#another mechanism but the same meaning
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SPOILER ALERT
October: I created Rusty Lake AU, where Albert is being resurrected as an adult
After RLU release:
#another mechanism but the same meaning#feeling delight#rusty lake#rusty lake headcanon#rusty lake shitpost#the past within#underground blossom#rusty lake albert#albert vanderboom#Albertâs fan approved#rusty lake discussion#discussion#shitpost#psypac talks#talking to audience#rusty lake untold
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just saw luther and diego getting shipped again and im once again begging the public to consider therapy
to quote a friend: what a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain
#iâm so fucking serious#what is wrong with you#genuinely#donât mean to be rude!!!! but also what is wrong with you#ââtheyâre not biological!!!ââ IT DOES NOT MATTER#THEYVE CALLED THE SAME PEOPLE MOM AND DAD AND BROTHER AND SISTER SINCE BIRTH#THAT IS A PROBLEM#i really donât want to be rude but i genuinely donât understand the inner mechanisms of some peoples brains bro#what about luther and diegoâs BROTHERLY RELATIONSHIP makes you think ââdamnnn⌠what if they kissed thoughââ#smh i did not need another reason to be disappointed in humanity#HARCEST HATER !!!!!!!#laur says stuff#laur rambles#the umbrella academy#tua#umbrella academy#five hargreeves#hargreeves siblings#tua s4#number five#tua season 4#tua five#tua diego#tua luther#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves
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#difficulty names are just examples replace with beginner/normal/hyper/another whatever you want#also i knowww difficulty names dont matter as much as the number/scale the game uses blah blah you know ehat i mean though#anyway i usually start with hard. or whatever the second hardest chart for a particular song is. like unless im really#unfamiliar with the mechanics then im usually safe most games play around the same#i get bored if i play normal/easy i get scared if i play expert. such is life. ill allow myself to fail once at the start#and then adjust my range from there. if im at an arcade playing a game for the first time i usually put like. the extra 20 credit#chunks in there to get a premium/standard start anyway to guarantee my 3 songs. i go light start once i know my range#so i can pick my songs smarter
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Iâm thinking about how the Mechs use energy, because they do things and live and therefore they *must* use energy, thatâs how physics (and biology) work.
I had the idea that they are always absolutely frigid to the touch because they suck in heat from the environment like an endothermic chemical reaction.
#the mechanisms#another crack idea#it would make the most sense for them to be able to run on multiple kinds of energy#and yes i know the actual answer is that they just do. its magic basically. but thats not fun for me.#what is fun is trying to figure this shit out#and if you disagree. thats fine. disregard my musings. but like. idk what to tell you. im autistic.#of course the way i enjoy the media is different than most people#i dont think its surprisjng that the way my autistic ass likes to interact with the mechs is to disect every little bit and try to fill-#holes in ways that make sense in our understanding of the universe and their world#like you could just say that in the universe that the mechs live in physics doesnt work the same and energy isnt needed#which is fucking insane#but you could. my question would then be how the physics does work and trying to figure that out.#i just wanna stick my fingies in the holes in the story like its a crochet blanket and make flex them around#thats whats fun for me. which means that its super frustrating when i pose these questions looking for people to play in thd space with me-#and they just get shut down with answer like âwhatever serves the narrativeâ or âthe mechs are unreliable narratorsâ or âjonny liesâ#tbc unreliable narrators can be very fun. but its not fun when it stops the possibilities or the conversation.#its not fun when âunreliable narratorâ is the end.#i think other people may enjoy the freedom of just doing anything that that gives them (or âwhatever serves the narrativeâ does)#but i dont because im a scientist which means i want to figure things out which means there must be a framework#if anything could happen at any time then you canât make a cohesive story.#and i coukd argue we know thats not the case since ivy predicts stuff based on likelihood#anyway i managed to go down a rabbit hole tangent of why apes and roundworms hybridizing is the most ridiculous âscientificâ answer ive-#seen in scifi. so if youâre interested in that. hmu
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Hi Mia, I know I am an anonymous stranger asking you this so if you'd rather not answer feel free to delete
I wanted to ask, what was it like right after dropping out of college? What did you do afterwards?
It's no problem at all, anon! I've kinda talked about it in my tags from time to time, so it's not something I'm particularly ashamed of. (usually that is)
And, uh.... fair warning, this is gonna get kind of dark and probably a bit depressing. I do occasionally mention my experiences on here in passing, but I tend to not talk about them in depth. So... kind of a CW for talks of past child abuse (I don't go in depth but it's implied) and severe mental health issues.
So, thing is, I was kind of forced to drop out. Though it was still technically my choice. But, at the same time, I don't think I had much of a choice, if that makes sense. As a teen, I hated school, and while I was a what you would call a 'gifted kid', adored by teachers and envied by classmates, I didn't put much effort or passion into my studies. I did finish school with pretty good grades, though. Got into college. It was there when I actually started to enjoy the process of learning and education as a whole. I went from being a pretty good student to quite literally one of the best once I started actually putting in the effort to study instead of just winging it by as I did before that.
But I also started off my independent life when I was in college. It should have been a good thing. And it was a good thing. (You're gonna hear lots of contradicting statements here, and that's something I had to accept). I finally got out of the abusive environment I've spent my entire life in. But, thing is, I learned the hard way that just getting out is not enough to actually get better. Once I was out, finally safe and free to do whatever I want with no danger or restrictions, I paradoxically fell into the darkest mental space I've ever been in. Now that I'm older, I know that it's unfortunately normal for abuse survivors. But I didn't back then. I had no friends because I used to be an anxious, traumatized teenager with undiagnosed autism who had no idea how to socialize, nor did she really want to. And I never got to grow out of that, despite now being an adult, living on my own and making my own choices. Thus, came the consequences of my antisocial lifestyle up until that point. I had no one to talk to. No one to help me out with the groceries, studies, anything really. I was completely and utterly on my own, and before that, I thought that that's the way I want to be.
But I felt lost, lonely, and depressed. It got so bad that I would sometimes spend an entire day stuck in bed, not doing anything, including eating, brushing my teeth or changing clothes. Basically, depression in its clearest. Like I said, I didn't have a support system. I was on my own, and it's kind of my own fault that it got like this. Yes, I was hurt and traumatized, but I was also highly avoidant and distant from everyone, even those who genuinely had good intentions. I still deal with my avoidant attachment style up to this day, because I know it's not healthy.
I had the 'everyone will hurt me, no one will understand me, so I'm safest by myself' mentality. Don't do that. Isolating yourself like that will only make it worse. Had to learn that the hard way.
Long story short, I dropped out. I couldn't handle studying, and I needed help. I wasn't attending my classes, I had no motivation to even make myself food, much less study, and I lost all sense of hope for the future. Was I happy with my choice? No, I was heartbroken over it. I felt like a failure. I still do, honestly. Most people my age have at least one degree, some even more. They have friends and connections they've made in college. Experiences I never got to have, and probably never will, because I am not getting younger. Some have successful careers that I am amazed by. Some married and even had kids. Meanwhile, I'm still stuck figuring myself out, without much to my name. Because I never really got to grow up. It's hard not to feel like I'm missing out. But I try not to think about it.
I went into therapy, I slowly but surely have gotten better. It was a long process. I've stumbled and given up many times. Unpacking all of my trauma and how it effected me into adulthood was debilitating and painful. You have to deal with the fact that you were robbed of the chance to have a normal, happy life, and you can't do anything about it. There was some morbid comfort in thinking that 'there is something wrong with me'. It gave me a sense of control. If it's my fault I felt useless and unmotivated, then I could fix it. Even if I never actually did that. But accepting that all of this misery is actually a consequence of someone else's actions that have hurt you this deeply... it makes you feel helpless and angry. Like there is nothing you can do.
But it does get better. Doesn't get perfect. I still have bad days, and I still feel pretty lost in life, to be honest. I have no idea what I want to do. Nor do I have any plans for the future. But I do want to go to college one day. I love learning and I enjoy challenging my brain with new tasks to try and overcome. I would do that right now, if it wasn't as expensive as it is. I cannot afford higher education. I would risk it and take out a loan if I had confidence that I will be able to get a job and pay it off after getting my degree. But I don't. Because tons of folks with degrees cannot find a job for months on end, and I see how miserable it makes them. And I'd much rather have some stability in my life.
I got a job that I actually find joy in, though I don't think I'll be doing that for the rest of my life. I got a lovely circle of friends that I can rely on. I got a creative hobby there to keep me happy. It's not ideal, but I'm content with my life, and sometimes I'm even happy. I have no idea what the future will bring, but, honestly, I'd much rather focus on today and now.
I guess that's all to say that... dropping out is not always pretty and freeing. Then again, there's a difference between dropping out because you have no further intention to continue your studies, and dropping out due to circumstances out of your control. But it's not the end of the world. You stumble, you fall and you even regress, but you somehow get back up again. You find new things to do and enjoy. Life goes on. And it's still worth living for.
#mia talks#oof like i said this got pretty heavy#i always feel kind of jittery talking about this stuff because i can easily start to feel like i'm throwing a pity party or something lol#also when i say 'i had no friends' i don't mean that everyone was cruel and horrible to me#i actually did have friends#but my avoidant tendencies at that point at time pushed me to self isolate from everyone by my own volition#i had people who probably would have helped me without a second thought#but i was so deep in my self destructive mechanisms that i just didn't see that#that's another harsh truth of surviving abuse#the same defense mechanisms that kept you safe will actively self sabotage you once you're out of that environment#oh the irony
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coming out of my baldurs gate 3 delirium (aka i am working a night shift and can't physically play it. at work.) to say that horikoshi. horikoshi when i GET YOU. you are NOT leaving izuku with no quirk and no arms. i am in your walls
#bnha spoilers#also. more evidence that horikoshi read zero-sum game#like come on the twins thing the izuku losing his quirk thing the losing his arm thing the shiggy getting decay from afo thing#TELL ME THE TRUTH HORIKOSHI. DID YOU READ MY FANFIC.#i'm joking of course. he's just done a really good job of foreshadowing through the series. its a marker of an amazing author#and i know that izuku probably won't lose both his arms and his quirk. i fully expect it to be a happy ending in some way shape or form#this is a sixteen year old boy who sacrificed EVERYTHING. more than he ever had to give#and he had less than a year. LESS THAN A YEAR.#sorry i'm already crying thinking about the scene of him holding shigaraki's hand even though it will decay him........#izuku who knows better than ANYONE what shigaraki's power can do.... reaching out to him. caring more about others than about himself.#he's just. he's so good. he's SO GOOD. he deserves the world#tbh i feel like eri HAS to be involved at this point. she's the deus ex machina in all this#that or overhaul#both of their abilities can at least physically restructure izuku's body#it would actually be a very interesting redemption point for overhaul.......#i mean WHY ELSE RESCUE HIM. and why give him THE SAME FUCKING INJURY#what a powerful thing it would be to have eri give overhaul his arms back#and overhaul learning about goodness and forgiveness from this girl he's done nothing but abuse and torture#and saves izuku........#its about ATONEMENT. its about GROWTH. its about IT NEVER BEING TOO LATE.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE YOU MY HERO ACADEMIA#... ok. i'm normal. its fine.#on another note#i loved the ending to my first bg3 run which i think i finished Tuesday/Wednesday. i cried.#IMMEDIATELY started a durge run where i'm playing a male human bard instead of the female half-wood elf ranger#i was like 'haha. i'll make a character based on hisoka from hxh! i'm gonna be SOOOO evil! >:))#and guess who still isn't good at being big evil. ME. at worst i'm probably chaotic neutral.#its wild i'm already finding SO MANY new scenes i missed on the first playthrough even though i'm making a lot of the same choices#so it still feels super fun and fresh. more so now because i kind of know the characters and the mechanics better#my current playthrough i'm with lae'zel shadowheart and asterion with no intention of switching out
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Might be strange sounding, but the card reveals/banlists always come in 2 different perspectives for me, irrelevant of which banlist I'm playing under; because I write fics, I have to contend with the banlist at times (a majority of the time it's based on the sort of half-tcg, half-ocg Master Duel banlist with Anime Specific Additions.)
So when new cards come out I have to judge them not only by what I can figure out from their effects and traits (combined with what's currently meta, and if there's anything that wants to play the new cards, whilst being mindful of banlist differences), I also have the joy of internally discussing the value of a deck when its in a fictional setting.
I don't think anyone normally thinks about if a deck's theme is strong enough to tie a character to it, let alone if a deck's theme is too strong and tying a character to it is like Akihiko Sanada's obsession with protein in anything that isn't mainline persona (Like the Q games.)
Also makes engines less appealing.
#marwospeaking#Mikan plays Xyz-based Harpies. Manon plays Ashened. and Risa plays Memento trying to pretend its not a fusion deck#are these good decks? maybe only Memento. Do they fit the characters? surprisingly yes#Mikan's kind of like. pretty to look at. but not fun to interact with in any way. Manon wants to set her cell on fire (out of frustration)#and Risa's memory is so spotty she has zero idea who she is besides very basic details like her name (and how to play Memento main deck)#If you asked me to build someone who plays Despia. I could. If you asked me to build someone who plays Snake Eye. I could not.#Primoredial? sure! White Woods? maybe! Raizeol? ...sure. great archetype for engineers/mechanics?#Goblin Biker? Sure! Sky Striker? ehhh maybe? Fiendsmith? No. Yubel? ... only they play themself I'm fairly certain#These aren't really inspiring decks (the current meta ones I mean) in a way you'd really want for a character deck#(Kashtira wasn't either. admittedly)#They're small collections of cards that play half their deck as staples. what the hell kind of character can you build from that??#Before anyone asks. Mimighoul I could absolutely make a character for (in the same vein as Flip Turner). same with poor Tistina#Fiendsmith's theme is obviously strong. Its just one of Those kinds of decks where either everything else is powercrept. or it feels..#.. too small of a deck to do anything interesting with going pure with a few techs for the character#(some characters don't play pure. but when they do; those decks get combined support. Ojama Armed Dragon for example)#(Odd-eyes Performapal Magician and Onomats are the two others I can think of that do this. Yusei's pile does not count)#Another issue is when you have a set victor for a duel. but one character has a deck that's a calibre above what the victor will be using..#.. like Trickstar vs Cyberse Pile (might be multiple calibres). It becomes either not very fun or a very ass-pull looking victory#worse if it's a plot point duel with a lot of weight. even worse when it's too early on for 'oh they've grown as a duellist'#I'm rambling. anyway point is Secret Card Analysis Type: Fic Writer That Writes Duels
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Hi hella! I love love your writing and have done so for years and liked your posts but above all else I am a social media lurker at heart. But I wanted to tell you that following you for so long Iâve seen you go off to college and strike out on your own. Your self reflection and how you move through your life is so inspiring. I feel like your proud distant auntie sometimes cheering you on from afar. Growing up and going through school and into your adulthood is so confusing and frustrating and depressing sometimes but Iâm a bit on the other side now and can tell you youâre doing so well. Absolutely killing it and itâs a privilege to read about. Your openness often has me reflect on my own life! I appreciate you bestie đŤś
reading this was genuinely so emotional BESTIE WHAT THE HELL
#IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE I PROMISE I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST POSITIVE OF WAYS#because it just made me really reflective ig? like so much of my life and so many of my issues surround this huge isolation#either ive been made to feel isolated or ive used isolation as a coping mechanism or even that i romanticised my own capacity for it#but regardless i have a really rigid acceptance that im on my own through life#and as a kid that was terrifying and was probably what got me in my head so much#like staring at the enormity of it all and going 'i am alone. i am a singular vessel whose intricacies are inaccessible to anyone else'#and that is TERRIFYING. and yes while it will always be true to an extent ive realised it doesnt have to be entirely#you can share yourself with others and find love in that and friendships and it's taken me years but this year more than any#i feel like ive finally come out of a very long dark tunnel and no one else around me has any idea that any of this is a big deal to me#bc they never had any idea what i was going through#but like?? at some point or another you guys started tagging along and i overshared a shit ton lmao#and a lot of you have been here for YEARS and like. wtf you're RIGHT ive taken you guys along with me for everything#my sexuality crisis my writing journey getting a new job starting uni going into second year making and losing friendships#testing out romance listening to music watching new shows. like every part of myself that's too small and silly to share irl is something#i tell you guys without a second thought like i started this when i was SEVENTEEN and now im twenty you guys have acc watched me grow#im so emotional over this esp bc lately ive focussed mainly on the DOWNSIDES of me being online in these years#idk i needed this more than you know bestie tysm for sticking by my side and same for the rest of you <3 ily ily ily#ask
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on the one hand I think an interesting direction to take melliwyk getting increasingly stressed and overtaxed and frantic would be for her behavior become increasingly careless and reckless, but the problem is that a part of why she's been Like This is that I don't want any of the Important Things she's trying to figure out to spin out of control
#the stakes are high enough that I'M too stressed about fucking things up to play too much into 'she's cracking under pressure' :')#justin got to play out zhartook struggling to process trauma with a really narratively cool PC-and-DM-controlled Loss Of Control#in the form of tying his first circle of the moon elemental wildshape to an uncontrolled emotional response#for melliwyk there isn't anything really Like That? I guess I could work with the DM to script a longer sleep incident but#that's not really the same-- for one thing zhartook becoming an uncontrolled fire elemental was An Encounter; both solvable and over quickly#for another thing melliwyk sometimes not being able to be awakened for longer stretches of time is a known possibility#(the mechanics behind the premise that if I ever couldn't make a session my character could just be asleep the whole time)#it's not CLEARLY tied to stress and it's not really actionable on my part or the party's#in theory-- or in a scripted show or written story-- it would be a chance for the party to pick up for her#after which she realizes she really doesn't have to put so much on just herself without asking for help#in PRACTICE I feel like it would just be really annoying for everyone lol#I dunno! she's definitely pushed herself more and slept less#but again I as a player don't wanna push 'your wizard isn't long resting' too far either :') not really fair to everyone else...#there's a necronomicon that's probably cursed but the benefits of attuning to it anyway aren't extremely clear?#I MEAN it definitely HAS benefits but they're not anything urgently useful right now#alas I continue not to be creative or intelligent enough to roleplay a chaotic wizard gnome#about me#my OCs#melliwyk
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the first thing I did after completing my assessments was to dig out and set up my old xbox360 which has been gathering dust in the cupboard, and then started playing mvc3. And finally took the time to get used to all of the character's moves and stuff - and also finally started doing the arcade mode, which is very rewarding <3
I would be playing this game again today, but after yesterday and the night before, I can't because my left hand hurts :/
#yes i know there's an update yeah whatever i was a dumb kid when i got the game and didn't really bother to#update the game sorry!#shallow rambles#before anyone asks yes i do intend on maybe getting the ultimate version for another console#a thing about the game that i found out is that each character has like. different levels of health? which is very bizarre to me#you are a fighting game yes but i don't remember health bars being like that. i mean that's a VERY specific design decision#i guess the best way to describe it is that maybe some characters do more attacks than others so to compensate for that they are given#either less health or more health. that said giving jean grey the LOWEST health is really insulting like c'mon she's the host to a cosmic#being! she should have more than that! ugh. man the lack of female characters on the marvel side is SOOO telling.#i get that maybe they didn't include some because their mechanics would be the same to x y z characters#but marvel's catalogue of characters has a DIVERSE range of women with unique powers that they can have in a fighting game#like illyanna or proxima midnight or ms marvel or emma frost there are so many characters to chose from!! But no they choose modok :/#shallow once again complaining about video games that she likes.
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submitted my first app đ
#đ didnât plan to start this early but they said to do it by tonight and now i am worried abt when other companies want their apps in. i#should have asked them#i donât think they all want them in now tho bc one of them told me she doesnât start responding until january which. probably means i can#wait a bit right?? i donât know đ#personal#the engineering chronicles#feeling pretty okay abt how today went actually one employer told me i have a very high gpa and that she thought she read it wrong and#another i was talking to abt how even though theyâre not a primarily medical company they do do medical stuff and i named and spoke abt the#things theyâve worked on and he seemed impressed by that knowledge. so#really worried tho bc. there are hardly any medical places my school has approved to apply to for this and companies that dont do medical#stuff donât want biomedical engineering interns even if everything but my electives is the same as an eeâs coursework. bc weâre not going t#stick around for them to hire post grad. like ppl from these companies are straight up telling me not to bother applying or that they donât#accept apps from ppl in my major etc. which fucking sucks especially since in ADDITION to that the vast vast majority of the companies#that Do have medical stuff going on are mechanical or manufacturing based not electrical. like. what do you expect me to do here#there is one company (the one the guy seemed impressed w me abt) that does electrical and coding stuff and i am really really interested in#them. but as i said the medical stuff is not their main focus and theyâre more an all around place. and they also won employer or the year#or whatever a couple years ago. which means Everyone is going to be applying to this company. ugh
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"TOP 10 REASONS WHY DARK SOULS 2 IS GOOD!"
Number 1: Fast travel from the start.
#same vibes as the papermariowiki post#âTOP 10 SCARY MARIO MOMENTS. NUMBER 1. The Piano from Mario 64â#Laaaazy#Fast travel in DS2 largely is due to the disconnected levels they had to force together with whatever cohesion realistically possible#it's yet another crutch that ensures you don't explore the world but instead look for bonfires#dark souls 2#there's alot of good ideas in DS2. Instant fast travel wasn't what kneecapped exploration to be clear. It's that the exploration was kneeca#ped and fast travel was a bandaid for it#the reason you âlike itâ is because the game fundamentally Was Not Designed around it not existing.#At no point does DS2 feel like one open world. It feels like a bunch of levels duct tape together#Like in general Fast Travel murders possible world design and exploration#It's not a benefit to have it unlocked immedietely imo#it's just a bandaid you shouldn't acknowledge lest the seams rip thread by thread#Actively not praisable and for some it's their go to. Sorry if navigating DS1 was that miserable for you. For me it was magical#So fast travel and disconnected levels feel cheap and not like improvements. I like a linear game with no linearity#DS2 is almost that but due to no wider interconnectivity of the world and it all being level to level#it means you're playing essentially a mario game's level system. Go from 1-1 to 1-2. Instead of Quelaag and valley of drakes#I dunno how else to put this to you other than âFast Travelâ in DS2 is not fundamentally the same to DS1. It being a thing is not a benefit#it simply is a bandaid. I personally see it as a bad one. But it's ignorable enough. Good? Nahhhh#it's basically a give-in they were gonna have to have it. It was hardly a 'decision" to be praised essentially#You praise an interconnected world because it's designed with intention. Ya don't praise seperating levels because that's Default. Standard#It'd be like praising adding a jump button like cmon#it's a simple mechanic not an artistic decision#Which I guess it is but given the fact again they had to use pre-made levels and connect them half-hazardly I'd hardly call it a choice#more a âgive-inâ
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I didn't manage to clear M2S today, but I did get to enrage so that's good progress! It's not nearly as much of a wall I thought it would be, considering how the normal mode went.
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#arcadion#arcadion spoilers#raid log#it helps that i ended up progging with the same 6 or 7 people for 3 lockouts from fresh#it was a very patient group so we all learned a lot#though that also means i got used to one way we handled the spread mechanic and i messed it up in another clear party i was in a few times#oh well#i'll get the clear tomorrow!
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so I have to retake a test. It's a nightmare to prepare for it. I couldn't prepare for it the first time around thanks to my health failing me but the "if you don't comr on this date good luck retaking it bc when will it be again" and I failed obviously. Now I'm trying to prepare for it again, it's tomorrow morning, and I'm looking at the list of DISORGANISED QUESTIONS. Like they are literally shuffled around. Not linear almost at all. And the worst part is we have to literally learn a lot of big fucking formulas. It's not one of the subjects where you can use your written notes. Just simple drilling into your brain and some geometry that my brain refuses to understand (I love geometry but I am hating this particular subject yeah nuance). I hate this shit. I'm majoring in optical electronic engineering but this part of the subject isn't about optics. It's about gear trains and such. All this mechanical stuff I thought I wouldn't have to learn. Well I'm aware optical devices often have moving parts, but we're doing something unrelated to it this semester. Idk it seems out of place, maybe I'll change my opinion but I think it could be included when it's needed and not lay the foundation that gets forgotten and then we return to it. Whoa geometrical parameters of cylindrical gears. Idk maybe we should just have engineers specialising in that that we can collaborate with? Or is one single engineer supposed to engineer everything. If I remember right division of labour drives efficiency, no? Like yeah we should know optics (and electronics) broadly but. Sorry there should be more engineers specialising in miniature mechanical stuff for hybrid mechanical electronic devices. Seems like it's unpopular rn as the profs are almost all old people. Idk we should rightfully hail the specialisation and get more people into it. Bc I think it slows us optics down if we have to learn all this. I'm not saying we shouldn't learn this at all. But the way the gears are cut and how to calculate what parameters we need should be better wrapped.
(I wanted to add a picture of hard to understand formulas and geometry but not anymore)
And then we wonder why the quality of technology declines when the only people taught thi stuff get it taught with a lot of other things that push this out of memory and not people who could be in a super niche profession on one hand but pretty needed on the other hand and actually know their thing. Like a lot of their jobs will consist of organizing this info and passing it down but they will be engineering these mechanical parts in collaboration with people specialising in other areas and everyone gets a normal workload instead of something incomprehensible.
#Ugh idk how it is in other unis or other countries but bmstu really needs to just say. RL5 now can have their own students go wild teach the#Them all the needed mechanical rwlated stuff.#Like we do have mechanics for heavy machines but seems not for small devices. Sad. If they made FN7 have their own students nothing#Is stopping them to doibg the same to RL5. Please if only we get more people interested in that. Like artificially create sth that interest#Fresh high school graduates to go into this field. Bc the niche is lackibg people currently. We need to fix that.#Honestly I'm talking like someone in a bubble. That bubble being bmstu but really it seems its engineers like to collaborate with each othe#Not people from other unis. When it comes to engineering I mean#Not science. Science collabs w other unis are very common.#So if we are bound to stay in this bubble we need to cover more niches ourselves.#I have almost never seen a prof that didn't graduate bmstu but another uni (math is an exception). Maybe our uni doesn't like taking in out#Honestly maybe it's me being mental but something about bmstu is eerie. If it gets a hold of you it's forever. Master's? You stay.#Phd? You also stay for it there. And most likely start teaching.#But the quality of some subjects is declining we need to do sth about tgat
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Tantrums - Lewis Hamilton x Reader
Summary: After 10 years together, Lewis keeps pushing back the date on when âforeverâ can start. Realising that forever applies to her job and not their relationship, she makes it clear that sheâs had enough.Â
Warnings: slight age gap, reader is 32. angst, heavy on the angst.Â
Requested: @madelynn-sienna (sorry it took so long. i didnât think i was gonna do it ngl to you because i donât really write for lewis)
F1 Masterlist
ââââ ŕźťđĽ¸ŕźş ââââ
yn_ln just posted
liked by carmenmmundt, alexandrasaintmleux and others
yn_ln when he feels bad that heâs on the other side of the world for your birthdayÂ
4,444 comments
lewishamilton happy birthday, love. iâm so sorry iâm in australia and not with you but i promise i will make it up to you when iâm home. roscoe promised me heâd spend the day spoiling youÂ
â roscoelovescoco yes iâs didâsÂ
user1 oh to be loved the way yn is loved by lewisÂ
user2 no one makes me feel as single as lewis and yn doÂ
carmenmmundt @/georgerussell63 take notes
â yn_ln you tell him, hun
â georgerussell63 i buy you flowers all the time!Â
f1 weâre sorry that a race fell on your birthday. weâll ask the fia to fix the calendar next year so this doesnât happen again
mercedesamgf1 weâd give him back if we could. happy birthday, yn
georgerussell63 hang on a second. youâve not left us yet. thatâs not the right car
â charles_leclerc thatâs the perfect carÂ
â yn_ln i didnât buy the car. i just jumped behind the wheel
user3 not me hoping sheâd be getting a ring for her birthdayÂ
â user4 weâve been waiting for this for the past 8 birthdays
â user5 itâs been 10 years. we were expecting two rings and a few kids by now
â user6 i mean, he just bought her a sports car. not very kid friendlyÂ
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lewishamilton just posted
liked by francolapinto, sebastianvettel and othersÂ
lewishamilton happy 10 years to the love of my life. every moment with you is an adventure i never want to end
9,448 comments
yn_ln forever with you â¤ď¸ mainly because i canât be bothered to train some new guy to photos that good of me
mercedesamgf1 canât believe itâs been 10 years already. it feels like only yesterday yn was making her paddock debut. hereâs to another 10Â
â user7 not mercedes commenting like theyâre a part of this relationshipÂ
â user8 well heâs been with yn almost as long as heâs been with mercedes so they practically are at this pointÂ
user9 my favourite f1 couple
user10 i love their rich money vibes
roscoelovescoco happyâs anniversaryâs mum andâs dadÂ
â yn_ln my precious boyÂ
â user11 now she needs a real babyÂ
danielriccairdo i canât believe sheâs managed to put up with you for ten years đ huge love to you both
â yn_ln ngl, itâs been tough
â lewishamilton iâm taking the ferrari backÂ
user12 wedding and baby when?Â
georgerussell63 happy 10 year anniversary. yn is my favourite part of you being my teammateÂ
â carmenmmundt can we keep her when you go to ferrari?
â charles_leclerc no. itâs my turn nowÂ
â lewishamilton i think youâre all forgetting that sheâs mineÂ
mercedesamgf1 just posted
liked by georgerussell63, kimi.antonelli and othersÂ
mercedesamgf1 GET IN THERE, LEWIS đđĽ LEWIS HAMILTON IS YOUR BRITISH GRAND PRIX WINNERÂ
23,441 comments
yn_ln my love. i honestly have not stopped crying since you crossed that line. iâm so proud of you. you deserved this and proved to everyone why youâre a motorsport legend
â lewishamilton couldn't do it without your support đŠˇ
â mercedesamgf1 itâs true. the mechanics were uncomfortable when they realised they couldn't just keep giving her tissues
georgerussell63 you deserve it, mate
valterribottas well done champ
user1 canât believe he won silverstone the same weekend he celebrated 10 years with ynÂ
â user2 sheâs always been his good luck charm. he performs so well when sheâs watching
â user3 theyâre the dream team togetherÂ
user4 the fact that yn is the only one he responded to
user5 sheâs getting it good tonight
skysportsf1 posted a new interview
user6 oh no, lewisâŚ
user7 lewis, she was asking what was next for you and yn, relationship wise
user8 oh, thatâs not quite
user9 i hope yn doesnât see this otherwise i fear lewis might be in the doghouse tonightÂ
â user10 i hope she does see it so that she knows heâs not thinking of her future in the same wayÂ
user11 i always thought lewis loved yn as much as yn loved lewis but now iâm not sure
user12 itâs the fact that the poor interviewer looked upset at his answer as well. like she hoped for better
â user13 we all hoped for betterÂ
user14 itâs the fact that sheâs always talked about wanting kids and getting married but has always said theyâre waiting until lewis is ready
â user15 the fact that every year passes and he never indicates that heâs ready for any of it thoughÂ
replies to @/F1Wags
user1 lewis still follows yn
â user2 and still has all of his photos up, including their anniversary postÂ
â user1 iâm hoping this means heâs in denial and is still trying to win her back
user3 i canât believe this is real. she went all the way back and deleted everything related to him in 10 years. even edited posts to delete slides he was in
â user4 dedicated queen
user5 just fell to my knees in walmart
user6 iâm devastated but i also hope this means she finds a man who will be prepared to give her the life she wantsÂ
â user7 well, more fool her for staying this long
â user6 not really. ever think she wanted those things because she wanted them with lewis
â user8 donât break my heart like this please Â
replies to @/WeDon'tThink
user9 okay but your pen was on fire when you wrote thatÂ
user10 he literally had the best weekend of his life with a 10yr anniversary, winning silverstone and then clearly messed it all up somehow in the endÂ
user11 if sir lewis hamilton canât even do right, what hope do the rest of us have in finding a decent man
â user12 no because they looked just as in love as they did 10 years ago and he still fumbled
user13 i saw rumours it was because he gave her an ultimatum and she didnât take the path he wantedÂ
â user14 what do you mean?
â user13 apparently âclose sourcesâ said that he told her if she wanted kids, she couldn't have him and so she leftÂ
â user14 wtf!!! good on her for dumping his ass
ââââ ŕźťđĽ¸ŕźş ââââ
calvinklein and yn_ln just posted
liked by nicorosberg, fernandoalo_official and othersÂ
calvinklein @/yn_ln is stunning in calvin klein underwear. shop the collection nowÂ
5,533 comments
yn_ln oh okay. i look gooooodÂ
â alexandrasaintmleux i would let you take me home
â carmenmmundt me too
â georgerussell63 excuse me, i donât agree with this
user1 aha, nico we see youÂ
â user2 and fernando
landonorris oh so he fumbled badÂ
â oscarpiastri theyâre going to take your social media off you again
user3 is this her version of a revenge dress?
â user4 more like undress
user5 not sure why you wouldnât want to marry and give a baby to a woman like thatÂ
â user6 okay, ew
user7 can we appreciate how sheâs handled this with class. instead of speaking out against lewis, sheâs been booked and busy and flitting about europe on modelling jobsÂ
â user8 just further proof that he managed to lose the best woman everÂ
roscoelovescoco youâs lookâs nice, mum
â user9 i know lewis hires someone to run this account but what are the odds that heâs actually behind it now so he can stalk ynÂ
yn_ln please can we all focus on the clothes and support how hot i look by buying some!Â
â danielricciardo donât even have tits but you convinced me to buy a bra
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lewishamilton just posted
liked by valterribottas, scuderiaferrari and othersÂ
lewishamilton mixed feelings about today. obviously happy for a win but very disappointing for george and the team missing out on a 1-2
7,744 comments
georgerussell63 we put up a good fight today
user1 not really a deserved win though, is it
user2 you fumbled yn and now youâre fumbling wins. you only got this because merc screwed over georgeÂ
roscoelovescoco wellâs doneâs dad
user3 see what happens when you play a good woman, you get a dirty win
user4 man needs to act his age. canât believe at the grand age of 39, he strung along a girl who loved him more than anything for 10 years
â user5 destroyed my faith in men for realÂ
user6 robbed a win from george like you robbed 10 years from ynÂ
(comments on this post have been limited)
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I wrote this out and was really proud of it and then when I was adding the other driverâs versions on, I realised it was the same principal as Danielâs so Iâm so sorry for the repeated plot
Baby Fever Angst Masterlist
requests are open
#formula 1#f1#formula 1 smau#f1 smau#formula 1 social media au#f1 social media au#social media au imagine#formula 1 headcanon#formula 1 one shot#formula 1 fluff#formula 1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 headcanon#f1 drabble#f1 one shot#f1 fluff#f1 x reader#formula one imagine#formula one x reader#formula one fluff#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton imagine#lewis hamilton drabble#lewis hamilton headcanon#lewis hamilton one shot#lewis hamilton fluff#lewis hamilton smau#lewis hamilton x reader#baby fever angst
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⢠I love you, I own you | Tartaglia
warnings: yandere, dub-con, penetration, coming inside, unprotected, undertones of misogyny, toxic parents, manipulation and gaslighting, obsessive, paranoid, and possessive behavior, toxic mindset, coerced submission, getting walked into, bribing, murder, torture, self-doubt and insecurities (mc), arranged marriage, implied financial insecurity, implied virginity (mc & childe), spoilers for tartagliaâs story/lore, unhealthy coping mechanisms, unreliable narration (at times). ask to tag.
pairing: afab! fem! reader (bottom) x childe (top)
word count: 13.3k
a/n: ahhh; hopefully this is good >_< i love him so much⌠after almost a year, âtis done ^_^
part two: here
â 18+
Childe is horrified and incredibly angered, if not down right homicidal, when he finds out your parents planned to have you engaged to a no-name Fatui henchman, itâs only a further blow to his already weakened heart when the news donât come from you nor your family but from the loud mouths of your âsoon to be fiancĂŠâ and his goons. His blue eyes widen and he feels himself grow lightheaded, his stomach feels like itâs turning itself inside out and, oh Celestia, he thinks heâs going to puke.
While perhaps not the most befitting behavior for a Harbinger, Ajax couldnât help but eavesdrop when he had first heard the mention of your name and while heâs extremely glad he did, - heâs silently thanking the Tsaritsa for telling him now so he could do something - he almost wishes he didnât as heâs now forced to go back to his office and wordlessly deal with the intrusive thoughts racing through his head.
All he can think about are the countless pinky promises youâd both made to each other during your childhood, the coos of both of your parents when they had first heard him declare his love for you, the feeling of your hands against his when you kissed his cheek goodbye before the fateful day he stumbled down the abyss, the way you and only you were the sole thing keeping him together during his time there, the way you sobbed in relief when he first approached you after emerging victorious from hell itself; did those moments mean nothing? Had only he been impacted by them? Had you forgotten his love for you - your love for him?
No, he thought as he marched to his desk, thereâs no way - you had to have felt it too, you must have kept those memories deep in your heart as did he. You both were meant to be, childhood sweethearts, one soul in two different bodies, created from the same stars and carved out from the same earth, put into the same world to meet and love each other from your first life to the last. You were his and he was yours, you were one and the same, you were lovers - it was written in the stars and in his very flesh, it was a fact as true as his love for you.
His breathing is ragged and he canât contain his shaking body, he never should have trusted your parents - they obviously didnât have your best interest in mind, if they cared about you at all they would have never promised your hand to another, they wouldâve realized he, Childe, Tartaglia, Ajax, he was the best man for you.
Granted, they hadnât heard from good little Ajax for years, not ever since heâd left for the Fatui - he only ever kept consistent correspondence with you and his family - but thatâs no excuse, there was no excuse for their actions, they were disgusting pests that were blinded by greed. How much money had they taken to accept such a disgusting agreement? 500,000 Mora? No, that was too cheap⌠1,000,000? 2,000,000? More? Maybe it was in the tens of millions, there was no way you were being given away for less, right?
âAhhh,â the ginger sank in his chair, his trembling hands finding his hair and pulling at the soft strands in frustration, âwhat do I do now? What should I do? What should I do? Shit⌠this canât be happening.â
He wanted to cry and destroy everything. Destroy that man, no⌠that poor, pathetic excuse of a man that had dared try and stake his claim on you. This wasnât your fault, there was no way you knew â never once in your letters had you mentioned a lover nor a wedding, you would have told him - would have begged for him to save you - if you did know you must have cried and begged for them to not marry you to that bastard, sobbed as you muttered his - Ajaxâs - name like a mantra, begging to be taken by him and finally wed to the true love of your life.
It felt like the world was falling and crushing him alive.
How could they do this to you? How dare they do this to you? To him, to you, to the both of you.
He could just have the man killed, sent on a suicide mission disguised as an essential step for gnosis hunting - maybe even under the pretense of a promotion, he was sure heâd accept anything, he was a no name soldier that would probably be forgotten by the next round of recruitment -, and make your parents go bankrupt, burn their house and have their businesses fail before delivering the final blow of jailing them due to fraud or maybe even executed under claims of treason; the thoughts calmed his rapid heart, if only slightly.
They needed to be taught a lesson, they shouldnât put their dirty, greedy hands where they didnât belong.
But no, thatâd be too light of a punishment, and there would be so many loose threads - heâd rather be on good terms with your family - if only for you -, could it maybe be a misunderstanding? It could be, right? They were like family to him once, after all, and a part of him hates the idea of them having grown so vile and corrupted, they were supposed to be his in-laws and heâd rather his children have both sets of grandparents. Not to mention, youâd be so sad to see them gone, even if there was a chance they were worth nothing more than dirt.
No, that wouldnât do, his wife couldnât be sad - heâd confront them as soon as physically possible, question their actions and propose a better arrangement, and depending on their answer they would become the Fatuiâs latest show of loyalty to the Tsaritsa or officially join the perfect future heâd dreamed of with you.
Yes, thatâs what heâd do, his shaking heart finally comes to a rest as he begins to plan his trip. If things went south he could easily have his initial plan executed quickly, and while he doesnât particularly like the idea of having to plan their execution arrangements, justice wasnât always pleasant.
Itâd be alright, surely all of this could be resolved through a mature, adult conversation. And if not, then Childe wasnât a Harbinger for naught.
It takes him a few days until heâs able to find the time to meet up with your parents, though, honestly, itâs more like barging into your home unannounced and demanding answers. He has a job - a serious job, after all, one that demands his presence and takes true effort and work, unlike that shitty excuse of meat your parents wanted you to marry - and he had matters to attend to â after all forging evidence for a possible execution isnât easy and he wants to be prepared, it was one of the few times where he wanted to come in with a proper battle plan.
He had it all planned out if things went south, a few reports here, some testimonies there, a lengthy transcript or two, a handful of bank reports, and soon your parents would look like traitors to the crown and be sentenced to public execution.
All he had to do was confront them in person. He wasnât sure if your parents would be home, he hoped so as to not prolong such a troublesome process any longer, but he was willing to wait. He was getting his answers today, one way or another; heâd free you from this horrid arrangement and whisk you away to give you the life you truly deserved.
Luckily for him, you live in the same neighborhood as you always had, so no time had to be wasted searching for your familyâs whereabouts. It had been a long time since heâd had the chance to come back to his childhood neighborhood and he canât help the giddiness in his heart as he strolls through memory lane while making his way down the streets you two shared a childhood in, it looked almost the same - a few differences here and there like a new house or someoneâs place having been renovated, but it felt just like home. His parents had long since moved houses into a fancier side of the city, the money Childe managed to bring home as a Harbinger long since allowing them the luxuries that had once felt impossible, but he almost wishes they hadnât as he spots your familyâs humble abode, his heart longing back to the days of your shared youth.
Itâs a two story house, built with strong wood made to resist Snezhnayaâs harshest winters and the cold summers, the roof was made of strong wood and designed so that snow would fall as to not sink, the front yard still held the swing youâd begged your parents for on your tenth birthday, the mailbox was still slightly crooked from the time he had head-butted it when racing you back from the park, the flowerbed still held the same flowers and plants that were able to withstand Snezhnayaâs harsh weather, the tree somehow still seemed to harbor the countless balls you two had gotten stuck there back when you were in your preteens; it was like it had been frozen in time, the only true difference he could spot was your older figure sitting on the front steps looking as if you were waiting for something, maybe someone; maybe him.
His heart stops as do his steps, heâd been so busy the last couple of years he hadnât been able to pay you a visit in person, heâd had a few soldiers patrol the area before, but nothing could prepare Ajax for the surge of emotions that coursed through his body as he laid eyes on you.
Your body was taller and you had grown into your features, but you were still you - your eyes still shined with the hope and love heâd long since lost while your lips were still as tempting as he remembered. There was no doubt it was you, heâd recognize you anywhere; no matter how much you changed. But you looked sad, your lips downcast, your eyes filled with tears, and your frame hunched over, it was clear you were cold by the shaking of your frame but you didnât falter - still sitting down with a flimsy blanket wrapped around you as you waited.
The scene made him pick up his pace, he was desperate to reach your side; what had happened? Why did you look so sad? Were you hurt? His men had not informed him of anything happening that would explain the crystal like tears that pooled in your eyes, just the sight was enough to have his blood boiling and fists shaking as he wondered who was responsible for the pain you so openly displayed.
Have you found out about Andrei and your parentsâ sins? The thought of them being the reason for your sorrow made him grow dizzy with rage, but the negative feelings can only last so long as he has you in his sights. Your mere presence seemed to lull his emotional heart into a more tranquil state.
â[Y/N]?â Childe asked, he was only a few feet away from you but he didnât dare walk closer, âIs that you?â
âA-Ajax?â Your eyes widened, hope evident in your voice and itâs like all traces of the previous pain in your face had vanished, âOh, Ajax!â
You hesitate for a second before breaking into a smile when you realize it really was him. It almost looks like you want to burst into tears and heâs sure he probably doesnât look any better, seeing you in the flesh after so long felt like a dream and as if every moment without you until now had been but a nightmare, he canât help himself from running towards you and throwing himself into your arms. He looks older, definitely more mature, his is build stronger now - probably due to the fighting and training he endured as a Harbinger, you thought - but his smile was still the same, perhaps a bit empty but it still filled your heart with a warmth that could battle Snezhnayaâs unforgiving cold. It felt right to have him back in your arms as if time had never been cruel and taken him away from you, you could have sweared your worries disappeared the moment you took in his warmth.
His white coat floats through the air as he lands between your arms, and you can feel his smile in your chest as he hugs you tight.
He was finally home, he thought, in your arms and back in the neighborhood that had raised him - he was with you and that was all that mattered, the man was filled with so much ecstasy he could almost forget why heâd come here.
âWhat are you doing here?â You ask him, your voice is shaky and the ginger feels himself melt at the familiar tone of your voice.
âI should be asking you that,â he laughs, his eyebrows becoming furrowed in concern as he speaks, âitâs freezing, darling, you shouldnât be outside.â
âI⌠I was waiting for one of your letters,â you whisper shyly, during your time away from each other - weekly letters had been your primary source of communication, something youâd learn to love and cherish as one of the few forms of contact you and Childe could have without your parents knowing his dangerous job and position.
âYouâre so cute,â he coos, he feels a weight lift off his shoulders as he realizes you were safe, if anything he feels ashamed he hadnât been able to send you anything and caused you such pain, his heart aches as he tries to wrap around his head he may have hurt your feelings, his gloved fingers find your cheek and squeezes it tightly, âhowever, itâs too cold for you to be outside with just a blanket, my love.â
âI know,â you shake your head, you go to lift a hand to wipe the stray tears that had escaped you but Childe takes care of it for you as he delicately caressed your face, âitâs just, I hadnât heard from you in almost two weeks and I got worried, I thought⌠maybe something had happened in Liyue and youâd gotten hurt.â
âO-oh⌠Iâm sorry,â his deep blue eyes look downcast as he processes your words, âI never meant to worry you, I had so much to do and to say that instead of a letter I decided to come meet you in person, i-isnât that better, love? I simply couldnât be away from you any longer, itâs my fault, though, I should have told you so earlier, ahh⌠I canât believe Iâve made my angel cry.â
A poor soldier would have their head cut off tonight, he thought, for he was certain heâd sent a bag full of letters meant to last you at least a full season to be delivered everyday to you while he arranged for this mess to be solved.
You nod as stars fill your eyes before shaking your head as if assuring him you were alright. You loved Ajax and you had loved him for almost all your life, from the moment you met him youâd been charmed by his boyish good looks and charisma, of course a few things had changed, but he was still your sweet Ajax, the boy whoâd stolen your heart and kept it safely within his arms for as long as youâve known him.
âCome on,â you signal him to stand up with a soft pat and the man has to stop himself from begging for more of your touch, âletâs go inside, you must be tired and we have so much to talk about.â He nods and lets himself be pulled up by you as you giggle and smile about finally being able to talk face to face after years of not being able to physically see each other.
You feel like a teenager again as you lead Ajax into your house, your heart beating like you were confessing your love for the first time - the excitement was practically the same, your head felt fuzzy from the warm feeling holding Childeâs hand gave you; you had missed him terribly. You feel like you were about to explode into a million piece from excitement, your head filled with everything youâve ever wanted to say to Ajaxâs face ever since he left, all the news that felt too important to simply write out and that had you hoping a day like this would finally come, youâre scared of coming off too intensely but your heart truly feels like itâll burst from joy, unfortunately your excitement comes to an abrupt end when you finally drag him into your living room. You turn around to offer him a drink or something to eat, the trip from the capital all the way over here was a couple hours long and heâd always had quite an appetite, but youâre faced with a look of disappointment and slight anger as he looks around the room, your heart sinks - just seconds ago he was all smiles and laughter as you two embraced each other in the harsh winter, having created a warm paradise between each other, but now he looked as if he couldnât stand to be in your house and you wonder if maybe youâd angered him somehow even though you logically knew youâd done nothing other than invite him inside.
Maybe you were overreacting, you think, youâd been quite paranoid as of recently, your family had been distant and youâd been feeling lonely and anxious for a while. Itâd been an embarrassingly long time since youâd had guests over, at least, guests that mattered to you and hadnât been your parentsâ friends or siblings spouses. The look in Ajaxâs face makes your stomach churn; had something happened?
âAre your parents home?â He asks, his voice tinged in a mixture of distaste and sadness, itâs lower than when heâd spoken to you earlier and you wonder what could have happened to create such a drastic change in his behavior. If you took the time to notice youâd see how his eyes glare at the family portrait; the two traitors clear as day as they embraced their children, Childe couldnât help but see them in a new, more negative and hateful light.
Not after two weeks of research, not when he was now certain they wanted to get in his way.
âNo, they said they werenât coming home until later tonight, but if you want to stay till then Iâm sure they'd love to see you again,â you try to reassure him thinking he was perhaps saddened at not being able to see your parents, itâd make sense since, unlike you two, they hadnât been able to keep in touch since the young manâs career in the Fatui began.
âI⌠I donât think I want to meet them, no,â Ajax shakes his head, his hair bouncing as he makes his way to your sofa, his legs tremble slightly â cowards, he thinks, not even able to show their faces, âI actually came here to talk to them but, ha⌠now that Iâm here Iâm not too sure.â
âHmm, how so?â You ask, your heart - which was already quite nervous at his sudden change of mood - sinks further, a sudden uneasiness fills your lungs.
Heâd come here in hopes of finding you parents and confronting them with his findings, he would have offered them a chance to redeem themselves and cancel the wedding without you even finding out about the secret dealings theyâd been making in your name, but they were not here, you were. Maybe, he could change his battle plan, if he couldnât talk to your parents⌠why not simply talk to you? If heâd offered a higher sum and never asked you himself, heâd be no better than that lowlife and your parents, not that youâd reject him - but the thought of steeping as low as they did made him sick.
âWhat are your thoughts about marriage?â The question is so sudden and unrelated to the previous topic you instinctively frown.
âMarriage,â you sit down opposite of him, it feels like youâre in a job interview as he questions you, âI mean, Iâve thought about it but Iâm not sure I want to get married, at least not now, Iâm not too sure Iâd want to give it all up; I mean, I have a job and friends, thereâs so much to do, so much I want to do⌠and I canât say Iâd be able to do it all if I was married. Iâd like to travel and, I⌠I donât know, learn more I guess, I feel like if I settle down it'll be once Iâm more, you know, confident or mature?â
You trail off awkwardly, it was true - the only times youâd ever seriously thought about marriage often included you being significantly older and, most of the time, with an already retired Ajax â though you wouldnât admit that to his face unless you were certain he felt the same. Youâd rather keep that last part hidden, if not for fear of making him uncomfortable, for the sake of your heart and fear of being brushed aside. Your parents had made it quite clear; you were no marriage-material, youâd be lucky if you even manage to get a partner at this rate, and you doubted a man as accomplished as Tartaglia, Ajax, the 11th Harbinger, would settle for a average, clumsy, pessimistic small town girl such as yourself.
He stays quiet as if a million thoughts were racing around his head; that wasnât the answer he particularly wanted, heâd rather hear youâd been fantasizing of marrying him, hear you ramble on and on about how youâd been waiting for him and were just about ready to go down the aisle with him and promise yourself to one another but he was glad you werenât against the idea of marriage, even if he wished youâd been more open about doing it sooner rather than later; but that would change, he was sure of it.
âAnd, uh, what about you?â You ask, the air felt heavy and you desperately wanted to ease the tension, only one thought was really running through your head that you were too afraid to ask; âWhat was going on with Ajax?â
âMe?â The question snaps him out of whatever mental trance heâd caught himself in, âWell, I want to get married, the sooner the better, I want to have a family, but itâs gotta be with the person I love the most in this world, I couldnât bring myself to imagine living without them.â
Neither the words themselves nor the sentiment are crazy, even if youâd only just gotten to know him, it was obvious Ajax wanted a loving family to call his own and it was a pretty common desire for many, it more so was the way his eyes seemed to bore into your own as he spoke, as if he were trying to let you know it was you who he was talking about. You flustered at the thought, it was perhaps selfish to think it was you he was talking about but the thought pleased you nonetheless even if your parentsâ words echoed in your mind.
âThatâs, ah,â you mumble, breaking eye contact and looking elsewhere, trying to calm your beating heart, you should stop being so silly - he was here to talk with your parents, not you, both of you meeting was mere coincidence, nothing else, âreally nice, I hope you find them soon..â
âYou do?â He smiles, seemingly pleased with your words, but itâs significantly weaker than usual.
Thereâs an awkward silence as you wonder if maybe, just maybe, heâd come here to propose. You know it sounds crazy and incredibly sudden but the mention of marriage and wanting to talk to your folk, the fact heâd made the time in his incredibly busy schedule and travels to come over to your house, it made it sound like he had ulterior motives for coming here and just the thought of them had you flustered. You may have just said you wanted to hold off on marriage, that you doubted someone like him would even think of being your partner, but you felt certain that if Ajax asked for your hand you would agree with no hesitation â out of a pitiful mix of love and desperation.
Youâre unsure of what to do and are about to speak up, willing to say almost anything to move the conversation forward and away from the topic, but he beats you to it and breaks the silence first.
âListen, dove⌠I-I love your parents and I wouldnât accuse them of something like this if I didnât have evidence, okay?â He lies through his teeth, after finding out the way they were so willing to get in between you two he could barely stand the thought of them now, but heâs lucky the rest of the words come easy, âI really didnât want to believe this either, but I have many a reason to suspect they may be trying marrying you off soon to a stranger.â
âW-What?â You breathe out, you struggle to process his words, itâs as if theyâd bounced off your brain and floated off elsewhere, âM-marrying me off? Whatâs - what do you mean?â
No, no, no way.
You feel yourself grow tense and light headed.
What sort of messed up prank was this? There was no way⌠right?
âIt seems they found a member of the Fatui,â he shakes his head, âa guy named Andrei Galkin, and theyâre planning to marry you off to him, so I decided to ask around - it seems like itâs been a topic for a while now, money may be involved too, the reason I came here was to⌠have a talk with your parents, see if I could change their mind.â
âD-do you even have proof?â You ask with a shivering voice, heat rushes to your cheeks as you begin to feel hot in embarrassment and anger; your parents were meaning to sell you off to some man? This had to be a joke Childe was playing, youâd known heâd become a bit off after the Abyss incident and you knew his time as a Harbinger probably messed him up, but this wasnât funny. It was disgusting, the mere prospect has you trembling as you try and grasp what on earth was happening. However, the more you look at him, you wonder if this is a joke at all. You studied him and his expression, desperately trying to see anything on his face thatâd indicate this was a sick prank from his part, a cheeky smile or maybe lack of eye contact - anything would do, you felt yourself begin to hyperventilate as you realized how absurd itâd be for him to come all the way to a village hours away from the main city to play such a horrible joke on you, one he must have known would cause you pain and anguish â you doubted heâd want to see you like this, at least you hoped he wouldnât want to see you like this.
Oh, the realization makes you grow lightheaded, he was probably telling the truth.
âThereâs correspondence between them and his family, thereâs also a wedding venue booked under their names,â Ajax mumbled, his voice a mere whisper against the sound of your beating heart, he pulls a few files from his coat and hands them to you - your last name is printed on the cover and you quickly open them and browse through the pages, your heart sinks, âI also found money transactions between your family and the Galkin family, about⌠Iâm sorry but I canât ââ
âHow much, Ajax?â You feel stiff and your hands start shaking making it hard for you to continue flipping through the countless reports, photographs, records, bank transactions, and letters, your blood feels terribly cold as you try to calm down the whirlwind of feelings that coursed through your body, but you couldnât bring yourself to calm down, not when your family, your parents of all people, have seemed to been able to calmly put a price on not only your love but your person as well.
âAbout 900,000 Mora,â he mutters, cold blue eyes avoiding your gaze as he continues, âto Uncle and Auntie from Andreiâs family.â
â900,000 MoraâŚâ You feel your heart shatter as Childe brings a comforting hand towards your shoulders, his calloused fingers massaging your tense muscles, âYouâre⌠youâre serious, arenât you?â
âIâd never lie about such a thing,â he approaches you slowly, Ajax continues speaking as he envelops you with a hug soon after removing the papers from your trembling hands,âthis pains me as much as it pains you.â
All of this was true, itâd taken him a long time to gather it all, but the reality was simple and cruel;
your parents had begun arranging for your marriage to an older Fatui soldier for after his retirement.
âWhy⌠why would they do this?â You mutter, feeling sorrow slowly fill your lungs up - making it harder to breathe comfortably, âH-how could they? How could they? Why⌠Ajax, w-why?â
You felt like an idiot, just minutes ago youâd naively thought you may be getting proposed to by your childhood lover, a childish and hopelessly romantic thought, but now youâre sitting in your living room, on the verge of a breakdown as you tried to think of why on earth your parents would be willing to accept such an offer on your behalf, why theyâd use you - their daughter - for Mora.
âShhh, itâs okay, let it out,â he brings your head into his shoulder, caressing your back in a soothing manner, âit must feel horrible, Iâm sure.â
And so you sit there, sobbing into your old friend as you try and process the information presented in front of you. It takes you a good couple of minutes to calm down, by then you two have once again sat down on the couch.
âWhat am I going to do?â You bury your face into your hands, your body shook as you thought about having to confront your parents once they arrived now with the knowledge you had.
It takes Ajax a couple of seconds before he speaks up, he needed to make it seem like he hadnât been thinking of this from the moment heâd gotten his hands on the evidence himself; âI have an idea but...â
Your head shoots up in record speed, you could practically feel your neck crack from the sudden move but you didnât care, you were desperate for a solution - no matter how good or bad it may be; âOh come on, just spit it out, nothing could be worse than this.â
âMarry me.â
Your eyes widen and your breath hitches; âM-Marry you?â
He nods, sapphire eyes staring you down like a hunter would prey - you didnât like the way he was looking at you.
âWhy?â
âWhy?â He echos, you can see him stifle a laugh, âBecause itâs either that or marrying some lowlife named Andrei who paid to wed you.â
You feel your body stiffen at the harsh words, they were true but that didnât mean it didnât hurt to hear. You avoid looking him in the eyes, your hands anxiously twiddle each other.
â⌠and what if youâre wrong?â
âWhat?â He asks as if he couldnât believe what you had just said.
âWhat if my parents arenât marrying me offâŚâ
âDarling,â Ajax laughs but his eyes didnât seem to have gotten the memo, âare you doubting me? I gave you evidence, itâs right there.â
âNot necessarily,â you look away, you couldnât help but wonder why you needed to explain yourself, âbut, come on, I canât accept this, itâs too sudden and mom and dad, t-theyâd never do this to me, right? Iâm their daughter, you know? They love me, they said they did and you donât do this if you love someone, right?. So⌠so w-what if youâre wrong?â
âWrong? Thereâs no other interpretation that makes sense of what weâve both seen. Why would I lie to you about this? Come on, love, look at me, do I look like Iâm enjoying this?â He questions you, âLook at me, come on, listen to me, if it were up to me,â he grabs your chin when you refuse to meet his gaze, his dark blue eyes stare deeply into your soul; they donât shine the way the once used to, âI would have asked them for their blessing and proposed to you in the plaza, I would have had a ring ordered from Liyue costume made for you, Iâd organize for their to be flowers of every color imaginable, even arrange food and music too, there would be hundreds onlookers whoâd die to experience a fraction of the joy we would be feeling, I would have invited my family and yours, Iâd have you wearing a custom dress, youâd be the happiest woman in Teyvat if Iâd have my way⌠but look where we are instead, canât you see? This isnât what I wanted for us, this isnât what I wanted for you, but we still have time, we can still fix it. But before that first, you have to believe me and get it through your head; this is who they are, this is what theyâve done, your parents donât love you any more.â
ââŚâ You can only look at him in shock as you feel tears swell in your eyes because it was not far fetched to say that the last few months your family had been distant, that theyâd begun to act strange, and that youâd been short on cash for Tsaritsa knows how long, it hurt because a part of you felt like this was plausible. Because it was true, you were the youngest and that you didnât exactly pull your weight the same way your siblings did, it was true youâd been more of a casualty in your familyâs life but that didnât mean theyâd sell you off. No, they had treated you with love and kindness, theyâd been there for every big step in your life, they loved you⌠right? Theyâd never do this to you, they would never accept Mora in exchange for your hand in marriage. They would never trade their love for you for some Money⌠right?
Maybe their love was ensuring you had a better future, one where your lover took care of you even if you didnât exactly choose them, it was true your love life had been awfully stale, that the only person youâd ever been interested in who had also liked you back was in the army, and that you were never quite able to secure a full time job, it was always part-time and you were always booked the least compared to your coworkers. It was true you didnât have many friends, most of the people your age had moved away by now, you were the only one of your siblings who wasnât married or dating someone, out of all of your siblings you were the only one who seemed to remain the same no matter how many years passed. Maybe it was exactly what this was, a misunderstood, misplaced, and ill-fitting way of showing their love; but maybe you hated the thought this was their way of expressing it more than you were moved theyâd tried at all.
âShhh, my love,â you didnât quite catch when Ajax had started wiping your tears away nor when he had managed to get so close, but at that moment â the moment where your whole life felt so uncertain and shaken â you were willing to ignore it all, âitâs okay, I know what youâre thinking⌠My offer still stands, you can still marry me.â
âAnd then what?â You sobbed, holding his gloved hands tightly against your cheek, âWhat am I going to do after that?â
âYouâll move in with me,â he responds matter of factly yet his tone is still soft, as if he feared speaking too loudly would scare you away, âand weâll tell them together and youâll make your bags and weâll be on our way away from all of this mess. Please listen to me, sweetheart, as of right now, Iâm the only choice for you â it wonât be bad at all, itâll be lovely in fact, donât you want that?â
ââŚâ
âPlease, please trust me, I only want whatâs best for you,â he continues, ignoring your silence and instead continuing to caress your skin, âIâve worked with Andrei, heâs no good, heâs older and cranky, heâs always in a bad mood, he wonât satisfy you, and I donât want you to be miserable, I mean look at you, is this what you want? Hear me out and put trust in me, you wonât regret it; Iâll get you out of this, I promise.â
âButâŚâ
âI love you and I know you love me,â he whispered, drawing closer to you, his voice low as he slowly leans into your lips, he stops right before they can touch his own, âand Iâm sure youâll grow to love this too.â
Thereâs a silence as you let your options cross your head, you feel yourself grow overwhelmed, being struck with grief and regret in such strong waves you have no choice but to simply give in to the only secure stone you currently see in the storm that was brewing in your mind.
He loved you, he said so himself, and heâd protect you, heâd promised. You could trust him, you had to trust him; you had no one else.
âIâll⌠Iâll marry you.â
âThatâs my girl.â He boasts, his face â which is now close enough for you to smell the mint in his breath â breaks into a smile before heâs leaning into your face to kiss you; You reciprocate the action and close your eyes, secretly hoping that today was but a nightmare.
You feel his gloved hands wander around your body, the leather-like material is smooth as his skilled digits play around. Thereâs barely any time to breathe as he continues kissing you until you grow dizzy from the lack of oxygen entering your lungs.
You had always liked Ajax, always dreamed of marrying him, but as your dreams were coming true you couldnât help but feel suffocated by the circumstances that brought it up.
âDarling,â he moans, as he finally parts himself from your abused lips, âyouâre not kissing back, donât tell me you ââ
âAjax,â you interrupt, your voice barely above a whisper as you desperately try to dive into his eyes, seeking an answer, âwhy are you doing this?â
The question spoke for itself, no further clarification was needed; why had he come? Why had he revealed your parentsâ plans? Was it even as awful as he made it seem? Why did he care? Why now? Did he really want to marry you or did he just feel responsible for you? Why did he bring himself into this mess? Why you, why him, why, why, why, why? Simply; why?
A part of you couldnât quite believe what youâd heard, you still struggled to grasp the idea that your parents would even think of giving your hand away for Mora, and yet the intensity in his voice, the anger in his tone as he relayed the information heâd gathered could have convinced anyone, you doubted heâd lie about something as severe. If this was the truth, itâd been revealed to you too quickly, youâd been expected to get over it too soon, one moment you find out your parents were getting rid of you and your trust in the most materialistic of ways and the next youâve been proposed to by a man you hadnât seen in person for over half a decade. You canât help but wonder if you said yes because you loved him or because you were desperate, for what - you didnât know.
âBecause I love you,â he speaks, his dull eyes finding yours and you wonder if theyâd always lacked light, âI love you⌠and Iâm not letting anyone get in my- our way.â
In his head, this was the only way to have you, this was the only way to love you, he was going to save you.
He doesnât stop to wait for your response before heâs picked you up with ease, years of training and hard work evident by how nonchalantly he walks around your house and goes up the stairs, ignoring all the other rooms and picking up the pace the closer you got to the destination; you were going to your bedroom, you realize, the one youâd been occupying since you were a child. You never thought your house to be small but the speed in which he was walking made you aware of how short the distance between your bedroom and living room was.
âAjax, what are you doing?â You whimper, you hold on tightly to the ginger, youâre so close you can smell his cologne, afraid heâd let you do if you let up even for a second.
âIâll show you,â he continued down the hall, thereâs an edge to his voice that gives you a chill, he sounded almost angry but with whom you did not know, âIâll show you why Iâm doing this.â
You two finally make your way to your bedroom where he kicks the door open and plops you, quite unceremoniously, down onto the mattress. He kicks off his shoes and wiggles his heavy coat off before climbing the bed with you, he tugs you around until youâre below him.
âYouâre doing all of this too fast, calm down,â you argue, pain and sorrow still evident in your voice and it hurts his soul to hear it, âyou donât have to prove me anything, IâŚâ
âEverything Iâve said is true, love,â the red-head insists, âand Iâm doing this equally for me as Iâm doing it for you.â
You donât respond, instead you opt to look away; his gaze was becoming too intense and it was making you feel funny in ways you hadnât felt before.
âLook at me,â his hands find your jaw and he redirects your gaze forcefully, âyouâve already said yes, unless⌠donât tell me you,â his eyes darken as they narrowed, an almost animalistic look took over his features, âyou lied and you donât want to marry me.â
âI⌠I do, Iâve always wanted to, but,â Itâs embarrassing to admit but you do so anyway in fear of creating a misunderstanding between the two of you, everything was going so fast you were struggling to keep up, âbut⌠is this really how you want to do it?â
You were certain you could take things slower, maybe wait for your parents to come home and talk to them, you didnât understand why he was in such a hurry, was this healthy? Was this okay?
âYes,â it seems like he can sense your hesitation so he continues, âI wouldnât have it any other way.â His words held so much certainty you almost feel stupid for even questioning him, he drew near your lips once more before engulfing your mouth in a kiss, this time with much more vigor than before.
His teeth nip at your lips, begging for entry and you shyly grant it, slowly parting your mouth open. Itâs all so messy as you feel his tongue enter your mouth, the muscle seemingly had a life of its own as it mapped your mouth, teeth clashed against each other as if he were desperate to dominate you.
His hands find your waist and insists on pushing you further into the bed, molding your body into the mattress, as he rubs your sides with slow, sensual movements that light your body ablaze. The contrast between the continuous attacks on your lips and the soft stroking of your body left you dizzy, he handled you as if you were made of porcelain and yet ravaged you like a beast when granted access.
You unknowingly whine as your lips finally part, taking a deep breath of air in the process, a thin strip of saliva connected you both, a lewd indicator of the passion Ajax wished to imprint on you. Youâre both panting, clearly riled up from the heated kiss, but the man on top of you insisted on letting his hands work their way through you. Your eyes trail downwards where his gloved digits traced the shape of your body, the way they glide across your curves and dips was hypnotizing, and you miss the way a smirk overtakes his features as he realizes how tightly heâs got you wrapped around those very same fingers.
You feel his breath before you hear his words; âCan I take this off?â
His voice is barely above a whisper yet his question rings around the room like a scream, you feel yourself grow hot under your clothes; the same ones heâd just asked to remove off of you.
Youâre too embarrassed to answer him, still slightly hesitant to continue going, you can feel your cheeks heat up into a burning mess and youâre scared that if you speak youâll make a fool of yourself, so instead you nod slowly, trying to calm your racing mind, moving your eyes elsewhere in hopes you wouldnât have to see the smug look his face was sure to take.
However, heâs quick to catch your face and redirect your gaze back to himself; âThank you.â
You let him pick you from the bed to fiddle with the claps on the back of your dress, his fingers are swift in figuring out how to free you from your outer layers, itâs almost amazing how quickly heâs able to take your clothes off until youâre clad in your modest undergarments.
Due to Snezhnayaâs unforgiving winters you often layered multiple articles of clothing and prioritized warmth over aesthetics, the thought your underwear might be underwhelming doesn���t cross your mind until youâre left with your thigh-length woolen socks and plain bra and panties. You wonder if maybe the sight would be disappointing for a man as well traveled as Childe, heâs probably seen much more appealing bodies and clothes during his travels, but that idea goes as quickly as it comes when you finally see his reaction to your partially bare body.
Even though he still wore multiple layers, you could see the way his chest had begun to fall and rise unsteadily, his cheeks have taken a feverish glow, and his breath has become noticeably ragged, the hands that held the clothes heâd recently taken off your body were clearly shaking, his fists tightened their grip on the soft fabrics of your garments until they wrinkled. His eyes never left you, even as they traveled through your body, mapping out every nook and cranny he so desperately wanted to mark and savor, he didnât dare let his gaze wander as if afraid the minute he did youâd disappear and heâd wake up in his office, cold and alone.
âHahâŚâ Ajax lets out a soft moan as he takes in the sight in front of him, he feels weak and bothered as he watched your breasts rise and fall as you breathed, he lets his eyes go downwards until heâs face to face with your covered pussy and he feels his underwear slowly moisten as he catches sight of a small wet patch that had formed in your panties.
âDonât look at me like thatâŚâ You mumble into your arms, your body instinctively tries to hide itself but your friend doesn't allow it. The minute he feels your legs try to bundle together he slots himself in between them and throws your clothes away so he can fully grasp and force them apart.
Thereâs silence as you both stare at each other, waiting for one of you to make the first move and fully pass the point of no return.
Surprisingly, this time itâs you who grows impatient and drags the ginger down to meet your hungry lips.
Maybe itâs because right now, Ajax felt like the only person who cared about you and you felt desperate to feel comforted, you felt betrayed and hurt and you craved to be reminded you were loved. It wasnât healthy and a part of you felt guilty, like you were using him for momentary comfort, as if youâd forced him to come and offer his hand in marriage, if you were smarter and stronger maybe you wouldâve realized what was going on and could have stopped it. But heâd said he loved you, right? You loved him, you knew you did and heâd gone and declared his love for you first, even when you were kids he was always dedicated to reminding you of his adoration, but your parents said that too and where did that lead to? He wasnât doing this out of feeling obligated to care for you, was he?
Maybe this was a mistake, you probably should not be initiating sex with a man you havenât seen in person in years after he came to tell you your parent had sold you off to marry some rich old, gross soldier, you instead should have sat down and talked for longer, tried figuring out what was going on and perhaps find a solution that didnât include you marrying your childhood sweetheart, not out of love but out of fear of being forced into an arranged marriage with a stranger. But the fact of the matter is that you didnât do that, you let yourself be dragged along by his passion and desperation, you now laid in bed making out with Ajax as you desperately tried to push the thoughts of self-doubt and disgust away.
You try to focus on the present without thinking of the past nor the future; The almost one million Mora your parents had pocketed didnât mean anything, there was no Andrei Galkin, Ajax had never left you, the Fatui didnât exist, there hadnât been any betrayal or hurt feelings, you were safe and you were free, there was nothing. In this room, at least for this moment, all that existed was you and Tartaglia.
His shirt is a barrier between your greedy hands and his naked body thatâs becoming increasingly annoying as you parted your lips to grant him access to your all of mouth, which he gladly accepts as your tongues caress each other in a sloppy manner, you feel your teeth sometimes clash with his own but youâre too focused on tugging at his clothes, trying to get them off with the least amount of space between you both to care. They could rip, you didnât care, you wanted to feel his body and warmth, you needed to feel alive.
Your body is starting to feel tingly, your nipples feel hard against your bra and your lower region becomes needy. You want him to touch you more but his hands are busy fiddling with your hips and waist, alternating between the two spots as he caresses and pinches your skin.
You both seem hesitant to let each other go even if itâs for something as necessary as catching your breaths, but even if things seemed to have slowed down it didnât mean something isn't happening.
âAjax,â your voice is soft and breathless, you feel your lungs beg you to not speak, âtake âem off, wanna touch youâŚâ
You gesture at his clothes, slowly running a finger around his chest and stopping at - where you guessed - his nipple was and pressing down hard.
A deep grunt of approval escaped the manâs lips at the feeling and it took him a second to nod, busy trying not to focus too much on the way he felt his cock throbbing, and back off to make way for him to take his clothes off. Childe refuses to completely climb off you, instead leaning backwards to unbutton his shirt and click off the harness he wore, his coat falling behind is his figure, and his shoes long since thrown elsewhere, his pink nipples are clearly sensitive as his eyes shut off tightly as his clothes graze them, his whole body felt on fire - as if your mere presence were an aphrodisiac to the man. Next is his pants and socks and he does his very best to be as quick as humanly possible, theyâre all off in record speed and heâs soon only wearing his underwear.
The minute heâs done, heâs thrown himself back onto you as if trying to make up for the few seconds heâd parted from you.
Youâre flustered as you finally feel his skin freely come in contact with yours, as if the situation slowly began sinking in just then. Not to mention, youâd caught sight of his raging boner through the thin layer of fabric that constituted his undergarments. It looked big and thick and you wondered, if you even reached that point, if it was even possible to feel good from such a thing pounding on your hole, it looked like itâd hurt more than anything. But a greedy part of you was desperate to find out how itâd feel to have all of him inside of you, to have his fat tip caressing the deepest corners of your body, painting your gummy insides white.
This time, you both skip the kissing and go straight to touching each other, this time more shamelessly and with less hesitance. Your hands find his neck and you pull his head into the crook of your neck where he dedicates his time to litter kisses across the area, you let your hands wander across his shoulders and neck, softly scratching the skin under your nails whenever he kisses a particularly sensitive spot. On the other hand, Ajax let his hands travel across your chest and cup your breasts, he molds the flesh like a stress ball, tightening his grip and pulling at them like they were toys. The feeling of your bra coming into contact with your hardening nipples makes you whimper and moan while your body contorts in an attempt to meld deeper with the man on top of you.
Your movements are restricted and awkward as you were currently caged between the bed and him, but you do your best to communicate your growing neediness.
âA-Ajax, mhmm~!â You gasp, his teeth gnaw at a spot in your neck that has a shot of neediness reaching your privates in electrifying waves, â⌠more, I wanâ moreâŚâ
You can feel his lips curve into a smirk as he hears the desperation in your voice but heâs not better at concealing the very obvious way your words affected him; âMy dove wants more? Hahâhaha, a-arenât you such a cute ând needy little thing.â
You huff slightly at his teasing words but you canât deny that the way he addressed you as âhisâ made you grow increasingly horny. He seems to hear your soft complaint and finally parts with your neck, which was now littered with hickies and love bites, to allow himself to gaze deeply into your eyes.
You could never deny that Ajaxâs eyes were the prettiest shade of blue youâd ever seen, they resemble sapphires and noctilucous jade but with less shine. When you both were younger youâd spend hours gazing upon them, admiring the intensity they held. Now, however, you canât say you arenât slightly intimidated as he gazes at you like a predator. His hands leave your body and youâre immediately missing the warmth they provided you, in fact, youâre about to complain and ask him to touch you again when he suddenly cups your clothed pussy with his hand.
His hand is large, his fingers are long and the palm is in no way small, which meant most - if not all - of your cunt was now being held in one of his hands. His thumb is hovering over your clit and you gasp as you feel him tighten his hold and trace his fingers across your slit and up to your sensitive nub.
You squirm, letting your bottom grind against his hands, slowly building up your pleasure until youâre letting out soft moans and whines. Tartaglia decides to aid you as he himself works towards getting his member hard and oozing with release by moving his hand across your pussy and grinding on your thighs simultaneously. Your mind grows hot and dazed as you sense your pussy begin to drool, you could feel the way your juices leaked, the wet trail theyâd leave and traveled across your your entrance, down your slit and across your thighs, soaking your underwear with release; you wondered if Ajax could feel your excitement too.
You could certainly feel him. His cock had long since been hard and leaking precum, you could make out through hazy eyes and desperate movements a wet patch on his boxers. It looked so big constrained against the fabric, you wanted to free his cock and feel it inside your hole, any of them, his balls seemed to hold unceremonious amounts of cum as the wetness kept growing more and more visible to you, you wondered if heâd be willing to come inside of you if you asked.
You both work together, trying to make the other as aroused as possible until someone snapped and began demanding the intercourse you both clearly wanted.
You donât want to give in, not yet, but heâs begun to tease your slit with his fingertips and youâre growing aggravated from the empty feeling in your cunt. You feel yourself clenching onto nothing, your walls closing desperately trying to find anything to grip onto, you are growing desperate to feel something inside, be it his fingers, his tongue or his cock â you wanted him inside of you, now.
âHa⌠hah~â You can feel his tongue hanging from his open mouth, drool escapes his parted lips and coats your breasts, youâre surprised heâs managed to keep himself up for so long, all the training heâd endured paying off and allowing him to mount your thighs and grind his length against your skin, his expression is one of extreme arousal that makes you tense and grow lust-drunk, âT-Tell me⌠dâya wanna feel my cock in your pussy yet, darling?â
ââŚ! Mâmhk?!â You let out a high pitched whine as a particular stroke of his hands delves momentarily into your clothed hole, you can feel your cum slowly dirty your underwear.
âLook at you,â he chuckles, his movements growing erratic, his ginger hair seems darker and less vibrant against his reddened face, âyour⌠your pussy is begginâ for me!â
âPleaseâŚâ Your voice is barely above a whisper, your body still rocks alongside his own as he uses your body to get off and bring you close to a mind-numbing release, your voice wavers as your whole being is shocked from the pleasure Ajaxâs hand toying with your clothed cunt brings, your legs twitch and your body keeps contorting and folding.
âHmm, please what? I need you to tell me,â he mumbles, his voice takes a deep, desperate and animalistic tone as he continues, he takes his fingers and starts to circle your clit with an unimaginable force, âWhat do you want, huh? If you want me to fuck y-you, youâll need to use your big girl words. Say; âI want my husbandâs cock inside of meâ, come on, ask for y-your husbandâs cockâŚ!â
âA~AjaxâŚ! Please-uhâŚâ Your body begins to hurt, your very own genitals seem to be burning in fire as you desperately try to soothe the ache in your womb and clit. You begin to rut against his hands at an embarrassing, almost objectifying, pace, absolutely desperate to cum and lift the cloud of lust that seemed to haunt you from the moment Ajax laid your body on your mattress.
âThatâs not who I am,â he mumbles into your skin, his teeth beginning to bite and mark the flesh of your breast, âIâm y-your husband now, right? So, ask for it properly⌠hah~ wonât you?â
â⌠want my h-husbandâs cock, I⌠inside of me, please,â you whine between heavy breaths, âI⌠want to fuck myâhah⌠h-husbandâŚâ
The moan that leaves his lips is loud and primal, his whole body shudders as he hears your plea. He didnât think he could get any harder and yet hearing your shaky voice ask for him sends a rush of blood through his body and straight to his dick.
âAhaha⌠thatâs right, isnât it? I-Iâm your husband now,â an unsettling grin starts to form on his face, one that, if you werenât so desperate and vulnerable, would probably have sent a shiver down your spine; it was an expression that resembled his face after ending a powerful opponent, one that meant victory was his, that heâd won, it was the face many people would see before departing the realm of the living, one of pure, unhinged bliss that could only be understood by a man such as himself, âIâm your husband, your husband⌠a-ah! Ha-ah, that means⌠hah, that means itâs my duty to fuck you, to make you feel good, a good husband makes love to his spouse, right? S-so as your husband, I get to be inside of you⌠a-and make you cum lots. Yeah, I⌠Iâm going to be the best husband, youâll feel good too⌠So be a good wife and take all of my love, âkay?â
During his incoherent rambling, which you barely could understand, he works to rid you of your underwear with desperate movements. His hands pull at the fabric with enough force that they tear, allowing him to rip the fabric off your hips and discard it on the floor. The cool air in your room hits your lower end and makes you shiver, your body had been previously engulfed by Childeâs warmth, the feeling of his own heating body and rapid blood circulation had sheltered you from the freezing temperature outside of the sinful haven between your bodies. The difference in temperature and its effect on you seems to have been noticed by your partner, who looks around the room trying to find a solution.
You want to hurry him up, tell him you didnât mind the cold, that you just wanted to feel him inside you for the first time, but before you know it heâs pulling something from behind; his white coat soon is back on his shoulders, lazily throw on, barely holding up as he quickly pulls his underwear off. Heâs quick and precise, never wasting a moment as he adjusts himself on top of you once more, this time with his bare cock leaking on your stomach.
âIâll heat you up⌠inside and out, hahâŚâ He mumbles, adjusting the coat so it covers both of you, the long, heavy material immediately worked wonders as your body regained its warmth.
You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck to bring him closer to you, youâre both trembling as he slowly lowers his pelvis to meet your own. You were right, he was big and he was long and thick, but he made sure to go slowly as he inserted two fingers to stretch you out in preparation.
Your slick facilitates the intrusion, thereâs not much pain as he opens and closes his fingers, curling and extending them, as if trying to gauge how far you could stretch. His cheeks are a bright red, sweat runs through his forehead as he feels your body accommodate the feeling of his fingers. Ajax was big, always taller than most in your village, and his time in the Fatui had definitely contributed to his size â his shoulders were broad, his chest chiseled, and his fingers, the ones that slowly danced inside your pussy, were long and calloused. This was your first time feeling something other than your own hands and Ajax was making sure to show you all the places you could have never reached on your own.
You donât even realize youâd begun panting, soft whines and moans had been leaving your lips forma while now, noises that only served to encourage Ajax further. But he had to stop, he needed you both to cum together as one. Your first time together had to be romantic like that, both of you climaxing together and coming undone at the same time.
Thereâs a feeling of emptiness and disappointment that follows the feeling of his fingers leaving your body, youâre about to complain when you see him bring his fingers to his lips to lap at the slick that had stuck to them. Youâre mesmerized at the lewd image, gazing hopelessly at the way his face melted into one of pure pleasure as he tasted you. He makes sure to lick his fingers clean, his tongue lapping at the cum.
You catch his eyes and they soften, a lovestruck look taking over his features, you nod and open your legs wider than before; encouraging him to finally fuck you. He positions himself outside of your opening, making sure you grasp your legs and pull them as wide apart as he physically could without hurting you.
Even with the previous preparation, your breath is knocked out of your lungs as his tip slowly makes its way through your slit, past the muscles and finally inside your gummy walls.
He uses his arms to adjust his body, making sure to be as careful as possible as to not hurt you. This was your first time making love to each other, and heâd be damned if he were the one to cause you pain.
He gives you a second before pushing the rest in, heâs still slow, attempting to coax your body into adjusting to the feeling of being so full. His blue eyes are closed, his breath is heavy and you can feel the bed shake as he tries to control himself, youâre not faring much better, your head felt light as all your body could seemingly concentrate on was the feeling between your legs, your body was heating up and you could feel the warmth radiate off your skin.
You know heâs fully sheathed himself when you feel the soft âthudâ of his balls hitting your ass, youâve become hyper aware of the proximity and situation youâre in as his cock begins to throb inside of your pussy, his head comes to rest on the crook of your neck as you both adjust to the feeling of each other's body.
A moment passes, your walls that had previously been gripping Ajax like a lifeline slowly weaken, finally allowing both of you to relax and begin to experiment.
âI-Iâll startâŚâ He mumbles, avoiding your gaze as if feeling shy, he begins to move around as if to grip the bedâs headboard, all while still inside you, his arms allowing him to cover your body from the world.
As you look up, you realize how heâs become all you see, his imposing frame and coat acting as a curtain blocking the outside from entering your view. Your heart feels heavy but you try and pay it no mind.
The movements are slow and clumsy at first, his cock never truly leaves your warmth fully, his tip always kept inside of your cunt - one way or another. The feeling is strange, youâre not used to the way his length would gaze at your walls or the feeling of the veins on his dick caressing spots inside of you that made you gasp and curl your toes. Itâs new and it takes some adjusting before you begin to rock your own hips to meet his, suddenly it begins to feel good, really good in fact. There was something about the stretch, maybe it was the feeling of being so full, the way his cock curved and hit spongy spots in your pussy becomes addicting, or maybe it was the fat vein that decorated the underside of his cock, but it wasnât long until youâre trying to entice a faster, tougher pace.
He takes his time teasing and easing you into the rhythm of sex, he wouldnât tell you, but a part of him was scared that if he picked up his pace he wouldnât be able to stop until you were leaking his cum - not to mention, he wasnât sure heâd last long if he started to fuck you even faster. The feeling of your walls gripping him was divine, there are moments his thrusts grow unsteady and out of sync, as if his body was trying to take control and allow itself to set the animalistic pace he so desperately wanted, itâs these exact moments where his patience is tested, where he wants nothing more than to pick up your body and use it as a toy to fill with his semen.
âI wanâ more,'' you moan and he freezes as he feels your hips pathetically lift up to meet his heated thrust, your lower region coming up and rolling, rocking, and sloppily caressing his own pelvis in an attempt to suck him deeper into your sex, this was the first time youâd ever experienced such fullness and pleasure, your mind was numb and youâd forgotten all about previous sorrows, you truly wanted to feel more and more until all you could think of was Ajaxâs cock and feeling good, â⌠wanâna feel my⌠my husbandâs c-cockâŚ?!â
At the title, the ginger truly canât help the way his hips basically crash into yours, it was purely instinctual â just the sound of your calling him yours and acknowledging him as your husband, even if youâd only gotten engaged less than an hour ago, was enough to drive him mad with lust. He feels his head grow dizzy as thoughts of breeding you and claiming you as his take over. Itâs as if a switch is turned on because from that moment onwards the atmosphere changed completely.
His previously considerate and soft strokes become harsh and rapid, you can feel your bed move rhythmically with his thrusts, your whole body jolts as he begins to fuck you with the sole goal of filling you so deeply your body was to be conditioned to respond lewdly to his mere presence. Theyâre deeper too as he now focused on feeling and claiming as much of your hole as possible, itâs impossible not to feel the way his cock imprinted itself deeply inside your body.
Your hands are desperate to grasp onto something, so you clutch at the sheets under you as tightly as possible, your body feels hot and heavy; your legs twitch and you're left gasping as Childe grabs your hips to adjust your position. Youâre still lying down but your back arches itself to allow him easy access to your bottom, itâs surprising how easily heâs able to manhandle your body while never quite pulling out, always making sure to insert himself as quickly as he exited, never truly pulling out all of his dick.
The new position allows for him to hurry his pace, youâre soon moving like a rag doll with no control over your limbs. Youâre left a moaning, whining mess as your brain struggles to process the waves of pleasure that bloomed from deep inside your pussy.
You feel your heart beating and you can almost hear the sound of your slick pouring out and lubricating your walls, making it increasingly easy to continue the Fatuiâs pounding of your cunt. Youâre not too sure if youâre even able to talk, the thought of forming a coherent sentence felt farfetched, all that leaves your lips are whines, sounds of pure pleasure and bliss that sound like an orchestra to Ajax.
Heâs not doing much better, his vocabulary seems to have been reduced to declarations of ownership over you, boundless love, and immense pleasure. Your name soon becomes the only coherent sound leaving his lips as he lets his head fall back, his body almost working on autopilot as he allows his hips to ram inside you while his hands focus on teasing your nipples and forcing you to face his reddening face. His chest shines with sweat as he makes sure to fill the room with the sound of your skin meeting him and the growing wet mess between your merging bodies.
Youâre both soon leaking arousal, Ajaxâs cock starts to slowly redden and grow inside of you as he approaches orgasm, drops of precum start to form on the tip, and your torso starts to heat up as it feels heavier the better you feel; your cum is soon coating his dick white, a clear indicator heâd been inside your drooling cunt. You let go of the sheets and bring a hand to your clit, desperate to bring yourself closer to release.
âAh-! Just like that,â Ajax exclaims, lurching forward as he feels your walls tighten around his cock, âtighten around me like that, fuâuck! Iâm gonna cum, gonna cum in your pussy, gonna shoot my cum inside you⌠Hahaâhah! Youâre⌠youâre gonna be full with my cum, are you ready?â
You nod mindlessly, too busy playing with your clit and pressing kisses into Ajaxâs skin. The feeling of being filled by your childhood sweetheart was intoxicating, it left you an overstimulated mess, moaning and whining as you gripped the manâs shoulders to bring him closer to you.
You couldnât tell who came first, only that your final push was the feeling of Childeâs lips on yours. Maybe itâs the desperation you felt radiating off him as his tongue caressed your own, the way his hands tighten around your body as he begins unloading his cum begins seeping into your pussy and deep inside your body. Youâre a shaking mess as you continue riding your orgasm on his dick, prolonging the pleasurable feeling by rocking your hips into his in an almost shy manner, itâs addicting and youâre left gasping and moaning for more. On the other hand, Ajax was trembling on top of you, his arms seemingly giving out as he collapsed into your body, allowing his head to rest beside your own on your pillows while his cock throbbed and painted your insides with his cum. He gives a few weak thrusts, as if making sure that his balls have been thoroughly emptied, before he looks over at your panting face.
Youâre trying to catch your breath, desperately trying to calm your heart down into a stable rhythm, while your body twitches in a post-orgasm afterglow. Youâre sweating, your eyes shut tight as you feel your pussy swell around Ajaxâs dick, which was very much still inside you, and grow sensitive. Even in this state, where youâre too shaken to do anything other than breathe and try to relax your body, he thinks heâs never seen a more beautiful sight in his life.
His hand, which trembled ever so slightly, travels to find yours and intertwine your fingers together. He subconsciously traces your ring-finger, trying to estimate your size, youâd accepted his proposal, going as far as acknowledging him as your husband, it was now his responsibility to find a suitable ring for you, one worthy of resting on your fingers.
He smiles, cuddling deep into your bare skin, pressing his softening cock deeper into you, which earns him a soft whine from you, essentially plugging his semen inside your pussy.
â⌠I love you, Ajax.â You mumble, eyes still closed shut, your voice drowsy and far away as exhaustion slowly catches up to you. Today had been hard on you, physically and mentally, youâd learnt more than youâd wished to have known, your relationship with those around you now forever changed; youâd agreed to marry your childhood friend in response to your parentsâ betrayal, youâd given up your virginity to him and now laid in bed, struggling to know if youâd made the right decisions. An inner turmoil was growing inside you, a storm of emotions you were not ready to deal with, but right now, as you lay beneath the man whoâd promised to save you, you decide to rest and let him take care of it, for now. Your breathing slows down, your body finally succumbing to sleep.
Youâre too tired to hear the sound of the front door unlocking, your motherâs voice booming across the house as she calls out for you as she ushers your father and guests inside your family house. Ajax makes no move to leave your bed or even remove himself from inside of you, not even as he recognizes the distinct sound of footsteps that belonged to your parents moving around downstairs, grinnin softly as he hears your mother call out for you again, while your father talked to someone and merrily laughed, joking around, easing the tension of the first meeting between two people set up in an arranged marriage â where only one of them knew.
He can hear your parents talking, making an excuse at where you were, he can hear your mother climb up the stairs, he can hear her getting closer to your room.
What a lousy move, he thought to himself, to ambush you one day and try to dump the news on top of you like this, you didnât even seem aware of guests coming over to your home at all, he frowned; he had expected more of uncle and auntie. Alas, heâd long since given up on them, he just hopes your mother doesnât scream too loudly when she sees you two in bed together.
Heâd hate for you to wake up to such an awful shriek.
Thereâs a knock on your door, Ajax smiles but makes no move to answer, and then another as your mother calls out your name. She sighs before threatening to open the door, Ajax has to stifle a giggle, pressing his lips into your shoulder to not let out any noise, too afraid to ruin the surprise for his soon to be mother-in-law, she hears no response, she clearly feels agitated and annoyed, he can hear it the way she knocks once more with a stern calling of your name.
Thereâs a second of silence before the door is swung open.
Ajax looks over to your mother, his coat covering both your naked forms enough that a semblance of modesty is kept but not enough that what happened between the two of you was misunderstood, it would be clear to anyone who could walk in, and he smiles, leaning his body into your own, further embracing you and pushing your sleeping face into his chest, he rolls over as a playful wave is sent her way, she stands frozen in place. Your bottom halves are still covered by the oversized coat, but the bruises and bites that litter your bodies are enough to paint a picture, his hand moves to caress your body, a smug smile takes over his features as he watches your mother try to come up with the right words to say.
âHello, maâam,â his tone is playful but the look on his face is one of pure venom, she looks beyond flustered but isnât able to say a word; too shaken by the sight, the combination of her daughter and a man in bed together and the Harbingerâs insignia that seemed to shine with even the smallest movements from the ginger was enough to send her stumbling back, âitâs been a while, we have a lot to catch up on, huh?â
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