#andreas is still mastering guitar

[raye-sim]

half of no name plays open mic night at o’malley’s!

[black-arcana]

Every Lacuna Coil album ranked from worst to best

(Image credit: Cunene)

9. Shallow Life (2009)

Lacuna Coil’s fifth album was meant to be a critique on superficiality, but it fell flat musically. Missing the nu metal crunch of predecessor Karmacode and stripped of the opulence that characterised the band’s earlier material, Shallow Life meanders. Though it’s not a complete car crash (Spellbound is an obvious standout), it’s slim pickings.

8. Dark Adrenaline (2012)

Dark Adrenaline isn’t a terrible album; it’s just an unremarkable one. Meaty opener Trip The Darkness and a cinematic Intoxicated provide the highpoints amongst more generic, forgettable fare. There’s still little here we haven’t heard from the band before, however – plus that truly horrible cover of R.E.M.’s Losing My Religion misses the mark in every way. 

7. Broken Crown Halo (2014)

By the time Lacuna Coil released their seventh album, it felt like they had made the same statement at least three times in a row. The last release to feature the long-term members Cristiano “Pizza” Migliore  (guitars) and Cristiano “Criz” Mozzati (drums), Broken Crown Halo packs more grit and punch than predecessor Dark Adrenaline (Cybersleep and frequent set-closer Nothing Stands In Our Way are the highlights). Yet, there’s still no doubt by this point: the band were treading water. 

6. In A Reverie (1999)

Dreamy, doomy and gothic, Lacuna Coil’s debut has aged very well. Circle, To Myself I Turned and Glass Veins have lost none of their majesty and, while the Italians’ approach at this point is clearly indebted to Paradise Lost and The Gathering’s 1995 album Mandylion, Cristina and Andrea’s serene/raw vocal attack set this bunch apart right from the start. A promising beginning.

5. Karmacode (2006)

By the mid-2000s, Lacuna Coil had nailed their ethereal goth ways. So, it was a surprise when they changed gears with fourth album Karmacode, introducing a more mainstream, chunky, nu metal-flavoured sound with focus on melody. The move sacrificed much of their splendour and atmospherics, and tracks like The Game and Closer feel a tad too simplistic, but elsewhere, the band proved they had mastered a hook. Their excellent cover of Depeche Mode’s Enjoy The Silence broke them to an even bigger audience, too.

4. Unleashed Memories (2001)

Lacuna Coil’s second album is an elegant, slow-burning gem. You need to work a little harder to get under the surface of these songs, but once you do, there’s an abundance of gorgeous charms to discover. From the sumptuous and dignified Heir Of A Dying Day to a towering To Live Is To Hide, the still very Paradise Lost-influenced When A Dead Man Walks to the ornate Cold Heritage, the band were evolving at pace.

3. Delirium (2016)

In their post-Karmacode period, Lacuna Coil had settled into a safe, predictable groove. Then, with eighth album Delirium, they changed their methodology once again. On its release, tracks like Broken Things and Blood, Tears, Dust were dark and dripping with claustrophobic tension. They were startlingly heavy as well, helped in no small part by vocalist Andrea Ferro putting in some of his best guttural vocals to date. Foreboding, haunted and cold, it was the sound of a band renewed.  

2. Black Anima (2019)

Lacuna Coil’s most recent album finds them in fantastic form. Picking up where Delirium left off, the band have only continued to get heavier, leaving the generic, featherlight melodies of their mid-career slump far behind. Packed with atmosphere and highlights in Sword Of Anger and Layers Of Time, it’s not as stark as its predecessor, while the Exorcist vibes of Veneficium are definitely something they should lean into in the future. Whereas Cristina’s piercing vocals are dependably great, pushing her voice to new height on Reckless, the biggest surprise is Andrea,: unrecognisable from the band’s early days, his bowel-rattling vocals takes the band’s stylings to an ever more twisted realm.

1. Comalies (2002)

Comalies is the moment everything came together for Lacuna Coil in terms of aesthetics and sound, but also songwriting, which took everything up a notch. It was led by two excellent singles: the celestial Swamped and Heaven’s A Lie – which marries an earworm chorus with glossy, apocalyptic grandeur – and broke the band on MTV.

The opus is also a trove of emotionally-charged gems, with Daylight Dancer, Humane, Tight Rope and Entwined all deserving a place on a countdown of the band’s best songs. In 2022, Lacuna Coil celebrated the album’s 20th anniversary by rearranging and re-recording it for a retrospective, Comalies XX, adding a heavier, more ferocious slant to the tracklist. It couldn’t hold a candle to the original, though, which remains a goth metal classic – not to mention the band’s undisputed masterpiece. 

[tv-girllover07]

Something metal🥁

Kevin Schlieb x fem!reader

Movie: Metal lords

Part 9

Blue italic= there thoughts

Green italic= Kevin narrating

Scene skip ⏭️

“It’s only a wedding” I said to Hunter while I drive as I could hear the clacking of earls toying as he played with them in the backseat

“Look, you’ve got to understand something, Kevin. We don’t fit in.” He spoke to me in a lower voice

“You can try as hard as you want. You can get yourself a girlfriend, or whatever, but you still won’t fit in” He kept on talking

I quickly cut him off “She doesn’t fit in either. Why can’t we all not fit in together?” I asked him getting pissed off

“We’re not taking about that now. I don’t even wanna go there. We’re talking about you being a traitor--”

“Maybe I wanna talk about it” I said louder as I kept on driving

“I’m the founding member of Skullfucker, and I say no Yokos.”

Earl leans in from the backseat “You said ‘Fuck’.”

“We are both founding members of Skullfucker.” I said “Don’t!” Earl yelled from the backseat

“I am way more founding. I write songs, buy equipment, designed our Facebook page--”

I cut him off yelling “Oh, fuck our Facebook page!”

“I’m the founding member of Skullfucker, and I say no Yokos!”

“No more fuck!” A scream came from the backseat

“Shut up!” I yelled back at Earl and a little at Hunter

“End of conversation.”

“No, you-- No. You can’t just declare end of conversation. You don’t have that authority.” I spoke turning my head back and forth from Hunter to the road

When Hunter didn’t say anything and just continued to look out the window I look over at him and sigh “Fine, end of conversation.”

Scene skip ⏭️

Y/n’s POV

“And that is how you knit a sweater.” Andrea finished her presentation, she walks back to her seat as we all clap for her

“Very good, Andrea. Did you hear how she enunciated and projected? Get her all the way in the back, right?” The teacher spoke with a kind and soft voice, she has always been my favourite teacher

“And now, Hunter.” By the end of her sentence the sound of a electric guitar blasts in the class room

We all gasp and jump in our seats looking towards the back of the class where the sound was coming from

“Death closes all, But something ere the end. Some work of noble note. May yay be done not unbecoming men that strove with gods.” Hunter spoke through out the class as he walked around

“Tennyson’s Unysses. You might know it from your English class. This speech is about metal” Hunter then slams his foot on the desk next to mine and I flinch, he then plays a fast rhyme right in my ear

I sigh and roll my eyes, he stops playing and continues on with walking around the room “Metal is about what ‘Ulysses’ was about. Striving with gods. Striking out for unknown territory. The people that crossed the Bering Strait 12,000 years ago?” At the end of the sentence he plays the same riff again “Metal”

“That Kon-Tiki guy?” He asked and thanked again plays the same riff “Metal” I look down at my page with a questioning look on what ever the hell he was talking about

“The people on the Mayflower…” he plays a loud short screeching note “…would’ve been metal if it weren’t for all the Jesus crap. And Ulysses l, what did he do? Huh?” He walks down the aisle where I’m sat “Read Dante. He’ll tell you. Ulysses got together the baddest ass crew he could find, and then he sails off beyond the Pillars of Hercules, and then he was drowned, and pulled right down to hell.”

He starts to play the riff of Master of Puppets “Eighths circle” and then plays while he’s speaking “What is more metal than that? Only the ninth circle. So… achieving your dreams with fellow badasses…” he walked by me and had a fist pointed towards me “…going to hell if you have to…Oh, that sounds great, right?” He simply asked, my breathing started to get heavy as I started to get pissed off with his speech

“But it wasn’t so easy for Ulysses. See, he had, um… He had Penelope” and as Hunter said that he stared right at me, as my breath picked up even more as he talked “Mrs. Ulysses, keeping him down.”

He started talking in a Scottish accent while still starring at me as he knew his speech was getting to me, and I caught on to what he was talking about

“Stay home, Be king, Go to work every day.” My face twitched with anger

“He wasted decades of his life on that shit” and the teacher saw the look on my face and realized what was going to happen “Hunter”

Hunter ignored her and played his guitar “Stop it” I muttered as my eyes started to water a little at the amount of anger I was holding in

“But one day, Ulysses decided he was finished with his woman.” He stated as he walked closer

“Hunter, that’s enough!” The teacher yelled at him but Hunter just kept going 

“It was inevitable. Sooner or later, the metal inside him was bound to rise up…And crush whatever stood in its path!”

He was finally at the foot of my desk yelling at me and I finally snapped, I broke the pencil in my hand and yelled “Fucker! You fucking cunt!”

“You’re fucking crazy!” He yelled

As the rest of the kids ran out of the class I stood up out of my seat and grabbed my book threatening to throw it at Hunter “I’ll fucking-- I will fucking kill you!” I screamed and through the book at him “Don’t you ever come near me again!” I ran to grab a chair, I picked it up, and ran at him with it screaming “Not the guitar!” The next thing I knew was the sound of the guitar hitting the ground.

Scene skip

Hunter’s POV

After the whole incident I was sent to Dean Swanson office “That was inappropriate, bordering on inexcusable.” She said while shaking her head “I completely agree” I said and held the ice pack to my head

“I’m talking about you.” And my eyes widened and look towards her “Wait, what?”

“Is that what you’ve learned from your interactions with the vicious morons like Skip Hoffman? Hmm? How to torment people weaker than you?” I asked in disbelief

“Look, I’ve got some personal issues with her--” but she cut me off with a stern tone “I could give a shit about your personal issues with that poor girl. That girl has been through way too much much. Now you’re going to write down exactly what you did.” She placed down a note pad and a pen on the desk “If Miss Johnson corroborates your account, I’ll include it in the disciplinary notice I’ll send to your father. If she doesn’t, I will suspend you.” I take the pad and pen and leave.

Part 10 🥁

[mirandamckenni1]

REASONS BEHIND ft. Steva (Deathless Legacy) & Grace Darkling (Nocturna) - I³ (Official Video) Pre-save/Pre-order the new album: https://ift.tt/5BvTqEO Subscribe to Scarlet Records channel: https://www.youtube.com/ScarletRecordsYT ‘I3’ is the second single taken from the new Reasons Behind album ’Architecture of an Ego’ to be released on May 26th. Music and lyrics by Gabriele Sapori Recorded, mixed and mastered by Giuseppe “Dualized” Bassi Published by Scarlet Records Srl Video: Matteo Ermeti: director, editor Elisa Bonafè: art direction & styling Sara De Blasi: make-up artist & hair stylist Produced by Reasons Behind Lyrics: Out in the streets another night begins, they’re still here with me (shadows in my ears like humming): Wired in my brain the ghosts they keep on calling me, changing the fabric of reality. Lying in bed, I can hear three voices stuck in my head, they keep coming in and out of nowhere… (They’re) always there, dressed in grief and malice, pulling my strings and taking hold of me. Shards of a mirror: I see there are three of me, still can’t find the one that I am meant to be. Haunting my life and my sleep, a strange war within as the world’s so distant in my head. Savage and deep, this struggle from within still burns on my skin (yet a thousand shivers crawling). I talk to myself, but every time I’m someone else, suddenly changed my body’s chemistry. Once again I can hear these voices stuck in my head, they keep coming in and out of nowhere… (They’re) always there, dressed in grief and malice, pulling my strings and taking hold of me. Shards of a mirror: I see there are three of me, still can’t find the one that I am meant to be. Haunting my life and my dreams, a strange war within as the world’s so distant again. Split in my head, torn between opposed realities, a three faced fire still dwells inside of me. Give up the purpose, look at the world we made... do as you’re told, your every single day… forget about whim: it doesn’t fit the plan... just stand in line, the let it happen stand... Fragments of self I perceive I’m now coping with... Can I handle all this? REASONS BEHIND: Elisa Bonafè - vocals Gabriele Sapori - guitars, keyboards & programming Michele Cavalca - bass Andrea Gambini - drums Guest vocalists: Steva (Deathless Legacy): https://ift.tt/4mxlcJq Grace Darkling (Nocturna): https://ift.tt/KZfV378 Many thanks to Alessio Lucatti & Eden Studios https://ift.tt/XuYUb04 https://ift.tt/3DSOWNl https://ift.tt/9bQFg4p https://ift.tt/oGdRkYt For fans of Amaranthe, Delain, Within Temptation #edmmetal #cybermetal #modernmetal via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYwgHvx3wVg

[ilovejevsjeans]

WHAT MAKES ‘PECULIAR’ McLAREN SO HARD FOR RICCIARDO TO MASTER

The esoteric driving-style demands of the McLaren MCL35M have been laid bare during the 2021 Formula 1 season by Lando Norris consistently producing superb performances while new team-mate Daniel Ricciardo has faced a long, hard and often fruitless slog to adapt.

Norris and former McLaren team-mate Carlos Sainz also found the car tricky to drive, but ultimately adapted well. But over his first 11 races as a McLaren driver, Ricciardo has been frustrated by attempting to implement a counter-intuitive driving style required by what he’s described as a “peculiar” car.

“I knew straight away it was a different beast,” said Ricciardo of the McLaren-Mercedes MCL35M.

“I’d be lying if I said the Renault wasn’t a different beast to the Red Bull, so they are all different. But there’s certainly some things where this car is slightly more peculiar. That’s the puzzle that I’m still trying to solve.

“But every car will respond and react differently, and this one’s got a couple of other things, I guess.”

Usually, you would expect a driver of Ricciardo’s high calibre to get on top of a new car after half-a-dozen races. Certainly, he thought that was how long the process would take before reluctantly admitting more recently that his struggles are “a reality” rather than a temporary problem.

McLaren’s executive director of racing, Andrea Stella, suggests the problem is Ricciardo is from the “opposite end” in terms of driving style. But what exactly is it about the McLaren that is so specific and has caused so many struggles, and why can’t these characteristics be dialled out easily?

“What we kept is some characteristics of our car that make it very special to drive, which we see with the experience Daniel is going through because he came from the opposite end in terms of how you would like to drive a Formula 1 car,” said Stella of the transition from 2020 to ’21.

“Our car requires some special adaptation, while we work to improve this aspect. It’s no secret that our car is good in high-speed corners and may not be the best car when you have to roll speed in mid-corner.

“We are trying to adjust some of the characteristics to make it a little bit more manageable to drive. At the same time, the important thing to deliver is aerodynamic efficiency, even if we couldn’t necessarily improve in terms of balance and [driver] exploitation of the car.

“We are relatively happy with the rate of improvement of aerodynamic efficiency that we have been able to achieve in early races and hopefully a little bit more will be coming in the next races.”

So let’s delve a little more into the characteristics of the McLaren that have stymied Ricciardo. In keeping with what Stella says about high-speed performance, Silverstone in July was a strong qualifying performance relative to Norris, even though he struggled for race pace.

But Silverstone is a high-speed circuit without so many medium and slow speed corners that remand more rotation of the car. It’s here, with the kinds of corners that dominate at the Red Bull Ring and Hungaroring, which hosted the races either side of Silverstone, that have proved difficult.

Ricciardo’s problem is that he likes to carry speed into the corner by braking a little earlier (except when making one of his trademark overtaking moves) and rolling the speed into the corner. The McLaren has a front-end weakness that is mitigated by braking later, but then appears to still require a relatively progressive application of steering lock.

Ricciardo has struggled to do this, often braking earlier than Norris and ending up with the car under-rotated, meaning he is still traction limited for longer in the exit phase than Norris simply because he’s effectively extending the corner.

“He’s a driver who likes to roll the speed in the corner and not necessarily attack the braking as much as our car requires,” said Stella. “We understood very quickly what the issue was. We could model this aspect, which means Daniel knows what to do in terms of working on the simulator, in terms of coaching the driver. But the progress that we do see race after race is not necessarily a switch.

“Sometimes I use the example of a musician. You can tell him how to play the guitar, you can use a lot of theory but at some stage he will have to spend quite a lot of time with the guitar and make quite a lot of exercises. You don’t necessarily take a step in concerts. Most of the progress you make will be when you work in background at home and you spend hours and hours exercising.”

Just as Ricciardo has done, Stella points out the lack of testing opportunities has made this problem harder to get on top of. Ricciardo had just a day-and-a-half in the car pre-season and since then has done his learning on race weekends. At times, he’s been intensively coached by race engineer Tom Stallard as he battles to tune into a driving style he’s at odds with.

But this has to fit in with the usual work of the race weekend and can’t waste time doing needless experimentation. It’s an extra distraction, but Stella says he’s “optimistic” Ricciardo will eventually get on top of it – and has been impressed with how his racecraft has at least made it possible to put together a solid run of results, albeit only scoring 50 points compared to Norris’s 113.

The obvious question is why McLaren can’t simply change the characteristics of its car. After all, we have seen other drivers who had to adapt to the machinery be met in the middle by teams, notably Fernando Alonso who benefitted from a power steering change that gave him the sensitivity he needed to optimise his driving style.

But in the case of the McLaren, it is more about the aerodynamic characteristics than the mechanical ones. And even if the trait could be eliminated, it would likely make the car less competitive. The need to brake late and the fact the car can have a weak front end perhaps indicates the necessity to be more aggressive in shifting the aero centre of pressure forwards at corner entry in lower and mid-speed corners.

If you brake earlier and roll the car into the corner as Ricciardo wants to, the aero centre of pressure will not be as far forward as if the car is on the nose. But in attempting to make this style work, there is also a more aggressive shift in the aero centre of pressure rearward as the driver comes off the brakes, which also appears to be creating a limitation for Ricciardo in the corner entry phase.

It’s also a style that is close to Norris’s default approach, although it’s important to note that he’s put a huge amount of effort into evolving his driving style in recent years.

At the end of 2019, he spoke about experimenting with his style in the Abu Dhabi test and given he and Sainz struggled in different ways, the pair were able to learn from each other. The result of that was a tricky car but that both could make work – but creates a driving challenge that surprised Ricciardo.

Stella is uncertain how long this characteristic has been in the DNA of the McLaren, although it appears to have been for some time. After all, progressing along development paths often augments such characteristics over time.

“We have been scratching our heads on how long this characteristic goes back in time,” said Stella.

“The aerodynamics is where the forces come from and I think it goes back to some seasons before the current season. It’s a set of characteristics in terms of how the car delivers the aerodynamic forces, which is not new to this year’s car.

“This year’s car is a close sister of last year’s and there’s certainly a close relationship to the previous years’ cars. So it has to do with the methodology that can produce quick cars, but with some [specific] characteristics.”

It’s also important to remember that the aerodynamic characteristics are not independent of the mechanical ones.

What’s crucial is the interaction of the mechanical platform and the aero – as well as the all-important aero performance of the floor.

This is not just about how the car is loaded up front to rear, but also in other directions. It’s a hugely complex equation to capture these interactions through all phases of a corner and this is where understanding of the characteristics will lie. This is why McLaren is largely stuck with the characteristics for the rest of the season.

“F1 cars are entirely dominated by aerodynamic delivery,” said Stella. “Then you work with suspension and the other mechanical aspects, but those aspects are often compensation and integration, not the leading parameter which is the aerodynamic delivery of the car at the various attitudes, the attitudes being the front ride height, the rear ride height, the yaw angle, the roll angle.

“This is what causes the car to be strong in a straight line and to be less strong as soon as you generate some yaw angle or rotation of the car. At the same time, when I talk about aerodynamics, this is definitely what leads to this characteristic, but it is also quite difficult to fine tune because to generate the aerodynamic forces you need to establish floor structure.

“It takes months or years of development to consolidate these floor structures so that you can achieve the aerodynamic efficiency of the car is absolutely astonishing and never matched in the past by any Formula 1 car.

“So when you embed these characteristics so deeply, it is difficult to change them. So it’s easier to work with mechanical aspects, but even those aspects are relatively limited because of homologation in 2021.

“You find yourself relatively stuck and that’s why a lot of the requirement and a lot of the demand shifts to the driver’s side. This is the tool, it’s quick, but it needs to be driven in a certain way.

“There’s not much we can do at the moment. So while we can improve the aerodynamic efficiency, it is a lot more difficult to improve some of the characteristics with a mind to the driving style.”

You might assume that these characteristics will be eliminated next year given the comprehensive change in regulations, but Stella suggests it is possible that it could be a consequence of the methodology used by McLaren.

If it’s a product of the underlying science, then it’s possible the characteristics could carry over. This is why Ricciardo can’t simply ride out the season then start anew in 2022. What’s more, given it has produced a competitive car, it would be wrong to say that McLaren has got things wrong.

All F1 cars have what is called ‘limit behaviour’, particularly when it comes to corner entry. Some aspects will always ‘give up’ first and it’s simply that McLaren is a more extreme example of the tradeoffs present in most cars.

“I find this quite typical,” said Stella when asked if this was something he had encountered before. “Even going back to my days at Ferrari there were various seasons in which the cars were pretty much experiencing similar characteristics.

“It’s always a bit difficult to find the right blend between having the car which is strong in mid-corner and maintains good characteristics in straightline speed. Conversely, if you focus your car on straightline and high-speed, then it comes a bit difficult to maintain good aerodynamics in the middle of a corner

“It’s not McLaren specific. What is McLaren specific is that our car is clearly on one side of this typical split of characteristics that you can achieve.” (X)

[alexwarrcn]

STATS

full name: alexander warren reynolds

gender and pronouns: cis male, he/him

date of birth: may 8th, 1984

place of birth: hermosa beach, california

current location: ithaca, ny

nicknames: alex, xander

age: thirty-seven

sexuality: demi sexual

nationality/ethnicity: american/white

languages spoken: english, spanish, french, japanese, russian.

occupation: criminal justice professor @ cornell, fbi consultant

instruments played: guitar, piano

tattoos: a phoenix on his back, a minimalist tattoo from the song ‘from eden’ by hozier where the word idealism sits in a small prison and it’s located on his left ribcage, the date of his mom’s passing and his sibling’s disappearance on his chest, the phrase ‘when i was drowning, that’s where i could finally breath’ from the song clean by taylor swift on his right forearm.

piercings: none

zodiac sign: taurus ☼ libra ☾ cancer ↑

myer’s briggs type: enfp

enneagram type: two with one wing: “the helper.”

likes: musical theatre, camping, nature, cooking, reading, history, volunteering.

dislikes: talking about his past

hobbies: see: likes

favorite color: green, blue, red.

favorite food: pie

allergies: n/a

right or left-handed?: right-handed.

BULLET POINTS (𝖿𝗎𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝗂𝗈 𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾)

tw: abuse, sustance and death mention

he’s originally from hermosa beach, california and had a HORRIBLE childhood that ended with his younger sibling getting taken away by child services and his mom dying from an od. 

moved to ny after graduating from hs and got into nyu. majored in criminal justice and minored in musical theatre (he has conflicted personalities)

got himself a phd in criminal justice and enlisted in the fbi by age 25

he was a master at what he did, was in the way of becoming one of the brightest special agents, was told in a span of five to ten years, he could be director of the division if he put his mind to it and he liked his work

met andrea rossi and completely fell in love, they got married pretty soon (young and in love) AND GOT DIVORCED LIKE, A YEAR LATER (dumb and scared)

after his divorce, he got into a job-related accident that nearly cost him his life so alex decided he couldn’t be an agent and quit

he moved to ithaca at age 31 where he became a professor at cornell (he teaches criminal justice, ofc), he also works as an fbi advisor and a drama teacher in the local theatre

one of his students from the drama classes one day came to him to tell him about a problem he was having with his dad and he discovered their family life was not so different from his own

a few months later he received a call from his student because police officers were taking his dad away. the case was complicated and due to his history with social services, alex decided to sign up to become the kid and his younger sister’s foster dad.

they moved in with him after months of preparation about a month ago so now he is a foster dad (a new dad with two kids who have gone through a lot so... we’re STRUGGLING)

he has a 4 yo chocolate labradoodle named pollux :)

PERSONALITY

For the most part, Alexander is a very loving and caring person. He genuinely cares about making those around him happy, he is very protective of those he loves, sometimes to a fault. But he always has good intentions, unless you hurt someone he loves, then he can be hell on earth and he has the FBI on his side so really, don’t cross him.

He can get VERY hot-heated, he is a very passionate guy when something really interests him.

He’s basically tired ???? all the time??? he doesn’t sleep that much but he’s getting better at it now that he doesn’t sleep alone) but yeah, big part of his personality, either tired or drinking coffee.

Kind of a mess, he tries to hides it because he has kids that depend on him now and he is like, a respectable professor but, yeah.

Honestly, just a very tired old golden retriever with an awful past he is still trying to deal with.

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 18 - Into The Flood Again

Seattle Washington, March 2 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: It was a grey Pacific North West afternoon, typical weather for Seattle and I had just finished my short little 4 hour shift at the local used record shop - Bluestreak Records - downtown. Instead of taking the bus back home, I decide to walk. Normally Chris will come and pick me up but he said he would be at Kim's rehearsing this afternoon so I just said that I would meet him there once I stop at home first to clean up a little. 

I wish I could just drive instead of having to catch a bus or a cab or have Chris drive me everywhere. Given my condition, it's definitely recommended that I don't. I wouldn't want to be behind the wheel and suddenly have an episode and end up causing an accident or killing someone.

As I walk out on to the sidewalk, slinging my bag over my shoulder, I take out my Walkman with my headphones and blast Metallica's Master Of Puppets album in my ears. Eventually I make it back home and climb the steps to the front door. Once I open the door, I step inside and take off my bag and my head phones, setting them down beside the door, then slip off my leather jacket and hang it up. The living room was dark as no one seemed to have opened the curtains at all since I left earlier this morning and I could hear the faint sound of Van Halen's first record playing from Andy and Xana's room. I walk over to the far window and open up the curtains to let some light in, though the gloominess of the day doesn't really help much. Then as I make my way down the hallway to get myself ready to take a shower, I see the bathroom door slightly open and a bare foot peaking out from the corner of the door.

"Xana?" I call out slightly panicked but trying to keep my cool. 

Nothing.

"Andy? Is that you in there?"

Still no answer.

I quickly move to the door and attempt to care fully open it but I couldn't as they were laying in front of the door.

"Andy!? Andy!!" I shout but no answer. After a few moments of me pushing on the door, I was able to slide myself through the crack and see that in fact it was Andy laying on the floor on his back, his blonde locks matted to his forehead, only in his blue plaid pajama pants and a syringe hanging out of his left forearm right in the crook of where his elbow bends.

"Holy shit, no... no, no, no, no," I keep repeating frantically as I maneuver myself in between him and the bathroom counter, and try my best to lift up his head, tapping his cheeks to get him to wake up. I lean over him and listen to see if I could hear him breathing and I could, but just barely. I take his right wrist and feel around for a pulse and then move my fingers up to his neck since I couldn't feel anything with his wrist. Eventually I do feel a pulse but it's so incredibly faint, it's almost hard to tell.

"Andy... can you hear me? Please, can you hear me?" I start to cry as I tap his cheek again. He still doesn't move but I hear a little groan emerge from his throat. I then carefully pull out the syringe from his arm and maneuver him into my lap, cradling his head as I attempt to get him to come back to me.

"g-g-g-gone" He groans out, barely able to form words as I hold him in my lap.

"What? Andy... no, no, no... stay with me," I cry and he tries to make out a few more words.

"l-l-l-love y-y-y-you," He mumbles as he tries to open his eyes.

"I'm gonna call an ambulance ok?" I say wiping away my tears.

"N-n-n-no," He mumbles again, and slowly starts to come around. He groans a few more times and begins to try to move. He throws his one arm around me and slowly begins to open his eyes to focus on me.

"I-I'm good... s'ok... I'm... ok," He slurs, still sounding so sleepy.

"I'm gonna call Chris and see if he can find Xana ok?" I say with tears still streaming down my cheeks.

"N-n-no... don't do that, j-just stay... stay here with me," He says closing his eyes again. I move my hand to his neck to check his pulse just to make sure and it's stronger than it was before but still slow.

"j-just stay here... with me... stay w-w-with me baby," He slurs and tries to laugh a little, though I definitely do not feel like laughing.

*****

A couple of hours later, I was sitting in the living room sipping some tea, trying to distract myself by reading an article in a magazine about how the music scene in Seattle was starting a revolution. It mentioned Mudhoney, The Melvins  and Green River as pioneers of the whole Seattle sound and with a strong focus on Soundgarden leading the way for major record labels to want to pick up on the scene emerging. It also mentioned Mother Love Bone as the next big thing with the anticipation of the release of their debut album 'Apple' on Mercury/Stardog records.

Andy was eventually able to somewhat re-gain his composure and I helped him into his room for him to sleep of the remaining high he was still enduring. I was still supposed to go and meet Chris but I was afraid to leave Andy here alone in case something happened. Just as I was reading the last sentence of the article, the door opens and I see Chris coming through with his guitar case.

"Hey baby," I say sweetly, setting my cup down on the table in front of me.

"Hi... I uh... I thought you were going to meet me at Kim's?" He says as he sets his guitar case down and slips off his leather jacket.

"I know, I'm sorry... I uh should've called," I say as I flip closed the magazine, setting it beside me and rise from the couch. He hangs up his jacket, flipping those gorgeous dark curls out of his face and turns to see me. He takes me in his arms and places his lips on mine, in a long soulful kiss. He then breaks away from me and touches his forehead to mine.

"Everything alright?" He asks and I could feel my cheeks flush. I knew I had to tell him what happened, I just have to keep myself calm. But as soon as he asked that question, my brow began to furrow and my bottom lip began to quiver.

"Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me," He says attentively. I shake my head a little trying to rid the feeling but it was hard.

"Chris -I... I don't..." I start but I couldn't get the words out.

"Andi no baby, don't slip if you can help it... tell me, tell me what's wrong," He says sternly but not angry, more like frustrated at the fact that I might disappear before him.

"It's... it's Andy, I came home and I found him on the floor in the bathroom -"

"Was he using again?" He asks quickly and I nod.

"Where is he?"

"He's in his room..." I start to feel faint.

"No baby... stay with me... Andi! " He says and that's the last thing I hear before I find myself in the dark bathroom of Chris's basement.

****

CHRIS: "God damn It!"

I didn't mean to yell but fuck. Why did she have to slip right now? Of all fucking times, why right now? I'm not mad at her I'm just so... it's just frustrating.

I pick up her clothes from the floor and set them on the couch, then make my way down the hall to see exactly what was going on. As I walk into the bathroom, I don't see any sort of evidence that anything had taken place until I see the syringe with a few dirty cotton balls in the trash.

A wave of sadness and hurt washed over my entire body at the fact that she was the one to find him in the bathroom. I immediately make my way out of the bathroom and back down the hall to Andy and Xana's room knocking loudly on the door.

"Hey man, you in there?" I call but no answer. After a few minutes I just decide to head in myself. Normally I wouldn't be so determined but when it comes down to the fucking love of my life, the reason I breathe, finding him on the floor fucked up like that, it's a whole other ball game.

"Dude, you awake...? Andy...?" I ask my voice deep with assertiveness as I grab his ankle at the end of the bed and gently try to shake him awake. He lets out a grumble from the pillow but I couldn't make out just what he was saying.

"Andy wake up," I repeat.

"Whhaaa?" He groans as he rolls over and sees me standing beside his bed. He blinks his eyes a few times and sits up slowly, running his fingers through his hair, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"You alright man?" I ask. I figure I should start with that at least.

"Uh... yea, I think so," He says groggily with his eyes closed.

"What the fuck man? What the fuck are you doing?" I ask trying to not be angry because I know as well as anyone that never works.

"I don't know man," He says.

"Andrea found you, you know that? Just what the hell man?" I say as my anger recedes and I feel worry and hurt bubbling to the surface.

"I never meant for her to find me," He says quietly, his eyes still closed.

"Fuck, you're lucky she did. I mean... what if she never came home from work?  What if she just decided to head to Kim's to meet me without coming home first? What then?"

"Chris man, I'm sorry,"

I let out a sigh and flip my curls out of my eyes looking away for a moment while Andy looks up at me, looking like hell.

"I don't want you to be sorry... I just... I'm worried. We're all worried. We just want you to stop. You quit once before remember?"

"Yea," He says quietly.

"If you need help dude, I'm here. I'll always have your back man," I say and he gives me small smile and holds out his hand. I take it and give him a brotherly handshake patting him on his shoulder.

"Thanks," He says quietly and suddenly I hear a cry from the living room. We look at each other for a moment, then I quickly run out of his room and down the hall to the living room to see Andi sitting up on the couch, pulling down her Aerosmith T shirt and flipping her curls out from underneath.

"Babe?" I ask.

"Uh huh," She says calmly smirking as she reaches for jeans.

"What happened? When did you slip to?" I ask, a little concerned as to why she's so incredibly calm and seemingly much happier than before.

"Um, July '84," She says and pulls up her jeans, hopping into them as her curls bounce around her.

"July '84... oh... oohhhh," I say realizing with sudden lustfulness that seemed to come out of nowhere. She glances at me, sauntering over, biting her bottom lip as my memory of that night comes back to me. She lifts herself up and presses those soft plush lips to mine, lacing her fingers through my hair like she always does, which sends chills all over my entire body.

"You were amazing then, but you are incredible now," She whispers in my ear. She slowly pulls away from me and passes me to walk down the hall and as my eyes follow her, she looks back at me biting that bottom lip again and I couldn't help but practically chase her into the bedroom to relive that night over again.

*****************************************************************************************************

[doomedandstoned]

Maestus Break The Day with Astonishing New EP

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

By Billy Goate

Photograph by SP

I liken Eugene, Oregon to a Hobbit's village with people tucked away here and there amidst forested hills and concrete pathways living their lives much the same as in other places, only the residents of this world are disproportionately musical in nature. It means that every so often novel projects will spontaneously burst to life, some eclectic and brilliant (see: Psyrup), others ferociously inspired (see: Yob), all of them intricately tied to the sights, sounds, and workings of Mother Nature.

This "Great City for the Arts and Outdoors" (as our hometown slogan goes) has led to some fascinating collaborations over the years, albeit many of them short lived. The ones that remain and persist, have the potential to blossom into something really special that can spread its seed to the entire world.

From my first encounter with them in the upper room of a local tattoo parlour on a spring night in 2015, MAESTUS struck me as a band to keep an eye on. Growing at their own pace and blooming in due season, this powerful and atmospheric death-doom outfit is on the move yet again.

We last crossed paths in January of 2019, when Doomed & Stoned debuted the music video for their second album Deliquesce. It has always struck me, then as now, how Maestus want the music to stand preeminently above all else, only hinting at personal recognition by lending us their initials paired with their respective instruments.

Maestus is:

SP: vocals, guitars SB: keyboards CL: drums NK: guitars KRP: bass, vocals

While this once bugged me as a music journalist and neurotic completionist wanting all the usual details, it doesn't any longer. Though I'm familiar with several of the musicians from bumping into them here and there at the various musical watering holes about town, I can say that Maestus lingers in my mind as an entirely distinct entity. This is because their music has a tendency to proverbially take on a life of its very own.

When you listen to the latest EP, 'Daybreak's Advent' (2020), for example, you're bearing witness to creation, not simply of a musical composition but of an entire reality built upon the foundation of sound. Starting with "Adamacy Feined," Maestus work methodically, to borrow an old Biblical stanza: "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little." With each well-appointed note, Maestus unfurls the cosmos in intricate strands of sound.

True to their name, the world that Maestus reveals to us is touched by melancholy. Melancholy is not a singularly dark concept, either. It can be (and sometimes is) quite beautiful and its mysteries will be experienced differently when met by different ears. To my perception, the opening minutes of Daybreak's Advent perfectly conjure a crisp November's dawn with a landscape filled with trees of deep red and gold dancing in the early morning breeze, the green grass (yes, it stays green in Oregon all year 'round, folks!) still damp with the morning dew. The winds of drama stir the leaves about and, as the sun further makes its presence known, a certain worshipful awe overtakes the mood, scored by majestic voices layered together for warmth.

"My Hope, the Destroyer," turns the page on this two-track epic by introducing us to stern sound of strings (that's Andrea Morgan of Exulansis making a guest appearance), which preludes an eruption of growling vocals, stout guitars, and a hearty, tribalesque drumbeat. In my mind's eye, I see a flurry of activity in the air about me and suddenly become aware of a symphony of clackety insects scrambling beneath my feet, as well. The song's title intrigues me, as the music is full of exuberance and makes me wonder if it is meant to embody hope.

I've seen references to the destruction of hope in poems and literature, but here it seems hope is the great Destroyer itself. Perhaps that's why dad would always tell me as a boy, "Don't get your hopes up," wanting to spare me the pain of delayed (or ruined) expectations. We're told to keep hope alive as we grow older, but at what point does hope itself become a problem? Maybe it's not hope that is at issue, so much as it is my hope as the song title seems to imply. Something to ponder, perhaps, as you listen. Or better yet, enter Maestus' world with no expectations at all and a fresh perspective.

The band had this to share with us about the new record:

"Daybreak's Advent was recorded during December 2019 in our hometown of Eugene, Oregon with SP at the helm. The original track 'Adamancy Feigned' was drafted many years ago by NK, who later collaborated with SP, SB, and CL on string arrangements and composition. The EP is graced by the heartbreaking violin & viola work of Andrea Morgan, whose approach to the tracks helped to shape the cassette's atmosphere. Lyrics were co-written by KRP & SP.

"The release represents our synthesis of funerary melody and tectonic death-doom. But we'll never disregard our origins. Our inclusion of 'My Hope, the Destroyer' is a tribute to My Dying Bride, one of the world's greatest doom bands. This also marks our first (released) cover song."

Daybreak's Advent was recorded and mixed by SP at Sprout City Studios in Eugene and mastered by Markus Stock (Empyrium) at Klangschmiede Studio E, in Mellrichstadt, Germany. It officially releases on Friday, November 13th via Glossolalia Records (pre-order here). Now, it is time for your own day to break, as Doomed & Stoned brings you the new EP by Maestus in all its fullness.

Give ear...

Daybreak's Advent by Maestus

Lyrics

The advent of daybreak Poisons lips with a bitter wind The cowering night Bereft of light

Fractures in the ice Proclaim alluring calls Fractured in the ice Uphold alluring calls

Malady woven into ropes Measureless thunder Rends expanses starless Come, rescuing death Come, rescuing death

Fractured in ice In retreat from pain In dimming light In retreat from pain

Follow The Band

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[nuclearblastuk]

AVATARIUM | Marcus on how the cello and Curtis Knight influenced his playing

MARCUS DISCUSSES HOW THE CELLO AND CURTIS KNIGHT INFLUENCED HIS GUITAR PLAYING  AND STYLE THE FIRE I LONG FOR NOW IS IN STORES NOW

 Swedish doom metallers AVATARIUM released their highly-praised new dark gospel The Fire I Long For last week via Nuclear Blast. Today the band has launched a new album trailer, in which guitarist Marcus Jidell explains how leanring the cello and playing with the legendary Curtis Knight helped to form his style. Find out more here: youtu.be/exOlkgf7wHo            The Fire I Long For is available to order here: nblast.de/Avatarium-TheFire      ★ Limited digipack      ★ Black Vinyl      ★ White Vinyl (NB mailorder and wholesale exclusive)      ★ Gold Vinyl (NB mailorder exclusive)      ★ Digital Download | Stream            Watch the official lyric video for 'Lay Me Down', which features guest appearances by Leif Sundin (backin vocals) and Michael Blair (percussion): youtu.be/wMXrWN4D8P4       Founded in 2012 byLeif Edling of CANDLEMASS, AVATARIUM soon saw the arrival of Marcus Jidell (producer CANDLEMASS) and Jennie-Ann Smith who brought an air of charisma with her soulful grace. The band has become an entity of its own and while Leif still contributed three songs for the new album, the band’s current line-up consists of Marcus and Jennie-Ann, who are accompanied on this record by organist Rickard Nilsson and new drummer Andreas ‘Habo’ Johansson (THE DOOMSDAY KINGDOM). Together, this      open-minded, yet doom-laden collective draws elements of folk, jazz and psychedelic brilliance into a grandiose amalgamation that manages to      maintain an almost pop-like elegance. Recorded at Studio DeepWell in      Stockholm, the album was produced by Marcus Jidell, mixed by Grammy Award winner Niklas Flyckt and mastered by Svante Forsback (Rammstein).        Watch and listen to 'Rubicon': youtu.be/npPd5f0GZQo Stream or download the new single via this link: nblast.de/Avatarium-Rubicon Acoustic performance video for 'Lay Me Down': youtu.be/8HBmtpIedAw 'Voices' visualizer: youtu.be/RZEB2jGLxdI        The Fire I Long For includes nine new tracks featuring Marcus Jidell's      soaring guitar solos and Jennie-Ann Smith's powerful vocals:            01. Voices      02. Rubicon      03. Lay Me Down      04. Porcelain Skull      05. Shake That Demon      06. Great Beyond      07. The Fire I Long For      08. Epitaph Of Heroes      09. Stars They Move

     ICYMI:  Watch as Marcus Jidell shows off his 100 year old acoustic guitar that he was gifted by his grandmother, and has lovingly restored, as he performs the main parts of the album's first single, 'Rubicon': youtu.be/mpQluuO1P0w Marcus Jidell talks about this 100 year old acoustic guitar, which he used on the new album: youtu.be/OuUafJfXZDE          AVATARIUM are:     Jennie-Ann Smith      | Vocals      Marcus Jidell      | Guitar      Andreas ‘Habo’      Johansson | Drums      Rickard Nilsson      | Organ      Mats Rydström |      Live Bass             avatariumofficial.com        facebook.com/avatariumofficial              nuclearblast.de/avatarium         

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

AVATARIUM To Release 'The Fire I Long For' Album In November

On November 22, doom metal wizards AVATARIUM return with their dark gospel to open another chapter of their hauntingly beautiful otherworld. Only two years after taking the fans by storm with "Hurricanes And Halos", which has been named "album of the month" by magazines worldwide, the Swedes announce the completion of their fourth full-length release. "The Fire I Long For" sees them return to their epic doom roots whilst paying their respects to rock legends like RAINBOW, LED ZEPPELIN and THE DOORS.

Founded in 2012 by Leif Edling of CANDLEMASS, AVATARIUM soon saw the arrival of Marcus Jidell (producer of CANDLEMASS) and Jennie-Ann Smith who brought an air of charisma with her soulful grace. By now, the band has become an entity of its own, and while Leif still contributed three songs for the new album, the band's current nucleus consists of Marcus and Jennie-Ann, who are accompanied on this record by organist Rickard Nilssonand new drummer Andreas "Habo" Johansson (THE DOOMSDAY KINGDOM). Together, this open-minded-yet-doom-laden collective draws elements of folk, jazz and psychedelic brilliance into a grandiose amalgamation that manages to maintain an almost pop-like elegance.

Recorded at Studio DeepWell in Stockholm, the album was produced by Marcus Jidell, mixed by Grammy Award winner Niklas Flyckt and mastered by Svante Forsbäck (RAMMSTEIN).

Today, the band unveils the first single off their new album, titled "Rubicon" with a new music video. Check it out below.

Smith comments on the track: "A point of no return, a line drawn in the sand, it's a dark gospel..."

"The Fire I Long For" will include nine mezmerising new tracks featuring Jidell's soaring guitar solos and Smith's powerful soul voice.

Track listing:

01. Voices 02. Rubicon 03. Lay Me Down 04. Porcelain Skull 05. Shake That Demon 06. Great Beyond 07. The Fire I Long For 08. Epitaph Of Heroes 09. Stars They Move

AVATARIUM is:

Jennie-Ann Smith - Vocals Marcus Jidell - Guitar Andreas "Habo" Johansson - Drums Rickard Nilsson - Organ Mats Rydström - Live Bass

[thesunlounge]

Reviews 298: Afrodesia

It began with a phone call between then Best Record label manager Marco Salvatori and Dario di Pace, a producer well known for his esoteric grooves as Mystic Jungle and his work with Raffaele ‘Whodamanny’ Arcella and Enrico ��Milord’ Fierro in freakadelic collective The Mystic Jungle Tribe (as well as their record labels Periodica and Futuribile). The two were discussing a brief yet magical period in the 80s referred to as the “Afro-Italian movement,” one specifically centered on Les Folies Studio in Milan and artists/producers such as Daniela Paratici, Ennio Ronchelli, Daniele Losi, and Roberto Barocelli, which saw forward thinking combinations of analog synthesis, vocal exotica, machine drumming, hand percussion, and live instrumentation used to craft expansive adventures in paradise disco and fantasy jazz fusion (prime examples of which are Roberto Lodola’s Marimba Do Mar, released by Best Record earlier this year, Helen’s Zanzibar and Tunis Tunis, and Losi’s Tom Tom Beat). Yearning for the timeless groovescapes of these productions...especially Lodola’s far out “Afro” mixes...and seeking to bring the same exploratory spirit into modern times, Salvatori, Mystic Jungle, and Whodamanny decided to join forces for a project called Afrodesia: an ambitious undertaking marrying the interstellar groove and future funk mastery of Mystic Jungle’s and Whodamanny’s synths and drum machines with a cast of live musicians featuring Giulio Neri, Andrea Farias, Davide “Duba” Di Sauro and the late Italo-Nigerian percussion master George Aghedo, who appeared on many of the original recordings from which this project takes its inspiration.

Simply titled Episode One, the Afrodesia 12” marks an exciting new chapter for Best Record Italy, as it is the first release of original material from the label since the early 90s. After having closed shop during that time due to poor sales, Claudio Casalini’s influential label reformed in 2014, with Salvatori joining the operation and helping it ascend towards the upper echelons of Italo reissue quality. And now, having rescued an almost unbelievable number of obscure or rare dancefloor treasures, at least a few of which have become all time favorites, change is in the air, for Salvatori is embarking on his own new venture called Spaziale Recordings, while Casalini will continue leading Best Record as always. As well, the Afrodesia 12” sees Periodica and West Hill Studio main men Mystic Jungle and Whodamanny further refining their already sorcerous production skills, this time augmenting their Casio, Yamaha, and Roland synths and old skool rhythm boxes with saxophones, guitars, and perhaps most arrestingly, dreamy Afro atmospherics and heavenly voice harmonies from Arcella and Neri. But if you’ve been following the West Hill crew as closely as I have, these forays into worlds of African and Italian pop romance are hardly as surprising as they seem, for both Whodamanny and Mystic Jungle have been increasingly experimenting with vocal and pop textures to great effect, whether through Marcelo Antonio’s JKRNDA 7” on Futuribile Record Club, the vocoder sexualities of Mechanismo, di Pace’s co-production on Modula’s deep soul groover “Argonauta (I’ve Been So Lonely)," or Arcella’s journeys into vocal sensuality and synth-pop ecstasy on The Dance Sucker.

Afrodesia - Episode One (Best Record Italy, 2019) Helen’s “Zanzibar” is referenced directly by Afrodesia’s “Deep Down in Zanzibar,” which re-purposes lyrics and licks from that classic into a joyous new form. Snake tails introduce a low down disco beat, with cowbells ringing, güiros scraping, and timbale fills crashing through the stereo field. Hats and snare hold down the groove while cymbals generate waves of static and as the kick drum cuts away, claps delay into the void. All of a sudden, a greased up funk riff enters, with Duba’s bass guitar slithering around the fretboard, all fat-bottomed warmth walking through a tropical paradise. Quacking wah guitars percolate in as the kick drum returns to guide us through Afro-Italo dream worlds, with wiggling synth leads crawling across the sky and e-pianos generating balearic atmospheres. At some point, synths tuned like 60s psych organs scream while guitars work between hypnagogic riffscapes and bluesy acid solos and if that weren’t already perfect enough, Neri and Arcella descend upon the mix with their joyous croons…the vibe whispered and sensual…fragile and warm…with a voice in each ear singing softly and trailed by synthetic pianos and saxophones that skip across sunbeams. Sometimes the vocals fade away, leaving space for wailing saxophonics and clattering percussion cascades that seem to fill up the spectrum. Elsewhere, we move into a freaky funky riff jams before devolving into pure rhythm, with minimal and mechanized beats spreading further out as claps echo and laser blast oscillations morph into galactic fluids. And from here, Whodamanny and Mystic Jungle continue leading their session players through a coastal landscapes of African fantasy…a world of bass guitar sexualisms, joyous vocalisms, balmy synthesis, fusion guitar freak outs, and screaming tenor refrains.

In “Desert Storm,” reverberating hand drums pop amidst rising waves of noise while synthesizer squiggles swim through blasts of granular static. A simple snare beat enters as one of the best basslines all year drops, recorded so hot and up-front that you can practically see the dust snapping off the strings. Double-time hi-hats tick irresistibly as everything builds in anticipation, with the kick drum finally dropping while blasted funk riffs converse ear-to-ear, space age synthesizers weave neon threads, and wah guitars hammer on and scrape. Sometimes the melodic elements fall out and we’re led through rhythmic bridges, wherein the liquid funk basslines of Duba are replaced by that more familiar West Hill synth-bass squelch and screaming voices from the cosmic void descend from a stormy sky. Interstellar noise bursts careen across the mix and chaotic chordscapes bleat over the reverb-soaked disco drum tropicalisms, all while mutant basslines stoke alien dancefloor magic. As we drop back into the live instrumentation, with shakers rattling and bass guitar and six-string working through ultra-tight jam patterns, the terrifying screams still disperse through the stereo field while horror-tinged synthesizers move through gothic themes and rainbow colorations. For most of the rest of the track, we switch off between these two moods: a squelching synth bass groove out awash in Mystic Jungle-style sci-fi boogie sorcery and a stoner groove paradise led by sunshine guitars and funk bass fluidity. During one of the live instrumentation passages, a druggy synth solo drifts into focus, all zoner cosmic magic hovering like an LSD haze…minimal, spacious, and absurdly confident in its wafting, almost apathetic flow. And capping off the track is a baked coda of machine disco rhythmics and fluid funk guitar psychedelics.

The title of “Meet in Tunis” is perhaps another nod to Helen, though the music here seems less referential than in “Deep Down in Zanzibar.” Emotive riffscapes flow over uptempo snare and hat patterns while hand drums and further palm-muted guitar textures billow in from nothingness. The beat sees kicks stomping, snares breaking and gliding, tom fills sucking air out of the skull, and cymbal taps and bell tones ringing all throughout the background...the vibe mysterious and awash in dark disco intensity, though eventually tempered by romantic feedback melodies…as if Arcella’s Casios are mimicking Alessandroni western whistles while synthetic pianos float through golden cloudscapes. The guitars sparkle like Chic and Neri’s sax sounds hollowed out and spectral as it presages the upcoming vocal fantasias and indeed, he and Arcella work through earworm repetitions of “Tunis” before ascending into rapid fires soul verses that overflow with 70’s disco pop perfection…pushing almost towards all out Bee Gees ecstasy, except devoid of overt leads and flowing instead like a closed eye daydream. It’s so ebullient and transportive, with my imagination drifting to a Tunisian beach paradise…some sort of exotic seaside fantasy overflowing with forbidden romance. There are moments where the vocals cut out as we flash into zany percussive storms, with rave whistles flying over psychosonic rhythm cascades. All the while, Duba’s bass continues slipping, sliding, and growling through timeless funk riffs, with shakers pushing the groove euphoria to a maximum. And after another passage of wild percussive ritualism, with snares, bongos, and crashing toms sitting beneath quacking riffs and whistles, we flow through saxophone sensuality into a final “Tunis” vocal refrain, which repeats hypnotically as everything else fades to silence.

Closer “Orion Beat” comes to life on blasting kicks and rocketing claps before before settling into a slamming electro beat. Burning siren waves arc across the mix, bringing that kind of freaky atonal synth psychedelia that could only come from Mystic Jungle Tribesmen. Growling synth bass lines are smothered in cavernous verb as palm-muted guitars flutter overhead and the drums are so hot and heavy, with cymbals spitting fire and snares and claps cracking through the air. There are moments where the burning synth waves usher in passages of interstellar jam perfection, with guitars holding it down while panoramas of phase-distortion and frequency modulation synthesis generates dial-tone scats and telephone tracers while bleeps and bloops are repurposed into fusion fire. Elsewhere, we move into sections of slinky stoner bass guitar riffing while harmonious pads swim through the sky, their hovering chords of heavenly majesty surrounding an electro-funk zoner jam. Then following a bridge that leans towards progressive rock, the mix reduces to just kick drums and claps before dropping into an amazing passage of Afro-tribal intensity…the vibe like entering an otherworldly jungle, wherein crazed hand drum tapestries flow through deep space reverb tunnels. The groove stutters and stomps before smoothly gliding back into electro breakdance magic…like cruising the cosmos on the tail of a comet with starshine gas trails flowing all around the spirit. And after further burning wavefronts of dissonant synthesis subsume the mind, the Afrodesia crew work themselves into dueling harmony magnificence, with synths and e-pianos descending together in pure retro-funk majesty and bass guitar ripping through romantic soul motions…brief yet so perfect as the heart is carried way to paradise realms far beyond the stars.

(images from my personal copy)

[roswelldetails]

Episode 102: So Much for the Afterglow - Details

Episode Summary The anniversary of Rosa's death reignites tensions as the town takes aim at Liz and her father, Auturo, for what happened on that fateful day 10 years ago. Meanwhile, Max confronts Michael and Isobel, who are concerned that his feelings for Liz will expose their secret. Elsewhere, Master Sergeant Manes' attempt to convince Kyle of the alien conspiracy in Roswell takes an unexpected turn. Finally, Liz and Kyle make a shocking revelation about Rosa's death.

Details - this is not an exhaustive list of every single detail, just just a few that might be important now or later.

Liz in the graveyard: The dates on Rosa’s grave don’t match the dates in the diner, but either way, she was 19 when she died.

There is a weird sound effect when the light from Max’s flashlight first hits Rosa’s grave. Could it mean something, or were the sound people just having fun?

Hector Valenti’s body was burnt and there was a handprint on his arm. Manes says it was an “incident of aggression.”

Kyle tells Manes that his patient is alive - if Liz saw Kyle off the record, Manes will not be able to find her in the patient records. If she’s in the hospital records as having seen Kyle right before - Liz will be in trouble soon because it won’t be hard for Manes to put it together.

At the station Max tells Cam, “A long time ago, I let down Liz Ortecho, okay? I just want to do right by her.” - Whatever happened in the past, Max feels guilty about it.

When Michael and Isobel break into the diner, Michael clearly demonstrates his power of telekinesis. At the cave in episode 101, Max told Liz that they each had specialities, so Liz probably assumes that telekinesis is Michael’s specialty.

Liz left behind a finance in Denver. She says they broke up, he says (on facebook) that she bolted. Also, Isobel stalks Liz on facebook. lol

At the diner, Isobel reacts more to Max punching Michael than she did to Micheal tossing Max across the room in the jail. Apparently, hurting Micheal is out of character for Max.

Later in the diner when Arturo is telling Liz she needs to forgive her sister he says, “Try. Por favor, mjia.” but the captions say, “Try. Por favor, amiga.” Which is hilarious and so so wrong. (“mija” is what people call their daughters, “amiga” means friend.) 

The conversation at the ranch between Micheal and Alex tells us that Fosters is the third dairy ranch the government has shut down. Alex says it’s because they’re building a new facility.

The memories of Rosa that Max shows Liz:

Liz dancing with her friends at the diner while Rosa plays guitar

Rosa painting “ALL” on the diner wall and the two girls laughing about it.

The girls colliding at the diner and spilling milkshakes everywhere, then laughing about it together.

Max tries to stop it then - but when Liz insists, he also shows her the night Rosa died. She was pushing him away and yelling at him, with “A fraudulent zodiac” written on her hand.

At the bar, Isobel tells Michael, “Something is wrong with him, Michael. And when that happened the last time, you were the only one he would open up to.” - talking about Max

Also at the bar, when Isobel is still trying to convince Michael to talk to Max she says, “Come on. This is the perfect opportunity for you guys to get over all the ugly history of the last decade and be friends again.” 

Michael answers her that they were never meant to be friends, and tells her that they aren’t even really family - the Evans choosing them and leaving Michael behind decided that. Isobel says, “Max has spent his entire life trying to make up for that one awful moment. It wasn’t his fault. We were seven.”

Isobel seems surprised to find out that Michael used to go out to the ranch as a kid to wait for someone from outer space to come get him.

At the bar when Maria talks with Alex about Michael, it’s clear she never knew about the two of them. (And still doesn’t.)

Max accidentally tells Cam that someone was shot at the diner before he corrects it to “almost.” He’s having a hard time getting over what happened.

According to Maria, the night Rosa died “She left the diner, then she came here. She was singing that song. She wrote that lyric on her hand right in front of me.” 

Since Max has a memory of being confronted by Rosa with the lyric on her hand, we know that after the bar, Rosa went back to the diner and saw Max.

The fake autopsy lists Rosa’s day and time of death as 6/7/2008 at 10:13pm. It says she had head trauma - contusion on head. Bruises on both upper arms and abdomen. Second degree burns on 80% of body. She had high quantities of barbiturates and benzodiazepines in her bloodstream. Sheriff Jim Valenti signed off on it. Medical examiner was Andrea(?) Cantrell. 

The real autopsy is mostly blocked by the photos, but it does mention burns, and something about injuries to her head and arms.

Liz says Rosa was a drug addict who drove her car into a tree.

Before Wyatt is tased by Isobel, he sees Max fly off of him. Unclear if he noticed whatever Max was doing to his chest, or if it left a mark.

At the Wild Pony, Maria’s conversation with Alex demonstrates that she knows he’s gay, but doesn’t know he’s ever been interested in Michael. But she does know about a time during their senior year when a “mystery guy” kissed Alex at the museum. Alex told Maria that he’d “stay in Roswell forever if only he kept kissing me.”

Arturo says that Max came back to patch him up after the confrontation with Wyatt.

Arturo also tells Liz that “he comes in a lot, orders coffee, never drinks it, but he tips well.” and “He asks about you.”

At the turquoise mine Max tells Liz that the last time he saw Rosa was “That day when I asked you to drive out to the desert with me for the bio project.” - we know that is a lie, and so does Liz at this point.

As Michael is packing up his trailer he sees some old photos:

One is of the trio when they were in high school.

One is of Michael and Alex. Alex is playing a guitar and Michael stands next to him, a guitar in his hands. Right after looking at this photo, Michael looks down at his left hand. His last three fingers are covered in some sort of scar. It looks like his last two fingers might have been badly broken and poorly healed at some point. This is the hand he would use to hold down the strings on the frets while playing guitar - from the look of his pinky, it's doubtful he could play guitar anymore.

There’s another photo that looks like Michael putting up two fingers to make bunny ears behind Isobel’s head.

Another photo - only the legs can be seen. It’s three people: the first in jeans, looks to be holding a guitar, the middle in fatigues, and the last in black pants and holding a guitar.

While Cam and Max make out, we see that Max has that celestial symbol thing as a tattoo on his shoulder. (Real subtle, Max. Real subtle.) :)

[fandom-glazed]

music asks!

FAVORITES 1. what are your favorite bands? Lord Of The Lost, Porcupine Tree, Nightmare, Frost*, newer: Scarlet Dorn 2. what are your favorite singers? Lady Gaga, Steven Wilson, Zia, Lorde, newer: Down To Eden 3. what are your favorite albums? Thornstar by Lord Of The Lost, In Absentia by Porcupine Tree, To The Bone and Transience by Steven Wilson 4. what are your favorite songs? Six Feet Underground by Lord Of The Lost, Trains by Porcupine Tree, What I’ve Done, In The End and Numb by Linkin Park, My Demons and Ricochet by Starset, From The Flame by Leprous, Lovesongs (They Kill Me) by Cinema Bizarre, Would It Matter by Skillet, Hyperventilate, Experiments in Mass Appeal and Snowman by Frost* 5. what do you think the best popular song of the year is so far? I honestly don’t know. 6. which genres of music do you tend to like the best? Prog, Metal and any heavy stuff (not including “brutal” Death Metal - on a daily basis), Indie, Alternative, Soundtracks 7. what is the best concert you’ve ever been to? Either the Steven Wilson To The Bone Tour concert(s) in Hamburg 2018, or the Lord Of The Lost MEGA tour concert in Munich 2016 8. song of the year? My personal songs of the year (not released in 2019) at the moment: Kiss Me by Rob Vischer, While This Way by Árstíðir .2: 2019 still has to deliver! 9. album of the year? See 8.2 10. what are the best songs your parents have gotten you into? Anything by Keane, Evanescence, Depeche Mode,... 11. how did you first find out about your favorite band/singer? My own, like, nothing I inherited from my parents, favorite band was probably Cinema Bizarre and I found them through their first single being played 24/7 on Viva. 12. when/where do you first remember having heard your favorite song? I don’t remember anymore, sadly. I first heard Trains on a train station. 13. about how many times have you listened to your favorite song? I have absolutely no idea, any number I’d name would be too low. 14. if someone asks you what music they should check out, what are your go-to recommendations? I always assume my taste in music is nothing most people would care to listen to, but I’d say everyone should check out Steven Wilson(’s projects) at least once. And I’d promote my favourites in Lord Of The Lost till I die.

NOSTALGIA 15. what songs give you the most nostalgia? Anything by Evanescence, Keane, 80s music in general, The Corrs, Kylie Minogue, HIM... 16. what kinds of music were you raised on? Mostly 80s stuff, some rock, much pop, my mother brought some jazz as well, unfortunately. 17. what are your favorite songs that have ever been popular? See 15., probably :D I love almost every song by Gaga, I’d say she’s definitely popular! 18. who were your favorite musicians as a kid? I adopted my parent’s favorites, mostly The Corrs, specifically their drummer Caroline. Eisblume. Cinema Bizarre. Though that was already in my teens. 19. how did you feel about music as a kid? Music is and has always been my love and a great hobby. 20. what was your first concert? if you haven’t been to one, what do you want your first concert to be? I was six years old and I remember my dad telling me to say I’m seven so the security would let us in. It was The Corrs and I think it was either in the Hanns-Martin-Schleyer-Halle in Stuttgart, or in the Olympiahalle Munich. We went to several concerts in that year. (So that’s where I got that from!)

PERFORMANCE 21. how do live performances, whether they’re from your friends or professionals, tend to make you feel? Like in another dimension. 22. singing in the shower or singing in the car? I don’t drive, so, rather in the shower. But mostly at my desktop, extremely loudly. 23. if you were to become a musician, what kind of musician would you be? I am a pianist/multi-instrumentalist, but I think I’d never want to be a professional. 24. if you could pick one instrument to learn how to play, what would it be? If improving on the piano doesn’t count, like, learn something completely new, I’d say, maybe the harp, the cello (though I tried it some years ago). 25. what is your singing voice like? what singers do you remind yourself of? I don’t have a super special singing voice (I’m told otherwise), but I hit all the notes thanks to my trained hearing. I don’t really remind myself of someone particular, but I can make my voice sound like different singers like Scarlet Dorn, Lorde or the singer of a band, I just discovered, Trees Of Eternity. 26. have you ever been involved in any music programs? which ones and for how long? I have been member of my music school’s programme/ensemble. 27. which instruments do you know how to play? what’s your skill level? I’ve been playing the piano for 13 years, if I’d kept up the hard work I put in it until 2016, I’d be rather high-skilled, I started to play the guitar some years ago, but I was never really sufficiently active. I also began playing drums and even cello, but due to price and neighbours I couldn’t continue. I am an autodidact singer and I can play the bodhran. 28. if you took music lessons as a kid, are you glad you did? if not, do you wish you had? I am glad I took piano lessons, but I wish I had started taking guitar lessons sooner. I’d be much better by now and I also adored my teacher as a person. He kinda reminds me of my actual mentor now.

SOUNDTRACKS 29. how do you feel about video game soundtracks? I love video game soundtracks. 30. what soundtracks do you enjoy listening to the most? It changes from time to time, but at the moment I love the Mass Effect: Andromeda soundtrack and also the Dragon Age soundtracks, as well as most of the Marvel movies’, Ghibli movies’ and Game Of Thrones’. 31. which soundtracks do you think are objectively the best (or what are some that you think deserve appreciation)? I’d say check out Trevor Morris, Joe Hisaishi and Ramin Djawadi and you’re on the right scent. 32. how do you feel about musicals? I absolutely love musicals and used to visit some as often as I could with my aunt. 33. do you have any favorite composers, including classical ones? See 31, as for classical ones, I love Rachmaninov, Bach and Chopin. 34. are there any soundtracks or kinds of soundtracks that you just can’t stand? Can’t think of any at the moment. 35. what are your favorite songs/soundtracks from movies? I stared to obsess with Under Stars by AURORA from the ME: Andromeda credits, I love the Misty Mountains, The Marvel Avengers theme and the Harry Potter soundtrack, actually I can’t possibly remember everything to write it down.

LYRICS 36. what are some songs whose lyrics you relate to? Ou, that’s a personal one. There are many. But to name a few: Would It Matter by Skillet, Covered In Gold and Walls Of Utopia by Oh Fyo!, Don’t Hate Me and Prodigal by Porcupine Tree, Pariah and Hand Cannot Erase by Steven Wilson, No Me No You by Frost*, almost everything by Scarlet Dorn as well as Black Halo and most of all Cut Me Out by Lord Of The Lost 37. pick a song and analyse its lyrics. Can’t do, shouldn’t do, probably. 38. which songs do you think have the best lyrics? There’s just SO many. 39. what are some songs whose lyrics you think most people just don’t get? Six Feet Underground by Lord Of The Lost, not your typical love songTM, Harmony Korine by Steven Wilson, also so much by Steven Wilson. 40. are there any musicians whose lyrics you particularly tend to like? Steven Wilson. Next! :D 41. do you prefer songs that have good melodies or songs that have good lyrics? Good melodies, generally. But once I got hooked on by the sound I live for good lyrics.

CHALLENGES 42. name five songs you like that were released in the 90s. Join Me In Death by HIM, Walking In My Shoes by Depeche Mode, Rosier by Luna Sea, Viva Forever by Spice Girls, Enter Sandman by Metallica 43. name five songs you like that were released at least 50 years ago. I could name you some classical compositions... 44. write a parody of at least a verse of any song you’d like. Reign, reign on me, reign on me, reign on me. Reign, wash away, triangles and tears, blur all your plot and reign on me. 45. name 5 songs you can’t stand. Despacito, Despacito, Despacito,... 46. look at your country’s song charts, listen to the first unfamiliar song you can find, and share your opinion on it. I didn’t know and didn’t like any of the first eight I looked at. That’s how much I love chart music! 47. turn a song lyric into a pickup line. Until the end of night... (listen to Blood For Blood by Lord Of The Lost. I won’t explain any further.) 48. name the last 5 songs you listened to. While This Way by Árstíðir, Loreley by Lord Of The Lost, Ten Feet High by Andrea Corr, a song I mixed and mastered, Sinking Ships by Trees Of Eternity

RANDOM 49. what are your favorite album covers? In Absentia by Porcupine Tree, Thornstar by Lord Of The Lost, Hand Cannot Erase by Steven Wilson, Resist by Within Temptation, Milliontown by Frost* ... 50. any cover versions that you think are better than the original? I mostly like the cover version and the original. 51. how often do you listen to music? 24/7 52. do you collect vinyls? if so, what have been your best finds? I do have some by Lord Of The Lost and Steven Wilson. 53. if you could meet any musician you’d like, who would it be? Steven Wilson. By faaaar. 54. how do you feel about classical music? I love classical music. 55. would you ever want to have a career in music? I am, in fact, an aspiring audio engineer. 56. if you had a stage name, what would it be? My stage name for audio productions and art is nadzumi. 57. on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is music to you? 11. 58. how do you feel about rap music? Don’t like it. Only a few songs. I like Eminem. And I found the influence in Linkin Park very interesting. But I’d rather stay away. 59. what do you think the best “era” for music was? I’d say the 80s, some of the 90s and now, because there’s such a diversity, everyone will find something they can love. 60. how has music affected you as a person? I’d say I am music. (Music has affected everything.) Feel free to ask away any number if you want me to answer it in more detail!

[nwdsc]

(▶︎ Imposter Syndrome | Barbra Licaから)

Imposter Syndrome by Barbra Lica

n a world where almost everyone appears to have their public image and hashtags in order, “Imposter Syndrome” explores instead an identity still in flux. Equal parts playful and sombre, these songs flip unapologetically between genres, tempos, and production styles in search of what it means to be a flawed human with big dreams, bigger feelings, and a verifiably awkward social presence… With this newest EP, JUNO-nominated singer-songwriter-producer Barbra Lica presents her most brutally honest music to date, combining elements of Folk, RnB, Indie Pop, Jazz, and Existential Synth (not a real genre). Recorded almost entirely in home studios and cobbled together instrument by instrument, “Imposter Syndrome” represents a two-year production collaboration with some of Toronto’s most accomplished artists including James Bryan (Prozzäk, Philosopher Kings), Nicolas Tateishi (Sam Drysdale, Joanna Majoko), Christine Bougie (Bahamas, Lydia Persaud), Drew Jurecka (Dua Lipa, Jully Black), and Joel Visentin ("This American Life"). With her light-hearted dance number dedicated to girl nerdom (“Girls Like Me”), her reverie to utter defeat ("The Ghost of Me"), her gentle musings on empathy (“Take Care of You”), and her Randy Newman-esque ode to aging women (“Sour Women”), Barbra takes listeners on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and soundscapes.クレジット2022年10月7日リリース Written by: Track 1: Barbra Lica Track 2: Barbra Lica & Danielle Knibbe Track 3: Barbra Lica & James Bryan Track 4: Barbra Lica, Danielle Knibbe & Alexandra May Track 5: Barbra Lica & Tom Fleming Track 6: Barbra Lica & James Bryan Track 7: Barbra Lica Produced by: Track 1 & 4: Barbra Lica & Joel Visentin Track 2: Barbra Lica & Nicolas Tateishi Track 3 & 6: Barbra Lica & James Bryan Track 5: Barbra Lica & Christine Bougie Track 7: Barbra Lica & Drew Jurecka Strings Arranging: Track 7: Drew Jurecka Editing: Tracks 1 & 4: Joel Visentin Track 2: Nicolas Tateishi Tracks 3 & 6: James Bryan Track 5: Christine Bougie Track 7:Drew Jurecka Vocals: Barbra Lica Support Vocals for Track 1: Contributed by: Genevieve Marentette, Sammy Jackson, Lori Cullen, Andrea Ramolo, Whitney Ross-Barris, Carole Binsky, Faith Amour, Laurent Bourque, Avery Raquel, Denielle Bassels, Chynna Lewis, Joanna Majoko, Stacey MacIntyre, Gina Pennesi, Leah Canali, Julie Mahendran, Sara Lynn Swaigen, Julia Swaigen, Grace Hightower, Evie Hightower Synth Programming: Tracks 1 & 4: Joel Visentin Track 2: Nicolas Tateishi Tracks 3 & 6: James Bryan Track 7: Drew Jurecka Keyboards: Track 1 & 4: Joel Visentin Piano: Track 5: Joel Visentin Track 7: Barbra Lica Organ: Track 3: Joel Visentin Guitars: Tracks 1 & 5: Christine Bougie Track 2: Nicolas Tateishi Tracks 3 & 6: James Bryan Track 4: Rich Grossman Electric Bass: Track 4: Alex St.Kitts Track 5: Mark Godfrey Track 6: James Bryan Acoustic Bass: Track 7: Justin Gray Drums: Track 1: Sarah Thawer Track 5: Joshua VanTassel Track 6: Marito Marques Trumpet: Track 4: Tom Moffett Violins,Violas: Track 7: Drew Jurecka Mixed by: Justin Gray @ Synthesis Sound Productions Mastered by: Justin Gray @ Immersive Mastering Photography by: Jen Squires Makeup and Hair by: Sydney Desnoyers Haircut and colour by: Jamie Potts CD Graphics and Design by: Matilda Armstrong 8-Bit Disc Art by: Matthew Barnett This project is funded in part by FACTOR, the Government of Canada and Canada’s private radio broadcasters. Ce projet est financé en partie par FACTOR, le gouvernement du Canada et les radiodiffuseurs privés du Canada.

[mswiftie9090]

My Swift Life

2007: I heard Teardrops on my Guitar at a Claire’s in a mall in LA after flying from Guatemala for like 12 hours. I spent 2 weeks trying to figure out who it was, including when I screamed at the girl at Claire’s “WHO IS THIS?! WHO IS THIS?!”

2008: I was lonely while living in France learning how to speak French. Love Story made me smile every day for like 3 weeks. 

2009: I start dental school, first generation college student. I am making my parents so proud. Change is playing. I learned to play the guitar with the song Jump Then Fall. I wanted to tell a guy, lets call him Tall Dude, I liked him. He did not think I was good at playing guitar. Chip off of my self esteem. 

2010: I bought a record player because @taylorswift made a vinyl and danced around my house with my record player playing. In the back of my mind, I am starting to wonder about my choices. I wish I’d never grown up. 

2011: I went into a deep depression because I realized I spent three years going to school for something that felt wrong. I dropped out of school at the start of December. I was in New York when I told my parents. My dad told me I was a disappointment, a failure, said I’d never be successful, and it was a shame I had to waste how smart I had been. My mom could not look at me. I planned my suicide, I was supposed to die January 2nd 2012. Except on December 26th, 2011 Taylor released Safe and Sound. That song saved my life. 

2012: Played Safe and Sound for months until I managed to stop crying. I left the country, I got into a new school, and made the Dean’s list. I played 22 twenty two times for my 22nd birthday. My mom apologized, and we danced together during my birthday all 22 times. Tall Dude asked me out, I told him to suck it. 

2013: Second week of October, my dad has a massive heart attack, five open heart surgeries. The cause was an embezzler who stole all of our money. He is dying, I sing a stripped down version Sweeter Than Fiction next to him in the ICU. I wonder if he can hear me. I am about to drop out, I need to help my family, I feel like it was all for nothing. I have no energy to live, because whatever happens, I still love my dad. I’m staying I decide, except my dad wakes up, and it honestly is Sweeter Than Fiction. November, I saw Taylor live for the first time. I cried during all too well, thinking of who I had been only 2 years before, and everything that happened with my dad. I danced during 22, because I was 22 at the time. I thanked Andrea when I briefly met her, did not explain exactly how her daughter saved my life twice. I made Dean’s list for the third time in three semesters. 

2014: Graduated from College with honors, got into the only school I applied to for my master’s degree. Taught a 2 year old how to shake it off, when baby-sitting because I needed to make a living. 

2015: Got offers from multiple schools to do my PhD in. My dad helped me write the commencement speech for my master’s graduation. He never apologized for calling me a failure, but having him listen to me practice that speech was everything. I visited New York again, cried because I was someone else before, 2011 Melanie was gone. I had succeeded. I see Taylor, and sing Clean while crying over who I was, and everything that has happened. I drove across the country with an infinite Taylor playlist, because I was about to start my PhD, and it is all coming together.

2016: Working on my research at a national lab. People ask me what it feels like. I cannot believe that is my life. My mom tells me a respected professor said “she’ll never have to look for a job, people want to work with her. She is just that good.” I cry while listening to my favorite throwback Change. 

2017: I passed my qualifying exam. I attend my first scientific conference. I become responsible for my own little corner of the world. I am getting results. I am excited. I am doing better than I ever was. 

2018: St. Patrick’s Day A friend just assaulted me. I think it hurts more because it is someone I cared about. I cannot put together the person he was three weeks ago, compared to who he is now. I want to quit school. I want to go home. I do not want to see him because he is so well liked. Except, I have lived through so much. Fuck him. Even if it still makes me cry. I am not giving up. I am letting everyone know who this fucker really is, because if a man talks shit I owe him nothing, and he had it coming. I can’t wait to see her May 12th, Santa Clara. I will scream I Did Something Bad with a real meaning behind those words.

Future: I will have obstacles. I will have tremendous joy. I will have a lot of Taylor songs that will become my anthem, and help me get through something or to celebrate something. 

[jokerxtreme36]

Drew these out of boredom

This is my attempt at a reboot design for the Gold Zeo Ranger, while I’m still hoping for a sequel (I drew this before the whole ‘Hasbro buying the whole franchise’ thing), I got around thinking of what would the latter powers/suits look like or be incorporated, I went with the Gold Ranger because I feel they would keep the MMPR suits in the reboot series (if it becomes it’s own series).

This is Megan Hart, for this old prison horror fighting game idea. She was a calm strategist who planned her crimes carefully, but was ultimately caught and experimented into becoming a Beetle-like beast with drill arms, She becomes close friends with Gia,

This is Hiyama Ryukuro, a side character from that old ‘Heroes in High school’ idea. He is mostly known as a shorty in his human form, but when he transforms into his beast form, he grows taller and monstrous. He is usually calm and collective but in his beast form, he can go berserk but only for a few minutes.

This is Mecha-Nemesis, a random of them bringing in a Mecha version of Nemesis using the remains of Nemesis Prime. Not much to say.

This is RC-8000, a strange idea for a Robocop vs Terminator film idea I had, where skynet uses the remains of the reboot Robocop and modified into a terminator like android to destroy another (the original) timeline.

This is Alexa Camilo,a random Pacific Rim oc I thought up out of boredom.

This is Tom Lucas from that old ‘Heroes in High school’ idea, though this time he’s a warrior in this RPG au idea. In this au, he is on the quest of looking for his sister (who was taken by thieves years ago) and ends up finding some cursed axes that he only uses as a last resort.

This is Kamen Rider Spring, a rider form I thought up for Misora in a what if scenario if Sento fixed up Ryuga’s old Sclash Driver and gave it to Misora, with the Rabbit Jelly bottle, she becomes KR Spring. When designing the form, I added some details based on Misora’s rabbit plush.

This is Guererro Carmesi, a Jeager oc I thought up as a follow up for my previous oc. Not much else to say.

This is my attempt at making a Kamen Rider version of Mantis from Guardians of the Galaxy. Not much else to say.

This is Cameron Clarkson from that old ‘Heroes in High school’ idea, though this time he’s a wizard in this RPG au idea. In this au, he's a young wizard that is on a quest to learn more spells to help others. He also uses his guitar to cast some spells.

This is Ayane Zõnn, a side villain from that old ‘Heroes in High school’ idea. She is an Akaruijin that is on a mission to hunt Rena and the others for her master, to the point she becomes fascinated with them and wanting to toy with them.

This is my random attempt at making aquitian version of the MMPR Blue Ranger, it was an idea inspired by this post I reblogged not long ago and mentioned the idea, which got me inspired to try fusing the two suit designs.

This is Chameleon Green Ninja, with the Space Squad crossover coming soon, I thought I’d try drawing Hammy’s Kyuranger form, but with a few Ninja aesthetics (inspired by her dark outfit in the crossover). 

This is Axel Franco, Ultraman Prime’s human host (an Ultraman oc I thought up long ago) that works for the GFP (Galactic federation patrol), a police federation that protects and serves their city from rogue Kaiju and aliens. Like most early Ultramen, he was saved by Prime and they work together to stop an alien armada.

This is Andrea, a condor warrior from a tribe of Condrians, she helps Xinema in her quest in stopping the corrupted Nazca beasts by giving her some new weapons and training her to master them.

A side note, I decided to try editing the pics to brighten up and find a way to make the details pop up more.