#anti Xander

[layer-of-slayers]

Thinking about that ridiculous scene in s6 when Xander walks in on Spike and Buffy having some extremely noticeable sexual tension (and also some hand stuff going on i think?) in Buffy’s kitchen, where they are standing like 5 centimetres away from one another TOPS and yet still when Xander walks in his reaction is to obliviously snark at Spike about how he could “still be trying to mack on Buffy” and telling him to get it through his head that it’s “never going to happen”, which never quite made sense to me.

But now I am seeing it through the lenses of my new Xander realisation and noticing the parallel that Xander himself has (perhaps only subconsciously) traced between Spike and himself. He had a huge crush on Buffy and she rejected him and he knows she will never change her mind about it by s6 (though it sure took a while for that life lesson to sink in) and now he expects Spike to come to the same realisation. ‘Ugh, he’s still trying to mack on Buffy? Doesn’t he know she’s way out of their league? She’s already turned him down, told him so several times in fact, the next step is to accept it and move on, obviously, like Xander himself has had to do but trust Spike to be stubborn/annoying/bad at taking no for an answer.’

He’s seeing himself in Spike again, projecting his own attraction to Buffy and how that whole situation went down on Spike, assuming it must go the same way (except with Spike being Worse about it because of course as a vampire he’s inherently inferior to Xander himself in Xander’s eyes).

When it is revealed that Spike and Buffy had a thing in Entropy, Xander takes it as a personal betrayal. Xander bought into the Angel exception, into the story of Angel’s exceptionality. Yeah, Buffy loved him and dated him but he had a soul. It didn’t make him good enough in Xander’s eyes, but it did make him different. Spike doesn’t have that. Therefore, Buffy would never even consider him. And after Angel, Buffy dated Riley, normal human (mostly) who Xander loved. Riley was exactly the kind of guy Xander wished he could be, and therefore exactly the right guy for Buffy in his eyes.

Spike outright tells him and still Xander refuses to believe him until he sees Buffy’s expression of shame. Then she tries to explain herself to him as though who she has sex with is in any way Xander’s business or a subject in which he should have a say. And that’s how he feels like, he feels Buffy betrayed his image of her and her sacred duty by allowing Spike to touch her, because she is (should be) too good for Spike, too good for the both of them, otherwise why did he never get a chance with her?

[nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather]

Xander to Buffy in DEAD Man's Party: "Did you even TRY talking to somebody?"

Well, if you and the others cared to actually LISTEN to her then maybe she would have 😒

Remember when Buffy wanted to give Angel his soul back instead of killing him, and Xander said the most vile things he could think of to make her feel horrible and ashamed?

And remember before that, when Giles went after Angelus after Jenny's death and Xander said the most vile things he could think of to make her feel horrible and ashamed-- and congratulated himself on not verbally abusing her sooner while he was at it?

And remember after that when he didn't give her Willow's warning and flat out lied to her face instead, giving Buffy no chance to strategize around Angel regaining his soul and totally blindsided when he regained it too late?

And remember how Buffy had been through an experience more traumatic than most people could even comprehend and Xander was literally in the process of making it all about his feelings while he was telling her she should have relied on her 'friends' for emotional support?

Everything that happens in Dead Man's Party makes me want to set everyone but Buffy and Giles and maybe Cordelia on fire.

[purest-love-deepest-pain]

on my Buffy rewatch and this show gets misogynistic sometimes but my god Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered has got to be the most heinous case of this. I don't completely loathe Xander but this episode is a good case for anyone who does. can you say ew????

[ragnarssons]

rewatching buffy and really how is buffy even FRIENDS with xander lmao. he's literally her worst choice of relationship and that includes riley and dracula istg

[only-one-brain-cell]

Xander: God 🙄 I have the worst taste in women 🙄🙄🙄

Xander’s taste in women: any women (besides Willow girl I’m so sorry hit him with your car) that breathes.

[xandershifts]

sometimes I see old shiftoks like " 10 reasons you aren't shifting " nd one of them is " stop being so obsessed with your dr! Seriously you're acting like a little kid! " WRONG! Be excited! It's your reality, & that won't stop you from shifting 🫶

[raisedbythetv89]

Sometimes I just sit and imagine what btvs could have been like if the women characters and their perspectives were TRULY centered and what all could have been.

How much wasn’t explored

How angel gets his own show but is completely reliant on the presence of Cordelia and the most interesting story lines revolve around her, darla, and drusilla. And how they needed Spike, the most female gaze male character, to even have a 5th season

How Riley gets to live and be a hero with a hot badass wife but Tara, Anya, and Kendra all are dead

How much xander’s abusive, toxic monologues passing judgment on everyone but himself often serve as the “facts or true reality” of the narrative rather than the rantings of a jealous, bitter, repressed, weak and pathetic boy

So much of the show is about a woman but still with men and men’s opinions, needs, desires at the center. We can see jane and marti’s efforts to center women’s narratives more especially in season 6 and 7 but much like I mourn what the first 32 years of my life could have been without patriarchy, what could have been for this show with so many incredible women that left so much potential unrealized.

Fan fiction is a reclamation of this lost potential. It’s a powerful and radical thing to do. Correcting the narrative to center who should have been centered all along heals the parts of us society wants us to neglect within ourselves for the sake of men (or straight people or white people or cis people) and their own narratives. It’s a way to decenter men not only in our real life spaces but our fictional ones too

[haunted-xander]

"Mickey left Aqua in the Realm of Darkness for 10 years!" Mickey had NO IDEA where Aqua was for 10 years and when he DID find her he 1) wasn't prepared for it in the slightest and didn't even have a plan for how he would escape safely and 2) she literally told him to leave her behind to make sure he and Riku could go home safely. After which he was caught up in a shit ton of other things to take care of and didn't have the resources or time to launch a rescue.

[elysianholly]

Adding I don't think Anya is remorseful in S7 for her past, but her present. She regrets what she did at the frat house which was totally justified but w/e but that's because it's a recent offense. She never presents as troubled by the life she led before becoming human again.

Xander has no problem fucking, dating, loving, even marrying evil (well, he has a personal problem with the latter but not the concept of it, otherwise he wouldn't have asked her in the first place). It's just when Buffy's sex life includes someone he doesn't approve of that he gets on superiority bullshit. God, he sucks so much.

Here's a little shit-show in Seeing Red that seems to be missed because of... every other shit-show in that dog-awful episode.

Below Buffy and Xander having their first conversation after he finds out Spike and Buffy have been having sex:

BUFFY: It just happened, okay?

XANDER: (chuckles bitterly) Oh, like, uh, "Say, you're evil. Get on me"?

BUFFY: You fought side by side with him when I was gone. You let him take care of Dawn.

XANDER: But I never forgot what he really is. (Buffy looking hurt) God, what were you thinking?

BUFFY: (laughs) You're asking me that? Oh, 'cause your decision making skills have really sparkled lately.

XANDER: I'm not saying I didn't make any mistakes. But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of them.

Yeah the judgement is gross, the entitlement to dictate Buffy's love life is gross, and Xander ingoring that Buffy's trauma is fueling her less-than-great decision-making is gross. It's all just another example of Xander not aging great, as a character.

But you know what really pisses me off?

Xander was, until very recently, ENGAGED TO A FORMER VENGEANCE DEMON!

Anya had explicitly said, multiple times she's "maimed and mangled" unloyal men for over a thousand years. And she never really shows any sort of real remorse until season seven, which hadn't happened yet when this conversation happens.

I want to be clear, I love Anya more than Xander and I don't want anyone to think I am dumping on her. But c'mon Xander. You really are the pot calling the kettle a slut for the forces of evil.

Honestly, knowing what happens later in the episode, it just feels like an opportunity to foreshadowe and victim-blame at the same time.

[nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather]

Kind of ironic how Xander said Buffy was using Riley as the "rebound" guy for Angel when HE himself tried to do that to Willow in S1 🥴

Eh, at least he actually got called out for that, unlike 99% of his bad behavior.

But that whole interaction after Buffy found out about everything Riley had been doing was so shitty and gaslight-y, from start to finish, for literally no reason other than Xander's love of kicking Buffy when she's down. He tracked her down and followed her when she tried to get away from him just to make her feel horrible and convince her being lied to and cheated on was all her own fault.

[inconsistentlywrittensoul]

We rewatch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, each time hoping that this time, it might be different; this time, maybe Xander will just fuck a dude and stop being so insufferable.

[elysianholly]

I am not well. This hurt my feelings (positive).

Anya deserved so much better.

Analyzing Anya & Xander's Duet

Aside from the general sadness of the episode, one of the sad things about "Once More With Feeling" is Anya and Xander's "I'll Never Tell" song. First, let's start with the most obvious. When Xander sings about Anya in this song, almost all his lines about her positives have to do with her body/looks and being in her "tight embrace" (we all know what he was really talking about). In fact, if you go through the lyrics of the song, the only time he compliments her personality is when he calls her a charmer and says she's sweller. But if we look at all the things he sang previously, is it charmer for her personality or because of what she does for him? (satisfy his sexual urges). On the opposite end of this, he has many criticisms of her personality within the song, "She clings. She's needy. She's also really greedy." Furthermore, if you want to take his insecurity lines into account, you can see that while, yes, he's insecure, which is fair, anyone can be insecure, they're also implying that he believes she's only with him for monetary purposes, and views him as disposable DESPITE her clear dedication to him (and willingness to live in his parents' basement). Don't even get me started on the "Am I marrying a demon" line. While I can understand that fear, on account she was a demon for a thousand or so years, it completely ignores all the human growth she had and character arc she went through.

Now let's start on Anya's verses. While yes, she does criticize him a bit, almost all her lines have to do with one of two things. A) the way he treats her. OR. B) insecurities centered solely on her. She doesn't compliment him much in this song, but she doesn't disparage who he is as person much either, and when she does it's either things all couples complain about like, "he snores" and most fair of all "his penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe," or things that critique his behavior in their relationship, "I talk. He breezes." and "Say housework and he freezes." Now I will acknowledge one line she said "His eyes are really beady." Yes this is a diss against his appearance, but this also comes with her interrupting a long verse of him just disparaging her personality and she was like just trying to stop that train by changing the track. It should also be noted that this verse against her personality came directly after she called out his habit of hiding behind buffy when things get rough, so he is clearly lashing out having not liked the feeling of feeling emasculated. Another note is that all but one of her complimentary lines toward him have to do with his personality. "He's swell," and "My knight in shining armor."

From her lines in the song we can see how insecure he makes her, because ultimately we have to remember this is a song about their relationship. "Will I look good when I've gotten old," "when I get so worn and wrinkly. That I look like David Brinkley," "I've read this tale. There's wedding. Then betrayal," and most importantly "Like it's all just temporary."

Lastly, just a quick assessment on their perception of their relationship that comes in near the end of the song. Xander sings, "Am I crazy?" whereas Anya sings, "Am I dreaming?" She views this as a dream, something not possible but somehow is, whereas he views it as something crazy, a word with negative connotations, that what he's doing could be done by someone not in their right mind.

My summation? While this song is upbeat and peppy, it actually was telling us exactly how their love story would end, as well as who would be the one to run. Xander, as much as he's central to the scoobies, was and always will be a sexist coward. He never loved Anya, he only love what she could do for him, and she was also the only one interested in him.

Anya wasn't perfect, but she 100x deserved better.

[messedupdoilies]

Whoever decided to make Xander the moral arbiter of the scoobies who lectures Buffy for dating former murderous demons while he almost married a former murderous demon should get jail time i think

[aphony-cree]

Xander evokes the power of a musical amulet and waits days to own up to it. The whole gang was spending hours researching, they had no clue what was causing the chaos, and he just stayed silent. Then when he finally admits to it everyone acts like it's no big deal, just silly Xander making a teensy mistake. People died

[trealtox]

I hate season 7 of "Buffy the vampire slayer"

Let's get this straight, I like these series. They are fun and entertaining (and I only started watching it because of Spuffy). But I HATE season 7.

First of all, what is the deal with those guys? Out of the blue all characters (Spike excluded. Love him❤️) start doubting Buffy and her leadership. This girl saved all of you hundreds of times, and when the world is on the edge of collapsing, you turn your backs on her?! If she's such a bad leader, then why did you put all the responsibility on her shoulders? Why did you bring her back from heaven? To tell her, that she's not better than you? I'm sorry guys, but your crew is: a whining bitch-boy, magic (read as 'drug') addicted witch, a blorb of energy, a former vengeance demon and a killer watcher. With your list of deeds, I have bad news for you: none of you goes to heaven. NONE. She IS better than you.

Second of all, what is their sudden problem with Spike? In the last season all Scoobies want to kill Spike and say that it's because he's dangerous. Well, he is. Just like all of you. Your killer count talks louder than you (he killed because he was souless and he feeds on blood. You killed because you could. There is difference). They keep saying that he should be taken out because he is dangerous, and yet remind me, who held him by their side while he was useful? And did Scoobies thank him even once? (I actually don't remember. Tell me, if they did) Buffy is the only person who actually tries to be reasonable and accept that Spike has changed. In return she gets a potential slayer,a school headmaster and her own father figure being all mad at her, saying that she is the problem. If you want to kill him so badly, just do it already and stop making Buffy responsible for your own wishes (not like I would forgive them if they did)

Point number 3. Again with the hypocrisy of Scoobies. Faith comes back, sees that girls can't stop complaining and decides to take them out clubbing. Buffy sees that and gets mad (logically). Later on everyone decides that Faith should be the new leader. Why? Why would a former killer and a traitor be a good leader? Because she took a bunch of teens drinking, when you should all be ready to fight? If I recall, it was almost considered a crime for Buffy to rest, when there were better times. Now, when Buffy is tired and stressed from constant responsibility, all the potential slayers say that she's "not cool". Scoobies just can't be more hypocritical. Faith killed people out if her own free will. She teamed up with a villain, and she enjoyed it. Buffy made one mistake of attacking one villain. What do Scoobies get out of that? "Buffy is not better than us. Faith is. 🎶Let's put this guy infront of the crowd🎶". And let's be honest with that: Giles acts petty in here. The only reason he stands against Buffy, is because she got sick of him lying to her and telling her to kill Spike, so she honestly told him that she can't trust any of them. He got offended by her disobedience so much, that he decided to get rid of her. That's not a nice thing to do to a girl who is like a daughter to you.

Btw, Faith deserves a second chance and Spike doesn't? Spike was SOULESS. He wasn't supposed to be good and yet he almost died just to be the better version of himself. At the same time Faith was supposed to be the protector of people, yet she decided to join the homicide. She was creepy enough to SMELL THE KNIFE. And yet we get a whole storyline about "bad Buffy still thinking of her as a killer." The hero we deserve, I suppose? Btw, Faith IS a killer. She enjoyed it. I don't know why Scoobies want to forgive her so badly and give her a bunch of teens, taken away from Buffy, but they don't trust Spike.

And my favourite. The cherry on top. THEY KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. Giles had his own place. Xander has his own place. Willow wasn't homeless before she moved into the Summers's house. And yet, when they needed a place to put all the potential slayers, they took them into Buffy's house. And then they kick her out. The "good guys".

Buffy needs no enemies with friends like that.

[hellisoursalvation]

Buffy AU but Xander dies horribly during his summer trip and Cordelia stays in Sunnydale.

personally I think buffy would have been better if there was a little less xander and a little more cordelia