#another important thing to note here is that keeping the same collaborators does not always mean that you always produce the same work

[erabundus]

@vitreousmortis &&. said... I have stumbled upon your account on Tumblr for as long as I could remember and reading your works truly amaze me. I was hoping to ask if it is alright for me to inquire a bit of your time and ask for some writing advice? Thank you very much!

thank  YOU  so  much,  honestly?  i'm  really  happy  you  enjoy  what  i  post  here  —  i  can't  overstate  how  flattered i am to hear that!  i  love  having  the  opportunity  to  meet  so  many  cool  writers  who  share  a  passion  for  this  niche  little  hobby,  and  i  also  love  knowing  there's  people  out  there  who  genuinely  enjoy  the  stories  we  create  together.  i  just  think  it's  neat  knowing  something  that  makes  you  happy  also  makes  someone  else  happy.  that's  probably  why  i  prefer  roleplay  to  writing  fanfiction  —  i  have  a  lot  of  fun  with  the  interactive  /  collaborative  element.

my  babbling  aside ...  as  far  as  writing  advice  goes,  i  think  the  most  important  part  is  probably  having  the  voice  of  your  character  down  —  and  everything  else  will  sort  of  fall  into  place.  i've  always  been  deeply  fascinated  with  speech  patterns,  vocabulary,  etc  —  i  feel  like  it  really  helps  give  you  a  lot  of  insight  into  how  a  particular  muse  ticks.  i  like  to  read  over  canon  dialogue  often,  and  sometimes  i'll  compare  it  to  my  own  writing  just  to  make  sure  i'm  staying  on  track.  (  i  think  at  this  point  i  could  probably  recite  wanderer's  voice  lines  from  memory.  )  sometimes  i  also  take  it  a  step  further  and  try  to  weave  that  tone  into  the  narration  as  well.  a  lot  of  my  posts  on  this  account  are  rife  with  metaphor  and  a  somewhat  antiquated  vocabulary  and  tend  to  veer  more  towards  the  pessimistic  /  cynical  side  of  things  —  that's  because  it's  all  supposed  to  be  from  ren's  perspective, and that's just how he thinks.  i've  written  other  muses  before  that  are  considerably  less  grim  and  adjusted  how  i  write  accordingly.

on  a  more  technical  note!  another  way  to  make  your  writing  flow  better  is  to  shake  up  your  word  choice  —  avoid  redundancy  like  the  plague.  "the  glass  door  was  made  of  clear  glass,"  sounds  clunky!  i  try  to  reread  everything  at  least  once  before  i  post  it  just  to  make  sure  i  don't  keep  using  the  same  phrases  over  and  over  again.  if  i'm  describing  a  forest,  i  don't  want  to  use  "green"  every  sentence.  if  you're  really  stuck  on  a  particular  word, try googling  synonyms!  rearrange  things  a  little  —  look  over  what  you  have  and  think  about  how  it  flows.  writing  has  a  certain cadence  to  it  the  same  as  speech  does;  that's  why  people  often  recommend  you  recite  what  you've  written  out  loud.  

in  a  similar  vein,  i  also  like  to  break  up  dialogue.  having  a  muse  blurt  out  a  whole  paragraph  of  text  can  be  a  chore  to  read  through.  even  if  it's  a  very  speech-heavy  scene,  there's  still  ways  to  make  it  a  bit  less  bland  while  doubling  as  a  way  to  better  flesh  out  the  character.  what  are  they  thinking?  what  is  their  body  language  like?  their  tone?  if  you  want  to  go  even  further  with  it,  everyone  has  their  own  quirks;  do  they  have  any  particular  habits  they  fall  into  under  certain  circumstances?  biting nails, fidgeting, etc? to use him as an example ( again, oops ) ren  tends  to  hide  his  face  when  he's  upset  or  feeling uncomfortable. it gives me a lot of room to play around with — how does his behavior change if he doesn't have his hat? removing it can be used as a visual metaphor for him allowing himself to be vulnerable around someone else ... and so on.

also,  it  may  be  something  of  a  cliché,  but  practice  genuinely  does  help!  i  started  writing  on  tumblr  ages  ago,  and  the  difference  is  like  night  and  day.  keep  at  it,  and  you'll  eventually  find  your  style.

i hope this was useful!

[sanstropfremir]

With the latest bp album dropping today and seeing that nothing has changed the last two years, I’m curious if you can help me understand why I find it all so….mediocre. I can tell that part of it is the effect you’ve brought up with Hybe of too much money smoothing out all character. I also feel like this is a case where keeping the same collaborators has meant doing the same song with tiny changes 5 times, unlike a lot of other groups where they still have variety while keeping a more consistent overall identity. But they feel very bland in a different way than hybe groups do, and I can’t put my finger on why.

nothing blackpink does has a concept.

well, that's mildly facetious: their concepts are 'what if we were cool and influencers and most importantly GIRLS', and that's a non-entity at this point. visually, none of that means anything and all of it is indistinguishable from each other.

i think this is a great question to illustrate exactly why spectacle (the form) is not as simple as slapping together the most bombastic set pieces and ideas you can think of and calling it a day. in order to make good spectacle, you have to put just as much work in as you do with any other type of art. your ideas have to be grounded in a visual logic that drives the entire world you create: sets, costumes, lighting, even text and sound all have to be interlinked, to communicate with each other.

since it's also on everyone's minds right now, let's use nct 127 as an example. specifically, let's use 2 baddies and sticker. both of these mvs superficially carry the same basic visual ideas: there's very bright and highly saturated colouring and a lot of neon, there's a car, and there's a lot of highly decorated costuming. but each of these mvs have highly specific themes and concepts in which they ground both these more general principles.

sticker draws a direct comparative between the old west and the aestheticized neo(n) techno future that has a basis in science fiction and techno orientalism, and within that comparative there's a line drawn between hackers and cowboys, as figures that operate outside of the law on their own moral codes. throwing in the lowrider is another connection to operating outside the law, as lowriders can only be created via modding/customization and the mods themselves are technically illegal. one can pick apart several different meanings from sticker however they desire, but my point is here that the concept has a context and logic. the imagery and production design are all based around that specific theme, and the styling is uses very obvious markers from cowboy/western fashion to further drive the point home.

and 2 baddies. oh there are some LAYERS to 2 baddies. firstly, one of the main visual motifs is geometric art deco style patterning, which is an arts and design movement that started in the mid 1920s and continued up until around the 40s. this movement did not just impact visual arts, but it also heavily impacted commercial and industrial design, which included both architecture (famously, the chrysler building) and, very notably: cars. this era is the boom of the automobile and the art deco movement in particular produced some of THE most beautiful cars of all time, including:

the bugatti aerolithe

the delahaye 177 rs

the delahaye 165 cabriolet

and one of my personal favourites, the phantom corsair

you know who else was designing cars in the 1930s and 40s? porsche:

the porsche type 12, 1931

the porsche 356 no. 1, 1948

and just as an extra fun lil detail, in the chorus of the actual song, there's a sample of a vintage car horn (it's right after the line 'don and manner'), which is the horn of a ford model a, which was ford's second model that replaced the model t, the car that popularized driving. and when was the model a produced?

and like with sticker, the styling draws directly from the clothing associated with concept, as it has very distinctive visual signifiers. we haven't seen any of the stages yet but i'm willing to bet that most of the styling is going to be based around motorsport gear. this goes across the board for pretty much every 127 styling: it is very obvious which era a performance is from just by looking at the costumes, because they use those very distinctive unified visual signifiers.

now, can you do this with a blackpink cb? name me a significant visual difference between any of their mvs. any of their stylings. all their mvs are colour graded the same, they reuse the same general imagery, there's no coherent theme holding anything together, and all their outfits are typical heightened kpop girl group. using just pure bombast works once or twice, but like as we've seen with their music, when you reuse the same imagery over and over again it loses impact. there's no spark. it gets boring.

[galaxy-of-hair]

meditations on nandor's love affair with humanity:

this is a long, long, self indulgent one

i wish i knew more about the way nandor was turned. i doubt it was anything like laszlo's experience, or even nadja's (who hasn't said much on the subject either, other than to wax poetic about the affair she enjoyed with her sire sometime afterward).

i imagine it was just another awful rise to power that left him more alienated and alone than before, just as all his other rises to power had. i imagine it was terrible and frightening and painful and confusing. i don't imagine his sire stuck around, or if they did, they weren't pleasant company, because he's never mentioned them, and he's got a tendency to gloss over and glamorize things that are painful, or unpleasant for him, or embarrassing in hindsight.

there was a post a while back from @walkwithursus that started up something on the back burner of my brain that’s really starting to percolate now. here’s an excerpt:

Nadja tells the camera “I had completely forgotten that when a human takes a mate, the mate keeps growing and changing and aging.” This got me thinking. I wonder if Nandor ever feels that way about Guillermo. The Guillermo he met eleven years ago is most certainly not the same one he knows today. (via @walkwithursus) 

and like, wow, listen. i think this is a phenomenal point. but where op and i differ is that i think he loves that about humans. i think he craves that about humans. i think he envies that about humans.

nandor doesn’t seem to have vampire friends other than his roommates, but he does seem to hang out with and get attached to humans an awful lot (for a vampire). even asks some of them to marry him. the other vampires say he was a great man in life, but as a vampire he’s...just ok. like he never really managed to find his groove after the turn, never really took to being undead. he joined a cult where VAMPIRES pretended to be HUMAN for fuck’s sake.

when folks ask him to turn them, he gets mad and weird about it.

the charitable opinion as to why nandor didn’t want to turn guillermo was because of his weapons grade abandonment issues (relatable) and his belief that their relationship is transactional. he was scared that guillermo would leave if he gave him what he wanted, and that’s why he wouldn’t turn him.

the less charitable opinion has been along the lines of: he’s lazy and selfish and is just using these humans for their labor, so he tells them what they want to hear to keep them working but never intended to turn them in the first place.

i always felt it was a complicated mix of these things. now i’m not so sure.

the way i write meta and the reason i write meta is primarily for myself. i’ve always done this, but usually i just save it to a google doc and go on about my business. when i watch media, if it’s well written enough and complex enough, i don’t get it right away, especially if the actors are making interesting choices. i understand most of it, but some things stick in my brain like burs.

and i think, why did that happen like that? why did they say it that way? that piece doesn’t fit with what i think i know about this story and these characters. that must mean i’m missing something. and if i take note of it and keep coming back to it, i’ll eventually see how it fits. so i write meta to pick the burs out.

the idea i’m nailing down today might seem kind of ‘duh’ to yall, idk, i never can tell when i’m stating the obvious (i’m autistic so even the obvious isn’t always obvious to me), but it’s important to me because it’s gonna address several burs that have been chafing for a while, in one fell swoop.

two such burs occur in the same episode: s02e08 Collaboration. i was vexed particularly and specifically by The Breakup Scene, and The Benji Situation.

The Breakup Scene is especially devastating for me. we are blessed with kayvan novak, who, while staying totally in-character, chose to play that scene completely straight. it is a heart wrenching performance. i have a hard time watching it. [you-can-actually-pinpoint-the-second-his-heart-rips-in-half.jpg]

i worked through some stuff by writing about and diving into nandor’s thought process during that conversation, because i got stuck on his 'you should take the offer’ reaction, and afterward for the most part i thought i had it figured out. then i re-watched it and i got stuck again! this time on his reaction to guillermo asking to be turned.

he gets angry. so i watch it again, looking for nuance. he’s definitely angry, but like, a righteous anger? like he thinks his incredulity is justified? he fully pauses and stares for a beat, and it’s one of the few times we see nandor drop his mask of silliness. he becomes gravely serious and acts like he’s been betrayed. it’s one of (at least) three scenes in Collaboration where kayvan is Doing An Acting Thing™ that (i think?) is meant to be noticed, and i notice it but i don’t get it, and i once again i emerge from that scene riddled with burs, because what does he have to be angry about? why is he so personally affronted by the idea of turning guillermo when he’s the one who promised to do so in the first place? why does the idea of keeping that promise bother him enough to try and avoid talking about it all together?

The Benji Situation. what the fuck was going on with the benji situation? this one really bothered me because it did not seem to fit any established logic for nandor to turn this man in the end. after all that? he wiped his memory and dumped him in a rest stop because he kept annoying him about being turned? and then he just turned him anyway?

i even googled ‘why nandor turn benji reddit’ in a fit of pique. the best answer i could find was the same thing i had originally hypothesized while grasping at straws: he wanted guillermo back and wanted benji gone, so he just gave benji what he wanted, and lied to guillermo about it so that he wouldn’t get mad at nandor for turning someone who wasn’t him. which i hated as an explanation. if nandor was willing to turn people to get them to go away and stop pestering him, why not just turn benji when he asked before? why the added cruelty of wiping his mind and ditching him?  

and that’s the key i think. a lot of this stuff bothered me because i assumed that these were shitty, careless, needlessly cruel things that nandor was doing, for seemingly very trivial reasons. that’s the way they are framed in the documentary made by humans, for humans, and that’s the way they are framed by nandor. he (always) wants you to assume the worst about his motivations. he’s got a reputation to protect i guess.

when benji says, ‘don’t feel bad for me,’ and nandor says, ‘i don’t,’ with a pained grimace, i assumed he meant that he doesn’t give a shit about benji and that after he dumped him he never spared him a second thought. i think what he really meant was,

‘there’s nothing to pity you for. you lived a full life, you found love, you got to raise your kids, and meet your grandkids, you got to grow and learn and change, you played golf, you walked in the sun. you lived. i don’t feel bad about any of it. i envy you.’

when guillermo walks away, tears rolling down his cheeks, and nandor mutters, ‘you’re being stupid,’ i assumed that because he was hurt that guillermo was leaving, he was throwing a tantrum, implying that he would regret turning his back on such a sweet deal in favor of someone else who surely wouldn’t treat him as well. i didn’t know if he was being manipulative or delusional or what. but now i think what he really meant was,

‘you’re throwing your whole life away. you’re in such a hurry to lose so much. once it’s gone, you can never get it back. can’t you see i’m trying to save you from yourself? like i did with benji? can’t you see i’m trying to spare you an eternity of regret? you’re being reckless. you’re being ungrateful for the Life you can still have. you don’t have anything else you want to become before you’re stuck like this forever? you’re being stupid.’ 

when guillermo asks, ‘when are you gonna turn me,’ and nandor stares, betrayed, incredulous, and barks, ‘are you shitting me with this right now?’ and runs away to the other side of the room, i assumed he was frustrated that he was being held to his promises because, at best, he didn’t want to lose guillermo, and at worst, it was inconvenient and annoying. i assumed that he never actually intended to turn either benji or guillermo, due to some kind of bizarre classist notion that servants are servants and cannot pass into the realm of their masters. when really i think he meant,

‘why would you ask me to do that to you? how could you ask me to do that to you, even after learning of benji? even after hearing about the Life he got to have? why is everyone in such a rush to die? and why are you all putting it on my shoulders? why do you think i want your blood on my hands?! why should it be my responsibility?’

another bur that bothered me was that i never knew whether i should take nandor’s speech about vampirism being a curse at face value. because he was depressed, yes, but also because it didn’t seem to fit with what he’d done and said in the past. so i made a note of it and tried to figure out what i was missing.

and that’s where the post i quoted earlier comes in, because it got me thinking about some of the practical differences between vampires and humans...from a vampire’s point of view. it got me thinking about how nandor feels about humans and humanity. and like. he talks a lot of shit. he’s always putting down humans, and talking about how great vampires are.

maybe he does that because he has a tendency to gloss over and glamorize things that are painful, and if he says out loud often enough that being a human isn’t desirable and that being a vampire is awesome, maybe he’ll start to believe it himself. maybe he’ll be able to pretend it’s true, just for a few hours at a time.

and maybe for those few hours it’ll hurt less: that his kids shrieked in fear at the sight of him, that he lives in the dark, that he eats people, that he forgets things, that he’ll never grow old with someone he loves, that he’ll never grow at all. that he’s stuck like this, exactly like this-- forever. that some terrible creature saw him and all his evil deeds and said, this one, this one needs to be punished, and then pinned him in place like a butterfly on a board, doomed to watch all of time march on without him. a part, yet still apart. just human enough to remember what it was like. just human enough that he’ll always know what he’s missing.       

(this is a post from @give-me-a-minute-to-think that made my whole fucking heart explode and captures vampiric existential dread in a very visceral way, good luck)

so when he gets close to a human, it’s a little scary, but it’s a little exciting too. there’s a thrill of uncertainty in the potential to undergo change. sometimes the change is big, sudden. but usually it’s many small changes, all the time. if you’ve ever watched mushrooms in time-lapse, i imagine it’s like that. constant motion, pulsating with life and possibility and purpose.

and then these people that he’s watched grow and change and become, they come to him and say, will you please put an end to all that? will you snuff me out? will you pin me in place where i stand? will you do to me what was done to you? will you make sure this is the last time i ever change?

and benji? benji was at the end of his mortal life. he was going to die soon, so turning benji was just giving him an extension on the very full life he’d already led, more time to enjoy what he’d built.

and gail? she was older too, she had a daughter, she’d had a life. but mostly, nandor turned her because she pulled a humpty-dumpty and got her head cracked open like an egg during a game of twilight kickball. again, an extension on a life that was about to end.

and guillermo. i think the thing that changed nandor’s mind about guillermo was finding out that he’s a slayer by birth. he realized that guillermo was never gonna be like benji or gail. there was never going to be any life for him outside the world of vampires, because he was never an outsider. nandor’s world is his world. he was always going to end up here, it’s in his blood, it’s in his heart. it’s where he belongs.

and if he’s destined to live in the darkness anyway, then nandor should be the one to do the honors. if it must be done, if someone has to pin guillermo in place for all time, it should be the one who cared enough to say no for twelve years who finally gets to say yes.      

tl;dr - nandor was never more honest with guillermo than when he told him that vampirism is a curse, and he didn’t want to do that to him. because he thinks humanity is neat.

[heart-stomper]

Unspoken Trust, Unspoken Fears

Gathering my thoughts on Sasha and Marcy’s dynamic before S3 proves me wrong shows us what’s going on with these two.

It’s time to look at The Dinner and Battle of the Bands, and then use it as a guide to read the room in True Colors.

No worries! You just gotta speak their language. - Sasha, Reunion

Or in this case, know when to stay quiet. 

Sasha gets really really frustrated this episode. Like, so bad, that if that Volcakeno didn’t erupt, she might have been the one to end the friendship. Even Marcy and Grime couldn’t calm her down. But that’s the thing, before this point, they were the only ones to get through to Sasha without provoking her.

Grime keeps Sasha in line; she rolls her eyes and is clearly annoyed every time she has to hold herself back, but her willingness to keep it cool shows she ultimately agrees with Grime’s plan and sees it as the best path to success.  When Marcy chimes in, it’s with a helpful answer to Sasha’s question. She reminds Sasha of why they stopped Doing Thing by explaining how their plan failed. She avoids judging Sasha for it, and frames it as the repercussions of their actions, as a group. Marcy is on Sasha’s side, so Sasha doesn’t put up any defenses. When Sasha decides to avoid arguing with Anne however, it isn’t for Anne. It’s for the plan, for her and Grime.

Marcy has enough faith in Sasha to believe she’d never want to purposefully hurt Anne, but is careful about broaching the subject. Sasha feels attacked very easily, and will quickly trivialize or downplay things if she feels the other person is being unreasonable or doesn’t ‘get’ her.

And that is the only time Marcy speaks up besides The Big Argument. She only jumps into actual conflicts if things get too heated. Otherwise, she just lets Sasha do her thing, and lets Anne argue with Sasha... sort of.

This isn’t collaboration. It’s a hostile takeover. Why do things always have to be your way?

Now, for the bait and switch. Let’s talk about Marcy’s behavior in Day at the Aquarium and New Wartwood, and Sasha’s in Toadcatcher and Barrel’s Warhammer… while tying it all back to Battle of Bands!

You didn’t tell me you were writing a song! Let’s do it! I mean, if that’s okay with you, Sasha.

In A Day at the Aquarium, Marcy’s first instinct to Anne saying she’s going back with the Plantars is to make a plan. To show that it isn’t actually what will benefit Anne’s Goals. She doesn’t even consider opening up as an option, and avoids saying anything that could cause conflict. New Wartwood, Marcy tries to chat with the citizens of Wartwood and get to know them. But when that doesn’t work, she decides that impressing them with her knowledge and usefulness is bound to make them like her. It has to.

It does seem simpler.

Trying to win people over by claiming a plan is of mutual interest and necessary, carefully choosing which words to use, viewing relationships as a puzzle to be solved… this isn’t the sort of thing Marcy needs to do to get along with someone like Anne. It’s how Marcy copes with Sasha. Sasha lashes out and belittles bad ideas. Sasha has to be convinced the plan benefits her, suits her. Vulnerability and love aren’t enough to make her care, so Marcy does what she can to prove she’s worth being around. She might even sometimes wonder if Sasha actually likes her, or just likes what she can do for her. She rather not find out.

Whenever she’s afraid of people not liking her, or is worried that she’ll lose them, she dives right into those bad habits. She can give her opinions, but they aren’t supposed to get in the way of what Sasha wants. She’s supposed to say “That’s amazing! What do you think Sash’?” not “Let’s do it!”

Listen. There’s another reason why I’ve been training so hard. To protect the one person I know I can count on right now. You. You’re right, I already lost one friend. I’m not about to lose another. - Sasha, Toadcatcher

In Toadcatcher, there’s that scene, where Sasha looks at the BFF picture and the wind cuts off Anne for a second so it’s just her and Marcy. This is where Sasha is at. Anne might have rebelled, but when Sasha reunites with Marcy? Oh, she’ll show Anne, one way or another. They’ll get her back (like, joining the team or revenge wise, depending on Sasha’s mood.)

Listen here you buffoon! What’s it gonna take to prove that you should follow us? - Barrel’s Warhammer

Aaaand Sasha freaks out royally when she learns the two are alone together and doing just fine. On some level, she fears Anne and Marcy “getting along without her” because it means they might decide they don’t actually need her to make plans; that she isn’t necessary to have fun. In the The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers, we see that isn’t as big a catastrophe as Sasha seems to think it’d be. As time goes on, the girls do gain a healthier relationship to their feelings about Sasha, but that doesn’t mean they’d want her gone even if they don’t need her there. But Sasha doesn’t know that, she doesn’t even consider it till reuniting in The Third Temple. All she knows for now, is that she can be a bit... much... so if she isn’t in control, if her way isn’t “the best”, why would Marcy put up with her either? 

Listen. If things get too wild out here, just give me a signal and I’ll call the whole thing off. 

 For sure, teach it to us Anne. 

Every Sasha plan starts with an empty reassurance. So much of Sasha’s dialogue follows a pattern where she says stuff like “we’ll call it off” (she did not call it off) and “for sure, I don’t mind” (she did mind) that it could be it’s own game. Sasha talks the talk, until it gets in the way of what she wants.

Sorry guys, but we’re way to close to bail. I am not going back empty-handed.

It’s good. I just have a few tiny notes that I think could make it even better. ... Boom! Fiixed it! 

If they just follow her lead and let her fix it, everything will work out. They should believe in her and trust her. After all...

That’s not true! Besides, we did it. ... You’re not actually gonna throw this all away are you?

I just wanted all of us to succeed. I was just being a good friend. Why couldn’t they see that?

It all worked out, right? Percy and Braddock made it out okay even if she didn’t follow through on her promise. They won, she’s reliable. But of course, Sasha lost something more important than their belief in her abilities, she lost their trust. In Battle of the Bands however, Sasha recognizes that Anne and Marcy don’t want to follow her ambitions and will be pushed away by them just like Percy and Braddock were. So she takes it upon herself to end things, accepting that she’s lost.

Sorry it took so long.

Except this time, she manages to realize that maybe “what she wants” is to be there for her friends. Sasha’s finally had the space to relax and really think about what she wants, at least a little. This isn’t a real battle after all. Doing things her way all the time isn’t as important as she thought. Maybe she should trust in her friends more. A change of pace isn’t “wrong”, just different. It’s fun.

Sorry we lost, Sash’.

Just like Percy and Braddock, Marcy knows Sasha is capable. She understands that Sasha just wants the team to succeed. That’s why she apologizes when Grime beats them in the competition. She wants Sasha to know she appreciates what she did, but keeps it a bit indirect. She gets Sasha probably didn’t want to push them away. Marcy tried to catch herself and back Sasha up, but when Sasha had her argument with Anne, she stayed quiet. She couldn’t bring herself to go against Anne. 

That was ultimately for the best, as Sasha learned a valuable lesson. Except... She’s in too deep with the rebellion to back out now. This is the episode she’d spill the truth and give up on the whole thing, except... Grime. A part of her knows leaving would make Grime her enemy. She can’t risk that. So, she keeps going with the plan. She decides she’ll somehow win it all back. Because the thing she’s actually most afraid of, is losing another friend. 

Sorry things got a little crazy back there. You guys good? ... Sheesh, don’t be a sore loser. Look, I’m gonna stay here and get this toad regime off the ground, but I can totally send you two home if you want. Or, you can stick around and give me a hand! So what’d’ya say?

Sasha’s final offer; the last chance she’s giving the girls to stop acting weird and go back to being her obedient friends who do what she wants. Sasha lost at Toad Tower, but now she’s won. So Anne should go back to normal, she’s supposed to, like some unspoken “rule”.

And Marcy is supposed fall back in line too. The offer and apology are just as much a plea directed at her. Sasha’s trying to be generous, in her own awkward way. She has bit her tongue so far. She’s thrown a temper tantrum or two, but she hasn’t been this forward in asking Marcy for help till now. She wants Marcy to say that everything’s okay. Make it clear she doesn’t think she’s the bad guy, and that she forgives her and wants to be there for her. That they’re on the same page again. She wants Marcy to help make Anne look overly dramatic and silly for making such a big deal of all this. Sure, if Anne figures that out by herself, that’d be great, but if Marcy could just speak up.

But she doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t.

Marcy’s too busy worrying about Anne’s reaction. Knowing that she’ll be upset about this. She doesn’t dare side with Sasha, and is disappointed and betrayed that she actually did something like this. Marcy already has her own secret plans, so when she finally tries to calm things down, all she can give is a non-descript “we can still fix this”. And then, she’s once again shocked when she sees Sasha threaten Anne and the Plantars. Seeing Sasha act so willing to actually hurt people rather than just push them around... it finally hits her just how serious “tried to kill them” was. And of course, losing Anne or being sent home with her would completely mess up her own plans.

Sasha’s isn’t a vulnerable person. She’ll go on about loving her friends if it makes her look good, but she actively avoids doing anything that could be seen as “weak”. She wouldn’t dare ask Marcy to drop Anne and choose her. If Marcy isn’t speaking up, she can take the hint. She still isn’t on her side, and so she gets sent to the dungeon along with the rest of them.

Marcy accepts that Sasha has become an obstacle, but a part of her still hopes the three of them can work through all this. If they do things her way, nobody has to get hurt. She'll figure out a way hold everything together, fix everything, like always.

And then Andrias betrays her.

Yeah, what plan?

Sasha stops talking once she realizes what’s going on. Quietly fuming as Marcy explains herself. The music box, the suggestion to take it back to Andrias... that wasn’t Marcy being the sweet, supportive friend who Sasha thought she could always rely on, who believed in her... that was Marcy using her. It was never going to become their plan; Marcy never trusted her and was actively working against her. Sasha lost Anne, and she never had a chance at getting Marcy back, either. 

Sasha smacks Marcy away when she desperately tries to justify herself. She doesn’t want to hear it anymore. She’s furious that Marcy thinks they could be friends after something like this, after she’s manipulated them and claimed it was for their sakes. This whole time, her goal had been avoiding the move with her parents. And coming here has only torn them apart even worse.

Marcy reaches out to both girls. And when Sasha rejects her, she clings to Anne, hoping at least she’ll find it in her to forgive her. That she’ll understand she cares about them even if she messed up. Marcy knows they’d probably never pick her over their families or ambitions, so she told herself this place offered those things too. Made them all better people. But as she says her excuses out loud, she can’t find a single one that feels right. She was just afraid of losing them, and now, she’s managed to hurt them on top of that. 

But the thing is. After all that. Despite how betrayed and hurt and angry Sasha was, she looks like this:

Sasha realizes this must be exactly how Anne felt about her betrayal. It isn’t just an abstract “hurt” or “bad thing” anymore. She can also sympathize with how Marcy feels and why she did it, at least a little. She can’t imagine being able to forgive this, and yet... when she looks to Anne with that apologetic look, she isn’t just hoping Anne will forgive her. She’s also asking for permission to forgive Marcy. Pleading that they all still have a chance to move past this together.

[sailorsero]

nothin’ else like this - nsfw

author: claire (@sailorsero​) ship: solo adult bakugou katsuki, dash of adult bakugou x gender neutral reader, side adult kaminari denki x adult shinsou hitoshi prompt/genre: birthday & food kink themed solo play wordcount: 2887 warnings: explicit sexual content, swearing, kink, food fetish/food kink/sploshing a/n: • written for the Bakugou’s Birthday Bash Collaboration - check out the masterlist to see everyone elses!) • shoutout to @foolishfortuna who is writing an amazing food fetish kiribaku that inspired me to write this kink • i do not give permission for this (or any of my writing) to be reposted, by anyone, on this or any other website. please don’t do it! • title from ‘birthday cake’ by rihanna

nothin’ else like this *** pinkyofficial • HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BLASTIEST BOY IN THE GALAXY!!! @explosiongoddynamight LOVE YOU!!! 💥🧡🍹🎂😘 CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU AND GET TURNT WITH MAH BOYSSS!!! BAKUSQUAD BABY!!! 👬🧍‍♀️👬 GO TELL DYNAMIGHT HAPPT BIRTHDAY Y’ALL!!! #dynamight #pinky #birthdaybitch

its_cellophane: happt birthday @explosiongoddynamight pinkyofficial: @its_cellophane suddenly we’re a squad of 4 #cellowho theredriot: Look at us 🥺 can’t wait to celebrate together, love you guys!!! happy birthday bro @explosiongoddynamight ♥️ chargebolt: But can we get #birthdaybitch trending tho?? 🤔

Bakugou tutted, flicking through the photos Mina had posted to Instagram. One from last years Hero Gala, with Tweedle Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest crowded into his personal space - all smiles, suits and champagne flutes. A post-graduation selfie with the woman herself, where he felt so triumphant at moving onto the next stage of his quest to become #1, that he hadn’t even objected to the filter that gave them huge eyelashes and bear ears. A couple from their most recent meetups, candids from their school days (mostly taken without his knowledge, let alone permission; the only one that he was posing for featured a double middle finger that had set Iida off for a good fifteen minutes), one from a photoshoot his publicist had strong armed him into and his friends had christened ‘The Great Bakugou Thirst Trap of 2020’.

Bakugou did not consider himself a sentimental person, or someone who placed a great deal of importance on his own birthday; he hadn’t even made any fuss when you told him you were needed in Osaka for a mission that would take you away two days before he turned 24.

But he couldn’t help but go back to the first photo of the bunch, allowing himself a soft smile he would deny under oath.

His 17th birthday, his first birthday with - ugh - real friends. He remembered rolling his eyes when Racoon Eyes had given her blindingly pink phone to the waitress, yelling at Sparky and Tape Face when they’d shoved themselves into the same side of the booth as the rest of them, growling when Shitty Hair had told him to ‘say ‘cheese’, Bakubro!’.

They all looked so young, pre-undercuts and piercings and late teenage growth spurts. He’d have to remember the (very secret) happiness that night had brought him next time Kirishima annoyed him by stepping mud into his carpet or Kaminari pissed him off by opening his big fat mouth.

Bakugou was drawn from his thoughts by knocking on his office door. Knocking that started out strong for the first hit, dropping noticeably into something more tentative for the rest; probably once they remembered whose door they were knocking on. Kirishima had once told him that the interns drew straws on who had to ‘rattle the beast’s cage’ (interact with Bakugou). He’d know; that idiot had been rattling Bakugou’s cage 25/8 since their first year at Yuuei.

“Come in!”

The door opened far enough for an assistant who had already been by this morning with a sack of birthday cards mixed in with regular fan mail to poke their head through the gap.

“Mr Dynamight, Sir, there’s another delivery for you.”

Bakugou nodded, leaning back in his leather desk chair and stretching out his back. Damn paperwork day, and on his birthday. Fuck, was 24 the age your back started aching from sitting in a goddamn chair?!

The assistant continued as they approached the desk, despite the fact that Bakugou didn’t fucking ask.

“It’s a cake, from a lovely bakery downtown; a delivery person just dropped it off. Their cakes are exquisite, by all accounts.”

They stepped back from the desk once the baby blue box was securely placed down, a white satin ribbon wound expertly around it. An embossed logo Bakugou recognised shone under the overhead light.

The blonde’s quirk made short work of the ribbon, burning it idly with one hand so the rest could be severed with ease.

Bakugou flipped the lid of the box up, letting it fall fully open so he could inspect the contents. He blinked. He blinked again.

It was a cake. A strawberry shortcake, slathered with cream and fresh fruit, and perfectly placed in the centre was a chocolate disc with immaculately piped words.

♡ HAPPY BIRTHDAY DYNAMIGHT ♡

“It’s from your fanclub!”

He let his eyes drift back up to the assistant, who - from what Bakugou could infer from the overly positive, cheery tone he was using - clearly thought Bakugou was seconds away from blasting the expensive gateau across his office, and was trying to avert having to call the janitorial staff back up to this floor. He understood; unbridled, perhaps not-always-reasonable rage was kind of his brand, and the cleaners had already had to make a return journey today after Kaminari had set off several sprinklers making toast.

A cake. Yes, a cake. From his fanclub. A cake from his fanclub. That he was definitely going to eat and nothing else, nothing weird! A cake for him to eat. At home. In private. As soon as possible.

“That’s-” He cleared his throat and tried again. “That’s...great. It looks delicious...yes. Thanks. That’s all. You can...go.”

The assistant looked like they were struggling to process the combination of words that had just left Bakugou, but he was pleased when they decided to take this struggle on the road and left his office with a rushed “Yes, Mr Dynamight, Sir, thank you, you are welcome, good bye!” and the click of the office door.

Bakugou barely had time to drag his fingers through his hair, letting out a breath he had apparently been holding since he’d spoken, before the door opened again.

“Knock knock!” “You know he says it doesn’t count if you say it instead of doing it, especially if you’ve already open- Denki!”

Bakugou groaned as Kaminari shot across the room, peering into the still-open box on the desk. “Ooh, that looks amazing, bro! Can I have some?”

“Hey, Kats! Happy birthday, man!” Kirishima beamed at him before dropping his gaze to the cake Kaminari was currently eyefucking. Bakugou slid the box an inch or two closer to himself. He steadfastly ignored the other blonde’s question.

“Thanks, Ei. What’s Dunce Face doing here - world’s worst birthday present?”

Kirishima snorted, clapping Kaminari on the shoulder. “Ran into him a few blocks away on our patrols; figured we’d catch you now to say ‘happy birthday’ on the actual day instead of waiting for Saturday!”

Kaminari brought out what he probably considered the big guns; his finger guns, that he did for literally everything. “Happy birthday, Blasty! Speaking of your birthday, where did the cake come from? Sent with luuurve from Osaka? Although, that would be weird because you don’t even really like sweets and this won’t keep until Saturday when we get togeth-“

“It’s from my fanclub, Pikachu, and keep your staticky hands off my cake!” Bakugou flipped the lid back down, shielding the cake from view.

“Man, don’t be like that - there’s no way you’re gonna be able to eat all that by yourself!” Kaminari whined.

“Relax, Denks - you know Y/N has a cake ordered for Bakubro’s Belated Birthday Blowout!” Kirishima patted his back consolingly.

“I really wish you’d all stop calling it that. God, letting you guys have their number was a fucking mistake.”

Kaminari looked thoughtful; it was terrifying. “You know, I heard, one time, a hero got given a homemade cake by a fan, and when they took a bite of it, they realised they had a mouth full of the fan’s pubic hair!”

“Dude!” “What the everloving fuck, Dunce Face?!”

Kaminari just beamed, apparently proud of himself for making Bakugou question his life on the anniversary of his birth.

“Firstly, does this cake look fucking homemade to you? Secondly, where the fuck did you read that? ‘Disgusting Stories for Stupid Fucking Idiots Monthly’?”

Kaminari shrugged, nonplussed. “Sero told me.”

“Yes, then. Same thing, pretty much.”

Kirishima interrupted, looking thoughtful. “If you think Bakubro’s cake is full of pubes, why do you want to eat it?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had a mouthful of pubes, bro! ‘Toshi’s more of an au naturel kind of guy…”

Bakugou saw Kirishima’s (painful looking) thinking face intensify, and intervened immediately. “Ei, do not pull at this thread. He-“ Bakugou punctuated with a harsh jab towards the electric hero. “- has told us several times that he’s had Mindfucker’s dirty feet in his mouth before, not to mention all the bodily fluids, and then there’s all the disgusting public places they’ve fucked, and-“

“Don’t kinkshame me, bruh!” Kaminari cut in, sounding lowkey offended, but Bakugou noted the look of pride from before hadn’t diminished, even a little bit.

Bakugou snorted. He constantly shamed Kaminari and his walking corpse of a boyfriend, but that was because they were shamelessly disgusting oversharing nymphomaniacs and someone had to do it. Preferably before one of them creamed their pants in a karaoke bar again. That was Shinkami shaming, not kinkshaming.

He definitely had no room to kinkshame people; not with the plans he had for this cake.

***

Bakugou slammed the door to his apartment shut with his hip and laid the bakery box down on the side table so he could make quick work of his boots and jacket.

God, that had to have been the longest taxi ride of his life. He couldn’t risk the subway with such a precious cargo, so he’d had to sit in the back of the cab next to the box (that he’d had to resist the urge to belt in) and sweat in silence.

Bakugou didn’t know where this kink had come from - maybe he’d watched too much Food Network in his formative years, or passing by the bakery with the amazing smell opposite his junior high school twice a day for three years before going home to jerk it had warped his sexuality; all he knew was, he was gonna fuck this cake.

It was a shame that you were miles and miles away and unavailable for a Facetime like no other; introducing you to his kink had been one of the best weekends of his life, and he was pretty sure - if he knows you as well as he thinks he does - you’d placed an order for two birthday cakes for his belated celebrations.

Maybe you’d got other stuff in mind, too - pie, custard, ice cream, syrups, chocolate, sushi, spaghetti, fruit…and now he was half-hard, still fully dressed and standing in the hallway.

Well, you weren’t here now, but it was his birthday, dammit! He would just have to play alone, and send you some photos afterwards.

Bakugou seized the box and made quick strides until he could place it down on his bedside table.

The comforter flew off of the bed, pooling into a lavish lump on the floor right before the pillows landed one by one on top. The undersheet was last, leaving the rubber sheet beneath exposed to one of the only two people who knew it was there in the first place.

The box made its final move to the middle of the protected mattress, where Bakugou tilted it just enough to be able to coax the cake free with help from gravity and without getting it all over his hands. Not yet…

Bakugou made short work of his clothes, kicking his pants and briefs off impatiently a second before climbing onto the bed and kneeling beside his prize.

Normally, he’d take his time, play around more, have more of a plan, but today, the anticipation had him on a knife edge already. It had been nearly four hours since he’d unwrapped this gift, and he was dying to play with it.

Bakugou leant his knees spread apart, sinking into a squat so he was as close as he could get to his treat.

He was fully hard now, and gave his cock a couple of quick pumps, letting his fist settle loosely from the base down as he took a deep breath and brought his leaking tip to the side of the cake.

His breath left him in a quick rush when the first contact was made; the cream was on the cooler side, and the smooth finish of the outside of the cake was everything he had been missing since he’d last indulged himself like this.

It took all the self control Bakugou had to only push the head in, then pause and take a breath, focusing intently on every sensation as he pushed in as slowly as was physically possible.

The afternoon of waiting felt like edging, so the sensation against his cock, inch by inch, was almost too much as it was not enough.

The sponge was almost as soft and velvety as the cream, but providing some texture and resistance that felt as delicious as the dessert looked.

Bakugou let out the first of many moans as he bottomed out, the air in the bedroom already beginning to smell like sugar and strawberries - just the right side of cloying, and he knew before long it would be so heady he’d be dizzy from it.

He pulled out almost as slowly as he went in, raising himself back up a little and bracing himself with his hands on the other side of the intact cake, leaving him looking over it on his hands and knees.

His reentry at a slightly higher point of the cake wasn’t quite as slow as the first breach, but he’s never been known for his patience.

Bakugou pulled in and out a couple of times, leaving a clear hole to fuck as he began to do just that, his hips begnining to thrust in a steady rhythm.

It didn’t take long for the squishy sounds coming from between his legs to turn into sloppy ones; the delicate cake was beginning to buckle already, the defined layers enveloping his cock becoming mushy around him.

Balancing his weight on one arm, he swiped his now-free hand across the top of the cake, coming away with as generous a handful of cream and strawberry slices as he could without threatening the structural integrity of the cake prematurely.

Bakugou raised his hand and smacked it right into the middle of his chest, before smearing it across his right pec, rubbing purposefully over his nipple as he did so. His hips sped up slightly without intention - or him noticing - as he alternated between smearing the food deeper into his flushed skin, and tugging on his nipple.

He could hear whimpering in his ears and it took a beat or two for Bakugou to realise they were coming from him. Fuck, it all just felt so good.

He blindly grabbed another small handful, this time coming away with some cake mixed into his spoils, before repeating the treatment on his left pec, but with a roughness borne of his increasing desperation.

“Fuck, fuck, shit, I-“ He hissed out a breath, pinching his nipple firmly as he felt the cake begin to collapse inwards, the squelch of the fucking he was giving it echoing in his ears.

A final scoop of the dessert onto his fingers went straight into his mouth, his plush, pink lips parting to accommodate three fingers; he was close.

Bakugou’s balance was starting to go as his orgasm approached, so he pulled his fingers free from his tongue and resumed his position, but beginning to sink lower into the mess he was fucking into his mattress protectors. From his angle, his balls began to slap what was left of the sides of the sinking cake, and the noise that created tore another moan from the blonde.

He could feel the sticky mess coating his crotch and inner thighs, closing his eyes as he lost himself in the feeling of indulging in the kink that turned him on like nothing else, wanting to savour something he knew was nearly over.

“Oh my fuck- ing, shit, oh, fuck-“

Bakugou’s hips were moving at a frantic pace now, chasing a release inside the cake while it still had an inside.

His orgasm had been teetering for a couple of minutes, then came all at once. A shout turned into a long, drawn out moan that was almost a cry, as he spilled his release in one, two, three bursts; biting his lip so hard, he’d discover later he’d drawn blood.

His arms gave out before he’d come back to himself, his lower half landing into the gooey puddle of expensive baking with a splat that would almost have been enough to get him half hard again if his soul hadn’t just shot out of his dick into a cake.

The blonde let out a deep, satisfied sigh, smiling dopily into the shiny, specialist bedsheet. Happy birthday to me, indeed.

Bakugou had only just had the energy to raise himself back onto his hands and knees when he had to find a little more to turn his head towards the door at the sound of it creaking open.

“Awh, did someone get you a birthday cake, babe?”

He nodded. You were back early.

You dropped your duffel on the floor, taking your first step towards the bed as you slid your shirt off with ease.

“Ooh, good - you saved some for me! I’m starving…”

[youwontlikethisblog]

Betty! My Betty.

Two post in a day, or window of twenty four hours!

Finally we make it to the day of the new collection launch.

Now in the previous post I wrote I made note that we had established that Armando trusted, unwavering, Betty. He knew of her fidelity and trusted her for it.

He questioned her but, by the time she leaves he quits his show of being mad at her and asked Mario what he thought of what she had said.

Now I want to add some points here that discribe and prove my theory that Armando was already having feelings outside of work related feelings towards Betty.

1) When Mario tells Armando that Marcela has no idea who she's talking to we know he means that Betty is the owner of Eco Moda, therefore she shouldn't be yelling at her but Armando thinks otherwise as he tells him "I know! She's my guardian angel!" which once more proves that Armando wasn't mistrusting of Betty and his concern was with how Betty treats him and how she is with him, unconditional.

2) When Mario starts with his paranoia again Armando defends her, defends his trust, and lets us all know that he would never doubt Betty nor her unconditionality and fidelity.

3) That day Armando behaved differently towards Betty.

We've all at some point in middle or high school gone to google and searched "how to tell that he likes me." and the very obvious answers in every post is that he finds excuses to be near you, finds excuses to touch you, blah blah blah, and very cliché this begins to happen. I already had my theory that as the show progressed to this point of the story that Armando found excuses to touch Betty such as when he starts to rub her shoulders as he is telling her that he's very aware of her loyalty and all she does for him, hugging her, to then asking her to stay in meetings, being confused when she doesn't sit next to him whereas before Betty could sit anywhere in the meeting room that wasn't near him (don't quote me on this I didn't pay much attention to the first few episodes because I was zoned out most of the time)and he didn't care. During the business with Macro Textil he was leaning towards her as they discussed with Ms. Colombia and the guy incharge of sells. Which I already talked about this in another post as well where he finally stops having all eyes on Ms. Colombia and is absorbed by Betty.

At the meeting the day before the launch Armando pulls a chair for Betty and tells her to sit by him and when she goes to sit he pulls his chair closer to her and leans towards her, when he usually is always leaning to his right, he now leans towards his left, where Betty is. That's not the only noticeable change. When Marcela starts yelling and insulting Betty, Armando visibly looks ticked off until he finally raises his voice at her and then adjusted his tone and talked to her calmly. Then later that night when Marcela and him are together discussing Claudia, Armando tells her that he can't do anything because Hugo will throw a fit, then Marcela decides to let her vandetta with Claudia go and asks for another head, to which Armando says anyone's head.

Remember how I said that Armando is really dumb with feelings and that when he has them he blurts them out unthinkably and then proceeds to correct himself?

Here Marcela gives him the ultimatum; Claudia's head or Betty's head.

Armando pulls away from her and says no, to which Marcela asks "You can't do it or you don't want to?" and he says "I don't want to- I can't." and he looks bothered by the idea of it. Like a kid told to share his toys with someone. We then see him feeling guilty over Betty being the owner of Eco Moda because Marcela is saying that she's gotta run everything by Betty.

The last point was a long one :)

Armando still yells at Betty and he still is a crappy boss but the last two days he has blended and blurred the lines so much while Betty has remained a good employee and kept boundaries with him.

Now this is the scene we've all been waiting for.

Armando finds out that Nicolas is Betty's "platonic love".

The day starts off with Marcela going to yell at Betty, as one does, and Armando seems bothered by it, while before it did bother him it wasn't much where he interacted or reacted to it. As he said he knew Betty could handle of them[Paty and Marcela].

Now one could simply say "But this is all because of Eco Moda and Betty is the owner now and he doesn't want her to turn against them."

Had that been the intention of the writer we wouldn't had gotten any of the previous details mentioned in the previous post. We wouldn't be seeing the subtle change, the blending of their personal lives, the obvious act of defending Betty against Mario's paranoia and the obvious stupidity of Armando towards his feelings.

Remember! Armando wasn't paranoid and he sure as hell wasn't questioning Betty's loyalty to him.

So if he isn't having those feelings? Why does he all of a sudden run to her aid against Marcela? Why does he not only defend his decision to hiring Betty as he did in the past but Betty's role and job in Eco Moda?

Here's the thing we all need to understand Armando is somewhat smart in his line of work. He knows how to manipulate, convince, and make deals. He is a very mechanical guy. Women enter him through his eyes. We've seen him be a womanizer and seggs is the way to his heart. Which is exactly why he was so stupid and clueless about his feelings towards Betty because unlike all the other woman, Betty didn't enter him through the eyes or sex. She did through action and personality and it all comes crashing down in this very scene. However, Armando is very stupid and I mean colossally stupid when it comes to feelings. He is a mechanical man, even in his relationship with Marcela, his parents, his best friend, his lovers, and he isn't fazed by people's emotions. He is uncomfortable with them and as a person who happens to be the same, when it comes to recognizing feelings and defining them as what they are it's really hard to do that when you spend your time avoiding and running away from any feeling and it can take months for someone to identify those feelings. Which is why the subtle changes and his reaction to this news leaves him uncomfortable, confused, and most of all scared and he tries to justify and identify these feelings as other things. Once again I talk from personal experience.

The writing from the previous episodes is meant to bring all of this together. Scenes that we might asume had nothing to do with the romance between B and A all of a sudden hold a lot of weight here. For example the scene when Sofia cries over her husband's lover working there, it shows Armando visibly uncomfortable as he turns to Betty's office and looks like he wants to stand up and leave the room when he sees her crying. However the last time Betty cried in front of him without her even asking or making any insinuation of it, Armando goes to hug her so he can comfort her. Mariana once said that he could watch someone cry and be unfazed by it but we had two more incidents previous to that that show us little by little how he begins to change for Betty. If they weren't important than we wouldn't had gotten them.

Bertha burst into his office with a smile on her face. Armando is as normal and typical as always, Betty enters the room and hands him the paperwork for him to sign.

That's when Bertha mentions that "Your love, your boyfriend, Nicolas Mora just called you!" and we get a close up of Armando's face(they wouldn't have shown us this if it weren't important). His eyes are focused on Betty, brows narrow, lips on a line and nostrils flared, meaning my boy is mad. When Betty asks if he signed the papers, without breaking eye contact with her, with a very serious and dead tone he tells her he did and hands them to her.

Skip a scene ahead we then see Armando exiting Betty's office, head down, shaking his head, looking confused and angry. When Mario walks in he asks if something happened and Armando nods, goes back into her office, steps back out and leans against the door frame, wrapping his arms around himself which is something people do to self sooth and he proceeds to tell Mario that something very grave has happened. Mario's facial expression shows worry.

Now let's go back to the episode when Betty gave Armando the papers that showed that Eco Moda was now under seizure for the debt they had with Terra Moda, how his voice was during that, which was somber. We know it hurt him to see that and that it was a hard thing to accept as he studied that most of the scene. Here in this scene he has the exact same tone of voice, somber, which means he is truly bothered and sad over Betty having a boyfriend.

Mario then proceeds to laugh and joke about it. Armando angrily tells him that the monstrete that he is making fun of is the owner of Eco Moda now and then his voice changes to say "She has a boyfriend." to which Mario again proceeds to make fun of. We see Armando's body language, he turns his back for a brief second, he doesn't look at Mario or make eye contact while he is making those jokes and for a split second we see a confused look on his face.

What does this mean? Armando sudden change of heart and his frustration towards the news aren't solely based on Eco Moda for what he continues to make apparent and continues to repeat is that Betty has a boyfriend because that's what he is hung up about.

I'm sorry I keep saying let's go back to a post or episode but this all comes imploding here, now, to prove the theory. Remember how I mentioned that Armando seemed unbothered by Nicolas and even defended him against Mario and his paranoia?

When Mario asks who the unfortunate person was Armando does as he does best, react emotionally.

All of a sudden Armando is furious as he refers to Nicolas. All of a sudden the person who he himself said was trustworthy, who he assured Mario was someone Betty collaborates with becomes an idiot and an object of disdain to Armando.

While Mario seems more concerned over the company and who the owner is; Armando seems more concerned over the fact that Nicolas is Betty's boyfriend.

He then proceeds to tell Mario how he found out and he tells it like he were telling him something traumatic, he is stuttering every few words, pacing, talking fast, unable to sit for more than a second and mocking, something we later see as a jealousy act of his, and gets angry( he makes it more dramatic by saying that Bertha said Nicolas was Betty's eternal love, her lover) when he gets to the point of the story that they talked about Betty's boyfriend in front of him which lets us know he felt it was disrespectful for Betty to do that.

What kind of boss thinks it's disrespectful for their employee to have a boyfriend and talk about it in front of them?

One that likes you and thinks there's something special going on between you two.

My theory is that Armando wasn't in love with Betty at this point but he was mixing up his feelings because he liked her and felt possessive over her. He felt that Betty's unconditionality, fidelity, loyalty, and faithfulness was all towards him and that made him feel special(when Betty was offered that commission by RagTela when she confessed it to Armando he went to her and told her he was glad he was a part of such an important test in her life which feeds the idea that he felt special to her) because of course, the "ugly" girl would never have a boyfriend to give all that to and he felt special to be the one to receive that from her without Betty asking for anything in return. Those exact qualities were the things that lead Armando to even have feelings for her(that he's not aware of) and all of a sudden there's someone who could be receiving those exact same qualities of Betty's and more which makes him react the way he does.

In his own words what offended him most (which means he was offended by Betty and Bertha talking about her personal love life in front of him) was that Betty didn't say anything about it.

Why is that?

Up to this point we've seen Armando slowly blur the lines of personal and work with Betty. Little by little we see him let his guard down, expressing his inner thoughts and feelings regarding his biggest burden and how it'll affect him. Betty knows him very well and he is very well aware of that as he tells her that he knows she understands more than anyone what he's doing while Armando barely knows anything about her. He knows she's got ethics, morals, and principles she sticks by. He knows her family and how humble and moral they are. He knows the most important parts of her character that makes her a trustworthy employee but he knows nothing about Betty's personal life like Betty does his.

In his own words again he says "I don't know, I don't know why she didn't confide in me. Me who has been very special to her-" please, let me bring you back to the past. In a post I mentioned that every time Betty gave him more of herself her rewarded her by doing the same in return. For example, when Betty showed loyalty to him he became more kind to her. When Betty showed unconditionality he showed loyalty. We begin to see a pattern of behavior. Whilst Betty's affection is shown through means of work and being respectful and having boundaries with him and living off her daydreams, Armando's is different. His affection is shown by blurring the lines between personal and work. By giving more of himself to her in an emotional sense.

He then concludes to say "This hurts me a lot, listen to me Calderon, I don't like this at all." Mario's perspective is that Amranod is worried for the same thing he is: Eco Moda. However Armando is on a different solar system as Mario tells him they should have investigated her more and again Armando goes to defend her. Saying that she is unconditional and has always been loyal to him. That he knows her perfectly, wouldn't you say this contradicts the plan?

"How the hell was I supposed to imagine that Betty! My Betty... would have a boyfriend?"

Armando then gives way to paranoia saying that Betty's personal life is deeply entwined with his, the companies, and his family's personal lives. Which means that Mario's seed of paranoia has now began to flourish in Armando and it shows his confusion. One moment he is defending Betty, the next he is questioning her. One second he is sure of her loyalty and the next he is worried about her having Eco Moda.

This is when the roles switch. In the previous days and scenes when Mario was paranoid Armando truthfully defended Betty and her loyalty. He was so sure of it but why does her having a boyfriend change that? Because Armando felt betrayed by Betty. He felt that she should have told him this. In other words Armando feels bamboozled because he isn't Betty's special man and now instead of Mario being the paranoid one he is the one to remind Armando that Betty is trustworthy. He tells him that Betty says "He's important for the company." and that the fact he's her boyfriend doesn't change anything he then proceeds to ask "Or what? You jealous?" and Armando laughs.

Notice his body language? He's biting his thumb nail, eyebrows arched and eyes worried. Yes, he is paranoid but he's also now struggling with the feelings that are left behind from the revelation that Betty has a boyfriend.

This will be part 1 of the next couple of episodes to break down Armando's inner struggle and why he is so stupid.

I need to get some rest lol

[keanureevesisbae]

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Chapter 10

Summary: After the livestream, Henry is trying to move on from this. However, that is harder than it seems. 

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 4.4k

Warnings: None

A/N: The formatting of this chapter is a bit different than usual, but I felt this would be the best way to describe Henry’s feelings. 

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

1 hour after the livestream

Henry fucked up. Henry truly fucked up. After he watched Adelaide step into that cab, the tears so evident in her eyes, he pushed all the cameramen out of his sight and didn’t want the other contestants to ask him any questions about this.

And because Henry obviously has a mature and adult way of dealing with his emotions, he locks himself up in the bedroom. The same bedroom where he made all those memories with Adelaide. He remembers her sleeping as soon as she would hit the mattress. Her fingers grazing over his arm. Her sleeping body securely in his arms, her head on his chest and the soft good morning kisses when they slept in the tent during their last challenge.

He takes ahold of the pillow Adelaide slept on and as he sits on the bed, he brings it to his face. He pushes his nose into the fabric, as he can still smell the hints of her perfume, her skincare products and her shampoo.

Tears of frustration burn in his eyes, as he continues to remember the hurt in Adelaide’s eyes just now. All because of him.

He fucking hates himself.

Yes, he cannot and will not deny the fact he did talk poorly about her, however he regrets every syllable of it. He knows better now, so much better. Adelaide Park is amazing and has so much to offer. They were planing on getting to know each other even better after this stupid program had ended.

But that is all over now and it’s all is fault.

He hates this show, every single producer and editor who works here and his agency. Especially his agency. He wants to sue every single one of them who were involved in making that heinous compilation, the one blew everything out of proportion, but he needs to think this over, before he makes any rash decisions. Decisions that might only do more damage than any good.

Henry stands up from the bed, to grab his suitcase and starts packing. He needs to leave this place, go back to England, to his own place and think about this.

Adelaide specifically asked not to mention her or talk to her and he should honor her wishes. That is the least he can do after everything that happened.

However, he should release a statement of his own. He should leave his agency. He should reach out to her in another way than directly contacting her. He needs to know whether or not she is okay.

Well, she might not be okay, but he needs to know how she feels. That she knows he is sorry, because he is sorry.

Very sorry.

Fuck, he is such a loser for letting her go like this. Adelaide was totally right. He should’ve been honest with her. Told her about his earlier thoughts regarding her and why he participated in the first place, but also specifically tell her how he changed his mind.

About her, about them, about him playing James Bond.

Henry grabs his phone, so he can check when the first flight back to England is, but he stops mid unlocking his phone and stares at his background. A few days ago, he changed his wallpaper in a picture of the both of them, sitting on the couch. Adelaide’s arms wrapped around his neck, her cheek pressed against his and her eyes shine with happiness.

Henry growls out of frustration. ‘Fuck,’ he hisses between clenched jaws. He already misses her, only sixty minutes after the live stream. He needs to think about this, because he will do anything to clear her reputation, to make it up to her.

Simply because he cares about her and only her.

His Adelaide Park.

◎ ◎ ◎

1 day after the livestream

‘Pick up, pick up, pick up,’ Henry mutters impatiently when he has his phone pressed against his ear. He is back home, as he wanders through his house. He really needs her to pick up. He needs to talk to her.

‘Henry,’ he hears Angela say in a flat tone when she finally picks up. Okay, she is mad and rightly so. ‘How are you?’

‘Not good,’ he answers in all honesty, because lying to Angela Bassett is only asking for trouble really. ‘Please, don’t spare me. I know you saw the livestream, I know you think I fucked up.’

She scoffs. ‘Well, in that case: you truly messed this up. I can’t believe you did this, Henry.  Adelaide Park has been nothing but an angel to you and I honestly thought you liked her.’

‘I do like her,’ he says in a defensive and louder tone.

She is not impressed with his tone. ‘And yet you still broke her heart. What a way to show her you care.’

He doesn’t need to get defensive. This is all his own fault and he deserves this. ‘I know. I’m a fucking idiot.’

‘That’s an understatement,’ she mumbles. ‘Tell me, what do you want from me?’

Henry lets out a deep sigh. ‘I don’t want to call her, because she told me not to talk to her. I want to respect that and I need to respect that, but I have to let her know at least one more time how sorry I am. I regret the words, I regret not being honest to her. I’ll accept whatever answer I get, but I need her to know how sorry I am.’

Angela doesn’t say anything and Henry fears he overstepped. Overstepped a lot.

‘Okay,’ she says, ‘I’ can do that. However, after this, you really need to reflect on this situation. You have broken her heart and ruined it for yourself. Get away from that abysmal agency you’re under contract with and share a statement on every social media platform you have.’

‘I’m already drafting something and I really want to leave that agency, I can tell you that.’

‘Good, because you need to clear your name. I don’t know if that is going to work, but you need to at least try.’

‘I know. Thanks Angela. I owe you.’

‘You sure do,’ she says and hangs up shortly afterwards.

Henry takes a seat on the stool at the bar and looks at the piece of paper on the counter, filled with scribbles and notes. He should make a neutral statement, where his sorry and remorse clearly comes through. He has seen the reactions on her pictures. Fans constantly tag him underneath her pictures and her underneath his and he sincerely hopes they stop doing that.

She doesn’t deserve this at all. She doesn’t need to be reminded of his actions on every social media platform she’s on.

He continues to scribble down words and eventual sentences he can use in his statement. Angela is right: he should do this.

He doesn’t know how long he is bend over the notebook, as he continues to write down a statement that actually satisfies him, but he gets pulled out of his thoughts when he sees the screenshot Angela has send to him.

And it’s what he expected. Adelaide doesn’t accept his apology (which he understands) and she tells Angela she doesn’t want to talk to him ever again, let alone see him. He opens up her Instagram, stares at her beautiful face. He misses her, but this is all his fault.

And Henry should live with that.

◎ ◎ ◎

2 weeks after the livestream

Henry stares at the screen on his laptop, as he checks out the announcement for the newest movie starring Adelaide and David Castañeda. He keeps wondering what would’ve happened if he actually had auditioned for it.

Wondering is all he does nowadays. Wondering how his life would look like now if he has just been honest with Adelaide. Wondering about them together, if the livestream went well, instead of exploded in the way it did.

He “broke up” with his agency and is currently looking at others, hoping to find himself a new and suitable one. One that wouldn’t do something like this. He always had a little bit of issues with the previous agency, but they offered him pretty decent jobs and he figured that was the most important thing. He never realized how much they interfered in his own personal life.

Henry closes his laptop. He barely left the house after he got back from Italy, except to do some groceries, so he wouldn’t starve to death. He is barely on his phone, just to let Angela, his family and friends know he is sort of doing okay. However he does turn down every invitation to hang out, simply because he can’t face anyone right now. He can barely face himself.

While he continues to attend his own pity party, he has checked what Adelaide has been doing and from the looks of it, she is doing great. She is absolutely glowing and obviously dealing much better with this than he is. She has been putting on a brave face for years now, so dealing with this seems like a piece of cake to her.

At least, that’s what it looks like to the public. During Tommy Hilfiger collaboration, she had this calm glow over her and the reactions underneath the pictures told her so as well.

Later the newest movie announcement with her, David, Reese Witherspoon and Paul Rudd was made. After that announcement, she has been pretty active on Instagram again and he has seen the pictures pop up at his explore page. He resists the urge to check her stories, but decides it would be for the best he doesn’t do that, simply because he feels like he shouldn’t intrude like that.

Fuck, he wishes he would feel better, but he doesn’t. Deep down he feels like he should forgive himself and at least try and move on, but he can’t seem to find the strength to forgive himself for his actions.

His fans reacted well to his statement and lots of people said reality tv can make everything look worse than it actually is. While it was definitely made worse than it actually was, he still feels bad and realizes he shouldn’t be as easily forgiven as he is now.

Henry is still thinking about suing the program, but he decided to just drop it. He doesn’t even have the energy to think about a lawsuit, let alone actually do it.

There is one thing to be happy and grateful about: Adelaide seems to do okay and for now, that is all that actually matters to him.

◎ ◎ ◎

1 month after the livestream

The 8seconds event Adelaide attended for her collaboration with them, might’ve been the worst things that happened to either of them since the livestream. Henry did look up the event, because he just wants to continue to see how she is doing. He saw the moment the journalists could ask questions and especially the second one journalist asked if Adelaide had spoken to Henry after the statement and what she thought of it. Her face never showed any emotions and she simply thanked everyone for their time and walked off.

Almost as if it was a diversion planned beforehand, David Castañeda posted a picture on his Instagram of her and the attention was immediately shifted away of the awkward matter. People are now speculating whether or not the two of them are dating and while Henry thinks that is not the case, you simply never know. The public at least is already shipping them and Henry would lie if he didn’t think the two of them would be a great match.

Henry finally managed to drag himself out of his own house and he is now at his parents. He did ask them if they couldn’t ask about Adelaide, since he would like to forget about the situation and so far, they thankfully honored his wishes.

She continues to feed him with extra little cupcakes and cookies and normally he would politely decline, but now he eats like he hasn’t eaten for days. He goes to the gym a whole lot nowadays, to get his mind of the whole Adelaide situation, so he doesn’t really care.

‘Okay, dear, I know you are still sad, but it has been four weeks,’ his mom says, as she places her hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. So much for not mentioning Adelaide. ‘You released the statement, you let go of your old management and you are keeping your side of the bargain. You are not texting her, you are not mentioning her. Yes, you hurt her, but you have learned from this.’

‘I know, I know.’ He rubs his face and looks up at his mom. ‘I just can’t believe I did this.’

‘Me neither,’ his dad mumbles. ‘I thought we taught you better than that.’

This hurts, but Henry deserves this. ‘You did.’

His dad sits up straight on the couch and stares at him, without even saying anything to him. No matter how old Henry is, that still makes him nervous. ‘You better have learned from this, Henry, because I’m rather disappointed in you.’

◎ ◎ ◎

2 months after the livestream

◎ ◎ ◎

5 months after the livestream

Henry managed to get his life kinda back to how it was pre-Adelaide. He has found himself a new agency and a wonderful agent, Julia, who managed to get him a great new role in a sci-fi movie. The filming process went great and he loved to be on set again.

Right now he is on his first press tour for the movie he did before the Celebrity Project ‘The Royal Heist’ with Anne Hathaway as his co-star.

Of course he still thinks about Adelaide, he thinks about her quite often as a matter of fact. He watches her interviews, he sometimes sees a picture of her on his Instagram explore page. Sometimes it’s a picture she posted herself, sometimes it’s a picture posted by David or someone else from the crew or a fan account.

It’s hard sometimes, not to think about her. Occasionally he wakes up un the middle of the night, thinking about her and seeing her laugh flash in front of his eyes. He realizes that of course he misses her, but it’s for the best they both move on without one another. From the looks of it, she is absolutely glowing and for that he is forever grateful. He feared she would blame herself, maybe completely hide herself, but she doesn’t. She has flourished and is not afraid to show it to the entire world. During her interviews she seems relaxed and makes a joke every now and then.

Henry sits next to Anne, as they are about to answer some questions about the new movie. The two of them joke around a bit, as Anne just recently discovered the wonders of Snapchat filters. It’s nice to have fun and not feel guilty as he did before. When he witnessed Adelaide having fun and being happy again, he felt it was okay for him to do so as well.

The questions about the movie are pretty basic, but after a while the interviewer seems less nervous than when he started. However, him feeling more confident, might have given him the impression he can actually ask questions he really shouldn’t be asking.

‘After the Celebrity Project, have you and Adelaide Park cleared the air with one another?’

Henry clenches his jaw. He wants to say a lot to this man. How he should mind his own fucking business, how Henry is going to rearrange his face for asking such thing, but then he remembers what Adelaide wanted from him.

He managed to do so for five months and he will not quit. Not now. ‘I thought my agent told you before hand I will not answer any Celebrity Project related questions.’

The interviewer doesn’t seem to care and continues to ask questions about how Adelaide was in real life, what they did when the camera’s were off and what he would do to make it up to the actress.

While he is nearly exploding with rage and anger, Anne manages to divert the conversation and when the end is near, Henry doesn’t thank the interviewer. He simply gets up to go outside for a fresh breath of air. The second he is outside, he takes a deep breath. Turned out he maybe wasn’t over Adelaide as much as he thought he was.

Henry grabs his phone and does something he hasn’t done for a while now. He goes to her account and checks the pictures. He sees the amount of David Castañeda related posts, so he goes to the actor’s page, where he sees excess of Adelaide pictures. She looks radiant and beautiful.

‘You okay?’ Anne asks, as she walks out of the building to stand next to him.

‘Yeah, I’m okay,’ he says, closing off Instagram and pushing his phone back into his pocket. ‘I made a promise and I wanted to keep that one.’

‘You did,’ she says with a smile. ‘Really, don’t let that idiot get to you. Weirdly enough, this is his job and you did well. As a thank you for diffusing the situation, you can buy me a coffee later today. Now, let’s go back inside. I’m wearing a flimsy bra and I don’t want the entire world to know I’m freezing.’

◎ ◎ ◎

8 months after the livestream

It has been eight whole months after the livestream and Henry finally thinks he is actually over the entire situation. The Royal Heist is nominated for an award, just like he was for his role in the movie. The rude interviewer three months ago was the last one to bring up Adelaide and thankfully he was, because Henry might’ve thrown some punches if someone asked about it.

He runs his hand over his black velvet jacket, before Anne stands next to him and says: ‘Maybe you should frown a little less.’

‘I’m not frowning,’ he says with a smile. ‘Just concentrated.’

‘Thus frowning.’

The two of them are guided by some very nervous assistants, who are managing the photo opts. And while he is slightly distracted by Anne and her embarrassing stories about other red carpets events, the commands of the paparazzi are becoming louder and louder and it gains his attention.

‘Adelaide, look over here! You look beautiful!’ Henry stretches out his neck and sees Adelaide Park, looking beautiful as ever.

The white dress she wears hugs her figure nicely and the matching heels create the illusion her legs are endless. Her long blonde hair, probably lengthened by extensions, is pulled together in a fancy ponytail.

Henry thought he was doing pretty well over the past months, thinking he was over her, but seeing her in real life… It makes him realize him being over her was all pretend. He can’t forget her.

Adelaide Park is the love of his life.

Fuck, what a moment to come to that realization.

He watches closely as David Castañeda stands next to her as he joins her. He plays her love interest in the movie, the man that has been all over her Instagram and the same man who she has done multiple interviews with. David looks like a nice guy, who seems a great friend to Adelaide.

David places his hand on her waist and together they pose for the camera. It’s weird seeing her like this. This at ease with someone else. When Henry met her, she was tense with stress, but that all disappeared. Of course he kept track of her, mostly to see how she was doing.

And she was blossoming and still is.

Henry watched their new movie, ‘Warm Up Period’ and it was an amazing romantic comedy, one of the best he has ever seen. Adelaide sure has a way of acting in these types of movies. It was all part of the job of course, he knows that, but he couldn’t push away those jealous thoughts he experienced when he watched their more intimate scenes. It’s all pretend—he knows that—but he could feel their connection through the screen. The way David touched her bare back, how the camera zoomed in on the goosebumps on her skin, the kisses they shared.

It was enough to make him green with jealousy.

‘You haven’t heard one single bit of what I was telling,’ Anne Hathaway concludes and he quickly looks at her. ‘You’re still not over her, aren’t you?’

He doesn’t know what to say. ‘I’m just happy to see she’s doing good,’ he eventually says, while still looking at her. Maybe she senses that someone is gawking at her, because she looks to the side, but he quickly looks away.

That’s what she wanted from him. If he saw her before she saw him, he should walk away.

◎ ◎ ◎

Afterparties aren’t really Henry’s thing, but he feels obligated to stay, especially after he won ‘Best Actor’. Other actors congratulate him as he makes his way through the hall and he puts on a brave face, but in all honesty: he is feeling miserable.

From a distance, he sees Adelaide standing all by herself. He could simply do it, he thinks to himself. He could walk up to her and talk to her. If she doesn’t want him there, he’ll understand and walk away.

Reluctantly, he walks up to her and when he is close enough for her to hear him, he takes a deep breath. He really is going to do this… ‘Hi Adelaide,’ he gently says to her.

She looks up, her eyes enlarging when she realizes it’s him. From up close she is even more beautiful. She looks breathtakingly gorgeous with blonde hair, but he misses the way her light brown hair made her look. It reminds him of a time where things were simpler and better.

Adelaide blinks a few times and says: ‘Hi,’ in a soft tone.

He missed hearing her voice. ‘If you don’t want to talk to me, just say so. I was just wondering how you’ve been.’

She clears her throat, as she studies his face. ‘I’m good,’ she answers and he lets out a sigh of relief. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m okay,’ he says, but his voice is telling otherwise. He is not okay, he is an utter mess. He just became a bit better at hiding it over the past couple of month.

She must sense that too, because she frowns for a split second. ‘Congratulations,’ she tells him and it sounds sincere. Of course it sounds sincere, the words come from Adelaide herself, the embodiment of sincerity. ‘The movie was really good and you deserved to win best actor. You were great.’

‘Thank you,’ he says. Henry can’t believe he used to be so comfortable around her and now he’s getting heart palpitations simply by looking at her. ‘You look amazing, Adelaide.’

She nods. ‘Thank you.’ She takes a sip of her champagne and purses her lips for a brief moment, probably thinking about what she can say. ‘I heard you turned down James Bond.’

Henry nods. ‘Yes, I did. I didn’t want to be part of that franchise.’

‘Was it because of me?’ she asks.

He sighs. ‘Well, I think you were part of my decision. I think I should thank you.’

Adelaide simply nods. ‘Right.’

Henry knows he shouldn’t do it, but he can’t stop himself. ‘Adelaide, I’m so terribly sorry for everything I did. I know I hurt you and it pains me every single day to know I betrayed your trust. Trust I didn’t even deserve in the first place.’

She simply shakes her head. ‘Please don’t do this, Henry. It’s all okay.’

‘No, it’s not okay,’ he tells her, taking a step closer to her, while still maintaining an appropriate distance from her. She doesn’t step back and from the looks of it, she actually is open to what he has to say to her, so he better make it worth while. ‘You had every right to be as mad as you were and I totally understand. I was just hoping that maybe we can talk about it, clear the air, so we can be in the same room together.’

Adelaide blinks her eyes a few times. ‘Really?’

‘Really,’ he confirms. ‘And if you don’t want to, I respect that. Just wanted to at least have suggested the idea to you.’

She nods. ‘Okay, just not here.’

‘Of course not,’ he quickly says. ‘How about we do coffee tomorrow? I know a nice place around here. They have nice cappuccino’s. If you want to of course. Maybe you want to meet up somewhere else, that’s fine with me.’

She shakes her head. ‘Coffee tomorrow is good,’ she says. Her eyes are brighter than the first few moments he started to talk to her. That’s a good sign, right?

Henry nods, as he counts his blessings, thankful that she actually agrees to this idea. ‘Good, good.’

Her co-star David walks over to the two of them and stands next to Adelaide. ‘Hi,’ he says when his eyes fall on Henry, holding out his hand. ‘Congratulations, man. I loved the movie and you were great. Very well deserved.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ he says with a smile, because David’s friendliness is contagious.

David places his hand on Adelaide waist. ‘Ready to go? Our limo is ready.’

Adelaide tears her gaze away from Henry and meets David’s eyes. She smiles at her co-star, in a way only she can do. This shouldn’t make him jealous, not after all these months they spend apart.

But seeing her this close to someone other than him, confirms what he thought earlier that night.

He missed her more than he originally figured.

‘I am,’ she tells David. ‘Henry, I’ll see you tomorrow then. You still have my number?’

As if he would erase her number. Ever. ‘I do.’

‘Text me a time and address and I’ll be there.’ She sends him a soft smile, before turning around. She walks off to the exit with David, his hand still in the dip her waist.

Henry stares after the pair, as his blood boils with rage and jealousy.

But he shouldn’t be. He can’t be.

Besides, the most important thing is: he is going to talk with Adelaide Park, face to face. He quickly looks over the crowd, to see if he can find Anne, so he can say his goodbye and go to his hotelroom to prepare, because this might be his only chance to make things right between him and Adelaide.

[stillness-in-green]

Part 2 of the response to this ask:

Part 1 was about where I think Geten’s story is going, and if I think it’s likely that Dabi will kill him; it dealt mainly with how those characters are set up in canon. Part 2 is far more about the fandom, and the assumptions people make that lead them to theories like the one above--specifically, the assumption that the League was always planning on bailing on the PLF. Hit the jump below with me and I'll go over why I think the common arguments for that are misguided at best, and willfully misreading the text at worst.

WARNING: Contains some generalizations about parts of the fandom that I have mostly taken steps to avoid seeing on my dash, so some of my characterizations may be out of date. I’ve tried to desalinate this post as much as possible, but as an unapologetic fan of the MLA and of Spinner (who I do not bring up incidentally), this is a topic I feel particularly strongly about. Apologies, but I Have Seen Things.

DISCLAIMER: I like Geten better than Dabi. I don't think he's better developed; I don't think he's a better character--I just like him better. This is largely down to the fact that I find the MLA fascinating from a worldbuilding perspective and its members compelling personally, whereas I’m less interested in Dabi personally than I am the Todoroki Drama on the whole, and have been tired of Fanon Dabi for approximately 83 years. I’ll also be the first to admit that my take on Dabi is pretty mercenary--hardly the irredeemable psychopath the Hero Stans on Twitter see, but nothing close to Secretly Soft Big Brother Touya, either. If that’s not your bag, you may want to skip this one.

So, here's a bullet point list of the reasons I have personally seen on why the League was always planning to turn on the MLA:

Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them.

Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

[Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

So, let's go over those, shall we? Note that a lot of what I'm going to lay out below isn't conclusive. What I want to establish is simply that the canonical evidence isn't conclusive, certainly not as much so as the people who support this view espouse.

|| Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

In responses to my recent Overhaul post, I defended Viz’s official translation as an accurate rendering of the dialogue in question. In general, I feel like Caleb Cook is pretty reliable in his translations, if sometimes kind of stiff or dry in localization. However, there are times he makes assumptions about lines--as indeed a translator for a currently-running series will sometimes have to--and sometimes, those assumptions don’t pan out. This is one of those times.

Dabi's line, "Shall we get started early?" is based on an assumption Cook made about a line that doesn't have an actual subject. In the original dialogue--Hayame ni hajimaru ka--there is no “we,” not even in the form of some implicit collective in Dabi’s grammatical inflection, nor is there a question of "should." All Dabi’s doing is musing that the start (again, there’s no subject, and so no indication of the start of what, or the start as initiated by who) is happening early.

Toga's line communicates much the same, save that she does specify that the schedule/plan/arrangement is happening earlier than expected--which is totally true, since her line is in response to Dabi observing that Machia moving must mean Shigaraki's awake, and Shigaraki was supposed to be down for another month.

Shigaraki's line, like Dabi's, lacks a subject to describe what exactly is supposed to start as soon as Shigaraki wakes. He's saying something that would, in a more stilted way, be, "I wake up and then it's the start, right?"

None of these lines suggest that the characters are necessarily talking about any plan other than the one the PLF laid out. Yes, it looks somewhat damning that Shigaraki's first action (after getting himself a cape, anyway) is to have Machia bring him the League, but heck, maybe that was always the plan. Just because Shigaraki wants to rejoin his comrades doesn't mean the rest of the PLF didn't already have machinations that they were supposed to set into motion the moment Machia left. After all, the plan as Hawks understood it did involve simultaneous attacks on major cities--maybe the League was going to be spearheading one of those attacks. Further, Shigaraki knew something was wrong from the moment he regained consciousness, and we don’t know how that knowledge affected the call he made. Hell, maybe the original plan was for the League to be brought to meet him somewhere in a chartered limo; we don’t know.

It's telling that this idea that the League had a Secret Plan to screw over the MLA rarely seems to account for Mr. Compress and Spinner being confused over the suddenness of events. The response to questions about this seems to be that the "villain trio" knew about it, so the ignorance of the rest of the League can just be handwaved--the important members knew, and that's enough. This is ungenerous towards both Twice and Mr. Compress, but I have got particularly little time for Spinner, the narrator of MVA and guy who decided to devote his all to Shigaraki, being disrespected in this fashion. More on that later.

|| Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

Shigaraki does say he won't forgive the MLA, but consider what he did to the MLA and its leader. He destroyed most of their stronghold, killed scores of them, is directly responsible for Re-Destro losing his legs, and saw that vaunted descendant of Destro about six inches shy of full forehead-on-the-ground dogeza. The League Shigaraki commands killed a great many more of them, including one of their inner circle. He commandeered the Liberation Army, its resources, and its grand cause. I think it’s safe to say he’s more than responded in kind!

I'm not saying Shigaraki feels for the MLA the same way he does about the League, far from it, but I do think he's practical enough after two hundred chapters of character development not to throw them away out of spite. In Chapter 246, he tells Ujiko explicitly, "When someone offers me something, I take it," and, "I'm done taking the heroes lightly. I'll use everything I've got to obliterate the dregs All Might left behind." From a purely practical standpoint, if he intends to throw everything he has at the heroes, he has no reason to throw the MLA under the bus, and 116,000 reasons to keep them around. I'm altogether sure that, so long as they stood to be useful to his plans, he would have kept them around.

|| The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them. + || Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

I hadn’t seen the second point in the wild, but I suppose it must be how the “The League will betray the MLA” theorists are getting around Dabi and Skeptic’s clear collaboration and how that collaboration totally scuttles the first point, huh? Hilarious.

Anyway, setting aside the fact that Dabi showed up to the one planning session we were shown when even Geten didn’t, there’s evidence in the canon that Dabi was working with Skeptic since even before the raid. Consider that Dabi’s video was filmed at the villa (the wall paneling and the style of the couch both match) and ask yourself where the camera he used came from. Once the filming was complete, where was the video stored such that Skeptic could access it from his laptop? If Dabi’d had it on an SD card and Skeptic was seeing it for the first time, why didn’t Spinner, Compress and Toga watch it alongside him? Surely Skeptic would need to watch it through at least once to know when to splice in the footage of Jin’s death for maximum dramatic impact? On that note, by far the most telling piece of evidence is this: if Dabi wasn't already working with Skeptic, then why was he wearing one of Skeptic's body cameras during his confrontation with Hawks?

Further, Skeptic's protest when he’s pulled onto Machia isn't that he doesn’t want to be with the League; it’s that he doesn’t want to leave Re-Destro behind. Once he's resigned that it's going to happen, though, he's cocky about his talents and complimentary of Dabi's big reveal, even if he is exasperated about the League's antics. It's ambiguous, I admit, but given that Dabi's wearing his cameras, he had to have known Dabi had a reason for them--and given that he is both abrasive and mouthy, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t have demanded to know what that reason was.

Hell, Dabi even thanks Skeptic for his editing work, which is more direct positive approval than he's ever shown anyone in the League (give or take the high-five with Twice, which, genuine or not, he would have known he was doing on camera). That much-vaunted panel of Spinner telling Toga to come back to the League? Dabi's grinning, which in isolation you could read as a certain rueful affection, but with the full context of the chapter, it becomes apparent that Dabi is grinning at Skeptic's laptop, seconds after telling Skeptic to "hurry up." Skeptic is, at that moment, probably gearing up the video to project nationwide, and Dabi’s more focused on that than he is Toga’s crisis, even when Compress directly appeals to him for aid. He tells Compress he doesn’t care, the same way he told Hawks he doesn't give a damn about the League.

Let me be clear here: I'm inclined to take Dabi at his word. I think Dabi hangs around the League because, for all that he says one man's conviction can shake the world, he also knows his own limits, and the League offers safety in numbers and an avenue to pursue his revenge. Maybe he finds them acceptable enough company, maybe he even does like them a bit despite himself, but I think any affection he might have for them is entirely incidental to his views on their usefulness. In the same way, while he's willing to bail on the MLA when the heroes attack, I don't think it was his plan to do so, especially not given his apparent immediate regard for Skeptic, as seen in the deleted scene here. Sure, he dislikes Geten, but ultimately, Geten is a stupid kid too tied up in his care for Re-Destro--who's now worshipping the ground Shigaraki walks on--to really be getting in Dabi's way.

Maybe if the MLA really were as quirk supremacist as Geten makes them out to be, Dabi would be actively looking for a way to see ‘em burn, but as I’ve said countless times before, Geten is not a reliable narrator vis a vis the MLA's doctrine. Now, obviously I don't expect Dabi to give them an unearned benefit of the doubt,(1) not after what he heard Geten say, but if Dabi has been working with Skeptic, it doesn't take a genius to realize that while Anthropomorph is a perfectly good quirk, it is categorically not what primarily defines Skeptic’s "worth" in the MLA societal microcosm.

Nothing that Skeptic does reflects the way Geten talks about "elevating one's ability" or "sheer strength" in the way that HeroAca fandom tends to understand as referring to flashy and offensive quirks. And yet, Skeptic is a ranked advisor warranting an introductory panel with RD's inner circle and Geten is not. Perhaps, just perhaps, this might have led Dabi to reevaluating his initial assessment just slightly?

|| Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

So, this one's pretty wild, because, in the same chapter that had people crowing about Mr. Compress's dialogue, Mr. Compress's actions show the exact opposite of the conclusion this theory would demand. Specifically, if it was always the League's plan to ditch the MLA, Mr. Compress would have darted right past Skeptic, ignoring the man's cries for help. He doesn't--he picks Skeptic up on the way past and (at least in the volume corrections) deposits him safe with Dabi in Spinner's scarf. Of course, Skeptic still stands to be useful, but if one acknowledges that Skeptic's usefulness is reason enough not to abandon him, then what exactly is the argument for leaving 116,000 perfectly useful warm bodies behind?

But let's set aside Compress rescuing Skeptic and focus on the actual point, because that point in itself is still flawed. Mr. Compress's thoughts on the PLF in the specific talk bubble in question are somewhat ambiguous. It's another case of the Viz translation making a couple of assumptions that are just that--assumptions.

Compress's words in the Japanese are as follows:

Chōjō Kaihō Sensen.… Viran rengo no Shigaraki Tomura ga…

Viz then renders the line like so:

The Paranormal Liberation Front's… No, the League of Villain's Shigaraki…

Note that in the Japanese, the possessive no is only included once, to indicate Shigaraki's association with the League. Further, the original doesn't indicate any negation in Compress's thoughts. Yes, he could be rejecting the PLF association for Shigaraki, but he could as easily be narrowing his scope to Shigaraki as the figure he represents to the League, rather than the figure he represents to the PLF--not rejecting wholesale, but rather becoming more specific. Compress might also be thinking first of the PLF as a general organization, then narrowing down to Shigaraki specifically.

Rather than reading this line as an indication that Compress regards the PLF as temporary, I was heartened by the fact that Compress thought about the PLF at all! If the League really had been planning to discard them this entire time, then there's no reason for Compress to have ever taken the Front seriously enough to have thought about them in that moment of crisis. You can carry this back further, too. In Chapter 258, when Twice is asking Hawks for help, he says that Spinner and Compress have been in meetings for days. Coupled with Compress's first thought about the entity that will carry out Harima's desired reformation being the Liberation Front (or possibly "the Liberation Front's Shigaraki"), this indicates to me that Compress was taking it seriously, not just gorging himself on sushi on the MLA's dime.

Indeed, back in Ujiko's lab, when it was just Shigaraki talking about his backstory and his dreams of destruction, Compress looks the opposite of impressed; we know from his narration in 294 that he liked the League because they didn't place any importance on one another’s pasts. Yet, at some point, his view shifted to believing that fulfilling his ancestor's ambition, his bloodline’s duty, really might be back on the table. We as readers don't quite know when that shift happened, but given, again, his initial mental invocation of the PLF, I think we can assume that it's tied to that alliance, those resources. And sure, when the moment of crisis happens and he's really defining who and what Shigaraki is to him, and where his values and priorities lie, it's with the League and Shigaraki as the leader of the League. But that doesn't mean he never had his hopes for the PLF at all, or was partaking in plans to ditch them.

Also too, this is a man who was lamenting the loss of their partnership with Overhaul, a man who personally maimed him, on top of killing a comrade. You're telling me the guy who shrugged off his animosity towards Overhaul would willingly allow the League to plot sabotage against even wealthier collaborators against whom he has even less reason to hold a grudge? Come on, guys.

|| Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

This one's easy: Toga pretty explicitly hated Curious, but she's even more explicit that she likes the MLA because she thinks the world they want to create is wonderful. She says this verbatim at the end of 225, after Curious has spent the entire chapter hounding her with explosions and intrusive questions. What turns her animosity on Curious is not some reveal that the MLA's world would be terrible after all, but Curious calling Toga's "normal" miserable and tragic. Essentially, she doesn't object to the world the MLA wants to bring about; she objects to being turned into a martyr for that world, especially when that martyrdom requires that the things that make Toga happy be characterized as horrific misfortunes.

Toga doesn't like Curious; she kills Curious. And then she comes into a position of leadership, and we don't know a lot about how that position takes her, but she seems delighted to be walking out onto the stage to be announced as such, and she makes active contributions to the discussion of the PLF's plans in Chapter 245. We are, again, given no indication that her lethal response to Curious means that she's planning to ditch the MLA on the whole.

Incidentally, Curious asserts what she does about Toga only in the context of the world as it stands. The world's rejection of Toga's normal, and the extremes that rejection drove Toga to, are what Curious considers tragic and miserable, not Toga's fascination with blood in and of itself. She clearly believes that, in the world the MLA envisions, Toga's life would not be so miserable because she would never have been oppressed to the degree that she snapped. And frankly, Curious isn't wrong. The only reason she is a villain in that scene is that she's willing to murder Toga to project that tragedy to the world. If she'd been willing to sit down and have a civil interview with Toga to print it in a relevant magazine, she would have been fine.

|| Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

You know, this is a totally fair point. It is, however, somewhat complicated by the fact that Giran himself never left the PLF. Now, there’s almost certainly something to be said about Giran’s whole information broker shtick being terminally compromised by his capture, his maiming, his client list being hacked, etc. He had a bunch of identifying items strewn all over the country that were covered in the national news, items that people who associated with him closely certainly would have recognized. Maybe he’s laying low for a while?

I don’t know why Giran was still around by the time of the raid. I can theorize about his pragmatism or what have you, but the canon really doesn’t give us anything to go on. Still, if he really hated the MLA all that much, as he would be totally justified in doing, it’s pretty bizarre that Horikoshi showed him twice in PLF crowd scenes post-Deika looking nothing worse than kind of confused and uneasy. Heck, you’d think he would at least have merited a better seat in the crowd for the big merger announcement.

Giran aside, the fact that Twice never does hit it off with anyone in his regiment is, I think, telling. If there’s anyone in the League that intentionally kept himself at a distance from the MLA because of hard feelings, it’s likely Twice. After all, if he had befriended anyone, he presumably wouldn’t have needed to go to Hawks for tutoring almost an entire month after Deika. That said, the fact that Twice does go running to Hawks for tutoring shows that he’s at least doing his best to act in accordance with what he thinks Shigaraki and the rest want. That doesn’t preclude the League having a secret plan that he’s either in on and playing along with, or hasn’t been told about because he might not be able to stop himself from vocalizing about it. Still, while absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, obviously absence of evidence is not evidence of presence. So, lacking any sign that the rest of the League is planning treachery, I’m not inclined to assume Twice’s lack of forgiveness is indicative of anything other than his own feelings.

|| [Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

:: INCOMING SALT WARNING :: INCOMING SALT WARNING ::

This is the one that really gets to me. I have never seen an argument that the League is planning to betray the PLF that convincingly explains the fact that Spinner, to all available evidence, threw himself wholeheartedly into trying to make the PLF succeed. To be more precise, I have seen one explanation, and that explanation is that the plan to ditch the MLA was a secret that only Shigaraki, Dabi and sometimes Toga knew about, and to reiterate, that is bullshit.

In my experience, this is an explanation proposed by people who care about Spinner only insofar as he can be a Soft Gaymer Boyfriend or score them rhetorical points, but have little to no interest in his ongoing--and, indeed, increasing--importance to the League generally and Shigaraki’s arc specifically. The dude who talked about how Twice’s home was the League, who got through to Toga while still respecting her choice when no one else could, the guy who recognized the hollowness within Shigaraki but also bonded with him over video games, the man who Mr. Compress said was Shigaraki’s most devoted follower(2)--this man did not do all of that for people in this fandom to say, “Oh, well, the others probably just kept it a secret from him because they thought he’d be bad at lying.”

Really? “Bad at lying?” And that’s an adequate justification, is it, for Shigaraki letting Spinner toil for months under false pretenses? For lying to the man who adores him the most? Of course it isn’t, but the people who theorize this don’t really care about Spinner’s adoration for Shigaraki, or the fact that Shigaraki rewarding Spinner’s feelings by allowing him to dedicate himself unstintingly to something Shigaraki was planning to discard from the beginning would be a blatant abuse of Spinner’s trust.

I have never seen anyone try to argue that Spinner was in on a plan to betray the MLA all along. That’s because it’s patently obvious that Spinner--forthright, direct Spinner, who named the merged organization with Re-Destro, spends all his time in meetings, has a direct exchange with Re-Destro about the state of their plans, and is probably the reason RD started wearing polka dots--went all-in on the PLF. But for the people who propose the “the League was always going to bail” theory, Spinner and his labors are an afterthought.

Spinner is not an afterthought. Where Mr. Compress has been captured, Toga could hypothetically be peeled away from the League via Uraraka, and Dabi almost certainly will be peeled away via the Todoroki plot, Spinner’s driving motivation at this point is Shigaraki himself. He connected to Shigaraki’s nihilism, his hatred, but also his humanity--the humanity in Shigaraki Tomura, not in Shimura Tenko. His empathy didn’t spring from contrived psychic glimpses of crying 5-year-olds, but from long months of observation, doubt, and gradually deepening wonder. He’s the only person currently with Shigaraki that I can see caring enough about Shigaraki’s welfare that he might sacrifice his own goals and desires to help Deku save him.

Spinner is not an afterthought, and I refuse to build or entertain theories that treat him that way. So as to his opinions on the MLA? Despite having his own reasons to be leery of them based on how shabbily Trumpet treated him, he was obviously trying to make the Paranormal Liberation Front succeed, which means he must have believed that Shigaraki wanted it to succeed. Therefore, unless you’re prepared to assert that Shigaraki (and everyone else who was in on it!) was cruel enough to lie to Spinner about something he was devoting so much time and energy to, the inescapable conclusion is that Shigaraki also wanted the Front to succeed.

(Note: After letting a friend pre-read this, I have been informed that there is, in fact, one explanation offered for Spinner knowing the League was going to abandon the PLF but working his ass off on the venture anyway, and that explanation is, “Something something wants to prove himself because low self-esteem.” This is so ridiculous I can’t even bring myself to edit this post accordingly. Low self-esteem! Because nothing would alleviate Spinner's low self-esteem like toiling for months over something that holds no worth to the people he actually cares about, right? Right?? Bah. Humbug!)

And but so, to wrap all that up: I fundamentally disagree that the League viewed the Paranormal Liberation Front as a temporary arrangement, at least to the extent that they were actively planning to betray their newfound--new won--allies. The fact that I don't think the League intended to discard the MLA out of hand does, thus, influence my opinion that, whatever Geten's fate will be, I'm pretty sure it's not going to be, "He gets murdered in a way that resembles nothing so much as a sick revenge fantasy dozens of chapters after the last point when such a death would have been remotely tonally appropriate."

Thanks for the ask, anon! Sorry about-- *waves at all of this*

-------------------------------

(1) Not that Mr. “Burns Random Delinquents Alive For Not Measuring Up To His Standards For Villainy” has any moral standing to criticize others for how they determine the value of peoples’ lives, mind.

(2) Other translations for the verb in Mr. Compress’s Japanese line of, “You are the one who ____s Shigaraki the most,” include yearn for, long for, pine for, miss, love dearly, adore, idolize, and revere. “Most devoted follower” is accurate enough, but considerably less homo than some of the things we could have gotten there.

[eintsein]

After a few years of trial and error, I think I've finally found the perfect organization method.

In the early years of high school, I had a bullet journal. I was an artsy kid who found a way to combine art with organization in a way that benefited other parts of my life.

However, as I approached the end of high school, my schedule got busier, and I was involved in a lot more things, so owning a bullet journal was less practical. Because of that, I switched to an app called Edo Agenda.

I continued with digital planning in college since I knew I wasn't going to have as much time. But all the apps I tried out—Taskade, Actions by Moleskine, Any.do, Todoist, Wunderlist—weren't suited to my planning and organizational needs. They didn't have the specific functions I required and didn't incorporate an organization system I liked to use. The predefined apps were too restraining, but the more customizable apps weren't customizable enough.

So then I switched to a bare bones, uber minimalist bullet journal method. That worked pretty well my second semester. It was simple, portable, and most importantly, flexible—all the things one could wish for in a planning system. However, it wasn't always the most convenient to use since I couldn't effectively integrate all the different aspects of my life, which, to no surprise, is mostly recorded digitally.

There was just one huge problem with my digital organization system that made me hesitant to switch back in the first place: everything was fragmented. Notes were in Google Docs. Financial records were in Google Sheets. To-Do Lists were in my bullet journal. Team projects were in Trello. My poetry was on Bear. Things I wanted to try are carelessly pinned to random pinterest boards or added to my YouTube "watch later" playlist. It was a mess.

Over the summer, I found out about Notion from a friend, and I thought, this has so much potential, it could even be exactly what I need. It's essentially like an empty notebook on your computer with functions that make it 10x more powerful. Notion allows you to integrate all aspects of your life and work into one app. Some of the advantages that have made me partial to Notion are:

Even greater customization level. Notion is a blank canvas with tons of predefined blocks and different file types. You can make databases, spreadsheets, Kanban boards, to do lists, etc. Also, you can remain connected to other digital services. You can link websites, collaborate with other users, use different structures (e.g. documents, databases, tasks), embed images and videos, etc. There are also tons of formatting options, e.g. text color, highlight, heading v. body text.

Better organization. Notion allows you to have pages within pages within pages within pages—an infinite hierarchy that you can organize with tables of contents. These pages are made of blocks, e.g. tables, checklists, boards, databases.  Both pages and blocks can be rearranged by simply dragging and dropping them to where you want them to be. In other words, I guess it's kind of like building a website to organize your life. Plus, their database feature is especially powerful as it allows you to connect all your data and get into as much detail as you wish (each entry in a database is its own page).

Templates. There are tons of templates created by both Notion and the community that you can use. These are especially helpful in the beginning since Notion does have a rather steep learning curve. There are template for almost every category: personal, planning, finance, job applications, design roadmap, etc. Check out their template gallery, this medium article called "10 Notion templates to inspire your use", or read on for my own examples!

Shortcuts. This makes typing and documenting so much faster. Notion uses Markdown, which is a text-to-HTML conversion tool, e.g. # = Heading 1, *, - = bullet point, etc.

Notion has some pretty awesome features, but how does one actually use it? Personally, I have four top-level pages: my planner, my personal journal, songwriting, and blogging.

Planner

I've been using my planner to, well, plan and track my day to day activities as well as my week and month. The way I've structured it is a calendar or monthly overview with links to pages of weekly overviews, and if needed, daily overviews within the weekly overview. This links things up so nicely, i.e. I don't have to be constantly flipping pages in my physical bullet journal or planner to find what I need.

I also have entertainment lists, which is mainly a table with all the shows I want to watch, the books I want to read, etc. I keep track of whether or not I've watched them, as well as my personal ratings. What I love most about this is that each entry is its own page, so I can type my notes for each book, show, or film and easily find them in the future. (Also the reason why I have plural “lists” instead of just one entertainment list is because you can filter entries by type of entertainment, e.g. movies, tv shows, books, articles.)

Personal

For personal notes, goals, journal entries, etc. This is kind of like an extension of my daily journal and just where I dump all my thoughts and keep track of the different aspects of my life: mental, emotional, spiritual, social, physical, and travel.

Another page I have is called "Stray Thoughts" and, well, it's pretty self explanatory. It's a lot easier to dump all my thoughts as they come and reorganize them later. Of course, this requires sacrificing the rawness of journaling, i.e. when the thoughts come and how you process them, which is why I still keep a regular journal that I write in daily.

Songwriting

I've been writing a lot of music over the summer and it's often hard to keep track of all of my songs and how far I've gotten in the songwriting process. So I created a table of songs - each entry of a song is a page with its lyrics. These are then tagged with the status of the lyrics (i.e. completed, in progress) and the status of the music itself (i.e. melody only, instrumental, mixing, mastering, revised). Eventually, I'll include demos in the database by embedding audio files in the document.

I have a separate section for inspiration and ideas, which is a kind of brain dump, e.g. words I think would make a good song, a certain theme for a song, a melody that's been stuck in my head, a vibe I'd like to try out, etc.

I've also been watching a lot of tutorials for music production and there's a section where I write my notes for that.

Eintsein

The last section of my Notion app is for this blog. Which has pages for

New posts. These are ideas for future posts, asks that I think would need longer answers, as well as posts that are currently in the draft stage (like this one was before I posted it)

Design assets. This is where I put all the visual branding material for Eintsein.com to be used in posts and any visual material on the blog.

FAQ. Having an FAQ document just makes it so much easier to make changes to your existing FAQ. Plus, if you ever change your FAQ theme, you just have to copy and paste what you already have.

Post directory. I keep track of all my previous masterposts, infographics, and generally longer and more comprehensive posts. It's the exact same as what you see on my Navigation page. And yes, the document contains direct links to the post.

New theme. A project I've been working on the past couple days is trying to create my own theme for my blog. This is where I put all my outlines, brainstorming notes, design inspiration, code snippets, etc.There are some pretty awesome features I’ve made use of in this page:

As you can probably tell, I'm absolutely obsessed with Notion since it has such awesome features and endless possibilities for customization. So far I've been using Notion for personal projects, which, since they are quite big in scale and have no set deadline, are important to organize well. My summer courses were only 6 weeks and weren't difficult to organize.

The formats above are just how I personally use notion. You could make some of your own, or if you don't think you want to build your pages from scratch, there are tons of templates to choose from. Here are some I think I'll be using in the near future and may be helpful for others as well, especially students like myself:

One drawback, however, is that Notion has a rather steep learning curve, but there are tons of tutorials online (especially YouTube) and I guarantee you it's all worth it.

Notion is not just a productivity app. It's a way to concretize your entire life.

Notion is free to use, but there are higher tiers that allow for more blocks, greater file size, etc. I use a personal account, which is $4 per month with unlimited block storage and no file upload limit (although I got it for $33/year). Personally I think the free plan would suit most people's needs, especially if you're not uploading large files.

[putschki1969]

My Experience with Japanese Online Shops, International Shipping and Proxy Services

In the last few months I have ordered from many different Japanese online stores and I have made use of a bunch of new international shipping and proxy services so I thought it would be a good idea to sum up my experiences and write a little review so everyone knows what to expect. Without further ado, let’s get to it.

Content

tenso

Buyee

WorldShopping

HMV International Shipping

CDJapan

Amazon.co.jp

1. tenso.com

A staple for everyone who wants to register for various Japanese services (e.g. fan clubs, streaming platforms, etc) or enjoys shopping in Japanese online shops. It cannot be said often or loud enough how indispensable tenso is for fans of anything Japanese, their service is a true lifesaver! The H-el-ical// Online store even recommends using them! These days many Japanese sites accept foreign payment methods but one thing that’s still almost always required is a Japanese address. And that’s where tenso comes in. They will provide you for free with a Japanese address and phone number which you can use to register on almost any site. You can have your fan club stuff and purchased items sent to that address (the tenso warehouse) and they will then ship it to you. There are not a whole lot of shipping options available but that’s fine. Air Mail is definitely their best offer but if your package is too big you will end up having to choose EMS (which is quite pricey but typically very fast - not during the pandemic tho, at least not for Austria). A big advantage is the possibility to edit the package description. You can lower the value of your items to avoid import taxes and custom fees in your country. Please note that tenso does require an identity verification which might act as a deterrent but I can assure you, they are totally trust-worthy and reliable. I get a LOT of use out of them. Of course I have all my FC related stuff sent to their warehouse but tenso also came in handy for my orders on Tower Records Online, Animate Online and the Universal Shop/H-el-ical Shop/mu-mo Shop.

※ With the exception of the Universal Shop, I was able to pay at all the above mentioned stores with my foreign VISA.

2. Buyee

Another staple and the very first proxy service I ever used. You will need them in all those places that do not accept foreign payment methods (there are still too many out there unfortunately). Their customer service is impeccable and I have never had issues with them. They have gone as far as to contact Japanese stores on my behalf even though it is not part of their usual service. They offer a very wide range of features and shipping options, their service fees are also not too high (although I will admit that they have slightly increased throughout the years). They operate on so many different Japanese online shops, it’s rare to find a big store that does not collaborate with them. Also, if you want to thrift Kalafina related items, THIS is your go-to service. Be it Yahoo Auctions, Mercari or Suruga-ya, you can use Buyee on all those sites. They even have their own English user-interface for some of the major Japanese online stores and you can take advantage of their browser add-on which makes shopping a lot easier. The only downside is that they will not allow edits to the package value so if you live in a bureaucratic country like myself with very strict tax and custom regulations, you will have to make sure to send your packages wisely or just expect to pay quite a lot of fees. This time I used them to order my Wakana cover album copies from Rakuten Books (I REALLY wanted their tokuten). Since Buyee offers the biggest variety of shipping options, I got these copies before anything else, they were here super fast.

※ It’s funny how I am able to register my credit card for Rakuten Pay in order to purchase music on mora.jp but I cannot use that very same credit card to actually buy stuff on Rakuten.

3. WorldShopping

A fairly new service as far as I know but it seems like they are quickly expanding and trying to give Buyee a run for their money. Their banner has been popping up on almost all Japanese sites I have visited in the past few months but up until recently I wasn’t really feeling like trying a new service (I am always hesitant when it comes to new stuff). At least until I found myself in dire need of the Sofmap store specific tokuten for Wakana’s cover album XD. Unfortunately Sofmap does not accept foreign payment methods and Buyee also does not operate on their site so I took a leap of faith and made my purchase through WorldShopping since their banner looked so inviting. It was surprisingly straighforward since they are providing their own interface on the Japanese sites. I didn’t even have to go to the WorldShopping main page to register or anything before using the service. Their fees are acceptable but not exactly low. I was a little wary because I didn’t have a proper account but they did provide a link in the initial email where I could more or less keep track of everything. It took VERY long for my purchased item to be registered at their warehouse (for tenso and Buyee it takes around 1 day) and I didn’t get a notification email that it had arrived so those are not the best aspects of their service. The only shipping method they seem to offer is EMS (which again, is very pricey). Anyways, at the end of the day, my package arrived unscathed in Austria (including the tokuten) so I am a happy camper. While I will probably not be using their service regularly in the future I can still recommend WorldShopping to you with a clear conscience. But please keep in mind to check your status link regularly!

※ Please note that the WorldShipping interface in Japanese online shops overrides the site’s very own purchasing option so if you want to make an order using your own account with your tenso address and a domestic shipping method (let’s say in the mu-mo shop for example) you will have to deactive all WorldShopping services on the page.

4. HMV & BOOKS Online International Shipping

Another first for me. I had no idea they offered international shipping so when I saw the little button on KEIKO’s Lantana page, I couldn’t resist. Since Amazon.co.jp is no longer an option for me, I was desperate to find other stores that offered international shipping and tokutens. Unfortunately, their international shipping service is not a very good replacement for Amazon.co.jp since it takes VERY long. I registered as a guest and made my order without any trouble. I expected them to ship the item on the release day (or the day prior) but that was not the case. I am almost entirely sure that they use a “hidden” proxy service but still promote it as direct shipping. Which is why the process is taking so long. I think it wasn’t until the fifth day after the release date that I finally received the shipping confirmation. Also, don’t get thrown off by weird phrasing in their e-mails. They kept saying that they had shipped “the first part of my order” when in fact there was only one part. Since they only offered EMS as shipping option it once again took quite a while for the package to get to me even though the shipping fee was very high (please note that EMS is typically very fast but as I mentioned earlier, COVID-19 has changed everything). Overall, I can’t really complain about their service, if you are willing to wait a while, HMV International Shipping is definitely worth a try. HMV always have some of the best tokutens so be sure to check it out.

※ I originally tried to register properly but that turned out to be quite complicated so I recommend registering as a guest just like I did.

5. CDJapan

The first site I ever used to order Kalafina-items. I have never had issues with them. They are very reliable and of course the best thing is that they ship directly to your country. However, these days I hardly ever shop at CDJapan anymore because they rarely have tokutens. Also, items you purchase on their site will not be calculated into the daily and weekly sales data for Oricon music charts so that sucks. As you know, I want to support my girls as best as possible (and that means contributing to their chart numbers). Sometimes CDJapan do offer tokutens so they are definitely a viable option for foreign fans. They have lots of payment and shipping methods to choose from and typically their packages arrive very quickly. I bought Hikaru’s RE of “disclose” (only the LE came with tokutens) and one of my “Lantana” copies (CDJapan did in fact have a tokuten for that. YAY).

※ If for some reason, CDJapan isn’t your cup of tea or doesn’t work for you I think YESASIA is a good alternative. However, I haven’t used their service yet so I am not sure how reliable they are. They offer free shipping if your order total exceeds a certain amount so that’s definitely pretty neat!

6. Amazon.co.jp

Amazon.co.jp has been very reliable for the past few years but this year they have really let me down. Just like HMV they do offer an international shipping service but theirs is actually a DIRECT shipping service and it’s SUPER fast. Also they estimate the import/customs fees of your respective country and they charge a deposit which they can use to pay the customs office to speed up the shipping procedure. If this doesn’t happen, packages will usually end up being stuck at customs for a very long time until they have been processed. Last but not least, they often have some of the coolest and most unique tokutens. These are all reasons why I loved to use them but it seems like the pandemic screwed things up for many foreign fans. When I was logged in and checking the product pages of the Kala-solo-releases, they would either show me that everything was out of stock from the get-go or no longer shippable to my country. However, when I wasn’t logged in and checked the Japanese version of the product page I saw that there were in fact still copies available. Now that the pre-order period is over they seem to have restocked a little bit and some versions have finally become available again for foreigners. For example, I could now technically order the LE of “Lantana” with a tokuten. I really wonder why that stuff wasn’t there when I needed it *grumbles*

※ I am not 100% sure if the pandemic caused all these issues but I kinda hope that was the reason because that would mean that next year things will hopefully work fine again. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

[f-nodragonart]

Vertebrate Wings, PART 5: Full-body Integration

Return to main post + TOC >>HERE<<

Full-body Integration TOC

  Shoulder Placement

  Overall Integration

Shoulder Placement

Many fantastical flying creatures are hexapodal, with at least one set of wings along with four other limbs. This poses an interesting dilemma for artists, as there are no real-life animals with this sort of setup: how do you anchor the wings to the body?

The key to answering this is to keep in mind a critical note about wings that I hope I’ve made distinctly clear in my rambling in all previous sections-- wings are intricate, fully-fledged limbs. Not only that, but the fact that they’re locomotive limbs means that they must be anchored VERY solidly to the body (since, y’know, they’re throwing around the mass of the whole body from the points where they’re anchored). Wings CANNOT be treated like pasted-on decorations, if you want them to function correctly.

This in mind, my most important tip here is to absolutely NOT anchor the wing shoulders DIRECTLY ON TOP of the front limb shoulders.

For one, the wings will ALWAYS need quite a lot of chest/shoulder muscular connections. Wing shoulders need a LOT of muscle (relatively speaking) to power flight, particularly on the downstroke, so those shoulder muscles connecting down onto the chest need plenty of open room to anchor to the body. Plus, these muscles generally stretch a fair way down the chest cavity in order to help hold/stabilize the chest cavity in-flight (I’ll discuss this a bit more in the following Overall Integration sub-section, but flying bodies are generally stiff and compact for optimum flight design). And this need for muscular space is without even considering whether a particular design requires a keel or not!

Also note the needs of shoulder movement, depending on the design. Bat flight is highly versatile in part because of their rolling shoulders and general high range of shoulder flexibility. If bats couldn’t flex their shoulders to the same range due to there being a whole other set of limbs in the way (or even having to share a clavicle setup with another pair of limbs), they wouldn’t have near the same range of versatility. While this would likely be less of a problem for bird (and potentially pterosaur) flight due to the fused clavicles and subsequently less-versatile flight, I still think this would pose some issues for flight in general, if the wings had to function around a whole other set of limbs.

Setting aside the problems the wings themselves would face, the wing muscles would also interfere with the front limbs, in this hypothetical setup! If the front limbs were anchored properly to the base chest cavity (as they would absolutely need to be if they were to be used for anything involving locomotion, like walking/running), the wing muscles/bones stretching over/around these limbs would interfere with their range of motion, and likely their overall locomotive power as well. Now I could potentially see the front limbs perhaps detaching from the base chest cavity over time, and instead anchoring on top of the wing chest muscles (a little far-fetched still, but not impossible). However, without a strong anchor to the core body, these limbs would have very little strength (certainly not enough to hold up the body, in-motion or not) or range of shoulder motion, if any at all. thus, if anything, these limbs would likely be used for display or very light object manipulation at most. Think teeny T-rex arms, and you’ll get the picture (and even then, T. rex arms are still anchored to the chest cavity and have significant scapulae, soo..).

There’s no reason that wing musculature would warp itself around a set of limbs when the wings would simply not function correctly if there was another set of limbs in the way. And if the front limbs were evolutionarily ‘important’ enough to keep in the first place, there’s no reason that the front limbs would be forced to function nestled within fully-realized wing musculature (which, I must reiterate, would likely not be fully-realized in the first place if there were other limbs in the way).

Now, for quite a while I held onto the theory that wings could ONLY be anchored behind the front limbs rather than in front. I still believe that anchoring the wings behind the front limbs is the anatomically ‘safest’ way to go, especially for artists new to anatomy and creature design, but I’ve recently changed my opinion on the plausibility of wings in front or arms due to exactly one(1) piece of anatomical artwork shown below:

Drferox (collaborating with Shinydinosaurkingdom’s excellent artistic skills~) designed this Pegasus whose front limbs are actually behind the wings, and it actually works!! This may not seem exciting to anyone else, but I’ve literally NEVER seen this idea executed in a way that convinced me it was anatomically plausible, so I’m a little flustered. (if you’d like to see more of Shinydinosaurkingdom’s art and read up on Drferox’s explantion for their design decisions, I’d HIGHLY suggest checking out the link and digging into their blogs!)

Anyways, I’d like to note to other artists here that the ‘front’ limbs on this Pegasus have been shrunk down and pushed quite a-ways back from the front of the body, to the point that they’re useless for locomotion. This gives the chest muscles of the wings the proper room needed to stretch down onto the keel, and for the wings to rotate comfortably. If you want your dragon to be quadrupedal, I still hold that the only way this could work is with the wings behind the front limbs. However, if you like the idea of a bipedal hexapod, then this approach with the front limbs behind the wings seems an excellent idea!

Of course, this is all under the assumption that the wings have fully evolved perfectly into the hexapodal body plan. Evolution does not happen overnight, and it’s perfectly plausible that a set of “pre-wings” would not yet be properly based behind (or in front!) of the front limb shoulders in a certain species’ ancestry. This idea is best described in Swirlix’s discussion of potential hexapodal evolution from the lobe-finned coelacanth. But note, again, that this is a step along the way to powered flight, not the fully-realized structure for powered flight.

Overall Integration

Knowing where to base the shoulders is only half the battle! Remember how I explained in the previous sub-section that locomotive limbs have to throw around the weight of the whole body? This means that the wings’ motion actually drives the shape/structure of practically the entire rest of the body. Locomotion-- and especially flight-- involves the WHOLE body, so ya can’t just slap a set of wings onto any given body and expect that critter to fly. Some bodies need more integration than others, but integration is needed to some degree for ALL bodies.

Now I’m going to list out some things to keep in mind for flighted bodies, building off of some specevo I did for flighted humanoids in the past:

  1)      To lean slightly forward, even out of flight. This spine arrangement allows a more natural inclination to a horizontal position when flying. This position would extend to the neck as well, which could possibly: 1) be short and attach more towards the back of the skull, so that the head could comfortably look forward during horizontal flight, or 2) be long/flexible and attach to the bottom of the skull, with the elongated curve allowing the head to position itself forward comfortably when the body is horizontal.

This also allows more comfortable spinal flow and positioning for a tail, as discussed in the following point—

  2)      A tail. Whether bird or bat-winged, a tail is ~usually~ a helpful structure for powered flight. A tail extends the surface area of the wings (whether through tail feathers or membrane attachment) so that the whole body is supported in-flight. Sure, you could have your humanoid’s membrane attach down the legs, but unless you’re planning on drastically changing the humanoid’s leg structure and walking style (thus rendering the term “humanoid” less and less accurate), the legs aren’t going to be entirely suitable for flight in the same way a bat’s or pterosaur’s legs are.

Now, I will admit, there are bats without tails and/or tail membranes. However, you must take into account the human body plan, and how humanoid legs wouldn’t be able to tuck up against the body like a bird, or help with flight like a bat. Besides attaching the membrane to the legs themselves, the best way I can think of to help lift those legs in the air is to hold them up against a fanned tail during flight. Feathered/membranous tails are also a significant plus if you’re planning on giving your humanoids clothing—leg membrane could be a pain to work around compared to tail membrane.

  3)      A stiff spine with a compact, possibly midsagittally-flattened torso. While certain flyers may have more thoracic/lumbar (the vertebrae of the back/hip regions) flexibility than others, flyers tend to have pretty short/stiff torsos.

Birds probably represent the most extreme in this regard, as their lumbar vertebrae have fused to their hips to form the solid synsacrum, and their furcula/coracoids help hold their chest cavity open. I didn’t mention this in the Basic Anatomy section, but birds also have little projections that extend off the backs of their ribs to overlap proceeding ribs called uncinate processes. These are also believed to help hold the chest cavity open.

This stiffness is important because the chest is the base for wing muscles, which exert heavy thrusting power on the chest cavity during flight. The chest cavity may very well collapse under the strength of these muscles if it wasn’t at least a little stiff/compact. despite not necessarily being a base for wing muscles, the rest of the torso holds enough mass by way of hips+internal organs that the spine in that region needs a bit of stiffness/shortness as well, to help hold all that mass steady. Plus, stiff hips can provide more landing/takeoff stability (which leads into #4 below).

It’s also important for the torso to either be round or be flattened along the midsagittal plane (when looking at the ribcage from a head-on angle).

Human ribcages are a bit unique, since we’re flattened along the frontal plane, whereas a lot of other chordates (even other mammals) are flattened along the midsagittal plane due to various biomechanical factors (like how gravity affects quad torsos with legs based underneath the body, etc.).

Flying animals have torsos that are either round (bats, pterosaurs) or flatter along the midsagittal plane (birds, due to their deep keels). This provides a far more stable surface for the all-important wing shoulder muscles to attach to. A torso flattened along the frontal plane like a typical human likely wouldn’t provide the wing muscles a stable enough surface for proper thrust.

  4)      Digitigrade legs. They don’t necessarily need to be distinctly digitigrade—maybe even semi-digitigrade—but the extra joints can provide more cushioning support to absorb the force of landing and takeoff.

  5)      Body feather integration, if the wings are feathered. Since this is strictly a wing/flight guide, I’ve only described wing feathering in detail. However, keep in mind that birds are FULLY covered in feathers-- their wings aren’t the only limbs with feathers. If you give your creature feathered wings, there should be a least some form of feathering on the rest of the body too. Some sections could be bare or scaled instead, taking into account their uses (bird legs, for example, often have bare talon pads for gripping, hard-scaled legs, and bare stretchy skin around the eyes, etc.), but birds do have important feathering on the rest of their bodies.

I won’t be discussing these sections of feathers because I’d essentially have to describe an entire bird, just be sure to do some research into this feathering (and take pterylae into account).

Maybe your creatures won’t look exactly like your base animal (horse, wolf, human, etc.), but they’ll actually be able to FLY once you integrate their wings into their body plans! Plus, I’ve always found animal amalgamations like vanilla-typical pegasus and winged humanoids to be boring as hell—I want creatures that look like their own unique species, not some knock-off brand of another!

But really, the main takeaway here is this—flight is a primarily horizontal endeavor (barring special hovering cases, as we’ve discussed) that exerts heavy forces on the core body. If you want humanoids (or any animal) to fly, they usually need to 1) adapt to a horizontal lifestyle (if they aren’t already horizontal), and 2) have a strong/compact/stable core structure.

If you’d like some more ideas for wing integration, this video is a fantastic 3d overview of basic bird anatomy and some of the adaptions the body has made for flight.

-Mod Spiral

[onlynight-onlylight]

The Dawn Before Sunrise is The Darkest of All

Words: 6,1K

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader / You, slight Namjoon x Reader / You, Jungkook

Genre: Fluff, Angst -- back and forth timeline, breakup, Namjoon & Jungkook are muscle bros, cute Jungkook for help

Summary: Small misunderstanding leads you to big mistake. You never thought it will make you lose him. He’s gone without a goodbye. It’s a bad bye.

Playlist suggestion: RM ft eAeon - Badbye, RM - Trivia: Love, Heize ft Giri Boy (Prod SUGA) - We Don’t Talk Together, Pink Sweat$ - At My Worst

Note: I want to try something different but I’m not sure if this is a success or failure. Lol. I put small amount of angst in here, hmm maybe a little too much compare to my other writings. But yeah, I’m trying new things. And happy birthday Yoongi! What Yoongi wants what Yoongi gets!

You sigh. You stand in front of your wardrobe. There’s visible contrast between your clothes and his. You can feel the pain on your chest. For the love you let go, you live like in hell for a month. You have no reason to live right after he walks out of your life. No calls, no messages, no news from him. You hate him. But then, you worry something might happen to him more. You grab the sleeve of his long coat.

“Where’d you go?”

[January]

 “Stay” Yoongi whispers with his eyes closed.

“We have to get ready”

“Ten minutes. Just stay like this for ten minutes”

You grant his wish and stay on the bed with him. You lie patiently on your back. He sleeps while facing you, hugging you on the waist.

“When we arrive at your home, I will barely hold you for the next two days”

You caress his face and he leans to you.

“They know we live together, maybe this time they will let you sleep with me instead of staying in guest room”

“Nah, your father won’t let me”

“But he likes you”

Yoongi opens his eyes. His sleepiness is gone and leaves him with laziness.

“It doesn’t mean he wants a man to sleep with his daughter under his nose”

You laugh after hearing Yoongi’s comment. He always has something to say and it hits home. Your father indeed likes Yoongi. They can talk for hours while your mom and you are preparing food. But sleeping together or showing skinship are whole different things for him.

“Did he say something to you?”

“Hmm…”

Yoongi pretends to think. You know there’s something between the two men after your last visit. Both of them seem to want it staying as secret. He supports his head with his right hand and looks at me with serious face.

“You don’t have to know”

“Ugh. Did you guys plan something fishy?”

Yoongi’s face comes closer to you. Being together for a year doesn’t make you less affected by him and his aura. Even he looks so casual and cute after waking up, your heart can’t help but to beats faster.

“Yes. We plan something fishy like fishing on the sea next month without you” he whispers while teasing you.

“No way, Dad won’t leave me behind” you whisper back to him.

“Yes way” he says before kissing you.

 It starts slow and steady. The ten minutes requested by Yoongi has passed but you don’t really care. You have enough time to get ready before 1 night and 2 days trip for Lunar New Year to your parents’ home. His fingers touch your skin softly under your t-shirt.

“Yoongs”

Yoongi stops kissing you and puts smirk on his face.

“We should stop, right? We can’t let your parents waiting” he says before kissing your forehead and gets up. You can hear his laugh when he walks away.

“Min Yoongi!”

  You stay on your bed, looking at the ceiling. Somehow, you feel more tired after waking up. You may expertise in taking a deep breath now. It helps you holding in your tears. Your phone ringing shatters your scrambling thoughts. You don’t want to let your hope up but deep inside, you pray you’ll hear something from him in every single call or text anyone made to you.

 “Hey, you’re awake?”

“Hmm. Any good news?”

You hear nothing for two seconds before he answers. You know he carefully picks his words.

“I’m sorry but I have nothing for that. But Mom tells you to come today. Dad just bought a fresh tuna this morning, randomly. So, we’ll have sushi party”

“Joon, I-“

“This is a compulsory, no refusal is accepted. I’ll come at ten so get yourself a good bath and breakfast”

“Okay, thanks Joon”

“It’s nothing. See you”

You’re not moving from your previous position for another 5 minutes before getting ready. You look at your pictures with Yoongi, smiling widely to each other.

“I miss you”

 On the other side, Namjoon exhale a deep breath. He massages his temple. Honestly, it pains him to see you like this. You look soulless and pale, your smile never reaches your eyes. He keeps you on his watch because he’s worry, because no Yoongi is around for you. He sips on his morning coffee and open the message app. There’s one particular message that he keeps coming back to.

 N: Do you love her?

Y: I do. You know I love her more than anything, even my own life

N: Then stop torturing her

N: If you can’t make her happy, I will.

 *

 Namjoon smiles when he sees you. He hugs you when you arrive at his car. He’s the one who knows the whole story between Yoongi and you.

“Come on, the tuna is waiting” he says, making you smile.

 You and Namjoon are friends for the last 3 years. Joining the book club at the city library might be the best decision you made that year because you met Joon there. You were amazed at his choice on books and the thoughts after reading it. You always know he is the smartest man you’ve met. He surprises you more when he said he also makes music and writes his own lyrics. There’s no such thing as a perfect man in real life, it’s only happened in drama. But then Namjoon exists to prove you wrong.

 You spent more time with Joon outside the book club. He treated you so well like the gentleman he was. After knowing each other for a year, he often took you to his studio. Just when you thought you have a crush on him, you met Yoongi. Joon were working on collaboration projects with two talented artists, Hoseok and Yoongi. You saw it somewhere in the online community website that the infamous three rappers would do a collaboration series by spoiler from RM. It was definitely huge thing and everyone was waiting with high expectation. As you figured that Joon was RM, you notice that Hoseok was J-Hope and Yoongi was SUGA. After that, you often met them at Joon’s studio and got closer.

 “So, Mom and Dad are trying to be Japanese sushi chefs right now, with Jungkook as their assistant. Basically, they trust Jungkook and his youtube’s manual”

You laugh with him. You can imagine the situation of his parent’s house right now.

“He’ll be saying ‘you can trust me on this’ while watching how to slice tuna belly on youtube”

“That’s exactly what happened”

You feel thankful to Namjoon. He’s not giving you the pity looks that you’ve got from others. He’s the first person you ask when Yoongi went missing. But Yoongi is not in Joon’s studio or home. You also come to Hoseok’s place but he’s just as clueless as you.

 *

 “Welcome! Welcome!” shouts Jungkook when you step inside the house. You can’t help but laugh at him. Mr. & Mrs. Kim come out from the kitchen and strike a pose with Jungkook. They wear similar scarf on their head and black apron on their waist. You clap your hand excitedly and make them feel proud.

“Let’s move to the dining table before Jungkook eats them all. He keeps making excuses that the cutting line is not good enough before dump them to his mouth”

“Mom, I want to give Y/N noona the best sushi only”

“Do you believe that?” asks Joon to you.

“I highly doubt it”

Your answer makes Jungkook looks at you with his large doe eyes. Before he can protest, Mr. Kim rushes us to go and get ready to eat.

 Y/N noona is fine. Looks tired but still fine. Hope you’re here with us.

Message sent

  [D-30]

 You sit lazily on his sofa, seeing he works hard through his back. You can hear him humming to his new song. You smile to yourself, enjoying this Yoongi. When you come to his studio, he always let you to hang around. He will ask your opinion to the music he made, but it’s never love songs. You, once, asked him why he never let you hear any of his love songs. You remember he smiled.

‘Remember when I accidentally stand behind you when you write? What did you do then?’

‘I tell you to not look because it’s not finished yet and… I’m too shy to let you, the source of my idea watching me work’

‘That works the same with my love songs. I can’t present it to you unfinished’

He is working on his mixtape which will be released a month from now. He wants it to be perfect so he does it very carefully.

 “Babe”

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Just order the food and eat here, okay? I’ll be finished soon” he says. But he has been saying the same thing for an hour and half now.

“Okay, but you’ll have to eat with me”

“I can’t, baby. I’ll eat later”

You stand and walk to him. He has no intention to get rest even for a minute. You know this is very important for him, but you don’t like to see him having lack of sleep. You know he’s been skipping meals on most days but he won’t tell you that.

“Stop skipping meals… at least when I am here, will you?” you say, almost whispering. You want him to do as you say but you don’t want to argue with him. Not when he needs much time to focus.

His fingers stop working. He sighs and turns his attention to me. He looks tired.

“I’ll try my best to eat and sleep between the breaks, okay?”

He tries to reassure you and you can only nod.

“I know Joon snitching to you, but he’s just exaggerating”

 Yoongi stands up and opens his arms for you. You settle yourself on his embrace. He’s the one who sets you in worry, but he’s also the one who can put you at ease. Yoongi is your person. You never feel this way with other people including your exes. He is special.

“Let’s just go home, then eat and cuddle. I can always overtime start tomorrow anyway”

You just give him your bright smile as approval and making him showing you his gummy smile. You always think you are perfect for each other.

  Sera waves her hand in front of you, pulling you back to the current time. The time with no Yoongi around you, the time that pains you much.

“Eat more, okay?”

“I will”

You take another spoon of rice and continue to eat. Your colleagues resume the conversation. You try to keep up with them and give responses.

“Will Namjoon pick you up again today?” ask Hyojoon.

“No, he’s busy. Why, you miss him already?” tease you to her. She blushes and it looks cute to you.

“It’s not like that” defends her.

You and Sera laugh, satisfied with her reaction.

“It’s fine. Namjoon is attractive man, it’s very normal to put your interest in him. I can promote him to you all day long if you want”

“Y/N~”

They know about Yoongi and they always try to help you in any way. Sometimes you can feel their pity but they try their best to hide it. You still feel grateful to have them.

“But honestly Y/N, have you and Namjoon, you know, crush on each other?” asks Sera.

“I think I admire him a lot since early of our friendship. But I don’t think we have that romantic feeling”

“Hmm you sure?” asks Hyojoon.

“Why are you asking? You really like Namjoon, huh?”

“I… I find him very attractive but I always feel he looks at you differently so…”

You only smile before responding to her.

“I have Yoongi, don’t you remember?”

  [D-15]

 Two weeks flies so fast for Yoongi, but feels so long for you. You barely meet him while living under the same roof. He is back when you sleep. Sometimes, you both greet each other in the morning, on the way to work for you and sleep for Yoongi. Other times, you don’t even talk. Yoongi often goes back to home looks annoyed. You can see his frustration and sour mood. He tells you to visit him less because he needs his full attention on his work. And now, he’s been sleeping on the studio for 3 days straight. You prepare his clothes and some snack so he can focus on working because you know how precious music for him. You want the best for him even though it may hurt you in the process.

 You are a meter away from his studio’s door when it’s suddenly opened. You see Suran going out.

“Oh, Y/N!” Suran greets you cheerily, then hugs you.

“How are you, onni?” you ask. It’s been long time to see her after Yoongi’s first mixtape. You envy her for being great singer and work together with your boyfriend.

“I’m busy, but not as busy as your man”

We both laugh as knowing how Yoongi is.

“Are you working for this mixtape too?”

She shakes his head, and then stands closer to me.

“Yoongi is working another song for me, it will be on my album. But this is top secret so…”

She pretends to zip her mouth and asks me to do the same. She, then, cups my face and look at me so dearly.

“You’re so cute. Now, I won’t take your time, go lovey dovey with the lover boy”

 You just laugh then wave at her. You punch the code of his studio’s door and come in.

“Do you leave something behind, noona?” ask Yoongi with bright tones. The tones that you haven’t heard for days.

You just stand there with a backpack of Yoongi’s clothes and other bag full of snacks. You try processing the studio’s appearance. You spot his jacket on the chair next to him, blanket on the sofa, cans of beer on the table with lipstick stain on some. To mistaken you for another woman mean you’re not the only girl who knows his password. The password he used to keep as secret.

 As I’m not answering his question, he looks back and finds me standing awkwardly.

“Oh, you came? I’m thinking of coming home early today”

You try to be calm and not to dwell on things that might be not happened.

“Baby, are you okay?”

You put both of your luggage down. The tears are pooling on your eyes, threatening to fall. You can see Yoongi walks to you and you unconsciously take one step back. He stops and be on alert.

“I…”

Your voice won’t come out. The tears speak for you instead. Yoongi takes another step closer. You hold out your hand, telling him to stop. You really don’t want to hurt him with your harsh words when you can’t even think.

“I didn’t do anything that would hurt you, please don’t doubt me”

You try to stop the tears and listen to him but you’re too hurt to do that.

“We have to talk, I’ll answer all of your questions but you won’t listen to anything now”

Yoongi knows you very well. You both know you’re holding each other rage hidden to save this relationship. Fire and water. Yoongi is used to cool the hot-headed me down at most times. He puts my fire away when it becomes bigger and brings danger. But this time, it seems different. You can forgive anything but not cheating. You mention this to Yoongi on your early days together.

 You look at him in the eyes, tears keep streaming down your face. You can see worry on his face but his jaw tense as if he’s angry. Is it your fault? Aren’t you allowed to be jealous?

“I’m going” you say walking back to the door.

“Y/N”

His voice stops your hand from turning the door’s handle. He sighs and speaks slowly.

“I’m not coming home tonight, or until you want to listen to my side of story”

You choose to leave him. You choose to not listen to him. The person who understands you the most, who loves you the most. You know you’ll regret it once you clear your head but your ego is too big to realize. You’re out of his studio without looking back.

You stare blankly at your window. The lights from the others buildings and houses feel so far today. You wonder, is Yoongi in one of them? Is he okay? Is he… happy? Single tear escapes your eye. You don’t want to give up on him, you don’t want to let him go. But if letting him away from you brings him happiness then you have no other options.

You sigh. Your phone buzz, a message from Jungkook comes.

Noona, hyung is coming back

(Heize Returns with “We Don’t Talk Together” Produced by SUGA and Featuring Giri Boy)

You open the news link as fast as you can. You read the whole article in seconds.

“You’re alive. You’re okay. Thanks God”

Your emotion is coming out at once. The relief, happiness, sadness, rage, and other unidentified emotions are becoming one. Your mental can’t bear all of them so you’re breaking down. You’re crying hard. It’s even harder than the day you fail university exam in your mother’s arms.

“Why don’t you say anything? At least read my messages. I’m worried to death, Yoongi”

You open the messages you sent to him. All of them are left unread, even until now. The world may not know what happened, but Yoongi has been missing from your world, from your life.

You keep crying until you tired and sleep on the sofa. You don’t know that the number 1 on your message has gone. Yoongi read all of your message while you are sleeping.

Namjoon’s thumb hovers over the call button. He wants to check Y/N’s condition after seeing the news. Heize is a big singer in the industry so it’s impossible to Y/N not knowing this. Part of him feels guilty for being greedy over her, but he just hate to see her being like this. He searches another name on his contact and dial the number.

“Let’s meet”

“Yeah, I have something to talk too”

“Where do you want to meet, Yoongi?”

Jungkook slams the door open. He looks at her brother with rage. How can his brother pretend to not knowing anything about Yoongi’s whereabout to Y/N when he knows everything. As he lives together with his brother for a year now, he becomes close to his friends. He knows his brother treats Y/N differently but he never think of another reason than Y/N is the only woman on their group. He’s sure his brother has another motive now. Is Namjoon crushing on Y/N? Is he the one who makes them separated? How can he stand seeing Y/N hurt like that? Jungkook keeps trying to contact Yoongi’s phone but it always fails.

“Explain to me, no excuses”

“Okay, but you need to calm down and sit”

Namjoon take a deep breath before explaining everything to his little brother. Jungkook respects him a lot as brother and musician, but he also see Yoongi as his mentor in music.

“Y/N and Yoongi got into big fight two weeks before D-2 was released. Yoongi stressed about the album, thought fight wasn’t really necessary. But Y/N thought Yoongi didn’t care about her and choose to shut her out from his life”

Jungkook listens intently, he doesn’t want to miss anything.

“It was just misunderstanding but it was critical for their relationship. Suran explained it to Y/N as she was the key of the fight but at that time Yoongi has gone missing.”

“But I work in the same industry, I know he’s there. I get his new number from the company. He comes to see Y/N from a far sometimes. But I don’t want to be involved further in their relationship”

“I loved Y/N, I did. I always tried to impress her, to make her laugh. But that was before she met Yoongi. The time I see twinkle in her eyes when she saw Yoongi, I knew the game is over”

“Is it really over, hyung?”

“I thought it would. I promised myself to be her bestfriend wherever she needs me. But when Yoongi gone and seeing her world broke apart, I couldn’t just sit and watch her”

Jungkook remembers the last song his brother release 6 months ago. The love song named Trivia: Love. The project collaboration with Hoseok and Yoongi. He still loves her. The feeling doesn’t stop in the past. It’s growing without his brother knowing.

I’m just human. You erode all my corners and make me into love.

Though the distance between I and U is long

F*** JKLMNOPQRST

I crossed all the letters and reached you

Look, mine and yours also sound the same

Though that doesn’t make me you,

I’d like to be a part of your book

I’d like to get involved in your novel

as your lover

“Why is my genius brother becoming an idiot?” ask Jungkook.

Namjoon just laughs. He thanks Jungkook in his head as he’s no longer mad. To be honest, Jungkook is his biggest supporter to keep doing music. If Jungkook turns his back to him, he thinks he can’t go far.

“I’ll talk to Yoongi. I’ll make sure he gives what Y/N deserve to get”

*

Yoongi sits in the meeting room with Heize, Giri Boy and marketing team members. They monitor the public response after the collaboration articles are out. One screen shows the comments on news portal and the other shows view numbers and live comments on the music video. The feedback is super positive and it brings relief to the team. Yoongi feels proud to himself. There’s one particular person he wants to share this feeling right now. Someone important in his life that is even more important than the life itself.

“The mixtape is getting the attention too, that’s great” says the head of marketing team. Yoongi offers them his shy smile.

“Exposure is indeed great, but I hope they like the music”

“I’m sure they will. This is Min SUGA PD we’re talking about” says Heize that supported by others.

“If this keeps going up, then we should really make another project” adds the manager.

“Okay. Let’s wrap it up now and schedule the team dinner on the next Friday”

The meeting is dismissed and Yoongi rushes to go to somewhere. He prepares himself for the worst but he won’t give up. He can’t give up. He will hold her hand until the end. He will run after her. He won’t do the same mistake. He arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

[D-Day]

You keep monitoring Yoongi’s agency updates for his mixtape. Today, the countdown is supposed to be D-2. Two days before you can finally meet Yoongi and talk about everthing. You know your close friends are aware that something happened between you and Yoongi but you think it will be okay soon. You sleep less, hoping to see him coming through the door. You endlessly open and close your phone, waiting for his text or call.

You get new notification, informing the newest mixtape is out now. It’s quite a surprise but it means good news. You can meet Yoongi sooner than you expect. Out of happiness, you try to call him. This will be the first call after the fight, after two weeks.

“Please answer the call”

“The number you are calling-“

You keep trying to call him but you keep connected to his mailbox. You send some messages but no response. You try, and then you wait. You keep doing it, but you can’t reach him. You grab you purse and leave the home.

You stand in front of his studio. The bad memories come back at you. You push the pass code slowly, thinking Yoongi is inside. Thinking that you can finally meet him makes you nervous. The door is open and you rush yourself to go in. But no one’s there. No Yoongi, not even his equipment. He’s gone.

Yoongi arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

“I really want to punch you when I see your text, but I don’t want to start a game that I know I’m going to lose. I should’ve gone to the gym with you and Hoseok back then”

Namjoon shakes his head and smile.

“The feeling is mutual. I stop myself from beating you up because I don’t want her to hate me more than she hates you”

They both laugh. They are brother after all.

“Thank you for being there for her. I’m ashamed to admit this but I don’t deserve her. I see how she’s not being herself and it pains me”

“She’s not giving up on you”

“I know and that’s why I want to come back with a better version of me. So I can tell people that I deserve her, I can give her happiness”

“You include me in that ‘people’ category?” Namjoon asks.

“Number 1 on the list” Yoongi answers with laugh.

Both of them sit in the silence. Too many things come across their minds. This will be the closure for Namjoon’s unrequited love, while new beginning for Yoongi.

“Just don’t do the same mistake, Yoongs. I’ll take her from you if this shit happens in the future and you, you’ll be the one who can’t see and hear anything from her”

“I swear I won’t repeat the same mistake so you can go and fall in love with someone else, not mine”

*

You open your eyes. The sun has risen so high to remind you another day has come. You thank God when realize that today is Saturday. You can avoid people from your workplace curiosity about your puffy eyes. You look at your phone screen. You really want to call him again but you’re afraid of the failure this time. You turn it on and open the lock. Almost every one you know sends you message but nothing from him. You have no energy to cry, so you just put it back and leave to the bathroom.

An hour later, you sit on your sofa again with you light lunch. You remember Namjoon always reminds you that whatever happens you have to stuff your mouth with food even when you don’t want to. You don’t aware that your phone continuously vibrates.

“Jungkook?”

“Noona, you’re home?”

“Yeah. Whats wrong? Are you… are you running?” you ask. Jungkook laugh and you hear his rush steps.

“Noona, meet me in front of your apartment. Hurry up! We don’t have much time”

“Hey, JK. If it’s one of your pranks I won’t fall for it”

“Noooo. I don’t do pranks again. Please believe me and come down”

You really have no energy to do anything yet Jungkook asking you to go out. You grab the black cardigan and layer it on your white t-shirt. It’s ends of June already but you always feel cold. Your wear glasses to hide your eyes. You bring your small bag and phone to meet Jungkook. If it’s nothing important, you swear you will give him a long speech. No more ‘I’ll forgive you because you’re cute’ again.

He brings you to the brunch café nearby. The café you used to visit with Yoongi. The last visit must be three months ago, when everything was still okay.

“Why we’re here?” you ask Jungkook who focuses on menu book. He doesn’t answer your question but calling the waiter. He orders 5 main dishes with 1 dessert.

“I want to try the dishes you recommend to me”

“All of them?”

“Yes, I can eat them all in one sitting. Besides, I have you here, so I have no worry on my plate”

“I’ve had my lunch” you say. Jungkook rises an eyebrow.

“Are you considering cereal with milk as your lunch? Oh please, noona. As the cereal mania, I’m offended”

You only laugh because you’ve got caught. You indeed just eat cereal for living these days.

Jungkook keeps babbling and you can only smile. You listen to his story and it does help to enlighten you. The food is coming one by one. When the last plate is placed, he cocks his head and look at you with his sparkling deer eyes. He asks me to eat with him and not to only watch him eating.

“Did you listen to the new song?” he asks. You stop for a while before looking at him.

“I slept early last night and woke up late”

“Would you listen to it?” he asks carefully.

You don’t answer his question and play with the food. You’re not sure if it’s the best choice to do.

“Would you give it a chance, noona?”

He begs to you with his eyes. He holds your hand, giving you strength to go on.

“I’ll be here. I’ll help you with anything”

Jungkook gives his phone and airpods to me. He encourages me to listen to it while he’s here with me. I take few deep breaths before click the play button.

I’m sorry, was I too harsh?

I’m way too fearless

I don’t know, I don’t know

Maybe I thought you’d comfort me

So I played hard to get

But when you’re not here

Everything crashes down

So with a blank face

I built a house

My footsteps are getting heavier

I can’t walk anymore

I can’t just let you go like this

But I can’t open my mouth

You listen to his melody. You listen to his lyrics. His song speaks to you. The key in relationship is communication but both you and Yoongi have failed. You two try to be considerate for the other person but it only pushes you away farther from each other. You look up at Jungkook, he gives you reassuring smile.

*

You’re back to the scariest place for you. His studio. Jungkook holds your shoulder from the back. You don’t realize that you are trembling. Your body remember the pain and it scares you.

“Everything will be okay” chants Jungkook repeatedly to make you believe him.

Your hand is still trembling and puts the code one by one. You remember what Suran tolds you.

‘We all know Yoongi is deeply in love with you so we kind of guessing his password. Then he officially tells everyone who is in the mixtape project including me for easy access. I’m sorry Y/N, I really am’

The door is open. Jungkook gives you another soft pat, supports you from behind. You take a step inside. You hear low sound of music. You can smell very familiar scent filling the room. All the equipment and decorations back to the room. You can see a figure sits on the chair looking at the monitor. You hold your breath. You’re scared that all of this is just your sweet dream.

“Y-Yoongi”

The man turns around. He smiles. Yoongi looks paler than the last time you saw him. His face looks thinner, dark circles appear more visible than before. He stands and walks to you.

“You came?”

“You’re here. You’re really here”

“I’m here. I will never leave again”

You really don’t want to cry. You’re tired for all the crying you did these months. He opens his arms widely, ready to embrace you again. He regrets to ever think leaving you will make you happier. He is in deep resentment to think he can live normally without you beside him.

“I’m sorry” says Yoongi softly. You hug him tight, you’re afraid he will disappear to thin air.

“No, I’m sorry”

Yoongi lifts my face to look at him.

“It takes me too long to be confident in being your boyfriend. I punish myself for being a fool to hurt you like that. But I just hurt you more”

“I shouldn’t doubt you that day. I can’t bear myself with the thought of losing you”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I should’ve told you everything. Do you forgive me?”

You nod and hug him again.

“We make mistake, but we learn from it. We will make a new beginning and be together forever”

*

Yoongi fills you in for the days he absents from your life. How he tried to focus on finishing the mixtape album, how he gave all the best that he can for Heize new song, how he barely lived without you. You don’t miss the chance to punch his arms or chest whenever you think he’s an idiot. He takes it all, he thinks he deserves more than just light punch from you.

“Honestly, I’m afraid that you won’t take me back. That you start to think Joon is better than me”

“Hey!” you slap his chest. He laughs.

“I trust you but I don’t trust Joon. He had crush on you before you meet me, you know. If we didn’t meet, maybe he is the best person for you to be with”

“It’s all in the past, right? I hope Joon meet someone who loves him sincerely”

Yoongi pulls you to him, pastes your back to his chest. He hugs you tight and doesn’t answer your question. He is actually very scared to lose Y/N to his bestfriend. He doesn’t want you to know that Namjoon is still crushing on you. He, once, thinks that Namjoon loves you as much as he does.

He kisses your temple every time you stop talking. You find it cute and crave him more. You turn your head to him and kiss him on the lips. He just smiles.

“I miss you”

“I miss you more”

“Not sure about that. I miss you more than you miss me”

You love this Yoongi. No, you just love Yoongi and being with Yoongi, whatever side or color of him he shows to you.

“Can I meet your parents tomorrow?”

“My parents? Why?”

You fully turn your body to him. You feel nervous and nausea waiting for him answer. You are the fire and he is the water. When you easily pop small tantrums, Yoongi is very calm and gives you another insight.

“I need to talk to them, it’s very important”

“Should I, I don’t know, prepare something or anything?”

“No. Your presence is enough”

*

You finally sleep in peace. No more nightmares or waking up in the middle of the nights. You sleep so comfortably with Yoongi beside you. Both of you made a promise last night, to communicate better so you can understand each other better too. You promise to yourself, to not give in to your negative thoughts. You leave Yoongi who sleep soundly to make breakfast.

You inform your parents about your arrival. Your mom and dad are home, waiting for you and Yoongi. You can see Yoongi is more nervous than usual. You think that he may still blame himself and feel guilty to your parents. As much as your parents love you and be very protective, they won’t interfere your love live. They fully give the freedom to you.

You sit with Yoongi in front of your father after settling the drinks for the four of you. Your mother only smiles, while your father gives his scary face. Yoongi sit politely with his two hands upon his knees.

“Have you thought about it?” asks your father.

“Yes, sir”

You look back and forth between Yoongi and your father. This is the secret, the one that you asked Yoongi before. There’s indeed something between the men that you don’t know. You steal a glance to your mom, asking for the hint. Seems like you’re the only person who clueless.

“Then?”

“Please give your daughter’s hands to me. I may make mistake and being stupid but I will make her happy as long as she stays with me”

Your eyes go wide. You open your mouth just to close it again. You have so many things to say yet you can’t say anything. Your father smiles, half smirking, to Yoongi.

“Take you long enough, son”

[batfam-big-bang]

Batfam Big Bang Official Statement Regarding Recent Issues

We have seen the post made in regards to concerns surrounding this bang. We stand by our previous statements (x,x,x,x), and we regret only that the post created in issue with the mods caused so much anxiety for those tagged in it. Fortunately, the tags have now since been removed, so we are hoping to move on from this and carry on our event with the positive environment we have continued to aim for.

We would like to add that we are not professionals armed with an entire trained PR team and are doing our very best in a situation we are not properly prepared for. We are very human, and frankly we are just comic books nerds—all of us young and new and trying our best. We implore you to see us as we are, and not as what River is painting us out to be. 

Despite this, we are trying our best to be as professional as possible with no training and limited experience. Here are some of the measures we’ve put in place to ensure the utmost safety for our participants (some of which we’ve had since the beginning, some of which have been in response to River’s initial concerns before the public post was made, and some in response to the post itself): we have created channels for each team to use as they please to communicate during our event with the mods available at all times; adults can specify if they don’t want to work with minors, and vice versa; we have made our open door policy explicitly clear; the over 18/under 18 roles are used to protect minors from adults bringing up inappropriate topics in front of them + nsfw content is not allowed in our server; we have marked writers who are minors in our spreadsheet to keep track of who is an adult writer; we just implemented the rule that minors can’t work on M works with adult writers. Many of these things are unique to the Batfam Big Bang and are not seen in any other big bang events. 

Our bang will protect those participating by ensuring there is mod supervision for every team. It is not and never was our intention that minors would be left alone with adults; teams are provided channels within our server for communication, and any writer that wishes to create a separate server will now be required to include a mod in the invite. Our mods will continue to be around if anyone has any questions or concerns. You can contact us in the official bang’s askbox, through the server, or direct messages on Discord.

We will provide more specific responses to the points made in the “call out post” below the cut for those interested.

“Minors in the group were forcibly outed by the mods on Discord.”

We were asked to include the above/under 18 question in a previous bang, and we figured the issue would come up again and so preemptively included it. We also asked for names and pronouns so that people could feel safe and welcomed. We did not think we needed to specify that pseudonyms were fine. These roles, on the whole, were never required, although they were encouraged. Anyone who felt uncomfortable disclosing any of that information would not be forced to.

“Sign of cult-mind: Repeating the same phrase almost verbatim in response to unrelated questions.”

Many questions asked were related, and many of our “rote responses” were our mods attempting to stick to the same answers and policies. We had blanket responses for similar questions so as to ensure that our lines did not get crossed. All the mods responded similarly because we all communicated on the issues raised. Every question goes through the entire mod group.

“She added that the mods did not want to publicly address potential predator safety issues because they did not want to ‘plant the seed’ in someone’s mind. NEWS FLASH: Pedophiles are always actively seeking out new victims. Always. They are especially looking for groups and communities where they have easy, unsupervised access to children. Discussing safety protocols does not ‘plant the seed’ to abuse in their minds - it deters potential abuse because predators realize that the community is on guard and actively seeking to protect their children.”

We are very sorry that what we were trying to say was misconstrued, so we will try to be as clear as we can now: we do not want to “plant the seed” in minors’ minds and make them paranoid and anxious about interacting with adults in a safe and fun event. We were afraid that making an announcement as such would do little but cause anxiety. We were not incorrect, as River’s post has now caused many of our participants anxiety, which we were trying to avoid in the first place.

“participants will be pm’ing each other” + “adults being alone”

Participants will never face a situation that calls for one on one interaction. Groups will be between 5-7 people, and as this is a collaborative event all will be in contact with each other together. It was never our intention that adults + minors would be alone. Communication would always be done in groups, and we were always planning on providing places for that to happen within our server. We, of course, cannot guarantee 100% that it will never happen by choice, but that can happen in any server where two people click and want to take a conversation to dms. As far as we know, we are the only big bang event that hosts the team chats in the main server instead of having all teams make their own private chats (the only other being the Percy Jackson Big Bang, which is run by two of our mods, Jay and Shelby).

“*Note - I received no response to this message, despite the group announcement on Tumblr stating how open the mods supposedly are to any and all concerns” + “My notes in response to the above blog announcement, which received no response from mods.”

I did not respond to River’s last message to me as I was leaving for a trip the next day. I wanted time to formulate a response and so did not respond immediately, and then was preoccupied with travelling. So, my apologies, River, for not responding promptly, I suppose that is on me. Our other mods were available if you were particularly anxious. - shelby

The day after that final direct message was sent, mod Shelby went on vacation. They were not particularly active in the server at all in the period following, between that DM and the post. And the replies pictured were at that point what we considered crossing the line into harassment territory, and therefore we did not want to address it with River in an effort to not invite more argument on her part against us.

“* Notes - What concerns me first of all is that the mods are treating children as if they are adults. Children are not adults.”

Children are not adults, but they are deserving of respect and trust, just like any other human being we encounter in a collaborative experience such as this. Just like it’s expected of minors to respect adults in turn, it’s expected of adults to respect minors. And there is a wide spectrum of an eight-year-old minor versus a sixteen or seventeen-year-old minor. It would be reductive to treat one the same as the other. We tried to give both minors and adults the respect we felt they warranted, as people used to dealing with and navigating the internet and fanfiction communities.

“At the very least, know that this is not a community that takes your safety seriously. I also encourage adults to leave the event, too, because say someone gets abused - do you really want to be identified with a group that happens in? Uh, no.”

Minors, we take your safety and you as a person seriously. And adults, if you don’t trust yourself to act appropriately around minors, then yes, you can go ahead and leave. But our event is meant to foster an environment of content creation and collaboration, and we think that it is important that minors have healthy interactions with adults. Minors having those experiences can be incredibly beneficial, as touchstones to compare unhealthy and predatory interactions against, and both parties are people. There is a wide range within the title of ‘minor’ and wide range within ‘adult’. Yes, age of legality matters, but there is a grayscale. Isolating one group from another takes away the good impact that can come from adults and minors having healthy relationships, and, simply, is impossible.

We want you to be safe. We want to respect you. So we are respecting you in our trust that you know to, and will, tell us when your safety is in question, so we can help address it.

[cxhnow]

Chloe x Halle on Sister Style, Working With Beyoncé, and Finding Creativity 

Chloe x Halle’s creativity is thriving, even during the pandemic. The two sisters have just had to think outside of the box in terms of executing the projects they’ve undertaken during lockdown.

The singers released their new album, Ungodly Hour, back in June and have pulled off several amazing at-home performances to go with it. This poolside performance of their single “Do It” is a must-see, and was entirely shot in their backyard in L.A. The duo have also been experimenting with fashion along the way, wearing hot-off-the-runway Balmain looks for their Instagram Live chats, and custom Zana Bayne cage dresses for their part in a virtual YouTube commencement special.

In addition to serving up their new music and performances, Chloe x Halle also became Fendi’s newest campaign stars. They helped creative-direct new images and a video, which pay tribute to the Italian label’s Peekaboo bag. (You guessed it, the campaign, titled #MeAndMyPeekaboo, was shot at their home.) It’s the latest undertaking that proves this duo can truly do it all as a two-woman show, both in front and behind the camera.

The two sisters tell Vogue that navigating these unprecedented times has been an exercise in creativity as artists. If things were “normal,” they would be miles away from each other. Being at home together has allowed them to focus on their work. “My sister and I would have been in two different countries, and we didn’t really know where we were going to put out this album,” says Chloe. “I’m just grateful that we’re at least together in one space, and we can do it together.”

Below, Vogue caught up with Chloe x Halle to discuss their personal style as sisters, what it has been like having Beyoncé as a mentor, and what the rest of their summer looks like (Psst: More performances could be coming).

Tell us about your vision for this new Fendi campaign, which you both helped create.

Halle: “We have always loved Fendi. They’re the perfect mixture between sexy and classy—you can wear Fendi bags with anything, especially the Peekaboo bag. We wanted to incorporate that into our vision. We did [a campaign video] to a song that we have on our new album, Ungodly Hour, called “Busy Boy.” The song has a lot of sass, attitude, and playfulness to it. We did it at home in our backyard.”

Chloe: “We shot it all in one day. It was fun. It was hot outside, but we had fun playing with the clothes.”

What has been inspiring you both in the realm of fashion lately?

Halle: “Something that has really inspired me during lockdown is how creative people are getting with their fashion. Even though there’s not anywhere to go to really show off these cute outfits, I just love how stylish people are getting. They’re not letting it stop them from still having fun with fashion and being playful. It’s all about expressing yourself. That makes me feel good whenever I get to do that, no matter who sees it or not.”

As sisters, how is your style different from each other? How is it the same?

Halle: “Our style has always been different from each other because we both have really different body types. For me, I don’t have as many curves; my beautiful sister has an amazing bum. I always try to wear whatever makes me feel comfortable and brings out my petite little curves. I’m always trying to dress up my body in that way. I feel like my sister is really expressive when it comes to her style.”

Chloe: “For me, it just depends on the day. Some days I want to feel a lot more edgy and sexy, and other days I want to feel flirty, cute, and cuddly. It really depends on my mood. That’s what being a woman is all about, having different layers to yourself and being able to change—being strong yet delicate at the same time.”

Do you guys share clothes a lot?

Halle: “We actually do share a lot. As sisters, we’re always raiding each other’s closets. I’m always looking for some of Chloe’s tops because I feel like all of my tops are a bit boring. If we have something to do or have an interview, I’m always like, ‘Girl, can I just see what you got?’”

Chloe: “I feel the other way! I feel like you have better tops. Now with quarantine and interviews, all you really need is a cute top and then you can wear sweatpants. It’s all about the tops now.”

In addition to your style choices, you both have been creative in terms of approaching your at-home performances too. Has that been an exercise in creativity?

Chloe: “It’s definitely been a way to exercise our creativity. We give all the kudos to our amazing creative director Andrew Makadsi. He really helps our vision come to life; we’ll collaborate and send a bunch of references, and he’ll just take it to another level. It’s really cool how we can articulate our vision while still staying at home, having fun, and keeping it simple. I’m just happy that I can quarantine with my best friend and business partner so that we can do fun stuff like this.”

How have you both managed to stay creative in general during the pandemic?

Halle: “Staying creative in this time is actually really easy. It’s really inspiring when you’re enclosed with the people that you love and your family. That’s what truly makes me happy. Quarantine has allowed me to connect with myself and realize my greater purpose and what I want in life. Just kind of self-reflecting and meditating—that builds up a lot of inspiration. Even though sometimes it may feel uncertain, we’re trying to stay positive and hopeful. Using every inch of happiness and positivity that we can to light our inspiration fire. But also giving ourselves breaks, and realizing it’s okay to just chill and not do anything some days.”

You have both used your platform for activism these past few months, especially around Black Lives Matter. Why is it important to continue doing so?

Chloe: “For my sister and I, it’s something we can’t turn on and turn off because it’s our everyday lives. It’s our livelihood. We have always grown up knowing, because we are Black women. I am very happy and grateful that the world is finally paying attention to this underlying racism that has been going on for years and years, and I’m hopeful that change will finally happen. Just my sister and I going out there and creating in a male-dominated industry, and letting our voices be heard, we’re standing for all Black women and our brothers. Just being ourselves and letting them know that you can do anything you put your mind to. We’re always thinking about that, and how we can uplift our community in any way we possibly can.”

You released your new album, Ungodly Hour, in June. Now that it’s out in the world and you’ve reflected on it, what does it mean to you?

Halle: “Ungodly Hour means everything to us. When we were in the process of making this album, it actually flowed out a lot faster than usual. Our last album, The Kids Are Alright, took us three years to make. For Ungodly Hour, it took eight months. That is a very short amount of time for us, because we’re perfectionists and we always want to get something right. We’ll do it over and over again. For this album, we had so much to say and we knew exactly what was on our hearts, whether it was us talking about our insecurities and figuring out how to love every inch of ourselves, or exploring love and relationships. It’s this whole journey of finding ourselves, but also knowing who we are at this point in our lives. Releasing this album during this year of change has also been an eye opener. I feel like we always release albums when something is happening. We released our last album, The Kids Are Alright, when all the women’s marches were happening in 2018. And now, with our community of Black people, we’ve always been fed up, but other people are realizing it. We just really hope that [the album] has brought some healing and some peace to our community, and to everyone who decides to listen. That’s all we want.”

Beyoncé has been a mentor to both of you. What feedback did she have for this album, and what have been your biggest lessons from her?

Halle: “I feel like Beyoncé collectively teaches everyone who is a fan of her. She’s always been our inspiration since we were younger, so being able to be on this journey with her and have her guide us along as a fairy godmother is really beautiful. Just being on tour with her and watching how hard she works every single night—she gives it 150%. It’s like, wow, somebody can literally be better than a machine, and still be such a humble and beautiful person inside and out. I truly believe the reason why she is where she is today is because she has such a great heart and is just a kind, regular person. Those people get the farthest in life. We’re always being taught things by her. She had very positive feedback for this album. She barely had any critical notes. She was just congratulating us and saying how proud of us she is in this project. We’re really happy to have her support.”

What does the rest of your summer look like?

Chloe: “The sky’s the limit. I hope more people receive the album, even people who’ve never heard of us before, and we keep kicking butt with the visuals and growing every day. We’ll be staying home quarantining because, sadly, the cases are getting worse here in America. We just want to stay safe, but also have fun at the same time. We’ll be chilling in the sun in our backyard.”

[ourkarlanicoleuniverse]

Sweet Nothing (MHA Staff AU Fanfiction)

Chapter 1

Warnings: None, completely swf

"A devastating loss to the American people to lose one of the most beloved heroes. People are still rioting outside of the court as you see Zion and other Pro-Heroes walk out."

Did I expect to have my license suspended after backing up victims of my colleague? Not exactly. Am I upset about it? Not entirely. My time in the U.S wasn't the best, I only stayed for my students, but now without my hero license, I can forget having my job at Cal Academy.

As I walked out of the courthouse, I gave my best smile for those looking and the press. Nerves continued to crawl up my spine as I tried my best to keep my cool. I can't make another scene as I did inside. Reporters flooded in, pestering me to get my opinion on one of my most significant failures.

"I can't describe how disappointing the outcome of the case was, but sometimes things happen. The cards just weren't in our favor. I just hope that people here and at home take this as a reminder of how heroes can fail sometimes, but it doesn't mean that hope is lost forever. I am sure that today is just a setback. Have a good day, and eventually, I will be back once my suspension ends." I smiled and nodded, making my way past the reporters.

"What will you be doing during your time in suspension?" A reporter reached out their microphone over my shoulder.

I thought for a moment. I was thinking back to a conversation I had with my old principal before this trial.

"If all goes wrong. Or something else occurs, and you want to come back. Along with most of the UA staff, I wanted to start a mental health program for the students. Specifically, a counselor or therapist per class. I think it will suit you well to be a counselor here." The calm and reassuring tone Nezu's voice always seemed to have calmed my nerves and made sure I always knew I had someone at my corner at all times.

I turned to the reporter and smirked, "I'll be in Japan."

Present Day

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have taken up Nezu's offer after all.

Class 1-A

Counselor: Mai Montoya

Homeroom Teacher: Shota Aizawa

The stupid mouse-dog-bear thing paired me up with Aizawa? AIZAWA! This is just like when he recommended me for the hero course the first time I ended up at UA.

"You okay? You look like you're about to vomit." Lily, a fellow friend from Cal Academy that Nezu hired, asked.

"I just might. Why must Nezu make things difficult for me?" I handed her my form and rubbed my temples.

She looked at the form and then put her hand on her hip, "I don't see anything wrong with this. There are only twenty students."

I stared up at her. I completely forgot that she's not only new to the school but new to Japan, so she doesn't know anyone but me. "It's not the number of students. I could care less about that. Nezu could give me two hundred kids, and I won't complain. It's the homeroom teacher I have a problem with."

She looks again, "Shota Aizawa. Now, why does that sound familiar?" She scratches her head. A few baby hairs start sticking out of her bun as I just continue to contemplate how my life led me here.

"Do you remember the group of friends I had before graduating UA and coming back to the US?" She nodded, "Do you remember the one specific friend that I stopped talking to?" She shook her head, "Sorry, the friend that stopped talking to me?"

"OH! Oh, wait... Oh no... he's the homeroom teacher?" Lily bit her lip and went to reach for the bottle of water while looking at her class information. "I thought you guys resolved things the last time you came to Japan to help Captain Celebrity five years ago." She took a huge swig of her bottle.

"Kind of, but not really. We talked because it had something to do with a case he was working on, but after that, it was mainly me talking to Kayama and Kayama bothering him. Or me talking to Mic, and he talks to him." I gave an embarrassed smile as Lily glared at me. "It's not my responsibility to patch things up with him; he cut me off."

She took another swig, "Maybe since you tell Principal Nezu everything, he thought you guys needed a push to get back together. Weren't you guys inseparable?"

"We were not inseparable. And Nezu should stop meddling; he's been like this since I was fifteen." I check the time on my laptop to see it was almost time for homeroom and start packing up to meet my new students. "It's almost time for the classes to start. Nezu wanted us to introduce ourselves to the students. Do you need me to show you where Class 1-B is located again? Do you need me to translate for you with the students?"

She shook her head and told me that she was fine and made her way out with me. She kept reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. But honestly, I wasn't listening. Being back at UA made me uneasy; it felt like my first day as a student here. Nervous and scared. Only this time, I had no reason to be. Maybe it was nostalgia. Or perhaps it was just a lot of, hmph. What the hell? I look down to see a familiar yellow sleeping bag at my feet. I turned to my left to see Lily was gone and that I already made it to classroom 1-A. Not only that, I met with the eyes of terrified students. I looked back down to see grey eyes popping out of the sleeping bag staring at me.

"I honestly thought the form was a joke." There it was. That stupid gruffly monotoned voice. It took all I had not to roll my eyes.

"Nice to see that in almost fifteen years, you kept that sleeping bag." I walked over the giant caterpillar of depression and into the classroom.

"It took you guys more than eight seconds to quiet down. That's not going to work." I heard the man say as he zipped out of his sleeping bag. "My name is Shota Aizawa. I'll be your homeroom teacher. And the woman over there, she is Mai Montoya, your counselor." I smiled and waved to students. It was met with mostly enthusiastic responses, aside from one kid grunting and another one practically drooling. Make a note not to wear a pencil skirt and a button-up as long as I'm that kid's counselor. Aizawa then proceeded to take a gym uniform out and told the students to get dressed and ready for training. He turned to look at me as the kids made their way out of the class, "You still do that face."

I blinked, "What face?"

"The face you do when you're concentrating on something too hard. What is it?"

"Oh." After fourteen years, he remembers that? "It's nothing; I just think that it's the first day, and maybe training should wait a little while." He turns and ignores me. "Hey, wait up!"

"I need to know how their quirks work, and the earlier they train, the earlier we can make then better heroes."

"It's only the first day, though. They could do introductions and talk about their quirks. Plus, I thought I saw you when the staff was watching the entrance exams; you should already have an idea." I pointed.

"It's not the same as in person." Was all he responded, "I'm their teacher so let me do what I normally do. You're only here to observe."

"I am here to introduce myself and get to know the students. And we are meant to collaborate, Sh... Aizawa." Eeeeeggggggg almost did a no-no right there. He didn't spare me a second glance, but I could tell that I annoyed him. He was already irritating me too. I just sighed and decided to sit on the bench and take my laptop out to start jotting down notes as I waited for the students to arrive.

Once the students arrived, Aizawa explained that he was making them do a Quirk Apprehension Test. They all seemed okay until he mentioned that whoever scored the lowest would be expelled. Kayama told me once about how Aizawa likes to expel students, but I didn't think it would be so early. I neglected the decision to interject; I didn't want to piss him off more so soon.

"Yes?" Aizawa spoke.

"My name is Tenya Iida. I have a question about the counselor?" I looked up to see a whole ocean of eyes looking at me.

I stood up and smooth out my skirt, "What is your question, Iida?"

"Why didn't we get a proper introduction yet?"

"Oh, uh, I was waiting until your teacher was done explaining the lesson so I can explain not only myself but the purpose of the new mental health program at UA." I smiled. "But since you asked, um, I guess it wouldn't hurt to give you the introduction now." I nodded over to Aizawa to get permission to speak more, knowing this was taking time away from his lesson. "Okay, well, as said before, I am Mai Montoya, your counselor. I am part of the new mental health program as a way for the school to become more engaged in students' mental health. I, along with many other Pro Heroes, felt that hero programs don't focus on the importance of mental health for both general students and hero students. Principal Nezu saw the importance and asked me to help be in charge of it. I am originally from the U.S, but I used to be a UA student, so that's how Nezu and I know each other."

Another student raised their hand to ask a question; she had pink skin and cute little horns popping out of her head, "Wait, 'I, along with other Pro Heroes.' You're a pro?"

I rubbed my neck, "Yes, I am a Pro Hero. I am currently not on active duty, though." Here we go. "Let me quickly explain myself, so you feel more inclined to trust me. I am the Pro Hero Zion..."

A green hair boy spoke up, "The U.S's Number 2 Hero that recently got their license suspended? Oh my god, why are you here in Japan? Our counselor is a top hero!"

I was speechless, this kid knew about... oh, who am I kidding the whole case was broadcasted all over the world. "As I was saying, yes, I have my Pro Hero license suspended in the U.S. currently. However, I still have my Japanese Hero License, so I am still a pro. I legally am not allowed to talk about any details about my suspension, though. Just know that the suspension isn't getting lifted anytime soon, so that's why I decided to move back to Japan." I waited for more interruptions.

"Are you allowed to train us too?" The boy asked.

"I wasn't hired for that. As a disclaimer, I only want to do my work at UA; I have to avoid any other scandals from hero work because of my suspension. So you won't be seeing me on the news anytime soon while I am here." They all awed and disappointedly huffed. Afterward, I gave out my email and other ways to contact me to make any appointments with me, and with that, their apprehension test started.

I stood to the side and analyzed the students in their testing environments for the most part. I found out the green-haired boy was named Izuku Midoriya, and the pink girl was Mina Ashido. Everyone seemed pretty determined to pass, mainly because of the threat of expulsion, which I guess is good, but I still don't think scaring the kids to do good was the best way to teach. "It's a logical deception; I have no plans to expel anyone." Aizawa came up to me with a stern face.

"That makes it worse. You scared them, and now they're not going to trust you." I made sure I wrote that piece of information in my notes about the class. The man just shrugged. "They have a lot of potentials. These quirks are fantastic." He just grunted. "I'm trying to have a conversation with you. Especially since you initiated it."

"I'm sorry to hear about your license suspension. You didn't deserve that." Aizawa just stared at the students and avoided looking at me.

"Things happen. I can't feel sorry for myself. I didn't even like working for that agency anyways." I brushed it off. "I just hate feeling that I failed to bring justice to those girls, especially since they reminded me of my students. Young, hopeful, ready to save the world. Now, they're scared and feel like there's no purpose in saving anyone if even heroes can be villains." I rested my chin on my fist as I watched the young heroes in front of me. Then I noticed one of the students going berserk with his explosion quirk on Midoriya. "You might want to keep an eye on Bakugou. His personality is almost as explosive as his quirk."

"I already have a feeling these kids are going to make me want to quit teaching," Aizawa grumbled. The next thing I saw was his capture weapon wrapped around the blond boy to stop him from blowing up Midoriya. I tried my best to contain my laughter at the kids' reaction to him, bringing it out again. From the corner of my eye, I noticed a blond crouching behind the corner of the building, analyzing the students as well-- All Might.

I rolled my eyes and got up. "I have to go back to my office. I'll see you, kids, later after you go through your general classes to see how you guys are adjusting." I went around the corner to meet with the seven-foot-two giant of a man. "What's up, Toshinori?"

The poor guy didn't see me and nearly almost transformed into his skinny form. "Young Montoya! It's wonderful to see you! Please don't tell Aizawa I'm here." He went to hug me (more like lifted me off the ground) and then hunch down.

I giggled, "Oh, I am pretty sure he noticed; he's just not saying anything about it."

"I'm just observing his teaching style since it's my first year as a teacher." He rubbed the back of his neck.

I hugged my laptop and levitated a little to get on his level, "I suggest telling him that you want to learn from him. I have to go, so have fun." I gave him a quick hug and left.

"I've missed you. Maybe you can finally take my offer of taking over my agency."

"Not this again," I grunted. "See you around, Toshinori. Let me know when you want teaching advice."

I love Toshinori, but after his injury ten years ago, he's been trying to convince nonstop to take care of his agency in case the worst would happen. I always just brushed it off. I didn't want that type of responsibility. My whole career in the U.S, people have compared me to him. And I never minded it, it was an honor to be compared to the symbol of peace. But the idea of actually taking the mantle never sat right with me. And I highly doubt it ever will after now being the only top hero to have a license suspension. After finding out Toshinori was going to be a teacher to find a new person to take his quirk, I got more nervous for him and the future of the new person to have One for All. With that in mind, it does give me a reason to try and take the mantle instead of putting it all on a student. It's irresponsible to give all that pressure onto a child. I guess that's mainly the reason why they added the mental health program. To make sure the kids aren't under a lot of pressure.

———————————————————————

My master list 😊

Tag list:

@inumorph @thatgirlwithcamera @mel-sanch

[thorne93]

Unforeseen Chasm (Part 28)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count: 4516

Warnings: Language, fighting,arguing,jealousy,trust issues,torture flashbacks,angst

Song for this part: Time by NF

Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day had finally come for you to leave the cell. When Shannon had told you she got all the obstacles tackled, you were in awe. How did she convince Fury to let you out? Then again, it seemed everyone did whatever Shannon asked of them.

But she had told you that you being out had to be a secret and to do your best not to be seen by anyone. This was strictly a need to know basis, and so far, only five people knew.

It was early morning when Shannon came down to receive you. She was on the phone with someone, when suddenly Kurt appeared in your cell. It made Loki jump slightly and frown. He probably wasn’t expecting it. You had to make the escape fast so no one would see it on the cameras so you kissed Loki quickly, and Kurt grabbed your hand, and you were suddenly in an SUV with pitch black tinted windows.

“Thanks, Kurt,” you said with a smile as you saw who was driving. “Hi, Steve,” you greeted with a coy smile.

“I will see you at the mansion, ya?” Kurt said, his accent heavy.

“See you there.”

And with that, he was gone.

Shannon was still in the cell room, talking to Loki. “I am not sure when we’ll be back, but if you could do your Loki thing and cast an illusion of Y/N/N while we’re gone…”

“I’m already ahead of you,” he stated with a smile as a carbon copy of you walked out of the bedroom, reading something.

“That’s… incredibly unsettling,” she commented. She shivered and shook her head, then gave him a beaming smile. “But, for our purposes, it’s great. Thank you.”

“Anything I can do to help.”

She grinned, nodded, and left, meeting you in the SUV, sitting in the passenger seat.

“Are we really supposed to trust you?” Steve asked, catching your eyes in the rearview mirror.

“No,” Shannon stated, and you started to feel disappointment run over you before she added, “You’re supposed to trust me.”

This made you smile quietly to yourself in the backseat.

Steve checked the traffic, and then pulled out. In order to alleviate some of the tension in the car, Shannon turned on the radio and the ride upstate was rather… pleasant. You stared out at the city the entire way, taking in people, the way they talked, moved, walked. It was amazing how several months without much human interaction could really make you go stir crazy. You were hungry for all the lights, the noises, the sights… Even watching people walking a dog, or grabbing coffee made you smile.

The ride upstate turned from the city, to the country and it was just as stunning as the city. Asgard was like a golden heaven, it truly was beautiful, but all you had known for nearly the past two years was one desolate, windy rock, and an isolated cell with four rooms.

As soon as you turned into the familiar drive, you were nearly like a kid arriving at Disney World. You could hardly contain the excitement. Once Steve parked the car, you jumped out, making him nervous.

“Woah,” he said, getting out and holding his hand up.

“What?” you asked, confused.

“Just...slow down,” he said, eyeing you.

“Yes, Captain,” you said with a polite smile as you folded your hands behind your back and stepped in front of him, so that he could keep an eye on you as Shannon went up to the door and knocked. Storm let the three of you inside, where you stood in the foyer, trying to remember the last time you’d come here.

In an instant, it seemed like the foyer was filled with X-Men. Kurt had appeared, Jean and Scott came up holding hands, Logan, Jubilee, and Marie were all there. Charles arrived only a second later, where he and Shannon traded a hug and he smiled to you, welcoming you back to the mansion.

“Thank you, Professor,” you said sweetly before glancing to Jean and bounding over to her. “Jean! Scott!” you greeted wrapping them both in a tight embrace.

“And just where is my hello?” A cajun drawl suddenly pulled your attention away.

Your head snapped up to the top of the stairs where Remy stood, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Remy!” you all but squealed, dashing up the stairs to greet him.

Without any warning, Steve launched into his super soldier mode and took off quickly. He hurled over the circular wooden table in the middle of the foyer, knocking over the vase full of flowers, before he bounded up the stairs and grabbed your biceps, pulling them behind you.

“What the--?” you asked calmly, looking to see what had just happened. “Steve? What the hell, man? Let me go. I’m just trying to hug my friend.”

The X-Men shared a look of strong confusion, but Charles simply waved it off.

“Steve, it’s okay, let her go,” Shannon commanded. “She’s known Remy for a long time.”

Remy gave Steve an incredulous look before Steve stepped back one step and let you go. Ignoring your perplexion over the event that just occurred, a warm smile spread on your face and you wrapped your arms around Gambit.

“How have you been?” you asked.

“Uh, Y/N/N, we need to utilize our time here,” Shannon reminded, making you turn around.

“What? Hmm, oh! Right! Point me wherever I need to go,” you said happily.

Charles spoke up. “Jean, Logan, and Remy, go with Y/N. Shannon, my dear, you can come with me and Scott.”

With that, everyone went their separate ways. Charles escorted Shannon to the large training room, while Steve, Logan, Remy, and Jean showed you to another training room underground in the backyard.

----------

When Charles got settled in, he began questioning Shannon.

“So when did this start?”

“I think it was around the time I ran into… what was that kid’s name that had the emotional power? Where he could feel what people felt?” she asked.

“Ah.. Adam, the empath,” he remembered. “And you think that’s what’s wearing on you?”

She shrugged lightly. “It’s the only thing I noticed. When I use any of my powers, I get a little weak. But it’s nothing like what’s compared to when I have an emotional high or low,” she informed.

“Interesting… so the powers themselves aren’t bothering you, but your emotions are wearing on you?”

She bobbed her head side to side.

Just then the infamous Wade Wilson comes skipping in having heard that his favorite none avenger was in the mansion.

“ Spicy Buttercup!” he stops right in front of her and lifts her off the ground in a strong hug. “It’s been way too long since the last time I saw you.” he mock pouts knowing she wouldn’t believe it.

“Too tight….Wade” she gets out feeling light headed from his surprisingly strong grip. “Hah! Wow it has been a while also you never come by I told you, you’re always welcome.” she brushes her hair back and takes a deep breath in.

Steve had moved to stand closer unaware that the man in the mask was a friend of Shannon’s. “If you could not do that, it would be very appreciative.” he said in a stern tone noticing how she was taking a moment to catch her breath. “We’re a little busy at the moment, would you mind letting us get back to it?”

“Well hello to you too star spangled man,” he snorts and bumps his shoulder with her. “What’s up his butt?” he shakes his head and looks to Shannon for an answer. “Did stark finally get you a babysitter!” he laughs at his own joke.

“Hahaha very funny Wade, and no Steve’s just a little protective of me with my powers going haywire lately.” she bumps her shoulder back into his. “And Steve has a point there’s something that we are doing that's a little more important.” She makes it to move near Charles.

“Hey wait a darn damn minute!” he playfully scowls. “How come everyone else gets to hang with you and I don’t?” he cocks his head to the side. “I thought I was the fun friend.”

“Wade.. you are the fun friend.” she giggles at his expressions behind his mask. “How about this you let me do this and we can hang out and watch a movie or something?” she offers hoping it’ll satisfy the man-child

“Alright fine! But the moment they finish I'm stealing you away!” he claims looking at everyone to let them know he was serious. “Your treat by the way I’ll be in the background letting all you guys work.” he gives Shannon a peck on the cheek and moves to give them space.

“Okay doll you get your stuff done i’m gonna go keep an eye on Y/N make sure she’s keeping out of trouble,” he hugs his friend and walks off. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will Stevie and be nice to her would’ya?” she smiles at the Cap but he was out of earshot. She turns to the professor. “Now where were we?” she motions to the man to continue where he left off.

“Lie back and let me run some tests,” he offered. With that, Hank entered the room and they began talking to her as if she were in a doctor’s office. They hooked up electrodes to her head and placed heart monitors on her.

------------------

“So tell me about these new powers,” Jean coaxed.

“Well… Long story short, I went to Asgard,” you began explaining.

“Mhm, and what happened there?” she urged, looking at her clipboard.

“Well, we found out that the longer I was on Asgard I got the same power Remy does,” you informed, glancing to your friend. “I could take the potential energy of any object, and turn it kinetic, as well as absorb energy that’s thrown at me.”

“And that’s bad?” she inquired, perching an eyebrow.

You shook your head. “No, no, that isn’t what the problem is. That power is a part of me, but… But I got pushed into a bad situation and someone gave me another power, a dark one. This one is just straight energy, but whenever I’ve used it, I’ve felt angry. It’s just so… dark.”

She nodded, frowning, looking at her notes. “Okay, let’s do this. Let’s get your blood going, get you angry, and let’s see what triggers this power.”

You bobbed your head.

“Why don’t you and Remy do some contact training? You did say you had the same power as his, right?”

Again, you nodded.

Luckily, the training room had a few objects you could use -- yoga ball, sports balls, weights, metal rods, vases, glasses, empty cans.

“Are you okay with that, Rem?” you asked, glancing to him.

“Whatever I can do to help, cher,” he said with a lilt and a wink.

The two of you took your positions opposite of each other, getting ready to spar.

“Begin whenever you’d like,” Jean sweetly instructed as she stood off to the side with Logan and Steve.

You picked up an empty can, charged it, and threw it at Remy, who deflected it easily. A grin popped onto both of your faces. This grin suddenly sparked something very competitive in both of you and the training quickly became rapid fire shots and dodges. The two of you were throwing anything you could get your hands on. You started out small, but Remy was building up impressively quick. One second it was empty cans and vases, the next, you were lifting entire gym machines and launching them. On the very last one, Remy had to tuck and roll.

“Y/N, have you used your dark energy, at all yet?’

You turned and faced Jean, frowning. “Uh, no, I guess I haven’t.”

“Go ahead and try that for me,” she suggested.

“Um… I don’t know. On Remy it might be too much,” you said, looking to your friend and shaking your head.

“Don’t worry about me, mon cheri,” he assured, nodding towards you, encouraging you. “We gotta find out what’s eatin’ away at ya, don’t we?”

“I suppose,” you said uneasily. You lifted your hands, ready to fire the dark energy, but when you did… it didn’t reach him. The dark purple, electric looking power barely fizzled out of your hands. “What the hell?” you asked, peering down at your hands.

“Interesting,” was all Jean could say.

“All that talk and no action,” Logan mocked from the back corner. You stared back at him, an unreadable expression on your face.

“Try again,” Jean urged.

You turned back, getting ready to aim the power at Remy. You lifted your hand, felt the charge under your skin, the tingling in your hand, but when you actually pushed it from your body -- it simply fell to the floor.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” you stated, staring down at your hands with worry. What if they thought you were lying about needing help?

“When was it at its peak?” Jean asked.

Her question made you think back to months ago when you were a monster, when you were hurting everyone you loved. You flinched involuntarily, it didn’t go unnoticed by the others.

“When I… when I was trying to take over New York,” you explained, shame entangling in your voice and body language.

“How’s everything going in here?” Shannon suddenly asked, stepping into the bunker style training room.

Seeing her felt like a wave of fresh air and sunshine. You instantly straightened up and smiled.

“We’re trying to get to the bottom of exactly what makes her dark power so powerful,” Jean explained. “She said it had to do with the terrorist attack on New York and her hand in it?” she said, looking a little puzzled as she turned to Shannon.

She looked to you silently asking if she could explain what had exactly happened and how you were involved in all of it. You nodded your approval.

“Well it’s a long story but to summarize her hand was forced into helping another Asgardian open up the portal to letting the creatures in. At the time she brainwashed and was completely unable to do anything but do as told or fear losing not only her life but seeing the lives of her loved ones taken one by one before her,” she said trying to keep it as clean and with little detail possible so as not to shed a bad light on you, she knew how much their opinion of you mattered.

You looked to her and silently thanked her for not telling them of all the horrible things you had done to her and the people that you cared about. You felt as if though they were looking at you in a different light and began shrinking in on yourself and she could see that this topic was beginning to bother you.

“There is one hint I will give you as to what happens to be a part of what triggers her dark energy,” she said looking at Jean.

“Well, what is the hint Shannon?” Jean asked, wanting to figure out quickly how to help you.

“Your hint is a who, rather than a what, that goes by the name Loki,” she went on to say.

“And who might this Loki be?” Gambit asked her, looking to you curiously.

“He’s a man that she is very connected to,” was all that Shannon had said. She really had no place in telling them of who exactly Loki was to you so she kept it at that. She also realized that there was indeed a connection between the dark energy and Loki, Shannon remembered how upset you got when you two had been fighting and she kept bad mouthing him and your powers getting stronger.

—————————

The very first session of testings were out of the way. Shannon had gone off to speak to someone at the mansion and told you she’d see you back at the tower later on. Not being one to waste time, she quickly went to look for her masked friend.

“Wade? Wade Wilson if you don't appear in the next 2 minutes I'm heading home!” she giggled feeling someone’s emotions were playful. She walked closer to where he had been earlier with her. “Hmmm, I guess I’ll have to find someone else to go eat some chimichangas with.” she shrugs her shoulders and makes to leave the room.

“Woah there! Now just wait a minute no one else likes chimichangas as much as I do.” He rushed to stand in front of her. 

“I got you!” She smirked. “Come on dork lets go catch up.”

“Hey no fair.” He mock pouted. “You used my weakness against me.” 

“That's what happens when you have a spy as a friend.” She smiled up at him.

He pulled her close and messed with her hair. “Alright off to go watch a movie what are you in the mood for?”

 The two had walked to the lounge area and spent the rest of the afternoon together. Wade had made a ton of questions about the event of New York, the issues that occured between her and you. She had left feeling a bit  better about what happened, she knew she could always count on Wade to help her.

—————————

Kurt popped you back into the cell and left instantaneously, as to not be seen by Tony or any other prying eyes. Loki dismissed his illusion of you that was currently sitting on the couch with a mug.

“Was she good company?” you asked with a coy grin before sitting next to Loki on the other couch.

“She was... Didn’t talk much, but then again, isn’t that a good thing with girlfriends?” he teased and you shook your head at him. “How was it?”

“It was… good, I suppose. They don’t know what triggers my powers. Well, we might know, but they need to run more tests.”

“So...you’ll have to go back?” Loki inferred.

“Probably. We’re thinking it will be in two days. Shannon can’t exactly keep sneaking out without raising suspicion,” you informed with a shrug. “I just hope it goes a little better than it did today,” you remarked, getting up to go make a drink and make Loki something for dinner since he couldn’t cook for himself.

“Oh? Why? I thought you said it went well?” he questioned, concerned.

“It was,” you answered, “until Steve almost tackled me.”

“The soldier? What on Midgard for? What could you have possibly done?”

You turned to face him. “It’s silly really. I was running to hug my friend Remy and--”

“Your friend?” he questioned, frowning at you, the slightest tone of anger in his voice.

“Well, yes.You remember Remy. I told you about him. We kind of grew up together in the same foster home,” you explained. “He’s a character,” you said with a laugh. “You may like him.”

Loki closed his eyes and held his hands up. “Wait… So while I waste away in this cell, you went and had brunch with friends?” he asked, his voice rising dramatically.

“What? No. It’s not like that. I was exhausting myself physically and mentally trying to figure out why I feel so different. Trying to find a way to feel normal. I thought you were fine with this?” you asked. “You told me to go find answers.”

He shouted, “Yes! Answers! Not off having mimosas with some man you used to know!”

“I wasn’t off ‘having mimosas’,” you mocked in his voice. “I was trying to figure out what the hell that asshole put in my head, in my body!”

“Okay so you just think Shannon was helping you out of the kindness of her heart?” he pressed.

“Yes, I do. What else would she be doing?” you challenged.

“How do we know she wasn't just installing more surveillance when she gave you that tablet?” Loki asked as you worked on making him tomato soup in the small kitchen.

“What? Loki, there are literally cameras in every room except the bathroom. What more could they install?” you asked incredulously.

“I’m merely saying… do you trust her?” he said as he stood close to you like a shadow.

“I guess,” you answered unsure. Sure, she got you out for the day, and she helped you, and respected your privacy about New York and Loki, but both of you had a long way to go before there would be full trust again. She was still on the side of the heroes, and you on the villains afterall.

“Your level of confidence astounds me,” he mocked.

You sighed, frustrated at you laid down the stirring spoon. “I don’t know, Loki. She says she believes us, she came inside the cell--”

“Romanoff, the spy? She fooled me on that helicarrier. Shannon did the same thing to me in this tower. She pretended to be you for gods’ sake, and stabbed me in the back.”

“And I threw Tony out the window,” you reminded with a gleeful, fake smile, sarcasm behind it. “We’re pretty even.”

Loki took a deep breath before he said, “All I am saying is that she doesn't exactly stand on moral high ground. We don’t know her intentions. Coming in here, saying she believes us, all of that could’ve been a ruse. Trust me, I’m a master of trickery.”

“Moral high ground? Have you forgotten what we did?” you asked, turning to him.

“No,” he told you flatly, his eyes cold. “But she stabbed me in the back, Y/N. Not figuratively, like I do, but literally. What if she does the same to you?”

“Stab me or betray me?” you teased.

He gave you a cold look. “Neither is a joking matter,” he chastised.

You rolled your eyes. “Lok, she isn’t going to do that.”

“Oh, you’re right,” he said, putting his hand on his forehead dramatically. “I forgot that humans are so prone to forgiveness.” He gestured to the cell around you, looking at the concrete walls outside the glass cell.

You pursed your lips. “What do you want me to do?” you asked in a huff. “Send her away? You want me to say, ‘Oh, no, Shannon, that’s fine. I only spent the better part of a year trying to get you to come and see me, to forgive me. But now that you believe me, you can go’.” You crossed your arms and stared at him.

“No, I just… I want you to be cautious. I don’t want you getting hurt by her. I can't bear to watch it,” he stated.

“You know, not everyone is a fucking snake, looking how to double cross someone. That’s pretty much your department,” you snapped, shoving napkins in his chest as you started to walk to the bedroom. “Your soup is done.”

Loki stood, hurt evident on his face, sighing in frustration before he turned around. “The last I checked, that was hers. She was raised to lie, to gather information on the enemy. Or am I wrong?”

You froze.

“Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong. That her background doesn’t lay solely in lies, betrayal, pretending…” He demanded. “I may be a snake. I may do what’s best for me, but at least all my friends and foes know that. I don’t pretend to hide behind some innocent facade,” he hissed.

You turned and slowly advanced on him, your eyes dark. “I thought you were happy for me? I thought you were happy for us? She’s on our side! Tony couldn’t care less if we rot down here. She might be our only chance at ever getting our freedom! She got me out today. She is trying to get me help! And even if she wasn’t, even if we never got our freedom, that’s okay, because we don’t deserve it. I’m lucky she even wants to look at me after what I did...Just her talking to me is just as good as freedom. Why can’t you see that?”

In low tone, he looked down at you and said, “Because I can never see the good in people. If you always expect people to betray you, you’ll never be disappointed.”

You flinched away from him. “Is that what you think about me? That one day I’ll betray you? That one day I’ll somehow leave your side?”

His wild blue eyes met yours for a long moment before looking away.

Tears sprang to your eyes. “Wow. How fantastic. Does nothing I did prove my love to you? I lost my freedom for you. I stabbed my best friend for you. I threw Iron Man out a fucking window for you. I jumped into a portal for you. I endured brainwashing and hellish conditions for you. And you still think that I could just turn on you?”

“You wouldn’t be the first,” he remarked with hatred. “If history has taught me anything, it’s that I will always end up standing on my own. Remind me again who got to leave this cell today and who didn’t.”

You pulled away from him even farther. In a whisper, you asked, “How could you even say that to me? I have been by your side through everything when no one else was. I never once said, ‘This is all Loki’s fault. I plea insanity, let me go.’”

“Ah, so there it is. You do think it’s all my fault.”

“That’s not what I said,” you argued through clenched teeth.

“It’s just a matter of time before you cast me aside like all the others. You’re already leaving without me, maybe one day you just won’t return.” A cold smile fell on his lips as he cocked his head to the side.

“Maybe this is why!” you cried. “Did you ever think of that? Maybe it’s because you expect the worst from people and eventually they’re tired of trying to show you that you’re wrong, so they just betray you anyway. It’s easier just to prove you’re right, rather than to constantly fight to prove you wrong!”

“Then it’s best I do it first, before they do it to me,” he said, his eyes narrowing as his voice got low.

You held up your finger, warning him, “Shannon is a good person. So long as she doesn’t hurt you or me, we will go on trusting her and believing her. Do you hear me?”

“Loud and clear darling,” he cooed darkly.

“Just… eat your soup,” you said finally before turning and going into the living room to read. You sat with your back to him, hoping he wouldn’t hear you crying. Of all the people you could fight with, you really didn’t want it to be the one man you were literally stuck with for the rest of your life.

Was this your life now? Constantly choosing between Loki and other people? Choosing Loki or freedom? Choosing Loki or a normal life?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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