world-of-amyc - Tumblr blog

world-of-amyc · 3 years ago

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Another person to unfriend me

What did I do that was so bad you had to remove me so quickly?

Are you really that shallow? That emotional?

I don't understand the hesitancy

Did you satisfy your curious mind?

Am I not what you imagined?

Sorry my looks aren't everything

I barely identify with my outer self

I look in the mirror and think oh yeah that's what I look like

My face doesn't match my soul

But that's okay

I'm not here to please you.

After the four relationships and numerous flings it's made me realize love isn't everything

We are programmed into thinking we need marriage kids relationships at an early age and it's up to us to figure out what we really want after making mistakes and realizing you don't know why you're doing something in the first place

I'm sure most of us humans are clueless

It's the blind leading the blind.

Babies raising babies.

And for what

To continue this endless cycle called life so we don't get endangered.

What if life is the real curse

And we're just tricked into thinking we need to be here on this plane of existence.

I don't remember anything before a little voice in my head said:

where am I really?

who am I?

why am I here?

(at the age of about 5)

Ever since then I've questioned everything. I've relied on my gut to lead me in the best possible direction I could or so I hoped.

The more I think of it the more unnatural love seems. Two people together for life? Is that realistic? People don't want to commit. People don't want to trust. People don't want to make effort.

What is it people really want? What are they surviving for?

Is life meaningless or meaningful and how did you come to that conclusion?

To me it's all signs, symbols and desires.

Life doesn't have to have meaning but people feel it's necessary to find meaning.

People pour their emotions into their surroundings, what they eat, what they consume and who they consult.

Humans seem to be constantly providing therapy for themselves through life.

Life is life.

Dreams are just as real as this world because I experience them and all the other senses just like being awake in our bodies.

When I was younger I saw an army man standing at the door opening to my bathroom. He just stood there. I'm not sure what that was about but I do remember that event.

I remember astral projecting from jumping off the end of my bed and floating towards the ceiling while my parents walked up and down the hall.

I vaguely remember going manic and forgetting who I was, where I was and what my gender was.

I remember getting so lost in a relationship that I forgot who I was to the core

I've had to pick up, move, and restart countless times.

I've lost many people I thought would be around forever.

Most with no explanation.

I've had people try to catfish me and I've had people not be honest that they were in relationships.

Of course I've been cheated on

I've been assaulted

I've had failed pregnancies

I've lost loved ones and loved pets.

I've had to give up pets I loved.