#anti Xander

[elysianholly]

Someone asks people to explain to them why Xander gets more hate than Spike. People do. OP turns off reblogs of those explanations.

Sounds about right.

For the record, here's why Xander gets more hate than Spike.

The story rarely, if ever, tries to position Spike as being in the right until S7, when they equip him with the thing that Xander has had throughout the duration of the series. I don't need to explain to people why Spike's actions are wrong; the story does it for me.

The same is not true for Xander. And even when he does fuck-up, his fuckups are forgiven/forgotten literally within the span of an episode. When he does something not terrible? He's lauded as a hero. Buffy literally thanks him for NOT sexually assaulting her in S2 when she was under a spell. She THANKS HIM for doing the bare minimum.

So yes. Xander sucks. And the reason he gets more hate is the story is frankly oblivious about how much he sucks, to the point that it constantly tries to reinforce that he is in the right, actually.

With Spike? That happens rarely, if ever.

[layer-of-slayers]

Thinking about that ridiculous scene in s6 when Xander walks in on Spike and Buffy having some extremely noticeable sexual tension (and also some hand stuff going on i think?) in Buffy’s kitchen, where they are standing like 5 centimetres away from one another TOPS and yet still when Xander walks in his reaction is to obliviously snark at Spike about how he could “still be trying to mack on Buffy” and telling him to get it through his head that it’s “never going to happen”, which never quite made sense to me.

But now I am seeing it through the lenses of my new Xander realisation and noticing the parallel that Xander himself has (perhaps only subconsciously) traced between Spike and himself. He had a huge crush on Buffy and she rejected him and he knows she will never change her mind about it by s6 (though it sure took a while for that life lesson to sink in) and now he expects Spike to come to the same realisation. ‘Ugh, he’s still trying to mack on Buffy? Doesn’t he know she’s way out of their league? She’s already turned him down, told him so several times in fact, the next step is to accept it and move on, obviously, like Xander himself has had to do but trust Spike to be stubborn/annoying/bad at taking no for an answer.’

He’s seeing himself in Spike again, projecting his own attraction to Buffy and how that whole situation went down on Spike, assuming it must go the same way (except with Spike being Worse about it because of course as a vampire he’s inherently inferior to Xander himself in Xander’s eyes).

When it is revealed that Spike and Buffy had a thing in Entropy, Xander takes it as a personal betrayal. Xander bought into the Angel exception, into the story of Angel’s exceptionality. Yeah, Buffy loved him and dated him but he had a soul. It didn’t make him good enough in Xander’s eyes, but it did make him different. Spike doesn’t have that. Therefore, Buffy would never even consider him. And after Angel, Buffy dated Riley, normal human (mostly) who Xander loved. Riley was exactly the kind of guy Xander wished he could be, and therefore exactly the right guy for Buffy in his eyes.

Spike outright tells him and still Xander refuses to believe him until he sees Buffy’s expression of shame. Then she tries to explain herself to him as though who she has sex with is in any way Xander’s business or a subject in which he should have a say. And that’s how he feels like, he feels Buffy betrayed his image of her and her sacred duty by allowing Spike to touch her, because she is (should be) too good for Spike, too good for the both of them, otherwise why did he never get a chance with her?

[mileenaxyz]

"A rude, unfunny, misogynistic moron" 🤣🤣🤣

ETA Whedon once said Xander was based on himself because he was that guy all the girls just wanted to be friends with.

Yeah, that's not how that works.

Nobody wants to be friends with Xander. Buffy wanted tutoring from Willow and Willow had a crush on Xander. And since Xander had no friends outside of Willow (and Jesse), befriending Willow full-time meant being stuck with Xander. 💁🏽‍♀️

Over the years, we saw Willow evolve, make new friends, join/create new groups, while Xander...didn't. And in S4, when Xander keeps showing up on campus at a university he doesn't go to, Buffy politely asks WTF he's doing there.

If Willow had gained some self-esteem a few years earlier, Xander would be a friendless loser probably planning to pew pew the school.

Girls don't "want" to be friends with guys like Xander/Joss. We get stuck with guys like them because they have no one else to glom onto, nowhere else to go, and since they can't force their way into a guy group, they use their last little dregs of male privilege to force themselves into a girl group. They show up uninvited to our homes, follow us EVERYWHERE, and disapprove of every guy we're interested in.

Cordelia could've easily replaced Xander completely in S1-3 while Anya could've taken over in S4, and BTVS would've been infinitely better. (Even better, Cordelia could've stayed on Buffy and Spike could've gone to Angel after getting chipped.) Because it wasn't Anya who was stapled to Xander, it was Xander who was stapled to Anya (like with Willow). We were first introduced to Anya through Harmony and Cordelia. She later worked a spell with Willow. We NEVER needed to see her with Xander.

[nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather]

Xander to Buffy in DEAD Man's Party: "Did you even TRY talking to somebody?"

Well, if you and the others cared to actually LISTEN to her then maybe she would have 😒

Remember when Buffy wanted to give Angel his soul back instead of killing him, and Xander said the most vile things he could think of to make her feel horrible and ashamed?

And remember before that, when Giles went after Angelus after Jenny's death and Xander said the most vile things he could think of to make her feel horrible and ashamed-- and congratulated himself on not verbally abusing her sooner while he was at it?

And remember after that when he didn't give her Willow's warning and flat out lied to her face instead, giving Buffy no chance to strategize around Angel regaining his soul and totally blindsided when he regained it too late?

And remember how Buffy had been through an experience more traumatic than most people could even comprehend and Xander was literally in the process of making it all about his feelings while he was telling her she should have relied on her 'friends' for emotional support?

Everything that happens in Dead Man's Party makes me want to set everyone but Buffy and Giles and maybe Cordelia on fire.

[purest-love-deepest-pain]

on my Buffy rewatch and this show gets misogynistic sometimes but my god Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered has got to be the most heinous case of this. I don't completely loathe Xander but this episode is a good case for anyone who does. can you say ew????

[ragnarssons]

rewatching buffy and really how is buffy even FRIENDS with xander lmao. he's literally her worst choice of relationship and that includes riley and dracula istg

[only-one-brain-cell]

Xander: God 🙄 I have the worst taste in women 🙄🙄🙄

Xander’s taste in women: any women (besides Willow girl I’m so sorry hit him with your car) that breathes.

[sunny-rants]

ok I’m only on season 5 but can someone explain to me how Xander is the universally hated one for, from what I can tell, some bad choices and worse jokes, while Spike, the fandom’s babygirl and beloved heartthrob, literally stalks Buffy, holds her captive, and then commissions a robot version of her when it’s made clear he’ll never have her. like someone please explain it because the math is not mathing.

[raisedbythetv89]

Sometimes I just sit and imagine what btvs could have been like if the women characters and their perspectives were TRULY centered and what all could have been.

How much wasn’t explored

How angel gets his own show but is completely reliant on the presence of Cordelia and the most interesting story lines revolve around her, darla, and drusilla. And how they needed Spike, the most female gaze male character, to even have a 5th season

How Riley gets to live and be a hero with a hot badass wife but Tara, Anya, and Kendra all are dead

How much xander’s abusive, toxic monologues passing judgment on everyone but himself often serve as the “facts or true reality” of the narrative rather than the rantings of a jealous, bitter, repressed, weak and pathetic boy

So much of the show is about a woman but still with men and men’s opinions, needs, desires at the center. We can see jane and a few others efforts to center women’s narratives more especially in season 6 and 7 but much like I mourn what the first 32 years of my life could have been without patriarchy, what could have been for this show with so many incredible women that left so much potential unrealized.

Fan fiction is a reclamation of this lost potential. It’s a powerful and radical thing to do. Correcting the narrative to center who should have been centered all along heals the parts of us society wants us to neglect within ourselves for the sake of men (or straight people or white people or cis people) and their own narratives. It’s a way to decenter men not only in our real life spaces but our fictional ones too

[aphony-cree]

Xander evokes the power of a musical amulet and waits days to own up to it. The whole gang was spending hours researching, they had no clue what was causing the chaos, and he just stayed silent. Then when he finally admits to it everyone acts like it's no big deal, just silly Xander making a teensy mistake. People died

[elysianholly]

Adding I don't think Anya is remorseful in S7 for her past, but her present. She regrets what she did at the frat house which was totally justified but w/e but that's because it's a recent offense. She never presents as troubled by the life she led before becoming human again.

Xander has no problem fucking, dating, loving, even marrying evil (well, he has a personal problem with the latter but not the concept of it, otherwise he wouldn't have asked her in the first place). It's just when Buffy's sex life includes someone he doesn't approve of that he gets on superiority bullshit. God, he sucks so much.

Here's a little shit-show in Seeing Red that seems to be missed because of... every other shit-show in that dog-awful episode.

Below Buffy and Xander having their first conversation after he finds out Spike and Buffy have been having sex:

BUFFY: It just happened, okay?

XANDER: (chuckles bitterly) Oh, like, uh, "Say, you're evil. Get on me"?

BUFFY: You fought side by side with him when I was gone. You let him take care of Dawn.

XANDER: But I never forgot what he really is. (Buffy looking hurt) God, what were you thinking?

BUFFY: (laughs) You're asking me that? Oh, 'cause your decision making skills have really sparkled lately.

XANDER: I'm not saying I didn't make any mistakes. But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of them.

Yeah the judgement is gross, the entitlement to dictate Buffy's love life is gross, and Xander ingoring that Buffy's trauma is fueling her less-than-great decision-making is gross. It's all just another example of Xander not aging great, as a character.

But you know what really pisses me off?

Xander was, until very recently, ENGAGED TO A FORMER VENGEANCE DEMON!

Anya had explicitly said, multiple times she's "maimed and mangled" unloyal men for over a thousand years. And she never really shows any sort of real remorse until season seven, which hadn't happened yet when this conversation happens.

I want to be clear, I love Anya more than Xander and I don't want anyone to think I am dumping on her. But c'mon Xander. You really are the pot calling the kettle a slut for the forces of evil.

Honestly, knowing what happens later in the episode, it just feels like an opportunity to foreshadowe and victim-blame at the same time.

[kpchrs]

I'm sorry but in that episode of Buffy trying to make Angel jealous by doing whatever dance is that with Xander? I can't take it seriously because

(1) I fucking hate Xander/Buffy.

(2) Angel is what, 200 years old? He should have been like "what are these whippersnappers doing" because they are, I think, 16 and cringe instead, cus BRO I know you have been out of action for a century but-- God, nevermind, this makes me cringe with dizziness lmao

[nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather]

Xander to Buffy in Into the Woods: "You're acting like a crazy person."

No, she's acting like someone whose heart got torn out and trampled for the umpteenth time. Have a heart 🙄

Or butt the hell out. He tracked her down to shame her and lie to her face just to make her feel worse. He went out of his way to be that awful of a friend. He did nothing to help the problem and was content to stay out of it while Riley was spiraling, but once shit hit the fan he just had to kick Buffy while she was down, tell her it was all her fault, and defend the man who betrayed and lied to her.

[inconsistentlywrittensoul]

We rewatch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, each time hoping that this time, it might be different; this time, maybe Xander will just fuck a dude and stop being so insufferable.

[elysianholly]

I am not well. This hurt my feelings (positive).

Anya deserved so much better.

Analyzing Anya & Xander's Duet

Aside from the general sadness of the episode, one of the sad things about "Once More With Feeling" is Anya and Xander's "I'll Never Tell" song. First, let's start with the most obvious. When Xander sings about Anya in this song, almost all his lines about her positives have to do with her body/looks and being in her "tight embrace" (we all know what he was really talking about). In fact, if you go through the lyrics of the song, the only time he compliments her personality is when he calls her a charmer and says she's sweller. But if we look at all the things he sang previously, is it charmer for her personality or because of what she does for him? (satisfy his sexual urges). On the opposite end of this, he has many criticisms of her personality within the song, "She clings. She's needy. She's also really greedy." Furthermore, if you want to take his insecurity lines into account, you can see that while, yes, he's insecure, which is fair, anyone can be insecure, they're also implying that he believes she's only with him for monetary purposes, and views him as disposable DESPITE her clear dedication to him (and willingness to live in his parents' basement). Don't even get me started on the "Am I marrying a demon" line. While I can understand that fear, on account she was a demon for a thousand or so years, it completely ignores all the human growth she had and character arc she went through.

Now let's start on Anya's verses. While yes, she does criticize him a bit, almost all her lines have to do with one of two things. A) the way he treats her. OR. B) insecurities centered solely on her. She doesn't compliment him much in this song, but she doesn't disparage who he is as person much either, and when she does it's either things all couples complain about like, "he snores" and most fair of all "his penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe," or things that critique his behavior in their relationship, "I talk. He breezes." and "Say housework and he freezes." Now I will acknowledge one line she said "His eyes are really beady." Yes this is a diss against his appearance, but this also comes with her interrupting a long verse of him just disparaging her personality and she was like just trying to stop that train by changing the track. It should also be noted that this verse against her personality came directly after she called out his habit of hiding behind buffy when things get rough, so he is clearly lashing out having not liked the feeling of feeling emasculated. Another note is that all but one of her complimentary lines toward him have to do with his personality. "He's swell," and "My knight in shining armor."

From her lines in the song we can see how insecure he makes her, because ultimately we have to remember this is a song about their relationship. "Will I look good when I've gotten old," "when I get so worn and wrinkly. That I look like David Brinkley," "I've read this tale. There's wedding. Then betrayal," and most importantly "Like it's all just temporary."

Lastly, just a quick assessment on their perception of their relationship that comes in near the end of the song. Xander sings, "Am I crazy?" whereas Anya sings, "Am I dreaming?" She views this as a dream, something not possible but somehow is, whereas he views it as something crazy, a word with negative connotations, that what he's doing could be done by someone not in their right mind.

My summation? While this song is upbeat and peppy, it actually was telling us exactly how their love story would end, as well as who would be the one to run. Xander, as much as he's central to the scoobies, was and always will be a sexist coward. He never loved Anya, he only love what she could do for him, and she was also the only one interested in him.

Anya wasn't perfect, but she 100x deserved better.

[messedupdoilies]

Whoever decided to make Xander the moral arbiter of the scoobies who lectures Buffy for dating former murderous demons while he almost married a former murderous demon should get jail time i think