#and yes of course I giffed that scene too if I did the last part already this weekend

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 16: Big Brown Eyes

Summary: Things have returned to normal, or at least they seem to have. Nothing can ever go your way, though, can it?

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 7925 words

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, unprotected sex, p in v sex, oral sex, face sitting, grinding, spanking (it's like once and not even on the ass), Kyle is definitely a munch, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, reader is a little shit, angst, PTSD, nightmares, trauma, mommy issues, family issues, language, the author's bias showing just a tad.

A/N: Have you ever cried while writing smut? I have. Had two mental breakdowns during the course of this chapter, the worst of the two during the smut scene. Sobbing while writing the reader getting her back blown out? That's a new one for me. But, I did it. I finished Chapter 16 this week. I'm feeling significantly better than I was, at least physically. Giving it to you a day early because I feel bad about not posting last week. The events of this chapter pick up pretty much where the previous one left off. Timeline wise, this chapter is spread over roughly a week-ish. And special thanks to the battle rattle anon for inspiring part of this chapter 🫶

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(This is my all time favorite gif of him I swear I stare at it way too much)

You’re clawing at the door frame, desperately clinging to the last thing you can hold on to, the last shred of your life as you know it. You fight the hands pulling at your arms, threatening to pull you away from the comfort, the warmth, the safety of your home, of your pack. 

Your mothers grief-stricken sobs reach your ears, her cries of desperation as they rip you from her, your father’s hate filled gaze directed at you over her shoulder as he holds her back. She loves all her children, but you were always her favorite. The bond between you two was always the strongest. 

Now you know why. 

The arms rip you from the doorframe seconds before the door slams closed. It’s like a gavel strike declaring your fate, cutting you off from everything you knew. You’re pulled back from the door, from the house that had become your safe space, from the pack inside. 

They’re not your pack anymore. The thought is like a sharp knife, severing the lifelong bond in your mind. You’re not a part of them anymore. You’re alone in this world, cut off from what you knew, and it’s all your fault. 

If only you could have presented as an alpha, like you were supposed to. 

You’re sobbing, breaths coming in choking gasps. Your chest feels tight, your body tense and aching as you fight against the constricting hold around you. 

“Easy, easy.” A deep voice murmurs in your ear, your senses beginning to return. “Yer alright, kitten.” 

Your breaths continue to come in shaky gasps as you start to recognize your surroundings. You’re in Johnny’s room still. His arms are wrapped tight around you, your own pinned against your chest. You had fallen asleep before you even realized it, exhausted after your night with Johnny. 

“Ye were havin’ a nightmare.” He says, projecting his natural beta scent in an attempt to get you to relax. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, letting the scent start to numb your brain. The tears continue to slide down your cheeks, but slowly your breathing begins to normalize. Johnny begins to loosen his hold around you, not letting you go, but enough that you don’t feel like you’re being constricted anymore. 

“Si gets them too.” Johnny continues, speaking quietly. His breath is warm as it fans your ear, reminding you that you’re awake now, and your nightmare is behind you. “Woken up tae elbows and fists in my face many times.” 

You keep your eyes closed, taking in deep breaths as Johnny lays with you in silence, his fingers gently stroking your arms. You hadn’t meant to fall asleep. You hadn’t meant to have a nightmare. Not in front of them. You knew it would happen eventually, but you had hoped you could avoid it as long as possible. 

You don’t want to reveal your weakness, your pain, your inner struggle to them. They have enough of their own, they don’t need to know how broken you are too. 

You lay there, slowly calming your breaths and the slight tremble in your limbs as you wait for Johnny to begin questioning you. He’ll want to know, he’ll want to hear what it is that’s plaguing your mind. You’ll have to tell him, you’ll have to explain everything and then he’ll want to know more. He’ll want to unearth the brokenness and the pain that you’ve buried so deeply like an archaeologist looking for the secrets of an ancient civilization. 

You don’t want to reveal it, you want to bury it again, lock it back in the recesses of your mind where it can’t hurt you. You want to compress it back down until you feel safe again without the threat of the past hanging over your head. 

Johnny continues to relax his hold around you as you begin to calm down again, the tears finally slowing to a stop. You take deep breaths, trying to match Johnny’s even breathing behind you. You wait for it, the inevitable question, the prodding, the digging. He’ll want answers, he’ll want to know what plagues your mind, how much it’s been happening, why you haven’t said anything. 

You’re not sure how much time passes as you lay there, counting breaths. It’s silent in the room, in the barracks. Even outside it’s quiet, as if the world is holding its breath, waiting patiently for the shoe to drop, for the truth to get revealed. 

You can't wait any longer. The tension is too thick, the thought of waiting for the question to break the silence is too much. You'll rip the bandaid before he can try and force it from you. “I don't-”

“Ye don't have tae tell me.” He cuts you off before you can even start, the words slicing through yours, stopping you from spilling your darkest, innermost thoughts. “We all have them sometimes. No shame in that.” He tightens his grip on you for a moment, pulling you closer against his chest. “Simon doesn't even tell me all of his. Thinks he might scare me off, or somethin'. I'm no’ gonnae force ye to tell me anythin’ if ye don’ want to.” 

You're taken aback by his words. You suppose they all have to be plagued by nightmares of their own, with the kinds of things they have to see when they're in the field. Ghost had told you a bit about the nightmares that haunt him, and that had only been one tragedy, one mission. You suddenly feel silly. The kinds of things you’re afraid of, the nightmares that terrify your mind suddenly seem inconsequential to the things they must dream about at night. 

You wiggle in Johnny’s arms until you’re facing him, his eyes half closed as he stares down at you. You shift forward, pressing your face against his bare chest. His head tucks so his chin rests against the top of your head as he holds you, his breathing slowing just slightly as he drifts back to sleep. You don’t sleep, laying there awake as you listen to the slow, rhythmic beating of Johnny’s heart. 

He’s snoring quietly, breath fanning across your hair as he sleeps peacefully. You let your fingers trail over his skin as you wait for his early alarm that will signal the end of your quiet moments of bliss, snapping you both back into your realities. You trace the scars lining his skin, all of them with their own stories, just like John’s. 

He makes a garbled, snorting noise as your fingers brush over his ribs, his entire body twitching. His hand moves, his fingers wrapping around your wrist. “Tickles.” He murmurs, lifting your arm so it’s draped around his neck. He's asleep almost immediately, as if he hadn't woken at all from your tickling. 

You continue to lay there as he sleeps, your mind drifting between sleep and your racing thoughts until Johnny’s alarm goes off. He groans, reaching across you to turn it off. He lays still, breath still fanning over the top of your head. For a moment you’re worried he’s fallen asleep again, but eventually he moves, rolling on top of you. 

He presses his face against your neck, letting out a quiet groan. He’s heavy, but a solid weight above you. It’s comforting, the weight of him like a blanket keeping you safe. He presses gentle kisses against your neck, his fingers trailing across your shoulder before brushing over your mark. You let out a whine, arching against him. 

“Screamin’ Jesus.” He curses, getting hard against your thigh. 

“Don’t you have to go work out?” You ask as he begins to grind against you. 

“Would rather stay here with you.” He growls against your throat. 

“Won’t you get in trouble?” You gasp, bucking up against him. 

“Worth it.” He grunts, kicking the sheets off the end of the bed. 

“Someone missed the morning workout.” Kyle says as you and Johnny sit down at the table for breakfast. You’re the last ones there, despite Johnny skipping his early morning workout. 

You take your normal spot between Kyle and John, sitting gingerly on the hard bench. There’s still a distinct ache between your thighs from Johnny’s enthusiasm and intense stamina last night and this morning.  

“Aye, don’t worry. I still got a good workout in.” Johnny says cheekily, winking across the table at you. 

You’re afraid you may combust as the other three pairs of eyes at the table look at you. It’s no secret what you were doing last night, or this morning. Johnny, as in most aspects of his life, is loud in bed. Kyle had known you were going to, and so had Simon, but you find your gaze turning to John as your face warms. 

You’re not quite sure what you’re expecting as you look at him. It’s not like he had forbidden you from pursuing relationships with the others, or even shown any distaste at the idea. You were open to love the other members of the pack, just as they did one another, just as he did. 

His face is stoic as he stares at you, before it begins to lighten, a gleam shining in his eyes. “Did he take good care of you?” He asks, the corner of his lips twitching. 

You swallow thickly, your face getting warmer as you nod. “Yeah.” 

“Good.” John grins. “ Then I suppose I can forgive him for sleeping in this morning, so long as it doesn’t become a habit.” He casts his glance across the table. 

“I’m a bad influence.” You say, spooning porridge into your mouth. 

“Certainly worth the trouble, though.” Johnny says, wiggling his eyebrows at you. “Especially when you do that thing with your tongue-”

Johnny’s words are cut off with a pained yelp as Ghost kicks him under the table. “Don’t go spilling all her tricks.” He grumbles, eyeing the tables around you. 

You think your face might be permanently warm at the thought of anyone nearby hearing the topic of your conversation. Of course they know, but hearing about it was something entirely different. 

Kyle walks you back to the barracks after breakfast, your hand in his, fingers laced together. His thumb rubs the back of your hand absentmindedly, shoulders brushing as you walk. Neither of you say anything, but you don’t have to. Unlike Johnny, Kyle is happy to exist in silence. They’re so very different, despite both being betas. 

Your brothers had often joked about betas being boring, and how glad they were that neither of your parents were betas. You’d disagree now, after spending some time around betas. They’re just as complex as alphas and omegas, in their own ways. 

Boring was the last thing you’d describe Johnny as last night. 

Kyle holds the door for you as you enter the barracks, following you down the hall. You stop in front of your door, your hand pausing on the knob as Kyle leans in close to you. 

His chest presses against your back, breath fanning your ear as he speaks. “Can’t wait to find out about this trick you do with your tongue.” 

Your face warms again, your heart thudding in your chest as you turn to look up at him, tongue darting out to wet your lips. “You could find out right now.” 

Kyle’s lips lift in a smirk as he leans in closer, trapping you against the door. “I’d love to, but I don’t think the Captain would be quite so forgiving if I skipped out on this training.” 

You stare up at him, lost in his big brown eyes. “Soon?” 

He smirks, leaning down to kiss you. “Of course. Just say the word.” 

He leaves you there with your heart thudding in your chest, your stomach churning in excitement. You’d be more than willing to go that extra step with Kyle right at this very moment, but the subtle ache between your thighs thanks to Johnny is a good reminder why you should wait. You want to enjoy your time with Kyle.

You know it will be worth the wait. 

“How have you been?” 

You shrug, sinking back into the plush chair. It’s warm in the office, a stark contrast to the cold downpour outside. “Fine.” You answer, running your hands over your jeans. “Tired.” 

“Oh?” Dr. Keller raises an eyebrow at you. “Have you not been sleeping well?” 

“I’m...having a hard time falling asleep.” You say. It’s not entirely a lie, but it’s not the whole truth. 

“Why do you think that is?” She asks, writing something down. 

Your palms begin to sweat. You hadn’t planned on going into too much detail about this with her, but you knew she’d likely notice and remark on your tired appearance. “Been thinking too much.” 

“About what?” She probes, staring at you. 

You know you don’t have to tell her anything. What you share is up to you. Yet, you can feel the words bubbling up, threatening to spill over before you can stop them. “My family.” You say, releasing some steam from the boiling pot inside you. Tears burn your eyes, threatening to fall as you continue. “Especially my mom. I miss her a lot sometimes.” 

“You had a close bond with her.” Dr. Keller says. It’s not a question. 

You nod. “The closest out of all of my siblings.” You snuffle, wiping the tear trailing down your cheek. “Makes sense why.” 

“Sometimes we have traits or behaviors that show before we present that hint at our possible status. Having a stronger bond with one parent over another, especially in mixed status packs, can signal what one might present as.” Dr. Keller says. “Were you the first omega to present in your pack?” 

You nod. “Yeah. My older brothers were alphas, and I don’t know about my younger siblings.” 

“That could all contribute to a strong bond with your mother.” Dr. Keller leans back in her seat. “I’m assuming you haven’t had any contact with them since the institute.” 

“Not since I was taken from home. The institute didn’t support keeping those connections with previous packs and...I don’t think they would have reached out anyway.” You say, picking at the fabric of your pants. 

“What makes you say that?” Dr. Keller asks. 

You pause, not sure you want to open that bag of worms. If anyone is safe enough to do it with, you know it’s going to be Dr. Keller. She won’t judge you, she won’t think you weak or silly for having such thoughts, such fears. She doesn’t care how broken you are. You’re not part of her pack. She’s an outsider, a doctor above all. 

“Well, they did send me to the institute, didn’t they?” You finally say. 

Dr. Keller hums, staring at you for a moment before she drops her gaze to her notebook, writing something down. “I suppose you have a point there. Hypothetically, if you were given the chance to, would you want to talk to them again? It’s not uncommon for omegas to seek out their previous packs and families after they leave the institute.” 

Your stomach twists at her question. Even if it is only hypothetical, you had existed for years in the institute thinking you’d never get to see or hear from your family again. They were behind you, lost to you. They wouldn’t accept your attempts to reach out to them, even if you knew where they were. Even after leaving the institute, you knew the chances of seeing them again or even just hearing from them was almost none. You have a new pack now, your old one doesn’t matter. 

That’s just the life of an omega. 

Would you want to? In this hypothetical world where this question exists as a potential option, would they even answer if you called? Would they accept an invitation to see you again, if they were given the chance? Could your father feel regret after all of these years for what he did to you? 

“I...” You frown, tears pricking your eyes again. “I don’t know.” 

“That’s okay.” Dr. Keller says. “It’s a complex situation. If you ever wanted to, though, I’m sure they could make it happen.” 

Your gaze snaps to hers, the shock at her words clearly written on your face. Of course they probably could. It was their job to hunt down hard to find people, and with the CIA at their backs, you’re certain they could track down your family easily. Would they do it for you, if you asked? Would they allow you to have that connection with your old pack while still being part of theirs? 

“Most people keep some form of contact with their family, even after they move on to their own pack.” Dr. Keller says. “It’s not unusual, even among omegas. Just something to think about.” 

“Do you still talk to your family?” You ask her, partly out of curiosity. 

“I do.” She smiles. “I talk to my parents pretty regularly, and my older brother occasionally. He’s involved in this world too. He was in the Army originally, but now he does whatever it is he does.” 

You’re surprised by her answer. Not so much that she still talks to her family, but that she’s familiar with this world. It makes sense, how easily she existed in it, beyond just being a professional. “Do you think it had something to do with you being chosen for this position?” You ask. 

“Most likely.” She grins. “Laswell probably wanted someone who is at least a little familiar with this world, but also someone she knew would work well with you.” 

“I think she made the right choice.” You say. It’s the truth. You like Dr. Keller. You trust her. You’ve grown comfortable in her presence and you look forward to your appointments with her. It almost makes you feel bad for withholding the truth from her. 

“Good. I think so too.” She says. “So, did anything exciting happen this week?” 

You chew on your lip nervously, your hands disappearing into your sleeves as your face warms a bit. “Johnny and I...had our first time together.” 

“Oh?” Her eyebrows raise. “And that’s something you wanted?” 

You nod. “Yeah. I’d like to get close to all of them, well, as close as Ghost will let me get.” You bite your lip again. “Ghost...gave me some pointers on how to handle Johnny. It worked. He...let me take control. I liked it.” 

“Nothing wrong with that.” Dr. Keller says. “I think it’s great that you’ve discovered this about yourself. I know omegas are so used to being controlled in society. I think it’s great that you’ve found a place where perhaps you can take a little control back.” 

She’s not wrong. Your entire life has been dictated for you, controlled by someone else. The baton of control was just continually passed from your father, to the institute, to the CIA, and now to John. Though John has granted you the most freedom of everyone that’s held control over you, there’s still requirements for obedience and submission to him. You’ll never be your own person. That’s just the way society works, and you’ve come to accept that. 

Yet, you’ve never felt quite so powerful as you did in bed with Johnny, when you’d gripped him by the mohawk like Ghost had instructed you to. When you saw the change in his eyes as you took over, controlling him, telling him what to do. You liked it, exerting control over someone else for a change. He just let you do it. It still sends a thrill down your spine at the thought of the possibilities, the things you can do now that you’ve discovered this part of yourself. You’d never show it in public, but behind closed doors...

The book was right. Perhaps omegas can be powerful. 

“What are we doing?” You ask, staring up at John as he straps a tactical vest onto your body. 

“We’re doing an exercise, and you’re going to help us.” He answers, double checking the vest before putting a helmet on your head. “Think of it as hide and seek mixed with tag.” He finishes strapping the helmet to your head, taking a step back. “How does it feel?” 

“Heavy.” You feel weighed down with the vest and the helmet.

“You’ll get used to it.” He says with a smile, guiding you towards the door of the warehouse. 

It’s dark inside, nearly pitch black except for the light coming in from the open door. There’s fake walls set up in front of you, with space just in the middle like a sort of hallway that disappears into the darkness. 

“Your job is to get from this side of the warehouse, to the other without getting caught.” John says. “No weapons, just you trying to evade us and get to the other side while we try and catch you,” John lowers the goggles on the top of the helmet, the world coming alive in shades of green around you. “And night vision goggles. Be smart about it. Understood?” 

You nod, looking around with the goggles, trying to adapt to using them. “Yes, sir.” 

“Good. You have a thirty second head start. Use it wisely.” 

He leaves the warehouse, closing the door behind him. You’re left in complete darkness, with no sound but a fan running somewhere, probably to dampen any sounds that might echo. You stand there for a moment, trying not to breathe too heavily, as it might echo in the warehouse. You stare at the door behind you for a second before you begin to move forward, the adrenaline starting to pump. You have to get to the other side of the warehouse before they catch you. Are they working together or individually? What kind of strategy will they use? What strategy will you use? 

You begin to pick up speed, running until you reach the end of the first hallway. It splits off in both directions, and you hesitate for a moment. Be smart about it. You don’t have many advantages in this situation. They’ve done this before, both in training and probably in the field as well. They’re highly skilled soldiers, trained to hunt down people in all sorts of environments, sometimes with nothing more than their scent. 

Scent. 

Of course. 

You take off down the right hallway, following it as it twists and turns like a maze. A giant maze. There’s so many hallways, so many places to run, but not many to hide. That’s not the point, though. You have to get to the other side of the warehouse before they do. You have to track your way through this maze without getting caught by four special operations soldiers. 

Simple enough. 

You pause at a corner, undoing your vest so you can slip your sweatshirt off. You’re just putting your vest back on when the door opens, bathing the ceiling with light for a moment. It’s started. They’re inside. You can’t hear anything over the hum of the fan, and that’s almost more terrifying to you than if you had been able to hear them. The adrenaline is pumping now as you toss your sweatshirt in the corner before quickly backtracking and heading a different direction.

You try to keep your breathing quiet as you weave through the maze, doubling back and touching the walls every so often to try and leave your scent behind and confuse them. You take deep breaths through your nose as you go, trying to catch any whiff of them, any sign that you might have crossed their path or be getting close to them. They’ll reach the same area of the maze as you’re in eventually, sooner rather than later. You need to start pressing forward. You’re not just evading them, you have to reach the other side before they catch you. 

You slip around a corner, pressing up against the wall as something moves behind you. You hold your breath, quiet footsteps passing by your position. Your hands are shaking from the adrenaline, the instinctual fear of being hunted rising in you. You take a couple of quiet deep breaths, slipping your shoes off to grab your socks before slipping them back on. You peek around the corner, finding nothing. 

You toss one of your socks in the corner before doubling back, pausing as you cross one of their scents. Johnny. You recognize the citrusy tang in the air. Christ, you’ve never heard him be that quiet before. You continue on, your heart racing in your chest as you carefully weave around corners, slipping through hallways. They’re close to you now. They could be around any corner. 

You pause as you cross the scent of leather and musk, something prickling in the back of your mind. It’s a fresh scent. You pause for a moment, looking in the direction he went before slipping around the corner. You still have your other sock clutched in your hand, knuckles white as you grip it tightly. 

You should be nearing the end. The warehouse isn’t that big, even with all the doubling back and dodging you’ve been doing. You toss your other sock in a corner haphazardly as you decide to stop doubling back and go for the exit. You have to try and get ahead of them, as well as find your way through the maze to the exit door. 

Simple enough. 

Except, you have no idea which direction the exit is, or which direction you’re heading. You could be going backwards for all you know. You weave through the halls, around the corners, focusing on finding the end of the maze. 

In your concentration you fail to notice the scent, weaving through the halls mindlessly as you attempt to reach the end of the maze. You pay for it as the sound of boots on the concrete floor rushes up behind you. You let out a startled shriek of surprise as your feet leave the floor, your body ragdolling over someone’s shoulder. 

“Got her!” He yells out, weaving around a couple corners before light floods the warehouse, making you wince. 

Your squint as your feet hit the ground again, the night vision goggles lifted from your face. Your nose crinkles as you stare up at Kyle’s smug face, his lips pulled up in a smirk. 

“No fair.” You pout. “I was so close!” 

“You were, but you got sloppy at the end there.” He says, undoing the strap of your helmet to help you take it off. You’re sweaty underneath it, hair sticking to your forehead. You’re glad you ditched your sweatshirt now. 

“Not bad.” John says, exiting the warehouse, Ghost and Johnny following. “Nice strategy.” He says, tossing your sweatshirt to you. 

You shrug, hugging it to your chest. “Had to think fast with what I had on hand.” 

“Running around with no socks on too.” Ghost says, holding up your socks. 

“Left you a little present. You can keep them if you want.” You smirk. 

“Don’t want your nasty socks.” He grumbles, tossing them to you. 

“That was fun.” You say, grinning up at them. “Like being hunted.” You don’t miss the quiet rumble in John’s chest at your words, his eyes darkening just a bit. “Can someone help me out of this now though,” You say, reaching for the velcro straps on the vest. “It’s squishing my boobs.” 

The TV is playing some show, but you're not really paying attention. You haven't been, not for a while now. Your adrenaline had still been pumping a bit after your participation in the exercise earlier, putting you on edge the rest of the day. It had been a bit thrilling, the idea of being hunted like that. You can understand now how omegas enjoy being hunted, beyond just the inevitable end. 

The thought of that being how the exercise ended, all four of them at once, out where anyone could see you...your skin begins to prickle as heat blossoms in your veins. Kyle would get to take you first because he won, he caught you so easily. Would John go second, or would he allow the other members of his pack to go first? Ghost would be rough, taking you from behind, hands bruising on your hips. Your teeth sink into your lip as you imagine him over you, a position you often found yourself in during your training with him. He's just so big, so strong. They all are. 

You won't be able to control yourself during training if you keep going down that thought path. 

John would be gentle, piecing you back together after the others have had their way with you. He'd take care of you, like a good alpha, dragging one more orgasm out of you after you think you can't anymore. 

You let out a shaky breath, trying to calm your scent. You're stinking up the rec room with your fantasies. You turn your head to look at the TV, trying to focus on what's happening on the screen in an effort to distract yourself. 

It doesn't work, the subtle dampness between your thighs ever present on your mind. You have half a mind to get up and seek out Kyle, but like a miracle he appears in the doorway of the rec room. You see his nostrils flare, the lift of his shoulders as he inhales. He can smell your arousal, the spike in the sweetness of your scent. You have no doubt about that. He doesn't say anything, though, instead he approaches the couch silently, kneeling at the end. 

He settles himself on top of you, resting his head on your chest. He lets out a breath as he settles, keeping some of his weight off of you, but he's still pressed against you like a weighted blanket. You fight the urge to shift beneath him, to press your hips up against him, to seek any ounce of relief for the warmth between your thighs. 

You're not sure he's watching the TV either as he lays there, relaxed over you. Your fingers trail patterns across his back, gliding over his soft shirt. He's in blue today, one of your favorite colors on him. He looks good in anything, the perks of being pretty, but blue is one of your favorite colors on him. 

It's silent between you for a while, Kyle relaxed above you while you fight to relax beneath him. If he’s affected at all by your scent, he hides it well. You have half a mind to ask him to take pity on you, to slip his hand beneath your sweatpants and ease the ache between your thighs. He had said whenever you wanted it. All you have to do is ask. 

You shift slightly beneath him, lifting your hand to his head. “Kyle?” You ask, gently trailing your fingers over his scalp. He'd gotten his hair buzzed recently, the curly strands shorter than normal. 

He hums in response, the sound rumbling through your body from where his head rests on your chest. When you don't reply right away he lifts his head, blinking up at you with those big brown eyes. 

“Kiss me?” You ask. 

Your heart starts to race as he pulls himself closer to you, his body dragging against yours. His eyes dart to your lips before they look back into yours for a moment. He leans down, slipping his arms underneath your back as he closes the gap between you. His lips are soft against yours, his kisses gentle and controlled as he holds you like you might break in his grasp. 

“Kyle?” You murmur against his lips, your arms wrapping around his neck. 

He hums again in response, pulling away just slightly to stare down at you. 

“‘M not gonna break.” You say, dragging your nails over his scalp again. “Kiss me like you mean it.” 

His lips twitch in a smirk before he leans down, pressing his lips hard against yours. It’s a searing kiss that nearly steals your breath away. His tongue prods at your lips, and you part them to allow him in. He tastes like the tea he had been drinking after dinner, rich and earthy with a hint of sweetness from the sugar he added. You moan softly into his mouth as his tongue flicks against your own, your thighs squeezing around his waist at the thought of that tongue between your legs. 

He smirks against your lips as if he knows exactly what you’re thinking, his body shifting over yours so he can press one of his thighs between your legs. You move instinctively, your hips grinding against his thigh. Finally you're getting some friction, some relief from the ache. 

“Fuck.” He breathes, pulling you tighter against his chest. “That’s it.” He groans, pressing his thigh harder against your grinding hips. “Gonna cum on my thigh, just like that?” He nips at your jaw, trailing kisses down the line towards your neck. “Haven’t even touched you yet.” 

You try to muffle your moans as you continue to grind against his thigh, the friction on your clit pushing you closer and closer to the edge. “Kyle?” You gasp out, gripping the back of his shirt. “Gonna fuck me on the rec room couch?” 

He lifts his head from your neck, staring down at you for a moment. “Fuck, you’re right. Your room or mine?” 

“Yours.” You say, hanging on for dear life as he scoops you up off the couch, wrapping your legs around his waist. 

He walks you to his room, carrying you the entire way. He kicks the door shut, beelining for his bed. He drops you down on the mattress, your body bouncing as he hastily peels his shirt off, revealing an expanse of smooth skin marked here and there by scars. You immediately reach out, trailing your fingers over his skin. It’s just as soft as it looks, your fingers trailing the lines of his muscles. 

His hand flattens over yours as it reaches his chest, pressing it into his warm skin as he leans down, kissing you again. His hands slip under your thighs, lifting you and switching your positions so he’s seated on the bed, and you’re in his lap. 

“Anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?” He says, looking up at you. 

“I think it’s been mentioned before.” You say with a shrug, smiling down at him. 

“It’s the truth.” He says, slipping his hands under your shirt. “Deserve to hear it all the time.” 

“Bunch of handsome men complimenting me constantly?” You say, lifting your arms over your head so he can remove your shirt. “Can’t complain about that.” 

“Luckiest men in the world.” He says, smoothing his hands across your back as he presses his face into your throat. “Pretty little omega.” 

You shiver as his teeth nip at your skin, his thumbs brushing the undersides of your breasts. You arch against his chest, pressing yourself closer. There’s a bulge in his pants, a shiver of pride running through you at the thought that you did that to him. You elicited such a reaction from him. 

“I never properly thanked you.” You say, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“For what?” He asks, staring up at you curiously. 

“For taking such good care of me during my heat. Couldn’t have been easy, seeing me like that, knowing you couldn’t even touch me.” You grind your hips against his, his teeth sinking into his lip as you grind against his bulge. “Tell me, how many times did you touch yourself while thinking about me?” 

“Too many to count, love.” He groans, leaning his forehead against yours. “Sounded so sweet, getting ruined by our alpha.” 

“Been so patient, waiting for this.” You gasp, still rocking in his lap, the wetness between your thighs intensifying from the friction. “Tell me how you want me.” 

“Sit on my face.” He growls, pushing you off his lap so he can lay down on the bed. 

You shove your pants and underwear down your legs, fighting the urge to be bashful. Kyle has already seen you at your most vulnerable, been up close and personal with your most private parts. Yet, it feels different like this. More intimate, and less of a necessity. 

You take his hand as he offers it, letting him guide you to kneel over his face. You grip the headboard as you hover over him, his hands settling on your hips. 

“Wait-” You say, before he can pull you down onto his face. “What if I suffocate you?” 

“Then I’ll die a happy man.” He says, tugging you down onto his mouth. 

You let out a gasp as his tongue drags through your folds, already soaked from his teasing. His tongue flicks across your clit, eliciting a quiet moan from your lips. Your hips jerk when his mouth closes around your clit, suckling at it with a lewd smack of his lips. 

“Fuck!” You gasp, grinding your hips against his face as he continues to tease your clit, drawing patterns on it with his tongue. 

You’re close already, your legs trembling around his head. He holds you steady, keeping you still above him as he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it harshly. Your knees attempt to squeeze around his head as you cum, soaking his face with a cry. He continues to lap at your folds, licking up every last bit of your release before he finally lets you move off his face.

You drop to the side, staring down at him as you try to catch your breath. He licks his lips, his face shiny with your juices. He reaches a hand over, tangling his fingers in your hair as he pulls your face down to his, kissing you. You moan at the taste of yourself on his tongue and lips, already starting to get wet again. 

Kyle wraps his arms around you, flipping you onto your back under him. He hovers over you, the bulge in his pants very visible, even from this position. 

“Sweet little omega.” He says, nipping at your lips. “So fucking perfect.” 

“Kyle,” You gasp, pulling him down into a kiss. “Need you.” 

“I got you.” He soothes you, pressing another kiss to your lips before he sits back on his knees between your legs, staring down at you. He drags his fingers through your folds, still just as slick as they had been before your orgasm. “So fucking wet.” He groans, hastily undoing his belt and pants, kicking them off the end of the bed. 

You stare at him in awe, his cock just as beautiful as he is. Long and thick, curved just slightly. You can’t help but ogle him as he wraps a hand around the base, squeezing it. He’s hard, raging hard, the tip leaking precum already. He really has been so patient, waiting for this. You almost feel bad making him wait so long, but he had agreed to be patient, if only to keep Johnny from making everyone’s lives miserable with his pouting if he didn’t get to go first. 

It’s only fair that you let Johnny go first too, considering Kyle will likely be the one you spend the most time with. It’s only natural, thanks to your bond with John. Kyle’s your beta, just as much as John is your alpha. You’d like Johnny to be your beta too, but you know without that bond with Ghost, it’ll never feel quite the same as it does with Kyle. Regardless, you’ll continue to treat Johnny as if he was your beta. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Kyle asks, watching you as you get lost in thought.

You truly do it at the worst possible times.

You lift your gaze to his, staring into those big brown eyes. “Just waiting on you to hurry up and fuck me.” 

You let out a yelp as Kyle’s hand smacks your inner thigh, the sound cracking through the room. 

“Don’t get cheeky now.” He warns, rubbing the spot on your skin that’s quickly turning warm from his smack. “Just making sure you’re alright.” 

“Fine.” You say, spreading your legs further for him. “Be better if you finally fucked me.” 

Your laugh is broken by a moan as he drags his head through your folds, his hand falling to grip your waist. 

“That needy for me, huh?” He asks, teasingly pressing the tip of his cock into you before pulling back. 

“Just worried you might not make it since you’ve waited so long.” You gasp, trying to move your hips to take him deeper into you, but he pins you with the hand on your hip. 

“Careful what you wish for.” He says, the warning clear in his tone. You handled Johnny just fine, you can certainly handle Kyle. 

You hope. 

He finally takes pity on you, sinking his cock deeper into you. You moan at the stretch, flopping back on the bed as you try to relax around him. He rolls his hips in short thrusts, sinking deeper and deeper as you open up to him. You reach for him as he sinks even further into you, his body folding over yours. You wrap your arms around his neck, staring up at him as he seats himself completely inside you, hips pressed flush against yours. 

“Hi.” You breathe, getting lost in his soft gaze. 

“Hi, love.” He grins down at you, fingers brushing your cheeks as he leans on his elbows above you. “Doing alright?” 

You nod, squeezing around him. “Yeah. Feels good.” 

“Good.” He says, leaning down to kiss you. “Been waiting so long for this. Feels better than I imagined.” 

You let out a quiet whine, clenching around him again. The thought of him imagining this, trying to picture what you’d look like, what you’d feel like while he waited patiently for his turn has your body burning hot. You shift your hips below him, causing him to move inside you. 

“Kyle?” You breathe, shifting again. “Please move.” 

“I got you, love.” He smiles down at you, pulling his hips back before slowly pressing forward again. 

Your head falls back as he moves, keeping his pace slow and languid. Heat burns through your veins, your very nerve endings alive as he slowly rolls his hips into you. Something thrums in the back of your mind, the mark on your shoulder almost tingling as you stare up at him, your fingers trailing over the mark on his shoulder, a mirror of the one on your own. A shudder runs through him as your fingers brush the scar, his lips parting in a low groan. You clench around him at the sight of such unbridled pleasure on his face, pulling him closer against your body.

He drags your pleasure out as he makes love to you, slow and passionate and deliberate with every movement. You know you won’t last much longer, the sensations beginning to overwhelm you. 

“I’m close.” You breathe into Kyle’s ear, pressing kisses across his neck. “Don’t stop.” 

“Gonna cum for me?” He groans, keeping his thrusts steady. “Gonna let me see that beautiful face as you come undone for me?” 

Your back arches as you cum, pushed over the edge by his words. Your nails bite into his shoulders, but he offers no complaint as he continues to roll his hips into yours, working you through your orgasm as he chases his own. His pace picks up slightly as he gets closer and closer to the edge, your eyes on his face, wanting to watch him now. 

“Your turn.” You breathe, still trying to catch your breath from your orgasm as you clench around him. 

His head tilts back, lips parted in a deep moan as his hips jerk. His cock twitches inside you, his thrusts getting sloppy as he cums. You trail your hands over his back, sinking your teeth into your lip as you watch his face morph into complete bliss. You’ve never seen anything quite so beautiful. 

He collapses on top of you, just managing to keep his weight off of you thanks to his elbows planted on the bed beside your head. You continue to rub his back, fingers tracing the smooth, sweat slicked skin, only pausing to trace the scars that you find. Kyle presses soft kisses to your face, slowly trailing lower across your jaw and neck. He presses a kiss to your mark, a shudder running through you. He lets out a groan as you clench around him, shifting so he’s face to face with you again. 

“Give me a minute.” He says, slipping out of you as he presses a kiss to your lips. 

“Tired already?” You ask cheekily. 

“No,” He says, kissing you again before slowly sliding down your body. “Just need a minute to catch my breath. Besides,” He settles between your thighs, pressing them open so he’s face to face with your pussy. “I’ve got a mess to clean up.” 

You stand outside the door of John’s office, brows pulled into a frown. You have a feeling you already know what he’s going to say, yet your mind keeps reeling, coming up with the most fantastical ideas as to why you were summoned to his office in the middle of the day. It’s weird that he’s in his office in the middle of the day. Usually they’d be off training, but he’d pulled them all into a meeting this morning after breakfast, one that had gone into your usual lunch time, and then they hadn’t gone to train after you finally got to eat. 

“Come in.” 

Your hand pauses on the handle as you hesitate, almost as if you could prevent what’s going to happen by just not going in. It’s a ridiculous thought. Avoiding this will only likely get you into trouble. 

You step into the office, the air inside different from any of the other times you’ve been in his office. John’s face looks grim and focused behind his desk, and it’s not hard to tell you’re not facing John right now, you’re facing Captain Price. 

You take the seat across from him at his desk when he motions to it, trying to fight the tears threatening to brim in your eyes as you stare at him. You won’t cry. You knew this was going to happen eventually. You knew going in what was going to inevitably happen. You had been well prepared for this part of your new reality, yet you don’t want to acknowledge it now that you’re staring it in the face. 

“I know you’ve likely already figured out what’s going on.” He says, his voice gruff and deeper than normal. 

You can see it in his face. He’s fighting his own battle with having to tell you. You hadn’t expected it, to see him struggle with it. He knew it as well as you did. He knew it better than you did, and yet, you can see the turmoil behind that focused gaze. 

He lets out a sigh as he continues, hands closing into fists on his desk, his tone almost apologetic. The words sting despite the fact you had known they were coming, despite the fact you had expected them when you walked into the office. “This morning we had a debrief for a new assignment. We’ll be leaving tonight. All four of us.”  

NEXT ->

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[totally-not-niyah]

Arranged Marriage - Part Two

(felt like the gif was really fitting for the ending scene of this) - Pairing: Loki x Reader Notes: Here it is! The significantly better, longer, second part of my arranged marriage story :) this one capped at 4k+ words and it's lowk one of my best works to date imo <3

=

Never in your life did you ever think you’d be excited at the prospect of marriage, especially one you never chose to have in the first place. 

But now, here you were, waiting in the gardens for your betrothed, the second son of the king of Asgard, Loki Odinson. 

In the couple of weeks you had known Loki, you felt yourself growing more and more attached to his person. There was always this lightness in your body whenever the two of you were together, like he was lifting your heart, even with just his smile. 

Everything about him was amazing. His kindness, the way he carried himself, the occasional mischievous glint in his eye whenever he’d get ready to do something silly and send you both into laughing fits afterwards. Just his overall company made you happy. 

You couldn’t help but notice a tight feeling in your chest whenever you were with him, like a feeling being caged inside, yet trying to make its way into the light. It reminded you of the stories your mother used to tell you about her and your father before he passed, how it was a sign that she was in love with him. 

But it was too early to be in love with Loki, wasn’t it? 

“There you are.” 

You pushed the thought aside as you heard that familiar voice, turning around to see the same man you were just pondering over. 

“I was wondering if you’d ever show up,” you said with a teasing smile. “Apologies, darling,” he said with a small laugh. “I lost track of time in the library.”

“I thought you said you’ve read every book in there?” 

“Oh, I have! But you haven’t.” After he says those words, you watch as he pulls out a couple different books from behind his back and presents them to him. “I…figured maybe I could read my favorites to you.” 

You tilted your head to the side, your lips curling upwards even further as you felt your heart fluttering. 

“Really? That sounds fun.” 

Loki seemed to share the same excited manner as you did, eagerly taking the seat beside you on the bench when you patted it. 

He let you pick the first choice, to which you chose one with a dull blue cover, the two of you sitting together peacefully as the sun gleamed down on your bodies. 

Loki’s voice was gentle yet accentuated as he read to you, and you conclude in your head that you could fall asleep every night just by listening to the soothing sound of his voice. 

Norns, you really were bad for this man, weren’t you? 

Unfortunately, your peaceful little bubble was broken when a guard came rushing forward, bowing his head as he approached your view. 

“My lady, I’m very sorry, but your mother has urgently requested your presence.”

You sighed inwardly at the news, feeling your muscles tense in preparation for the encounter you knew was coming. If she was urgently searching for you, it couldn’t have been anything good. 

“Of course,” you sighed, standing up from the bench and giving Loki an apologetic look. “Will you wait for me?” “Or, better yet, I could accompany you.” 

You let out a sigh of relief, grabbing his hand. “Oh, you’re a lifesaver, let’s go.” 

=

“Mother?” you called, pushing open the large golden doors. “You’re looking for me?” 

“(Y/n), there you are,” she said. “I know this is very last minute, but we must travel back home, we have some things to discuss with the royal advisory before we finish planning your wedding.” 

The words made your shoulders slump in disappointment. “But do I have to go? You handle all of the advisory meetings by yourself, anyways.”

“Yes, but dear, those things were never about your wedding,” she stresses, giving you a look that told you there is no way to get out of this. “The sooner we leave, the sooner we come back, yes?” 

You give her a reluctant nod. “Right.” You then turn to look at Loki. “I'm sorry…for cutting our day together short.” 

“There's no need to worry,” he said with an understanding smile, taking one of your hands in his. “Here.” 

His free hand lifted up slightly, and a green light began to emit from his palm until it materialized the book he was reading to you earlier. 

“You can write to me while you're away. Tell me what you think when you've finished.” 

You felt your face getting warmer, but you hoped at least it wasn't showing. 

“I will,” you told him, nodding your head in confirmation. The two of you just stood like that in silence for a while, like both of you wanted to do something, but at the same time, wanted to see if the other would jump at it instead. The staring went on for so long that your mother had to clear her throat to break up the eye contact. 

“Right,” you murmured, blinking and looking away. “I'll see you again soon?”

“Very soon, darling,” he promised. 

And so you traveled back home with your mother, anticipating the moment you would see your betrothed again. 

Being in your home realm took longer than you thought. 

You never realized how much planning actually goes into a wedding, not to mention that because both families involved in the marriage party are of importance, and for the future alliance of kingdoms, for some reason, everything had to be incredibly extravagant. 

By the end of every night, you were wiped out. Even so, you made an effort to read at least half of a chapter of Loki’s book every single night, and write notes about different parts of it to share with him in a letter. 

The letter writing exchange helps you feel closer to Loki without actually being close. Although it takes time for the both of you to receive, read, write, and send back another letter in reply, it was nice to still get to talk to him despite the distance. 

You talked about nearly everything occurring in your life and realm. Like how a noble had invented something called “Pigeon Gossip” where one person writes in a scroll about the latest drama, mass produces it, and sends it on dozens of pigeons for all to know. That was his favorite one, and you promised him that you’d try to get Pigeon Gossip more known in Asgard.

Eventually, though, as the writing progressed, you'd found out through one of his letters that Loki had been struggling mentally. You worried, of course, and would always try to send him a positive message back, especially since you couldn't be there to help. He never mentioned what exactly it was that he was struggling with, and you never tried to push for answers, just tried to help him through it. 

And then he was better, which you were thrilled to hear. The letters continued on as normal, and the two of you continued your usual conversations. 

But then they stopped.

When your letter went unanswered for more than a week it gave you concerns, and when it went on to a month you decided to write again.

And again.

And again.

You couldn't figure out an answer as to why the letters stopped so abruptly. And, to add to your 'luck,’ you still weren't able to leave your home realm to investigate. Even still, you wanted to know that he was okay. 

So you wrote one last letter. 

And to your delight, it was answered, but it was short lived.

Reading over the words, your mind went blank and you could feel your heart shatter. Tears came to your eyes as you reread it twice.

Three times.

Four.

And every time, it was the same writing. 

The letter came, not from Loki, but from his parents, the king and queen of Asgard, to inform you that Loki had passed weeks ago. They expressed their sadness and condolences to you, and unsurprisingly, a tear or two fell onto the paper as your eyes skimmed over the words for a final time.

As you felt the burn of repressed sobs in your throat, you finally let it go. Hot tears came streaming down your face as realization fully hit you, and you moved the parchment away from you to keep it out of the line of fire - or rather, water.

Too wrapped up in the sudden news, you failed to hear your mother enter your room until her voice was more audible. 

“(Y/n), we've been looking for you, we need to discuss-” 

She cuts her statement short when she notices your tear stained face, and the way your eyes are blank, as if you're trying to inwardly suppress something, but the evidence is still clear as day. 

Her tone of voice is gentle as she walks towards you, kneeling down beside you. 

“Sweetheart, what's wrong?” she asks. 

For the first time since she's been inside the room, you finally look her in the eyes. 

Your voice was strained as you spoke and more tears escaped your eyes. Clearing your throat, which did next to nothing, you choked out, “He’s gone.”

There was a long air of silence between the two of you, like she was looking for the words to say. Eventually, she just puts a gentle hand on your back and sighs, “I’m sorry, sweetie.”

You let out more shaky breaths then furrowed your brows at her, “You…You already knew, didn’t you?”

Her silence answered for her. 

You got up angrily, sliding the wooden chair across the floor with a harsh noise, “I cannot believe you right now.”

“Y/N I can explain-”

“NO. YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THIS WEEKS AGO. BUT YOU DIDN’T.”

She walked up to you cautiously with her hands raised in front of her, “I didn’t know you just now got the news, Y/N, I promise you. I hadn’t said anything about it because I wanted to give you time to grieve.”

Scoffing, you turned back to her, “You thought I was sending letters to a ghost as a coping mechanism or something? Who thinks that?”

“Listen, some people find different ways to grieve over someone they cared about,” she reasons. “I just…you seemed like everything was normal, I thought maybe you were just trying to forget about it or something. It should've been obvious that you didn't know, and I'm sorry, but… there's not much else for me to say.” 

There was too much overwhelming information going on for you to fully process at one time, so your mother, after another soft spoken apology, left you with your thoughts and feelings. 

Unfortunately, it didn't last long. 

With about maybe 3 days to cope, your mother came with some news that you were less than happy to hear. 

As your door creaked open you pushed down your quilt to see who came in, rolling your eyes at who you saw. “Have you come with more news that’s a month late? You’re slower than most Pigeon Gossip.”

As she stayed silent, you sat up, your hair an unruly mess but you couldn’t care less, “What is it now?”

She cleared her throat and slowly looked at you, “I’m afraid that, even though Loki is gone, the treaty between our realm and Asgard must go on.”

Your eyes widened as you realized what she meant and you rapidly shook your head negatively. “No, no. You are not having me marry Thor!”

“There is no other way, young lady! You will marry the prince of Asgard and that is that!” She yelled, stomping out of your room and closing the door with a loud slam.

You felt like your life was slowly falling apart as the hours went by. 

You thought nothing bad of Thor, truly, he was as kind as they come, but he wasn't the one you wanted to marry. And although you tried explaining that to your mother at a later time, she ignored your pleas for the simple excuse that your realm needed this alliance, and that it was your duty to see it through. 

It felt like when you first found out the news of an arranged marriage all over again. 

Even worse, when the two of you returned to Asgard, you and the eldest son of Odin– per your mother's request– found yourselves on a date to “get better acquainted with one another.” 

You were less than thrilled. 

The afternoon spent together was filled with awkward silence and weird glances, and when one of you decided to occasionally bite the bullet and ask a question, it was short worded replies before the silence continued. 

Eventually, though, Thor brought up the cause of the barrier of silence in the first place. 

“...I wanted to express my condolences on behalf of my brother,” he said. “I could tell you care for him, despite the circumstances and the…short amount of time you spent together.” 

You didn't verbally reply, instead offering him a faint nod of appreciation. The whole situation hurt, but even still, there was one question lingering in the back of your mind. 

“...How did he die?” 

Thor's gaze casts downwards at the memories of the events leading up to the death of his late brother. 

“There were a few secrets…family issues that caused a rift between our family,” he began to explain. “Loki took it hard. He struggled with the discoveries. And then our home was invaded by frost giants. We tried to fight them off, but Loki wasn't entirely focused, and…” 

He didn't want to say the rest, knowing it was self explanatory regardless. You didn't have a good reply to offer, so you just remained silent, allowing that information to sink in. 

It's only more uncomfortable after that. 

Conversations form between the two of you every now and then, but it's nothing more than the basic, bland topics. Even so, only two or three sentences between each of you pass before that thick silence takes its place again. 

You didn't want to seem rude, but you weren't up for this. You were still emotionally coping, not to mention the overwhelming prospect of being forced to marry the brother of your late betrothed. 

 Eventually, the two of you stop to sit in the middle of the flower field, just taking in the atmosphere. It relaxes you a little, seeing as your shoulders are no longer as tight and drawn in. 

After a while of quiet, Thor pipes up. 

“My lady, I think you and I can both agree that this arrangement is rather…” 

“Disappointing? Absurd? Soon?” You listed off multiple possibilities to complete his sentence. 

“Something along those lines, yes,” he chuckles a little, which lightens the mood. “I declined, out of respect for both you and my brother, but… our kingdoms must unite.” 

“So you mean there's nothing we can do?” You didn’t even need him to answer that, not with the way his face effortlessly did so on its own. 

Shoulders slumping, defeat slowly washes over you in agonizing waves. You felt just like you had when this arrangement was first conceived — once again unwilling, and yet, without choice.

Despite knowing the odds were not in your favor, you fought hard, in any way you could. You attempted to convince them to delay the wedding for a while longer, but the All-Father and his queen could tell there was more to your continuous requests, and that, below the surface, you truly had no desire to be wed to their eldest son. 

In light of this, Odin summons both you and your mother to the throne room one afternoon. The date of this marriage was inching closer with every passing moment, which meant that the outcome of this meeting would determine your permanent fate. 

When you heard the king tell you that you had the power to call off the wedding if you so desired (considering the circumstances), you were absolutely thrilled. 

But, as it turns out, you were the only one who was. 

Your mother was downright hysterical at the idea of ending the whole arrangement when the date was so close in timing. Before you could even get the words out of your mouth to reply, she cuts in and does it for you. 

“No! The arrangement shall go on, like it was meant to. She’ll do it.” 

Face falling at her declaration, your feet are quick to assume their place beside her. 

“What? But, Mother, no…-” 

“She’ll do it,” her voice is firm, like she’s establishing that you have no say in the matter, leaving you powerless to her once more. “Because she knows how important this is. How beneficial this will be for all of us once the wedding is seen through.” 

As if to add salt to the wound, she turns her head, expectant gaze boring holes into you. 

“Isn’t that right, dear?”

Eyes trained on the floorboards below, you sigh, biting your tongue to avoid saying anything more that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. 

“...I’ll do it.” 

The royals seated on their thrones take a look at both you and your mother, as if they’re hesitant to make a decision, but soon enough, the All-Father speaks.

“Very well. The arrangement will be seen through, and the wedding will go on.” 

And there it was. Your one chance. 

Now it’s gone.

=

The day of the wedding soon arrived, faster than you would’ve liked. 

You had the commotion of the guests of both your home and of Asgard, the chatter amongst each other surrounding the occasion they were attending. 

You sat in one of the rooms close to the ballroom, being fussed over by the female servants as they went around, fixing your dress, adding flowers to your hair, and overall ensuring you looked your best for what was to be the most important day of your life. 

Maybe it would’ve had more meaning if Loki was still here. 

After what felt like forever, the ladies were finally done, and your mother entered the room, stopping to look at you. 

“Look at you!” she says, her voice overly cheery, which you hate to admit sent a hint of irritation through you. “You look absolutely gorgeous, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, Mother,” you replied politely, offering her a tight lipped smile. She comes to stand beside you, looking through the tall mirror you stood in front of. 

“I know this isn’t very…conventional for you, my dear. But…don’t disappoint me.” 

As if there wasn’t enough pressure on you now as it is. It wasn’t about just disappointing her, either. You knew that if you did anything now to cancel this marriage, you’d be looked down on by both your mother and the people of your kingdom. Perhaps even the people of Asgard. 

“Of course not.” The words tasted bitter in your mouth, even more so as you gave yourself a critical glance in the mirror. 

Satisfied with your answer, your mother guides the servants out the door with her, giving you a few moments to yourself before the ceremony begins. 

Looking out the large window, you felt that ache in your chest again. It was just like the one you felt before you left Asgard, left Loki. 

But this time, there was something more to it. Something like…longing? 

You longed for him to return to you. You wished it to every bright star in the night sky as you counted down the days before this had to happen. 

And still, your desires were unmet, leaving you with a hole in your heart. 

That’s when you knew you loved Loki. And your only regret about it was that you couldn’t come to terms with that feeling until after he died. 

A knock on the door pulls you from your storm of thoughts, and you quickly wipe away the tears that strayed down your cheeks before calling the person it. 

It was one of the other servants, alerting you that it was finally time. You followed her out of the room and into the hall, where you had to stand until your name was announced. 

Once you actually started coming down the aisle, it felt like you were being held together by a thin cord. Your legs wobbled with every step, although going unnoticed to the guests thanks to the lower layers of your dress. 

But this place, this room in particular, it reminded you of meeting Loki, dancing with him on the night of your betrothal, the soft smiles and lingering looks the two of you shared—everything was overwhelming your senses all at once, leaving your stomach feeling queasy. 

Finally meeting Thor and standing beside him, you both offered each other smiles; yours was forced, while his was meant to offer you some form of comfort. 

Your head was barely there as you listened to the All-Father’s speech, eyes darting around subtly, glancing at all the people behind you who were watching intently. 

And…maybe your mind was playing tricks on you, but you were almost certain you saw a shimmer of green just outside the window. 

Heart skipping a beat, you let your eyes linger on the view outside for a moment longer, but the longer you watched, the more you told yourself to snap out of it, that nothing was ever there in the first place. 

You force yourself to focus in just in time, because now the king is addressing you.

“And do you, Lady (Y/n), take Thor Odinson of Asgard, to be your lawfully wedded husband?” 

You freeze up, mouth open as if to say something, but the words seem to fail to materialize in your brain so that they can come out. 

“Um, I…” 

Just as you get ready to force out your answer, the large golden doors to the ballroom open up with a heavy thud, along with a pair of footsteps rushing to meet the altar. 

“Wait!!” 

Your stomach both flips and drops at the familiar voice, and as he gets closer, you see his face for what felt like the first time in forever. 

He’s alive. Loki is alive. 

“Loki…?” You have to say his name out loud, to hear him respond, to make sure this isn’t all some cruel trick you’ve conceived for yourself to get through this dreadful event. Emerald green eyes meet yours, filled with both relief and happiness as he starts to smile. 

The guests gasp and murmur amongst themselves, but all either of you can focus on is each other. Loki continues hurrying over to get to you, and you grab the large skirts of your dress to meet him halfway, colliding with him in a rushed embrace. 

He picks you up, arms tight around your waist as he spins you in a circle.

You say his name again, your voice trembling as it comes out in a mixture of a laugh and a sob, your tear-glazed gaze looking over him while your hands hold his face in a delicate manner. His hands release your waist, setting you back down on your feet, letting his touch trail up to your upper arms. 

“You’re… you’re alive,” comes your quiet observation, watery smile forming on your lips. 

“I’m alive,” he responds, ducking down to rest his forehead against yours. “I’m here, darling.” 

“But how? They said-… You’re supposed to be-”

However, he’s a lot more interested in you than in answering your blossoming inquiries, which you soon realize when he gently cradles the back of your head, pulling you ever closer until he’s within range to kiss you, his soft lips aligning perfectly with yours. 

Every circuit in your body completely shorts out for a second, as you finally experienced what you’ve only dreamed of for the longest time. You start coming to, melting into the sensation of your lips brushing together, before you pull apart, and inevitably return for more, unable to untangle yourselves from the other. 

It takes the approach of footsteps behind you for the both of you to separate, turning around to face your lover’s family, who look just as surprised as you feel. 

“…Loki?” His brother is the first to say something. “How is this possible? I…I watched you die. You fell off into space.” 

The raven-haired man gives the blond a small smile, reaching a hand on to grip his brother’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. 

“Come on,” he drawls. “What did you expect?” 

You watch as Thor’s bewildered face shifts into one of amusement, letting out a hearty chuckle as he pats Loki on the back before they too embrace each other. 

Queen Frigga approaches her youngest son, taking his hands into her own and smiling warmly. 

“Welcome back,” she says. 

“Thank you, Mother.” 

“Well, then,” Thor begins, turning to you. “Sister, would you give me the honor of handing you off to my brother in marriage?” 

You blink a couple times, surprised by the sudden change of subject. “Wait, what? Now?” 

“Yes! There’s no better time than now!” 

“He’s right, my dear,” his mother agrees, nodding her head. “The ceremony has already started. So then, if you’re still willing to marry our son…”

Locking eyes with Loki again, he carries the same expression that you do. But soon, that look fades, forming into something much softer, a sparkle coming to life. It makes you smile, feeling like you’re on the same page with one another. 

You’d love nothing more than to marry him right now.

[maytheleiabewyou]

Analysis of the German gay film #freierfall / #freefall PART 5

For the 10th anniversary (omg! 10 years already!) (11 now because its 2024!) of one of my favorite movies I decided to make an analysis of the film and especially of the scenes between these two great actors.Max Riemelt and Hanno Koffler. Kay and Marc. Marc and Kay. I hope you like it and that above all it serves to encourage the creators to give us that long awaited second part.

HERE IT IS PART 5:

Remember where we left it? :)

Gif de everythingmaxriemelt

Are you ready? I think THIS IS one of the best parts of this review and of the whole film!!!!

[Before going to the scene... have you notice this moment when Marc stops everything just to think or "think" what he is about to do.. (all this after having gone to see Bettina and having tucked her in lovingly)]

BEFORE GOING TO ONE OF THE HOTTEST SCENES, I FEEL WE NEED TO LISTEN TO THE SONG THAT INTRODUCES US TO THE ACTION! I mean this whole part is going to be full of CAPS! HAHA #theEXCITEMENT

gO to track nº10! "The Woods: Love" aaaaaaaaaaaaaa the name!! Its just an instrumental track that introduces us to the passion!!! and makes us our hearts race? ofc!

NOWWW LETS GOOOO!! (*let the gif feast begin*)

Gif de everythingmaxriemelt

They've arranged to go for a run and it's literally pouring. Who do they think they're going to do sport? Well in a way they ARE going to practice some kind of exercise haha

This scene if you ask me makes me so embarrassed (in a good way!) because it is so clear what is going to happen between them, not only because of the clues in the last scenes, but also because the weather is not only telling us what is going to happen but SHOUTING IT OUT!

This scene is not about deceiving the viewer or faking a normal situation, nothing like that, this scene is transgressive in itself. This scene is telling us: this is what you wanted (and the protagonists too, obviously) this is what you got!

<<<<Now our minds can only think about one thing>>>>

Who is going to make the first move?

It should be Marc because Kay was the one proposing this plan, or it should be Kay because Marc already did the hardest part of going there to do what we all know is going to happen? haaaaaaaaa lets see!

I can help it to say that Kay is my favorite. Once again he being the one facilitating everything <3

YAYYY! MARC WAS THE ONE MAKING THE FIRST MOVE & KISSING KAY!

And now the next is simply p-e-r-f-e-c-t

Im adding the video of the whole scene BECAUSE IT IS NECESSARY!

But never in our wildest dreams did we imagine their first scene like this! In the middle of a storm!

lOOk please their looks!!! Again so much information without them saying anything!

Kay's look conveys desire, but also the desire to be playful with Marc. They are going to f*ck in the woods while raining and in PUBLICCCCC! Do you hear me screaming?! Marc is ENJOYING HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE MOVIE! Marc is determined to have a good time, to enjoy himself and above all to show Kay what he can do!! I can't handle it!!!!!!! AMIGAS THEY ARE BOTH SMILING!

now the uncertainty begins!

Do they like it? Is Marc happy with what happened? (Because we all know that KAY IS HAPPY!) and above all, does Marc regret it?

<<awkward silence fills all the scene>>

Again, my KAY asking Marc if everything is okay.

((AND OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS OKAY)) Or at least that is what we all want to think because it is true that Marc says yes to Kay but he immediately leaves the car without kissing Kay as a goodbye or something!

Kay saying

-it has been good

+ And Marc nodding in embarrassment!

The cutest? YES.

NOW WE ENTER TO THE CUTEST SCENES OF THE MOVIE

NOW WE CAN OFFICIALLY SAY THAT THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A (CLANDESTINE) COUPLE!

End of part 5.

I want know to dedicate a whole part to some scenes that for me are everything! Those scenes deserve a bunch of posts, parts or whatever all by themselves! Im SO happy!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for all the feedback from the previous publications and to the owners of the gifs I used <3

And here you have the previous parts in case you missed them!

[portaltothevoid]

you're losing me part iv -- copia x reader, ex!terzo x reader

Summary: Your cheating ex is the leader of the Satanic church and you caused a scene in front of the whole congregation. You've been summoned to meet with him, alone, to be served your punishment. Turns out, you're destined for more than you could ever imagine...

A/N: buckle up buttercups, you're in for a doozy. please read the warnings. also this is my first time writing real smut please be nice to me. this little idea i had has grown into something i never thought it would and it is my overflowing cup of reason to live juice. and yes i switched gifs around because i'm new here and found the perfect one for part iii soooo did a little switcheroo. ps there’s a lot of lyrical easter eggs for my fellow swifties

songs: coney island by tswizzle, tempt me by stone nobles (please check out this band, i beg of you. trust me.)

word count: 8.4k (😬😬😬)

warnings: (this chapter deals with some dark stuff) dubcon, manipulation, talk of self-sabotage, flashbacks, oral (f!receving), fingering, p in v, rough sex, choking, fingers in mouth, allusion to panty-sniffing kink (kinda), horror elements, allusion to degradation (the bad kind), female reader, terzo heavy, google translate latin, some google translate italian (i took it in high school but that was forever ago, so i tried?)

“A summons?” you gasped jumping up from the couch. “A summons?! Oh, great. Perfect. Wait, what exactly is a summons?” 

“It’s a meeting with Papa… alone…” Copia said, his voice balancing on the edge of feigned calmness and panic.

“Why the fuck does he need to see me alone? He can’t excommunicate me without witnesses, right? …Right?!” Your voice was rising in pitch as you started to pace around the living room. 

“I-I don’t know, tesoro. No matter what happens, eh, I don’t think he’ll let you go that… easily.”

“Okay, okay, we just have to remain calm and- and think about this rationally. I-it could just be the slap on the wrist for the outburst, right?”

“Maybe…”

“Then again, if I’m alone in his office it’ll probably be a slap across my ass,” you grumbled, rolling your eyes. Copia couldn’t even respond, he just made a growling sound from deep inside his chest. You held your hands up defensively. “I’m just saying.”

“If so much as lays one finger on you–”

“He won’t,” you interrupted. “What happened after I left mass?”

“I got up to run after you and the fucker, very condescendingly, reminded me…” he trailed off as a realization smacked him across the face. “He reminded me I was to lead the closing prayer, which he assigned to me at the last minute. Cazzo! Quel figlio di puttana (Fuck! That son of a bitch…) planned this. He knows what he’s fucking doing,” he fumed.  “That’s why he couldn’t wipe that fucking smirk off his face.”

“Oh fucking hell, we are so fucked,” you groaned, sitting back down on the couch with your head in your hands.

“Eh, maybe not if we’re already figuring out his plan?”

“True... Okay, so… we just have to think like Terzo.” A repulsed shiver went down your spine at that thought alone. “His comment to me was planned. He wanted to get under my skin. Point for him. I spat wine in his face and told him to fuck off in front of literally everyone. Point for me. But he was testing me to see my reaction or maybe it was just to test your reaction, or both? Either way, it didn’t matter because he made it so your duties came first no matter what I did… Point for him. He’s in the lead and now I’m gonna have to be in his office tomorrow. Great. Just fucking great.”

“So he’s going after me now too…” Copia sighed as he ran his hands through his hair.

“N-no. Not just you.” Your voice faltered as you felt your insides do a somersault. A realization of your own drained every emotion from your face. “He’s going after us. He’s going– He’s gonna try and break us apart.” Copia looked up at you, dumbfounded. Of course. Of course that’s exactly what Terzo was doing. 

“If he can’t have you, no one can…”

“Do you remember what a big fucking deal it was to get me on the books for living with him?” Copia nodded, not liking where this was going. “I… I never officially moved out… I just… came here. He’s… he’s going to reassign my living quarters tomorrow. That's what this has to be about.”

“Oh Satana mio…(Oh my Satan)”

“Call Sister Imperator. Right now. She can rush the paperwork, can't she?”

“Amore, even if we could, he’d still have to sign off on it in the morning,” he sighed.

“I can’t just sit here and wait for morning. Even if that’s not what the summons is going to be about, at least let’s cover our asses. Now… Call. Her.”

He ignored the warmth that traveled up his body from you being stern and demanding with him and started the call to their superior. She answered right away and you were sitting on the edge of the couch. “H-hi, uh, hello, Seestor. I’m sorry it’s so la– Sì. She received the summons… Eh, sì, that’s why I’m calling you… No… Okie dokie, Seestor.” He hung up the phone after that.

“Did you really just ‘okie dokie’ Sister Imperator?”

Copia just shrugged. “She’s expecting us in her office.”

“Hmph!” you hummed triumphantly as you got up. “Told ya we needed to call her.”

He rolled his eyes at your gloating. “Andiamo, anidamo (let’s go, let’s go),” he said as he placed a hand on the small of your back, letting you lead the way out of the apartment.  

Copia knocked swiftly on Imperator’s door. Seconds later it was opened. “Come in. Quickly!” she hissed. The Sister took her seat at her desk, while you and Copia sat in the chairs in front of her. She stared at you, her lips pursed. “That was some stunt you pulled at mass today, Sister.” 

“I-I… he… I’m–” you stuttered and then abruptly shut up when she held her hand up.

“I knew of the nature of your relationship with Papa and I know that it is no longer. I know of the infidelity… on both your parts. Save the apologies. I heard what he said to you. When I was your age… I would have acted similarly… I did not bring you both here because of that incident. Clearly Papa Emeritus III is out of control and it’s only going to get worse.” She spoke matter-of-factly. There was no animosity in her voice towards you, this was strictly business.

“I think he’s going to try to separate Copia and I,” you blurted out quickly. You winced at the frantic tone of your voice.

“Yes I know. I have your room transfer papers ready. Luckily, it’s before midnight, so tomorrow he won’t have a say in where you end up since this is already being put in motion. Sign here and here,” she pointed with her pen as she spoke and handed a clipboard over to Copia who then passed it to you.

“Do you… do you know what else is going to happen tomorrow? At the summoning?” you questioned timidly.

“No. I only caught wind about the transfer. But, Sister, you must be prepared. We are thwarting his plans. Whatever happens tomorrow, you cannot retaliate via a spectacle. I am fully on your side here, but we need to bide our time.”

“So… What? I’m just supposed to take the public humiliation and whatever else he’s gonna throw in my face?”

“I think what Seestor is trying to say, cara, is that behind closed doors you can say anything you want to him, but whatever you say to him, we don’t know if he will retaliate right then or wait to strike,” Copia said calmly.

Sister Imperator gave a short nod in agreement. “Your reactions have to be calculated. You cannot let your emotions get the best of you in the moment. You’ve done so well holding yourself together, I know you are capable of this.”

You felt the weight of everything come crashing down on you, overwhelming you. All you could do was chew on the inside of your cheek.

“I know you know this more than anyone, Sister,” Imperator continued, “Terzo is out of control and out of line. This is becoming nothing but a game to him. As Papa, he feels no one has the power to tell him no. At the rate he is going, he will only bring ruin to this Ministry. And I, for one, will do everything in my power to keep that from happening. I know Cardinal Copia feels the same.”

He nodded. “Sì, Seestor. I do.”

“I will do whatever it takes, Sister.”

“Do you know why your role is so vital to this?” Sister Imperator questioned. You shook your head. “You were the only one that could tame Terzo. For a while, I had thought we found our solution to our problems with him. But he is a wild animal. No amount of domestication will tame that beast. You also possess magical and ritual talents well beyond your years. You are a very valuable asset to the church as a whole. If all goes according to plan, your efforts will be regarded in the highest favor from the Dark Lord himself, I’m sure.”

You were too stunned by her praise to notice that Copia shifted uncomfortably. Sister Imperator shot a glare at him to stop before you looked up from your hands. “I– Um, thank you, Sister.”

She gave you a stiff nod as she began to organize the papers on her desk. “Oh, and, Sister? Should anything happen to you, be it comments or gestures, report it to myself or Cardinal Copia. Immediately. If I am preoccupied, tell someone or myself that you have a very important document for me to review. Understood?”

“Yes, Sister,” you nodded.

“Very well then. I will have this processed and on Papa’s desk by sun rise.”

Copia got up and bowed to Sister Imperator. He held out his hand for you to take your leave. Just as you both were a step away from the door, you turned back to her desk. “Sister Imperator?” you asked innocently.

“Hmm?” she murmured without looking up at you.

“Thank you,” you said sincerely.

She finally looked up at you, her eyes darting between you and Copia. An uncharacteristically warm smile spread across her face. “No need to thank me yet.” Her demeanor turned back to its usual stoicness. “Now go get some rest. The both of you. You’ll need it.”

~~~~~ 

Even though you somehow managed to fall asleep, you felt like as soon as you drifted off, you heard the incessant beeping of Copia’s alarm. You rolled to face the ceiling and groaned, but didn’t allow yourself any more time in bed. You wanted this over with. You had no idea what was about to happen. Delaying it wasn’t going to solve any problems. Reluctantly, you got up and showered quickly, putting on your makeup afterwards. While Copia got ready for the day, you searched your side of the closet, trying to decide the best approach for this summons.

Earlier last week, while Terzo was tied up in meetings, you and one of your favorite Ghouls went back to the place you once called home and packed up the rest of your things. When you brought in the last box, and the Ghoul was to return to his post, he gave you his signature straight-lined, toothy smile, something he rarely did around humans. He stood at your side and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, nuzzling his head into you. The affection was so endearing you didn’t mind his mask slightly clunking against your head.

“Thank you for always being there for me, Swiss,” you told him. He had caught you crying on more than one occasion, always wiping your tears away or badly misbehaving around Papa when he realized that’s who was the reason for your sadness. “Don’t forget about me, okay?” you laughed delicately. The Ghoul put both their hands over their heart and shook their head. How could they ever forget the one person who treated them like an equal and not as just a devout servant or like some kind of pet? 

His shoulders slumped when it was time for him to go. You put your hand on the side of his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze and said, “Be on your worst behavior for Papa. Be the best little shit I know you can be for me, alright?” He perked up and nodded excitedly, happily accepting this task from you. “There we go, that’s my favorite Ghoul,” you smiled warmly and scratched under his chin as his tail swished. He flashed you one more of his signature smiles before turning heel and heading back.

You sighed. “I miss the Ghouls,” you grumbled as you continued to flip through all the clothes you had hanging. You could wear something plain, albeit respectful, just what all the Sisters wore day-to-day. Maybe something more formal… But then you found it. It was a dress you saved for special occasions and events and luckily for you, you had yet to wear this one. A devilish smile went across your face. 

Looking in the mirror, smoothing out any stray wrinkles, you nodded to yourself. You looked hotter than hell. You had your wimple on, but pulled some hair out to have it frame your face. You fluffed your bangs, then applied your red lipstick. Yeah, this’ll do.

You walked out of your room, causing Copia to look up from his phone. He almost choked on his coffee at the sight of you.

The dress was a black satin that hugged your body. Leaving very little to the imagination, it had a plunging neckline and an open back. Its asymmetrical hem fell just above your left ankle, while the right side hit the top of your thigh, showing off your whole leg when you walked. On that leg, you had a garter with a single Grucifix dangling from it, made of black diamonds. It had been a gift from Terzo, you only hoped it added insult to injury. For shoes you wore simple, black, strappy stilettos. 

“Y-you’re wearing that for h-him?” he stuttered in shock.

You grinned a Cheshire cat smile as you walked over to him. Tilting his head to the side you were on, you leaned down and kissed him. Your hand trailing down his chest, a finger dragging across where his pants started under his cassock. “Oh, caro, this dress isn’t for him. I’m dressing for revenge.” You dragged the hand holding his head across his jawline as you pulled away. “You got a little…” you said quietly as you used your thumb to wipe the corner of his mouth. He could only stare at you as you walked towards the door. His eyes wide and filled with lust. “Meet me back here for lunch,” you said, your tone commanding. You looked over your shoulder with a delightfully sinful grin to see Copia nodding fervently. 

Just before you stepped out to leave, he called out, “Be careful, amore. Per favore.”

“Always am,” you responded as you shut the door. Taking one long, deep breath, you began your trek to the summons.

Dark Lord, give me the strength to mask my emotions, to not let them overpower my actions. Please, give me your strength and guidance to get through this. Nema, you thought to yourself, eyes closed and focused as you stood outside his office and set your intention. You elegantly knocked on the door.

“Entra.”

Let the battle begin. 

He sat with his elbows on his desk, chin perched in his folded hands. You felt him eyeing you as you walked over to the chair across from him, sizing you up. His face dropped slightly, taken aback by your appearance. His lust for you consuming him.

“You did this all for me, sorella? Or would you still prefer I call you tesoro mio?” His voice was sultry, dripping with sweet honey. It made you sick.

“Sorella is fine, Papa. You summoned me, I only thought it best to wear something more formal,” you smiled politely. 

“I always did like the way you think…” he mused under his breath, but still loud enough for you to hear. You ignored the comment. “Do you know why I summoned you, tesorino?” 

Your expression held firm as you kept your air of professionalism intact. “I can only assume it has to do with the incident from mass.”

“Actually, I wanted to discuss your living arrangements. But you see, a very curious thing happened. There were already papers on my desk dealing with just that. Isn't it funny how quickly things can get done when you know the right people, hmm?”

“I see it as a blessing. The Dark Lord works in mysterious ways.”

“That He does, that He does…” his smile showed he was impressed by your response and ability to dodge the question, but his tone suggested he knew the move was calculated. “Well, with that out of the way now, I suppose we have time to talk.” He looked at you through his lashes. He softened, his voice quieter. Was this his way of waving the white flag? You weren’t talking to Papa now, you had Terzo in front of you. The real Terzo. However, you weren’t about to drop your guard so easily.

“What is there to talk about, Papa?”

He shook his head, his expression forlorn. “This isn’t business anymore.” When he looked up at you, he dropped any and every mask he was wearing. Even behind his papal paints, you could see how broken and defeated he actually was. “You left… and then I returned home one day and… every trace of you was gone. Poof. As if you were never there. As if we never happened…” he took a deep breath, it was unsteady. He bit his lip in an effort to control his emotions. You stared numbly at him. “Do you remember the first night I stayed with you? When you were sick?” he whispered.

Of course you remembered. How could you forget? You had a nasty cold. You texted him early that day, telling him you were sick and you’d have to reschedule dinner. He told you to rest and get better and that he would see you soon. You didn’t think ‘soon’ meant him showing up at your door later that evening with two quart containers of minestrone soup (that he made himself from his nonna’s recipe (and with Primo’s guidance)) and a bouquet of flowers.  

“What are we watching, tesoro?” he asked as he settled in behind you, holding you, arm wrapped around your waist. You felt guilty having him there. 

“You really don’t have to stay. I mean I don't want to get you sick and… Really, I’m fine on my own, especially now that I have soup!” 

“Amore. Just because you do well on your own doesn’t mean you have to be on your own, hm? I'm here because I want to be, because la mia ragazza preferita (my favorite girl) is sick. If we fall asleep watching tv, then we sleep! There’s no use arguing with me, you know,” he said as he pulled you closer to him and pressed gentle kisses on your neck. “I'm staying– right– here.” His voice was muffled from barely taking his mouth away from your neck as he punctuated each word with a kiss. The affection made you bubble with laughter.

“I'm glad you’re here,” you said shyly. It was at that moment you knew you had a difficult conversation ahead of you. One that could make or break your relationship with Terzo, but you were falling for him. Hard. Nothing could stop your momentum. He had a reputation and if he loved you like he said he did, he’d commit to you. Wouldn’t he?

He let out a content sigh that pulled you out of your thoughts. He nuzzled into your shoulder. “Sono tua. Tutta tua.” He paused before adding, “Solo tua.” You froze. Did he read your mind? Did he feel the same as you? (I am yours. All yours. Only yours.)

“Solo mia? Davvero?” (Only mine? Really?)

“Sì. Sì,” he murmured affectionately as he placed a kiss on your temple. “There's no one else I want to share my time with. You’re all I think about, all I dream about, amore. You ground me. Make me feel like… I'm not… I’m not as— You make me feel like I'm worth loving. I want… us… I want to be esclusivi with you.” A sudden bashfulness came over him that you had never seen before. He was also so cool and collected, but you could tell just from the sound of his voice and the way he was fidgeting, tapping his fingers on your arm as he spoke that he was nervous.

You rolled over and cupped his face, searching his eyes with nothing but adoration. “Promise me then. Promise me, I’ll be the only one. Promise me, I’ll be your only one.”

“Te lo prometto. I promise you. You have my word, amata.”  

 “If you get sick this is on you. It’s so not my fault,” you jested as you poked his chest. 

His eyes lit up. “Will you take care of me if I do?” 

You swept his bangs away from his eyes. “Certo, amore.” His eyes scanned your face like he was trying to remember every single detail of it. “Okay, then I have no regrets about doing this and accept the consequences,” you added as you grabbed his face and kissed him. He deepened the kiss, turning and pulling you on top of him. You couldn’t help but giggle. This was it. You both were in it for the long haul. There was no going back now. 

You pursed your lips and rolled them together as you tore yourself away from the now painful memory. You couldn’t help but wonder, if that was the long haul then how’d you end up here so soon? 

“I do… but forgive me, what does that have to do with anything?”

He was focused on his hands in front of him as he anxiously tapped his fingers together. “Could you ever look at me again the way you did that night? Could you ever love me again?”

“Do you know how many nights I spent wondering where that Terzo had gone?” you snapped as you countered his amative question with one of your own that had been frozen in ice.

“I have always been here, tesoro,” he mumbled, avoiding your eyes again.

“Do you remember what you said to me that night? What you promised me? How you were all mine? Only mine?”

“Sì, ricordo (I remember)…” he muttered. The quietness of the room made your ears ring. With so many conflicting emotions running through your veins, the strongest made your blood begin to simmer.

“Then why? Why wasn’t I ever enough for you?” The questions flew out of your mouth before you could even debate betraying your strictly-business-like demeanor. Your voice tinged with desperation, devastation, and nostalgic longing. You wanted to hate Terzo. You wanted to. Most of the time now you did, but here he was in front of you. You sacrificed so much for him, for your relationship, you set all politics aside. Right now, you merely wanted answers to the thoughts that had kept you lying awake countless nights.  

His breath got caught in his throat. It was as if he physically reacted to your words piercing through his heart. He stared at you, mouth slightly hung open in shock at both your question and the revelation of the consequence of his actions that it brought. Suddenly, he was on his feet, gliding over to you. Your chair had been far enough away from the desk that he was able to kneel in front of you. He placed his gloved hands on your knees. 

Your jaw clenched. You saw right through what he was trying to do. Act as if it was the first time you confronted him. The first time you caught him. 

The memory flooded your senses making you relive the moment when you returned to your apartment and sat at the table, waiting for the door to open. You didn’t even bother to turn on a light. Copia had walked you back after he literally ran into you as you tried to flee from one of your worst nightmares. It had taken you an hour or so to even begin to calm down. The clock neared eleven and he still wasn’t home. 

He expected to find you already asleep, but he saw you waiting for him, still dressed, makeup ruined. The rage and hurt that radiated off you hit him like a brick wall as soon as he walked in and turned on the light. “Amore, what are you–”

“How was your day?” you asked plainly, staring at your hands folded in front of you.

“Lots of meetings,” he let out a tired sigh. 

“Your last one ran really late. Is everything okay?” 

He froze for a split second as he started to take off his gloves. He cleared his throat. “Yes, you know, just lots of red tape to sort through while the Ghost tour is being planned.” His voice became just unsteady enough to let you know he feared this was becoming an interrogation.

You nodded. “Hm, I thought that meeting was scheduled for next week.” For the first time since he returned, you looked over at him. You shrugged nonchalantly, turning away from him to look at your hands again. 

“I-it got moved up suddenly. Mi dispiace, I thought someone had told you…” he muttered, making his way to the bedroom.

��Ah, yes, I’m sure Sister Thérèse just got tied up with someone… I mean something else. I haven’t seen much of her lately, or at all really, though I’m sure you have.” You turned to see him come to a complete standstill the moment your tone darkened. Slowly, he turned to you. He opened his mouth to stutter out something, but your voice was sharp as a sword. “Don’t.”

“I can explain–”

“Oh, I’m sure you can. There just has to be a reasonable explanation as to why you were balls deep inside her in a random office. And I’m sure there’s another for why the door was left ajar. Usually I would have just kept walking, but there was this very distinctive, very familiar voice. ‘È tutto. Ragazza bene. Sì, sei la mia ragazza preferita. È tutto (That’s it. Good girl. Yes, you’re my favorite girl. That’s it),’” you did your best mocking-impression of him you could muster. “I thought ‘Hmm, I’ve heard that somewhere before. There’s no way it could be..’ Well, sure enough, peaking through that crack in the door, there you were! And now… here we are.”  You were so beyond furious that you appeared calm.

He stood there, still frozen, locked in place. You could see the fear in his eyes. If it weren’t the papal paints on his face you could have seen his color fade. When he finally was able to speak, his voice wavered, sounding close to a whimper. “Are… are you going to leave me?”

Your fists clenched and you let out a huff of air. “I’ve thought about it, but given the nature of everything, I just can’t up and leave you.” A silence hung in the air. “How the fuck did it get to this point?” Your voice cracked as you repressed the tears that started to rise to the surface.

He jolted forward, rushing to you, kneeling in front of you, taking your hands in his. “Please, please, amore. I’d– I’ll do anything for you. Amata mia. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Mi dispiace. Mi dispiace.” Sobs rippled through him as he cried at your feet. All you wanted to do was pull him up by his hair and slap him so hard across the face, it would have woken the whole floor up, then scream at him to stop crying. You knew you couldn’t do that. That wasn’t you. So you sat there, silent and stoic, your whole body tense.

After he calmed himself down slightly, his watery eyes gazed up to your towering form. “You promised me,” you breathed through your teeth out of fear that any extra movement would cause you to break down just as he had. You refused to give him the satisfaction. 

“I know. I know I did. I… I ruined everything.”

“Why, Terzo? Why did you do it?”

“I… Non lo so.” His lips barely moved as he breathed out words you didn’t care to hear.

You slammed your fist on the table, abruptly pushing yourself out of your chair, needing to get away from his touch. “When are you gonna fucking let me in, Terzo? Huh? This whole ‘us’ thing really won’t work if you don’t ever tell me what the fuck is going on!”

“I-I-I don’t know! She was just there! And– and I knew how wrong it was. I know… but I couldn’t stop. I… I was bored and–”

“You… you were… You– You were bored,” you scoffed. “So I bore you enough to go fuck a  wanna be Prime Mover whore?”

His head dropped in his hands. He moved them up through his hair which he gripped so tightly his knuckles turned white and shook his head. “That’s not what I meant,” he groaned.

“Ooh, do enlighten me then!”

“I can’t tell you why I did it, because I don’t know. Veramente (Truly), I don’t know. It’s just– Everything was going so well. Perfect almost. You were taking everything being thrown at you in stride. Your ideas for Ghost, the way you keep me on track, the way you… You were just you. Always there. Always by my side.”

“So you just had to go and fuck it up.”

His shoulders slumped, his jaw clenched. “I don’t deserve you, tesoro. I never did…”

There it was. There was the answer to the multi-million dollar question. You felt your heart shatter as he sat there in his hurt. You scurried over to him, dropping to your knees, holding his face between your hands. With a shake, you forced his dichromatic eyes to find yours. “But you do, Terzo. You do. Satan, I give you everything I have, every day, to show you that.” He turned his head away from you. Your words only made him feel like you were proving his point. “Look at me,” you commanded with another shake. “Before I came here, I didn’t have anything or anyone. I had nothing. When I found you… when you took an interest in me, the kind of person who never had the guts to stand out or be noticed, who didn’t even think they were special enough to catch anyone’s attention, never mind yours… It’s because of you I can even see myself in a different light. Don’t you think someone capable of that deserves someone just as special?”

The kindest words that were ever said to him, the most genuine words, always came from you. He loved you more than anything he could possibly imagine. He knew lately he’d done a piss poor job of proving that to you. He could see the cuts he was inflicting on you. He hated himself for it. He needed you by his side for so many reasons. He needed you to keep him in line. If you ever stopped… If he ever let himself completely lose control… If you ever left him… He couldn’t even imagine the monster he would become.

You didn’t know the depths of the internal battle he was waging on himself, you saw enough of it on his face to know his struggle was heart-wrenching. You loved him. Yes, he royally fucked up, but you still loved him. “We can work through this,” you whispered, moving yourself to intercept his blank stare.

“Will you ever trust me again?”

You winced at the memory. Everytime he came close to regaining your trust, he would do something to break it. Over and over again. 

“It was never you who wasn’t good enough, amata mia. You know that,” he purred as his satin covered hands slid up your thighs, taking your dress with them slowly. He paused as his fingers brushed your garter. He toyed with the Grucifix that dangled from it. That he had given you. He smiled affectionately at it, before his devil may care smirk returned. You wearing that wasn’t an insult to him. It was a sign of subconscious devotion. 

This was the real Terzo. You chastised yourself for falling for it, yet again. Always a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a lesson you just couldn’t seem to learn. “I am the one who was never worthy of you.” His eyes were locked onto your core. He then stood up, parting your legs by wedging himself between them. As he did so, he dragged his dual-toned irises up your body until they locked with yours. His pupils fully blown out, his breathing became heavier. His lust could only be described as animalistic.

Your words formed a lump in your throat, unable to escape.

He towered over you. His hands grazed along the sides of your entire body. He ripped off your wimple. Your face scrunched at his roughness. One hand, then, settled around your neck, squeezing it, as he put his mouth by your ear. “There is so much for you to learn. So much I have to teach you, demonino mio.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, roaring thunderously in your ears. You felt your blood go from a simmer to boiling. “I’m not your little demon,” you growled as you spat in his face. The hand on your throat swiftly moved to your chin, his grip painful enough to fear it might bruise. He forced you to look at him, to look at his knowing smirk. He knew something you were clueless about. 

“Mmm, C’è la mia ragazza (there’s my girl),” he cooed. He kept your face locked in place as he licked your spit off his face, making you watch. Your eyes burned with a ferocity you’ve never felt before. “Satanas, I’ve missed you,” he sighed.

He breathed out a laugh as he unexpectedly dropped to his knees again. Your dress had already moved up so much, nothing was hidden. He pushed your legs open wider as he dove between them, running his nose along your core, inhaling deeply.

“Terzo, stop,” you demanded, trying to squirm your way out of his hold.

“You know you don’t want me to.” He moved up slightly, so his throat was flush against you. When he spoke, it sent undeniably pleasurable shockwaves through you. 

“No. Fucking stop! No!” You tried to leap up and push him away from you, but he was stronger and faster. Easily he took your arms and pinned you to the chair, of which you were barely sitting on the edge of in your struggle. 

His eyes darkened, his head swayed back and forth as he tutted at you. “Sei stata una ragazza molto cattiva (you have been a very bad girl).” Your arms would surely bruise as he put even more of his weight onto them, further constricting his vice grip he had on you. Relentlessly you still tried to wriggle your way out of his grasp. 

Stop fighting, my child… A calming, almost sultry voice, yet somehow also one of safety, rang through your mind.

Terzo pushed his face into the crook of your neck, biting down where it met your shoulder. You cried out as you continued your attempts to writhe away from the monster in front of you. He licked the mark and dragged his tongue all the way up your neck, sucking on the sensitive spot behind your ear. The line between pain and pleasure was beginning to blur. “If you keep trying to fight me, la mia stellina oscura (my little dark star), or you so much as breathe one word of this to a certain Caridnale, he will find himself back in Italia for a very, very long time…” Your body ceased movement. His stronghold on you loosened as he descended once again. “Ora, dimmi, amore, that you don’t want this (Now, tell me, love).”

Give into temptation, my child. The voice rang out again, echoing throughout your mind like a spell to sedate your frayed nerves. You hadn’t the faintest idea why, but this time, you trusted the ethereal voice. You stopped fighting. 

Terzo returned to his spot between your legs, humming appreciatively. “Oh, guarda. I can see how much you already want this. Sporco bugiardo (You dirty liar),” he taunted as he ran his finger along the wet patch that had started to pool in your underwear, your body betraying you. While his thumb ran circles around your clit, your breath hitched involuntarily. Your eyes shut, your head turning away in shame. You couldn’t bear to actually watch this.

He teased you, dragging his finger up and down your lace-covered slit, before covering you with the palm of his hand. Now he moved his whole hand in slow, circular motion. He was satisfied when your wetness had completely soaked through your underwear. Next thing you knew, he tore them off you, tossing them over his shoulder onto the desk behind him. 

His arm wrapped around your thigh, securing it in place. You couldn’t help but let out a gasp as you felt his tongue circle your clit. His brows furrowed and he let out a sharp huff when he noticed you weren’t watching him work. With his free hand, he grabbed your chin brutishly again, forcing you to keep your eyes on him. You hated the force he was using. You hated seeing the insatiable hunger in his lustful eyes. You hated him. But that all paled in comparison to how much you hated the part of your desire that got caught in the wildfire of your rage.

Once he felt you understood his wordless message, he let go of your chin. Stubborn as ever, and with admirable restraint, you refused to let out the mewls and moans that perilously needed to, biting your cheek until a metallic taste tickled your tongue. The little control you had snapped like an old rubber band when he inserted the first finger inside you. Your hips bucked, craving more friction. The smoothness of his satin glove drove you as mad as it had countless times before. Your breaths became shallow and rapid as he pushed another finger inside you. Pawing at your sweet spot he knew as well as the back of his own hand, you now writhed from the remorseful pleasure. You didn’t even have time to register the smirk he made just before he snuck in a third finger. 

“Satanas!” you tried to hiss, but it dissolved on your tongue into a moan. Your eyes slammed shut as your head fell back. Then all movement stopped. You dragged your head up to resume the eye contact he demanded. He stayed frozen, the only movement he made was the one eyebrow he raised, his look expectant of you. You scowled, but in a moment of forgotten animosity, you reached to brush away the hair that had sloppily fallen in his face. “P-please, don’t stop. Please. I need–” that was enough for him to resume with furious intensity. 

You found purchase by running your hand through his hair, gripping it so tightly your knuckles went white. As you pushed his head into you, needing even more friction, more pressure, you could feel his fleeting smile before he resumed concentration. “Fuck! T-terz-zo, fuck!” you mewled, the pressure unbearable. You were about to unravel in his hands. “I’m go–” you started to say, but the words died in your mouth just as quickly as he stopped. 

He leered over you. He pulled you up by your wrist and grabbed you by your waist. He held you there for a moment, your body flush against his. “You are mine,” he commanded, his voice gravelly. Suddenly he turned you around, pushing you down, bending you over his desk. Your arms caught you as you fell forward. You could hear him undoing his pants and then felt his hand wipe some of your slick off to rub on his dick. A faint, breathy moan escaped his lips as he lined himself up with you. “You will always– be– mine,” he growled as he thrusted into you, punctuating each word with another hard thrust. You cried out in delirious pleasure that overrode the pain of him emphatically bottoming out inside you each time. “È tutto. Ragazza bene. Sì, sei la mia ragazza preferita. È tutto,” he moaned in your ear, repeating what you had overheard him say the first time you found him with another in this very same position.

You reached for the edge of the desk to try and brace yourself, but he pushed his fingers into your mouth, hooking into your cheek. You could taste yourself on his soaked gloves. His pace faltered just slightly as he reached for your wrist and pulled you against him. You moaned around his hand, eyes rolling back, at the slight change in position. 

Tears leaked from your eyes due to the overstimulation. You were so close, so, so close. You could feel your pending orgasm building, about ready to explode like a dying star. It had never been like this with him before. Not with Terzo, not with anyone. 

Sure, you liked it rough from time to time, but this… this was awakening something else inside you. And it was solely from the sex, it was everything surmounting together: the infidelity, the degradation both public and private, the manipulation… It felt like a caged animal, a beast, which deep down you knew had always lurked inside you just waiting to be set free, waiting for the right time to emerge from your darkest shadows. There was still guilt bubbling up inside you that longed for this to be over, but… you couldn’t deny it, and you would never admit it. This excited you; it terrified you. 

His gruff whisper pulled you back to reality, “Voglio che tu venga per me, amore mio… il mio unico vero amore. Vieni. (I want you to come for me, my love… my only true love. Come.)” 

You felt yourself erupt, crying out with the force of a hundred hell hounds as your walls pulsated around him, as the most sinful pleasure rippled through your entire body. He kept going with his relentless, starved pace. Only when he spilled himself inside you, did he let up and remove his hand from your mouth. Your cheek, sore, as you tried to adjust your jaw back to normal, tonguing where you still felt the impressions of his fingers. 

You stayed there, bent over, laying on the desk. Your bones felt as if they had been liquified. He hummed behind you, pleased with his work. Using the back of his hands, he brushed them up the inside of your legs before wiping both hands along your cunt, gathering whatever excess of fluids his gloves would lap up in one swipe. He removed his gloves, tossing them on the desk beside you. You could hear the soft splat sound they made when they landed near your discarded underwear. His bare hand slapped your ass and you jumped as the sting radiated through you. 

Tucking his dick back in his pants and buttoning them up, you could feel him looming over you. You only dragged yourself up to stand when his statue-like presence caused your skin to crawl. Your eyes turned to slits as you turned to face him.

Hooking his finger under your chin, his thumb cleaned up the corners of your mouth. His other hand wiped away the tears that stained your flushed cheeks. “I think your incident at mass can be overlooked now, sì?” he snickered. 

The attrition from what had just transpired came crashing down on you like a tsunami causing ripple effects of shame and guilt to wash over you. Suddenly, your breathing became heavy. There was a fire inside your chest that blazed hot enough to burn this entire Abbey to the ground in minutes.  

Through temptation has your wrath been spurred. For your sacrifice… you will be… rewarded, that mysterious voice whispered to you again as your body started to shake from the electricity of your fury.

“Ask me again how I could ever love you,” you snarled as you stood up to adjust your dress in a feeble attempt to cover yourself.

“Oh, dolcezza,” his honeyed croon made you want to grab him by the hair and smash his face into the desk behind you. You never knew where these violent thoughts came from, so out of pocket for you. It was gasoline being added to the flames of your wrath. Your hand twitched, almost as if you were about to do it… You were pulled out of your thoughts by his sickly sweet voice. “You have no idea of the power that you possess.” He gently caressed your face, his eyes searching you as if he could see the power he spoke of, as if he was trying to find it. When his knowing smirk shrouded his face again, you had had enough of his bullshit.

You forcefully slapped his hand away from you. You could hear the sting, “Rot in hell, figlio di puttana,” you sneered as you turned to make your exit.

“Only if you’re beside me, amata mia,” he chuckled, rubbing his hand where you hit him, getting too much enjoyment and satisfaction from your reaction. You accepted that you had no idea who the man standing in front of you was or if you ever did and that thought alone only infuriated you even more. He shut up completely when you turned around and glared at him. He could see darkness starting to cloud your eyes. He shook it off, opening his mouth when you only had one more step before you were out of this office. “Oh, amore,” he started, his tone went from casual to sinister, causing you to freeze where you stood. “I mean it, you know, you utter a single syllable of this to Copia, and he’s gone. Sei mio (you are mine).” 

Your boiling blood instantly turned to ice. You turned around painstakingly slow. Your rigid body and movements were enough to send shivers down Terzo’s spine. You couldn’t feel it. You had no idea it was happening. The fury of hell shone through your eyes as Terzo watched them fill with black smoke until your eyes turned to dark voids before him. “And I’ll make you wish that I never was.”

You watched as Terzo went slack jawed and his eyes turned into saucers from shock. The anger you felt, the wrath coursed through you like an electric current, was the only thing you cared about. Although you did revel in the fact that he looked terrified enough to cry, you were too wrapped up in your emotions to care.

“I-is that a th-threat, amore?” he stuttered, failing to keep his composure.

“It’s a fucking promise,” you growled, your voice dropping several octaves, sounding borderline inhuman. Terzo stumbled backwards, his hands reaching out behind him to clutch his desk. All you could see was red. 

You almost ripped the door off its hinges as you stormed out, leaving it open. You were barely aware of where you were storming off to or that there were two Ghouls making their way towards Terzo’s office. In the haze of your rage, you almost missed how they stopped in their tracks and kneeled the second they saw you. When “Your Eminence,” sounded in your mind from two different and distinct voices as you were a few paces in front of them, your gait slowed. Still bending at the knee, they nodded to you as you passed by. Looking down at them, your brow furrowed for a moment, never having seen this kind of behavior from any Ghoul before. You returned their gesture with a curt, singular nod. They got up to resume going to wherever they were headed and you continued on your war path. Behind you, still watching from his office doorway at the end of the hall, Terzo’s jaw was just about on the floor. He scrambled to get to his phone.

Two Sisters of Sin saw you barreling towards them. Quickly, they moved to the side, but when they saw you up close, they both let out a gasp. You shot them a look only causing them to cower. Once you passed them, they ran down the hall as if they were running for their lives. Your brow furrowed again. “What the fuck…?” you muttered to yourself.  

You didn’t have time for this. Terzo said you couldn’t tell Copia about what happened. He never said anything about Sister Imperator. When you reached her office you didn’t even bother to knock, scaring the daylights of her from the sudden burst of noise and movements. Then the color drained from her at the sight of you.

This time, you slammed the door behind you. Sister Imperator backed herself up until she hit the wall. You stood in there for a moment, your breaths coming out in short huffs, almost like pants. Your eyes looked crazed as you widened them. It was like two black holes were staring at Sister Imperator, threatening to destroy anything that got in their way. Chills ran up and down her spine. “Sister, y-your ey– uh…” she sputtered, her breathing becoming shallow. She tried to ignore the tightening feeling in her chest. She swallowed, even though her throat had gone dry. “Sister, w-what happened?”

You charged forward, slamming your hands on her desk, rattling everything on it. She winced and brought her hands up to her chest, clutching her Grucifix rosary beads that hung around her neck. A malevolent sneer etched onto your face. “Terzo happened,” you growled, although this time, it actually sounded like your own voice. 

You pushed off her desk and began pacing, slowly, deliberating, as if you were trying to both calm down and calculate something. When you gathered your thoughts and paused, turning to directly face the panicked clergy member, your words sounded nothing less than a warning. 

“Imperator, I don’t know what game you and Copia and Lucifer knows who else are playing with Terzo… and I don’t exactly know my role in it,” you clenched your jaw, speaking through your teeth, “since no one cares to divulge that information.” You took a deep breath and regained composure as you feigned innocence. “I only care about how it ends. Do you know how it will end, Sister?” Her mouth hung agape. Any sound that tried to escape was nowhere to be found. She could only shake her head in response. You leaned forward onto the desk again, you slowly pulled your chin in, but you kept your gaze locked on hers, your eyes now almost looking up at her. A smile wider than a cheshire cat’s grew on your face. If Sister Imperator didn’t believe in evil, she certainly did now. “It’s going to end with his head on my altar.”

taglist: @da-rulah @fishwithtitz @ivycasket @water-ghoulette (drop a comment if you'd like to be added!)

part iii | part v

[antifictionsfiction]

Worth the Free Admission - Part 5/6

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / AO3

Fandom: Children’s Theater Critic with Alfred Molina

Pairing: Arthur H. Cartwright x gn!reader

Rating: T

Chapter summary: An awkward morning confirms to you things haven't changed as much as you'd hoped and pushes you to act. Arthur is faced with a situation that he can't back out of anymore.

Warnings/tags: age difference, insecurity, mutual pining, tension (getting somewhat resolved?), personal growth

Additional info: reader is mentioned to be wearing some more masc clothes in one scene, but no gendered pronouns, terms or descriptors are used for them

Chapter word count: 3603

A/N: It's been a long long time, but I want to say a huge thank you to @scorsesedepalmafan for constantly cheering me on (and letting me use one of his gifs again💙) and to @francis-ford-kofola for her support ☺️ And of course, thanks to everybody who's been waiting for me to finish this, I hope you enjoy! And stay tuned for Part 6 ★

“Ah, you slept in.” Those were the words Arthur greeted you with. You had stumbled upon him on your way to the bathroom, hunched over the desk in his study. He was fully dressed, wearing a tweed jacket and from the looks of it, he had been up and working for quite some time now. 

“Well, it was a late night yesterday,” you said, somewhat defensive. Letting him see you only in a T-shirt and a pair of comfy boxers wasn’t something you thought you would be self-conscious about, especially not after last night, but the contrast with his fully professional getup was making you feel underdressed even though it was no later than nine.  

“Yes,” he looked away for a second, his voice coming out uncertain, “I woke up early, that’s all. I couldn’t go back to sleep.” 

“I’m sorry I kept you up.”

“No you didn’t, it was just… back pain.” As if to emphasize his words, he shifted in his chair, straightening up and pushing his shoulders back. 

“Oh, I didn’t know you were struggling with that. I’m sorry.” You were getting anxious just watching Arthur visibly avoid holding eye contact with you.

“I usually don't. I just didn’t sleep in the best position.” 

You would pay to see what was going on inside his overthinking brain at that moment. He was already regretting the somewhat intimate way you’d ended the evening with, you had no other theory. The behavior you were witnessing seemed way too skittish even by his standards. Unlike last night though, something about him felt different, as if he was ashamed or guilty instead of frightened. But it was you who instigated (or tried to, anyway) anything yesterday, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?

“Arthur, if you’re worried about what happened yesterday- I didn’t think anything of it. We were both feeling out of our depths, and I appreciated the gesture. I know you were just trying to comfort me and that’s all it was, right?” The words felt heavy on your tongue, of course you did make assumptions about the way he bashfully suggested to read to you, or the way he let you, let’s face it, full on cuddle him while he was lying next to you and reading. It didn’t bring you any pleasure to lie, but at that point, you were just trying to say whatever would make him act calmer about the whole situation. Whatever would bring the relationship you’d been building for months now back to the way it was before this unfortunate domino effect of repressed feelings.

“Oh.” The way he looked at you, his eyes wide and slightly magnified by his glasses, reminded you of a very large, frightened owl. He pulled said glasses off his face, gripping them in a nervous gesture before speaking again. 

“Of- of course not. I just assumed, for a second, when you said you… But of course you didn’t mean- I should’ve watched myself better, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I- I’m so much older than you and you are- I’ve been reading people and situations wrong my entire life,” the words tumbled out of his mouth in half-finished sentences, his voice unsteady. This was the least eloquent you had ever seen Arthur, and in turn, it left you speechless too. 

You didn’t know what to say and you didn’t really want to keep talking either. You had both been clearly locked inside your heads and unsure how to act, but seeing Arthur struggle to this extent to just describe how he felt made something snap in you. You crossed the room that had been separating you from him, not thinking anymore. You didn’t wait for him to blurt out another badly constructed sentence as you stood directly in front of him. You didn’t have to bend down much as he was quite tall even sitting down - one hand placed on his tweed-covered shoulder, you leaned in and kissed him. 

The kiss wasn’t long nor deep, not to begin with. You pulled back after a couple seconds, giving Arthur an opportunity to push you away. The situation had gotten so complicated you weren’t completely sure, but you were willing to take the risk rather than keep maneuvering around the subject. Arthur’s response came in the form of a faint whisper of your name and a warm hand brushing against your cheek, pulling you closer again. 

The way his lips touched yours felt hesitant, trembling. Not wanting to rush him, you returned the butterfly-like touch with gentle patience, silently reassuring Arthur that he wasn’t doing anything wrong, he couldn’t. To your surprise, it was him who took the next step, opening his lips slightly and deepening the kiss. A subtle taste of toothpaste lingered on your tongue when you broke apart. 

Arthur’s hand slipped from your cheek, reaching for the hand that was still resting on his shoulder instead. 

“I’m so confused,” he said, his breathing still coming out heavier than usual. 

“I really think we should talk, Arthur.” You hadn’t really stepped away from him yet, your legs softly pressed against his knees. 

“I agree, it’s just-” he sighed, putting his glasses back on, probably out of habit, “I need to think everything through first. I can’t give you any… well, answers right now. I’m sorry.” He patted your hand before letting go of it. You took the hint, finally taking a step back. 

Your heart felt like an anchor in your chest, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. He had just kissed you, and no, his words didn’t immediately suggest a rejection. But a part of you was hoping the kiss would untie his tongue, so to speak, and allow the jumbled emotions to run free after all these weeks of circling around the unspoken core of your not quite unrequited affection for him. Couldn’t you just wait a little longer after having survived this whole time? You certainly could, and you were going to give him all the space he needed to get his thoughts and emotions in order. But it hurt, being denied the chance to finally know for sure where you were at with him, to decide the next step in your relationship.

“I understand,” you gave a slow nod, trying to prevent the deep disappointment from coming through in your tone, “and I don’t expect you to give me a definite answer right now. I don’t even know what that should be. Just, please, whatever your thoughts are, whatever you feel, know you can tell me anything. You can be open, no matter how hard it is. Just don’t let it distance us from each other, because… I love working with you and being around you, whatever that might look like.” Despite your best efforts to keep your emotions at bay, you felt held back tears burning in the corners of your eyes. Arthur must have noticed, as the tension in his expression softened. 

“I won’t, I promise. I’d never want that to happen. Not again.” 

Oh Arthur, there’s so much you have yet to share with me, you thought. You weren’t about to push though, not when he was already making such an effort to handle the situation head-on, rather than finding a way to wiggle out and avoid it again.

“Thank you,” you paused, trying to come up with the least painful end to the conversation now that there apparently wasn’t anything else to be said. There was only one that you could think off:

“Look, I think I need some time to process this too, so I guess I’ll just head home. I can take the bus or-”

“I’ll drive you,” Arthur said firmly, getting up from his chair. The resolution was a pleasant surprise to you, you expected him to jump at the offer of some immediate alone time instead.

“Oh okay, thank you. I’ll just get changed and then we can get going.”

“Wait. Let me at least get you something for breakfast first. And a coffee. That’s the least I can do.” Something about the way he said it made you feel like this was his attempt to make it up to you, and you accepted it gratefully. There was no point in running away from anything anymore. 

—

You hadn’t heard much from Arthur since the day he drove you back home. Not that the conversation during that drive had seemed unnatural or awkward in any way, on the contrary. And you had to keep reminding yourself Arthur was a man of a different generation, and so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that he wasn’t an avid texter. Still, he had promised he would have a serious conversation with you about the future of your relationship with him, however that was going to turn out, and he hadn’t mentioned it since. Except for a few texts and one phone call, all related to the play, you hadn’t really gotten or found a chance to talk to him in a more personal setting until the next week’s rehearsal.

The greeting was warm and you could sense that something had shifted in the way you were interacting or perhaps in tune with one another, but fragile uncertainty was still hanging heavy in the air between you. You didn’t really have the space to explore the feeling further however, since you had almost run late thanks to an unreasonably upset parent storming into your office after your regular classes earlier. After such an encounter, you barely had any energy left for two hours of extracurricular activities, but there was no way you were going to cancel the rehearsal, for a multitude of reasons. All you had to do was hang on for a little while longer, hopefully with Arthur’s help.

“Ollie, please, I need you to focus. What Luna just said, that was your line, remember?” You had lost count of how many times Ollie (and not only him) had forgotten a line or zoned out during this week’s rehearsal. And to think the performance was scheduled for just over a month from now - you knew you couldn’t afford to lose a single precious second of the limited rehearsal time that you had each week. Which naturally posed a challenge, since getting the kids to pay full attention to the play for two hours straight was proving to be an almost impossible task. 

“I’m sorry. I just don’t like how Arthur’s looking at me,” mumbled Ollie. You sighed. Even though the relationship between the children and Arthur had improved significantly, there were still moments when he couldn’t hold his comments at bay, and of course the children had never truly forgotten their first encounter with him. You turned to Arthur with a tired look, which was met with an almost guilty expression on his side. 

“I was just lost in thought, Ollie. You’re doing fine, just make sure you don’t let your cues run away from you,” he said and you noted the clear shift in how he was trying to match his tone and vocabulary to the setting, even if not perfectly. You gave him an approving smile. 

“What is ‘cues’?” asked Ollie. You didn’t mind actually explaining the word this time, deciding it could be useful for them to know, unlike some other expressions that Arthur was still prone to using from time to time.

“A cue is something you have to pay attention to so that you know when to say or do something on stage. So for example, you were supposed to say what?” 

“Uh… Is this your ship?” Ollie had to think for a second, but he ended up getting it right. You nodded.

“Exactly. And so, what is your cue? What reminds you that you need to say this?”

Ollie was silent for a while, struggling to remember the sequence of the scene. Two little hands shot up, Emily and Luna both trying to answer for him.

“Let’s give Ollie a chance to answer first, okay?” 

“Oh I know!” Ollie beamed, “My uh…”

“Cue?” you suggested. 

“My cue is when we come on stage and the ship appears!” 

“Exactly, great job,” you praised him, “So, this is for everyone, okay? Always remember what comes before it’s your turn to act. Then you won’t forget anything. You’re a team so pay attention to each other.” 

Some of the kids nodded, but most of all Ollie, proud of his little achievement. You checked the time, realizing you’d probably pushed them enough for now.

“Alright, it’s time for a break. Grab your snacks and don’t forget to drink plenty of water. We’ll try this new rule out in 10 minutes,” you said, loud enough for everyone to hear even through all the cheerful noise at the first mention of a break. 

As everybody ran towards their little backpacks to retrieve their snacks, you sank into a chair next to Arthur’s, maybe just as excited for the break as the children. 

“I’m sorry, I forgot to watch myself there,” Arthur said, his voice quiet and almost sad. You touched his arm for a second, a very subtle gesture that wouldn’t make the kids question anything even if they saw it. 

“No, it was okay, don’t worry about it. You’ve clearly been working hard on how you act around them, don’t think I didn’t notice. And at least I got to teach them a new word,” you smiled.

“That’s true, it was a necessary lesson, I suppose.”

“Maybe next time you can try to explain something to them yourself though.” It was only a suggestion, but the truth was you wanted to challenge Arthur just a little further, not only to get some more help from him, but to prove to him that he was capable of much more than he limited himself to. Even in just a couple months of attending the rehearsals, he’d managed to co-write the script with you, learn how to talk to kids and give them many creative prompts. You knew for a fact that with some practice, he could find his way back to theater in more ways than just as a spectator and a critic. 

“I could do that,” he nodded, seeming grateful that you would trust him with it. But that wasn’t the end of your request. 

“Well, I wanted to ask one more thing of you, actually. Let’s be honest, you pretty much wrote this scene yourself. And you had some really helpful notes for the staging. So why don’t you take over for the rest of the rehearsal today?”

Arthur stared at you as though you just suggested something unthinkable. His eyes traveled to the group of kids sitting on the floor and snacking or showing off their newest toys, and then back to you.

“You mean direct them? I couldn’t, no,” he said, quick and resolute. 

“Why not? You’ve been watching me do it for months. You even participated, multiple times. I fully believe you can do it, Arthur. And it would mean a lot to me if you at least tried. I’ll be right here, I’ll help you out if you don’t know how to approach something. I’ll even give you a cut of my pay if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“Oh please,” Arthur scoffed, “you know it’s not about that in the slightest. I’m happy to help in any way I can, I just don’t know why you’d even want me to interfere with your work like this. I know it might be hard to believe after everything I said after that first performance, but seeing you work with them- you’re an excellent director. You know just what to say to set their imaginations soaring, I can’t do that.” 

Your hand found his discretely again. He looked down, a slight flush creeping up into his cheeks.

“Here you are underestimating yourself again. Remember what you told me about learning? This is the perfect opportunity for you to learn. Not just how to do things, but what you already can do, even if you keep telling yourself otherwise. Please, Arthur.” You made sure to hold eye contact the whole time, and even though you could tell a part of him wanted to avoid it, he couldn’t look away. 

“You’re not playing fair, you know that? I can’t believe you’re making me even consider-”

A shrill scream interrupted Arthur’s sentence, making you promptly let go of his hand and walk towards the source of the sound, which turned out to be Lexi. 

“What’s going on here? Lexi?” you asked, a worried edge to your voice.

“Nothing,” said Andy, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“Not nothing!” protested Lexi, “Andy ate my cookie. I already gave one to Emily and Erin, and this was my last one,” she sniffled. 

“Andy, why did you do that?” you asked, trying to keep up a balance between stern and gentle tone, but your nerves were starting to fail you. This was the last thing you wanted to be dealing with at that point. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Andy still carried on with his nonchalant facade. Kids this young shouldn’t find lying this effortless, you thought. 

“Alright, did any of you see who took Lexi’s cookie?” you tried another approach, realizing you couldn’t exactly solve the situation unless you got a direct confirmation that Andy was indeed the thief, even if you had no reason to believe otherwise. The reply you got was a disappointing mix of “no” and “I don’t know”. You let out a heavy sigh, your exhaustion catching up to you. 

“I didn’t think you were capable of lying, Andy.” Hearing Arthur’s voice right behind you startled you at first, but the surprise was soon replaced by a wave of relief. You had to hold back a chuckle at how strict his eyes appeared through his glasses. You hadn’t seen that look in a while. 

“I’m telling the truth,” Andy tried again, but this time his act faltered. Even if Arthur wasn’t intimidating through his reputation alone, his impressive height was definitely commanding respect, especially in a six-year-old’s eyes.

“Are you now?” Arthur didn’t have to say or do anything else, the mere tone of his voice (which was surprisingly still very level) combined with his overall presence was enough to crack the tiny thief, who was suddenly blushing and looking directly to the ground.

“Alright, it was me,” he said, almost too quiet to hear. 

“Excuse me, what was that?” asked Arthur, a barely noticeable smile on his lips.

“I ate it, okay? I’m sorry, Lexi,” said Andy, louder this time, but still refusing to meet anybody’s eye. 

“It’s alright… If you give me some of your candy.” Lexi looked much more cheerful already, confidently presenting her conditions to him. 

“That’s a good idea, what do you say Andy?” Arthur turned to the boy, who agreed and reached for his bag of gummies immediately. He let Lexi pull out a whole handful of candy and Arthur nodded in approval. 

“And now there’s just one more person you should apologize to.” Andy looked up at him with a puzzled expression, while Arthur gestured towards you. 

“Your teacher perhaps? For lying like this?” 

Andy’s cheeks heated up again, as he stood up and brought you the bag of candy. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t lie again,” he said, his eyes pleading with you to forgive him. You took a watermelon-shaped gummy candy and thanked him for the apology, relieved the conflict had been solved quickly and painlessly. You were impressed by how well Arthur had handled the situation, showing as clear as day how wrong he was in his perception of himself yet again. 

“Good, good. Oh thank you Andy,” Arthur also accepted a candy from the (now almost empty) packet, “And the rest of you, I believe you’ve had more than enough time for your snacks, haven’t you?” Apart from a few objections here and there, most kids agreed with him. 

“Your teacher deserves a break after all this mischief, so I’ll rehearse this scene with you,” he added, shooting you a quick look and a smile, silently confirming to you what you had been hoping he would decide to do. You mouthed a “thank you”, your affection for him bubbling up in your chest, stronger than it had ever been.

You sat down in the spot that was usually his, watching as he ushered the children back to the little stage, and with a script in hand, started going over the scene you had left unfinished before the break. You could tell he was nervous, and it seemed as though he turned back to look at you, searching for support or approval, almost every couple minutes. You had no reason to blame him for that though: after all, knowing him the way you did at that point, you knew what he must have been going through in order to push himself to do this. And you couldn’t be prouder of him in that moment. Every one of his interactions with the children you observed during that rehearsal was just another proof of how much work he had put into this, into himself. It all had come from inside him of course, otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten anywhere - but the thought that you had been there for the journey from the very start, that you might have even facilitated it in a way, made your heart feel like it was growing impossibly large in the confines of your ribcage. You had to come clean to yourself, you were in love with him.

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You, Part 14 (Polin, Rated R)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that’s more your jam

GIF credit: @maxanor

Penelope tugged at the fabric of her dress, feeling her insides coil with tension. It was a dark, gloomy day with occasional bursts of rain peppering the city, reflecting the somber mood that she was in. Hyde Park was nearly empty, not unexpected considering the weather, providing the perfect location for a rendezvous. Earlier today Arthur had sent word through a messenger asking to see her, and she had given instructions for him to meet her at the park. With Martha following behind, she circled the Serpentine for a second time, scanning the grounds for him. A few minutes later she spotted him approaching, and her feet suddenly felt heavy as lead.

Arthur Debling was a handsome man with thick blond hair and a neatly trimmed beard that enhanced his distinguished appearance. A decade older than her, it was his maturity and wry sense of humor that attracted her to him. She was used to being not noticed, even deliberately ignored by the ton, yet he had been the one to seek her out and initiate a conversation in Ayleshire. Awkward at first, she slowly grew comfortable around him and their friendship deepened over time, finally leading to the night they kissed.

“Good day, Penny.”

His smile was warm and friendly, eyes radiating an effusive energy that normally would have put her at ease right away. But today his warmth felt like a loaded burden to bear, knowing how she was going to shatter it soon.  “How are you, Arthur?”

“It’s been too long. I missed you.”

“I missed you as well.”

“You look more beautiful than I remember.”

Guilt flushed through her. “How is your mother? I hope she made a fast recovery from her illness.”

“She did, thankfully. I think it helped when I told her about you. She’s quite excited to meet you.”

“I’m happy to hear she’s in good spirits.”

“And you? How are you?”

She gave him a perfunctory smile. “Have you been well? You mentioned in your letters the expansion has kept you busy?”

“Yes, the bank has been flourishing.” He peered at her closely. “Your last few letters were sparse in details. I am unsure if I even received all of them.”

Her stomach tightened. “Shall we walk? We have much to discuss.”

When he offered her his arm, she hesitated for a moment before looping her own through his. The ground was wet and muddy from the rain earlier, making it difficult for her to keep up with his pace. Arthur possessed a quick gait, and it wasn’t unusual for her to be out of breath during their vigorous walks. In the past all she had to do was bring it to his attention and he would slow down, but today she found herself irritated by the thought. He could clearly see that she was struggling, so why didn’t he simply adjust his speed without being prompted? “Could we slow the pace, Arthur?”

“Yes, of course.”

His sweet tone evoked waves of guilt, and she chastised herself for being unkind. As she paced her breath, she mentally prepared to initiate the difficult conversation. Under normal circumstances she would have preferred to do this in private, but she had given Colin her word she wouldn’t meet Arthur alone.

“I hope your return to society was acceptable. I remember how much you were dreading it when we were at Ayleshire.”

“It has been bearable, I suppose. That is the best I can hope for.”

“And you have not yet reconciled with Miss Bridgerton?

Images of Eloise and Cressida flashed through her mind. She still didn’t know how to feel about them, only that her heart yearned for how alone and confused Eloise must have felt. “I have not.”

“The newest Whistledown sheet found its way to me. It was very enjoyable.”

A small smile escaped her lips. “Was it?”

“You certainly have a way with words, Penny. The crowd at the tavern last night were happy to regale me with past Whistledown gossip. They hold your work in high regard.”

During their months together she and Arthur had talked much about her nom de plume, her writing process, how she had built a network of people who provided her with information that she normally wouldn’t be privy to. It was exhilarating to be able to claim the work she did and be proud of it, and Arthur had reveled in her accomplishments alongside her. It broke her heart to acknowledge she could never be as fully honest with Colin. If he found out the truth it would be the end of Whistledown, and she would be forced to cut out a cherished part of herself.

“Is everything alright, Penelope?” He cast her a concerned gaze. “You are very reserved today.”

“There is something of import I must speak to you about.”

“Yes, you mentioned that in the last letter I received.”

Her throat felt dry, her hands clammy with sweat.

“Perhaps we should go somewhere more private?” he suggested. “We also need to discuss when I should call upon your mother.”

She stopped in her tracks, forcing him to do the same next to her. As much as she wanted to be gentle, there was no softening the truth. She had to be honest with him. “I kissed Colin.”

Immediately he released her arm, taking a step back.

It felt as if the world had come to a stop, everything but Arthur disappearing from her line of sight. His face revealed a spectrum of emotions, from confusion to hurt. He didn’t look at her, probably because he couldn’t bear to. In the months they had spent together, she had never seen him angry. Frustrated, yes, mostly because of strenuous business endeavors but there was no occasion where he’d been furious. But that was the expression he wore now, appearing more and more agitated as the minutes ticked by. He had every right to feel that way, she reminded herself, after how she betrayed him.

For a long time there was only silence, before he finally spoke again. “When did it happen? How many times?”

Penelope owed him the truth but she couldn’t bring herself to share the details. Not only would it hurt him but it simply felt wrong to expose that part of her and Colin with someone else. “I don’t think-”

“Answer me!”

“More than once. That is all I can say.”

“How could you do this to me? After everything you and I have meant to each other? After the future I planned for us?” The contempt in his voice made her ashamed to even breathe. “You agreed to marry me, Penny. How could you betray me like that?

It was difficult to speak. “I did not mean to, Arthur. I never wanted to hurt you-”

“But you did, and you did it with a despicable cad who humiliated you. Was it worth it? Was he worth jeopardizing our future together?”

Arthur’s heated gaze bore into her and she quickly glanced down, unable to stand the crushing hatred on his face.

“Perhaps I was a fool for not seeing you for who you truly are. If you could be intimate with me before marriage, of course you would be a lightskirt with others.”

His words were sharp and cutting, slicing her very soul. She stood frozen in place. No one had hurled such derogatory words at her before, yet there was nothing she could say to defend herself against his accusations.

“I never want to see you again,” he said coldly before storming away.

He left her standing there, spiraling in self-disgust.

***

“Miss, are you alright? You are very pale,” Martha inquired, staring at her with concern.

Penelope nodded, remaining silent. Thus far she had managed not to break down in the carriage ride home, holding herself together through sheer resolve. However her insides were churning, flooded with much guilt and sadness. She couldn’t forget Arthur’s contempt towards her or his vitriolic words, which grew more insidious the more she pondered them. Society did not approve of loose women but she had never thought of herself as one. Up until she met Arthur she couldn’t even imagine anyone desiring her let alone that she would be intimate with anyone before marriage. But she had thought Arthur would be her only chance at passion and she didn’t want to lose that opportunity, so she had laid with him only to be taken by surprise a few days later when he proposed to her.

Suddenly a dreadful thought dawned upon her. If Arthur thought of her as a harlot, was it not possible that Colin also felt the same deep down? Gentlemen wanted their brides to be pure and innocent, virginal, and she was no longer that. So why did Colin want to marry her? What did she have to offer him? If he was pursuing her because he was caught up in lust, wasn’t it only a matter of time before he snapped out of it? Would he resent her after?

“Miss, we’ve arrived.”

Martha’s words brought her out of her reverie and she exited the carriage, walking up the stairwell. Mister Thomas opened the door and Penelope slid past him, absently removing her cloak.

“Mister Colin Bridgerton arrived a few minutes earlier. He’s here to call on Lady Featherington.”

Penelope paused. Her brain went into a tailspin trying to process Colin’s presence, why he wanted to talk to her Mama. Arthur’s hateful words.

“I did let him know she was not here, but Mister Bridgerton insisted on waiting for her to return. He’s in the drawing room.”

“Thank you.”

“Would you like to go upstairs and rest?” Martha asked.

“No, it’s alright. I’ll see Colin now.”

“Do you require a chaperone?” Mister Thomas inquired.

Penelope shook her head ‘no’, already approaching the door to the drawing room. “We will be fine. Thank you.”

Colin was standing by the window that faced the Bridgerton home, looking out while he sipped on a cup of tea. As soon as she closed the door and he turned to face her, her numbness evaporated. All the remorse and sorrow triggered by Arthur came rushing back like a tidal wave, cruel and vicious, devastating her even though he had every right to despise her.

“Pen?” Colin’s blue eyes regarded her with concern, growing darker by the second. “What’s wrong?”

She fell to her knees, breaking into tears.

He stormed over immediately, throwing himself on the ground next to her and cradling her in his arms. “What happened, Pen? What did he do?”

Shame flooded over her, her body wracked with tears.

Panic saturated Colin’s voice. “Did he hurt you?”

“I hurt him. I didn’t want to but I did…so badly… I don’t know how to fix it… how to make things right with him again…” She clung to him, sobbing as she fisted his jacket. “He despises me…”

His voice was strained, his hands soothing whilst he embraced her. “He needed to hear the truth, Pen.”

“Did he?” She pulled back to look at him. The suffering on Colin’s face reflected her own turmoil, as if he was experiencing the same emotions she was. “I could have been kinder. I could have given him some other reason to break the engagement-”

“Then he would still carry hope that you two would reconcile one day.” Colin shook his head ‘no’. “And that will never happen. Because you do not love him. You love me, Penelope.” His words tilted up, filled with hesitation. “That is still true, is it not?”

Her insides hurt, seeing how afraid he was. She reached out to cradle his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “Colin-”

“Do you regret choosing me?” His eyes were wet with unshed tears. The fear in his voice was palpable as his voice grew more erratic. “Pen, you can not. You may think he will make you happy but it would be nothing compared to the happiness I can give you, the pleasure I can make you feel.” Taking her hand, he pressed it against his heart. “Do not give up on me, Penelope. Please.”

“I have not. I will not,” she reassured him. “You are who I want, who I love. But… “

“But what, Pen?”

She looked away, flush with trepidation. “Do you see me as…?” The lump in her throat was painful to swallow. “Debauched?”

It took her by surprise when he moved to stand up, pulling her to follow suit. Bent forward, he grasped her face and forced her to meet his gaze. “Why would you think that?”

“Because Arthur…” She shook her head, refusing to repeat his words. “Gentlemen want their wives to be untouched.” Her lips quivered. “And you know I am not that.”

The abrupt change on his face was startling as a dark expression settled over him, his jaw clenched. “I do not care what other gentlemen want. The only thing that matters is you, that you are with me, you are mine. We both have been with others but that is in the past and that is where they will remain.” His eyes darkened whilst he pored over her face. “I will be the last man you touch. You kiss.” His thumb stroked over her bottom lip. “You fuck,” he murmured, his breath humming against her skin.

“And I will be your last,” she reminded him possessively, smoothing her hands up his chest.

His lips swiped the tears from her face, slowly, languidly. “Yes.”

A jolt of current ran down her spine, taking in his seductive focus on her bosom. It wasn’t that he simply admired her with his gaze. No, it was because he devoured her, his intensity heightening every nerve in her body, making her feel alive and bold and wanton. Clarity dawned upon her, bringing with it the realization she didn’t care what Arthur thought. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was a woman of loose morals, but what she felt for Colin was potent enough to push aside her doubts and give into temptation. It was the idea of not being with him that filled her with remorse rather than the opposite. “Will you come to my bedchamber tonight?”

He stilled immediately. “If I do, I will not be able to restrain myself.” The ache in his voice was greedy and demanding. “We will make love, over and over. I will spill my seed inside you. On you. On your beautiful breasts. I will mark you in every way so that you never have any doubt that you belong to me again.” The blue pools of his eyes darkened to a shade she had never seen before, holding her spellbound. “That is what will happen if I come to you. Is that what you want?”

Although they had come close to making love before, she had pulled away because of Arthur. But now there was nothing holding her back and she wanted to be with Colin. Her heart pounded in her chest. She was breathless with anticipation. “Yes.”

He raised her hand to his lips, leaving a kiss on her skin. “Then nothing will stop me from visiting you tonight,” he said with a charming smile that made butterflies flutter in her stomach. Just as suddenly the smile dissipated, his mouth closing over hers in a possessive kiss, ravishing her. She returned the kiss with equal fervor, lacing her hands through his hair, tugging on the strands when his lips trailed down her neck hungrily-

“Penelope!”

She immediately pulled away upon recognizing her mother’s scandalized voice. Standing at the door was Portia, her cheeks pink with embarrassment, eyes widened with shock.

“Mister Bridgerton, what is the meaning of this?” Portia screeched. “You have absolutely ruined my poor daughter! I insist you-”

“Pen has already agreed to marry me,” Colin replied calmly, not even a little flustered at being caught in such a compromising position. His attention remained on Penelope, lovingly tucking a loose curl behind her ear. “Rest assured, I will ask Anthony to procure a special license for us.”

It was a rare occasion that rendered her mama speechless, but that’s exactly what Portia was. Her eyes drifted between Penelope and Colin, her mouth agape with incredulity.

Ignoring her mother, Colin kissed her hand again. “I’m afraid I must take my leave now, there is an appointment I must attend to. I will see you… soon?” His eyes twinkled with wicked delight, reminding her of their plans to meet later tonight.

“Mister Bridgerton!” Her voice back, Portia started pacing the room. “You can not simply leave like this. There are things we must discuss.”

Colin walked to the door. “Mother and I shall call upon you tomorrow to discuss the arrangements. Have a good day, Lady Featherington.”

Penelope smiled, watching after him while he sauntered out of the room.

“How long has this been going on? Why did you not tell me about you and him?”

Penelope knew there was no point in answering. Anything she said would only trigger more queries from her mother and she was not in the mood to cope with them. “I am tired, Mama. I will speak to you later.” Ignoring her, Penelope walked away.  

***

Colin wondered if there was something wrong with him. Arthur Debling was groaning with pain on the floor and Colin did not feel any guilt for putting him in that position.  Before storming into Arthur’s room at the inn, Colin had been bursting with rage and ready to explode. Penelope might have hesitated to reveal the truth, but it quickly became clear to him that Debling had lashed out at her. Colin was determined not to let anyone—anyone—hurt Penelope. “You made Penelope cry, and that’s something I can’t forgive.”

His foot stomped down on Arthur’s arm, breaking it no doubt.

Immediately a sense of calm flowed through him, the anger in him finally subsiding. With the back of his hand he swiped the blood from his bruised lip. Arthur had landed a few punches on him initially, but in the end Colin took him down without exerting much effort.

He ran his fingers through his hair to fix it before reaching for his jacket. Slipping it on, Colin exited Debling’s room.

A/N - Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Next chapter will be from Colin's POV :)

@cringycat24, @josephine-waters

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S02E14 - Tunnel Vision

We reached Tunnel Vision! Yes!

Filming an indie in an abandoned and dangerous mine. What could possibly go wrong?

Why? It's dark, muddy, cold... I really don't see why.

Oh, I forgot Sarah was annoyed to be working that case.

"And I took that personally."

Rex too, actually. He was like, "Sarah doesn't want to be with us?"

"You're not supposed to be friends with the talent when you're a PA". In this indie non-union production? Give me a break.

"I'm devastated about the murder. How soon can we continue filming?" Producers.

Oh, Jesse.

Rex: Oh, I'm sorry, were you supposed to be scary?

Last episode we uncovered how many crooked cops? And you refuse to believe that the SJPD is capable of leaking information to the press?

Jesse the drama queen.

"According to the legend's curse, we have 24 hours to live". First of all, what is this Walmart The Ring? Second, why would the curse extend to you?

Charlie: Don't tell me it was Caleb. Sarah: Ghosts don't typically leave prints. It's one of the perks of the afterlife.

"Antiques on wheels". Oh no lol. To be fair, and I don't know if anyone does this in other countries, but in Greece you will often come up on on-the-road junk dealers willing to help you part with your old stuff and load them in their truck to maybe find something useful later or just to sell them for scraps. They drive through neighborhoods announcing themselves on their bullhorn. I definitely can't call them antique dealers, though, because more often than not they'll leave with some old washing machine that someone couldn't bother to handle themselves rather than antiques. It's mostly junk.

"A lot of tunnels in this place. You go down the wrong one, I might never see you again". I'd worry about myself, Charlie. Rex has a giant nose to get himself out of that place.

Foreshadowing. Sorry, Charlie, but you'll have to get used to tight spaces.

"I hate mushrooms. They ruin pizza. And smurfs live in them". First of all, how dare you? Mushrooms make pizza awesome.

Jesse, come on.

Like any dog, Rex's ears are fine-tuned to recognize the word "walk" immediately.

Aw, Sarah chuckling as she sees Charlie putting the luminescent shoulder collar (I'm just spouting words at this point, I have not idea what it's called) on Rex. You cannot tell me that Charlie's care of Rex had not been one of the reasons she fell in love with him.

He truly is so caring with Rex, though.

Where are they getting this? I haven't found anything to support this.

We have established that we shouldn't yell in the mine and yet Rex is barking and Charlie is yelling at the suspect. And then Ian is yelling and Nell is yelling... I mean, do all y'all wish to die inside this mine?

The collapse scene and the scene with the cave-in afterwards are adequate. Especially since they don't have a major production's budget. Also, the ensuing whump is good.

Of course no one knows they're there. Why? Because they didn't learn from getting stuck in the freezer.

Why does Rex look like he wants to say hell no lol

The text was a smart idea.

I don't envy those who had to make gifs with that near darkness.

Rex while trying to make it through all the mud and debris: I hate it here.

Ian passed out. Good for us.

Translation: Who the fuck cares about him. I want you to live.

Hands. Also, his hand is huge???

Meanwhile, Jesse is reading about fictional people dying while ignoring his phone that could tell him that his ACTUAL FRIENDS ARE DYING!

Stop deflecting with humor. She's opening her heart. Also, I'm pretty sure it's "I'm happy here".

He called her Truong. I don't know why I liked that. It's one of the things that bother me in cop shows, when they barely say each other's first names.

"I just want you to know... I love working with you". Okay, and what else? "And Rex". And what else? Agh, why did you stop?

"I'm glad. Because you're going to be stuck with us for a long time". Normally, I'd be annoyed that an important conversation finally happened and it was in the dark in a collapsed mine but the drama!

Jesse: *finally reads Charlie's text* Oh my god, they're trapped AGAIN!

Can we do this again now??? Pretty please???

Rex: Oh no, I have to go back in there?

Charlie woke up immediately when he heard Rex lol

I know they probably ran out of budget and couldn't show how they dug out Charlie and Sarah.

And we have a murderer to unmask still.

Nice trick, pitting the couple against each other.

This is one of the many times that Charlie has been through a traumatic event and he just brushes it off. Just saying, in case any writers are listening and want to explore this on screen. (They're not. It's fine.)

Well, that was good. Also, if you didn't ship them after Over Ice, you'll surely ship them after this one.

[utterlyhooked]

I had to sleep on it and I have calmed down a bit. Till The End Of The Moon hooked me from the very first episode which is very rare. Even my favourites took a while, The Untamed took 21 episodes for me to get really into it. Love Between Fairy and Devil took around 18-20 episode mark for me to care. I really loved them afterwards!

You are probably wondering, what does the GIF above have to do with what I have to say. Well, it’s simply there to remind me why I love this drama because I still do but I am heartbroken about how the ending was handled. My thoughts are everywhere, so, I’m sorry if it’s incoherent.

The takeaway from this drama is tribulation, one after the other. Just suffering, suffering, more suffering, and martyring yourself to an ungratelful populace in every realm and only acknowledged by a handful. Yes, a handful, or maybe the Yiyue Tribe would add to that number but, we don’t know because Nian Baiyu was just flung into the Barren Abyss never to be heard from again. *sigh* Apologies, I’m being bitter. Li Susu probably told everyone and got the sects in line.

If they were going for a sad ending, then what was that?! If an open ending, again, what was that?! And then a happy ending audio was thrown in to the mix! The indecisiveness was breathtaking, it simply makes you seethe! Pick one, commit to it and do it well! They were trying to please everyone and utterly missing the target.

Those who love this kind of Xianxia with very dark themes (for cdramas, I think this is dark) mostly are not averse to sad endings. Sometimes it’s even expected. Great sad endings leaves you sobbing, heartbroken, and melancholic. That’s the beauty of it, it makes it memorable! If it’s a happy ending, fantastic! Everyone loves a happy ending. Great open endings make you think, not angry!!! however, I find that open endings are generally just ok (with exceptions), but thats ok too! The tragic thing about all this is the source material already had a sad ending, if a sad ending was what they were aiming for, and the epilogue of the novel provided a happy ending, if a happy ending was what they intended to do! They did not even have to think of an alternative because it was already there! And yet... *sighs*

Some mutuals decided to end watching at episode 35. They are happy that they did it and I am happy for them. But if I was to recommend this cdrama, I can’t really say that they should end at that episode because subsequent episodes brought us

Shifu and Cang Jiumin scenes which was beautiful, I was sobbing.

Li Susu thinking that TTJ was dead and was trying her hardest to fight and kill her awful bio dad and failing miserably

TTJ saving her and killing Di Mian, extremely satisfying!!!

The relief in her face seeing him alive only to realize that he had the intention of becoming the Devil God. The scream alone is worth watching!

When he took out the soul extinguishing spikes from his heart to convince her that he indeed has become the Devil God. The sorrow in her eyes.

I’m sure theres a bit more

and of course, the later part of episode 39... the Ye mansion scene. The sadness and longing. Somehow missing each other so much while they are in each others arms. So bittersweet.

Having read the novel, I knew from the few chapters in that they have deviated from it so much. I thought, ok, at least we are getting 2 stories out of it. Its just that precious screentime was used on characters that I thought was irrelevant to the overall story. Mo Nv could have been taken out completely and it would not have mattered to the story at all. They could still made Gonye Jiwu a jealous, vindictive, and bitter (ex) without her. Li Susu and Tantai Jin meeting with Ye Qingyu in JIng Kingdom was cut out instead. I saw some stills, so they did film it. It would have been better story showing on how the emperor can be the same emperor for the last 500 years.

I still have a lot in my mind but this is getting too long. Anyway, I now have 2 new favourite actors, so there is that.

[dexthtoyounglings]

Ma'am, may I please get a crumb of Luke fic 🥺 (maybe even a Dark Prince Luke fic?)

YES! YES YOU MAY! I HAVE MISSED WRITING SPECIFICALLY LUKE SO MUCH!!

•--•

The Redress

Imperial Prince!Luke Skywalker x Reader Fluff

Summary: Your past wedding wasn't enough for him, the way it happened and the scene you were in. He needed more, he wanted you to have more.

Warnings: fluffff, suggestive tone in one piece of dialogue

GIF NOT MINE!!

•--•

"What's troubling you?" you asked, placing your fork down, handle against the edge of your plate with pasta still rolled around the bottom of the forked edges.

Your dress billowed off your arms, the close to transparent fabric dyed a deep, royal blue, same as the ones that flowed over the black silk underneath it, torso a solid black color with embroidered golden edges.

Luke had handpicked your gown, chose the restaurant you sat at accordingly to you, the prettiest scenery in the open air balcony. And he picked the prettiest place to stay, a cottage in his family name, two stories tall and cozy. It was secure in the woods alone, forests only packed with deer, wild foxes, birds, tame animals.

The lush forest of Batuu, accompanied with a village outside of the secluded foliage helped him finalize his idea. He knew the way you were, the way you wanted cozy and quiet, but not completely alone. Much different from his father, he learned to respect your never-ending want to see life and watch things, and others, grow.

You were the soft part of the Empire, as his dad put it. But everything evil had a soft spot. And everything Luke was made of didn't allow him to hide his own - being you.

He sighed and planted his elbow on the table, resting his cleft chin on his hand and let his index finger run across the scar that trailed over his lips. A bad habit he developed when he got nervous.

"I want to speak to you about something. It's very last minute, and you might not be ready for something like this and-"

You interrupted him, "Did the Emperor want a heir already?"

"I- No!" Luke said, blushing intensely, something you didn't see too often, "No, I want to.. correct our wedding. I want to do it our way. Well- technically it would be my way but you've spoken about your ideal wedding before. I just want you to be happy with it. Happier."

You looked at him with pure shock. You'd remembered the pain that went through your heart one day when your mind started running a million miles and hour. And when Luke had sensed it, sniffed it out and hunted you down to ask what could be wrong, you'd confessed to him. You confessed that you wanted something more real, where you could actually feel the wind billow in your hair and your dress. And so you could feel like you weren't being watched.

You wanted it to be you and him. In a secluded place with high trees and friendly animals and plants surrounding you. You told him you wanted something beautiful, something original. And he would do anything to make his beloved princess happy.

And he had just made you so happy, knowing that the event would be happening soon. Knowing that he meant this place. It was mid-day, and maybe that's why he had taken you to eat so early on. Everyone would be settling in a few hours, leaving the trees near your cottage alone for good that day.

You had never interrogated Luke on who he talked to, but you should've known when you'd overheard him ask for Sarah, the woman who ran all of your wardrobe decisions with yourself and Luke included, that he had a plan unfolding.

Your heart skipped a beat. Of course Luke listened to you, you should've known he would. He never settled for hearing you say you wanted something. He would only settle if you had it. His determination made you soften inside.

"Really? When is it? Is it soon?" you asked, face lit up with interest, watching your whole self begin to smile.

Luke laughed at the way your eyes locked onto his own, watching him like he created every planet, every sun and every moon. Like he created every star and starship in the sky.

"When do you want it to happen, we are here for a few days, you can have control over our plans from here on, my dove," he spoke evenly, lifting his head from his hand and letting it rest on the table, waiting for yours to rest intertwined with his own.

You rested your hand in his and watched your grin become contagious.

"Would you- Can we do it today? Would you want to do it today?" you asked, hoping that if he were to say anything, it would not be a no. Your heart took a pause before you saw something flicker in his crystalline blue eyes, spiked deeper shades in the irises.

His eyes had softened, "I was hoping you would say something like that."

His hand reached up to brush hair behind your ear, running the side of his finger over the cartilage and flitting over your jawline, "Maker, I will forever muse over how gorgeous you are. When they told me about you, how you were the most beautiful girl on Tatooine I almost laughed because I didn't think it was possible. And when I saw you, I wanted to laugh harder because you were the most beautiful girl in the galaxy. It was ridiculous how they could undermine your beauty."

You felt your cheeks start to hurt, so tensed from the smile that you couldn't seem to swipe away. You wished there was a way to describe how it felt like you were swallowing down your pulse, how your head felt like it was being turned inside out , wrung out like a wash-cloth. And the way your muscles seemed to warm with a want to reach over and kiss him.

You kissed his finger, grabbing his hand to kiss each and every one of them. Fading into reality, you looked around the empty balcony before resuming to your food, flashing your lover a quick smile.

And once again. It was a contagious smile.

•--•

You slipped the dress on, your gut clenching with guilt at the fact that outside, the dress could collect dirt from the hardened ground. But when you called to Luke to tell him that, he only brushed off your concern and assured you that the Empire has cleaned worse.

You had flats on, easier to walk in. And seeing them didn't matter much because Luke would be the only eyes. You had left your hair down, treating it a way you so pleased. And then you took a moment, looking at yourself in the full-body mirror set in the cottage. You looked... gorgeous, even to yourself. You felt tears well up in your eyes and you felt the urge to rush to Luke, who was outside the door.

How many times had you truly felt this... pretty? You can't recall, all you can recall is the fact that you hadn't felt this way in that cold, holoprojected room with its holoprojected walls and its holoprojected wind.

You hated being in that room, where Vader could watch his son get married to a bride from a planet that he used to reside. In the place that wasn't truly real, just a video on a wall. You didn't want to pretend to get married on that stone ledge on Naboo. You wanted to get married here, alone with your lover.

You stepped outside into the pouring rays of light. Planets seemed the brightest when the sun was setting, pulled streaks of yellow bursting through the trees like they had something to say to you. And they must've been speaking to Luke. Because when you turned your head to him, he almost looked entranced.

You see the gold light flashing over his back, wrapping him in this warm glow that you'd never seen him in. And he's gorgeous. He's so fucking gorgeous, awestruck like he was watching a goddess float down from the heavens above, bringing this halo down with her. And the halo hugged him, wrapping around his waist and his arms and embracing his legs like they begged to be worshipped. The way his scar was brightened, in the shadow but still clearer than it's ever been. It made him even more the handsome.

How was he allowed to be so perfect? How was he allowed to love you when his flaws made him even more perfect?

You made your way towards him without even commanding your feet to move, body begging you to touch him, see him up close, make sure he was real.

"Y/n," he spoke, voice cracking off at the end. Luke wasn't one to say your name a lot, he loved the pet names that he gave you and he loved the way you reacted to them with warmth.

His eyes sparkled with the call of your name, shining this bright blue that seemed like it could cut glass, scar others. But to you, oh to you they traced the contours of your face with their sharp edges. They shred your hair into the tiny strands they were and watch it flow with grace. Luke's eyes were shallow pools, ones that narrowed into a lake when his enemies threatened him.

And to him, you were the hard push of winds, shoving sand at him. Only when you were with him did that blue become so shallow, collect so much surface.

You neared him, smiling so widely, grabbing him by the forearms. The texture of his sleeves underneath your finger reminded you of his status. Of how important he truly was. Yes, he had always been important to you, but he was important to so many more people. He was important to his father, to his legacy, to the Empire.

But in his eyes, you only saw your own reflection.

"Luke," you slid your hands down his arms, gliding over the delicate cuffs and clutched his hands in yours. You felt bare skin against your own, a fact that made you beam with joy. His fingernails were cut down and manicured, hands smooth even through all the callouses that the lightsaber hilt should have applied.

"You look gorgeous," he whispered. His voice was gentle, like you'd disappear if his tone had raised. You left out an equally as gentle laugh puff out of your lungs, feeling your face warm at his compliment. He had never failed at making you blush.

You opened your eyes, seeing his cheeks dusted pink, scar crinkling with his skin as he let his smile shine, straight teeth blaring the color white.

You leaned in, kissing the cleft in his chin twice, looking up at him from such a close angle almost didn't allow you to see him through your eyelashes at all. But you knew that this was the reason. The reason why you loved him so much because of this close perspective of the man you had already married so many months ago. He was someone that brought genuine safety to you, even when he was angry he always made you feel comfortable. When you were this close, being able to inhale his exhales, you knew you could truly never be safer. He was where you belonged and felt comfortable with.

"I swear to you, my whole lifeline, my star that shines through the night, that if there was another life that I couldn't live with you, I'd hate it. You are what I fight to keep, what I fight to protect. As... cruel as it may sound, to me there are no lives I fight for if they aren't your own. If anything were to happen to you, I do not know what I would do," he spoke, holding your hands tightly, "My future is clear to me where we stand. If anything were to happen, if you wanted something more, or something less, I'd leave the Empire to give that life to you. If you begged me to stay here, or to not return to the Death Star, I wouldn't deny you."

You leaned up to press your forehead to his. His hair tickled you, a fresh smile on your face.

"Oh Luke," you said. He opened his eyes, looking at you with something like childish wonder. The way you said his name so softly always sent him spiraling.

"I had often heard your name on Tattooine. It was a small town where a lot of word got around. Divorces, marriages, pregnancies, new hires, it always spread fast. And the Empire spread faster. When they had said that the Emperor found his son, that he was handsome and powerful, all the girls gushed over you. And I'll admit, I was jealous I would never be able to grab your attention like they could have."

Luke pressed a kiss to your lips, "I assure you, you outshine every face I've seen."

You giggled, "But- But I remember when that hysteria went away and everyone started looking at the people around them. I was with this boy, and he treated me the best someone could get on that sandy planet; he apologized when he felt like it, he left when he wanted to and he argued with me only to shut down every opinion I had. And I thought that's how life was meant to be. I thought that loving meant to listen and wait. But you've made me realize- there is so much more. You are so much more than I ever could have wanted. I love you, Luke Skywalker. I love you."

Your prince, ever so stoic, ever so elegant. Ever so respected. Yet he melted in your hands, at your words. He removed his hands from yours and planted them on your face before kissing you passionately, lips molding in a kiss so fervent that the ground around you wanted to shake.

I love you. His response echoed through the caverns of you mind.

•--•

Masterlist

[bonkbobl]

i should be sleeping but i couldn't help but check your blog tonight and i'm so glad i did lolol,, hihi !! i just caught up on your last two recent fics and i must say, though i loved loved state of undress, i do find myself wanting to see more of distraction first. it was unsettling to read (the SA part mostly and the aftermath) yet so intriguing... i especially liked when you wrote of roose's conflict in realizing and feeling regret of his actions towards the reader & how he wants to apologize to her. i'm curious to see where you'll take it next ! (also the absolute fear i held when reader had to speak in front of everyone in the tent 😭,, i love that catelyn spoke up for her tho :') <3 ) needless to say, i would not mind whichever fic is posted first, as long as the one with a happier ending is posted second bwahahaha,,, i'm a sucker for angst but i fear roose bolton will be the death of me in this category 😭

i love that bed chem by sabrina was what loosely inspired you for state of undress bwahaha,,, which the gif??? where do u find these gifs they're all just so precisely fitting !! like even distraction he's so up close like 😳... AND OMG DISTRACTION WAS THE FIC U HAD TO REWRITE??? ur absolutely insane and dedicated and i love you for it 😭 i hope you took breaks in between writing :')

school has just begun and has been clocking my ass but seeing your posts have rejuvenated me !!! it is always a delight to see something new from you, fic or not haha,,, i hope school has been improving for you btw and i'm sorry to hear about your partner :/ i hope the split was civil and decent :']

btw those tiktok edits you're talking about.... is it the crawling back to you edits because istg i too have been watching them on repeat !! i like these two a lot as well:

https://www.tiktok.com/@rejoiceprime/video/7376165691335937285?lang=en — the song is kinda silly but the scene where he tilts his head back in his seat is just so KLDJSKLJDSKJDS 🫣

https://www.tiktok.com/@mannis_cc/video/7342193627386449184?lang=en — this one is just so dark and the song is just so him and ughhh

i hope the links work/ are valid and u like the edits haha,, let me know if you've seen them before :)

i look forward to reading the second parts to your recent fics, as well as any other new ones you might have in mind :) please do take care dear author !! wishing u all the best ! — 🩰 anon

im really happy you enjoyed them both ahhh!!! also yeah definitely the part 2 to distraction, if i end up writing it, will still have angst themes. although i like kind of tried to flesh out the ideas a bit more and im not super sure if im that passionate about it :/ but we'll see. i think i have lingering feelings about that fic and would like to flesh it out a bit more.

i hope school gets better for you soon. its lowkey been kicking my ass too LOLL especially since my courses are getting more advanced and more STEM focused.

ALSO LMAO NOT YOU KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT IM CRYING LOL. yes its those. also thanks for the new food i'll be saving these for later <3

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 ‘I will pay him to shut up. I’m broke as a fucking joke but bro i am willing to work my tushy on every corner to make him shut up. Pretentious fucker. I’m so happy Brian isn’t this cringey. *mocks ethan* alone jerking off. Oh fuck off. HE WAS IMAGINING HIM KISSING HIM. I WILL LITERALLY VOMIT RIGHT THIS SECOND, this is gonna sound weird but Bri looks better when he gets head. This guy makes funky faces. (THE KNOCK JUST HAPPENED) imagine if its brian!!!!! He needs help with more posters or some shit! OH MY GOD ROSES! OH ETHAN LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SAW HIS OWN LIFE FLASH BEFORE HIS EYES….spoiler alert it was a very boring one. HIS MUUUUSE? OH ETHAN IS SCARED- OH FUCKS SAKE BEN! WHY DO YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!’ *Mikey is now being dramatic with a needle* ‘Mikey whatcha doing? Dude, why cant you just be dramatic over boyfriends the same way everyone else is? Dye your hair red and get a buzzcut! FINALLY BEN! Now go back to boring and call it a day’ And we are back to Justin ‘ow ow Justin that has to hurt. TELL HIM! YES HE IS A LIAR! OH YOU MISSED HIM? FOR A DAY?! OH ITS JUSTINS FAULT AGAIN LIKE USUALLY?! (Ethan says thee line) OH YOU KEEP YOUR BRIANS NAME OUT OF YOU CHEATIN MOUTH! EXACTLY YOU NEVER FORGAVE HIM BC HE DIDNT DO SHIT WRONG! HE WAS HONEST FROM DAY ONE! YES LEAVE! SHOVE THAT RING UP YOUR ASS. Oh i have a few ideas what you could do without Justin. *does middle fingers at Ethan* HAHAHA FUCK YOU MARACAS BOY! JUSTIN FINALLY SAW THE LIGHT! *pauses tv* you know what we need now? Brian and Justin to bump into each other and for him to see Justin’s bleeding hand. Yup. I could do this shit for a living!’ He is literally smiling so big and he rewinded the scene like 2 times. Each time he smiled more and more while also laughing at Ethan. *raises his soda in the air* ‘lets all have a toast to Ben’s failed attempt at trying to be less boring. Glad you saw the light, big guy.’ ‘NOW HOW DID BRIAN KNOW HE DIDNT SLEEP AT HO-oh his clothes are the same. BRI YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE SO HAPPY! GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? THEY BROKE UP! (Ted just thanked Brian) dude, stop acting like you dont care for your friends. I get that its part of your schtick but dude come on. you most certainly did it for Teddy! THERES POTENTIAL IN THIS BROMANCE!’ ‘Oh fuck you Justin, you were buddies with him last episode but now youre saying he’s acting like total shit, i mean okay true BUT COME ON. And Debbie, maybe you could understand it if you, oh I don’t know, stopped blaming him all the time and being rude to him one second and the next you love him! Im still mad at you acting like you dont know that he loves Justin!’ Melanie just said she’s pregnant ‘oh no. Oh no. This is gonna be the worst thing since…quick name something bad. Mike is gonna be a dad. Oh that’s…i dont wanna say bad but i am coming up short on any other word’ ‘BRIAN! (Btw every time he says that when he comes on tv he literally points to the tv like he’s shocked he’s in the show..imagine that one Leo Dicaprio gif) HEY! brian is a good dad! *looks at me in wonder* Do you think backrooms are still a thing? Are they even legal? OH MY GOD ITS BLONDIE! JUSTIN!! HES IN THE BACKROOM! HES IN THE CLUB! FINALLY!! I hated how he acted that he was too good for it. AND LOOK HOW FAST BRI BRI SAW HIM! of course you are gonna fuck next to hi- OH JUSTIN SAW HIM *starts hitting me all excited* THEY ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER! THEY ARE FUCKING AND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER!!! DID YOU SEE THAT SMIRK? OH JUSTIN ISNT EVEN TRYING TO LOOK AWAY! *stands up and starts showing his shirt* TEAM FUCKING BRIAN! I KNOW THATS RIGHT! *screams literally on top of his lungs* I WANNA FEEL YOU FROM THE INSIDE?! OH THEY ARE SICK FOR THAT!’ He is now staring at the tv with his hands in his hair smiling while credits roll..’oh i gotta call mom! I gotta tell her! This is big news, shit i gotta call (friends name)! I gotta tell him all about this! I knew this shirt would work, you all thought i was crazy but it worked!’ And now he is giving mom the full run down. She is stuck with him on the phone bc she ignored his calls so he guilt tripped her

Your brother's reaction to THEE SCENE is everything. It is perfect. 10/10 would read that a million times over, no notes. (Or, this being tumblr, 1k notes post)

Brian and Justin to bump into each other and for him to see Justin’s bleeding hand. <- WHY WERE WE ROBBED OF THIS

THEY ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER! THEY ARE FUCKING AND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER!!! DID YOU SEE THAT SMIRK? OH JUSTIN ISNT EVEN TRYING TO LOOK AWAY! *stands up and starts showing his shirt* TEAM FUCKING BRIAN! I KNOW THATS RIGHT! *screams literally on top of his lungs* I WANNA FEEL YOU FROM THE INSIDE?! OH THEY ARE SICK FOR THAT!’

That is all of us right now.

I LOVE that your brother immediately wanted to tell everyone. No one cares but he still wants to share the good news.

[mysteriawrites]

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for.............. A MATCHUP TRADE WITH

@erismor-iok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thx for letting me trade with you! Here is your matchup...DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

NAGANOHARA YOIMIYA!!!

(this gif of her is so pretty) Srry if this doesn’t make a lot of sense lore wise I’m super behind on genshin lore because i suck at the game lol.

You and Yoimiya are pretty similar. You both love to express yourselves and do whatever you can to help others. You’re also able to hold a conversation and keep up with her teasing banter.

You guys met when your traveling theater group came to Inazuma to put on a show for this year’s summer festival on the request of the of the Yashiro comission. Your troupe had been becoming quite popular lately and since the boarders were reopened they thought it was the perfect opportunity.

As the writer director, and narrator of the show (i considered making you lead actress too but figured that’d probably be a bit much) you requested some pyrotechnics of your show (a reenactment of some archon battle) for special effects. Of course who better go ask then “The Queen of the Summer Festival” herself.

When you first came to her shop to put in the request it was love at first sight. After a bit of awkward nervousness you guys started talking while she took down your order. There was also plenty of flirty banter on her end (I think Yoimiya could be awkward but flirtatious if she wanted to be). After business was done she offered to show you around Inazuma and asked you out for lunch. You said yes.

You two walked around the festival together. She took you to all the best sights, you tasted all the amazing food, and you guys got matching yakatas (her face turned as red as her pyro vision when she saw you in it). It was the best day of both of your lives. Last but not least she took you to watch the fire works with her. The mood was perfect. So perfect in fact that…you two had your first kiss.

After the show was over you, although dejectedly, reminded her that you should get ready for the show. So she took you back and before you two parted way you offered her front row tickets. She promised she’d be watching and cheering you on (even if you weren’t technically on stage).

The play was mesmerizing. She was on the edge of her seat the whole time even though she knew the story by heart. The way you described the scene and told the story captivated her entire attention. After the show she ran back stage and hugged you showering you in compliments.

The next day Yoimiya woke up with a spring in her step. She was so excited to see you, she was gonna officially ask you to be her girlfriend. However, when she went to where the traveling theater caravan was staying, she was startled to find out it was gone. She went to Ayato himself to ask about what happened. He told her that since it was the last day of the festival the theater had left early that morning.

Yoimiya was devastated. You had left without saying so much as a goodbye. No one in all of Inazuma had ever seen Yoimiya so sad, so broken. She had lost her glow, her spark, her fire. Yoimiya went to the spot where you saw the fire works together and she cried. She cried for hours.

When she was finally all out of tears she went home. She opened the door and called out to her father, but there was no response. She hear laughter from the kitchen. Did her dad have a guest over. She followed the sound into the kitchen and her eyes widened. There you stood as beautiful as the day you met in your yukata having tea with her father. You turned to her, smiled and welcomed her home, but she tackled you in a hug before you could finish your sentence.

After she had calmed down you had explained the situation. Your theater trope had in fact left Inazuma, but you had decided to stay behind and set up permanent residence so you could learn more traditional Inazuman performance art (and so you could be closer to her. Yoimiya was so happy with the news and that night you stayed over for a laughter filled dinner that endes up with you two cuddling and now in an official relationship.

Hey again sorry this took so long, but is still kinda short. A lot of things happened in the last two weeks that just stole all my motivation and creative juice I wanted to have this done Wednesday or two Wednesdays ago i don’t remember i have no concept of time. But anyway I hope you enjoyed it.

Runners Up: Keqing, Ganyu, Xiangling, Thoma, Xingyan, Itto, Childe, Venti

[ctrsara]

Top 5 of 2022

(I stole this from @yes-i-am-happyaspie!)

This is the time of year when we all start looking back and reflecting upon everything that has taken place in the last twelve months. So, I suggest we show ourselves some love!

What are your top five favorite creations you produced in 2022? It can be art, writing, gif sets, video editing, or any other form of creative expression. Take this opportunity to highlight your best work! Then tag five others so that they can share the love as well!!

#1 From the Same Star  This is the story that finally got me to try writing. I've been reading fanfiction for longer than many of you have been alive (started when I was 13, over 25 years ago) but I never thought I could write my own stories. This one is close to my heart for so many reasons, but I love all the IronFam interaction, and I loved writing an fully grown, happy, supported, and awesome Peter Parker. And I've fallen in love the with OC love interest as I've continued to write her. 💗

#2 Emergency Contacts  This is the first story I tried not-in-my-soulmate-universe, and it was the first prompt I tried. It's from Flash's point of view, and it's a lot of fun. I really love how it turned out, and it's actually my most popular (kudos-wise) story to date. (Of course, I've only been writing for like seven months...)

#3 Ghost in the Walls This is part of my "Strands in the Rope" series, and I think it's one of my favorites that I've written. I loved the exploration of Tony's relationship with his parents, his reflections on his growing mentor/parental relationship with Peter, and I love the piano scene so much.

#4 Laundry Day This is a short one-shot in my Comfortember stories. I love a lot of those, so it was hard to choose one, but this one is so satisfying and gives me all the warm fuzzies every time I read it.

#5 is the only visual art I've done (so far - I'd like to do more, but I'm unsatisfied with my figure drawing skills, since there's been a woeful lack of practice since high school) for any fandom, but I'm kind of in love with how it turned out. (The background is acrylics, and I digitally painted the figures in with Photoshop.)

I did a few videos this year that I love, too, but they're not fandom-related, and have my kids in them, so... :)

I tag @seek--rest, @call-me-coley, @maryo274, @niniblack, @plane-lord, and anyone else who would like to!

[fersrsbizniz]

Finally back on my bullshit with the Beast Wars rewatch.

Today is the day for “The Probe”.

To my followers unfamiliar with this show, yep, that’s the title.

I’ll try to keep my nonsense to a minimum for those who clicked this in curiosity, I may have gone a little overboard last time…but I did offer a warning.

Cue the guitar!!!

You know, I would have loved to see more of Cybertron but I get why they couldn’t. I did see in a few gifs that they make it there in the sequel (I never watched that). I’ve heard warnings about Beast Machines, though, so a little gun shy about watching it.

Considering there’s a whole two seasons + more season one episodes, your probes are in fact, not going to do as you say, disembodied voice.

Ah, Cheetor and Rattrap are going to race home.

If that’s not the look of disappointed parents I don’t know what is.

I stand by my statement with that chastisement, too.

They’re picking up a signal!

And here I am once more wondering why they chose to make the asses so obvious and THERE (unless it’s for the butt jokes because I giggled with the thunk they put there, ngl)

Everyone is so excited!!! Except for Dinobot 😢

Which makes sense. I may not know a whole whole lot about what happened to these characters before they got here (and I rightly can’t remember if Megatron has a proper leg to stand on with his conquest at any point or if it’s just a bunch of mustache twirling), but I know what trouble Dinobot would probably be in for aiding Megatron, regardless of who he is currently helping. I feel for the guy; especially since he definitely is NOT the mustache twirling one. He is complicated with his passions for turning robots into slag, and I’m so curious to see how he came by that even though I know it’s never to be answered. If he could (unlikely) would he even want to go home? What would the Maximal top brass do to him upon his return? Yeah, I’m seeing exactly why he’s not happy about this.

Not to mention—regardless of his disposition—he would probably miss any interaction with individuals like him in any capacity if he managed to remain on the planet.

Now they’re building their array (of course on Predacon grounds). Shenanigans ensue, Cheetor goes to scout, and Dinobot is told to keep working.

Rattrap is not catching on, which is surprising for the usually sharp bot, but his sensors are probably preoccupied by his own interest in getting off of the planet. And once explained, Optimus offers a sweet gesture, but things aren’t so simple my guy. Dinobot does have a sense of self that may not 100% fit your expectations and he might not mind that, although others will.

This is a big L Tigatron…and I feel for you.

Cheetor…you walked right into that. ASSESS THE SITUATION BEFORE YOU ENGAGE GDI. You are new, yes, but by this point you’d think that would have been taught to you?!?!

Tarantulas, I want to be mad, but with what I said up there, I have to give you a pass. Also am not quite sure why I hated you so badly when I was a kid. Sure you’re creepy, and maybe a little too sensual when trying to eat someone, but can’t think of that moment when I just began despising you. Maybe it’s growth in my part.

Or maybe I just need to see whatever scene it was again.

Well, the Predacons found out. They connected the dots.

Rattrap being as gentle as ever with people’s emotions…

“Oh, to the Inferno with both of you” *BOOM* I laughed and I can’t even pretend I didn’t.

There’s so much I love about this scene, the accuracy of weaponry, the literal claw removal via Rattrap’s quick shot, the “I don’t think so” and the “and I really don’t think so” with the fun mechanical sounds, but especially this:

They are begrudging friends and I love it (I’ve always been a bigger fan of begrudging friendships over the other way this could be seen but you all do you and I’ll do me over here)

Of course all that accuracy is shot now that the rest are here.

Cool flip Dinobot, if only you could have had the chance to do something with it. It was smart of them to go for the heaviest hitter though. I just wish I could have seen you get Megatron in the face. Alas, Blackarachnia did that to you. At least Rattrap got his aim back to avenge you somewhat.

You know, until the little transformation issue.

Don’t know if they needed that triple take there of your half-baseball thing, but good on you Optimus.

And good on you too, Rhinox! I did get to see someone deck Megatron today! This is really nice, considering, uh, that explosion which definitely ruined all your hard work during this episode.

But hey, the others came to rescue you before Megatron could end you so, win there, right?

So dejected 😞

Perhaps a bummer of an ending but I did enjoy the episode. And of course, I am forever thankful to the 4K person(s)—The one who downloaded the stuff and the other tumblr user who let me know.

[dokifluffs]

You’re Safe | Sakusa Kiyoomi

Pairing: Kiyoomi X Reader (female) 

Genre: MAFIA!AU, dad and husbando tehe, fluffy, action? thriller??

Author’s Note: mafia 🤝 protective 🤝 domestic father figure 🤝 SAKUSA

Warnings: k*lling, blood, vivid imagery, LONG, language

gif from @rivaillerose​ 🖤

“Y/N,” a husky voice spoke your name, pulling you from your much needed rest as life of being a new mother had been challenging though so far, it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle

“Y/N, darling.”

You groaned in your sleep, not wanting to wake, to leave the warmth that you were so comfortable laying in

The edge of the bed shifted as a weight sat down beside you, making your body move toward the person

You brought yourself to open your eyes as heavy as they were, your vision clearing to find your husband sat beside you, his mask pulled down to his chin

The room was gloomy and gray though the curtains were open, not a bit of sunlight shining through as he looked down to you with gentle eyes

Despite his softer side with you, he was still the head of the clan - and his appearance matched him as well

He donned a black wool overcoat with the same colored turtleneck and mask

“What is it, Omi?” You asked sleepily as he cupped your cheek with his black gloved hand

His black gloves were always an accessory he had on him, whether he was wearing them or not

He had a thing with germs but he also saw no need to get his hands dirty when his men were always there to do the job for him

You nuzzled your face into his touch, very tempted to fall asleep holding him close but as your mind woke up more and more, you remembered what today was

What he had to do, where he had to go

“I’m leaving soon.. I’ll be back in a few days..” he whispered as he moved a strand of your hair from your face

You wanted to pretend you didn’t hear these words, that he never told you he had to leave or when he did

A part of you wished he left without telling you but an even greater part was so grateful that he woke you

“Do you really have to go again?” You squeezed his gloved hand as you sat yourself up straighter

“You know how my father is... He wants to make sure things are... under control.. I promise I’ll be back in two days.”

The way he spoke, the words fell so effortlessly from those lips, his voice low and cutting through the space yet he spoke at a volume as if he was telling you a great secret

“You said that last time and he kept you with him for a couple weeks...” you thought back to that time

You were seven months pregnant, almost eight, at the time and it was like he fell off the face of the earth

You couldn’t go anywhere or do anything but reside in the manor and you couldn’t even talk to him

You were alone again

“Don’t go...”

the nights in bed alone, the cramps, emotional rollercoasters, motion sickness, nausea

You at least wished he could have called you

The nightmares you had, the worst case scenarios playing in your head until you woke up with tears streaming down your face, only for you to cry yourself silently back to sleep as fear pooled and plagued you from within

He could see the sadness in your eyes and he could remember vividly the mental torture he was put under

No communication to you and all he could at most to see you was through the hidden cameras all connected to his phone  

Even checking in on you had to be done in secret, all to make sure that he was strong enough to continue on the family business even if he had to lose you or be away for unpredictable amounts of time

It was unbearable then and it was still unbearable now

He never asked to grow up into the business of the underworld, let alone take it over from his father at the prime age of 20 four years ago

He never wanted your life to be taken away when you two had already been together when he was recruited

“I’m sorry, darling, but you know I have to,” he sighed. “You know how my father is.” He cupped your cheek and kissed your temple then lips before he stood

“Am I going to lose you?” Your voice broke the silence, breaking through the white sound of the downpour outside

But you had stopped your question early

“Am I going to lose you today? Tomorrow? One day?”

He stood frozen in his place before he could reach for the knob

“No, Y/N. You won’t.” His eyes paused for a bit on you as he thought about his response, the fatigue of being a mother was already showing. “I’ll be able to call you this time and I’m the head now. The only title my father has to me now is father.”

“You won’t.” He stepped back over to you leaned down to kiss you again. “Not today at least…”

“I’ll call you at supper time, darling. Have a good day.”

You did your best to hold onto his hand as long as you could, to remember his touch, his voice, his scent, the way he looked before he walked out those doors

Because some days or nights, you never truly know if you would ever see him again

And it terrified you

The sound of the rain only seemed to get more intense now that he was gone and you were here

But now your day was beginning now that you were awake

You slipped out of the king sized bed, leaving the warmth you had slept in as the soft carpet at your feet, your toes sinking into the fibers

Brushing your teeth, showering in the grand bathroom of the manor, it was a life you surely never expected but here you were

Kiyoomi’s father and his entire family had built their name from nothing to the global known corporation that it was today

You dried your body off, finding what to wear today through the walk in closet and once that was found, it was breakfast

“Good morning, madam, shall I bring you your breakfast to the master suite?” Your right hand maid had greeted you as you stepped out as she carried the laundry with her

“Oh, thank you, Olivia, but I’ll head down to the kitchen after waking D/N,” you smiled to the older maid that had worked for the Sakusa family for decades

All the staff that worked and lived in the estates on the property outside of the manor were trained security, men and women, whose jobs were to protect the main family, to serve them, and to keep others who would pose a threat away and out, even if it meant killing them

But you always tried not to think or wonder about how many people these staff have killed or beat up or anything whenever you interacted with them, especially when they greeted you with a smile

They were there to protect you and to make sure that nothing and no would would ever harm your life

You stepped into the nursery, the wide room decorated with warm lights and stuffed animals, some more than twice the size of your daughter

“Hi,” you smiled so brightly seeing your baby’s eyes already open, looking up to you as she sat in her crib, holding onto her blankie. “Good morning precious,” you lowered the front gate of the crib so you could kneel down to her level

Sakusa sat in the limousine as he watched the scene of you and your daughter in the nursery, wishing he could just turn the car around and to stay home

Things were in balance, he knew this already but his father’s orders were orders he still had to respect

He clicked off his phone, tucking the device into his pocket as he was to be in the car for quite a bit of time before he would get to his father’s

The biggest smile spread on her face as she laughed seeing you, her bubbliness seeming to make all the gloominess disappear

“Let’s get you changed~” you chimed as you lifted the baby girl into your arms, getting a whiff of her heavy diaper and finding an outfit for her day 

“Olivia?” You called into the custom intercom by the nursery’s closet, though there was practically one in every room

“Yes, madam?”

“Sorry for troubling you, but could you actually bring breakfast for D/N and I up to the upstairs loft? You could even send it up the dumbwaiter and that’s fine too.”

“Of course, would you like the usual?”

“Yes please, thank you.”

You carried your little girl toward the upstairs loft, one of your favorite areas of the house since it was significantly smaller - well almost - than the living room downstairs

The loft didn’t extend all the way downstairs like how the ground floor’s living room ceiling extended to the second floor

More than ten thousand square feet of property, more rooms in the manor than you knew what to do with them

Four guest bedrooms with full bathrooms, a grand study and two story “little” library, two main bedrooms in addition to the master bedroom and a nursery

So much space, all sorts of technologies, gadgets and gizmos of all sorts in the house

All the systems in the house was made by the Sakusa corporation to ensure security

This even included your and Kiyoomi’s custom made phones

There was also the basement- all sorts of fun activities to be done: a pool, pool table, living room area that opened up to the backyard with the bar and barbecue, the fire pit

and finally, there was the cellar that was the only place Kiyoomi had requested that you never go - and you never did 

You knew that look in his eye, that tone of voice and you knew he had requested this for your best

And most importantly, there were three safe rooms, all three upstairs with hidden entryways to protect you, official guests, and anyone in the family

Before you knew it, Olivia had made her way upstairs with the breakfast as you played with your daughter in the loft, bouncing her on your lap sat on the wide couch

The loft was brightly lit and open, toys of all types for your daughter to play with as the TV played the morning kids show

As filled as the house was with the special staff and things to do, it still felt so lonely and empty as you sat there

You had tried to chat and converse with them but they never loosened up, always keeping all the formalities but it was never any use

The storm outside seemed to be getting worse as your eyes gazed to the horizon, spotting the trees at the edge of the estate where all their branches had been swaying in the wind, the paler, underside of their leaves revealed

Thunder began to rumble in the distance with the occasional flash of lightning but both unbothered your daughter and you as the two of you remained in the loft  

You watched as she rolled about on a blanket, playing with her stuffed animals and the other interactive toys that played music to keep her entertained while you watched the TV, finding nothing remotely as entertaining to watch

But just before you could change the channel to yet another disappointing channel, your attention was pulled to your phone vibrating beside you, your eyes lighting up as you saw the caller ID

“You seem so bored,” Kiyoomi’s deep voice sounded through the phone but he spoke the truth

You were tired and bored but you didn’t want to sleep - it would only make you unable to sleep later tonight anyways

“I am,” you sighed as you muted the TV. “How far out have you gone?”

“Actually, not too far. Only about half an hour since there was a major accident on the highway so we had to take a detour. But traffic is terrible so we were stuck for quite a bit before we could actually exit,” Sakusa almost groaned thinking about the terrible accident

How he was stuck in a single place for practically twenty minutes

“Wow, do you know what happened?”

“Well there was a…” his voice drowned out in your ears as you could hear something that didn’t sound like rain or thunder - they were too distinctly different

Loud bangs echoed in the distance, bringing your attention elsewhere though all you could look was outside the wall window to the dark skies  

But you couldn’t see anything except the normal background of the property but it was just silent again with the white noise of rain washing down the glass, followed by thunder and a flash of lightning as the storm brewed closer and closer

“I’m sorry what? I missed what you said... I think I heard… something weird..” you spoke as you looked outside the windows that looked to the back of the property

You could hear echoes of movement downstairs, the bustling business of the special staff in the house but it sounded standard... or so you thought

“What did you hear?”

“..I don’t know.. maybe it was the storm and I’m just distracted...” you smiled into the phone as you spoke while your daughter happily crawled to you, laying her head on your legs, her puffy cheeks round as ever

“Well, you two were my only source of entertainment so far this trip,” the corner of his lips curled as he picked off small specks off his suit

“That makes one… of us-“ your thought died out in a matter of seconds

You heard louder, clearer bangs while the staff that had been stationed with you just outside the loft talked over their ear coms to another elsewhere

Before you could continue your sentence or call, the bangs only got louder and your body reacted faster than you could say or think

Clear gunshots began firing at the front entrance, echoing off the high walls and ceilings of the manor while the staff worked on securing the doors and all other entrances and possible ones

“Y/N?” Sakusa could only hear the subtle commotion happening but it was clear you weren’t on the phone. “Shit shit shit..” he stayed on the line as he changed to the security cameras he had access to he used to watch you and your guys’ daughter

Looking through the camera surveillance, he caught a glimpse of you disappearing with your phone in hand while your arms carried your daughter as you disappeared toward the bedroom

“Turn back now,” Kiyoomi howled as his driver did just that, not wasting a single second

You ran into the master suite’s walk in closet that led to the entryway of one of the safe rooms, your baby girl in your arms as she held on to you  her whines already beginning before they would turn into cries

“Shh, it’s okay, baby, mama’s gonna protect you,” you smiled, whispering, your voice already shaky, lips trembling as you pressed a little kiss to the top of her head. “Even if it costs my life, precious.”

You moved, leaving the master suite and stayed low as you walked across the “bridge” that connected the loft to the other half of the house

Peeking down, you could hear groans of agony, puddles and splashes of of blood on the floor and walls, empty bullet shells on the ground, shards of glass and broken windows

“Search the house, find that bitch,” a deep voice yelled through the manor as for the first time since the loud bangs happened, it sounded so still, like any normal rainy day

But this was far from normal

You crawled across the marble flooring toward the library

There wasn’t any safe room here but the safe rooms were sure to be where they would look, whoever they were

They were able to get through the security, it seemed like the staff was dead

You silently stood as they scoured the lower levels - you could hear them and all the destruction they were havocking

The cars outside the window blurred into mere colors that passed as the limousine sped through the roads back towards the manor

To save time, they went toward the back roads — it was just the slightest bit longer but time could be shaved down since there were no cars anywhere

“Step on it!” Sakusa commanded as his men readied themselves. “Call in Unit 0,” he demanded as he kept his eyes on the cameras, trying to find you yet he couldn’t see you in the master suite’s safe room

Unit 0 being one of the few very highly trained professional assassins and killers who were at the disposal of the Sakusa family whenever needed

He scoured through the cameras, not even caring about all the destruction being done, all he needed to see was where you and your daughter were

You carefully entered the library, shutting the door behind you as you walked over the wooden floors carefully

Every step made your palms sweaty but your heart stopped after hearing a loud creak in the old floors

The worst part was that there was no way to lock the doors

outside of the door, you couldn’t hear too much but you could still clearly hear the storm as a great big window stretched from the floor to ceiling so all the lighting in here was natural

There was something about the walls surrounding the library that made it sound proof in a sense

You constantly bounced your baby girl in your arms to keep her calm as you tried to get a look outside as you approached one of the corners toward the window

“Search upstairs,” one of the men demanded as a handful of men ran upstairs. “Find her.”

The scoured through all the rooms, flipping every room apart, destroying things, tearing the curtains off, flipping the beds, wrecking the nursery

You peeked out the window that faced the front of the manor yet all you could see were broken things and to your horror, more lifeless bodies of the manor’s staff

But before you could look out any longer, a large rock was launched at the window, breaking the glass, shattering it

Your baby girl let out a loud cry in fear, making your heart drop

“No, D/N, shhhh, please, it’ll be okay, we’ll be okay.” You quickly pulled open the latch to the library’s hidden passage where the door was one of the bookcases

As soon as you closed the bookcase, you heard the door to the library burst open

Several men, guns ready

You scanned your finger print for the room to be safely locked however it wouldn’t let you. All you could do to make sure the room was locked was to see your body to keep the door shut and still

They walked through the wide open doorway to the library scanning the two open floors that was connected by two black steel staircases that wound their way up and down, connecting the two floors

“Shh, please,” you whimpered to your daughter as she cried into your chest as you stayed by the passage’s door so you could look out the peephole

They pulled books off the shelves, throwing them from the second level to the first, knocking the paintings off the walls, ripping them by sliding their knives through the canvas’, kicking them, breaking the frames

The ground shook as you heard a a loud boom, making you jump in your spot, the ground rumbling and shaking below where you sat

It sounded like a bomb went off on the lower level but you assumed it was the cars in the garage since you could hear the repeating alarm sounding off

Your daughters cries began to start back up at the loud noise, as you did your best to shush her

“Shhh, it’s okay,” you whispered to her as you wiped her tears, keeping her face to your chest as you stroked your trembling hand down her back as tears trickled down your cheeks and dripped off your chin

The limousine slid on the gravel outside the manor as Sakusa’s men sprang to action from the vehicle

Kiyoomi stayed in his seat, continuously scouring through the cameras but you were yet to be found

He couldn’t find a single trace of you

His men, as well as unit 0, entered through the blown open entrance, broken shards of glass crunching beneath their steps as they surrounded the estate the best they could, splitting up to eliminate the intruders

“Where are you, Y/N?” His heart hammered in his chest as he desperately tried to find you yet nothing

But before he could look any further, his heart dropped seeing the red system failure message. Whoever these people were, they were impressive, but not fast enough

Kiyoomi now meant business now that he had no access to actually see if you were okay

He ran out of the limousine as gunshots could be heard all throughout the house as half his men made their way to the upper level while the other half wiped out the intruders on the lower level

He followed behind unit 0, making their way upstairs

He clung onto his gun tightly in his hand, finger ready on the trigger as he barged into the master suite, firing two bullets into the chest and head of a large man as he was pillaging the closets

All the precious jewelry he bought for you were now stained in the pool of the filthy blood of the man who had the audacity to enter the premises

His heart almost dropped seeing him in the closet in the first place but it didn’t seem like the man noticed the entrance to the safe room behind the clothes on the hangers

As he pushed the luxurious wardrobe aside opening the door and to his fear, you were nowhere to be seen

More gunshots sounded off, echoing through the halls, sounding off the walls

He couldn’t focus, his thoughts incoherent, unfinished sentences running in his head as he just ran, killing those in his way to find you

A gun war was going off throughout the library as Sakusa’s men fired at the intruders on both levels but they had great firepower too

Both sides hid behind the marble pillars, the different bookshelves and furniture in the room as the rain showered in

Your baby girl cried loudly, her shaken cries sounding off throughout the passage

“No, no, no, please, baby.” Your heart raced as you dared to look out the peephole, only for it to drop as you saw a man you didn’t recognize yell something to another man near him

The man he yelled to fired more shots while the other one approached the passage entrance, banging noises coming through the bookshelf

“She’s in here! Hold them off!” The man yelled

“No, no, no.” Tears welled in your eyes as you did your best to keep the door closed but there was no actual way to since this was just a simple passageway

Your daughter cried loudly in your arms while you gave it your all to keep the door closed

Amongst all the shots being fired, Kiyoomi heard the words the man yelled and then it clicked

He knew where you were

“No.” This one word repeated in his head as he pushed through the front, racing past the bullets being shot towards him as he ran on pure adrenaline

“Boss, no!” His men yelled but this only got the intruders to focus on him, giving them the opening to shoot them all

Kiyoomi shot the man closer to him in the legs before letting his body move on pure killer instinct as he grabbed the man who had fallen to his knees by his jaw, snapping his neck

The other man changed his focus to Kiyoomi as he stood to his feet while the other struggled to pull his gun from his holster

Kiyoomi towered over him as his body moved on his own

He kicked the man to the wall, pressing the barrel of his gun to the man’s chin, pulling the trigger without a second thought

You squeeze your eyes shut, facing the other way from the door, bracing yourself

“I love you. Mama loves you, baby,” you whispered as you cried, a loud rumbling filling your ears as you felt the door being forced open

This was it

You were going to die

Your daughter was doing to die

you let out a blood curtling scream feeling the hands of whoever grab onto you, pulling you, kicking your legs to try to fight 

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!” Kiyoomi’s familiar voice sounded louder and louder over the rumbling you heard in your ears from clenching and bracing your body and your daughter’s

“It’s me, It’s just me!” He soothed you as he turned you

You couldn’t explain or even begin to describe the relief you felt wash through your body, your heart racing and slowing down at the same time as you broke down, your cries mixing with your daughter’s

“You’re safe, I’m here,” Kiyoomi pulled you into his arms, your body shaking terribly in his arms as you cried into his chest, all the fear you felt flooding your senses

“I know, I’m sorry this happened, but you’re okay. Everything will be okay,” he whispered as he pulled you into his lap, keeping the passage door somewhat closed

You were already put through enough today and he didn’t need you to see the second degree murder crime scene he had committed right outside

“I’m here, I’m here.” He reached up and pulled his mask off as he kissed the top of your head all over, wiping away your tears with his thumbs but you couldn’t stop crying

But that was entirely fine

“But Y/N,” he held your face in his bare hands, his normal gloves off as he stroked his thumb over your cold, damp cheeks

“Why didn’t you go into the safe rooms, darling?” His own voice was unsteady, his lips quivered, eyes teary. “I looked for you and I couldn’t find you and I thought I lost you..” His voice broke off as he gathered himself the best he could, taking deep breaths

Seeing Kiyoomi like this, it broke your heart even more

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what… I was just scared and- and-“ It hurt you so much

Everything about today did

But just this moment was Kiyoomi, it also touched you

He was such a stoic man, usually one to show a softer, affectionate side with you but this was the first time you saw him shed tears

A man who had taken so many lives was now showing his true emotions for the two lives he would give his own live for a hundred times over if it meant you and your daughter was okay

“I know, I know, but you’re safe,” he let out a deep, relieving breath as he hugged your head closer, your body shaking uncontrollably in his arms

“And hey, shhh, it’s okay baby. Papa’s here.” He stroked your daughter’s head as she sort of calmed down as the two of you sat together, doing your best as parents to shoo away her sadness while his men did their best to first and foremost clear the bodies and blood

You absolutely did not need to see that after today

“You two are both safe.” He breathed as he pulled you two impossibly closer, letting the shakiness of his own heart disperse  

“You’re safe…”

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else! 

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[randomshyperson]

For every request I send, my love, tell me what you want from me in return and I’ll do it 😩😩

But can I request a Nat x Reader where Nat is surprise visiting her family in St. Petersburg only to find her girlfriend already there because they love her more than Nat. I can see Melina being like “she knows how to take care of the pigs”

Hello! Well, I would say i want hugs and kisses but we have an ocean between us haha Hope you like this my friend, it's short but it's sweet.

Gif is not mine, blessed are the gif makers.

Warnings: None.

Words: 1.539 K

Dictionary> Медовый (darling/dear) | мой милый воин (my dear warrior)

All Works Masterlist

//-//-//-//-//-//-//-//-//-//-//

Sweet Petersburg - Oneshot

Natasha parked her car just outside her mother's house, the smell of recent rain in the air as she stepped out of the vehicle, a nostalgic smile on her lips to be back home after a while.

She's visiting for the weekend, St. Petersburg is cold in the autumn, but also really beautiful, and even if she didn't say it out loud, she misses her family everyday.

Nat walked towards the house, she hadn't spotted any family members, but judging by the noise of laughing and talking inside the kitchen, some of them were inside.

She left her bag on the sofa, moving to greet them when the sound of a voice made her frown. Sounded like you.

"Mom?" Nat called out loud and the laughter stopped. The next second two women were coming from the small kitchen to join Natasha in the living room, who was standing with her arms crossed.

"Tasha, darling, you're here!" Melina greeted excited as she moves to hug her daughter. But Natasha's eyes are on you, smiling shyly at her with your hands in your pockets.

"I am." She says. "I'm sorry, am I missing something? Why are you here, babe?"

She asks curiously directly at you. Before you can answer, Melina is touching your shoulder and smiling at her daughter.

"I invited her, of course." She clarifies. "She's great with the pigs, and she's such a lovely companion, Tasha."

Nat let's a short laugh.

"I know, mom. That's why I'm dating her." She says almost dry, and you roll her eyes at her jealousy. Nat is looking at you again next. "I thought you were in Turkey."

"I was." You say as you step forward, resting your hands on Natasha's hips. "I runned into Yelena there. Then she video chatted with your mom and they insisted for me to come for the weekend."

“And you didn't think about asking me to join you? At my family house?" Nat asked with incredulity, but you just smiled at how cute she looked when angry.

"Natasha, don't be like that, it's not like you two need to be together all the time." Melina intruders with a humorous gaze. "Besides, she's been here many times before."

"Wow, what? Natasha exclaim surprised, moving away from your arms as you give her a mixture of a guilty and playful look. "Are you two for real?"

Melina signs impatiently, turning away from this conversation as she walks to the kitchen, Natasha following her while complaining about not being fair that she was spending more time with you than with her own daughter.

You would have followed if Yelena didn't come into the living room with some groceries.

"Just saw Nat's car outside, didn't know she was coming." She remarks as you quickly move to help her with the bags.

"Yeah, you better keep these comments to yourself, Lena. " You say and rush to explain as the woman frowns at you. "Your sister is not pleased to know I’m used to came here without her."

"What? Why?" She asks while you two move to the kitchen, but you don't answer as you two meet Melina and Natasha again, still arguing.

"I just don't think it is fair that none of you called me to let me know that my girlfriend was around!" Natasha accuses grumpy making Yelena laugh.

"It's not our fault your girlfriend is nicer than you, poser." Yelena teases as she puts the groceries on the balcony next to you. Natasha lets go of an annoyed sign turning to her mom again.

"Mom, do something! She's mocking me!"

You want to laugh at the scene but you just stay behind, not wishing to upset Natasha anymore.

Melina sighs as she massages her temples with her fingers.

"Please,girls, don't fight each other." She asks as she ignores Natasha's protest saying that Yelena started the whole thing and moved to grab the groceries you and Yelena brought. "I'm making dinner, everyone out my kitchen!"

That's how you ended up outside, with a grumpy Natasha and a smiley Yelena, walking around the back of the house to join Alexie, who was fixing Melina's truck in the back.

"Hey dad!" Natasha greeted as you reached him, the man was under the car and lifted the vehicle in the air to smile at his daughter.

"Tasha! Hey, kid, good to see you!" He said and put the vehicle back down to roll out and stand up. "Didn't know you're joining us this weekend."

Natasha grumbles insatisfy which makes Yelena laugh and Alexei frowns in confusion.

As his girls moved to sit in the bench nearby, you whispered to him: "She didn't take well knowing you invited me over without her."

"But what's the problem with that?" He asks loudly, attracting the attention of the girls, you sign but he doesn't mind. "It's a good thing that we are having trips with you, you're part of the family now!"

Natasha wides her eyes.

"Having trips? Excuse me?" She asks angrily as she stands up. "How many times have you hung out with my family without me?"

"Well…" You started uncertainty, playing with your fingers. Yelena smirks.

"We had that trip to California last month." She counted while Alexie murmured in agreement. "Also went to Philly. She stayed here for independence day too, and we had tacos night last week. Besides that, whenever she's around my mission place I invite her for a beer." Yelena told and all Natasha did was stare in shock at her and yourself.

"Oh, don't forget China. We had that thing too." Alexie added and Natasha signed.

"You're all unbelievable." She accused as she rushed to pass through you and into the house again.

You were uncertain about following her inside.

"Well, that didn't go well." Alexei comments with an awkward posture. "I will try talk to her."

As he left, you moved to sit with Yelena.

"Sorry about that, maybe I should have left you to tell her about the trips." She said but you just signed softly.

"It's okay." You say. "It's my fault for keeping it for so long. She would have found out anyway."

Yelena murmurs and you two fall silent for a moment.

"California was really fun wasn't it?" She asks amusedly, making you smile.

"Yeah, it was."

You two exchange giggles before deciding to go back inside and you busy yourself with helping Melina with dinner.

//-//

Alexei came back alone from Nat's room with a slight grimace that made you worried.

So you decide you should talk to her yourself.

As you reach her room, you knock before coming in.

Natasha was sitting in her window, next to her bed while looking outside. In that position, you understood that she saw you laughing and talking to Yelena in the yard and by the recents events, that might not be the best.

"Are you mad at me, Nat?" You couldn't hold your words as you reached her, and she turned her head to you immediately, a confused frown in her face.

"Of course not!"

You sign in relief, taking a step forward. "Are you mad at your family?"

"Yes."

You take a deep breath. "Do you want me to stop seeing them?"

She gives a short laugh, shaking her head in denial as she extends her hand for you to grab. As you do, she pulls you towards her gently.

"Of course I don't want you to stop seeing my family, sweetheart." She says as she circles your waist with her arms. "I just got mad at them for not inviting me."

"I'm sorry, Nat." You say. "I should have said something, but they didn't and I was worried about sounding rude or something. You know how much their approval matters to me."

She smiles tenderly, her fingers caressing you gently.

"Yeah, that's why you're so sweet and polite all the time, and they love you more than me." She declares, making you frown. "It's fine of course, how couldn't they not?"

"Don't say that, Nat." You ask as you raise your hands to her cheeks. "Your family loves you very much. They just hang out with me because you're not around as much as I am."

"You think?" She questions, sounding so vulnerable that you wish you could banish all her insecurities away.

"Of course, Nat." You state. "We only talk about you, babe. All the time. And we all love to do it because we all love you. "

She gives you a shy smile before pulling you to her laps, making you giggle as she kisses your face a few times before moving away.

"Give yourself some credit, babe." Nat says with a lovely gaze. "You're a very pleasant company and I think they love to spend time with you as much as I do."

You smile before kissing her in the mouth, gently and sweet like this moment. Scenes like this are definitely your favorites with Nat. Along with late nights with her hands running through your body.

"I love you, Медовый." She whispered against your lips.

"I love you too, мой милый воин." You say and Nat giggles.

"Since when you speak Russian?"

"Your mom is teaching me."

"Okay, out."

//-//-//

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