#angsty white british boys with Dark pasts

[the-ocean-is-trans]

L.L McKinney is really serving up the bisexual disaster content we need. Girl wakes up in a castle with her girl crush waiting by her bedside. Girl flirts and admires girl crush's ripped biceps, despite already being in an entire ass relationship with a boy. Girl finds out her twinky bi boyfriend is being held prisoner in the castle and tears herself from her crush's muscular embrace to go find him. All this is happening while her boyfriend's ex-boyfriend is hanging out with her mom and grandmother.

[parkeraul]

Drunk bestfriend!Tom confessing his feelings for you while you take care of him

→ can you feel me? | t.h.

author’s note — hey ya, thanks for requesting. i hope you like it! requests are open again for tom, peter & shawn, btw. hit the askbox.

pairing: tom holland x reader | bestfriend!au

masterlist┊add yourself to my taglists┊give me feedbacks.

warnings — fluff, kind of angsty, swearing, brief mentions of sex and alcohol consumption. 

“Turn around,” Tom says, walking slowly as he tries hard not to miss a step. “I don’t want you to see my intimacy.”

Y/N stands up from the bed as soon as she sees her best friend walking drowsily, his right hand holding the edges of the towel wrapped around his waist together. His left hand palms the wall, as if they could only show him what way he should follow to reach the wardrobe. The brown eyes are glued on the wooden floor, slow steps coming closer as Y/N prompts herself to stretch both arms and offer him her hands to guide his trail. 

“Nah, no,” Tom refuses, shifting his hands up in the air and away from her touch, which leads to his towel to loosen and start to fall. “I can handle myself,” A hiccup interrupts him briefly, frame tumbling backwards as he loses balance for a moment. “I’m fine, look!”

As soon as he stops talking, he opens his arms and starts to lift his right foot to fold his knee and make a 4 shape with his legs — obviously, tilting from side to side due to the dizziness. 

“Tom, what the hell?!” Y/N hisses, long strides leading her to grab both his arms and bring him back to Earth. “Quit fucking around, this ain’t funny.”

Laughing, Tom falls forwards and hugs his best friend clumsily, squishing her body with his powerless limbs. He felt a numbness running through his nerves, but his muscular arms made Y/N feel like he was using all of his might to hold her against his cold body. It’s all too good until she feels him starting to get heavier, pressing down on her. 

“Help me change, kitten?” He mumbles weakly, arms still tangled around her shoulders as they tiptoe left and right to avoid crashing down. 

“Kitten?” Y/N asks, frowning. 

“Kitten.” 

“Don’t call me kitten.” 

“Why not?” The british boy asks back, burying his face on the crook of her neck, sniffing her scent and closing his sleepy eyes. “You liked it when Raul called you that in high school.” 

“Will you let that go?” She sighs, smiling and Tom smiles along because he can notice it, even though he doesn’t have a view. Her words slipped out way too softly for her not to be grinning, he knows it like the palm of his hand. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you about that.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” While Y/N helps him step away, he lets out a breathy laugh and chews on his bottom lip no longer after, hands trailing their way back to his dark–red towel threatening to fall. “I remember you shaking whenever he came across, you liked it.” 

Y/N guides Tom to flop onto the mattress, where he sits down with a lazy smile sprawled across his flushy face. There are droplets scrolling down his chest, his short hair a little bit damp and his skin getting goosebumps as the cold temperature envolves the bedroom. She walks to his drawers, choosing one of his various Calvins for him to wear as he watches her attentive like a child.

“I so didn’t.” 

“You did.” 

“I fuckin’ did not!” 

“Y/N, come on,” He speaks loudly, accent dripping down strongly everytime he opened his mouth. “You literally sent me a message that day talking about–” 

Not looking back, she tosses a black pair of Calvins right onto his face, looking for his pajamas on another drawer and hoping she had shut him up with the fabric. 

“Talking about how he moaned weirdly and couldn’t stop talking during sex.” 

“Where the fuck are your pajamas?” She sighs, slamming the drawers shut as she gets no success. 

“Do you still hate when people talk during sex?” Tom unfolds his underwear, only looking at it as he has no willing on putting them on. 

“It’s not that I hate it, it depends,” Y/N answers nonchalantly, finding on his bottom drawer a pair of sweats that she throws it back to him. “Raul was annoying, I hated it with him.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“He was a son of a bitch, you knew that,” She emphasizes, closing the drawer as she opens the biggest door of his wardrobe to search for a cozy blanket to cover him with. “You knew that before I did, actually.” 

Tom’s head starts to spin, vision getting blurry as he tries to watch Y/N’s actions across his bedroom. It’s hard to focus, but the fact that she’s staying here to help him get ready to sleep and taking care of him seems to connect more with the moment — even if it means he can only feel clearly, sight losing itself more and more. He doesn’t remember when he started to lose control, or how many tequila shots he had in between the countless bottles of beer he took. The taste remains still on his memory, as fresh as the emotions blossoming across his thumping chest. Something’s wrong. 

“You gonna throw up, aren’t you?” 

“Huh?” 

This time, even though it’s unfocused, Tom’s eyes are staring at a random spot. More precisely, the spot where her body was before she shifted to the side with a warm blanket on her hands and a worried look at his direction. 

“No, I’m not,” He says with a smile. “Just thinkin’ how Raul really was a son of a bitch.” 

“Still?” 

“He was a lucky son of a bitch, though,” Tom explains, trying to manage his underwear among his fingers to dress it up. “Was he a good kisser at least?” 

When Tom’s body inches to the left dangerously, Y/N runs to him — the blanket long forgotten at the end of the bed as she knees down on the floor, taking the underwear onto her own hands. 

“Fuck, Tom.”

She tries to pass the waistband up his feet correctly and Tom is still taken aback by her words. What the heck? 

Another hiccup comes suddenly, a warm sensation soothing the left side of his chest and quickly travelling down to the center of it. Soon, it’s burning his entire upper half with a feeling he can’t describe; he doesn’t want to describe. Tom’s been doing great by avoiding it everytime if came up, but further than that, it flew down to his lower stomach and found home on it, building a light coil unconsciously. 

“Let me do this.” He says flatly, trying to recover his senses and grabbing the waistband himself, pushing it up hurriedly. 

“You can’t even stand up, shithead,” Y/N fights back, slapping his hands away but Tom is quicker to drag his body farther onto the bed. “Will you stop?” 

His breath gets caught, the air stuck on his lungs and fighting to come out as he insists on holding it back — because there is Y/N, taking his wrists and pinning them down on each side of his body and down on the mattress. Tom can tell she’s growing impatient when she bites her lower lip twice before keeping it in between her teeth, the apple of her cheeks highlighting everytime she chews her lip strongly. And damn, she looks different. Good different, great different, he thinks. She’s dead mad at him for being bratty, but there’s something about the way Y/N looks down in there, insisting on taking care of his drunken body that gets his heart beating unpatterned. Maybe it’s the way her brows frown so sweetly, concentrated; or the way she looks up at him disapprovingly, but with an unspoken phrase of comfort — “you’re an idiot, but what wouldn’t I do for you?”. Perhaps, it’s about the way her careful hands are messily dressing him, the elastic waistband tightening his shins, going past his knees, thighs, upper thighs– 

“I’ll do the rest,” He comes back to reality, blinking twice and breaking out from the fairytale. “Here, come on up.” 

“No, it’s almost done,” It’s Y/N’s turn to have wrists gotten by Tom, who’s pulling her body up by them. “You can barely speak properly.” 

“I’m betta, love,” Tom gives her a warm smile, breathing deeply to keep his body in place — he fears his drunken state can’t work in his favour, but he fears his heart the most, that it might give him the strength to reach for her. He can’t. “Trust me, it’s fine.” 

“Why are you so damn stubborn?” 

“You’re stubborn!” 

“Shit, Tom, let me finish–”

“Y/N stop!” Tom’s voice falls an octave, coming out almost clear for the first time in the past 2 hours. “I’ll fucking do this, I don’t want you to see my dick.”

She stands up and her jaw falls, a silent laugh leaving her mouth with a sharp air exhaling through it. Her hands flies to her waist, cupping the flesh covered by her favourite party dress as she watches Tom struggling to wear his briefs without taking the towel off. 

“I can’t see shit.” 

A few seconds of silence take over the room, but it feels like an eternity in their heads. Tom stares deep into Y/N’s eyes and she reciprocates, eyebrows lifted while she tucks her hair behind her ears.

“Ouch?!” He whines, as if she could see through the towel to pull up a joke like that. His mind wasn’t working at all. 

Y/N rolls her eyes and turns her back to him, walking to the end of the bed to grab the blanket and unfold the enormous flurry piece. She rambles, pretending to work more on the big white fabric as she gives him the time to get dressed. Tom stands up on his feet, shoving the underwear up and letting the waistband rest a little bit lower than it should be. The v–lines are prominent on his abs, leading to where his lower stomach starts to show up, where the coil is intensifying against his will.

The scent of her perfume and shampoo fills up the room, warning Tom that he won’t get rid of her even if she went away back home. Her delicate silhouette was standing there, back turned to him after a long night looking after his drunken stunts. They loved to party together, of course, but somehow her soberness hit her sooner while Tom was out there, trying drink after drink. 

She wanted to ask what was going on, what happened that made him look at her the entire party. Innumerable times Tom had been caught glancing at her, even far away on the kitchen while she was out there on the beer pong with their friends. And if she was out of sight, she was present in his mind, making him seek for her even though he feared what he would probably bump into. Yet, it felt more and more like a line had twirled a knot around his heart and the end of it was in hers — tied up like a pretty bow tie, because she would do a knot better than his. She always did everything better, Tom thinks.

Fancier, stronger, prettier, faster... Perfectly. She’s unique, nobody compares to her. 

When Y/N turns around, Tom has his fist shoved against his other palm, crackling his slender fingers as his biceps flex to the action. She offers him a tired smile, but genuine, from the heart. Tom knows what it means, denying her from the view of his defined body as he climbs onto bed like a baby. She doesn’t let the sight of his ass pass by, though — and if it was a good time, she’d tease him about how juicy his cheeks look in those Calvins, which would make him twitch harder inside his boxers but laugh in response, buying the play so she would never know how bad he wishes it could be true. 

When he’s finally resting, back pressed against the sheets and arm under his head, Y/N covers him with the heavy blanket. His stubborn ass left the sweats she threw at him long forgotten in the middle of the bed, but she wouldn’t fight it. Not today. If he gets a cold, she might chastise him tomorrow, she thinks. 

“Raul was a good kisser,” Y/N whispers, bringing the cover up to Tom’s chest. “This is how I kept him quiet.” 

“Fair enough,” Tom whispers back, grinning tiredly. “Smart of you.” 

Y/N winks at her best friend, smiling along with the boy she learned to deal with everytime he decided to play harder with the drinks. Tom turns to the side, looking up at her as he opens more space on his bed. 

What?

Y/N kinda freezes inside, wondering where the hell was this going to. It was a rule that they would never share a bed, it was set ever since they had to sleep over Harrison’s house one day and things got awkward. Their legs would touch here and there sometimes and it felt like torture. At the same time it was wrong, Tom wanted it to feel right so bad. He felt like it was right, but he didn’t know about Y/N, so it didn’t go further than that. They knew it had brought an uncomfortable atmosphere when they woke up the next day quieter than ever, after a long night of accidental touches. And they weren’t mischievous, or meant to tease, or whatever. The fact that they both had deeper thoughts about a simple graze made it all become heavier and bigger than it should be — and by deeper thoughts, they mean: what if ‘keep going’ is the right thing to do? 

“You have a pretty lower lip, Y/N,” Tom says with a tone very child–like, eyes blinking slowly. 

“Just the lower one?” She laughs, already familiar with the dork–drunken–Tom Holland. 

“No, the other one looks good too,” Dangerous confession. Fuck. “But lower lips are better to suck onto.” 

She tilts her head like a puppy, trying to understand where he was going, what was his point after all. Y/N gulps, lungs working a lot harder to keep the composure. 

“Raul was a lucky bastard,” Mumbling lowly, Tom eyes Y/N through his lashes. “I can imagine why he was always stuck with his mouth on yours.” 

“Can you?” 

“I always had that in mind.” 

“Raul and I kissing?” 

Tom giggles impulsively, nervously, as if he just heard the funniest joke of his entire existence. He only stops when the coil on his lower stomach starts to boil.

“Having my mouth stuck on yours.” 

Y/N finally takes her hands off the blanket, rubbing her palm against Tom’s head like he’s a puppy. She smiles at his smirk, heart beating so angrily she feared it was audible to him. 

“Good night, Tom.” 

“Hey,” Tom calls, deciding to offer her a better thing. “You can have Sam’s bed, he’s not coming home.” 

Y/N nods, curling the corner of her mouth up before pressing her lips together, fingers of both hands tangled in between each other. 

“Thank you.” 

“Thank you!” He says. “I love you.” 

Turning off the lights, Y/N goes to the door and answers him genuinely. 

“I love you too.” 

As she leaves, closing the door behind her, Tom shifts in bed with that fucking dull ache all spread over his lower stomach, waves of excitement throbbing up and down unstoppably. With his right hand running down his muscles to the black boxers, he knew it would be another night with Y/N’s name on his mouth; the image of her intoxicating his imagination and the thought of what her whimpers would sound like if he had invited her to occupy the empty side of his bed; if she would’ve had accepted it to finally put to a proof if their touches were going to feel perfectly wrong, or deadly right.

Taglist: @outlandishnerd – @jillanaholland – @space-holland – @snowflakeparker – @tomhollandseverything

[dnpsuck]

once you get around to listening to lover what did you think !!! im v curious on your opinions about it heh

thank u for wanting my opinion. i thought i was gonna make it a brief review thingy but i cannot be brief for the life of me. i’m sorry. anyway,

i’mthankful it’s a long album because based on me! i knew i’d like it. not thatme! is a masterpiece or anything but it’s brighter and more fun than herprevious era which i Did Not like. i know reputation is, taylor swift history-wise, important. it’san album she did no press for and allowed the songs speak for themselves and i really like this idea and the sentiment behind it, i’m just Not A Fan of the execution. edgy taylor swift doesn’twork for me. don’t blame me slaps tho. i’ll probably compare these songs to alot of reputation, sorry.

anyway. loveris a more colorful album and probably my favorite pop album from ms. swift, i’m not good at like. Grading things so i won’t be like ‘this is a 8.5 kind of album’ cause like. i don’t know numbers? what you need to know is that it’s a good album. let’s gowith the tracks:

may i add that this is not coming from a taylor swift fan, however i have several friends who are into taylor swift so it’s hard not to get the slightest 2nd hand interest. 

i forgot that you existed: was excited as soon as it started! theproduction is lighter and less dramatic. i feel like contrary to reputationwhere she was kind of obsessed with the people who hurt her and betrayed her inthe previous years, this song is a nice way of letting go. a nicer, yet stillkind of shady, revenge by being like. Oh. You Mean Nothing To Me Anymore.

fave lyrics: “it isn’t love, it isn’thate, it’s just indifference so.. yeah.”

 cruel summer: the chorus…. amazing! i remember reallydisliking her reputation singles, especially “ready for it” because it was veryunnecessarily dark and, again – in my opinion – dark and edgy doesn’t work fortaylor swift.  BUT, rfi had that chorusthat escaped the intense beats and kind of went back a little to her 1989 eraand it’s the one thing from the song that i actually tolerated. and i feel likeall of cruel summer is song that fits the melody of the rfi chorus better thanrfi itself. does that make sense?

fave lyrics:the entire bridge but especially: “i don’twanna keep secrets just to keep you” and “i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?”

lover: 11/10. fucked me the fuck up. it’s a song aboutlove that isn’t a still-too-fresh-and-uncertain love, or some angsty love. it’sjust love. she’s properly in love and is singing about it with somuch care and certainty. it’s a happy song about the one she loves and how could i hate it? bestsong in the entire album. probably my 2nd fave taylor swift song ofall time

favelyrics: “with every guitar string scar onmy hand” so much is being said in this one fucking line. i absolutelyfucking love it. the fact that this song was 100% written by her is a big plus.

the man: honestly was kinda stressed about the kind of discoursethis one could cause, especially cause of the lack of addressing the whitenessof it all but idk. this is her ownexperience so how much can we ask from her? and also in many ways this feels like 5years late but i’m not gonna complain about this. better late than never (andshe has addressed sexism in her songs before so it’s not like she’s just starting at feminism). she’s made severalpoints w this one and it sounds good. 

favelyrics: the part where she’s like “what if i was bragging about the models i’mfucking?” cause like. girl is aware of aspecific group in her fandom and i appreciate the little nod (it being real ornot)

archer: love the lyrics. this was like. the 3rdsong from this album that she released and i was So Relieved to actually SEEsongwriter taylor swift coming through. it’s a great song about self hatred andreflection, etc. but i’ve listened to it enough times to know i’m gonna be skippingthis one when i’m listening to this album. 

favelyrics: “screaming ‘who could ever leaveme darling?’ but who could stay?”

 i think he knows: the chorus and her vocals… *chef’s kiss*. loveit. cute crush song. more mature yet fun style that works for her. 

fave lyrics:all of the chorus.

miss americana: i get it, i see the politics of it all but. i’mgonna skip it. soz 

favelyrics: “my team is losing, battered andbruising i see the high fives between the bad guys”

 paper rings: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS. again, pure,happy, bubbly, unashamed love. a love bop that i adore. 

fave lyrics:“i like shiny things but i’d marry youwith paper rings / i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this”

corneliastreet: it’s a nostalgic song that i can’t decide if it’s exactly abreak-up song or not. i like to think the “sacrednew beginning / that became my religion” lyrics are a nod to her bestreputation song aka don’t blame me. i’m so-so on this one but it’s definitely notbad, don’t think i’ll be skipping it for now. 

favelyrics: “that’s the kinda heartbreak timecould never mend / (…) and baby i get mystified by how this city scream yourname”

 death by a thousand cuts: eh? it’s nice and soft and sad-ish but. idk.not right now - since the album is still pretty fresh to me - but i’ll probablystart skipping this one eventually. 

favelyrics: “you said it was a great love,one for the ages / but if the story’s over why am I still writing pages?”

 bondon boy: i am so sorry for every londoner that had tolisten to this one. i could hear it being offensive as soon as she startedsaying those words. it sounds nice and fun but jesus christ taylor. it’s likesomeone from her label said “you gottamake it clear you’re fucking that joe dude or your album won’t sell” andtaylor immediately googled ‘british slang’ and wrote this song. 

fave lyrics:“but something happened i heard himlaughing / i saw the dimples first and then i heard the accent” i’m asimple phannie. i hear the word dimples i think of dan

soon you’ll get better: bro. was not ready. you can hear thepain and fear in her voice. the chorus kind of reminds me of “never grow up”(aka my fave taylor swift song), etc. the sad, almost hopeless addition of “cause you have to” is so heartbreaking. it’sa personal and gorgeous yet sad song, and she goes back to her country roots for this one,so that’s nice. absolutely beautiful. 

fave lyrics:hard to choose but “you like the nicernurses you make the best of a bad deal / i just pretend it isn’t real / i’llpaint the kitchen neon, i’ll brighten up the sky / i know i’ll never get itthere’s not a day that i won’t try” i hate, hate, the notion ofromanticizing a sad and scary situation like this one, and i think i understandthis as less of romanticizing and more of sympathizing with, cause i’ve alsobee in this situation with my family – but because it was just a few days agothat phil revealed his father’s battle with cancer, i couldn’t help but thinkof him too and how much he must have feared for his dad while still trying to keep it together for everyone around him.

false god: love the sax. i know i will fully love thissong at some point. i know it. i’m just not there yet. i like the parts when she has torush her words. i’ll get there with this one. 

favelyrics: “they all warned us about timeslike this / they say the road gets hard and you get lost”

 you need to calm down: fun, boppy, cute. i get what shewas going for and appreciate it. it’s a more carefree pop song and i’m okaywith it. not unskippable though. 

fave lyrics:“and i ain’t tryna mess with your self expressionbut i’ve learned a lesson that stressing and obsessing bout somebody else is nofun”

 afterglow: i don’t know yet. probably one i’ll skip. notbad, i don’t think there’s a song in this album that is necessarily Bad, butthis one is just not really memorable. 

fave lyrics:don’t have one actually. soz

me!: definitely not a masterpiece BUT introduced usto this era which is probably her best pop era. i loved the absolute changefrom the reputation era, bringing back colors, bringing back fun, introducing amore politically active taylor swift, etc. i also like the idea that she knowsthat this is not her best work but she knew that if she was gonna make a catchyradio friendly pop song, she’d make one that’s about self love, etc. 

fave lyrics: i’m a simple girl, “me e e e, o o o oh”

 it’s nice to have a friend: this folk-y vibe? works? is thisfolk? sorry if im being dumb. but it has a lonely vibe, it’s kind of really sadin a way, but it’s lovely at the same time. 

fave lyrics:“something gave you the nerve / to touchmy hand”

 daylight: a song about letting go and forgiving herselffor her past mistakes and learning to focus on the good parts of her life, morespecifically her lover. like new year’s eve was to reputation, this is a nicesong to wrap this album. 

fave lyrics:“you are what you love”

[mail-me-a-snail]

Two Birthdays: Part Three

here we are... the last part.....i hope u guys have enjoyed this short story. in the first bit of this story..we get angsty. real angsty. i promise it gets better 

find part one here

find part two here

“Wilford, why are you covered in flour?”

“...Cocaine?” Dark repeated, not believing a word of it. 

“Okay, okay. I’m not the Wilford you know. I’m really a contestant on the Great British Bake Off-”

“No.”

“I secretly run an underground drug ring of baby power-”

“No.” Dark rolled his eyes, the excuses getting stupider every second. “Why are you covered in flour?” He repeated the question in the most menacing way he could, at least, what he could manage against Wilford. 

Wilford took a deep breath, then sighs. “I...can’t tell you.” He wrings his flour-covered hands, getting them even more stained. “It’s a surprise.” 

Dark narrows his eyes. “Dr. Iplier, if you could please check if whatever, or whoever, is in the kitchen is okay? I need to talk with Wilford.”

He didn’t need to tell the doctor twice. Iplier slipped past them, opened the door, and went inside. The click of the door closing was the last sound in the hallway for a few moments, until Dark spoke, his aura pulsating. 

“What is really going on, Wil?”

“Well...Something special is coming up soon and I thought..” Wilford trailed off, noticing Dark’s shell start to crack a little. “Dark, are you feeling alright...?”

That’s what he had forgotten - that’s what Damien...what Celine was shouting at him. The day that would be considered his “birthday” was the day Damien, Celine, and the Entity fused into...him. There was a reason Dark didn’t celebrate and tried to forget. It followed him in every mirror, and would until their work was done. 

“Wilford,” he started slowly, his shell cracking and jolting. “whatever you are planning, whatever good you think you’re doing, I want you to stop it. The Entity isn’t going to like this.”

“But-” Wilford started.

“No.” It came out as a hiss of pain, Dark’s shell falling apart, his face fading in and out from him to-

“Damien?” 

Dark looked up. Wilford was shaking, leaning fully against the door to support his weight. 

“The last time I saw you, you could have cared less about anything. Why do you care so much now?” Damien’s voice echoed out, sounding as angry as the last time Wilford...William had seen him. The Entity was surprised William still remembered his best friend’s name after so long. 

Wilford had tears in his eyes, muttering a string of “no, no, no-”. He had to be hallucinating. He couldn’t even respond. Before Wilford could attempt to say anything, something, Dark’s shell faded back into it’s real appearance. 

Dark breathes out shakily. “Wilford...I don’t, I’m sorry-”

The pink man stood up as straight as he could, leaning on the door knob with shaky hands, and for once, wasn’t the bright, sadistic neon highlighter he usually was. 

“T-That was Damien.”  Wilford stuttered. He wiped a hand through his hair, spreading flour on his forehead. “My best friend- how is he-”

“It was an illusion. The Entity creates them to...ward off unwanted attention. I’m sorry you had to see that.” Dark lied through his teeth. Wilford can’t know. Not yet. Thankfully, Wilford seemed convinced enough not to question it. 

“Get yourself cleaned up. Remember what I told you.” With that, Dark leaves Wilford alone, going back up to his office. He needs room to think.

The mustached man stood in the hallway alone. 

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“Relax, you’re not going to die-”

“My Jim hurts, Dr. Jim. Man-eating Jim really knows how to use a Jim.” Reporter Jim groaned, rubbing his head. 

“Yes, he does know how to use a frying pan.” Dr. Iplier agreed. 

“They tried to lock me in the meat freezer!” Bim squeaked from a chair. 

Dr. Iplier turned around and pointed a reflex hammer at him. “If I recall from the Jims’ side of the story, you tried to kick them into the oven first.”

Before Bim could reply, the door slipped open, a miserable looking Wilford appearing. The 3 egos immediately knew something was up. Bim got up from his chair, helping Wilford into it. 

“What happened out there?” was the first question Trimmer asked Wilford. 

“Did he give you a stern talking-to?” Dr. Iplier followed up. 

“Is the Jim cancelled?” Camera Jim said. 

Wilford remained silent for a little bit, then looked up with a determined expression. His eyes were still a little red from crying, but otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to tell this was the same Wilford that had walked into the room.

“No, Jim. The party isn’t over yet.” Wilford assured. “Dark’s “Entity” is giving him trouble. A party will surely cheer him up!”

“Entity? You mean-” Bim started, then squeaked in surprise as Dr. Iplier elbowed him in the ribs. The doctor put a finger to his mouth in a shushing motion. 

The mustached man seemed to not notice, and stood up from his chair, grabbing a garish pink apron. 

“This cake isn’t going to bake itself! I wasn’t actually lying about the British Bake Off bit, yes, I know you were listening through the door Camera Jim. Gentleman. Let’s get cooking.���

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It had been an hour since he left Wilford alone. Dark stayed pacing in his office, shell cracking every now and then while the two voices inside his head argued. 

“I can’t believe you did that, Damien.”

“I was only being honest.” 

“Your anger is going to give us away.” 

“The Seer is right.” Dark muttered under his breath. 

“You are no help either. You keep lying to him, saying his friends have just gone off to do something important. Lies aren’t going to work forever.”

“He doesn’t need to reopen old wounds. And the first part isn’t necessarily a lie.” Dark retorted, seemingly speaking to the air.  

“I’m so sick of you two being distracted by things like parties and TV shows-” 

A small fwip was heard. Dark looks for the source and finds a bright yellow card on the floor, having been slipped under the door. He goes and picks it up, opening it. A cheap sounding version of “Happy Birthday” plays out of it, and Dark had to resist slipping it back under the door. The card said, in Google’s neat handwriting:

Dark,

Meet us at the Host’s floor. His dining hall will be adequate enough for this venture. 

Added to that was the Host’s own curly script. 

Friend, 

The Host hopes you are feeling well enough to participate. He has noticed your shell is cracking more often. Please know that Wilford has spent most of the day trying to cheer you up. The Host suggests you play along, for now.

Dark sighs and puts the card down on his desk. The music from it stops playing. 

“You two keep it together.” He mutters to the voices in his head. They don’t reply. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dark makes his way down to the Host’s floor, passing by the bedroom and the kitchen. He stops in front of the door to the dining hall, then takes a deep breath. Whatever is going to happen in here will be over soon. He puts a hand on the handle, and turns. 

The sound of kazoos immediately greeted him and a flash of shiny colored specks - confetti - rained down onto him. Dark reached a hand up and brushed it from his hair, then stops at the sight in front of him.

Google, Host, the Jims, and Bim Trimmer were surrounding a table with an actually nice looking cake in the middle. The cake was two layered with black fondant, white flowers spiraling across the sides. Candles were stuck onto the top. Above the table held a banner that said “Congratulations! It’s a boy Birthday!” with boy crossed out. 

At the head of the table was Wilford, who was smiling at Dark, despite what happened earlier. 

“Happy birthday, my dearest, darkest, darling-est, friend.” he said. 

Dark went around the table to the head, where Wilford stepped back to let him look at the cake. Dark had no idea Wilford was capable of this. 

“Wilford, it’s...” He tried. No words seemed to come.

“I know, Dark. But you seemed so down lately. I just wanted to cheer you up.” Wilford tells him softly. He gestures to the cake. “Make a wish.”

Dark steps up, looking at the candles. He takes a moment, two, then leans down, blowing out the candles. Small applause erupted from his side, and a camera click, as well. Camera Jim had the moment on film. 

Wilford leans into his side, head on Dark’s shoulder. “So..What did you wish for, Darkest dearest?”

Dark smiles, a small one. “It wouldn’t come true if I told you, Wil.”

The pink man stuck his tongue out at him. “No fun!” Wilford returns Dark’s smile with a grin. 

“Jim thinks we should cut into the Jim, already!” Reporter Jim butted in. Wilford rolled his eyes, turning away from Dark to go over to the Jims.

“Dark gets first slice!” Wilford announced to the Jims, leaving Dark and the Host at the head of the table. 

“The Host is glad you chose to participate.” Host narrated with a smile. He patted Dark’s shoulder, which took a bit of feeling around.  

“I couldn’t break his heart.” Dark sighed softly. “This...is all so nice.”

“Wilford planned it all for you.”

“I know.”

Host pats his shoulder once more, then leaves Dark’s side. They were all gathered around the other side of the room where a table of multiple presents were stacked. Dark looked a little stunned at the pile. 

“He did this all for us?”

“I have never seen William bake a cake in my life.” 

“William is still as sweet as ever.”

For once, Dark agrees with the Seer and the Mayor. 

He leaves the cake to join the others at the gift pile.

The Entity is quiet. 

Wilford and the others are happy.

Dark is happy. 

the end 

here we are! the end! thank you for joining me on this short imagining of mine. i haven’t written much so im glad mark inspired me enough to get writing again. 

[buzzkillmag]

2019 WRAPPED: a few contributors’ (and my) records of the year

in order of release, here are some of our contributors’ albums of the year, alongside my extremely extensive list of my favorite LPs released in the past 365 days.

1. january 18, heard it in a past life by maggie rogers

this album, without a doubt, shaped this entire year for me, but whenever i’m asked to explain how, or why, i get choked up. at the time of its release, i was in such a strange place mentally that i couldn’t listen to “light on” - one of the most popular songs on the album - without sobbing uncontrollably, even if that meant excusing myself to cry in the restroom when it came on at work. i am so grateful to have had hiiapl to grow with this year. maggie rogers is one of the most influential artists in the world right now, and i know this album is a lot of people’s record of the year.  recommendations: light on, burning, on + off, the knife

2. january 25, amo by bring me the horizon

the return of british metalcore band bring me the horizon was such a heavily anticipated one, given the fact that their last LP release was in 2015, but i don’t think anyone could have expected the record they were going to release, or how different it would be from anything they’d ever made. bring me the horizon made a really impressive leap into something of an unknown; there has been, both unfortunately and understandably, some backlash regarding exactly what genres the band had decided to experiment with and whether they’d lost their roots in deathcore. but they’ve promised that despite this jump, they’ll still be as rowdy as ever in their live shows. amo is one of my favorite records of the year because of its genre-bending, and because of its desperation and emotion. it’s turned bring me the horizon from a band i never really cared for into one i now seek out when i’m thinking of what to listen to on drives. recommendations: mantra, in the dark, sugar honey ice + tea, mother tongue

3. february 1, midnight by set it off

my favorite record of 2019 is midnight by set it off. not only did the band completely reinvent their aesthetic, they also showcase a more mature and cohesive sound. cody (the lead singer) is a classically trained clarinetist and I think his knowledge of music really shows on this record. each song has little surprises here and there, and shows the work of musicians who understand rhythm and texture. there’s a little something for everyone, from the angsty undertones of “killer in the mirror” and “dancing with the devil,” to the raw, beautiful emotion of the ballad “unopened windows.” hands down best record of 2019!  -gabriela (twitter || instagram)

4. march 1, wasteland, baby! by hozier

I wish I could do my dissertation on the various ways Wasteland, Baby! is a masterpiece but unfortunately I'm in a museum studies program and I don't think my professors would accept that proposal. Hozier was somehow able to fit every emotion a human being is capable of feeling in a mere 57 minutes (and 21 seconds of course) and, by the end, has made the listener feel warm and hopeful despite a large theme being, y'know, the literal ending of everything. Don't even get me started on his referencing and imagery we could be here FOREVER talking about Shrike alone! Even Spotify was like "Hey this is literally all you listened to this year, you good?". Hozier and Wasteland, Baby! have been through one of the toughest years of my life with me - including the transition into a new country - and they will forever have a place in my heart.  -alissa (instagram)

5. march 22, mystic truth by bad suns

up until this year - and this release - bad suns were always a background artist in my life. i’ve been listening to them since they first released “cardiac arrest” and it was a single of the week on itunes, but only casually. this was, however, the year i saw them live, on their mystic truth tour in late spring.  recommendations: away we go, the world and i, love by mistake

6. march 29, you are ok by the maine

the maine are the most dramatic band in the world, and i love them to death for it. after staging a funeral for their 2017 release, lovely little lonely, in october 2018 to signify their departure from social media, they spent nearly six months in silence to write and record before releasing their seventh record, you are ok, this past march. this record makes me more - for lack of a better word - emo than any of their previous work, in spite and as a consequence of its blatant deviation from the loneliness of anything they’ve released pretty much since black & white. you are ok is, from its very first breath, evolved. recommendations: slip the noose, my best habit, tears won’t cry (shinju), heaven we’re already here

7. march 29, when we all fall asleep, where do we go? by billie eilish

the debut full-length from music prodigy billie eilish was long-awaited by dedicated fans and the general public alike, and when it finally dropped in march of this year, not a single person on this planet was disappointed (probably a hyperbole and consequently bad journalism, but who cares, i never claimed to tell the whole entire truth). when we all fall asleep is a genre-defying masterpiece; the tracks don’t feel as if they should be played on the radio, but because of eilish’s more mainstream previous releases, she’d essentially earned a permanent slot in most popular stations’ rotations. i also had the privilege of watching her play to one of the biggest crowds that reading festival’s main stage had ever seen, and she blew myself (and everyone else there) away.  recommendations: xanny, all the good girls go to hell, when the party’s over, my strange addiction, bury a friend

9. april 26, the balance by catfish and the bottlemen

despite criticisms that they’ve been making the same album for five years, i genuinely believe that with every new release, catfish and the bottlemen produce more emotionally coherent and intelligent music. i finally got to see them this year, on their tour supporting the balance, too, after years of casual listening. the balance turned me into a ravenous catfish fan; i spent two months after the show devouring all of the content surrounding them i could find, listening to all three of their albums on repeat, and crying endlessly over how beautiful van mccann is. this album absolutely defined the back half of my 2019, and i’m always shocked to learn that there are people who don’t love it as fiercely as i do. i have such an overflowing fountain of feelings about this album that i’m still not entirely sure how to write about, but all i have to say is that, if you haven’t yet, please please please give this album a spin.  recommendations: fluctuate, conversation, intermission, overlap

10. may 24, future dust by the amazons

the amazons are the best band i discovered this year, hands down. according to my spotify year in review, i listened to over 9 hours of their music since seeing them at reading in august (not including all the times i spun this record on vinyl in that time as well).  future dust is a masterpiece; there is not one bad track; every time i listen to it, it gets better. they’ve got rock and roll on lock. no one else has come close since maybe the arctic monkeys, but the amazons have brought it back. i’m having a hard time stringing together words about the way this record makes me feel, but i hope that you’ll see this, listen to it top to bottom six or seven times, and make your own feelings about it.  recommendations: mother, fuzzy tree, black magic, 25, doubt

11. june 14, doom days by bastille

i will probably forever hate myself for falling out of love with bastille after i graduated high school. i’m not entirely sure what happened (actually, i am - i was shoved too far up the maine’s ass to care about anything else) but i know that i loved them more than anything when i was a teenager, and the doom days album cycle - specifically their reading set - reignited that love, so i’ll be forever grateful to it for that. this album is conceptual and amazing, set over the course of one night when the writer - presumably frontman dan smith, whose brain this came out of - attends a party with his friends in an attempt at escapism. the world is fucked - dan’s words, but also mine - and sometimes we really do just need to pull the wool over our own eyes for once and let loose, even if just for a night. it starts at a “quarter past midnight,” when the night has only just begun, endless possibilities stretched out ahead of him, and finishes with “joy,” about waking up on the kitchen floor, your phone going off in your hand, the only person who really matters in your life on the other end of the line. bastille have always released music that makes it clear that they give a fuck what happens to earth and her people, and with doom days, they’ve perfected that sound.  recommendations: quarter past midnight, divide, million pieces, joy

12. august 23, GINGER by brockhampton

after a brief hiatus, my favourite all-american boyband returned with their fifth studio album, GINGER. with a noticeably matured and somewhat mellowed shift within the hip-hop collective, this record explores themes of grief and disconnection to the backdrop of upbeat melodies such as on "boy bye" and sweet love songs such as on "sugar". though perhaps my favourite sentiment on this record lies within the fact that it opens with the echoed words, "I don't know where I'm going," and closes poignantly with the heartfelt statement, "Thank God that I'm built for the distance." -katy (twitter | instagram)

13. september 13, hypersonic missiles by sam fender

hypersonic missiles, the debut full-length from geordie singer-songwriter-maestro sam fender, was my most anticipated release this year. fender has faced a mess of obstacles this year, mostly health-related, after winning the BRIT awards’ critics’ choice award at the start of it, and as a result has had to cancel a majority of the shows he’d had schedules and push back the release of hypersonic missiles a whole month. it was well worth the wait, though, and i ended up writing an essay-length review of it for highlight magazine when i finally did get to hear it. filled to the brim with emotional ballads and belters alike, hypersonic missiles is a culmination of over five years of songwriting and even longer of sam being fed up - with his government, with his peers, with the misrepresentation of mental health by the media. we’ve only had this record for three months, but i can already tell it’s timeless. i’m only hoping sam’s voice recovers enough that he can continue to tour to promote it before returning to studio (reportedly the electric lady in new york city!) to record his second release.  recommendations: hypersonic missiles, white privilege, you’re not the only one, will we talk?, two people

14. september 13, pride & disaster by sleep on it

my favorite record of the year is undoubtedly ‘Pride & Disaster’ by Sleep On It. Pride & Disaster arrived the perfect time for me, as I just transferred out of college. I felt lost and unsure of my future. However, listening to Pride & Disaster gave me a sense of hope and support that I’ll be okay on my new journey. -julie (twitter)

15. october 4, interrobang by bayside

Just like the title, there's no single form of punctuation that can explain the brilliance of this album. 'Interrobang' takes the classic Bayside sound to a new level with heavier riffs, faster time signatures, and iconic lyrics. From "Heaven," a stand out anthem for aging punks in the scene to "Bury Me," a melodic metal inspired breakout track, this album is laced together perfectly with both the past and future of Bayside. By tip toeing the line between metal, alt rock, and pop punk, the band has shown that even after almost twenty years as a band, they can still innovate and transform with new music. -katie (twitter | instagram) 

16. december 13, fine line by harry styles

i wanted to include this in this roundup, considering i haven’t stopped listening to it since it came out (and i saw him live!), but i did also write an entire review of the album. you can read it here!

honorable mentions (aka albums i didn’t feel like writing an essay about - or just didn’t listen to all that much - but still think you should give a chance)

1. swmrs, berkeley’s on fire (february 15, 2019) 2. circa waves, what’s it like over there? (april 4, 2019 -  i wrote a whole review about this record for highlight and not many of my feelings about it have changed since then.) 3. cage the elephant, social cues (april 19, 2019) 4. ten tonnes, ten tonnes (may 3, 2019) 5. palace, life after (july 12, 2019) 6. clairo, immunity (august 2, 2019) 7. the myserines, take control ep (august 8, 2019) 8. muna, saves the day (september 6, 2019) 9. from indian lakes, dimly lit (october 18, 2019)

[katybudgetbooks]

YA Books We’re Anticipating in April 2017

Alex, Approximately by Jenn Bennett (4/4):  Seventeen-year-old Bailey moves to California to live with her father and, perhaps, finally meet an online friend and fellow film buff, but soon finds herself attracted to an annoying co-worker.

The End of Our Story by Meg Haston (4/4): Every love story has a breaking point... From the author of Paperweight comes the star-crossed romance of two high school friends in a tale rife with deeply buried secrets and shocking revelations. BEFORE: Bridge and Wil have been entangled in each other's lives for years. Under the white-hot Florida sun, they went from kids daring each other to swim past the breakers to teenagers stealing kisses between classes. But when Bridge betrayed Wil during their junior year, she shattered his heart and their relationship along with it. AFTER: When Wil's family suffers a violent loss, and Bridge rushes back to Wil's side. As they struggle to heal old wounds and start falling for each other all over again, Bridge and Wil discover just how much has changed in the past year. Though they once knew each other's every secret, they aren't the same people they used to be. Bridge can't imagine life without Wil, but sometimes love isn't enough. Can they find their way back to each other, or will this be the end of their story?

Shadowcaster by Cinda Williams Chima (4/4): From New York Times bestselling author Cinda Williams Chima, this is a thrilling story of the unfathomable costs of war, the allure of dark magic, and two principled and conflicted characters drawn together despite everything they stand to lose.Alyssa ana'Raisa, the reluctant princess heir to the Gray Wolf throne of the Fells, feels more comfortable striking with a sword than maneuvering at court. After a brush with death, Lyss goes on the offensive, meaning to end the war that has raged her whole life. If her gamble doesn't pay off, she could lose her queendom before she even ascends to the throne. Across enemy lines in Arden, young rising star Captain Halston Matelon is being sent on ever more dangerous assignments. Between the terrifying rumors of witches and wolfish warriors to the north and his cruel king at home, Hal is caught in an impossible game of life and death.Lyss and Hal's intricately linked fates become inseparable when they fall under the shadow of a new enemy--a force that threatens to extinguish the last rays of hope in the Shattered Realms.

Alex & Eliza by Melissa de la Cruz (4/11): 1777. Albany, New York. As battle cries of the American Revolution echo in the distance, servants flutter about preparing for one of New York society's biggest events: the Schuylers' grand ball. Descended from two of the oldest and most distinguished bloodlines in New York, the Schuylers are proud to be one of their fledgling country's founding families, and even prouder still of their three daughters--Angelica, with her razor-sharp wit; Peggy, with her dazzling looks; and Eliza, whose beauty and charm rival those of both her sisters, though she'd rather be aiding the colonists' cause than dressing up for some silly ball. Still, Eliza can barely contain her excitement when she hears of the arrival of one Alexander Hamilton, a mysterious, rakish young colonel and General George Washington's right-hand man. Though Alex has arrived as the bearer of bad news for the Schuylers, he can't believe his luck--as an orphan, and a bastard one at that--to be in such esteemed company. And when Alex and Eliza meet that fateful night, so begins an epic love story that would forever change the course of American history. In the pages of Alex and Eliza, #1 New York Times bestselling author Melissa de la Cruz brings to life the romance of young Alexander Hamilton and Elizabeth Schuyler.

The Freemason’s Daughter by Shelley Sackier (4/11): Saying good-bye to Scotland is the hardest thing that Jenna MacDuff has had to do--until she met Lord Pembroke. Jenna's small clan has risked their lives traveling the countryside as masons, secretly drumming up support and arms at every stop for the exiled King James Stuart so that he may retake the British throne. But their next job brings them into enemy territory: England.Jenna's father repeatedly warns her to trust no one, but when the Duke of Keswick hires the clan to build a garrison on his estate, it seems she cannot hide her capable mind from the duke's inquisitive son, Lord Alex Pembroke--nor mask her growing attraction to him.But there's a covert plan behind the building of the garrison--a secret that cannot be revealed. Will Jenna hide her family's mutinous plot and assist her clan's cause, or protect the life of the young noble she's falling for?In Shelley Sackier's lush, vivid historical debut, someone will pay a deadly price no matter what Jenna chooses.

Given to the Sea by Mindy McGinnis (4/11):  Kings and Queens rise and fall, loyalties collide, and romance blooms in a world where the sea is rising--and cannot be escaped. Khosa is Given to the Sea, a girl born to be fed to the water, her flesh preventing a wave like the one that destroyed the Kingdom of Stille in days of old. But before she's allowed to dance, an uncontrollable twitching of the limbs that will carry her to the shore in a frenzy--she must produce an heir. Yet the thought of human touch sends shudders down her spine that not even the sound of the tide can match. Vincent is third in line to inherit his throne, royalty in a kingdom where the old linger and the young inherit only boredom. When Khosa arrives without an heir he knows his father will ensure she fulfills her duty, at whatever cost. Torn between protecting the throne he will someday fill, and the girl whose fate is tied to its very existence, Vincent's loyalty is at odds with his heart. Dara and Donil are the last of the Indiri, a native race whose dwindling magic grows weaker as the island country fades. Animals cease to bear young, creatures of the sea take to the land, and the Pietra--fierce fighters who destroyed the Indiri a generation before--are now marching from their stony shores for the twin's adopted homeland, Stille. Witt leads the Pietra, their army the only family he has ever known. The stone shores harbor a secret, a growing threat that will envelop the entire land--and he will conquer every speck of soil to ensure the survival of his people. The tides are turning in Stille, where royals scheme, Pietrans march, and the rising sea calls for its Given.

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli (4/11): From the award-winning author of Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda comes a funny, authentic novel about sisterhood, love, and identity.Seventeen-year-old Molly Peskin-Suso knows all about unrequited love. No matter how many times her twin sister, Cassie, tells her to woman up, Molly can't stomach the idea of rejection. So she's careful. Fat girls always have to be careful.Then a cute new girl enters Cassie's orbit, and for the first time ever, Molly's cynical twin is a lovesick mess. Meanwhile, Molly's totally not dying of loneliness--except for the part where she is. Luckily, Cassie's new girlfriend comes with a cute hipster-boy sidekick. If Molly can win him over, she'll get her first kiss and she'll get her twin back. There's only one problem: Molly's coworker, Reid. He's a chubby Tolkien superfan with a season pass to the Ren Faire, and there's absolutely no way Molly could fall for him. Right?

Bang by Barry Lyga (4/18):  A chunk of old memory, adrift in a pool of blood. Sebastian Cody did something horrible, something no one--not even Sebastian himself--can forgive. At the age of four, he accidentally shot and killed his infant sister with his father's gun. Now, ten years later, Sebastian has lived with the guilt and horror for his entire life. With his best friend away for the summer, Sebastian has only a new friend--Aneesa--to distract him from his darkest thoughts. But even this relationship cannot blunt the pain of his past. Because Sebastian knows exactly how to rectify his childhood crime and sanctify his past. It took a gun to get him into this. Now he needs a gun to get out. Unflinching and honest, Bang is the story of one boy and one moment in time that cannot be reclaimed, as true and as relevant as tomorrow's headlines. Readers of This is Where It Ends, The Hate List, and Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock will appreciate this extraordinary novel.

Grendel’s Guide to Love and War by AE Kaplan (4/18):  Tom Grendel lives a quiet life--writing in his notebooks, mowing lawns for his elderly neighbors, and pining for Willow, a girl next door who rejects the -manic-pixie-dream- label. But when Willow's brother, Rex (the bro-iest bro ever to don a jockstrap), starts throwing wild parties, the idyllic senior citizens' community where they live is transformed into a war zone. Tom is rightfully pissed--his dad is an Iraq vet, and the noise from the parties triggers his PTSD--so he comes up with a plan to end the parties for good. But of course, it's not that simple. One retaliation leads to another, and things quickly escalate out of control, driving Tom and Willow apart, even as the parties continue unabated. Add to that an angsty existential crisis born of selectively reading his sister's Philosophy 101 coursework, a botched break-in at an artisanal pig farm, and ten years of unresolved baggage stemming from his mother's death . . . and the question isn't so much whether Tom Grendel will win the day and get the girl, but whether he'll survive intact.

Legion by Julie Kagawa (4/25): From the limitless imagination of Julie Kagawa comes the next thrilling novel in The Talon Saga.The legions will be unleashed, and no human, rogue dragon or former dragonslayer can stand against the coming horde. Dragon hatchling Ember Hill was never prepared to find love at all--dragons do not suffer human emotions--let alone with a human, and a former dragonslayer at that. With ex-soldier of St. George Garret dying at her feet after sacrificing his freedom and his life to expose the deepest of betrayals, Ember knows only that nothing she was taught by dragon organization Talon is true. About humans, about rogue dragons, about herself and what she's capable of doing and feeling.In the face of great loss, Ember vows to stand with rogue dragon Riley against St. George and her own twin brother, Dante--the heir apparent to all of Talon, and the boy who will soon unleash the greatest threat and terror dragonkind has ever known. Talon is poised to conquer the world, and the abominations they have created will soon take to the skies, darkening the world with the promise of blood and death to those who will not yield.