#another gag is of course everyone thinking Grima is in love with Eowyn — even Grima thinks it

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Middle Earth TV shows - how about 'What We Do In The Shadows', but set in Edoras?

'What We Do In The Stables', maybe? Where a camera crew follow the daily goings on in Eomer's household. Grima (the Edoran version of Guillermo) spends a lot of time sighing, muttering and looking at the camera with either a 'see what I put up with' or a 'fuck my whole life' expression.

I'd watch the heck out of that...

Hahahaha I would watch that so hard. Like take my money, I need to see this.

Oh man the “you’re alive because I let you live” scene would take on WHOLE new meaning.

Grima: you’re alive because I let you live. Everyday I wake up and choose not to poison everyone. You’re welcome.

My one thing is, I like Grima not being super proficient at fighting or anything. But he’s good at hiding. Like it would be a great joke that he’s just leaning against a wall or something and people just can’t find him.

Eomer: you’re always skulking in corners listening in on people’s secrets.

Grima: first of all, I am not skulking in corners. People just don’t notice me when I don’t want them to. Second, I thought that’s why you and your uncle pay me? To gather secrets.

Eomer: other people’s secrets. Not mine.

Grima: yeah Elfwyn dumped you hard didn’t she?

Eomer: go away Grima.

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Saruman tries to contact Grima, Eomer takes pot shots at the crebain and ravens and other bird messengers while drinking a beer and sitting on the roof of Meduseld.

Grima: I’m sorry my lord, but in my defense I didn’t know what you wanted me to do. You never tell me anything.

Saruman: I sent ravens. I sent 500 RAVENS! I'm shocked and appalled that you didn't raven me back.

Later on when Eomer is covering for Theoden and Theodred for some reason or another he’s listening to people’s complaints because it’s the few hours in the morning when the king receives petitions. Eomer is just like, “good gods how do you deal with people complaining all the time?”

Grima, “In these situations, where you are stuck listening to people—and I’ve met people, my lord, they’re all stupid—anyway, you basically have two choices.”

Eomer, “Be rude or be gracious?”

Grima, “No. you can kill them or you can pretend to listen to them.”

Eomer, “those aren’t…even remotely in the same category of response.”

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Grima just drinks anachronistic Starbucks cold brew all the time—like he has a venti, black cold brew perpetually attached to his hand. He also drinks pina coladas. I don’t know why I’ve decided Grima drinks basic bitch beach drinks but he does.

Sometimes the camera crew follows him out back of Meduseld for a smoke break and there’s a lot of him just flipping off the cameras.

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Oh! Lol Grima would barter using the camera crew.

Sauron’s evil emissary: if you don’t give the dark lord what he wants, he will invade and it will be very bad for all of you. Sauron the Relentless. You know why they call him that? Because he doesn’t relent.

Eomer: name of eothain’s sex tape.

Grima: Ignore him. Anyway, what if we uhhhh give your master this guy named—what’s your name?

Sound tech: Ian.

Grima: what if we give your master Lord Sound Tech Ian son of …

Sound Tech Ian: Brett.

Grima: Brett? What kind of name is Brett? Anyway, Ian son of Brett. He’s handsome and has magical equipment where you can hear your voice played back. It’s delightful. We will also throw in one of those fancy devices that lets you see yourself in the past on a tiny black mirror.

Sound Tech Ian: wait a minute, I can’t be used as a bartering tool. I’m unionized.

Grima: I don’t know what that means. Sounds fake. So, Sauron’s emissary, what do you say?

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Eowyn would also do a lot of staring into the camera. I think some peak moments would have her and Grima doing it at the same time and he thinks it’s meaningful and she’s just like “ew. Not you.”

Though, Eowyn would absolutely tell someone: Stay strong, sweet little one. Someday they will all be dead and you will do a shit on all of their graves.

It is a grand standing Rohirric tradition, holding out long enough to piss on someone’s grave.

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At some point Aragorn and Co. turn up (Boromir is alive because of Reasons) and get up to mischief. Though I kind of like the idea of it taking place in a weird timeless sort of period where it’s like Sauron and Saruman are in the background as a menace but it’s really not relevant, other than when Grima occasionally goes and commits a light soupçon of treason.

Grima would end up staying around, purely for the entertainment value of occasionally the camera panning to him and he’s just mouthing “it’s a bad idea” when someone like Aragorn is all “maybe paths of the dead?”

Grima in an interview: Everyone dies. We didn’t name it Paths of the Dead for a sense of whimsy.

Eomer, because he and Grima doing joint interviews is funny: No, that’s the Corridor of Despair.

Grima: well yes, everyone knows that. Great vacation spot. You have to book a year in advance though.

Eomer: Dale of Discontent. Ford of Wrath. Canyon of Death. All very lovely.

Grima: what are you saying?

Eomer: he could be confused.

Grima: he’s not confused, he’s stupid.

Eomer: no, he’s confused. Grima he is confused. When we explain he will understand.

Cue ten minutes later.

Eomer: yeah Grima’s right, he’s stupid. At the very least has a death wish. Though the Wells of the Dead is a great little gem of a summer swimming spot.

Basically, relevant LOTR plot stuff only used when the Rule of Funny applies.

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Thouuuugh this being post-LOTR is super funny because the idea of Eomer and Grima acting like a weird old married couple, to the confusion of everyone including themselves, is delightful. They’re like the couple from Vicious.

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Anyway—I love this idea, thank you so much for this 💜💜