#and you didnt do any of the rearranging or had anyone living with you who could have

[onemillionfurries]

literally why the fuck was i brought to my for you page when i went to my dashboard just now

[swiftfootedachilles]

Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

[arosebyan0thername]

I have no time for people unnecessarily hating on John Green under the pretense of his books being "bland." Grow up and get over the fact that you can only read books at face value with no ability to pick up on themes and subtext

[ilhoonftw]

i would just like to rant for a sec about kpop groups not be able to sing. i’ve stanned btob for a while now and have always liked groups that have good vocals and when they joined kingdom i was like eh sure i’ll watch some old men hang out with the kids.

most of it was… fine ig i knew i was biased but i thought btob had some only the most creative stages and it was fun to watch them interact with other groups. but then stray kids covered i’ll be your man and i was like ???? who in the i worms thought that group could handle those vocals?? i sometimes randomly think about it and cringe real bad and get secondhand embarrassment bc it i hated it that much. and then all my stray kids fans were like wow best performance i’ve ever seen. like???? idk if you’ve watched it but i was like how could anyone be proud of that perf 😂 anyways i left that showing knowing one thing and it was btob kings of vocals

yoo anon thank you. i never really openly talked about it when kondom was airing bc i didnt wanted to get any angry anons 🙈 so im gonna be honest here, finally

i watched it 2 and half times. it was bad. i couldnt believe it really.... their skill level... it was not it. you cant build a house with toy tools meant to play in sand........ whoever said it was good? you lied. and you need to see ear doctor immidiately. there gotta be some wax blockage. my bestie top btob stan @ddonggeun pretty much refused to watch that stage lmao. the climax part where rap and vocals are meshed together? it was embarazzing. btob can do it bc both rappers and vocalists know how to harmonize and support each other without overshadowing each other... they are good on their own And good when performing as a group. back to that stage.. they turned a song about catholic guilt mixed with doomed romance.. into some ??? dark brotherhood fantasy. i guess style over substance. i dont get it and i hated it. it was Not Good. @ me if you want idc. it doesnt deserve the praise it got

btob rearranges their own songs to make them easier to perform live, what were they thinking.... btob has like 5 way easier titles... for example: if they did 2nd confession... chill song with a+ line distribution and it's still not boring. i'd say 'respect' and go my merry way. even thriller would be a better choice but it still has bits that aren't as easy as they seem

btob titles.. starting with winters tale and ending with show your love... they are all tailor made for them. eunkwang is the one who oversees part distribution. that's why their songs seem easy... they are made for them and them only idc! that's the truth. not every group has 4 v good vocalists plus rappers than can carry a tune and have a clear diction.

yea i get angry anons wherever i talk about how btob songs are hard to cover and almost no one pulls them off... idc. ppl just want to show off their vocals so they don't re-arrange the songs or adjust the key. big mistake huge. one of very few good btob covers is lightsum's only one for me. they changed it up and took it easy. worked out well. if u cant sing like btob... maybe dont cover their songs... btob spent 3 years of extreme nugudom going on radio/tv shows and covering 173849 songs, from super hard korean ballads to jpop classics. i have a whole yt playlist full of uncut btob rehearsal videos and they are just... wearing sweats, playing around And singing their ass off. btob on chill mode is what some idols fail to achieve on stage...

btob kondom stages were crazy bc 1. they pulled them off vocally 100% despite half of them being sick 2. u dont need to read a whole essay to understand ~symbolism and meaning~ 3. you can tell they learnt a lot from years of doing concerts with Live Band And musicals 4. whole staff working with them nailed their job, from choreographers, dancers, set designers to stylists

yea i have superiority complex what you gonna do about it! yejiapsa btob

[wizkiddx]

Blurb req- Tom and the reader on a private jet hungover? just pure fluff?

fluffy requests are well and truly open ( bcos I adored writing this ahah) and let me know what u think , I am deff not a writer so any feedback or tips would be v appreciated :))

summary: tomhollandxactress!reader - a wrap party followed by an early morning flight and a grumpy Harry, what could possibly go wrong?

warning: mentions of alcohol and sickness

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The remorse. The regret. It only made the pounding in your head even worse. Why those two 1.5 litre bottle of Bacardi had been brought out was beyond you. Why the you six of you had then decided to empty said bottle was even more of a mystery. It wasn’t like any of you had needed it, you’d all been more than ‘merry’ prior to the cheap rum and coke. 

Hence the state of you, Tom and Harry as well as your manager Davey and Tom’s team of Rachel and Andrew. All having made very little effort with your appearance - joggers and hoodies all round, with you and Rachel also sporting sunglasses because you were simply smarter than the boys. Thankfully, this wasn’t a big trip that fans knew about, this was you and Tom moving location under cover  - the studios didnt want anybody to know that either of you made a feature in this film, so everything was under the cover of darkness. Which to be honest you were not complaining about. However, you were complaining about the fact the flight had been scheduled to leave at 7 am the night after your wrap party though.

The two of you had just wrapped your most recent and most ambitious movie to date - hence the massive celebrations last night for just surviving and getting it done. It had been the most intense 3 months of your life, there had been times you’d cry for hours on end, times you just wanted to quit fully knowing you’d never be hired again for leaving a multimillion dollar company in the lurch.But you all, somehow, had survived. So celebrations were in order of course but perhaps not as far as you all managed last night?

Your whole convey appeared to have travelled to the airfield in absolute silence, no one particularly fancied hearing anyone else’s voice- which to be honest seemed quite fair. You’d ridden in a car with Tom and Harry, with you resting your head on Tom’s broad shoulder - which had obviously made Harry gag, rolling his eyes. Bless Harry, really he was the only reason you and Tom had got together, after getting sick of the mutual pining he’d been forced to live with during the previous 2 projects you’d worked on together. But now, having had to put up with the two of you being so ridiculously loved up for the past 3 months - understandably a bit of distance from you and his brother was overdue. 

One of the flight attendants busied themselves loading your luggage, whilst the pilot asked you and Tom for a photo. Of course, you weren’t going to say no however you did have to cringe at how rough you both looked. His teenage daughter certainly would be less excited to see that her Dad hadn’t met Tom Holland and Y/n Y/l/n. Instead he’d met the zombified, undead and rougher frauds. Still you smiled as much as you could, wincing when you removed the glasses and the early morning sun pierced your restricted pupils. God it wasn’t your day. 

The guy didn’t seem to mind though, excitedly hurrying off onto the plane to settle in the rest of you - leaving just you and Tom outside on the tarmac. 

“Poor guy, we look like shit.” You murmured while taking a step closer to lean slightly into his side. 

“Speak for yourself love.’Tom snickered into the top of your head, after pulling you completely into his chest. This wasn’t normally allowed, your relationship still wasn’t public and both of you intended on keeping it private for as long as possible. But you were in an otherwise empty field in the middle of nowhere (somewhere in Georgia) before 8 am. It was actually quite nice to feel your boyfriends arms round you in the outside world, especially when you felt this shit. After a few moments you pulled away, arching back at Tom’s pouty face as you motioned it was time to get on the plane. 

“’S too late you know.” Your brows furrowed at his half formed sentence, facial expression only demanding him to explain more. “They all have already taken the good seats… Harry basically sprinted on so he can hog the bed thing.” In response it was your turn to pout, groaning as you fell back into his chest again. Yes, this was a complete first world issue, a private jet paid completely by your bosses was not something a lot would moan about. Truly you were grateful for everything you had in life, but with the worst hangover of your life when the opportunity of lying down for 6 hours instead of being stuck in a chair had manifested itself… well of course you felt robbed by your almost brother Harry. 

Chuckling at your reaction, he gave you an extra squeeze before leading the both of you up the stairs to the cabin. Sure enough Harry had completely and totally claimed the longer couch at the far end of the plane, lying on his stomach with his face hidden in the crook of his elbow. Rolling your eyes at the predictable situation, you didn’t miss Davey laughing at your sorry state - nmaking you throw daggers at him in your eyes. 

Davey was your second father, the relationship between the two of you far transcended any professional working one. Which is why the two of you acting like this was very much a norm and not rude at all. He had also got the next best seat in the corner with the most leg room which he clearly loved to show off. 

Unsurprisingly then you and Tom ended up squashed into the corner with your legs crumpled up together in the small space floor space. The brunette opposite you didn’t seem to mind so much but that was because he had an adaptational advantage. He could sleep anywhere and everywhere , whenever he wanted. On set if he was tired? Just take a ten minute power nap on the floor. Bored of a long car journey? Just conk out against the window. It absolutely infuriated you, as no matter how hard and how exhausted you were - it was rare you could get any further than a light doze. Even before the two go you got together, having a best mate that could skip all the boring bits and was immune to jet lag… you can see how that makes you want to punch him square in the face.

After a short safety talk from the pilot and flight attendant, the plane whirred into life and you were up in the air. Although in your current state, it would be reasonable to assume the beauty of flying had somewhat rubbed off - you were certain it never would. No matter how many flights you took across country ,and in fact continents, for work; you’d never get sick of watching the view below you. It was perfect and breathtaking and took your mind off the pounding in the back of your head for the first 20 minutes.

Until the need for sleep took over as either you need to be unconcious or you were going to vomit - which you really didn’t want to do at 40,000 feet in a tin box. Trying to rearrange your limbs to get comfier you accidentally knocked Tom’s leg rather forcefully, causing him to jump half out his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly as he tried to get his baring as to what was attacking him - quickly answered by your guilty look. 

“You okay love?” His voice was slurred, sounding almost sleep drunk - but perhaps was just actually still a little drunk. You’d only headed to bead last night at 4 am and had to be up at 6 - which isnt very long for your poor kidneys to try and process the stupid amount of alcohol you’d both  happily been chugging the night before.

“Feel shitty and cant sleep.” You weren’t in the mood to white lie - honestly some sympathy from your beautiful boyfriend seemed like a dream at the moment. Tom’s idea was better though.

“C’mere then.” His arms outstretched, you immediately jumped into his lap - the two of you shifting about to get comfortable till you were sat side on to him, your bum and back leaning against the arm rest of the chair with your legs going over his thighs and pressing against the wall of the plane. Pulling you closer to his chest, Tom took a deep breath as he pressed his chin against the crown of your head; your face now nested into his chest. 

Nothing needed to be said as the two of you melted into each others bodies, the slow and deepening breathing enough to prove to each other you were both incredibly contented in that moment. More than that you felt safe- you’d admitted to Tom some weeks ago that you had never ever slept better than when he was beside you. Yeh it was cringey but sometimes that’s allowed right? 

… well not to Harry. Because as the plane was about to begin it’s descent, the pilot had tasked Harry (who had slept off the worst of the hangover and had spent the last 30 minutes of the flight scoffing at how adorable the two of you looked fast asleep together) - even after Rach had scalded him and had taken a photo of the two of you on her phone. 

Causing Harry to ,ever subtly, wake the two of you up by throwing his half empty water bottle over your heads. 

Safe to say, Harry very nearly didn’t leave that jet alive.

[sour--disposition]

Home

This is based off that tweet that JJ made back before Christmas, I couldn't get this idea out of my head once it made its way in there, so here we are 🤷🏻‍♀️

Warnings: None, just fluff

please check my masterlist to see if requests are open

One of the only good things to come out of 2020 for you was JJ. There was no labels on things yet as it was still early days for the two of you, but you were starting to think that JJ might be it for you. Which is why, as soon as you saw his tweet about the year taking its toll on him, you got worried. JJ was the type to bottle all of his emotions in, not letting anyone see beyond his walls even when it was for his benefit.

You fired a text off to Simon, asking if he was home, as you started packing a few things into a bag to take with you to the apartment. A chime from your phone and a quick read of the notification screen let you know that no, Simon wasn't in and he was at Talia’s. Once your bag was packed, you grabbed your keys, locked the door to your apartment, and took off towards the Uber you had ordered to take you to JJ’s.

Simon: i didnt lock the door on my way out, doubt he’s thought to

Simon: look after him for me

You weren't even surprised at Simon’s message, you and JJ weren't a well kept secret at all around the other Sidemen and you weren't a secret at all when it came to Simon.

Me: Thanks, give talia a kiss for me xx

You thanked the driver as he pulled up outside of the towering building that housed Simon and JJ’s apartment. Stepping out into the cold that a winter evening in London brought was never fun, but you hardly noticed the harsh winds as you made a beeline for the main doors and then to the lift up to JJ’s floor.

You knocked once and then twice, both times with no answer even though you could hear the sounds of JJ rummaging around in the apartment faintly through the door. The handle opened easily in your grasp and you walked into the entryway of the apartment. “Jide?”, you called out into the dimly lit space.

JJ popped his head around the wall that hid him from your view, a surprised look gracing his face. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”, he asked, coming towards you to take your bag off of you and help you out of your coat.

“You weren’t replying to my messages and I saw that tweet. I was worried about you”, you admitted, a small flush creeping over your cheeks. His look of confusion was replaced with a soft smile, quickly followed by a look of guilt.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, I didn't even realise I wasn't replying. I’m just in a weird headspace right now I think”, he told you, jutting his head to instruct you to follow him. “You didn’t have to come all the way over here, you know”, he said shyly, voice low.

“I know”, you told him simply, making your way over to the kitchen to make two cups of tea. “I’m not here because I think I have to be, JJ. I’m here because I want to be, because I want to be here for you”, you stressed.

JJ stood in the middle of the living room looking dumbfounded, like he couldn’t believe that you’d cancel whatever plans you did or didn’t have for the night just to come and make sure he was okay, all because of a stupid tweet he’d posted.

“The tweet was stupid, anyway. I guess I thought people would get where I was coming from, but the replies make it clear that I’m just being a selfish arsehole. I mean - They’re right, of course they are. I shouldn’t be complaining at all, about anyth-”. You cut his rambling short by reaching your hand up to cup his jaw, letting your thumb dance gently underneath his bottom lip.

“Hey”, you cooed to him softly. “Just because - what, you have money? That means you aren't allowed to feel defeated, put down? Absolutely not. I’m proud of you for saying what a lot of people in the exact same position as you aren't saying because they don’t want the comments you’re receiving either. You are allowed to be tired of being strong, Jide. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, no matter who you are”, you said to him. Your hand had shifted slightly, holding his neck more than his jaw, when his larger hand came up to cover your own.

JJ opened his mouth once, twice, three times, shutting it each time after he struggled to find the words he wanted to say to you. If you looked closely enough in the soft light of the room, his eyes had glossed over ever so slightly. “I know”, you assured him.

You took the hand that wasn't holding the mug of tea and guided him to his room. You placed both his and your mugs on the respective bedside tables before returning your attention to JJ. He was stood where you’d left him, still looking lost, like he was searching his brain for words to say or movements to make.

You walked up to him slowly, reaching out to grasp the hem of his t-shirt and begin to help him manoeuvre it over his head, dropping it onto the duvet for you to change into later. You then moved to his sweats, loosening the drawstring around his waist before guiding them down his legs. Only once you’d pushed him gently onto the bed did you start to undress yourself, pulling yourself out of your jeans and top and bra and sliding JJ’s top over your head.

You joined him in his bed, immediately gathering him up into your arms. His head pillowed on your stomach as he wrapped his arms and legs around yours, completely entangling himself with you. The material of his t-shirt you were wearing rippled softly with every breath he let out.

“I’m scared”, JJ breathed out into the dark of the room.

“Why?”, you asked him simply, hand coming up to run over his hair, occasionally letting your thumb drop down and skim the soft skin on his cheek.

“We’ve - We’re-”, he stumbled, trying to find the right words. You didn’t alter your motions, hoping that was enough to reassure him that he didn't have to rush to find his words. A few moments later, he spoke up again. “We haven’t been whatever we are for very long and I already don’t want to imagine my life without you in it”, he whispered, the hand resting on your hip squeezing lightly as if he needed to make sure you were still there, still with him.

“Nothing is going to push me out of your life, Jide. I don’t want to know what my world would be like without you in it”, you told him. As soon as you finished speaking, you felt a small wet spot on your stomach, just below your navel.

“Sorry”, he murmured, unwrapping an arm from around you to scrape at his under-eyes.

“Come up here”, you told him quietly. Once he had rearranged himself to face you a little better, you took his hand in yours and brought it up to your face to press a soft kiss to his knuckles. “Look at me, I need you to know I’m being serious”, you whispered into the small space between your faces.

Once his dark, watery eyes met yours, you knew without a shadow of a doubt that you loved him. This strong, guarded man was letting you see his most vulnerable side, trusting you with the knowledge that he’s human too, he struggles too, he needs people, too.

“I love you”, you whispered softly. “I know that whatever we are is whatever it is, but I love you, JJ. With my whole heart, so much that it terrifies me because I don’t know what I’d do without you anymore. You’re my shelter on a rainy day, the arms I come home to when I’m cold and empty, the lighthouse I seek out when I’m lost. You don’t deserve to feel like you are right now, you deserve nothing but the absolute world. But when you do feel lost or low or tired of being someone so strong for so long, I’ll be here. I’ll be here to make you tea and steal your shirt and hold you close and wipe your tears. You don’t have to do any of this alone, never again, because I will always be right here. For as long as you’ll have me”.

Tears were slowly making their way down your cheeks, pooling and soaking into the fabric of the pillow case below your face. JJ tears had restarted, wet tracks slowly heading for his pillowcase, too. He reached his hand out, cupping your face and letting his thumb softly swipe the tears off of your cheek.

“I love you, too, Y/N. I can’t do this without you, any of it. I need you to come home to me, you make the worst days bearable and the best days even better”, he whispered, eyes boring into yours. “Come here”, he murmured, already wrapping an arm around you to pull you into his chest. His lips immediately met your forehead, pressing a long, tender kiss there, before he leant his head down ever so slightly so his lips could meet yours.

“Go to sleep”, you told him, eyes already fluttering closed as you tucked your face into his neck, pressing soft kisses on his skin and you got comfortable. “I’ll still be here in the morning”, you whispered, your words muffled by the heat of his neck and the slur of your tiredness.

JJ let his eyes close, holding you close in his arms, and let himself drift off to sleep with the sound of your soft breathing.

[kornito]

SOURCE: https://korngiant.tripod.com/kornisgoodforu/id10.html

Dead

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

All I want in life is to be happy", it's that simple. People say that it's become their own anthem. It's like whenever I start to feel good, something comes and takes it away and I feel like I'm nothing again, like I'm dead.

Falling Away From Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The song is about domestic abuse and that there ways to get help whether it's telling someone or calling a help line, there are ways to get out of those situations. Noone has to be treated like that.

Trash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Trash" is about how I threw my world and everything out. I threw her away. I threw my old self away. It basically comes back down to the sex thing. The battles I did on the road, this whole album is what I went through because I was on the road and I went crazy.

Beg for Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Beg For Me" is more of an angry thing because the whole thing for "Beg For Me" is the crowd. The only time I was good on tour was when I walked up onstage and that's what the song is about. Feeling wanted is something one thing I've always needed. I was shuffled around so much when I was a kid...Being up onstage was the only point was the only time when my anxiety would go away for an hour.

Make Me Bad

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

I need to feel the sickness in you" ... It's spawned from f**kin', basically, from having sex. That's where that line comes from, but it means a whole bunch of things to me. "Make Me Bad" was about the battles I had being on the road, being married and being with other women. I'm not married anymore... beause of my lifestlyle, and I just couldnt do that to my wife anymore. So that ended. But does it make me bad that I have a dick and I have f**ken other feelings to be with other people? Why should I be with just one? It seems like human beings are genetically engineered to procreate. Thats what we do, f**k everything, and that's what our natural insides want to do. It is hard to find someone like that. But she was a good woman and I didnt want to keep on... I did the right thing, I was a man about it. It was better for me to tell her and let her go on with her life and find someone who could help her and be like that. So that song was spawned by that, does it make me bad to want to be with other women? In a sence it was my only drug, why... because I dont drink anymore, I cant drink. I've been sober for a year. I dont have any other vices. So at least doing that could be something.

Hey Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Hey Daddy" where I was schizophrenic and there were these voices telling me to do sh*t... To kill myself, basically. Daddy is one of my nicknames, so its like I'm talking to myself the whole time. It's hard to explain.

Dirty

Song Meaning: Jonathan

"I feel like a fucking whore to record companies." "You know how it is...the way we are used and marketed." "How they make all the money off us and we don't make shit!" "The only way we make money is to go out on tour and sell merchandise" "Basiclly we write all the music and turn in and they make all the money." "So I feel like that and also I feel like a slut cuz I'd go out at night and fucking girls and so I said fuck it, I'm going to do it. The only way to escape is to have sex." "Its all kind of different issues."

Its On!

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's On is my sh*t peer pressure song. Me being so stressed out going out and partying. Everybody's just going 'Come on dude, it's on.' That's partying, it's alcohol, cocaine, women. All that wrapped into one. I wrote a song about it. And the chorus I talked about Why am I really doing this? It's all my fault that I'm doing this because all the alcohol, the booze an the chicks do is just make it worse. They just rearrange all the problems in a different order that I can deal with at that moment.

Freak on a Leash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

One of the best titles I've heard ever for a song. That's my song against the music industry. Like me feeling like I'm f**kin' a pimp, a prostitute. Like I'm paraded around. I'm this freak paraded around but I got corporate America f**kin' making all the money while it's taking a part of me. It's like they stole something from me, they stole my innocence and I'm not calm anymore. I worry constantly.

Got the Life

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a song baggin' on myself. How everything's always handed to me. How I look up to God and don't want this anymore. Like I want something more out of life than all this. And I've got everything I really need but I sometimes don't like. I don't know how to explain it. I have to let it sit through the songs more to actually get into what I write. I truly know, really, the meanings of the songs almost. That's what I'm getting out of it right now.

Dead Bodies Everywhere

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the song about my parents trying to keep me out of the music business. My father was in it and he knew how it was and I totally understand now that I have a son. I want Nathan to be a musician but I him don't want him to go through the hell I went through. That's the same thing my Dad was doing. A lot of people can relate to it, because it's like the Dad's wanting their sons to be football players and their sons want to be doctors or something. That peer pressure its like trying to make them something they're really not. And the Dead Bodies thing is like so I did it and all I got out of it was dead bodies everywhere and got all traumatized. Thanks a lot Dad, Mom.

Children of the Korn

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's the song that Ice Cube is on Cube came up with the title. I fed off of what he wrote, he was talking about growing up and puberty. Dictating what he can do, like how you gonna tell me how to live and who to f**k? And all this stuff. And I took that and in my stuff I was talking about being a kid always known as the f**kin' town faggot. It's funny how things change. That some of these people picked on me and all of a sudden look who's laughing now. Also in another of the verse I talked about all these parents f**kin hating me for what I do, saying I'm corrupting their children, but in turn these parents need to step outside of themselves and really listen to what I'm talking about. Then I think they can understand that they were kids before. They're just really quick to judge me. All the Children of The Korn are all our Korn fans. All those kids going through that sh*t and feeling what I feel.

B.B.K.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Big black cock! That's what I call a jack and coke. Those little glasses they serve in Europe and everything. That's what I named it, big black cock. And that's another song about me dealing with the pressures of this album and how I, you know, I'm trying to kill myself, but you know? Do I really want to kill myself? Things I'm just questioning myself. Most of this is self-structured.

Pretty

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's a story about this little girl that came into the coroner's office when I was working there and she was f**ked by her dad. She was an 11 month old little baby girl. Her legs were broken back behind her and he just f**ked her like a toy doll and chucked her in the bathroom. It was the most heinous thing I've ever seen in my life and I still have nightmares about it.

All in the Family

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Fred was there after Korn TV and we said, 'Let's do a song together, Hey, man, let's go back and forth and rip on each other like an old school battle.' I don't know who's idea it was, I can't remember if it was mine or Fieldy's or Fred's but we came up with the idea and we started writing and we worked on it together. I came up with some bags on myself for Fred to say. It was all in good natured fun.

Reclaim My Place

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

This one is about the whole band and about all my life being called a homosexual. And then I became this big rock star in a band and I'm still called a fag even by my own band. So it's like I was f**kin' pissed off at them. It's like erase them all because I'm gonna reclaim my place and say hey, they owe a lot to me for what I did, and I owe a lot to them back. But, it still kinda sucks. I've never ever gotten away from that fag f**kin' title. Just because I'm a sensitive kinda guy. Kinda feminine it really sucks.

Justin

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Justin, that was the kid dying terminally with intestinal cancer. His last dying wish was to meet us and it really freaked me out. That threw a whole bunch of new kind of pressures on my head. That's really intense. Someone's gonna die and his last thing he wants to do is come hang out with us. So I truly just freaked out. It's like why would you want to meet me? What makes me so special? And in turn I talk about how I admire his strength and his life. I couldn't stare at him because he was so content he was gonna die. No one could look him in the eyes. And I totally admire his strength. I wish I had it.

Seed

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Seed. That's all about the same thing again. I laying in bed in my hotel room, thinking about do I really need all this stuff? All this pressure on me? Because I'm a stressed out freak. It's about Nathan, it's about every time that I look into his eyes, I see myself how I used to be, innocent and stress free. I'm kind of jealous of it. It really sucks, I used to be that way. It's like I have to work so hard at this thing in my life. I have to become a stressed out freak. I put food on the table for my child. Every time I look in his eyes, I just see myself staring right back at my @ss laughing. I was like care free, innocent as a child. It's really weird and I'm really jealous of it.

Cameltosis

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a love song. It's about women in general, women who hurt me. It's Tre's lyrics. He's going on about chicks and my chorus is like I'm so scared to love anyone and really let them in after I got hurt really really bad by a girl. I've let Renee in a little bit, to be honest, but I'll never be that in love ever again. That's what I'm saying, if you've loved twice, you're gonna get f**ked, 'cause you usually do.

My Gift to You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Renee always wanted me to write her a love song and that's why I called it My Gift To You. It's my gift to her, you know how I get sick. I always had a fantasy of f**king her and choking her to death. I fantasize about what it would look like me in her body and watching me do it. So it's like a really sick f**ked up song. I did it totally like, I love her so much, I want to take her out of this world. It's really strange. She used to leave notes on my pillow like 25 ways she'd like to kill me. She's got this weird death fetish. We're kinda f**kin' freaky. She got it. She's all 'Thank you that's kinda f**ked up. I was expecting a f**kin' I love you, baby kinda song.' I'm all, 'No, you know me.' I mean I can't do that.

Chi

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Chi is about a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. People turn to that when they have problems so that they won't have to feel their pain. The song was named after Chi Cheng from the Deftones. We named it after him because he used to call it reggae, and he loves reggae music.

Lost

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's the sterotypical thing about your best friend meeting a chick, and then you're nothing

Swallow

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's about being paranoid. Drug-induced paranoia.

Good God

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a guy I knew in school who I thought was a my friend, but who f**ked me. He came into my life with nothing, hung out at my house, lived off me, and made me do sh*t I didn't really wanna do." "I was into new romantic music and he was a mod, and he'd tell me if I didn't dress like a mod he wouldn't be my friend anymore."

"Whenever I had plans to go on a date with a chick he'd sabotage it, because he didn't have a date or nothing. He was a gutless f**king nothing. I haven't talked to him for years.

Mr. Rogers

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Back in the day when I was a speed freak, um... even further back when I was a little kid watchin' Mr. Rogers, that sh*t was scary. He was a freaky old man... Land of Makebelieve and Mr. f**kinMcFeely and sh*t... made me sick. So back when I was doing speed, like for 5 or 6 days I'd be trippin out and my brain would start to get freaky and get schizophrenic and stuff, and I'd tape it and watch it everyday over and over... I don't know, I was sick in the head. As a kid he told me to be polite and all it did was get me picked on. I f**king hate that man. Thanks for making me polite and trusting everyone, and easy to take advantage of. So I spent 3 months on that one song, just tweakin' on it, and it was totally just my Mr. Rogers obsession, about how evil I thought he was. Pretty much drug induced.

K @ # Ø % (Kunt)

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think it's sexist but it isn't. It's more subconcious b*tching at all the women who've been with me in my life. It's not about women in feneral, just those women who hurt me." "Initially, we wrote it to send to American radio for a joke, because they always chop up all the other songs. So we were going to send a 'real' single seven days later."

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It stands for all day I dream about sex. It's about how much of a pervert my ass is, and how I daydream about what a stud I am. But when it comes down to it, I'm a f**king pussy and I'm in there jacking off.

a** Itch

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the last song I wrote, and I was so burned at writing out lyrics because everytime I write I get depressed because I start thinking about things, you know? So the whole song is about that. In the chorus it says, 'Before day, my sun will be dying'. It's because I put myself on the line all the time and for what? Because people aren't going to be listening to it anyway.

Kill You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a relative I first met when I was 12. I f**king hate that b*tch. She's the most evil, f**ked up person I've met in my whole life. She hated my guts. She did everything she could to make my life hell. Like, when I was sick she'd feed me tea with Tabasco, which is really hot pepper oil. She'd make me drink it and say, 'You have to burn that cold out, boy'. f**ked up sh*t like that. So every night when I'd go to sleep, I'd dream of killing that b*tch. In some sick way I had a sexual fantasy about her, and I don't know what that stems from or why, but I always dreamt about f**king her and killing her

Ball Tongue

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The meaning of ball tongue is simple. Some thought it had to do with oral sex, but in fact its about a guy we had to work with on a t-shirt (Jeff Creath). He either had a pierced tongue or a wart or something on his tongue and he was a dick to us.

Different live: Jonathan goes into a Rap (by Coolio) Called "Loddi Doddi" in the middle of the song.

Clown

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Korn was playing a show in San Diego for a clothing card. This skinhead guy came up and started flippin' me off. When we started, I bent down and the guy took a swing at me. Our tour manager, Jeff, got into it and knocked the guy out. I wrote this song about him: 'Scared to be honest with yourself/you're a cowardly man.

Faget

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Everyone thinks I'm bashing gay people in this song, and I'm not. It's really about me going through high school being called 'pussy,' 'queer' and all that stuff, about getting picked on by all these jocks.

Shoots and Ladders

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It was written because all these little kids sing these nursery rhymes and they don't know what they originally meant. Everyone is so happy when singing but 'London Bridge' is about the Black Plague. All of them have these evil stories behind them." "The lyrics are all from nursery rhymes, and a lot of nursery rhymes go back to the Middle Ages. They're actually pretty twisted if you know the stories behind them, like about Black Death and stuff.

Helmet in the Bush

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a speed problem that I had. You know, you do a lot of speed and -- if you're a male -- your penis retracts severly. The guy heard at the beginning of the song is La Caco, a friend of the band. His real name is Michael and likes taco bell. He's a really Nice Guy and he has been friends with the band for years

Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think daddy' was writen because my dad f**ked me up the ass,thats not what the song's about. It wasn't about my dad or my mum. When I was a kid I was being abused by someone else and I went to my parents and told them about it. and they thought I was lying and joking around, they never did sh*t about it. They didn't belive it was happening to their son. I don't like to talk about that song, this is the most I've ever talked about it...

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

Prompts with boxes around them have been taken. Highlighted prompts have been written.

Death of a Bachelor

Summary: Prisoners set in an unfair game, Logan and Remus plan to both come out alive.

Warnings: major character death, blood, violence (If there are others you notice need tagged please let me know)

Prompt: Deadly Game and Doesn't Realize They've Been Injured Combo (Only one is marked off the card as per BTHB rules)

Ships: Intrulogical, Logan x Remus

wc: 2496

AO3 link!

@warcraftedtardis​

Remus was numb as they strapped him into the armor, poorly made with an even poorer fit but with little he could do about it in the situation he was in. He glanced over subtlety so as to not attract the guards attention, the man across from him offering a grim barely there smile.

Make that the situation they were both in.

He winced as he was shoved into line behind the other, taking comfort in the others presence even if they couldn't speak. Up against the wall as they were he waited until no one was looking and reached forward, brushing fingertips with the darker haired man. Logan reached back to grab at him quickly, offering a tight squeeze before letting go. That was all Remus needed. They would get through this. They would win and they’d be alright and taken care of until the next tournament. Guards didn’t care what anyone did in a shared cell as long as it didn’t effect their fighting and Remus was definitely counting on cuddles and stories after this.

An alarm sounded outside and the crowd cheered as another fight began. Idly he wondered what weapons the prisoners had chosen. You were only allowed one, prisoner against prisoner until one died and left one less mouth to feed in the system and left thousands entertained. A mockery of the ancient gladiator tournaments turned to keep jail cells empty and offer a small chance bag freedom. Your crime didn’t matter here. Only your skill. A deadly game set to leave a bloodstain on the tragedy human history was becoming, setting you free with fake honor and a grudge against the barbaracy of society.

The crowd cheered again as a winner was declared, alarm sounding for the next two contestants. The line moved forward as a slashed and bloodied woman stumbled through the door, adding together stains on the floor and glaring at anyone who dared even peek at the state she was in. She was hustled away quickly to be taken care of and thrown back in a cell to heal. Logan tensed in front of him but another brush of hands let him relax slightly. Everything was fine.

A man stood out from the line suddenly, looking the guards straight in the eye before rushing them head on. Remus' ears rang before the bullet wound in the mans head registered and he sucked in a quick breath. The body was left there, cold eyes staring sightless as a challenging warning to anyone else that might think of going the route of stupidity. There was at least one everyday.

"Remus." Logan whimpered quietly.

He turned his head to look at Logan in confusion, the other nodding to the lines order. The mans spot was already filled by another moving up and the guards weren't rearranging them. The pairs were different now.

Remus would now be paired with Logan.

Ice ran through his veins as the line moved forward with every battle. Every alarm sent another wave of unwanted thoughts pounding against his brain. Every winner that stumbled through the door brought another image of a dead Logan or Remus being dragged out another. He couldn't bring himself to speak as they were shoved towards the weapons rack, both choosing simple swords as they gave each other panicked looks through the crowds demanding cheers. Simple refined weapons for a quick painless death. Remus winced at the thought.

The guard waited for them by the door, thankfully not looking as Logan turned to him. "Remus listen to me if we hold out and fight for long enough they might get bored and declare a tie. They've done it before and since we've already proven before that we're decent fighters they may do it again."

The alarm sounded and Remus shot panicked eyes to the guard heading their way. Snapping back to Logan he sucked in as much air as he could to calm his shaking form.

"Do you understand Remus?"

"I-"

"What the hell are you doing? Get over to the door!" The guard laid a hand on his belt, prompting them both to hurry towards the door. Remus gave Logan a determined nod before pushing the door open letting blinding sunlight stream in.

The feild was a little less than the length of the average football field, grass well kept despite its constant carnage. The stands rose up as high as a 10 story building easily, maybe even a bit higher; a huge screen sat on the far end up high enough so that people could see and bet on the prisoners, the smaller screens in front of them allowing them to see as the fight went on with added updates in between. The screen zoomed in on their faces, both white as snow as they stepped carefully forward to the starting positions. Remus gazed at Logan across from him, the shorter man looking smaller and more fragile than Remus had ever seen him. Their swords were gripped tightly in their fists, the shouting and jeering of the crowd fading out until it was just the two of them. Their chests were heaving and faces twisting though they hadn't even started yet, white knuckled and weak knees with apprehension. The grass between them seemed to stretch for miles yet it may as well have only been an inch for all the details Remus could pick out. He saw how Logan’s freckles stood out proudly against his blood drained face. Saw the way his lip quivered and jaw worked as if he had his inner cheek caught in his teeth. Watery brown eyes met his own as he took a sick sort of comfort in knowing Logan was just as terrified as he was.

The alarm sounding snapped him back for only a brief moment, crowd practically roaring as they ran towards each other.

---

Remus giggled madly as he ran towards his friend, backpack slipping off his shoulders and falling behind as Logan caught him up in a squirming mess of a hug.

"Hi, Lo!" As he squeezed his favorite person in the world the other groaned in mock annoyance, hugging him back all the same. Logan was in second grade while Remus was in kindergarten which made the hours spent in school especially lonely for the hyperactive younger child. Logan swung Remus around to grab his bookbag and placed their fingers together carefully to walk home, Remus carefully tucked at his side on the inside of the sidewalk as they both babbled on about their days. Remus had gotten a gold star on his latest art project while Logan was at the top of his class in the reading assignments. Their arms swung between them, oblivious of everything else outside of their comfortable bubble.

---

Remus' arm swung down and to the side, jumping back to avoid a wide swipe by the others sword. Remus bit his lip as he jabbed at the air a centimeter from Logan's face and winced when it came close to slicing off an ear.

---

"It'll be fine I promise." Logan held his hand comfortingly while Remus squirmed in the chair. "You won't even feel it."

The tattoo artist had all the tools laid in front of her, antiseptic at the ready. "You sure this is what you want kid?"

"Yes!" Remus eyes gleamed with nervous excitement as he squeezed Logan's hand, getting an immediate answering squeeze back. His ears were swabbed and he caught Logan's eyes as the needle was pushed through, hardly able to contain his bouncing excitement.

Later as Logan admired the work at a cafe down the street, he laughed a little to himself. "Your parents are going to be so pissed at you."

"I'm 14. What are they gonna do?"

Ground him without phone privileges for a month it turned out. Logan didnt believe him when he said it was worth it, clutching his own ears in horror.

---

Alternating between stabbing offensively and slicing defensively they danced around the field in a carefully improvised dance, eyes locked in desperation and worry. Remus' sword arm was already numbing from the constant clashing but he couldn't let his concentration waver. A misplaced backstep nearly sent him to the ground, crouching low to recover his balance before rolling quickly out of the way of a powerful downward strike.

---

"Remus!" The front of his shirt was caught as he was yanked forward, Logan tipping backwards and letting him fall on top of him with only a slight groan.

Remus huffed against his chest and propped his chin on his hands, palms flat against the others chest. Logan eyes him carefully, looking for any sign of injury. Finding none he breathed out a sigh of relief and gently whapped him upside the head.

"Idiot." He declared fondly.

"Your idiot." Remus corrected.

"I regret ever meeting you if only because you decided dancing on top of an apartment building was a good idea."

"But you can see the stars up here."

"You aren't even looking at them."

Remus locked eyes with him, smiling softly at the way the moonlight caught Logan's eyes, making them practically glow with the mirth that was already there. "Yes I am."

Logan sputtered and flushed darkly, tightening his hands around Remus' waist. Grinning in victory, Remus snuggled in further into the warm safety.

---

Remus heart skipped a beat as he nearly knocked the sword from Logan's hands, panic flashing in his eyes as he fumbled for a second. Feigning a stumble he let him recover, covering it with a close swipe that was easily covered.

---

Logan stumbled forward in his haste to get into the house, nearly dropping the stack of boxes in the process. He looked up gratefully as Remus braced his hand against the top ones to keep them from falling, nodding gratefully as he recovered.

"So this is it." Dumping his own stack in the living room he looked around at their new home. A nice trailer just big enough for two people in a quiet neighborhood with a park just down the road. Logan stepped beside him and took his hand, squeezing it tightly before bringing it to his lips with a soft smile.

"This is everything." Logan answered quietly, adoration so clear in his tone that Remus could think of nothing better to do than lean forward, capturing his boyfriends lips in the peace of their fresh start.

---

They were both tiring, movements slowing down dangerously but still they fought. Eyes locking along with their swords as their feet slid on blood soaked grass and their ears rang with the crowds jeering. Metal found metal again and again as Remus became slightly more aggressive in his delivery, driving Logan back inch by careful inch.

---

They were both tired, Logan slumped in Remus' lap as he gently carded through his sweaty locks. A guard slammed into the door but neither flinched. No one cared. No one had the energy to. Silent tears tracked down the shorter mans face as Remus tried to gently bring him back to reality. Logan had done the same with him after his own first kill and he'd be damned if he didn't do the same.

"I killed him." Remus froze as Logan spoke his first words in days, quickly resuming his careful touches.

"No. They killed him. They put you on that field to see if you survived and you did."

"I could have-"

"No you couldn't." Remus cut him off with an accompanying scratch to the scalp. "You go out there and its kill or be killed. You aren't a monster Lo."

---

Remus froze as he drew back his blade, the tip slick with blood that ran down its length and stained his fingers. He brought it up quickly as Logan swung down again, switching to careful defense even as shock racked his body.

"Logan-"

Sweat dripped down the others face mixing with the tears that had been falling since the start. Muscles strained and tendons twisted in his valiant attempt to keep moving. Remus saw none of this as his eyes were locked onto the spreading stain on the others shirt, chest plate having done nothing to protect him from the clumsy jab to the abdomen Logan hadnt ducked away from in time.

"Logan!"

Still they fought, legs stumbling and movements becoming clumsier by the minute. The blades flashed in the late morning sun that rose above the stands to shine light on the carnage below. Blocking another blow, he wrenched the sword to the side and knocked Logan’s out of his hands. Dropping his own Remus reached out desperately.

"Logan." He choked on a sob as the other finally stopped moving, grimacing as he looked down and brought a hand to his stomach.

"Oh."

Remus didn't care about the crowd yelling. He didn't care whether or not the guards would be coming. He didn't care what the moderators caught on their stupid screens. Logan was in his arms and on his lap and bleeding and reaching for him and crying in sobs that caught painfully as his breath hitched in desperate gasps.

Remus caught the grasping fingers tightly in his own and held on for all he was worth, his sole focus on Logan’s eyes and Logan touch and trying to stop Logan from bleeding out and Logan Logan Logan

"I didn't mean to, oh god no please." Remus words bordered on hysterical wails as he brought the rapidly cooling fingers to his cheek. "I'm so sorry I'm so so sorry Logan you can't-"

"I love you." His breath caught as Logan focused on him for only a second before his eyes began glazing over. "I love you so much, Remus."

"Logan." Clutching at him tighter he began rocking slightly, pressing down insistently on the wound even as he felt the blood rush out regardless. The hand against his cheek relaxed as Logan's entire body went limp, eyes void of the stars he loved so dearly. "Logan? No no no no no Logan please!"

He clutched at the body even as he was jerked away, screaming at the top of his lungs as Logan was ripped away from him. Grass and dirt slipped from his blood soaked hands as he tried to claw his way back, the other being dragged by his leg in the opposite direction. To be declared dead and disposed of. To clear the field for the next game. To tick one more number off their list.

No one spared him a second glance as he was dragged past the line and down the halls. Thrown into his cell where stars were scratched carefully on the ceiling and only one bed was ever used. His wails echoed unnaturally in the emptier space, cold unforgiving walls slamming his sorrow back into him tenfold and he curled into himself and wept.

Blood stained his hands hours after it cooled, the only thing he had left of the man he had loved.

[overwatchshotz]

Mccree x F!reader 1

~☆my first sorta song fic but not really, So reader is known as "Song bird" in the deadlock gang and Jesse's lover, takes place when he is recruited into Blackwatch☆~

Song is Desire by the assassins.

Mccree found himself in his usual spot in the deadlock bar on route 66. He had a long day, lady boss Ashe was having her usual fits about a job gone wrong and how this was a close call, whatever, he stopped listening after a while. He needed a breather, space, a moment to put himself back together. A few drinks always helped. He sat in a corner table, with acouple of open bottles, he was planning on drinking them all and after going back to his little apartment for a good snooze.

But he had to hear Her sing first. Yes in the deadlock crew there was one person he could listen to for hours. She went by the name Song Bird, known for her free spirit and lovely song voice, he never understood why she wasn't famous, away from this hell hole they called home. He could see her making a real name for herself, but she just smile and say she didnt want to sing for no body else but her family, which was the deadlock gang.

"Hey Song Bird, sing for us!" A random member said from the bar as she came down the stairs. "Hold on to your horses Johnny" she chuckled as her eyes caught Jesse's looking at her. She gave a wink in his direction as she made her way to the little stage they made for her. Song bird waited for her band to get ready, taking a deep breath as the band started to play.

"Anything you want, whatever's on your mind

I will seek out any treasure to satisfy your pleasure, baby

But don't ask for any guarantees

Standing on the edge, is what attracted me

The damage that we do, belongs to me and you, baby"

Jesse was immediately drawn into her voice, like he always was. It was no secret he had a thing for the girl. Who wouldn't? She was beautiful and had hips that could sway any mans wallet out their pockets.

"So don't love me, and don't lie

Don't let me see that look in your eyes

You promised from the start

We'd both keep love apart from desire"

In this life, you couldnt afford love, no happy endings, outside of the deadlock gang you were nothing, Ashe made sure of that when she recruited anyone into her screwed up family. Song bird knew this, so did Jesse, which was why their feelings for eachother were so hidden. It was playful smiles and winks but underneath was two people who wanted more, they wanted the world to know they were more than Ashe's puppets.

"I don't wanna talk about tomorrow

What we have today is all I'm ready for

It's a complicated game

But it's the reason that we came together

Cause if I took the stars out of the sky

A galaxy to give you to somehow testify

Would change us, rearrange us forever?"

Her eyes were on him, He was willing to throw all his cards in for a chance to become more than a secret but she was scared. She wasnt hesitant to get on Ashe's bad side, especially since Song bird knew about Jesse's "talks" with a certain Commander. He wanted to take her away from all of this, they could start a new life away from the deadlocks, away from Ashe. Jesse had promised, swore to her that this Reyes guy could protect them both.

"So don't love me, and don't lie

Don't let me see that look in your eyes

I promised from the start

I'd keep my love apart from desire"

Jesse watched as his lady love sing with all her passion, this song was everything opposite of how they felt for eachother, they tried that, and it failed. He was so tired of sneaking around. Reyes told him to have an answer by tomorrow night, if Jesse couldnt convince her to come with him, she would be going down with the rest of the gang and the only song she'll sing would be the jail house blues. He didnt want that for her, he didnt want his song bird to be trapped in a cage for the rest of her life.

"This is not about love, this is not about love

This is all about, all about my desire!"

Song bird closed her eyes as she sang the last part, a decision in her mind already.

"This is not about love, this is not about love

This is all about, all about my desire

My desire

Oh yeah my desire

Oh my desire!"

The song ended as she did a silly curtsey as the rest of the bar shouted and cheered for her. "Thank yall so much, I'll be back in a few minutes, need some water." She said as she hopped down from the stage and walked over to Jesse's table, someone putting the jukebox on while she was away.

"May I sit with you?" She asked him. A smirk was on his face as he dipped his hat a little "I would never say no to you." His charming voice always had her heart skipping beats. She took a seat next to him. "So I thought about what you said." She said low enough for him to hear. "And? What will it be?" He asked, his hand sneaking under the table and holding hers.

"If this Commander guy really means what he says, then I'll go with you. I'm just...really scared Jesse..." she was honest. "Dont be, I'm with you Y/N" he used her real name, she smiled as her eyes watered a little bit, no one calls her by her real name anymore and hearing it from him just brought so many emotions. "So when do we go?" She asked.

"I'm supposed to meet our friend tomorrow night, come with me, travel light he said." Jesse said looking around to see if anyone was paying attention to them, he lifted her hand and kissed it quickly. "I'll see you then." He said getting up and heading out, leaving her to watch him go. She sighed "A new life..." it didnt sound real to her.

-×-

Jesse waited for her at the back of the gas station. She was a little late, which worried him. Commander Reyes was to be there any moment, and if she wasn't there by the time he was, Jesse would be forced to leave her behind. He didnt want that at all. "Psst Jesse..." someone called to him, he turned around to see Song bird behind the trash bin. He chuckled "What are you doing?" "Making sure I wasn't followed..." she pouted not liking to be laughed at. She looked so cute looking around griping onto her back pack as she stepped out of her hiding spot.

"Come here darlin..." he said, she walked to him and he cupped her face. "Reyes should be here so-" Jesse was cut off by a car honk. The two looked and saw an overwatch vehicle, Song bird was immediately nervous and his behind Jesse. "Come on you two we have to get moving before the squad moves in." A man Song bird assumed was the commander said. "The squad moves in?" She asked herself. It did bother her that Jesse sold the deadlock gang out for their freedom, they would be branded as rats for the rest of their lives but Jesse didn't care, as long as she was safe, call him mickey mouse for all he cares.

They got into the car, in the back seat, she held Jesse's hand tightly as Reyes pulled away from the gas station and the opposite direction of the deadlock hideout, Song bird looked back and saw the very silent drop ships flying toward what she used to call home.

"So your name is Y/N correct?" Reyes asked from the front seat. She looked at him. "Yes sir." "Call me Gabriel, I'm Jesse's new boss, you did a good thing, dont let anyone tell you different." He said probably reading her mind. "We are starting a new life." Jesse said, kissing her cheek. Y/N nodded and leaned her head on his shoulder. "So what am I going to do?" She asked. "Strike Commander Morrison will be taking you under his wing." Reyes said. "I wont be with Jesse?" She asked. "Work wise no, but I set you two up in the same living space so you'll be with your cowboy." Gabe looked in the rearview mirror at her, she looked so relieved. He chuckled.

Y/N looked at Jesse and pressed a kiss to his lips, Jesse leaned in for more, and soon they were kissing in the back seat making Gabe clear his throat "Please no baby making in the company car...or infront of me most importantly..." Y/N blushed and chuckled while Jesse rolled his eyes pressing one more kiss to her lips. "I hope our living quarters can handle us." Jesse said making the Commander shake his head and Y/N more red. Jesse was going to take advantage of this new freedom to make his song bird sing in a whole new way.

-End-

Yeah sorry if this is bleh, I'm not as confident in my writing as I used to be. But hope you enjoyed. As always the gif doesnt belong to me.

[thatmediocrestreamer]

Another year almost gone, let's look back!

Welp, another year has gone by in this mortal coil, and I feel as though I've come a long way forward and gone a long way back in the process this year. There are many things I COULD write about on this blog, but for want of not rambling like a loon, I'll attempt this brief sentences thing like on twatter.

Part 1:New year. New girlfriend. New job. New hope? No hope.

Well, first things first, as I rang in 2018, I was seeing a girl who lived a hundred and odd miles up north, in a little town called Blackpool, a seaside town that up to then, I'd loved visiting.

Isn't it sad when people show true colours?

I learned very quickly at the start of 2018 that it only takes a short time for someone to demonstrate what they can truly be like, and the moment I did, boy did things take a sudden nose-dive from there.

The great Christmas bitch-fest of 2017

I'd agreed to spend Christmas of 2017 in Blackpool with the ex and her daughter. That was mistake number one. I'll never abandon family again, especially not when this year, my mum sadly suffered a stroke while I was in Blackpool, leading me to basically feel as though I didn't want to be there at all. The ex actually helped me feel at ease about it all, and comforted me in my time of need, ostensibly reassuring me it'd all be okay, and to her credit, it mostly was.

The wicked psycho witch of the North West.

The now-ex girlfriend from Blackpool was absolutely lovely as a person, right up until her mother came on to the scene.

Now, this was one hella poisonous witch of a woman. One who basically told me that because MY OWN DAUGHTER lives with my ex, her birth mother (a normal thing, no?) that I was not allowed to send her birthday and Christmas money, despite the two falling in a week of one another, purely on the grounds of dating someone else. I’m selfish and unfair for doing that, apparently. This coming from a psychopathic apparent psychologist who’s only marketable skill is causing total ructions with anyone she meets. So that, right there, landed strike one for Team Blackpool.

Apparently, I'm controlling, abusive and manipulative, don't you know?

The next mental alarm bell was set off in the form of me being branded controlling, just for helping said ex, who is rather short in stature, to rearrange her kitchen cupboards so things she needed most frequently were more easily accessible. Again, a perfectly reasonable thing to do, help out someone you care for, you'd think? BUT NO! I got branded as a control freak for this simple gesture of kindness.

So, we're two months in, and it's already two strikes for Team Blackpool, But the best is saved for last.

Christmas at Ground Zero.

The final malaise is more a three-part saga than a termination of ways. So, best to Buckle up.

The Google Home Sex- shopping list Saga

First in the trio of amusing things that led to the breakdown of me and the ex, was her receipt of a Google Home Mini for Christmas. (I'm gonna assume that, because you're on a Tumblr blog, you know what a Google Home is.) So anyway, it's Christmas day, her mum had come round to deliver some of the presents before going home and returning later to do dinner (the one nice thing she actually did the whole time I was there.) The ex had become fixated by the fact she'd received this Google Home Mini, and so we tested it's capabilities to the absolute max, even Going as far as to add sex- toys to a shopping list, along with concrete shoes and other amusing items, just because we both had a sick sense of humour.

Her mum came back and she was literally having not a single bit of it. This resulted in ANOTHER argument over the Christmas dinner table, again instigated by her mum, and again, totally uncalled for. So I proceed to lock myself in the ex's room, playing GTA the rest of Xmas day, to make sure I didn't have to deal with any more of it.

The intervention I neither needed, wanted or asked for.

So, it's Boxing day, a time for happiness, being thankful and general good cheer, but not in that household. So, because I'd decided that the best option to alleviate issues and discourse was to stay in the ex's bedroom on the PlayStation, a strategy that had mostly worked until that point. But not that evening. Her mum decided that the best way to make things better was by inviting her friends round and literally picking me apart downstairs while I listened. She made a passing comment about "he needs to get off his fucking arse and stop playing the computer games and get a job if he wants to support my daughter and my granddaughter." Of course I had none of that, and proceeded to sit at the top of the stairs listening, not appreciating being critiqued by someone who literally knew nothing about me. Then a full blown ruckus ensued downstairs where they demanded I come down before I got dragged down, and had police and my ex's dad threatened on me if I didnt. But what use was it? She wouldn't listen to a single word I said, and even went as far as saying that I ruined HER Christmas! Bitch please, what about mine huh?

The secret friend turned best mate, and the parting of ways.

Before the Christmas period, I had become friendly with a girl called Jen, who, to her credit has now become one of my best friends, and one of my other best friends lives with her as a partner (GG ReaverAF.) All too often though, people have mistaken my kindness for me being flirtatious. To that end, I can sort of see what the ex's point was, as I had asked Jen a few questions about if someone were to take her on a date, what would it be and why? Yeah that could be misconstrued as flirting to the wrong eyes, but nonetheless, that's irrelevant in a way to whats to come.

Things were at this point, not good with me and the ex, with her mum's attitude towards me, and the ex herself being in possession of a selfishness so strong it puts most self-absorbed narcissists to shame (not going into the whys though.) The final nail in Blackpool's coffin came in the form of the ex's overwhelming paranoia about what me and Jen had been discussing, so she waited until I was asleep and physically went through my phone to see it for herself. She found almost nothing of an overly incriminating nature, however still used this as fuel for blabbing to a lot of people, and alongside this, proceeding to wake me up from my reverie the morning I was due to return home to Nottingham, to have a FULL BLOWN argument about it all in front of a TWO YEAR OLD CHILD. As someone with children of my own, however, I was having literally not a peep of it, and so proceeded to pack my belongings, book a taxi and get out of there, not ever looking back on Blackpool again.

Two good things came out of Blackpool though, I gained two friends for life In John and Jen, and I also came away from there having been given a job by John!

Part 2 next week. :)

[ithisatanytime]

thats how i know i have to redose my kratom btw, sudden paranoid thoughts and painful ass jealousy, i will remember bitches from years ago and imagine them fucking someone else just to hurt me,. thats the thing though, for young men, its not so much that they lose their first girlfriends, which already sucks and basically never used to happen, but its realizing in that moment, every girl they ever love forever, is just gonna be someone they are borrowing, they have fucked other men, and given enough time, your little sweetie is gonna be fucking someone else, its literally a matter of time. you might think “big deal” but to that i say, whats the big deal? you had sex with some guy who you didnt want to have sex with, takes literally ten minutes and its over, why are you crying? obviously i dont feel that way and if you think im comparing rape to infidelity/serial dating i absofuckignlutely am. men cant get raped by women, a woman can rape them, and if i was a woman, two girls would have already raped me, i could have prosecuted easily, but i didnt because i didnt fucking care, it took ten minutes and it was over, so what? im not a woman, women risk pregnancy every time they have sex, and pregnancy by just anyone is a fucking disaster evolutionary speaking for women, their ability to mate select alone makes them more powerful than most men. pregnancy is risky as well, it used to be much more so with a fraction of women dying during childbirth, and even if they live, they would be pregnant with an unwanted baby for 8 months, then have a fucking unwanted child, a rapists child, makes finding another mate difficult, of course a woman isnt thinking this while shes being raped, shes experiencing soul crushing, mind shattering inner pain, because they evolved to feel that way so they would avoid being raped at all costs! for men jealousy is similar, probably not as severe but i bet the amount of pain can be similar depending on how committed the relationship was, women will scoff at this, because they have never been a man, they compare mens feelings to their own if they were cheated on or broken up with (ITS THE SAME THING) but thats just as stupid as me pretending my experience being “raped” by a woman is in any way comparable. they just doint understand at all. men evolved to feel soul crushing pain, calling it “jealousy” is a fucking crime, because it has nothing at all to do with envy, you arent thinking “damn that guy is fucking the girl i love, i wish i was fucking her” they are experiencing searing pain that just doesnt stop. so imagine being a young man, young men are surprisingly romantic, falling in love with a woman, you are gonna marry her, your older friends laugh knowingly, your dad laughs knowingly “you dont understand dad, shes DIFFERENT” every man has had this experience. not only does she break up with you and fuck some other guy, sometimes they dont even wait to break up with you first, but you learn slowly despite every inclination of your heart struggling NOT to learn the truth thats being forced on you, that you will never fall in love and get married, even if you did shed either cheat on you or divorce you (statistically speaking all of this is true). the men around you will console you somewhat, because even though men arent supposed to hurt, and comfort each other, they remember the pain, and in confidence, they tell you that you never really get over it, the first cut is the deepest.

  The reason men never get over it, is the same reason women are never happy with a great career and no family, this is fantasy, we werent meant to live like this, a group of highly ethnically motivated jewish people rearranged our mating rituals in the sixties and they did it specifically to hurt all of us, men and women. it is their group evolutionary survival strategy.

[tobacconist]

alchemical ponderings

thinking about that website i found while researching alchemy that had an anecdote about a guy whos grandfather (jewish, who was a wealthy goldsmith) lived during the second world war. i think he was from poland, or some eastern european country. cant remember. he said (paraphrasing) that when the government began to crack down on jewish businesses / arresting jewish people and seizing their assets, he remembers his grandfather (who was also a rabbi)  having very serious discussions with other jewish elders in the community which he didnt understand because he was a child, eventually they came to an agreement. his grandfather closed his shop, and then reopened it; and the guy remembers that the only difference was at the entrance to the shop there were a few barrels of fine white powder, with cigarette butts in them, used as ashtrays. he says he even remembers some police officers or government officials or something coming to their shop about something (this was before ww2 broke out, but as antisemitism was rising) something about taxes or somesuch, i cant remember. they walked right past these barrels, and even put out their cigarettes in them. they didnt realise a thing. they moved to another country, the US i think but im not sure it wasnt until he was a little older that he found out the secret, after his grandfather had died. he learned it from his father when he was taking over the business from him. he learned that there is a special way to purify gold into a white powder which is more like salt or chalk than a metal. and that this technique has been kept secret for centuries. it is done by grinding gold very fine and subjecting it to various ‘alchemical fires’   (mundane fire; grinding it to a power and then melting it. then grinding it to a powder again and then melting it again, many times over. and aqua regia, the only acid known to dissolve gold. ‘burnt’ many times and reconstituted; in order to purify it) in order to reduce it to ‘ashes’. he cites in the torah the story of the golden calf, as evidence of hidden alchemical secrets in the bible.

EXODUS:-32:19-20(KJV) :-

19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.

20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.

this is an incredibly interesting passage. it is well known that the hebrew people have always been master craftsmen, and also master goldsmiths. from the time of joseph. abraham himself was the son of an idol-maker. archaeological finds testify to this. the hebrew people were master metallurgists. remembering that the idol of the golden calf was made of pure gold; collected from the earrings and the jewellery which had been plundered from the egyptians; how then could it be burnt to ashes and mixed with water? everyone knows metals melt with heat, the ancient israelites knew it; and im absolutely sure the wise men who wrote the book of exodus knew this simple fact. why then this contradiction? there are many contradictions in the bible; but all of them are on purpose.

the answer today can be found with a google search; for we live in the age of the great initiation of mankind. ORMUS (from ORMEs, Orbitally Rearranged Monoatomic Elements); also known as monoatomic gold or monoatomic elements is a subject you can find a lot of information about online; and also a lot of disinformation. from what i know, monoatomic ‘isotopes’ (not sure if isotopes is the right word) of gold, and also all other noble metals do exist, and appear as a white powder which resembles silicon more than it does metal; and exhibits many strange properties. it is described as ‘exotic matter’. the knowledge of ORMUS, i believe, was popularised by a man called david hudson. i recommend you research his works and interviews. there isnt a lot of scientific data about ORMUS, atleast not that i can find online for free. you can buy the stuff, supposedly, but the cheap price of a lot of it on the market makes me think youre probably paying for just salt or chalk or something. (from what i hear, the mass of ORMUS is less than its weight in gold [literally] ([that is, x weight of gold alchemified = x minus some amount weight of ORMUS; therefore any meaningful quantity of ORMUS would cost atleast double what it weighs in gold]))

i have no experience with it, so i do not know; but i wouldnt be surprised if this is secret knowledge being supressed. if even half the properties ascribed to this substance are true, i can understand why ‘those in the know’ would want to keep it secret.

it should be noted also, that in the first and second temples of jerusalem the ‘showbread’ or ‘bread of the presence’, a mysterious substance, not very well understood; was made not by bakers, but by gold and silver smiths. the egyptian mfktz, and the alchemical powder of projection are also of note.

i recommend anyone interested to read/watch laurence gardners books and lectures on the topic, and also the work of david hudson himself.

[emziley]

All of the even numbers!

MVP for being the first ask I got...ever XD (also, sorry It took so long! I was almost done then my computer died and I had to restart D: )2. Do you have any nicknames?Emi, Milly, Em, Emziley (But I rarely use that aside from screen names) also, Jade 4. What is the longest your hair has ever been?probably at my butt! or at least lower back....its almost back at that length 6. Favorite flavor?Blue8. Are you friends with any of your exes?Yes! and hes married to my best friend now too :)10. How grammatically correct are you when you text?I text how I would normally speak so not very accurate? but also not like text talk12. Creamy or chunky peanut butter?Creamy! Who eats chunky?14. DC or Marvel?Yes. Mostly Marvel16. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer?There’s a small note taped on it XD its my moms computer so not really. but If I had my own there would be stickers all over it!!18. Do you read any magazines?Not really20. What is your go-to Starbucks drink?I never tried starbucks!22. Last show you binge watched?Voltron?24. Favorite Disney princess?me!- just kidding, Probably Elsa! (Does she count?)26. Favorite thing to cook for yourself?I CAN MAKE FISH!!! Its one of the very few things I can make so I’m glad I like fish xD28. Have you ever butt dialed anyone?Probably?30. Any styles of music you do not like?Country? I mean some songs are good but---32. Have you ever gotten a ticket while driving?I can’t drive :( 34. Showers or baths?I’ve been really wanting to take a bath and I haven’t been able to, so bath.36. Are you fluent in more than one language?I’d like to be, but I’m not.38. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed?I don’t know? probably around 200lbs40. Have you ever uttered a spoken hashtag?Yes. moving on.42. Favorite non-chocolate candy?Jolly ranchers :D44. If you could have one superpower, which one would you most like to have?Teleportation. Then I dont have to drive! Or walk... XD46. From 1-10, rate your dancing ability.4? 48. From 1-10, rate your driving ability.Idk like a 5 for when I started to learn? 50. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite?Moutain Dew. The worst shit for you52. Spring or autumn?Im alergic to spring so autumn xD54. Can you play any musical instruments?Yes! A guitar! Kind of piano, I want to learn more. Someone once told me "learn to play a little of any instrament you can get your hands on"56. How easily do you cry?Very. 😧58. Favorite YouTube channel?ArtfulImpersonator :v (and not just because you're asking) 60. How long have you known your best friend?Wich one? About 5 years ago? 62. Last CD you bought?Ed Sheeran for my sister for christmas 💜64. Have you ever been broken up with?Yes,66. How long was your longest relationship? Are you still with that person?2 and a half years, and yes :) 68. Have you ever acted in a play or a musical?Multiple! And I would love to again. 70. Have you ever sexted?😶 yeah~ 72. Real or fake Christmas trees?Story time! Once we got a real tree and it had a nest of spiders in it. Never again will we get a real tree. Ours has "snow" on it :) 74. How well can you write in cursive?Pretty well! You might be interested to know I learned at a young age because they thought it would help me with my dyslexia! 76. Do you like any boy bands?Hahhahahahahaha. Most. 78. Have you ever gotten any stitctopic. Thankfully not! I think I'd panic too much tbh80. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it?I still have socks from when I was seven? But I also have old sweaters from my grandparents which are probably older than me82. Have you ever dyed your hair?Yes! It was rainbow at one point 😃84. How long have you been at your current job?Currently don't have a job :/86. Phrase you say the most?Well fuck. 88. Have you ever gotten fired from a job?No. 90. Have you ever been a Boy/Girl Scout?I've been both! XD girlscouts we just colored, venture crew (boyscouts) we did alot of fun stuff but it didnt last because the troop was dying out to the point it was me and my sister and one other person holding it together92. Do you eat meat?Yes, though im not a big meat eater94. Worst habit?Hating myself... 96. Do you believe in ghosts?Yes98. Do you consider rapping singing?Not really? 100. Favorite store to shop at?Cleché but hot topic102. Favorite Pokémon?Piplup! I want a real one. 104. Do you drink alcohol at all? If so, what is your drink of choice?I don't drink much, but usually Mikes hard lenonade (of various flavors) but I did have a sangrea last night which was pretty good! 106. Favorite type of cookie?Peanut butter blossoms or oreos108. Biggest pet peeve?I don't know actually? 110. Favorite literary character?Probably Karkat Vantas xD does homesuck count? 112. Do you wear or have your ever worn glasses? Yes, sense I was 2 actually xD114. Have you ever been the victim of a prank? Yeah, nothing too bad though! 116. Have you ever taken a nude selfie?Maybe......... Yes. 118. Favorite fandom?They all have their downsides but homestuck basically rearranged my entire life and had such an influence both good and bad so I think I want to go with homestuck120. Have you ever snorted when you laughed? All the time xD122. Favorite Disney song?Let it go is fun to sing~124. Random girls’ name.Melony126. How many people are in your nuclear family?4 and a cat so that's 5128. What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?INFP-T (i think thats Mayers-Briggs?) 130. Biggest regret?Art school 132. Do you like any soap operas?XD no, I like to pretend Im in one sometimes though. Its fun. 134. What sports team(s) do you root for? Uh hufflepuff quittich team? 136. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same gender?Yes. XD then we dated. 138. Name a moment in your life when you were pleasantly surprised. When my partner changed their mind from "I'll think about it" to "yes"140. Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was done?Yeah, I REALLY had to pee... 142. Is sex before marriage wrong?Not nessisarilly, as long as both people want sex, go for it! 144. Can you handle spicy food?Not as much as I used to and that upsets me :(146. Do you like MTV?Not really~148. TV show or movie you quote/reference the most?Steven Universe xD150. Where do you think is the best place to meet a new lover?Anywhere! If you're having fun at a place and they're having fun at the same place (or chatroom :v) ans you hit it off and eventually date and~ 152. Favorite thing to do outside?Look at (and take pictures of) nature. 154. Do you say “y'all” at all?Yes xD156. Do you believe in evolution?Yes? 158. Favorite Beatles song?Ob-la-di ob-la-da (I think thats the name?) 160. Have you ever been to Disney World or Disneyland?Yes! And preformed there ;D162. Do you like to go fishing?I don't have the patents for that tbh164. Do you take medication for anything? Yes, for Epilepsy. Thank you for reminding me to take it! 166. From 1-10, how much do you like children? 3 maybe? If they're well behaved.... 168. Have you ever been bungee jumping or skydiving?Yeah, no. Nope. Not doing it. 170. Do you collect anything?I uses to collect giraffes xD and still have alot of them! But Yeah, I have a few collections. 172. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman?Not yet. Soon. 174. What was your favorite toy to play with when you were a child?My mind xD nah probably babrie dolls? 176. Have you ever learned anything from a how-to YouTube video?Like everything. { :v still cant brush wigs without watching your video and crying... } 178. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? Yeah~180. Do you have a pool at your house?Yes. 182. Do you like karaoke?Sometimes? 184. Have you ever ran a marathon?Hahahahaha. Nob:(186. Any guilty pleasures?Yes.............. Yes. 188. Do you live in a house or an apartment?House. 190. Worst job you’ve ever had?Im not sure you could call it a "job" but I worked at a haunted house where they gave you "cash prizes" for the days you worked. I missed the first few days because I was in the hospital and told him I couldn't be near strobe lights. Unfortunatly I was put by the strobe lights. I worked 2 days, desided I was more trouble than I was worth and never went to pick up my money. I stilk get a little anxiety thinking about it tbh. 192. Were you ever voted homecoming/prom king or queen? Nah :p kinda wish I ran but~194. Have you ever gotten detention? I don't think so? 196. Have you ever taken a road trip just for the fun of it? Yes! My family used to have mini rode trips alot... Recently though me and my dad went on two big ones, one to california 2 years ago and colorado a few weeks ago! 198. Were you a part of any academic clubs in high school or college?No... 200. How long have you been on tumblr?4ish years?(Thank you 😁)

[drashleighreid]

Do them alllllll!! 😂😜 you’ll probably need snacks for how long it takes to answer 💓

lord. LMAO okay 

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

not really?? life is weird tho who knows man. 

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

4.5 

3. The person you would never want to meet?

HMM. never... im sure there are plenty 

4. What is your favorite word?

colloquial

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

peach tree ! 

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

gotta brush tha teethies 

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a lana del rey concert t shirt n a harvard sweatshirt over the top sksksk .. get u a girl who can do both

8. What do you label yourself as?

vegan lesbian :o ? dumbass

9. Bright room or dark room?

both for different moods... i like rooms being bright and open during the day but dimly lit at night

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

writing fic 

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

done

12. Who told you they loved you last?

my mum

13. Your worst enemy?

myself bitch

14. What is your current desktop picture?

miss cdp in that blue coat

15. Do you like someone?

done

16. The last song you listened to?

the rip - portishead

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

[REDACTED]

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

see above

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

sdlkfj these questions are weird. br*ttany snow can be my slave for the day just so i can play w her hair 

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

litcherally no clue lkjsf ppl compliment me on my eyes but thats such a basic attribute ppl always comment on. we all got eyes hun. 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

probably ,, me but the opposite sex ,,, j*rk off :) 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

?? maybe ? maybe not. its a secret 

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

unique ??? i have claustrophobia and hypochondria  lkjsf. what a SHIT pot. 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

thats nice. is this a question? PICKLES. 

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

clothes, or some candles,,, perfume. i want colour pencils ! nice lotion. 

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico! 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

sdkfj gin. hendricks or beefeater. or i mean, if its a gift just give me some BOUGIE shit.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

no a55h0l3s allowed

29. What is your favorite expletive?

‘cunt’ has been working its way back into my road rage repertoire lately 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my laptop

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

hmm

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

once again, is this a question. good i wanna move away from here anyway lkjsf 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

my grandma

34. What was your last dream about?

i actually dont know, i know i had a weird dream last night but i cant remember it 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

no, knock on wood 

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

kljs they’re grey, cute and cozy and they look like lil woofos :’( my mum bought them for me they keep me so warm

39. What type of music do you like?

lots of different stuff tbh ! idek how to describe the genres LOL

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

lime ! or caramel 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

i dont have any strong feelings

43. Do you have any scars?

yeah, theres one on my knee from when my friend pushed me over on bitumen in 1st grade kjsf 

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

writer/director/not poor

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

hmm. i wish i was more open to change sometimes 

46. Are you reliable?

yes i hate letting people down 

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

is it worth it?

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

omg. a bear and a corgi :D i just want a little cuddly bear 

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

omg. so many. i had a really weird conversation with this guy in amsterdam who just like,, cornered me on the street and told me he wanted to hang out with me and i had to make up an excuse and say i was meeting people even though i was travelling alone because i thought he was going to murder me. i’ve travelled alone quite a bit so ive just had weird af conversations overseas kjf 

51. Are you a good liar?

maybe?? i just dont like lying so i dont do it a lot. i only really lie to get out of doing things i dont want to do and to rearrange plans when im feeling mentally Unwell 

52. How long could you go without talking?

a long time lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

hmmm. when i was in highschool i cut my hair really short and it just didnt look nice. i also had bright red bangs and black hair in high school, and another time i had turquiose bangs. it was a time. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes!

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i dont like to lol

56. What do you like on your toast?

v cream cheese and jam !! pb+j ! avocado 

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a little bear

58. What would be you dream car?

i dont care. something black n bougie with tinted windows so people dont Look at me 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

only if im in hotels, i dont like my neighbors to hear me so i sing in my car kljsf. i dont think i do anything exceptionally weird in the shower 

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes!

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

done

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Z

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies?

... cool but i dont want it near me 

thanks for the entertainment sweet pea !!!! 

[helafontrecs]

rejoyced

She was 1 of the un/ucky ones. She was also getting tired of playing her wavatar on the side of the street & decided she might as well leave because nobody was leaving her any dits anyways. So she packed her instrument, zipped up her plastic coat & headed across town. She was sad as per usual, yesterday had been her birthday & she had spent it alone ( birthdays were never great for her growing up so she didnt expect anything really, but somehow she still felt it more ( the loneliness that is ), but nowadays she was always alone, also now with regular frequency she would jolt awake at night after having dreams/nightmares of that day 3 months ago when a sortie from the dark palace ransacked her humble hideaway nestled in the mountains. A couple of her friends got out like she did, but most were either detained or killed. That mountain hideaway had been her sanctuary & it was also the first time she had been clean in as long as she could remember. It took her 2 weeks to find the seedy little town she was currently laying low in & on the second day she was already so stressed out from keeping an ever vigilant eye out for the palace patrol that she had to score some flooid capsules just to settle down her screaming nerves. She had managed a year & a half clean in hideaway ( the shakes were an absolute bitch in the the beginning, but she persisted ), it was the most lucid & content she had felt in her entire life, which wasnt saying much because her life had been fairly abysmal up until that point. She was what was commonly called a flooid baby, due to the fact that her mother was severely hooked on pure flooid all throughout her pregnancy. When she was born she had to be fitted with an injector in her arm because at 6 weeks old she was already going through intense withdrawals & the med-bots were afraid she would succumb to the pain unless they could ween the toxic stuff out of her system with anti-floo. She was 13 when she first tried flooid on her own, just after her mother ODd when mom finally graduated from flooid & started injecting straight hypr ( her father had never been in her life ). As she walked across town she kept flashing back to that deadly day at hideaway. The scene that had been seared into her mind was when she watched ( hidden in a toilet ) a patroller wrestling with her chum chez on a high bridge. Chez was struggling against his opponent & was even able to wrestle the patrollers stun gun into his hands & turn it on him, but before he could pull the trigger another patroller snuck up & clubbed chez from behind, the two took a moment to collect themselves then causally kicked his lifeless body off the side of the mountain. As she walked silently through the grey streets smoking a stim stick she cursed that fucking phaser who brought that dimensional drifter into her town. She knew that lil punk was trouble from the get go. She ducked into a subtube to save time on her cross town hike. The tube was mostly empty expect for a couple floozies slowly shuffling to keep themselves from full body lock. She knew that would be her eventual fate, but she just could not seem to muster up any sympathy for them.

The tube let her out just 3 blocks from the spot downtown where her hook-up posted up. The pusher ironically set up shop in a dark alley behind a church of the Infine. Her mother had been a disciple of the infinite when she was a child (& by default so was she ) but seeing the church fail them over & over again while her mother was trying to kick her 4x a day injection habit really left a sour taste in her mouth. Deep in the back or her mind there lived a belief that the Infine were real, but the actual organization around it seemed to be complete bullshit in her estimation. Without even looking its way she casually elevated her middle finger as she walked by the enormous crisscross haloed in green that was erected at the front of the building, then snuck around the rainbow tinted ornamental architecture elements that encompassed the church cloister to the back where she found her hook-up.

The flooid dispenser was a dark wiry man with a cool looking heavy jacket & long black hair that covered ½ of his notably pale face. She had scored off him before. He was expensive, but his stuff was quality ( she hadnt had a rejection even once using his junk ). He sported a small green drop pin on his left breast pocket ( a signifier to anyone in the know that he was a “licensed” flooid dealer ). The dispenser had already sold her enough that he recognized her face so he skipped any pleasantries & she put up 3 fingers ( for 3 vials ), he pulled them out so fast it seemed like a magic trick. She rummaged through her pockets & pulled out all the dits she had on her, but her attention was instantly taken by a noise coming from her left. She turned her head to see a women dressed in priestess robes shouting at them. Realizing the jig was up the dude instinctively grabbed all of the dits out of her hands & took off. Before she could even grasp what happened the priestess was by her side. She instantly began lying about what they had been doing, but the priestess silenced her & explained she was not mad at her, only the filthy dispenser & that she had a disease, the dispenser was only trying to exploit it & that their church had been working on a cure for the blight that is flooid. She was confused, but she followed.

Inside the cloister was beautiful, the priestess droned on for a bit about the many benefits of Infine life ( the same empty garbage she heard when she was young ), but after a while the priestess pulled something out of her pocket. It was a blue vial that contained a substance called joy.ce & it was a new form of anti-floo that had some interesting side effects. She was skeptical, but she could feel the flooid shakes starting to creep through her body & the dispenser had taken off with all of her credits so this seemed to be the only solution presenting itself. She poured the new floo into her injector & sat back. The room fell away & suddenly she was in the sky surrounded by beings made of clouds, most were around her height, but there were a couple that were much larger & off in the distance she could see a massive being that towered over everything which she guessed was one of the Trifine. A wave of euphoria splashed over her & all her troubles & pain washed away. The cloud beings were beginning to notice her now. They began moving towards her & embracing her. At first she was weary of their touch, but it was clear they meant her no harm. The group was quickly enveloping her, but she felt no claustrophobia, she wanted more, more connection, more love. She peered up & saw the visage of the Trifine looking down on her & then she awoke. She felt a newness that she hadnt experienced since she was 13.

rejoyced is a Rearrangement of Julien Baker's song Rejoice by Continuum Kingdom for the mixtape 7 dmnsns which you can listen to & download on BANDCAMP