#and your favourite artist? well taylor swift of course!

[bugsbenefit]

another year of being convinced spotify wrapped it rigged. are you genuinely trying to tell me my top artist is taylor swift? i don't think i've listened to a single song of hers all year on spotify. and what do you mean my top song from her is "tell me why" i have never heard that song in my life?? great way to find new music tho, by spotify telling you it's your favourite 😭

[fanficlolsblog]

MY MAIN MASTERLIST

(i write for mainly gxg sorry. i also take requests so let me know if you want anything written.)

female celebrities!

taylor swift

HEADCANONS! here

drunk (non smut version)

summary: you're drunk and your girlfriend, taylor wants to take you home, which you try to resist.

casual (REWRITING!)

summary:

good luck, babe

summary: Y/N is in a complicated relationship with taylor swift, where she wants more than just fun, but taylor isn't ready to commit. after a tough conversation, Y/N decides to end things, realizing they deserve more than casual affection. though it hurts, Y/N feels a sense of freedom and relief after walking away.

the fan

summary: y/n, a dedicated swiftie, runs a popular social media account showcasing her edits and paintings of taylor swift. after being noticed by taylor nation, she’s invited to the eras tour. throughout the concert, y/n repeatedly catches taylor’s eye, leaving her flustered. backstage, taylor compliments y/n’s art and admits she couldn’t stop looking at her during the show. as y/n leaves, taylor runs after her to ask for her phone number, making the night even more surreal.

we don’t talk anymore

summary: falling in love with taylor swift felt like a whirlwind, but when the pressure of fame and her struggle with coming out grew too much, you broke up. as she tried to move on with travis kelce, you both admitted to missing each other, but her jealousy over your friendship with shawn mendes created tension. despite the distance, you both realized that your love story wasn’t over and that there was still hope for a future together.

all too well

summary:

i miss you, i’m sorry

summary:

loathe you

summary:

dress

summary:

all i want for christmas is you (WRITING!)

summary:

jenna ortega

HEADCANONS! here

the co-star

summary: on the set of wednesday, Y/N and jenna ortega, who have an on-screen romance, face tension due to jenna's aversion to Y/N. during a heated kiss scene, jenna’s unexpected passion creates an awkward situation, leading her to avoid Y/N for the rest of the day. Y/N is left embarrassed and uncertain about their strained relationship.

the co-star part 2

summary: the day after a tense kiss scene, Y/N and jenna ortega face awkwardness on set. jenna's avoidance creates discomfort, but a heartfelt conversation helps clarify the situation. jenna reveals she's dealing with personal issues, easing the tension and allowing them to start rebuilding their professional rapport.

yandere!unhealthy obsession (WRITING!)

summary: after a brief encounter with jenna ortega at a meet-and-greet, y/n is surprised to receive a follow request and a message from her. what starts as a seemingly innocent exchange soon spirals into a possessive obsession, with jenna constantly messaging, showing up unannounced, and isolating y/n from friends. as y/n tries to distance themselves, jenna’s behavior grows darker, her obsession tightening like a trap, until y/n realizes that escaping her hold might be impossible.

coachella

summary:

we fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up (WRITING!)

summary:

flawless

summary:

it’s always been you

summary:

strangers

summary:

watching horror movies

summary:

billie eilish

HEADCANONS! here

guess?

summary:

i could eat that girl for lunch

summary:

wasn’t it obvious?

summary:

boyfriend

summary:

lana del rey

HEADCANONS! here

cinnamon girl

summary:

flirt

summary:

will you still love me?

summary:

kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor

summary:

gracie abrams

HEADCANONS! here

i love you, i’m sorry

summary:

us

summary:

sabrina carpenter

HEADCANONS! here

taste

summary: your favourite artist, sabrina carpenter asks you to be in her new music video, ‘taste’, which of course you couldn’t refuse…

it’s not christmas without you

summary:

red wine supernova

summary:

we never go out of style

summary: y/n is caught in a complicated relationship with singer sabrina carpenter, who picks her up for a late-night drive. despite knowing their connection often leads to heartbreak, y/n can’t resist sabrina's allure. they share a passionate encounter, but y/n realizes they're stuck in a cycle of returning to each other. after their intense moment, y/n chooses to leave, aware that they will likely reunite again despite the pain.

i’m not perfect

summary: y/n develops an intense obsession with singer sabrina carpenter, feeling both admiration and jealousy. after meeting her at a performance, y/n’s fixation deepens as sabrina acknowledges their presence, making the attraction even harder to ignore. despite sabrina’s kindness, y/n struggles with the emotional pain of unrequited feelings, caught between admiration and the torment of knowing sabrina is out of reach.

demitra kalogera

HEADCANONS! here

sunday kalogera

HEADCANONS! here

the heart wants what it wants (WRITING!)

summary:

jennifer lawernce

HEADCANONS! here

just good friends

summary:

the interviewer

summary:

coffee?

summary:

emma roberts

HEADCANONS!

the babysitter (WRITING!)

summary: Y/N, a 19-year-old college student, gets a job babysitting actress Emma Roberts’ 4-year-old son, Rhodes. As Y/N cares for him, she starts to feel a growing tension between her and Emma. They share small, intense moments, and Emma admits that Y/N feels “different” to her. Though their conversation is interrupted, the unspoken attraction between them is clear, leaving things unresolved.

never too old

summary:

male celebrities!

timothee chalamet

HEADCANONS! here

no strings attached

summary:

i hate you

summary:

matt sturniolo

HEADCANONS! here

again

summary: you and matt have been so called 'friends' for years even though there is something clearly there. matt is sick of being just friends and decides to do something about it…

teachers pet (REWRITING!)

summary: on the first day of school, Y/N encounters Mr. Sturniolo, a young, charismatic new english teacher who draws her attention with his engaging manner and attractive appearance. during a private discussion after class, his intense concern and personal focus create an underlying tension, leaving Y/N both intrigued and unsettled about their evolving relationship.

sick

summary:

the grudge

summary:

cardigan

summary:

chris sturniolo

HEADCANONS! here

idfc

summary: y/n is stuck in a toxic relationship with chris sturniolo, who often disappears and returns drunk. despite knowing he's not truthful or committed, y/n can’t let go. one night, after he comes back, they share an intimate moment, and she asks him to lie and say he loves her, even though she knows it’s fake. unable to break free from her feelings, y/n accepts the lies for the fleeting comfort they bring.

frat boy

summary:

i trusted you

summary:

invisible string

summary:

characters!

wednesday addams

HEADCANONS! here

just a little bite

summary: Y/N, a vampire, returns to wednesday addams' dorm after a day out, sensing her girlfriend's hidden frustration at being apart. as Y/N teases wednesday about her vampire nature, they share playful intimacy through biting. their connection deepens, revealing Wednesday’s vulnerability and desire, ultimately strengthening their bond in the shadows.

smoking

summary: you and wednesday addams, your stoic roommate, share an unspoken romantic tension. one night, she catches you smoking and warns you about the dangers, impulsively throwing your last cigarette out the window. angry, you confront her, but the confrontation reveals deeper feelings between you two, culminating in a tentative kiss that changes everything.

jealous girl (WRITING!)

summary:

mine

summary:

i despise you

summary:

the perfect girl

summary:

ethan landry

HEADCANONS! here

i did this for you, for us (WRITING!)

summary:

that boy is a monster

summary: y/n becomes dangerously infatuated with ethan landry, who hides a dark, monstrous side behind his charm. despite knowing he’s dangerous, y/n can’t resist the pull of his intense gaze and possessive nature. as ethan slowly consumes y/n’s heart and soul, y/n falls deeper into the twisted relationship, unable to escape the hold he has over them. in the end, y/n willingly lets ethan devour their heart, accepting the monster he truly is.

boyfriend

summary:

nerd

summary:

yknow i’ve always had a thing for you

summary:

kiss me

summary:

you belong to me

summary:

jill roberts

HEADCANONS! here

come here dressed in black

summary: Y/N discovers that her girlfriend, jill roberts, is ghostface. despite the horrifying truth, Y/N feels a strong attraction to jill, especially when she reveals herself in the ghostface costume. caught between fear and desire, Y/N struggles to leave the dangerous relationship, unable to resist jill's dark allure.

i won’t hurt you

summary:

you’re mine

summary:

can’t even

summary:

ghostface

HEADCANONS! here

pretty girl (WRITING!)

summary:

billy loomis

HEADCANONS!

nothing yet…

stu macher

HEADCANONS!

nothing yet…

tara carpenter

HEADCANONS!

caught

summary:

let’s ruin the friendship (WRITING!)

summary:

the roommate

summary:

my axe (WRITING!)

summary:

vada cavell

secret

summary:

astrid deetz

just friends

summary: you find yourself caught in a complicated relationship with astrid deetz, who is spending time with another guy named jeremy. as you navigate your feelings of jealousy and confusion, you confront astrid about her intentions, leading to an emotional struggle between love and heartbreak. despite your desire to be together, it becomes clear that the timing may not be right, leaving you to question what you truly mean to each other.

do i wanna know?

summary:

jackie taylor

HEADCANONS!

am i making you feel sick?

summary: y/n alone in the wilderness, applies lipstick to jackie's lifeless body and is visited by jackie's ghost. jackie hints that your true hunger is for her, not just for food. as jackie's spirit fades, y/n is overwhelmed by the realisation of jackie's death and her own deep grief.

katniss everdeen

HEADCANONS!

nothing yet…

finnick odair

HEADCANONS!

nothing yet…

tori vega

HEADCANONS!

nothing yet…

jade west

HEADCANONS!

leaving tonight

summary:

quinn fabray

HEADCANONS!

nothing yet…

rafe cameron

HEADCANONS!

ruin the friendship

summary:

max mayfield

HEADCANONS!

nothing yet…

eleven

HEADCANONS!

first kiss (WRITING!)

summary:

tate langdon

nothing yet…

madison montgomery

i insist

summary:

living dead girl

summary:

brooke thompson

nothing yet…

lee (bones and all)

nothing yet…

michael myers

sick love story

summary:

chop, chop, slide

summary:

leon kennedy

nothing yet…

bela dimitrescu

nothing yet…

lara croft

nothing yet…

rick grimes

nothing yet…

daryl dixon

nothing yet…

vanessa afton

nothing yet…

pyramid head

nothing yet…

[corrodedcoffins-blog]

hmmm before taylor x player get together mayeb taylro gets asked about her in an interview?

Jimmy Fallon and a DM

taylor swift x fem!NHL!reader

note: not that good lol, sorry i loved the idea just got busy and i wanted to put it out sooner than later <3

Between the break for the USA and International leg of her tour, Taylor was set to appear on Jimmy Fallon. Waiting for her que, getting her hair fixed last second by the stylist, she hears the ‘Please welcome, Dr. Taylor Swift”  

The fans in the live audience cheered as Taylor stepped out onto the set, giving Jimmy a quick hug before sitting down. The cheering never stopped, “Thank you so much.” The woman said, addressing the crowd which only causes them to cheer more.

“We are just so happy you’re here! And I announced you as ‘Doctor’ this time. ""Yes. Thank you. But really I’m happy to be here.” “And we’re so excited to talk about the tour, so you’ve finished the USA leg. And you have announced The Eras Tour film, coming out worldwide October 13th! And it really is a record breaking tour!”

The crowd cheering again, an awkward smile on Taylor’s face, even after years it will always be weird to have people tell you all your accomplishments. 

“I mean, I've written some things down; the tour is already estimated to earn over $1 billion, your opening night in Glendale was the most-attended concert by a female artist ever in the U.S., and your tour has actually boosted the economy! I mean that’s amazing! That’s amazing.” “Thank you! That is so kind of you to say all that!” “Well it’s true!”

-

“And- y’know speaking of your athleticism in getting ready for the tour, a certain athlete in the NHL for the New Jersey Devils, said you were her celebrity crush. Did you see this?”

Of course Taylor had seen it. The clip was all over ‘SwiftTok’ a place she was very active in, with her secret account. And only her closest friends knew that she had in fact started to reciprocate the feelings. Growing a crush on the girl after watching clip after clip of her doing media, getting mic’d up, and answering the questions; and getting butterflies in her stomach whenever she hears Y/n mention her.

“Um, yes I did. I mean, Y/n L/n, she’s very talented and I really admire her, and how far she’s brought herself; and she is definitely far more athletic than me.”

A low chuckle coming from the crowd, Taylor thankful it was Jimmy interviewing her and not anyone else, who would want to press on the subject.

-

One thing about Y/n is she loves talk shows, reality TV, and award shows. So having a night off, Y/n decided to stay in and do her favourite activity, surfing the channels. And she happens to come across the Jimmy Fallon tonight show, with Taylor Swift in the seat adjacent to the host. And another thing about Y/n is whenever she sees Taylor Swift, she stops.

They were talking about her workout routine to get ready for the tour, which truly to Y/n sounded very impressive. Then they did something that at this time feels like the worst thing ever, yet will turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to her. 

Jimmy mentions a ‘certain athlete’. That’s what Y/n believed would end her life, hearing Taylor Swift talk about her confessing her brush on the woman. Hearing that your celebrity crush has heard what you’ve said about them, was probably her worst fear.

Before she could even hear what the woman was going to say, against her own will, Y/n turned off the TV, put on music and finally started to make dinner; something she was putting off before that became her alternative.

-

The early morning light of 5:30 am filtered through the curtains, Y/n getting out of bed and making her way into the bathroom, and getting ready; telling her google home to play her morning music, getting into her workout attire, before making her way into her kitchen and making a smoothie with her pre-workout. 

Only going on her phone in the elevator, the woman almost dropped her half-finished smoothie, and honestly she herself almost fell to the floor seeing the DM she had gotten.

Hey, Y/n

I’m sorry if talking about you on The Tonight Show in any way made you uncomfortable, but I really do admire you and I was wondering if you would ever want to go out sometime. It isn’t just you with the celebrity crush.

Lesson number one of how to kill Y/n, be Taylor Swift and ask her out.

~taglist~

@orange15quote

[legallybrunettedotcom]

idk if you've already talked about brat but i'd love to know your opinion on the album (if you've listened to it)

hi, jade! i have listened to it, quite a lot now. i have a lot of conflicting, incoherent thoughts. so when it dropped, i thought well, that was okay. fun pop, dance music. then i go online, i open youtube and suddenly see there's a bunch of videos, essays, reviews etc. about the album all with the title or thumbnail saying "revolutionary", "changed the music" etc etc. and i'm like am i going insane? does this album deserve this much attention and discourse? it's quite difficult to escape the album if you're online a lot, so some of those songs just nestled inside my ear. decided to give it a few more listens and it definitely grew on me. like maybe i do want to be going crazy to this in a club. it's obvious sophie's spirit is still somewhat present here, two of them collaborating on vroom vroom ep did change the pop music and we've seen this shift towards something more experimental and avant garde in pop. i think charli's always been a bit too mainstream for indie, and too indie for the mainstream. brat is unique, but also still very much charli. i think what she did expertly is crack the marketing strategy. we know music alone isn't enough anymore, you need a whole "aesthetic", you need to build your own world and lore. y2k, party girl persona but make it vulnerable. the specific shade of green on the cover is now associated with this album and everything that comes with it. "oh, green eye-shadow, that's so brat of you." how long that reference will last, we're yet to see. we're still very much in the whirlwind of brat summer after all. using lowercase as song/album titles has been quite popular for a few years now and ig it's this attempt at casualness, yk carefully curated carelessness, but it also reminds me of those lyric videos i used to watch when i was 12. when the remix with lorde dropped, ngl, i did tear up a bit, but i also can't help but be a bit cynical, like this too is marketing. the music video for 360, i didn't enjoy the song that much, 365 is better but also i understand you can't have one without the other, but the music video specifically sums up the entirety of brat imo. the criticisms i've seen of it are all on point, like "myopic, self-referential for ppl who live in 4 neighbourhoods in nyc/la, reminder that you're not on the list" all of that is correct, but on the other hand, it's pastiche, you have these internet famous women congregating in an ugly restaurant deciding who will be the next it girl and choosing a random waitress, a reminder that everyone can be a hottie, the it girl, the cool girl whatever. ok, that's cute, but like... i'm still not on the list. it's difficult for me to believe you aren't enjoying your fame and pedestal status, but i think she's also aware how easily you can be replaced as soon as the public gets bored. i also felt a bit insane when people started analyzing the lyrics, like specifically the song apple and being flabbergasted that it's about family and familial trauma, because the apple has been such a widely used metaphor for family since the 19th century. it felt like she was receiving the taylor swift treatment, which is funny considering that one song, yk acting like this has never been done before. of course it hits if you don't read and you don't listen to a lot of different music. in general my problem with a lot of discussions surrounding musical artists nowadays is how a lot of people seemingly have no understanding that music wasn't invented a mere 10 years ago. i'm ranting, and i'm saying a whole lotta nothing, but all in all, i do ultimately enjoy the album, like it's obviously fun and silly, and sexy and i love dancing to it. it will probably end up on my favourite albums of 2024 list, but i just don't see it as revolutionary. i could say "oh that's mother" and "those that get it, get it and those that don't, don't", but i feel like that kills any meaningful conversation and the art of criticism, which is not something i'm good at, but it's not just about "consuming" art, we have to discuss it too.

[carlisles-girl]

So I was wondering if you can make Caius headcannons with a mate who is swiftie and who is a fan of Lana Del Rey, a female mate pls

a/n: of course !! i love taylor n lana <3 he’s so ultraviolence

-

Caius With A Mate Who’s A Fan of Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey

-

Caius would probably prefer listening to Lana Del Rey more than Taylor Swift whenever you play music.

It’s not that he doesn’t like Taylor’s music, he just prefers the production of Lana’s work more.

He’s definitely an Ultraviolence and Honeymoon girlie.

Caius supports your love for your favourite artists, on the condition you don’t love them more than him.

One time you joked that you loved Taylor and Lana more than him and he didn’t join you for dinner for 3 days.

Tells you that he should be your favourite musician because he can play almost any instrument, but he prefers playing piano.

When ‘Snow On The Beach’ was released, he learned how to play it on piano for you.

“I hope you like this, mia amore.”

He would prefer the albums ‘folklore’ and ‘evermore’ from Taylor, but ‘Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)’ is definitely his guilty pleasure.

He likes listening to the instrumentals from Ultraviolence and Born To Die.

Definitely appreciates the poetry that’s Lana’s lyrics.

“How could a mortal write this?”

Loves Taylor’s lyrics on a story-telling level.

“Timeless is so us.”

“What does that mean?”

Gets tired when you play the same songs over and over again.

“Mia amore, please play something else.”

“I thought you liked this song?”

“You’re making me hate it.”

You best believe he got you tickets to The Eras Tour.

“Oh my god, did you like, give a limb for these?”

“… Something like that.”

He wouldn’t hear the end of you talking about what you’re gonna wear for weeks and weeks.

“Darling, please. It’s a few hours in one seat, not a ball.”

“Might as well be.”

Caius matches his outfit with yours to be supportive.

Is very confused when you yell the lyrics to All Too Well.

“Don’t I treat you better than how Jake Gyllanhaal did Taylor?”

“How’d you know that?”

“Something about a scarf.”

Has bought you every edition of every Taylor and Lana album ever on vinyl.

He actually managed to get a copy of the Lust for Life heart-shaped vinyl for you.

Listens to Lover and thinks of you when you’re away.

Aro found him sitting in his office with that song playing and asked if Caius was alright.

“Are you alright, dear brother?”

He’d put a hand on Caius’ shoulder knowing Caius wouldn’t tell him verbally and immediately understands.

“They’ll be back soon.”

“I know.”

Isn’t a big fan of pop, but endures it for you.

He would never ask to put on anything that you like, but would secretly hope that you will.

When the love songs come on, he’ll dance with you if you’re up for it.

Lover, invisible string, willow, and Timeless, are his favourite Taylor Swift songs to dance to with you.

Religion is his favourite Lana Del Rey song to dance to with you.

The gifts he gives you are very catered towards your love for Taylor and Lana.

As well as his declarations of love; he often quotes their songs.

“You’re my religion, mia amore.”

[starlostastronaut]

DAY 22 | PICTURE FRAMES

PAIRING: kim seungmin x reader

GENRE: fluff, non idol au

WC: 1.06k

CW: photographer!seungmin, model!reader, reader reffered to as girlfriend and queen, implied fem clothing for reader, attempt at humour? (kinda? idk)

PROMPT: he asks you to be his model

my last two braincells wrote this at 1am, so thats about all the explanation you'll get for this... thing. enjoy reading <3

title from paper rings - taylor swift

general masterlist here

<< previous | mctc masterlist | next >>

Immediately after entering the studio, you were swarmed by a group of stylists and makeup artists. Despite being in the industry for a few years now, this was something you were still getting used to. You weren’t a risk-loving person, quite the opposite, actually. You liked to have everything planned out beforehand and to know where you were going and what you were going to be doing. You liked to be prepared. You liked control. Nonetheless, photoshoots were not that kind of thing. It usually depended on who you were working with, but more often than not, you weren’t told what you were going to shoot. The company would provide a short questionnaire about things you were and weren’t comfortable with, but they barely told you the theme. And even though you loved being a model, this part of the job was not your favourite.

And Kim Seungmin was the worst of them. He was a freelance photographer, a highly demanded one, but he often set aside the time to do some photoshoots of his own to update his portfolio and Instagram. And he liked to rope his friends into modeling for him. Having met him all the way back in high school and being a professional model on top of being his girlfriend, no wonder you were on top of his list. Unfortunately for you, he liked to keep his concepts a secret, refusing to tell you anything except the time and location. For reasons unknown to you, you always said yes, though. Maybe it was the pleading puppy eyes he mastered over the years, or because you knew he would never make you do anything you were truly uncomfortable with. And so he kept asking, and you kept agreeing.

And that was how you found yourself in a makeup chair in front of a not very stable table with a mirror placed on top of it. It certainly wasn't the best makeup station you saw, but on the other hand, you were in an abandoned warehouse that supposedly inspired Seungmin, so it could have been worse. At least three stylists were currently occupied by your hairstyle for the shoot, while others argued about the shade of your eyeshadow. You sighed and relaxed in the chair. This was going to take some time. 

Three braids later, some comotion could be heard by the entrance. When you turned your head to the source, you saw Jeongin walking towards the makeup station, looking excited. You should have guessed he would be here. Besides you, Jeongin was Seungmin's favourite model. And he especially liked photographing you two together, claiming the visuals were out of this world.

You greeted Jeongin politely when he sat down. Despite him being Seungmin's best friend, you never hung out much with him, aside from photoshoots. You tried to make small talk with him as the stylists were getting both of you ready, but it was so awkward that you were glad when the makeup artists told you to be quiet so as not to mess up the makeup.

Seungmin arrived soon after. He came by the station to greet you and Jeongin. “Any guesses on the concept yet? This one is pretty obvious,” he smirked, tilting his head to Jeongin, who was now dressed in a loose white shirt and tight pants, with knee-high boots ready. You shook your head. Well, you had your ideas but didn't want to say them out loud in front of Seungmin. He made it a game to let you guess the themes for photoshoots, rewarding you with a kiss whenever you guessed right. More often than not, you didn't, though, and he would mock you for it (with love, of course). So you started to refuse to tell him, making him pout about ruining the game. It was an endless back-and-forth, but that was just how the two of you worked. Love disguised as bickering and teasing.

Half an hour later, when you were in your costumes, the concept finally became clear. Faeries, specifically a faerie queen and a king. While you and Jeongin were getting dressed, Seungmin and the rest of the crew created a scene that looked like something out of a dark fairytale. The old warehouse was decorated with lights, sheer fabric, flowers, and all the typical faerie items, which strongly contrasted with the ruins around you. Someone even made a half-broken throne, and after the first few poses, it was explained to you that you and Jeongin represented the faerie conquerors after their victory, claiming the throne of the land they left destroyed. The concept was a complex story that made your head hurt a little bit trying to fully understand the vision, but that was normal for Seungmin. You let it go and focused on being the best dark queen you could be.

After the shoot, Seungmin asked you to stay for a little bit. You sat down next to him, throwing an arm around his shoulder and leaning into his side. Seungmin shoved the camera in front of you. “You looked beautiful,” he said, showing you the first couple of pictures. “My scary queen.” Looking at the pictures, you had to agree with him. You looked majestic, with the background and your costume creating this mysterious and dangerous aura around you. You went over the rest of the pictures with him, smiling when he paused to point out a detail, excitedly telling you how you captured his vision perfectly.

“I knew what I was doing when I started dating a model,” he mused, yelping in pain when you smacked his shoulder playfully. 

“Hey.” You put on an offended face. “So that's the only reason we're dating, Kim Seungmin?” You cocked your brow and watched him agree with a mischievous smirk on his face. "Well, you should know that I only agreed to date you because you take pretty pictures,” you replied, suppressing a smile. You needed to keep up your mock offense a bit longer.

“See, it's mutually beneficial,” Seungmin shrugged and swiftly avoided another hit to his arm. During that, he lost his balance and fell from the bench, his camera still in his hands. You couldn’t help but laugh as he went down, desperately trying to shield the camera from the impact. When he looked up from the ground with furrowed brows, you only laughed harder.

taglist: @stayconnecteed @saintriots @vivioluh @ivaneedssleep @jazziwritesthings @darkypooo @sleepyleeji

©starlostastronaut 2023 | do not repost/translate my work without permission

[michellemisfit]

Weekly Tag Wednesday Thursday

Thanks for the game @jrooc and thanks for the tag @blue-disco-lights @deedala @energievie @lingy910y @creepkinginc @crestfallercanyon

Name: Mys

What is the most listened to artist in your music app of choice this month?

The Libertines - They’ve just released a new album

What song do you know all the lyrics to?

Erm… most? Well, at least most songs I regularly listen to. Back in the day when we’d still buy CDs I would get a new album and sit in my bedroom listening to it beginning to end, while reading along to the lyrics in the booklet. And oooooh, I would get so furious when bands had a booklet that did not include song lyrics. Wtf is wrong with you?? SO ANGRY! haha

What song do you pretend to know all the lyrics to and sing along to even though you don't?

It’s the End of the World As We Know It by R.E.M. I get to ‘eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn’ and then I’m lost until we hit the chorus lol But it’s such a fun song to pretend to sing along to, and really just making vaguely appropriate noises at the right time, until the chorus kicks in again… and of course we’re all ready to shout LEONARD BERNSTEIN! Hahaha

If you were to be crowned Queen/King/Royalty of listening to a band or artist, who would that be?

That would have to be Dirty Pretty Things. I fell in love with The Libertines just as they were falling apart and a few weeks away from calling it quits for good, so when Carl Barât announced the first tour of his new band Dirty Pretty Things I wasn’t gonna miss out again. So I flew to Ireland and then to England and attended the first 5 gigs of their first tour. And that pretty much set the tone for the next couple of years of my life. I ended up flying to the UK so much and meeting so many people that in the end it only made sense to move to London. Dirty Pretty Things had a tour booked starting two days after my moving day and we were gonna go to a few of the gigs. Then the day before I got on a plane they announced it would be their farewell tour, so we bought tickets for every single gig, which meant that I moved to the UK and then spent all of October, November, and half of December on tour… I didn’t start job hunting and thinking about real life until January lol

So yeah. Them. They’re my boys. As coined by the NME in their ‘sad to see them go’ article… “They were well fit and nice!”

What band/artist surprises you the most on your frequently listened to artists?

I’m ongoingly surprised by how much I managed to trick myself into liking Taylor Swift

Favourite line from a song (or one you have been thinking about lately?

Fame and Fortune by The Libertines

The deal was done, the trade was rough, Doubloons down for a double bluff, Dip your quill in your bleeding heart, Sign there and there and there

Guilty pleasure band or song?

I don’t believe in guilty pleasures.

Liking what I like don’t make me a bitch.

Okay let's talk fandom music:

Fave band or song you've discovered from a Fan Fic?

The Libertines lol My friend really wanted me to get into this band she liked, and I just wasn’t massively into music at the time, so she sent me a Libertines fanfic, and that, as they say, was that. Oh, she knew me very well… hahah

Fave Fanfic Playlist?

Right now I’m REALLY into The Menagerie playlist!

Fave Gallavich song?

Do you listen to music recommended by the writer or an included playlist? 

Almost always, yeah. Though sometimes that can go terribly wrong. When someone’s like OMG THIS SONG!!! and you’re just like ‘eh, I don’t see it’ lol

What song do you think is Gallavich coded?

Well, thanks to @deedala this will never not be Season 5 Gallavich

What’s a bop you want to share with your mutuals today? 

Love the original, but I also love Darren Criss

And this, because I’m dying for the next season of The Bear!!!!

Oooookay… I’m late and I’ve been way too busy, so if you’ve already played and I didn’t see please tag me in yours so I can check it out!! If not, and you’d like to do it, I’m tagging @heymacy @heymrspatel @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @palepinkgoat @vintagelacerosette @crossmydna @captainjowl @mikhailoisbaby @rereadanon @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @loftec @sickness-health-all-that-shit @deathclassic @rutherinahobbit @faejilly (you can skip the Gallavich questions!!! Hahahahah)

[kireijae]

n.jm 23:25

summary: in which you're literally me and this is how i feel but i write a fanfic so jaemin can fix it:)

genre: angst, fluff, f2l, happy ending

a/n: hello surprise!!!! i JUST wrote this in like 30 minutes so please be kind! it was very healing i think mkay bye let me know if you enjoyed it!

—

jaemin was taken out of his scheduled (midnight) daydreaming by the chime of his phone. normally he wouldn't bother to answer, or even check the notification, but he glanced over.

he saw your name and unlocked his phone immediately.

jaemin enjoyed the fact that he knew you so well. he knew how you texted and what it meant. he knew your favourite restaurants and your favourite orders at each of them. he knew you better than you knew yourself. he knew you the way you knew him.

and so, he knew you'd been taking strain with your flatmate getting a boyfriend. it was a strange, new feeling to you. you were so happy for her. jimin deserved the world and had finally, finally found someone willing to give it to her. but, when would it be your turn? you'd longed for love for so long. you'd worked on yourself and felt truly ready for a partner to share your life with.

jaemin was not, in fact, out the door. not yet, anyway. he tugged on his shoes and a hoodie first– and grabbed one for you. he didn't like you driving when you were sad. you listened to sad songs and cried while driving, not the best for the whole being-able-to-see part of driving.

your apartment was only 10 minutes from jaemin's and those 10 minutes were spent on the phone with you.

"should i gather snacks?"

"yes. duh? of course, it's us," he answered, eyes locked on the road.

"oh my– we have ben and jerry's!" you squealed, and he could hear your little happy jumps.

jaemin smiled, "what flavour?"

"cookie dough!"

"fuck yes," he cheered.

"oh yeah, do you guys ha–"

"do you need coffee–"

said at the same time.

"that's what i was going to ask for," jaemin said, elated at your likemindedness.

"i know you," you beamed, and he could hear a smug tone in your voice.

you'd long ago accepted your connection with jaemin as fact. something not to be questioned or even surprised at anymore. your friendship ran deep, it was to be expected really.

but, selfishly, jaemin wanted more. he wanted to give you everything you wanted. he wanted to hold you in sorrow and in pleasure. he wanted to tease you like he does now, but be able to make up for it with a kiss and an 'i love you' that means something different than it does now. but he never said anything. he didn't want you to lose your closest companion.he didn't want to be that guy. you would never see him the same, he would never again be the person you needed.

"i'm outside."

"okay, on my way down."

you came out of the building soon enough, an overnight bag over your shoulder. and a shirt nowhere near adequate enough for the cold outside. jaemin scoffed and grabbed the spare hoodie. he jogged over to meet you at the door, taking your bag and plopping the hoodie over your form simply. he left the sleeves at your sides, leaving you in the fabric with your arms at your sides.

you pulled a face at his quick work, but shoved your arms into the sleeves anyway.

"i know you," he quoted cheekily and walked over to his car.

you childishly blew a raspberry at him, standing like a child in oversized hand-me-down clothes.

you got in the passenger seat and he drove you back to his place. you were crying by the end of the trip, taylor swift once again being the artist you chose to play in the car drive over.

you were laughing now though, with tear stained cheeks standing in the entryway to jaemin's apartment.

"this is ridiculous," you announced through your giggles.

"what is?" he asked, leading you to his room and putting your bag down on a chair.

"me. this situation," you said, "i just made myself cry to songs i can't even relate to. i'm a mess."

"a wonderful mess," jaemin corrects quickly.

"but a mess nonetheless," you countered.

"you need to stop listening to taylor swift," he said, "you're rhyming."

"you're right," you chuckle, settling onto the bed where jaemin had just situated himself. "i'm just so lonely."

jaemin could feel your need to talk, so he waited.

"do you think i deserve love?" you asked, eyes shining still.

he was baffled, "of course you do."

"i mean– do you think i might just be one of those people who never find a partner but are still happy and content with life alone?" you asked, "because i'm waiting for either of those scenarios but neither has happened and i'm starting to think neither will."

"i think the right person is out there," he said, he would tell you to wait, be patient, but he knows it won't help. especially when he knew he could end your wondering and pain right then, if you felt the same.

"i hope so," you wiped a stray tear from your cheek.

"you'll find your soulmate," he added, putting his arm around you, "you still believe in those, right?" he recalled a conversation over the phone about how your belief in the theory was dwindling.

"i do," you said, leaning into his chest, "i decided i have to or i'll go crazy. but, i'll stop believing if you don't find your soulmate."

he frowned and shook his head lightly in surprise. "what? why?"

"you're too great to not have someone out there waiting for you," you said simply, eyes wondering around the room you've been in hundreds of times.

jaemin felt his soul ache a bit more at that. the fact that you had no clue how close you were to someone who would give you anything you asked for at the drop of a hat. "i think someone's out there dying to love you the way you need."

you huffed, "and i'm dying to find them."

the boy's heart started beating faster than ever. he had the courage– or the momentary lapse in judgement– to do it.

"y/n," his voice didn't waver the way he thought it would.

"hmm?" you craned your neck to look up at him for the first time that night.

"i've been dying to do something for a while now," he confessed.

"what is it?" your face flickered with what in hindsight can be recognised as hope.

"can i kiss you?"

tears fell again, "please."

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hi hi! This is for the matchup event rerun! I ended up missing the last one so hopefully I can secure a spot this time!!

So hi!! My name is Valentine, genderwise I am a girl! She/her! Romantic orientation, I lean definitely a lot more towards guys but no harm in experimenting with girls too! I think I romantically have an attraction towards guys but sexually both? Does that make sense? Haha but definitely more guys!

Hmmm who do I like? Of course the papas, specifically Nihil (I have a weird thing for old decrepit dusty peepaw men) but also the human characters? Specifically Father Jim Defroque because we're sleeping on how attractive this priest is?? Ghouls as well because I love mountain 😭 IDK I think I like them all but if I had to pick, the papas.

Oh style! Appearance! Yay this is fun! Okay so I think I'd be the exact opposite of what an average ghost enjoyer looks like. I love pastels and whites and baby pinks. For my style I'm super into the whole lolita style so frills, dresses, bows, lots of bright sweet colours! I'm also into that whole Bimbo vibe? Like dressing in bright pink in really short miniskirts, baby tees and thigh highs. I just find it really funny how if me and whoever I were to be matched with in Ghost stood side by side, we would be polar opposites of black and pink. But general appearnace, I am a 5'3 korean girl with black hair down to my shoulders with white highlights and tan skin (terzo is canonically shorter than me so 💅💅) and I have piercings down my right ear, a lip piercing and eyebrow piercing. I also have a small studio ghibli tattoo on my wrist, a moomin tattoo on the back of my arm and a tattoo of star constellations on my upper thigh (which is funny because I have a big fear of needles).

I think my personality really depends but I like to think of myself as just a general sweet person but that's just me (IDK I FEEL SUPER SELF CENTRED TALKING ABOUT MY PERSONALITY HAHA). I mean, I reckon just in general I really like people so I want to be seen as a sweet person. I'm a girl's girl and I'm an extrovert, I go out of my way to talk to people to see if I can make new friends, if someone wants to talk or a hug or needs anything, I want to be the girl that can be there for that. I care about useless things like plants and bugs and I apologise when I bump into inanimate objects. Despite all that I also think I'm super careless and accident prone. The amount of times I miss a step on the stairs and go tumbling down or I bang into a clear window isn't funny. Going off the whole bimbo thing from earlier, I have been described as a bimbo before so I guess a bit of an airhead, dense, a little dumb and super optimistic.

Hobbies and interests. I love makeup, I like dressing up and going out. Just looking super cute and going out shopping or taking a walk is super appealing to me. In my free time, I play violin and I like painting my nails, usually pastel colours but it's just super fun to do! On other days, I probably watch 1000 hours of tv a day or practice baking. I'm not great at it but I like baking sweets and giving them to my friends. I like cats a lot and anything that just looks cute in general. I love plushies, champagne/cocktails, horror movies and reading when I'm not watching an unhealthy amount of Tv in my living room. Another hobby I have which probably isn't a great one is clothes shopping. I love spending money which isn't great but shopping for a new wardrobe is a guilty pleasure of mine.

A here are just a few random facts about me

-I love the colour pink more than anything

-My second favourite artist other than Ghost is Taylor Swift

-I own a bunny named Milkiss

-I'm studying a course as a tattoo artist!

-I watch a lot of trash TV (rupauls drag race, keeping up with thr kardashians, dance moms ect)

-I love sweets

Thank you so much 💋💖

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries (asks) for the event close on 23rd October

Your match is...Young Papa Nihil

Nihil's eye was immediatly drawn to you because of the bright colours you wear and how amazing you look! He loves how you are just true to yourself and that when stood next to each other the black of his clothes and the pink of yours are just complete opposites. He always says how good looking you both are as a couple and the best dressed people in the clergy.

He sees your constellations tattoo the first time things get a little hot and steamy. After that, because of the contrast in your clothes, he says you are the stars that light up his nights sky.

You truely do brighten up his world, you are so sweet and caring towards him. He can just open up to you and be himself.

He is pretty carefree and easy going, but he has moments of feeling a little less optamistic about things. So you balance him out well and keep him seeing the brighter side of things.

He fell for you even more when he saw you caring for a bug that was stuck inside. Then you appologising to the table you walked into.

He loves champagne and cocktails. He has his own bar in his rooms and he is learning mixology. So you spend a lot of nights with him where he'll make cocktails and you will talk and dance together late into the night .

He has made you promise that you will give him a tattoo as soon as you feel ready to. He admires you so much for getting tattoos and wanting to learn even with your fear of needles. It gives him courage to start facing up to some of his fears.

The man has learnt his lesson after his last relationship didn't work out. So don't worry you get to grow old with him. You get to love the dusty old Nihil too. Who is super cute and doting over you. The man is just content to hold you in his arms and gaze lovingly at you reminiscing about all the awesome things you did together.

~

Written by Nyx.

ps We wrote a post about the Papas with an accident prone S/O. If you havn't read it yet then you can find it here. I hope it's something you will enjoy :) I too am accident prone so i get it xx

[miashyperfixations]

THE GOOD WITCH - MAISIE PETERS ALBUM REVEIW

23.06.2023 • Pop/Alternative • 15 songs • 47 minutes • 2023 Gingerbread man records, Warner Music Group

★★★★☆

FAV SINGLE: Run 

TOP 3: Coming Of Age • Wendy • Watch

Maisie Peters is a British singer-songwriter, based in London & originally from West Sussex. Peters emerged into the music industry in 2017, signing to Atlantic Records shortly after, Under which, she released two EPs & other singles as well as writing the soundtrack to the Apple TV+ series ‘Trying’. In 2021, Maisie signed to Gingerbread Man Records, releasing her debut album that same year & now, releasing her sophomore album ‘The Good Witch’.

Something I love about this album is that she doesn’t shy away from production. A lot of emerging pop artists tend to go for an acoustic sound now, recording songs at home in their bedroom or closet with just a laptop & a mic and sending them off for mixing. Whilst Maisie has some of that sound in her songs, they still have complex elements of production & her upbeat pop songs reign above with the layering of all kinds of instruments: drums, synths, vocals, the list goes on. She perfectly combines the two sides of pop music into her discography whilst remaining a lyrical genius. She’s also broken the mould of female pop artists having to re-invent themselves with every album cycle & finding a new sound. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with continuing to produce music of a certain sound, especially if it works for the artist. In my mind, ‘The Good Witch’ is a more mature older sister to Maisie’s debut album ’You signed up for this’.

‘Wendy’ is without a doubt one of the most lyrically beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. The album’s 9th track, written around the concept of Peter & Wendy, is a song about knowing your own worth & choosing the right path (even if it’s not what the heart wants) to avoid becoming invisible & regretting life later on. It shows that wanting to see the best in others isn't always good because you become blind to the truth as it becomes an unreachable reality. Even if you know it’s right, things can still feel wrong in the moment & you have to make the sacrifices that are best for you. In a heartbreaking way, the song is an uplifting ballad about taking control of your own life & not waiting around on people who might not even  be there in the end.

The week after the album was released, on the 30th June 2023, ‘The Good Witch’ debuted at number 1 on the UK’s official album charts which gave Maisie her first ever number one album. Additionally, at 23, Maisie became the youngest British female solo artist to do so in almost 10 years, the record was previously held by Ella Henderson who achieved number 1 with her LP ‘Chapter One’ in 2014 at 18 years old. Maisie’s first album, ’You signed up for this’, peaked at number 2 on the official album chart when it was released in 2021.

Alone, Maisie has built up a large fanbase, having been dubbed one of Taylor Swift’s industry children & thus, attracting hordes of British swifties, but she has also done so through her relationship with Ed Sheeran. Sheeran signed Maisie to his record label 'Gingerbread Man Records’ in 2021 after she burst into the music industry & the two have a very close & public mentor/mentee relationship. A key part of building her fanbase has come from opening for Sheeran’s ‘Mathematics Tour’ for almost all of the UK/EU dates, all Oceania dates & a few of the American dates. As an incentive for ‘The Good Witch’ to reach number 1, Ed claimed over social media that he’d release a fan-favourite demo of hers if the album did so. And true to his word, Ed leaked ‘Girl’s House’ the evening the album charted via a link on his instagram story & fans went mental. 

Overall, I think that I personally prefer Maisie’s first album (as a body of work) but this is subject to change as time goes on of course. She is, without a doubt, one of the next big pop girls on the scene & her neverending talent just solidifies her position in the music industry.

[lei-lei-artz]

Blossoms of the deep

Chapter 2?

That kiss had been on Layton’s mind for the next little while and the words he said….

“I’ll see you back at this helicopter later, Layton”

That made Layton feel a little bit more happy, especially since the graveyard isn’t the definition of a “happy” place. Also she was thinking about if that kiss was also too sudden or not because with other past relationships, I took a damn while for a confession to be made or for someone to make the first move.

For the rest of that day she did her job that the admiral had assigned her with, it was boring but it was something. While doing her work she did end up seeing Roland from afar, but he was too busy to notice her.

The sun was beginning to set and Layton figured she should probably go and rest for the night soon but then Roland’s words popped into her mind, she should go meet him at the helicopter!

She immediately began sprinting back to the same helicopter as if she were running in track and field (Layton’s actually a really good runner, taking first during many track meets) when she arrived, she began searching the area for Roland, but she couldn’t find him. She sighed out of disappointment

“Go figure he’d forget.”

Just then someone grasped both her shoulders, causing Layton to yelp and jump back.

“Haha! You dumbass!”

It was Roland, he was there the whole damn time!!

“Of course you’d pull a stunt like that! I swear I could’ve broke your nose!”

Roland was still laughing his ass off as if it were the funniest thing he’d seen in a while.

“Seriously, the way you jumped and screamed was pure comedy gold.”

Roland’s howling laughter began to die down, eventually coming to a stop though it took quite a few deep breaths to do so. Layton still had her hand on her chest and she was still shooken up.

“Never do that shit again, sharkboy .”

“No promises, Lay—don’t call me that.”

“Don’t scare me then.”

Roland put his hands up in a jokingly surrender.

“My bad.”

Layton sat down with her back leaned against the helicopter, looking up at the night sky. Roland shrugged and took a seat beside her.

“The night sky is almost like a pitch black void, splattered with the light of twinkling stars and the colourful explosions that are nebulas and reminiscence of stars, isn’t it?”

Roland stared at her for a second, seemingly confused.

“Damn, you got poetic for a second there but you are right, you can see the sky clearly out here.”

The two of them continued their stargazing, lost in the experience as if the beauty of the night sky was dragging them into a trance. Roland finally spoke up after a while of silence.

“So…should we do something, I’m pretty bored.”

“Someone’s got a short attention span.”

“Oh shut it.”

“Hm…what’re your thoughts on music, like genres and artists?”

Roland thought about it for a moment, he hadn’t really listened to music much but he enjoyed it when he got the chance.

“I really like metal and maybe some rap or hip-hop. Indie rock is okay as well, I guess.”

“I like Indie-pop, indie-rock and metal, but also some pop is nice too. My favourite artists are Foster The People, Metric, Metallica and Taylor Swift.”

“I see you’re a music person, Layton?”

Layton smiled and nodded.

“I actually had a vinyl collection back at home…”

The thought of it saddened her, Roland noticed this.

“What’s wrong, Lay?”

“It just saddens me that I had to leave everything behind when my parents signed that damn order, it’s bullshit.”

“Yeah it sucks.”

Layton leaned her head against Roland’s shoulder, just wanting someone to comfort her after her parents not and losing someone she cared deeply for. Roland wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her arm in a soothing way. Layton moved so she was straddling his lap and she nuzzled her face into his neck. Roland was a little bit surprised by the sudden motion but he didn’t care and just let her do her own thing, after all she needed the comfort.

Roland laid back on the ground onto a more comfortable position. Layton was still nuzzled into his neck, Roland’s arms were wrapped around her, holding her tight. He gave her a quick little peck on the top of the head, taking a moment to just relax and enjoy the moment. Peace was a feeling that neither Roland nor Layton could achieve, especially with all the bullshit that was occurring but this was definitely something related to that feeling.

It felt wonderful, a moment of tranquility for the both of them.

[notebookmusical]

Hi Cossette!! I'm so glad that you also enjoy Laufey's Everything I Know About Love :D Listening to the LP is a wholesome and cozy experience (I was listening to the deluxe version earlier today) 💖 What are your favourite tracks from the album?

Ahh yes!! I discovered Holly Humberstone a little while ago and really liked The Walls Are Way Too Thin and the singles that she released last year (I particularly enjoy Friendly Fire and Scarlett)! I've just listened to her other EP this weekend via the compilation record and love it :D Fingers crossed that we'll get to hear her debut album later this year!!

I've also listened to a couple artists that you've mentioned (The Japanese House, Isabel Pless, and Cate Canning) and enjoy their music!! The Japenese House's recent singles (for her upcoming album) are quite different to her previous work but I found her new sonic influence refreshing 💖

I still need to listen to Cate Canning's older songs, but her latest releases are very promising and I'm looking forward to what she comes up with in the future! I first heard about Cate Canning from Maisie Peters' Cate's Brother and I definitely can tell that they artistically influence each other in their songwriting & storytelling!!

I feel you with the upcoming releases! I've been that I'm currently eagerly waiting for:

First Two Pages of Frankenstein by The National

My Soft Machine by Arlo Parks

I'm also looking forward to upcoming releases from Brynn Cartelli! I'm pleasantly surprised by Brynn Cartelli's discography - her music is quite narrative focused & memorable (I discovered her from a friend who's into Maisie Peters) so she's certainly worth checking out :D

P.S. omg yes!! Maisie Peters absolutely excels at storytelling and lyrics: in some sense this also reminds of Taylor Swift's songwriting - vivid narratives and memorable lyrics 💖 I hope that we'll get a Maisie Peters guest appearance for the UK dates for The Eras Tour!

did you see laufey's been working on her second album? i'm SO excited! i was hoping to snag her valentine RSD on record store day, but my store sold out before they even got remotely close to me! i feel like laufey's music was just made for vinyl. i really love above the chinese restaurant, dear soulmate, and of course, her rendition of i've never been in love before! according to my airbuds widget, i listened to scarlett eight times last week (which feels low for me)! it's definitely one of my favorites of hers — i also really love sleep tight, the walls are way too thin, and deep end. i've been listening to rock city lately too, which was part of the EarthPercent x Earth Day ’23 Compilation Album, and i've been really liking it too! i forgot that the national's new album is out so soon! time is not real! i'm really excited for the alcott, obviously, as well as this isn't helping. i need to listen to more of their stuff — maybe i'll listen to it while i work tomorrow (i'm in too many meetings today to properly listen to a new album)! speaking of things to listen to, i listened to some of brynn cartelli's stuff this morning, and enjoyed convertible in the rain & secondhand smoke! i think it's so lovely how you can tell which artists were influenced by others, and i think maisie & cate just have such a sweet friendship. i can't wait to see what cate puts out next! and yes — that would be so lovely!!! part of me was hoping that sabrina carpenter would open for taylor, but it seems less likely now given that she's doing her own europe tour this summer, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed for holly or maisie — or maybe bea will come back? i think that'd be fun too! i hope you've been having a good week so far!! so sorry for the delayed reply 🤍

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22/04/2023 (Lewis Capaldi, David Kushner, Post Malone)

To my surprise, and seemingly everyone’s, Lewis Capaldi takes his third #1 of the album cycle with “Wish You the Best” thanks to CD sales, dethroning “Miracle” by just a couple thousand sales – hey, you can’t say it’s not an exciting chart this week... and it really is in some ways, so prepare for that. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

So, yeah, we had a bit of a shake-up this week, especially at the very top of the chart. Regardless, as always, we start with our notable drop-outs – songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 – and whilst there many dropouts this week, not many are all that notable. My favourite may be that due to the three-song rule, wherein the UK Singles Chart allows for only three tracks by one lead artist (usually) on the chart at a given time, Lewis Capaldi’s “How I’m Feeling Now” – his best song – has dropped out of the chart entirely on what would have been its biggest sales week, which really does make me question why they don’t extend the limit to five – it’s very possible that a standard pop rollout ends up promoting four simultaneous singles, and as we see from these random dropouts, tends to happen. I think that a five-song limit would actually do its job at preventing album bombs for the most part, though big artists of course will still score five debuts in one week. Otherwise, we say farewell to “DOGTOOTH” by Tyler, the Creator, “River” by Miley Cyrus, “Red Ruby da Sleaze” by Nicki Minaj, “22” by JayO, “Shut Up My Mom’s Calling” by HOTEL UGLY and also due to the three-song rule but declining anyway, “Lavender Haze” by Taylor Swift. There’ll be on both Taylor and Nicki later on.

As for what filled up the space, well, we have two re-entries – one normal as “The Kind of Love We Make” by Luke Combs squats down at #75 and one irregular as “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals shoots back to #24 thanks to an ACR reset and what purpose do we have on Earth other than to suffer? Outside of... that, we do have a small batch of gains: “Flip a Switch.” by RAYE at #48 (expect this to go even further), “Snooze” by SZA at #39, “Never Felt So Alone” by Labrinth making the top 40 at #33 (that’s awesome), “Peaches” by Jack Black at #28 (that’s... something) and “Cupid” by FIFTY FIFTY at #26.

Our top five starts relatively normal with “Eyes Closed” by Ed Sheeran at #5 and “People” by Libianca at #4 but then we have David Kushner of all people debut at #3 with “Daylight” before of course, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding dethroned at #2 by Capaldi’s “Wish You the Best” at #1. We’ll talk more about those two songs afterwards, but for now, I’ll say that I honestly have more expectations for longevity with Kushner than Capaldi. Before we even think about those songs anymore, however, we have our list of new entries to work through.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 – “live more & love more” – Cat Burns

Produced by Jordan Riley and Stuart Price

It seems like Cat Burns is finally revving up for that second single after “go” was a massive hit last year, and since singer-songwriter types tend to be slow burns – no pun intended – it’s no surprise that this has debuted pretty low, but does it deserve to get higher? Well, it’s inoffensive, but almost offensively so, with writing that feels so basic it’s practically patronising. It’s a self-empowerment anthem with plucky guitars that sound really cheap over some of the grossest percussion I’ve heard in pop, as a really sandy, non-existent snare is for whatever reason amplified in the mix so heavily that it is actively distracting from the otherwise muddy, compressed ocean of a mix. I can get behind the sentiment of spending more of your time loving and following your dreams but if she’s having to point out the cliché in the bridge, maybe she shouldn’t have released the bloody song. Also, “your life can start when you choose it to” is a lie, just flagrantly – the attitude in the song paints with such a broad brush that it seems like Cat Burns wants to ignore all external factors that would potentially hinder someone’s life. There’s zero nuance to this and whilst that may work on the radio, it makes for an unflattering second single that honestly kind of puts me off Cat Burns, who I thought was otherwise promising. This is just toothless garbage.

#71 – “Maria Maria” – TECH IT DEEP

Produced by TECH IT DEEP

So, this is a bit of a bizarre one. TECH IT DEEP is the pseudonym of Essam, a Dutch festival promoter and I guess DJ, though this is to date his only song on streaming services. It’s also a remake of the classic Santana track of the same name featuring The Product G&B, mostly known for its iconic guitar solo, which originally peaked at #6 in 2000. I question why then that the guitar solo, the most widely known part of the song, mentioned by the lyrics themselves, and heavily sampled later on in DJ Khaled’s “Wild Thoughts”, is simply not included here. Sure, there are other important parts of “Maria Maria”: The Product G&B have nasal voices yet the melodies in even the verses are immediately recognisable and they play off the Latin guitar incredibly well. The groove synced up with the clap is a slick rhythm, and of course, the guys actively shout out the guitar played by Carlos Santana before that solo which acts as the refrain. It’s also a kind of bizarrely-structured song, with the chorus being incredibly long, the bridges being out of rhythmic mantras and... Wyclef Jean being there for some reason. It’s not as good as “Smooth”, sure, but what is? This remix by TECH IT DEEP has literally none of that, and I’d usually appreciate something that has the gall to completely recreate a song from scratch, but it immediately starts with the slap house groove coated in echoed, processed vocals that again, actively shout out the guitar played by Carlos Santana... which doesn’t play, there’s no remnant of it. There is a Latin guitar riff but it’s clearly not Santana, and once it gets to the build-up, it occurs to me that... “Maria Maria” could have easily been a dance song. Its original groove was inspired by a Wu-Tang Clan beat, its bridge has that rhythmic vocal line that is essentially already percussion, and the guitar solo acts much like the main lead in an EDM drop. Why TECH IT DEEP decided to move the song around like they did is beyond me – it feels kind of arbitrary and random where each verse or refrain ends up which, to be fair, is the case with the original song, but the original also had that one thing driving it all: the solo, and the bass drop in this version is not nearly climactic enough to replace it. What a butchering of something that could have been a cool idea.

#68 – “Karma” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Sounwave, Jack Antonoff, Taylor Swift, Keanu Beats and Jahaan Sweet

I think we’re going to get a new fan favourite off of Midnights hit the chart ever so often depending on the success of the Eras Tour as we kind of have intermittently, but “Karma” may be the most bizarre choice yet... mostly because it sucks. I don’t mind Antonoff’s buzzy synths here, giving off a lot of chillwave vibes, but the drums do them no justice and Taylor absolutely doesn’t, with a combination of some of her most heavy-handed delivery and awkward lyricism ever. Midnights is full of moments just like “Karma”, but this song in particular doesn’t do anything new in presenting itself as anything other than annoying and unlikeable. The harmonies are alright, but they contribute to the childlike, sing-songy nature of that embarrassing chorus – I mean, “flexing like a Goddamn acrobat”? Seriously? Taylor portrays karma as her companion and she has said that it is the most important life lesson to be learned, but it also makes her blissfully ignorant if she’s going to make poetic leaps in the verses and basic analogies in the chorus over chintzy synthpop. It doesn’t make her sound like a badass or a cheeky karma fairy going around stealing teeth, it just makes her sound aggravating. I’m not completely against songs from Midnights still picking up traction, but I much would have preferred, say, “Midnight Rain” or “Vigilante” over this nuisance and tonal clash of a song.

#60 – “Try Me” – Jorja Smith

Produced by SANDAME

R&B singer Jorja Smith is back with a new single after what honestly feels kind of like forever – she’s been only intermittently releasing singles, mostly collaborations, since 2021 and this potentially could be the lead single for that sophomore album, finally, and it would be an interesting one, given how percussive it is with the rumbling drums and jingling percussion that starts off the track before moving into a fluid groove with some incredible bass guitar and background shrieks that further the intensity of this song, which transitions into the chorus through a bloody gun sound effect – that’s how confrontational it is. To be honest, I don’t fully think that Jorja adds much to the song – I love the backing vocals and the mantra of “change” and it makes perfect sense for her vocals to be so heavy in the mix, but the chorus melody isn’t all that flattering and she kind of gives up on her most fittingly percussive flow in the second verse. The lyrics also feel incredibly vague, which takes me out of really understanding why the song is so confrontational. The outro is gorgeous, with Jorja merging her belting with a falsetto over string stabs and backing vocal riffs that merge into the melting pianos as her mantra continues to cascade over an increasingly incoherent, paranoid instrumental. The atmosphere is immaculate but I don’t think as a full song that the delivery and lyricism lives up to SANDAME’s top-notch production. It’s still good, but this could have transcendent.

#59 – “J’adore” – Strandz

Produced by Strandz and Henry Pritchard

Strandz is back with his follow-up to the breakout “Us Against the World” and it elevates a trend that I’ve found kind of fascinating: UK rappers going back to the 2000s G-Unit sound with their production. In this one in particular, Strandz straight-up sounds like 50 Cent occasionally which is partly impressive considering the difference in accent. The sparkling flutes in the sample are drowned out and chopped up in a pretty great, hard-hitting beat that is stiff in the best way, yet with a better, more technical rapper it would definitely feel more worthwhile, as Strandz murmurs his way through rapping about his love for his girlfriend – mostly because she wants to learn about economics, apparently. I don’t know, it’s a bit of an awkward one – the great beat, which Strandz produced himself, doesn’t mesh all too well with his delivery but not awfully either. The chorus is a pretty cool idea, having the female vocal come in, but she just reinforces Strandz’s lines and it’s still mind-numbingly repetitive and basic, which is particularly annoying for a song that is still under two minutes. Much like “Us Against the World”, I feel like there are vaguely good ideas that go to waste not because of lack of talent but just lack of people helping him fully formulate these tracks. I will always root for independent artists, but a second co-producer or feature, preferably a woman to give extra balance and depth to the track, would really help out for now until he can refine his sound even further with this 2000s throwback style, which I will say is pretty unique. You know what isn’t?

#46 – “Waffle House” – Jonas Brothers

Produced by Jon Bellion, Pete Nappi, Tenroc, Ido Zmishlany and Daniel Tashian

Waffle House, Inc. is an American restaurant chain with over 1,900 locations in 25 states in the United States. Most of the locations are in the South, where the chain is a regional cultural icon. Waffle House is headquartered in Norcross, Georgia, in the Atlanta metropolitan area. The first Waffle House opened on Labour Day weekend in 1955 at 2719 East College Avenue in Avondale Estates, Georgia. That restaurant was conceived and founded by Joe Rogers Sr. and Tom Forkner. Rogers started in the restaurant business as a short-order cook in 1947 at the Toddle House in New Haven, Connecticut. By 1949, he became a regional manager with the now-defunct Memphis-based Toddle House chain, then he moved to Atlanta. He met Tom Forkner while buying a house from him in Avondale Estates. Rogers's concept was to combine the speed of fast food with table service with around-the-clock availability. Forkner suggested naming the restaurant "Waffle House", as waffles were the most profitable item on the 16-item menu. On 17th September, 2019, customers who ate at a Waffle House in Goose Creek, South Carolina, were exposed to hepatitis. I shall provide no further comment.

#22 – “Princess Diana” – Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj

Produced by RIOTUSA

Ice Spice has given someone the remix treatment and now is granted it by the Queen of Rap herself who has massively cosigned and well, literally signed, Ice Spice as the newest up-and-comer when it comes to female rappers. I get why they chose “Princess Diana” – it doesn’t have an expensive sample to clear, but it still has a recognisable, basic guitar line and more resembles average trap in its groove than New York drill. It also completely blows as a solo song, with Ice’s flow never changing and the rhyme scheme staying consistently uninteresting and basic, though she – in the chorus – decides to pronounce similar sounds in very, very slightly alternating ways, which flips the rhyme scheme on its head a bit in a really awkward way when she could have just made them all rhyme. It sounds like a nitpick, and it is, but it also really throws me off – and probably only me – every time. There’s nothing of interest in her flexing and she sounds practically dead rapping it. The beat is perfectly fine, though, so with less Ice Spice and more Nicki, this could be alright and well, yeah, it is: the version in the video and the most-streamed version is a bit weaker in my opinion when compared to the extended version, simply because it makes the song feel more complete with a third verse from Nicki... and well, what do you know? You add a great rapper on a bad song and even through her opening ad-libs, I’m more convinced. She adds a lot of energy and her verses as always are full of charisma. Her first verse – and only verse on the original – is bonkers, starting with a brief spoken interlude, “grah” ad-libs that clip in the mix, counting in Spanish, and finally she starts rapping and comparing herself to Popeye... before switching the flow to compare herself to “the gamers”. She continues to change her flow and rhyme scheme effortlessly and constantly, but she keeps to the second for long enough for the verse to feel like it has focus, and it seems like a little detail but the “grah” ad-lib helps it feel cohesive. I’m not the biggest fan of Nicki but once she brings out the British accent, it’s just over for anyone else on the song – she probably should have had this beat and chorus to begin with because she completely takes over the song. Some people may want the two to trade bars but whilst even Nicki’s verses are mostly empty flexing, I think having the two compare bar for bar will show the drastic disparity in personality, lyrical dexterity and general skill, so having Ice work as a build-up for the Nicki verse is definitely a better way of going about it, and honestly completely changes my opinion on the song. Again, not a big fan of Nicki by any means but she has a certain presence about her that bulldozes a lot of the competition, male or female, and I’m glad she finally brought her A-game again to this. “Red Ruby da Sleaze” had even better versions but an awful chorus, so I’ll settle for slightly worse verses and a catchy if mind-numbing chorus that actually fits the instrumental. When’s that next album coming though, Ms. Minaj? Hopefully in the next decade. Now for someone who I think we’ll be treated to an album from very soon...

#11 – “Chemical” – Post Malone

Produced by Post Malone, Louis Bell and watt

This is technically a single from a greatest hits compilation, but given the under-performance and transitional nature of his last record, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a sort of damage-control follow-up, and this is a pretty safe example of what that could sound like. Honestly, the guitars sound like complete ass, but they essentially fade into the monogenre, reverb-drenched production which gives Post free reign to warble, even if he feels like he’s slightly straining here. The drums are typical “indie” fluff and nothing feels substantial as he once again balances his drug addiction with his relationships, making some vague parallels that have been done a lot of times before. This would be a perfectly serviceable song if the percussion wasn’t so pattering and kind of irritating, or if the guitars had any more rock grit to them than they do (current amount: none). There’s not even a bridge here, just a vague inflation of tensions with keys and Post repeating himself. It’s honestly kind of a sad and pathetic retread that back-tracks a lot of the progress he made on his previous album, which isn’t even one I particularly liked. ‘Tis a shame.

#3 – “Daylight” – David Kushner

Produced by Rob Kirwan

David Kushner, whose debut EP only charted in Lithuania and was an opening act for LAUV, which is perhaps the most embarrassing and degrading position in the pop music industry possible, could have been #1 this week. He definitely had the streams, yet was just a bit far from “Miracle”... and then the CD sales came for Capaldi and his chances – for now – were blown away... but this particular song is still yet to slow down all that much. You may remember his random 2022 hit “Miserable Man”, which peaked at #39 and was aptly miserable. Apparently he had another top 75 hit in the UK, which means I must have reviewed it... but its name is, I’m not joking, “Mr. Forgettable”. What perfect coincidence that is. Okay, let’s calm down on the jabs and give the song a chance – after all, people must have seen something in this to get an otherwise unknown to #3 – and I kind of get it. The chair rocking and squeaking over the pianos is a nice ambiance touch, and Kushner has a uniquely deeper voice compared to some other singer-songwriters... but then I realised that this was basically a Hozier song. He sounds like Hozier, he has the same distorted harmonies and backing falsettos that mix with a deep croon. He has a tendency for Biblical imagery too, and integrates some electric guitar, even if it all ends up being just part of another monogenre ballad that doesn’t have an effective climax, partly because it’s about... nothing? The lyrics demonstrate a paradoxical desire... what one? I don’t know, I don’t think it matters, but the problem here is that he expects me to care about a song that is explicitly about vague ideas rather than any constructed narrative like Hozier would have done, but it’s basically an “in the style of Hoizer” prompt, so I’m forced to question where the narrative is and sure, if he wants to do a song about vague concepts, feel free to, I like abstract lyrics when done well...  but he doesn’t say anything that provokes much nuance or interest, and his unchanging vocal delivery doesn’t do a pretty boring song any favours, especially once we get to that muddy faux-climax that is just melodramatic, echo-drenched Hell. In a world where Hozier literally just released an EP with a good lead single, I don’t understand why the public are craving for this disposable derivative.

#1 – “Wish You the Best” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by Lewis Capaldi and TMS

Well, Capaldi really impressed me with “How I’m Feeling Now” so maybe this newest #1 showcases some more of those signs of improvement... and yeah, it kind of does, but it transposes them within the “Someone You Loved” mould, as it’s a dire piano-based post-breakup track where he struggles to accept the relationship is over. He’s particularly manipulative and guilt-tripping in this one, which really hits a sour note considering how seriously I’m supposed to take this, but it’s not nearly as bad as his earlier tracks. He underplays the verses, has some genuine lyrical detail in them as well, whilst playing to some of the frailer emo-esque touches in his voice during the breaking falsetto in the pre-chorus and rough belting in the chorus. These are good elements, but I don’t think they fit within the more typical, expected Capaldi track – the man needs to use more guitars is what I’m saying, essentially, and allow for rougher production so he doesn’t need to iron out his rougher voice. You can at least tell that Capaldi cared about the writing, considering how the chorus changes in its final iteration that better fits the new tone, and I kind of like the subtly distorted strain he puts on in order to reach the song’s climax... but still, it just feels a bit watered-down and awkward. It’s a transitional-sounding song for Capaldi, I think, but it is a shame that he may have to continue making renditions of “Someone You Loved” to get #1s when I know he can do better.

Conclusion

That really wasn’t a great week, huh? I didn’t find much to care about and at worst, the songs felt like they have this weird, commercial distaste for their own audience, with all of the bad songs here and Hell, even some of the more okay and decent ones, presenting a version of the artist or song with much less potential than they actually have, which is a really sad trend honestly. Regardless, the Best of the Week goes to Jorja Smith, I suppose, for “Try Me” but it’s mostly for the production, with the Honourable Mention going to, let’s be honest, Nicki Minaj for injecting some life into “Princess Diana” by Ice Spice. I think I’m going to give Worst of the Week to Cat Burns for “live more & love more”, mostly because of its gross lack of awareness, with the Dishonourable Mention being a bit tougher. I think I’m going to tie it between “Chemical” by Post Malone and “Maria Maria” by TECH IT DEEP because they share this irking distaste or disrespect for the audience’s expectations that makes the artists and/or song seem disappointed and unsatisfied with their own work. Oh, and Waffle House of the Week goes to “Waffle House” by the Waffle House Brothers. Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

love letter to Taylor Swift

Thank you for healing me and so many people with your music. For telling us stories through your masterful lyrics and for transmitting your feelings and passion through your music. For never making us feel alone. For empowering us and inspiring us. For making us feel loved and appreciated as fans. Thank you for doing a non-stop three and a half hour-long show for us. I enjoyed every second of it and I don't think anything will ever compare to the magic that is going to the Eras Tour.

The moment the countdown starts and Taylor appears from under the stage, you could feel the air being charged with electricty all through-out the 92,000 people in Wembley Stadium. I felt such overflowing joy coursing through my body, it was truly unbelievable. I couldn't believe I was really here after preparing 8 months for this concert. It's been a long time coming and it was definitely worth the wait. The emotions were riding high all night, but that single moment when Taylor comes onstage is a feeling I will never forget.

You feel so safe when you're at her concert, it's really like no other place on Earth. There are no drunk men insulting each other, or catcalling you, there is no one judging you. Every single person at that concert is there to have fun and you feel so at ease. Because Swifties are usually pinned as 'crazy' but never 'passionate' and I haven't met a single one who isn't the sweetest and kindest person. There are no accidents provoked by the fans at the concerts like there are at football games. Some may say 'I just don't get the hype'. Well honey, you don't have to get it, you just have to respect it.

The Fearless era of the concert makes me feel so nostalgic because those songs made up my whole childhood and after I had screamed and cried to All Too Well for 10 minutes, I already had no voice. There is just nothing more therapeutic than screaming 'fuck the patriarchy' with 92,000 swifties. When Taylor sings the high note in Don't Blame Me, it literally feels like your soul leaves your body for a moment. And not to even mention the transition to Look What You Made Me Do!! Jaw-dropping moment that rocked me to my very core.

After she sang Champagne Problems, the whole stadium gave her a 4 minute long ovation. It was loud and defeaning the whole 4 minutes non-stop, and altough the whole concert is unforgettable, that moment I will never remember it and not get teared up. The most special set for me was TTPD, because we had a surprise guest, Florence and the Machine and when she appeared onstage the whole stadium went wild! My personal favourtie is when Taylor performs Who's Afraid of Little Old Me, because it makes me feel so powerful and she sings it with so much rage that it tops any other performance. Nevertheless, the bridge to the Smallest Man Who Ever Lived was screamed by the whole stadium in a way that gives me goosebumps remembering it. So many icnonic moments, but nothing will ever top the surprise songs.

Every time I now look at a video of Taylor performing So Long London, I get this knot in my chest because you can hear the pain in her voice. It was my favourite performance of hers in the acoustic set by a long shot because we can all feel the heartbreak and closure the song brings. She made sure that the last night in the European leg of the Eras Tour was special and once Karma was over and the fireworks were done, I felt so full of love and happiness in a way only her concert and her music can make you feel.

Remembering all those memories made in those 3 hours makes me cry (to be honest I've been crying the whole time I was writing this) and that's why Taylor Swift will never compare to any other artist. So thank you Taylor, for doing this big show for us, for making it something we will never forget. For being so hard working to get where you have, for putting so much effort and love into everything you do. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Thank you for being my role model, for being the kind of celebrity I can admire with every single interview or speech I hear from you.

You built a legacy no one can undo.

You've broken countless records with this tour alone, let's not even discuss the records your art, that belongs to you and you alone, has broken.

You are the music industry.

It was enchanting to meet you. I love you to the moon and to saturn <3

[ltenvs3000f23]

Unit 4 Blog Post

Who are you to interpret nature through art? How do you interpret “the gift of beauty”? (Your readings – specifically Chapter 5 of the textbook – will be helpful for this!)

To me, interpreting art through nature is a fascinating topic as it can take on many different forms as well as connect with people through their interests. Of course, a representation of this can be seen through paintings as many would assume when talking about art specifically. However, art in itself typically surrounds creativity and imagination, any form of expressing oneself or an idea or any one topic that involves that creative factor is at the heart of any art form. This can range from paintings to videos to dance or music, there truly is no limit for the various ways of expressing art.

Personally, my favourite form of interpreting nature through art is with photographs or images that capture the beauty of nature itself. This doesn’t specifically entail photos captured in real life but these can also be images that have been made on other platforms that attempt to express a particular part of nature. For example, I absolutely love sunsets, any chance that I get to watch one is when I try to be outside to appreciate it as much as I can. I can also say the same about the northern lights (it’s my dream to see them in real life!!) and space. Any photos that capture the absolute stunning views of the stars in our planet, galaxies, northern lights, etc., always take my breath away whether the images are real or not.  

Another form of an art form that I have always connected to is music. I listen to music every single day, at this point it is so routine and structured into my life now. I listen to a variety of different artists and they all have very different ways of expressing themselves through this art form. An artist that I love to listen to and have been a huge fan of since I was a little kid is Taylor Swift. Yes, I know that some of you may be thinking… seriously? But yes, seriously. Listening to her music while walking outdoors is when I truly take in nature for its beauty. On my walks, I listen to her ‘folklore’ and ‘evermore’ albums, and if you happen to know anything about those albums, you would know that those two albums are the most poetic of hers. The lyrics within are so captivating to listen to while looking at the beautiful colours of the leaves along with the gentle whistling of the wind and the sounds of diverse species that ring through. I look forward to walking specifically with those soundtracks because I truly feel embedded within nature when I’m listening to it.

To summarize, these are the forms of art that I love to use to connect with nature. As I quickly stated above, there are so many ways that nature can be interpreted through art. The two forms that resonate the most with me are through visual images and photography as well as through music. I’m curious to hear what some of your favourite ways of interpreting nature through art is, I would love to know! I have attached some images that I find fascinating below that I was talking about earlier — some are genuine depictions of nature, while others are interpretations. However, I will leave you to decide what you think is and isn’t “authentic.”

Thank you for taking the time to read my post this week!

[jmacxyz]

I Must Confess

It's three minutes past 12 midnight on the 13th of December. I just finished sending a tweet to greet my favourite artist and love of my life---Taylor Swift. She's amazing and I love 99.9% about her but these scribblings aren't supposed to be about TS. It's a whole different story and I don't know why I'm using her to sort of delay what I intend to tell.

This time of the year is really different from last year for me internally but I won't spoil you the details since this isn't a year-end review of any sort. To be brief, December 2021 wasn't nice to me and I did a lot of covering and self-distraction to be able to present myself to be well put and in utmost glee for the holiday season (sort of a self-imposed tradition during Christmas and New Year time). It was bleak and unhealthy for me for all sorts of reasons. I managed to get over it and heal by myself and on my own terms. It wasn't easy as it took me, in a sense, a year to get back on my feet. However, I realized healing did not look like anything I imagined. Hence, I am writing this as some sort of confession.

I must confess that it's true, healing and dealing with the pain wasn't easy. It was also never linear. One day I feel like I'm fine and I don't give a damn about everything that has transpired then tomorrow I'm back at being a wreck. It was on and off and it felt like nearing the finish line but realising you're kinda back to square one again.

I would also confess that healing would never constitute regaining your past self or getting the 'old you'. Healing on my terms and experience entailed growth. Getting better and wiser slowly but surely. But it's not all sugar and spice and (of course) neither is anything nice. It was me being more reserved and shifty. I easily detach to situations and people who pose a threat to me and my peace. It's being distant and not trusting anyone easily. It amplified the level of overthinking and trust issues I predominantly possess as a defense mechanism to filter and scrutinize people with higher accuracy and precision.

But above all, I must confess, it doesn't just go away. I can guarantee that I have moved past the things that occurred but it doesn't mean I completely forgot it. Sometimes I still get thoughts about the memories and the person. The only difference is that it doesn't hurt anymore. Or there's still pain and disappointment but it became negligible. I don't have to starve myself just because someone's mad at me. I don't feel worthless because I never got the answer and the explanation I once longed for. I don't have to question my worth and sacrifice my self-esteem because of how a person valued me. I don't feel garbage just because I was told all the sweet things and promises that were just written in the sand only to be washed away by the weakest of waves.

I don't have to hate myself because you lied that you loved it. I don't have to take the blame because it wasn't my fault. I don't have to feel shitty just because you treated me like shit. I don't need to beg for you to come back nor to reciprocate the pain you've caused and get even. I don't have to punish myself because of how you treated me and made me feel.

But I confess, sometimes at random, I think of you. I didn't do it on purpose but random flashbacks and echoes still get me or if a thing or a person reminded me of you. I never would want to cross paths or talk to you but I still know your birthday. I still remember the first night we talked for hours and hours. And sometimes I do hate myself for entertaining the fact that I may be able to forgive you if ever there is some sort of miracle or faulty voodoo that would happen to make you reach out to apologize and explain. I clearly don't want that anymore but at the same time I still think sometimes like a hypothetical situation.

I must confess, it was over. I have accepted and came to terms with it. It already came to a vague and excruciating conclusion--- everything was said and done. I believe you don't think of me the moment it ended but I finally forgave myself for not being able to do the same thing. It's not my fault that I did things sincerely. It's not something to be ashamed of.

It was a bad time, but somehow, I survived.

End of confession. 12/13/2022.