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happylittlegremlin · 1 year ago

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While I am not in any way a big Tolkien-head (is that what they call them?) what is fascinating about all of these details is they were probably all features Tolkien himself saw during the Great War.

We all know that he based "Lord of the Rings" off of his opinions on industrialization, his own traumas during the war, and colonialization. That is also why Tolkien's Middle Earth has hit so incredibly well for such a long time. Unlike some other fantasy series and worldbuilding, Lord of the Rings isn't purely about the lore of this fantastical realm. It's about these wide-fundamental themes, these ideas and stories which aren't just to add onto this mythological lore, but almost say something human society.

Again, I'm not a Tolkien-Leather-Foot (that doesn't sound right), and maybe I'm overlooking Tolkien's history of linguistics and his desire to build fictionalized world purely for the fact they were fictional, but I think there is something to this idea--that stories can't always just be about lore, but must have some sort of theme to it.

Like, look at Star Wars--specifically the sequel trilogy. Regardless of how you feel about the films, I'm pretty sure we can say with a wide consensus that those films can't really hold up to long-term fame. They will probably be remembered as these divisive films which ultimately "ruined" a trilogy of originally good movies.

Now, there are a lot of reasons for this, but I do believe one of the reasons they fail in legacy is because they aren't really about anything other than Star Wars. They say nothing. If you want that in your films or believe that's good cinema, then congratulations--maybe I'm wrong.

But I don't think I am. Now, sure, one can indicate this idea that "fascism bad" or "extremism can go ary", which are very valid themes, but they aren't really the BIG THING. The BIG THING is "HAN SOLO IS DEAD" and "OH MY GOD! LUKE SKYWALKER!".

These films are built off of the legacy OF Star Wars--which in itself was a commentary on the Vietnam War and later sequels would explore things like destiny, familial relationships, and the effects of fascism and war on a give people.

The prequel series--which has been gaining love lately--is about the messiness of overly complex governments, the ways dictators and fascists can enter into democratic governments.

Star Wars, usually, is about stuff, a commentary on something--otherwise known as HAVING THEMES.

So back to Lord of the Rings. Why bring this all up? Well, it's because of conversations like this. Conversations between multiple Tolkien-Big-Fiery-Eyeballs (I think I got it this time). These small discussions over simple character items and the generic politics of Hobbits.

It's about how we can empathize with these fictional characters in a fictional world which was made and published over a century ago. This story written by a British war veteran suddenly has become one of the most popular, high-dollar series in the world. That says something. It says something about fantasy which I have been asking myself for such a long time.

Why do you read it? No, even better: why do we write it?

Because it's interesting: duh.

Well, yeah, but also because it's an escape... right?

Sometimes. Sometimes it's an escape and other times it isn't. Sometimes we read these books which are completely disconnected from us, but other times we sit down and read a novel about this immigrant Count, killing innocent women, and being a pervert. Sometimes that novel hits home into our hearts and suddenly we're afraid.

Obviously I'm talking Dracula, which makes sense, but I'm not just talking about that. I'm also talking about Harry Potter (I don't support JK Rowling) and Percy Jackson and Hunger Games and all the other books out there which make us feel seen.

It's escapism, but only for a little bit.

So, why do we write and read fantasy? Well, maybe because there is something beautiful about seeing ourselves in something unusual. When an author makes a world, completely unlike our own, but yet we can see ourselves in it, there is something beautiful in that. There is something beautiful about relating to two hobbit climbing up a mountainside trying to save the world. Something beautiful about them letting go of their normal lives and facing the end head-on. Something that transfixes our gaze, something which makes us feel... human?

Tolkien wrote this all down after his time in the first World War and it shows. He is writing about normalish people being thrusted into something so terrifying and large that it is hard to conceive. About a time so bad that people thought that all wars would be over after this point (they were sadly wrong). And he writes about people--unreal people who aren't even human, but people nonetheless.

When I can crack open a novel and I can see my world, but distilled into something else, I suddenly don't feel as afraid anymore. When you can look at a book and see your politics, your war, your problem, maybe even yourself in this different perspective, suddenly we feel better. When I turn on the movies and see Luke Skywalker fight against this terrifying force of fascist dread, I can--consciously or subconsciously--see myself in the rebellion. I can see how it feels to be the hero. I can suddenly understand what power I have to fight against it: hope.

I know I'm rambling, but this is Tumblr and I go here to ramble, but it really is nice to understand a little bit more of fantasy. That fantasy works well when it has a message. And it feels even better to understand that fantasy is almost a conduit for that message to be told in a different way. Because, if I can see two aliens falling in love, suddenly I understand love better--that, according to this author, love goes beyond species. I feel sympathy for the Devil when I believe he's just a man with daddy-issues. Suddenly, I can walk into the darkness of the world falling apart knowing that even if I'm hurt, if I'm changed, and people die--I can live through the trek up the mountain.

Then again I don't know. I'm not a Tolkien-Tolkien.

I DO QUICKLY WANT TO NOTE THAT I DID TAKE A LOT OF WHAT WAS SAID ABOUT DRACULA AND STAR WARS FROM THIS VIDEO. IT'S FROM MIA MULDER AND SHE IS A WONDERFUL VIDEO ESSAYIST!!!

A LOT OF THE POINTS KIND OF DROPPED OUT OF MY MOUTH AND I REALIZED IT MIDWAY THROUGH!

THOUGH MY ANALYSIS WAS EFFECTED BY HER ANALYSIS OF STARS POLITICS, ALL MY STATEMENTS ON THE MEANING OF FANTASY WERE MY OWN!!!

OK BYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

One thing in Lord of the Rings I’ve found extremely relatable lately is how the hobbits react to apocalyptic horrors by focusing on the mundane details of their day.

“Looks like we’re on a hopeless journey into Hell in the middle of a world-ending event where everything we know and love will be destroyed. What are we going to have for breakfast today, Mr Frodo? :D”

#overly long rant #no idea if this makes sense #tolkein lived by the beatles #meow #haz a great day #edited to adjust some points and add links

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lilydalexf · 4 years ago

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Circe Invidiosa

Circe Invidiosa has 11 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files stories at her website. Some of my favs I’ve recced here before, like Make It Worse and Slap a Goatee On Me and Call Me Evil. She also made a bunch of X-Files collage art, including some cover art for fics (hers and others), which you probably saw if you were reading fic back when authors posted fics on their own websites where art could be shared. Big thanks to Circe Invidiosa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Well, it would surprise me if people did read my fic. As it happens, I don't hear much feedback from my fic these days. Probably because the bulk of it is on Gossamer and my own site rather than AO3. Also, I was never a BNA. I worked a lot behind the scenes – hosting other authors' sites and making fanart and dustjackets. I think that's what I'd be remembered for, if anything.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience?

I miss the collective excitement and discussions we had as groups. When you got in with a group in the XF fandom, you felt like you knew everybody there. Now the fandom feels a little faceless except for the people I still follow from my old groups.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Most of my experience was on Yahoo Groups. I joined Scullyfic while it was still there and then E-muse when it became an e-mail list, which I'm still a part of. I was part of several Yahoo Groups (can't remember all of them now), where I'd post my fic, RealPlayer slideshows (remember those?!), and collages. I never really took part in discourse because I'm shy and don't think anyone cares about my opinions (still don't!). The e-mail address I used for those groups was purged a couple of years ago, so I've lost all those messages.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

My take away is that fanfic made me a better writer, thanks to having some great betas, and it made me a better professional writer for it (my real-life work is writing but not fun writing) because I learned to take criticism.

I also used to make a lot of fanart, collages and dustjackets for fic mostly. My big take away from that was that I really got into graphics and I got super proficient at Photoshop, which helped my own artistic endeavours and photography. I didn't realize how much skill I had developed until I've had to help someone with their graphics or photo editing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

My mother was watching X-Files before I was and she was raving about it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, but one thing she was usually right about was TV shows. It's where I got my love of Sci-Fi.

I think the first episode I watched was Ice, which definitely hooked me. As for when the shipping started, I remember we were watching Lazarus, and when Mulder was yelling at Lula (I had to look that up) about hurting the hostage Scully, my mom said, "Oh, he's so in love with her." And I was all, "What?! Pfff." But then I could not stop thinking about it. And then I thought about it way, way too much.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I was in my late 20s, and it was around the end of S7 and I kept thinking about what if these two dumb idiots actually talked one day. And I kept thinking about dialogue in my head about what they'd actually say. The internet was still in its infancy back then, but I'd seen fan sites here and there. So I decided to search around to see if other people were talking about it and thinking about it like I was. I was such a noob I'd never even heard of fanfic. Imagine my delight when I discovered it. I found a few stories and thought, 'Well, I can do that.' And I wrote up my first story, found a place to post it (wasn't Ephemeral the best?), got some kind feedback, found a really nice person (not sure she wants to be named since she used her real name in the fandom back in the day) who encouraged me a lot and directed me to all the e-mail lists and Yahoo Groups that I needed to be on, and then, Bob's your uncle, I wrote more and more.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Periphery. Most of my experience in any fandom is now on Tumblr because that's where my attention span is. Show me pretty pictures and funny stuff. I am old now and don't want to think hard.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Veronica Mars was my next fandom experience. A number of my XF friends got me hooked on VM. The VM fandom was a LOT younger compared to the XF fandom. When I joined the XF fandom, I was the kid compared to most of the other fans who were all goddesses and royalty in my eyes. But in the VM fandom, I was in my 30s and the rest of the fandom were all in their early 20s if not younger. It often showed, so I stayed out of discussions and just posted my fic once I started writing it. I took a new handle (invida) when I started writing VM fic. Just in case these kids felt like my writing sucked, I didn't want it getting back to the XF fandom that I’d branched out and failed spectacularly.

By then fandom experiences had moved over to LiveJournal. I never really got involved in the discourse or the fandom fights. I knew what people were saying and where the schisms were, but I was all about the fanfic and the pretty pictures. Most of my LJ friends just discussed the episodes and posted their fic and that was good with me.

What got me writing fic for VM was Anjou's brilliant VM fic Into the Blue. Seriously, if you love VM S1, read her fic. Just so beautiful.

VM was also where started writing a WIP, which was a wild trip. I wrote a much-loved WIP called Damn, Damn the Circumstance which people still ask me about finishing to this day. Someday…*wistful sighs*

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Scully. She was everything! Lapsed Catholic, degrees in science, skeptic, always trying to work within the rules but still not taking crap. Yeah, she was the best.

Veronica Mars was great until she wasn't. I have a lot of issues with her beyond S2. And don't even talk to me about S4. For me, S1 was the best, I enjoyed the movie, the books were okay, but nothing else happened after that. NOTHING.

And the first character I ever loved was Princess Leia. She was also everything to me growing up. I wanted to be her. I still do.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Now and then. Not as much as I used to. I sometimes have it on in the background when I'm doing other things. Back before the pandemic, my BFF and I would have get togethers where we would play Scrabble, eat a lot of candy, and binge several XF episodes. I miss doing that. Hopefully, we will get back to that soon.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I am not an active XF fanfic reader right now. I will read any stories my friends put out. Otherwise, I only occasionally read some I come across on Tumblr in my feed, but I am not seeking them out. I will beta for any XF author who asks me as well.

I am reading fic in other fandoms though – Endeavour, Broadchurch, Sherlock…huh, I'm just realizing that's a lot of British stuff. I have been really into British detective series for the last few years.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I used to run an XF fic recommendation site called How Will It End usually with at least one other person (I went through at least 4 partners on that project because I'm a control freak). We'd compile our recs and then I'd post them on my site. We'd also feature authors we really liked and interview them. Not unlike these interviews!

I'm terrible at giving feedback/comments. So I solved that problem by making a rec site. That way I could tell authors I loved their fics by recommending them. I didn't have to comment, I'd just say, 'I'd like to rec your fic'. And then they'd get promotion. Win-win. Back in those days, the fandom would absolutely roast you for promoting your own fic, so to get on a rec site was a big deal. Not that I had a popular rec site or anything. But I think authors really enjoyed being asked.

All that to say I've liked a lot of fics. I can pull up the archives of HWIE and show you all the faves I liked. :)

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Back in the day, E-muse would hold Improv Challenges, where other members would give you a prompt that you had to include in your fic. I was always really proud of the stories I created from those challenges (No Earthly Means and Elephant in the Room if you want to read them).

I enjoyed writing Dead to Rights which is an XF/Dead Like Me crossover because I loved the challenge of writing a crossover. It was the first crossover I ever tried writing even though I only recently published it.

Otherwise, I like re-reading In a Graveyard, Importuning Life for Life, and Some By Virtue Fall. Of my more recent fic, I like Slap a Goatee on Me and Call Me Evil because the premise was ridiculous and I think it's funny as all get out.

Probably my favourite of my VM fic was Stay Outta Riverdale. Because: 1. The title is a Simpsons reference who doesn't love a Simpsons reference? And 2. I think I was hilarious throughout it.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I'm always open to writing more fic (and, of course, I don't mean my WIPs…don't look at me like that). Lately, my only motivation has been from writing prompts on Tumblr. I haven't had anyone give me a prompt in over a year, so here we are. I have snippets of dialogue in journals and word documents that have never found their way into stories. I'd be happy to dust off any of those and shoehorn them into a new story.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

The last fanfic I wrote was a mini-fic over a year ago (with a prompt from Lilydale!). I've written a bit of original fiction but I haven't been able to finish it. Otherwise, I do have a number of real life hobbies which are where my creative outlets lie now.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Lately, challenges and prompts. It used to be from wanting to see more from a scene. I really had a thing for fill-in-the-blanks or scene continuations. And sometimes my motivation is just plain old spite. :)

What's the story behind your pen name?

Circe Invidiosa is the title of a painting by John William Waterhouse. Love the colours and the absolute malice on the face of the subject. It felt like a good pen name – the envious witch. That's me!

I chose it when I posted my first XF fic (which I cringe to read now, ugh so terrible) without knowing there was already a Circe in the fandom. Whoops. I tried to go by the full Circe Invidiosa or Invidiosa as much as possible after realizing that (invidiosa is my url and my username on a lot of sites, etc.). Now I think that I've been around long enough that it doesn't matter as much but I still like it.

As I said, I took the name Invida for the VM fandom which is just a shortening of Invidiosa.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My significant other knows and that was quite a reveal (oh how awkward). However, the SO has been very supportive and has read all my stories since the reveal and sometimes betas them. The SO also wants us to collaborate on writing some original fiction but we haven't found a project that works for both of us creatively or timewise.

My BFF knows because I dragged her into the online fandom. We've known each other since we were 14, but our love of XF really solidified our bond in our 20s. She wrote some short but sweet fics under the penname Helen Quilley which I bullied her into posting, and we wrote Of Ladies Most Deject and Wretched together. She is mostly embarrassed that she wrote fanfic now but we still fangirl together.

No one else really knows other than fandom folks I've met in real life. And some friends know I've written 'short stories' but I don't elaborate. I work in a stodgy, uptight industry where anything fun or actually having a life is frowned upon.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Over the first lockdown, I got my shit together and got my fic site, invidiosa.com, up and running again. My site houses fic by Rain (now @doctorhelena on Tumblr and AO3), Helen Quilley, ML (who I miss so much), Folieadeux, Shelba, TLynn, Oracle, Piper Sargasso, Diehard, and me. And I made all their dustjackets (except Folie's). The site got hacked a few years back and it was so much work to get running again that I put it off for years and years. I still feel terrible that I did not get the site back up before ML passed away, especially when ML had asked me about it a few months before she passed.

Anyway, all my XF fic is here: circe.invidiosa.com. I have 3 of my newer XF stories on AO3. And my fic-LJ also has some of my stories. Some of the newer stories are on Tumblr but the tagging is so erratic that I'd have to list several tags before you'd find them all. I don't know why I haven't moved everything over to AO3. Probably laziness.

I'm @invidiosa on Tumblr. I'm still on E-muse. I'm still on LJ. I'm always reachable by e-mail (invidiosa at gmail).

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, writing, and commenting. It is always appreciated.

(Posted by Lilydale on January 5, 2021)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #circe invidiosa

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lassieposting · 4 years ago

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Hi i havent read the books post-resurrection so im kinda lost on why you dont like phase 2 val? She was easily one of my favourite characters ever, she was flawed (and the books took time to acknowledge them) and relatable and still really admirable (intelligent, brave, loyal) and i really liked her and really appreciated that she wasn’t perfect unlike every other young adult heroines. What went wrong😢😢😢😢

Okay I'm gonna put this under a cut because I very strongly dislike phase 2 val and I know it bugs people who don't feel the same, so. Dead dove dont eat

Okay so first off, phase 1 val and phase 2 val are completely different people. literally. phase 1 val was based on an ex-friend of lardo's who used to apparently be involved pretty heavily in like, editing the books and "she'd react like this" or "val wouldn't say that", and that val she was one of my favourite fictional characters from when book one came out to the release of resurrection. phase 2 val is based on his whiny little girlfriend who likes to start shit with 14yos on twitter, and you can absolutely tell she is no longer the same person. so the long story short of "what went wrong" is "the original irl val's friendship with dirty laundry ended for whatever reason and he decided to retcon her entire personality to suit his gf"

Phase 2 Val, in my opinion:

Weak, like won't even fight back when she gets jumped bc boo fucking hoo she's so awful, bitch get up already, nobody signed up for ur pity party

Whiny. So fucking whiny. All the time. And she's the POV character so it's inescapable.

"Pacifist" but in a really pathetic virtue-signalling kind of way like "Oh, I've done such terrible thiiiiiiiiiiings I'm so awfulllllllllllll look how good I'm trying to be nowwwwwwww pay attention to meeeeeeee" kind of way, it was both boring and a massive eye roll. It's a book about magic and asskicking. Kick some ass. We're here for escapism not "realistic" whining. Yes, irl she'd be a mess. As an author it's his job to strike a balance between the "realism" he wants to portray and making his readers so depressed and done with his heroine that they quit reading, and in my case, he absolutely failed.

Everything must be about her at all times. Skug is having personal problems? Fuck him, they're about her now. Everything is about how it affects her, and her feelings, and be damned to the person actually having the problem. Fucks phase 2 val cain gives about anyone except herself: 0

Bitter and jaded. Which yeah I get why but it's like jesus christ what do we get out of reading about this? It's not even good bitter and jaded where it makes you empathise or admire her strength in adversity or whatever, she's just become a really nasty person with no redeeming features that I could see. Which? Landy outright said she's based on his gf? If your boyfriend is gonna drag ur entire personality through the dirt like that and write "you" as just a collection of incredibly negative traits...yikes.

Really ungrateful about the awesome life she leads? Which bugs me bc I fucking hate mundanity and knowing that all there is to life is fucking working and bad mental health. I would kill to live her life. All she does is moan about it. Like? Quit then. Fuck off back to being a mortal if it's that bad and live the shitty life you wanted to get away from in the first place. That way we'd get no more books, and quite honestly, thank fuck for that. But anyway, she needs to pick one, stick with it, and stop complaining about whatever she chose.

The girl wallows in self pity. And if someone else isn't indulging her enough, she'll wallow harder and louder and more obviously. Yawn.

Her POV is now so depressing to read that Resurrection literally tanked my mental health. I'm not kidding. I fell off the self-harm wagon, the suicidal thoughts came back, reading her dissociating would make me dissociate, I just did not cope whatsoever. Being in her head was just like being in my head during my worst points, and I hate myself, so naturally, I hate her too. Like I get why some people like phase two val. I get that her depression is "realistic" and that trauma does just make some people completely dislikeable and self-pitying, and if people want to read about that, then...sure. you do you, my dudes. But I live that reality, I am that person whose trauma made her a dysfunctional, isolated bitch, and I hate, passionately, having it infest the media I consume to escape.

Essentially if I wanted to engage with a bitter, spiteful, depressed piece of shit in her 20s who pushes everyone away and sucks at everything, I'd live my gd life. Yall see me tryna engage with my real life? Hell nah I'm on tumblr dot com burying my head up the ass of whatever fandom will force my brain to produce some s e r o t o n i n and that is what I need this series for

Also? The dynamic she had with skug in phase one? "Until the end"? "You save me, I save you, that's how we work"? Forget that, it doesn't exist anymore. I stopped reading after Midnight, because she was written like he was a coworker she could barely tolerate. They went from "Lardo confirms on twitter that they talked on the phone a bunch while she was in america and he'd always ask her to come home" to "she comes home and proceeds to blank him for five months while she sits in her fuckin multimillionaire's mansion feeling sorry for herself". Their friendship completely disintegrated, they were totally separated for most of the book, she's written as not giving a single shit about him. She treated him like dirt, and their dynamic basically felt like it was becoming "Local Man With History Of Gravitating Towards Abusive Women Makes Same Terrible Choices For Fifth Time" and? that was the point of no return to me. he supports her unconditionally, no matter what he's going through at the time, he's walked on broken bones to try and get to her when she was in danger, she can tell him anything and he'd never use it against her. I did not, for one second in phase two, believe she felt the same about him. tbh it felt like she could - and wanted to - drop him at the first opportunity and not even feel bad about it, and that's not the dynamic that made me so emotionally attached to phase one. i signed up for "until the end", not whatever bullshit phase two has going on.

Apparently she's "less depressed" now and their relationship is "better" in the books published since midnight, which! might well be true. but I haven't read them and don't intend to, and she's gone from one of my favourite fictional characters ever (which! was impressive! because i almost never bond with the female lead - i normally get attached exclusively to the character i crush on, which would be skug here. val was the first female lead i actually cared about since xena! so im deeply salty about losing her!) to a character i? honestly prefer to pretend doesn't exist. i live in war era dead men/generals crackship land because that way, i don't have to acknowledge her or the fuckin character assassination phase 2 pulled on her.

so yeah, no hate towards phase one val at all. phase one val was awesome and flawed and gave me something to aspire to despite my shitty mental health and trauma, and if she'd kept her original personality she might still have been those things. but the original "real life" val is no longer involved (and doesn't talk to landy at all anymore, apparently), and the val based on landy's insufferable gf? i cannot get behind her at all ever, four for skug and none for phase two val cain bye

(tldr; you're not missing anything by quitting after spx)

#skulduggery pleasant #valkyrie cain #anti-val #extremely anti-val #but like only anti-phase two val #bc phase one val was great and i loved her #come back friend!laura val needs you #lardass can't write her without ur input

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bao3bei4 · 4 years ago

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i have basically covered the material in this post several times on my twitter. but this is, in my opinion, the only s*xy t*mes with w*ngxian take you need.

(cw transphobia, transphobic slurs, antiblack racism, mentions of csa and bestiality in fiction)

edit 6/10/21: hi! i’m realizing people are still reading this! this was written in response to aja romano’s vox article on the fic that was published in late february of this year. i had been frustrated with how their article seemed to miss the point in many ways, because they never talked about the substance of the fic. which, i mean, fair. i wouldn’t want to read a 1million word fic either.

but i already had, so i thought i’d write about some things that i believed needed to be part of the conversation. namely, that its author wasn’t a harmless troll, but a person i genuinely disliked who i believed should be deplatformed.

i think virtual1979 is a bad person.

i think a lot of people mainly know about sexy times the phenomenon more than they do sexy times the fic itself. i have the dubious honor of being one of the few people who has actually read large portions of the million word fic, and that’s why i wanted to write this meanspirited hit piece.

the fic is down right now and the author’s notes and comments have both been deleted, which is why i cannot provide screenshots. however, these are all quotes i have saved from when the fic was online, and i’m happy to talk with anyone if you feel any of these quotes are mischaracterizations of the fic.

i also want to be clear this is not a “callout post” and i’m not trying to “cancel” them or whatever. i am just explaining why i don’t like them, why i don’t feel bad they’re being harassed, and why i do not find them sympathetic at all, and perhaps why you should also adopt these stances.

let’s start with transphobia.

sexy times with wangxian is transphobic. this much is apparent from the tags. virtual1979 tagged the following: F*tanari, d*ckgirl, Sh*male. they use this language in the chapters that include a character with both a vagina and a penis.

they refer to this character (wei wuxian) with the pronouns “he-she.” the following excerpt is a fair representation of how this wei wuxian is referred to in the chapters where wei wuxian has a vagina and a penis.

[Lan Zhan] would never be turned on by a female, and he would actually be turned off by a drag queen - but this… this Wei Ying, it’s Wei Ying, and he-she looks [...]

i know these words are common in porn categories, but they are also slurs. virtual1979 also uses hermaphrodite to refer to this set of anatomy, which is not strictly a slur, but definitely a stigmatizing choice of language.

they have repeatedly made clear they are not open to criticism. they have also since removed the comment section. making an intersex character for the express purpose of using transmisogynistic language towards them in your million word porn fic isn’t annoying the way their tags are, it’s actively fucked up.

fanfiction has a transphobia problem, and if we’re talking about sexy times with wangxian in any capacity, we must be clear: sexy times with wangxian is part of that problem too.

secondly, virtual1979 is also complicit in ao3’s racism problem.

i think the way they write about chinese characters and settings is annoying and racist, but they are a malaysian chinese person, so i do have some sympathy for them. i am committed to having some patience for people who are annoying if they themselves are working through the prejudice they have faced.

they’ve commented as much:

Not gonna lie, this fic has been a steep learning curve for me despite my roots being Chinese as well, but I have absolutely zero knowledge in some of these aspects!

and i’m happy on some level they can get in touch with their roots. who among us has not been cringe and diaspora. any criticisms i have of their portrayal of chinese people will stay private and be made to other people of color.

i’m going to be clear here i don’t think the actual comment they made makes them super evil or anything. but this essay IS clearly in response to That Article, which did mention racism in fandom. so.

i think we have all seen the infamous karen comment they made, in which they compared people who criticized their tagging with “Karens,” equating antiblack state violence to... mean comments on ao3? and “SJWs,” which, eye roll. no ageism but you’re 41 why the hell are you complaining about sjws

anyway. i am deeply frustrated by the co-option of the word karen. a stand-in for a particular type of racist violence white women specifically can and do inflict has become fused with that reddit-type mommy issue “can i speak to the manager” internecine white resentment.

so their trivialization of antiblack racism is another reason i don’t like them. again i KNOW it’s petty to point this out here, but this to me shows that virtual is afflicted with the same kind of fandom brainrot that aja is, where everything comes back to that same sort of self-centered bullshit.

sorry for that jab. julian told me that aja thought that cql was about callout culture and all i could think was “wow! just like virtual thinking that--” because i also have spent too much time on twitter this week.

this is just like. part of this ongoing pattern i’ve noticed with virtual, where they’re aware enough of real problems to acknowledge they exist (police violence, accessibility issues caused by their tagging) but are determined to double down on their minor relative persecution as king, shittily drawing parallels between like... real problems and fandom problems. equating the two or allowing the second to take priority over the former is like... par for the course for this type of person!

third, this is just another clarification on more parallels between ao3 discourse and sexy times that went completely unremarked on by That Article.

i would rather DIE than get into discourse. but why did they write this sentence:

Lan Zhan’s rational mind finally broke with a tsunami of pedophilic lusts [...]

by the way that is the start of a 430 word sentence. and yes this fic does contain hundreds of thousands of words of aged down wei wuxian. make of that what you will.

also why would you make wei wuxian teach baby chickens how to sexually pleasure him. do you hate these characters. what’s going on. i think mxtx should be able to sue virtual for that one.

there’s a very obvious connection between mainstream ao3 discourse and sexy times that went completely unremarked on in That Article. sexy times contains multitudes and some of those multitudes are bestiality and explicit childfucking.

this is not unrelated to fannish culture, they are not unfamiliar with fannish norms, blah blah blah. this is just normal fandom. they’re not subverting shit, they’re just a normal fan who unlike 99% of fanfiction writers on twitter, spends more time writing than posting. this has taken their fannish tendencies to cartoonish heights.

finally, they don’t care about mdzs or wangxian. they’re literally just horny and spiteful that’s it. this isn’t a question of like... “ohh they were a good faith participant in fandom until they went joker mode” and the REAL villain is society/ao3. like no they wanted to write shitty porn, and when they found out they were annoying people, they decided to double down because they could be the main character of the mdzs ao3 tag every time they found a spare hour to write.

here are some select receipts on that topic:

they do not care about canon:

MDZS has quite a complicated and expansive plot and history, and enough content that one can choose to tune out certain parts and still get to the end of the story in one piece. Also, because of its source, some fans may not fully realize the nuances, cultural aspects (ooh, cultural appropriation is another triggering topic) or the full breadth and depth of the source material, such as a person like me, who is half-baked in terms of knowing what the canon universe is all about. So I end up playing with characters and settings technically borrowed from the story, and make them do things that would otherwise run counter to the original source material - and that draws quite some flak from those opinionated people I mentioned just now. It's part of what makes the fandom toxic. It's like they're the self-appointed guardians of the source material and they act like they own the rights to question such questionble fanworks, and dare I say, try to take down those that cross certain lines too.

they are just horny:

After that giddines of extra drunken Lan Wang Ji scenes at the beginning, I'm blessed with Lan Wang Ji (Wang Yibo's, actually) fuzzy nips! Bless Bless Bless, and Amen! muahs the nips on the screen

anyway they did get nuked over wishing covid on people.

so yeah. i want to be really clear. this is my thesis: i do not feel bad for them. you should not either. i do not like them. you should not either. that’s ALL!!!!

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rpbetter · 3 years ago

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someone i rp with keeps sharing hcs about my own muses that don't fit with what i believe and every time i say i don't agree with that, that my hc about that situation is "whatever", they get kinda sulky, but its usually over small things like 'your muse has no fashion sense' and not big stuff (which i did shut down the second time they did bc it almost triggered me) so i don't know how to address the pattern without sounding like a bitch

Oh, no...I'm sorry to hear that, Anon! That is an uncomfortable situation right there!

I'm going to go ahead and preface the bad part here - if they're sulky about you correcting them like you've said, there is a high chance you're going to sound like a bitch to them. No matter what you do, I mean. No matter the reality of how politely you've addressed it, if they're viewing this in a negative light already, that's unlikely to change. They want to keep doing what they're doing, do not see the problem with it, and apparently, don't care how uncomfortable it is for you. Unfortunately probable that shutting them down is not going to be received well.

Just be aware that, while I'm going to try to combat that specifically in this suggestion, it is possible that it's going to happen anyway. Know that addressing it is the right choice regardless! The way you're feeling is not okay, it needs to be addressed, and preferably before they do make you so uncomfortable and frustrated that you stop caring about how you come off to them. In the end, the variable in how one is perceived is important, and that variable is always the person on the other end and their particular attitude, biases, and so forth. At some point, you have to say that you approached it reasonably, maturely, and politely...the rest is up to them, out of your hands.

What I'm saying is that if they want to be pissed off at you and take it the wrong way? You did your best, you're not being a bitch, and you have a right to have an issue with this behavior of theirs. If they freak out about it, they're someone you're better off losing.

Alright, so, since it's expressly part of the concern you have that you don't want to sound bitchy, let's try to concentrate on that!

A good way to subvert that idea is to try to make it clear how this is making you feel. Make this the basis of why it is a problem. Remain positive sounding but honest about it.

So, let's say, you want to say something like, "it really pisses me off when you make stupid headcanons about my character, you're making me so fucking uncomfortable with this, stop." True, but not positive. Likely to make them defensive and to hurt their feelings (as it's also possible that they're doing this because they want to be really into your character and you, despite all the full irony of clearly not knowing jack about your character).

Instead, try something like this:

"Hey! I need to talk to you about something." If they're not online currently, consider adding a respectful, "It's important, so, I'm going to just leave it for you to respond to whenever you have time. Hope that's alright, I'm not trying to stress you out or anything!"

- Then, you can proceed to the problem.

"I really appreciate that you are so into my muse that you want to create headcanons for them, that's a nice thought. It's a problem for me, though. I don't want this to come off the wrong way, which is why I haven't said much about this before. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that it was something I was comfortable with, I was just worried about hurting your feelings."

- Even if you don't entirely feel this way, you're not lying...this was a concern, you didn't want to come off hateful to them, a thing undoubtedly making you even more uncomfortable, putting you in a worse position. By phrasing it in a way like this, you're heading off ideas about being unappreciative (of something you didn't want lol I know, but people have weird ideas) and callous. Instead, expressing concern for how they feel and appreciation that they're this interested in your muse and being a part of your creativity - we just want them to keep it to the threads, and, hopefully, they're not also into godmoding.

"It is really uncomfortable for me, though. This is my muse, I'm pretty invested in them, and I don't want other people writing their headcanons. They've been inaccurate before, and at least once, I did have to say something to you because it was close to triggering for me. It's not always that serious, but it can be offensive in some of the ways these headcanons are inaccurate. Those are important parts of my muse, no matter how small or silly seeming they are. It's a little hurtful, and I'm not going to lie, makes me a bit upset to think that you don't care when I've tried to talk to you about this before."

- Alright, you've told them how you feel, but were not hateful about it. Now, give them the desired outcome and more honesty, avoid coming off as giving them an ultimatum - even if you are. Because you absolutely are, just politely.

"Anyway, I appreciate having you as a writing partner and am happy that you are interested in my muse, but I can't feel this uncomfortable all the time. I think maybe we just weren't addressing it as directly as we should have been? Sorry again if I wasn't clear enough or anything. Could you please stop writing these headcanons? If there is a headcanon topic you are interested in, I would love to write it, just let me know next time and I'll do that! We can create things together that way, and in what we're writing together. Otherwise, I really do need to be the one doing the development on my muse to feel comfortable. I hope you understand!"

- You've said a couple of times politely that you need them to stop this, if it doesn't stop, they'll have to go, while reiterating this is personal comfort problem for you. You appreciate what they're trying to do here, but it's got to stop. There is an acceptable alternative that has been offered in having them send you a topic for a HC instead, as well as a reminder that you are involved in creating something together in your interactions.

Just, you know, make it sound like you, not me! Take those points and write them out in your own way, use it for inspiration as to how to discuss this.

Now, either they're going to stop...or they're not. Them being kind of "whatever" about you having an issue with this is concerning. As in, I think they're likely to not stop it. However, you've at least laid down the problem, offered solutions, and told them it's not a situation you're willing to continue dealing with. So, if/when they do it again, you can feel a bit better about either dropping them or messaging them with a, "hey, we've talked about this, it isn't cool. If you do this again, that's it. I'll have to unfollow." They've made their choice, you're not the one in the wrong here.

Total honesty, Anon? I'd be annoyed enough to drop them at this point lol so you already have more patience than I do!

Yeah, they're not unlikely to feel you're being "controlling," but that's outrageous. Look, it's your muse. That means your muse to create and/or develop as you, and only you, see fit. Other muns and muses can/do/should contribute to our characters' development, but they don't do it by overstepping like this mun is. They do it with conversations you have together about the muses and by writing with you, not by writing your muse for you.

I think, sometimes, muns feel strangely entitled to a muse because we're so used to picking up the fiction of others and running with it (canon muses and universes, fic, fanart, etc.). Don't ask me why anyone would think it was appropriate to rewrite what you've either picked up in this way or created entirely yourself lol it's just an observance. I know I've experienced it on muses canon and OC alike, and there is this attitude that I don't want to share or something? Okay, when that original fiction is published, if you want to RP as my OC, go for it. Alright, if you want to write this canon your way, no one's stopping you, but this is the way I'm writing them.

Nothing about that is unreasonable! Even if it is a canon, that's still your unique take on them, it isn't okay to do this. The only time it's alright to make a HC for someone else's muse is when you've come to them and asked if something discussed in jest or just casually about the thread (maybe an event we didn't see play out, as an example) can be HCed by you. If something like that happens, and they accept happily? Great! Totally acceptable and normal thing that happens in RP!

This is...not.

Again, I'm really sorry you're experiencing this! I wish you the best of luck, it's a tricky situation, and it doesn't sound like they're a particularly caring person. More like they have a real self-interest problem going on.

Hope for the best, expect something less than that, but don't let it impact your tone when addressing it. If they get irrationally upset at you for politely asking them, yet another time, to stop doing this, get rid of them, Anon. No one deserves infinite chances, and you deserve to enjoy your RP!

#answered #anonymous #rp problems #rp advice #rp help #mun interaction #headcanons #boundaries #queued

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epochxp · 4 years ago

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Epoch Xperience Interviews Nordic Weasel Founder, Ivan Sorensen

Mr. Sorensen needs no real introduction to many miniature wargamers. His company, Nordic Weasel Games, has taken the historical miniatures gaming world by storm, and he’s become the force on Wargames Vault. His formula of “substance over flash” has produced good games for a very reasonable price, and he has taken full advantage of PDF technology to produce a quality product one can buy and have in your (virtual hands) the next day.

Without further ado, I give you Ivan Sorensen:

Biography

My name is Ivan Sorensen, and I am a game designer and self-publishing writer of miniatures games, as well as the odd role-playing game. Under the moniker of Nordic Weasel Games, I have worked as a game writer for close to 7 years.

I am an avid player of board games, miniatures games, role-playing games, video games, and anything else I can get my hands on. I have spent half my life on this planet in Denmark, where I was born, and half in the United States, where I currently reside. I am married, have one kid and two cats named Scruffy and Lancelot.

Unlike a lot of historical games writers, many of my formative miniatures gaming experiences actually came from science fiction games, so I suppose that has given me a little bit of a different perspective.

So, how did you get started in writing rules? Was there an “aha” moment, or did you fall into it?

At the risk of sounding cheesy, I have basically always created little dice and board games for myself, using Lego pieces or other things that we had available, usually based on video games I had read about in magazines or other ideas like that.

When I was 12 or so, I remember getting a copy of White Dwarf magazine from a local gaming club I had joined, and it blew my mind. We had some limited exposure to the idea of space marines and all these things from the Milton Bradley Hero Quest and Space Crusade board games, but the idea of battle games played without a board, using miniatures and dice was too much to resist. I knew I had to get into this, and as I had no money for it, I sat down to write a game I could play with my Space Crusade figures, which would look as much like what I imagined Warhammer 40.000 would be like.

Since then, I had pretty much always been the “rules guy” in the gaming groups I was part of, whether we were playing miniatures games or RPG’s, so it just came naturally over time, I suppose. As I got access to the internet and later got access to ordering things from the UK or US, I devoured every game I could get my hands on and was even remotely interested in.

The start to writing games that were any good was my own attempt at creating a World War 1 game system (titled Trench Storm). I had shared it online, and to my great surprise, it began catching people’s attention and got a (very) small following, with people even purchasing miniatures to play it. Eventually, I was contacted by the US distributor for IT Miniatures, who offered to print it to promote their 20mm figure range. The rest is, as they say, history. Once in a great while, a copy of that game still pops up on eBay, it seems!

How did Nordic Weasel Games come to be?

So that story took place right around the time I moved to the United States. After moving, I had a lengthy period where I did not have my work permit yet, so game writing seemed like an obvious distraction, resulting in Fast and Dirty, a sci-fi rules set that you still see mentioned online here and there.

As the years went on, I kept tinkering and building things but mostly for my own enjoyment. Sometime during the fall of 2013, I started seriously working on a new game system for WW2 skirmish actions that I felt had some real potential to go places. At the time, I worked at a relatively dead-end middle management job at an incredibly toxic information technology company. You know the sort of job, where you have been there for too long, and you hate every minute of it.

Come the spring, I decided to take a gamble that I could make enough money from game sales to make it worth pursuing and quit. I figured if I could find a way to do it without putting money on the line, then if it all bombed, I could just walk away and find something else to do in life.

Consequently, Five Men in Normandy was released on June 15, 2014, and as of today, we are still here!

What is in the future for Nordic Weasel?

Hopefully, many big things! The biggest priority for 2021 specifically is to get into print books, though there are a lot of stumbling blocks in terms of layout requirements and so on.

I always keep a list of projects I would like to do, though I try not to talk about them too much in case they fall through. I am the sort of guy who always starts with 20 ideas, so by the time the unworkable ones have been weeded out, there are 2 or 3 left.

What I can say is that I am actively looking at fantasy miniatures battles, and I would love to do more WW1 and Black Powder era gaming material.

The real big question is that I am also very much at a point where there are just too many things to do it all alone. I cannot write 4 or 5 new games, support an entire back catalogue, and update old titles all by my lonesome, so I look forward to trying to solve that in the future. I suppose this is a good problem to have, but it is certainly also an intimidating one!

Is there a period of history you want to write rules for but have not?

We have worked extensively with the two world wars and the black powder era in general, as well as 20th century-to-modern era battles, and with Knyghte, Pyke and Sworde we even delved into medieval warfare.

The one that stands out as something that would be fun to do is World War 1 air combat, complete with goggles and scarf flapping in the wind. A little romanticized sure, but great fun, and there is a lot of fantastic models available.

For a historical era I have not touched on at all, I would say that while I have done games that cover it among other 19th century conflicts, a dedicated American Civil War set is something I would be very keen to do.

There are a lot of fantastic rules out there for the period, of course, but I feel like the “Weasel” approach of being solo-friendly and campaign-oriented could carve out a nice space of that market. Plus, I find the era quite fascinating. Growing up in Denmark, I was never really raised with a particular view of the conflict, but having married into a proud Vermont family, it is, of course, unavoidable.

Can you tell our readers what goes into rules writing?

I think this is something that is intensely personal, and the rationale for writing something can be varied: It may be due to sensing an opening in the hobby space that does not seem to be catered to currently. It may be that I have a personal passion for a given setting or era, or it may simply be that I have a clever game mechanic and want to build a game around it.

The process for me usually starts with sketching out a page or two of keywords, mechanics, and things I’d like to hit on a notepad. Then I work on building it out with simple sketches for the main areas of the mechanics: Activations, movement, shooting, morale, and so forth. Basically, carving out the cornerstones of the game system. At this stage, it is entirely possible it feels like it’s not going anywhere, and it goes in the bin.

If the core idea seems to have merit in this skeleton form, it’s time to test it out with some generic troops and see if it actually feels fun on the table. From there, you just build out from it: Get other people to read and play it, read it out loud to yourself, etc. Figure out what parts need ironing out and improving and which are good.

It is really all an iterative process. Once I know the game has legs to stand on, I start writing out the table of contents in advance, so I can “fill in the blanks” as I go. If I know I am going to have a section later for off-map support, I can keep that in mind when I am developing each piece of the mechanics and so forth.

Eventually, any project hits “The Suck (TM).” This is whatever part you hate doing the most, whether it is layout or proofreading or points systems or whatever. For me, it is terrain rules, funny enough. I never read that section of a rulebook, and I never enjoy writing it, but you must. “The Suck” is where your game will probably die because if you let it overcome you, you will put the book down, and every time you click on the word processor, you will immediately be faced with it. The best way to defeat “The Suck” in my experience is caffeine and not letting up: When it starts rearing its ugly head, it is time to keep going and don’t stop until you are through with it.

Has desktop publishing and PDF only supplements changed the face of the hobby? Has it affected the quality of the product we see today?

Absolutely yeah. It’s not that long ago that a game being available in PDF was a novelty, whereas today, if a game is NOT available in PDF, you are going to lose sales.

I think the barrier of entry has also dropped dramatically. Even a basic word processing package can churn out a PDF document that you can distribute online or sell. Of course, with proper page layout software, you can achieve much greater results (as some of my friends are rarely missing a chance to tell me), but you need to examine what your skill limit is. Any tool has a skill cap, to borrow a video game term. If you are not currently good enough at what you do to push up against the limitations of your software, burning 200 dollars on new apps will not make your books any better.

It is funny, though, because the wargaming field is so diverse in the type of things we see. You can pick up relatively big-name games that are incredibly plain-looking: Black and white, no art, rudimentary layout. Then right next to it, you see a PDF that is full-color, original artwork, and gorgeous. And the two can be viewed as equal value to the audience.

Of course, eye candy DOES sell, but I think once you are beyond the Warhammer circles, gamers become a lot more content-focused.

What are your favorite historical periods and why?

The 19th Century, the two world wars and the Russian Civil War.

Really, the whole era from circa 1910 to 1925 or so is fascinating to me: It is, of course, the transition of the old, romanticized world to the world of modern warfare, as well as being incredibly diverse in the sort of things you can see. The Russian Civil War sees tanks and armored cars, partisan bands, nationalist militias, Red and White guards, Cossack cavalry armies, Anarchists, and anything else you can shake a stick at. It is really a wargamers heaven for finding odd units to model up on the gaming table.

Honestly, my love of history, in general, comes from one source: “All Quiet on the Western Front.” I think anyone with a passion for history has that moment where they realize that history is not about abstract concepts and kings and dates but is about real people who lived and breathed and had dreams and hopes. “All Quiet” was that for me, and it left a life-long impression on me when I read it as a teenager a few years from the age of the characters in the book.

What do you see for the future of historical miniature wargaming?

Oof, that is a dangerous question. I think I managed to predict the rise of “Warband” level games (games where you play a small force in skirmish actions and with some level of character progression between games). Right now, that idea has set the fantasy and sci-fi miniatures scenes on fire, with everyone churning out their own version of the concept.

In historical gaming, there are elements of it, but it has not been embraced to the same extent, possibly due to the grognard bias against skirmish games. I think if I had to put money on something, I would say watch out for historical skirmish games with campaign aspects or character progression in the next year or three.

I also think solo gaming is going to continue to gain in popularity and respectability, with more games developed primarily or even specifically for solo play. I am super excited to see this field because there is a lot of things that can be done here with how enemies arrive on the table, fog of war, and so forth, which is not possible in a conventional opposed game.

Playtesting, how important is it?

Very, but it’s also very misunderstood. I see people post all the time on forums about how they have been testing their game rules for 5 years. That sounds very impressive, but if you are only getting together 3 or 4 times a year in that time frame, you are basically starting over each time. Additionally, just playing the game with your own group is fine to iron out the basic problems of a game, but it will lose its value very quickly.

To get actual feedback, give the game to people who cannot ask you questions and let them figure it out. Now your text must stand on its own feet and must work without you being there to explain the intentions. That is the real test. I would say three games played by strangers is worth more than ten games with your usual Saturday group.

Of course, tracking down people who can understand the rules, will play the game, [and] report back to you, AND aren’t crazy is a challenge. If you post online, 50 people will say they would love to, and of those, two will read the book. Once you find reliable people who can give you good feedback, cling to them for dear life.

What are the benefits and pitfalls of self-publishing your own wargaming rules?

The biggest advantage is, of course, that you are in charge. What you want in the book goes, if you want a supplement, it will happen, and so forth. Additionally, your game will reflect what you wanted it to be. I think in [self-publishing], you get a lot clearer creative visions and indie gamers tend to gravitate towards that: A game that has something to say on the topic is extremely attractive, even if you disagree with a particular conclusion.

I try to do as much myself as I can, though, of course, I do rely on outside sources for things like artwork, feedback, etc. Part of that is that this way, I know I can support the product down the road: If I want to fix a rule where we came up with a better way of doing it, or I want to add a new section, I can do that.

The downside, of course, is that you are on your own: Your art is as good as your own wallet can make it, your book looks as good as you can make it (unless you pay for it), and so forth. You also must promote it yourself. If you are writing for something like Osprey, they have marketing power and money to put behind the project.

Anything else you would like to say to our readers?

Before you write a game, ban yourself from reading any game on the same topic for a few months. If you are writing a WW2 tank game, put all your WW2 games in a box and do not open it. You should be spending that time immersing yourself in the topic in the form of books, music, documentaries, or anything else. Never ever another game.

Also, it cannot hurt to blast some metal albums, at least in my experience.

At Epoch Xperience, we specialize in creating compelling narratives and provide research to give your game the kind of details that engage your players and create a resonant world they want to spend time in. If you are interested in learning more about our gaming research services, you can browse Epoch Xperience’s service on our parent site, SJR Research.

(This article is credited to Jason Weiser. Jason is a long-time wargamer with published works in the Journal of the Society of Twentieth Century Wargamers; Miniature Wargames Magazine; and Wargames, Strategy, and Soldier.)

#Wargame Miscellaneous #interview #wargaming #history #gaming

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years ago

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#5yrsago Remembering Sassy Magazine's life advice for teen girls

Theresa DeLucci got a letter published in the only publication for girls that really attempted educational journalism—amid Twin Peaks fashion spreads and celeb interviews with grunge luminaries like Kurt Cobain and Kim Gordon.

The recent news about the return of Twin Peaks got me reminiscing about the magazine that introduced the show to me in the first place – Sassy, the most valuable print magazine for teenage girls to ever exist. It sounds like hyperbole, but compared to its peers -- Seventeen, YM, Teen -- Sassy was the only publication for girls that really attempted educational journalism amid its Twin Peaks fashion spreads and celeb interviews with grunge luminaries like Kurt Cobain and Kim Gordon. This was well before everyone had the internet. For many, Sassy was like a super cool, trusted, wiser sister who could tell you what to expect at your first gynecologist visit, what to do if you've been raped, why it's important to make your voice heard and vote. The magazine had its regular columns: One to Watch, Cute Band Alert and It Happened to Me, which featured first-person accounts of experiences seldom or never before discussed in print for young women. "I Went to Prison." "I am a Muslim." "My Mom's a Drug Addict."

Being a bookish, weirdo teen in a small town (Sassy's target demographic), I desperately wanted to write for them. But, alas, my feeble fiction was justly rejected, and I was too young and too far away from the New York City offices to try for an internship. Yet, while I didn't feel comfortable sharing anything heavy enough for an "It Happened to Me" article, I could at least put together a passable question for the much more light-hearted Dear Boy advice column and try my luck that way.

Dear Boy. An innocuous enough feature. Many teenage girls find the male mind pretty mysterious, especially the mind of an older, famous, possibly cute boy, so Sassy provided a space for that. I wrote in without a thought as to what a man's advice specifically might imply. Is it really mansplainin' when the whole point is to have a girl ask a much older man in a position of social power a personal question? Does any teen girl need to know J. Mascis' opinion on big butts? (He likes them and cannot lie.) Does a parent want Thurston Moore telling their daughter that she'd be "lucky" if some crappy, cheating boy returns her affections? Is any woman anywhere served by Billy Corgan's guilt-tripping tale of woe at being romantically rejected by a childhood sweetheart?

Every month I would get my subscriber's copy of Sassy in the mail, bound up to my room, close the door behind me, and thumb the pages to the column to see if my question was there. And one day, one issue, in 1994, Mike D of the Beastie Boys answered. My hands shook as I started to read the familiar words under the header:

"BUMMING BAD SEED? My mom was a well-dressed, popular boy-magnet in high school. I am a punked-out loner boy-repellent. I get the feeling she’s disappointed in me. To top that off, my dad thinks I am unfeminine. Help! Searching for my real parents."

I cringe at the words "punked-out" now. I believe my original letter referenced my pea-green hair and good grades, but Sassy edited it for space. Anyway. Mike D responded:

"By age 14 I had orange hair and a safety pin in my ear and everyone thought I was a freak, but I had found music and friends who meant more to me than the accepted norm amongst kids in school. There’s no need to conform to the preconceptions of your parents. You obviously have got it going on, so as you achieve stuff on your own terms, your parents might come around to respect you."

It was a total softball question for the magazine that was my gateway drug to the fiction of Francesca Lia Block and Poppy Z. Brite, the music of Bikini Kill and Henry Rollins. But it was also very earnest. And self-edited. There was no "feeling" that my mom was disappointed by my combat boots. She made it very known. Or that my frustrated dad didn't exactly say I was unfeminine - more like I dressed like a freak. (His codeword for lesbian.) I did feel the weight of parental expectations like these, and I didn't know any sympathetic adults I could ask that particular question to. After all, my friends' parents were kind of all dealing with the same disappointing "freak" kids in their houses, too. And I was very privileged, really. The parents of some of my friends kicked out their lesbian daughters, neglected their clinically depressed kids, and lived in denial of their children's drug addictions. Those, unlike black lipstick and Bauhaus shirts, were actual, serious family conflicts that couldn't possibly be addressed with two witty sentences from a Beastie Boy.

Before that day, I liked Mike D, but wasn't a huge fan. Compared to past Dear Boy columnists, he wasn't as cool as Iggy Pop -- who had predictably terrible advice for teen girls -- but he was definitely a cooler Dear Boy than Evan Dando. (Damning with very faint praise, I know.) But after that Dear Boy column, I would think about a misfit Mike D who went on to great, creative things and I would feel a needed twinge of solidarity.

And Mike D was ultimately right. I already knew seeking parental approval wasn't a big concern for me, but, yeah, after a few years, I did feel my parents came around to respecting me. And accepting me as I was -- and as I continue to be -- which is not everything they had quite hoped for. A near impossibility for any child to be, but especially a teenager wanting to be herself as well as a "good" daughter, to whom all parents seem as distant as aliens.

Not at all like Mike D.

Of course by its nature, Sassy's Dear Boy questions were published anonymously two decades ago. My box of back issues has long since vanished. And that bums me out, because I always consider Sassy to be the first time I ever wrote to market. I don't expect everyone to believe my long-distance teenage connection to Mike D, but I also don't know why anyone would make that up. (Though it's a great way to get thirtysomething-year-old women to buy you a drink when they find out.) All I know is how I felt that summer – when I sometimes took to wearing a safety pin in my own ear -- I felt a little less weird and walked a little bit taller because of my secret pen pal.

Once upon a time, twenty years ago, Mike D thought that I had it going on.

https://boingboing.net/2014/11/20/remembering-sassy-magazines.html

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plague-of-insomnia · 5 years ago

Note

As a commercial writer, what do you get from writing fanfic? What do you enjoy about it? Not enjoy about it?

I thought you’d asked me this before, so I checked, and you did ask something along the same vein, and you can read my response here.

But I’ll go ahead and answer this anyway since it’s not exactly the same question.

I still feel similarly to how I did when I answered your original ask; fan fiction is a way for me to hone my craft without the pressures that come from commercial work. It’s also a “safe” and welcoming environment that I can use to explore other genres and techniques that I may not have the flexibility of doing in my commercial work (since I tend to write exclusively romance). It’s also given me a lot more confidence to write what I enjoy and relate to most: M/M fiction, something that I was attacked for in the past by gatekeepers and anti types (yeah they’re not just hanging around in fandom).

I have had a lot of negative experiences and harassment over my OW in the past, including someone who created multiple accounts so they could trash my novel on several sites; supposed friends who I asked to review my work and trashed it with the “I know this author” label which also severely hurt my sales; many people who harassed or trashed my work for including music (even though it was first person and very much what the MC liked), and other ridiculous things. Add to the toxicity of many people on Twitter (which is a MUST for promoting yourself as an indie or author with a small publisher), and I honestly think I just got burned out.

I’m slowly trying to work back into my various on-hold commercial projects, but it’s kinda tough to know the wolves I’m facing who don’t seem to appreciate how much work is put into the final product they read and forget that there’s actually someone on the other end of the screen. Also, unlike in fandom, it’s considered taboo to respond to reviews even if they are particularly viscous, and having to keep a certain amount of general positivity despite all this on social media is fucking exhausting and honestly doesn’t feel worth it for how little money I’ve actually made.

In some ways I feel like I’ve grown more as a writer in the past year than I have in the five or ten years prior, and maybe it’s because of the support of the community and being able to try out a lot of new ideas without worrying about if I’ll be able to sell it after months or even years of work. I don’t have to wait that long for any kind of payoff, either, which also can be nice, and something I’ve enjoyed about my serial OW as well.

Ofc the other side of that coin is the fact that it can be pretty disheartening when you don’t get the response you thought you would, or no one seems to notice a scene you worked really hard on and were really proud of. But that’s not too different from commercial work.

I had to accept that I have niche tastes, and I write for myself first and foremost, so that means I won’t necessarily have an enormous audience. I also know of that audience everyone reads for different reasons, and unless you’re doing literary fiction, most people aren’t interested in layers. (Not trying to knock anyone here just stating a fact; it’s perfectly fine if you want to read for pure entertainment and nothing more.)

I know I could write faster if I left out those layers, but I just can’t. There’s nothing more satisfying to me as a reader than seeing a carefully constructed story with layers of complexity in theme and character development, and that’s what I like to write too. And for those readers who do pay attention to those things, even if I never know, it gives me a sense of satisfaction.

I’m not sure if I’m even answering your question or just rambling, but for me the only real downside is that the Kuro fandom is so fragmented and I can’t see myself wanting to be anywhere else despite this. It’s particularly frustrating as a multishipper, because while I do write and read Sebaciel bc I enjoy their dynamic, I’m really here for Sebastian.

I can’t even explain why I am so drawn to his character in every iteration, I just am, and he’s the only one I’ve ever wanted to write so much who isn’t my own.

Fandom and fan fiction has helped me embrace yet another part of myself I resisted for a long time, so I’m especially grateful for that.

Tysm for your ask!! 💕

#poi answers #chromehoplite #writing

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bitchsexuality · 5 years ago

Text

@animaliae

ok first off i’m sorry i took so long to reply!! i’ve been busy in the most tedious way possible so my brain’s not exactly my best friend right now. second off: THANK U SO MUCH these were so fun to answer!!

i’m putting all of these in the same post because i started talking and i could not Shut The Up, and i think one atrociously long post is better than four long posts when it comes to like, scrollability. scrollpastability? scroll-Something. and putting it under a readmore too for the same reasons

SO, from top to bottom:

weirdest character idea for D-N-D:

it’s an idea i’ve already had because i can’t come up with anything right now dksjfgbd, but

once i made a druid for a D//N/D-based CRPG who only cast spells when they gave him something edible (in theory ofc, the game didn’t let me eat my summoned bears... thankfully...), so i ended up with nothing but goodberries and several animal summoning spells. then i proceeded to cheat my way through the game, which defeated the point sdfgsd, but it was still fun concept-wise

also made me spend too much time wondering if the entangle spell’s vines could be eaten. i mean you can’t eat the WHOLE thing but maybe you could like, munch on it a little, or try to slurp it up like a noodle. it wouldn’t be tasty, it wouldn’t be easy, and it most definitely would not be healthy, but it’s like. the principle of the thing

if ur asking yourself WHY i did that… well there aren’t THAT many D/ND-based CRPGS out there and i’d already played that one —several times, in fact— so i wanted to try something different :0

i mean it’s not THAT weird tbh, but he’s the only OC i can think of right now that soooooort of fits? and my brain is like, a tundra of creativity at the moment. a deep tar pool that absorbs all inspiration and drags it, kicking and screaming, to its viscous doom. well you get the idea. or i hope you do because i sure fucking don’t

ideal ending for one of my characters:

hmmmm for like, original fiction characters i more or less have all their endings planned out? most of them ARE ideal because i am fully in control of their destinies and i am also a softhearted lidle bich who prefers stories with relatively uplifting/happy endings. or tbh even the ones that aren’t technically happy are still ideal in terms of character arcs, development, etc

(i might be giving myself way too much credit there though skdjgbdksjfg)

and —though this is super unlikely and mostly just me deceiving myself at this point— i do want to publish what i’m working on rn, so talking about endings would be a spoiler for something that does not exist and probably never will outside of my idiot fool head. so i’m gonna talk about an old OC that i’m not doing anything with anymore!

her name was elina and her entire deal was that she came from a family of very powerful witches who owned a, uh, i guess you could call it an archive? or a library?? idk, it was just an ABSURDLY large collection of magic-related books, and it pretty much contained all known arcane knowledge (though come think of it, “all known arcane knowledge” can’t have been THAT much because the archive was just one room. a huge fucking monster of a room yeah but like. still just One)

so anyway, her family members were very dutiful + responsible when it came to the archivelibraryroom thing, but they were also too traditional for her tastes? like they didn’t bother practicing/using magic, or experimenting, or looking for anything outside of books; they only cared about written things, and even then they did nothing but get the Very Important Books, put them in the archivelibraryroom and forget about them completely

then elina ran into a group of other magic-users who were investigating a weird phenomenon in her hometown, and she asked her family about it, but they essentially were like “oh if it doesn’t affect the books we don’t care lol anyway it’s your turn to clean the archivelibrary now”

but yeah i’m sure y’all can tell where this is going kjdfgbd elina was the typical YA protag in that she was super rebellious, so she turned her back on her family and left her house to help the group of inconveniently yet stereotypically teenage magic-users, made friends, learned about magic, blah blah blah

the issue is that i never gave that story an ending? like the closest thing to it was a vague “uhhhh elina goes back home to find the archivelibrary is burning down and pulls some kind of mysterious water magic out of her ass to save it; then her family apologizes, they begin to respect her and she stays with them to keep caring for the archivelibrary, But With A Progressive Twist”

the issue was that after writing around two chapters i realized i didn’t actually Have a plot, so i didn’t know what story that ending would be... ending... and since i couldn’t think of anything + i wasn’t THAT attached to the characters anyway i just gave up on it

but now that i’m thinking of it again, just for the sake of ending the Story That Never Was, i feel like making her earn the respect of her family just because she saved the books + proved she actually cares about that too is, idk, shallow? out of character?

because she believed that her family’s fixation on history + Neatly Documented stuff was holding them back and making things worse for everyone. she left her home behind because her ideals re.: magic —that it should grow and change to fit the context + people’s needs, and not the other way around— were so strong

OOF THIS IS GETTING SO FUCKING LONG KSDJGB i’m just gonna stop here and say: elina’s new ideal ending is pretty much that while she ends up in friendly terms with her family —because, in spite of their fundamental disagreements, they never hurt her— she doesn’t go back home and chooses to travel around the world instead, helping people in whichever way possible and freely sharing her knowledge with anyone who’s willing to listen and, at the same time, learning from them

i mean, the concept’s not too original ksjdbg just something i thought of super quick, and that’s just a half-assed attempt at closure for an OC i made when i was like… 9

headcanons about my favs:

ok this one’s hard because i’m not into any like… fandom things right now? i haven’t found anything that rly interests me or that i could see myself being passionate about, which sucks because i do kinda miss being into stuff with Established Content :(

so i’ve been focusing on my OCs + original stories and such. and i’m not sure if OC headcanons count as headcanons because i control canon so technically everything i come up with IS canon. then again it’s headcanon too because it’s a canon from my head because that’s where ideas come from. okay wait i’m not making any cents here x

but uhh knowing me i might think of something right after publishing this, so if that happens i’ll come back and edit this post :0

also just saying but if any of y’all know of something i could get into then lmk, i’m open to suggestions! preferably free stuff though... i’m beset by capitalisms

a favorite scene that i loved:

i can’t remember any in particular right now, either from my #content or somebody else’s SDFKJGBDF god my mind 😔 well i mean i’m gonna be a little bit full of meself and say that i’ve written things that i really like, especially imagery-wise, but i Also want to publish those someday… like i’ve also written original/OC-related stuff that i don’t plan on publishing, but i’m not THAT proud of them tbh :/

i was —emphasis on was— trying to write a short story about jasna (one of my D-N/D OCs, a cleric of oghma) that never really went anywhere, but i did post a snippet on my OC blog, and that’s what i hate the least out of all my recent attempts at writing? so i’m just gonna put it here again ig sdfgs (not actually linking to the OC blog post because it’s kind of a mess rn, i need to fix the theme + clean it up a bit)

if you got this far and read all of this nonsensical verbal monster: i love u with all my heart and i would legitimately die for u.

#otherworldly whispers #hope it's OK that i'm mentioning u btw!!!#just so u know i wasn't like. ignoring you or anything dsfkgsd #also if i'd answered the question directly it'd have shown up in ur activity feed anyway right? so technically it's the same #... i think...#long post #im talking a LONG ass fucking post that's not a joke or an exaggeration this bitch is LONG #text heavy #food ment - . / (Kind of? not really????)#family ment - . /#fire ment - . /#again kind of not really #ask me to tag - . /#bc im not sure how else to tag this skjdfb

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malecsecretsanta · 6 years ago

Text

Merry Christmas, @shipnotised!

Read on AO3

*****

My Telltale Heart

“Wow. You look like crap.”

Alec did indeed look like crap, and he knew that; 11am was too early to start a Saturday shift in general, let alone when he’d been up until 4am writing feverishly. He still gave Duncan an incredibly unimpressed glare, though.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t do my make-up on lunch break, but I was too busy trying not to throw myself out of the window,” he said, voice as flat as his patience was thin. He ignored Lindsay in the corner, proclaiming that a “mood”.

“Well if you need make-up tips, you can always ask Magnus,” he snickered.

“Stop being a dick to him,” Lindsay said from the depths of her locker.

“Who the fuck is Magnus?” Alec asked.

“One of the new temps lol,” Duncan answered, literally saying “lol” with his mouth and

annoying Alec even more – which he didn’t think possible. “Linds thinks he’s handsome.”

“He IS handsome.”

Duncan snorted. “And obviously gay. He wears makeup. Everyone knows him already Alec, I can’t believe you don’t.”

Alec had already shut his locker – a little too forcefully after Duncan’s comment – and had started making his way out of the room, but turned to address him anyway.

“Like Lindsay said, quit being a dick.” She nodded sagely in the background, validated. “He probably looks better in makeup than you do without. Besides, I never usually learn people’s names unless they’re obviously going to stay and be important to me. But maybe I’ll make an effort for this Magnus – what do you think, Dennis?” He smirked and shrugged lightly before leaving the room and getting back to work. He distinctly heard Lindsay’s laughter behind him.

It was a Saturday though, and he was entirely too busy to give this mysterious Magnus much thought in amongst mentally ranting at every asshole who thought it was okay to leave half empty coffee cups all over his shop. He ran the whole mens floor more often than not, which was fine, he could handle that. What wasn’t fine was the absolute clowns he had been saddled with that day. Surely, it wasn’t that hard to read a label and work out where, roughly, an item belonged? It was fortunate that all the tills were staffed so he wasn’t needed there. He fucking hated the tills.

Obviously, the two new kids with him that day just had to leave dead on time, leaving him to effectively close up the entire floor on his own. By the time 10pm rolled around, he was cursing under his breath. Was it so hard for people to put things back where they’d gotten them from?

“As wonderfully colourful as you’re painting the air, can I offer any assistance?” came a voice from behind him, making Alec realise that his muttering hadn’t been quite as under his breath as he’d thought. He turned, either to justify himself or apologise – he hadn’t quite decided – but the words caught in his throat once he’d saw the owner of the voice. It was quite a voice, and this man was quite the owner. He made the simple all black uniform requirement look haute couture, with a brocade waistcoat over the plain button up shirt, and rings that looked far nicer than anything on display in the jewellery counter on the floor below.

“I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced,” said the beautiful man, offering a hand out to Alec. “I’m Magnus.”

“Alec,” he offered as freely as his smile. He fumbled with the multipack of socks he was still holding before taking Magnus’s hand, holding it perhaps a little longer than strictly necessary. It didn’t seem like Magnus minded.

“We should- are you sure? It’s late,” Alec stumbled out eventually.

“I’m positive. If it’s late for me, then it’s late for you too, Alec.”

“Thank you,” he conceded. “It’s just the rest of this-“ he gestured vaguely to the area around him – “to do.”

There was truthfully only about another half hours work in it for him, but with Magnus assisting him in comfortable silence, they were done in under fifteen. Alec took a moment to slyly check whether he’d have to stay a little longer just to make sure the sections he hadn’t done himself were acceptable – Magnus was new, and Alec had high standards – but it was with relief that Alec noted Magnus clearly knew what he was doing.

“Do you have to get someone to check before we leave?” Magnus asked.

“Normally, yeah, but they trust me to get it right. Thank you, Magnus, I really appreciate it,” Alec said, with a sincerity his colleagues rarely got to hear.

“Well, you definitely don’t look a damsel, but I can’t resist aiding someone in distress,” Magnus said succinctly, with a twinkle in his eye that intrigued Alec. He didn’t make friends that easily, but there was something about Magnus that he really couldn’t quantify. He felt like they could be very good friends, and he found that, unlike himself, he wasn’t averse to trying.

“I’m this way,” Alec indicated, once they’d signed out and left the store. The early November air was biting at this time of night, his ears an unfortunate victim.

“Ah, I’m the opposite. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“No, I got lucky and get Sundays off. Monday?”

Magnus grimaced. “I’m a student, I can only work weekends unfortunately. I guess I’ll see you next week then, Alexander.”

The use of his full name startled him, though not as much as the realisation that he didn’t mind it when it came from Magnus. “Yeah, Um, how did you-“

“Lucky guess,” Magnus smiled. “Do you mind it?”

“I think I’ll let you call me that,” Alec smiled back. “Good night, Magnus.”

“Good night, Alexander.”

And so it was that they spent every Saturday lunch break together. Alec was always scheduled for the long shift, and while Magnus’s shifts only ever started as soon as Alec’s breaks would finish, he was always around an hour early. Alec asked him about it, and Magnus shrugged.

“My lunch options are more varied around here,” he said.

Alec asked Magnus a lot of things, and answered just as many. He took Magnus to Taki’s, a little nearby diner that did amazing spanakopita and other Greek pastries. Thalia, the old lady running the place, had long taken a shine to Alec and insisted on giving him free treats – he accepted, purely on the basis that he’d sneak a good tip in when she wasn’t looking. She knew, and he knew she knew, but they didn’t speak about it. What was important was that she took a great liking to Magnus too, especially when he spoke to her in broken Greek.

“You speak Greek?” he asked, on their first visit there.

“Only a little,” Magnus conceded. “I speak a few other languages somewhat fluently, and figured since I’m good at them, I may as well learn them.”

It turned out that Magnus knew Spanish, French, and Italian (“once you’ve got one romance language down you’ve basically got the others”), a little Greek, a little Dutch, and was fluent in Indonesian. Alec found out that Magnus was actually from Indonesia, though moved as a young teen to America to live with his father. He eventually moved to New York when he refused to join the “family business” – whatever that was, Magnus never specified – and was a grad student studying particle physics now.

Alec, in turn, told Magnus about his family, about sharing an apartment with his siblings and he and Jace working so Izzy could focus on med school. He told Magnus about his mother and Max, trying to help how they could even though they were left with very little after Robert left them. He even told Magnus about Robert, about him being that cold kind of homophobic that tolerated him, but did not accept him.

They spent one memorable Saturday at the very start of December discussing books. Alec didn’t usually allow himself to get carried away in conversation, sweeping hand gestures punctuating his words, but he was talking about something he loved and – well. He trusted Magnus enough to be himself with him, to live a little more freely – similar, but even more so, to how he was with Izzy and Jace.

“I just- stories are such an inherently human art, you know? The best stories echo through time in their original forms simply because humans don’t change all that much, despite era or culture. That’s the goal,” he rambled. Magnus frowned a little, head tilting, and Alec thought that it might have been the cutest thing he’d ever seen a person do – and Max was a cute child.

“Do you write, Alexander?” he asked. Alec froze.

“I-“ he licked his lips, and leaned in. Magnus did the same, and Alec lowered his voice. “Don’t tell anyone, but… yeah. I do. Not even Jace and Izzy know. I don’t know why I don’t tell them, it’s not like I’ll ever get published, but…”

“It’s nice to have something for yourself,” Magnus finished.

“Yeah,” Alec smiled. “You read my mind. Maybe one day, I’ll put it out there, but for now,” he simply shrugged.

“If you ever decide to put your writing out there, I’ll be first in line. Knowing you, I have no doubt it’ll be incredible.”

The sheer belief that Magnus had in him, the trust after only four weeks, broke something down in Alec that he had no idea he’d even built. Suddenly, he wanted Magnus to know him like no one else – or maybe, it wasn’t sudden at all.

He leant down, rummaging around in the small bag he brought with him and pulling out his tattered cheap notebook, flicking it to the most recent page. He carried it with him to work, favoured green pen tucked into the spiral binding, in case inspiration struck him while commuting or on break (he would always leave the store on lunch, even Before Magnus – and wasn’t it something, that Alec was separating his life into Before Magnus and After Magnus?). Alec mostly wrote fiction, short stories, poured out his frustrations and lived his wildest dreams in them, and yet, on that morning’s train, he’d found himself hit with a three-quarter formed idea and rushed to scribble it down.

It was a sonnet, structured like Shakespeare’s ones, and its underlying tone was… hopeful. New beginnings, new bonds, change that was welcome. He consciously made another change now, in sliding the notebook over to Magnus.

“This came to me on the train this morning, so uh – I don’t know if it’s any good. But I trust you to be honest with me if it sucks,” he laughed nervously, hands starting to rub themselves nervously without a conscious thought.

Magnus was silent as he read, and though he read quickly, it seemed to Alec like a whole hour passed, rather than a minute. He watched Magnus read, watched his eyes widen, until Magnus looked up at him with a look on his face of… awe?

“Alexander,” he said, voice hushed. “This is incredible.”

“You… think so?” he replied, blush beginning to rise. Magnus nodded.

“You have a real skill for words, darling. None of the languages I speak could be as beautiful as your own.”

Alec smiled, a soft shy thing, as he gently took the notebook back from Magnus and closed it. He felt impossibly light, a burden he hadn’t realised was weighing on him as much as it had relieved.

“We have to go back now, but – it’d be nice to talk about writing with someone. Can I text it to you, sometime?”

“Absolutely,” grinned Magnus, exchanging numbers with Alec as they walked back to work.

Alec realised, two Sundays after he’d first gotten Magnus’s number, that he had no idea if Magnus was coming to that night’s work Christmas party. He certainly had never made his intentions of going clear, and now Magnus was already at work, so he couldn’t just ask.

Parties weren’t often Alec’s thing, but he did enjoy them now and then, and it wasn’t as if he hated his colleagues or anything. He just felt… out of place. To be perfectly honest, he felt that way most of the time, except around his family, while writing, or with Magnus.

Perhaps it should scare him, that Magnus felt a little like belonging. It didn’t.

He dressed reasonably appropriately for the night, tan wool overcoat and beanie part of his outfit, not just accessories, and charcoal shirt with the top few buttons undone despite the cold. He’d been something of a boring dresser once, before he’d come out, all large sweaters and baggy jeans – but now, while fashion still didn’t speak to him as such, he knew what he liked and how to dress and wore sharp, clean, well-fitting clothes. It wasn’t even a conscious decision, really, but the internet always said you dressed better after coming out and he supposed that had happened to him as well.

He wasn’t out out, but he wasn’t hiding anything either. It was no one’s prerogative to know everything about him unless he wanted them to.

Ten to eight, Alec found himself sat with a bunch of his colleagues waiting for those who had just finished work to join them. Magnus wasn’t already there, and he hoped that he would be showing up with the others, else Alec would probably just head home after the meal and text Magnus all night instead.

That was what they usually did, anyway.

He needn’t have considered alternate plans, though – as Magnus strolled in with the latecomers looking like an untouchable god.

He’d shaved, for a start, and put dark pink highlights in his hair – he’d not had them yesterday at lunch – and he wore a stunning crushed red velvet blazer. Red was certainly Magnus’s colour, Alec thought. He didn’t think about the fact that he noticed how tight Magnus’s pants were, or the fact that Alec couldn’t take his eyes off his friend.

Magnus seemed to be looking for something, and Alec began to stand to greet him, which led Magnus to look his way. He smiled at the sight of Alec, and Alec smiled back, heart leaping, as Magnus made his way over.

“Got you a drink,” Alec said, indicating the two on the table in front of him.

“After that day, I certainly need one. Thank you, Alexander,” said Magnus, resting his hand on Alec’s shoulder as he leant to pick up the drink. “Dark and Stormy?” Alec shrugged.

“It sounded nice, so I thought I’d try it.”

“Good choice, darling. Shall we go be seated?”

They managed to sit next to each other throughout the whole meal, and while Magnus entertained those in the vicinity – like a king holding court, Alec thought, all his subjects enthralled and enamoured – most of their attention was on them alone.

The food was decent, surprisingly good for the place they were in, and the free drinks meant the empty glasses began accumulating steadily. The air buzzed with merriment, and even Alec was laughing freely.

“Hey, everyone’s heading down to Pandemonium now,” Magnus whispered into Alec’s ear.

“Mmm? Are you going with?”

“Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to stop by a store, get some cheap wine, and come back to mine.”

Alec grinned. He wanted nothing more.

Magnus’s place was huge. A penthouse full of oddities and books and incredible art, for a grad student? Even Tipsy Alec was confused by it all, and Tipsy Alec was so much more of a dumbass than Sober Alec. As Magnus closed the door behind them, coming forward to take the bag from Alec’s hands, he noticed the expression on Alec’s face and seemed to read his mind.

“This place is the one gift I accepted from my father. I had… a sizeable trust fund, all legally in my name, nothing he could do about it, and I used it to buy this place after I’d left. I didn’t want to touch his money, but he never wanted me to come here, so - it seemed like a perfectly good ‘fuck you’.”

“It’s a pretty good fuck you, as fuck yous go. You know, I’m surprised you don’t like parties,” Alec said.

Magnus waved his hand nonchalantly. “Oh, I love parties. I’d just much rather hang out with you.”

And fuck, if that weren’t something right there.

Magnus and Alec found themselves sharing just one bottle of wine, far too busy talking to drink, simply enjoying each other’s company when not talking, enough that alcohol simply wasn’t necessary. As a fire crackled in the grate in front of the seating area, Magnus showed Alec his books, told wild travel stories for each trinket, regaled Alec with stories that while they could be those he told when winning friends and captivating hearts, Alec just knew that these were for him and him alone. Magnus had just told a story from his youth where he pretended to be his own father to get out of detention, and that it had somehow worked despite it being a face-to-face conversation, and Alec couldn’t stop giggling, which seemed to set Magnus off laughing too.

“Gods, I was such a little brat when I was with him. Still would be, probably, had I not met Cat and Ragnor and left.”

“Was it hard to leave? With your dad doing… whatever it is he does.”

Magnus’s eyes narrowed quizzically, but warmly. “My father owns a pharmaceutical company that jacks up the prices of literally everything. What did you think he might do, Alexander?”

“Honestly, thought he might be a mob boss, but that’d probably be better,” Alec said. “I see why you want to distance yourself from him.”

“Mmm. You’re one of three people who know about him, here.”

“I’m- Cat, Ragnor, and… me?” Magnus nodded at Alec’s incredulous tone.

“I trust you,” he said, warm brown eyes unwavering from Alec’s own.

“Thank you. For what it’s worth, and this may be selfish, but I’m kinda glad it led you here.”

“Yeah?” asked Magnus, twisting his body round so that he was sat cross legged on the couch, back resting against the arm and facing Alec, who was sprawled out so that his torso lay on the couch, head on the arm rest, and longs legs bent resting on the floor. “Be selfish for a second for me. Why?”

“If you hadn’t realised what a jerk he was, you wouldn’t be in New York. And if you hadn’t cut yourself off… you wouldn’t have needed a job to support you. And I wouldn’t have met you. I’m sorry, if that’s rude, but… I’m really glad I met you,” Alec steamrollered, knowing that if he didn’t get it out now he might never do it again out of stubbornness.

“I’m really glad I met you too, Alexander. Makes being yelled at for not returning things from last year worth it.” Magnus laughed softly then, and so did Alec, a shared experience joining them. Magnus heaved a sigh then, and Alec furrowed his brow.

“Alexander… how drunk would you say you are? I’m completely sober, unfortunately.”

Alec took a second to ponder it, but he needn’t have – they’d been sat there for a few hours, and were only halfway through their shared bottle of wine. The only thing he was intoxicated by was Magnus’s presence, the warmth radiating from him that had little to do with actual temperature and everything to do with the comfort and serenity that Magnus brought him.

“If it makes you feel better about it, I’m completely sober too,” Alec said. “But that’s okay. Being here at 2am is way more fun than any club could be.”

“Good, I’m glad you – that’s good. Alexander, tell me if this is too forward, but…” Magnus trailed off, eyes closed and breathing deeply, as if to steady himself.

“But what?”

Magnus shook his head, and swallowed, before he leant down and forward and pressed his lips to Alec’s.

It was relatively chaste, all things considered, but Alec felt his world turn on its head. Magnus tasted of wine, and chocolate, and home, and Alec closed his eyes and let himself feel. His lips were soft, and as Alec chased them, it hit him that he was halfway to falling in love with the man, and he hadn’t even noticed that that was what it was.

They separated, yet Magnus didn’t go far; Alec opened his eyes to see Magnus still hovering a few inches over him, his own eyes gazing into Alec’s own. Alec’s lips quirked into a smile.

“That was-“

“Yeah,” Magnus breathed out, and returned Alec’s soft, shy smile with one of his own, to which Alec, surprising himself with his boldness, rose up and kissed again.

The difference this time, as they sat up together, was that they could barely stop smiling to really kiss, but neither cared. Their laughter mingled between them in the firelit room, Alec’s admission that he’d never been kissed before at 24 simply encouraging Magnus to kiss him more, barely noticing when the embers started to settle, tangled up in each other on the couch with this new thing between them, that had somehow always been present.

“Stay the night, Alexander? It’s late, we don’t have to do anything, just… stay?”

“Magnus, there’s- there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

No one commented on the spring in Alec’s step the next morning, and he was grateful; he didn’t exactly want to tell them he’d been woken up with a kiss from a man who made his heart sing, after falling asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. That was his alone to rejoice in.

The next two weeks were much the same as their last five; a whirlwind of texts and soft smiles when their eyes met at work, among the many “no, we’re all sold out of those now” to people who left their Christmas shopping until a week before the date and were surprised everything had gone – like it didn’t happen every year. The only difference was that now they held hands over the table at Taki’s as they spoke, Thalia beaming at them whenever they stole kisses while sharing pastries. They didn’t notice that, though.

They spoke more about dating, than before; previously, Alec had always carried a small burden of shame that he’d never been in a relationship, but Magnus, with all his experience in good and bad relationships, never treated it as a set back in any way. He had a knack for making Alec feel comfortable in his own skin.

“I’m covering a shift tomorrow, by the way,” Alec said, after a few minutes of silent contemplation. Magnus quirked an eyebrow.

“My last day,” he said. “Can’t say I’m sad, but the place did bring me you, so…”

Alec snorted. “Run while you still can. I’ll just miss seeing you at lunch every Saturday.”

“Well, I still have Saturdays free. I see no reason why I can’t still meet you every so often – it might do me good to get out of the house and work on my paper.”

“Yeah?” Alec grinned, indescribably happy. Neither of them had defined what was between them yet, and that was okay; it was like they were still the best of friends, with the added bonus of kissing, and yet Alec was still surprised that Magnus, beautiful, kind, intelligent Magnus, wanted to spend time with him, read his writing and told him it was masterful, urged Alec to be a better version of himself simply by being there.

“Yeah,” Magnus grinned back. “Also we should go back.” He laughed at Alec’s groan.

“Ah ah ah!” they heard Thalia shout as they left the café. Alec turned, curious; it’s not as if they’d forgotten to pay – had they left anything? “Look above, just for you two loves,” she yelled happily.

Magnus chuckled. “Mistletoe, Alexander. Shall we?”

Alec laughed, and leant in, and made a note to ring Thalia later and leave his number, so she could send him the photo she very obviously took.

Sunday was like every Sunday, but times ten; he’d agreed to cover someone in the ladies department for a change of pace, and was kinda wishing he hadn’t. He had, at least, made plans with Magnus to get dinner and spend the night, which powered him through the chaotic day.

Before they could escape however, Jia, the store manager, gathered everyone around the doors. Alec groaned inwardly. He’d forgotten that she did this every year, giving them all a speech about how high the quality of seasonal staff was, and how it being the 23rd it was most of their last days anyway, and blah blah blah. Alec mostly tuned it out in favour of his favourite activity – looking at Magnus.

“Gonna miss your lunch date, Lightwood?” Duncan called out once Jia had apparently finished, laughing, though nobody laughed with him. Alec smiled, knowing exactly what he had to, and wanted to, do. He lifted his arm to embrace Magnus shoulders as he moved to his side, not needing words to know what Alec planned, arm snaking around Alec’s waist and hand settling comfortably on his hip.

“Well, now we’re no longer co-workers – I guess Magnus’ll just have to settle for being my boyfriend instead, huh?” Alec raised an eyebrow, daring Duncan to say anything. By the look of his reddening face, he had nothing, suitably ashamed by the smiles on every other associates faces – even Jia cracked a smile, and Alec thought he heard Simon whooping as Magnus pulled his face in for a quick, yet tender, kiss.

“We’ll just have to go on more actual dates, I suppose… boyfriend,” Magnus said to him as they left, Magnus for the last time as a staff member.

They’d agreed not to get each other gifts, Alec thought; and had ended up giving each other the best gift they could possibly have gotten. Alec had a boyfriend for Christmas for the first time ever, and as he held him close, Alec resolved that he’d never let him go.

#shipnotised #malecsanta18 #*fics18 #*gifts18

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the-elemental-sides · 6 years ago

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all of my god dang WIPs

In an attempt to put my life in some semblance of order, as well as have a convenient place to check back on the thing I should be writing at the moment, I am putting here a list of every single in-progress Sanders Sides story in my Google docs. There’s like, 15 of them, listed roughly in order from “has not been touched in 1000 years” to “worked on fairly recently.”

Oh yeah! And if any of these stories are listed as “dead” but you like the concept, feel free to take it! Let me know if you want to see what I had written.

Sanders Script

Last Modified: February 18, 2018

Status: Dead

Summary: A fake episode script where the Sides explain the Sanders Sides fandom to the recently-accepted Anxiety, who’s been staying away from the whole ordeal. My first Sanders Sides writing! I started writing it just after catching up with the series because I thought, no way could I write any kind of non-script-style fanfic out of these characters.

The Joan Thing pt II

Last Modified: March 30, 2018

Status: Dead

Summary: The first attempt of many to write a sequel to The Joan Thing. It failed. However, its concept might be something I revisit later.

Architects

Last Modified: April 30, 2018

Status: Dead

Summary: Gods/creators-of-the-world AU sort of thing where the Sides are all creating aspects of Earth (sea, space, underground, sky) with Thomas as their supervisor. Got fired because I thought the concept was too complicated/theological, and it started feeling kind of like the Sims.

Guardian Angels

Last Modified: April 29, 2018

Status: Most Likely Dead

Summary: In a world where many people have guardian angels, Patton finally gets his in the form of Virgil. The Sides didn’t feel entirely in-character to me, so I changed the names and started an original fiction version. Then I still wanted to write the Sides version and got confused.

Angst

Last Modified: July 20, 2018

Status: Dead

Summary: Yep, the doc’s just called “Angst” because I wanted to practice something sad. Roman goes out on a mind palace adventure, breaks his leg fighting a monster, and can’t get home. Virgil finds him. I wrote ‘666′ soon after this and was satisfied with that.

First Person Fusions

Last Modified: July 22, 2018

Status: doesn’t look good, chief

Summary: I did publish a chapter of this on Analogical, and I have a bit of the Logince chapter done. Not sure if I’m still interested in it or not, especially since I don’t have ideas for the combined headspaces of the rest of the ships.

From The Other Side

Last Modified: July 31, 2018

Status: Hiatus

Summary: I have the prologue published. I love this idea, but I don’t know if I can finish it any time soon. It’s kind of a longer fic! We’ll see what happens to it.

Talyn, The Take Two

Last Modified: September 9, 2018

Status: Needs a miracle

Summary: This doc is a conglomerate of most of the other “Joan Thing sequel” attempts. Sorry, fans of the story, it’s just weirdly hard to write??? It’s difficult to push the concept any further without playing into even more of the unintentional D.I.D. similarities of the first. I need a really solid idea to continue this one.

A Morality Story

Last Modified: September 10, 2018

Status: PURGATORY

Summary: All right, this story is a weird case because it’s in my Tumblr drafts. It’s RIGHT there. I even got a beta for it! But I’m very self-conscious about sharing it. It’s an experimental little exchange between Morality and an OC of mine whose whole deal is morality too. Eh, maybe I’ll hit post one of these days.

Ask Prompt Doc

Last Modified: September 18, 2018

Status: In Progress

Summary: Vy and hayleycreagine/nextstep17, this one’s for you! Your asks have been in my inbox for m o n t h s and I’m still working on your suggestions. Sorry for the wait, but they SHALL be finished. Someday.

The Elemental Sides

Last Modified: Nov 2, 2018

Status: WILL be completed

Summary: My longest story, and the one the blog’s named after. It’s about Thomas discovering four spirits with elemental powers trapped in an amulet. Currently, I do have enough for another chapter written, but it’s all definitely in first-draft mode.

G/T Sides

Last Modified: Early November

Status: Hiatus

Summary: This one isn’t in a doc, but amazable01 requested a continuation of an unnamed story about Logan having a brownie, Patton, take up residence in his house. It’s currently an unfinished Tumblr draft. I don’t wanna disappoint amazable, so I’ll do what I can!

Project Doll

Last Modified: February 1, 2019

Status: In Progress

Summary: I can’t talk too much about this one because it’s my Reverse Big Bang fic. The plot is *continuous screams of horror for an hour*. See ya when I post it in April!

sides ideas

Last Modified: February 2, 2019

Status: In Progress

Summary: This one is actually pretty close to being done. I fell in love with a Sanders Sides fic and wrote my own chapter for it: an interpretation of some events that were covered in a letter. Can’t wait to finish it and talk more about how much I love this fic!

W***** L*********

Last Modified: February 5, 2019

Status: not even started yet but I made the doc

Summary: This one’s the fic I’m gonna write for the regular Big Bang (I might be getting ahead of myself, but the mods recommend we use all the time we have). I have to censor the title so I don’t spoil anything, but maybe you can guess??

Analogically

Last Modified: this morning lol (feb 6)

Status: In Progress

Summary: Based on a recommendation by theresneverenoughfandoms, this is an Analogical oneshot. Hopefully I can keep up with writing it...unlike many many stories on this list!

#sanders sides #behind the scenes #aka a peek into my scattered mind #is this interesting? is anything I've ever done interesting #project doll

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ratemisia-wool · 3 years ago

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howdy. a bit of a VERY long post but i have a bunch of stories for some of these so i wanna share them

1. not sure if this counts but... i kinda found out i was nonbinary and asexual because of an oc? so basically i noticed abt 3 years ago (how time flies right) that all of my ocs were cishet, and i wanted to shake things up a little bit because i felt kinda bad for that and thought i might as well put in the effort to learn some things and be more inclusive. well, i started looking up lgbtq+ titles and alignments... and related with some of them... and had a bit of an "oh shit" moment, as you do

(in case you're wondering, that oc is named puffin, he's pansexual and uses he/him, and i still use puffin in rp from time to time because he's just an incredibly fun character to rp)

2. first oc (at least, the first one i remember or have any records of) was a cringy self insert five nights at freddy's oc named felix, way back when i thought fnaf was cool (so probably 2012-13.) i still hold a begrudging respect for felix the fox, because ultimately, you could probably trace every oc i have now back to him in some form or by some traits

3. music. all my good ocs were at least partially inspired by music - puffin (same puffin as in question one) was partially inspired by TrusT by half•alive, make-believe (a more recent oc) was inspired by Freak Show by Set it Off, viceroy (another more recent oc) was inspired by Bells by The Unlikely Candidates.

unrelated but man, i wanna get back to viceroy. he had a lot of potential as a character and i miss him :(

4. this one... most of the time, my names for characters are insanely thought out and go through a careful process that sometimes can take hours. for instance: there's viceroy, who in the original iteration was designed as a SilkWing king for an RP that needed one. I decided Monarch would be too on the nose, so i found the viceroy butterfly - another, similar looking butterfly that is often confused for a monarch butterfly. i also had a bunch of other reasoning about the actual political position of "viceroy," but it makes no sense in retrospect so i will just skip that. oh and there's puffin who i just... made up a name on the spot that somewhat kinda fit, and didn't want to change it afterwards. so it could be pretty much anything that motivates me to name my characters whatever

5. puffin sounds like sean bonnette from ajj, ember (yet another oc i miss) sounds like sam tinnesz, make-believe sounds like jaidenanimations, oryx probably sounds like uncle iroh...

(skipping a bunch)

11. most definitely ember: they've been completely redesigned more times than i can count. i have changed their backstory, name, gender, social standing, probably everything about them... to the point that they were for a while canonically the child of two previous iterations of themself. there's also a possibility that i may not be thinking of ember specifically at all and that's one of the old names i formerly used for them.

12. ember. no questions asked. they have killed thrice before and will do so again with sufficient motivation

13. bloodmoon. i wrote a story with him as the main character

14. probably make-believe

15. puffin

16. yes (see 13) and no.

17. that's a hard one, but i might have to say puffin just because he's a classic and he's still cool after so long which is rare and precious

18. bloodmoon. i used him a lot, but that's actually why i have grown to resent him. bloodmoon became the most flawed and unlikeable part of the story halfway through due to plot holes and flaws in his personality, and he's become a symbol of my hubris, and i hate him personally for it.

19. ruko ka'rut (wow, not a wings of fire one for ONCE.) he's not really fan content of a published work of fiction or anything like most of my ocs are, but he's loosely adjacent to the HFY (Humanity, Fuck Yeah!) universe and that's his original setting so...

this was gonna be a MUCH longer post but i ran out of steam writing it so here you go go

ORIGINAL CHARACTER ASKS

I always want people to ask me about my OCs but they never do SO WHY NOT MAKE A LITTLE GAME so we can answer some stuff!

Reblog this with your own OCs! I'd love to see people use this, these games are so fun- as someone who writes a lot I always wanna talk about this stuff

Send an ask with the corresponding number to get an answer for it

----

If you're sending an ask, feel free to ask about a specific OC or OCs!

Have you ever picked up a habit from developing/writing one of your own characters? And if so, who and what?

Who was the first OC you made?

What inspired you to make a certain character?

How did you find the name for a certain character?

Do you have any voice claims for your OCs?

Are there any other preexisting characters that inspired an OC?

What things in real life make you think of an OC?

Is there a certain song or playlist of songs you have that make you think of an OC/your story for them?

What is one of your character's theme songs?

Do any of your OCs contain any symbolism in themselves/their story?

Which character has been through the most design changes?

Which OC is most likely to kill somebody?

Which OC do you make art/media with the most?

Which OC/s do you relate to the most?

Which OC/s make you think of yourself the most?

Do you have a written story including your ocs? If so do you think you'll ever publish it?

Who is your favorite OC?

Who is your least favorite OC?

Who is your most recent OC?

Do any of your OCs have pets? What kind? NAME?

What is one of your character's biggest fears?

Do your friends and family know about your OCs/story? How much?

Have you ever seen something/someone that looks like one of your characters IRL? What was it like?

Are there any preexisting characters that your OC gets compared too a lot?

Are there any two characters that are like a dynamic duo/group?

What's your favorite relationship/dynamic between a set of OCs?

What's the nicest thing someone has ever said about an OC/OCs?

What's the meanest thing someone has ever said about an OC/OCs?

Do any of your OCs have AU designs/stories?

Which OC has been the hardest to develop/design so far?

Which OC do you wish you had more art of? (Recieved, making yourself, etc.)

What's been the most ambitious project you've made/are making surrounding your characters?

Have you ever had to kill off an OC? How hard was it?

What scene that you've written/imagined is your favorite?

Which OC would beat you up if they met you IRL?

Which OC would probably be your friend if they met you IRL?

On a scale from 1-10 how angsty are your OCs?

Do you like telling random people about your characters, or is it a more private thing?

What's your favorite part to draw on a certain character?

What's your least favorite part to draw on a certain character?

#ask game #ask games #oc #oc asks #bellasaurus ask game #murder tw #murder cw #wings of fire #humanity fuck yeah #hfy #wof #wof oc #hfy oc

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woohooligancomics · 6 years ago

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A Personal Racism Issue. Can I Get Your Advice?

I'm at a bit of a loss... so I'm hoping some of you hooligans might be able to help me out. This weekend I'm tabling a gaming convention with a friend of mine (and I'll leave his name out here for reasons that will be apparent -- I'll call him X). Admittedly, I'm a comedian and a cartoonist, so a gaming convention is slightly off-brand, but I'm hoping there will be a good cross-section of people who also enjoy comedy, and at the end of Friday I've already collected 5 new subscribers to our newsletter, the Woohooligan Weekly Dick Joke Advocate.

This came about when I got an unexpected call from X about a month before the event and he mentioned in passing that he'd already booked a table for this event. I offered to share the booth with him, because I want to attend more cons and I thought I could handle the 5hr drive. I've tabled about a half-dozen cons so far, this would be his first. And although he's a relatively new friend (a year?), I didn't have the impression he was racist -- at least not overtly or knowingly so... I wouldn't associate myself with anyone who identified as "Alt-Right", I think that should be apparent from my work, of which X is aware. Dunking on these racists was part of all three of my most recent YouTube videos, and a comic I published in 2016 which appears in my recent Woohooligan Vol 2 (page 29) that I now have on the table at the event thanks to our recent Kickstarter.

youtube

What I didn't realize until I arrived at the event, is that X is selling t-shirts labelled "Fantasy Lives Matter". There are about a dozen of them, roughly half of his t-shirt designs, so for example a picture of an orc with the text "Orc Lives Matter", another for Elf, Dwarf, etc. I hoped at first that it would go unnoticed as people often don't read the text and just check out the artwork. I've already noticed one girl at the table this morning was put off. She asked me, "are you a Black Lives Matter person or an all lives matter person"? To which I responded "black lives matter... I haven't had that specific conversation with X, though I suspect he's the same"...

Apparently I was wrong, which, I realize in retrospect is what I should have expected, because I think the majority of people would have picked up on the poor taste of trivializing serious problems faced by real people. I want to say I think most people would have picked up on that faster than I did actually, since I think I'd seen these graphics before (I mean, months ago), and it just hadn't clicked in my mind, despite all the work I've done.

I tried to have a brief conversation with X about it, which went nowhere good...

Me: Hey, X. This girl just left, put off by the FLM designs... she asked if I was BLM or ALM.

X: [rolls eyes] Yeah that was my dad's big problem too, thinking people would be offended, and if they are, fuck 'em. I'm saying "all lives matter", even fictional ones.

(That last sentence is a huge problem for me, for reasons I think should be obvious.)

Me: "All lives matter" is intended to shut down people trying to address serious problems.

X: People don't know how to address problems... and to be honest, some of those people running in with the police deserve what they're getting.

(We're way into not-okay territory here and I've invested a huge amount of time and a notable amount of money in this event, and knowing now that X apparently has difficulty staying awake while driving on the freeway, I'm also concerned about his safety if I decided to just leave suddenly... but at this moment I'm not ready to get into what seems like is likely to devolve into a screaming match in front of everyone at the con.)

Me: the BLM movement only exists because there's a huge amount of injustice built into the system. When everything else is held equal, a black person on average receives 2-3 times more jail time than a white person, and that should never happen.

(I don't have reference for that specific figure on-hand -- please check my work and leave a link if you have one, whether I remembered it correctly or not. Thank you.)

X: [basically murmurred agreement]

I don't want to make any excuses for his diminishing of real-world problems, I think it's bad... I'm conflicted about how to address this problem for myself... I plan to publish photos of myself at the con, and the signs for those designs will be in the background... do I black them out? If I do that, am I enabling him?

I don't *think* he realizes what the problem is... I don't *think* he's deliberately racist. On the way back to the house from the convention he offered to buy me dinner at a shawarma place (I'd never had it -- it was good -- it actually reminded me of some southern cafeterias, although the seasoning and the decoration were a little different.)

The waitresses wore hijabs and he was familiar them (had been there many times), and treated them nice enough... though I will say that some of the things he says seem fairly insensitive in a general sense. For example, he makes a lot of objectifying comments about women, including for example, one of the shawarma waitresses, "[damn she's hot]... and great tits". (Of course, he's only seen her breasts 100% covered -- not even cleavage -- so it's a little odd to me to hear someone be so overtly objectifying of someone who's entire outward image is one of "I am not here for you to ogle".) And the whole day at the con was similar -- frequent mentions of "she's smokin' hot" or "that red head" or "I've never wanted to give wood to an elf so bad", which I tried not to encourage. (I like porn too, but my interest in potential partners isn't based on their looks.)

These are things I hadn't noticed in previous phone or online conversations. So I'm a bit conflicted... He's open enough to be friendly with the shawarma waitresses... but he's also interested in them to the point of sexual interest in women who're being very careful to be NOT sexy. So how confrontational should I be about "fantasy lives matter"?

I don't plan to share a table with him again if he's going to continue promoting them... I would hope he would eventually figure out that the phrase is likely to reduce his sales, even when a person might agree with his sentiment, because they don't want to buy a shirt that's going to get them into verbal fisticuffs with people. But this being his first event, and saying that he's already plunked down $1400 into it, it seems to me unlikely that he'll learn that soon. Though in honesty, it always feels like cold comfort to me when someone is doing the right thing only because they realize some kind of financial reward for it.

So should just not sharing tables in the future be where I leave it? Is it okay to accept that, "he's not a deliberate racist, just kind of an insensitive jerk" and just limit my involvement? As an autistic person who knows what it's like to be ostracized for being unintentionally insensitive, am I being too harsh if I say I feel like this is too much? Does that make me a hypocrite? And what about the fact that there are now photos of me in the act of affiliating myself with the creator who promoted "fantasy lives matter"?

Regardless of how it may impact my image, I'm trying to figure out what course of action will produce the best results for everyone -- that hopefully anyone who can become a better person will, regardless of how it impacts my image. Obviously I always have to think about my image, we all do, but that's a secondary concern. I feel like I should be willing to sacrifice my image if the alternative is being hypocritical, cruel, or even just unwilling to evolve or better myself.

Thanks for reading and helping me with this. I appreciate any advice you have.

- Sam

(Now I need to get about 6 hours sleep, because I spent too long composing this blog and have to be up early for the event tomorrow. Thank god my diabetes didn't trash my energy today, and fingers crossed I have the same luck tomorrow.)

UPDATE 9/17/2018

Maybe I should have waited until the end of the event before writing this blog, but the subject distresses me and I wanted to talk about it sooner than later. At the end of Friday, neither X or I had sold anything at the event. Saturday morning, X printed off about 4 shirts as samples to lay on the front of the table (good marketing), to show people that, "hey these pictures on the poster in the back go on t-shirts". It worked and over Saturday and Sunday, he sold at least a half-dozen shirts, most of them "Fantasy Lives Matter" shirts. So while there are some people who are offended by them, there are apparently also a large number of people excited by them (I think exclusively white people that I saw, although most of the attendees looked pretty white to me as well). ::sigh::

Over the course of the event, 27 new people signed up for our Woohooligan Weekly Dick Joke Advocate mailing list. I know many of those people were either indifferent to the FLM shirts or some may have even been excited by them... but I have no idea how many people may have simply avoided conversation with me all-together because of them.

I still have no plans to share another table with X. It's weird to me, because he's really sensitive about other things, like he kept profusely apologizing for falling asleep in the car because he apparently suffers from pretty bad road hypnosis. He's made the hour drive before, but I was concerned about him making the drive after a full day manning the table at the con. Meanwhile I also discovered he's got a huge chip on his shoulder about (of all things) shaking hands.

X: I hate it. I don't like people touching me.

Me: You know people are about 30% more likely to buy from you right?

X: You may be right, but I don't care. It was originally a symbol of distrust. Do you know where it came from?

Me: Yeah, it was originally a way of showing that you weren't armed, but it's evolved into a symbol of trust.

X: It's evolbed into a bullshit thing we do for no goddamn reason!

So to recap: shaking hands is tragic evidence of the decline of civilization, while Black Lives Matter is deluded and don't know how to address problems, and "many of them deserve what they're getting anyway".

I just can't fathom how a person can have that set of priorities when they go out of their way to eat shawarma and so forth and don't appear to be outwardly racist in any other way that I can tell.

His FLM shirts outsold mine by a wide margin, and frankly I don't care... or rather, I find it disheartening... and I'm not about to deliberately associate my work with it in the future. All people need justice, and if you think it through, you should realize that "all lives matter" is the actual meaning of "black lives matter". Saying "all lives matter" as a response is like saying of the condition of slaves, "slave owners have problems, too!" It takes air away from the importance of addressing a great deal of injustice in our country and I don't want to contribute to trivializing that in any way. Even if I stood to gain financially from it, I wouldn't do it.

I'm still not sure what else to do, beyond just not sharing con tables with him again, and would still appreciate hearing any thoughts you have on it. Thanks.

- Sam

#racism #public relations

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margridarnauds · 7 years ago

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Ronan/Laz and Wash/Mira

Thank you!

Ronan/Laz

To fully understand my relationship with this ship, we have to go into one of the darkest periods of my life, a period of time that, to this day, I struggle to talk about: The first time I was into 1789, circa 2015-ish. I was young, I was impetuous, I was heavily closeted (to myself; my mom had already given me my “YOU KNOW I WILL LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS” conversation) and…I shipped…Ronan/Olympe.

100%.

Like, “Google Translated French Fanfiction on FF.net to get more content” shipped it. (Now, I suspect it’s because I was a bisexual mess, but I digress).

As I said, a dark, cursed time where I shipped the *100% canon* brother-in- law/sister-in-law.

I barely remember it. I scarcely acknowledge it happened. It physically pains me to mention it.

I had the Takarazuka version, but I didn’t have subtitles to it and, as a result, I didn’t really…watch it…all the way through, instead skipping around as it suited me. I knew about Laz’s sex dungeon, but it really didn’t…register, I suppose? How very, very gay it was and the chemistry that was there. I did NOT like Lazare, I didn’t see why he occupied a considerable piece of fandom time (Not enough) when he has such a small role and he’s portrayed fairly consistently as an asshole throughout the musical (Yes, he’s an asshole, but he’s my asshole now). R/L has NOTHING on FF.net to this day and, I don’t think at the time, there was anything on AO3? And if there was, I don’t remember seeing it and, if I did, I’m pretty sure my initial reaction would still have been, “Who cares about Lazare? He’s so mean! EW!” (Oh, my sweet, naive, teenaged self. How the tables will turn. How the tables will turn.)

Now, it’s hard to sustain an interest in a show with negative chemistry between the leads and the growing realization that French!Ronan is an asshole, and eventually my interest in 1789 dimmed considerably. Not entirely faded, but dimmed.

Then came The Stream.

So, last year, around June-ish, the Moraholics set up a series of European Musical streams that lasted around half a year and was an absolute masterpiece of cooperation, and among them, we had the Takarazuka 1789, as subbed and hosted by the utterly phenomenal @berncat, who I’m eternally grateful to but who is also still not off the hook for getting me back into this Hell. And, suffice it to say (1) Having the Japanese actually translated and, for example, hearing Lazare promise to “give [Ronan] release” while looking at him with bedroom eyes, (2) Watching Magee with that whip, answering many questions about my sexuality that I didn’t know I had, and (3) Watching it with a group of people who were likewise cheering it on was a completely different experience with the musical than I’d had before and I jumped onto the ship HARD. (Btw, whoever said, “Someone should write a smutfic with Peyrol/Ronan” fuck you because it’s been nearly a year and the Abomination is, well, the Abomination and my 2k-4k pwp is now a sprawling universe in its own right currently clocking in at around 31k words and most of them aren’t even smutty, damn it). And, the week immediately afterwards, we watched the French and, well…

If I had any doubts about the viability of French!L/R, this kind of showed me that they were unfounded, with the Other Maniaque video (You know the one to which I refer) being the clencher (Was it really necessary to nuzzle your future arch-enemy, Ronan? And Laz, couldn’t you have been at least a little more proactive in making sure you didn’t get peasant germs on your nice fur coat rather than leaning into him?) That’s the weakest ass intimidation tactic I’ve ever seen and the only way I can justify it is Laz being in a constant state of “CUTE PEASANT BOY ABORT ABORT. CONCEAL DON’T FEEL” Right now, the only production I’m not really certain about is the Toho, since it looks like the Lazare there is significantly more…brutal than we’ve gotten before but, tbh, I can probably find some way to ship it there by selectively ignoring the canon as I always do.

So, yeah, I’ve basically been stuck in 1789 Hell since then, because apparently my brain said, “Special Interest? SPECIAL INTEREST?” It’s a bit unusual to me since I’m really not used to actually creating content for a ship this much (even if very little of it gets published).

I still ship it as hard if not harder than I did when I first jumped on; I think that they both have the most potential for growth and development from each other and the most potential as far as an overall plot arc (and delicious, delicious angst, hence why, across the board, no matter how much of the French production I bring into a given WIP, I always keep Peyrol being the one responsible for Ronan getting shot, though there’s also significant angst potential in Peyrol not knowing, thinking bitterly that Ronan had gotten what he wanted but still going back to their apartment only to find it empty, keeping hope that he’s alive for the rest of the night even as it becomes increasingly unlikely, thinking that perhaps Ronan’s still mad at him for everything that happened in Nous ne Sommes, only to learn the next day that Ronan’s dead). I can drop them into roughly any situation, both in the French Revolution and outside of it, and, for the most part, I can have fun with it. September Massacres? Check. Zombie Apocalypse? Check. Being dropped into the Cretaceous Period? Check. One of them’s a dragon who abducts the other one? Check. Afterlife Fic? Check. Going to Disney World together? Check. I was going to say “Childhood Friends AU” but we both know that only leads to pain but, otherwise? CHECK.

It’s very much a multipurpose ship for me; I can do basically whatever I want with it as it suits my mood, and Lazare de Peyrol is an absolutely fantastic torture subject.10/10 would recommend.

Mira/Wash

I hadn’t even considered this one until you brought it up and I’m very, very grateful you did because ANGST! PAIN! BETRAYAL! ANGST! WASH GETTING CHARACTERIZATION! ANGST! BONDAGE! ANGST! It’s definitely my dominant OTP for Terra Nova, I absolutely love it to bits. I liked both Wash and Mira the first time I watched it; I thought that both of them were more interesting than the main plot we got and, tbh, I wanted Wash content that wasn’t necessarily Wash/Taylor centered because I tried it once and it just felt…off. It’s not “NO BAD WRONG” for me and I have the distinct feeling that it’s what the writers were edging towards (which, given the other relationships in TN, might be why it felt off), but I definitely ended up preferring it as mutual, longstanding respect/loyalty rather than an actual romance.

So, Mira was definitely a better fit for me, in the sense that there’s a lot of potential there for Wash’s characterization that’s not really touched on in the show, there’s a chance for conflict for both of them, there’s a lot of potential as far as backstory, etc. And, looking at the trajectory of the series after Taylor goes, to use the clinical term, bat-shit insane, I think that there’s a lot of potential for a team up between the two of them and a moment where they basically end up meeting in the center so they can fuck up their respective old sides together, get Sienna, and live happily ever after. (Which is also why the Taylor/Mira team up was such a waste compared to Wash/Mira, because WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SET UP THAT OPPORTUNITY FOR A PARALLEL SCENE IN A FEW SEASONS AND NOT USE IT.)

The only reason I’m not as active with it as I am with, say, Laz and Ronan is because I feel significantly more uncomfortable writing in sci-fi and fantasy settings than I am with historical fiction/modern day fics. Because with that stuff, I have a decent grasp of the world I’m dealing with, how it works, the basic technology I’m dealing with, how to navigate it, etc. whereas with a sci-fi/fantasy element, it’s harder to nail it down, especially with something like TN where we got so little time in the world and most of it was wasted doing other things. (GIVE ME A SERIES BIBLE, SPIELBERG YOU COWARD; NOT JUST THE ARCS AND MYTHOLOGY WITH CREEPY!!TAYLOR.) I can’t really do research on it the same way I can for, say, The Women’s March to Versailles, and I don’t personally feel like I have as good of a grasp on that universe as a whole. I’m fine taking the characters in places that would make the original writers faint, but I want to have a decent grounding for it when I do it.

#1789 #Terra Nova #otp: he'd be troubled if you died on him #otp: Still doing Taylor's dirty work?#long post #WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE DARK AGES #IF I AM ASKED AFTERWARDS I WILL DENY IT HAPPENED #janetcarter

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