#and years later now that i am no longer 14 ive come to the conclusion: yeah these suck lmao

[odysseys-blood]

The blowjob brothers.

typical conversation between them

[ta1lulah]

yep. so apparently this is what i’m doing with my quarantine time now.

i am going to rank every travis scott song from his studio albums. there are quite a few instances where i find it impossible to put one song over the other, so the top 1-10 is pretty interchangeable to me. including the deluxe edition songs, there are 47 songs for me to rank in total.

this is in no way me trashing trav’s music (if you don’t know me i literally live so far up his ass that if he sneezed i would come out of his nostrils and have done for many years), it’s just something that i am scarily qualified to write about and should entertain me for a while.

just as a quick pre-cursor to the list: birds is my favourite trav album by far and astroworld had a lot of skips for me, so of course that is reflected. if you don’t agree with that i don’t really care; my mind cannot be changed.

yes i am aware that owl pharaoh and dbr exist.

i’ll explain my choices as best as i can, let’s go

47. wonderful

i fucking HATE this song. ruins the entire vibe of birds and the only song on the entire record that i will ever skip. after having the ends as an intro and apple pie closing off rodeo, i just don’t know what this song is doing. it needs to be deleted

46. nc-17

it’s ok. i just always skip it and it’s very plain to me, i’m not mad at it

45. stop trying to be god

SO overrated. i don’t get it at all. boring fucking song to me

44. rip screw

as above

43. carousel

loved it when i first heard it but it got old super quickly and has little replay value to me. bangs when you haven’t heard it in a while

42. coffee bean

in theory i should like it but i just don’t like the execution. i appreciate it but it’s not for me

41. flying high

i know this song gets trashed on a lot and i dont agree with that completely. it’s a good song but again doesn’t have the heavy replay value that the majority of rodeo has (not to mention it ruins the flow of rodeo, in my opinion)

40. houstonfornication

OVERRATED. when astroworld dropped i saw so so many people putting this in their top 3 off the record and i simply don’t get it at all. it’s a solid song but it’s boring, i never find myself putting this song on voluntarily

39. sicko mode

it was inevitably going to come in low. you may know that i dont trash talk drake, but seriously fuck the second half of this song that drake RUINS. i could happily go about the rest of my life without hearing this song ever again. trav’s first verse is the only reason this is not placed in the 40’s

38. ok alright

from this point on i dont dislike any of these songs and this was pretty painful to place. this song goes, but i am unable to place it any higher. it just feels like a (very good) throwaway track that got slung onto the deluxe edition. also q and trav should sound better than this, i think they could’ve made something better than this track together, i wanted their song to sound like it could’ve been on oxymoron (a wholly flawless record).

37. who? what!

i’m actually really fond of this song and listen to it a lot. to me it just sounds out of place on astroworld and was definitely a huncho jack throwaway

36. stargazing

the beat change aged like old milk. i will admit when i first heard this though, i loved it so much. and the feeling you get when the intro to stargazing starts playing before trav comes out on stage is unmatched, so it has a special place in my heart for that alone. in terms of astroworld as a whole, i think it’s the perfect first song for the album

35. goosebumps

maybe ive heard it way too many times, i’m not sure. but it would feel wrong for me to place this in my top 30, i dont find myself putting it on ever. a classic nevertheless

34. pray 4 love

i used to fuck with this song so much but recently it’s just not doing it for me. something about listening to it now just makes it sound corny to me. “wanna know my dick longer than a pringle box” will live on forever

33. wake up

bangs, but again this song is corny as fuck (maybe it’s just the weeknd as i’m seeing a theme now)

32. 5% tint

solid song, can’t put m y finger on it but it just lacks personality, outro is godly though

31. guidance

i love this song seriously, but i can understand why lots of people don’t. it fits perfectly on birds and it’s placement within the album is stunning, but as a standalone track it’s pretty weak. i would love trav to make more songs in this style

30. wasted

this song is slept on, i love it so much. but if the yung lean version had made it onto rodeo this would be a top 10 track EASY.

29. butterfly effect

we all know this song goes, i listened to this way way way too much when it was first released

28. outside

this was painful. the 21 savage feature is flawless, this song is so interesting to me. beat is gorgeous

27. astrothunder

pretty song, didn’t blow me away but i’m super fond of it. the way tracks 11-15 of astroworld play is perfect and really redeemed the album for me

26. 90210

yep. honestly if this is in your top 3 favourite travis songs i have nothing to say to you. beautiful song, second half is stunning, we all know that, but how is this top 3. LISTEN TO BIRDS IN FULL!!!

25. yosemite

i really like this song but i can’t take it seriously because of nav microphone-gate. (u know)

24. lose

i LOVE this song, but it’s not strong enough to be top 20. it’s a cute song, i dont know

23. piss on your grave

this song has such a special place in my heart. the motherfucking visuals!!!

22. 3500

the future verse. that is all.

21. beibs in the trap

the way this is placed on the album are you kidding me?! perfect. and yes, because it’s nav it missed out on a top 20 spot. it is what it is (the trav verse is absolutely flawless in every way)

20. never catch me

this deserved to actually be on rodeo rather than a deluxe track. the production wooooowwwweeee

19. maria im drunk

i cant even put into words the way i felt hearing thug say “travis scott” on this song for the first time. and the fucking justin bieber verse! godly

18. sweet sweet

such a *sweet* little song, i have an extreme soft spot for it

17. antidote

i dont have to explain this.we all know this song. if you havent seen it live all i can offer you is my deepest condolences

16. through the late night

kid cudi means everything to me and this partnership was always going to create something sensational <3 it is everything i was expecting and more (side note: i am coming back to this a couple of days later after THE SCOTTS has been announced, yes my entire life is made, and when the joint album drops best believe i will be writing a several thousand word post about it)

15. pornography

there couldn’t possibly be a better opening track to rodeo. this shit is like onomatopoeia, i know u know what i mean

14. skeletons

travis and kevin parker working together! of COURSE the song is this beautiful!!! i need an entire joint album plzzzzzzzzz

13. the ends

3 stacks. no more needs to be said (actually i will say that the fact that he was supposed to narrate this album like ti did for rodeo and that it never happened routinely keeps me up at night)

12. apple pie

this was my favourite song off rodeo for a loooooooong time. im a loser and still tear up when i listen to the record in full and hear the last lines

11.  no bystanders

purely for sheck’s “BITCH!”

10. can’t say

it’s true i do transcend every time i hear “gotta take a long drive up the hill”

9. sdp interlude

perfect in every single way. how/where it’s placed on the record is breathtaking. would be in the number 1 spot if it was longer

8. nightcrawler

oh the sosa verse really means everything to me

7. pick up the phone

come on now. all i will say is this: experience this song live, do yourself a favour. i have a fantasic video of trav and thug performing this live at wireless 2019, but unfortunately my manic screaming/crying ruins the whole fucking video. so just take my word for it

6. coordinate

i genuinely cant fathom how perfect this song is. i hate to use the word “vibe” but jeez the *vibe* this song gives off is unlike any other. THIS is my favourite style of trav’s music

5. impossible

legitimately get chills every time i hear “split a pack of the woods down”. yes. the production!

4. way back

everything about this song. the  second half. again, see this song live is a spiritual experience. also, i couldnt love this song any more but then uzi samples this and it just gave me a WHOLE other layer of appreciation for it. what a fucking song (both prices and way back)

3. i can tell

just listen to this again. the “take it up another notcher” part. how is it real?!!!

2. first take

SOOOOO underrated. never in my life would i ever think that the sentence “bryson tiller killed that” would leave my mouth but here we are. the way this transitions into pick up the phone.

1. oh my

we made it!!!! honestly i struggled so fucking much to find a #1 but i think it will have to be this song because it is just so sentimental to me. when i first listened to rodeo this was immediately my favourite song off it and it still remains perfect in every way several years on. quavo in the second half of the song is STUNNING, words just dont do anything about this song justice

if anyone read to the end here we go, if you think my choices were fucked up and idiotic feel free to send me hate via instagram dm (@ta1lulah, plug!)

my actual favourite travis song of all time fucking ever is skyfall, but as i put earlier i was only ranking songs from studio albums.

in conclusion, birds is a criminally misunderstood masterpiece -ta1lulah

[husheduphistory]

Buried and Bloodless: The Forgotten War of Napoleon Bonaparte

Beginning in 1803 rotating nations across the world found themselves engaged in a long series of bloody conflicts that became known as the Napoleonic Wars where Napoleon aimed to create a French empire with himself on the throne. His main rival during this turmoil was Great Britain but his tangling with other countries began years before his namesake wars dawned on the globe. Although Napoleon’s dizzying conquest finally came to an end in 1815, not all of the involved countries were able to shake the effects of the wars. In fact, some of them forgot they how deeply involved they even were.

One of the most famous portraits of Napoleon entitled “Napoleon at the St. Bernard Pass” painted in 1801 by Jacques-Louis David.

On August 19th 1796 Bonaparte and King Carlos IV of Spain signed the Second Treaty of San Ildefonso uniting the two powers against the British empire. This union came into play several years later in 1807 when Napoleon called upon his Spanish allies to protect the peninsula of Jutland, which contained the mainland of Denmark, from enemy combatants. Considering their sacrifices and the signed treaty with Napoleon Spain probably never expected to be invaded by the French commander in 1808, but on May 5th of that year he commanded that King Ferdinand VII leave the throne of Spain and hand it back to his father, Charles IV. Once the throne was again held by Charles IV though, Napoleon again demanded the throne be given to someone else, this time to him. With the Spanish throne now in Napoleon’s hand he made some changes, the biggest being that he was handing rule over to his brother, Joseph Bonaparte, a man who the Spanish government and the Council of Castile accepted but that the people of Spain flat out refused to support. 

A portrait of Joseph Bonaparte dressed as a Spanish official painted by  Esménard Inès.

As a result, small local governments began to form but they were lacking a uniting overhead vein to connect them all. A form of central authority came about with the formation of the Supreme Central Junta in the Spanish city of Aranjuez. It was the Supreme Central Junta that took over the war effort and on January 14th 1809, no longer wanting to be on the same “side” as the French whose leader backstabbed their country, Spain signed an alliance with Napoleon’s arch nemesis Great Britain. This union with Great Britain formed a more solid front against Napoleon but there was one big problem. Only two years earlier the Spanish fought for Denmark under Napoleon. Now that the Spanish were aligned with Great Britain, that put Spain against Denmark, a country that still had approximately 5,000 Spanish troops within it’s borders from the previous union.

The retaliation against the Spanish troops left in Denmark was harsh and on Napoleon’s orders the Spaniards were thrown into prisons all over the country. On November 11th 1809 word was spread throughout Spain that all diplomatic relations with Denmark were to be severed but the municipality of Huéscar felt stronger action was needed. The declaration was made and as of November 11th 1809 Spain was officially at war with Denmark.

With the turmoil that was the unfolding all over the globe the news of another war between two countries was not necessarily surprising. However, there was one issue in that Huéscar only had eight municipal guards to offer as a fighting force and without enough men to fight the Danish, the simply didn’t. The war under Napoleon raged on until the French commander was dealt a heavy loss at the Battle of Waterloo on June 18th 1915 and with the signing of the Treaties of Paris in 1814 and 1815 the bloody and devastating Napoleonic Wars finally came to a close, except for two involved parties.

In August 1981 a cultural officer with the regional government in Granada, Spain named Vicente Gonzalez Barberan was going about his day at work when he stumbled on a very old paper. When it was unfolded it revealed a huge and entirely forgotten piece of information. The paper was the declaration of war against Denmark, a war that 172 years later was technically still going on because no one remembered to officially make peace between the two when the Napoleonic Wars ended.

After discovering that the two countries were still at war the people of Huéscar and Mayor Jose Pablo Serrano had to come up with a way to finally bring the completely forgotten conflict to a close. Luckily, when Danish Ambassador Mogens Wandel-Petersen was informed about the discovery he was enthusiastic to do whatever he could to help. He stated to a Granada newspaper “With nearly 200 years gone since this happened, it is very surprising this act of war has not been cleared up. But I don’t think it is ever to late. I will take the opportunity to settle this myself.” And that is exactly what Wandel-Petersen did. The two countries mutually agreed that the best day to sign the long overdue peace treaty was November 11th 1981, exactly 172 years after the tiny municipality of Huéscar declared the war that lasted nearly two centuries without a single shot ever being fired.

Given the sheer bizarre nature of the situation, both Spain and Denmark took the opportunity to have a bit of fun and when Wandel-Petersen arrived he was accompanied by a group of Danes dressed as Vikings with shields that read “Danish Hispanic Friends.” They were greeted by large posters hung by the people of Huéscar jokingly warning the Danes that they were entering enemy territory. 

Some of the Danish visitors dressed as vikings in front of one of the Spanish sign warning them that they are entering enemy territory.

A scene from the official peace signing between Huéscar and Denmark.

Over the course of the day the friendship between the two sides and a spirit of celebration filled the town with many residents of Huéscar being given the day off, an ample supply of free wine being made available, and an exchange of gifts that included the Danish ambassador presenting The Mayor of Huéscar with a photo of Danish Queen Margrethe and children’s books by Hans Christian Andersen and the mayor of Huéscar unveiling the newly renamed Calle Dinamarca – Denmark Street. Finally, a peace treaty was formally signed bringing the calmest of conflicts to an end.

Although no action was ever actually taken during the war and its conclusion was speckled with some fun, both sides were happy to see it over for symbolic reasons. Said Mayor Serrano, “'Not a shot was fired in this war, but I am still glad it has ended.” A sentiment echoed by Mogens Wandel-Petersen who stated, “It is nice to be able to end a war with the world being like it is today.”

[ralphmorgan-blog1]

How I Got Sent To Rehab For Being Too Gay

Flickr / rabble

I grew up as a sassy little boy in Arkansas. My parents separated when I was three or four years old and had an ongoing custody battle for me and my two older sisters until my seventh birthday. I was raised by my sisters, who had to grow up far beyond their years at such a young age. While they were raising me, my parents would use us as pawns in their game against one another. Wed be carted from one parent to the other every other weekend, despite our tears, screaming, and demands for all this to stop. It wasnt our choice; the court had ordered it.

Ive always known that I was gay. In fourth grade I told my best friend that I was in fact a bio-sexual. Yes, I said bio-sexual, and I remember explaining to him that that meant that I liked both boys and girls. He looked at me for a moment, as if planning his next move, and he promptly said that he didnt want to play with me that day. I went home, and the next day I told him that Id just been joking. Though he accepted my excuse, he became my enemy when he rode his bicycle down the street, called out my name, and then spat in my face. Rage filled me as I stomped down the pavement after his bicycle, grabbing at his backpack in anger. It was then that I realized that Arkansas was not the best place in the world for me. I had to get out.

It wasnt until I was 14 years old, after I had read Harry Potter and done copious amounts of research, that I decided that I wanted to go to boarding school. My mother was against these sorts of ideas, coming up with all manner of excuses, including telling me that I was going to die and that Id never see her again. My father, on the other hand, loved this idea, because the only way it could be properly executed was if he had custody of me, a thing he had been seeking so desperately for many years. Years later, I question his motives. Why would he want custody of his son when he was just going to send him off to boarding school? Why would he want kids if he wasn’t going to raise them? But I wanted to go to boarding school, so at the time I didnt care. For the first time, I thought I was finally free.

My freshman year of high school, I attended Stevenson School, a private, co-ed boarding school located in Pebble Beach, Calif. This was an absolute dream. I had finally found a place where I could be myself. I was gay, from Arkansas, and now living in one of the most open-minded states in the nation. By the time Christmas rolled around, I had completely come out of the closet, with minimal resistance from my peers. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had truly found a place that I could call home without the fear or anxiety that my parents caused me.

Spring break arrived, and I traveled back to Arkansas to visit my family. One day my father and stepmother sat me down in the study, a routine they often engaged in when they wanted to catch us children off-guard about a problem that they had with us. This is something that I like to call the sneak attack, where they would gaslight the situation.

My stepmother began. Back at Christmas, your sister found your journal and was shocked by something that you wrote, she told me. We know youre questioning your sexuality, but what do you have to say about that?

I looked from my father to my stepmother and knew my life was about to change. My response: Well, Im gay.

Thats when the frowns began, and I dont think Ive seen my parents genuinely smile at me since. Their questions came at me like bullets: What do you think about the Bible? Dont you want kids? Youre backing yourself into a corner; why dont you wait to decide to be gay when youre 25? I’m far past 25 now and I am most definitely gay.

That summer my father forced me to work as a maintenance man. I had the pleasure of working alongside some of the most ignorant, grotesque men. These middle-aged men would spit homophobic slurs and make sexually suggestive comments about my sisters, and when I used their restroom, I was forced to stare at pictures of naked women that they had posted on the wall. As I endured my own personal hell, I came to the conclusion that my father was somehow trying to butch me up. It was as if he thought that if I spent enough time doing manual labor, listening to crude humor, and keeping away from the arts, the gay would eventually just wash away. It didnt work. What worked was that that I learned patience, perseverance, and the value of staying true to myself. I also learned how to fix a sprinkler system. I chronicled all those days in my LiveJournal that summer. Finally it was time to go back to my boarding school.

My first week back at school, my father and stepmother came to pick me up to send me to rehab for being too gay. I was sitting in biology class when my advisor came to pull me out of class. I asked her if I was in trouble, and she assured me, Of course not. On our way to the admissions building, where her office was located, she casually asked me what Id done over the summer, how my siblings were, and how my parents had been taking my coming out of the closet. I told her that my summer had been hell, that my siblings were grea,t and that my parents werent really handling my coming out very well. As we walked into the admissions building, I could see two men sitting on the couch eyeing me suspiciously (I later found out that they were narcotics officers who had been hired to restrain me and escort me if I tried to escape), as well as my advisors husband and the dean of students. Everyone was just staring at me with the saddest look in their eyes. My advisor then walked me to the door, and I will never forget what she said to me: Im so sorry about whats about to happen. Just know that Tom and I love you. And everyone here at Stevenson does, too. Your parents are here, and theyre taking you away. She then opened the door, and sitting there were my father and stepmother.

My parents told me that theyd hired someone to go through our home computer. Theyd found my LiveJournal, and they were shocked to discover that not only was I gay but I was in fact super-gay. My stepmother looked me in the face and said, You need to butch it up. My father said that theyd also found a profile I had created for myself on a support site for young gay teens. In my biography section, I had said something to the effect of, Since there arent a lot of people in this area, I decided to include myself in the San Francisco area. For this they accused me of soliciting sex online. The wording they used, soliciting sex, made me feel like a prostitute. Additionally, theyd found transcripts of AOL instant messages in which Id discussed with a friend how I would eventually come out of the closet to my younger siblings, who were merely hypothetical at the time. (My stepmother was going through in-vitro fertilization.) Of course, they accused me of wanting to turn my hypothetical siblings gay. I do have younger brothers now, identical twinsbut I’m unaware of what they know about me. I just hope that our parents hate and closed-mindedness didn’t seep into them.

At that point my parents escorted me out of the admissions building, the two narcotics officers holding me by the arms as they led me toward a car. I didnt know why I was being escorted by the two officers; I would later find out that my parents believed that I was on drugs. My peers were watching me as I took the slowest, most humiliating walk of my life. Those two burly men placed me in the car and forced their arms against my shoulders on each side of me so that I was incapable of moving. I felt like a criminal. Then my parents put me on a private plane and sent me to Timberlawn Mental Health System in Dallas, Texas.

As I was admitted into the mental institution, I was visibly upset. Of course I looked crazy, in a Claire-Danes-in- kind of way. I was being put away against my will for being gay, not to mention in a drug and behavioral facility that focused on kids with eating disorders, drug problems, and suicidal tendencies. I didnt belong there. I was stripped of my shoelaces so that I couldnt kill myself with them. I was tested for drugs (it came out negative), given a full-body cavity search (completely clean), and started on a dose of Zoloft that rendered me incapable of feeling any type of emotion. Talk about completely losing every shred of privacy and dignity in a matter of 24 hours. I was a zombie. I was stuck. I was gay and couldnt get out of there.

The kids that I dealt with while in rehab werent the same as me. There was a girl who had tried to cut her fingers off with childs scissors in order to kill herself. There was another girl who had tried to kill herself by wrapping shoelaces around her throat; she was forced to sleep on a mattress on the lobby floor so that the nurses could keep an eye on her at all times. I was the only kid in the unit who was allowed to go to sleep at night with his or her door closed. Several times staff members asked me why I was there, telling me that they thought I seemed pretty level-headed for a teenager. I told them that I was gay and that my parents werent ready to accept it. I was a minor, though, and there was no way of controlling my own destiny when it came to getting out of there. Luckily, I was discharged on my fourth day. I called my parents, thinking that theyd be happy for me and would return me to my boarding school. I was wrong. They were too busy to pick me up, and I was forced to stay there for a full week.

The next facility I was admitted to was Meridell Achievement Center, located outside Austin, Texas. This was a longer-term stay. An alternative program would have been something like Outward Bounds Intercept program, which takes troubled youth on camping adventures in order to teach self-sufficiency and survival skills. I like to describe the differences between these types of programs in MTV terms: Meridell Achievement Center is like The Real World, with youth living in the confines of a safe, structured environment, often fighting (in group therapy in our case), whereas Outward Bounds Intercept program is more like Road Rules, with a group of individuals forced to work together on adventurous outdoor tasks.

I actually enjoyed Meridell Achievement Center, in a Stockholm Syndrome sort of way, because although I was there against my will, the staff assured me that they werent going to try to turn me straight. They asked me what sort of treatment I wanted instead. So I decided that instead of becoming a straight man, I would become more assertive. Over the month and a half that I was at Meridell Achievement Center, we would chronicle our treatment via journaling and a group session called Goals and Feelings. This is where we would sit around in a circle and discuss what our goals and feelings were for the day. This was an extremely cathartic experience. I read the dictionary for fun and worked on my vocabulary.

Eventually my parents began to call and ask me how I was doing in my treatment. They were always vague about why I was there and what I needed to do in order to get out of there. They just kept telling me, You know what you have to do. Work on your treatment. Whatever that meant. After Id been there for a month and a half, they would call and ask, So when do you think youre going to get better? My response was that there wasnt anything wrong with me. Because the facility was so expensive, they once again decided to send me to another facility, for a much longer stay.

I arrived in Sutton, Vt., to attend the King George School upon the first snowfall of the year. If there is a hell, Im convinced that its actually cold and in Vermont. KGS was somewhere between a boarding school and a rehab facility. It was kind of like a prison for shady kids. I was essentially stuck there until I was 18 years old and allowed to discharge myself. Though Im still friends with some of the kids I met there, I was surrounded by misfits. It was horrible. I had a roommate who defecated on the floor, forcing us all to evacuate the dorm for health code reasons. I had another roommate who poked my eye with his penis while I tried to sleep. There was a girl who decided to eat my puzzle pieces so that I wouldnt be able to complete it. These kids were far more troubled than I was as a hormonal gay boy. During my first four months there I didnt receive any kind of psychiatric treatment whatsoever, and then the appointed psychiatrist declared me completely stable and normal. He even told me that I never deserved to be there in the first place. But how to get out?

I remember during Christmas, my parents and my sister came to visit me. They took me off campus to stay at the Wildflower Inn just outside of town. We were having dinner one night and all having a glass of Chardonnay, which only furthers my point of the absurdity of me being in rehab in the first place. The candlelight was dancing across our red faces when my stepmom blurted out that I was an accident, meaning I wasn’t a planned pregnancy between my father and mother. When I asked my father if this were true and if I were a last ditch-effort to save his marriage with my mother, he solemnly answered, Yes.

Finally, after 279 days of rehab, I was released back into the wild. As it turned out, the person who convinced my parents to let me return to Stevenson School was the very woman who had helped my stepmother through her first divorce back in the 1990s. That must have been one hell of a mental breakdown, because that was my ticket back to the place that I loved, the place that had accepted me unconditionally, the place that had made me the strong-willed, no-holds-barred, wonderful gay man that I am today.

As for my relationship with my parents today, Ill tell you this. I called my father the other day and left him a voicemail. I had left him a voicemail every day all summer long, begging for help financially because I don’t know when I’m going to eat next or let alone be able to pay my bills or rent. He hadn’t answered or returned a single phone call. I finally called and asked him if he wanted to have a relationship with me at all. He called me back and began to list all the ways that I had manipulated him over the summer in trying to receive help. Mind you, I suffer from and seek help for major depression and PTSD from childhood and adolescent abuse caused by this man. I am also a recovered alcoholic and have a little over two years of sobriety. By no means am I trying to manipulate the situation, but he instead gaslights the situation and backs me into a corner to make me feel that I had. I let him know that I felt the same about him with this situation on the phone. He did say he wanted to have a relationship with me in the end, but based on his actions and words, he doesn’t. He has five children and he could care less about any of them. Why have kids if you aren’t going to be a father?

In terms of my recovery, I drank a lot because of my memories of my childhood and the experiences I had while in rehab. I have explored in trauma therapy one in particular that had me at the bar almost every night staring into the mirror ahead of me sipping on whiskey, replaying the events from childhood. At the age of three, in his truck, propped up against the steering wheel, the pleas to, Come on, and Quick. That’s the man who sent me to rehab for being too gay. He’s a hypocrite. He sickens me. He’s a monster. And I might as well be done with him for good.

I never got the chance to come out of the closet on my own terms, so I would like to take this opportunity to let everyone know, Looks like I relapsed, because Im still gay.

More From this publisher : HERE

=> *********************************************** Original Post Here: How I Got Sent To Rehab For Being Too Gay ************************************ =>

How I Got Sent To Rehab For Being Too Gay was originally posted by A 18 MOA Top News from around

[pamphletstoinspire]

EPISTLE OF ST. PAUL, THE APOSTLE, TO THE Galatians - From The Latin Vulgate Bible

Chapter 4

PREFACE.

The Galatians, soon after St. Paul had preached the gospel to them, were seduced by some false teachers, who had been Jews, and who were for obliging all Christians, even those who had been Gentiles, to observe circumcision, and the other ceremonies of the Mosaical law. In this epistle he refutes the pernicious doctrine of those teachers, and also their calumny against his mission and apostleship. The subject matter of this epistle is much the same as of that to the Romans. It was written at Ephesus, about twenty-three years after our Lord's ascension. (Challoner)

Chapter 4

Christ hath freed us from the servitude of the law: we are the free-born sons of Abraham.

1 Now I say, As long as the heir is a child, he differeth nothing from a servant, though he be lord of all:

Notes & Commentary:

Ver. 1. By the child, in this place, the apostle understands all the Jewish people, who, as long as they were under the childhood of the law, were subject to numerous restrictions, although they were the favorite children of God. But when the fulness of time came, they received the adoption of children, and were in possession of the liberty of the law of grace. They were no longer obliged to observe the legal rites. Whence the apostle wishes the conclusion to be drawn, that if persons once subject to the law were now exempt from it, how much more will those be excused from its yoke, who were never under its control. (Calmet)

2 But is under tutors and governors, until the time appointed by the father.

Ver. 2. No explanation given.

3 So we also, when we were children, were in bondage, under the elements of the world.

Ver. 3. Under the elements of the world. St. Chrysostom understands the exterior ceremonies and precepts of the law of Moses, with an allusion to the first elements or rudiments which children are taught. (Witham)

4 But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent his Son, made of a woman, made under the law:

Ver. 4. The fulness of the time. That is, the time decreed by Divine Providence. --- God sent his Son made of a woman, who took a true human body of his virgin Mother. --- Under the law, as he was man, because he was pleased to make himself so. (Witham)

5 That he might redeem those who were under the law: that we might receive the adoption of sons.

Ver. 5. No explanation given.

6 And because you are sons, God hath sent the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying: Abba, Father.

Ver. 6. Crying, Abba. That is, Father; Christ taught us in prayer to call God our Father, he having made us his adoptive sons by his grace, and heirs of heaven. (Witham)

7 Therefore, now he is no more a servant, but a son. And if a son, an heir also through God.

Ver. 7. No explanation given.

8 But then, indeed, not knowing God, you served them, who, by nature, are no gods.

9 But now, after that you have known God, or rather are known of God; how turn you again to the weak and needy elements, which you desire to serve again?

Ver. 8-9. You served them, who by nature are no gods. These words are to be understood of the converts, who had been Gentiles. --- Known of God. That is, approved and loved by him. (Witham) --- The language of the apostle in this verse is not perhaps strictly precise. The Galatians, whom he addresses, had been converted from paganism, and of course were never subject to the law of Moses. But the apostle, by these words, entreats them not to begin now to serve these weak and useless elements, (as he calls the Jewish rites) or by this expression he may mean (as St. Chrysostom and Theophylactus explain it) the tyranny of error and wickedness. (Calmet)

10 You observe days and months, and times, and years.

11 I am in fear for you, lest, perhaps, I have laboured in vain among you.

Ver. 10-11. You observe [1] days, &c. These false teachers were for obliging all Christians to observe all the Jewish feasts, fasts, ceremonies, &c. Some of the later reformers find here an occasion to blame the fasts and holydays kept by Catholics. St. Jerome, in his commentary on these words, tells us that some had made the like objection in his time: his answer might reasonably stop their rashness; to wit, that Christians keep indeed the sabbath on the Sunday, (not the Jewish sabbath on Saturdays) that they keep also divers holydays, and days on which great saints suffered martyrdom, (let our adversaries take notice of this) but that both the days are different, and the motives of keeping them. See St. Jerome, tom. iv. p. 271. (Witham) --- This text cannot mean to condemn the feasts appointed to be kept holy in the Catholic Church. For on the festivals dedicated to our Lord, St. Augustine writeth thus: "We dedicate and consecrate the memory of God's benefits with solemnities on solemn appointed days, lest in process of time they might creep into ungrateful and unkind oblivion." And of the martyrs thus: "Christian people celebrate the memories of martyrs with religious solemnity, both to move themselves to an imitation of their virtues, and that they may be partakers of their merits, and helped by their prayers." (Conta Faust. lib. xx. chap. 21.) And of other saints thus: "keep ye and celebrate with sobriety the nativity of saints, that we may imitate them that are gone before us, and that they may rejoice in us, who pray for us." (In Ps. lxxxviii. Conc. 2. in fine.)

Note 1:

Ver. 10. St. Jerome on this verse, p. 271, dicat aliquis, nos simile crimen in[]urrimus....observantes diem dominicam....Pascha festivitatem, & Pentecostes []ætitiam, & pro varietate regionum, diversa in honore martyrum tempora consti[]uta, &c.

12 Be ye as I, for I also am as you: brethren, I beseech you; you have not injured me at all.

Ver. 12. Be ye as I, for I also am as you. I add no word in the translation, because it is uncertain what is to be understood: some give this construction, be you as I am, because I also was, as you now are; and they expound them thus: lay aside your zeal for the Jewish ceremonies as I have done, who was once as zealous for them as you seem now to be. Others would have the construction and sense to be: be you as I am, because I am as you; that is, be affected to me, and love me, as I have still a true affection and love for you, which is agreeable to what follows, you have not offended me at all. (Witham)

13 And you know how, through infirmity of the flesh, I preached the gospel to you heretofore: and your temptation in my flesh

14 You despised not, nor rejected; but received me as an Angel of God, as Christ Jesus.

15 Where is then your blessedness? For I bear you witness, that, if it could be done, you would have plucked out your own eyes, and would have given them to me.

16 Am I then become your enemy in telling you the truth?

Ver. 13-16. Through infirmity of the flesh....and your temptation in my flesh. St. Jerome thinks the apostle had some bodily infirmity upon him. St. Chrysostom understands his poverty, and want, and persecutions, and that some were inclined to contemn him and his preaching on these accounts. Yet others among them did not esteem him less: they received him, respected him as an Angel of God, as Christ Jesus; they would have given him their eyes, as one may say, and all that was dear to them. He puts them in mind how happy then they thought themselves, and asketh why they are now so much changed? (Witham)

17 They are zealous in your regard not well: but they would exclude you, that you might be zealous for them.

18 But be zealous for that which is good in a good thing always; and not only when I am present with you.

19 My little children, of whom I am in labor again, until Christ be formed in you.

20 And I would willingly be present with you now, and change my voice: because I am ashamed for you.

Ver. 17-20. He tells them this change comes from the false teachers among them, who with a false zeal would exclude them from a friendship and a submission to St. Paul, and deprive them again of that Christian liberty by which Christ, and the faith of Christ, had freed them from the yoke of the Mosaical law. On this account I must labor and travail, as it were to bring you forth a second time. How do I now wish to be with you, to change my voice, to exhort you, to reprehend you, to use all ways and means to regain you to Christ? --- I am in confusion about you,[2] I am perplexed, as the Greek signifies, as not knowing what to say or do. (Witham)

Note 2:

Ver. 20. Confundor in vobis, aporoumai. See 2 Corinthians iv. 8. &c.

21 Tell me, you that desire to be under the law, have you not read the law?

Ver. 21. No explanation given.

22 For it is written, that Abraham had two sons; the one by a bond-woman, and the other by a free-woman.

Ver. 22. It is written in the law, that is, in Genesis, (chap. xvi. and chap. xxi.) that Abraham had two sons, &c. that his two sons, Ismael, born of his servant, Agar, and Isaac of his wife, Sara, in an allegorical sense, represent the two testaments or covenants, which God made with his people: that by Ismael was represented that covenant of the former law delivered to Moses on Mount Sina, by which the Jews were made his elect people, yet as it were his servants, to be kept to their duty by fear of punishments; but by Isaac is represented the new covenant or testament of Christ, given at Jerusalem, where he suffered, where the new law was first published; by which law, they who believe in Christ were made the spiritual children of Abraham, the sons of God, and heirs of the blessings promised to Abraham: that Sina, the mountain in Arabia, hath[3] an affinity with Jerusalem, and with her children, who remain under the servitude of the law of Moses: we cannot understand a conjunction, or an affinity, as to place and situation, Sina and Jerusalem being near twenty days' journey distant from each other; therefore it can only be an affinity in a mystical signification, inasmuch as Jerusalem was the capital of the Jews, where the children of those who received the law on Mount Sina lived still under the servitude of the same law: but Christians, who believe in Christ, must look upon themselves as belonging to Jerusalem, and not to the city of Jerusalem upon earth, but to the celestial Jerusalem in heaven, which is our mother, now no longer servants and slaves to the former law, but free, being made the sons of God by the grace of Christ, and heirs of heaven. And these blessings were promised to all nations, not only to the Jews, of which the much greater part remained obstinate, and refused to believe in Christ, but also particularly to the Gentiles, according to the prophecy of Isaias, (chap. liv.) rejoice thou that hast been barren, like Sara, for a long time; i.e. rejoice, you Gentiles, hitherto left in idolatry, without the knowledge or worship of the true God, now you shall have more children among you than among the Jews, who were his chosen people. (Witham)

23 But he that was by the bond-woman, was born according to the flesh; but he by the free-woman, according to the promise.

Ver. 23. No explanation given.

24 Which things are said by an allegory. For these are the two testaments. The one indeed on Mount Sina, bringing forth unto bondage, which is Agar.

Ver. 24. No explanation given.

25 For Sina is a mountain in Arabia, which hath an affinity with that Jerusalem which now is, and is in bondage with her children.

Ver. 25. Qui conjunctus est ei, quæ nunc est Jerusalem, sustoichei te nun Ierousalem. See Budæus, Estius, Mr. Legh, &c.

26 But that Jerusalem, which is above, is free; which is our mother.

Ver. 26. No explanation given.

27 For it is written: Rejoice, thou barren, that bearest not; break forth and cry out, thou that travailest not; for many are the children of the desolate, more than of her that hath a husband.

Ver. 27. No explanation given.

28 Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are the children of the promise.

Ver. 28. No explanation given.

29 But as then he, who was born according to the flesh, persecuted him who was according to the spirit: so also now.

Ver. 29. St. Paul makes another observation upon this example of Ismael and Isaac: that as Ismael was troublesome to Isaac, for which he and his mother were turned out of the family, so also now the Jews insulted and persecuted the Christians, who had been Gentiles; but God will protect them as heirs of the blessings promised: they shall be accounted the spiritual children of Abraham, while the Jews, with their carnal ceremonies, shall be cast off. (Witham) --- This, says St. Augustine, is a figure of heretics, (who are the children of the bond-woman) unjustly persecuting the Catholic Church. (Ep. 48.)

30 But what saith the scripture? Cast out the bond-woman and her son; for the son of the bond-woman shall not be heir with the son of the free-woman.

Ver. 30. No explanation given.

31 Therefore, brethren, we are not the children of the bond-woman, but of the free; by the freedom wherewith Christ has made us free.

Ver. 31. No explanation given.

[viralhottopics]

41 People Confess The Secret Theyll NEVER Tell Their Significant Other

Found on AskReddit.

1. Our son is not his, but his brother’s.

That our son is not his, but his brother’sbecause his brother stayed with us for a period of time before he found a job, and when he would go on business trips his brother would lay in bed with me.

2. I’m gay.

I’m gay.

3. I might be gay.

That I might like guys as well.

4. Her best friend is better in bed.

Her best friend is better in bed…

5. Ive jerked off to the thought of her sister.

That my girlfriend’s sister looks kinda like porn star Gianna Michaels and that I’ve jerked off to Gianna Michaels’ scenes but imagined my girlfriend’s sister.

6. I don’t love him anymore.

That I don’t love him anymore.

7. I think its time to break up.

That I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways because we are not right for each other.

8. I feel unappreciated and unloved a lot of the time.

How unappreciated and unloved I feel a lot of the time.

9. I think hes boring.

That I think he’s boring…Im pushing him more to go out and meet new people and find hobbies he’s interested in, also for the sake of his mental health, but I just really don’t want to be the only person coming up with ideas for activities or having friends to meet up with.

10. Ive become a closet alcoholic in response to her alcoholism.

That I’ve become a closet alcoholic due to the stress caused by a) her losing her job because of her own alcoholism and leaving me the sole burden of keeping a roof over our heads and b) helping her maintain her sobriety. The irony is crushing me.

11. My wife is stupid.

My wife is stupid and I hope she’ll never find out. I love stupid people. When 2+2 = rocket ship its impossible to predict anything. It keeps the relationship fresh.

12. I secretly want to peg my boyfriend.

I secretly want to peg my boyfriend.

13. I think about suicide…like, a lot.

I think about suicide…like, a lot. I don’t have any plans to go through with it, but I’m currently living with some major medical problems. I have chronic pain, and I need help for a lot of day-to-day activities. It’s bad enough that I have days where I think about ending it, but as much as I’m hurting, I couldn’t do that to my wife or my family.

14. Im no longer in love with her.

That I’m no longer in love with her but she’s been suicidal and I’m scared of what will happen if I tell her…

15. I’m pretty sure we’re on the path of breaking up.

That I’m pretty sure we’re on the path of breaking up. Not right now, not in a week, not even in a month but that’s where we’re going. I know he loves me but I don’t think he’s in love with me anymore and I also think he hasn’t realised this because there isn’t really someone else he likes. Once he realizes this or someone he likes more comes into the picture, we’re done.

16. I was the one who ate her leftovers.

One time I ate her leftovers and when she asked if I knew where they went I said no. I still feel guilt about it to this day.

17. I masturbate a lot.

How much I masturbate. He thinks it’s like a few times a month — a conclusion he came to on his own and I never corrected. It’s really a few times a week.

18. I am an atheist.

She was religious, I pretended to be religious, too. I am an atheist.

19. I still smoke cigarettes.

If I’m away for whatever reason I will have a few cigs. She thinks I quit years ago but all I want is to smoke, endlessly. Like that episode of friends where chandler smokes a carton.

20. I have $100k in a secret, separate account.

I have $100k in a secret, separate account not to hide it from her but to be the hero if we ever need it in an emergency.

21. Sometimes I pretend to go to work.

Once in a while I pretend to go to work but instead I’ll go have breakfast while my wife goes to work then once she texts me she’s at work I go back home and chill all day watching Netflix or playing Fifa.

22. I really REALLY don’t want to move to her hometown.

That I really REALLY don’t want to move to her hometown when my current contract is up. There’s not much work for me there and what little there is is badly paid. Add to that that I’ll know nobody, that I don’t speak the language all too well, etc. etc….

23. I’m glad when sometimes he is away on a business trip.

That I’m glad when sometimes he is away on a business trip. It’s nice to be alone sometimes. I’m an introvert.

24. I watch porn sometimes when he isn’t home.

That I watch porn sometimes when he isn’t home.

25. Im in tons of debt.

How much debt I’m actually inour finances are completely separate so it’s not hurting him or his credit score…I would be completely embarrassed if he knew just how often I was completely broke by the next payday. if it stay on course, I should be good in 10 months….just paid one thing off this month, and have 8 payments left on 2, and 10 on anotherthen all I will have is my car paymenthopefully then I can start making extra payments on either his jeep or mine.

26. Im afraid Im not enough for her.

How insecure I am of not being enough for her. It burst out twice and she confirmed I am more than enough but the feeling that she deserves better doesnt leave.

27. I’m attracted to women twice her age.

That I’m attracted to women twice her age.

28. I was sexually assaulted.

That I was sexually assaulted. Not something that comes up in everyday conversation, and something that is especially hard to reveal to someone you are currently engaged in a sexual relationship with. Always a fear that they will somehow see you differently. I was only able to admit it to my ex after we broke up.

29. I stalk his ex on social media.

I stalk his ex on social media and have no idea why.

30. I dont need sex.

That sex is not something I want or feel I need. I love him. He’s attractive. I enjoy the intimacy but not the actual act. It’s not him. I often just feel… not sexual. I could take it or leave it but it means so much to him (understandably so).

31. I don’t like crowds of people.

I don’t like crowds of people. But when he wants to go mingle at a party or gathering I keep the fact that I wish I was anywhere else to myself.

32. I have a gambling addiction.

I have a gambling addiction. We don’t yet live together and it so far has no effect on her. I’m doing my best to break it before it becomes a problem for both of us.

33. I still smoke pot.

That I smoke pot even after I said I quit a few years ago, I know its no big deal in this day, but it is to her.

34. I legally changed my name when I was 18.

That I legally changed my name when I was 18. I just dropped my first name and made my middle name my first name. I moved after high school (I never ever liked my name and I wanted to change it since I was 12). He hasn’t met any of my childhood friends or family and we’re going back to my hometown in April so he can meet them. But I’m nervous. I don’t expect people that knew me up until 18 to call me by my new name all of a sudden but I’m also sure they’ll be surprised that he calls me by my new name. Maybe I’ll just tell him the truth or say that the name they call me is my middle name and everyone just called me that for some reason. And I’ll tell my childhood friends/family that I told everyone to call me by my middle name when I moved away since they all know how much I hated it.

…my family/friends don’t know I legally changed my name either. Just one, and that’s because I needed someone to testify that I’ve lived in my province for longer than a year.

35. I had an abortion.

That I had an abortion.

I was young, in an immature relationship and in no position to be able to look after two lives.

I’m now in one of the best relationships in terms of love and friendship and we have the most beautiful daughter together.

Maybe I’ll tell him one day. Just maybe.

36. My life would be over without her.

That my life would be over without her and I’ll never find someone better.

37. I cheated on her while she was in jail.

My current is the first few months we dated she got put in jail for a month, and I cheated on her with a girl who I used to work with that I’d ran into. Wasn’t planned thing, we hung out alot, they knew bout each other..One day .One thing led to another and..I broke it off w friend a day later BC I wasn’t bout to lose the hpoa I had.

38. I will eventually break up with her because she does not want kids.

That I will eventually break up with her because she does not want kids. It’s killing me to delay the talk because things are so good, but that right there, is a deal-breaker for me. I figure I’ll tell her after this summer since we planned a vacation.

39. I want her to be bisexual.

I want her to be bisexual.

40. I put all the stuff on the high shelves just to see her butt when she reaches for it.

That I put all the stuff on the high shelves, in the wrong place, on purpose just to see her butt when she reaches for it to put it back.

41. Im a straight dude, but I really want to try sucking a dick.

I’m a straight dude who’s happily married to a woman, and I really want to try sucking a dick.

Read more: http://ift.tt/2lc9dUl

from 41 People Confess The Secret Theyll NEVER Tell Their Significant Other