#another lame post!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Idk man I just think that mizu/ena5 and its progression was really beautiful actually. I just think that the release of the ena5 song was also really beautiful and kind of the nail in the coffin for me and I haven't been able to get the event(s) out of my head all week and that I kind of want to talk about it, actually.
It's about being hurt so deeply and continuously that any kindness that could be offered to you manages to feel like a sin, that it makes you crumble and shatter but for all the wrong reasons, not because of the newfound safety, not out of relief, but something worse and more deeply ingrained in you than kindness ever was. It's about carefully measuring the distance at which you keep others away from yourself, to ensure that it never happens again ("To save yourself the trouble", if that makes it easier).
It's about realizing that the people you've been spending all this time with are drifting closer, that they just might bump up against the unsightly parts of yourself that you've tried to keep locked away, it's about turning around and sprinting at full speed and slamming the door shut and holding onto the handle behind you to stop it from turning, because you're as frightened of the possibility of another wound being inflicted on you as you are of the possibility that kinder, gentler hands will reach out and smooth over the exposed scar. It's about hating eyes that judge and silently condemn you as much as you hate eyes that simply see you and take all of you in without scrutiny, because no matter what they're looking and they're looking at you and they know that your hand's on that door handle and they know that you're hiding something because, as much as you try to keep it shut, they've seen through the crack that you foolishly left open.
(The prominence of eyes in Bake no Hana, specifically eyes looking and searching, and finally landing on you, the viewer, Mizuki, is so fucking. Visceral in my opinion. Every character in the MV stares at the viewer in a deadpan, almost judging way. Even though Mizuki knows deep down that niigo won't really hate them, won't judge them, she just can't stand their kindness either; any gaze directed at her is a loss, another prick in their skin. It screams "don't look at me" while making sure that you know, with horrific certainty, that they're looking for you, that you're being watched. You can't go outside, can't leave your room, because they're searching for you, and while that should be reassuring, to you it's anything but).
It's about not wanting to be dissected, whether it's with hands that want to pull your organs apart or stitch them back together because no matter what they're there, and they're getting frighteningly close to your heart. It's about blinding yourself and covering your eyes to it all because seeing means exposure and exposure means they're taking something from you and you can't do anything about it, much less take it all back, much less have a say in the matter. Everyone's just taking and taking and taking and you wish you could just be alone. You wish everyone would just disappear and you could live in a world all to yourself, for only yourself (but is that really what you want?).
It's about the way that, near the beginning of the Yoka ni Mitoreta MV, Mizuki and her loneliness is represented as a dark, splotchy stain in the shadows. No colors, no patterns, no way to clean it or wash it all away, just raw ugliness marring a blank canvas. It's about the way that Ena reaches out to it anyway, the way she startles when the glass shatters just when she finally starts reaching forward, the way that the rest of the MV/song represents her searching for and reaching only further out to Mizuki, even if the broken shards of glass will only cut her fingers, potentially leaving scars.
It's about how, in every way, subtly, directly, consciously, and subconsciously, Ena shows that she fucking cares.
It's about the way that Ena lets Mizuki have autonomy, despite the situation being so horribly out of their control. And it's such a delicate thing: If she really wants to, Mizuki can take the opportunity to just run away, keep running forever, repeat the cycle over and over, and maybe she'll just destroy herself with it again, but it can't be denied that it's something important to them, something she can't quite live without just yet, their means of survival. Mizuki's autonomy is their identity, it's her tailoring her own clothes and choosing her own ribbons and styling her own hair the way she does. Ena letting them have that is as much about trust as it is about understanding that Mizuki of all people should have this right, when control was something stripped from her throughout so much of her life. She couldn't control how she was born, how people look at her or why, can't control what they think of her; lacking control has only left Mizuki vulnerable to the cruelties of others, has only caused them to suffer, which is why it's so important that it's given to them now.
She had the control to make the choice to see niigo's welcoming love and run away instead of staying, and she has the control to make the choice now whether she wants to keep things the way they are or take a step forward to be at their side again. She has every right to have it, and I think the fact that Ena realizes and respects that, even if it's subconsciously, is really beautiful (there is an entire fucking Verse about this in the new song and just. God Look at this. It's so caring, unconditional, and for fucking What. I think there is something to be said about how much Ena is willing to put aside for Mizuki, and maybe deep down it isn't healthy, but for now I'm just kind of in awe)
It's about how insanely patient Ena has been this whole time. Mizuki says that she basically lied to Ena's face about telling her their secret, even after Ena said with such conviction that she would wait for Mizuki as long as it takes, and Ena is just kept waiting and waiting and worrying like this seemingly indefinitely. It's about how Mizuki danced around it, avoided it, kept the distance, straight up ran when she was finally pushed, but Ena still chased anyway when she saw that she couldn't wait anymore, kept chasing just enough to intervene and get a straight answer out of Mizuki when she really needed to, but still leaving her enough space to leave if that was truly what she wanted. It's about how relieved Ena is the moment that Mizuki finally says outright how much they want to be with her and niigo, how much she wants to try, how much more light Ena's voice sounds when she grabs her hand, relieved, the way that the relief she feels can be felt through the music, throughout the entirety of Yoka ni Mitoreta, the way that warm colors always follow her when she chases after Mizuki, just to hold onto her and stop her from running away completely.
It's about how that careful combination of Ena's directness, Ena's persistence, Ena's warmth, her patience, her bluntness about her feelings, the way she chases and holds on but not too tight and her regard for how unsafe and exposed Mizuki feels actually works and breaks it all down. It's about how she really did reach through to Mizuki, despite the thorns and broken glass shards and nearly-unfulfilled promises, the way that Mizuki did finally let her turn the door handle and step through to see what she'd been hiding all this time, the way that Mizuki's hand, limp, when Ena first grabs onto it, shifts to hold hers back as they cry in the face of Ena's gentleness.
Despite how harsh Mizu/Ena5, and even Ena herself as a character can be (or at least was in the very beginning of pjsk), everything is somehow gentle and warm in the end, blindingly so. And you know what, I think that's beautiful. And what's even more beautiful than that is how Mizuki allows themself to crumble and shatter under that kindness, that warm light, but this time, finally, out of relief.
On a final note, I just want to say that I also appreciate how all that didn't have to solve everything. The scars haven't disappeared, haven't gone away, and Mizuki knows that their desire to run hasn't gone away forever, and maybe it never truly will. But for now they've calmed it, at least a little. She's learning to allow herself to be seen, learning that when someone's fingertips brush over their scars the way Ena's did that it's only out of care, and that maybe taking in that care and allowing herself to feel kindness and safety is okay. They're safe, for now, somehow. They're learning. They're trying. And I think that's cool :)
#txt#pjsk#project sekai#mizuki akiyama#akiyama mizuki#ena5#ena shinonome#shinonome ena#25 ji nightcord de#niigo#n25#mizuena#i'll tag it for the shippers too bc why not they'll enjoy this#closing my eyes and hitting post because on one hand i want to keep editing this because it's a mess but if i spend another minute on this#I Will explode#physically i have moved on mentally i am still staring at that damn card on my monitor while the music swells and mizuki is wailing out#that damn image has like actually rearranged my brain chemistry it's not even funny#i'm so fucking weak for this specific character dynamic/relationship yeah it might be cliche yeah i'm lame whatever#but like. FUCKKKK THEY DID IT SO WELL. THIS IS ACTUALLY INSANE. they put so much care into mizuki as a character it's crazy#oh mizuki. i hope you find peace and happiness.#i hope you look around you and the people you've surrounded yourself with one day and realize that you've found safety#anyways yeah sorry this is incomprehensible nonsense also sorry if the pronouns were confusing i hc she/they for mizuki#y'know partway through writing this i half considered turning this around into a fic but like. nahhhhh. tumblr text word vomit it is#sorry about the *checks* 1.4K word text ramble. but thanks for reading if you got here B))
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cleaned up everyrine's sprite and made some cathys 🕊💜...
+ bonus because i like playing with dolls
#bell.txt#limbus company#catherine lcb#catherine limbus#heathcathy#shi x devyat is something i was brainstorming with soul a while ago... i'll write it when i can#u may know ring x middle duo from psalms and u might know seven cathy from hit fic h(i am dragged out before i can promote That in public)#shades art#it countssss#i also had another but its a little lame cuz it was a generic so it came out really tiny so maybe another time#also wow middle was HELL to edit might post full l8r cuz hell i didnt do all that for nothing#sprite edits#patches of violet
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quick lazy thing. ive been obsessed with dungeon meshi so of course ive been absolutely terrified of drawing anything for it but i love falin so much
#art#my art#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#i dont really have as much to say#this was just a really quick thing i did it in 30 minutes#i have another sketch of her but its on my moms ipad and i forgot to send it to myself so its gotta wait for tomorrow#gosh posting twice in one day i should pace myself but thats so lame#i wanna draw mothril next but i also dont wanna draw him ever what a conundrum#well just see i guess#anyways thats the post
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Miquella did everything wrong and that's why I love him.
#elden ring#elden ring posting#elden ring lore#elden ring miquella#miquella the unalloyed#inb4 another lame “lol ur charmed” joke
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I don't think matt being a priest is hot
#call me a secular dyke but i see him in the cloth and my dick stays soft#im gonna seem like a real lame-o after my last post but honestly#its nice he's doing another community-care related role#i fear theyre gonna make him ditch it quick though :/#also i didnt say anything that would put it in any tags so you cant be mad at me
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Ppl calling Belos an incel are so real but also remember this man COULD’VE got bitches bc most of the Boiling Isles liked him prior to the DoU, he’s just a huge miserable cunt
#texting my patience#bitches is gender neutral!!!!!#I’m gonna post about another character tomorrow I SWEAR#he’s just funny to make jokes about he’s so……. lame#delete later#emperor belos
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god is there anything sexier than an early 20th century ocean liner
#Just got a new follower bc of one of my boat posts so I thought I’d make another#I nearly forgot how much I love boats#Shoutout to my girls#rms olympic#rms lusitania#rms carpathia#rms mauretania#and ig that lame ass bitch#rms titanic#oh! Also#Rms brittanic#And special shoutout to the#Rms germanic#Which is how my great grandfather got to America#P-14f
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more rejuv things but its. its just this guy again, im sorry shes all i can draw
#everyday im like i wanna draw :] and then i just end up with this thing on the page#i refuse to draw hands holding. because i cannot and im too lazy to figure it out#oh yea a couple of these i havent posted before because theyre lame to me but ill put them here for now#anyways!!#i was gonna say something about a couple of these but i forgot#oh well#pokemon rejuvenation#does she. lose her ribbon in blacksteeple. i forgot#she still has it to me..#to me her c15 hair tie is a torn part of the ribbon#anyways again. yesterday i finally figured out what the rejuvrp is. very cool stuff im so incredibly intrigued by it#i have no idea whats going on! but it looks so cool ill try to read it more later.#oh right again about the rejuvrp thing. the character designs ive seen are so so so cool i want to draw them so bad#i think i have to ask about that first though and there is! no way i am going to do that!!! i do not want to bother them#and i think my heart would explode from the fear of it all before i even typed the message.#that and im very lazy! theres a very good chance i wouldnt even draw it in the first place#anyways unrelated but i think if i get another comment from someone on something i Will Actually Explode.#i see someone said something and it kills me on the daily. what is happening... thank you.. i appreciate it very much...#sorry to whoever read all of that. um. hi youre really cool and i hope you have a good day/night#i think being on twitter has done something to me i have to leave it immediately. anyways back to twitter#wait actually i should go back to playing rejuv. im still in the grove from when i first posted the gym leader melia au. im afraid to leave#also play pokemon rejuvenation no i will not stop saying that everytime i post one of these
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Well.
#(I'm back)#It was. Uhm. A chapter#First of all: I'm ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL to the person who sent me the translation basically as soon as the chapter came out.#I even did like 90% of typesetting but didn't finish it because I had to go out#(aka with my friends were literally knocking out at my room and I couldn't make it any more late lol)#Mixed feelings about it? Mostly because there's so much exposition... I'll need to reread it another three times before it sinks in#The color page is AMAZING 10000000000000/10 I love my sskks so much they're so cute I love them so much they're so cute.#Easily the best part of the chapter.#The color page was? Very very pretty too? Like a lot more than usual if you ask me! I can't wait for the volume cover 🥺🥺#It should come out soon shouldn't it? Usually color spreads / pages open the volume...#Akutagawa fake dying again is funny. Like it isssss but also. Idk it's a little lame how we're changing the pov from ss/kk again :/#I can't even tell if I'm being biased or if it's an actual storytelling critique. I don't care right now I just want to see Akutagawa–#being cool rather than. You know. Dead on the ground.#That said! It's also very funny and touches my sense of humor precisely.#Like yeah Akutagawa being like the second strongest pm member and overall one of the most powerful ability user in the world–#that everyone fears (and I know he is! He is indeed for real!)#And yet he always ends up face to the ground 😂😂😂 Like if we don't count the ss/kk fights he literally only ever won against Hawthorne.#And even then he failed to kill him and Mitchell. It's so funny to me. I love him. He's so pathetic#“Wow! Akutagawa is so cool and invincible now!” *ends up biting the dust not even two chapters later*#It's okay because I love him. He's very very powerful and he's also very very pathetic I love that for him#That said :/ I don't really care about Fukuzawa :/ Idk :/ Like :/#Don't get me wrong I LOVE Fukuzawa (I don't. I'm mostly neutral towards him) but this is the ss/kk moment man :/ Whatchu doin#That's about it. Let's see what the next chapter brings!#Everything accounted for I'm glad there wasn't like. A ss/kk kiss or any other big big ss/kk moment#(although Atsushi admiring Akutagawa and thinking about his eyes has its fair share of neatness to it!!)#Because with everything going on this evening I really would have been let down to miss it#But I keep hope for the next chapters!! Please...#random rambles#Had tons of fun typesetting! Even though I don't think there's a point in posting it now. But would love to do it again in the future!#bsd spoilers
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Hmmm I could post the first chapter of yet another fic I haven’t shared much of
...no, no I should not do that actually I have three million other things I need to finish
#there’s like three things I want to finish before I start anything new#but I haven’t been able to make good progress on them like at all#and meanwhile my brain is going ‘hey hey remember your botw dark Link au’#‘you should rewrite it a bit and post it’ and I’m sitting here screaming because NOOOOO I CAN’T START POSTING ANOTHER FIC#PEOPLE WILL WANT UPDATES AND I’M SLOW AND LAME#aaaaaaaaaaa#rambles from the floor#I didn’t sleep enough last night
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Alright gamers I've been to local cons of two flavors lately, anime and tabletop, and I am already tired of seeing Bloodless stuff at tables otherwise void of gate things. Tis out of place! Ruining the vibe! At least make some other statuses if you're going to yoink things from there!!! Where is Oath Broken huh. Where is Oath Broken. For me.
#this goes on main#I think the tabletop merchant alley was just extra lame because the Queer Tables would be all memes and cutesy games#and they'd be next to tables with older dudes with mutant horror angels and apocalypse fishing#this is honestly embarrassing for us. if I ever see another gay tiefling joke I'm going to become the Joker#are we not more. do we not also have mutant horror angels.#or at least gay aasimar#I know this post reads 'can we please cater to me more.' and it's true that's what it is. please cater to me more <3#I'm owed compensation over every game fucking up aasimar#rambling
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at the end of the day pre-asoiaf content will always be so goddamn boring 😭 like i love it but jesus christ. can we go back to the main timeline. PLEASE
#its like oh fun i like rhaena. oh another crazy targ. but youre just not tyrion youre not daenerys. youre not jon snow....#1am posting#i think the targs arent crazy enough. theres too many normal ones and it is lame to me. im sorry#feeling honest! feeling honest. i can be honest with you guys<3
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Okay these tags on this post reminded me of a HoO/TOA thing that I complain about a lot but I don’t think i’ve ever elaborated on here:
[Image ID: Tags from @fr0zenpepsi reading - “#and jason fUCKING DIES before he even get fixed like #you dont know how excited i was when the diorama thing was mentioned like #make him artistic too!! make him be into architecture too! #and he plays lacrosse???? #like his character has sooo much potential yet hes just a boring white guy :< #thats prolly why his death is pretty lame #it meant a lot to the plot but like do we even know who we lost?? #more than half of the fandom doesnt even like him bc hes just so plain :/ #also hazel is a queen and i love her shes literally the best” /end ID.]
One of the big issues I take with both HoO and TOA is that literally every death in both series feels cheap because death has lost consequence. For the majority of HoO it’s at least somewhat still of a risk, but even things like Tartarus feel extremely lackluster when we actually encounter them - Tartarus especially after we saw how much it affected Nico, but then Percy and Annabeth’s plot armor kind of negates all of the threat and it feels like they don’t actually experience much more than their usual threats down there or that it has any lasting effect on them. And after Leo’s “death” we’re basically solidified into “Death has no consequence” because we just finished a series with at least SIX INSTANCES of major or minor protagonist-aligned characters notably directly cheating or miraculously avoiding death (Jason, Hazel, Gwen, Frank, Jason again, Leo), not including also miscellaneous minor antagonists. Which is aggravating because you can make a “Hey, these characters can’t die!” plot work, especially if that’s the root problem they’re trying to solve! It does work in TLH and SoN! And we’ve even seen it before in Battle of the Labyrinth when Percy fights his half-brother!
But HoO basically nullifies all consequence the characters face from MoA onwards and post-BoO “death” carries no weight, because by this point we have so many excuses to get around it or avoid it or come back from it that who cares! And this continues to be a thing post-TOA! Even just in the plot summary of Chalice Of The Gods we’re introduced to YET ANOTHER “Cheat death!” item! And I’d bet we’re gonna get one in TSATS too cause we’re almost guaranteed to see Damasen again, and the like one singular myth that exists referencing Damasen also specifically mentions an herb called “the flower of Zeus” that can revive things from the dead.
And it’s extra annoying because in TOA we keep getting character deaths shoved in our faces and told we should care about them, but either they’re characters we have little to no emotional connection to (such as, like, All Of Camp Jupiter in Tyrant’s Tomb when the camp is threatened and we’re told we should care, but we’ve barely seen the camp at all besides beginning of Son of Neptune and beginning of Mark of Athena, and the only living characters we get to actually see in Camp Jupiter from before TOA are Gwen, Dakota, Don the Faun, and our HoO protagonists.)
And Jason’s death is particularly annoying because a.) He’s essentially cheated death twice already [Piper bringing him back from either death or near-death when he accidentally witnessed Hera’s true form, and then his whole spear injury that was slowly killing him but was healed with [checks notes] the power of friendship], and b.) the scene DIRECTLY PARALLELS HIS FIGHT WITH MIDAS. Which, you know, he WON. VERY EASILY. And you can’t even argue “oh but this time Piper and Apollo were right there so he couldn’t have done the same thing!” because PIPER AND LEO WERE THERE WITH MIDAS. Heck, so was Lit! Who also survives and comes back in TOA! So not only is there no excuse for Jason to have not somehow miraculously avoided death (alongside every other TOA character, basically), but he SHOULDN’T HAVE DIED IN THE FIRST PLACE because THAT’S NOT A FIGHT HE SHOULD HAVE LOST! Him losing that fight is directly contrary to what we know about his character! And “he shouldn’t have lost that fight and died” doesn’t feel tragic here, it’s just aggravating! It’s just bad writing! And there’s no way around it because nobody cares about characters dying by that point in the series anyways because it doesn’t mean anything! We’ve had too much random death fodder in HoO (like the Hunters) directly alongside characters experiencing little to no consequence when they should from their experiences (Percy & Annabeth in Tartarus, literally every character nearly dying, etc.). The only characters we do see experience any kind of lasting consequences from near-death experiences are Hazel having blackouts in Son of Neptune (which are magically erased by Mark of Athena) and Nico being heavily implied to be permanently physically disabled after Tartarus (which is half-ignored when not plot relevant in TOA and completely ignored in the short story Un Natale Mezzosangue, which gives me reason to suspect it will also be ignored in TSATS). Not to mention Frank’s curse is also randomly erased in Tyrant’s Tomb, which is extra stupid because by following the logic of that scene his curse should have been lost back in Son of Neptune when he freed Thanatos, because he was using his curse for the same exact reasons with the same exact mindset. He literally did his character arc twice. Whatever.
HoO and TOA are just such a mess writing-wise of Rick trying to haphazardly incorporate as many myths as he can with zero attempts at cohesiveness that it doesn’t make any sense (I invite you all to read just the Team Statue chapters of BoO and take a moment to process how absolutely nonsensical it is) and he fails to consider the consequences of including certain myths, both in terms of how their aspects will impact the larger plot and also the historical context behind those myths and if how they’re being applied is offensive.
TL:DR: Jason’s death is stupid from literally every angle and HoO and TOA have a problem with literally any kind of narrative consequence.
#riordanverse#pjo#hoo#heroes of olympus#toa#trials of apollo#jason grace#meta#long post#fr0zenpepsi#sorry to hijack your tags lmao#i just have a lot of thoughts on why Jason's death is lame and i 100% agree with you the fact that we barely *know* Jason is part of it#ergo the same problem in Tyrant's Tomb when we're literally just told we should be sad about all these background death fodder romans#but we've only seen Camp Jupiter like twice up until that point so there's literally no reason for us to be emotionally attached to anything#like. oh nooo CJ's in trouble.... why do we care?#CHB we care about because it's a major setting we see often and we've developed a connection to#if we had another series focusing on just the romans then it'd probably be different and we'd care a *lot* about CJ#but we. don't. so we don't. and putting CJ in any kind of peril is meaningless#not that the peril TOA puts on CHB is actually anything at all either. in Hidden Oracle it's at most the same peril as the desert in TTC#and it gets nullified extremely quickly with even less tragedy. its downright humorous actually. which is almost worse#and then same thing in ToN when the demigods fighting in the building are literally being treated like theyre on a field trip#this is supposed to be the BIG FINAL BATTLE and the forces of CHB are... a bunch of 12 year olds playing?#honestly HoO and TOA almost feel like Rick got scared of actually having CHB be threatened and so turns to humor instead#and so every fight that happens there post-first series feels like it's not being taken seriously#or that it's extremely rushed. or both. and fights involving the majority of camp doesnt actually put the campers in danger#like okay Camp Jupiter gets a zombie apocalypse and tons of death.#CHB? the kids go on a field trip to beat up the Tri's lackeys and nobody gets even seriously injured#besides the characters who arent campers or like. our protagonists get a little thrown around but thats it.
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Anyway I am having a crisis because I realized I’m accidentally just telling a Jo and Laurie story with The Eleven Years of Kang Eun-joo
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#this makes me sad#my memes#memes#south park#south park memes#kyle broflovski#south park kyle broflovski#kyle broflovski south park#kyle with straigh hair makes me want to astro project myswlf to another dimension#(that’s drastic)#i’ve seen fanart of him straightening his hair which isn’t bad to me but#blatantly taking away the curls is just kinda lame#idk man#this is my third post in a row about kyle 😭#i need to stop
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on top of everything else that being exploded and then doused in radiation would probably do to you, sometimes i ponder about how solaris would get by post the death engine incident and think about general health... the sort of stuff that most would consider very basic, or mild.
typically, those who suffer from either bone targeted radiation or full body radiation are incredibly likely to have a very weakened immune system. and i wonder how that must affect solaris' day to day life... inside of zoraxis and out.
does zor have good health insurance? honestly, a part of me doubts it. does she get paid sick leave? i'm not sure how efficient she would be coming into work looking like death warmed over... and how must she be faring post quitting? she lives in the mountains, now... it's cold up there... and if she gets sick all the way up there, there's no one to take care of her but herself
#ieytd#commander solaris#okay i got my pizza. yay. post time.#idk its something else i think about a lot#another change that she would have to adapt to that would be hard for her at first... getting sick so quickly and so violently...#its so... *lame*. catching a cold isn't scary... it isn't threatening...#i guess this would apply to phoenix too but this isn't abt them
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