#and you guys say they weren’t semi friends in 2019

[oxygenpdf]

“Another 15, 20 years of racing each other” — Max Verstappen being whipped since 2019

[anamericanbisexual]

In case you doubted how much Phil loves Dan...

So I’ve seen a lot of people talking about Phil’s coming out video and how it’s so casual and low-key, and how it’s obvious that he was just waiting until Dan came out to post it, but idk if people really understand what a big deal it is that Phil JUST posted it now, in 2019. Like ok, I’m 25 and a YouTube grandma, and I can go ahead and attest that in the early days of YouTube, coming out videos really weren’t a thing. YouTubers started out being primarily creative types. Even vloggers didn’t share a lot of genuinely personal info. There was kind of an open understanding that some people were Not Straight, but it wasn’t really a big deal until Troye Sivan made his coming out video in 2013. That WAS a big deal, because a lot of Troye’s fans were girls who had crushes on him, and he had been really closeted and pretty vocal about liking women right up until he posted the video. So post-2013 was really when the curtain fell and a lot of YouTubers became much more open about their personal lives. That was also when a lot of YouTubers felt like they had to make public “coming out” videos. There were a few (Tyler Oakley for example) who had been vocal enough about their sexuality from the beginning and never really made one specific “coming out” video, but most LGBTQ+ YouTubers did drop some sort of “sexuality announcement” in the early to mid 2010s. 

So with that being said, I don’t know how many people actually know this, but Phil was...kind of already out when he first started his channel. Like he said in his new video, he came out to his friends and family while he was at uni, which was when he started his channel, and he never really tried to hide his sexuality in those older videos (although most of those old videos are private now). Like a lot of YouTubers’ older content, Phil never really had one video where he was like “Hi, in this video, I’m going to explicitly tell you that I’m gay!”, but the friends he hung out with used to talk about dating, and it was always assumed that Phil was dating guys. I believe there’s also some old, old receipts of an ex-boyfriend talking about dating Phil. All of this was pre-Dan. (This also makes Dan sliding into Phil’s DMs make a lot more sense. He wasn’t taking a totally random long shot. Everyone who watched Phil kind of already knew that Phil liked guys.)

The original Phan shippers didn’t come from nowhere. OG AmazingPhil fans knew he was into guys, and Phil had this one guy who came to visit him in 2009, and then they moved in together, so everyone just kind of assumed they were dating and went on from there. It wasn’t until Dan’s semi-public “I’M NOT GAY” breakdown in 2012 that we all went, “Oh, ok. Whatever’s going on here is...private, and we really shouldn’t talk about it publicly.” I think there’s an obvious reason that Phil didn’t make a “coming out” video with all the other old-school LGBTQ+ YouTubers once that became expected. He knew that coming out publicly would automatically put the spotlight on Dan, and he wasn’t willing to do that. 

All of this to say, Phil didn’t wait to come out of the closet until 2019 because he was nervous, or didn’t want people to know. Phil started his YouTube channel already out of the closet. Phil WENT BACK INTO THE CLOSET for Dan. To make sure Dan was safe and protected and comfortable, Phil didn’t talk publicly about his sexuality for TEN YEARS. Whatever they are to each other now, whether platonic or romantic, that’s genuine love. When Dan says they’re soulmates, he’s not exaggerating. 

[wosofan14]

Jackie Groenen House Tour Interview - 22/10/20 (Rough English Translation)


Little note - The format of the interview was a little weird. The interviewer guy was very random with what he said, so some things in the translation are very random. But other than that, the video was super interesting. Hope you enjoy the translation :)


Interviewer: Welcome to a brand new episode of “Inside”, a show where we get an inside look into the houses of professional footballers, e-sports players, Youtubers etc... I’m very excited about today’s guest, as we get to go international on this episode. We are going all the way to Manchester, England to get an inside look in Jackie Groenen’s house.

*On screen text*
Woonkamer = Living Room

Badkamer = Bathroom

Slaapkamer = Bedroom

Logeerkamer = Guest Bedroom

Balkan = Balcony

Interviewer: There is an Easter egg hidden in this video, so if you pay attention, then you can spot it, then you’ll have a chance to win some cool prizes. If you’re as excited as I am about this video, don’t forget to like this video and subscribe to the channel to not miss any cool videos. Hopefully after this video, there will be more people that will want to give house tours. Or not, I’d also understand if no one wanted to show me their house. Haha just joking. Now let’s ring the (imaginary) doorbell, or we can knock. Please ignore the huge headphones I am wearing.

Jackie: Hi Matthy (interviewer’s name) and viewers of this show. Welcome to the tour of my crib and welcome to Manchester!

Jackie: Come on inside, this is the hall. I can’t show you too much of the guest bedroom, as my dad is currently visiting. He is also currently filming this video and he’s filming for the first time, so don’t be too cruel on him.

Interviewer: I think your father is doing very well to be fair.

Jackie: Because of the current situation we are in, I’ve frequently had people sleep over and it’s been fun, as it’s meant that I haven’t been alone very often. Now here is my fantastic closet with, if I’m being honest, way too many clothes in it. And I see my father is already looking a little bored behind the camera, as this is his least favourite part.

Interviewer: Yes, I could hear him sigh deeply or take a deep breath behind the camera. You could also see him in the reflection of the closet.

Jackie: This is Mimo (it’s a cushion of a bunny) and he’s my best friend’s bunny. I’ve been able to take this cushion of with me so that I can always think about Mimo and Jenny because I miss them a lot when I’m here in Manchester. I also have a sweater here from training with Manchester United. As most of you will probably already know, I’ve always played with number 14 and I’m lucky enough to be able to play with that number here at Manchester United as well. That’s something I’m very proud of if I’m being honest. I’ve always been a huge fan of Johan Cruyff and I’m always very proud whenever I get to wear the number 14.

Interviewer: Very cool.

Jackie: Alright, here we have the first bathroom. I’ve never actually watched MTV Cribs before, so I don’t really know how people present their bathrooms to the camera.

Interviewer: I’ve never watched MTV Cribs either, but I can tell you that this is a very nice bathroom.

Jackie: People brush their teeth here.

Interviewer: (laughs). I hope that people brush their teeth in the bathroom. People at home, if you don’t brush your teeth, then start now!

Jackie: One of my favourite things about my apartment is obviously my bedroom.

Interviewer: If you have the same bed in your own bedroom as you do in your guest bedroom, then you know that the guests are really well cared for. That is really good to see. I’m adding points on for that!

Jackie: Another of my favourite things about my house is the view. At the moment, you can’t see too much because of the rain. That gives you a good idea about what the weather is like in Manchester.

Interviewer: I was just about to say, that’s typical in Manchester. The view is really pretty though.

Jackie: And here is my very very first guitar. I began playing on this guitar in Frankfurt. I take this guitar with me if I ever go with the girls to the park or somewhere like that. I’m still very careful with it though, as it’s my first ever guitar

Interviewer: I used to play guitar as well. The fact that you have the courage to play the guitar in front of a crowd of in public is very impressive and something I never would have done. I am intrigued though to know how long you’ve played the guitar for.

Jackie: Ummmm I think I’ve been playing the guitar for around 3 years, but I’ve only started taking it more seriously in the past 6 months or so with taking lessons. In Germany, I also had some lessons, but there weren’t very many of them. At the moment though, I play a lot and take a lot more lessons than I used to. I try to have 1-2 lessons every week and I try and play as much as I can before I go to bed so that I can keep improving. I’m still not very good, but I can play some songs. For example, if my dad is sitting on the couch in the evening, or if we are sitting by the heater, I always find it fun to then play a song on my guitar. Slowly but surely, I’m getting better and better at playing.

Interviewer: *says something about the Easter egg in the video and not wanting to spoil anything*

Jackie: Moving on, this is my record player. I’m obsessed with LPs and I find it lovely to put some music on in the evening before I go to bed. Because of my dad, most of my LPs are from the 70s and 80s.

Interviewer: *sees Black Stories in the cabinet* Black Stories is a fantastic game. It’s good to see that you play that game too. But LPs are old music aren’t they? I see and LP of the Beatles, which I like listening too as well. No modern music ever comes out on LPs though, so what do you listen to? Do you only listen to older music?

Jackie: There’s a bit of everything here. 80s music, Beatles, Queen, Jeff Buckley. My absolute favourite LP though is this one of Jim Croce. My dad first introduced me to his music and now I listen to it nonstop. I also love Fleetwood Mac, which is in the record player right now.

Interviewer: I think that most of the people watching this show will have never heard of Jim Croce. This type music is really not something I would enjoy listening to. But I do like that you have such a specific taste in music. You could have also listened to the Top 40 or Despacito.

Jackie: This is something that might be nice to show everyone. I feel like I don’t look at it enough, but I always enjoy holding it. This is the medal from when we became European Champions in 2017. I also have the silver medal from the World Cup in 2019 here where we got 2nd place and lost against the USA. Hopefully now everyone has forgotten about that though (laughs).

Interviewer: That’s still super cool though. A silver medal from the World Cup and a gold medal from the Euros is something that not many footballers can say they’ve achieved.

Jackie: Moving onto my nightstand, I have a picture of all my friends. One of my friends made this painting of us. She’s a very good artist. This is actually my friendgroup, and this painting reminds me of them a lot. And umm... (picks up book of crossword puzzles)

Interviewer: Yes! Zweedse Puzzelboekje (crossword puzzles). Those puzzles are so fun people!

Jackie: I know, I’m old (I guess because she likes doing those types of puzzles that makes her old).

Interviewer: If you’re old then I’m old too.

Jackie: Alright, on to the second bathroom. I think they call this an en-suite. Here is also a place where people brush their teeth.

Jackie: Alright, moving on again. Welcome to my living room/kitchen. This is the room where I study a lot. I also have my Player of the Match award from the World Cup semi-final game against Sweden.

Interviewer: A Player of the Match award is so cool to get, and especially in the semi-finals of a World Cup. It doesn’t even seem that much smaller than the trophy you’d get if you won the whole competition. Obviously they can’t give the big trophy to everyone though. That award is still super cool though.

Jackie: This is my most recent player of the match award from last Sunday from the game against Tottenham.

Interviewer: I think they have those awards in the Premier League for every game as well. Super cool that you have one of those.

Jackie: Someday I’ll make a nice decoration with all these Player of the Match awards.

Jackie: Welcome to my kitchen! I’ll give you guys a small look at what’s in my refrigerator. There’s not too many interesting things in here. I have some fruit and some yoghurt in my fridge.

Interviewer: I think I see some vanilla yoghurt or honey, one of those two things. There are lots of Dutch foods in the fridge though, which is good to see even if you’re in Manchester.

Jackie: Something that is more fun to tell you about is my guilty pleasure. I am obsessed with beschuit met muisjes (a sort of cake like thing with sprinkles - it’s a little hard to explain, so here’s a link to a picture: https://www.iamexpat.nl/lifestyle/lifestyle-news/strange-and-funny-dutch-traditions-beschuit-met-muisjes). I always have some beschuit and some muisjes here, as my dad always brings them for me from the Netherlands.

Interviewer: I assume that they don’t have De Ruijter (company that makes muisjes and hagelslag) in England, so it’s good to see that there’s still lots of Dutch foods in your kitchen in England.


Jackie: On to the living room, and this is where I relax a lot. I lay on the couch a lot to recover after trainings. For me, this is the most comfy part of the house. I’m always ver relaxed here.

Interviewer: I see another guitar there.

Jackie: Now, this second guitar is one of my most prized possessions. I bought this right before the lockdown and I am really proud of this guitar. I try and play some songs on it as much as I can in the evening.

Interviewer: Now this is the third or fourth time that music has come up on this tour and the second or third time that the guitar has come up. I don’t know if I dare to ask you this, but Jackie, I think that you should play a little bit of a song for the viewers of the show and for me.

Jackie: Now, I don’t play very much on camera because I’m not very good yet.

*plays song and sings*

Interviewer: I did not expect this at all! Jackie can sing! You acted as if you were shy and didn’t want to play the guitar, but then you started singing as well.

Jackie: The song goes on like that for a while, and for the viewers, anyone who can guess that song has a good taste in music.

Interviewer: Unfortunately, I do not know that song. Clearly I don’t have much knowledge about music.

Jackie: Another fun little thing to know is that since the lockdown, I have a Nintendo switch. I must say that I’ve used this quite a lot. Especially when some of my teammates where living with me in my house and we all played Mario Kart. A little secret about that that I have to tell you as well is that we always used the Player of the Match award from the World Cup to hold conversations and give a little speech (thanking your parents friends, etc - think about thank you speeches after awards ceremeonies) thanking people after someone won a game of Mario Kart.

Jackie: This is my balcony.

Interviewer: That’s really high up.

Jackie: It’s really nice to have. I’ll point to some things now.

*points* Here are some restaurants that I would usually eat at frequently.

*points again* That’s one of my dad’s favourite restaurants.

Interviewer: I’m not very familiar with the city of Manchester and I don’t recognize the area that you live in, but is the stadium close to your apartment?

Jackie: *points towards stadium* The Man United stadium is right over there behind that building. It’s about a 10 minute walk away from my apartment. I go there quite a bit as well.

Interviewer: A 10 minute walk?! That’s so nice to have the stadium so close.

Jackie: So, from rainy Manchester, I’d like to say thank you for watching my crib tour. I hope you enjoyed watching, and I hope to see everyone very soon again in the Netherlands. Bye!

Interviewer’s report of Jackie’s crib tour:

Inside Challenge: 5/5. I think that everyone who saw that was flabbergasted by your singing.

Football Factor: 3,25/5. The location relative to the stadium is perfect for a footballer. The fact that you can walk 10 minutes to the training as well is so nice to have as a footballer.

Food: 5/5 I saw a lot of Dutch food there, and you also get some bonus points for the beschuit met muisjes.

Chill area: 2,75/5. The chill area was okay. I don’t think you need much room for a chill area as long as there is somewhere to brush your teeth (laughs).

Final score: 4,5/5

[kookscrescent]

Midnight Rendezvous (m) │ jhs

➤ pairing│Hoseok x female reader ➤ summary│Because of a rule that was implemented at Hoseok’s apartment, he has to sneak you in without his roommates finding out. But perhaps you were a little too loud... ➤ rating│NC-17, mature, 18+ ➤ genre│smut, fluff, boyfriend au ➤ warnings│unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cremepie, multiple orgasms (female), swearing, dirty talk?, Hobi is slightly dominant but also not really?, Yoongi kinda hates you and is a little grumpy ➤ word count│6k│semi edited ➤ release date│December 22nd 2019 ➤ disclaimer│This is all fiction! Nothing mentioned/written are facts and/or real! So please just keep that in mind when reading and enjoy! Thank you ♡

⇥ Masterlist

Your feet are doing their best, taking double the steps that you normally would, to try and keep up with Hoseok, that is currently dragging you down the thankfully empty corridor. His grip on your hand is tight and if he were to let go and stop you would without a doubt faceplant right into his back or fall flat on your ass.

“Are you really going to sneak me inside?” You ask in disbelief.

Hoseok turns briefly, his eyes catching yours and a cheeky smile finding his lips before he turns to look where he’s going once again.

“I am. The guys don’t know about you yet.”

When you first started dating Hoseok two months ago, you weren’t aware that he lived in an apartment with six other guys. It wasn’t until you started to question him about why he would always insist on going to your place that he told you.

The thought of seven guys living in an apartment together is funny to you. Like, how would that even work? And how freaking big was his apartment?

“Are you embarrassed of me?” Is that why he hasn’t introduced you to his friends yet? Because he’s embarrassed to be with you?

He stops to look at you. “What? No,” he shakes his head, bringing your hand to his lips to kiss it lightly. “I would never be embarrassed of you. We just have a strict “no girls in the apartment” rule.” He rolls his eyes as he tells you this.

You frown, “A what?”

“I know. It’s stupid, and honestly I don’t even remember why we made that rule in the first place.”

“But isn’t that rule meant for one night stand type of things?” you ask him. “I mean we’re dating, so aren’t I excluded from that said rule?”

Hoseok’s lips form a straight line, his browns furrowing as he ponders over what you just said. “I don’t know,” he finally tells you. “But just for now, to be on the safe side, I’ll sneak you in.”

He continues walking till he stops at the door to his apartment.

22 C.

Next to the door there’s a little gold plaque with names written on it. You spot Hoseoks name immediately at the bottom of the plaque, and you try focusing on reading the other names as Hoseok tries to unlock the door without making too much noise.

Min Yoongi

Kim Taehyung

Kim Seokjin

Kim Namjoon

Jeon Jungkook

Park Jimin

Jung Hoseok

You are too busy reading the names, that you don’t even sense Hoseok opening the door and cracking it open just a few centimeters to peak his head inside to see if anyone is still up. Through the small crack you can see the faintly illuminated living room, and you can hear a television running in the background.

Your stomach drops. Why is anyone up at this hour watching television? It’s way past midnight.

He opens the door further, careful not to make any noise as you both sneak inside. Your head is telling you to not breath too much, but your lungs are telling you otherwise.

Hoseok leaves you in the entrée for a second to look around the corner into the living room. He comes back looking much more relaxed than when he went.

“Come on,” he whispers and takes a hold of your hand.

When he sees your hesitation to follow him, he explains, “It’s just Yoongi. He’s fallen asleep on the couch watching some fishing thing.”

Hand in his, he leads you past the living room that opens up to the kitchen and down a long hallway. In your hurry, you briefly catch a glimpse of a dark haired male lying sprawled on the couch while the television provides white noise for the sleeping body.

The open space is actually quite spacious, with a set of large floor to ceiling windows that are providing one hell of a view of Seoul. And it opens up to a large kitchen as well. It makes you wonder what the rest of the apartment looks like and how much exactly they pay to live in a place like this.

Much cost a fortune.

But you don’t get to register more of the place, because Hoseok has you in what you hope is his bedroom with the door closed and locked behind you within seconds almost.

He turns on the overhead lights and you have to blink a few times to adjust to the now brightly lit room.

You’ve spent so many days and nights at your small apartment, that you’ve many times wondered what his place and his room looked like, and you have to admit that it’s nothing like you imagined it in your mind.

It’s much more spacious and… clean? Not that you thought he was a dirty person, but it’s much more organized and put together. Everything has its place, a home where it belongs.

“I’m impressed,” you comment as you turn to his bed that looks freshly made with new sheets and all.

Hoseok grins, wrapping his arms around you shoulder from the back, hugging you close. “What? You thought I was some kind of slob?” he whispers in your ear.

“A slob? No. But it’s much more organized that what I imagined.”

Turning in his arms, you bring yours around his neck and you have to crane your neck back to look him in the eyes – him being almost a head taller than you.

“I like things to look nice.” He shrugs and pecks your lips.

“I like it.”

“Good.” Another peck and then he sets you free to roam around his room.

Taking full advantage of the opportunity, you move about his room. Starting by the desk that sits in front of the large window. There’s nothing much to see there, only his computer and a few books and some notepads with some scribbles on it.

So you move on, the full length mirror on the wall catching your eye. Or not the mirror, but the various of pictures around it – framing it.

You notice the same faces in many of the pictures. You point to a picture of Hoseok with six other guys. It’s a group shot of all seven of them – sitting together on one couch and posing for the camera.

“Are they the infamous roommates?”

“Indeed they are.” He smiles coming to stand behind you. “We were at a housewarming party and someone took that of us.”

Hoseok continues and points to the guy sitting all the way to the left, “That’s Jungkook. He’s the youngest of the seven of us. And that’s me,” he says next, “and I – of course – need no introduction,” he wiggles his eyebrows dropping a kiss to your neck. Playfully you hit his arm.

“That’s Taehyung,” he goes on. “the second youngest. Then we have Jimin. He’s colored his hair every color of the rainbow by now. He likes to experiment.”

“What color is it now?”

“Brown. His hairdresser told him to stop dying his hair for a while or else he would go bald.” He smirks, the image of a bald Jimin seeming funny to him.

“And that’s Namjoon. You and him actually have something in common.” He continues.

“What?” You ask curiously.

“You’re both really good at English.”

“Oh. Is he the only one that speaks English?”

“No no, combining the rest of us we know a great deal of words.”

You laugh at his sarcasm, but quickly quiet down when you remember where you are.

Hoseok points to the guy next to Namjoon. “That’s Jin, he’s the oldest amongst us, but by the way he acts sometimes you wouldn’t think it. And lastly, that’s Yoongi. Along with Jin he cooks most of our meals for us.”

Lightly you run your finger down the edge of the picture, your eyes zoning in on Hoseoks bright smile. The picture clearly shows how great of a bond they have with each other, all laughing and smiling.

“They are all very good looking.”

“Ya!”

“What?” you ask innocently, a light shrug rolling from your shoulders.

“I’m the only one you’re allowed to think is good looking.” He pouts, his bottom lip protruding.  

Turning, you minimize the distance between you, throwing your arms around his neck and softly giving his lips a chaste kiss. “You are all very handsome, but you are the one that I’m attracted to. You are the one that makes my heart flutter with a simple look.”

He seems pleased to hear you say this. “I make your heart flutter huh?”

“You do.”

“Good.”

No further words are exchanged between you. Instead your lips lock together – starting out as an innocent sweet peck, but you both want more. Separating you lips you let his tongue explore your mouth, his hands are resting on your hips where he gently squeezes.

Tingles shoot up and down your spine, a soft moan echoing between you.

Hoseok walks backwards while blindly aiming for his bed. You have no choice but to follow him not wanting to separate.

He falls back and you land on top of him with a small thud. It takes your breath away and you have to pull back to catch your breath.

It’s a good opportunity to look at the man lying beneath you. His gentle lust filled eyes looking back at your curiously as you silently watch him.

God! He really is handsome!

He recently colored his hair a lighter – almost golden – brown and you still find that you have to get used to it, but it looks incredible on him. It makes his eyes stand out and his skin glow.

Running a single finger down the side of his face, over his jawline and across his chin, you can feel the light stubble there, indicating that he hasn’t shaved yet today. You don’t mind it. Not when it’s this short. It’s an added sensation when you kiss – the way it lightly tickles you.

“What?” Hoseok whispers in question to your fallen silence.

“Nothing,” you say. “I just like looking at you, that’s all.”

“I knew you were just using me for my good looks.” He jokes as his arms circle around your waist.

“Don’t forget your body,” you add with a hint of smile.

You absolutely love the way you can joke around with Hoseok. His sense of humor and positive mood is one of the major things that attracted you to him in the first place. He is so bright and bubbly that even if you happen to be in a bad mood one day, his laugh is enough to cheer you up instantly.

“Ah yes, my body,” he muses. “It is a work of art isn’t it?”

You nod your agreement, the smile on your face so big that it’s almost hurting your cheeks. You kiss him, wanting to feel his soft lips pressed against yours. You lavish them with kisses until a small laugh bubbles past Hoseoks lips. You finally settle on a proper kiss, your lips pressing together and your eyes fluttering shut.

You stay like that for a while. With you laying on top of Hoseok, his arms round your waist and your lips moving together in a slow dance.

But the fire inside of you quickly takes charge, your fingers itching to touch him and your entire body tingling in anticipation of what you know he is capable of making you feel.

Wiggling on top of him, you move your legs on either side of his hips, your core coming in contact with his rapidly growing hard on beneath his jeans.

“Hoseok,” you whine against his lips and roll your hips over his.

He groans in response, his fingers digging into your hips as you continue to move them over his crotch. The tension in the room is becoming electrifying, the air filling with you small gasps of pleasure and Hoseoks low moans.

Hoseok slides his hands under the material of your shirt, and despite the warmth of his fingers, goosebumps erupt across your entire back and arms. He slides them up your back in a caressing manner and stops when he reaches the clasp of your bra. Sliding a single finger under the band, he toys with it, making you think that he’s going to unclasp it, but he doesn’t. He leaves it be. Instead he slides both his hands back down to the hem of your shirt where he effortlessly drags it up your body. Your lips part for the time it takes to get the shirt over your head.

When its off, his fingers dance back up your back and this time when they reach the clasp, he unhooks it. Sitting up straight, you slide the straps down your arms till the bra is completely off. You toss it to the floor not caring where it lands.

A low groan erupts from the back of Hoseoks throat when your bare breasts comes into view. Since day one, he has had an obsession with your breasts. The way they fit so perfectly in his hands, the way your nipples become erect at his simple touch. He could combust on the spot.

He follows your seated position, sitting up on the bed with one arm hooked around your waist to keep you close to him, while the other one is busy feeling up your breast. You throw your head back, a gasped whimper rushing into the air when he wraps his lips around your nipple.

Your nipples have always been sensitive, and Hoseok finds great pleasure in using that fact to his advantage. He sucks gently at first, his tongue circling the nub after each suck to soothe the slight sting. He nuzzles his face in the valley between your breasts, his tongue licking from there and all the way up to your neck. Immediately he sucks your skin, eagerly drawing moan after moan from you.

He loves hearing you fall apart from just his touch, it unravels him. His mind going crazy and his body seeking yours.

Clawing at his shirt, you desperately try to get it off him. You need to feel his skin against yours. Hoseok helps you, parting from the spot of your neck to toss it to the floor.

“Fuck, I want you,” he groans, looking you dead in the eyes. The fire behind them is intense, his normally brown eyes turning almost black.

You begin moving on top of him again, “Then take me.” You purr, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth.

It doesn’t take more than that small sentence to make Hoseok stand from the bed, with you still in his arms. He tosses you on the bed with a devious smirk. With both of his hands now free, he strips out of his jeans and shoes, his black boxers the only thing remaining.

Hungrily, you eye the growing bulge beneath the dark fabric, your entire body tingling with the anticipation of all the pleasure you know is to come in a few short moments.

Kicking off your own shoes, you furiously work your fingers over the button of your jeans, fingers slipping a few times before you finally pop it open. From the end of the bed you hear Hoseok laugh at your struggle to take them off, but he eventually either grows impatient from the waiting or he feels sorry to see you struggle, because he reaches out to help get the jeans off your legs, taking your panties with them in the process.

You lay completely naked on the bed in front of him. Your legs slightly parted and your hands gently cupping your breasts. Hoseok’s eyes rake over your body, from head to toe. Momentarily he stops at the space between your legs – probably his favorite place to be if anyone were to ask him.

With a ragged breath you motion your finger at him, luring him in. Before he climbs on top of you, he rids himself of his boxers. His smooth velvety skin of his hard erection softly bobbing just under his bellybutton. Despite the fact that you have seen his cock so many times, you are always amazed by it every time.

Hoseok lazily places kisses from your ankle, all the way up your calf and the inside of your thigh, his lips teasing your folds, but he swiftly continues upwards placing kisses across your abdomen and between your breasts. Finally, he connects with your lips. His tongue immediately sneaking into your mouth and exploring every nook and cranny. You let him take the lead. Sinking into the mattress and letting your hands explore his chest and back.

With every kiss your desire for Hoseok grows bigger! Your feel like you are on fire, your entire body tingling and your feel desperate to have him.

You manage to maneuver yourself up on your elbows and for a moment you can feel Hoseoks confusion against your lips, until you, with a little help from him, manage to switch your positions.

With you now on top, Hoseok lets you take the lead. He settles his hands on your hips, his thumbs gently stroking across your skin there.

Going in for another kiss, you hum against his lips as you slowly grind against him. His cock nestling between your folds and your arousal making it a lot easier to move. Continuing, you grind on top of him, pre-cum drooling onto his stomach.

Hoseok moves his hands to your ass, kneading each cheek and helping you push your hips over him. He growls, the sound coming from the depts of his throat. “You’re so fucking wet.”

“You make me this wet.”

Another low growl flows through the air and makes you shudder. Sitting up straight, you rest the palms of your hands on his lower abdomen, the movement of your hips never seizing.

You can’t wait any longer! It has been too long since you have last had him to yourself like this. Raising yourself slightly, you reach to grasp his cock. Giving it a few slow tugs and enjoying the way the pre-cum leaks from the swollen tip, before you guide him to your dripping entrance.

Leisurely, you sink down. Your inner walls sucking his cock in inch by delicious inch. The wind is almost knocked out of you once he is completely nestled inside of you. Your fingers claw at the skin on his stomach as you gradually begin to move. Hips rocking back and forth before you gain momentum and really begin riding him.

From you hips, Hoseoks hands travel up your body till they reach your sensitive breasts. There he wastes no time in cupping each of them in his large palms, his thumbs stroking over you erect nipples.

“Fuck…” you gasp. The burning in your thighs are slowly creeping in on your, but you don’t let it stop you, it only spurs you on and you start bouncing on him, his cock glistening with your arousal each time you retreat.

Hoseok notices, “Shit! You have n-“

You are both silenced as voices erupt from the hallway, right outside of Hoseoks room. With a rapidly beating heart you halt on top of him. You don’t even dare breath as the voices continue. After a short minute, Hoseok seems to grow impatient and he takes it upon himself to keep going.

In one abrupt motion he brings your upper body flushed to his chest and raises his leg. Grabbing your ass in both hands, he pounds in and out of you, not caring in the slightest that someone is right outside of the door.

Afraid that you will be heard, you choose to bite down on his shoulder as your hands wildly rip at the sheets beneath you.

Hoseok keeps bouncing you on his cock and at some point, you don’t even hear the voices anymore. You don’t even know if they have left or if you are so wrapped up in the scorching pleasure running through your body that you have just tuned it out completely.

But at this point you don’t even care!

“Hoseok – of fuuuck – I’m gonna cum!” You warn him out of breath.

“Cum!” He whispers hoarsely. “Cum on my cock!”

Rippling waves of pleasure shoot through your body and straight to heat and within seconds you cum. You are gripping his shoulders for dear life as you try your best to not make too much noise. But it is almost impossible when Hoseok doesn’t let up, he keeps pumping in and out of you, drawing the last bits of your orgasm out.

You feel dizzy and like you are having an out of body experience, and you don’t even register that Hoseok rolls you around so that he is now on top.

He still hasn’t finished yet, but he’s close. The way your walls so deliriously contract around him is almost enough to set him off. But he’s not finished with you yet.

Hoseok pick right back up from where he left off. His cock thrusting into you but at a much more leisure pace. You welcome the weight of his body on top of yours, your chests sticking together from the light layer of sweat.

Connecting your lips, you run your fingers through his light locks, a soft gasp of air cursing past your plump lips, as you ravel in the feelings of your post orgasm bliss and the fire you can feel beginning to burn once again inside of you.

It really doesn’t take much for you to cum since you have been with Hoseok. You have never had any trouble in previous relationships, but you have never been this sensitive before – only with Hoseok.

“You like the way I fuck you, huh?” he mumbles, the words vibrating against your lips.

You nod, fingers scratching down his back to the small dimples above his ass, “Yes, so good!”

He slows down, withdrawing from your heat till only the head of his cock is buried inside of you, and slowly pushing back in. You look down to where you are connected, the sight of him slowly working himself in and out of you causing you to clench down around him hard, making it hard for him to push back in.

“Shit!” He curses below his breath. “You’re so tight baby!”

You can do nothing to answer him at this point. Your mind and body too far gone to come up with any kind of answer or sentence that would make sense.

He buries his face your neck, his whole-body tightening, and he begins speeding up. He is now slamming his hips against yours and instinctively you let your legs drop open, creating more space for him to move and also changing the way he hits inside you.

“Hoseok,” you moan his name when the fire furiously spreads and you close your eyes tightly waiting for the explosion.

“Fuck! I’m gonna cum! Gonna cum, gon-“ he doesn’t get to finish his sentence, his words being cut off when he uncontrollably cums inside of you, setting off your second orgasm of the night.

He is breathing harshly against the side of your neck, both of your bodies trying to calm down after that ride. With your hands, you gently caress his back. The tips of your fingers tickling his skin causing a low and satisfied hum to come from him.

You are beginning to feel oversensitive with him still buried inside of you, your walls continuously clamming down around him and it’s too much. You wiggle under him, a silent plea for him to pull out.

Thankfully, he gets it and he sits up and slowly pulls out of you. Instantly, you can feel his hot seeds leaking out of you and your cheeks redden. But it doesn’t seem to faze Hoseok in the slightest. The opposite in fact! Hoseok finds it extremely hot to watch his own orgasm leaking out of you. It makes him want to jump right back on you for another round! But he resists the urge to do so – knowing that you would probably pass out.

Instead he settles on, “That’s so fucking hot!” and switches from looking at your reaction to the happenings between your legs.

You cover your face with your hands in embarrassment and groan. “Doooon’t…” you whine.

He can’t help but laugh at how cute you are, being embarrassed by this small matter when only seconds ago he was inside of you doing much dirtier things.

“You’re so cute!”

“Yeah, well I’m not going to be cute when your cum leaks onto your sheets and you’re going to make me change them.” You half jokingly tell him.

“Shit, right!”

Hoseok springs to his ensuite bathroom and comes back seconds later with a hot washcloth. Gently, he wipes between your legs, wiping away the remainder of him.

He pulls a face looking at the sheet. “Some still got on the sheet.”

Sitting up, you wrap yourself in the crumpled up duvet next to you. “I’m not going to change the sheets.” You tell him matter-of-factly. “Your cum, your task.”

He throws the washcloth through the open door of the bathroom and reach for his boxers on the floor. “Your cum is on there too!” He protests pulling them over his hips.

“Yeah well, that is your doing to. You’re the one that made me that wet.”

“Oh so now that’s a bad thing.” He crawls on the bed till he can reach your lips and he pecks them, before he crawls back off.

“Off you get then,” he starts tugging on the corner of the sheet, and your get off the bed so he can strip it off the rest of the way, because there is no way that you are sleeping on sheets with dried cum on them tonight!

With Hoseok working on ridding the bed, you manage to take a look at the state of his bedroom. It is messy! What the hell had you been doing?!

Both of your clothes are scattered across the wooden floor, your bra hanging off the side of his desk chair. One of his pillows has also manage to find its way to the floor, decorated with one of Hoseoks socks strewn across it.

You laugh at the sight… what a mess.

“What’s so funny?” Hoseok asks with the cum filled sheet in hand.

You wrinkle your nose, “Nothing, your room is just a mess now.”

“Yeah…” he murmurs. “Could you please…” he makes a weird gesture around the room with one arm, indicating the mess, “tidy? Just a little bit babe? While I go throw this in the was and get a new sheet.”

“Of course,” you say. “Do you have to go out to get the sheet?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be right back,” he tells you and the he carefully unlocks and opens his bedroom door, and just as carefully closes it behind him.

Now alone in his room, you reach for the t-shirt he had been wearing earlier on in the day. His smell ingulfing you and hugging your body. You also put on your panties for good measure.

You start with your clothes. Collecting it all from the floor and neatly folding it despite the fact the fact that it is has to go straight in the hamper, and place is on his desk chair.

You don’t bother with putting the pillow or duvet back on the bed yet, because the sheet still has to go on first, and since there is pretty much nothing left to “clean” up, you take a seat on the end of the bed and wait for Hoseok to return.

2 minutes pass.

5 minutes pass.

8 minutes.

10 minutes.

13 minutes.

When he’s been away for a whole of 15 minutes, you begin to wonder where the hell he has gone to. Maybe he’s gotten lost or fallen asleep somewhere?

Should you go out there and look for him?

What if someone sees you? What would even happen if someone were to see you? It’s not like they can throw you out… can they? No! Surely not. Hoseok would never allow that!

You take the chance. Softly cracking the door open just enough to take a peek into the hallway. It’s dark and all the doors are closed, but the light in the front room you passed through is still on. Opening the door further, you step out and freeze momentarily.

Still, you can hear no sounds other than the television that is apparently still running in the living room. Is that guy… Yoongi? Still sleeping on the couch? It’s well past midnight, surely, he has gone to his bed by now.

You tiptoe your way down the dark hallway, slowly passing by each closed door as if it might burst open at any moment and reveal an angry roommate.

The closer you get to the light, you start to hear hushed voices coming from the room with the television. You stop to listen. Huh, is that Hoseoks voice? You swear that you can hear his voice coming from the room, but you can’t make out what he or anyone else are saying.

You sneak closer to the corner, your head peeking around hit to see Hoseok, still in his boxers and a newly folded sheet in one hand, standing in front of six other guys sitting on the couch looking like it isn’t almost 3 o’clock in the morning.

“But we made the rule for a reason.” You hear the one sitting closest to you say. You think you recognize him as Yoongi, from the picture and the guy that was sleeping on the couch when you walked in earlier in the evening.

Is Hoseok getting grilled by his roommates right now? Because he brought you here? That leaves an unpleasant feeling in the pit of your stomach and you take that as you cue to enter the room.

“But some rules are me-“

The guys speaking stops when he sees you enter the room behind Hoseok. All six pairs of eyes turn in your direction, in turn making Hoseok look as well. He sighs when he sees you walking up to him.

“What are you doing out here?” He asks you, his eyes eyeing your naked legs.

You had completely forgotten that you were only wearing his t shirt. Thank god you put on your panties! “You didn’t come back and I started to worry that you had gotten lost.” You shyly mumble under his roommates heated stares.

“You worried I had gotten lost?” He smiles. “In my own apartment?”

“It’s a big apartment,” you manage to joke.

You can still feel their stars on you, and you cuddle closer to Hoseoks side for a sense of security, his arm immediately bringing you closer.

“I’m guessing that this is ____,” one of the guys say and stands. He is taller than Hoseok and his hair a pale blond color. He gives you a bright smile and extends his hand towards you. “I’m Namjoon,” he introduces himself.

Shaking his hand, you return his smile. “____,” you say even though he clearly already knows your name.

“We were just talking about you,” Namjoon then proceeds to tell you.

“I heard,” you weakly reply. You want to run away and hide in Hoseoks room, but you settle on nuzzling further into his side.

“Listen guys,” Hoseok begins, drawing all of their attention towards him. “I don’t give a fuck about the rule, okay. We made that rule a year ago when Yoongi kept complaining that Jungkook and Taehyung were bringing random girls back every weekend and keeping him up all night.”

So that is why they instated the “No girls in the apartment” rule.

“But ____ isn’t just a random hookup, we’ve been dating for over five months now and it’s safe to say that she is here to stay.”

No one says anything for a moment until another unnamed boy speaks up, you think you recognize him as Seokjin if you remember correctly from the picture on the mirror. “Okay then, let’s put it to a vote.” He says scooting forward on the couch. “I’m Jin by the way,” he quickly adds with a wink before going on with the voting. “All of those in favor of getting rid of the stupid “no girls in the apartment” rule, raise your hand.”

They all raise their hands except Yoongi, who keeps both of his hands firmly crossed over his chest and sour expression on his face. He is clearly not pleased with the outcome of this evening!

“Well that’s final then!” one of them says, jumping up from the couch. He approaches you with a huge boxy smile and an outstretched hand. “I’m Taehyung, but you can call me Tae.”

“Hey,” you smile back not really know what else to do at this point.

They guy, Jimin, that has colored his hair all the colors of the rainbow, leaves his spot on the couch, dragging another guy with him, now only leaving Yoongi to be seated.

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Jimin says. “Hobi has been less of a pain in the ass lately and I guess we now know why.” He winks and you blush slightly.

Hoseok smacks the side of his arm, “Ya! You the one that’s a pain in the ass!”

Jimin ignores him though, still focusing on you. “Oh! How rude of me not to introduce myself! I’m Jimin.”

“I know,” you accidentally let it slip over your lips and Jimin give you a weird look. You quickly explain, “The guy that’s colored his hair all the colors of the rainbow,” you tell him. “Hoseok has a picture in his room and… and he told me that and I-I remembered…”

“Oh…”

Hoseok cuts in, “Stop interrogating her and go to sleep!” He tells Jimin.

“No one’s interrogating her, we’re just curious,” the other guys cuts into the conversation. “I’m Jungkook.” He smiles.

“Hey…” all of these names and new faces is making your head spin, and not in a particularly good way.

Jungkook points to Yoongi on the couch, “And that’s Yoongi. But don’t mind is sour mood. He’s just annoyed he didn’t get his way! You’re more than welcomed here!”

At this you smile, “Thank you.”

You feel your body starting to relax a bit upon hearing this. You really thought that they weren’t going to accept you or like you, and you would never come in between Hoseok and his life long friends. That would break your heart.

Namjoon claps his hands making every one turn to him, “Alright! Let’s just wrap up this conversation and call it a night. We can get to know ____ more in the morning.”

Everyone agrees with Namjoon and everyone leaves the living room to go to their bedroom.

“That went better than I had expected,” Hoseok comments and plants a kiss on the top of your head.

You give him a tender smile, squeezing his side. A few steps behind you notice Jimin following you down the darkened hallway.

“How did they know I was here?” You dare ask Hoseok in what was meant as a whisper before entering the room.

Jimin hears you say this just as he is passing by to get to his room. “The walls are probably not as thick as you think they are.” He turns and blasts you a full on smirk and a wink before turning on his heel and walks to his room.

“Oh my god!” You groan in embarrassment.

Hoseok laughs as you faceplant into the still unmade bed. “It’s not that bad.” He assures you.

“Really?” You hopefully question.

Closing the door, he drops the new sheet on the floor next to the bed and sits beside you. “Well not for me, you were the loud one.”

“Ugh!” You groan yet again as you want to die in embarrassment!

Thank you for reading! I’ve wanted to do a Hoseok one shot for a while now and I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for so long just waiting to be finished! And now i finally finished it!!! I really hope you liked it! If you did please like and reblog :) 

All Rights Reserved © 2020 Kookscrescent

[chaoticspacefam]

2020 In Review: Wordcount Tag

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch​ , thank you! I’m not sure who’s already done or been tagged for this cause I am, once again, late to the party LOL but I shall (no pressure and sorry if you’ve already done it!) tag: @rainofaugustsith​ , @darth-bagel​ , @thatmmolesbian​ , @thelastenvoyyy​ and anybody else who wants to do this. Yes, I promise I mean you!

Words: 45,314

Published: 0 (I’m not counting the couple of Six Sentence tags I’ve gotten, they’re snippets of an unfinished piece & are included below instead :), or roleplay replies, cause that feels like cheating lol.) I actually wrote a lot more than I thought I had, this is a rough guesstimate as well, as my oneshot WIPs tend to be all over the place across something like 6 different documents, some of which have existed since 2018, so I had to guess at how far up to count from the end for some of them, but I think it’s a fair guesstimate XD I also have included lore/worldbuilding docs in this because that was a 3-month long Lockdown 1.0 Boredom/”Canon is a trash fire so I’m ignoring that and making up my own lore” passion project and I’m goddamn proud of how much I wrote for that. It’s the most I’ve written in one stretch (think I finished it over a span of 3 nights or so, once I’d done all the research and made all the notes ofc ^^)

Not Published: 45,314

The Breakdown:

swtor - 45,314

for creeping shadows (my main longfic/part one of the subterfugeverse series) - 1,553  - Aria, stop being difficult! *shakes fists* XD

oneshots - 16,223

lore/worldbuilding (for subterfugeverse naturally) - 23,001 (is this ALL tomato alien lore? pretty much, yes, yes it is :’D ~400 words is “the WIP reworked timeline to correlate my worldbuilding with the canon timeline that was released”, but 98% is just...me thinking way too much about Purebloods and how they deserved way better goddamn lore. I blame @fluffynexu ‘s amazing tomato worldbuilding posts,  reading them when I went looking for “canon” lore one day for the rp is what got me started down that rabbithole (it’s awesome and if you haven’t already you should totally go check hers out too :DD), I had a “fuck you then canon I’ll do it myself too >:L” moment and once I started I couldn’t stop until I’d crapped out literally over 20k words on the subject *whispering* thank you LOL)

zephyrverse au bonus oneshots - 4,537 (stuff I wrote to fill in time gaps or “just cause I had a plot bunny”, relating to mine and k-christine’s zephyrverse au rp. None of these will likely be posted publicly, but they still deserve to be counted as words I wrote this year :’D

As you can see, most of my “muse” this year came from sporadic oneshots :’D The Ahaszaai twins also properly plot-bunnied their way into my brain in late 2019 and haven’t stopped making a nuisance of themselves the whole fucking year. Every time I tried to carry on with a chapter, one of the two of them would pop up like “Nooo write about ME! pay attention to ME!” - Yes, Ni’kasi, I will get to you this year, I promise XD

New Things I Tried:

Just Writing. Not worrying about whether “it wasn’t part of the next chapter” or “it comes from a part in the story that I’m nowhere near close to posting yet”. If I felt like writing something, or for a specific pairing/feeling/scene, whatever. I wrote until I ran outta muse juice. Yeah, it meant I didn’t technically “finish” anything this year BUT - the important thing is I wrote stuff. and that’s all that really matters, eh? :’D

Polyam ships! May not seem like a big deal but I spent a long time talking myself out of them because of internalised toxic monogamy and finally saying “you know what, fuck it! I can ship three or more people together and it can still be a perfectly wholesome, healthy and loving relationship and that’s okay” was a BIG thing for me this year.

Dialogue Scripts: which I didn’t count as wordcount because really it’s just word vomit of general tone/inflection and dialogue that I came up with right before falling asleep which I didn’t want to lose. Basically, if an exchange or a particularly punchy or moving line of dialogue popped into my brain but I wasn’t ready to write the whole scene that it fit into out, but didn’t want to forget the line(s). I wrote it out in movie script/script-style roleplay fashion e.g. Character’s Name: (emotion, hand gestures etc.) [Dialogue here] and so on. I know this is probably a well known trick of the trade, but I never took it seriously until this year. Seriously, do it. It’s great.

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

Hmmm, a snippet for Andronikos/Ni’kasi that I started this week which isn’t posted yet (saving it for this week’s Six Sentence Sunday so look out for it! :D) was pretty fun to work on, I love their dynamic and Kas is suprisingly fun to write for.

Also the Aria/Vano proposal scene that I posted a snippet for the week before last. I’m having great fun with that scene, and I really enjoy putting a non-serious spin on the classic “proposal scene” tropes. Can’t wait to finish it, though it may be a while before the full one goes up on AO3, as it depends whether it ends up fitting in as part of the mainfic or as an additional oneshot

And I have a D’leah/Kissai oneshot that I need to give another once-over before I finally yeet it onto AO3 and Tumblr for you guys to see :’D

Favorite Fic I Read:

@sleepswithvillains Eleanora/Quinn fic, Helplessly Hoping. I’m horribly behind on chapters and I gotta catch up and read the finale this week, but it’s been a helluva great ride and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the story! <3

Also The Invitation collab with @tishinada featuring Zas and Fiona had me squealing, I can’t wait to catch up on HH and see more of these two, they’re adorable ;-; @a-muirehen​ ‘s Relu/Merkara series of course! I’m a complete sucker for (friends to lovers to in Ariano’s case but yea pfpfpf) enemies to lovers ships and these two are just so good, I am on the edge of my seat every time we get a new snippet for them, ngl (grimace emoji) @darth-bagel ‘s Sylvas/Graz’zt and Sylvas/Liz/Rilfaen snippets which they’ve been spoiling me with on Discord @mercurypilgrim ‘s Ven’fir/Quinn AU oneshots, Cloudbank (Western was a particular favourite, but all are very good!) and of course @rainofaugustsith ‘s Lana/Viri updates are always fantastic, some personal favourites from this year were Almost There & Memory of Healing :3 (I totally still go back to read Commander & Advisor too sometimes, getting to see Viri be a little diabolical and messing with “MiNiSTeR LoRMaN!” was and still is my favourite thing XD)

If I’ve left you out I’m sorry!! These were the ones that stuck out in my memory, but I’ve loved everyone’s writing this year, it’s been great :3

Writing Goals:

to actually finish and post chapter 8 & 9 of Creeping Shadows. Then we’ll get to the meat and potatoes of the story and maybe Aria will stop being a brat and fighting me every time I try to stick to a semi-regular update schedule Get off my butt, finalise the name and get started on Ni’kasi’s part of the Subterfugeverse story. Maybe run the updates in-tandem with Creeping Shadows but idk if I want to wait till after CS is done before I start posting Kas’s side, or do them side-by-side yet, we’ll see ;) Keep writing! I know better than to pressure myself by setting a specific word count goal, that’s never worked well in the past

At least 2 chapters of each of the works mentioned above would be great though, more would be better! We’ll see how I go

Words of Thanks:

honestly, to everybody in the fandom I’ve met this year. Anybody that I follow, thank you for being there and engaging with me and/or posting amazing content for me to look at! I came over from deviantART where the SWTOR fandom is incredibly small and generally quite inactive and the contrast since moving over here has been incredibly uplifting. I very nearly cancelled Creeping Shadows and stopped posting fic for my SWTORverse altogether because I got next to no engagement on dA and it was very disheartening to the point where I felt I could enjoy the game and the rp partners I had, but the solo projects I’d put so much thought, time and love into already weren’t worth continuing. You guys took that spark and kept it going and I really don’t have enough words to say how grateful I am for that. Even if I haven’t published much this year, making posts on this tumblr, interacting with everyone and working on lore, plot points and so on for Subterfugeverse has kept me going through the Hellish Year of Nightmares that was 2020 <3

to the amazing new friends I’ve made in this past year, who have listened to me ramble about headcanons, character backstories, writing snippets (and rambled/sent some back), keep being awesome: @walk-ng-d-saster , @darth-bagel , @kyber-heart , @deepseacritter , @thedinalixlegacy to further friends and meme tag buddies, I get so excited every time I see a mention for a new meme or ask game in my inbox, so thank you!! : @mimabeann , @palepinkycat , @a-master-procrastinator , @raven-of-domain-kwaad , @actualanxiousswampwitch , @thatmmolesbian , @a-muirehen to my regular commentors/rebloggers/likers/askbox lurkers, I see every one of you and every time your users pop up I grin like a kid in a toy shop: @starlightjedi , @sparkles-and-rust , @wilvarin-chan , @sunsetofdoom , @ask-an-andalite , @thelastenvoyyy . @lyrishadow and more because Tumblr only goes so far back and I have the memory of Swiss Cheese. If you regularly comment, like, reblog, or anything, from me, know that I see you, and I love and appreciate you for it! <3

I couldn’t possibly remember to tag everyone and I promise if I missed you out it’s not because I hate you! Anxiety just sometimes be a bitch and I don’t wanna look like a clown calling someone a “friend” if I’m not explicitly sure we are, in fact, friends. I think you’re all awesome and I’m so glad to have moved over here and met you all <3

[stxn-the-mxn]

I Love You, Too || 2019!Reddie X Daughter!Reader

A/N: I combined two requests, cause I wanted to put them together :))) Hope you don’t mind

Request: hi! i absolutely LOVE your writings! especially the daughter!reader ones. i was wondering if i could request something? like where the reader is eddie and richie are married and they adopted a daughter. she’s has a stutter and is picked on for it at school. she comes home one day crying and her dad’s comfort her when she says she hates her stutter and they tell her that it’s not a bad thing and she should embrace it and not be ashamed? just soft family fluff! thank you -Anon

Could you do a semi sweet but angst fic? Richie and Eddie get out of Derry together and get married, adopt a little girl (the reader) and they return to derry with her. She’s around 7/8 years old and penny wise gets her, they go to save her with the rest of the losers but Eddie still dies 🥺 (my baby) but sweet moments of the reader meeting the gang and everything and sweet moments with her papa’s. Sorry if it sounds kind of dumb ❤️❤️❤️ - @spidey-starky

!!WARNING: HOMOPHOBIC SLURS, IT CH2 SPOILERS, BLOOD!!

***

You were pushed up against your locker, Jacob holding you by your shirt collar. Most people in this situation would maybe yell out for help, try to get someone’s attention. But you were used to it, plus school had ended and barely anyone was still here.

This was a regular occurrence. The name-calling, the mockery, everything that a middle school bully could do, she had seen and heard before. It didn’t affect her anymore.

Jacob would always do this, maybe steal something of yours, typical bullying business. But today, he went too far.

After the school play, Jacob had seen your dads picking you up. He had found that perfect bullying material. A stutter and the daughter of two gays? Perfect victim, he thought.

“Come on, Stuttering Y-Y/N!” He mocked your stutter, as you rolled your eyes. “Aww, is the stuttering joke getting old? Well, how bout we talk about your fag fathers?”

Your eyes widened. Shit. 

“You’re probably just like them.” Tears welled in your eyes. “And, hey, that means you’re adopted! Not even your real parents wanted you so they had to hand you over to some fucking gays! So, not only do you have a dumbass fucking stutter, your parents are fucking gay!”

Jacob smirked as he saw the tears dripping down your face. It had taken a while, but finally, he’d found what broke you. You couldn’t speak, too overwhelmed by everything happening so quickly. A part of you wished you were just getting bullied for the stutter.

“I don’t know if you noticed, Stutter Fag, but your kind isn’t appreciated around here.”

He threw you to the ground, as you landed on your nose, causing it to bleed. Jacob walked away, leaving school. You waited till you knew he was gone before grabbing your bag, picking up all the papers that had slipped out.

How long had your dad been waiting out in the parking lot? Checking your watch, you discovered he’d probably been there for at least ten minutes. Shit, he wasn’t gonna be happy… 

Running out to the car, you forgot about the blood dripping down your face. You threw your bag into the back of the car, before hopping into the front seat, being met with the concerned face of your father.

“Y/N? What the hell happened to you? Jeez, wait til Eds sees you.” He handed you a few tissues, not noticing as you used them for your eyes and not your nose. He started the car, driving back to your rather large home.

“Y/N?” Your dad placed a hand softly on your knee. “What happened after school today?”

“N-N-Nothing. Just got t-too excited and r-r-ran into a w-wall.”

You could see on his face that he didn’t believe you. Lying to your father wasn’t something you were good at. He raised an eyebrow, which meant that he expected you to keep talking.

“It w-was just J-J-Jacob. H-He stayed a-a-after class a-and, uh, he m-m-m-might have, uh, b-b-bullied me.” You whispered, mentally cursing yourself for stuttering so much.

That stupid fucking stutter was the cause of all your problems. 

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry… Look, right now, we’ll push it aside and talk about it later when Papa Bear is home.” Your dad laughed as your face contorted into disgust. He knew you hated when he called Eddie that.

“All jokes aside, we’ll discuss this later. Just relax, and maybe clean up your nose a bit more.”

***

You sat at the dinner table, eyes glued to the plate in front of you. Eddie’s eyes remained on you, concern etched on his face. Richie, however, simply smiled warmly at you. 

“Y/N, baby, you’re awfully quiet,” Eddie spoke, his head tilted slightly in confusion.

“Honey, it’s time to talk.” Richie reminded you of the conversation in the car, and with a sigh, you thought of how to explain the situation.

“Uh, d-dads, after s-s-school today, t-this kid was, u-uh, teasing m-me about m-m-m-my stutter.” You couldn’t tell the whole truth. You couldn’t tell them that. Just the thought of what Jacob said brought tears to your eyes.

The tears began streaming down your face.

Eddie left his seat, pulling you into his arms. You cried into his shoulder, and Richie piled on top. Eddie’s arms were wrapped protectively around you, and Richie rubbed calming circles on your back.

“Your stutter is so perfectly you, baby. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. Embrace it.” 

Your tears slowed as you heard Richie’s phone ring, his ringtone being that stupid Pina Colada song. At first, he ignored it, staying with you, but by the sixth consecutive ring, you told him to answer it.

“I’m hungry, anyway.” You smiled, wiping the final tears from your face. With a forehead kiss from Eddie and a final hug from Richie, they moved away, Richie answering his phone.

“Yello? Huh? Oh. Right, yeah. Yeah, cool. See you soon, I guess?” His face went white as he hung up the phone, and he ran out of the room. Seconds later you heard him in the bathroom, the sound making you cover your ears. Eddie ran to the bathroom, and you could hear him checking over Richie.

Eddie’s phone rang suddenly, and you picked it off the table, bringing it to the bathroom, where Eddie was helping Richie off the floor, moving him away from the toilet bowl.

“Dad? Your phone is ringing.” You handed the phone to the shorter male, before scurrying back to the table. What the fuck was going on?

They stayed in the bathroom for another ten minutes and when they came back, you knew something was wrong.

“Baby, we need to talk.”

***

Last night at the Chinese restaurant had been an interesting event, to say the least. It had been a long trip to Derry, so you had been half asleep when entering the restaurant. An hour into the dinner, you were on the verge of sleep.

Richie and Eddie were trying so hard to keep you awake, but you were twelve and had been on a plane for five hours, which didn’t seem like much but it was a very rocky flight. Eventually, Richie and Eddie caved and allowed you to fall asleep, leaning against Eddie’s arm.

“She’s adorable,” Beverly said, smiling at the passed out girl. The other Losers hummed in agreement, Richie and Eddie sharing a proud smile.

“H-How long h-h-have you ha-had her?” Bill asked, realising afterwards that maybe he could’ve phrased that differently.

“Since she was only two, actually. So we’ve had her for ten years, now.” Richie pushed the hair out of your eyes, a soft smile on his face.

“Tell us about her.” Stan smiled, his usual demeanour shattered by the precious girl at the table. Everyone at the table was simply enamoured with this little girl.

“Uh, we adopted her a year after we got married.” Eddie grew flustered, as the Losers smirked at him and Richie.

“She’s literally the perfect kid!” Richie chimed in, “She’s got good grades, she doesn’t get involved with anything bad or stupid, and she’s just amazing. We love her so much.”

The other Losers felt like they would burst from the amount of adoration they had for this girl. The night continued on, everyone getting quite drunk, except Stan, who felt the need to be the one sober person.

He was rolling his eyes at Richie and Eddie drunkenly flirting in the corner when he noticed you stirring from your spot on the table. You sat up, blinking a few times, growing accustomed to the fluorescent glow of the lights above.

Stan was the only one to notice you wake up and decided to separate you from the drunken activities.

“Hey, Y/N, how was your sleep?” He asked, loudly, as to maybe alert the others that you were awake. 

“Yeah, i-i-it was pretty g-good. I’m no-not as t-tired now.” Stan’s eyes widened in surprise. You had a stutter?

“Oh, honey, you’re awake!’ Richie announced loudly, everyone looking at you and Stan.

“She has a stutter?” Stan asked, and you immediately felt tears brim in your eyes.

Richie and Eddie looked worried, while the others looked intrigued. You felt everyone’s eyes on you, and it was far too much. You ran from the room, your dads calling after you.

“Did I say the wrong thing?” Stan asked worriedly.

“She’s very sensitive about the stutter. She gets bullied a lot. So, we don’t talk about it.” Eddie explained, before running out to find you, Richie not too far behind.

The other Losers turned to Bill, their stuttering friend.

He had an understanding look on his face, having lived with a stutter for so many years of his life. But he had overcome it for so many years, so surely he could help you.

The Losers returned to the table, waiting patiently for Richie and Eddie to return, you by their side. Minutes passed, and no one walked through the door, except for the waitress who placed a bowl of fortune cookies on the table.

Just as she was leaving, a panicked Eddie and Richie came through the door.

But you weren’t with them.

Their faces held panic, fear, and everything in between. 

“Guys? Where’s Y/N?” Ben asked, his voice shaky.

“W-we don’t know. We looked everywhere, but we can’t find her.” Eddie started crying, Richie holding him close to his chest.

Mike stepped forward, grabbing Richie by the shoulders. “We’ll find her. She can’t have gone too far. She’s probably in the bathroom.” 

“O-oh, yeah. The bathroom.” He only sounded half-convinced, but Richie and Eddie would take anything to put their minds at ease.

“W-we were gi-given fortune c-c-cookies,” Bill suggested quietly.

Everyone sat back at the table, avoiding looking at the empty chair between Eddie and Richie. They all picked up a cookie, one still sitting in the bowl.

They all cracked theirs open, each finding a single piece of paper. 

“The hell? Mine just says ‘Time” Richie murmured, the cookies really not distracting him from the disappearance of his daughter.

The others all looked at their fortunes, not noticing Eddie’s shaking hands and terrified expressions.

“W-wait. Give me y-y-your paper.” Bill said as the Losers put their papers down. All except Eddie.

They scuffled about, finding that their words formed a sentence. 

“Oh shit. Oh, fuck!” Richie yelled, seeing the sentence forming. He looked over at his husband, begging him for the paper. Eddie held it tighter, but upon seeing the desperate look on his love's face, he placed the paper down.

Tears streamed down his face, as the other saw what was on his paper.

Bye Bye Stuttering Y/N! Time To Float!

“No. No. This isn’t fucking happening. We have to go get her.” Richie stood from his seat, Eddie following.

“No!” Mike yelled. “There’s something we have to do first.” 

***

You were floating, but they couldn’t do anything, not yet. First, they had to kill that fucking clown. It hurt Richie and Eddie to just leave you there, floating above the ground, almost dead.

“Hey, fuckface! You wanna play truth or dare? Here’s a truth; You’re a sloppy bitch! Yeah, that’s right. Let’s dance! Yippee-kay-yay motherfuc-” Everyone watched as Richie got caught in the deadlights.

Eddie screamed, but not a frightful scream, it was more of a “back off my husband you bitch” scream. He ran forward, throwing the pole Bev had gave him as hard as possible. It struck Pennywise in the mouth, sending IT backwards, ending up impaled on one of the spikes.

Richie fell to the ground, breathing heavily. What the fuck had he just seen?

Eddie came crashing down on top of him, straddling Richie’s waist. Not an uncommon position for them, but that wasn’t relevant right now. Eddie leaned down, grabbing Richie’s face and slamming their lips together.

Richie closed his eyes, melting as he always did when Eddie kissed him. His eyes opened, however, when the salty taste of Eddie’s lips became metallic. Richie froze, not even flinching when Eddie splurted blood onto his face.

“R-Richie?” Eddie spoke softly, blood trickling down his chin. The pain in his eyes matched that of Richie’s heart. Richie couldn’t look down, because he knew what he would see if he let his eyes travel.

And then he remembered, the first time he had entered this fucking house. The first time he lost Eddie. That fucking demonic version of his love. The fucking black shit that had flowed from his mouth. That image that was identical to this. That motherfucking clown who had planned everything to be like this.

“Eddie? Eddie, love?” His pleas were useless, as Eddie was pulled away from him, and flung about by the clown who ruined every fucking good thing he’d ever had.

IT threw Eddie from its claw, sending him towards the ground, right beneath where you were floating. Fuck, he couldn’t do this.

But he had to.

For Eddie.

And for you.

***

Richie got up from beside Eddie, who was barely alive at this point, but Richie could always see the life in his eyes. Eddie watched him leave through the dancing black spots in his vision. 

He could feel the familiar fabric of Richie’s jacket in his hands and found one of his hands in the pocket. His hand brushed against what felt like paper, and with as much strength as he had, slid it out of the jacket.

Unfolding it slowly, he saw a pencil drawing, one that you had done as a very young child. It was of the three of you, smiling, and for a toddler’s drawing, it was extremely good. You had labelled each person, though it was obvious who was who.

Up the top, in messy crayon handwriting, were the words “I love my daddies.” with two pink hearts sloppily drawn at both ends of the sentence.

“I love you too, baby”

[shesawriter39049]

|ROLL DEEP|M| P.1

                 *Yoongi centered fic with a shared OT7 plot*

CH.1.1   CH. 1.2

**Operation: What’s eating blue!?***

_________________________________________________________

“Stop, this stopped being a you, thing and became a us thing  the minute we chose to show up here tonight! You gave us an out and we stayed...we will always stay...”

1.2 K Sneak Peek

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Sugar baby AU/Suspense/Smut/Angst/Roomate AU/FWB AU

WC: 7K

Nonsexual Warnings: Mentions of drug use (Molly/weed/)Strong language/ Alcohol addictions/ brief mentions/ speculations of domestic violence/abuse

Sexual Warnings: Oral (M & F receiving) power bottom Min Yoongi, cum play, breath play, spanking, dirty talk, Slight overestimation, sex toys (Cock rings....) Semi-public sex (A chill little blow job in the car) The sexual warnings are for both parts of CH.1 so the smut is split in half!

NOTE:  Just to clarify the dynamic Yoongi and the OC are roommates who hookup on the side, they are BOTH sugar babies to two separate people! So yes, that would imply that Yoongi and some of the other boys who are also sugar babies are Bi. There is no MxM but there is mentions of it occasionally….as well as some harmless ot7 flirting! Also all of the boys are introed, Tae and Joon just play a lager part here!

_______________________________________________

I guess, fuck where do we even start? Maybe, will go back to where it all technically started, which was the last time things felt...somewhat normal yeah?

So, that would be...hmm...about 2 weeks shy of you heading into Junior year at USC right? The day your boys picked you up at the airport, and the three of your treated Blue, aka TaeTae to brunch!?

Well, wait let’s back track a little it all started much eariler than that, because you weren’t even aware of your brunch plans until later in the day. So Initially the day in question kicks of with you, in oversized blacked out CHLOE shades, hungover as fuck, sat in at the airport one Sunday afternoon. Smack dab in the middle of Terminal 6, in a bar called Blu2o sipping on a Bloody Mary, scrolling aimlessly through Snapchat. While simotaniously being told for the very first time ...that you’ll be attending a “Haute Couture”  themed charity auction...on Tuesday! Yup,  the day after tomorrow! Thank god he can’t see your damn face right now, biting down on your straw to muzzle yourself!

“No, babe it’s fine, I’ll just hit Rodeo tomorrow morning, and I’m sure my nail and lash girl can fit me-Oh you...haven’t gotten... what ...your wearing either?” Parroting the words back In slow motion as if it would make the words sound better or something!

Oh for fucks sake! Bringing your forehead flush to the marble bartop already feeling a full blown migraine brewing at the nape of your neck. Giving yourself a couple moments to self compose, this man is so damn unorganized it’s unfucking real. His personal assistant better be the 2nd highest paid person within his entire company because…..This is far from new, I don’t even know why your suprised and I’d say you don’t get paid enough for this....but ya do! So you suck it up, lose the attitude and slip right into your “Yes sir” or maybe I should say ‘Yes daddy” voice.

“Don’t worry about it, I know your busy. I totally get it, your a 28 waist right? Of course, I remember...I remember everything you tell me….Ohhh your gonna let me put you in color too???” Eyes flickering up to the notification from your bank, noting a cute little 12k wire pending.

“Yeah, no, I see it, that should be good. I was thinking Versace or Cavili for you anyway...they have good prints to fit the theme, and if all else fails I have my card too…yup..just landed about..hmm... 30 minutes ago actually. Of course, stop apologizing, Sunday's are always your golf days, I get it, hey, tell the guys I said hi and enjoy your day. Text me later if you feel up to it..k....bye..”

Were you actually getting a little flustered there towards the end? It's the slight accent, isn't it? Honestly, it didn't take much for you to slip into “character” with him, even after barely being together a full month. For one he wasn’t an asshole, had a decent sense of humor, and he’s really fuckin hot...however there was one, little, well shit, not so little issue...you noticed while with him recently. Which, then sparked quite a few questions while also answering some that had been rattling through your head since the day you met. But will circle back to the fact that you spent a week on vacation with a man, while dressed in some of the sexiest pieces of 2019 couture! Yet..you barely got touched once outside of a couple chaste kisses and hand-holding while at the two fashion shows you attended together… so, yeah, yeah!

A low groan in frustration rattled from your throat as you continued scrolling through Snapchat, trying to come up with some possible outfit scenarios in your head! It’s kinda funny, how mynute all of that seems now though, how your definition of “Stress” that day was you trying to decide if your sugar daddy was gay, while also  finding time to fit in a self-care day, shopping, and getting your books for school!!  The fact that, that was what you considered migraine worthy, fuck, what you wouldn’t give to consider multitasking your only maltitude of “stress” again …..

Just in your own little world, mind swirling with a couple of stylists you’ve met along the way, considering the idea of them pulling some vintage pieces for you instead!  What you should be doing, is scrolling through your contact list and texting said stylists, instead you find yourself more and more distracted.  Getting lost in the mounds of snap updates from Jimin as he “modestly” sunbathed in a private villa in Italy. Then later sharing a glimpse into his shopping spree from Versace, no doubt a good 20k worth of Italian luxury spread out along the plush white sheets. Sending him a cheeky little “That’s my boy” with a couple of smug winky faces in response!

It’s still kinda crazy to think, things like that are considered normal within your world now, the fact that you aren’t even surprised at the number of gifts. Or, simply the fact that your barley 21-year-old best friend is sunbathing in Italy on someone else’s dime. Then again, you just got sent 12 thousand dollars to spend on an event that would last maybe all of 5 hours, while sitting next to a stack of Louis Vuittion luggage from your first class flight in from Vegas, technically. Opting to land there first after a long 15-hour flight, checking in at The Four Seasons for not even a solid 24 hours before coming home! Honestly?There was no real reason for the pit stop except it gave you an excuse to see a friend while also allowing you to unwind in one of your favorite hotels!

That sentence alone is actually absurd when you really think about it, the idea of you casually booking flights and suites in 5-star hotels as if you’re ordering off the damn dollar menu at Mcdonalds! You, the girl that was working two jobs at the Groove and mourning a piece of shit cheating ex boyfriend her freshman year of college.....is now reminiscing about catching flights to chill with friends and last minute finding dresses for Couture themed galas.Like, what the actual fuck is life.... Oh my bad, life at the moment is constantly being paranoid that you and your friends will get arrested! Life in this moment however...was a fucking perfect!

The friend you where meeting in Vegas was Hoseok by the way, the redhead was currently vacationing in Sin City for the next couple of days, typically residing in LA as well. Just Chillin’ before the semester starts, living his best life, which revolves around “OFF-WHITE'' shopping sprees, private dance lessons, and constantly taking thirst trap pics for his 10’s of thousands of followers online. He randomly texts you saying “I miss your face” you text him saying “I land at 8 tonight bring a bottle and sushi to room 605 at The Four Seasons hotel '' Simple!

Your initial flight, the one that was 15 hours, was originally from Paris, where you spent the last week or so with Jeong-su, being arm candy, sipping wine, sightseeing and of course shopping!. Barley 32 hours ago your Snapchat looked pretty damn similar, if not worse in comparison to Jimin’s but what can I say, you can’t be in the home of Givenchy and Gaulthier and not go to Givenchy and Gaultier!

What your life is, what you and your friends do, I mean, I think it’s safe to say it’s pretty self-explanatory yeah? The average 20 something-year-old in college isn't flying themselves out of the country or going luxury shopping without a little help. In your case, it’s typically thanks to a person you commonly refer to as “Daddy” now, the context behind the word however….is where you and your friends may differ from others…..

But that’s your business, your concern and more importantly your choice, and honestly for a while life seemed too damn good to be true...I guess looking back on it now, I guess that’s because it kinda was!

Sat at the predominantly empty bar alone, more than content by the silence, twirling your straw between your lips, as you scanned back over the shit show that was your schedule for the semester! Getting more of a migraine from that, then shopping or even the fact that you're still hungover and drinking on an empty stomach at half-past 12. Shooting a quick text to your redheaded best friend cursing him out for getting you drunk off your ass on a bottle of Yamazaki 12.

“Can I get anything else for you beautiful? Another drink or maybe an appetizer? We have damn good loaded queso fries if I do say so myself!” Waving the menu in your face playfully, the warm, inviting voice in front of you was the bartender, who’s had his eye on you since you swayed in. Even if you looked like crap for your standards you knew to most you were the farthest thing from it as you swayed into the bar like you owned the place. In your heels, and tiny little black dress, while an airport assistant trolied in your luggage behind you! Ohhh Blair  Waldorf would without a doubt be proud!

“Mmmm…” Lips pursed in a slight pout as you raked over the menu, honestly, you were hungry and they have bomb ass fried pickles…..”Actually, yeah, I’ll get-”

“ 3 tall shots of whatever top-shelf Tequila you have, also add whatever she’s been drinking to my tab, along with an order of fried pickles with extra ranch…please and thank you!” Smoothly sliding his black card, and ID across the marble bartop for review.

Oh.

The look on the bartender’s face was fucking priceless, torn between shitting himself and maybe….nah, just straight shitting himself! Skin flushed, the sense of panic was clear as day,  wondering if he’d overstepped that fine line between customer service and filtration. Considering whoever the person behind you is, clearly knows you well enough to know your food order. A forced bashful smile playing along his lips as he bowed out in acknowledgment, sliding the gentelmen back is ID and whispering out a faint “Yes sir, coming right up…”

The base vibrating through your ears instantly had you readjusting your posture, a strong tingle running down your spine, back arching ever so slightly. A playful smirk playing along your lips as you slowly laced your tongue back around your staw, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“You sure you wanna do that? My tastes are pretty expensive..” Tone blatantly flirtatious, yet you still hadn’t bothered to even turn around, that’s when suddenly you hear a deep arrogant chuckle rumbling low in his chest. Only...this sounds a little brighter? And like it’s coming from your left instead of behind you…

“Mmm, I’m sure we can handle it baby….”

You could feel the air shift behind you, it felt warmer, and there was a strong mix of scents flooding through your nose. Leaning back in your seat, pleasantly finding your shoulders, the back of your neck, and your head, cradled against a lean wall of silk. Sighing contently, naturally letting your body melt into his frame, nose running into your face as you smiled so hard your cheeks hurt. That’s when a gangle of veiny, porcelain limbs wrapped around your shoulders pulling you even tighter against him, only to find brown, sharp, cat-like eyes staring down at you, though a pair of translucent designer shades. Seemingly a little bit amused at how excited you are to see him. Long dark wavy locks falling messily into his face, a tiny silver hoop dawning his button nose. Tongue playing at the corner of his mouth, letting the tiny silver ball slip between his lips. This angle lets you really appreciate how sharp, yet soft his features were, an oxymoron that honestly makes no damn sense unless you see him in person….jawline sharp enough to cut glass yet he has the cutest cheeks ever when he smiles. It honestly makes no sense whatsoever and he’s one of the many reasons you have trust issues. Well, that and your line of work, considering the number of men you find out are married and still try and sneak around with you.

Then, as if to just make his presence known, there’s another pair of hands making their home along your body, gently squeezing your thigh. Except, he’s polar opposite to the person I just described, the man behind you is your roommate Yoongi, the man who just took a seat to your left, is your other roommate Namjoon! First off, he’s tall as all hell, and an offensively perfect shade of brown, he can’t even go into the burbs without being asked what self-tanner he uses. In which he smugly replies “Genetics” letting them sit there and try and google said company that makes that brand of self-tan. Streams of meticulously placed colored neo-traditional tattoos paint his skin, accompanied by deep dimples, and bleach blonde hair styled into an undercut, sides buzzed into the perfect fade.

“So you gonna get up and give me a real hug or what???”  Placing a kiss in your hair as he pulled back, giving you room to hop out of your seat and right into his arms.

The Full thing is coming soon, this is from summer 2019, I just have to edit, and reread the full thing again! I also wrote the first 3 parts all at once..sooo if your exicted show this some love anddddddddd come let me know!

Love you as always,

Rocki

[altarflame]

Let me give you this real country music breakdown.

Keeping in mind that 2019 involved lots of gut wrenching transition, including divorce and selling my home of 11 years (the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere). Moving away from the tropics, to a place where the ocean is usually too far and my plants can’t live outside through the winter. I had a kid move out and away, for the first time.   My oldest friend also died last August, after a scant 3 month long battle with cancer. It was a real plague upon my proverbial dog, wife, and pickup truck. And, of course, I’m living through a pandemic, and a long overdue but very emotional racial justice uprising, with the rest of you, now. Anyway. OTHER than those things, my 2020 has been like...My sister’s gradually, gut wrenchingly cut off all contact with me over the past couple of years, culminating in the last couple of months, whenst we no longer speaketh at all. I’ve fought hard for this to be different and it’s still very sharp. I don’t think I’ll ever give up hope, or stop making a fool of myself about it. A new friend I was starting to really care about hung herself in April. I’ve tried to be there for her husband and 5 year old daughter when and how I can, which is honestly not much. I’ve taken several people who were scared to go alone, to her grave.  I felt forced to break up with the person I thought was my soul mate, these past 3 years, and wanted to be with forever, and I have grieved it hard over the last couple of months. I’m still processing this. I’m gonna be processing this for awhile. My threshold for being anywhere near him without overwhelming sobbing is apparently approximately 45 seconds. In the beginning we were scrambled together, mixed in a celestial bowl and hand fluffed with a feather. And the tears of bliss were not amiss - it was a good day.  But the story nears the present time Of restlessness and wake up calls Wake up! Years have flown fast but then who's counting The wars have been won but there's few left standing between us And the shadows of Christmas past... Critically acclaimed but sadly underrated - Fortune definitely favored us, but no one celebrated. Our wits were splitting at their ends... We gazed upon the city lights We each laughed aloud one final time and agreed: This is one thing we'll miss... On his way out, he sabotaged my part time foster child’s mom’s tenuous, fragile relationship with me, so I no longer have the ability to connect with or help that child who he brought into my life. Who I love and wonder about and periodically hear horror stories about via mutual friends. I bent over backwards, I burned calories straining for that trust between the mom and myself.  

It’s so terrible sometimes. It hurts so bad. Jean-Paul. LAURA.   *MILLS*  . Coralye. FUCK. This post brought to you with plenty of hard crying, and no shortage of echoing painful music. I’m physically sick about this shit semi often.  I don’t normally let go of anybody, guys. But certainly not my fucking nearest and dearest.  I have a lot. I have SO MUCH. I know this. I feel good a lot of the time.  I have all 5 of my kids under this roof while the pandemic rages on, and they’re all healthy and beautiful and they all love me and talk with me. It’s mostly all cake these days with them, Elise telling me where she is in her own solitary reading for pleasure, Ananda cracking me up, Jake biking to the grocery store for treats to share, Aaron showing me something amazing in the yard, Isaac washing dishes and giving me weirdly helpful and totally unanticipated advice. They’re almost no work now, it’s all return on investment and I have tons of privacy and I use the fuck out of it.  I’m deeply in love with somebody these past 7 months. Being deeply in new love AND devastated-heartbroken about lost love at the same time is honestly dizzying, I spent a first destitute day thinking maybe I can’t do polyamory anymore, period. Maybe this is too fucking much and I’m gonna be alone and focus on my career and my goddamned plants. (<--not fucking really, obv I am not gonna let the pain win and go full hermit. Brief compelling temptation, though.) My career and my plants are great, btw, thanks for asking. I’ve got basically my dream job, it’s flexible and lackadaisical AND meaningful and challenging, it’s salaried with bonuses and hella benefits and amazing job security. It’s the whole thing, the culmination of 6 years in school and unpaid internships and volunteering. I even have a spare PRN position elsewhere that I mostly hang on to because it’s fun when they want me to come make $200 for a shift, to mix it up a little.  And I have solo projects, writing and web and mental health, all in the works, and they’re good.  I have seedlings sprouting. I have a yard that is pure magic, revealing new secrets each day.  I’ve got some of my oldest people, like Jess. I’ve got some exciting new people, like Jill.  The love, did I mention it? Holy shit. I’ve got Sterling, and that is a whole other story. That it’s been this good while things are this bad is pretty astounding. His own drama quotient has been off the charts, too. I almost can’t imagine how wonderful it would be if we weren’t constantly adrift in a sea of bullshit, though I also strongly suspect we both need a certain staggering minimum quota of bullshit. It’s no accident that we met mutually chasing along after the wake of the same madman’s chaos. We’re nursing some deep wounds in each other, waking up some old old hurts and soothing them back down smaller and smaller. Anytime we’re touching it’s either syrupy soma sweet, blazing inferno hot, or a staggering blend of the two - and then we pull apart to try to actually speak with whole brains, and inevitably take turns being baffled, just hilariously relieved, at how easy it is to communicate. We alternate coming at each other on tiptoe, braced, and then feeling confused and just.... amused? Skeptical? that the other is totally able to empathize with what was just said and is accepting it gently.  We don’t have a ton of objective stuff in common, on paper. We’re both very wordy and linguistic, we’re analyzers, we draw unusual people who will feel safe telling us insane things. We’re both hypersexual perverts, chronic pickers, we both wear too much black. It doesn’t go a lot further than that at a glance. We both have PTSD and ironclad outward facing coping skills, nostalgia for the Florida Keys, scientific skepticism mixed with some faith in magic.... we were both brilliant children who felt pretty isolated. But I haven’t ever really felt like anyone is loving me the way I love people, before. I’ve never even felt like anyone else received my love, the same way I intended it, or at least not all of it. It’s like the intensity of what I’m conveying and meaning when I kiss somebody’s cheek, I dunno man, he experiences it. The goofy flowing sense I have, of holding hands, he comments on it all the time. I’m not just like.... alone, in my overwhelm with being touched, or my enthusiasm for sensations, and that is honestly pretty new to me. Sterling is not tolerating my affection for my sake, and I’m still gradually adapting to that with periodic backsliding into hesitance, and unneeded apologies. It’s like we’re totally fluent in the precise same love language, so nothing gets lost, and the feedback loop is instantaneous.  He’s dark inside, but dark like Nine Inch Nail’s A Warm Place. Dark like the womb.  So as I was saying. I have so much. Including a candle that’s about Mills, and is burning behind me, giving me this slipping sense that I need to blow it out, I need to reserve it, it’s gonna be gone soon. This one spans so many feelings, it’s been positive, some new candle would be what, voodoo? Meddling? I don’t know. This one’s been in a drawer, with our ring buried in it (my dragon). What will I do with that ring? What will I do with all this love?  How can I contain so much, anyway? Why can’t anything ever replace anything else? It’s like infinite space, and the empty places just keep throbbing, and it’s like I sprout new spots for new fullness and the cavities pulse on.  I’m deeply grateful for a certain self-completeness I’ve come to understand that I have, and that not everyone does. I am resiliant A-motherfucking-F (<--meta vulgar!). AND YET. OW OW OW.  I’m sitting here trying to exposure therapy my way through my Mills playlist, as I write this, so Spotify can’t surprise me into sads anymore. I’ve gotten already to a place where sometimes i remember positive things purely positively, and laugh and tell a story and it’s ok. I’m bitter as all hell that I can’t even talk to my sister about this breakup, after she had so many stupid goddamned feelings about the relationship itself, about polyamory in general, about ever knowing him (which might have allowed her to help me grieve at all).  Sigh. I love the internet, maybe feel free to send me a message if you’re still reading, whoever the fuck you are <3

[et-lesailes]

foreign

pairing: ari levinson (chris evans in red sea diving resort, 2019) x reader

themes: light angst, fluff

word count: 2100

summary: you are visiting family in the capital of sudan, and while shopping in the marketplace for groceries, you are approached by a group of intimidating men and women around the same age as you. they are beginning to harass you more and more until thankfully, a handsome man comes to your rescue, even offering to stay with you while you finish up your shopping.

taglist: @viarogers, @evanstush, @chibi-crazy, @chalamet-evans, @world-of-losers, @songforhema

note: requested by anonymous // this was really cool to write in that it was nice to touch a little on more social issues! tbh i used my own experiences with my ethnicity and traveling for this fic, so that was pretty reflective for me to incorporate. hope you guys enjoy this!

** please send an ask if you would like to be added to my taglist of any chris evans related fics!

You looked around the semi crowded food market  somewhat nervously, now regretting that you didn’t ask your brother to come with you. You hated feeling this way in your own native country, but as a half Sudanese, half Caucasian female, you stuck out in Khartoum, the capital of Sudan and where your father’s parents resided. Having been born and raised in the United States, it was easy for you to forget that the simple act of grocery shopping was, unfortunately, not so simple here. You felt everyone’s eyes on you, both men and women alike-- staring at your outfit that practically screamed you were American, either giving you judgmental glances or… creepy ones. 

You tried to focus on the kinder citizens around you, relieved that at least some were giving you welcoming smiles; all you had to do was buy some fresh vegetables for dinner and walk back to your grandparents’ house-- it was practically right across the street. You’d be okay. Making your way to one of the stands, you smiled as you gazed upon the variety of produce before you, using the opportunity to actually take in the culture surrounding you. You genuinely appreciated your background and ethnicity, and you loved having the privilege of visiting the country your own father grew up in.  

Unfortunately, you were soon brought out of your reverie, interrupted by a small group hovering a little too close to you. You tried to believe they were simply checking out the fruits and vegetables before you, but you soon started to realize it was you they were checking out. Barely turning your head to try and sneak a more proper glance at them, you were slightly shocked to see that there were also a couple of girls within the small horde of twenty something year old men staring you down. Why weren’t they saying anything? Their amused smirks sickened you; did they support this unnecessary ogling? Feeling unsettled, you moved to a different stand, silently praying they wouldn’t follow. When they did, you felt yourself internally panicking. You started focusing on the potatoes in front of you a little too intently, hoping that they’d decide you were far too boring and not worth their time. Instead, you felt a rough hand squeeze your waist in an attempt to get your attention, your eyes immediately widening. “Hey!” you exclaimed, turning around now met face to face with one of the men, trying not to look as nervous as you felt. “Don’t touch me…”

"What's wrong? You don't want to get your pretty clothes dirty by our filthy hands?" one of the girls jeered at you, and you looked at her shocked, slowly shaking your head incredulously. "No, I'd just rather not be grabbed by a stranger," you couldn't help but defend yourself; you were scared, but you would still stand up for yourself, and you at least felt a little better that you were in a public place. "Oh come on," the other girl scoffed, "we know your type. You think you're better than us. It's written all over your face."

"Now, now," the same man who grabbed you chuckled lowly before you could even reply, "be a little nicer to the little tourist, girls. She's cute, so I definitely have no issues with her." You frowned and stepped away from him, glaring at all of them trying to look as fearless as possible. "I'm really not interested, and my family lives right across the street, so please leave me alone." The girl laughed, only firing in return, "Oh, are you going to cry to Mommy and Daddy? Come on, a little foreigner like you doesn't know how to have some fun? So boring." You narrowed your eyes slightly, starting to get more heated until one of the other boys came up to you from behind, grabbing your waist and pulling you to his body. "That's okay, we can teach her." He spoke with a devious tone, and your anger slipped off your face, fading into an expression of more anxiety upon feeling his hands hold you so tightly. "Stop it! Let go of me!" you tried speaking loudly in order to catch the attention of other market goers, but your voice was drowned out by the music, your presence barely noticeable amongst the bustling crowds too focused on their shopping needs. You were about to have a full on panic attack as the man started pulling you along with him, but you suddenly felt him stumble backwards with a somewhat violent jerk, almost falling down along with him-- until a pair of arms caught you, helping you straighten back up.

"Hey! You heard her, leave her the fuck alone!" You looked up with slightly wide eyes, seeing an older man with somewhat shaggy brown hair accompanied with a rather scruffy beard. He was staring down the group of delinquents with stern eyes, somewhat reminding you of the demeanor of a disappointed and upset dad. "Get out of here, all of you. This is a marketplace for God's sake, there are children here-- have some class." You exhaled in relief as the group gave both of you one last scowl before turning around and walking away, grumbling under their breaths what you were sure were countless obscenities and curses aimed towards you. Returning your attention to your savior, you gave him a small smile, though somewhat cautious-- your brain was on alert mode now, making you slightly paranoid that he may have only saved you to have you for himself. However, a mere few more seconds of looking at him told your instinct otherwise, seeing the concern and even gentleness in his sharp eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked you, turning to face you properly, and you nodded your head only just now realizing your heart was racing. "Yeah, just a little shaken up," you admitted, taking a deep breath but giving him a more thankful smile. "Thank you. So much. I-- I'm not used to being here, if you couldn't tell." You could not help but be interested by him; he did not appear to be Sudanese, given his light colored skin, but considering you did not exactly look neither African nor Caucasian, you could not assume. 

He chuckled lowly, running a hand through his hair. "No worries. It can be difficult the first time here." He looked at you for a few moments, almost as if thinking deeply, before holding his hand out. "I'm Ari. If you want me to accompany you while you're shopping here, I'd be more than happy to." You couldn't help but feel slightly touched at his kind offer, immediately nodding hopefully as you placed your hand in his and introduced yourself. "I would really like that, actually. Thank you..." 

_____________________________

How this man named Ari Levinson had gone from saving you from borderline sexual harassment at a marketplace to sitting at the dining table of your grandparents' home, you had no idea, but you could not say you were displeased with this. He had showed you all types of foods you had never even heard of before, resulting in him helping you carry said foods you couldn't help but buy, resulting in your naturally hospitable grandparents immediately inviting him to stay for dinner. As you all ate dinner together, you learned he was in Sudan for work, though he was rather vague when it came to explaining what it was that he did. However, you did not miss the discreet look he gave you, somehow understanding that he was silently telling you he would explain later. Overall, he was fun to talk to, and he had several interesting stories about all the places he had traveled to-- you could tell your family was impressed, as well, and even your generally overprotective brother had to admit he liked the guy, especially because of what he had done at the market. 

Dinner was soon over and you knew Ari would have to get back to his hotel; you were sad to see him go, but you supposed you couldn't have expected the two of you to be permanent friends after one encounter in a country thousands of miles away from your own. "I'll walk you out," you told him as you forced a smile, waiting until he and your family were done with their goodbyes before heading out the door with him. "Thanks again for everything," you spoke softly, looking up into his blue hues with a more genuine smile, barely nibbling on your lip. "This was a lot of fun tonight." He smiled down at you, and while you had taken into account hours ago that he was quite attractive, he looked even more handsome under the moonlit sky, the twinkle in his eyes even more illuminated than before. "Thank you for having me. Your family is so kind," he replied before sighing softly, looking around then bringing his attention back to you. "About earlier... I can't tell too many people-- hell, I actually wasn't even supposed to tell you my real name. But I couldn't help myself. You just seem trustworthy. I dunno, call it a gut instinct kinda thing." You looked at him in surprise, now wondering if you had somehow befriended a criminal on the run, a prison escapee-- your thoughts were getting ahead of you and this was apparently written all over your face as he let out a little scoff of amusement. "Easy there, I'm not dangerous. Well, not to you, anyways," he said with a playful wink, and you hated yourself for blushing. "Okay, then what is it? Should I even trust that Ari Levinson is your real name?" you teased, partly in an attempt to distract him from seeing the red on your cheeks. It didn't seem to work, however, as he suddenly reached down to caress your cheek, a low chuckle escaping his lips. "It is. I can't really bring myself to lie to you, for some damn reason, when lying is basically a part of my job." Lowering his voice to a whisper, he continued, "I'm an agent. I'm here in Sudan on a mission I unfortunately really can't go into detail on, and I came to Khartoum for a couple nights to get more supplies for said mission." Your face must have been amusing to him because he suddenly laughed, stroking a strand of your hair behind your ear. "Do you think I'm making all of this up? I swear, I'm not... I can show you my ba-"

"No, no," you quickly cut him off; sure, showing you his badge would have only taken two seconds, but you felt a strange, overwhelming sense of trust for this man you had met only hours ago, and you wanted him to know that. "I believe you. I promise. I just..." you trailed off, somewhat shy to keep going, but upon seeing his expectant look, you did. "I'm going to miss you. I really liked spending time with you today. I-- I don't know, it's so weird but I just feel like I've known you for years." He was listening to you intently, a smile crossing his lips as he stepped closer to you. "You don't have to miss me," he murmured, cocking his head, "Do you have your phone on you? Mine died." You blinked and shook your head, frowning. "I left it inside, let me go--"

"No. I don't want you to leave." He cut you off, not even realizing the blush that had returned on your cheeks because of his words because he was too occupied looking around for something. Grinning, he suddenly picking up a stick and walking over to a nearby patch of dirt. Scratching a series of numbers into it, he looked to you with a charming smile, arching an eyebrow. "Better get your phone and save that fast, doll, before the wind or some animal messes it up. But first." He came back over to you, suddenly taking your waist in his large hands and pulling you to his body, pressing his lips against yours in a passionate kiss. You kissed him back happily, smiling against his lips while wrapping your arms around his neck; you were more than ready to take it further, your mind too hazy to even realize you were standing outside your grandparents' home, for God's sake-- until he suddenly pulled back, the same mischievous grin on his face. "I'll come see you tomorrow before I leave, pretty girl. We can continue this then. Until then, you better dream of me tonight." He gave you another rough but brief kiss, then moved his lips to your forehead in a more tender peck before walking off, leaving you speechless, breathless, frustrated, yet ecstatic at the same time.

[mccnyoongi]

fic teaser ⇢ buttercup

⇢ pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

⇢ genre: smut + slight angst

⇢ au: college!au, fwb!au, stoner!yoongi, asshole!yoongi, fwb to lovers trope

⇢ expected word count: ~10k

⇢ warnings: smut, kind of a slowburn, recreational use of drugs & alcohol, dirty talk, degradation, ridiculously excessive use of pet names, fingering, lots of casual sex talk, reader and jimin are slutty besties, dom!Yoongi, cursing, unprotected sex, semi-public and public stuff, slight dumbification (whoops), hair pulling, breathplay, reader has a thing for Yoongi’s hands because who doesn’t, reader and yoongi are both sarcastic and oblivious, etc. 

⇢ official release date: september 4th 2019, 10:45 pm est !!

⇢ synopsis: Min Yoongi wears leather jackets, fucks you like he hates you, spends most of his days on the wrong side of a blunt, and calls you the sweetest names when no one else is around. And you definitely aren’t falling in love with him.

⇢ author’s note: here’s the teaser for my first fic !! thank u for all the love from posting my first drabble to the announcement of this fic <3 im super excited abt this and all the future pieces ive been planning

If there was a magic lantern hidden somewhere on the campus of this university, you’d find it and your first wish would be to make it so that no one found out about this whole illicit affair you’ve been having with Min Yoongi. The secrecy was fun, sexy like you guys had a whole Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing going on. Or something. Your second wish would be to make his dick vibrate. 

But then he just had to go and go down on you in a bathroom during a party at the Beta Tau Rho house, not even a month into the fall semester, knowing you wouldn’t be able to be quiet or subtle at all. And he was so smug about it too, the fucker.

You can still feel the embarrassment buzzing under the surface of your cheeks from when you walked out that bathroom door and a dozen frat boys and mutual friends of yours and Yoongi’s were out there, waiting for the two of you to emerge and giving you a round of applause when you did. Yoongi had just laughed and rolled his eyes before leading you to the kitchen to get the pair of you some drinks. He’s always been particularly good at brushing that shit off of his shoulder. You aren’t, but you’re pretty good at pretending.

Maybe you should have ended it all that night. Of course, you didn’t. You figured, hey,  you’re young and in school so fuck making good decisions. Of course, the fact that no other guy has ever been able to dick you down nearly as well as Min Yoongi can is probably a huge contributing factor. 

Sure he might be grumpy, and sarcastic, and he tries way too hard to look cool and nonchalant, but he’s also the first guy to ever make you squirt. And you’re pretty sure that the way he waxes poetic about your pussy would make even Shakespeare swoon. So maybe the pros outweigh the cons, but only just.

“I can’t believe you’ve been getting Yoongi dick for almost three full months and haven’t divulged every single detail and vein to me, you cold, uncaring bitch-” Jimin’s voice is far too loud for the student-run coffee shop the two of you regulared every Sunday; a tradition that Jimin always insisted upon. He loves his traditions almost as much as he loves destroying any personal boundaries between the two of you.

“Keep going Park, see if I ever buy your coffee again.”

“Don’t change the subject,” You can’t say you’re surprised that Jimin is reacting like this. Self-proclaimed ‘disaster bisexual,’ Jimin was one of the very first friends you made back when you were a shy, barely functioning freshman. 

He actually introduced you to all his frat brothers, and a large number of the people you now call your friends. Including Yoongi, whose dick seems to be a reoccurring topic between you and… most people you know. Even if they weren’t at that dumb party, Jungkook made sure that every living being that stepped onto campus was aware of the newly found out fuckbuddies.

“We don’t keep anything from each other, Y/N,” He’s whining over his coffee now, full lips perched in that pretty pout that he regularly uses to his advantage. “I even told you about that time I puked on Namjoon’s dick in our second year!”

“Mmm, and I wish you hadn’t told me, Minnie-” The visual still haunts you, but Jimin has never had any predilections when it came to oversharing, especially not with people who have the misfortune of being his best friends. “‘Sides, I didn’t figure it was important, the whole Yoongi thing-”

“His dick, you mean.”

“Because it’s not like we’re getting married,” You carefully ignore him, a useful habit you’ve picked up three years into being his friend. “Just sex, remember?”

“So fucking what? You told me how you sucked Jeon’s cock in a movie theatre less than twelve hours after it happened-” You take a large gulp of your own iced coffee to busy yourself when the shameful memory is brought up. Not shameful because of the promiscuity of the act, no you’re an adult, thank you very much, but rather because of the boy you performed them on. Jeon Jungkook is now more of an annoying younger brother to you than anything. Not to mention he’s got a giant mouth that couldn’t keep a secret even if it killed him.

“Jesus you could’ve picked any other example-” You groan out as Jimin smirked, receiving the exact reaction from you he wanted. You think you’d have learned by now. “I’m sorry, okay? You big baby.”

“Hey, you’re on thin ice,” He points an accusatory finger at you and you have to fight the urge to smack it out of your face. “Now you have to make it up to me.”

You sigh- Jimin can really be exhausting when you’re only half a medium coffee in. “And how do you expect me to do that, Park.”

“Dick details, fucking obviously,” He says it like you’re a moron for even asking. And maybe you are. “Well details in general, I guess. You know, the basics; length, girth, does he make you call him daddy, is he good- I mean he must be un-fucking-real if you’ve been bouncing on it for three goddamn months, you whore.”

“I’m not giving you measurements, Jimin, I’ve yet to take a tape measure to it- and stop assuming everyone has a daddy kink just ‘cause you do.”

“Okay, vanilla bitch. You’re lucky I already know he’s got a monster cock from that time he streaked at that post-mid-term party next year.”

“Then why’d you even ask?”

“To see if you’d tell me the truth. It was a test and you failed.”

“I may be a college student but you’re gonna have to threaten me with a little more than a failing grade to spook me,” You roll your eyes playfully- there’s no real threat in his words, there never is.

“You’re right, I’m sure you’d much rather be punished by Yoongi, huh?”

[jordanlahey]

“Wake Up.” (3)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader x Steve Harrington, Platonic!the party x reader

Summary: Y/n woke up in the middle of the road, having no idea where she is. Once she finds out where or more importantly when she is she just wants to go home or at least she did.

Warnings: language

Word Count:

A/n: bare with me and my slow ass posting I am working on a schedule! Request will be posted ASAP bare with me please!

Permanent: @doowneey , @m-a-t-91 @fuckthatfeeling , @jitterbuck , @ria132love @pvnk-bivch , @etherealmandi , @pri00r @5aftermidnight , @thisismysecrethappyplace @dtftheavengers , @straycuties9 , @lanijoyxo @fourtyninekirbygamzeegirl

WA: @ivana-franz , @helena-way07 , @asfyhcseryg 

Series Masterlist

You were awoken by the feeling of someone gently nudging you, your eyes fluttered open then you shoot up head butting the person who drew you out of your sleep. The two of you groan at the pain now growing in your heads. 

“Jesus!” Steve groaned “I’ll know next time not to wake you up.” 

“Shit I’m so sorry, are you alright?” You asked, you rubbed your forehead then looked at Steve with a sad expression. 

“Hey it’s okay, it's not that bad.” He looked at you but something told him that that wasn’t why you were sad. “You thought it was all a dream, huh?” There was a little bit of disappointment in his voice. 

“I don’t mean to sound horrible but I kind of did think I would wake up in my own bed and be in my own time with my parents and friends.” You sighed, you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. The doorbell rang snapping the two of you out of the silence, Steve got up to answer it and you were left alone feeling a bit guilty that you might have hurt his feelings. Nancy followed Steve up to his room and you hadn’t moved at all since he left. 

“Good morning Y/n, I brought you some clothes I figured you would prefer jeans.” She put the folded clothes down in front of you and you mumbled a thank you. They left you to get dressed and Steve explained to Nancy that you hoped this was all a dream. You met them downstairs and they gave you a friendly smile that you returned at you returned. “You look gorgeous Y/n, Do you wanna ride with Me and Johnathan or Steve?” Nancy had some kind of hint in her voice to make you go with Steve but that’s what you were going to do anyway. 

“I was going to go with Steve, it’s only fair.” You smile at the ground. ‘Since when did I become a giddy little school girl again?’ You thought to yourself.  “I’ll give the school a phone then what’s their number.” Nancy gave you the number for the school and you used Steve’s phone. “Hi, My daughter just recently moved to Hawkins and we’re hoping she could attend the school here? Her name is Y/n L/n she is 17… We’re hoping she could start today? Magic thank you very much.” You hung up and smiled at your new friends. “Piece of cake.” You shrugged happily and you walked out the front door, waving at Johnathan as you headed to what you assumed was Steve’s car.

Steve unlocked the car and you jumped in the passenger side, he followed not long behind. You looked out the window at some of the houses and some kinds on their way to school which brought a smile to your face, everyone knew each other.

“Are you feeling any better?” Steve’s voice pulled you out of your trance, you turned to look at him with a smile.

“I’m still confused but I don’t feel upset as I was this morning. I’m sorry if I offended you, it was not my intention.” 

“Pfft, I wasn’t offended. To be honest I would have hoped it would be a dream if I woke up in a totally different place.” He assured you. “What’s it like? In 2019 I mean.” You looked at him with a smile.

“Honestly it's a shithole and a mess.” You both broke into laughter. “I’m serious, 2019 has the shittiest music and it’s coping other decades like 80’s & 90’s mostly.” You slumped into the seat. 

���Kinda does sound like crap. All I can say is enjoy it here while you still can.” His voice got quieter as he spoke but you heard him, you nodded and looked out the window as Steve pulled up at the school. In silence the two of you climbed out of the car and headed towards the school. 

“So I’ll head to the principal's office and I’ll meet up with you, Nancy and or Johnathan.” You confirmed and Steve nodded giving you directions to the offices

You left the office with a smile then you looked down at your schedule. ‘Free first then English not so bad.’ You thought as you walk down the empty hall. You notice that the lights started flickering then the cut off and you heard it again.

“Y/n? Where are you!?” You stood still then looked around to find the person who the voice belonged to, well you know it’s Chloe’s but where is she? 

“Oi I’m talking to you.” An annoying voice cut you out and the lights were on again and the corridor was semi full. 

“Great what do you two want now.” You looked at Tommy and Carol with a bored expression, you were close to losing your patience with them. “Actually don’t answer that and let me make something clear.” You square up to the two of them. “Leave me the fuck alone or you two will be the next two missing but this time no one will fucking find you.” You threatened but they took the hint, you shoulder barged passed them and as you walked passed you wiped your nose, you hadn’t even noticed that you got a nose bleed and you hardly got those. Like you always do, you shrug it off and head to second period.  

“Class this is our new student Miss Y/n L/n, do your best to make her feel welcome.” You gave a slight awkward wave and the teacher directed you to a seat at the back of the class. Just how you liked it. You took this time to look at your surroundings: posters on the walls about English techniques and Shakespeare quotes, some students weren’t paying attention like the blue eyed mullet wearing man-whore who’s attention was on you. Billy smirked then winked at you earning him a scoff and an eye roll from you however it did make you smile a little bit but you know better than to mess around with guys like him some things never change. At the party Nancy told you about Billy and it’s not a surprise to you really, his whole demeanor screams confidence and that he can have anyone he wants. 

Before you knew it the bell rang for break and you packed your stuff and headed out the classroom as you walked out you felt weight on your shoulders literally, Billy threw his arm over your shoulders. 

“Hi, can I help you.” You turn your head to look up at him he looked down and smiled at you, not smirk smile. “Stop looking at me like that.” You mumble looking away and you heard him chuckle, as you walked you noticed all the girls giving you dirty looks and Billy still didn’t move his arm off you, you weren’t gonna lie it was kinda nice. Down the hall you saw a familiar head of hair and it made you feel a little warm inside. “Steve!” Steve turned around and his face dropped a little when he saw Billy’s arm around you. 

“H-hey Y/n.” Steve tried his best to ignore Billy but he just had to open his big ass mouth.

“Hey Pretty boy.” Billy smirked and you looked between the two of them, you felt the tension thicken and you kinda felt something was going on with these two. 

“I’m sorry I didn't realise your name was Y/n.” You had to laugh at that and that earned you a glare from Billy. 

“Sorry, that was pretty funny.” You smiled but Billy rolled his eyes and walked off down the hall. “Oh come on Billy, I was only having a laugh.” He ignored you and continued to walk away. 

“Leave him be, he’ll come back.” Steve sighed.  

“Steve you got a second? I have something I wanna talk about.” Steve nodded. “Right you know when I was at yours I swore I heard my best friend Chloe?” He nodded again. “Well it happened again but this time something different happened when I heard it again the school became empty and the lights were flickering and all I heard was my name being called.” 

“So what are you thinking?” Steve wasn’t sure of what to make of your situation.

“I don’t know I just don’t know what the heck is going on!” You sighed it was driving you mad-

“Is she stable?”

“Stable and secure, sir.” 

You looked around frantically at the two new voices you heard but these ones weren’t recognisable, you never heard these voices in your life. Steve recognised your distress.

“Do you hear her again.” You shook your head and your nose was bleeding again. 

“I never heard these people before, ever and what is up with my fucking nose it keeps bleeding.” You wipe your nose again for the second time today. 

“That is quite strange, what did they say?”

“Is she stable? Stable and Secure.” You repeat the voices to Steve and he looked at you with concern. 

“I think we need to see the party asap.”

[softwonjunnie]

strike three  ⚾ chapter three

“sometimes, you find love where you’d least expect it.”

☽ baseball team captain!jinhyuck x softball team captain!reader

☽ college!au    

☽ ft. up10tion’s jinhyuck, uniq’s seungyoun, up10tion’s wooseok and most likely other produce x 101 contestants aswell

☽ also kim jiyeon, cho sojung and kim hyunjung of wjsn just to have a face to those names, but if you want to imagine your own people go ahead because this is mainly a produce x 101 fic

☽ fluff and bits of angst, possibly more mature content but only following a warning

☽ second person view, female reader who goes by your name (y/n)

☽ word count  : 2k

☽ finished at 2019-08-06, 4:27 pm kst 

☽ a/n : back at it again with jinhyuCK instead of jinhyuK... might change it soon tho. in korea, and a lot of other countries in asia, relationships don’t grow as... quickly and largely as they might in for example the us or in parts of europe. in k-dramas, most of the time it’s a huge thing to even hug someone or openly say that they’re your boy/girlfriend. this fic is gonna be... somewhere in the middle? i guess? just a heads up if you didn’t know that about the korean culture, so you don’t think it’s weird. also, this is kind of a filler chapter! the next chapter or the one after it will have a bit more... interesting content. anyways, i hope you enjoy!! 

Masterlist l Chapter one l Chapter two l Chapter three l Chapter four l Chapter five

↬ As soon as Jinhyuck had left your room, you pulled up your phone and typed out a text to Hyunjung. 

21:13 - heyyyy, can you come back here? and possibly bring sojung? there’s something i need to tell you 

You didn’t even need for her to send you an answer, they were going to come over for sure. Sojung’s dorm room was just down the hall, so you knew it wouldn’t be long until they would be crashing through the door, excited about what you were about to talk to them about. You turned on a kettle to make some tea, and the second it was ready, the front door opened and in came your friends. “What was Jinhyuk doing in here? And why were you two hugging?!” Sojung spoke in a loud voice, and if you two hadn’t been friends for four years now, you would’ve thought she was almost mad. But she wasn’t; far from it. “How come I hear this from Hyunjung and not from you yourself?”

“Well hello to you too, I guess,” you chuckled. “An if you just sit down I will explain!” You pointed with your head towards the couch in the room, where Hyunjung had already sat down, and picked up the kettle aswell as some teacups. Sojung sat down on the couch and you poured up tea in all the cups before sitting down on the floor. “So...”

“So?” Hyunjung said. You could tell that she was excited - her smile was glowing and she sat on the edge of her seat, really anticipating what you were going to say.

“Jinhyuck and I...” You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for what to say next. “We’ve been seeing each other for a while. Like, on dates. And today, he asked me to be his girlfriend...” You let out a sigh. You weren’t used to lying, other than a couple white lies here and there. This was a completely new feeling for you. 

You realized that you had been looking down into your tea the whole time, so you slowly raised your eyes to look at your friends.

They were speechless. Wide-eyedly, they continued to stare at you for a couple of moments, before you had to laugh at their reactions. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean what’s wrong? You’re dating the coolest guy on campus and you don’t even tell us?!” Sojung half-yelled, finally letting a smile crack out over her face. “How is he? Is he nice? Have you two kissed yet?”

“No, we haven’t,” you told her strictly. You didn’t want her to get any hopes up too quickly, you weren’t sure if you would be able to keep up that kind of act in front of them. At least not now. You loosened up a bit and smiled, looking down in your tea again. “But yes, he’s really sweet.”

“If he breaks your heart, I will-“ Hyunjung began but stopped herself mid-sentence. “I hope he makes you happy.”

You nodded. “He does.” And for some reason, at that moment, your stomach was filled with butterflies. It was as if you for the first time actually realized what you had gotten yourself into. The thought of spending time with Jinhyuck in the future, being close with him and pretending to be his girlfriend made your stomach flip. And let me tell you, this was just the beginning.

- 

The next morning, you woke up and got ready for classes, and you didn’t really think about Jinhyuck. Your mind was too clouded with thoughts for that chemistry test you were taking today. Not even when you were done with it and could finally relax, you gave a single mind about the whole relationship situation. So when at lunch, when you were eating with your friends, and they suddenly stopped talking mid-sentence to stare up behind you, you were confused but didn’t think much about it. Until you felt a hand on your shoulder.

Slowly, you turned your head around, looking up at the person standing behind you. Jinhyuck. You smiled. “Hi,” you said softly.

“Hi,” he answered. “Are these seats taken?” He signaled with his hand at the empty seats on the table you were currently sitting at, and you now noticed that he wasn’t standing there all alone - some of his friends from the baseball team were with him.

“No!” Sojung yelled, and you gave her a quick semi-mad look as if to tell her to calm down. “I mean, n-no, they’re not. Sorry.” She continued in a lower and softer voice, making Jinhyuck chuckle. 

“It’s fine,” he told her and smiled before he and the rest began sitting down. Him in the seat next to you. “How did your test go?”

You stopped for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant. The chemistry test? Had you really told him about that? “The one in chemistry?” you asked and he hummed as an answer. How did he know about that? you thought. “Better than expected! Mr. Kim always gives us harder homework than the actual tests...” 

Right as he was about to say something else, Seungyoun sat down in front of you two, a big sandwich in his hands. He was very straightforward instantly. “So, tell me... what’s going on here?” He pointed with his head towards the two of you as he took a bite of his sandwich, and you realized suddenly that you were sitting very closely; your entire leg was pushed up against his, and your shoulders were touching too. 

“Well,” you started, feeling your cheeks getting a bit warm. 

“She’s my girlfriend,” Jinhyuck said proudly. 

Seungyoun scoffed and took another bite, swallowing it down before continuing with his questions. “Since when? And how come this hasn’t come up anytime we’ve talked, Y/N? Especially during that talk yesterday?” 

“Wait, what talk?” Jinhyuck asked, turning to you with a confused look on his face. 

“Since yesterday evening,” you tried to change the subject back to Seungyoun’s first question, putting a finger on Jinhyuck’s cheek and pushing his face to look forward instead of directly at you. “Or, well, official since yesterday evening. But we’ve been going out for  a while now.” 

“How long? Exactly? 

“Jeez, I haven’t kept track of exact minutes.” 

Seungyoun gave you a suspicious look. “Y/N, I know you. We’ve been friends for four years now. If you finally had been able to get a date, and especially with Mr. handsome over here,” He pointed over at Jinhyuck with his sandwich. “You would’ve, first of all, written it all over your calendar and counted at least days or weeks since the first one, especially if there had been others following it. And second of all, you would’ve at least mentioned it to Sojung and Hyunjung. Third of all, since when do you have time to go on dates?” You couldn’t help but letting out a laugh at his sudden unexpected rant. This guy, you thought. “And lastly, you would’ve come screaming to me about it instantly, because we all know it’s been a while since you had a date...” You finger-flicked him on his forehead because of that last comment. 

“You’re just jealous because he’s getting some and you aren’t, Seungyoun. Stop sulking,” you could hear a voice saying from a few seats away, making you and the boys laugh. 

“Are you done eating?” Jinhyuck turned over to you and asked, and you nodded at him. “Can I walk you to class?”

“Sure, but aren’t you going to eat anything?” You gave him a small pout. He had just sat down in the cafeteria a couple of minutes ago and hadn’t eaten anything, and you would’ve rather had him eating over walking you to class.

He grinned at your pout, (secretly finding you really cute,) and shook his head. “I’ll grab something quick before practice. So, shall we go?” You nodded and he stood up from the bench, offering you a hand to help you stand up aswell. You hung your schoolbag over your shoulder and turned around, waving goodbye to your friends, who now sat alone at a table with only boys from the baseball team (also known as the boys they’d been crushing on for the last 3.5 years, the entire reason they went to any of the baseball games), whose cheeks were growing redder by every second.

The hand that helped you up from the bench was still holding yours, you realized. But you didn’t pull away; instead, you intertwined your fingers with his, to which he smiled down at you as if to say good acting. “What class do you have?”

“History,” you mumbled and made a yuck-sound. “Classroom A102, in 10 minutes.”

The two of you began walking towards the classroom, and at first, you both were completely quiet. The hallways were crowded with people, all trying to get to their new classes after the lunch break, so you almost had to squeeze through people to get forward. Luckily, Jinhyuck held your hand tightly, making sure you wouldn’t lose each other. You knew that if it hadn’t been just for show, the hand holding would have made you into a huge blushing mess - but you controlled yourself, thinking about the fact that it was all just an act. When you finally made it into a quieter and less crowded area, Jinhyuck spoke up. “So, I’m not sure how you feel about parties, but... Wooseok’s throwing one. In his off-campus apartment, on Friday.” You nodded slowly, looking up at him. You weren’t a big fan of parties; you sometimes went to some with your friends just to let loose a bit, but you weren’t too keen on drinking so partying wasn’t something that interested you a lot. But you were aware of the fact that most of the baseball team did both arrange parties and go to parties. They were usually the ~main act~, drinking the most, getting the drunkest and doing the most stupid stuff. Though, you weren’t exactly sure about Jinhyuck and how much just he partied. “He said that he wanted me to come, and also to, quote, bring that pretty girlfriend of yours, endquote.”

“How did he know about me?” You asked.

“I might have gone straight to meet up with some of the guys yesterday after we talked. And I might have mentioned you...”

“Did they know who I am?”

“Well, you’re the best looking girl on the softball team, as well as the best pitcher. We’ve been talking about you and some of the other girls before, I think the whole team knows about you...” But now your cheeks blushed up. A lot. 

You looked down at the floor. Had you really been a topic in the boys' locker room? And did he just call you the best looking girl on the team?!

He stopped suddenly, and you realized that you two had arrived at your classroom. You tried to calm down and looked back up at him, who was also looking at you. “So? Are you free on Friday?”

“I think so? I’ll just have to double che-“

Before you could finish your sentence, he suddenly pulled you closer to him and leaned down to your ear. “People are looking so I’m just going to kiss your cheek before I leave, okay?” He whispered, and you shot a quick glance around you. He was right, people were looking at you two as if you were celebrities out in the public. 

And maybe to them, you were. That’s the thing about college hierarchy; you feel like you’re famous, but not always only in a good way. 

You pulled away a bit and nodded, giving him a smile. And he did it.

He leaned down, to your height and gave your cheek a soft kiss. ”I’ll talk to you later then, hm?” he said and you nodded, waving towards him as he left. 

Holding hands and having your cheek kissed by a boy who wasn’t your boyfriend was... weird. But when you thought about it, it also felt somewhat nice? It’s definitely something I can get used to, you thought to yourself as you headed inside the classroom. 

[wrestlingisfake]

AEW Fake Rankings, 6/19/2020

Men’s singles division - babyfaces

Jon Moxley (men’s world champion)

Cody Rhodes (TNT champion)

Matt Hardy

Darby Allin

Ricky Starks

Orange Cassidy

Colt Cabana

Men’s singles division - heels

Chris Jericho

Brian Cage

MJF

Brodie Lee

Jake Hager

Lance Archer

Sammy Guevara

Shawn Spears

Unranked: Luther, Preston Vance, Wardlow

The major storylines in this division right now are Moxley-Cage, Jericho-Cassidy, Hardy-Guevara, Cody-Hager, and Lee-Cabana.  Archer and Spears are coming off big losses and it appears they’re each being set up to get a win, but it’s not clear who either of them will be booked against.  MJF is obviously in line for a title shot, but they’re not in a rush, and I think they’re building to MJF and Wardlow vs. Jurassic Express in some form.

When AEW was first announced I just assumed Kenny Omega would be the men’s world champion, Jericho would be a part-timer, and most of the top singles stars would come from New Japan and ROH.  I never imagined it would turn into the Chris Jericho & Jon Moxley Show, or that such a thing would work so well.  I particularly like how the “young guys I barely heard of in 2018” group (Allin, MJF, Cassidy, Wardlow, Guevara, and now Starks) have been cultivated.  They’re still underneath a lot of ex-WWE stars, but they’re at least semi-protected for the day when they won’t be.

Men’s tag team division - babyfaces

Kenny Omega & Hangman Page (tag team champions)

The Young Bucks - Matt Jackon & Nick Jackson

Best Friends - Chuck Taylor & Trent Beretta

SoCal Uncensored - Scorpio Sky & Frankie Kazarian & Christopher Daniels

Private Party - Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen

The Natural Nightmares - Dustin Rodes & QT Marshall

Jurassic Express - Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy & Marko Stunt

Men’s tag team division - heels

FTR - Dax Harwood & Cash Wheeler

Ortiz & Santana

The Butcher & The Blade

Superbad Squad - Kip Sabian & Jimmy Havoc

Unranked: Joey Janela & Sonny Kiss, Brandon Cutler & Peter Avalon

There are 13 teams listed above, and there’s five more that just haven’t been on TV lately.  That’s more men’s teams than Raw, Smackdown, and NXT have put together.  This is what a tag team division is supposed to look like.  With this many teams, you can have one teasing a split (Rhodes & Marshall) and one in a slump (the Bucks) and a few to do jobs (Jurassic Express, Avalon & Cutler, Sabian & Havoc) and still have plenty left over to actually get pushed.

My one quibble here is that there aren’t enough heel teams.  (It’s not clear if FTR is supposed to be a heel team, but they’re passive-aggressive enough that I think they’re headed that way.)  But that’s mainly because Evil Uno & Stu Grayson, Pentagon Jr. & Rey Fenix, Jack Evans & Angelico, and Alex Reynolds & John Silver weren’t around during the early months of the US lockdown.  For all I know, they’ll all be back in the ring on next week’s Dynamite, so it’s tough to argue that AEW needs to turn a couple of teams heel.

Women’s singles division - babyfaces

Hikaru Shida (women’s world champion)

Big Swole

Women’s singles division - heels

Nyla Rose

Penelope Ford

Unranked: Abadon, Anna Jay

AEW’s big strategy for its women’s division was to build around top stars borrowed from Japanese promotions.  That approach was hit-and-miss in 2019 but it’s really backfired in light of the international travel restrictions.  Then to make it worse, Kris Statlander and Britt Baker suffered knee injuries when the division needed them the most. 

On the bright side, they basically have no choice but to push Ford and Swole, and signing Abadon and Anna Jay should be a step in the right direction.  But the goal should be to achieve the same depth as the men’s tag division, and we’ve got a long way to go before that happens.

No TV or PPV matches in 30 days: Allie, Brandi Rhodes, Evil Uno, Michael Nakazawa, Stu Grayson

Everybody listed here has at least wrestled on AEW Dark in the past month, so they’re not totally off the radar.  If this were WWE guys who only appear on Main Event, I’d say they’re going nowhere, but AEW has managed to make Dark feel far more important than Main Event (which is damning with faint praise, but y’know).

No TV, PPV, or Dark matches in 30 days: Alex Reynolds, Angelico, Austin Gunn, Bea Priestley, Emi Sukara, Jack Evans, John Silver, Leva Bates, Mel, PAC, Pentagon Jr., Riho, Sadie Gibbs, Shanna, T-Hawk, Yuka Sakazaki

Most of these performers haven’t even appeared on AEW television since they moved to closed sets, so I would assume they’re either unable or unwilling to travel to Florida during the pandemic.  Off the top of my head, the exceptions are Austin Gunn (who appears as a spectator on Dynamite), Leva Bates (who’s just seconding Peter Avalon lately), and Reynolds & Silver (who I believe showed up in some Dark Order group shots).

Part-timers: Awesome Kong, Billy Gunn, Dallas Page

Inactive

Britt Baker (right knee - tibia fracture)

Kris Statlander (left knee - ACL tear)

Rey Fenix (unspecified injuries)

Baker’s injury appears to be “fortunate” in that she’ll be sidelined for weeks, not months.  Statlander, though, may be out through the end of the year.  All I heard about Fenix was that he was “banged up” and would be back soon, but that was nearly a month ago.  Either it’s worse than anyone initially believed, or he’s just working a bunch of Mexican indie shows that I haven’t heard about.

[charmingturkeysandwich]

I Could Use a Love Song (2/22): where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases

Pairing: Emma Swan/Killian Jones (AU) Words: 3k(ish) Rating: T for this chapter, I’d say. (M overall) Chapter Summary: The band’s first day with their new roadie gets off to a shaky start.

Read on AO3.

---

Having grown used to shitty sleeping situations through foster homes, homelessness, couch surfing, and now touring, Emma awoke the next morning refreshed and ready to fight.

Yep, fight. Because the prior evening she’d been exhausted and hovering in that weird stage of drunk where you’re basically pre-hungover, and life had thrown a hot roadie at her. Except it wasn’t life that had done that. It was David. David who in the year of our lord 2019 most fucking certainly had a cell phone and could have shot her a text that a stranger was going to crash her quiet night alone.

Not that Killian crashed in any sense beyond sleep. They were seemingly both out before even the first song had finished playing through her speakers and he was still eyes-closed and breathing steady now that Emma was crawling over the seat and out the door, dead set on properly raging about the ridiculousness of this decision in addition to the lack of communication that shouldn’t exist among people who literally write words for a fucking living.

Seriously. How hard is it to send a text? Don’t wanna do your dirty work yourself, you can just tell Siri to piss of your bandmate on your behalf.

A little warning might have been nice. But she got none. So they weren’t getting any either.

“Rise and shine, motherfuckers!” Emma squawked as she flung open the door to David and Mary Margaret’s bedroom (they knew she had a copy of it, so really they should have thought twice before giving her no warning that she was going to have to deal with some weird ass alternate universe, very fuckable Captain Hook every single day for the foreseeable future. And pay him.

“Emma!” Mary Margaret gasped, yanking the comforter over what was probably her bare chest, but Emma didn’t bother to even glance at her. Accomplice in lack-of-communication, probably… but David was her object of fury.

Speaking of… “What the hell are you doing?!” he shouted, more confused than angry at her intrusion.

“I have a leather-jacket-wearing bone to pick with you, sir.”

“Aw, shit. You met Liam’s brother then?”

“Met him, slept with him, you know, the basic first steps in an employer-employee relationship.”

“Emma! You had sex with Killian?!” Mary Margaret sounded positively scandalized, which made sense for her own personality in addition to the fact that Emma hadn’t slept with anyone in … well it would probably be measured in years and not months, so. It would have been a shock if it were true.

“No, mom, but he slept in the van with me, which is my happy place. Not a place for strays.”

David stood up from the bed, raking his fingers through his hair in what looked like frustration or perhaps the pain of a hangover headache (good).

“We’re all strays, Emma. Can’t you be a little more accepting?”

“Can’t you be a little more with the warning?! You’re lucking I didn’t punch him when he approached me in a dark fucking alley, David.” Which was true. After much of the shit she suffered in her younger years, she didn’t take a chance or give anyone the benefit of the doubt if they seemed to have ill intentions.

He paused, daring blankly at her before taking a swig of the water next to their little bed. Light was just barely filtering through their curtains, so it was still early. No rush to hit the road quite yet, still time to get breakfast and drink their weights in coffee.

Usually the mornings were more pleasant than this.

Usually it was just the five of them in a diner, and usually she was listening to their post-gig stories, not sharing much of her own.

“Where did you leave him, then? Or did you already fire him?”

“Now, David, how could I fire someone I never even hired?! You remember we voted that we didn’t have the money to add staff.”

At that, Mary Margaret perked up, her back straightening as her mascara-smudged face scrunched in guilt. “That one is actually on me. We were on FaceTime with Killian and he’s just so… he’s in a bad place, Emma, and he needs money and people and we couldn’t just let him… “

“Go to the pound with the other strays? Fine. I get it. He doesn’t seem like the worst person in the world. But, like, give a girl a heads-up? And to answer your question, David, I left him soundly asleep in the van. I’m not a goddamn monster.”

Emma stormed out with no real destination in mind, just a deep craving for coffee and a bear claw and space from any other living human who might attempt to converse with her when she needed a minute to wallow in her semi-justified rage.

-

Of all the people to find her, of fucking course it was Killian.

Known him 12 hours or less and he was already the biggest pain in her ass.

“Swan, fancy seeing you here!” His voice was bright despite the wrinkles in this clothes and the hair that was no longer ‘artfully mussed,’ but more… hurricane-ravaged.

“Why are you so chipper?” is all she croaked back in response.

“Well I’ve already had an unpleasant encounter with Brother Dave and figured I would try to make this one a little less fraught with tension and don’t get any ideas about Emma you wanker.” Killian plopped down across from her, already clutching a coffee from somewhere that definitely was not the diner she’d wandered into and been sulking at for at least 2 hours.

“Why would he yell at you? And why are you calling him brother? And… just why?”

“Apologies, Swan, I assumed you’d had enough coffee and sugar to cope with me by now. I was warned of that. You see, apparently I was supposed to just go ‘sleep on a bench in a park’ or something to that effect and then not introduce myself to you or the rest of the crew until morning. Silly me. So David, who appears to think of himself as your father but who was best friends with my brother, proceeded to lecture me about how I’m not allowed to get in your pants. As if you didn’t have a say in the matter. Don’t worry, darling, I clarified that you will without a doubt never care for me beyond tolerance and he seemed to unbunch his knickers.”

“You know, Jones, if I’m not your love I’m probably not your darling, either.”

“Goodness sakes, woman, can you perhaps glean the important information from my babbling and not focus the filler?”

“Fine. Fuck your filler. We’re probably late for leaving by now, though,” Emma said, glancing at the clock on the wall and then at her message-filled phone. She rose from the table slowly, downing the rest of her lukewarm coffee and shoving a doughnut toward Killian in the process. “Shall we?”

He did some type of bow/curtsey nonsenense and flourished his arm toward the door as if to say ladies first and Emma stomped right past him, already 110% fed up with his weird country boy/Jane Austen hero attempt at chivalry when she knew he was no gentleman and she was no goddamn lady.

-

It appeared that the new guy had already met the rest of the team, Ruby fist bumping him and Graham giving him a hungover nod to acknowledge his return. David and Mary Margaret were blessedly silent about any of the morning’s arguments and simply hopped in the driver and passenger seats so they could meander over to the next tiny ass New York town full of Their People.

Some days were harder than others when it came to the places they played. None of them were the hellish ‘hometown’ she’d steadfastly refused to ever revisit, but each seemed to capture some kind of echo of her past. It was really a shame that scent was so tied to memory, because dive bars were smelly places. The right combination of Marlboro Menthol Lights, Miller, and whatever was in that black bottle from Avon and suddenly Emma was back at the Buckhorn, drinking to forget the hurt she hadn’t quite sustained yet, but was inevitably coming.

She always got past it. Rage was good like that, strong enough to overcome the heartbreak of individual memories. Whiskey helped, too.

Graham and Ruby were sprawled on either side of the middle row in the shabby van, both passed out (clearly they hadn’t done enough sleeping wherever it is either of them had gone the night before). David and Mary Margaret, meanwhile, were quietly singing to each other from the front, songs too cheesy for the other three bandmates to ever agree to allow to be performed on stage.

So that left her and Killian, the only two life forms currently active in actual reality.

“So what’s your story, Jones?

He rolled his head on his shoulders, sliding his line of sight from the video to meet her (probably too-harsh) stare. “What makes you think I have a story?”

“You’re on the road with a country band. In my experience you don’t get to that point without some stuff preceding it. Come on, Jones. Someone stole your truck, shot your dog, or screwed your wife. Which one?”

“Where are your manners, young lady, you definitely take a bloke to dinner before you ask for his Tragic Backstory. That’s got to be written somewhere. For shame!” he whisper-shouted, quite overdramatically.

Maybe he’d gotten his heart broken at drama camp.

“What else am I supposed to ask you? I don’t have much information to go on here.”

“Why don’t you start with, ‘Killian, it’s so nice to meet you. How about you tell me a little about yourself?’”

Her answering eye roll reminded her she hadn’t properly removed her makeup from the night before, not having taken her usual five minutes in the lovers’ hotel room bathroom to allow for proper skin care. Fuck, her pores were going to be pissed.

“I’m not quite that polite, but fine. We’ll have it your way. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?”

That “little about himself” went on for about an hour, covering everything from his love of football to how underrated asiago cheese was on casual dining menus. They disagreed on silly subjects like the best fast food and what to take on a deserted island. They pretty much only agreed that David and Mary Margaret were insufferable and that love was for losers.

(And yes, that was the closest she got to unlocking even one small detail about his Tragic Backstory.)

They talked all the way to the next hole-in-the-wall bar, which did, in fact, like it might have some holes in it in the light of day.

“Thank the fucking lord we’re finally here. Will you two shut up now?” Ruby moaned into the seat cushion, apparently not as knocked out as Emma had assumed from her unmoving silence the entire ride.

“’s not our fault you two oafs don’t use the nighttime for sleeping,” Killian snarked back at her.

Hmm. Maybe they’d gotten more acquainted than Emma had realized.

Add that to the pile of Killian Jones-related mysteries.

-

Graham had been so exhausted, he didn’t even awake when the van emptied out, still snoozing even as they hauled all their shit into the bar. Just to be a jerk, Emma even tossed a drum stick at him. But he just grumbled and turned, unfazed by her minor assault.

“Hope he lost sleep for the good reason, if you know what I mean,” Killian said, as he bumped his shoulder into hers. He was carrying a guitar case in his right hand and had his left forearm wrapped around one of the boxes carrying electrical equipment.

“Yes, in that tone, I’m pretty sure people up in Vermont know what you mean?”

“I’m not sure about that one. Have you been to Vermont? I don’t think I’ve ever met a fuckable person from that whole state.”

“Don’t say that around David. I’m 99% sure he’d fuck Bernie Sanders.”

The two of them laughed so hard they almost dropped their very expensive equipment, especially when David, as if on cue, turned back toward them: “what’s in Vermont? There’s this ski place I’ve wanted to go to…”

Their laughter turned to near howling as poor, out-of-the-loop David rambled on about Mt. Snow being a great place to take a date and how exactly that could be so funny that two people who’d met last night had already been reduced to giggling middle schoolers.

-

Mary Margaret and Killian quickly started setting up for their set, even though they had a few hours until people would actually show (she was a worrier, and it was technically his first day on the job). So that gave the other slackers some time to rest and eat greasy food and hopefully get properly buzzed before the show so Emma didn’t have a random panic attack at some dude wearing a blue plaid shirt with pink Vans like Neal used to, once upon a time.

Catching up on the night before was usually their breakfast routine, but having avoided that, Emma assumed she’d just end up not knowing how Graham and Ruby had spent their time. Thankfully, both were perfectly happy to provide a secondary replay of their evenings.

Well, Ruby was happy to. See, she hadn’t done anything scandalous the night before. No fucking strangers for her! Turns out, a friend of hers from college lived in that little town and she’d gone over to her place to catch up. Friends old and new were there and she mostly missed out on sleep for conversation and a few truly ridiculous board games (who played Chutes and Ladders when they were plastered?).

Graham, on the other hand, had not had as enjoyable an evening. He’d met a girl, a very pretty girl, and she’d asked him back to her place. He had enthusiastically agreed right up until he was pounding into her against her kitchen counter only to be interrupted by her boyfriend. Thankfully there was no macho how dare you touch my girlshowdown, but it did leave Graham with a bad case of blue balls and nowhere to sleep.

“Wait! Why didn’t you come to the van with me? I don’t bite,” Emma protested as Graham was describing wandering the roads with streetlights until it was appropriately light enough to be breakfast time.

“You don’t think that’s the first place I went? I peeked my head in the fan and saw his shaggy ass and thought you might actually have taken the leap and met someone. No chance in hell I was going to spook you if you finally found a guy you didn’t want to murder on first sight.”

She yelped out a very offended hey, but deep down, he wasn’t wrong. He and David were just the only two men to ever prove to her they were interested in her as a human being and not a punching bag or human fleshlight. She was thankful for finding them and realizing that the whole not all men has some merit, but not enough to take any chances on a guy.

“Well now that you know your assessment couldn’t have been further from the truth, I bet you’re feeling pretty silly for missing out on sleep.”

“No, I stand by my decision. But, yeah, tonight I’m crashing in the van with you two. Unless, I mean, if you ever want privacy with him…”

“YES!” Ruby squealed. “You two would make the cutest babies. You know, someday. With little leather jackets and horrendous attitudes. It would be legit adorable.”

From the corner of her eye she could see David’s face turning fuchsia and she was reminded of the speech he’d apparently given Killian that morning (as if she needed protecting). Not even close.

“Hah, very funny there, Rubes. You think he’s so good looking, you can go for it.”

“Oh, no you will not!” David shouted. “No casual sex within the band.”

(Hey, at least he was yelling at someone who wasn’t her.)

“But you and Mary Margaret!” she protested.

“Nothing casual about that. Marry Killian, fine. I’ll throw the bridal shower. But do not fuck him for fun. We need him and he doesn’t need another mess.”

Before Emma had a chance to ask David to elaborate on that clear Tragic Backstory Hint, Mary Margaret and Killian plopped down at the table, set-up apparently finished.

“So… what do we do now?” Killian asked, the blunt end of his left arm fiddling with the thick ring on his right thumb.

Mary Margaret, David, and Graham collectively responded, “Eat!”

Ruby and Emma were more of the let’s get drunk frame of mind and instead replied, “Shots!”

So the crew of six ordered shots for 12 and their first official day as a team had begun.

By the time they were being announced for the stage, Emma was red-faced and stumbling, Mary Margaret was giggling about the word “banana” and Killian had already told sixteen different dirty jokes, all met with a deeper scowl from Emma each time.

-

That night Graham’s drumming was just a tad out of sync and David forgot that he wasn’t actually supposed to sing the girl parts of their one duet-style song, but none of that mattered. The crowd was wild, totally tuned in and screaming their hearts out right along with them. Halfway through their set, just before Emma relinquished lead vocals to Mary Margaret for Sappy Hour, she clutched the microphone in her hand, swaying as she returned it to the stand at the edge of the stage, yelling, “I love everyone in this bar!”

This whole ‘having friends’ thing just got better and better every single day.

Especially when puking in the dumpster at 3am. You find out who your friends are, right about then, and only Ruby was mockingly taking SnapChat videos. Killian got her water and Graham held her hair and the last thing she remembered before she passed out was telling the other strays she was just so glad they all somehow found each other.

[leglesstv]

The Dream Run: Greg Holzman’s Island Life

Part 2.

If you were born before the last twenty years of the 20th century you’re able to grasp how much new technology and cheap air travel have changed the world and the way we live in it: profound changes that have touched every aspect of our lives. Surfing has always required commitment to the pursuit of good waves, but the nature and depth of that commitment has morphed and grown. Greg joked with us about one of the photos he sent us - him perfectly framed in the spiralling mouth of a smooth and luminous barrel - saying it was “nothing money can’t buy”. He’s right of course, but money’s only part of it – to experience the kind of nirvana we glimpse in shots like that requires planning, preparation of equipment, logistics, lots of water-time and perhaps more than anything, fitness. Add to this the fact that as a self-employed fisherman, when Greg’s not working, he’s not earning. Sponsors? Well, he gets a few boards from Buddy McCray. His logistical team is a loose network of local contacts he’s developed to facilitate the various resources and services inevitably required at short notice in out of the way places. Greg’s strike missions are conceived, organised, funded and executed autonomously: it’s all his own experience, knowledge, time and money. There are few among us able to shut up shop and disappear, possibly for months at a time, living self-sufficiently on the road, chasing the chance of finding a particular spot firing for a limited time. You may plan for a road trip or a boat trip, but Greg’s is commitment on a whole other level. Access to technology is one thing, knowing how to put it to best use is a skill acquired over time. Greg’s background in fishing has been a huge help in interpreting long-range weather forecasts, weather maps, charts of out of the way places: all key factors in his ability to score quality waves. Help and advice from fellow travellers, including a smattering of kneeboard surfers spread around the globe. Behind all this though, remain two things. One is what started it all going more than half a lifetime ago in San Diego: an irrepressible drive to ride big, challenging, high quality waves. The other is what drove Greg to leave Oahu for the outer islands in the late 70’s: the drive to explore the outermost limits of his ability on his own, away from the crowd. While there are plenty of pro and semi-pro freesurfing footboarders criss-crossing the globe at any given time, each with a Youtube channel and an Instagram account, it’s kind of nice to know that kneeboard surfing has Greg Holzman out there pushing the limits of what’s been done and pushing the rest of us to step up our game and look beyond our comfort zone.

Greg views his big wave pursuits as “strike missions”. Track a swell, find a spot, check wind and tide permutations, airlines, local travel, accommodation, be ready to go at the drop of a hat, and be prepared to surf at 100% when you get there. He’s been doing this for about 40 years, perhaps with increasing sophistication and expertise, but that’s the only change. We received an email just after Christmas.

 “So for fear of more words I’ll give you the story of my first solo big wave venture. It was at Pipeline. 1978. It was a giant West swell. Surf reports weren’t accurate back then but looking out I could see it was nice East winds in Kailua and I knew a big West swell was pumping. I was all about Pipeline at the end of my Oahu period so I felt very comfortable out there.  

I surfed with the heavies of the day, so I was pushing my limits. Driving up Kam Highway, the hour it took really got the heart pumping, especially when I hit Indicators reef and saw how big it was. More often than not, the swell was huge instead of too small, but in the 70’s no-one knew how big till you got there. When I got to Ehukai Beach Park I saw no-one out, perfect offshores and third reef sets at 20ft Hawaiian. Some amazing waves but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that!

Jack Lindholm was headed out on his bodyboard. I watched him catch a few incredible rides that got me stoked. The Second reef was capping hard and seemed like easy take-offs, but that was Jack on a bodyboard and he could take off later than anyone at the time.

I remember he didn’t make it out of a tube on one and came up the beach with his board almost torn in half.  I didn’t know him but commented on his board. He said he was going to change boards and go back out so I told him I would get ready and meet him out there. As I walked down to the beach I saw Sam Hawk paddle out, headed to the peaks at outside Log Cabins. I never saw Sammy again. Obviously, he lived, but that was all I saw of him as it was soon after this that I moved to Kauai.  

Anyway, I paddled out. It wasn’t that hard; in fact it was really easy with the channel and a big West swell. Everyone was at Waimea Bay - for good reason. When I got out, I remember seeing the sets on the outer reefs break a minute or two before they hit us. What I remember most was how hard it was to catch those monsters on my 5’2” twin fin fish. The waves had a deep-water slope to them, and you had to take off as the wave was breaking. Jack had it down and before too long he was gone. I never saw Jack again either.  So here I am and all I’m seeing is giant lines - just like the movies - and I’m getting further and further from shore. I’m thinking that I may need to get rescued and wondering if anyone’s watching in the lifeguard tower. I thought how embarrassing that would be and decided I needed to move inside and catch one underneath or I was not going to get in. Paddling in was a death sentence and it was obviously on the rise, so in between sets I paddled inside.  When a set approached EVERYTHING in me said “move outside NOW”, but I waited. I thought if I didn’t catch that first one I was getting to that beach dead or alive.  Luckily, I made the right call and that first wave was deep and inside and an easy take-off.  In fact, I commented to myself on how easy it was, really.  Once it hit that first reef I just sat there in this big easy barrel - no fear anymore - and the wave was just as perfect and easy a wave as I could get. It spit and I glided out onto the shoulder. I looked out thinking “I can do that again” when … the whole channel was closing out. I immediately turned for shore, just in time to see it turn to close-out sets.  When I got there I heard the hoots and claps of tourists cheering. I had survived my first solo big wave event. It scared me but I never felt more alive and I never forgot it. Just like many firsts, they are worth remembering.”

 So, fast forward to 2016, with Greg’s island life undergoing change, and another dream run about to start. While in Kandui in May that year, Greg picked up a Facebook friend request from Paul Macklin, an Aussie traveller who for years had sent him photos of his surf travels. Paul was then living in Bali. Greg decided he needed to return to G-land, so in July he left for Bobby’s Camp.

 Paul met me in the camp. Bobby Radiasa remembered me - it was like I had never left. All the same guys. Many had gone back every year I was gone. Having that family vibe in camp is a very addictive feeling and Facebook has kept us all back in contact. So, 2018 became the thirty-year reunion for me and G-land. I had three trips in 2018 looking for the gold standard G-land of June - July 2016 that was still the three swells of recent memory.  I got amazing waves, but that massive perfect Speed Reef (which rarely happens) eluded me. After seeing the photos of those days I swore I was investing in this as a goal: to get it at its best. I didn’t care how many trips it would take.

 After G-land in July 2017, I was off to South Africa: from Bali to J-bay.  I worried about the cold, coming straight from the tropics, and I did freeze, but I learned a few tricks there as well on staying warm - including a 1mm wetsuit top under my clothes - that let no cold air in on those freezing surf checks!  That’s where I met Gigs and Stevo. I stayed with Mike Ruthnum, who I’m indebted to for introducing me to great people, fellow KB riders, and secret surf spots that I will always remember. J-bay was an eye-opener. Much had changed there. Crowds were always a factor, but the town had a great vibe. The South Africans have all the forecasting at their fingertips now, so they come from around the country for the bigger swells, which I found different than the 80’s. But with that came KB riders. I found a very cool group of fellow riders who were happy, very much a club feeling, and with a wide range of boards ... it was an impressive group. I came home knowing that I would return next season. A month is not enough time in Africa. But as soon as I got home, I saw $500 tickets return to Bali. I knew Gigs was going and Simon Farrer - who I hadn’t seen since he was 18 on my island with Buddy - was meeting Gigs at G-land. Simon was already a phenomenon at 18. Seeing his movies made me want to spend time with these two world champs. So back I went for more.

 That took me right into the 2018-19 season with a passion for strike missions. I managed to strike a few Pacific spots early 2019 during Hawaii’s stormy moments. Each time selling more plants and looking: as soon as it was a good moment and I had cash I was going - sometimes with less than 8 hours to pack and be at the airport. I was on call for G-land when I saw a series of swells and good winds lining up. I told myself I wasn’t going to plan in advance for Indo anymore. My goal was one which wouldn’t end till I caught that 2016 Gold standard swell. Lucky for me it came on a day that looked like it wasn’t going to happen. The surf was huge and the direction was good with a high tide, but the wind was light onshore. I was pretty bummed when I saw the rain at 9 am, (not usually a good sign) but it passed quickly. All the guys went in. I knew the winds were changing with that sound the bamboo makes and quickly suited up. I got down to the beach and Donny the photographer said to hop on his bike. Blacky and he were headed out on the boat to take photos. I knew it was good and a heavy paddle out, so off we went. As soon as we neared it, we saw this was no normal day. When you see the photographer and boat driver pounding the boat and cheering like they were you know it’s not a normal day. Two guys were out, but they wanted nothing to do with those sets. My heart was pounding hard. I knew this was going to be a test - of all I had learned to stay safe, and the test of my equipment I so badly wanted.

What made it even better was my photographer was right on it with me to document.  I paddled out to an empty lineup and two guys who just paddled over the sets. It was destiny, fate, or just plain perseverance.

I learned a lot: about my boards, my goals and how hard it is to drive through those shock waves deep in barrels when it’s like that. I could see that what I needed was a board with the fins further back for stability as one bottom turn is all you get and then you’re behind and flying. Some I made, some I should have made, and others were just plain heavy. The crowd eventually showed up and the tide went out. One of the biggest problems with this kind of swell is it’s only good at high tide for a maximum of 4 hours. Usually only about 2 to 3 hours at its best.  That’s a lot of investment for such a short window. For me it was worth it. It taught me I could still do it and what my boards needed next mission to maximize my tube time. 

 It’s obvious that there’s a lot more to surf exploration at this level than meets the eye. A lifetime of preparation and expense may seem a high price to pay for memories - a few photos and stories representing the sole concrete evidence of mere minutes spent riding perfect surf - but to Greg, as for anyone else doing what he does, it’s not about money.

 I’ve done 12 trips in three years and surfed Hawaii winters every swell I can in between. I’ve gone to 5 destinations and gone back to each - if I can - till I am satisfied I’ve caught it at its best. I feel I have only really achieved that this year (2019) at G land, which is lucky because next year isn’t going to be the year - with the WSL going off there in the middle of the season.

 In Hawaii we take surfing very seriously. It has changed from when I started, Then, it was much more about the soul surfer and not publicizing where you went and not photographing your sessions. It wasn’t for money either. Now, everyone thinks they can get a free something if they’re good. It’s competitive and I try to remain in a collaborative mind-space. I have found it’s probably a help that I am a KB rider because we’re always trying to prove we belong in the lineup. At this point I rarely feel I can’t deal with things in a lineup, but often I know the fight isn’t worth the effort. I’ll voluntarily move out of the space as I don’t like catching scraps. If I have no chance for the sets, I’ll remove myself from the situation to save myself from certain mental crisis. Or a yelling match. This happened a few times at Jeffreys this year and in September 2018 at G-land with 80 guys in the water. Everyone - even your friends - are on a different level and chances are you’re not going to like what you see, so I’m out at that point.

Knowing how much effort went into getting himself into the line-up for those sessions, that’s a pretty big statement, one that we might all be wise to keep in mind every time we paddle out.  

Words - Rob Harwood - Legless.tv

Photos: Donny Lopez, John Barber & Courtesy of Greg Holzman

[iamnotawomanimagod]

2019 Retrospective Survey

Once upon a time, in the wayback ancient days of yesteryear, aka 2006 or so, people would fill out little self-important surveys about themselves almost every night on Myspace. These surveys were then posted to your profile via a “bulletin” and could be perused by your friends at their leisure. 

Eventually, this phenomena evolved into what we now know as “ask games” - people taking these surveys and, instead of just filling them out, reblogging them in the hopes that their followers might grow curious enough to send in some numbers.

Well, to that evolution of this tradition, I say - pah! I’ll answer all these questions and you’ll like it!!

Or you’ll skip it, which is probably the reasonable thing to do. This is mostly for me, so I have some vague record of this year to look back on, which I’ve been bad about the past several years.

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

It’s kind of tough for me to discern what is good and bad, anymore, especially when it comes to my life experiences. Things kind of just “are.” I think I had a pretty good year overall, though, if I step back and look at it, and ignore my mental health and those other niggling little details.

2. How old did you turn this year?

Twenty-eight. Getting up there. I’ve been doing some version of these surveys since I was like, fourteen. That’s fourteen years of random, unnecessary internet void-shouting.

3. Do you feel your age?

Not really. When I was younger, I definitely thought 28-year-olds always had their shit together, automatically, just because of the age. Like it feels like an age where I really should’ve outgrown a lot of things. But I haven’t yet, not at all, and I have zero interest in conventional adulthood.

Did your appearance change in anyway?

I got new glasses, because I lost my old ones in Hawaii.

Post your favorite selfie.

I rarely like selfies where I smile, so even though this one is clearly some goofy cheesin’, I still consider it kinda special.

If you traveled, where did you go?

I went to a place called Monroe, in Utah, which has some amazing hot springs. Slept overnight in a converted hippie bus. It was freezing (if you weren’t in the springs), but really fun!

I also went to Maui, Hawai’i. It was beautiful and I do see why people love it there, but it was very much so not for me. Also flying while fat fucking suuuuucks aaaaass, hugely.

Which fashion trends did you love?

Eye makeup got really fun and weird this year - I love the new shapes and crazy colors.

Here’s a decent example on Halsey. The way her top lid has a line above the lid and under the brow - I’ve never seen that before this year. Really fun and new kinda twist on makeup.

Which fashion trends did you hate?

Chunky dad shoes, the popularity of Crocs (and I fucking love Crocs, don’t get me wrong,) and other seemingly-ironic “comfortable chic” styles. It’s super cute on most skinny girls but the moment a fat girl tries to rock that style, it’s “sloppy” or “lazy.” On the other hand, it was good to see some women reject more revealing or extravagant styles in favor of being comfortable. It’s just tough for a fat woman like me to pull off.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

I pretty much lived in black sweatpants and baggy t-shirts this year.

What song sums up this year for you?

“I Think I’m OKAY” by Machine Gun Kelly feat. Yungblud

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

I listened to a ton of “thank u, next” and “when we all fall asleep, where do we go?” this past year.

What was your favorite movie of the year?

I haven’t seen any movies from 2019 yet. I watched one film this year: “Slow West” - it was pretty good!

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?

The entire casts of Legacies and Runaways.

Favorite new TV show?

Probably Legacies! Really surprised me, but it’s a fun show!

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?

Cheleanor stole my heart this year, from The Good Place. I, of course, spent way too much time thinking and talking about The 100. Gotta give another shoutout to Legacies and Runaways. Special nod to #deanoru and #hosie, respectively.

What food did you try for the first time?

I tried dragonfruit and papaya for the first time while in Hawai’i. It was also the first time I’d ever tried and enjoyed mango. All the other mango I’d had was never sweet enough and always reminded me a lil bit of cat pee, but a fresh tropical mango is fuckin’ heaven.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

Not really “permanent”, but semi-permanent - I moved out of one place and into a new one. We definitely won’t be here forever, though. Maybe a year or two.

What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

I do a lot of little nice things for my husband every day, it’s kinda tough to list them all.

What was one nice thing you did for yourself?

I reached out to an old friend that I had been fighting with and made amends, and we’re friends again.

Did you develop a new obsession?

I always move from TV show to TV show obsessively - lots have already been mentioned. I think I got more into The Try Guys this past year than I have before. I also played a lot more management sims than I ever expected to - games like Dead in Vinland, Banished, Frostpunk, Weedcraft Inc, and This War of Mine.

Did you vote?

Shoulda - didn’t.

Did you move?

Yup! Moved out of my old roommate’s house and into my own apartment.

Did you get a job?

In a sense - I drive for DoorDash. It’s definitely work, but not a conventional job.

Did you get a pet?

No. :( In fact, I kinda lost some - I loved the shit out of my roommate’s dogs, I got way too attached to them. I miss them too much.

Do you regret not doing anything?

Not really.

Do you regret doing something?

Yeah, I let a friend down in July. Wish I hadn’t done that, but. I’m not a very good friend to have, and I’m okay with that. The people who get it stick around through the tough stuff.

Have you done anything that scared you?

I always think it’s a little scary to get on a plane. That’s probably it.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

God, yes. Too many things. Still angry at my old roommate for being such an asshole about cleaning and for threatening to kick us out. That’s the one that happened this year, lol. But I’m still angry about things that happened years ago. I can hold a hell of a grudge.

Did you lose anyone close to you?

Not this year. Got lucky. Guess the universe decided to give me a little break.

Did you fall in love?

Nah, but I stayed in love with a coupla people. ;)

Did you fall out of love?

Nope!

Did you start a new relationship?

Nah. My husband and I have been together for 8 years.

Did you go through a break up?

See above!

Did you have to cut ties to someone?

Kinda. Had one or two people who wanted to be my friend. Made the mistake of being approachable and shit. But they figured out I’m a flakey asshole soon enough. :)

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year?

I made amends with my friend, Tracie, this year. She was always important to me. But I was pretending that she wasn’t, last year.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

I can’t really think of anyone. I guess my husband’s best friend - she moved out of our old house first, and I stopped talking to her as often. Prior to that we’d been pretty close. Proximity-based closeness is a trip, y’all.

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?

Nah. I made it through. That’s all that counts.

What was the best moment of the year for you?

Seeing my friend get married. It was a really, really lovely ceremony.

What was the worst?

Probably when I tried out a new form of self-harm - aka banging my head as hard as possible against the bathroom sink. Gave myself a mild concussion. 0/5 would not recommend.

Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

Going to Hawai’i. I don’t know why I thought it would change me - it just seems like one of those “life-changing” destinations, y’know? But it wasn’t. It was beautiful and otherworldly, and also full of a weird and uncomfortable mixture of white wealth and brown poverty. If anything, that only affirmed my beliefs more.

Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?

It’s tough to answer these sometimes, because I just don’t really know who I am “as a person.” I don’t think there was anything I didn’t expect. Not this year.

What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I got out and worked a lot. I pushed through some really tough times and experienced some nice things on the other side. I was able to care for my husband during his down moments, the way he’s cared for me. I fuckin’ survived, which is always an accomplishment for someone whose brain is frequently shouting at them to end it all.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

I’m more resilient emotionally than I thought I was. I’m less resilient physically than I used to be.

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

I feel warmer and closer to my mother-in-law than ever before.

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?

My sister continues to find new ways to disappoint me, but that isn’t exclusive to 2019. My former roommate went from being, in my mind, a mostly-okay guy, to potentially one of the worst people I’ve ever met. And that’s really saying something. Duplicity and lack of awareness go a long way in making someone shitty, though.

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

Nah, pahaha. I was supposed to go outside and also journal every day. Didn’t do that. I mostly kept up with it, but there are a lot of gaps. I definitely spent a week or two consecutively indoors, at least twice.

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

Probably gonna keep trying with the old ones, tbh.

If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?

I would go pick up Cami and head north, for Alaska. Find someone beautiful and peaceful to see the aurora borealis. Drink cream liqueur and hot cocoa with scarves and hats and gloves on. Look up at the endless stars. Have a long, sleepless road trip back, screaming our favorite songs at the top of our lungs, stopping at interesting places when we can.

What do you wish for others for the coming year?

I just hope things get better, dude. Stabler. Less scary.

What do you wish for yourself?

Same as the above, but on a micro scale. I’m heading into my 30s in this next decade. I gotta find something else to do besides just surviving.