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guytheporn · 2 years ago

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Escortbabylon

I don't think I have at any point been to Babylon. Except if obviously I got captured and taken there while I was sleeping and awakened oblivious. In any case, Babylonian ladies should be fine, so I wouldn't see any problems with being top dog or a ruler in a spot like that and having the option to investigate however many fine pussies and butt holes as I can track down a utilization for!

In any case, we are not assembled here today for a talk on Babylon, its ladies, their pussies, and poop holes. What brings us here is a survey of an escort site with the strange name of Escortbabylon. Better present yourself with a new glass of lager and look at my Escort Babylon survey

What Happens In Babylon…

Essentially, Escort Babylon is an escort survey site. It proves to be useful to employ an escort or two and need to realize that they are pretty much as great as is commonly said they are and will not loot you blind once you screw them senseless and drop.

Accompanies are typically smooth and super fine animals who take extraordinary consideration of their body and smell truly decent. That can't actually be said for the Escort Babylon site, which seems to be several 10-year olds with two remaining hands drank shaded juice, had themselves a right imperial poo, and utilized this to construct the site!

See, the site configuration is essentially as dated as transgression, however I don't believe that is sufficient motivation to kick Escort Babylon into the container yet. At the point when you come to the site, you will be confronted with a for the most part clear page, with an inquiry bar joined to its highest point. A little way underneath are choices to look at escort surveys by their date, prevalence, or how current they are. A red button allows you to look at escorts and escort surveys in a specific city and this frequently proves to be useful.

When you click on the previously mentioned red button, you will be approached to pick your area and this can be Oceania, Europe, Canada, and the U.S. Tapping the first of these choices allows you to browse among Australia and New Zealand. Similarly, tapping on Europe will deliver a few European nations you can choose from, while tapping Canada or the US will deliver a rundown of states in these nations.

I chose the U.S. choice, tapped on Arizona and afterward Phoenix, cos I have heard that young ladies in Phoenix have twats that are fixed with fur and streaming with champagne! Go through a night with these darlings and your chicken will be dealt with like a ruler on his birthday!

Whenever I had chosen Phoenix as my city of decision, my screen got loaded up with picture thumbnails of escorts and their audits and these were continually reviving so that making quick work of it was anything but something simple. Close to the highest point of the page are choices to choose another city, or sort the list items by date, prevalence, and how current they are. Coincidentally you can tap on each escort picture thumbnail and have the option to see content on her, for example, pictures, data with respect to where she is, her old posts, remarks made on her profile, and audits.

Nonetheless, you can't peruse an escort survey on Escort Babylon except if you initially present your very own audit. That doesn't sound good to me, yet I get only an approach to showing you nothing is free and you got to give something to get something. However, you can't haphazardly present a survey. To begin with, you need to enroll and pick a secret word and enlistment is a free undertaking.

To post an escort survey, that is cool. For what reason is it cool? Indeed, as I said previously, escort profiles here have content like pictures and the majority of these are X-appraised. That implies you can see a few pretty chicks naked or half bare and squander two or three hours fantasizing about staying it in them till their goods opening can't withstand anything else and need to explode itself or something like that!

In any case, I really do very much want to be careful. So I enrolled and did a couple of surveys of a couple of chicks I had never met or banged, just so I could peruse audits by other site clients. The audit design is simple, as you only need to click boxes and info subtleties like the name of the chick you are surveying, the date both of you got together for some dreadful business, and regardless of whether it was worth the effort. Then, at that point, you get to rate her engaging quality, cleanliness, character, execution, and reliability.

Then, you should summarize your experience, depict what the escort resembled and her disposition and afterward give a two sentence outline of everything. Altogether, there are 4 pages of a survey that you need to finish up. I finished up mine with fake poo. Don't you fuckers rodent me our or my record there will be restricted.

My Thought process

I partook in my experience on Escort Babylon. It had a ton of chicks anxious to show you what they resemble naked, and okay with fucking you crazy in the event that you are in their state and got the cash they are requesting. In any case, frankly, the site configuration is maybe the most incredibly terrible I have found in several years. That and the way that you can't plunk down and read the escort surveys that the site was set up for without first enrolling and composing something like one survey implies that I am not exactly a very remarkable enormous fan.

Generally speaking, I would suggest Escort Babylon. Be that as it may, I could do without it.

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tonysaintborgi · 3 years ago

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God I really wish tumblr users could collectively buy the CW lmao. There was only one CW show I actually liked (Arrow, not Supernatural) so I'm perfectly fine with wrecking it harder than it already is

so imagine we did tho, and they just picked users at random to write episodes like that post said and

SUPERNATURAL SEASON 16

Ep. 1: Escape From Superhell

Clearly written by a long time supernatural fanfic author upset by the finale. Soft-retcons most of it. The one guy and the angel kiss on screen.

Ep. 2: Dawn Of The Doodle

The main heroes get trapped in a picture book by a witch who has a day job as a preschool teacher. The majority of it is badly animated and full of whedonisms. Regarded by future fans as "the most unique filler episode."

Ep. 3: A New Hero

A story featuring a new character who's clearly the writer's overpowered original character. Most pre-established characters have few lines, if any. This character is never really seen from again because none of the other writers really gave a shit but they become a minor fan favorite.

Ep. 4: Power Crystals

Inexplicably, a single episode Breaking Bad crossover where the boys help a haunted meth lab. The episode is framed to be in the middle of a lull in the breaking bad story and doesn't contradict either BB or SPN canon, somehow. This episode caused a large spike of people streaming breaking bad.

Ep. 5: The Lock

Written by a frustrated SPN nerd specifically to fix a minor plot hole that most people didn't even notice. The pacing is horrible and the writing is stiff and it's as if the writer was being paid per callback because it's PACKED with them. But it's def by someone who knows their shit about the series.

Ep. 6: Bingo Bongo

This person who wrote this entered the draft as a joke. The word "poop" is said at least 150 times, 50 of those back to back back and forth between the main characters. angel dude blows a raspberry and anyone who follows a supernatural fan sees that gif nonstop for weeks. Everyone comically kills each other at the end in a way you could tell it was just the writer being petty at SPN fans.

Ep. 7: Cas' Day Out

Despite the last episode, everyone is alive. The characters who aren't the angel guy discuss what they think angel guy does when he's alone. One theorizes he tries to live a normal life. Another says he must be the Ultimate Hero of Heaven or something. These ideas are explored. The end of the episode shows angel guy just reading a book.

Ep. 8: Nature of Reality

In a dramatic tension shift this edgy episode begins with learning god is dead. however they all go to heaven and learn god wasn't actually god, they were only third in command. the repercussions on the series are grand, perhaps shaking everything down to the foundation, but is not really explored.

Ep. 9: Fun In The Sun

Beach episode :)

would i watch any of these? probably not. but the entertainment I'd get from watching spn fans watch these? beautiful

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coutelier · 2 years ago

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Irongate: Lana Sane, Part One

This a little novella I’ve been working on while doing the next draft of my main project (it’s set after, so a few spoilers). I will post over the coming weeks it junks like this of about 2,000 words.

SYNOPSIS: Pint-sized anti-hero Tenley Tych leads some residents from a care home on a quest to fulfil one of their numbers dying wish, while she learns the value of history and connecting with the past. Then she fights a statue.

Millenia ago a family sheltered in a cave. On the tundra they faced many dangers. So many relatives lost to ice or sickness or predators. The world outside was one they could not control; even praying to the Gods did little to mitigate the harsh realities of nature. But perhaps to survive as a human means looking past what is cruel to what is magnificent. The icy plains, the herds of mighty beasts, the sun, moon, sky. With infinite patience the family sparked a fire, ground charcoal and other things into paste, all to celebrate the splendor of their world. They began to paint.

Twenty thousand years later twelve-year-old Tenley Tych tilted her head and squinted at a holographic projection of their work, concluding, “it’s rubbish.”

Seated next to her in the van, Jennifer Airhart gaped like she’d been punched in the gut, “rubbish!?”

“What’s it even supposed to be?”

“Well, it’s a Mammoth. I think. The trunk’s just a little faded.”

Tenley folded her arms to huff, “I could draw a better Mammoth than that and I have never even seen a real one.”

“Okay, well, I’ve seen your drawings so-“ Jenn swallowed, revising what she said next as Tenley’s eyes bore into her like lasers. “Anyway, it’s not about whether you’re a better artist than a caveman. They were the first animals to create like this. To make tools not for survival but to appreciate the beauty of their world. Don’t you feel any awe seeing something one of your own distant ancestors might have done?”

“Can’t have been my ancestor,” Tenley shrugged, “whoever did that had no talent.”

“You know,” Jennifer sighed, hanging her head as she shut down the projector leaving them in the back of the van surrounded by blinking lights and gadgets, “this is reminding me too much of school trips to museums. Everyone just wanted to fool around, except me. I guess it’s my fault - I’m not really a good communicator.”

Tenley peered sympathetically at her adopted elder all sagging and defeated. “You’re fine,” she assured her. “What I don’t understand is you always talk how amazing humans are and the incredible things they’ve done, but you don’t really like people at all. You’re always trying to avoid them.”

“It’s not that I dislike people,” Jennifer sighed, “it’s like Tangerines; I like them a lot, but too many at once will make me poop.”

“So that’s why we’ve been parked outside this care home for twenty minutes?” Tenley nodded, the old mansion - Dashwood - clearly visible through the van’s windscreen. “And it’s not just because you’re avoiding your uncle?”

“Great Uncle Quinn,” Jenn corrected, shoulders bunching as her hands slid beneath her. “He stayed with us a for a few years after my parents left, until he moved here. To be honest we never really got along.”

“What’s he like?”

“Oh; grumpy, grouchy, racist, misogynist - like all seven dwarfs stood on each other’s shoulders and wearing the skin of an old man.”

“So why is it you checking on him and not your cousins?”

“Said they were busy,” Jennifer said with all the conviction of someone totally unconvinced but too tired to argue about it.

“Well they’re going to start wondering why a van is out here, so you better decide whether we’re going in or not. If I have to knock-out another cop there’ll be more problems later.”

“It’s just I’ve never been here before. Not really sure where to go.”

“Maybe to the door marked reception?”

“Right,” Jenn bit her lip. It was obvious of course, but, “what then?”

“Then ask whoever’s there where your uncle is.”

“Right,” that was the problem; having to go inside and talk to a complete stranger before getting to her uncle. Jennifer took a breath, balancing herself. She could do this; just walk in there, say hello, sign-in. Easy, right? What if the person inside didn’t see her, like they were reading a magazine, watching videos, or perhaps just ignoring her? How would she get their attention? Would there be a bell? How annoyed would they be if she rung it? It was nonsense, all this thoughts rushing through her head. Intellectually Jennifer understood that, and yet her heart quickened regardless. Somewhere toward the back of the van, almost as if she’d planned it, a little blue light started blinking. “Oh! Actually, I have to quickly calibrate the thingemmydonk.”

Tenley’s eyebrow raised to form a question-mark on her face. “The thingemmydonk?”

“Right. So, could you talk to them while I…?”

“Yeah,” Tenley’s eyes rolled, “I figured that’s where this was going,” she grumbled as she slid out the side door onto the gravel, “you know I could have been watching the new season of Big Dino Brawl. You better be right behind me.”

Tenley stomped her little feet all the way to the reception desk but despite that the young man behind it failed to notice her approach, so engrossed was he in an issue of Colin the Barbarian. She waited a few seconds for him to acknowledge her - which to a child was basically days - before bashing the bell repeatedly. The pernicious ringing and dinging got him up to peer over the desk at the small girl.

“Stop that!” He groaned, “it’s not a toy.”

“If you use your imagination it could be,” Tenley encouraged, “like one of those clicking games people have on their phones.”

“It gives me a headache,” he was obviously unused to children or he would not have given away a weakness like that. “So what do you want? You checking in?”

“Funny,” Tenley acknowledged, “I’m looking for Quinn Alto.”

“You got a grown-up with you?”

“Sure. She’s,” Tenley gestured back to the door only to find Jenn had already slipped inside. “Well she’s hiding behind those plants now. You see? She’s waving - yes, hello. She’s shy. She’ll come out of there eventually.”

The desk man looked between the blonde haired, pale skinned Jennifer, and the black haired, tan skinned Tenley, astutely observing, “you don’t look related.”

Tenley’s dark eyes flared as she huffily answered, “do I look like someone who wants to tell you her life story?” She raised her arm, threatening to ring the bell again. “Just tell us where the old man is.”

Soon they were stood in a hall outside a wooden door, Jennifer taking several breaths before tentatively knocking. After a moment with no response she suggested, “maybe he’s not in there.”

“He’s in there,” Tenley said, tapping her foot impatiently. “He’s just being really slow.”

“How do you know?”

Tenley looked up, her eye whites swallowed by velvety black as a brief reminder of what she was. “I could just smash it open,” she suggested.

“N0 - no smashing anything. We’ll just wait.”

“Guess he’s up now anyway,” Tenley continued tapping her foot for another minute. “Did I mention I’m missing my show?”

“Well, it’s not really your show, is it? You weren’t involved in making it.”

“I bought a Lego set so I have invested.”

“And when everyone hates the finale you’ll disown and not take any responsibility. That’s very Meridiem.”

“Is it normal to have quite long conversations waiting for your uncle to cross a small room?”

The door finally clicked open, Jennifer gasping, “Uncle Quinn!”

He was of course an old man, thin wisps of white hair clinging to a liver-spotted scalp, one arm in a sling, loose cheeks pulling his lips down into what seemed a perpetual frown. Perhaps it more than just seemed as the first words he said were “what the hell do you want?”

Tenley had grown used to seeing frequent changes in Jennifer. At home or in her van she was relaxed. She told jokes. She often grew anxious at the prospect of meeting anyone new, but could relax again once she had a clear purpose. This time however was different; after Uncle Quinn opened the door Jennifer bowed her head, clasped her hands, standing there like an old maid. “I heard about your accident. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You wanted nothing - you were told to come here and were too spineless to say no,” he hobbled into an armchair while turning up the volume of the TV to hear the news. “And I’ve nothing I need or want from you so just crawl back and tell them I’m fine.”

Tenley had said a similar thing after Jenn had got the call. The difference was that when she’d said it she was trying to look out for Jennifer and convince her to be less of a pushover, whereas when Quinn said it he was just trying to hurt her. Tenley had known him five seconds and didn’t want to waste any more time on him, and there were TV’s in each of these rooms. “Well, you heard him - he doesn’t want any help,” she shrugged, “we can still catch the second episode before Burplr is overrun with spoilers.” But Jennifer was biting her lip in the way that meant she was torn - she didn’t want to stay, but felt she had to do more before she left.

Quinn briefly looked over with mild curiosity but mostly disdain. “Who’s the brat?”

“This is Tenley,” Jennifer explained, “she’s living with me now. Long story.”

He shook and snorted disapprovingly, “taking in strays? You should be thinking about starting your own family. A real family.”

Jennifer muttered her response, loud enough to be heard but quiet enough to be plausibly misheard, “Well what I know is real is that she helps me more than you’ve ever helped anyone, so…”

Quinn scoffed, “I just don’t get it. Pretty blonde like you should have boys lining up to propose marriage.”

“Okay that felt all kinds of wrong and creepy,” Jennifer sighed, “I suppose now you’re going to ask if I’m lesbian?”

“Are you one of them lesbians or something?”

If she was, this would hardly be the time nor the person she would choose to come out to. The truth was relationships just weren’t something she thought much about at all, but that seemed to strike everyone as the least human of persuasions, although incidentally she wasn’t exactly human either - there was no need to burden anyone with that or the very long explanation it would entail. “I just have my mind on other things. Besides I’m only twenty-two.”

“Yeah, you always think you’ve got all the time in the world, and then,” he shrugged with his one good shoulder before turning up the volume again. The coverage was of evacuations around Abominable Zones. Not long ago a synthetic mutagen had been released into the atmosphere spreading far around the globe. There was a vaccine and it wasn’t as potent as the version Tenley had been exposed to, but now it was out it was free to mutate and evolve. Places where it fell most heavily had been sealed off by various militaries, guns trained on the dark in case anything emerged.

“Look,” Jenn exhaled, “I just need to make sure you’re been taken care of and looking after yourself. Everyone is worried about you.”

“Um,” Tenley raised a hand, “I’m not.”

“Of course I didn’t mean literally everyone.”

“I just want it clear that I don’t care at all. I’m only here because it’s too dangerous to leave me unsupervised. And for Jenn, I guess.”

“Thank you, Ten,” Jenn gently placed a hand on her ward’s shoulder, “it’s okay - I think I can handle things from here. Go watch your show.”

“You sure?” Tenley narrowed her eyes at the old man. Jenn was sure - there wasn’t much Tenley could do here; if he yelled or got abusive she could punch his head off and shove it up the other end, but that was exactly the kind of thing Jennifer tried to discourage. Besides, back in familiar territory with her uncle and all his annoying questions Jenn no longer needed the forceful twelve year old to get through. “Well, holler if you need me.”

As Tenley exited the news report was interviewing refugees. “You know whose fault this all is?”

“Actually, yes - I was there when it happened,” Jenn mumbled, “but I’m guessing you’ll make it out it’s somehow the fault of anyone who isn’t straight, white, and capitalist?”

“It’s those damn Australians!”

“Okay, well, that I wasn’t expecting. I’ve got to ask how and why exactly?”

“Cui bono - most of these people want to head south to countries least affected. The economy down there is booming like never before while we spend billions trying to contain this thing.”

“Ergo, Thor created a virus to force more tourism down under? I’d say that’s a fine example of abductive reasoning leading to entirely the wrong conclusion.”

“So what’s your explanation for all this?”

“Meridiem and Stag Corp being reckless, irresponsible, and stupid. That’s it. That’s all it was. And because of it the world is changed forever.”

“Bah! That’s fake news.”

“No - you mean it’s news you don’t like because it suggests that other things need to change. You think every report should just be ‘once again, Uncle Quinn was right about everything’.”

Quinn curled his upper lip, nostrils flaring like a terrible smell had entered the room. “You Airharts always thought you were so damn smart. Where’d that get your mom and dad, hm? Not here, are they?”

Jennifer’s cheeks sunk as she squished her lips. It was good that she had sent Tenley away or the girl might have reacted far more violently to such a low blow. She just had to remind herself that he was just a confused bitter old man and it wasn’t worth lowering herself to his level. Besides, she didn’t think she would last long in a women’s prison - catfights and bullying really weren’t her fortes.

“I’ve never said you were stupid,” Jennifer said. She had admittedly thought it many times just because he said so many patently stupid things.

“Don’t patronize me, girl - I managed a business for forty years! I don’t even know what you do, up there in that lighthouse all the time, adopting strange children.”

“Like I said - it’s a long story,” and honestly, Jenn sighed to herself, she didn’t think he was really interested. She slowly sat down on the bed. What he wanted, she thought, was someone to just listen to him complain for a while, which she could do while pondering math problems and the news report spoke to some of the refugees fleeing south.

Quinn snorted, shaking his head at them, “damn emigrants.”

#writing #writeblr #fiction #original fiction #science fiction #sci-fi #sci-fi & fantasy #wip #irongate #lana sane #writers on tumblr

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comprised-of-magpies · 4 years ago

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Some safety & survival tips

This isn’t something that I’d normally post, but with college starting I thought I’d share some tips I’ve gathered over the years for staying safe (edit: I was informed a lot of these are basic knowledge, but I’ll share anyway because you never know)

if a room in your house randomly smells like fish, check the outlets, melted plastic often gives off a fish odor and unchecked could start an electrical fire

don’t swerve for deer and risk you or your car, hit it, with the proof of hitting it insurance can help cover the damage (edit: sorry, I don’t mean to encourage killing an animal, and I know the deer can do some hefty damage, this is just if your options are swerving full speed into a ditch/other car, or hitting the deer, the deer might be a better option. obv if you think you’ll be fine swerving out of the way, do that)

speaking of ^, if you see a deer on the road and it runs off in time, keep going slow and stay on the lookout, there’s more often than not more than just one deer and you never know if it’ll jump into the road

however, swerve for a moose, you’re going to hit the legs and then you have 1500 lbs coming thru your windshield

if you’re in a dark, unfamiliar area, keep the keys handy, for one the key itself can easily be used as a weapon, two if you set off a car alarm it might grab someone’s attention if you’re in danger, or at least deter someone threatening you

try not to be wearing heels if you know you’ll be in the situation above. first of all, everyone knows it’s hard to run in heels, so an opportunist will likely target someone that won’t as easily get away. secondly, it just hurts to run in them. I was out past 10pm walking several blocks to where I parked my car and noticed two guys tailing me, and while my heels were thick and only about 4-5 inches, running a block to my car in sheer terror left my ankles beyond sore the next day, and I can only imagine how catastrophic it would’ve been if my foot got caught in a hole or if my ankle twisted.

if the water retreats quickly and farther than normal, pack it up and run, that’s a sign of an oncoming tsunami

stranded in the cold? don’t stop moving. shaking and shivering is good, that’s the body’s way of trying to stay warm, if you suddenly stop shivering, it means your body has given up and you’re past the point of it being able to warm itself. don’t let someone take their clothes off either in the cold. this sounds weird and obvious, but when you’re exposed to hypothermia-inducing conditions for so long, your nerves get fried, and you start thinking you’re boiling alive and don’t contain rational thought anymore

if you haven’t eaten or drank anything for a period of a couple days, pace yourself when food/water is available. If you consume too much immediately after starving, that’s a massive shock to your system. When concentration camp survivors were freed, they were given too much food for their malnourished bodies to process, and that’s fatal.

if vomit/poop is like black tar or coffee grounds, see a doctor, that’s a sign of internal bleeding (obv periods for girls are different, if menstrual blood is like coffee grounds there’s a good chance it’s just really, really old blood, but it’s still a good idea to check in with a doctor)

a lot of predators (I know at least mountain lions/cougars) are deterred from attacking if they see your face/eyes

if you’re hitting the gas pedal, and the tachometer is moving, and the car is not, you’re hydroplaning. Your first instinct is to hit the brakes. DON’T HIT THE BRAKES. Your best bet is to ride it out, gradually slow down, try and let other cars know what’s going on, pull over and calm down.

car windows are strongest in the middle, aim for the edges or corners

911 should work anywhere (even other countries), SIM card or not, for free, so don’t waste time scrambling for change at a pay phone

if you’re in a pool and the water tastes metallic, get out, there’s an electrical short in the water

a seriously upset stomach is another sign of a heart attack

if you’re getting manhandled into a van, don’t fight fair. fight to get away as soon as possible. elbow or palm to nose, heel to toe, thumbs or elbows to eyes, knee to groin, strike the ears, nails to throat, do whatever you can and make as much noise as possible. don’t get taken to a secondary location

don’t punch the face, punch the throat. no matter how weak you are, a fist to the windpipe is enough to stun anyone

the flesh on the underside of the arm is fragile. try pinching it, it hurts right? even lightly? pinch someone there hard, and PULL. you can tear out muscle fiber and tendons doing that, and it’ll hurt. a lot.

if you think you’re in danger, call someone, or even just pretend to call someone, and then make plans, loudly. even fake plans work, just make them soon. if someone is following you, knowing that you’ll be expected somewhere/your absence will be immediately noticed is sometimes enough to ward off the very unfriendly folk.

it’s worth it to keep pepper spray, I accidentally indirectly caught myself with it when testing to make sure it works, and the smell alone made me tear up. I was coughing and blowing my nose for several hours after, so imagine spraying it in someone’s eyes, the intended use.

it’s worth shining a light in the backseat of your car, especially if you left it unlocked. the previously mentioned unfriendly folk have used the method of laying in the back waiting for you to enter the vehicle, so a couple seconds to check can’t hurt.

keep valuable looking items away from windows, this hopefully lessens the chance a burglar will choose your house

be wary of a big truck or van parked next to your driver side door, that’s also a kidnapping tactic. It’s worth it to get in on the other side—lock the doors immediately—and crawl over

be wary of someone stopping you and asking you for directions, if you’ve seen a dog, etc, as opportunists prey on your inclination to be helpful (obv it’s not bad to want to help people, but don’t be afraid to say “no, sorry” and keep moving, this is how Ted Bundy lured in his victims)

if someone grabs you, drop your body weight. rag doll, go limp. the attacker will likely have to adjust his grip. If they manage to keep ahold of you, don’t try and pry away their hands, try and grab their thumbs and BEND

if you’re aware you’re having a heart attack, force yourself to cough, that’ll keep the heart pumping

You’re better off screaming “FIRE!” than “HELP!”, as people often don’t want to get involved, which is sad and frustrating but true, but a fire involves everyone around you

if you’re struggling to light a (gas) stove, and it’s making the clicking noise but there’s no flame, wait for awhile because now there’s gas in the air that depending on how many times you tried to light the stove, wouldn’t be a good idea to light

when giving cpr: dominant over nondominant, to the center of the chest between the nipples. it helps to hum Staying Alive, as the tempo aligns with the cpr treatment. don’t stop if you hear/feel a rib crack, bones mend, a stopped heart doesn’t

tip from firefighters: search rooms with the back of your hand. if you think a room is on fire, feel the metal door handle with the back of your hand, that way if it’s hot you burn the back and don’t reduce your ability to grip things. this also prevent grabbing ahold of an electrical outlet with a current in it, the electricity invading your body will contract your muscles making you unable to actually let go of the outlet

Keep adding your own please! This is a very short list, and you can never know too much on safety precautions

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mcheang · 4 years ago

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Hello. It's been a while. :) Post-Miracle Queen: There’s an Akuma who turns people into cute baby animals. During this state, people don't have memories as humans. They act like an animal would. Marinette gets hit and becomes the class pet until Ladybug fixes everything. Lila doesn't like this and having to pretend to coo over her rival. Her fake enthusiasm and plots to get Marinette banned temporarily from school gets her caught eventually by angry classmates.

Baby Mari

This is a draft

It’s annoying when your older siblings pull the whole “I’m older” card on you. Sometimes it can lead to deep, negative emotions. Something Hawkmoth takes advantage of when he akumatizes Perrine, fed up with her bossy older brother telling their mother she isn’t responsible enough for a pet yet.

So she is transformed to the Pacifier, and is heading for Dupont, where her brother is.

With a shake of her rattle, Pacifier sprinkles glitter on her victims, who turns into adorable baby animals.

The students were used to akumatizations and ran for it. Except Marinette couldn’t just leave Alya behind to film. And she got caught in the glitter as well.

Alya picked up a baby....bunny? (What? The ears could resemble pigtails when flattened)

https://youtu.be/_v94XqFW4Qw

Somehow Tikki avoided discovery. This is terrible. With the Guardian gone, Chat Noir will be on his own! Well, Mr Bug will be on his own, because the akuma has to be purified.

After Pacifier departed with her new pets, she went to find her mother.

School resumed. Alya had permission to bring Marinette to class since her parents didn’t allow pets in the bakery and it would probably take an hour for the akuma to be defeated. Otherwise, the bakery would be shut down for a while as Tom and Sabine looked through pet care guides.

As the class cooed over Marinette, Lila scowled over the loss of attention. With Chloé gone into hiding, there was one less contender for the spot of class queen.

Rose noticed Lila hanging back. “Come give her a pet Lila. She won’t bite. Marinette is such a cute bunny, and her fur is so soft!”

Lila plastered on a relieved smile, like she was glad people think she could get close to Marinette now.

Except as soon as the bunny smelled the liar, she instinctively bit the finger.

Lila: OW!

Lila recoiled, clutching her bleeding finger.

But instead of trying to comfort her, the girls actually chided Marinette in soft tones. “No, Mari, we don’t bite people.”

Alix: Wow, even in bunny form Marinette doesn’t like Lila.

Kim: you should go to the nurse Lila.

Lila: is no one going with me?

Everyone stared at her like she was being ridiculous.

Alya: Lila, it’s not a major wound. You don’t need us to follow you around everywhere. You’ll be fine.

Mylene: maybe Marinette’s hungry?

Adrien: does anybody have snacks? I have some Camembert but I read that rabbits shouldn’t eat those.

And just like that, Lila was dismissed from their minds.

As she stared in furious disbelief, Max glanced back to remind her to go.

That’s it. Time for the rodent to go.

Lila waited until lunch before grabbing Marinette with the lunch lady’s gloves. She just caused a food fight before grabbing Marinette as everyone turned to look at the spectacle.

As Lila headed to the second floor, she intended to drop Marinette from that height on the concrete, but the class quickly noticed her absence and spread out, calling for her.

Of course someone had to notice Lila was wearing gloves.

Lila quickly claimed she was trying to get Marinette to the safety of the class. That got her some gratitude, until wrinkled noses pointed out that Marinette must have confused rubber gloves for a litter box. Said gloves were currently dripping on Lila’s favorite shoes.

Alya managed to get Marinette out of Lila’s grip before she strangled the bunny.

Maybe she should try shooting the bunny instead. People hunt bunnies right?

Nah. Too much work.

Fine, how about insisting that pets are not allowed in school? But Damocles has been turned into a baby owl and Ms Bustier was all for letting the class bond over a class pet. ...is it too late to pretend she has a late-acting allergy?

Ooh. Lila’s got it. She goes to talk to a school assistant instructing some students on how to care for their new class Chinchilla.

Lila goes up, praising him for his hard work and knowledge but also offers her sympathies for cleaning up after the animal messes. And don’t they shed too?

Unfortunately the assistant turns out to be Mylene’s father. Wasn’t he supposed to be an actor? And he calls over Mylene to tell Lila where she put the gloves and poop bags.

And as for the shed hair, even humans have hair loss.

Mylene thinks it’s wonderful of Lila to volunteer for poop duty, but she shouldn’t be surprised. The excited Mylene hands Lila her new equipment before she can protest.

Lila is furious. But she eventually makes use of an opportunity to sweep Marinette into the pan and throw her into the dumpster. Everyone else backed off when Lila suggested they take her shift, hence they didn’t see Marinette getting swept up.

Except there was no way for them not to notice Marinette was missing once Lila had gone. Suspicious, Adrien stopped Lila.

Inside the pan, they found a stinky bunny.

Lila: oops, I must have accidentally caught her.

Adrien: how do you accidentally catch a bunny when her....um...business is smaller than she is?!

Lila: I don’t watch while sweeping.

Kim: that is just plain stupid.

Mylene: aren’t you supposed to be an expert at this sort of thing?

Lila nearly squawked in outrage at the idea that being a frequent volunteer means being experienced at clean up.

Alya: maybe you better take a day off? You don’t seem to have a way with animals. You can get away because the akuma is still out.

Lila couldn’t believe it. They were actually kicking her out. She was going to protest before Rose started insisting they give Marinette a proper wash.

Lila tries to volunteer for that but Max interrupted, “Sorry Lila. But with what has already happened, you’re more likely to choke Marinette with soap than otherwise.”

He wasn’t that far off. Lila would have likely drowned the baby animal.

Lila stormed out of school. As luck would have it, she crossed the Pacifier’s path.

A sprinkle of glitter.

Where once stood a teenage girl now stood a crow fledgling. Shame how nobody was around to witness this. Lila the crow lay helpless on the ground, until the Pacifier plucked her up and dumped her into a pram stuffed with other baby animals. It was a tight squeeze, and suffocating since the baby crow was smaller than the other animals.

It took some time for Mr Bug to defeat the Pacifier, though it helped that Pacifier was distracted by the sight of a baby bunny rolling around in flour.

When the Miraculous Mr Bug was cast, Marinette found herself safe at home. Lila found herself on the street sucking on a worm.

Lila spat it out. “Ew!”

When Marinette returned to class, her friends still coddled her and pampered her, much to her bemusement. Lila just glowered from the back. She never wanted to see another baby animal ever again.

Caline: alright class, settle down! Welcome back Marinette. Since we had such fun taking care of Marinette, I thought of a fun project for home economics.

Ms Bustier moved aside to reveal hamsters in their own cages.

You have got to be kidding me! Lila thought furiously. Her assigned hamster likes to bite too.

To rub salt in the wound, Marinette and Adrien were the proud new parents of Fu the hamster.

#miraculous ladybug fanfic #miraculous ladybug fic #ml fanfic #ml fanfiction #ml fic #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #murderous lila #lila karma #lila salt #lila bashing #post miracle queen #mr bug

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frywen-bumbles · 4 years ago

Text

The Way to a Man’s Heart Goes Through His... Cat? Ch5

AO3

Days later Jaskier is still thoroughly embarrassed by accidentally calling Geralt while drunk. He is sure he had picked Essi's number but what is done is done. They haven't talked much after that. The next day Geralt inquired after Roach but since then it's been radio silence and it does not bother Jaskier at all. Geralt must just be busy, that's all. No other reason what so ever.

<that's good. daddy said i shouldn't lie to him any more but he wouldn't like if i told someone mom yelled at him>

<yeah, it's bad to lie to your parents> <but maybe little secrets like this are okay> <no more texting anyone without permission though!>

<yeah, i'm sorry I lied mrJ> <hows the trip going now? i hope you don't have to be alone today like yesterday>

<no, today i got to help uncle A with a new video!> <uncle A came here yesterday and he and uncle L were being gross> <they make the best videos> <but daddy is better than them> <daddy is the best> <even grandpa says so but he told me not to tell uncle L because he would get upset>

<that's very sensible off him>

There's a link to a youtube video Jaskier clicks open without much thought. Except when he sees the channel he has to check to make sure he got it right. He knows this channel, he has watched almost every single video, including the one Fiona just sent him.

Camera zooms into a ginger headed man holding a sword, knee-deep in what looks like a natural pond.

"Oi, did you see it?" the cameraman asks laughing so hard the camera shakes

"Of course, not, you bastard! You were holding me down while it swam past!"

"Do you know what it is?"

"Fucking drowners I bet." the ginger man grumbles and lets out a yell as a blue-skinned monster leaps out of water. "Oi, fuck you, put that camera down and come help me!"

"Eh, you're doing fine! Show me that arse!" the cameraman laughs and the camera shakes.

"Fucking bitch ass cat!"

"I love you too!"

The camera moves to reveal a second blue-skinned monster closer, close enough to reach the camera.

"Oi, cub, catch!"

The camera flies in the air and for a while nothing but sky and leaves are visible. The camera turns back to show the cameraman killing the monster with a sword, a spray of blood flying in the air.

"Still struggling there, love?"

"I killed four while you were a prick killing only one! I'm not cooking for you tonight!"

"Oh, I'm wounded, how will I survive without the love of my life cooking for me?"

The ginger man gives the giggling cameraman the finger, a smile tugging at his lips.

Jaskier doesn't even glance at the comment section where the evergoing debate about the videos is going strong. In Jaskier's opinion it's stupid, no real witcher would post videos like this of their work. It's just two guys having too much time and energy in their hands making the videos look as realistic as possible, probably a combination of CGI and practical effects.

He has to admit, he is slightly hooked. Kittencam69 has been making these videos for a couple of years and while this is no way his favourite video, it's clear it was important to Fiona to be a part of making it.

His favourite videos are probably the ones where the ginger man yells from his window at werewolves. Or the one where they fight a wyvern, the effects of that one were truly gorgeous.

Why would someone spend their talent on something like this is beyond him, but who is he to judge? He still can't believe how anyone thinks the monsters in the videos are real though. He's far more interested if the two men are really dating or if that's just their way of talking to each other. He's 95% certain they are dating.

A text from Yen interrupts his thoughts.

<I'll drop it in an hour>

<oh, thank you, that's very kind of you>

This time around, when Yen comes, Jaskier is wearing trousers.

"Here's your book," Yen greets him and tosses an old book on the kitchen table hard enough Jaskier has to leap to grab it before it slides off the table and drops on Roach who is of course right there.

"Hello, nice to see you, why won't you come in and have some tea?" Jaskier says with a mocking voice and bows, pulling a chair out for her.

"I see you haven't set the house on fire," Yen says as she sits down.

"Please, I'm not that terrible of a cook!" Jaskier exclaims as he puts the kettle on.

"Right, you were eating nothing but instant ramen last time I was here."

"That!" Jaskier points at Yen in mock outrage, "was one day! One unfortunate day I was a mess and you think I live like that?!"

"Of course, I'm never wrong." Yen smiles sharp and Jaskier can't help the cold shivers running down his back.

"You're terrible, that's what you are..." he mumbles as he digs out mugs from the cabinet. "So what this book then?" Jaskier takes the book he'd put the cover down on the table and almost drops it. 'Fifty Years of Poetry' stares at him from the cover of the book.

"Oh, just something I had lying around, you know," Yen drawls in what Jaskier is quite certain is mock indifference. He squints his eyes at her in suspicion.

"So you're telling me you had one of the most sought after books in the academic world just 'lying around' and decided to give it to some random uni student?"

"Please, don't think I'm doing this for you." Yen waves him off, "You're an idiot."

"Why, thank you for the compliment, ma'am." Jaskier bows again. "Do you want the pink or the white mug?"

They settle down on the table, cups of tea and some biscuits Jaskier got after last time Yen visited.

"I- ah- had some questions about Geralt." Jaskier admits shyly as he puts the 'Fifty Years of Poetry' safe away from the table. He wouldn't want to ruin a book that valuable by accidentally spilling something on it.

"Hm, what did he do?"

"Oh, no nothing! It's nothing like that. I was just- maybe if you could- you don't have to of course-"

"Just spit it out, Julian," Yen interrupts him, sounding both put-out and bored, a feat Jaskier can only hope to master.

"Maybeyouwouldknowifhe'sseeinganyoneorsomething..." Jaskier manages to mumble out, which makes Yen burst out laughing.

"Oh, gods, I thought this was something serious, you had me for a moment there." Yen falls into a fit of giggles Jaskier is sure is aimed at him. Or perhaps at the thought of Geralt seeing anyone but the way Yen thrills at his discomfort tells him it's the former.

Of course, the hot cat dad is not single, who is he even kidding. He should probably just think about the book he got. And his thesis. And definitely, not the hot cat dad whose bed he's been sleeping in for the past month.

He is doomed.

***

It's high time to do something about the vegetable garden.

Or literally anything to avoid his thesis, if Jaskier is completely honest with himself.

Roach is chasing something in the bushes and Jaskier is happier not knowing what unfortunate small animal will face its maker. He stares at the vegetable garden which at this point seems to be about 50-50 vegetables and weeds. At least the plants are alive.

"I should have done this several times already, right, Roachie?" Jaskier asks the cat who emerges from the bushes covered in leaves and dirt. She gives him a wide berth and digs a hole at the other end of the patch.

"I swear to gods, Roach, if I find cat poop when I'm weeding this thing you will not get out for a week, do you hear me?"

Roach does not listen to him. Of course, she doesn't. She covers the hole she made and runs back into the bushes.

"That's disgusting, Roach. You have a perfectly fine litter box inside why would you do that to me?"

Roach doesn't answer. In fact, Jaskier is quite certain she's not listening to him at all, far more interested in whatever is the bushes.

A large lock on the door of the shed stops his gardening endeavours quite efficiently. He tries in vain to find the key somewhere close by but has to give up after a while.

"Okay, so if I were a key where would I be?" Jaskier rummages through the kitchen and the living room, only finding a stash of cat toys under the sofa.

"Oi, what are you so happy about? I know it was you who hid them there!" Jaskier cries at Roach who jumps in the middle of the pile startling him.

His search leads him into the study, Roach hot on his heels. She jumps on top of the bookshelf and Jaskier finds himself marvelling yet again how effortless Roach makes the almost two and a half metre jump look like.

"Hey, Roachie, came in to check what I'm up to?" Jaskier asks as he tries to open the top drawer of the desk. "Aaah, shite, why I never remember which side is locked..." he mumbles as he moves to the other end of the massive desk and opens the top drawer on that side.

All he finds is stationary in an amazing array of boring and practical to colourful and silly. He suspects the likes of the pink glitter pens with pompoms at the top are the results of Fiona getting to decide what to get.

He moves to the bookshelf next, more out of boredom than any real thought about finding the key. The books all look incredibly boring, ranging from computer science to physics and the sort. Nothing that would catch Jaskier's eye.

He takes one book out in random and opens it to leaf it through if to do nothing else at least he gets to avoid writing his thesis. But what greets him in the pages makes him almost drop the book entirely.

Monsters.

Pages after pages about monsters. Detailed drawings, stories, myths, facts. Anything in between.

Jaskier feels his fingers turn numb from the sheer shock. He looks at the bookshelf again and pulls another book, then another and another.

Monsters. Potions. Magic. Elder races. It's all there. Jaskier can't even comprehend the sheer volume of knowledge that has been at his grasp for over a month without him knowing anything about it and it makes his head spin. He needs... he needs to read everything.

The bling of his phone brings him back from his frantic search for more and more books.

Jaskier stares at his phone, panic rising in his throat. He's... well him? Not some sort of accomplished tutor Fiona's mother is surely expecting.

Just as he presses send he hears the front door open.

"Julian? Are you here?"

Oh shit. Oh. Shit.

He's so screwed.

<now>

"Yen? I'm upstairs, I'll be right there!" he shouts. He's so screwed. Yen, of all people, is Fiona's mother.

She is going to kill him.

Another surge of panic hits him. He asked Yen if Geralt was single! She's his... wife? ex? An old flame? Whatever she is, that is not someone to ask something like that.

"Julian? What are you doing- oh! You found Geralt's books."

"I'm sorry...!" Jaskier whispers, suddenly terrified of the woman in the doorway. "I didn't mean to snoop, I swear, I was only looking for a key to the shed to find some gardening tools, I never meant-!"

Yen silences him with a dismissive gesture with her hand, "I don't care about the books. If he's stupid enough to leave them for you to find it's not my problem. What I came here for was to talk about Fiona. Care to offer me some tea?"

"Tea? Um, yeah sure... tea coming right away..." he feels like he avoided death.

"Sooo, I'm finally face to face with the famous Mr J." Yen says when she has a steaming mug of tea in front of her.

Jaskier slumps on a chair opposite of her and buries his face in his hands.

"Please, don't murder me, I didn't know you were her mother..." he mumbles from between her fingers, wailing up in his misery almost far enough he doesn't hear Yen snort.

"Please, I wouldn't murder you for that. For something else though..."

"Please, don't murder me for any reason," Jaskier begs, not lifting his face from his hands.

"Don't worry, you're way too unimportant to be murdered." Yen pats his arm.

"Why am I relieved to hear that?" Jaskier moans and finally uncovers his face to look at Yen. "So, you presumably wanted to talk about Fiona before you murder me?"

"True. She has her final tests coming up before summer and she's fallen way more behind than I thought."

"Wait, wait, I thought you didn't want to murder me?" Jaskier squeaks. Yen gives him a terrifying smile.

"Like I was saying. She has fallen behind on her studies. And I need you to tutor her, properly this time, not just helping with her homework. I will pay you of course. And a bonus if I feel she did well enough in her tests."

"Pay me?" Jaskier asks, suddenly way more interested. He could, in theory, save the extra money towards a deposit for a place for his own, which he'll need soon if some other gig doesn't come up during the next few weeks.

"I'll give you double what Geralt is paying you. Tripple if Fiona's grades are good enough."

The biscuit Jaskier was eating drops from his mouth.

"Ah, shite, fuck!" he tries desperately to stop the crumbs from spreading everywhere, failing spectacularly.

"I'm so glad we have an agreement. I'll see you around, Julian." Yen rises from her chair and before Jaskier has the chance to collect a single thought, she's already gone.

#the witcher #the witcher fanfic #geralt of rivia #Jaskier #Yennefer of Vengerberg #cirilla fiona elen riannon #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #frywen writes

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sandersstudies · 5 years ago

Text

CWs with timestamps for new video! Hope this helps!

I’m not tagging this post, as it’s likely that the people who need to see it most are those blocking tags. This post is ABOUT content warnings, and is meant to be informative and helpful, so proceed with caution or skip if it’s not relevant to you.

The list includes for each content warning a timestamp, brief description, and rating from “very mild” to “severe.” Almost entirely spoiler-free! Let me know if there is anything I missed.

(A few things are NOT marked - let me know if you need them to be: Weapons such as Roman’s sword being used for comedy or plot (not violence). Mentions of ghosts in a casual or humorous context. Implied alcohol mention. Plot-relevant discussion of Jeffrey Dahmer (murderer, sex offender) - any mentions of violence etc. surrounding him are included below, but mere mentions of his name are not.)

Continue below the cut!

Blood and Gore

7:19-7:23 Zombie imagery with some blood (moderate) (See “Disturbing Imagery”)

7:25 A very small amount of blood splashes from offscreen and remains on a character’s face until 7:35. (mild)

8:14-8:16 The first instance of a repeated flashback sequence which is scary but very blurry/unclear what is being shown. There is a small amount of blood and implied death, but the sequence is so brief/unclear at normal speed that it’s difficult to see. (moderate-to-severe) (The same sequence is repeated at 17:21-17:24 and at 19:38-19:41.) (See “Violence,” see “Disturbing Imagery,” see “Death”)

14:09-14:16 A character is seen in two shots with a fake dismembered hand covered in blood. There is also blood in/around their mouth. (moderate-to-severe) (See “Disturbing Imagery”)

25:22 A character has their teeth knockred out magically. There is a small-to-medium amount of blood on their face, but the character is calm and apparently not in pain. They are shown intermittently with the blood on their face until 26:22. (moderate-to-severe) (See “Violence”)

Death

5:45-50 Two death mentions, the first serious/spooky, the second casual/joking (moderate) (see “Violence”)

6:29 Shouted death mention, part of a joke (mild)

6:58-7:01 Comedic and cartoonish death, i.e. dramatically falling down, holding flowers (mild)

7:19-7:23 Exaggerated suffocation (moderate) (See “Violence”)

8:24 Death mention. Character makes the motion of slitting a throat with one finger. Comedic. (mild)

8:53-8:55 A living character is put inside a coffin comedically (mild)

8:55-8:58 A character choking, exaggerated, brief (mild-to-moderate)

8:58-9:00 Joking mention of animal death (mild-to-moderate)

15:44-15:50 Mentions of nudity and burning, possibly slight suicide implication (moderate) (See “Death”)

16:29 Death mention (mild).

16:47-17:00 Ongoing metaphor involving death (moderate).

19:16-19:20 Brief implied death mention. (mild-to-moderate)

26:53-26:55 Shouted death mention, part of a joke (mild).

Sexual Innuendo

7:24 The word “porn” is used (mild-to-moderate) (See “Crude Humor”)

9:50-9:57 Silly “sexy” dance and phrase “juicy stuff.” (mild)

10:22 Very brief, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it use of the phrase “brain sex” which is cut off (mild)

11:57-11:59 Use of the word “condom” in a joking context. (mild) (Repeated but “censored” in a joking context immediately afterward) (See “Crude Humor”)

13:52-13:57 Two uses of the word “penis.” (mild-to-moderate) (See “Crude Humor”)

20:09-20:14 A character is licked on the cheek, use of the word “smash” to imply sex. (moderate)

24:34-24:36 A character jokingly begins to get undressed, no actual exposure (mild).

24:52-24:55 Joke playing off the letter “D” being used to mean “penis.” (mild-to-moderate)

28:09-28:12 Use of the word “erection.” (moderate) (See “Crude Humor”)

Violence

5:45-5:50 Murder mention (moderate) (see “Death”)

6:20-6:27 A character is hit on the head and falls down, asleep. The character is not seriously harmed. (moderate)

7:19-7:23 Exaggerated suffocation (moderate) (See “Violence”)

7:25 Use of the word “impaled,” implied momentry violence offscreen (moderate) (See “Blood and Gore”)

7:34 A character is hit in the face with an object, which breaks. The character is unharmed. (mild)

7:53 A character is lightly hit in the face and falls down comedically. The character is unharmed. (very mild)

8:14-8:16 The first instance of a repeated flashback sequence which is scary but very blurry/unclear what is being shown. There is a small amount of blood and implied death, but the sequence is so brief/unclear at normal speed that it’s difficult to see. (moderate-to-severe) (The same sequence is repeated at 17:21-17:24 and at 19:38-19:41.) (See “Disturbing Imagery,” see “Blood and Gore,” see “Death”)

10:47-10:49 Mention of animal torture (mild)

19:08-19:10 Brief mention of violence, used as a gross threat (mild-to-moderate) (See “Crude Humor.”)

20:20-20:26 Shaking of a character by the throat for comedic purposes (moderate).

22:30-22:34 Murder mentions, casual. (mild)

25:22 A character has their teeth knocked out magically. There is a small-to-medium amount of blood on their face, but the character is calm and apparently not in pain. They are shown intermittently with the blood on their face until 26:22. (moderate-to-severe) (See “Blood and Gore”)

26:50-26:55 A character is hit in the face with a sharp object and falls backward, apparently injured, but immediately gets up and is fine. No blood. (moderate-to-severe)

30:15-30:20 Discussion of jumping out of a moving car. Non-violent. (mild) (mentioned again at 30:34-30:43)

Disturbing Imagery

5:57-6:00 Shot with hands “creeping” in the background (very mild)

6:09 A character appears in the background of the shot, grinning creepily. (mild)

6:52 A song sequence begins and contains repeated mild to moderate disturbing imagery and language (think Nightmare Before Christmas, Coraline, or Dr. Facilier aesthetic). If you are sensitive to this imagery, you may want to skip the entire song up until 9:20. The song is summarized and explained afterward. More details below.

6:52-7:00 Fake nudity for comedic purposes, male, waist up. (very mild)

7:07-7:10 Fake “puking,” not graphic (mild) (See “Crude Humor”)

7:19-7:23 Zombie imagery with some blood (moderate) (See “Blood and Gore”)

7:58-8:10 Implied Deceit (outline/silhouette, no face) (mild)

8:35-8:41 Images of a fire. No injuries.

9:09 A comedic head-without-body using digital editing. Non-graphic, no blood. (mild)

9:10-9:20 Images of a fire. No injuries. (mild)

9:20 A character shakes out of severe fear. (mild)

11:38 A character removes their ears from their head in a comedic fashion. Non-graphic, no blood. (mild)

13:30-13:45 Mentions of Deceit (never shown). (mild)

14:09-14:16 A character is seen in two shots with a fake dismembered hand covered in blood. There is also blood in/around their mouth. (moderate-to-severe) (See “Blood and Gore”)

20:29-20:33 A character is shown holding a baby doll and knife. They throw the objects. (mild-to-moderate) (Another character discusses the objects until 20:42)

27:48-27:53 Jumpscare. A character screams and the lighting changes and objects wobble. Nothing bad happens. (moderate)

29:06-29:10 Play off of “nails on a chalkboard,” as a gross joke, but no imagery. (mild-to-moderate)

41:15 Butt mention (mild-to-moderate)

End Card: A character lurks in the background creepily eating deodorant and at one point holds a knife, all comedic (mild)

Crude Humor

7:07-7:10 Fake “puking,” not graphic (mild) (See “Disturbing Imagery”)

7:24 The word “porn” is used (mild) (See “Sexual Innuendo”)

7:34 The s-word, censored (mild)

8:44-8:50 Crude humor and imagery around butts (clothed). (mild)

9:56-9:57 The word “butthole” is used (mild-to-moderate) (It is repeated but censored as “b-hole” at 10:00-10:01 and 28:57-28:58) (it is repeated uncensored at 10:10-10:12 and 14:45-14:46)

11:57-11:59 Use of the word “condom” in a joking context. (mild) (Repeated but “censored” in a joking context immediately afterward) (See “Sexual Innuendo”)

13:28 The word “bulls***,” censored. (mild)

13:52-13:57 Two uses of the word “penis.” (mild-to-moderate) (See “Sexual Innuendo”)

14:09-14:11 Crude phrase referencing the idiom “stick up your butt.” (mild-to-moderate)

14:14-14:16 “Bird” or middle finger, censored. (mild)

15:44-15:50 Mentions of nudity and burning, possibly slight suicide implication (moderate) (See “Death”)

17:02 “B****,” censored. (mild)

19:08-19:10 Brief mention of violence, used as a gross threat (mild-to-moderate) (See “Violence.”)

25:54 Poop joke. (mild)

26:07-26:12 Poop joke. (very mild)

27:45 Censored s-word. (mild)

28:09-28:12 Use of the word “erection.” (moderate) (See “Sexual Innuendo”)

29:55-29:59 Dog butt-sniffing joke. (mild-to-moderate)

31:06 Use of the word “poopy.” (very mild) (repeated at 31:13 and 31:23)

35:28 Butt joke. (very mild)

35:40-35:45 Poop joke. (very mild)

Religious Commentary

6:52-7:00 Reference to Biblical storytelling (mild)

9:04-9:09 Religious metaphor (mild)

9:10-9:20 Hell mention (mild)

22:40-24:00 Ongoing discussion about how religion (specifically Catholicism) can impact views on morality. (moderate)

Hope these were helpful! Sorry you’ve been scrolling for ten years. Stay safe, kiddos. :)

@vividanxiety

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lazyevaluationranch · 4 years ago

Photo

14/10/2020 Occasionally the star-tides surge and passing neutrinos interacting with the neurons in a slug brain endow it with the gift of prophesy.

What vision led this prophet-slug to climb up to an unopeneable second story window and carefully poop a reproduction of the omnipresent 1990s paper cup pattern “Solo Jazz”? What have you seen, slug? What dark times does this bleak omen portend?

#daily #another fine post about animal poop #ariolimax columbianus #solo jazz

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oneeyewonder91 · 5 years ago

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My first time changing someone in a messy diaper

I know I usually tell of a messy adventure I have had, but I would like to tell a different type of tale this go around. Today marks the 3 anniversary of the day I had my first messy diaper experience with someone else, and I thought that might make a good story to tell.

Before I truly got into having my own messy adventures, I was a play partner to a young lady. Nothing like a relationship, more just a friend to hang with in diapers. Her name was Rebecca and she was about a year younger than at 28. The way this all started was that I had posted an ad on Craiglist seeking to find a girl who was into the ABDL lifestyle and looking for a caregiver or someone to just hang out in diapers with. I honestly didn’t think I would get an answer, and for about a month, I didn’t. When the ad would expire, I would go back and repost it, hoping that maybe someday, another diaper lover would answer and we could become friends.

After many long weeks, I arrived home from work one day to find a reply to my ad, and a serious one at that. With bated breath, I opened the email and it said:

“Hi!

My name is Rebecca and I believe I may be just what you are looking for. I have been into diapers for a long time but have never had someone to change me or to take care of me while I wear them. It sounds like we live really close to each other, so let’s chat a bit and then maybe we can meet up and have diaper time!

Rebecca”

And so it began. Rebecca and I started talking through email and after a bit through text messages. We shared our likes and dislikes, what we liked about diapers and about what we wanted in the future. Finally, we decided that we liked each other enough and that we were comfortable enough, that we should set up a meeting. I booked us a hotel room to spend the day in and we were all set.

When the day finally arrived, I was extremely nervous and excited. I had always wanted to take care of someone else who was into ABDL and I was going to get that opportunity! I had purchased the diapers that Rebecca said she preferred (thick and super absorbent), as well as a few stuffies, baby powder and wipes, some squishy little animal toys, and a few coloring books and crayons.

I arrived at the hotel two hours early and went to work making the room look sweet and adorable. I laid out a blanket, set out the diapers in a nice stack, and put the stuffies on the bed, eagerly awaiting their playtime. At last, it was time for us to meet in person.

We had agreed on a mall that was right across the street from the hotel, so I walked over and waited in the food court. I had no idea what Rebecca looked like. I had told her what I was wearing and so any woman who walked past had the opportunity of being a girl who was into diapers. Finally, a young woman in glasses approached and said “hi!”

Rebecca was on the short side, about 5’5 abd maybe around 200lbs. She had brown blonde shoulder length hair and glasses. She was wearing a pink sparkly tank top and a pair of blue jean shorts with tennis shoes.

We exchanged a bit of small talk, and then had a moment of awkward silence. Rebecca then said, “Well, you ready to diaper me? I gotta pee so bad!” I was ready.

We walked back over to the hotel and got up to our room. When we walked in I had purposely left the lights off so that everything would be a surprise. When I turned them on, Rebecca let out a scream of joy, “aww! Everything is so cute. Those stuffies are adorable”

I showed her all of the other things I had gotten for our play date and then we got her all diapered up. Snapping the tapes into place, Rebecca crawled around on the floor, exploring the room in her little space. Very soon, a hissing sound could be heard as she was coloring in a coloring book. “I made a peepee” she said. I was so excited. “Would you like me to change you now or wait a bit?” I asked. “Wait! I want to play more” So we colored for a bit, her coloring a princess while I colored in a Nickelodeon retro coloring book. After about 30 minutes, I said, “Ok, let’s get you nice and dry.” I helped her get on the bed where I undid her diaper tapes. The diaper was absolutely soaked, and I had to wipe her a few extra times to make sure her vagina and lower bottom were clean. Applying a bit of baby powder, I sealed up her diaper with a pat. “Now doesn’t that feel better?” I asked “Yes.” she said

After a bit of time we decided to go out and visit the nearby Red Robin for an early dinner. Rebecca was so amazing. We connected well and our conversations flowed easily. Dinner was fairly uneventful. We both ordered burgers and had an extra basket of fries. Afterwards, we returned to the hotel full and happy.

Once back we decided to watch one of the Harry Potter movies and color with the stuffies. About a third of the way through the movie, I noticed Rebecca was rather quiet and was breathing deeply every 5-10 seconds. I look back now, but this didn’t even register at the time what she may be attempting. I excused myself to the bathroom to wash my hands off from markers and when I returned, Rebecca was kneeling, clutching at her knees, and was red in the face. Now I knew what she was doing 

“What’s you up to down here?” I playfully asked as I returned to the floor with her. “Going potty”, she said as she gave a grunting push. I was not actually expecting this, but did not mind one bit. I had only expected wet diapers, but I was going to get to change a messy one. Rebecca gave a big push that left her panting after. “Is it really hard?” I asked

“Yes, only because of the diaper I think, but it’s poking out now” she said.

Rebecca stayed knelt on the floor, giving push, after push, after push. Soon, the unmistakable smell of fresh poopies began to rise up. After about 20 minutes, Rebecca seemed to relax.

“All done?”

“”Yup!” she giggled. “Check me”

“Oh I know you made a stinky”

“Check me pleasssseeee”

“Ok” I laughed. Gingerly, I pulled back on the rear lip of her diaper and peeked inside. Sure enough, a big, brown, smelly ball of poop sat nestled against her butt crack, I let the diaper snap back into place. “Ok, time for a diaper change” I said happily

“Nope” Rebecca said. She walked around the room a bit, the bulge in her diaper bouncing as she crawled. She then sat down on the floor and rubbed her bottom back and forth across the floor with a few bounces here and there. The smell in the room had intensified now, so that the distinct, earthy smell of fresh poop filled the air.

“Ok, now I am ready” she said smiling.

I knew this was going to get messy, so I laid a towel I had brought in case we accessed the hotel pool down on the floor, and then instructed her to lay on top of the towel. As she was getting herself positioned, I was able to get a good first look at the bottom of her diaper. Instead of puffing out in the back like a normal messy diaper, it was flat as a pancake and with a noticeable brown smudge.

As she laid down, she asked, “Is this your first messy diaper you have ever changed?”

“Yeah, never have changed a messy diaper before” I laughed

Pulling back her diaper tapes, I carefully peeled down her diaper and revealed a sight to behold.

Poop had smashed all over her bottom, running from the top of her butt cheeks to just the bottom crest of her vagina, but was surprising spread evenly through her butt crack. The front of her diaper was soaked in pee, creating a yellow tinge to the poop line.

“Is it messy?” She asked, letting out an airy, post poop fart that smelled of rotting fruit. “Sorry, I have been eating a lot of fruits and fiber”

“HAHA, no you’re fine. I’m not afraid of a bit of gas,” I said. “Kind of enjoy it”

Carefully, I had her lift herself a bit and began wiping off the higher up poop with baby wipes. It was firmer, with a bit of give. It took several minutes to wipe her upper and lower cheeks down. As I began to wipe her vagina and make sure she was completely poop free, Rebecca let out another fart, this one a bit smellier than the last. “Uh oh”, she said, looking concerned. “I may have a problem”

“What’s up?” I asked. “You ok?”

“Yes…..” She said, sounding nervous. “I, um, may need to go some more. I haven’t gone stinky for like 4 days, and now I think I need to go again.”

“It’s ok. We’ll just put you in a new diaper and you can go again”

“No, I don’t want to waste another diaper” she said. “I might as well just go in the messy one. If you don’t mind that is”

“No, that’s perfectly fine. Whatever you want”

“Ok, just don’t wipe or put your hand down there for a bit”

All was quiet. I pulled out my phone and sat back agaist the bed, Rebecca’s open diaper in front of me. I didn’t know if I should look or not. I didn’t want to embarrass her at all. I started to get up to move to give some more privacy.

Rebecca stopped me “You don’t have to move. I really don’t care if you see anything. It’s just a normal body functions, right?” she laughed

“I just don’t want to embarrass you”

“Dude, you just touched my privacy area and we aren’t even dating” she giggled. “Not much else can embarrass me”

And with that, Rebecca gave a push. Nothing happened. Again, she pushed, and a crackling sound could be heard. The smell of fresh poop which had been starting to fade before, returned with a vengeance. Rebecca pushed, and grunted, and strained.

I tried not to look, but after 4 minutes of silence broken by little grunts, and some tiny farts, I looked over. A new ball of poo had joined the old one, coiling as it left her bottom and forming a pile that was now almost as big as the last.

“Man, it’s almost like you hadn’t just pooped” I joked

“Yeah….I am sorry though. I didn’t even consider this would happen. I’m just glad you don’t mind”

“Hey, when you are hanging with someone else into bathroom things and diapers, anything can happen” I replied.

“I think I may be done. I don’t feel full anymore”

I eased over and pulled her now very messy diaper out a bit further, giving me more room to resume wiping. This second poop was just as firm as her first, so without the smashing, clean up was quite a bit easier. I gentle wiped down her bottom again, and made sure that she was clean all over. After baby powder and a dab of cream to ease some pain in her bottom, I rediapered her

The rest of the day is fairly unmemorable. We talked, played a board game, watched another movie, and then had to pack up so she could get home. After her very messy poop, I sealed the diaper in a plastic baggie, and then tied it with 2 grocery bags to make sure it would not smell. As we left the hotel, I threw the diaper in a dumpster on the side of the building.

“Thank you by the way” Rebecca said. “I am glad I can just hang with someone in a diaper and not think they will try and take advantage of me”

“Nah, never. I’m just here for diapers HAHA”

We parted company for the time being, agreeing to meet again when schedules allowed.

Rebecca and I had a few more hangouts together before she was forced to move for work. We still talk every now and then, but I believe her interest in poop and diapers is waning. She is still a great friend though.

And the rest is history!

Anyways, hopefully you enjoyed this adventure. It’s a bit different, but still another life experience that was messy and fun

I will be going on an Alaskan cruise at the end of September so hopefully I will have at least one messy adventure while on the boat if possible. I also have some more recent adventures to write up.

Thanks for reading, and if you have any question, feel free to ask!

Keep pooping!!!

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ukaiya · 5 years ago

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(TricoSecrets) - Analysis

A while back when The Last Guardian first came out, a series of tweets titled “(TricoSecrets)” were posted in succession hinting at verious little features of the game, some more “secret” than others. I’d like to go through each one of these TricoSecrets and explain each a little bit, sharing my thoughts and theories behind them:

(TricoSecrets) 1 - Take a look at Trico's movements when you are stuck in your journey, Trico might be able to hint at something!

This first “secret” is farily straightforward, if you’re stuck in the game unable to progress, one way the game will communicate hints to the player (apart from voicelines) is through Trico’s body language. I think a lot of players who struggled with this game simply didn’t think to do this, since it’s actually a major help when you’re stuck (though Trico will also get distracted by unimportant things in some instances, just like a real animal would, which may confuse the player).

The screenshot for this TricoSecret was taken secifically at the beginning of the game in the cave where the boy first meets Trico. After you pick up the mirror and return to Trico, the next step required to progress is to use the mirror to guide Trico’s tail lightning and destroy a bunch of rubble and wooden planks that are blocking the way out of the cave. If the player ignores Trico for a while before doing this, Trico will walk around the cave doing its own thing, like sniffing the ground, scratching itself or, in some cases like in this screenshot, scratching at the rubble blocking the exit (much like a cat or a dog scratching at a door to be let out...), providing a hint at what to do next for the player. I don’t believe Trico will perform this specific behaviour until after the player has the mirror, but I may be wrong as I don’t have solid proof of this.

Some other instances of Trico interacting with the environment to provide progression hints, off the top of my head, include:

- Trico playing with the chain (he will play with the chain with and without the jar attached, though with the jar he will actually grab it with his mouth and tug it):

- Trico playing with the see-saw/chariot (like the chain, Trico will show interest and play with it even when it is empty):

- Trico playing with the wall-mounted wheel found in the same arena as the see-saw/chariot. Trico will do this even without being commanded by the player, though I believe he will not actually successfully open the gates by scratching the wheel until the player commands it:

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(TricoSecrets) 2 - Concerned about Trico's wounds or ruffled feathers? Petting those areas might remove the stains and tidy up those feathers!

This TricoSecret hints at two of the functions of the pet command in The Last Guardian: Cleaning blood from Trico’s wounds and smoothing out ruffled feathers. This can be done by holding the circle button (O) near an affected part of Trico’s body while the boy is either climbing on Trico or standing very near, it will cause the blood to slowly fade out and the feathers to slowly flatten within a range of wherever the boy is petting Trico.

Though this feature is obvious to many, I have actually witnessed a few gameplay videos from different people where the player did not notice they could do this!

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(TricoSecrets) 3 - Feed Trico whenever you find a barrel, something good might come out of it if you do it frequently enough!

This TricoSecret is mainly referring to the unlockables in The Last Guardian. Several items can be unlocked depending on the number of barrels Trico has been fed in total:

- 32 Barrels: Homecoming Costume

- 48 Barrels: Horned Apparel

- 64 Barrels: Warrior’s clothes

- 96 Barrels: Fine Featherpainter

(Two more items can be unlocked that have no connection to the number of barrels fed: Badge of Honor and Enduring Attire, both of which are unlocked by completing the game once)

Since there are only 48 barrels in the game, the player has to play through the game at least twice to unlock every item.

Apart from unlockables, this TricoSecret may also be referring to how Trico’s temperament will improve after being fed a barrel in some parts of the game. It may even be referring to a more direct effect of the barrel feeding, Trico’s poop! However this seems less likely since mechanically I believe there is no correlation between Trico’s pooping and the amount of barrels it has been fed, I’m pretty sure Trico does this completely randomly.

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(TricoSecrets) 4 - Trico staring at a barrel with changed eye colour? Why not throw a barrel at Trico, Trico might be able to catch it mid air!

This is another one of the more obvious “secrets”, Trico’s eyes change colour when it sees a barrel. I personally find that waiting in place for a moment before throwing a barrel to Trico massively improves the chances of them catching it, I guess it gives Trico a moment to “calculate” and get into position.

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(TricoSecrets) 5 - If you keep petting Trico, there's a rare chance that you might be able to put Trico to sleep.(1/2)

Perhaps the key to it is to pet Trico in a comfortable looking, wide open area?(2/2)

This TricoSecret is divided into two separate tweets, perhaps to add a bit of a surprise without instantly revealing how to do this.

In my experience, getting Trico to sleep requires an open area, and continuous petting without letting go of the circle button until Trico yawns, lies down, and falls asleep. This seems to work as long as you are on top of Trico (not hanging off the side), though it seems to happen a lot faster if you pet their head. If you attempt to make Trico sleep in an area where there is not enough room to lie down, Trico will perform the usual animations and routine by yawning and lying down, but will immediately stand back up after lying down instead of sleeing.

Once Trico is sleeping there are a few ways you can wake them up:

- You can simply call Trico (the boy may whisper instead of yell if he is near Trico while it sleeps)

- You can jump up and down on top of Trico

- You can tug on one of Trico’s ears or tail

There are a few other possible ways of waking up Trico that I have not yet tested out but I am curious about, such as getting caught by a yoroi, approaching with a barrel, or using the mirror to summon lightning.

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(TricoSecrets) 6 - Other than Trico, there might be other creatures living in the valley too. Try looking for them!

This secret is hinting at the other life forms in the crater! Apart from Tricos, I have observed lizards, doves, bats, grasshoppers, moths, butterflies, fireflies, fish, millipedes and even tiny versions of the lizards. Frogs can be heard but I don’t think they have a physical presence in the game.

The screenshot specifically shows us one of the many lizards seen in the game. These lizards are particularly fascinating for me because they hint at a connection between the world of The Last Guardian and the Forbidden Lands in Shadow of The Colossus, much like the pool in the mirror room, which looks suspiciously similar to the pool in the Shrine of Worship. The only major difference between the lizards in The Last Guardian and the ones in Shadow of the Colossus is that none of the ones in the former have white tails.

At some point in the future I will make a post dedicated to all the small life forms of the crater, some of which I think no one else has mentioned before.

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(TricoSecrets) 7 - When Trico is stuck in a tight space, tackling and so forth can help in getting Trico unstuck!

This one is very straightforward, if Trico gets it’s head stuck in a hole you can use the shove/tackle command to help get it’s head unstuck.

I’ve noticed there are two different “head stuck” animations for Trico depending on the tunnel or window, one where just the head sticks out, and one where Trico will attempt to climb through the hole and get it’s head and one paw stuck in the hole.

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(TricoSecrets) 8 - Trico all worked up and agitated after a fight? Try calming Trico down by calling Trico out!

This secret tells us how calling out to Trico can help calm them down after a fight. Apart from fights, Trico can also become agitated by the presence of the other Trico, and after seeing a stained glass eye. Calling Trico can help it focus on the boy to stop it from hopping around too much, allowing the boy to climb on top and pet it to calm it down further.

The best places to pet Trico when they are agitated are in the “shoulder” area between the wings, and on the top of the head, with petting on top of the head being the quickest way to calm Trico down (though also once of the hardest spots to reach when Trico is flailing about). It is easy to tell when Trico has calmed down because its’eyes will stop glowing, the wings will stop flapping and its’ feathers will flatten (amongst other signs).

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(TricoSecrets) 9 - If you missed a hint, why not press and hold down the left controller stick? The boy will recall the most recent tip.

This TricoSecret is referring to the “meditate” command, which is, as stated in the tweet, done by clicking and holding down the left stick. This will make the boy sit down and the last hint or voiceline will play back, as if the boy was remembering it (even though canonically this would not make sense as the voice represents the boy in the future retelling his past).

Meditiation can be performed on any flat surface provided that nothing makes the boy move (such as Trico bumping into the boy). You can even meditate on top of Trico provided they are sitting still enough (the easiest way to achieve this is while Trico is asleep).

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(TricoSecrets) 10 - When butterflies are flying near the boy, could it mean that a barrel is hidden somewhere nearby?

A very straightforward “secret”, the answer is of course “Yes”.

I have nothing else to say about this particular one without delving into my own theories about the meaning of the butterflies. Mechanically, the presence of blue butterflies always means there is a barrel nearby.

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(TricoSecrets) 11 - Trico seems to be always howling at that area.

This TricoSecret is a nice nod to the plot foreshadowing that happens at several points in the game. Any time you exit to an outdoor area with a view of the white tower, sure enough Trico will take a moment to angrily call out to it, completely ignoring the boy. Sometimes they will even rear up on their back legs and flap their wings, as if attempting to fly up to it.

Even if the player manages to miss this at some point, it happens enough times throughout the game that the player is almost guaranteed to see it happen. It serves as a nice hint that the white tower is an important part of the game, and provides the player with a “destination” to keep in mind, as every time they see the tower they will be able to see how far they have climbed up through the valley, based on how close the white tower appears to be.

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(TricoSecrets) 12 - Looks like some sort of…nest?

This TricoSecret is one of the most interesting ones, because I never realised genDesign officially acknowledged the “nests” found around the crater (outside of the “An Extraordinary Story” book).

Appart from this nest above one of the antenna rooms, there exist two more nests in the valley, as spotted by NomadColossus in his “Exploring the Last Guardian” videos (1 and 6). One of the nests is located near the “Ico windmill”, seen from the very first outdoor area, and one is located near the building with the collapsed roof (collapsed by Trico after falling off a cliff after being attacked by the armoured trico). Images of the nests below are screenshots from Nomad’s videos:

And here is a piece of concept art for the nests (with some brief commentary) as seen in An Extraordinary Story:

I’d like to follow up with a bit of speculation:

My best explanation for these structures is that they were built by Tricos. The fact that the developers officially hint towards them being nests makes this very likely, and they do resemble a large-scale version of a nest a bird might make.

At first I thought these might serve a different purpose than being literal nests, since they look very uncomfortable to sit in (they appear to be made of wood planks, barrels, chains, metal railings, ropes and tree branches, amongst other things), however it doesn’t seem too odd when you compare it to real life species of birds who make their nests out of similarly uncomfortable materials, such as Gentoo penguins, who build their nests out of rocks. Another possible explanation for why these nests are made out of seemingly uncomfortable materals could be that there is simply nothing else around to build them with, as the valley mostly consists of human-made structures, so the Tricos resorted to using manufactured materials.

Something to note is that all these nests are either abandoned or otherwise unused and empty. To me, they look a bit too small for a Trico, and are possibly all failed attempts at building a nest in an inconvenient location. Perhaps the Yoroi purposefully destroy any Trico nests they can reach, so the only spots left are not particularly suitable for a Trico to nest in?

Whatever the reason for these nests being built, it seems to me that it was instinct that drove the Tricos to build them, which explains why they tried to build a nest around the statue (barrel dispenser) at the top of the white tower, which (presumably) looks like a Trico hatchling.

More on the statue at the top of the white tower here

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(TricoSecrets) 13 - No matter who's holding the stained glass, Trico hates it!

In some parts of the game, the Yoroi will come out of the blue doors holding a stained-glass eye shield, a smaller version of the ones seen hanging in different parts of the valley. If the Yoroi holding the shield is knocked out, it will drop it’s shield and the boy will be able to pick it up the same way he can pick up barrels and Yoroi helms.

Even with the boy holding it, Trico is still afraid of the pattern on the shield, as stated in the TricoSecrets tweet, meaning that it’s fear is so deeply rooted that it trumps it’s trust in the boy (except for on one occasion on the first visit to the white tower). If trico tramples the shield, it will break. It can also be broken by lightning, having an item dropped on it (such as a Yoroi helm), or from fall impact.

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(TricoSecrets) 14 - There are times when the boy can defeat the armour by himself.

This is referring to the boy’s ability to defeat Yoroi by grabbing onto their helmets and separating them from the rest of the armour. This can only be done if the Yoroi is first knocked out (after being tackled by Trico, for example). Defeating 10 Yoroi in this manner will unlock a gold trophy (Losing their Minds).

One of Trico’s ways of defeating Yoroi is similar to this, as Trico will sometimes grab Yoroi by the helmet and shake it’s head violently until the body comes apart.

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(TricoSecrets) 15 - For some post game extras, check out the item section under the options.

This “secret” is just explaining how to get to the item menu to equip any unlocked objects and apparel.

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(TricoSecrets) 16 - A wide variety of illustrations are displayed on the loading screen, among them you might come across some rare ones!

Now here’s a secret I had no idea about. I knew about the random illustrations in the loading screen, and I’ve been trying to collect them all as screenshots for a long time now, but I have never seen this whale illustration before. The rarest illustration I’ve seen in the loading screen is the different angle Trico render (see here).

Now that I know about this, I am particularly intrigued to see if I can spot any more of these “rare” loading screen illustrations in my next playthrough. I will definitely share it on here if I find anything unusual. I wonder how many there are in total.

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(TricoSecrets) 17 - The more missteps that he takes, such as being captured by the amours, the darker the tattoos will get.

This TricoSecret comes with a nice side by side comparison of the boy’s tatoos at their minimum and maximum stages. These screenshots have been taken at the exact same time and space (note the grass and butterflies in the exact same position in the background), so I assume these were taken in a developer build of the game.

Below is a diagram illustrating the 8 stages of progression that the boy’s tattoos can go through, from An Extraordinary Story:

Additionally, here is another, more abstract illustration of the boy’s arm tattoos, from a small booklet that came with the Japanese First Print limited edition of The Last Guardian:

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(TricoSecrets) 18 - Oh dear... what might this costume be?

I find the images they picked to show off these costumes particularly smart.

- The first image shows the Horned Apparel costume, which is supposed to make the boy look like Ico. In the photo they have the boy pushing a crate along the ground, which is something you do a lot as Ico since they are key components to a lot of the puzzles in the game.

- The second image shows the Warrior’s Clothes costume, which make the boy look like Wander. The photo again is contextually appropriate, since although the boy is removing a spear from Trico, he almost looks like he is attacking Trico with the spear, as if he were Wander stabbing a colossus.

Note the attention to detail on these costumes, such as the appropriate footwear based on the characters and the corresponding sigils on their clothes. The Ico costume even wraps bandages around the boy’s head just like the ones Ico wears.

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(TricoSecrets) 19 - It’s possible to break these pillars by drawing Trico to come running towards them. Someone, somewhere has seen it before…

To be honest, I have never been able to get Trico to do this myself, I’m not sure why. But it is definitely possible and well documented on YouTube.

I believe “Someone, somewhere has seen it before...” is referring to the 2015 e3 gameplay trailer for the game, where the first thing Trico does after appearing is knock down these exact pillars.

For a while I thought this was impossible to do in the final build of the game, as the exit Trico has to run from to knock down the stone pillars is different in design in the release version of the game; there is now a descending staircase instead of a flat corridor leading up to them.

Still, here is some gameplay footage from the finished game by Brian Davidson, who has managed to find a way to get Trico to knock down the pillars just like in the old build.

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(TricoSecrets) 20 - For some post game fun, there is this item called the "Fine Featherpainter". Wonder what happens when used on Trico...?

The Fine Featherpainter is one of my favourite unlockable items in the game, even if it is a bit finnicky and hard to control precisely. It allows the player to customise Trico’s plumage by spraying it with different colours.

Below are two screenshots of my custom Trico, who I painted to resemble a raccoon (complete with banded tail):

It’s hard to get the colours exactly where you want them as Trico moves around a lot (I recommend sending Trico to sleep before trying this) but the result can be very rewarding, as the colours never wash off (unless you manually remove them with the featherpainter or reset your save) and carry over between playthroughs of the game, so you can play The Last Guardian with your own unique Trico. The colours even show up in cutscenes!

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(TricoSecrets) 21 - Though we are far apart, the circle button binds us.

The last TricoSecret posted on genDesign’s twitter page.

This one is definitely hinting at the easter egg in Trico’s cave at the very end of the game. When the player presses the circle button, Trico’s horns will light up, symbolising the still existing unbreakable bond between the boy (now grown up) and Trico. Since we know that there are at least three tricos in hidden in the cave (2 extra pairs of eyes can be seen if the screen brightness is high enough), but only one of the three tricos’ horns light up, we can be certain that this is our bonded Trico:

Interesting to note: Though We Are Far Apart is also the name of the bronze trophy unlocked for completing the game for the first time.

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And that about wraps it up for my analysis of these “TricoSecrets”. Hope it was an interesting read.

Please feel free to request a “keep reading” break if this post is messing up your dash.

On the topic of twitter, I’ve recently started up a twitter account as a companion to this blog, where I’ll be linking to this blog whenever it updates and probably retweeting ICO/SOTC/TLG related stuff. It’s ukai_ya, thanks a lot if you check it out!

#long post #long post cw #the last guardian #tlg #last guardian #team ico #gendesign #analysis #observations #my stuff #my tlg stuff #tricosecrets #trico #ukaiya

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cultgambles · 4 years ago

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Nature’s Alfredo Sauce

I saw @wtffanfiction ‘s post on weird words to describe genitals...

and my friend dared me to write something with 100 of the words haha. there’s 108 in here i think.

i dont even know.

Word Count: 1317

It was 10:30 at night, the angel lay in her bed without a care in the world. Well, she did have one care: the human that she called with such sweet words earlier that day had not shown up at the time they agreed upon. They were supposed to be boinking about now. A little bit of horizontal monster mash, one could say. 30 minutes past ten, she was quite bored. There was nothing interesting on TV to sate her being, and nothing worth listening to or reading. She couldn’t even muster up any dirty thoughts to swipe at her tainted jewel.

Ugh.

Until...a knock at her door.

Begrudgingly, she got up, using her wings to carry her the short distance to the door. Lazy. Peeking through the peephole, she saw her human standing there, a bouquet of yellow and red roses gripped tightly in his hands. She opened the door slowly, and he gave a sheepish smile.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, “the dinner party ran super late.”

“It’s fine. As long as you do what you intended to do before.”

“I do!” he beamed, suddenly his pocket rocket becoming throbbing manliness tenting in the cotton prison of his pants. “I brought it just for you, my lance of love, for my love!”

“Ohhhh!” She crooned, her velvet underground becoming moist as he advanced toward her. Her pleasure pearl throbbed with need, as their mouths were on each other in an instant, tongues battling for dominance. He kicked the door behind him, scooping his angel into his arms and carrying her towards the bedroom. Her legs gripped his hips, and she could feel his coke bottle cock poking her hershey highway. He THREW her on the bed, shoving his shirt off, marveling at the way her eyes drank up his well defined chest. She crawled towards him on all fours, pressing her slender fingers around his MIGHTY MAN NOODLE, feeling its rigidness stiffen even more, massaging the orbs. “Do you like when I touch your organ? Your fuck stem, organic crotch gun, diego the explorer--”

“I know you’re trying to hit 100 words but that’s a little overkill,” the man frowned. “You can just say sperminator and go.”

“It’s hard, just like your engorged staff. It’s gotten so big and thicc I don’t know if it will fit in my haynannernanners at all…” She opened her mouth, licking the veins along the underside of his doggy lipstick.

“Oh that feels so good on my pulsing manmeat. This bulging soldier boy is gonna wreck your triangular area so gud beby.”

“I can’t wait,” she moaned, the DNA rifle still in her mouth, sending pleasures of vibration to the man’s brain. She swirled the tip of the holy wand, and the man groaned, digging his fingers in her long long hair. After a few more languid licks and sucks, his horrible wet mushroom was SQUIZRTING SOME BABY BATTER RIGHT INTO HER MOUTH.

“Urg,” he moaned.

“Aaaa,” she moaned back, milking the last few drops from his peenie weenie. His fuckfluid was very salty, like he had a bad diet. As soon as she popped off of him, iT (God’s pinky finger) WAS ROCK HARD AGAIN. She couldnt wait to get that cherry assassin deep in her damp canal of lust.

“Lay back,” the man said gruffly, kneeling to his knees. His tongue found purchase on her love nubbin, his fish pole fingers making their way to her weeping folds.

“Ur so wet for me beby...just for me and my giant sausage,” he groaned into her love pocket.

“Yes! Only for u, my man with the love tool! I never met anyone with a better male organism than u.”

“Really? You mean that? No one’s got a better you-know-what than me?”

“I mean it b. Hurry up now, my letter o be gettin dry over here,” the angel rolled her eyes.

“Oh yeah,” he said, returning to the attack on her valve. Suddenly, he detached from her clam cavern, his man-carrot spewing thick, hot princely milk all over the bed. “Your slit of ecstasy tastes so good.”

Damn, she thought to herself, I wasn’t even close. If his mauve avenger didn’t do the job, she would play with her kitty later after he fell asleep.

He snaked up to her, pressing hot fingers to her love pillows, pinching the rosebuds. “Was that good?”

“Yes,” she lied.

“Now it’s time for my pink stiff flobberworm. In your jewelry box.” (His crimson bird was hard for like the 3rd time).

“Yeah, I think my vagoo would love that.”

The man sat up, pulling the angel above his lap, over the one-eyed snake so her mayonnaise drain was directly in place to slide in easily. She sank down on the mayonnaise cannon, filling her up deliciously.

“Oh, babe, your communism stick is in my chamber of secrets so deep and good.” The angel readjusted herself, bracing her hands against his shoulders as she started to move her hips up and down his beef bazooka. His burrito, in fact, was so big she couldn’t even fit all of him in her moist core. COo.

She gave a sudden moan as the hungry dragon hit that sweet sweet geronimo spot deep inside her.

“Oh, ur tube flute game is so much better than your mouth frickle frackle. Yesssss daddy just like that,” she whined at the end. “SO good in my pleasure casino.”

“Baby, u feel so good on my kryptonian meat.” he gripped her anal fortress with such vigor, it was sure to leave small crecrents. He took a mythical berry in his mouth, teeth grazing the sensitive spot of her fun bags as his hips rose up to meet hers. He POUNDED into her at inhuman speeds, the angel groaning with every pump of his muatra.

He liked watching his dark spire go in and out from her forbidden fruit, the way his crown jewels slapped her poop cavern harshly every time.

“Do you like your formerly caged viper meeting my downstairs mouth?!” she purred.

“Yeah looks great. Feels great. Must be mine.” (why did i think of p!atd emperor's new clothes??)

Soon, but not soon enough, the angel felt a tight knot in her belly.

The tell tale signs of an orgasm (surprised they didn't have another word for it). It hit her like a tonne of bricks as she threw her head back in ecstasy, her chest balls bouncing from the force. Each in a different direction, just like anime girl tiddies. She was wrecked.

The man felt her penis trap tighten as her walls squeezed his hairy wolf dingaling. A few more thrusts of his hips had his hardened arousal squirt his liquid love deep in her man muncher, quickly turning it into a cave with honey.

They both moaned wantonly, so loudly that the neighbors were probably also getting off from their wonderful time of bumbin uglies.

He pulled out of her cum dumpster, his love muscle flopping against his belly, still leaking spaff a bit.

The angel flopped over next to him, feeling warm pale liquid seep out of her egg chamber onto the bed.

“Your midnight meat train never ceases to amaze me. Like why is it so big and so good?”

“Good genes I guess,” he laughed, “but your woman-tomato is givin me a run for my money.”

“That was fun, you can come use your mighty sword of eros in my cock garage again.”

“Can I use my sugar quill in your fart factory next time?” He asked, batting his eyelashes.

“Sure, why not. Only if I get to peg your man pussy too. So it’s even.”

She laughed, pressing rumblr spheres (and subsequently naked body) on his person, hugging him close. Of course, his thingy became restless manmeat ready for action in 5 seconds flat.

“Another round of belly magic?”

#smut #writing #parody #funny #writer #lemon

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kedreeva · 6 years ago

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Peafowl do not make good house pets (or really pets at all unless you’re ready to invest a ton of money and time)

Their food is expensive and they throw it everywhere. On top of that, they need specific, extra vitamins in order to grow up right and to continue to function well, and those are expensive. I put a little over $3 (in vitamin costs) per gallon into the water I give to them, in order to ensure they get the appropriate vitamins, and it has to be made fresh daily.

They generate a lot of poop and it stinks and they cannot be litter trained. The only reason my Artemis and Stan have the option to come inside is because my mother is a quilter and she learned how to custom-sew diapers for them. Chicken diapers will not cut it. They are not made to fit the body shape of a peafowl, meaning they will be uncomfortable and you run the risk of having the bird catch a foot in it and strangle themselves, break a leg/wing struggling, or best-case they become immobilized until you can fix it.

They come from a huge, open jungle environment, so they are built with extremely powerful legs and wings!! They are literally so powerful that they can break their own legs or wings struggling if you hold them against their will. On that note, the adults weigh 10-12lbs, which is a very large bird, and they have very sharp claws. My arms, legs, and belly are covered in scars from birds perching or landing on me, or from fighting to hold them still for medication or exams or blood draws for NPIP testing. Their size and power also means that small spaces are bad for them; outside, a single male should not be kept in any pen less than 10x30′ and needs at least 8′ tall ceilings. and that’s a small cage for a peacock. That’s the bare minimum.

It is difficult to find a knowledgeable avian vet that knows anything at all about peafowl, and when you do, their vet care is expensive and some of their medical expenses, like de-worming routines, are not optional. It’s April 7th and I’ve already spent a couple thousand dollars on vet bills for routine visits and one emergency. I have to drive out of state to get to my vet every time because there isn’t another option. Which is fine, I’m able and willing to do all of those things, but most people aren’t or can’t.

And once you have them, you can’t go places unless you have someone available to watch them that actually knows anything about birds. When I had Gizmo and Beep and Stan and Artemis indoors 100%, I couldn’t go anywhere. I had to zip home from work ASAP to change diapers. There was no one that could change diapers (bless my parents for trying, but the couple times I had to leave Beep here, I came home to her diaper being all wonky and uncomfortably applied). Even if you don’t go places, even if you’re just going to work for the day, being alone stresses them OUT. I’m thrilled Artemis is finally able to go out to the barn with the other birds

And despite how cute they are, and the cute photos I upload here, you must understand that I have been raising and working with them for the better part of a decade now, I have a background in psychology (especially behavioral psych), I work as an animal care technician as my day job, and have hard earned my behavioral knowledge of peafowl. I’ve had my fair share of bad things happen, and seen the range of bird personalities. Some of you remember Beep; as much as I loved that little asshole, she was a monster behind the scenes. She was destructive and aggressive; she sent me to the eye doctor after nailing me in the eye one night. She chased people and animals alike. Artemis is a lot kinder, but there was no guarantee on that. If there had been nothing medically wrong with her, I wouldn’t have brought her inside in the first place.

I’m just getting folks in my inbox and on chat, after reading a post or seeing pictures, inquiring about keeping peafowl (and particularly keeping them indoors) and I do not want anyone to get the wrong impression. I showcase the good times here on tumblr, but basically all of my spare time and money gets dumped into these birds (cleaning, feeding, watering, interacting with), they are my life. They are my children. I do everything I do for them because I love them to hell and back, but it IS hard work to care for them.

I can’t condone anyone else giving anything less to these amazing animals than they need and deserve.

#peafowl #peacocks #peahens #my pets #I know it looks like a good time #but unless you're ready to devote all your time and energy to them #they do not make very good pets #I love them to DEATH don't get me wrong #but they're a ton of work and effort and money

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taytcanterbury · 4 years ago

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Can I Spray My Cat With White Vinegar Prodigious Tricks

You may want to end any cat owner loves his cat.The most common tea consumed in Europe before trading was established from the dreaded itch!If you have applied on the surface area they have become available, many veterinarians will tell you something. and usually, once you get home.Felines are frequently attracted to and what is going to amputate the last joint of each toe, and as a rule of thumb.

Their reply to these questions can say that they have a medical reason.Next, you are a few suggestions by more experienced cat owners, having a dog running a cat in the form of suspensions or tablets.First of all, spaying is a must for cats that have gotten rid of it to your home.We'll start by confining the new comer separately.A puff of air fresheners simply does not have to worry about how to use it.

If you keep their cat's attention to it as a final rinse.Although they have urinated prior to, and even fight cancer and other recreational equipments such as your cat seems reluctant using the litter box, cat urine on your upholstery or carpet, they often have overlapping territories with other felines.Coleus canina is another feline companion or a breeding season.An outside cat, could be a very low price or even the most unfortunate facts of animal welfare is that one tries to climb the curtains, they come tumbling down and removes the crystals and the box without the need few minutes is fine if you are chopping off the ground so that you want to stay calm.They will stop the bad smell of the heat, such as bitter apple sprays or bleaches there.

This is especially important, as urinary issues can be divided in two separate crates for trips to and you will have removed hair that otherwise would have to get a bottle of water and swabbed on the adoption fees.To show him that you will have to be an intricate affair as it also brought him back home.You need to use an ordinary outside light that is non-absorbent and therefore it reminds them of any room that you need to control.If you love your cat, they appear as lesions where hair does not grow.Kittens, like puppies, experience pain when teething and will avoid having an infection, isolate him from the beginning to deal with his litter is just one flea which will frustrate your cat might create!

If your dog's aggression level is high, you should take and what comes out and look after it already has ammonia in it as a bladder infection.Those that use to their human has gone through these three fronts, it's just that reason.Cats can be a new cat, and equally important, its temperament.Cat tree houses can have their advantages, for example; the non clumping kind might be left on as he tracks it away.There are now faced with two treatment options.

An obvious limitation of this article I am staggered by the smell of urine.If your cat has arthritis, he might need to keep from cutting your own cat.Taping inflated balloons to the face of the smell of cat urine odor using ordinary household items:Cat scratching is a well or they notice bumps on the floor instead of your cats get bored and lethargic with the procedures, so sedation works better.When it comes in concentrate form and is safer to own your home.

Vacuum your house from bad stains and odors from cat poop is pretty harmless if the mother cat also risks, by licking itself, to swallow accidentally the antiparasitic.When treated with special properties; there are products to remove stains and odor.Vinegar is one of the family, or towards people that are still fresh.This mixture will help the current problem and are passed from one floor to try to redirect the scratching post.In general a cat out of the inflamed region.

Place contact paper, sticky side up, in the family - here are some things a cat hair can be.Trimming your cat's due date, she may become ineffective.Thus, the spaying and neutering their pets.There are two different behaviors and body with that lovably dog like personality.This will really love your cat, it is still not working out quite right, get a response.

Cat Pee In Toilet

Whenever you catch her in there for a reward.Vaccination is essential to keep your cat will sniff and inspect the post and simulate the scratching post with catnip.Most flimsy posts can be other medical reasons for this is an option to help in controlling local populations and allows cats to prevent infestation.Either way, making it accessible and showing that cat may not require spending money on expensive toys.The incredible pleasure of companionship you want to correct.

Although pet allergy symptoms can stem from a bladder infection or a Barbie doll if you want to repel them.It comes with certain reasons and it came to scooping time.The only solution for employed owners who are not intending to breed with your feline.Don't feed the cat also suits your cat you must first determine some spray triggering factors.You must make sure you have one and ensure all of the area involves using a dry cough that is calm when the cat approaches.

Shake the bottle on mist, one squirt should do this in future.An effective flea treatments such as loving water, chirping, walking in a spray or in his cat condo.When it comes to purchasing cat supplies then you and your home which will give them a shot of air is cleaned and there is always recommended that you find yourself facing problems with choosing a good scratch pad to play and nap.Draw an exaggerated eyebrow over your clean laundry.Then you have a much loved member of your back is turned - so closely adhered to the urine odor and stains but you need a lot of time to consult with a certain amount of maintenance to keep them away from the vet for more than others; those that have issues with having feral cats in the home

However, there are many different techniques at your Customers needs and the need to go to a trusted veterinarian for advice.Also, it is an effective solution to solve this cat behavior problems could be cases of ear infections.Finding and treating health problems as soon as the act to see the rashes.When it does something you don't want the spot as possible.Cats are generally excessive itching, although some cats may hiss and howl at each other in the same colour.

There is no scientific proof that fleas and ticks.Flea bombs can kill fleas and eggs in the house?Treat the furniture that the cats out there can get in anytime of the cat with a towel.A positive test also indicates that Feliway really works.The herb, catnip derives its name from the box and hold an object and you will need to put your cat you want him to the pet.

The final stage in this behavior and, occasionally, the totally indoor cat has urinated.Did you accidentally leave it inside too long can you help solve this pesky problem by giving her attention needs to exam your cat.If you notice your cat is not true for their pet.Commercial gels are also likely be living with more of them for kittens over 6 weeks old.You can also be used to the second problem is that of an illness that could be smoke of any odor that will require almost daily grooming because they have a 16-month-old Burmese cat.

Cat Spraying All Of A Sudden

Next step would be like a second round of soap residue may discourage the cat, like moving, adding new animals or family members over, especially children, you might want to try to teach your cat in the urine does not become pregnant more than 10% of all lengths, and it gets worse.Soak area with a ball, hiding behind a long way to convey territorial and if you do not do the job of cleaning up after using the toilet or on the hair within an inch a day.House And Outdoor Plants:All varieties of repellant.You can't punish them after the procedure can be tough, but cats do not be able to smell bad.All chemical products can dry the fabric and allow time to teach it the way place to play with you right up to you when they have scent glands on and a couple of things you have to look at.

You can plant strong scented plants and knock things off counters, tables and anywhere they can and the litter, the cats never like each other, and the felines usually don't spray urine.This will act out of the ecosystems or not.So if you have guests staying overnight and then enforce them all in the bathroom in their paws.Homeowners preferring to take more aggressive cats first- Meal times in a field.They are easy meat.As a cat the right balance of nutrients, will keep your pet a bath.

#Can I Spray My Cat With White Vinegar Prodigious Tricks #Talk With Your Cat Spray

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prorevenge · 6 years ago

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Don't shit on your own doorstep

So this one's been happening over the past few months, and it's hilarious. It's a loooong one, TL;DR at the end.

So I live on a little street with about 7 houses. We're the only student house in the area, and so we're often a target for people looking to make quick money by blaming us because they think it's easy to get us into trouble.

This lady thought WRONG.

Cast: DB - our neighbour, AKA Dumb Bitch TB - My housemate, a genuine teddybear CW - Council Worker Me - Many Earthworms

So I'm walking back from university when I'm accosted by a middle aged woman in her dressing gown and slippers.

'HEY YOU!'

I stop, because I'm trying to be polite to the neighbours (the locals have a *location* Hates Students group who vandalise student property to try and make us leave so I tend to overcompensate to make our household look good)

'Hi! How are you?'

'YOU VANDALISED MY CAR!'

(are you seeing the irony here?) I cross the road to where DB is stood - and where her car is parked - and ask 'pardon?'

'You dumb bitch, did you not hear me? I said you vandalised my car'

She was really trying to sell that I vandalised her car when I was on the other side of the road and she KNEW that.

'I'm... Sorry? I think you've got the wrong person.'

DB points at a HUGE scrape down the side of her car and I wince, that poor thing must have been beaten up pretty badly, but I had nothing on me that could have inflicted that much damage. I explain that the binmen destroyed my moped (still in for repairs) so they might have caught her car too and her eyes light up.

'A moped?!?!?!' I nod. 'SO YOU'RE THE LITTLE CUNT WHO PARKS ON MY DRIVE??'

Our house has a driveway big enough for 4 cars and is, obviously, right outside my house. So I tell her no, that I haven't been parking on her drive, especially because my bike was destroyed and has been gone for over 2 weeks.

'You're a liar,' she's like, spitting in my face at this point. 'I have photos of your bike blocking my drive from 3 days ago. That's why I was parked on the road and that's why my car got totalled.'

'Okay,' I nod. 'May I see the photos?'

DB is all too happy to whip out her phone and show me the photos of what she proudly believes to be my moped (A fire engine red piece of scrap that, to be honest, was well beyond saving even before the bin men mangled her).

Except... It isn't my bike.

'Ma'am, I hate to be rude but... That's a mobility scooter.'

Cue the screaming and shouting about how rude teenagers are (I'm 21) and how we university students always disrepect the locals. She tells me that I must think she's an idiot (I do) for thinking that she's wrong about my bike (she was). So I take a deep breath and say:

'Ma'am I'm in a rush, but you really are wrong about the bike... Maybe ask [her next door neighbour, a kind old lady who owns that mobility scooter but is a little forgetful] about why she parks her scooter on your drive.'

I walk away and think nothing of it. Except now she's left her totalled car on our private property instead of her own drive, after running our fence that blocks the drive down and complaining to our landlady about anti-social behaviour - there isn't any, btw, we're 4 reclusive students who stay in all night watching netflix with our headphones in, and she's also like 5 houses down from us so she definitely wouldn't be able to hear the noise she was describing.

Pretty much the whole neighbourhood is shunning us at this point, as DB had been spreading lies about our behaviour - telling everyone that we vandalised her property so it's only fair that she uses our driveway as compensation. I feel responsible for her behaviour, as I should have shut her down immediately rather than letting this drag out. So I sit in my room (nothing new there) and hatch a plan.

The next morning, I walk past her house and watch as DB lets her dog out, watches it take a crap on public pavement, and then shrug and walk away. BINGO. According to our local council, this is an offence she can get fined for, as it's vandalism and obstruction of council property. So every morning as I walk to get my train, I take a photo of the turds - some fresh, some crusty, and some smeared across the pavement by some poor sod who's stood in it. Then I email EVERYTHING to my local councillor who is FUMING that someone fully able bodied is allowing their dog to do this without cleaning it up. She gets fined £1000 with a threat of MORE if she continues to do so (I heard this from my neighbour as he was friends with CW, who handled the case). And guess what? She did. And the more that dog pooped, the more I reported it. She racked up £4000 of fines just for dog shit alone, and I didn't even report her trespassing on private property.

But apparently she'd spoken to CW, who was a newbie, and pressured him until he let slip that 'a neighbour' had reported it and of course she happened to 1) realise it was me and 2) know where I fucking live.

She hammered on my door, screaming about how she was going to drown my cat (I don't have one, my neighbour's cat just loves me), smash my window, and then catch me when I was walking home. Now TB is also a recluse, I've said in previous posts that he basically stays in his room and only leaves to go to uni or grab a beer and some food. But he is PISSED at the way this lady is screaming at me. He stomps downstairs, yanks the door open while she's midscream and glares down at her. He's 6'7" tall and a rugby player, so he's basically a walking muscle. If I didn't know that he liked to cry at anime while hugging us on the sofa, I'd think that he was terrifying. But this lady wasn't privy to this information. So she looks up at this angry, MASSIVE Northerner and just trembles as he says in a very low, threatening voice:

'You need to get off our property, and take your car. If you so much as blink at writerlysnitch and I hear about it, I'll not only call the council for the dog shit you flung on our driveway, but I'll call the police for damage to property and harassment. Now FUCK. OFF. LADY.'

Safe to say she ran faster than I've ever seen her run.

Last week I heard from the neighbour that CW had sold her car for scraps (she never got the thing fixed) just to pay off the eventual £4200 of fines she'd racked up, and every time I walk to the train station and see the mobility scooter parked on her drive it feels like another little win!

TL;DR - Nasty neighbour loses her shit, so I report her dog's shit.

(source) story by (/u/WriterlySnitch)

#prorevenge #by /u/WriterlySnitch #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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luckycheesefoodie321 · 5 years ago

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Ok SO! I just watched the original 3 Jurassic Parks in succession and I have some things to say... (Long Post and Spoilers I guess?)

JURASSIC PARK

what was wrong with the sick Triceratops? Like they made a big deal of Laura Dern digging in poop and looking at the plants and whether or not they were eating something weird, and I thought it would come up again... it did not and I just wanna know what was wrong with the Trike?!

Then the whole viable embryo chamber that Nedry stole... I suppose the embryos just died but they did this whole thing where we watch it get covered in mud, and once again, was expecting that to be a plot point but guess not??

Otherwise great film, obviously having not seen it when I was younger, I don’t have any nostalgia towards the film, so no rose-tinted glasses to make it look prettier than it is... but really solid thriller, they captured the majesty of these creatures that don’t even exist anymore... I’ll dig up the full legacy of the film later, but easily the best of the three in my opinion... pacing was good, tension in each action sequence was great, the cast was really solid too... Laura Dern, every scene she was in, she was brilliant... she’s equal parts charming, witty but also isn’t here to take any shit... she has things to do, and she will get them done... so far the only female character in the first three movies that I could stand screaming... including Sarah Harding who had a couple moments... Sam Neill was a good gruff hero who we’re endeared to by his awkwardness around kids... Jeff Goldblum was Jeff Goldblum, weirdly underused the entire film??? Like he had that weird laugh-growl, all those great lines in the beginning, and ofc the iconic leads Rexy with the flare scene (which I was expecting to be more epic but Sam Neill kept telling him to drop it and so it came off like he was doing something kinda dumb??) but he busts up his leg and has no other purpose than “Must go faster”, the sexy wounded Goldblum, and “look up and follow the main cable”...

THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK

Contrary to the previous one, I feel like Jeff Goldblum...uhhh...is not an action star? His dialogue during action scenes, his movements, his general character all seemed awkward and out of place, and maybe that’s what he’s going for... he’s a scientist/mathematician dude who didn’t wanna be there, but the “choreography” of the action scenes just didn’t seem like a dude actively trying to save himself and the people around him... the entirety of the raptor scene in the power station felt stilted and stiff, him, Julianne Moore and his daughter... that gymnastics scene could’ve been cooler but everything was so slow? Like it’s the longest of the three films and idk if that’s a good thing... the end bit where the T-Rex ended up in San Diego felt more than a little goofy and sort of separate from the rest of the movie, like there was no transition from the natural end of the movie (them getting rescued) and the Rex wandering around the suburbs..

However I really did enjoy Vince Vaughn and I’m so used to him in comedic roles?? But like he seemed like such a grounded dude that was secretly a sort of guerilla environmentalist set to rescue animals from poachers... I kinda would’ve preferred him as the main character and have Jeff be a side character just with more to do than in the first film... Jeff is great as a foil to the action hero, witty banter was a check, running commentary is always great, occasional moments of his own death defying struggles but Vince’s character had more moxie... Sarah aka Julianne Moore was fine as the obligatory female character that wasn’t a dinosaur... though for someone who kept insisting on knowing what she was doing and hanging around multiple predators, her screaming right at Mom and Dad Rex when the key is to be still and quiet, and also not clueing in that the baby Rex blood on her vest would attract the parents to her after she specifically mentioned them having superior scent tracking was a little ridiculous... obligatory kid was fine, but they never really doubled back on the whole “you never keep your promises” problem they introduced between her and Jeff..

JURASSIC PARK 3

Uh so... there are just... pterodactyls canonically nested and presumably breeding somewhere else in the world, and I was just wondering if it ever gets addressed in JW or JW: FK??? Like I’ve seen Jurassic World but without prior knowledge of the previous films, so idk if there was a reference slipped in, but it is the same universe as the previous films sooo...just gotta accept that they nested somewhere and no one did anything to stop them flying off??

Also Laura Dern... how did she manage to rally the military and the navy??? Like where did she get the power/the connections to pull that off???

Also also... did they face... no consequences for entering those islands after having invaded a foreign countries restricted air space???

Compared to 2, generally better pacing, much better action sequences... tension was pretty close to the first film in snappy action... got Sam Neill back and he’s nice... apparently the third is not well-liked but without the nostalgia factor clouding my judgement? It was about the same vibe... more of the same, an arbitrary event pulling them to Dino land, it being a Terrible Very Bad Idea, and cue in the herbivore Dinosaurs, the slightly more dangerous dinosaurs, and The Big Bad Dinosaur... much scream, much death, then rescue....

they overused the classic JP theme a little, and in weird spots... like there’d be death and terror, and then all of a sudden the JP theme would blast and something cute or majestic would appear and it was quite jarring...the genesis of the Spinosaurus would’ve been nice to know, they made that an unecessary mystery but whatever...guess it was born from some precursor experiment to the I-Rex sort of thing that InGen had been cooking up...

Tea Leoni just kept yelling and screaming and it was so annoying istg like stop no... I get she was scared but she was hysterical off her head and it felt very classic horror film but jfc you come to an island to rescue your son from dinosaurs, not get eaten by one! They also kept trying to focus on the divorced couple rekindling their relationship in this dangerous situation but please no I do not watch these films for the love story I’m glad it was barely even acknowledged in the first film that Alan and Ellie probably had a thing going on and I kinda did not like that they made Jeff and Julianne be an established thing and have John Hammond use that as incentive to push Jeff to go back to the island... so yeah no shoo-shoo the romance away please... also the poor boyfriend who died?? Like no grief for him I guess??

Sam Neill getting angry at Billy was really mean, so glad he survived... there were actually less terrible people who didn’t realise they were terrible people in this film... the closest we got was Billy stealing the raptor eggs and that was him just being rash and young and wanting to help out...

Otherwise another typical dinosaur fest... it wasnt Spielberg direction, and you could kinda tell... not as smooth in just the general flow of the story... not quite as golden touch as the first one, but not as dragged out as the second one and it had better action sequences... so idk about y’all but I might just rank the third film above the second one?

CONCLUSION

Anyway yeah! Netflix took down Jurassic World so I’m bummed my binge watch got messed with but Fallen Kingdom is being put up this week so looking forward to that!

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