#another problem is that the die-hard stans will call her a queen and will say any critic is a hater or whatever and like. that stunts you.

[edenprime]

omg i thought i was the only one 😭😭 the album blends together and not in a good way, and i feel like there’s genuinely no effort in the lyrics? like ppl are gonna praise her writing but i literally went and listened to some folklore after and it’s so much better? like it’s not great songwriting AND it’s not a bop so what is it. (i did like who’s afraid of little old me tho and i like cassandra but i can imagine a version of it that’s 100 times better? like ur gonna invoke one of the most infamously screwed women in myth and do only that?)

exactly like i'm not even comparing her to other songwriters, i'm comparing her to herself!

even the better songs could've been so much better! like idk i'd have killed for a rock ballad, something like a more melancholy long live. i'm also not saying the whole thing is garbage. i like how she stuck it to the fans with but daddy i love him, because matty was a turd but the swifties really have no say in her dating life, and florida!!! is the only one that managed to get stuck in my head a little, but we're talking about 31 songs. 31 songs and each of us only found two (2) salvageable ones lol.

what happened to the reds and the 1989s, where you did not skip a song? what about folklore and evermore, where you had a cohesive album? there's such a mess with the themes and the sounds... idk, i feel like she tried to please everyone by having half the album by aaron and half by jack.

i read a critic that said something along the lines of "taylor said she needed to write all this, the thing is that maybe we didn't have to listen to it." and you know what. that's it. that's the problem. PRUNE IT!!! make it 15 songs instead of 30. make some hooks and write a banger or two. choose your favorites and have them edited by someone who's not your yes-man or your bestie. then, for the one year anniversary, release the b-side with the rest of the songs and hey! it would probably feel fresher that way.

[borisbubbles]

34. FINLAND

Aksel - “Looking back”

I LEGIT typed out “Erika Vikman - “Cicciolina” before realizing she didn’t win. UGH.🙄 It’s definitely *TOO SOON* to discuss “Cicciolina”, especially in this context, but I must, I guess. Oh and something called “Looking back” won UMK, let’s discuss that too. 

Song Analysis

Long before I even knew what an “Erika Vikman - Cicciolina” was, I knew that the song which would later be revealed to be “Looking back” had to be destroyed. Before the artist reveal, YLE posted a list of artists the UMK entrants felt inspired by and one of them (later to revealed to be Aksel’s) literally read “SAM SMITH AND ED SHEERAN”. Like, douse in gasoline and torch it alight, destroy any trace it existed.

And yup, “Looking back” possessed the worst of both upon release: the forgettability of Smith combined with the amorphousness of Sheeran, combining efforts to make a song that sounded vaguely competent upon listen and would be forgotten the second it ended. 

Unfortunately, it’s exactly *that* vaguest hint of competence which caused Aksel to beat Erika in the end (well that and the Cantiello Effect of being the only man in a sea of fun female-fronted entries), and ugh. I’m less annoyed by Erika losing (which I expected) than I am that it was *Askel* of all entrants that beat her (was it really that hard to rig for Tika instead?). It always sucks when personality and entertainment is being downvoted for bore-ass conformity. SIGH.

NF Corner

Adding further insult to injury, UMK was pretty good! I know you are ALL longing for my thoughts on Erika, but I will get my other fave out of the way first

Sansa - “Lover view”

Dreamy trance with an ELABORATE flexing choreography that had absolutely zero chance to finish anywhere but last. 😍 Naming herself after the best GoT character (given the complete assassination of poor Jaime by D&D)  It was love at first and last sight to be honest.😍 Becoming a ESCUnited editor has its perks: ie: giving “Lover View” a 10/10 which made it leapfrog over Aksel in the editor poll, right into second place behind Erika.  🤭

Okay, I won’t leave you pining any longer. Le beaujolais nouveau est arrivée: Everybody rise for Eurovision’s most slutastic seraph:

Erika Vikman - “Cicciolina”

ALL HAIL EMPRESS ERIKA VIKMAN, QUEEN OF CAMP

A TAMER OF HUSBEARS, A PARAGON OF EUROFAGDOM

A LOVER. A FIGHTER. A PHILISOPHER. A PRIEST. AN APOSTLE. A POET.

A HOLY MARTYR WHO DIED FOR OUR SINS .

“Cicciolina” was not a song. it was a religion. 

What an epic entrant, enthralling both friend and foe with its alluring siren song. My co-editor Roy thinks She’s one of the 10 cringiest NF acts of the 2020 season - I kindly told Roy to readjust his definition of the word “cringy” before he’s murdered in his sleep. The triptych of The Perfect Eurovision Entry is having an addictive beat, putting on an exciting show and displaying lovable personality quirks and Erika not only passed all three with flying rainbow colours, She redefined the metascape for further camp pearls yet to come. “Cicciolina” was sublime and MY favourite NF flop of the season. I feel blessed for having witnessed Her and being touched by Her righteous hearth-shaped, fushia-spandex, bear-hugging light. 

So yes, it is DEVASTATING that She lost, especially to Aksel (to quote Roy again: “why do you hate Aksel, [Looking Back] is just a pop ballad” mhm exactly the problem, bro). So, you may ask yourself, if I resent the idea of Aksel beating Erika, then why don’t I rank Aksel lower than this? 

By some weird stroke of luck, I feel sorry for Aksel. Like, here’s the deal with Erika and UMK. She lost. Fair and square and Aksel won, also fair and square. It’s not Aksel’s fault “Cicciolina” emerged as a fan favourite juggernaught. It’s not Aksel’s fault that those godawful HUMOURLESS (heterosexual, jealous) pharisean juries REJECTED the blinding light of St. Erika’s halo (led by the ESTONIAN jury of all people. Fuck, Estonia were evil this year). He was there, he was adequate, and he reaped the benefits due to White Male Mediocrity. I blame not him but those who enabled it to happen. I’d say DIE ESTONIA but they’ve already died in this ranking, in last place where they belong. Anyway, I don’t dislike Aksel or his song. I just wish “Looking back” had more to offer than it being “just a pop ballad”. 🙄

Finland 2020 vs Finland 2021

Aksel would’ve almost certainly NQ’d in Rotterdam (and not just because fan opinion had turned against him. I have this *really* sick feeling that lookism would’ve claimed him and that turns my stomach), which of course makes him beating Erika (who may have NQ’d, but had a very good chance to reach the Grand final), an even bigger sore. You know perhaps the cancellation really WAS divine retribution for Cicciolina losing UMK, I guess we’ll never know, huh? 

Anyway, YLE already announced they would go for UMK again in 2021 and made zero mention of Aksel’s future participation, which is... yet another reason why I can’t hate Aksel. He’s being discarded like used toilet paper at every juncture and I so, SO sorry for him. SORRY SOMETIMES I DISCOVER THAT I TOO HAVE A HEART (an angular, plastic fuschia one) AND AM CAPABLE OF SELECTIVE EMPATHY I CANNOT HELP IT, Y’ALL.

but lol @ ranking Finland higher than 35th. You effed big time, pals, consider yourselves lucky ESC2020 never came to pass. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

The potential for a FREAKY!FREAKY!FREAKY! entry was huge, can you fathom the concept of FINLAND KEiiNO’ing a televote? With a polyester hair bitch in a hot pink spandex and two dancers in kodiak costumes? A smash hit fave that racked up millions of views all over Europe? It would’ve been a RIOT, even in an already meme-heavy year as 2020. Hell even the idea of a fucking “BANANAS” winning (it finished second in the jury vote, somehow??? and I mean, I stan that it did but I’m also... fucking confused that it did?) is enough for some freak-friendly labelling. Alas, Finland instead went against what the fandom were expected them to do and went with the safe pick. As eyeroll worthy as it was, Erika losing was a huge blindside for the fandom and the shock is worthy of one senhead. I would hand out more if Erika’s loss/Aksel’s win had bookended the shock winner selection streak that Arilena Ara had started, but Bárbara Tinoco decided otherwise. (although Tinoco losing is entirely self-inflicted on her behalf, but we’ll get to that in a while). Oh well. 

Score: 1 Senhit out of 5. 

[irhinoceri]

Not to be overly critical, but....

I’m about 3 hours into The Stolen Throne, and just got to Rowan’s introduction. First thing she does is punch Maric in the face with an armored gauntlet.

Right. I know she’s his eventual queen (and gets weirdly killed off between novels--since I’ve already listened to The Calling) so this introduction made me pause my audiobook and heave a deep, weary sigh.

First off, I do not understand Gaider’s characterization of Maric. I just don’t. I’m trying to remember back to his portrayal in The Calling and the Until We Sleep comic, and I don’t recall him being a buffoon, but this book is like “Maric is a useless clown who is entirely unprepared to be king” and it’s like the most uncharitable interpretation of Alistair only it makes NO SENSE.

Alistair wasn’t a leader because he was a bastard who was raised with no direction -- no one involved in his upbringing had any real idea that he would be in line for the throne because despite living in a brutal medieval fantasy world, no one expected Cailan to die without an heir. (In the game it’s hinted that Alistair is given the beacon lighting task specifically to keep him away from the battle so that if Cailan fell he would still be alive, but that’s 20 years too late to start planning ahead, of you ask me!)

Anyway, it’s understandable that Alistair isn’t “king material” and has to undergo a character journey (pushed along by your warden and others) in order to grow into someone who will take responsibility. (Shut up Dragon Age Inquisition, I see you trying to retcon that and would like to show you my gauntleted fist). It’s understandable because of his backstory. Raised not to be a king or leader of any kind, actually raised by people who didn’t care about him at all, who even were openly hostile towards him and tried to get rid of him. His joking and self-deprecation and unwillingness to step up and be a leader are all ways to hide insecurity and loneliness and the fact that he has never been loved or respected by anyone. I mean, Fuck Eamon and Isolde Guerrin, and fuck Maric too! Fiona entrusted you with her only son and you fucked up Maric, you fucked up!

Anyway.

Why is Maric an Alistair 2.0? Why the fuck is the son of the Rebel Queen so ill-prepared? I haven’t gotten a satisfactory answer and it’s been 3 hours. Like, I would understand if he were a pampered prince archetype who has been too busy enjoying being rich and privileged to put in the work necessary, that’s a good condemnation of monarchy in general, why someone is deemed fit to rule a nation just because of their parentage, etc. etc.

But let’s consider that his entire life up to this point has been one of exile and war. Yes, the novel makes it clear that he had some privilege because there were always people in Ferelden who support the Rebel Queen and give them a place to live. Much like Daenerys and Viserys Targaryen in Game of Thrones. Unlike the Targaryens, though, Maric still has his mother (father?) and grandfather growing up, and unlike the Targaryens, the Theirins are out of power because they were conquered by an invading empire, they were not deposed in a civil war caused by their own cruelty/madness. So even though Viserys and Daenerys didn’t end up making the greatest leaders (fuck you, GoT, never forgive, never forget) that’s not to say that I think it’s a 1:1 correlation and Maric couldn’t have been raised with his future Kingship in mind.

Anyway, I’m rambling, but I’m just so frustrated with how for 3 hours I’ve just been listening to how useless a king Maric is because he was completely unprepared for his mother to die. She was a great woman, a queen who inspired loyalty and led a rebellion, but she didn’t bother to prepare her son to take her place?? He should have been her second in command at this point! Really now.

If this whole thing was a condemnation of monarchal rule I’d be a little less irritated but I don’t feel like it is, I feel like this is all just a character flaw for Maric to give him an arc. And the problem is that I already witnessed and participated in this arc with Alistair. I was already in Loghain’s shoes playing as the Warden. And you know what, it was Better that way.

Side note, I am starting to realize why I’ve seen people who are pro-Loghain and Anora and hate Alistair/klill him/exile him (or at the very least don’t choose to make him king and have him stay a warden) cite The Stolen Throne as reasons why the Theirin line needs to end. When I played Origins I definitely saw Alistair as needing to rise to the occasion etc. etc. etc. but it’s like.... woof buddy... you really do come from a long line of idiots. I am so sorry.

I did like Maric in The Calling, though. I’m struggling to remember why, but I recall him being depressed and suffering from PTSD so that’s probably a big part of it. The Calling was just Maric and Fiona being sad and doing some sad fucking in the Deep Roads and I was like “Yes, Very Sad People Fucking. My Kink.”

(Joking.. sort of... but broken people finding some solace in one another? Chef’s kiss.)

Oh my god I nearly forgot what I originally meant to rant about.

As irritating as it has been to listen to the Maric and Loghain show, the fact that Rowan fucking decks Maric the instant she shows up in the novel pissed me the fuck off.

This is a guy whos mother was brutally murdered in front of him, has been on the run, got blamed for getting Loghain’s father killed even though Gareth was the one insisting on sacrificing his life for the glory of Fereldan Kings, and had to make a deal with a witch just to survive.... and Rowan’s reaction upon seeing him (knowing that his mother is dead) is to.... punch him?

And I’m supposed to go HUR HUR HUR, here’s a Strong Female Character. That’s right, Loghain, get a hard on for this Strong Female Character who just punched a man who was not threatening her at all, in the face, with a METAL fist because... he’s annoying? He talks too much? He DESERVED to get hit by his future wife because..... reasons!

IDK. I can’t stand Loghain, either. His PoV is very anti-elven and anti-mage (shocker) and I’m wondering when we’re going to get to the part that makes people into Loghain stans.

Anyway, I love Dragon Age.

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: Iron Man 3

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where We Continue Looking At The Marvel Cinematic Universe...

And With Phase One Now Behind Us We Move Now Onto The Start Phase Two, With The First Movie Of Phase 2, Iron Man 3...

This Film Sees Tony Stark Attempting To Deal With The Events That Happened In The Avengers While Also Dealing With Terrorist Attacks From A New Enemy Called The Mandarin, Will Tony Succeed In Stopping This New Threat While Facing His Own Issues?

Lets Find Out As We Watch Iron Man 3...

The Film Starts With An Intro From Tony Stark (Played Again By Robert Downey Jr) Before The Film Actually Begins With A Flashback On New Year's Eve In 1999 In Switzerland, Where Tony Is With A Girl Named Maya Hansen (Played By Rebecca Hall) And Happy (Played By The Person Who Should Have Directed This Movie, Jon Favreau) At A Conference Where Tony Actually Met Yinsen Before They Were Captured By The 10 Rings...

On His Way Up To His Room With Maya And Happy, Tony Meets A Fanboy Named Aldrich Killian (Played By Guy Pearce) Who Attempts To Get Tony To Join His Team At Advanced Idea Mechanics (Otherwise Known In Marvel As A.I.M.) Seemingly Interested, Tony Tells Killian That He'll Meet Him On The Roof In 5 Minutes...

But Being An Asshole Back Then Tony Doesn't Show And Instead Spends His Night With Hansen Only To Ditch Her The Next Day...

But Eventually Growing Out Of His Asshole Phase, We Come To Now As Tony Works On A New Mark 42 Armor...

Mark 42?!? We Were On Mark 7 How The Hell Did We Get To 42?

Well Turns Out That Ever Since The Battle With The Chitauri, Tony Has Been Without Sleep And Has Been Making Suits Like Crazy, Some That Are Just Plain Iron Man Suits And Others That Serve A Certain Purpose (Space Travel, Underwater Capabilities, Heavy Lifting Etc..) And This... Is Just Another Iron Man Suit...

(Start At 0:51, End At 3:04)

The Next Day, A Broadcast From A Terrorist Criminal Known As The Mandarin Goes Over The Airwaves And In Response To This New Threat, President Ellis (Played By The Bad Guy From Die Hard 2) Rebrands Rhodey As The Iron Patriot As The Name War Machine Did Not Test Well With Focus Groups...

War Machine Did Not Test Well With Focus Groups...

What Was The Age Preference For These Groups? Ages 2 To 3 Years Old?

Asking What's Going On With The Mandarin, Rhodey Tells Tony (Despite It Being Classified Information) That There Have Been 9 Bombings Despite The Public Knowing About 8 And There Have Been No Evidence Of Bombs Whatsoever...

Interrupted By Two Kids Asking For An Autograph, Tony Gives It But When One Asks About His Experience With A Black Hole In The Avengers It Causes Tony To Have An Anxiety Attack. Going To His Suit Outside, Tony Leaves...

Meanwhile At Stark Industries, Pepper Potts (Played By The Queen Of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow) Has A Meeting With Aldrich Killian, Who Looks Less Geeky And More Suave And Debonair...

Anyway, Killian Is There To Show Pepper, A.I.M.'S Latest Project Called Extremis Which Hacks Into The Hard Drive Of A Living Organism And Recode It's DNA But With Pepper Believing That Killian's Project Is Dangerous, She Takes A Pass On It To Killian's Displeasure...

Returning To Tony's Mansion, Pepper Finds What She Believes To Be Tony Inside Of His Latest Iron Man Suit, Wanting A Kiss From Tony, Pepper Goes To The Lab To Get A Crowbar Only To Discover That Tony's Not Inside The Suit And That It's Just His Voice Coming From It....

Believing Their Date Night To Be Ruined, Pepper Decides To Go To Bed But Tony Stops Her When He Decides To Tell Her The Truth That Ever Since The Battle With The Chitauri, He's Been A Piping Hot Mess And That He Can't Sleep And The Only Reason He's Not In The Looney Bin Is Because Of Her...

Later That Night In Bed, Tony Has A Nightmare Accidentally Calls The Mark 42 Where It Attacks Pepper. Waking From His Nightmare, Tony Powers Down The Suit But Still Pissed Off Tony's Suit Almost Decapitated Her, Pepper Goes To Sleep On The Couch...

Meanwhile At The Chinese Theatre, Happy Follows Killian's Right Hand Man To There As He Looked Suspicious The Entire Time Killian Was Talking With Pepper And Boy, Was Happy Right, As He Seems To Be Selling Drugs To Someone...

(Start At 0:52, End At 3:10)

The Next Day A New Video From The Mandarin Is Released, As Tony Goes To See Happy In The Hospital Only To Do The Dumbest Thing In The World When Being Interviewed By The Press, He Gives Out His Home Address For The Mandarin To Come Face Him...

How Crazy Do Have To Be To Realize That This Is A Bad Idea?!?

So, Getting All Forms Of Information On The Mandarin From Everywhere And Even Recreating The Crime Scene In Virtual Reality, Tony Manages To Get A Look At The Dog Tags That Were Near Happy After The Explosion...

But He's Interrupted When He Gets A Visit From Maya Hansen...

Passing Out After Surviving That Attack, J.A.R.V.I.S. Eventually Wakes Up Tony When The Suit Reaches 5% Power And They're About To Crash Land In A Small Town In Tennessee, Letting Tony Out Of The Suit As The Power And J.A.R.V.I.S. Goes Out, Tony Drags The Suit Into The Workshop Of A Young Kid Named Harley Keener (Played By One Of The Kids From Jurassic World) Who Tony Recruits To Help Him Get His Suit Back On-Line...

Receiving A Call From Tony To Let Her Know That He's All Right, Pepper Ends Up Going With Maya Hansen, Who Believes That Her Boss, Aldrich Killian, Is Working With The Mandarin, Meanwhile Back In Tennessee, Harley Takes Tony To A Site Where A Former Military Solider Blew Himself Up, Killing 6 People In The Process...

But Tony Doesn't Buy It As There Are Only 5 Shadows On The Wall...

After Another Anxiety Attack When Harley Mentions The Avengers, They Get Back To Buisness By Talking To The Bomber's Mother Who Gives Him A File On Everything Only To Be Confronted By One Of Killian's Goons (And A Hot One At That, Despite The Scar On Her Face) Who Kills A Sheriff When Things Don't Go Her Way...

(Start At 2:52)

But When Killian's Right Hand Man Takes Harley Captive, He Uses A Device That Tony Gave Him Earlier Before Tony Blasts Him With A Handheld Repulsor Meant For One Time Use...

Stealing The Man's Car Keys Off Of Him, Tony Says Goodbye To Harley And Takes Off To Go Stop The Mandarin...

However As That Happens Another Message From The Mandarin Comes On The Screen, Stating That If The President Doesn't Call Him Within The Next Half Minute, He Will Kill The Accountant For The Roxxon Corporation, However, When The President Calls Him, He Shoots The Guy Anyway!....

Pissed Off About This, The President Tells His Vice President To Tell Rhodey To Find This Lunatic Now...

Looking Over The Files In His Car, Tony Realizes That A.I.M. Is Behind This, So, He Contacts Rhodey To Get His A.I.M. Account Name And Password As They Upgraded His Suit. Eventually Getting It, He Goes To A News Truck (Which Is Covering A Miss America Like Pagent Where Stan Lee Is Judging!)...

Stan Lee Cameo!

To Use Their Satellite To Encrypt Some Data Files But Only Problem Is Their Connection Is Slow To Say The Least, But Wouldn't You Know It The Guy Who Is Handling The Van Is A Tony Stark Fanboy...

So, He Speeds Up The Internet By About 40% So Tony Can Get His Files Which Reveal That Extremis Is What Is Causing People To Blow Up...

Pepper Talks With Maya At A Hotel Only For When Hears A Knock On The Door To Be Confronted By Killian Who Kidnaps Pepper As We Discover That Maya Is Actually Working With The Mandarin...

Meanwhile, Half Way Across The World, Rhodey Continues His Search For The Mandarin Only To Get Kidnapped Himself By...The Wicked Witch Of The West From Once Upon A Time...

Contacting Harley Back In Tennessee (Who Is Trying To Get The Suit Back On-Line) He Manages To Get Tony In Contact With J.A.R.V.I.S. Who Is Back On-Line And That After Factoring In A.I.M.'s Headquarters Around The World, Their Location Is In Miami...

That However, Is The Good News...

The Suit Is Charging But It Won't Be Enough Power To Revitalize The Mark 42. Having Another Anxiety Attack Without Harley Even Mentioning The Avengers Or New York, Harley Suggests That Since Tony Is A Mechanic That He Should Just Build Something...

So, Taking Harley's Advice To Heart Tony Does Build Weapons Before Driving To Miami..

Only For Tony And Us To Discover The Biggest F-You Moment Of The Entire Movie...

And That's That The Mandarin Is Not The Mandarin But An Actor Named Trevor Slattery...

What The Hell!?!

THIS HAS TO BE THE WORST TWIST IN A MARVEL MOVIE EVER!!!!

Why Did They Do This!?! Why Did They Think That We Would Be Shocked By This Huge Middle Finger Pointed At Us?

The Mandarin Is Supposed To Be A Genius Scientist And A Superhuman Martial Artist Whose Sources Of Power Come From Ten Rings That Adapted From Alien Technology From A Crashed Spaceship While Here You've Made Him An Actor Who Only Took The Job To Support His Drug Usage...

Screw You, Marvel, Screw You For Screwing Up A Good Character...

Knocked Out By Killian's Right Hand Guy, Tony Wakes Up Only To Be Confronted By Maya Who Asks Him To Help Her Fix Extremis, But Saying Go To Hell, Tony Is Then Confronted By Aldrich Who Tell Him Why He's Doing This Which Is Basically The Same Reason Syndrome Became A Villain In The Incredibles...

Yes, Everyone, Shane Black Is Stealing From Brad Bird's Closet...

Wanting To Repay Tony By Making Him As Desperate As He Was Killian Shows Tony That He Is Injecting Extremis Into Pepper, Not Liking This Maya Turns On Killian And Tells Him To Let Tony Go Or Else She'll Kill Herself By Injecting Extremis Into Her But Instead, Killian Decides To Leave Out The Middle Man And Just Shoot Her...

With Tony Calling Killian A Maniac, Killian Exits So He Can Attempt To Get Rhodey Out Of His Iron Patriot Armor By Burning Through It, Eventually Getting Rhodey Out, Killian's Right Hand Guy Knocks Him Out...

Guarded By 2 Guards, An Alarm Goes Off On Tony's Dora The Explorer Watch Which Gives Him The Go Ahead To Call The Mark 42 From Harley's In Tennessee...

With Pieces Of The Suit Coming One At A Time, Tony Takes Out The Guards. Going Outside, Tony Sees Killian Take Off In An Army Helicopter While His Second In Command Commanders The Iron Patriot Suit...

With Rhodey Coming To, He Takes Out Some Guards Before Contacting Tony Who Introduces Him To Trevor, Who Doesn't Tell Them Much About Killian's Plan Except That It's Happening On A Big Boat Off The Coast And It May Involve The Vice President...

Contacting The Vice President, He Tells Tony That He's Surrounded By Secret Service And He Doubts Anyone Will Attack And With The President Safe On Air Force One With Rhodey On-Board He Honestly Has Nothing To Say To Tony But When Rhodey Gets On The Phone Explaining Everything To The Vice President, He Tells Them That He'll Lock It Down And If Need Be, Have F-22's On Stand By...

However, It's Somewhat Implied By The Vice President's Crippled Daughter That He's Working With Killian...

With The President And "Iron Patriot" On-Board Air Force One, With The Plane Taking Off, Killian's Right Hand Man Locks 2 Security Guards In The Bathroom Before Taking Out The Security Guards That Are Guarding The President...

Placing The President Inside Of The Iron Patriot Suit, Killian's Right Hand Guy Is Preparing To Jump Ship, However, Tony May Have Something To Say About That....

(Start At 0:36, End At 3:56)

Tony Activates The House Party Protocol, While The President Arrives In The Iron Patriot On Killian's Ship, Asking What Killian Wants, He Tells The President Nothing Only Stating That With His Death The Vice President Will Have His Job...

Sneaking On-Board Killian's Freighter With Rhodey, They See The President Inside Of The Iron Patriot Suit Strung Up Like Jesus To The Cross, Only To Be Spotted By Killian's Men And Women Who Serve Him Who Start Shooting At Them...

(Start At 0:59)

With Pepper Alive, She Finishes Off Killian By Blowing Him Up Again...

What The Hell, If You Don't Succeed Killing A Guy With Explosions Once Then Try Try Again...

Understanding Now Why Tony Doesn't Want To Give Up Being Iron Man, Tony Promises Pepper To Find A Cure For Extremis By Limiting His Job As Iron Man Ten Fold By Activating The Clean Slate Protocol, Destroying All Of His Suits...

You Know, When I Saw This In Theatres I Thought This Was The End Of Iron Man, Tony's Suits Are Destroyed, His Arc Reactor Is Taken Out And Some Guy Who Yinsen Knew Takes Out The Remaining Shrapnel That Was In His Heart So There's No Way To Power His Suits So The Question Remained And Still Remains, How Could Tony Be Iron Man Without The Arc Reactor?

But Aside From That Lingering Question, The Vice President And Trevor Slattery Are Arrested, Tony And Pepper Spend Christmas In Some Continent, It Looks Like Happy Will Survive To See Spider Man Homecoming And Harley Gets A Laboratory Upgrade From Tony As A Thank You While Tony Tosses His Arc Reactor Into The Ocean As It's It Appears That He's Leaving Iron Man In The Past (Despite Us Knowing That We'll See Tony Again In Age Of Ultron)

After The Credits Roll We Get An End Credit Scene, Which Shows Us That The Person Tony Has Been Talking To All This Time Was Bruce Banner (Played Again By Mark Ruffalo) Who Fell Asleep While Listening To Tony Talk...

Before I Say What I Thought About The Movie I Think I Should Briefly Mention The Marvel One-Shot Entitled All Hail The King, (SPOILERS) Which Shows What Happened To Trevor Slatttery After The End Of Iron Man 3 As A Documentary Filmmaker Named Jackson Norriss Who Goes To Ask Trevor Some Questions About The Mandarin Incident...

Only For Us To Discover Later That Jackson Actually Is There To Break Trevor Out Of Prison So He Can Meet The Real Mandarin Who Wants Trevor To Pay For Impersonating Him On TV...

And Recently It's Been Revealed That We Will Meet The Real Mandarin In Shang Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings, There's Only One Problem That I Have With This And That's That It's Not Iron Man Who's Going To Be Fighting Him But Shang Chi!

The Mandarin Is Iron Man's Bad Guy Not Shang Chi's And Now That (Again, Spoilers!) Iron Man Is Dead, We Can't, And They Think It's Just Okay To Place Him With Another Superhero?

Well, It's Not, You Had Your Chance At The Mandarin And You Blew It, So Move On To Another Supervillain That Doesn't Belong To Another Superhero! Because I'll Tell You When This Film Comes Out I Have No Intention Of Seeing It Unless They Somehow Resurrect Tony For This One Movie Or Have Someone That Is Connected With Tony In Someway (Like Rhodey) In It To Make Up For The Mistakes In This Movie!

But Enough Of This Rant And Onto What I Thought About This Movie...

It's Okay, The Action Scenes Are Good And Robert Downey Jr. Is Good As Tony As Always But The Rest Of The Film Is A Jumbled Mess, From The Story To The Villain This Movie Is Horrible Everyone Says That The Problem With The First 2 Iron Man Movies Is That The Villain Is Just A Guy In Another Iron Man Suit, Well, No Offense I Would Rather Have A Guy In An Iron Man Suit As A Bad Guy Than Getting What We Got Here...

Also I'm A Little Upset That They Kinda Killed The Best Character Of These Iron Man Movies....DUM-E!!!! NO!!!!!! But Of Course I Kid, As We See Tony With DUM-E's Remains At The End Of The Movie, Either Way, This Movie Is One Hot Mess And I Say Skip It And Just Wait Until Age Of Ultron To Get Your Iron Man Fix...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[coldasyou]

Hello and welcome to my thoughts ™ on the new episode of the good doctor! I know you are all DYING to hear them so let’s go.

We love an opening that references season 1 episodes! (Added to my gif list)

Is lea implying her family was poor ugh icon

Poor Shaun he deserves better

Claire and Shaun aren’t together I really can never win

I’m screaming grey’s anatomy really took all the good paitent storylines rip

MORGAN NO ASKING QUESTIONS TO THE PAITENTS SHAUN GOT TRANSFERED FOR THAT SHIT!

Killed someone this show has lost it

Ugh skip

They’re really just throwing out brain scans as if those doesn’t cost thousands of dollars paitents can’t afford that

The scalpel is back THE LEVELS the show said if we’re going back to season 1 storylines we’re doing it all…does this mean Shaun and Claire can act like they did in season 1 and actually talk?

CARLYYYYYYY fucking finally this really is a season one throwback and we get a last name

She is so sweet

And she is talking to Shaun can Claire come hang out too

Me too Shaun me too

Ugh this is why I’m a humanities person

IM SCREAMING leave Claire the fuck alone

Morgan was so quick to be like “SO YOU HATE EVERYONE WHO BELIEVES IN GOD HMMM” breznik feelings canceled until they have a cute glance again

I’m already annoyed with this plotline

Claire is talking to ******** more than she talked to Shaun last episode shaire stans remain the MOST oppressed

WHY DOES EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW HAVE CANCER???

Can I call Claire an atheist icon now? If they make her change her beliefs I’m gonna be annoyed lmao. I think there can be some middle ground here y’all

I relate to all this Catholic Guilt ™ tho

Park needs to stop acting like he gives a shit lmao

Park stop fucking stirring the pot since when did YOU care

Ugh it’s hard only stanning four ppl on this show

Can someone PLS just threaten to sue Han or leak this to the press lmao problem solved you’re welcome

How iconic would it be if lim was just like “I’m autistic. Are you going to transfer me too?”…LISTEN SHE IS AUTISTIC

I was right Claire looks beautiful

How can you afford all these surgeries I’m yelling

Who is being poisoned with cyanide I’m screaming can we pls have a show abt pathology and Carly and not these boring ass plots we’ve been getting

NEXT TIME I love one (1) man

CLAIRE YESSS FIGHT FOR YOUR HUSBAND

She deserves better I’m tired of everyone talking down to her

SHE IS A LOYAL FRIEND AND ALSO GIRLFRIEND AND ALSO WIFE

I’m screaming can we pls have her go talk to Shaun abt all this and promise she’ll fight for him or is that to much to ask

The ableism is jumping out

IM SCREAMING DID YALL JUST COMPARE AUTISM TO THE FLU???

Han is why men don’t have rights

Claire is the queen of being right while everyone else is dumb af

Oh this lady damn everyone is coming back this episode!

Glassman she’s dating someone why are you so Dense

Is this gonna be like a Brennan from bones situation where everyone keeps pushing religion on Claire when she doesn’t want it I’m already tired

And another thing she just thinks he shouldn’t suffer for god she never said she didn’t think he should believe

But enjoy projecting your shit on her Morgan!

Lim is the only bitch in this house I respect

Honestly probably not bc Claire isn’t allowed to have anything either!

So we got Shaun talking abt Claire but in this way WHYYYYY

just let them be happy together I hate this

Clarie’s hair looks amazing

Claire is a hockey fan…the gay jumped out

What is Shaun doing I stan it tho

Oh NOW glassman will talk to him

Well I mean Shaun has been right abt like 90 other cases

Glassy you’re so fucking annoying remember when you were all abt helping Shaun lmao

HE HAS STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF AND THEN HE GETS IN TROUBLE YALL ARE TESTING ME

Shaun is so honest ixhxjsuswhhaa

Oh the loophole Jessica taught him well

Shaun that’s like…probably illegal but that’s okay

I wonder when the whole quarantine issue is gonna go down

Shaun yess now bring out those illustrations

Han is just gonna steal his idea pretends to be shocked

God these episodes kinda drag when you aren’t live-blogging and reading jokes

I know they’re married irl but she looks so young compared to him

Yeah lady he always pushes ppl away get used to it

Anyone else feel glassman has become intolerable this season?

Claire is so smart queen of religious studies

Okay this show isn’t going the route of Claire being converted or singled out as a bitch or bitter…we will proceed cautiously

Morgan is so fucking nosey you are loosing all the goodwill I gave you

Also just say atheist I’m screaming???

Ofc bc everyone who doesn’t believe in god is broken and empty and secretly hates themselves LOVE that for me!

I’m screaming the girl is like Oh Worm

Han is so annoying get a JOB

King of boundaries!

Are y’all gonna start shipping lim and Shaun now bc I’m not ready

Good work I’m still not gonna put u back in surgery tho

He’s so close to crying I’m abt to mcfucking loose it

Freddie is coming for the Emmy

Kinda wanna d*e

HAN JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP IM BEGGING!

Allistics have lost their rights

Wow it’s almost like everyone has weaknesses including you doctor Han and yet you’re still here

Can a show just have a charecter that’s not religious it doesn’t have to be like a THING I’m tired

Oof the cinnamon tography

SCALPEL I’m gonna cry can we get a flashback now?

Steve didn’t die for this

overall Thots: han can choke, needs more shaire, when will lea be allowed to talk to someone who isn’t shaun or glassy, claire deserves better, carly should have her own show, morgan is on the shit list again, park is still irrelevant…6/10 

[leightaylorwrites]

Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Seven- Chapter Ten)

Chapter Seven - Auranos

Sigh… I thought we’d at least get a break from Cleo by heading back to Magnus but I guess that was foolish of me to hope.

No one knew why, but Cleo guessed her sister had fallen in love with someone else.

The gender-neutral “someone” makes me hope for a single lesbian in this story. It’s another foolish hope.

Emilia had never so much as cast a flirtatious glance at any of the men in the palace [...]

LET EMILIA BE GAY 2K18

His parents didn’t approve of smoking inside the house. Aron might be arrogant and confident, but he was still seventeen and had to abide by his parents' rules until his next birthday-unless he wanted to move out ahead of schedule. And Cleo knew without a doubt that he didn’t want that sort of responsibility, financial or otherwise.

I’m sorry when did I leave this YA high fantasy and enter a teen drama on the CW? This entire part is a mess of modern-ness and should have been cut.

Aron: [I’m not sorry for killing him lol I kind of liked it too]

Cleo: How can you sound so calm about this?

Aron: Would you rather I lie and say I have nightmares too? Would that ease your own guilt?

Cleo: I want the truth.

Aron: And that’s what I’ve given you.

I get that Aron is a horrible creepy killer, but he has a point. He IS honest. When the villain makes more sense than your heroine, there’s an issue.

When he smiled, the look was equally menacing and enticing. “I will find you.”

YA authors stop writing scary love interests challenge.

Chapter Eight - Limeros

“Naughty girl.”

She ignored the flush that immediately heated her cheeks.She wasn’t being naughty; she was being inquisitive.

And I’m being disgusted. So not only does Magnus have the hots for his adoptive sister, Lucia blushes when he calls her “naughty.” Clace are BOTH unemployed.

“Cleiona’s also the name of the youngest Auranian princess,” Magnus mused. “Never really thought about it before. Same age as you are, right? Nearly to the day?”

I have… questions. First, how does he know Cleo’s exact birthday? Two, it’s likely going to come into play later that they are at most a few days apart but how does that work with Lucia? How does Magnus know her day of birth? We find out later Sabina (the lady from the prologue) brought Lucia to the palace as an infant but it wasn’t the day she was born so how would Sabina know her birthday? Even if she had a vision on the baby’s day of birth or something like that, how did Lucia survive without being breastfed? I need answers.

Magnus: One of grace and beauty, my sister, with a multitude of suitors at her beck and call. Forced to be siblings with a scarred monster like me.

Lucia: As if that scar makes you a monster. You can’t be blind to how girls look at you-I even see maids here in the castle wistfully watch you pass, even if you never notice them. They all think you’re devastatingly handsome. And your scar only makes you more… intriguing.

If you think plain hetero splooging is bad, just wait until you see plain hetero incest splooging!

“[Tomas] was cut down as a spoiled lord tried to show off in front of a princess - Princess Cleiona [...] The two watched Tomas Agallon’s young life bleed from him in front of his own family.They didn’t feel sorry for the pain they caused that family and all Paelsia.”

I mean… it’s true. Too bad the evil king is saying this and therefore the reader is supposed to disagree with him and know that Cleo the Super Special White Girl can’t do anything wrong ever but still. He’s right.

The words were acid on his tongue as jealousy flashed through him like a bolt of lightning. “But [Lucia] isn’t interested in walks around the palace grounds. Not with, well… not with you.”

The boy’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

Magnus forced a tense look on his face as if he’d said too much and now felt guilty. “It’s really none of my business.”

[...]

“It’s just that she’s mentioned you to me [...] And she made it clear that if you ever stopped by, you should not be encouraged any further. She means no offense, of course. But… her interests in a potential suitor lie elsewhere.”

In case incest splooging wasn’t enough to make me hate this character, he’s entered Rowboat’s, well, boat. Territorial pricks are not cute @ YA authors.

Magnus had no patience for anyone who would be manipulated so easily. If the boy was truly interested in Lucia, he should be able to stand up to any adversity, including an overprotective older brother.

But you literally just told this kid Lucia SAID she doesn’t want him. If he’s taking your word as truth, that’s not him being manipulated, it’s him believing you because why would a prince lie to him about this? He’s not doing anything wrong by respecting what he believes are Lucia’s wishes??? He has more respect for her than you do?? Why do people like Magnus??

“I wouldn’t hesitate to say you were lying.” He took her arm in his and squeezed it until she flinched. A flicker of fear went through her pale eyes. “Who do you think the king would believe? His son and heir? Or a kitchen maid?”

Amia swallowed hard. “I apologize, my prince. I would never say such a thing.”

“Smart girl.”

So… Magnus is literally physically abusing and threatening his casual hookup and people stan??

There was no Limerian law that stated that pure royal blood was necessary for the position. Even the son of a whore could become king.

Magnus is being all emo over the fact that Tobias could be king someday, a problem which is easily solved by Magnus killing Tobias. This doesn’t happen, but I think I’ve found the problem with all these series that try so hard to be the YA version of Game of Thrones/ASOIAF: nobody has the balls to write how these conflicts would actually play out in a real political setting. YA does have to be toned down in comparison to adult fiction but when you tone things down so much that they make no sense, it doesn’t work at all.

Blood sacrifice? How deeply savage.

Can’t tell if I’m tired of the word savage being used in this book (it’s used at least 20 times in reference to Paelsia) or if I’m tired of it in general (thanks stan twitter).

The king swiftly moved behind the boy, pulled his head back, and slashed the blade across his throat. Tobias’s eyes went wide and his hands came up automatically to his neck. Blood squirted out from between his fingers. He collapsed to the ground.

I’m DONE. We got half a page about Tobias being a threat to the throne for Magnus and instead of seeing them battle it out, or Tobias team up with an enemy later on, or anything that might give some payoff to the fact that Magnus has a secret half-brother, he’s sacrificed a few pages after his main introduction. Do you see what I mean now about YA fantasy writers holding back?

Chapter Nine - Auranos

I DON’T CARE, WHERE IS JONAS

“It’s unfortunate about Princess Emilia, though. So, so sad she isn’t well enough to attend.”

We get it. She’s dying. You’ve reminded us like four times already.

[...] Emilia’s most recently finished painting, a study of the night sky.

Subtle foreshadowing isn’t subtle enough for me.

That [her marriage] was solely a political choice sounded so cold, so analytical.

Does Cleo… not know what politics are? Does she not understand that royal arranged marriages happen all the time? Does she not realize she’s a princess? Why is she so dumb??

“You do know [Nic] is madly in love with you, right?”

Dammit. We came so close to having that platonic relationship but we can’t have a young man in this series not want to splooge over Cleo. It’s the first book and Cleo already has three love interests for this series. Alien Trashryver is worried.

Emilia: “I fell in love with someone else [...] I’ve never felt such love as I felt for him.”

DOUBLE DAMMIT.

Despite being named for the goddess, Cleo wasn’t invested in religion [.]

Isn’t being named after a religious deity frowned upon? I know in some religions you can be named after a minor figure - such as Christians with the archangels. But you can’t name your child God. Cleo being named after the primary person in the religion seems wrong.

But how else would we know she’s a Super Special Magical White Girl if she didn’t have a name far beyond what she deserves?

Her sister had been in love with a guard who’d died two months ago. “It was Theon’s father, wasn’t it?”

Isn’t he like… old??

Her sister had been in love with the king’s bodyguard who’d been thrown from his horse to his death. A tragedy.

That is verbatim from the book and I can’t stop laughing. This bitch said “a tragedy,” I’m CRYING.

Emilia was always the rock - comforting Cleo when she was upset over [some petty stuff] or the loss of her innocence to Aron.

“You’re the same as you were yesterday and the day before,” she’d soothed. “Nothing has changed. Not really. Forget what troubles you. Regret nothing, but learn from any mistakes you make. Tomorrow will be a brighter day, I promise.”

If you think things are cool because HEY we’ve got a YA heroine who isn’t a virgin, we later find out Cleo was drunk when this happened and therefore is an assault victim. The book never acknowledges the later, but instead has Emilia tell Cleo to learn from her mistakes and that nothing has changed. Feminist YA at its peak, y’all.

“You can’t. You’re to be the queen one day. If you die, that means it’ll be me. Trust me, Emilia, that would be a very bad thing. I would make a terrible queen.”

I mean, yeah I agree that Cleo would be a shitty queen but I’m more annoyed at how these five sentences are written.

Emilia: “There’s no one out there spying on us through the eyes of birds, hoping for clues of where to find the Kindred.”

Cleo: “I’ve never believed in such nonsense.”

Btw, Cleo said earlier she thought the birds were watching her. Consistency is hard, I guess.

[Theon] shook his head. “I knew my father cared about someone, but he wouldn’t say who it was. I figured he was involved with a married woman. Now I know.”

So Cleo’s boyfriend is her sister’s dead husband’s son… Cleo’s love interest is her nephew. He’s her step-nephew, but her nephew nonetheless.

Chapter Ten - Limeros (this time with the bird dude)

[...] to see his bird friend, Phaedra, perched on the branch next to him.

Now, I could give this book points if the whole point was that the western world was meant to be Greece, while Mystica is a mix of Italy and Spain. But the existence of Paelsia with its North African/Asian/Roman setting messes it all up.

All [Lucia] would see when she looked at him was a golden hawk. For some reason, this realization pained him.

So we can’t have lgbt+ romances or poc romances but Cleo the Super Special Magical White Girl can get three+ love interests and Lucia can get two love interests - her adoptive brother and a dude who can turn into a bird. White authors, man. White authors…

One thing I do like about this Ioannes dude is that his chapters are short, leaving little room for bullshit. However, they make me go back to Magnus and Cleo sooner than I want.

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Shadowhunters Season 2 Episode 19 Hail and Farewell Review

Time for another Shadowhunters review. I’m finally getting caught up, guys. This is exciting. Never again will I allow myself to fall this far behind on these reviews. This time we have Shadowhunters Season 2 Episode 19, Hail and Farewell. As with most of these episodes, plenty of enjoyment to be had but it does have its shortcomings.

This is going to be an honest review of my thoughts and feelings regarding this episode. If you’re the kind of Shadowhunters fan where you only want to hear positive things about the show, this is not the place for you. If you decide to stick around and get offended by what is said, then that’s on you. I warned you. Just know that if you send me any rude comments or messages, I will 100% ignore you. I find that’s the best way to deal with bullies. I work 14 hour days. Do you really think I want to waste my incredibly valuable free time dealing with derogatory comments? Hell no. This review will consist of my honest opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong. I’m not telling you how to think and feel. I’m telling you what I think and feel. So please, let’s discuss with dignity and respect. If I’m critical about the show, it’s only because I want it to get better. There is, in fact, a difference between hating a show and being critical of it. I do not hate Shadowhunters; I am being critical and analyzing the flaws as I would with any other show. There are positives but there are also negatives. It’s great if you want to promote positivity with this show (and I encourage you to do so) but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t acknowledge the things that are legitimately wrong with it. Also, keep in mind that despite the fact that I do love the books, me being critical of this show has nothing to do with my love of the books. I don’t really care if the show deviates from the source material as long as it’s good and it makes sense. My problems with this show are problems that I would have with any show or book for that matter. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to take issue with a show that has plot holes, shoddy world-building and inconsistent characters. There will be spoilers for the books and movies.

There was plenty of enjoyment to be found in this episode but I found a lot of shortcomings that were incredibly hard to ignore. But that’s the thing with this show, isn’t it? They have really nice moments but the show’s bad moments have a tendency to overshadow those. Just in general though, the dialogue felt very clunky. They were spoonfeeding us a lot and once again, I hate it when the show does that. Again, they’re looking at us like they think we’re dumb and that we can’t figure out what’s going on unless they actually say it three times over. I’m also looking back at Season 2 in general and have come to the realization, there really was absolutely no point to 2A. Pretty much all of the plots from 2A have been completely dropped. That makes me feel a little weird. Sure, Freeform has broken a 20 episode season in half, but 2B should still connect to 2A. Everything that happened in 2A should have been fueling things in 2B. But when I look at both of these half seasons, they feel extremely stand alone. But anyways, that was just a realization I had while watching this episode so I figured I’d mention it here. Hopefully Season 3 does a better job with the 20 episode season’s storytelling. I feel like what the showrunners were trying to do was close out a lot of the weird plot points that the season one writers were going for. I think that’s primarily why Season 2 has such a clunky feel to it.

Malec Funk

Let’s dive right into this business, shall we? So Malec had me really confused in this episode. Primarily Magnus. Initially in the previous episode, I liked how the Malec break-up was handled. I liked that Magnus’ reasoning for breaking up with Alec was less about him being hurt over what Alec did and more to do with him needing it to end so his mind would be clear to do the best thing for his people. Although, I don’t think siding with the Seelie Queen is necessarily what’s best for his people. He and his people have essentially lost all of their freedom. It also kind of feels like Magnus made this decision without talking to his people first. So you’re making a decision for a group of people that’s going to result in them losing all independent agency and you don’t even ask them if they think it’s a good idea? You just call a meeting and are all, “This is what I did, guys. Hope you’re cool with it but even if you aren’t, you don’t really have a choice.” It feels like they have no choice in this matter. That they have no choice but to follow Magnus into this very questionable decision. That they’re not independent people. Which is strange because of all of the downworlders, warlocks are the most independent. They don’t travel in packs or clans. They very much dance to the beat of their own drum. It just seems weird to me that Magnus makes this decision to take away their rights and they didn’t seem to even know until just now. But yeah, I was talking about the breakup. I liked how it was handled. Magnus saying that he still loves Alec but he can’t do what’s best for his people if he has to think about what’s best for Alec as well was really nice. But in this episode, that development was completely dropped. When Alec is talking to the Seelie Queen, Magnus is full on rolling his eyes and just making facial expressions that are incredibly rude and uncalled for; particularly to someone who in the previous episode you admitted you still loved. Then he has this plan to spring up wards along the city lines to keep Valentine from escaping. Which okay. That would’ve been fine if it weren’t also for the fact that apparently if a shadowhunter crosses these wards, the wards will incinerate them. And Magnus doesn’t warn Alec at all about this. Luke is the one who warns them. If Alec hadn’t known and tried to cross the city lines for any reasons, he would’ve died. Magnus would’ve caused Alec’s death. While I can understand Magnus’ anger and I can even let him get away with publicly humiliating Alec in front of the Seelie Queen and chalk it up to hurt feelings, I cannot defend Magnus in this. There is a very big difference between being angry with your ex about a break-up and not caring if they live or die. I can only hope there’s some sort of logical explanation for this in the finale. Maybe he’s under some sort of spell or he’s trying to prove to the Seelie Queen that he’s loyal but he’s actually going to double cross her later.

I’m really hoping there’s a hidden meaning behind all of this. If there isn’t and everything that Magnus is doing should be taken at face value, I’m definitely going to have to re-evaluate how I feel about Magnus and Malec as a couple. I also think it’s hilarious that I get bashed as an Alec sympathizer for defending him as a 20 something, newly out of the closet, in his first relationship – so he’s not going to be perfect at a relationship and do all of the right things, he’s still learning. But with Magnus’ behavior in this episode, we have the Magnus stans being all, “He’s human. He’s allowed to make mistakes”. 

Hmm. Pot? Have you met kettle? 

I’ve also come to this realization about what bugs me so much about Malec fights in this show. It’s not that they’re fighting. I actually like the conflicts that do pop up in their relationship. What I don’t like is how the show handles them. They turn it into something so overdramatic. The way these characters react to these conflicts and how they do or don’t get resolved feels extremely forced and not organic. It doesn’t feel like this is how real people would deal with these issues in these situations. 

The Obligatory Clace Scene

We got some Clace development in this episode. I’m sure everyone knows the scene I’m talking about. And first impressions about it? It was extremely overdramatic, awkward, and uncomfortable. I know that there are die hard fans that absolutely love that scene but I watched it and I felt so uncomfortable while watching it that I laughed at it. That’s what I do when I feel uncomfortable. I laugh. Please, Show Clace fans, don’t hate me. I don’t actually hate Show Clace. I have more of an apathy towards them. They do make me feel things sometimes. Here’s the thing. Dom and Kat have this very nice soft, breezy chemistry about them that works really well when they’re just chilling and hanging out and they’re slowly developing as a couple. They feel really real when they’re in those small little moments. However, the instant the show attempts to up the epicness and sexiness of their relationship, that’s when they falter as a couple. The show keeps on getting impatient with them. They want this big, bold, epic Clace relationship but Dom and Kat (in my opinion) don’t have an “epic” kind of chemistry. And that’s part of the reason why these big Clace moments fall a little flat. I’m not saying they’re not an epic couple, they could become epic if the show would just gradually develop the relationship instead of taking short cuts.  Even chemistry aside, this scene was ridiculously over the top. While I was watching it, it felt like the show was trying too hard. I get what the show was trying to get at. I do. They were trying to capitalize on the angelic connection with Clace. This scene could actually have been very nice and very impactful and it could’ve made me feel genuine emotion if it was produced a little differently. We didn’t really need a 360 camera spin on them, we didn’t need pop music swelling in the background, the gratuitous nakedness wasn’t really necessary. It could’ve just been them having this moment of a pure connection -- the scene would’ve been all about the actors selling the moment and I’m sure Kat and Dom can do it, maybe a small soft piano score playing in the background – if they needed to have voices swelling in the background, perhaps some low-key humming (kind of like what Doctor Who does with its background music from time to time). The scene we got felt like a typical, generic, YA love scene. The kind of scenes that give YA a bad reputation. And it was uncomfortable as hell for anyone who isn’t a hardcore Show Clace shipper, I’m sure. 

JC vs JC

This episode also marked Jonathon and Jace finding out who is truly the best. I gotta say, I liked the moments leading up to the fight way more than the actual fight itself. I loved that Jonathon is hanging Jace – he clearly has the upper hand – but Jace isn’t going to let him win completely. In Jace’s eyes, he may be about to die but he’s going to make sure he gets the last laugh. It’s’ very Book Jace and I’m always happy to see Book Jace snark come out a little. The show doesn’t do it nearly as much as I would like. I’m a sarcastic person so I’m not going to apologize for wanting Jace to be more actively sarcastic. I don’t necessarily mind Jace looking like he’s about to cry in every scene but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish for more snark from him. And this scene led me to the realization of the best running joke this show has. 

JONATHON: He’s coming back.

JACE: He made you spaghetti too? 

Be it intentional or not, the show has now made spaghetti the best running gag this show has ever done. Every time it’s referenced, I bust out laughing. When spaghetti was first mentioned in this show, it was one of those things that was written in such a ridiculous way that you couldn’t take it seriously. It was begging to be made of. But now, it’s turned into a genuine joke and I love it. Jace is then adding more insult to injury by pointing out that even though Valentine abandoned them both, he did come back for Jace which makes Jace the favored son despite not having any actual blood connection to Valentine. That’s gotta sting to Jonathon. It’s actually something that I always enjoyed about the dynamic of Book Valentine and how he looks at his children. He has no fondness for Clary. To him, all that Clary represents is the reason why Jocelyn left him and he hates Clary for that. Jonathon is the son he always dreamed of. Everything he did to Jonathon, he did out of a desire to make him the best. It was his dream to make the best soldier possible but like most dreams, when you actually achieve them, they can sometimes turn into a double-edged sword. He got what he wanted but in the worst way possible. Jonathon is a great soldier but the demon blood makes him unstable and unpredictable. Jonathon has no real understanding of human emotion which made him unsuitable for Valentine’s needs. Then he worked with Jace in the opposite direction and the exact opposite happened. He also got what he wanted but again in the worst way possible. Jace is a great soldier but his ability to love ran a little too deep and so he was also unsuitable for Valentine’s plans but on the flipside, that aspect of Jace that Valentine couldn’t use is what Valentine loves the most about Jace. It’s truly ironic that out of all three children Valentine is connected to, the one that he truly loves is the one he does not have a blood connection to. I just love the line Jonathon says in this scene, “If you’re trying to goad me into a fight; it’s working.” It’s just really showing just how unhinged Jonathon is getting. And then the actual fight happens and it’s well choreographed. I don’t dispute that. But when you’re toting one character around that can leap up buildings and move just like a demon and the other character can activate runes on his skin, you’re expecting something a little more than just a typical fight scene. 

I did enjoy Izzy entering the fight as she does in the books. She wasn’t nearly as bad-ass as I imagined her to be in that scene, though. Although, this is probably because their fight choreographer most likely doesn’t know how to fight with a whip. It’s probably why they decided to make it so it has the capability to turn into a fighting staff. Now granted, my martial arts training is much more hand-to-hand based. I don’t have a whole lot of training on weapons besides a basic understanding on how to disarm someone. But how I always imagined Izzy fighting with her whip is a much more physical fight than the show seems willing to do with her. The show treats the whip as if it’s just an offensive weapon when they should be treating it as an extension of her body. If you treat it as this offensive weapon only, there’s very little you can actually do with it. When she whips, the whip should grab on to what she wants to hit, shooting the electrum into that being and for a couple of seconds incapacitating her victim. Those couple of seconds gives her the time to move closer to them to place a well placed kick, punch, knee, elbow, whatever. I kind of wish Izzy’s whip fight scenes were more like that. If they’re not going to go all out with the whip, I would prefer they just keep the staff and drop the whip thing altogether. They’re not doing it right. Also, why was she whipping at nothing for a good five seconds? Did I miss something? Did she accomplish something with those moves that I didn’t notice? I hate puprposeless fight sequences. Whereas it was nice to see her go all vengeful towards Jonathon, it didn’t really hit the mark completely. This goes along with what I said in my previous review. Nothing permanently bad happened to Max so initially when you think about this scene, Izzy loses a lot of the impact of her personal vendetta. I get that she wants to avenge the real Sebastian Verlac but it also doesn’t really resonate with you because we never spent any time with the real Sebastian Verlac. In the books, Izzy is in an extremely dark place. Max is dead and she wants revenge, pure and simple. When you read the scene in the book, she is pissed off. She’s not taking no for an answer. She’s decided Jonathon is not going to leave here alive. It was so badass and kind of empowering in a way. I feel like the show was really trying to give Izzy this badass moment but there really wasn’t a whole lot going on with her on an emotional level to really resonate with her audience. She really wasn’t in a dark mindset. I did like that one line she said when Jonathon mentions how they’re fighting unfair, “You didn’t seem to have a problem with that when you attacked my little brother.” It was a really good line and it was delivered flawlessly by Emeraude but still the context of it could’ve been so much stronger if something bad actually had happened to Max. Yes, Max got hurt but then he miraculously got better so it kind of just lessens the blow.

And I’m just saying, “Looks like we both got the same birthday present that year” is a much more badass closing remark than the show’s, “That move…Valentine taught me too”. 

Side Mentions

As I mentioned in my introduction, this episode’s dialogue got a little clunky at times. There was a whole lot of obvious spoon feeding that I didn’t enjoy. We have Clary saying they’re going to make Jonathon pay for what he did to Sebastian when Izzy had already said it in an earlier scene. We didn’t need Clary to tell us again. We had Maia responding with, “Because” when the other werewolves ask her why they should listen to her. I just felt like it downplayed a lot about who she’s supposed to be as a character. She’s supposed to be this strong bad-ass person who’s not going to stand for anything less than the utmost respect and her just meekly saying “Because” instead of owning the situation felt a little off to me. And then Simon explaining to werewolves what a beta is was just plain dumb. I’m sure most of the audience knows what a beta is and it makes no sense for why the werewolves wouldn’t.  I could understand shadowhunters maybe not knowing because I get the feeling they spend a lot of time watching TV but werewolves are probably the closest to mundanes than any of the other downworlders. There’s no reason for them to not get that reference. It was also strange to me that Alec just saw Jace get taken by Jonathon but he’s waltzing in after saving his sister and Clary and he casually remarks, “BTW, Jace got taken, we need to find him.” Can we get a sense of urgency here? They’ve previously been showing that whatever happens to one, the other can somehow feel it. Alec felt it when Jace cut his own hand but he doesn’t feel that Jace is being strangled? The show really needs to establish some world building on their version of the parabatai bond. It’s extremely inconsistent. The rules keep on changing depending on the plot’s narrative at the time and I’m not down with that. There’s no excuse for that kind of inconsistency. It’s just lazy world-building and lazy writing in general. At the end of the episode, we have Maia waking up in the Seelie court and saying, “Someone drugged me.” Was that really necessary to say? I’m sure the audience is smart enough to infer that. There was just a lot of dialogue in this episode that was like that. Very clunky as I said.

I enjoyed Valentine and Jonathon’s interactions in this episode. I loved the power shift we had with their dynamic. Up until this point, Jonathon was the dominant one but as he’s becoming more and more unhinged, Valentine begins taking the power back. It was really interesting watching it happen. And then when Valentine manages to convince Jonathon to let him escape and convinces him that he’ll be back, I was like , “Shit. Valentine’s got the power back.” 

I found myself really enjoying Sarah Hyland as the Seelie Queen. I know, it’s an unpopular opinion. A lot of the fandom seemed to like the little girl. I wasn’t one of them. Actually, it’s not that I didn’t like the little girl. I liked the idea of the Seelie Queen being a little girl. However, the actual girl they got, I’m off and on about. You never really know what you’re going to get when casting children. I mean, this is the beginning of their career and they probably haven’t refined their craft yet at that age. And that is certainly the case with this young address. There are moments when she really gets the atmosphere of the Seelie Queen and she sells it perfectly but there are also other moments when I’m watching someone trying to be the Seelie Queen. Sarah Hyland gives a much more consistent performance and I really enjoyed the playful atmosphere she created. 

I liked the beginning of the episode when Luke and Raphael are with Magnus and Magnus tells them they should probably have a drink. I love the look Luke and Raphael share and they put the drinks down. Then Luke tells Magnus that just because he’s afraid to face Alec sober doesn’t mean that they should all be going into this drunk. I liked that line. It merited a little chuckle. But then for whatever reason, Magnus gets hurt about that comment and Luke apologizes for it. It really wasn’t all that hurtful. He was just stating what both he and Raphael were thinking and it was the truth. That’s something I don’t get with this show. Whenever someone calls someone out on their bull shit, that person usually ends up apologizing for it. Why is that? Guess what, sometimes you need to be called out on your bull shit. It’s how you know when you’re being an idiot. But Magnus reacted that way and I could tell from that moment forward, Magnus was going to be no fun this episode.

We also met Catarina and that was really nice. She’s pretty much exactly how I imagined her to be. Again, the show was spoon feeding us information on her though. They mentioned her working at a hospital a couple of times which really wasn’t all that necessary. We see her wearing scrubs with her hospital badge on. The audience can infer that she most likely just came in from working a shift at a hospital. Stop talking to me like you think I’m dumb. But she did have Catarina’s attitude and I enjoyed that. I’m interested in seeing more of her.

Rizzy was also brought back in this episode. I still don’t know how I really feel about their relationship. Even though through dialogue they’ve established that they have a connection that goes deeper then the whole addiction thing, I’m still not really content with the relationship. I guess my problems are that it wasn’t really developed. They rushed it and as a result I don’t have any strong feelings towards them as a couple. Yes, they both have nice chemistry with each other but that’s only one half of the equation. To ship a couple, I also want to see a love story unfold and the show really glossed over it. If the show is going to make Rizzy a thing, I’m fine with it, I just want the relationship to be developed. And not just have one scene where Raphael teaches Izzy how to cook and have the show be like, “Yup. That’s a good foundation for these two.” I want a little more than that.

I’d give this episode a B- again. There were a few scenes I enjoyed. But a lot of the things that went wrong with the episode, I had a hard time getting past. I got very frustrated with certain things. I’m a little nervous about this finale because it looks like it’s going to be incorporating a whole lot of different plot points and it’s a known fact that Shadowhunters doesn’t do very well when they have multiple storylines going on at the same time. Nevertheless, since the showrunners have been hyping this finale so much, I’m going to hope for the best. Whether the finale be good or bad, whether it closes out some conflicts or leaves them open, I’m still going to be excited for Season 3. As I said earlier, I feel like the showrunners have been using Season 2, as a whole, to close out a lot of the weird things that went on in Season 1. I feel like that’s been their goal for this entire season. So Season 3, they should have a cleaner slate to work with. I’m really excited to see where we’re going to stand with Season 3 and what the writing’s going to be like for Season 3. Especially since a lot of the controversial issues with the book material is done now.

Man, it feels good to be caught up on these now. I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Just remember to be respectful of everyone’s opinions.