#and yet people still try to deny her power and impact

[stillgotscars]

“era” was just named one of the words of the year by collins dictionary because of the unprecedented impact of the eras tour — and they even gave it a new definition: “a period of one’s life or career that is of a distinctive character.” taylor’s impact is insane.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

I truly don't know how you can see pictures of men stripped to their underwear, kneeling on the ground, in rows, and not have alarm bells ringing. People really will just go with the mainstream explanation of anything when it's convenient, huh? I saw those photos and my fucking heart rate jumped. Other people see it and apparently are just like Oh! Well, Israel says they're all Hamas, so I guess that's who they are and it's fine. :)

But I have to say--and I try not to do this usually--but it is really disappointing (doesn't quite cover it, but for lack of a better word) coming from women who know what it's like for the mainstream to tell you to ignore what you can clearly see with your own fucking eyes. When we're told that women can be men and say no the fuck they cannot. Where is this energy when the mainstream tells us "Israel's just defending itself from terrorists" when it's clearly a fucking massacre of civilians for an intended land-grab? Their politicians and military leaders have fucking SAID as much!

To be clear, I know it is impossible to be informed about every single atrocity taking place in the world, and I know not everyone not directly involved has been keeping up on and off through the last two decades as I have, and no I don't want people blindly spreading information if they don't know what's true and what isn't. As I said, I have not been keeping up consistently. There are other things closer to home, or which have a direct impact on myself or people I love, such my own country's actions towards the Indigenous peoples here. So I'm not shaming people who don't know and who can't add this issue to the list of things in the world they're spending energy on. It's disappointing to see how much silence there is, but I think impossible to hold any individual responsible or to make assumptions about why any one person hasn't said anything about it. So I'm not going to do that.

But I absolutely am talking about those who see the images, see the videos, see the reports from human rights organizations, see the statements by Israeli officials and still come down on the side of the oppressor. Like, do you not remember how a bunch of us gathered articles and news reports to prove to TRAs that yes, men are a danger to women even when they claim to be women, and how they responded with "cherry-picking!" "no true trans!" even against hundreds of such reports? Or else they justified it as retaliation against "transphobia"? And yet in spite of all this information out there, the idea that men can be women if they say so is fully mainstream. Women's voices are completely ignored. How do you not draw parallels? Because I'll tell you there are plenty to be drawn. These current events in Palestine aren't new. They've been happening since 1948. Which predates the existence of Hamas by several decades, by the way.

I don't understand it. I don't understand how you can do that, and I think the only explanation is racism. Because I don't see how else you could hear about pregnant Palestinian women being stopped at checkpoints and forcibly stripped, about disabled Palestinian women arrested and denied menstrual products and left to bleed in their wheelchairs, about Israeli soldiers using rubber bullets against disabled Palestinians engaging in peaceful protest, about a young American peace activist run over and crushed by a bulldozer as she stood in front of a Palestinian home, about women and girls held in Israeli detention centres where they're sexually harassed and assaulted by Israeli officers, about children as young as eight years old arrested and held for months on the charges of "throwing stones at soldiers", about women dying in childbirth or losing their newborns because of the lack of medical resources thanks to Israeli blockades or cutting the power, about a mother watching her children burn alive in white phosphorus with absolutely no way to stop it, about a woman drugged by an Israeli collaborator, stripped naked while unconscious, and having her photos sent to her religious family, etc.. I don't see how you could know about these things as a self-proclaimed feminist and still think Israel is justified.

It's racism.

[creepy-crowleys]

((Crowley is pretty sure she doesn't feel guilty enough/feel guilty for the right things/understand what she's supposed to be guilty for and how to fix it to be able to fully forgive herself. She certainly doesn't feel like she's earned it yet, and she doesn't feel like it's fair for her to decide that 'oh, everything's okay now, all's forgiven.'

It's important to her to hold herself to her own standards. Anything less would be making excuses and a bad habit to get into when she holds as much power as she does.

But yeah. It does weigh on her that she was told she didn't feel guilty enough for certain things, and in a way, she doesn't. She doesn't regret the deal she made with Match, trying to help her friend, or trying to engage with Match fairly. She was burned for it, badly, but she couldn't try to screw him over when there were still equal chances of her having jumped to conclusions in her worry or being unable to 'win' decisively enough that the situation turned in a more prolonged conflict or drew in more people.

She only really regrets the impact the situation had on Nata and Yuya, her inability to protect either of them, and having denied Nata a say in the matter in trying to protect her from the responsibility of Crowley's choice.

But it was her choice, and one that she would make again. For that much, at least, her conscience is clear.

And she realizes that's part of the problem as far as forgiveness is concerned.

In other things, she doesn't fully understand what she needs to change, or how to know if she's changed enough or the right things. People she trusted and respected told her she was wrong - in pretty strong terms at that! So. They must be right, right?

But how does she know when she's come far enough to have earned forgiveness versus just half-assing the work and making excuses for herself?

...She doesn't think she's there yet. Maybe someday.))

[stella-facem-ducens]

Zutara fic “Our new Destiny”

During the night on the fire nation tiny paradise called the ember island Katara and Zuko the start understanding something, what  happened in ba sing se had a big impact on what the world means to them. It opened the door for happiness but also made them realize the destiny the have is not a destiny chosen by them and maybe it is time to change that maybe it is time to open a new path, a new destiny, a destiny where they are both together no matter what the world says.

big thanks to me betareader @gefionne

link :https://archiveofourown.org/works/46232395

Both Zuko and Katara agreed the whole thing was a fiasco because both of them now have to face a reality they both denied for a long time: the events in catacombs of ba sing se. they need to face this simple fact, the actors were not far from the truth, maybe they didn't kiss but they almost did. Zuko until this day can clearly remember how Katara pressed her gentle hands on his scar. Zuko never allows anyone touch him yet he couldn't stop her touch because it brings him a sense of joy.

-How could he say no to the girl whose eyes hold the ocean and its vast power?"

-How to say no the girl who saw greatness in me, worthy enough to gift me a gift from the gods. The water from the oasis and then betrayed her.

Zuko usually asked himself what would have happened if she actually had used the water on him. surely the avatar would be dead by now or maybe not. Zuko always has theories and enjoys thinking how far Katara can push the boundaries of water bending. no normal master can bring people back from the dead, even with "magic water." maybe she could had revived him without it, but that is ancient history. what it matters is, his dear Katara was willing to trade the gift of the spirit just to make him happy. nobody has never done that for Zuko yet for some reason she did. sadly, nothing can be perfect. there is another truth– a painful truth: Katara chose the avatar and every single time she will always choose him above Zuko and to this day she is still doing it., there are no words to describe the pain Zuko feels, how painful it is for Zuko to watch his beloved waterbender with that avatar. he can barely control himself. so far he has successfully not burned everything.

Each time Zuko sees Katara specially now he asks himself:    

 "Why him? Am I am not worthy of her love ? maybe Azula was right I will never be enough, not enough for my mother, not enough for my father`s love, not enough for her . "

 Meanwhile Katara watches the sky wondering what went wrong, how mad she is with Aang. her best friend stole a kiss from her again. he is always behaving like the world owes him a debt and she is the  . “the avatar`s girl;” that is what everyone thinks of her. she is quite sure the only reason Pakku trained her is partially because she is with the avatar, she is part of the gang even in the eyes of her enemies. she is not just a foe, she is the avatar`s girl, the avatar`s ally. she is never just Katara, the master waterbender. even Zuko had addressed her as the avatar`s girl. Katara usually thinks if she is ever going to be something more. while in deep thought she walks aimlessly until she ends up near the shore. she guesses the destination is fitting water always calls her. maybe that is why she is now sitting on a rock near the ocean. the sounds of the waves relaxed her.

"Hello, Katara '' says Zuko somehow ashamed– or better to say sad. Katara can't decipher what is in the mind of the firebender. it is not only sadness. maybe it could be disappointment too, but she is not sure.

 "Hi, Zuko. what are you…" before she finishes her sentence with the same soft voice– almost as a whisper–Zuko says gently to her

 "Why the avatar?"     

 Katara knows what he means.

 "Why, Mai?" Katara replies.

 both of them try quite hard to answer the question: why them indeed?

 "Mai has always been there. when I was young, she was my only friend– well the only friend the fire lord Ozai considered worthy of being with me. she is the child of an incredibly powerful and wealthy man. his coins founded several campaigns in the earth kingdom. it’s no wonder why he was given the province of Omashu. did you know he calls himself the king of Omashu?"

 before Katara could actually reply to the absurd notion of that pitiful old man trying to be as worthy as Bumi, Zuko continues, "so I guess for me , she is the right chosen."

 quickly Katara stops him. she is starting to get angry. how dare he  ? like he is not allowed to choose– to make his own decisions?

 "She should be here, Zuko. Mai should be here," Katara says, her voice showing some hints of anger the whole situation.

 "You were banished. why was she not there with you in the south pole, helping you? why did she only accept you when you were giv back the title of crown prince? 

 "it makes me angry– quite angry— Zuko! she said she loves you, yet she is nowhere to be seen. her only good deed was helping you in the prison and I wonder why."

 Katara continues, "I think it is for selfish reasons. she feels guilty. Guilty of allowing Azula to go so far into madness and not saying anything sooner; guilty about you and how little effort she put into your needs; how she doesn't understand you anymore and at the same time not truly caring about the reasons why you are different. the worst thing is that she told you she loves you but she didn’t mean it. she feels guilty because she was lying to you, but destiny binds you together. she is going to be fire lady because it is her destiny… in her mind, she is your destiny."

 Zuko feels his hands burning– ready to burn everything around him. Katara is right; this is another thing the world has told Zuko: it is his destiny. how many things in his life are what people told him what to do because it is right for him? is he that worthless? He cannot know what is right and what is wrong. but Zuko is also pissed off at the hypocrisy. Katara is as guilty as him.

 "Katara , you are no better than me. I saw you so many times fighting for the world , but you never truly chose this path.

 " You were the one who woke up the avatar from the iceberg . the world threw you the duty to protect him. Has anyone asked you : do you want to protect the avatar? or like a boat without an engine , you just drift from one choice to another and let the world decide what you must do ?

 " You fought me in the north pole, you saved the avatar , yet again you get no credit just because the avatar pulled a deu s ex machin a and the ocean spirit possessed him... you know what is worse, that should not have happened at all ?

 "The battle for the north pole was already lost for my people , had the avatar actually done his job and stop ped Zhao before he reache d the oasis .

 do you truly think my army can win in a city made of ice with waterbenders at every corner ? the rational thing to do is a siege first .

 "Zhao threw my people to the lions and wished for the best : and that is to kill the moon. you protected the avatar long enough , until he could fix his own mistakes . his mistake was the fall of the north pole and you prevent ed it when you saved the avatar . "

 Zuko takes a deep breath. this whole conversation is making a dent in his mental stability.

 "Why does the world deem it fit to take away your accomplishments and give them to somebody else?

 "You saved the avatar`s life once more in ba sing se you saved him twice already, first in the south pole and then in the caverns , but nobody didn't thank ed you .

 "No matter what you do, they will never thank you because for them is your duty . it is something you have to do . is not something you want to do"

 Suddenly Katara starts to laugh but at the same time starts crying, a cry born from despair and sadness. unable to support herself, she hugs Zuko, pulling him as close as she can, her face on the firebender`s chest. after a short moment Katara speaks again, not pulling away from the chest that brings her warmth. like gentle flame.

 "You were my first true choice in this war,” Katara says. “I chose how to use the water. that is why I felt so betrayed: my only true choice, a choice with a deep impact.

 "I chose wrong, and you know what the worst part is? I would do it again, again and again . I saw kindness in you and my choice brought you back to me . I wouldn't trade that . "

 Zuko is shocked. he can't believe what he just heard. she chose him, she, the prodigy, a master, the most beautiful girl he has even seen, chose him. not knowing how to respond to her words, Zuko just hugs her like if his life depends on it.

 "I don't regret my biggest choice either,” he says. “I would speak up against my father and the general thousands of times. it is wrong sending warriors just to die. my people deserve better than that." Zuko gently pulls Katara away but just a little and watches her intensely. finally, he has an answer for why he chose Mai.

 "Katara, I want to make another mistake. a mistake I will never regret. though my reign may be incredibly more complicated because of my choice.

 "Mai is not my fate or destiny. because my destiny and  . I am going to stop the war and, in the process, save my nation: not only from my father but also from the other nations.

 "I refuse for Mai to be my destiny. my destiny is what I choose to do, and I chose saving my nation. my destiny is helping you. I will no longer be bound to the wishes of others because thanks to you and my uncle I now understand what is wrong and what is right," Zuko says proudly.

 "so Katara, the master water bender, the most prodigious of them all, may I request this:

Can your destiny be to betray the avatar "

 Katara watches Zuko intensely, trying to understand the deep meaning of his words. once again, just like in the catacombs, she makes the same choice.

 "My destiny is not be the avatar’s girl,” she says. “my destiny is help to people in need, to help this nation that needs all the help it can get, because nobody else will help them.

 "my destiny is be with the fire nation and you when the war is over .

 I am going to betray the love Aang has for me . I want to be with you.

 "I am going to betray the world, betray my father who will never allow me to be with a fire nation boy, betray my grandmother who will be disappointed in me for falling in love with a wonderful fire prince . I will betray my brother who wish es for me to be with the avatar .

 "I will again trade the world for you, my amazing , powerful bender . "

 She continues, "You know, a while ago somebody once said I was meant to be with a powerful bender, and you are one of the most powerful."

 At that moment both of them have no idea what to do, what to feel, what the future now holds for them after such a passionate kiss., a cute smile forms on Zuko's face; he clearly has an idea.

 “You know the room of the fire prince has an amazing bed, much better than yours. so what if today you sleep in my room? we are both tired after everything and I think we need a good night’s rest,” says the fire prince with a cocky smile, making his beautiful katara turn crimson just like his nation’s banner: a deep red.

 “Zuko , what the hell ! ”

 “I am serious, Katara. I don’t wanna, you know, do it; I just wanna cuddle with you. I know we won’t be together right now because of what you told to the avatar: there is no room for a relationship as long as the war continues, but still I wanna sleep next to you, cuddle with  you  be with you”

 Unable to respond to such words filled with love, especially because of that damn smile, the master bender has a weakness: Zuko`s smile.

 “Okay , Zuko , but let me get night clothes first.”

 Zuko watches Katara go away. as soon she is out of his sight, Zuko rushes into his room and makes it perfect: a perfect bed, no dust anywhere. Zuko must make it perfect; there is no way in hell he is going to mess this up, nothing and nobody will keep him away from this happy moment.

 Katara quietly tries to not wake up anyone. she slowly opens the door and without saying anything she lies in his “not a boyfriend for the moment until the war is over” bed.

for zuko it is an extremely awkward moment. neither of them know what to do. maybe questions flood his mind: should I ask her if I can cuddle with her or should I invite her into my bed first? lucky for both of them, they decide to go with their instincts. they gently lie next to each other and without a warning Katara feels how quickly Zuko embraces her. It appears Zuko’s dear Katara was extremely tired. she fell asleep almost immediately while Zuko wonders what’s next, what would happen if in the morning their team member opens the door of his room? Zuko is quite sure he is going to be the first to wake up after–all he rises with the sun.

should I wake up Katara as soon as I wake up or should I let her rest? Zuko wonders. suddenly the voice of Katara flashes into Zuko’s brain, something she said a while ago:

 “I love your smile , Zuko . it looks amazing on you and I like spending time with you .”

 Her words help him decide: he is going to let her rest and quietly wait until the door of his room opens so he can show everyone his smile and how Katara is happy when she is spending time with him.

[rovermcfly]

not that anyone asked for it but here's my Thunderheart novelization thoughts

also the sheer amount of micro-aggressions, especially from cooch. there is a lot of influence from the 4th script draft still in there. at this point I'm surprised they didn't include even more in the movie than they already have. racism in general is, probably realistically so, much more directly expressed.

I'm surprised by some of the differences to the movie, especially Ray's characterisation as pretty hot-headed and short-fused, especially giving Cooch lip from the start. Also the additional details like his growing up on the rez, trying to erase that from his file, all that was pretty bold. the movie seems to suggest a backstory of him being entirely out of touch, never having grown up around his own people and only knowing his father but choosing to erase his memory from his mind (but not to the point of erasing him from his file. his disdain seems more passive, less aggressive. like he thinks if he forgets and denies it will just go away), but just in general chooses ambiguity.

novel Walter is 💯💯🔥🔥 absolutely adore the way he's written. the same snark as movie walter but with much more of a touch of profoundness. "The expression in Crow Horse's eyes reminded Ray of Grandpa Reaches, sad and gentle and far-seeing all at the same time." is my favourite way that side of him is described. and I thought I loved him in the movie already, but the lines they wrote for him in the novel absolutely blew me away. I think they probably wouldn't have worked so well and felt too inauthentic on screen but some of them live very rent free in my mind. I'd die for novel walter.

I do like that it canonises that ray hears the drums and it's really significant. the soundtrack and sound design is one of the movie's strongest features, especially in marking all these significant moments. so having them be a part of Ray's visions is really nice.

What I really disliked is the way Maggie is described all the time. It is important for the movie that she has dignity and power and is not sexualised or otherwise a caricature. I understand she's pretty and mentioning that when first describing her, but the constant objectification is really just disgusting and yet another form of violence that Native women are constant victims of. It really really took away a lot of the good for me, she should've been treated with respect. this way the novel just perpetuates what the story takes a stand against. And I know it's supposed to be mainly Ray's POV but nobody forced them to write it that way.

I also found the Stronghold standoff very anticlimactic in the novel, when it's one of the strongest scenes in the movie. it was just lacking for some reason, too much talking and yet no clear stance and statement was made, overall the impact of the moment just wasn't there.

Overall I liked the novelization. It's about as captivating a read as the movie is captivating a watch. It clearly adapted more than just the film, taking several elements from earlier versions of the script. There were parts that, to me, deviated too much from the movie, making it feel like a different story, but as such it was overall good. Especially Ray feels like a different character in many ways. I still think the movie has a certain edge the novel lacks. Not sure how enjoyable a read it would be for someone doesn't already love the movie, but if you liked it it's a nice kinda alternate version to enjoy if you want more.

It's available to read for free on archive.org

[vinxwatches]

the owl house s3.e2 for the future

finally watching it, i've seen some spoilers... well... a lot of spoilers by waiting, but i'm sure i'll still love watching it the first time. also damn 50 minutes? nice.

i love that the new bbeg, the most powerful living being we've seen in the show is a kid, with bright kid colours. oh, that's a horrifying way of taking people out. i mean better then turning people to stone, but way more unsettling. how Raine looks up at Eda when she transforms. the reason she left them was because of the curse, and they are not scared, just in awe. so short, yet so impactful.

wait, the curse is still also a problem? bit odd. i thought the whole deal was that she kind of merged with the curse, no longer needing potions to keep it in check. not a fan of this... change?

oh, back here. that's not a good sign.

weird connection to make but damn if the changed boiling isles doesn't remind me of the sistar system from the lego movie 2, which is unsettling to characters in the same way.

pffffff, Luz hurts me. i've been in that headspace, it's not good for you but when you're in it it's really hard to see that. deny yourself your own joy, your own life, for the sake of others.

oh no, Willows mental state may be the worst of all. just convince yourself it's fine, surely there'd be no problems boiling up with that.

i love that sparkles are a huge danger. i love that Luz protects others more then herself even in just small animations. and good god that is horrifying. oh gods, it's the collector pretending to be Luz... that's.... that's just messed up in a very curious way.

yay the multi track students are still (partially) alive. oh shit it's most of the school. really curious of where they're going with the kids with no guidance thing.

seriously falling apart belos, gruesomely showing bones and losing limbs is less out of place in this kids show then everything collector related.

oh, Odalia lives... of course she does.

the collector is amazingly unsettling, a kid with ultimate power and no sense for what'll kill people. oh, OH, their very nature is... wrong. they collect things, including people. and now it reminds me of the ruby phoenix from dice will roll who too was walking the path of villainy. oh and if people interfere destroy their whole planet... fuck. and the collector knows it, and decides not to, and doesn't want to be alone... fuck how to solve this problem?

Eda is still very Eda, and yay for that sibling bond... and what the FUCK happened to Liliths hair?!

"did you ever had any doubts in your mind?" "yes. many, many doubts."

"are you ok?" "i don't know" fuck that's powerful, and something i'm probably too familiar with.

so she was familiar, yet i didn't see though it. that's impressive in animation.

really love that they talked about everyone clearly needing therapy after all this, that this is too much for a kid. something never talked about before in a kid show i know of.

yep, welcome to the breakdown of Willow. also really reminds me of this animation of the nowhereking https://youtu.be/LZT6hrgPxPI

oh, so that's why all titans are dead...

i love Camila's fuck ups. true serious fuck ups that are just so real.

oh, that's a realization Luz just had... and... i'm going to have to process that a lot. Luz gets her magic "with a darkside" (:

"Luz has a staff" "why does that make me nervous" i mainly watch stories for the story, the arc, but i do love good humour.

i really can't wait for the next part. trying to redeem the most dangerous thing... wait... THE COLLECTOR IS JUST FUCKING DISCORD!!!

[tragcdysewn]

was that dove cameron? oh no no, that was just lumine, a canon character from genshin impact. they are twenty five years old, use she/her, and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here:

a little under three years

what is your character’s job:

she takes up odd jobs like deliveries and pet sitting

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom:

it changes as the game goes on, but right now, the end of the fontaine storyline

has any magic affected your character:

none beyond making her unaware for a bit!

and any other information you might find useful for us and the other members to know:

lumine is primarily known as the traveler, because she arrived in the world of teyvat with her twin brother aether as falling stars. her true age is unknown, all that's known is that the twins are far older than they look.

aether explored for a while without her, while she was asleep, but woke her up when the gods destroyed the nation of khaen'riah for their crimes against the other seven nations

they tried to flee teyvat, but were stopped by an unknown god, who stole aether away and put lumine in a deep sleep, her powers and wings taken away from her

when she woke, she began looking for her brother, going across teyvat and trying to find the gods to see if any of them have any information about what happened to aether. so far, she's traversed five of the seven nations, and has uncovered a lot more than she expected

at the beginning of her journey, she discovered that she possessed the ability to wield various elements of the world, without the vision that citizens of teyvat would require, as well as being able to acquire all of them, rather than being restricted to one like a vision holder would be

as she traveled across teyvat, she ended up involved in wars and defeating monsters, as well as making an enemy of the crime organization known as the fatui

she eventually managed to find aether, only to be told that the time yet wasn't right for them to reunite, that she needed to finish her journey across the continent and find the truth of the world before they could be siblings again

it only made her more determined, and she continued on her journey, though she still has a long way to go before she can complete her quest and find her brother

lumine is rather quiet, but friendly, and an absolute bleeding heart. she can't deny people help when they need it, even when she tries. she tries so hard to avoid the war in inazuma, but upon seeing how much the people are suffering, she immediately joins up, she's easy to befriend, even if she acts otherwise

[b-is-for-borderline]

Ok, I might really regret this but I believe in hearing those I disagree with so I can at least try to understand where they are coming from. After all, how can I be comfortable saying I disagree if I don’t at least try to understand what they are saying

So, TERFs.

I am a gay man. 100% I like men. Have yet to be attracted to a woman. Even the “trans women are still men”, yeah have yet to have my dick rise for a transwomen. 

Yet

My first crush, that made me know I was gay and not Bi or curious, was Sam Collins, the Transman Youtuber. 

Now I have no idea what his genitals are, nor did my attraction change for him  based on the possibility he didn’t have bottom surgery. 

Like, might be TMI but I think its the perfect amount here, I am a power bottom. Without a dick I will not be satisfied, and realistically if I’m not sexually satisfied then the relationship might not be viable. 

But to me, that is secondary on inital attraction. As far as I’m concerned, he is a man, and I was really attracted. 

And I am 100% okay with a phalloplasty. I’ve been with men who have had that before (FYI, most phallos are on Cis men for medical reasons) and from my experience as long as they’ve had implants they are golden. 

My issue is, why is it every time I talk to a rad fem they try to gatekeep my sexuality. 

Like, look, I’m gay and a man not having either a penis or a neo-penis is an issue for me. But realistically, there are cis men who don’t have penises. Them not having workable penises for me does not impact on me being attracted to them as a gay guy.

Nor would I question someone being gay if they liked men but were cool with men with fannys. them being gay is up to them. It doesn’t affect me

Like I never thought I would defend Arielle Scarcella, But at least she understands that me being attracted to men that might not have a penis does not make me less gay. Her exact words were that a woman having a vagina was key for her sexuality, but she wouldn’t deny another women her lesbianism because she’s with a transwoman who still has her penis. 

Like, could actual rad fems please explain to me why they either 1. disagree with the gatekeeping on me being gay

or 2.  why they know more about my sexuality than me. 

Also, I’m tagging LGBT things cause I want this to be civil. I want people like me to read and at least try to see the other side. 

[imkylotrash]

Darkness Hides Our Flaws

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan x reader

Requests: She is a Tidemaker. No one knows they're married just that she's extremely powerful. She feels insecure with the whole Alina thing but she goes along with it cause it's part of the plan. She uses his real last name so people don't suspect them. Anonymous And She's the second in command. They've been together for a couple centuries. Alina does something to make her angry and she attacks her during training. The darkling and her get into a fight because she thinks he loves Alina. She’s sent on a mission cause of what happened with Alina. Her group is attacked and killed and everyone thinks she's dead but she was kidnapped by Fjerda. Anonymous

Tagging: @bitchwhytho​ @music-of-melody​ @shadowhuntyi​ @alice-the-nerd​ @bshelley322​ 

A/N I wasn’t sure if you meant his name in the Netflix show or his name in the book, so I did both. 

You hate her from the moment she arrives. You’re not supposed to. She’s the Saint Aleksander has been waiting for. It’s a good thing she’s here, but you still just hate her. There’s something about the way he watches Alina that makes you cringe. It’s that pent up hatred towards her that makes you snap when he asks you to train her. 

“I love you, Aleksander Morozova, but I will not spend any more time with her than needed.” You slip on your blue kefta taking a final look in the mirror before turning towards the man you consider the love of your very long life. His eyes are soft, but you know what hides within him. He’s angry that you’re refusing him. 

“I beg your pardon?” He moves toward you with the kind of grace you’ve only ever seen a Shadow Summoner possess. It’s as if he moves with the shadows. 

“You heard me. I know she’s part of your plan but I don’t care for her.” You don’t admit the insecurity you feel watching him with her. You’re a Tidemaker and she’s the Sun Summoner. The final piece of his puzzle to control the Fold entirely. Sometimes he looks at Alina as if she truly is a Saint. 

“I’m not asking you to care for her. I’m asking you to train her.” You’re really not proud to admit that you’re jealous of her. You’ve been alive for centuries and still, you feel threatened by a whining, little girl. You let him cup your cheek with his hand but it doesn’t change anything for you. Alina will have to train with the others. 

“Don’t force my hand. It won’t end well.” He kisses your forehead with such tenderness, you know that you’ve already lost the argument in advance. You’re his second in command, his right hand, and you can’t deny him. Of course, you’re right when you say that it won’t end well. 10 minutes after she arrives in your private training quarters, you’re fighting the urge to drown her just for the sake of it. 

“How long has Aleksander-”

“I will not be discussing General Kirigan. If you wish to know, ask him.” You signal for her to come at you again but it’s just too easy. The girl has no idea how to pack a punch, and you feel a little better for every slap and punch you hit her with. You know it’s an awful thing to feel, but you’re not hurting her - it’s nothing compared to what the Fjerdans would do to her. 

“Do better,” you say blocking yet another of her attacks. She’s only using half of her strength, but you’re not here to let her hold back. The sooner she learns to fight, the sooner you can go back to avoiding her. 

“I think I enjoyed practice with Aleksander more.” She doesn’t understand the impact of what she just said but you see red. He never told he’d been training her. Your hands shake as you manipulate the water from the ewer forcing it down Alina’s throat. She’s drowning in a matter of seconds. 

“What did you just say?” Unfortunately, this is how he finds the two of you. Alina choking on the water you’re controlling. His presence makes you lose focus, and she start coughing up the water immediately. He doesn’t have to say anything for you to know just how angry he is right now. 

“My office. Now.” He helps Alina stand letting her lean on him as they walk out the door. You’re ready to drown yourself rather than face his rage. You just risked the life of his stupid Saint, and you know he’ll berate you for being foolish. But you’re not expecting the level of cruelty when you enter his office. Shadows surrounds you and while they don’t hurt you, you still feel fear kick in.

“It’s not nice to choke on others’ ability, is it?” You keep quiet instead taking a few steps forward. The shadows follow you preventing you from seeing anything. 

“She said you’d been training her already. I don’t like feeling like a fool.” 

“I trained her abilities, not her fighting skills.” It doesn’t make you feel any better because it still means he’s spent days and nights alone with her without bothering to tell you. 

“Let me go.” He doesn’t retract the shadows, but you don’t need to see to feel the water in his body. It’s fun being a Tidemaker when you start thinking about just how much of one’s body consist of water. It’s almost too easy to reach out and grab hold of his lungs. It doesn’t take long before the shadows retreat, and you instantly let go of your hold over his body. You hate fighting with him. 

“I’ll need you to lead a team up North. We’ve got a lead on the stag.” It’s an excuse to send you away, and you both know it. But you’re happy to go. At least, you won’t have to watch him fawn over Alina then. 

“Fine.” It’s the last word you say to him before leaving. None of you expect Fjerdans to find you and actually manage to kill five Grishas as well as take you prisoner. You can only imagine how distraught he’ll be when he hears everyone is dead. But Fjerdans don’t know Small Science, and you do. It’s almost too easy once you slip out of the entrapment they’ve made for Grisha. You take pleasure in their screams, as they run for their lives. Unfortunately, you’ve never been good at showing mercy. 

You’re half dead by the time you make it back to the Little Palace. Fedyor is the first to find you convinced he’s seeing things. 

“We thought you were dead!” he exclaims catching you as you collapse. Later, you’ll find out that there was a ceremony to mourn you and the group of Grishas lost, but right now you’re struggling to focus on Fedyor’s face long enough to realise his mouth is moving. 

“... to the infirmary.” You zoom in on the sound of his voice still not able to catch all of it. At one point, you lose consciousness and when you wake up, he’s sitting right next to your bed in the infirmary. 

“I thought you died.” You’re surprised to see his eyes glistening. He’s never shown this much emotion outside of the privacy of your own quarters. 

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” You try to smile but your muscles refuse to respond. Your body is simply too tired. 

“I sent you on that mission. My love, I am truly sorry.” No part of you feels angry with Aleksander. You’re just happy to be back with him. 

“It’s not the first time Fjerdans thought they could kill me,” you say earning a tiny smile from him. You don’t even care about Alina anymore. You just need to feel his warmth surround you in every way. He must sense your need somehow, because he crawls into bed with you wrapping his arms around you. 

“We have about 20 minutes before the guards return.” You snuggle up even closer closing your eyes. 

“I love you, Aleksander Morozova.” 

“I love you more.” 

[husbandohunter]

The Calamity in our Stars [Sentient AU! Genshin Impact x Isekai!Reader] Part 1

Synopsis: Knowing all of the events of Genshin Impact you were sucked into their world with the power of awareness. Anyone who touches your hand will realize the truth, breaking the fourth wall.

(When the guys find out they're in a video game)

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya Albedo

Heads up: a bit lore heavy

"Dear anon who requested this, I accidentally deleted your ask when trying to remove the unfinished version!!! But I remember your sentences, big brain scenarios are so much fun to write, thank you for your request~"

====================

~Introduction~

In the world of Teyvat, the sky was a lie and the frauds were the gods. History repeats the story of mankind's arrogation and how it knows no limits stemmed by their unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Hence, to protect the heavens, the gods concealed the truth as much as they could. 

‘Twas the will of the Supreme Ruler that commanded all of Khaenri’ah to be punished with the power of every divine for breaking their laws. The gods did it for peace but what is peace in lies and destruction? Peace is an illusion, a dreamland-- and those who once dreamt of dreaming were determined to shatter through it’s deceitful walls. 

Two stars hailing from worlds afar, together they were inseparable, now they stand on opposite ends. The first being Lumine, she who woke up into the fall of Khaenri’ah five centuries ago has claimed the Abyss under her rule. She led the mages and waged war against humanity, her heart too broken to recognize hope once more. Lumine did it for justice yet her actions only brought more injustice to the innocent civilians living in Freedom’s city. She will continue to create nightmares across the lands, with her own hands, as if, trying to bury the naivety she used to have. Justice for unjust. If she can’t be happy, if her people can’t be happy, then no one else deserves to be happy either. 

Then there was Aether, the fortunate twin, the star who still kept his light. He pursues a path full of righteousness and fights for those in need. Despite the glory he earned, Aether only had one simple wish-- to see Lumine again, his precious other half. And when he did, he looked into her golden eyes to see all that he couldn’t. Aether slayed many dangerous beasts, defeated an ancient god, saved Liyue and saved all of mankind, however, he couldn’t save a broken heart. What did she experience that changed her so much? Why was she so adamant about destroying the heavens? If he had to travel to the ends of the earth to understand the pain she went through then he would do it in a heartbeat. He will do anything to bring back that luminous glow which once danced in her eyes. All for Lumine, everything for his sister.

Through your computer screen you watched the whole scenario play out between the siblings, from start to finish, after ten years Mihoyo finally decided to draw the conclusion to their story. Like their previous games it was always a tragic ending. The hero falls in front of the Supreme Ruler, bleeding all over as he grabs onto his sword for support. She smiles down at him sinisterly with a dark orb pulsing by her fingertips and says,

"At last, your journey ends here outlander. It was a mistake for you to try and defy our laws."

Your heart beats loudly in your chest, a hand gripping tightly around your mouse in anticipation. Over the course of time you've grown to love each and every character. Their sadness was your sadness and their joy was your joy. You couldn't help but feel useless while watching Aether struggle in his final moments. Despite all that he went through, was this his outcome? Is this all you could do?

"No…" the blonde boy denies, "What Lumine said, I think I understand now. She wasn't doing it to kill you, she was doing it to protect us," his voice cracks at the mention of his sister's name, "But you killed her…!"

The Supreme Ruler, Asmoday, remained indifferent to the boy's grief. The same expression she had when she took Lumine's life.

"That's why I'm going to put an end to this cycle, not for me. For her," Aether declared, the hilt of his held sword shaking in the process, "I'm going to reweave the strings of fate and break through these walls. Even if it erases my existence."

Your eyes burst open. Aether turned his head. Gold. He was looking directly your way.

I'm counting on you.

With a roar from his mouth, Aether channels all his energy into the sky and forms a crack in it's void. The space around you begins to spiral out of control simultaneously. No time to protest and no time to scream, you were sucked into your computer with nothing but your clothes. The air whips around your face from the impact of the deafening force of gravity as you were falling right into a river.

Starfell Lake's river.

Coughing a few times you climbed upon the cliffs, "What...on earth," and saw a familiar city in front of you. It's beauty was breathtaking, something you've always wished to see up close, until you remembered where you came from, "Mondstadt? Wait! This can't be."

And that's when you realized that you were thrown into a world against your will and the only way out was to finish what was started.

{Diluc}

Fate was something Diluc thought bore no meaning when life was meant to be taken by one's own hands. He sincerely believed he already found his own purpose, fighting against evil while living for the sake of surviving and abandoning things that were deemed unnecessary even at the cost of his own happiness. Diluc wanted to find meaning in all his misfortunes, knowing that only those who triumph through darkness can see the dawn.

Henceforth, the sun arrives. When he reached the top of Starnatch Cliff, Diluc saw you for the very first time. Like a sighing breath the wind cascades along your hair as you turn around slowly, your wondrous gaze taking his. It’s Diluc, the Darknight Hero!!! He couldn’t understand your prolonged staring, though he was guilty of it as well. You had a distinct aura that he couldn’t describe through words, your eyes were distant like the galaxies itself with a little bit of enigma. He was good at judging first impressions, a skill he developed through his lone ventures and among the prestigious people he met, you were the only one who was able to entrance him in a single glance.

Erm, what should I say? A greeting? How do you greet someone in Teyvat...you scattered your brain for any references you could find and formed an eloquent yet awkward sentence, “Greetings good sir, how do you do today!”

Diluc returns his signature unimpressed look. You sweatdropped, remembering that he was the type to dislike idle chit chat. But before you could leave the conversation, he adds in and tells you, “Nothing to complain about. However, I have never seen anyone in Mondstadt wearing your kind of attire. Where are you from?”

Ah, he was suspicious of you. Very much like Diluc indeed.

Although Diluc intended to keep an eye on you, as he would on any unfamiliar figure that could be a potential threat, he easily falls prey to your unparalleled friendliness. Most people would shy away from the Master Diluc as his atmosphere can be suffocating at times but you treat him like anyone else, like he wasn’t a noble to begin with. You somehow knew exactly what to say during the times he needed to hear those words the most. About his father, about his life. It was as if you understood him, completely, even more than himself.

In return he looks at you with reverence. Perhaps you were an old childhood friend he had long forgotten. What other can explain this deep rooted connection he felt? Or perhaps there is a possibility that fate did exist after all.

But in a way you were just as distant. While you were so open to knowing the world around you, your face still hid a glimpse of a lost soul trying to find something, especially when you looked at the stars. Diluc couldn’t help recognize that similar emotion. Like sailing through the unknown sea, trying to find a lighthouse, a destination, questioning why you were here in the first place. Just like he was questioning all his events. Why were you so hesitant when talking about your home? Why did you seem sad when mentioning where you received your powers? Why do you always flinch as he tries to hold your hand? Didn’t you tell him that you also felt the same way?

“I’m sorry Diluc,” you sadly apologized, remembering what Dainsleif said in his collected miscellany, if Diluc saw what he saw and what you saw then it would most definitely shake his resolve. Even so the guilt of lies eventually consumes you, “You deserve to know the truth.”

When you cupped your soft hands over his calloused ones, a wave of memories flash through his head. All the things he couldn’t understand, now he knows why. He finally found the answer to everything he ever questioned in the cruelest, devastating and defeating way possible.

His life was a game.

Diluc leans against the wall in quiet exasperation, clutching his red locks against his face, the frightened man says, “All of this...for nothing?”

Nothing. Nothing was his reply. Nothing to gain in his suffering-- the experience between his adopted brother and him nor was there any significance in his father’s sacrifice. The reason why you acted the way you were was because he was just a character in a setup for someone’s own selfish entertainment. That his feelings didn’t matter to begin with. Did they ever matter? He already tried to discard them a long time ago but they rushed back like drowning in the stormy sea, blood pulsing through his veins as his expression switched from disbelief to anger. Every thought and every comforting advice you’ve said was because…

“You knew about this,” he whispered, disheartened. His trust broken, mind awoken as he kept the words that were left unspoken. Because he still cared about you regardless even if: you’re one of them.

“No I-” I didn’t mean to. Your mouth stops short before spilling out your sentence. Was that really felt? Or a veil to live in a dreamland? The purpose of playing a game was to entertain yourself, the more the characters went through turmoil the more interesting the story became. Did you really care about Diluc? Or you pitied him because he was a tragic hero and you thought you could save him just to satisfy your own worth as a self-proclaimed hero?

Since then Diluc was never the same again. He was once a passionate man holding justice and value close to his heart. Now as if the flames had been stamped out, he acted indifferently. He questioned everything, the denial in him searching for a spark yet not even a flicker. That his venture through the darkness did not end with dawn, there was no dawn, only infinite nothingness.

Diluc knew one solution to all of this-- revenge. To the false gods who brought upon his misfortunes and those sentient beings that stringed it all together. And you. You? A part of him still reasons that it wasn’t entirely your fault as you were also a victim to their cause but he couldn’t be too sure anymore. He couldn’t trust anyone. He was torn apart and nothing could fix that.

Sometimes you wonder if what Aether did was the right decision. If he truly believed that only the truth would set you free. But then why did it trap you in a prison of regret?

{Kaeya}

Kaeya denies fate, continuously, with every breath he takes. But fate does not deny him.

He wondered if he ever had a choice in life. The Prince of Khaenri’ah wears his crown like chains made of bones and flesh, out from his dead ancestors who failed to exact their vengeance. You are our last hope, the weight of his father’s palm rests upon his head when he said those dutiful words, a reminder of who he is. Kaeya became stranded alone in this vast land of freedom. Freedom. Does that mean he was free? No, his hoe never left him to begin with, it stays in his mind, it echoes through the last memory of his father, it runs in his veins. Freedom was a wish, a dream and like his ancestors, he was cursed to continue dreaming of this dream.

That is why Kaeya lives everyday through short pleasures and alcohol as if they were a daring adventure. He cared less of the consequences that came with it. Everything was going to be temporary anyways so mind as well enjoy them while they last.

Behind the screen you always took the initiative to search for the Cavalry Captain but the current situation demands a different outcome. He was meant to be avoided. Kaeya is capable of great intelligence and the last thing you wanted was for him to find out that you were a suspicious visitor with no identifiable background roaming near the Favonius Headquarters. Though your presence was quite noticeable due to the attire you wore and somehow he found his way over to your space in his usual sneaky manner.

“Ah what a pleasant surprise. You must be the new traveller everyone in Mondstadt has been talking about these days,” Kaeya speaks charmingly, a singular eye sharpening out of mischief, “What brings you here? Certainly it must be tiring to venture off from your distant homeland.”

Amusement is what had drawn him to you. He found you hard to read and your actions unpredictable, Kaeya wanted to make a game out of it. How long will it take for that mask of yours to break until your true self has been revealed? After all, everyone hides behind a mask in one way or another, in order to survive. He knew that better than anyone. It was how he lived his whole life. It was what he, himself, had to do in order to survive.

Because everything that happened to his past relationship with Diluc was shattered from the truth.

Then why is he so obsessed with revealing others?

Well, misery loves company.

But in your company Kaeya made the mistake of allowing himself to get too involved. The heart wants what it wants no matter how much he tries to shield it away. Like a delectable drink he fell deeply into the spell of intense infatuation, the way you showed yourself without remorse. Oftentimes he would take advantage of someone’s spilled secrets however he couldn’t bring himself to do the same here. You were similar to him, that you both share a burdened responsibility. He could hear it in your tone, he could tell by your body language and he could catch the hidden remarks of what he assumes to be about your homeland. Just like him, you were trying to find ways to distract yourself from your responsibilities. Unlike him, you did it in ways that he would have never thought of. Your eyes still held hope for a brighter future which expanded to the horizon he couldn’t even see. You believed through every turmoil there was a light at the end of the tunnel and like a moth to a flame, he was drawn to your light.

The warmth of your hand he takes, became one of his worst decisions later on.

“Ha…”

Staggering back, Kaeya simply laughs, mouth parting to reveal a set of brilliant white teeth. He knew it. All of the events happening in his life, every single one of them were stringed together for some grand scheme. He constantly wondered, why did the stars choose him? And for what reason? To be a hero? Or a villain? To be anything at the very least just no this. Kaeya was relieved that he finally had some sort of answer but at the same time, distraught to know he was a means to an end. He once thought he would be stuck in a long battle against fate. Though it seems fate had already won the game.

You never saw Kaeya again. Or rather, he chose to keep his distance again.

The Cavalry Captain spends his days in deep thought while sipping his drink. Even Diluc began worrying to the point he pushed himself to approach his brother despite not being on very good terms. Instead of answering him, Kaeya pushes him away, noticeably, it was unlike his usual slick manner. The truth had always damaged Kaeya and he should have known better to cut ties with you sooner before the whole thing happened. Was there any point in carrying out his father’s will? Was there any point in being a spy? Was there....any point in thinking of an answer to all his questions?

For the first time in the longest he cries. The man drops to his knees before hunching forward, letting his tears stain the floor. Someone must be watching behind the screen as he was in this pathetic state, someone must be writing his next move and every outcome. It didn't matter to him anymore. Kaeya already gave up long ago.

{Albedo}

What is the truth of the universe?

To Albedo, the question was not only a formula that must be solved but served as the last memory of his Master before she left him alone. Eventually, that memory became the center of his universe.

Who am I? What am I? Why am I here?

Albedo observed the branch in his grasp. Plants grow when they are nurtured by the sun and children grow as their parents guide them through life’s experiences. Nature and nurture. The law he didn’t belong in. Just like the leyline branch he held he was a force created by unnatural usage of alchemy, however, a part of him yearns for that companionship. Perhaps this was the reason why he was so obsessed with the universe? His Master had high expectations over Albedo whenever she gave him an assignment and would leave if he were to fail. Hence completing his task would prompt her to come back. After all, any child wants the presence of their parent and Albedo was no exception to that.

The alchemist relentlessly searches. Even obtaining some achievements and high praise from the Knights but none of that mattered to him when his purpose was greater than the tasks they had given. He went through every book, every place, every trench of Dragonspine’s wrath. Still, he couldn’t find the answer. Albedo would sometimes ponder that his Master purposely gave him an impossible assignment as an excuse of some sort. Not to abandon him but allow him the freedom to choose what it means to live a happy life. Yet a part of him believed he may never see her again because to this day, Albedo struggles to understand what a happy life is.

In the middle of his predicament, he stumbles upon your arrival.

“You carry the aura of the stars.”

There was no fooling him. Albedo immediately knew you were an outlander coming from a world that carries all his answers.

Chalk pursues gold, you recall what Dainsleif once said in the prophecy readings. If Albedo were to know too much then he’ll turn into the monster that once threw Khaenri’ah and all its people into dismay using his creations. So you refrained from telling him, thinking that you could change his fate and save him from that ending.

Of course, Albedo did not understand. Whatever caught his attention he was persistent to break it down. There was a time where he was close to bribing you with the possibility of helping you find your home but even to that offer, you resisted. Who would’ve thought a person can be so stubborn under no given reason. He felt somewhat irritated for once. Though, as an alchemist, Albedo knew there was a process for everything and he figured that he had to gain your trust first before diving into details.

It wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

So much effort was involved in connecting with people. How do you gain someone’s trust? Albedo consulted with Sucrose: it comes naturally. He went to the Acting Grandmaster for help: assist with the intent to care. He asked several more people he knew and they all boiled down to one principle: humanity. But what does it take to be human?

The more Albedo spent time with you, he somehow discovered a little more about himself. Like him, you also had no one to tell you or guide you through your journey as you searched for the reason why you were here. It was a lonely task, he knew that much when he realized how distant he grew from the others when he became too indulged in his research. At first loneliness was only a word by definition to describe his standpoint, now loneliness was a feeling when he looked at you. And it was through that loneliness he found what companionship meant-- to connect.

So he connects his hand with yours and knowledge consumes him.

The truth of this universe...is all just a game.

Just a game.

Albedo’s mind draws a blank as his eyes stare into space. Is that it? Throughout all his trial and errors, the effort he put in and the relentless hours to no rest for such an anticlimactic answer? This brand new feeling of awareness brought him to question himself, what role does he play as one of the key characters in the game? Why did the creators make him a monster in the first place? How did they create all this?

“Master, I have completed the assignment you gave me. About the truth of this universe it wasn’t what I expected to be,” he says to himself, red and purple veins pulsing around his body as he was transforming.

You couldn’t bear to look at him. It was too late. He went too far to be saved.

Within the last moments you slowly walked towards the alchemist, wrapping your arms around him in a solemn manner.

“I’m sorry that your Master left you like this.”

He finally understands the meaning behind his existence. What it means to feel, shed tears and be human. Why he was so fixated on a single goal. Master Rhinedottir was his only kin and all he wanted was to see her again. Hence he returns to your embrace, whispering that everything will be okay and that he has no regrets.

[swtorramblings]

Second Chances-4: The Root of the Problem

Root instructing Claudia in her new reality, while the Machine watches, by @fleeting-sanity​.

Second Chances chapter list

Claudia shattered the Staff of the Sun Elves, denying its power to her father, and has found herself in another world, a strange world. Our world. A world with its own dangers.

The calculations were out of joint. There were always unexpected events, anomalies, but these were unprecedented. The Machine had no numbers, no predictions, no way of calculating their impact.

She predicted, though, that it would be severe. People don’t suddenly appear without being significant. The only real question was whether their effect would be positive or negative.

She was in the middle of a call. She didn’t really want to end it, but there was work to do.

“Sorry, sweetie, I’ve got a job. You’re probably going to be busy, too.”

She disconnected, then thought about what she would say, how she would present herself, and left the apartment. It probably didn’t matter, this number was a wild card, there was no way to plan around her, not really. Still, the video showed she was confused, but curious. Perhaps eager to learn. She might be able to work with that.

She’d have to hurry, there were already reports going to the police about the odd girl, she’d be picked up soon.

---

Claudia was still staring at herself in the glass when she heard the strange sound, a kind of warbling scream. Then she saw the flashing lights down the great road as the, what were they? Carts? Carts would do. Magical carts swerved around the corner and moved toward her.

Then came the voice. “Run, girl! Run, you can’t let them catch you.” She looked around, trying to find the voice. There was no one on the street, but there was a figure in the glass now that hadn’t been before, pointing towards a nearby passage away from the crowd, away from the smoke spewing things speeding by. Away from danger? She couldn’t be sure.

She ran where she was shown, just as the carts pulled up nearby. She heard what had to be doors opening and a good deal of shouting from behind her. Then the voice again. “Fifth door on your left, fast as you can.”

She glanced over her shoulder at just the wrong moment, tripping into a metal cylinder filled with waste, her tattered robes now soaked with filth from what spilled out. She got to her feet and began counting the doors.

She got to the door and pushed it open, ducking inside and closing it behind her, locking it with the voice’s help in the dark. She heard the, she supposed, city guard in the alley, searching. Then they were at the door.

“Oh, don’t worry, they won’t come in unless you give them a reason to.” She opened her mouth to answer, but the voice shushed her, so she sat alone in the dark. She felt like crying but didn’t. She couldn’t, not in front of the voice. Below the voice? Behind the voice? Whatever.

She woke with a start. It was quiet and even darker. The much had dried, leaving her robes and hair a sticky mess. “OK, it’s dark, the police are gone, are you awake enough to move?”

She nodded, wondering if that was enough. It was. “Good. Do what I tell you and soon you’ll be safe. Safer, anyway. And maybe you can get clean.” She followed her benefactor’s instructions. She could see it was nighttime, and there was less activity, but it was still bright enough to see clearly, strange torches hanging overhead.

This was all she had wanted. For humans to have the power of magic. This was good, wasn’t it?

Soon, she was directed to a rusted metal gate. She pushed it aside and stepped through.

A woman appeared at the door ahead, beckoning her. She spoke with a familiar voice. “I thought you’d never get here.”

Claudia stepped toward the stranger, looking for a trap, not sure she cared if it was one. She was tired and lost. But she finally asked, not who are you, but the more important question. “What do you want with me?”

“Oh, I don’t know yet! It’s exciting, isn’t it? But come inside, we went through a lot of trouble to get you here.”

Claudia stepped inside. There wasn’t anything else to do. “Why do you have the same voice?”

The woman grinned. “That’s complicated. It’s my voice. Could you hear me?”

“Yes?”

“Great! Let’s get you cleaned up, get you some fresh clothes, and then we’ll talk.”

---

Claudia came out, cleaner than she ever thought she would be again, soap and hot water and something called a luffa washing it all away. The clothes were comfortable, maybe a bit itchy. She went and sat and waited for the strange woman.

“Hey, there, girl,” she said with false cheer. She seemed friendly, but Claudia found something there that frightened her. “You can call me Root, and you’re messing with our algorithms.”

She blinked, hesitated, and all she could say was, “What?”

“This is going to take a while, isn’t it?”

“What’s going to take a while?”

“Your education.”

She thought that sounded like a challenge. “I’m a fast learner.”

“You’d better be.” Root gestured at a slender piece of metal on the table nearby.“This is for you.”

She picked it up, examined it, and found it unfolded, revealing a set of rune-carved keys on one half, and a flat surface of some sort on the other. “Some sort of puzzle? A way of doing magic in your world?”

“Magic? Some people think so. I hope you can do better. You can hear her, so we can work with that, but hope is never something to count on.”

And then Claudia began to learn a new magic, indeed, but not Dark, instead  made of points of light.

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3.5/5

Book Blurb: An awkward first date leads to a sparkling romance between one of the most powerful witches in town and a magical newbie in this rom-com by Lana Harper, New York Times bestselling author of Payback’s a Witch. Even though she won’t deny her love for pretty (and pricey) things, Nineve Blackmoore is almost painfully down-to-earth and sensible by Blackmoore standards. But after a year of nursing a broken heart inflicted by the fiancée who all but ditched her at the altar, the powerful witch is sick of feeling low and is ready to try something drastically different: a dating app. At her best friend’s urging, Nina goes on a date with Morty Gutierrez, the nonbinary, offbeat soul of spontaneity and co-owner of the Shamrock Cauldron. Their date goes about as well as can be expected of most online dates—awkward and terrible. To make matters worse, once Morty discovers Nina’s last name, he’s far from a fan; it turns out that the Blackmoores have been bullishly trying to buy the Shamrock out from under Morty and his family. But when Morty begins developing magical powers—something that usually only happens to committed romantic partners once they officially join a founding family—at the same time that Nina’s own magic surges beyond her control, Nina must manage Morty’s rude awakening to the hidden magical world, uncover its cause, and face the intensity of their own burgeoning connection. But what happens when that connection is tied to Nina’s power surge, a power she’s finding nearly as addictive as Morty’s presence in her life?

Review:

An awkward first date between two people who are complete opposites... who also happen to be family rivals ... and who just might been witch bound.... aka they are technically considered married by witches. Nineve Blackmoore is a lawyer who is also a nerd, she comes from the Blackmoore family, one of the most powerful families in Thistle Groove... who are also not well received by the other families. She is struggling under the pressure that her mother constantly puts her under and is still reeling from when her ex-fiancee dumped her one week before the wedding saying she couldn’t be with someone who suffocates her and was so boring. So when Nina comes back to town for the holidays and her best friend suggests she go for someone she would normally not go for and sets her up on a date with Morty, Nina think’s “why not?” except their first date crashes and burns when they both realize whose families they belong to. Morty Gutierrez is a nonbinary owner of the Shamrock Cauldron and Nina’s family has been trying to buy that bar from under Morty. Yet Nina’s magic begins to surge out of her control and when Morty comes to Nina saying he woke up with strange magical powers... she knows they are witchbond aka they now share magical powers and can feel each other’s emotions. However, Nina’s powers are uncontrollable as they increase and there is also the issue of it impacting the town’s own magic. While Nina has to deal with the question of : will she finally cave under her family’s expectations be who they want her to be or will she do what is right and stand up for herself? This is the third book in the series and we do get cameos of other characters. This one didn’t feel like there was much going on compared to the other two and relationship wise it wasn’t as high in romance as I was expecting since I adored the other two books in the series this one was just okay for me. It felt a bit underwhelming and anti-climactic storyline wise when you actually think about what happens in the book and then when you compare it to the other two books it feels underwhelming. It’s not to say it’s bad it’s just not what I was anticipating. This would make a cute witchy christmas romance read for sure though.

*Thanks Netgalley and Berkley Publishing Group, Berkley for sending me an arc in exchange for na honest review*

[thefanficmonster]

Partner

Ethan Winters (Resident Evil Biohazard) x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Spoilers for Resident Evil 8:Village, Swearing, Mentions of injury

Genre: Angsty Fluff, Comfort

Summary: Following the final battle in the Dimitrescu Castle, Ethan is surprised to stumble upon a person who witnessed the whole debacle, offering him a safe place to patch up his wounds and rest for a little while.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request! So sorry you’ve had to wait so long but here it finally is! Hope you come across it and enjoy reading it! Love, Vy ❤

“That was...something else.“ Ethan Winters mutters to himself as he limps his way out of the Dimitrescu Castle which is now vacant in terms of residence - his doing. He killed Alcina Dimitrescu and her daughters, all arguably in self defense and with little guilt to follow. However, plenty of trauma’s definitely attached to him following the horrific events he had to go through and the things he had to see between the walls of those luxurious rooms hiding dark secrets of the vampires who took pleasure in torturing people, and wreaking havoc over the villagers who feared them.

“At least they won’t hurt anyone any longer.“ He tells himself, giving the monster of a structure one final look before he continues back towards the center of the village where he’s gonna rethink what he’s got to do next, gather his bearings, take a breath and keep going. He has no other option but to keep going, he won’t allow himself to quit no matter what danger he faces. In his mind, he’s convinced himself that he’s already seen the worst, it’s easier on him that way, it suppresses the fear he’d feel otherwise. The last thing he wants is to think what’s in store for him ahead, he’d rather focus on what’s up to him to do next.

“And we can’t thank you enough.“

The sudden presence of an unfamiliar voice startles him, causing him to whip out his gun and point it in the direction it came from. However, he quickly finds his deadly tight grip loosening ever so slightly because he realizes he’s pointing the barrel at a very human-looking and seemingly harmless person.

“Who are you? Who’s ‘we’?“ Ethan still refuses to let his guard down though, just cause it may not be a life or death situation, doesn’t mean this person won’t bring him trouble and Lord knows that’s the last thing he needs right now.

On instinct, the person takes a step back, “I speak on the behalf of all the remaining villagers. I mean, it was only a matter of time before we too became victims in the Dimitrescu Castle basement. I was next, actually, but the commotion you created allowed for me to escape. I owe you my life, foreigner.“ The speak hurriedly and in a hushed tone, as if the fear of their torturers overhearing them still lives within them despite the monsters being deceased.

“Glad I could help you.“ He nods curtly, remaining at the distance of seven feet between them, “My name’s Ethan Winters by the way.“

They give him the tiniest of smiles, “Y/N L/N, pleased to meet you.” Their gaze gives him a quick onceover, assessing the damage the horrors of the castle have inflicted on him. Their eyes widen in shock at the many bleeding wounds all over his body but what appears to rattle them most is the severe injury that’s causing his limp as well as the missing finger - a poorly wrapped would that has surprisingly not started getting infected yet. “Look, I know you don’t trust me, but I don’t trust you to take care of yourself either. I live in that windmill over there in the outskirts, come with me, I’ll help you with...well, with all that. You seem rather hopeless at medical care.”

While he could refuse their offer, he wouldn’t be able to deny the fact that they’re right - he knows the basics of first aid, but his injuries are far too gone for simple first aid, especially when taken into account that he doesn’t even have any supplies. How he’s not died from blood loss is a surprise to him as much as it is to them.

“What’s my guarantee you won’t turn on me?“ He finally asks after a decent amount of time contemplating it.

They shrug, “You have none. But, you have the guarantee that if I turn on you, you’ll be the one coming out of that altercation alive.” Their gaze sizes up the guns he’s got on him, emphasizing their point.

Suddenly, Ethan feels sorta ridiculous - after all, guns or no guns, he could probably take on them easily with just his knife. Regardless, no one can blame him for being cautious. “Fine.“ He mutters, “But please don’t turn on me, I’ve already had one hell of a day.“

Y/N nods, motioning for him to follow them, “I promise I won’t.”

                                                               *  *  *

“Wow, what a back-stabber! Some friends you have, Winters.“ Y/N comments as they set down a cup of tea on the small wooden table in front of the freshly patched up Ethan.

Turns out, he made the right move by trusting them - they used to be the village’s main nurse until it all went to hell and they went to hide in the shadows of their windmill where they, as evidenced, still are today. That being said, not only did they have all the necessary equipment to fix him up, but they also had the skills and knowledge needed to use that equipment.

“There are those friends who borrow money from you and never pay you back and there are those who shoot your wife randomly while you two are trying to have dinner. Two types of friends out there really.“ He sighs, his tired, a thousand yard stare following the path of the steam levitating from the cup that’s been placed in front of him. “I have no time to dwell on that right now though. My daughter is in grave danger and I have no idea where I should even start looking for her.“

Y/N sits down on a chair opposite his, “Well, you’ve already defeated one of the village Lords looking for Rose, process of elimination should reveal where she is - wherever she is, it has to be one of the Lords’ residence. Mother Miranda trusted Lady Dimitrescu most so it’s a wonder why she wasn’t there, but then again, Heisenberg’s factory is damn near impenetrable, one cannot enter unless he wants them to so she could have entrusted her precious cargo to him.”

“How do I get to that fucker?“ Ethan tightens his hand into a fist, squeezing so tightly his knuckles turn white. There’s so much within him, so much that’s happened to him, so much in such a short amount of time and he’s had no time to deal with any of it. He’s a volcano waiting to erupt, but he has to do so at the right time - in front of the right danger to show he’s not hopeless or weak as his opponent may think. “Where do I find him?“

“He’s in the outskirts too just on the other side of the village.“ They sigh, regretting every word they are saying since they know they are just feeding him information on how to get himself in the worst kind of danger he’s probably ever been in. “That key you have, it’s not complete to access his quarters yet. By the looks of it...“ they observe the key Ethan has placed on the table, “You can only get to Lord Donna Beneviento’s estate, and I wouldn’t suggest heading there before you heal at least a bit more. Her and her dolls are a real nightmare. Of course, I haven’t experienced it for myself, but the stories are enough to get an idea.“

“So you’re telling me I have to waste my time with the little fish before I can finally get to Rose? You know how long that’ll take? You know how long she’ll have to be at the mercy of a fucking lunatic until I can finally save her?!“ Ethan snaps, banging his fist against the table, bad idea considering his hand’s been just patched up. The impact sends a jolt of pain up his arm that makes him hiss.

“I get it, I understand, Ethan. But you are a lot less likely to get to your daughter if you’re dead, you know.“ Y/N cautiously explains, their eyes narrowing a bit as they wait for the pearl white bandages to soak crimson, sighing in relief when they don’t. “Speaking of how likely you may or may not be to get to her on time, I’d also have to mention your odds would be significantly higher if you were to receive help from someone else. You’d need someone to have your back throughout all the shit you’re about to go through, especially Heisenberg’s factory where two eyes are not enough to track each and every threat that might pounce at you.“

Calmer now, Ethan gives them a puzzled look, “What are you suggesting?“

“I’m suggesting - well, I’m offering you my partnership.“ They explain, watching his expression change to one of knowing and understanding. “Of course, you’d have to give up one of those guns and hand it down to me, but I think that’s a small price to pay in exchange for an extra pair of eyes and limbs to guard and help you.“

Ethan’s first instinct is to decline. He can’t afford to see another person dying around him or because of him, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. But then again, just like he had no guarantee they wouldn’t turn on him, he has none that they’ll die. Of course, he’ll do everything in his power to keep them and himself alive and they don’t seem like they are in it to half-ass it either. Quite the contrary, they seem perfectly determined and ready to face the same shit he’s about to.

“What do you get in return?“ He asks, his gaze suspiciously measuring each line on their face to gauge their true intentions. He’s a complete stranger to them, they’d have no reason to be this selfless for him, it’s obvious they are aiming at something bigger.

Y/N scoffs, leaning back in their chair with a small bitter smile on their face, their gaze resting on the tabletop and avoiding his, “You really wanna know? I want my revenge - revenge for what they did to this village, to me, to so many people I cared about and to those I didn’t even know. But...” they trail off, pausing to sigh out a heavy sigh before continuing, “But I also wanna redeem myself. I knew I should’ve done all in my power to stop them when their havoc was still on the rise, I knew I should’ve done more, but I didn’t. And now I’ll die trying.”

“You won’t die.“ He says sharply, barely a second after the last word left their lips, “I won’t allow it.“ He adds, taking a bit of the edge off his voice.

Their eyes come up to meet his, searching for what he means, “Does that mean...“

“It sure does, partner.“ Within the blink of an eye, his pistol is on the table, fully loaded and free for their taking, “You just give a green light and we’re off.“

Y/N lets out a sound between a laugh and a gasp as their hands quickly wrap around the gun, looking at it in disbelief before whispering a quick ‘thank you’. Ethan allows them to marvel at it for a bit longer but they don’t wait another second. “Get your ass up, Winters. We have monsters to kill.”

He needn’t be told twice

[le-poor-writer]

Serve at First Sight (Kageyama Tobio x F!Reader)

"I bet I can..." Hinata mumbled and narrowed his eyes at him.

"Hah?" Kageyama glared back. "What did you just say?"

"I'm not good at setting. BUT I BET I CAN HIT THE LONGEST AND FASTEST SERVE!"

"IS THAT A CHALLENGE?"

"YOU WANNA GO NOW?"

"Uh... Kageyama, Hinata, Stop messing around or else you'll get an earful from Daichi-san." Yamaguchi tries to mediate the situation. The last time the idiotic duo did something stupid, all the first years had to run extra laps. And he was not up for that today.

"No use talking to idiots Yamaguchi." Tsukki sneered. "They have an IQ capacity of a teaspoon."

Hinata stood at the line of the court, deciding to go first. Throwing the ball into the air, he jumped as high as he could. As if he were a crow that leaped into the sky. His ball managed to land a good one meter away from line of the opposite side. A loud bang resonating the court and he beamed smugly at his tall opponent. Kageyama had a ball ready in hands as he took Hinata's place. Itching to outperformed the record set by the orange-head. Closing his eyes, he briefly replayed Oikawa's diabolical jump serve from their previous practice match. He knew he was a hundred years too early to be able to do that. Doesn't mean he won't try his luck though.

With a deep exhale, he took flight. Blocking out all sounds surrounding him, save that of his squeaking shoes and the volleyball as he slapped it forward. The stinging sensation felt on his hand causing him to grin. Not quite like Oikawa's, but still powerful. This is it, it will definitely plunge further than Hinata's. And it did. The ball flew pass that one meter mark. And hit a person. Kageyama's eyes blinked twice before the situation finally seeped through his thick skull. He had hit someone's head! Suddenly he could hear his surroundings again. Hinata panicked scream. Yamaguchi running towards the unfortunate human being who fell to the ground. Tsukki trying not to laugh at this slapstick comedy.

Kageyama sprinted towards the person. A hundred thoughts running through his mind. Is the person alright? Is he going to get in trouble with Daichi for this? Where are the third years anyway? Most importantly, when was that person there? How is it he did not notice them? What were they doing there in the first place? Surely no one would actually collapsed from that hit, right? He stood behind Yamaguchi who was trying to communicate with the seemingly unconscious person. And that was when Kageyama noticed, the person was a girl. A petite girl. He kneeled beside Yamaguchi. She seemed to be a little pale.

"Hello?" Yamaguchi tapping her shoulder. "Excuse me, can you hear me?"

No reply.

"KAGEYAMA KILLED SOMEONE!" Hinata hollered.

"What are you going to do now Kageyama?" Despite knowing that she only passed out, Tsukki decided to humour Hinata.

"I'll take her to the nurse's office." Immediately he carried her and jogged out of the court. Hoping not to run into anyone. Especially Daichi.

He couldn't help but glance at her face every three seconds. Wondering if she will wake up midway. But she didn't and that worried him more. If it weren't for her soft faint breaths he would have thought that he actually committed manslaughter with his jump serve. Besides, she has such a small frame. He was afraid if he really did break her. Kageyama held her closer to his body. Noticing how she fit snugly in his arms. And when looked closely, she's actually really cute. A blush spread quickly all over his face. What was he thinking? He doesn't even know her.

~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/n) blinked slowly. Feeling slightly dazed.

She woke up late today, all because of that stupid extra Japanese literature homework that had to be submitted during first period. And because she woke up late, she skipped breakfast. She wanted to get something during lunch, but had to drop by the school library to return some books that were due today. Well what do you know, apparently everyone needed to return their books today. If she had known she would've asked her friends to at least get her melon bread. She had about 10 minutes left before lunch ended, but she ran into her senior and was reminded to submit the club activities report today.

It was so hard to focus on classes for the rest of the afternoon. She drank lots of water in hopes to delay the impending dizziness. It was somewhat working. She only needed to wait until clubs and activities time. She'll get a sugary drink from the vending machine, then tell the club leader that she's going to head home early. But karma really had to be a bitch today. Her wallet was not in her bag. (Y/n) dreaded the fact that she might have dropped it somewhere. Searching for her wallet with this now nasty migraine is really going to be such a pain. That is until she suddenly remembered she left it in her drawer at home. She had forgotten about it amidst the rush.

(Y/n) crouched in front of the vending machine. What are the gods playing at exactly. Is it really so hard to get a single bite? Is this karma for denying Mr. Snuggles his treat last week? Well it was not her fault that he knocked over her pudding off the table! She was on the verge of tears when she heard the sound of volleyballs. Oh right, the vending machine was sort of close to the volleyball court... Didn't Yachi say she was recently the co-manager for Karasuno's volleyball club along with that beautiful senior Kiyoko. There is hope. She only needed a little money to get that small carton of drink.

She stood up quickly and regretted it. God, this migraine is killing her. With every ounce of determination she had left, she dragged her feet towards the court. Swaying a little every now and then. The sounds were getting louder, The ball hitting the court, shoes squeaking and people yelling? This is a good thing, it meant that she was getting closer. This is also a bad thing, because it's splitting her skull. Everything around her blurred as she entered the hall. Shit, where is Yachi? She took a few more steps before she felt a hard impact on her head. Dear lord that hurts like hell. And she lost all control of her body before everything went black.

"Oi." a gruff voice distracted her thoughts.

She sat up immediately. Hitting her head on the bed post in the process. She has realized by now that she must have passed out and someone from the volleyball club took her to the nurses office. It must have been this boy sitting beside her. But that still didn't mean she wouldn't be caught off guard. She has always been somewhat intimidated by the male species. Especially those tall towering ones that had to bend a little to talk to her. It's one of the unfortunate things one has to endure being 4'10 and having a small frame. People often joked that she could fit in a suitcase. Though seeing her other shorter friends did brought her pleasure, it still doesn't change the fact that a lot of people around her were giants.

"Idiot."

"Excuse me?" she glared. What's the big idea calling her an idiot out of nowhere. He was the one who surprised her. Sitting on a stool at her bedside, ain't that too close for a stranger, sir?  Who is he again? The volleyball club is pretty popular here in Karasuno after they managed to get into the finals of Inter high recently. It was unfortunate that they lost to Aoba Johsai, but everyone acknowledged what a monster the school was. Yachi said everyone felt down but it didn't dampened their spirit, for their next chance will be the Spring Tournament.

"S-sorry." the guy replied.

Dark eyes darting away from her face. She could make out an intimidating look on his face. Eyebrows furrowing sternly. Lips set on a grim line. Yet his cheeks flushed. Or was it because of the orange hue from the setting sun (she couldn't really tell), which also made his black hair glow. It dawned upon (y/n) that if he could just smooth away his frown, he would be handsome (she thinks). And if only he weren't being gruffy. Wait a minute. Tall volleyball player, black hair, intimidating frowning face but yet somehow still good looking?

"I'm Kageyama Tobio-"

"I know."

Silence... Well that was awkward.

She cleared her throat. "I'm (L/n) (Y/n). From Class 5. Um, Yachi's friend."

"Oh." Shoot. He didn't know she was Yachi's friend. What will the manager say about this. "I'm sorry. That my jump serve knocked you out."

"No no no! I was actually a little hypoglycemic. So your uh, jump serve was just the final nail in the coffin." Damn, she knew that getting hit by any ball was going to hurt. But the ball just now, it felt like it could tear her head off. Or maybe that's just an exaggeration of being starved the whole day. She realized his expression went from frowning to horrifying. "N-not that it will literally be the final nail to my coffin! It was just an expression. Maybe not a good one. Sorry I'm just bad with words when it comes to strangers. I mean not that you're an absolute stranger. It's just that- I'm sorry, I'm blabbering too much."

"Not at all!" he yelled. Ah, he got too animated. He didn't understand why. But he just thought everything about this girl is cute. From her petite stature that makes him want to shield her from the wind. To her way of talking that showed just how shy and awkward she was as how it is with him. Trying to reassure him that it was fine. He couldn't understand this sudden grip in his heart and the tingling sensation at his fingertips. Though maybe it was because he hasn't touch the volleyball for a few hours now.

Another awkward silence ensues.

"Anyways," (Y/n) was still a bit shy. She was after all talking to one of the most popular boys at school. But seeing as how he is now, she thought she could loosen up her guard a bit. "Have you seen my glasses?"

"You wear glasses?"

They rushed back together to the volleyball court. Yachi attacked her with a hug as she lamented about the news she heard from her fellow peers. Daichi scolding him to be careful next time whilst Tanaka giving him his infamous gangster glare. Hinata coming forward with his head down as he presented (Y/n)'s broken glasses. He accidently stepped on them when he was panicking, though he only realised it when she was sent to the nurse's office. Her glasses must have fallen off her head when she got hit. That hard huh. Really God, you want to test her that much today. Fine, she'll apologize to Mr. Snuggles when she gets home.

Unbeknownst to her, Kageyama felt even worse than earlier. His ball caused her to knocked out, and now it even knocked off the glasses from her head and broke it. Stuttering on his words, he apologized again. Hands balled into a tight fist. He just felt so bad. Suga noticed how dejected he sounded. But he also noticed how pink his ears were. Oh? Well even if it wasn't what he thought, there was no harm in... light teasing. Besides, they'd looked adorable together, no?

"If you really feel guilty. Then you should walk her home today." slinging his arm over Kageyama's shoulder, Suga tried to keep a neutral expression. Well there was a slight smirk, but he tried. "What if she falls down on her way home? Or run into a pole?"

"I am short-sighted Sugawara-senpai. Not blind." (Y/n) said through gritted teeth. Really these eyesight jokes should be old by now. "Besides, I will need to stop by the optic shop to have new ones made."

"All the more for him to accompany you. It will get dark soon. Might be dangerous to be walking alone with such bad eyesight."

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to burden-"

"Let's go." Kageyama interrupted. And when she declined again, he argued back. "Stop being a stubborn idiot. You still haven't eaten, you can't see well and you're so light that people can just easily carry you away."

Did he just called her an idiot for the second time in the short the period they have known each other. How rude! Not that his points were invalid. He was right. But boy does this person lack delicacy. In the end, she agreed to let him accompany her. He bought two cartons of milk from the vending machine. One for each of them, and they set off on their merry way.

~~~~~~~~~~

"No- Okay. Once again. Osmosis only works with solvents. Simple diffusion, both solvents and solutes. So in osmosis, solvents will move from low solute concentration-" (Y/n) stopped explaining when she noticed how Kageyama's brows were almost touching. His lips formed a small pout. "You know what, we have been revising for more than an hour. Let's take 5. Then continue for another hour. It's getting late and although my mum likes you, my dad wouldn't like you being in my room for too long."

Ever since that day where he sent her home, she began hanging out more with Yachi and the volleyball club. Not that she never hung out with her close friend, it's just that (y/n) felt out of place when she mingles with unfamiliar crowds. But now that every member knew her as the girl who got hit by Kageyama's jump serve, that became the basis of her acquaintanceship with the club and she got to hang out with Yachi more. And before she realized it, Kageyama has just been around her circle. Always there. Heck he has been walking her home more often now that even her mother likes him. Then they became just friends. Or she hoped it stayed that way, because she noticed her emotions began crossing unknown territories.

(Y/n) has come to learn a few things about Kageyama Tobio over the course of their friendship. One, he is an obsessed volleyball freak. A prodigy people say. But what (Y/n) sees is a person consumed by passion for the things he loves. And that isn't necessarily bad. Two, he can be quite childish. He fails to control his frustration which later comes off the wrong way whenever he expresses them. But really he means no harm, because when he is happy, he expresses them genuinely. And three, he is quite sensitive. He may want to show that he didn't care, but he actually takes things to heart. He may feel down about a comment, but he will learn to improve from it.

"Sorry."

"What for?"

"For having to teach an idiot like me."

"Oh stop it. Everyone is good and bad at something. We can't all be the perfect prodigy. That's just how things are. You may be bad at studying, but with your volleyball skills I bet you can represent Japan one day." noticing his eyes lit up, she continued. "So in order for you to attend your camp. Let's just try our best okay?"

Kageyama nodded. It was a little embarrassing to have her comforting him like this. But at the same time it brings him immense joy. When he first met her, he would get flutters looking at her cute appearance. Now, he just feels all warm and fuzzy whenever she talks to him. He liked that she didn't judge him or anyone she's ever met. She would scold him sometimes, but at the same time explained her reasoning. And he really appreciated that, how patient she was with him. It does make him guilty, but at the same time he wants to start behaving better. Is this what Suga meant when he said he has a crush on (Y/n)? Kageyama doesn't really know. He will need time to analyze everything.

"(L/n), do you have time during our Spring Tournament?" he tried looking anywhere else but her face.

"You want me to cheer on the club? Sure thing."

"Yes." Hearing her reply made him smile. With a steady gaze he stared straight into her eyes. "Watch me play, (y/n). I'll show you a really strong serve."

(Y/n) could only smile back as she felt butterflies in her stomach. "Then we better get back to studying."

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[soranociel]

I’m sorry, I love you.

Genre : angst

Pairing : gojo satoru x reader

Word count : 1.4k

Warning(s) : Jujutsu Kaisen manga spoiler, mention of blood and injury, graphic description of wound, a little sad I think, grammatical errors maybe hehe.

A/N : This is the first ever writing I post to the internet! Please take it easy on me, tumblr peeps.

"So you're going alone?" your voice filled in the dark hallway of Jujutsu High, breaking the long silence as you walk beside your comrade, Gojo. You were on your way to the yard to meet your team in order to watch over Shibuya. Layers of curtains had bestowed upon the place, and the whole facility had to hold a meeting to discuss how they would handle the situation.

"Yeah, as they wanted," Gojo replied with a smile on his face, you could feel that he was more tense and serious than usual. How could he not? The group that had invaded Shibuya wanted him all by himself.

"Be careful," you glanced at him with the corner of your eyes, worries filled up your mind with graphic images of how things could go wrong. It wasn't that you didn't trust him and his power, you were scared of losing him.

Gojo let out a chuckle, his head turned to you with a smile plastered on his face. "Don't worry, I am the strongest," there he went again, rambling about he's the strongest though he was right, it was a little annoying to hear him say that. Like come on, he didn't have to rub that to everyone at all times, you thought to yourself.

"Now if you'll excuse me,"

"Satoru, I-"

You both had reached the end of the hallway to meet the cold breeze the weather had to offer. You wanted say something ahead of his departure, but before you could finish what you had to say, Gojo had vanished into the night, leaving you alone to stare up into the starry sky, praying to whatever higher entity that the man you just talked to would be safe.

Now all you could see was the same sky, except that there was no stars splattered all over it because you were under the curtain inside of Shibuya. Your eyes were half open, you could feel a light breeze over the side of your body as you move forward. It was the only thing you felt other than the immense pain on your head and shoulder, it was so intense that you almost felt like you went numb.

You tried your best to recall what had happened, trying progress with the consciousness you had left in your body.

Then it hit you. A flashing imagine of the man with patches on his body, which you believed was called Mahito, touched the side of your head. You were running beforehand, pushing Nobara out of the way of his range. Then you realised Mahito ended up pushing his palm against you, even then you tried to dodge him. Yet to no avail, your shoulder had gotten the same impact he had left on your head.

You couldn't remember anything else, except seeing two Kyoto students behind Yuuji before you collapsed into the ground. It was the buff student who called Yuuji his brother who had participated in the sister school event, and the other you had never seen before. But if you're not hallucinating, you're in his arms right now as he ran, while you could hear Nobara yelled before your eyes gave up on trying to open themselves.

"Can you run faster?!" the red-haired girl exclaimed, looking to her side with her breath short after running from the scene of her teacher trying to protect– or sacrifice herself for her. "I'm trying!" the boy shouted back without looking at her, his eyes focused on the empty street as his feet kept a steady pace. Nobara on the other hand, grimaced at the sight of you. You looked so awful that she could only give one look at you before keeping her head up, biting the inside of her mouth to keep her tears from falling down her cheeks. There was a small hole on the side of your head where Mahito had touched you, it was so deep and anyone with eyes could see your brain through it. And the bone on your shoulder was showing, the blood of it touched the ground like a broken faucet that can't stop the fall of small water drops.

_______

You slowly opened your eyes to see to see an unfamiliar ceiling, trying to recall the past that felt like a minute ago, yet the only thing clouding your mind was Gojo and the fact that he was sealed. You should've thought about anything else, really, but you just couldn't. All you felt was the agonising pain that wouldn’t stop eating at your entire being, and thinking there was no possibility where you can see him again. You wanted to look at how bad your injury were, but you couldn't. The ache had spread all over your body and you could only move your eyes and your trembling mouth.

A familiar palm moved above your head, it was Ieiri's hand trying to heal the wound that's been inflicted upon you. You felt like your ripped shoulder were stitching its skin all by itself, yet it was still painful, and the sting that ruled over your body overpowered the mending she had been trying to do to you.

"Te... S.. Sato.. I lo hi,"

Tell Satoru I love him.

That was what you were trying to say, but you were sure it did not come out that way. It was difficult to speak with your parted mouth and your barely moving tongue, it took so much effort for you just to say a part of his name. Yet you believed that Ieiri understood you. She was your best friend, after all.

She remembered how you cried when you had heard the news that a jujutsu sorcerer assassin had killed Gojo. All because you just couldn't imagine a world– or to live in a world where he's not around. He was like a seeping marker, painting the whole world with his teasy remarks and his full of pride personality. To some people, what he does might be seen as annoying, but to you, everything would become dull and colorless without him. You hated silence because then your intrusive thoughts would always be loud enough to disturb you. It would feel like you were in the dark tunnel with no way out, a loophole. Yet his loud voice ringing in your ears with a wide grin on his face, and his blue eyes peering through his sunglasses made you forget all your worries. Your heart would beat faster whenever he's around to say or do whatever and it would feel like spring in you heart. Flowers bloom and the sun gently giving its light upon whatever is on earth, you felt like your soul was alive and bright. Yet you would never admit your feelings. As much as you loved his behaviour, letting him know you liked him would only boost his ego. So all you did was pretending to hate him and all his actions, which was the total opposite of how you really felt.

She remembered too, how you reacted when you saw Gojo came back to life because of his reverse technique. You wanted to run and hug him, but he was just your upperclassman. Instead, you wrapped your arms around Ieiri's body so tightly and hid your crying face against her shoulder. She knew you loved him. Yet you still wouldn't disclose it in front of his face, and continued your play-pretend of disliking him.

Throwing him 'shut up's every time he opened his mouth, which you knew that wouldn't stop him and he would only speak more and you never really mind it. Ignoring him and saying no, knowing he wouldn't stop talking and bothering you until he get what he wanted. Murmuring your little 'i hate you's to him because you knew he'd be whining and denying that you didn't actually hate him, and of course he was right. Having to suppress a smile everytime he made a silly joke because you knew he would tease you and said that you actually liked it, and of course, you did. Rolling your eyes at his teasings because you knew he would keep going and it actually made you happy. You did all that to avoid your feelings, and you knew it was a hypocrisy because you only found yourself falling deeper as the time passes.

"Tell him that yourself," she stuttered, eyes twitching and her lips curved as she focused, trying her best effort to make sure you live to see another day.

A tear ran down the side of your face, at that point, you didn't know if it was because of the ache that started to strangle your throat as you struggled to breath, or the fact that you likely won't be able to do what Ieiri had wished you to do. To tell Gojo Satoru, that you love him.

I'm sorry, I love you.