#and yet God was with me from the moment I took those pills because I knew he was the only thing that could make it null and void and he did

[vviciously]

pre and post overdose & renewal

[evilminji]

Okay, so maybe it's just me? Projecting my new Tea Phase?

Cause for med reasons, no more energy drinks, only Teeeeeeaaaaa~☆

But honestly? Now that I am an adult and ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT? Really digging it! Am enjoying the Teas. Mmmmmmm~ leaf broth. I like the fruity ones.

So! IMAGINE~☆ If you will:

Danny. 14 and his parents are LOUD AS FUCK (CRASH BANG SMASH BANG WHIIII-) dispite it being, once again, a school night. This has been going one For Years. That STUPID fucking machine. All God damned hours. Crashes and bangs and powertools. Explosions.

When will it ever end!

He's... he's honestly used it.

Unknowingly? This is is a skill that will come in handy later. Living and functioning while sleep deprived. Healthy? Fuck no. But it's USEFUL. He IS the ten year old downing Monster drinks in the parking lot before school.

It makes him a jittery weirdo. Twitchy. Too much caffeine, not enough sleep, his parents either blew up or TOOK APART the washing machine AGAIN. He... he never stood a chance. It's a miracle the indoor plumbing hasn't been compromised yet... AGAIN.

His blood is more sugar, caffeine, and guarana or whatever those other things in the can are, then actual human blood. He doesn't CARE. He just needs too get decent grades, graduate, and become an astronaut. It's... it's FINE. This is normal. They're FINE.

(If they weren't... someone would have noticed, right? Would have DONE something. Cared. So it HAS to be fine. His family's just weird. It's FINE.)

But THEN...

The Accident.

And his biology CHANGES. Green goo, wrapped vicious and loving, around his very DNA. Like Kintsugi of the body and soul. In green, Green, GREEN. It... it's a lot. Everything changing all at once. Maybe that's why it takes him so long to notice.

Why he thinks "oh, I'm just tired cause I'm running more then usual. Fighting and flying. Doing ghost stuff."

When... when honestly? Some part of him always kinda KNEW. From the very moment he stumbled out of the portal. The aftershocks. The pain. Sam and Tucker crying, scrambling to help him up the stairs. Sam tearing her bag apart looking for her cramps medicine. Because... because pain medication is pain medication.

"It's gonna be okay, Danny. Please. Please god, just take it! I promise it's gonna be okay!"

How do you look your panicked, crying, strongest-person-you-know best friend in the eyes and tell her... you can FEEL it dissolving in your throat. Like the pills were dumped in a human shaped pot of acid. That... that the pain isn't changing... and you... you don't think it's going too.

When you're scared. Might be dying. And you can already tell they think it's their fault. W... when you're all just KIDS. And all you can think is... you can let them know how bad... how bad it hurts...

They'd never be able to live with that knowledge.

Yeah. Yeah, Sam. Thanks. T... The pills helped a lot. He feels better. You really saved the day. He lo... loves you guys so much.

...

.....

He thinks about that moment A LOT. About how much he realized and knew, before the denial kicked in. Before he got so... Tired. Fresh of all that energy. And? You'd think he realize. The mood swings. The irritability. The headaches that disappear the SECOND he goes ghost. That he's in caffeine withdrawal. But? Nope.

He kinda blames the constant ghost attacks for distracting him.

But see... Sam? Doesn't drink tea. Goes against her diet. Tucker was where he GOT his illicit borderline illegal energy drinks. And his sister? Big on flavored sparkling waters. Which are gross to him.

His PARENTS drink a thick tar they insist is coffee. It might be liquid fudge. Zone knows its nearly the same consistency. It's horrifying. No thanks, he wants to LIVE.

It's? Ironically? Mr. Lancer and his constant detentions, that help Danny realize somethings up. Because Mr. Lancer shares. If he makes a cup for himself, he'll make one for you. It's how he was raised. And, yeah, the after school detentions? Those were herbal blends. No caffeine.

But...

But they tasted nice. Were warm. The classroom was quiet and as frustrating as it was? The tea itself? Was always... the one exception to how shit the situation was. So Danny finally broke down and asked about it. Learned Mr. Lancer knew a? Surprisingly LOT about tea. Huh.

Then one day he gets SATURDAY detention. Oh joy!

Bright and early. One of the few times he could be trying, desperately, to be sleeping through his parents cacophony. Catching up on his desperately needed Zzz's. Here he is... getting a handed a new cup of different tea?

Breakfast blend? And a bagel..

N...none hostile breakfast? A quiet space to catch up on his homework? No Dash? Just... just a quiet classroom, some tea, and the sounds on a peaceful morning outside?

......oh.

It's the best time he's had in school in... God, in YEARS. He gets so MUCH done. For once can concentrate. And? Actually, now that he thinks about it? Feels... awake? Or at the very least, not as sleepy. And being a Fenton, whom to the LAST are a genius if eccentric family, it's pretty damn easy to put two and two together.

Tea.

He felt more awake after having Lancer's breakfast blend tea.

He obviously asks about it. Then, after detention is done. Calm packs up. Goes home. Drops his back in his room. Goes ghost. And SHOOTS for the Far Frozen with his phone and an energy drink. Because clearly he's missing something and it's time to ask.

The good doctors of the Frozen are... gently horrified. Clawed hands steeples infront of their mouths as they try to tactfully figure out how to word "Great One, WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Why would you DO THIS TO YOURSELF!?" Because that... is not professional. Breathe. In, out, in, out. We can do this.

They get the most patient and restrained of their elders to... CALMLY, very VERY Calmly, ask some medical questions. Listen. Without judgements! Because they are medical professionals. Who do NOT want to scream, forever, into the void. Certainly not. So Calm! (They are going to BURN THAT CAN IN-)

Which! Huh. Yeah, that explains the constant exhaustion. He was poisoning himself. Kinda. Not so much the GHOST but the human half. Putting to much strain and too much trace chemicals, minerals, and buckets of sugar. General "mmmm :/ Don't Like THAT ™" energy from the Goo causing it too try and constantly burning it all out of existence. Endlessly.

The more he put in, the more there was to burn. The more there was to burn, the more tired he became. The more tired he became... well, the more he put in. It was a slowly lethal starvation cycle. Big Yikes.

The TEA on the other hand? Those are leaves. The good recognizes leaves and water. Other various plants, dried or otherwise. It ignores them as "fine" until they reach a "problematic" threshold, apparently? So... *blank look at the doctor*

*sighs in medical professional*

Tea? Good. Satan Can of Halfa Poison? Bad. Please drink tea.

👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

And it's like MAGIC. He's suddenly BACK, baby! Ha ha ha! Skulker you fuckin THOUGHT?! Oh it's 2am? Well SUPRISE bitch! He's bright eyed and bushy tailed! His grades are up AND he's beating you like a drum! He has ice breakers for old people discussions now!! The local Tea Shops have NEVER been so well protected.

He actually manages to graduate with not just decent grades? But GOOD ones.

And the second. The INSTANT. He is legally his own man? Has his important paperwork squirrelled away and the go bags safely WELL outside of Amity. It's time. He meets OUTSIDE the house, because he's not an idiot. He's been practicing his Clones and has them ready to grab his parents so he can get out of there alive. Jazz is on video call from Star city.

His parents... suspected. Not at first, but as goofy as they are? They aren't ACTUALLY idiots. They've been watching, going over old research. Trying, failing, to get in touch with the League to have THEIR team test their research. Peer review is critical after all. They... they had been so certain. Are still somewhat certain.

But their research doesn't exactly ACCOUNT for this "halfa" phenomenon. So, there is a very real chance they are missing something. The one thing the DO know? Danny is their son. Stuck in some eternal mortally wounded state or not, he is a hero. And they weren't there for him.

They can't change their beliefs on a dime. But they've clearly missed a great deal. And refuse to fall to academic bias. The very thing that got them LAUGHED AT for decades. Mocked and belittled. This is their life's work. By God they WILL find out the truth.

It's? Better then he could have hoped. Not perfect. But better.

He helps set up safeties and a security check point at the portal. Both sides. He's kinda a big deal these days, mom, dad. Ghost scientists eager to work with them. A whole TEAM under their command. It certain endears ghosts to them a whole lot more. Then?

Copy of the blue prints, go bag turned into normal bags, Danny's off to college.

Bounces from major to major. Nothing really capturing his interest. As he aged, he's need less sleep. Gotten stronger. Grown into his father's height and grandfathers build. Tucker keeps calling him a dorito. Danny retaliates with Ancient Egyptian Cyber/Pharoah Twink allegations. According to SAM they are both dumbasses.

She's not WRONG... but hey D:<

Eventually? A really niche botany seminar run by Pamela Isely catches the attention of Tucker, who forwards it to him n Sam. Nice ™. It's being held in her Murder Park! Cool! Obviously they have to go. So off to Gotham they go. And? When they get there? Sam is APPALLED.

She may HATE landlords as much as the next activist.... but LOOK at all these run down, foreclosed, rotting buildings! Beautiful gothic infrastructure! Those could be businesses or homes! Danny, busy with signing them up, makes the mistake of tuning her out as she rants in fury. She does this some times. Needs to vent. Uh huh, you're very right. You should contact somebody. I agree. Mmmhmmm.

Hey, Sam, Ms. Isely needs your-....

Sam?

Oh FUCK ™.

By the time the Seminar come around? Sam has violently kicked in the door of more then a feel reality offices. Owns QUITE a few buildings. Danny is sweating. She... she's doing the THING again. The "gimme your Ghost Crew, I KNOW you have a highly specific Ghost Crew, don't you DARE lie to me or I take your knee caps, Danny" stare.

>.> Sam you can't keep doin- *stare intensifies* Yes Ma'am. *Pulls out Fenton phone* and so? Here come the renovation crew. The ONLY honest building Crew in all of Gotham. They cut no corners. Can't be threatened. Gangs, villians, and even local government office try to arrange... accidents on the build sites.

Nothing. Nada. In fact, it turns out more dangerous for THEM then this crew of outsiders!

Wtf!

Then? After these two College age weirdos finish Poison Fuckin Ivys HIGHLY SUSPECT biology seminar? Manson fucks off to who knows where! Leaving what HAS to be "the muscle" behind. Cause I mean? Look, at the guy! He's huge! And what does he do?

Goes building to building. Rents them out to low income families. Honest, hard working shop keepers. And? Eventually decides to settle smack dab in the middle of Gotham, in the shadow of Wayne fuckin tower, spitting distance from the Space museum..... and open? A tea shop? The FUCK?

"The Zone".

In a weird shade of green. With little ghosts, wearing crowns, because and I quote "it's funny"? Certainly crazy enough for Gotham. But like, it's loud as FUCK here. Crowded. There are gas attacks and shit. It'll never las-....

It stays untouched for MONTHS.

Sometimes being the ONLY building near it to be untouched. Gas NEVER getting in. The damn place a BUNKER. And? Despite looking like it's two floors? It's three. You enter and your actually on the second floor. No one's even sure where the fuck the guy LIVES, since he never seems to leave.

Not only THAT. But it... it's like one of those old school apothecaries. Big ol bank of drawers. Guy'll mix up your blend for you right as you watch. Tea nuts are actually risking COMING to Gotham to try his stuff. Writing articles. Apparently he has some pretty rare shit in those drawers.

Some UNKNOWN shit, according to one guy on ViewTube.

There's this whole debate on if it's Ultra Super Rare or that means it's just super cheap knock off crap. Some of them he won't make for people, even if they ask. There's a rumor it's for Meta's with specific diets. Or alien blends. But no one can verify that. Cause like?

Anyone who tries to cause trouble?

Can't fucking FIND the place. And if you're already inside? You just... drop. Stone cold unconscious. It's definitely magic but no one knows if it's HIS or Manson's? You know? He won't talk. Gets annoyed when harrased.

Which off course!

Leaves Only ONE gentleman for the job. An elite special forces trained expert. Polite, dignified, enjoyer of fine Teas. Alfred "Why do you chucklefucks keep forgetting I was in the Queens Service and a Registered Badass" Pennyworth.

After all! He DOES have the days shopping to do.

@babbling-babull @the-witchhunter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @lolottes

[talaok]

I’ve dreamed of this (pt. III)

Summary: You are a part of the BAU, and for the longest time you and Dr. Spencer Reid had been best of friends, even when it was clear to everyone else, and at times to you, that you should be more than that, and when something almost happens on a night out with the team, everything is destined to change. 

This is a double pov story (each chapter will be alternated between y/n's and spencer's pov)

Chapter summary: you sort things out with Spencer.

<if you want to be added to the tag-list comment or write to me>

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Y/n

He was avoiding you.

You could tell.

He didn't stay in the conference room for one more second than necessary before dashing through the door.

He was weirded out, it made sense.

He didn't know what to do, how to act, or what to say.

And it was all your fault.

one stupid moment of weakness and he was now avoiding you, him, the only one that couldn't.

But it was for the best.

You were gonna talk to him, and this moment, this feeling, was gonna pass in a heartbeat.

Because nothing happened, everything was just like it was before.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, had changed.

and that was good,

right?

_   _   _

"Hey, Spence" you knocked on his cubicle 

He was surprised to see you, it was clear on his face when he turned around.

"Can I ride with you to the jet?"

"Yeah" he tried speaking nonchalantly "sure" 

"Thanks" you smiled at him, and he stopped a moment, seemingly distracted, before grabbing his bag.

"all set?" you asked

"yep" he nodded "let's go"

You walked to the elevator, pretending not to feel Morgan's eyes on you.

_  _  _

You cleared your throat.

God, this was awkward.

"so" you turned towards him "About last night," you said shily.

He kept looking at the road, but you noticed him swallow nervously.

"y/n, it-it's fine" he shook his head.

"I know, I just wanted to make sure that" you took a deep breath "that everything was ok" you bit your bottom lip "you know, between us"

his mouth opened, and you could see his eyes struggling to stay put, but he said nothing for a moment.

"of course" he glanced at you " of course everything is ok" he forced a small laugh.

"alright" you smiled "I'm glad" you kept your eyes on him "I was scared for a moment when you ran out of the conference room"

"Yeah, sorry," he said " I-I just had a thing to do"

"oh no, don't worry" you waved him off "I'm just paranoid"

"You shouldn't be," he said with a firmness you didn't recognize coming from him.

You frowned, confused "mh?"

"I mean" he gripped the steering wheel "not when it's about us" he peeked at you again "Everything will always be ok between us" he smiled "anything could quite literally happen and I-I'd still want you by my side" he laughed softly, looking fully at you now "You-you're important to me y/n" 

You couldn't help but smile, and blush, and feel all squirmy inside.

it was a mess.

"I-" you grinned "you're important to me too, Spence" you put a hand on his arm "and I agree," you said truthfully "Everything will always be ok between us" you stared into his amber eyes "no matter what"

_  _  _

God you hated the jet, you weren't even on it yet, but your stomach was already starting to revolt.

You had tried everything, pills, bracelets, teas, and even meditation at one point, but there was nothing to do.

The moment the plane took off you panicked, and had to spend the next hours heavy breathing.

Hotch had at first suggested that you take a car, but you refused.

you didn't want to seem weak or in any way unsuitable for the job.

You had fought and worked so much to get there, you weren't about to risk it all for a few hours of excruciating terror.

And even though years had now passed, and you had definitely had your fair share of practice, it was still scary, you had gotten better, but not enough not to purposely walk slowly before walking on those stairs.

Spencer snorted once, turning around, he saw your panicked expression.

"shut up" you laughed.

"it never gets old" he laughed too now

"If I wasn't panicking right now I would punch you, doctor, I hope you know that" you joked, your legs feeling weak from all the anxiety.

"ok I'll shut up" he smiled "can I do something?" he said more seriously now.

"no it's fine" you shook your head "go ahead, I can do it" you nodded at Hotch and Rossi near the jet stairs.

"you sure?"

You laughed at the worry on his face "I'm a big girl Spence, I can do it"

"Alright," he smiled at you one last time before walking towards the men.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

It was gonna be fine.

Just like it always was.

"hey"

you flinched, taking a step back "what the f-"

"hey hey hey" you finally recognized morgan's voice "it's just me y/l/n"

"you scared me," you said, bringing a hand to your poor heart.

"sorry" he smiled, as he put his hands in front of him in defense "I forgot about the whole plane thing"

"It's fine" you shook your head and started walking again, as he followed beside you.

"so uh" he cleared his throat "I wanted to ask you something"

He seemed uncomfortable, which was weird, Derek Morgan was always at ease.

"Sure, shoot" you shrugged.

"Did something happen with Spencer?"

You swore your heart stopped

"I just noticed him acting weird today" he scratched his neck "and yesterday you seemed close" he explained "so I was just wondering"

The fear of flying was long forgotten.

You had just solved the problem with Spencer, you couldn't handle another one with Derek.

"No," you said "nothing happened"

"ok" he nodded, and just when you hoped he had finished, he kept going "Because, I know I tease you a lot about him, but" he tilted his head "Spencer" he looked at him in the distance "he's sensitive" he sighed "he gets hurt and then pretends he isn't" you followed his line of sight to the tall man entering the jet "so just- be careful," he said "that's all I wanted to say"

you smiled sadly "I know Derek" you sighed "trust me I know" you turned to him "and I am, I am being careful"

_  _  _

"fuck me" you sighed, finally getting off that hellish aircraft.

the Wright brothers deserved their special place in the circles of hell, you were sure of it.

"Everything ok?" JJ asked, stoking your back 

"depends on your definition" you chuckled

"you should really take the car y/n" she scolded you "I don't get why you're so stubborn" 

"It's fine JJ" you reassured her "see" you stood up straight "I'm alive and well" you smiled, and she sighed disappointedly.

"You're unbelievable" she shook her head

You laughed "that I am"

She rolled her eyes jokingly at you before starting to head towards the car.

You looked around.

The sky was orange, with shades of pink infiltrating the canvas.

And you could see, after the airport's tarmac, the trees, so thick and small, you couldn't see anything behind them, just imagine, imagine what you wanted, what you wished.

anything at all.

it was beautiful, peaceful almost, and you soaked it in as you took a deep breath of fresh air.

God, each time you got off the jet you were reborn and had to have a little thankful moment for not having died.

It was routine at this point.

"Y/l/n, you coming?" hotch's voice startled you

"yes sir" you mumbled to yourself, as you followed him to the car.

_  _  _

"I've called the chief and he's got no new information for us, so we're just gonna go the station tomorrow and set up then," Hotch said, with that executive voice he used when giving orders.

"so now we're just gonna go to the hotel and try to get some rest" He walked through the hotel's automatic doors "everything clear?"

"where's Rossi?" Emily asked

Hotch blinked slowly, transmitting all his displeasure "he found a place for himself"

Emily laughed "This one wasn't good enough huh?"

You all chuckled 

"I guess not" a smile ghosted hotch's face, before he walked up to the front desk.

Something was wrong, 

you could see the receptionist's worry in her eyes.

"Guys, we have a problem" Hotch turned around

"what is it?" JJ asked, ready to help

"there are only 3 rooms left"

"I'm really sorry, we had an unexpected prolonged stay" the woman behind the desk explained.

You all looked at each other.

You either stayed here, or waited another hour to even get a glimpse of a  bed.

the choice seemed pretty easy to make.

"we can work it out" Emily said

"yeah, it's fine" you agreed.

There was a moment of silence, and you looked at each person surrounding you.

The problem was evident, just like the solution.

Everyone was thinking the same thing,

well,

everyone except maybe one person.

"I can stay with Spencer" you offered.

You saw his eyes slightly widen before he forced himself to get back to normal.

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked

you laughed softly "It's fine Hotch, don't worry"

"ok" he nodded, turning to Spencer "Reid, is it ok with you?"

He gulped loudly, and you had to bite your lip to not laugh.

"Y-Yes, It's ok" he struggled out.

"alright then" he clapped his hands "we'll meet here tomorrow at 7:30"

You looked at spencer, still visibly surprised, and smiled as he caught your eyes.

well, maybe you weren't that careful after all.

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@jazzerbelle14   @nerdory10     @milivanili99     @cyb3rdollq    @ssababe​     @lou-the-confused-bisexual​    @simpforspence   @loviseamms    @gojutsu​    @youbrokemelikeallyourpromises

[fissions-chips]

party favour

(prompt 3: delirium. 'bad karma' au- tw for drugging, disorientation, noncon kissing + touch, and vomiting)

Everything was… too much. Far, far too much.

   With one hand pressed to his aching head, Jon staggered along, struggling not to crash into the darkened figures that suddenly loomed in his vision. Sick, sick sound pulsed through him, shuddering up from the floor, and the moment Jon’s hand hit the wall, he sank against it, pressing his face to it for a moment and praying it would block out some of the light, some of the noise, something.

   What the hell did that prick give me?

   Valentine’s parties were an unusual fare for a man of his standing- for all his riches and all his power, Valentine hated galas, or fundraisers, or any of the other blasé forms of social gathering that CEOs and businessfolk generally had to allow themselves. He had been a rock star first, a man satisfied only with stage lights and the kind of beat that shook your chest with it… and even if he had toned it down, somewhat, to better please all of his guests, the neon lights and low, echoing sound was enough to rock Jon’s frazzled senses. 

   Last time he had been down here, in Silica’s lowest gathering hall, he had… he couldn’t remember, actually. The time before that, he did, because he had gone into that party painfully, painfully sober, with that metal muzzle-mask cutting into him. He’d been kept ‘at heel’ then, humiliated- stuck seated at Valentine’s feet the entire night, held by collar and leash like some stupid animal. The pain had been distracting enough, the mesh leaving dark bruising behind when the other had finally saw fit to loosen it from his face, after everyone had gone home- after everyone had gotten their kicks and taunts in. 

   That had been bad enough- Jon’s reputation had been on the rocks for years now, but his unpredictability had meant he was left well enough alone, back when he was on top. The occasional attempt at assassination, the occasional brawl, expected for one of his position. Now, as a prisoner, he had no such power to hide behind, and Valentine knew it. Everyone knew it. The muzzle had been a mark of that, of his fall from top to bottom- but this? Drugged to high-fucking-hell and tossed out among Valentine’s criminal elite? 

   It was worse. 

   “You’re coming,” Valentine had told him, “-as a party favour.” He had been grinning as he said it, smoke drifting from between his teeth as he shook pills out into his palm. “A cheap piece of entertainment for everyone- don’t look so glum, Jonny. It doesn’t take much to make you look like a joke. Here, be a dear and take these without a fight, would you? I’d hate to get blood on this suit.”

   His enemies wanted to see him hurting and miserable, voice slurring and steps staggered and halting. They thought it was funny. 

   I’m not laughing.

   Staring out into the crowd, Jon tried to catch sight of a familiar fur-collared coat and those damn tinted lenses- Valentine was his tormentor and a sick prick to be stuck with, but he was predictable. A constant. Familiar. With his vision swimming and sight, sound and sense blurring together, it was still a safer bet than the people whom Jon couldn’t recognize, sneering and snickering. Some of these guests, more than likely, had very good reason to see him harmed. Jon had a feeling that Valentine didn’t want him dead yet, and was likely keeping a closer eye on his guests than they realized- but he didn’t want to push it. He couldn’t afford to push it, when all it took was one penknife between his ribs or two hands around his neck, the other a second too slow to intervene. 

   If I did get stabbed, Jon wondered, taking a moment to slump back against the wall and breathe- his chest felt tight. God, he was burning up. Would I go to the hospital? Or to a bodybag in the trash? Valentine may not have wanted his ‘pet’ dead yet… but Jon doubted he was worth the effort to save. The other might even be tempted to throw him out while he was still breathing, left in some cold ditch or alleyway to die. The thought chilled him to the bone, and he tried to force it from his mind- an effort that felt like pushing a boulder uphill. His mind was racing too quickly for him to catch.

   Maybe I’d get a bullet, he thought. He wondered when that had become a hopeful thought, instead of a miserable one- the realization struck him like a fist, and he stumbled, a sudden flood of nausea overwhelming him. One shaking hand pressed to his chest, he lurched away from the wall, swallowing thickly- 

   And tripped over a leg stretched outwards, sent toppling to the floor. 

   “-ATCH IT!”

   Jon groaned, one arm shielding his head as a vicious kick was driven into his lower back, the sound breaking off into a strangled whine. Struggling to lift himself from the floor, he sank back onto his knees, trying to shake the stars from his vision. Laughter rang in his ears, and Jon bit back a curse as he struggled to his feet.

   The one who tripped him flashed him a wicked grin, all bared teeth- panting, Jon’s eyes narrowed. He tried to place his face in his mind, but recognition was beyond him, and the longer he looked, the blurrier his vision became. Scrubbing furiously at his eyes with the back of one hand, he limped onwards. The stumble had brought with it one stroke of luck; he knew one of the voices, nearly lost among the endless, pulsing noise. Strong and musical and mocking- and he staggered towards it, dodging hands as he went. 

   Valentine had thrown himself halfway across a booth, a glass of liquor in one hand, cigarette perched in the other- he took a deep drag of it and breathed pale, sweet smoke, still snickering. The woman he was sitting with, face blurred, nudged him and pointed- Valentine tilted his head and smiled, all teeth. 

   Having fun? He mouthed- or he might have spoken. Jon couldn’t tell. Overwhelmed and sound-sick, he just bowed his head and waited, swaying on his feet. 

   Valentine leaned over to the woman across from him, said something with a sneer- then, a hand closed around his wrist and dragged him into the booth beside the other. Jon found himself crushed to the other man’s chest, Valentine’s arm snaking around his waist and pinning him there. “Too much?” He murmured, breath hot against Jon’s ear. “You don’t look too good.” 

   Fuck you, Jon wanted to snarl. Fuck you and all your stupid shit. 

   That’s what he wanted to say. Instead, he just nodded, relieved to be off of his feet for a moment. Valentine chuckled, taking a puff of smoke before turning his head and jetting it across Jon’s face. Coughing, Jon screwed his eyes shut, turning his face to hide it in the fur of the other man’s coat. There was a rumbling against his cheek as Valentine said something, shifted a little- Jon let out a long, quiet sigh. 

   He could hear the other man’s heartbeat, hidden from the world. It was strong, steady. This used to be comforting. Jon could remember that, at least. Part of him prayed it would be the same now, as much as he loathed the man he was curled up against, and as much as Valentine loathed him. How many bad trips had he spent, just like this? Curled up against the other, waiting until his head cleared and his hands stopped shaking. 

   His chest ached with something a lot like grief. 

   There was a sharp nudge against his shoulder- Jon groaned, turning away. Then, the grip around his body turned bruising, and he forced himself to lift his head, thoughts spinning. 

   “Here.” 

   The rim of a glass was pushed up to his lips, and Jon balked- Valentine’s voice sharpened, insistent. “Drink,” he purred. “You’ll feel better.” 

   A hand closed in his hair, Jon’s head tilted back as Valentine began to drain the liquor in his glass down Jon’s throat. It burned, and, sputtering, the smaller man tried to squirm away, his hands fumbling at the other- his teeth clicked against the glass and Jon began to choke, struggling to breath around the alcohol pouring into his mouth. 

   Thunk. The glass was dropped heavily onto the table, Jon left hacking and coughing against Valentine’s coat- the dark-haired man snickered, muttering something about “holding his liquor” as his hand tightened in Jon’s hair until it hurt. 

   Jon’s stomach roiled, and he closed his eyes, completely overwhelmed. The taste of alcohol was nauseating, burning- his whole body was burning. His skin felt too hot. Heart pounding in his chest, panicked and stuttering, the man suddenly found himself dragged upright as Valentine let out a loud, raucous shout. 

   “Oh, I know this one! C’mon, Jonny!” 

   Senses swimming, Jon suddenly felt that same, sickening pulsing course up his body as he was dragged to the center of the floor, Valentine’s hand locked around his own. Was it the music? Was it his heartbeat? Voices cheered and crowed as Jon staggered with the sudden motion, his knees nearly buckling- before he could fall to the ground, however, he was spun in another direction, Valentine’s voice taking on a mocking note as he hissed into his ear. 

   “Two left feet, Jon? Better keep up~”

   With that, Jon suddenly found himself the unwilling partner in a stumbling, fast-paced waltz- Valentine stepped and spun effortlessly, his smile wide and dazzling as he sang along to the sound. Jon caught bits and pieces, the notes to some some song he couldn’t name- dizzy and overwhelmed by the motion, he struggled to keep up with the other and not collapse entirely. 

   The audience laughed and called, hooting and jeering as their faces blurred around them- Valentine preened under the attention, eyes glittering with cruel amusement as his fingers sank into the small of Jon’s back, digging into almost-healed bruises until the smaller man hissed in pain. 

   It was all too much. Completely disoriented, Jon let his head fall against the other man’s shoulder, humiliated. The cheering and laughter was loud, louder than the music, louder than the blood rushing in his ears- Jon, to his horror, found his eyes beginning to sting, and he pressed his face into the other man’s neck, praying that Valentine took the hint and gave him a moment to breathe. 

   I can’t keep this up. Jon couldn’t get his thoughts in order- he couldn’t focus. Coherence was slipping from him like sand through his fingers, and there was a foul, bitter taste beginning to rise in the back of his throat. 

   “-y, Val- o’er here!”

   A sharp voice called across the room- Jon’s feet dragged along the ground as he was hurriedly pulled along, Valentine shouting something in answer, laughing. Legs shaking, Jon’s fingers dug into the other man’s coat, fumbling blindly as he was suddenly shoved away. 

Come back.

   Jon’s head knocked against the back of another booth as hands suddenly seized him- struggling, Jon was spun to find himself face to face with another man, a plume of smoke meeting him and leaving him doubled over and hacking. 

   “Remember me?” 

   Blinking furiously, Jon shoved at the sudden intruder, teeth snapping at the fingers that grabbed him by the jaw, forcing his head forward. Chest heaving, Jon tried to pinpoint the sleek, pale hair and the flat, dark eyes of the man in front of him in his memory. Trying to sort it out was like walking upstream, unable to get his feet beneath him- Jon scrambled for the only point of recognition he had. Those same grey eyes staring down at him as he sobbed against the floor. 

   Shit.

   “M…Marcus,” Jon slurred. Swallowing thickly, his fingers found the wrist of the hand clutching his jaw and pulled, wincing as the grip only tightened. “You… broke my fingers once.” 

   The man’s brow furrowed in a scowl. “Not a nice way to greet your ex,” he muttered, shaking Jon slightly. “But fair enough.” 

  The next thing Jon knew, he was dragged forward, his lips crashing into the other man’s own. For a moment, he froze, completely stunned- a tongue slipped between his teeth, sour with alcohol, a hand curling around his ribcage and pinning him in place against the other man’s lap.

   Reality crashed into Jon like an electric current- sudden, violent disgust flooded his body, face flushing dark with embarrassment and fury. Jon reeled backwards, hands blindly shoving at the other man, the grip locked around his jaw and the fingers creeping down his hip. Marcus laughed as Jon wrenched his head free, eyes wide with panic. Shit, shit, shit- 

   Marcus’s lip was bleeding. Jon tasted blood in his mouth, mingling with liquor and something bitter and creeping. He still felt too hot. Strong hands seized his wrists and slammed them against his sternum, Jon left wheezing for breath as the other man sneered. He couldn’t breathe. Head spinning and vision darkening at the edges, Jon could just barely make out Marcus’s snarled words as a sudden, plunging feeling dropped into his stomach, roiling.

   “Calm down, you stupid fuck, I’m sure your boyfriend is fi-“

   Jon vomited.

   Immediately, the other man’s voice rose to a shout, Jon flung away as he doubled over violently, retching and coughing. Jon’s knees hit the floor and he toppled, gasping for breath. Heaving himself halfway upright, he tried to wipe the bile from his mouth, his hands shaking- he tried to lurch to his feet, heart rattling. He failed. 

   There was a sudden crash somewhere to his right- Jon turned his head to see the table had been sent tumbling to the ground beside him. He blinked, confused as to how it had gotten there. 

   Movement flickered in the edge of his vision, and Jon turned just as a boot caught him in the nose, his head cracking against the floor and his senses suddenly going black. 

— — —

   When Jon came to, he was on his back. Quiet chatter flickered at the edge of his senses, his ears ringing too sharply to make out anything more than garbled noise. After a moment- it stopped completely- he couldn’t feel any pulsing against his back.

   Did the music stop? 

   Everything hurt. His mouth was dry, tacky with the sour taste of iron and bile- Jon’s eyelids flickered like camera shutters as he slowly brought his hand to his nose. His fingers came away dark with blood. Letting his head fall back against the tile, Jon struggled not to be swept under again, his vision refusing to clear. 

   Something was resting on his chest. His ribs ached.

   After a few more moments, the pressure increased- Jon coughed, struggling for air. Shaking his head slightly, he managed to make it up onto his arms, looking down to find a shoe planted firmly against his chest. Following it up, Jon blinked to find Valentine looking over him, silhouetted by neon, flickering lights. 

   “I…” His mouth opened as if to speak, but Jon found that he couldn’t get the words out. His head felt like it was splitting open- like if he turned just right, he’d slip from his skull completely, like yolk from an egg. 

   Valentine’s eyes were cold. As the ringing slowly faded from his ears, Jon began to make out furious screaming, slowly quieting- Marcus, being steered from the room by two of Silica’s guardsmen. The man was spitting with fury, guests turning to watch him go as he was pushed from the doorway and disappeared down the hall, until the room was silent once more. 

   The man said something, quiet enough that Jon couldn’t make it out- he stared up at the other, still half-stunned. Valentine’s expression was unreadable, his eyes hidden behind his darkened lenses. Someone handed him a bottle from one of the tables- wine. Some kind of wine. 

   Jon swallowed. 

   “Apologies, everyone-“ Valentine suddenly called- all eyes turned to him, the room going still. “It seems my friend here has been having an… unpleasant trip.” 

   Looking down, Valentine’s eyes narrowed as he opened the bottle, tossing the cap away. “Bad taste in your mouth, Jonny?” He murmured- for just a moment, his lip curled in a look of fury. Then, just like that, it was gone, replaced by that flat, shallow smile that Jon knew so well. 

   “Here- something to wash it down with.” 

   Without another word, Valentine proceeded to empty the bottle over Jon’s head- the smaller man flinched, sudden cold spilling down the back of his neck, the front of his shirt. Eyes wide, Jon stared down at the red slowly beginning to bloom down the pale fabric, wine trickling down his face to mix with the blood splattered across his lip. 

   Alcohol. Bile. Blood.

   Shaking the last few drops out from the bottle, Valentine stepped back, looking down at his wine-splattered shoe with a sneer. He let out a disgusted sound, turning on his heel to stalk away, through the crowd. 

   Jon blinked. His hands were shaking- he tried to form some coherent thought. Something to cling to. 

   The wine was cold. His clothes were wet. He reeked of vomit. 

   He still felt hot, he still felt sick, his skin still burned where other’s hands had rested on it- Jon’s chest began to heave. There were too many eyes on him. There were too many eyes on him.

   To his horror, he realized that his cheeks were damp- and it wasn’t with wine.

   Slowly, shaking so hard that his teeth were beginning to chatter, Jon tried to struggle upright. Around him, people moved, stepped away, returning to their conversations. The music began to pound once more- it was louder now. 

   He made it to his feet, legs trembling so badly Jon feared they would fail him completely. Some instinct warned him that if he went down, he wouldn’t make it back up again- something had broken up inside him. Something that wailed and sobbed like a wounded animal. Jon tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the way his thoughts were starting to spiral as his senses did, but he was helpless to stop it. 

   Staggering, half-blind, he was jostled by elbows and shoulders and shoving hands, people startling out of his way with shouts and insults. Someone kicked the back of his leg, and he stumbled. 

   Jon didn’t hit the ground. A strong hand curled around his arm, keeping him on his feet. Jon reached out, fingers tangling into fabric as he tried desperately to orient himself. The room was spinning. He couldn’t get enough air. 

   The grip around his arm was like iron. 

   Looking up, Jon found himself staring at a massive silhouette, the man looking down at him with a bewildered expression. Close-shaven hair and dark eyes, a furrowed brow- something about the face was familiar, in a way that tugged at the back of his mind. 

   I know you.

   It took Jon a moment to realize that he had spoken- some slurred approximation of the words, all jumbled together. Unintelligible. Jon tried to step back, but the hand didn’t let go. 

   He tried again. 

   Stop. Let go. Please, let go. 

   This time, his voice failed him completely. 

   Jon didn’t protest when he was dragged out of the room and down the hall, shoved into a closet. Jon didn’t fight when his hands were roughly bound by the man’s own tie, or when he was pulled out into the cold outside. His feet slipped against the ground- he was tossed over the man’s shoulder and carried, limp and quiet. 

   He was tired. He was so, so tired. All the frantic energy of before had bled out of him, spilling right onto the floor with the wine. His chest was tight and his ribs hurt and his heart was pounding so hard he could barely feel one beat from another. When Jon was shoved into the back of the car, left sprawled across the seats, he did nothing- he didn’t have any fight left to give.

   A small part of him wondered if this man was going to kill him. A small part of him hoped it would be a bullet. 

   And a small part of him listened to the steady rumble of the engine, and ached. Ached with longing to be anywhere else but tied up in the back of a car, waiting for death. Ached to be warm, and dry, instead of shivering and alcohol-soaked, the taste of bile and humiliation still sharp in his mouth.

   Vision darkening, Jon let his thoughts drift- thoughts of himself, somewhere else. Somewhere warm. Someone… taking him home. Himself, sick, and someone else taking him home. Someone who would carry him inside and help him shrug out of his clothes, who’d wash the wine from his hair with gentle fingers and a quiet voice. Someone who’d help him into bed and let him curl up beside them, running a hand through his hair and saying sweet things to him- like in the movies. 

   He could almost picture it. Almost.

   It was a nice dream. 

[timaeusterrored]

(His Muse)

(Thinking about them again babes)

“What’s wrong, J?” V’s lips didn’t move, nor did he even open his eyes. It was kinda freaky when he did that honestly. But Johnny didn’t have it in him to comment or complain. Like V said, something was wrong.

The thing that upset him was the fact that Kerry was right there. He was sound asleep next to V, and looking so unfairly beautiful. Everyone said in the band, Kerry was God’s favorite because of how pretty he was. Johnny never agreed out loud. But he had agreed with it.

It upset him that Kerry couldn’t see him. That Johnny couldn’t feel him with his own hands. Even when they did get to talk, it wasn’t with his voice, his eyes, his ears. Kerry only saw V, with the knowledge that Johnny was somewhere in there. It was a sick joke he had played on himself.

If it hadn’t been for Rogue, Johnny would have ran to him the seconds he saw the screamsheets about Kerry’s mental health declining. He knew that night fucked with his head even more than Johnny had meant for it too, but they had saved him and that’s all that mattered.

“Johnny?” V opened his eyes this time, turning to face him from where he sat behind him. “What’s up?” He said softly, making Kerry shift closer to him, his head rested on Vax’s bare chest.

“When I’m wiped, you’ll still stay with him right?” Johnny may have brought V to Kerry for their own comfort, but he had to make sure V didn’t ditch him as soon as Johnny was out. He needed to make sure he was taken care of.

“Of course I will… ‘M not an asshole.” Johnny just huffed and shook his head, looking down at Kerry. He looked so different, but still just as beautiful as the last time he saw him.

“…Would you like to talk to him? Tomorrow?” V’s voice was quiet, like he knew the risks that came with that. He knew letting Johnny take over like that was risky.

Johnny would love another chance to talk to Kerry, to have a moment with him instead of talking through V. But he couldn’t do that to V, he was already risking a lot slacking off so they could spend more time with Kerry before whatever happened, happened. V was thinking of accepting Hanako’s offer, much to Johnny’s distain. Kerry didn’t know yet.

“Nah. You’d be out of commission for a day if I did that. Those pills are gonna kill you, Y’know?”

V was quiet. Maybe that was for the best.

“Johnny misses you.”

Damnit V.

Kerry took a long sip from his coffee, eyeing V over the mug. He was taking into account what V was saying, processing it. It was way too early to be saying shit like that.

“Does he now?” Kerry asked, putting the cup down. He clearly did not wanna think about it, Johnny missing him.

They had stayed in the Glen apartment that night, meaning Kerry got to steal V’s clothes and have an excuse, like he needed one. Johnny remembered a time when Kerry worse his clothes everywhere like they were his own.

“Do we… have thoughts on that?” V asked, leaning forward on the counter a bit. Kerry leaned in as well and kissed his cheek.

“Whatever you’re planning, the answer is no. You’re body can’t handle it, and I’m sure if Johnny truly cared about you like he said he does, he wouldn’t agree with your sneaky little ways either.” Kerry shut down V’s plan quick, making the merc pout.

“But he misses you. And you miss him-“

“V, sweetheart, lemme explain something. I’ve missed Johnny for 50 years, I’m used to missing him. I don’t think it’s ever gonna go away. But when it comes down to it, I’m sure it will, I’m choosing you. You are my concern now, keeping you alive is what I want. Johnny and I can miss each other for another 50 years, doesn’t mean I want to see him or use you to see him. Got me?” Kerry rolled up the sleeves on the shirt he had stolen, ending his argument.

Damn. Was it bad Johnny was kinda turned on by that.

“Yes Johnny, it is. And why are you two so stubborn?” V asked him, pouting into his coffee.

“Like I said, you’d never win an argument we’re on the same side of. Never gonna happen, V.”

[julietvasquez]

My Personal Brand

Resilience is a characteristic that elevates individuals to greatness, and its benefits extend far beyond the individual level. Resilient people are not only capable of conquering adversity but also of inspiring, supporting, and empowering those around them. The power of resilience lies not only in personal triumph but in the positive impact it has on the world. By cultivating resilience, we not only become great ourselves but also contribute to the greatness of others. That is why I have chosen Resilience as my person brand. Four years ago my life took a dark turn and in a blink of an eye everything changed. My innocence was stripped away from me and I never felt so hopeless and alone. Still till this day I suffer from the consequences of that dreadful day. It was covid times and school was remote but it was a day like any other, I was minding my business finishing up a math project outside when I see my friend walking towards me and she seems to be under the influence. I quickly sit her down besides me. Not long after it was time for dinner so I proceed to leave her with our friends. As soon as I sit at the kitchen table I begin to feel strange and suddenly the room starts spinning and I realize I'm high.. frightened because I've never felt something quit like this I inform my mom of what's going on. Unfortunately my dad isn't the best when it comes to keeping his cool. He began to scream making me feel unease and that's when the delusions kicked in and I began to think all sorts of crazy thoughts. By then the cops are all ready at my house but the damage had already been done. Moments before their arrival I had held a knife to my dad out of fear my little brother and mom witnessed it all. Fast forward to me waking up in a mental hospital with absolutely no memory of how I got there. I was released the third day but it wasn't long before I fell into another episode and completely lost my mind. This time they kept me for a little over a week and I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 2 I now had to live off pills. My life after consists of me being in and out of mental institutions. After my first suicide attempt I decided it was time I better my life and accept what happened to me. Dwelling in the past was useless. I made a promise to my self and took my medication consistently for about a year. I took on therapy and stayed away from caffeine for some time. I am now proud to say I have full control of my sickness and I have been off the medication for almost a full year. I have made major progress and Im not quit done yet. I am thankful for where I am today and all the blessings that surround me. I now understand why I had to go through what I went through. I am living proof that the storm will pass. Over the summer I had the pleasure to connect with one of my students while I was working as a TC for an internship and she too had a mood disorder similar too mine and I thank God for my experiances because I was able to connect with her and understand her at a level not many people could. I hope to help more people like me and inspire others with my testimony.

[citrusandsarival]

Journal Entry: Halloween 2023

I tried to end it all. Things just got to be too much. I spiraled out of control. There's a hole in my chest that cannot, or at the very least has not been filled with anything I try to fill it with. Momentary distractions last, for a time. Alcohol. Acid. Music. I recorded enough songs to release an album and then dropped them all together because there was no joy in it anymore. I built a huge overarching world in DnD for a group of people I care for and yet I struggle to find the motivation to show them any more of it. I taught myself piano, Spanish, how to epoxy furniture, all of it lasting mere weeks before it just did not work anymore. And I'm tired of starting over. So tired.

It's an exhaustion that goes back years and years. A tired in my bones I can't shake. All the cliches of depression and none of the rehabilitation. I've been fighting and fighting for so long just to breathe and I can't catch any air. Fleeting moments of happiness pass like trying to capture bubbles with my hands. I failed every relationship I have ever been in. Some lasted months, others years, and always the same result: devastating loneliness and loss.

I don't know what to do anymore. So I took four times my regular dose of medication. Twice what a hospital visit required. Not nearly enough to do the job. I locked my door and laid down and prayed for death. I prayed to a God I'm not sure I believe in anymore. A long comatose faith from my youth. I prayed so hard that He'd love me like my father should've and in that love take away all this never-ending pain.

My friends showed up. And I wish I could say it made me feel better with them there but it didn't. Suddenly it was just overwhelming guilt and the knowledge that they would resent me for this. Especially because I lied about taking any pills until it was far too late. I could hear it in his voice when the EMTs I would lie to came and went. The anger. I heard them crying, felt their hands on me and all I could feel was sadness. I didn't die that day, but it feels as though those friendships did.

I am so tired of starting over. New friends when the old ones can't put up with me anymore. New romances when I don't meet the bare minimum of expectations. New families torn apart because I can't keep it together.

I want to tell them all I won't do it again. But even I have a hard time believing that. And what are they supposed to do when they hear that? Stay, knowing that I could break at any point? Anxiously check their phones when I call or text knowing that it could be something awful again? I can't ask that.

So I'll sit in my room alone. And time will pass. And the Someday I begged for, I fought for, I need will pass me by.

I am worried that this darkness shall never end.

With love, Nat.

[evanthenerd83]

Songs & Scissors

   I witnessed a miracle. That is the only way I can describe what happened the night of July 4, 1988. A miracle. 

   A brief moment in which the universe, long suffering, had finally given, breaking under the weight of things none have seen. Have felt. Have heard inside their hollow chests and heads. 

   The memories were scattered the morning after. Flying away from my mind’s eye, centerpiece of consciousness. It took years to take hold of one. It took decades to piece them all together. Even now, they struggle against the bonds. 

   Pills have helped, but only a little. Doctors fared less so. Only through the nightmares. Only through the screaming dark, the trembling hands, are they solid. 

   Read. 

   Read and know of the miracle. 

   There was a concert going on. In the middle of town, at the old Clemont Rec Center. Under its roof, nearly everyone joined hands, sang along to something. The band’s name cannot be grasped so easily. Nor what its members looked like. I only remember the Miracle itself. 

   Hundreds of people were there. Shelly. Miss Clairborne. The Dudleys. Men, women, and children gathered around a stage, lights blazing, stars trapped by our gravity. 

   It was the entire town. Firemen. Officers. The mayor stood near the stage, closest as any of us. 

   Why was he there? Why were any of us there? 

   We were there because of the music. 

   The Music. 

   I can only describe it as Music. Simply Music. Not the instruments from which it was being torn, or the genre it so desperately defied. One cannot pigeonhole this Music. It would not allow it. 

   Music of countless stars dying in an orgy of fire and ice, worlds rendered ash. Space stretched along a curve, the curve, the line which time had been penciled in. The line that once, before our Music was trapped by gravity, molded by His hands, God’s hands, flowed past the End towards the Forever and the Unknown waiting beyond all symphonies. 

   Music tugging on the trailing silence of our Notes. Tearing them free of blasphemous flesh and blood and that which makes not a peep, not a screech. There was no pain to be felt. We had already shed our prisons. Our heads were pulled back, fell back, our mouths opening as wide as they could go, beyond limits. 

   But hearing. 

   Hearing was all we could do. All we could do. 

   Hearing our jaws all pop, all open, break open to release the Music inside ourselves. I can still hear my jaws come undone. 

   I hear it when I am awake. 

   I hear it when I am asleep. 

   The Music flowed freely. Balloon tails. Serpents. 

   We were empty. The air was not. 

   The Music was a moan. The Music was a groan. The Music was a whisper and a gasp and a mumbling and a shriek, screams loud as any God, the screams for Freedom. For flight. Orbits around Their Fingers. 

   An eternal conduction. A dance lasting for all time. The expenditure of us, me, Miss Clairborne, the Dudleys, the mayor, those firemen, those officers, and those children who so blindly followed their parents towards such a miraculous celebration. 

   I do not remember how long we were like that. If time had existed during the Miracle, could have exerted its infantile power, days might have passed. Years. Maybe only a few hours shredded by. 

   All I remember is His Attendance, unnoticed by eyes. Yet glimpsed nonetheless in shadows and gaps, a figure darting between the bodies no longer ours. A movement caught fleetingly. Sparingly witnessed. 

   I saw Him. I was the only one, as far as I can tell. No-one seemed to be aware. 

   He went from person to person. A man tall and thin. With one hand He gripped a pair of scissors plated in bone, and the other caressed our faces. He would whisper something. I do not know what. 

   I was too far away. He never reached me. 

   But He would whisper. And He would gently use those scissors, ever so gently. Down they went, up they would go. 

   I must have blacked out. Maybe the cracking was too much. 

   I awoke on the floor, the rec center quiet, the stage bare. Bodies had been piled high. They were gray and limp. Blood had been dragged by fingers in circles and hexagons within pentagrams and shapes that did not resemble shapes. 

   I was buried in them. 

   Then the men in black arrived. 

   Not the police, because the entire police department had been in attendance. These men were strangers. They came from out of town. They came and took the bodies away. They soon took me away too. 

   To here. This asylum for troubled souls, asylum for troubled society. 

   I’d later learn that some of us had winked out that night. The older ones, mostly. The sick. The dying who did not yet know they were dying. 

   For those who still lived, they wouldn’t for long. The men in black stopped by the hospital from time to time. They still have questions. 

   Dr. King sits in the room while they show me the pictures. 

   Those who were healthy have gone. 

   Some died in their sleep. Others were awake, walking one moment, then stiff the next. Nobody can figure out how or why. Everyone thinks it’s spontaneous infant death syndrome. But for teenagers. 

   But I know. 

   And Dr. King knows that I know. The men in black do too. They still don’t believe me, of course. They claim I suffer from maladies of the brain. 

   Schizophrenia. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

   I might still be affected by whatever we’d taken. Drugs can cause hallucinations. Or somebody must have exposed us to something, either spiking the town reservoir or releasing gas. Biological terrorism. 

   At least they don’t suspect me of being involved.

   Dr. King and the men in black pity me. For I am alone. No friends in town. No next of kin to notify. The last remaining adult survivor of East Resiville, which suffered an unprecedented case of mass hysteria on July 4, 1988. 

   But I know. 

   I know that there was no concert. The band was not really a band. They were something else, nobody else. 

   I know they follow Him like flies. A bunch of flies buzzing over a piece of rotting flesh. Or ticks that jump not from dog to dog. 

   But from town to town. Every century or so. 

   I know they are attendants. Helpers of something older than mankind, than time and space, than Themselves. 

   Something with only one purpose in His heart. If He even has a heart. 

   Needs one. 

   I know that the Miracle has never truly ended. 

   My chest hurts when I sleep. A longing pulls me beyond the ceiling, past the stars slowly winking out. Deep into the dark. 

   From that darkness, something calls out. 

   It begs me to join it. 

   To be reunited with it. 

   I’m still wrapped around a Finger. 

   And I know those scissors are still coming. Ever slowly, they are coming. Ever closer. Ever slower. Building up to that final moment. The final Note of my own symphony. 

   They will finally meet my own Music, my String, my Life. 

   I just wish it’ll happen when I’m asleep.

[i-cant-sing]

Yandere RE8: TRP Part 4

Part 1 is here.

Part 2 is here.

Part 3 is here.

Part 5 is here.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

"Uhh... hello?"

You looked at the woman standing in the stairs. She was wearing a dark veil that matched the rest of her outfit- oh shit, that's a funeral outfit.

I really did pick a bad time to come here, didn't I? She's in mourning, she sees an intruder, and her day went from bad to worst. Yep, she's gonna kill me.

You took one look at the woman and then at all the possible exits: the doors- no, they'd be too heavy to move and what if they're locked? The window- but I'd have to jump out and just because it looks cool in movies to jump through glass, doesn't mean it'll work, Y/n.

So, the only option was to eliminate the threat. Or maybe... defuse it.

"This is your doll, right?" You asked, pointing at the doll, judging by the lace designs on both of their dresses. The woman didn't reply. "It looks like its been... used a lot. To be honest, she's very different than most dolls I've seen, definitely a lot more spookier." You nervously giggled, hoping she didn't mind. "But... she looks like she's been loved. A lot. Despite being broken from a lot of places, someone still took their time to fix her." You smiled sadly, remembering your own doll that Mia had ripped. "Wish I had someone like that. To sew up the wounds and fix them."You mumbled, not really sure if you were talking about your doll or yourself.

"Your doll, she's- she's very pretty. My sister would've liked her." You began. "Which is why I'm here. My family, we were in an accident- I know it was wrong of me to come here without permission, but I need to find my sister, Rose and my father, Ethan." You took a step closer. "They both of have blonde hair. Rose, my sister, she's just 6 months old. She was dressed in a baby pink onesie, bundled up in a blanket. My father, Ethan, he's about this tall and has big blue eyes. I think he was wearing a jacket, with blue denim jeans. H-have you seen them?" You asked, eyes full of hope and voice laced with eagerness.

Please, please let her have seen them. God, please.

Unsurprisingly, the woman didn't reply, but she did turn her head towards the left window. You didn't know whether she was telling you to get out of her house or signalling that they are out there, but you knew you had to leave.

Nodding, you slowly walked towards the window, your heart beating faster as you prayed that this wasn't some sort of trap, hoping she wouldn't attack you from behind because that would be like... really shitty.

But you left the house unharmed, and without looking back at the window because you didn't want to jinx it, you walked towards the forrest once again, thankful that the sun had finally came out.

Where are you guys?

You had been walking for a couple of hours now, the sun had been a bit warmer today, which was good since you hated the snow that surrounded you now. You looked at the map, tracing the path to your new destination. The Salvatore reservoir. It seemed like it would take you a day's journey to get there, and you sure as hell weren't seeing any lake in sight.

God, when will this nightmare end?

You decided to sit on a stone and take some much needed rest. Your feet ached from all the walking, and your calves were cramping. You rolled your head, popping it from the side, before taking off the rifle that had been weighing down, stretching out your arms. Digging through the little back pack you bought from Duke, you pulled out a thermos of coffee and twinkie. You don't know how or where he got it, but Duke had filled your bag with a couple of snacks; saying its for his loyal customer.

So, here you sat, in the middle of the snowy woods, eating a twinkie and drinking a lukewarm coffee. Both didn't taste good, but they're gonna keep you alive so, no complaining.

After drinking the coffee, you rested your head against a tree, recalling last nights events as you waited for the caffeine to kick in.

You tried to make sense of what happened when you got... locked in the basement. You thought you had forgotten about her, Angel. Guess not.

Wait- didn't that lady lock me in the basement? Maybe, she didn't look very hostile, her creepy doll looked scarier than she did.

You laughed at the irony. You always made fun of the horror movies where the family would become so attached to the most horrifying doll, and you'd scream at their stupidity, And yet here you were, falling for the cliche as you found comfort in that creepy doll.

Man, I'm really losing it here.

You sighed, closing your eyes as you tried to come up with the next plan. But the warm coffee had lulled you right to sleep, which was dangerous but you were too tired to care.

Just for a couple of minutes...

You woke up to the sound of growling and heavy steps. And as soon as you opened your eyes, you knew you had definitely slept for far longer than a few minutes. But that was not of concern at the moment. No, it was the source of the growling that had woken you up.

Just about 40 feet away from you were lycans. Plural. Not one, not two, but 5 lycans, and one of them was a really big one.

You held your breath as you watched them wander around; they hadn't spotted you yet, and if you stayed quiet, you hoped they would just go away.

Stilling yourself as much as you could, you watched them with wide eyes. One of them started to walk in your direction, it wasn't looking at you, which meant that it hadn't seen you, but he would if he kept on walking this way.

God, I know we haven't been on good terms, but like c'mon, you gotta give me a break. Please, I love you? Come on, you know this is not how I want to go.

You sent a silent prayer, and perhaps it worked, since the lycan suddenly turned the other way, joining its pack as they started walking deeper into the woods.

Slowly, you began to gather up your things, silently shoving them in your bag, one eye on the lycans and the other one making sure that you don't accidentally drop something that'd cause noise.

Fortunately, you didn't. You swung the bag over your shoulder, and took a step forward, careful not to step on any twigs.

Maybe God did love me. All that time in church-

THWACK!

You jumped back as a huge sheet of snow fell from the trees in front of you. You whipped your head towards the monsters and they all had stopped dead in their tracks. Slowly, one of them turned and if they hadn't heard the snow fall, they'd definitely heard the way your heart was about to burst out of your chest. Then, it growled.

Motherfucker.

You pulled out your gun just as the two of them began running your way. With a quick jump to the side, you dodged them and shot them two times each. Hearing your gun fire, the other two began running your way too, while the larger one stayed behind as it watched. This time, as you shot one of them, the other managed to kick you in the chest hard, throwing you against the rock. Luckily, you didn't hit your head, as you rolled and shot it dead.

Spitting out the blood, you looked back at the last lycan who had already started running your way. You began loading up your gun with trembling hands, but just as you aimed, the lycan took a giant leap and knocked the gun out of your hand.

Fuck.

The giant grabbed you by your neck, lifting you up high before throwing you across the ground. You wheezed, scrambling up to your feet as you began running away from it, its heavy steps following you. It roared angrily behind you, and that only made you ignore the burning pain in your chest as you ran faster.

But of course, God had decided to make you live a cliche horror movie, because you tripped over a fucking branch, making you fall on your stomach. You flipped over instantly, and saw your nightmare come true as the lycan jumped on you.

On pure reflex, you punched it square in the face, which you doubted hurt it more than it hurt you, if anything, the monster was momentarily perplexed, but that was enough for you to slip from under it.

But you were only able to take a few steps away when it suddenly grabbed you by your neck and lifted you up again, snarling as it began opening its mouth, revealing its razor-sharp teeth at you.

God, if you're hearing this, I'm converting to atheism because I did not need this today.

Looking at the horrifying lycan, you prayed one last time before you were eaten by it. Surprisingly, your life did not flash before your eyes, which you were kinda grateful for because you did not need to relive that before your death.

But that moment didn't came. No, what came were familiar moans of pain, and then the sound of a drill, followed by blood splattering on your face as the lycan was sliced vertically from the head to the toe by the aforementioned drill.

The lycan fell to the ground, revealing the pair of soldats that killed them and behind them a smirking Heisenberg, who rested against a tree, tipping his hat at you.

You were far too shocked to say anything, and after a few seconds, the man walked over to you, blocking the view of his monstrous creations just mutilating the lycans.

"So... that was a bit traumatising." He started, chuckling at your stunned face. "You okay, kid?"

What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck-

"Yeah." You took his hand, and he helped you up. You groaned at the pain, touching the tender side around the chest where the lycan had hit you. Yeah, you probably broke a rib.

Heisenberg helped you sit down on a tree stump. "Hmm, that bastard kicked you hard didn't it." Wait- "But that was a phenomenal punch you threw at it. Nearly made me burst out laughing."

"You were watching? Why the fuck didn't you come in before!"

He shrugged. "I just wanted to see if you could really handle yourself- which you were pretty good at, but then you lost your gun and it was kinda an unfair match from there on." He pulled out some pills from his coat. "i was just passing by when I saw those lycans moving away. Thats when I pushed the tree which made snow sheet fall and you know the rest from there on."

Your eyes went wide. "You did that on purpose? What the shit, Heisenberg-?! Fuck." You doubled over in pain, clutching your ribs, heaving.

"Shh, stay still, kid. Here, take these. They'll help with the pain." You eyed the bottle before popping two in your mouth. Hey, if he wanted me dead, he wouldn't have saved me from the lycan. "I just wanted to see if you were worth the trouble, and as it turns out, you are."

"You didn't have to almost kill me to see that. And now I've lost my gun. And I don't have any money to buy a new one. I doubt Duke gives freebies." You huffed out.

Heisenberg rolled his eyes. "God, you sure do whine a lot. Here-" He dropped a tiny pouch in your lap. "There's some coins in there. That should be enough to buy you a new gun. And for fucks sake, get a gun with more rounds! You don't have time to be loading a gun mid battle." He huffed. "So, where are you going now?"

You rolled your head from side to side. "Well, I went to the Beneviento house. Didn't find Ethan or Rose there. Now, I'm going to the lake."

"The lake? Huh, well if you survived Donna, then Moreau should be a piece of cake. You got the map? Let me show you the short cut, it's not far from here." You gave him the map and he showed you the directions.

"Where are you going then?"

"Mother Miranda called. Don't worry, I'll keep our meeting a secret." He then nodded at you. "Alright, I'm off now."

"Wait!" Your voice stopped him. "I don't know when I'll see Duke again. And I don't have gun, so what if another pack of lycans come?"

Heisenberg slumped his shoulders as he let out an annoyed sigh. "Fine. I gotta do everything by myself." He dog whistled and one of the soldats stopped maiming the lycan and ran to Heisenberg. "From now on, you're gonna listen to her."The soldat looked at you and nodded. "If she tells you to kill, you kill. If she tells you to die, you die. Follow her around and keep her safe." The soldat nodded. Then Heisenberg turned to you. "He's already dead, so don't worry about throwing him in danger. Oh and also, just take him into the sun every once in a while so that his engine can recharge. You'll know when he needs the sun."

You were baffled. "Wait, Heisenberg- how the- what the hell am I supposed to do with him?"

"Figure it out, kid. Think of him as a guard dog."

You looked at the soldat then at Heisenberg's retreating form, then back at the soldat.

"So..." The soldat stared at you. "You got a name?"

"Handsome." You nodded to yourself as you trudged, using the soldat's arm to support yourself. "That's what I'm gonna call you. Handsome. What do you think?"

The soldat was wearing a metal contraption over its eyes, so you couldn't really tell what it was feeling.

"Well, you don't seem to have any complaints, so from now on, you'll respond to the name "Handsome". Do you understand?"

The soldat nodded.

You laughed. God, the pain meds were either making me stupid or everything else funnier.

You looked at the map again. Just a couple of more minutes and then a right turn. And then you should see the lake- god, this map was confusing as hell.

"So..." you wondered what you should ask the cyborg. Oh right. "You seen Ethan? Blonde man, crazy big eyes. Or a baby, Rose?" The man shook his head no.

Sigh. What else could I ask him? What about how did he die? No, what if that's triggering? I can't handle a Terminator right now. And I don't think I should ask him about his past or anything that'll cause him to have a existential crisis. Ah! I've got it!

"Hey, how do you see?"

The soldat looks down at you for a few seconds then points at his metal contraption.

Wait- is that sarcasm?

You scoff. "Of course, you see with your eyes! I meant, with the whole metal thingy covering them, how do you- oh, there's this vision specs in them."

You smiled. "Hey, you're kinda like Cyclops, yknow-" you were cut off as Handsome suddenly pushed you to the ground, turning on his drill.

"Wait, shit- you don't have to be Cyclops! We can talk this out-" but Handsome was focusing on something else, and that's when you saw it. Two lycans.

Handsome ran and easily maimed them to pieces, I mean, you had to look away from the horrific scene midway.

The soldat returned five minutes later, covered in blood. He extended his hand and you reluctantly took it, letting him support you as you began walking again, your heart still beating like crazy.

But you calmed down when you finally reached the lake, the setting sun gave serene feel to the entire reservoir. You inhaled deeply before looking at Handsome. "Lets go down there." You pointed at the lake.

You were both sitting at the wooden broadwalk, your legs hanging off the ledge. You looked at the water, it wasn't crystal clear, but you could see some fishes swimming around, so at least it wasn't dangerous to life. You looked at Handsome, then at his drill and you realised he was still covered in blood. "Lets get you cleaned up, hm?" You said, pulling out a rag from your bag and dipping it in the cold water below. You began with cleaning up his drill, then dipping the rag back in cold water and cleaning his chest and his other arm.

"Good job back there, Handsome."You smiled as Handsome nodded. "Heisenberg was right, you are kinda like a dog. Hmm, I wonder if..." You tested your theory as you petted him on the head. "Good job, Handsome!" But the soldat only tilted its head in confusion.

"Hmm, perhaps not." You cupped the cold water in your hands and washed your own face, You looked at your reflection in the water. "You wanna go for a swim? I don't mind." Handsome shook his head. "Yeah, I'm not a fan of swimming either."

Handsome stared at you. You scoffed. "Oh so you pretend you don't understand what I say, but you want to hear the story? Fine, but I'm only telling you because it might be important later."

You both stared at the water as you began your story. "Well, when I was 15, I had snuck out of the house to go to a party. It was at this rich girl's house and I knew she didn't like me, but I was surprised when she had invited me to her place. Yes, a red flag I should've seen from miles ago, but I was young and dumb and desperate to climb the highschool social hierarchy." You chuckled. "Anyways, long story short, one of the guys there pushed me into the pool because I don't know if they thought it was funny to see me drown? By some luck, I managed to grab onto the pool ledge and pull myself up. I immediately left the party, embarrassed and cold and on the verge of breaking down. Then on the way back home, there was this car following me and then some weirdo catcalled me and tried to get me in his car. Now, scared for my life because I watched a lot of Criminal Minds, I ran all the way home, praying that he leaves me alone. I think he stopped when he saw a Range Rover following him, but I don't know. I just rushed back home." You sighed. "You know what happened next? I bursted through the front door, slamming it shut and I turn around to see my dad in the living room, looking surprised to see me. He stood up and looked me up and down and then said, "Y/n? You're drenched completely. And you're messing up the floor. You know what? Mia's in the bathroom right now, why don't you go upstairs and I'll clean up here. You know how she gets when there's water on the wood." And I was just so shocked, that I didn't say anything and went back upstairs. Once I was in the shower, that's when I broke down crying. I almost drowned, almost got kidnapped and my father was worried about me messing up the wooden floor? Hell, he didn't even ask me why I was coming home at midnight." Your tears fell into the lake, making small ripples. You chuckled, "God, I always wondered how tired he must've been from work that day to ignore all these visible signs of distress. I always hated his job, you know? They made him work way too much." You looked at Handsome who was looking at the lake. "Anywho, now you know I can't swim so, save me if I fall into this lake, okay?" He nodded.

You guys sat in comfortable silence for a few more minutes before a question popped up in your mind. "Handsome?" He turned his head towards you, only to see a mischievous smile on your face. "Are you seeing someone?" The man turned his back to the lake, making you laugh. "Ahh, so you like someone. Tell me, is it someone from the village?" The man further turned his head away from you in embarrassment. "Oh come on, tell me! Is it a girl?" He nodded reluctantly, making you punch his arm. "You dog! Does she know?" Handsome shook his head, making you smile. "Tell you what? As a payback for saving me back there, I'll help you get her. I'll be your wingman, Handsome, hm?" He nodded a bit enthusiastically.

"We all deserve good things, Handsome. No matter how we look, or what we are, these things don't really define one's self worth. Its our intentions, you know?" Handsome didn't know, but he nodded anyways.

"Good. Now, lets go check out this place. Keep an eye out for Ethan and Rose, okay?" You told him, not knowing someone was already watching the two of you.

So... thought?

What did you guys think about Handsome? I'm gonna post a pic of him soon if you guys want.

Part 5 is here.

[jaeminscoffee]

Daddy Issues | S. Jn

Pairing | Seo Johnny x Fem!Reader

Genre | Smut, fluff

Wc;type | oneshot: 3.93k [not proof read]

Warning(s) | Pwp, dilf!johnny, y/n's a pillow princess, daddy kink, overstimulation, teasing, edging, dacryphilia, slight voyeurism, degradation kink, heavy use of the words 'doll, princess, slut, pretty, angel', typical lyra smut, i made haechan johnny's son (i was about to write changbin as johnny's son but decided against it) age gap, unprotected sex ( the Reader's on pills. Remember this is a fiction, don't play the wrong card irl) filth.

a/n- i found this request buried in my asks and was tempted to write it. Sure, the warning looks intimidating, but i know you wanna read it, y'all whores (ily) shoutout to @bakugou-is-my-bae @cvntzennie and @jenopollo for helping me decide what to post first! @suhpersonic

Minors try not to interact! <3

Age is just a number, so surely, there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of, right? 

There's no reason for you to not fall for the friendly neighborhood bachelor, well not so bachelor bachelor, since he does go around asking people who knows of his marriage to pretend it never took place. 

Johnny's hot, super hot. Has the build of a supermodel. Has the face that one can only imagine belongs to a greek god, as you'd jokingly tell him how he seemed to be god's favorite and how you loathe Aphrodite for showing favoritism (which would always end up with you getting a very sultry, teasing look from the lad) 

Johnny has the type of personality that women can only wish the entirety of the male species would possess. He's an absolute sweetheart, life of the party, definitely the center of attention wherever he goes. And oh god, does he have an immaculate fashion sense. 

But Johnny's also the father of Donghyuck. Your best friend. 

More than being ashamed about the fact that you actually fell in love with a man who has a child of your age, it was the fact that you had to fall for Donghyuck's father of all people. 

Donghyuck is a sweetheart, definitely got his personality from his father but he's also got that glare that could creep the Lord's of the darkness from his father. He's got so much from his father that the resemblance is uncanny. 

You'd not want to get onto hyuck's bad side since you've gotten first hand experience at stopping him from almost committing homicide to someone who spoke shit about his friends, more specifically, you. 

But Hyuck's not in town. So a little fun with Mr. Suh wouldn't hurt anyone, correct? After all, you're still only a human with desires and the want to take risks. 

You'd always not so subtly drop hints at Johnny and he'd always give you that look that would have slick collecting itself between your thighs. A warning look. 

A look that said, "cross the line and you'll get it" 

But that's the thing, you want to get it and will do anything to get it.

"Y/n." 

You'd ask yourself less than a million times if you want to do this or not.

Sure, you weren't this hesitant when you decided to sext your best friend's father knowingly when he was in business mode to irk him up but that's one thing. 

And having to confront the same father who left a message smaller than a sentence that completely disregarded all the obscene text and images to show that he's not the slightest bothered or suprised by your behavior for that matter was another thing.

"Tomorrow at mine." 

It's almost as though he deals with hormonal teenagers one as such as yourself on a daily basis and that thought kind of backfired at you considering the whole 'Let's piss Johnny off so that he'd finally give me what i want' agenda. 

Ironic, huh? 

"Mr. Suh." you start hesitantly, unsure of what to call him, scared of what his reaction would be after your inappropriate shenanigans last night. 

Your stiff demeanor broke down a little with just a hint of shiver passing down your spine as you watch his features contort into a subtle but cocky smirk, "So now you're being all formal,"

"Well, what else would you like me to address you as?" you inquire, feigning oblivion to his tone and what he's implying at. "You tell me, doll. You seemed to have a lot of names to call me last night," he takes a step forward, prompting you to walk a step backwards, further into the corridors of his apartment and away from the actual location. 

"I do not know what you're talking about.. " you let your voice shrivel towards the end, eyes wandering around the complex, finding interest in every small detail as you avoid Johnny's teasing gaze. 

"You don't?" Johnny takes another step forward, latching his hands onto your forearms to prevent you from stepping further away, "You must have had a heavy sleep to forget all that you did last night," his voice drops dangerously low as he begins to walk backwards and back into the safety of his apartment, all the while keeping his gaze fixated on you.

"That won't do, would it? How about we take a walk down the memory lane? And see if that rings any bell?" He brushes your hair away from its static position on your shoulder, allowing him to appreciate all those fine details of your shoulders and neck that are exposed from your selection of clothing, an off shoulder. 

"How about we don't...?" You ask with skepticism, jolting slightly when you hear the door shut behind you and at the new intrusion of personal space by the lad.

"Why are you acting all shy now, Y/n? Weren't you the one so eager to get into her best friend's fathers pants? Just be the whore you are, darling. Your facade's fooling no one." okay you definitely didn't see that coming. 

Johnny's expressions morph into that of mischief as he watches your eyes grow wide and mouth fall ajar, "Am i not correct? Are you not a whore?" he asks with an eyebrow quirked up in a questioning manner.

You don't reply, almost as though the question was meant to linger in the open and that it was a rhetorical one. What you didn't expect, however, was for Johnny's hands to find pursuit around your neck, not necessarily applying pressure, but there as a warning. 

"Answer me." 

"I'm not.." you answer with a feeble voice, internally cringing at how squeaky you sound which only added to Johnny's amusement. 

"Really? Because I don't think good girls go around drooling at a divorced man, her friend's father for that matter and definitely do not send lewd images and voice out their fantasies to a guy twice their age, still want to pretend you're innocent? Or you admit it and we cut down the chase?"

"Yes, I am." you breathe out when his fingers tighten around your neck, a triumphant smile making its way onto his lips. Yet, Johnny felt the need to keep pushing,

"you're what?" 

"I am what you said I am," you speak, trying to avoid looking at the scrutinizing look on his face which seemed futile as he had his arms wrapped around your neck, keeping your head in place. 

"I want to hear you say it, doll. I need to hear you say it." At this point Johnny's intent was to get you into a flustered puddle in his hold and it sure as hell was going in that direction, seeing how you can't even hold his gaze for more than a few seconds in a shot. 

"I am.. I am a who-"

The sound of a phone ringing loud cut you off midway through your sentence, to which you were absolutely relieved. Johnny only seemed to grow annoyed the more he heard the phone ring. With a loud huff, he lets you go, not before giving you a stern look, "Go to my room." he instructed, making his way to the study. 

You let out a breath you've been holding in unknowingly the moment he steps away from you. You watch his figure retreat from you with awe, only now realizing how messy you felt between your legs and how your knees keep buckling. 

"Oh Hyuck!" you hear Johnny exclaim into the phone the minute you step forward to follow his command. 

Your best friend is on call with the guy you're about to fuck. 

Your blood runs cold as you shakily make your way into the apartment and towards the bedroom, shrugging off your sling bag, hanging it behind the door as you place your phone on the bedside table to wipe your hands dry from all the sweat that had accumulated at the palm of your hands. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, about to eat to my dinner actually" you hear the moment to make yourself comfortable at the edge of the bed, looking over to the door where Johnny stood with his arms across his chest, the other holding up the phone as he leans his weight onto one shoulder, leaning into the doorframe.

You take the time to really appreciate his appearance. He adorned nothing more than a simple grey sweat and tight black tee but he seemed ready to walk down a runway at any given moment now. His long hair, slightly disheveled looking almost intentionally messed up, compliments his features. And oh his features. 

The everlasting smirk stayed still on his lips, moving as he exchanged words with his son.

You only come back to your senses when Johnny snapped his free hand in front of you, gaining your attention. He points at his own shirt, then points at you, mouthing 'off' while he listens to Donghyuck speak about whatever he's speaking. 

"Really? Jeno said that? Tell him I'm more than willing to welcome him as my gym partner, the lad seems strong" Johnny makes a quick move to remove the gadget from his ear, before holding it in front of him after placing the call on speaker mode 

Your eyes widen the moment you hear the disturbance in the background and Donghyuck's voice resonate through the room. "no?? Why would you want to work out with him? He'll only make you feel old, you know?" 

"Says the one who still can't beat me at arm wrestling. If anything, i think Jeno would make the perfect gym buddy for me," Johnny raises an eyebrow at your defiance, cocking his head towards the side, staring down at you with a predatory look, "Hyuck, you know, Y/n-" you scramble to take your shirt off at the mention of your name on the call, "-stopped by earlier" he lets out a silent laugh of disbelief.

"Oh? Oh yeah! I'd told her I'd give her book back before I left but I forgot, did you perhaps give it back to her?" Donghyuck questions. 

"I figured you must've forgotten so, yeah i did." Johnny replies, pushing himself off of the doorframe, now walking towards you. 

"Man, I miss her! I might facetime her after I end the call with you," Johnny sets down the phone beside you on the bed, leaning down, placing both his hands on either side of your lap, finding comfort at the crook of your neck,

"I remember her mentioning something about her cousin coming over? Maybe wait for an hour or so before calling her" his lips graze against your neck each time he spoke, you let out a tiny whimper at the so longed feeling, only to earn yourself a small bite at the earlobe, immediately accompanied by a hand over your mouth, "you need to be quiet, doll. Or my son would find out how much of a slut his best friend is," he whispers in your ear. 

"Yeah? Did she mention which one?" 

"No, not really, she kinda just stormed out after getting what she wanted" Johnny creates a trail of kisses all the way from your neck to your shoulders, down the collarbone while one of his hand worked to unhook your bra, "Yeah, she's weird like that," you hear Donghyuck let out a chuckle as you whine into Johnny's palm, your figure slightly trembling from the fear of getting caught all the while being excited about the risky situation he's put the two of you in. 

"Anyways, I'll call you tomorrow? The boys are coming over now so I got to go! Night, dad!" Donghyuck speaks up again, "Night, Hyuck." 

You hear the beep indicating the call has ended. Johnny let's his hand drop from your mouth and makes its way towards your hair, brushing through the strands before pulling at it with a firm grip, "I had my son on call and here you are making all these sweet noises, you wanted to get busted, doll?" 

"It's not my fault! You-"

"ah-ah! Don't talk back, angel. You're already in deep trouble, don't want to add onto that now, do we?" He makes a swift move to have you lying on your back, your torso completely exposed to him while he remains clothed. 

"But Johnny-" you whine, jolting when you feel his hands caressing the soft flesh of your inner thighs, "How do you think Hyuck would feel about this?" his hands travel further north, cupping your heat from underneath your skirt. "fuck, you're drenched"

"Now tell me, pretty girl, what are you supposed to be calling me, now?" 

"Johnny-, tha-that was a joke! I don't have daddy kin-" you try clenching your thighs close from the sudden attention your core was receiving. Johnny wholeheartedly lets out a laugh at your attempt to hide your true feelings, making a quick act of disregarding your soaked panties somewhere behind him.

"Darling, the more you deny it, the longer we keep going at it-" his thumbs at your clit, applying pressure but making no move to quench your needs. You let out a sigh of bliss at the feeling, your back arching off of the sheets at the sensation.

In any other situation, you'd be embarrassed at how sensitive you'd gotten just from all the dirty talking and looks Johnny passed you. But that's the catch, he's Johnny, the only one who can get you this sensitive while doing the bare minimum. 

"Say it, Y/n." 

"No, Johnny! It's-it's embarrassing.." you plead with your eyes, grinding your hips against his fingers, earning a satisfied, dirty look from the lad. 

"Very well.. I'll just draw it out of you"

Without warning, Johnny with little to no resistance, slides two slender digits into your wetness, setting a pace fast enough to draw loud chains of cries from your mouth.

"You hear that, doll? You hear how fucking wet you are? Hm?" he growls animalistically, the thumb that remained on your clit now moving in circles with a motive to get you undone in seconds. 

"Johnn-..!" you whine out, feeling your orgasm growing so close that you could almost taste it, "Still going at that, angel?" he questions, not really expecting an answer as he soaks up the pleasured look on your face. "Johnny- I'm close.. -" you fail to notice the mischievous grin growing on his face as he speeds up the movement of his fingers. 

"Of course you are, doll" He feels you clench around his fingers, back coming off of the mattress as you ready yourself for your release, waiting until the last minute to draw his finger out.

"Why would you-? Johnn-I was so close!" you cry out as you sense your core clench around nothing, whining about the incomplete orgasm. "Why would I give you what you want when you wouldn't comply, baby? That's not how this works." He shrugs, licking his fingers clean of your essence, moving up from the bed to remove the shirt that seemed to be suffocating now.

"Johnny, please!" you whine louder, rubbing your thighs together to create some sort of friction, all unsatisfactory as it did not meet the same intensity as that of his fingers. 

"Please what, doll?" He smirks, knowing the ball is in his court and that you'd had to give in any moment now. Johnny leans down once again, drawing lazy circles at your clit, using his other hand to hold himself up above and close to you, his minty breath which had a hint of coffee fanning your face as you whimper, finally feeling your high building itself up again. "Spit it out, princess, you know you want to." he speaks in a soft voice.

"Please..please" you beg for nothing in particular, getting all worked up again, "The begging's lovely, doll. But you're starting to anger me here, will you say it? Or should I leave you hanging again?" 

You mutter prayers under your breath, hoping he wouldn't actually leave you hanging again, "Fine-" he moves again to remove his fingers from you to deprive you of pleasure all over again when you finally latch onto his wrist, keeping his hands in place blurting out, "Daddy! I'm so-sorry.. There, daddy, please make me come" you give in, the name, the feeling and look of pure victory on his face as he grins like a cheshire cat only intensifies the heat growing at a rapid pace at the pit of your stomach. 

"Final fucking ly, princess. Daddy will make you feel good" He reinserts his fingers in, drilling it with desperation to see you come undone as he draws rapid circles on your now sensitive clit with the other hand, watching you squirm under him.

"Joh-Daddy i'm coming..!" you cry out weakly as you feel your orgasm hit you with much force, easily driving you into over sensitivity. Johnny's patient in helping you ride out your orgasm, not stopping until you let out a throaty sob and plead him to stop to allow yourself some room to breathe. 

Johnny, however, makes no move to stop, only speeding up his fingers, his gaze fixed on where his fingers disappeared inside of you while his other hand held you down with a vise grip, "Give me one more, doll. I know you've got one more in you. " he pants, the feeling of his girth in confinement only throwing himself to sensory deprivation as he feels himself twitch inside his sweats painfully. 

You shake your head, tears now flowing elegantly down your cheek, your lips puckered into a slight pout, your eyebrows drawn together as you let yourself melt into the pleasure Johnny was providing you with. "Daddy.." 

You whine, feeling your second high reaching you ridiculously quick as you see Johnny's face contort in concentration, 

"I need to get you nice and wet for me, princess, you're doing so well. Give daddy another one" you coaxes you with his sultry tone, words and actions, inevitably having you come undone under him for the second time that night. 

You let out a choked moan, finally having enough as you curl upon yourself the minute Johnny removes his fingers from you, full fledged crying at the overbearing feeling of sensitivity. 

Johnny groans at the sight, leaning down to press a soft peck on your sweaty forehead before getting off of the bed to remove his pants alongside his boxer at a slow speed, granting you some time to recover.

"Condom?" he asks, readying himself to reach into the drawing when he notices you shake your head a no as a reply, "I'm on pills.." you mutter weakly. 

You hear him curse out at the thought of doing you raw, flexing his muscles before climbing on top of you again. He takes his time to gently turn you back onto your back, pressing his tender lips against your irritated one for the first time that night, his hand ever so slightly moving to play with your clit once again, making you jerk, "Daddy!" 

"Sorry, doll. Daddy just needs to make sure that princess is ready to take his cock" 

Your whining intensifies at his words, wiggling your hips to move closer to his own, "But I am ready! Look, daddy! I'm so wet and ready for you!" you whimper, earning a chuckle from the lad. 

Just like all the other times that night, he aligns his cock at your entrance without a warning, the tip ever so slightly pushing through your walls, "Alright, big girl. Show daddy how much of a slut you can be for him."

Suddenly, Johnny detaches himself from you, moving further away as he leans by the edge of the door, smirking at you whining at the loss of contact, "Patience, angel" 

He grabs hold of your hips, manhandling your body into all fours as he enters you completely with no trouble once he's got you where he wants you to be.  

Something about having to take Johnny from behind was so sexy that you could almost immediately feel your orgasm grow, "Fuck baby, keep clenching around me like that and i won't last long," he grunts, moving in you with a steady pace, 

"I never expected my son to befriend such filthy sluts like you, Y/n. Look at the mess you're making on my sheets" He grabs a fistful of your ass in a tight squeeze, the sudden shift in his demeanor only serving as a whiplash as you feel yourself growing closer and closer to the sweet orgasm. 

"Jesus, doll, you're so fucking tight i can barely move" Johnny growls, talking to keep himself from coming too fast. 

"Daddy.. I'm close. M-I'm so so close" you cry as your arms give out and you fall face first onto the mattress, the new stretch in your back only encouraging his cock to hit you deeper, finding the sweet cushion that serves as extra pleasure for you. 

"Me too, princess, me too.. '' You hear him let out a whine, his thrusts growing sloppier as he does you slower but deeper. 

He reaches around your body to find pursuit at your clit for the nth time that night, rubbing rapid, messy circles to go with his deep thrusts, "Daddy!" you reach your high with a high pitched cry of his name. 

Johnny comes not too long after you as he couldn't resist the constant tight clenching of your walls around his cock. He thrust slowly to ride out his high as you twitch helplessly, face scrunched up in too much pleasure. 

You feel your body being manoeuvred onto your side as he whispers sweet nothings which pass right through your ears as you feel him softened inside you, the feeling ridiculously soothing for your used up walls, 

"You did amazing, darling." he kisses your temple, not making any move to remove himself from within you, which you silently thanked him for. 

You both lay in silence as you turned your body towards him, earning a hiss and a playful smack from him as it added pressure onto his sensitive member. You wrap your arms around his torso, about to nuzzle into his chest and just drift away to dreamland when you hear the familiar ring of your phone from the table beside the bed. 

You feel Johnny's body shift to reach out to get your phone, looking at the caller ID before handing it to you with a smirk that you knew meant that he was up to no good. "Oh! It's hyuck" you exclaim in shock, quickly accepting the call and placing it near your ear, moving to get away from him. 

But Johnny seemed to have other ideas, as he latched an arm around your torso to keep you from moving, "Hey-" you begin, immediately feeling Johnny experimentally thrust into you again, making you whine, "Y/n! I miss you~-oh hey, are you okay?" you hear Donghyuck's voice from the other side, 

You look at Johnny with a pleading and warning gaze to which you earn yourself a toothy grin from the lad, 

"Of co-course! Just a little.. peachy,'' You turn around to place a hand on his chest to halt his movement, "You don't sound just peachy.. I've heard you like this before!" you hear Donghyuck make those noises he makes when he's thinking as Johnny keeps thrusting lazily the more you look at him, you see him open his mouth to speak, "Oh fuck! You're getting laid, aren't you???" 

"Tell Hyuck daddy says hi"

[soft-boi-eli]

Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgery. (Part 1)

Tw:swearing, pain pills, some hints to vomiting, fluff as well.

Wilbur

This simp...

Makes sure you regularly drain your drains, take your medication.

You dont even have to get the fuck up, I mean he's your personal butler until the doctor gave you the okay.

Three times a day you get a smoothie. He can tell that you dont want to eat because of the pain.

The least you can do is drink something to nurioush you while you were in pain.

If you're embarrassed about having to sleep on some dog pee pads for the drain. Dont be.

Wilbur may not understand but he will constantly comfort you. He'll even make a video to tell his viewers he won't be posting for a moment. A personal issues came up and that is all they know for now.

Also when cold he'll try to keep you warm by very, very gentle cuddles. But any sign of pain and he's off of you and getting you warm blankets and heating packs.

His sweaters? Now all yours. You have no say. He will give you one every day knowing you find alot of comfort in wearing his clothes.

The last thing he wants is you in pain. Especially if it was caused by him.

Your testosterone shot? Dont worry he's got it for you.

He doesn't want you to get up unless you needed to go to the restroom or you were itching to get up.

If you dont take it slow he will threaten you.

This is a threat. He will make you sit back down if you tried to get up and clean.

All in all he is a simp and your butler.

Technoblade

Technoblade may not know what to do but he will try.

He's quite nervous but when he realized you havent eaten and needed something in your system for your pain meds hell make you something soft and light on the stomach.

Are you cold? He'll cover you in a blanket and just sit next to you. Floof senses you in pain and cuddles you more then technoblade.

Techno was a bit butt hurt but knew that you needed alot of support right now.

With his height his clothes are either tight or loose. But his hoodies are always huge. And very fucking comfortable.

His scent relaxed you and helped you sleep at night.

He is a hidden simp.

He will make sure you're comfortable. If you want him to he'll sleep with you in the living room.

When you start walking him and Floof are constantly following you. Just to make sure you are safe and comfortable.

You cant help but love your two boys.

His streams and videos are already inconsistent but he did say his next video or stream might take a longer time.

But if you dont mind then you'll sit near him while he streams. If you needed anything he'll get it.

You saying hi to chat. They know you're in pain by your tone.

And anyone he's in a call with will ask what's up. And when you tell them they'll understand and they'll hype you up.

It warms techno's heart when his friends hype you up.

God this closeted simp is melting internally.

Schlatt

He will tease you.

Pictures are taken and spread around the internet like a wild fire.

Caption to those pictures?

This dumbass just got out of surgery and didnt expect to feel like trash lol.

But off camera he's quite the nice guy. Reminding you to drink your water, getting you soft foods or soups, heck he give you some of his pushies from his youtooz.

And this behemoth of a man will give you his shirt or hoodies.

You are with him when he streams or records.

There is no say.

He wants to keep his eyes on you and make sure you are comfortable and safe.

Lowkey dragged you bed into his recording room, you were just vibing in the corner.

You meds are on a set schedule. If the time lands when he's on stream he doesn't think. Just gets up grabs your meds and a premade smoothie.

With that he gave them to you.

Watching you swallow that pill because you can be stubborn with pain meds.

Returns to the stream.

Yells at chat for calling him a simp. He told them you were in pain and it's the least he can do for you.

Will low key rub your back off stream. As sleeping while sitting up us hell on your shoulders.

Jambo is all over you, soaking up the attention he can get while you were immobile.

Schlatt would glare st him for taking away his S/O.

When it came to you wanting to walk he will let you.

If you hurt then this man would laugh and tell you to sit your ass down. You are going anywhere just yet.

He's gonna carry you when you are in as much pain.

He's tall and there is no stopping him.

It makes him feel a bit happier due to the fact you aren't hurting as much, and still getting to the place you needed.

Also he will hug you if he sees you are uncomfortable. The hug is very soft and unlike him.

But at least he is trying.

He also keeps his yelling down, doesn't want you to make too many stiff movements. It would hurt the hell out of you.

Tommy

Ok. Hear me out, butler.

He see the pain you are in and as one of his best friends he wont let you do anything.

Your parents were out of town after your surgery and it wasn't their fault their work called in suddenly.

So you were sent over to Tommy's for the three weeks they were out.

Tommy would let you relax on his bed, heck even sleep on it as well.

Doesn't care if your drains stain the bed. That's an easy clean up and he wants you to be comfortable.

He does still stream. Because it's something he does for a living.

But he'll try to keep it a bit quieter.

You once walked out of the room when he was streaming. You looked like a gremlin, hunched over while you had to take a piss.

When you entered you were greeted by wilbur, techno, and phil telling you they hope you heal fast.

"It only gets better from now on (y/n). Take it easy alright?"-wilbur

"Congrats mate, just relax and dont forget to focus on healing."-Phil

"Yo you got the surgery. Pog. Stay healthy (y/n)."-techno

You melted lightly. A small smile graced your face.

It brought you joy and there was nothing that could compare to it. Honestly.

It seemed almost every day someone tommy knew was hopi g a speedy recovery.

He once yelled at chat for saying you should suck it up.

"CHAT THEY JUST WENT THROUGH SURGRY. LEAVE THEM ALONE!"

You forgot that your parents were even out for those weeks.

Tommy would definitely understand slightly that it would hurt to constrict your chest.

"You cold?"

When you nod tommy is up and handing you one of his hoodies. They are big and comfy. Easy to put on too. So they are perfect.

His two dogs, Walter and Betty?

Expect them in his room curled around you. Dogs know when humans feel pain and when they need something to comfort them.

The stream kind of enjoyed that.

They got wholesome content from you and dog content.

Win win.

Tommy will make sure you have your meds.

If it lands during a stream he blacks out the camera and carefully gets you the things needed for it.

Get you a best friend like tommy.

They wont let you do much when in pain.

Tubbo

He doesn't fully know what to do. He went and spent a few nights over at your house.

Your parents asked his parents for help so they sent over tubbo.

They made a list but the poor boy couldnt read it.

"A sm-oosthie with their pain pill... what the hell is a sm-oosthie?!"

It took him calling tommy to ask him to tell him.

"Tubbo. It says smoothie and who is this fo-."

He hung up before tommy could finish and made the smoothie.

Your cat was quite cuddly.

When he walked in your cat was on your lap.

"Tubbo? When did you get here?" Oh yeah it was a surprise.

"Not too long ago. Your parents left and asked me to help."

He was doing it in all good.

But he scared you so badly.

He bought you a stuffed animal...

It was a huge minecraft bee. And by huge I mean huge.

Like here's the stuffed animal.

Ignore the child. I wished there was a better picture.

But yeah you get the point.

Tubbo may not know how to help you fully but he's trying.

Tommy came to visit with wilbur and phil.

Tommy was meeting up with them and you lived close to wilbur.

When they saw you laid up in bed, tubbo trying to find out how to help with your medication phil kinda went father mode.

You got homemade soup to take your meds.

Tubbo was quite happy to see you smiling and lightly laughing.

When they left you felt better.

Tubbo may not know how to do alot but he tried his best. And you loved every moment.

You got you best friend to help you. And nothing was better then that.

Ranboo

Ranboo spent the night and all you guys could do was joke about the pain.

The jokes were quite self deprecating too.

All night you guys were up.

You couldn't sleep because of the pain and he didnt want to sleep due to the fact he didnt want you to be alone.

So you two were sleep deprived and your parents were concerned. But understood you two didnt want the other to feel bad.

After you healed a bit your parents got called into work. Leading to you spending a few days over there.

Ranboo streamed a recorded with you in the back ground.

He forgot you were there once and he turned on face cam. There you were in the background nose deep into a book while wearing one of his hoodies.

You were freezing and your shirts were a bit too tight.

He just gave you one of his and that was that.

"Whis in the background?"-dono

"In the background?" He turned around to see you just reading your book.

"Oh. That's one of my friends. They had a surgery a week ago."-ranboo

He turned to you, "(y/n) say hi to stream."

Looking up you waved.

"My gay mind went brrr at the idea of no sacks of fat. Now body do the big pain."-(y/n) 2021

It brought a laugh to ranboo and his chat.

You joked through the pain. It was funny.

Dream

What is this I see? He's a simp indeed.

Low key he's answering your beck and call.

He's smothering you in love.

It may not be physical affection but it is still affection.

Your hoodies are replaced with his.

They are huge and comfy.

He saw something online that reminded him of you.

He said it was cute and decided you needed it.

You loved it. It helped you sleep.

Since sapnap lives with him he sends in sapnap sometimes because he's recording or has to get something that wasn't in the house.

Also when you found the zipper you unzipped it and found dream stashed some gift cards and little trinkets in it. Along with a note.

'Knew you would of found this.'-Clay

It shocked you kind of.

But you loved it. It was quite comforting that he gave his affection in these ways still.

Even if it wasn't physically.

Patches is on you 24/7.

She's cuddling you and being very gentle on you.

Low key she won't leave you though, she's following you everywhere, on your lap, sitting there when your on the toilet.

She's clingy. More clingy then before.

But it warmed your heart.

If george visits then he'll see a little gremlin making a b line to the bathroom.

All because the pain made your stomach feel upset.

And you hadn't eaten anything because of pain.

Dream is quick to rush in and see what's wrong.

You were sitting on the ground in the bathroom. Needless to say it didnt end well and you hated it.

"Baby. Do you want me to get you a smoothie and your pain meds?" You were grateful.

After leaving the bathroom you lightly hunched over you noticed the British man in your living room.

You watched his videos.

You waved lightly with a smile.

"Oh sorry (y/n) I didnt tell you george was coming did i?"

Your look told it all.

"Sorry you have to see me like this." You had the urge to apologize.

"No dont be sorry. Surgery is painful."-george

With a small nod you went back to your room and relaxed.

George

He didnt know what to do at all.

He answered your requests.

But he didnt know why you needed that thick ass blanket in the middle of the summer.

But now you have it.

Your stuffed animal that was left in the living room?

It's in your arms by your side.

He's sad it wasn't him in your arms but understood it would cause you pain.

He just lightly lays in your lap.

It brought you comfort and him comfort.

Your germilin ass tended you get up and walk at the weirdest time too.

3am?

Your are going to get a snack.

5am?

You are on your way to the toilet.

7am?

Your once more in the kitchen getting something to eat with your pain pill.

George slept through it and was confused when you weren't in bed like the doctors told you to.

He's quite meticulous with your meds and eating habits.

He doesn't push but makes sure you have something with that pill.

Hell try to help you with your bandages. But sometimes got queasy at the blood and stuff.

It was okay with you though.

You didnt mind that due to the fact that you too got queasy as well.

I think you guys sleep through this alot.

Wilbur and tommy visited.

You was shocked and confused when they had a few get well soon gifts.

Tommy got you a small fidget toy, just something to do with your hands sometimes.

Wilbur got you a few books and a small stuffed toy.

It was a orca.

You loved it but still loved the one that george got you.

He got you a little wooloo one.

It was something that was soft and easy to cuddle.

But the books wilbur gave you were amazing.

It gave you something to do for a long while. And it gave george some more cuddle time.

Other than not knowing what to do george was a great source of comfort.

Sapnap

Sapnap is a bit more experienced with it.

Kind of knowing what to do and all together he just know more then most people.

There is a regular schedule for you meds and so called meals, he changes out the dog pads if he notices them dirty. He knows how to maneuver himself next to you so there was no pain.

He also sucked up that he would be overwhelmingly hot and sat next to you under the blanket.You weren't nearly as cold because of that.

Also since sapnap lives with dream I imagine that dream pops in some times and so does patches.

You all were probably best friends as children. And people always thought that you and dream would get together.

Only because you two were more touchy.

But you saw him as an older brother, and took a liking to sapnap.

Dream was really suportive and saw you as a little sibling.

Dream probably saw you not doing to well and made you something to eat and brought your pain medication.

That was because sapnap was sleeping next to you.

Patches curled up between to two of you and dream brought in something you hadnt seen before.

A roll away bed.

This mother fucker got a whole new bed just so he could sleep in the same room as you and sapnap.

"Sapnap is a heavy sleeper. What if you need something?" He was correct.

You woke up to pain and discomfort.

Dream woke up but sapnap didnt.

You were mainly cold though...

How the hell were you cold with this man radiating radiation the heat of a thousand suns?

No clue. But probably the anesthesia since you were in sapnap room dream just opened the closet and tossed his hoodie to your lap.

You woke up sapnap when you put on the hoodie on accident.

He pushed up against your shoulder a bit more and draped his arm over your lap.

"What's wrong?" Sapnap mumble made you stiffen up. Dream seemed to fall back to sleep too.

"Just a bit cold." He lightly nodded into your neck.

"Mmmmmm. How though."-sapnap

"I dont fuckin know."-(y/n)

He let out a sleep chuckle and seemed to fall asleep again.

You just sat there. Patches and sapnap on you lap technically.

Sapnap woke up and made you breakfast at some point. You were in and out of it due to barely any sleep.

Dream woke up as well. You didnt even know when they left. But patches stayed with you.

Those weeks you were treated the best with these two with extra cuddles from patches.

I didnt know there was a max amount of paragraphs. But hey I guess it's something you find out sooner or later. So there is going to be a part 2. Including some character I missed.

[sungbeam]

[𝟖:𝟒𝟐𝐏𝐌] — hwang hyunjin x reader

0.5k words, comfort, reader has period cramps

So maybe Hwang Hyunjin was freaking out just a little bit. 

"Hyuuuunjiiiin," you whined, tears streaming down your face, contorted and twisted in utter pain. Your arms held your own body as you curled in on yourself to lay on your side, hips pressing into the couch below you. "Jinnie, it hurts."

Hyunjin slammed the drawer shut, then the cabinets above him closed. Where were those damn pain reliever pills? "Sorry, honey, give me—ah, just give me a second!" His voice heightened in pitch as he frustratedly scrambled into the bathroom in the hallway in a desperate quest for something to soothe your pain. 

To put it simply, Hyunjin had come home to you crying your eyes out from awful period cramps. You had unfortunately inherited god awful stomach aches from your mother, and today just happened to be one of the worst days. You had high pain tolerance on a normal day, but if this one had brought you to tears? Hyunjin was in a lot of trouble. 

He swore he was about to break into a sweat or start crying himself. "Yn-ie! Where did you put the heat pad, baby?" He called to you, voice trembling, his body already halfway out of the bathroom and heading toward the bedroom. He could have sworn he last saw you stash it in your nightstand…

"I can't remember—"

His hands dug into his blond locks. "Agh, okay. That's okay, honey! I'll find it!" His eyes furiously scanned the bedroom for the most logical place you would have put it. You were a very logical person, so if he could just keep his head straight!

Hyunjin dove for the bottom drawer of the nightstand on your side of the bed. It was out of the way, yet still within reach in case your stomach acted up suddenly at night. To his immediate relief, he opened the drawer and saw the blue heat pad greet him from inside. With a curse, he grabbed it and ran for the living room. 

"Baby, I found it!" He swiftly plugged it into the port by the couch and turned it onto the highest setting. As soon as he tucked it against you, your sobs dulled to sniffles. 

You stared up at him through blurry vision. "Thank you," you croaked, your stomach muscles already beginning to relax. 

Hyunjin couldn't help but coo at you, leaning down to brush his hand through your dampened hair. "Of course, honey. I'm so sorry it hurts so much."

You could only nod, eyes closing to try and focus on the heat now centered around your stomach region. Hyunjin took this moment to calmly locate those stubborn pain relievers. When he found them in the medicine cabinet, he almost screamed "Are you kidding me?!" In his haste, he must have completely missed it. 

Hyunjin tapped out two pills of ibuprofen into your palm and helped you get some water down your throat. 

"Feeling better, hon?" He murmured to you, sitting down by your head with a sigh of relief. 

You moved your head to his lap and his hand immediately came down to settle on your head affectionately. "Yeah. Love you, Jinnie."

He smiled down at you sweetly, then leaned his head against the back of the couch. "I love you, too, honey." So maybe he freaked out a little. But it was only because he loved you so much.

skz m.list

join my permanent skz taglist!

permanent taglist: @tayunji @im-a-big-mess @justanotherkpopstanlol

[xiaoderys]

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 (𝐥.𝐣𝐧)

pairing: Football Captain!Jeno x Mean Girl/Cheer Captain!Reader

warnings: smut, going into subspace, creampie, overstimulation, praise kink, cum swallowing, overuse of the word ‘baby’

word count: 2.8K

requested: yes

Everybody knows who you are— student body president, homecoming queen, cheerleading captain; you were the school’s it girl and you had everybody wrapped around your tiny little fingers with just a single look in your eye, but while you had everyone falling on their knees for you, Lee Jeno was not having any of your bullshit. Instead, he went out of his way to avoid you and since Jeno was the school’s hotshot, it came as a surprise to everyone that the infamous Mr. Golden Boy and the school’s most precious darling sweetheart hated each other’s guts.

But what people didn’t know was that behind all this facade you and Jeno both put up for the whole school, you were just a sucker for each other’s touch.

You swore to yourself that you would never even dare lay eyes on anyone from the football team, after everything you’ve experienced from Jeno, you just grew an overbearing hatred towards football players in general and much to your cheer squad’s dismay, your rule applied to them as well. Call it being too harsh but you’re the captain and what you say goes so you would always tell your girls: “Guys on the football team are off-limits. You think it’s cute for cheerleaders and football players to date? Then you’d be glad to know that you’re not the first girl they’ve fucked in the locker rooms.. and definitely not the last. If I find any one of you getting too close with one of those assholes, don’t even fucking dare show your face here ever again.” 

But you’re a hypocrite.

After one too many shots of some cheap alcohol and two horny teenagers at the homecoming games after party, you could only imagine what happened next.

Hands around your waist, body on top of his, tongues fighting for dominance; he tasted like beer and regret. You could’ve stopped it, you could’ve ran away, you could’ve told him no before he was shoving his tongue down your throat and fucking you senselessly on his roommates bed.. you could’ve done so many things to stop all of this before it even started but you didn’t. Because Lee Jeno is a drug and unfortunately for you, you just found your new addiction.

After that night, it became a habit, a ritual for the both of you. After every game or practice, you would meet up in the East building locker room and he would rail you until you were too sore to go to cheer practices the next day. Not your proudest moments but it’s just as if there wasn’t enough air in the room to fill your lungs whenever you were with him.

Now, it’s 4pm and you’re kneeled on the floor in between Jeno’s thighs as he guided your head up and down his thick length. You swirled your tongue around the slit, licking all the way from the base to the tip which resulted in unholy words and gutteral moans to leave his mouth. All the praises and lewd sounds escaping his lips were going straight to your core and you were so painfully aroused by now. You wanted to reach one hand down to relieve yourself while getting Jeno off but you know that’s just gonna cost you a mind blowing orgasm from him so you chose not to.

“Fuck, baby, just like that- shit!” head thrown back, fingers laced in your hair, sweat coating his well-defined abs; seeing him like this really makes you forget about all your built up frustrations towards him “Please keep going” his breathy whines sounded so angelic yet sinful at the same time.

He pulls your head up by your hair forcing you to make eye contact with him, lips still wrapped around his swollen cock “God you’re so pretty like this” he smiles “It’s almost as if you were made just for it” his features softened, admiring the sight before him, his adorable baby on her knees, teary-eyed, mascara running down her flushed cheeks, and mouth full of cock, Jeno swore the view alone could make him come right then and there but he had more plans for you.

“That feels so good, baby, keep doing that, fuck!” he groans, encouraging you to take his whole length until it hit the back of your throat. Jeno met each bob of your head with a thrust which had you gagging around him and that only added to his pleasure.

The sight of your swollen red lips wrapped around his thick cock so perfectly was enough to make him go feral so it wasn’t long before Jeno was bucking his hips up into you “Shit, I’m gonna come” he tightened his grip on your hair forcing you to go down on him faster and after a few more pumps, he was climaxing and you being the good girl that you are, swallowed everything he could give you, feeling the thick, hot liquid running down your throat. You licked up and down his length to collect all the cum that you didn’t catch, not letting a single drop go to waste then you stuck your tongue out to show him that you’ve swallowed it all. “Fuck that’s so hot” he growled.

You continued to suck his tip, trying to get as much out of him as possible but he removed you from his cock, pulling you up to straddle his lap “Come here, baby” he smashed your lips together and he could taste himself on you. He thought he actually tasted kinda nice

“You want my dick inside you, pretty girl?” he mumbles against you breathlessly and you try to nod, replying with a tiny ‘yes, please’ and he hovers you above his throbbing dick, spitting on his fingers and bringing them to your pussy so he can prep you because he knows your little cunt needs all the prepping it can get to take his fat cock. “You’re this wet just from sucking dick?”

“Just. Want. You. Inside. Please!” he chuckles at your neediness, fascinated by how he could have the school’s infamous snobby it girl drooling over his cock and all he had to do was whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

“You’re on the pill, right?” you nod at him and he bunched your skirt up to your waist, aligning himself with your heat as he slowly sunk you down on his length. 

No matter how wet you were or how many times Jeno fucked you, you still couldn’t seem to get used to his size, squirming as soon as he entered you. Small whimpers were falling from his lips due to oversensitivity and you could’ve sworn they were the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard in your life.

“S-so big! Feels so good!” Jeno’s a simple guy, feed his ego, tell him how big he is and how good he makes you feel and he’ll give you a good fuck.

He knew your body so well and found your sweet spot right away which had you almost screaming at the top of your lungs, thank god this area was secluded or else, anyone walking by outside would definitely know what the both of you were up to “Right there! ahghh please!” you squealed and he held your waist, thrusting up to meet your heat “Right here?” he asks, giving a particularly hard thrust, hitting your sweet spot over and over again.

“Yes! oh my god!” you threw your head back in daze, leaving Jeno more room to mark his baby’s pretty neck. He sucked purple marks on your skin that would definitely be a pain in the ass to cover up tomorrow but that was the least of your problems right now.

“Please go faster!” you needily whine and to be honest, who was he to decline your request? He tightened his grip on your waist and guided you faster up and down his length.

“Fuck! Come here” he pulled your face closer to him and once again put your lips together. He could tell you were close by the way you were clenching around him and as usual, he was right “G-gonna come, Jen, can I please come?!” you plead against him and you could feel his lips form a smirk “Of course, you can, baby. Come for me” that’s all it took for you to moan uncontrollably and release all your juices around Jeno’s cock.

But you noticed that his movements weren’t getting any slower, in fact, they were getting faster and faster and faster.

You laced your fingers in his hair, gripping them tightly “W-what are you doing?” you whimper “I’m fucking you, baby, what does it look like I’m doing?” he growls “B-but I already came!” you squealed and he pushed your body to lay you down on the bench, hooking your legs around his waist as he hovers above you, face inches away from yours “You don’t mind doing it a few more times for me, right baby?” he stills for a second, waiting for assurance. His features softened and holy fuck, you swore you couldn’t breathe. You shook your head with wide eyes leaving him with a grin “That’s a good pup” he kissed the tip of your nose before he continued to relentlessly pound into you.

His tip repeatedly brushed against your sweet spot, leaving you gasping for air and clinging onto his body like your life depended on it “Jeno..“ you sob, feeling yourself get closer and closer to the edge again.

“Fuck! How are you this pretty?” He brought one of his hands to your face, removing all the strands of hair covering it. Seeing you like this, drove him insane and all he could do was chuckle at your wrecked state “Look at you, all desperate and whiny under me. I wonder how your little cheer squad would react if they find out that their snobby little captain who talks big game about hating football players is just a little whore for me?” you couldn’t even reply to tell him otherwise because you both knew he was right, he was always fucking right and you hated it.

You could feel your next orgasm approaching, you try to warn him yet nothing but incoherent words and cries of his name fell from your mouth “J-jeno plea-hmnngg!” He watched you intently, brows furrowed, mouth agape and tears falling on the sides of your face “What is it, baby? Use your words and tell me what you want” he taunts “I’m so close!” you gripped the back of his head and pulled him closer “Don’t hold back, doll. Show me how good I make you feel.” You felt your walls tighten around him once again and you were cumming for the second time.

You thought he would stop there but it still wasn’t enough for Jeno. He loved seeing your flustered face; your whines and pants were like music to his ears, it would be a shame if he stopped now.

The sweat forming on his forehead was dripping down onto you, his thrusts weren’t letting up and you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was all fuzzy and all you could think about was Jeno.

He had you writhing underneath him, cock still deep inside your sensitive pussy, pounding into you mercilessly even after having come two times already.

Your whole body was shaking, you could only take so much. You let out cries and whines yet it only seemed to inflate Jeno’s ego and drive him to go faster and harder. “J-Jeno! I can’t take it anymore!” you thrashed under him but his big, strong arms held you in place “Yes you can, baby, just one more” He knew your body better than anyone else, he knows when you’ve had enough and he knows you can take more-- he knows you want more. “Just one more, okay?”

He continued to plunge his cock deeper and deeper until you were nothing but a whiny, sobbing mess. The overwhelming pleasure filled your senses. You held onto him tighter as soon as you felt another high approaching. Your mind was all over the place and you felt like you were gonna black out. You dug your nails into his biceps and they were sure to leave marks. “Too much, too much, too much!” you chant like a mantra “Just a little more, baby” he tries to reassure you but you were feeling dizzy at this point and his words almost stopped making sense.

You could feel every vein on his cock grazing your walls so deliciously. Every praise and groans that fell from his lips were the only things you could comprehend. “You’re doing so well, baby.. almost there” Your eyes were now rolling to the back of your head, your body stopped shaking and you were in a state of pure bliss, you felt dizzy and your vision was slowly fading to black “J-jeno…” you mumble “Yes, baby, you’re doing so so good, stay with me, just a little more” All you could think about was Jeno and the overwhelming pleasure from his cock rubbing against your tight walls and right at that exact moment, it felt like nothing in the world mattered but the both of you.

You felt spurts of cum being released inside you and you so almost passed out “Fuck, baby. you feel so good” he was panting and kept thrusting sloppily into you “That felt so damn good, baby” as he was coming down from his high, he noticed that you weren’t responding so he cupped your cheeks “Good job, baby, you took me so well” you were still deep into subspace and Jeno tried to be gentle with you as much as he could “You’re okay, baby. I’m here. Just breathe, okay?” He tucked the messy strands of hair covering your face and gave you a quick peck on the lips.

He pulls out ever so slowly, trying his best not to hurt you. He watched his cum drip out of your cunt and he swore he almost came for the third time “God look at that, my cum’s dripping from your tiny pussy. One of these days, I’m gonna have to buy you a plug so you can keep everything I give you inside” he slowly collected both of your juices mixed together on his fingers and hovered it in front of your lips “Open up, baby” you still couldn’t understand anything and it took you a while to register what was happening but as soon as you did, you opened up your mouth and started sucking on his fingers “Does it taste good?” you nod frantically and kept mumbling incoherent words which made Jeno coo at you.

He took his fingers away from your mouth and you whined “m-more please! more!” Jeno chuckled at how needy you were but he didn’t want to push you way beyond your limits ”You’ve already done enough, baby. You can calm down now, okay? just breathe” a few minutes pass by of Jeno trying to bring you back into reality and you finally calmed down.

He pampered you with kisses and praises, making sure you were okay after coming down from your state of pure ecstasy. “You did so well, baby, I’m so proud of you” he smiles sweetly as he wipes your mascara stained cheeks with his thumb “Thank you, Jen” you murmur, trying not to look him in the eye. “What’s wrong?” he asks, turning your head to face him “Nothing” Jeno could tell something was bothering you but he just shrugs it off because he knows your relationship was strictly physical and you would never open up to him anyway.

“Okay, well, I need to get going now,” he gets off of you “I still need to help Jaemin prepare for the party tonight” you tried to stand up but your legs felt like jelly so you stumbled a little but thankfully, Jeno was there to catch you “Woah, careful there. Do you need help getting home?” Yes, you do, but you weren’t gonna tell him that “No, I’ll be fine” you shook your head with a small smile.

“You’re still coming later, right?” you fixed your clothes and tried to collect your thoughts and you shot him a confused look “Hmm?” he chuckled, clearly your mind was still in shambles from earlier “the party tonight” your body still felt sore but you just couldn’t say no “Oh yeah, of course, how could I miss it?” He smiled at you, throwing his shirt back on “Good, you know where my room is, I’ll see you again at 7?”

You watched as he tried to tidy himself up and collect his belongings, thoughts running around your head, wanting to tell him so badly to stay and just talk for a while, to sort things out between the two of you because god knows you could only contain your emotions for so long, but instead, you just nod at him and smile “I’ll see you at 7” he returns your smile and walks out, leaving you there to mentally curse yourself for not having the courage to tell him how you feel but this is what you signed up for. You made your bed and now you have to lay on it.

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted 17 - Mind Games [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: Thank you so much for your wonderful support my loves! Here’s the next chapter, I hope you will like it as well, and please let me know what you think of it! ❤❤ Ily, kisses! ❤❤❤

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Murder, serial killers, violence, manipulation, mentions of sex, drinking, smoking, angst.

Word Count: 4700

Summary: Love demands sacrifices.

Not even once in your life had you ever imagined yourself in handcuffs, in an interrogation room on the wrong side of the table.

You weren’t even at the FBI headquarters though. The police had taken you to the station after the hospital, taking a blood sample and your fingerprints, then they had handcuffed you and left you there with a glass of water.

Of course they suspected you. Of course they thought you had murdered him.

Murder was your father’s legacy, after all.

You traced the handcuffs over your wrists, already feeling the bruises forming there. The shock still hadn’t worn off but you were starting to think it was a good thing. It felt as if you were watching all of this from behind some kind of glass window, perfectly aware of every single emotion but unable to actually feel them.

Spencer had said when you felt threatened, your body produced nervous energy, some sort of a fight or flight reaction but for once you weren’t trying to do any of that.

You just sat there, completely frozen.

“You look calm,” the police officer spoke, making you look up, trying to ignore the faint yelling coming from outside, possibly from the end of the hall.  

“I’m sorry?”

“Most people would be traumatized if this happened to them, they’d be crying, shaking…” he motioned at you, “But look at you. Still as a statue. You look pretty calm.”

“Would you rather if I were crying?”

“I’d rather if you were acting like a human being,” he said, “Why are you so calm?”

Why were you so calm?

Because your mother had taught you this much. Showing emotion when you were afraid meant weakness.

“My father was a serial killer,” you stated, looking him dead in the eye, “I’ve had a complicated childhood.”

“Yeah, I’d say…” he leaned in slightly, “You know, I’ve watched that documentary about your father. His interviews too.”

You raised your brows as he sniffled, trying to look like he was nonchalant about this whole situation.

“And I’ve spent sixteen years on this job,” he said, “After a while, you don’t even need anyone to speak for you to know what they’ve done. It’s all in their eyes and little girl,” he clicked his tongue, “There’s nothing behind your eyes but ice and death.”

You couldn’t cry. You wouldn’t cry. Not in front of people, not even if they tried to kill you. No matter how much they tried to hurt you-

No emotions.

“Impressive,” you managed to say, “Very poetic. Have you ever considered changing your career?”

“You know what I think?”

“I’m sure you’re about to enlighten me.”

“I think you wanted to follow your father’s footsteps,” he said, “I think you killed Anthony, and all those other people. It’s not even your fault, is it? Some people are just born broken.”

That was more than enough to make your eyes snap up to his and you could feel the lump in your throat but you bit your tongue so hard that you swallowed blood, making sure to keep your expression still.

“Nothing to say?”

“You’ve already decided what to think of me,” you said, “And I already told you what happened. What more do you want to hear?”

“Right,” he scoffed, taking a look at the file in front of him, “You went to bed around 12, didn’t wake up whole night, when you woke up you found him like that. Lying in a pool of his own blood, in your kitchen.”

“You don’t look like a whiskey girl.” an unfamiliar voice made you turn your head and you lowered your glass, tilting your head. The guy smiled at you, and stole a look at the whiskey glass you had put on the bar.

“Yeah?” you asked, “What girl am I then? If you’re such an expert?”

He thought for a moment, “Hmm, wine?”

“Depends on the occasion.”

“What kind of an occasion does whiskey call for?”

“Apparently an occasion for meeting guys with bad pick-up lines.”

He let out a chuckle, “Yeah, I swear I’m normally smoother than this.”

“I would hope so,” you grinned, and offered your hand, “Y/N.”

“Anthony.”

“But you failed to mention the part you texted him to come to your apartment.”

“I didn’t text anyone.”

“We have your phone Y/N.”

“I didn’t text anyone,” you repeated, “Someone must’ve drugged me and taken my phone, the same person who killed him, the same person who obviously broke into my apartment.”

“How convenient.”

You clenched your jaw.

“I always wake up during night,” you said, your voice completely calm and controlled. “Always. I never woke up last night, there has to be a reason for that.”

“If you’ve been drugged, it will come up on the blood tests.”

“Good.”

“While we wait for that,” he said, “Why don’t we go over what you did last night?”

You took a deep breath, “I woke up,” you said “Went to work. I left work at 7 to go to my sister’s place. I left there around eleven, came home and went to bed.”

“Nothing else happened.”

“Nothing else happened,” you repeated and he sat up straighter.

“Okay. Well just so you know, Dr. Spencer Reid—” he started and your head shot up, your heart slamming against your chest, “He is giving us his professional opinion at the moment, about this case and what might have really happened this morning. Do you have anything you want to change in your story before he’s finished?”

You gawked at him, blinking a couple of times before you turned your head to look at the one-way mirror on the wall.

The BAU was there, behind the mirror.

“….They came back?”

“We’ve sent them the report, yes. They landed an hour ago.”

It was as if somebody was trying to claw your stomach out of your body as you stared at your reflection in the mirror, trying to ignore the burning behind your eyes before you turned to the officer.

“I don’t have anything to change,” you managed to keep your voice stable, “It was a terrible thing, it definitely was but I didn’t do it.”

Someone knocked on the mirror, making you and the officer look that way before he pushed his chair back and left the interrogation room. You closed your eyes for a moment, focusing on your breathing through the blinding headache but opened your eyes when the door opened again.

Luke.

He offered you a small smile and pulled himself a chair.

“Hi.”

“Hello,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, sitting up with your back straight, your hands clasped.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” you stole a look at the one-way mirror, “Is he there?”

“Reid?” Luke asked and shook his head, “I had to basically wrestle him out of the hall, he’s…he’s not allowed here. Conflict of interest. He’s giving his statement at the end of the hall as we speak.”

You nodded, digging your fingernails into your palms. “Okay.”

“He also called your sister on our way here. Couldn’t reach her, but left a message. Listen, he can’t request it on your behalf, but you need to ask for a lawyer.”

“I didn’t kill Anthony.”

“I didn’t ask if you killed him, I’m saying you need to ask for a lawyer.”

“Does he think I did it?” you asked and Luke shook his head again.

“No,” he said, “But it doesn’t matter what anyone else believes at this point, Y/N. Ask for a lawyer.”

You kept your back straight, rolling your shoulders. “If Spencer left a message to Mina, she’s coming.”

“Is she a defense lawyer?”

“No but she knows a lot of them.”

He took a deep breath and put the bottle of your pills on the desk, “The officers also found this.”

You tried your hardest to focus, moving your wrists to help with the soreness of the handcuffs. “They’re prescribed.”

“I can see that. The side effects say confusion?”

You arched a brow, “I’m sorry, do I sound confused to you right now?”

“No, you sound way too controlled right now, I may as well have been talking to a robot.”

You gritted your teeth, trying to control the panic bubbling at the pit of your stomach, sending anger through your veins.

“I’m not confused,” you stated, “Besides, I haven’t been taking them lately.”

He threw his head back, pressing his lips together, “God, Y/N, you can’t say that. A psychiatrist prescribed you something and you—“

“They’re just for nightmares, they don’t make you…” you took a deep breath, commanding yourself to stay calm, “I didn’t kill him. I found him like that. It was terrible, but I didn’t do it.”

Someone opened the door again and Emily Prentiss cleared her throat.

“Luke,” she murmured, “Spencer.”

You could feel your heart skip a beat upon hearing his name but kept completely still as Luke left the room and Emily and JJ walked into the room.

“You’re taking turns now?” you asked and Emily cleared her throat,

“Me and JJ are the only people in our team who haven’t spent as much time with you, so we figured it would be better if we interrogated you.”

“I didn’t do it.”

Emily pulled herself a chair as JJ crossed her arms, standing by the wall.

“Can you walk me through what happened this morning?”

You took a deep breath, “I woke up,” you said, “With a headache. I knew something was wrong, I felt it. My window was open, the front door was half open and my phone wasn’t where I left it. I stepped outside my room, saw the blood, went to the kitchen and saw—“ you gritted your teeth and clenched your fists, “Saw my ex-boyfriend there. Dead. Lying in a pool of his blood.”

“But you heard nothing.”

“I never sleep for the whole night,” you said slowly, “Check my blood test. Something happened last night.”

“We don’t have your blood test results yet, but there was no sign of any sexual—“

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” You cut her off, a shiver running down your spine, “That’s not it. Whoever it was, they didn’t touch me, they wanted…”

“What did they want?”

You shrugged slightly, “I don’t know. They wanted me to see it I think. My…my father’s crime scenes.”

JJ took a deep breath and pushed herself off the wall.

“And you don’t think it’s a little too convenient?”

You pulled your brows together, looking at her and she stepped closer to the table, her eyes fixed on you.

“Two victims so far,” she said, “The ones that we knew that were in the same place as you, they had some connection to you. That woman who was killed at the charity ball, you didn’t get along when you were kids, you turned her down as a client before she was killed, and now your ex-boyfriend ends up dead, in your apartment because you sent him a—“ she scoffed, “I’m sorry, someone sent him a late night text, inviting him to your apartment.”

“JJ,” Emily started but JJ held up a hand while you tried to wrap your head around it.

She had a point. Two victims so far had some connection to you and that was not a coincidence, it couldn’t have been.

“You think I did it,” you rasped out and she scoffed.

“I think you had something to do with all of this,” she said, “I think you’ve been trying to manipulate Spencer for something. The best case scenario, you were cheating, that’s why Anthony was there and something went bad, the worst case….” She shook her head, “You’re behind every single murder we’ve been looking into, and Spencer was just a tool for you. He’s my best friend, and if I find one single proof that you put him in harm’s way, I swear to God I will destroy you.”

Two people had ended up dead, and that was your fault. The copycat was going after people who had some kind of connection to you, and apparently no one except you and your family was safe.

The idea was way too painful to even exist inside your head, but it was clear as day. JJ was right, you were putting Spencer in harm’s way just by being with him, and if it were him, if you had seen him lying in a pool of his blood, his eyes wide open—

You dug your fingernails into your palms until it hurt before you managed to lift your head, that invisible wall which kept you safe from anyone and everyone who could possibly see anything you felt going up again.

“You…” you trailed off, your throat burning, “You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“What does that mean?” Emily asked but before you could say anything, someone slammed the door open, making you and the agents turn.

Mina.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” she asked no one in particular and stepped aside so that 4 lawyers could walk inside before the police officer rushed to you to remove the handcuffs off your wrists.

“You’re not saying another word,” she snapped her fingers, “Come on, we’re leaving.”

“We’re going to need her to sign some papers,” the officer said as Mina grabbed your wrist to pull you out of the room, making you hiss in a breath and she froze, lowering her glances to check your sore wrists for any bruises.

“What did they do to you?”

You shook your head silently, and something in Mina’s gaze shifted. You had seen it only a couple of times, including that time you were getting stitches after some girls in your classroom had ambushed you in the bathroom, and more importantly, you had seen that look on her face when Lily had fever that one time and you all had to rush to the hospital and the doctors said she couldn’t see her.

It was fire, similar to yours, ready to burn everything in its path.

“Don’t say anything to anyone. You two,” she motioned at the two lawyers, “Read whatever she’s supposed to sign.”

The lawyers approached the desk by the door as Mina put her coat over your shoulders, rubbing at your arms as you swayed slightly on your feet, trying to focus.

“We’re leaving, okay sweetheart?”

“Miss—“

“No,” When Mina turned to the police officers and the BAU team, any trace of softness in her voice disappeared, “You don’t talk. If you don’t want to get into even more trouble, you’re going to listen to me right now.”

The officer that had been with you at the interrogation room just blinked a couple of times, obviously taken aback.

“Do you have any idea what you just did to yourself?” she asked, “What you did to this whole precinct? Because allow me to explain, my sister was a victim in this scenario, and you tried to pin this shit on her to make her a scapegoat,” she shook her head, “We will be suing you for defamation of character—“

“Mina, your sister—” JJ started but she snapped her fingers at her.

“I haven’t even started with you yet, wait for your turn.”

“Mina…” you murmured but she didn’t even look like she could hear you,

“Where was I? Defamation of character because press will be all over this, intentional infliction of emotional stress and wrongful arrest and hey, to make things fun we will also be requesting the security footage in the interrogation room and if I see one very small slip of anything that wasn’t supposed to be said and done in that room…” Mina tilted her head, “Well, let’s just say that by the time I’m done with you guys and this whole precinct, the only thing you will be able to afford is going to be a typewriter and a desk.”

One of the lawyers came to tell you the document was alright to sign and as soon as you approached the desk, a door by the hall opened and Spencer stepped out.

It was almost excruciating not to be able to run to him. He looked as shocked as he was and he took a step towards you but JJ stepped in front of him as you grabbed the pen, ignoring the way your name spilled from his lips in a whisper.

“Oh, hi genius.” Mina called out, “Were you getting a glass of water while your team was hounding my sister or something?”

Spencer looked almost confused only for a moment before he turned to look at JJ who deliberately averted her glances from him.

“Mina, this is not necessary,” you croaked out as you signed the papers and she shook her head.

“No, this is very necessary, trust me. You need to show these people what you’re capable of or they will try to fuck you up, case and point.” She turned to Emily, “You’re the one in charge, I suppose?”

“I am.”

“Good. Consider this your warning, because the next time anyone in your team, including the puppy dog eyes over there gets any closer to my sister, we will be getting a restraining order for each and every one of you.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, still swaying on your feet and you hugged the coat around you tighter.

Not that you could do anything other than watching this.

“Your sister is an active part of this investigation, your father specifically asked for—“

“My sister is a civilian,” Mina growled, “She has no responsibility for this case, you do. How about you surprise me and do your fucking jobs?”

You took a breath to say it wasn’t fair, that it wasn’t their fault but Mina turned to look at you.

“Get in the elevator, we’re leaving.”

You were way too tired to fight her, way too tired to even stand there so you followed the army of lawyers to the elevator, while Mina shot the officers and the BAU members a fake smile.

“Pleasure, let’s never do this again,” she said, and got in the elevator with you, and you tried to keep your expression still, Spencer staring at you until the doors slid close.

“4 lawyers?” you managed to say, “I don’t think even Bundy had four lawyers.”

“Tell that to mom,” she said, “She was on the phone with a congressman the last I checked.”

You couldn’t even smile at that, but Mina let out a breath before pulling you into a bone crushing hug, making the tears rush to your eyes as you wrapped your arms around her.

“Never do that to me again, you hear me?” her voice cracked for the first time and you nodded slowly.

“I won’t,” you said, “I promise.”

                                                   ***

It was as if someone had pulled all your energy out of your body. You were exhausted, you could barely understand what anyone was saying but you knew there was no way you could sleep anytime soon.

The blood test, as the lawyers had informed you, finally came back and just like you suspected, they had found traces of chloroform in your system. That and your team of lawyers combined were more than enough to get rid of any kind of accusations against you, so at least you had that.

On the other hand, the fear, the guilt, the sadness were still there inside of you, even if you felt way too numb to reach it.

You wondered if Spencer would have a scientific explanation for that.

Your mother had insisted you would never step a foot into your apartment again, she was already looking for a new apartment for you, one with multiple security systems and until that happened she had told you you would be staying at her house.

The damn thing was way too big anyway and you and Mina had grown up there so you figured it would serve as some sort of shelter.

If it even existed for you.

“Here you go sweetheart,” your mother pushed the tea cup towards you, “Drink it, it’ll make you feel better.”

“I’m fine.”

Kenzie heaved a sigh, “It’s okay if you’re not,” she said, “No one expects you to, anyone would be traumatized.”

“The real estate agent already sent me three apartments,” your mother said, “Huge windows, you love a bright apartment.”

“Mom,” Mina said silently and she heaved a sigh.

“It could help her distract herself,” her head shot up, “Y/N, you should go on a vacation! Somewhere far away from here.”

“Somewhere peaceful could be nice?” Kenzie added, “I think that’s a good idea.”

You and Mina exchanged glances.

“I heard Fiji is lovely this time of the year,” your mother said and you let out a breath.

“Mom, two people died because of me,” you croaked out, “I’m not going to Fiji for vacation.”

“Honey, you could use some peace,” she held your chin carefully and lifted it so that she could look at you better, “You look so…”

“I look like how I feel,” you said and turned your head when the doorbell rang, making Mina sit up straighter.

“Who’s that?” she asked when the maid walked in.

“Spencer Reid?”

“What?” you and Kenzie asked at the same time, your heartbeat getting faster and Mina jumped on her feet but you stopped her, shaking your head.

“It’s okay,” you sniffled, nodding to yourself, “It’s….it’s fine. There’s no point in dragging it out.”

“Dragging what out?” Mina asked you but you walked out of the living room and reached the front door, trying to ignore the warmth filling your system as soon as your eyes caught the sight of him. You stepped out of the house and he pulled you into a tight hug, burying his nose into your hair and inhaling deeply as if it helped him calm down while you just stood there, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay.

You had to do it. No matter how much it hurt you, no matter how much you didn’t want to.

No matter how badly it would rip your heart out.

“You okay?” he asked you, his fingers pushing your hair behind your ear, “I tried your apartment but I figured…”

“Yeah, I’m not going back there,” you shrugged your shoulders, “I’ll move out, it’s fine.”

“Do you want to stay at my place?” he asked quickly and you closed your eyes for a moment, every cell in your body begging you to change your mind.

You couldn’t though. You’d rather die than see him lying in a pool of his blood, all because of you.

“Don’t say that,” you whispered and opened your eyes again, “Please don’t say that.”

He looked almost confused, tilting his head to the side like a puppy before it dawned on him.

“Is this about the file on me?”

You shook your head and he took a deep breath.

“About today?”

“I didn’t send that message,” you said, “To Anthony, I mean. I wouldn’t…. I wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“I know that.”

“And I didn’t kill him. I don’t know if you heard, but the blood tests came back positive for—”

“I never doubted that, not even for one second,” he insisted, “With or without blood test.”

“You might be the only one,” you murmured and he paused for a moment.

“What did JJ say to you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Because we had an argument on the jet on our way back here and whatever she said…”

You shook your head again, trying to smile.

“I get it,” you murmured, “She’s your best friend, she’s protective of you. That’s normal.”

“Yeah but if she thinks that you’re capable of—”

“I want to break up.”

You could swear the words burned your mouth, some invisible hand clutching your heart tighter and tighter as you willed yourself to keep your eyes on the street, because you were sure that every wall you built to keep your emotions under control would crash down the moment you looked at him. Out of the corner of your eye you could see that he froze and he blinked a couple of times, as if he was lost.

“What?” he asked silently and you tried to swallow the lump growing bigger and bigger in your throat.

“Y/N, wait—no,” he said quickly, breathing hard, “Listen, whatever they said to you today during the interrogation, if that’s what this is about—”

“It has nothing to do with that,” you forced yourself to say, crossing your arms and he took a step closer to you.

“Whatever the problem is,” he rasped out, “We can solve it, okay? Don’t do this.”

That was when it dawned on you.

It wasn’t enough to push him away. You had to make sure to burn that bridge so that neither of you could ever find your way back to each other.

“It’s not one of your cases Spencer, you can’t solve this one,” you muttered and finally turned your head to look up at him, your stomach churning at the sight of betrayal on his face.

“I don’t understand.”

“You—it’s—“ you stammered, trying to find the words, “It’s going way too fast, alright? It’s going way too fast and it’s going to fucking crash, and I can’t—“ you cleared your throat when your voice cracked, “I’m not going to crash with this, I can’t.”

Your father had taught you this way too long ago, when you were too young to even question it.

Stab the prey, twist the knife, pull it back and watch them bleed.

Stab the prey.

“I mean come on Spencer, we’re not in love or anything,” you shrugged your shoulders, “Should be easy enough.”

He stared at you for a couple of seconds, his mouth slightly agape and his brows furrowed, shock written all over his face.

“We’re not in love?” he repeated, “You…you don’t love me?”

Twist the knife.

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

His eyes searched your face, as if looking for any kind of clue that could tell him you were lying, or that it was a trick but for once, it was in vain.

You’d had spent years learning how to control your emotions and your expression when it came to heartbreak.

Pull it back.

“It’s not my fault if you’re in love,” you said, each word making you hate yourself more and more, “I can’t be held responsible for that.”

Stabbing yourself would’ve been less painful, you were sure of that but you knew you had to keep going. One last step, one last sentence and you would be done.

Watch them bleed.

“I never told you to love me.”

Then, silence.

You had to give it to him though, it took him faster than it would’ve taken you to pull yourself together if you were the one on the receiving end of this. He blinked back the tears, clenched his jaw and in a second, his gaze turned cold, exactly like yours.

“Yeah,” he said slowly, nodding, “You didn’t.”

But you had forgotten one small detail. 

Spencer knew how to withdraw that knife and stab back.

You cleared your throat and turned around to get inside the house but before you could step in, you heard his voice.

“I was wrong.”

You looked over your shoulder, clutching at the straws to keep it together, “I’m sorry?”

“I was wrong,” he stated, his voice was distant and held no trace of its usual warmth, “Before, I mean. In terms of behavior and psychology, you’re exactly your father’s daughter.”

With that, he walked away from the house, and you just stood there for a moment before stepping into the house and closing the door behind you, that comfortable haze of shock slowly withdrawing from your mind like mist. That hand squeezing your heart twisted it in your chest and you tried to breathe, pressing a hand on your chest.

“Sweetheart?” your mother called out as she stepped into the hallway, then slowly approached you, “You okay?”

It was impossible to stop the tears rushing to your eyes now and a gasp escaped from your lips as you shook your head.

“Mom,” you whimpered, “Please, my—my heart hurts...”

She rushed to you and shushed you gently, pulling you into a tight hug and caressing your hair as you slipped to the ground and you buried your face to her shoulder.

Then the sobs came.

Chapter 18

[gotnofucks]

Going Against Nature

Pairing: dark!alpha!Steve x reader, dark!alpha!Bucky x reader

Summary: Steve and Bucky would change the laws of nature if that’s what would take to make you theirs. 

or

Steve and Bucky don’t like it when you smell like Peter Parker.

Words: 4.9k

Warnings: NON-CON, breeding kink, smut, FORCED BONDING, poor Peter, language, violence, 18+ ONLY

A/N: Peter is an adult!!

MASTERLIST

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You knew something was off the moment you entered your house. Energy crackled in air as you moved in, the smell in the air absolutely Alpha, and that made no sense since you were a beta. Three different alpha scents overlapped each other, but you recognized only Peter’s, your best friend’s. You crossed the hall to your living room, your dagger in your hand. Peter’s scent was emanating such fear as you had never sensed before, and you would kill anyone who harmed a hair on his head.

You turned the last corner and entered the living room, stopping short in your tracks at the sight that met your eyes. You rushed forward, the dagger falling from your hand as you knelt in front of Peter, bloodied and tied to a chair in the center of the room.

“Peter! Oh my god, what happened Peter?” You asked, your hands cupping his puffed face. His eyes were swollen shut, a groan escaping his lips when your cold hands met his feverish skin.

“Y/n…” It seemed as if it took all his energy to whisper your name and you heart broke seeing your best friend this way.

“Hey hey, calm down. I’m here, I am gonna let you out of these ropes. Pete! Keep your eyes open!” You patted his cheek, making his eyes flutter. It took him a moment to focus on your worried face but when his eyes locked on yours, anguish and panic filled them.

“Y/n, no! Go away, run. They are here. GO!” Peter shouted, struggling in the ropes as if he just wanted to push you away from here.

“Peter, what are you talking about. Lemme cut these ropes.” You turned back to get your dagger but found it missing. Your brow furrowed, you remembered dropping it when you rushed to Peter.

“Run” Peter croaked and you looked at him over your shoulder, your body stiffening as what Peter had said finally clicked.

They are here

Whoever had hurt him was still in your house. Two alphas. You could smell their scent, somewhat familiar but you couldn’t remember exactly whom. As a Beta you didn’t pay much attention to alphas, other than those closest to you. But these must be two very strong alphas to have hurt Peter, an enhanced avenger.

You stood up cautiously, eyes scanning every part of the room. You weren’t an avenger but a trained analyst and could hold your own. Blood stained your furniture, the TV console disturbed and the small knickknacks you decorated your house with strewn about. Clear signs of struggle. You took in the two glasses sitting on your table, the dirt staining your otherwise clean rug and the disturbed cushions on the couch.  Whoever they were, they made themselves home. And they hurt Peter.

“I know you are here, come out. You know I am unarmed, so there really is no reason to hide.” You called out loud, your voice strong despite the heaviness in your heart. Anyone who could do that to Peter would very easily take you down. You crept back towards Peter, eyes still taking every inch of your house even as your hand touched his cheek. Peter whimpered, in pain or concern you didn’t know.

“Hold on for me Pete, I’m gonna get us out of here. No one’s gonna hurt you on my watch.” You told him, not even sure if he was following what you said.

When no one emerged for a couple of minutes, you wondered if it will be safe running to your kitchen to get another weapon, or the gun that you hid in your bedroom. You didn’t have time to think over why anyone would harm Peter in your house of all places. When you worked with Shield and the avengers, shit happened for no reason at all. You took a risk and turned your back to the door, kneeling before Peter again. You tested the ropes with your hands and huffed when you found them tight.

“Hey Pete, can’t you hear me? I’m here with you, all right? You just hold on for me sweetie.” Your voice cracked just a little over the pathetic whimper that escaped Peter’s mouth. You were just a little older to him, and you knew no one who would harm such a sweetheart as him. Your hand pushed his hair away from his forehead, soft over the cuts that littered his body.

“You may wanna stop touching him now, cupcake.” A voice behind you called suddenly and you whipped around, stance wide and protective in front of Peter. Before you could even say anything, your eyes widened in shock.

“Sargent Barnes?” You sputtered, absolutely not expecting him to be here. But then you sniffed the air, and his scent filled your lungs, and you finally realized why it was familiar. You worked in the same tower as him, sometimes directly with him. And if he was here, then the other scent must belong to –

“Hello Y/n, how are you?” Captain America asked, appearing from behind Bucky.

“I – what? You both?” You brain had short circuited. You thought they would be the people you would report this to, not the ones responsible for it.

“Sorry for the mess, cupcake. But Spidey-boy here gave us a good fight.” Bucky remarked, his head cocked to the side.

Anger and fear rose like bile in your chest, your face heating with emotion.

“You hurt him! Why?”

Steve ambled towards you and you shifted, your body angling in a way to hide Peter from their sight. He stopped in his tracks, brows raising and eyes narrowing.

“Don’t come near him, let us leave.” You hoped your voice was commanding but seeing Steve fold his arms across his chest in annoyance your confidence crumbled.

“No need to get so defensive cupcake. The kid’s been asking for it for ages.” Bucky scoffed, still standing between you and the exit.

“He – he is a kid. The nicest goddamn person I know. Why would you hurt him?” You questioned, your guard on. Any small sign of movement and you were ready to fight.

“Why?” Steve gave a humorless laugh. “Because he’s been stinking you up with his scent. We can’t go a day without you smelling like him, his scent clinging all over you.”

Your jaw almost dropped to the ground. What the fuck? “Excuse me?”

“Sweetie, you can’t go smelling like another alpha. We don’t like it, and we thought we needed to have a talk with the kid about it. Man to man, you know. But unfortunately, he didn’t agree with our thoughts. Poor boy thought he’d be able to fight us for your honor”

Steve’s word hit your heart like a dagger, and you stumbled back closer to Peter. You didn’t know what the fuck was happening, but it didn’t seem to be faring well for you. Steve and Bucky seemed to have lost their fucking minds, and you needed to escape. Go someone far, maybe find Tony Stark and let him know that his teammates beat up his protégé.

“I don’t understand,” You fretted.

“I’ll explain if you move away from the boy and come here. We won’t hurt you, you gotta believe me cupcake.” Bucky promised coming forward and held out his hand for you.

You shook your head and your hands found Peter who was almost unconscious with blood loss now. Steve growled when your hands stayed on Peter’s shoulders and Bucky tensed.

“The kid is suffering sweetie. You don’t want him to die, do you? Come here, and we’ll treat him. Get those cuts bandaged and some pain killers in his body. Sounds good?” Steve asked.

You looked at Peter and squeezed his shoulder. He groaned and your heart gave away. You nodded to Steve, and Bucky came forward again, his hand held out. You took it slowly and Bucky drew you closer to himself, taking you away from Peter. Your eyes followed Steve who was across the room now with a medical bag in hand, antiseptic wipes and butterfly strips spread before him.

“Please don’t hurt him, he’s my best friend.” You said softly and Bucky’s hand wrapped around your waist. You stiffened as he moved in your space and sniffed at your neck.

“We won’t hurt him anymore cupcake,” Bucky assured you. “But we gotta get his smell off you. The longer it stays on you, the more I wanna kill him.”

You peered into Bucky’s face, acutely aware of Steve tending to Peter’s wounds from the corner of your eyes.

“What’s happening here? I don’t understand why you’re doing whatever you’re doing. You’re supposed to be the good guys” You said and heard Steve chuckling.

“We are the good guys, but we get mad when teenage guys who can’t even grow a beard start touching what doesn’t belong to them. He put his hands on you, on what’s ours. We couldn’t let that go, not when he refused to stop seeing you.”

Your nose scrunched in confusion and fear. You were not stupid enough to try and fight them. You were an analyst because you could judge a situation and how dangerous it is. Right now, your odds of getting away with Peter were next to none, especially with him in such a delicate condition. However, you still didn’t understand what they meant.

“I don’t belong to you. You can’t claim me” You countered; your eyes now trained on Peter who flinched with every swipe of medicine.

“Can’t we?” Bucky whispered right in your ears making you shiver at the close proximity. You placed a hand on his chest and pushed, but he barely even moved.

“Of course, you can’t. I am not an omega. You…you both are alphas. You can’t claim a beta.”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other knowingly and shared a small, secret laugh. Bucky had maneuvered himself behind you now, both arms holding yours and securing them in front of you. His chin rested on your head, the slight stubble grazing your neck.

“You’re not an omega yet.” Bucky told you and hugged you to himself and your breath sharpened.  

Steve finished patching Peter up and you were thankful he had been honest and gentle. He offered him some water from a glass and Peter gulped it greedily, also swallowing the pills Steve offered. His eyes were now open, and he looked at you across the room in Bucky’s arms with sadness in his eyes.

“I am so sorry Y/n, I should have done better to protect you.” He apologized and your eyes filled with tears. You wanted to run across in his arms, sooth his fears like you’d done so many times before.

“She’s not yours to protect kid, I thought we made it clear.” Steve grunted in displeasure and Peter scowled at him. Even tied up and at their mercy with wounds still dripping slowly, he managed to convey anger and hatred in his glance. Not an ounce of fear in his eyes and you knew if he were free, he’d be standing before you, being your shield.

“Mr. Stark was right when he said you are dangerous. When you believe something is right you never consider the consequences or the lives you’ll harm. You are no hero Captain, and I am sorry I ever considered you one.” Peter spat and you almost smiled.

Steve looked at Peter with a smirk on his face and then walked towards you and Bucky. He stopped right in front of you, looking Peter dead in his eyes before dipping down and capturing your lips in a searing kiss. You struggled in Bucky’s arm, whining under Steve’s lips that didn’t let up until you were almost out of oxygen. He pulled back and you gasped, eyes stinging due to his assault.

“Doesn’t matter what you feel kid, ‘cause we got our girl in our arms while you’re tied up helpless.” Steve taunted.

“Please, I don’t know what you want. You can’t have me. I am a beta.” You sobbed.

Steve cupped your face and rubbed his nose to yours, cooing at you. Bucky was still holding you to himself and you could feel his hardness against your back.

“Baby, we know you are not an omega. At least not yet. But you are ours, and we have a solution. Don’t we Buck?” Steve said and you felt Bucky nod. Your eyes desperately locked on Peter’s, both of you feeling helpless.

Bucky handed you into Steve’s embrace and pulled out of his pocket a small metal case. Flipping it open he drew out a syringe filled to brim with some blue drug. Your gut clenched in fear as you looked at it, already knowing you didn’t’ want this thing anywhere near you.

“Don’t look so scared cupcake, it’s very safe. Hydra used to use it all the time, but we still had Bruce check this out and he says its safe.” Bucky said to you and you shifted in Steve’s arms.

“Dr Banner is involved with you?” You choked out. You always liked him, and this betrayal of trust cut even deeper.

“Oh, he doesn’t know this is for you. He’s a mad scientist who would research anything in the name of science. Don’t really care much about the consequences, do they?” Bucky mused. “You don’t need to worry much; it won’t hurt for long. One dose and your dynamic will start shifting. You’ll be an omega soon enough.”

Both Peter and you started at the news and your struggles renewed.

“Please don’t do this to me. Why are you doing this? You could have literally any omega out there who will be proud to have you as her alphas.” You cried and Steve shushed you like a mother does to her baby, his hand caressing your head gently.

“We don’t want them, we want you. You are strong and beautiful and a perfect fit for us. You’ll be a great mate and mother to our pups.” Steve said.

Your eyes blurred with tears, body feeling exhausted from your useless struggles. Peter was shuffling around in the chair to no avail. You felt corner and trapped, and you felt useless as an analyst. No part of your training could prepare you for a forced transformation at the hands of the strongest alphas on the planet who wanted to mate you.

“You don’t have to do this. There is a reason nature made me a beta. You can’t do this to me.” You sobbed in Steve’s chest and your tears seeped into his shirt.

“Cupcake, nature makes mistakes. Steve and I were supposed to die seventy years ago, yet look at us now, still alive. You are meant to be ours, our girl, our mate. And we’ll correct nature’s mistakes.”

You shouted as Bucky injected the syringe into your squirming body without warning, your screams of pain mixing with Peter’s protests. Liquid fire raced through your veins and you writhed, losing all control and senses. All you felt was heat and pain, starting from your toes to your head. You could hear your heart threatening to burst out of your chest, your throat raw from your screams. It was never ending, the inferno that was running across your body, changing your biology in its wake. Your every cell seemed to light up and turn itself inside out, your skin crawling. You scratched at yourself and your hands were held down along with your legs, eyes wide open and yet not seeing anything.

You didn’t know if it lasted minutes or days, the pain setting in your bones. Your surrounding was the same and yet the world had changed. You were shivering uncontrollably, sobbing incessantly, and crying out gibberish. Your eyes slowly focused as pain started dissipating bit by bit, your heart thumping irregularly and fast. You were on the floor of your living room, body held immobile with someone’s weight. You whined and they stirred, getting off you and suddenly you were sitting, a glass of water thrust in your face. You gulped it down, the cool liquid doing little to sooth the burn that still simmered deep inside you.

As you breathed, you suddenly gagged and heard someone moving around you. You were choking on air, the scents in the room smothering you. Your new formed omega senses picked up the spicy tangs of alphas and it made you dizzy. Someone was calling your name, yet it was all you could do to keep breathing and not faint again.

“Open the goddamn windows! She’s overwhelmed!” Someone shouted and soon fresh air breezed inside, easing your discomfort a bit. You held your chest, curling in on yourself and breathed deeply.

“Use your mouth to breath sweetie”

You did as commanded and eventually your breathing got easier. You sat with your head between your folded knees for a long time, trying to remember what happened. After what felt like forever, you gazed up and around you, coming face to face with three worried alphas.

“Y/n?” The young alpha tied to the chair called. You looked at him. You knew him, and the others too. Steadily your memories came back, and your eyes filled with tears, and you form shook as heart wrenching sobs wracked your body. Bucky crawled to you and very slowly reached out, his arm curling around your shoulder. You wanted to push him off, curse him away but your body instinctively leaned into him, seeking his warmth and protection.

“Shh cupcake, I got you. I got you baby” He whispered and kissed your hair.

Another pair of arms wrapped around you; a head tucked into your neck. Steve rubbed soothing circled in your sides, his breath washing over you. You were cocooned in their warmth and drenched in their scent, the nature of your biology bending to their wills and calming your racing heart. Soon enough your sobs turn to little sniffles and Bucky wiped your nose with the hem of his t-shirt.

“That’s it, omega, you’re doing so good. Just breath. We’re right here.” Steve said in your ear and you quivered at the timber of his voice.

You gradually raised your head up and the two alphas shifted a little to allow you space. Your eyes darted around your house as if seeing it for the first time, unintentionally falling on things you would need for your nest. Most of all, your eyes set on Peter who looked at you in both pain and wonder.

“Pete?” Your voice was broken, and you saw his eyes close, two streams of tear travelling down his face.

“I am so sorry” He said, helpless and feeling like a failure. He had failed his best friend, the one person who loved him unconditionally.

You heard two growls and two sets of arms on you. Bucky and Steve were baring their teeth at Peter, their bodies ready to attack. You made a pleading noise in your throat and they both looked at you, softening.

“Don’t hurt him” You begged.

Steve pulled you closer and buried his head in your neck, scenting you. His chest rumbled beneath your hand and he purred at your scent filled his lungs.

“Oh god, her scent Buck.” He mumbled, his nose tracing your jugular and Bucky joined in. They took their time with it, rubbing their cheek and neck all over you.

You were feeling overwhelmed, your omega body not used to the sudden flood of emotions and smell. Every nerve ending in your body was taut with tension and your every sense was enhanced by ten times. Their purrs washed over you, and the vibration of their body sent bolts across your spine that settled between your legs. You squeezed your thighs as you felt wetness coat your pussy, your temperature rising. Your body flushed, your scent getting heavier while you started panting. You didn’t need to be an omega to know what was happening, you’d seen it happen to plenty omegas before. You were like a young omega who had just presented and was undergoing her first heat.

Your scent wafted across the room and all the way through the house and you clenched your fist tight, nails digging into your palms. Pain such as you had never know bloomed in your abdomen, cramping your muscles and making you cry out.

“Y/n, what’s happening to her?” Peter shouted and you reached out a hand to him, body too exhausted and dazed to move much. Steve glowered and took your hand in his, the heat in your body burning his like a furnace.

“She’s in heat” Bucky rasped, his voice husky with arousal. Your heat was so powerful that it was sending them into an early rut. He moaned when his tongue swiped across your scent glands, tasting you. “Our omega”

“Ours for taking, ours for filling. You’ll take our mark and our pups” Steve vowed and you cried out when you felt both their hands roaming your body. You wanted to move away, tell them no but your body was at odds with your mind. You were vulnerable under their hands, your presentation craving their touch even as your mind told you to run. You convulsed under the feeling of their hands over your clothed breast and ass, moaning loud into the air. You had no control over your actions, and you let them paw at you unwillingly.

“Don’t touch her! Leave her alone!” Peter shouted and the three of you came out of your trances, having completely forgotten that he was here. You stared into his eyes, and he saw in them what you really felt. Your scent surrounded him and with your gaze locked on him, he squirmed.

“Look at that Steve, the kid wants our omega. You see cupcake, your best friend is getting hard seeing you being handled by us” Bucky almost sang, his hands tweaking your nipples through your shirt and you wheezed out a moan.

“See and learn kid, how to take your woman. And when you do that, know this is the only time you’ll see her this way. She’s ours and by the time this night is over, she’ll be proudly wearing our mark.” Steve said, deftly unbuttoning your shirt.

Peter and you kept looking at each other, Steve and Bucky stripping you down bare. You were too far gone to feel embarrassed at being naked in the plain view of three men. Bucky touched your tummy, rubbing his hands over your skin that made you close your eyes in pleasure. Steve’s mouth found your nipples, licking and sucking with vengeance while Bucky kissed you. You never stood a chance against them, your body dictating your every move. You kissed back and bucked against their bodies, sweat collecting where your bodies touched. Your voice rose an octave higher when Bucky’s metal hand reached between your thighs, his cold fingers collecting your slick and spreading it around you.

“Oh cupcake, look how wet you are. Look how pretty you are all spread out for us.” He groaned in your mouth.

Steve who was just done sucking a hickey below your collarbone shimmied down your body, nestling himself between your thighs. His lust blown eyes met yours and the intensity in them made your walls flutter. Maintaining the eye contact, he licked a broad strip with the flat of his tongue and you jerked under him, back arching with sensations going around your body like fireworks.

Bucky took of your hand and wrapped it around his cock, showing you how to pump it. You never noticed him getting naked, nor did you care. Steve was ruining your cunt with his talented tongue, swirling it in circles around your clit while two of his fingers delved in your heat. The coil in you stretched to breaking point, finally snapping when Bucky bit down on your nipple causing you to howl your release in the air. Steve rubbed you gently, bringing you down from your high, his face covered in your juices and you clenched hard.

To your surprise Steve leaned over you and pulled Bucky into a dirty French kiss, sharing your taste with him. Bucky fisted his hair, his tongue moving in and out of Steve’s mouth and the sight only made you hotter.

“So, this is what heaven tastes like” he muttered, and you whimpered. Steve was taking off his shirt and Bucky took his time pumping his fingers into you, stretching you open. “Gotta loosen you up for both of us cupcake. You need to be nice and stretchy to take out knot.”

You never realized you were fondling your own breasts, trying to find relief from the heat that was centered in your core. You needed them to fill you, stuff you until you couldn’t take it anymore. You saw Bucky look at his arousal coated hands that glistened.

“Steve, we have been so cruel. Look at the poor kid” He said, and you and Steve looked at Peter who was in agony. His eyes were large and locked on you, both sorry and aroused.

“Give him a taste Buck, because he will never get the chance again.” Steve said, now naked and stroking his large cock. Bucky got on his knees and moved closer to Peter, his wet fingers right before Peter’s lips. Your mouth was parted in surprise, a strangled sound escaping you as Peter leaned down to pull Bucky’s fingers in his mouth and sucked. His eyes closed at your taste and you found yourself burning more than ever.

“Please” you begged, to all of them.

“She liked it Steve, look at our girl. You like him getting a taste of you? That make you hot, cupcake?” Bucky teased you and you nodded.

“She needs our knot Bucky; she looks like she’ll combust. You want us sweetie? Tell me how much you want us” Steve ordered, straddling your lower half, his hard cock right over your entrance. He brushed it over your swollen clit, collecting your juices and covering himself in them.

“Need your cock alphas. I need you inside me. Please” You had no dignity left and you were crying as you begged. Steve aligned himself and pushed inside slowly, your body welcoming him.

“Oh god, look at you sweetie, so perfect for me. Look how you suck me inside your cunt and clench hard like you don’t want me to leave.”

He began thrusting, his cock hitting you in that special spot that made your breath hitch and eyes roll. You clawed at the rug, your nails digging inside as you gave moan after moan.

“Open up cupcake” Bucky ordered, his cock slapping your cheek. You opened up and he went straight in, sitting still for a moment to let you adjust. They thrusted in you in a rhythm, pushing and pulling in perfect sync. Steve played with your bud and your whines vibrated up Bucky’s cock so that he fucked your face harder.

“Just like that honey, just like that. Mine. Ours”

Your second orgasm came suddenly and took your breath, and your walls clamped so hard on Steve that he cursed loudly before absolutely letting go and thrusting like a demon in you.

“Gonna give you my knot, gonna make you round with my pups. God you feel so good baby”

He jerked inside you, his knot swelling at the base and stretching you until you felt it would tear you apart. Heat bloomed in your womb, and Steve’s release coated your walls as the same time that Bucky came down your throat.

“Oh cupcake, you are so so good.” Bucky said, his hand caressing your hair. He held you body in his arms, tangling his legs with Steve and yours. You were still locked together with Steve, his knot holding his cum inside. “Gonna fill you up with my seed after Stevie is done. Gonna knot you my little omega.”

 +++++

The night was long and strenuous, your body bent into shapes you didn’t know it could take. Bucky and Steve knotted you multiple times and your addled mind welcome them each time. Peter looked at your union with them in desolation, sitting in his ruined pants. He had come in his pants, not being able to help himself. He wouldn’t meet your eyes but when Bucky let him taste you again, he opened his mouth like an obedient pet.

You were sleeping soundly before the couch, a temporary nest of blankets and your alphas’ clothes around you. Two fresh marks decorated your neck, sealing your fate with Steve and Bucky. They knew the true battle would begin once you came out of your heat stupor, but they can handle you together. You belonged to them. They had claimed you against what nature said. You were theirs.

“That’s how you take a girl kid.” Bucky said as he cut Peter free finally. The poor boy was both mentally and physically exhausted and Steve had to steady him lest he fall.

“You won’t look at her again will you?” Steve asked and Peter shook his head in dejection. He had failed you and your friendship. He was to be blamed. As if Steve read his mind, he patted his back gently. “It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. She was meant to be ours regardless of everything that happened. I am sorry about how the evening went, but if it were your mate you would understand.”

Peter’s shoulders slumped and he had no more tears to lose. He looked pleadingly at them.

“Don’t hurt her, please. She doesn’t deserve that.” He said.

Bucky smiled at Peter is assurance.

“We look after our own, kid. She’ll be fine”

 +++++

TAGLIST IS OPEN FOR ALL CHARACTERS

[kissmyhandcallmedarling]

on the far side of the moon.

notes:

mmkay, ik theres literally only like three people on tumblr who have seen set the thames on fire, but i really wanted to write this fic, so i did it anyway, even if no one sees it

loosely based on the dickie/vince theory by @towan-white (you should definitely go check it out if you haven't - gut-wrenching!)

anyhow, i may make this a short (angsty) series, so strap yourselves in (if you want)

tw: drug use, prostitution, mentions of suicide

i also embedded the soundtrack from sttof, for added ambiance

"but what does it matter if the whole world sinks if you've lost your friend."

“Welcome to your London,”

Insanity was a social construct. 

“Through hell and high water, working together for a happier city.”

Segregation. 

Insanity was a safety net for the ordinary. Reassure themselves that they were the superiors, by declaring that a madman, one whom allowed his mind to dwindle away, was inferior; in need of repair. Broken. But really it was there to make them feel better about their lack of individualism. For the correlation between insanity and creativity is no coincidence.

“A calm citizen, is a happy London.”

But what happens, when there is nothing left but insanity? Nothing to balance the ship. Nothing to secure the loose canons in place. Nothing to herd the crew onto the deck. No bilge pump, nor buckets to remove water. 

What happens then? 

The ship sinks. 

“Because happiness, is going down with the ship.”

***

The amphetamines burned his nostrils. He coughed harshly, fingers gripping the floor as he regained stability. Not yet satisfied, the man got to his feet, and scrounged through a bowl of brightly coloured pills, knocking a few back with a swig of cognac. He could feel the drugs making their way through his bloodstream. He could see it before his very eyes. He watched as his body contorted, allowing the sensation to pique every crevice. 

Dickie took a deep breath. He steadied himself, and stood up, making his way over to the mirror. The glass was covered in a thin layer of grime, splatters of fresh bodily fluids dripped from its surface. He was yet to clean up from his most recent client - it was well worth the effort, for the pretty penny he had gained. But there was no time to dwell on his prospects, for his master expected to be escorted to that fucking cocktail party within the next half hour, and so he resumed getting ready. Dickie touched up his makeup, drawing on his uneven cupid’s bow with a crappy lipstick. He combed through the grease that coagulated on his scalp, pulling his hair into two small bunches. He adjusted the garters which strained against his muscular quadriceps, suspending his stockings. He had footballer’s legs; athletically thin, yet stocky toward the thigh. Lastly, Dickie tightened his corset. He tugged the strings taught, until his waist synched and his chest impelled upward, giving him the illusion of visible cleavage. DIY tits were his favourite party trick. With a final scan of his appearance, Dickie peeled his gaze from his reflection and proceeded to leave his den. 

The air was dank, and wet. Thick with pain, as though the tears cried by the drowned had condensed into the very air particles breathed by those lucky enough to still be breathing. Pink neon lights flickered in tune with a poor soul, hyperventilating in a heap on the group. A curdling scream echoed through the underground, the pitch scattered and unnatural. But none of it phased Dickie. It had been like that ever since the river rose. 

How long had it been? 

He failed to recall.

Time seemed to collapse on itself. Hours sped past like mere moments, yet a night alone passed in a manner of years. So much so that soon Dickie found himself on the arm of the Impresario, the most powerful man in all of London. His wealth was inherited, and somehow, the rising of the river allowed said man to rise in power, and social rank. 

They say he’s got more money than God.

“Dickie, dear?” The man crooned. “Why do you make me attend these parties? You know I hate these fucking people.”

Dickie gripped his masters arm, ushering him through the grand revolving door. Water seeped in through the gaps as always. They entered the party - an orchestral waltz variation played over the grammar phones, while women dressed in slutty leather bodysuits danced sensually throughout the room. Guests mingled in small clusters, alcohol in hand, making rowdy fools of themselves. It was only ten past nine, and yet a good majority of the room was already pissed. 

“Well, I thought, Impresario, that socialising may very well be good for you. Cheer you up maybe.”

“Cheer me up my arse!” He spat. “Last time you brought me to one of these functions - it was that pink-haired whore, Pop Pop or whatever she calls herself’s afterparty - I was almost assassinated! Bah!”

Dickie suppressed a gulp. “There’ll be little girls here. New, pretty girls for you to take home and look after. Perhaps you can strike up a deal with them, get them to work for you?”

The Impresario grumbled a reply, agreeing in annoyance. 

“See? There’s always something to look forward to. I told-“

“Fuck off and fetch me a drink, Dickie.”

“Of course, Impresario.”

Oh yes. 

Happiness had indeed gone down with the ship. For all.

Some were just better at hiding it. Some were so consumed by memories of the past, a past that they would never regain, that they sacrificed their souls to the river. Dug themselves a watery grave. 

For no one truly adapted to the change, no matter how much they told themselves otherwise. Dickie knew he hadn’t. He knew full-well his life had been thrown off course when first flood struck London. But he was already fucked, for his life was a shambles before the banks of the Thames flooded. The water was just an excuse. Drugs and addiction had overridden his soul long before the river overran the streets. He’d forgotten everything. 

They called him insane. But really, he’d never felt shallower. 

For the brink of insanity resided somewhere deep within him: fractured images of a life he couldn’t quite remember. He just couldn’t locate it.

“Dickie, you bloody bastard, where is my drink?!” 

“Coming, Impresario. You need not stress!” Dickie hastily knocked back a shot of spirits unknown to him, and poured a goblet of wine for his master. 

This was all he knew. Dickie had two purposes; prostitution, and waiting on his master. He knew he had been someone else once, but dwelling on what what was or what could have been did no good. Right now, in this universe, he was Dickie and these were his purposes. 

For the past is another land.

***

The Impresario had insisted on walking himself home that evening, so Dickie was free to scrounge about the party in hopes of landing his clutch on a nice, pretty rich one. After all the time he’d spent in the “business”, he’d built up a bit of a name and reputation for himself. Sure, there were the other supreme whores about London’s underworld; Little Cassie, The Triangle Man to name a few. Oh, and one could not go without mentioning the Ripper. Named after the unidentified killer who stalked London’s streets during the 19th century, the Ripper was the most notorious among them, with many clients reportedly emerging in the most ghastly of physical states. The Ripper was also a fine choice for those wishing to end their life with a combination of pleasure and pain; in simpler terms, to be fucked to death. 

But when it came to creativity, Dickie was certainly up there with the best. He’d certainly rank within the uppermost echelon of prozzies in new London. The work wasn’t all that bad either; he got to dress up hyper-feminine, and confuse the tits off people with his androgyny. And he’d just spotted his next victim.

“Hey there, sweet cheeks!” Dickie pranced to a dark corner of the room where he spied a tall gentleman. He hitched his skirt up a little higher, so to entrap his prey. He chewed his gum playfully, and attempted to heighten the pitch of his voice. “You look lonely, over here, all by your… lonesome…” Dickie remained in the shadows, but moved closer to the man, leaning forward slightly, to display his “assets”. “I can fix that, you know. Come back with me to my den, and I’ll teach you a thing or two.”

The man remained silent; distant, disconnected. Perhaps what he needed, was a little bit of confusing. 

“They call me Dickie,” he lowered his voice to its natural pitch, twirling a pigtail of hair around his finger. “I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself.” He trailed a wayward hand down to his lower region. “Allow my appearance fool you all you like, darling. I fool them all. ‘Is it a man, is it a woman, oh I’m not sure if I mind?’”

Bingo. The gentleman’s eyes flickered to meet Dickie’s. He had him hooked. Now all he needed to do was reel him in. But the unnamed man spoke before Dickie could let another flirtatious innuendo slip from his pouty lips. 

“Have we met before?”

What? Of course not! Dickie had never seen this man in his life. But he decided he was more likely to prosper if he played along. “I dunno, hot stuff. Have we met before?”

“It’s just… you remind me so much of someone. Someone I used to know. Someone whom I abandoned. I never had the chance to apologise, before…”

Oh christ. He was the philosophical type. Probably the type to burst into tears amid jerking off. But Dickie was in too deep to pull out now. Besides, it looked as though this man had money, judging by his appearance, so he kept his eyes on the prize.  

“Was this person a woman? A man?”

“Bit of a confuser, kinda like you actually.”

“Then let me tantalise you. Live out your greatest fantasies. I can be anyone you want me to be. I can be that person, if you like. All you have to do, is say yes.” Dickie held eye contact with the gentleman and bit his lip, doing all in his power to seduce this mere simpleton. 

“I’ve never cared much for prostitutes. Let alone the outlandish, futuristic types. Feels wrong anyway. To betray him like that.”

“Ah ha! So it is a he! No matter, sir. I can rid the dress as quickly as I can don it! Tell me, what was this gieser like in bed? Submissive? Dominant?”

“I dunno.” 

“Pardon?”

“Never slept with him. Had too much respect for him.”

“Did you love him?”

“…yeah. He loved me too… He needed me. And I left him.” 

Dickie rolled his eyes. What a fucking simp. This was going nowhere and there were only so many hours in the night. He turned his back and began to walk away, but the man lunged forward and clutched his wrist. 

“How much for the night?”

Dickie’s face contorted into a sickly-sweet smile. “Call it 70 quid.”

The man retrieved his wallet, handing over the cash. Dickie pocketed the money, slipping it down his front. “Now, that payment’s been made, allow me to assess you. Lift up your shirt. Come on, show me your little belly button.”

“Ah, no, I don’t think so. Not here.”

“Fucking prude. Come on then. I’ll take you back to my den. I haven’t got all day, hurry up!” Dickie grabbed the man by his shoulder, and looped his arm through his, leading the way. 

“Oi, Dickie!” A voice hollered somewhere off from the distance.

“Not now, Donny. I’ve got a client!” 

Soon the pair found themselves in the stinking labyrinth that was the old underground. 

“Just in here, thanks.” Dickie shoved his client into a small room, slamming the door behind him. “What do you think of my den? Fucking fantastic!!”

The man remained silent. 

“Oh, you’re a shy little dove, aren’t you? Tell me, what’s your name?

He didn’t answer.

“Speak! For christ’s sake! Speak you bloody wanker!” 

He mumbled a name, though Dickie could not make it out. He decided on a softer approach this time, taking a deep breath as he altered his persona. “I’m sorry, darling. I didn’t quite catch that,” he cooed. “Could you repeat your name for me please?”

“Howard. Howard Moon.”

And it happened. 

As if those two words together were the final piece of the puzzle, his memory was triggered. As if the words were a lost key to unlock the deepest, most far-away, most forgotten parts of his mind. It was as though he was watching a film in ultra HD, running at a thousand miles an hour. It all returned to him. All those years ago. But out of the flurry of forgotten youth, one name surfaced to the forefront of his memory. 

“Vince.”

“Pardon me, Dickie?”

Dickie met Howard’s gaze, and everything made sense. “Vince.”

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