#anw hope you like it sam!

[gh0stsp1d3r]

hi again! I'm the one who asked if you write for aaron himself, anw the fic doesn't really need to be a smut. butzzzz, what if aaron x reader were childhood bffs and when they went to highschool, reader had a crush on aaron and reader's feeling for aaron lasted for years, but then after aaron's taping on nowhere boy, reader found out that aaron is dating s*m? then reader decided to cut off ties with aaron so reader can move on?????????? then after years years later reader is also now an actress and is starring on a romance film with aaron, as the film was in progress reader's feelings for aaron is slowly coming back, and on a specific scene for the movie, reader got carried away so she accidentally "confessed" to aaron even though it wasn't on the script then than made it. to the final cut😖🤙

A/n- hiii! Also love this sm anon!! Sorry it took so long, I’ve been super busy ): it’s kinda lengthy but I hope u like it

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

You and Aaron had been best friends, ever since you both were teenagers.

You both stayed with each other through the awkward growing up phase. You two used to be inseparable, and stayed like that until he started to film for nowhere boy, where he was playing John Lennon.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you’re literally going to play John Lennon?” You asked, with a smile on your face as you talked to your friend.

He smiled back and nodded. You both continued to walk and talk, you talked about what you auditioned for and he talked about how he was excited to play in the movie.

You both were busy filming, you for a show and him for a movie. So you both had been a little distant, distracted.

You sighed when you flopped into the bed, tired and yawning. You were falling asleep, eyes shut and everything, when your phone goes off.

You groan and pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

He says your name, and you automatically knew it was Aaron.

“Aaron! Hi! Oh my god, I haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you? How’s the film?” You rubbed your eyes.

“Hi. Sorry if I woke you up or somethin’. Im alright. The filmings almost wrapped up. How about your show?”

“That’s good. Today was the last day, so hopefully it goes good.”

“Thats nice.”

There was an awkward silence for a while.

“ I was wondering if you’d wanna hang out this weekend. We haven’t talked and you know-“ his British accent cut through the silence thankfully.

“Yeah! I’d love to.” You said, more excited than you should’ve been.

“Great. I’ll text you everything tomorrow, thank you. Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

And you thought things would be great at lunch, but they got worse.

He told you about his new girlfriend, Sam. And you learned that she was older, way older than him. He had just turned an adult, so what the hell?

Of course, you’d been his best friend forever, and you’ve seen his girlfriends come and go, but this one was different, she was old, way too old for him, and the power imbalance was weird to you. The he mentioned how she was pregnant.

You tried to be supportive, but you couldn’t. When you got home, you cried into your pillow and blocked Aaron’s number.

It’s been two years now, and you had just got cast for Anna Karenina. You were playing the main character, and that’s when you found out Aaron was also on the movie, playing none other than your love interest.

The first day on set, you both were shocked to see each other. You glanced at him and he did the same, and quickly darted his eyes away.

Did he hate you? Did he feel bad?

He should, you thought bitterly. You looked over your lines, and after you were ready made your way to where it would be shot.

It was awkward for you and Aaron, both of you just continued to work professionally, however, on set.

It wasn’t until the dance scene that you realized how utterly in love you still were with him. It was a few days of filming now.

He kissed your hand, and you were gone. In terms of the movie and in reality.

You did as you practiced, but you’d practiced with someone else, and so has he. It was odd to be doing it with him.

You stared into his eyes. That’s when you realized in character and out of character, you were in love with him.

So you used that to make the scene better, he stared into your eyes the same way, but you brushed it off as acting.

The spotlight was on the both of you, and you couldn’t see anything but him.

Your palms were sweating, but so were his, you realized.

Once that scene was over, you both stared at each other for a moment in silence.

“Let’s take a break!” They said, and everyone went where they usually did.

It had been a long day. You both stayed staring for a good few seconds before you both opened your mouth.

“I’m sorry-“ you both apologized at the same time. You both smiled and laughed at that.

“I shouldn’t have blocked you.”

“And I shouldn’t have sprung everything on you at once.”

You both stayed silent for a moment again before you asked.

“How’s you and Sam..?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Oh. Yeah. We’re good- fine.”

“And your baby..?”

He smiled at the mention “She’s good.”

“A girl, huh? What’s her name?”

He stared into your eyes again, with that same look as he did in the dance scene.

“Y/n.”

——————————————————————

And that’s how you were here now, months filming now. It was the scene were you told Vronsky, or Aaron, that your character was pregnant.

You were in a field, holding a parasol as you looked into the distance.

“Anna.” He said behind you.

You turned back, with a small smile present on your face, putting the parasol down.

“Alexei. What is it?”

“I couldn’t bear not to see you before the race.”

You smiled and practically ran into his arms, his hands rubbed your shoulders.

“What were you thinking about?”

His hand grabbed your jaw softly when you didn’t answer.

“Tell me.”

You stared into each others eyes. You passed for a moment before speaking.

“I’m pregnant.”

You stayed silent for a moment and waited for a reaction.

His face lit up, hand caressing your cheek.

“Oh, my love. Love was never a game to us. Here’s an end to living in corners. Existing days to days on lies. Now we can be together.” He laughed quietly.

For a second, you wished it was real.

“How can we, Alexei?”

“Tell him everything.”

“Do you think my husband will make you a present of me?”

“Leave him.”

“Leave him and be your mistress?”

“Yes. Run away.”

“I would never see my son again. The laws are made by husbands and fathers.”

He paused for a moment. Was that the only reason he was still with Sam?

“What then? I’ll never forgive myself for your unhappiness.”

“Unhappiness? I’m like a starving begged who’s been given food. I am happy. I love you. I could never be unhappy with you.” The last part slipped out on accident, it was not part of your lines.

His eyebrows raised, and you paused for a moment, looking at him for a reaction.

He leaned in, and you did as well. The kiss seemed genuine, not like the forced ones you’ve had while filming this movie. This felt real, full of actual passion and love.

The kiss went on for longer than expected, the people on set were eating every second of it up.

“Cut! Now that is how you act! Way to go, guys. Really great.”

Your cheeks burned up as you realized what had happened, you looked at Aaron and he smiled softly.

You both talked for a while, you both trying to ignore what happened earlier.

“Did you mean what you said earlier..?” He asked suddenly, right before you were about to enter your car to leave.

Your eyes widened, and you paused, and turned to look at him as he walked closer to you.

“Aaron-“

“I need to know.”

Y-yeah. I meant it. I didn’t mean to say it. And I know that you have-“

His lips crashed against yours while you tried to explain, it was passionate, and just like the one from the confession.

“I love you. I always have, y/n.” He mumbled quietly, hand on your jaw.

[oddinary4bts]

hi! when writing ur characters, do u put urself in their shoes like YOU ARE them? How was it writing cc jk n oc?

i feel like my poor baby oc got the shorter and burnt edge of the stick... or am i biased? Cus jk gets to work on himself and gets to hurt those around him and oc's just... taking the blows... from jk, from jk's family, from tae, from sam fvcking hwang... or do we just not see jk's struggles? Cus i think jk's "self-destruction" is not confined to just "himself" anymore. He's destroying ppl around him too... Was this really your intent when u wrote him?

Anw, he better have an ABOVE satisfactory performance in making up to oc...

In this story I relate to Jungkook more. So maybe that showed in the way I wrote him. I’m sorry you feel like OC doesn’t get enough… character arch? I hope it changes in the next chapters!

Cause like in her case her biggest struggle is to stop being afraid about Taehyung’s reaction. That, and stop being afraid of being in a relationship. I thought I addressed that in the fic, and I’m sorry that you feel like I haven’t!

And I promise he will have an above satisfactory performance HAHA

[talesofesther]

hii, how are you? i hope you're doing good. im just here to say that secrets I held in my heart is soooo good I kept on reading it over and over. are you planning on making another angst/comfort fic with samantha again? im hoping it could include having a no strings attached relationship with samantha again but they caught feelings. idk it's just sooo samantha to demand no feelings involved 😭 anw your writing is soooo gooood i cant wait to read your upcoming stories! that's all! have a great day! <33

Hello sweetheart, I'm elated to know you liked the story. <3

I think you'll be very happy to know that I'm currently writing a really big story with Sam, and it'll definitely have angst and hurt/comfort. I can't say for certain when it will be posted, because as I said, it is a big one; but I can promise that the wait will be worth it.

Thank you so much for the love. <3

[earlgreymon]

Hi! For the soft summer prompt: going down the shore with Ken/Yamato? Please? :)

🌻 ken + yamato // [24] going down the shore

this can be a sequel to my takari drabble, where the kids renting a beach house for the summer. i know this was supposed to be a heavy ken/yamato, but i just can’t resist to put a hint of mimato (aand a bit of taiora, daitakari, and kenyako) because I CAN’T HELP IT LOL i’m still feeling @ashandpikachu‘s mimato drabble from last night hehe.

nevertheless, just to be safe, i will put a tw: loneliness, darkness, and sadness/depression for this one. but if you can cope with ken’s struggle with the darkness, i guess you may proceed. it’s very mild, i think.

___

Yamato was in charge of dinner that night, and somehow, they were all agree to have his infamous deadly curry. For a challenge, Taichi claimed. Ironically, he was the one who was currently slamming the bathroom door furiously, screaming at Daisuke who hadn’t gotten out yet for almost thirty minutes (“I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I WILL GIVE MY BLESSING TO TAKERU INSTEAD TO DATE MY SISTER IF YOU DON’T GET OUT WITHIN SECONDS!”), which caused him to be yelled back by Sora—now his girlfriend. She was preparing some peach tea in the kitchen, along with Ken and Iori who were still cleaning up the dishes, to help them unwind from Yamato’s merciless meal.

The victims weren’t only Taichi and Daisuke. Miyako and Hikari were actually occupying the second-floor bathroom right now. Figured that they must be way less hostile about the turn.

In the living room, Koushiro—not surprisingly—was dealing with his laptop. Jyou and Takeru were just sitting casually, but not as casual as Mimi who conveniently leaned in her boyfriend’s shoulder. If only Yamato wasn’t strumming his guitar, she probably would just put her head on his lap.

All of a sudden, Jyou suddenly asked, “How come you never play your harmonica again, Yamato?”

Yamato stopped playing and looked up. Mimi gave an eye to Jyou with sudden curiosity.

“He actually still carries it in his pocket wherever he goes,” Takeru pointed out; always a caring little brother, indeed. “I think he uses the harmonica for a part of his next song with the band.”

“Hey, why don’t you play it now, then?” Mimi nudged him with a playful smile. “The song that you always played back in the Digital World. I always like it, you know?”

Yamato stared at Jyou, Takeru, and Koushiro (who finally put an interest in the conversation), then turned to Mimi who plead with a hopeful grin. He sighed in defeat—he would never win against Mimi and her famous puppy eyes, at the very least—before resting away his guitar. “For your information, I don’t always bring it,” he revised. But that night, he pulled the small instrument, blowing through the holes and creating such a perfect symphony all over again.

Oddly, the nostalgia did not only strike the elder kids, but also for Ken Ichijouji.

 He paused with the dishes as the melody filled the whole house. It felt like he was being taken away to the summer 2000, not long after his big brother Osamu killed in the accident. It was one of the darkest moments of his life, and just when Ken thought that it was better if Osamu wasn’t around, the guilt constantly slapped him in the face and the pain won’t stop, thus the dark Digivice and Kaiser came as an antidote—a very bad one.

After the school ended, little Ken didn’t usually go straight home. He went to a park on the shore of Tokyo Bay, overlooking the artificial island of Odaiba, and then pondered alone. The thoughts usually revolved about how his parents fell into a great abyss of sadness without considering his existence as their other, alive, son; how the word of mouth spread among their acquaintances that he would never be as good as his big brother; but most importantly, he always questioned whether it was the accident who killed Osamu or his words instead.

There was one day when the darkness choked him too far. It felt as if he was struggling by himself.

But suddenly, a song came up with the wind. Ken looked up, searching for something that sounded so distant at first. However, when he found a boy less than a mile away from where he stood, the music got louder as it was clear that he was the source of it. The boy was probably around Osamu’s age or perhaps a bit younger, and little Ken wasn’t sure what instrument he was playing or whether his hair was light because of the sunlight. The melody, on the other hand, resonated a certain feeling of loneliness and the longing of something, yet it knocked him right in the soul as if it tried to give him the solitude he was seeking since the death of Osamu.

(As if it was telling that he wasn’t the one who felt lonely or missing in this world—others feel the same thing and it was justifiable.)

Once the boy finished playing, he glanced towards the direction of Ken, but before he could recognize the face, Ken immediately ran away for fear of being caught watching. However, although he wasn’t a virtuoso, he remembered the song correctly for it had saved him momentarily in the past.

The claps pulled him back to reality. Ken glanced at the living room where Mimi was busy praising her boyfriend for such an amazing live session. Just before Sora left the kitchen with her prepared peach tea, Ken offered himself to help. He then held out the first glass right in front of Yamato, which made the blonde boy (it wasn’t because of the sunlight, turned out) glanced up.

“Yamato-san,” Ken smiled lightly. “Thank you so much.”

Thank you for saving me back then.

“Ah….” Yamato wasn’t sure with the words, but he accepted the glass. He thought that Ken was just thanking him for the dinner. “Not a big problem.”

Ken’s smile was still lingering, nevertheless. It even made Mimi squealed like a fangirl as he moved on to distribute other glasses. (“Gosh, Yama—he was so charming, now I understand why Miyako and other girls are so crazy about him!”)

[wthzoe]

unlucky, lucky girl | sakusa kiyoomi

tw: mentions of cheating

sakusa kiyoomi had just about anything anyone could ever ask for. he’s the ceo of one of the biggest companies of all japan, he married to the daughter of another business mogul, he lived in the richest parts of tokyo, he can have anything he wants with a snap of a finger, and yet, he remains unsatisfied. the company was thrusted into his hands by his father, he didn’t love his wife, he’s barely home, and he doesn’t want anything unless it’s you.

yes, you. the one he met one night at a bar who had an addicting scent, sultry eyes, and the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. he’d seen his fair share of models and his wife was a looker as well, but you. god, you. who he barely knew but touched plenty. you could’ve been created by aphrodite herself, each curve and edge crafted so delicately to create the only creature narcissus himself would bow down to. he remembers your every touch, your supple skin that bloomed under his touch, and how each sound from you rivalled that of the angels’ singing. oh, how kiyoomi longs to have you in his arms again.

what kiyoomi wants, kiyoomi gets.

-

a/n: ooh, guess who's slightly back 👀 here's a short drabble inspired by unholy - sam smith ft. kim petras to celebrate it being my birth month - october! i really like this particular concept because i love the song. i'll write it into a full fic one day, i promise! maybe i'll learn how to write smut along the way? idk 👀 anw, i hope you enjoyed!

[allieebobo]

hi i just wanted to drop by to tell you that i enjoyed the demo!! i love how lighthearted it feels compared to most ifs and it’s kinda nice to play a sports if and actually be familiar with the terminologies and understand the sport sjdbrjks also i thought mike was gonna be one of the ros and i was ready to simp LMAOOO but sam has my entire heart. i love them so much 🥺💓 anyways i can’t wait to read more about it!! i hope you’re having a good day <33

HAHAH omg yay, thanks for the note, (hope /you/ are having a good day!) There will be some light AngstTM but for the most part yes, it will be fun and lighthearted, because why not(!) Re: Mike - HAHAH you can still simp either way... Anw, no SPOILERS but I was toying with the idea of a very very small secret scene (also got another message recently about Thalia). But rly happy to know that people are liking Mike (and Thalia).

[creambunnie]

Jaemin - 2 Lives

chapters : masterlist , 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ..

8 ;

a few weeks after making up with Jaemin, y/n and Jaemin decided to put a pause on their tutoring sessions to focus on their club performance.

only two groups will be chosen to perform at the school event anyways, so it was understandable that they wanted to do their best during the audition .

y/n and her boyfriend/partner, Seungmin, had already chosen a song to perform. it was 'For Now' originally by Kwon Jinah and Sam Kim .

it was a soothing and calm song with strong vocals. just about right for the couple. the two of them even planned to play the guitar together like how the artists did.

they thougt it would be a great experience for the audience to listen to a totally live performance.

y/n wouldn't say that their practice sessions were very enjoyable but she understood that they had to be serious to be given the opportunity to showcase their talent.

Jaemin on the other hand and his partner, Haechan, were still searching for the perfect song. they were still experimenting some songs and rearranging them to suit their style.

in contrast of their simple personalities, choosing a song was actually hard for the bestfriends.

it was a weekend, y/n and Seungmin decided to rehearse for a bit at Seungmin's place in the morning as the both of them had their own plans in the afternoon.

practise was unfortunately awful. it didn't really end well. it kind of ruined y/n's mood for the whole day.

y/n was sitting in front of her mirror, trying to find a way to conceal her swollen eyes. her usual light make up can't cover up her red eye bags and she was not in the mood to apply thick make up.

after contemplating for a few minutes, y/n decided to just go with her usual style, ignoring her uneven eyes.

she was meeting up with Jeno in an hour and she knew if she was to stare at her pale face for a few more minutes, she would be late for their plan.

Jeno was at the cafe they decided to meet at with Jaemin. it was supposed to be Jeno and y/n only but Jaemin was nearby so Jeno asked him to join too.

the two boys already ordered some drinks for the three of them as y/n was a bit late, just like she predicted. she did text Jeno to inform about her being late.

after a few minutes of waiting, Jaemin immediately sat up when he saw y/n entering the cafe.

Jaemin didn't know why but when he saw her tired face as she walked towards their table, he quickly stood up and went to y/n.

Jeno raised an eyebrow at his cousin's actions and just smirked. *oh how obvious, Jaemin.* .

"hey y/n, are you feeling okay?". Jaemin asked worriedly as he welcomed her with a carress on her arm.

y/n patted his hand back and smiled tiredly. "i'm just a bit worn out...". she replied weakly.

Jaemin frowned and quickly led her to her seat.

"you just finished rehearsing with Seungmin right? did anything happen?". Jeno asked straightforwardly.

knowing the boy from little, Jeno was aware of Seungmin's demanding attitude . a toxic trait of his.

y/n really didn't want to talk about it but she broke down right after Jeno asked. Jaemin panicked as her tears flowed non-stop.

Jaemin who was initially sitting opposite of y/n quickly sat on the empty seat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

"you can tell us anything y/n.. we are here for you.". Jaemin said softly as he carressed her arm. Jeno nodded, agreeing with his cousin. he was glad they picked a table at the corner.

y/n sniffed before starting her explanation.

" i don't know what is wrong with Seungmin. he has been cranky these past few days during practice , especially after Mark told the music club that companies representatives might be at the school event for scouting.

i understand that he wants everything to be perfect. i know he wants to be picked to perform, to have the opportunity to showcase his talents. a chance to be scouted and reach his dreams of being a singer...".

y/n sniffed again as she paused. Jeno passed her a napkin to blow her nose. y/n took a deep breath before continuing.

"i understand all of that but... he didn't have to hurt my feelings just because he wants to achieve his goals. maybe i'm just a bit sensitive but it hurt me when he started criticising my vocals and say hurtful words to me while raising his voice at me.

he told me that my vocals just won't reach his standard. and that if only he didn't have feelings for me, he would've chosen another partner. a partner that could bring him to his goals.". y/n broke down harder after that.

Jaemin's hands curled into fists as he heard the whole bullshit y/n had to go through. Jeno only managed to sigh and massage his forehead.

"Seungmin you shithead. why are you like this.". Jeno mumbled under his breath before facing y/n, whose face was now buried into Jaemin's shoulder. Jaemin side-hugged her as he continued carressing her back to console her.

"i-i'm try--ying. i-i'm trying my be-best.". y/n mumbled in the middle of hiccups.

Jeno sighed and raked his brain to help his bestfriends. he didn't like it when friendships are broken in order for one to reach success. Jeno hated that.

.

.

a/n : ik ik , today's update is a bittttt late. it's cos i was kind of busy (being a lazybum). but hope you guys enjoyed the angst! ik it kind of escalated quickly but that's life ! anw, stay healthy everyone!

[yourinfinite00]

favorite non-horror movie

much of my friends know (i think and hope) how much i love horror movies. in fact, when they ask me for movie suggestions, all i can think of are horror/thriller movies. the early part of my break from graduate school i spent scrolling through r/horror, listing and downloading movies, and watching them. i even wrote a short review for each and some sort of rating (i think i give pretty high ratings). anyway, horror movies are not the focus of this blog (maybe i’ll do a separate one hmm). this blog is about my favorite non-horror movie, so far which is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. yessss. i watched the movie last september 14, 2020 (i backread from our gc). i told them that i was crying from the movie. and i was. i really don’t know why. i’m not sure if other people cried too. within that same week, i rewatched it again, and ended up crying again. well, i think i’m an emotional person so maybe that’s why. but i’ll tell you more why it was my favorite non-horror movie.   i don’t want this to be formal like a critique or review of the movie lols. (while doing this, the music playing is a song suggested by the guy i wrote about hehe). anw i love the perks because i kinda saw myself in charlie. i wasn’t really sure about his mental problem exactly and i haven’t really went to a psychiatrist even though i think i have access to because of our univs health system. i’m scared but also i don’t have a private place in our house where i can speak to her without my family hearing our conservation. btw, it’s the time of the pandemic so mental health sessions are done virtually. so yeah i kinda saw myself on charlie. how socially awkward he is. how he found it hard to make friends. i just felt him and the movie felt like it was made for people like us. i even described it to my friends as like a ‘hug’ because that’s how i really felt after watching it when i finished reading it last week. yeah i read the book!! first novel i’ve read after a long while. another reason why i really liked the perks is because of logan lerman’s acting. it’s just so.... believable? again, as i said earlier, i saw myself in charlie, that’s why i say logan lerman’s acting is very impressive. the movie also highlighted friends, which are people i very much treasure in my life. i wouldn’t have become the person i am today if not for the friends i made and lost along the way. upon reading the book though, i preferred the book’s ending rather than the movie. in the movie, it felt as if the focus was on charlie and sam’s love story. but in the book, although their love story was an important element, it was more about charlie’s journey in coping through what he’s been through and is still going through. while reading the book i bought (second-hand), there were some scribbles from the previous owner, which i think was actually cool since i haven’t done that before (well, because most of the books i read were actually my brother’s). i took a picture of one underlined paragraph there because it matched one the theme of one song the guy i told you about and i sent it to him. sadly, no meaningful response zzz. anw, because i liked the idea and this book is already mine, i decided to do the same to some parts of the book that really got to me. i’ll probably just use this line to end this, but unlike in the book, this will not be the last time i’ll be writing here. i’m feeling emotional while reading the line and typing it here haha. “So, if this does end up being my last letter, please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will soon be enough. And i will believe the same about you.”            ~Charlie (The Perks of Being a Wallflower, my favorite non-horror movie)

[ace2light]

felt so down..

i wanted to talk to people so badly. by people, i meant those whom i am close with. super close with, esp him. i do have ppl whom are extremely close to me. but i dont dare to approach them due to as follows: 

poon: he is with his friends, he wont have the time to entertain me also, well, there were times i couldnt control myself and texted him, i got a single word ‘ok’, i know where i stand, i backed off. i switched off my phone literally. idw to have more disappointment in my alrdy bad and sad mood. rather than unknowingly text him and anticipate he would at least ask how i am. i rather not meet with such a disappointment. well if he knows that i am really trying my best to cope with my feelings and thoughts, he would auto read this without me telling him. cos if i dont spam him, i go to insta, if i dont go to insta, i come to tumblr. these are the ways i penned down how i feel and what i think when there is no one to talk to me, no one whom i can chat with. 

steph: in gasglow, i dont want her to be burden with my issues. she will know when she returns when we catch up anws. 

chanel and jiawen: we are drifting apart. they are the ppl i joke ard with but no longer the ones whom i find to rant about. as i always hang out with poon, i dw them to feel i treat bf more than i treat my bff. i dont want them ti feel they are spare tyre. 

sheena and sam: i scared i make them feel overwhelm with my issues. plus sheena is no coping well alrdy, idw to add to her problems. 

mum: she no longer is my close listening ears. i nvr tell her many things, in fact, i nvr say much about myself anymore, except rant about dad to her. other than that, nth. idw her to worry about me, esp my studies. i didnt tell her i wasnt coping well in school lately also. she’s too busy dealing with my dad anws. 

dylan: he is a gd friend, but then i am not comfy telling him too many things. 

xx: i lose the position to rant to him. before i got into a relationship, he was always there when i was feeling down. be it normal classes whereby i am feeling sad or stress, he will buy me oreo (altho he say his house got unlimited supplies, so many times, he think i believe meh). he can chat with me for the entire night when i was feeling so lost about some issues in the past. he takes care of me like a little sis. often he is the one who can notice i am sad and try ways to make me happy. i always treated him as my bro. he is like my younger/older bro. because of many reasons, i distant myself from him. i dont want poon to be jelly about xx and me, neither do i want to make xx feel sad, so the best way is to distant from him. 

it has been long since i felt like cutting myself. thankfully that feeling happens when i was on a cab, i have no access to pen knife. if not idk what would happen to myself. honestly, i just wanna just rot in bed tmr, i dont feel like meeting anyone, but cos i promise alrdy, i have to appear.. 

it is getting worst, i overthink. i overthink in my sleep also. idw to. idk how to tell my brain to gimme a break. i really wanna break free from overthinking. i even woke up from a worst case scenario about poon me and my parents. i was awaken by this dream today, it scares me but i didnt share with him. 

what i feel now. towards poon. yes, i am his gf. apart from saying ‘i love u’, he technically did nth thru out the entire day i was down. i understand that he is with his friend. but i am feeling too low to even be considerate about it. at least, talk to me abit? make me feel a bit btr instead of just ‘i love u’? i know u love me and you mean it, but in times of this, too much of such phrases makes me feel i am not impt. i am just a person whom you have to say ‘i love u’ to a few times a day. for so long, i havent felt so lonely on terms of texting. i am a heavy texter to ppl whom i am comfortable in. he is one of them. i always felt a bit sad that when i am awake, he is asleep, why cant fate let him have a normal sleeping time? i really wish he was at least awake to text me when i am on my way to school or in school.. yes, he blame me that i didnt call him up or wake him up, but certain things, it doesnt comes from me, it takes his effort, not just mine. i mean if a person is asleep, what for wake him up for a casual chat esp when the reason is i am bored? this is so unreasonable. 

just ytd issue. btn poon and me. when i started to put in more trust in him, he shakes it again. i trusted him to come meet me with monster also, in fact, i anticipated that, that was the encouragement i told myself, the only reason that keep me awake. the thought of my bf visiting me and delivering a drink i needed so badly that day. end up, he did come (make me feel i am his priority but i was guilty). before that, i was comtrolling my temper not to rage at him. honestly, what does he mean. well if i was in his shoes, it is very simple. come to the gf then meet his friends afterwards. cos he promise the gf to come alrdy, but didnt promise the gf to wait for her after her test. what was promise first should be carried out, what is so hard about it? for me, personally, whoever i made a promise with first, i go with the promise first. unless that person is fking impt to me, which is him, whenever he wants to meet last minute, i have to push some of my plans away just to meet him. i really hope he knows it is hard for me to lie all the time, i dont have so much lies in me to hide from my parents all the time. and in order to make a lie, i have plan ahead, if it is so last minute, i cant think of a perfect reason to lie. but he doesnt get it? he seems to take it for granted that i can meet him any time sometimes, that is what i feel. sometimes, i have to get back home early cos i cnt go home too late. one is my fears of going home alone late at night, second is i cant see shit at night, three my mum is worried for me too. one more thing, shouldnt he pull me into the conversation instead of asking me to try on my own? isnt it easier for him to pull me into a conversation with his friends rather than i awkwardly ask them weird qns? i just hate it when he force me to talk, and if i dont, he would get upset, like srsly, i didnt talk for a reason okay. 

well i do appreciate his efforts, waking up before i go and caring for me. but if he’s gonna ignore me or forget about me when he is with his friends, i rather he dont show me i am his priority. cos it is fking hard to deal with when he isnt there to reply me all the time, reply as in a continuous conversation not a single word of trying to brush me off, yes, it might be a form of acknowledgement of it to me. but then, if i rant to him, do i really need an acknowledgement? hmm, i doubt so. i hate spamming him my feelings my thoughts cos he reads but dont reply me one by one, i hate that. if i tell you my feelings and thoughts fking reply, rants, at least tell me sth instead of a word ‘i reply later cos i chatting or gaming with my friends’ is still btr than a word, but ofc, make sure he replies afterwards lah, if not the words has no meaning. 

it is so hard to not text a person whom you text all the time a day. it is not i didnt wanna text, i am so fking tired and disappoointed at the nonchalant, okay not even nonchalant reply, just a word answer seems like i am disturbing him and brushing me off. i tried to text him, but if i am gonna get a word, what for i continue, sometimes it is not i didnt wanna spam. it’s just i know he wont reply to every single thing, so i am avoiding that disappointment. it takes two hands to clap, he want me to do this, then prove to me, it is worth it. like spamming, you want me to spam, then reply everything lah, i know i say b4 he need not necessarily reply everything but who doesnt want to be replied, if not send for what? 

he always wanted me to text him ‘i want him now’, why would i text a person asleep that? does he knows how much courage it takes for me to ask for things i want?  for almost 10 years, i havent been living for myself, i live for others, i nvr really requested a lot of things. idk how and i fear rejections, imagine mustering tons of courage then got rejected. hell no am i gonna make myself suffer that. best eg, first time i asked him to bring me sth that is extremely out of his way for me, he came but didnt fulfil the things i want. seeing him makes me not angry but the sadness doesnt disappear. 

i am like this now cos i want him to talk to me, even if it is for 2 mins, show that he tries to understand how i feel now. but nah, nope, i had enough of dissapointment today. i aint gonna on my phone until tmr. if he is late for tmr, i am so gonna ignore him for a day. 

as much as i wanna blame him for having fun and forgot about me. but i cnt. 

enough of him.

what cause me so sad and down. it is like i am awake but i aint doing my work. i dont have the energy to do so. i am so tired of everything. 

academic failure. is extremely strong when i failed my CT. 

stress. i m dealing with so many in schools but no one exactly knows what i am going thru. 

home: i have to smile to maintain i am okay feels. one not to let my parents worry and not to anger them. 

friends: i dgaf about them alrdy. i dont have the mood to deal with them. 

him: i am just idk, extremely sad and dissapointed about it, how he acts/ treats me these 2 days, esp today. 

wtv happens next, tonight, i wont gurantee. whether i harm myself or not. i cant be sure. controlling it is so hard. death to me aint scary, what i am scared of is the sadness ppl felt if i harm myself. 

dont blame me to disappear. if he shown more effort, i wouldn't have disappeared due to sadness and disappointment. actually, would he even know i disappear? 

or maybe, i havent been okay, cos i felt neglected by him... apart from my parents, only one more person can me feel so dead when i am alrdy unhappy, which worsen my sadness. 

IF HE HAPPENS TO FIND TILL HERE, I SALUTE HIM COS I DONT EXPECT HIM AT ALL. which implies he knows how to find me when i dissapear. 

[andpegqy]

hey how u doin im gna just talk about things that happened recently so anw on friday sin squad went out tgt to orchard but m (using initials cos ## privacy) left early and then the 3 of us just wandered around underground trying to find shaw house because i knew how to get there but didnt know what it was and the other 2 knew what it was but didn't know how to get there and otw we stopped by krispy kreme and they bought donuts but i didnt bc i had no (0) money and s let me have the first (1/2)

bite of their donut?? that shit cost like 5 dollars and i was so fuckin touched man idk why but like ya,, dont tell them but ye we were talking about this at sunday folks during lj week n i stand by the statement that i would Literally Die for s ok so moving on anw in the underpass to shaw house they dropped their donut and me and v were like :0 but s was like ehh five second rule and just picked it up and ate it?? Heck ya anyway so that was my friday also on that day someone didn’t show (2/?)

up to prac and i was so relieved bc wow freedom from the sourness but also like,, i feel like a bad senior u know?? ok but lets,, not,, dwell on that for too long i’ll sort it out at some point but ya it was a pretty ok prac and i started watching shadowhunters tv s2 which is wildly emotional and i keep having to take breaks during the emotional scenes,, i cried at 3 am yesterday because of this show i am !! Heck bc literally almost no show has made me cry this much before its really good (3/?)

and i think the scriptwriters are doing a really really good job with portraying like?? everything?? like plot and relationships and setting and literally everything. perfect it did so much justice to the books and im lowkey mad cos like?? cassie clare literally wrote the books but by this point i don’t really think she’s doing that great of a job with portrayals and stuff (its an opinion pls Do Not quote me on this) and ya i cant believe the show is doing a better job than the (4/?)

Actual Writers. btw sorry im talking sm?? i didn’t think i would have this much to say but recently i can’t stop talking anw here are some of my favourite saved songs on spotify:: daughtry’s waiting for superman, 1d’s drag me down, all time low’s missing you, p!atd’s hallelujah, 5sos’ heartache on the big screen, the sam willows’ for love, troye sivan’s entire blue neighbourhood album, the cab’s angel with a shotgun, parachute’s kiss me slowly, mayday parade’s i swear this time i mean it, (5/?)

bruno mars’ when i was your man and grenade, smash mouth’s all star (it’s not just a meme i actually like it end me), 1d’s infinity, a.m., fool’s gold and perfect, the script’s superheroes and six degrees of separation, kinna granis’ cover of closer, how far i’ll go and you’re welcome from the moana soundtrack, ed sheeran’s don’t, drunk, lego house, homeless, the a team and friends !! im sorry this is like an hour long playlist and you’ve probably heard all of these songs (6 or 7/?)

bc my music taste is wildly mainstream but i hope you feel better soon !! (im DONE i need to stop talking so much/7 or 8)

that was actually 7 btw but ty babe u r great sighs im glad u had a good time though,,, also @ s eating food off the ground is Gross esp in a dirty ass place like shaw house what in Heck. also,, i have indeed heard most of them but ty anyway lots of love to u 

[templarhalo]

templarhalo talks comics

For those who don’t know I am an avid comic collector.  Mostly Marvel stuff, but I good chunk of my collection is Gijoe comics from the image/Devils Due era and Transformers comics from the Dreamwave era and they’re some my most prized possessions.

Anyway here’s my opinions on some of the currently ongoing Marvel series, just for the sake of doing it

Weapon Hex

  Part of the “Infinity Warps” mini  series which has fused two marvel hereoes together.  Weapon Hex chornicles the fusion of Laura Kinney and Wanda Maximoff providing a more literal magical take on Laura’s origin story.  An interesting concept, especially since I had a “what if Laura was a clone of both Logan and Jean created by Mister Sinsister and has Jean’s powers in addition to her own?” floating around myself.   Unfortunately Weapon Hex lacks the emotional depth of Laura’s origin story and feels rushed with poor pacing and not much beyond the usual action scenes to generate excitement

8.5 out of 10- wait for your local  comic store to  discount it

Infinity Wars -  Infinty Countdown was kind of interesting,  with  a tie in issue having Black Widow finding out Wolverine is back from the dead(Something never addressed in the Hunt for Wolverine) and two damn good issues involving the Champions the main series itself was kind of meh but laid the groundwork for something interesting.   Unfortunately Infinity Wars just kind of peters out.  It starts out strong in its first issue but by issue 3 I had lost interest. Like Weapon Hex Infinity Wars lack emotional depth and feels poorly paced.   It is constantly rushing from one scene to next making it hard to follow and lacks the kind of  epic feel that  you can sink your teeth into that previous big events like Siege, Avengers Standoff and even the poorly received Secret Empire had.

5 out of 10   Don’t bother unless you like having Gamora as a villain,  Adam Warlock or wanted to follow up after Infinity Countdown  If you like the superhero mashups focus on those but otherwise spend your hard earned cash on something else. 

Avengers -  truth be told I’m  a bit disappointed with the current Avengers line up,  with the exception of She-Hulk and Robbie Reyes the current line up is all  A listers with really no attempt to  diversify the roster or try something fresh like the All new All Different Avengers did.  But with  the disaster that was Secret Empire,and the abrupt end of the promising Marvel Legacy and its replacment with the utter trash that was “Fresh Start”  a solid line up of Marvel’s biggest names was probably a smart movie in the long run.    The series utterly outshines the previous “No Surrender” Arc  with a focus on the Celestials, the proto-avengers under a much younger Odin(and a red Sonja looking Phoenix force)  and Loki the series ropes you in and doesn’t let you go .   

9 out of 10,  A good jumping on place for new fans and old,  definitely recommend starting before the series hits double digits.

X-Men:Red   

I’m going to  be honest, except for Cable and Laura I never really got into  X-Men,   X-Men Gold failed to  catch my eye, and apart from Teen Jean Grey, X-Men Blue never caught my eye. 

X-Men Red not only caught my eye, like the current Avengers it ropes you in doesn't let you go.  Each issue  is like a good dom in  BDSM, keeping you bound and leaving you begging for more.   X-Men:Red captures the spirit of what makes the X-Men so popular, keeping its focus on the classic “Fighting for a world that hates and fears them.”   With a solid and diverse line up of classic character like Jean Grey Gambit and Nightcrawler, alongside newer faces like the amazing Trinary I highly recommend this book and I pray to  God it is not canceled when the Uncanny X-Men relaunches in November. My only complaint is that we did not see Jean interacting with Cable in the Annual issue especially since we saw her meet up with Rachel.  In the light of Cable’s untimely, poorly thought out death in the ongoing Extermination, this really stings. 

100/10   Especially if you’ve been wanting to see Jean go all out with out having to  worry about the Phoenix, or if you still miss Laura as Wolverine, in addition Nightcrawler has grown a beard and it looks pretty cool.

X-23

The current X-23 series was facing an uphill battle the second it was announced.  coming off the heels of the incredibly popular All-New Wolverine,   With Laura being forced back into  a sexualized outfit  and  acodenmae that she utterly refused to use in ANW and the embarrassing unprofessionalism of Mike Choi in his response to  constructive criticism regarding the series- lets just say at best I were expecting a solid, but average series that ignored Laura’s character development and at worst expecting utter garbage-that made the worst Percy Jackson fan fiction I’ve read look like Hemingway.

Needless to say, i was not expecting the first issue to be so good.   While Laura’s outift could be much better and Daken’s absences is sorely felt, X-23 is off to  a surprisingly good start,  witha solid footing layed down by the first arc, i’m pretty excited for what happens next

9 out of 10 Like the current Avengers run, I highly recommend this as a jumping on point for new fans of Laura.   While i doubt it will outshine the original run of Laura’s series under her creators, or All New Wolverine, its off to  a surprisingly good start. 

Ms.Marvel   

Ms. Marvel holds a special place in my heart because  it and Captain America: Sam Wilson were the first two series that got me back into  Marvel.   With the current arc involving the Shocker finished up,  Ms.Marvel has kept chugging for some 35 issues with no decline.  Truth be told the only thing I could say I want for this  series  is Kamala teaming up with Laura or Hope Summers for an issue.

Embiggin/10  This is one of Marvel’s best series and has managed to avoid  cancellation or shitty character arcs.  In fact this series has been going since 2014 and with no signs of slowing down.   Highly recommend, but catching up could be daunting for newer fans.