#and your priority in a battle against a literal god is to make a dragon out of fire

[schwirrymartz]

During my FMAB rewatch I noticed that Mustang's flames take the form of a dragon in the final battle. And we know that he has (full?) control over his flames, so it was his conscious decision to make a giant dragon no one really saw because everyone was too busy hiding. Show-off.

[partycatty]

anything with Lord Raiden.... please.... GILF fuckers need something 😞

lord raiden > you unwind me

raiden can't seem to control himself... only when you're around.

warnings: idk it's kinda mushy ig, possibly ooc raiden. i played 8-12 and yet for some reason he's one of the hardest characters to recreate on paper.

notes: not stopping til we can power all of chicago.

[ masterlist ]

• you can't say you didn't notice how touchy he was, i mean, it was considerably obvious considering the distance he kept from the others.

• hands behind his back, posture straight, eyes down and concealed by the width of his hat. he was an enigma, yet you somehow made him twitch like no other.

• he was visibly unsettled around you, falling quiet with tight lips or even stuttering over his words momentarily before forgetting his mortal crowd.

• "if we were to attack from the northern border—" raiden's thick arm stretched past you, just barely brushing against your arm but his towering form sending warmth down your back.

• "excellent observation," his hand would fall to your shoulder, squeezing tight. you've had to pull away before his nails dig in on several occasions.

• "your form is off," the telltale indication of flirting in most men, his large hands on your hips as he corrects your mistakes in the thickest silence you've ever been in. jesus, does he even breathe?

• the smoky air of netherrealm flooded your senses, making you lose your momentum in the siege. raiden would often check on you from a distance as he obliterated demons and the like, but when he noticed a flying creature honing in on your position, he quickly teleported to your side and pulled you in close, teleporting you elsewhere on the battlefield. your body was significantly more... mortal than his. and with his incredible form, you were no more than chest height. the rest of the battle was a hot blur.

• you have also been a victim of electrocutions on multiple occasions, to the point where you almost had to host an intervention. he was so on edge around you, for a reason you couldn't pinpoint.

• "lord raiden," you welcomed yourself into the room with a bow, holding a metallic item he requested you retrieve. "i have the—" as he reaches out to grab whatever it was, the current from his fingertips reaches what felt like your entire nervous system and you jolted, yelping at the sudden shock.

• you'd walk into the surveillance room, hoping for an update on the spy cameras assembled at the black dragon's hideout. while it wasn't even raiden's priority, you observe that he stuck around anyway. you were dressed more down than unusual, relishing in the cool air on a hot summer day with a tank top with your work pants. when raiden locks eyes with you, the surveillance monitors go haywire, eventually blue screening. everyone knows who to blame.

• you can't really say you're opposed to it, either. he was a large man that was good with his hands, well-spoken, mature, what wasn't to like? he was the perfect eye candy during debriefings, though you knew better than to act on your little crush.

• "not sure what sparky's issue is over there," johnny murmured, pointing a thumb in raiden's direction. you both glance over, realizing raiden was quite literally doing nothing but standing there pretending to be useful. "he's short circuited more times than i can count in the last week alone. do you know how many monitors we've had to replace?"

• "it's hard being a protector of an entire realm," you attempt to justify his behavior. "you should talk to him."

• "yeah, because the god of thunder needs a therapist," johnny sarcastically chuckled, crossing his arms. "you give it a shot. he likes you."

• "he likes all of us," you defend yourself. "that's kind of his job." johnny shoots you a knowing look before turning to find cassie. you decide to take the moment of rare silence in the special forces to approach raiden with casual intent.

• "lord raiden," you smile politely, lowering your head for a moment. "on behalf of the special forces, i'd like to have a word with you." he gives you a hum of agreement, yet he's the one that grabs your arm and pulls you aside, out of earshot of others. he locks the door behind him as you two stand in the hallway.

• "er..." you feel yourself beginning to sweat, the seven foot tall man stares blankly at you, jaw clenched and arms crossed as he awaits your words. "i... we... have noticed a significant number of incidents pertaining to you or your powers. we were just wondering if everything is alright, and if you need anything, we—"

• "that is more than enough," raiden holds a hand out at you, and you swallow thickly as he uses your full name. a thunder god is not someone to be in trouble with. he pauses for a long time, eyes darting between yours. his lips part as he struggles to articulate his thoughts. "though i must admit i agree with your observations. i have been... unwound as of late."

• "unwound?" you repeat, perplexed at his wording. "is there something wrong, lord raiden?"

• he hums for a moment, lowering his head. "you will have to forgive me." your heart flutters at his usage of you, rather than the SF.

• "i do," your voice lowers into a more gentle tone and you feel the human urge to place a comforting hand on his arm. when you try, though, you feel your hairs raise up the closer you get. "sorry." as you pull away, a flush to your cheeks, raiden grabs your hand and squeezes it a little too tightly. that funny feeling disappears, and is replaced by a new one.

• "i have been earthrealm's protector for billions of years," he starts after a long pause. "i have seen the horrors afflicted by corrupted gods, i have taken part in the bloodiest battles of mankind. i have gained it all, and lost it all."

• you're stone still, wondering where he's going with this sudden burst.

• "but nothing... nothing," he squeezes even harder. "has torn me apart, piece by piece, more than one... little mortal." the glow of his eyes feels like it burns into yours as your cheeks heat up.

• "i feel as if i have known for since the dawn of time," he confesses, his face eerily still. "you'll have to forgive my bluntness. this is not my strong suit."

• "what isn't?" you had a feeling, but you needed to hear it to be sure.

• "...feelings, i suppose," he averts his gaze, clearly turmoiled by this realization. "it's you. you unwind me."

• "...me?" you reply incredulously. sure, you liked him, but what the hell do you do when a thunder god confesses to you? "you like me?"

• "if that is how you choose to word it, then yes."

• "oh." your eyes focus on his hand enveloping yours so easily. it's a few moments before he tugs ever so slightly, and the static feeling returns to your skin.

• "forgive me," he insists again, a wave of shame overtaking him. "i suppose it was a ridiculous ask of you to return those feelings. i would advise for you to for—"

• "i like you, too," you mutter, never once envisioning the time where you'd have to say such a thing. "i just didn't... expect it from you."

• raiden never smiles, as kind of a man as he is. you had maybe seen it once or twice, but it never quite reached his eyes. this time, however, he was glowing more so than usual as his lips curled upward. at first, it looked strange on him, but it quickly warmed your heart to know that you struck a chord in him.

• "that... brings me joy," he admits, and you can tell he's physically restraining himself from a full-on grin.

• well, what now? you two fall silent for a moment, electricity (for once, not real electricity) coursing through your veins as you relish in the moment. you wonder if he's waiting for a kiss, or for you to say something. these internal questions are answered when he takes a step closer, looming over your figure. his hands can't quite figure out where to land, eventually settling on the sides of your face. he drinks in every detail, every crease and flutter of color in your eyes like he just might forget if he looks away.

• you raise yourself on your tippy toes, eyes flicking between his glowing pupils to his lips. just as you decide to close your eyes and move in for a kiss, you feel him physically pull you away.

• "not here," he gently insists, dropping his hands to slide down your arms and hold yours. "i would rather it be memorable."

• "i'm sure it'll be memorable anywhere," you insist, almost feeling desperate for a kiss from him. you wonder if it'll feel staticky. "if it's with you, i mean."

• "you're too kind," he runs his thumbs over your knuckles. "we have time, my dear. all the time we need."

• raiden wanted to take it slow, you assume. who knows when the last time he had feelings was, or if ever. mutually agreeing to keep things under wraps, you shake your giddy feelings and reenter the room with your coworkers, glancing up at raiden. his lip twitches though his face is stoic as always.

• "did he take it well?" johnny asks in a low voice. "or did he strike you down, or something?"

• "...he's fine," you try to wave it off, sweating at your temples. "peachy, actually."

• your eyes find raiden again, standing across the room. this time, he's not pretending to do anything. he's just staring back with a friendlier glint within the glow.

• "he seems in better spirits," johnny shrugs as he follows your gaze. "told you he liked you."

• "i guess you did."

[curechocolattymilk]

TES V OC Thingie

[Got tagged by @jessaryss​ ! ]

Pause your game! Wherever your OC is in their game currently, tell me about their story so far.

✧✧✧ General

Current Level: 56

Name: Jeer-Tei Perdes

Name Meaning: Literally got it from a name generator lol. But lore wise it was a name gifted to them in honor of an Argonian who served beside Tei’s mother during the Great War

Pronouns: They/Them

Age: Early 30s where they are story wise???

Race(s): Argonian

Place of Origin: Hammerfell

Pick A Theme Song For Them: oof that's tough... From a Crowded Wound or maybe even Firstwake? If you really played around w personal interpretation/the lyrics that is haha

✧✧✧ Locations

Where Did You Begin Their Game?: Argonian Assemblage, Windhelm (Alternative Start)

Where Are They Currently In Your Game?: Whiterun

What Are They Doing There?: Just finished attending a party held in their honor (Post Blood of Kings)

Homes?: Breezehome, Proudspire, Lakeview & Autmnwatch

# of Locations Discovered?: 274

Dungeons Cleared: 104

Misc. Quests Completed: 87

Favorite Areas and/or Locations: Falkreath / Lakewview Manor. Both areas are where Tei heads off to in order to collect their thoughts/feel some sense of calm.

✧✧✧ Main Quest

Are They Dragonborn / Do They Know It At This Point?: Yes & yes

How Do They Feel About Being Dragonborn: It's...complicated, being thrust into the role of savior by gods of the Cult, which in turn are followed by the folk who see you lesser than them. Tei already has a dislike towards the Divines, this doesn't really help lol

Main Quests Completed: 21

Where Are They In The Main Story Line: Alduin's dead, currently trying to ignore the Civil War as long as they can before the Empire forces its hand into forcing them to join their ranks

Dragon Souls Absorbed: In total overall? 147. The amount currently stored in Tei? 45

Words of Power Learned: 64

Shouts Mastered: 21

Favorite Shout: Firebreath / Dragonrend

✧✧✧ Combat

Most Used Weapon(s): Daedric war axe OR Dragonbone battle axe. Tei technically has both on them at all times during adventuring, alongside a shield, so which they used depends on the situation/which they grab fastest.

Combat Style: Two/One-handed tank. Main tactic is to rush in, cause as much damage/chaos as possible to shake up the opponent, & clean up what the ranged attackers of the party (usually Rumarin, Inigo and/or Lucien) weren't able to deal with.

Armor Type / Level In It: HEAVY ARMOR BABYYYYY (Level 100 + 35 extra points via enchantments)

# of Training Sessions: 99 in-game, lore wise its a lot of self-teaching/keeping their skills learned from Hammerfell sharp. Some of these are magic but lore-wise this doesn't happen cus Tei is not a magic user, save for shouts. I just did those in-game for exp OR so I can help Lucien raise his magic skills :'D

Who Taught Them?: In-game?? Fuuuck so many npcs. Lore-wise? They learned this from their schooling in Hammerfell, going off the canon-lore that it's p much expected for everyone to have a grasp on combat & weaponry! Though they did learn a few things from Kaidan & Anum-La.

Favorite Enemy Type: Dragons! Despite the fact Tei does not have the best magic resistance, it's one hell of a challenge they love to meet.

Least Favorite Enemy Type: Automatons, because of a bad experience with them as a child. Also Undead, because they were raised not to disturb them & it just feels so wrong having to fight them/go into tombs.

People Killed: 945

Animals Killed: 749 (Hunterborn makes hunting fun lol)

Undead Killed: 766

Automatons Killed: 105

Daedra Killed: 136

✧✧✧ Magic

Favorite School(s): None, actually. Destruction is okay though....they guess

Most Used Spell(s): Firebreath or Dragon Aspect. Tei doesn't consider shouts spells though. It's totally different guys shut up they ain't no smelly mage gods

Spells Learned: 9 in-game, mainly due to the spells you're kinda forced to learn for some quests/the ones you automatically know

Items Enchanted: 19 (Tei technically doesn't enchant, and wont next playthrough for sure I wont give in this time >:[ )

College of Winterhold Quests Completed: 8

Where Are They At In The Questline?: Main quest is done bcus i dont like seeing unfinished quests in my journal lmao. Tei's involvement is completely different from canon though in my take. Moreso was hired as a guard for the expedition & was, unwillingly, dragged into the rest of the mess. Is not offered the Archmage position, that went straight to Tolfdir.

Opinions on Magical Guilds (Arcane University, Winterhold, Psijics, Synod, Radiant Dark, etc.): As they get older, they tolerate the guild & magic users more n more, BUT, Tei grew up in an environment that frowns upon the practice of magic, & it shows. They mainly mistrust necromancers/illusionists & still hold onto that belief that reliance on magic, especially for combat, is a weakness.

Bold words for someone with shit magic resistance.

✧✧✧ Crime

Current Gold: 10,640

How Did They Acquire Their Gold?: Odd jobs, selling a lot of the items they made/harvested from smithing & hunting (jewelers are their go-to hirers bcus Tei is great at getting things like ivory), Dwemer ruin diving (they refuse to loot the tombs), also yknow....being part of the Dark Brotherhood helps

Largest Bounty On Their Head: 11,240

For...?: Unfortunately they did not stand down when they were being falsely accused of murder in Markarth. First time Tei called down dragons (Sahrotaar, specifically, Tei managed to get command of Miraak's dragons post-Dragonborn) to absolutely smite some fools.

Current Bounty: None! They're good at not getting caught/threatening and/or bribing guards. :)

Locks Picked: 15 i think?

Jail Time: 1, Cidhna Mine

Jail Escapes: 1, teamed up w the Forsworn lol

Murders: 28

Assaults: 307....In their defense people keep getting in their way during dragon attacks

Items Stolen: 37, most of them from the nobles of Windhelm

Thieves Guild Quests Completed: N/A (wont be doing this storyline unless i cant find a mod that'll let me get the shouts locked behind it)

Dark Brotherhood Quests Completed: 20

Where Are They At In Those Questlines?: DB is completed main arc wise!

✧✧✧ Relationships

Relationship Status: Married to two lovely fellas

Current Companions: atm? none

Housecarls: Lydia & Rayya

Friends (outside of party): Zora Fair-Child, Inigo, Lucien, Anum-La, Morndas, Aela the Huntress, Nazir, Babette, Scouts-Many-Marshes, Isobel, Madesi

Children: Khash, Chases-Starlight, Ram-Ku. (going of where Tei is now - Otero & Mei come around later on in Tei's story!)

Romantic Interest(s): Kaidan & Rumarin.

Sexual Orientation:

GAY

✧✧✧ Religion

Pantheon: Yokudan, with a hint of Hircine worship in there

Patron Deity(ies): From the Yokudan pantheon: Tei mainly views HoonDing as their main patron, but also prays to/pays respect to Satakal.

They are also Hircine's champion.

Daedric Quests Completed: 3 (Hircine, Vile, Dagon - the last Tei didn't really help, moreso pissed off)

Aedric Quests Completed: 1 if you count the whole Alduin thing I guess?

How Devout Are They?: Tei is rather devout, esp to their Yokudan patrons, praying or making offerings daily. They aren't the type to really push it in your face though, but have no issues answering questions one might have.

How Do They Feel About Talos Worship?: Deep down they acknowledge & admit trying to ban worship is terrible, but....Tei also lets their bias/experience with Windhelm, the Stormcloaks & especially Ulfric kinda cloud over this. If the Nords want their old ways so damn much, why fight for a divine from the Imperial Cult? Why not go back to the actual old ways? No, this isn't about worship, not to the men leading this so-called rebellion, they just needed something other than their racist bullshit to fool the common man into throwing their lives away for the nobles sitting comfortable in their thrones.

Also during their whole thing of getting into their role of dragonborn, they get a bonus 'fuck this dude actually' towards Talos, Ysmir, whatever the fuck he calls himself. (tldr; it sucks but good luck hearing Tei say that fully)

✧✧✧ Politics

Gray-Mane or Battle-Born?: Neither, ask them again they will punch you for the love of Ruptga they get asked that every time they enter Whiterun.

Stormcloaks or Imperials?: Also neither, Tei hates em both n think they can all choke. Unfortunately they were forced to join the latter due to, yknow, calling dragons & causing massive damage in Imperial territories during isolated fits of rage and the group being more aggressive in wanting something in return for "letting it slide"....oops

Opinion on the Thalmor?: Oh absolutely despises them, they loudly complained having to work with them during the CW & would go out their way to disrupt their plans/piss them off. Sneaking was an option they did not take during the Embassy quest, if it helps paint the picture.

Opinion Of Ulfric Stormcloak?: Tei doens't say they hate people often...but they sure as hell hate Ulfric. Again, their experience in Windhelm added to this heavily, how both the Dunmer & Argonians were treated like shit, with no help whatsoever from the Jarl or guards when the local Nords targeted them. It's still up in the air if I keep this for Tei's story, but I have it where they knew Chases-Starlight's parents, who were killed. When Tei went up & demanded justice/an investigation, only to be brushed off because it "wasn't a priority," it completely destroyed what little empathy or hope they had left for Windhelm as a whole.

Opinion of The Empire?: Cowards too weak to continue fighting back against the Thalmor, in their opinion, & holds these views they grew up with even when being strong-armed into aiding them. If anything they're at least attempting to use their influence to hint towards a rebellion against the Thalmor, but the Empire could also full-on dissolve & they could give less of a shit.

Civil War Quests Completed: 0

✧✧✧ Personal

How Are They Doing? Need Some Juice? A Nap? A Hug?: The whole event of Blood of Kings has fucked with their head, to say the least. It's the starting point of Tei's eventual spiral. So uh...yeah they're not sure how they're doing everything they knew about reality was kinda challenged & they don't rlly have anyone to talk to about it so its cool, its fine, its all good.

A nap is probably needed, not sure about a hug theough they're super flinchy rn

Days Past In Game: 196

Hours of Sleep: 846

Food Items Consumed: 1833

How Many Playthroughs Have You Done With This Character: Tei actually is an older character from the 360 days so uh...maybe 5 at most? This playthrough & their S:EC one coming up when the mod releases being the main ones focusing on their story

Overall How's Your Level Of Fun: Alright I would say! I just been stepping away from Skyrim more often lately to avoid burning out from it

Must Have Mods To Play This Character (for story or other reasons): Ordinator, Wintersun Faiths, Immersive Armors, Sarcastic Player Dialogue, 3DNPC, Inigo, Lucien Flavius, Kaidan 2, Khash the Argonian, Alternative Start, Leviathan Animations, Beast Race Body Paints, Beast HHBB, Apocalypse Magic, Deadly Dragons, Growl: Werewolf Overhaul, Pronouns, uhhh....idk what else without actually listing my current modlist lmao

----

And that's it for Tei! Anyone who wants to do this go on ahead!

[kaediisarchive]

Final thoughts on the 2021 Mortal Kombat movie.

LOTS of spoilers under the cut! Do not look at this post if you don’t want to see spoilers!

And remember, this is all just my opinion. It’s not like an actual in-depth review because I’m not a film student; this is just my perspective on what I saw as a fan of this franchise.

POSITIVE

Sub-Zero and Scorpion were great. Opening fight was great.

“Eddy Tobias” namedrop lmao

I love the snow preceding Sub-Zero’s attack. Very foreboding.

Score is AWESOME. My favorite soundtrack is probably the one that plays when Sub-Zero is attacking them in the city towards the beginning.

Sonya rigging her house with a secret bunker and trap doors is smart and fits her character.

I like that the dragon logo has an integral meaning to the story.

Loved Jax vs Sub-Zero. Not mad about the origin change of Jax’s arms. I like that he had to work through his feelings of inadequacy and failure; people don’t just immediately bounce back after something that traumatic. I also like that his arcana manifests to protect Sonya rather than in the heat of battle. It shows his emotional priorities and what separates him from people like Kano who manifest their arcana in a fit of rage.

Sonya “Throw Hands on Sight” Blade lmfao. They nailed her fighting style too and I am happy.

Kano is the best thing about this movie. No competition.

Kotal reference!

Nightwolf reference!

Shang Tsung’s soul magic being black and wispy and foreshadowing Noob Saibot.

KANO DID THE HEART RIP

CHEKOV’S GNOME I’M SCREAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIINNNNGGGGGG

I love Liu Kang in this. He is 1000000% a Wholesome Boi. I like that he’s younger and unhardened and not the fully realized champion version of his character yet. Let him grow into it so it feels earned later on. I like that he’s the underdog, and I like what they’ve set up for him in the future. Also, the casting for him was perfect and they nailed his fighting style, too.

That little “the FUCK” that the Kano actor improvised(?) in the middle of Liu Kang’s lines made me laugh more than it should have. I don’t know why that moment got to me so much but it did.

I love Kung Lao. And they nailed his fighting style, too! Great to see variation that represents the characters (though there were less shining examples, which I’ll touch on later).

LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP!

Egg roll scene is best scene.

Kabal! I love his dry humor. And his voice reminds me of Duke Nukem, which I’m not mad about. It complemented his dialogue well.

Not mad about Kung Lao’s death because it was meaningful. His fatality on Nitara was sick, too.

Liu Kang taking the ribbon from Kung Lao’s hat and wearing it in his honor, giving an origin for his signature headband is FANTASTIC.

THE PIT!

FLYING BICYCLE KICKS!

LIU KANG’S DRAGON FATALITY!

SONYA’S ENERGY RINGS!

Sub-Zero was a GREAT final boss. They really built him up appropriately to make him feel like it.

Scorpion’s fatality! And his skull face!

NEUTRAL

Not sure how I feel about Sub-Zero being wholly evil and there being no involvement from Quan Chi. It’s more straight forward for sure. It makes him an interesting (and badass) character, and I’m really behind this portrayal in that he is one of the most believable characters in the movie, but I’m not sure if I like the implications for later films in how this has simplified the dynamic in the entire Shirai Ryu vs Lin Kuei plotline. Having Quan Chi be the Machiavelli was always one of my favorite MK twists. And how do we eventually end the feud now? If Bi-Han / the Lin Kuei were wholly responsible, why should Hanzo EVER make peace with Kuai Liang down the line? The complexity feels like it’s been stripped down a bit, but I do love this iteration of Sub-Zero. I truly do. That’s why this is in the neutral category and not the negative XD.

Why didn’t Jax tell Cole when he saw the mark? Why wait until his family gets attacked? Maybe he didn’t want to do it in front of his family to keep them out of it, but that ends up endangering them more. Not a gripe, just a curiosity.

Sound editing was a bit too intense at times for my taste. I have tinnitus, so...big boomy bass with very mild voices is a chore for my ears to switch between. My ears were ringing within the first twelve minutes.

Torn between “fuck you Reiko” and “Reiko deserved better”. He deserved just a little bit better, but Skarlet says “get fucked” anyway.

I don’t like the “shaky cam” used in the fight scenes. Not my cup of tea. Very hard to visually process at times.

Whatever cosmic force is picking the champions for Earthrealm is doing a shitty job at it.

Why did they change the location of the Sky Temple to a desert? Again, not a gripe, a curiosity.

“We will not see another full moon before the tournament begins” THEN WHERE IS THE TOURNAMENT BUDDY???

Not sure how I feel about the “arcana” concept. It’s an okay plot device but kinda hammy.

Kitana’s fan! But why? Why is it there? I could understand the Kotal and Nightwolf references because Sonya has been researching, but why is Kitana’s fan randomly in an Earthrealm temple? Purely cheap fanservice.

Nitara was really cool. Shame she had to die, but her death was cool and there have to be some characters that get killed off. Wish she had more screentime though; feels like another instance of fanservice just having her show up basically as a namedrop and a quick kill.

The phrase “Are you okay?” was said WAY too much in this film. So much that I actually notices how often it was said, and I usually don’t pick up on these things.

Pretty sure a camera operator fell at one point in a Sonya scene because the camera jerked around violently all of the sudden then stabilized. Whoops.

How did Sub-Zero know to take Cole’s family to the gym? WHY did he take them there?

NEGATIVE

Opening scene was awesome, but it’s emotional impact felt stunted. I feel like the order of events should have been twisted a bit. Hanzo find his wife and son should have been the big emotional climax of the scene, but it felt like a passing moment and gave him no time to mourn and no time for the impact to truly set in with me. It was an “oh no they died” moment instead of an “ OH MY GOD THEY DIED THIS IS SO FUCKED FUCK YOU SUB-ZERO” moment. I dare say that the Legacy web series did it better in spite of their lower budget and overall quality; the series of events had better pacing and gave more emotional impact because of it. I said what I fucking said don’t @ me.

Wish we got more Scorpion. I love Sanada, I love him as Scorpion, but they didn’t give us the time we needed with his character to truly get a grasp of him.

Cole Young is like white bread in a parade of decorative cakes.

Raiden, a normally passionate and protective character whose fatal flaw is that he involves himself too much in events because he cares about the people in his realm and ends up fucking things up because of it, now seems to not care in the slightest. He feels completely uninvolved save for an occasional pop in to give a nod of disapproval. I don’t like this unemotional take on one of the most emotional characters in Mortal Kombat.

Small complaint from my perspective as a martial artist but uh...”Throw your uppercut!” was a bullshit line in a bullshit scene. If you’re locked up with someone like that and the guy has his arms around your neck, you physically cannot uppercut. You cannot fit your arms between his arms because they are cinched tightly around your shoulders/neck. YOUR HEAD is between your fist + bicep and HIS HEAD. In that situation, the guy has also left his body completely unguarded, so the most logical thing to do since you CANNOT reach his head is to go for BODY BLOWS. Beat him until he lets go to protect himself, catch his floating rib with double strikes, or punch the dude in his fucking liver as hard as you can to DROP HIM. Cole is supposed to be an experienced fighter, yet he makes one of the most rookie mistakes a fighter could ever make. Normally I wouldn’t care to point out mistakes in fight choreography or whatever because it’s MK and I expect ridiculousness, but this is the WRONG kind of ridiculous. It’s just NONSENSE.

I have SO MANY issues with Mileena. I’ll make this as short as I can. I don’t like the design of her mouth. I don’t like her weird stacked voice. She shows NO personality, not in her acting or even her fighting style, just an evil minion that got angry because she almost got her ass kicked. The turned one of the principle characters of the entire franchise and a fan favorite into a GRUNT. There is NO mention of Kitana outside of literal “fan”-service. Not even a reference to one of the most important plotlines in all of Mortal Kombat. And then they KILL HER OFF!!! When they do inevitably bring in Kitana WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO DO SINCE THEY KILLED OFF MILEENA???? I’m heated and biased and they did my girl dirty.

Speaking of doing characters dirty, poor Reptile. They turned him into an actual animal. What a waste.

Why are they so mean to Sonya if she doesn’t have a mark? She wouldn’t be as much of a “liability” if they would take the time to prepare her and teach her how to defend against fighters that have unlocked their arcana. Mind-numbingly stupid logic.

This movie relies A LOT on prerequisite knowledge to work. It’s like they want fans to fill in the blanks for them. But not everyone watching is already a fan; this isn’t an obscure release, this is a blockbuster movie released worldwide. These gaps in lore and prior knowledge don’t make sense for such a broad audience.

Cole Young literally could have just been Johnny Cage.

Where was Raiden when his temple was being assaulted?

Cole’s arcana is LITERAL PLOT ARMOR IM FUCKING DONE

No but for real that’s the most boring decision they just ripped off Jax’s MK11 heater effect and Baraka’s blades (I know they’re tonfa and they aren’t attached and I DON’T CARE). Also, now he’s suddenly good at fighting again? After being dog shit this entire movie??? And tanks Goro?????

If Raiden is an Elder God in this continuity, why is he allowed to help Earthrealm AT ALL? It seems like favoritism and bends the rules that the Elder Gods are supposedly bound by way too much. They really just shouldn’t have made him an Elder God; I honestly think they just said it to introduce the concept without a fuck given towards the actual lore of the Elder Gods.

WHY DID RAIDEN TELEPORT KANO TO SONYA’S HOUSE AFTER HE BETRAYED THEM I HAD TO REWATCH THAT SEVERAL TIMES TO MAKE SURE I JUST SAW WHAT I SAW  WHAT THE ACTUAL NONSENSICAL FUCK

Cole REALLY should not have been involved in that last fight. Especially not after Scorpion shows up. It should have been Scorpion vs Sub-Zero ONLY for the final fight. Cole tag-teaming Sub-Zero with Scorpion cheapens Scorpion’s revenge.

Camera work in the final fight was not good, especially in the first portion. At one point Cole gets thrown into a fence, but it cuts to an awkward inverse angle that makes him look like he’s bouncing off of a trampoline. This continues to happen and ruins several shots for me.

Honestly Scorpion should have just possessed Cole. Permanently. No switching back and forth. No more Cole, only Scorpion.

PREDICTIONS

Lots of dead characters come back as revenants and / or with upgrades.

Kano comes back with cyber eye.

Mileena comes back with full teeth.

Liu Kang becomes MK champion, wins tournament, and kills Shang Tsung. As it should be.

Cole Young helps Liu Kang become champion somehow idk maybe he sacrifices himself or something just please don’t make Cole the champion I will start a riot.

Next movie will start IMMEDIATELY at the tournament since there was supposedly less than a month until the tournament starts in this movie.

New characters coming in will be Kitana, Shao Kahn, Jade, Quan Chi, Kuai Liang, Noob Saibot, Ermac, and Johnny Cage.

OVERALL

This movie was good, bloody fun! It’s not an A++ Oscar-winner, but if you expected that going into it, you played yourself. It was Mortal Kombat; it was stupid, it was gory, and I had a blast watching it. Kano and Liu Kang were the best parts of the movie for me, with Scorpion and Sub-Zero tied for third. Also I popped a lot for the cheap nostalgia hits. I’m overall satisfied with what we got in spite of my complaints, and I only complain so in-depth about the things I love lmao so trust me when I say I’m not actually mad, just nitpicky. I’ve watched it twice now, and I would watch it again. It’s like a 6.8/10 for me.

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 9

The Slaying of the Bobbledragon

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Since slaying a serial-killer dragon is a little outside the party's expertise, they're off to Cauterdale to enlist the aid of the Deathseekers' Guild! Having gotten a good night's sleep at a druid village, and not eaten, they're ready to take on, uh...

Well, some sort of very large monster that Zero kindly drew for me.

In the morning, they rather uneventfully get up and get back on the road, thanking the villagers for their hospitality. And the remainder of the trip to Cauterdale is likewise brief and uneventful, right up until the fire.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: the what Benedict I. (GM): The fire.

Yeah, the forest and the road up ahead are ablaze, sort of blocking passage. The dirt road isn't actively on fire, but the trees on both sides are, making it pretty risky to proceed. The team opts to send Oyobi up ahead to scout the situation- and pretty soon she comes back with a report. Apparently, just past the visible fireline, the forest is totally burned down- just charred stumps as far as she could see, right up to the city walls. The fire itself is just, like, 10 meters wide or so, so it's totally something they could just dash through.

It takes some Animal Handling checks to coax the giraffes through, and the ones that balk get them and their riders a little bit of chip damage from heat and smoke inhalation, but the party is pretty much able to push through to the blasted wasteland of charred tree stumps surrounding Cauterdale.

They notice a few people in strange armor in the distance, doing something near the fire- from the seemingly controlled nature of this burn and the name of the town, they conclude that those are fire squads doing this deliberately, and don't get involved. It's a fine conclusion, and the party begins walking the remaining mile to the city.

As they approach, they notice... a little ways off from the main gates, something is attacking the city walls. Guards atop the walls are manning some sort of huge harpoon guns, and they seem to have already slain several of the... whatever these things are. The remaining one, though, seems larger and more resilient than the others, continuing its assault despite the several harpoons already lodged in its flesh.

What they see is a huge reptilian monster. It's probably not a dragon- no wings, and it doesn't appear to be using a breath weapon- but it's the size of a dragon, with tiny arms, headbutting the metal walls of the town repeatedly.

Orluthe makes his Nature roll to recognize this thing- he's heard of them before. They're called "bobbledragons"- some sort of deformed mutant offshoot of true dragons, incapable of speech or flight or magic but still possessed of monstrous strength and durability.

Luckily, the bobbledragon doesn't seem to be in between them and the main gate- the fight is far enough away that they could potentially just walk up and head into town, assuming they'll open the gates during a situation like this. Hell, they don't even need to open the gates- if the guards just drop a rope, they should be able to just climb over. That seems like a decent plan, so Saelhen and Looseleaf begin working together to draft a use of the Message spell to ask the guards to help them inside.

Then they notice that I've been moving Oyobi's token on the map in the direction of the fight.

Oyobi, blinded by bloodlust and/or extra-credit-in-Severe-Zoology-lust, is determined to help fell the bobbledragon. Their attempts at persuasion fail, and Oyobi, undeterred, continues to charge the giant fucking T-rex that is making huge dents in the walls of a city.

As Oyobi runs for it, and as the party follows behind in hopes of stopping her from making a terrible mistake, the bobbledragon jumps and seizes one of the guards on the wall in its jaws, demonstrating its +10 4d12+7 bite attack by immediately oneshotting its victim.

Looseleaf: oh god we're all going to die. you're using the real t-rex statblock. that thing is challenge eight. it is made for a party of four level eight adventurers, so either we are all going to die here, or the guards are going to show us why they are professional fighters and we are students. Benedict I. (GM): "Shit! It can jump!" "No!" The guards seem upset.

Not promising.

Looseleaf: This thing does sufficient damage to oneshot any of us with a perfectly mediocre hit. Looseleaf right now is kind of thoroughly convinced that Oyobi is actually literally about to die. In that light, Looseleaf is going to message Oyobi again. And she is not going to get any closer. Actually, she's going to back off, put distance between herself and the monster. [Oyobi that thing is going to bite you in half get back here you are going to die.] Benedict I. (GM): Roll Persuasion! DC 20 again. -Looseleaf: 17 / PERSUASION (1)- Oyobi Yamatake: [I'M GONNA LIVE FOREVER!!!]

So... that's a bust, and Oyobi finally reaches the dragon and begins her assault. Miraculously, her flying leap hits, and she digs her sword in... for thirteen damage.

The guards return fire against the bobbledragon, and one of the harpoons catches it in the chest- but it doesn't go down, and the second harpoon- manned by just one guard, after his partner got crunched- misses. Another guard, without a cannon, throws a spear- and gets not only a critical hit, but a max damage critical hit, spearing the thing right in the eye.

...for eleven damage, because these are ordinary CR 1/8 Guards, but still!

Saelhen tries to distract the bobbledragon so Oyobi can run and hide, but... her arrow goes wide, and Oyobi isn't interested in running and hiding anyway. The bobbledragon, targeting whatever did the most damage to it recently with its bite attack, jumps and bites the whole damn harpoon gun out of the guard tower, leaving the guards without heavy weaponry.

And then with its tail, it tries to slap the insect that just stung it in the rear.

...and rolls a 3, meaning Oyobi gracefully backflips over the attack and strikes a dramatic pose.

Looseleaf: God, she did not deserve that dodge. She got so fucking lucky there. Saelhen du Fishercrown: she really didn't Oyobi Yamatake: "When you get to Dragon Hell, tell them Oyobi Yamatake sent you!!"

Looseleaf, in the interest of communicating to Oyobi how much danger she's in, makes use of an upgrade to her Rend Spirit attack she learned while studying Lumiere's notes on pain. With Painread, she can get some feedback back from something whose spirit she disrupts, and figure out exactly how bad a shape it's in. She does so (dealing a cool 16 damage as she does), and learns how huge this thing's remaining hit point pool is, so she can tell Oyobi how unlikely she is to survive long enough to take it down.

...It, uh, it was already pretty hurt when they arrived, and it, um, has nine hit points left. And it's Oyobi's turn.

Oyobi Yamatake: Oyobi dashes forwards, Naruto-runs up to the T-rex's throat, and does a spinning leap that slashes open its jugular. It roars, and the roar swiftly fades off as its breath escapes. Saelhen du Fishercrown: God dammit, Oyobi. Oyobi Yamatake: "YES! YES! B-S-U! B-S-U! B-S-U!" "THAT is how it's DONE!" She is jumping up and down, doing a celebratory dance, the works. "Flawlessed the boss! Hell yeah!"

Yeah, so... I had kind of been planning on her getting oneshot and laid up in the hospital, as a sort of character growth thing and also keeping her out of the way of certain events in town, but, uh... the dice... didn't exactly... share my priorities.

With the bobbledragon slain, and Oyobi doing an extremely obnoxious victory dance, the rest of the party springs into action to stabilize the guard who was used as a chew toy. Thanks to his plate armor, he hasn't lost much blood, but he's got more broken bones than not, and his prognosis wouldn't be good... if it weren't for the healer's kits Looseleaf had the foresight to buy for everyone. Saelhen stabilizes him, and Orluthe calls on his goddess to Lay On Hands to save the guard's life.

Then there's this guy- the captain of the guard, who fought in the battle with a fancy crossbow that shot flaming bolts. He demands to know who the party is, seeming kind of annoyed that they rewarded weakness by saving the guard's life.

Benedict I. (GM): He looks down at your medical kit. "Y'know, all of my men are prepared to fight and die for our home. You really want to take away this man's glory?" The injured guard looks up. "Uh, sir, I- it's fine, actually..." "Feh." Looseleaf: This guy immediately seems like a bad boss. Saelhen du Fishercrown: Oh, he's ridiculous. Okay, that changes the tenor of this conversation somewhat! "...I apologize, sir," says Saelhen, bowing to the guard on his stretcher, "if I have diminished your victory with my carelessness."

And rather than give this guy any more of the time of day, Saelhen asks the random guard his name. (And then I have to give him one and make him a character, whoops.)

Medd Cutter here is thankful for Saelhen's assistance saving his life, and Saelhen pledges to remember his heroism. The commander feels- by design- somewhat left out of the heroism-remembering, and declares that he is REX SCAR, and Saelhen kind of blows him off. He's not happy, but...

Captain Scar is still the sort of person who is very impressed with anyone who rolls up and kills a bobbledragon just because they felt like it, and despite Saelhen's calculated snub, tries to get buddy-buddy with the group of obviously very powerful people who just arrived. He decides to help them through customs without going through the usual processes, much to the chagrin of...

...Long-Tongue, Cauterdale Customs and Border Inspection Officer of Cauterdale, who's very loquacious and wordy and redundantly repeats what she says in different words to phrase things differently in a somewhat unnecessary fashion for no real reason. Rex bullies his way past her, but Saelhen- as another snub, and just to be... nice? (What's her game...?), hands her the 300-page history of the de la Surplus family as collateral for a deferred border inspection.

Inside the walls, Cauterdale is a very crowded place. It's like 80% slum, choked with buildings constructed of a patchwork of scrap metal and discarded siding, without much wood to speak of. The streets are narrow and bustling, and the general vibe around the place is impatient.

The remaining guards escorting them (Rex went off someplace) inform them, when questioned, that the town indeed burns down the forest around them- since they're near the jungle, horrible dangerous things tend to come out of the trees to attack them, and their harpoon defenses are most effective when they can see their attackers coming from a mile away, with no obstructions. Looseleaf asks if bobbledragon attacks are common.

Benedict I. (GM): Another guard shakes his head. "No, that one was pretty crazy. Usually it's just the giant spiders, or the giant mosquitoes, or the mushroom demons." "We've had a few bobbledragons before, but that was like, four at once." Looseleaf: "Oh gods there's already giant spiders?!" "We're not even at- I thought this was a pine forest still!" Benedict I. (GM): "No, that's usually after it rains," Medd says. Looseleaf: Looseleaf casts Druidcraft. Please tell me it's not going to rain. Benedict I. (GM): Nope! Clear skies for now. "Whoa, cool." Looseleaf:"Thank the gods of sea and sky and weather and everything even tangentially related to weather," she says. "No rain." "I hope it never rains, ever again." Benedict I. (GM): "Haha, better stay away from..." "Wait, where are you headed?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The rainforest," adds Saelhen, mildly. Looseleaf: "Ttttthunderbrush, and yes I know that place is crawling with spiders NOERU SHUT UP,"

Then Looseleaf asks about what they're there for- the Deathseekers' Guild. Unfortunately, the guards tell them that the Deathseekers... probably still exist, but they're like, a weird secret club of old people who think they're too cool to join the guard. They give them a couple leads- apparently the Temple of Andra keeps tabs on them, and also a guard by the name of Mags was the last to see them as they were recently seen leaving the city.

The team splits up- Looseleaf and Orluthe head for the temple, and Oyobi and Saelhen head for the guardhouse to talk to Mags. (Vayen... is still gone, after vanishing as soon as the bobbledragon fight started.) The latter group does their thing next session, so...

After dropping off their rental giraffes, they head inside to meet...

This guy, working the reception desk. He seems to be made of rock, and when he talks he rumbles.

As Looseleaf explains their dilemma and their need for Deathseekers, this guy takes a keen interest in their plight. He's very "hmmmm, iiiiiinteresting, oh i see, you don't say?" about the whole thing, making a very normal interaction seem as ominous as possible.

He tells her that the Deathseekers, to his knowledge, should be back in the city from their unspecified errand inside two days, and offers to take a message.

Looseleaf: "I don't suppose they're looking for a green dragon, are they?" Benedict I. (GM): This guy's smile keeps getting wider. It's kind of creepy. "Hm? What makes you say that?"

As she explains about the dragon, he offers her and Orluthe a candy from a bowl on the desk. After some hemming and hawing out-of-character because the creepy rock man is offering you suspicious candy, they eventually opt to have some, because really, Looseleaf isn't suspicious of this guy. Hers is lemon-flavored. It's tasty.

Then, as she describes the empty tower with the corpse of the torture wizard in it, this guy's demeanor changes suddenly from "creepy wry amusement" to "genuine concern". He tries to put on a poker face, but him having a poker face when he's until now been all creepy-friendly chewing the scenery... stands out. He gives her a strong assurance that the Deathseekers will handle this problem for her.

Benedict I. (GM): "I... thank you, for this information." Looseleaf: "You're welcome. Please, uh, make sure that the Deathseekers get this information as quickly as possible. The dragon eats a corpse a week and there's only three corpses left in the tower, there's a very real deadline on this." Benedict I. (GM): [rolling 1d20+4] (Insight) 17+4 = 21 Looseleaf: Belatedly, Looseleaf realizes she's made a mistake. Benedict I. (GM): "You say... the dragon eats three corpses a week?" "Only three corpses left in the tower?" Looseleaf: Namely: Looseleaf has no good reason to know the fact that the dragon eats a corpse a week. Since she's never met the dragon. Benedict I. (GM): "Curious information." "How did you come across it?" Looseleaf: "Uh, erm, uh." Shit.

Looseleaf opts to tell the truth about Arnie, to avoid spinning a dangerous web of lies for herself- after all, Arnie's not worth lying for. She does describe him in as sympathetic terms as she can, though, and asks this guy not to harm him if possible- she doesn't want to break her word to Arnie if she can help it.

Benedict I. (GM): He takes a moment to process this. "...Very well." "My people will be the soul of discretion." "I thank you very much for your generous contribution to the Ecumene of Understanding."

Looseleaf notices that something is wrong.

This guy is the receptionist. He's not a bishop or anything. He's not even wearing priestly vestments- just a nice suit. And he's speaking as though he's in a position of power- "my people", he says.

And after considering various possibilities, she tries something. A shot in the dark, but...

And the way Looseleaf plays this, is... "quit acting like you don't know what I'm talking about, c'mon, the jig is up". She takes out the letter she found in Lumiere's tower and shows it off, as proof!

And this guy keeps denying it, and getting increasingly more panicked, and looking nervously over at Orluthe, and asking her to please stop, shh shh shh shh, and it's when he begs her to have a conversation with him in private please that she makes the connection. If this guy is affiliated with Lumiere, who's apparently affiliated with some sort of secret conspiracy that's affiliated with some sort of deific usurpation... he maybe doesn't want to have that conversation in front of a cleric.

Looseleaf:"Okay, Orluthe, uhm. Sorry, so," Looseleaf whispers into Orluthe's ear. "Long story short, turns out my sister, who left my village way before I did, ended up falling into some kind of magical secret society. The kind of secret society with Hal Lumiere, i.e. 'the torture wizard who came up with all those pain knives that we all got stabbed a lot with', was apparently a very active member of." Benedict I. (GM):Oh my god, um. Looseleaf: "So, uh, I'm kinda freaking out about that, right now, but if my hunches are right then I'm the sister of someone important in their organization?" Benedict I. (GM): As you start whispering, he tries to interrupt. "Please do not say things to him!" "Please let us speak in private!!" Looseleaf: Oh he's freaked out now huh. "Anyways that's why I am actually indeed going to speak, with this guy, in private," Looseleaf finishes. "And if I don't show up in a half-hour or so, then things have probably gone lopsided." "In which case you should find everyone else and tell them to, I dunno, come save me or whatever." "You got all that?" Benedict I. (GM): The rock man looks distraught. Orluthe Chokorov: "I, uh... think so? This is really... I'm not sure it's safe..."

With a good Persuasion roll, Orluthe agrees to stay behind, and the rock man leads Looseleaf into a backroom whose doors and walls seem warded heavily with some sort of abjuration magic. A secret saferoom.

The man describes the problem: the gods don't know that they exist, or didn't until Looseleaf went and told a cleric of Diamode that they existed. Clerics, in this setting, channel divinity literally- their gods come into their heads to do magic for them, meaning anything a cleric knows is something a god can know, if they care to check.

Benedict I. (GM): "Because if the next time Diamode is in that kid, if she goes looking for that memory..." "I mean, she might not. And you didn't mention anything about our aims, so she might consider it beneath her notice." "But that, right there? That was nearly game over." "And I can't just kill you, because if I did, Yomi would end me." Looseleaf: "Yeah, I'm not incredibly foolish, I haven't actually shown anybody else Yomi's letter." "Nobody knows that Lumiere was involved with... deicidal blasphemy." "That's what this is about, right? Thereabouts, in terms of sheer magnitude and hubris?" Benedict I. (GM): He sighs. "It's not like that." "At least, it's not all like that." "The Project is... fractious." "The less you know about the project, the less you're able to carelessly blurt out about the project your cleric friends, or to anyone who tries reading your mind or tricks you into a Zone of Truth..." "The safer we all are." "With as much as you know, you're already dangerous. It'd be best for us- and you- if you dropped this. Never spoke of it to anyone."

Looseleaf points out that it's good that she found the letter, because that tower was sitting abandoned for a year- anyone could've walked in and read it, since it was lying on a bookcase in the open.

This is somehow not taken as good news- when he finds out that the letter could've potentially been read by anyone, that there was a security breach for a year...

Looseleaf: "Look, my man, next time you want to send a letter, by the way, use... use some encoding." "Don't just write things in plaintext like a chump, by the gods." Benedict I. (GM): "He was supposed to burn after reading." Saelhen du Fishercrown: he's too dead for that! Benedict I. (GM): "Wait, you said it was... out in the open?" "But he's dead?" "Either he was an idiot, or... someone else opened his mail." "Except... Yomi should've hand-delivered it, so..." "...well. We'll definitely look into it."

He brings up sending for someone to do memory magic to handle the breach- but he realizes he can't have that done to Looseleaf, because Diamode would notice if someone tampered with her cleric's memories, and someone needs to still know what's up so they can keep Orluthe away from the truth. (Plus, she figures she'd notice the inconsistencies and end up sleuthing it out again.)

Looseleaf asks if Yomi is doing well, and gets... that she's intense, and powerful, and she probably thinks she's "doing well", but... he doesn't know about happy.

Lastly, he shows Looseleaf a symbol- a blank circle, with the elvish character 人 drawn underneath. The symbols of gods are typically circles with a design inside- so the meaning of this and its relationship to the nature of the Project is fairly easy to infer.

Benedict I. (GM): "If you need to prove to someone you're in the know, without blurting out a bunch of dangerous details, this is the mark." He then eats the paper and the graphite stick he used to draw it.

Next time: Saelhen and Oyobi grill the guard Mags for information on the Deathseekers, and connections are made with powerful individuals.

[makiruz]

So I’m trying to close the literally hundreds of tabs I have open, and I bump into Stargate crossovers, notably a Stargate/Avatar crossover. This reminds me Stargate is a goldmine of crossovers because you just have to put a Stargate in your favorite fictional universe and there you go! And SG-1′s Clarke’s 3rd Law approach means that any magical shit fits in their universe.

Now, since I’m still in the RWBY hyperfixation train; I obviously thinking how easy and interesting a RWBY/Stargate is.

First off, they exist; here’s all of them in FF.Net: https://www.fanfiction.net/Stargate-SG-1_and_RWBY_Crossovers/68/10833/

They’re all good. And there’s actually 3 types: the classic approach, SGC types a random address and it’s Remnant; the Trane7 approach (later adopted by TheLongVersion2), Remnant makes their own Stargate program and inevitably bumps into Earth; and the How-not-to-do-something approach, go full AU, I actually dig this fic, I’m still reading it because it’s long, but it’s very interesting, in short the Battle of Beacon happened but Beacon itself didn’t fall and Ozpin didn’t die; and Team JNPR fell into a Stargate and got picked up by SGC and 2 years later Team RWBY finds them, then shit happens.

I actually have a few ideas inspired by this fic; the initial set up is basically the same, Team JNPR gets stranded on the wrong side of a Stargate, get taken by SGC and join them because they want to help stop the Goa’uld, and then 2 years later Team RWBY figures out the Stargate, this time with the address of Remnant; difference is that Ozpin did die and he reincarnated into Oscar. Now this is inspired by this AU: https://xstonehill.tumblr.com/post/183196875183/rosegarden-au-a-different-happy-ending; so Oscar is passing himself as a prodigy and going to Heaven Academy 2 years early, just like Ruby (I suspect Ozpin did the same); and you know continuing the fight against Salem and stuff. Now as presented by hyperfixation-hideout in their 2 long-ass videos the Merge goes both ways and Oscar is a more open, more honest person than Ozpin, so I declare that he ended up telling his team everything (it was an impromptu bonding session), like everything, they’re probably the only people outside of Salem’s group who know she’s immortal, and the first thing Oscar does after reuniting with Ozpin’s group is telling them about Salem’s immortality.

Anyway in Not What You Expected Jaune says that the Grimm are nothing compared to the Goa’uld, but I’m not so sure, Salem has actual magic AND she is unkillable; of course Jaune doesn’t know that. In any case Remnant and Earth form an alliance to collaborate, and fight the Goa’uld and the Grimm (and Salem once people realize she’s a problem).

You know, now I think about it; however Remnant and Earth came in contact doesn’t matter as much as I’d thought. In all cases they form an alliance, scientists back on Earth loose their minds at Aura and Semblances and they will figure out how the hell that works; Faunus are less interesting, but genetic testing will happen to understand how they work and how came to be (”God made you” is not good enough, in our experience Gods are fakers); Dust will be analyzed and potential exchanges are set up. And of course everyone in Remnant will be more than happy to help fight evil parasites taking over the Galaxy (everyone except Ozpin who has other priorities).

Anyway, the story I would probably write is that SCG gets to Remnant’s address; Teal’c notes that the System Lords warn about this planet (one fic says it’s monsters of the dark of the soul, so maybe something like that “Here be Dragons” and shit), but they get to Remnant and they’re attacked by Grimm and rescued by hunters, let’s say Team JNPR to spice things up, and they get taken to Ozpin (questions are asked, why the principal of a school is like world leader); then discussions happen, questions about Aura and Dust and Grimm and that girl has rabbit ears are asked, and eventually an alliance is settled, technology and resources are to be exchanged, and Remnant will help Earth fight evil alien conquerors.

Now the interesting thing is that Ozpin is mysterious; I mean, he’s always mysterious, but when the discussion turns to the Goa’uld you get the feeling he knows something. Well, I gotta notice that Ozpin knows the Grimm have a master, but the public doesn’t and neither does SCG, so he’s mysterious on that regard (Jack doesn’t trust him) but he’s more mysterious, and if you’re thinking “Ozpin has been around for ever, maybe he’s met the Goa’uld before” your are absolutely right. Okay, this is the idea I have: the Goa’uld first came to Remnant during the time where Ozgiliath (Ozma 2.0) and Salem were together pretending to be gods; so we get a group of fake gods going against 2 fake gods with actual magical powers (and one of them is actually unkillable), Salem and Ozgiliath kick the Goa’uld butts and they run away (I imagine monsters who are attracted to negative feelings and people who are being slaved don’t make a good combination). So Ozpin knows the Goa’uld and maybe has a personal problem with some of them *coughBa’alcough*, but he’s not gonna tell anyone that (certainly not the part about pretending to be a god to people fighting people pretending to be gods).

Next, have you considered there’s parallels between Oz and the Goa’uld? First, aside from that little stint with Salem, we know Oz has been worshiped in the past, you know the Infinite Man story; and he is one entity moving from host to host. I am firm in the belief that Oz is nothing like the Goa’uld, but Ozpin is not so much; you know that some of his hosts have called him a parasite, he himself has wondered if he is in fact a parasite; god, the backstory I give to Ozpin presents him as having been radically altered by becoming a host of the Oz entity, that’s perfect for him to be “Am I me or am I Oz? Did I became Oz or did Oz replaced me? Who am I?” Ba’al is gonna have such a good time taunting Ozpin about this. I’ve decided Ba’al was in Remnant before and he remembers Ozgiliath, when he meets Ozpin he’s like “It’s really you Ozma, you have a new host too”; and when Oscar comes around it’s gonna be even worse because Oscar is afraid of ceasing to exist due to the Merge (I love Ba’al so much).

Another thing that is definitively happening is that Oscar (or Ozpin, but it’s funnier with Oscar) is gonna beat up a Goa’uld in front of their entire following, and the following is gonna be like “Our God has been defeated by this other god*, he must worship him now” and Ozpin in Oscar’s head is gonna be like “Not Again!”

*By the time this happens word has spread that Oz is a God, because he was pretending to be one, way back when.

So I don’t have a full plot yet, but so far I got that not too long after an alliance between Earth and Remnant is established; SGC looses contact with Remnant, about one year later Atlas reestablishes contact (Ironwood took the Stargate to Atlas) and it’s like “everything’s gone wrong! Beacon has fallen, Ozpin is dead, the Grimm are out of control. Help please”; and I don’t know what season of SG1 would be, so I don’t know if SCG would be “we’ll try but we’re in crisis” or “we’re in crisis, we really can’t give much help right now” (SGC is always in crisis), either way SG-1 is gonna end up in Remnant to meet Team Qrow. I want SG-1 to meet Oscar so much, because people having some kind of telepathic ability that gives them powers is one thing, reincarnation is another; Jack is gonna deny it, Sam and Daniel are gonna ask questions, and Teal’c is gonna assume he’s like the Tok’ra.

Also I’m considering Salem allying herself with the Goa’uld. I like to think she’d use them to wreck havoc; and as previously mentioned, she’s actually immortal and has magic; she can probably appear as a more powerful goddess and it’s better to be on her good side (she did definitively killed one or two System Lords); this could cause problems if the people start worshiping her above their System Lords, but we’ll see how things play out. Also I like to think that when faced with whoever, she’s like “You? A God? I’ve fought the Gods, you’re no god” (Ozpin has a similar interaction with Ba’al, where Ba’al calls him a god and Ozpin is like “I’m not a god, and neither are you. You’re just a parasite with delusions of grandeur”)

I’m fairly sure this is leading to a big ass fight in the sky over Remnant; the Gods, probably some kind of ascended being, play a part (and they’re jerks).

Oh and one more thing, humanity 1.0 are probably Ancients, which is how they can use magic; humanity 2.0 I’m not sure where it come from, but I could see them being Earth humans, although I’d have to check the timeline to the Goa’uld being on Remnant (I mean, they can come twice)

[theheightofdishonor]

Top 10 Battles in the Metal Saga (in no particular order)

Kyoya-Ryuga 

There aren’t many battles that are just about raw power the way this one is. The whole thing is just so extra, from ruining the stadium before the battle even begins to ending with Ryuga’s possession and Kyoya passing out with a dragon’s tail going through his chest. The power-play between these two is riveting. And on top of that, it’s the closest anyone but Gingka and Nemesis ever gets to beating Ryuga. However, it does annoy me that Kyoya is the only one of Ryuga’s opponents in Battle Bladers who comes out unaffected in the long-term. After their respective battles, Hikaru retires from Beyblade, Tsubasa suffers with possession, and both experience a healthy dose of PTSD but apparently, Kyoya gets away with no signs of it? I call bullshit. 

2.Da Xian - Julian 

If you didn’t love Da Xiang before, you had to after this battle. It did a brilliant job of highlighting how good Dashan is at manipulating people, and doing so “coolly, and brilliantly”. Dashan sees the scene as the opportunity it is and coaxes Julian from a disheartened shell of his former self to someone who’s willing to try again without the man even knowing. Oh, and he gets Julian to appreciate the value of his friends too. And beats him in battle easily. And delivers, “You think you and I are alike? That’s an insult, ” decimating Julian’s remaining pride. Talk about being cool. (Chao Xin should definitely take pointers)

3. Gingka vs 100 (supposedly) Face Hunters 

I had a hard time choosing between this and the battle earlier in the episode where Gingka first saves Kenta from Face Hunters, but I think this holds more impact and the one Kenta thinks is more notable. As a fight itself, it’s short compared to some of the other more epic battles on this list, and its placement is more about the consequences of it than the contents of the actual battle itself.  It’s the moment where Kenta’s admiration for Gingka really cements, and the moment that Kyoya takes a serious interest in him, shaping his relationship with two people who will be monumental in his life. Also, Gingka looks super cool and baby Kenta is adorable. 

 4.  Excalibur-Gan Gan Galaxy 

This battle has one of my favourite scenes of ALL TIME- Masamune single-handedly cutting through Sophie and Wales’s joint special move. Let me just take a second to gush about how powerful he is and how much I love him and how he deserves so much more love and did I mention he stopped the twins in their track with ONE MOVE. Your fave could never but if I don’t stop now, i’ll be talking about Masamune all day. 

The visual of Pegasus and Striker moving as one force, with the music crescendoing only for Destroyer to cut them down at the climax, is breathtaking. Seriously, I’ve watched that one scene on repeat and my breath catches. 

I love to see Masamune and Gingka work together as a team, especially because it’s not their preferred dynamic and it doesn’t always come easily to them. But when they try, they’re magic together, partially because they’re so alike. This is the only battle where we get the full force of the Y-Masamune-Gingka dynamic, a god-tier trio who can only possess one brain cell when they’re together because otherwise, they’d be way too strong. Let’s be real. If these morons actually combined their intelligence, they would have crushed Excalibur to dust. We need more scenes with them tbh

As a side note, it was not at all ok for these guys to crash the festival or for Yu to ruin a culturally important arena. It’s played off way to lightheartedly for my tastes.  It’s not even the only time they’re insensitive- in Fury, Yu and Kyoya damage ancient ruins and Gingka’s group explicitly disobeys orders to not step on a sacred volcano. The whole thing is kinda gross and the Metal Saga should address its serious disregard for other cultures. Sophie losing her shit on a literal 12 year old was funny though. 

5. The Legendary Bladers-Nemesis part 2 

This is a pretty long battle, I linked it to where the battle begins but it doesn’t end until the end of the next episode. There’s a lot about this battle that drives me crazy- like why are you people just letting Kenta destroy himself, why are the strongest bladers in the world who were specifically chosen for this battle unable to withstand for more than two hits, etc  BUT- this is when Ryuga hands over the Star Fragment which is cool and emotional enough to let everything else slide. It’s a pretty satisfying conclusion to the Kenta-Ryuga arc and rings parallel to Metal Fusion down to Ryuga pulling a Storm Pegasus and disappearing into thin air.Which talking about, I will forever be mad Storm Pegasus doesn’t ever come into play after Metal Fusion. Shogun Steel would have been such a perfect time to bring Storm Pegasus back to play and assure in a new era- such wasted potential, but I digress. 

Oh, and friendly reminder that Yu’s Inferno Blast breaks through Rago’s barrier while 8 Legendary Bladers combined couldn’t leave a dent on Nemesis. 

6. Kenta-Reiji

Talking about emotional, if you didn’t cry during this battle, you’re a liar- it’s painful to watch. The entire thing with Kenta using Libra’s performance tip and his insistence that he has to win for Yu- it breaks your heart. Reiji is such a great villain because he does exactly what he’s meant to do- make the audience be invested in him. He’s so unnecessarily cruel, so irredeamable, and this episode drills that into your skull. Even the spectators of the match can’t look on as Reiji tortured Kenta well after Sagittario has stopped spinning. 

7. Easter Island

It would take too long to name everyone involved in this, so i’m not going to. But boy is it a ride You’ve got King starting it off with Chris for insulting/defeating/humiliating Masamune- a noble cause if there ever was one. His impassioned defense of his boyfriend is one of the best speeches/declarations in the Saga and is also 80% of the reason this battle is on the list. The guy has his priorities straight, ok. Gingka says it’s either Masamune’s feelings or the world and King chooses Masamune, no questions, no hesitations. Can’t say I blame him. Especially after seeing the heartbreak on Masamune’s face when Chris insults him. But of course, the world is actually more important so 

 Gingka jumps in to stop King which as Benkai mentions, you can’t stop him from battling by actually battling him, so I don’t know what Gingka was thinking. Johannes’s lackies, including Aguma and the Beylin Fist, joins the battle, prompting Zeo, Toby, etc to also join. Then Ryuga appears and starts draining Chris’s power before Kenta stops him (thus publically revealing their affiliation to the world) and the two disappear. Literally everyone is involved, Johannes tells Chris to “man up” when he dares to show pain that Ryuga is literally stealing his power away but then vanishes because he doesn’t want to face Gingka head on yet. Can you say hypocrite? And while this was all happening, Johannes somehow managed to buy Chris’s loyalties.

It’s insane and so much fun. 

8.Tsubasa-Jack

I didn’t expect to put this on the list but I watched it recently and had a newfound appreciation for it so here it is. While the team battle with Excalibur was the climax of Tsubasa’s arc, this was the resolution. It is arguably Tsubasa’s best battle of the series. He made his recovery with Excalibur, had a practice run with the Garcias, and by this battle, Tsubasa is better than ever. There’s a satisfaction in watching Tsubasa beat Jack with ease. After struggling the entire season, it's very cathartic. There’s this one bit where Jack is complaining about battling Ryuga and how Tsubasa can’t possibly know the disappointment he felt  and Tsubasa snaps, because how fucking dare he, who the fuck did Jack think he is. Again, very cathartic.

Irrelevant, but this episode has some of the best quotes including gems like

 “What is this? A bunch of creepy pictures”; 

“Oh dear Tsubasa” queue Jack asking for a battle; 

“You’re really lacking in the culture department” - Jack to Madoka,  “

The rest of Gan-Gan Galaxy are common, unrefined types”.

 The list never ends. Do yourself a favour and watch the episode.

9. Zoe-Toby-Masamune

This is the only season where there’s no one Final Battle but instead two separate climactic moments- Ryuga and Gingka working together to stop Hades City from melting down(?) and Toby and Zeo  fighting to bring Toby back to normal. 

Unlike the Finales in Fusion and Fury, this one’s private, personal. Not only were Ryuga-Gingka battle and the Battle against Nemesis attended by a lot of people, they were also widely broadcasted across the world. In comparison, Toby, Zeo and Masamune (and Ziggurat at one point) are the only ones to witness the Finale in Masters. It’s a very intimate moment. Their friendship is fractured-Toby's brainwashed,  Zeo was manipulated, and there’s still tension because Masamune left them in a time of need. The two of them are finally confronting just how much their friendship has strained: Masamune never imagined Zeo would resent him when he only ever wanted to fulfill Toby’s wish; he’s almost offended Zeo would think so badly of him. On the other hand, Zeo wrestles between accepting Ziggurat manipulated him but also his very valid resentment towards Masamune. They both hurt each other but get past it and forgive each other for the sake of their best friend. Bey battles are when bladers communicate through each other and in this one, these three use it to find their way back to each other. 

10.  

Gingka-Kyoya

Of course, the list wouldn’t be complete without a Gingka-Kyoya battle. Despite Kyoya being Gingka’s second biggest rival, they only have 3 complete battles with a clear winner. (Kyoya is disqualified in Survival Battle, and neither won in the Championships Team battle or the one in Fury). Despite there being so few options, it was still hard for me to choose because they’re all brilliant and my opinion changes every other day. 

Honestly, I didn’t remember why I chose this battle, so I went back in and re-watched it- SO many thoughts. For one thing, Kyoya sounds like a cheesy bat man villain.  Seriously though, the battle feels so off to me because in this episode, Kyoya is more or less just another evil villain; a pale foreshadow of what Ryuga will become in the Final Battle. I’m not even kidding. This hits almost the exact beats that the Gingka-Ryuga battle will.  I didn’t like this battle when I re-watched it for this post. Gingka and Kyoya’s battles are important because of the history and bond they share and in this battle, neither of those are solidified and it’s just not as satisfying. 

I will admit though that this battle was important for them, mostly Kyoya who was headed towards unhinged-Ryuga territory before Gingka saved him. It kickstarts Kyoya into being the lovable grump we know he’s capable of being and creates a debt towards Gingka which in turn develops into an actual friendship. It’s an important step of their journey and I can’t begrudge it too much ig. If you really want to watch a Gingka-Kyoya battle for non-thematic reasons, though, I recommend the World Championships or the one in Metal Fury Ep 1

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 228

Last time, Gohan “””fought””” Dabura, until Dabura suddenly took a powder and left.    Vegeta was already pissed about Gohan’s lackluster performance, but now he’s extra furious because he had to watch that turkey of the fight and it didn’t even accomplish anything.  

I know I already complained about Gohan vs. Dabura, but just to recap why the fight sucks:

Dabura made them wait three episodes before showing up to fight.

Everyone complained the entire time the fight was going on.

Nobody won.

So now we’re right back where we were five episodes ago, when Goku killed Yakon.

So tensions are running high in Stage 3 of Babidi’s ship, because they’ve been stuck there this whole time, unable to proceed with the mission.  So Vegeta takes out his frustration on Gohan, because who else is he going to yell at?   The Supreme Kai is God, basically, and Goku will kick his ass and he knows it. 

 Vegeta makes this a Saiyan thing, telling Gohan that he should have gone for the jugular in his fight with Dabura, and let nothing stop him from killing his opponent.  

“You’re right, Vegeta, I should have finished him off as quickly as possible.   Just like you did when you killed Cell.    Oh, wait, you didn’t kill Cell, did you?    You screwed around with him for twenty minutes, and then you let him become perfect because you were bored,” is what Gohan would say in the Sassy Gohan AU that I just made up.

Then Vegeta starts ranting about how dumb it is the way Gohan and the others fight for “justice”.   

Then he goes on about survival of the fittest, which is pretty cliche, even for Vegeta.  It’s almost like he’s auditioning for someone...   “You know, it’s a good thing I’m on your team.   If I was on Babidi’s side, I wouldn’t hesitate to kill you all, and none of you would be able to stop me!     But that would never happen... unless...”

The only point Vegeta makes that really leaves an impression on Gohan is that he was fighting for the lives of Piccolo and Krillin.    Remember, they came here to kill Dabura, becaue that’s the only way to undo the magic that turned them into stone statues.   If Gohan had tried a little harder, if he had trained more diligently over the past seven years, they might be back to normal by now.

Goku sticks up for Gohan, but kind of half-heartedly, like he knows Vegeta has a point, at least to some extent.    But Vegeta won’t have it.   All he cares about is fighting Goku, and all he’s been doing is farting around on this dumbass spaceship because everyone’s too scared to blow it up.   

The Supreme Kai (once again) tells him not to do that, because if they accidentally break Majin Buu’s seal, he could destroy the whole earth, even at partial strength.   Vegeta flat out tells him he doesn’t care about the Earth or anyone on it.   

Finally, Goku steps in and tells him to knock it off, and Vegeta backs off.    I’ve never really understood this scene, but now I think I finally get it.    In the past, Vegeta wouldn’t just talk about blowing up the ship; he would just do it, in spite of anyone’s protestations.    Remember when he wanted to fight 17 and 18?   Everyone told him it was a terrible idea, but he refused to listen, and no one could stop him, so he did it, to hell with the consequences.  

But in the Babidi Saga, he’s repeatedly suggested that Majin Buu probably isn’t that big a deal, and that they could settle this quickly by dispensing with the games and just blowing up the whole ship, and the Supreme Kai tells him not to, and he just backs off.    This is like the third time they’ve had this argument.  Don’t tell me Vegeta defers to the Supreme Kai, because I don’t buy it.   

I think what we’re seeing here is some of the maturity Vegeta has learned since he first started living on Earth.   He still wants to take the direct approach, and to shout down anyone who says otherwise, but deep down, he knows that’s unwise.  It bit him in the ass against Android 18 and Cell, and on some level he knows it could work against him here.    That’s why he threatens to blow up the ship, but he never actually follows through.   He’s waiting for Goku to stop him.

Meanwhile, Dabura has returned to Babidi with the idea of turning Vegeta against the others.   Babidi’s been watching them in his crystal ball, and he likes what he’s seen.    Vegeta’s not like the others, and it’ll be easy to control him, and it’ll save him from having to risk Dabura’s life in battle.  

On Stage 3, the Supreme Kai starts to suspect that this is what the bad guys are up to, but it’s too late.    Babidi casts his spell and Vegeta starts grabbing his head and crying out in pain.    Also he poses like a complete diva, because he’s still Vegeta, after all.

Vegeta turns Super Saiyan for some reason, and the Kai tells him what’s going on.   Babidi’s trying to exploit the wickedness in his heart, so he should empty his mind and not think of anything.    Not even the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

Now, later, Vegeta will claim to have fallen under Babidi’s spell intentionally, but it seems kind of at odds with this scene, where he appears to be resisting Babidi.  

But Babidi seems confident that he’s already won.    Kind of weird how he says Vegeta is “ours” now.  Who else is he referring to?   Dabura?   The rest of his crew?  They’re all mind-controlled slaves just like Vegeta.   But Babidi seems to be rather cordial toward his henchmen, treating them almost like friends.   I suppose he would enjoy their company, seeing how they wait on him hand and foot and cooperate with him in everything he does.  

Having secured Vegeta’s mind (I guess?), Babidi starts amplifying his power.    Remember, Yamu and Spopovitch were much stronger as Babidi’s minions than they were before, so this is apparently a side effect of the spell.   

But Vegeta was already one of the strongest guys on this whole show.   If Babidi can make him even stronger... hoo-boy.

And when the whole process is finished, Vegeta ends up with an “M” symbol on his forehead.   In the dub, they actually call it an “M”, I think, and Shin explains that it’s Babidi’s symbol.   The Japanese version doesn’t bother with this, probably because by this point we’ve already seen the “M” on all of Babidi’s stuff.   All his henchmen have it, it’s on his belt.   It’s printed on the hull of his spaceship, on all the doors, and on all of his equipment. 

Fans call this incarnation of Vegeta “Majin Vegeta”, although I’m pretty sure that’s not official.   “Majin” is a term for Buu specifically, because he’s an evil djinn.    Evil = “Ma”, “Ma” + “Djinn” = “Majin.”

As far as the symbol goes, I’m pretty sure it’s intended to stand for “Madoshi”, which is Babidi’s title.   But this never gets spelled out in the source material, perhaps because Babidi’s from outer space, and it wouldn’t make much sense for him to use the Latin Alphabet for his monogram.     In-universe, it’s probably just an alien glyph that just happens to look like a stylized “M”.   

The other thing is that you rarely ever see anyone refer to any of the others as “Majin”.   No one talks about “Majin Puipui” for instance.    I did see that once on an ad for a DBZ wall scroll, which featured all of Babidi’s gang.    for some reason, the ad copy listed them all as “Majin Buu, Majin Vegeta, Majin Dabura, Majin Puipu, Majin Yakon, Majin Yamu, and Majin Spopovitch.”   It’s like they were getting paid by the letter.   But that’s about the only time I’ve seen that.  

The Supreme Kai is all upset because he never expected this to happen.    There’s a lot you didn’t expect, Shin.   You kind of blew this whole mission.

Then Babidi teleports them all to the Tenkaichi Budokai stadium.    I’m not sure how he even knew about this place, unless he read Vegeta’s mind or something, but this is convenient, since the show has been switching back and forth between these two sets of characters.   Mr. Satan is in the middle of celebrating his second world championship victory, and the crowd is going nuts.   

Chi-Chi is pleased about this, because she thinks that if Goku beats the shit out of Mr. Satan right now, in front of everyone, then he’ll have a valid claim to the prize money.   Yamcha’s pretty sure it doesn’t work that way, but Chi-Chi’s pretty sure this is C-Z-fuckin’-W.    She wants Goku to drop Mr. Satan through a table covered in light poles.

The World Tournament Announcer is confused, but he sees Goku and just walks past Vegeta while he explains that the tournament’s already over, and that’s what sets Vegeta off.   Okay, so that’s brilliant, because he’s literally standing there, glowing yellow, and all WTA can think about is chatting with Goku.     That’s just Vegeta’s frustration in a nutshell.   

So Vegeta powers up, and his aura is so intense that WTA and Mr. Satan get pushed aside.

Satan crashes into the retaining wall, and I feel like that’s the second or third time this has happened to him today.

So Babidi’s all set to take this dude for a test drive.    First order: Beat up Goku, Gohan, and the Supreme Kai and take their energy for Majin Buu.

Vegeta’s reply: Fuck you sideways, Babidi.   All he wants to do is fight Goku.   Period.  

Babidi’s shocked, because this has never happened before.   Vegeta isn’t entirely under his control, but he figures that he can still work with this.  

Meanwhile, Mr. Satan finally realizes that these are the guys from the Cell Games.    You’d think he would have caught on before now, but Toriyama did a pretty careful job of keeping Mr. Satan away from the other tournament participants until the Z-Fighters left the stadium.    He only knew Goten and Trunks had super powers, but he didn’t realize that his opponents in the adult division tournament were part of the same group.   But with Vegeta in full on Super Saiyan mode, there’s no mistaking it. 

Just so there’s no confusion about Vegeta’s priorities, he points at Goku...

Then fires an energy blast at him.   Maybe this is Big Bang Attack?    I don’t know.    Goku blocks it...

But he can’t stop it from hitting the stands.

And it blows right through the crowd, and through several buildings along the way.  

Fortunately, Goku’s pals are in a different part of the stadium, although Bulma might wish it were otherwise.    She’s so horrified by Vegeta’s actions...

... that she faints.   

So yeah, there’s no room for interpretation here.   It’s about to go down.  

[askmerriauthor]

If I recall correctly, your pretty anti-stormcloak aren't you? Would Marenia Ceionia Commodus be pretty anti-Stormcloak as well? She is imperial after all... through she has a lot of respect for the common folk, and Ulfric has a lot of support from the common people. So she could have a mixed view in the end.

Both I and Marenia remain firmly anti-Stormcloack, as Ulfric is a bastard man who is preying on the pride of his kinsmen to drive them into three progressively unwinnable wars.  He rails against various negative aspects the Empire has, all while having those same negatives himself that he directs at non-Nords in Skyrim.

Marenia sees Ulfric as a hypocritical warmonger who wields the traditions of his people as a weapon against them, relying on their sense of pride and honor to drive them into conflicts for his own purposes.  She 100% considers him to be a violent war criminal worthy of immediate execution and, even before being given the title of Thane of Solitude, heavily sympathized with the widowed Jarl Elisif for the murder of her husband at Ulfric’s hands.  Given that Marenia’s Atronach birthsign renders her immune to magic and thus nearly invulnerable to the Thu’um, she’d actually be willing to contend with Ulfric herself were it not that he’s younger and more battle-ready than she is, therefore more likely to defeat her in a mundane fight.  That, and an Imperial Legate who’s also the Thane of Solitude killing Ulfric would, without question, set Skyrim ablaze with an immediate civil uprising worse than Ulfric had already started.

For context, buckle in for a history lesson, because I started typing and forgot to stop.

The whole drive behind Ulfric and the Stormcloak uprising is - allegedly - due to a sense of betrayal by the Empire.  The Third Aldmeri Dominion was waging war against the Empire and was winning - had it gone on further, the Dominion would have eventually overthrown the Empire and moved on to take everything else as well.  To halt this, the Empire signed a peace treaty called the “White-Gold Concordat” that ended the war, though it was very much on the Aldmeri Dominion’s terms.  Among the various terms of the treaty was a religious ban that forbade the worship of Talos; formerly a human named Tiber Septim who ascended to godhood and was worshiped heavily by the people of Skyrim.  Given that the Aldmeri Dominion are Elf-supremacists, squashing worship a hero-god born of man rather than of the original Divines was clearly a priority on their part.

A large portion of Skyrim’s population - Ulfric in particular - took offense to this.  They felt betrayed by the Empire since they’d all fought alongside against the Dominion and saw the peace treaty as a sign of surrender.  Rather than, y’know, a last-ditch effort to ensure they weren’t all killed and enslaved by the Dominion.  This was made all the more difficult as Ulfric then took part in “The Markarth Incident”, where he used his forces to drive out a native occupation of Forsworn Reachmen from the city through violence, then leveraged occupation of the city against the Empire while holding the entire population of said city hostage.  In return for his cooperation, the disposed leader of Markarth promised Ulfric he and his forces could practice Talos worship within Markarth despite the peace treaty forbidding it.  He killed A LOT of civilians and prisoners during all this mess while the Empire scrambled to try and restore order.

To all this, the Empire pretty much said “Okay, Ulfric, seriously!  You’re slaughtering civilians and occupying an entire city.  We’ll let you worship as you please here, but keep it on the down-low, because if the Dominion finds out you’re going to trigger another war and ALL OF US, including you, are going to die.”

Needless to say, this didn’t work.  The Dominion eventually found out about the situation and the Empire quickly scapegoated Ulfric, saying they had nothing to do with the Talos worship going on there, so as to avoid aforementioned full war that would destroy everything and everyone.  This primarily inspired Ulfric to rise up as a rebel leader, demand Skyrim secede from the Empire as its own independent nation, and take arms against those parts of Skyrim that remained loyal to the Empire to drive them completely out of the region.

We’re just going to pause here for a second and focus on “The Markarth Incident”, because it’s pretty telling about Ulfric’s motives.  Throughout his time as the leader of the Stormcloaks, he goes on about things like wanting independence for the rightful people of Skyrim, and how they should drive out the invasive Empire that’s infected their home.  He rails on about the injustices of the Empire ad nauseum and holds their being forced to cooperate in religious oppression as a primary cause for his hatred of them.

Remember those Forsworn Reachmen?  The ones who took over Markarth and who Ulfric violently slaughtered to assume control of the city?  Yeah, those guys are the original natives of that region, while Nords (the “true sons of Skyrim”, to hear Ulfric tell it) are immigrants who settled there in ages past.  The Reachmen were involved in a civil war with the Empire-controlled Skyrim because their land, people, and religion were being crushed underfoot by the Nordic expansion.  They overthrew The Reach region and assumed control of Markarth to hold it as an independent nation for two years of relative peace, while making strides to be recognized as their own kingdom by the Empire.

So what we’ve got here is a group of religiously, culturally, and socially oppressed native people being crushed underfoot by a greater empire rising up to reclaim their land and secede as an independent nation.  They are summarily obliterated by Ulfric and his forces, all while Ulfric claims that he is part of a religiously, culturally, and socially oppressed native people being crushed underfoot by a greater empire rising up to reclaim their land and secede as an independent nation.

And, no, he does not appear to be even remotely aware of the hypocrisy.

He does all this, mind you, while literally holding the people and city of Markarth hostage and figuratively holding THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE EMPIRE hostage.  Because in his demands of being allowed to openly worship Talos, he is openly and knowingly defying the peace treaty between the Empire and Dominion.  He knows for a fact that the Dominion would take that as an act of war and begin another campaign, which he wants because he’s a hardcore nationalist warmonger.  Consequences be damned.

Back to the main thrust of the history lesson.

After the signing of the White-Gold Concordat peace treaty, Ulfric went to the current High King of Skyrim - King Torygg of Solitude - to challenge him in an honor duel.  While Ulfric claims this was a gesture to show how weak Skyrim had become under Imperial leadership, he’d been vying for position of High King himself and had been passed over as a potential among the elected Jarls of Skyrim because he constantly railed about wanting to renew the war with the Dominion and his beef with the Empire.  Hardly a suitable attitude for a king in the wake of a peace treaty having just ended the war.  As they’re both Nords, Torygg had no choice but to accept the challenge to a duel; their culture demands that such challenges be honored.  Mind you, at this point, Ulfric is capable of using the Thu’um - Dragon shouts of immense supernatural power - and Torygg is 100% aware that he cannot win this fight.  To which Ulfric promptly uses said Thu’um to murder Torygg, disrupt the unified leadership of Skyrim, and incite a civil war within the region against the Empire.

Now there is debate over whether the slaying of Torygg was murder or if it was an honorable duel to the death.  The problem here is that everyone who says it was totally fair and level is Ulfric and people who favor Ulfric, while literally everyone else in Skyrim - including Torygg’s own ghost after death - say otherwise.  There’s also the fact that Ulfric used the Thu’um to take victory; even in Ulfric’s own telling of events, he claims to have used the Thu’um in the fight.  So, no matter which side we’re looking at, the fact remains that Ulfric picked a pointless fight that he knew was going to be an absolute unfair curbstomp in his favor.  Hardly the “honorable” choice by anyone’s count, let alone the Nord’s.  He also previously used the Thu’um against the Reachmen in “The Markarth Incident” so we know he also has no problem turning that power on anyone else outside of the conditions of an honor duel.

Also, just something to keep in mind - even in the context of an honor duel, Ulfric didn’t have to kill Torygg.  The traditions of the Nords historically shows that defeating an opponent is all that’s necessary, which follows with surrender, banishment, or death based on the terms chosen at the time of the challenge.  Ulfric didn’t need to kill Torygg - he chose to.  This is very telling of Ulfric’s personality that, in a situation where he held overwhelming power and stood in a position to knowingly cause untold damage to countless lives, he specifically and intentionally chose the most destructive route.

In his own practice as leader of his people, Ulfric actively promotes racism and the abuse of non-Nord people to various degrees, regardless of their citizenship as people of Skyrim.  He forces Dunmer populations into slums and flat-out forbids Argonians from even entering his city, despite his own father having allowed it.  Despite his claims of wanting Skyrim freed for the benefit of its people, he openly ignores Khajit caravans and non-Nord populated towns in need of help or protection within Skyrim.  The only time he shows any tolerance or fondness for non-Nord people are when they’re subservient to him and act entirely within the conditions he sets as being “acceptable” or “honorable”.  Which, as we’ve seen so far by his past actions, are entirely subjective concepts that he happily bends to suit his desires.  One can’t even claim something as off as “well, he may be a violent racist, but at least he loves his fellow Nords.  Doesn’t that count for something?” because we’ve also seen in his treatment of Torygg and citizens of Markarth that he 100% has no problem at all turning on his fellow Nords.  All he has to do is label them as “traitors” to whatever he decides is “the Nord way” at the moment and he’s suddenly perfectly fine with slaughtering them.

[adhoption]

GAME OF MORONES S8 E2

season 8 spoilers and bad jokes below

James Lannister is a moron!

do you kids like trolley problems? well here’s a fun puzzle for you: the mad king is going to burn thousands of people alive, including your father. you can a) let him or b) stop him by killing him instead. what do you do?

fine, that one was easy, so here’s an ADVANCED problem:

having done the right thing and killed the king, everyone is having a go at you for murdering the king. do you a) stay silent and let resentment grow and only bad things happen, or b) explain you’re actually a hero and let only friendship and good things happen. 

it’s a tough one! on the one hand, the unchecked resentment in the past has spiralled into literal wars. on the other, the one person you have revealed the truth to has literally fallen in love with you because you’re a hero.

so when approaching a dragon queen who wants to execute you for killing her father the king, it’s probably best to just not mention it

brienne: yeah I second that, let’s not mention the massive plot twist we found out about a few seasons ago, dany’s still on season 1 of westeros

three-eyed bran: well I watched it happen and could vouch for him but I’ll probably just share an in-joke about the time I watched him fuck his sister

Danny Targaryen is a moron!

context is important!

1. she is in a room where everybody’s father is dead after fighting everybody else’s father. 

2. literally last episode she told sam that she killed his father and brother by burning them alive (because they were bad guys) and expected his forgiveness. 

3. in this episode she mentions that the last guy she fell in love with and trusted was the guy who killed her own brother (because he was a bad guy). 

4. tyrion literally killed jaime’s father (because he was a bad guy) and jaime is still here. 

tyrion also killed davos’s sons by burning them alive, and brienne killed the love of his life, and she thought she killed the hound, but they’ll all chat together. it’s almost like they’re all murderers and they’ve been on the opposite side of wars for years and that stuff happens. 

but the reason dany can’t forgive jaime is that HE KILLED HER FATHER, (who was FAMOUSLY a good guy and not a bad mad guy at all).

also the consistency of which people are blamed for their families is nice. the lannisters are responsibile for what their sister/father/nephew does (although admittedly in the lannisters you are more likely to BE your own nephew). dany is not responsible for her father/brothers, but gets some comments about it. gendry’s dad literally threw her family out of the country and tried to have her killed and killed jon’s dad because he wanted to fuck his mum. he’s the eldest son and sort of heir to robert the usurper. nobody even notices him. well, arya notices his arms.

tyrion has made MISTAKES and must be PUNISHED. dany has never made a mistake and definitely wasn’t forced to leave the last place she ruled because she mistakenly slaughtered half the city and caused a terrorist group to rise up against her. also worth noting that she then married the son of one of the guys she killed, expecting him to instantly forgive her after she threw him in prison... and KILLED HIS FATHER.

after jorah says tyrion is a good boy she abruptly flips from 100% ‘tyrion is a moron and I need to fire him’ to 100% ‘tyrion is the greatest genius of our age and his unique precious brain must be protected at all costs’ and should never be risked in battle

jon, the heir to the throne who actually is precious and unique, a beloved ruler and leader of people, a successful military strategist, can be risked in battle. bran, who literally knows everything and actually is precious and unique, can be risked in battle. sam, who is every bit as much a book wizard and brought them minor pieces of knowledge like dragonglass and R+L, can be risked in battle. but tyrion once said something witty, therefore he goes straight into the nerd safe.

to be fair to tyrion, he has done clever, impressive things as a hand before. probably the most impressively clever strategy thing he did was when he defended king’s landing against assault from a larger army when taking command of the defence and leading from the front line. it therefore makes sense to preserve that mind by locking him safely away when the castle is under threat of assault from a larger army.

Samwise and Three-eyes are morons!

when in a room with soldiers who are literally facing death and have killed people and almost died in many fights before, and in two cases literally died, and a couple more bascially did, and who have lost many loved ones to death, it’s important to lecture them on what death is really about. is it about literally dying, being stabbed through the heart? no, you idiots, it’s about being forgotton. 

the night king wants to win this war and crush the world of the living. that’s why rather than targetting their strongest fighters and dragonriders, he will target bran, the boy in the wheelchair who says cryptic nonsense once per episode. why? because he has the best memory, and to crush the world of the living you need to crush all memory of it. which is somehow a priority over... actually crushing it, whilst it still exists, right now, whilst everyone remembers it and can see it. wiping all memories should be on the list, but only as a completist clearing up the loose ends. 

‘where should we attack first, the guard towers?’ ‘no, we need to get to the library first to rip up all their books’ ‘why?’ ‘because life is memory, and the books will remember them’ 'but... the living people are still alive. you don’t just need to remember them, they’re right here. when you’re ripping up books the living, breathing guards can just come and stab you?’

if it was like... bran can see them coming, he has powers, he can travel in time, they’ll want to eliminate him AS A THREAT, or they want to USE HIS POWERS FOR EVIL, that’s fine, that’s better. but not like this.

the episode had a lot of lazy writing where they’d thought of a Cool Quote ‘dying is forgetting’ and tried to find a place to shoehorn it in but didn’t really do it properly so in context it made no sense. 

same thing with ‘do you want to go anywhere else in your life, what’s on the bucket list?’ ‘I’d like to go back to naath’ (if you didn’t put on a northern accent and say ‘but you’re in the naath’ you’re watching it wrong’) with the sudden jump to ‘we’re a peaceful people, we can’t defend ourselves’ ‘we’re not a peaceful people’. cool line, but no mention of any threat or anything so it made no sense.

if it was ‘I was taken by slavers, it wouldn’t be safe to stay there, we’re a peaceful people, we can’t defend ourselves’ fine. or anything along those lines. but not like this.

other points

I always thought winter was the fourth season but it turns out it’s the eighth

arya is 18 and maisie williams is 22 but game of thrones fans were shocked to see her having sex, because none of them had sex that young.

“well we’ve shown orgies, we’ve shown rape, we’ve shown incest, we’ve shown paedophilia, this episode we’ve had a guy talk about sleeping with a giant and sucking her breast milk for months, but viewers only laugh, they’re immune, how can we shock them like we used to?” “show a 22 year old actress without a shirt on” “wow that’s messed up”

did she tell gendry to stick her with the pointy end

if the writers don’t play duel of the fates when she is wielding her double-ended lightsaber thingy they are missing a trick

beric dondarrion has the most ridiculous protagonist energies, handsome young lord the ladies fancy, known as the lightning lord, does great at a tourney and is sent to slay an evil giant, dies, gets brought back to life by god and becomes robin hood, leading a brotherhood out of nowhere to challenge the great powers of the realm, dies several more times and gets brought back to life because as well as being robin hood he is also jesus, of all the major character dying he alone has a Holy Purpose, so he journeys up to go beyond the wall to face death with his magic flaming sword just because of destiny, always talks like he’s the smooth action hero, he naturally fits the answer to every prophecy the others are bending the rules to get stannis or dany to fit, and when he talks to people they’re just like shut up beric

hang on let me catch up here: bran is technically the lord stark, but if he says he is a bird instead sansa is the heir to the north, plus she married ramsay so inherits it from him anyway, and she is also apparently lady of the vale, and tyrion is technically heir to the westerlands as jaime is a kingsguard, so that there’s a pretty sweet power couple if they decide they’re still married after all

also in theory gendry would be the heir to house baratheon and the stormlands, and if the lannister made the tarlys the lords of the reach sam is the heir to that, and jon is the targaryen heir to the crownlands, so we have the wardens of the north south east and west and the stormlands in one castle as well as the king of both the seven kingdoms and the north again, but almost none of this is mentioned or explored and they all keep following dany who is the rightful heir of nothing????? 

[robbiwrites717]

Master list of my Davekat fic recs. This is long so keep reading for the entire list. Also, unless a fic was explicit I included it on this list so be aware and still read the tags! I wanted to include my thoughts about each fic but it’s been well over a year since I read most of them and it would have been exhausting to read back through all of them so i just included the authors’ summaries instead. I have major respect for every fic and author on this list, seriously they’re amazing <3 Happy Reading 

A Bump in the Road - by leopharry - Daycare AU (teacher Karkat/gaurdian DAve/kid Dirk) - Ch 1/1 - 10260 words

After earning his Master's degree in education, Karkat can't find a teaching job, so Kanaya gets him a job as a toddler teacher at a daycare, much to his chagrin. Dirk is his quietest and most behaved student; in fact, Karkat has never heard him speak, and he's curious. What kind of person could raise such a child? And just how long will Karkat's patience last in a room full of two year olds?

Alpha Rats Nest - by sicklekind - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 9911 words

Dave and Karkat have a long overdue, late-night discussion about the upcoming final battle (and lots of other things, too). 

AMC Gremlin - by PeachBriseadh - Coffee Shop AU - Ch 1/1 - 2267 

A drive through window is probably not a good place to confess your feelings to the boy of your dreams, particularly when said dream boy is working it.

Apple Juice, Chips, and Bandages - by Weevilo707 - Humanstuck/Convenience Store AU- Ch 2/2 - 5338 words

Every time he comes in he gets the same three things. A bottle of apple juice, a bag of chips, and bandages.

Astronomy in Reverse - by PunkZucchini & sicklekind - Pen Pal AU - Ch 9/10 - 53857 words

Dave and Karkat are intergalactic pen pals, originally paired together for an extra credit school outreach project. Now, three years of correspondence later, they're best friends... and Karkat is finally immigrating to Earth.

Blood Dragon - by Corvid_Knight - Fantasy AU - Ch 8/8 - 11609 words

Fantasy-set homestuck AU in which Dave has a shit life, but he just managed to rescue a dragon...who also happens to be a nice guy. Now he's just got to keep his brother from finding out. Good luck with that, Dave.

Breathe - by Lilith_In_The_Garden - Highschool AU - Ch 31/? - 54700 words

Your name is Dave Strider, and there's nothing good about John and Rose changing schools.Without your twin sister and best friend, you've been left socially crippled at school, and barely coping at home. You're nearly certain that your mental health has been slowly spiraling downhill. You have no clue how you'll last the year to high school graduation. In all this, there's just one single ray of light.Your name is Dave Strider, and there's nothing good about John and Rose changing schools. Except for meeting Karkat Vantas.

Book Covers - by me ( cuz im an egotistical asshole) = College/Guardian AU- Ch 28/28 - 136611 words

Karkat has had a shitty life and has had to bust his ass for everything he has. He has no patience for spoiled, delusional, lazy people and this is exactly what he thinks Dave Strider is. They get paired up together for a project in their college English class and when Karkat accidently learns that Dave is fighting to keep custody of his younger brother Dirk, he learns that he may have been completely wrong about Dave and shouldn't have judged a book by it's cover. A story of two damaged boys coming to each others rescue and growing as people. <3

Broken - by Aurellyn - Pale Romance/Moirallegiance - Ch 1/1 - 18911 words

This has been an increasingly common occurrence recently. Maybe it’s because you’ve got so much time to just sit around and really think, maybe it’s because you don’t really have anyone to talk to, you don’t know, but you’ve been feeling literal oceans of insecure.It’s like someone ripped a bandaid off of an old wound, or broke the dam or some shit, because lately all you can think about are things you never wanted to think about literally ever again. You’ve been thinking about your Bro, your life before the game, and it was only yesterday that it really, truly dawned on you that you’re actually really scarred by it all. The strifing, the constant tiptoeing around the one place that you should feel safe, paranoia of being stalked by a God damn puppet.It haunts you, and it’s maybe had more of an impact on you than you want to admit.

Cold Desert - by gidgit - Neighbor AU - Ch 7/? - 48493 words

Curiosity killed the cat.It probably just wasn't as good at being nosy as Dave is.

countdown until the end of the world - by divingred - Alpha Session/Memories AU - Ch 6/6 - 17291 words

You’ve seen them before, in countless dreams like this, but this is the first time they’re so clear. They’re so big, they seem almost inhuman, not to mention their color. Deep black pupils against golden, almost glowing, sclera. Even though they’re nothing like a pair of human eyes, there’s a softness there. This is someone who cares about you. You don’t want to look away.Your name is Dave Strider and you feel like you’re forgetting something important.((au where alpha dave picks up a certain troll))

Demon Eyes - by Corvid_Knight - Demon/Hunter AU - Ch 28/28 - 84335 words

In which Dave goes in to kill a demon for his bro, and things...don't exactly go as planned. Really, absolutely nothing goes as planned, but that's...somehow okay. Mostly.

Don’t Forget the Sun - by Weevilo707 - stranded Alien AU - Ch 23/?(DISCONTINUED) - 204539 words

Karkat Vantas always accepted the fact that he was not going to live past nine sweeps. It was just a certainty of his sad, miserable life. At least, that was until his friends found out and decided to hatch a plan to get him out of the Alternian empire. A plan that actually worked.Now, he was stranded on an alien planet, at the mercy of some strange creature that was either trying to help him or going about some freaky ritual of flirting with your food before you eat it.Also, aliens have sunglasses.He was better off dying on Alternia, wasn't he?

falling in love's a struggle - by divingred - college AU - Ch 4/? - 7784 words

“What. The. Fuck,” You manage to spit out, “Kanaya, did Terezi just bring a human?”Who the fuck is this guy anyway!? You stare daggers at the guy. He’s tall… pale, with light hair, wearing an obnoxiously bright red jacket and black skinny jeans. He’s even wearing sunglasses at night, what a complete fucking douchebag. The complete opposite of you.--or alternatively titled; falling in love with your ex-girlfriend's new awful boyfriend

File It Down, Polish It Up - by introsquirrel - Ch 1/1 - 20713 words

Trolls have some weird priorities. They can’t bring themselves to invent conditioner, but they have automatic manicure kits and gossip about which blood caste produces the best in claw hygiene. Dave has never really given much thought to the state of his nails. His time is better spent memorizing lame movie quotes and actively *not* flirting with the grumpy troll version of the Second Coming.On an unrelated note, being a teenage boy is hard. Literally. (Insert dick joke here.) It’s hard and having a hot sister doesn’t help in the slightest. Not that Dave finds his sister attractive in any way.Nope, not going there.

Fortuitous - by Java_bean - meteorstuck - Ch 21/? - 111066 words

Dave and Karkat build a pillow fort and an unexpected chain of events occurs.

Hard To Stay And Watch You Walk Away - by LandofMistandSecrets - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 7502 words

I thought too hard about scenes that happened in the GO timeline that we never saw the retcon version of and then this came out. The "will we still be able to be best bros" conversation re-imagined for post-retcon. Somehow Karkat is even more insecure. Also I always wanted Rose and Karkat to talk in canon so hey have a bunch of them too, thanks.

hey there bright-eyed mister melancholy - by attentionmerrymakers - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1/ - 2338 words

This is why you are sitting in Can Town making your fifty-sixth scale replica of a sheep.

how...did you tell your friends - by sburbanite - post sburb/sgrub - Ch 4/4 - 7906 words

Unfortunately, you don't fancy your brother's suggestion on how to break the news to John...There's no other way out of it, you're going to have to just tell him.

If I Lose Everything In The Fire - by HexMeridan (myrainbowshoelaces) -  pacific rim AU - Ch 20/22 - 108975 words

The Kaiju - or Horrorterrors, as the trolls call them - first invaded Earth through a transdimensional rift at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Serving the Condesce in her quest to add Earth to the Alternian Empire, these monsters have terrorized humanity for twelve years. With the help of rebel troll factions and the adaptation of Alternian mind integration technology - The Drift - the Interspecies Defense Program has fought back as the last line of defense between the Kaiju and Earth.Karkat Vantas was a Jaeger pilot, fought for freedom in the Assault on the Breach that brought trolls to Earth. The loss of his co-pilot left him bitter and full of rage, but desperate times have lead to him being recruited to join the fray once more.Dave Strider is the best and brightest the Interspec program has to offer. Jaeger Restoration Project Head, highest simulation score on record, and younger brother of the Deputy Marshal - except he's not allowed in a Jaeger.Nobody expects them to be Drift Compatible

Improvidence - by biodigitaljazz - Meteorstuck Series - Four separate multi chapter fics 

Part 1 - Your name is Karkat Vantas.Your life is unnecessarily complicated. Part 2 - Your name is Dave Strider.You’re the baddest MC this side of the meteor and damn do you know it. Part 3 - Your name is Karkat Vantas.And you are the most beautiful and superlative specimen of complete and total relationship failure in the history of everyone and everything. Part 4 - Your name is Dave Strider.You really wish you could remember everything.

Locked Up - Weevilo - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 9272 words

Dave had always been the one best prepared for the game. He was able to handle the shit it threw at them and push it down a lot better than everyone else could.It might have fucked up everything else about him, but that didn't matter.He was fine.He was always fucking fine.

Love in the Time of Juggalos - by sburbanite - Alpha timeline AU - Ch 37/37 -  80521 words

Alpha-Dave has everything anyone could want: fame, fortune, legions of adoring fans, and a shitty hatchback car.

But behind the shades is a man who knows the world is ending, and who wakes each morning expecting to see a lover who isn't there. Someone he's never even met. 

M.C. Escher that’s my favorite MC - by Unda - Soulmate AU - Ch 42/? - 587474 words

Dirk has a plan, when he's 18 he's going to take Dave and get him the fuck out of their terrible lives and start over. Until then being the barrier between Dave and Bro is his only job, his soulmate is just going to have to wait goddamnit. Dave has a plan, it involves getting internet famous and not going gay, easy right? Karkat also has a plan, to repeatedly track down his dumb as rocks soulmate and get him to actually talk to him for fuck's sake.

Palisades, Palisades - by magicites - Summer Camp AU - Ch 4/4 - 46,422 words

In your memories, you see Dave Strider, fourteen-years-old and made up of lean muscle and awkward limbs that he would still need a few years to grow into fully. Crows surround him, all cawing impatiently, vying for the chicken sandwich in his backpack. He swears loudly as he swings a stick at them, trying to get them to leave him the fuck alone.“Stupid feathery assholes,” he’d always complain once he finally shooed them away.You tear yourself out of the memory. You miss him, and you hate yourself for it.

Perspective - by MsGeekNerd - Meteorstuck - Ch 85/85 - 63833 words 

In which Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas are Bored as Hell and Eventually Grow Close to Each Other in Multiple WaysKarkat wants nothing more then to be entertained, Dave can supply that entertainment.A story of friendship turned crush between my favorite dorks

Purrbeast - by wittykitsune - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 1140 words

Dave takes a dare to pet the grumpiest troll on the meteor. Instead of violence he is met with a very different reaction.

Reclassify - by notwest - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 2917 words

warning: this is a highly cliched, self indulgent first kiss meteorficyou know you love it though

Songs Made on the Meteor - by apocalypticTaco - Meteorstuck - Ch 3/6 - 11752 words

Once the train of aimless tree blabber has left the station, you remember why you agreed to meet up in the first place. Leaning forward to sit up properly, you turn to Dave.“So,” you say, “what did you want to show me?”“Oh! Yeah, I forgot about that, sorry. The topic just fucking strayed from me like some kind of toddler seeing a candy store and waddling away from mom. Chubby little bastard gets me this time. Here.” He plops out one of those music tables onto his lap, and motions for you to come closer.

(It's music, and along the way they fall in love.)

Sun - by mintboy - highschool Au - Ch 8/? - 14205 words

I’ll never be able to do what other teenagers get to do. When the world robs your health from you, robs your face from you, they rob from you everything else you’ve ever wanted. Because people are fucked up. And all they see is what’s on the outside.Inspired by the book Wonder by R. J. Palacio.

The Calm is Terrifying When the Storm is All You’ve Known - by happikatt- no-sburb AU - Ch 39/39 - 178722 words

There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.Slow burn, shifting perspectives; romance really isn't the focus here but it'll still play a significant part; extra content warnings will be posted with each relevant chapter

The Highlights of being a Split End - by Introsquirrel - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 7381 words

On the list of "Things Karkat Needs to Remember To Pack for Surviving This Fucking Game, In Order of Priority," hair styling utensils fell somewhere between "rubble that crushed my lusus" and "last sweep's decomposable trash, recently unburied from the back lawnring, along with all those bodies of the undead I had to kill." In other words, somebody needs to give that boy a brush.

The Lucky Ones - by daniomalley - Stowaway AU - Ch 10/10 - 51182 words

Lost and stranded on a ship millions of miles from Earth, Dave wants nothing more than to stay hidden from the crew until he can get somewhere safe. But then he runs into another fugitive and suddenly things become a lot more complicated.

the sun coming through - by astrogyaru - College AU - Ch 11/? - 98804 words

You're not sure what to expect when you go to college out of state, in a place that you've never been to before and where you only know one person. Awkwardness, definitely, and a little bit of homesickness, too. Falling in love with your internet buddy's best friend that you kind of hate, not so much, but somehow it happens anyway.Or: Dave and Karkat fall in love, from both of their perspectives.

Time Travel and Troll Grubs - by Corvid_Knight - Earth-C - Ch 16/? - 24723 words

AU in which Dave has An Idea and follows through with it, leading to him and Karkat raising a shitton of grubs.

“Truth or Truth?” - by assumare - Meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 4799 words

Dave and Karkat kill time on the meteor together and play a human party game to learn about each other's lives before the game and prepare for what may come after.The meteor was not a place you could spend time alone. At least, not out in the open.

Waffle House - by notwest - humanstuck - Ch 4/? - 15487 words

Dave Strider is almost 18 years old. His hobbies include avoiding Bro and eating at Waffle House.In the worst moments of his life, Dave finds comfort in a run down restaurant, the family he never knew he had, and in one particularly cranky waiter.

What To Do When Your Boyfriend Is Too Hot - by ayyyy(RosaAquafire) - Earth C - Ch 1/1 - 6846 words

Moving to a new universe and a new paradigm brings a lot of changes. And Dave kind of likes the way things were before, back on the Meteor, when he had Karkat all to himself and didn't spend sleepless nights waiting for the shoe to fall.

Within, Without - by reinkist - Meteorstuck - Ch 37/37 - 78311 words

Dave just wants to be left alone. What's the point of anything when what's broken can never be completely fixed?This is the story of Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas, on the longest journey of their lives.

Your Interpersonal, Intergalactic Relationship: A Beginner’s Guide - by sicklekind - meteorstuck - Ch 1/1 - 8342 words

A beginner's guide to playing hopscotch, overcoming internalized homophobia, and falling in love with your alien best friend.Disclaimer: results may take up to three (3) years to appear.

[razberryyum]

Gintama manga chaps 656 & 657

Dear Gintama gods and Sorachi-sama,

I am going to just say right off the bat that this last chapter was unbelievably difficult for me to get through: I felt every stab that pierced through Sadaharu as if I was the one being attacked. By the time he found his way back to the Yorozuya and his old box, I was pretty much near a sobbing wreck. You see, I blame myself for Sadaharu's condition. I had been asking you in each of my recent letters to please not hurt the puppy too much, but then I lapsed in my writing and ended up grouping these last four chapters into only two letters and thereby reducing my prayers by two. I know I should be counting my blessings that you didn't straight out just kill him for my failure to sufficiently uphold my part of the bargain, but trust me when I say watching him being turned into a puppy pin cushion by Utsuro and his Tendoshuu zombies was punishment enough. I absolutely hate Utsuro for hurting Sadaharu that way, and I hope he gets stabbed a dozen times more by Gintoki and the other Joui boys as retaliation.  

I'm glad that Sadaharu was at least able to make it back home and I hope they are able to give him strawberry milk to his heart's content so that he could heal from his injuries. Sorachi-sama, you cannot kill him. If the next chapter consists of Sadaharu's farewell death scene, you will literally destroy me. I am positive I cannot bear it. Please don't crush my heart like that. I know there has to be more fatalities as a result of this war and the eventual battle against Utsuro, and they have to be fatalities that we care about, but killing Sadaharu would simply too much of a gut punch. To be honest, I might have to take a break for a while in order to recover from such a shock. I don't think you are that cruel...or rather, I HOPE you are not that cruel, but then again, if the "last" character poll is any indication, we might very well be nearing the endgame (I am still trying to dissuade you from that by the sheer power of denial at this point), so any deaths from here on forth will have to count and have meaning. What better way to turbo boost everyone's resolve than by sacrificing one of the most lovable and adorable character of the bunch.  I would hate that we have to go down such a gut-wrenching path, but I would begrudgingly understand it. My only true hope at this point is that we might still need Sadaharu to close the dragon gate. Even though I had previously ruminated over the possibility of Umibouzu's non-terrestrial crystals playing a role in that task instead, now that Sadaharu's life is seriously on the line, I hope he and Komako-chan will still end up being the heroes that put the dragon to rest.  

And though I joked about Hasegawa receiving no credit whatsoever even if he does succeed in saving everyone on the Amenotori and ergo Earth, I hope at the very least Hatsu ends up believing what he had accomplished and finally, permanently, gets back together with him. He deserves that much, and maybe his old job back officially, even though I doubt immigration will be high on the government's priority list considering the amount of rebuilding that would have to happen first. I'm glad he came up with an actually sound plan that wouldn't requiring sacrificing everyone on the ship. Luckily the remaining Liberation army finally woke up and decided to defect to the side of Earth; I doubt Hata's fleet would have done much to slow down the Amenotori since they lack the numbers to have much of an effect. There was something rather familiar about the formation of the Liberation Army's ships and shields however, which made me wonder if you were inspired by the Guardians of the Galaxy movie and most of those guys will end up perishing in their efforts, much like the Nova Corps fleet did when they tried to prevent the Dark Aster from crashing onto their planet. It will be an honorable death at least, probably more honorable than most of those Liberation Army idiots deserve considering they had a hand in perpetrating this entire mess. I am grateful though that I don't have to worry about the safety of Zura, Sakamoto, Takasugi, and the others for now: at least there's a good chance they can escape from the ship before it's blown into smithereens to prevent it from plummetin destructively into the planet.

Even though in a few days I will find out exactly how bad Sadaharu's condition is, I will still like to take this one last opportunity to ask you to please, spare him. Let him be revitalized in time by the elixir that is strawberry milk.  The same goes for Komako-chan. I would like for them both to remain well and alive so that eventually one day, when the conflict is over and the dust has settled, they can get together and produce more adorable inugami puppies to help guard the dragon gate so that the Altana stream will never get out of control again.

Yours truly,

A silly fangirl with yaoi dreams

(^3^)

PS: while the two of them weren't anywhere close together, the fact that Gintoki and Hijikata have remained side-by-side at the top of the character popularity poll is enough for me to rejoice (and Gin-chan is even looking at Toshirou!! Double yayyy!). I would love if their poll positions were to translate into the finality of the series, but that will most likely remain only wishful thinking on my part. At this point, I really will settle for simply more scenes of the two of them interacting before we never get to see them anymore. Ugh, that thought is already enough to make my stomach turn over in sickening anxiety. Anyway, I should thank my fellow Gintama lovers for making such wise polling choices. I also want to agree that I am completely not used to Shinpachi Shinshichi being a #7. There IS something very wrong with that and as much as I love our dear Pachi-kun, he should have remained in his 8th place forever. Unfortunately, I guess we loved him just a little bit too much.  

[thatonehiddenbladeingibraltar]

BABYWATCH BABYWATCH BAY BEE WATCH!!

Make #Babywatch a thing @Blizzard

Gonna do a small story before moving onto specific details (headcanons under the cut)

How someone managed to survive taking care of more than one child was a question Ana Amari often thought of when she tucked Fareeha to bed. It seemed like a nuisance to have babies hanging off your limbs, screaming their lungs off while smacking their toys against God knows what. Unfortunately, that was the situation that Ana found herself in on the battlefield as a dying Talon agent activated a device that emitted multiple rays as she gave the agent a swift shot between their eyes.

‘Better than a slow, ruthless death.’ she thought before disabling the machine with a bullet after checking the area for any potential surviving members that could be affected by the sudden gunshot.

Just as Ana finished storing the device in a pocket, a wail attracted her attention along with the sound of angry babbling. She silently crept towards the source of the commotion only to find what seemed to be two one year olds that looked eerily like Jack and Gabe smacking each other with miniature versions of their weapons and yelling at each other in gibberish. The strangest thing was that they seemed to burst into laughter every few seconds as if they forgot that they were enemies while they continued to smash their guns at full force towards the head or body. A blue blur suddenly dashes by them and attaches itself to Ana’s leg as the woman looked down to see someone that looked like Tracer grinning widely, showing off a few pearly baby teeth.

“Up, up, up!” She begged as she pulled on Ana’s pant leg until the older woman picked her up as she continued to survey her surroundings. A younger Reinhardt and Torbjörn smacked on a crate with mini hammers while two babies that appeared to be the Shimada brothers kept trying to get their dragons to beat each other in a small contained battle. A tiny cowboy hat whizzed by as minuscule bullets were repeatedly fired from a small silver revolver at a tiny Widowmaker and Sombra while a small Mei slid down from a slide made of ice with Symmetra and Lucio following closely. A blonde toddler with a caduceus stick that appeared to be Angela jogged around, zapping Zarya and D.va while Zenyatta (surprisingly unaffected) floating behind in an attempt to keep as many toddlers safe from D.va’s tiny mech and Zarya’s cannon.

“Mama!” A recognizable voice calls out and Ana turns to see a two year old Fareeha walking towards her shakily before catching her daughter and scooping her into her other arm.

“This is going to be fun.” Ana sighs as she watches her daughter try to push a stray lock of hair away from her eyes while Lena began poking at Fareeha’s cheeks.

Jack Morrison/Soldier: 76:

He’s one of the easier babies to take care of. Unless he’s next to Gabe

The two are inseparable and it nearly brings Ana to tears

She and Winston make sure that the two of them are sleeping in the same room, if not in the same crib

Even though the two fight in the makeshift playroom, they always found a way to make up in very unique ways

One time Ana and Winston caught Jack hand Gabe his favorite nesting block as a peace offering before they settled in for the night

Gabe didn’t say anything except that he hugged them before Ana had to break up their little moment

Jack still wears a miniature version of his trademark 76 jacket everyday, even when he’s asleep

If anything, baby Jack reminds Ana and Winston of the old Jack Morrison. The harsh, but caring Strike Commander of Overwatch who still believed that the world was worth saving, even if he died in the process

Of course, a mild version of Strike Commander Jack Morrison. He was a baby after all

Ana remarks to Winston one day as he’s fixing the Talon device that Jack looked less stressed after a single night of sleep

She even found him passed out in a nest of stuffed animals that the other babies and toddlers have left

Always accepts the food and drinks that Ana always gives him, no protests ever

In all honesty, Ana would be heartbroken to see Jack returned to normal, but she understands that all good things have to come to end. Besides, Jack isn’t the only person she would be upset to see as an adult again.

Gabriel Reyes/Reaper:

Somehow, the machine managed to reverse whatever happened to Gabriel in Switzerland

It’s slightly disorienting to see Reaper with a non-corporeal form instead of his usual wraith characteristics

Zenyatta actually helps calm Gabe down when his temper when Ana isn’t around

The behavior shift becomes apparent when it takes him longer to notice that his food isn’t in front of his face at an exact time

Bonus points for Zenyatta since he’s the one who generally deals with Gabe’s diaper

Ana definitely takes the opportunity to snap a few pics, just to remember what Gabe used to look like as a baby

He has definitely played with his claws and scratched himself by accident multiple times

Enough times for Ana to convince Zenyatta to find the highest point on base and leave it there until Gabe’s reversed back to Reaper

Even then, she might just leave it there, simply because she can

There’s a part of Ana that wants to keep Gabe as a baby forever so she doesn’t have to remember that he became one of Overwatch’s top priority targets

If she had to choose between Jack and Gabe to reverse, it would’ve been Jack

Jack wasn’t too far gone, but Gabe? Gabriel Reyes was on a completely different level post-Switzerland

Out of all of the babies/toddlers, Gabe wasn’t easy to take care of

Temperamental, prone to tantrums and the like

Unless of course Jack or Ana were nearby

Him and Jack were attached to the hip at every point of the day, even in bed

If Gabe wasn’t in a crib nearby, he would cry until he was either sleeping in the same crib as Jack or he was in a crib nearby

Don’t ask how he knows if he’s close to Jack, he just knows

He gets on well with baby McCree

Well if getting along well means being McCree’s moving target

Toys, the occasional book, food

This weird goop that toddler Angela may have pulled out of a cabinet from the infirmary

Anything really

Every time McCree does this, Gabe only needs to glare and McCree backs down

Only for a few hours, though. The toddler’s relentless

Gabe and Genji have this silent affection for each other

Anyone can tell that Gabe’s a bit confused at the sight of Genji, but he gets over himself

Besides Pharah, Gabe’s the one that gets a load of bedtime treatment from Ana

She can’t help it, who can resist baby Gabe’s pouty face?

Lena Oxton/Tracer:

It’s almost impossible to keep Tracer in one spot for more than a second

One second she may be playing with a stuffed animal, the next she’s stacking a discarded pile of nesting blocks that Sombra tossed aside

Lena loves chasing Widowmaker around and it’s the most hilarious thing Ana and Winston have seen, aside from McCree trying to sneak attack Hanzo only to get two dragons carrying him to god knows where on base

Toddler Lena, much like adult Lena, loved to be with Winston

If she wasn’t in the playroom that Ana set up, she was at Winston’s side, playing with something she managed to pick up in his lab

Winston may or may not have accidentally gotten little Lena addicted to peanut butter

He swears it was an accident, even as he discreetly hands another jar to the toddler

Seeing Tracer with a tiny chronal accelerator was one of the most adorable, yet terrifying things Ana had to witness

She could blink into the middle of the ocean and no one would even know

Thankfully that hasn’t happened yet

But just in case, Ana asks Winston to modify it so that Lena couldn’t blink anywhere off-base

Lena will eat everything and anything

Same thing goes for drinks

She fidgets as she falls asleep

Even in her sleep, she’s always tossing and turning

It isn’t anything malicious, Lena always has to be moving

Better that she fidgets than get no sleep at all

Lena sometimes babbles for ‘Emily’ and asks where ‘Emily’ is when Ana walks into the room

Ana has absolutely no clue who Emily is until Winston whispers the answer to her

After Winston informs her, she scoops her up and tells her that Emily will be arriving very soon if she behaved

You can bet your top dollar that Ana immediately calls up Emily and jettisons her to the base just so she can take care of Tracer

When Emily finds her girlfriend as a toddler, she wants to laugh, but settles for snapping a few pictures

Reinhardt and Torbjörn:

You thought Jack and Gabe were inseparable? Think again

These two just seem to be the literal incarnation of the hammer bros from Mario

They literally run around smashing the floor with their tiny hammers and it actually isn’t as annoying as anyone may think it is

If it isn’t the floor, it’s the legs of various cribs

Ana and Zenyatta decide to let them run around in a little outdoor area just so they would stop destroying the cribs

Sometimes they smack each other with their hammers, but do they cry about it? Nope

If anything, they just take it in stride

Meals with these two are always fun

Mainly because it’s a good practice of your dodging reflexes

At least that’s what Ana discovered when she tried spoon-feeding them

Now she knows to keep her distance whenever they need food

Winston’s a puke magnet for these two

For some apparent reason that Ana, Zenyatta or Winston can’t seem to figure out

The first thing Winston’s doing with the Talon device is turning Reinhardt and Torbjörn back to their adult bodies because if he gets puked on one more time, he’s going to lose it

Genji:

Okay first off, baby Genji is the most adorable baby you’ll ever see

No lie, every time he gives you a gummy smile, your heart will melt almost instantly

One of the most happiest babies that could ever exist honestly

Even though Ana hadn’t known Genji very well before the fall, Zenyatta does give her little tidbits of his life before Overwatch

Anytime Ana looks at Genji before she leaves the nursery immediately makes her wonder what life for him would’ve been if the Shimada clan hadn’t sent his brother to murder him

Speaking of Hanzo, the two tiny Shimada bros got along well

The two of them brought out their dragons frequently to play with them or use them as a makeshift bed

At night, the noodle dragons would just curl up against both brothers

The dragons seemed perfectly alright with it

If anything, they were just confused that their masters were tiny once more

The only disorienting thing for Zenyatta out of all this was seeing Genji playing with Hanzo

He knows what happened between the two, so seeing them run around like they were the best of friends was strange at first

Somehow, the Talon machine did the same thing to Genji as it did to Gabe

In all honesty, Zenyatta was shocked to see Genji without his cybernetics and have actual flesh and bone in lieu of his armor

Genji did have this weird habit of smashing the new rattle on Hanzo’s arm or leg, which made both Zenyatta and Ana slightly concerned, but when Hanzo cracked a smile, their worries managed to fade away

If Genji started crying, Hanzo would be at his side to comfort him until an adult could arrive

The kids absolutely loved playing with Genji’s dragon, especially when it gave them free rides on its back around the base

In the morning, Ana and/or Zenyatta hated waking up the younger Shimada brother just because he always seemed to be more at peace when he was sleeping

Happy Genji=A much happier day overall

Hanzo:

Hanzo was the only person in the Overwatch team that hadn’t been transformed into one or two year old

Instead he was now the oldest of the entire baby/toddler group at age five

Wonder what that says about him

Since Zenyatta mostly took care of Genji, he also became Hanzo’s main caretaker by de facto

Surprisingly, Hanzo doesn’t have much of an objection to it

He and Zenyatta are alright with it which relieves Ana and Winston to no end

Sometimes, Ana and Zenyatta let Hanzo hold baby Genji before they make sure all of the kids are asleep

Babbles Japanese when he’s awake or asleep

Athena helpfully translates what Hanzo’s saying when he spews a coherent amount of words with the archer looking at the AI curiously

If Hanzo isn’t around his little brother, McCree’s at his side, trying to annoy him

Noodle dragon burrito blanket. Enough said

Since he’s older, Ana and Winston let Hanzo play with his miniature bow and arrow more often than the other children

Because we all know what happens when you give Reinhardt and Torbjörn their hammers

Even though all three caretakers don’t know the archer well previously, they’re glad that they got to know Hanzo before they transformed him back into an adult

Jesse McCree:

It’s almost impossible to pry tiny Peacekeeper from his fingers when Ana gets off the dropship

She already has to keep tiny Widowmaker from murdering Tracer and make sure that Sombra doesn’t pull any tricks on the ship itself

Ana could sleep easier if she didn’t have to deal with McCree trying to shoot anything with an actual revolver with live bullets that are minuscule enough for Winston to say that anyone would need to use a microscopic lens if any of the bullets ever lodged itself into a target

McCree still has a tiny cowboy hat, even when he goes to sleep

The minute he gets out of his crib, he immediately searches either food, a drink or a spare rattle so he can pretend that he still has Peacekeeper with him

It was honestly such a captivating sight for Ana 

Only a while ago, she was helping a young McCree settle into Overwatch and Blackwatch

She even remembered helping him settle down after a particulary harsh reprimand from Gabe and introduced him to Fareeha in an attempt to find a way to calm down in the future

Needless to say, the two of them got along extremely well

Always babbling to one of the children, especially Pharah or Hanzo

He can’t go to sleep unless he has both his cowboy hat and a rattle. Otherwise, be prepared for a screaming baby until both of those wishes are fulfilled

Zenyatta generally stays out of McCree’s way since both Shimada brothers often take up most of his time, but when McCree’s with Hanzo, expect Zenyatta to persuade baby McCree into a short nap just for him to quiet down for a few precious hours

It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it seems like even Zenyatta himself looks a bit younger

A very charming baby truth be told

One of the more popular babies, but he definitely enjoy a bit of time to himself

Baby McCree loves messing with Gabe a lot

Ana reasons that it’s his revenge for all the times he was scolded by the man

Honestly it’s the only reason that’s plausible enough for Ana to believe

Widowmaker and Sombra:

Whether Widow likes it or not, she and Sombra are attached at the hip

Where one goes, so does the other

Ana knows that Sombra’s the one behind Tracer’s malfunctioning chronal accelerator at the end of the day, especially since the two year old could be seen smirking as Lena tried her best to not fade out of existence for a one year old

It eventually becomes enough for Winston and Ana to find a way to disable Sombra’s hacking ability while she’s asleep

When they do, they finally relax, knowing that they have one less thing to worry about for now

Even though Widowmaker doesn’t have her machine gun anymore, she still has her recon visor on her

This proves to be extremely helpful when trying figuring out what lunch and dinner were going to be for the kids

She doesn’t talk too much, mostly to Sombra and occasionally Gabe

Widow deliberately avoids Jack and Angela, knowing deep down that she would be in trouble if she were in close proximity to those two

Ana keeps a closer eye on both Widowmaker and Sombra

Even though they’re only four and two, you’d be surprised as to how much chaos they could stir up in one day

Symmetra/Satya Vaswani, Lúcio and D.va:

Those three are the Golden Trio of Overwatch (second generation of course)

They remind Ana and Winston so much of the early days of Overwatch when it was her with Jack and Gabe

Out of the three, Symmetra enjoys being with Ana the most

She’s often sitting in a portable high chair next to Ana as she bustles around the kitchen, preparing a group meal

If Jack and Gabe get into one of their ‘fights’, the three of them tackle the two friends before anything serious could happen

And by tackle, I mean shoving stuffed animals in their faces as a distraction before dragging them to opposite sides of the room until they’ve both calmed down

Mama Ana’s so proud

Lúcio and D.va are often in mini competitions (who can build the hightest tower, who has the best toy, etc.) with Symmetra

Especially when Ana lets them play on child-friendly mobile apps

The competitions steep almost immediately

Thank God it doesn’t escalate to Jack and Gabe levels

Symmetra loves making new instruments for Lúcio when she sees them from a story that Ana or Zenyatta reads to them at night

You can hear Lúcio rocking out to them the next morning

Their beds are all in a single row next to each other

It makes it easier for Ana to put them to sleep since they all fall asleep at the same time

Mei, Zarya, Angela Ziegler/Mercy:

Baby Angela’s always right behind either Mei or Zarya while the two mess with their now tiny weapons

A golden beam’s always engulfing the two at various points of the day just so the things that get thrown at them doesn’t ache as much

Those two are just targets for the other kids for some reason

Yes, Angela has healed various others before. No, Ana doesn’t know about it yet

Yet

Mei loves freezing various toys that she and Zarya agree to getting rid of before Zarya sends it flying across the room and the two watch it smash in an icy cascade against the wall

Yes, this has happened many times. Yes, Ana knows about it

Is she gonna do anything about it? Probably not

As long as no one’s injured and no one gets upset, she’s alright with it

Zarya loves annoying Genji and will gleefully try and outrun his dragon if she manages to annoy him

It’s a challenge for herself to see how many times she can push his buttons every day

Sometimes Zarya has to deal with three dragons if Hanzo catches her in the act

Angela’s always there with her mini caduceus staff at the ready to patch up any wounds

Pharah/Fareeha Amari:

Out of all of the babies Ana could feel the most nostalgia for, it would be Pharah

She still had vivid memories bringing her home from the hospital after giving birth to her

Ana takes care of Fareeha the most since she knew what her daughter would want the most

Pharah’s taste haven’t changed since she was a child, but there are a few changes there

She prefers having a lullaby sung to her in Arabic instead of English (when it was the opposite in the past), her sleep schedule’s slightly different and she does have a bit more difficulty falling asleep

Fareeha still enjoyed baby McCree’s company and sometimes spent time with Emily and baby Lena

When Ana picked her up for bed, sometimes she might find a tiny braid Emily gave her when she was playing with Tracer’s hair

Ana may be older, but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t handle a baby strapped to her chest

Winston doesn’t question it when baby Pharah bounces in her baby carrier

Ana even brings out former methods to get her daughter to eat when she’s a bit fussy, which surprises her a bit, but what can you expect from a baby? They lived on a completely separate level from everyone else

Seeing the glee on Fareeha’s face instantly washes away the stress from Ana’s life, just like it did all those years ago

Especially when she giggles. Good Lord, Ana loves hearing her daughter giggle

Tagging: @chesswatchesclouds @thepandadrawer @thekittenships (please tell me if you don’t want to be tagged) @templarboyband @elise-the-assassin

[nobodylovespercy10]

Oookay. So let’s say I get the part about Percy being too loyal and him wanting to protect his friends. 

But why would have they all failed if he did try to help them? In order to the defeat Gaia, The Seven (*cough cough* actually just Jason, Piper and Leo *cough cough* ) were supposed to take her out of her domain, the earth. They did just that and they fought her on Ouranus’s domain- the sky. But wouldn’t it have been the same thing if they fought her on Pontus’s domain- the ocean? It would’ve been the exact same thing. And besides his water powers, Percy can also make earthquakes, which would have been a useful tool against the Earth Goddess. Now you could tell me that Percy, being only a demigod, would not have stood a chance against a deity as strong as Gaia. But Jason’s powers were enough to get her out of the Earth (”As they ascended, Jason gathered the wind and clouds around him. The sky responded with frightening speed. Soon they were in the eye of a maelstrom. Lightning burned his eyes. Thunder made his teeth vibrate. Directly above them, Festus grappled with the earth goddess. Gaia kept disintegrating, trying to trickle back to the ground, but the winds kept her aloft.”) so why wouldn’t Percy’s powers be enough? I even dare say that Percy is more powerful than Jason, but that’s a conversation for another day. 

Secondly, the “It was the other demigods’ chance to shine” part and the fact that Percy’s sacrifice was to step out of the limelight. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure Percy has never even wanted to be in the limelight. This poor kid has been kicked out of all the schools he has ever attended. He has always been the new kid and we all know that’s never easy and that it draws a lot of attention. Add to that the fact that Percy’s always been labeled as a troublemaker due to his looks and his reputation from past schools. All Percy’s ever wanted was to bend with the crowd and have a normal life. (The way he felt after he’d been claimed still breaks my heart every day: “And I was absolutely miserable. Just when I'd started to feel accepted, to feel I had a home in cabin eleven and I might be a normal kid- or as normal as you can be when you're a half-blood-I'd been separated out as if I had some rare disease.”) So no, I don’t think that stepping out of the limelight would be a sacrifice for Percy. 

Then maybe Percy had to realize that this time he was not the only child of the prophecy? That he was not the hero anymore? Well then, let me tell you this: he’s done that already too. The final battle from TLO was fantastic because it hasn’t been some big explosion or anything like that- the battle between the two armies had been outside. But the real last fight had been inside the throne room and it had been Percy realizing that even if he was the “half-blood of the eldest gods” that the prophecy mentioned, he was not the hero whose soul shall be ripped by the cursed blade. Rachel’s message was clear enough: “Perseus, you are not the hero”. The moment Percy gave Luke that knife and stood weaponless in front of his biggest enemy- that was the moment Percy admitted he was not the hero, that was the moment he “stepped out of the limelight”. He could have tried to kill Kronos himself, but he realized that the best option was to trust Luke, since Luke knew where his mortal spot was. 

And about Percy refusing to do what he must do in order to save the world, just so he could save those dear to him? I mean yes, personal loyalty is Percy’s flaw and if you hurt the people he cares about then you can be sure that you’re gonna die by his bare hands, but Percy has his priorities in order and just... does what he must do? Like when he left his mother, the person who he loves the most in the whole world, in Hades’s hands. Do you even realize what sacrifice that was for Percy? “And you shall fail to save what matters most, in the end.” What matters most. Percy literally went on that quest only to get his revenge on Hades for taking his mother, and he also had the tiny, tiny hope that he could get her back. And when he had the change to get his mother- the only person who ever showed her love for him when all his schoolmates, teachers and even his stepfather constantly treated him badly- when he had that chance he had to give it up and do the right thing to prevent a war between the gods (and godfuckingdamn it, it wasn’t even his job. He was a 12 year old kid who didn’t even know he was a demigod, he definitely didn’t steal your bloody masterbolt, Zeus you little...). He continued his quest in SoM even after he though that Tyson was dead- and again he had a tiny hope that he was alive and I’m pretty sure he would’ve rather looked for his brother than go to the cave of a wicked cyclops. I will not deny the fact that Percy’s personal loyalty had put him in some shitty situations and made him take some bad decisions (I could made a whole new post just about that, but this has turned out too be too long anyway), but even Percy knows when to step back. He isn’t that self-confident to think that only he alone can save the world. 

And I only spoke about Percy because he’s my favorite, but it applies to each of the seven except Leo, Jason and Piper. Percy is told by Juno that he is “the glue that will unite the seven”, and even without that, who didn’t expect Percy to be a bigger part of the final battle? In TLH, Gaia tells Leo, “In some ways, you are the most important of the seven—like the control disk in the dragon’s brain. Without you, the power of the others means nothing.” In SoN, Mars tells Franks, “I think you worry her more than Percy or Jason or any of the seven.” and that “Without you, Frank—without your sense of duty—he[Percy]’s going to fail. The whole war will go sideways, and Gaea will destroy our world.” Turns out Frank’s great part was just doing this: “‘He’s right.’ Frank gripped Percy’s arm. ‘You have to let them do this, Percy. It’s like Annabeth’s quest in Rome. Or Hazel at the Doors of Death. This part can only be them.’” 

My point is that each of the seven were told at some point that they are the post powerful, the most important of the group and that made me think that each of them will have an important role in the final battle. Now I get that Frank’s words were supposed to make me understand that each of the seven had their own part in the prophecy, but I still feel that at they end they should have united their powers into one last massive strike against Gaia (see also this post made by @ofswordsandpens). I just think that they should have worked together to take Gaia down in the last battle, not just 3 of them. And if the other 4 were not going to fight Gaia directly but only her army, then at least show me more of them fighting. 

[howlsmovinglibrary]

So I finished ACOWAR

This is in no way a coherent or articulate piece of writing in the same way my ACOTAR/ACOMAF piece tried to be, and I don’t think it even can be called a review, because I don’t tend to review books that already have this much visibility in the booklr community. It’s more just the notes I made while reading ACOWAR, which I kind of felt was the weakest book in the series so far (and if you haven’t already guessed it, I’m not much of a fan to begin with).

This entire piece is basically just spoilers, and salt, so please don’t read unless you already know/don’t mind finding out some major plot points!

First off, can I just say that every time ‘the male’ or ‘the female’ is used as a descriptor, I wince. I think it is a) bad writing and b) cis-centric as fuck. There needs to be more non-binary people in fantasy!

This book was so….bloated. It needed to be edited down a lot – the sheer number of chapters is insane. I had this poignant realisation when I read five chapters of High Fae trash talk at the faerie High Lord meeting and then…the thing they were having a meeting over just…happened anyway? And the meeting suddenly had no meaning whatsoever?

So many abusers are now being made into sympathetic/rehabilitated figures. I took Rhys’ redemption arc in ACOMAF because I kind of suspected that that was the way his and Feyre’s relationship were going to pan out but….both Eris and Tamlin received sympathy, and were made into heroes or forces for good at some point in the plot? Feyre forgave Tamlin? Mor’s abuse at the hands of Keir and Eris is pushed aside because ‘times are hard’ and ‘tough choices have to be made’? And Mor had literally no say or agency in that decision?

Meanwhile we have Ianthe. an abusive woman who’s entire character is one-dimensional villainy and demonised female sexuality. She is portrayed as having not a single scrap of goodness in her soul, not one redeeming characteristic, someone who Feyre has no moral quandary over letting be munched up by the Weaver. Even though her use of sex could realistically be portrayed as a product of internalised misogyny? And yet the men who ‘nailed a message’ into Mor’s womb get nuanced portrayal, the benefit of the doubt in the run up to the war, and even moments of heroism?????

I’m not saying that Ianthe should be redeemed, I just don’t understand why this instance of sexual abuse is so utterly condemned to the point where we watch her smash her own hand in some kind of medieval punishment, and yet the instances of sexual abuse perpetrated by men are all given a degree of either redemption or pardoning because of the circumstances of the plot. Is it because female to male abuse is more taboo and thus seen as more ‘evil’? Because SJM has so ingrained male-to-female sexual abuse into the very fabric of her patriarchal fantasy society, that we and Mor are expected to just accept that this is ‘the way things are’, or even write it off out of necessity as ‘boys will be boys’? I HAVE NO IDEA AND IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

Given my recent essay on the subject, I was interested that SJM tried to problematize and dismantle the concept of mating bonds a little in the conversation Feyre and Rhysand have about Lucien and Elain. It’s made into ‘Some natural function, not an indication of true, paired souls’ (Chapter 24). There was even the handwave of ‘oh this homosexual relationship may be the product of a mating bond, but they’re probably keeping it a secret from everyone’.

To be honest, I don’t think it succeeded in explaining away the problematic elements of mating. The biological imperatives were still there, ‘the bond is nothing more than...preordained guesswork at who will provide the strongest offspring’ (Chapter 24). Aggression was still a major part of the male side of the bond (like when we get the internal monologue of Lucien and witness him fighting his ‘instincts’) and it’s still implied that men are slaves to the desire that the bond generates, whereas women don’t feel it as strongly/can control their physical desires? ‘But the males...It can drive them mad. It is their burden to fight through’ (Chapter 24) This has some serious ramifications in terms of gendered conceptions of sexual drive. In my opinion, mating bonds are still squicky.

I now mostly just want SJM to put her money where her mouth is and follow through on her attempts at muddying the water: if she insists on pairing the spares, have Elaine get together with Azriel rather than Lucien, and show a relationship where the mating bond is terminated not because of outright physical abuse on the side of the male, but because of a romantic attraction overcoming a sexual/biological one. (Yes, I ship it. Or rather, I ship Elaine overcoming her trauma and going on to be a badass seer, building herself a temple and calling out bullshit like Cassandra in ancient Troy. But if she needs to have a boyf – and it’s SJM so she probably does – I want it to be Sad Shadow Man.)

‘Helion favours both males and females. Usually together in bed’ (Chapter 47). I’m not saying that bisexuality can’t work this way, but I gather that SJM has used the hypersexualised bisexual trope before. 

I think that perhaps Mor’s jealousy of Nessian is because she’s attracted to Nesta (a la season 1 Korrasami)? But even so her possessiveness of Cassian and her hostility towards Nesta was horrible and OOC and made me angry every time it happened. I hate it whenever female-female relationships are sacrificed because of a guy, but it is particularly frustrating in a book where male-female relationships are definitely already the priority. And given the way that Nessian is reaching canonical status, even if you do attribute the jealousy to female-female attraction, it’s only going to end badly for Mor.

Feyre used Mor’s sexuality as a weapon against her after she was justifiably called out on reckless behaviour. Fuck off Feyre.

I know that Azriel is a good character. I know this. And yet this book turned his relationship with Mor into this awful poster child ‘friendzone’ dynamic, where Mor feels pressurised to hide her sexuality because of the hurt it will cause *him*. I don’t think this is a fault of the characters, but of the entire treatment of their friendship and SJM’s portrayal of Mor’s queerness as a burden.

No main characters die. In this apparently impossible war that basically ends in an afternoon. No – everyone is magically resurrected after barely five pages.

Bonus points for not even having the courage to keep Amren out of fae form and thus rip up her incipient ship with Varien. You could have written an entire book on the inner circle going off on a quest to find and subdue a superhuman dragon Amren unshackled from the bonds of human morality. But no. She’s ‘in the cauldron’.

DEUS EX MACHINAS (dragon ex machinas?) MAKE ME WANT TO SCREAM. Find a better way to resolve your conflicts. Especially when even the decision to unshackle Amren from her human form in order for her to become the Deus ex Machina in question has literally no lasting consequences.

Speaking of deus ex machinas: is anyone else annoyed that the only death god who survives the battle is Bryaxis, the one who only asked for a window in exchange for his services, rather than freedom and an implicit murder spree? This means that there are literally no consequences to these so-called ‘tough decisions’ that have to be made in times of war, and everything can just go on fine. ‘No evil death gods were permanently unleashed in the making of this war.’

Can I forcibly rip SJM away from the Russian mythology that she is no doubt going to butcher in the continuation of this series? As soon as I read the name ‘Koschei’ I groaned aloud. You can’t just take whatever mythology you like and use it to make your own magic system! You’ve already detached the Morrigan from any semblance of Celtic Mythology!!!

That being said, I did like:

That the Archeron sisters FINALLY seem to be forming a strong friendship rather than the girl-on-girl hate mess it’s been for the past few books. I liked that Nesta was as powerful as Feyre, and had a more integral role in the final battle than she did.

I liked that in Feysand we see a stable ‘after they get together’ relationship. I still think ACOMAF is ‘stronger’ as a book, as SJM is better at writing romance than plot, but at least there was no needless YA angst, beyond Rhys’ martyrdom complex.

And this sounds awful, but I’m glad that Feyre had a PTSD relapse. I felt that in ACOMAF, her recovery from mental illness was equated a little too strongly with her growing romance with Rhys. Love doesn’t cure mental illness, and I’m glad the SJM showed that.

But overall, this book (much like this commentary) was a bit of a rambling mess of little consequence.

[redorcagaming]

How to use Guzzlord - Pokemon Battle Spot 3v3

The directors at Gamefreak slammed into the designers workshop one morning and declared with great bombast: ‘We shall have the apocalypse in Pokemon form!’ The designers looked at one another, each raised a sly eyebrow and then in unison with a voice more demonic than a snoring Primal Groudon they decreed, ‘It shall be done!’ And thus Guzzlord was born.

‘He shall have all the HP…all of it, muhahaha,’ went the first designer, ‘He shall have spikes literally everywhere,’ went the second designer, ‘He shall have terrible defences, just god awful,’ went the third designer who was perched under a bridge waiting for billy goats to pass by, ‘and a typing so bad the fairies will eat him alive,’ and so it was done.

Yes, we need to talk about Guzzlord. This rather beautiful pokemon has been widely swept aside in the competitive scene and it’s not his fault, he’s just two generations too late. With fairies left, right, center and back in 7th gen and with a speed that translates into an awkward waddle, there doesn’t seem to be a lot going for him. However, all is not lost. In the right battle environment, with the right ev spread and the right move-set this beast can become your best friend, rather than your worst liability.

(courtesy of bulbapedia)

The stats speak for themselves: astounding HP, terrible defences, poor speed and half-decent mixed attack. If you want him to tank anything you’ve got to invest in one of the defences; only invest in one and you’ll be killed in the other. At the same time his offences are going to struggle without investment themselves.

Six resistances and an immunity is actually pretty good at first glance; and it can be in the right circumstances. There are some problems though and the big fat elephant in the room is that x4 fairy weakness. How many psychic pokemon carry dazzling gleam? A lot. So there goes your psychic wall. How many fire pokemon carry a fighting move? More than you’d think. How many water pokemon carry an ice move…and on and on. Even the ghosts are fairies in this gen. So how do we use him?

Battle Spot 3v3 environment:

In 6v6 there’s too much that can switch into him and because of his speed, and with no access to priority, all it takes is one super effective move and he’s death fodder. 3v3 is a different story, however. Let’s first get this out there: 3v3 is not just a scaled down version of 6v6. The dynamics are different: team selection is critical as opposed to 6v6 where you just pick a starter; walls are more effective as there is less variety to break them down with; tactics shift when you only have three pokemon to worry about. Under this environment Guzzlord has much more opportunity to make an impact.

Advised set for 3v3:

You can only max out two stats and whatever you leave will make you vulnerable. With some pokemon you can drop a few evs here, dice a few evs over there, but not for Guzzlord. With his terrible defences and only passable offensives; Guzzlord’s an all or nothing kind of guy. But there is a way to have your cake and eat it too:

Guzzlord @ Assault Vest Ability: Beast Boost EVs: 252 Def / 4 SpD / 252 SpA Quiet Nature - Draco Meteor - Dark Pulse - Flamethrower  - Dragon Tail  

Explanation:

- No point putting any evs into his already massive HP as it’ll make very little difference to his bulk.

- Concentrating on Special Attack over Physical Attack means he’s not rendered useless by a burn, which is a concern for a pokemon who’s designed to sit there and glare at you while you throw the kitchen sink at him.

- Maxing out defence means you can use the Assault vest to patch up his special defence.

-Quiet nature (+Special Attack -Speed) means you can get more damage from Dragon Tail while having very little effect on your already slow speed tier.

- Running Dragon Tail means you aren’t set-up fodder once you use Draco Meteor (which gives you -2 special attack after use).

- Dark Pulse is necessary STAB move (Same Type Attack Bonus) and nothing is immune to it.

-Draco Meteor over Dragon Pulse because Dragon Pulse will not get you the kills you really need (Garchomp, Salamence, most other dragons in fact do not go down to dragon pulse, but will to Draco).

-Flamethrower for coverage as steel resists dragon, and to hit those x4 weaknesses (ferrothorn, scizor, kartana etc).

-Worth noting his ability beast boost is a great ability if you can get a kill (raises your highest stat by one stage excluding hp), though his low speed means your follow up attack opportunities will be somewhat limited.

Strategy

- This set is similar to one sometimes used on Snorlax, but often to poor effect. On Snorlax you have one immunity and no resistances, so when you get hit it will almost always be neutral or super effective (fighting). As a result if you boost both defences (one with assault vest), then you’re missing out on important bulk that Snorlax really needs; as such Snorlax can work much better as a specially defensive tank that avoids physical attacks (or the curse set). Guzzlord, however, has six resistances and one immunity, so boosting both defences can work much better allowing him to wall a greater number of pokemon on both defensive sides than he would with investment on just one side.

- With Draco Meteor and mixed bulk you can take one hit from any non-boosted dragon (except Mega Altaria) and have a decent chance of getting a one hit KO in return:

Vs Garchomp (choice scarf)

Vs Mega Salamence (Special)

Vs Kommo-o (mixed offensive)

In all three of these examples dragon pulse misses the ohko, which is why you need Draco.

- In situations where you have no super effective means you can still cause havoc with dragon tail:

Vs Mega Gyarados

Here you can get Draco Meteor damage and then dragon tail damage if they try to Dragon Dance (which they always do) shedding them of the boosts (if it hits).

- While his speed is bad, it’s worth noting that he underspeeds Aegislash and can ohko him with dark pulse while he’s in blade forme (2hko in shield form) - though steer clear of the annoying toxic stall aegislash who will outspeed and sub-toxic-king’s shield you to death (please stop using that god awful set).

Vs blade-forme Aegislash

- As a final note, look what happens against a Mega Gengar with Dazzling Gleam:

x4 effective Dazzling Gleam off Mega Gengar’s 170 base special attack does 60-70%. This guy has some bulk! Meanwhile Dark Pulse has a 62.5% chance to ohko.

- Obviously if your opponent has a plethora of fairies in their team then don’t bring Guzzlord, but the good thing about 3v3 is you don’t have to bring him if he’s not favourable. Also it’s worth noting that your opponent will most likely bring a fairy if they see him on your team sheet (if they have one), meaning you can use that knowledge and be ready with your fairy counter whether you bring Guzzlord or not.

Conclusion

Guzzlord can one-on-one a lot of prominent Battle Spot pokemon and with six resistances, one immunity and massive invested bulk he can do some decent walling too. Despite this Guzzlord remains a difficult pokemon to use in a meta game riddled with fairies, and should not be used by a novice trainer. In the right circumstance, with the right team predictions, he can fulfil a unique niche; just don’t expect him to be a key for all locks.