#and there is a lot that went on in my head that I didn't write here!!
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imagine isha doing that thing that mute kids sometimes do, where they suddenly say a word/sentence or two out loud n then go back to being completely mute for a few years. imagine you’re tucking her in like “ily isha, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite” and she goes “ok. goodnight. mac & cheese.” and you never hear her talk again
also i love your writing 🩷🩷
this is so fucking funny god
men and minors dni
jinx has always claimed that isha speaks to her on occasion. you and sevika are always skeptical. a lot of isha's squeaks can sound like words-- and jinx tends to hear voices that aren't really there more than most people.
it takes a year of living together before one of you catches it in person.
sevika runs into the kitchen so fast she almost knocks over a chair. "babe, babe!" she says with a giddy smile. you giggle.
"what?"
"isha-- she just talked!" sevika laughs. "she doesn't know i heard her-- she was puttin' her socks on and her toe popped out of a hole, and she went; 'awe fuck!'" sevika imitates.
you burst into laughter. "are you sure?! you didn't just mishear one of her little grunts?"
"babe, i know what i heard. i read about this, y'know. sometimes, mute kids just randomly talk. and jinx said she's heard it before! i guess... i guess she really liked those socks!" sevika cackles. "you shoulda heard her little voice cursin' baby, oh my god!" sevika can't stop laughing.
for a long time, you don't quite believe her story. you're sure your wife thought she heard your kid curse, but you aren't convinced that isha can talk at all.
until she talks to you.
almost two years after sevika claims she hears isha talk, you're tucking her into bed like any other night. isha's pointing out various poisonous frog species to you in her favorite 'dangerous animals' book, and you're playing with her hair, kissing her head occasionally.
"if i was a poision dart frog, i think i'd be pink and purple. what about you?"
isha taps her chin while she considers your question, then signs with a smile. blue and yellow! you laugh. of course she'd pick her favorite colors.
"nice. what do you think jinx and big mama would be?"
jinxie is blue and purple and big mama is green!
"you've got it all figured out, huh?"
isha nods with a yawn. you chuckle.
"alright-- i think it's bedtime. c'mon, get comfy." isha hands her book to you and crawls under her covers. when she settles, she scrunches her face just a bit and lets out a fart. you giggle. "got your dutch oven going, huh?" you ask. she laughs.
"do frogs fart?" isha asks.
you freeze, staring at isha as she blinks up at you with big eyes, waiting for an answer. "wh-- did you--"
do they? she signs.
you burst into laughter and pull isha into your arms. "i have no idea!" you laugh. "oh my god!" isha giggles in your arms, confused by your reaction but enjoying the barrage of kisses you're giving her regardless. "i love you so much you silly little girl."
isha gets sick of your cuddles, elbowing you and signing. look it up on your phone! she whines. you cackle.
"okay, okay!" you laugh as you pull out your phone to google isha's question.
sevika and jinx are never going to believe this.
or... maybe they will.
taglist!
@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner
@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther
@lavenderbabu @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart
@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette
@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp
@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner
@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke
@strawberrykidneystone @sevikasfan @fict1onallyobsessed @dvrkhcld @sweetybuzz25
@sluttysierraaa @snake-in-a-flower-crown @ruiwonderz @littlemisszaunite @biblicalcrybaby
@blackgaladriel @nightlyconfusion @dancingqu33n17 @losernb
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Dissonance (Part 2) | JJK
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (f)
Part 1, Part 2
Genre/Tags: coworker!JK, enemies to lovers, smutttttt, slow burn (ish?), ANGST
Word Count: 6799 words
Synopsis:
After being left alone and humiliated on the floor of a dirty bar bathroom by Jungkook, you had to pick yourself up off the ground (literally). You had to get even, embarrass him like he'd done to you. Maybe you were mean to him before, but you were about to become a nightmare to humble this man. Unfortunately for you, your anger was short sighted, while Jungkook's wasn't. So you never predicted how your plans might backfire on you...
Note:
it's finally fucking here omg. ik it's super late but i'm finally decently satisfied with this. i'm looking forward to writing part 3 bc that's where the tension finally breaks and y'all aren't even ready for the revenge y/n gets lol. i hope y'all enjoy this and it lives up to part 1! i'd love to know your thoughts, if you're still pissed with jk lol, and any suggestions or requests are always welcome! chatting with you guys is my fav part <3
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Dread consumed your senses from the moment you woke up. The weekend had passed, but your chest still burned with rage at the thought of having to see Jungkook again. You hadn't even noticed the time go by over the last two days, too busy seething in your own anger. If you hated Jungkook before, you loathed him now. You forced composure as you got dressed for work. Jungkook already had the upper hand when he'd left you in the bar bathroom. He knew that you'd seen him with the girl afterwards too. You couldn't even think about whether he'd went home with her that night without being sick. After all that, the last thing you wanted was for him to think he had any kind of effect on you. You were going to go back to work with pride and confidence. At least you wanted to.
When you finally got to work, you made a beeline for your desk, pointedly not looking for Jungkook. As you settled in, one of your coworkers stopped by your desk.
"Oh hey Y/n, you feeling any better?" he asked. Your head whipped up, a gentle voice ripping you away from your resentful thoughts. You looked up at him in confusion, eyes settling on his red hair. "From Friday? You left early because you weren't feeling well?"
"Oh, right," you cleared your throat. Just then, you saw Jungkook's unmistakable figure from the corner of your eye. He was talking to someone but you could feel his eyes boring into you. Your blood began to boil but you forced yourself to stay calm. You refused to indulge him at all. "I'm feeling much better actually, thanks Jimin," you replied, shooting your coworker a sweet smile. Jimin was your acquaintance in the office; someone you could actually stand in that place. He was always kind and helpful which automatically made him better than 70% of the people there. Even though you hung out in the same circles, you never really became close friends. Probably because you were always more focused on how annoying Jungkook was whenever you were out. And you were doing it again. You made conversation to force any thoughts of him out of your mind.
"How does your hair seem more red every time I see you?" you asked with a light-hearted laugh.
"I can't be caught slacking. I put in a lot of work to keep this hair ya know," he smiled back at you.
"I still don't know how you got permission from the boss for that," you gestured to his hair. "I asked before and she shut me down so fast." Jimin laughed at the annoyed expression on your face, finding it endearing.
"I guess I'm just that charming," he shrugged, holding back a chuckle. You couldn't help but snicker. Jimin's jokes weren't that different from Jungkook's, but he wasn't obnoxious about it. Jungkook obviously believed his jokes and thought he was god's gift to the world, which made him insufferable. Jimin, on the other hand, didn't take his jokes too seriously and wasn't constantly flirting with anything that moved.
Jungkook, who was barely listening to the person talking to him, had heard your exchange with Jimin. He felt annoyance build in his chest. He knew that if he'd made the same joke, you would've been rolling your eyes and making fun of him. So why were you giggling when Jimin said it? He tried to distract himself by trying to focus on the conversation he was supposed to be having.
A quick chat with Jimin later, you turned back to your desk. You made the mistake of looking up and caught Jungkook's gaze. He looked at you, an indifferent look on his face. He wasn't sure what he was expecting; maybe you'd look away in embarrassment, maybe you'd glare at him angrily. But what he didn't expect was the cold, empty look you gave him - like you were looking right through him, like he wasn't even there. His brows furrowed for a quick second, even more annoyed now. You went right back to work.
That's how the next few days went by. Every time Jungkook was remotely in your vicinity, you'd look through him without ever acknowledging him. If he even tried to walk your way, you left the room immediately. At first, Jungkook thought you were just being childish. But when you regained your confidence after a few days, he knew that you weren't through with him just yet. If he thought your insults were bad before, the newfound loathing you had for him made things ten times worse. It started with you amplifying the spite in your voice when you insulted him for his work. You refused to speak with him directly either, so all the insults were being thrown indirectly and in front of your other coworkers. With every second this continued, Jungkook felt his patience running thin. But if you were stubborn, so was he. He kept up your little game by firing back with his usual sarcastic or flirty remarks. Internally, he was burning with fury, just like you wanted him to.
All the animosity and anger eventually came to its boiling point when you crossed the line for the last time. You had walked to your desk that morning to find that your boss had paired you and Jungkook on the next project. Your skin crawled at the idea of having to work with him over the next few weeks. Part of you wondered if Jungkook had something to do with this. Thinking about him getting your boss on board with making you his partner for this big project was only adding to the fire that was spreading through your body. You already hated the way your boss melted around him, but to think that he could manipulate her to this level? After spiraling for a few minutes, you forced yourself to take deep breaths. You had to remind yourself that you were jumping to conclusions and then convince yourself not to march over to Jungkook's desk and give him a piece of your mind. You tried to get back to work, but all you could think about were what reasonable excuses you could make to get out of this situation. The rest of your morning was spent racking your mind. With no luck, you decided to join your coworkers for lunch; hoping that it would give you a distraction.
Unluckily for you, Jungkook walked into the staff lunchroom soon after, only to find you and some of your other coworkers chatting around the coffee machine. Well, they were chatting and you were busy glaring him down from the second he stepped into the room. Your dark eyes peered at him over the rim of your mug as you sipped your coffee. You knew that there was no way in hell he was going to approach you to talk about this. The solution to your problem practically fell into your lap when you zoned back in to the conversation around you. If he really did get the boss to put you on the project with him, you'd make him regret that decision.
"I can't believe you got that huge project Y/n! You're so lucky," one of them said, playfully pouting.
"Talk about lucky," someone else chimed in, "You even get to work with Jungkook. But I guess that isn't so lucky for you." They laughed lightly, poking fun at you. Clearly they hadn't noticed that Jungkook was in the room, listening.
"Everyone here knows how much you hate him, even the boss. Really, what was she thinking pairing you guys up?" They continued to laugh at your misery. But you weren't annoyed. Instead, your mind lit up with the perfect way to get under Jungkook's skin in that moment. The second he saw the way your eyes lit up, he knew he was in for it. Jungkook prided himself on the fact that everyone liked him and thought highly of him. So what better way to get your revenge and get him to kick you off the project than to take that away from him?
"Yeah," you said skeptically, "She's never paired us up before." You continued to stare directly at Jungkook. Your coworkers looked at you with confusion and amusement.
"What changed this time?" Jimin's voice rang through the room as he walked in to join you. He'd already spotted Jungkook in the other corner of the room, and he saw the dark glint in your eyes. It was clear to him that you were up to something. So he helped you out by stirring the pot a little. Jungkook squinted his eyes at you, annoyed at seeing Jimin again and wondering where you were going with this.
"I think Jungkook really wanted this project," you answered. "And it's easy to get whatever you want when you're fucking the boss," you said, not breaking eye contact for a second. Gasps erupted across the circle as they all looked at you in disbelief. Jimin's brows raised and he scoffed, slightly taken aback that you were making that accusation. But you were more focused on Jungkook's reaction. The look on his face was beyond furious. His eyes darkened and you saw the tick in his jaw as he clenched it.
"Wait, you really think so?" one of them asked, everyone already engrossed in the gossip.
"He is a manwhore," you shrugged. Jimin stifled his laugh, not wanting to be too mean to Jungkook. You finally looked away from Jungkook and back at the group. "And he always gets the good projects. Boss doesn't favour anyone else like that." Your coworkers immediately started gossiping amongst themselves, making random connections because what you said made sense. Some of them already started getting riled up, thinking that their opportunities had been snatched by Jungkook through the boss. You obviously didn't know for sure whether Jungkook was sleeping with your boss or not. But you didn't have to. You just had to plant the idea and you knew your coworkers would jump to conclusions.
"You must be really pissed at him," Jimin whispered, leaning back against the counter. You felt Jungkook's eyes glaring daggers at you but you paid him no attention.
"I promise he had it coming," you whispered back, a devious smirk settling on your lips.
"Remind me to never get on your bad side," he chuckled. You just shot him a smirk. When you glanced back at Jungkook, you barely caught him walking out the door. You didn't know what you were expecting. Maybe you wanted him to lose his shit in front of everyone, or yank you out of the room with him. So the disappointment you felt only annoyed you more. By the time you finished your lunch and made your way back to your desk, you already began hearing whispers about Jungkook and your boss. For a moment, you wondered if this was crossing the line. Definitely. But so was getting you to blow him and ditching you in that bathroom. Now you're even. You couldn't help but smile, knowing that he must be seething about the rumours.
A couple hours later, you were being called to your boss' office to discuss the new project she'd assigned you and Jungkook. You reluctantly grabbed your things and made your way there. You couldn't keep in your scoff when you saw Jungkook already there, making your boss giggle about god knows what. Your boss cleared her throat as she noticed you in the doorway, peeling herself off her desk from how far she was leaning forward towards Jungkook. You fought the urge to roll your eyes. Way to be subtle.
"Y/n," she announced, "Come, sit down." You forced a smile as you sat down in the chair next to Jungkook. He didn't say anything to you, didn't even bother looking at you. Just being in his proximity was pissing you off, especially since he had nothing to say to you. Obviously he couldn't say anything in front of the boss, but you wanted to see that you'd made him just as angry as he'd made you. Maybe all this rage was clouding your mind and judgement...but who cares?
You pulled out your pen and began taking notes as she started talking about the project. Despite hating working with Jungkook, you weren't going to let that ruin your work on this project. You rolled your eyes when you saw that he wasn't taking notes at all. Of course. As your boss began wrapping up the conversation, you gathered your things again, getting up to leave.
"Listen you two," she started, her tone changing. You raised your brows and sat down, curious what she had to say. "I know you don't like working together, but this is an important project. So please, put your feelings aside and work on this together." You scoffed, forgetting to keep your composure. That's when Jungkook finally looked at you. His eyes were fiery but he looked vaguely amused that you had the courage to scoff at the boss. Your boss was also looking at you expectantly, waiting for an explanation. That was all you needed to decide that maybe you weren't even with him just yet.
"Sorry, but it's not about feelings. Our work ethics don't match. I'd rather work on this alone," you said, straightening your back as you felt like you were in the spotlight. Your boss didn't look too happy.
"This isn't a one person project Y/n," she pointed out.
"I know, but it would honestly be easier to do the work myself instead of having to chase him around, begging him to get anything done." The amusement quickly disappeared from Jungkook's face.
"Excuse me?" he finally spoke. You ignored him.
"Maybe we can switch him out for someone who's actually focused on their work instead of flirting," you boldly stated. Your boss scoffed in disbelief.
"What is your problem? Do you think I want to work with you?" Jungkook spat, just about done with your shit. He shifted in his chair to face you, one hand gripping the armrest hard enough to see the whites of his knuckles. Oh now he had something to say.
"You're lucky to be working on this with me. Or else this project would've gone to shit," you retorted with an equal amount of spite.
"There's a reason I'm on this project Y/n. Because I'm good at my job. So if you're letting your personal feelings affect your professionalism, you need to get a grip." His words stung but you refused to accept that there was some truth to them. He was giving you a taste of your own medicine; humiliating you in front of your boss like you were doing to him. All your self control and common sense went out the window when you felt that embarrassment.
"Yeah, that's why you're on this project," you said sarcastically, referring to the rumour you'd started a few short hours ago. You could practically see his nostrils flare as he willed himself to keep his mouth shut.
"You're out of line Y/n," your boss jumped in. She hadn't heard the rumours yet, but she could clearly see that Jungkook didn't like the implications of what you had said. "I don't care whether you two like each other or not. You will put aside...whatever this is...and work together on this, and that's final," she said firmly. Irritation coursed through you, seeing her take Jungkook's side yet again.
"Yes ma'am," you barely grit through your teeth. You'd be darned if you got fired over Jungkook. You quickly stood up and left, rushing to the file room for a moment to cool down. It was the only place you could get some silence - no one ever really stepped into the filing room because most of your work was stored digitally anyways. You pressed your back to one of the metal cabinets, sliding down to crouch as the door slowly shut. You took some deep breaths to calm down. If you went back out there now, you would rip someone's head off. How did Jungkook have the audacity to continue being a dick to you? You knew you'd without a doubt crossed the line back there, but despite that, you didn't feel even with him yet. After a few moments of dragging your mind away from these thoughts, you took one last deep breath and stood back up. You straightened your skirt and fixed your hair. Since you were already there, you decided to grab some files you needed for the project before going back out there. You turned around, pulling a drawer open and digging through the files before you found them. Just as you pulled them out, you heard the door open behind you. You already knew who it was, getting a waft of his cologne. Your heart already began beating faster, not knowing what to anticipate. There was a beat of silence as the door slowly shut.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jungkook grit through his teeth, trying to keep his voice down. You didn't bother turning around or replying to him. Any semblance of self control he had left snapped when you didn't even acknowledge him. With three quick strides, he was right behind you, pressing you face flat against the cabinets. He yanked one of your hands behind your back, making you drop your files. You yelped as his entire body caged you in, slight panic rising in your chest.
"You don't get to ignore me now," he snapped, voice low. "You haven't shut the fuck up for the last few days, don't start now." He yanked your arm down further so he could hold your wrist with one hand. You groaned at the ache, but decided against complaining about it. His anger was palpable; you could practically feel it seeping through your skin, igniting your own fury. In the shock of the moment, you'd almost forgotten that Jungkook wasn't the only one with reason to be upset. This was all a consequence of his insanely disrespectful behaviour, and he had the nerve to be mad at you now?
"What is it? What's got you so fucking riled up, hmm?" He sounded bewildered, gritting the words through his teeth. The more he pressed against you, the harder it got to ignore the heat building in you. An ugly satisfaction was creeping through you seeing the way you'd managed to get under his skin. This was what you wanted; to see that you'd affected him.
"Didn't get enough cock last time? That it?" he growled, bending down next to your ear. His words pierced right through you, as if he knew exactly which buttons to press.
"Fuck you," you spat before you could compose yourself. You strained in his hold, your arm coming up to elbow him in the ribs. To your dismay, Jungkook predicted your move and held you tighter, keeping you still.
"I thought it'd be enough to keep you satiated for at least a week. But you're just a cock hungry whore hm? " he taunted, his lips grazing your ear and sending an involuntary shiver down your spine. "I should've fucked your throat a little harder. Wouldn't be able to lie about me to everyone - including our boss - then, would you?" Despite the bitterness in his voice, your body reacted to his words. Your mind was scolding itself for the rush of arousal that coursed through you. How was he still affecting you like this?
You shook your head clear. No. He wasn't going to have his way this time.
"Lie? I haven't lied about anything," you replied with a snarky tone. Jungkook chuckled in disbelief. He quickly flipped you around so you were forced to face him. You didn't hesitate to meet his ravenous gaze with your own.
"No? So you really think I'm sleeping with the boss?" he asked, tone getting serious. You shrugged nonchalantly, annoying him more.
"You'll fuck anything that moves," you jabbed. "At least fucking the boss has some real benefits unlike the girl from the bar. Maybe she'd even give you a raise if you could satisfy her properly." Jungkook couldn't hide the disgust that flared across his features; insulted that you thought so little of him. The urge to shut you up was growing stronger by the second, burning through his insides. You were going to drive him insane.
"Watch yourself," he warned, the words coming out dark and gravelly. But the surge of excitement that you felt, knowing that you had managed to provoke him, was addicting. You wanted more.
"If it was anyone else, I'd be all for it. Get that bag, you know?" you said with indifference. "But you? I thought the boss had better taste. Her bar must be in hell." That was enough for Jungkook. Before you even had a second to process what was happening, one of his hands was wrapped around your neck. His fingers dug into the flesh, limiting your breath in the most delicious way.
"You didn't seem to think so when you were begging me to touch you - to fuck you in a dirty bar bathroom," he growled, stepping closer, face inches from yours.
"Yeah, obviously I expected too much," you sneered. "You don't know how to please anyone but yourself. Boss must be a real masochist to keep going back to you. Poor thing," you tutted, knowing you'd practically nailed the head in your own coffin before you'd even finished your thought. Jungkook's face contorted in a snarl as his grip tightened around your throat. You gasped, the dark swirl in your core intensifying.
"Maybe I should talk to her," you patronized, chasing the high from pissing him off. "I can recommend someone who can actually make her feel good - get her off. A man. Not a selfish boy," you emphasized. "Think she'll like me better than you after that?" With that, his other hand was pressed firmly against your mouth, effectively shutting you up. You grunted at the sheer pressure of his hold, now struggling to breathe.
"You just don't shut up, do you?" he spat. The look in his eyes was nearly feral; like he was going to eat you alive. His ego took a hit to your words, even though he knew you didn't actually believe everything you'd said. Still, you seemed to be stuck on his 'selfishness'. It infuriated him that you didn't understand why he wasn't giving you what you wanted, but he'd had enough of you running your mouth. If you'd forgotten how easily he made you melt under his touch, he'd just have to remind you. And make sure you never forgot again.
With each passing second of silent seething, you thought he might actually choke you out. But then he let go of you. You gasped for air, coughing as you caught your breath. Just as you were about to shoot him the dirtiest look you could muster, Jungkook sank to his knees. The snarky remark on your tongue vanished as you watched him kneel in front of you, looking up at you with a carnivorous gaze. Lust consumed your senses as he wordlessly loosened his tie, tugging at the collar of his shirt. You'd think that seeing him on his knees would make you feel more powerful in the situation. But the hunger in his eyes made it clear that he was still very much in control.
Simply put: Jungkook, in a suit and on his knees, was enough to wipe away your last bit of common sense.
"This is what you want, right?" he asked, his hands slipping under your skirt. You felt paralyzed, your breath caught in your throat. His hands moved up your thighs, slowly dragging your skirt up with them. "You wanna cum, yeah?" You were genuinely struggling to form any thoughts, your senses heightened.
"Want me to make you cum?" A strangled groan bubbled in your throat at his tone. He'd barely done a thing and your breathing was already heavy. So much for your resolve. As your skirt bunched above your hips, you suddenly became hyper aware of your situation. You were still at work, in a file room, door unlocked.
"Someone could walk in," you gasped, trying to convince yourself that you didn't want this. He ignored you, trailing his fingers down your hips and legs instead. "We've already been gone for a while. What if someone comes looking?" You desperately tried to focus your wandering mind.
"I guess I should hurry then," he sneered, shooting you a glare. Then his fingers were sliding between your legs, making you close your eyes and sigh as they eased the ache in your clit. By that point you were too far gone to even feel embarrassed about having soaked through your panties. Jungkook hissed as your slick coated his digits. "I put the bar in hell, but still, you get so wet for me," he snapped, adding more pressure. For the first time all day, you had nothing to quip back with. Your sweet silence was like music to his ears. Mindful of the time, Jungkook hooked his fingers in your underwear and pulled them down your legs. You knew there was no going back as you stepped out of them. Your knees felt weak as you watched him hastily shove them in his pocket. But before you could ask what he was planning on doing with them, he hooked a hand under your thigh, lifting your leg up and to the side. With your legs spread and your pussy staring him in the face, Jungkook was struggling to control himself. He wanted to tease you - make you beg and plead - but he didn't. Fuck. He couldn't; not when he felt like he'd lose his sanity if he didn't taste you right away.
Without wasting another second, his lips were pressed to you, the velvety heat of his mouth engulfing you as his tongue licked at your wetness. Your mouth was left agape as your hands buried into his hair, using the locks to keep yourself tethered. Jungkook groaned into your heat; he felt like he was getting drunk off of you. His fingers dug into your thighs as he hungrily lapped at your pussy. Your eyes rolled back and you let out a drawn out moan as his lips wrapped around your clit, creating the perfect amount of suction. You would've thought he was starved seeing the vigor with which he ate you out. He didn't stop, didn't pull away for a single breath - too consumed with the taste of you on his tongue. You were embarrassingly close already, struggling to contain your moans and whimpers. You bit your lip, trying to hold them in, but another particular harsh lick to your clit had you groaning Jungkook's name. Seeing you unravel so quickly only fueled Jungkook's appetite; the sound of his name on your lips going straight to his aching cock. All it took was him groaning into your cunt after that to send you over the edge. Your fingers yanked at his hair, desperately pulling him closer as you felt the white heat build up.
"Jungkook, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck," you cursed, voice whiny as you tried to keep quiet. "Gonna cum," you moaned right as you crashed over the edge. Jungkook felt you tense in his hold as you came on his tongue. He diligently lapped at your slit, sure to pay attention to your clit as well to help you ride out your orgasm. He slowed down as you came down from your high. Naturally, your legs tried to close together once his tongue became overstimulating. But Jungkook's hold was firm, keeping your legs apart. You tried to catch your breath, mind reeling from the mix of pleasure and pain flooding your senses.
"Jungkook... wait," is all you managed to get out. He ignored you again, picking up his pace despite your cringing.
"So fucking good," he growled against you, like he hated admitting it to himself. It felt weird hearing him compliment you after all the bickering and degrading earlier. Yet you couldn't deny that it boosted your ego seeing him so fucked out and angry. He pushed you further up against the cabinets, giving himself better access to you and delving his tongue into your dripping hole. And just like that, the sensitivity was replaced with a delicious pleasure once again.
"Please, wait..." you breathlessly pleaded. In contrast to the last orgasm, he was building this one up slowly. Unfortunately for you, that meant it felt twice as intense and you were getting increasingly worried about being caught.
"Thought you wanted to cum, sweetheart," he mocked. "That's why you're being such a bitch, right? Mad that I didn't make you cum last time?" he grit through his teeth. You cursed him under your breath, but were more focused on the feeling of his soft lips against. You finally looked down at him properly, ready to glare at him. But the second you saw his dark eyes staring up at you, the rest of his face buried between your legs, you lost your train of thought entirely. Then you saw his hand sprawled across your lower stomach while his thumb rubbed circles into your clit. Fuck, why was he so hot?
"What if we get caught?" you half-heartedly complained, trying to muffle your whimpers.
"They'll see what a fucking slut you are for me then," he grunted. You slapped a hand over your mouth when he picked up his pace, continuing to plunge his tongue in and out of you. "Keep your hands down," he demanded, pressing harder on your clit. "You're gonna keep moaning like that for me," he hissed, delving right back into the heat of your cunt. In that moment, all you heard was his demanding tone and your hands instinctively went back to his hair without a second thought. You whined, trying to keep your voice down as he slowly built up your pleasure.
"Good," he praised, his words muffled as he continued to eat you out. "I should make you scream, so that everyone knows that you, Y/n, are cumming on my tongue." His words were bitter but they turned you on more. You clearly had some problems. It didn't take very long after that to feel that white heat building up again. Jungkook could tell you were almost there, so he sped up the pace of his fingers and plunged his tongue deeper into you. "Including our boss," he rasped. And then you were cumming again; gripping tightly onto his hair and groaning his name once more.
"There you go," he coaxed, letting you ride his face. You hadn't realized, but at some point, your hips had started moving on their own. Seeing you with your eyes screwed shut and mouth hanging open, as you unraveled under his touch, only fueled Jungkook's hunger. When you started coming down, he finally pulled away; giving you a second of reprieve. That was until you looked down to see his blown out, dark eyes staring at you. His mouth and chin were covered in your juices and he looked ravenous. He quickly pulled off his suit jacket, wiping his face with the sleeve of his shirt, eyes never leaving yours. Your chest heaved; partly because you were still catching your breath, and partly because of how fucking hot Jungkook looked in the moment. His hands went right back to your thighs, pulling them apart once more.
"Wait, what're you doing?!" you asked, eyes going wide. "I can't cum again, please," you nearly cried. His fingers dug into your thighs as he watched you plead.
"You can and you will," he said firmly. "You know why?" He slid his fingers between your folds, gathering all the wetness that had pooled. "Because you fucking love my touch," he growled. Your already weak knees felt even weaker.
"You're so desperate for it; for my mouth, my fingers, my cock." Your legs threatened to buckle under you if it weren't for Jungkook's hand holding you up. "So desperate that you're being such a fucking brat," he spat. "Trying to piss me off. So, what? So that I'd finally touch you again?" he mocked. Your senses were overwhelmed and his words settled in a pit in your stomach. You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes; whether it was because of his harsh words or the overstimulation of his fingers, you weren't sure. Just as you were about to retort, Jungkook slipped a slender finger into you which slid in smoothly with how wet you were. He let out a throaty groan, quickly slipping another finger into you and curling them upwards. You nearly doubled over as he pressed right into your g-spot.
"See how tuned your body is to me? I've barely done a thing and you're already a mess," he taunted. Seeing how flimsy your legs had gotten, he quickly threw the leg he was holding over his shoulder, getting even closer to you. His name left your lips in a whine, your body torn between pleasure and worry. "Well here, I'm giving you what you want." He punctuated his words by curling his fingers again, making you moan. "You wanna cum? I'll make you cum...over and over again, so you never forget how good I make you feel." And with that, he finally pulled his fingers out before slamming them back into you, setting a hard pace.
Your mind was left blank, so consumed with pleasure that you couldn't even think about staying quiet. Whimpers and moans shamelessly tumbled out of you as he filled you up so delightfully. Jungkook wasn't unaffected either. Feeling how warm and wet you were was driving him up the wall, numbing his own thoughts.
"So wet for me, fuck. My cock would slide right into you with how drenched you are," he thought out loud. He felt you tighten around his fingers, making him snarl and pick up his pace. "Filthy fucking cockslut. I can't wait to feel you tighten around me like that when I'm fucking all this brattiness out of you," he growled, voice low. You could only moan in response.
"Jungkook, s-slow down, please," you begged, knowing that you wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. Before you knew it, his free hand came down on your pussy, leaving a delicious sting spreading through you. A half yelp-half moan sound came out of you, making Jungkook scoff.
"You're gonna take what I give you, like a good little slut," he grunted. "What do you have to say now Y/n?" he asked, annoyance lacing his voice. "You're so convinced I'm fucking every woman and leaving them unsatisfied. Do you feel satisfied yet?" With his fingers pumping you, grazing your g-spot with every thrust, it was nearly impossible for you to form a coherent thought. When you didn't answer, he gave your pussy another smack, making you hiss.
"Answer me," he demanded, "How do you feel now Y/n?"
"F-feel good," is all you could come up with. Jungkook chuckled at your fucked out state.
"Who's making you feel good sweetheart?"
"You," you moaned, feeling yourself reach your climax again. "Oh my god. Jungkook, please...don't stop. Feels so good, I'm gonna-"
Jungkook's ego inflated as you finally found your words again, saying exactly what he wanted to hear. Hearing you beg for him almost made up for all the shit you'd put him through that day. Almost. You were creaming on his fingers before you could even finish your sentence, moaning his name way louder than you should.
"Now you're finally being a good girl," he praised, continuing to pump his fingers through your orgasm. "Fuck, you're getting so tight. Keep cumming on my fingers like that, yeah?" he groaned, imagining how good you would feel on his cock. Your orgasm was so powerful, you were cumming for what felt like an eternity. Jungkook didn't mind; continuing to work you through it. When it was finally over, your legs gave out. Jungkook quickly caught you as you collapsed, and he placed you down on his discarded jacket on the floor. You closed your eyes and waited for your heart rate to go back to normal. When you opened your eyes after a few moments, Jungkook was still kneeling in front of you. His gaze was trained on your still exposed cunt and he had slipped his soaked fingers into his mouth, tasting you all over again. You worried for second that he still wasn't done with you. He slowly dragged his glazed over eyes to meet your. You gulped at the voracious look on his face, your legs instinctively closing.
Meanwhile, Jungkook was battling with his own insatiable thoughts. He knew he couldn't forget about this, about you, about your pussy after this. As infuriating and insufferable you were, he couldn't deny how good you tasted and felt. And he sure as hell couldn't deny how hard you'd gotten him either. With his hormones surging through him, all he could think about was being inside you, in any way. He saw the look on your face and nearly scoffed. You fucked up his reputation and humiliated him all because you wanted to cum, and now you couldn't take it. He took a deep breath, forcing his thoughts away so he could be rational.
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you cum again," he said. You scoffed, easing up a little with his reassurance. "You got what you wanted, right? Now maybe you'll keep your mouth shut." The high of your pleasure was wearing off and the weight of his words were hitting you. Did he really just think you were desperate for him? Had he forgotten how he was shamelessly flirting with that other girl right after leaving you in that bathroom? Reality finally caught up with you, and you realized how vulnerable you'd made yourself to him. If someone came in right now, the only person who'd be humiliated was you. Clearly, all of this was just a game to him; a way to shut you up. Jungkook was toying with you and you were letting him. A similar shame and hurt creeped across your skin as the night he'd left you in the bar bathroom. Part of you had started to feel bad about what you'd done earlier, but if Jungkook really was just using you, then you were still nowhere near even.
Without saying a word, you stood up, pulling your skirt back down. In the process, you remembered that he'd taken your underwear. But you'd have to talk to him to ask for them back, and the last thing you wanted to do was talk to him. You'd just have to clean up later and make it through the day without them. You straightened your clothes, trying to make them look as less wrinkly as possible, avoiding Jungkook's piercing gaze. When you finally felt like you looked presentable, that's when you looked at him. This time it was him that was left a mess. His hair was ruined by all the grabbing and pulling you'd done, and his collar was soaked with your juices. You looked at his jacket that you were not standing on, and sure enough, you'd left a wet spot and now heel marks on it too. It made you feel a little better, knowing that this time he'd have to fix himself up instead of you. You picked up his jacket with the toe of your shoe before kicking it over to him. You shot him a cold look.
"You're an asshole," you stated before walking out the door. Jungkook was left on the floor, even more frustrated. He'd felt more gratified after putting you in your place, but then what was that? You'd obviously enjoyed yourself, so what was the problem now? He groaned loudly. Despite his anger, the bulge in his pants was now aching. Everything about you was infuriating to him, so how did you have this much of an affect on him? His mind wandered back to how you felt in his hands and on his tongue. He growled as he palmed his crotch, slowly taking out his hard cock. He stroked himself harshly with the frustration you'd left him with. He quickly pulled out your panties from his pocket, unable to stop himself. His head rolled back and your name spilled past his lips along with low groans as he brought up the thin fabric to his face.
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Tag List: @myjungkookthighs @bemuas @junecat18 @exortedgoods @jahnaviii @jk97bam @itsmekylabear @blueberriesm @marvelbun @vantelover1306 @runariya @btstrology @diame93 @curse-of-art @minyoongi7016
#jungkook#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fic#jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook enemies to lovers#jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook smut#bts#bts jungkook#bts smut#bts fanfic#jjk smut#smut#female reader#jungkook x female reader#angst#jjk angst#enemies to lovers#filthy thoughts#writers#writers on tumblr
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They’re Jealous
lineup; I. sae, I. rin, o. aiku, r. shidou, m. kaiser and y. Isagi
¡ a.n ; heh..long time no see guys! guess whose freakin back. MEEE, I have a lot of new writing ideas that I have in my drafts so expect to get frequent updates like before!. trust I'm slowly getting back into the writing groove, but anyways I haven't wrote for bllk for awhile so enjoy the headcanonns!.
I haven’t wrote in so long..this might suck 💔
Itoshi sae ;
you grinned at the message seeing sae had disliked it, rolling your eyes going back to watching your show. as time went by fast, you heard the front door being opened and close and a bag being dropped. you hummed to yourself watching the room door being opened revealing your boyfriend, “hi baby.” sae only squinted his eyes, ignoring your hi, going into the closet to grab a extra pair of clothes so he can shower. you only sighed rolling your eyes knowing exactly where this attitude is coming from, lifting the blanket off your body to get out of bed, you walked towards him. with his back being turnt, you walked up behind him wrapping your arms around his waist. his muscles relaxed in your touch but he was still ignoring you. “my love?.” you started, “are you still upset about what happened?.” you raised a brow, and sae’s face scrunched up from the conversation that was an hour ago. it was like a bad taste in his mouth. he took a deep breathe in and deep breathe out, finally turning around to face you, his eyes bored into yours giving him a teasing smile. “so that’s a yes?” he looked away with a frown “why was he even that close..” his eyebrows furrowed, shaking your head. “we were only taking a picture.” — “you know I only want you, mr. grumpy.” he scoffed, you snickered. “I do!. don’t scoff at me.” you said leaning in a little more pulling him down (or not) to your height. “I love you, okay?” he hates how you can always find a way to make him feel much better about things, seeing his eyes finally soften you smiled in victory,
“now..go take a shower. you stink.” instantly he frowned again, making you giggle, pecking his lips.
Itoshi rin ;
you couldn’t help but shake your head with a grin, seeing he disliked the message, “what are you smiling at?” f/n questioned as you two walked, shaking your head. “nothing. now let’s go see those cats you were talking about!.” after your hang out with isagi you made it home, letting the door slam shut, as you were welcomed by a very grumpy Itoshi who was standing in the kitchen. It looked like he was getting started on dinner. “why’re you staring at me like that?.” you said crossing your arms, seeing him roll his own going back to cutting the vegetables. knowing rin your whole life, from being childhood friends to now being in a 2 year relationship you were able to read him very easily. he was still jealous. setting down your bag by the door you walked towards him who’s back was turnt to you. “rin.” you called. sliding your hand up his back, towards the back of his neck, playing with a strand of his hair that laid lazily there. “I see you’re growing out your hair again?.” he hummed barley giving you a glance, you frowned, but sighed. “whenever you wanna talk, i’ll be in the room.” can't say you didn't try, rin stopped for a moment. right as you were about to leave, you heard the kitchen knife being set down and his hands on your waist pulling you backwards. you stumbled from the movement but relaxed feeling him hug you,
"rin?" he wasn't good at this whole...emotion thing, and you know that, softly smiling at him. "hun.." you said, turning around to face him who was already staring at you with low eyes, "are you still bothered about what happened?" he nodded, furrowing his eyebrows. you lifted your hands to be placed on his cheek, caressing your thumb against, chuckling. "you're so cute when you get jealous.." he frowned rolling his eyes, "shut up." you smiled, "me and f/n are only friends. he’s not gonna take me from you." — "plus I only want you, I don’t want him.'' you always knew how to make him feel better, it makes his heart flutter every time. “I love you, okay?” his heart skipped a beat practically melting into your touch, feeling his face heat up. “I..love you too.” you smiled, leaning in to give him a small kiss which he gladly accepted, sighing in relief.
"now..stop being so moody so we can have dinner."
ryusei shidou ;
“ryu! i’m home!.” you yelled from the front door, but no answer. he would usually answer back by now, but he didn’t? it was suspicious..you raised brow walking towards the shared bedroom, it was completely quiet. was he sleep? he couldn’t be its only 7pm!!when you walked in you expected to see him or something, but he wasn’t there. this was weird. as soon as you were about to call for him, you heard the bathroom door being opened. you were about to question him but you stopped. his towel hanging dangerously low around his waist, exposing his v-line. water droplets dripping from his stomach down below, and his hair pushed back with strands stinking to his head. guess he was in the shower the whole time... he smirked seeing your eyes wander, “like what you see?.” his voice had a small teasing tone, walking towards you. you sure as hell did! nodding your head, his grin got wider “way better than him?..” he questioned, your eyes shooting to his face raising a brow. “you’re still on about that?.” you asked crossing your arms with a raised brow, hearing him click his tongue, “when you’re wearing an outfit like that, yeah.” you rolled your eyes with a grin, “who knew you out of all people would be like this?” you always knew he’s the cocky type and somewhat a “menace” but you’ve never expected jealousy being a trait of his. ryusei gave a grin with a shrug.
“what can I say? you’re hot.” — “and that means?” you questioned as he walked dangerously slow towards you, trailing his hand to the loop of your pants pulling you closer to him feeling his warm body on yours, tilting his head. “every guy thinks he’ll have a chance with you. who wouldn’t be jealous at the fact?” you hummed, trailing your hand up his arm, using your nail making small circles. “you know I only want you right? It was a small hangout ryu...” you looked up at him who smirking nodding his head, “I know.” as he said, unexpectedly picking you up by your thighs catching you off guard. “ryusei..” — “shh.” he shushed, throwing you on the bed, towering over you. “I seen the way he was looking at you…” he trailed, leaning down to peck your lips then slowly moving towards your neck, “pisses me off really.” he pecked against your skin, “you think if I leave enough they’ll know you’re taken?” he whispered sending chills down your spine, “ryu..don’t you dare.” he only chuckled, pecking your jawline, using his bigger hand to message your thigh. “just sit back..”
“and let me work.”
oliver aiku ;
after what seemed like hours and hours, you were finally home, feet aching, back hurting, all you wanted was a nice warm bath with bubbles, bath bombs, and a face mask..that was actually a good idea. smiling at the thought, you took off your jacket and hung up your keys near the door walking towards the shared bedroom to grab extra clothing, and a few cucumbers walking into the bathroom. surprisingly mr. hot show wasn’t here which was perfect giving you piece and quiet. after getting your self settled into the tub, putting on your face mask, tying your hair up, placing the cucumbers on your eyes you sighed in relief, sinking into the bath tub. piece and quiet. It was only 10pm, the perfect time to just have you time. but…you know what they always say..when you have a boyfriend and when you guys live together there’s no such thing as piece and quiet. when your ears perked up to the sound of foot steps entering the bathroom you mentally groaned.. you heard scuffling and clothes hitting the ground as well as water being moved around, you sighed “you know, you’re interrupting my peace, oliver.” you sassed hearing a deep chuckled, “ah, sorry darlin’ didn’t know the bath tub was being occupied right now.” you heard the tease in his tone, scoffing. you both know that’s bull.
"im surprised you didn't hear me come in?" you said with a raised brow, though you can't see him at the moment you can tell he shrugged with a snicker, "was in the gym and decided to come take a nice shower, but someone beat me to it." — "did you get that guys number, that was in the photo?" you grinned with a hum, leaning up from the tub to take the cucumbers off your eyes, giving him a small stare who smirked in return. "there's no way you're still jealous?" he hummed, also leaning up letting his hands guide under the water to pull you closer to him by your legs, "me, jealous? I was just asking a question princess." you rolled your eyes, feeling his hands guide their way around you, "now it's just a question?" he hummed once more, letting his hands glide their way to your waist pulling you ontop of him. "yeah it is." you wrapped your arms around his neck, tilting your head to the side. "is that so?" he nodded, snickering at his answer. "well pretty boy, you only have my eye, no one else."
"you're stuck with me weather you like it or not."
#black reader#anime x black!reader#anime x reader#{ 🖋️} writings#fluff#black writers#bllk x black reader#bllk x y/n#bllk fluff#smut#sae itoshi#rin itoshi#shidou ryusei#aiku oliver#sae x black!reader#rin x reader#shidou x reader#aiku x reader#bllk headcanons#bllk scenarios#bllk x reader#bllk x you
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tell your friends ♡
PAIRING : fratboy!haechan x reader (lil bit of mark x reader too)
SUMMARY : you tell your friends you hate him but you can't get enough.
WARNINGS : smut, jealousy (i guess?), arguing, roughish haechan, mention of a one night stand, swearing.
A/N : heres part 2 finally !! part 1 is here <3 hopefully you guys enjoy this - obviously its clear i don't know how to write a part 2 but i did my best! im really bad with putting warnings so pls let me know if i've left anything out! love you all !!
karina looked up from her phone and you were already at the bar, glaring down haechan with a fiery gaze. she gulped, looking beside her to winter and she shrugged - there was nothing they could do now, you weren't going to back down.
you looked at haechan and the girl who was leeching off of him, her drunken giggles and words ringing in your ears. you scoffed and ordered a drink, "fratboys.." you mumble under your breath. haechan had obviously heard you though as he turns around and smirked, "something wrong?"
"what do you think?" he just chuckled softly in return to your cold tone of voice, he found it quite entertaining how easy it was to get under your skin. he could tell you were growing feelings for him in the times you've both shared and he couldn't lie.. he was starting to feel something for you too but his ego would never let him admit that out loud (maybe).
you just got up from the bar. if he wanted to play this little game, so could you.
you set your eyes on a cute boy, you knew he was close with haechan, mark lee. time to shoot your shot. you walk over to him, hips swaying as you walked, smiling at him. "hey, mark right?" you ask softly as the said latter turned his head to you, leaning down so his lips were hovering just near your ear, "yeah. i'm mark, you baby?"
you blush and you lean into him as well, "y/n." mark raised a brow - he recognised your name because of haechan but he wasn't going to complain if he had a chance with you tonight.
⋆。‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧。⋆
haechan had noticed both you and mark, flirting with one another and the lingering touches that get a bit too touchy. you were currently sat on marks lap, leaning into him as his hand was on your thigh, rubbing your inner thigh. even your friends could see what you were doing - trying to get under haechan's skin like he was with yours.
before things could get any further between the both of you, haechan stormed over and grabbed your hand, pulling you away from mark. he lead you outside, you were trying to ask what he was doing but he didn't respond, he was too pissed to even think right now.
as soon as the cold air hit you this time though, you winced at how cold it became, it was a lot later in the night now. haechan let go of you and turned around, "so what was that with mark, huh?"
"what are you on about? as if you didn't have a girl leeching off of you half the night.. you have no right to act like this, lee donghyuck. i know your type and i kept reminding myself to not fall for a player like you yet i did. i went to mark because i was sick of it-" "oh so you just thought that you could do that type of shit with mark? when you were saying the last time we fucked that you were mine, do i need to remind you? trying to have a fucking one night stand with mark won't make you forget about me."
you scoffed, "you're so fucking full of yourself, what do you want from me at this point because you're pushing and pulling with me. i hate you. i will never find myself in your bed ever-fucking-again."
that was a lie. here you were now, in his bed as he tore his shirt over his head, throwing it to the floor and crawling between your legs. "say you want this, say you do and i'll remind you who you belong to but if you don't want this.. i'll get away from you."
you gulped, staring into his beautiful brown doe eyes as he looked down on you. you swore you wouldn't do this but he was too irresistible and he felt amazing.. your feelings for him also pushed you to the edge and you spoke up, "i do want this, please.. want you hyuck, fuck i need you so bad."
that was all he needed to hear before he was pulling your skirt up and moving your panties down your legs, throwing them somewhere on his floor. he unbuckled his jeans and pulled them down with his boxers, his dick slapping against his stomach. "you ready, baby? don't need to prep you do i?"
"no- no, you don't just.. please.." you begged. haechan bit his lip as he shoved himself inside of you, his dick stretching your walls so deliciously once again that he thought he was going to cum straight away. he had to inch himself slowly in you, bottoming out once he was fully inside and taking a breather, "you always swallow me in, your pussy always does this. it's like i haven't fucked you enough.."
a couple minutes later and he's pounding into you roughly, gripping your hair and shoving your head into his pillows. the sound of skin slapping and soft moans and groans to be heard echoing around his bedroom.
"didn't like seeing you with mark, the way he touched you made me crazy.. you're mine and only mine, understood? i can't get enough of you.." you moaned out in response, you couldn't speak, his dick making you dumb. he noticed this and chuckled, the feeling sending another wave of pleasure throughout you as you whimper, "hyuck.."
"hm? what's that baby? did you say something or have i fucked you dumb enough already?" he pulls your hair, pressing you up against his chest as he left small marks on your neck. "don't want you with anyone else.. swore i wouldn't like you but i ended up liking you anyway, didn't i?" he panted out, and you just let out a small whine, "hyuck.. please, can't last any longer.."
"wait until i'm gonna cum baby - won't be much longer, promise.. you feel so good, feel you clenching around me. listen to me and be a good girl, yeah? like you and this pretty pussy so much." he noticed your eyes closing and he tapped your cheek with his free hand, "come on baby, pay attention." he smirked. he moved it down to your clit, rubbing harsh circles.
you couldn't hold back, you shuddered as you felt your climax releasing on his dick, he groaned and let out a small whine, his dick twitching inside of you as he released. he muttered out that he couldn't help but like you, you're perfect for him. he rode you through your high before pulling out and staring at your fucked out state.
"fuck.." he whispered as he grabbed a towel from his dresser, cleaning you up and laying you comfortably on his bed. he always took such good care of you after he was rough, giving you princess treatment.
"hyuck?" you ask softly as he looked at you, "mm-hmm?"
"do you really like me? i'm not just someone you're messing with?" "we'll talk about this tomorrow when you're tired, okay?" he responded and you just replied with a nod. he shuffled into his bed beside you, pulling you closer by your waist and pressing your body against his, "promise i'll tell you how i really feel, 'kay?"
#haechan ₊˚⊹♡₊#nct dream x reader#haechan x reader#haechan smut#haechan x reader smut#donghyuck x reader#donghyuck x reader smut#lee donghyuck smut#lee haechan smut#donghyuck smut#lee donghyuck x reader#nct dream smut#nct dream x reader smut
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ASK COMPILATION #385032: Shape-shifting genitals, mouth-mashing skillsets, who taps out first in the bedroom and the 17 different types of meat this guy eats.
I TRIED TO MAKE THIS A BIG ONE. Thank you everybody for your patience!
The truth of the matter is that I need one dramatic light-source or I will perish. HOWEVER...
Yeah, they seem the type to leave it purposefully ajar for the thrill of it. As well as the excuse to bring hell down upon anyone caught trying to steal a peek.
YES, actually! I've had the concept for a comic or two that's precisely about interactions they've had while younger. Comics take a lot of work, and there's a LOT of things I want to do, but that is definitely in the plans.
Yes! Or rather, as a shapeshifter, I believe she doesn't bother with them 99% of the time, possibly never, even though she has the habitability to form them if she so wished. The Orin DU drow knew was always doll-like in appearance when nude, and he did not particularly mind it or fantasized about anything different.
I believe this is both a preference in Orin's part (and across many shapeshifters, if I recall correctly) as well as a strategic choice.
And thank you so much!
[MORE BELOW THE CUT]
I don't know, kissing isn't that hard LOL I think they're pretty even-leveled in technique but Astarion is the tonguier one.
ALL IN DUE TIME, MY FRIEND, ALL IN DUE TIME...
Maybe 😊 🤫though I'm not sure how useful his powers would be in that context.
That said, Indeed! The irony of this match isn't lost on anyone. I'm sure Astarion would have some thoughts about the convenience of it.
I know this is more of a jokey message, but I don't think Astarion would be cool with that sort of thing, and DU drow most definitely wouldn't ask 😂
Whatever works, as he would probably say!
Astarion got drunk through DU drow on occasion while he still fed on him, yes LOL I don't care if that makes sense or not, It's a hysterical concept and definitely factual in my canon. To be fair as well, DU drow is a huge man and has to drink a LOT to get properly wasted - so Astarion wouldn't have to consume a whole lot from him to get on a similar level!
Post a few particular post-campaign events, Astarion gets drunk through strangers' blood that were either piss-drunk already or have been fed alcohol forcibly by the pair.
He likes thick stews, braised pork, and meat-pies the most. Don't ask me when or why I've decided this but he likes octupi as a every-once-in-a-while treat - I think he mostly enjoys the experience of eating it more than the taste.
For drinks, he likes beer, red semi-dry wine, and mead the most. He also likes a GOOD whisky - none of the copper-coin garbage they serve at most Inns.
Hi! Incredible question. DU drow can go indefinitely but when he stops he knocks out in record speed. There usually comes a point where Astarion flops over and lets him do all the work.
You know how, shortly after you find out about it, if you tell Astarion that you're frightened of your origins you get that really heartfelt bit of dialogue about how yourself and him are so much alike, and how he feels similarly powerless before Cazador as you do toward your father? Well, I never got that, because DU drow was too busy squinting into the horizon and contemplating the logistics of his conception which prompts Astarion to, essentially, say something along the lines of "Okay, if all you want to do is discuss your dad's cum I'm out"
So, like that.
They didn't smash in the graveyard! I'm hoping to either write a short thing about it, draw something inspired by how the scene went down in my head, or, ideally, both!
That IS kind of a wild comparison but I'm guessing you know about my origins, LOL.
Not... Quite. I'm reluctant to say more because I would like for it to be a surprise that I bring you all through art (even if you can make a pretty accurate deduction based on what has been said so far) but suffice to say that this is the flipside to the Bhaalist DU drow AU.
I don't think I could find the time 😭😭😭 but that's a hysterical idea and I would gladly mash together a bunch of clips if someone else was willing to highlight them!
Hello and thank YOU for humoring me in my nerdy little forays!
I hadn't heard about Model/Actriz but I had a little sneak-peek and, indeed, this might just be right up my alley LOL
It's hard for me to remove these characters from their intended universe so I have a difficult time picturing what they would listen to if the options didn't all sound like string-y bardcore music. I'm sure there are more genres to speak of in DnD lore, I'm just ignorant of them!
That said I do have some thoughts about which of them even enjoy music at all.
REALLY enjoys music: DU drow, Jaheira, Misc, Karlach, Wyll.
Modestly enjoys music: Gale, Shadowheart, Minthara, Halsin.
Generally doesn't enjoy music: Astarion, Lae'zel.
No notes just canonical character information being shared
I forgot what this one was in reference to for a moment and I was so aghast.
I really, really hope you weren't hoping for me to give you work-out advice because both, if you were, you've come to the wrong man.
But if you're just wondering about lore here, I think it's a solid 50/50. I think he's predisposed to a really well-built physique because Daddy Bhaal said so AND he's incredibly active and incidentally does a lot of manual labor. If he's had a few too many sedentary days in a row (which is rare) he pretty much has to tire himself through at-home routines or he goes a little cuckoo-bananas as well.
And thank you for being interested in my little freak!
He's pretty thoroughly desensitized, and thinks far too little of Orcs and half-orcs to be intimidated by them, even when that lack of fear is downright stupid. He's not impervious to fear, however, despite how hard he tries to be - Myrkhul, Grym, the giant Steelwatch, the brain, and even Cazador AFTER he snatched Astarion away were all encounters that made his blood run cold to varying degrees. I think it takes an unfamiliar foe for his sweat to run a little cold.
(Ironically, Raphael had no such effect on him.)
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Aww yay!! I'm so happy to hear that. 🥹💗
so far what I love the most about this series-verse is how, authentic and genuine dean and mila’s relationship is <3 I think maybe I mentioned it when reviewing THC but truly their love feels so sincere 🤍🤍
Omg thank you!! What an amazing compliment, and now I'm blushing. 🥰🥰 With everything these two went through in THC, I wanted their connection to feel real and natural now as they continue learning each other.
I feel like in today’s day & age relationships can be so complicated because there are too many trivial outside factors, but for them in this universe, it’s really just as simple as two people who care a lot for each other making it work. and i absolutely love that 😭💗
Oh God yes, totally agree. 🙃 And there are complications around Mila and Dean, but when it's just the two of them, Dean gets her to remember that them choosing to be together can be as simple or complicated as they allow it to be. It's a choice, day by day, working together. 💕💕
they’re so sweet to each other :’)🫶🏽 even when he puts his foot in his mouth; as soon as he made that comment when learning about the chief I shook my head lol, oh dean 😂
Ahaha he's trying his best. Oh Dean. 😝
But he's so damn charming and adorable, she can't help but let him back into her good graces.
mystery dude better back up!🤺 I do not trust that man at all so far, he gave me such a bad vibe :/ for his sake he better not try anything because not only will dean protect his wife, mila is clearly not to be messed with 🤣 which brings me back to how much I admire her strength! I love that she will speak up for what matters.
He's being sneaky about it, isn't he? 😒 But YES, if Mila doesn't mess him up first, Dean definitely will. 💞 Mila's not one to take things sitting down either.
the thought of dean getting picked on makes me so sad because it’s like, classic bullying :((( I wanna hug him so bad. especially since it’s already been so hard leaving everything and everyone he had behind — the weight of hazing & hard judgement on top of adjusting to everything new must be draining :( honestly I admire his strength too i’m glad she’s providing him with the support he deserves 🫶🏽 because yeah even though he can handle it, he shouldn’t have to ✋🏽😔
Ikr? 😭😭 Dean doesn't deserve this at all, considering how hard he's working to be respectful to their customs, but it's kind of par for the course (he's honestly lucky they let him live). It will get better for him (eventually), but you're right, it is draining for him, even if he doesn't want to admit it to Mila. She's doing her best to be his support system. 💞
also, I did not expect baby x mato but you know what, i’m here for it 😭🙂↕️
omgg I was hoping someone would like that part. 😂😂 I honestly didn't plan it when I was writing THC, but it came out when I started developing Outlander. I thought it was a cute lil' tidbit, and it's actually going to play more into the plot later. 😉💗
I'm so excited for you guys to see what's coming for this little series!!
Outlander - Part 1
Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC
Summary: Dean Winchester has been stripped of his military rank, but he’s living happier with his new wife, trying to adjust to a new life in her tribe. What will it take for her people to accept him, especially when the battle for her heart might not be completely won?
AN: Ready for some more Cowboy Dean? Here we go with Outlander Part 1! This is a sequel story directly following The Honorable Choice, where Dean not only saves the member of a Native American tribe, but falls in love with her. (She saves him a lot in return.) Now, he’ll have to learn how to live in her world if he wants to stay with her.
This sequel series will be 4 parts! 💜
Disclaimer: I first got inspired to write The Honorable Choice for @jacklesversebingo after a recent rewatch of Spirit: The Stallion of the Cimarron (with a tinge of Yellowstone in the mix). I’ve done a fair bit of research for this now ongoing series, both on the Native American Lakota tribe, and on American history during this time in the late 1800s; AKA: the Old West, during the American Indian Wars.
Jacklesverse Bingo24 Prompt: Western AU
Word Count: 5.3K
Tags/Warnings: 18+ only. Suggestiveness/implied smut and spice, hunting (in the more traditional sense), angst, hurt/comfort, and romantic fluff. **Pronunciation guide at the end!
🐎 Series Masterlist || Bingo Masterlist
Part 1: Two Worlds
Her people call this river Little Cheyenne. It’s because Big Cheyenne cuts through the land of the Sioux Indians by half, but Little Cheyenne almost meets it in the south, stretching all the way up to the Black Hills.
Mila’s tribe has always lived near this river. Its waters have bled red during battles with other tribes, and sometimes during battles with White Men.
The White Men’s fort, the one her husband came from, lies farther down in the south. The tribe had to move their village higher north along the river after Mila returned with Dean Winchester, just to be safe.
On a cloudy afternoon, Mila scrubs at a bundle of dirty clothes until they’re clean. She rinses them off in the river and is thorough about her work, but she knows she can’t be here much longer. She has a stew simmering on hot coals in her tipi…
Well, the one she now shares with her husband.
Unconsciously, she smiles. She remembers leading Dean through the tribe, to the place where she hoped he would find rest. They stopped at the foot of her tipi.
“This one’s yours?” he asked.
She paused, giving him another small smile.
“Ours.”
Mila continues scrubbing, though she frowns when her fingers slip through a tear in one of the new tunics she made for him (even though he keeps calling it a shirt). The tear was made by a blade, or maybe an arrowhead, she realizes.
The crunch of feet on the riverbed’s gravel makes her raise her head and look over her shoulder. Unease prickles down her spine. She braces herself for a familiar shadow, come to disturb her peace.
But then she relaxes. She’s being joined by two of the older women in her tribe. Mila has known them her whole life, and so she calls them tunwin. Aunt. They both greet her kindly and kneel beside her with their own bundles of clothes for washing, but Eyota, the older one, has a sharper eye. She is their tribe’s medicine woman.
“Your husband wears out his clothes,” she remarks.
“He’s been working hard training with Šóta and the other men,” Mila explains.
“He seems to be learning quickly,” says Misae. She has a more playful glint in her eyes. “Who knew that you could catch and tame a White Man. Looks like they are no different from wild horses.”
Mila smiles slightly, but it’s not genuine. She nods in agreement. “He’s learning quickly.”
She holds her tongue from saying anything else, even though she wants to. Dean isn’t a man to be tamed, any more than she was, in his people’s eyes. She aims to change the subject.
“Do you have any good herbs or spices for wahonpi? I’ve had the stew simmering all morning,” she asks Eyota. Not only is she a gifted healer, but Eyota is also one of the best cooks, and she knows it. She nods and straightens her shoulders the way she always does when someone asks her for advice—and even when they don’t ask for it.
“Of course, child. What you need is…”
“Goddamn it,” Dean huffs under his breath.
The jackrabbit flees from him again, or more accurately, from his terribly aimed arrow. He’s an excellent marksman…just not with a bow, it seems.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong here, and he’s not likely to figure it out. Not by the way Takoda, Šóta, and the other men are laughing at him.
Dean resists the urge to roll his eyes. He knows when he’s being hazed.
These men are bare-chested warriors, each of them richly tanned under the sun. Most of them wear their hair long, half of it gathered high on their heads, or braided in some way. Šóta is his wife’s cousin, and as the Chief’s son, he wears a small adornment of eagle feathers threaded into his hair. His closest friends are Takoda and Otaktay. Both of them laugh at Dean the most, and in their language, using just enough gestures and body language that Dean knows he’s being talked about. They point at his boots and his brown Stetson hat—two of the only things he’s kept of his own that make him feel comfortable in his own skin.
Finally, Šóta goes over to him. “Good try,” he says, in his usual patronizing tone.
Dean knows he can’t punch out Mila’s cousin, no matter how bad he’s asking for it. Somehow, Dean manages to hold onto his temper.
“What’re they saying?” he asks lowly, gesturing at the two chuckle brothers.
Šóta’s lips twitch. He glances down at Dean’s feet. “They say your…shoes are loud on the earth. You give yourself away before the animal even catches your scent.”
Dean’s given up a lot of things, but his boots won’t be one of them. He wants to learn. He wants to belong here, in Mila’s world, but he also wants to stay himself.
So the men move on, mounting their horses. Dean rides with Baby at a plodding clip. Her black coat ripples with a healthy sheen. He thinks she’s come to enjoy the more natural surroundings and freer pasture of the grasslands, and he can’t deny, this part of it all feels right. The sun peeks through between the dappled leaves of oak trees, painting the ground in red, green, and gold. It’s quiet and beautiful here as Šóta leads the pack through the forest, just southwest of the village.
Eventually, he stops them between a denser thatch of trees and shrub. He raises a hand signal that Dean’s come to recognize. He raises his bow belatedly after the others though. He follows Šóta’s line of vision, and there is a deer grazing in a small clearing. A young buck.
Šóta signals at Dean. Try again, his eyes say.
Dean takes in a deep, quiet breath through his nose, and he takes aim.
He really misses his damn rifle.
Dean shoulders the sting of failure while he makes his way through the camp, leading Baby by the reigns. He drops her off at the large horse pen. There he feeds her and brushes her long coat, all while murmuring soft affectionate things. She’s still one of his only friends here.
But even she leaves him short to join her new friend, Mato. The two have become thick as thieves. Mato greets the black mare with a friendly whinny. Their noses touch in affection, and Mato playfully nips at her ear.
Dean raises his brows. “Well, that’s a little more friendly than usual. You guys start courting when I wasn’t looking?”
He walks over to Mato, who’s softened up to him in recent weeks.
“You sly dog,” Dean remarks, smirking. “Didn’t even ask me for her hand.”
Mato blows a hot breath through his nose at Dean, who has to blink, wiping his face.
“Now that’s just rude.” Still, he offers the mustang an apple from his pocket. Mato takes it from his palm, letting Dean rub his neck while he munches on his snack. “As fathers-in-law go, you lucked out, pal. See? I’m a delight.”
He wouldn’t be surprised if Baby had her first foal by spring. Dean grins at the thought, but it soon falls. If only his father-in-law were so easy to please.
His mind dwells on it as he starts making his way back to the heart of the village. Chatan, Mila’s father, hasn’t warmed up to him any better than Šóta or the other men. Tahatan is the only one of them who treats Dean civilly, and overall, he seems to be a good leader.
Dean has that thought, just when he sees the older man himself walking with a woman Dean sort of recognizes. She wears a long necklace made of blue beads and seashells. Tahatan goes into her tipi, even though Dean knows…that woman isn’t the Chief’s wife.
Dean raises his brows, but he subtly pivots on his heel and takes a different route back to his own tipi. Whatever he just saw, it’s definitely not his business.
“Honey, I’m home,” he teases.
She welcomes him into her arms, her hands traveling warmly up his shoulders. He bends to kiss her, soft and slow at first. And then deeper, sucking on her lower lip and teasing her with a sensuous tongue. She hums in surprise into his mouth, making him smile.
He’s exhausted and feeling low, but he doesn’t want to let on to her. He just wants to forget about his day, and hopefully recharge with a better night.
“How did it go today?” she asks, after he allows her to breathe.
Dean nods (and lies). “Pretty good.”
She waits for him to continue. When he just continues to hold her, she raises her brows up at him.
“Dean?”
“What? I’m workin’ on archery. Lots of progress.”
She eyes him in suspicion, and he knows he doesn’t have her fooled. Actually, she looks like she’s going to press him about it, so he releases her from his hold and goes to change out of his dirty clothes to avoid her gaze.
“Hey, uh, maybe it’s none of my business, but I saw the Chief go into some other woman’s tent today. Holding hands, bedroom eyes, the whole deal,” he says while he changes. He glances back at her and waggles his brows. Mila smiles slightly.
“Did she wear her hair in a half-braid, or did she wear a necklace made of seashells?” she asks.
Dean’s surprised that she doesn’t seem surprised, but he thinks back to what he saw.
“Uh, seashells. Yeah, she wore seashells,” he says.
Mila nods. “Yes, that woman is also his…the chiefs of my people are known to take more than one wife.”
At that, Dean becomes even more surprised. He finishes dressing and leaves his boots by the tipi’s entrance. His raised brows even out into a smirk.
“Well, okay. Guess it’s good to be Chief,” he says.
Mila’s lips purse as she eyes him narrowly. She goes back to stirring the stew with a wide, wooden spoon. Dean doesn’t see her reaction, but he does notices that something’s missing from his side of the bedding. He frowns.
“Hey, where’s my gun?” He asks Mila, who shakes her head without looking at him.
“I moved it,” she curtly replies.
Dean’s frown deepens. He touches her arm to get her attention.
“I’d rather you didn’t do that, baby,” he says. He’s made sure that she knows the basics of a gun well enough, but he doesn’t want to take the chance of her hurting herself.
“Don’t leave it out, then,” she snips back. “It shouldn’t go where we sleep.”
Dean tilts his head at her. He’s a bit confused at her tone, especially because they’ve had this conversation before.
“I have it there just in case something happens at night,” he reminds her. His pistol is really just for emergencies though. There are only three bullets left in it, and he can’t exactly go shopping for more.
Dean realizes then that Mila’s mood has shifted. He approaches her from behind.
“What’s wrong, huh?” His hands find familiar purchase along the curve of her waist. He swipes her braid away and presses a kiss where her neck meets her shoulder. More teasingly, he asks, “What’d I do now?”
Mila remains tight-lipped, until she glances at him over her shoulder.
“Do you want another woman?” she asks.
It’s a simple question, but it succeeds in completely tripping him up. He blinks at her, incredulous and bewildered.
“What?”
She continues shredding another herb to put into the stew. Somehow, it makes the broth smell a bit worse.
“You seem to admire the Chief for having three wives, so you must want another one too,” she says.
Holy shit, three wives? Dean wonders. The man must be a saint. Look at the hell I’m catching with one.
He can’t help but laugh, a deep belly chuckle that does nothing to take away Mila’s ire. She glares at him now, genuinely upset, and Dean knows he’s starting to shit the bed on this one. He sobers up and raises his hands in surrender.
“Sweetheart,” he says, in a placating tone.
Despite her annoyance, she allows him to hold her again. He plies her with more tantalizing kisses along her neck. He breathes in the sweet-smelling oil she uses on her hair.
“You’re more than enough woman for me. You know that, right?” he whispers against her skin. It earns her slight shudder, and he smiles. He teases the spot just under her ear, grazing with his teeth, then soothing with his tongue. She can’t help but writhe against him a bit. It stirs a well of desire in his lower belly, especially when he squeezes her hips, pressing himself to her from behind.
She tries to remain strong as she clears her throat, no doubt feeling his growing hardness against her. She starts to blush hotly.
“It’s all I can do just to make sure you stay sweet for me,” Dean says, a hint of teasing returned to his voice.
Mila finally breaks into a laugh. She reaches back to swat him on the head, but his ministrations work. Once she manages to escape from his grasp with a teasing smile of her own, she more happily serves him a bowl of stew.
Dean smirks. Fine, he can be patient. He’ll just have to wait until dessert, then. After a moment to calm himself, he sits down on the ground beside her and brings a large spoonful of stew to his lips. There, he pauses. The strange taste that assaults his tongue nearly makes him choke, but he does his best to swallow it down. The meat’s tough as nails, for Christ’s sake…
Hearing a spoon clatter against the bowl, he chances glancing at Mila. She sits stock still, her brows furrowed as she frowns. Slowly, she sets the bowl down and says,
“Stop eating.”
She looks angry at herself. Dean feels bad for her, his sympathy striking at his chest.
“What do you mean? I’m hungry,” he says, and gamely takes another couple of bites.
She just watches him. Her upset worsens while he tries and fails to cover up a hacking cough.
Finally, Mila can stand no more. She takes the bowl from him, making some of the foul broth slosh over their hands and onto the ground. She tried to make wahonpi, one of the most basic soups in her people’s culture, made from bison, potatoes, corn, and carrots stewed in the broth.
Eyota told me it was simple! she thinks in dismay. How did it go so wrong?
“It’s no good,” she says, her voice hard. “I will go to my mother and see what she cooked. She may have extra for us.”
She rises to her feet, and Dean quickly follows her. He catches sight of her tears, even though she turns her face away from him to grab her shoes. He reaches out and stops her with a hand on her arm. He tugs her back to face him.
“Hey, it’s okay. Why’re you getting so upset?” he says. “I’m not picky. I’ll eat whatever you make.”
Or maybe next time, I’ll try doing the cooking, he thinks.
“Because!” she blurts. Tears well up in her eyes and begin to slip down her cheeks, no matter how much she tries to brush them away. “Because you shouldn’t have to eat it. Because it should be good. You deserve to eat something good!”
Mila finally realizes why her mother tried so hard to teach her these things. She’s embarrassed, feeling sorry for herself, but it’s also far worse than that. Her heart hurts knowing what Dean has gone through, and what he continues to go through for her sake. The least she could do is make sure he eats well, and it seems she can’t even do that.
“Mila,” he says with a sigh. He guides her into his embrace. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”
She can’t allow herself to be comforted. She pushes at his chest to look up at him.
“You think I don’t know what happens outside?” she says. “It’s a small village, and people talk when they think I’m not listening. I know what the men are doing to you.”
Dean shakes his head stubbornly. “It’s fine. I can handle it.”
“You should not have to,” she insists, resting a hand over his heart. “You have proven yourself to be a man of honor. Tahatan said it himself. They should not be this way.”
Dean smiles ruefully. “I can handle it.”
He bows his head and captures her lips, plying her with a deeper kiss. The heat of it grows and becomes more than a distraction, more than comfort. It strips everything else away, until it’s just the two of them again, like the night she found him at the riverbank and held him until he woke up in her arms.
What they eat doesn’t matter. Other people don’t matter. All that matters is this.
He squeezes her hips and presses her harder against him, so she can feel every part of his desire. She moans into his mouth, curling her fingers into his shirt. So he guides her down to the bedding, where he shows her what he’d rather get a taste of.
Later that evening, Mila and Dean have dinner with her parents. Her mother, Weaya, is a gracious host, treating Dean both like a guest and a proper son-in-law. She gives him a special cut of braised bison meat, not to mention extra corn and potato hash. Chatan says nothing to him and eats in gruff, stoic silence.
Dean can tell it both hurts and annoys his wife, but he has to focus on answering Weaya’s many questions about his life—mainly about his family and the farm he grew up on. In some ways, raising crops and rearing up cows, chickens, and horses there isn’t so different from the Lakota village.
“You must miss that place. Your home,” she says. Dean meets his mother-in-law’s eyes, pausing in polishing off the meat sauce on his plate with a piece of bread. Chatan looks up from his meal, and so does Mila, who hesitates too. He sees the thread of her concern there, behind her eyes, so Dean hides the stab of sadness that hits him every time he thinks of Lawrence.
“Sometimes,” he admits. He looks over at Mila. “But I’m not alone. That’s what matters.”
She smiles at him softly. Dean has the urge to take her hand, maybe raise it up to his lips, but he’ll leave that for when they’re alone. He doesn’t want to upset her father any more than he has just by sitting in Chatan’s house. Tent…whatever.
He’s glad when, after almost another hour and a round of hot tea, Mila finishes chatting with her mother and stands. It means they can finally get the hell out of here. No disrespect to her parents, but with so much change happening so quickly, Dean had been able to put Lawrence out of his mind for a while. Tonight he thinks about his mom and his brother more than makes him comfortable on their way through the village. He follows Mila inside their tipi, then starts up a candle while she gets ready to rest for the evening.
Living here is like going back in time—before the lantern, before indoor plumbing and the water heater. It’s not a huge hardship for Dean, who’s spent a lot of his life sleeping on hard, dusty ground, or military bases with less than most modern amenities, but it’s still another adjustment.
He undresses down to his pants and settles down to the bedding and furs, waiting for his wife. She kneels beside him after undressing down to just her shift. He lays on his back with an arm tucked behind his head, and he watches her unbind her long, dark hair, undoing the braid from the bottom strands. She has this concentrated look on her face, like her mind is far away, even though she’s right here next to him. He threads his fingers through her loose hair while she works, giving her a smile.
“You okay?” he asks.
Mila pauses. She lets her tresses escape from her fingers and reaches for him, laying her hand on his chest. Dean holds it there and finally allows himself to press a kiss into her palm.
I’m sorry, is what she wants to say, but she knows he’ll only reply, For what?
So she lowers down and slips into his warm embrace, as if this can make them both forget the day. She rests her cheek over his beating heart.
“You will never be alone,” she promises.
Dean quirks a smile. Instead of answering, he brushes her cheek tenderly with his hand, and he closes his eyes. A few deep breaths later, and he finds sleep.
The candle slowly flickers out.
On most nights, Mila falls asleep before Dean, and so his light snores don’t bother her. Tonight, even though she’s tried, she can’t tune out his rumbles. Or maybe it’s her own mind she can’t tune out.
She carefully maneuvers out of his hold and slips on her shoes. Maybe the moon will give her clarity tonight.
She pushes open the front flap of the tent and steps out into the cooler air. She looks up at the moon’s white-blue glow, a wide crescent peeking out from between two large clouds. A strong breeze tugs at her hair and flutters her lashes when she closes her eyes. She crosses her arms when goosebumps spread across her tan skin.
“What troubles you, Kimmímila?”
The voice is steady and male, and all too familiar. Still, the intrusion startles her. Her eyes fly open wide and she jolts, inhaling sharply. She frowns when she realizes it’s him.
“What are you doing? It’s late,” she says.
He steps out from the shadows with his pipe in hand. He smells strongly of tobacco. Her father and uncle smoke as well, but she doesn’t like it herself. She’s glad Dean doesn’t either.
“Easing my mind,” he says, raising his pipe. “I see you’re up to the same thing.”
Mila shakes her head. She returns her attention to the moon. “Go. You shouldn’t be here.”
“Are we not friends, Mila?” he says. “Can’t we talk and share like we used to?”
His voice is disheartened enough that it earns her gaze. She sighs at him.
“I am sorry, but I can’t give you what you want,” she says. “Don’t test me anymore.”
He pauses with his pipe in hand. It drops to his side, and he takes measured steps closer, until he’s looking down at her. Even with the litheness of his form, he’s still taller and broader than her. His long, dark hair is half pulled onto the top of his head, threaded together with a beaded leather string she made for him when they were children. He has used it ever since. The rest of his hair lays loose down his back, brushing his arms.
“If you actually loved him, it wouldn’t be a test,” he teases.
He tries to touch her cheek, but she guides his hand down. She shakes her head and steps away from him.
“This isn’t a game,” she says. “You know I mean what I say.”
His anger and frustration surfaces, with a sharp exhale of breath and the crunch of his dark brows.
“You would choose the Outlander over your own people,” he accuses.
Mila’s gaze is firm as she heads back to her tipi. If he will not be reasonable, then she will make it clear enough to hurt.
“I choose him over you,” she says.
Then, she slips back inside.
The shadow outside remains, just long enough for the moon to become clear past the moving clouds.
In the morning, Mila goes to her uncle, Chief Tahatan. She finds her parents there in his tipi as well, all of them sharing breakfast. Her aunt passes around more bread and wojapi, a sweet mixed berry sauce, while her father is resting a broken ankle. He’s complaining again, even though it happened over a week ago now.
“If you hadn’t let the horse buck you off, you wouldn’t be hurting,” she says sharply now. She’s become annoyed with his griping. “Or better yet, you can finally admit that you’re beyond the years of breaking young stallions.”
Chatan is the Horsemaster of their tribe, and has been since Mila was a little girl, inheriting the position from her great uncle, the former chief’s younger brother. Mila knows, however, that Chatan is getting too old to do the harder work. Many years have meant many battles too, and they’ve taken their toll on his bones.
An idea grows in her mind, and she goes to sit beside her father. She applies the poultice Eyota gives Weaya for him, before rewrapping his ankle.
“Father,” she begins, imploring him gently, “perhaps Dean could help you care for the horses.”
Chatan eyes her with a frown. “Your husband already has his hands filled with training.”
“Šóta and Takoda can’t do it all themselves, and Dean has experience with breaking young horses,” she reasons.
Chatan ignores her and hefts himself to his feet without her or his wife’s help. He leaves with her mother on his heels, even though she looks back at her daughter apologetically. You know your father, her eyes say.
Mila frowns at his back, both frustrated and upset. When they’re gone, she heaves a sigh. She remains determined though.
She goes to Chief Tahatan next. He sits in his chair of whicker and wood while he smokes his pipe. Her aunt has gone to help the other women harvesting chokeberries and wild onions. Mila will go there soon, but first, she has business here.
“Uncle,” she says.
He makes a sound of acknowledgement, crossed between a grunt and a groan. He knows what's coming. She kneels at his feet and touches his hand in a sign of humbleness, reverence, and familial love all at once.
“Uncle,” she repeats. “Dean has done nothing but try to please Father, but still, he’s being stubborn…will you talk to him? Please?”
Tahatan sighs deeply. “You must understand your father, child. The decision you’ve made affects us all.”
“I do understand, Uncle. But the truth of it is, none of you have given Dean a chance to prove himself.”
“His chance is right now,” Tahatan says, his tone more stern. “Have I not been gracious? Did I not allow him to stay and live among us?”
“Yes, but you continue to judge him in your mind, like everyone else,” she says. The Chief remains quiet. She moves to stand before him, holding his gaze directly. “Let us perform the Huŋkápi.”
Huŋkápi. The Making of Relatives. Her people first created the tradition to make peace between Lakota and rival tribes, like the Ree. It can even be used to unite extended families within the tribe, especially in times of marriage. There is no better time for it, she thinks.
The Chief shakes his head. “Kimmímila.”
“Is he not my husband?” she says. “In the eyes of our people, this is the joining of two families, and accepting an outsider into our tribe. That is exactly what the ceremony is for.”
“He has no family,” Tahatan snaps. “It is not exactly the tradition.”
“Then let us make it new,” she argues.
Tahatan hesitates. He shakes his head and rubs at his chin in a gesture of long-suffering. He thanks the spirits that he never had daughters. While he loves his niece, he has never envied his brother.
“I will think on it,” he says.
Mila frowns, but she tries her best to accept this, for now. She thanks him respectfully and leans in to kiss his cheek. Tahatan grunts an acknowledgement and watches her go with another shake of his head, despite a small smile. Between her and his sons, they will keep adding years to his life.
On her way out of the Chief’s tipi, she runs into her cousin, Šóta. He walks with all the comfortable cockiness of a rooster among his harem.
“Good morning, sister,” he greets, even as he playfully pulls at her braid and tosses it into her face.
She flicks it away and meets him with an irritated frown. She’s in no mood to be teased, especially by him. “You’re still a child.”
“Ho-ho, hey now,” he chuckles, and he cuts off her path by standing in her way, crossing his arms. “Watch it. When I become Chief, don’t think I’ll let you talk to me so disrespectfully, my sister.”
“Just because you will be Chief one day does not make you wise,” she says. Her voice is as sharp as the snap of a blackberry vine. “And don’t call me sister. You have lost that right.”
Šóta finally becomes serious; he realizes that she means what she says.
“What are you talking about? What have I done?” he asks, more earnestly.
“It’s what you haven’t done,” Mila snaps. “If you were a good leader, you would take your father’s words to heart when he accepted my husband into our tribe. If you were my brother, you wouldn’t let the men mock him. If you were a man at all, you would do what is right. You would be guiding him right now, instead of letting the others ‘train’ him.”
She storms away from him, leaving Šóta feeling irritated, but also with an uncomfortable feeling beginning to churn in his gut.
Mila moves brusquely through the camp until she reaches the clearing edged by the forest. There the horses are fenced in. They’ve been given their food and water for the morning, so they’re rather frisky as they clop around and graze.
She looks for Mato. Baby is no doubt with Dean today, so the Kiger mustang keeps to himself underneath a large sycamore tree. His tail flicks when she approaches, and he turns to her with a sound of greeting. She allows her hand to run along his dun-colored coat as she draws closer.
“I need you, my friend,” she whispers.
She holds his snout, pressing her forehead against his as she squeezes her eyes shut against the burn of frustrated tears. Mato bumps her shoulder with his nose, softly whinnying. She smiles, sniffling, and rubs his cheek.
“Let’s go for a ride.”
AN: Well, here we go! Sorry for ending on some angst, but here we've got the pieces in motion for a fun-filled, four-part sequel. 😂💜 Dean and Mila are both struggling in their own ways while he tries to navigate this new world he's trying to live in.
And how do you think he's gonna react to the "mystery man" trying to win her back? 😬
Pronunciation Guide:
Šóta ("sho-tah") Chatan ("chat-tan") Tahatan ("ta-hat-tann") Otaktay ("ogh-tac-tay") Weaya ("we-ayy-ya") Takoda ("ta-koda") Mato ("matt-toe") Misae ("mee-sah-eh")
Next Time:
But she feels a shadow at her feet as she ventures through the village. They are getting bigger as a tribe, harder to move when they need to, and it’s more mouths to feed, but it’s also a good thing. Despite all the challenges the past few decades have brought, their people are enduring.
However, she pushes these thoughts to the back of her mind when she feels a prickling down the back of her neck. It’s followed shortly by the strong hand that closes on her wrist, and the man that calls her name.
She gasps and whips around. He is there, gently shushing her. She glares at him and tries to pull her hand out of his grip.
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(Going back to the regular Dean tag list, plus those who said they'd like to be tagged on this series!)
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I love Lore Olympus Rekindled! Speaking of, what made you decide to make this series?
Thank you!! <3
I mean, it goes without saying that the biggest reason I decided to pursue it was the same reason a lot of people read it now - I was disappointed with what LO was becoming, but I was still too in love with it to simply let it go. I know from the outside it's easy to assume that I must have always hated LO, but I didn't. I used to adore it, I read every episode as soon as it went up, talked about it with friends who also read it... and then around the trial arc, I saw the cracks beginning to form, and then the rose-colored glasses fell off entirely by the S2 finale when I truly realized that whatever I was hoping for all throughout the first two seasons was never actually going to happen. There was no earnest character development, no payoff to the questions and theories that we had had for years, no closure for the plot threads that were left hanging until they were forgotten.
I don't think past me expected everything to go exactly how they envisioned it, but I don't think they were wrong for expecting it to at least tell a story that was worth sticking around from beginning to end for. And by the end, it couldn't even manage that - there was no story, it was just a husk of what it used to be.
It was back around that S2/early S3 mark that I had the idea to actually turn my disappointment into something productive, by re-imagining the series my own way. My writing roots have always been in transformative fiction, I've always loved re-interpreting existing works into something new, and this was the first time in ages I had gotten an opportunity to do it - so after sitting on the idea for a little while (just to ensure I didn't jump headfirst into a new project in case it was a passing fancy lmao) I finally had enough of it just living in my own head (and in the discussion circles of the critical groups) and started to make it. It started off small, as all things do, but I never expected back then that it would turn into what it is now.
As much as people know me now as the chronic shit-talker of LO and Rachel Smythe, everything I put into Rekindled is for the love I used to have for LO - without that love underneath all the eventual hate and apathy, I wouldn't have been driven to create it in the first place. At the end of the day, in spite of all the shit I have to say about LO and its creator, everything that Rekindled is and will continue to be is owed to what LO used to be and what it wasn't.
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PAGLUIB
way back in like. march?? I took a stab at writing some kind of kabitserye type of story but it was a mess: it kept veering off into murder mystery drama territory because I was reading a lot of murder mystery novels around then and it Wasn't Good because I hadn't tried writing mysteries, let alone murder mysteries, before lmao
I did write a handful of short mystery stories since then, so next year I might take a stab at this idea again now that I'm no longer jumping head first into a genre pool I don't know how to swim in :)
#now for the part where i have to fight off the impulse to write in some b movie horror elements because ive been thinking about#reanimator a lot lately. ehghghh. thank god for the editing process. to wrangle my thoughts into a linear state of creating#anyway i read an article. interview? on the popularity of infidelity dramas in the philippines and it was poetry to me#and i also enjoy the really intense social melodrama in lino brocka's films. specifically the appearance of morality to cover up/justify#ugly behavior. or like. man i'm tired. whatever was going on in murder by tsismis. that's the thing. someday i'll get more into it#and post excerpts from the actual analysis of the film that actually explains the dynamic im talking around here#komiks tag#original tag#also there's some. vague lingering thought about ikaw lamang in here. not in a way that matters#but in a 'the first episode that i saw was not the first episode of the drama itself and it made me go. oh everyone has rotten vibes'#which is not. well. if you saw ikaw lamang then you know the characters. this is not the takeaway from the show. HOWEVER#i did invent a whole different show in my head between that and when the next episode aired. so.#fake ikaw lamang. ikaw lamang if it wasn't even remotely like ikaw lamang. on the topic of ikaw lamang here's a cringe story for you#still following along. BEFORE i had watched the show. i saw a notebook with franco on it but i didn't recognize the character#i just saw jake in a suit and went oh! cool! i will now Buy This!#anyway i still have the notebook lmao
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2024 was a challenging year in so many ways and I am glad to see it in the rear view mirror. I had planned to be more intentional with the goals I set, but circumstances made that difficult. I did not reevaluate this list until November, and then realized how much I wasn't able to do.
✅ Rebuild my regular writing habit I am writing more often than in previous years, and successfully posted 16 fics. I even felt confident enough to sign up as a writer for big bang for the first time.
☑️ Read 2 craft books I did not read any craft books, but I did take an 8 month long writing course that talked a lot about the craft, so I'll count that as half complete.
🚫 Finish alien!Harry fic I worked on this a bit, but progress is slow and other ideas have taken priority. This idea has been rolling around in my head since 2019 and now feels quite dated due to everything going on in the world, so it's been a struggle.
🚫 Post at least once per month on larry fanfiction I posted as often as I could, and I am proud of the work that I've done with this blog so far. Tumblr is making it very difficult to manage the blog as it keeps blocking me from editing the custom html, but I do hope to keep the blog active next year.
🚫 Finish grandma’s quilt top 🚫 Embroider the opossum art 🚫 Sew a tote bag These craft projects didn't get done. It was really hard to be creative when I was working so hard to heal this spring and summer. When I finally got home, I started a new baby quilt which is priority number one to finish, as the baby will be here soon.
✅ Visit a new museum This is always my favorite goal to complete. This year, I went to the Charles M. Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa, California. There were lots of original comics to read and the museum did a great job showing the evolution of the Peanuts. There were also several unique art pieces that paid tribute to Schulz's work, including Wrapped Snoopy House by Christo and Jeanne Claude. I was so excited to see one of their works in person, but didn't get a picture of it because the museum was about to close.
💜 2024 Goals 💜
Looking back at last year's goals, I didn't accomplish most of what I said I would do, but I am so proud of everything I did manage to accomplish, and grateful for all the experiences and friendships that made up my year. I entered a new decade a few days ago, and I've been feeling very introspective about what the next ten years could hold. In the wise words of Louis: It's not how you spend the time, it's if you waste it.
I've set goals and shared them on tumblr for several years now, but it always feels like a mad dash to finish them at the end of the year. I want to change that. So this year, my first goal is to change how I approach goal-setting. I even bought a new planner to encourage me to be more intentional. I'm not going to share all of the more personal ones here, but I'll share the fun ones!
📝 Writing/Fandom Goals:
Rebuild my regular writing habit
Read 2 craft books
Finish alien!Harry fic
Post at least once per month on larry fanfiction
🧵 Creative goals:
Finish grandma’s quilt top
Embroider the opossum art
Sew a tote bag
Visit a new museum
Thank you @kingsofeverything for tagging me! I tag (no pressure!) @allwaswell16 @hazzabeeforlou @jacaranda-bloom @enchantedlandcoffee @banaanipoika9 @ladyaj-13 @zjofierose and anyone else that wants to share!
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on a scale of 1-10 how silly would it be to ask folks to pray that I find a piece of jewelery I lost. It's not particularly valuable monetarily but its very precious to me and Im afraid I lost it outside of the house. I cant find it anywhere it should be. It could be in the pocket of the either the pajama pants or outside pants I wore the last day I saw it (the 19th) or it could be buried under something in my old bedroom, or it could be at my friend's moms house or somewhere between here and there. Trying not to stress over it but its just become precious too me.
#Its just one of those shark bracelets from one of those scam ocean charity sites#But I have used it as a grounding tool to help me focus when I need to get my head on straight so its been through a lot with me#a replacement just wouldn't be the same either plus I don't want to give more money to scam charities than they already get#and writing this out is helping me calm down about it#as Im writing I realize that I tend to freak out a lot when I realize that something precious is missing and can't chill out until I find i#and thinking about it. I know exactly where that stems from#not something I ever considered before but a lot of things precious to me got burned when I was little#and at one point I repressed the memory and would search for things that got burned up for hours because I had no idea where they went#but yeah anyway Im gonna try to chill. It'll turn up Lord willing#Im just scared I lost it in my friends old house or somewhere between here and there and I'll never see it again#I do not like it when things like that disappear I do not like it at all#I just worry about all the possible places it could be lost forever in or where it could have gotten ruined#I also just have ADHD forgetfulness so I get paranoid I left it like in a walmart bathroom or something#I know I didn't but I have almost lost things that way before#Like even if it is just gone and lost forever I just want to know where it is#merkerler speaks#prayer request#bc I am spazzy about these things#need to be careful about it bc it mirror's some of my dad's OCD tendencies
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happy wip monday bc i can't wait for wednesday
my mom brought miss rona home from a coworker after i posted the first ch of @lemon-wedges phantom au which brought everything to a halt where instead i was watching yt clips of cdrama palace intrigue. did numerous mini drafts on paper of something i thought i'd use but then decided to use later on (how did this grow from two to four planned chapters aaaaa) so now we're going in a completely new direction
also after a bit of back and forth with myself i made the Very Important Decision of having barok at a pub
#my wips#somehow i didn't test positive but still got coughs that never really went away bc weather changed so much that my lungs couldn't keep up#former asthmatic problems strike once again thanks to east coast weather#i've also been trying to trick my brain into saying fuck it let's just write self indulgent shit head empty#while every instinct wants polish and layers in every sentence#and i mean there's gonna be layers bc man did i spend a lot of the downtime researching noh plays#but maybe not everything has to be full dgs levels of crafting mysteries#i've also slowly been getting through the dunmeshi manga which is fun i'm in the ch 70s now#baroryuu
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So, what Rakha really wants to do right now is go kill the people hunting Karlach, because they don't have anything else that would qualify as a direct plan other than the creche, and the "paladins" are closer. However, I happen to know that the paladins are level five and Rakha is level 2 and could be knocked over by a stiff breeze, so I think a better bet is a more full exploration of the Emerald Grove first.
I'm guessing that this is the result of a concerted effort on Wyll and Shadowheart's part, primarily - Wyll already knows the people of the grove and Shadowheart has fixated on Halsin as a useful lead. Gale doesn't seem to have any specific plan in mind and, left to their own devices, Lae'zel would already be heading for the creche and Rakha and Karlach would be after the paladins. But between them, Shadowheart and Wyll manage to convince everyone that at least TALKING to the healer in the grove would be a useful start before everyone goes off half-cocked.
Amused because I stopped in to talk to Zevlor and got a disapproval from Wyll purely for leaving the conversation without asking the question about whether the ritual could be stopped. XD Sorry, Wyll. I swear we'll get to a point where you like Rakha, somehow, but I doubt sincerely we're there yet.
Speaking of the ritual, down we go to the grove proper - with a quick stop to talk to the teeth-ling kids.
"Whoa. Hey! Can't say I've ever seen someone like you before."
Without preamble, he shows his hands to her, empty. Then a quick flick of the wrist, and suddenly he's holding out a tarnished gold ring between his fingers.
"Go on," he says cheerfully. "Take this ring. It's lucky."
Rakha, who has very little context for anything she experiences, has never seen slight-of-hand magic done before, nor is she familiar with the concept of a con man. So she watches this little display and is immediately fascinated. Magic - but with no surge of that visible tapestry around the boy, the network of power that Gale calls the Weave.
How?
"That was a fancy trick," she says slowly.
His eyes narrow and something subtle shifts in his expression, a flash of interest. "You haven't seen anything yet, lady," he says dryly. "Go on - take the ring and watch your fortune change!"
Take the ring.
She takes it and looks at it carefully. There is no magic on the ring either, nothing that she can sense. But the boy looks up at her earnestly as he draws a coin from his pocket. "Call it! Heads or tails."
She blinks at him, puzzled by the question.
Pocket the ring.
"Hey, hold on!" the boy cries at once. "You gotta pay for that!"
She does? She withdraws the ring out of her pocket again and squints at the boy, incredibly baffled by the entire situation.
("The boy seeks to deceive you," Lae'zel says impatiently under her breath. "His magic is mundanity. The ring likely the same."
Wyll sighs. "Be kind, the both of you. He wants to show you a trick, that's all. Let him flip the coin.")
Rakha's eyes narrow. She stands there with the ring sitting on her palm and feels foolish. "It's only a joke," she says slowly after a long silence and trying to sort through the words from her companions. "Go on... flip your coin." If anything, she is curious to learn what that means.
"Real sweet sense of humor you got there, chum." The boy looks as if he's starting to regret his choice of mark, but he presses on gamely. "Anyway, you gotta call before the flip. Heads or tails."
A long pause. "Heads?" Rakha says cautiously.
The boy grins, tosses the coin in the air, catches it, and then shows her the side with the head facing up. "Heads it is!" he crows. "See? That's the kinda luck you get from just one of my lucky rings! I've got more where that came from. Real cheap, too. Interested?"
Rakha is starting to understand the situation now that she has seen it play out, and her lips twitch with irritation. [SORCERER] "If there was magic in this ring, I'd have felt it," she says bluntly. "It's nothing but junk."
The boy flinches and raises his hands defensively. "Not so loud!" he hisses. "You caught me, all right? They're not lucky rings." His eyes grow wide, his expression twisting with sudden, exaggerated pathos. "I'm just... trying to earn money for my family," he whimpers. "My father left and my mother... she's so sick. I wish I had better things to sell than... trinkets, but it's all I have!"
Rakha squints. The shift in tone is abrupt enough that she is certain it's disingenuous and that Lae'zel is right - the boy is making a fool of her. There is nothing of value here.
Wordlessly she shoves the ring back in the boy's face.
Return the ring and leave.
#bjk plays bg3 durge#rakha the dark urge#ok so fundamentally this was not like#a scene with much of a point in rakha's case :P#did give me some thinky thinks though#one reason writing rakha is proving to be interesting is that by going real deep down the you-know-nothing rabbit hole#it often ends up a smidge comedic#and there's a challenging balance to be struck between this and not making her come across like an idiot#because i don't think she is!#she's quick - given information to work with she extrapolates lots of things out of a small amount#and makes rational decisions on how to act on that information#she just has zero context for anything#especially when the situation involves slang; it's kind of fun realizing that (for instance) if you didn't know what heads or tails meant#why would you be able to guess?#tldr using this scene that went nowhere as an excuse to write meta about my own character :P#i honestly really like rakha; she strikes me as someone who is perfectly decent (when the Urge isn't taking control at least)#but blunt and almost purely rationally-driven and needs to be met on her own terms#which so far the companions have been willing to do which is nice
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Under a read more since this is kind of a story lol
Forcefully took up sewing since I urgently had to mend a DEAR treasure (2 of them) after an accident. It happened so soon after New Years I was thinking "what a terrible way to start this year!... uuuuuuu....uuuu...." and I tossed and turned all night. Cried. I furrowed my brow and thought about rolling over and just taking the loss. But impulsively I steeled myself and thought Hell No! I was experiencing despair and waded my way through it but I wouldn't let it become loss.
I resolved to go to the only fabric store I knew of to find replacement fabric and matching thread the next day. The train ride was nice. I felt so purposeful lol. A very rare occurrence in my life. I watched maybe 30 seconds of a video telling me how to sew and went WHATEVER! and went at it on some tests for 2 hours. Don't advise that but I was stressed haha. The tests weren't that good but they were good enough. I got the hang of things.
Took me about 2 nights to finish mending the first item. The fabric matched really well in color and texture so the fact my sewing was shoddy didn't show as much as I thought it would. I was satisfied. The next item.... took 4..... all nighters... it doesn't sound like much writing it down but I experienced so much frustration. Probably more frustration than I've felt in 3 years since I haven't picked up any new skills or hobbies in that time. I was just an observer before. It was so grueling.
But I surprised myself! The reason it was grueling was because I kept aiming for something better. I redid sections so many times and approached it from 4-5 different angles even if it undid hours on hours of work. The patching fabric for the second item didn't match as well (totally different material, texture, and thickness) and ended up being more decorative. I encountered new problems I didn't previously account for. I had to worm my way around a lot! And it was not fun. But my will was something that strangely surprised me. I would finish a section, look at it, and go "I won't settle for that" then restart. Id go up halfway, realize I was doing something wrong, then restart. I'd realize there was a better way of doing something, restart. I think there were 3 times last night I decided I was done but realized I wanted to redo something and I worked for an additional hour every attempt.
Again It wasn't fun in the moment! But something in the back of my head was so very happy. I knew I would come out of this being proud of what I did. That Will I experienced was honestly something I thought had atrophied outside of art! And with digital art, problems are easy to solve. Undo, copy, paste, save states, etc. I'm not holding a needle with long nails and thread that I can barely see to solve I problem I don't know anything about.
Even if the actual display of skill is fledgling, the mental hurdles I overcame made the end product feel more rewarding. I did everything I could with my level of skill and prep. While doing something middling is better than not doing it at all, I got too used to that and just started aiming for mediocrity. So overcoming that has been so very rewarding. I can't say that enough.
I wondered if this was because I've been watching jojo... nearly all the characters carry themselves with so much purpose and determination, regardless of their role in the story. I can't lie, on the train ride there I was thinking about how certain characters would persevere in situations that devastate them..! I was like.. I should too...!!
It's so funny how an objectively small project became so important to me. I've built a little more respect for myself this year! I think that's a good way to start it off.
I feel really good about myself lately
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I wrote more of those sweet yet sad bastards <33 emphasis on the sad part <33
Uh tw for slight self hatred!
Sebastian stared at the ceiling fan spin around, getting lost in thought. A dangerous thing to do when your mind is as messy as his, but he couldn't help it. He was bored and there was nothing better to do than dive into the deep end.
What was John doing right now?
Sebastian blinked at the question. The hypnotic sync his eyes had with the fan broke, making it's rotation look wrong. He lifted his hand to shield his eyes from it, feeling a bit dizzy now.
Maybe drinking tea or eating lunch. Maybe he went out for lunch too, enjoyed the nice weather. Probably wearing a nice jumper too.
He sighed, dropping his hand onto his face. The one time he would've welcomed harsher thoughts of people in the past, it had to go to John Hamish Watson.
Hopefully his bed isn't cold. Maybe he met a nice girl or fella. Maybe he's just got better heating. Either way, I hope he's warm.
He groaned now, rolling onto his side to stare out the window. It wasn't a nice view of the street at all, but it was still enjoyable. He could see birds flying from above rooftops, he could see smoke rising from chimneys.
Funny. Wishing someone is warm when I've pointed a gun at him.
Sebastian blinked then closed his eyes, huffing quietly. "It was one time. He doesn't even know." He muttered to himself, rubbing his temple. "He won't know."
Everything was quiet for a moment. He thought about taking a nap, despite the midday sun glowing in his room.
I could contact him. His email is on that stupid website. We could try again.
The blonde sat up, glancing at his phone on the nightstand. It'd be so easy to do, but he stopped himself. Getting involved with someone who was unfortunately very tied up into work was a horrid idea.
It could be for just one night. Feel good, mimic the good ol' days, sleep comfortably. I always slept better in his arms...
"God damnit," he muttered, getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom. A shower sounded nice. Maybe that stupid massage setting could steer his thoughts away from...whatever this was.
I wonder if he ever thinks of me when he-
Sebastian turned the water on blasting cold to nip that thought in the bud, biting his tongue to hold back a shriek. Too lazy to change the temperature, he dealt with the cold. Wasn't the worst shower conditions after all.
I miss him.
He started rubbing shampoo in his hair. Fruit scented; how fitting. Sebastian snorted at the irony of it. Maybe he should get a haircut soon, his hair was getting long...or grow it out again.
I miss how nice he made life seem.
He ducked his head under the water, closing his eyes. He'd gotten used to the cold water running over his body, making sure all the soap was rinsed from his hair and face before opening his eyes again.
I want to be ordinary.
"What am I, the living embodiment of that fuckin' song?" He muttered out loud, laughing at himself. "Forget that, I'm too far gone for a 'perfect soul'."
He shut the water off, snatching his towel from the rack. Army green; Jim must've thought he was being real cute with that. Regardless, he still used it to start drying off. At least it wasn't a rough towel, it didn't make his chest scars flare up.
I wanted to be with him.
Sebastian wrapped the towel around his waist, kicking his old clothes into the growing pile. He knew he had some clean comfortable clothes somewhere in his closet.
We were going to get a place together. We'd wake up and eat breakfast together.
He snatched a discarded robe. He was just getting increasingly more upset about thinking of the "what ifs" from the past and just wanted some damn sleep.
I want to be ordinary with him. No one else. Just him. He makes it look so lovely.
Sebastian laid down in bed, setting an alarm for the evening so he could eat dinner. The thought of contacting John came back to mind, this time the impulsiveness winning.
"Hey, It's Moran. Found out you've got a blog, wanted to get in touch. Hope life's been treating you well. -Bastian."
He reread the email too many times before hitting send and flinging his phone away. There was enough damage done to the blasted thing, getting thrown onto either the floor or nightstand couldn't hurt.
He makes the mundane look like art. Reading the newspaper, eating breakfast, setting alarms. He's a masterpiece. And I'm...not.
What a lovely train of thought to start drifting asleep to. Not the worst, of course, but not any better. Sebastian wrapped the blankets tightly around himself, burying half his face into the plush pillow.
I'm the paper used to test colored. Dried paint peeling off, colors that didn't work out staying around. The smell of expired paint soaking through. Used over and over, yet never discarded. I still have use. I still have blank spaces that can test a color.
Poetic self hatred. That was new. A bit nicer than the aggressive repeated words that would only stop after a bottle or two. Still hurt like a knife to think, of course.
Sebastian shut his eyes tightly. Trying to think of anything; some show he had seen recently, his favorite song, the stars. But no, it always circled back to John.
He'd listen to me talk about the stars. Listen for hours, to the point we'd both be exhausted the next day. Poor bastard must've really liked me to lose sleep over listening about the story of Orion or the difference between the Big and Little Dipper.
That got a chuckle from Sebastian, shaking his head a little. He missed being the bright eyed idiot that would talk about the stars with whoever listened. He was still an idiot, but didn't have the bright eyes and talked about the stars with whoever was closest emotionally.
I want to tell him about Canes Venatici and explain the different types of moons to him. Super moons, blood moons, blue moons...
Sappy. At least he was still a sap. He was starting to drift asleep, hearing the notification sound from his discarded phone but too tired to check it out.
I want to know if his eyes still shine when he smiles. I want to know if he still hates the smell of cinnamon but loves the taste. I want to know if he still remembers what I told him about the galaxy. I want to know if he ever thinks of me when he smells cigarette smoke.
Another notification sounded as he finally fell asleep, comfortable in the blanket tomb he made for himself. He didn't dream of anything special. The stars, mostly. How they danced with each other, even when both were dead and still shining brightly. How it was just like the memories of him and John in the past. The younger versions of themselves were dead but still danced together.
...
"Sebastian! It's been a while! Life's been alright. Got a lot to tell you about, heh. We could meet up for lunch tomorrow. I live near a cafe. -J"
#johnstian#sebastian moran#john watson#i just really wanted to write seb yearning.#seb yearning is good for the soul because it can be nice and sweet or evil and messy or sad and soul destroying!#you can tell which i went with </3#'oh he's my comfort character' i say as i ruin his life#rayx writes#i did not mean for seb to take a cold shower but it's kinda funny#creep by radiohead did start playing in my head as i wrote this fun fact#tw self hatred#IF YOU SAW THIS POSTED BEFORE I FINISHED NO YOU DIDN'T#i've also realized i use the comparison of art quite a lot with seb.#describing his scars/body as art. him viewing his partner(s) as art. the fact that alex is an artist belongs here too
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i love final fantasy.
#🌙.rambles#like. uh. mostly ffxiv rn i just can't think straight bcs i just love ffxiv too much fuck but#other ffs too 😭😭 i was looking through some of my notes again n. i'm. it. IT MADE ME SO HAPPY#like yk those twt stuff from sqex or wtvr. i love squall n rinoa sm n then tidus n yuna n then#THE REST OF THEM N#n. w ff7 uh. fuck the fanwars just enjoy what you like i hate how ppl put others down. those adults can't even be mature or open-minded#n it's so disappointing but uh that aside! personally. this is for me okay. i just have a certain fondness of ships w aerith#no i don't want to talk abt ships but i didn't want to say this following thing without some context 💀#nah okay here i don't have super strong feelings abt any of those ff7 ships but i do like the charas n the tropes#like. i like the ones w aerith more in general bcs yk she's just. gentle. i like her 🥺 but i relate to tifa quite a lot actually#OH. I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAMBLE ABT THAT WAIT#w tifa just made me rmb along w. smth in shb made me think of hehe. yk w the wol w the uh.. spoilers but smth Bad happens#i'm gna go off-topic again if i talk about emet-selch in those scenes. bro the love he has for azem n hyth n. amaurot n how he#all those. lonely thousand of years n. remembering.. 🥹 n then the honesty w the wol n he#he. hdkafjsdlkf his va's rlly did well w him n the writing made me love him so much his character's so dear to me#wait. i went off-topic again. oh w smth that happens to the wol. like w wol n the tifa can i just have a dream too of like. being saved#like no ultimately i'll save myself but c'monnnn just once 🥺#writing the word once just always reminds me of zack fair damn hdlfkajsdfk one of my favs too hehe#head in hands i'm still so proud of alphi's chara development. n then. yk w thancred n minfilia n ryne.#n that talk w minfilia n ryne. hit. too personal. i remember. oh my god#alr i've just been rambling as i always have but atp i don't know what i'm writing abt anymore help#🥹🫶🏼 just love ffxiv so much fr. like not just ffxiv but yk what i mean. uwahh what a relief to. feel like this again at least#still stressed i just wna get that essay asap tho 😭 but yk it's lovely at least i'm rlly happy i remember again.#ffxiv's always. helped guide me in a way to rmb myself. so. please. please just listen to ffxiv's ost fr.
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Hmm tomorrow will be a tad awkward....
#it's [redacted]'s birthday so that means I'll probably try to visit her#should write a letter to burn#so it'll reach her#ashes to ashes and all that#but it's like an hour away with the bus is the problem so if I try to get there I'll probably not manage to do much else that day#and I might need the time to study for an exam because starting one day before the thing is a RISKY move#especially in politics class where you probably need like. understanding of constitutions and stuff#it really depends on if I catch a bus there and on if I can catch one back#it's weird really i didn't know you could feel the presence of an absence#we aren't even that close I'm not sure if I'm allowed to act like this#it's just really weird to think about that if things had gone differently we probably would've been a lot closer by now#because I hang out with her close friend group#it's always a bit strange when they start reminiscing and I sit there nodding not really able to contribute a lot#we had that one time we went to the store in at like seven in the evening just the three of us and#i decided to play on the swing of the local playground which was on the way there#and she used to call me a shitty utilitarian I'm also counting that one because there's not much else really. some offhanded conversations#in class and on school trips too#it's weird that she left because I'm not sure if I'm allowed to grieve that or not#we weren't close but we were good i don't know if we were on the line of a friendish something but it feels a little like it#if she had stayed we would've been a lot closer now and I just have that running through my head like a broken record whenever she comes up#not close close#but good with each other#by associations you know?#not that it matters much now anyways whats done was done and there's no going back#thats what happens when you spiral and make a really really bad decision and have success with it and now everyone around you gets to#idk. nobody really gets ti anything. the show went on the world is still moving just the same it's just different sometimes now#haunts the narrative like a ghost fr it's insane at some point it comes up#it was back in April and it still regularly come up in some conversations#wild#personal
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