#anon I'm not wanting to come across as hateful because I genuinely do believe your ask is coming from a place of just not knowing

[kits-ghosts-corner]

That's a problem of the ace community's own making. Gay means not interested in the opposite gender. Straight means not interested in the same gender.

But ace means... anything and nothing these days. Of course people don't take the identity specifically. "Aces can want sex, feel sexual attraction" okay then it means nothing when a character says they're ace. People can ship them and write them having sex because, well, ace can.

People even argue sex repulsed people can want sex.

Sorry, when your entire communtiy is about how words mean wahtever you want them to mean, people are going to make asexuality mean whatever they want.

Ace doesn't "mean anything and nothing these days". Being asexual is defined as experiencing little to no sexual attraction, and it has been that way for a while. That doesn't mean experiencing no libido or never wanting to have sex, because attraction doesn't equal action. We have enough accounts of that outside of the ace community, plenty of allo folks fuck people they don't find attractive just because they want to. Folks in the ace community can opt to use labels like "sex-repulsed", "sex-indifferent", etc. because it helps them communicate or categorise how they experience their asexuality. It has been this way for some time, and it's not a thing of "these days".

When characters are canonically portrayed as having absolutely no interest in sex - or active disgust towards it - it is uncomfortable (at least for me) to see others write them as engaging in it. Again, I'm going to point towards the example I used of everybody (quite rightfully, I think) getting up in arms if a character who was a gay man was written by someone as being incredibly attracted to a woman. It's an erasure of what tends to be an important part of a character (or, if not important, then at least an aspect of that character). It shows a lack of nuanced and critical thought, to be honest, and it's an indication of a shallow way of viewing a character if you throw out what can be a vital way of how they experience relationships (or lack thereof) just for the sake of like... idk a fic or something. I made the original post because I'm sick and tired of people not treating asexuality seriously, and this ask proves that people still don't.

It's fine if you don't understand asexual experiences, but you don't have to pin that on the ace community. I said the post isn't aimed towards ace and aro people because I can generally trust that what they write is done with these nuances in mind because they are our lived experiences - allo people can write the same things, of course they can, but it would be much better if actual experiences were taken into account rather than slapping on the label of "sex-favourable" and being done with it. (This will depend on POVs of the fics, but it's never difficult to add a little mention of it here and there. You don't need paragraph upon paragraph explaining the specifics, but just a simple thing would be very nice.)

The entire asexual community isn't about "how words mean whatever we want them to mean", it's about asexuality, and there are multiple ways to experience that. There's - and I'm sorry to keep repeating the word - nuance, and it is incredibly frustrating when people do not take that nuance into account when writing. And if you want to write a simple fic about sex, that's fine, but it's not hard to pick literally any other character.

My post was made very quickly and I hope I made it clear that it was a quick rant and not a full take on it all (maybe I need to edit the post to make it more obvious /g), and even this response here doesn't go into all the nooks and crannies of it because it would take a long time and a longer post than this already is. But it's weird to pin other people throwing away characters' sexualities and experiences on the entire asexual community because we have differing experiences amongst ourselves.

[jeonscatalyst]

People say that JK benefits a lot from being the center of major ships in the fandom and I don't disagree that he benefits a little but I do think its overblown and I say this as someone who very heavily biases Jimin compared to the other members. Why I bring this is up is because I stumbled upon a yoonmin account today once again and in all my years of coming across yoonminers and I've found only a handful of genuine double biased among those shippers. For the rest Jimin is only there to token stan and use as Yoongi's cheerleader. Yoonminers are almost across the board completely useless for Jimin in terms of supporting him, his music, defending him against antis or even liking him as an individual outside of Yoongi - and I'm talking about people who ship yoonmin as their main not even about tkkrs who have yoonmin as some kind of 2-for-1 package. So yeah as someone who's seen how useless being token stanned by shippers is, I'd say the benefits JK gets are probably because those shippers might actually like him. And even then there's a lot of shippers - and here I include all ships incl jikook - who sometimes only like both people in relation to the ship and you will only see them consuming ship related material.

So all this to say I think the positive affect of having shippers on your side is a bit exaggerated. It's as useful as having kpop stans by your side. You'll get some more likes and buzz on social media but when it comes to music or any actual support, most of them are useless unless as I said the shipper originally liked the member beyond the context of the ship. JK gets a lot of social media clout from all his shippers, y/n's etc of course and that is useful in creating the image of popularity don't get me wrong but there's a ton of idols who have a lot of exaggerated support on social media but whose music streams are extremely disappointing or whose stans support is extremely shallow because they like them for a ship or just for their looks

Sorry it took ages to get to your ask anon.

I agree with your observation and I believe I have mentioned this before. Many people think Jk actually benefits alot because he is shipped with taehyung and Jimin but I never thought that was true and I still don’t think it’s true. This is mainly because in most of the ships he is the center of, he is rarely ever the favourite. Most taekoookers are Taehyung biased and either have Jk as a bias wrecker or just like him because they think he is dating Tae or want him to be with Tae and the same goes for jikookers. Most jikookers are Jimin biased and either have Jk as a bias wrecker or only like him because they think he is dating Jimin or want him to be with Jimin. You can see how true this is in how easily he gets dropped or criticized after he doesn’t “act right” with one of these two.

I still remember how many jikookers became Jimin solos after Face and Seven era and how many taekookers dropped Jungkook like he was hot after Layover and even after Taennie. Jungkook is the one who constantly gets thrown under the bus and very few people actually care to defend him unless it is in relation to the ship, so no, Jungkook has never really benefited much from ships, if anything he had just been used in shipwars only to be abandoned or shaded and insulted, the moment he isn’t either treating Jimin like an egg or the moment he isn’t showing enough love for Tae as Tae shows to him.

Jimin is my bias and honestly I may never have noticed Jungkook as much if it wasn’t for his bond with Jimin but once I noticed him and got to know him not only as an idol but as a person, I grew to love him so much. I hate how misunderstood he is. It breaks my heart everytime I see people complain about him and accuse him of being rude or insensitive or abusive or selfish or all the nonsense taekookers, jikookers, solos and haters say about him when he doesn’t act the way they want him to because in my eyes Jungkook is one of the most innocent and most sensitive members. He is one who has the innocence of baby and is extremely kind and thoughtful. He isn’t perfect and he has his bratty moments and could sometimes be a little to blunt without realizing that his words could be hurtful but he is genuinely a good person and I love him so much.

I know that I have digressed but your ask made me remember that I had been planning to make a post about Jungkook because I got sick and tired of seeing everyone shit on him. I get sick and tired of seeing people treat him like he isn’t a human being yet people have the guts to say he benefits alot from both ships even though all he gets is hate and people constantly pretending to love him even though they do not hesitate to drop him when he doesn’t toe the line. Plus this shenanigans over the past few days have really broken my heart and I can’t believe how this fandom is turning against him just because he dared to speak out against something he probably has experienced himself.

Even people who aren’t shippers who claim to love him only love what he is and not who he is as a person. I cannot tell you how many times I go through the Jungkook tag here on tumblr trying to find good Jungkook focused blogs that have meaningful discussions about him as we have many Jimin focused blogs like that, but everytime I check, the tag is filled with shippers, fanfics or porn, I am tired. It’s like he is just a piece of meat for everyone to either use in ships or use in their Y/N fantasies. Very few people actually care to know who Jungkook is beyond his idol image and hot looks. Even the solos who claim to love him and stream for him only do that so they could have something to brag about among other solos because you can easily tell they don’t know the first thing about Jungkook and don’t care to know. They project unto him, call him a company puppet when they feel like it, potray him as someone who is abusive and rude and insensitive towards his members, infact to them, he is the epitome of a fuck boy and I am tired.

This isn’t me saying that there aren’t shippers or fans who genuinely love him and do things for him out of that love, there are and I am grateful for all the people like that but sometimes I just wish he had more people who genuinely love him not the ones who pretend to for one reason or the other but start showing their true colors once they are not satisfied with something he does or doesn’t do.

As for yoonminers, I don’t even want to talk about those ones because sometimes I feel like they disgust me more than taekookers do. They claim to love Jimin and Yoongi but they have no issue following and interacting with taekookers and taekook accounts that constantly hate on Jimin, are being shady towards him and his bond with Jungkook or are straightup weird. I have never cared about yoonminers enough to look into their demographic but from the little I have seen, they definitely only token stan Jimin and don’t even really give a tiny rats ass about him and for some weird reason, they have made Jimin’s Nevermind tattoo all about Yoongi🙄. Yoongi is one of my bias wreckers and I see his deep bond and friendship with Jimin but even I would never reduce Jimin’s tattoo to being all about Yoongi because that is just disrespectful and like you said, you would never see a yoonminer when it comes to defending Jimin.

My response was all over the place anon but I wanted to use your ask to vent because I’ve been feeling pissed about alot of shit related to Jungkook lately.

[pillarsalt]

as someone who is genuinely truly gender critical (critical of conservative gender and transgenderism) i have never felt so alone in my life. conservatives hate me. liberals hate me. incels hate me. radfems hate me. men hate me. women hate me.

the supreme court of the united fucking kingdom is using talking points and lingo made up in 2010 by teenage girls bending over backwards to defend perverted men. the other side of the argument is brought by conservatives who at best wouldn't mind if we regressed women's rights back to the 1800s and at worst are actively trying to do so.

meanwhile, on a general society level, we have the aforementioned perverted men and their teenage supporters who, regardless of what year they were born, have not progressed past that 2010 mindset. they genuinely believe women is a feeling/aesthetic/opt-in-free-attention-machine. and in the other corner, the only corner with the potential to actually empower and defend women, we have a wave of radfems who can't even pretend to be tolerant of straight, bi, gnc, and/or autistic women for 2 seconds (sad and ironic because i highly suspect most of them are one of if not multiple of these things) who lay the blame of the actions and beliefs of perverted men on said women. because us not killing every man on sight means we're the reason they get away with everything.

i have never felt so alone. i don't think we're ever getting out of this. how do you cope with this?

Anon, I want to tell you, I have felt this way many times and I'm sure I will again. I totally understand the impending doom feeling. It's hard to escape. But I want you to know, you are absolutely not alone, not at all.

I also want you to know that unfortunately, bad news frequently overshadows good news, especially online. The shocking and horrific generate more media interest than the hard fought battles being won by people and groups who are interested in positive change. But positive change is happening, even when its hard to see right away. To quote Martin Luther King Jr.: "First, the line of progress is never straight. For a period a movement may follow a straight line and then it encounters obstacles and the path bends. It is like curving around a mountain when you are approaching a city. Often it feels as though you were moving backwards, and you lose sight of your goal: but in fact you are moving ahead, and soon you will see the city again, closer by."

WRT the tumblr-esque rhetoric influencing national policy: I truly believe we are advancing past what has been a weird ass period where this religious "no debate" thing dominates liberal politics. Liberals across the world, I believe, are realizing it's a losing game, and that we can't let people who deny basic reality dictate policy for everyone else. I really truly get where you're coming from, but as someone who's been paying attention to this since 2015/16ish, it seems to have peaked around 2020ish, and on a steady decline since then.

They're their own worst enemies: at first your average left of centre person thought of trans issues basically as very gender nonconforming gay people who experience extreme distress about their sex (and that's not to say these people don't still exist,) but now with the mercurial rise of trans activism as we know it, more and more average voters are exposed to realities of gender ideology like male rapists in women's prisons, males in women's sports, the medical exploitation of gender nonconforming kids, and so on. Even just anecdotally I have seen TONS more people speaking openly about their dissent, when they would have kept their mouths shut before. Now a widespread conservative backlash is absolutely not what we want, and it's why the liberal governments of the world need to step up and get their shit together right the fuck now. Conservatism is dangerous and we need to fight as hard as we can to stop it in its tracks. But with added and continued pressure from everyone who's working to do so, this WILL happen. We can make it happen.

In respects to what's troubling you about the radical feminism community, I understand where you're coming from there too. But again, it's a problem with the most vitriolic people having the loudest voices despite being in the minority. Radfems do not hate you. There are a rash of individuals who through rad/feminism (especially online) have found a great way to browbeat other women and feel morally superior. Any special interest group is going to have people who try to use it to their advantage for ego stroking and social status purposes. Please try to remember they are just people, like you. They can be, and often are, just plain wrong. You have no obligation to take anybody's word as gospel, even if they get mad at you for it.

I don't take anyone seriously who'd rather infight constantly than find common ground with her fellow woman, even if there's disagreement. Women's liberation is the number one priority when it comes to feminism, and as a woman, you have every right to be here. Don't take any bullshit personally, be confident but curious in your beliefs. And please don't give up, not on the world and not on feminism. You are a worthwhile person, things will look brighter sooner than later. I know this from experience. I hope you hang in there, you can message me any time or send another ask anonymously if you want. It's hard work to push through the doom, but you can do it. Be well! 💜💜💜

[the-smiling-doodler]

What is the difference between twitter and tumblr

there's a lot of differences between them, from community to functionality. we'd be here all week if i listed every single one, so i'm just gonna name a few: 1. the community on tumblr is a lot more chill than the one on twitter. tumblr users HIGHLY encourage curating your own experience, it's basically impossible to be on tumblr for a while without seeing at least one post encouraging you to unfollow/block people you dont vibe with, not respond to hateful asks and block mean anons, and filter tags you dont like. this isn't to say that other apps don't do the same thing, but in my experience, tumblr users are far more vocal about it. it's very ingrained in the app's culture as a whole. linking this back to the SC fandom real quick: I've only been faced with one drama on tumblr, compared to twitter where it seems like every fucking day some new shit pops up. tumblr-exclusive SC fans are largely unaware of any of the crazy shit that goes on on twitter. i keep saying this to my moots but it is genuinely far more peaceful on here than on twitter. 2. tumblr is also more slow-paced than twitter because the character limit on this app is HUGE (4096 characters per text block, and tumblr allows a total of 1000 content blocks per post, meaning that if you use every content block you have exclusively for text, the total character limit is 4,096,000 characters per post. thats like 630154 - 819200 words !! also, reblogs count as their own post, and you can reblog a post a near infinite number of times (ignoring the 250 post limit a day.)), which i think is part of the reason why this app is more chill. it's less stressful, it feels like you can take your time on here. this isn't mentioning that you can attach up to 10 images to a post, making tumblr a better app for both writers and artists compared to twitter. the more you stay on this app, the more you notice that a lot of posts are very long. 3. i've said this on another post of mine (which i really recommend reading if you have the time because i talk a lot about the importance of reblogging posts on tumblr, among other things), but I'll say it here again: while the community on tumblr is more chill, it's also very quiet. a lot of tumblr users have become very passive in their engagement with posts, only liking and never reblogging. in my personal experience, i've found that you get far more engagement and reach on twitter than on tumblr (emphasis on personal experience, because a few of my friends have told me that they actually get more interaction on tumblr than on twitter.) in short: twitter is where you go to get famous, tumblr is where you go to hang out with friends. 4. this point came from my friend @buggyboo-exe, he said: "I'd add the fact that Tumblr allows for more, how do I say, personal interaction? On Twitter sure, you can follow people and see just your follower's posts and everything but Tumblr not only has the ask box, it also gives you the feature to answer those asks privately. I think it's just easier to make friends on Tumblr and actually keep those friends long term than on Twitter. Likely due to the slow paced thing as well. I'm not sure how to explain it better. Tumblr also started the whole "moots" thing I believe so followers are always seen more as friends then anywhere else." I think this point is very solid because, yes, although I think twitter is better in terms of quantity of engagement, tumblr allows for deeper, more personal interaction. a lot of my closest friends on this fandom are ones I've made on tumblr. I feel way more comfortable goofing around and being silly with them publicly on here than on twitter.

5. this is something I wanted to add to the post i linked in point 3 but forgot to, and that is that tumblr is more or less timeless. it's very, very, VERY common to come across posts from as far back as 15 years ago. you basically never see twitter posts ever again if they weren't made this year, but on tumblr? it's not unusual to see a post from 2015 circulating. it's not weird to reblog art or writing from months or years ago. it's also not weird to go through an artist's blog and just reblog/like all their posts in one sitting. (also, reblogging a post means you get to keep a copy of it on your blog forever. meaning that even if a user deletes their blog, or deletes the post itself, as long as you've reblogged it it's never truly gone. reblog your favorite posts if you wanna keep them with you forever!!) 6. tumblr users REALLY stress anonymity. one of the first things i told my twitter mutuals was to PRIVATE YOUR LIKES AND FOLLOWING TABS !! no one wants or needs to see that stuff. this is your personal blog, you're allowed to and even encouraged to keep things about yourself private. it is usually extremely easy to tell who is and isnt a tumblr user, because twitter users tend to: have their likes and following visible, don't have a blog title, dont have a personal blog theme, and only like posts with little to no reblogs.

I'll cut myself off here because this post is getting very long, but yeah, there's a LOTTTT of differences. i hope this answered your question !! and to anyone reading this, feel free to ask me if you have any other questions about being on tumblr. I know a lot of you are new here and i LOVE to yap, so i'd be happy to answer !!

[icypantherwrites]

hi hello I normally do asks anonymously but I wanted you to personally know

I found you a couple days ago i believe and oh my god. Are you like, an angel?? Dude. You’ve written over 200 works, nearly 90% of them being in the vld fandom. I feel like no one gives you enough credit for your contributions to fanfic, especially in the vld fandom. I can’t even begin to think of 20 ideas for a fanfic. You’ve had probably over thousands. You are genuinely one of the most talented writers I’ve ever come across. I love how you write angst and pain. It’s done so in a way that can hurt you so deeply yet leave you wanting for more. Just perfectly encapsulated what it is like to read angst because you did it. in a way that clearly shows you understood the assignment. I love how you write yearning and internal turmoil. I love how you write rising tension and build up anticipation. It leaves me on the edge of my seat every time and I get so excited every time something super important happens. I love how you write each of the characters’ relationships with one another. It can literally feel so personal to see them interact. my favs of yours are probably keith and shiro <and> lance and hunk. You are such a great writer and I don’t think you get enough recognition or appreciation because oh my god. Every time I read your works it is just masterpiece after masterpiece. And the way you end them?? You know just how to make an ending to a story so satisfactory. Because you write the beginning to be satisfactory. You write the middle to be satisfactory. You write every single chapter, paragraph, sentence, and word to make sure that the story concludes in a way that leaves you feeling content. I am genuinely always baffled at how godly your writing is. How you never get any credit where it is clearly due is completely insane. You have done wonders in this world, even if it just seems like a little corner of it. You were here. And you did good for so many. You are so amazing and I don’t know how many ways I could possibly tell that to you. If you ever were to write an original work I would make sure to personally buy ten thousand copies all on my own. Because I know damn well that if you wrote it, it is going to be one of the best pieces of literature ever written. You are so. So. So so so so so so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing. And awesome. And cool. And great.

So much love.

You are incredible.

🩷🩷

So I would like to preface this response by noting that I've had regular asks closed for the last few months due to just a lot of negative feelings with the entitlement behind the asks, and anonymous asks closed for the last year due to various reasons but the most common one being trolls and hate mail. Following a recent livestream on my Patreon I kind of said screw it, let's just see how it goes again and opened them and so the fact that this absolute sweetheart gem of an ask is the first thing I get not even two days later is just... wow, thank you. I've only read this like ten times now.

I just wanted to say this comment makes me feel very seen and appreciated and all of the kind words are backed up by the fact I do indeed recognize your name (so I am glad you didn't submit this as anon!) as having popped into a number of my stories over the past week or so and leaving such sweet comments. It truly means a lot. And as an aside, I am very excited to see you (hopefully) back for the final chapters of Missing as (ironically) a lot of the audience went missing the last few ;p So I do hope you enjoy it and would love to hear your thoughts there! As you observed, it's definitely a bit of a rough go to put all this time and effort into writing and sharing my works and not really seeing a lot of folks engaging with the stories any more, but I'm still trying my best to post for as long as I can. And readers like yourself are the reason I do try to continue to do so 🧡

I also just wanted to highlight of this entire highlight of a comment the little bit you mentioned about how I end stories. Thank you. I strive really hard to not just 'finish' a story but to wrap up every tangent and every little loose thread into a pretty bow so nothing ever feels unfinished and it's not always an easy thing to do. But I've read plenty of stories where it just ends and it's like, but wait, it was so abrupt, it feels incomplete, and I don't ever want anyone to feel that way reading my stories.

I have unfortunately given up my dream of writing my own original novel as I've lost a lot of faith in my abilities due to the continual decrease of engagement and just feeling like nothing I ever write will be good enough, but thank you so much for the encouragement and the kind words. I don't think it'll ever happen, but if it does I'll for sure post a link to purchase my novel on Tumblr ;p

I could gush about all the little, beautiful details you wrote in this for hours but I will cut myself off here. But thank you, truly, for such a sweet message and kind words and I do hope to continue to see you in the comment sections of my stories for the little bits of sunshine you bring into my life🧡

[lovemyromance]

I have a little rant lol.

In general, the entire acotar fandom is immature and toxic (I honestly think its gotten so bad since nesta's book came out). Most of these people are grown women and men arguing back and forth about characters and ships. It's bad enough that its been going on for years that its sad. "I'll laugh at the elriels or gwnyriels or the eluciens if their ship isnt endgame" Do the people who say that realize how embarrassing they are? Many people are going to have good and terrible theories but bashing people and harassing people over fictional characters is just immature. I also hate when they say "its that [insert ship] the one who is being the most toxic and weird" NO. its all of you. None of us know who is going to be endgame no matter the theories you have or anything. YOU DONT KNOW. So, please, can we stop this already? its getting annoying and weird. This fandom has made it incredibly difficult to know who the next book is going to be about when its right in front of their eyes. Sarah has not made it impossible to know who the next will be about and I think thats why shes been so quiet about because everyone is being so aggressive about this ship war. I just know the moment she announces the couple, she'll get a ton of hate when its not even her fault because people love to twist her words on paper and thinks she's probably doing that but it could mean a whole other thing. Yall have let theories get to your head and twisted words so much that I think it's incredibly unhealthy for all of you to be acting this way. Stick with who you ship or love and of course, you can have beautiful theories, but toxicity is not necessary. No need to go back and forth about who is the real "endgame".

I mean yeah this fandom is insane. Sometimes as I'm aggressively typing out a reply to an anon who calls me a delusional psychotic bitch bc I made an Elriel post they didn't like, I genuinely just blink and think what the fuck am I doing?

It's partly why I didn't want get involved. At all.

I still try to keep to myself. Only even entertain the antis if they come to my posts. I stick to my own tags.

But there are people - and you're right they are from both sides, as I have also said multiple times on my blog -that go out of their way to start a fight on posts they know aren't meant for them.

These are the people that are making this fandom so toxic. Like I understand, no one person can be responsible for a fandom's collective behavior, but you can be responsible for yourself at the very least.

I have always made it clear what i believe acceptable behavior for discourse in this fandom is and isn't. It's not something I can personally enforce for others, but I can follow myself.

It really is crazy how out of hand this fandom has gotten because other people can't control themselves. If I see an anti Elriel post I don't like (and I don't follow any tags, actually, so I see ALL the ships posting), I have the self control to ignore it and keep scrolling.

This fandom has been overrun by childish adults, intent on being louder than the rest. It's crazy how many disgusting things have been said over just fictional characters, it makes me wonder what these people are like in real life.

At the end of the day - there's going to be a book and one side is going to be proven right. It's not worth all these vitriol that's been spewed across all sides just to "be right". I at least, would be perfectly fine to read an Elucien book. If Elriel does happen, I'm certainly not going to lord it over anyone's head and laugh.

Not worth my time. Not worth my energy.

[monstrous-flower]

Hi Doll, it's your favorite fellow, "Compliment Anon"... 💕💕💕

I can't believe I'm writing this; I would've loved to keep this whole train going until you felt better, but with every passing day I feel something terrible draws near and so I'm finally doing something that I should've done much sooner, while I still have the opportunity to do it.

I'm sorry for annoying you consistently over the course of these past months and, moreover, causing you more harm than good. You've always reminded me of someone that I cared for deeply, who I've lost and who's disappearance I've never been able to recover from. I've always wanted to be there to uplift you, as you've uplifted others into your arms and supported them regardless of what you were going through, but I was – and admittedly still am – convinced that knowing who I was would only make things get worse. I know it's very self-centered to think that people hate me, that they pay attention to me and remember what I've done, even if it is just to resent me, but here we are...

What I mean to say is that I wanted to help you in these consistently worsening times and, while I felt relief at first when I saw you appreciate all my messages, a new fear began to set in – the utter terror that you'd find out about who I am on accident and that you'd possibly disappear as well...

I've been ruminating on the thought of actually revealing to you who I am; mulling it over for the past weeks, especially given the current state of the world. I think I'm finally ready to truly confess to you...

I think that I've done an absolutely shameful thing – concealing my identity for so long just because I feared being shunned and left behind again – so I truly wouldn't blame you if you wanted to fully cut ties with me / block me / etcetera...

But I do want to say that you've become another important figure in my life and that, without you, I probably wouldn't be the same. You're a firefly kindly guiding me through lush woods; you're the lingering taste of flowers being carried over by a spring breeze and the warmth of tea during the freezing winter days.

I mean to say that you give me life, and knowing that I shared a moment in time with you, even if it's just a fraction in the grand scheme of things, will mean the world to me forevermore.

With much love,

– Spooky <3

i'll be honest.. by the time you were sending those last few messages, i had figured out who you were. you were so quick to like certain posts and while i could be upset or angry that you kept it a “secret” i’m not at all. you did something that made me feel truly seen .. you sent me these long heartfelt messages to help pull me out of my own head. i could just leave this message unanswered to respect your privacy but i think it’s important for everyone to know who sent it. i have nothing but love and positivity toward you, spooky. i never feel anything negative when it comes to you .. sometimes i worry but who wouldn’t? the thought of losing someone like you is hard to bear. as much as it pains me to say it i can’t control your decisions and that’s what tears me apart inside. if you were to leave i wouldn’t have been able to stop it and that thought destroys me. i feel like i’m selfish in a way always too late to step in when it matters most. my life feels so overwhelming and consuming that my actions might come across as self-centered even if that’s not my intention. i don’t want to lose you more than anything.. i’m terrified of that possibility. but no matter how much i care, i can’t seem to truly reach out to people when they need it most. i’m not going to block you .. i’ve never found you annoying not even once. you genuinely mean so much to me and i hope “soon” is far, far away. i want you to live for as long as you possibly can even if it's devastating and destroys you all you can do is come out a better person...

[mmmthornton]

i don't hate gay people, i am a gay person and i.love gay people. i didn't smear her, i rightfully called her out on her transphobia, because people need to know she (and you) align yourself with those who smear people like me as pedophiles and rapists.

For context: https://www.tumblr.com/butch-reidentified/719311495708753921/pajrc1234-blocked-me-before-even-commenting-that I'm not sure why you sent this anon; i thought at first that maybe @pajrc1234 is a side blog but its the one you replied on? In any case, since my message to YOU was off anon and you used "I" to address yourself, for transparency I'm keeping your information here.

Hey, i'm really angry about this but I'm holding myself back from being mean and sarcastic to make a point.

The whataboutism? Stops fucking here. There ARE issues in the gay community. There ARE issues with lesbophobia, misogyny, there is petty drama, there is stupid bullshit, there is every conceivable kind of human flaw and foible to be found in human beings under the LGBT umbrella. Do you know why that is? Its because we're human beings, with all the variety that that entails.

That means that, for a community to still be able to come together, we need to recognize we'll bruise some elbows and even come across Genuine Bad Actors in all areas of life. We deserve to look out for OTHERS in our community by calling out behavior - BEHAVIOR - itself that is harmful.

What that does NOT MEAN. Is that you start a witch hunt, targeting almost EXCLUSIVELY same-sex attracted woman. for THINKING or ASSOCIATING with the "wrong" ideas or people.

Do you notice what I did there? Do you recognize theres a difference between "BEHAVIOR" and "THINKING"? or even "CRITIQUING"? Because I don't know that you do! And i don't know if a lot of the loudest voices in "queer activism" these days knows that either. Because it seems to me its pretty clear the people who are actually COMMITING the hate crimes that target gay people (uhhhh including trans women, because thats the only demographic anyone wants to talk about when they go into a lesbians inbox), are NOT people IN the community sharing tragic and traumatic events from their own lives.

Lesbians are members of the LGBT Community. Lesbians have a RIGHT to to be here, and we have a RIGHT to discus the things that are hurting us, same as anyone else.

What you DON'T have a right to do, is police the lived experiences of lesbians on the internet or otherwise, to play out your own victim complex. If YOU BELIEVE that eeeeveryone is out to get you, and that SOMEHOW the worst participants are lesbians on tumblr, I need you to know that is pathetic of you.

Women to start with - Cis women even, if you want to be specific - have the lowest possible numbers for violence. Cis women have the lowest numbers for supporting conservative ideas - by voting records! We have that data. Add on top of that, lesbians are a TINY minority of all cis women. So, a minority of a population that is more frequently targeted for violence is SO SCARY to you, that you HAVE to defensively smear their name before they can get you?

Grow the fuck up. I don't actually believe you're "afraid" of violence from lesbian women. I think you just found a way to be a bully and have your victim cake too. Women aren't required to be extra special niceys to you, the only thing we have to do is survive amidst the other factors that make that difficult, and honestly if you have to turn any attempt at LGBT healing into "But what if you maybe someday possibly align yourself with my actual enemies?!" I think you're a wuss. If you actually cared about chasing out bad actors and right wing extremists, you wouldn't go after the demographic that is the LEAST likely to vote republican.

You don't go after the real enemies, because you KNOW that men are more likely to be violent and abusive and harass you and do all the things that you accuse "TERF"s of doing. You're more afraid of them than you are willing to face the problem, and women are an easy target to you because of that. That is the definition of a coward. Hell, that's probably what got you so mad! @butch-reidentified was in a horrifying situation and survived, WHILE helping someone else, and it triggered you so badly you just dug deep into your ugly woman-hating soul to immediately slander her name and make it about YOU.

You. Are. Pathetic. Get better or shut up.

[luna-loveboop]

Why don’t you have your pronouns in your bio? I want to interact with your account but as a trans person it makes me feels unsafe if an account doesn’t have pronouns listed. (Genuine question, not trying to attack or anything)

Hello hi :D

I generally take a long time to reply (I choose to take a while so I am not rushing my responses), but I want you to feel safe so I will try and respond quickly

***I tried to respond as a private ask but I think I can't, so my response to anon is under the cut. It is way too long, but I don't want to trim it down and keep friend waiting

^^tone indicators for all of my response is positive and genuine- I am curious and sincere

Thank you for sending this- I love that you are brave enough to ask and I hear you. I'm honoured that you like my account and would love for you to interact with it! I want you to feel safe tho, let's figure it out

Could I ask for advice? I am not yet completely understanding of tumblr or how everything works. I'm not certain what a bio is or where to put it.

I have so far avoided posting a pinned post, or having personal information in my blog description (<is that bio?). I have preferred just having posts- I am also not very comfortable reblogging things yet. I'm not certain how to explain why, but that is the form my anxiety has taken in managing my account appearance. Is it ok to leave it as is?

As far as changes I am slow on that as well, and might take a bit- but again I will try to hurry because I never want you to feel unsafe. You are worth any extent of kindness

So if I may ask- what is a blog bio, and where would I be supposed to put my pronouns? I think others have explained a bit on this but sometimes I don't understand immediately. Is this something that will make people feel unsafe? And may I ask why? I understand if this is uncomfortable, but I always want to be honest and genuine, and learn rather than pretending I know everything. I am autistic and often take a long time to understand things socially. Could not having pronouns be seen as a rejection of my trans friends?

I also have believed they/them to be the sort of default- as a sign of respect for my trans people I say they/them if I am uncertain. I want to help people feel validated with they/them, rather than assume and say something that is not who they are

My pronouns are she/her! :D but I am ok with they/them as normal which is another reason I hadn't put them.

I have several friends I plan on asking for advice on this as well, but I would love advice from your perspective. I want to make sure your concerns specifically are cared for since you asked. If you are ok to go off of anon, could you dm me or talk in replies? I want to learn. Or you could send me asks in anon- but I do not want to seem like I’m telling you what to do, or demand you talk openly if it makes you uncomfortable.

Friend :)

If I have accidentally said something very offensive I am so sorry and please help me understand- I have a heart for you even if words get in the way. I hope I am not defensive- learning and growing and changing are the best parts of life

If anything I said came across as rude or blunt I am sorry- I tell you that is not what I mean and I want to be friendly and light. I struggle with language sometimes (sometimes) which is why I normally take long to respond.

...

Hi friend! I think you are very cool and you've made me happy- now I can learn more :D if I was too intense or seemed demanding I am sorry- I got slightly panicked. I want you to feel heard and safe :)))

I feel secure in my gender identity and would not be adverse to being trans. I have spent so much time searching tho- I enjoy bragging about always having skirts with the best pockets.

I know this post is way too long and I repeated myself- I ramble lol but want to help you feel loved quickly

.

Edit: hate to add more, but hi anon! Many of my friends have come to help me understand more. Thank you for asking- I did not know and love to learn. I've added pronouns, and want to always make changes so people can feel safe. You don't have to go off of anon if you don't want, but if there's anything else I can do let me know. You are so so cool :)))

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hello bpp!

I know you’ve talked about solo stans or akgaes on &off in a lot of your posts but I was wondering if you can make something like a guide to how to spot them in the wild like their common talking points etc because I see so many well meaning armys both new &old keep falling for their ideas not knowing how distorted their perception of bts and hybe is. I think it would be really helpful. I shared your anti post to a few fellow armys & they found it really helpful esp since at the time jimin was getting a lot of hate &a lot of us were feeling bad for him. It would be really helpful if we had something like that for solos or akgaes but ofc only if you wanted or if you had time cuz i know your really super busy. Thank you bpp!

*

Ask 2: Bpp with this BB issue deleting Jimin's sales with no comment from the company, people are becoming solo stans and I don't know how to stop it. I tried explaining to my friend that BH isn't liked by BB, they're a Korean company and BB is a private American company that has all the power so BH has to be careful to not blacklist BTS more than before. She brought up newjeans but I told her it's under a different company but she didn't care. She's now saying boycott D Day is the only way BH will listen! I never knew she had this side to her! What can I do?

***

Hi Anon(s),

I'm not trying to convince anybody here. When I write what I do, I'm not actually asking anybody to agree with me, nor do I care if they do. And this applies to solos, shippers, OT7 ARMYs whatever version or combination of those comes across my posts.

This is probably going to be controversial (lol), but I think the people who become solo stans, akgaes, shooters, toxic shippers, etc, were always going to be that. Granted, sometimes siloed environments can radicalize people into joining those factions, like baby ARMYs who get into taekook through Youtube rabbit holes, but it's also true some people are naturally more susceptible to radicalization than others, and some people are more prone to twisted ways of thinking, they just need a cause or catalyst. And I'm not interested in pointing out the road maps to get out of cuckooland.

What I've observed is that a lot of the time, the view a person takes about Jimin, BTS, k-pop, HYBE, etc, has more to do with their own personal inclinations/experiences, than anything that's actually happening in reality.

*

*

*

*

*

*

I look at all the above and see an asylum let loose.

There's nothing to be done for these people. And I'm genuinely not interested in convincing any of these sorts of people to get their heads out of their ass.

It's no good pointing out the difference in power dynamics between BigHit and Eldridge Industries, if the person you're talking to is personally distrustful of authority and corporations to begin with.

What good is there talking to someone who refuses to understand how an independent label/subsidiary functions within a parent/conglomerate?

Do you think the people calling for BigHit to market BTS the way those fans and the Western entertainment industry would prefer, care about the number of times the members have explicitly said they've always known of easier ways to get success, but choose to decline those methods?

Every instance we have of Jimin asserting himself, a trait that over 10 years appears to be very dominant in him, becomes background noise for people who believe him to be too timid, too stupid, or too selfless to stand up for himself.

...and so on.

These are people who cannot think beyond a very narrow set of ideas that hinge on their personal experiences. They cannot imagine any other scenario in which HYBE might not release a statement in response to Billboard's selective application of the rules; they cannot think of any other reason why we haven't seen Jimin post a cake for his album, or BigHit posting an article for his Hot 100 win, except that their golden boy is suffering in the gilded cage that is HYBE; they cannot think beyond their own personal needs as a fan, to see that their expectations might not align with Jimin's; they cannot comprehend any other reasons for what's happening to Jimin, except that his team is actively sabotaging his career out of malice and coercion (by their expectations); that Yoongi akgae (in SS above) cannot comprehend the eventual outcome of their race to the bottom with other members' akgaes, when reporting playlists for rival members or review bombing their albums; they cannot think of any other reasons why xyz member has less lines, screentime, promotion times, etc; and so on.

Something you'll notice about every solo stan and toxic shipper, every single one, is that all their ideas always lead to one logical conclusion. They can dress it up in different ways, and yeah there are stages where some people are farther along that narrative arc than others, but without fail, every single akgae theory is subversive to the idea of BTS, and always ends at one logical point.

Anon in ask 2, this is probably not the answer you wanted, but I have nothing to say to your friend besides "good luck". We all have at least 10 years of bangtan history available to us; we all see various examples of all the members making sacrifices to uphold the one thing they all claim they love above all else - their team; we see several examples of BigHit navigating adversarial environments in Korea *and* the West, to make BTS the biggest group in the world with ARMY supporting the whole time.

Anybody becoming an akgae today over this BB debacle and BigHit's handling of it, over Chapter 2 roll-outs and sales numbers, etc, would have been one in 2016, or 2018, or any other time the members faced inequitable treatment that just happened to hit that person's mental sweet spot, the set of conditions that in their heads that results in only one explanation: the member they love being hated and exploited by their team with no recourse and no agency. In spite of all the times the members have explicitly expressed the opposite.

Anyone losing sleep over the chaos right now wouldn't have lasted a minute as ARMY in the earlier years for BTS, and I have no qualms about letting dead weight fall off.

[teaveetamer]

Also also something I thought of while I was making prev post, and something I've been thinking of the past few days since y'know went and tried to put my anon on blast on Twitter.

It's just kind of wild how the death spiral of negativity continues with, again, Certain People. Cuz I mean. Like what on god's green earth possesses you to take random social media posts you don't like and try to blast them all over every platform you could possibly find. What even fuels that kind of misery. I can't even imagine.

I'm trying to not piss in anyone's cornflakes m'dude, at least with regard to the actual meta discussion stuff (happy to piss in your cornflakes all day when it comes to your harassment tho). I intentionally use this blog in a way so that people do not accidentally stumble across my posts. Every time you post a screenshot of one of my posts (or anyone's posts really cuz you do this with everyone) or shit talk my takes it's like you're scooping my piss out of the toilet, dumping it in your own cereal bowl, and then screaming "WOW LOOK AT THIS BITCH OVER HERE PISSING IN MY CORNFLAKES!!! HERE LOOK *sprinkles piss in every direction*"

You must realize that people are eventually going to start noticing that you are the one sprinkling them with piss, right? Your fandom identity is literally just being a curator of highly-specific, tailored ragebait )and then constantly complaining about how you have to keep looking at stuff that baits your rage). Most people wouldn't even know 90% of these posts exist if you didn't keep calling attention to them, and you don't have to look at them if they upset you that much.

At this point I'm genuinely not even mad about him screenshotting multiple posts of mine and posting them elsewhere or shit talking me. I'm honestly just baffled. Like, I refuse to believe he thinks he looks cool at this point given how embarrassing it is.

Clearly it's not earning him a huge fandom presence. I think every single blog I've ever run has had more followers than his twitter, including this one, which was literally made in the midst of Tumblr's deadest fucking userbase period (post NSFW ban, pre-Reddit and Twitter setting themselves on fire) and where I literally never tag anything and intentionally try not to appear in searches.

It can't be because he wants to make sure people avoid me, cuz I've gotten heaps more engagement since he started directing people to actually look at my blog (that's kind of what happens when you scream "HEY LOOK AT THIS! HERE'S THE USERNAME AND LINK!!!" over and over. I assume he's aware that when you keep telling people to look at something they might actually go look at it).

If he was looking to "pwn" me in some sort of epic battle for the heart of the fandom then I hate to break it to you, but anyone who communicates via anime girlie screenshots has already owned themselves harder than anything I could ever hope to do to them.

So like, yeah. Genuinely confused over here. Unless he's just that angry when people disagree with him that it's worth cutting off his nose to spite his face.

[marengogo]

hi!!

i have some questions regarding the cake issue, i'd ask chikooritajjk, but i'm honestly terrified of them 😞

did the other members get a cake for a pre release track?

ik jin got one for 'astronaut' and jk got one for both 'dreamers' + 'seven', but those are both singles...

so imo it's a little weird that the company would get tae a cake for a 'love me again' and 'rainy days' and not just wait for his album

also i saw them talking about wasting cake, but isn't there a thing where they can have the bakery frost styrofoam so it'll look like a cake? plus the members are given cakes on their birthday and sometimes they don't eat them...

don't want to cause issues btw! if jimin really didn't want a cake, i'm fine with it bc that's his choice, i'm just confused about some things

if you don't feel like answering, you don't have to!

ik you (and other bloggers) are not chikooritajjk's mail box and if i was able to come off anon without causing myself a anxiety attack 🙃, i would definitely just ask them directly! but i also like your thoughts and opinions as well on bts and jikook related things 😊

sorry for bothering you 💜

so i see my ask was taken the wrong way 😞 just want to clear up a few things i don't hate chikooritajjk, i honestly think they're lovely and are very helpful with explaining things (streaming, bts, jikook, queer topics ect), so it does make me sad that it came across that way i'm scared of them bc i have social anxiety and really want to talk to them about things they discuss (i know, it's a me problem, got that 🫡) and trust me, it took a lot to even send that ask bc ik people don't always like answering asks concerning other bloggers wasn't trying to sabotage your friendship with them either, i follow both your blogs and love BOTH OF YOUR POSTS i sent the cake ask bc i'm genuinely confused and had some questions, and like i said ik it was more so an ask for chikooritajjk, but you have been interacting their posts and agreeing with them and i also wanted to hear YOUR OWN thoughts on it i don't mind being corrected or told i'm wrong btw, as long as someone isn't rude or disrespectful (which neither you or chikooritajjk have been btw!!) i do fear that this interaction has only reinforced my issues with interacting off anon with jkkrs though, after this i'll leave you both alone (won't send anymore asks), as that is probably you want so sorry for bothering you both, i truly did not mean to cause any discomfort or issues with my ask and probably this one.... hope you both are doing well and can't wait for more of your insightful posts! — a lost anon

Hello 🎂-Anon,

Hope you don’t mind me calling you like this, if you do please let me know.

I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out the best way to tackle your Ask as I think I’ve kinda already addressed your second ask in my post this morning. See, the thing is, whoever “baked” this particular conspiracy was so successful that many are now really so convinced that the absence of said eggs, flour & milk are actually a substantial part of a lot of the evil surrounding JM. 

But let me start with the easy part of the Ask. “did the other members get a cake for a pre release track?” Namjoon didn’t get a single slice of cake from Hybe, be it pre-release or release don't worry about what the tweet says, just want you to check out the type of cakes Joonie received, if you are interested!:

Two of the cakes were given to him by separate groups of his own friends and one was sent to him by the production team of “The Dictionary of Useless Human Knowledge”.

Now, to get back to the “source of evil” topic, it is very much an issue with the way that Chapter 2 is unfolding. It’s not about eggs, flour & milk, but about the people who found a way to make you believe that eggs, flour & milk are part of the problem. It’s about not being aware of what kind of space your SM environment might have turned into, such as not knowing that Namjoon also didn’t receive a cake, because the same people who are guiding your perception are also, shaping your environment and trying to create narratives that heavily aid in hindering the gravity of real issues that the boys might be facing.

So please, if you can, forget about the cake 🎂-Anon! It’s not about wastage or the performative act, or whatever. Did JM want cake from HYBE specifically? Unless he tells us, we can’t know, I mean if you ask me, he seems to have planned his FACE WEVERSE live to a T, I really don’t think he wanted any. Anyways, what we do now know though, thanks to Tae, is that there is a high possibility he might have not wanted it. Same as Joon.

The mishandling of Chapter 2 is so Ugh! Quite literally it is as if Pandora’s Box was opened and all sorts of shit just came rushing out 😩😩😩. BUT I will address all of these in the post I mentioned that I am working on, so for now, If I could please ask you to take a second and think about the boys real quick. MEGA-Celebrities who have been in the game for 10 years (without counting pre-debut) and not only that, they are part of the biggest group on this planet, they are BIG-big, with big money, and big problems … do you see them losing sleep over eggs, flour & milk? 

Should we be? 

Hope this answers your question and I really do hope you’ll be looking forward to my post, cause, ONCE AGAIN, I REALLY CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH: There is soooooo much in Chapter 2 that needs to be address for-real-real 🤡. 

Always respectfully yours 💜🫰🏾,

Marengo.

[limeade-l3sbian]

i found a movie on letterboxd a few days ago called "daisies" and everyone in the reviews was calling it genius and feminist. i tried watching it. it's about two hyperfeminine teenage girls "trying to be as spoiled as the world" by doing things like dating older men to "trick them" into giving them free food and then abandoning the men at the train stop or cutting "phallic shaped foods" with scissors. i thought this was strange. masses of people were suggesting that things like prostituting yourself (to some degree), performing entirely hollow gestures in the confines of your own room, or even just simply happening to be female were all feminist actions. there were even several comments suggesting that the characters' indulgence in femininity is "feminist," as well. it all struck me as familiar. relevant, even. so i decided to dig a little deeper.

the director said she wasn't a feminist and neither was the film, and that "individualist" fit her (and the film) better. male critics of the past deemed her film feminist, though. the reviews were conflicting on whether the film was anti-capitalist or anti-communist, clearly entirely depending on the political beliefs held by the person writing on it. i will have to agree with the director, however; her film does come across as extremely individualistic to me.

revisiting the reviews on letterboxd, it became incredibly clear to me that there were droves of people using the term "feminist" in a way that was completely removed from actual feminism. they were using it in the libfem way. when they said "feminist" they explicitly mean "i believe women and girls should be able to choose whether they hate the shackles of their oppression, or fully embrace them," rather than "i believe women and girls should not be shackled." there is no actual criticism of the powers that be. it is a hopeless ideology that seems to believe that the only freedom female people will ever have over their oppression is the "freedom" to choose between participating in it or complaining about it (to no avail, since "isn't it unfair to stop other people from indulging in it if they like it?").

this was solidified to me when i delved deeper into the reviews and spotted one particularly honest one amidst reviews celebrating the "boldness" and "feminism" of two teenage girls "taking advantage of creepy old men" (though surely such predatory men do deserve to be hurt, it's naïve and perhaps even misogynistic in of itself to suggest that teenage girls have the power to meaningfully take from men by giving them exactly what they want). it claimed something along the lines of "this is a feminist film" then clarified "but not a film for those man-hating "feminists"."

to tell the truth, i can't say i found the film to be all that politically intelligent, unless i am to believe "it is bad when other people are selfish and indulgent, but it is good when i or the people i like are selfish and indulgent (though we have to be careful, because other people simply won't understand that we are good people no matter what we do)" to be well-informed praxis. but that's precisely how many "leftists" think, isn't it? at least as of late. everyone for themselves. feelings above reality. if you're not having fun, that's your fault. and, really, aren't you just killing the mood for everyone else? that's a more unforgivable crime than anything else.

but i'll have to admit this is all a bit beyond my reach. i'm rambling because i don't feel i have total clarity on all this. that's why i'm reaching out. it probably won't go anywhere, but i hope it does.

You claim not to have total clarity but just perfectly made an example of the issue with choice feminism. Don't undercut yourself, anon. There's genuinely nothing for me to add because you said it perfectly.

[something-about-sunflowers]

hiii i don't really go here except in a super secondhand way and therefore i don't have an opinion on this as discourse, i just wanted to point out specifically that the framing of "it speaks volumes of ur opinion of ed that you think he could be hurt in this way + that he couldn't easily remove someone attempting to abuse him from his life" in ur post feels kind of like it's victim-blaming irl survivors of abuse, or at least has a negative view of them in situations where it isn't that simple. this probably comes down to wording, but i just wanted to mention it because it made me uncomfortable!

Alright, so I'm going to assume this is in good faith, because it really does my head in worrying that every dissenting ask I get relating to an opinion I have about or around Izzy Hands is someone intentionally reading what I'm saying in the worst faith imaginable. I do have to say though, Anon, this is very much a 'you say you like pancakes so that means you hate waffles' kind of interpretation of what I was saying.

Prefacing that, if I come across as aggressive, it's not my intent. I'm just trying to be frank and sometimes that can read as aggression over text.

So, first. What I said really says nothing to how I view real life survivors of abuse because I am not talking about real life survivors of abuse. I am talking about fictional characters. One, specifically, that I do not interpret as - currently - experiencing abuse.

Second, I'm speaking to Izzy's inability to enact abuse towards Ed, by way of the interpretation of him by the very same people who think he is abusing him. I don't believe he's capable of it for a number of reasons but some of the same people who spout the 'Izzy is Ed's abuser' *ahem* 'meta' also - incongruously - seem to view him as incredibly incompetent in everything he does, except where it can fuel their agenda. 'It speaks to how you view Ed' because the belief that Izzy is otherwise genuinely incompetent, yet somehow still able to hold this power over Ed, denigrates Ed's own competency.

Third, this isn't a 'situation where it's less simple' because it's not abuse. Abuse necessitates a power imbalance in the favor of the person - supposedly, in this case - doing the abusing, otherwise it's just an unhealthy/toxic relationship. I have the utmost sympathy for people in abusive relationships and in unhealthy/toxic relationships but they are not the same. Ed has the social and professional power over Izzy in their relationship. Ed is, textually, better at manipulating Izzy than Izzy is at manipulating Ed.

If you took away all of Izzy's negative interactions with Ed, Ed would be Izzy's abuser. If you took away all of Ed's negative interactions with Izzy, Izzy still wouldn't be Ed's abuser because he's not in a position of power over Ed. Keeping them both the way they are, they're mutually toxic towards one another.

Perhaps it is an issue with my wording, perhaps it's an issue with our individual interpretations of the characters, perhaps it's just that you don't know me and assumptions make asses out of us all. Or maybe I was wrong in assuming good faith and you're really just trying to levy social justice language at me a la 'abuse apologist' in an attempt to keep me silent, like the Izzy Canyon's favorite little bastard Anon. I'd like to think it's not that though.

That said, if what I say makes you uncomfortable, either my original post or my clarification here, by all means - for your own sake - go ahead and block me. I do not intend to cause discomfort with the things I say and/or the way I say them but I simply do not have the time or the energy to carefully word my posts so that they cater to every possible interpretation of them.

I am more than willing to offer explanations or clarifications where someone might ask but, frankly, I cannot, will not, and should not have to preempt every potential read - bad faith or not.

[bi-sapphics]

hi I’m the same anon and I read your response. I hope I didn’t misinterpret anything you said.

I agree that it’s unhelpful to harass people for past things if they’ve genuinely changed, but I guess there are some disclaimers. like you I also had a small blog with maybe 20 followers at most, and my most popular post (out of. 3?) got 120 notes if I remember correctly. I never talked about my beliefs irl. but I did harass one person online with two gross anon messages who was starting to consider themself non-binary (albeit I swiftly stopped after talking to them when I learned they were psychotic. I didn’t want to make them feel any worse than they probably already were).

needles to say I regret that immensely. but as for the other things I mentioned, they’re still terrible. being in that headspace is really fucking unhealthy because it’s so disconnected from reality. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you have to actively want to change, and most importantly do something about it. change is gradual, even if you know you’ve been wrong. saying you had a rf blog out of “curiosity” makes something terrible seem innocuous. if you’re going around saying you being a rf was out of curiosity I don’t think people are going to believe you really see that era of your life as so bad. my philosophy is that if you’re talking about something harmful you did or believed in, you shouldn’t bring it up out of nowhere and when you do talk about it, talk about it with regret. if you truly believe what you did was bad, the emotion should come forth naturally.

I think people who’ve got their priorities straight will be content that you’ve gotten out of that hateful headspace and (hopefully) are now helping spread awareness and support for trans rights. nonetheless you should be aware of your past actions and try to learn from them.

oh, i agree completely!

and i'm glad you added the part about how even innocent intentions, or just pure curiosity, doesn't absolve you of having gone there ─ because i honestly forgot to do so myself, and i guess subconsciously assumed that was somewhat implied. my point was that it shouldn't be a defining reputation of any sort going forward into the future like like all these obsessive people want it to be. if someone comes upfront to talk about working on themselves and how they learned from their decisions without even being pressured to, then they should at least be given a chance! especially when the outcome of their time was at such a low degree of change, if any at all.

i do think it's worth mentioning that it's always a good thing to learn about what your opponent truly believes or says when not being confronted within their own spaces. even if you're not looking for a debate, it's generally the most sincere thing you can do if you're going to be talking about them, or at least actively advocating for the other side.

of course, that's different from the type of interest that encourages you to treat them as a reliable source. it's something we have to be careful about, because it's easy to fall into those sort of hiveminds when you're not keeping what you're reading in check. we have to walk a line between avoiding that and also avoiding spreading blatantly false information. that's not to say anyone like radfems deserve the upmost respect and care, because they don't, but it is to say that managing not to straight-up slander someone is usually a good look that makes you more credible. it's... what anyone is supposed to do, really.

but besides that, it's all you can do. if people don't see sense in that then all they have to do is block ─ also a miniscule action ─ and beyond that it just comes across as unhelpful harassment to me.

just my extra two cents.

[carlosfruitsnacks]

"who's that girl?"

summary:

— Having lost a bet with your sister, you were forced to wear a dress to Antonio's gift ceremony. Despite your protests, your family manages to drag you with them to the event. You were not prepared for the set of hazel eyes staring at you, lovingly.

genre:

— fluff

notes:

— male reader. I do not speak fluent Spanish and all of the Spanish here is translated from google, feel free to correct me.

warning/s:

— mild cussing

a/n:

— a lovely request from anon, a bit late but i hope you like it!

Rage, dread, embarrassment, and any other negative emotion seemed to have filled you the moment your sister's laugh echoed in the air. Your ego was crushed as you were left crumbling to your knees, completely shattered.

"I win! You know what that means, loser"

Your sister mocked you as you sent her a deadly glare. You can't believe you just lost a bet against your sister, and now you're going to pay the price. But there's still refusal left in you.

"No, I'm not doing it"

"Just do it, you wimp!"

Your head shoots up to see the devilish grin plastered across her face, talk about quality family time. You crossed your arms and leaned back, an embarrassed flush decorating your cheeks as your sister goes to fetch an item inside of her closet. She throws a beautiful vibrant dress in your direction, you look at it with horror.

"Don't you have any other dresses that are less eye-catching?"

"Nope, this is the only one I have that will fit you"

"I hate you"

A groan left your lips as you pulled the roots of your hair. Your sister rolls her eyes and tugs on your arm, she leads you towards the mirror with her dress in your hands.

"A bet is a bet, I'll wait outside"

With that, she exits the room. You released a stressed sigh as you eyed the dress and your reflection in the mirror. You bit your lip in contemplation. It was just one day, your sister said and promised. You try to look at things on the brighter side but you're uncomfortable. You've never worn a dress before. But curiosity peeks through as you begin to shed off your clothes.

"I guess there's a first for everything"

You shrugged and slipped on the dress. A genuine gasp of surprise emits from you as you meet your reflection in the mirror. Your throat goes momentarily dry as you do a little twirl. The dress complimented the shape of your body including your skin tone. You fix a tiny strand of your hair, you almost didn't recognize yourself

"Wow, now who's this beautiful lady?"

"DON'T COME IN!"

You screamed but your sister has already entered. She clapped her hands like a five-year-old and giggled at you.

"Oh my god, you look fantastic. I'm not even being sarcastic"

"Fuck off"

"Come on, look at you! God, I can't believe I'm jealous"

She crossed her arms and it makes you laugh. You would be lying if you didn't find yourself in a dress attractive, a part of you was suddenly awake the moment you put the clothing on. You decide to give your sister a twirl for a little entertainment.

"Looks like all the attractive genes got to me"

"How dare you! You look like an ugly ogre!"

"You're just mad because I'm prettier than you"

You batted your eyelashes and your sister reaches for the nearest pillow to throw on your face. The two of you spent laughing and throwing each other pillows for a few minutes until a knock on the door interrupts you.

"What are you two...oh"

Your mother stops in her tracks at the sight of you wearing a dress. Immediately, you went to hide behind your sister out of embarrassment.

"It was a stupid bet, mom!"

"Of course, it is, get ready we're heading over to the Madrigals in a few minutes"

Your mother shuts the door. Shit, you completely forgot you have a gift ceremony to attend! You give your sister a fearful glance.

"I can't go to the ceremony wearing this dress!"

"Psh, coward"

An offended gasp exits from you. With a little amount of ego left, you were conflicted if you wanted to prove her wrong or if you didn't want to show up to an event dressed up like this. You point a finger at your sister.

"This is your fucking fault!"

"Hell no, you lost the bet. It's on you"

You frowned and sent a nasty glare at your sister for being right. As the rest of your family prepares, you were left standing wondering what to do. Your parents found out you were not changing back to your own clothes because your pride refuses to, and they both sighed.

"Just attend the ceremony in that dress, [Name]"

"No! I look like a moron!"

"Well, at least pretend you're not one, it's not like you look bad in it"

They both remarked as a tiny blush appears on your cheeks. You finally give in and decided to go to the gift ceremony in a dress. For extra precaution, you stole one of your mother's hand fans to cover half of your face with. You walked with your family towards the Madrigal's house and it was already filled with people. Sweat drips down your back as the beating of your heart goes louder and faster, you can't believe you're doing this.

You managed to enter the Casita without anybody recognizing you, other folks were even whispering and pointing at you. It was unsure what they were gossiping about. A few of the Madrigals were greeting guests as they arrive, and your stomach suddenly drops to the ground. You can't let them recognize you. With a firm grip on the fan, you focused on covering half of your face while greeting a few of the family members. When you thought you have escaped detection, you whip your head to notice a pair of hazel eyes gawk at you, lovingly.

You froze in your spot. It was Camilo Madrigal, and his eyes were glimmering and he was slack-jawed at the sight of you. Your face turns warm as you quickly looked away and walked off. Meanwhile, Camilo excuses himself to chase after you but he meets the massive crowd inside, his eyes search for you but he fails.

Eventually, Antonio's gift ceremony starts and his room reveals his gift. Everybody was in awe of the interior of the boy's room, it was a jungle! Filled with various animals and colorful lights. The Madrigals rejoiced at their youngest member's successful ceremony. The celebration swiftly begins inside. So far, you have survived without a single soul knowing who you are. You were sneaking death glares to your sister every now and then. The music was loud and joyous, you wished you could dance and have a good time but this fear of getting recognized held you back.

Camilo seemed distracted during the celebration. He couldn't stop thinking about you entering the Casita with the most beautiful dress known to man. He wanted to talk to you so badly. He sighed and went to fetch a snack when he meets you, also getting a snack. You two lock eyes and Camilo drops his snack. You looked incredibly stunning! His knees grow weak and he fails to find his voice to speak.

You let out a quiet gasp and began to flee, Camilo reaches for you but you managed to get away. He snaps his fingers. The shapeshifter squeezes through people and successfully finds you standing alone nearby a tree. Dolores walks by and raised a brow at him, his eyes twinkled and pointed at you as he looked at his sister.

"Who's that girl?"

Normally, Dolores would know who's who but surprisingly, she has no clue who you are. She stops to think and gives her brother a shrug.

"...I don't know. She must be new, this is my first time seeing her"

"I can tell. Ay, ella es tan bella"

Camilo looks at you from afar, full of longingness. Dolores rolls her eyes, if possible, hearts would be in his eyes.

"If you like her so much, why don't you ask for her name"

"Good idea, mi hermana"

The shapeshifter lets out a confident smile and goes to approach you. From the corner of your eyes, you notice Camilo walking toward you, and you panic. You start to turn your heel and try to escape him. The Madrigal tilts his head in confusion but he doesn't dare let you run away. Camilo chases you throughout Antonio's huge room. You kept the fan close to your face, unwilling to reveal your face to him. You saw the door outside the room and made the run for it, you sprinted down the stairs and outside the casita. You panted and removed the fan from your face.

"Wait! Hold on!"

Camilo's voice called for you and your heart merely leaps out of your chest. Before you can attempt another escape, the shapeshifter grabs your arm. You swiftly cover your face with the fan and blinked at him. He catches his breath and looks at you, he gives you a smile.

"Uh, hi"

He says. You gulped and glanced at his hold on your arm, he realizes and lets his hand go. Camilo runs a hand through his curls and chuckled softly.

"I'm Camilo"

You can only nod at him, not wanting to reveal your voice either. Camilo takes a step towards you, obviously interested in having a conversation.

"So...are you new around here?"

The shapeshifter asked, you shook your head. The evening was nice and the wind was blowing, Camilo gets lost in your eyes and stumbles over his words. You were fighting the urge to smile, you found this side of him cute.

"You're...you're very beautiful"

The compliment catches you off guard, and your eyes blink several times at him. The Madrigal lets out a nervous laugh, his freckled cheeks had a tint of pink in them.

"I can't help but notice you and I was wondering if I could know your name"

You were utterly speechless. You were flattered out of all things, you appreciated that he found you beautiful but you felt like this was the wrong place to start. As the wind blows strongly, it manages to knock the fan out of your hands and your heart skips a beat. Camilo reaches for the fan but as he went to hand it to you, he goes rigid.

"...You're a dude?!"

He exclaimed. Your face goes all shades of red and waved your arms, you stumbled over your words trying your best to explain.

"I...shit, I'm sorry! Camilo, you're sweet and all but this is a misunderstanding! And I get it if you're weirded out..."

"Who says I'm weirded out?"

Camilo says and it cuts your words short. You open and close your mouth until you buried your face in your hands, severely blushing and bashful. The shapeshifter walks over to you and returns the fan, you look at him and he was still gazing at you with those loving eyes.

"I don't care if you're a guy, I think you're still beautiful"

"Oh god, stop it"

The shapeshifter laughs and you can feel the butterflies swarm in your stomach. You don't know who to blame at this point, your sister or yourself? Nonetheless, you find it nice that Camilo seemed unbothered to you wearing a dress. He makes the bold move to reach for your hand and grin, you felt like fainting on the spot.

"So, what's your name, chico hermoso?"

"[Name]"

You choked out, completely entranced by him. Camilo goes to kiss the back of your hand and gives you a wink, you bite your nails as you melt inside.

"It was nice knowing you, [Name]. Want to head back inside with me?"

"Sure"

Camilo gleefully takes your hand and leads you inside the Casita. It was safe to say that you didn't regret losing the bet against your sister and wearing this dress.

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