#and yes the guitar riff is real its not artificially added in

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 23rd July 2018

Welp, nothing happened. Very stale week for the most part.

Top 10

Delightful – the worst single Drake’s released since “Pop Style”, “In My Feelings” featuring uncredited vocals from the City Girls, has gone up three spots from last week’s debut, making it our current chart-topper, surprisingly not replacing Drake himself, but we’ll get to that. At least City Girls, Magnolia Shawty’s family and Lil Wayne are getting money from this being #1 in both the UK and US. God knows they deserve it, well, at least Wayne.

“Shotgun” by George Ezra is somehow still at number-two. This song has a surprising amount of longevity.

Oh, yeah, “Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato has also kept its place at number-three, which is cool.

Now, we have our first debut on the charts, which, similarly to last week, had its first-week charting position at number-four, the controversially-titled “God is a woman” (yes, it’s stylised in sentence case for no reason) by Ariana Grande, the second single from her upcoming album Sweetener.

Oh, yeah, Drake just won’t leave, as “Don’t Matter to Me” with Michael Jackson and Paul Anka is at a standstill at number-five.

“Rise” by Jonas Blue featuring Jack & Jack is up a spot to number-six. Just lovely.

“Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B is also up that single position to number-seven.

“Youngblood” by 5 Seconds of Summer has jumped up three spaces to entering the top 10, at number-eight, and yeah, this definitely deserves it. Good song.

Talking about songs that deserve to finally enter the top 10, “Jackie Chan” by Tiesto and Dzeko featuring Preme and Post Malone has also taken a three-space increase right to number-nine.

Oh, and because of the album hype lessening and dying down, “If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years kind of collapses four spaces to number-ten. It seems to be on its way out, and I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing.

Climbers

There’s not really that many notables this week, but we do have Tyga’s “Taste” featuring Offset entering the top 20 as it moves up eight spaces to #16, “Only You” by Cheat Codes and Little Mix doing the same as it hits #19 after a nine-space increase. “Ring Ring” by Jax Jones featuring Mabel and Rich the Kid also had a lesser increase, only jumping up six spaces to #23.

Fallers

There’s only one fall of note here, but it’s pretty damn interesting how Tom Walker’s “Leave a Light On” just suddenly crashed down 15 spaces to #31... I know adverts only have a short impact on the charts, but I’m surprised by how this was just in free-fall this week, especially since I’ve actually heard it gain some traction on radio... except I checked the statistics and it’s done exactly the opposite. This song massively fell on UK airplay charts, to the point where it’s neck and neck with Meghan freaking Trainor. Yikes.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Guys, we have just witnessed a chart history milestone: Last week’s #1, “Three Lions” by David Baddiel, Frank Skinner and the Lightning Seeds dropped from the top of the charts to #97, which means it experienced the biggest ever dropout from the top 40 (from #1) and the biggest decrease in UK Singles Chart history, having a 96-space fall. That’s kind of impressive in the weirdest way. I suppose we as a country were so crushed by Croatia winning against us that we decided to crush this song’s chances of any longevity, which I’m not necessarily complaining about, honestly.

Other drop outs from the top 40 include “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore, right after it returned for a brief stint at #40 last week, as well as “Moonlight” by XXXTENTACION out from #37. Last week’s incredibly convenient returning entry, “American Idiot” by punk-rockers Green Day is now out from #25, also.

Oh, and “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is back again at #37, just go away, already!

Now for a new feature:

The Ed Sheeran Update

On this show, we often talk about Ed Sheeran and his inexplicable chart success, well, I figured I’d add something to shake up the formula: a short feature where we talk about how Ed Sheeran fared in the top 100. Well, “Shape of You” jumped up 13 spaces to #73 for no reason at all, and “Perfect” is up three spaces to #58.

Oh, yeah, and “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers? Still holding on. In fact, it just returned to #99 this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 – “Ocean” – Martin Garrix and Khalid

So, this song has been bubbling under for a while now, but on a slow week, it actually was able to have a pretty high debut. It’s no surprise to see Khalid on an EDM track, either, as he also sang on “Silence” by Marshmello last year, and has collaborated with Calvin Harris, albeit on a decidedly very non-EDM track. Well, how does this song compare to the countless collaborations Khalid has popped up with in the last few months?

Well, it doesn’t, at all, because, frankly, I don’t think this song even exists. It’s such a non-presence that after I listened to it – four times, may I add – I could barely even remember the hook’s melody. It has an annoying an unnecessary synth sound that goes on throughout the whole thing, but it had a decently complex drum beat, and Khalid’s performance is smooth as always, even when he dips into his falsetto, but damn, that pre-chorus build-up is powerful. Honestly, this drop is so much of a mess that I’m surprised I have no memory of it. There’s some vocal samples all intertwined with a fast-paced orchestral string loop that only plays once throughout the whole drop, even though it could definitely add a lot of “oomph” to the track, then there’s an out-of-place acoustic guitar riff that is again, the only time you notice that instrument at all in this song. I don’t have any real complaints with this song – it’s mixed near-perfectly (even if I’d appreciate more accentuation on the bass), Khalid’s fantastic, and I’m not saying the all-over-the-place drop is bad, necessarily, it’s just kind of... intangible.

When a song is named after a place or an emotion, you’re going to have to feel that translating into the composition, even if it is completely without lyrics. I think that’s why I’m more appreciative of “SAD!” than a lot of people – you can tell that it successfully, even if you hate it – well, especially if you hate it, makes you sad or at least gets you to realise the effort into making it sound sad. “Plastic Beach” by Gorillaz is another good comparison in terms of places, as it is stiff and noisy like plastic but it still has wave sound effects to paint the background, joyous synths and whale-related lyrics (delivered in a rather plastic monotone), that create a beautiful contrast between the plastic and the beach. It feels like an artificial shore... but “Ocean” is only an ocean in name. It’s weaksauce EDM, that doesn’t feel as powerful as an ocean and definitely isn’t upsetting in any way to capture the “blue” colour of a wave. This is why I like CamelPhat so much. “Panic Room” is urgent but still kind of trapped in a confined space, “Cola” is constantly shaking it up, like a can of coke. They are EDM producers who make the titles fit and matter, but “Ocean”... nah, I can’t feel this. Next.

#30 – “Summertime Magic” – Childish Gambino

Donald Glover, also known as Childish Gambino, recently dropped a surprise-release Summer-themed two-track R&B EP called Summer Pack and the first track of two, obviously gained the most traction. Last time I talked about Glover on this show was when “This is America” debuted, and I wasn’t very impressed, but from what I heard, this new EP harkens back to his 2016 album “Awaken, My Love!”, which I loved, so hopefully I’ll dig this.

Well, it’s less disjointed than “This is America” but it’s definitely not as exciting, as it starts with some dreadfully boring steel pans with barely any accompaniment other than the reverb they’re soaked in, then Gambino comes in and starts singing over some admittedly nice synths, before the hook – which, for a lyrical wordsmith, is oddly and infuriatingly repetitive, especially since it’s full of nonsense words – which covers Gambino’s decent voice in just DJ Mustard-like bass and extra percussion, which definitely picks things up a bit, but not enough. It feels like Summer, alright, but it tries its hardest not to, with all the rain effects and the pretty dreary melodies that surround the vocals that could have made a pretty damn good pop song.

#4 – “God is a woman” – Ariana Grande

I know a lot of people are worried about Sweetener, but personally, I’ve liked all the singles released from it prior to this track, which stirred some controversy for its pretty clickbait title. Of course, the song doesn’t even dare to trip into any religious or political territory, no, it’s a sex song. Why is it called “God is a woman”? Well, because, sex with Ariana is apparently so good that the man will believe afterwards that God is a woman, because the sex was heavenly, yeah, you get the gist. It’s pretty obvious that Grande wouldn’t get right-wing nuts complaining, or a debut this high for a single like this, if it wasn’t for the clickbait-level title. Honey, just make a good, safe song and you will have success, it happened with “no tears left to cry” just a few weeks back. It’s a pretty dumb move to resort to tactics like this when Grande’s such a big star with such a loyal fanbase that people will stream this no matter what you call it.

Oh, yeah, and this song? Well I like the vocal melody here, it’s really nice in the hook, especially when Grande starts to sing more seductively over a surprisingly hard-hitting trap beat, with some heavy bass and a blocky, yet pretty slick drum pattern that makes Grande subconsciously start making Lil Pump-like “yuh” ad-libs in between the lines on the pre-chorus. There’s also a choir of a chorus harmonising with multi-tracked Grande voices, which sing pretty beautifully while Grande belts out some ad-libs. This whole song is so tight and constricted yet has a great final release as its climax, so unlike “Ocean”, everything feels worth it by the end.

Conclusion

“God is a woman” by Ariana Grande takes Best of the Week home, obviously, but nothing else here is good or bad, it’s all just kind of a boring middle-ground. See you next week!