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jonathananubian · 4 years

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Te Dralyc Kar 8 [Star Wars Fanfic]

Synopsis:

Jango isn’t quite sure how he came to adopt a blonde slave boy after a job on Tatooine went sideways, but he honestly couldn’t complain. The boy is a little genius, brimming with compassion and a willingness to learn. The only hiccup, as far as Jango is concerned, is the fact that his boy is a naturally powerful force user. Someone the jetii would want to get their hands on.

Of course- he’d just like to see them try.

[This story isn’t linear. More like a series of snapshots. At least until later chapters.]

Keldabe. He hadn’t been back to the capitol city for years. The familiar sights and sounds made him ache deep in his core as he watched Mando’ade going about their daily business among the crowded streets. At his side, hand held firmly in his own, Anakin stared at everything in excited awe, pointing at things and asking him questions in a mix of Basic, Huttese, Ryl, and Mando’a that was almost too fast to translate.

Stopping by one of the many food vendors he grabbed two skewers of cooked meat and a small bag of spiced candies. Anakin took the skewer and thanked the vendor in Mando’a before biting into it. Thankfully the boy’s home planet hadn’t been been particularly fussy about food and his son could practically eat anything. Including insects, which was a bit disturbing but at least it was a good survival skill.

When they were finished they stopped by a fountain and he wet a handkerchief to clean the boy’s hands. “This is a cinnamon sweet. It’s a little spicy. Would you like to try it?” The boy nodded eagerly and opened his hand for one. Jango chuckled and gave him one of the fiery hard candies to suck on. Popping one in his own mouth he slipped the sweets into a pouch on his belt before taking Anakin’s hand once more. They had a ways to walk yet before they came to his favourite inn. He had stayed at the Tranyc Vhetin many times, both with his buir and alone after the man had died on Korda VI.

Coming into the cozy building he felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. Anakin looked up at him, blue eyes sharp, and hugged his waist. Of course his little Ka’runi would sense how off kilter he was. Even Partra had admitted the boy was the brightest soul he’d ever felt, and the jetii from the diner had to have felt something seeing as he had tried to ask whether or not his son had been ‘tested.’ Jango didn’t want to know how the jetii tested kids. It’d probably just piss him off to know.

“Solus yamika par gar bal gar ad?” ‘One room for you and your child?’ The staff member at the desk asked, looking between he and his son with a small smile.

“Elek, vor’e.” ‘Yes, thank you.’ Anakin practically bounced up the stairs once they were given a key, making Jango chuckle in amusement.

On the second floor his son was examining the doors, his face scrunched slightly as he tried to remember how to differentiate between the different numbers in Mandalorian Script. Finding their room he opened the door and let the two of them inside. Closing and locking the door behind him he slipped his bucket back off and set it down on the small table near the door. Anakin ran over to the window and drew the curtains, letting in the light. Opening the window he looked out over the street at the colorful banners flapping in the breeze.

“Kandosii!” ‘Wicked!’ Jango let out a low chuckle and went about checking the room for anything potentially dangerous. Not that he believed the innkeepers would have bugged the room or anything like that, but it always paid to be prepared.

Sitting at the small table he watched Anakin dropping his kit bag on the smaller of the two beds and rummage through it. Pulling out his small amenities bag he went to put them in the fresher, exclaiming in surprise when he saw the actual washing tub in the antique style room. “Buir? What’s this for?” He asked, poking his head out.

“It’s a washing tub. You fill it with water and bathe in it. We used to have one on the farm where I grew up. Buir would wash our clothes in it during the cold season.” The emotions associated with the memories of his younger days had dulled over time but he could still feel that burning sadness and anger in his core. So many of those he cared about had been taken away from him…

“Buir?” He looked down at his son, who stood there with an understanding look in his liquid blue eyes. “I’m sorry you’re sad. I know I can’t make it go away. But I can give you a hug?” Smiling he opened his arms for his boy and let out a shaky breath.

“Sadness is a part of life, An’ika. It will fade with time but it never really goes away.” The boy made a thoughtful noise.

“Why do we have to feel sad?” Jango frowned. His kid was too young to keep asking all these philosophical questions, his genius be damned. But it was the nature of children to be curious.

“If we never felt sad then the times we’re happy wouldn’t feel as special. Everyone has happy and sad times, An’ika. It helps shape who we are.” He pulled back and looked down at his son. “But we’ll talk more about that another day. Just because we’re not on the ship doesn’t mean you can skip training or meditation. Get changed.” The blonde gave him a small pout.

“Aw, okay.”

[Anakin]

Walking with his father through the busy streets he couldn’t help but be reminded a little of Tatooine. The district they were in now was called Mayen Goyust, or Anything Road. It was where his dad said they could find all sorts of cool things. From weapons to new clothes, jewelry, and even toys! Everywhere they went his dad seemed to attract attention. They kept looking at his face, then his armor, then his face again. A lot of the time there would be a sense of recognition before the other feelings would come.

Fear, anger, dread, relief, joy, hope. So many and they just kept coming. He heard the whispers behind them as they passed and soon he could feel their focus shift from his dad to him. It was really uncomfortable. “Buir…” He mumbled, tightening his hold on his dad’s hand and stepping closer to him shyly. Like all the other times his dad felt protective and unnerved he quickly scooped Anakin up into his arms and began walking faster toward whatever the location of his mission was.

They came up to a building that felt really, really, old and Anakin couldn’t help but to stare as they walked right in without stopping. Wherever this was his dad felt like he belonged there.

Inside the building it smelled like heavy spices and ale. Sitting at the tables were men and women wearing armor a lot like his dad’s. But theirs was all painted while his dad’s was all silver. He wondered if his dad would paint it. In his vision his own armor was always black and blue with red accents. His dad still hadn’t told him what all the colors meant yet. Apparently the meaning changed depending on clan.

Setting him down his dad took a seat at a table and motioned someone over. A woman in tunics cut like the people outside hurried over with a smile, although she felt jumpy on the inside. “Su’cuy gar jatne’vode! Me’copaani?”

“Tiingilar, ne’tra gal, shig, bal ibi’tuur vutyc par ner ad.” Anakin understood a few of the words and waited patiently until the woman walked away.

Taking a deep breath he was about to ask questions when his dad grinned at him. “Tiingilar is a very spicy dish, made with meat, grains, and vegetables. Ne’tra gal is black ale, something you can’t have until you’re much older. Ibi’tuur vutcy is the day’s special. Just like at Dex’s.” Letting out a huff he pouted as his dad anticipated all of his questions and answered them rapidly. The man had the gall to laugh at him. “We’ll have to set aside some more joha hibirar’la.” ‘Language lessons.’ Anakin nodded excitedly. He loved learning Mando’a. It was the first language he wanted to learn by choice, rather than necessity. Since his dad spoke perfect Basic and was really good at Huttese they had no trouble communicating. But Mando’a was something they could share between them and that made it special.

“Can I try your tin-tiinga-tiingilar?” His dad ruffled his hair.

“Sure you can, kiddo. But it’s even more spicy than the cinnamon sweet from earlier.” Anakin made a face. He’d liked the bright red candy at first. But the more he sucked on it the more spicy it became. Eventually he’d complained to his dad, who laughed, and had him spit it out into a handkerchief. Then his dad bought him a small iced milk treat to make up for the spiciness.

“…maybe I won’t try it today.” His father’s face split into a mischievous smile and he could feel the man’s bright amusement in the force. He stuck his tongue out at him and his dad barked out a laugh. It was rare his dad actually laughed, usually he just smiled or chuckled. Anakin counted this as his win.

“Cuyir ibac tion'ad ni mirdir bic cuyir?” A wave of strong emotions ran through his dad when the man looked over his shoulder, before his presence suddenly became as smooth as beskar. His hands twitched towards his blasters for a moment but he stopped, clenching them instead.

“Vizla.” Anakin shivered at the anger he could hear dripping from his dad’s voice. Everyone in the tapcaf was watching the two men warily, ready for a fight to break out.

“Yaimparla teh kyr’am, Jango Fett?” The man who felt like cold fire turned to look at him and Anakin froze in place. Maybe if he didn’t move the man wouldn’t notice him? “Tion’ad adiik? Gar?” Growling his dad stood up from his chair, knocking it back onto the floor.

“Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?” His dad spat the words like venom and Anakin ducked his head, scared. His dad glanced back at him and slowly let out a breath. The brimming anger in the air lessened and his dad picked up his chair to right it again, never turning his back on the man who felt like cold fire. “Digur bic. Ba’slanar, Vizla. Ni nu'copad at haa'taylir gar troan.” Pointedly turning around his dad sat back down, giving Anakin a complicated look.

“Hut’uun.” ‘Coward.’ The bad man said from behind them. Anakin stood up on his chair and glared at the man.

“Nayc! Buir cuyir ne’hut’uun! Tun otaf’alkin!” ‘No! Dad is not a coward! You cave butcher!’ He shouted in a mix of Mando’a and Ryl. Around the room objects rattled on tables and the wall, some items falling to the floor as his control began to slip.

The man scowled at him and took a step forward, only to be stopped as others stood from their seats in response. His dad grabbed him and pulled him into his lap, hiding him from the cold-fire man with shaking hands. Anakin’s anger evaporated and he quickly snuggled into his father’s hold, not wanting to cause him any more grief.

“Ba’slanar, Vizla. Jii.” ‘Leave, Vizla. Now.’ Anakin peeked over his father’s shoulder as the bad man left with the people who came in with him.

One of the armored warriors came over to them slowly, making sure to walk where his father could see them. “Me’vaar Jan’ika?” ‘You okay Jan’ika?’ His dad looked up at the man, eyes searching, before he nodded curtly.

[Jango]

Holding his son to him Jango had to breathe deeply to keep from getting up, following Vizla out into the street, and shooting him in the back of the head. If it weren’t for Anakin being there he very well may have lost his mind to anger and fought the rotten bastard to the death right then. He knew that Vizla had no honor and now the man knew he had a vulnerable son. He wouldn’t put it past the bastard to target a child if it helped him achieve his goals.

“Are you okay Jan’ika?” Looking into the speaker’s eyes he recognized Kadaab Egress, a Clan who had chosen to follow Jaster’s codex. He nodded, unsure if he could speak without his voice shaking. It was not fear or cowardice he struggled with at the moment, but his sheer overpowering hatred for anyone wearing Vizla’s colors. He hadn’t even recognized the young man, just the armor he wore.

Jango didn’t want to subject his son to that hatred. He knew what happened to Ka’runi when hatred became their only focus. He never wanted to see Anakin become like that. It would break his heart.

“Buir? I’m sorry. I got mad and yelled… and moved stuff again.” Kadaab looked between the boy and the frames that had fallen off the wall. His eyes widened with understanding.

“Jan’ika.” He looked back at the older man. “Protecting your child does not make you a coward. Vizla’s full of it, and everyone who matters knows it.” Jango felt tension bleed out of him as he looked around the room and was met with understanding. Nearly everyone there had been or currently was a parent. Jango swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Thank you.” Now that things were calming down the old woman from the back came to their table and set down their food. “Thank you, Ati’ba.” Jango said sincerely as he settled Anakin back in his own seat. The old woman smiled at him, winked at Anakin, and shuffled off back to the kitchen.

Anakin watched the old woman go, transfixed, until she vanished into the back. Then he turned to Jango, eyes as wide as saucers. “Buir! I think that old lady is a ghost!” Chuckles erupted around them and Kadaab snorted in amusement.

“Don’t worry about it, child.” The man said as he returned to his own table. Jango took a sip of his ale and smiled. His reaction had been much the same as Anakin’s back in the day.

Watching his son digging into the fish and rice dish that had been brought out to him Jango felt the last of his anger melt away. He had made the right decision not to engage Vizla. That bastard’s time would come. Right now Jango had more important things to do.

Mando’a: Su’cuy gar jatne’vode! Me’copaani?- Hello Sirs! What would you like? Tiingilar, ne’tra gal, shig, bal ibi’tuur vutyc par ner ad- Tiingilar, black ale, shig, and today’s special for my child. Cuyir ibac tion'ad ni mirdir bic cuyir?- Is that who I think it is? Yaimparla teh kyr’am, Jango Fett?- Back from the dead, Jango Fett? Tion’ad adiik? Gar?- Whose child is that? Yours? Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?- You want a smack to the face, mate? Digur bic. Ba’slanar, Vizla.- Forget it. Leave, Vizla. Ni nu'copad at haa'taylir gar troan- I don’t want to see your face. Otaf’alkin!- (Ryl) A reptilian predator native to Ryloth and found deep in the underground caverns, the name literally means “cave butcher.” It is also used as an insult to indicate one who kills without remorse, as if they were a heartless animal.

#fanfic #fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #star wars #jango fett #young anakin skywalker #adoption #mandalorian culture #mandalorian anakin #True Mandalorians #mandalorian ocs #found family #keldabe #mandalore #mando'a

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neuxue · 4 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 3

I have been waiting for this reunion for literal years. It did not disappoint.

Chapter 3: The Amyrlin’s Anger

Oh, we’re doing this!?

One thing I can guarantee: I am definitely not ready. Childhood friends turned childhood sweethearts turned near-siblings turned uneasy allies turned near-enemies, perhaps turned uneasy allies once more, with prophecy and opposing institutions and the apocalypse hanging over them?

I’m just. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a lot of thoughts about this whole dynamic, and I have been waiting for this… probably since they last saw each other in Lord of Chaos. Before that, even. Since they were set on their separate paths, but with this thread, strained and near at times to breaking but a thread all the same, of some kind of love between them that might, in the end, be enough to do what their predecessors could not, and face the end together.

Also their stories have been running in this fascinating not-quite-parallel for so long but they haven’t interacted in so long that I’m just! Very excited for this reunion and the pain it will no doubt bring!

I should start reading now, shouldn’t I?

Egwene floated in blackness. She was without form, lacking shape or body. The thoughts, imaginings, worries, hopes, and ideas of all the world extended into eternity around her.

The imagery of that last bit catches my attention here because it plays very close to the position Rand holds: stood at the centre, a force, or a being more than a person, touching all the world or – in Egwene’s case – all the world’s dreams. It’s just an interesting one, in amongst all the other parallels and inversions between them.

Though her feelings for Gawyn were still strong, her opinion of him was muddled recently.

Just break up with him already. Please. You’ve already once decided that actually no, I don’t want a storybook romance with the designated hero thank you very much; you can do it again.

The dreams of all the people here – some from her world, some from shadows of it – reminded her why she fought. She must never forget that there was an entire world outside the White Tower’s walls.

This is her anchor, just as Rand has now at last found his. Or, not even an anchor so much as a reason. Something to fight for, something to remember and strive for beyond the fight itself. And again this places her very much at the centre as well, looking at all the people, all the dreams, the entire world. They just each have their own ways of going about it, and their own reasons for doing so.

Time passed as she lay bathed in the light of dreams.

Just quoting this one because it’s pretty.

It’s sad to see Egwene thinking of the Wise Ones in terms of ‘dealing with’ them, but also not really surprising; there’s been a distance between them ever since she took on this role. They hid the events of Dumai’s Wells from her and she chose the Aes Sedai over them and it is, perhaps, one of the harsher aspects of the way she absolutely embraces her role, the good and the bad.

Ugh, fine, dream of Gawyn if you must.

A more simple life. It could not be hers, but she could dream…

Everything shook.

Or not. I’m just imagining this as the Pattern itself interrupting like ‘EGWENE, PLEASE. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM.’

(Yes, the Pattern speaks in all caps. No I will not be accepting constructive criticism on this point).

This pleasant dream interrupted by an emergency broadcast: thirteen black towers rising and then all but six falling. In case you weren’t keeping track of how many Forsaken were still alive, I suppose.

And then a follow-up as a reminder, I assume, that Mesaana is still in the Tower.

Unless the eagles-and-snake bit is referring to the Black Tower? Still no idea what’s going on there these days; it’s been a while and I’m very, very curious after that ominous line drop in the KoD epilogue.

She saw an enormous sphere made of the finest crystal. It sparkled in the light of twenty-three enormous stars, shining down on it where it sat on a dark hilltop. There were cracks in it, and it was being held together by ropes.

There was Rand, walking up the hillside, holding a woodsman’s axe. He reached the top and hefted the axe, then swung at the ropes one at a time, chopping them free. The last one parted, and the sphere began to break apart, the beautiful white globe falling in pieces. Rand shook his head.

Innnnnnnnnteresting.

The sphere (and its breaking) sounds – first of all a lot like the Sharom because what, you thought I’d pass up a Rhuidean reference? – like the Dark One’s prison, perhaps. With Rand cutting the ropes like breaking the seals.

Or maybe the Choedan Kal, with all the brilliant light of that enormous power, that he has now broken. Or the world itself, I suppose. I’m going with the Dark One’s prison here, probably.

But what are the twenty-three stars?

Thirteens are common, you can’t swing a cat in this series without hitting a duality, threes and sevens crop up on occasion… but what the hell numbers twenty-three? Except for the graves Bashere once had to dig for oak trees on the orders of the mad general he served, but while there may be no such thing as coincidence, that’s a bridge too far even for me.

Nations? Okay now I’m just curious if I can name them all, so… in the wetlands we have: Altara, Amadicia, Andor, Arafel, Cairhien, Far Madding, Ghealdan, Illian, Kandor, Mayene, Murandy, Saldaea, Shienar, Tar Valon, Tear. Then the Aiel, or: Chareen, Codarra, Daryne, Goshien, Jenn (?), Miagoma, Nakai, Reyn, Shaarad, Shaido (?), Shiande, Taardad, Tomanelle. Then Seanchan and Shara on the edges, the Atha’an Miere and the Tuatha’an, and the dead nations of Malkier, Manetheren, and the Amayar. The Ogier. The even-more-dead nations like Almoth and Eharon and whatnot. But even playing with the obvious ones like how to count the Aiel, or the dead nations, or the city-states, there’s not an obvious 23.

The Hall of the Tower maybe? Three Sitters from each Ajah is 21, so with Amyrlin and Keeper we’re at a much cleaner 23, and there is the whole ‘Watcher of the Seals’ element of the Amyrlin’s role, so twenty-three stars watching could make sense.

Or, hell I don’t know, maybe there are 23 verses in the Karaethon Cycle. Meh.

Well, Egwene’s focused on the Mesaana implications (rather than the Messiah implications; I crack myself up sometimes), which seems fair enough.

“He’s here, Mother. At the White Tower.”

“Who?”

“The Dragon Reborn. He’s asking to see you.”

HERE! WE! GO!

Because you know what this means? It means, once again, that we’re going to get outsider POV of Rand, after a crucial turning point in his character.

Twice. Because first, we got it via Almen Bunt, effectively a random character. We got to see a ‘first glimpse’ of Rand, as it were. But now we get to see through the eyes of one who knows him – or rather, one who knew him. One like him in some ways and so very different in others. An opposing role who once was a friend. There’s just so many potential layers there, through which to observe, and I am inordinately excited for this.

Though okay right as I say that we shift POV to Siuan, so I may be pre-empting this.

That said, it’s either going to be some form of outsider POV or it’s going to be Rand’s POV and either way I’m going to be on the damn floor so it’s a win-win situation here.

The Dragon Reborn? Inside Tar Valon?

I mean technically that was the goal all the way back in EotW, so you could argue that he just took a really, really long detour. Across the entire continent, a past life, and near-destruction of the world, but… details.

“He was at the Sunset Gate”

How appropriate. Is there perhaps a Wind Tower for him to climb?

“What is his game, do you think?” Saerin asked.

“Burn me if I know,” Siuan replied. “He’s bound to be mostly insane by now. Maybe he’s frightened, and has come to turn himself in.”

“I doubt that.”

“As do I.”

Harsh, Siuan. But not entirely unfounded – at least on the mostly insane part. He’s not, but first of all how would she know that and second of all, if this were a few days earlier, that would be a much harder one to argue. (For the record, my own interpretation of Rand’s sanity or lack thereof before Dragonmount is a strong vote in favour if It’s Complicated).

Of, course, then there’s the whole issue of ‘how long can you stay sane when the entire world is waiting for you to go mad’ but that is, perhaps, a moot point now.

“Maybe he heard that Elaida was gone,” Siuan said, “and thought that he would be safe here, with an old friend on the Amyrlin Seat.”

Oh no this already hurts. Honestly I think any reference to Rand and Egwene as old friends is probably going to, at this point, but also the way Siuan goes to this idea of Rand needing a place of safety. A refuge. Because in so many ways, for a very long time, she wouldn’t even have been wrong. It’s just that it wasn’t an option and there was no such place and the Dragon Reborn couldn’t afford that kind of weakness, and anyway he was never looking for safety for himself; it was keeping others safe from him that he wanted, back when he was just a shepherd boy holding himself together with determination and fragments of Warder instruction against power(s) trying to claim him from within and without.

But Siuan is remembering that boy, and I’m also remembering Rand in the early days at the Stone of Tear, trying so earnestly to let Elayne and Egwene help him with saidin, and how that, from a certain perspective, is not really so different from trying to find some safety in friends.

“Reports call him mistrustful and erratic, with a demanding temper and an insistence on avoiding Aes Sedai.”

I mean, up until – what, a day ago at most? That would be not at all inaccurate. Especially from the outside.

Really I think this whole scene with Siuan and Saerin is largely to remind us of how Rand comes across to the rest of the world. Because the thing about that Dragonmount epiphany – a crucial part of it, but one that is likely going to also result in some complications – is that it was unwitnessed. Just Rand, alone, thinking. And if the cleansing of saidin was difficult to believe by those not directly involved (and even by some of those who were), how much harder will this be, in its own way?

And just to set the scene even more ominously as far as anyone but the reader is concerned, the floor tiles are now the colour (and sheen, and probably texture, and very possibly actual chemical composition) of blood.

It is interesting to contrast the feeling of approaching this meeting to how it felt in the buildup to Rand’s meeting with Tuon last book. That was just full to the brim of impending doom, of ‘there is no possible way under the sun that this will end well’, of ‘oh no, how disastrously is this going to go?’ because at that point Rand was in freefall and the only certainty was disaster. Now, there’s a sense of lightness in approaching this meeting. I mean, I’m still quite sure it’ll hurt me, but the actual tension is different. It feels like waiting for catharsis, almost, rather than waiting for catastrophe.

So hey, maybe we just look at that meeting with Tuon as a practice run for Rand in terms of how to negotiate treaties with a woman who controls a decent part of a continent. If nothing else, it set the bar about as low as it could possibly be, so this can only be an improvement!

Siuan had harboured a small hope that she herself would be chosen [as Keeper]. Now Egwene had so many demands on her time – and was becoming so capable on her own – that she was relying on Siuan less and less.

That was a good thing. But it was also infuriating.

Oh, Siuan. Siuan’s thoughts about her position in the Tower and how it has changed are always a little sad to read. She’s so strong that it’s easy, almost, to forget just how much she’s gone through – and she can’t even just put it behind her and move on because she’s surrounded, every single day, by constant reminders of all she has lost and all that has changed. And even so, we only get these occasional moments of sadness or bitterness or frustration from her. The rest of the time she just… keeps going.

She wanted to do what she’d set out to do, all those years before with Moiraine.

It really is kind of incredible dedication to a cause. Even if ‘shepherding’ the Dragon Reborn is perhaps not really what is needed, she has paved so much of the way, and even from the sidelines has been instrumental, and this has been more or less her entire adult life. A thankless and often punishing task, one that has gone and will likely continue to go largely unacknowledged, one that has brought her hatred and suspicion and pain, and yet she does not question it, does not falter.

It's… I guess in a way it comes back to the whole idea of those who choose vs those who are chosen, but I like the way we see these characters who aren’t the Chosen One but who still give everything they are, and everything they have, to this world and this cause. Some because they must and some because they choose to and some for reasons in between but it’s again this sense that while Rand stands at the centre of it, there are all these other stories and sacrifices and triumphs and tragedies spiralling out from that centre, all weaving together into this pattern. Or Pattern, as it were.

Also, I would like to strongly second the ‘with Moiraine’ part of that sentence. Can we have her back yet please? I’ve been good, I promise!

Bryne’s here too, which means I also get to reminisce about the first (and last) time he met Rand, even before Siuan did, but another scene of Rand as little more than a shepherd, uncertain and afraid and getting by on determination alone and yet, as with his meeting with Siuan, still surprising those around him by being just a little more than expected.

(As for Rand’s first meeting with Egwene, we have no textual evidence but given their ages it probably involved eating mud).

“You came faster than I’d assumed you’d be able to,” she said.

That is, quite literally, what she said. I’m sorry, I’m twelve.

“She’s what we need now,” Bryne said, “but you’re what we needed then. You did well, Siuan.”

YOU DID WELL

I’m sorry, Moiraine’s letter to Rand really just loaded all variants of that phrase quite heavily and it’s not Moiraine saying it to Siuan but it may as well be, and to have anyone looking at all she has done and all she has been through, looking at someone most Aes Sedai now dismiss as inconsequential at best and to blame for their problems at worst, and actually seeing everything she’s achieved and everything she’s sacrificed and to just acknowledge it outright is… such a small phrase but it means so much. Because how many others would say that? How many others could? So few even know what she’s done and why and for how long. Egwene, maybe, but Egwene is still in some ways her protégé and so not really in a position to give that kind of praise. Moiraine, but she’s still… on holiday. And that’s really kind of it.

There’s a reason these kinds of tasks are called thankless.

“He’s standing below, watched over by at least a hundred Warders and twenty-six sisters – two full circles. Undoubtedly he’s shielded”

My first thought was ‘good thing this is Rand after Dragonmount otherwise I don’t think there’d be a Tower right now’, but then, Rand before Dragonmount would probably quite literally not have been caught dead within balefire distance of the White Tower.

Whereas now… what a stark difference this highlights in his entire mindset and character. Once, the possibility of thirteen Aes Sedai sent him away from a city he was holding, tense and desperate and furious. Once, being shielded was – well, I believe the direct quote was ‘Lews Therin fled screaming’. Once, Aes Sedai so much as touching the One Power in his presence without his permission was like dancing on a minefield.

Now… he stands calmly, shielded and within the Tower itself, the stronghold of the Aes Sedai, of his own free will (and that’s it, isn’t it; that’s what truly makes all the difference in so many ways).

Also a bit of a random comparison but I can’t help but be reminded of Taim walking into Caemlyn to claim Rand’s amnesty, guarded and distrusted and hated by pretty much everyone around him and yet appearing, himself, all but unaffected by it.

“Well, what did he look like, then?”

“Honestly, Siuan? He looked like an Aes Sedai.”

Well. Lews Therin was. In an even older sense of the title.

And if we’re looking at the title itself, and its meaning… servant of all is sort of in the job description of a messiah figure, in a way.

I like how we’re reminded that, because of her Talent for seeing ta’veren, Rand literally glows to Siuan’s eyes. Which means the Dragon Reborn, the chosen one, the saviour, having now fully embraced his role, is walking into the Tower literally haloed in light. There’s just a tiny bit of religious symbolism here, is what I’m getting at.

I also – for all that I’m still hoping for a glimpse of Rand through Egwene’s eyes – am very very happy with the choice to show this through Siuan’s POV. Because in so many ways it is a reflection of that scene in TGH where he is summoned to the Amyrlin, and she gets her first look at the boy who will be the Dragon but does not yet know it, and tells him what his role will be, and he surprises her in his stubbornness and strength but still does not truly accept what she says.

Now, we get the Dragon Reborn calling for an audience with the Amyrlin, having finally and truly embraced the full reality of that role. The first was, in a way, to set his path. This, then, feels almost like closing it. And in between those bookends was that long, fraught journey towards acceptance.

Me? Obsessed with symmetry and reflection in a narrative? Never.

She froze as he met her eyes. There was something indefinable about them, a weight, an age. As though the man behind them was seeing through the light of a thousand lives compounded into one. His face did look like that of an Aes Sedai. Those eyes, at least, had agelessness.

This is one of the things I just absolutely love about outsider POV: the way it allows you to almost re-experience the full weight of what you already know. To be able to almost… soft-reset, and then open your eyes and have the impact of it all over again. None of this is news, really, to a reader who has seen Rand atop Dragonmount, or even in the first chapter of this book. But we get it again anyway, because for one thing it’s fun and for another it just serves to highlight what he looks like to one who does not have the privilege of being in his head (not that that’s… a particularly exclusive list these days, but that’s beside the point).

And it’s also interesting how this doesn’t humanise Rand in the perception of others – he’s still very much in the position of being seen more as a force of nature than a person – but the tone and the effect are so very different to before, for instance when he was lost or in pain or just desperate (or all of the above) and yet perceived as arrogant, inhuman, even monstrous. There’s still this sense of… not being seen as just a person, being seen more in the heroic lines and angles of power and weight of legend, but the difference, I think, is that Rand himself accepts it now. It is now a part of who he is, and a part of him he accepts, and embraces, and steps willingly into.

It also gives him some rather extraordinary weight of personality so making his way through a crowd of Warders is a piece of cake. See, sometimes being the chosen one has its benefits.

“And Siuan Sanche. You’ve changed since we last met.”

Oh. Okay yeah the fact that we get him saying this to her, rather than the other way around, is a really, really excellent way of just subtly shifting the entire balance of power – not even quite power; something else I can’t think of a good word for – of the scene.

It's the way it takes the way this scene is so neatly set up to be a bookend of that first meeting between them, and just… flips the obvious line on its axis. It’s still there, we’re still on script, but it’s ever so slightly not what you expect, and that difference itself becomes the point. Because Rand is no longer the object of the scene; he is very much its subject. The assignment of agency and proactivity has shifted (he has chosen, now, rather than been chosen; a semantic shift that makes perhaps literally all the difference in the world), and this is just a really cool way to play with that.

If that made any sense.

“You once took an arrow for me. Did I thank you for that?”

This… this gentleness is absolutely killing me and we’re only a few lines into his actual appearance in this chapter. The way it’s no longer forced, or agonised, or desperate, or serving only as a sharp contrast to either anger or apathy to remind you of who he once was. Instead it’s just… there. Without brittleness or the aching sense of something lost. There’s just a weird kind of beauty in the simplicity of this, in how it’s just… him, without any of the hundred things waiting to shatter beneath that statement.

Maybe that’s it; the gentleness that doesn’t feel like the precursor to shattering glass. The way this isn’t a veiled threat, or a barb, or a forced admission, or a conversational gambit. Just thanks, remembered honestly and offered freely and that’s… it.

(Moiraine once took a Forsaken for you, Rand. Be sure to thank her for that too).

Anyway, Siuan sings Egwene’s praises as Amyrlin, of course, and apparently everything Rand says or does in this chapter is going to just get me because:

He smiled again. “I should have expected nothing less. Strange, but I feel that seeing her again will hurt, though that is one wound that has well and truly healed. I can still remember the pain of it, I suppose.”

Again it’s just the gentleness that pervades all of this, where once there was turmoil and pain and a rage in him fit to burn the world, or else terrifying coldness and absence and a distant voice screaming. It’s like everything has finally fallen silent and only then do you realise how loud everything was before, and how maddening. Just… Rand being able to smile simply, and feel and express emotions in the normal human range.

And that sense of… wonder, almost, that you get from him at that fact. It’s—there is very much a rebirth kind of feel to a lot of this, because a part of it is that Rand is very, very aware of where he has just come from and where he stands now. That’s the whole point: to get to this, he had to choose it and realise it and open his eyes, I suppose. And so now he’s seeing everything through that new filter (or perhaps without the noise of the old one) and there’s a kind of beautiful simplicity and something like but also entirely unlike innocence to it.

Tiana has a letter for him with a red seal… one of Verin’s, maybe? If so, Rand sure has a track record with Aes Sedai and letters left to him. She did have several, when we saw her with Mat… and I struggle to think of who else would have left one. Cadsuane, maybe?

“Do your best to calm Egwene when I am done,” he said to Siuan. Then he took a deep breath and strode forward

CHILDREN. ALL OF THEM. That, right there, for probably the first time this book, is absolutely 100% a glimpse of Rand al’Thor, Woolheaded Sheepherder, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Wise, gentle, reconciled to his role, remembering his past life and accepting who he is… and still taking a deep breath and making contingency plans before going to a stubborn-off with his former childhood sweetheart. I’m laughing.

OH IT’S EGWENE, WE DO GET TO SEE THIS IN EGWENE’S POV, YES THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED.

This was not Rand al’Thor, friend of her childhood, the man she’d assumed she’d one day marry.

Oh no, just start right out with a gut-punch why don’t you. No, Egwene, he is.

Except… he also isn’t, and that’s the sad part. But if this is to work, I still think that’s going to be the key: that they know—knew—each other as people. Except now Egwene is deliberately telling herself not to do that, and while it’s understandable it’s… that way lies the end of the Second Age.

No. This man was the Dragon Reborn. The most dangerous man ever to draw breath.

This hurts me in exactly the way I was hoping it would.

Just as Rand has finally accepted himself, and in some ways come back to himself (not quite, because you can’t go back you can only go forwards as the Wheel of Time turns, but he’s no longer forcing everything about who he was away), Egwene is forcing herself to see him as anything but that. As just the Dragon Reborn, legend and monster and saviour and destroyer. It’s a perfect mis-alignment of timings.

(Egwene is steeling herself, just as Rand has finally stopped trying to become steel).

“Egwene,” Rand said

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

She’s thinking of him, emphatically, as the Dragon Reborn… but the dialogue tag betrays her. We are in her POV and as soon as he speaks, he is Rand.

And the first word he says is her name. Not ‘Mother’ or ‘Amyrlin’, not the opening of some request or demand. Just… ‘Egwene’.

He is the Dragon Reborn, come to see the Amyrlin—he asked for the Amyrlin—and she is the Amyrlin steeling herself to face the Dragon Reborn and yet in the first moment, when that silence of waiting is broken, they are Rand and Egwene and—

I just. Maybe I’m reading too much into this but it’s perfect and it hurts and I love it.

(Names are important).

He nodded to her, as if in respect. “You have done your part, I see. The Amyrlin’s stole fits you well.”

WHY DOES THIS HURT ME? WHY AM I EXPERIENCING AN EMOTION?

They’ve both just come so far and through so much and they hardly even know one another anymore, and there’s this almost-but-not-quite uncertainty and almost-but-not-quite familiarity, and yet it feels not like the anticipation before an ‘everything goes wrong’ moment but instead the anticipation of… maybe, finally, finding their way back to something? Or forwards, I suppose. It’s like the tentative formality of meeting someone for the first time in years, unsure of them and of yourself and of everything that’s happened in the interim but there’s something weirdly hopeful about it.

Maybe I’m just so used to liveblogging pain that I don’t know what to do with myself when it’s not there, except in echoes and memories and all the space that has grown between them, but this is like… a hand offered across that intervening space.

From what she had heard of Rand recently, she had not anticipated such calm in him.

I mean. That’s… fair.

Well, or she might have been led to anticipate a very different kind of calm. The calm of ice or cuendillar that could in an instant become, you know, balefiring an entire fortress out of existence.

Maybe save your musings on whether or not he’s a criminal for whatever passes as a Geneva Convention in this world, Egwene. We don’t have time to unpack all of that right now.

“What has happened to you?” she found herself asking as she leaned forward on the Amyrlin Seat.

“I was broken,” Rand said, hands behind his back. “And then, remarkably, I was reforged. I think he almost had me, Egwene.”

HELP.

THIS IS JUST.

I… wow. What do I even do with this?

Just as the first word out of his mouth was her name, and her first thought of him was as Rand… now, despite sitting on the Amyrlin Seat—which we are quite literally reminded of here, and I don’t think that’s accidental—her first words are… call it concern, call it curiosity, call it demand, call it accusation even, but that’s not Amyrlin to Dragon Reborn there. That’s not the opening of negotiations or a summons or a meeting. That’s Egwene, looking at Rand. It’s like Nynaeve in TFoH reaching for him almost instinctively and saying ‘at least let me Heal you’.

And then Rand’s response!

‘I was broken’. Such a simple statement for so, so much more. And yet… that’s what it is. It’s the simplicity, again, that gets me. The simplicity and the self-awareness and the way he can look at it now, with that sense of removal, but this time not because he’s walled himself off from the pain; instead, he lets himself feel it but he has accepted its reason and its source and its necessity. He’s no longer fighting against himself, and that lets him bear so much more, because so much of that pain came from that battle against himself, and from the fear of what he might become.

He spent so long trying to forge himself into steel, but in the end that’s not the reforging he needed. And now he knows that, and sees it, and there’s just something about a character who can stand on the far side of their own breaking and their own agony and speak of it calmly, whole.

It's just an entire situation I’m having here.

And that last bit. ‘I think he almost had me’. The memory of ‘it is HIM’. And the fact that Rand can see that too, now; can see how close he came to the Shadow without ever turning from the Light, and understand that nuance.

But also… there is still one very glaring loose end there: Rand has used the True Power. Sure, he doesn’t seem particularly… uh… compromised by that at this point, but I still just cannot imagine that won’t be brought back in some way.

He spoke differently. There was a formality to his words that she didn’t recognise.

And then it’s lines like this that keep this scene from being… to perfect? Not in terms of execution, but in terms of ‘things going well and painlessly for characters’. Because there is still a sadness to this, to Rand and Egwene looking at one another (and naming one another!) and seeing the person behind the role, and looking for the person they knew, and yet also still seeing elements of a stranger.

Because they have changed. Neither of them is at all the child they were when they left Emond’s Field, and there is so much between them now, and that connection they have is worn and thinned and this isn’t a joyful reunion. There’s catharsis here, and a tentative possibility of peace or friendship, but there’s also this recognition, each to each, of how much of what used to be is now gone. They’ve both been hardened and shaped by their experiences and they both know it and recognise it in each other—perhaps in part because they both also very clearly by this point recognise it in themselves.

“Why have you come before the Amyrlin Seat?” she asked.

And now we get the opening of Amyrlin-to-Dragon. But that’s not where we began. We began with Rand and Egwene, and I’ll shut up about it in a minute but this whole play of naming and identity is one of those little things that gets me pretty much every time it turns up in a story.

“I’ve hated you before,” Rand said, turning back to Egwene.

I’M FINE! THIS IS FINE!

Yes I am quoting pretty much every line of dialogue in this scene but LISTEN, IT HURTS ME.

The thing is, this is a statement utterly without malice. It’s not a threat or an insult—not even the childish sort of insult they might have exchanged last time they met. It’s… really, the only word that comes to mind is a confession.

Which plays into one of the features of Rand’s character that stands out so far in the brief moments we’ve seen him in this book: genuine self-knowledge, and self-knowledge that he fully accepts. There is no longer any remnant of denial.

And that allows him to make statements like this and have them come across as, weirdly, almost benevolent. Nothing he has said is said with the intent to deceive, or to wound, or even really to manipulate. It’s just truth—and truth that he himself fully understands and accepts now.

So he’s not fighting against her out of fear of being caught up in Aes Sedai strings, just as he’s not fighting against Lews Therin’s memories out of fear of being caught up in Kinslayer’s fate. Instead of fighting against everything up to and including himself, he’s just… him.

“It occurs to me that I’ve been trying too hard.”

That’s exactly it. He’s been fighting, when in some ways what he needed was to learn how (and where, and when) to surrender. Though even ‘surrender’ connotes a struggle or a conflict, and I think a lot of this realisation is that it’s not about fighting or forcing or struggling; it’s about accepting, and guiding, and leading. And choosing, of course.

“A fear that the acts I accomplished would be yours, and not my own.” He hesitated. “I should have wished for such a convenient set of backs upon which to heap the blame for my crimes.”

Wow. Okay, that’s… a line.

Um.

Damn.

It’s almost ironic, the way he instead tried to heap all the responsibility on himself and take all that blame and pain, and let it damn him and in doing so tried to pretend it freed him to act as he needed, no longer held back by such trivial concerns as humanity and his own conscience or sense of redeemability. But ultimately it came down to the same thing, in a way: an inability to accept what he was doing, and so trying to find a place to put all that pain.

(Or, as Lews Therin once advised, ‘If it hurts too much, make it hurt someone else instead’).

But now he sees that, too, and so instead of trying to escape the pain or treat it as ‘I’m damned either way so may as well burn it all’, he understands his responsibility but in a more… balanced way, I suppose.

The Dragon Reborn had come to the White Tower to engage in idle philosophy

Moridin? That you?

I do sort of wonder, because I’m me, what impact, if any, Rand’s epiphany might (or could; I don’t really expect the story to go there, much as I might wish it to) have on Moridin, given the link they share.

“Rand,” Egwene said, softening her tone.

And now we get the reflection of the names from the opening of this conversation! It’s about the names! It’s about the dialogue tags! It’s about identity and perception and that thread of friendship that still binds them and might in the end be enough to save them from their predecessors’ fate!

“I’m going to have some sisters talk to you to decide if there is anything… wrong with you. Please try to understand.”

I mean you could not have phrased that less tactfully if you tried, Egwene, but it is kind of understandable. We may know full well that there’s less wrong with Rand now than there has been at pretty much any point since the start of the series, but how in the Light would anyone else be able to be sure of that? He’s certainly not acting like the Rand Egwene once knew, or even the Rand she last saw. Nor is he behaving like the Rand from whatever reports she’s received.

And yes, while I think the world waiting and watching for him to go mad hurt far more than it helped, there’s also the fact that that is what everyone and their mother expects—because up until what, a few months ago, that was inevitable.

So then in walks the Dragon Reborn, acting like… well, this, and what else are you going to do? A bit like the cleansing of saidin, as a reader you want all the other characters to just take it on faith, but the rather sad irony of Rand’s position is that his own word is the one no one is entirely sure they can trust. And the only one here who can vouch for him is himself. Elayne or Aviendha or Min might be able to, but none of them is nearby, and also that bond’s been kept pretty quiet.

So anyway. Yeah, I can see where she’s coming from on that.

To his credit, so can Rand.

“Oh, I do understand, Egwene. And I am sorry to deny you, but I have too much to do.”

There’s the woolheaded sheepherder again. He’s smiling here, and I am quite sure this is a bit of the old Rand dropping by to say hello and needle Egwene just a bit, because that’s what they do.

“A friend rides to his death without allies.”

HE NAMED YOU FRIEND. AND NOW YOU REMEMBER HIM. THIS IS FINE I’M FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE.

“This is the part I regret. I did not wish to come into your centre of power, which you have achieved so well, and defy you. But it cannot be helped. You must know what my plans are so that you can prepare.”

To be able to say that without so much as the hit of a threat in it is… quite a power move, I have to say. Because even here, I think he’s still just being absolutely and even benevolently honest. He doesn’t want to undermine her. He doesn’t even really want to challenge her. He understands where she’s coming from – which itself puts us so, so far from where he was just days ago, that he can meet her uncertainty and suspicion and say ‘okay yeah, that’s fair’.

And if he had time, I wonder if he might actually agree to that particular request.

But he doesn’t have time. Which brings us to the other extraordinary part of this statement: willingly offering up communication. Just. Straight up saying ‘you need to know my plans’. Mark this date in your calendars, friends: a Wheel of Time character just offered, unprompted, voluntarily, to share their plans with another character, so that they can prepare.

I am astonished.

“The last time I tried to seal the Bore”

You know, just the other day.

“I believe that saidin and saidar must both be used.”

I think he’s absolutely right there—it’s a part of what I love about Rand and Egwene, childhood friends for all that they’ve grown apart, holding the roles that they do; the idea that this bond between them, strained as it is, could allow them to do what Lews Therin and Latra Posae could not—but I also… he shall hold a blade of light in his hands, and the three shall be one. I just… wonder.

Egwene leaned forward, studying him. There didn’t seem to be madness in his eyes. She knew those eyes. She knew Rand.

YES!

THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED! That she sees him. Looks past the Dragon Reborn, past her role as Amyrlin, and for a moment she is just Egwene looking at Rand and it is by nature such a simple thing—stripping away everything but that simple identity—but it’s also the thing that can give them a chance to do it differently this time. This chance of understanding, this one small thing that could tip them towards cooperation and trust rather than letting them turn away from each other or fall apart.

Light, she thought, I’m wrong. I can’t think of him only as the Dragon Reborn. I’m here for a reason. He’s here for a reason. To me, he must be Rand. Because Rand can be trusted, while the Dragon Reborn must be feared.

Maybe it’s very Sanderson to have this stated outright, but I’m not even going to complain, because it’s… perfect. To allow, in the end, trust and friendship and who they are rather than purely what they are come into it as well, even just in some small way, to bridge that gap. It’s what Lews Therin and Latra Posae couldn’t do, but Rand and Egwene have a chance to try again.

I just… have been spinning around on this EXACT CONCEPT for, I don’t know, several books now, and to see it playing out so plainly here is everything I want and I am never going to be okay again in my life.

“Which are you?” she whispered unconsciously.

He heard. “I am both, Egwene. I remember him. Lews Therin. I can see his entire life, every desperate moment. I see it like a dream, but a clear dream. My own dream. It’s part of me.”

It’s a nice touch, that he speaks of it as a dream, to the one who understands dreams so well.

It’s also just a lot, to have gone from ‘so many parts of him, mind splintered in glittering shards, all of them screaming’ to ‘sorrows and his own suicide’ to a clear dream he accepts as a part of himself. The pain and desperation of it are still there, but he’s no longer fighting them, because he no longer sees it as something he’s bound to. It’s just a part of who he is, but it doesn’t have to define what he will be.

I also like this because Egwene was one of the first to notice him speaking to a voice in his mind. And now she gets this, just an honest and accepting response. It seems fitting, somehow.

The words were those of a madman, but they were spoken evenly. She looked at him, and remembered the youth that he had been. The earnest young man. Not solemn like Perrin, but not wild like Mat. Solid, straightforward. The type of man you could trust with anything.

Even the fate of the world.

THAT’S IT THAT’S IT RIGHT THERE. If they did not know each other, this could be an impasse. Not as disastrous as Rand’s meeting with Tuon, perhaps, because he’s a little… uh… less omnicidal at this particular moment, but likely just as unsuccessful. An Amyrlin who could not trust the Dragon, and a Dragon who could not afford to give her the assurances she needed, and so two powers working in parallel but separately, almost in opposition.

But she knows him. And it’s the youth he had been—it is LITERALLY THE MEMORY OF A SHEPHERD NAMED RAND AL’THOR, the echo of one of my favourite quotes—that tips the balance the other way this time.

It’s Rand. The boy he tried for so long to destroy, because to be him hurt too much.

And I also really love how it isn’t about some Grand True Love between them that does it. They were childhood sweethearts, sure, but the love between them is that of friends, of a shared childhood, of something very much like family. And I like that there’s this implicit importance and weight placed on that; that in its way it’s as crucial to this moment as the ‘veins of gold’ were on Dragonmount

This is what Latra Posae and Lews Therin had. And so instead it falls to Egwene and Rand, to learn from their mistakes, and do what they could not. It is what Rand realised on Dragonmount, and what he is playing out now. A chance to try again.

And it’s because he’s Rand that that’s possible. It’s not Lews Therin, or the Dragon Reborn (but it is also both of those, because he is both of those).

“In one month’s time,” Rand said, “I’m going to travel to Shayol Ghul and break the last remaining seals on the Dark One’s prison. I want your help.”

Well. I mean. Okay. Points for honest and straightforward communication, I suppose. I love that he just walks into the Tower and drops this on her like a grenade, though. It amuses me.

Ah, so she thinks the crystal sphere in her dream represents the seals or the prison as well.

“Rand, no”

Rand: Rand yes!

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

“I’m going to need you, all of you”

Rand openly admitting to needing anyone or anything, and again just as a statement rather than a threat or an angry demand, is another thing that’s new and kind of refreshing.

“I hope to the Light that this time, you will give me your support.”

Rand to Egwene, remembering Lews Therin to Latra Posae. And if everyone is someone reborn, who’s to say she isn’t? (I’m not… really sure whether I’d want that to be true or not, so I suppose it’s nice that it’s not stated one way or the other, at least up to this point. But it could be a fun one to play with). Either way, those very much are the roles they’re echoing, and I swear I’ll shut up about this but I still just love how, so closely following Rand’s realisation on Dragonmount, we get to actually watch that kind of chance-to-try-again play out. A chance to work together, rather than apart.

“And then… well, then we will discuss my terms.”

Ah well, I suppose it was too much to hope for him to communicate the whole plan right now. Baby steps and all that.

Also, you know, narrative choices and the need to keep at least something back.

“Your terms?” Egwene demanded. “You will see,” he said, turning as if to leave.

So… the way it’s framed puts us into very slightly antagonistic (and much more familiar) territory of lack of communication and demands and terms.

But I wonder what terms he’s referring to, because there is a nonzero probability that he’s talking about Callandor here. In which case, it’s not entirely impossible that the terms he’s referring to are, in effect, those of his own surrender.

I could be wrong. I very probably am. But it’s… an interesting possibility to consider. And it would be kind of fitting, in a way, for that to be the uncommunicated and therefore misunderstood thing here.

Turns out ‘the Amyrlin’s Anger’ is Egwene just shouting at her childhood friend ‘don’t you turn your back on me when I’m talking to you, Rand al’Thor’ and Rand turning back like a boy who tracked mud into the house. I love them, I really do.

“We must talk about this,” she said. “Plan.”

“That is why I came to you. To let you plan.”

He seemed amused.

Oh, he’s absolutely amused. Part of him still is the boy you knew, and this is honestly just classic Rand-and-Egwene, for all that it’s also on an entirely different level. They antagonise one another: it’s what they do. But I don’t think there’s true anger here, on either side. And again, that is what could save them. That ‘anger’ between them is… this, rather than that snapping of tension and dropping of any possibility of a truce and turning immediately to planning their next moves, all thought of alliance or restraint over, between Rand and Tuon.

Anyway. The other thing here is that… it’s easy to be exasperated with Egwene, because just listen to Rand, he’s sane now damn it, and he’s almost certainly right about the seals.

But honestly? In her position? Knowing what she knows—and not knowing all the things she doesn’t know, like the actual state of Rand’s mind—it’s hard to fault her for pushing back on this. He walks in, says he’s fine and that he remembers a dead man’s entire life and also that they need to break the prison of the embodiment of entropy and chaos and evil, okay bye!

Like. As Amyrlin, it’s her job to say ‘okay, right, I’m with you, but also what the fuck’. It would be irresponsible not to.

Of course… I get the impression Rand knows that, too. And is, perhaps, counting on it. He came to her to let her plan, and he doesn’t seem surprised or upset by the fact that she doesn’t just immediately say ‘okay cool when do we start’, and he has a certain respect for the position she holds.

I think it’s entirely possible this is what he wants from her. For her to plan. Because he doesn’t have time to. And because, just as she looks at him and sees someone she can trust with the fate of the world, he looks at her and sees someone he can trust with planning and logistics and getting the Aes Sedai to get themselves where he needs them. A kind of ‘this is what I’m going to do, now do whatever it is you need to do because I don’t need to micromanage and I also don’t have time to, okay see you at Tarmon Gai’don’.

“And so here we come to it,” Rand said.

Yeah, he saw this coming.

“Egwene al’Vere, Watcher of the Seals, Flame of Tar Valon, may I have your permission to withdraw?”

He asked it so politely. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or not.

The thing is, I really don’t think he is. It’s like how earlier he said he didn’t want to come into her place of power and undermine her. He’s giving her, I think, an honest gesture with genuine respect. Because now, at peace with himself as he is, it costs him nothing to do so. She is not his enemy, and I do think his respect for her is honest, and I think he still cares about her as a friend, and what does he lose by giving her a small bow and her titles and the opportunity to grant him permission to leave?

And of course Egwene is conflicted, because on the one hand she can’t keep him here like Elaida tried to, but on the other hand…

“I will not let you break the seals,” she said. “That is madness.”

“Then meet me at the place known as the Field of Merrilor, just to the north. We will talk before I go to Shayol Ghul. For now, I do not want to defy you, Egwene. But I must go.’

Ah. And so we have a battleground.

As for the rest… well. It’s not quite accord, but nor is it disaster. It’s not even quite a true impasse. There’s tension now, sure, but it’s a) not even in the same hemisphere as as bad as it would have been if Rand hadn’t had some alone time on a mountain to think, literally, about his life choices and b) not insurmountable.

And c) I still think there’s a very real chance this is all Rand actually needed or wanted out of this. Egwene now knows his plan and his timing and the battleground, and she can take care of the rest.

It’s almost—gasp—as if Rand al’Thor, Dragon Reborn, has truly learned to delegate.

The chamber was still enough for Egwene to hear the faint breeze making the rose window groan it its lead.

The wind, for Rand, against the rose, for the Aes Sedai. (Also, listen, I have not forgotten that Eldrene was the Rose of the Sun).

“Very well,” Egwene said. “But this is not ended, Rand.”

“There are no endings, Egwene.”

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

They talk a big game about each other’s titles, and wonder if they’re really the person they each once knew, but they both open and closes with nothing but each other’s names, and it means absolutely everything.

Also, that’s… really not a bad outcome. Honestly, this could have been so much worse. Anger? Try ‘okay um that’s unexpected and I’m still not sure you’re not insane but…sure. Okay’.

Which really is all you need, right? It’s agreement with a bit of hesitation, and at this stage in the game that’s a damn victory.

Again, I can’t help but contrast it with that absolute catastrophe at Falme, and compared to that? This is just friends sticking their tongues out at each other on the way out. Rand knows he can count on Egwene to be there, at least. Will she agree with him when she arrives? Who knows. But that’s a problem for another time. For now, he at least knows she’ll go, and that’s all he can ask. And he can leave the rest of the planning in her hands.

And she knows what he’s planning, and knows he wants her as an ally, and can therefore make said plans.

I don’t think this is ended either, and I’m sure there’s plenty of potential conflict to come, but this was, all things considered, really kind of impressive in its lack of explosions.

(Also, ‘there are no endings’. Now who’s giving Aes Sedai answers, Rand? As well as probably spoilers for the last line of the series. Rude.)

Oh, interesting. So Rand’s ta’veren hyperdrive powers pretty much literally froze all the other Aes Sedai in place. Because this needed to be a meeting between Rand and Egwene. Because of their roles, yes, but also because of that thread of connection they still share. And so it had to be the two of them, because that was the only chance of this working at all.

Egwene frowned. She hadn’t felt it that way. Perhaps because she thought of him as Rand.

I… yeah. Because that’s what he needed: to have this conversation with someone who could see him. Even then, it barely came out to something almost resembling accord. They needed that small weight on the scales, to have that chance. And so she was free, because it was the Dragon Reborn, and not Rand, who was holding the others silent, in a way.

Or at least that’s how I’m reading this because it plays into my entire thing for names and identity and perception, and the importance thereof.

“We need to discuss his words. The Hall of the Tower will reconvene in one hour’s time for discussion.”

Which, really, is exactly what they need to be doing. Now they have the information, and they can figure out… a battle plan, I suppose. Okay. We’re there now. We have a place and a time (this place, this day, which of course is followed by the lesser sadness, yes I remember sequences of chapter titles why are you looking at me like that) and the beginnings of a plan. I’m… it’s been five years and I’m not entirely ready for this.

“And someone follow to make sure he really leaves.”

You’re just afraid he’ll find some way to prank you on his way out, don’t lie.

“Then how? How do we stop him?”

That, Silviana, is not the question you need to be asking. I mean, I get it. I really do. And I’m not sure how they could not think that, at least initially. But… the time for working against each other’s aims, when you are all on the same side, is over.

“We need allies,” Egwene said.

Which, again, I think is precisely the point. That is something it makes absolute sense for Rand to delegate to the Amyrlin Seat, who has the power and the standing to gather allies and play the games of politics, and bring her portion of the Forces of the Light to… the Field of Merrilor, I suppose.

She took a deep breath. “He might be persuaded by people that he trusts.” Or he might be forced to change his mind if confronted by a large enough group united to stop him.

Oh, Egwene, no. You can’t be another Latra Posae.

But perhaps it would be too easy for this to actually just be their only not-quite-conflict. I still think it was more a success than a failure, all told, and I stand by everything I said about the importance of their friendship in letting them see each other, but I think we’re looking at one final testing of that, before the end.

Next (ToM ch 4) Previous (ToM ch 2)

#the. NAMES!#i'm fine #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #Towers of Midnight

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choicesjunkie · 6 years

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Spoilers for TRR Book 2, Chapter 9

Okay, this chapter is just full of drama and feels. I am not promising that I’m going to write out every chapter like this. But like, there were too many feels for me to ignore any of them. >.<

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Drake and I paused in the back of the room, not seeing Bastien anywhere, we seemed to wordlessly agree to listen to the end of Maxwell’s ridiculous toast. Maxwell finished his speech, and everyone raised their glasses to drink. I was nodding appreciatively when almost simultaneously, I heard someone grunt and felt someone grab my arm and pull. I stumbled back a step and, with a shock, realized the person pulling me was Bastien. So much for my career as an Agent. I hadn’t even heard him approach! The grunt had apparently been Drake, who’d also been caught off guard.

“Drake, I see you’ve brought a security breach with you.” Bastien said in exasperation, the disapproval stark in his tone. “I know you two are close, but I’m afraid Lady Mayene will have to leave.”

“First of all,” I said, copping an attitude. Seeing Bastien enflamed my indignation, and I couldn’t let the opportunity for a backhanded comment pass unappreciated. “The security here is wonderful, since all I had to do was say that I was here with Drake and one of your men let me in. I’m sure the King feels incredibly safe.”

The looks of shock on both Drake’s and Bastien’s faces were priceless. Of course, they were both shocked for different reasons. Bastien was -I assumed- shocked at my nerve, as well as horrified that I had simply been allowed into a ‘no girls allowed’ party. Take that, you traitorous bastard. Drake was shocked because I never lashed out like that unless Madeleine was being particularly bitchy. But, you know, I’d been on an emotional roller coaster for what felt like an eternity. This man was a big part of the reason, and I was not done yet.

“Second, we need to talk to you, and you’d damned well better have some answers for us, because I am not in the mood for games.” Bastien looked taken aback for a moment, but quickly regained his control.

“I’m afraid it’s leave or I’ll escort you out. Talking isn’t an option.” He said firmly, then muttered under his breath, “And I’ll have to have a talk with whoever is stationed out there, what ‘closed event’ and ‘invitation only,’ means…”

“We mean talk.” Drake said, snapping out of his stupor. He’d been eying me appreciatively during my tirade. That’s right, Drake, I’m not a pushover.

“Drake, I’ll escort you out too, if I have to.” Bastien said, still trying to keep his composure despite the scene we were trying and failing to conceal, based on the looks we were now getting from a couple of the noblemen on the fringes of the group.

“Bastien, we know it was you.” I hissed, before I stopped to get control of myself. I took a breath and said more calmly, “We know it was you.”

“Yes, you know it was me who removed you from the party. Now, come along.”

He was seriously going to keep playing dumb? Before I could let my temper get the better of me again, I glanced over at Drake, who seemed to be losing control of himself as well. I decided one of us should be level headed, so I let him take the lead so I could calm down more. Drake could handle this.

“We know you were the one who paid Penelope to sabotage Mayene. I bet you were behind Olivia leaving court, too.” Drake said, sharply. To the point, one of the things I loved about Drake. Love? I meant like. One of the things I liked about Drake. Good grief, now was not the time.

Bastien hesitated for a second, not sure how to evade such a direct statement.

“This isn’t the time or place for games.” Bastien said curtly, moving to lead me out.

“Penelope confessed. There’s no reason to play dumb.” If I’d thought my voice was cold earlier, Drake’s was like ice. Bastien changed his tune, now sounding indignant.

“I’m a servant of the crown. Why would I care who Liam chooses?” He challenged, completely ignoring the part where Penelope had already confessed and sold him out.

“That’s what we want to know.” My voice was quieter now, as I continue to gain control of my emotions. I mean, I was still pissed, but I wasn’t about to lash out in a way that was unproductive now.

“I keep asking myself why you’d do something like this, and…” The raw emotion in Drakes voice was overwhelming. The mix of anger and sadness was so real, I wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him it was going to be all right. He didn’t want to believe this of Bastien. Neither of us did, but him, even more so. Bastien was his family. “Someone else must’ve had a hand in it.” His voice hardened again. “I want to know who.”

“Drake, you don’t want to do this.” Bastien said, his mask finally breaking. He didn’t seem to be able to handle the utter betrayal in Drake’s voice.

“Please help us out here. I know…” Drake’s voice broke, and he had to clear his voice before he was able to continue. HE looked like he was about to cry. “I know you’re a good guy.” He sounded pleading now, wavering between anger and the desperate hope that we were somehow wrong. “You wouldn’t—"

“Dammit, Drake! I can’t!” Bastien growled. There was something warring in his eyes. I recognized that look. Not exactly, but I’d seen a similar expression on Drake the night before. It was his loyalty.

“Bastien…” I said softly, not sure that we would be able to get anything out of him, because in men like Drake and Bastien, loyalty was something you couldn’t brute force. “Fine, I’ll go.”

“We’ll both go.” Drake spat, glaring at Bastien through slightly watery eyes.

“Drake… I’m sorry.” Bastien said, the fight seeming to go out of him. “I didn’t want… This wasn’t personal. I swear.”

“It feels pretty damn personal from where I’m standing.” Drake seethed, and I could see the sadness ebbing and the anger rearing it’s head again. There was only one thing that could make this worse.

“I step out for ten minute and come back to chaos. What is the meaning of this prolonged disturbance?” The indignant voice of Bertrand burst through the room. I glanced around and noticed that half of the room was watching our confrontation with Bastien, despite Maxwell trying to distract them. Luckily, we weren’t loud enough for them to hear what we were talking about. Well, hopefully.

“Lady Mayene?” Bertrand gasped in shock. You’d think I used the dessert fork to eat my salad.

“You.” The word came out as a growl, and I groaned inwardly. Great. This was exactly what we needed. Man, was I missing Justin right then. I opened my mouth to speak as Drake strode up to Bertrand, but no words came out. “I found my sister.”

“Lady Savannah?” The news clearly came from left field for Bertrand. It was very obviously not something he’d expected to hear, especially right now. He cleared his throat, composing himself. “That’s splendid news. She is well, yes?”

“Like you’d care.” The rage was rolling off him in waves, and just kept building. As I frantically tried to think of a way to diffuse the situation, one annoying part of my mind couldn’t stop thinking about how sexy he was when he was angry. Hot damn.

“We all do.” Bertrand’s face became stern. Well, more stern than was normal for Bertrand, who was always stern. “Her disappearance was quite a mystery.”

“She told me everything that happened between you two.” Drake stepped up so his face was mere inches from Bertrand’s. I don’t think I’d ever seen Bertrand more intimidated.

“I…” Bertrand started, cowering and stepping away from Drake.

“She was in love with you! How could you let her leave with her heart broken?” Drake yelled. Well, not yelled. It was somewhere between a growl and a shout. I really needed to diffuse the situation before Drake did something he would regret.

“I tried to reach her, but she disappeared from everyone, including me.” Bertrand said, pained. My own expression softened a bit at the genuine dismay on his face.

“Not everyone. Maxwell knew.” Drake said with a sneer.

“He… what?” Bertrand gasped, his head whipping around to look at Maxwell, who was looking highly uncomfortable at this point, and trying to sneak away.

“I… uhh.” Maxwell was not often at a loss for words, but if there was ever an occasion, this was it.

“Maxwell Percival Beaumont. Tell me this man is lying.” It was Maxwell’s turn to cower as Bertrand stared at him with such severity, it seemed that Maxwell might simply be disintegrated.

“Er… Well…”

“Maxwell actually had the heart to support her, which is more than you ever did.” Drake said with derision.

“How?” Bertrand demanded.

“You know my ‘excessive spending habits’? Well, I’d send most of it to her.” Maxwell said uncomfortably, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as though trying to decide if he could made a successful break for the door.

“I knew it! You didn’t really purchase a dozen peacocks!” Bertrand howled in anger. I looked at the rest of the nobles and saw that Liam was leading them to the other side of the bar. I silently thanked him. This whole scene would be a huge embarrassment for House Beaumont, and the less the noblemen heard, the better. Of course, with people howling and shouting, it wouldn’t matter all that much how far they went. Unless they left the speakeasy completely, they’d still be able to hear, but it was the thought that counted.

“Well, the peacocks really did happen, but that was a one-time thing.” Maxwell said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck with one hand. “Everything else was made up. The jet skis, the expensive wine… I’d hide the cash in our study until it was time to send it off.”

“Now you know where that extra money was going.” Drake said, sneering once more.

“I didn’t know she was in distress… what happened?” The anger had melted off of Bertrand, replaced with concern.

“I don’t know,” Drake’s voice rose in volume again. “Maybe she needed help raising your kid!”

“A… A child…?” Bertrand looked as though he’d been hit in the face with a planet. “When did…? Savannah… was pregnant?” The information processed, and the guilt and pain of what he’d just heard overrode everything else. “I didn’t know. You have to believe me. I didn’t know.”

“Savannah told me you gave a nice long speech about how you two could never be together.” Drake’s temper seemed to be reaching a fever pitch. First the Bastien situation, and then the utterly horrible luck of having this confrontation immediately after.

“You don’t understand… The last time I saw her… What I said…” Bertrand couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence. “She misunderstood.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit!” That had broken it. Drake grabbed Bertrand by the collar of his shirt. Despite the darker side of me that found this side of Drake incredibly attractive, I was going to need to step it before this came to actual blows.

“Unhand me!” Bertrand shouted, grabbing Drake’s wrist and trying to yank his shirt free.

“You broke my sister’s heart!” Drake was clearly seeing red. He wasn’t thinking about what he was doing, he was only reacting without logical thought. “You nobles think you can just play with us commoners and throw us away when you’re done.” He hissed the words through a clenched jaw. “Well, this time, you’re going to have to answer for it!”

Drake’s hand clenched and he cocked it back to punch Bertrand. I stepped forward to grab Drake’s arm when Maxwell burst out, “Stop!” He jumped in front of Bertrand.

“Get out of the way!” Drake shouted, and I used Maxwell’s intervention as the opening I needed for my own.

“Guys,” I said loudly. “Is this what Savannah would want?” I asked, unsure of how I felt about the situation myself, but fairly certain that Savannah wouldn’t appreciate this one bit. “All of you fighting each other?”

My voice seemed to break Drake out of his rage. He didn’t say anything, but I could see the moment when he came back and was Drake again, rather than the rage monster.

“No…” Maxwell said, hanging his head. Bastien took the opportunity to step between Drake and Maxwell now that the actual danger was past.

“That’s enough. All of you out.” Bastien said harshly.

“Thank you, Bastien. It’s about time you restored order here.” Bertrand said, visibly shaken as he attempted to straighten his collar. He looked at Drake in triumph.

“Including you.” Bastien said, his voice low.

“What? I’ve done nothing wrong.” Bertrand said, affronted.

“This incident has already caused enough of a disturbance. Do you really need to embarrass yourselves further in front of half the court?” Bastien said, his voice dripping with disdain. I was surprised at first, but not after a moment to think on it, that Bastien was also angry at Bertrand. That made sense with how close he’d been to Savannah and Drake. The bombshell had just been dropped on him as well as Bertrand.

“I…” Bertrand looked angry for a moment, then gave up. “No. Come, Maxwell. We’re leaving.”

“I’ll, uh, catch up with you guys later.” Maxwell said helplessly, then he turned to follow his brother out the door.

“Come on, let’s go.” Drake said, the shame practically radiating from him. Drake and I left the speakeasy and walked back to the limo in silence.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bastien, why you gotta be like that? So mad. D=

Bertrand... I don’t even know. You are so emotionally inept.

#TRR #TheRoyalRomance #The Royal Romance #Choices #Spoiler #Spoilers #Drake #Bastien #Maxwell #MC #Bertrand #Book 2 #Angst #Fanfiction #WTFBastien #Angry Drake

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