#another timespace baby

[sapphanimates]

yall, this character isn't gonna show up in-universe for a while. i just needed to get his design finalized. i'm obsessed.

[sleepyowlwrites]

Sleepy's list of friends' nicknames:

Ghosty - @/zmlorenz

Maybe Sorcery - @/akindofmagictoo

Ember - @/ashen-crest

Rosechild - @/lothloriien

Magic Storm - @/enchanted-lightning-aes

Lilac - @/chayscribbles

Baby Dragon - @/mel-writes-with-her-dragons

Stars Books - @/vellichor-virgo

Cozy - @/ink-fireplace-coffee

Jo but not from little women - @/josephinegerardywriter

Serenade - @/souliloquyyy

Stardust - @/stardustspiral

Breezy - @/blind-the-winds

Timespace - @/artdecosupernova-writing

Lovely - @/iparisaltanwing

Honeydew - @/writing-with-melon

Glowstick - @/ellatholmes

Philosopher - @/livvywrites

Loquacious - @/woodhousejay

Klove - @/klywrites

Lila - @/blossom-hwa

Garden - @/writingamongther0ses

Meriachild - @/artbyeloquent

Cloverchild - @/mary-is-writing

Redwoodchild - @/talesfromgringolandia

Naiad - @/pens-swords-stuff

Sunflower @/lanawritesalittle

Moonink - @/drippingmoon

Moment - @/lunarmoment

Earlybird - @/sleepy-night-child

Rarity - @/uraniumwriting

Amarantine - @/mecharose

Idea - @/oh-no-another-idea

Clocks - @/jaxwrites

Peppermint - @/pepperdee

Finch - @/the-finch-adress

Bard - @/dragon-swords-prophecies

Voiceover - @/deciphered-narrator

Redwing - @/red-the-dragon-writes

Pengwen - @/gwens-fiction

Sounding - @/diphthongsfordays

Magesmith - @/magic-is-something-we-create

Valance - @/faelanvance

Dragonheart - @/my-husband-sasemi

Firefly - @/dustylovelyrun

Seabird - @/encrucijada

Ocelot - @/ambiguouspuzuma

Myth - @/talesfromaurea

Tea Leaf - @/afoolandathief

Welcome - @/nikkywrites

First Snow - @/january-thoughts

Roseleaf - @/stupid-elf

Sunlight - @/zonnemaagd

Bender - @/writing-is-a-martial-art

Truly - @/did-i-do-this-write

Ending - @/apocalypsewriters

Ribbon - @/zoya-writes

Caramel - @/emelkae

Sweet Luna - @/darlingsmoon

Aster - @/wild-selenite-caffine

Ursa Danger - @/thepixelelf

Tangerine - @/the-orangeauthor

Feathercap - @/bloodlessheirbyjacques

Detective - @/author-a-holmes

Gentleflame - @/carefulpyro

Zenith - @/on-noon

Minuit - @/midnights-melodiverse

Hunter - @/asher-orion-writes

Mouse - @/rodentwrites

Remembrance - @/Memento-morri-writes

Chiro - @/crypticcodexcreations

Inksap - @/pinespittinink

Lavender - @/caspia-writes

Claymark - @/muddshadow

Kyanite - @/blue-kyber

Bright - @/justwriteyoudummy

Voidlight - @/another-white-hole

Celadon - @/abalonetea

Lucent - @/incadescent-creativity

Peachleaf - @/willowcassette

Adorus - @/thegreatobsesso

Dryad - @/writerfae

Inkspell - @/my-cursed-prince

Phantasm - @/circa-specturgia

Unicorn - @/sargeantnarwhalwrites

Frost - @/winterandwords

Sage - @/autumnalwalker

Hummingbird - @/khufiya-khaufnak-antariksh

Starsong - @/moondust-bard

Radio - @/vsnotresponding

Clarity - @/forthesanityofstorytellers

Journey - @/odysseywritings

Pickle - @/sarahlizziewrites

Sapling - @/void-botanist

Coffeebean - @/strangerays

Comfort - @/dogmomwrites

Purple Soul - @/antihell

Paperbirch - @/nopoodles

Nevertwice - @/dontjudgemeimawriter

Trouble - @/helathorloki

Honeysuckle - @/aninkwellofnectar

Pointy Hat - @/thetruearchmagos

Verdance - @/sam-glade

Rubiks - @/squarebracket-trick

Zima - @/jay-avian

Plucky - @/pluttskutt

Parchment - @/lux-scriptum

Mountain - @/vermontwrites

Explorer - @/toboldlywrite

Portal - @/traveler-of-realms

Raenellie - @/ellierenae

Mathemagical - @/harmonictornadosiren

Satchel - @/theliteraryluggage

Storybug - @/bardicbeetle

Magnolia - @/acertainmoshke

Some people and their nicknames just live in my head.

[demontouched]

you said we can drop headcanons in your ask box so… I think I’ll do that. For tua: Five held a funeral for his siblings (this is sad but I can see it)

Five, Ben, and Viktor were close as kids (the 567 trio, I think this simply because they were the first people Five called out for and Five reached out to Viktor when he got back so they were obviously close as kids)

Ben used to watch over his other siblings when Klaus was in the academy and during missions just to make sure they were ok (he didn’t want them to end up dying young like him)

Before Five left, Viktor would play his violin for Five and Ben after missions to help them de-stress. He’d only had it for a few months but he spent so much time practicing that he got pretty good pretty quickly. (Unfortunately, after Five left, Ben and Viktor grew apart)

For miraculous: Marinette began sketching designs when she was like 4 and it was ofc very messy but she was adamant even at that age that she was gonna be a fashion designer (Tom and Sabine ofc supported her but they were pleasantly surprised when she actually stuck with it until she was a teen)

Adrien and Emilie used to have picnics in the very same spot in the garden where Adrien and Marinette had their date in s5 (before she got sick ofc)

Gabriel wasn’t the only one who used the amok to control Adrien, though Emilie tried to limit the use of it (but sometimes he would cry so much or he wouldn’t want to go to sleep yet and she thought, well it can’t hurt too much right?) (this is similar to how Allison used her powers on Claire in tua)

Adrien likes to wear eyeliner (Why else would he have had such nice eyeliner as Chat Blanc???)

I can’t really think of any other ones right now but yeah. Thanks for letting me just dump these here :) I’d love to hear about your hcs too!!

omg,,, those tua ones are bittersweet <3 i haven't watched all of it yet but i might share some when i do finish. i like the 567 trio idea. they're the last three, they're a little more on the quiet side. and their powers are specifically very dangerous. violent music (7), Eldritch Horror (6), and timespace (5). (please excuse any incorrectness, i have literally only seen the first 10 eps)

and emilie using the amok like allison used her rumors is *chefs kiss*. to be completely honest, i would too. there are just some days that are exceptionally sucky and you just need some peace and quiet. i would feel absolutely horrible about it because manipulating another human like that (no matter how young) is wrong, but i think that it's a better option than phhsically hurting them. (hospitals really drive home things about colic, purple crying, and NOT SHAKING YOUR BABY. they are really really big about telling new parents that you cannot shake your baby. i thought there was no way i would ever want to shake my baby, but boy oh boy. i was wrong. it doesn't make me a bad parent, but there are some times where baby will not stop crying no matter what you do.) (sorry i have feelings about parenthood)

[katyspersonal]

I recently had a dream about baby Gwyndolin and he actually had legs but already started to experience problems walking, and he only had two snakes but they were like tails? That was adorable ngl, and I like the idea snakes for legs were not instant but developed as he was growing up.

There also was some sort of timespace anomaly in the area that had people see lotta things from past/future and even from another dimension that messed with the routine, and they accused Gwyndolin for creating illusions when it was not HIM ;-; That was so unfair to just assume.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I don't know if you've ever talked about this on you page, but I think it's interesting. Have you ever imagined Comte walking around city's in the XXI century trying to find himself from the future (maybe to know if the resident's will die soon?)? Or not even looking, he's walking around and just bumps into himself. Or maybe there's something that doesn't allow him to find himself, like some magic or something. Sounded really interested earlier but now I wrote it, is doesn't anymore lmao, anyway

No it’s okay! I think it’s an interesting idea to explore, however to answer this question to the best of my ability it will require spoilers.

Dazai rt spoilers under the cut:

Believe it or not, Dazai’s entire route is quite literally him trying to go back to 1909 (the year he was born) in order to kill the version of himself that was only a baby. His aim is essentially to stop himself from hurting anyone by removing his existence from the world altogether. He wants to make it so that he completely disappears, as if he had never been born in the first place. This would presumably, lead to the disappearance of his present self (essentially if he doesn’t grow up and be turned, he can’t exist in the past as a resident of the mansion). When Comte finds out about this plan, he shows very acute concern for Dazai’s fate--but I can’t tell if it’s because he knows it will work or he doesn’t even want to entertain the idea of trying for fear that it will be successful.

This, however, has several complications involved. The most acute being that: 1. Dazai never fully accomplishes it so I have no way to confirm how possible it is. 2. Dazai struggles to manage the “strong conviction” it would require to travel across time effectively, suggesting that even if he had attempted it, his chances of success might have been slim. There is a clear exploration of the possibility; what the actual outcome of such an experiment would be is less clear.

All that being said, I feel like the correct answer to this question would be the oddest yes and no (I’m sorry if that sounds like a cop out, it just feels genuinely hit or miss in this game). I think it is possible for them to meet past versions of themselves, but I also think it would be difficult or rare for such a phenomenon to occur--if not temporary. Even for the suitors that do successfully travel to the future like Vincent, he would likely not have another version of himself to meet due to the fact that he would simply disappear from the mansion and reappear in the modern era (and his past self is long dead). Dazai is a special case because he was born in the future of the time he was brought back to, leaving more room for a potential encounter with his human self in the space of a few decades. What happens if he does meet his human self? I’m not sure, but I wager messing with the natural course of events is a bad idea...

As to the purebloods Leonardo and Comte, I think it’s much more possible but still unlikely. Leonardo doesn’t have much incentive to seek his future self out (lbr the man doesn’t have a powerful desire to see what will become of him either lol he’s a mess). Comte might if he had some need to warn his future/past self about something, but otherwise I don’t really see him making the attempt? I feel like he’s concerned about disturbing the delicate balance of timespace, so he seeks to avoid any impulsive acts that would unsettle it. 

I do get a kick out of a concept like that, though! Comte would see himself in modern times and be like “Hm. Don’t like that.” LMFAO and then the other probably give himself a cryptic, helpful hint of some kind. I would be interested to see if there was some kind of barrier that resists that sort of encounter though; Dazai seemed to have this weird intuition that his plan wouldn’t work without Charles’ intervention...

[succubused]

I know nothing about jojo. Teach me it out of context

part 1 phantom blood. um jonathan (British) has some personal problems with his adopted brother dio brando (also british) and then dio kills their dad and becomes a vampire. jonathan gets shounen powers and a guy survives for like fifteen minutes after being cut in half. dio gets decapitated so jonathan went and got married but then dios decapitated head appeared on the boat and was like jonathan i respect you so i want to use your decapitated body as my own. and jonathan was like dude thats kind of fucked up but the boat blew up and dio did it anyway. erina survived though

im putting these under a cut cause it got long as fuck but heres your jojo summaries

part 2 battle tendency is like. joseph who is jonathans thotty grandson teams up with caesar zeppeli (italian) (gay) to defeat the pillar men which include kars (milf) esidisi (milfs live in boyfriend) wamuu (adopted son). another milf called lisa lisa trains them into their shounen powers and then esidisi shows up and kills the teachers aides and possesses lisa lisas assistant and then dies. basically they all get into this arena deathmatch involving zombie horses and kars grows wings and runs around all sexy for a little bit before getting launched into space. caesar gets crushed by a stone cross after making a gay ass speech. love loses. also it turns out lisa lisa was josephs mom the whole time.

part 3 stardust crusaders i kind of hate but i love the characters so basically jotaro kujo (josephs grandson) um he gets his stand and hes like whats this evil spirit i have to be locked in prison for everyones protection. and then his mom gets a stand too but sike women arent people so shes going to die. this is of course dios fault and they have to kill dio. kakyoin tries to kill jotaro and then jotaro pulls the worm out of his head and theyre best friends after that. polnareff tries to kill avdol and avdol sets him on fire and theyre [redacted] after that. they all go on a wacky roadtrip to cairo to kill dio during which kakyoin feeds a baby its own shit and avdol fakes his death for a little over a week. killing dio doesnt go great and vanilla ice sucks avdol into the void and kills their dog iggy and i hate watching that part. kakyoin is crushed under the weight of his own hubris. dio thinks hes sexy for being able to stop time but jotaro can also stop time and he kills dio. jotaros very traumatized due to the entire experience. for some reason both polnareff and joseph survive. the end

part 4 diamond is unbreakable is basically josuke higashikata whos josephs kid out of wedlock hunting down a serial killer with a hand fetish. jotaro is there hes a marine biologist now and josuke is technically his uncle. theres also josukes best friend okuyasu theyre a lil gay but thats alright we like them. also got short king koichi and yukako. and evil twink mangaka rohan. its like murder mystery except a lil more fucked up cause its jojo. ultimately kira (murderer with hand fetish) gets his ultimate powers that manipulate time and space but it doesnt even matter cause josuke has protagonist disease okuyasu dies for like 10 mins but he gets better. kira gets punched into the street by jotaro and then an ambulance runs him over and he dies.

part 5 vento aureo is giorno giovanna whos dios kid but hes also jonathans kid bc dio fucked with jonathans body and thats how giorno was born. he kind of acts like dio if dio had jonathans moral code and hes blond. anyway hes 15 and he joins the mafia because he wants to end heroin abuse and he ends up getting god timespace manipulation powers and killing the boss diavolo but half of his friends are killed horribly so that sucks. and then he becomes the don of the italian mafia. and hes still 15. also polnareff is there for a minute he gets killed sort of but his ghost possesses a turtle so hes giornos turtle after that i guess.

part 6 stone ocean my favorite part cause theres finally lesbianism. jolyne who is jotaros daughter is in prison bc she got framed for murder by her boyfriend. jotaros been an absent father due to him having personal problems. he shows up to break her out of prison but he gets his soul and his stand turned into discs and pulled out of his head and he goes into a coma and most of the rest is jolyne trying to get the discs back. she has 2 girlfriends called hermes and foo fighters who is technically a mass of sentient plankton. weather report (sexy) and anasui (ugly) are also there. the main antagonist is pucci who is a priest and was also dios best friend when he (pucci) was 16 for some reason. by the end they get jotaros discs back and pucci successfully starts manipulating reality itself and it turns out weather report was his brother all along and their backstory is REALLY fucked up and then jotaro comes back and anasui is like jotaro can i marry your daughter and hes like no and then everyone gets killed and pucci resets the universe but emporio the ten year old theyve been hanging out with gets weather reports stand and uses it to follow pucci through the universe resets and he ends up creating one where pucci never existed. it ends with “irene” kujo meeting hermes and anasui/weather report are also there. its implied that this is a new universe where none of the bad shit ever happened. emporio is crying. it kind of sucks

part 7 steel ball run i really dont know how to summarize but basically johnny joestar whos like alt universe jonathan but actually not really like that at all. hes also paralyzed from the waist down and he wishes he wasnt. um he meets an italian (gyro zeppeli) and they go on a horse race across america to track down the body of christ. they meet diego brando whos like dio but hes more about class warfare than megalomania and hot pants who has a stand that lets her turn her flesh into spray. diegos stand is that he can turn himself and other living things into dinosaurs. johnny can shoot his fingernails like bullets. anyway they end up fighting the president of the united states (funny valentine) who was trying to turn lucy steele whos only like 14 into a vessel for the corpse of jesus or something and he kills gyro and hotpants and diego and johnnys like this sucks but sends him into an infinite death loop bc hes a dimension hopper but he just keeps dying over and over again in any dimension he goes into. and he deserved it

part 8 jojolion i havent read but gappy seems like a nice guy

[mrfunnybone]

Sans The Skeleton

An overview of Sans life, from childhood to elder years. 

“i was a lil’ shit.” — Clever boy with bright eyes.

Once a rambunctious child, Sans had always been a bit too clever for his own good and has often gotten himself in trouble as a result. His days were spent creating complex pranks to fill his time and sneaking around where he didn’t belong. He’s a surface born monster, born to a small village. Sans has both Skeleton and Nightwalker monster genetics and belongs to the Osteo family. His father, a doctor in human and monster biology, provided most of his early education.

He was still a boy when the war between monsters and humans ended, with monsters on the losing side. Sans father fled, without his sons, before the human soldiers could capture him. He most likely died along with other monsters who attempted an early escape. Sans, his baby brother Papyrus, and the other monsters were rounded up and led to what would become their prison. The brothers were largely raised by Mr. Muroidea, a Rat Monster who was the human equivalent of a clergy man. He passed away about 5 years after Monsterkind was imprisoned due to illness.  

By that time, Sans was old enough to accept full responsibility for himself and Papyrus, and continued raising him while completing his education underground. 

***

“are you aware that we’re making history?” — Dr. Osteo, Royal Assistant.

After completing his Underground Doctorate, Sans thesis on Quantum Mechanics, titled Interpreting Quantum Mechanics in Terms of Random Discontinuous Motion of Particles, earned him recognition in the scientific community. His previous externship for the Royal Laboratories led to numerous projects that garnered more attention toward his potential. Despite his relative youth and inexperience, Sans work and innovation earned him the position of Assistant to The Royal Scientist, Dr. Wingdings Gaster.

He was meant to eventually follow the Doctor in his footsteps as his protege. The duo known as Dr. Gaster and Dr. Osteo quickly became a team known for abolishing the impossible and making strides against insurmountable odds. Their professional relationship developed into a friendship over the years, bound by common goals and a relatable troubles.  

Their team and their friendship began to fall apart with the introduction of DETERMINATION, pulled from fallen humans who found themselves among Monsterkind’s prison-hold. The CORE, which provided power for all of the Underground, became an unstable force that even Undergrounds Royal Scientists couldn’t conquer. Desperate measures were taken. Dr. Gaster and Dr. Osteo began to disagree on which line should remain uncrossed, and in the end, such a line divided their scientific partnership indefinitely.

*** “our reports showed a massive anomaly in the timespace continuum. timelines jumping left and right, stopping and starting...until suddenly, everything ends.” — The Fall.

Dr. Gaster became wiped from time, space, and memory, creating a fractured timeline. This left random holes of missing information in its wake, including the identity of Gaster and those who worked alongside him.

Due to the circumstances in which it happened, Sans retained memories of the previous unfractured timeline. He tried to retrieve Dr. Gaster and the other team members from what he coined The Void, including attempts of bringing theoretical time travel to fruition, but never showed complete success. Sans has multiple theories on The Void, what it is, where it is, and how his lost teammates are able to maintain a semblance of cognitive reasoning within it.

Early in his research, Sans discovered the possibility of communication between their plane and The Void, but soon found that the communication held little value. While seemingly aware, the monsters ability to convey information clearly was deteriorated. Sans theorizes that their mental capabilities are not whole within The Void, strewn apart like unraveled yarn dolls, leaving them with little more than mad ramblings.

Some time after the timelines fragmentation, The Royal Laboratory found reports of anomalies in the timespace continuum. Sans continued to monitor these reports as he researched The Void under the impression that they could be related. Eventually, he was able to pinpoint that a single living anomaly was the cause of the timelines erratic behavior.

Sans at first theorized that the anomaly (Flowey) was simply unhappy, and would stop toying with timelines if they could find companionship. Once the timespace continuum was stabilized, he hoped to breech The Void and restore the original timeline. After countless attempts of befriending and reaching a “happy ending”, as Sans dubbed it, this theory proved false. The anomaly continued to Reset regardless of its emotional state until a new anomaly (The Human) came along and appeared to usurp its power.  

***

“i gave up trying to go back a long time ago.” — From Dr. Osteo to Mr. Funnybone.

With all efforts proven meaningless and all theories at a dead end, Sans essentially gave up trying to stop the Resets from occurring or extracting his teammates from The Void. He attempted to live a normal life despite what he knew. For a short time, he found escapism in comedy, dubbing himself “Mr. Funnybone” and taking comfort in the laughter of his fellow monsterkind. If they were going down, at least it would be after a good time.

The positive spin was difficult to maintain. Sans continued searching new methods of mental escape as old ways became numb. Eventually, however, every pleasure lost its luster and every comfort became dull. Occasionally he found himself drawn back to his lab and reports, but found no hidden answers among the dust.

Sans accepted existential nihilism as the only explanation for life and its absurdities. With this belief, he found it difficult to justify effort and goals, and spent some time unemployed while his savings dwindled away. He slept, he ate, he existed only by definition.

It was by push of his younger brother, Papyrus, that Sans bothered to take up another job. Sentry Duty is little more than booth babysitting, but the one tiny step sparked something in Sans that led to a reemergence of motivation. Long term goals were meaningless, he decided, but short term gratification could still have merit. He could still earn money to keep him and his brother in comfort. He could still partake in the simple pleasures of life, such as good food and good laughs.    

Sans is aware that the time-space continuum will only take so much, and eventually, the fractures will destroy everything. He tries to simply enjoy the time that he has with the people he cares about, and maybe, one day, an answer to the timelines instability will appear. In the meantime, he just tries to keep everything from ending permanently— because hey, a slim chance is better than none, right?

*** “that, my friend, is called the sun.” — Freedom.

The timelines will never be returned to their original state, but the fragments are filled and anomaly's power is no more. With time, Sans begins to adjust to consistent timeline once more, free of Resets and impending doom (for now.)

Eventually, Sans revisits his abandoned goal of opening The Void. After much effort, he is finally, finally successful. With this, the final piece of the timeline is restored. Dr. Gaster, thanks in part to his injection of DETERMINATION, is able to survive the process of returning to their plane. Their teammates are not so fortunate. They leave their entrapment, but do not survive beyond The Voids hold.

There is no immediate mend to the broken friendship of Dr. Gaster and the previous Dr. Osteo. There is no immediate shift from Sans nihilistic tendency. He is aware, far more than the average mind is perhaps aware, that life as we know it is fleeting. The Timeline Fracture was only one of many possible interruptions on what many believe is guaranteed life. There is, Sans knows, no guarantee of anything.

As a result of his exposure to fractured timelines and resets, Sans short-term memory is deteriorating. While he is in his 30′s, it is hardly noticeable and has no impact on his daily life. When he is an elder, he will suffer fractions of short and long-term memory loss.

In rare moments, he will forget that he is no longer Dr. Osteo, and that his laboratory has long since been boarded up. He will forget that he is no longer Mr. Funnybone with an audience to attend to. He is only Sans. Sans, the skeleton. He loves his little brother and a well made burger. He enjoys trading jokes with a former Queen. He takes the anomaly to school on Wednesdays.

While his memories may be fading, Sans does not suppose that it is such a sad thing to forget once and awhile. After all, he still has some good food, some bad laughs, and some nice friends.

[hodariblue]

a birth day

I don’t have too many words for what it means to make it to this solar revolution/return. But as talking to myself through timespace has been one of my main ways of moving through this experience, here are a few:

I have struggled seeing myself in the future and have often romanticized my own early death because I coped with my trauma through normalization and finding beauty in the most painful of circumstances. It hurt too much to expect something better and be repeatedly disappointed, so why not turn the turmoil into meaningful plot lines in some inspiring coming-of-age film within my head? A film where my death inspires other people to live out their dreams or be kinder to one another - a thought rooted in deep insecurity as well as some over-inflation of my importance. Like what if I died, and that was it?                   I        just          died,          and everything mostly          continued                 exactly         as          it         did                 when I was here.

I am growing and working on unlearning this

Giving myself the space            to feel/fill            possibilities that excite me

Giving myself permission

And as I do this,

every day feels a lot like a miracle.

Like a divine opportunity to learn and experience. To notice new details. Like turning a new page in the coloring book that is my life. I feel this more on some days than others, but I am beginning to internalize this as a foundational truth of my existence. Hopefully.

Maybe feeling death so closely means I get to feel life closely too. 

Hopefully.

And it feels a lot like a miracle. 

Like the clarity of a new glasses prescription, but even that takes time to adjust to. I got so used to seeing things as I did that I didn’t even know it could be better.

Or like giving birth to a baby, but that is also painful, too. From what I’ve heard. And scary. What a grand release of control and also an act of so much power. All at the same time. The bravery in letting go.

I would not be the me that I am today without all of the people and other beings I am privileged to build and remember home with. 

I’m talking bout 

the sweet older Black women I see at Piedmont grocery who greet me with the warmest of smiles                                                                                   and                                                                                  the red hibiscus flowers I see on the corner of 62nd on my morning walk - near the JW church and Bushrod Park                                             and                                                                                      the loved ones who share the biggest of bear hug embraces with me - the ones that have you saying mhmmm so deeply like damn this got my bones feeling held. like all the way down to marrow. like damn i didn’t know i could be snatched like this.

So as I’m here reflecting on my own experience, I can’t help but think of all of my loved ones, too. I love you, deeply. And I am practicing loving you and myself unconditionally. I believe it is one of the most radical things we can do in a system that teaches us to hate each other and ourselves. 

The word “radical” means relating to the root. What if the root of all evil and harm is a lack of love? I know it sounds cheesy. And I know the Bible says the root of all wrongdoing is a love of money. But if money is just a tool to express value then maybe starting with value makes more sense. To get to the root.

“I love you“ 

as in “I value you” 

as in “you are important to me” 

as in “I am so grateful you are here” 

as in “I am in the practice of loving you exactly as you are in your entirety” 

as in “I am here with you, and I don’t always know what’s best, but I’m still here” 

as in “I enjoy yo ass so much and I don’t know how to express that to you in any other way than with this phrase we got, and even that shit ain’t enough”

It’s my first birthday without my dad here in this plane, and it’s tough cus I know he wanted to see me last year, but I was too caught up in my flow and too afraid of him truly seeing me that we didn’t get to be together. We hadn’t been physically together in about 6 years but emotionally even longer with the ways he was moving through his (*our) mental illness.

Wildly enough, I think we are somehow closer now than we’ve ever been. 

I get to be with my mom today. What an honor. After all, it is her birth day, too. And she’s sleeping on some couch cushions in pink silk pajamas with orange ear plugs and a black eye mask in my room right now, and it’s complex because every relationship is, but she is here. With me. 

And that is enough.

Often times the simple things are enough: 

laughing in the car crying to memes - how you’ve been so serious healing your trauma and working on yourself all these years that you forgot what laughter could do in a few minutes, 

biking down telegraph with a loved one on the bike they gave you - seeing the sunshine turn their golden curls even brighter and the way their brown rich skin activates and glows - how light your breath feels in this moment,

tarot table turned pisces-to-pisces check-in about lovers and what it means to be our own lovers on our paths of becoming - remembering we are the greatest romance of our lives,

dancing in the blues and reds of the club losing our hard forms and lines becoming soft silhouettes - sweat, spirit and smiles - ancient movement,

breakfast in the backyard on a leant, white, antique table with lopsided legs and so much to offer, 

running naked into ocean beach under a full moon remembering what felt like your entire life for the first time, 

skating near the Disney center in downtown LA like we owned the streets - like we were frozen out of time - like we were never getting older,

These are the moments I live for. The ones that really help me stay here. The ones that help tip the scales from tragedy and pain to joy and freeness. But it is a scale, and it’s all there at the end of the day. That’s what makes it whole. Both sides. That’s what makes me whole. Both sides.

Imma make a blog this year, since instagram ain’t really a word place, aaannnnd I worry I take up too much space there. It’s my digital inner space though, and people can come and go as they please. There really is no pressure. Anyways, in the spirit of missing out on my queer Tumblr youth endeavors, maybe this will be another dimension of my exploration.

Imma make a book, too. Cus why not?

Imma make an album, too. Cus it sounds fun.

And a movie, too. Cus I already see my life as one.

Soundtrack for this post is Devonté Hynes “Hair”  (feel free to run this scene back with this song playing in the background) (or not - it’s your trip)

Thanks for being here. Cheers to another linear year together. May we continue moving in circles.

Notes: *I say “our” mental illness because I refuse the notion that mental illness and our emotional/spiritual wellness is ever solely individual. We are social interconnected beings, and what my pops had to move through was deeply related to the ills our larger society suffers from. 

[alexanderofbrennenburg]

cathper replied to your post: cathper replied to your post: ...

i would love to hear them

ok! little ralsei-related ?? snippets i noticed

obv the anagram that everyone and their mom noticed, but i like to think of ralsei as his own person, related to asriel in an AU/extension kind of way

i mean he does have colored horns, which boss monsters don’t have, but then there’s the speculation on them being related to kris’s fake red horns they wore as a kid

big shoutout to uuuuuuh the delta rune symbol being super important both here and in undertale

more asriel-related things are, in the practice fight/tutorial ralsei sets up for u he says almost the same exact lines as flowey does when he first shows u the battlebox in undertale. he also seems to have fire-related healing magic which is boss monster-related. 

he ALSO sings as one of his spells- father alvin the preacher in hometown notes that asriel use to sing a lot in the choir.

the fact that ralsei just??? lives in this completely empty village and says he’s always been alone his whole life. did he just raise himself as a baby? did he and the town just manifest when needed? has his own timeline been reset in a way he doesn’t remember something???

his castle is just like on the edge of this fucked up oily silent dark world whats up with that. NOTHING living or sentient seems to exist here and it seems ancient with the eye glyphs but the metallic wiggly things are??? its completely detached in terms of atmosphere and appearance to the card land (or whatev u wanna call it).

he DEFINITELY knows somethings up with the whole “player possessing” theory. he gives u a manual which u (the player) can’t read. it says something like “its too dense for you to make out”. the manual is still in the files and had something that REALLY stood out to me

“seizure” first comes up in the vessel creator*** and in this case seems to stand for it’s definition of “to control or use by force”. the “coveted seizure-related” options here are things like game volume etc, things the game characters cant control and undertale didn’t offer, but of course, the player possessing and controlling kris can.

also lightly asriel-related. the manual cover has macaroni art which was in asgore’s castle/home back in undertale as artwork that said “for king dad”, assuming from asriel (chara drew the flower).

another time ralsei seems to notice kris is not themself is in the prison. he’s testing something. first, he asks kris to help susie with a puzzle on the other side of the wall. he KNOWS kris can’t see it. but kris “talks susie through” the puzzle anyways. because the player can see it. so then, no matter what option we make kris say, ralsei will ask us to close our eyes and imagine what susie is doing, prompting us to focus on her and semi-control her for a bit while, i’m assuming, ralsei voices his concerns or questions kris when we can’t hear.

ppl have pointed out that other characters group ralsei in with the lighteners, he’s NEVER called a darkner or calls himself one. i tried to fact-check bc i swear one person might’ve referred to him as a darkner but i can’t find it now. even jevil calls him a lightener and if anyone would know he would.

like ralsei’s entire introduction (if u wanna pick at every single word or phrase, which toby fox just BEGS us to do). the prophecy is “foretold by time and space” didn’t sans and pap refer to this? “is he pranking you across time and space?” “a massive anomaly in the timespace continuum”. also, does ralsei ever directly refer to himself as the prince from the prophecy?? does he just insert himself???? someone else pointed out it could be lancer, an actual prince from the dark.

when u return to hometown/lightener’s world and you show up in the unused classroom, the whole card land is shown as toys and boards and stuff.... but the locked door is the great door and where ralsei is from??? is the pitch black supply closet with no form.

the only thing that would support ralsei being a darkener is his manual stating the darkness gives him his form- but does he just not know any better, or does everything living in the darkner world just have to rely on the fountains?

*** i have like a whole book on vessel creator theories too half of them came up just typing this out 

BUT THATS JUST A THEORY A GAME THEORY

[blackdragon-sama]

okay... i just woke from just about the trippiest dream ever

it started out as me being a boy (15sh, maybe?) and thw whole world is just a... weird place, maybe post-apocalyptic, i don’t know food is sparse, everyone is just weird, idek

so, i meed this girl and am instantly taken, but, for some reason, we have to run away from someone or something. we end up entering through a barrier (it sometimes was just a gate, sometimes a door, sometimes just walking from one area to the next) into an ice desert that also ends up being an other-dimensional space, where time has no meaning and everytime we leave and enter, the space changes a little (though it always stays an icy desert, sometimes there’s tall formations (like these overhead line towers for power lines), sometimes there’s ruins of buildings, sometimes, there’s a fucking supermarket parking space in the middle of the day)

at some point, in that space there, we meet a man that’s trying to help, but later on starts hunting us, before having another change of mind and starts helping again while we try to figure out what is going on we meet: my mother, my little brother, my father, a gothic-lolita looking little girl (about 4ish years old?) an aging baby (who could speak) an old man that was looking for his wife and he kept saying “the worst thing is knowing” and several others me and my brother both have a hidden, third eye on our foreheads, though his, he’s been hiding his whole life for some reason (he wasn’t supposed to have it, because i was from another father? or i was cursed or something.) basically, it’s becoming a really strange back-and-forth between “reality” and this alternate space, while we try to flee from the unknown thread and make our way forward

there was a really intense shift of scenes, we met so many odd people, but it then slowly cumulated into a sort-of climax basically, we were tracking back through “time”, slowly and gradually understanding that we’ve known the people we’ve met all our lives, because we start understanding that we ARE those people. 

i am the old man that laments about the fact that “knowing is the worst”, i am my own little brother, i am the man that tries to help us, and i am the man that is hunting us, and as we keep running away, meeting a man that’s pretty much the dr. octavius of sandwich-making, i decide it’s safest for the girl with me to go our separate ways and try to find each other again at a later place i put her into a (...uh,.. conveniently parked-in-the-street and large engough) baby carriage, pull the top thing over, to protect her from the heavy rain and push her down the street (i think i switched views somewhere, but i can’t even tell anymore) while she’s scooting down the streets, i become her and the person guiding the carriage. she starts giving directions in a sort-of prophetic way so we won’t crash into anything or anyone. there’s a moment where we drive by a giant fucking cruise ship in the wet, rainy streets and it’s about the most normal thing i’ve seen in this entire mess of a dream

we start driving up a spiraling street, meeting people from the beginning of the dream, and i remember seeing these scenes from the other side (basically i’m meeting myself, but from the opposite site), i start understanding that the gothic child was the girl, and going up further, she looses her energy more and more, turning smaller, older, until she’s the aging, prophetic baby, going up, going up even further, a scene from the very beginning repeats, again, i see it from another point of view, as an old lady leans over the carriage, caressing over the girl’s cheek, then whispering “you’re the son” we reach the very top, suddenly being in the hall of a small home, where my character’s mother stands with my little brother, much younger/earlier in time, who complains he’s being cold. without hesitating, the mother opens the window, letting the icy wind inside (we’re still in ice-alternative-space) he starts shaking really bad and ends up shrivelling up and dying she does something to the body and then picks up me/the girl, who’s being baby-sized now, and does something to shift her into looking like my little brother did BANG!

realization time! i am my own little brother, i am the boy, i am the girl, i am the old man yelling that knowing is the worst, i am my own husband, i am my own wife, i am my own child, i am the old lady, i am every-fucking-one in this fucked-up interdimension-travelling space, and i am in love with myself, to the point where i end up having myself with myself.

the dream switches back to the beginning setup, with me and the girl at about teenage aged. we realize we’ve looped through time and that we’re going to become the people we’ve met, whether we want or not over in the distance, we can see icy-wonky-timespace changing, revealing new, pencil-sketch-looking areas we know we’ll have to go and experience, and i say that i can understand the old man now.

she says she’ll end up killing me (i can’t fully remember the reason, but there was one) and i sigh and nod. i know she will kill me and it’s going to be really bad, i hate knowing it. i hate knowing we’re not who we think we are, i hate knowing there’s nothing we can do to end the circle of it all

and wham, i wake up. another night, spend dreaming a whole fucking MOVIE (somwhere in between it WAS a movie, with a french title about something along the lines of clouds and blue sheep, i don’t even know)

.....i might want to mention that this is not even the whole of it. i skipped over most of the details, like how only foods with high salt-content are still edible, and all the beautiful cakes and fruit in the forsaken shops are pretty, but inedible, because the apocalypse (????) messed up sugars or a bit with supply hunting where i find blue flyers that tell us about dangers to come or the bit about all the dogs, either hunting us, being adorbs or being a possible food source or the part with the chinese lady wanting to very badly have the aging baby for herself (for... some reason i forgot) or the high-speed ride down some streets to a giant plaza, once in the sunlight, once in the rain at night the sandwich guy chasing us realizing i’m in love with the girl a long thing about my snails and how i have to deal with the eggs and newly-hatched babysnails that basically had nothing to do with anything

[cheryls-blossomed]

The finale, I made it. Well it was really good, not great but I actually enjoyed it. Mostly the WA & RF stuff. B speech to N was a nice call back to S3. CR&K SL was nice. Wish we got to see more of their ship develop but most of it happened off screen. Matter of fact the show really didn’t show any romance in S5. No, S&R (not complaining about that), no CR&K, no B&I or J&C. There wasn’t any real attn paid to any of them. Of course B&I are the main ship & should get most of the focus but they 1/3

put these ships out there & didn’t give them hardly any screen time but apparently R was so in love w/S that she blindly went to another earth no questions ask 🙄. Anyway, they finally stopped C2, so goodbye to the most painful big bad arcs we all had to misfortune to watch. A drawn out mess is what it was. The dagger destroyed, RF escape just in time, great scene w/ him & the guards. N reverse time, save the guards. RF reveals again how calculating he is to B&N, the chase scene loved it. 2/3

The team confrontation w/RF, 👍🏾. Somehow they couldn’t come up with a plan like that to defeat C. N almost RFing RF. B taking N into the neg SF to save her. N leaving the SF believing she needs to sacrifice herself instead. The emo WA of N being erased was still heartbreaking to watch, seeing & hearing the devastation fr I & the shock & disbelief on B face. J comfort B&I 😢. Cap S saying he knew B was the Flash 👍🏾. B&I scene at the end, loved it, their chem on point as always 3/3

Yeah, the second half of the finale was very good, but the first half was obviously pretty lackluster, although that was to be expected given how awful the Cicadas were as the season-long big bads. 

Honestly, I don’t think the Flash writers have shown particular investment in most of the romance on the show, Westallen being the obvious exception to this, which is why I never really understood why they would introduce romantic relationships on the fly and not give them any screentime or development, but expect viewers to buy into these romances, nonetheless. Barry and Iris are the only well-developed romantic relationship, and even there the writing has not been perfect, particularly in terms of shortchanging Westallen big, important romantic moments. But, the writers are clearly invested in Westallen hence why they wrote their love transcends timespace love story as strongly as they did, and this is also why it’s so easy to be so invested in them. The same cannot be said for pretty much every other romantic relationship, past or present, on the show.

Season 5 was the worst for romance, in that there was no romance portrayed onscreen, for the most part. Cisco and Kamilla didn’t kiss once onscreen, but after one date, their relationship is now social media official. They had like three scenes together at Jitters over the course of the season. Joe and Cecile were barely onscreen together, and when they were, their baby was nowhere to be seen. Sherloque and Renee suddenly being completely in love with one another, when there was no development of their relationship, outside of it being highkey creepy that Sherloque was infatuated with the same woman on different earths, was absurd. But my guess is that Tom wanted his new Wells to be in a romance, and so they just wrote something to accommodate that, but weren’t invested in doing much with that relationship otherwise. Even Barry and Iris barely got to be romantic with one another in season 5. I mean, honestly, outside of 5x05, they didn’t exactly have purely romantic scenes. 

I agree that the Team’s confrontation with Thawne was excellent. One of the most intense sequences on the show, and I do think it showcased how to integrate the Team dynamic without Barry's abilities being diluted for no reason, outside of plot force. Nora’s decision was heart-wrenching, but also demonstrative of how much she’s grown as a hero. It’s unfortunate that that growth was not gradual, but instead really only came in the final hour. Still, Iris pleading with Nora was gut-wrenching, and Nora disintegrating in her parents’ arms was truly devastating. 

I loved the final Westallen scene. Their chemistry was amazing, and it goes to show how egregious it was that the season basically ignored how much magic these actors can produce together. That easily was one of the strongest scenes in the entire season, and I love how Barry and Iris softly comfort one another in the wake of this unthinkable tragedy. And then we get hit with yet another gut-wrenching moment when Barry and Iris find Nora’s message to them and watch it. Truly heart-breaking, of course, but there’s also hope in Nora’s message, and that’s what made the moment so poignant. 

I was so happy when Captain Singh finally revealed that he knew Barry was the Flash. Great moment, and I hope that that wasn’t the last we saw of Singh. 

[be21zh]

been preyed among mob.

Jun 12, 2017

a relaxing dream in which I visited my artist friends in Tianjin art college. at first I dreamt with BianQiong, my Tibet painter friend, and his friend. they live in dorm like a family. then shifted to a house near door and some of those students there working and chatting. I using English with a friend from my hometown neighbor county, who is humble and treated me well even I visited BianQiong in vacation but then the moment didn't paid him enough attentions but kindness felt. he sometimes mixed with my impression on another guy in the art college who also attracted me with his abled attitude. we chatted in English but my English seemingly not fluent enough and sometimes the students there in the house perceived it. its a peaceful dream and I without any pressure but enjoy staying. last 2 weeks I too busy to blog. my son's nexus 6 lost due to forgot to fetch after sport, likely accompanied by his sinful intrusive mom, a really small woman and poor gifted junior teacher. but next day she registered the lost on local stadium administrative and it even returned intact. I even disappointed by my son's loose management and bad memories, but ready to accept the misfortune. my son really glad to regain his nexus, he hummed upstairs when I waiting him in Sunday visit. last week I under heavy government sponsored hacking, detained my downloading windows 10 creator edition iso. I also tried to rebuild router os after disastrous intrusion. I failed times and times to make configurations backup. later I gave up backup now that if I left most of router profile default then will be less shortage of ram and lagging response. we also elated with new auto-connecting script and localized vpn server script, a byproduct huge finding during googling our problems. it fix our pains on ass of vpn connection which frequented by PRC surveillance and problematic. its really a great achievement saves. even most of the weeks busy and fruitful, PRC surveillance turns freakier now. my facing dorm moved in some young beast with stylish pig tail on his head, staying all day indoor babbled. most night when I went to toilet and back, their door left opener and room in dark, just remind me their capable of surveillance, poisoning, and stealth. that sometimes made me unease, but I know who is more unbalanced and revengeful. I put my fate in holy bliss. let thieves trying rob me in day time and in shadows. CCP and PRC literally makes everyone poorer day by day, minute by minute. its a burning fire heap that destroys any surplus in Chinese society. God, bring me sooner my Royal China. bring me my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for better management of my life, of my Empire of China from my heroic ancestor. bring us surprise in this month salary day.

May 28, 2017

dreamt in a journey and next day we will return. I designed a multimedia and have to change some text in it. I tried many ways then found have to install then hack text string, one for title, one for calculation result. then in a class there are some guests. a black child played with my son and slammed my son's face. I angry with my son and urged him to slam back. then the black dad join the war and forced me to pay more attention and compensation. that's likely concerns about my son's English tutor his sinful mom arranged under a black man's lecture in her college, Qiqihar Univ, where she still felt romantic or fantasy. yesterday google alphago, AI powered chess rebot, beat all human Chinese go players. back to bed, dream continue about the lost. I saw some collegians lived around, like QRRS dorm stuffed by young blue-collar workers. I tried asking if they saw my suitcase. no one listened in their games. one of them likely my once QRRS colleague in tech department, Chen Ziming, who left QRRS for better career prospective decade ago, later told me alone that I too risky to put my baggage outside of door and packed valued items inside. I should pay for my careless. its a long morning and my late dream echos turbulent wind outside of window. last night my stomach painful midnight and I had to get up to shit twice to relieve the uncomfort. the dorm canteen's operator, the husband of the woman, turned hostile to me. the marching team in dusk around QRRS square also hated me, just like I didn't appreciate their noisy boombox and coarse taste of music, too. young workers esp close neighbored in the dorm long time grudged with me, trying all means to upset me, to hurt me. the dangers in mop sometimes put me in chill. but I have nothing but mission. coming lunar dragon boat holiday let me so lonely, like the Chinese girl Yang shuping lectured in her graduation ceremony in US aroused so many blind hates in sinking PRC young dogs, exactly her plain true thankful emotion toward American years educated her. dog PRC hated anything out of its humility. they turning China more and more mirror of bankrupted MidEast, purest poverty, now that they never care anything in the world out of their mouths, or their teeths' tearing and grinding, world of mere prey. God, dad, bring me sooner my vested Empire from my grand ancestor, for harmony Chinese family and life. bring me soone my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for sanity of nowadays Chinese society. bring me more offspring for future 1109 years my new Empire of China reset for span timespace. grant us a merry holiday, esp woz's last children holiday coming less than a week.

May 22, 2017

dreamt at my hometown with my old family who all catering a new baby whose centered likely my son. lots of relatives jammed in the bedroom once my old parents prepared for their first next generation's wedding, my 2nd brother's. I held the infant and sending him sleep but in a blink I only holding blanket while the baby missing. then on the edge of bed and edge of the entrance of the room, on uneven stone or plastic teeth of a plate the infant sleeping. his head left on bare rugged without clothes cushion but thank God its OK. we carefully shift him to new infant bed. my 2nd elder brother's wife, their first son, my 3rd elder sister esp helpful in caring relatives crowd. the infant under so many attentions that I felt he must be my newly born son. in second view during a break I thought he might be my brother's 2nd son's first son. the nephew married a neighbor village girl then soon divorced. he now rumored dislikes woman and kept single, that's his mother claimed about her own son in front of me in our latest hometown tour. I think he more likes his grandpa than his elder brother, who had 3 children now, and merits belongs to be our family members but not a clue in his mom who bold and shameless feminism, like generous, honest, integrity, kind, etc. I told him my appreciation in once QQ chat session decade ago when he still a boy. today is Monday morning. I again in chill felt boring and napped. yesterday I bought my son small fishes and shrimps from an elder amateur vendor who is lonely and hopeless aside the road where I went alone to buy fruits. I intended to do him a favor but he refused aid. so I bought his all he charged ￥15, a small heap small fishes and a small heap of shrimps. I left him a peach and 2 CNY extra and fled to evade the elder's defying. I told my son how small fishes with small hot pepper can be delicious for in my teenage my 2nd elder brother quite sometimes bring home the food material after his school, ie. he caught fishes in pond or rice fields after school hours. it left me life long appetite. I really hope my son find the delicacy but so far I unable to contact him on the phone about the dish the grandma loathed to prepare with before I left in Sunday dusk. I also bought my son extra fruits, including litchi and mango, peach, for my son loathed to let me buy fruits after showered in public bathroom. I feed him with litchi and mango before left him alone in his android games. we really enjoyed the fruits. on Wednesday I will fetch his birthday cake ordered online, and celebrate his 13 birthday together ( woz 12 birthday reported here). God dad, I recently felt more solider to accept de facto that my offspring limits to one son. I trust Holy arrangement and humble of my son's mother family, her insanity. God dad, grant me more children in my prime time. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. link our nations, our blood bond on new land that shared among us. bring more laugh and companions in my life in family forever hospitable and bright. BTW, these days media reveals misery of pangolins which extincting after sinful PRC Chinese insane appetite, God, dad, pl save the adorable animal, which is key to remain rampant ants lair everywhere those years under control. let's bee and pangolin forever happily enjoy the planet as we do. God dad, pl!

May 21, 2017

dreamt with ample details after migrated into US. an elder Chinese woman with her spouse contacted me for rent her house or living matters in America. yesterday I happily dispatched salary and sliced it into feeding small bills due monthly, ie. laundry, groupon for salon, spa, dining out. woz's birthday celebration also booked. local debtee received partial return. God dad, grant me next month reserves for my hosting plan renewal on godaddy. this week also somewhat busy. I napped on Monday morning after found jobless and exhausted after joys of reunited son the day before. Tuesday morning I restored, found I can add feedback form onto my google sites. then I launched to learn google form, component of Gsuite, to enrich my website's interactivity. my long time afraid of form and script in microsoft office suite cured by google form's easy to use. in an hour I built up my survey for my google sites and published, inc checkbox, multi-choice, rate, scale, dropdown, pictures etc lots of elements of interactive. google form's response analysis amazingly rich, in pie chart, bar chart, and lots of charts that's easy understanding while informative first impression. Friday I rebuilt my portable os on a retired ssd, after failed to fix ubuntu's lingering error. this time I made the bootable images more cleaner and handier. in woz's monthly visit my dorm, I demonstrated him my websites' new element, survey. and we enjoyed snack routinely, and hot water washing feet powered by dorm's heater just recovered from broke down. dorm canteen loaned me ￥100, but God knows how we satisfied in our companion and companion of hard times. God dad, my living so far designated to deal with a salary ￥3000/month, how real during hopes and joys in dealing with the only source of income. God dad, how I endear my life within this tiny time space here and now on the planet and before climate disaster, while we stride into big chances never seen holy grants. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, and my vested Empire of China, and our future new land of north and water peculiar cold sweet. grant my cyberspace startup booming in business and influential of public mind. thx for my new summer pants with mobile pockets my nephew offered free weeks ago in my hard time.

  LOFTER：riveryog, 旎宫嘉坊   http://ift.tt/2shIQDW

[chinad]

threats of robbing in poverty infused PRC by CCP dog.

Jun 12, 2017

a relaxing dream in which I visited my artist friends in Tianjin art college. at first I dreamt with BianQiong, my Tibet painter friend, and his friend. they live in dorm like a family. then shifted to a house near door and some of those students there working and chatting. I using English with a friend from my hometown neighbor county, who is humble and treated me well even I visited BianQiong in vacation but then the moment didn't paid him enough attentions but kindness felt. he sometimes mixed with my impression on another guy in the art college who also attracted me with his abled attitude. we chatted in English but my English seemingly not fluent enough and sometimes the students there in the house perceived it. its a peaceful dream and I without any pressure but enjoy staying. last 2 weeks I too busy to blog. my son's nexus 6 lost due to forgot to fetch after sport, likely accompanied by his sinful intrusive mom, a really small woman and poor gifted junior teacher. but next day she registered the lost on local stadium administrative and it even returned intact. I even disappointed by my son's loose management and bad memories, but ready to accept the misfortune. my son really glad to regain his nexus, he hummed upstairs when I waiting him in Sunday visit. last week I under heavy government sponsored hacking, detained my downloading windows 10 creator edition iso. I also tried to rebuild router os after disastrous intrusion. I failed times and times to make configurations backup. later I gave up backup now that if I left most of router profile default then will be less shortage of ram and lagging response. we also elated with new auto-connecting script and localized vpn server script, a byproduct huge finding during googling our problems. it fix our pains on ass of vpn connection which frequented by PRC surveillance and problematic. its really a great achievement saves. even most of the weeks busy and fruitful, PRC surveillance turns freakier now. my facing dorm moved in some young beast with stylish pig tail on his head, staying all day indoor babbled. most night when I went to toilet and back, their door left opener and room in dark, just remind me their capable of surveillance, poisoning, and stealth. that sometimes made me unease, but I know who is more unbalanced and revengeful. I put my fate in holy bliss. let thieves trying rob me in day time and in shadows. CCP and PRC literally makes everyone poorer day by day, minute by minute. its a burning fire heap that destroys any surplus in Chinese society. God, bring me sooner my Royal China. bring me my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for better management of my life, of my Empire of China from my heroic ancestor. bring us surprise in this month salary day.

May 28, 2017

dreamt in a journey and next day we will return. I designed a multimedia and have to change some text in it. I tried many ways then found have to install then hack text string, one for title, one for calculation result. then in a class there are some guests. a black child played with my son and slammed my son's face. I angry with my son and urged him to slam back. then the black dad join the war and forced me to pay more attention and compensation. that's likely concerns about my son's English tutor his sinful mom arranged under a black man's lecture in her college, Qiqihar Univ, where she still felt romantic or fantasy. yesterday google alphago, AI powered chess rebot, beat all human Chinese go players. back to bed, dream continue about the lost. I saw some collegians lived around, like QRRS dorm stuffed by young blue-collar workers. I tried asking if they saw my suitcase. no one listened in their games. one of them likely my once QRRS colleague in tech department, Chen Ziming, who left QRRS for better career prospective decade ago, later told me alone that I too risky to put my baggage outside of door and packed valued items inside. I should pay for my careless. its a long morning and my late dream echos turbulent wind outside of window. last night my stomach painful midnight and I had to get up to shit twice to relieve the uncomfort. the dorm canteen's operator, the husband of the woman, turned hostile to me. the marching team in dusk around QRRS square also hated me, just like I didn't appreciate their noisy boombox and coarse taste of music, too. young workers esp close neighbored in the dorm long time grudged with me, trying all means to upset me, to hurt me. the dangers in mop sometimes put me in chill. but I have nothing but mission. coming lunar dragon boat holiday let me so lonely, like the Chinese girl Yang shuping lectured in her graduation ceremony in US aroused so many blind hates in sinking PRC young dogs, exactly her plain true thankful emotion toward American years educated her. dog PRC hated anything out of its humility. they turning China more and more mirror of bankrupted MidEast, purest poverty, now that they never care anything in the world out of their mouths, or their teeths' tearing and grinding, world of mere prey. God, dad, bring me sooner my vested Empire from my grand ancestor, for harmony Chinese family and life. bring me soone my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for sanity of nowadays Chinese society. bring me more offspring for future 1109 years my new Empire of China reset for span timespace. grant us a merry holiday, esp woz's last children holiday coming less than a week.

May 22, 2017

dreamt at my hometown with my old family who all catering a new baby whose centered likely my son. lots of relatives jammed in the bedroom once my old parents prepared for their first next generation's wedding, my 2nd brother's. I held the infant and sending him sleep but in a blink I only holding blanket while the baby missing. then on the edge of bed and edge of the entrance of the room, on uneven stone or plastic teeth of a plate the infant sleeping. his head left on bare rugged without clothes cushion but thank God its OK. we carefully shift him to new infant bed. my 2nd elder brother's wife, their first son, my 3rd elder sister esp helpful in caring relatives crowd. the infant under so many attentions that I felt he must be my newly born son. in second view during a break I thought he might be my brother's 2nd son's first son. the nephew married a neighbor village girl then soon divorced. he now rumored dislikes woman and kept single, that's his mother claimed about her own son in front of me in our latest hometown tour. I think he more likes his grandpa than his elder brother, who had 3 children now, and merits belongs to be our family members but not a clue in his mom who bold and shameless feminism, like generous, honest, integrity, kind, etc. I told him my appreciation in once QQ chat session decade ago when he still a boy. today is Monday morning. I again in chill felt boring and napped. yesterday I bought my son small fishes and shrimps from an elder amateur vendor who is lonely and hopeless aside the road where I went alone to buy fruits. I intended to do him a favor but he refused aid. so I bought his all he charged ￥15, a small heap small fishes and a small heap of shrimps. I left him a peach and 2 CNY extra and fled to evade the elder's defying. I told my son how small fishes with small hot pepper can be delicious for in my teenage my 2nd elder brother quite sometimes bring home the food material after his school, ie. he caught fishes in pond or rice fields after school hours. it left me life long appetite. I really hope my son find the delicacy but so far I unable to contact him on the phone about the dish the grandma loathed to prepare with before I left in Sunday dusk. I also bought my son extra fruits, including litchi and mango, peach, for my son loathed to let me buy fruits after showered in public bathroom. I feed him with litchi and mango before left him alone in his android games. we really enjoyed the fruits. on Wednesday I will fetch his birthday cake ordered online, and celebrate his 13 birthday together ( woz 12 birthday reported here). God dad, I recently felt more solider to accept de facto that my offspring limits to one son. I trust Holy arrangement and humble of my son's mother family, her insanity. God dad, grant me more children in my prime time. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. link our nations, our blood bond on new land that shared among us. bring more laugh and companions in my life in family forever hospitable and bright. BTW, these days media reveals misery of pangolins which extincting after sinful PRC Chinese insane appetite, God, dad, pl save the adorable animal, which is key to remain rampant ants lair everywhere those years under control. let's bee and pangolin forever happily enjoy the planet as we do. God dad, pl!

May 21, 2017

dreamt with ample details after migrated into US. an elder Chinese woman with her spouse contacted me for rent her house or living matters in America. yesterday I happily dispatched salary and sliced it into feeding small bills due monthly, ie. laundry, groupon for salon, spa, dining out. woz's birthday celebration also booked. local debtee received partial return. God dad, grant me next month reserves for my hosting plan renewal on godaddy. this week also somewhat busy. I napped on Monday morning after found jobless and exhausted after joys of reunited son the day before. Tuesday morning I restored, found I can add feedback form onto my google sites. then I launched to learn google form, component of Gsuite, to enrich my website's interactivity. my long time afraid of form and script in microsoft office suite cured by google form's easy to use. in an hour I built up my survey for my google sites and published, inc checkbox, multi-choice, rate, scale, dropdown, pictures etc lots of elements of interactive. google form's response analysis amazingly rich, in pie chart, bar chart, and lots of charts that's easy understanding while informative first impression. Friday I rebuilt my portable os on a retired ssd, after failed to fix ubuntu's lingering error. this time I made the bootable images more cleaner and handier. in woz's monthly visit my dorm, I demonstrated him my websites' new element, survey. and we enjoyed snack routinely, and hot water washing feet powered by dorm's heater just recovered from broke down. dorm canteen loaned me ￥100, but God knows how we satisfied in our companion and companion of hard times. God dad, my living so far designated to deal with a salary ￥3000/month, how real during hopes and joys in dealing with the only source of income. God dad, how I endear my life within this tiny time space here and now on the planet and before climate disaster, while we stride into big chances never seen holy grants. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, and my vested Empire of China, and our future new land of north and water peculiar cold sweet. grant my cyberspace startup booming in business and influential of public mind. thx for my new summer pants with mobile pockets my nephew offered free weeks ago in my hard time.

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2s4MQ8o

[felixtheflava]

Medea of Euripides (1 of 3)

or: How to murder both your children and still be a feminist icon

(Strap in my dudes, this is gonna be a long one.)

Alright, tonight I’m gonna spout off about my favorite ancient Greek play, because I’m at the point in my life where that’s a category of things I have a favorite of. It’s Medea, by Euripides, the perennial loser of Athenian drama (quite literally--he almost always got last place in their drama competitions, which was a real thing). It’s a very interesting play for a lot of reasons, least of all being its specific subject material and the myth it references, but it’s still probably better if I throw up a bit of background anyway. Worth keeping in mind: All the mythological stuff I’m about to go into is stuff that Euripides would have expected his audience to know, so even if it isn’t in the play directly it’s still extremely relevant to the way events unfold. But, a lot of the specifics aren’t crucial, which is good both because in myth the specifics kind of tend to vary and because I’m not...super interested in going into all of them.

So, before going into the myth of Medea, we’re gonna have to start with Jason of Argonauts fame, which might be more immediately familiar. Jason’s whole scene is pretty typical for a Greek mythological hero--his dad was a king, but his uncle wanted to keep hanging out at his house and hitting on his mom. So he ordered someone to kill little baby Jason, which falls through in the way drowning a baby in the river usually does and Jason grows up in a simple life unaware of his royal lineage until adulthood. He comes back asking if his uncle (Peleus) would be so kind as to stop sitting on the throne that isn’t his, and maybe also stop making passes at his dead brother’s wife, which are both things Peleus is not super inclined to do because Peleus is a bit of a dirtbag. So Peleus tells him that he will be very happy to give Jason back his throne, just so long as Jason goes and gets the Golden Fleece from Colchis, which is the most impossible thing Peleus could come up with off the top of his head. For some reason Jason replies “that sounds reasonable” and we’re off to the races.

Part of why Peleus thought this was so impossible is because in the sort of fucked up mythological timespace we’re working with here boats didn’t exist yet, and Colchis is in the Black Sea. Today it would be somewhat the equivalent of asking someone to go get a slurpee from the Moon. But Jason has the gods on his side, and Athena does him the first of many solids by commissioning the first-ever boat, and from all around the greatest of mythological heroes come to crew it. Hercules, Castor and Pollux, Orpheus, you name it--if you’ve heard of them, they were probably on the Argo. So with this all-star cast, Jason sets out and has a number of adventures on the way to Colchis which aren’t super relevant so we’ll skip them. Oh, except for one thing--Jason sucks.

Like, really. Jason himself accomplishes almost nothing during the journey. Everytime the Argo gets itself into a bind, it’s one of the other heroes on board that rises to the occasion and gets them out. But hey, maybe when he gets to Colchis he’ll actually accomplish something, right?

Right?

So the Argo lands peacefully on Colchis, but not peacefully enough that the king there is about to just hand over his mythical golden ram hide over to some stranger. He takes a page out of Peleus’s book and tells him that he can have the fleece only if he completes a whole series of totally impossible tasks. And Jason rises to the challenge!...by having the gods help him out again. This time it’s Aphrodite who drew the short straw, so she helps out in the only way she knows how--she sets up a meeting with the king’s daughter and has Eros shoot her with an arrow to make her fall in love with Jason. This proves a valuable asset to him because the Colchian royalty are descended from the sun god, and this woman in particular is an exceptionally powerful witch. And it’s relevant for us, because that woman is Medea, one of the most interesting and complicated characters in all of mythology.

Fuck I’m bad at this whole brevity thing. I’ll continue this in another post, make a series out of it, if a series is 3-4 episodes all released on the same day.

[be21zh]

Jun 12, 2017

a relaxing dream in which I visited my artist friends in Tianjin art college. at first I dreamt with BianQiong, my Tibet painter friend, and his friend. they live in dorm like a family. then shifted to a house near door and some of those students there working and chatting. I using English with a friend from my hometown neighbor county, who is humble and treated me well even I visited BianQiong in vacation but then the moment didn't paid him enough attentions but kindness felt. he sometimes mixed with my impression on another guy in the art college who also attracted me with his abled attitude. we chatted in English but my English seemingly not fluent enough and sometimes the students there in the house perceived it. its a peaceful dream and I without any pressure but enjoy staying. last 2 weeks I too busy to blog. my son's nexus 6 lost due to forgot to fetch after sport, likely accompanied by his sinful intrusive mom, a really small woman and poor gifted junior teacher. but next day she registered the lost on local stadium administrative and it even returned intact. I even disappointed by my son's loose management and bad memories, but ready to accept the misfortune. my son really glad to regain his nexus, he hummed upstairs when I waiting him in Sunday visit. last week I under heavy government sponsored hacking, detained my downloading windows 10 creator edition iso. I also tried to rebuild router os after disastrous intrusion. I failed times and times to make configurations backup. later I gave up backup now that if I left most of router profile default then will be less shortage of ram and lagging response. we also elated with new auto-connecting script and localized vpn server script, a byproduct huge finding during googling our problems. it fix our pains on ass of vpn connection which frequented by PRC surveillance and problematic. its really a great achievement saves. even most of the weeks busy and fruitful, PRC surveillance turns freakier now. my facing dorm moved in some young beast with stylish pig tail on his head, staying all day indoor babbled. most night when I went to toilet and back, their door left opener and room in dark, just remind me their capable of surveillance, poisoning, and stealth. that sometimes made me unease, but I know who is more unbalanced and revengeful. I put my fate in holy bliss. let thieves trying rob me in day time and in shadows. CCP and PRC literally makes everyone poorer day by day, minute by minute. its a burning fire heap that destroys any surplus in Chinese society. God, bring me sooner my Royal China. bring me my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for better management of my life, of my Empire of China from my heroic ancestor. bring us surprise in this month salary day.

May 28, 2017

dreamt in a journey and next day we will return. I designed a multimedia and have to change some text in it. I tried many ways then found have to install then hack text string, one for title, one for calculation result. then in a class there are some guests. a black child played with my son and slammed my son's face. I angry with my son and urged him to slam back. then the black dad join the war and forced me to pay more attention and compensation. that's likely concerns about my son's English tutor his sinful mom arranged under a black man's lecture in her college, Qiqihar Univ, where she still felt romantic or fantasy. yesterday google alphago, AI powered chess rebot, beat all human Chinese go players. back to bed, dream continue about the lost. I saw some collegians lived around, like QRRS dorm stuffed by young blue-collar workers. I tried asking if they saw my suitcase. no one listened in their games. one of them likely my once QRRS colleague in tech department, Chen Ziming, who left QRRS for better career prospective decade ago, later told me alone that I too risky to put my baggage outside of door and packed valued items inside. I should pay for my careless. its a long morning and my late dream echos turbulent wind outside of window. last night my stomach painful midnight and I had to get up to shit twice to relieve the uncomfort. the dorm canteen's operator, the husband of the woman, turned hostile to me. the marching team in dusk around QRRS square also hated me, just like I didn't appreciate their noisy boombox and coarse taste of music, too. young workers esp close neighbored in the dorm long time grudged with me, trying all means to upset me, to hurt me. the dangers in mop sometimes put me in chill. but I have nothing but mission. coming lunar dragon boat holiday let me so lonely, like the Chinese girl Yang shuping lectured in her graduation ceremony in US aroused so many blind hates in sinking PRC young dogs, exactly her plain true thankful emotion toward American years educated her. dog PRC hated anything out of its humility. they turning China more and more mirror of bankrupted MidEast, purest poverty, now that they never care anything in the world out of their mouths, or their teeths' tearing and grinding, world of mere prey. God, dad, bring me sooner my vested Empire from my grand ancestor, for harmony Chinese family and life. bring me soone my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for sanity of nowadays Chinese society. bring me more offspring for future 1109 years my new Empire of China reset for span timespace. grant us a merry holiday, esp woz's last children holiday coming less than a week.

May 22, 2017

dreamt at my hometown with my old family who all catering a new baby whose centered likely my son. lots of relatives jammed in the bedroom once my old parents prepared for their first next generation's wedding, my 2nd brother's. I held the infant and sending him sleep but in a blink I only holding blanket while the baby missing. then on the edge of bed and edge of the entrance of the room, on uneven stone or plastic teeth of a plate the infant sleeping. his head left on bare rugged without clothes cushion but thank God its OK. we carefully shift him to new infant bed. my 2nd elder brother's wife, their first son, my 3rd elder sister esp helpful in caring relatives crowd. the infant under so many attentions that I felt he must be my newly born son. in second view during a break I thought he might be my brother's 2nd son's first son. the nephew married a neighbor village girl then soon divorced. he now rumored dislikes woman and kept single, that's his mother claimed about her own son in front of me in our latest hometown tour. I think he more likes his grandpa than his elder brother, who had 3 children now, and merits belongs to be our family members but not a clue in his mom who bold and shameless feminism, like generous, honest, integrity, kind, etc. I told him my appreciation in once QQ chat session decade ago when he still a boy. today is Monday morning. I again in chill felt boring and napped. yesterday I bought my son small fishes and shrimps from an elder amateur vendor who is lonely and hopeless aside the road where I went alone to buy fruits. I intended to do him a favor but he refused aid. so I bought his all he charged ￥15, a small heap small fishes and a small heap of shrimps. I left him a peach and 2 CNY extra and fled to evade the elder's defying. I told my son how small fishes with small hot pepper can be delicious for in my teenage my 2nd elder brother quite sometimes bring home the food material after his school, ie. he caught fishes in pond or rice fields after school hours. it left me life long appetite. I really hope my son find the delicacy but so far I unable to contact him on the phone about the dish the grandma loathed to prepare with before I left in Sunday dusk. I also bought my son extra fruits, including litchi and mango, peach, for my son loathed to let me buy fruits after showered in public bathroom. I feed him with litchi and mango before left him alone in his android games. we really enjoyed the fruits. on Wednesday I will fetch his birthday cake ordered online, and celebrate his 13 birthday together ( woz 12 birthday reported here). God dad, I recently felt more solider to accept de facto that my offspring limits to one son. I trust Holy arrangement and humble of my son's mother family, her insanity. God dad, grant me more children in my prime time. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. link our nations, our blood bond on new land that shared among us. bring more laugh and companions in my life in family forever hospitable and bright. BTW, these days media reveals misery of pangolins which extincting after sinful PRC Chinese insane appetite, God, dad, pl save the adorable animal, which is key to remain rampant ants lair everywhere those years under control. let's bee and pangolin forever happily enjoy the planet as we do. God dad, pl!

May 21, 2017

dreamt with ample details after migrated into US. an elder Chinese woman with her spouse contacted me for rent her house or living matters in America. yesterday I happily dispatched salary and sliced it into feeding small bills due monthly, ie. laundry, groupon for salon, spa, dining out. woz's birthday celebration also booked. local debtee received partial return. God dad, grant me next month reserves for my hosting plan renewal on godaddy. this week also somewhat busy. I napped on Monday morning after found jobless and exhausted after joys of reunited son the day before. Tuesday morning I restored, found I can add feedback form onto my google sites. then I launched to learn google form, component of Gsuite, to enrich my website's interactivity. my long time afraid of form and script in microsoft office suite cured by google form's easy to use. in an hour I built up my survey for my google sites and published, inc checkbox, multi-choice, rate, scale, dropdown, pictures etc lots of elements of interactive. google form's response analysis amazingly rich, in pie chart, bar chart, and lots of charts that's easy understanding while informative first impression. Friday I rebuilt my portable os on a retired ssd, after failed to fix ubuntu's lingering error. this time I made the bootable images more cleaner and handier. in woz's monthly visit my dorm, I demonstrated him my websites' new element, survey. and we enjoyed snack routinely, and hot water washing feet powered by dorm's heater just recovered from broke down. dorm canteen loaned me ￥100, but God knows how we satisfied in our companion and companion of hard times. God dad, my living so far designated to deal with a salary ￥3000/month, how real during hopes and joys in dealing with the only source of income. God dad, how I endear my life within this tiny time space here and now on the planet and before climate disaster, while we stride into big chances never seen holy grants. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, and my vested Empire of China, and our future new land of north and water peculiar cold sweet. grant my cyberspace startup booming in business and influential of public mind. thx for my new summer pants with mobile pockets my nephew offered free weeks ago in my hard time.