#and you know what? nanami x miki works

[local-lamppost]

Miki and Kozue: Two ends of different spectrums?

So a rewatch ago I had an idea about the Kaoru's that I haven't really seen brought up and I'd be curious to see if anyone might agree.

I've started reading Miki as ace and Kozue as aro, with Kozue being sex positive and Miki being sex repulsed.

Kozue is never shown to ever hold romantic feelings for anyone. She loves her brother and maybe her friends, but that's platonic/filial love. Now, because it's Utena, you could read her feelings towards her brother as romantic, that she is jealous of anyone who steals his attention away from her, but I have a hard time believing someone who is desperate for their brother's affection would go out of their way to repulse him like Kozue does. Her moments of jealousy aren't even really there. If anything Kozue just worries about Miki and is curious about his sudden passion/romantic interest in Anthy. The only time she goes out of her way to negate a supposedly 'romantic' relationship for her brother is when that teacher was groping Miki, which is honestly a situation where she was completely in the right to push that scum down a flight of endless stairs.

To put it simply, Kozue's misunderstanding or lack of knowledge when it comes to romantic love leads her to believe that-once Miki finds a romantic partner-she will no longer have a place in his life.

With Miki it's difficult to judge if he is actually ace, but he definitely has a negative opinion of sex and doesn't seem to equate sensuality to romance. Miki's most 'exposed' when he's playing piano, his playing is how other characters judge his state of mind. It's a reflection of his heart and to him there is nothing more intimate. Miki's problems come when he tries to emulate characters like Touga and Akio, two characters known for their 'proclivities' with others, and he tends to fail whenever he isn't being himself. Juri for one is all for Miki getting out of his head and putting some stock into just being, he does well when not forcing himself to use sex like Touga or Akio. His love for Anthy doesn't stem from her appearance, but her piano ability and given how music is Miki's way of expressing himself it makes sense for him to love the person whose song seems to match his own. His longing for the sunlit garden, for when Kozue played with him, is built on the misunderstanding that his sister was actually able to play the song that expressed how Miki felt.

Miki doesn't see/understand the need for a physical connection with people, as what it more intimate than bearing your mind? Kozue's sexual proclivities confound him, frustrate him, as what's the point of physically expressing a relationship? Miki only sees people like Touga use sex as a way to lay claim unto others, namely women, so from his perspective he would just see Kozue being controlling or controlled. Perhaps even seeing her insistence on being a 'wild animal' her way of rebelling against this perceived yoke of intimacy he sees her in.

[bonjourxrenae]

Re: YGO x Utena AU

So - I do have a little bit of this written, and I’ll link to the document, but ehhhh I figured I’d get some ideas out here

If you want see another cool YGO x Utena AU (aka, the one that inspired me to write my own!) there's this concept!

Ahhh, I dunno… I like the concept of Utena Sword Duel in the Cool Dueling Arena in the Forest, But Also The Duel Monsters Are Here, and the story having both elements and beats from their respective source materials (the Duels are foretold and eventually the protagonist will have to duel End of the World in a bid to gain the power of world revolution; becoming the Shadow Game Heir and stopping the great and terrible evil from destroying the world) but logistically I had trouble making it all Work

Yugi is obviously our protagonist - our Utena. Yamiyu is the Rose Bride(groom) - our Anthy, and Atem is firmly in the role of Dios (Yes, this is a primarily Puzzle-based AU)

The Student Council are the Millennium Item wielders, but they really don’t correspond with anyone from Utena’s student council… Closest association I could get is Pegasus to Mikage but he wouldn’t be on the council so much as he’s a professor at this AU’s Ohtori Academy

Kaiba would be president (naturally), but he doesn’t really fit Touga to a T… if anything he’s a mix of Saionji and Touga. (I will listen to Nanibito mo Kataru Koto Nashi on repeat thinking about what those lyrics mean and SOBBING) But I imagine he does the same Suicidal Duel tactic/acting like the King who met Yugi in the past to shake him, and sort of gets sucked into the mind games of End of the World and phasing into his past life as Set (to a degree) once he gets the Rod back

I also love thinking about Mokuba as Nanami (give that boy a sword and a knife hehehe) and then he essentially takes over the Student Council while Kaiba goes on an Obsessive Depression Bender after losing to Yugi AGAIN. And I need Mokuba to uncover all the fucked up shit behind The Rose Bride and the Nature of the Duels please...

I like the idea that Kaiba’s on he Student Council despite not having a Millennium Item… I think by rights he should have the Rod, and the idea of it being Stolen would be a plot point in a chapter

(speaking of the little shit who stole the Rod) Having Malik as, like, all the motivations of the Black Rose Duelists but with Miki's motifs... just feels right to me. I also imagine the duel split into two parts - one with him and the other with both him and Yami Malik (as another Rose Bride??) I was just stuck on which monster/spell cards to associate with his duel. I had it in my mind that he'd use a combo of Helpoemer and the Mystical Space Typhoon (Spira Mirabilis plays in the BG) but ehhhhhhh

Isis in a mostly Juri-based role... with the themes of Finality, Fate Set in Stone, No Such Thing As Miracles... idk, it wasn't really vibing in my brain, and I was having trouble placing her motives clearly. But I like the idea of her in the Student Council and her suddenly trying to get a handle on the situation with Malik (also I struggled figuring out which monster/spell card to associate with her hrmmm... in my document it's Spiria but EHHHH)

... I don't even know where to even put Shadi hhhhh maybe as a Shadow Player??? idk idk

and then obviously there's the Bakurae, and I can't really do them justice ??? because Ryou is on the Student Council and is the unwitting duelist in a Miki-aligned role, while Yami Bakura is another Rose Bride scheming on the sidelines, puppeteering Ryou with Dark Necrofear and Dark Sanctuary (until Ryou fights back with Change of Heart), and hastening the duels to the final duel for Revolution

TKB/Zorc is Akio/End of the World. Because of course he is. I do refer to him in my documents as The Man In Red, while Atem (Dios) is wearing mostly whites and royal purples.

AS FOR ANZU, JONOUCHI, AND HONDA... they have all been relegated to some aspect of Wakaba - but Jonouchi is especially The Wakaba (the one that attempts to punch out Kaiba and accidentally gets into a fistfight with Yugi) Honestly, if I had the time, I'd like to see all of them becoming Black Rose Duelists and having Yugi absolutely struggle with these duels because "no!!! these are my friends!!!" but Yamiyu is here like "aibou, you have to draw your sword!!!"

Anyway, that's where most of my thoughts were - and then there's the matter of the themes of 'princes' and 'witches' and trying to make those same motifs work with 'kings' and 'thieves' and I just got really tired trying to figure it out

But if you're interested in what I have written for this, you're welcome to check it out here: [Dust and Gold]

[hisoknen]

Do you have any JJK fic recs 🥺

oh boy do i hehe,, these are the ones that are out so far check out masterlists too!! i haven’t been on tumblr a lot the past few weeks so im sure to be missing a whole bunch of amazing fics and writers 

gojo and yuuta @bakatenshii fic,, angel is constantly thirsting and if i had to compile her top tier jjk thirsts it would have to be it’s own post. angel prose angel prose angel prose look through her character juice tags and swoon. angel writng makes me leak like a faulty bathtub also read this lil thing on the zenin fam and cumbust 

yuuta - @underyuuta undersalmon present miki,, everything miki writes is sexy and makes you wanna bark growl and froth like a rabid animal

toji @shoyokuns mous toji worm cock worm cuddle worm tiddies suckies domestic lovers,, watch out with mous’ masterlist cause you click one tag at midnight and then all of a sudden it’s 6am and you don’t know what’s happening but you wanna be a creampuff

yuuji nii  @tetsou honey writes delicious thirsts that tickle your brain v horny,, geto x honey thoughts make your chest feel tight and your head feel all floaty and tingly 

megumi @some-kindofgnome i have this fic in my drafts still trying to compile thoughts to convey the things it made me feel sara’s just got his characterization down pat and it’s so flowy to read and exciting idk still working on the words

toji  @animatedrapture i got halfway through writing this and saw that violet wrote toji and sprinted at the speed of light to drink it in, mean taunting daddy toji violet pls more pls

yuuta  @titan-fodder mel said she might re-upload some of her old jjk stuff BUT READ YUUTA BIRTHDAY FIC^^^ my other favorite was greed with gojo it made my belly swirl deliciously

nanami @whats-her-quirk,, june just climbs in and scoops out all the sexy parts of characters personalities and bakes a cake and then you eat it and then you vibrate and demand moar

there’s also a lot of people i am looking straight at cause they have delicious ideas and juicy brains and i want them to write jjk looking straight at you pom, dymph, shadow, ria, zo and mari

[umbramatic]

Night Of The Living Tuesday (Revolutionary Girl Utena X ???)

I'm sorry

Night Of The Living Tuesday

It was evening at Ohtori Academy. The setting sun's rays dappled upon Student Council Burger, the campus' premiere restaurant. A green haired, slender young man excitedly approached the doorway from the inside and changed the sign from "open" to "closed." "Eight-oh-clock! So long, everyone, I've got a date with a little lady, and her name is... is... actually I forget."

It was then he noticed another student standing at the door. 

"What do you want?"

"Saionji is the restaurant open?"

Saionji sighed. "Read the sign."

The student glanced over, then continued. "I want an Ohtori burger deluxe and double smashed egg fries."

"No. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life." 

The other student frowned. "Well fine, if you don't want my money..."

"Did you say money?"

A red-haired, elegant young man strode over gracefully, perhaps too gracefully. 

"Are you saying if this venture stayed open later you'd give us more funds for the student council?"

The student smiled and nodded as he pulled out money. More students came to join him. The redhead smiled back, pulled out a katana, and sliced the "closed" sign in half.

"Ladiies, gentleman, nonbinary fellows, welcome to the night shift. From now on Student Council Burger is open 24 hours a day."

Saionji's eyes widened in horror. "What? No, Touga, you can-"

He was interrupted by the other students barging in the restaurant eagerly. There was the click of a stopwatch as a blue-haired, wide-eyed boy approached from further inside, eyes sparkling. "Wonderful! We can do so much for the Student Council this way!"

"Not you too Miki..." said Saionji. He turned to the redhead. "Touga please..."

"See you in the morning, you two," said Touga. I can't stay here all night, I've got a life." 

And he strode off into the sunset. 

"T-Touga..." Saionji said. 

"Isn't this great Saionji?" said Miki. "Just you and me together for hours and hours and then the sun will come up and we'll have help[ed the student council so much!" He clicked his stopwatch. "Are you ready to do this Saionji?"

"No."

Miki shrugged. "Well we've got customers!" 

They took their places, Saionji at the counter and Miki in the kitchen. Saionji produced a wooden sword, handed it to the nearest customer, and gestured to his chest. 

"Please stab me as hard as you can."

"Look Saionji!" said Miki. "I'm working in the kitchen! At night!" 

:"...Don't hold back."

------------

"Hey Saionji! Guess what? I'm frying eggs... at night!"

"Look at me! I'm clicking my stopwatch... at night!" "SAIONJI I CUT MYSELF ON MY SWORD! At night!"

Not even by plugging his ears could Saionji drown it all out. Now Miiki was - he was marching around the counter in a circle, chanting "night night night" over and over to the tune of... Never Gonna Give You Up? That song was like ten years old.  Weirdo.What had gotten into him? He needed a distraction. 

"Miki! Stop your prattling and get rid of this!"

He hurled a bag of garbage toward Miki, which he caught. 

"Oh! Good idea! I can take  out the trash at night too!" said Miki. 

He approached the door and then promptly froze. 

"...Oh. Right. The dumpster is outside."

Saionji sighed. "Where else would it be?"

"...Are you sure you don't want to do it? It's unusually dark out tonight."

Saionji smirked. "How unbecoming of you. Your sister certainly wouldn't approve."

Miki scowled. "...Fine."  He lifted the bag over his head. 

"FOR THE WORLD REVOLUTION! AND MY SISTER!" And he barged out the door. 

For the next several seconds Saionji heard loud screaming from outside. Then Miki barged back in and started heaving breaths like he had almost drowned before standing straight and clicking his stopwatch like nothing had happened. 

"Twelve seconds." 

Shit. He still hadn't snapped out of it. What was a Saionji to do? 

Wait. That old schoolyard rumor...

"So you're not really afraid?"

:"Of course not," said Miki. "I'm a MAN." 

"You're braver than I am. Especially after..." He shuddered. 

"After what?" Miki said, eyes widening.

"You haven't heard? They've been gossiping about it for weeks!" said Saonji, throwing up his hands. 

"I haven't! Gossiping about what?"

"I shouldn't tell you. It'll RUIN the night shift for you," Saionji said with a grin. 

"N-no it won't! I'm a man, remember?"

"You mean... You've never heard the story of the Shambling Duelist?" Miki blinked. "D-Dueling Shamblist?"

"Shambling Duelist!"

Miki's eyes crossed. "The Crambling... The Ambling... the Scrambling... the Brambling... the Gambling... the Rambling... Gah!"

Saonji sighed. "...Alright, the Shambling Duelist. But most people call him-" he screamed, eliciting several odd looks from the patrons - "because that's all they have time for before he robs them of their manhood!"

"W-what is the story of this fearsome duelist?"

"Years ago at this very academy, the Shambling Duelist used to be a Student Council member just like you, only CLUMSIER. And then, one night, during a climactic duel, it happened..."

"He forgot his Rose Seal?" 

Saonji raised his eyebrow. "...No."

"He forgot to turri on the Dueling Arena?"

"Still no."

"He learned to respect women?"

"Of course not! His opponent cut off his hand!"

Miki put a hand to his mouth. "N-no..."

"And then he replaced his hand with a rusty sword! And then, he got run over by a runaway elephant! And then at his funeral they expelled him! So now every... What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"Every Tuesday night, his ghost returns to Ohtori to destroy the patriarchy!" 

Miki gulped. "He's... Coming tonight?"

"Indeed."

"Does he... have a calling card?"

"There are three signs the Shambling Duelist has returned to Ohtori. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next -" 

A student approached the counter. "Hey can I have some ketchup?"

"Oh, sure," said Saionji, handing the student their ketchup. "NEXT, the phone will ring, and there will be no one there!"

At this point Miki was nervously biting his fingernails. 

"The final sign is the Shambling Duelist showing up in front of this very restaurant, atop the ghost of the elephant that trampled him! Then he gets off and crosses the street without looking both ways because he's already dead! Then he taps on the window with his rusty sword hand..." Miki shuddered "N--no please..."

"He opens the door..." he leaned in very close to Miki. "He slowly approaches the counter... And you know what he does next?"

"W-what?"

"Oh never mind. You don't want to know."

"What is it?"

"You sure?" 

"Tell me!"

Saionji suddenly appeared behind Miki. "He ROBS YOU OF YOUR MANHOOD." 

It was then Miki started screaming. 

...And screaming and screaming and goodness he wouldn't stop screaming. Saionji just laughed at it for a while but once he stopped laughing and Miki was STILL screaming he realized he should probably do something maybe.

"Miki- Miki I was joking." 

Miki finally stopped screaming. "Huh?"

""It was all a lie! I was just messing with you!"

Miki blinked. "So the Shambling Duelist isn't real?"

"Of course not! I just exaggerated an old schoolyard rumor. It's all baloney."

"Oh! You got me good!"

He started laughing. And laughing. And laughing some more. Saionji sighed. This was going to be a long night. 

-------------

Hours later, in the dark of the night, Saionji was reading a book, and by that I mean writing in his exchange diary, when something dripped on his head. "Wait what?"

The drip was accompanied by strange noises. "What's that?"

"This is wonderful Saionji!" said a voice.

Saionji screamed and whipped toward the source of the voice to find Miki cleaning the ceiling with suction cups. "I never have time to clean the ceiling during the day!" 

Saionji turned back to his post and sighed. "Why did Touga even bother opening this place 24/7? No one wants an Ohtori burger at 3AM!"

-----------

It was dark in Nanami's room. She was sleeping soundly. Then her alarm clock rang and she bolted upright. 

"Three AM already? Oh boy!" She pulled an Ohtori Burger from an expensive minifridge next to her bed, fought off intrusive thoughts about cannibalism, and chowed down. 

----------

"I mean look around!" Saionji said. "This place is deserted!"

It was then the lights started flickering on and off. Saionji rolled his eyes. 

"Good one, Miki."

"Thank you! But good what?" said Miki, now on the ground. 

"The lights, you're flickering the lights, just like I sai-"

He looked over to the nearest light switch and to his horror saw it wasn't moving even as the lights changed. Miki looked too, a puzzled expression on his face.

"How are you doing that, Saionji?"

"It's not me! It must be- must be a power surge through campus-"

It was then the phone at the desk started ringing. With dread, Saionji picked it up. "H-Hello?"

All he heard from the other side was strange moans. Miki giggled. 

"Good one yourself Saionji!"

'"W-what do you mean?"

"Your fable said the phone would ring and there'd be no one there! So you're making the phone ring somehow."

"Miki I'm not doing this!" Saionji slammed the phone down. "Okay breathe, breathe... what was the stupid story, it had the lights -" they flickered, "the phone-" it rang, "and-" He looked out a side window and gasped. 

"And SHADOW GIRLS WILL PUT ON ALLEGORICAL PLAYS!"

He paused. "Oh, wait, they always do that. What WAS that third thing?"

He heard a trumpeting and froze, slowly turning toward the entrance. 

There, outside the glass doors, wass an elephant. 

"Wow," said Miki," "I didn't know they kept elephants on campus!"

"They don't," said Saionji. 

The elephant stepped aside to reveal a shadowy figure, nebulous, with four glowing red eyes. 

"Hey, that must be the elephant's handler!"

The shadowy figure drew a rusty sword. 

It was at that point Saionji started screaming. 

"The Crambling... The Ambling... the Scrambling... the Brambling... the Gambling... the Rambling..."

"The Shambling Duelist!" said Miki. 

"Now you get it!" said Saionji. "We're going to die!"

"No, no, I'm honored! You dressed up as this mythical duelist so you could beat me in a duel!"

"First off, I could beat you in a duel anyway. Second off how could that be me when I'm right here?!"

Miki stared at Saionji, Then at the Shambling Duelist. Then at Saionji. Then at the Shambling Duelist. 

Then finally screamed. 

By then the Shambling Duelist had opened the door. 

"Nonono please-" said Saionji.

"Have mercy!" said Miki. 

The Shambling duelist approached the counter. 

"M-Miki, deep down, I always kinda felt I should respect women..."

"Saionji I used your katana to pick my teeth."

"What?"

The Shambling Duelist raised its sword. The two screamed. The Shambling Duelist pointed the sword at Saionji. 

"YOU!" said the Shambling Duelist, in a booming voice that sounded like multiple. "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!"

Saonji stared, "H-Here? Now? This isn't the Dueling Are-"

The Shambling Duelist slapped him. "NOW, COWARD."

Saionji hastily got up and drew his sword. Miki stood back to watch. 

He made a thrust at the Shambling Duelist but it was countered with ease. His jabs grew more frenzied, but they were all expertly parried until he was knocked flat on his back, the Shambling Duelist's sword pointed at his throat. 

"No... Please... I'll do anything... I'll apologize to every girl on campus if that's what you want!"

The Shambling.Duellist laughed a booming laugh and tossed its shawl aside, revealing a pink haired, fair-skinned girl and a purple-haired dark-skinned girl, laughing in unison. 

'"..Utena? Anthy? said Salonji. "You two? How?" said Miki. 

"We overheard your story when we were here earlier and decided to pull a prank," said Utena. 

"IIt was my idea," said Anthy with a giggle. "Well, at the very least, you sure fooled us!" said Miki. "So that was YOU the whole time?" said Saionji. "With the elephant and the phone calls and the lights?"

Utena raised an eyebrow. "What lights?"

The lights flickered again and everyone turned to see a tiny monkey flipping the light switch. 

"Chuchu!" everyone said in unison in mock scolding. Chuchu winked and turned off the lights. 

***

The whole reason this ABOMINATION exists is because I've been rewatching Utena with a bunch of people who have never seen it before. The watch parties were usually on Tuesdays, I kept making jokes about the Tuesday Night line from the original Spongebob episode, and  that snowballed into... This. Happy Halloween. 

[totally-normal-boy]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0jPOcv2xkTcyqEJlFOCLOx?si=Zh4rkadeSCKqF9IsVt_ocw)

I had to do something Utena related to celebrate the end of the decade...something extremely pointless. Explanations for why I chose each song under the cut.

Student Council Arc

Choix (Saionji): Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes (2017): Because Utena can treat Anthy better...BETTAH DANNY GAAAAAAN!

Amitié (Saionji): Salad Dressing by Borgore ft. Bella Thorne (2017): Real fans know why this is Saionji’s song. Even realer fans know that “ACTUALLY, in the light novels, it was salad oil and not salad dressing.” They should definitely give this post more notes by correcting me about that.

Raison (Miki): Hey Soul Sister by Train (2010): *Insert bad incest joke here*

Amour (Juri): Same Love by Macklemore (2013): Because Macklemore died for gay rights

Adoration (Nanami): What’s New Pussycat (Metal Version) by Leo (2019): I just discovered this song today when putting this playlist together and now my life will never be the same

Conviction (Touga): Guys Don’t Like Me by It Boys! (2012): This might be the most Touga song to ever exist.

Soi (Touga): NO by Meghan Trainor (2016): If I’m being completely honest, this song works better for “On the Night of the Ball” than Utena’s second duel with Touga. But Episode 3 doesn’t have duel song, so it’s going here.

Black Rose Arc

Aliénation (Kanae): Marry You by Bruno Mars (2010): I like to imagine that this is what every single conversation that Kanae has with Akio sounds like

Attache (Kozue): We Can’t Stop by Miley Cyrus (2013): This song has Big Kozue Energy and there is nothing anyone could say to convince me otherwise

Jalousie (Shiori): boyfriend by Ariana Grande ft. Social House (2019): This isn’t even ironic. This song just really makes me think of Shiori and Juri

Impatience (Tsuwabuki): Boyfriend by Justin Beiber (2012): Tsuwabuki would totally use the line “I could be your Buzz Lightyear” on Nanami

Limite (Wakaba): Haunted by Taylor Swift (2010): I had to put at least one genuinely heartbreaking song on this playlist. Have fun ugly crying over “Wakaba Flourishing” to a Taylor Swift song

Dépendance (Keiko): Best Friend’s Brother by Victorious Cast (2011): I made this whole playlist just so I could make this joke

Conscience (Mikage): Set Fire to the Rain by Adele (2011): This is the ultimate “I got cucked so I decided to commit arson” anthem

Akio Arc (Duel Names Taken From This Forum Thread)

Compréhension (Saionji): Backseat by New Boyz ft. Dev & The Cataracs (2011): This song is actually about Touga and Akio instead of Saionji, but honestly so is episode 25 so you can’t even complain

Fraternité (Miki): Hey Mama by David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj & Bebe Rexha (2014): Remember that time that Anthy became Miki’s stepmom and then it was never addressed again? That’s definitely something that needs a whole duel song devoted to it.

Secours (Ruka): Die Young by Kesha (2012): Get it? Cause he dies?

Liberté (Juri): Riding Solo by Jason DeRulo (2010): Because what would this playlist be if it didn’t call out Juri for being forever alone?

Croissance (Nanami): Bitch I’m a Cow by Nida Fremin (2018): Because it would make no sense to put this song before “The Cowbell of Happiness.” That would just be silly.

Apocalypse Arc

Protection (Touga): Old Town Road Remix by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus (2019): The most important part of Touga’s plotline in this arc was supposed to be the wacky horseback riding antics, right?

Révolution (Akio): 2012 (It Ain’t The End) by Jay Sean ft. Nicki Minaj (2010): There were a lot of songs about the end of the world that came out before 2012. But this is the only one that name drops both Japan and pink cars

[kumeko]

Wakaba Holmes

Character/Pairing: Wakaba-centric, whole cast

A/N: Written for the @utenafuturezine I was tasked with a fun one, so I took this as a chance to experiment with clichés and genres. Not my best work, but I hope you enjoy it!

Summary: Utena was missing and it was up to Wakaba Holmes to find her.

...

...

...

...

It was a dark and stormy night.

 No, wait, that was wrong. Wakaba was getting her tropes mixed up. She was a detective solving a case; in this case, a dame would appear at the door in tears. After a long, fruitless chase, the dame would betray her and break her heart. Though, could that still happen though if she were both the client and the detective?

 No, probably not. A different tack was needed.  There were other detectives. She could be Sherlock Holmes, with her assistant the Onion Prince. She’d solve the crime, the onion prince would provide some comical relief. Case closed, open and shut.

 No, wait again. The prince was useless and a bit annoying.  Even if he fit the sidekick character, there was no way she could handle having him around for several episodes. Wakaba would just have to solve this case herself then.

 What case? Why, the case of the missing Utena. Like there was any other case Wakaba would be interested in.

 (Well, maybe the case of Saionji, but that’s another tale)

-x-

Witness 1: Juri

  Juri stepped forward and with pinpoint accuracy stabbed her opponent. If anything, Wakaba was impressed anyone still wanted to fight her—she was certain that Miki’s and Utena’s challenges should have shown just how strong the fencing captain was.

 Well, former fencing captain. It seemed she had a social ladder to climb at their new school before she was named captain once more. Even the rich elites had troubles.

 Wakaba pulled out a notebook to note that down. That was a good quote.

 There was a soft twip and Juri won her last point. A cheer rose up from crowd as she removed her helmet and gave a short bow. Somehow, her hair flawlessly curled around her face. Another quirk of the rich? Before Wakaba could ponder it any further, Juri turned to her. “Wakaba, was it?”

 She blinked, surprised. “You remember who I am?”

 “Of course.” Juri smiled softly and Wakaba could swear she saw roses. They framed Juri delicately, petals gently blowing in the breeze and she rubbed her eyes violently until her sight returned to normal. “You’re Utena’s friend.”

 Utena. Right. The reason she was here. Wakaba squared her shoulders, ready to grill her first witness. It was important to set precedent. “Do you know where she is?”

 “I haven’t seen her since school…” Absentmindedly, a gloved hand clasped her locket. Her finger tapped it lightly as she pondered the question. “Did she graduate?”

 “Her grades weren’t…” She couldn’t even complete the lie. Despite her princely ways and athletic grace, Utena had never been one for studying. Still, she had graduated with the rest of her class. They had all gotten their diplomas and tossed their hats and Utena had mentioned that—

 Wakaba froze. What had Utena said, if anything? Had she even been there? Anthy had left before graduation, before everyone else, and Utena…had Utena been with her? No, that wasn’t quite right.

 “I…I don’t know,” Wakaba admitted slowly, still unable to comprehend it. How could she have forgotten that? Any of that? “I don’t think so.”

 “I see.” Comforting her, Juri squeezed Wakaba’s shoulder. There was something soft about her expression, something overbearingly kind. “I think she left ahead of all of us.”

 “Typical.” Wakaba snorted. “She always liked to leave me behind.”

 “I’m sure that’s not the case. You remember her, after all.”

 What did that have to do with anything? She didn’t press the question, instead refocusing on the prize. “Either way, she’s going to learn the hard way that you just can’t shake me off.” Wakaba pumped her fists, gathering her energy once more. “I’m a dog, my bite is worse than my bark!”

 Juri chuckled, shaking her head. “That’s not how it goes.”

 “That’s how it goes now,” she countered confidently.

 “Of course. Anyways, Anthy might know, but I haven’t seen her since either.” Juri pulled out her phone, scrolling through her contacts until she found the right one. “Miki might know.”

 A lead. Her first witness and she already had a lead. Wakaba launched a hug on Juri, flying through the air until she wrapped herself around the fencing champion like a blanket. “Oh, thank you thank you thank you.”

 Doubling over, Juri let out a sharp exhale as all her air left her before straightening up. Somehow, despite all of that, her hair still maintained perfection. “No problem.”

 As quickly as she had attacked, Wakaba shimmied off.  Pulling out her phone, she grabbed Miki’s information. “My second witness, huh.”

 “Let me know if you find her.” When she looked up, Wakaba was almost drowning in rose petals. If she thought Juri had looked beautiful before, she looked downright ethereal now. Her former schoolmate reached out and caressed her cheek, a tender expression on her face. “Good luck.”

 “Th-thank you.” She stumbled back a step or two but didn’t break contact.

 “You know…my locket, it’s still missing a picture.”

 A wind blew now, despite the fact that they were indoors. Wakaba wasn’t quite sure how to interpret Juri’s expression. Her fingers were soft on her cheek, her touch warm. She swallowed hard. This wasn’t expected, not in the least. Was this even in character for either of them? Electricity sparked at skin contact and she couldn’t break free from Juri’s magnetic gaze.

 However, this wasn’t a romance story.  This was a mystery, a thriller perhaps, but not a romance. Before she could get sucked in, Wakaba shook off the petals and pulled away from Juri’s tempting hand.

 “Anyways, I have to go.” And with that, the detective fled to a safer haven.

-x-

Witness 2: Miki

A soft melody trickled into the meadow, the sound of a bird taking flight. An unknown voice sang along, the vocals a cry of freedom. It was amazing how poetic music could make Wakaba feel and by the time she had reached the piano room, she was ready to create a new epic.

 Alas, now was definitely not the time for it. By the time she reached the classroom door, the hallway reverted back from grass to brick. Alone in a corner, Miki played the piano. A dozen feathers floated around him, the only sign of the change in scenery, and Wakaba could have sworn they had left this weirdness back in high school. Maybe this was a fever dream and they had never graduated. Or the rest of the world was just as strange and there was no escaping.

 Before anymore shenanigans could occur, she tapped him on the back. A cacophonous sound escaped the instrument as his hands jumped in surprise. “Wakaba!” Peering behind him, he sighed with relief when he spotted her presence. “You should have called out.”

 “I did,” she lied without a second’s thought. “But you didn’t hear me.”

 “Ah, I guess so. I was a little zoned out.” Miki gave a sheepish smile, his finger steadily tapping his thigh. A nervous quirk? Wakaba remembered he used to have a stopwatch. Perhaps he had lost it or it was broken. “So what is it?”

 “Do you know where Utena is?” Wakaba pressed her face close to his, searching for any sign of a lie. The moment he slipped up, she’d catch him. And arrest him. And then force him to cough up the dough.  Only, this wasn’t that sort of case and she wasn’t ready to resort to extortion.

 “Utena…”Miki’s expression grew troubled, his finger tapping even faster now. She could almost hear the ticking of a clock, the second hand spinning in wild circles. The piano played on its own, a serious theme highlighting the moment. “I haven’t. I tried calling Anthy, but she doesn’t pick up. She only sends me a few texts, here and there.”

 He pulled out his phone and showed several pictures. Either Anthy had terrible photography skills or hated Miki as most of his pictures featured a confident monkey. There he was, relaxing in a fountain. There he went, scaling a wall. Only glimpses of Anthy could be found in those pictures and even then, there was no hint of pink, no sign of Wakaba’s lost prince.

 “Nothing huh…” Wakaba sighed, her shoulders hunched forward. Wallowing in pity for a moment, she hunched over slightly. The pictures didn’t even give a hint of location, the backgrounds out of focus. Was this the end of the line for her? Even the piano played quietly now, troubled by this turn of events.

 And yet, a crescendo appeared as Miki reached out to her. “I could give you her contact info. She might not respond, but it’s better than nothing.  Maybe the rest of the student council knows? You could ask everyone.”

 “Everyone?” Even more leads. Hope was not lost. The piano roared as it raced to the finish. Wakaba straightened and opened her phone. “Keep talking.”

-x-

Anthy, where’s the hostage?

 Wakaba stared at the response to her very clear and concise message: a picture of a monkey talking a bath in a sink. Cute, she guessed, but a monkey? What did that have to do with anything? Maybe she didn’t just hate Miki, but everyone else as well.

 Or maybe it was a very elaborate “Do Not Disturb”. Either way, Wakaba would have to persist.

-x-

Witness 3: Nanami

 “A farm?” Wakaba cocked her head, not quite sure she understood what she was seeing.

 A farm, check.

 Livestock, check.

 Nanami, living on said farm. Even mentally, she couldn’t check it off. A dozen questions floated through her head—why? How?

 “Oh, didn’t you know? Farmers are all the rage now. I discarded the “shucks” and vocabulary, though. There’s no need to degrade myself that much.” In what were possibly the most fashionable overalls that existed, Nanami sneered down at her. It was impressive, really, how even the sight of a pitchfork and bucket of eggs didn’t ruin the effect of the sneer. “Though you are a friend of Utena’s, I suppose I can’t expect you to know that much.”

 Several chickens, three elephants, and a cow followed her as she walked. A golden bell gleamed from the cow’s neck, worth more than Wakaba’s house. “Why all the animals?”

 “They...” Nanami frowned, as though she had never really considered the idea before. Turning around she squinted at the flock of animals around her. After several moments, she found a solution and faced Wakaba once more, her expression just as haughty. “Every girl has these experiences.”

 “Huh?” Wakaba raised an eyebrow. “What experiences?”

 “Yes, that is how it is with girls.” Nanami smiled, nodding sagely. “Whether it is an egg or a cowbell, we cannot tell anyone about it. Of course, that means this too must remain hush hush.” If possible, she wilted at the thought of it. Quietly, so quietly Wakaba had to strain to hear it, she muttered under her breath. “Really, we can’t share anything.”

 At that very moment, the clouds covered the sun, leaving only a sliver of light.  It shone on Nanami like a spotlight and she fell to her knees.  Her livestock encircled her, sitting down as they mournfully cried up. Sorrowfully, she covered her face. “Truly, we are all alone.”

 Wakaba had signed up for many things but not the next Disney Princess. Or whatever this was. “So...Utena?”

 Her question went unheard as Nanami sighed dramatically.

-x-

This time, the picture was a blurry picture of a monkey sunning itself near a window. At the very least, if Anthy wanted to harass her, she should do it in high quality.  Or put a nice filter.

 Put more effort! Wakaba texted back angrily.

-x-

Witness 4: Saionji

 As usual, Saionji’s glorious mane of green hair floated in the wind artistically. He could have been in a shampoo commercial or on the set of a romance. Instead, he was sitting on a bench in old greenhouse, long since abandoned by Anthy. Even the withering roses couldn’t disrupt his image; he seemed more like a tragic hero waiting for his doomed heroine.

 Wakaba gingerly stepped on the scattered petals, not sure if she should approach. His expression was serious as he wrote in a journal, his script gently flowing from the tip of his pen. What tormented tales could he be writing?

 “I had three eggs for breakfast,” he muttered softly, his voice so low Wakaba had to strain to hear it. “I wonder if Touga will actually write back this time; Anthy was the only one who would exchange diaries with me.”

 Wakaba took a step back. She had been wrong; he was actually the mourning princess. If he had asked, she would have exchanged diaries with him. Diaries and eggs and whatever he wanted to. Even now, she had a corner of her room clean just in case.

 Before he could notice her, she fled. She was not quite brave enough to face him yet.

-x-

Wakaba tilted her head, trying to stare at the photo in a different angle. Maybe it’d make more sense upside down? She craned her neck even further, trying to change the angle. It had to be of the monkey, it was always about the monkey. She had seen a hundred photos by now and none of them were of Anthy or even more importantly, Utena.

 Abstract art? she guessed.

-x-

Witness 5: Shadow Girls

 “Have you heard?”

 Wakaba stared as two shadows excitedly talked to each other, each girl posing dramatically against the brick wall. A quick glance around her indicated that no one else was in the hallway. “Heard what?”

 “The tale of the lost prince, of the broken princess.” One of the girls suddenly wore an impressive dress, or at least, the shadow of an impressive dress. She twirled around slowly. “The princess is now looking for her prince, but will she ever find her?”

 “Her?” Wakaba raised an eyebrow. There was still no one else in the hall, no matter how hard she looked. “Didn’t you just say prince?”

 “I said car,” the other shadow girl replied, transforming into an impressive car. On her hood, there was a statue of a monkey eating bananas. Without a moment’s hesitation, she ran over the princess, leaving a set of tire marks in her wake.  

 With a cough, the princess gingerly sat up, dusting the dirt off her. After she cleaned, she reached up to touch her now frizzy hair. “Oh no! The prince will never find me now!”

 “Okayyyy.” Wakaba turned heel and quickly jogged away from it all. Even she knew better than to listen to her imagination.

-x-

A monkey slowly loosening his tie. His cheeks were a bright red, his paw covering his cheek.

 Wakaba almost dropped the phone before furiously texting back, EROTICA??? D<

-x-

Witness 6: Touga

 “Utena?” Touga stretched languorously on the car, his shirt unbuttoning itself before Wakaba’s eyes. She couldn’t tear her eyes away.

 Not that she wanted to. Sure, she was on an important case and still on the clock, but even detectives were allowed a few vices. And if Touga insisted on exposing his chest like that, well, even Wakaba was human.

 “Yes, do you know where she is?” Wakaba wiped the drool from her mouth as his shirt flew off in the wind. “Or Anthy, Miki said they might be together.”

 “Hmm…” Arching his back, he gazed up at the sky before turning over. The view was great either way. Behind her, Wakaba could hear several cars crashing. “No idea.”

 “No idea?” Wakaba frowned. He was her last lead. “Not even one? Didn’t you hang out with her brother all the time?”

 “I did, back in there.” He gave her a look, running his hand through his hair. “But I’m not there anymore, and he’s still trapped. What a fool.”

 Where they exes? His expression was scornful as he stood up. The button his pants flew open and Wakaba contemplated the merits of questioning him further. “So no one knows.”

 “Anthy does if anyone does. But she’ll be in the last place you expect,” he cryptically responded, his zipper slowly going down. His pants were next, she knew.

 A one-night stand. Other detectives had those, right? Her mouth dry, Wakaba shook her head quickly. She had to keep her head in the game. “Got it, got it, need to go.”

 As she turned, she heard the sound of fabric falling and it took all of her willpower not to turn around.

-x-

Wakaba stared at the monkey, standing next to a fancy vase. He was posing, a model at work, but the vase caught her eye more. She knew that particular mix of blue and green, with pink veins running through it. She even knew the painting in the background, a golden backdrop of a sunflower fields.

 Well, it seemed like Touga was right. Anthy was in the last place Wakaba had expected. Somehow, she was inside Wakaba’s home.

-x-

Witness 7: Anthy

 It had been over a week since Wakaba had returned home. As she pulled into the driveway, she spotted an Indian woman in floppy sunhat standing outside her door on her porch. Running along the rails was a familiar monkey.  The woman, noticing her, gave a small wave.

 Anthy.

 “How did you get into my house?” Wakaba asked, the words just spilling out of her, the second she was within earshot. Rapidly, she examined the front windows and door; nothing looked broken here, at least. Maybe the back?

 “You left your key in the door,” Anthy replied, holding up a key that should not exist. Wakaba had her key in her purse. Her mom had her spare. There was just no way—her keys were missing. She could have sworn she saw them this morning but the keys were missing.

 “How?”

 Anthy snapped a picture of her monkey as he tumbled off the rail. Another picture for Miki? “Maybe you were in a hurry to leave.”

 Playing oblivious, eh? Two could play at that game. Wakaba was not a seasoned detective for nothing. She leaned against the door as though she had all the time in the world. The wind blew, the leaves rustled, and Wakaba puffed an imaginary cigar. Even her words were slow and drawn out. “What are you doing here?”

 “You’re looking for Utena, right?”

 “Utena?!” Perking up, she leaped at the other girl and clasped her hands. Maybe she couldn’t play the game, but that no longer mattered. “Where is she?”

 Freezing up momentarily, Anthy stared at their joined hands. “I thought only Utena was like this, but I guess even her friends would be too.” Before Wakaba could question her, she pointed her head at the door. “She’s in there.”

 Utena was that close? Immediately, she dropped Anthy’s hands and dashed to the door. Yanking it open, she ran down the hall and into the living room, looking for a flash of pink. For those ridiculous shorts and those long pink locks and—

 “Sorry I’m late.” Wakaba stopped when she spotted a girl sitting on the couch. She took off her black cap, revealing shortly cropped pink hair. “I missed you, Wakaba.”

 “Utena?” Wakaba stared for a second before launching herself at her friend. There was no music or spotlights or even petals scattering in the wind, just Utena’s warmth under her own.

 “Wakaba! You’re going to kill me one day.” Utena leaned back with the weight, her head knocking against the couch. Wakaba just gripped her even tighter. Gently, Utena patted her back. “I’m sorry.”

 “You said that already.”  Wakaba leaned back till she could see Utena’s face. She looked healthy.  Good. Good. Without a second’s hesitation, she banged their heads together. “Now you’re forgiven.”

 “Thank you,” Utena groaned, her arms still wrapped around her. “Did you have to do that?”

 “Yes.” Seeing stars, she rested her forehead on Utena’s shoulder. She had a dozen questions to ask, a dozen things she wanted to say, but her stomach growled and so she stuck to the basics. Everything else could wait till after.

 She had her teeth on Utena and this time, just like a dog, she wouldn’t let go.

[koisurufortunecephalopod]

Pick Up Interview: Variety Power Number One! “KANSAI Hakusho” Gossip

(From Team 8 4th Anniversary Book)

Yamada Nanami x Nagano Serika x Hama Sayuna

These members are in full bloom on their Kansai crown program!

In March of last year, the Kansai members started their crown program “AKB48 Team 8 no KANSAI Hakusho Kossori Number One Sengen ya de!” on Kawaiian TV. As a result, the talk power of these three members all working on the same members have increased, which we interviewed them about.

----So have you gotten used to recording shows?

Yamada: I’ve gotten used to it. Each time is really fun! Rather than it being the same every time, we get to do what comes naturally to us.

Nagano: It’s a blast. On days when we have recordings, I get really full of energy.

----Your co-stars are the comedian duo of Miki-san. Have you learned anything from them?

Hama: Good question. But recently I’ve been able to banter back and forth with them. At first whenever Miki-san asked us anything we’d all just be like “Uhhhh…”

Nagano: During the show, it was decided that when Asei-san said “Yay!” all of the Kansai members had to answer with “Yay!” and at first it was super awkward.

Yamada: But now it’s a real “Yay!” feeling. (lol)

----Please tell us what you think the other members bring to the table for the success of your program. Starting from Yamada-san, if you will.

Hama: Nanami’s treating Kousei-san as an older brother is really good. Kousei-san is a boke, so it turned out well, since she made a good tsukkomi. (lol)

Nagano: Yeah, that was really good. I don’t think anyone but Nanami-chan could have pulled it off.

----Alright, then next, how about Nagano-san?

Yamada: With Serika, the gap is really funny.

Hama: Yeah. She’s so different on the show than in real life.

----What do you mean?

Nagano: Like the old man gag? (lol)

Yamada: None of us members had seen Serika making many puns. She doesn’t really think they’re funny. (lol) But then Asei-san really gets into them when she makes them on the show.

Nagano: Right! He laughs at my jokes!

Yamada: When Serika said “Arigatoast!” all of the other members were like “Uh…” but Asei-san was laughing really hard. (lol)

Hama: He was like “Wh-what the hell! Arigatoast!” (lol)

----Seeing the difference must be funny.

Hama: It’s probably that way. We really weren’t fazed by the joke! But because Asei-san was laughing so hard, we kept seeing it as funnier and funnier.

Nagano: For me, if I know they’ll laugh, I can just ignore how I look and say whatever. I’m really grateful to those two.

----Okay, so next, how about Hama-san?

Yamada: Hama is super serious. Once the recording ends, each time, she’ll go right up to a staff and consult them about whether or not she was funny. (lol)

Hama: And then when they say I wasn’t I get depressed. (lol)

----Where there any times in particular that you thought were really funny?

Hama: I don’t know if it actually was funny or not, but what I think was the funniest was when Yamada Nanami was doing the “look over here, hoi” gag and got super into it. I was laughing so hard that I got some spit on myself (lol)

Nagano: It was an experience where she was she was so into it that it felt like we could get as into it, too.

----So you were just watching Yamada-san and laughing?

Yamada: More like they were laughing at me.

Hama: It was more like you were so pumped that we were getting into the feeling of it, and then I was laughing too much that I was drooling. (lol) And then I got shown drooling. (lol)

Yamada: And then that got broadcast on television (lol)

----It’s interesting how you try to challenge different things each time.

Hama: We get to try different things that help us Kansai members get closer, and it feels like we’ve all gotten to understand each other a little better.

Yamada: There’s one skit where we ate bugs and cried, there are segments that are moving, and there are ones where we laugh so hard we cry.

----The other Kansai members also get to appear on their own.

Hama: That’s right. Everyone knows their own character the best. Especially recently, Rukaruka’s scenes have been really funny!

Nagano: She’s an old lady who really gets into it! (lol)

Yamada: But since the program has started, the members have all improved their own characters, I feel.

Hama: It’s true! I feel like since we’ve started doing the program, the Kansai members have all gotten really funny.