#andy from child’s play

[hidingoutbackstage]

I’m gonna make a longer post at some time but one of my biggest niche pet peeves as a horror fan is when my favorite parts of iconic horror movies/franchises are the main character who defeats the villain, but bc these franchises got so big the killer is the only part of it the average person knows and thus the later movies in the franchise abandon those main characters to focus on the villain and it often loses the heart of what made the og movie(s) so good

[barclaysangel]

Andy, to Chucky after seeing how old he is now: Don’t worry. It’s just Damballa punishing you ‘cause you’re a ginger.

[morganandtheemorgana]

Let’s hope for the new Chucky movie its centers back to Andy and Kyle as characters since they’re the most underuse of them all in film and series as well Donny boy stepping away from the writers room.

[lisafication]

This post is uh, extremely normal I swear

So hello yes I am absolutely On My Bullshit regarding my new favourite game. 

That’s right, it’s the cannibal incest game, The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. And I’m here to shove five thousand words of pretentious analysis down your throat because, and I do not exaggerate, I think it is one of, if not the best written game I have ever played. And I have played a lot of games, including Baldur’s Gate 3, Final Fantasy XIV and Undertale, to name a few narrative luminaries to come to mind.

That wordcount is not an exaggeration. My brainworms are extremely powerful and now you can share them with me as I walk you through my insane skyscraper of inference-driven analysis.

Or you can click away. I really wouldn’t blame you, it’s quite a lot.

Content Warnings: …Yes?

(To drop the bit for a moment, The Coffin of Andy and Leyley covers extremely disturbing material and challenges you to examine aspects of living in this world that many have taken for granted all their life, it is not a comfortable game, this will cover similar topics and will often echo the game’s unremitting scepticism on basic principles of society and humanity and you should look after yourself first. My Content Warning is framed as a joke, but it’s also quite real in that the game is designed to make you uncomfortable and there’s no shame in that not being for you.)

This was originally posted on and formatted for Sufficient Velocity, and you can probably more easily read and discuss it with me here.

With that said, let’s dig in. I have had to split this into multiple posts because tumblr will only allow so many images. There will be spoilers for all endings.

She’s excited, are you?

It’s All About Ashley

It really is, isn’t it? I mean, for approximately eighty percent of the total game as currently released and the entirety of Episode 1, you’re in control of Ashley, just as she’s in control of her and Andrew’s relationship for 80% of the game, up until the various ending sequences where it begins to slip. The only other characters who really matter at all in and of themselves are Andrew and her mother — and the former is under her thumb, and she eats the latter. It’s all about Ashley. Even her obsession with Andrew is, ultimately, about Ashley.

But who is Ashley? What is Ashley? Why is Ashley, even? Let’s take a look.

Ashley as presented to us in Episode 1 is very straightforward, so let’s list off the traits we’re given — she is malicious, she is fearless, she lacks empathy, she doesn’t have anything resembling a conscience, she demands Andrew belong to her and her alone, she has him at her beck and call.

In Episode 2, we’re ostensibly shown how she has him at her beck and call— she leverages the threat of reporting Nina’s death over him and had him swear to be with her forever. We’re shown that even as a child she was “just, like that” — but as a child, she hadn’t learnt to live with it yet, to laugh at the farce of it all.

Yeah, exactly like that!

And she does this throughout Episode 1 — The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is a remarkably silly game much of the time, finding moments of absurdity and levity against a backdrop blacker than pitch — and most of the time, your internal narration is coming from Ashley and the jokes will not-infrequently come at her own expense.

She will later get negged by her human sacrifice for her poor ritual circle drawing

Her reaction to being told that her soul is as dark and viscous as tar is “You guess you already knew that” — it’s confirmation to her, not new information. Ashley knows who she is. But who taught her this? There’s layers to this, nothing in this game is as simple and straightforward as it appears at first sight, which is why I’ve been obsessing over it for days.

While it’s common in fiction, the truth of the matter is, most ‘bad people’ really do think they’re good people. But Ashley has never once thought of herself as a good person — or perhaps better put as a person worthy of love — as we learn across Episodes 1 & 2, with our flashbacks to Andy and Leyley and the VERY VERY QUIET!!!

I really wish I had space in this essay to talk about this, but I’d like to touch on these being traits usually more easily forgiven in young boys than young girls at some point.

If she removes all other options, only then can she expect him to like her.

This is something that is echoed in the modern day — her seeming self-assurance is easily shaken and she reaches out to the world — usually Andrew — to affirm and validate her, soothing her insecurities, using any tool she deems necessary. Even when her life is on the line when Andrew has her by the throat at the climax of Episode 1, the only ‘compelling reason’ she can give Andrew to not kill her is her ability to soothe his nightmares. When he tells her there are sleeping pills for that…

Most people would have a bit more to argue for their existence.

While she, unlike Andrew, acknowledges having had friends before the quarantine… you know she’s got a point that they didn’t even bother to answer her calls, that was clearly not something the state was interfering with given Andrew’s calls with his mother and his girlfriend, and given her general demeanour it’s not hard to imagine that… they weren’t ever very close. When we see her and Nina talk in the infamous ‘box scene’, it’s clear that Nina doesn’t like her very much, despite Andrew’s assessment of Nina as being one of Ashley’s friends.

We see further support for her general lack of companionship in her dream sequence in the Burial route — Leyley and Leyley Alone. No matter what you do, you can’t place the pink plushy at the family table, the flowers won’t bloom if you give the Julia and Nina plushies her own as a companion instead of Andrew’s — and if you’re bold enough to go for the ‘incest route’, in the ‘Love’ room you see that no one ever looks happy to be with her in the childlike depictions of her history, nor is she happy in turn, save for when she’s with Andrew. In a bit of heavy-handed metaphor, the player then overwrites all of these tense, upset, hard moments with Andrew, having him fill in for everyone else in life — and happy with her.

Once Upon A Lousy Life…

THE END

And that’s why she needs him to affirm her, because no one else ever has and no one else ever will. It’s even included in their comic beats — when the siblings are getting along well, they’ll often play a game where Andrew dramatically overpraises Ashley while she demands more; it’s a comedic bit but I mean — it really does matter to her!

For the record, she opened a door. She gets a little heart in a speech bubble after this exchange.

We have a great example of this dynamic, that of insecurity and affirmation, in Episode 1, after Andrew has killed for her, butchered for her, his girlfriend broke up with her, he’s seemingly thrown his entire life away for her… she’s still insecure over her relationship with him, she’s uncertain of her control and she needs him to reaffirm it for her.

This is her victory, surely?

Andrew affirms her once, with his usual dead-eyed look.

But she's still not so sure.

He actively reaches out to affirm her again with cheer.

Look how happy she is!

While it’s most obvious and clear cut here, it’s hardly the only case. Let’s look back to the aftermath of Andy and Leyley and the VERY VERY QUIET!!! (I’m not using the other name). Leyley is, after similarly extreme acts — he murdered a girl and hid her body for her — convinced Andy doesn’t like her and she needs this leverage to keep him around, to meet her basic needs for survival. Because that’s what this is — she receives no care of affection elsewhere, so she forces it out of the only source she sees available through the means she sees as necessary.

I really hope we see some of their earlier childhood in Episode 3

What exactly made her like this? Was it just neglect, or something more specific…

She needs this to be the case because otherwise she doesn’t believe he’d stay.

This pattern repeats throughout — Ashley’s insecurities are hit on and she reaches out to Andy to affirm that she is not alone, and she will use any and every tool to exploit her ostensible control over him and force him to be what she needs him to be — and as long as she has that, as long as she is everything to him and it’s not possible for him to leave, she’s happy. As long as she thinks he loves her in her very particular, very peculiar view of love, she’s content, come what may. As long as Andy and Leyley are together, they can take on the world.

Let’s talk about that view of love, because there’s always more layers to unpack here I’m only scratching the surface with this essay — Ashley consistently refers to anyone else Andrew may have befriended or spent time with as a whore, a slut, a bitch — highly gendered insults that bring to mind the idea that he’s cheating in some way. But it’s not even about sex — when Andrew mentions that their parents had friends, she accuses them of cheating on each other in the same way!

There’s a lot to unpack about Ashley’s view of femininity and the role the patriarchy plays in their relationship.

Any kind of emotional engagement, any kind of commitment, any kind of life outside of your significant other is, to Ashley, cheating. Because that’s what she needs from Andrew, a seeming complete and total commitment, secure in her place as the only thing in his life, because she cannot understand anyone picking her if they have a choice.

This insecurity she has in her relationship is what drives her to empower the trinket — he can’t leave her as long as she can protect him with prophetic dreams, after all. She needs every kind of leverage she can get because until she succeeds in being everything to him, in devouring him so completely she has him in her thrall mind, body and soul she can’t be sure of herself — hell, her dream sequence in Burial has you placing Andrew’s signature green plushy, ‘the best thing in the world’ in a cage far away from anything else.

Ultimately, it really is all about Ashley — even her seeming obsession with Andrew ultimately comes back to her own insecurities. If she is everything to ‘the best thing in the world’, some of that ‘best’ must surely reflect on her! 

But that’s enough about the more normal, straightforward and understandable sibling. 

That was not a joke.

Andrew’s Rank 100 Deception

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he did not exist.

Let me explain.

You might have noticed that in the previous section I often use language such as ‘ostensibly’ or ‘seemingly’ to describe Andy and Leyley’s relationship, and there’s a good reason for that. From the beginning of the game through to its end, Andrew is lying to you, the player, without ever falsely representing or misinforming you about events that occurred.

The common, or obvious ‘initial take’ on Andrew as presented in Episode 1 is fairly straightforward. The game primes you to think this way, it frames things and strings reveals just right so as to make it very easy to overlook the incongruities it introduces in Episode 2. He’s a victim. Plain and simple, Ashley is his abuser and he is her victim and would be fine, a normal albeit kinda depressed guy without her.

It really is not a difficult conclusion to draw

You can go all the way through the game, have him try to accept his mother’s olive branch and enter the Decay route as a method for him to finally actualise his desire to get out from Ashley’s thumb and it makes sense, it’s a reasonable way for the story to go, given his character.

You see him this way because the game primes you in Episode 1 to view their relationship like Andrew does — he’s lying. He’s lying to himself, he’s lying to Ashley and he’s so good at it — Deception Rank 100 — he even lies to you. Without misrepresenting a single event or otherwise misleading you directly, the game gets you to buy into his preferred self-perception. Nina? Ashley. Julia? Ashley. The murders they commit in the course of the game? Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, it’s not his fault he’s not to blame he’s just a doormat at the beck and call of his demonic sister.

But he wants to be there. From the very outset, the very first puzzle, that’s made clear. Does anyone else remember this exchange, from right at the beginning of the game?

Ashley wants to investigate the music!

Andrew disapproves…

…Or does he?! 

Like. Listen. Okay. You do not frown when saying ‘Nope’ and then smile when saying that you’ll instead tag along if they do it if your heart is at all in the no. That’s not an objection, that’s using Ashley as his excuse. Especially if you immediately throw her the balcony key that she could not possibly have gotten from you by force (more on Andrew’s ability to use force later).

This is the very first time you control both characters together with Andrew following Ashley instead of off on his own, the first adventure, the first puzzle! 

But put a pin in that for now, let’s talk about his initial framing in Episode 2 first. Episode 1 has set us up to, generally speaking, believe the superficial framing of the siblings as portrayed in its promotional art:

The question that we then ask, right at the heart of it is… why is he a doormat? We explore this in his dream sequence in Episode 2, which does make it clear that the boy’s not okay but— it’s real easy, given the priming from Episode 1 to make you think that he’s the one with the originally functional moral compass, to think that that him being fucked up is damage done to him by Nina’s death and being bound to Ashley for his entire life. She corrupted him.

But, well, is that the case?

You're primed to ignore this as manipulation (which it is) but the best manipulation has some truth to it.

Precisely two things spur Andrew to action in the entire game, consistently — they are the fear of consequences and Ashley. And the first incident of that fear, the very first time we’re shown his seeming moral compass as a kid — the first time it’s really hammered home that it’s a fear of consequences rather than any true moral qualms is after Nina’s death. And why does he fear consequences here?

……

The ‘natural’ read that many take away from this sequence, particularly those who have only played Decay, is that Ashley browbeat him into doing this against his will, using emotional blackmail to overwhelm his objections, and then used the event itself to bind him to her forever as her personal doormat.

In a strict sense, this is true. But this doesn’t match up with the details, something the game uses shock to encourage you to overlook. That outburst is before any kind of threat has been made, and absolutely nothing either of them say anything about it being morally bad until Ashley weaponises ‘you’re a bad person’ against Andrew — morality didn’t seem to enter his mind or the equation at all until Ashley brought it up. More than that, his greatest fear and driving motivation even prior to that is, as shown above, being taken away from Ashley.

She, of course, recognises this and uses it against him. But she never needed to, it didn’t change anything about Andrew’s attachment to her, it was there to address her own insecurities.

Just like to touch on how a lot of his affirmations are preceded by him confirming her insecurities.

I adore this phrasing

There’s a second prong to this as well, to the question of ‘who really calls the shots here’ because — Andrew can, at any stage, apply an ‘ultimate veto’ of physical violence. The game is very clear to the player that that is on the table — even when they were children, when Andy swears their blood oath, he briefly considers killing her — and take note of how he ultimately got a ‘winning’ condition out of her by not specifying there wouldn’t be others and she is forced to accept that, there. Even outside of their most serious confrontations, Ashley is portrayed as having to convince, manipulate or otherwise coerce Andrew into going along with her schemes — she really can’t make him do anything, she doesn’t have the supremacy in violence and, to a lesser extent, capability that would allow her to. 

Andrew, you are like ten years old.

The truth of the matter is, Ashley can only make Andrew do anything because he lets her. I don’t mean in the sense that I’m saying abuse victims let their abusers emotionally abuse them, I mean in the sense that he is clearly considering his options on the table and choosing to discard those that could stop her, or bring an end to any of this. He needs her.

But it’s true that he hates her, too. He has to hate her, because if he doesn’t hate her, if he isn’t forced to have done this, that means… he’s responsible. And nothing, at the start of the story, is as important to Andrew as avoiding the consequences of his own actions, not even Ashley. By the midpoint, he loves her, he hates her, he can’t live without her, he wants to kill her — by the end… well, that depends if you’re on Decay or Burial, but more on that in a bit.

A great scene to study for this dynamic is the climax of Episode 1, when Andrew grabs Ashley by the throat and considers strangling her to death. She’s pushed him too far with hurtful words and assault, and he’s seemingly had enough.

It’s still framed as a question of risk, of consequences happening to him. 

Like, this is not the usual behaviour of someone who’s been pushed past their breaking point.

He tells Ashley that he wants to kill her, because she’s just going to throw another fit and that’s a risk to him. She is… not framed as being able to fight back (she does have a gun here, and more on that in a later essay, maybe). He’s so calculated in how he approaches his use of violence here, which isn’t at all what you’d expect of someone about to commit a crime of passion… but it’s very easy to overlook because of the abuser/victim narrative that the player fits his behaviour into the narrative that the game primes them to accept, brushing incongruities under the carpet.

At the start of Episode 2, we get to control Andrew for the first time, and the first obvious holes in his cover start to show. Some of this is optional — you only learn that he’s been faking having nightmares in order to share a bed with Ashley if you choose to go back into the motel room and check the bed, for example — but not all of it.

----(See reblogs for the second half)

[vintagetvstars]

Alexander Siddig Vs. Jeremy Brett

Last Poll of the Quarter Finals!

Propaganda

Alexander Siddig - (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) - The very first actor I ever had a crush on.

Jeremy Brett - (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, The Three Musketeers, BBC Play of the Month) - "Listen, I fell in love with One Man when I was 16 and have never regretted it. Jeremy Brett is Everything. Handsome, charming, sweet, amazing voice, delightfully eccentric. Shakespearean actor best known for playing Sherlock Holmes in the 80s, he is widely considered the definitive Holmes and for good reason. Bisexual and bipolar, devoted husband, he was known to serenade friends at restraunts and hold scavenger hunts in his home, where he hid the plunger in a chandelier. Often pigeonholed into period pieces, he owned them. He was a pretty young man who became not just handsome but arresting. He was one of those people who walked into a room and instantly commanded attention, and I for one have never regretted giving him my attention." Full text propaganda included below the cut

- No Negative Propaganda Please -

Master Poll List | How to submit propaganda | What is vintage? (FAQ)

Additional propaganda below the cut

Alexander Siddig:

“At my first meeting with Garak I became visibly flustered. That was entirely my choice. It wasn’t written into the script. So I set off in that direction right from the get-go. And Andy (Andrew Robinson) obviously loved it, and that character became a series-long character because of that first scene. It’s an innocuous little scene on one of the little replimats on the station, and it only lasted like five seconds but it packed a punch because of the visible, kind of a charged, discomfort. That really made it. [...] I subconsciously keep that door open with just about every character that I play, and I always keep it as ambiguous as possible. One of my first roles was in [the TV movie] A Dangerous Man: Lawrence After Arabia with Ralph Fiennes and I played Feisal and again, not in the script, but that was charged with homoerotica and implied homosexuality. I’d just come fresh off that project. And I’ve done it numerous times since, characters that are written straight I just make sure are not quite straight. That’s just one of my things, probably because I’m not quite straight myself and that’s probably perfect." - Alexander Siddig in a recent interview with comicsbeat.com

Jeremy Brett:

“The superbly handsome Jeremy Brett, the regularity of his features made dramatic by a broken nose, the mellifluousness of his voice made arresting by a slight vocal impediment, presented a ravaged and romantic Holmes, a man who had suffered deeply and whose recourse to the syringe was the compulsion of a self-destroying temperament. His relationship with Edward Hardwicke’s transparently decent Watson was that of a drowning man clinging to a raft. The authenticity of the performance was unmistakable.” — “The man who created a monster; Conan Doyle hated the fame of his suave hero, but he couldn’t kill him”, Simon Callow, The Times, 18 December 2009.

Listen, I fell in love with One Man when I was 16 and have never regretted it. Jeremy Brett is Everything. Handsome, charming, sweet, amazing voice, delightfully eccentric. Shakespearean actor best known for playing Sherlock Holmes in the 80s, he is widely considered the definitive Holmes and for good reason. Bisexual and bipolar, devoted husband, he was known to serenade friends at restraunts and hold scavenger hunts in his home, where he hid the plunger in a chandelier. He also practiced archery in the middle of London. He could sing, he acted alongside Audrey Hepburn twice. He wanted to be a jockey when he was young but then grew a foot too tall. He had rheumatic fever as a child and was told he would never climb stairs. Dear Reader, he jumped over couches on film. In War and Peace he is very clearly the only actor riding a real horse, and is one of few actors who played both Sherlock Holmes and Watson. Often pigeonholed into period pieces, he owned them. He was a pretty young man who became not just handsome but arresting. He was one of those people who walked into a room and instantly commanded attention, and I for one have never regretted giving him my attention.

[imperatorrrrr]

Rapid Fire w/Nico Hischier

Q: Besides the Devils, which team improved the most last season? A: I think Nashville

Q: Why? A: I mean, they definitely have some great additions, and overall they were a pretty good team last year. So they've gotten some really experienced players and some even more experienced players. I think they've improved a lot.

Q: Has there ever been a Nico Hischier Night at the Rock? A: No, I don't think so. I mean, I once had a Nico and Chico Resch Bobblehead Night.

Q: Let's say you get your own dedicated evening and you get to choose the giveaway. What would it be? A: I would make it so that everyone gets a really good Swiss chocolate.

Q: Is there a particular brand? A: Ragusa or Ovaltine

Q: Not Tolberone? A: No, you can get that everywhere. That doesn't count. But I like it too.

Q: Which athlete inspired you the most as a child? A: I would say Roger Federer. Pretty easy answer for a Swiss. I think he probably inspired a lot of people.

Q: Name one teammate that will surprise people this season. A: Jesper Bratt. It just feels like every summer or every season he has another (big) year. I can also name Luke Hughes. I think he's worked really hard this summer and is ready for his second year, so I'd say Luke as well.

Q: What talent of another player's do you wish you had? Probably Jack's (Hughes) smooth hands. They're pretty smooth, like always, not loud and just smooth.

Q: You probably mentor some of the younger players now. When you came into the league, which teammate was your mentor? A: When I came to the Devils, there were a lot of older players and I had some great mentors. Obviously, Andy Greene, our captain at the time, was one of the players I looked up to. I also remember Brian Boyle being there with me. And of course Travis Zajac, who's been with the Devils for a very long time. For me as a center and also for him as a center, I always watched his game and learned from him, especially the way he always played in our own zone. I think he was at a top level in the D-zone for many years and still created offense. He was definitely an inspiration to me as well, especially watching him on the faceoffs.

Q: What is the next non-hockey trip you would like to take? A: A private trip to Costa Rica.

Q: Is this going to happen or is this just a plan? A: Just a plan.

Q: What's something most people don't know about New Jersey or the Tri-State Area? A: That we have great bagels. Everyone knows that.

Q: What don't the Swiss know about New Jersey? A: Swiss probably don't know much about New Jersey at all. [Neither did I when I was younger.] Jersey has a lot to offer. Jersey has its beaches. Jersey also has its nature and yes, it has all that. The location on the east coast is very good. In Jersey you will find what you are looking for.

Q: Who is the most disciplined nutritionist on the Devils? A: Probably Bratter.

Q: What does he do? A: He's just a super healthy guy. He knows what he eats and what gives him energy, and he's just a very intelligent person when it comes to what he puts in his body and what he does with his body. Yes, he's worked hard on himself and knows a lot.

Q: What is the best rivalry in the NHL today? A: I would say New York Rangers versus New Jersey Devils. I'll take that.

Q: Unfortunately Switzerland won't be playing in the 4-nation face-off. Will you still be watching and who will you be picking? A: Yes, I will be watching on the beach somewhere. I will definitely be watching and it should be really interesting games because they are all great, great teams. They will all have very good teams. I'm probably picking USA. It's hard to pick one team because every team is obviously very strong.

Q: Maybe watch from the beach in Costa Rica? A: Maybe...maybe

[buckets-and-trees]

How would I’m Your Man!Andy react if he was in an AU where a mafia princess (or her father) forced him into a marriage without any say? 👿😡

Oh, the amount of hate sex that would happen! 😏😈

I imagine it being a scenario where instead of where we see I’m Your Man!Andy (in his deep 30s) this Andy would be maybe just-turned-30 and was moving up the ranks in the rival mafia's organization, one of the most consistent soldiers, but one of the other soldiers - someone Andy thought he was close to - murders the capo they both report to who happens to be the boss's favorite son - and frames Andy for the murder/betrayal/double-crossing.

Andy tries to get out of the city, but gets picked up by your father's men and brought in. He sees the value of absorbing Andy/demanding his loyalty in exchange for sparing his life.

Your father has been "hinting" that he's ready for you to start producing heirs, and he's wanted you to pick one of his men. You've been putting it off because you want to inherit outright, not be the mother of an heir or the treasure given to one of your father's men.

[THIS GOT LONG, SO THE REST IS GOING UNDER A READ MORE - BASICALLY I'M GOING TO TELL YOU A STORY BUT NOT WRITE IT OUT AS A FIC...IT JUST GOT LONG AND MY IMAGINATION WENT ALL THE WAY]

[ALSO TRIGGER WARNING FOR PREGNANCY ISSUES AND MENSTRUAL CYCLES]

He brings both you and Andy in to his office and offers the ultimatum: Andy agrees to marry you, or he gets delivered to the doorstep of his former boss who wants his head; you agree to marry Andy or you'll be cut off, exiled, and kept from ever seeing your mother or your younger sister ever again. To completely cement your union, the two of you must also produce an heir to secure the line of succession. Do it and the two of you are guaranteed his kingdom. Fail to do so, and when your sister graduates from college, he's marrying her off to one of his capos - which is something you swore to yourself you would never let happen. YOU were going to be the mafia princess - you were shrewd, trained, you even wanted it, but your precious, bright, innocent younger sister would be eaten alive by this life.

Andy has no choice, and in your mind, neither do you.

The two of you are moved to a private villa on the estate.

Your father sets the date in three weeks for a lavish, public wedding.

Andy hates that he was stripped of everything he worked for, and even though he hates you and hates that he's been given no choice, he sees the silver lining in being fast-tracked to the top of your father's ranks if he can prove his value and his new loyalty.

You hate that he's an outsider, you hate that he's going to play your father's game, and you hate that you'll be "his wife" when you wanted to be the one with the power.

There's a huge blowout between the two of you about halfway through the engagement that ends in some epic hate fucking. You split Andy's lip with the slap you deal to him, and though he's absolutely rough and brutal with you and your body, he doesn't raise a hand against you or do anything actually violent.

You goad and escalate each other during it because the more intense it gets, the better it feels, and both of you are too proud to drop the animosity.

So when the pent up sexual tension mounts for the following ten days until your wedding night?

Andy literally tears your dress off you the moment you're alone together.

You don't hit Andy again, but besides that, the vicious cycle of animosity continues for a good six months - avoiding each other, being constantly resentful and annoyed, and then boiling over and fucking it out.

But it changes when you're staring slack-jawed at a positive pregnancy test and Andy walks in on you.

Now the reality of a completely new chapter is undeniable, and it changes both of you fundamentally.

He's forceful and growly about it, but Andy wants a truce. If you're really going to have a child, he doesn't want that child to grow up in a violent and angry home like he did before his dad went away to prison. You don't want that either.

So the two of you agree to make a go of a peaceful and tolerant partnership.

You took the pregnancy test pretty early - you had only been a week late, felt nauseous for a few days, and took the test as a precaution. Since it was so early, you were a little shocked, and you didn't want anyone else to know yet - which Andy agreed to - you didn't make an appointment to see your OBGYN straight away.

A few weeks later, you start bleeding, get freaked out, Andy takes you to the hospital, and miracle of miracles, you find out you were NOT pregnant before - the test was a false positive (rare, but can happen), and your body was stressed and skipped a period.

Both of you are relieved everything is relatively okay, but the ordeal and the few weeks of détente before changed the dynamic of your marriage.

Andy takes you home, tucks you into his bed, and in the morning he says he doesn't want to go back to how things were - not the hateful phase, and not even the tentative working phase you two had just been navigating since the potential pregnancy. He proposes the two of you try to be partners in marriage for real. He doesn't want to be miserable for the rest of his life, and it's not even a grudging acknowledgement when he says he actually has developed a hell of a lot of respect for you over the last six to eight months.

And you have to admit he's garnered the same from you - exponentially since the day of the pregnancy test and his agreement to handle it at your pace, and for taking absolute care of you with the panic the night before.

It's slow-going, and the hate sex stops.

Two months later, there's a real kiss between the two of you.

On your first anniversary, Andy holds your hand during your first ultrasound and the OBGYN gives you the surprise revelation that it's twins, and he looks at you like you've hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

[coff-in]

HIIIIIIIII ITS ⭐️ ANON AGAIN I'd like to request a older sister (2-1 year older than Andrew and shes like tall asf) that has the personality of omori from the game OMORI (if you dont whos Omori/ his personality: like doesn't speak for shit and is surprisingly patient with hooligans despite his anger issues) who also likes to gardening.

Ashley would probably give her some silly ass nickname having to due with flowers. Andrew would TRY to be chill around her since he has intrusive thoughts about both girls. (I AM NOT LETTING HIM LIVE THAT DOWN)

But OLDER SISTER READER would probably only put up with Ashley's attitude/lies and no one's else's. For example later in their life when they are sacrificing their parents, Renee would try to bribe Andrew and Reader into ditching Ashley but then Reader speaks up for the first time in her life, only to say "shut the fuck up, you bitch"

Heres more info on older sister Reader:

Her gift is Altered sight, as in she sees the world differently. Like she can see if people are lying or their true intention. So that's why when Renee was talking abt ditching Ashley she said shut the fuck up because she saw her true intention (whatever it was anyways).

Her bunny color would be red

Also her weapon(s) would be her bare hands, gardening sheers, or a hacksaw

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk ⭐️

notes from coff-in: LET ANDREW DATE HIS SISTERS PLEASE!!! i've never played omori but i remember watching manlybadasshero play it during the quarantine. kinda ran out of steam at the end (it's late and i'm very tired, my apologies ⭐️ anon)

[fem] reader-insert, [reader] is older than andrew by two years, incest

mr and mrs graves loved how quiet [reader] was as a child. she didn't make any noise, didn't talk at all, and was overall easy to overlook. the perfect child! why not have another? when andy came out the cursed womb, he was the same and probably learned to keep quiet too via [reader], his big sister. what's the harm in one more child? mrs graves would then learn the harm in having another child that is NOT quiet. leyley came in and couldn't be as quiet or put away as her older siblings, but thankfully this isn't [reader]'s first rodeo in taking care of a child... she's not good at it though (which makes sense cause she's fucking four years old)

andy and leyley are still very close together, especially leyley to andy since she's closer to andy's age (and goes to school with him longer) than [reader], but they both look up to [reader] as a mother figure. leyley had trouble dealing with [reader]'s quietness/muteness but her patience for leyley makes up for all the frustration she goes through. she definitely expects [reader] to pay more attention to her because she's the baby of the family, their little baby sister. how is she supposed to know shit if no one is there to teach her? how is she supposed to feel safe if no one is watching her? damn, she fucked up breakfast again even though andy taught her how not even a day ago, thankfully [reader] is there to make it for them, right? andy doesn't mind [reader]'s quietness. he's so used to leyley's loud and impulsive nature that having someone who's quieter and more mindful is appreciated. especially since she's older, andy sees her as the perfect role model to look up to.

i doubt the apartment they lived in had a yard but they do have a balcony, so i think [reader] would grow herbs and plants that can grow in pots (like strawberries and tomato plants). andy and leyley would pick up some things from watching [reader] take care of them (though they might've killed a plant once from forgetting to water it). [reader] would try her best to teach andy and leyley about taking care of the plants, what they're used for, how to prepare them into meals, etc and it would give them (specifically andy) such an oedipus complex. having [reader] comfort them when they're mad, staying patient and calm when they get frustrated and yell at her, hugging them when they're sad, UGH just being such a good mother figure and a big sister. andy loves hugging her, feeling safe in her arms. THEY WOULD BOTH LOVE HEARING HER HUMMING WHEN SHE DOES STUFF AROUND THE HOUSE

as they grow up, they both get very protective over [reader]. she can't date other people! it's a tad bit hard to enforce that since [reader] is two-four years older and usually aren't attending the same school as them for very long. they usually try to make it as CLEAR as possible to her current partner that they do not like them. andrew is very passive aggressive towards them while ashley is just... aggressive. [reader] gets mad at them the first and second time, enough for andrew and ashley to feel a little bit bad, but eventually [reader] just stops trying to date people (or at least bring them over to the apartment). she can't be too mad at them, they're probably a little bit scared to share their big sister with a stranger...

quarantine isn't so bad to them. [reader]'s little balcony garden helps them not starve for a little bit longer than canon, but not by much. andrew and ashley are both grateful to [reader] for trying to keep them all alive, but it's not a burden that she has to shoulder on her own. seeing the cultist, killing the wardens, escaping the apartment-- all very stressful things that they help [reader] through. andrew sleeps with [reader] some nights and holds her close. maybe even snuggling closer to her chest... after all, [reader] holds some power over him, no? she's older, if she is uncomfortable with it then she can just tell him to stop. he likes being the middle child. having the power and control over ashley but being watched over and taught by [reader], having both that dominate and submissive dynamic with his sisters. would definitely call [reader] mommy after they kill their parents

i find it kinda funny that the demon gives ashley a clairvoyant trinket and [reader] altered sight but doesn't give andrew anything. poor guy. i think [reader]'s true sight would honestly alter the dynamic of the graves' sibling relationship. if she can see the true intentions of people/seeing if they're lying than surely she would be able to tell when andrew is holding himself back and repressing his affection or can see ashley's overwhelming insecurity. would she play into these feelings? anyway, andrew and their parents were shocked when [reader] actually spoke when in the basement, especially when it was against mrs graves? like omg... boss moves, you know?

"shut the fuck up."

"h-huh?"

andrew kneeling down to threaten mrs graves with his cleaver, "[reader] and i don't like it when you talk about ashley like that."

----

coff-in

[barclaysangel]

Andy just trying to isolate himself in his cabin, get high and be left alone before Chucky invaded his life once again

(Photo credit goes to @fairchilds-glasses , I just made the black and grey filter and rain effect)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Three for One 8

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, cheating, customer service abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: As a customer service associate, you’re used to work with a wide variety of characters. Your efforts to go above and beyond draw the attention of a certain set of customers who want more than what’s on the shelf.

Character: Andy Barber, Lloyd Hansen, Ransom Drysdale

Note: Almost to the holiday.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me 💞

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

“Well,” Ransom stops in the doorway as you stand on the tile, Ernie at your heels, “grab a bowl for the damn dog.”

You look at him but say nothing. Ernie isn’t mean without reason so you hardly feel bad for him. He must’ve done something really bad to make the giant sweetheart into such a beast.

You go to the counter and reach to the cupboard. He doesn’t offer any direction as you find only glasses and mugs inside. You move to the next; dry goods and cans. You shift back the other way and pop open another door; there’s a stack of bowls inside. A bit small but it’ll have to do.

As you clasp the edge of the bowl, you feel a sudden presence behind you. Before you can react, Ransom is against you, his arms hooking under yours as he cups your tits in his hands. He rocks with you as Ernie snarls.

“Get the dog to shut up,” he squeezes. “Or I’ll feed it bleach.”

You call Ernie’s name. He gives one last rumble but quiets. You set the bowl on the counter as Ransom leans into you, nuzzling your head as he fondles you. You hope he can’t feel your heart pounding.

“Mmm, they feel just as nice as they look. Why don’t you slip that sweater off so I can get a taste,” he pushes you against the counter, “you give that fuzzy-lipped bastard the good stuff–”

“Goddamnit,” Andy’s hiss cuts through the tension. Ransom sighs onto your hair, giving a tweak through the wool before reluctantly parting, “keep your hands to yourself.”

“Oh, come on,” Ransom spins and stomps his foot, “what are we even waiting for? We do all this–” He gestures with his hand, “and you’re bossing me around like a child.”

“You are,” Andy accuses as he approaches and puts down the bag of kibble on the counter, “I salvaged what I can,” he says to you directly.

“Um, thank you,” you swallow. He smiles before he faces the other man again, “we haven’t even opened our presents.”

Ransom narrows his eyes as his cheek ticks. He arches a brow and shrugs, “fine. So why don’t we get it over with?”

“Breakfast first,” Andy insists. “It’s tradition.”

“Who’s fucking tradition?”

“They have to start somewhere, don’t they?” Andy challenges. 

You frown. Tradition. You really hope you don’t have time to build any of those.

“Honey, you stay, help me with breakfast,” Andy turns his back on Ransom, “the other two can get the table ready…” he pauses and looks over his shoulder, “you can handle that, can’t you?”

Ransom’s nostrils flare and he bares his teeth. He kind of reminds you of Ernie when he does that. The dog tilts his head curiously as he watches the scene, ignorant of the words but sensing the vibes.

“You’d be surprised what I’m capable of,” Ransom growls. “Have fun playing fucking house.”

He storms off, his shoulder hitting the door frame in his anger and drawing a grunt from him. You flinch and bring your hands up to wring. Andy tuts and faces the counter, glancing over at you.

“Are you alright, honey?” He asks, letting his hand fingers flutter to the edge of your cuff.

“Yeah,” you answer smally. That’s what he wants. For you to be helpless, to need him. And you do, just not the way he intends. “He… he isn’t nice like you.”

The corners of his lips curve just a little as his eyes search you, “you think so?”

You nod and slide the bowl off the counter, “I’m going to feed Ernie.”

“Alright,” he relents and takes a step back, “uh, yeah, he’s probably starving.”

You move around Andy and dip the bowl into the bag of kibble. He clears his throat and goes to work, pulling down ingredients. Nothing fancy. He sets a box of pancake batter as he pulls the waffle maker away from the wall. Your stomach growls loudly and Andy grins in your direction.

“You too, huh?”

You smile over the bowl of kibble in your hands, “a little, yeah.” You turn to Ernie as he sniffs the air and drools. You go to him and bend your knees to put the bowl on the floor. You know he’s watching. Good, he’s just as simple as the others.

🎀

You’re the only one who seems interested in the meal. Only because it gives you something to focus on to keep your imagination from straying too far. Of course, you’re not as stupid as these men think. You know all too well their intent. Yet there efforts continue to confound you.

You offer to clean up. Another excuse to keep yourself busy. Away from them. Andy insists that he does that task and sends you off the other two to the front room. You’re less than eager to walk between them as they get closer and closer, nearly squishing you as you reach your destination.

You flit away from them and claim a spot in the lone armchair. Ernie follows and sits at your feet. He keeps his head up, panting as he watches the men and you avoid looking at them altogether. Lloyd strolls along the mantle and sucks his teeth as Ransom sits on the extension of the sectional.

“Fucking lame…” Lloyd mutters.

“Tell me about it,” Ransom agrees, the clink of dishes sounding from the kitchen.

You hate to admit it so you won’t, but they’re right. 

Your eyes drift along and settle on the tree. There are a slew of wrapped gifts underneath. They weren’t there the day before.

The awkward silence doesn’t last long as Andy emerges. He looks around, tucking his hands in his pockets as he takes in the room. He’s not in his typical suit. You didn’t take time to notice before but he looks cozy. He wears a blue sweater and a pair of jeans a shade darker. It makes him look softer than usual.

You check the other men. They’re not very festive. They wear what you can only assume is their usual look. Lloyd in a tight black tee which does little to conceal the buds of his nipples. Your gaze wants to fixate there but you resist that odd temptation. He’s paired the dark top with a pair of pine striped ankle pants and velvet loafers. You call it douche formal. The customers who dress like that usually don’t even understand how to check the website.

Then Ransom. Not too dissimilar to Andy but still himself. An ivory sweater with brown pants, a locket peeking out below his collar from the slim gold chain around his neck. It screams rich prick trying too hard to look like he’s not trying.

The one thing these men have in common is their ignorance. They don’t know, they never considered that you can read them. You spent years in retail, you know people. A little more than you like. They took your demeanour as innocent and naive, they don’t consider it as defensive.

“Alright, finally, let’s open some presents,” Andy claps his hands together.

“Before we start,” Lloyd leans beside the mantle, “I have a question?”

Andy looks at him, waiting.

“Shouldn't you be doing this with your family–”

“Shut the fuck up,” Andy snaps but stops himself, showing his palm, “that’s not for you to worry about.”

“I’m looking out for you–”

“I know what you’re doing,” Andy points at him.

Lloyd snickers.

“I’d like to make a suggestion,” Ransom stands, Ernie tense as he does. They look at each other. “Can we put the dog away?

All three men look at Ernie. You look back at them as you reach to pet the dog’s broad head.

“He’s not hurting anyone,” you plead.

“Not yet,” Ransom scoffs.

“Look, pussy cat, you’re lucky that thing’s even here.”

You want to scowl and bite back. They knew you had a dog when they took you. You mentioned him several times. It’s not exactly your fault they didn’t factor him into the equation.

“We don’t want him to get worked up,” Andy assuages, “why don’t you take him to your room for now? We wouldn’t want him to ruin any of your gifts.”

“He won’t,” you argue, not quick enough to stop yourself. “He’s trained.

“I know, honey, but just for a little. He can come back out later.”

“Yeah, or I can drive him out to the highway,” Lloyd snorts.

You furrow your brow at him. He snickers as your anger amuses him. You quickly wipe it away. You can’t lose your cool yet. You slowly get up, stepping over Ernie and exposing a bit too much thigh. You call the dog’s name but he doesn’t move. He knows something’s wrong.

You bend and grab his collar, “come on, buddy, please.”

At first he doesn’t budge but relents as you coax him with quiet whispers. He lets you lead him out, dragging his large paws with your less than urgent pace. You get to the open bedroom and look inside.

“Sorry, Ern,” you say as you nudge him ahead, “it’ll be okay, I promise. Mama take care of you.”

He goes into the room and turns to stare back at you with his doe eyes. You want to melt into a puddle. He’s so cute and sweet. He doesn’t deserve all this. If it was just you, you’d fight, but you have to worry about him. 

You shut the door and go back to the living room. The men seem anxious as you enter. Ransom pinches the locket around his neck between his fingers, Andy smooths the front of his sweater with his large hand, and Lloyd digs his heel into the floor as he picks his fingernail.

“Alright,” Andy exhales as he faces you, “so, honey, you start.”

You blink at him and cross your arms. You don’t know what he means. You glance around, between each of them.

“Open a gift,” Andy steps back and gestures to the tree, “they’re all for you.”

Your stomach churns and your heart flips. Something about this is off. Not just that you’ve been abducted or this weird house with locks on the doors and deafening walls. More than these men and their incessant leers. There’s more than a dozen presents, for you alone, but why?

“Me?” You pull your arms apart and force them down to your sides, clutching the weave of the sweater dress.

“Go on,” Lloyd encourages with a wink.

You restrain yourself as best you can. Fear courses through you as you try to unravel their riddle. What are they up to? They’re watching you like wolves, prowling, ready to pounce, so why don’t they?

You tiptoe forward and as you near Andy, he stays exactly where he is. You brush against him and feel his breath fan over you. You pass Ransom as he once more sits on the foot of the sectional. 

You stop before the tree and consider the array of gifts; boxes, bags, and wrapped bundles. It’s the sort of haul any child dreams of. You remember the Christmas Eves you lay awake sleepless hoping for just this. Waking to only a new pair of socks and a couple toiletries from the group home. You didn’t often get what you wanted, but you could get by with what you needed.

You bend your knees, the hem of the sweater rising up your thighs as you reach for a small box. You stand and turn to the men, staring down at the red box with a gold bow on top. You gulp and peek up at them. They all just watch. 

You wiggle the lid until it pops off. You reveal a pair of dangling pearl earrings. They’re pretty. Probably real but you don’t have the eye to tell. You peer up again, confused. It’s actually a very nice gift.

“Who’s it from?” Andy asks.

You flinch and check the tag. You should’ve done that first. You pull it straight as it hides under the tail of the bow, “Ransom,” you read.

“Ha!” He claps his hands, together then on his knees, “fuck yeah.”

“Huh?” You utter dumbly.

“Shit,” Lloyd mutters and Andy lets his disappointment flow out heavily.

“What…” you can’t finish the question.

“Pretty nice gift, huh?” Ransom taunts, “so, uh, what’s my gift, sweetheart?”

You grimace and examine the wall behind him, “I don’t… have anything…”

“Actually,” he interjects, “I think you do. Why don’t you pop those on, then pop your tits out?”

You gape at him. He bites his lip as you stand dumbfounded and humiliated. Lloyd chuckles and Andy growls as he paces, sitting in the armchair.

“I don’t…”

“It’s an exchange, not free for all, you got yours. I get mine,” he tilts his head, “so put those on and let me fuck your tits.”

You close your mouth. You’re not surprised but you’re not ready either. You didn’t expect them to hold out forever but you need more time. The problem is they’re not playing by your schedule, you have to adjust to yours. That means, you’ll be working from behind.

“I’m waiting,” Ransom huffs, “you know, you’re being pretty ungrateful there, sweetheart.”

Andy plants his elbow on the armrest as you look at him, “do it.”

“But…” you pout, “you said…”

“He gave you a gift,” Andy said. “He won’t hurt you. I’m here.”

You nearly drop the box. What does he mean he won’t hurt you? You don’t want to do that.

Well…

You don’t have a choice. As rotten as it is, it will only be worse if you refuse. You lower your chin and nod. You turn to set the box down on the small table just beside the couch, too close to Ransom. He snickers as you hear his zipper whisper down. Oh god.

You pull out your plain gold hoops and replace them with the teardrop pearls. You feel them dangle between your fingertips and raise your head. Worse than what you’re about to do is the audience. This isn’t just you being violated, this is that violation being witnessed.

You walk along the sectional and Ransom catches your wrist, pulling you forward impatiently. He turns you to face him. Your eyes widen as you try not to look lower than you need to. His cock bobs at the edge of your vision.

“Take this off,” he touches the hem of the dress.

You spread your sweaty palms over the wool. Slowly, you tug it upwards. Your skin speckles with goosebumps as you reveal your nakedness to the room. You stand only in the knee highs and panties.

“Damn,” Lloyd clucks, “an ass on this one.”

Andy doesn’t comment, he only hums as the chair creaks under his weight.

“Get down,” he orders.

You hold your breath and obey. You get to your knees as Ransom plays with himself. You can’t look him in the face and you definitely don’t want to look down. You stare instead at his sweater.

“Push your tits together,” he demands.

Again, you listen. It’s like you’re in a trance. The room is fuzzy and your body is hollow. He laughs again and taps his tip against your tits.

“Fuck, those are some nice tits,” he remarks, grabbing your shoulder to urge your closer.

He slips his dick between your cleavage. His throbbing head pokes up above the swell of flesh. He dips down and back up, rocking you by your shoulder as he guides you. You move with him, fighting back the tide of repulsion.

“That’s it,” he coaxes, “come on and give it a kiss, sweetheart.”

You flinch. He squeezes your shoulder. A warning. You bend your head and kiss his tip as it once more pokes above your cleavage. He groans and his hand moves to cover one of yours, making you grope yourself tighter.

“Fuck,” he rasp, “you know what…” he turns to Andy, reminding you of the others, of them watching you, “I think I get it now.” He winks at you as you fuck his length with your tits, “good fucking choice, Barber.”

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#7: The Choice (1.01)

gif cred: @machonnes

Ok so apart from a certain dream that comes up later in the premiere, this is my favorite scene of episode one. Andy did a phenomenal job as always and this was when we got to see some signature Rick 'Ain’t Nothing to Play With' Grimes. Craig Tate also was incredible in this scene. And even after already hearing that one line in the trailer so much because I replayed it 1000x leading up to TOWL, hearing it during this premiere was even better...

So they set the tone of this scene right from the jump with dramatic music as Rick unleashes the weapon from his prosthetic fist. He quietly approaches a sleeping Okafor, putting the blade to his neck as he tells him to “Wake up.”

Okafor wakes up calmer than some people do from a morning alarm and just says, “You forgot to salute, soldier.” Rick isn’t here for games so he gets straight into it asking Okafor, “What the hell do you know about me?” And that’s all Okafor has to hear to know exactly what Rick’s talking about.

Okafor starts to quote Rick’s letter saying, “'I think of the dead all the time.'” And hearing him quote that I was like like now I know he didn’t violate Rick’s privacy and read his personal letters to Michonne. 😑 Okafor, sir...

They then show clips of Rick from the TWD series finale when he places a love letter to Michonne in a bottle and throws it in the river like the true loverboy he is. Okafor casually lists out more info he has stating, “Her name, back of the note, your message in a bottle from escape number three.”

Okafor says he found the bottle and also the phones saying, “That was her on the phones, right? Yeah, I looked through those too. The child though - that was your daughter, right?” And Rick has crazy eyes as he hears this.

Aside from the portraitist and maybe Jadis reluctantly, this is probably Rick's first time ever even talking this directly about Michonne and Judith with anyone in years and now he has to talk about his girls with someone who is willing to take them out if need be. 😞

gif cred: @vidco

Another thought I had while watching the TOWL premiere is that Judith appears to be an especially sensitive subject for Rick. I think why he might mention her less than Michonne in episode one is because for a parent to have to just not know if their kid is alive is too much to bear. And so I think Rick is a lot more hesitant to let thoughts about Judith's status even take up his mind because it’s too painful wondering if she’s not alive whereas he knows Michonne is likely alive.

Hearing Okafor say he knows all about Michonne and Judith has Rick ready to throw hands and so he yanks Okafor out of the bed and demands to know who else knows about his family. 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

I love Tate’s delivery as Okafor says, “'Michonne' is an unusual name. Not many people out there” (baby, she’s one-of-a-kind 💅🏽).

gif cred: @nerd4music

He continues, “But if you start the search around where we picked you up…that’s potent information.” To me, Okafor calling this 'potent information' implies that he always intended to hold onto what he knew about Rick's wife and daughter so that he could use it as a trump card if ever he needed to get Rick back under control like he's doing right now.

And again, I have to applaud Tate’s performance in this scene because the brand of menacing he chooses is super compelling. It’s understated but still so chillingly in control and he’s a great foil to Rick.

gif cred: @nerd4music

I love how Rick's relationship with and love for Michonne is driving the plot and the stakes in this scene. TWD didn't fully explore Negan picking up on the fact that Rick had a wife, but this exchange between Okafor and Rick in TOWL gave us some insight into exactly how Rick would be if someone learned about his true love and tried to use it against him. 

gif cred: @nerd4music

Rick takes a page from the Will Smith handbook when he slaps Okafor’s neck and pushes him to the ground to let him know he needs to keep his wife’s name out of his mouth. Rick is really ready to scrap knowing Okafor knows about Michonne. 🥊

gif cred: @nerd4music

Okafor keeps talking and Rick punches him in the face so Okafor lets Rick know, “They would have sent me to find you, clean up my mess, and finally erase you. You are my charge.” Even using a term as cold as 'erase you' shows that there’s a lack of humanness in how Okafor views things.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And then Rick proves it's possible to look extremely hot and like a raging madman all at the same time, as he listens to this with a nod and crazed eyes.

gif cred: @richardgrimes

Okafor says, “I’m the one who’d have to kill you and Michonne and anyone else you ran to out there. Just knowing about this—" and y’all, that was Okafor’s death sentence right there.

Telling Rick Grimes you’d have to kill Michonne...oh that’s when I knew Okafor wasn’t gonna make it out of TOWL alive. No one threatens Michonne and lives.

And Rick puts some extra oomph when he kicks Okafor in the face for the mere suggestion. Like please, the golden rule is you don’t come for a Grimes in front of another Grimes and here Okafor got to learn the golden rule by threatening Michonne Grimes like that. 

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Then it’s Rick's turn to weigh in, in that black jacket that really flatters him, when he tells Okafor he doesn’t care why he’s covered in blood and why the bombs go out and don’t come back. (Even tho low key he should care because little does he know those bombs nearly lost him his wife. 😣)

Okafor says Rick does care because he’s convinced any A would be eager to save the world. But Rick has always been a guy whose goal in life is not to be some superhero leader. He wants his world back most of all. And we know who his world consists of.

Rick says, “This isn’t my city. Those aren’t my people.” It’s interesting because in TWD Rick was a leader who treated his group like they were genuinely his people and family, but here with the CRM he's avoided establishing any allegiance to these people whatsoever.

Okafor says everyone in the world is his people, everyone alive, and Rick raises his voice to say, “This isn’t everything!”

I know Rick is fed up because he feels like he found his everything long ago, so to suggest that anything other than his family is more important will just never sit well with him.

He feels this mission and this city is not a paradise for everyone because for him the only heaven he has on earth will ever be Michonne and their kids. 

Rick continues, passionately saying, “You don’t get to choose for the world! You don’t get to choose for me.” I love the delivery of that. Rick already chose what and who is everything to him.

Okafor just casually says, “I don’t. You did. You made the choice.” And first of all, Rick didn’t choose to be here at all so really he’s just had to work with the cards he’s been dealt.

Second of all, he only made the choice to join the CRM because it was a way to get back to the people who are his actual choice --- and who are those people some might ask? Rick will tell you. 😊

Hearing Okafor say this, Rick is like lemme make something as clear as day to you as he says with all the conviction in the world,

“My wife is my choice.”

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And now y’all excuse me a minute because the happy dance spirit is going to take over my being every time I hear that line.

Ain’t that line the best thing ever. 🤩 I loved hearing Rick say this and say it so powerfully. It was a great first time hearing Rick refer to Michonne as his wife. And I adore that he says she’s his choice. 🥹

So much to gush over about this one line alone. Rick calling Michonne his wife was big on my TOWL wishlist and this was such a perfect way to hear him say it.

I love that while he was taken before they could marry on the bridge like he wanted, Rick still knows what he and Michonne had was a beautiful love between a husband and wife. Just like Michonne knew it too so she wore a wedding ring around her neck all these years.

When I see Rick say this line to Okafor I like to think about how somewhere on this same night Michonne was in bed alone and little did she know Rick was out here throwing high-ranking soldiers around to let them know that she is always and forever his ultimate choice. Their love is just something else, I adore it.

Also, this line made me think about another time someone Rick had a conflict with brought up Michonne. In s3, the Governor wanted to make a deal with Rick regarding Michonne - infamously asking if one woman is worth it.

gif cred: @chonesmint

And man has that one woman been more than worth it to the point that now when someone speaks on Michonne, Rick can look at them with all the intensity and certainty in the world and say that she is his wife and she is his choice.

And then Rick lets Okafor know Judith is very much included in this as he says, “My daughter. My life is my choice.” Now that’s an A. Saying I’ve made my choice and no one is taking that from me. 👏🏽

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Seeing Rick still be so connected to his wife and daughter, still choosing them above all else, warms my heart. It’s great. 🥹 All these years later he still fights so hard for these two. 🥲

And in declaring his wife and his daughter are his choice it's also Rick revealing to Okafor that they are the only reason he 'chose' to join the CRM and play along. He was never actually bought into any program like Okafor or the CRM might've thought.

Then, Andy just knocks it out of the park even more as he says, “You think I went what I went through, did what I did, to let anyone choose anything for me?” The emotion in those lines was so good and palpable. 👏🏽

gif cred: @msanonships

I just felt everything we’ve ever seen Rick go through all these years flash through his head as he lets Okafor know he’s been through way too much to let someone else start calling the shots on his life. That power is reserved for him and Michonne alone (who Rick happily chooses to let choose things for him 😇).

gif cred: @msanonships

Okafor firmly tells Rick he made the choice and then Rick wants to start throwing shade and calling Okafor out when he says that Okafor lives for the people in the city because he has nothing else but his duty.

Rick's basically saying 'look, you don't have a goddess at home like me so...

Rick calls Okafor a good soldier with nothing and Okafor doesn't take kindly to being read for filth so he hits Rick and tags him to the ground. Okafor gets the upper hand and yells about how he lost everything and how he was the one to bomb Atlanta, which was interesting to learn he was one of the people behind the Atlanta bombing in early TWD.

Okafor reveals he too had a wife named Estelle who was a marine and how she and he didn’t want to keep killing people for nothing. Okafor says he had power and he had a choice and the choice he made was to...kill his wife. 👀 That was a wild confession.

And Rick’s response says he too thinks this is a wild confession especially because he would never do that to Michonne, regardless of a greater good.

However, while Rick would never do that, he does eventually in a way try to kill the relationship with his wife for the sake of protecting Michonne going forward. 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

I like how Okafor has to sorta pause before saying “I killed my wife” and even his cadence is a bit different when he does speak on taking out his wife. It seems to be the one thing he still has at least a little bit of emotion over. Like he says it in a detached way but that pause beforehand lets you know somewhere deep inside the act of killing his wife and thousands of others still stirs him.

It just goes to show when you find a real love there will always be a part of you that feels something for them no matter how detached you become from things.

But then Okafor credits his wife’s choice as one that saved even more people and maybe even the whole world which is clearly how he justifies the act. He’s a mirror for Rick to see what he could become if he officially loses his love - becoming a man who just lives for some greater cause of saving the world even if it means being broken and shut down because you’ve lost the one woman who saves your world. 

Okafor says, “I tried with you, Rick. I tried.” And Rick quietly says “I’m sorry,” cuz even in a fight Rick can still have empathy. Okafor asks what he’s apologizing for and Rick slashes him trying to get the upper hand but Okafor punches him and pulls a gun on him. 

gif cred: @nerd4music

Realizing he’s at a disadvantage, Rick says, “Just let me go” but Okafor says no because Rick is an asset to his plan.

I saw some debate on whether Okafor was ultimately a friend of Rick and I honestly think no. Rick was an asset to his plan and, in a way, Okafor seemed to feel like he owned Rick, even hanging the threat of killing his family over him to keep him on board. So while they may have got to a point of complicated comradery, I think first and foremost Okafor was just a different type of captor of Rick.

When Okafor denies his request to be let go, Rick then puts Okafor’s weapon to his head and begs him to end it. Which is super painful to see. 😢

It also is a very clear depiction of how he and Michonne cannot in fact lose each other and be fine because as Rick realizes in this gut-wrenching scene he now can’t go home to her - not because he wouldn't be willing to keep trying to escape but because he can put his girls in danger if he does - he really just wants to be done with life.

gif cred: @rcsitastark

Rick says, “Do it. Please” and he’s so clearly in despair and agony. 🥺 But Okafor says he won’t grant that death wish. He tells Rick, “They’re still with you. But you fight here now. You fight for them. You already made the choice.” And that part is true - his family is still with him, even tho I know Rick doesn't fully feel like it's true rn, having already lost the memory of Carl and been away from his wife and daughter for years.

It’s devastating seeing a light turn off with Rick in this moment as he realizes he can’t go home to his wife and daughter. You just see his mind and body succumb to defeat. And I found the CRM folk continuously telling Rick that he made the choice to be a cruel act of manipulation.

gif cred: @taiturner

So Rick just stands there with his head hung low as Okafor moves on from Rick's despair and just goes over the next steps regarding the Summit. And again you can see Rick becoming lifeless.

Okafor says this is the start of Rick’s path to the upper echelons of power and Rick tells him what’s always been true when he says, “I don’t want power.” He really never has.

Honestly, in s8 during the Savior War, it was clear Rick was ready to retire even back then. I’m reminded of Danai’s impactful and spot-on words when she described Rick as not needing leadership to be a man but rather being a good man burdened with leadership. It’s never been about titles and wielding authority for him. 

Even in Say Yes, there’s a reason he tells Michonne he wouldn’t want to be the leader of the next world. He doesn’t want power. Really what he most wants for his life is her and their family. 

gif cred: @ex0rin

But it’s fitting that Okafor responds saying, “That’s the thing. You already have it.”

While Rick, as he says several times in TWD, didn’t ask to be a leader, he is a natural one and so whether he wants it or not he does have power and he is someone who can make a difference. Basically, he’s just destined to be Him. Even tho right now he feels cursed to be that guy. 

And while Okafor says Rick has power, Rick is clearly feeling at his absolute lowest and most powerless in this moment, which will now lead to this episode's most heartbreaking scenes and a beautiful but painful last letter. 😔👌🏽

[tonariofjananda]

Maybe it’s a little too soon for me to hate Anton but I agree, there’s not a lot of things he can do that would make me hate him at this stage. On the contrary, the more I see him the more I enjoy the direction of his character.

Anton’s young, arrogant, and a little too excited to be harming others. But then again, that’s to be expected from this society. Kids in this world don’t realize the extent to which people can be harmed because pain doesn’t really exist anymore. It’s a faraway concept, hence why Bon’s ability to feel pain was demonstrated so thoroughly to a group of children. These kids have never been hurt before, they have no concept of it, so they’re incapable of feeling sympathy or empathy for what they (almost) did to him. They don’t understand what they’re doing, and even if they did, they view Bon as sub-human. In their eyes torturing him was more akin to a child being excited to dissect a dead animal in class. Just an opportunity for hands-on learning.

Not only this but Anton is also just excited to finally be able to participate in society. He thinks he’s grown up now that he’s able to have stars (kind of like when a person celebrates puberty or entering their teens), and that belief is only exacerbated by the fact that he immediately maxed them out and can now be as physically big as he pleases. I don’t fully know what kind of media surrounds this society, but violence is probably pretty common in this world because it’s nigh impossible for someone to die from being hit now, let alone feel pain.

That said Anton does still have a sense of morality- he wants to be ‘helpful’ to Tonari, and he felt genuinely troubled when he accidentally killed the Captain of the team in the beginning. The problem is he’s easily swayed into doing reprehensible things because he fully trusts a society he doesn’t really understand yet. “Uncle Bunny says murder is OK, and he’s a grown up with five stars. That makes him trustworthy because he’s clearly doing something right.” Anton’s too young to have realized that things don’t work like that though. He hasn’t realized the system he operates in is flawed because it’s all he’s ever known and all he’s ever wanted to be a part of.

Side note, he’s also not gonna understand how difficult it is to be in and move up in this society either, especially not when he himself was rewarded with those five stars pretty much the second he was old enough to receive them. He’s especially arrogant right now because he thinks he got them through “his own hard work.” (Sumn sumn the American Dream being such an unreachable thing for those in poverty while people living in higher socioeconomic status just believe everyone else needs to “work harder” to reach it like them, when really all they did was inherit their wealth and/or use others as their stepping stones to achieve it).

So yeah it sucks how Anton is behaving, but given the information we’ve received thus far I find it really hard to view him as an inherently bad kid. I’m not saying he’s behaving particularly well (dude was touching Tonari’s thigh and playing with her hair last chapter, I feel a little sick just thinking about it), and Oima definitely emphasizes his shitty behavior by drawing him as unnaturally as possible (God a sentient Hulk-man with a child hear… stuff of nightmares). But even if he ends up doing some really messed up stuff in the near future, Anton is so well-written that it’ll be easy to understand where it falls into his character and motivations. He’s just really just an impulsive young boy with unchecked power doing what he thinks is right and ‘acceptable.’

A fascinating character, this Anton! I’m pretty excited to see where he goes from here p

I do not like Anton one bit

Honestly, the dude ain't high on my list too. Hearing chauvinistic/paternalistic pomp out of Huge Jacked Man (read: bræt) doesn't add points to his charisma stat. AT ALL.

I find it a little funny that we're now in an era where the Hayase rebirth is universally more well-received (Kahaku and Mizuha weren't universal back then) and well-loved than a dude who isn't a rebirth or a suspected rebirth of any prior character. It's also kinda funny because this ended up being a curveball, in-story indictment against a eugenicist's worldview: if people are really hard-coded by their genes, such that manipulation and concentration of good genes (i.e designer babies) will produce good, superior people...

Then why is Anton's perfectly designed ass stuck with this unlikeable, slappable personality, aye?

CHECKMATE, NOKKERS

In all seriousness though, I can't really bring myself to hate Anton. I just can't look past how much his environment made him who he was. The brain-rotting Kaibarapaganda; the devotion to a measurement of merits (Star System) in their meritocratic society; the culture and norms he was shaped by... There are just too many causes to his effects that just don't fall under his responsibility. The causal determinist in me simply cannot look past these to judge someone, and so I'm just annoyed by Anton at worst but kinda okay with seeing him. His side-plot with Tonari will be life-changing for him, I bet.

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where I'll definitely hate the shit out of Anton, but honestly, I think even if he wounds his brother, it won't necessarily make me detest him yet. Unless he, say, does something to Abel that I can reasonably separate from the larger environmental factors he's raised in?

If he looks down on his brother or even sees Abel as a mark of shame because the latter is Lacking (I don't know if Anton knew; I lean on the side of "he's likely ignorant"), I'll definitely hate his ass slightly more. But then it'd be only slightly, because even his prejudice toward Lackings (if Anton had any to begin with) was conditioned by his society and what he learned from the adults around him.

Damn. You just made me realize something, π! Anton is just too emblematic of a well-to-do kid living in Kaibara society for me to not assess his crap as the fault of the system instead of him. A lot of things about him are simply a microcosm of the larger society he lives in.

So yea. If I don't like Anton, it's because I really don't like whatever part of their society that made him like this.

[ghastlyfilters]

SPEAK SOFTLY LOVE

— “WE’RE IN A WORLD, OUR VERY OWN. SHARING A LOVE THAT ONLY FEW HAVE EVER KNOWN.”

pairing; post spray jeremiah valeska x fem!reader

summary; jeremiah takes you to see the first part of one of his favourite film franchises of all time. the godfather. and when you return from seeing such a cinematic masterpiece, jeremiah decides to dance with you to one of the songs from it.

note; HII!! i can’t even explain how excited i am to be writing this. i love the godfather and gotham, so i’m glad the thought came to me. nothing wrong with appreciating my love for both jeremiah valeska and michael corleone;)

also, here’s some of the italian words used in this fic, and what they mean! (if these ain’t accurate just blame google translate)

non smetti mai di sembrare raggiante, tesoro. - you never fail to look radiant, darling.

grazie - thank you.

MASTERLIST

You and Jeremiah panted as you had ran back in the rain to the entry of his hideout. Tonight he’d took you to see one of his favourite cinema classics. The Godfather.

He’d had this planned for AGES. Years even. He knew one day he wanted to share with you the joy he felt in watching such an amazing cinematic masterpiece. And today, he had successfully got what he wanted.

There was tons of abandoned theatres scattered throughout Gotham. But Jeremiah didn’t want to take you somewhere shabby and wrecked. No.

He’d taken you to Gotham’s oldest theatre. A building that had been stood even before the very first time The Godfather came to cinemas. It was high class, and full of money people at all times. The theatre was known for showing tons of classics. So tonight was Jeremiah’s lucky night.

He’d made sure he booked out the whole screening. He didn’t want a soul interrupting any moment he was planning on enjoying with you. Only thing was that because of how high class the theatre was, it would cost a shit load to buy tickets, let alone the whole thing.

Jeremiah made sure the owner knew that money wasn’t everything. Well.. after holding a blade to his throat.

The whole thing went smoothly. And you’d never seen him so happy. He looked more like an excited child rather than a grown man thrilled to see the most loved mafia movie on the big screen.

As the heels of his shoes tapped against the flooring, you heard him softly hum the Godfather waltz. And he did so with nothing but pride.

You sat on the couch, your fingers slowly tracing circles onto the beautiful fabric. Jeremiah always had ways of making you feel so expensive.

“A glass of Chianti, darling?” He called out.

You looked back and nodded as he swiftly poured the Italian wine into a tall crystal glass for you.

Jeremiah carefully strutted over to you, two glasses in his hands. He placed one down in front of you, giving you a kiss on the hand.

“I must say,” He said, sitting down beside you, already motioning for you to move closer. “My expectations for this night with you were perfectly met, my dear.”

Jeremiah put a gloved finger on your cheek, and you practically purred at his touch. He held your waist as you moved into his lap, grinning.

“I suppose now I see why you always used to be so persistent on having that slicked back hair, Don Valeska.” You mocked. You’d known for years Jeremiah took a deep liking to Michael Corleone’s character. You couldn’t blame him, of course. Michael and Jeremiah both shared a great charm.

He rolled his eyes playfully, taking a sip of his wine. He let out a small gasp as an idea struck him. And you furrowed your brows the minute he took you off his lap.

“Miah?” You said, curiosity clear in your voice. He held a finger up, hurrying into another room. You just sighed, wondering what he was planning now.

Jeremiah soon returned, a vinyl in hand. He flashed you a smile, before darting over to the record player. He set it all up, and you started to giggle the minute the song started to play.

Speak Softly Love by Andy Williams. A song that included an instrumental theme used in The Godfather. Which had made the song a true gem to listen to.

He rushed back over to you, and you could see the amount of joy dancing around in his eyes despite the song only just starting.

“Shall we?” Jeremiah grinned, putting his hand out for you.

You accepted it, and he immediately pulled you up. Gracefully, but you could tell he was desperate to finally dance with you to this.

Speak softly, love and hold me warm against your heart..

I feel your words, the tender trembling moments start.

We're in a world, our very own..

Sharing a love that only few have ever known.

Another soft giggle escaped your lips as he directed you to sway around with him. You’d never admitted it, but Jeremiah was an incredible dancer. Always so careful with his partner.

Wine-colored days warmed by the sun..

Deep velvet nights, when we are one.

“Non smetti mai di sembrare raggiante, tesoro.” Jeremiah whispered into your ear. God you loved when he spoke Italian.

“Grazie.” You replied, planting a kiss onto his cheek. However, he redirected your lips. He tilted your chin upward, and soon you felt his own velvety smooth lips brushing against yours.

He put one hand on the back of your head, caressing your hair. He pulled away as the rest of the lyrics played on the vinyl, and the two of you went back to swaying again.

Speak softly, love so no one hears us but the sky..

The vows of love we make will live until we die.

My life is yours and all because..

You came into my world with love, so softly love.

You both waltzed around the room as the strong instrumental part of the song really kicked in. You caught a glimpse of Jeremiah’s face glistening from the moonlit sky outside throughout Gotham.

You’d truly began to admire his new features now. His ghostly white face, red ruby lips, and those icy green eyes..

Some were scared, meanwhile others like his followers found it intriguing. But you.. oh.. you found it hauntingly beautiful.

His change in attitude was also something you were secretly enjoying. Before the spray, Jeremiah had been incredibly shy with showing you affection. His overthinking always crept in, giving him the hint that perhaps you did not feel the same way towards him as he did for you.

Now, he was incredibly bold whilst showing his love for you. And he wanted every single person in the city to see that.

Wine-colored days warmed by the sun..

Deep velvet nights, when we are one.

His gloved hands made their way down your body, cupping your hips. Jeremiah loved your curves. You were so womanly. And it was another part of you he’d always admired.

“This is…” He breathed. “Rather.. exhilarating.”

Speak softly, love so no one hears us but the sky..

The vows of love we make will live until we die.

My life is yours and all because..

You came into my world with love…

“It’s definitely-“

“A night to remember.” Jeremiah cut you off. You dipped down as he hovered above you, his grip tight. He bent toward you, kissing you once again.

So softly love.

THIS WAS LITERALLY SO FUN TO WRITE. either that or it’s the concept of mixing my two favourite interests together. but man i love jeremiah more than anything.

[thekiltongrammarwriter]

The Case of The Heart's Whisper 18+

Pairing: Pippa Fitz Amobi x Fem Reader

Summary: You didn't realize having a relationship with Andie Bell would lead you to become Pippa Fitz Amobi's main resource in Andie Bell's complex life. You also didn't expect to fall for the detective, especially since you're still hanging on the girl who broke your heart.

words:6k

Authors Note: I wrote this piece quite a while ago after reading halfway through the first book, for that matter this story includes many inconsistencies and does not follow booklore in terms of storyline or even timelines. What if reader helps pip with the case and ends up falling in love with Pip? but a bit Andie-coded because I just love her. This was just meant as a fun writer's challenge and is meant to be entertaining. Please also keep in mind this was written before I finished the first book.

Warnings: Past Andie x fem reader, angst, fluff, possessive pip if you squint. Mentions of child abuse, toxic parenting, Andie bell haunting everyone from the grave. Dark pip having the ability to bring me to my knees. This story is not suppose to make sense. That’s about it. Steamy but actual smut is not written. Not proof read. Reader is on her last year in school. Being held back a year for therapy. Cussing.

"What was your relationship with Andie Bell?". You gulped, feeling tears start to brim at just the name. Her name. Images of soft blue eyes and Andie's infamous smirk replayed in your mind like a broken record. Bringing back memories you had flushed away, locked away tight.

Under the watchful glare of Pippa Fitz Amobi, you felt your tongue dry against the roof of your mouth. Her words replaying in your mind, 'what was your relationship with Andie Bell?'

It wasn't that easy. You wish you could have gotten up from your seat in the canteen, where pip laid out her voice recorder, her strong willful blue eyes seeming to crawl over your skin, but not in a predatory manner, you couldn't help but notice the way she was staring at you. It made your stomach flip, your eyes burn, it felt all too familiar, the way her eyes were focused on you. With such intensity.

Just like her.

It had been forever since someone had eyed you like that. Five whole years to be exact.

A deep guttural sound boomed you away from your thoughts and your eyes moved to the boy who sat across from you, Ravi singh. His eyes were on you as well, except you couldn't help but feel like he was judging you. Sitting down with his arms crossed and his dark eyes looking into your soul, how were you suppose to tell him that Andie had been interested in you. That she had personally took you aside after you had stumbled upon Sal and Andie in the canteen, Andie with her usual puppy dog eyes directed at Sal. It had hurt, like a sucker punch to the gut.

All the things Andie had said to you during your studying lesson. It all had been lies. Of course you did nothing, only turned back on your heel, book bag in hand. You heard rushed footsteps next and then Andie was behind you. Her force strong and impatient, "y/n wait!! I didn't mean for you to see that". You had halted, burning red eyes and betrayal filling your veins. You turned on the girl, yanking your hand from under her touch.

"My friends were right about you Andie bell. You're nothing but a cruel mean person who will use anyone for your gain! I should have known the minute you came to talk to me that you had no intention of being my friend! Or whatever the hell you were playing at. Do yourself a favor, get  another French tutor. I'm done."

Cue to the next day, when you were making your usual walk to Kilton grammar l, beanie in hand as the chilly English weather had been harsh at that day, numbing your fingers to the bone. Your father never was one for making sure you were comfortable and safe, his job stopped the day you were born. Despite  your rough upbringing you were usually rather optimistic, everyone always said you were a female version of Sal signh. Not exactly what you wanted to hear, but maybe that was why Andie gravitated torward you. You shook your head, Andie Bell was out of your life. And like life, you watched as a silver SUV parked along side you, Andie bell in the front seat, brows furrowed.

"Get in the car you'll freeze to death" she spoke. You only continued walking, defiant. "I prefer the cold air, it makes my immune system stronger".

You didn't expect Andie to park the car, getting out with a grumble and practically tackling you. If you closed your eyes just enough you could still feel Andie's soft fingers ghosting over your cheeks bones, hot breathe against your ear. "I apologize for what I did. It's just...Sal is my best friend. And perhaps I should have broke it off with him, but it's hard. And then you came into the canteen and I panicked, I'm not use to panicking. I-" Andie's blue eyes had remained still, blush on her cheeks. "I like you y/n. Like a lot. It wasn't suppose to happen at first I really did need help with my French, but then I started noticing things about you. Like how you're always so sweet to others, how you mumble when you're nervous. Or how no matter how much your dad makes you unhappy, you always seem to be shining. Why is that? Is there some sort of secret?".

You remember feeling like you were in the twilight zone. Andie bell was a popular girl, a popular girl with a cruel heart, one who enjoyed hurting others. And yet here she was, helping you up and dusting your trousers. Her eyes warm and soft. Why she liked you, you didn't know. But you wanted to know why.

Needless to say how were you suppose to sit and say that Andie bell had liked you, not to Ravi Singh , that would just make him hate you more. And perhaps you felt guilty. Because his brother had died for Andie bell. And she had been playing games with you.

A soft brush of fingers against your hand made you turn back to the girl, in an act of utter coincidence or an act of kindness, you weren't sure which she spoke, this time to Ravi.

"Ravi would you mind leaving us two girls together? I believe y/n would feel more comfortable giving me her account without others listening in".

At this you watched as Ravi immediately stood up, eying you with strange eyes, before walking out of the canteen, the door's hinges making an utter awful squeaking noise that reminded you of the deer your father use to shoot.

"Andie wasn't like the others".  You didn't recognize your voice as you spoke. It was brittle, far away sounding, pain infused. You watched as Pippa remained speechless, eying you with her soft grey eyes.

"The others?" Her brows furrowed, "other students you mean?".

You nodded, a tear flying past your cheeks and onto your bottom lip, tasting the familiar salt on your tongue. You watched as pip followed the motion, eyes drifting down your lips.

"At first when she came round to me, I thought it was some cruel joke she was trying to play. I had heard about what she'd done to Nat De Silva. People talked. But....when she came round to my desk after French class and asked if I could tutor her I was lost for words". Pippa watched as a smirk filled your lips. 

"Andie bell was kind to me. I don't know why....perhaps she saw something in me others didn't bother to see. And-and perhaps if we had gotten to be around each other more we could have been something. But she's gone now. And no one can bring her back".

"I will"

The words made your eyes find pip's. And you watched as the girl without thought reached over the table, taking your trembling fingers into her own, holding them against her own flushed fingers. Almost like she knew.

"I can't promise you Andie....I cannot simply wave my fingers and make her appear. Although I wish I could....but I can offer you peace. Justice. I can offer you a finalized solid answer to what truly happened to her. I've heard what others said about you and her. You were special to her too y/n".

At that all composure left you. Your body began to tremble and you let the soft sobs rock your body, the all to consuming feeling of grief taking over.

In an instance pip was beside you, bringing you to her chest and holding tightly. So tight you could feel the girls heartbeat, which was rapid and going a mile a minute. Battering against her rib cage.

You clung to her, after all these fives years you had wanted someone to hold you like this, to brush the tears away and say that it gets better. That time can heal wounds, but of course stuck with your father who had no notion of feelings or emotions that was not what you had learned to expect. Instead you tucked it away.

But pippa was kind. She had a sense of ease that seemed to calm your racing heart. And lull you into a sense of comfort. And perhaps, if you were being honest, she had that same energy to her. It was like having a piece of Andie with you, however small it was. Because as much as Pippa reminded you of Andie, she was almost completely 100% different. Where Andie was rough around the edges, pipa was solid, keen on the way she thought, logical. Where Andie was sporadic and lacking sympathy, pip made up for it with her soft eyes and just heart.

In the weeks that followed you found your eyes finding Pip's when you would greet her in the hall of Kilton grammar, her eyes seeming to find yours in a crowd. She was always the first to greet you, smile that pipa smile. What you were not aware of was the fact that pip had been ogling you during lunch apparently.

"What's up with Pippa Fitz Amobi always staring at you?" You blanched. Eyes wide as you eyed your best friend Seth from across the lunch table, your fresh salad you had nicked from the canteen bar forgotten.

"What do you mean? I helped her out with her end of term project a few weeks ago. She's probably just grateful or something. Not many people gave her grace over the topic" you growled out.

Seth, who was not very bright in social cues only began talking yet again. "No I mean, she's always staring at you now. She was in geography and just now when you sat down. I think she fancies you".

You had to chuckle at that, your laughter filling the lunchroom, your cheeks flushed and eyes wide, you immediately shoved Seth, "that is the most stupid comment I have ever heard!! Pippa fitz Amobi having a crush on me! Me Seth! I'm nobody. Seriously what a notion. She's probably got a few more questions to ask me."

"Well I better prepare because she's coming this way".

Your smile vanished, your eyes wide. "What!"

And like clockwork pipa was in front of your table, blue eyes scanning you. "Sorry to interrupt your lunch hour y/n, but would you mind if I asked you to have dinner with my family and I after school? I know it's sudden. I was going to ask Ravi, but I figured I hadn't properly thanked you for answering my questions"

Seth smiled from the brim of his thermos, making your nerves ramp up even more, but you stayed calm, moving your eyes to Pippa's. A small smile formed on your lips as you took in her face, all furrowed lines and nervous fingers behind her back. You half expected her to serenade you with random facts, a sign she was nervous.

"I really would love to pip" you began, and you watched as Pippa's smile began to grow, her blue eyes alight with something you couldn't understand yet.

"That's wonderful!! My mum is making shepards pie, are you alright with that? I wouldn't want to make something that doesn't sit well with your stomach". Pippa’s nervous rambling was cute to an extent, and you only chuckled.

"I haven't had a decent shepards pie in quite  while, my father isn't a real good cook." You explained, and pipa nodded, before reaching out and taking your hand in hers, your reflex was to pull your hand away, but Pippa's touch was firm, almost gentle as she softly moved your sweater from your Palms, "it's alright, I'll be gentle, no need for a scare" she spoke, directly to you, blue eyes soft as she produced a pen from her Kilton uniform, writing her home address on the back of your palm, the nib of the pen feeling cold against your warm skin.

Seth only remained the smiling idiot he was, wagging his furrowed brows as if to say, 'is that evidence enough?' You only sent him daggers.

Turning back to pip who was on the last letter of her street name, you eyed the canteen, finding little to no teens were sat paid attention to you two. You made a small noise with your throat, watching as pip's eyes flew to yours, a sea of light blue, whispering softly you spoke.

"How's your EPQ going? Have you made any progress? About Andie?" Maybe it was the way her name fell of your lips, or how desperate for answers you were. Pippa's eyes widened, and she spoke fast, "I can't speak of it here. That's partly why I invited you round to my house. I have some more questions. But these need to be answered privately."

Privately?

Pippa must have sensed your apprehension, because she was soon smiling, "nothing to be scared about y/n. If anything your answers have changed my mind about Andie. To an extent. And it will just be us tonight, Ravi is working. I noticed how you clammed up with him last time".

"I didn't clam up, it's just odd having Sal singh's brother eying me like I have some secret I'm hiding from him." You shot back, your confidence seeming to find its way out. You couldn't help but feel that raw feeling weld up in your chest, your teeth gritted out. You felt a flush take over your face as you apologized, your words escaping you. Gosh, here pip was going out of her way to invite you to a dinner, a family dinner that is, where you were probably intruding on, and you had snapped at her.

Pippa only eyed you, eyes flashing over your flared nostrils and wide set eyes,you watched as her eyes remained transfixed to your features, her blue grey eyes darkening just enough as she eyed your flushed cheeks. You would have found that odd, if it were not for your rambling, rapid apologies falling of your lips.  Pip only halted your words, leaning in so close you could smell her perfume, strawberry and raspberry. Your heart raced out of its chest at the way Pip moved to lean over you, her eyes taking in your eyes and your flushed racing chest, the smile that reached her lips was so saccharine that it made your stomach erupt in butterflies. Pip spoke softly against your ear, like it was some sort of secret to be hid from others.  Her words were soft, velvety against her tongue, "I like when you use your voice" she spoke, "it's cute. You look almost like a little puppy, puffing out its chest and barring its teeth. Such a sweet little creature"

From the way Pip smiled victoriously over the way your eyes followed her, almost trance like, you could practically feel Seth's eyes burning holes into you, probably resisting the urge to yell "she's obviously flirting with you!".  Once your brain was cognizant enough to realize that pip had said you reminded her of a dog, a puppy at that. A puppy, the lowest of the forms of dogs. Why didn't she just say you were akin to a baby playing in the sand box? It would have irked you, if we're not for the way that pip stayed eyeing you, a shine in her grey eyes, almost like she was getting some sort of high from teasing you. It made your cheeks flush and your eyes move down to her lips, which were plastered in that smile, the one that twisted your insides in the best way.

You felt your confidence come back to you in tiny spurts, your eyebrows raising, tongue coming to peek out over eager lips, "Who knows Amobi?" You spoke, twisting your lips into a even sweeter smile, your voice taking on a different tone, "I may be a wolf in sheep's clothing, easy on the eyes, soft, sweet, so sweet that you would be blinded by what I could do".

At that you watched as pip's eyes glazed over, her usual pale complexion pink in color. "Is that so?" She began.  "Well I'll just have to see about that. Half past six tonight, don't be late" she spoke, winking at you and walking off. As she walked off, You felt a sudden pang in your chest at your realization. You liked Pippa Fitz Amobi. You had ever since she had held you that day a few weeks ago.  But you never acknowledged it, it felt to odd. Too shameful.  You hadn't had a crush on anyone since Andie, you had stuck to your small group of friends and avoided going out, mostly you stayed in your room, far away from prying eyes and your father, who was too into himself to notice your tear stained cheeks on days you would allow your mind to drift back to Andie.

It almost felt like you betraying her, being here flirting with pip, almost like you had forgotten her for a split moment. Like your pain and anguish had been wiped clean and put back together by the girl in front of you.

Pippa watched you as she sat back with Cara, the way your eyes were downcast, and she felt a pang in her heart, you were still grieving, that part was evident. But if she could just get to know you, the real you she was sure she would be able to help ease the burden. After all Andie and you had been close, close enough that even witnesses and Andie's own friends had stated that Andie had been drawn to you. Like a moth to a flame.

At first pip had found that odd, a girl of Andie's caliber being drawn to you, but as she observed you throughout the weeks she found out two things. first, you we're different than all the other students that roamed these halls of Kilton grammar. You were kind to a fault, the sort of kind that made people smile, and their days brighter. You were a ray of sunshine on a cold dreary day. No wonder Andie had been drawn to you, after all she had been through with her dad, her family life, you had been a breathe of fresh air. A oasis away from the troubles of life. But you were also a mystery, one she couldn't wait to sink her teeth into, to know every little secret you ever had.

"Shall I send off the wedding invitations?" Cara spoke, making pip roll her eyes but steal some of the girls custard, which remained untouched on the girls plate.

"It seems Pip's EPQ is not the only thing she wants to study" seth spoke, and you only rubbed your cheeks in your hands, "oh god! She probably thinks I'm a nutter Seth” you gritted out.

Seth laughed, "after that performance?? Are you kidding me!! If I was a girl I would have fallen for you! I mean, you basically challenged her back. Pip seems like she needs that."

**********

Kilton weather was often dreary, which was why you were partly glad that you had managed to bring your jumper, the air was cold and seemed to nip at your bones. You had snuck away while your father had gone down for bed, his tell tale signs of liquor cans littering the floor and the loud snores indicating he was out for the night.

Not that he minded if you went out, he usually didn't have any notions of where you were, it was a miracle you weren't one of those teenagers who abused that power. You knew many teens who would go wild with the freedom your father gave you. But with freedom came many things, the mood swings, the often vile words that would fall of your fathers lips when he drank too much. You knew he loved you, it was apparent he did, but he never had the courage to say it, never once. You chalked it up the fact that he had never had that himself, your grandparents were the typical Victorian English parents, their idea of affection was a Pat on the back and a job well done.

Drastically different than your mother. Even after years of her being gone you still felt the ache that her face brought. Etched into your memory like a painting that would never waver. Or fade. You hoped. Your mother had been your world, she had been there to pick you up and dust you of, but like everything in life she had withered and vanished. It was a car accident that took her. The icy roads of Kilton still haunted you. So you were on your own. Till Andie of course. Then you felt less alone, less inclined to be alone. Andie wasn't all smiles, she was a girl trapped in a toxic house, where her father would eye her looks, make her feel little than she was. You had understood that to a sense, and would sit and listen as she would talk endlessly about her father.

The Amobi's household was quiet, the house sitting on the edge of town, with a quiet garden in the front that you knew Pippa’s mother had loved to garden in. It didn't surprise you that right as you made it to the door, it opened. Pippa standing in the threshold, a dinner dress on and hair pinned slightly to the side, enough that you couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. 

Vastly different from her regular Kilton uniform,  although the high knee socks did wonders for her appearance.

You couldn't help but notice how formal she looked, meanwhile you were less than formal.

A blush overcame your features, eying your now less than formal dinner attire. "I didn't realize it was fancy dress" you stated, "that dress looks beautiful on you pip. Even I couldn't make it as radiant as you".

Pippa had smiled, her cheeks crimson. "Oh this? I figured you would like to see me in something more than my Kilton uniform. Please, come in. You'll catch your death out here.".

Immediately you were bombared with checkered paws and a snout that began to lick at your face, all rough tongue and eager sniffs. you giggled, moving to draw your hand through the dogs soft fur. "This must be Barney. I've been told we share a couple attributes" you laughed, and the dog only began to bark at you playfully. The moment was ruined quick enough when pip gently moved Barney, "she's not here to see you Barney".

Pip's mother, Mrs Amobi had been almost overjoyed to see you. She had reached out and had hugged you so hard your bones had nearly popped off. She had knew your mother for years and had even stated you looked just like her. It was a comfort to know.

Mr Amobi had been just as nice, smiling and telling you how lovely you looked, you were thankful that a father had noticed. Josh was next, he had quickly said hello to you and asked if you were Pippa's new friend, to which you had eyed pipa and playfully remarked that was up to her. 

Dinner was pleasant. You couldn't remember sitting down to a dinner like this, where the food was made with love and care, where jokes were passed around and by the end you were filled with laughter and a full stomach. You tried not to notice pippa's eyes which were on you for almost half the dinner. It would have seem of putting to anyone else, but you noticed the way Pip's eyes would watch you as your brought trifle to your mouth, grey eyes zeroed in on the ice cream that stuck to your lips. Or the way she would make a joke, eyes seeming to smile wide when you would laugh just a little harder.  While you had gotten up to help Mrs Amobi with the dishes, feeling like a horrid house guest when she had just smiled and told you to sit your pretty self down. You had been hesitant to, but it was only then that pip crossed the room, moving to whisper something in your ear. Goosebumps arose on your forearms and you only watched as she took your hand in her own, fingers slotting against your own.

"Before you leave I was wondering if you wanted to take a look at my EPQ? It's just- I found some things you might be interested in".

You had agreed, feeling your stomach coil pleasanty as pip's fingers wrapped around your own, her grip soft yet firm, fingers caressing your skin. It made your head dizzy with want, the type that would fill your head and cause you to do stupid, stupid things. Luckily as soon as you passed into the threshold of Pips door your eyes caught sight of the board adorning the girls room. And as quickly as the soft syrupy feeling in your stomach had come it was gone. Vanished just of the sight of the crime board,

you were met with the board, Pippa's writing strewn about and evidence upon evidence filling the space. It shouldn't have made you so emotional, but you couldn't help but bring your hands to your lips. After five years pipa had managed to collect more than enough evidence, something the Kilton police hadn't the courage to do.

"You-you did all this?" You spoke, eyes turning to pipa in amazement.

She humbly nodded, "well Ravi helped me. But I did most of the work. I just felt as if I should show you" pip spoke, moving closer to you, enough that her pinky bumped over yours, the soft feeling of skin against your own making your cheeks flushed.

You eyed the board, taking in the utter dedication that had gone into it, but it was what was written on the board that made your heart stop. Not from surprise, or even grief. But anger. Anger that had grown in your chest for years now.

'Andie's secret older guy?' Written in Pipa's messy yet beautiful handwriting stared back at you. You could feel the way your heart had stilled, the world was quiet. Nothing but the board and pipa by your side.

You knew Andie well enough to know that you were just a pawn in her game. Even if she had told you she was fond of you, made you feel special, made you feel like you were important, said she saw you differently than others, she still had used you.  You were never as important as she said you were. Because it was evident from the board that she hadn't been as enthralled with you as it seemed. She had been secretly out with some older man.

You chucked sardonically, eyes moving to pip's ceiling. "Andie always did love her secrets didn't she?" You whispered.  "I know it's silly, but Andie was all I had left after my mum died. She made me feel like I was the most important girl, she would coo at me and tell me that she thought I was beautiful. And then she'd tell me to tell her she was the most beautiful girl in the world. And I would, without hesitation. But now I'm seeing parts of her I didn't recognize, or perhaps pieces that were always there but thanks to my naivety I just brushed off. I'm- I'm angry. Obviously, that she lied to me, it hurts. The type of hurt that makes your eyes burn and your body numb. But I also know that she's still out there, and even if she hurt me I'm not giving up". The conviction   in your voice was enough to cause pip's heart to stop, hoping that someday you'd talk about her like that. With stars in your eyes.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. Because I know this is awfully sudden, but- would you like to be my partner on this case?" Pip spoke, tilting her head and eying you with such soft eyes.

It was different from the flirty Pip from the canteen. Here was just pip, with her soft kind eyes, peering at you with-understanding.

" isn't Ravi your partner? I would hate to intrude-"

"I want you with me" pip has stuttered, eyes wide when she had spoken, but then her eyes calmed and she spoke again, "I want you to help me with this case. You knew Andie better than anyone. And you could be important. Theirs no reason why this case can’t have three investigators”.

You let your eyes fall down to pip's wooden floor. For five years you've wanted the chance to find out what happened to Andie, not just for yourself but her parents, and Becca. The whole Bell family, because even if they had hurt Andie, she had also hurt them in turn. When you meant family, you had no notion of adding Jason bell to the mix.

"Alright" you spoke, lips upturning into a smile.

"I'll help you".  The smile on Pip's lips was reward enough.

******

The first thing you learned about Pip was that she was different from the other girls you'd met. And you had met many, being a tutor at Kilton grammar many had come to you. And they were all the same. The same way of speaking, even the same monotone spirit in their eyes.

But Pip was different. She was clever, well educated. Her brain worked faster than others. Perhaps a touch obsessive, but you would admit that you were also on the edge between obsessive.

"Andie had a burner phone" you spoke, watching as Pip's eyes burned with excitement, Ravi sitting on her chair in her room. It had been a particularly hard day, one that lead with no leads. Till you had spoken, hoping this fact would help. You had remembered seeing Andie silence the phone when you had been studying together, saying something about a Howie Bowers.

Pip's smile was wide and she immediately rushed to you, pulling you into a hug and kissing your cheek, "y/n you clever thing! We need to find that burner phone. Where could it be?" She thought, back to her usual pacing the floor.

Ravi remained standing a few feet from you, eyes refusing to meet your eyes. Ever since pip had introduced you to the team, Ravi had been distant. You knew he liked pip. Could see it in his dark brooding eyes. To him she must have been a goddess, a girl who thought his brother wasn't guilty, who was going to prove it. Might as well propose.

But lately you had seen their dynamic change. Instead of pip always looking to Ravi, her eyes were on you. You were the one she went to, when her dog had disappeared, when she had cried and cried enough tears you had been the one to wipe them away, to calm her down.

And Ravi knew that. And he hated you for it. And you couldn't help but feel like you didn't quite belong.

You brought that up to Pip during one of your sleepovers, the ones that had become usual now. Usual enough that pip even had designated a drawer that belonged to you. Ravi would complain that it wasn't fair that you got to spend the night, but pip would just smile that smile and say something to make him smile. It usually left you with a bad taste in your mouth.

"Ravi isn't fond of me is he?" You had stated. Pip had looked up from her log entries, halting the recorder that was spewing out a very angry Nat De Silva interview.

Pip's eyes had widened, her lips upturned into a questionable smile. Brows filled with concern more like.

"Where on earth did that come from?".

You had rolled your eyes, moving to lay dramatically on her bed, "you act as if you don't see the way he looks at me. Don't get me wrong he's always been cordial. But-I've seen the way he looks at me. Like he hates me. And everything always had to be a competition for him. Like let's see who can win pip first."

At that Pip's smile was evident as she watched you ramble. Taking in your pink lips, your pale complexion, the way your sleep shirt was riding up enough to reveal your braw straps. Something akin to hunger laid in her eyes.

"And I'm not that type of person" you began, rubbing your tired cheeks, eyes taking in the ceiling.

"I don't like when people have to choose sides. Ravi's making this into some stupid competition, like if your friends with me then you can't be friends with him. and that is not who I am! It's stupid and childish! and honestly I am beginning to think I should drop out, let Ravi and you finish the case. Because I am not-"

"I choose you".

The words had halted on your tongue. Lips dry, you immediately sat up, hair a mess of curls and you eyed Pip, who sat up next to you, laptop long forgotten as she eyed you.

Waiting for your response. Her grey eyes holding so much apprehension in them.

You only eyed her with confused eyes, "I don't want you to have to choose-"

"I don't care. I still choose you over him."

Pip was close now, her form leaning over yours, enough that your heart had begun to race. "I can't help it" pip began, her face now so close to your neck, pip smiled when she caught sight of the way your cheeks flushed.

And without even a warning pip was closing the distance, capturing your lips in a kiss. You only allowed your eyes to close, enjoying the way pip was laid on top of you, the weight of her body making you warm and fuzzy.

Pip kissed like her life depended on it, every brush of her lips was deliberate, very stroke of her finger against your cheeks was soft. It left your head spinning and your lips chapped.

"You taste so good" she spoke, in between kisses, her breathe ragged and eyes wild.

Her hands laid possessively over your waist, fingers gripping your skin softly yet firmly. You don't think you've ever been this turned on before, save for your few moments with Andie.

But pip, with her lips that were unforgiving and her hands that were ticking your sides. You had never thought pip Amobi, the girl who use to ask for extra homework would be this experienced.

Pip's lips moved to your chin, your jaw, your neck. And all you could do was whine in protest.

Again you couldn't help but compare Pipa to Andie, no matter how much you tried not no, to convince yourself that they were different people, you couldn't help it. When Andie had been with you, and she had that look in her eye, that familiar glean, the way her fingers would caress your hands, then up your arm. Andie had always been a hurry. She would pull you against her in the girls toilet, shushing you and then kissing you senseless, to her it was some stupid power move. She would have you say how much you were obsessed with her, and then she would leave you even more turned on, moving to wipe lipstick of her lips in the schools dodgy mirror. She never went far enough with you, and you always wondered why.

She had always been eager, that was fact, but she had never done what pip was doing. Eying you with dark blue eyes, Mapping out every detail of your features, "it's not fair for you to look so utterly ravishing" she had uttered, looking somewhat conflicted as she eyed your lips.

Her delicate fingers moved to hover over your face, swiping delicately a piece of hair that had gotten in the way. The way pip had done it, so softly, had made your arousal burn even more.

Pip sighed, fingers moving to dip bellow your chin, gripping softly, yet enough that your breathe hitched as she lazily caressed the skin bellow your chin.

"What am I going to do with you sweet girl?" she purred, eyes dark. "I could take you here right now on my bed like I've imagined so many times, or I could take you on the floor, though I doubt it would be sanitary. Though I would fancy fucking you on my door. You'd look so cute trying to stay quiet" she drawled out, laughing when your cheeks reddened, she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, feigning thinking.

Her smile had been confirmation enough that she had come to a conclusion. Her smile somehow looking like a toss between Pervy and downright Sinful.

"How about we start by removing this lovely top? Hmm?" She cooed, lips leaning in to kiss your lips firmly, leaving you breathless and your brain foggy. You only nodded into the kiss, and Pip very cleverly dodged your lips, wiping away the tiny bit of salvia that followed.

It shouldn't have been hot, you knew that. You knew if you were not being controlled by your horny mind you would have been sick, but from the way Pip had begun unbuttoning your night shirt, each button coming undone sending shivers through you. pip remained stoic, but you could see the control in her eyes shifting as the last button was taken of.

"I trust you pip...you can take it off" you whispered, your voice quiet and calm, yet you felt your body buzzing with anticipation.

It was then that your eyes opened, taking in the dark room, chest heaving as you eyes the girl next to you, watching as her chest rose and fell beside you sound asleep. Had all of that been a dream? Your cheeks flushed, the pit in her stomach opening up as you realized.

You were in love with Pippa fitz Amobi, and you couldn’t deny it any longer. You had to confess, for your sanity.

[sunshine-jesse]

Ashley Graves Did Something Wrong

TCOAL plays a lot of fun games with the ways it makes you perceive events. From the title screen itself, to various pieces of official art, it primes you to accept certain narratives surrounding the game. Namely, the one that Ashley is very not good. She is, in fact, very bad! And it's pretty easy to see why- many of her actions fit neatly into the mold of an abuser. She's controlling, she tries to deflect blame, gaslights Andrew into making him take the blame for things she pushed him to do to begin with, and harasses other women to ruin his relationships with them.

It's all so easy, and makes so much sense. Case closed.

Right? Well, no. But actually yes! But actually, it's not that simple.

Y'see, as I said, the game establishes this framing from the get-go. It introduces us to our, uh, heroes and tells us in no uncertain terms that Ashley is bad and Andrew is a non-entity. It sets this framing intentionally so that many players will engage in a little quirk of human psychology called…

Confirmation bias!

I'm sure we all know what that is, right? Well, for those who don't, it's when we start with a bias towards something- or an idea of how things SHOULD be- and view every piece of evidence as confirmation that said bias is correct. The game, very blatantly, does this with Ashley's actions by priming us to see them as part of an abuse dynamic, with her as the primary abuser. And, indeed, it's not too hard to dig into Andrew's behavior and figure out that he, too, is fucked up and awful and come to the conclusion that their relationship was mutually fucked up and abusive. I did that in my last two essays, so I won't cover that ground again here. With this, it's easy to think that they bring out the worst in each other and that any relationship they have would be toxic, fucked up, dark, and every other word or phrase that describes the same idea, whether it makes them happy or not.

… But what if I told you that this, too, was an intentional misdirection?

So. Let us, for a moment, completely remove the framing that their relationship is toxic. Let us remove the framing that their relationship is abnormal or aberrant. Let's even remove the framing that either one of them is responsible for the harm of the other. I'm not arguing that any of this is not the case. Please, for the love of god, do not think that I am, if only so you can take the rest of what I have to say seriously. What I'm doing is trying to examine the two of them free of as many preconceptions as I can, using nothing but textual evidence and inference to figure out why Andrew and Ashley treat each other the way they do.

I will later examine why they MIStreat each other too, but first comes the reasons they treat each other well.

I'm going to start with Andrew, because, despite being the more complex of the two, it's actually pretty easy to figure out why he treats Ashley the way he does based on what he says. Let's go all the way back to the earliest known incident between the two in the story, where the two of them were at their most, uh, "pure," for lack of a better word: The cupcake scene.

Leyley was supposedly a problem child. She was neglected by her parents, disliked by her friends, and had nobody else but Andrew to rely on. She got nothing- absolutely nothing- from anyone else. And so, Andrew decided to celebrate her birthday, by buying her the cupcakes she wanted, by giving her what she lacked from others. By providing for her, and taking care of her. All he wanted was to make her happy, more than anything else. And, as Nina learned the hard way, at the expense of everyone else.

He doesn't lack empathy, per se. Andy just loves Leyley more than he loves anyone else by such a wide margin that his desire to provide for her overrides his fear of consequences… until those consequences threaten to separate the two of them.

That is a very Gender Roles thing to do. More on that later.

So. Ashley. Everyone's favorite disaster. Why does she treat Andrew the way she does? What does she provide for him? Well, isn't it obvious? She, too, wants to provide for him. Remember, she wanted the lemon cupcake because she thought it's what HE wanted. She also does most of the chores around the house. She prepares food, cleans the house, and does their laundry. She also provides for his non-sexual physical needs by offering him comfort whenever he needs it. It makes her feel useful. Wanted. Needed.

Ah, another very Gender Roles thing to do. See where I'm going with this?

The two neatly fit into a standard husband/wife relationship in a lot of ways. It's THE platonic ideal of such a relationship, actually! They make each other happy and provide WHAT THEY THINK the other really wants. It's really cute and perfect! As long as you ignore all the bad.

ignore all the bad …ignore all the bad… But we obviously shouldn't ignore all the bad. That would be ridiculous.

What I want to do is, instead, examine where the bad comes from, and why it's there. With the abuser/abused dynamic in mind, it's pretty easy to come to the conclusion that a mutual desire for control and power over the other is the sole determining factor. It's arguably the Central Theme of the game, and maybe a big part of what Nemlei is trying to convey. But, like, why should it end there? Why should that be where the analysis ends? There's a reason for everything.

They don't want to control each other for its own sake. They don't want to control each other solely to cover their own insecurities.

So why?

Ashley, first. She's obviously an insecure little monster, having never received the validation that she needs to really come into her own as a person. She keeps seeking it. Keeps trying to provide for Andrew. Keeps trying to make herself useful. Now, let's look at her calls towards Julia:

"DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!? Just because you can fuck him and I can't?"

Ah, wait, hold on a minute.

"You think that's love?! Are you fucking delusional?? Cumdumpsters like you are just that."

Where does that wording come from?

"He will never love you. Not like he loves me. I am the only one. I am everything."

She doesn't need validation just for the sake of her insecurities. She needs it because she needs Andrew to be happy, and in her mind, she's the only one who can provide it. She knows him better than anyone else. She can see how happy she seems to make him, and that nobody else can do what she does. She knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she makes Andrew more comfortable than anyone. She knows how important physical affection is to him. She can feel it. She doesn't lack empathy towards his plight or feelings; she has more of it than anyone, actually!

But Andrew, crucially, never seems to provide her any validation for this, even though she knows better. That's why she's so insecure.

"But wait," you might say, "didn't he, literally, fucking kill for her?"

Yes. But he always tries to place the blame on Ashley or use her as a scapegoat, when he was the one who pulled the trigger. He never accepts even the smallest amount of responsibility. And if a man can't even take responsibility for the violence he inflicts on others, what does that say about him? What does it say about how much he actually cares? oh. more gender roles. huh.

In Ashley's mind, that validation isn't validation because he didn't do it to prove he cared about her. He did it to shut her up. And… he never says anything to the contrary. He refuses to. All his validation is depressingly, overbearingly conditional.

His words always come with a caveat. They're always said in spite of something. They lack warmth. They lack kindness. They lack affection. She is never, ever given a key to lock the door to her insecurities…

…even though Andrew obviously has that key. He just refuses to give it to her.

But why?

Society! :D

There is something so fundamentally, obviously wrong with the way Andrew feels towards Ashley. She is a tar soul. A pariah. So horrid that her parents don't want her, so obviously bad that even demons don't want her. And yet Andrew, in spite of everything, still wants her. He wants to take care of her, when society tells him not to bother. He wants to protect her from other men, and even from herself. It manifests as jealousy because…

He, too, thinks the only one qualified to provide for Ashley is himself, because he was the only one who ever had. Violence comes so naturally to him that he takes it for granted. He kills for her, threatens to physically assault her when he thinks she's putting herself in danger.

It's so second nature to him that he thinks it should obviously be enough. But it isn't. His violence is so second nature as to be passive. It's non-committal. And what Ashley wants is committment.

But because of how society views Ashley, and how the world would view a romantic relationship between them, he can't truly commit to her. He can't give her the validation she really needs, because everything and everyone has told him that it's wrong. That she's wrong. And all his parents ever taught him is to be afraid of how others will react to that wrongness.

hey look, a man fearing the commitment a woman wants from him! more gender stereotypes!! I wonder what this game is trying to say!!!

Maybe I'm crazy or something. Maybe I'm just looking into it too deep. But I don't really care. I don't care if this is the intended reading, and neither should you. The fact of the matter is that most of the things that define them as toxic are not their fault. Most of the reasons they mistreat each other come from without, rather than within. The only reason they can't love each other is because the world tells them not to. Because it expects them to fill certain roles, to be certain people.

But Ashley can only ever be herself.

Maybe someone who's an actual expert on this subject matter could weigh in and give a true feminist reading. But me? I'm just here to point out patterns. I'm just here to point out facts. And one of those facts is that, to the world around her, Ashley did something wrong: She was born.

The Steam reviews of this game are fucking funny, but a lot of them say one thing that couldn't be further from the truth:

"I can fix her!"

No, you can't. She's only 'broken' in the context of her environment.

But in the words of another analyst:

It's madness to expect tar to behave like water.

So cut them some slack! They might finally succeed in a world that wanted nothing more than for them to fail. It's not our right to take that away from them.

[nemastraea]

Doormat extraordinaire: Andrew Graves is down horrendous for his own sister | Part 2

Here's a link to the previous half of the essay: Part 1 Here's a link to the AO3 version for archive purposes: The doormat extraordinaire has a bit of a romantic streak,

Content warning: This will heavily feature spoilers from Episodes 1 & 2 of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. Trigger warning: Abuse, cannibalism, child neglect, codependency, harassment, incest, murder, self-harm, and suicide. Disclaimer: I will occasionally reference an extremely normal essay from Sufficient Velocity commenter Leyleyfication (here). It would be a lot easier to read this essay first as Leyleyfication does a pretty good job establishing the following: - Ashley is dependent on Andrew to assure and validate her of her own insecurities, and - The game heavily implies that Andrew wants to fuck his own sister.

So in the previous half of the essay, I got to talk about how, yes, why we can comfortably say Andrew wants to fuck his own sister. We also got into how that attraction manifests as his desire to exert his control, and domination, of Ashley. Hopefully, that's the bulk of the essay (I think).

But what about the possessive aspect that I mentioned?

That's what this half of the essay will get into and hopefully, the fatalist aspect of Andrew's attraction.

Episode 2, common route. I had to throw this screenie in somewhere for how out of pocket it is as a thought.

Wow, you're both possessive and jealous!

Thankfully, it's actually a lot easier to list the situations wherein he's possessive and jealous of Ashley. Unfortunately, I don't have all of the necessary screenshots (and I am fucking crying over it).

In Episode 1, Andrew is immediately upset by Ashley loudly wondering if getting pregnant would get the wardens to call help for the siblings.

In Episode 1, Andrew is offended that Ashley is offended that the wardens didn't find her attractive like the Lady from Room 302 to bargain food in exchange of sexual favors.

Again, in Episode 2, Andrew 'lightly' threatens to backhand Ashley when she jokingly suggests being a call girl.

These ones... are almost easy to dismiss. It's actually very easy to reason it's Andrew being a protective older brother: after all, who would want to be in the same apartment when their sibling is having sex somewhere else? That's the answer that Andrew gives to pacify Ashley after leaving Room 302. Having sex with someone who's brother is walking around the apartment is very, very awkward.

And that's even before we factor in that the two share their childhood room. The game plays into what is likely our real-life mortification and discomfort regarding similar scenarios.

But there are times when it's both in our face, and inexcusable. When it doesn't really fall under that notion of brotherly protectiveness: Andrew's dream and memories from Episode 2. The first is when Andrew reflects on the people he's killed up to this point, particularly the warden he killed in the cultist's apartment.

Episode 2, common route. The warden here is likely Malcom. If you compare Ashley's reaction to the wardens' arrangement with the Lady from Room 302 to this moment, we can probably read this as Ashley being so disinterested in others that she doesn't notice attraction and leering. Andrew, meanwhile, can.

The second is when we learn what happened after the siblings left the Bitch in the Box to, yanno, die from her asthma in a likely moldy box in an abandoned warehouse.

When Andy sees Nina's body, he's not wracked with the guilt of her death. He doesn't care about whether or not that reflects on his morals as conveniently forgetting Nina was asthmatic and begged for help, only for Andy to prioritize Leyley. No, Andy's train of thought went from "I don't want people to find the body" to "I don't want people to know it was [us] who killed her" to this.

Episode 2, common route. Leyleyfication pointed out that this outburst precedes Leyley weaponizing the moral consequences of Nina's death against Andy. Andy, even now with Andrew, doesn't particularly care about moral consequences. Although, getting into Andrew's moral framework as driven by appearances and the fear of legal and societal consequences is a whole different word vomit.

Of course, Andrew being concerned that he'll lose Ashley can be chalked up to the fact that he's been her primary caretaker and the third parent (the most active one, mind you) all his life. To take Ashley away is to upend the foundations of Andrew's sense of normalcy. But that doesn't really align with how Andrew repeatedly emphasizes his candid closeness with Ashley, or his preoccupation with her fat tits (their words, not mine).

Episode 2, common route. When you pair this with the optional interactions of Ashley repeatedly blocking Andrew's view of the TV at the motel, it's actually kinda funny how Andrew's eyes trail to her chest.

Ashley is Andrew's pride and joy ("my Ashley") and he also doesn't like being away from her long enough to spy on a failed attempt at summoning demons. He takes sadistic pleasure in being able to kill the warden who leers at her, Andy uncharacteristically has violent outbursts at the notion of losing Leyley.

Ashley's insecurity and jealousy is almost always front and center throughout the game. But the game also takes care to weave Andrew's obsession with Ashley whenever it can. It's a lot more subtle, and perhaps missable, since Ashley almost never shows interest in anyone but Andrew.

We can possibly argue that Andrew finds comfort in this, that he is 'secure' in the sense that Ashley looks at no one else but him. But even something as Ashley simply expressing wonder at alternative scenarios is deeply upsetting to Andrew, enough to provoke his threat of violence.

Whether or not that comes up in either route for Episode 3 (Burial and Decay) is up in the air, but my immediate impression is that Andrew will be forced to dredge up his obsessive need for Ashley to be by his side, to be his, and his alone. It's not really that different from Ashley's desire and love for him. Really, the only difference is Andrew doesn't really mind having acquaintances or a social life outside of Ashley, but Ashley does. If Andrew deludes us into assuming he isn't in love with his sister, there's a good chance he's denying it to himself, too.

(I do want to hark back on Leyleyfication's essay again, when Andrew asks Ashley to reassure him that they won't end up sleeping together. In that regard, not only is Ashley the one he allows to 'veto' that possible outcome, but we can infer that Andrew wouldn't know how to walk away if ever the opportunity presents itself. He's hoping that Ashley's restraint is what keeps them from crossing that line, because god knows Andrew can't help himself.)

Episode 2, Burial route. Andrew values Ashley's opinion; usually when it conveniences him and what he wants. But if you choose, "never say never," although Andrew doubles down on his show of disgust and mortification, he doesn't get pissed at her or start emotionally distancing himself from her.

Andrew is a tragic romantic, hallelujah!

When I first played the game, the first thing that struck me about Andrew's behavior wasn't when Ashley woke up in his lap. It's not when he throws her the balcony key because he'll follow her to check on the cultist if she'd like. It's when, completely unprompted, he goes on about how romantic it would be if they died in a double suicide:

What? You don't see it? Just imagine hitting the ground together. And with such force our bodies turn into a pile of gory mush. Never to be separated! Our remains would get so tangled up they'd have to bury us together in the same coffin.

Episode 1, common route. You live on the fourth floor, Andrew.

This resurfaces when Ashley doesn't first wake up in the car in Episode 2. He confesses that if she had not woken up, he would have brought her to the hospital. Admittedly, doing so would alert the authorities to their identities: hospital staff would be concerned as to why they look like they're recovering from being emaciated, they're likely paler than the average person, and so forth. They'll ask for a means to identify Ashley, at least, and then they'll find out that both Graves siblings were legally pronounced dead three months prior to Andrew walking into the emergency room.

That is the pronounced risk that Ashley points out and the same risk that Andrew readily dismisses in his panic and worry. And in a way, it would make sense: if Andy was so terrified of upsetting Leyley that he'd willingly keep a girl trapped overnight, if Andy was so terrified of losing Leyley that he'd rather hide Nina's body, why wouldn't Andrew say fuckit, let's risk getting jailed if Ashley isn't waking up?

But this sense of fatalism is more pronounced in the Decay route, of all places. You know, the one where Andrew resents and blames Ashley for everything and hates her so much she dreams of him killing her some way or another. Jesus.

Episode 2, Decay route. When Andrew doesn't see a point in planning their next steps, he admits he has a strong urge to kill them both.

Barring Ashley's first vision of the hitman killing them both, or even the hidden Steam achievement where Ashley finds the hitman in the closet, Ashley's death is a subject only ever thrown around in the context of dying with Andrew, or by Andrew. Just the same, it's almost always succeeded (or preceded; again: hitman vision) by Andrew's hypothetical death.

Ashley starts and ends with Andrew; he's how she's survived for this long, and she's okay with that. But Andrew starts and ends with Ashley, too. His self-preservation goes out the window where the threat of fatally losing Ashley is concerned, and his morals bend where being separated from Ashley is also concerned.

In Decay, Andrew can loathe and resent Ashley as much as he wants. He can blame her as the motivation and reason for why he does what he does. But he genuinely cannot live without her. The consequences of his actions don't bother him insofar as they don't jeopardize his and Ashley's relationship, or Ashley's well-being. That's what matters to Andrew, ultimately.

He lashes out at her, yes, but he consistently feels awful when his behavior drives Ashley away somehow. There is regret in hurting her (verbally, or physically) even when he hates and loathes her so deeply.

Perhaps the most telling, however, is the pay-off of the gun (I told you we'd come back to that eventually!!). In the chase sequence of Ashley's vision in Decay, she has the opportunity to defend herself. But only if Andrew didn't use up all of the ammo when he goes to find and deal with the hitman at the park.

The player is presented with a choice: either Ashley shoots Andrew with the gun, or lets Andrew kill her. The option of Ashley killing Andrew in self-defense is very interesting (but again, that's a different essay entirely). But what happens if Ashley chooses to let Andrew kill her is also just as interesting:

Episode 2, Decay route. Andrew's hand that restrained Ashley by the hair shifts to cradle her face by the jaw. This moment is also preceded by the first time Ashley's little heart bubble is colored a light pink.

When Andrew kills Ashley through this outcome, he does so efficiently: it's visualized by a single blood splatter. In contrast, Andrew killing Ashley because she can't even choose to defend herself is pure viscera: there are more blood splatters, violent as they come onto the screen, and excessive in contrast to him killing the first warden in Ashley's defense. It's pure loathing.

In this outcome, Andrew kills her in what he promises will be a murder-suicide. Perhaps he frees the both of them from the constant threat of evading law authorities, but his last words suggest he expects to rejoin her in whatever conception of the afterlife he has.

As of either route divergence from Episode 2, Andrew is someone who's both in love with his own sister—and someone unwilling to separate himself from her. Perhaps in the more platonic Burial route, Andrew is a bit more relaxed and is seemingly less troubled by his nightmares; he doesn't depend on Ashley as much. But what remains constant is his attempt to plan for the future with Ashley in tow; platonic Burial Andrew won't leave Ashley for the foreseeable future, either.

So yeah, Andrew wants to fuck, own, and have his sister and he's kinda crazy. He's so batshit. As Leyleyfication put it, I also want to dissect this man in a lab.

Episode 1, common route. Ashley doesn't seem to fully grasp that Andrew (even Andy, back then) loves her so much that he genuinely cannot fathom being separated from her. In her defense, though, Andrew implies he can leave her and routinely suggests he loathes having to put up with her. His mixed signals would drive anyone crazy, man.