#another case of “i hate this woman because she has more than 2 personality traits”

[deerabigailhobbs]

Time to be a little controversial, but I'm convinced a lot of people who hate Abigail are just misogynistic. I'm not talking about the people who feel neutral or even dislike her, but people who are adamant that she's this evil, conniving young woman who deserved death. Because did we watch the same show???

It's so damn obvious that she feels sorry for the girls. She has nightmares, she cries, she tries to put on a friendly, brave face when talking to them knowing deep down what their fate is. Like I've mentioned multiple times on this blog, she's not innocent, she's just complex. Unfortunately, it appears as though if a female character is complex, that means she's a bitch.

"Ok then why is she rude? Why does she snap back at people?" Because she wants to feel bigger than she is. Because she knows if she lets her guard down by even an inch, she's making herself vulnerable. Because her life up until this point has been fucking awful so it's extremely understandable that she snaps at people, especially when they're contributing to her downfall.

"Well, she killed Nick and she clearly enjoyed it." No. No she didn't. She said killing Nick made her feel "powerful." That power wasn't from ending a life, it was from extending her own (as I've mentioned before in an older post). A lot of people take Hannibal's words as gospel when he says it wasn't self defense, but Hannibal wasn't there. Abigail saw a man threaten her, pin her up to a wall, and stabbed him out of fear.

And as for the "so easy to lie about it" line after being questioned by Jack, that's bullshit! She was breaking down in those moments, even if we didn't know she had killed Nick at that point it was so obvious. But why would she want to show vulnerability to anyone, especially to a man like Will, who she barely knows and yet is weirdly paternal over her. She was lying through her damn teeth!

She wants to be seen as this strong, unaffected girl. A person who is hard to get close to because of their snappy and "rude" nature, and it appears some fell for deceptions.

[oh-my-moomin]

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it. 

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him. 

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents. 

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection. 

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels. 

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman. 

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection. 

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real. 

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means. 

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful. 

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels. 

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn. 

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems. 

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture” 

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji. 

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji  was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series. 

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can  also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji. 

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important. 

I want to talk to you, to know you. 

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected. 

You are worthy of my affection. 

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you. 

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live. 

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future. 

I am glad I could meet you, thank you. 

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

[isabellahawkes]

Defending 5 Tropes Everyone Hates In Fiction

Today  I’m going to defend the tropes in fiction that everyone hates. I’ve  been watching Authortube and Booktube for several years, and over a  period of time I’ve realized that certain tropes get more blind hate  than they deserve. So I’ll be talking about the five tropes everyone  hates — or, so they claim to — and explain why they’re really not that  bad.

1) The Self-Insert: People make fun of self-inserts because they, in theory, drag the quality of the story down. But what exactly is a self-insert? Well, it’s supposed to be a character that resembles a more perfect version of the author, typically the main character. This character is hot and can do no wrong, and defeats all of their enemies easily.

However…what is actually a self-insert? The main character. Of any novel. Especially if it’s written by a woman.  Women authors are more often than not accused of writing self-inserts,  especially if the main character is also a woman, and bonus points if  they have the same hair color. Because brown is such an uncommon hair  color. Self-inserts are typically also referred to as Mary-Sues. Here’s a  tip: Go in the opposite direction from anyone who uses that term today  unironically.

I’m  not saying that self-inserts don’t exist in fiction, or that people  don’t write “Mary Sues”. But let’s be honest, this is just another way  to dig at a woman author for not writing the just perfect and acceptable  representation of a woman. The character is likable? Self-insert. The  character is unlikable? Self-insert. The character is good at most  things? This is wish fulfillment. The character is completely  incompetent? She’s so pathetic…so she must be a self-insert.

Aside from this primarily being directed at women — even  though some of the most renowned male authors have never had trouble  expressing their own self-inserts (Leo Tolstoy, Victor Hugo, Stephen  King, etc)— self-inserts by themselves aren’t even a bad thing.  Writing a character that has the same traits as the author doesn’t mean  the quality of the story will be less than. If anything, the author  will know how their character would realistically react to any  situation.

To  be clear, I’m also not saying you should just write characters that are  exactly like you. But it’s pretty impossible to write a character that  is exactly like you as you keep writing your story. As you develop your  character, they become a separate entity from you. It’s possible that by  the end of writing your manuscript, your “self-insert” only has a few  traits in common with you. And that’s the strange thing about people  critiquing self-inserts — this is you assuming you know the author. And 9  cases out of 10, you don’t. Not even if they’re a YouTuber. So really,  it’s kind of a creepy accusation. A better critique of a main character  would be that they excelled in everything too easily, or they were so  “perfect” it was annoying…you don’t need to drag the author’s perceived  personality into the mix. Also, make sure the character is actually too  perfect, rather than you don’t expect a woman to be capable of doing  anything.

2) Flashbacks:  I’ve seen a lot of people who hate flashbacks, and honestly this is one  on the list that I can see why people do. However, I’ve seen a lot of  hate being thrown its way…and I personally love flashbacks. When they’re  necessary. I love multiple timelines, when done well. I love a  nonlinear story structure. Flashbacks tend to get hate because sometimes  the flashbacks are placed in awkward times in the story, or they don’t  seem to add much, or they just confuse the audience. These are totally  valid criticisms, but I think like with self-inserts, they’re not always  done horribly.

A  common piece of writing advice is to start your story where the story  starts, otherwise known as the inciting incident. The inciting incident is not always where a flashback takes place in the main character’s  story. Perhaps the most well-known example of this is the show  Lost. For one thing, Lost has a big cast, but it would’ve been annoying  to follow these random characters with family issues that seemingly  don’t have much of a connection until they crash on an island, probably,  what, in the third season? Sometimes a story starts with a catastrophic  event that brings up memories for the main character. It wouldn’t be  effective storytelling to start off with Jack ruining his alcoholic  dad’s reputation and then crashing on an island…that’s some out of  nowhere twist.

Also, sometimes a story needs flashbacks, typically in the mystery and  thriller genres. Maybe readers who don’t like flashbacks don’t enjoy  those kinds of stories, but I just think the flashback hate would  actually ruin a lot of cool stories.

3) The “Chosen One”:  I honestly think that people who hate the “Chosen One” storyline don’t  actually read many chosen one stories. That’s because their complaints  are bizarre oversimplifications about what the chosen one could be…but  never is. I’ve heard people say that the chosen one is randomly chosen  for no clear purpose or reason. The three most popular examples are Harry in Harry Potter, Frodo in Lord of the Rings, and Katniss in The Hunger Games is brought up a lot for some reason.  Critics of this trope act like these characters were just randomly  chosen by some all-knowing being to save the world…and that’s just not  true. All three of these examples weren’t “chosen”, they were victims of  life circumstances, as are all of us.

Harry’s parents were murdered and a protection spell was placed on him, and it was all because of Voldemort. He  made the decision to go after Harry because he heard of a prophecy that  Harry could be his undoing. It also could’ve been Neville. The point  is, this wasn’t some grand design from God, it was circumstances that  led to Harry being the chosen one. In Lord of the Rings, Frodo  inherited the ring. Gandalf and Frodo even have a discussion about how  it didn’t have to be Frodo…but that’s too damn bad, it is. And Katniss  became a symbol for the rebellion in Panem because she was the first  person in a long time to actively show some resistance against the  Capitol. Again, this was due to life circumstances.

The point of the Chosen One is never to show how incredible these everyday heroes are…in fact, it’s the opposite. The  point is that random things happen that lead these heroes down  extraordinary circumstances…and they never want it to, but it’s too damn  bad. I just think people who critique this trope aren’t  actually even talking about the trope when it’s used, they’re just  borrowing jokes from CinemaSins.

4) Teenage Heroes/Super Soldiers:  When people complain about this trope, I get really confused. For one  thing, teenager heroes are typically in young adult books…which you’d  think would be obvious. But a lot of adult YA readers don’t actually  seem to like teenagers at all…so why are you reading about them? I also  get confused when people complain about this trope because they say it’s  not realistic…meaning, it doesn’t reflect real life…they don’t buy that  young people are targeted by any particular industries because they’re  young…

Not  only does the military target high schoolers because that’s when  they’re most physically fit, their minds are also more impressionable.  Universities do the same thing. Every industry  targets the youth to mold into a good soldier, a good student, a good  worker bee, another cog in the machine, if you will. But each person  targeted feels special, kind of like a hero. Sure, it might  sound weird to have an army made of up of 13 year olds because of the  kids you see around you. But back in the day, that was the norm, it’s  only unusual sounding by today’s standards. Just Google the age of King  Tut and you’ll be surprised how wrong you are.

5) One-Dimensional Villains:  For a time, we hated seeing villains that were just evil, for seemingly  no reason. We wanted something different. We wanted villains who felt  real like we do. We wanted funny villains. We wanted quirky villains. We  wanted to see ourselves in villains. Because we wanted to feel  challenged by our material. We didn’t want the good guy to always be  right. We wanted to understand the villain’s point. So…we got a ton of  villains with tragic backstories and redemption arcs. Not one of them  can stay evil unless they’re the last season baddy. That guy’s just Satan. It’s literally Satan most of the time now.

Every  villain’s gotta have a point, or at least a sob story. It’s totally  fine for a villain to have a point, and a sob story. But it’s gotten out  of hand. We’ve gotten to a tricky place where  many writers are unintentionally trying to justify their villains’  actions through their explanations of how a villain got to be the way  that they are. Or, if you’re a writer on YouTube, let’s be  honest, you’re gonna pretend that all of your characters are  three-dimensional people…because you’re the one writing them.

But  not every reader is going to think of your character chart. So, when  you don’t have these tragic backstory reveals, or understand why the  villain is committing genocide, the reader is just going to think, “this  is a one-dimensional villain.”

And that’s okay.

Why  do we need to justify genocide anyway? When we think of some of the  real world’s most evil people, we don’t see their complexity as a human  being…we see a monster. And honestly, I don’t see why every fictional  villain needs to be humanized in every fictional story. It all depends  on the story you’re trying to tell, and your themes. But your story  definitely doesn’t need to give your villain redemptive attributes.

Those are the five tropes I’ve seen get a lot of crap about, even from people  who use these tropes. And I don’t think they’re that bad, they’ve just  been oversimplified. Most any trope can be done well in fiction, they  just need to be utilized in an effective emotional way. And if you still  hate these tropes, well, that’s okay too. Just keeping an open mind is  one of the most efficient ways to improve your writing and expand your horizons.

Also published here on my website, and here on Medium. :)

[roscgcld]

GOJO SATORU || how annoying

request: What if Gojo twin went with geto and wants to help him achieve his dream since she didn’t want to let him go, and she feels bad that she couldn’t do anything to change his mind.

But if that was the case Gojo just got betrayed by his Best Friend and his own Twin sister almost makes me sad to request this but I’d really want to see Angst between them.

note: this one was a pain to write because i hate angst - like i literally avoid heartbreak stories like the plague because my little heart cannot take it. so this was a little bit out of my comfort zone, and had me pouting cause this is like, the worse case scenario for me lol. but i hope you enjoy!

pronouns: she/her

note: spoilers for volume 0, so read at your own risk!

gojotwins!au masterlist

“Gojo-sensei, who’s this?”

The white-haired shaman looked up from his phone where he was lounging on his chair since he was currently having a free hour in his schedule. Today he is around to teach his group of first years, and after a few hours of class, they have an hour break in between their lesson. Because of this, the first years had decided to chill in Gojo’s office with their teacher.

Gojo’s eyes, hidden behind his simple blacked-out sunglasses, glances over at his student who was holding up a framed picture on his desk. He had only 2 framed pictures - a picture of him and his classmates in their first year, and the other was a picture that he sometimes wondered why he still kept framed in his office.

It was a picture of him and his twin sister, Gojo Y/N. In that picture, they were standing in front of a cherry blossom tree that is on the grounds of the Gojo Clan home. The pictures were one of the last few pictures they took together, and you couldn’t tell that the day after that picture was taken, the smiling girl in the picture would have disappeared. Going into hiding with the man that she loved. “Oh....that.”

Yuji paused when he saw how his sensei’s mood dropped ever so slightly, causing both him and Nobara to share a look before they glanced over at Megumi. The same boy was staring at the picture with a faraway look on his face as well as if all the memories he had of the woman in the picture flashed before his eyes.

“...You should throw that out.” Megumi managed out after a few moments of silence, glancing over at Gojo who had his eyes trailing on the picture. Yuji had placed it down after a few seconds of awkward silence, yet Gojo’s eyes didn’t move away from the smiling faces reflecting back in the picture frame. “I know..”

Yuji, feeling bad that he clearly brought up a bad memory, was about to apologise when Gojo sighs and sat up from his reclined seat. “I can’t live my life avoiding the topic forever.” Gojo sighs as he runs a hand through his fluffy white hair, taking a deep breath before he faces Yuji once more. “The girl in the picture is my twin sister, Y/N. She and I were born with the Six Eyes, and had gone to school together.”

“You have a sister?!” Nobara and Yuji ask in usion, shocked that they had one, never seen this person before. And two had never even heard about this woman - someone who is probably as strong as their sensei. Why had no one mentioned her to them before? “Why didn’t you tell us?” Nobara asks curiously, to which Megumi stepped in to answer when it looked like Gojo is struggling to answer the question. Which that in itself is shocking to the other two in the room. “Y/N-san is...well...she had become a Curse User.”

Whilst Yuji gasped at how she had essentially turned her back on the college, Nobara had caught onto the past tensed that Megumi had used to describe the woman. “What do you mean had?” Nobara asks curiously, to which Megumi actually hesitates before he glances over at Gojo, who had kept silent through the entire exchange. “Is she...did something happen?”

Another moment of silence passed the room before Gojo looked up from the floor; his elbows resting on his knees after he had planted his feet on the ground. “Last year...around December...a huge attack was plotted on the college,” Gojo explained simply as he looks up at the two quiet students that stood before him, hanging onto his every word. “She had not attacked the college...but she was one of the organisers. So by law, if I didn’t do something, the higher-ups would have sent someone to deal with her.”

Immediately both Yuji and Nobara’s eyes widen in shock at what Gojo was insinuating behind his simple words, both of them glancing at each other with wide eyes. Now they knew they had hit a nerve. Yet Gojo seemed like he was going to continue to tell them everything right now since the bandage on the wound had already been ripped open - might as well deal with this all at once.

“I mean - it was better than way. She knew it too.” Gojo said with a sigh as he leans back into his recliner seat, giving his silent student a forced smile; one so fake that it even had Megumi cringing a little. Gojo was once more lost in his thoughts, mind wandering back to the day that he had done the unthinkable. He knew that sometimes being a sorcerer means that you had to make some sacrifices, but for once he wasn’t sure if he was so willing to believe in that saying.

Gojo walked up the flight of steps leading up to the shabby apartment room, following the Curse Energy residue that was left along the hallway, immediately recognising it. It was as if she chose not to even hide where she was; leaving invisible evidence all over the place as they stopped in front of the door where the Curse Energy was the strongest.

Quietly he turns the knob, not even shocked to find it unlocked as he pushed it opened quietly; looking up with a soft smile. “Pardon the intrusion.” He mumbles softly as he looks over at the woman who sat by the window. Her hair blowing softly along with the breeze as she turned her tired eyes over to her; her bright blue eyes glowing in the dark as she stared back at the white bandages that hid his. 

“You make it sound like I didn’t know you were going to come.” 

There was no bitterness in her tone - only sheer tiredness and the same warmth that she exudes every moment of the day. The same warmth that had Gojo’s heart clenching as he closed the door behind him slowly, making his way deeper into the apartment. “I thought the Gojo in you would have sneered at the sheer at the size of this place.”

His comment had the woman laughing softly, looking down at the mug of steaming tea clasped in her hands. The mood was lifted for a few fleeting moments, and Gojo just wants to pretend that everything was alright once more. That the both of them were just hiding it out in a room for a few days whilst they hunted down a Curse User. Like how things used to be. “How...how have you been?”

“...good,” Gojo mumbles as he walks towards his twin sister, the same one who had one day just upped and gone; disappeared with Geto with no more but a letter for her twin to wake up to. The letter was just a rambly letter of how sorry she was that she had to leave, that she chose to end things the way she is doing right now. But she knew that her choosing Geto over the life she has now is a death sentence, but she didn’t want to let go. 

‘When you finally find someone to live for, that makes you feel like you were floating with the clouds about - will you let them go for something as meaningless as status in a world we didn’t even choose to be born in?’

At first, neither of the Gojos spoke, just soaking in the comfort and familiarity that the both of them so sorely miss. In more normal times when they are younger, they will always do this - sitting in silence and just basking in it. Curse Energies just mingling with each other, not needing words as they just sat in the cramp apartment.

But this time it was different.

“Did they send you?” Y/N asks as she looks over at her brother, Gojo blinking when he heard her words and looked away from his clasped hands; his grip tightening when he realised just how relaxed and at peace she was. This was one of the most lovable yet infuriating part of his twin - no matter the situation she is faced with, she always faces it head-on with the most relaxed looks on her face - accepting whatever fate that awaits her on the other side. She doesn’t see the need to fear something as minuscule as death - something that everyone must face once their time comes. 

It was such an infuriating trait of hers that Gojo both loves and hates. “No...I chose to come myself. I don’t trust any of their goons to do it properly.” Gojo admitted in a tight voice, feeling his will waver when he heard the soft laugh that Y/N lets out - a laugh that he had missed hearing for the last few years now. “You never change, huh ‘Toru?”

Gojo just gave her an actual look of annoyance, the same look he’d always give her whenever he realises that she was going to start to lecture him about something he has no interest in. His look had Y/N letting out a soft laugh as she shakes her head in amusement, taking another sip from the teacup that was in her hands. “How annoying.”

Gojo continues to stare at his clasped hands before he sighs softly, his shoulders slumping a little as reality slowly started to box in around him. “I hate that you just accept that this is your reality,” Gojo mumbles softly, not even trying to hide the shakiness in his voice as he tries his hardest to blink past the tears that were gathering in his eyes. “You can’t just...accept something as serious as this so simply...”

Soft footsteps came from where Y/N was seated before a pair of warm hands rested on his cheeks, fingers gently brushing along the moisture that had collected at the bottom of the bandages. Wordlessly Y/N started to undo the bandages that covered his eyes; Gojo not moving to stop her from doing so. Soon the bandages fell in his lap, both of them staring at each other properly.

A warm smile was resting on Y/N’s face, a smile that irked Gojo even more as he viciously wiped at the corners of his eyes. “You are so annoying, you know that?” Gojo grumbles childishly, his arms reaching to wrap around his sister; burying his face into her shirt to hide the tears that seemed never-ending. “A-Always leaving me behind like this..”

Soft fingers carded through his white hair, the woman before him not making further comments as he continues to cry silently into her shirt. “I’m sorry, ‘Toru..” She had whispered out quietly, her voice sounding just as tired and sad as he does as she held him closer. 

Gojo hates this - not only had he just lost his best friend, but he is also going to lose his sister as well. Even when they are apart, knowing deep down that she was at least alive and safe with Geto still brought a sense of peace for him. Even if they couldn't be together, it was just knowing that the other was safe that allowed him to sleep at night.

But now he was the one that is expected to take her life away? He can’t help but hate just how cruel the jujutsu world is that it forces people like Geto and his sister to feel like they had to do the unthinkable in order to feel like they were living life the way they think is right for them. 

He hates it all with a burning passion. 

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

[trampohlena]

Okay, so after last night’s episode I would just like to say that Supercorp IS Endgame. I’d also like to point out the various reasons as to why Kara and Lena are not only soulmates but true twin flames.

For those reading this post who have never heard of the term twin flame: “A twin flame is your own soul, shared across what appears to be two physical beings. It’s one soul, split into two bodies.” -Google’s definition.

For those who are spiritually inclined and have a proclivity for indulging esoteric philosophies; Lena and Kara are ABSOLUTELY twin FUCKING flames 🔥🔥🔥!!

Here are the reasons why:

1. Their drastically different childhoods that resulted in remarkably similar trauma.

Both Kara and Lena have experienced great loss throughout their life. Both mourned the death of their parents, and life as they knew it, at a very early age. Both were shipped off to a foreign land, forced to leave behind everything they knew, in hopes for a brighter/safer future.

Albeit, Lena got the shorter end of the stick in regards to unconditional love, but both were given a second chance and a new start...and yet, they still never fit in, or felt like they truly belonged.

Although they individually have dealt with said trauma in different ways (Lena by pushing away those who try to get too close, and Kara by holding on tightly to those she holds dear) both of their actions are motivated by the same subconscious fear that they HAVE never and WILL never TRULY belong. All while yearning for a sense of “home”.

2. They are opposite reflections of each other; true “mirror souls”, if you will.

Physically, aesthetically, economically, and emotionally—they are complete “mirrors” of one another.

Kara is strong, physically powerful, cut from marble, all hard edges and sharp lines—except for her face. Lena is clearly not as physically powerful, she is soft, all curves, and exudes the grace of the Devine feminine energy—except for her face, which is hard edges and sharp jaw lines. You see what I’m saying?

Aesthetically and economically go hand in hand of course. Lena’s exorbitant wealth is evident in her high-end designer appearance; whereas Kara’s aesthetic is more humble and grounded, and prioritizes comfort over “fashion”. (Let’s admit it. Some of Kara’s fashion choices have been questionable. She clearly rocks the chinos and button-downs better than anything else in that eclectic closet of hers she refuses to come out of 😏)

Emotionally...oh honey. Do I need to say more? I won’t say much but I will say this: Kara is the sun and Lena is the moon. They compliment each other in a way that ensures the world keeps turning.

3. Their individual strengths are the other’s individual weakness and vice versa.

Goes along with the aforementioned “opposite reflection” point above but I’ll expand a bit further in regards to their specific personality traits.

Lena is predominately analytically driven, whereas Kara is emotionally driven. Lena is good in crowds, Kara is not (overwhelmed). Lena is introverted, Kara is extroverted. Lena is detail oriented and has the memory of an elephant, Kara is clumsy and as forgetful as a Pisces (but hey, she has a lot on her plate and barely any free time to balance it). Lena eats like a rabbit-bird-hybrid and Kara eats like a garbage disposal. Kara loves giving and receiving hugs and other forms of physical affection whereas Lena does not (UNLESS it’s from Kara, of course). Etc. Etc. you get the picture.

4. Now this one is the DEAD GIVEAWAY. Undeniable, irrefutable PROOF that Lena and Kara are twin flames.

They are LITERALLY completing what is know as the Twin Flame Journey or the Twin Flame Union.

The stages of Twin Flame Union are roughly as follows:

1. Yearning for “the one”. I think every human being that believes in love experiences this whether it’s throughout their entire life, or only their adult life until they meet this person but yeah. You get it. Kara has always wanted that “Wapow!” moment.

2. Glimpsing/meeting “the one”. Whether it’s only for a short moment, an extended meeting, or perhaps merely locking eyes with them as you pass each other by...you feel immediately connected. There is an instant soul recognition when meeting them, so much so that you could have sworn you’ve met them before or that it’s as if you’ve known each other your whole lives.

Remember when Kara met Lena? And she was gaga-eyed over Lena? Or when Lena felt so comfortable around a new acquaintance that she granted an almost stranger unbridled access to her office? Or how about when Red Daughter flew to America (the country she was taught to hate), with no recollection/memories of Kara’s relationship with Lena (again, the woman she was taught to hate), all because she felt PULLED to do so. And then when she did meet Lena she looked at her and practically drooled over her as if Lena was a double XL cheeseburger with extra special sauce from Big Belly Burger? Like, biiiitch 👀

3. Falling in love. Need I say more? Fine, again, I will. You CANNOT tell me that there is no way in hell that these two morons are anything BUT in love with each other. That’s a lot of double negatives and I appplogize so let me reiterate for clarification: THEY ARE IN LOVE AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND!

And at this point is it so freaking BEYOND platonic love, the show cannot explain it away or sweep it under the “just close friends” rug. No. Kara used her Fifth Dimensional Wish (she literally could have wished her entire planet didn’t explode) and she said “make Lena not mad at me, I’m sad 😔” 👀. Mmmkay. Not to mention Lena picking Supergirl over Jack, her former lover. Or the plethora of other times Lena chose Kara/Supergirl over everyone else she knew. Mmkay.

4. The fairytale relationship/friendship. Lena has finally found someone she can depend on, be vulnerable with, support her without judgement, trust with her life etc. and Kara has finally found a true best friend, not her sister, not Kenny who she didn’t realize was her best friend till after he passed? And now he’s not dead?? But her one true best friend that she felt she didn’t need to be neither Supergirl, nor Kara Danvers, but rather Kara Zor-El around (despite Lena not knowing that little tidbit of information).

They were each other’s best friend. Each other’s person. They were happy.

5. Outer Turmoil and Inner Purging—Supergirl and Lena fight. Lena still does not know that Kara is indeed Supergirl and does not pick up on the brewing tension between herself and Kara.

Kara of course is riddled with guilt and her relationship with Lena becomes strained. This outer turmoil creates inner purging by bringing out negative traits in each other. I.E. Lena hiding kryptonite and also Kara asking James to spy on her. Shit gets messy but they still try to make it work.

6. The Runner and the Chaser/Separation Stage—Tensions mount between the two and Lena FINALLY learns about Kara’s secret. And she has a choice to make. So what does she do? She runs. Not physically but emotionally. She completely withdraws from not only Kara and their friends but also withdraws from herself.

She literally experiences cognitive dissonance and becomes someone she is not. Someone other people made her believe she was on the inside, even though Kara knows that it isn’t. And so, Kara chases her.

Lena becomes the runner and Kara becomes the chaser as they navigate this separation stage.

Continuously running and continuously chasing.

7. The Surrender and dissolution stage—they’re fucking done. They’re tired. They’re exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally after all the bullshit they put each other through as well as all the bullshit Lex and the Phantom Zone put them through.

They come to an impasse in regards to Lex and realize the only way to defeat him is to work together, as a team. (El Mayarah anyone?)

They surrender to their emotions and to each other as their egos dissolve and their souls expand after having learned invaluable life lessons. The major one being: THEY CANNOT LIVE HAPPILY WITHOUT EACH OTHER!

8. The last stage that we have yet to see but we fucking better or else I’m gonna January 6 the CW studio building—“Oneness”.

This time, I’m not gonna say more.

So, in conclusion: Supercorp is Endgame because Lena Luthor and Kara Zor-El Danvers are the literal definition of a twin flame, soulmate connection. They are the same soul, manifested in two physical forms, for the sole purpose of expanding their soul’s consciousness.

They deserve to be happy, they deserve to be together. Not only does their union parallel some of the greatest love stories throughout history, i.e. Romeo and Juliet, Darcy and Bennet, Superman and Lois (duh) it would also break the curse of generational karma and illustrate to anybody who watches the show that the only person who defines who you are is YOU. Not a name, not a legacy, not society’s expectations, YOU. And most importantly of ALL...it would showcase that love truly does conquer all.

I rest my case.

TPTB, make Supercorp Endgame or kick rocks ✌️😘

Sincerely,

An empassioned fan with way too much time on her hands.

[variousqueerthings]

Daniel LaRusso: A Queer Feminine Fairytale Analysis Part 1 of 3

Disclaimers and trigger warnings: 

1. These fairytales are European, although there’s often overlap in themes globally. I know European fairytales better, which is essentially the reason I’m not going to branch out too far. I opted to also stick to Western movies so as not to narrow things down, but also in particular “waves hand towards all of Ghibli” amongst many others. There’s a reason the guys in Ghibli are so gender.

2. TW for discussions of rape culture and rape fantasies

EDIT: FUCK I’M A GOBLIN CHILD! FORGOT TO PUT A MASSIVE MASSIVE THANK YOU TO @mimsyaf​ WHO HAS BEEN THE NICEST, KINDEST EDITOR ON THESE THOUGHTS AND CONTRIBUTED SO MUCH TO THEM AND GENERALLY IS A WONDERFUL PERSON!

Part 2

Part 3

1. Introduction

I recently wrote a little thing, which was about Daniel as a fairytale protagonist – specifically one that goes through some of the kinds of transformations that are often associated with female protagonists of fairytales.

I used quotes from Red Riding Hood, Labyrinth, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and Dracula, which, as an aside – the overlap between fairytales, horror, and fantasy and the ways each of those genres delve into very deep, basic questions of humanity and the world is something that will always make me feral. I will be generally sticking with fairytales though. Also I am very excited about some of those Labyrinth concepts going around!

I’m going to use “feminine” and “masculine” in both gendered (as in relating specifically to people) and non-gendered (as in relating to codes) ways throughout this, depending on context.

To be binary for a moment, because sample-sizes of other genders are low, women are usually able to fall into either feminine or masculine arcs, although sometimes the masculine-coded woman can become a “not like the other girls” stereotype and the feminine-coded woman a shallow cliché – in both cases they’re also under more scrutiny and judgement, so it’s always worth asking “is this character not working for me because of the writing or because I have ingrained biases? (Both?)”

Men don’t often get feminine-coded arcs. Because. Probably a mix of biases and bigotry. But there are some that seem to have slipped beneath the shuttered fence of “Sufficient Narrative Testosterone,” and Daniel LaRusso is one of them.

2. Some Dude Comparisons (Men Doing Manly Action-Hero Things like being trans symbolism and loving your girlfriend… seriously those things are hella manly, I wish we saw more of that onscreen…)

a. Neo

Much like Neo The Matrix, whose journey is filled with transgender subtext and specifically and repeatedly references Alice In Wonderland, Daniel doesn’t go through quite the kind of hero's journey usually associated with Yer Standard Male Hero, especially the type found in the 80s/90s.

Neo is my favourite comparison, because of the purposefulness of his journey as a trans narrative and the use of Alice. But I’m sure there are other non-traditional male heroes out there (but are they trans tho? Please tell me, I want trans action heroes).

Neo “passes” as a socially acceptable man, but online goes by a different name - the name he prefers to be known by - feels like there’s something inherently wrong about the world around him and his body’s place in that society, and then gets taken down the rabbit hole (with his consent, although without really “knowing” what he’s consenting to) to discover that it’s the world that’s wrong - not him. And by accessing this truth he can literally make his body do and become whatever he wants it to.

Yay. (The message of the Matrix is actually that trans people can fly).

Neo is – kind of like Daniel – a strange character for Very Cis Straight Guys to imprint on. He spends most of the first movie unsure about what’s going on, out of his depth, and often getting beaten up. He is compared to Alice several times and at the end he dies. He loses. He has to be woken up with true love’s kiss, in a fun little Sleeping Beauty/Snow White twist. Yes, after that he can fly, but before that he’s getting dead-named and hate-crimed by The Most Obvious Stand-In For Normativity, Agent Smith, and being carried by people far more physically capable than he is (people who also fall outside of normative existence).

Trinity and Neo in The Matrix. The fact that a lot of the time neither of them is gendered is something. Literally brought to life by true love’s kiss.

I’m not about to argue that Daniel LaRusso is purposefully written along these same thought processes, so much as the luck of the way he was written, cast, directed, acted, and costumed all came together in the right way. And this is even more obvious when compared to That Other Underdog Fite Movie That Was By The Same Director as Karate Kid.

b. Rocky

The interesting thing about Rocky is that he is (despite being a male action icon) also not written as a Traditionally Masculine person. Large portions of Rocky – and subsequent Rocky films – are his fear and insecurity about fighting vs his inability to apply his skills to another piece of work and wanting to do right by his girlfriend (and future wife), Adrian. The fighting is most often pushed onto him against his will.

Much like in Karate Kid there is barely any fighting in Rocky I. Most of it is dedicated to how much Rocky loves Adrian and the two of them getting together. The fight is – again like in Karate Kid – a necessary violence, rather than a glorified one (within the plot, obviously watching any movie like this is also partly about the badassness of some element of the violence – whether stamina or the crane kick, it’s all about not backing down against a more powerful opponent).

Rocky is played by Sylvester Stallone. He’s tough, he’s already a fighter (albeit in the movie not a great one yet), he’s taking the fight for cash – so although he’s also soft-spoken and sweet, you’re aware of the fact that he’s got those traits that’d make a male audience go “Hell Yeah, A Man,” or whatever it is a male audience does watching movies like that… cis straight men imprinting on oiled muscle men sure is a strange phenomenon, why do you wanna watch a boxing match? So you can watch toned guys groaning and grappling with each other? Because you want to feel like A Man by allowing yourself to touch the skin of other men?

Apollo and Rocky in Rocky III. This sequence also includes prolonged shots of their crotches as they run. Sylvester Stallone directed this. This was intentional. Bros.

Daniel LaRusso is not built like that. But that doesn’t really have to matter. Being smallish and probably more likely to be described as “pretty” than handsome, and not having a toxic masculine bone in his body does not a feminine archetype make. It just makes a compelling (and pretty) underdog. 

c. Daniel

So where does the main difference really lie? Between Rocky and Daniel? Well, Rocky has the plot in his hands – Daniel, largely, does not. Rocky is acting. Daniel is reacting or being pushed into situations by others. Just like our boy Neo. Just like Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Snow White – just like some of the women in some contemporary(ish) fairytale films like Buttercup (Princess Bride), Dorothy (Wizard of Oz), or Sarah (Labyrinth).

This isn’t a necessary negative about stories about girls and women, so much as looking at what it is girls and women in fairytales have/don’t have, what they want, and how they’re going to get it. It’s about power (lack of), sexuality (repressed, then liberated), men, and crossing some taboo lines. It’s also about queerness.

3. The Karate Kid Part One: Leaving Home

Daniel LaRusso is a poor, skinny, shortish kid (played by a skinny, shortish twenty-two-year old) who doesn’t fit in after having been taken away from the home he was familiar with against his will. Not every male protagonist in a fairytale leaves of his own will, and not every female protagonist leaves under duress – Red Riding Hood, for example, seems perfectly happy to enter the forest. However generally a hero is “striking out to make his fortune,” and generally a heroine is fleeing or making a bargain or being married off or waiting for help to arrive. She is often stuck (and even Red Riding Hood requires saving at some point).

Daniel then encounters a beautiful, lovely girl on the beach, puts on a red hoodie (red is significant), is beaten up by a large, attractive bully, loses what little clout he may have had with his new friends, and generally has a mostly miserable time until he befriends and is saved by Mr Miyagi. To do a little Cinderella comparison: Miyagi is the fairy godmother who pushes Daniel to go to the ball in disguise as well, and that disguise falls to pieces as he’s running away.

Then Daniel asks for help, Miyagi gets him enrolled in a Karate Tournament, and starts teaching him. Daniel wins the tournament and gets the girl, the end.

While Daniel has chutzpah and is a wonderful character, none of the big events are initiated by him, except for the initial going to the forest/beach (and within all of these events Daniel absolutely makes choices – I’m not saying he’s passive): Lucille takes them to California, Miyagi pushes him to go to the dance, Miyagi again decides to enroll him in the tournament and trains him, and only because Kreese doesn’t allow for any other option, Ali is the one who more often than not approaches Daniel, and even their first encounter is pushed by Daniel’s friends.

Daniel really is at a dance/ball in disguise and receives a flower from a girl who recognises him through said disguise, it’s unbearable! It’s adorable! I get it Ali, I fucking get it!

Daniel’s main journey within this – apart from not getting killed by karate thugs (love u Johnny <3) and kissing Ali – is to learn from Miyagi. He’s not necessarily a full-on feminine fairytale archetype at this point, although there are fun things to pull out of it, mainly in the context of later films and Cobra Kai: the subtext of karate and how that builds throughout all the stories, the red clothes, the themes of obsession, his being targeted by boys whose masculinity is more than a little bit toxic and based on shame… more on all that coming up.

He doesn’t technically get a home until they build him a room at Miyagi’s place, but he definitely leaves the woods at the end of this one, trophy lifted in the air after being handed to him by a tearful Johnny and all.

And then they made a sequel.

4. The Karate Kid Part Two: Not Out Of The Woods Yet

Daniel’s won the competition, Kreese chokes out Johnny for daring to lose and cry, more life-lessons are given (for man without forgiveness in heart…) and Daniel and Ali break-up off-screen, confirming that TKK1 was not really about the girl after all, which, despite Daniel and Kumiko having wonderful chemistry, is also an ongoing theme. Daniel enters the screen in The Most Baby-Blue Outfit seen since Tiana’s dress in Princess and the Frog? Or that dress in Enchanted? Maybe Cinderella’s (technically silver, but later depicted as blue)? 

(Sidenote: At everyone who says Sam ought to wear a callback to that suit,  you are correct and sexy).

Surprise, Miyagi’s building him a room.

Double-surprise, Miyagi needs to go to Okinawa.

Triple surprise, Daniel reveals he’s going with him, because he’s his son dammit.

The Karate Kid Part Two is maybe the least Daniel-LaRusso-Feminine-Fairytale-Protagonist of the three, because it’s not really his movie. Daniel runs around with Kumiko (aka the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen), continues to be The Best Non-Toxic Boy a middle-aged Okinawan karate master could ask for, lands himself another Built Karate Rival (twice is just a coincidence, right? Right?), and eventually doesn’t die while wearing red again – twice: When Chozen almost strangles him to death at the Miyagi dojo and then during the final fight. The Saving Of The Girl (both the little girl in the storm and Kumiko) actually puts him in a more traditional masculine space than the previous movie did, even if the main theme of the film is about compassion and kindness and by the end, once more the boy whose masculinity is built on rockhard abs and matchsticks is on his knees. Daniel just has that power over big boys. It’s called kick/punch them in the face hard enough that they see stars.

There’s an aside to be made here about how much Daniel really is an observer in other peoples stories in this, although he is the factor that sends both Chozen and Kumiko into completely different directions in life (Chozen and Kumiko main characters when?) Anyway he comes out of it presumably okay, despite being almost killed. Maybe a few therapy sessions and he’ll get over it. Too bad Terry Silver is lurking around the corner…

5. The Karate Kid Part Three: The Big Bad Wolf

Alright people have written Words about the third movie. It’s fascinating. It’s odd. It’s eye-straining. It’s like olives – you’re either fully onboard the madness or it’s too off-putting for you (or you’re like. Eh, don’t see what all the fuss is about either way...). It’s basically a non-consensual secret BDSM relationship between a guy in his thirties (played by a Very Tall twenty-seven year old Thomas Ian Griffith) and a 17/18 year old (played by a shorter twenty-eight year old Ralph Macchio).

Also recently we got more information on Mr. Griffith’s input on the uh… vibes of the film. Apparently it wasn’t just The Sweetness of Ralph Macchio’s face, the screenplay (whatever that amounted to in the first place – release the script!), the soundtrack, the direction to not tone it down under any circumstances, the fact that Macchio categorically refused to play a romance between himself and an actress who was sixteen, no: it was also TIG coming up with fun ways to torture Daniel’s character and suggesting these to the director. Clearly everyone has fun hurting Mr Macchio (including Mr Macchio).

The point is that aaallll of that amounts to that Intense Homoerotic Dubiously-Consented-To D/s subtext that haunts the movie and gives a lot of fun stuff to play with. It’s also a film that – if we’re analysing Daniel along feminine-coded fairytale lines recontextualises his role in this universe.

The Fairytale goes topsy-turvy. Through the looking glass. Enter Big Bad Wolf stage right. Karate is a metaphor for Daniel’s bisexual awakening. 

“Oh, when will an attractive man touch me in ways that aren’t about hurting me?” he asks after two movies of being hurt by boys with rippling muscles. “Why do men continue to notice me only to hit me? Do you think wearing red is making me too noticeable? Anyway, Mr Silver looked really good in his gi today.” 

Daniel’s diary must be a trip.

[meanautisticenbian]

Lilith Clawthorne has Borderline Personality Disorder: an essay

Content warnings: mentions of abuse, cults, and self harm

I don't have much of an intro but I need to get some things out of the way. 

First off, this is an essay that I made mostly for fun and because I feel like more people need to hear about this. I am not excusing Lilith's actions in any way, though hopefully this may explain some of them. 

Secondly, as you might know I have BPD myself. I'm self diagnosed yes, but I still have enough symptoms. I see a lot of myself in Lilith, as well as several traits, and I hope that this essay will be informative.

With all that being said, let's get into the analysis starting with the symptoms that are only hinted at. One of the hallmarks of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of abandonment, which Lilith seems to display disgusted as her desire to cure Eda's curse. If it's not clear enough, Eda's really the only thing Lilith cares about, which makes sense since she's clearly the only thing she has. We know that she isn't super close to Amity, despite what fans want to believe, we don't know if she's formed any positive relationships with anyone in the Emperor's Coven and it would say a lot of she didn't. With all that in mind, she is clearly very close to Eda and whenever she tries to get away from her, Lilith is always either pissed off or saddened. Sure, this could just be because she wants to heal Eda's curse and is most likely being punished by Belos, and that's why this is listed as something that's hinted at. Then again, Catra from She Ra is BPD coded as well and she mostly wanted to bring Adora back to the Horde because Shadow Weaver wanted her and was an abusive piece of shit, but it was pretty obvious that she also just wanted her crush and only friend back, so I don't see how this can't be applied to Lilith as well.

Lilith seems to have a black–and–white view on the people around her and maybe even herself. Whenever Eda escapes her, she suddenly flips from being loving and caring to her and really acting like she cares about her to treating her like she just pissed on her waffles. Her way of viewing other people (mostly Eda) is another symptom of BPD, being a black–and–white view on everything and rapid changes in self image and views of everyone else. One moment she views Eda as a beautiful and loving sister, the next she's just an old woman slowing her down. One moment Belos is a trustworthy leader, next he's a monstrous tyrant. One moment Luz is an annoying child she can use as bait, next she's her only hope in saving Eda.

She seems to harbor some of these feelings to herself as well. One moment she acts like she's fully aware of the baddie she is, and next she seems to hate herself. Another valid explanation is that this could also be viewed as her hiding her insecurities since she is clearly one to hold back those emotions and she only ever seems to let Eda see this side of her (save for Luz in the season 1 finale) but this is still a common BPD trait that seems to fit her so it would make sense.

Now let's move on to the more explicit symptoms. If it's not obvious enough, Lilith has some major anger issues. She was ready to kill Eda after she did as much as annoy her in Covention and tell her how worthless her life is after she (actually Luz) escapes her in Once Upon a Swamp. It was certainly reasonable for her to be upset about Luz accidentally blowing up the side of a building, but she had a worse outburst over her sister rhyming.

Now we move on to what I think is her most obvious trait: her impulsiveness. Like I said before, Lilith tends to have sudden violent outbursts and act without thinking. It doesn't excuse anything she's done but it certainly does explain a LOT.

It could be a possible explanation for why her first instinct was to use Luz as a human shield while she was fighting Eda and threw Luz off a cliff in order to get Eda to use all her magic instead of making a new bubble for Luz or doing literally anything that WOULDN'T harm Luz. This could maybe (key word) also provide an explanation for why she cursed Eda instead of going and talking to her (assuming she didn't), but her disorder seems to stem more from trauma than it does genetics, both of which are ways BPD can manifest.

Mood swings are another symptom she definitely has, but that can easily be paired with the point about her changes in self image and how she views others, as well as the points about her anger and impulsivity, so I won't go into detail about that.

Depression, guilt, and ongoing feelings of emptiness are obvious traits that don't need much explaining.

The last major trait wanna bring up is self harm and self destructive and suicidal behavior. I couldn't really find any point in which she showed any suicidal tendencies or urges to hurt herself and it is most likely that she won't be showing those traits at any point in the future, though I do believe it is possible that the show may depict self destructive behaviors in her. Obviously, she wouldn't be shown cutting or burning herself, but maybe it could be displayed in a more PG fashion such as her not taking proper care of herself or having risky behaviors.

There are nine main traits of BPD and one needs to have at least five of them to get a diagnosis. Lilith seems to exhibit six and possibly seven of these traits. I could end it here by saying that Lilith definitely has BPD and needs a hug, but we're not done yet.

Despite what most people might say about borderline people and how we're depicted, we're more likely to be victims of abuse than we are abusers. Most of the time the trauma from the abuse is the cause of the disorder, for those who don't inherit it. Many people with the disorder have claimed to have been physically, sexually, psychologically or emotionally abused or neglected during their lifetime. We don't know the exact details of Lilith's time in the coven or what it was like for her, all we know is that it was basically a cult and she definitely experienced some form of abuse. We know that emotional and psychological abuse were definitely present in her and Belos's relationship, and there is definitely a possibility that there was some physical abuse as well. As for neglect, there isn't really anything that can support the claim even if it seems plausible, and logically speaking, she most likely wasn't sexually abused simply just because this is a family show, so unless Disney is ok with Dana going THERE, that one's a little too far out of the realm of possibility.

So, where does that leave us? Well if I'm being honest, she definitely seems to have a case of untreated and probably undiagnosed BPD caused by a series of traumatic events. And the thing is, she's only in 6/19 episodes in the series so far, and we've probably only really seen the tip of the iceberg. She could have a lot more going on with her that we will definitely see in season 2, I highly doubt she won't.

Lilith is definitely BPD coded, and whether the rep is intentional or not, it's still something I can consider good rep. It's super rare that you find borderline characters in the media that are not abusers, manipulators, or terrible, irredeemable people in general. Lilith is not a bad person whatsoever, and even if she's not much of a good person either, she's not irredeemable. She certainly has a long way to go, but with proper guidance and psychological help, she will get there eventually.

I would like to finish this off by saying I'm not trying to excuse or condone her actions, I am simply addressing how it's possible for her to be borderline, based on what screen time she has and my own experiences. I just want to express my appreciation for what rep we have, as well as analyzing her character a bit.

Thank you all for reading

- Sunny

[werevulvi]

You know how often I ask myself, why can't I just be normal? It's quite a lot. I wanna talk about something I've never told anyone before, aside from a few strangers online. I've suppressed this my whole life, since childhood. I've acted with anger towards others with the same thing as me, told them how it's offensive and awful. Refused to allow myself to even think about my own urges and desires. It worked for a long time, until I wrote my book this summer, a fiction story about a couple who end up disabled from their dangerous work as assassins. My intentions were just... to try to give good representation and explore something I knew very little about.

So I did a lot of research into my characters' disabilities, and even briefly pretended to have those specific disabilities at home alone, just to get an idea of what it's like to manage daily life with them. It was just a writer's thing, just being a dedicated writer, I told myself, as I researched those disabilities far more in-depth than I did about assassins...

At one point, I would cover my eye with a makeshift eye patch, as one of my main character's loses an eye, and I... it brought forth what I had suppressed my whole life, and I can't suppress it anymore as a result of that. The bottled feelings have escaped and I can't put them back in again.

I think I have Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID.) There, I said it.

It's a very rare mental illness that makes you want to become disabled, usually in some very specific way. Most are males, and most desire amputation, but it can pertain to wanting blindness, deafness, or I guess, any conceivable disability. There's only been a few thousand reported cases, but it's also said to be a very secret disorder, so numbers are probably not accurate. It's very poorly researched, poorly understood, and still not recognized as an actual disorder. So you can't be diagnosed with it currently, and there are no set criteria for it. However, it will be in the upcoming ICD-11 (the International Classification of Diseases.) It will then also be re-named to Body Integrity Dysphoria (BID) as it's being recognized as a form of dysphoria, and as a neurological condition.

And now for the obligatory life story:

I don't remember when it started, but as a child, I'd say roughly age 5 or 7, I was obsessed with fictional characters that had a distinct scar over one eye, and either blind in that eye or entirely missing it. I would on occasion play around with a hand covering one eye, and wished I could have that for real. For a long time, I didn't know why I was so obsessed with that. If I was just admiring that kinda physical feature, or wanted it myself, or both. Throughout my teens and adulthood thus far, I've made a lot of drawings of people with only one eye, and scarred faces. I wrote another book back in 2013 with one of the main characters being a woman with a large scar across half her face. I've always been a little too fascinated with facial deformities, having only one eye, and facial assymmetry. And I've tried to express it with assymmetrical makeup looks (not made to look like I'm injured) throughout my teens and 20's.

So it's been with me for a very long time, even though I've tried super hard to suppress it, and tried to tell myself that I should just be happy to have a mostly abled body. But that wish/urge/whatever it is, has never gone away.

When I first heard of BIID, back in 2016 or so, I was angry, and thought of people with it as despicable. I was in deep denial of how much I could relate to them. Didn't want to think of that. But since learning more about the condition, and listening to others who have it, and learning it is actually a real condition... I guess that has helped me eventually come to this point that, well fuck... it me.

Up until recently, I thought it was just a self-harm desire, as I used to be a cutter, but now I understand that the self-harm was not the intention behind what I want with that, but merely the means to achieve it. Kinda like how I wanted to cut my own tits off before I had my double mastectomy. It wasn't about specifically wanting to injure my chest, but to not have tits anymore, and I much preferred the much safer way of doing it, through proper surgery. However, wanting half my face re-arranged is a little bit harder to achieve through elective surgery, even if surgeons were allowed to treat BIID through surgery. So I do not think my desire to get rid of my left eye and surrounding tissues is about wanting to harm myself. It's about wanting to have and live with the result of such an injury. Although I get that might be very unimaginable.

So then, have I ever made any attempts?

Yeah... I have. Once, I think it was when I was 22, I took a blade to my face, but chickened out, and ended up only making a very superficial cut on my cheek, which I was then extremely ashamed of. I didn't want for people to find out I had made it myself. Since then, I've stopped self-harming and have no desire to make a second attempt. I'm scared I'd fuck it up and cause damage I don't want, or... not enough damage. And I'm worried I'd be beyond myself with shame if I would take out my own eye and then other people would show sympathy for my injury, knowing I'd have caused it myself. I just kinda wish it would happen accidentally somehow.

So, to clarify, my BIID targets my left eye and left side of my face. Why left? Honestly because I'm deaf since birth on my left ear, so it would be extremely inconvenient to be deaf on one side and blind on the other. Much more manageable to have one side be blind-deaf and the other fully seeing and hearing. But at first it didn't matter to me so much which side of my face would be affected. I have no desire to become an amputee or fully blind. I also don't have a fetish for disabled people.

Would I date a disabled person?

Yes, but that's because some attractive people just so happen to be disabled, and I wouldn't think I'm particularly judgemental, not that I find their disabilities in and of themselves attractive.

I try to quell this desire, to lose an eye and half my face, by on occasion wearing an eye patch in secrecy. I know it can worsen my vision, but why on Earth would I mind that? It's kinda what I want. But my mom almost caught me wearing it today as she came by for a quick visit, and I have worn it at the grocery store, and out and about in my village. It feels so damn right, yet so fucking wrong...

Let's tackle this question as well: Do I feel like an ass towards disabled people?

Yes and no. Thing is, I'm already disabled myself. I'm not an abled person to begin with. I live on permanent sickness compensation, classified unable to work, for life, with little to no chance at improvement, due to my autism and adhd. I have the energy levels of an old cellphone that drops to 2% battery ten minutes after being fully charged every time. And I hate it. I hate that there's so much in life that I'll probably never be able to do. So disability, is already part of my life, and always has been. So why then would I want to become more disabled, instead of less? Well, yeah that is what I want...

I've faced a shit ton of ableism since childhood, and I actually think that's why I got BIID. Because my actual disability is invisible and not taken seriously in society. And I think that's what I deep down want: to just have my disability be visible and taken seriously. Physical disabilities are taken more seriously. I've even heard that straight from the mouths of people who have both mental and physical disabilities. How often have I not been called lazy for something I've been literally unable to do, just because I "look" capable? How often do I get to hear I "don't seem autistic?" How often do I get told that autism is not even a disability, but merely a personality trait and being socially awkward? How often do I get told I would be able to work if I just tried harder? All. The. Fucking. Time.

I think that's why, ever since I was a child, I've wanted to have a physical disability, which is fully visible, and cannot be ignored. And what's more visible than the face? We interact with it the most. Because I don't really want to be less capable or lose a lot of movement, I just want for my already disabled existence to be visibly disabled.

So that's a big reason for why I think I have BIID. Which is to say, I don't feel like I'm being an ass towards disabled people, because I'm already disabled to begin with, merely wishing I was more disabled and in a more visible way. Had I been abled to begin with, I think that would have been different, but even abled people with BIID don't choose to have this condition. I read a quote from a person with BIID, who got the amputation he wanted, and he said basically that he didn't know what's worse, having BIID or being disabled. I can relate to that. And I think that is the irony here, that simply having BIID is like being disabled in and of itself already.

That said, however, I do understand why disabled people would be greatly offended, angry, or otherwise insulted, by people with BIID. Honestly I cannot understand why they would not be. I'm greatly offended by people who say they wish they were autistic! And I'm offended at myself for wishing I had a facial deformity and only one eye. Why do I want this!? I keep trying to shake sense into myself. It's what's causing my shame and wishing I could just be normal. No disabilities, and no wish for disabilities I don't have. That'd be great.

There is one more aspect I also feel the need to tackle: Transabled.

BIID has recently been rather often labeled as "transabled" in the same vein as "transracial" (wanting to be another race) and transgender. As a transsexual, this comparison is of course something that I have not missed. I'm painfully aware. This is how I see it, alright: Although I do feel like my body integrity dysphoria is incredibly similar to my sex dysphoria, I feel like it would be extremely rude and tone deaf to identify as for example vision impaired, deaf or an amputee, without actually having those disabilities. And I do not know if anyone actually does this. As far as I've seen, some people with BIID may pretend to have the disability they want (like with me walking around with an eye patch despite having no medical need for it) but they don't lie about it, or they try hard to avoid ending up in a situation where they'd feel pressured to lie. So I dunno how much validity there even is in anyone with BIID genuinely identifying as transabled. But regardless of that, I think it's absolutely abhorrent to identify as disabled in ways you are not. And I'd never tell anyone that I'm missing an eye when I do not.

So, I really do not like the term "transabled" and much prefer the BIID and BID terms. I do not like BIID being conflated with being transgender, although I want to very carefully say that the two conditions are so incredibly similar, that... I think that's another big reason I ended up with both. That I've always felt a strong disconnect from my body, which has merely expressed itself in a wide array of ways, ranging from sex dysphoria to body integrity dysphoria, dissociation and even having previously identified as otherkin. I don't think that's a coincidence at all. But then what caused all of that? I don't think there is a simple answer, but a multitude of reasons, and it may even connect with my autism as well as my trauma.

So, I'd say most likely it's caused by a cocktail of neurological and social issues. I was just clearly meant to be a broken person, making the most of my life with the sucky cards I was dealt, and on good days... I guess I'm kinda okay with that. At least it's not boring. Let's end on that not super tragic note. Feel free to ask me anything, if you’ve got any questions.

[vivithefolle]

I was always confused by Hermiones behavior towards Ron in OOTP. Was she trying to hide her feelings? because she didn't really gave him any signs. Why she was so nasty at him with the teaspoon thing. Was she trying to make him jealous with the letters? What did or didn't she understand from Ron giving her the perfume. Is all this just JKR being stupid because she don't want them together before the very end. Sry for all these questions but I am rly confused can you plz help Vivi?

Once again, I’ll copy one of my Quora essays!

it’s a stereotype to say that girls resort to underhanded tactics when it comes to dating, or like to “test” their partner’s love… but it’s a stereotype for a reason: there are teenage girls who resort to those tactics.

The archetype of the Tsundere exists as an exaggeration of the traits some teenage girls demonstrate when they find themselves in a position of vulnerability such as “having a crush on someone”.

For someone as prideful as Hermione is, having a crush on someone is extremely threatening.

Hermione prides herself in her logic and intelligence. The validation she receives from getting good grades is something she needs, because she’s very insecure deep down. She thinks all she has to offer is her intelligence, and as she goes from a little girl to a young woman, this causes her grief because she doesn’t want to be just “intelligent”. As her body develops and changes, she finds that being the smartest one in the room isn’t enough anymore - she still loves being the smartest in the room, but she wants more than just that, she wants validation for other things. That’s why she was extremely hurt when Ron tactlessly (and Rowling-ly) remarks “you’re a girl” - she wants to be seen as a girl, as a woman, as more than a walking brain. She wants validation that she is a girl, and beautiful, and sexy, and capable of making heads spin. She needs “sexual” validation, for lack of a better term.

Of course she doesn’t really realize those feelings. All she knows is that it hurts when Ron seems to consider her “one of the guys”, or looks at girls that aren’t her. She likes it when he compliments her, but she’s also angry at him because he only ever seems to compliment her intelligence and damn it, she wants him to compliment something else! She wants him to look at her, REALLY look at her! Look at her like he looks at the pretty girls!

Little does she know that Ron does look at her, but he probably thinks he’s a pervert for doing so. Because - because she’s Hermione! She’s not like other girls, she’s not - she’s not the kind of girl you ogle! She’s the kind of girl you gift flowers to - roses, they’re her favourite - the kind of girl you have long, meaningful talks with - not sure if they’re always meaningful, but they sure talk a lot together! - she’s the kind of girl you… the kind of girl you love, not the kind of girl you just look at…

*wistful sigh* Mutual pining, mutual admiration, slow burn, +100k words…

But truth is, many people go around saying that Hermione treating Ron harshly and treating pretty much every boy (with exceptions like Draco Malfoy) more gently is because she actually doesn’t like Ron, and likes anyone but Ron.

When the truth actually is that… Hermione is awful. No, no, seriously, when Hermione is in love, she’s terrible. She can be a nice friend but when she’s in love with you she’s horrible. Especially since she’s a teenager.

Hermione is a prime example of a Tsundere.

The cute, blushy, giggling Hermione who flirts with [insert character here] and cries delicately when she’s rejected? Pure fanfiction. Canon Hermione keeps her love aggressively hidden behind countless iron walls, only letting it peek through when she’s absolutely sure the person she likes isn’t looking.

“How was practice?” asked Hermione rather coolly half an hour later, as Harry and Ron climbed through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. “It was -” Harry began. “Completely lousy,” said Ron in a hollow voice, sinking into a chair beside Hermione. She looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt. - Order of the Phoenix

Rare footage of the Hermione Granger, scientific name Selfinsertus Overratedus, displaying interest in specimen of mighty fine hunk

Hermione isn’t sweet and tender and kind with the one she loves. At least, the teenage Hermione isn’t. She’s harsh, she’s disdainful and only gives out breadcrumbs of affection once in a while as part of the complicated mind game she’s playing.

You see, Hermione is never going to make the first move. You must be the one to ask her out, because she sure as hell ain’t going to do it for you.

This is due, I think, to the events of Goblet of Fire. Viktor Krum asks her out because Rowling absolutely wants Hermione to be the ugly duckling who transforms into the beautiful swan, so she brings in Cardboard Cutout With No Personality Aside From Being Famous to woo her self-insert.

Now Hermione has gotten the experience of being asked out, and being a rather socially awkward person who also hates being vulnerable - more on that later - well, now she just assumes that if someone asked her out once, then anyone who does like her can do the same.

Which is why she doesn’t realize that Ron is actually aware he loves her. There’s a big comedy of assumptions going on in Romione’s love story.

Hermione believes that Ron either 1) likes her but is oblivious to his own feelings and so she thinks she has to “give him hints” to make him realize it. Emphasized best by this exchange:

Hermione laughed. “Harry you’re worse than Ron [at understanding girls]… well, no, you’re not, “ she sighed, as Ron himself came stumping into the Hall splattered with mud and looking grumpy.

“I’ve sent him so many signals and yet he doesn’t notice. Woe is me!”

2) doesn’t actually likes her, but sees her just as a good mate or worse, as another sister.

Hermione keeps flip-flopping between her two assumptions throughout the series, all because of her biggest assumption: she thinks that if Ron was interested in her, he would ask her out. Because Viktor Krum was interested in her, and he asked her out, so why wouldn’t Ron do the same? They’re both boys and she’s a girl, after all. Isn’t that how it works?

This is also why Hermione’s “““invitation”““ to the Slug Club isn’t even an invitation - really, it’s worse than Ron’s invite to the Yule Ball, at least he was actually offering her to come:

“We’re allowed to bring guests,” said Hermione, […], “and I was going to ask you to come, but […] I won’t bother.”

“I was going to ask you to come but I won’t bother.”

This is literally what she says. It’s more of a “look Ron! An invite! If you’re good maybe I’ll think about letting you have it!” than anything else.

It’s because this is Hermione’s last resort. The ultimate humiliation. She has to resort to inviting Ron when in her mind, he’s supposed to be the one asking her out. He’s the boy! He’s supposed to do it! (And this is why I laugh at all the fools who claim that Hermione is the pinnacle of feminism. Seriously, the girl is more of a misogynist than any other character in the series.)

Hermione failed to take into account that Ron’s insecurity cripples him worse than she imagines, and that he copes with it differently than she copes with her own insecurities.

And this is the part where I explain about Hermione’s hatred of being vulnerable.

You see, I can relate quite a lot to Hermione - I see a lot of me in her, and a lot of people who hurt me in the past as well.

Bullied because she was an easy target, being the know-it-all and local teacher’s pet? Yep. Bullied for her appearance (I got braces when I was 8 and have been wearing glasses since I was a toddler, she had her bushy hair and buck teeth)? Can relate. Cried easily? Super check. Rule enforcer when the teachers weren’t around? Mega check.

And naturally, when you’re such a water fountain as I was, there’s nothing more humiliating than ending up crying in front of your bullies. You quickly learn that it will bring you nothing but more bullying. More humiliation. More vulnerability.

Hence why you start despising any form of vulnerability you find in yourself.

Obviously, being in love? That’s one of the most terrible things you can find yourself in when you’re afraid of being vulnerable. Because, oh god, your feelings are completely insane around the person. They make or ruin your day. You keep wanting to show them how cool / great / impressive you are, and you try desperately to mask all your little faults so they will hopefully return your feelings.

Given that Hermione is already not the most socially-aware battering ram in the knife drawer, she acts especially nasty to Ron, because she’s overcompensating for the vulnerability he makes her feel. And she most likely isn’t even aware of it! Forget Fanfic Hermione cringing as she realizes how mean she sounds, welcome Canon Hermione who just doubles down on a pointless argument just to drive home how totally in control she is and how Ron has absolutely zero effect on her, no siree!

In short: Hermione overthinks. She overthinks everything. She’s overthinking every of Ron’s actions, she’s assuming he’s either out to get her because she assumes he’s perfectly aware of her crush on him and he’s just toying with her (this is the very insecure, pessimistic Hermione speaking), she’s assuming he’s completely oblivious to her feelings and so she uses the ages-old technique of the “subtle hints” to make her feelings known to him (and fails miserably because she doesn’t want to put herself out there too much in case he rejects her, which would be the ultimate humiliation and the worst possible thing to happen to her, in her teenage girl mind), and she’s assuming he’ll never like her the way she likes him, all the while being woefully oblivious to the fact that Ron does want to be with her but she keeps sending him signals that she sees him as a troublesome child rather than a potential partner.

All in all, a teenage Hermione in love is utter torture. She’s her own worst enemy, and it’s only when she decides to let go of it all - of the mind games, of the distancing, of the passive-aggressive; of the overthinking - and just takes a chance that her efforts bear fruit.

There was a clatter as the basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione’s arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet.

(As much as I’m disillusioned with Romione, this kiss is still one of my favourite parts of the series. They mutually sweep each other off their feet for god’s sake, you wish your ship would.)

[tvandenneagram]

Hart of Dixie: Wade Kinsella - Type 9w8

Wade is jovial, caring and insecure. While he may appear to be a reckless bad boy at first, Wade has a great heart and cares deeply about the people in his life.

At his best, Wade becomes more driven and wants to be a better person for Zoe. He works towards his goal of owning the Rammer Jammer and his business is quite successful.

At his worst, Wade is insecure and sabotages himself. He has little self-worth and reads negative intent into people. Wade is shifty and believes that Zoe is going to leave him because he isn't good enough for her.

In direct contrast to Zoe's sophistication, Wade is a fairly simple person. He finds comfort in the simple pleasures of playing video games and watching monster trucks. When we meet Wade he is fairly content with his life and does not feel a strong desire to move forward in his career.

While it is not immediately apparent, Wade is a very stable individual and handles his life circumstances quite well. We learn that Wade had a difficult childhood, as his father was the town drunk. As his brother Jesse went off to pursue his degree, Wade felt responsible for Earl and had to act as a caretaker of sorts to him. This led Wade to feeling a sense of resentment towards Jesse as he feels like he is always the one who has to stay behind. I think that Wade feels somewhat abandoned by Jesse and hates that he is bearing the brunt of the responsibility for Earl.

Wade tries to project an image of not caring about anything. I believe this is a defence mechanism he uses to avoid being vulnerable to being hurt. However, we see as the show continues that Wade does care very deeply. For example, every month Earl threatens to jump off a building unless Wade sings him off the ledge. Every month Wade does this without fail despite pretending not to care about Earl.

We also see something similar in his relationship with Zoe. Wade is initially very scared to show how he feels for Zoe because he is afraid that his feelings will be rejected. When they are in the scavenger hunt together Wade is very happy and he thinks that Zoe is reciprocating his feelings. When he realises that this was a ploy to get to George, he is deeply saddened and his walls are built up again. I think that because of this, when Wade and Zoe are dating in season 2 he tries to play it off as casual. I think Wade downplays his feelings because he is so insecure that Zoe will pick George (even though she has told him that isn't the case).

Wade sees how smart and successful Zoe is and feels inferior when he compares himself to her. He is convinced that he is just a pitstop and that she will leave him. I believe that the reason Wade cheats on Zoe is because he wanted to sabotage the relationship. I think that he thought that if he is the one to ruin it he won't get hurt along the way.

I think Wade and Zoe bring out a lot of good qualities in one another. As I touched on earlier, Zoe’s ambition rubs off on Wade and he is motivated to better himself because of her. Likewise, Wade brings out a sense of community and connection in Zoe. She also becomes less elitist and more attached to the town.

Wade shows his wing 8 as he is more rebellious and laid-back than a wing 1 would be. I also think that his conflict with Zoe over the battle of the bands shows his wing 8, as I think he felt like Zoe was trying to control him.

Tri-type: 9w8 - 4w3 - 6w7

Some quotes to describe Wade’s traits and motivations:

“Maybe I'm not 100 percent sure that you [Zoe] wouldn't hurt me if we started things, but I know that I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. And I guess that I realized it's worth the risk.”

“Maybe I wasn't happy being a - a placeholder for George Tucker.”

Wade: “I know it's not fair, but you wrecked by heart, Zoe, and I can't do this again.” Zoe: “What if I promise that I won't hurt you?“ Wade: “I guess... I don't trust that you know how to stop yourself.”

Zoe: “What is our son gonna think? That he can shirk all his grown up responsibilities by batting his lashes and getting some woman to do it for him?“ Wade: “Well it is the Kinsella way.”

Zoe: “Do you think all small towns are like this one?” Wade: “I'd like to think so, but something tells me probably not. I know I love ours.” Zoe: “Me too.” 

Wade: “Sometimes I just think you're just the saddest person in the world. You're always looking over your shoulder wondering what life should be instead of taking it for what it is. You're not honest about what makes you happy. You what I'm going to do tonight, I'm going to go home and play video games for two or three hours.” Zoe: “Oh, good for you. Dream big.” Wade: “What I'm not going to do is beat myself up for playing video games instead of saving the world. If I wanted to save the world, hell, I'll do it tomorrow.” Zoe: “If you have time between video games.” Wade: “EXACTLY! Cause it's my choice. Just like it was your choice to stay in Bluebell, just like it was your choice to be a G.P. instead of a super sonic space surgeon or whatever. And it was your choice to go to bed with me. Clearly and something about everyone of those choices make you happy. The problem is they don't match up with the picture you made up in your head about what your life should be.”

[twdeadfanfic]

You say that you don't want to be on Leah's shoes and that you try to see her side but you would choose Daryl and why to see her side, when she's hateful, made Daryl choose her over his family (when she won't do it for him) and tortured him, and she and her people are murderers, so why you keep writing that you hate her yet then you write you see her side and you blame Daryl.

Okay.

I'm going to start this with a DISCLAIMER because I've experienced firsthand what is to get on the bad side of both people that hate and that love Leah: I do not like her relationship with Daryl, I hate it and I hate even more the way it was written, so I am in no means trying to defend it, or her.

So, with this out of the middle, I' want to answer in two parts.

It got long because I tried to just not hate just for hating (because when I'm mad and heartbroken I am...really not nice) but actually give my ideas and thouhts on her and her relationship with Daryl, so I'm going to put it after read more.

I said I wouldn't like to be in her shoes. Yes, I mean it, I don't need to like her for that (And I don't hate her per se, more the writing, and her relationship with Daryl.)

Why? She will probably have to choose between Daryl and her family. Of course I can go and tell you, oh, of course I'd pick Daryl over anything else. And in my heart it'd be truth. But the thing is, I don't know and I can't know. Because I love Daryl, but I've never had a family the way Leah does, so it's not the same for me to say that of course I'd pick Daryl.

On one hand, Daryl. She loved him and she still does, and can't you blame her, he is Daryl Dixon after all. On the other, her family. It's clear how much they mean to her and how strong their bonds are, not to mention she's brainwashed by Pope, and even with that, she's protective of her brothers and tries to stop Pope from hurting them or yelling at them.

So, yes, even if her family is bad and murderers, they're still her family, she still cares for them, she can't see them as murderers, much less brainwashed like she is...and she still cares for Daryl, because he is Daryl. So, I believe that it's a very hard decision to make, if she has to, and that's why I'm always so on the fence as to what will happen and what she will do.

Second part, Leah being hateful and all that. Again, disclamer, I don't like her and I hate her relationship with Daryl, but...

Do you know why I think she's so unlikeable and such a dull, uncharismatic character and an awful love interest?

Bad writing. It's not her, per se, it's bad writing, and unreliable writing. (Also, of course, their relationship having no base and no build-up...despite the chance to have done it right).

Her relationship with Daryl, their backstory, changes every episode, and so does her.

Her first episode. We have a woman in the woods who meets Daryl, they barely have any interaction or connexion, but suddenly they're close. She tells him a sobbing story about her family, and they're in shagging terms and in love, without us knowing how or what, and never showing their love, trust, intimacy, nothing, what for.

Next scene, again without build-up, their relationship seems very consolidated.

And, out of the blue, without a reason, she asks Daryl to choose her, meaning leaving back his family.

For what we are told in that episode, she knows that Daryl is looking for Rick, she knows why, she knows what happened, she knows about his family and Daryl's story with them. Then, moving to the new season, when Daryl is the cell, she seems to know him very, very well, like he told him everything about him and everything he's done, when she says that he's done bad shit too, that he's talking to her, that she knows him.

So, what we're left to feel, even since her first episode, is that she's someone toxic that out of the blue made Daryl choose her over his family, despite her knowing Daryl's story with his family...that's bad.

And it's made worse when Daryl Dixon, a character whose main trait used to be loyalty and love for his family, ends up choosing her (without us having seeing why or their love)...but she's gone.

But, what happens now, with this new season? Unreliable writing.

As I said, when Daryl is on the cell, she speaks like she knows him deeply (and that's what we were told in their first episode together too, even if badly written), more than almost anyone perhaps...

...yet, it doesn't seem she knew about Alexandria or Hilltop, despite knowing it all, and knowing about Daryl's family.

I believe this is because, since the reapers were looking for a place to stay and food, for plot reasons the writers needed that place to be Maggie's, not Alexandria or Hilltop, so they needed Leah not to know...but now, it just looks like bad unreliable writing to me.

Might be (but this is mostly my writer mind) that she did know about those settlements but didn't want to bump into Daryl as she felt he abandoned her, or didn't want to have to kill his family and maybe himself, unless she needed to...but I don't see it. The Leah we more often than not see, would have murdered them no question...but as her writing is unreliable, the Leah they tried to sell us in episode 7 for like 3 minutes only, the one Kang says is sweet, caring and protective and Daryl fell for, that one, I guess she'd have tried not to kill them.

Let's assume she doesn't know about the settlements.

Going back to the point, unreliable bad writing, and does she know or not know Daryl so deeply?

In episode 7, she's talking to Daryl, about having a group, yada yada, and she says how Daryl's always on his own, so he can't understand what is like to have a group that relies on you and that you have to provide for.

What???

Leah believing that goes against everything we've been told before. That she knew about Daryl's family and Daryl's time with them, and why he, back when he was with her, didn't dare to face them and felt guilty. She knew he had a group that he lived with, helped, proved for...like, just an episode ago, she knew. Now she doesn't.

The writing is just...why so bad? It baffles my mind.

But, if we look at it that way...if she didn't know Daryl had a group to provide for and rely on him...then it's not that bad that she asked him to stay with her? It'd be understandable, she wouldn't be so hateful, she didn't know... But it's not really the case, it would be if it weren't because when she asks, she uses the word family! She talks about Daryl's family! She does too when he's in the cell! But now she thinks that Daryl never had a group to provide for and rely on him, and he on them? What is his family then???

Seriously, the writing kills me.

They don't know how to write their relationship, just that they want people to support it and ship it, so they try to put everything in it that they think people might like (wrongly), and change it from a scene to another...maybe that's why they never bother to build it up, I even doubt they thought about it, that it was just "Daryl has a love interest now" and didn't care to think why or developed it, it's something that doesn't interest them, as they just want it to further the reapers plot and to make Daryl have a love interest.

They don't know why to write her either, and it looks like they just try to badly make a character that people might seem cool and so they went like: Loner, fighter, strong, loving, sweet, mean, caring, protective, murderer, harsh, family person, loyal...without actually caring to make a person and build her up, to the point she has no personality, no charisma, nothing, and that she changes from scene to scene, unreliable, bad writing.

But they're trying to sell her and the relationship hard.

Even though, each episode, is clear they didn't know each other...because the writers didn't care that they did, because their relationship changes from episode to episode, because it was not important to write it or build it, I guess. And it's a shame that this is Daryl's grand love story, with no intimacy, trust, or nothing, and it kills me.

I don't think that Norman saying that what gets Daryl is sweetness, and Leah actually being harsh and cold at the beginning... and now Kang saying that she's sweet and trying to badly show it for 2 minutes in an episode, is coincidence, honestly, I think she's done it for what Norman said and for what clearly, we all think too.

And you know what Norman said (sure he wasn't expecting this bullshit of a romance for Daryl lol), if Daryl ever fell in love, he'd mate for life...well, there it is, his long live romance, whether she dies soon or lives the whole season.

And it's such bullshit that it's so badly done, and written, with so little care.

Anyway, I've talked enough and I'm going to piss off 99% of you enough without needing to write more lol.

EDIT: I feel I took this anon as an attack and now I think it might not have seen so, apologies, but I still stand with I have written.

[fenharel-babe]

I'm back in my Solavellan feelings and want to talk about my lavellan and Solas. I saw these prompts and decided to post that now. I'm going to answer each one (other than the nsfw ones) and here we go. Putting it under a keep reading just in case no one cares lol.

For the Fluff:

1. What are things they both find funny?

Solas and Bloom both love when Cassandra and Varric banter. They just find it hilarious because Cassandra is nice at some points but she can be angry while being funny. They just find both of them too funny.

2. If they could each describe each other in one sentence, what would it be?

Solas describe Bloom as, "A complicated woman," and Bloom describes Solas as, "A complicated man." They're both complicated on the surface and they just stick to that description. But if people ask for what do they like about each other, then OH BOY!!! They could go on a rant.

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say?

Solas would compliment Bloom by saying how she always notices the good in people. She always tries to make people feel better, help them heal, and just help people in general. She cares for people and the way she sees the good in people, and it makes him love her.

Bloom would compliment Solas by saying she loves hearing him ramble and how adorable it is. Solas rambles and we ALL know it. He'll talk about the fade or magic for hours and Bloom loves to hear all of it and she finds his passion adorable.

4. What would be their ship name?

Blas because it's close to blast and Bloom will blast you away if you ever hurt her family. It has Bl from Bloom and as from Solas lol.

5. What activities do they enjoy together?

Hmmm...they enjoy a lot of things together. I guess the one thing they could mainly enjoy together is reading. They both like to read and find it fun. But the part they both enjoy the best is reading to each other. Like Lavellan is resting her head in Solas's lap and he's reading whatever to her or Solas is resting his head in her lap and she's reading to him. It's comfortable and that's an activity they like.

Another one is taking naps together.

6. What is/are their love language(s)?

Physical attention. I believe Solas does like it when he gets physical attention. He's like...however old and he's definitely touch starved, but only for the person he loves: Bloom. They both like getting physical attention and like holding hands, kissing, hugging, nsfw things, and they do like words. They love being told "I love you" from the other and it brings them so much comfort. They love it when they comfort each other.

7. Write a ~300 word love scene for them.

Solas was looking at Bloom again. She was resting on the couch in the Rotunda, few pieces of hair falling in front of her face, and was slightly snoring. He worked in the Rotunda all the time and she would visit him all the time. Even before they confessed to each other. They love being together, so if she was ever stressed, she would come here and check on him. He would accept the attention and he would give her as much comfort as she needed. This time, she came because she had a bad dream. She was being chased by demons and was witnessing Solas's death in the future that Alexius tried to make. He knew she suffered from the mere memory, so he would never shun her away. He would do whatever she wanted and this time she just wanted to be in the same room with him.

She groaned in her sleep and it made him worry. He marked the page he was on in his book and went over to her. He knelt in front of her and pulled the pieces of hair back behind her ear. She moved slightly and it made him freeze, but she didn't move again and he was relieved. He looked at her closer now and he got to see the sight he loved. He loved to see her at peace, something he rarely got to see, and when she slept he got to see it. It made him feel happy and he just staring at her made him feel blessed. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently. He hoped she wouldn't wake, but she did.

She opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him. "Hi, vhenan."

Solas blushed at that word and decided to kiss her again to hide it.

8. What were their first impressions of each other?

Bloom found Solas as interesting and she really wanted to know more about him.

Solas found her as rude and distant. Only to realize she's just anxious and actually loves almost everyone.

For the Angst:

9. Have they made each other cry?

Have you seen the ending of Trespasser??? YES!! They have. They never used their words to hurt each other and make them cry, but their actions have. Solas leaving made Bloom cry, Bloom having a dream of Solas being dead made her cry, and seeing him again in Trespasser made her cry.

Now, Solas cried a lot. He hides it, but he does cry a lot. He cares for Bloom a lot, more than he thought he would, so seeing her hurt? It makes him upset. One time, she was knocked out for quite awhile because she used a lot of her energy, and Solas was so concerned and he cried. So yes they cry about each other a lot.

10. Write a ~300 word argument scene for them.

I can't exactly do this one because they rarely argue :(.

11. What causes them to fight?

Umm...the only thing that could make them fight would be Solas telling Bloom to do something she doesn't believe in. Solas telling her that she's too kind hearted and almost implying she's weak. That would really hurt her and she would argue. It would be a short argument because she would leave since she doesn't want to argue. They would both come together soon and they'll explain their side and almost always feel better.

12. Do they have differing political opinions?

Yeah. I'm not good with the politics in like DA, but it's obvious they do bc he's Solas and she doesn't know the things he does, so they do have different opinions. It's why they avoid that topic lol.

13. Name something they would never do for the other person.

Bloom could never let him destroy the world. Like she would never help him. Does she love him with her entire soul? Yes. But she can't destroy the world.

Solas would never just forget his past for her. You can take this as in he has to destroy the world or just that he can't stop the mission of at least sharing the word of his people. He just can't forget his past.

14. What would be a dealbreaker?

Destroying the world is a deal breaker for Bloom lol. Or just anything regarding to hurting people for the fun of it.

Deal breaker for Solas would have to be her hating on his old life. Like?? Excuse me?? Bloom would never but still. If he had someone do that then he'd have to leave them.

15. What are traits they dislike in one another?

Bloom doesn't like the way Solas is constantly not looking at other peoples POV. He just thinks about his past and sometimes needs to be reminded not everyone is like him and he needs to think about it like them.

Solas doesn't like the way Bloom is always sacrificing herself.

16. If they broke up, what would be their opinions of each other?

They would still love each other. They have broken up like twice already now. First in DAI and then again in Trespasser (not rlly but ya get it?? He left her once and then he did it again lol). They would still love each other and wouldn't move on. They would still believe that they are a good person (Even if Bloom's opinion of that good person is in doubt) and almost have the same opinions.

For the Depth:

17. What senses (sights, smells, feelings, etc). remind them of each other?

Bloom is reminded of him when she sees green clothes. She's reminded of his clothes he would wear, how she would take them off in the heat of the moment, and how she would sometimes sleep in them. And!! Seeing wolves or animals would sometimes remind her of him. He liked animals and talked about them and since he has a jawbone, if she saw a wolf she'd immediately think about him. The smell of the woods would remind her of him.

Solas is reminded of her when he sees anything blue or ginger. Blue was her favorite color and she almost always wore blue clothes, and her hair was ginger. Seeing anything ginger would remind him of her, her hair, and how he would run his fingers through it when she was stressed or sad.

18. What would be their love motto?

"To love is to understand each other, trust each other, and want to protect each other."

19. If they could each write a single line in their marriage vows, what would they be?

Bloom: "You make my fire brighter and make me feel like I can do the impossible."

Solas: "You understand me and see things in me I can't see myself."

20. What is a promise they have made to each other?

To love forever. Solas knew he wouldn't love anyone like he loves her and she knew she wouldn't love anyone the way she loves him, so they made a promise.

Away from their love, it's a promise to always be true to each other...even though that promise is very sad...because you know-

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

I think they've both changed for the better. Bloom slowly learns she can't sacrifice herself and that it's okay to love someone no matter what. Solas learns that everyone is suffering in their own way, how precious people are, and how to love again.

22. If their lives were what was originally intended at birth, would they have still fallen in love?

Umm...Bloom was meant to be a hunter and stay in a clan, so I doubt they would have met. BUT if they ever did, they most likely still would have fallen in love. Bloom was still the same no matter what. He probably would adore her more because she can fight physically and also use her magic.

23. Write a ~300 scene between them with no dialogue, only body language.

They were in her bedroom, getting undressed for bed, and he finally wrapped his arms around her. Bloom felt relief when Solas wrapped his arms around her. She had been through a stressful day, so to feel his arms around her, it made her feel safe. The warmth he radiated brought her peace, and then the coolness he gave her made her feel even better. Anything involving him made her feel loved, so to just feel him made her happy.

Uhhh....I can't write just body language. I need to write dialogue so my bad. Take 79 or 80 words lol.

24. What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

Bloom has to forgive him for trying to destroy the world lol.

Solas doesn't really have anything to forgive her for. She's always been careful around him, not overstepping boundaries, and they rarely fought. He just feels the need to forgive himself and understand why she forgives him.

Anyways yeah take this!! I might do more prompts like this. I just love them so much. I might do Cullen and Elle and Julian and Cassandra!! And there's not much proofreading so :))).

[jokerfan99]

My Top 10 Favorite Anime Villainesses by DarkChild316

Evil has never looked this good! Hello everyone and welcome to my list of my FAVORITE, not the best, but my favorite anime villainesses of all-time. So, I've had the luxury of watching and revisiting a lot of anime recently with everything that's been going on, and there’s been quite a few villainous ladies that have caught my eye, so I figured I should give it a go and do a list of My Favorite Anime Villainesses. So, with that said, here's my list:

#10. Diva (Blood+): This was one of the first anime I remember watching as a young kid, and this lovely lady easily caught my eye more than anyone else in the entire show. I can honestly say that I felt that Diva was more relatable than her sister Saya was (my opinion people, just saying) mostly due to her backstory and how she was kept locked away for most of her life while Saya was treated like a princess. I will admit that her rape and murder of Riku was shocking and it did piss me off a bit, but she ultimately won me over again with her treatment of her unborn children at the end when I got to see the caring side of her that I hadn't seen from her towards anyone else, including her own Chevaliers. Ultimately, Diva is one of my favorite tragic villains of all-time.

#9. Mugino Shizuri (A Certain Magical Index):  Don't let the beautiful supermodel looks and gorgeous frame of this buxom beauty fool you. Mugino Shizuri is a woman who's looks are only matched by her ability to physically melt people's heads off. Add to that the fact that she's a total basket case who slowly devolved into a cold-blooded murderer who was willing to kill her own ITEM teammates for even the slightest betrayal, and you my friend have a recipe for a..."beautiful disaster" (that is an excellent pun, sit down somewhere!)

#8. Annie Leonhardt (Attack on Titan): Attack on Titan is a show I've recently started getting into and it's cast of characters really capture my imagination. One of the characters that really stands out to me is Annie, not just because she uses one of my favorite fighting styles in Muay Thai kickboxing (which she uses to devastating effect), but also in her introverted and isolated personality which serves as almost a dark mirror of Mikasa Ackerman. In a world full of terrifying monsters in human form, Annie sticks out as the most unsettling because of how coldly apathetic she remains to her individual actions as a double agent sent to wipe out humanity, and one can never truly tell if she might shake your hand or snap your neck.

#7. Rize Kamishiro (Tokyo Ghoul): Poor Kaneki, it really looked like he'd found the girl of his dreams when he met Rize Kamishiro. She was stunningly beautiful, mature, well-read, and seemed to be genuinely interested in him. Alas, he was soon to learn the harsh reality behind this beautiful face, as she lured him in, only to literally take a bite out of his heart (or neck, depending on how you want to look at it). As it turned out, Kaneki's 'dream girl' is actually a nightmarish ghoul with a ravenous taste for human flesh, and poor Kaneki was on the menu. If not for some steel beams falling on top of her, there likely wouldn't have been anything left of the poor guy.

#6. Raynare (Highschool DXD): Now take everything I just described about Rize and add just a touch of sadism, and you get this fallen angel beauty. Honestly, that's how I've always viewed Raynare's character, as a far more sadistic version of Rize Kamishiro, and when you look at then two, it's not hard to see the similarities between the two: Both manipulated and betrayed the respective male leads of their respective anime by posing as sweet, gentle, kind and shy young women; both are incredibly sadistic, manipulative, and ruthless, and most of all, both continued to haunt Kanenki and Issei even after their deaths due to their betrayals. Although I'd say that Raynare is just a bit more psychotic and sadistic than Rize is, which puts her slightly higher on my list. Also, major bonus points for Rayare's light-based abilities that serve as a great foil to her sinister personality.

#5. Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa): OH I FUCKING LOVE THIS WOMAN! If ever there was a title for "craziest bitch on the block", Junko would take that title and then laugh about it in your face. What other woman would be crazy enough to set up a series of sadistic killing games that would make Jigsaw stand up in appreciation under the guise of a sadistic teddy bear, murder their own twin sister, and even axe off THEMSELVES when their plans go awry! Yeah, Junko is crazier than your average bird, but damn if that doesn't make her all the more appealing, doesn't hurt that she's hot as hell either!

#4. Lust (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood): Well it's really all right there in her name isn't it! One of the Seven Homunculi, an artificially-created human being infused with a Philosopher's Stone, Lust encapsulates everything that is both alluring and dangerous about her given Sin. Her sensual voice, body, and nature can bring any man to their knees, traits she's more than willing to use to further Father and the Homunculus's goals. And when her target's usefulness is done, they usually find themselves on the receiving end of one of Lust's razor-sharp nails. Unfortunately for her, as hot as she may be, Roy Mustang's flames were even hotter!!!

#3. Cinder Fall (RWBY): When I first started watching RWBY, Cinder was one of the characters that caught my attention almost immediately. The way she played the role of being the ruthless master manipulator just enthralled me like I'd never seen before. I'd seen great manipulators in anime before, but Cinder had the feel of almost an expert chess player, manipulating the pieces around her, and always staying two steps ahead of everyone else in her attempts to checkmate the King. But wat truly sold me on Cinder as a detestable villain, was two incidents in particular, and I think every RWBY fan knows what I'm talking about: Her murder of Pyrrha Nikos, and her attempted murder of Weiss Schnee. Those two incidents to me added a touch of sadism to her character and put her over the top as a truly great villain in my eyes. Oh, and it also helps that she's a total pyromaniac with Fall Maiden powers that can roast you like a Thanksgiving turkey. Yeah, definitely NOT the kind of woman you want to get on her bad side.

#2. Medusa Gorgon (Soul Eater): Ah yes, Medusa! The only woman who could make Orochimaru lust for her (and I'll fight anyone who disagrees with that statement!) But in all seriousness, I can see why people often compare Medusa to Orochimaru as the similarities between the two are incredibly stunning: Both have an affinity for snakes; both are genius scientists with a total lack of care for human life; Both have shown an ability to jump from one body to another, like a snake shedding its skin; and both have shown the ability to manipulate almost anyone to their cause. What makes Medusa even more unique however is her treatment of her own child Crona, treating Crona as a mindless killer and never showing any real form of love or emotion towards her own child except when that child can help further her own twisted desires. Yeah, Medusa definitely won't be winning any "Parent of the Year" awards.

#1. Esdeath (Akame ga Kill): Admit it! You KNEW it was gonna be this woman didn't you, c'mon now! Anyone doing a list of their favorite anime villainesses that DOESN'T make Esdeath #1 is just wrong! She's got everything you could ever want from a great villainess: She's a total sadist with a Social Darwinist personality and a total lack of empathy for humankind. She's incredibly powerful with her mastery over ice thanks to her Teigu "Demon's Extract"; Plus she's a woman who lives for her love of conflict, and her love of Tatsumi (lucky bastard!) Add to that the fact that she registers a perfect 10 in sexiness, and you've got a recipe for my favorite female anime villain!

So that's my list, what did you guys think about it? Love it, hated it? Go on and tell me what you think and let me know who your favorite anime villains are. See you soon!

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/darkchild316

[ksbwnotes]

Chapter 8, Part 2

*groans in hands* I have to finish reading everything by September 14. I have no clue if I have the drive for this, but fuck me for having more determination to read this than any of my nursing books...

1. ...So it...wasn’t because...he was killing his prey???

Oh my god I hate that smirk on your face Sangstop.

But...now that does make me wonder if this is true and to what extent it’s true. Bum has been picturing Sangwoo slicing into women while he was downstairs and we also see Sangwoo’s hands often damp. So honestly, installing that pulley can’t be the only things he does there.  

Actually now that I think about it, the dampness is more from having to clean the basement and making sure there’s no residue from the woman that he killed. He’s very thorough. 

But...that pulley. Maybe he really did install that just in case?  He’s starting to use methods he has never did before. Because he has an outlier in his life now that he never expected. So he needs different types of punishments whenever Bum steps out of line, things that won’t break Bum completely like blades and sledgehammers will. If he’s going to keep Bum by his side and properly train him, then he can’t keep using the same methods he uses to kill his victims. 

Because, ultimately, he doesn’t want to kill Bum. (later on, when he does decide he’ll kill Bum, we see him reach a new level of destruction that he wasn’t capable of earlier. He had to break more in order to reach that point. So, losing Bum made Sangwoo lose whatever little hope he had and, metaphorically, killing Bum means Sangwoo is killing whatever hope he had)

2. *wince* yep

God your reactions are delayed, but...yeah. 

Sangwoo’s first reaction was to treat Bum favorably with a little kiss. To show that, yes, that’s one of the correct actions Bum could’ve taken--one of the ways to change his mind. But 1) Bum still came onto him sexually. Sex seems more of a trigger for Sangwoo (honestly, I think 99% of the women Sangwoo has slept with have died lol). 2) If Sangwoo let Bum have his way, then Bum will have the upperhand and he can’t have that. This is about making sure Bum knows what he did wrong and that he won’t do it again. 

So even if a part of him does like what Bum did, it’s not something he can overall accept. 

Oh one thing about his delayed reactions...it might be another coping mechanism of his?  As a way to build up resistance to what he’s about to do. Whenever he does something impulsively, you see him lose it. But when he takes the time to do things, his expression is more dead-eyed than wild-eyed. 

3. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

But i still can’t help but laugh lsjg;ijeog

Also, Bum, please...just...connect the dots faster please...but one notable thing about his character is that he doesn’t. While Sangwoo experiences delays in understanding, Bum disconnects entirely from the reality. Koogi keeps this trait of his goddang consistent.

4. Wait what the fuck

This is...worse than cutting???  You can literally snap someone’s neck with the force of pulling them up straight from the ground. How is this supposed to be a better option??  Also, lets be real, Bum’s trachea would’ve been done in by the force of this. Honestly, I’m surprised Bum’s jaw is fine. Fkk, what about the SPINE, HUH SANGWOO!!??!?!? The fact that Bum’s still able to even speak afterwards and does not have burn marks from the rope is...is whyyyyy this is a piece of fiction, Aetas, not real life sjgo;erjg.

Anyways, okay, so Koogi must have chosen this as Sangwoo’s alternative for a reason and I do think Sangwoo believes this is genuinely a better option. Even though, just speaking from personal experience dealing with patients, they always respond more dramatically to airway closure than blood loss. 

If I think about my earlier idea, he uses violence not really as a sexual outlet (though, probably at this point, he doesn’t know how to get off without--at the very least--being rough and treating his partner as an object), but as a way to hurt people in the way he has perceived them hurting him. The bonus is giving them bruises and scars that he can see--visible marks for the invisible pain they’ve given him. It’s...validating for him, maybe?

So, this way, Bum is still suffering and being punished for making Sangwoo ‘suffer’, but won’t have visible marks. In this way, this is less validating for Sangwoo because there’s no “proof” of pain, so Sangwoo perceives it as less painful. Because he’s a fucking asshole and that’s putting it too kindly (lol Sangwoo worsening instead of getting better and dying at the end is literally the only reason why I decided to read this and why I respect Koogi).

Also, from what I see later, Sangwoo knows for how long he can hold Bum there without him dying. So I’m not sure who the hell he is tried this on...says me who literally used fkkn google to research how long it takes for someone to pass out from hanging. Which can range anywhere from 3 seconds to 1.5 minutes. So. It varies lol. 

Ohhhh also this is much faster than cutting Bum open. That probably could’ve taken half an hour to even more than that if Sangwoo went that route. But with hanging, Sangwoo knows it can only go for so long, which is why he doesn’t go for more than one session of this. Bum can suffer for either 30 seconds via a very acute session of asphyxiation or he can suffer for thirty minutes or more via cutting. 

Ohhh this is actually very smart of Sangwoo. I can see now why he chose this. He understands that hanging is much scarier and will make the victim really feel like they’re gonna die. So, this explains why Sangwoo decided to set this up for Bum. Because he believes only Bum would be able to prove that, yes, Sangwoo can choose the alternative because he won’t hurt Sangwoo past the point of no return (in a way, death for the victim means that Sangwoo can no longer forgive them because the pain they gave him is just as bad as death). 

5. I don’t have anything to back this up, I really don’t, BUT--

Even though Sangwoo is smiling like an insane freak, it...kind of seems like he’s emulating all the hollywood serial killers we’ve seen on TV. People who are doing this smile like they’re truly enjoying life and blah blah blah. Honestly, Koogi probably means Sangwoo to be like this, like the classic serial killer that gets off other people’s pain.

But for me, it’s like Sangwoo is acting a part. Again, the eyeless thing. Sangwoo is taking on a persona--rather than truly allowing his brain to be present, to think about the situation for himself--that is meant to enjoy this just for the sake of it. 

I also don’t think Sangwoo ever goes into these things planning to kill his victims right then and there. Like, right now, I don’t think he’s planning to actually hang Bum to his death. I can assume Sangwoo has done enough research to know when to stop so that they don’t actually die (but again, it will depend on how his victim responds to the hanging). 

Because Sangwoo keeps giving Bum (and all his other victims) a chance. He probably gave CEO girl a chance right before deciding to kill her because, unlike Bum, she kept screaming and begging for her life. That is why Bum won. Because he proved worthy of a ‘second chance’.

And back to not wanting to actually kill them, that’s because killing them means he’s alone again. I honestly think he’s only doing this to people he has genuinely felt attached to in some way. He wants them to save him. To say, no, he’s not a monster, that he’s still worthy of being loved, that the way his mother loved him is not the type of love he deserves.  

If they’re unable to save him, then that means they’ll only destroy him. And, so, he must get rid of them first before that happens.

6. Seriously no hands why the fuck and what the fuck Sangwoo

Okay, this is gonna be a loooooong one.

And this ties in with my idea about how Sangwoo never actually goes in with the conscious plan to kill his victims (this is very similar to how Bum goes in thinking of one thing, but his actions end up suggesting something entirely different). 

It’s like he ends up killing them as a reaction to what they did

Similar to someone shooting a home invader dead and having it be self-defense

Also, this acts as a mitigating technique to avoid any guilt he feels

I think this also ties in to why Sangwoo doesn’t ‘plan’ things too deeply and just takes things step by step

Because the more he thinks about what he’s doing, the less he’s able to see himself as a human. 

In a way, Sangwoo’s guilt and shame is driving him to do things that just worsen his guilt and shame. 

Because he knows he can never be forgiven

He can never forgive himself 

The reason why he wants someone to magically save him is because ‘helping him’ is a two way street

A hand may reach out to him, but he has to be the one to take hold of it--and it won’t end there

He has to trust the hand to keep a hold on him, no matter what happens--and he has to put in continuous effort to keep holding on as well. 

He cannot trust someone to not only help him, but keep helping him and, more than that, he cannot trust himself. 

He has no hope in the world around him and has no hope for himself, so in a way, the constant killing is a self-preservation act as well

Since, subconsciously, he knows that he cannot live a normal life because of everything that has happened--

--and the world keeps going on in their own bubble despite his pain--

--He has to do something to keep that from crushing him. 

So, instead of killing himself, he’ll continue killing others because it’s what he’s familiar with anyways. And in survival, familiarity is necessary--a form of homeostasis--because that is when protection is possible.

And actually, back to that wanting a savior part. 

Sangwoo has never once been truly protected

He has never felt a sense of security as a child

So, to protect himself, he has made himself impenetrable--stronger and always making sure he has the upperhand 

Anyone who threatens him in any way should be dealt with swiftly so that they never take away his sense of security

So, wanting a savior seems totally opposite of what he should want, but everything he’s done to strengthen himself is in response to never having someone protect him

He wants to be protected for once

He wants someone he can rely on to guide him every step of the way, to be there for him when he’s weak and be his strength

It is something he has been looking for in every one of his victims and Bum is the closest that he can get to fulfilling it

Unfortunately, a savior is exactly what Bum is not. 

And a savior is exactly what Sangwoo does not fkkn need to get better, if he even can at this point.

There are no such things as saviors, just like there are no such things as protagonists. The moment you put ‘getting better’ as someone else’s responsibility rather than your own, you’ve made it so that you can never get better. 

7. Goddang boy, you really know you have nothing else but the grave waiting for you

Hmmmmn...actually, this is...huh. Oh. Okay. Okay. Uhm. So. 

Remember when I said that Sangwoo doesn’t go into these things planning to kill his victim??  Okay so that’s not wrong...but not right either. 

I thought that Bum did the whole hanging this solely as an alternative punishment, which I still think has merit, but now I’m like...okay so, Sangwoo does every little thing he can to make it so that no one can love him. He tries to make it fkkn impossible, which he succeeds at. 

He knows that hanging will bring out more dramatic effects from a person. And Bum has this thing where he can say one thing, but then completely do a 180 from it. And asphyxiation can really force someone to be more...open about their thoughts lol. It’s the lack of blood to the brain, so the brain will have less barriers to keep their filter in check. 

I don’t think he made the pulley as an alternative or lesser punishment, but as a “finality”. He gets that Bum is crossing into ‘unforgivable’ territory, but at the same time, is at the ‘I can still save you’ precipice, which is a hope that is more destructive to Sangwoo. Having that hope then it being torn down will be the last act that destroys his sanity (which is exactly what we see at the end of the comic). 

Because, in a way, he’s still controlling himself in his killings. He’s not just killing anyone, he’s specifically choosing his victims, which reduces the amount of people he kills. If he has to keep on killing, his conscience will make it so that he won’t just start going on random killing sprees and making the body count explode. That is the last tether he has to his sanity.

So, before that tether snaps--by way of having his hope destroyed completely by people like Bum--he’ll put an end to it before it gets any further. This hanging thing was meant to bring out the ‘truth’ from Bum. It was meant to break down all the barriers and finally show his true colors. Which is when Sangwoo can kill Bum via hanging. This will be very different from what he has done before, but Bum was different as well. So him breaking from his habits is his way of applauding Bum. 

 8. Sangwoo’s Doki Doki moment lol

I like how Koogi put those black lines in there as a form of a ‘blush’, but not actually a blush because nothing about this moment is romantic lol. And that ‘thump’ is a facsimile of a person’s heart beating when falling in love.

I honestly think this is the moment where Sangwoo falls in Lima Syndrome. 

Sangwoo is expecting Bum to react in a way that will finally let Sangwoo kill Bum once and for all. Screaming ‘motherfucker’ again. Curse him and say he will die a painful death, like his mother. Beg ‘please’ and for help, like CEO daughter. Anything but Bum still calling Sangwoo’s name, like he’s still a human instead of a monster. 

Just like my first instinct to be like “fucker this is way worse than cutting someone” and reminded me of why Sangwoo should die, Sangwoo knows that what he’s doing to Bum warrants Bum treating him like a monster. But from Sangwoo’s point of view, that isn’t what Bum is doing.

9. Lol, Sangwoo, stop fucking romanticizing this oh my god

KOOGI. STOP OH MY GOD. NO. YOU’RE KILLING ME. SANGWOO’S EXPRESSION. NO. DON’T. I WANT TO STRANGLE MY HEART FOR MAKING ME FEEL FOR THIS FUCKER.

But seriously. This expression. It’s like Sangwoo’s prayers are actually being answered and he can’t believe it. It’s like he’s looking at God reaching out to save him from all the demons threatening to pull him down into hell. There’s this heartbreaking sense for hope and Sangwoo is so scared that it will fall through his fingertips and shatter on the ground at his feet. 

But it is worthy to note that Bum calling out to Sangwoo via his name is actually pretty normal. I think it’s more common for children calling out for their parent to stop, because the person who is hurt them is more often then not the only person who can help them. And if throwing away your pride to appeal to your abuser is the only way to make this pain stop, then no fucking duh they will. 

Just because Bum is the only one who has done so at this point doesn’t mean Bum is ‘special’. He’s a fkkn human being who has been abused ever since he was a child and is familiar with the other ways of begging for his life. If anything, I think this is more indicative of how specific Sangwoo’s victims are and that he hasn’t actually killed that many people. 

10. Goddang Koogi, so much respect for you

Seriously, the way Sangwoo reacts to this is the same way when he later reacts to Bum saying “I love you” while Sangwoo is raping him. 

So going off of that future incidence, Sangwoo here is being affected by Bum on a personal level. This is the level where, if triggered, the more he’ll want to keep Bum by his side because this is the closest Sangwoo can get to genuinely/healthily loving someone. 

But the thing is, THIS is how he reacts to it. With aggression. And there’s this muscle twitch at the corner of his mouth that even suggests fear. Because that is how Eunsoo conditioned Sangwoo to react to ‘love’. Love is not something to desire, it’s something to repel because it’s a threat to your existence. But, of course, Sangwoo still wants love--he wants to be shown how love was meant to be in the first place. 

And that is why he saves Bum. 

Because Bum is his only--damning, dangerous, terrifying--hope for experiencing that.

(which is exactly why he fucking snaps later when he realizes that Bum cannot give him what he wants and if Bum can’t, no one can, so what’s the point of anything?)

11. O_O Oh...uhm.

I’m...yeah. So I still don’t think Sangwoo is the type that gets sexual gratification from killing and torturing people. Him holding Bum up by his legs so that he’s no longer choking is, I think, evidence of that. 

In a way, this is more from a twisted version of demisexuality. I’m sure Sangwoo got hard the moment Bum started taking off his clothes to crawl over to Sangwoo, which triggered Sangwoo’s danger senses. Because not only love, but he equates sex to something horrifying and disgusting--and the way Sangwoo is grimacing in that last panel does suggest that he’s revolted by his hard-on. It’s just that he can’t help it, because his experiences conditioned him to only finding release via situations that make him feel disgusted. 

Sangwoo didn’t reach peak arousal when Bum was thrashing around the moment he was being hanged. He reached it when Bum was calling out his name, still treating him like a person with a name rather than a monster who deserves to die. He wasn’t turned on by Bum, he was turned on by Bum’s ‘acceptance’ of Sangwoo. Rather than heterosexuality or homosexuality, this is closer to demisexuality because what he wants is someone to love him despite being a monster among humans.

Oh, I want to note that Bum calling out Sangwoo’s name could be likened to calling out Sangwoo’s name during the...throes of passion lol. 

12. Wow you’re really enjoying yourself there, Sangstop

Hmn so again, I do think this is another showcase of demisexuality. 

He doesn’t care that he’s getting off to manly cries, holding onto legs that are more boney skin than shapely meat, and a penis ‘hanging’ (omg i can’t believe i was able to fit a pun in here) above his head there. 

He looks super blissed out here and I don’t think he’d be looking like this with any woman he has fucked. It has probably been a long time since he has even been this aroused by another woman. And the first time in a long time that he has been aroused was by some skinny, creepy loser who’s not just a loser, but a man. 

Because it wasn’t the genitalia that was getting him off. It was Bum’s treatment of Sangwoo. So, in a way, he’s starting to like Bum IN SPITE OF his dick lol. 

13. *blinks* oh I can’t be quite sure

But I think Sangwoo made sure Bum would fall onto the bed rather than the concrete. I don’t think the position of the bed was...right over the pulley...or maybe Sangwoo made sure it would be?  Because he knows that hanging Bum could go either way: kill him or let him fall free. 

14. How...do you think of these things, Sangstop...

I mean, creativity aside (which makes me go down a whole bunch of avenues and I really really just want this to end already), Sangwoo actually uses the words “Before I do something I’ll regret.”

Again, Sangwoo’s Lima Syndrome starts here. Had this been earlier, Sangwoo would’ve done something he wouldn’t have regretted. Actually, had Bum not called out Sangwoo’s name, Sangwoo would not have regretted killing him. He could’ve fooled himself into thinking he was relieved because he got rid of an outlier that threatened his last piece of sanity. That he was free from the danger that was Bum.

But no. At this point, Sangwoo knows that if he does something that ends up killing Bum, he will regret it. The release he had earlier fooled him into thinking that Bum was special and could give him something that no woman would ever be able to give him. If he could ‘train’ Bum more, if Bum can exceed his expectations, than he can probably finally get what he has been searching for in all of his victims. 

And this is why he pushes Bum’s head in the water. Because now it’s no longer /just/ inflicting pain in order teach a lesson--to get revenge. It’s also about training Bum to make Sangwoo feel like he’s human.

15. Hey, I think this is the first time Sangwoo mentions how he has been treating Bum

Before, it’s always like “Bum you liar” or “I can’t believe you made me do this”, but now Sangwoo actually says “I treat you better than I have ever treated anyone else before, and this is how you repay me??”

Now it has become personal. Sangwoo’s feelings are involved because he is now acknowledging that, yes, he is treating Bum in a way that he could’ve never imagined treating anyone. So, now, Bum can actually do things like scratch Sangwoo’s skin and NOT get killed, which is fucking foreign to Sangwoo. 

Because, before, it was all about never letting anyone have the upperhand. The moment someone threatens him, he asserts his dominance to the highest level he possibly can while still being under the guise of “law-abiding citizen”. 

Bum, in effect, has become the only person who can physically wound Sangwoo and still live to tell the tale.

Aaaaaaand because there is more for me to unpack but I’ve reached a point where my brain is mush and I can no longer make sense of what I’m writing down, I’m actually going to end it here and pick it back up tomorrow. 

Oh my fucking god.

[gtgrandom]

Beck and Jade: Toxicity

Alright kiddos.  With the resurgence of Victorious, I’ve seen a lot of new and old viewers idolizing this relationship, and while I 100% support your decision to ship what you want to ship, we need to acknowledge some of the red flags in this relationship and talk about why it shouldn’t be #goals.  I’ve seen too many teens talking about how realistic these two are (which is insane given the show’s comedic exaggeration) and how they want to embody everything Jade is as a woman, and my heart dies a bit. 

I know how annoying it is to see false accusations of an “abusive” couple by a non-psychologist simply because someone doesn’t ship it.  And yeah, I realize this is a kid’s show designed to entertain.  But I also realize what impact television has on the youth and their expectations of love.  So I want to set some things straight.  

Hot take: You can still enjoy the show while recognizing what a healthy relationship looks like. 

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First, let’s talk about aspects that WERE healthy:

1. Open Communication

These two felt so “real” because they would confront each other directly about behavior they didn’t approve of, things that annoyed them, etc.  Most of the time they were so direct, issues didn’t have enough time to fester and boil over.  Honesty is key in a healthy relationship, and for them, teasing and arguing served as an acceptable avenue for this honesty.   

2. They do learn to adapt to each other’s needs and grow together...sort of. 

Being able to recognize your own shortcomings and value your partner for their ability to see past those flaws is essential.  Fighting is okay if you can come together after it, understand why your partner was upset, and grow stronger from the experience.  The earthquake should strengthen the bridge after the new changes and reinforcements are put in place, not weaken it...

But time apart requires you to reflect on yourself.  When two people come back together and their means of apology is through kissing or sex...that tells you exactly what makes the relationship function.  

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Now...for the portrayal of toxic behavior and emotional abuse.

 1. Ugly jealousy

Jade’s jealousy is a constant source of conflict for the two, OBVIOUSLY.  While she might say what we’re all thinking, her possessiveness is unattractive - and had it been the trait for a male love interest on the show, fans would have attacked him for it.  You’re not allowed to control who your boyfriend hangs out with and befriends. You have no right to do so.  You can express to him, “hey, I feel insecure about our relationship when you hang out with this individual exclusively.  Can I come with you this time and get to know her better so I can put my mind at ease?”  If he doesn't take your concerns seriously, then you should leave the relationship.  

And if the new girl (as unjustified as it was) makes out with your boyfriend, you take your issues up with your disloyal boyfriend. You don’t continue to bully the other girl. 

There’s a difference between speaking your mind / sticking to your values, and being a total dick.  Jade crosses this line every episode.  She’s not iconic when she bullies her friends.  It’s really not that funny.

2. Putting words in Beck’s mouth

A lot of the times this is used for comedic effect.  Because you know how sensitive women are. You just can’t say anything as a man, lest she twist it around on you... :/  Regardless, it turns Jade into an instigator, an agitator, and a difficult person to reach a consensus with.  Don’t put words in your loved one’s mouth. Listen to what they have to say. Process it.  Come back after you’ve had a chance to walk it off and think rationally.

3.  Fighting at high frequency and magnitude 

It’s one of the “quirks” of this relationship.  Teens like to call it “rocky” and “full of chemistry.”  Nah.  It’s just plain ol’ toxic fighting and hostility.  Especially because it’s usually over something stupid and entirely irrelevant to their relationship.  A passionate relationship doesn’t mean you argue and fight everyday.  Your relationship should have more positive energy than negative.  Otherwise, why bother?

If they wanted to show a realistic relationship and the struggles teens encounter, they could have taken a dozen different avenues.  Like an episode where everything they say gets on each other’s nerves and they just need some space, but then at the end of the episode they can laugh about how they were arguing over something as silly as x,y,z.  

Instead, they made Jade the classic toxic bad boy trope.

4. Emotional instability and manipulation

Many people call Beck the calm, grounding force who is the only one capable of “topping” Jade.  That’s whack.  No one should have to babysit their partner because they’re so emotionally jagged and explosive. Sure, it makes for good comedy, but these two could have just as easily been best friends who knew how to deal with one another.  They even could have been a healthier pairing if the writers had made Jade treat Beck with more respect than everyone else.  But in the end, Beck has to be her backboard and police officer more than he gets to be her boyfriend.

Jade has too many issues to work through (jealousy, insecurity, aggression, etc).  She shouldn’t be in a relationship until she can properly channel that anger and resentment. 

Otherwise, she needs someone who won’t put up with her bullshit the way Beck does.  (He calls her out on it every now and again, but he also claims that he enjoys not having an easy relationship).

5. Disloyalty 

I’m not about to say that Jade is jealous for no reason.  Beck could be much better at showing her he only has eyes for his girlfriend.  That he puts her at the same level as (or above) his platonic friendships and acting career.  But this isn’t always the case, and Jade hates it.  

Another reason to break it off. Don’t settle for a man who punishes your behavior by allowing the new girl to kiss him -- or who makes you feel inadequate in any way.

That’s the tea.

That’s all for today, kids.  Ship the fictional pairing all you want, god knows I have my fair share of toxic ships (side-eyes Delena).  Just please don’t call it realistic.  And please know that real relationships take work (real love is a choice as much as it’s a feeling), but that doesn’t mean your relationships have to be this ugly. <3

[petri808]

@inukag-week​ Desire prompt

Inukag AU, modern setting, nsfw   collaboration: I wrote the non-smut parts & @bmarvels​ wrote the smutty smutty below the read more  ;)

Kagome was barely conscious by the time her husband walked in the door that evening.  The man worked long hours as a detective with the Kanagawa police department and today was no different than most.  The clock located on the nightstand showed 11pm.  She rolls over in bed to see him standing near the doorway of their bedroom undoing his tie.

“Rough night?” she queries, still blinking away the half-sleep in her eyes.

“Yeah,” he groans, “that case I was telling you about with the Kumo clan is starting to really piss me off.  I swear to Kami if we don’t find some concrete evidence on their leader Naraku, that bastard is gonna get away from us, again.”

As her husband Inuyasha talks about the case, Kagome just stares and nods at the appropriate times.  She was used to this routine of letting him ramble away about a case and get it off his chest.  It was better to let him vent rather than hold it in and turn into a grumpy hanyo.  Of course, in reality what she was really doing is ogling her husband as he disentangled himself from his work suit.

The night had been a warm one as they moved into the spring months, and her beefy husband had rolled up his shirt sleeves, showing off his solid biceps in the process.  If only every day was a warm one because she could never get enough of the pleasing sight.

“…Miroku thinks he’s got a lead.  One of his snitches is supposed to meet us tomorrow to let us know where the next shipment of drugs will be dropped…”

Slowly, one by one the fabric pieces unfurl.  First, his chest is relieved of its bindings as button after button from the collared shirt is opened, giving her a peak at the firm muscular anatomy beneath it.  Next, his belt is pulled away from his waistband and tossed aside into the soon to be growing pile.  Unconsciously, Kagome risks licking at her dry lips to rehydrate them.  She really didn’t like it when he left his clothing tossed about only for her to pick up after, but tonight…. was worth making an exception.

He strips off the shirt, tugging when the sleeves catch onto the muscles in his arms.  Not that she was complaining, but maybe she should buy him the next size up for clearly this one is getting tight.  Kagome almost slips a giggle, ’my beefy hubby.’  Inuyasha balls up the shirt and tosses it near the belt.  For a moment, he pauses in thought, just stands there like a glorified model posing in some ad.  Kami, her heart.  The cock of his hip, one hand rested against it while the other scratches at his scalp...

"Now that I think about it, the snitch's name seems...  familiar.  I think I've dealt with her before in the red-light district, some kind of madame of high-end geisha consorts.  Pfft, figures Miroku would have a snitch from that area."  Inuyasha shrugs and continues stripping off his slacks. “Guess if she’s willing to snitch, I don’t care what she does with her body.”

Kagome peels her eyes away, thinking for a moment that she’s heard of this person too.  “Sounds like you’re describing Madame Kagura.  I remember Sango mentioning her business at the community center.  Some of the girls go to them for help getting out of that life.”

“Yes!  That’s her!”  He finishes peeling off his slacks and throws it into the growing clothes pile.  “I’d heard rumors the Kumo clan had its hands in the escorts.  That woman is probably snitching to get out from under their hold.”

“Mmhmm...” she agrees, “that would make sense.”

Her thoughts drift away from the case once more, training in on her husband’s scant attire.  Only clad in a pair of snug boxers, she watches him walk through the room to pull fresh clothing from the dresser.  She nibbles at her bottom lip while admiring the view.  ’Such a beautiful ass...’ His muscle hewn cheeks, flexing with each step, show through the thin fabric.  His thick thighs, those powerful pistons able to chase down bad guys or make her see stars.  Oh yes...  ’I see you peeking,’ she muses at the bouncing bump that calls for attention as he walks.  He pauses, giving her a full-frontal view.

"Hey Kagome?"

Her eyes shift upward to her husband’s face and that's when she realizes, by the knowing smirk plastered on his face, she was busted.  Kagome clears her throat, pretending that nothing was amiss.  "Yes?" she coos.

"Did you forget I can smell your scent changes?"

"W-Well... you can't blame me for appreciating my husband’s assets."

"Tch," Inuyasha grins wider and saunters over beside the bed, resting a knee against the frame as he leans in.  "You know our anniversary is tomorrow..."

"Yeah..."

"Maybe I should give you a gift early."

"Oh?" she sits up and leans closer to him.  "And what would said gift be?"

"Hmm, one option is something you've wanted to have for some time, but I was too scared to give you."

Kagome pulls away, her eyes widening. "Really??!!  I-I mean I don't want to push you if you're still unsure...."

Inuyasha takes her hand, kissing the back of it.  "I'm sure.  We're stable enough financially... and I realize, it would be great to have a little rugrat of our own."

"Yes! Yes!...  wait how can you be so sure?"

He leans next to her ear whispering. "Your fertility is peaking, a high chance of getting pregnant."

As the full brunt of realization hits, Kagome's eyes mist over from the overwhelming emotions.  Motherhood was something she'd always wanted to attain, but she loved Inuyasha enough to be understanding of his fears.  He'd lost his own family at a young age only to be raised by a cold and emotionless older brother that resented him.  So, he feared that if they were to have kids, especially with his chosen profession, what if something happened to him, to them?

"But what changed your mind?"  She questions because she wanted to make sure he wouldn't resent his decision later.

"It wasn't one thing really.  Seeing Miroku give up his philandering ways for fatherhood.  And I'll admit the twins grew on me..."

She giggles.  "They do love their uncle Inu..."

"... But the biggest was seeing my brother, of all people adopt a little girl, then watch him dote after her like a... like a..."

"A father?" Kagome finishes his sentence.

"Yeah!  I never thought I'd see the day, and a human child at that!  So... if Sessh could do it, then so can I."

"Sit," she pats the bed beside her.  When he complies, Kagome wraps her arms around him and rests her head against his shoulder and chest.  "I know you are going to be an amazing father Inu, so please don't worry."

Inuyasha returns his wife's embrace, burying his face against her shoulder and neck.  "And you're gonna be an amazing mother to our pups."

Kagome sniffles. "Did you say 's' as in plural??"

That makes him chuckle and pull back to gaze into her eyes.  He places a chaste kiss upon her lips.  "One for now, but who knows," he smiles, “we'll play it by ear."

"Mmm, speaking of ears," Kagome reaches up and rubs her husband’s sensitive fluffy appendages, sending a rivulet string of shivers along his whole body.  "I think I'm ready to receive my gift now.”

A heated growl takes Kagome by a split-second surprise from the way her husband has her pinned against the bed before she could even blink.  "You know I hate it when you rub my ears, wench."

She sticks out her tongue, teasing him.  "No, you don't, you love it, you just hate that it makes you feel vulnerable."

"Oh, the only one vulnerable tonight is you," he smirks and gently runs a claw along her cheek, then down her neck until it snags at her collar.  He pulls at the offending fabric.

"Don't you dare ruin my-!"

Too late as she hears the tearing sounds of her t-shirt being ripped down the front of her body.

Kagome narrows her eyes at her husband. "I could have just taken it off."

"Where’s the fun in that?  Now you’ve got 10 seconds to wiggle that cute little ass of yours outta them bottoms before I shred it.”

Kagome lets out a squeal, desperately trying to work her cotton shorts and panties off as Inuyasha counts the seconds down.

“8...”

She fidgets and shimmies for all she’s worth, working the offending fabrics down her legs.

“4...”

“Eep!” Almost there! The shorts were easier, but the elastic of the tighter underwear bunches up and snags at her knees. This would have been so much easier if she wasn’t pinned below him!

“2...”

With seconds to spare, Kagome manages to get it down to an ankle where it hangs stuck until with the help of her toes, yanks and flips it off the bed.

“Well?!” she gazes up in defiance at her laughing husband. “Hurry up and strip too!” She pulls at his waist band. “You are so lucky I don’t have claws!”

“Patience woman, no need to rush...”

“Patience?! From the one who ripped-”

Inuyasha sweeps in and silences his wife with a deft blow, crushing her lips with his own. Her protests morphing into conceded moans as her eyes flutter shut and her arms wrap around his neck. His tongue swipes at her lip before entangling with her own. It was always a battle for dominance. She was strong willed and hardheaded. Two of many traits Inuyasha absolutely loved about his wife. It was that fiery spirit of hers, matching the intensity of his own, that drew him more to her.

But he wouldn’t succumb. Not this time.

His tongue sweeps across the roof of her mouth eliciting a shudder that never fails. She relinquishes control to him as his lips travel down her jaw with soft nibbles at her porcelain skin. A breathy sigh past her lips is like a gentle melody to his sensitive ears. Kagome exposes more of her neck to him the closer his lips travel. His hands gripping her hips travel up her sides and to her back to unclasp the last remaining article in his way from fully enjoying her naked body. Her arms quickly move through the straps before tangling her fingers in his silky, white tresses as he throws her bra off to the side without another glance at it.

He buries his nose at the crook of her neck, taking a deep breath as her scent washes over him. A light floral scent from her shampoo, jasmine mixed with sweet undertones of honey, with her hair spread across their pillow, and then her scent that was becoming stronger by the second. That alone was enough to make his cock twitch with excitement. A deep growl rumbles through him as his hands roughly grab her breasts and massage the plump globes.

“Kagome…” his voice low and heady with lust. Sharp canines graze across her collar before hovering above one of her nipples. Hot breath ghosts over it as he watches the little bud perk up. Golden irises shine with excitement. He lowers himself and lets his lips wrap around her pert nipple, his large hands still groping and bringing it up to meet him.

“Inu…” his wife mewls underneath him, nails raking against his scalp as her grip tightens. Her simple actions encouraging him to pick up at rougher pace; squeezing, suckling, and biting at her supple flesh moving from one breast to the other and back. His hands never faltering as they keep in time even as his lips decide to trail down further. Her muscles flex with each kiss down her stomach but he stops at her navel and rests his head against it.

Kagome’s fingers relax in his hair, gently petting down the backside of his head as he rests there. For a moment, he imagines what it would be like with a little one growing inside of her right there where his head rests. How her scent would change, imagining her waddle when she gets too round to see her feet, all the changes that would come with having a little tyke running around their feet begging for attention. The corner of his mouth stretches just a bit before his amber eyes look up to his smiling wife. Her cheeks flushed with a pink hue, her smile soft and deep, brown eyes knowing. Of course, she would know what he was thinking.

“I love you,” he tells her, his voice so tender as his gaze never leaves hers. Her fingers inch back to his ears, lightly scratching behind them.

“I love you too,” she replies but he watches as her grin grows and her eyes narrow. “Now, how much longer are you going to keep me waiting?”

Inuyasha’s smile stretches into a smirk and his sharp nails graze down to her thighs. With a tight grip, claws pricking at her skin, he lifts her supple thighs onto his shoulders as he bites at her. Down the inside of her thigh until his nose is level with her sex. “You’re going to keep waiting until I’ve had my fun, wench.”

His tongue swipes between her folds and he has her mewling again. "Besides, you wouldn't want to rush your gift, would you?" Not giving her time to answer, he delves deeper into her. Her scent overwhelming his nose just to taste even more. Kagome's heels dig into his back, trying to keep him in place. But he wasn't going anywhere. His finger replaces his tongue as his lips move up to her clit. The digit curls inside her while his tongue swirls around the sensitive bud.

"Ahh... Inu!" Her moans draw out his name as little electric sparks travel through her body and up to her brain, muddling any coherent thoughts and replacing it with euphoria. The feel of her husband's lips sucking on her bundle of nerves then inserting another long finger to continue stretching her tight muscles. With two of his fingers now inside her, he reaches deeper and increases his pace. Kagome's nails rake across his scalp, fingers tightening around his silky locks. Inuyasha smirks, loving the different reactions he can draw from his lovely wife.

"Don't stop..." rolls like a pleading mantra in screams and moans from her full lips. Kagome struggles with her breathing as deep breaths become scarce, making her lungs scream for air. He knew all the right spots to get her off quickest, the right pressure and pacing. She could always count on him to bring her to her highest point of pleasure every time they were together like this.

But this time...it was more.

He forgoes the constant teasing, making her beg to get on with it like his usual manner, and focuses solely on making her feel good. Tonight, was different, it was so much more than just fun and sex. This time had a greater purpose, one she had longed for and one he was now happy to gratify her.

Just as her legs begin to spasm and before she hits her climax, Inuyasha removes his fingers from her and he moves his lips to silence her pleads and whatever protests that were about to be thrown at him. His hand grasps his hard cock, throbbing for attention at the mere sight and sounds of his amorous wife, and guides himself inside her slick and sopping pussy. Her tight walls suck him in further gaining a moan that melds with her own between kisses.

Keeping an even pace, his hand slides into her hair and gives a gentle tug, just enough to make her gasp in surprise. Her arms reach out to wrap around his neck and he hoists her up to sit on his lap, her back pressed against their headboard. Breasts flushed against his chest, his lips attack the junction at her neck and shoulder, his teeth graze against her skin to move down her collar, and his hand cups her breast to meet his hot mouth. Kagome’s fingers tighten around strands of his hair and arches her back, wanting desperately for him to ravage more of her.

“Kagome…” he whispers low like a prayer.

She rolls her hips against his, meeting his rhythm of thrusts. Inuyasha feels her quickening the pace, urging him to give her more.

“Inuyasha!” The plea finally comes. “Harder!”

He snaps his hips roughly against her. Kagome cries out in a series of “yes” like her own mantra. His hand presses against her stomach letting his thumb trail to the apex of her sex, rolling the swollen flesh to draw out more of her amorous sounds.

Her hips roll in accordance with his, steadily increasing their pace as she chases his deft fingers. The sounds of flesh against flesh and sonorous moans echoes around them. Everything else had faded, leaving just the sound and touch of each other.

"Inu....so....close" Kagome is barely only able to get those few words out. She can feel the warmth growing in her belly. The coil wrapping tighter and tighter waiting to spring loose.

Inuyasha feels the same as he aches for his release as well as her own. She tightens around him and he knows he won’t be able to last much longer. He feels her muscles convulse as she cries out her release, eyes screwed shut tightly and coaxing his own climax from him. His hands grip her full hips harshly as his hot seed fills her. A white flash dances across his vision and his body goes rigid, feeling her sweet sex milk him for every last drop.

She comes back into view once he slowly comes down from the exhilarating high and he realizes his head resting against her chest while she strokes his hair down his back. Looking up at her, he sees a subtle glow to her smile, and he’s reminded of how much more this meant to her than any time before. Inuyasha uncurls his fingers from his bruising grip to wrap her up in a hug and pulls her down with him as he lays against their pillows.

Kagome snuggles in close and listens to the rapid beat of his heart, feeling the rise and fall of his chest with each heavy breath. His warmth and the lax of her body beckons her to sleep. She tries to fight it but Inuyasha gently rubs her back to sway her towards the land of dreams.

Watching her easily fall asleep brings a sweet smile to his lips. He can hear her breathing even out once she’s finally deep asleep. Inuyasha watches her for a few moments, savoring this tender moment that could possibly be the turning point of their lives. The idea of a mini version of Kagome running around or even a rugrat resembling himself to keep them on their toes brings an unusual wave of comfort to him, knowing the woman in his arms will be the best mom there is and right there by his side to help him through it. He tightens his hold around her in a soft squeeze then lets out a sigh as his body and eyes begin to relax and follows his wife to a hopeful dreamworld of what their future might hold for them now.