#another event!!!! i've been wanting to do this since forever but i forgot about it when mermay started

[cloudcountry]

what's this? a mermay after party?

that's right, everyone! your very own floyd leech will be hosting an event from june 1st to june 8th!!

the event will make use of a debtors marine life knowledge (totally not because they decided to sign a contract for a date with azul nuhuh) and assign you or your ocs a new personalized marine life nickname (that isn't shrimpy!!)

all you have to do is move those little shrimpy legs over to @azulashengrottospiano's ask box and provide a short description of your personality, hobbies, or anything else you'd like to include (for ocs, a reference sheet and a short description will do!!)

please reply to this post with any questions and the debtor will get back to you asap C:

(full disclosure if you or your oc reminds the debtor of a shrimp they will give you a specific species to make it more personalized. C:)

he can't wait to see you there!!

[vivalas-vega]

sunshine / jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

heyooo !!! the fic I've been teasing for the past few days is finally here ! I don't know that I'm fully happy with it but I've invested a minimum of 25 hours into this and I had to metaphorically put the pen down at some point. I hope you enjoy, as always please please please let me know what you think!

sunshine / jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

add yourself to my taglist

feel free to buy me a kofi if you like my work!

based on this request! here is your fic @gryffindormarveltwilight :)

word count: 14k (estimated read time: 60 minutes)

warnings: language, drinking, some suggestive humor, brief rooster x reader/allusions to rooster x reader, navy inaccuracies, terrible descriptions of flying a fighter jet pls forgive me

Sitting in your superiors' stuffy office underneath dim fluorescent lighting the only thing you could think of was that your best friend was right. A point that you didn’t want to admit to anyone, let alone her… but that was also a lie, the biggest thought dominating your headspace was her brother. Jacob Seresin. She’d told you a thousand times over to get ahead of it, that you couldn’t keep this secret forever and to just come clean to him and your family but you’d dug your heels in, insisted this was the right way to go about things, and god did you hate eating your words. She was fucking right. 

You were reminded of Thanksgiving two years ago, one of the events in a long list of near-misses where your secret almost came to light.

“Sunshine, your phone keeps ringing, do you want me to get it?” Jake asked from across the couch. You were fully immersed in your novel with your legs stretched out and resting against his, you hadn’t even noticed your phone… or anything else for that matter outside of the world you were holding in your palms.

“Just silence it,” you said as you flipped the page.

“Wait a minute,” he said and the shift in his tone pulled your attention to him. He was staring at your phone screen in shock… or was that confusion? “How the fuck do you know Rooster?” he asked and your blood ran cold.

“What?” you asked and he flipped the screen around to reveal Rooster’s contact photo. You thanked your previous self for cropping yourself out of it because this was going to be hard enough to explain without the addition of you in your khakis. “Oh,” you chuckled, hoping to just brush it off entirely as you sat up. “You know, I kind of forgot he was a pilot, too. I met him a few months ago when I went to San Diego for that convention.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me you happened to meet another naval aviator?”

You shrugged, “I didn’t think you knew him.” You knew he did. “We met in a bar and hit it off, we’ve kept in contact since.” 

“Are you like… a thing?” he asked, disgust evident in his tone. 

You laughed, “no, you know… it is possible to meet someone in a bar and not immediately jump their bones.” you said, trying to deflect this conversation in its entirety. 

“Nope, you’re not flipping this around on me.” Damn it. “I find it awfully suspicious this is the first I’m hearing of Rooster… by accident no less.”

You sighed, “fine, you caught me. I’m secretly a naval aviator too and Rooster was my wingman on a mission in Eastern Europe,” you said, and you didn’t try to sound innocent or sarcastic, just the right amount of indifference for him to not believe you.

He chuckled, “yeah of course you are, and I’m not an aviator, I’m actually a fucking astronaut.”  He added an eye roll for dramatic effect. “At least make your lies believable, sunshine, you know you’d never even make it to basic because I’d have killed you before then.”

You let out a laugh but there was no humor in it, “you’re right… me being in the Navy is definitely far fetched.”

“Top Gun, sir?” you questioned, trying to focus your thoughts on the present and he nodded… not even fully looking at you as he sorted through paperwork on his desk.

“Despite your insistence on keeping your achievements quiet, you’ve caught the attention of a lot of people. Mission is need to know, and apparently I don’t make the cut,” there was a bitter taste on his tongue as he spoke the words. “All I know is the best of the best from every aviation squad are headed west.”

“Yes, sir. When do I leave?” 

“You’re on a plane in six hours. Go home, pack, get your affairs in order. You report for duty at 08:00 tomorrow.”  Six hours. 

“They think I’m a research assistant to a fucking archeologist, Sadie! I mean, how stupid could I possibly be!” Your voice was shrill as you shouted in the general vicinity of your phone perched atop your dresser as you threw things into a duffel bag. You weren’t even concerned with what you were packing, you were more concerned with the fact that the single thread holding your intricate web of lies together was unraveling right in front of you. “You were right the other day when you said he already knows, he just… doesn’t know it’s me. I’ve heard of the infamous Hangman, there’s no way he hasn’t heard of Viper.”

“Just take a deep breath, I mean… I won’t say I told you so, even though I totally told you so.” Good thing she won’t gloat. “What’s the worst that can happen? He’ll be shocked, he might yell at you, he might rat you out to our parents but, maybe that’s for the best.”

“Maybe it’s for the best that everyone finds out I’ve been lying to them about what I do for a living for eight years?” you nearly shrieked as you rooted through your drawers for your one good swimsuit.

“Wouldn’t it be nice to stop taking online archeology courses on the off chance people ask you for specifics? Which… no one ever has because you picked a boring fake job to have, or wouldn’t it be nice to actually be able to tell your parents about your job, your achievements? Did I tell you that Jake actually mentioned Viper to me? Said something about some elusive hotshot pilot very few people have ever actually seen but their exploits have been heard everywhere.”

“Sadie, I called you because you’re supposed to be helping,” you groaned.

“Am I not?” she asked, genuinely sounding innocent and you just glared at the phone… and though she couldn’t see it, she definitely felt it all the way back home in Texas. “You know, you never actually told me how you got Viper as a call sign-”

 “You know what, I have to go.” you said abruptly, cutting her off.

“What are you-” you didn’t bother listening to the rest of the sentence as you hung up and quickly dialed a number you hadn’t in months.

“Hey sunshine,” Jake’s voice rang throughout your room and normally the pet name bestowed on you from a very young age, meant to be ironic considering you’ve never had a sunny disposition, would have been comforting but now it just made you feel sick. “What are you up to?”

“Hey you,” you breathed out. “I just got off the phone with Sadie and I figured I’d give my favorite Seresin a call,” you joked and his laughter on the other end did nothing to ease your nausea. 

“I’ll be sure to tell her you said so. Where are you calling from this time?” he asked and you thought there might be a winch in your chest, each sound from his end of the phone cranking it tighter and tighter.

“Uh, I’m actually stateside for a bit… lab work,” you lied. “What about you, jetsetter? Where’s the Navy got you now?” You were fishing.

“Also stateside, at least for now. Your timing is actually impeccable, I’m packing for a last-minute detachment and you were always better at that than me.” He was referencing all the times you’d wander up into his room just minutes before leaving for one of your shared family vacations, finding him standing in front of his closet with a blank look on his face and an empty suitcase on the bed, leaving you to do it all for him.

You chuckled nervously, “after all this time you still can’t pack a bag without my input?”

“Well, you’ve never forced me to figure it out for myself and the times I’ve had to go without I ended up with all the wrong things.”

“I’m pretty sure this is weaponized incompetence. Where are you headed?” You already knew the answer, but there was a small flicker of hope burning within you. 

“San Diego, all I know is I’ve been recalled to Top Gun.” he answered and you felt your heart drop into your stomach.

“Well,” you started, clearing your throat, “definitely some shorts and t-shirts, maybe a few of those ridiculously tight short-sleeve button-ups you always insist on buying… but none of the bright colored ones, they’re awful.” you said and he laughed. “Throw in those green swim trunks if you plan on heckling any innocent women simply trying to enjoy some sun and surf.”

“Heckling innocent women, how do you know I’m not the one being heckled?”

You laughed, “because I know you, you’ve been a heartbreaker since age ten.”

“I prefer the term rolling stone,” he protested and you laughed again.

“I’m sure you do Mr. Rock n Roll but that is not the perception. Your mother worries.”

“Did she call you again?” he asked, voice going up an octave.

“Oh yes, she asked me if we crossed paths in Bosnia… because, of course we would have while I was in Bahrain, said I needed to talk some sense into you.”

“When were you in Bahrain?” he asked and you internally groaned. You’d said too much. But then again, as you looked at the clock it didn’t really matter how much you said. You could say hey Jake, by the way… I’ve been in the Navy all this time, I’ll see you soon! and it wouldn’t make a damn difference.

“Uh, you know… just a few months ago.”

“Huh, I almost went there a few months ago,” he said and you could hear the contemplation in his tone.

“Small world,” you said breathlessly. “Shoot, urgent text from the lab… I’ve gotta head in, call me when you get settled in San Diego?”

“I will, when this deployment is over I was actually going to try and get some leave… come visit you if you’re still stateside, if that’s alright?”

“Of course it is, I’ll talk to you later.” You fell backwards onto your bed with a huff as you disconnected the call, “son of a bitch.”

The red neon sign above the Hard Deck used to be a comforting image, a port in the storm, light illuminating a pathway towards a night of blowing off steam but right now it felt more like the flicker was mocking you, laughing as you prepared to walk through those doors and undo years of lying and manipulating those closest to you. You knew he’d be there. You were. There was nowhere else for aviators to go when arriving in town. Well… nowhere else aviators would go.

“Oh dear god,” you mumbled to yourself, keeping your head low as you waited for your beer. You saw Phoenix strutting across the bar with Fanboy and Payback in tow and the voice that rang out from the pool table made your blood run cold. Of course he was already here.

“What do we have here? If it ain’t Phoenix,” he said, fixing her with that famous smirk as he stood upright. “And here I thought we were special, Coyote. Turns out, the invite went to anyone.”

“Fellas, this here’s Bagman,” she introduced as you carefully approached, mindful of where you were positioning yourself as you started to slide back into your work persona.

“Hangman,” he corrected.

“Whatever.” she dismissed. “You’re looking at the one of only two naval aviators on active duty with confirmed air-to-air kills.”

“Stop,” he said, and you couldn’t help but chuckle and the faux-display of modesty. Always a showboater.

“Mind you, the other guy was in a museum piece from the Korean war.” she smirked, you’d been deployed with her a few times and you always found her ability to outpace the men refreshing and oh-so-needed in the Navy. 

“Cold war,” Coyote corrected.

“Different wars, same century.” Payback said.

“Not this one,” Fanboy added.

“Who are your friends?” Coyote asked, gesturing to the two of them as they introduced themselves. “And I’m assuming this other aviator with a confirmed air-to-air kill will be gracing us with his presence tonight?”

“Her presence,” Phoenix said, narrowing her eyes as she corrected his assumption. “Call sign’s Viper, if you two made the cut then she definitely did.” 

“Ah, Viper.” Jake chimed in and you felt your ears burn as you watched him from your spot behind a beam. The way your name fell from his lips in such a condescending way made your eyes narrow. “You know, I’ve heard an awful lot about this Viper but… I’ve never laid eyes on her. Pretty sure she’s just a myth, what do you think, Coyote?” he asked and his friend nodded his head.

“You just can’t stand that the person holding you in a draw is a woman.” Phoenix quipped and you couldn’t help but smile.

“No one’s holding me in anything, darlin’, but I can’t say I’m not excited to finally meet this elusive pilot… set the record straight on who’s number one.”

“Oh Jakey,” you tutted, finally emerging from your spot behind the beam as you approached the table and you ignored the way he was physically caught off guard, quickly standing from his perch on the pool table. “I wouldn’t hold your breath because it sure as shit ain’t you.” You looked him up and down once for good measure. “Bagman, and Hyena, was it? Names Viper, pleasure to meet you.” You held your hand out for Coyote with a smirk rivaling Jake’s. For all the fear you had about your secret coming to light you knew you had to come in strong, if you showed up with your tail between your legs like your old teenage self, scared of Hangman’s wrath you’d never get out from under it during training.

“So, you’re not a myth,” Coyote responded, shaking your hand but you weren’t looking at him… you were looking at Jake who’s eyes seemed like they were about to bug out of his head as they scanned you, clad in a matching khaki uniform. 

“No, but she is a legend,” Fanboy piped in and you chuckled at the reinforcements.

“Hey V, knew you’d turn up sooner or later,” she said as she pulled you in for a quick hug and you reached out to squeeze both Payback and Fanboy’s shoulders in greeting. “And who’s this?” Phoenix asked, not picking up on the tension rising between you and Jake as her eyes glanced at the man sitting in standard-issue glasses to your left.

“Who’s who?” Coyote asked, not noticing he was there at all. She looked directly at him as he brushed peanuts off his lap. “When did you get in?”

“Oh, I- I’ve been here the whole time.” he answered with a cute smile on his face and you couldn’t help but chuckle at his earnestness. 

“Man’s a stealth pilot,” Jake finally chipped in, seemingly recovering from your shocking arrival but his eyes still held a lot of questions you knew you’d be hearing later. 

“Literally.” Coyote added.

“Weapons Systems Officer, actually,” the man corrected.

“With no sense of humor,” Jake sighed and you narrowed your eyes at him as he passed the pool cue to Phoenix before he made his way to the bar and you took the opportunity to slip away and follow him.

“Penny, my dear,” he started, leaning against the bartop. “I’ll have four more on the old timer.” he said, eyes darting to Maverick and you knew he’d regret saying that later. Everyone else might have been alarmingly slow at connecting the dots but you knew his presence here wasn’t a coincidence. As far as you knew he was supposed to be in Arizona acting as a test pilot.

“Unprepared for an ambush?” you asked and he sighed, you watched as his bicep flexed when he gripped the edge of the bar.

“You could say that,” he replied dryly.

“Doesn’t sound like the Hangman I’ve heard of… always so prepared for everything,” you shot back and he turned to look at you, expression steeled.

“Well, deception sounds exactly like the Viper I’ve heard of.” You couldn’t be surprised, verbal volleyball with him was always your forte and this time he had genuine cause to be upset. “What the hell are you doing here?” There it was.

“Recalled, same as you.” you answered, as if it was really that simple.

“In the Navy,” he clarified. “You didn’t think to mention this when we were on the phone four hours ago? Or better yet, when you joined?”

“Thought this would be better face to face.”

“What, were you calling just to get information from me?”

“I like being prepared, wanted to know what I was walking into.” you replied, keeping your features calm as you looked up at him.

“And you couldn’t have prepared me for seeing my little sister’s best friend in front of all my colleagues?”

“Your colleagues? Thought I was a little more than that,” you responded, focusing your attention forward and subtly nodding to Maverick who was sitting across the bar in lieu of a proper greeting. “You’re a professional, Hangman, I think you handled it well.”

“Like how well you’ve handled lying to your entire family? How was that dig in Bahrain, by the way?”

“Needed to come up with something to account for all the traveling and lack of contact,” you answered, cutting through to the question beneath the question.

“And where do they think you’re off to now?” he asked as Penny set the beers in front of you. “You know, just in case I need to cover your ass.”

“Croatia. Called them before I called you and Sadie.”

“Sadie knows?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief. “Why the hell did you keep this from everyone?”

“Are you forgetting the chaos that ensued when you told everyone your plans after high school?” you asked. “Besides, I did tell you in no uncertain terms, you just turned it into a joke.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Thanksgiving a few years ago? When Rooster called?” you prompted and you watched his face fall. 

“Oh my god,” he muttered. 

“Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t believe me which is why I said it to get you off my back… and what you said about killing me before I even made it to basic just proves my reasoning was right to not tell anyone.”

“Wait, so Rooster really was your wingman on a mission?”

“Several.” you answered.

“I don’t understand, I first heard of Viper six years ago. How have we never crossed paths?”

“I asked to keep my accomplishments on the downlow, they thought it was modesty but really I didn’t want you finding out through a Navy newsletter. Truthfully, I don’t know how we haven’t been on detachments sooner, that was just dumb luck.”

“Dumb luck,” he scoffed, looking you over once more. “God dammit. I am happy to see you,” he finally conceded and you let out a laugh.

“Really? I’m not convinced,” you replied as he pulled you in for a tight hug.

“Meant what I said too,” he started, picking up two of the beers and nodding for you to grab the others. “I do intend on winning this tie between us.”

You laughed again, “good luck with that, bud.” you shot back as you walked back to the pool table. You were aware of the questioning eyes but you had no intention of filling anyone in at the moment.

“Bradshaw, as I live and breathe,”Jake said, swiping Bob’s pool cue as you gave Rooster a one-arm hug.

“Hangman, you look… good,” Rooster responded, apprehension clear in his voice and you shared a look with Phoenix.

“Well, I am good, Rooster.” he replied, lining up and taking his shot. “I’m very good, in fact, I am too good to be true.” You rolled your eyes as you watched Phoenix give Rooster an exasperated look.

“So,” Payback interjected, “anyone know what this special detachment is all about?”

“No, a mission’s a mission, that don’t confront me.” You watched in amusement as he made his way around the pool table, oozing arrogance. You’d heard the stories of the cocky pilot but seeing it before you, in stark contradiction to the Jake you grew up with, was jarring to say the least. “What I want to know: who’s gonna be team leader? And which one of y’all has what it takes to follow me?”

“Hangman, the only place you’ll lead anyone is an early grave.” Rooster replied and you watched Jake continue his path with an overwhelming urge to smack the smirk off of his face. If you wanted to, you knew you were the only person here who could get away with it.

“Well, anyone who follows you is just gonna run out of fuel.” Jake shot back, “But that’s just you ain’t it, Rooster? You’re snug on that perch waiting for just the right moment… that’s never gonna come.” He finished, stepping closer. “I love this song,” he added before walking away.

“Well, he hasn’t changed.” Phoenix sighed.

“Nope, sure hasn’t.” Rooster agreed and you chuckled.

“If only you knew how untrue that was,” you said, eyebrows raised as you looked after him, a man almost completely unrecognizable to you now. You were almost impressed that he was able to suppress this new side of himself when he went back home just as easily as you did.

“Thought you were in Bahrain,” Rooster commented and you spared him a quick glance.

“Thought you were in Japan,” you replied simply.

“Looks like your intel is outdated,” he said and you finally looked over to him with a smirk.

“Same goes for you.” You nudged his shoulder with yours, “good to see you, Roo.”

“Does anyone here have a normal relationship with one another?” Coyote asked, watching as Rooster disappeared and as you went to steal some of Bob’s peanuts. 

“This is like a dysfunctional summer camp reunion, Coyote. When have we all been in the same room at the same time?” Phoenix answered.

“Any thoughts as to how this is going to play out?” Jake asked, sidling up beside you as you ordered another beer and you didn’t even look in his direction as you watched Penny mix a drink for someone.

“Thought it was just a mission… none of the details confront you,” you responded and he didn’t miss the air of mockery in your tone.

“I meant between us,” he clarified and you glanced at him out of the corner of your eye.

“Thought we were just colleagues.”

He shot you an unamused look, “are you really going to be like that?” he asked and you shrugged.

“Matching your energy, Hangman. Have to say, I was hoping the rumors were false.”

“Oh yeah? And what rumors are those, Viper?”

“The rumors that you’re an arrogant asshole. Imagine my surprise to find the Jake I know nowhere in sight.”

“Well, imagine my surprise to find out the girl who used to steal my sweatshirts and whine if I didn’t cut the crust off her sandwiches in the Navy with a reputation of being a calculated bitch.”

“I’m a woman in the Navy, what’s your excuse?” you fired back and he nodded his head appreciatively as if to say touche.

He sighed, “I just mean… we have history, how do you want to go about that?”

“Pretty sure everyone here has some form of history with each other, I don’t see why we need to go about it any particular way.” you shrugged and he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a long detachment?”

“Probably because you’re right.”

“I just don’t understand why you can’t be a team player. You’re taking this whole Hangman thing too far,” you snapped from your side of the booth. “I’m sick of doing push ups because of you.”

“Ever considered it’s just because you’re the one that’s failing?” Jake asked with a smirk.

“No, it’s just because you’re a shitty wingman, always have been.”

“Now what is that supposed to mean?”

You laughed dryly, “Christmas? Two years ago? You had one job, be a decent wingman. You can’t do it on the ground and you certainly can’t do it in the air.”

“Hold up. Christmas two years ago? What do you mean?” Phoenix asked, having

overheard your latest round of ripping into Jake as she was walking by and you let out a sigh.

“Bagman and I grew up together,” you finally came clean and you gave her an exasperated look as she did a terrible job at masking her shock.

“Wait, like grew up grew up together? As kids?”

“My best friend is his sister,” you explained as briefly as you could. “Well, that makes a hell of a lot more sense than my theory,” she said and you furrowed

your brows.

“What was your theory?” you and Jake asked at the same time.

“I thought you two had slept together on a deployment,” she shrugged and you blinked in surprise. You looked at Jake and waited for him to respond because you were at a loss for words at the implication.

“Your quickness to assume I’ve slept with every woman I’ve come into contact with is frankly insulting,” he said and you bit back a laugh.

“But not entirely untrue,” you muttered.

“Please tell me you have embarrassing stories about him,” Phoenix pleaded and you let out a full laugh now.

“Oh, I definitely do.”

“That will remain in the vault because unless you’re forgetting, I have stories too.” Jake chimed in and you rolled your eyes.

“Hold on, I’ve been deployed with both of you, and mentioned both of you to each other, how is this the first I’m hearing of this?” she asked and you noticed the way almost everyone was not subtly listening in.

“Our families didn’t have the warmest reaction to him joining the Navy, let alone to be a fighter pilot… so I just kept it to myself when I did. Jake didn’t know until last week,” you answered.

She shot him a weird look, “I always forget you have a real name… makes you too human,” she muttered before slipping away and you chuckled. 

“Cat’s outta the bag now,” he said, eyeing you over the rim of his glass as he took a drink and you didn’t miss the way his pupils dilated as Rooster came into his field of vision.

“Buy you a refill?” he asked you and you nodded, allowing him to pull you up and lead you to the bar. “So, you and Hangman have history?” You realized he must have only caught a piece of your previous conversation.

“Mmhm,” you confirmed, “Seems everyone has history with him, including you.” you said as the two of you sat down on the bar stools.

“Nothing beyond the obvious.”

“And what’s the obvious?” you asked and he smirked, sliding a fresh beer towards you.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he said and you raised your eyebrows at him before he chuckled. “Thought it’d be good to catch up… haven’t heard from you since our last mission.”

“And whose fault is that?” you shot back, with Rooster it was always about what was unsaid. On the surface you weren’t even sure this would be considered a conversation, too much back and forth with not enough shared in each passing remark.

“You know how it is,” he shrugged and you nodded.

“How was Japan?”

“How was Bahrain?” You stared him down before cracking, a smile spreading across your face as you laughed.

“You know I can’t tell you.”

“You know I can keep a secret. Besides, what are friends for?”

“Oh, are we friends now?” you countered, amusement clear in your tone.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we weren’t.” he shot back.

“Our last communication was you sending me a photo of bird shit on your canopy with a series of emojis that I’m honestly still unsure the meaning of.”

“That’s peak friendship,” he laughed. “What is the story with you and Hangman and why was I not allowed to tell him we knew each other?”

“He’s my best friend’s brother,” you said and realization passed over his features. “He’s a little… protective, and I knew he wouldn’t respond well to me being in the Navy.”

“Ah, well that explains why he looks like he wants to kill me everytime I get close to you,” he said and you looked over your shoulder to find him glaring in your general direction and you let out a laugh.

“That’s just his face when it comes to you.”

“No, pretty sure it’s more than that,” he replied and you raised an eyebrow at him as if to say elaborate. He reached down to grab your stool and yanked you closer, forcing your legs to slide in between his and smirked as he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear while you just looked at him with wide eyes. “I give it five minutes, tops.”

“Five minutes for what?” you asked, coming out a little more breathless than you were hoping for.

“The way he looks at you is far more intense than just being his sister’s best friend… I’m just testing my theory,” he said, voice low with how close the two of you were.

“And what do you think these test results will yield?”

“I think he’s going to stew over there for a moment,” he said leaning closer as he looked over your shoulder and nodded slightly, “just like he’s doing right now… and then when I make any sort of indication of taking this further he’s going to come pull you right out of this chair and drag you off.” 

“Hmm,” you hummed, deciding to lean into it if only for the fact that your life was so hectic you had no time for attention like this… even if it was for show, and you let your fingers absentmindedly drag along his forearm. “And how are you going to indicate taking this further?” you asked, your eyes almost daring him.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he teased, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as his fingers trailed along your thigh.

You gave a half-hearted shrug, “contrary to popular belief, I’m not immune to a little flirting… real or not.”

He frowned slightly, “I know you’re not immune or are you purposefully forgetting our first mission?”

“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about,” you replied and now it was your turn to smirk. You saw something in his expression shift, like he was accepting the challenge you’d just given him.

“Do I need to remind you?” he asked, inching closer and your breath hitched when his hand rested on your neck. “Because I remember it quite vividly,” he whispered in your ear and you couldn’t help the shiver that raced up your spine. 

“I think it’s coming back to me now,” you said as he pulled back to look at you and he chuckled.

“Incoming.” you furrowed your brows at him as he leaned away but before you could ask him what he meant you felt a strong hand wrap around your arm and yank you upwards and suddenly you found yourself being pulled across the bar and one glance back to Rooster only revealed a smug look that said I told you so. And he did.

“Get off of me!” you yelled as you pushed Jake’s hand off you, crossing your arms over your chest as you glared up at him and squinted your eyes to shield from the sun setting over the beach… now just a handful of yards away in your new location. “What the hell is your problem?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” You just gestured for him to explain. “Rooster? Really?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Please tell me you’re not that dense,” he said and you could see the disappointment in his features but what you couldn’t figure out was why. You just shook your head and threw your arms out in exasperation and he sighed. “Do you really think flirting with Rooster is a good idea?”

You let out an indignant laugh, “you think that was flirting?”

“Okay, I know you’re not that dense.” 

“I know this has been difficult for you to wrap your head around but I have friendships on this squad outside of you that have been in existence for years. Whatever you think you saw was me catching up with an old friend.”

He scoffed, “and he just had to have his hands on your neck and thigh while doing so?”

“And so what if he did? I’m failing to see where this is any of your business and why it gave you the right to physically remove me from my conversation.”

“Figured I’d save you from making a mistake because it’s never a good idea to get involved with someone on your squad… especially on a mission as hard as this one.”

“You would know wouldn’t you?” you countered. “Speaking from personal experience?”

“Don’t do that, you always find a way to turn it around on me.”

“Maybe because you’re always the one in the wrong!” you shouted. “I know that me being here is weird for you, and I know it’s been an adjustment having me in the air with you but that does not give you the right to act like you have for the past eight years. I am not your kid sister’s best friend anymore, I am not a teenager that needs you to bail her out when guys get handsy.”

“Well, you’re definitely acting like a teenager who needs me to bail her out before she makes a mistake that could follow her around for the rest of her career.”

“You are the one acting like a teenager right now! In case you haven’t noticed because you’ve been too busy strutting around like you’re god’s fucking gift to us all, I’ve built an incredible career for myself, and I’m pretty damn good at what I do… I have to be, right? Because I landed myself here with you. Or do you think that was just a fluke? The only reason this is new to you is because I diminished myself to hide from you because I knew you couldn’t deal with the fact that I can handle my own shit now.”

“You think lying to everyone is handling your shit? You hid because you were too much of a coward to own up to it.”

You let out a bitter laugh, “I lied to everyone because they worry. Your mother cries every day you’re on deployment. Your sister calls me twice as much. Your dad goes to church twice a week. My parents check their phones every hour waiting to see if yours sent them any kind of update. It’s easier for everyone if they believe my traveling and being out of service range is because I’m safe and sound, digging up old relics. I lied because I knew you would act like this and I lied because giving our families some peace of mind was worth more to me than getting credit for everything I’ve accomplished.”

He was silent for a moment as he processed what you’d said, and he took a step back as silence permeated the outdoor patio. “I don’t think it was just a fluke,” he finally said and you let out a sharp exhale.

“Well, obviously it wasn’t, I’m a much better pilot than you.” you joked and he gave you a deadpan look. “Every time you snap at me in the air, or dismiss me in the training room, or conveniently occupy yourself elsewhere when my previous missions become the center of focus, you're only reinforcing the reasons I kept this from you. I didn’t want to. Of course I wanted to tell you of all people, I just… didn’t want to feel like I used to when we were growing up. Like the little kid you got stuck with.”

He sighed, “well, now I feel like a jackass.”

You shrugged, “well… you kind of are a jackass.”

“You’re not the little kid I got stuck with, sunshine. I just-”

“I get it,” you cut him off. You wanted this conversation to end before it got too deep, and you could tell by the look in his eyes you were about to jump headfirst into a conversation neither of you were ready for. “Come on, buy me a beer to make up for what a jackass you were.” 

You were on your third run through of the mission today, probably the dozenth this week and each time something went wrong, or you weren’t fast enough, or nothing went wrong and you were fast enough but you missed the target. Between this and Maverick’s constant reminders of just how impossible this mission was, you were finding it hard to push through the noise and focus on your objectives… something that had never been an issue for you in the past. You’d made a career off of keeping your head down and doing what was expected of you no matter how difficult it was but this? Each time you stepped into the cockpit you couldn’t help but think you were training for your death.

“Talk to me, Bob,” Phoenix said as you flew above the dry terrain. You could feel the clock running out, both on this run through and your mission training in general.

“We are twelve seconds late on target, we gotta move! We gotta move,” Bob replied.

“Copy, try to stay with me,” you said as you increased your speed.

“Wait, who’s that?” Bob asked and you cocked your head slightly, waiting for further information.

“Blue team, you’ve been spotted.” Maverick’s voice rang throughout your headset and you winced.

“Shit, it’s Mav.” 

“What the hell is he doing here?” Phoenix asked,

“I’m a bandit on course to intercept, blue team what are you gonna do?”

“He’s twenty miles left, ten o’clock. Seven hundred knots closure.” Bob supplied.

“Your call, what do you want to do?” you asked Phoenix, looking over your shoulder in the direction of her aircraft.

“Continue, we’re close. Stay on target.”

“He’s swinging around to the north,” Bob said as you began to brace yourself.

“Stand by for pop-up.” 

“Be ready on that laser, Bob,” Phoenix ordered.

“Copy, I’m on it.”

“Blue team, bandit is still closing,” Maverick reminded you and you felt tension settling in your muscles.

“Popping now,” you communicated as you sharply moved to a steep incline. You gasped for air as the weight crushed you backwards into your seat. “Talk to me, Bob. Where’s Mav?”

“He’s five miles out, he’s coming fast.”

“Target’s in sight,” Phoenix said.

“Where’s my laser, Bob?” you asked, already feeling the panic creep in.

“Deadeye! Deadeye! It’s no good. Sorry, I can’t get a lock.”

“We’re out of time, I’m dropping blind,” you said with a slight shake of your head as your thumb hovered over the button as you tried to drop it at the exact right moment. “Fuck, I missed,” you sighed as you began your steep climb out.

“That’s tone,” Maverick said and you could hear the disappointment in his voice.

“Maverick’s got missile lock on us.” Bob groaned.

“Shit, we’re dead,” Phoenix cursed.

“Blue team, that’s a fail.” You let out a sharp exhale as you ripped your mask off in frustration. No matter how hard or how many times you tried you were always so close without ever actually making it. “That’s enough for today.” Maverick said as you leveled out and you navigated to flank him. “Bird strike! Bird strike!” he shouted as you tried to avoid the onslaught of birds but it was no use, you felt your jet become unsteady as one flew directly into your engine.

“Shit, left engine’s on fire. Climbing,” you said as you yanked up on the yoke. “Throttling back, shutting off fuel to left engine. Extinguishing fire,” you narrated as you ran through your mental checklist of everything you needed to do. “Fuck, it’s still spinning. Trying to restart,” you tried to keep your voice and your nerves steady but it was no use, the erratic beeping filling the cockpit was threatening to pull you apart.

“Viper, it’s on fire! Don’t start-” Maverick started but you cut him off.

“Throttling up.” You watched as everything flashed at you and you tried to regain control as you quickly lost altitude. “Extinguishing right engine.” Everything was in failure and you were running out of options.

“Viper, punch out.” Maverick ordered as your jet hurtled towards the hillside in a spiral. “You can’t save it. Eject, eject!”

“Fuck, ejecting! Ejecting!” you shouted as you pulled the handles between your feet and the last thing you remembered was watching your plane burn in.

You awoke in a panic, gripping the sheets as a distant beeping accelerated your heart rate and as if on autopilot your hands grabbed for the controls but there was nothing but fabric. “Hey, hey you’re okay,” you heard and you let out a sharp exhale as you saw Jake sitting beside you, leaned forward in his chair with concern written all over his face.

“I don’t- what the hell happened?”

“Bird strike. Thank god you punched out in time but you lost consciousness on the way down. Doc said you’re fine, they’re coming to discharge you soon,” he explained and you nodded as you began to calm down.

“Jesus,” you whispered before another wave of panic rolled over you. “Mav? Phoenix and Bob?” you asked, realizing you’d been so wrapped up in your own cockpit you didn’t even know if the voices coming through your headset were for you or if they were struggling with their own aircrafts.

“They’re good, Mav stopped by earlier to check in and everyone has been blowing up the group chat asking for updates,” he chuckled as he rested a hand on your leg.

“Just another thing to tack onto the long list of failures with this mission,” you sighed, running a hand through your hair.

He frowned at you, “hey, no one faults you for this. You can’t control bird strikes,” he reassured. “Everyone is just glad you got out.” His thumb was rubbing reassuring circles against your thigh and you took a deep breath as you tried to shake off the way he was looking at you. It was concern and… something else you couldn’t place.

“Jake, I don’t… I don’t think everyone’s going to come back from this,” you whispered, it was a universal truth, everyone had thought it at one point or another, Maverick had basically said it without being explicit, and you knew damn well Cyclone didn’t care about casualties so long as the mission was completed. “We can’t even get through dropping the bombs, we haven’t even accounted for SAM’s or bandits.”

“If anyone can do it, it’s us.” he said, voice firm and you knew it was a defense mechanism. He wouldn’t come out and say it but he shared the same fears you did. “Come on, let’s get you up, everyone wants to see that you’re alive and well for themselves,” he diverted but you knew better. He just didn’t want to get into it with you because if he did he wasn’t sure he’d be able to flip the switch back. He had to stay focused and so did you.

The drive to the Hard Deck was silent, much like a lot of your time had been with Jake recently and it made you want to rip your hair out. You couldn’t deal with the hot and cold, one minute you felt like nothing had changed when he brought you your coffee exactly how you liked it, or when you were doubled over in laughter by the dart board and the next he was distant, blowing you off entirely and pretending you were no more than a colleague. You knew things wouldn’t be like how they were back home, this was work and the lives of you and your team were on the line. There were more important things to focus on but when you watched him let loose with Coyote after-hours or humor Fanboy while he talked about some nerdy tv show you couldn’t help but think it felt like a knife to the back. 

“Easy, I know you’re sore even though you’re pretending you’re not,” he said softly as he helped you climb out of the car and you just gave him a deadpan look.

“I’m not pretending,” you protested and he smirked.

“Sure you’re not,” he agreed, even though he really didn’t.

“There she is!” Fanboy cheered as you walked in and you gave a bashful smile, hiding your face behind your hands to shield yourself from the commotion. “How are you feeling? What’d the doctor say?” he asked as everyone looked at you intently.

Bob elbowed him, “you are under no obligation to share your private medical information,” he said, clear disapproval in his tone at everyone’s nosiness.

You chuckled, “it’s okay, Bob. No concussion, nothing broken, just some light bruising in my ribs. Still cleared to fly so it looks like the competition hasn’t been knocked out yet,” you teased.

“Thank god, I couldn’t stand it if you abandoned me,” Phoenix said with a warm smile as she wrapped an arm around your waist carefully. “Are you allowed to drink?”

“It’s actually been encouraged,” you joked and she nodded before disappearing.

“Glad you’re okay,” Rooster said, giving you a sheepish smile. “Scared the shit out of all of us.”

“I like to keep you on your toes,” you replied. “Since I almost died today and all…” you started and he rolled his eyes.

“Oh, so you’re milking this?”

“Mmhm,” you smirked. “Since I almost died today, think you could go play a little something?” you asked and he shook his head with a chuckle.

“For you, I think that can be arranged.” you watched with a small smile as he did his usual routine of yanking the cord of the jukebox out of the wall before sauntering over to the piano. You loved watching the bar crowd around him, watching your new and old friends sing along and bust out terrible dance moves. It made it a little easier to forget the impending doom you were all facing.

“Did you make that happen?” Phoenix asked, placing a glass of bourbon in your hand.

“Not like I had to try very hard,” you laughed, watching as she nearly ran over to join him.

“You’ve always been so good at that,” Jake said, appearing beside you suddenly and you tore your eyes away from watching the fun for a moment to look up at him.

“What’s that?”

“Bringing people together,” he answered, gazing down at you. “This could have been just another detachment. Forced friendship while we’re stuck with each other before we go back to our normal squads, but nothing about that looks forced to me,” he said, turning back to watch Bob twirling Phoenix around, Payback and Fanboy doing the robot to a song completely unsuited for such a dance, Coyote and Rooster singing at the top of their lungs.

“Thank you,” you said and he pulled his attention back to you, an unasked question on his face. “For staying with me, it was nice having you there when I woke up.”

He shrugged, “no problem, you’re Sadie’s best friend… pretty sure she would have flown out here just to kick my ass if I didn’t.” Your face fell for a moment but you quickly recovered.

“Right, just Sadie’s best friend,” you muttered, polishing off your drink in one swig. Suddenly you felt silly, of course that’s only how he saw you. You were naive to think the ‘friendship’ you’d built over the past two decades was nothing more than the fact that you were in his life because of his sister, because your families had bonded over the daughters who couldn’t stand to be apart for more than twelve hours. The quarterly phone calls and drinking sessions past midnight over the holidays were nothing more than circumstantial. 

“Sunshine-” he started but you gave him an empty smile.

“Need a refill,” you said before walking towards the bar and Penny saw you coming, saw the look in your eyes and was quick to pour as soon as you’d set the glass down.

“Gave everyone quite a scare today, you alright?” she asked and you nodded. You knew she wasn’t really asking you about your ejection but you were content to pretend she was.

“All good, comes with the territory,” you chuckled and she gave you a knowing look.

“That one’s on me, consider it your unofficial hazard pay,” she joked and you took a moment to lean against the bar as you collected your thoughts. You couldn’t help but feel stupid  to think that even with the rigors of the job and learning curve of being around each other professionally you’d find some sort of groove resembling the one you settled into back home. You wondered what the hell that even was when you were home. He was always the highlight of your holidays, someone who understood you even though he didn’t know it. You looked forward to sneaking into his room when everyone had gone to sleep with a bottle to talk shit about your families and you shook your head as you sat in the embarrassment of thinking he could have looked forward to that too.

“Sunshine, I didn’t mean-” he started as he approached you and you just shook your head.

“It’s fine, I get it.” you said, focusing your attention on Rooster who was still fiddling with the keys while everyone went back to their groups and listened to it as background noise. “Training is almost over and when the mission is done we can go back to our squads and you can forget about the little kid who’s been following you around for twenty years.” 

“I don’t think you’re a little kid, I really didn’t mean anything by-”

“Jake.” you cut him off, turning to look up at him. “Really, it’s fine. With any luck after this we won’t see each other until Christmas so… maybe it’s better if we just focus on our own shit. We have enough to worry about.” You walked across the bar and slid onto the bench with Rooster who gave you a questioning look.

“Everything okay?” he asked and you nodded, taking a swig of your drink. 

“What do you say to a little Great Balls of Fire?” you asked, resting your head on his shoulder for a moment and with just a few of the opening chords he’d pulled everyone right back in just like he always did.

“It’s been an honor flying with you,” Maverick started as you all stood at attention. “Each one of you represents the best of the best. This is a very specific mission, my choice is a reflection of that and nothing more.” 

“Choose your two foxtrot teams,” Cyclone said and the tension in the room was palpable.

“Payback and Fanboy, Phoenix and Bob.” You smiled softly, that’s exactly who you would have picked.

“And your wingman,” Cyclone added and you felt the anxiety settle in the pit of your stomach. It was between you, Rooster, and Jake… You knew there was a complicated history between Maverick and Rooster, and despite your instability with Jake you didn’t want to be pitted against him.

“Viper.” he called out and the first person you looked at was Rooster who was doing a great job at masking his feelings and he shot you a tight smile. You glanced forward to find Jake looking at you and he gave you a slight nod. You thought getting picked for this mission would feel better than this, but you only felt sick.

“The rest of you will stand by on the carrier for any reserve role that’s required. Dismissed,” Warlock said and your limbs were slow to catch up with your brain as you began to move for the exit to head back to your bunk. You’d been training for weeks yet you felt entirely unprepared. Maverick stepping in as team leader restored a bit of your confidence but even with him leading you knew the odds of actually pulling this off and everyone making it back were slim. Part of you was relieved it was you and not Jake, or Rooster. Rooster still had a legacy to fulfill, and Jake simply wasn’t finished. He had a lot left to learn, and a lot left to accomplish.

“Hey,” Rooster called after you, jogging to catch up and you stopped in front of your door, looking around at the crowded hallway and you subtly nodded for him to follow you. “Congratulations.” he said as you closed the door behind you.

“I’m sorry,” you started but he shook his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You earned this, I know better than anyone how good you are in the air. Mav made the right call… I’m only sorry you aren’t team leader, we all thought you would be.”

“If it makes you feel any better you would have been my wingman if I was,” you offered and he chuckled.

“Not Hangman?”

You sighed, “I trust Jake implicitly on the ground, but… I can’t in the air, and he hasn’t had the best reaction to seeing me in this environment. You on the other hand I know I can trust in the air. You’ve saved my ass several times,” you said with a soft smile.

“Only as often as you’ve saved mine,” he replied. “I think you need to look at Hangman’s attitude towards you through a different lens.”

“What do you mean?” you asked as you slightly tilted your head in confusion.

“It’s not that he sees you as his little sister���s best friend, or the kid he can’t seem to escape… it’s the fact that he doesn’t see you that way, and now he’s forced to face it every day.” 

“If he doesn’t see me that way, then what way does he see me?” you asked, struggling to put the dots together and he just smiled.

“I can’t do all the work for you.” he said, pulling you in for a hug. “I’ve missed having you around, V.”

“I’ve missed having you around too, Roo. Let’s be actual friends when this is all over… which means no more sending me photos of bird shit on your canopy,” you said with a laugh.

“I told you, that’s peak friendship!” he said and you pulled away when your door creaked open.

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” Jake asked as he poked his head in, clearly uncomfortable and you and Rooster both shook your heads.

“No, I was just leaving… I’ll see you before, yeah?” Rooster asked and you nodded, giving his arm a squeeze as he walked past. “Hey, don’t think, just do, right?” he said before leaving and you nodded.

“Don’t think, just do.”

“Sure you two aren’t a thing?” Jake asked as he walked in, glancing behind him to make sure he was gone and you chuckled.

“Scout’s honor,” you replied.

“I just wanted to come congratulate you,” he said and you let out another soft laugh.

“Seems everyone wanted to do that,” you said. “Thank you, I’m sorry you weren’t picked.”

“Don’t be, you were right. You’re the better pilot,” he said and there wasn’t an ounce of dishonesty in his tone. “I need you to have a clear head while you’re up there, but… can we talk when this is all over? I handled this completely wrong and I don’t want to forget about the girl that’s been in my corner for twenty years when we go back to our old squads.” you smiled at the way he rephrased what you’d said earlier.

You nodded, “I’d like that.”

He moved towards the door but turned back to say, “I know Sadie’s your best friend, but just so you know… you’re mine,” before he left and you let out a sharp exhale and flopped onto your bunk as the door shut behind him. You put your hands over your eyes as you let what both Rooster and Jake said sink in and it left you with far more questions than you had when you entered this dorm… so much for having a clear head. You heard the door push open and let out a groan, sitting up to see who was coming to mess with your head now but quickly turned sheepish.

“Jesus, hello to you too,” Phoenix muttered as she walked in and set something on her bunk. “Saw both your boyfriends leave,” she said with a smirk and you rolled your eyes before laying back down.

“They’re not my boyfriends.” you protested and she just laughed.

“Sure they aren’t. How are you feeling?”

“How are you feeling?” you shot back as she sat next to you.

“Terrified, but we’re as ready as we’re going to be.” You sat up and turned to face her fully.

“I’m really glad you’re flying with me, Phe. How badass are we? Not one but two women selected for the uber secret, uber dangerous mission?” you asked and she let out a laugh.

“Super badass, now we just gotta make sure we come home so we can brag about it.”

You stood on the platform with nerves rattling you to your core. You took a deep breath and shook your limbs out as you looked up at your jet.  You reached up to press your hand to its exterior and said, “no funny business today, alright? I wanna come home.”

“Sunshine!” you heard from behind you and turned to see Jake jogging towards you. You stood in silence for a moment before he pulled you in for a bone crushing hug. “You give ‘em hell, okay?” You nodded when he pulled away and you watched him walk to his own jet where he’d be sitting as Dagger Spare. You made eye contact with Maverick who gave you a nod that you returned, a silent exchange that solidified you were in this together.

“Dagger One, up and ready on catapult one.” Maverick said in your ear and you exhaled forcefully, willing any reservations to leave your body with your breath.

“Dagger Spare standing by.”

“Dagger Four, up and ready.”

“Dagger Three, up and ready.”

“Dagger Two, up and ready,” you said as you focused your mind and pushed out anything but the mission. You weren’t going to think about what Rooster had said, or about what Jake wanted to talk to you about when this was all over, and especially not what you were hoping he wanted to talk to you about. Blocking out the noise was what you were good at, and one of the reasons you were selected. Get in, get out, go home. That’s all you had to do.

You launched off the catapult and fell into formation behind Maverick and listened for the command to fall below the radar. The ocean was closer than it had ever been before and somehow it felt so different from your proximity to the ground during training. This was real. This wasn’t a simulation.

“Feet dry in sixty seconds. Comanche, Dagger One. Picture.”

“Comanche, picture clean. Decision is yours.” 

“Copy,” Maverick replied and waited for a beat before saying, “Dagger attack.” Not that it was an option before but there was no turning back now. You watched the tomahawks fly over your head as you assumed attack formation and marked your time as you entered the valley and rounded the snowy ridges. “First SAM site overhead.”

“Looks like we’re clear on radar, Mav.” Phoenix said.

“Let’s not take it for granted.” You knew they were there but you chose to ignore the presence of the SAM’s above you. Worrying about them now wouldn’t do you any good, you had plenty of time for that later. Your only concern was staying below where you could trigger them.

“We got two minutes to target,” Bob said and you checked your radar, increasing your speed.

“Stay with me, Payback.” you grunted as you overtook a curve.

“I got you,” he confirmed.

“We’re picking up two bandits. Single group, two contacts.” Comanche informed and you furrowed your brows slightly.

“Comanche, what’s their heading?” Phoenix asked.

“Bullseye 090, 50, tacked southwest.”

“They’re headed away from us, they don’t know we’re here,” you replied.

“The second those tomahawks hit the airbase those bandits are gonna move to defend the target, we have to get there before they do. Increase speed,” Maverick ordered and you nodded to yourself as you did.

“We got you Mav, don’t wait for me,” Phoenix responded. You lagged as you finally saw one of the SAM’s, a visual you were trying really hard to avoid and your breath caught in your throat as some of the noise started to creep in.

“Stay with me, V, don’t think.” Maverick said to you and you nodded to yourself again.

“Just do,” you finished as you pushed forward on the throttle.

“Jesus, Viper,” Payback shouted in your ear and you chuckled.

“Come on, Payback, you with me?” you asked. “Watch your heads,” you warned as you navigated through a bridge.

“Right behind you!” he confirmed after Fanboy let out some expletives that let you know they were still tailing you.

“Phoenix, stand-by for pop-up strike.”

“Dagger Three in position,” she replied. You heard their grunts through the headset as they fought against the gravity trying to pull them backwards.

“Get me eyes on that target, Bob!”

“Dagger Three, standby, Mav… Standby… I’ve got it!”

“Target acquired, bombs away.” Mav said and you felt your body stiffen as you waited for confirmation.

“We’ve got impact. Check, direct hit! Direct hit!” Bob yelled and you felt a wave of relief that disappeared as quickly as it had washed over you.

“Dagger Two, status.”

“Almost there, Mav, almost there,” you replied as you flew over the ridge.

“Fanboy, where’s my laser?” you asked as you grew closer to the target.

“V, there’s something wrong with this laser… Shit! Dead eye, dead eye, dead eye!” Fanboy shouted and you cursed under your breath.

“Come on, we are running out of time. Get it online!” you yelled back.

“I’m trying!”

“Come on, Fanboy!” you heard Payback say and you were running a risk analysis in your head.

“Nearly there, nearly there!”

“There’s no time, I’m dropping blind.” you said, voice calm and steady as you focused on the target.

“Viper, I’ve got this!” Fanboy tried and you wanted to reassure him but you couldn’t.

“Pull up. Bombs away, bombs away!” you said as you pressed your button before pulling up.

“Bullseye, bullseye, bullseye!” you heard command say but you couldn’t focus on anything as you tried to get oxygen to your brain, the force was compressing your lungs and you could feel the edges of your vision darken as you let out breathless pants.

“We’re not out of this yet,” Maverick grunted. “Here it comes.” you listened as they communicated, trying to evade the SAM’s. “Viper, status.” You wanted to answer but you couldn’t as you flew over the ridge and onto the radar.

“Oh fuck,” you muttered, looking overhead as the missiles launched. “Smoke in the air!”

“SAM on your six, Viper!” Payback warned.

“Deploying countermeasures,” you called as you slammed the button. “Negative contact.”

“Dagger one defending.”

“Talk to me, Bob!”

“Break right, Phoenix, break right! Mav, nine o’clock! Nine o’clock!” It was pure chaos as they exploded overhead.

“Viper, two more on your six!” you heard someone say but you couldn’t tell who.

“Dagger Two, defending,” you said as you hit your flare button.

“Payback, SAM on your nose.”

“Dagger Four defending.”

“Viper, tally, tally, seven o’clock!

“Talk to me, Bob!”

“On our six!”

“Dagger Two defending.”

“Phoenix, break right!”

“I see it, I see it!” Everyone’s voices were overlapping as you tried to look out for yourselves and each other, in all your years in the Navy you’d been in some pretty fucked up situations but this one just felt different. You yelled out to Phoenix and watched as she came close to taking a hit, and you could hear Fanboy’s panicked shouts trying to keep up with what was going on around you. You thought that if you had the time you might throw up, but you didn’t.

“Dagger Two, defending,” you said as you looked over your shoulder to see two on your tail. “Fuck, I’m out of flares!”

“Viper, evade, evade!” Maverick shouted and you whipped your jet around but shook your head.

“I can’t shake ‘em! They’re on me, they’re on me!” You watched Maverick’s jet pass overhead as he deployed his flares but gasped when one hit his tail. Your heart sank as you watched what was left of his jet fall out of the sky and tears pricked at your eyes that you quickly blinked away.

“Maverick!” you yelled, trying to turn in your seat to look for a parachute.

“Dagger One is hit! I repeat, Dagger One is hit! Maverick is down!” Phoenix called out as the wreckage of his plane floated down around you.

“Dagger One status? Status!” you asked with no answer. “Anyone see him? Does anyone see him?”

“I didn’t see a parachute,” Payback replied.

“We have to circle back.”

“Comanche. Bandits inbound. Single group, hot. Recommend dagger flow south. One minute to intercept.” There was a pause before you heard, “All daggers flow to ECP.”

“What about Maverick?” you asked, chest tightening at the thought of leaving him behind. You couldn’t. You wouldn’t.

“Dagger Spare, request permission to launch and fly air cover,” you heard Jake in your ear and you didn’t realize how badly you’d needed to hear the sound of his voice.

“Negative, spare.”

“Dagger, you are not to engage. Repeat, do not engage.” You gripped your controls as you listened to them ask you to acknowledge you heard the order but it all sounded muffled.

“Viper, those bandits are closing,” Phoenix said. “We can’t go back.”

“V, he’s gone. Maverick’s gone,” Bob added and you could hear the sadness in his voice but you weren’t accepting that. You thought of Rooster… of him telling you Maverick had pulled his papers and how despite how angry he was you could see through it to the hurt. He’d lost his father and alienated his only male role model. You thought of him listening in back at the carrier, the regret you knew he would be feeling as he realized Maverick was gone.

“I’m his wingman,” you said firmly. “Daggers flow back to carrier.” you ordered.

“Viper?” “What the fuck are you doing?” Fanboy asked.

“Dagger Two. Return to carrier.” You heard command say but you ignored it.

“Maverick is down which means I’m team leader now, I’m not leaving him behind.”

“Viper, you can’t do anything for him,” Phoenix tried.

“Only if I don’t try. Return to carrier, now.” you ordered again as you flipped around in pursuit of where his jet had fallen. You flicked off your radio and disconnected the overlapping chatter filling your ear. You whizzed back through the canyon and saw Maverick running through the snow covered clearing, trying to evade a helicopter and you used the element of surprise to your advantage… swinging around behind it.

“Dagger Two, deploying missile,” you narrated as you pressed the button but then let out a breathless laugh as you made contact. “Don’t really know who I’m saying that to.” You moved to circle back around and unknowingly triggered a SAM that quickly intercepted you and you cursed as you pulled up on your ejection loops.

You hit the ground with a thud and rolled over onto your back as you let out a groan. “Son of a bitch,” you muttered, “I am so sick of ejecting.” Your muscles ached as you worked on rolling up your parachute and you lifted your head to see Maverick running towards you.

“You alright?” he yelled and you nodded as you stood.

“Yeah, I’m good. You alright?” you asked but were caught off guard when he sent you flying backwards into the snow. “Oh, Jesus,” you muttered as you hit the ground, again. “What the fuck?” you yelled as you got up.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as you threw your helmet to the ground.

“What am I doing here?” 

“You think I took that missile so you could be down here with me? You should be back on the carrier by now!”

“I saved your life!” you shouted.

“I saved your life, that’s the whole point.” he countered and you narrowed your eyes at him as you dusted the snow off your jacket. “What the hell were you even thinking?”

“I’m your wingman!” you shouted, throwing your arms out in exasperation. “That means something to me beyond the mission. I haven’t lost anyone yet and I don’t intend on losing anyone today.” He stared at you for a moment before letting out a sigh.

“Well, it’s good to see you,” he finally said and you put your hands on your hips as you tried to catch your breath.

“Yeah, good to see you too… so, what’s the plan?” you asked and he just gave you that famous Maverick look that said you probably weren’t going to like it.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me,” you said as you looked at an old plane through your binoculars. “An F-14?”

“I shot down three migs in one of those,” he pointed out and you just gave him an incredulous look.

“We don’t even know if that bag of ass can fly,” you countered.

“Let’s find out!” he said before taking off and your eyes widened.

“Mav!” you whisper-yelled after him. “Okay,” you muttered as you followed suit, stumbling into step with him as you walked out into the open, trying your best to act natural. “There’s a lot of people around.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s more over there.” you said as you looked around as subtly as you could. You knew this mission would be unlike anything you’d ever faced but you really weren’t anticipating being in enemy territory on foot.

“Okay.” he said, looking around. “Let’s start running.”

“Yeah, run.” you agreed, chasing after him into the hangar.

“Once I give you the signal for air, you’re gonna flip this switch until the needle gets to 120. When the engine starts, you gotta pull out the pins and disconnect everything. You understand?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, watching him power it on.

“Once I’m up, stow the ladder,” he yelled as he climbed up and you were quick to fold it away behind him. You gave him a thumbs up as you flipped the switch and watched the dial and when the engine fired on you ran around the jet pulling everything out.

“Ah, shit,” you huffed, struggling slightly as you jumped up onto the wing and climbed into the backseat. “Jesus, this thing is old,” you commented as you looked over everything and tried to make sense of it.

“Canopy?” he asked and you confirmed you were clear.

“Both runways are cratered,” you pointed out. “How are we gonna get this museum piece off the ground?” You looked out the window and furrowed your brows. “Hey Mav, the wings are coming out.”

“Yep.”

“Why are the wings coming out?” you asked but he didn’t answer. “Holy shit, are we really using a taxiway as a runway?” You were absolutely terrified but you’d be lying if you said there wasn’t a small part of you that was absolutely exhilarated. 

“Just hang on,” he said and you flew backwards in your seat as he took off. “Come on, come on, come on.”

“Mav?” you asked, looking ahead of him at the structure you were barrelling towards. “Holy shit,” you muttered as you closed your eyes and felt the wheels lift off the ground. You looked down and switched your ESAT on, hoping they’d see you and send reinforcements.

“Alright Viper, get us in touch with the boat.”

“Working on it, everything’s out. What should I do?”

“First the radio. Throw the uh… the UHF2 circuit breaker. Try that.”

“Sure, I’m not looking at like three hundred breakers or anything… got anything more specific?”

“I don’t know, that was not my department,” he answered and you nodded.

“Where’s Bob when you need him?” you muttered as you leaned down to fiddle with what you could find and your eyes widened when you looked beneath you. “Mav, tally two, five o’clock low. What do we do?”

“Okay, listen. Just be cool. If they knew who we were, we’d be dead already.”

“That’s comforting… what’s the plan?”

“Just put your mask on. Remember, we’re on the same team.” you watched as they pulled up beside you. “Just wave and smile.” You forced a smile as you watched the other pilot gesture with his hands but it wasn’t anything you were familiar with.

“What is that, what’s he saying?”

“No idea. I have no idea what he’s saying.”

“What about that one?” you asked as they changed gestures. “Any idea?”

“Nope, never seen that one either.” Maverick played dumb as he tapped his helmet and gave a thumbs down. “Shit, his wingman is moving into weapons envelope. Alright, listen up. When I tell you, you grab those rings above your head. That’s the ejection handle.”

“Can we outrun them?” you asked, not exactly keen on the idea of punching out for a third time in as many weeks.

“Not their missiles and guns.”

“Then it’s a dogfight,” you said, and he sighed.

“An F-14 against fifth-gen fighters?”

“It’s not the plane, it’s the pilot. What would you do if I wasn’t here?”

“But you are here,” he said and you could hear the apprehension in his tone. “I don’t intend on losing anyone today,” he repeated your earlier words.

“So don’t. Come on, Mav. Don’t think, just do.” He was silent for a moment and your hands flew to brace yourself as he jolted to the side and laid into one of the other jets.

“Tell me when you see smoke in the air,” he ordered and you twisted in your seat to watch behind you.

“Smoke in the air! Smoke in the air!”

“Hang on!” He dropped a missile and led the other plane directly into it.

“Splash one! Splash one!” you cheered, still trying to find your bearings as the plane jolted around. “Here comes another one!”

“Viper, flares, now now now!” he called and you pressed the button, watching as they intercepted the missile. “Splitting the throttles, coming around,” he said as you grunted and placed a hand on the ceiling. “Give me tone, give me tone.”

“You got him, Mav!”

“Taking the shot,” he said as he deployed and you watched the other plane do an evasion maneuver you’ve seen before. “What the-”

“Holy shit,” you said, watching him practically float past your canopy. “What the fuck was that?”

“Hang on, we’ve gotta get low. The terrain will confuse his targeting system.”

“Here he comes!” you shouted as he was hot on your tail.

“Talk to me, Viper, where is he?”

“He’s still on us,” you managed to get out as you bounced from side to side of the canopy. “We took a hit, we took a hit!”

“Damn it.”

“Come on Mav, do some of that pilot shit!” 

“Brace yourself.” You quickly rose in altitude and you struggled to get a breath in as you went careening back into the valley. “I’ve got tone, taking the shot.” he said and you watched the other plane take it out with countermeasures. “Out of missiles, switching to guns.”

“You got him, Mav!” you yelled as the distance lessened.

“It’s not over yet,” he replied. “One last chance.” You watched him use his last round of ammunition to rip into the top of the other jet and you let out a cheer when it crashed into the rocky hillside.

“Yes! Splash two!” you said before you went back to fiddling with the controls, trying to recall anything from initial training back in the day and you exhaled in relief when the system in front of you came to life. “Mav, I got the radio on!”

“Outstanding, get us in touch with the boat.”

“Copy that,” you said just as alarms started ringing. “What the fuck? Where even is he?”

“He’s on our nose,” Maverick said and you really wished you didn’t hear the dread in his tone. “We’re out of ammo. Smoke in the air, Viper, flares!” 

“That was way too close,” you said. “We’re out of flares, Mav! Shit, he’s already on us.” you grunted as bullets began hitting your jet. “This is not good!” Maverick did his best to try and evade but it wasn’t any use. “We took another hit!”

“No, no, no. no!”

“We can’t take much more of this!”

“We can’t outrun this guy, we gotta eject.”

“What?” you yelled, panic creeping into your voice.

“We need altitude. Pull the ejection handles the second I tell you to.”

“Mav, wait-” you started but he cut you off.

“Viper, there’s no other way. Eject, eject, eject!” he ordered and you reached above you to pull on the loops but they were stuck. “Viper, pull the handle, eject!”

“It’s not working!” you yelled back, still trying. “Mav!” You were still rising in altitude and you pressed your hands against the canopy as you realized this was it. You weren’t getting out of this. You thought of Jake, how he was going to have to tell Sadie… how it was going to fall on him to tell your parents not only were you in the Navy but that you were dead. You thought about Christmas Eve’s with him in middle school, dancing with him at his senior prom because even though you were a freshman he’d much rather have danced with you, and laughing at his old school photos while he watched you walk around the museum that was his childhood bedroom with a bottle of whiskey in your hand. It’s not that he sees you as his little sister’s best friend, it’s the fact that he doesn’t. 

“Oh my god,” you whispered, realization washing over you. I know Sadie’s your best friend, but just so you know… you’re mine.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Maverick said and you flinched when you heard an explosion but exhaled in relief when you realized it wasn’t you. You turned to see what was left of the enemy jet floating down to the water as an F-18 emerged through the smoke. Your eyes were wide as you tried to process what was happening… were you actually dead? Is this what the afterlife is?

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your savior speaking.” Jake started and you let out a breathless laugh as he pulled up beside you. “Please fasten your seatbelts, return your tray tables to their locked and upright positions, and prepare for landing.”

“Jake…” you said, looking over at him in disbelief.

“Hey sunshine,” he replied. “I’ll see you back on deck.” he said before flying ahead of you and you couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled past your lips as the adrenaline worked its way through your system.

“Maverick is downwind. No front landing gear. No tail hook. Pull the cable and raise the barricade,” Maverick communicated as you buzzed the tower and you giggled.

“Cyclone hated that,” you muttered and Maverick chuckled as you circled around and felt a jolt. “For the love of god, please don’t tell me we just lost an engine,” you sighed.

“Alright, I won’t tell you that,” he replied. You grunted as you hit the deck and flew forward in your seat at the impact before coming to a screeching halt. You were both silent for a moment, in disbelief that you actually made it back. “You good?” he finally asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you answered as the canopy raised and you were met with the cheers of all of the crewmen and your teammates. As your feet hit the ground it actually crossed your mind to drop to your knees and kiss the disgusting tarmac you were so grateful for but you had someone to find. Phoenix threw her arms around you and you reciprocated the hug but you were searching the crowd over her shoulder, muttering half-hearted thanks to the people congratulating you and you pushed everyone away as you started walking.

“Sunshine!” you heard and you turned around and finally saw him. You exhaled sharply as you ran towards him but he held out a hand that stopped you in your tracks. “What the hell were you thinking? I thought you were dead,” he shouted over the commotion and you knew you probably should have been apologizing, or explaining yourself but instead you just smiled as you looked up at him. You could see about a dozen emotions on his face, but the one you were focusing on was the one that had been there all along… you’d just been too slow to realize it. “Why are you smiling? This isn’t funny, you really scared the shit out of me. That was reckless, and it- I… Fuck sunshine, I love you so much, I can’t ever go through thinking you’re dead again. Are you even- shit, are you okay? Let me look-” you knew he wasn’t going to stop on his own so you reached out and grabbed onto his flight suit with a smirk, pulling him into you and pressing your lips to his. He reciprocated immediately and you smiled into the kiss as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. He lifted you off the ground as the cheers magnified around you.

“About damn time,” Rooster muttered from beside you but you didn’t care.

“I love you too, idiot,” you said when you pulled away and he set you back down but kept his arms firmly around your waist. “Chalked yourself another kill, looks like I’m going to have to even the score.”

“Always so competitive,” he said with a shake of his head before kissing you again and you pulled away when you felt a hand on your shoulder to see Maverick. He was looking at you with so much pride and gratitude that was only mirrored on your own face.

“Thank you for saving my life,” he said and you felt tears prick at your eyes.

“Thank you for saving mine, sir,” you replied and held out your hand for him to shake, but when he took it he only pulled you in for a hug. You watched him start to disappear into the crowd and quickly turned to grab Rooster by the collar and you gave him a look that had his eyes widening in fear. “I didn’t do that for Mav, I did that for you. Go,” you said firmly, shoving him in the direction Maverick had gone.

“You know, you could have just told me. You didn’t have to be an ass about it,” you said, looking up at Jake who rolled his eyes playfully.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he asked as you hit his arm. “I didn’t know… not until I thought it was too late,” he said, voice lowering as he stepped closer and placed a hand on your cheek, brushing his thumb against your cheekbone to wipe away a falling tear.

“I thought I’d realized too late,” you whispered as he pressed his lips to your forehead. 

“Now we have all the time in the world… after we get our asses handed to us for deliberately disobeying orders,” he said, pulling away when he noticed Cyclone approaching and you chuckled as you looked over your shoulder.

“Hey, if we get dishonorably discharged at least we’re alive and have each other, right?” 

“That’s all we need.”

ONE YEAR LATER

“Cheers to the one year anniversary of Dagger Squad,” Phoenix said as all of your glasses clinked together and you couldn’t wipe the smile from your face as you looked around the room at your team.

“And begrudgingly, cheers to Cyclone who, in his own words, completely disagreed with our tactics and lack of respect for authority, but couldn’t deny the overall effectiveness of our squad,” you added as everyone laughed and you leaned into Jake beside you. “Happy Dagger-versary everyone.”

“Cheers!” everyone shouted as you sank back into your previous conversations and you looked up at Jake as you took a sip of your beer.

“It’s our one year too,” you pointed out and he smirked down at you.

“Don’t you worry, sunshine, I’ve got a whole thing planned,” he said and you smiled as

you rested your head against his chest. “How lucky am I to have had you following me around for the majority of my life?”

You pulled away and playfully hit his arm, “when you say it like that it makes me sound so juvenile!” you protested and he just laughed.

“Hey, those are your words. Besides, you’re the one who followed me into the Navy…”

“And hid from you for eight years!” you said, pretending to be mad but your laughter gave you away.

“It’s okay, you just wanted to follow in the footsteps of the greatest pilot in the world. No one could ever blame you for that.” he teased.

“Are you conveniently forgetting you admitted I was the better pilot?”

“Yeah, but then I saved your life, so…” you narrowed your eyes before leaning up to peck his lips.

“Thanks for that, by the way.” 

“Anytime, sunshine… anytime.”

taglist: @callsignspirit @thegodessc @failuretothrivestuff @olliepig @cruelmissdior @underaveragefangirl @grxcieluvr @amatswimming @camilaricci @nolita-fairytale @dempy @pinkpantheris @aviatorobsessed @tiredqueen73 @pono-pura-vida @binnieslove @nik2blog @waklman @abaker74 @halstead-severide-fan @percysaidnever @memeorydotcom @eli2447 @dumb-fawkin-bitch @djs8891 @Genius2050 @stargazer-88 @chloeforde @kmc1989 @casa-boiardi (if your name is struck through it means I couldn't tag you - sorry!)

[eternalsams]

Forgiveget Me -> personal vent

A/n: this is a personal ramble, vent, call it whatever you want. What you're about to read is a true personal story that happened to me a few weeks ago and in view of moving on from this, I decided to use my 'writing skills' to get the feelings out.

I am very proud of this because it was hard to go through this kind of event, this is something nobody deserves to go through so I also post this for everyone who might have lived something similar to tell them they're not alone and that their feelings are valid. You deserve closure just as much as I do, this is my way to get one.

As I'm posting this, I'm in a better place and even though I still have lots of mixed feelings about this situation, I've had multiple conversations with the other person and I will forever be grateful for them to help me with my communication. As I often say, communication is key, whatever you're feeling.

I tried being a little poetic in there, I hope it's not as cringe as I think it might be. So, enjoy!

Our meet cute never happened. Another hand used to hold yours when I first talked to you. When I first laughed with you. And yet I knew I liked you. You left and I almost forgot about you. Maybe it would've been better. Maybe you should've stayed out of my life. But you didn't. You stormed back in and I was so glad. Because above all that, you were a friend. Until that night. You were as lonely as I was and we found company in each other. We talked until late, we laughed about everything and nothing. And from that night I knew I was doomed. You couldn't be mine. Your hand started holding mine but nothing more could happen.

Maybe it was a "right person, wrong time" kind of thing. Maybe we just weren't meant for each other.

But you still held my hand, wrapped your arms around me, maybe you even kissed my head. I don't remember. Or maybe I would've wanted you to. I definitely wanted to kiss you. Wanted to hold you so close we might become one. You were the first one to make me feel so weak. The first one to hold my hand, to wrap your arms around me like you wanted me by your side forever. Forever ended sooner than I thought. You held me until our last moment together. Until I had to leave. It felt as if I had to leave the country because I knew even then you wouldn't hold my hand for long after that. But you held on for longer than I thought.

For months, your hand only held your phone when mine was sending you a text. I thought I was losing you multiple times but you were quick to reassure me, strengthening my trust and blinding me a bit more every time. I felt like I was falling hard and fast, only to land on the softest cloud. One day, my little cousin asked me if I had a boyfriend. And I said 'yes' because that's what you were to me. In a child's mind, it's not different if you're in love or not, it's all the same. You were my sweetheart. The one that made me blush looking at my phone. The one calling me pretty when I didn't feel like it. You were my everything.

And then you started taking your distance.

I didn't say anything. You were not mine to keep. But I definitely was yours. I had been yours since the first time you held my hand. Before you even called me beautiful. Before your arm wrapped around my waist to keep me close. I was entirely yours. I knew something was wrong when you stopped being flirty. When you only told me about your days and you stopped teasing me. I tried giving you some space, some time. But it hurt too much to do long, so I completely doomed myself. 'We need to talk'. I knew those words would hurt like hell if I ever received them. But nobody told me how hard it would be to press 'send' after writing them. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. Maybe I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't send this text. But I did. And maybe that's when our story needed to end.

When you told me you started holding another hand.

It broke something in me, maybe not my heart but definitely my trust. When I specifically told you I trusted you to tell me whenever you'd need to let go of my hand, ou said nothing. You lied. And that broke something in me. But how could I ever be mad? You weren't mine. You were free. I was not. You still held my heart in your hand and you'll probably always have a part of it with you wherever you go. You started holding her hand a few weeks ago, as you told me. But how could I ever put my trust in your words again? You said you were lost in your feelings but so was I. You were my everything and you just threw my hand away. At least, that's how it felt. I had done so much for you, shared so much, trusted too much. I said "I need time", you said "okay". You then asked if I was mad and at first I didn't lie. Even with everything we went through, I just couldn't be mad at you. But that truth became a lie when the shock faded away. I was so mad, so angry. How could you do that to me when all I've done was being honest with you? How could have I trusted you so easily? I was mad at myself for letting my guards down the moment you first looked at me with those eyes.

You were not different from the others. You all end up lying and breaking my trust. But you aimed higher and broke my heart in the process. I would've appreciated giving you the credit of being the first one, but that would be lying. It's not a surprise I loved you more than you did me, I got used to it. But I didn't expect it to be that painful whenever reality would've caught with me. I was done blaming myself, you were the one who cheated in our game. Not me. Not her. And that's why I couldn't even be mad at her. She didn't know. She thought she was holding a lonely hand when in fact I was there. Not completely, but I just couldn't let go of your hand.

I loved holding it, squeezing my fingers in between yours and feeling you squeeze in return. I miss this. I miss feeling you close to me, feeling your eyes looking at me with so much adoration and interest. I miss blushing because of the sweet words you'd tell me whenever I'd cross your gaze. I miss you.

And I know that even if you want me back, it would never be the same. I could never love you the way I loved you, talk to you the way I used to. Not because I don't want to. But because I couldn't, I wouldn't let myself. You broke something in me that day that will never be the same. You broke my trust, my faith, my self-confidence, you broke my heart. And I will never forgive you for that. No time, no patience will ever bring it back.

I will always accept your apologies because I know I deserve them, but you'll never hear me say "I forgive you". Because I don't.

tag list (people who interacted with the announcement of this vent and friends): @books4ever03 @shanimallina87 @hangmansgbaby @top-hhun-main @roosterforme @rawecreek @hookslove1592 @virgosunbaby

[oh-a-very-toxic-octopus]

Okay, Discord buds got my drunken real-time rant about this, but it needs immortalising here for future me's sake.

Years ago, my dad bought a motorcycle trailer.

Or claims he did. I'd argue he bought a bit of scrap metal on wheels. Someone grabbed a fistful of box section and a bit of checkerplate and weld-bolted it all together into the most rickety piece of shit trailer-shaped rack you can possibly imagine.

It creaks if you even look at it. The floor plates don't line up properly; my dad has fallen off this trailer while loading it.

To further highlight the lunacy of keeping this thing, let me add that my dad's bike, the Triumph T160 he and my mum bought new decades ago, has appreciated wildly as a classic and is now worth over £10k. He is loading a £10k motorbike onto a trailer worth £3.50.

I have been ragging on this thing forever. Jim tries to be polite around my parents, but whenever he glimpses this trailer he has to do the turn away/headshake combo and then text me his complaints as 10-20 single-line messages sent over the next half-hour. It's law.

This is my dad revealing another foible of the trailer on the morning of The Event.

Yesterday, my dad drove from London to Anglesey. On sheer distance alone, this trip's worthy of an exacting check of your vehicle and trailer before you set off, but the tail end of the drive cuts through Eryri, the most mountainous bit of Wales, too. The area is remote and the roads are a little dangerous. You have to be prepared.

My dad, unprepared, sets off at around three. At half eight, I'm at home eating an omelette and having an important conversation with Jim about my mum-derived Clothes Trauma. It's taken a lot of gin to get me to this point. This is the most I've had to drink in months and I'm a little out of control, but it's cool, we needed this talk, I think it's putting my weird behaviour in context in a way that'll help him help me.

And then I get a call.

Jim's theory is that we've swapped roles with our parents. We're the dull ones with our full-time jobs and our eye on money and our strict preplanned schedules. Our parents are aimless and doing roughly whatever tf they want, and occasionally they need us to drop everything and bail them out.

This is an accurate take, the phone call reveals.

My dad's broken down short of Bangor. He's stuck on a high windswept road in the pissing rain without a rain jacket. It's a narrow road without a layby or any accessible hard shoulder; his car is parked in its lane with the hazards on, and everyone else has to detour around him. As this is Wales, the narrowness of the road means nothing: it's still a major trunk road and there are lorries blasting by. He is quite upset. He needs us to come rescue him.

We're on the far side of Eryri, 66 miles/an hour and a half away. I'm too drunk to drive, so Jim's roped in, even though he needs to be up for work at six tomorrow morning. My dad's mobile signal is appalling and he keeps dropping out of calls; I have to explain to him that he should use his phone's phone function instead of calling through WhatsApp before we even get the gist of what's gone wrong.

Which is this:

he left home without a jack

or the right socket to fit his wheelnuts

and a known slow puncture in one of the trailer's tyres.

His slow puncture has become a flat, and his planned method of pumping it up again hasn't worked. Thanks to the impeccable design of the trailer-shaped scrap, he can't get at the spare while he has a motorbike loaded up.

It's the most predictable and avoidable breakdown since that one time I forgot to fit a new split link when changing my motorbike chain and the whole thing poinged off outside Aldi. And at least my issue was memory and not a conscious decision to be an idiot.

Anyway, we set out. Important beats:

We lack the diesel to get there without a stop, which is always interesting in North Wales at night. The fuel station in Betws-y-Coed saves us. Thank you Shell. About halfway through the drive, my dad calls again to say he's found his 17mm socket at last and has successfully crawled under the trailer and retrieved the spare, but can't swap the wheels without a jack.

(Having since sobered up and had a good look at the photos, I wonder how the hell he got under there. The trailer sits incredibly low and he's pulled up against the kerb, so how did he get under there? Lying in the road?)

And so we find him, halfway up a mountain road in the rain and wind and dark.

The wind's so wild it almost ploughs my door into that stone wall. As we're putting out our emergency triangle and letting the Ranger's rear chevrons do some work, I am drunk but still struck by how dumb this really is. My dad confesses he got too cold at one point and had to shiver himself warm in the car with the engine on and the heated seats going. He is seventy-odd, for context.

With our jack, it takes approximately three minutes to fit the spare.

He heads off, we head home. The satnav suggests we'll be back by ten past midnight but it's more like twenty-five past.

There's not really a point to this whole rambling post. Carry a jack, obviously. That's not a lesson anyone should have to learn, which has been the running theme of 2023 so far: things go wrong and we learn nothing.

But on less of a down note, things go wrong, we learn nothing, and I get to spend an evening bopping in the car with my long-suffering yet still awesome partner, who, after a lot of gin and a lot of driving, now 100% grasps what my parents are like.

We also got to look very cool and patient and reliable in an emergency. I like it.

[disastardly]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @hereforanepilogue!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 16, with more on my mostly-abandoned FF.net account

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 163,682 (and about ~200k more unpublished in my WIP folder)

3. What fandoms do you write for? Right now the big one is Stranger Things but my forever fandom is Power Rangers/Sentai/Kamen Rider. I've also written for Psych, Doctor Who, and Supernatural. (Most of my SPN and DW stuff is sequestered to my FF account.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Descent into the Depths of the Earth (Or at Least Milwaukee) (1093)

To Find a King (869)

Dream On (112)

In the Mood (112)

Cold Hard Bitch (104)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I really try to, but sometimes it gets away from me and I worry it's been too long since they left the comment, and it turns into a whole thing (in my head ofc).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Descent, easily. The post kiss freakout being resolved in another fic? When the fic was originally going to end very differently? Yeaaaaaaah.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Toss up between TFaK (fully resolving's Descent's angsty ending) or California (literally a mini-fic about the OTP getting married).

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not so far?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have, mainly some pretty straightforward m/m stuff. A few funkier attempts swim around my WIP folder, almost certainly never to see the light of day.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I've written a lot of subtle crossovers, but only two overt ones, and I think the craziest would be the Doctor Who/Office one I wrote back in high school. Dwight is a Dalek!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? If anyone has, they didn't ask or tell me (or it's been long enough that I forgot).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have not!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? At this point, feels safe to say Maddie/Nick, even if that's at least 75% my own interpretations and projections. Destiel, Shassie, and Steddie are pretty darn close, especially Destiel, even if I haven't been involved in that fandom in over a decade.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? A few of my orphaned fics on FF.net will probably never see the light of day, as well as some of the half-formed works in my current WIP folder. Technically have the finished final chapter of Magical Mysteries but no motivation to edit, so still holding hope for that one.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, I think. I spend a lot of time trying to imagine the scenes I write and hear the dialogue how I think the actors would deliver it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Conciseness, clearly. Takes a lot of self-editing to wrangle a story to a manageable, clear narrative.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've done bits and pieces of it here and there, mainly with the like five languages that I can double-check against my own thin linguistic knowledge.

19. First fandom you wrote for? if you dig back far enough, pretty sure it was Pokemon on the Bulbagarden forums

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Descent, easily. Despite the angsty ending, it was fun to write a slice of life centered on two characters I love, going to an event I love even more.

no pressure tags for @eriquin @serpentinegraphite and whoever else sees this, go wild

[peppapiglover]

I had a pretty productive day playing sdv today!! 😄 For context I am currently Winter 16, Year 3

Winter 11 - got my first ancient fruit!! I found an ancient fruit artifact back during Year 1 - I gave it to Gunther & he gave me a single seed but my dumbass assumed that ancient fruit seeds are a one-time harvest & I would have to keep replanting them (I confused them for starfruit...) so bc of that assumption, I never bothered planting my ancient fruit seed. I was scared it'd take me forever to get a second seed (my dumbass fr forgot the seed maker exists) but at the end of fall, I was like "yolo, I'll just plant it & see if anything good comes out of it 🤷" It's been growing ever since then but Winter 11, I got my first harvest ❤️ I put it into the seed maker & it gave me back 2 more seeds so those are growing now. My greenhouse is strawberries only but I plan to replace them with ancient fruit. I've been told the game feels too easy and boring once I start growing ancient seeds so that's something I'm concerned about. But I'm also aiming for 100% perfection so idkkkk. I plan on making a new save after completion to keep myself from getting bored with sdv but I also need the 10mil clock for perfection, & the fruit would help financially. so idk!!! I'm worried but not worried

Winter 11 - First prismatic shard drop in the caverns! I've earned two prismatic shards before. One found in a mystic stone in the quarry, and my second from reaching the top of the volcano dungeon. But I've never gotten any rare drops like this one during a cavern run so this was definitely exciting. I have been avoiding the Skull Caverns for literally foreverrrrr. The ONLY reason why I bothered going into the caverns was because I need dino mayo for the missing bundle, and ig dino eggs are better dropped in the caverns... I'm still very new to skull caverns so I was not expecting to get one this early and it made my night!! I got this one on floor 48 I think, which adds to the excitement bc all the bad drops are at these levels

Winter 13 - I finally did all of Mr. Qi's quests (just like skull caverns, I've been too terrified of doing anything Qi related so I've been avoiding him LIKE THE PLAGUE.) I was finally allowed access to the casino and I dunno why I was ever scared bc he honestly seems cool af (but yes im still scared of him for some reason)

Winter 14 - my first time seeing the 10 heart event with Harvey 🥺 HONESTLY........... I like Harvey. I think he's adorable........ but I cannot bring myself to LOVE him. I can't! I want to join the Harvey hype train so bad but I JUST CANT. He's missing that little something, that oomf, that I need to be able to love him. Plus, he's the town doctor and IDK the patient/doctor situation does not help. But I like his character!! And his cutscene was so cute!! I myself can't see romance with Harvey, but it's fine, I'm loyal to my beloved emo frog boy 💙

Winter 15 - I got another two prismatic shards from omni-geodes! I had about 110 geodes from the skull caverns (I did not realize how easy it is to get them from the skull caverns) so I spent that morning bouncing between my farm and Clint's. I donated one to the missing bundle and the second to Gunther

Definitely a productive day!! My to-do list for tomorrow is super long too

[blushing-titan]

My thoughts on ch. 139

Some of you may be familiar with my previous writings - I usually try to stay as collected as possible, but today's post will be different. Ever since the chapter came out, I've been reblogging a lot of rants and memes about it. Those of you who follow my blog (thank you so much, really happy to have you here! ❤) know that I didn't really enjoy this ending. I want to elaborate more on that in this post - my only advice is to buckle up, because today we may get a bit heated (I apologize in advance for the sassy approach - I usually try to stray away from that, but guess today's post is more of a stream of conciousness/rant) :'D

1. Ymir

Starting up with one of the most controversial things about this chapter. Up to this point, I felt really bad for Ymir. Her life was terrible - she was a young girl, who was enslaved and abused by king Shitz Fritz. After she was forced to run away from his hounds, she acquired the power of titans and used it to help the king's cause. For that, she was awarded with the king's seed (🤢), and eventually became a mother of three girls. Through her entire life, she was treated as a slave and a lesser-being by the king - she also died while protecting him, and her daughters were forced to eat her remains after that (🤢🤢).

It felt so tragic to see her 2000 years later, still walking blindly in the paths. It wasn't enough that she was hurt so badly when she was still alive - she remained enslaved to the abusive king even after she died. I was rooting for her to finally be freed from this nightmare - hence I was so happy when ch. 122 came out and we got this scene:

I was genuinely emotional when I saw her reaction. Finally, someone expressed some authentic care for her and tried to snap her out of this blind state. She would finally think about what she wants and try to free herself from the paths because, as Eren said, she was never a slave or a goddess - just a regular person. It's just like she finally let out all the pain that she's been suppressing for all these years.

Yeah...except, as it turns out, her awakening here changes nothing. She doesn't come to any conclusions, like, perhaps, that she doesn’t want to let herself be hurt and mistreated any longer...or that she should fight for herself, try to change her fate - because, after all, her life belongs to her - not anyone else.

Nothing like this happens. Why? Because, as it turns out, she's in love with king Fritz and needs to be proven by Mikasa that she can break this bond first.

....

💀💀💀💀

Excuse me, but...what?

Okay, first and foremost...am I supposed to believe that, during these 2000 years, no one else has gone against their unhealthy affection to someone toxic and unworthy of their love? No one? 🤡 Come on, we even saw that happen in the manga. What about Historia, who thought that her own mother hitting her was a sign of love? Who wanted to believe that her father was good, despite wanting to turn her into a titan? Where was Ymir when Historia stood up for herself against her father's wishes? Or when she flew up to him and delivered the final blow against him?

On top of that...what a disappointing conclusion to Ymir's story. I hoped that she would take her fate into her own hands, and - for example - be reborn and experience life as a free person, surrounded by people who actually care about her. Free herself from paths and destroy it - not because someone shows her that she can indeed detach herself from it, but simply because she wants to.

Instead, 80% of the world population is gone, because she needed to see that Mikasa is able to "free" herself from Eren in order to do the same.

🤡🤡🤡

2. Abandoned plotlines and plot-holes

Mikasa being a Hizuru princess? Never heard of that. Hallucigenia's fate? Who cares. Eren directing Dina's titan in Carla's direction in order to save Berthold? Nah, who would want any more info on that - guess he just couldn't direct her anywhere else. The Ackerman's headaches? Pfff. The fact that Mikasa shouldn't be affected by the memory altering, but somehow still is in the ending? "I guess she just forgot that she should be immune to this". Why was Historia's pregnancy implied as relevant if it wasn't in the end? So many precious panels wasted on that, when they could be used to help solve some other "unanswered questions" instead. Ehhh...🤷

3. Blatant character assassination

There, I'm saying it once again. I have no idea what happened in this chapter but the characters are off. What about Eren - the one who has always believed that freedom was his birthright, and has been fighting and moving forward for his goals? Yeah, turns out he has no idea why he was doing all of that. 

Remember Kenny's quote - everyone is a slave to something? I thought that this implication was pretty poetic in context of Eren's character. Through all his life, he sought freedom, but ironically, he was a slave to that dream...

...turns out it may have been a bit too poetic for this story because Eren is a slave to destiny. Literally - he's going on auto-pilot in order to reach that one moment in which Mikasa beheads him, so Ymir can watch and understand that she can do the same.

Nice joke...except not. Here go our main character's motivations 🗑

He casually commits unjustifiable crimes against humanity - not because he wants to be free or because he found the world beyond the walls disappointing, (...as we were led to believe). He did that because he doesn't know why - and then, he cries that he doesn't want Mikasa to ever find another guy.

:'))

Turns out Eren was somehow always in love with her too...? Yeah, weird way of showing it. Or should I say - not showing it at all.

If you read my previous writings, you know that I'm not very fond of Eremika. The way I interpreted it while reading the story: it was unhealthy, suffocating and one-sided. I hoped for Mikasa to move on and start thinking about herself for once.

Right, what about Mikasa? Has she finally moved on? Is she content with her life? Are her dreams coming true? What's her daily life after all this? Sadly, I don't have the answers. The thing we are shown instead, is how she's sitting next to Eren's grave and, once again, thanking him for wraping the scarf around her. The only thing that implies that she may be somehow still seeing other people is one bubble of text. After all 139 chapters of hoping for her character developement, that's it.

Keep in mind that all other characters are shown together - with their spouses, families and friends - yet Mikasa is still separated and alone. That's right - after she disappears with Eren's head, she's not shown with anyone else until the end of the manga.

While we're on the topic of others, too...do I have to talk about the scenes in which everyone shows some level of gratitude to Eren...for wiping 80% humanity for them? Because I have no words for this.

One last note: I found the humor to be slightly out of place, too. Seriously, after all these terrible events, with so many unanswered questions and character developement of these two...Reiner is still weirdly simping for (now married) Historia and Jean is called a horse face :') Idk, but it feels somehow surreal after everything that's happened.

4. Conclusion

What else can I say...the final chapter disappointed me and I'm pretty sad about it. I'm happy for the people who liked it, but also can't help but feel like it was very far from perfect. I've been following SnK ever since 2013 and it's a bittersweet moment for me. The series had a lot of amazing moments that I'll definitely remember forever. Meanwhile, I would like to read some of the author's thoughts about the way he chose to end the story - perhaps it would clear some confusion (...although I can't help the fact that my first opinion is already formed).

Thank you very much for reading my thoughts - as always, it means a lot to me! ❤ The images used in this post are obviously not mine!

[razberryyum]

TGCF donghua Episode 9 Thoughts (SPOILERS! for episode and novel)

I've heard of the words Sinner's Pit a while back, probably when I first heard of TGCF, but it wasn't until a couple weeks ago when I started reading the book that I finally understood what they meant, and why it was an event in the saga of HuaLian. Even though I've only been acquainted with it for such a short period of time, I still teared up when watching the scene, so I can only imagine how much more emotional this moment was for fellow fans who have been waiting years to see it. I really hope it lived up to everyone's expectations cuz it kinda blew my mind.

When the episode was delayed in its broadcast I actually felt dread, since I immediately assumed that the HuaLian Sinner's Pit scenes didn't pass the restrictions and it was going to be edited to death or worse yet, completely cut out. Thank God that was not the case. I was looking forward to much groppage of Hua Cheng from Dianxia, and that's exactly what I got...with an extra large dose of romance too thanks to the amazing score. If anything was left out in the scene I sure couldn't tell nor did I feel anything was missing.

I've watched countless fall and rescue scenes in cdramas, to the degree that sometimes it feels like it's a required element in romance cdramas, and of course it's usually the woman in the couple falling from somewhere and the man coming to her rescue and catching her. And they're usually so poorly done that I either eyeroll so hard my eyes feel like they're gonna pop out of their sockets or I feel almost nauseated from the cheesiness.

But the donghua did it PERFECTLY. Those stupidass cdramas should learn from them. HuaLian's fall and catch scene was paced just right, scored just right, shot just right...simple PERFECTION. Not at all cheesy or cringey, utterly sublime...and everything that followed between them was utterly sublime as well.

Talk about another perfectly captured scene. I loved this line. So sweet and wonderful. No wonder Hua Cheng's in love with this man.

Btw, I know it says friendship, but just in case anyone's worried the donghua is trying to friendzone HuaLian, those Chinese characters can just be a general way of saying getting along, usually in a friendly way, but it's not as friend zone-y as it sounds. Although, I doubt anyone actually watching the show and paying attention to it would even think Hua Cheng only wants to be bro-friends with Xie Lian.

I mean, I guessss bros can be touchy feely and eyefuck eyelove each other all the time, but I would personally like to meet them bros like that.

Also, not fair of the donghua team to cuteify these boys even more. My poor heart almost couldn't take it. Too adorable!!

Honestly, after that HuaLian-ful sequence, my brain was barely able to register anything else. Doesn't help that I already know how things will resolve in terms of this mystery. I am mostly looking forward to how the "new" characters whom are being introduced to looks and how they will bring to life certain non-HuaLian related events that sounded dramatic or even epic in writing.

For example the Banyue Guoshi...was totally not expecting her to look this adorable. She looks so innocent and pretty, who in their right mind would bully such a beautiful little girl??

Although, when she is on the attack, she definitely does feel like a wraith bringing instant death upon her victims. This was so beautifully animated: it looked both terrifying and truly impressive.

Lastly:

Hiiii puppyyyyy!!!! Nice to finally meet you!! Who's a good boy?? 😂 E-Ming's a total cutie pie and his first appearance was cool AF too. I freaked out a little.

OMG I almost forgot!! I LOVE the new ED theme!!! I hope they release an official MV for it soon!

~

NOVEL SPOILERS

Current Reading Progress: finished book 1, currently in book 2, knee-deep in Yong'an famine crisis. Every HuaLian interaction is a treasure, I know I didn't mention them at all last week but pretty much every time they meet up again I scream a bit. The temple scene, when Dianxia told chibi HC to live for him, got me so emotional (I also really want to hug little HC and protect him forever). Seriously felt like I finally reached some kind of important milestone since I read that line somewhere even before I even knew who or what HuaLian was. I don't know how many seasons of the donghua we'll be blessed with, but if we don't get as far as Dianxia's past, then I do hope we at least get to see Ghost City, Gambler's Den, Paradise Manor,and Qi Rong's cave. I can imagine getting into some of that next season but unless it's a long one, I doubt we'd be able to see all of it in one season.

And also, I don't think I love Qi Rong anymore. He really is a bad, bad boy...and not in the sexy way, but more in the holy shit you really are fucked up way.

Finally, the Yong'an thing... I'm already bracing myself. I could be wrong but I already see how that could lead to Xianle's downfall. The knives are probably coming, huh?

TGCF novel translation can be found at: https://tgcfmxtx.carrd.co/

[world-of-amyc]

Another person to unfriend me

What did I do that was so bad you had to remove me so quickly?

Are you really that shallow? That emotional?

I don't understand the hesitancy

Did you satisfy your curious mind?

Am I not what you imagined?

Sorry my looks aren't everything

I barely identify with my outer self

I look in the mirror and think oh yeah that's what I look like

My face doesn't match my soul

But that's okay

I'm not here to please you.

After the four relationships and numerous flings it's made me realize love isn't everything

We are programmed into thinking we need marriage kids relationships at an early age and it's up to us to figure out what we really want after making mistakes and realizing you don't know why you're doing something in the first place

I'm sure most of us humans are clueless

It's the blind leading the blind.

Babies raising babies.

And for what

To continue this endless cycle called life so we don't get endangered.

What if life is the real curse

And we're just tricked into thinking we need to be here on this plane of existence.

I don't remember anything before a little voice in my head said:

where am I really?

who am I?

why am I here?

(at the age of about 5)

Ever since then I've questioned everything. I've relied on my gut to lead me in the best possible direction I could or so I hoped.

The more I think of it the more unnatural love seems. Two people together for life? Is that realistic? People don't want to commit. People don't want to trust. People don't want to make effort.

What is it people really want? What are they surviving for?

Is life meaningless or meaningful and how did you come to that conclusion?

To me it's all signs, symbols and desires.

Life doesn't have to have meaning but people feel it's necessary to find meaning.

People pour their emotions into their surroundings, what they eat, what they consume and who they consult.

Humans seem to be constantly providing therapy for themselves through life.

Life is life.

Dreams are just as real as this world because I experience them and all the other senses just like being awake in our bodies.

When I was younger I saw an army man standing at the door opening to my bathroom. He just stood there. I'm not sure what that was about but I do remember that event.

I remember astral projecting from jumping off the end of my bed and floating towards the ceiling while my parents walked up and down the hall.

I vaguely remember going manic and forgetting who I was, where I was and what my gender was.

I remember getting so lost in a relationship that I forgot who I was to the core

I've had to pick up, move, and restart countless times.

I've lost many people I thought would be around forever.

Most with no explanation.

I've had people try to catfish me and I've had people not be honest that they were in relationships.

Of course I've been cheated on

I've been assaulted

I've had failed pregnancies

I've lost loved ones and loved pets.

I've had to give up pets I loved.

Life has been rough but it's not anything I can't live through.

It would just be nice to not be left in the dark so much.

[runeterrankhaleesi]

I've been seeing a lot about OC's lately, so I figured I'd share one of mine too. Long ask incoming. Just a warning, this is super dark at times. Cue suicidal ideations, for instance.

Her name's Tamara. She's nothing special, just a human from one of the wandering tribes of Shurima. A bit tan, brown eyes and black hair. She was friends with Akshan until he died because after that traumatizing event her family quickly left the city and haven't looked back ever since. When she was 15, she and her family (mother, father and two older brothers) decided to move out at some point and got aboard a ship that sailed first towards Valoran, then in Ionia's general direction. In a storm they strayed from the course and got a bit lost at the sea, which gave them an unpleasant meeting with a pirate ship later. One that resulted in the ship catching fire and beginning to sink. Tamara got out but her family was stuck under the deck. In the end, she jumped and got a hold of some piece of wood to save herself from drowning. The ship went down along with everyone on board. Tamara drifted for three days, blaming herself for the death of her family, telling herself she could've went back for them and got the door unstuck from the outside but she was too afraid. Basically, she sees herself as their killer. After three days on the sea, hypothermic, dehydrated and starving, she was miraculously discovered by a crew of monster hunters. One of the harpooners got her on board and they sailed for Bilgewater.

There, the same harpooner gave her a couple of coins to help her start anew once she said she has no one left. Tamara ended up working for some inn, mildly horrified by the.. way of being of people around her. Her savior sometimes would swing by for a drink after work and soon they became friends. And good for her because with him around, nobody dared to so much as leer at her. Through the next couple years, Tamara struggled with survivor's guilt but slowly recovered. Until one faithful day when her only friend in this godforsaken place - Pyke - did not return from the hunt.

Heartbroken and scared, Tamara (19 at the time) started to think she angered something up there and that she brings bad luck to those associated with her in any way. Unable to escape from Bilgewater, she stayed where she worked but in constant fear of the people coming to the inn, especially the drunk ones. For another year, she tried to deal with nightmares of her family's screams and the image of Pyke drowning or being chomped in half by some sea creature.

She never was brave enough to end herself. Every time something was stopping her. And when a murderer started to stalk the nooks and crannies of Blood Harbor, she saw it as a chance. Oddly enough, even going through the darkest paths in the town in the dead of night, she never managed to meet the Ripper.

While she was too scared to do this herself, she did often try to put herself in harm's way, hoping someone would do it for her. And she almost, just almost got her wish when Harrowing came as it did every year. This time, instead of hiding, she walked into the middle of it. And in the swirling coils of the Black Mist she caught the Warden's eye. It kind of surprised him that a simple mortal didn't run but fearlessly walked straight towards him. She pretty much served herself on a silver platter, which was a bit disappointing. Not that he's complaining, besides, he found her intriguing. At first.

Tamara was taken by the wraith to Shadow Isles and placed within magical wards of an underground vault where the Mist couldn't drain her of her life. Shackled and unwilling to escape, she stayed there as Thresh's newest toy. I'm not gonna describe all the torture, that's really not necessary. In any way, despite her life turning into hell, she thought she deserved everything the Warden did to her (for the "murder" of her family and "bringing death" upon her only remaining friend). Once, before she passed out while she was sure she's dying, she even thanked him which just blew his mind. Afterwards, Thresh performed an experiment. Left everything open, seeing if Tamara would take a chance and flee. Then he would get the chase he wanted.

Nah. Tamara stayed where she was, impatient for the wraith to finally finish her off. Breaking an already broken soul brought Thresh no enjoyment so he eventually grew bored with her and kinda forgot about her, looking for someone more entertaining. Time on Shadow Isles doesn't really flow (my personal headcanon) so she had no need for sustenance and it gave her weeks to ponder over her current position. Thinking if all victims if the Mist had to go through the same pain that was inflicted upon her, if Thresh will ever come back to "add her to his collection" and so on.

He didn't. Instead, someone else did. A grim Sentinel of Light who hunted creatures such as Thresh. It was bizarre to find a living human on Shadow Isles and he figured she must be a captive. Promising to come back, he asked if she'd seen Thresh anywhere nearby and she reluctantly said it's been weeks since he gave her any attention. And the man - Lucian - did come back. Beaten up and tired, with another woman at his side. The two Sentinels took Tamara along. During her imprisonment, she learned a lot about the spirits and the Mist and stuff (also managed to get herself slightly cursed, not as much as Senna but still) and it made her useful. Lucian was kind of skeptical about letting her out. "Thresh will come after her again anyway." But she assured him that it won't happen. The Warden lost all interest in her after she refused to fight for her freedom. To him, she was bleak and boring. He had no reason to hunt her down again.

Senna and Lucian gave Tamara new hope by taking her in and even if her fear and guilt still remained, she started to see what an awful mistake she almost made. After the whole Viego thing that was seen in the cinematic, Tamara was sheltered in the Headquarters. And for the first time she felt the urge to be useful. No one should suffer like those lost within the Mist and those taken by it like she was. And so she joined the Sentinels' cause to stop the Harrowing from spreading.

Little did she know that their mission together will one day bring a soul crushing reunion with two people she thought lost forever. One, barely changed from when she knew him. The other.. sadly a vengeful shadow of the man who saved her at the sea. But that's a story for another time.

Darling, you should be working at Riot right now, this story is amazing!

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Trials of Emi

Pairing: A little Minho. A sprinkle of Frypan. Gally x Emi(OC)

Summary: Emi, her twin brother Thomas, and a small group of gladers had been rescued and taken to a safe haven. Or so it seemed. It doesn't take long for Thomas to realize something is wrong. What happens next is a true trial for all of them but Emi's trials began the moment she was ripped away from a dying Gally. Watching someone you love die right before your eyes truly takes a toll.

Finally meeting the right arm could have been the end but betrayal leads to even more chaos and loss. A new mission to rescue those taken from them leads them to a city. The last city. After Emi finally comes to terms with everything that's happened something unfolds that changes everything again. She will have to not only deal with helping her brother take down WCKD and save their friend but also deal with all the new problems in her head and her heart.

Rating: As of right now it’s at most PG13. Some strong language that’s about it but it could change.

(This is the 2nd part/book to my other story "The Maze trials: A Gally Fanfiction". This will cover the events of the scorch trails and the death cure.)

Chapter Sixteen

We followed Gally through the crowded building. Thomas was walking next to him with Newt and Brenda right behind them. Fry and I were the next in line. Fry was still holding my hand to keep me next to him. Jorge pulled up the rear behind us.

"After the maze, I got picked up by a group headed to the city. They realized I was immune, patched me up, and brought me here to Lawrence. His troops have been at war with WCKD ever since they took control of the city. WCKD can't hide behind those walls forever. The day's gonna come and their gonna pay for what they've done." Gally explained as we walked.

We stopped at the end of the hall we were in. Gally turned to face us.

"Listen, uh, he doesn't get a lot of visitors. So, let me do the talking alright? Try not to stare." Gally said then turned to walk again.

We followed behind him to the end of this hall then down a set of stairs into what looked like some kind of living area. Two men were standing at the end of the room by some homemade garden.

"Gally, glad to see you made it back. Jasper told me about what happened." One of the men said.

He seemed to be playing with a flower. He was hooked to some kind of wire that was attached to a metal pole on wheels.

"It was a slaughter. There's nothing we could do against those guns." Gally told the man.

"No, but they can only poke the hornet's nest so long before they get stung. Who are these people? Why are they here?" The man asked without looking at any of us.

"We need to get into WCKD. Gally said you can get us threw the walls." Thomas stepped forward to stand next to Gally.

"Gally should know better than make promises he can't keep. Besides, that wall is only half your problem. Getting inside WCKD is impossible." The man said.

"There might be a way now. It doesn't work without Thomas." Gally said.

"Is that so?" The man asked turning towards us.

His face was still hidden from the light streaming through the windows behind him. He walked forward toward Thomas. The light hit his face. I had to bite my lip to keep from gasping. He was a crank. At least he looked like one. He stopped right in front of Thomas. He leaned forward putting his face only an inch from Thomas.

"Do you know what I am Thomas?" He leaned back.

"I am a businessman which means I don't take unnecessary risks. Why should I trust you?" He asked narrowing his eyes at Thomas.

"Cause I can help you. You see, if you can get me through those walls I can get you what you need." Thomas told him.

"And what is it that you think I need?" He asked slowly.

Thomas looked at the IV like set up the man had next to him.

"Time. Every last drop." Thomas told him.

The man chuckled then glanced at his IV.

"Is that what I need?" He asked.

"WCKD has something we both want." Thomas said simply.

"I'll tell you what. Two can go for now the rest stay here with me. Just a little insurance to make sure you find your way back. Do we have a deal?" The man extended his hand to Thomas.

Thomas looked at it for a second then shook it.

"Gally, show them the way." The man said with a hint of a smile.

We followed Gally into another open room. In the middle was an old metal cover on the ground.

"Who's going?" Gally asked Thomas.

"Newt and I will go. Fry, you keep an eye on Emi for me." Thomas ordered.

Gally looked up to me raising an eyebrow.

"Tommy you damn well know I don't need a baby sitter." I said harshly.

Thomas stepped over to me. He grabbed each side of my face making sure I only looked at him.

"I know you can protect yourself but until I know for sure that this situation is trustworthy I'd rather you have someone else looking out for you. I don't think your mind is exactly clear right now." He said softly.

I pulled his hands away from me as I scoffed.

"Of course my head isn't clear! I woke up this morning knowing that man was dead!" I pointed at Gally but kept my eyes on my brother.

"Emi" Gally said softly.

"Just go Thomas. I'm not gonna have a damn break down." I said harshly then turned away from him.

Thomas sighed but left me alone. I turned back as I heard the metal cover being moved. Gally shoved it to the side. Fry, Thomas, and Newt leaned over to look down the hole. Gally put a ladder inside it then moved to start climbing down.

"Gally, take care of these two. I'm pretty sure that Emi will truly kill you if anything happens to either of them." Fry chuckled.

"Yea" Gally nodded as he looked Fry over for a moment then started down the ladder.

I watched both Thomas and Newt climb down then I sighed as I ran my hands down my face. Fry, Brenda, and Jorge were all standing around me the next second.

"Are you okay?" Fry asked softly.

I looked at him. Is he serious?

"No Fry, I am far from okay. My brother is being a jackass and oh yea, my dead boyfriend is actually alive!" I shouted in frustration.

Fry stepped back from me looking hurt.

"You wanna talk about it?" Brenda asked cautiously.

I chuckled dryly.

"I think I've done enough talking. I want to punch something." I growled then quickly left the room.

I walked back into the room the crank businessman was in. He stopped what he was doing to look at me.

"You look tense my dear." He said.

"You don't say," I said sarcastically.

The man chuckled.

"What could be so bothersome?" He asked tilting his head to the side.

"No offense but if I don't want to talk to my friends about it I certainly don't want to talk to you about it." I snapped.

The man chuckled again.

"You remind me of Gally when he first came here. So untrusting of everyone." The man shook his head.

My chest tightened at his words.

"I'm nothing like him." I said weakly.

"Oh? Could Gally be the reason for your anger?" The man asked as he slowly walked closer to me.

I glared at him which made him laugh.

"Your name wouldn't be Emi would it?" He asked with a smile.

His smile grew as he saw the look of shock on my face.

"It is" he smiled as he stepped even closer to me.

"How did you know that?" I asked him.

He chuckled again.

"You're the girl who stole Gally's heart. He told me all about you Emi. About your life together in the maze. About you being torn from his arms as he laid there dying. What a tragic love story." He chuckled.

"He told you about me?" I asked softly feeling all the anger drain out of me.

"Oh yes, did you know Gally could draw?" He asked suddenly.

I looked at him in confusion from the sudden change of topic. I shook my head.

"Follow me," he said moving his finger towards himself.

I did as he said. He walked into the next room that had a desk in the corner. A large table was toward the middle of the room. He turned to the desk. I watched as he opened the top drawer then pulled out a folder.

"He hides them here for safekeeping." He said handing me the folder.

I took it then laid it on the desk. I opened it to find the most amazing landscape drawing I'd ever seen. It was the glade. It looked so real and beautiful. It was just like I remembered it when I had first gotten there. I put that drawing to the side to look at the next one. My breath caught in my throat. It was me. A perfect flawless drawing of me laughing. Every detail was spot on and perfect. The way my lips curled and my nose scrunched up. My eyes were closed in the midst of laughter. It was beautiful.

The next picture was also of me. This one I was only smiling. He had made it look as though the wind was blowing my hair. The drawing of me was looking straight at me with sparkling brown eyes. How did I not know he could do this?

"He told me he drew your face the most so he'd never forget it." The man next to me said softly.

I put the drawings back in the folder then closed it quickly. I hugged them tight to my chest as I turned to look at the man.

"Thank you" I sniffled.

He nodded then walked past me out of the room. He never forgot me. I quickly walked back into the room the man had gone back to.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked him once I stood in the middle of the room.

"Go ahead," he said as he looked down at his garden.

"Did Gally ever tell you how he feels about me?" I asked as I tightened my hold on the folder.

The man chuckled then turned to look at me.

"Only once. He said that no other woman would ever compare to you. You may have had a troubled ending but if he ever had the chance to see you again he'd make that moment count." The man smiled at me.

"Thank you" I whispered.

I stood there silently for a moment unsure of what to do.

“You look like you could use some time to think.” The man said softly.

I nodded.

“Behind me, these stairs will lead you to the roof. Take you a little breather.” He said pointing behind him.

I did as he said. I clutched the folder against my chest as I started to climb the stairs.

—

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Rebellious Soul: Chapter 2

Pairing: None

Summary: Y/N is having a hard time coping with the fact that her friend is gone and now her best friend is back, but there is a new player in town. The ultimate leader of the Rebels, Commander Ruby. Will Y/N be able to defeat Eve or will she give up the fight to mourn the loss of Dean?

Warnings: angst, love triangle (sort of),

Word Count: 1017

Cas and I walked down the hall, all the way to the main area of the Bunker. There weren't many people around. It was Bobby, Charlie, Turner, and a girl I had never seen before.

"Y/n, this is Commander Ruby. She is the leader of the Rebels." Turner said pointing out the woman.

"Y/n it is very nice to finally meet you. Singer and Turner have spoken highly of you. It is an honor."

"Yeah it's an honor to meet you too, Commander." I greeted back reaching my hand out for her to shake.

"Ruby has been in charge since the Rebels were first established." Bobby chimed in.

"I thought all the original Rebels were killed off?" I asked trying to connect the facts from legends.

"That's what Eve wants you to believe. That isn't true. We were either forced out, or forced into separate lives."

"So, what does Eve have to do with anything?"

"Eve basically is the one who formed the Safe Zones. She created monsters to put fear into people. To chase humans away from what she truly has planned for them. She just wants total control over them."

"I knew it. I just knew there was something more going on."

"Yes, and Singer and Turner have informed me Eve has taken a special liking to you."

"Yeah because I made her believe I wasn't a Rebel. I made her believe that I was working with her."

"I want you to be our spokesperson for the Rebels. A face people can look up to. Something to give them hope."

"What?"

I didn't know why I had to be this big hero. I wasn't one. I was the girl who the hero saved. That was Dean. Dean was the hero. His face should be a reminder of what can happen if you try to double cross Eve. That she is exactly what she created. A monster.

"There was a good reason Dean showed back up into your life. Why he let Ketch see you. Why he let Eve find you and speak to you. How determined you were to become one of us. Those weren't just coincidences. You were chosen for this." Turner spoke.

"No, no way I'm going to do that. I'm sorry." As I was going to walk out though Gabriel came running in.

He had look of pure nervousness. At first I thought it was still being in the presence of me after the event of earlier. Then he spoke.

"There's something you have to see."

He led us into the viewing room. The room where we get all he news from every Safe Zone in existence. There plastered on every TV, was Eve.

"So what's new in the recent events in Wichita? The incident with the daycare?" The interviewer asked.

"Every kid was accounted for. It is suspected that an employee who was fired the day before might have been behind it."

I knew what she was trying to do. It was bad enough she killed Dean, but making me the most wanted person ever in the history of Safe Zones, that was too far.

My blood boiled with hatred for hat she was saying. She was gonna have my face plastered in every Safe Zone.

"What was her name, if you can disclose that information?"

"Of course. Her name is Y/n Y/l/n."

Soon every television in the room lit up with my police sketch plastered on it. Everyone in every Safe Zone around the world now knew my name and face. There goes Ruby's brilliant plan for me to be the face of the rebellion. I was probably now the most hated person on this wretched planet.

"This is great!" Turner exclaimed.

"How is any of this good? I'm now the most wanted person in human existence."

"This is great publicity! Now we don't have to explain who you are, they already know."

Yeah they all think I tried to kill children. Those parents probably wonder what I possibly did to get fired after working there for over a decade."

"She's right Turner. Y/l/n just isn't it." Ruby finally spoke after letting us bicker back and forth.

"Yeah maybe you should go with Wesson instead. He's lost what I've lost. He actually has it worse than me. He is more than willing to fight for this. Me I want Eve's head on a plate. I want to be out there finding the two missing Rebels because that's what we do. I'm not just gonna sit around and look pretty."

"Wait a minute. I did not send Winchester out to sacrifice himself for someone else to take her place. She has potential, she is just very stubborn about it."

"She really hasn't lived up to her reputation. I'm sorry Turner. Maybe we should go with the boy." Ruby sounded disappointed, but in a sense of she knew I was gonna fail.

"So, we hear you have someone new to show off for us this evening." The interviewer broke the silence.

For a moment I almost forgot why we were in here. I didn't even want to look at the TVs for fear of seeing his face. I know he's gone, but she is the reason he is.

"Yes, yes I do. He is my right hand man," oh great now I have another reminder of why I want to kill her, "someone I can put my full trust in. Would you like to meet him?"

I was so sick of her voice, and I didn't want to see Ketch, that I almost asked them to turn off the TVs.

Then the interviewer spoke: "Yes we have all been dying to meet your newest member."

Then he came out. But it wasn't him, not really. He was different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Why was he so different than before?

As I stared at I felt eyes on me. I knew it was Gabriel. I didn't care because the man speaking on the screens was the only thing I could focus on.

Forevers:

@anotherwaywardsister @atc74 @bella-ca @canadianspnhunter @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @ericaprice2008 @gabriel-winchester1998 @impala-dreamer @impalaimagining @katymacsupernatural @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @mamaredd123 @masksandtruths @mirandaaustin93 @muchamusedaboutnothing @our-jensen-ackles-love @roxyspearing @sea040561 @snffbeebee @spnwaywardwitch @squirrelnotsam @torn-and-frayed @winchesterprincessbride

[freerebelmentality]

No more room service

Ok this is my very first hockey fic of Mike Condon. Be nice. After reading an article on the NHL website and reading the quotes he gave is when it just tugged my heart. Well whatever I have left of it anyway. Plus MIKE CONDON DESERVES ALL THE LOVE!!! He’s a precious cinnamon roll.

***********************************************

Word Count: 1,947

"I lived in three different hotels [in 2014-15]," Condon said. "I lived in the hotel when I was up and down between Wheeling and Hamilton. I'm just used to hotel life."

The Penguins claimed Condon from the Canadiens to be Marc-Andre Fleury's backup while Matt Murray is recovering from a broken hand. After falling to No.

3 on the Canadiens depth chart, Condon welcomed the opportunity.

He isn't married and doesn't have children, so moving a family wasn't a concern.

"I'm single as can be," Condon said. "I've been moving in and out of hotels for the past five years. No one's been able to stick with me. No one wants to stick around for the ride. I don't blame them either. It's a tough ride. It takes a toll."

Last season was an anomaly for Condon because he spent all of it with the Canadiens, who gave him the green light to get an apartment on Nov. 1.

"It was weird for me to have my own place, not sharing with roommates or anything like that," Condon said. "I'm not going to get too far ahead of myself, but one day, hopefully, I can get another one. A guy can dream, right?"

You remember the quote to all those years ago and finally looking to today on how everything came to be for Mike.

It was a year ago when you first moved to Ottawa and he recently got picked up by the Senators hockey team. You two met at a charity event the Sens team always had for whatever fundraiser.

You’re a freelance photographer and your friend who worked for the organization that the Sens are fundraising for. She has hired you to take photos throughout the event for the website.

You couldn’t refuse the job because it’s a paying job, free drinks throughout the night and most of all there were going to be hockey players.

Throughout the night you have been taking pictures. Asking the players and their significant others for pictures as well and they happily accepted with wide smiles. Some you noticed were beginning to get quite tipsy, which was completely hilarious and happy you agreed to take the job.

With one quick swing around to walk back to the office your friend has placed you in. You wanted to switch cameras along with getting a new SD card, the one in you camera is getting quite full and fast.

You bumped into someone who was tall, you felt toned muscles as your face met his chest and you fell backwards as your bottom hit the floor. Your camera took a bad fall as well, the lens cracked as you took a better look at it.

Everyone stops what they were doing, gaps throughout the building while the person you bumped into kneels beside you and your friend rushes to your side.

“Y/n are you ok? What happened? Oh no your camera” she says while helping you to your feet

Others ask if you were alright, you nodded as you smiled and looked to your friend.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you. Are you alright?” The man asks looking to you all worried he hurt you.

“I’m fine really. Thank you for asking. Only bad fall was my camera lens” you wave him off and look to your camera.

“I can replace that for you” your friend says while looking between you and the man

“No, please don’t bother. It’s a quick fix and I have extras. Don’t go through the trouble and spending a lot of money on a lens when I have a few at home” you tell her while walking slowly back to the office.

Your friend and the man who wasn’t bad looking. A ginger with adorable blue eyes. Such beautiful blue eyes that you can swim in them forever.

If he looked any deeper into your eyes, you’d allow him to look through your soul and let him have it.

“I’m Mike by the way. I feel bad for your fall and your lens breaking. Let me do something for you” he is basically pleading now.

He looked like a hurt puppy who played too rough and hurt the person he loved so much and trying to make things better by doing anything.

You knew who he was, you followed his playing career since he got signed by the Montreal Canadiens. The Habs are your most favourite team, second is the Sens. You are a third generation Habs fan and knew the rich history behind the team.

“Y/n. Since I’m not going to get rid of you that easily. You can take the rest of the pictures” you tell him as you wave him to follow you.

He followed while your friend remained where she was and continued doing her rounds.

Since then the both of you kept hanging out when he could. When the summer came is when the both of you got more acquainted and had fun.

While it lasted and it was the new hockey season all over again. You were worried he was going to get placed on waivers again and having another team pick him up.

That didn’t happen, the Sens offered Mike an extension on his contract and told him to find an apartment. Which he did and asked you to move in with him right away.

You didn’t want to be apart from him anymore and you graciously accepted. The both of you couldn’t be more happier.

“Hey what are you so deep into thought for?” Mike asks as he enters the office the both of you share

You exit out of the article quickly and making it look like you were working on editing pictures. You pulled up the software you always worked on and luckily a picture is still on there.

A picture you completely forgot to finish but got sidetracked by something else.

“I’m just debating if I should get a Leica Camera or not. Why I’m so deep into thought” you tell him while he sits in the chair that’s in front of the desk and where you are sitting.

“Wow, why don’t you just get it? Plus I think it’s time for you to upgrade anyway. You take amazing pictures and you deserve the very best to work with” Mike says while leaning in closer and in hopes he’s changed your mind and purchase the damn camera.

“You are so sweet you know. Too sweet for me. It makes me puke” you say while you look to him and back to the computer screen

“And you are disgustingly charming” he retorts as he gets up from the chair and walks out of the office

“Wait, I was looking at an old article you were in a few years ago” you finally tell him before he is an ear shot away.

He stops at the doorway and turns around slowly. He leans against the doorframe as he crosses his arms across his chest.

“Which article?” He asks keeping his gaze on you

“The one about constantly living in hotels and how you mentioned no one has ever stuck around because it takes a toll and you as single as can be” you recite the quotes he said a few years ago.

By reciting the very quote causes you such grief because the thought of him being lonely like that is hurtful.

After getting to know Mike, you didn’t like the idea of him being lonely or didn’t like the thought of anything so enduring such as loneliness. You loved Mike way too much for him to go through that. Loved him way too much.

“Ooh that interview. Why would you be deep into that thought?” He asks as he enters back into the office and this time he gets the chair and places it right in front of you.

“Because the very thought of you being incredibly lonely, in between towns/cities, in and out of hotels. It hurts me to even think of the things that you were going through. I mean your mental well being and so forth” you exhale while placing your hands over his and look to him

As you tell him that is when he forms a smile on his face.

“I appreciate you for that. I really do” he replies as he kisses the top of your hand

“It was lonely, especially at night and no one to ask how my day was in general and just talking about it. But I knew what I got myself into and I knew I needed to focus on going into pro hockey. I thought of it more as no distractions to keep me from getting the one thing I really wanted and that got me more motivated to get to where i am” he continues while talking about his journey into the NHL.

You loved how he talked about the hard work he has put into getting that contract. Loved how he talked about the trial and tribulations he endured just to get to where he is at today. Oh you loved this man right in front of you, you loved how he is so devoted to his career, devoted to his family and how much he has devoted himself to you.

“I love how you talk about your trials into getting a pro NHL contract and love how you stuck on being focused on that” you tell him as you get up from your chair and sit in his lap.

You wrap your arms around his neck and begin to kiss him. The way your lips molded together couldn’t be anymore fitting and perfect. It was as if you two are meant for each other. Like what the stories were told in books, how they were brought together by scent or how they imprinted and so forth. It’s how you like to think about it.

“Mmm, what else do you love?” Mike asks as he pulls away from the kiss and looks deep into your eyes

There he goes soul searching once more with his beautiful big blue eyes. You definitely can swim and get lost in them forever.

“You. I love you” you reply while look deep into his eyes as well.

“I love you too. You know, after that interview and just a short couple years. I have found the most incredible, understanding, accepting, loving, beautiful, caring person. Who is willing to join me on whatever path this crazy career of mine will take me” he says with an adoring smile as he closes the gap between the both of you.

“Really? Who is that? I’d like to meet this person” you jokingly reply while he looks to you all surprised and begins to tickle you.

You laugh while trying to move away from his sudden movements as he reaches the ticklish spots you have.

In all seriousness Mike is happy he has found someone like you and at times he felt he didn’t deserve you because of how long he’s gone all the time.

He was happy enough to find you still at the apartment the both of you shared. He thought at times that you have left him because you couldn’t handle things anymore. But no.

You were always right there, patiently waiting for him to come home. You were waiting right there at the airport when he called for pick up. He loved how your face lit up every time he came home. He loved everything about you and didn’t want to lose you over anything. He loved you too much to endure loneliness again. Never again.

No more room service for him.

[thekillingmoonmoon]

hello hello! How has your weekend been so far? 🦋

For me it's just been my usual routine cleaning until I decided to take a nap for the first time in forever and I forgot just how many wonders a nap can bring!

Thoughts of waking up the morning after the events of rose red plagued my mind before my nap, and that gradual blooming back to life after such an emotional and passionate night must be such a pleasant feeling.

Speaking of which, my heart started drumming when I saw the scheduled final fics for multiple reasons: first of all, Dahlia being in three parts. Second of all, seeing Hanma and Naoto as flowers in the garden. I'm very very excited for Hanma as his flower can be interpreted as symbolising death and I can sense some very tragic passionate love story ahead. And oh how I yearn to see my sweet Naoto! I feel as though he would definitely need someone who is the calm in an ominous storm. Third of all, I have a feeling I was somewhat responsible for the addition of Kakucho.

After reading the manga yet again I looked at Ran and couldn't help but think of those wholesome times he had with reader when there was nothing but friendship between them! Just him pinching reader's cheeks and giving comforting hugs in times of distress, giving his brand of affection in that sing-song voice of his even as the years go by and the Haitanis have yet another stint in juvie. Now is this really the same Ran who cracked Mitsuya's skull with a brick?

Now on the topic of a miltonian lucifer, I have to admit it's been a struggle trying to think of just one character who'd fulfil that sort of role so well! We see a lot of boys in TR who we know have been forsaken and led to do questionable things, but can't help but feel sympathy for them. Probably a reminder that some of these guys are all sorting through their own trauma in one way or another and just need forgiveness and the opportunity to make amends for what they've done.

Wakui's ability to portray grief and morality in such complex ways is both such a blessing and a curse.

Sending love and hugs! xx

🦋

hello!

My weekend has barely happened yet - but it will mostly be cleaning and writing my thesis (cry). Naps are so delightful! my best are the ones taken in the afternoon sun, and everything is warm and golden and fuzzy.

Ah the morning after rose red must have been so soft and special. Just thinking about waking up to the sunrise and exchanging sweet words, then falling back asleep, only to wake up to the smell of coffee and Ran's idea of singing (Who in Bonten do you think can sing?)

Oh bby you are definitely responsible for the Kakucho fic, and the kakucho brainrot I've been having since we last spoke... gosh.. he's so wonderful.. precious man.. also I am very glad that you like the last few additions to the Garden - I was a bit nervous about adding the Naoto one because he is seriously underrated but if at least one person is excited for his fic then I am happy.

I am kinda nervous about writing Dahlia, I'm not gonna lie - people really loved Rose Red and now I don't want to disappoint anyone (screams)

The joy and wonder of Ran, and a lot of the TR boys is how full of juxtapositions they are. Ran can be this sweet and doting lover, full of soft teases and ticklish kisses, and yet he can also swing a brick at arguably the Best Boy in Toman without flinching. I love how Wakui has given his characters this depth - Mitsuya is both a caring and devoted big brother, a meticulous craftsman, and also a scrappy teenage boy in a gang? Mikey is well... will we ever know all the aspects of Mikey? his childishness, his loyalty, his emptiness, his desperation.. Wakui has really given us a gift with all of his characters, and even if the manga ends in a way that feels unsatisfying, at least we have this plethora of characters to explore.

(also I was dying with laughter at this week's chapter - I am pretending that I do not see Mikey about to kill Takemitchy - but Koko's face has got to be the funniest thing I've seen. Mans is PANICKING. he's just like "Inupi would never do this to me")

anyway - lots of loves and hugs

🐰🌙💜