#another high quality shitpost by yours truly

[amabela-14]

Art is the only one without a white background because I couldn’t find a good way to have the outline of their flames look nice. Saddening.

[decaffeinatedconnoisseurninja]

1. why did you choose ypur url?

because im A HOPELESS ROMANTIC and im THICC

2. ANY SIDEBLOGS?

nope, i can barely keep up here fhgcd

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

a few years idk how long exactly tbh

4. do you have a queue tag?

idek what that is

5. why did you start your blog in he first place?

FOR THE HIGH QUALITY ART do you even need to ask

6. why did you choose your icon?

its soft, warm and sweet and thoi might not strictly be eiher of these things, i truly i aspure to be at least one before i die

7. why did you choose your header?

i took this picture and i feel intensely about it. yes there are my hands and im holding a brush

8. whats your post with the most notes?

my Arabic Dark Academia, and im told with good reason (tho i think yall are just deprived sorry)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

HOLY SHIT I CANT REMEMBER i havent been on here in ages uguvkgk

10. how many followers do you have?

905 people who enjoy my ramblings and fine tatse

11. how many people do you follow?

822 humans i think are super cool

12. have you ever made any shitposts?

look buddy, ive read all my posts very thoroughly and repeatedly so theyre all shit to me

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

either 27 hours a day or i forget it exists for a few months

14. did you have a fight/arguement with another blog ?

ah yes! check the notes on my i read in complete silence here its super entertaining!

15. how dod you feel about you need to reblog posts?

no one tells me what to do. i have a moral compass and a human heart, and some traces of a brain. i can tell what i "need" or need not reblog for myself

16. do you like tag/ask games?

YES I DO TAG ME IN ALL THE GAMES EVER AND WHY DO YOU THINK MY ASK BOX IS OPEN????

17. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no theyreall my children.

tagging whomever sees this!

Tagged by @theweepingmonk @p1x1e-sims <33

1. why did you choose your url?

Thats easy. IM TRASH. So I live in my personal landfill that is my life.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

I have a cc finds blog @lialfccfinds and a personal side blog.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

I think around 2015?

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nopez. I just rb everything with a #nonsims. The only posts that are in a queue are #tzr so it posts while I sleep.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

LMAO, there was this blog that would put up a translated Yuri manga, I forget the name. I was really invested in the story so I made a tumblr to follow along. I haven't thought of that manga in ages.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Its just my simself being my typical alt self.

7. Why did you choose your header?

A e s t h e t i c s

8. What's your post with the most notes?

Im p sure its my "Because I Need More Alt Muslims In My Life" edit which IM REALLY PROUD OF so I'm glad it has the most notes ^V^

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I think a third of my followers are mutual but I dont talk to most. PLEASE BE MY FRIEND 👉🏾👈🏾

10. How many followers do I have?

274!

11. How many people do you follow?

464.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

How about you scroll through my blog and come back to me?

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

My phone says I average at 1 hrs 15 min each day.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

No. I dont have the energy for such things.

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog" posts?

No thankz.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yeee

17. Do you like ask games?

Yez

18. Which one of your mutual do you think is tumblr famous?

Im not inclined to name them bc I dont want them to get a big head LMAO

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

No

20. Tags? Ignore if ya want :3

@pixelateddipper @boogey-studios @bloomingsalma @shaznas @lacr1mation23 @seaslugsims @bb8-boppity-boo @simminglytimeladies @crazy-lazy-elder-sims @deathpoke1qa @lunchsims @unasyns @focusedpotion

[pinkwonderlandstudentuniverse]

Trigger Happy Demon (Danganronpa Crossover)

(Due to the Ao no Exorcist cram class only having eight members, including Yukio, I added a few OC’s to make it bigger also lmao this isn’t a shitpost sry)

The purple-haired demon stared at the terrified student as he wreathed in his chair, fear evident in his actions. He tilted his head, a wicked smile etched across his face as he pressed a red button. A small spaceship landed behind the terrified student, and he was immediately taken into the shuttle. The doors closed, and the ship blasted off, breaking through the roof of the school, and into the sky.

Once in space, the engines shut off, and it immediately fell back to Earth, and into the classroom that Mephisto sat in. Once the doors opened, the chair was empty, and from the top of the ship, bones fell down.

The bones of the poor student who met his tragic end at the hands of a trigger happy demon.

-

The enormous school towered over every other building, causing them to look like mere dollhouses.

True Cross Academy, a school designed for prodigies, a school founded with the sole purpose of helping the lucky, who were born with talents that most people were just barely getting a C in.

You were average. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, you just really had no redeeming qualities that made you special enough to go to True Cross, and yet, here you were, standing in front of the gate.

Each student there had a title, such as the True Pop Star, or the True Baseball Star. After looking at a thread online about who you would be with this year, you weren’t shocked to find that you were the only one with no real talent.

The True Gardener. The True Gunslinger. The True Memorizer. The True Leader. The True Swordsman. The True Fox Tamer. The True Ventriloquist. The True Spy. Those were just some of the True students you had in your class.

You were referred to as the Truly Lucky Student. What an amazing title.

‘Well, there’s no use in just admiring the building. I should actually go in,’ You thought as you made your first steps towards a new life, in True Cross Academy.

You had high hopes. After all, everyone who graduated was guaranteed success in life. Why wouldn’t you be excited?

But, as you made your way closer to the front, your anxiety started to bubble up inside of you. You pushed it down, and opened the front door.

A new life is ahead.

A new life, filled with opportunities.

Or so you thought.

You felt your vision get hazy. It was dizzy, and you stumbled around the hall for a bit, before passing out.

Maybe it was just anxiety.

Or maybe it was more…sinister.

-

When you came to, you were in a classroom. A classroom you didn’t recognize, for that matter. The first thing you recognized was the time. It was already 8, which meant the entrance ceremony was about to begin.

“I must have passed out from anxiety, and was carried here,” You assumed, and got up. Then, you noticed something odd.

Large metal sheets were bolted to the windows. They seemed strong.

“Huh? Is that supposed to be there?”

After some time looking around, you decided to head out to the main hall for the entrance ceremony. It was about to begin, anyways.

Upon making it to the main hall, you noticed about 16 or 17 people standing there, just waiting for something to happen. They were all unique in their own ways. One of them even sported the classic 'Gothic Lolita’ look.

You decided to go around and introduce yourself, having them do the same.

“Oh, there’s another one?” Someone murmured.

“This must be the Truly Lucky Student,” Another male pushed up his glasses and crossed his arms.

“Um…hi,” You waved, immediately feeling a wave of self-doubt, being surrounded by all these True students.

'I can’t do this…’

'I need to go home…’

'I don’t belong here…’

Intrusive thoughts swirled into your head, and wouldn’t stop filling it to the point you believed you would explode, until someone slung an arm around your shoulder. This immediately snapped you away from those thoughts.

“Sup, the name’s Daichi Yamahara, the True Volleyball Star! Nice to meet'cha!” He smiled brightly, seeming to light up the dimly lit hallway. He had neck length silver hair and red eyes. He was also tall, which suited his talent for volleyball. “Why don’t we all introduce ourselves, one by one?” He suggested.

Just having him by your side seemed to soothe you.

“Alright, I will go first, to get it out of the way. My name is Elizabeth Maxwell, the True Gambler,” This girl was sporting the Gothic Lolita look. She wore her long, black hair in a ponytail. She had red eyes as well. The girl standing next to her spoke up immediately afterwards.

“I’m Aya Shirogane, the True Gamer,” This one wore her brown hair down, as it was only to her shoulders. She wore a typical school uniform, seemingly from her old school. You couldn’t determine her eye color, but it looked green, or hazel, maybe?

“My name is Ami Takamura! The True Baker!” This girl had brown hair worn down in the same fashion as Aya, and glistening blue eyes that seemed full of life. She wore a dress decorated in strawberries. 

“The name’s Hana Oshikawa, the True Model,” The next one who spoke was someone you recognized quite well. You had seen her in multiple magazines, but you didn’t expect her to have freckles covering her face. Photoshop is a given, these days. She had long, blonde hair, worn in two pigtails. Both were held up by rabbit bows. She wore a school uniform from True Cross. In fact, most of the girls did. She had purple eyes that seemed to glare with authority over everyone. Still, she sent a smile to you as everyone spoke to you.

“I’m Yoriko Mondoko, the True Popstar,” A male spoke. You instantly recognized him. He was in a famous boyband group that took Japan by storm aa few years ago. He had short black hair and pink, welcoming eyes. He wore his old uniform.

“I-I’m Haruto Yamada…the True Coder…” A short male spoke up, holding his hands to his chest shyly. He had blonde hair, and if he had worn it down, it would go to his shoulders. He had it in a ponytail, though. He also had silver eyes. He wore some casual clothes. Just some grey sweatpants and a band tee-shirt.

“I’m Ao Katsuyuki, the True Swimmer! And this here is my adoptive sister, Mei Sarukami. She’s the True Painter!” The male who spoke had short black hair and green eyes. Mei had long, curly brown hair, and brown eyes. Ao was wearing cargo shorts and a white take top, while Mei had on a painters smock with jeans and a t-shirt underneath. 

“Nice to meet you!” Mei smiled brightly.

You turned to the final eight students in the room. All of them had on the school’s designated uniform, aside from a girl in a colorful kimono, and a male in a long, black trench coat.

“Hey there! I’m Renzou Shima, the True Spy!” He didn’t seem too excited about his title, but tried to wear it proudly. He had pink hair and pink eyes, though you knew that the pink hair was dyed.

“I’m Ryuji Suguro, but just call me Bon,” This male was tall, and also had dyed hair and stubble. “I’m the True  Memorizer,” He looked thuggish, and his eyes were closed, so you couldn’t see them.

“I’m Miwa Konekomaru, but please, call me Koneko. I’m the True Leader,” This one was the exact opposite. he had little to no hair, and red glasses. He was short, and looked cuddly.

The next one to speak was standing next to him. She had long, purple hair, tied in pigtails. Her red eyes were cold, and she held nothing but authority.

You liked it. 

“I’m Izumo Kamiki, the True Fox Tamer,” Was all she said, her arms crossed.

The one next to her, a boy with curly blonde hair and a puppet covering his left hand, didn’t speak. The puppet spoke, saying  "Nemu Takara, True Ventriloquist.“

Then, the girl in the kimono spoke. "I-I’m Shiemi Moriyama! The True Gardener! Nice to meet you!” She had shoulder length blonde hair and green eyes.

The final two were boys. “I’m Rin Okumura, the True Swordsman!” Rin beamed. He had navy blue hair, and blue eyes. He had quite the odd appearance, sporting elf-like ears and fangs.

“I’m Yukio Okumura, the True Gunslinger,” The final one spoke, crossing his arms. He had teal eyes and brown hairs. His face had some moles.

“Nice to meet you all!” You smiled at them, the anxiety you had bubbling down with the reassuring smiles you were given.

The TV’s in the hall sprung to life, showing static, and then a man’s voice sounded.

“Attention, all~! Welcome to True Cross Academy! Please make your way to the gym, and then our ceremony can begin~!” The cheerful voice sent shivers down your spine. You had noticed before that in place of the front door, a large vault stood at the entrance. There were cameras with guns attached to them.

With heavy and fearful hearts, all of you made your way to the gym for the entrance ceremony.

[theultravioletcatastrophe]

Well, I guess it’s about time I did another

EARL’S ANIME ROUNDUP

My thoughts on some recent anime below the cut. This is gonna be a long one, so skip it if you’re not really interested. I’ll put all the series I talk about in the tags, so if you see one that catches your interest, read on.

Okay, so. I’ve been watching a few different series lately, and almost all of them are frustrating me in some way or another. I like all of them, don’t get me wrong, it’s just... well, here’s my thoughts on all of them.

Hinako Note: This one is actually from last season, but I just got around to watching it recently. I’m 5 episodes in and so far, it’s a pretty cute show. It’s about a girl who grew up in the countryside and has a hard time talking to other people without freezing up (like, she literally turns into a scarecrow), so she decides to move to the big city and take up theater to help her overcome her shyness. This works out about as well as it sounds like it would, that is, not at all. She ends up living in this odd apartment/bookstore/cafe place, and she goes to high school with everyone else who lives/works there. I’m not gonna analyze this one too much; some of the reviews I’ve read have been like... people taking this WAY too seriously. Visually, it’s pretty good. Half the time the characters are all chibi/SD and the other half they’re normal. Also, the animators can’t quite seem to come to a decision about how big Hinako’s boobs are. Like, it’s really odd having blatant fanservice mixed in with cutesy moeblob animation. I’m not gonna complain, because the cutesy parts are cute and the fanservicey parts are nice to look at, but it’s just weird. The voice acting is, like virtually every Japanese production, quite good. There’s something about the voice acting industry in Japan that consistently produces high-quality work, as opposed to the anime dubbing studios here, which are almost all uniformly awful. (Just a heads up, I’m not going to mention the voice acting in any more of these series unless it really stands out as exceptional; for the most part, every anime series I’ve ever watched has had really high-quality voice acting.) The music is fine, I guess, it’s nothing noticeable, but the opening song is quite possibly one of the most ANNOYING SONGS IN ALL OF ANIME HISTORY. It’s so catchy and yet so irritating. The ending song is kinda like that too, there’s too many tempo and time changes and I usually like that sort of thing, so I don’t know why it bothers me so much. Anyway, overall this is a pretty good series for what it is, as long as you don’t take it too seriously. It’s cute, and I enjoy watching Hinako’s relationship with the other characters develop, along with her own development in overcoming her limitations and growing as a person. I give this one a 7/10.

Gamers!: THIS SHOW PHYSICALLY HURTS TO WATCH. Especially the last couple episodes. I watched episode 7 and my chest hurt from how hard I was cringing from secondhand embarrassment. I WANT TO PUNCH THESE STUPID KIDS INTO THE SUN. Okay, that’s not fair. Let me back up a bit. Gamers! appears to be a show about 5 high school kids in various interrelated relationships with one another, and about every single one of them fundamentally misunderstanding every single one of those relationships. It’s ostensibly about video games, too, but that seems like more of a side thing. There’s Keita, the main character; his love interest, Karen; his apparently best friend Tasuku; his maybe-but-maybe-not rival/friend Chiaki; and his possibly actual best friend Aguri. To really explain the plot of this show, I’m going to have to explain how all the characters relate to one another. I drew that stupid chart a while back but I don’t think anyone cared, and it was kind of just a shitpost anyway. So here we go: So Keita, we think, has a crush on Karen; she’s pretty and popular, and he is quite surprised to learn that she plays video games just as hardcore as he does (she’s actually quite a bit better than him). She invites him to join the school’s gaming club, but he turns her down for reasons he can’t quite explain. Karen ends up developing a huge crush on Keita, and neither of them seem to realize that the other reciprocates their feelings. This is because of the other three characters and their STUPID FUCKING MEDDLING. So Tasuku and Aguri are dating; their back story is kinda cute, but their present-day relationship is... practically non-existent? Like, dude, stop being your buddy’s wingman and actually hang out with your girlfriend. Keita and Aguri became friends because they wanted each other’s relationship advice, and now they hang out more than Aguri and her actual boyfriend. WHICH OF COURSE CAUSES MISUNDERSTANDINGS. Tasuku thinks Aguri is actually dating Keita; Aguri thinks Tasuku is actually dating Chiaki; Chiaki has a crush on Tasuku but can’t admit it; and Karen appears to be concerned that all the other girls are going to somehow take Keita away from her. In short, it’s a HUGE FUCKING MESS and it’s hard to watch sometimes, because all the characters invent these little fantasies about the others in their heads, and then act on the assumptions that those fantasies are actually how it is in reality, when usually it’s nearly the complete opposite. So everyone is blundering around not realizing what’s actually going on, and jumping at shadows that aren’t really there, and all of this could be resolved if theY WOULD JUST FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES OH MY GOD WHY ARE THESE KIDS SO FUCKING STUPID AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sorry, I get carried away. I really like this show and I want to see how it ends, but getting there is going to be a painful journey (though I hope that ultimately makes it more satisfying in the end). Technically it’s a decent enough show; the animation quality falters a bit sometimes, but overall everything looks good. I like the music in this series, and the eyecatches and end cards are all well done. I give it a 7/10 as well.

Hajimete no Gal: I’ll get this out of the way at the start: this is explicitly a fanservice anime. There’s no mistake about it, the story is kind of just a vehicle for fanservice. At least with this one, the story is good enough to make it seem like maybe it actually IS about the plot and the fanservice is just decoration, but I’m pretty sure this is primarily about the T&A. Also, if you’re watching it on Crunchyroll like I am, you have to put up with some TRULY ATROCIOUS CENSORSHIP. Like, some of the stuff they cover up with obnoxious censor bars is not even that bad. It makes it hard to watch sometimes, frankly, because it’s just SO ANNOYING. Like, slap an age restriction on it and call it a day, will ya? I’m an adult and I would like my “””adult””” content left intact, thank you. But hey, on to the plot. I think I described it a bit previously, but it’s about a totally normal high school boy named Junichi. His idiot friends dare him to ask out their school’s most prominent “gal,” Yukana. On a whim, she accepts his proposal, and the two become a couple. The series appears to be largely about the development of their relationship (which is actually quite sweet, as the two of them are both so innocent), and the actions of their friends, which seem to be focused on preventing said development. This show has both one of my favourite characters in all of anime, and one of my least favourite characters in all of anime. The former is Yukana; she’s kind-hearted and fun and sweet, and she is just stunningly gorgeous. Like, it’s pretty hard for me to think of a single anime character who I’d consider to be more beautiful than her. The latter is... well, I don’t remember his name and I don’t want to bother with looking it up, because I FUCKING HATE HIM. He is literally a pedophile. It is his sole defining character trait. Like, every time he opens his stupid mouth, it’s because he’s fantasizing about little girls. None of the other characters apparently find this disturbing; a couple of them have made offhand jokes about him going to jail, but that’s it. Nobody seems to think it’s creepy or anything. Fuck, in the most recent episode, one of the other characters HELPS HIM GET A PART-TIME JOB AT A DAYCARE. LIKE... NO. Anyway, the actual story, when we get to focus on it rather than fanservice or stupid side stories, is really cute and sweet. Junichi is, of course, completely clueless about girls and about relationships, and seeing him learn and grow and become a better boyfriend to Yukana is really sweet and endearing. He undergoes actual character development, which seems rare for this type of series. The animation is top-notch; excellent artwork throughout, and consistently excellent too (plus did I mention how gorgeous Yukana is?). I give this show an 8/10, mostly for Yukana because I love her.

Netsuzou Trap: You’ve seen me post about this one before. This one’s got fanservice too, but it’s less of a focus, it seems; it’s more of a relationship drama than anything else. It’s about two girls, Yuma and Hotaru, who have known each other since they were kids. Hotaru was always shy and reserved, and she got picked on quite a bit, and Yuma would always be there to rescue her. When they got to middle school, Hotaru really started coming out of her shell, and she became quite popular, especially with the boys. Flash forward to high school, where Yuma has her first boyfriend, and Hotaru is on Man # 63643846 or whatever. Yuma expresses nervousness about doing... y’know... THOSE kinds of things with her boyfriend, and so Hotaru is like “hey why don’t we practice with each other, that way it totally doesn’t count, right?” Predictably, this leads to Yuma falling in love with Hotaru, and vice versa, though neither of them will admit it to each other (Yuma seems to have trouble admitting it to herself as well). The series is basically about how the two girls are cheating on their boyfriends with each other. The title itself is kind of a pun; it’s usually stylized as “Netsuzou TRap”, with the letters NTR being short for the Japanese word “netorare,” which basically means “infidelity.” As the series progresses, it gets harder and harder for Yuma to continue denying her feelings for Hotaru; her boyfriend Takeda senses that something’s up and that she’s not really that into him, and decides to, ahem, give Yuma some time apart to think about things. He’s such a sweet guy; he goes out of his way to make Yuma comfortable, and even after their little falling-out, he remains friends with her even though it’s super awkward. He gets played like a fiddle by pretty much all the other characters in the series, and it’s kind of sad. Hotaru’s boyfriend Fujiwara, on the other hand, is a total asshole and I want him to die. He’s physically abusive to Hotaru, and attempts to emotionally manipulate pretty much everyone (he catches Yuma and Hotaru fooling around one day, and while he already knew something was going on, he knows that Takeda doesn’t, and he basically threatens to tell everyone what’s going on unless the girls let him join in the next time they do it). It’s kind of a... dirty series, I guess. Not dirty in the sense of, like, sexual stuff, although there is some of that. I mean it makes you feel dirty, you know? Like, it’s not always easy to watch. It’s kind of dark and depressing; it’s definitely way more of a drama than any of the other shows I’m watching this season. I’m extremely invested in it, though. I kinda got spoiled on how the manga turns out, and I really hope the anime doesn’t end the same way, because I will be super depressed if it does. Also, the episodes are all about 9 minutes long, as opposed to the more normal 23-ish minutes. At least one minute is taken up by both the opening and the ending (which both have EXCELLENT music, by the way), leaving you with about 7 minutes of actual content in each episode. This wouldn’t be bad if you were binge-watching the whole series all at once, but the episodes only come out once a week. Waiting 7 days for 7 minutes of content is SO AGGRAVATING. I give this series a 9/10, which apparently puts me in the minority on MAL, as the series only has an average rating of 5.65/10.

New Game!!: Note the two exclamation marks!! This means that it’s season two!! And thankfully, it appears to be exactly what us fans of the first season wanted: more of the same!! I’ll explain the background of season 1, since it’s pretty much required to explain season 2. Our protagonist is Aoba Suzukaze, who gives up going to art college to pursue her dream of working in the video game industry. She joins the company Eagle Jump, which produces her favourite video game series ever, Fairies Story. She dreams of being a character designer like her idol, Ko Yagami, who did the character designs for the original Fairies Story game. Imagine her surprise when she learns that not only will she be working on the third installment of the series, but that her boss is none other than Ko Yagami! The series is pretty much a standard slice-of-life show, although refreshingly, it’s about actual adults with actual jobs rather than being about high school students like EVERY GODDAMN OTHER slice-of-life anime out there. It follows Aoba and Ko and their co-workers at Eagle Jump, detailing the ins and outs of the industry, and the ups and downs they experience. Also there’s a lot of implied lesbians in this show. In fact, I don’t think there’s a single man in this entire series, except possibly for background characters. Every employee at Eagle Jump is a woman; the director for the Fairies Story series, Shizuku Hazuki, explicitly says that she only hires cute women for this exact reason. And while there are definite implied pairings in this show, you can ship anyone with pretty much anyone and it would work. Ah, the fanfic writers must love this show. I wouldn’t know; I don’t want to read any. ;_; Anyway, the second season focuses mostly on Aoba’s new job as the lead designer for a new IP the company is making. Nobody seems to be taking her seriously, though; even though Ko gets promoted to art director, they still ask her to do a bunch of the work that Aoba should be doing, apparently because they think Aoba’s not good enough. It’s partly about her struggle to have her voice heard and to be recognized as the talented designer she is, and partly about how these office dynamics put strain on everyone’s relationships (particularly Aoba and Ko, who are at this point pretty much officially a couple I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE) and just generally balancing work and life. It’s a cute series and it’s compelling for anyone who was a fan of the first season; like I said earlier, it’s a direct continuation, and is exactly more of the same. The characters grow and develop, of course, particularly Hifumi (aaaahhh I love her so much), but for the most part it’s familiar territory. The animation is good throughout, as well as the music. This one gets a 9/10 from me.

And that’s it! I’d love to go into detail in another post about the games I’ve been playing lately, but I’m tired and I’m going to bed shortly. Maybe I’ll do a games roundup later this week or perhaps next week (things are going to be busy with me for a while so I’m not going to be on much).

Have any questions or comments? Think my reviews suck? Want to discuss any of these series with me further? Let me know! Send me a message or an ask or whatever and let’s chat about it! :D

[shanny-tired]

(OOC) What it Does For Me.

Hey! How’s it going there pal? Still following this blog I see. Sick of Shanaris yet? Tell me what ya’ think of this grumpy old hag in an ask or something, if nothing else to expel some of your own dislike into the open! I’d honestly appreciate it and adore feedback.

Ah-- that ain’t why I’m writing this up though. I’m self-conscious enough as it is. Nah-- writing this up because I just thought I’d give my two-fifths of a nickle on things and stuff. Now it might get a bit TMI as we get further down, but I promise I ain’t gonna be saying what color my underwear is, if any is being worn, or how I almost kicked the bucket. This is all just a winded summary of why I write which most of ya’ probably don’t care much to hear about.

First off, for those that don’t actually know or never bothered to know-- or just don’t really care but would like some insight on the writer themselves: I’m diagnosed with major depression. Eh, so what yeah? Me and half the world, yeah? Yeah, at some times it does feel like so what. Problems are a mile away and things feel like a god damn floppy rainbow I’m riding off into the sunset, or at least a very cushioned wall. We all know how depression can be, yeah? Listlessness, gloomy, broody, isolation from others, reticent qualities, and often times emotional or numb qualities or some such. I ain’t a psychologist! Could be wrong, but that’s how I feel most days.

Alright, now it gets to the TMI part. Feel free to skip this if ya want. Oh-- and warnings on suicide and rape if you’re adverse to reading about that stuff. Look for the bold!

So...yeah! Life is shit and blah blah so forth. I’m young, probably younger than most of the people I know online think of me as. Which is good! I’m honestly flattered when people think of me as older than I truly am. As such, with the youth come times of vulnerability and ignorance and whatnot. Been through some shit man, been through a whole lotta shit that I’d be damn well happy to do without. We all have, yeah? Of course! No one has been through their life without a moment of suffering by their own perspective. Of course, what you may see as a time of suffering is often seen by others as a “Quit being a lil’ bitch you scrub.” moment. Unfortunately I’ve been through those moments. I’ve been deeper than many go and watched Death french kiss me three times over. Weren’t it for cowardice and hesitation, sloppy work or all around listlessness to even off myself? I’d be pretty dead already. If I did manage to get rid of myself, well-- I never wanted to deep-throat decomposers of the animal kingdom. Yeah, I’ve been.. numb a lot in the recent past. So numb that I hadn’t even cared about the shit that lady did to me in Junior year of high school. Or-- was it Senior year? Fuck, I really don’t remember, but it did happen, and it was my first time with anyone really. Last time I go to another chick’s house on the premise of them being my friend, yeah? I won’t touch on that too much though, no one wants to hear about that sorta thing-- not even me. Past few years up until now? Yeah it’s been pretty fucking shitty. Went like... a whole two months without shaving or bathing or washing my hair-- really nasty. No one noticed though. Or maybe no one really cared to look at the kid in college that sits in the front corners of the room to stay close to the teacher and away from the noise. A very... muted scream for help, in my experience. Yeah... it was nasty! I don’t think I’ll ever go into that realm of the pits again-- at least I hope not.

Now, I know we all didn’t come here to read about all this sad depressive shit, least I think so. I hope so! You don’t get off on my misery do you? If ya’ do well that’s.... that’s kinda hot.

I don’t wanna go on and on about my issues, so I’ll try and keep the rest short as I can, yeah? All that shit that happened to me? Tore me from the inside out. Now I ain’t saying I had it worst-- that I am the most miserable person. Nah, none of that. People out there with miles more problems than myself, but everyone reacts differently and is effected by their past whether we wanna be or not. I just... had no idea what to do at the time. So... I took to writing and RP on a playful whim. Someone said they wanted to RP with me on some other-- no through text message! And I was all like “Ah, sure, whatever, how do?”. I got given a crash course and by fuck I loved it. I loved being anything but me-- loved trying to think like someone else entirely. I loved the way it exploded in my imagination that every time I closed my eyes I saw these vibrant images of a multitude of things: sex, death, gore, hand movements, facial expression, tone of voice-- all of it was so... alive. I wanted more, so I sought more. On various different platforms until I got dick deep into the RP community on SWTOR (Star Wars: The Old Republic) back when it still dominantly existed. At the time it was just... a lot of erotic roleplay, because that’s really all there was on that game, yeah? Either you did some erotic shit, or you went and got gored by some Sith or lil’ open skirmish. I did the erotic stuff-- did a hell of a lot of it. Did I get off to it? Nah, it was just amusing and all-around pleasant to just...write in general. Even if a Chiss had to take a Rancor in the face. Fuck-- TMI again, apologies. What I’m trying to say is that RP brought me a whole realm of enjoyment and excitement to my otherwise entirely numb and shitty life that... I made it my escape.

Over the short years it only evolved and grew more complex. What was a severe detachment from my characters became an emotional connection that made me realize how alike I am to the people I write-- especially Shanaris. Maybe that’s why I enjoy writing Shanaris the most: she is more like me than I really realize. It all reached a point where I started to find friends, and eventually went back to World of Warcraft from reasons other than shitposting and ‘roleplaying’ on the Horde Moonguard server. Like-- I was roleplaying before I even really understood what it was and how it made me feel. No-- I went back to find a community that wasn’t dead and dying-- a group of friends that weren’t always down and depressive. A change of environment was needed, yeah? Well, I definitely found it and it’s been little over a year since I did.

All the Roleplay, all the writing, even writing this shitty post has been more helpful than people realize. It all started because one person decided to take a chance and RP with the quiet, idle person standing still in Cathedral square. Everyone and everything that had happened the past year was both extremely shitty and extremely helpful. We all Roleplay for different reasons and often time we need a certain drive to Roleplay. Well, not me. My drive to roleplay is the RP itself. My reasons to write is the writing itself. It helps me escape a reality I often times want nothing to do with. I would like to think this is the healthiest coping mechanism I got: writing-- typing, whatever!

Really, what I wanna say is thanks to all you lovable fuckers-- you know who you are, won’t need to tag you. Y’all been a tremendous help to me and are often times too pleasant to bear. So, do a writer a little favor the next time you’re online and ain’t got much to do? Find someone who is just sitting all by their lonesome and just... talk to them. Lotta times they may just be alone to be alone or soemthing. Other times they might be like me and have a problem initiating things, so they scream in wishful silence hoping someone notices them enough to interact. We never know until we try, yeah? It’s amazing how such simple gestures can help people along just a little bit further.

Again, thanks to you all for reading this, Roleplaying with me, or just being an all-round good person to chat with. Alright, I’ll give the blog back to Shanaris and the memes. Thanks for reading down this far guys! And thanks again for the fun times and future times to come.

[amabela-14]

Mortus mere moments before they are unwillingly thrown into The Pile (circa post Malaise, colourized)

[amabela-14]

Based vaguely on that one post about not being able to write neurotypical characters and a dream I distantly remember from last night.