#andy's bookshelf

[eternal--returned]

TOM BAKER: I sat with Andy Warhol and his entourage at a long table near the stage. Pam Courson, Morrison's girlfriend, sat alongside me and was very excited. She said to me, "Jim's really up for tonight's show. Forget that shit at Gazzari's, now you're going to see the real Jim Morrison." When I saw them at Gazzar's, the club on Sunset Strip, Jim was high on LSD and staggering drunk. His performance was unspectacular, except for one moment—while stumbling through a song early in the set, he suddenly let out with a deep-throated, bloodcurdling scream. Pam was furious with him and kept telling me I wasn't seeing him at his best. I told her he was a good guy, but he should keep his day job. But when he finished the show at Ondine's, I sat there stunned. I looked over at Pamela. She leaned toward me and said, "I told you so." Afterwards, the Doors gave a party in a club to celebrate their success. When it was over, Jim and I stood talking at the bottom of the stairs that led up to Forty-sixth Street. It was late, and the area was full of various cops and creeps. Suddenly, Morrison started throwing empty glasses up the stairs. I grabbed him by the arm and yelled, "What the fuck are you doing, for Christ's sake?" He ignored me and threw another glass up the stairs, simultaneously letting out one of his bloodcurdling screams. I expected a small army of cops to come charging down. After one final glass and one final scream, Jim turned and was gone. I was frustrated because I wanted to tell him that finally I had met someone who was truly possessed.

Legs McNeil & Gillian McCain ֍ Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk (1996)

Edmund Teske ֍ Pamela Courson & Jim Morrison (c. 1969)

[andromedaexists]

Someone let me go to the bookstore unsupervised today

big mistake... i need another bookshelf now

[krivanekphotographicestate]

[kezcore]

i was listening to the radio silence audiobook (first time reading radio silence!! yippee!) and the narrator pronounces frances's username as "toulousa" with a british accent. it wasn't until i finally opened my irl hardcover copy that i realized it was actually "touloser" and i am so mad that i went through half of this book without this information. she is just like me fr

[himblebo]

There are few things I love more than some deeply fucked up cosmic horror

[padfootagain]

Only an Almost (IV)

Chapter 4: First Time

Hello!! Here is a new chapter! This is one includes sexual themes, even if no explicit descriptions, so no minors here, please!

I hope you’ll like this chapter! Please, tell me what you think!

*************************************

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader, friends with benefits AU

Warning: No explicit smut or nsfw content, but there are sexual themes and heavy make-out sessions (it’s a friends with benefits AU, I can’t really escape it), so 18+ only!

Summary: Andrew has been in love with you for years, and yet he has never confessed his feelings. But a night out celebrating the engagement of his best friend changes everything. However, you don't seem ready to be with him just yet. You make him an offer that he can't refuse... but will certainly regret.

Word Count : 2435

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Andrew and you didn’t see each other for a few days. You were both busy with work, and an impending fear seemed to hang above the two of you. You were both happy to pretend that you didn’t have time to see each other, it was easier to tiptoe around the line of friendship rather than to cross it for good.

But then Saturday arrived, and with it Andrew’s promise to help you move furniture around your house. You were buying a new bookshelf, and needed to move a couple of things to accommodate the larger shelves.

It was raining, for a change. When Andrew knocked on your door, his hair was curlier than ever, and on its way to get properly drenched. Luckily, you hurried to let him inside the warmth of your house.

“Alright, muscles! Let’s get you dry and warm, and then you can show all that manly strength of yours!” you joked, making Andrew laugh before you had even closed the door behind him.

“Yes, ma’am. I am but your humble servant today.”

It was your turn to laugh. You walked to your kitchen to start a kettle, while Andrew was ridding himself of his wet shoes and coat.

“So, how many muscles will be pulled today?” he asked, walking into your living room to assess the work to be done for the afternoon.

You appeared soon after, carrying two cups of tea; you handed him the one containing two teabags.

“We need to move the sofa, the coffee table, and all the furniture set against this wall,” you explained. “Once that is done, we need to pick up my bookshelf at the shop, and bring it home. We can set up everything now, it shouldn’t take too long.”

“Last time we’ve tried to build a piece of furniture together was at Jon’s, and it took us three hours… I expect to be free at nightfall,” Andrew pointed out, but you shook your head.

“No, don’t worry about that. I can assemble the bookshelf on my own.”

Andrew raised a surprised eyebrow.

“You don’t want any help?”

“I can do it.”

“I know you can… I’m asking if you want help.”

“I don’t want to bother you…”

But he merely let out a laugh.

“When did you decide to stop being insufferable?” he joked, making you roll your eyes. “Y/N… I’m here to help, so let me help.”

You grew a little shy, and Andrew tried to ignore the way it made his heart inflate, warmth spreading in his chest at the sight.

“You’re sure?”

“Of course!”

He drank a little bit of tea, before rolling up his sleeves.

“Alright, tell me where we’re putting all these.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!”

“Pivot! Pivot!”

“I can’t believe you’ve made that joke… Andy!”

“Put it down. Y/N, just put it down, we’ll pick it up again.”

You heaved a relieved sigh as you put down the large cardboard box in your hallway. You took a couple of deep breaths, trying to slow down your heart.

You caught Andrew rubbing his back as you turned to him.

“Okay, next time I need help with something like this, I’ll ask someone my height. Are you okay, Andy?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Of course. You should close your door, and then we’ll lift this up again and get it safely to your living room.”

You managed to get the box in the right room on your second attempt, even if your arms and hands were sore by now.

Building the bookshelf was quicker than expected, thanks to Andrew’s help. He heaved a content sigh once you were finally done.

“Not too bad!” you nodded, an excited smile on your lips.

He leaned back on his hands, admiring your work. You were both sitting on the ground, in the mess of cardboard and spared screws that came with building furniture.

“So… that means…”

“I can buy so many more books…”

He let out a bright laugh, shaking his head at you with a fondness that made you look away.

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Hey! How many books did you buy last time we went to the bookstore together?” you asked back, making him roll his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll have you know my purchases were perfectly legitimate.”

“The first two, maybe. Not the six that came next…”

Andrew laughed again, he couldn’t help it. And it made you break your act, the most beautiful sound in the world…

“Alright, alright. I might have a bit of an addiction.”

“Want some tea before you go?”

“You don’t want help organizing your brand-new shelves?”

“I reckon I’ve bothered you enough for one day.”

“God, stop saying that,” he mumbled, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. “You’re never bothering me, Y/N.”

You gave him a smile, the kind that made his heart melt, that illuminated his entire world…

… Christ, he was such a desperate case.

“Even when I steal all your chips?”

It made him laugh again, of course, even if it was silly. Perhaps because it was silly. You were adorable like this, sitting on the ground with pieces of cardboard all around, your hair a mess and wearing your most comfortable clothes. Domestic. That’s how the scene looked. It could have been a moment held in a shared home…

He wanted to make a snarky remark, but his heart was too soft, too warm, a little too painful as well.

“Even when you steal my chips.”

Your smile grew more mischievous, and Andrew’s gaze lingered on your lips.

“Now that you’ve admitted that, you’ll never get the chance to eat chips ever again.”

You both chuckled at that, and Andrew leaned closer to you without noticing, sitting straighter again. He didn’t pay attention to the way you leaned closer as well.

“Alright, that is too much. I like you enough to concede… 1% of my chips. Not one more.”

“One?! And you say you like me?” you huffed. “I deserve at least 25% of your chips.”

“You’re never getting one-fourth of my chips. Have I never mentioned that chips are my passion in life? You’ll get 5%.”

“20%.”

“I won’t go above 7%.”

“Come on, 10%...”

You leaned even closer, so close your shoulder was brushing his arm. So close, he could feel the warmth of your breath on his chin as he bent down a little.

He struggled to swallow. The thought crossed his mind that you were barely a breath away, that all he had to do to kiss you was to slightly tilt his head and lean down some more…

When did the temperature of the room rise so much?

When did the playful atmosphere turn into this longing?

“Alright, 10%.”

“Deal.”

You offered him your hand, and he looked down at your open palm. He shook your hand, his so much larger than yours. When he looked up, you were blinking, lips slightly parted. He didn’t have the strength to pull away, decided to let you break your hold on him. But you didn’t. Instead, your gaze dropped to his lips, and you tightened you tightened your hold on his hand. Andrew’s heart skipped several beats, he glanced at your mouth as well. When your gazes met once more, you let go of him, and Andrew blushed furiously, ready to pull away, to pretend that nothing had happened.

But then your fingers were lifted to his cheek, your thumb softly stroking his beard. He blinked at you, holding his breath.

When you leaned up, he could barely believe it.

“Andy?” you whispered, your lips almost touching his.

“Yes?” he struggled to swallow, voice low and deepened by want.

“Are you still okay with… what we discussed the other day? About… our arrangement?”

Andrew tried to speak, but he merely nodded instead.

“Can I kiss you, then?”

But instead of answering, Andrew merely closed the gap between your mouths.

It was as wonderful as he remembered, just as overwhelming, as perfect… a feeling he never wanted to end. A sensation he knew he would never stop seeking if he lost you…

The kiss, this time, quickly got heated though. Andrew’s lips had soon found the sweet spot over your pulse, and he busied himself gently biting on the skin of your neck, before kissing it to sooth the tickling flesh. You were breathless in his arms, hands lost in his hair, gently pulling now and then.

When you started to unbutton his shirt, shivers ran through his entire frame.

“Can we take this to the bedroom?” he asked, voice raw and deeper than you had ever heard, deep enough to make your soul tremble, lust audible in his tone.

His pupils were as dilated as yours when you looked at each other.

You quickly nodded, staggering to your feet.

You offered him a hand, one he knew he couldn’t refuse.

“Just sex, though. We still agree on this?” you asked.

Andrew’s chest tightened, and yet as he looked up at you, your lips reddened with kisses, a mark left by his mouth over the curve of your neck, a lustful look in your eyes… he could never have said no. He would have accepted anything to have you, no matter the consequences for him.

“Yes. Yes, we agree.”

You helped him up, keeping your hand in his as you guided him to your bed.

You were still holding his hand.

There was no sound in the room but your two breaths, heaving across silence, scattering over empty space and furniture and the perspiration across your brow.

Andrew couldn’t look at you yet. His mind was just coming down from its height, from reaching for the heavens and gently landing back into your bed, across the soft cotton sheets that smelled of lilac and you. His thoughts were still a little foggy, a little distant even, hanging above him just out of reach. The dizziness that came with utter pleasure and release was dissipating, leaving some room for the return of realisation and consciousness.

He had sex with you. Andrew had just had sex with you. You had slept with him. And God, what love-making that was…

Your hand tightened slightly around his, and he finally gathered his courage to turn his head on the pillow, blinking and then looking at you.

You were dishevelled, struggling for breath still, your eyes closed. Your bare chest was heaving; he couldn’t help but let his gaze trace your shape, the lines of your skin, the perfect curves of your body, for now still uncovered by the sheets. You looked messy and perfectly content. Glowing in some way only pleasure could bring.

He wished for this to be the only sight he would ever see from now on.

“Wow… that was amazing, Andy…”

His lips curved into a cocky grin.

“So… not as disappointing as expected?”

You chuckled at that, finally turning your head to look at him.

“Barely.”

You exchanged a tender smile, while he raised his hand to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. His hand lingered to cup your cheek, touch gentle, loving even.

“It was amazing for me too, by the way,” he whispered, moving closer, his tone as quiet as a confession.

You leaned closer to kiss him, and you tasted like heaven, something sweet and impossibly you, a taste he would never forget and always crave for…

“Hold me… please,” you asked in a whisper, and he didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around you, holding you against him. You rested your ear right against his heart, listening to the steady beat of the organ.

You nuzzled into his chest, one of your hands still holding his, the other resting across his stomach where you drew mindless patterns that lulled him into a peaceful state, one he had not reached in years. He bent his head to kiss your hair.

This could work, he thought. None of what had just happened felt like a mere fling, like some meaningless sex. There had been a connection the second your lips met. It wasn’t fucking, it was making love. And now, you were craving for his embrace as much as he was longing for yours. This could work. For now, your life was complicated and stressful. It was okay, Andrew would wait for you to be available again, for you to be ready to give him a proper chance. It would be alright, all he had to do was to be patient. You couldn’t properly date him at the moment, but nothing that had occurred in this bedroom was mere physical attraction. It was more than just sex. You pretending that it was nothing more than a friends with benefits situation… it was temporary. Andrew was not fooled. You were still holding his hand. It would be fine, it was more than just sex… so much more…

He pressed his lips to your hairline.

“God, you’re so beautiful, Y/N,” he whispered, and he felt your smile against his skin.

His hold on your waist tightened slightly, before he would move his hand across your back, long fingers splayed across the base of your spine. Feeling your bare skin against his was driving him absolutely insane…

“Let’s take ten minutes like this, and then I’ll clean the mess we’ve made in the living room.”

“An hour.”

You chuckled, pinching playfully his side.

“Quit having such a terrible influence on me, would you? I’ll give us fifteen…”

“Why the rush?” he argued, his eyes closing while his lips were still resting against your skin and he breathed in the blooming scent of your shampoo. “This is nice… let’s enjoy the moment, okay?”

You didn’t say anything, remained quiet, went back to tracing patterns against his skin.

It lasted a few blissful minutes, before you were sitting up.

You let go of his hand.

“I’m gonna go clean up everything in the living room, and reorder my bookshelves. Do you want some tea?”

You weren’t looking at him, as if you were avoiding his stare. Andrew wondered why.

“No, thanks. I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks, though.”

You hurried back into your clothes, and Andrew grew self-conscious, now that he was the only one still naked. He reached for his underwear as well, then his undershirt.

“You’re alright, baby?”

You finally turned to him.

“Let’s make a new rule. No pet names. Okay?”

He blinked up at you from the bed, taken aback, too much so to stop you from leaving the room.

[inawickedlittletown]

Handsome Little Bookworm (BuckTommy) - one-shot

Summary: In which Buck discovers how avid of a reader Tommy is.

BuckTommy Positivity Week Day 4: hobbies and dates

Rated: G

Words: 1.1k

@bucktommypositivityweek

-

Read on Ao3

Buck realized fairly quickly that his boyfriend was a romantic. He didn’t seem to think that he deserved romance or that anyone would be willing to go to all that trouble for him, but he certainly loved to watch romcoms and he read more romance books than anyone that Buck had ever met. The first time he was invited over to Tommy’s house he’d zeroed in on the built in bookshelves that held both books and DVDs. He’d been interested right away, especially because of the insight that it might give him to Tommy. 

“This is quite the collection,” Buck had muttered as he perused the movies. “Chimney did say you were a big movie guy.” 

“When you grew up the way I did, escapism is all you really have, Evan.” 

Buck nodded. “I went with the route that kept me out of the house until I broke something. Usually my bones.”

“Evan,” Tommy said, exasperated.  

“I don’t do that anymore.” 

When he got to the book section of the bookshelf, Buck pulled out a dark blue book with white writing that read Boyfriend Material. 

“Is this a guide? Do I make the cut?” Buck asked. 

Tommy plucked the book from his hands and returned it to its spot. It brought him close enough that Buck could smell his cologne. It was earthy and warm and Buck wanted nothing more than to press himself up against him and maybe turn around and kiss him silly. 

“You are definitely boyfriend material,” Tommy responded and he took a step away from Buck. 

Buck knew he was blushing and thinking about how it hadn’t even a week since they had defined what they were doing. After not having had a boyfriend his whole life, it felt amazing to actually have one. Some might say it sounded a little juvenile, but Buck loved it. He loved that Tommy was his boyfriend. 

Buck ran his fingers over the spines of a few more books and slowly came to the conclusion that half the books Tommy owned were romance novels. It was a little unexpected, and Buck didn’t know what he had expected to find on Tommy’s shelves because Tommy had never struck him as someone that spent their time reading non-fiction or the thrillers that had become popular due to all the true crime podcasts. Maybe he just hadn’t expected Tommy to be very invested in reading. Romance books made sense, though. So did the mix of sci-fi/fantasy. 

“So which of these is your favorite?” Buck asked. 

“I don’t think I have a favorite,” Tommy admitted. 

Buck glared at him. “Which one have you read more than once?” 

“Not that many.” 

Buck perused the books himself, looking for one that might be a little more worn than the others. It was difficult entirely because Tommy seemed to take meticulous care of his books. But, of course he did. He had an entire section made up of classics whose titles Buck recognized from reading lists at school. Going up a few shelves, two books whose pages faced out caught his attention. Buck could understand putting the books that way on the shelf because the edges of the pages were pretty. He grabbed them both out. 

The books were by the same author, TJ Klune. The covers were cartoonish in a way. One featured a house at the end of a cliff and the other a house in the middle of a forest that looked entirely like it was ready to collapse. He looked at the back cover of one and then the other. 

“These sound interesting,” he offered. 

“They’re very good. Your favorite?” 

“Nope.”

Buck hummed and put them back. He grabbed another book at random. Less. The cover featured a suited up guy falling backwards. 

Next he looked at a very thick white book with some kind of ship on the cover. And then The Hunger Games which Buck had actually read. A Sherlock Holmes story collection and a few books by Andy Weir. He recognized The Martian because he’d seen Hen reading it a few years back. 

“Have you read everything on here?” 

“Most of them,” Tommy said. 

“Hmm, I think I like knowing my boyfriend is well read,” Buck said as he put Good Omens back in its place. 

Tommy snorted. “If you count romance and speculative fiction well read.” 

“You read more than me.” 

“And I bet if we found a book in a topic you found interesting, you’d be in a deep dive,” Tommy said. 

Buck didn’t deny it. He did smirk at Tommy and pull him into a kiss. “How about we keep you my handsome little bookworm.” 

The rest of the tour of Tommy’s house resulted in Buck finding even more books. He hadn’t been looking, it was just that Tommy had books literally everywhere. He had another bookshelf in his bedroom and a small pile on his bedside table. He had cooking books in the kitchen, even. It was cute and Buck had no idea when Tommy made time for reading, but he did. He knew that he took a book to work with him for the downtime in between calls, but with everything else Tommy did, it was still shocking how many books he got through. 

In the months that followed, everytime he stayed the night, he found that Tommy had already finished the book he’d previously had on his bedside table and that it had been replaced with something entirely new. He liked looking at the current book and asking Tommy to tell him about it. 

As far as hobbies went, reading was not one that Buck had expected to find hot. Not like Muay Thai which involved tight shorts and a very sweaty and delicious looking Tommy, or even Tommy tinkering away at a car wearing a backwards cap and a tight tanktop that would invariably get covered in oil or grease stains. Buck just hadn’t known what it would do to him to know that Tommy wore reading glasses. 

He’d kissed him about it and begged him to keep the glasses on during sex that night. He had absolutely no regrets about it. 

Buck was also a little amazed by how much of Tommy’s mail consisted of books getting delivered to him. Or how whenever they went anywhere that had a local bookstore they had to make time to go inside and peruse the wares. Tommy always bought at least one book. 

Some of the best nights were the quiet nights where Buck had his headphones on and he watched a documentary or dived into his research and next to him, glasses perched on his nose and a book open in his hands was Tommy. Buck could picture them doing that for years. 

He could see it so well, the two of them a bit older sharing in each other’s space but doing their own thing. Occasionally sharing a smile or a kiss maybe with rings on each other’s fingers to top it all off.  

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Once Upon a Time 10

Warnings: non/dubcon and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Andy Barber

Part of the Bookstore AU

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

A message pops up on your Instagram. You open it with dread, a blank profile with some generic photo of a bookshelf. You already know it's him. 

‘Your aunt is very nice.’ 

You nearly drop your phone as you glance over at Jo. She sits with a cross stitch as she watches a rerun of Cold Case. You shudder and look back down at the screen. 

‘Why r u doing this?’ 

You hit the arrow as your sweaty hands stick to the silicon case. 

‘Why am I being nice?’ He replies. 

You can't. You stand up with your phone and your Aunt Jo peeks over with an arched brow. You give an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry, I'll be right back.” 

You cross the room and pass the kitchen doorway. You lock yourself in the bathroom and look at your phone. You see three dots then they disappear. 

‘You followed me.’ 

He sends a rolling eye emoji. You nearly scream. What the hell? He's rolling his eyes at what? Stalking you? 

‘More than once.’ 

He sends a laughing emoji with tears. You huff. He's so confusing. Then a photo pops up, buffering before finally loading. 

It's Chelsea, well, the top of her head and she's… 

You want to puke. You can't believe he'd send you that. Does she know he took that? Even if she's a bitch, you feel bad. 

‘Looks like I'm all taken care of.’ He texts. 

‘Looks like you are.’ 

You turn your phone to do not disturb and lock it. He's disgusting. You don't even get what he wants from you. If he has Chelsea doing all that, why the heck is he texting you? 

You take your phone to the spare room, what was once your room, and leave it there. You don’t want to be bothered by him, even if you can’t shake the uneasiness stirring your nerves. You go back to the living room and sit down on the couch. You stare unseeingly at the television as the syndicated legal series drones on. 

“What was that, honey?” Jo asks, poking her needle up then pulling it through. 

“Work,” you lie, “um, they keep moving around the schedule or whatever. It’s... frustrating.” 

“Ah, that’s too bad,” she tug the thread to its limit, “you’re stressed. Maybe you should take a day off.” 

“Maybe,” you rub your forehead, “or get a different job.” 

“Could do,” she shrugs, “you know I’ll support whatever you do.” 

“Yeah,” you drop your hands into your lap and look at her, “I know.” 

You turn back to screen and try to hide your despair. Should you try to tell her about Andy? The thought’s crossed your mind a dozen times over. Your Aunt Jo is fierce and loving, she might just believe you but it’s not her holding you back. It’s him. He’s dangerous and he hasn’t yet shown you how dangerous. 

It’s better she doesn’t know. Not right now. You’ll have to deal with Andy. Just not tonight. 

📖

You grumble around the last mouthful of coffee. Another day, another shift. While Jo’s suggestion was tempting, you really can’t give up the hours. Nonetheless, you haven’t sat on your hands. Several applications were forward late into the night as sleep eluded you. Now you can barely hold your head up. 

It shouldn’t be very busy at opening. You can survive on an instant coffee packet from the breakroom. You yawn and grab your coat and bag. The snow puffs up around your boots as you step outside, shivering as you tuck your scarf into the top of your jacket. You pull your hood up against the frigid wind and tamp down the fresh powder as you come down the walk. 

As you get to the sidewalk, you stop and look both ways. Before you can cross and head for the bus stop, a horn honks, jarring you. You step back as a familiar car rolls up. You cross your arms, heart racing, and peek back over your shoulder at the safe hold of your aunt’s house. 

“Buses are behind,” Andy calls through the window as it slides down, “you’ll be late...” 

“I’m fine,” you sidestep to walk around the rear bumper and he shifts into reverse, blocking your escape. 

“I know your aunt didn’t teach you to be so ungrateful--” 

“Don’t talk about my aunt,” you snap as you turn back the other way and he rolls forward. You stop short and stomp your foot, “why are you doing this? Why are you bugging me? Chelsea--” 

“I don’t want Chelsea, she’s a slut. She’s easy. She gets the job done,” he sneers. 

You shake your head and blow out a cloud of warmth into the crisp air, “I’m sure there are other--” 

“You,” he says tersely, “that’s it. No one else.” 

You close your eyes and shudder, “I... I’m not interested... like that, Andy. I just was being friendly because it’s my job. Can’t you understand?” 

“I don’t understand,” he snarls, “I’m a lawyer, I’m good-looking, I take good care of myself and I could do the same for you. You wouldn’t have to work in some shitty bookstore.” 

You flutter your lashes and shake your head, “I...” 

“What? Why don’t you want me?” He leans over the seat further, glaring at you. 

“How old are you?” You blurt out, immediately sealing your lips in regret. 

He scoffs, “and how old are you? Bit over the hill to be in retail, huh? I know you’re not some college kid getting a few extra bucks. You’re a grown woman, your life is a mess. You need someone like me.” 

You huff, “I need you to leave me alone.” 

He clucks and sits up. The car idles in front of you as he sits silently. He grips the real and clears his throat, “I’ll be seeing you for dinner. Aunt Jo sure is sweet, maybe you could learn a thing or two from her.” 

The window rolls up before you can spit back a retort. The mention of your aunt flares in your chest. How dare he. You know it’s more than a snipe at you, he’s not saying her name for nothing. It’s a threat. 

He steers away down the snowy road, the snow packing beneath the weight of the car. You watch his headlights stop at the corner before you kick through the snow. Fuck. 

[kyeree]

I'm drawing the rooms in the Stormborn. Here's my headcanons/don't forget to add this to the drawing list.

(Still editing and adding to the list)

- The boobs all have their own rooms on the ship but Moonshines room is the One Big Bed room. Its not One Big Bed though, it's a double at most. Moonshine and Hardwon sleep side by side while Bev top and tails. Balnor will push his chair by the bed and maybe put his feet up on it.

- Moonshines room is closest to the kitchen. Technically isn't even a room, it was used for storage or as a pantry, but she made herself at home there to be close to the kitchen.

- The ship has spores all over but Moonie has shrooms on the walls used as coat hooks and luminous mushrooms and nannerflies giving the room a nice soft glow to her windowless room. Deadeyes hat is hung on the wall and Handy Andy has a little nook on the shelf. Jaina's thank you card is used as a book mark in the few books she has to learn to read or books gifted from Peepaw.

- There are many broken floorboards and holes in the Stormborn Pawpaw and Handy Andy uses as shortcuts. Pawpaw likely has his own little den in the walls or roof where no one can get to (Moonshine understands it's his space, she won't even wildshape there)

-The kitchen is cluttered but never dirty. There's always something slow cooking on the stove, a table and bench to sit at and a wine rack filled with crick water. The crockery is all mismatched, dented and broken. There are many foods and spices jarred, Beverley is usually the one to throw out any foods that have expired in case Moonshine uses them.

- Definitely a small stack of handwritten cookbooks from Martha Toegold. A jar of the collected Werther's stolen from Nana Kindleaf.

- Hardwon doesn't stay in the captains quarters, that was his father's room. He occasionally visits when he's feeling sentimental or to add his own 'trophy' to sit amongst his father's. Or to place a picture of his family by the ones his father had. A sextant sits on the desk, Bev is teaching him how to navigate with it

- Beverley got the biggest room at the back of the ship with a huge pane window. It's extremely organised and clean, with the exception of some of the shrooms Moonshine has spread throughout the ship.

- Hardwon's actual room is close to the helm. It's a chaotic mess but only a little dirty. He has cupboards and drawers half closed stuffed with things from his adventures. Most of his art is hidden around the ship anyone can walk into his stump at the crick, it's too risky. Hand axes used to hang pin things to the wall, drawings, his father's hat, Jessica Simpson posters. A few items he's whittled, night vision goggles, beard oil.

- Hardwon learned a lot of housekeeping from the dwarphanage. He's usually the one keeping the ship clean in his own way. Hanging laundry from the halyard, throwing the trash overboard, letting pawpaw lick the plates before scrubbing them.

- He has a large bed but also a hammock for when Erlin stays (because mama said so). Big ol' bookshelf. Uses jars of whatever he's collecting as bookends: rocks, bugs, teeth. A desk/vanity table with very fancy and well organised stationary, a small pot of gold paint for his feet and letters from Erlin and his mama. A trunk of props used for goofs and pranks and the singing Tuna Balnor gifted him.

- A telescope by the window. Erlin's journal by his bed and their shared journal on his desk. A book of dragon anatomy and graphic scrolls.

- Balnor never spent enough time on the Stormborn to make a room his own and when he got his memories back it felt strange to make somewhere else a home. He's content with keeping his stuff in the bag and sleeping in his chair beside the Boobs

[eternal--returned]

JOHN CALE: Lou was very full of himself and faggy in those days. We called him Lulu, and I was Black Jack. Lou wanted to be the queen bitch and spit out the sharpest rebukes of anyone around. Lou always ran with the pack and the Factory was full of queens to run with. But Lou was dazzled by Andy and Nico. He was completely spooked by Andy because he could not believe that someone could have so much goodwill and yet be so mischievous—in the same transvestite way that Lou was, all that bubbling gay humor. Lou tried to compete. Unfortunately for him, Nico could do it better—Nico and Andy had a slightly different approach, but they outdid Lou time and time again. Andy was never less than considerate to us. Lou couldn't fully understand this, he couldn't grasp this amity that Andy had. Even worse, Lou would say something bitchy, but Andy would say something even bitchier—and nicer. This would irritate Lou. Nico had the same effect. She would say things so Lou couldn't answer back. You see, Lou and Nico had some kind of affair, both consummated and constipated, during the time he wrote these psychological love songs for her like "I'll Be Your Mirror" and "Femme Fatale."

Legs McNeil & Gillian McCain ֍ Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk (1996)

[andromedaexists]

ugh who let me own this many books??

[krivanekphotographicestate]

[tarabyte3]

Happy New Year! 🥳🥂🎇

There were a few sources of struggle and stress in 2024 (especially from living in the US) which occasionally made me feel like this

But you know what? Overall it wasn't a terrible year, and my mental health was mostly good! ��

Highlights with photos below the cut

I got to see Andy Serkis in Indianapolis (with Lorraine!!!) AND in Denver (where I also I got to spend time exploring the city with some of my wonderful friends 🥺)

I went and saw The Phantom Menace in theater for its 25th anniversary, and it reawakened something inside of me (QuiObi shipping) like I was a sleeper agent and someone said my very specific code phrase. I've now read back through 25 years of fanfiction, all which inspired me (seriously, what an amazing fandom) because, for the first time, I have 5 QuiObi WIPs of my own (one of which is at 18k words and close to finished!)

It was a great year of con finds, thrifting, and gifts!! And I had fun displaying all of it with my existing figure/funko collection 😍 (Though I swear Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are eventually going to need their own bookshelf. Like, Jedi Apprentice alone could take up most of a shelf if I moved it all over 😩 OR I will have to suck it up buttercup and take stuff out of the packaging 😭)

I rewatched The Terror for, like, the 8th time, and that rekindled my obsession (with the show and Bridglar) and blessed me with John Lynch brain (I even read one of his books this year!) I now have two cakes old men.

I continued weightlifting, hit some personal strength goals, and kicked ass (mostly my own)!!! (I'm going to be vain for a moment and brag about my biceps because I worked really hard for them 😤)

And I finished 2 fics I'm really proud of! My writing has improved a lot over the past few years, and I think they're some of my best posted work (so far 😌):

The fear has gripped me, but here I go (Liam Black x Reader)

Remember You Are Half Water (Kino Loy x Reader)

I'm not making any resolutions for 2025. Instead, I'm just going to continue lifting weights, making memes and fandom content, and doing my best. I'm going to another AndyCon in March to see more of my beloved friends and mutuals (😍). Andor season 2 comes out in 111 days. And I'm going to FINISH MORE FANFICTION, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME (😠🤞🙏🕯️) including I Want You To Show Me Weak!!!

So here's to more shitposting and blorbo obsessions in 2025. May we all have the motivation to work on our art and the serotonin to make it through.

[andromedaexists]

oooo these are all great!!

And ye! I am a Classics Major! I have a fuck ton of resources that I am always happy to share! Not only that, but I am also a Hellenistic Pagan (i specifically worship the Chthonic deities, though there isn't much information on them. I'm still working on finding everything I can)

These are all really great recommendations, and thank you for looping me in as well!

For just starting out, I highly recommend a anthology text. These texts will compile simple versions of the myths and serve as a diving board into more complex stories. They're a good way to just dip your toes in to figure out what stories you would like to know more about!

Some anothologies I recommend are:

Anthology Of Classical Myth: Primary Sources in Translation by Stephen Trzaskoma & others. ISBN: 978-0872207219

Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology by Cory O'Brien. ISBN: 978-0399160400

The Story of Myth by Sarah Iles Johnston. ISBN: 978-0674185074

And these ones are more religion based, but they do touch on the myths as they pertain to religion:

Underworld Gods in Ancient Greek Religion (Routledge Monographs in Classical Studies) by Ellie Mackin Roberts. ISBN: 978-1032336886

Greek Religion by Walter Burkert. ISBN: 978-0674362819

And just because I can and I love this book:

Queer Euripides: Re-Readings in Greek Tragedy by Sarah Olsen and Mario Telo. ISBN: 978-1350249615

So Hades + Persephone retelling embargo aside, I was wondering if you had any good retellings you've read? Or just good greek myth retellings in general? I have started Circe. Also, do you have any recommendations for like good places to start learning more about the original myths? I know about Theoi but I'd love other resources if you have them? Thank yoooooooou <3

yes! many.

greek myth retellings i've read and enjoyed:

circe, the song of achilles by madeline miller

stone blind, a thousand ships by natalie haynes

the penelopiad by margaret atwood

lore by alexandra bracken

mythos, heroes, trojan by stephen fry

autobiography of red by anne carson

resources for greek mythology:

the iliad by homer (translated by richard lattimore, robert fagles, or emily wilson, whose edition is set to debut this fall)

the odyssey by homer (translators same as previous, though wilson's is already available)

an oresteia trans. by robert fagles, anne carson

grief lessons trans. by anne carson

sophocles, electra trans. by anne carson

sophokles, antigone trans. by anne carson

fragments of sappho trans. by anne carson

metamorphoses by ovid (albeit roman fanfiction of greek mythology, but verbose, heady, and necessary)

the homeric hymns

mythology: timeless tales of gods and heroes by edith hamilton

i would also like to loop in @andromedaexists, who studies classics, and @authoralexharvey, a hellenistic pagan, as they read widely and probably have a host of recommendations themselves.

[peregrination-studies]

24 books in 2024

It is 2024, and I am here yet again with my bookish hopes and dreams!

I did this challenge last year (available here), and in 2022 (available here), and I'm STOKED to do it again this year! As is my way, I have been planning and revising this list for some time. My Goodreads overfloweth with ideas.

As always, if you have book recs, please send them my way! And, if you're participating in the challenge this year, I'd love to see your lists!

Without further ado, I gladly present to you my 24 in '24 book list:

Sci-Fi and Just for Fun :)

1) Randomize by Andy Weir (read April 2024)

2) Next by Michael Crichton (read May 2024)

3) Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick (read April 2024)

4) With a Little Luck by Marissa Meyer (read February 2024)

Environmental Science/Ecology/Books Relevant to my Studies

5) Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth by Buckminster Fuller (read April 2024)

6) Must Love Trees: An Unconventional Guide by Tobin Mitnick (read April-November 2024)

7) Scientifically Historica: How the World’s Great Science Books Chart the History of Knowledge by Brian Clegg (read November 2024)

8) Letters to a Young Scientist by Edward O. Wilson (read November 2024)

Reading Around the World

9) The Eighth Continent: Life, Death and Discovery in the Lost World of Madagascar by Peter Tyson (Madagascar)

10) Everything is Wonderful: Memories of a Collective Farm in Estonia by Sigrid Rausing (Estonia) (read April-November 2024)

11) Willoughbyland: England’s Lost Colony by Matthew Parker (Suriname)

12) A General Theory of Oblivion by José Eduardo Agualusa and Daniel Hahn (Translator) (Angola) (read November 2024)

Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge/Classics

13) The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (read April 2024)

14) The Second Sex by Simone De Beauvoir, H.M. Parables (Translator and Editor), and Deirdre Bair (Introduction) (read December 2024)

15) Gidget by Frederick Kohner (read November 2024)

16) Bel Canto by Ann Patchett (read December 2024)

Recommended by Friends

17) Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (recommended by @hedonism-tattoo and many, many others) (read December 2024)

18) Howl’s Moving Castle by Diane Wynne Jones (also recommended by many people now. @permanentreverie posted about it recently tho, and that was what really made me decide to include it on this list!) (read April 2024)

19) Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson (recommended by @daydreaming-optimist ) (read April 2024)

20) The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux (recommended by @kaillakit) (read May 2024)

Eco-Psychology

21) Ecopsychology by Lester R. Brown (read December 2024)

22) Against Purity: Living Ethically in Compromised Times by Alexis Shotwell (read April 2024)

23) Radical Ecopsychology: Psychology in the Service of Life by Andy Fisher and David Abram (foreword) (read December 2024)

24) Sight and Sensibility: the Ecopsychology of Perception by Laura Sewall

Bonus

25) Bride by Ali Hazelwood (read February 2024)

26) Open Heart Surgery by Johanna Leo (read March 2024)

27) A Short History of the World in 50 Books by Daniel Smith

28) Candy Hearts by Tommy Siegel (read February 2024)

No pressure tagging: @daydreaming-optimist @kaillakit @permanentreverie @noa-the-physicist @silhouette-of-sarah @captaindelilahbard @senatorhotcheeto @the-bibliophiles-bookshelf @skyekg @of-the-elves @obesecamels @courageisneverforgotten @willowstea @its-me-satine @deirdrerose @notetaeker @theskittlemuffin and anyone else who wants to do this!

[sweet-villain]

Cutting Too Deep~3~Final

Part 2

Angst

Words : 5.5k

@babyloutattoo89 @palomam18 @becca-alexa @sadbitchfangirl @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @djkeruigbbygirl @haileighboi @bookshelf-dust @moonchildquinn @strangerfreak

“ Please, Steve” you begged him following him around Family Video trying to get him to agree to be your fake boyfriend.

He shook his head while taking things out of the box that came in not long ago. 

“ It’s not going to hurt anyone, Stevie” you jutted out your bottom lip with your eyes pleading like puppy dog eyes.

Steve didn’t even need to look at you to know what you were doing. “ Y/N, I said no.” 

“ Why not?” Steve sighed, shaking his head. 

“ Because you can’t just use people!” He shouted turning around, anger in his eyes.

He put a hand on his chest. “ I’m a person with feelings too. You’re not going to use me just piss Munson off.” 

“ But Steve I-“ he pointed a finger at you, spatting the next words, “ When did you turn out to be such an asshole?” 

You gasped at the words, eyes widen hearing the words from him.

“ Excuse me?” His lips threw in a thin line as he turned back to the box. He didn’t really mean to be so angry with you but he knew you were playing a dangerous game with someone else’s feelings.

As much as he didn’t like Eddie, but he tolerated him because of you. 

“ Fine, I won’t use the precious Steve Harrington. I thought we were friends. I guess not” Steve’s hands landed on the opened box, he sighed hearing you walk out of the back room and heading to the front where Robin hid behind a shelf listening in the conversation. 

You didn’t even bother to say bye to her and heading to your car where you angrily drove away. 

It wasn’t until two days later where you walked through the doors with Andy by your side with his jacket around your shoulders.

Chrissy and Jason on the other side of yours as your hand was in Andy’s hand. Heads turned with wide eyes as they saw you with them. Since when did that happen? 

Gareth, Dustin, Mike, the freak and Jeff all turned to see you. Mouth dropped. 

“ Since when is she dating one of them?!” Dustin shouted. 

“ How have we missed the memo?” 

“ What’s up my little sheeps?” Eddie walks over to them not really paying attention to what they were looking at until his eyes landed on you. His mouth felt dry, and his heart felt like someone threw it in the trash and put it through a thrasher.

Everything in him felt cold and unwanted. He felt like he was in someone else’s body.

He couldn’t believe it. You felt like a bunch of bricks hit him of betrayal. How could you? 

His nose scrunched up in disgust. You happen to walk by making sure to pull Andy down to kiss him on the cheek.

Right in front of Eddie who angrily watching this unfold. His throat build up and he can’t swallow the lump in his throat. 

His hands are shaking and his eyes fill with tears.

It was like his chest was clenching together finding it harder and harder to breathe. He collapsed against the lockers as he felt his chest burning and tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“ Eddie?” Jeff calls out to him. “ Are you okay, man?”

Eddie doesn’t answer him as his vision blurs with tears and he can’t take this emotion. He feels like everything inside of him has erupted and he’s not the person he is. He feels everything running through him. 

He stands up to push past anyone in his way as he needs to get some air. He feels like he’s about to throw up and he hasn’t ate anything today yet.

He pushes the door opened, stumbling through people, tears rolling down his cheeks as his hands come up his knees as he chokes out whatever is bothering him in his mouth. 

A hand rubs his back while he’s having this panic attack that he thinks he’s having.

He feels everything just trying to get out and he hates it. He hates you for making him feel like that. 

“ I’m sorry, Eddie” the sound of Dustin’s voice fills his ears. Eddie doesn’t look back and shakes his head. Dustin continues to rubs Eddie’s back. 

“ Maybe you should go home” he suggest. Eddie sobs more and coughs even more as his hands are shaking. People are looking at him with disgust as they walk past him.

“ Move along! Nothing to see here!” Dustin says. He sends a sympathetic look towards Eddie’s way and Eddie seems to calm down a bit as he stands back up, wiping with the back of his hand the salvia, snot and whatever else with the back of his sleeve. 

Dustin fishes out a napkin from his backpack that his mom usually adds in, just in case. 

“ Here” he hands Eddie a napkin which Eddie takes and wipes his eyes away. Dustin has never seen Eddie act like this and looks at the school back in concern. 

“ I’ll call Wayne to come pick you up” Dustin says. “ Let me call him” he says. Eddie puts his hands on Dustin’s shoulder and shakes his head. 

“ Thanks, Henderson but he’s at work and there is no need to bother him” Dustin shoots him a disapproving look.

“But you’re not feeling well” Dustin mutters. 

“ I’ll be fine, I need a smoke. Thanks, Henderson. You can go back to class” Dustin shakes his head as he looks back at the school again. “ I could always tell my mom I had to look after you for skipping class, she would understand. She loves you.” 

“ Henderson, go to class” Eddie pleads. “ I’ll be fine” he took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket off his jacket and lights one up. 

Dustin sighs and says, “ If you need anything, you know where to find me. I can go get Gareth or Jeff.” He points back at the school. 

“ Henderson, get your butt to class before I kick it” he says. The cigarette hanging in the corner of his mouth. 

Dustin nods as he squeezes Eddie’s shoulder and heads towards the school. Eddie looks towards the school and sighs to himself. 

He was getting a big headache from all of this. 

Andy kept putting his arm around you all through the day. You hadn’t seen Eddie for the rest of the day and getting looks from the rest of the Hellfire table, mostly glares.

Dustin didn’t say a word to you when he passed you in the hall. You were a bit hurt by this but you felt like you were digging a hole with this game you were playing at. 

At lunch, you walked past the Hellfire table hearing them stop talking as they turned to glare your way.

Dustin had taken a piece of sandwich with a mouthful he glared at you while you stopped at the table.

“ You look a little lost there Y/N” you heard the sound of Stephanie’s voice. “ Were you hoping to catch Munson?” She asked as she stands in front of you now with her hands on her hips. 

“ Awe look at you with little hope in her eyes that her little friends don’t like her anymore, tough. No one likes you anymore,  you’re such a sad little nobody” she took the milk from your lunch and opened it. 

“ Look at what your wearing even, god do you even know how to dress?” You look down at your outfit as everyone turned to glance at you. 

“ Did you really think dating Andy would do you any good? He feels sorry for you, little girl. No one would date such a nerd like you. You’re a living joke” she laughs, her little group laughs with her as she pours over your head. 

You gasped feeling some get into your eyes, the cafeteria laughed at what happened. You felt eyes on you as tears filled your eyes. 

“ Leave her alone!” Someone shouted. Everyone turns their heads to see Robin standing at the door with her hands on her hips. You thought she wasn’t your friend anymore.

“ What are you going to do about it?” Stephanie asked. Robin stomped her way over getting her own tray with food spilling it into the garbage and taking the tray, slamming it over her head. Everyone gasped even the Hellfire table as they watched. You hadn’t thought Robin would do this. 

She grabbed your hand and the two of you ran out of the cafeteria all the way to the bathroom.

She closed the door with her back, leaning against it as she laughed while you joined her. It was only a few moments until the both of you stopped, to catch your breathe. 

“ Are you okay?” She asked making her way over to you and gets a paper towel as she try to reach out to help you.

You turned to look at the mirror at yourself seeing the milk drenched your hair, your shirt drenched in ilk and you looked like a horror show happened to you. 

“ I will be” you mumbled turning on the faucet to wash your hair. She stands behind you looking into the mirror.

“ I’m sorry this happened to you” you shrugged, sniffling.

“ It’s like I deserved it” you mumbled. You turn off the faucet and turn your hair to the side putting it in a side pony tail. “ I think I’ll head home. I don’t feel like going to the rest of my classes.”

“ Do you want me to come with you?” 

You shook your head. 

“ Thank you, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s just milk” she shook her head.

“ I meant, what happen earlier with Stephanie?” 

“ You handle it, Robs. I didn’t know you had in you and with a swing like that” she shrugged, a small hint of red on her cheeks. “ I’ve learned from the best” she says, a slight smirk on her face. 

You chuckled, and a shrug. 

“ I’ll see you later” she squeezed your shoulder as she headed out first, looking out in the hallway in case Stephanie would be standing out there.

When the coast was clear, she signaled for you to come out. You followed her and looked around yourself and headed towards your locker to get your back pack. 

When you were heading out to your, there in the parking lot was Eddie’s van wide open in the back.

You paused in your step debating weather to check on him or making your way to your car where it was close to his van where he would see you leaving. 

You sighed to yourself heading to your car thinking he didn’t want to have anything to do with you after all the harm you caused but you were only doing it because of what he did with Stephanie. For revenge. 

But you felt like you were losing your friends from all of this. 

You fished your keys out of your pocket, the jingle has altered Eddie on it as he sat up in the van as his eyes landed on you.

His eyes roamed your hair seeing it dried up and looks different. He saw your shirt soaked and put two and two that something has happened. 

He watches you fight to open your car with a mutter of curse words underneath your breath. He always found it so cute how you would mutter such words in a cute way and your nose scrunched up in annoyance too.

You managed to open the car, and slip inside, starting it. You let it run as you leaned your head back against your seat not even noticing that Eddie has been watching you from the back of his van. 

You leaned back to put the car in reverse when you notice he was watching you and you made eye contact with him.

There was a slight wanting to wave at him, to show him some greeting but you sat still looking at him as he looked at you. 

He looked so sad and lonely. 

The two of you remained eye contact until it started to pour which made Eddie break his eye  contact as he stared up at the grey sky filled with sadness.

He scooted closer as the scent of rain fills him, closing his eyes as it soothes him. You watch him as he looks up at the sky looking like he was the most beautiful person you have ever seen in that moment. 

You were in awe of him even if he caused you pain. You can’t forgive him for the damage he has done.

He opened his eyes and noticed your car still stood there as he glanced back down to see you have been watching him.

He put out the cigarette and dropped it on the ground to stomp on it before he shut the back of the doors of the van and hurried into the van.

The roaring of the van brought you out of your thoughts as you started yours, driving away and passing Eddie who watched you drive away.

He wondered why you were staring at him like that. 

You sat in your room later that night, reading a book in your bed when there was a knock at the door. 

“ I’m not hungry, mom” you shouted to her. The door opened to reveal that it wasn’t your mom standing there but none other than Steve Harrington. You put the book down in your lap curious why he was there. 

“ Why are you here?” You asked, “ thought you hated me.” He sighed as he shook his head making his way over to you to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“ Robin told me what happened today, didn’t know she got an arm on her” you chuckled. 

“ She has her surprises” he chuckled along with you. But he hasn’t turned to look at you as his eyes stared into his hands that were in his lap. 

“ You know he never deserved you in the first place” he says. Your eyebrow shoots up in surprise. “ What do you mean?” 

“ Eddie Munson isn’t good for you, no matter how much you want to believe he is” Steve says. You shifted that you sat next to him with your hand on his arm. 

“ I loved him, you know?” You mumbled, Steve turns his head to sadly look at you and nods his head. “ You believe that even after he hurts you, that there is a chance that someday he’s going to be with you again?” 

“ I know it’s stupid” you sighed turning to look down at your lap. Two fingers lift up your chin to make you look at him. 

“ Nothing you do is stupid” he says. “ He’s the stupid one for hurting you. I mean, Stephanie Peters? She’s such a mess of a bush.” 

It caused you to chuckle.

“ Thanks” you nodded. 

“ You know I could never hate you, how could someone as sweet as you, hate you?” 

“ There are people” you shrugged. 

“ Are you doing okay?” He asked placing his hand on your knee. The heat from his hand radiates bringing you comfort in a way. 

“ I am, thank you for coming in and checking in on me.” 

“ It’s part of my job, being your best friend” he knocks his shoulder into yours. You knocked into his. 

“ We’re all good?” You asked.

“ I promise” Steve says holding out his pinky for you. You chuckled seeing the goofy look on his face lifting your own pinky up hooking around his. 

“ A mess of a bush? What even is that? Did you come up with that on your own?” Steve rolled his eyes as he grumbled underneath his breathe how he hates you.

He doesn’t really hate you, it just came to his head when he was thinking about it. 

“ Oh shut it, it flew in my head and came out. You know what? Forget even about it” 

You laughed knocking into his shoulder this time sending him almost flying off the bed. He caught himself shooting you a dirty look while you stuck out your tongue.

You were glad to have someone like Steve in your life. 

It’s been a couple of more weeks since all you and Eddie have been doing is looking at one another like your life depended on it.

Your friends were growing tired of it, even though Eddie was an asshole on hurting you, yet you still hoped. There was hope in your eyes from Robin over looking at you reading you like a book. 

“ You know, staring isn’t going to do anything? If you honestly wanted to talk to him then go” she says, an annoying look on her face. “ Pick up your balls and go talk to the man for crying out loud.” 

“ It’s not that easy” 

She hums, rolling her eyes. Of course, it wasn’t easy. You don’t even remember the last time you had a real conversation with Eddie and yet be alone in the room with him.

Eddie rubbed his face as he yawned leaning forward on the lunch table as he looked around until his very eyes caught yours. But it was too soon to hope that you’d continue to look at him. 

You looked away as soon as he looked over. 

“ God, you two are annoying” Jeff says.

This brought Eddie’s attention as he turns his head, with one of his eyebrows hiding underneath his bangs as he waits for him to continue. 

“ It’s everyday the same thing, every time. You two need to talk to each other or not look at each other waiting for a miracle to happen” Jeff continues.

“ If you want to be with her, then talk to her.” 

“ It’s not that easy” Eddie mutters. “ Besides she doesn’t want anything to do with me.” 

“ Right, and why does she keep staring at you like a lot puppy waiting to be cuddled?” Mike asked. Eddie glared at him flicking a pretzel his way. 

“ You don’t know what your talking about Wheeler.” 

The Hellfire club sighed to themselves as this was another day and another stared down between the two of you. 

Later that night, you walked downstairs to dinner seeing your mom setting up the table. 

“ Hey mom” she puts down a fork and turned her head seeing you standing there twisting the end of your shirt and nervously looking at her. 

“ What is it, hunny? Did something happen? Are you okay?” She asks. You dropped your shirt that you were twisting and walk over her to throw your arms around her waist.

She is surprise by your actions since the two of you don’t do hugging much. She wraps her own arms around you after drying her hands with the front of her shirt and looks down. 

“ Did someone hurt you?” She frowns feeling her shirt become wet from your tears as she cups your face with one hand.

Your lips are doing a duck face while fresh tears are strolling down your cheeks. You had no idea what to do with yourself with the whole Eddie situation. 

You begin to tell her what happened and what Eddie has done to hurt you, your mom was someone you loved talking to when it came to advice and coming to with struggles.

She always lends you an ear and listens. When you were done, your mother’s heart was in two from her baby feeling so hurt and so lost. 

“ You know what I used to do when my feelings were hurt?” You shook your head.

She moved away from you and headed to the living room where you followed her, confused on why she knelt down in front of cabinet that held some of her memories that you knew about. Not all of them since she didn’t want you snooping there. She knows the curious mind you have. 

“ What are you looking for?” You sit down besides her as she pulls out some notebooks that are bent and full of dust. She blows on top of them and brushes away the remaining of the dust from the notebooks and flips the pages. 

Pages upon pages were filled with writings. 

“ What is all of this?” She gently smiles as she remembers what they are to herself and continues to flip the pages. Your eyes run over the words seeing them as they were poetry. 

“ I used to love to write poetry and come up with little songs in my head. Never really shared it with anyone besides your father who adored my little notes and letters I wrote to him.” 

“ Can I look?” You motioned to the unopened notebook near her legs and she nods her head letting you go through her things. You slide the notebook over your lap and flipped through the pages.

Your fingers brush over the hand writing as the pages were no longer white or any color that you thought was passable for a notebook. She watches you in wonder. 

“ Why don’t you write your feelings down and see what you come up with?” She suggest with her eyebrow raised. “ Who knows? You might come up with something extraordinary.” 

You had heard what she has said but you were too busy reading your mother’s words and her feelings. She wrote about her feelings for a boy she liked before your father you thought.

But then you continue to read and they were about your father from the first day she met him to the day she married him. 

You flipped to the last page of the notebook where it had a short like poetry but it wasn’t about your father.

It was about you.

Your mother describes you as her joy, as her angel and as her miracle. She says you were the most wonderful thing to happen to her and that she was always going to be there for you, till you needed her. 

Tears well up in your eyes as you stared up at your mother who look at you with concern on her face. 

“ What is it?” 

“ I love you” you threw your arms around her waist and laid your head in her lap where she smiled down at you and ran her fingers through your hair while humming to you. The humming seemed to fit on what you had read. 

“ My little girl” she says, “ My sweet little miracle baby girl. Mama is always going to here for you.” 

You don’t remember anything else as you fall asleep in her lap as she continues to hum. 

You had taken our mother’s advice going to the store tomorrow on the weekend to get yourself your own notebook where you were going to write down your feelings.

The hurt. The pain. Everything. No it wasn’t a journal. 

The other part of it was that your mom surprised you with your own guitar where she thought music might help you with your feelings and the words you wanted to share into your own notebook. 

“ You’re doing what?” Steve asks as he turns around to face you after hearing that you had picked up music as something you never thought you’d be into doing. Writing songs. 

“ What are you writing about? The songs…” Robin asks as sh walks around one of the shelf. You came to visit them in Family Video thinking they needed to see a familiar face before they got bored and decided to restock every shelf in here.

Keith hasn’t stopped by so you were good. He secretly thinks your cute and you found out from Max who told you with disgust on her face. 

“ My feelings” you shrugged. 

“ Are you writing about, Munson?” Steve asks while Robin shoot him a look like why did you ask that dingus.

Your lips grew in a thin line and there was a lump in your throat you were trying hard to swallow. 

“ What?” Steve asks as he threw his hands up. “ She’s not into him! They haven’t talked! It’s nothing bad if I ask her, right?” He turns to look at you as his eyes plead thinking it’s okay that he asked.

He was a bit worried he made you upset. 

“ It’s alright, I’m working on something and let just say they will be clear as day to him if he ever finds out about it.” 

Suddenly Robin’s eyes grew wide as she reached for your hands, holding them both and the look that she was giving you was a bit scary. You didn’t know what to say about it. 

“ You’re scaring her Robin, what are you doing?” Steve asks. 

“ I have an idea!” Robin shouts. 

“ Why don’t you perform the song at the Hide Out?” She suggest. “ You can show us your new talent and how cool you are.” 

You shook your head, removing your hands away from her giving her she was crazy for even suggesting it. Her eyebrows frowned together seeing you weren’t really liking the idea. She sees the fear in your eyes. 

“ It’s only going to be Steve, and I and possibly five drunks and the bartender” she says like it was going make you feel better.

Because it doesn’t, you know that Eddie comes into the Hide Out to sit in the back, sometimes play pool with Gareth and Jeff.

It was their spot to perform too. You didn’t want to run into him.

“ I can’t” Steve frowns as he leans on his elbows on the counter. 

“ He won’t be there if that’s what your worried about. I’ll tell Henderson to keep him busy” Steve suggests.

You look between Robin and Steve seeing the pleading look on their faces. They were really proud of how you were handling this with Eddie and letting your feelings known through something like music. 

“ Fine, you win but only if I can get movies free for the whole year” you point toward Steve. “ Don’t you dare tell Keith.” 

“ He won’t even know, I promise you” Robin offers you a smile as she places her hand on your shoulder. “ I’m happy you took this outlet and your turning a new leaf.” 

You supposed it was a new leaf and things were looking up for you. You were doing something you never imagined to do. You always thought that Eddie was the talented one and here you were, finding out you had your own talent to share. 

Maybe performing at the Hide Out would’t be as bad as you thought. If only you knew how stubborn Eddie was and he wasn’t about to miss playing pool at the Hide Out.

Dustin kept trying to push Eddie away from coming to the Hide Out. 

“ What are you hiding, Henderson?” Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at Dustin. “ It’s a surprise for me? It’s not my birthday, you know?” Dustin had his hands on either side of the Hide Out door preventing from him from coming in.

Eddie did miss Steve’s car in the parking lot as he was too busy smoking a cigarette and fixing his jacket to notice it was there. 

He heard music coming from inside and his head tilted as his eyes scanned the building and listened to the voice.

He can’t put a face to it or the voice on where he heard it. Does he know this person? 

“ ….Dustin, who’s playing in there?” He asked.

“ Uh.. no one!” Dustin shook his head, “ Not a single soul. Just a bum.” Dustin shrugged. He knew who it was and was told clearly by both Robin and Steve to not let Eddie into the Hide Out.

He had one job.

Yet the doors flew opened with Eddie tackling Dustin to the ground, the commotion has brought silence as the music has stopped. You were on stage with a guitar in your hands while standing with the microphone too, singing when Eddie came crashing in.

His head shot up to the stage and his eyes grew wide seeing that it was you who was singing. He stood up from Dustin who groaned in pan on the ground.

“…. And your not going to help me, right..” Dustin sat up. 

“ Henderson, you had one job!” Steve shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. 

“ I’m sorry! He tackled me, I didn’t really think he would do that. He’s heavy too. I’m one person. Should of had Hopper be the look out then!” Dustin shouted. 

While the two went back and forth at each other, Eddie looks up at you with wonder. 

“ You sing?” He asked. “ Since when do you play guitar?” He asked. “ Who taught you?” He sounded hurt that someone else taught you how to play and you didn’t come to him out of everyone. 

“ Boy, sit down!” One of the drunks shouted at him. Eddie threw him his middle finger not even looking at him as his eyes were locked on you. 

“ Are you going to finish?” Eddie asks. “ The song? What’s it about?” He asks. 

“ You” was the only thing you told him into the microphone. He puts his hands on his chest feeling his heart race that you wrote something about him. He thought it was sweet. 

“ Oh sweetheart..” 

Robin snorted all of sudden catching Eddie’s attention. 

“ Something funny to you, Buckley?” 

“ It’s not what you think, Munson” Eddie’s eyebrows pinched together in confusion when Robin shouts to you to finish the song that you were signing. Eddie turns his head once he hears the sound of your voice.

“ Twinkle twinkle, little boy, do you know I'm not a toy?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise hearing the lyrics. “ I don't wanna be a part of your broken heart” his jaw clenched tight at the words. 

“Twinkle twinkle, little boy, don't you know I'm not a toy?” His nose twitched as he understood what kind of song this was.“ Are you scared of what you are? Lonely in the bar.” 

As the song continued, the more he grew angered at it, at you, at the lyrics but his felt his eyes brim with tears feeling eyes watching and listening. He wasn’t alone listening to this.

He had hurt you and he understand. For days the both of you were looking at each other with hope and now you came to a decision. 

Which he didn’t like. 

He stomped his way over to the stage where you were still singing into it and ripped the microphone away from you.

The bar became silent as gasps were heard. You threw him a surprise looked and stepped away thinking he was going to throw the microphone.

“ Enough” he stated. “ You don’t know mean this” he barks. 

You shrugged turning around to walk off this stage where he chases you into the backstage area where he takes your wrist and turns you around to face him. 

“ What was that?” Eddie asks, hurt in his tone. 

“ My feelings, and my talent” you responded. 

“ I know I’ve heard you and I’m sorry, I’ve apologized to you and I don’t know what else you want me to do. Please..” He begs as he takes your face with both his hands but you feel like your a whole different person when he touches you.

You don’t want to be near him anymore. You don’t want this and don’t need this. You were going to move on even though you weren’t healed from the wound he has placed but you deserved better.

Eddie wasn’t it. 

“ You’ve heard me loud and clear, Munson. I don’t know what else do you want me to stay. I don’t want you to beg. I don’t want you to cry. I don’t even want to hear the sound of you voice. You did the damage and now you get to live with the fact that you mean nothing to me” you spatted in his face, pushing his chest. 

“ No…” he shook his head. “ You love me..” He adds. 

“ I don’t know, you’re just a lonely boy in the bar” you patted his chest and turns around to walk to you friends leaving him to have a fit as he kicks and stomps.

He’s doing his little tantrum while you fall into the seat sitting by Robin and Steve as they both offer you a drink, Dustin throws you an apologetic look from earlier. 

“ You’re forgiven, Henderson” he lets out a breathe of relief as he sips on his own drink which was a coke.

He turns to look over to spot where Eddie has gone to see him sitting on the side stage with his shoulder shaking with his head down. He decides to make his way over to him to keep him company feeling a little bad for his friend. 

“ I loved her, Henderson” Eddie mutters through his tears. He falls into Dustin’s lap as he continues to cry.

Dustin puts his hand on his back and rubs it not really saying anything. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and lets Eddie cry into his lap.

You turn to look where Dustin has went off to see him comforting Eddie. 

“ Don’t even bother, you’re moving onto greater things” Robin say picking up her glass. “ To better things.” She says. You pick up your own and Steve joins. 

“ To better things” the three of you clink glasses, cheering as you laugh seeing Steve spill his own drink as it falls onto his hand and on the table. 

“ Nice one, dingus”