#ange fallen to paradise

[its-to-the-death]

Battle of the Gingers Wave 1 Preliminary Round #46

Whoever gets the most votes moves onto the next round

[animatronicthing]

🎙️ ;; # ANGELIMORVID ;;⠀『⠀ ANGELI- MORVID⠀ 』 .

A gender related to being an unholy , fallen angel. A corrupted saint whose hands are covered with blood & sin, & that now roams through the earth. It may come with great feeling of desolation , missing the holy paradise it once belonged to , but still has that same morbid desire of doing wrongful & impure things that got it excluded from heaven. ,.

🪽⠀REQUESTED BY ; NO ONE !! . Coined by Freddy . ⋯

⠀ ⏕ tagging @accessmogai for image ID . @laylalita , @dollgirlsmind for the sillies ,, .

[ PT: Angelimorvid. Angeli- morvid.

A gender related to being an unholy, fallen angel. A corrupted saint whose hands are covered with blood & sin, & that now roams through the earth. It may come with great feeling of desolation, missing the holy paradise it once belonged to, but still have that same morbid desire of doing wrongful & impure things that got it excluded from heaven.

Requested by no one. Coined by Freddy.

Tagging: @/accessmogai for image ID. @/laylalita, @/dollgirlsmind for the sillies. END PT. ]

[kilfeur]

Comme je l'ai dit il est possible qu'Emily puisse devenir un ange déchu mais pas par Charlie mais par Alastor. Mais ce que je me rends compte c'est que Sera est un contraste mais partage aussi des similitudes avec Lucifer. Le fait que Sera est consciente de la sécurité du paradis mais cache des choses à Emily. Comparé à Lucifer qui est ignorant de ce qui se passe en enfer mais souhaite sincèrement renouer avec sa fille mais s'y prend mal. Tandis que Sera veut couver Emily dans l'ignorance pour éviter justement qu'elle se pose des questions. Alors que Lucifer finit par pousser Charlie dans son projet et voit qu'elle est bien plus forte qu'elle en a l'air.

Bien qu'il y a la possibilité qu'Emily finisse par être dégoûtée du paradis par elle même s'arrachant ses propres ailes ce qui serait assez symbolique en soit.

As I said it's possible that Emily could become a fallen angel but not by Charlie but by Alastor. But what I realize is that Sera is a contrast but also shares similarities with Lucifer. The fact that Sera is aware of the safety of paradise but hides things from Emily. Compared to Lucifer, who is ignorant of what goes on in hell but sincerely wants to reconnect with his daughter but goes about it the wrong way. Sera, on the other hand, wants to keep Emily in ignorance so that she doesn't start to wonder. While Lucifer ends up pushing Charlie into her project and sees that she's much stronger than she looks.

Although there is the possibility that Emily will end up disgusted with paradise all by herself, plucking her own wings, which would be quite symbolic in itself.

[boo-cool-robot]

Everything I Watched This Year

I have watched the most movies this year of my life, which is still so few that I can fit them all into one tumblr post, so here they are in approximately chronological order (along with TV shows). I almost exclusively watch visual media with other people, and they're often the ones picking. Favorites get an asterisk (*), and this does not include rewatches.

*Fallen Angels (Wong Kar-Wai): Five loosely connected lonely people chase imagined versions of each other around the Hong Kong nightscape. I didn't go into a plotless arthouse film expecting it to be extremely funny, but it is. He Zhiwu (my new tumblr icon!) deserves to be up there among the deranged autistic blorbos of all time.

What We Do in the Shadows (Showrun by Paul Simms and Stefani Robinson) [First half of S4]: If you're on tumblr you probably know the premise already. I was disappointed that after S3, which felt like a build to huge shifts in the characters and status quo, S4 felt like a walkback. Don't remember much else about it other than crying laughing at the sequence where they try to get baby Colin Robinson into private school.

Brokeback Mountain (Ang Lee): Everyone knows what this movie is already. It's well-made and solid, but it wasn't anything that exciting for me. I expected it to be more striking. Love the 70s home production design in that one scene though, and that kiss truly is good.

*Velvet Goldmine (Todd Haynes): A reporter tracks down the truth of a rock star gay affair that sparked his own queer coming of age. Dreamy, gorgeous, and I could not describe the plot scene to scene if you paid me. Just a really lovely film to experience for me, someone who had latent and unnamed transgay feelings as a teenager about the concept of "emo boys kissing."

Phantom of the Paradise (Brian De Palma): Phantom of the Opera-inspired drama about a songwriter getting revenge on the predatory producer that ruined his life. Total delight of a campy melodrama.

Kamikaze Girls (Tetsuya Nakashima): A delinquent and fashion-obsessed scam artist strike up a lesbian-tinged unlikely friendship. This movie is bananas. Way more stylistically experimental than I'd expected--there's a sequence of the protagonist's birth, people just float offscreen sometimes, the townspeople constantly turn to the camera and advertise for the megamart they buy all their clothes from, etc. A really really surprisingly fun watch.

*Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (Hiroshi Kobayashi and Ryō Andō) [First 6 episodes only]: Optimistic young pilot of a war machine that she may have an illegal psionic connection with goes to space high school and is promptly drawn into political plotting via accidentally getting gay engaged to a corporate heiress. Highly enjoyed the parts of it I saw - great action sequences, fun character drama, and just enough political substance. Not as weird as Utena, which it's inspired by, but can be brutal where necessary. I should watch more!

*In the Mood for Love (Wong Kar Wai): Two Shanghainese emigrants in Hong Kong discover their spouses are cheating and embark on a tragic affair of their own. God, this movie deserves every bit of praise it gets. I gasped out loud multiple times at the gorgeousness of shot compositions. Top notch acting, gorgeous colors. This tends to be a movie pitched as being about a repressed love affair, but it's also a movie about the positionality about being middle class colonial subjects and the relationships they have with the world. This gave me so much to chew on after I watched it.

Happy Together (Wong Kar-Wai): Two Hong Kong expats living in Argentina have a toxic gay relationship trapped in a tiny apartment. This one felt very opaque to me, and it is allegedly an allegory for Hong Kong being returned to Chinese rule after British colonialism, which I absolutely do not have enough background to really get. Wong is a great director though, and I constantly think about the sequence of the main character seeing the abusive ex walk into the club, beat while he finishes his drink, and then he breaks his bottle off and goes in to screams.

Bound (The Wachowskis): A lesbian handyman falls for a woman married to an abusive mobster that they plot to rob. The first 45 minutes were very enjoyable as a lesbian heist film. Unfortunately, once the gunshots started the torture scenes became so stressful for me to watch that I sweated through my shirt. (I also had Covid).

[lunamagicablu]

“Non godrai del mondo nel modo giusto finché non saprai vedere come un granello di sabbia mostri il potere e la sapienza di Dio e finché non apprezzerai in tutte le cose il servizio che esse ti fanno manifestando la Sua gloria e la Sua bontà alla tua anima […]. Il tuo godimento del mondo non sarà mai giusto finché […] non guarderai i cieli, la terra e l’aria come gioie celestiali, avendo una reverente stima per tutto ciò, come se tu fossi tra gli angeli. […] Non godrai mai in modo giusto del mondo finché il mare stesso non scorrerà nelle tue vene, finché non ti sentirai vestito con i cieli e incoronato con le stelle, e finché non concepirai te stesso come il solo erede del mondo intero, e finché non penserai che ogni altro uomo è un erede come te. […] Finché il tuo spirito non si riempirà del mondo intero e le stelle non saranno i tuoi gioielli; […] finché non avrai intimamente conosciuto quell’oscuro nulla da cui il mondo è venuto […]: non potrai mai godere del mondo. Finché non imparerai a sentire qualcosa di più della tua privata condizione e finché non sarai più presente nel mondo, considerandone tutte le glorie e le bellezze, che nella tua stessa casa; finché non ti ricorderai come sei stato fatto di recente e come è stato meraviglioso quando sei entrato nel tempo; e finché non ti rallegrerai nel palazzo della tua gloria come se esso fosse stato fatto soltanto questa mattina. […] Il mondo è uno specchio d’infinita bellezza, ma gli uomini non lo vedono. È un tempio di maestà, ma gli uomini non lo guardano. È una regione di luce e di pace, ma gli uomini lo turbano. È il Paradiso di Dio. E lo è più per l’uomo caduto di quanto lo fosse prima. È la sede degli angeli e la porta del Cielo” (Thomas Traherne) art by cosmistory777 ******************************* “You will never enjoy the world rightly until you can see how a grain of sand displays the power and wisdom of God, and until you appreciate in all things the service they do you by manifesting His glory and goodness to your soul […]. Your enjoyment of the world will never be right until […] you look upon the heavens, the earth, and the air as celestial joys, having a reverent esteem for all, as if you were among the angels. […] You will never enjoy the world rightly until the sea itself flows through your veins, until you feel yourself clothed with the heavens and crowned with the stars, and until you conceive yourself as the sole heir of the whole world, and until you think that every other man is an heir like yourself. […] Until your spirit is filled with the whole world, and the stars are your jewels; […] until you have intimately known that dark nothingness from which the world came […]: you will never enjoy the world. Until you learn to feel more than your own private condition, and until you are no more present in the world, considering all its glories and beauties, than in your own house; until you remember how lately you were made, and how wonderful it was when you entered into time; and until you rejoice in the palace of your glory as if it had been made but this morning. […] The world is a mirror of infinite beauty, but men see it not. It is a temple of majesty, but men look upon it not. It is a region of light and peace, but men trouble it. It is the Paradise of God. And more so to fallen man than it was before. It is the seat of angels, and the gate of Heaven” (Thomas Traherne) art by cosmistory777 

[guildwarsgirl]

GW1: My lore for Shiro and the Tagachi family (Part 7):

Inside Minister Cho's estate, Lilly and Togo battled their way through the grounds, cutting down guards, servants and menagerie animals, all who had been infected with this mysterious illness.

They arrived to find Minister Cho deep within the estate, only to discover that he too, had been infected. He moaned in pain, and then fell to the ground, dead.

But, that wasn't the end of the poor minister. A low growl that sounded almost guttural alerted the party to his corpse, as it mutated into a hideous monster and attacked them.

They were forced to put down the poor minister, as Togo said a prayer over his fallen friend, asking the Envoys to escort to the gates of Everlasting Paradise. The party was then alerted to the sound of crying, as a young child had been hiding in the inner chamber. Guardsman Zui's lost son who they had been tasked to find.

Togo comforted the boy, asking him what caused him to cry. The young lad explained a dream he had. "The wind blew the leaves from the trees, and the animals in the zoo all became scared. The animals. They were . . . they were always very tame, but something in my dream made them angry. And they started hurting everyone. Then the people got angry too, and they started to hurt each other. Minister Cho . . . he was the most angry of all, and . . . and he turned into a big angry monster."

Upon confirming that the boy was indeed Zui's son, Togo offered to escort him back to his father, while tasking Lilly to meet with Ang the Ephemeral and discuss what they had found at the estate.

Upon talking with Ang, Lilly met up with Togo's fiancée, Aida Mingyu, an elementalist of a minor Kurzick house. Despite not looking like your traditional Kurzick, with her darker skin and shock of white hair, Aida is indeed a full blooded Kurzick.

The duo traveled across Shing Jea island, hoping to track down something to figure out what was causing this affliction. Their search led them to a temple on the island known as Zen Daijun, where they would meet up with Master Togo.

This concludes Part 7.

[webtoon-related-tournaments]

Ange was submitted without propaganda

Aileen:

Classic isekaied girl who doesn't want to marry a bloodthirsty tyrant and goes about the worst way to secure that ending.

[coldinfluencerbeliever]

Not quite the full on arranged marriage scenario, but this one is pretty good. Dude ain't acting like her prison keeper for sure.

re: marriage of convenience -- Isn't there the potential for the man to be doing it respectfully or out of friendship for the woman, rather than straight-up seeing her as a plaything or trophy? In 90-100% of the contexts in which i see the trope used, the "convenience" isn't the marriage itself -- that's a necessity, either for political or socioeconomic reasons -- but that this particular person is volunteering to do it, for their family/country, so the other person doesn't have to marry a stranger/unsuitable person, because they're the best option in this scenario, etc.

There's something about the power/social dynamic of involuntary marriage that's so intrinsically biased in favor of the male that you have to actively correct for it if you want me to ever think "oh poor him, he's really taking one for the team and feels just as out of place as the woman in this relationship."

Take the situation of a King who "has to" marry a foreign princess in order to create peace or whatever. Say what you want about him being forced into it by circumstance, he is still very much the instigator of the whole thing and the situation is very much under his control and he's enjoying a much greater degree of power and autonomy than his new wife. At worst he is burdened with the responsibility of financially providing for an expensive woman. He doesn't have to fear for his safety.

Every involuntary marriage trope I've ever seen has the woman struggling to see some cold man who has tons of power over her as human, while he is just trying to get past the inherent awkwardness of basically being her prison keeper. Will we ever have a story like this that doesn't have the faint background threat of possible rape hovering in the background?

[c-nightwish]

Siamo tutti angeli caduti, precipitati nel nostro inferno personale da un paradiso fatto di false speranze.

@c-nightwish

[lady-divine-writes]

The Prince of the Sea and his Child of Fire - Chapter 6/15 (Rated NC17)

Summary: Blaine is a water sprite, prince of the undersea kingdom and sole heir to the throne. Five days away from turning seventeen and his big coronation, he decides to take a journey to the surface, to seek out a legendary flame said to be tended by an evil witch. Instead of a witch, he finds something else entirely ...

Kurt is a fire fairy, prince of a race of fire fairies and heir to the throne. Five days away from turning seventeen (on the night of a full solar eclipse when he will transform and become king), he sees for the first time in his life a water sprite - a member of a race that he's been raised to hate.

What will happen when these two mortal enemies fall in love? Is there any way for them to escape destiny and be together?

Read on AO3.

Chapter 6

The sun rises, the sky turns gold, and Kurt can’t stop smiling.

There’s a new spring in his dance, a new song in his heart, and the flame – glowing in shades of champagne and primrose – has never looked happier.

Elizabeth smiles as she steals a moment to watch her son dance, relieved that he seems so much more joyful and carefree. Kurt tosses his flowers into the flame and the fire rises high into the sky, mirroring his joy, bending and swaying with him as he leaps into the air. Elizabeth drops down onto the branch, giggling delightedly at the giddy expression on her son’s grinning face.

It makes her feel young again.

“That’s a lovely song, my son,” she comments. “Is it new?”

Kurt stops twirling and immediately bows, so lost in his memories of Blaine that he had lost track of the rising sun and the imminent arrival of his mother.

“New song? What?” Kurt hadn’t been intentionally singing a different tune, but as his thoughts drifted to Blaine’s kisses, he couldn’t help himself. “Yes! It’s something I’ve been trying! Something new … uh … for the fire!”

Elizabeth watches her son’s eyes dart guiltily away, his cheeks color, his upper lip quiver … and she knows.

A mother always knows.

“And does … the fire like it?” Elizabeth asks, gathering up flowers from the meadow nearby. She can’t help noticing the petals that litter the pool, set adrift through the night, floating and swirling in formation like tiny boats.

“Y-yes.” Kurt tosses his last handful of petals into the flame. “V-very much so, I think. But it’s not a complete song yet. Just a few strains. I’m not even sure that I’ll keep it, to tell you the truth.”

“A-ha.” His mother throws her first batch of flowers into the fire, watching the colors change from the intense turquoise Kurt had managed to cull to a more sedate sky blue. “That’s a love song that you are singing.”

“Is … is it?” Kurt looks from his mother’s perceptive eyes to the petals floating in the water. “To tell you the truth, I-I hadn’t really noticed.”

Elizabeth leaves the flame to devour the remainder of the flowers and walks over to her son. She peers over his shoulder, the reflection of her face joining his, framed by the petals all around.

“Sweetheart, you’re going to become king in three days,” she says, combing his hair back into place with her fingers. “Right now is not a good time for you to fall in love.”

Kurt’s mind wanders, back to thoughts of his night with Blaine, and he swallows a sob.

“Will there ever be a good time?” he asks, looking past his reflection and far beyond the pool, out to the open ocean.

Kurt hears his mother sigh behind him. He folds his arms over his chest, raising his hands to cover hers where they rest on his shoulders.

“No, my darling,” she says, resting her forehead against his temple, wishing she could use her powers to rid him of his pain. “It will never be a good time. So whoever it is … I suggest you forget about them.”

***

Blaine emerges from the forest of kelp – exposed, vulnerable, out of his depth and miles beyond the borders of his kingdom. The kelp forest is farther than he has ever traveled alone, but he doesn’t have to go too much farther before he spots the animal he’s come for.

Sue.

An ancient sea turtle and one of the oldest living creatures beneath the sea.

A recluse, she spends most of her time terrorizing errant water sprites who wander too far from the castle and grazes in the jellyfish fields far beyond the boundaries of where it is deemed safe for any sprite to go … especially one of royal blood.

Blaine watches her list from side to side, her massive flippers pushing the water around her. He swims up behind her, keeping an eye out for other fish, especially jellyfish, who might look to capture him – or eat him. There’s not much use for political prisoners out here in the deep, this much he knows for certain.

He’s nearly upon her when she spins around unexpectedly, locking him in the gaze of her large, round, coal-black eyes – eyes full of experience and intelligence, but not an inch of compassion. She stares at him impatiently, every line of her face creasing in vexation at his presence as she lazily chews a jellyfish, the poor thing wrenching its translucent body back and forth in an effort to escape her bite.

“Now why would you try a stupid thing like sneaking up on me?” she mutters, mouth full.

Blaine remembers from numerous etiquette lessons that sea turtles like to be flattered, spoken to with an extraordinary measure of respect worthy of their incredible age. (And, according to his teacher, he should overdo it to be on the safe side.) Blaine bows low in her sight and, humbling himself, begins to speak.

“Oh, great and wise sea turtle, revered queen of the open ocean, guardian of …”

“Cut the crap!” the turtle gripes, spitting out the struggling jellyfish. It aligns its torn body with the current, preparing to escape, but Sue sucks it back into her grotesque maw, clamping down on it with her jaws. “Just skip to the end where you tell me what the hell you want! I’m eating here, and looking at your ugly mug gives me indigestion.”

Blaine frowns, but bites his tongue quickly to keep from saying anything that will make her angry.

“I want to know, wise turtle, if there is any way a fire fairy can visit my father’s kingdom beneath the sea?”

The turtle narrows her eyes at him but continues chewing, mouth slightly open, the mangled jellyfish making a last ditch effort to break free. Suddenly, Blaine feels sick. Sue sees him turn several shades of green and gulps down the squiggling remains of her lunch.

“Don’t feel sorry for him, Your Highness,” Sue says with a smirk. “Stupid brainless things, jellyfish. Can’t make a single decision for themselves. That’s why they’re so easy to catch.” She takes one last huge swallow to force it down, then belches in Blaine’s face. He raises his hands and covers his mouth to keep from losing his stomach. “Now, why would you want to bring one of those flitty little porcelain playthings down here to paradise with us?”

“I have my reasons,” Blaine says, undeterred by her sarcasm.

Sue watches the sprite closely and for an uncomfortably long time before she speaks again.

“You’ve fallen in love with one of them, haven’t you?” Sue laughs, nimbly spinning onto her back and then righting herself again. “Oh for heaven’s sake! Your father’s going to have field day if he ever finds out!” she proclaims with a cruel glimmer in her eyes.

“He’s not going to find out,” Blaine says, his voice changing from respectful to clear warning. She glares at him, challenging the young prince’s authority, but seeing his determination, she shrugs her front flippers, deciding that defying him is not worth her time.

 “Well, be that as it may, there is nowhere beneath the water a fire fairy will be safe, so you might as well forget your silly notions about bringing one down here,” she grumbles, turning her prodigious body around and preparing to leave.

“I have seen hot things beneath the ocean before,” Blaine argues, “so there has to be a way.”

“Oh have you, young prince?” Sue asks with a wicked chuckle. “And what happens to fire that is brought beneath the sea? Hmm?”

“It … uh …” Blaine stops, seeing her point before she makes it, but she’s not about to let it die there.

“I’ll tell you,” she cuts in. “It turns cold, it turns black, and then it dies. You know that this is true. And anything you come up with to protect your fairy will only prolong the inevitable.” Sue shakes her huge head. “But if you don’t believe me, go ahead and bring your fairy down here. Watch it turn blue and cold and freeze to death. Watch the light in its eyes go out.” The turtle swims up to him, stopping nose to nose. Blaine can see his face reflecting back at him in her shiny black eyes - not a safe place to be. “You know, death for a fire fairy under the ocean is slow and excruciatingly painful. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. And I loathe pretty much everybody!”

Blaine imagines Kurt beneath the ocean – his pale skin turning unnaturally blue, his vibrant eyes going dark, the last breath in his body turning into bubbles and floating away with the tide.

“Do you really want my advice, Prince Blaine?”

“Yes,” Blaine says, willing to do anything, cut a deal with anyone, to find a way for him and Kurt to be together. “Please.”

“Forget about your fire fairy,” she says, sounding not the least bit apologetic. “You are going to become king of all the oceans. So why don’t you start by growing up?”

Blaine’s heart sinks, hard and fast. It must show on his face. With a smile of satisfaction on her fat, green lips, the turtle turns and leaves the prince in her wake, paralyzed by her words.

 ***

Twilight falls with the undersea kingdom in an uproar when Blaine returns. Guards pour out of the castle, dressed for battle and armed to the teeth, heading in all directions. Amid the chaos of soldiers deploying, Trent manages to find the prince and drag him over to a secluded wall.

“Blaine! Where have you been!?” he asks, tremendously relieved. “Your father has been asking all over for you!”

“What the hell’s going on here?” Blaine asks, the excitement - and subsequent anguish - of his recent excursion overshadowed by the current chaotic activity.

“There’s been another jellyfish attack! When I couldn’t find you, knowing where you’ve been going, I feared the worse!”

“Where was the attack? Is anybody hurt?”

“The king doesn’t have that information yet. But it was a small colony over by the outer kelp forest.”

Blaine stares at Trent with confused eyes. “Did you say the outer kelp forest?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I just came from there!” Blaine exclaims, ignoring the re-emerging look of hurt on Trent’s face. “There was no attack! The king’s intel is wrong! Who gave him this information?”

“I don’t know.” Trent hurries along the wall as Blaine heads inside the castle. “But from what I hear, it’s a reliable source.”

“No, it isn’t!” Blaine rushes with Trent in tow towards his father’s throne room. “It’s a set-up!”

The castle feels hollow, abandoned with the bulk of its inhabitants amassing outside and guarding the gates. Blaine can hear generals barking orders, preparing to send sprites by the hundreds to the kelp forests.

To start a war with no just cause.

Without even knowing it, Blaine returned just in time.

Blaine races down the hall and bursts through the ornate double doors of the king’s throne room, where his father sits, staring out the window, watching sprites gather from all over to protect their kingdom.

“Father,” Blaine announces himself, bowing to the king.

“And here comes my disgraceful son … at long last,” Malek scowls, wide yellow eyes staring at the still ocean. “To what do I owe the displeasure of your company?”

“Father!” Blaine pushes Malek’s insults aside for the good of their kingdom. “You have to call the troops back!”

“Why should I do that?” Malek asks, shifting his huge tentacles on the floor and re-locating to a different window.

“Because whatever information you have is wrong! I have a feeling that our kingdom is being set up. Why, I don’t know. But someone is intent on starting a war, and they’re using you to do it!”

Malek sits quietly, barely moving as his eyes follow the lines of soldiers in the courtyard.

“And why should I listen to you?” Malek asks, the room echoing with the resonance of his voice. “Even if what you say is the truth, you have shown yourself to be spoiled, disobedient, unworthy.”

“Father,” Blaine says, standing firm before his king, “I beg you to listen to me! What I say to you is the truth!”

Malek doesn’t comment on his son’s pleas, moving back again to the first window, his eyes fixed on his ever-growing army of sprites..

Blaine looks to Trent, who nods at him encouragingly. Hell or high water, he has to do what’s right - consequences be damned.

“I have just come from the kelp forest, Great King,” Blaine admits. “There is no army there. There’s been no attack. I swear this to you.”

Malek sighs his discontent. “Tell me, Blaine, why were you in the kelp forest to begin with? Your present duties did not require you to travel to those reaches of our kingdom.”

Blaine stares at his father, the truth dangling from his lips. “I … I … can’t tell you why, Father.”

Malek’s eyes burn with frustration and rage. “What!?” he roars to shake the entire palace. Trent drops to his knees with his hands over his ears.

“It was personal business of my own,” Blaine says, the closest thing to the truth that he can bring himself to admit. “Be angry with me if you want, but Father, you are making a mistake! You’ve been played! Someone is using you to start a war, but it doesn’t need to be that way! Call back your troops now!” Malek bares sharp, black teeth at his son. Blaine gets down on his knees before his father. “Please! We can put an end to this! Don’t be a pawn! Don’t be part of this slaughter! You want me to be a good king, and I’m trying to be! Listen to me! For once, listen to me!”

Malek’s expression doesn’t change. His tentacles coil into knots like fists; some of them pound the floor.

“If you are as loyal to this kingdom as you say,” Malek sneers, “then prove it! Go outside, stand a post, and defend this castle!”

Blaine glances out the window at the fading light crawling up toward the surface with a single thought in his mind.

Kurt.

“But …”

“Stand a post! Defend this castle, and then you might regain some of my trust!” Those are Malek’s final words on the matter. He leaves the hall, disregarding his son as he sweeps by, nearly knocking him to the ground.

The throne room goes still after his father’s departure, and quiet as a tomb, the heavy walls blocking the thump, thump, thump of battle drums marking time outside. Trent nudges Blaine on the shoulder. Blaine turns to him, hoping that, even after Blaine tore into him, he’ll have words of comfort for him. Of support. Of wisdom.

But Trent says nothing.

He hands Blaine a trident – a weapon reserved for royalty.

Grimly, Blaine takes it. He has no other choice. He twirls it once in his hand, setting the base on the floor with a heavy thunk. Trent smiles, giving Blaine an approving pat on the back, glad to see his prince taking charge, fighting for his kingdom.

Back where he belongs.

Blaine gazes out the window in the direction of the cove and the forbidden waters that would take him to Kurt.

The waters he yearns to swim right now.

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” he says, watching the daylight disappear into the waves, then blink out of sight. “I’m so sorry.”

 ***

Kurt can’t hide his excitement as he rushes to the cove, eager to see Blaine again. He’d listened to what his mother said and had given it a fair amount of thought throughout the day, but he decided in the end that he doesn’t care. They still have a few days left till the eclipse. If that’s all they are given, then Kurt will take it.

Besides, he understands full well what this is between them. It’s love. And love thrives. It endures. Maybe if they put their heads together, they will be able to find a way to make this last beyond their coronations.

Beyond the inevitable.

Of course, there will be plenty of putting their heads together if Blaine kisses him again.

Kurt is surprised when he reaches the cove and Blaine isn’t there, hiding in the weeds, waiting for him to arrive like he had the night before, but Kurt isn’t discouraged. He sings his new song as he dances around the flame, adorning the water with petals, weaving the flowers into his own hair, hoping that somewhere beneath the water his music will reach Blaine, wherever he is, and lure him to the surface.

But it doesn’t.

Twilight turns into dusk, then dusk becomes dawn.

And Blaine does not return.

[moviereviewstation]

The Movie List

Hi all, 

As promised, here’s the list. Once a movie has been reviewed, I’ll turn the movie into a link to the review on this list. Any movie we can’t find will be marked with a cross through. There were double ups in the categories, movies being listed twice, so I’ve only let them be in the first category they show up in (Hence why there isn’t 100 movies in the fourth category). The list is below: 

1. GENRE 

Action-Aventure

The Mark of Zorro (Fred Niblo, 1920)

The Adventures of Robin Hood (Michael Curtiz and William Keighley, 1938)

The Seven Samurai (Akira Kurosawa, 1954)

Top Gun (Tony Scott, 1986)

Lethal Weapon (Richard Donner, 1987)

Thelma and Louise (Ridley Scott, 1991)

Mission: Impossible (Brian De Palma, 1996)

Kill Bill: Volume 1 (Quentin Tarantino, 2003)

Animation

Steamboat Willie (Ub Iwerks, 1928)

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (David Hand and William Cottrell, 1937)

Pinocchio (Ben Sharpsteen and Hamilton Luske, 1940)

Yellow Submarine (George Dunning, 1968)

Akira (Katsuhiro Otomo, 1988)

Toy Story (John Lasseter, 1995)

Spirited Away (Hayat Miyazaki, 2001)

Belleville Rendez-vous (Sylvain Chomet, 2003)

Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (Steve Box and Nick Park, 2005)

Wall-E (Andrew Stanton, 2008)

Up (Pete Docter and Bob Peterson, 2009)

How To Train Your Dragon (Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois, 2010)

Avante-Garde

L’Inhumaine (Marcel L’Herbier, 1924)

Un Chien Andalou (Luis Bunuel, 1929)

L’Age d’Or (Luis Bunuel, 1930)

Biopic

Young Mr. Lincoln (John Ford, 1939)

Gandhi (Richard Attenborough, 1982)

A Beautiful Mind (Ron Howard, 2001)

The Aviator (Martin Scorsese, 2004)

Ray (Taylor Hackford, 2004)

The Last King of Scotland (Kevin Macdonald, 2006)

Milk (Gus Van Sant, 2008)

Comedy

The General (Clyde Bruckman and Buster Keaton, 1927)

Duck Soup (Leo McCarey, 1933)

His Girl Friday (Howard Hawks, 1940)

The Ladykillers (Alexander Mackendrick, 1955)

The Pink Panther (Blake Edwards, 1963)

Annie Hall (Woody Allen, 1977)

Airplane! (Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker, 1980)

Four Weddings and a Funeral (Mike Newell, 1994)

The Full Monty (Peter Cattaneo, 1997)

Meet the Parents (Jay Roach, 2000)

Bridget Jone’s Diary (Sharon Maguire, 2001)

The Devil Wears Prada (David Frankel, 2006)

Costume Drama

Jezebel (William Wyler, 1938)

Les Enfants du Paradis (Marcel Carne, 1945)

Senso (Luchino Visconti, 1954)

Barry Lyndon (Stanley Kubrick, 1975)

Dangerous Liaisons (Stephen Frears, 1988)

Howards End (James Ivory, 1992)

Sense and Sensibility (Ang Lee, 1995)

Bright Star (Jane Campion, 2009)

Cult

Plan 9 from Outer Space (Edward D. Wood, 1958)

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (Russ Meyer, 1965)

Pink Flamingos (John Waters, 1972)

The Wicker Man (Robin Hardy, 1973)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Jim Sharman, 1975)

Withnail and I (Bruce Robinson, 1987)

Fight Club (David Finch, 1999)

Disaster

Airport (George Seaton, 1970)

The Poseidon Adventure (Ronald Neame, 1972)

The Towering Inferno (John Guillermin, 1974)

Independence Day (Roland Emmerich, 1996)

Titanic (James Cameron, 1997)

Documentary

Man with a Movie Camera (Dziga Vertov, 1929)

Night and Fog (Alain Resnais, 1955)

Don’t Look Back (D.A. Pennebaker, 1967)

The Sorrow and the Pity (Marcel Ophuls, 1969)

Bowling for Columbine (Michael Moore, 2002)

Capturing the Friedmans (Andrew Jarecki, 2003)

The Story of the Weeping Camel (Byambasuren, Dava and Luigi Falorini, 2003)

March of the Penguins (Luc Jacquet, 2005)

An Inconvenient Truth (Davis Guggenheim, 2006)

Epic

The Birth of a Nation (D.W. Griffith, 1915)

Alexander Nevsky (Sergei M. Eisenstein and Dmitri Vasilyev, 1938)

The Robe (Henry Koster, 1953)

The Ten Commandments (Cecil B. DeMille, 1956)

Ben-Hur (William Wyler, 1959)

Spartacus (Stanley Kubrick, 1960)

Doctor Zhivago (David Lean, 1965)

Gladiator (Ridley Scott, 2000)

Kingdom of Heaven (Ridley Scott, 2005)

Film Noir

Double Indemnity (Billy Wilder, 1944)

Fallen Angel (Otto Preminger, 1945)

The Big Sleep (Howard Hawks, 1946)

Kiss Me Deadly (Robert Aldrich, 1955)

Touch of Evil (Orson Welles, 1958)

Chinatown (Roman Polanski, 1974)

L.A. Confidential (Curtis Hanson, 1997)

Sin City (Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez, 2005)

Gangster

Little Caesar (Mervyn Leroy, 1931)

Public Enemy (William Wellman, 1931)

Angels with Dirty Faces (Michael Curtiz, 1938)

Bonnie and Clyde (Arthur Penn, 1967)

The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola, 1972)

GoodFellas (Martin Scorsese, 1990)

Pulp Fiction (Quentin Tarantino, 1994)

Snatch (Guy Ritchie, 2000)

Gangs of New York (Martin Scorsese, 2002)

Road to Perdition (Sam Mendes, 2002)

Horror

Nosferatu (F.W. Murnau, 1922)

The Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale, 1935)

Cat People (Jacques Tourneur, 1942)

The Night of the Living Dead (George A. Romero, 1968)

The Exorcist (William Friedkin, 1973)

Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978)

Ring (Hideo Nakata, 1998)

The Blair Witch Project (Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez, 1999)

Martial Arts

Fists of Fury (Wei Lo, 1971)

The Chinese Connection (Wei Lo, 1972)

Enter the Dragon (Robert Clouse, 1973)

The Karate Kid (John G. Avildsen, 1984)

Once Upon a Time in China (Tsui Hark, 1991)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Ang Lee, 2000)

Hero (Zhang Yimou, 2002)

Melodrama

Imitation of Life (John M. Stahl, 1934)

Stella Dallas (King Vidor, 1937)

Now, Voyager (Irving Rapper, 1942)

Mildred Pierce (Michael Curtiz, 1945)

Brief Encounter (David Lean, 1945)

The Life of Oharu (Kenji Mizoguchi, 1952)

Musical

Le Million (Rene Clair, 1931)

42nd Street (Lloyd Bacon, 1933)

The Merry Widow (Ernst Lubitsch, 1934)

Top Hat (Mark Sandrich, 1935)

Meet Me in St. Louis (Vincente Minnelli, 1944)

Singin’ in the Rain (Gene Kelly and Stanley Donen, 1952)

Gigi (Vincente Minnelli, 1958)

West Side Story (Robert Wise and Jerome Robbins, 1961)

Cabaret (Bob Fosse, 1972)

Grease (Randal Kleiser, 1978)

Dirty Dancing (Emile Ardolina, 1987)

Moulin Rouge! (Baz Luhrmann, 2001)

Hairspray (Adam Shankman, 2007)

Propaganda

The Triumph of the Will (Leni Riefenstahl, 1935)

The Plow that Broke the Plains (Pare Lorentz, 1936)

Der Fuehrer’s Face (Jack Kinney, 1943)

Science Fiction and Fantasy

Metropolis (Fritz Lang, 1927)

The Wizard of Oz (Victor Fleming, 1939)

The Time Machine (George Pal, 1960)

2001: A Space Odyssey (Stanley Kubrick, 1968)

Solaris (Andrei Tarkovsky, 1972)

Star Wars (George Lucas, 1977)

The Matrix (Larry and Andy Wachowski, 1999)

Avatar (James Cameron, 2009)

Inception (Christopher Nolan, 2010)

Serial

The Perils of Pauline (Louis Gasnier, 1914)

Flash Gordon (Frederick Stephani, 1936)

The Lone Ranger (John English and William Witney, 1938)

Series

Charlie Chan (Various, 1931-49)

Don Camillo (Various, 1951-65)

Zatoichi (Various, 1962-2003)

The Lord of the Rings (Peter Jackson, 2001-03)

Harry Potter (Various, 2001-11)

The Chronicles of Narnia (Various, 2005-)

Teens

Rebel Without a Cause (Nicholas Ray, 1955)

American Graffiti (George Lucas, 1973)

The Breakfast Club (John Hughes, 1985)

Mean Girls (Mark Waters, 2004)

Thriller

The Third Man (Carol Reed, 1949)

Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960)

The Silence of the Lambs (Jonathan Demme, 1991)

The Constant Gardener (Fernando Meirelles, 2005)

The Girl Who Played with Fire (Daniel Alfredson, 2009)

Underground

Meshes of the Afternoon (Maya Deren, 1943)

Wavelength (Michael Snow, 1967)

Flesh (Paul Morrissey, 1968)

War

J’Accuse (Abel Gance, 1919)

Paths of Glory (Stanley Kubrick, 1957)

Apocalypse Now (Francis Ford Coppola, 1979)

Das Boot (Wolfgang Peterson, 1981)

Full Metal Jacket (Stanley Kubrick, 1987)

Saving Private Ryan (Steven Spielberg, 1998)

No Man’s Land (Danis Tanovic, 2001)

The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow, 2008)

Western

Stagecoach (John Ford, 1939)

The Man from Laramie (Anthony Mann, 1955)

The Searchers (John Ford, 1956)

The Magnificent Seven (John Sturges, 1960)

The Man who Shot Liberty Valance (John Ford, 1962)

The Wild Bunch (Sam Peckinpah, 1969)

Once Upon a Time in the West (Sergio Leone, 1968)

Unforgiven (Clint Eastwood, 1992)

True Grit (Joel and Ethan Coen, 2010)

2. WORLD FILM

Africa

The Money Order (Ousmane Sembene, Senegal, 1968)

The Night of Counting the Years (Shadi Abdelsalam, Egypt, 1969)

Xala (Ousmane Sembene, Senegal, 1975)

Chronicle of the Burning Years (Mohammed Lakhdar-Hamina, Algeria, 1975)

Alexandria… Why? (Youssef Chahine, Egypt, 1978)

Man of Ashes (Nouri Bouzid, Tunisia, 1986)

Yeelen (Souleymane Cisse, Mali, 1987)

The Silences of the Palace (Moufida Tlatli, Tunisia, 1994)

Waiting for Happiness (Abderrahmane Sissako, Mauritania, 2002)

The Middle East

Divine Intervention (Elia Suleiman, Palestine, 2002)

The Syrian Bride (Eran Riklis, Palestine, 2004)

Thirst (Tawfik Abu Wael, Palestine, 2004)

Paradise Now (Hand Abu-Assad, Palestine, 2005)

Iran

The Cow (Dariush Mehrjui, 1968)

The White Balloon (Jafar Panahi, 1995)

Taste of Cherry (Abbas Kiarostami, 1997)

The Children of Heaven (Majid Majidi, 1997)

Blackboards (Samira Makmalbaf, 2000)

The Day I Became a Woman (Marzieh Meshkini, 2000)

Secret Ballot (Babek Payami, 2001)

Kandahar (Mohsen Makmalbaf, 2001)

Turtles Can Fly (Bahman Ghobadi, 2004)

Eastern Europe

Knife in the Water (Roman Polanski, Poland, 1962)

The Shop on the High Street (Jan Kadar, Czechoslovakia, 1965)

The Round-Up (Miklos Jansco, Hungary, 1965)

Loves of a Blonde (Milos Foreman, Czechoslovakia, 1965)

Daisies (Vera Chytilova, Czechoslovakia, 1966)

Closely Observed Trains (Jiri Menzel, Czechoslovakia, 1966)

Man of Marble (Andrzej Wajda, Poland, 1976)

The Three Colours trilogy (Krzysztof Kieslowski, Poland, 1993-94)

Divided We Fall (Jan Hrebejk, Czech Republic, 2000)

The Turin Horse (Bela Tarr, Hungary, 2011)

The Balkans

A Matter of Dignity (Michael Cacoyannis, Greece, 1957)

I Even Met Happy Gypsies (Aleksandar Petrovic, Yugoslavia, 1967)

The Goat Horn (Metodi Andonov, Bulgaria, 1972)

Yol (Yilmaz Güney and Serif Goren, Turkey, 1982)

Underground (Emir Kusturica, Yugoslavia, 1995)

Eternity and a Day (Theo Angelopoulos, Greece, 1998)

Uzak (Nuri Bilge Ceylan, Turkey, 2002)

The Death of Mr. Lazarescu (Cristi Puiu, Romania, 2005)

4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days (Cristian Mungiu, Romania, 2007)

Russia

The Battleship Potemkin (Sergei Eisenstein, 1925)

Storm Over Asia (Vsevolod Pudovkin, 1928)

Earth (Alexander Dovzhenko, 1930)

Ivan the Terrible Parts I and II (Sergei Eisenstein, 1944/58)

The Cranes are Flying (Mikhail Kalatozov, 1957)

Ballad of a Soldier (Grigori Chukhrai, 1959)

The Colour of Pomegranates (Sergei Parajanov, 1969)

Come and See (Elem Klimov, 1985)

Russian Ark (Aleksandr Sokurov, 2002)

The Nordic Countries

The Phantom Carriage (Victor Sjostrom, Sweden, 1921)

Day of Wrath (Carl Dreyer, Denmark, 1943)

Persona (Ingmar Bergman, Sweden, 1966)

Babette’s Feast (Gabriel Axel, Denmark, 1987)

Festen (Thomas Vinterberg, Denmark, 1998)

Songs from the Second Floor (Roy Andersson, Sweden, 2000)

O’Horten (Bent Hamer, Norway, 2007)

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Niels Arden Oplev, Sweden/Denmark/Germany/Norway, 2009)

Germany

The Last Laugh (F.W. Murnau, 1924)

Pandora’s Box (G.W. Pabst, 1929)

The Blue Angel (Josef von Sternberg, 1930)

M (Fritz Lang, 1931)

The Bridge (Bernhard Wicki, 1959)

Kings of the Road (Wim Wenders, 1976)

The Marriage of Maria Braun (Rainer Werner Fassbinder, 1978)

The Tin Drum (Volker Schlöndorff, 1979)

Run Lola Run (Tom Tykwer, 1998)

France

Napoleon (Abel Gance, 1927)

L’Atalante (Jean Vigo, 1934)

La Grande Illusion (Jean Renoir, 1937)

Le Jour se Leve (Marcel Carne, 1939)

Diary of a Country Priest (Robert Bresson, 1951)

Hiroshima Mon Amour (Alain Resnais, 1959)

Jules et Jim (Francois Truffaut, 1962)

Weekend (Jean-Luc Godard, 1967)

La Haine (Mathieu Kassovitz, 1995)

The Taste of Other (Agnes Jaoui, 2000)

The Class (Laurent Cantet, 2008)

A Prophet (Jacques Audiard, 2009)

Of Gods and Men (Xavier Beauvois, 2010)

Italy

The Flowers of St. Francis (Roberto Rossellini, 1950)

Umberto D. (Vittorio De Sica, 1952)

La Notte (Michelangelo Antonioni, 1961)

The Leopard (Luchino Visconti, 1963)

The Gospel According to St. Matthew (Pier Paolo Pasolini, 1964)

Amarcord (Federico Fellini, 1973)

1900 (Bernardo Bertolucci, 1976)

Cinema Pardiso (Giuseppe Tornatore, 1988)

Il Postino (Michael Radford, 1994)

The Best of Youth (Marco Tullio Giordana, 2003)

Gomorrah (Matteo Garrone, 2008)

Vincere (Marco Bellocchio, 2009)

United Kingdom

The Lady Vanishes (Alfred Hitchcock, 1938)

Odd Man Out (Carol Reed, 1947)

Black Narcissus (Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger, 1947)

Whiskey Galore (Alexander Mackendrick, 1949)

The Servant (Joseph Losey, 1963)

If… (Lindsay Anderson, 1968)

Local Hero (Bill Forsyth, 1983)

Brazil (Terry Gilliam, 1985)

Billy Elliot (Stephen Daldry, 2000)

Touching the Void (Kevin Macdonald, 2003)

The King’s Speech (Tom Hooper, 2010)

Spain

Welcome Mr. Marshall! (Luis Garcia Berlanga, 1953)

Death of a Cyclist (Juan Antonio Bardem, 1955)

Viridiana (Luis Bunuel, 1961)

The Spirit of the Beehive (Victor Erice, 1973)

Cria Cuervos (Carlos Saura, 1976)

Tierra (Julio Medem, 1996)

Talk to Her (Pedro Almodovar, 2002)

The Sea Inside (Alejandro Amenabar, 2004)

Portugal

Hard Times (Joao Botelho, 19880

Abraham’s Valley (Manoel de Oliveira, 1993)

God’s comedy (Joao Cesar Monteiro, 1995)

River of Gold (Paulo Rocha, 1998)

O Delfim (Fernando Lopes, 2002)

Canada

My Uncle Antoine (Claude Jutra, 1971)

The True Nature of Bernadette (Gilles Carles, 1972)

The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz (Ted Kotcheff, 1974)

The Decline of the American Empire (Denys Arcand, 1986)

I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing (Patricia Rozema, 1987)

Dead Ringers (David Cronenberg, 1988)

Jesus of Montreal (Denys Arcand, 1989)

Exotica (Atom Egoyan, 1994)

The Sweet Hereafter (Atom Egoyan, 1997)

The Barbarian Invasions (Denys Arcand, 2003)

Twist (Jacob Tierney, 2003)

Central America

Maria Candelaria (Emilio Fernandez, Mexico, 1944)

La Perla (Emilio Fernandez, Mexico, 1947)

Los Olvidados (Luis Bunuel, Mexico, 1950)

I am Cuba (Mikhail Kalatozov, Soviet Union/Cuba, 1964)

Memories of Underdevelopment (Tomas Gutierrez Area, Cuba, 1968)

Lucia (Humberto Solas, Cuba, 1968)

Like Water for Chocolate (Alfonso Area, Mexico, 1992)

Amores Perros (Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu, Mexico, 2000)

Y Tu Mama También (Alfonso Cuaron, Mexico, 2001)

Pan’s Labyrinth (Guillermo del Toro, Mexico, 2006)

South America

The Hand in the Trap (Leopoldo Torre Nilsson, Argentina, 1961)

Barren Lives (Nelson Pereira dos Santos, Brazil, 1963)

Antonio das Mortes (Glauber Rocha, Brazil, 1969)

The Hour of the Furnaces (Fernando Solanas and Octavio Getino, Argentina, 1970)

The Battle of Chile (Patricio Guzman, Chile, 1975/79)

The Official Story (Luis Puenzo, Argentina, 1985)

Central Station (Walter Salles, Brazil, 1998)

City of God (Fernando Meirelles, Brazil, 2002)

The Secret in Their Eyes (Juan Jose Campanella, Argentina, 2010)

China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan

Two Stage Sisters (Xie Jin, China, 1965)

A Touch of Zen (King Hu, Taiwan, 1969)

The Way of the Dragon (Bruce Lee, Hong Kong, 1972)

Yellow Earth (Chen Kaige, China, 1984)

City of Sadness (Hsiou-Hsein Hou, Taiwan, 1989)

Ju Dou (Zhang Yimou and Yang Fengliang, Japan/China, 1990)

Raise the Red Lantern (Zhang Yimou, China, 1991)

Yi Yi (Edward Yang, Taiwan, 2000)

Still Life (Jia Zhang Ke, China, 2006)

Korea

The Day a Pig Fell into the Well (Hong Sang-Soo, 1996)

Shiri (Kang Je-Gyu, 1999)

Chihwaseon (Im Kwon-Taek, 2002)

The Way Home (Lee Jong-Hyang, 2002)

Oasis (Lee Chang-dong, 2002)

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter… and Spring (Kim Ki-Duk, 2003)

Secret Sunshine (Lee Chang-Dong, 2007)

Japan

Equinox Flower (Yasujiro Ozu, 1958)

An Actor’s Revenge (Kon Ichikawa, 1963)

Boy (Nagisa Oshima, 1969)

Vengeance is Mine (Shohei Imamura, 1979)

Hana-Bi (Takeshi Kitano, 1997)

After Life (Hirokazu Koreeda, 1998)

Still Walking (Hirokazu Koreeda, 2008)

Catepillar (Koji Wakamatsu, 2010)

India

Devdas (Bimal Roy, 1955)

Rather Panchali (Satyajit Ray, 1955)

Mother India (Mehboob Khan, 1957)

Charulata (Satyajit Ray, 1964)

Bhuvan Shome (Mrinal Sen, 1969)

Sholay (Ramesh Sippy, 1975)

Nayagan (Mani Ratnam, 1987)

Salaam Bombay! (Mira Nair, 1988)

Bandit Queen (Shekhar Kapur, 1994)

Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (Aditya Chopra, 1995)

Kannathil Muthamittal (Mani Ratnam, 2002)

Shwaas (Sandeep Sawant, 2004)

Harishchandrachi Factory (Paresh Mokashi, 2009)

People Live (Anusha Rizvi, 2010)

Australia and New Zealand

Picnic at the Hanging Rock (Peter Weir, Australia, 1975)

The Getting of Wisdom (Bruce Beresford, Australia, 1977)

Newsfront (Phillip Noyce, Australia, 1978)

My Brilliant Career (Gillian Armstrong, Australia, 1979)

Mad Max (George Millar, Australia, 1979)

Crocodile Dundee (Peter Faiman, Australia, 1986)

An Angel at My Table (Jane Campion, New Zealand, 1990)

Heavenly Creatures (Peter Jackson, New Zealand, 1994)

Happy Feet (George Millar, Australia, 2006)

Australia (Bax Luhrmann, Australia, 2008)

3. DIRECTORS

Woody Allen

Sleeper (1973)

Love and Death (1976)

Manhattan (1979)

Broadway Danny Rose (1984)

The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)

Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

Husbands and Wives (1992)

Match Point (2005)

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

Pedro Almodovar

What Have I Done to Deserve This (1984)

Law of Desire (1987)

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988)

High Heels (1991)

All About My Mother (1999)

Bad Education (2004)

Volver (2006)

Robert Altman

M*A*S*H* (1970)

McCabe and Mrs. Miller (1971)

Nashville (1975)

The Player (1992)

Short Cuts (1993)

Gosford Park (2001)

A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

Theo Angelopoulos

The Traveling Players (1975)

Landscape in the Mist (1988)

The Weeping Meadow (2004)

Michelangelo Antonioni

L’Avventua (1960)

L’Eclisse (1962)

Il Deserto Rosso (1964)

Blow-Up (1966)

The Passenger (1975)

Ingmar Bergman

Summer Interlude (1951)

Smiles of a Summer Night (1955)

The Seventh Seal (1957)

Wild Strawberries (1957)

The Face (1958)

Cries and Whispers (1972)

Autumn Sonata (1978)

Fanny and Alexander (1982)

Bernardo Bertolucci

Before the Revolution (1964)

The Conformist (1970)

Last Tango in Paris (1972)

The Last Emporero (1987)

The Dreamers (2003)

Luc Besson

The Big Blue (1988)

Nikita (1990)

Leon (1995)

The Fifth Element (1997)

Robert Bresson

Ladies of the Park (1945)

A Man Escaped (1956)

Balthazar (1966)

L’Argent (1983)

Tod Browning

The Unholy Three (1925)

The Blackbird (1926)

The Unknown (1927)

West of Zanzibar (1928)

Dracula (1931)

Freaks (1932)

The Devil-Doll (1936)

Luis Bunuel

An Andalusian Dog (1929)

Age of Gold (1930)

The Young and the Damned (1950)

Nazarin (1958)

The Exterminating Angel (1962)

Diary of a Chambermaid (1964)

Belle de Jour (1967)

Tristana (1970)

The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972)

Frank Capra

Platinum Blonde (1931)

The Bitter Tea of General Yen (1933)

Lady for a Day (1933)

It Happened One Night (1934)

Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936)

You Can’t Take It with You (1938)

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Marcel Carne

Bizarre Bizarre (1937)

Port of Shadows (1938)

The Devil’s Envoys (1942)

John Cassavetes

Shadows (1959)

Faces (1968)

Minnie and Maskowitz (1971)

Gloria (1980)

Claude Chabrol

The Cousins (1959)

The Good Time Girls (1960)

The Unfaithful Wife (1969)

The Hatter’s Ghost (1982)

The Ceremony (1995)

Nightcap (2000)

Charlie Chaplin

The Kid (1921)

A Woman of Paris (1923)

The Gold Rush (1925)

The Circus (1928)

City Lights (1931)

Modern Times (1936)

The Great Dictator (1940)

Rene Clair

The Italian Straw Hat (1928)

Under the Roofs of Paris (1930)

The Million (1931)

Freedom for Us (1931)

The Last Billionaire (1934)

The Ghost Goes West (1935)

It Happened Tomorrow (1944)

Night Beauties (1952)

Summer Manoeuvres (1955)

Henri-Geoges Clouzot

The Raven (1943)

Quay of the Goldsmiths (1947)

The Wages of Fear (1953)

Diabolique (1955)

The Picasso Mystery (1956)

Jean Cocteau

The Blood of a Poet (1930)

Beauty and the Beast (1946)

Orpheus (1950)

The Testament of Orpheus (1960)

Joel and Ethan Coen

Blood Simple (1984)

Raising Arizona (1987)

Barton Fink (1991)

Fargo (1996)

The Big Lebowski (1998)

No Country for Old Men (2007)

A Serious Man (2009)

Francis Ford Coppola

The Conversation

The Outsiders

Tucker: The Man and His Dreams

George Cukor

Dinner at Eight (1933)

Little Women (1933)

Sylvia Scarlett (1935)

David Copperfield (1935)

Camille (1936)

Holiday (1938)

The Women (1939)

The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Adam’s Rib (1949)

A Star is Born (1954)

My Fair Lady (1964)

Michael Curtiz

Kid Galahad (19370

Casablanca (1942)

Cecil B. DeMille

The Cheat (1915)

The Ten Commandments (1923)

Cleopatra (1934)

The Plainsman (1936)

Union Pacific (1939)

Reap with Wild Wind (1942)

Unconquered (1947)

Samson and Delilah (1949)

The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)

Vittorio De Sica

Shoeshine (1946)

Bicycle Thieves (1948)

Miracle in Milan (1951)

Two Women (1960)

The Garden of the Finzi-Continis (1970)

Carl Dreyer

Master of the House (1925)

The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)

The Vampire (1932)

The Word (1955)

Gertrud (1964)

Clint Eastwood

Play Misty for Me

The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

Bird (1988)

Mystic River (2003)

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Flags of Our Fathers (2006)

Letters From Iwo Jima (2006)

Invictus (2009)

Sergei Eisenstein

Strike (1924)

October (1927)

The General Line (1928)

Rainer Werner Fassbinder

The Merchant of Four Seasons (1971)

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972)

Fear Eats the Soul (19740

Effi Briest (1974)

Fox (1975)

Mother Kusters’ Trip to Heaven (1975)

In aYear of 13 Moons (1978)

Lola (1981)

Veronika Voss (1982)

Federico Fellini

I Vitelloni (1953)

La Strada (1954)

La Dolce Vita (1960)

8 1/2 (1963)

Juiletta of the Spirits (1945)

Roma (1972)

Fellini’s Casanova (1976)

Robert J. Flaherty

Nanook of the North (1922)

Moana (1926)

Man of Aran (1934)

Louisianna Story (1948)

John Ford

The Grapes of Wrath (1940)

Fort Apache (1948)

Milos Forman

The Firemen’s Ball (1967)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

Amadeus (1984)

Man on the Moon (1999)

Abel Gance

The Tenth Symphony (1918)

The Wheel (1923)

The Life and Loves of Beethoven (1936)

Jean-Luc Godard

Breathless (1960)

My Life to Live (1962)

Contempt (1963)

Band of Outsiders (1964)

Alphaville (1965)

Two or Three Things I Know About Her (1967)

New Wave (1990)

In Praise of Love (2001)

Our Music (2004)

D.W. Griffith

Intolerance (1916)

True Heart Susie (1919)

Broken Blossoms (1919)

Way Down East (1920)

Orphans of the Storm (1921)

Howard Hanks

Scarface (1932)

Twentieth Century (1934)

Bringing Up Baby (1938)

Only Angels Have Wings (1939)

To Have and Have Not (1944)

Red River (1948)

Rio Bravo (1959)

Werner Herzog

Signs of Life (1967)

Fata Morgana (1971)

Aguirre, Wrath of God (1972)

Enigma of Kasper Hauser (1974)

Fitzcarraldo (1982)

My Best Friend (1999)

Grizzly Man (2005)

Encounters at the End of the World (2007)

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (2009)

Alfred Hitchcock

The 39 Steps (1935)

Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

Strangers on a Train (1951)

Rear Window (1954)

Vertigo (1958)

North by Northwest (1959)

The Birds (1963)

Marnie (1964)

John Huston

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)

Key Largo (1948)

The Asphalt Jungle (1950)

The African Queen (1951)

Beat the Devil (1953)

The Misfits (1961)

Reflections in a Golden Eye (1967)

Fat City (1972)

The Dead (1987)

Miklos Jancso

My Way Home (1965)

The Red and the White (1968)

The Confrontation (1969)

Agnus Dei (1971)

Red Psalm (1972)

Beloved Electra (1974)

Elia Kazan

A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)

On the Waterfront (1954)

East of Eden (1955)

A Face in the Crowd (1957)

Wild River (1960)

Splendor in the Grass (1961)

Abbas Kiarostami

Where is the Friend’s Home? (1987)

And Life Goes On… (1992)

Through the Olive Trees (1994)

The Wind Will Carry Us (1999)

Ten (2002)

Krzysztof Kieslowski

- Blind Chance (1981)

- A Short Film About Killing (1988)

- A Short Film About Love (1988)

- The Double Life of Veronique (1991)

Stanley Kubrick

Lolita (1962)

Dr. Strangelove (1964)

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Akira Kurosawa

Rashomon (1950)

To Live (1952)

Throne of Blood (1957)

The Hidden Fortress (1958)

The Bodyguard (1961)

Sanjuro (1962)

Dersu Uzala (1975)

Kagemusha (1980)

Ran (1985)

Fritz Lang

Dr. Mabuse: The Gambler (1922)

Fury (1936)

Hangmen Also Die! (1943)

The Woman in the Window (1944)

Scarlet Street (1945)

Clash by Night (1952)

The Big Heat (1953)

Human Desire (1954)

David Lean

In Which We Serve (1942)

Great Expectations (1946)

Oliver Twist (1948)

Hobson’s Choice (1954)

The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

A Passage to India (1984)

Spike Lee

She’s Gotta Have It (1986)

Do the Right Thing (1989)

Jungle Fever (1991)

Malcolm X (1992)

Crooklyn (1994)

Clockers (1995)

Ernst Lubitsch

Trouble in Paradise (1932)

Design for Living (1933)

Desire (1936)

Angel (1937)

Ninotchka (1939)

The Shop Around the Corner (1940)

To Be or Not to Be (1942)

David Lynch

Eraserhead (1977)

The Elephant Man (1980)

Blue Velvet (1986)

Twin Peaks (1992)

The Straight Story (1999)

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Louis Malle

The Lovers (1958)

Murmur of the Heart (1971)

Lacombe Lucien (1974)

Pretty Baby (1978)

Atlantic City (1980)

Au Revoir Les Enfants (1987)

Joseph L. Mankiewicz

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)

A Letter to Three Wives (1949)

All About Eve (1950)

5 Fingers (1952)

Julius Caesar (1953)

The Barefoot Contessa (1954)

Guys and Dolls (1955)

Suddenly, Last Summer (1959)

Leo McCarey

Ruggles of Red Gap (1935)

Make Way for Tomorrow (1937)

The Awful Truth (1937)

Love Affair (1939)

Going My Way (1944)

The Bells of St. Mary’s (1945)

An Affair to Remember (1957)

Jean-Pierre Melville

The Strange Ones (1950)

Bob the Gambler (1956)

Doulos: The Finger Man (1962)

Magnet of Doom (1963)

Second Breath (1966)

The Samurai (1967)

Army of Shadows (1969)

Vincente Minnelli

The Pirate (1948)

An American in Paris (1951)

The Bad and the Beautiful (1953)

The Band Wagon (1953)

Lust for Life (1956)

Some Came Running (1959)

Kenji Mizoguchi

Osaka Elegy (1936)

Sister of the Gion (1936)

The Story of the Last Chrysanthemums (1939)

Utamaro and his Five Women (1946)

Ugetsu Monogatari (1953)

Sansho the Bailiff (1954)

Street of Shame (1956)

F.W. Murnau

Faust (1926)

Sunrise (1927)

Tabu (1931)

Manoel de Oliveira

Aniki Bobo (1942)

Doomed Love (1979)

Francisca (1981)

The Cannibals (1988)

The Convent (1995)

I’m Going Home (2001)

A Talking Picture (2003)

O Estranho Caso de Angelica (2010)

Max Ophuls

Leiberlei (1933)

Mayerling to Sarajevo (1940)

Letter from an Unknown Woman (1948)

La Ronde (1950)

House of Pleasure (1952)

Madame de… (1953)

Lola Montes (1955)

Nagisa Oshima

The Sun’s Burial (1960)

Death by Hanging (1968)

Diary of Shinjuku Thief (1969)

The Ceremony (1971)

In the Realm of the Sense (1976)

Empire of Passion (1978)

Taboo (1999)

Yasujiro Ozu

Record of a Tenement Gentleman (1947)

Late Spring (1949)

Early Summer (1951)

Tokyo Story (1953)

Early Spring (1956)

Good Morning (1959)

Late Autumn (1960)

The End of Summer (1961)

An Autumn Afternoon (1962)

Georg Wilhelm Pabst

The Love of Jeanne Ney (1927)

Diary of a Lost Girl (1929)

The Threepenny Opera (1931)

Comradeship (1931)

Sergei Parajanov

The Stone Flower (1962)

Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors (1964)

Ashik Kerib (1988)

Pier Paolo Pasolini

Accatone (1961)

Oedipus Rex (1967)

Theorem (1968)

The Decameron (1971)

The Canterbury Tales (1972)

The Arabian Nights (1974)

Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

Sam Peckinpah

Ride the High Country (1962)

Major Dundee (1965)

The Ballad of Cable Hogue (1970)

Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (1973)

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)

Roman Polanski

Repulsion (1965)

Cul-de-Sac (1965)

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

The Tenant (1976)

The Pianist (2002)

The Ghost Writer (2010)

Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger

The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp (1943)

A Canterbury Tale (1944)

I Know Where I’m Going (1945)

A Matter of Life and Death (1946)

The Red Shoes (1948)

The Small Back Room (1948)

The Tales of Hoffman (1951)

Otto Preminger

Laura (1944)

Daisy Kenyon (1947)

The Man with the Golden Arm (1955)

Anatomy of a Murder (1959)

Exodus (1960)

Advise and Consent (1962)

Vsevolod Pudovkin

Mother (1926)

The End of St. Petersburg (1927)

Nicholas Ray

They Live By Night (1949)

In a Lonely Place (1950)

Johnny Guitar (1954)

Bigger Than Life (1956)

Wind Across the Everglades (1958)

Satyajit Ray

Pather Panchali (1955)

The Unvanquished (1956)

The Music Room (1959)

The World of Apu (1959)

The Big City (1964)

The Lonely Wife (1964)

Days and Nights in the Forest (1970)

Distant Thunder (1973)

The Middleman (1976)

The Chess Players (1977)

Jean Renoir

Boudu Saved from Drowning (1932)

The Crime of Monsieur Lange (1936)

Grand Illusion (1937)

The Human Beast (1938)

The Rulers of the Game (1939)

The Southerner (1945)

The Golden Coach (1952)

French Can-Can (1954)

Elena and Her Men (1956)

Alain Resnais

Last Year at Marienbad (1961)

Muriel (1963)

The War is Over (1966)

Stavisky (1974)

Providence (1977)

Same Old Song (1997)

Les Herbes Folles (2009)

Jacques Rivette

Paris Belongs to Us (1961)

The Nun (1966)

Mad Love (1969)

Celine and Julie Go Boating (1974)

La Belle Noiseuse (1991)

Jeanne la Pucelle I - Les Batailles (1994)

Va Savior (2001)

The Duchess of Langeais (2007)

Eric Rohmer

My Night at Maud’s (1969)

Claire’s Knee (1970)

The Aviator’s Wife (1981)

Pauline at the Beach (1983)

The Green Ray (1986)

A Tale of Springtime (1990)

A Tale of Winter (1992)

A Summer’s Tale (1996)

An Autumn Tale (1998)

Les Amours d’astres et de Celadon (2007)

Roberto Rossellini

Rome, Open City (1945)

Paisan (1946)

Germany Year Zero (1948)

Stromboli (1950)

The Greatest Love (1952)

Voyage to Italy (1953)

General della Rovere (1959)

The Rise of Louis XIV (1966)

Martin Scorsese

Mean Streets (1973)

Taxi Driver (1976)

New York, New York (1977)

Raging Bull (1980)

After Hours (1985)

The Colour of Money (1986)

The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

The Age of Innocence (1993)

The Departed (2006)

Shutter Island (2010)

Ousmane Sembene

God of Thunder (1971)

The Camp of Thiaroye (1989)

Moolaade (2004)

Douglas Sirk

Has Anybody Seen My Gal? (1952)

Take Me to Town (1953)

All I Desire (1953)

Magnificent Obsession (1954)

All That Heaven Allows (1955)

Written on the Wind (1956)

The Tarnished Angels (1957)

Imitation of Life (1959)

Steven Spielberg

Jaws (1975)

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

Jurassic Park (1993)

Schindler’s List (1993)

Munich (2005)

Indiana Jones (2008)

Josef von Sternberg

Morocco (1930)

Dishonored (1931)

Shanghai Express (1932)

Blonde Venus (1932)

The Scarlet Express (1934)

The Devil is a Woman (1935)

The Saga of Anatahan (1953)

Erich von Sternheim

Blind Husbands (1919)

Foolish Wives (1922)

Greed (1924)

The Merry Widow (1925)

The Wedding March (1928)

Queen Kelly (1929)

Preston Sturges

The Lady Eve (1941)

Sullivan’s Travels (1941)

The Palm Beach Story (1942)

The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek (1944)

Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Andrei Tarkovsky

Ivan’s Childhood (1962)

Andrei Rublev (1966)

The Mirror (1975)

Stalker (1979)

The Sacrifice (1986)

Jacques Tati

Jour de fete (1949)

Mr. Hulot’s Holiday (1953)

Mon Oncle (1958)

Playtime (1967)

Lars von Trier

Epidemic (1987)

Europa (1991)

Breaking the Waves (1996)

The Idiots (1998)

Dancer in the Dark (2000)

Dogville (2003)

Antichrist (2009)

François Truffaut

The 400 Blows (1959)

Shoot the Piano Player (1960)

Fahrenheit 451 (1966)

The Bride Wore Black (1968)

The Wild Child (1970)

Bed & Board (1970)

Day for Night (1973)

The Green Room (1978)

Agnes Varda

Cleo from 5 to 7 (1962)

Happiness (1965)

One Sings, the Other Doesn’t (1977)

Vagabond (1985)

Jacquot da Nantes (1991)

The Gleaners & I (2000)

Les plagues d’Agnes (2008)

King Vidor

The Big Parade (1925)

The Crowd (1928)

Hallelujah! (1929)

The Champ (1931)

Our Daily Bread (1934)

Duel in the Sun (1946)

The Fountainhead (1949)

War and Peace (1956)

Jean Vigo

A Propos de Nice (1930)

Zero for Conduct (1933)

Luchino Visconti

Ossessione (1942)

La Terra Trema (1948)

Rocco and his Brothers (1960)

Death in Venice (1971)

Andrzej Wajda

A Generation (1954)

Canal (1957)

Ashes and Diamonds (1958)

Innocent Sorcerers (1960)

Siberian Lady Macbeth (1961)

Landscape After Battle (1970)

Man of Iron (1981)

Danton (1983)

Katyn (2007)

Tatarak (2009)

Orson Welles

Citizen Kane (1941)

The Magnificent Ambesons (1942)

The Lady from Shanghai (1947)

Macbeth (1948)

Othello (1952)

Confidential Report (1955)

Chimes at Midnight (1965)

William Wellman

Wings (1927)

Wild Boys of the Road (1933)

The Call of the Wind (1935)

Nothing Sacred (1937)

Beau Geste (1939)

Roxie Hart (1942)

The Ox-Bow Incident (1943)

The Story of G.I. Joe (1945)

The High and the Mighty (1954)

Wim Wenders

Alice in the Cities (1973)

The American Friend (1977)

Paris, Texas (1984)

Wings of Desire (1987)

Buena Vista Social Club (1999)

Don’t Come Knocking (2005)

James Whale

Frankenstein (1931)

The Old Dark Horse (1932)

The Invisible Man (1933)

Show Boat (1936)

Billy Wilder

The Major and the Minor

The Lost Weekend (1945)

Sunset Boulevard (1950)

Ace in the Hole (1951)

Stalag 17 (1953)

Some Like It Hot (1959)

The Apartment (1960)

One, Two, Three (1961)

Wong Kar Wai

Ashes of Time (1994)

Chungking Express (1994)

Fallen Angels (1995)

Happy Together (1997)

In the Mood for Love (2000)

2046 (2004)

My Blueberry Nights (2007)

William Wyler

The Little Foxes (1941)

Mrs. Miniver (1942)

The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)

Roman Holiday (1953)

Friendly Persuasion (1956)

The Big Country (1958)

Funny Girl (1968)

4. TOP 100 MOVIES

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Robert Wiene, 1920)

All Quiet on the Western Front (Lewis Milestone, 1930)

King Kong (Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1933)

A Star is Born (William A. Wellman, 1937)

Olympia (Lena Reifenstahl, 1938)

The Rules of the Game (Jean Renoir, 1939)

Gone with the Wind (Victor Fleming, 1939)

Passport to Pimlico (Henry Cornelius, 1949)

Panther Panchali (Satyajit Ray, 1955)

The Night of the Hunter (Charles Laughton, 1955)

Saturday Night and Sunday Morning (Karel Reisz, 1960)

Lawrence of Arabia (David Lean, 1962)

The Sound of Music (Robert Wise, 1965)

The Battle of Algiers (Gillo Pontecorvo, 1966)

The Chelsea Girls (Andy Warhol and Paul Morrissey, 1966)

Easy Rider (Dennis Hopper, 1969)

The Deer Hunter (Michael Cimino, 1978)

Blade Runner (Ridley Scott, 1982)

Heimat (Edgar Reitz, 1984/1992/2004)

Shoah (Claude Lanzmann, 1985)

A Room with a View (James Ivory, 1985)

Reservoir Dogs (Quentin Tarantino, 1992)

Traffic (Steven Soderbergh, 2000)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Michel Gondry, 2004)

[schadenfreudefreude-blog]

This is what youth and adolescence feels like

There are beautiful, wonderful, tender memories from childhood I could put in this story; my childhood loves and my pleasant life in gentle, loving surroundings filled with light. But I am interested here only in the steps I have taken in my life to arrive at myself. I will leave in the glowing distance all the lovely oases, blessed isles, and paradises whose magic I experienced; I have no desire to set foot in them again.

And so, for as long as I stay with my girlhood years, I will speak of only the things that felt new, that pushed me onward, broke me loose.

Then came the years when I had to recognize once again the primal attraction within me, one that had to cower and hide in the permitted world of light. Like everyone else, I too experienced my slowly awakening sexual feelings as an enemy and a destroyer, as something forbidden, as temptation and sin. The great mystery of puberty, which I was desperately curious to solve and which gave rise to dreams, lust, and fear, did not fit at all in the sheltered bliss of my peaceful childhood world. So I did what everyone does: I led the double life of a child who is no longer a child. My conscious life was lived in the familiar space of what was allowed, and denied the world rising like a new dawn to me. At the same time though, my life was lived in dreams, urges, longings of subterranean kind across which my consciousness built ever more anxious and fearful bridges as the childhood world within me fell apart. Like almost all parents, mine did nothing to help the life forces awakening within me, which were never spoken about when I turned thirteen and I got the first guy who courted me and I ghosted because I'm so afraid and innocent and then while I was one of the cheerleaders of the cheerleading squad, there's this musician volleyball player Senior Captain guy who became my first boyfriend for six months and broke up with me in Yahoo Messenger because we were in a long distance relationship and I'm not fulfilling the girlfriend duties enough or maybe he found someone else in Manila. After that, I only involved myself to feel attraction through having crushes and I never had a boyfriend after that year and in my college years. My mother strictly taught me when I was fourteen to only give it to the man I'll marry in the future; my future husband should be the first one to get it. And until now, I still obeyed it and I'm still choosing to wait for the right time and the right person. My parents only tried, endlessly and untiringly, to help me in my hopeless efforts to deny reality and stay in a child's world that grew more and more false and unreal everyday. I do not know if parents can do anything else, and I am not criticizing mine in particular. It was up to me to finish growing up and find my own way; I did it badly, like most well-raised children.

Everyone passes through these difficulties. For the average person, this is the moment when the demands of his life come into the starkest conflict with his environment, when he has to fight the hardest to make his way farther along his path. Many people experience the death and rebirth that is the destiny of us all only this once, as childhood rots from within and slowly disintegrates, as everything we have grown to love abandons us, and we suddenly feel the solitude and deathly cold of the universe around us. And very many people remain stuck at this hurdle their whole life long, desperately hanging on to the irretrievable past and clinging to the dream of a paradise lost, the worst and most deadly of all dreams.

The sensations and mental images with which the end of childhood proclaimed itself in me are not worth telling here. The important thing was that the dark world, the other world, was back. At the same time, the other world outside me was gaining more and more power over me, too.

When vacation was over before college, I went to Baguio. Both my parents came with me and entrusted me with all possible care to a condominium dormitory. They would have frozen with horror had they known the kind of life they were letting me wander into.

The question was still whether I would, with time, turn into a good daughter and useful citizen, or whether my nature was pushing me onto other paths. My last attempt to be happy under the shadow of the parental house and its spirit had lasted a long time, for a while it had almost succeeded, but now it had finally and completely failed.

The strangest emptiness and isolation I had come to feel for the first time the summer before my sophomore year in college (and oh, how well I got to know it later; this emptiness, this thin air!) did not pass away quickly. I found it oddly easy to leave home, I was a little ashamed of not being sadder, in fact; my mother expressed her worries, but I couldn't. I was amazed at myself. I had always been a sensitive child who expressed her feelings; a good girl, when it came down to it. Now I had completely changed. I acted with total indifference toward the outside world and spent days at a time attending only to myself, listening to the dark, underground currents rushing and roaring inside me. I had shot up very quickly in the past six months and looked miserable, skinny, and immature. Everything girly boyishly lovable about me disappeared; I was well aware that it was impossible to love me as I was, and I did not love myself either. I missed myself who loves writing much of the time and there I was memorizing the periodic table and formulas, solving Physics and Chemistry problems for my pre-med course.

So, when I shifted to Communications from Pharmacy in the next semester, I was neither liked nor respected because I was a new face in the Humanities department. They would say hi to me and asked me if I'm Chinese or Korean. I have no friends at all. No one knows me. Boys teased me and then left me alone, having decided I was a weird, distant, unpleasant sort. I took pleasure in this identity and even exaggerated it, grumbling my way into a solitude that looked like a feminst superiority and contempt on the outside while secretly I suffered constant fits of depression and despair. At school I got by for a while on what I had already studied back home, the class was a bit behind me where we had been because I love writing and journalism when I was in high school because I was the news editor of our school paper in my senior year and I was part of the editorial staff for 4 years in high school, and I got into the habit of viewing the other students my age with a certain contempt, as children. It went on like that for a year. Nothing changed on my first few visits home, and I was always glad to go back to school.

Then it was early November of year 2014. Whatever the weather, I would take little intellectual walks, which often gave me a kind of pleasure that was full of melancholy, scorn for the world, and contempt for myself as well. That was how I felt one evening as I strolled through the city of Baguio in the damp, misty twilight. The wide avenue of public park was completely deserted, and inviting; as I walked down the lane, thickly covered with fallen leaves with a dark, voluptous desire. It smelled wet and bitter; distant trees loomed up eerily out of the mist, tall and shadowy.

I stopped at the end of the road, not knowing what to do next. I stared down at the dark vegetal mass and greedily breathed in the wet smell of death and decay, which something inside me responded to and welcomed. Oh, how insipid the taste of life was!

Someone approached down a side path, his coat billowing in the wind. I wanted to keep walking, but he called my name.

"Hello, Lianne. Huy, Lianne!"

He came up to me. It was Lance, the first guy I seriously liked when we were living in my first condominium dormitory when I was first year in college. He is now a physicist and he studied in UP Baguio. I confessed to him that I like him when I was 16 and we were both cool about it and we are good friends after that. I always enjoyed seeing him and had nothing against him except that he always treated me like a baby.

"And what brings you here?" he called out affably, in the tone that bigger kids liked to take when condescended to talk one of us. "Writing a poem, I bet."

"Never occured to me," I snapped back.

He laughed out loud and walked next to me, chatting. I had completely forgotten what that felt like.

"Don't think I wouldn't understand Lianne. I know how it is, when you're taking a walk like this in the evening mist, with 6PM thoughts, you want to write poems, I know. Poems about dying nature, of course, and the lost youth it's a symbol of."

"I'm not that sentimental. How dare you!" I defended myself.

"Alright, nevermind. Alam mo kapag ganito ang weather it's good to find a nice quiet place with a glass of wine or something along those lines. Sama ka saken? Come with me. I happen to be all alone. Or ayaw mo? Ayaw kita mapariwala if may plano ka maging good model student."

Soon we were sitting in a small pub at the edge of the city, drinking a dubious wine and clinking out our glasses together. I didn't like it very much at first, but still it was something new. Soon though, not used to drinking wine, I started talking my head off. It was as though a window had opened inside me, and the world was shining in; how long, how terribly long it had been since I'd said anything I really felt! I started to give my imagination a free rein, and before I knew it I was telling Lance the story of Cain and Abel in the Bible.

Lance listened with delight. Finally, someone to whom I have something to give! Someone who could make deep talks with me. He clapped me on my shoulder, he called me a deep one fellow and my heart swelled with pleasure: I could finally let myself go, indulge in the need to talk and communicate that had been pent up so long, and feel acknowledged by someone older than me, like I was worth something. When he called me brilliant and smart, what he said sank into my soul like sweet, strong wine. The world shone in new colors, thoughts came to me from a hundred mischievous sources, wit and fire blazed up within me. We talked about our teachers, our schools, our classmates, and it seemed to me we understood each other splendidly. We talked about the Greeks, paganism, and Lance insisted on turning the conversation into confessions of amorous adventures. Here I had nothing to contribute. I had not had any adventures, not worth telling. And what I had felt, built up by my imagination, burned within me but the wine did not free it or enable me to talk about it. Lance knew a lot more about girls than I did, and I listened passionately to his fairy-tale stories. What I learned was unbelievable: things I had never thought possible entered ordinary reality and seemed obvious, normal. These girls in his stories have already acquired quite a store of an experience. Among other things, that girls always want nothing but chivalry and attention, which is fine as far as that goes but not the real thing. You could get farther with women. They were much more reasonable.

I remember the night very clearly. When the two of us started home late, past the dully burning gas lamps in the cool wet night, I was drunk for the first time. It did not feel pleasant. It was excruciating. But still, there was something about it: sweet excitement, rebellion, spirited life. Lance took good care of me, even while gripping about what a total beginner I was, and he brought me home, half carrying me, and managed to smuggle us into the dorm through an open hall elevator.

But after a short dead sleep, I woke up to a headache, sobriety, and terrible sadness. I sat up in bed, still wearing my shirt from the day before, with my other clothes and shoes lying around the floor and stinking of smoke and vomit. Between headache, nausea, and unspeakable thirst, an image rose up in my soul that I had not seen for a long time: I saw my parents' house, my hometown, Father and Mother, my siblings, the garden; I saw my quiet, comfortable bedroom, the school, and the market square, all of it flooded with bright light, radiant, all of it wonderful, godly, and pure, and I now knew everything, had still belonged to me the day before, just a few hours ago, had been waiting for my return, but now, only in this moment, it had sunk forever under the waves, was cursed, was no longer mine. It had thrown me out and now looked upon me with disgust! Everything I had so profoundly loved, everything back to the most distant, golden garden of my childhood that my parents had given me, every bless, every Christmas, every bright, pious Sunday mornings at home, every flower in the garden, it was all laid to waste, I had trampled it under my feet. So that's how I looked in the inside! I, who went around despising the world, proud in spirit. I was a pig, like scum, drunk and filthy, disgusting and low, a wild animal taken unawares and overpowered by hideous urges. I, who had come from the garden where everything was purity and radiance and blessed tenderness, who have loved poetry and Bach music, now looked like that inside. I could still hear my laugh ringing in my ears, drunk and out of control, bursting out in idiotic stops and starts and it filled me with rage and disgust. That was me!

Despite everything, it was almost pleasurable to suffer these torments. I had crept around blind and numb for so long, my heart cowering poor and miserable in the corner, that even this self-hatred, this horror, this whole horrible feeling in my soul was welcome! At least I felt something! The embers still flickered with some kind of fire, a heart still beat in there! I was confused to feel something like liberation and springtime in the middle of all my misery.

Meanwhile, to the other side, things went downhill with me in a hurry. My first binge was soon only a first to many. There are a lot of drinking and running wild went on as I meet more friends who asked me to go out. I once belonged to the dark world. At the same time I felt miserable. I was living in a self-destructive riot. I can still recall how tears came to my eyes once when I left a bar on Sunday afternoon and saw children playing in the street, bright and happy, with freshly combed hair, in their Sunday clothes. And the whole time that I was entertaining and often shocking my friends with my monstrous cynicism at the dirty tables of cramped pubs between puddles of beer, in my heart of hearts I still respected what they were mocking. On the inside I kneeled in tears before my soul, before my past and my parents, before God.

I never felt truly one with my companions. I was still lonely when I was with them, and that's why I suffered so. And I never went along with my buddies to see boys. I was alone and full of burning longing for love. A hopeless longing even while I talked like a hardened libertine. No more was more fragile, more full of shame, than I was. I was anxiously ashamed of the warm, shy moods I so often felt, the tender thoughts of love and care that so often came over me.

I cannot summarize in brief about what I learned from my adolescence stage. The most important thing I learned from it was another step on the path to myself. I'm now young adult. I was an unusual young woman around twenty-two years old, precarious in a hundred ways but very far behind and helpless in hundred ways. When I compared myself to the other people my age, I sometimes felt young and full of curiosity. There were times when people see me gifted and creative. They admire how I write and how I sketch and paint. During college, I was eaten up with worries and self-hatred about how hopelessly isolated I was from other people, how cut off from life. They are all dating but I'm closed.

After college, I lived again at my hometown with my family. This new environment gave me courage and taught me to keep my self-respect. The way people always found something valuable in my words, my dreams, my thoughts and imaginings, always took them seriously and discussed them in earnest, became exemplary for me.

I like music because it's outside morality. I can't keep comparing myself to other people. I sometimes feel like I don't belong, I blame myself for following a different path than most other people. I have to unlearn that and I did. Stare into the fire, look at the clouds, and when ideas and intuitions came to me and the voices of my soul start to speak, I trust them and I don't worry about anything.

[alberto-masala]

"La vera felicità è impossibile senza la solitudine. Probabilmente l’Angelo caduto tradì Dio perché desiderava la solitudine, che gli Angeli non conoscono. . True happiness is impossible without solitudine.The fallen Angel betrayed God probably because he longed for solitude, of which the Angel know nothing. (Anton Čechov)" Photo: @sergioderosasfoto Model: @alberto_masala Throne: @davide_antiquariato . #love #followme #instagramers #silverbeard #art #beardman #photooftheday #soul #amazing #instagram #guardian #like4like #instalike #igers #picoftheday #kingbeard #instadaily #instafollow #followme #red #instagood #bestoftheday #me #reddots #wihte #colorful #paradise #naturelovers (presso Italy)

[rhianna]

ORIGINE E FORMAZIONE DEL DIAVOLO. 

Tutti conoscono il poetico mito della ribellione e della caduta degli angeli. Questo mito, che inspirò a Dante alcuni tra i più bei versi dell'Inferno, e al Milton un indimenticabile episodio del Paradiso perduto, fu da varii Padri e Dottori della Chiesa variamente foggiato e colorito; ma non ha altro fondamento che la interpretazione di un versetto d'Isaia e di alcuni luoghi, abbastanza oscuri, del Nuovo Testamento. Un altro mito, di carattere molto diverso, ma non meno poetico, accolto da scrittori così ebraici come cristiani, narra di angeli di Dio, che invaghitisi delle figliuole degli uomini, peccarono con esse, e furono in punizione del loro peccato esclusi dal regno dei cieli, e convertiti [4]di angeli in demonii. Questo secondo mito ebbe nei versi del Moore e del Byron consacrazione perpetua. Così l'un mito come l'altro fa dei demonii angeli caduti, e la caduta rannoda a un peccato: superbia o invidia nel primo caso; amor colpevole nel secondo.

Everyone knows the poetic myth of rebellion and the fall of the angels. This myth, which inspired to Dante some of the most beautiful verses of Hell, and to Milton an unforgettable episode of the lost Paradise, was by various Fathers and Doctors of the Church variously shaped and colored; but it has no other foundation than the interpretation of a verse of Isaiah and some places, quite obscure, of the New Testament. Another myth, of a very different, but no less poetic character, received by writers as Jewish as Christians, tells of angels of God, who fell in love with the daughters of men, sinned with them, and were punished for their sin, excluded from the kingdom of heaven, and converted [4] of angels into demons. This second myth had in the verses of Moore and Byron perpetual consecration. Thus the one myth as the other makes fallen angels demons, and the fall leads to a sin: pride or envy in the first case; guilty love in the second.Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

[jund-decena]

Ang sakit nito, yong masabihan kang nawalan ka ng pagibig sa kanya 😭 “To the angel of the church of Ephesus write, ‘These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands: “I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent. But this you have, that you hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.” ’ Revelation 2:1‭-‬7 NKJV https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpv0m5Bj_iwynDNS3TWapneXFugz-3ZdRktS7c0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1bclwxzz9i1ru

[horrormogai]

PT copied from under the cut for archival purposes

[ PT: Angelimorvid. Angeli- morvid.

A gender related to being an unholy, fallen angel. A corrupted saint whose hands are covered with blood & sin, & that now roams through the earth. It may come with great feeling of desolation, missing the holy paradise it once belonged to, but still have that same morbid desire of doing wrongful & impure things that got it excluded from heaven.

Requested by no one. Coined by Freddy.

Tagging: @/accessmogai for image ID. @/laylalita, @/dollgirlsmind for the sillies. END PT. ]

🎙️ ;; # ANGELIMORVID ;;⠀『⠀ ANGELI- MORVID⠀ 』 .

A gender related to being an unholy , fallen angel. A corrupted saint whose hands are covered with blood & sin, & that now roams through the earth. It may come with great feeling of desolation , missing the holy paradise it once belonged to , but still has that same morbid desire of doing wrongful & impure things that got it excluded from heaven. ,.

🪽⠀REQUESTED BY ; NO ONE !! . Coined by Freddy . ⋯

⠀ ⏕ tagging @accessmogai for image ID . @laylalita , @dollgirlsmind for the sillies ,, .

[ PT: Angelimorvid. Angeli- morvid.

A gender related to being an unholy, fallen angel. A corrupted saint whose hands are covered with blood & sin, & that now roams through the earth. It may come with great feeling of desolation, missing the holy paradise it once belonged to, but still have that same morbid desire of doing wrongful & impure things that got it excluded from heaven.

Requested by no one. Coined by Freddy.

Tagging: @/accessmogai for image ID. @/laylalita, @/dollgirlsmind for the sillies. END PT. ]