#and your (eventually) like ok I fuck with that
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Febuwhump Day 20: “I did good, right?”
pairings: gen
summary: a story about y/n, Redbull’s new second driver, told in non-sequential order
a/n: I love febuwhump and have participated before for other fandoms but this is a first for me — attempting to compete it via smau only. Hopefully I can write a complete story eventually and I will be posting it on its own masterlist in the correct order to read but it’ll be written based on the febuwhump prompt list! @febuwhump
a/n2: based on the 2024 year; sorry checo but you got replaced earlier!
Masterlist | Taglist
f1gossip
liked by user, user, user, and 2,726,193 others
tagged: y/n_rb
f1gossip: transcripts of y/n’s radio moments before her crash. despite y/n being conscious in the aftermath, there seems to be evidence of head trauma in her responses.
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user1: who hurt my girl…(other then herself)
↳user2: right?? Like girl you just crashed, why are you so worried about whether or not you finished…
user3: petition to wrap her the fuck up in bubble wrap and give her some damn comfort
↳user4: double signed!
↳user5: I’ll triple it if we give her some damn blankets and like tea or hot chocolate
↳user3: oh absolutely
user6: redbull I am in your fucking walls. Treat our girl right!
↳user7: right????? Like fucking he’ll she should NOT be that worried about the race — she should be worried about herself
user8: oh this really clarifies her recent posts…
↳user9: she’s a fucking riot
↳user10: for real! We need to see her drunk cause I bet that shit is funny af
user11: I don’t know who is y/n or what f1 means but I googled her after seeing some of her posts (funny and relatable) but I hope she’s doing all right?
↳user12: everything looks like it will be ok user11. y/n is a race car driver in the formula 1 series and she’s gotten into a few bad crashes before
↳user12: her being conscious is a good thing!
↳user11: oh that’s good to hear!
↳user11: and race car? Like cars from Disney?
↳liamlawson30: yes
Bluesky
Taglist
@anamiad00msday @suns3treading @daniskywalkersolo @awritingtree @justheretoreadthxxs @coral7161 @lost4lyrics @mastermindbaby @freyathehuntress @angelluv16 @nichmeddar @mxm47max @justaf1girl @a-beaverhausen @tallrock35 @elizamoe133 @imlonelydontsendhelp @jessica3478 @il0vereadingstuff @msimpala-67 @Americanvenom13 @taylorrrrrrrrrrswiftttt @widow-cevans @yawn-zi
#febuwhump2025#febuwhumpday20#tw concussion#tw head injury#tw head trauma#tw car accident#tw car crash#f1 smau#f1#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 instagram au#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 smau#platonic grid x you#platonic grid x y/n#platonic grid instagram au#platonic grid fic#platonic grid smau#platonic grid imagine#platonic grid#formula 1 social media au#formula 1 instagram au#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x reader#formula one x reader
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Ok hi imma bug you for a bit cuz yeah
So… context I just bought a Deadpool and Wolverine sports bra and boyshorts set among others and I’m getting a kick out of it it’s so silly
Anywho
Ellie and reader and in the middle of making out and Ellie gose to take off readers shirt or pants and sees the Deadpool’s and Wolverine set and reader gets embarrassed cuz they’re silly but Ellie has never been more turned on in her life
They fuck nasty
Anyway Ellie finds readers choice of bra and underwear hot
If you wanna write this you can but you don’t have to.
Ok I’m done
-saturn
hihi againn !! 😋 you're never bugging me trust i love your requests trust 🙏 your ideas are always fire asf
✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯
modern!ellie who's been feeling needy for little to no reason all day, barely focusing during work, spacing out every few minutes and thinking of you
modern!ellie who couldn't keep her hands off her phone, texting you slews of dirty and desperate messages, asking you to swing by for a quickie (to which you denied, you were about to attend a very important work meeting in a few minutes)
modern!ellie who hauls ass to get home, taking as many shortcuts as possible to get to you
modern!ellie who fumbles with her keys when she gets to your shared place, cursing when she drops them on the ground
modern!ellie whose eyes land on you as soon as she enters the bedroom, dressed all comfy and scrolling on your phone
modern!ellie who's next to you in seconds, gently taking the phone out of your hands and setting it to the side, pulling you into a kiss
modern!ellie who starts the kiss out slow and sweet, cradling your cheeks in her hands as she moves to straddle your hips
modern!ellie whose own neediness fogs her mind, the kiss taking a 180 as she pours her pent up emotions onto your mouth like honey
modern!ellie who takes your bottom lip between her teeth, a hand in your hair as her hips start to gyrate against yours
modern!ellie who lets out a whorish moan when you suck on her tongue after she bullies it into your mouth, pulling away slightly to take off your shirt
modern!ellie who snaps out of her horny haze when you grab her wrist in order to stop her from doing so, her expression morphing from need to concern at the action
modern!ellie who starts rapid firing questions nervously, asking what's wrong, if she did anything wrong, if she was moving too fast
modern!ellie who looks even more confused at your embarrassed expression
modern!ellie who listens to your explanation of what's underneath your shirt and just giggles, reassuring you that she's worn much worse before
modern!ellie whose pupils blow out at the sight of the set, fingers tracing around the band of the sports bra, remarking how fucking hot it looks on you
modern!ellie who has you keep the set on, slipping her hand under the waistband of your boyshorts to rub circles into your clit, rutting against your thigh as she goes back to kissing you
modern!ellie who changes her mind in mere minutes and has both yours and her underwear thrown somewhere across the room, situating her legs against yours
modern!ellie who lets out slutty little whines as she starts to grind her cunt against yours, the wet friction easing the ache that was previously radiating between her legs
modern!ellie who has her head lulled onto your shoulder, arms looped around your neck as she murmurs praise into your skin
"Y'feel so good babe, fuck...yeah, like that.."
"You're so hot...gonna ruin me, mhm?"
modern!ellie who starts sucking on your skin, leaving dark blooming hickeys in the wake of her lips
modern!ellie who tugs at the straps of your sports bra but never takes it off
modern!ellie who lets out the loudest, most pornographic moans when she's close and eventually cums (you definitely got a complaint from your neighbor the next day about it)
modern!ellie who gives you the shortest break ever before shuffling down to settle between your legs, lapping up her own cum from your slit
modern!ellie who ends up eating you out for an hour straight, pushing you to close to 6 overstimulated orgasms
modern!ellie who buys you a bunch of similar sets the next day, laying them out on your side of the bed
✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯✮✯
#tlou part 2#ellie williams x reader#ellie x reader#the last of us part 2#ellie the last of us#the last of us#ellie smut#sub!ellie#request#bottom!ellie
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I just had an upsetting thought - what if Alison constantly visited the Ghosts and knew - when she was old and grey and had lived a life - that she was going to die, so she made sure she was in Button House for it?
Mike accepts it and understands her want to go back to the Ghosts, they’re like family, they’re always there.
But then it’s Mike’s turn to go and he decides it must happen at Button House too. He’ll see his wife again! Spend a couple of hundred years together & hey he can actually meet/talk to the ghosts now!
Only when he dies and he meets all the Ghosts, who are all excited to actually talk to him etc, he asks where Alison is, only to find that she moved on straight away.
He finally gets to see a part of his life that was so bizarre for him, so secret and hidden, part of his life where he only ever had half a story. And now he has that half but his whole world is still gone and he doesn’t know when he’ll ever see her again.
#one thing I love about ghosts#is that Mike knows about them#there’s no elaborate hiding it all away from him on Alison’s side#I feel like it’s so unusual for a couple to be so healthy that your wife can say she’s seeing ghosts#and your (eventually) like ok I fuck with that#and she tells him straight away too#ghosts uk#bbc ghosts#mike cooper#alison cooper#the captain#julian fawcett#pat butcher#kitty higham#thomas thorne#lady button#robin#humphrey bone#sad ghosts post#my brain is weird
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hater alert! far too many people say that juri’s character arc ‘isn’t about her being sad about being gay, it’s about being sad about unrequited love that happens to be gay’ and. well. that is not true and by saying that you are completely flattening the brilliance of juri’s character arc which literally culminates in her being able to accept her own lesbianism despite her unrequited love, despite all her shame and self-loathing, despite this pursuit by Some Fucking Guy to try and ‘save’ her from these feelings. like if you think juri’s entire character is just ‘sad about shiori’ how do you appreciate even a modicum of the emotion packed into that final juri duel. it is both about shiori and, even broader, her lesbian identity and what that means to her intrinsically as a person, removed from romantic relationships and just purely as like. you know. Who She Is. the idea that even when juri’s locket is cut from her neck she is still a lesbian that’s still who she is and she cant change that and, crucially, she doesn’t want to even as she is agonised by these feelings. that’s why she forfeits the duel!!!! she’s clocking out she’s quitting she’s saying no!!!!!! this is me and ive got to be ok with that this is me and i can accept that this girl might not love me and i can keep living despite that. like. god im so normal arisugawa juri im so sorry that no one understands you and your intrinsically unapologetically lesbian storyline like i do
#ok got that out of my system now (rewatched ep 29 duel too many times)#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#idk i just see that argument so much and it makes me so sad#bc i get where ppl r coming from there r a lot of unnuanced ‘sad bc gay’ narratives out there#but juri’s whole arc is about actively challenging and deconstructing that idea#and it deals with the sadness that comes with being closeted with knowing youre gay and not really liking that about yourself#and eventually she does accept and embrace that aspect of herself but CRUCIALLY she doesnt do it via romantic validation#in fact she does it in the face of like. All Opposition Ever#no one says hey juri if you were gay that’d be totally fine actually haha#ruka tries to save her from her lesbianism!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!!#it is juri and juri alone who makes this resolution and that is just So Fucking Important to me#shes so. she is the queer character of all time to me i literally dont care no one else will ever come close#LIKE!!!!!!! THE CASTLE WEEPING ON HER WHEN SHE MAKES HER CHOICE!!!!!!!#accepting that part of yourself and having the symbol of matrimony and heteronormativity WEEP over you#no one ever validates juri’s choice to accept her queerness but she keeps making that choice#and her in episode 37…….. god i just might keel over and die girls when juri utena touga parallels……#anywayyyyyyy love and light i love juriposting#shut up daisy
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two consecutive reactions to arcane s2ep7, an exhibit
#only had time for one ep today but that wrecked me enough#ekko arcane#jayce talis#arcane#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#c speaks into the void#ok spoilers in the tags:#I HAVE BEEN CRYING FOR HOURS#ekko's stronger than me i would have never left#no because how do react to that. knowing there's a universe where your entire life didn't fall apart#powder is eventually going to realize that the reason ekko painted vi like that is because he knows how she would've looked if she lived#also tf happened to heimerdinger. did he just straight up vanish#for a moment there i thought jayce was c*nnibalizing himself until my sister told me he was eating an animal#last but not least FUCKING STROMAE??????#'LE PIRE C'EST TOI ET MOI'?????#'ennemie' sounding so much like 'ami' when he sings it i'm going to pass out#the song was the final blow tbh this will be in loop for a while#i am not ready for the other two i'm simply not#i need 3 weeks to recover from this one alone
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pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.
#pulp speaks#anyways guys youre never going to guess what au ive been thinking of lately .#i know the correct way to go about this is make sidestep the main character but you see#i will not be doing that. and actually in fact i will not be following the storyline of persona 5 in the slightest. because lol#but morgana exists in this au purely because i dont think the others would survive without him explaining what the metaverse is 💀#the rangers are a team of detective for the public sector in this au#and dr mortum is an unassuming everyday scientist that should not peak the rangers interest in any way. at all#in the video game that exists in my head the player can pick between playing julia or ricardo#it doesnt change the storyline that much but it does make the character relationships funky so#in my head chen is best friends with julia and argent is best friends with ricardo#chen and ortega stumble into the metaverse together so if you pick julia its two best friends in a life or death situation#but if you pick ricardo its your sisters best friend+kinda your boss in a life or death situation which personally i find extremely funny#regardless of which ortega you play with the other one doesnt know about the metaverse until id say like. the end of the first palace? beca#use thats when they start getting suspicious#and because this is ortega they follow them and find out about the metaverse that way#i dont think they become a phantom thief but i think they do end up covering the others asses irl#dr mortum still isnt actually a doctor but i think theyre the one providing medicine to them at the start of the game#theyre extremely wary of the rangers at the start and ortega can barely convince them to sell them things which they still charge-#-extremely high over. i think the turning point comes when they discover the metaverse because holy fuck they are So excited about it#both because of the implications and what the metaverse could be used For#chen is not thrilled about letting them know this but theyre kind of their supplier so its not like he can argue#i think mortum joins the phantom thieves eventually but as a navi#obviously its in their best interest to provide everything for free now that theyre part of the team but they still have to order supplies-#-so i think the way it works out in game is that theres certain days supplies can be ordered and you have to pay for it but the items can b#-picked up at any day of the week#but also i have no idea how that would work practically (its all in my head anyway so it doesnt actually matter but yk)#theres still more thoughts about this but im ✨running out of tags✨ and also i cannot organize my thoughts enough to explain it#im not main tagging this its going to be my silly self indulgent au for eternity ok
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I wish So Bad that I could confidently recommend lob corp and library of ruina to people because they're both genuinely rly good games and I also need ppl I know to understand the insanity that is project moon but like godddd they are a fucking Investment. Both in time and in brainpower. I generally think ppl exaggerate how hard lob corp is but it's certainly not easy and when it does get hard it gets HARD. Also it literally requires at least one day 1 reset (basically a new game+) to fully beat the game and at this point I've done at least 10. And for lor I'm not nearly as far in and I'm just scratching the surface of the real game but it's a beast of its own. Also 100+ hours and also hard as hell. Like this game does not fuck around with its difficulty spikes it will make you use your brain and it will give you a damn headache in the process. It's also one of my favorite card combat games I've ever played with mechanics that just so beautifully complement each other to create a dynamic and interesting battle system that gives it a completely different vibe and feeling than any other deck builder games I've played to the point where it almost feels wrong to me to categorize them together. But also I am not even slightly joking abt the headache thing every time I play this damn game I close it with a horrible headache and have to take a multi day break. I think everyone should experience this with me <3
#rat rambles#for the record I have not played limbus company nor do I plan to but the cast is rly good and I know a lot of ppl vouch for it#let it be known if I ever do get around to reading limbus stuff I will become obsessed with outis shes so me bait#youre telling me shes a middle aged woman a war criminal and a bootlicker? sign me the fuck up#I <3 crusty dusty women who suck ass#also ofc don is also the beloved but thats a given#the real question would be which of the other limbus women would comsume my life#because theyre all contenders for characters that could make me go insane. for better or for worse.#also reason number 500 that everyone I know should play these games is that its sooooo fun to make project moon ocs#ofc I and I imagine most ppl mostly make nugget ocs (aka your employees and combat units in the first two games)#but like its just fun to make ocs in this world in general#the worldbuilding of this game is like 90% built on 'would that be fucked up or what?' and I adore it for that#theyll just be like yeah theres a whole faction that follows these things called prescripts which can range from super simple stuff to#literally impossible stuff and if you aren't able to follow them you will be killed and theres a guy whos job it is to hand them out and he#has to routinely inform people to their face that they have to destroy their lives or die and it eventually breaks him#and you go ok cool Im still not over the teleporting trains that dont actually instantly teleport but instead travel through pocket#dimensions over the course of thousands of years during which the passengers can be injured and mangled and feel pain but not die and it's#not uncommon for whole societies to be formed in them but once they arrive to their destination the state of all the passengers is#perfectly reverted back to their state uppon entering leading to them being none the wiser of anything that had previously happened to them#and they go yeah haha we liked love town too anyways wanna watch this robot have another mental breakdown#and you go fuck yeah and get your ass handed to you
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... I am definitely some flavor of asexual, aren't I
#terribly drawn stuff#happy pride month lads#on another note why is it that I get much more shit when I tell people I'm aro than when I tell em I'm bi#when I say I'm bi people are like “ok cool”#but the moment I imply romance is just not for me it's always comments like “it's a phase”#or “you'll meet the right person eventually” or “you say that because you're still young”#fuck yall and fuck your romance bs#aromantic#bisexual#asexual#pride month
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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I am once again pissed at diet culture. I just watched three tiktoks in a row. how to cook dairyfree. How to meal prep without carbs. How to make healthy snacks without sugar. I keep getting (and stupidly clicking on) those articles that are like "ten things you shouldn't eat if you want to lose weight" and "why xy foods are bad for you" and wouldn't you know it last week i got recommendated articles that said those specific foods were super healthy and great for weight loss and now i should "never eat" them?? Is there any food we're still allowed to eat without being made to feel guilty?
#Fuck diet culture#And fuck my curiosity for always clicking on those articles and making the algorithm think i like them#I'm so pissed at this#Good thing spite is what got me over the worst of my ed#Spite shall make me enjoy all foods again!#Also funny how people who make their money sharing recipes also want to make me believe i should not be eating any food because it's all ba#Sounds a bit counter productive doesn't it#Because guess what#There sure was a time when i kept searching for low carb few calories no sugar recipes#And then i saw that it was over 100 calories and decided that was too much#Promoting the 'bad food' thing will eventually make people hate any food including your recipe#Ok rant over for now#Riya rambles#ignore my rambling#Tw ed
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Tbh I think the whole class should get to smooch hajime. It’s what he deserves
im imagining hajime sitting in a kissing booth looking like lucy from peanuts in her psychiatrist booth. kisses are 5 cents. the hajime is IN.
#hajime deserves the love <3#LMAO im trying to imagine the line up>>#teruteru BOLTS for the front but quickly gets crowd surfed to the back of the line. chiaki is in line too but she's getting distracted#by her game and isn't moving forward so whoever's behind her just cuts. kazuichi is like 3rd in line bc logically speaking#if he's FIRST in line he'll look THIRSTY for his BRO and that would be CRAZY! BUT!!! no way he's gonna be LAST that's his SOUL BRO ok#if anybody deserves haji bro kisses around here it's HIM!!! 😤#nekomaru finds it to be a great team building exercise!! remember to kiss with your CHEST!!! 💪🏼 akane thinks it's a competition of sorts#OOPS so she tries to give hajime the Strongest Kiss Ever. does not go well but her enthusiasm is appreciated 👍🏼#ibuki will get a kiss and then run BACK in line to see if she can sneak another one :3c#gundham kisses hajime WITH TONGUE!!!!! lmao jk gundham would definitely be like 'nobody touch me >://(' but eventually....#he sends his sneakiest Dark Deva to run up to hajime and steal a kiss when nobody is looking... >://)c kheheheh!!#nagito is content with remaining last in line bc he's just happy to see his classmates having their little hopeful moment :) without him :)#(he does eventually get his kiss tho dw)#and uhh if you give mahiru like a dollar she'll take a pic of the kiss LMAO#ALRIGHR ALRIGHT I GOTTA STOP this is too long. god. appreciate this fucking post anon 🙏🏼#sdr2#danganronpa
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no interest in any of my hobbies next to no concerts going on all summer feeling abandoned by the majority of the few irls I still have no idea where to meet new people to replace them now that I'm not part of the highly social hard partying sales culture I spent basically all of my post college life in anymore literally what reason is there to keep trying
#how does anyone even maintain anything in the long term like since college i dont think ive managed to hold onto a truly close relationship#for more than like 3 years so its about time even tho i never even felt i reached that level of closeness w these guys its about time they#also just move on & im the only one putting on the effort! the last time i felt like i had someone i could really call a 'best friend' they#went on vacation & ended up just actually moving away without telling me & when theyre back in town they text our other friends to ltk &#hang out with them but never me & i only ever see them at parties. similar shot for any other 'close friends' i ever thought actually cared#about me. whats wrong with me why dont people ever want to stay around why is it whenever things come up or people get busy or whatever im#never a priority to anyone everwhy is it always i put in the effoet or we dont talk ot reslly i put in the effoet until eventually we dont#talk anyways. why does it seem like even if it isnt easy for everyone else it seems like its at least POSSIBLE people will tell me oh that#happens to everyone in adulthood i feel that way too. ok sure you at least TALK to your college friends still even if you arent as close as#you used to be i have fucking nothing exvept a handful of people who just kind of care about me but where im in the periphery of their lives#i could just die & itd probably take weeks before any of my 'friends' even noticed#texticles
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fucking hell i really need to learn to prioritise myself
#helping a friend through their own problems while in the middle of a breakdown#like fucking hell learn to talk about your problems with your friends vee#though doesn’t help how shit i feel when said friend suddenly goes oh yeah not to turn it on you but you been off handedly talking to this#person i hate and is the problem between me and my other friend with me right there#and like shit sorry i didn’t even realise that’s really shitty sorry#and makes me feel even more like shit when it usually wouldnt#and just to make sure people don’t worry yes i am in the middle of my weekly breakdown but i’m fine things will improve eventually im just#not amazing rn#but i am ok#vent
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#i think it's a little fucked up but a little funny that my mental state is currently at such a bad point where it's like.#any stress sends me into emotionally constipated panic. where it doesn't really show through for the most part. for the most part i seem ok.#and then if you crack me just even a little bit it's like that one modern art piece can't help myself#where im trying my best to juggle and maintain the facade of being fine but you can tell im tired and one deviation away from crumbling down#but can i cry? haha no. instead i just panic. everything sends me into silent panic. and i just think about really dramatic responses.#i hold my breath and worry that if i do anything wrong everything I've worked so so hard for will just come toppling down#because it has before. something you've poured your heart into. something you've cared so much about. can just be. so. out of your control#and you lose your voice and you lose your agency and you lose your will to fight and you lose a little bit of yourself#I don't know if i will ever get it back. it's been a while. I don't know if i can ever regain my confidence back. i miss who i was sometimes#i used to be warm. i used to be sure of myself. i used to carry hope around like a small star. i miss her. the person i was.#someone who could light up a room without trying so hard. someone who could make others smile without giving it too much thought.#someone who could make others feel good about being there and being alive. i barely feel good about myself these days sometimes. somehow.#I don't know how to be that girl anymore. everything feels a little forced. it shouldn't have to feel this hard. it used to feel natural.#i have moments where i feel like myself again. happy. confident. and then im brought back to reality almost immediately.#i feel guilty for feeling good. i feel guilty for being confident. and then i go hating myself again. it does weigh on me. what she said.#im sorry that i used to like myself. im sorry it made you feel bad about yourself. see. i hate myself now. do you forgive me now? hehe#I'll get over it one day. I'll get over it soon. i hate feeling like this. the overwhelming ego death. it makes me feel really shitty.#i hate this hehe i want to run away so badly but i know running away never solves anything you come back and the problem is still there#so i will go through it and i will fail and i will fall and i will stumble and hurt myself and feel humiliated and terrible throughout#but it will be fine. but I'll get through it and realize it wasn't that bad. I'll get through it and try again and again until i get there.#i need to stop seeking validation from people who won't give it. stop seeking comfort from people who won't give it.#stop hanging with people who make me feel worse. and stuff like that. it's like quitting an addiction hhhh i don't get it#i have friends who treat me really well. i have friends who i love and love me a lot.#i just can't quit certain people. part of it is bc im scared of change and part of it is bc i don't want to be more reliant on others#especially the people i do really care about and love and who love me bc. i think. if i have one more abandonment. i will actually. mm.#i think i would fully lose my ability to love new people haha like. romantically and platonically. haha.#but anyway that's the trauma speaking i will overcome it I won't let it control how i live haha#i will be ok i will be ok spring will be here eventually it's just the seasonal stuff#tw health#delete later
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#vent post#ok to rb without screenshotting the tags but idk why you'd do that anyways#I'm once again wishing every fellow adult living with their parents a very 'I'm sorry o7'#mom's getting on my case about 'not wanting to be part of the family'#but if dinners are always silent and uncomfortable with all of us not talking then I think it's normal for me to leave the table#when I'm done eating. it's not 'not wanting to be part of the family' it's just not wanting to be somewhere awkward as hell lmfao#like oh okay sorry let me sit here for another fifteen minutes silently bc y'all ignore every conversation I try to start. jesus christ.#goddddddddddddddddddd fuck the housing market lmao#I love my family but I'd like them a hell of a lot more if I didn't live here#a little distance does wonders#anywaysssss sending love to everyone else who is perpetually stuck at home. esp oldest siblings and ill folk 🤝#we'll get out eventually#no more silent dinners and people who find your optimism and attempts to lighten the mood to be juvenile#stay miserable and pragmatic and 'realist'. no joy or whimsy. fucking whatever. I'm not sinking down to cynicism.#what's the opposite of being the moody black sheep of the family lmao. I'm the only one who seems to enjoy being unserious#ok. vent over but fr anyone else stuck at home when they don't want to be: i love you and we'll figure it out in time. things WILL work out#delete later???
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Auto-combat games with 15 different microquests that repeat over and over again for the rest of time making the game a never ending tutorial my beloathed
#I try to play these types of games occasionally#because I’m bored and I’ll download anything from the app store if it catches my attention#but god they are truly the fucking worst#why you would make an entire game out of everyone’s least favorite part of a game — though it is necessary — is beyond me#the only one I’ve ever played that I could stand for more than like 3 days was one about being a little mushroom creature#possibly not the one you’re thinking of. not the one about marrying an entire town (which I don’t think I would qualify in this genre)#like. these games aren’t so bad if the quests are progression based#but the really shit ones will endlessly ask you to do miniscule amounts of boring tasks#like doing a 10 pull on a weapon summons despite you having way more tickets for it than that#and then ask you to come back to claim ur quest reward and hand u the next microquest#and all of these are considered separate tasks so instead of tracking how many summons u’ve done and marking your progress so u can just —#— do as many as ur gonna do and then you can turn in for that number of quest rewards#ur just endlessly going back and forth between menus. bored out of your mind and wondering when the game will stop dragging you along thru—#— this goddamn tutorial#but then eventually you realize the whole fucking game is that way#like I don’t know if they’re trying to actively worsen my attention span#or if they’re trying to set up the world’s laziest dopamine farm#(spoiler alert it’s probably both. cause worse attention span will make u more reliant on dopamine)#anyway I fucking hate these games I really need to stop giving them a chance#like I said the ones that are progression based and will track ur progression regardless of where you are in the quest chain —#— not that bad. can actually be fun#turn-in based ones?? actually the devil’s armpit. stinky. bad#ok I’m done ranting
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