#another art binder. one with Spanish in it. and some art books I never read lol

[peapod20001]

How y’all feel about this setup

[nothingbythebook]

First, an apology for the title slug. I know you’re all sick and tired of plays on A Love in the Time of Cholera. Still. There’s a reason we’re doing it.

Second… but really first:

i. A catalogue

I recently moved, and as part of the uprooting, I culled my physical books to the essentials. (Ok, I moved like 500 metres away, but hey, packing and thus purging was definitely involved.) Stress on the physical: thank gods for my e-readers, a library of thousands always in my pocket.

Still. I was pretty ruthless. Totally ruthless, actually. Goodbye, university textbooks. Goodbye, books from the “I was a teenage Wiccan” phase. Goodbye, big thick books that look good on my shelf and make me feel smart because I own them—but let’s be honest, I’m never going to read Infinite Jest. I tried. It’s unreadable. I read Gravity’s Rainbow—goodbye—and, frankly, wish I hadn’t, don’t remember what it’s about, and I’ll never get that time back.

Goodbye, all of Jeanette Winterson’s not Sexing the Cherry books. Goodbye, gifted books that missed the mark—goodbye, self-bought books that I read, don’t remember, will never read again. Goodbye, books I once loved but don’t anymore—that cull was the hardest.

What’s left was still heavy to move and comprises about ten shelf equivalents. But each of these books is loved. Important.

Like The Letters of Sylvia Plath and this little known book of the poet’s drawings:

I don’t actually own Plath’s The Bell Jar or Ariel. How is this possible? Note to self: must buy. Response to self: this is how it beings, hoarding, pack-ratting expansion. Don’t do it. Response to response to self: Shut up. I want my Sylvia.

All of my Polish books:

Some of these have travelled the world with my parents and me for almost forty years. The Polish translation of A.S. Lindgren’s Children from Bullerbyn (which used to belong to my dad’s sister, actually—she got it and read it the year I was born) and of Winnie The Pooh—the first “chapter” books I ever read. And, of course, Sienkiewicz, Mickiewicz, Orzeszkowa, Rodziewiczówna. Kapuścinski. The more modern poets: Zagajewski, Anna Świrszczyńska and Wisława Szymborska, not in translation.

This cultural heritage of mine, I have a very… fraught, complex relationship with. So much beauty, so much passion, so much suffering—so much stupidity, so much pain.

Governments do not define a national, a culture, or a people, I suppose. But in a democracy, they reflect the will and the hearts of the majority of the people, and, if the current government of Poland reflects the majority of the will and the hearts of the (voting) Polish people, they are repugnant to me and I want nothing to do with them. I am ashamed of them, of where I come from.

But I do come of them, from there, do I not?

Still. I keep the books. Including the one celebrating our first modern proto-fascist, Józef Piłsudski. History is complicated; ancestry not chosen.

Next, a shelf of all of my favourites.

All of Jane Austen, of course. Most of Nabokov. Virginia Woolf, because, well, it’s complicated. Susan Sontag’s On The Suffering of Others, and E.M. Forester’s Maurice—I gave up Room With a View and the others. J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye, not so much because I’ll ever read it again but because it was so important back then. Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange, because nothing like it has been written before or since. Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas—I mean. I had to keep it, hero of my misspent university youth. I put him right next to Charles Bukowski’s Women, which isn’t great, but which… well. It taught me a lot about writing. Then, Jorge Luis Borges’ The Book of Imaginary Beings, which always makes me cry because a) it exists and b) I will never write that well.

Edward Said’s Orientalism, the only book to survive my “why the fuck did I keep all of these outdated anthropology and sociology and history textbooks for 25 years” purge. Margaret Mead’s New Lives for Old, which wasn’t one of them, but a later acquisition, kept in honour of the woman who dared live her life, do her thing. She wasn’t the smartest, the brightest, the most original—but fuck, she dared. Fraser’s The Golden Bough and Lilian Faderman’s Chloe Plus Olivia, both acquired in my teens—the first gave me religion for a while, while I freed myself of the Polish Catholicism in which I grew up (“freed” is an aspirational word; I suspect the religions we are indoctrinated into in childhood stay in our bones forever—the best that we can do is be aware when that early programming tries to sabotage our critical thinking and emotional well-being), and the second showed me I wasn’t a freak, an aberration, alone.

Next, The First Ms. Reader and the Sisterhood is Powerful anthology—original 1970s paperbacks bought in a used bookstore in the 1990s when I was discovering feminism. Monica Sjöö and Barbara Mor’s The Great Cosmic Mother—I suppose another Wicca-feminism vestige. I will never read it again, but way back when, that book changed my life, so. Here it is, with me, still.

And now, back to fiction: The Doorbell Rang, my only Rex Stout hardcover, although without the dust jacket, and a hardcover, old, maybe even worth something, with protected dust jacket intact, of P.G. Wodehouse’s Psmith, Journalist. Next to them, The Adventures of Romney Pringle and The Further Adventures by Romney Pringle, the single collaboration between R. Austin Freeman and John J. Pitcairn under the pseudonym of Clifford Ashdown. Written in 1902 or so, both volumes are the first American edition. In mint condition. Like the P.G. Wodehouse—and The Letters of Sylvia Plath, and the unique, autographed, bound in leather made from the butts of sacrificed small children or something, Orson Scott Card Maps in the Mirror short story collection, which is next-but-one to them on the bookshelf—they were a gift from Sean.

A lot of the books on my shelves, here with me now, are a gift from Sean.

Between them, a hard cover Georges Simeon found at a garage sale, and then G.K. Chesterton—Lepanto, the poem about the 1571 naval battle between Ottoman forces and the Holy (that’s what they called themselves) League of Catholic Europe, which I will never read again, but which is associated with a specific time and event in my personal history, so I keep it. Next to it, The Collected Stories of Father Brown, in battered hardcover, which I re-read intermittently, and which are—well. Perfect, really. Then, all of Dashiell Hammett in one volume. Then, almost all the best Agatha Christie’s in four “five complete novels” hardcover collections, topped with two multi-author murder mystery medleys from the 1950s.

Looking at this shelf makes me very, very happy.

Next, the one fully preserved collection. Before the move, these books lived on a bookshelf perched on top of my desk. Now, they are here, their “natural” order slightly altered because of the uneven height of this case’ shelves. The top shelf is, I suppose, mostly reference and writing books:

The Paris Review Interviews, Anne Lammott’s Bird by Bird, Neil Gaiman’s Make Good Art, Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style, and their ilk. At the end, a couple of publications in which I have a byline.

The next shelf, the smallest on the case, is a bit of a smorgasboard, but is very precious to me:

Do you see Frida and my Tarot cards? Also an Ariana Reines book that I really should give back to its owner…

Next, my perhaps most precious books.

Philip Larkin’s Letters to Monica and Nabokov’s Letters to Vera. Anne Carson’s If Not Winter: Fragments of Sappho. Four Letter Word, a collection of “original love letters” (short stories, they mean, pretentious fucks) from an assortment of mega-stars, including Margaret Atwood, Leonard Cohen, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Neil Gaiman, Ursula K. LeGuin… a strange assortment, really. But some lovely pieces in there. Some lame ones too—and I like that too. Even superstars misfire, every one in a while.

Then, Leonard Cohen, Pablo Neruda, Walt Whitman, Jack Gilbert, Vera Pavlova. Finally, Anaïs Nin’s Delta of Venus and Little Birds, and a bunch of battered Colettes. Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer right next to Colette, of course. Then, my Frida books.

The next shelf is full of aspirational delusions.

Farsi textbooks next to Hafez, Rumi and Forough Farrokzad translations. I will never be able to read Hafez in the original Persian. But maybe? Life is long. Maybe, one day, I will have time. Then, Jung’s Red Book, Parker J. Palmer’s A Hidden Wholeness, Rod Stryker’s The Four Desires, Stephen Cope’s The Great Work of Your Life, Thich Nhat Hahn’s The Art of Communicating (I failed), The Bhagavad Gita (still trying).

As I said, the shelf of delusions.

The bottom shelf is aspirational/inspirational, and also, very tall.

And so, that’s why my Georgia O’Keefe books are there, as well as The Purple Book, and Obrist’s do it manifesto. Perhaps there is room there for my leather-bound Master’s thesis, currently tucked away in the closet, right there, next to a course binder from SAIT? Then, all of my Spanish books, including Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s El Amor en los Tiempos del Cólera… which, also, one day, I will read in Spanish and actually understand. Life is long, right?

Next, not really a book shelf as such, but the top shelf of my secretary desk, where the reference and project books of the moment live.

The Canadian Press Stylebook has a permanent home here, of course. And I’ve got two copies of Canadian Copyright: A Citizen’s Guide there, one for me (unread, but I’ll get to it, I promise myself, again), one for a colleague. Both snagged from a Little Free Library, by the way.

Almost done.

In the bedroom, the books of vice.

A shelf of battered Ngaio March paperbacks, tucked beside them some meditation and Kundalini yoga books that I’m not using right now, but, maybe, one day, I am not ready to give up on this part of myself yet.  Below, a shelf of even more battered Rex Stout paperbacks.

I read and re-read these books—as did their original owners—until they fall to pieces. They are my crack, my vice—also, my methadone, my soother.

Below them, space for library books, mine and Ender’s:

I am finding Anna Mehler Paperny’s Hello I want to Die Please Fix Me unreadable, by the way. I pick it up, put it away. Repeat.

Will likely return it to the library unread.

Currently not on display: books by friends. Some here with me, some on the shelves in the Co-op house. There are a lot of those. Can one be ruthless… with friends?

ii. A reflection

Books, for readers and writers, are the artifacts that define us. When I enter a reader’s home, I immediately gravitate to their bookshelves. What’s on them?

What’s not on them?

What I’ve chosen to let go of, to not bring with me here tells me… a lot.

What am I going to do with this information?

xoxo

“Jane”

Books in the Time of Corona: what’s on my shelves and what’s not, and the story it tells First, an apology for the title slug. I know you're all sick and tired of plays on…

[amaloaf]

All of them

3 Fears3 things I love2 turns on2 turns offMy best friendSexual orientationHow tall am IWhat do I miss right nowFavourite colorDo I have a crush ^ already answered these

Favourite place

my room of the senior lounge in my school

What am I listening to right now

a davenchurch playlist (current song: Something I Need- One Republic) 

Shoe size

9-10 womens

Eye color

brown and gold

Hair color

ALSO brownish-gold

Meaning behind my URL

haha Fenton called me a walking paradox as a joke and it stuck!

Favourite song

literally dont have one but im currently loving “Waving Through a Window” from the dear evan hanson soundtrack

Favourite band

either panic! at the disco or fall out boy

How I feel right now

absolutely awful but you sending this completely boosted my mood!! 

Someone I love

oh sweet jesus, Fenton and Ellie and Pear and Cade and Vinny and Dylan and Sydney and Daffy and Simon and Nico and Jayme and Kiwi and Arily and this is going overboard but i cannot hold all my love in

My current relationship status

painfully single and desperately needing to get laid

My relationship with my parents

no

Favourite season

fall

Tattoos and piercing i have

none, unfortunately 

Tattoos and piercing i want

a septum piercing, 1mm gauges, a second piercing, an outer ear ring, sleeve tats of intertwining roses and dandelions, magnus’ railsplitter somewhere (im still deciding on where..) 

The reasons I joined Tumblr

all my middle school friends had it

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not anymore

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i kissed my dad before 

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

cosmetically? five minutes max

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?

unfortunately i did yesterday  

Where am I right now?

at my desk, sitting on pile of laundry im neglecting 

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

i like it quiet

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

both, but unhappily 

Am I excited for anything?

death, also graduation i guess

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

my friends Cade and Dylan are good buddies 

How often do I wear a fake smile?

….. next question

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

the mcelroys, specifically travis 

What do I think about most?

not to be dark but death 

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

neither, but behind if i have to be

What was the last lie I told?

���no mom i totally bought this”

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i dont do either v much but i really like vids when i can get them

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes (i saw three ghosts in my life)

Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah

Do I believe in luck?

mostly

What’s the weather like right now?

clear night skies with a slight fall nip in the air

What was the last book I’ve read?

animal farm by george orwell 

Do I have any nicknames?

M.K., M, Loaf

Do I spend money or save it?

both? 

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nope!

Favourite animal?

hgnnnnn cant choose, maybe sharks?

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping 

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Hips Dont Lie! 

What is my favorite word?

bludgeoning because im a nerd 

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

CUT THE CRAP AND LEARN TO LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE GOD DAMN IT

Do I have any relatives in jail?

i deadass dont talk to my family but im p sure one of my cousins was arrested last week 

What is my current desktop picture?

that picture of the sloth photoshopped on a dolphin with the P!NK lyrics

Had sex?

B)

Bought condoms?

no

Gotten pregnant?

oh god no

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no but my first kiss with a boy i got sprayed on at a waterpark 

Had job?

im a partime paralegal 

Smoked weed?

yep

Smoked cigarettes?

for a long ass time in middle school (if im bein real honest im going to pic it back up again probably)

Drank alcohol?

ya

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

definetly not

Been overweight?

currently am

Been underweight?

when i was born

Gotten my heart broken?

plenty of times

Been to prom?

yes

Been in airplane?

oh yeah, i love flying

Learned another language?

took spanish for 10+ years and dont know a damned word of it 

Wore make up?

ye

Dyed my hair?

no but i really want to 

Had a surgery?

yes! some work on my ear after i fucked it up as a baby

Met someone famous?

a band called After Romeo 

Stalked someone on a social network?

i tend to go through social media when i find new accounts i like but its never stalkerish 

Been fishing?

got the license and everything

Been rejected by a crush?

yea, ive only ever had one crush where it panned out 

What do I want for birthday?

a binder 

Do I like my handwriting?

no

Where do I want to live when older?

idk, im praying i dont end up back in vegas

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

got caught reading awful porn once does that count

What I’m really bad at

ohh im really holding back on saying “everything” but if i had to choose wind instruments 

What my greatest achievments are

my art, my relationships, my baby handling skills

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

ill give you the second worse: “ well at least being a fattass made you bouncy”

What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy a house, get a super crazy nice computer, give some money to the friends listed up earlier on the list and draw for all eternity 

What do I like about myself

my eyes and my good heart and my ability to fake good things

My closest Tumblr friend

oh definitely Fenton or @whyldkratts

Any question you’d like?

feel free to send in your own question! 

Are you outgoing or shy?

yes

What kind of people are you attracted to?

soft bellies, thick legs and hips, nice pecs, soft long hair, nice lips

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

idk maybe? i hope so, yall can feel free to make the first move ;3

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no, i actually like it! 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my buddy Cade

What does the most recent text that you sent say?

ok

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Something I Need, Michel in the Bathroom, For Forever, Waving Through a Window, and Freeze Your Brain 

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh yes!! please play with my hair!!! ((and playing with OTHER peoples hair??? oh boy howdy dont even get me started!!!!))

Do you think there is life on other planets?

hell yes! 

Do you like bubble baths?

sure, no real pref either way

Do you like your neighbors?

NOPE

Where would you like to travel?

yes!

Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleep

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

*sweats* yes?? (probably my boobs and stomach, also my arms)

What do you do when you wake up?

stare at the ceiling and mentally prepare myself for the day

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, it lost a lot of melinin when i hit puberty for some reason??

Do you ever want to get married?

yes! even if its just a platonic life partner marriage! 

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yep

Would you rather live without TV or music?

telivision my man

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yep! one time it went to shit the other time it went fairly ok

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

target and hot topic

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

normally yes but you gotta kno when to get the hell away from certain folks

Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

OH yeaaah

Ever wished you were someone else?

every god damned day

Favourite makeup brand?

cheap 

Last thing you ate?

mashed potatoes

Ever won a competition? For what?

won a college science fair in middle school once 

Ever been in love?

im always in love

Facebook or Twitter?

twitter always (pst mines @emiglody95

Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr 

Are you watching tv right now?

no

What colour are your towels?

beige and brown 

Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough or coffee 

First person you talked to today?

my mother or Ellie i can remember 

Last person you talked to today?

Pear or my day, again i cant remember 

Name a person you hate?

Prestly, Kevin, Zoe, Mike

Name a person you love?

hmm ive already listed a lot of people already so lets go with: Wilson

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

remember Kevin from two asks ago? 

Do you tan a lot?

im outside a lot but my tan is mostly natural 

Have any pets?

my dog, Gus! 

Do you type fast?

yes actually!! 

Do you regret anything from your past?

im not lookin to type a paragraph so lets go with yes

Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah,, 

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

every day

Is cheating ever okay?

no, but if your partner got seriously fucked up and it was a total accident and you trust them then MAYBE you can reconsider not throwing their asses out

Do you believe in true love?

to an extent 

What your zodiac sign?

leo! 

Do you believe in ghosts?

id better ive seen three of ‘em

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“ Its fine”, she said primly as she turned back to the trays of jewelry. 

[minnuet-archive]

Ink

(This is probably stupid and shitty because I wrote it, like, in the fourth grade or some shit.) 

I got off the plane. It was like a sea of robots, all waiting, checking their electronics, most not talking, but the few that were, were talking on their phones or about money and business. I frowned, and then saw a girl that looked nice.  I checked my watch. It was 11:59 pm. The girl walked over and said something that I thought was her introducing herself as Sofrina. “Hola, mi nombre es Sonia.” I replied. She looked at me, a bit confused, but not quite hopeless that she could understand what I was saying. Then, my mother pulled me by the arm and scolded me for talking to strangers. I apologized. Then, I herd a faint voice saying it was time to go. It sounded like my mother, but the words weren’t coming out of her mouth.

Suddenly, I was in my room with my mother shaking me awake. “Estas son tus ropas. Venga a desayunar, luego prepárese para su primer día de escuela.” she said. I sat up in bed and blinked the dream away. I was now excited. I had applied for a program called DACA so I could go to school in the United States. To apply though, I had to be 15 or younger. The night I had arrived, I had been one minute away from turning 16. I got my clothes on, ate my breakfast of bread with honey, and got ready for school like my mother instructed.

I took a deep breath and walked into the school. As I walked through the halls, people looked at me and muttered things to each other. I kept walking and looking around until I bumped into a girl. I turned around and apologized, looking down at my shoes. Then, I looked up at her face. I instantly recognized her as the girl from the airport, Sofrina. By reading her face, I saw that she recognized me as well somehow. I was very good at reading faces. Most of the time I could guess what people were saying by the movement of their lips or the shape of their eyes. She tried her best to speak in Spanish and asked me something. When I told her I needed help finding my classroom, she didn’t understand, but realized what I  meant when I pulled out my schedule.

She walked me to the classroom. I walked in behind her and went to the teacher’s desk. I asked her, “¿Dónde debería sentarme?” She held up her pointer finger, typed something into the computer, smiled and pointed to the seat next to Sofrina’s. I smiled back and thanked her, then sat down in my seat. I opened my binder, wove my fingers together, put them on my desk and grinned, waiting for the teacher to speak. Other people snickered and threw paper airplanes.

   The day went by quickly with each teacher telling me to copy Sofrina’s work and try to talk to her about it, since I was sitting next to her in every class. I asked Sofrina if she knew any Spanish. She frowned at first, but then the ends of her lips turn upward into a slight grin. She waved goodbye and I waved back. She then walked away. I jumped on my bike and rode back home.

   When I got home, I went to my room and started my homework. I struggled with it since I had to write in English. About an hour later, my mother walked in on me closing up my binder and said that dinner was ready.

I sat down at the dinner table and looked at my plate. I had a cheese enchilada with avocado, rice, and beans. My favorite. My mother asked what school was like. I told her that the day had been pretty uneventful, except for that the Sofrina, from the airport, goes to my school. Once I was excused from the dinner table, I got ready for bed and fell asleep.

   The next morning, I sat up in bed. I grinned. Today was going to be a good day. I just knew it. I walked out the door and got on my bike. When I got to school, Sofrina was standing at the front gate.

   “¿Que tal fue tu noche?” she asked. I was quite surprised. I responded that the rest of my day was good. She grinned and handed me something wrapped in a beautiful green tissue paper with a lavender ribbon. I opened it and I saw a book. I looked at the cover. It was a Spanish to English dictionary. I smiled and read the note on the inside cover. She had written a Spanish and English version of it. She also got herself an English to Spanish dictionary so that we could talk. We went to our first class and it was much easier to do classwork.

   When we got to our writing class, the teacher assigned a writing project. She had us get Chromebooks from a cart in the back of the class. At this news, I frowned. The teacher asked Sofrina what was wrong, and she asked me the same thing in Spanish. I told her that I hated computers. I like typewriters much more. When you are using a typewriter, you have to think about what you’re going to write, because if you mess up, you can’t just press delete. Sofrina translated and the teacher frowned. She talked to Sofrina and Sofrina said that I could use a typewriter, if I brought it from home. I frowned again. I didn’t have one. I told Sofrina that, and she translated. The teacher said I could write for now, until I figured it out.

   The day went by fast. When I got home, I talked to my mother about getting a typewriter. I told her I would buy it with the money I earned in Mexico and the first few weeks here. She said ok, so I got my shoes on as she grabbed her purse. She asked me where I wanted to go and I said that there was a pawnshop on the way to my school that had a beautiful typewriter in the window. As we walked, I told her about Sofrina. Earlier in the day, I had gotten Sofrina’s number. I asked if I could go to her house tomorrow, so she could help me learn some more English. My mother said yes. We walked into the pawnshop and I went to the counter. I looked at the words I had copied out of my Spanish to English dictionary and asked if they still had the typewriter that had been in the window a day ago. The person at the counter smiled and nodded then, then walked into the back door. When he came out, he was holding a typewriter. I pressed a key. It was a bit rusty, but it worked.

   When I got to school the next morning, I went straight to my language arts class. I still had a few oil smudges on my cheeks from oiling and fixing my typewriter. I sat in the middle of class, typing away at my story. The teacher had insisted that I write in Spanish, but I had refused, hoping to learn some new words. Every time I thought of a word I didn’t know or even just doubted myself, I would check in my dictionary.  My next class was art. I instantly took out my typewriter and got the paint from the middle of the table. I took my story out and put it into my bag delicately. I painted the typewriter turquoise, but painted the keys gold. On the back, I painted a book with a lavender cover and handmade paper, the kind I would make with my art teacher when we were in Mexico. I smiled sadly. I missed my art teacher so much. We would paint clay pots together and she would walk me home after class. When I was done, we had 15 minutes left, so I painted black and white pandas on the two sides. I love pandas. I smiled at my work.

   The bell rang.  I walked out to lunch with Sofrina. When we got to our normal spot, a place behind the 9th grade classrooms under a tree, she asked me to take out my typewriter. I put a new piece of paper in it. She told me a sentence in Spanish and asked me to type it in English without using my dictionary. I got through 2 sentences before I made a mistake. She asked me to type out another sentence. She kept asking me to do it again, until finally, I got 7 sentences done without making a mistake. She grinned widely and hugged me. She then told me she had a challenge. She asked me to say it in English. I gulped. I spoke very slowly. “My name is Sonia. I am 16 and go to school at Solar High in Maine. I love to write, but don’t know English very well yet. I also love art and I don’t use computers unless I have to. This is a practice and Sofrina helped me rehearse.” She smiled and I smiled. I knew some English.

   The rest of the day, I streamed sentences of English. I had never told anyone this, but I really wanted to be an author in the U.S.

   When the end of school came along, I ran home and told my parents about today. They smiled, congratulated, and hugged me. I went back to my room and tried writing a short story in English. I stopped writing and took out a new ink cartridge for my typewriter. When I was about to put it in, I stopped, brought it up to my eye level and smiled. My hopes, dreams, and future were all within reach.

[astrcldust]

The Spell of the Girl From Spanish Class (Reychel)

LGBTQPJO 3k Week: Femslash Friday

Summary: She never expected to fall for her. Love is usually unexpected right? But of all places to meet, Spanish class ended up being the one? (A Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano/Rachel Elizabeth Dare fanfic) Prompts used from @legitcashmoney

Words: 3,650

Read on Ao3

Reyna was supposed to be paying attention. Instead, she was staring at the redhead at the front of the room. Technically, she was paying attention to something. It just wasn't her Spanish work. The class was having an oral assessment, and she most definitely did not want to mess up. But she couldn't help being entranced by the girl.

Reyna hadn't talked to her much. She was pretty sure her name was Rachel. She stuttered a bit as she continued her conversation with their teacher, which Reyna thought was endearing. She didn't notice that she was smiling to herself. Her eyes wandered from the girl’s frizzy hair, emerald green eyes, and freckles to her arms. Rachel kept rolling up her sleeves and fiddling with them as she spoke, exposing even more freckles on her upper arm. Reyna’s eyes widened and her face flushed. She couldn't help wanting to take that shirt off...wait.

What the fuck, Reyna, she thought to herself. You barely know the girl. But damn, she is hot. Rachel finally finished her last sentence and grabbed her rubric from Señora Garcia. Señora called Reyna up next, and as she walked to the front of the room, her eyes met Rachel’s bright green ones. The girl gave Reyna a small smile and sat down. Suddenly, nerves crept up Reyna’s body, and she wasn't sure if it was because of the exam or the fact that a cute girl just smiled at her. Reyna’s instincts told her that no matter what, this girl was going to be the death of her.

~

Señora scanned the room, searching for others to call on. She was asking fairly simple questions. Just stuff about how everyone’s mornings were. She did this every day at the beginning of class. Reyna had already answered, so she tried to relax. But the name the teacher called out to answer next caught her attention. It was Rachel. The redhead looked up at Señora Garcia, and Reyna felt herself getting lost looking at those freckles. Señora asked Rachel to describe her outfit and she began. The slightly broken spanish that she spoke in definitely had Reyna staring. It may have been a little creepy, but Reyna didn’t regret it. It was an excuse to look at Rachel after all.

“Uhm,” Rachel continued. “Aa, I, uh” She seemed unsure on how to say something. “Z-z-it’s on the tip of my tongue!” The girl was such a sight that Reyna had to keep from laughing out loud. Her face turned red with frustration as her eyebrows furrowed, trying to remember whatever word she was attempting to say. Reyna made a mental note that Rachel’s frustrated/thinking face was cute. Rachel sighed, relaxing her muscles a bit. “Cómo se dice shoes?”

Reyna accidentally let a breath escape her at that moment. Really? Shoes? The shoes that are one of the easiest words to remember? If Reyna wasn’t mostly fluent like she was, she figured she’d at least know how to say shoes at this point. Rachel eyes flew towards Reyna’s and for a split second they locked. Rachel most definitely noticed the smirk on Reyna’s face, and it looked like she was telling herself to either confront Reyna about it or that she was reasonable for laughing.

“Zapatos,” the teacher corrected.

Rachel’s eyes widened. It looked as if a lightbulb could appear above her head. “I knew it!” Reyna smiled to herself. Even with the bad vocab memory, Rachel still managed to make Reyna entranced. Maybe it was magic. The spell of the girl from spanish class.

~

Spanish class never really excited Rachel. Yeah sure it was fun. But it wasn’t Rachel’s favorite (nothing could beat art). Although she had to admit, that girl Reyna definitely made spanish class worth it sometimes. Reyna sat in the corner up at the front of the classroom, and Rachel sat in the middle towards to back. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t stare at Reyna a couple times. A couple times….every day….for at least two minutes. She could mostly just see Reyna’s back so at least the girl didn’t know Rachel was staring. Reyna was hot, okay? Rachel swore to Annabeth that she almost died when Reyna had her oral assessment in front of the class. Annabeth said she wasn’t being reasonable, but Rachel was sure she almost had a heart attack. Or at least she almost ran out of the class screaming.

Reyna aside, they were going to have a guest speaker in class. Rachel was pretty excited. A guest speaker meant no homework, and any activity that had to do with no homework was pretty great in Rachel’s book.

As if on cue, the speaker walked into the class. She was tall with long black hair that reminded Rachel of Reyna’s locks. She carried a large black box filled with instruments. It looked pretty interesting, especially if Rachel got to mess around with one of them. Señora Garcia clapped her hands together. “Straighten your desks, get everything off of them.  ¡Prestar atención!”

Rachel whispered, “Can’t do that,” at the teacher’s comment about straightening, smiling to herself. She never failed to make a stupid gay joke. She pushed her binder off her desk, placed it on the floor, and turned her attention to the front of the room. The speaker began to talk to the class. Rachel paid attention at first. What she was saying was pretty interesting actually. The lesson on the instruments and music of Latin America definitely caught Rachel’s attention. However, she felt her eyes wavering towards the girl in the front. Reyna. Rachel smiled at how focused she was. With her slightly tilted position, Rachel could see Reyna’s profile. Her palm pressed against her cheek and her eyes completed focused on the teacher. Those eyes. Rachel could so easily get lost in them.

After the speaker’s lesson, she invited the class up to grab instruments to try out. Being in the back row and being pretty slow walking up, Rachel wasn’t too surprised when she found herself staring at an empty box.

“Oh, there’s not enough!” The lady exclaimed. “So sorry about that. How about you see if you could borrow one from someone else?”

Rachel smiled politely. “That’s alright.” She then wandered off to the side of the classroom. She didn’t exactly have any friends in the class, and asking someone to borrow would be pretty awkward, so the girl stayed on the sidelines. That is until she noticed Reyna walked towards her. Rachel’s heart immediately skipped a beat. She scanned the girl before her. Reyna’s hair was braided down her shoulder in her typical fashion. She wore a purple tank top and black leggings. A simple outfit, but it seemed to entrance Rachel. She felt as if she was being wound around Reyna’s finger, all with her saying nothing at all. Rachel attempted to suppress her increasing heartbeat, but it refused to disappear.

“You don’t have an instrument?” Reyna asked once she was close enough to Rachel. She’s talking to me, Rachel thought. Oh my gosh her voice is so pretty. I love her eyes. She’s beautiful. I am so screwed. Someone help me.

“Yeah, there wasn’t enough,” Rachel replied.

“Oh, well I have two maracas. Do you want one?” It might as well have been a marriage proposal. Rachel sure reacted like it was anyways. She immediately felt herself light up inside. Reyna wanted to share an instrument with her! Rachel had to remind herself that this literally meant nothing. The most Reyna was trying to do was produce a friendship. Probably not even that.

“Um, sure! T-Thank you.” Rachel mentally slapped herself for stuttering like an idiot. Reyna held out one of the maracas and Rachel raised her hand towards it. As she wrapped her fingers around the handle, the two girls’ hands brushed for a moment. Rachel felt her already fast heart skipped another beat as her ears turned almost as red as her unruly hair. Thankfully, she didn’t think Reyna noticed. Getting over herself, Rachel shook the maraca. She looked up at Reyna after staring at the maraca. She was smiling. That’s it. Rachel was a goner. Her smile was too cute.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Do you want to be partners for the project? I really need one, but it’s fine if you already have a partner.”

“Of course!” Rachel blurted out before she could even process the question. She must be pretty far gone to be saying yes to things before she even knew what she was agreeing to do.

“Alright, nice! Do you want to trade numbers so we could text each other times to work on it?

“Yeah, of course.” The two girls scrawled their numbers onto pieces of paper and handed them to the other. Once Reyna was gone, Rachel began to process what just happened. She and Reyna were partners for a spanish project. She just gave Reyna her number. It took all of Rachel’s willpower to not bounce up and down right then and there. Her and Reyna were going to see each other. They were going to talk and maybe even become friends. Rachel just couldn’t contain herself. She almost felt bad for Annabeth and Percy, who she was definitely gonna make sit through her talking about Reyna 24/7. Rachel clutched the paper in her hand and held it up to her chest. She could feel the beat of her heart and she smiled to herself slightly.

~

2/12/17

(3:31pm) Hey, it’s Reyna. I wanted to see if you wanted to work on the project tomorrow. We could meet at the library if you want.

(3:33pm) Oh yeah, that sounds great. How’s 4:00 after school?

(3:34pm) Sounds good. I’ll see you there.

(3:35pm) See ya! :D

2/13/17

` (6:24pm) Just wanted to say that hanging out at the library was really fun. Though we didn’t get much work done did we?

(6:28pm) Hey, we got some of it done. It’s not our fault we got distracted. Well, it technically is. But that’s not the point.

(6:29pm) I enjoyed it.

(6:32pm) Reyna?

(6:33pm) Yeah?

(6:34pm) Do you want to hang out sometime?

(6:34pm) Like not for school or anything.

(6:44pm) You here?

(6:44pm) Yeah sorry, I got a little distracted.

(6:44pm) And yeah, that sounds fun! We can discuss that in school. I have to go for now tho, homework calls.

(6:45pm) RIP Reyna. Bye~

(6:45pm) Bye Rach

3/18/17

(2:33pm) Hurry uppppppp

(2:33pm) I WANT TO WATCH THE MOVIE

(2:33pm) I MADE POPCORN AND EVERYTHING

(2:33pm) AND YOU’RE LATE

(2:34pm) You told me to be there for 2:30

(2:34pm) And what time is it now?

(2:34pm) Fair point

(2:35pm) I’m on my way Rachel. I’ll be there soon

(2:35pm) Alright? And what happened to Rach? :’(

(2:36pm) What’s the point of making you blush over text when I can do that in real life in five minutes?

(2:36pm) What are you talking about?

(2:36pm) Taking the innocent route I see.

(2:37pm) I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

(2:37pm) You sit on a throne of lies.

(2:37pm) Also I’m outside your door.

~

Reyna sighed to herself. It was a substitute day. Really, she should be happy. Nothing challenging ever happened with subs and she was usually able to get whatever packet they assigned done before class was over. But it was always so boring. She didn't even sit near Rachel so she didn't think she was gonna get any joy out of this class period.

Rachel. Her thoughts shifted to the redhead that managed to somehow entrance her. Ever since Reyna had asked her to be partners on the project, (she had been absolutely freaking out) they got really close to each other. Months had passed since then. They moved on to working on schoolwork to actually hanging out together as friends. And Reyna’s crush definitely wasn’t going away anytime soon. She decided to finally label it as a crush a while ago. You could only think about kissing someone so many times before you do.

“Alright class,” The sub drawled out the words in a boring tone. “Your teacher assigned a movie for you guys to watch. I have a worksheet with questions but do whatever you want I guess.” Reyna could swear that she heard the substitute grumble, “I don't get paid enough for this” as he put the DVD into the computer slot.

Reyna immediately stood up and walked over to Rachel’s desk. If they were gonna sit somewhere, she definitely didn't want it to be in her spot at the front. Rachel looked up from whatever she was doodling on her hand and noticed Reyna. She smiled, her emerald green eyes seemed to shine with light and her happiness almost made Reyna melt. “Ready for some boring ass movie?” The girl asked.

“You know I am,” Reyna replied as she sat down in the desk next to Rachel. They pushed the two desks together, allowing them to be closer. Their shoulders were almost touching which already made Reyna’s heartbeat race. “I'm definitely not doing the worksheet.”

“I don't think anyone is.” Rachel rested her face in her hand and Reyna tried not to combust.  The movie blasted on the SmartBoard. Reyna noticed Rachel jump a bit at the sudden sound and had to contain her laughter. To her horror, Reyna realized it was one of those old “educational” movies about places around the world. Sure, it was interesting to learn about sometimes but those always bored the hell out of everyone.

“Not one of these,” Reyna groaned.

Rachel shrugged. “More time to talk I guess. The movie won't distract us.”

Unfortunately, the sub had a habit of basically telling the class to shut up with every whisper so there was no hope of the two girls starting any kind of conversation. They resorted to playing silent games with hair ties and making exasperated eye contact every time the sub or some annoying kid spoke.

About halfway into the period, almost everyone in the class was asleep. Reyna couldn't seem to fall asleep as well, partly because of Rachel’s presence. Actually, she hadn't looked at Rachel in a while. Reyna turned her head at just the right time to catch Rachel lean down, her head leaning on Reyna’s shoulder. Reyna’s heart rate immediately increased and a red blush adorned her cheeks. Rachel was fast asleep and her head was pressing against Reyna’s shoulder. Reyna realized how stiff she had become so she relaxed herself, careful not to wake up the sleeping beauty. The girl took a deep breath, trying to calm her heart. It didn't work.

Reyna stared at Rachel and couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. She was just so cute, even when she was asleep. No, especially when she was asleep. Reyna brought her hand up to Rachel’s red curls and ran her fingers through them. Rachel’s hair was soft and Reyna liked the feeling of playing with it. She so badly wanted to put her arm around Rachel but people in the class (and the sub) were still awake and that might wake Rachel up. There wasn’t much time left in class, so Reyna wanted to savor the time she had. The girl continued to play with Rachel’s hair as she watched the movie. She didn’t pay much attention to it though. All she could think was hey, her spell really is working huh?

What neither of the girls were aware of at the end of the period was that Percy Jackson had passed through the hallway and spotted the girls. With good nature of course, he had to snap a photo. Blackmail is blackmail after all.

~

“Reyna holy shit!” Rachel almost yelled as she ran towards Reyna’s desk in the front. Reyna jumped back a bit, surprised by the suddenness of Rachel running.

“Damn, what is it Rach?” Reyna asked, noticing the blush that always appeared on Rachel’s cheeks when she said the nickname.

“We’re playing kahoot.”

Reyna almost screamed. “Yes!” The days they played the intense questionnaire game in class were always the best ones. Señora Garcia allowed them to team up if they wanted and ever since they became friends, Rachel and Reyna were always on the same team. Rachel swerved around from the front of Reyna’s desk to the one besides hers, which was conveniently empty that day. She quickly pushed the desk up next to Reyna’s, allowing them to be able to work together.

After everyone grabbed laptops and put the pin number in, the two girls were left with a choice. What should their name be? Señora allowed any nickname, as long as it was appropriate, so they usually went with a different one each time. (Some highlights were “gayliens”, “Art of War”, and they got kicked out for using “badass bitches.”)

“What should we put as our name?” Reyna asked, turning to face the redhead.

“I know!” She said with a devilish smile. Her fingers tapped the keys rapidly as she inputted the mystery name. Reyna read the name with curiosity. It read, Reychel. “It’s our names combined,” Rachel said. “I thought maybe you’d like it...o-or something.” Reyna was oblivious to the nervous stuttering in Rachel’s voice.

She looked at Rachel, smiling. “It’s perfect.” Rachel seemed to light up as she pressed enter.

“Ready to kick everyone’s asses?”

“You know I am.”

“Come on come on come on come on!” Rachel nearly yelled at the computer screen. They’d gotten several questions into the game and “Team Reychel” was in second. They just had to get the next one right to be in first. Reyna anticipated the upcoming high five, which is what they always did when they won. The two girls stared at the screens in anticipation. When the green color flashed before them they cheered. Although, before Reyna could turn to high five Rachel, she was surprised by something else. She felt a soft kiss press against her temple. At that moment, everything seemed to slow down. Her cheeks flushed and her heart soared. The only thought that went through Reyna’s mind was, Rachel just kissed my temple Rachel just kissed my temple RACHEL JUST KISSED MY TEMPLE. A smile spread across her face and she moved her eyes to look at Rachel. The two made eye contact, both smiling proudly. Reyna’s eyes moved from Rachel’s eyes to her lips for a moment. They were a pale pink color. Reyna could just grab Rachel’s cheeks and kiss her. But she couldn’t do that. Not in spanish class at least. Maybe another time. Maybe.

~

Reyna’s bed was soft. Like, really soft. Rachel was lying on her stomach, trying to complete her spanish homework. Reyna sat on the floor pressed against the edge of the bed, doing work as well. It was a study date, as Rachel liked to refer to it as. Well, it wasn’t actually a date. Damn, did Rachel want it to be one though. She'd much rather be cuddling with Reyna and watching a movie than writing a letter to her grandma using ten different examples of past tense in Spanish. Oh damn, Reyna. Rachel had really fallen for her over the months. She remembered kissing her temple during that game of kahoot. She'd gotten really red, but it was so worth it. She really wanted to kiss Reyna again, and not just on the temple either. She wanted to kiss Reyna’s cheek. She wanted to kiss Reyna’s lips. So, so so badly.

Rachel turned her attention to her work again, swearing to herself that she’d focus. The two girls worked in silence until Rachel didn’t know a word. “How do you say ‘I love you?’” Rachel asked. Shitshitshit, she thought. That sounds like a confession. Rachel knew Reyna probably wouldn’t take it that way, but she wasn’t going to risk anything yet. “I-In Spanish I mean. For the letter.” Rachel could’ve sworn she saw Reyna jump a bit when Rachel asked the question, but the girl quickly relaxed.

“Te amo,” she replied. Suddenly, a thought flashed through Rachel’s eyes. This was an opportunity. It was a chance she might never get again. She silently debated for what seemed like forever, although in reality, it was only a moment. With Rachel laying on her stomach and Reyna now looking towards her, their faces were inches apart.

“Well then,” Rachel said, her voice getting quieter and more intimate. “In that case.” She inched closer towards Reyna, her heart increasing by a mile a minute. She was going to do this, there was no backing out now. In a sudden and swift motion, Rachel leaned forward and pressed her lips against Reyna’s. She could tell Reyna was surprised by the contact at first, yet not even a second later she began to kiss back. Blushes spread across both of the girl’s faces. Rachel gasped for air and quickly returned to the long-lasting kiss. Neither of the girls wanted it to end. Rachel could taste the strawberry chapstick on Reyna’s lips. She wanted to become familiar with it. She wanted to explore every scent, every taste, everything about Reyna.

Finally, the two girls parted. Staring into each other’s eyes with surprise and affection, Rachel whispered and finished her sentence. “Te amo.”

Reyna smiled at Rachel, which filled her stomach with butterflies and her heart with warmth. Reyna placed a hand on Rachel’s cheek and they kissed again, but shorter this time. When they parted again, it was Reyna’s turn to speak.

“The spell of the girl from Spanish class really did work.”