#and yeah i didn't touch on this in the ask but. it has been 0 days since fandom did a bi-erasure

[daryltwdixon]

Teach You III

warnings: smut, all the way baby

word count: 3k

summary: a continuation of part I & 2 daryl has 0 game, 0 experience, and is eager to please. oral (f!receiving), unprotected p in v, reader is gentle with Daryl. Some dirty talk :)

notes: I couldn't keep it from you any longer, thank you for being so patient with the edits, I tend to post and then proofread after (terrible idea)

The next morning

The golden morning light filters through the room, casting soft, hazy shadows across the bed. Daryl’s arm is still draped over her waist, his touch warm and tentative, like he’s afraid to hold on too tightly.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been awake, but he hasn’t moved, hasn’t dared to break the fragile stillness of the moment. His chest rises and falls against her back, his breaths steady but shallow, and his fingers flex against her hip like they’re testing whether this is real.

The night flashes through his mind in fragments, each one enough to leave his pulse thrumming all over again. Her hands on him, her lips, the way she’d whispered his name like a prayer. He doesn’t understand how it happened—how someone like her could want him, need him like that—but the evidence is right here, her soft, warm bare body pressed against his, her breathing slow and even in the morning light.

He shifts his head slightly, just enough to catch the faint scent of her hair, and the familiarity of it makes his chest ache. She smells like apple shampoo—like home, safety. Everything he never thought he’d have.

Her back presses against his chest, her body relaxed and content, but he can feel the tension in his own—the way his muscles are coiled tight, the way his breathing is just a little too controlled. He doesn’t want to wake her, doesn’t want to ruin whatever peace she’s found in the moments before the day begins.

But then, she stirs. Her body shifts slightly against his, her hand intertwining over his where it rests on her waist. Her fingers brush his, light and deliberate, and his breath catches in his throat.

“Morning,” she murmurs, her voice soft and full of warmth as she shifts slightly against him. Her plush bum moves against him, and Daryl makes a low sound in his throat, a mix between a grunt and a hum, but he doesn’t pull away. His hand slides along her side, his touch light and lingering, and she can feel the hesitation in him.

“You alright?” she asks, tilting her head back to glance at him.

His eyes flicker to hers, then dart away just as quickly. “Yeah,” he mutters, his voice rough with sleep as he kisses her shoulder. “Just… dunno if you…” He trails off, his jaw tightening as he stares at the far corner of the room.

She turns in his arms, her hand sliding up to cup his cheek, her thumb brushing over the rough scruff along his jaw. “Daryl,” she says softly, waiting until his eyes finally meet hers. “If you’re gonna ask if I regret anything, the answer’s no. Not a single thing.”

The tension in his shoulders eases, but there’s still a flicker of doubt in his gaze. “Told ya I ain't ever...” he says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just didn't want to mess it up.”

Her smile is gentle, her fingers tracing light circles against his jaw. “You didn’t mess up anything,” she reassures him. “You made me feel incredible. And I want more.”

His breath hitches, his grip on her waist tightening slightly. “More?” he asks, like he doesn’t quite believe her.

She leans in, her lips brushing against his in a soft, teasing kiss. “Yeah, more,” she murmurs against his mouth, her fingers trailing up into his hair as she shifts her body to straddle his hips.

His breath stutters, his hands coming to rest on her thighs, but they stay still, hesitant. Her hands slide over his shoulders, steadying herself as she leans closer, her lips brushing against his ear.

“I want you, Daryl,” she whispers, her voice low and inviting. “Right here. Right now. If you're ready.”

He groans, low and rough, his hands twitching as they slide down to her thighs, but when she moves to guide him, he shakes his head slightly. “Wait,” he says, his voice thick. “I… I wanna...can I?"

She pulls back just enough to meet his gaze, her smile soft but teasing. “Oh?” she says, raising an eyebrow. “You wanna take charge now?”

His cheeks flush, but his hands slide to her waist, gripping her gently but firmly. “Wanna… wanna make you feel good,” he admits, his voice faltering but full of intent. “Just… lemme try.”

Her heart swells at the vulnerability in his voice, and she nods, sliding off him to settle back against the pillows. “Alright,” she says softly, her voice full of warmth as she watches him. “Take your time.”

He hovers over her, his hands braced on either side of her as he lowers himself down. His lips find hers again, tentative at first but growing bolder with every passing second. His body is warm and solid against hers, and the softness of her against him feels grounding, comforting.

“Tell me what you like,” he murmurs against her lips, his voice low and rough, and she can feel the sincerity in every word.

She smiles, her hands sliding up his back to rest between his shoulder blades. “I like you,” she whispers, her tone playful but full of truth. “And I like everything you’re doing.”

He looks down at her, his gaze lingering on the beginnings of the flush of her skin, the way her chest rises and falls beneath him, and the soft, inviting curve of her lips.

His cheeks are flushed too, but he doesn’t look away this time, suddenly moving down her body, “Wanna taste you again. Didn’t… didn’t get enough.”

Her breath catches, her heart stuttering at his words. “Daryl,” she murmurs, her tone laced with both surprise and affection.

He doesn’t waste time, his movements a little quicker now, though still careful, as he kisses his way down her body. His lips linger over her collarbone, her chest, and the soft swell of her stomach, each kiss deliberate and reverent.

When he reaches her hips, his hands slide along her thighs, coaxing them apart with a gentleness that makes her shiver. His gaze flickers up to meet hers as he settles between her legs, nipping at the skin of her.

He ducks his head, his hair falling into his eyes, but there’s a determination in his voice as he continues, rough and unfiltered. “Wanna taste this pretty pussy again,” he says, his fingers brushing over her skin, his touch deliberate but still trembling with need.

The noise that escapes her—a sharp, breathless gasp—sends heat surging through him, pushing him forward. His lips curve into a faint smile, more instinct than thought, before his face dips lower, his mouth finding her slick, swollen heat with unrelenting purpose.

He kisses her there first, soft and reverent, like he’s still testing the waters, still learning her. But the way her body jolts, the way her thighs tremble around his shoulders, drives him deeper. His tongue swipes along her folds, dragging up through her wetness, and he groans at the taste of her, low and guttural, the sound vibrating against her.

“Daryl,” she gasps, her hips shifting instinctively against his mouth.

The sound of her saying his name like that—breathless, needy—makes his cock twitch against the mattress, but he doesn’t pull back. His hands slide to her thighs, his fingers digging gently into her skin as he holds her in place.

“You’re so good, Daryl,” she breathes, her voice trembling as her fingers tighten in his hair, pulling him closer.

The praise makes his chest swell, pride mixing with desire as he focuses all his attention on her. His tongue moves with growing confidence, swirling over her sensitive nub before dipping lower, teasing her entrance with slow, deliberate strokes.

“Fuck,” she gasps, her head falling back against the pillow as her hips buck toward him.

He groans again, the vibration making her whimper, and he slides one hand down between them, his fingers testing her wetness before easing one inside. The tight heat of her around his finger is almost enough to make him lose control, but he holds steady, his focus entirely on her.

“Like this?” he asks, his voice rough and muffled against her, his finger curling gently inside her.

“Yes,” she moans, her body arching into him. “Just like that, baby. Don’t stop.”

Encouraged, he curls his finger inside her, his tongue flicking and suckling over the sensitive bundle of nerves at her center. Her moans grow louder, her body moving instinctively against him, and he adds another finger, the stretch of her around his fingers making drops of precum drip from him.

Her thighs tighten around his head, her breathing ragged as her body moves against him, desperate and needy. “Daryl,” she whimpers, her voice breaking. “I’m so close—fuck, don’t stop. Please.”

He doesn’t. He doubles down, his fingers curling inside her, finding that spot that makes her cry out, his tongue pressing harder against her. Her body tightens, her back arching as the tension inside her snaps, her release crashing over her in waves.

He holds her through it, his movements slowing as she comes down, her breathing ragged and uneven. When she finally relaxes beneath him, her thighs trembling, he presses kisses to her inner thigh before crawling back up her body, peppering her soft skin with his lips. As he reaches her hip bone and further up, he lets his teeth graze her, causing a pleasant yelp from her, but he licks each puncture smooth with his tongue.

Eventually, his mouth lands back on hers, and he’s surprised by her fervent need for him, her hands threading back into his hair as her legs bracket his hips. The soft press of her body against his is electric, her lips urgent and warm as they move against his. His cock is rock hard and achingly hot and heavy as it presses against her, the sensation making his hips twitch.

“Are you going to fuck me, Daryl?” she whispers, her mouth brushing against his jaw, her breath hot on his skin.

The growl that escapes him is nearly inhuman, guttural and raw, and he feels his nerves fray at the edges, torn between his desperate need for her and the doubt clawing at his chest. Could he do this? Could he be what she needed, take her like this?

Her lips curve into a smile as she pulls back to look at him, her hand sliding to cup his jaw. He presses his forehead against hers, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts, as he shifts, his hips aligning with hers. The weight of her trust—her eagerness—makes his throat tighten. He wants her to see it, how much he wants this, how much he wants her.

When he reaches down to pump himself in his hand, his breath catches in his throat, a shaky hiss escaping his lips. “Fuck,” he mutters, dragging his cock along her slick heat, feeling how ready she is for him. Both of them gasp when the head of him catches at her entrance, the heat of her making his chest tighten and his mind spin.

She cups his face with both hands, her smile widening as her thumbs stroke his cheeks. “You’re doing so good,” she murmurs, her voice steady and full of warmth.

Her words calm some of the chaos in his chest, and he nods, leaning in to kiss her, soft and slow. “You’re so wet,” he mumbles against her lips, the words rough and unfiltered. “So fuckin’ soft.”

As he pushes into her, his body seems to give out, falling forward until his chest is pressed to hers, his arms trembling with the effort of holding himself up. Her hands stroke the back of his head, her fingers tangling gently in his hair as she pets him.

“I feel you, Daryl,” she whispers, her voice breathy and full of praise, "You feel amazing. So big, so good. Tell me how you feel. You okay?"

He nods quickly, his breath uneven. “Y-yeah,” he mutters, pulling back slightly to hover over her again. His hips move tentatively, just enough to let him feel the drag of her walls around him, and his entire body shudders. “Jesus… you’re squeezin’ me so tight. Feels… God, you feel so good.”

She gasps at the movement, her lips parting as her hips rise to meet his. “Just like that, Daryl,” she whispers, her voice trembling. “Please, please, just like that.”

Her begging sends a jolt of heat straight to his core, She was begging, Daryl realized. Begging for more--for more of him. The thought makes his head fuzzy, but it also spurs him on.

With another shaky exhale, he pushes in further again, his movements slow and careful, like he’s afraid of hurting her. Her soft gasps spur him on, each one sending a jolt of heat straight to his core. When he finally seats himself fully inside her, his arms tremble with the effort of holding himself up, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts.

“You’re perfect,” she breathes, her hands sliding up to cradle his face. Her eyes lock with his, and the look she gives him—full of trust and affection—makes his heart stutter.

“I dunno what I’m doin’,” he admits, his voice low and hoarse, his cheeks flushing.

She smiles, her thumbs brushing along his jaw. “You’re doing everything just right,” she whispers, her voice steady. “Just, please, God, move, Daryl. Please. Whatever feels good to you.”

He nods slowly, his gaze never leaving hers as he starts to move. His thrusts are tentative at first, unsteady, but the soft sounds she makes—the quiet moans and sharp intakes of breath—give him the confidence to keep going.

His movements grow bolder, his hips rolling against hers in a rhythm that’s still slightly uneven but filled with intent. Each stroke sends sparks of pleasure coursing through him, and he can feel the way she tightens around him, her body reacting instinctively to his.

“You’re takin’ me so good,” he murmurs, his voice rough and unsteady as he leans down to press his lips to her neck. “So fuckin’ good.”

Her nails scrape lightly down his back, her moans growing louder as her hips rise to meet his. The way she moves beneath him, the way she says his name like it’s the only thing on her mind, sends him spiraling.

“Daryl,” she gasps, her voice high and breathless. “Please, fuck, don’t stop.”

Her words push him further, his thrusts deepening as he buries his face against her neck, groaning softly against her skin. The heat between them builds steadily, their bodies moving together in perfect sync.

And then, her hand slips between them, her fingers finding her clit and rubbing it in tight, deliberate circles. The sight makes his breath catch, his hips faltering as he pulls back to sit up, his movements slowing. His eyes drop to where their bodies are joined, mesmerized by the way her fingers work against herself, slick with both of them, her hips writhing to meet each stroke.

“Shit,” he mutters, his voice thick with awe as he watches her. His thrusts slow further, each one deliberate and deep, giving her room to move, his chest heaving as he tries to keep his focus.

She’s falling apart beneath him, her lips parting into a perfect “o” of pleasure as her eyes flutter closed, her head tipping back against the pillow. Her moans grow louder, more desperate, her fingers moving faster as her body tightens around him.

“Daryl,” she gasps, her voice trembling, her free hand clawing at his back. “I’m gonna—fuck, I’m gonna cum—please, don’t stop!”

Her begging is his undoing. He grits his teeth, thrusting harder and even faster than before, meeting the rhythm of her fingers with every stroke. Her thighs tremble around him, her hips jerking as she cries out, her release crashing over her.

The way her body grips him, fluttering and pulsing around his cock, makes him lose control. He groans loudly, his hips slamming into hers as he chases his own release.

“Fuck,” he growls, his voice raw as he thrusts harder, faster, the sensation of her tight, wet heat pushing him over the edge.

He spills into her with a broken groan, his body trembling as his climax crashes through him. He thrusts once, twice more, riding out the waves of pleasure before collapsing onto her, his breath ragged and uneven.

Her arms wrap around him, her fingers stroking his back as she presses soft kisses to his temple. The room is quiet now, save for the sound of their breathing, heavy and slow, as they come down together. Her hands stroke his back, her touch gentle and grounding as she murmurs quiet praises into his ear, her voice full of warmth.

“You’re incredible,” she whispers, her lips pressing soft kisses to his temple.

He exhales shakily, his eyes fluttering closed as he lets her words sink in. Each kiss feels like a promise, soft and ticklish, and he can't believe he had any remnants of uncertainty when he woke up this morning. His hands slide beneath her, tightening his arms around her and grounding himself in the warmth of her beneath him.

“Daryl?” she says softly, a teasing edge creeping into her voice.

“Yeah?” he asks, tilting his head to meet her gaze, his brows furrowing slightly.

“I’m real hungry,” she says, her lips curving into a sheepish grin, her fingers toying lightly with the hair at the nape of his neck.

For a moment, he just stares at her, caught off guard by the sudden shift. But then, a low, rough chuckle escapes him, and the tension in his shoulders melts away.

“That so?” he mutters, his lips twitching into a small, lopsided grin. “Guess I worked ya up an appetite, huh?”

She laughs, the sound warm and carefree, and tugs him down for another quick kiss. “Guess you did,” she teases, her eyes glimmering with mischief.

Daryl huffs a laugh, shaking his head as he rolls off her and reaches for the sheet to wrap around them both. “Alright,” he says, his voice softer now, full of affection. “Let’s see what we can scrounge up.”

[sugawhaaa]

CLOUD ONE-SHOT

[Exchange]

Warnings/genre:: SMUT, what are we ahh prompt, masturbation, vibrator, reader mentions having a male ex

Pairing:: cloud x fem!bodied!reader

A/N:: I intentionally made this very unexplained so that you can place your own story into this. Are you and Cloud exes? Fwb? Friends? Maybe you both have feelings for each other but won't admit it? I dunnooooo

You moan softly as you feel the vibrations running up your folds and circling around your clit. You toss your head back as your legs begin to twitch toward your body, the pleasure taking control of your body. Just as you felt the layers of pleasure begin to stack up you hear a rather loud knock on your door before it opened to cloud. He had that same blank expression before realizing your situation. He blushes slightly but his expression doesn't change a whole lot...surprisingly.

"Sorry," he quickly turns to leave but you quickly stop him.

"Wait!" You lean forward and he turns to look at you. He could hear the desperation in your voice and he sighs softly. "Could you..." You look up at him but he doesn't look very convinced at all. "Help me?"

"Why?" He responds fast, his eyes avoiding your nude body with ease, he'd rather look at your face when you talk to him.

"Because it..." you huff in frustration. "Just please. You don't even have to touch me directly if that's too gross for you, use a toy on me or something," you explain and you can see the conflict in his eyes. He definitely has an argument going on in his head. He pauses for a long moment in the doorway. "You don't have to but...I'd really like it if you'd do this for me, just once," you plead softly. "Lately I haven't been able to...get the same amount of pleasure. Ever since I broke up with, you know, him, I can't feel the same. I feel...lonely?" You try to sort through your feelings. "It's like I need someone there to help me emotionally and physically," you explain as you sway your feet slightly.

"Fine," Cloud huffs and closes the door over. "What do you need me to do?" He puts his hands on his hips after taking off his sword.

"First take off your boots and then sit beside me," you pat the empty spot beside you. Cloud takes another deep breath before kicking off his worn boots and gently sitting next to you. "You should take the gloves off too, they may be dirty," you point to his hands and he sighs again before taking them off and setting them aside.

"I guess you're right," he neatly puts his gloves on your nightstand before turning back to you. "And now?" He tilts his head at you, almost looking like a lost puppy. You grab your vibrator and set it in his bare hand.

"I'm sure you know what that is," you smile and he blushes slightly.

"Yes," he looks at it carefully, reading the controls and buttons on it. "You just want me to use it on you?" He shrugs and you nod. Cloud nods his head before gently parting your legs. His forceful motion caught you by surprise; you expected him to be a little more confused and need a step-by-step guide on how to even start.

He then turns the vibrator on to level two before bringing it down to your exposed core. You bite your lip in anticipation as he brings the tip of the vibrator to your clit. You hold back a moan but quickly release it. You toss your head back against one of the propped-up pillows and Cloud watches intently, your mouth hung open in a perfect 0 shape.

Cloud tilts his head as he watches your expressions, it was a little hard to tell if you were in pleasure or pain, your brows furrowing before curling up and your eyes flutter closed and occasionally squint. "Is that good?" He asks to be sure, though he didn't sound very convincing. You knew Cloud well after all these years and you could tell he really did care if he was doing good.

"Yeah," you breathe out with a little smirk. "You can press a little harder," you look over at him, your face flushed.

"Kay," he presses the vibrator harder against your clit. Your legs jerk up as you gasp from the drastic change in intensity. His eyes follow quickly at your reactions; he then turns the vibrator up a notch and watches as your back arches.

"Oh fuck," you groan and Clouds eyes follow your body's motions. You squirm slightly and you feel Clouds cold hand against your back. He gently lifts you up to sit up against the bed again.

"You were sliding down the bed," he explains, clearly shy but trying to hide it. "Is it good if I move it like this?" He rubs the vibrator back and forth on your clit and you let out a high-pitched whine that catches his attention.

"Yeah," you smile softly before feeling the vibrations increase again.

"Okay enough questions, just...sit still," that was clouds way of saying he wants to make you cum now. He gently turns the vibrator up all the way and watches the way you contort in pleasure. He uses a little circular motion with the wand against your clit, a hint of a smirk playing across his lips. You abruptly grab onto his muscular bicep, your nails digging in.

"C-Cloud," you moan as you toss your head back, your lips parted beautifully once again. He soaks up the view as you reach your peak, the way your body acts on its own, the way your chest heaves with each stuttering breath, the way your legs shake softly. He wanted to watch you like this for hours...however the orgasm was short lived and you soon returned to your regular self, only out of breath now.

Cloud gently turns off the vibrator and sets it aside, but as he pulls it from your folds he noticed the strings of arousal that stick to it. He feels his face heat up but he tries to focus on you. "Can you hand me that glass of water," you point to the nightstand and he reaches out passed his gloves to grab the glass. He hands it to you and watches as you chug it.

"So...you satisfied?" He clears his throat slightly and you nod.

"Yup, unless...?" You tilt your head and he looks away quickly.

"I-I don't know...I'm fine," he goes to get up but something holds him back, not you, but something inside him. Maybe that image of you replaying in his head.

"Are you sure? You seem a little..." you glance down at the bulge in his pants and he groans. He felt torn. Indulge or walk away? "You don't have to but I'm offering to help you. Think of it as an...exchange~"

[tyrantisterror]

At Sea Without a Map Pt. 7

The sea monster shoots you a skeptical glance, waiting for you to start the conversation. You know roughly the topics you want to broach, but not the specific questions you want to ask. As the awkward silence wears on and her skeptical glare gets more concerned, you decide to organize your thoughts in an unconventional way.

"Four questions about our fight... three about who and what she is... two about where we are... and one about other humans, I think," you mutter to yourself.

"What was that?" she asks.

"Nothing!" you say, too hastily for her to believe you. "So, um, I guess we should talk about our, um, fight last night?"

She frowns and nods her head. "Yeah, it got a little ugly, didn't it," she says as she leans back and shoots you a charming, sharp-toothed smile. "But don't worry, I forgive you."

"Fuh - forgi... You forgive me? You forgive me?" you splutter. "You tried to eat me!"

"Yeah, and you tossed a net on me and ran me over with your boat," she answers calmly. "Overall, I think you got the better of that situation."

"You tried to eat me!" you reiterate. "I only fought back in self defense!"

"And I only attacked in hunger," she says, tossing her long hair back. "We both did what we did to survive, and I don't see why we have to make a big deal about it."

"I can't believe this," you mutter is frustration. "Are you at least sorry?" you ask. (East Questions Left: 3 of 4)

She narrows her serpentine eyes as she looks at you. "No. I mean, I'm not happy about it, as you seem like a nice enough person, and I was touched by your concern for my well-being, but human sailors are a staple of my diet. I am built to hunt your kind. I'm not going to apologize for my biology."

It's a frustrating answer you want to argue against, but you don't see an angle at the moment to do so. "Well, can you promise not to try and eat me again?" you ask. (East Questions Left: 2 of 4)

Her eyes drift towards her tail, which has shrunk considerably in size since your confrontation the previous night. "I don't think I actually can," she says. "I hunt your kind by luring them close, sinking my hooked claws into them, and dragging them underwater to drown. The sheer muscle provided by my tail is what makes it such an effective strategy, and our tussle left me so beat up that I had to consume most of its mass to recover. Trying to drown you now would be a lot riskier, so no, I don't think I can eat you."

A look at your face makes her smile nervously and add, "But I can tell that's not the answer you were looking for, so, uh... I promise not to try to eat you, specifically, anymore?" She flashes another sharp-toothed grin at you. "Even when I grow the rest of my tail back. You can be my special exception!"

That wasn't the answer you wanted either, but it's probably the best you'll get. "Are humans even that nutritious, anyway? Surely there's better prey you can chase." (East Questions Left: 1 of 4)

"Humans are among the largest and most nutritious things I can catch at full strength," she answers. "There are plenty of larger sea creatures, but I'm not built to hunt them. I don't have huge jaws or big, meaty claws, you see. I eat what I can get, like anyone else."

None of these answers have been particularly comforting, so you decide to get the very heart of this matter. "Can I trust you not to hurt me?" (East Questions Left: 0 of 4)

She cocks her head to the side, the coils of her many locks of hair bouncing in the process. "You barely know me, and I barely know you. I don't think either of is at a place where 'trust' can come into play yet."

"Fair enough," you say. "Let's get to know each other, then. What's your name?" (West Questions Left: 2 of 3)

Her yellow eyes peer at you for a moment, studying you closely. "My name is Calibani," she says.

"Calibani? What, were your folks a fan of Shakespeare?" (West Questions Left: 1 of 3)

"Not to my knowledge," she says. "I never met my parents, much less saw them shake any spears. I was alone when I hatched. What about you? What's your name?"

There's no answer to that question, or at least none you can recall. You've been alone so long that there's been no need for it, and as you try to remember, you draw a blank. "Sailor," you say. "I'm a sailor."

"Kind of on the nose, isn't it?" she says with a small laugh, her nose scrunching a bit as she smirks. "Like calling a fish Swimmy or something."

A part of you wants to laugh too, but you decide to focus. "Are there others like you out there?" you ask. (West Questions Left: 0 of 3).

A soft plap fills the air as her finned tail idly strikes the floor. "Hmm... other sea monsters in general? Oh yes, lots. Others of my kind, specifically?" She thinks for a moment, her face tense with concentration. "I don't know. There might be? I'm the only one of my kind I've ever seen, but it's a big sea out there."

"That's a point," you say. "This is a big sea. Where exactly are we, right now? The Pacific? The Atlantic?" (North Questions Left: 1 of 2)

You feel a chill run down your spine as her big, yellow eyes stare at you with a mix of concern and disbelief. "We're in the Sea of Monsters, of course. So-named because it is a monstrously large sea, and because its denizens are all quite monstrous themselves." She leans in closer as she elaborates, "You know the dread you get when you see the ocean in its enormity, and all the strange horrors it might hold in its deepest depths? That's where we are, deep in that dread. Take every sea monster you've heard tales of, and imagine every variation of them you can, and you will not only have a good idea of what you can find here, but also only have a small fraction of what lives within these waters. Do you get the picture?"

With a lump of fear in your throat, you nod slowly. "Ok. Ok, ok, ok. So... um..." You scratch your head and try to figure out how to phrase your next question. "Why can't I remember anything from before I came here?" (North Questions Left: 0 of 2)

Calibani regards you with pity. "I have no idea, sweetness, but you have my sympathy."

"What about others of my kind?" you blurt out. "You say you prey on sailors, so you must have seen some. What do you know about other humans out here?" "South Questions Left: 0 of 1)

Her face scrunches up in an apologetic frown as she reluctantly answers, "Not much? Every now and then a boat comes into my hunting grounds. Usually there aren't many of your kind - a handful at most. I wait until one is alone, then approach and lure them into the water. I generally don't stop to make small talk, as I assume you don't make small talk with whatever it is you eat." She gives you another apologetic frown and shrugs her shoulders. "I wish I could be more help, but I don't actually know a lot about your species beyond ways to hunt them."

Despair overtakes you - not in a dramatic way, but in a slow, sinking feeling, like you're being dragged slowly into the water, air leaving your lungs in small bursts, darkness surrounding you as the light above grows more distant. This is the first person you've met and she's told you almost nothing useful. You sink down in your chair and hold your head in your hands.

Calibani notices your grief and, despite herself, catches some of it second hand. "Listen, I'm going to try and get some fish to eat," she says quietly. "Maybe we'll both feel better with some food." She casts a guilty look at you and adds, "Plus there's an island to explore, right? You humans love dry land, don't you? Maybe it'll be good to stretch your legs!"

She waits for a response, but you don't give her one, and so the sea monster quietly walks upstairs and leaves you alone in the cabin of your ship. A while after she leaves, you pull yourself out of your funk enough to take action.

You consult your compass:

[bloodyshadow737]

The cure? Or a curse=part•1

Masterlist of everything

Masterlist of this

Next chapter→

Matching: Rick Grimes x male reader

•English is not my first idioms so if you found something wrong I would appreciate that you notified me

•i don't know if some one already make this but I'm gonna make a series with this topic because is have so much potential, and this episode is lore for reader so if you don't want you can skip it but it give you the origin of him

Warning: mention of kidnapping, blood,

The beginning of the most traumatic experience are not in a dark corridor or a abandoned building, it begins were you don't expect

Day 1 - 0 infections

The hospital is more crown for usual, but actually in series always show you the hospital's with a lot of people on it, is not always like that. Getting the food cart around the rooms was something a little bit satisfied, you can talk with the patients and make them get better by some company especially with the old people.

Getting inside the room you found Miss Norris, already complaining with the IV because she can't handle to watch herself with it, what a drama queen you love her.

"Now now miss Norris, what I tell you about touching your IV?"

The old lady get his hands out of the IV making some complaining noises getting some laugh from you.

"Ugh! This thing is so annoying!"

Walking to her you hold his arm passing your fingers on top of his IV trying to calm her nuisance

"I know you don't want to be here and be with you granddaughter but first you need to get better, now, I know you don't like the hospital food so me and my daughter get you some pancakes"

Getting the plate in front of her you show her the pancakes you made with your daughter they are different colors ,suggest by your daughter she thinks that he hospital people need more colors in the place, so they look like a rainbow tower. Miss Norris watch this excited by eating something delicious, she grab the fork starting to eat this happy meanwhile you started to register how her doing until today.

"Mmmmm~ delicious tell you daughter that she is adorable"

"Ha ha she is, she wanted to make different flavors but we didn't have the fruits for it"

Miss Norris laugh getting alf the food and you finish to register everything.

"Well miss Norris, everything is looking good so maybe tomorrow you can leave"

She smile and move a hand to hold yours with a sweet affection

"Tanks Y/N"

Day 2 - 0 infections

It look like some police men get shot, is family and partner are in the waiting room, they look so devastated. Getting closer you get them three can of coke the kid got it excited and start drinking this with notorious anxiety, you smile to him trying to calm him.

"Don't worry kid, your papa is gonna be okey"

You tousle his hair making him smile, the mother smile grateful by your help, you watch her smiling now getting one hand in his shoulder.

"Everything is gonna be alright, the doctors are capable to save him"

The woman smile and get tne hand on top of your appreciating your words

"Tanks"

The police get fine from the operation but the men get intro a coma, the situation is horrible for the family but the important is that the men is okey. Watching him closer you get trapped a little bit by his face, it doesn't look so bad.

You get the serum to the men watching how the kid doesn't move his eyes from you, it look like the kid is looking high of you like a big brother or something.

The moment is interrupted by doctor coming in the room talking to you.

"Y/N I need to talk to you"

Nodding to her you get out of the room to her starting a talk with her.

"You seem to be doing fine in the hospital"

Weird

"Um yeah I been working here for years"

"That is not what a means, I mean by your health, you been doing okey? You been eating fine?"

Ho, is that what she mean

"I been doing okey, why you asking?"

You didn't notice that you were alone with her, if you had paid more attention maybe you could prevent everything.

A oxygen tank impact in your nape knock you out to the floor getting you unconscious

"No reason at all"

The doctor leave the tank and grab you by your legs starting to get you in a operation room.

"Tanks for offering yourself Y/N"

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

okay! So my idea was that after the incident with the monkey bomb and after she was adopted by silco, powder felt alone and sometimes she just walked trough zaun by herself. And one day she found reader rummaging through the trash for fabrics (because she likes to do her own clothes let's say) and she reminded powder of herself, so after seeing her some more times after that powder decided to talk to her and then they become inseparable and IDK it's like some chaotic teenage romance where they do dumb stuff together like sneak into piltover or get themselves into jail accidentally, whatever you can think of

This was definitely longer than I thought, feel free to change anything you want!

(hello! So sorry this sucks but I had a major headache and felt like writing! Anyways, the idea for the booth/carnival came from @spice-bunny0-0 ! Enjoy!)

Never Again...Maybe

So, this is what boring feels like.

Powder almost huffed, well, Jinx, did. Powder was getting used to the name Jinx for now, but mainly went by Powder.

It was just how it was at this moment.

She trudged along the streets of the Undercity, looking around for anything, anything at all, to do.

But there was nothing.

Before the…incident, Powder never felt truly bored.

There was always something to do, bug Mylo, hang out with Vi, bug Mylo with Claggor, or hang out with Ekko.

But…they weren't around, so she couldn't do any of that.

She didn't like the goons Silco hired that much, sure they were nice to her, but they had to be.

Unless they wanted the "big boss" to cut off a hand.

One of the perks of being taken in as a daughter by the Eye of Zaun.

Just as she was about to go back to the Last Drop, she stopped walking abruptly as a piece of metal hit her boot.

Powder tilted her head, curiously picking the scrap metal off the ground and examining it in her hand.

It was a piece to the others of the bombs she home-made, one she has been looking for.

With a small smile, she tucked it into her holster pocket before hearing more metal clicking and…shuffling?

It was coming from the alleyway, so as curious as she was, she followed the sound.

To her surprise, she found a kid around her age.

You were leaning over the dumpster, so much that your only body part visibly was your legs as you leaned down and tossed whatever you apparently didn't need out of the way.

"Come on…come on…aha!" Powder tilted her head confused, not moving as you exclaimed and quickly leaned back over onto your feet.

You held a spool of…fabric?

It wasn't ugly or in terrible condition, so much that even Jinx would take and use it for her clothes.

But now, Powder was in control. And Powder was curious.

You smiled, turning around quickly to leave with your treasure before jumping as you saw Powder standing almost right behind you.

"Oh! Hello…?" You asked, tilting your head as you held your find to your chest.

"What are you doing?" Powder cut quickly, not meaning to be rude but it came out like that.

"Oh, just finding fabric." You shrugged, like it was the most simple thing in the world.

"Why?" Powder asked, walking in unison with you as you left the alley.

"I make use of them for my clothes! I like making them." You smiled in pride, Powder now taking the time to look you up and down.

Your outfit was actually quite pretty, or more grand than you would find in the Undercity.

It was good for a home-made outfit.

"Those aren't from down here?" Powder asked, touching more fancy parts on your shirt.

"Yeah, they're not. I went Topside to get them." You smiled in pride, proud of the fact that you had gotten them in the first place.

"You did?!" Powder asked, her curiosity at an all time high at your almost bravery to sneak past enforcers up there.

Not that they scared her much anymore.

"Uh-huh! Now, I gotta go-" You broke the news, almost sad that you had to leave your almost new friend behind.

But you were cut off as Powder was suddenly In Front of you with a smile holding your wrist carefully but with a grip hard enough to keep you in place.

"I like you." Powder revealed, you raised a brow but laughed at her bluntness.

"I like you too." You shrugged, matching her smile as you adjusted your grip on your fabric.

"That's good." Powder nodded happily, before it faded ever so slightly.

"Because you don't have a choice." 

From the way she said it, it almost looked innocent, in fact, it did.

You were so surprised you thought you heard it wrong.

"Huh- woah!" You were tugged harshly by Powder, the girl suddenly having the energy to run and avoid bumping into others on the Undercity streets.

Powder was almost giddy, you reminded her of herself.

And with that, came an opportunity for a new friend for herself.

And she would not let it slip away.

~~

The days with Jinx turned into months, which turned into years. 

You and her were inseparable, you didn't live with her. But to your surprise, Silco liked you, or tolerated you.

You kept Jinx happy. And a happy Jinx was always good.

You and Jinx grew up together practically, never leaving one side from the other.

When one walked by the other was soon to follow, jumping over each other and making a giggling, pink and blue mess wherever you guys went.

But Jinx's favorite thing to do was sneak around.

Sneaking around Topside, in fact.

So that's how you ended up here now, in a flee from the Enforcers Topside with a giggling Jinx practically being carried on your back.

~~

"You sure this is a good idea, J.J?" You asked, laughing at her "disguise".

She was hard not to spot though, wherever Jinx went was a firecracker waiting to happen.

Her hair along with her outfit was always noticeable in a room.

But now, she had a coat so big that it almost covered her entire body, her hair pinned up with a hat on while wearing sunglasses.

It's not that she couldn't go Topside wearing "normal" clothes, but Jinx is Jinx. She did things the way she wanted.

"Of course it is! You got the balloons?" Jinx asked, tipping her sunglasses as you almost laughed once again before nodding.

"Perfect! Let's go!"

"You sure Silco will bail us out?"

"...Yeah, sure!"

~~

You and Jinx were in the middle of a carnival, being pushed around by Topsiders as you both looked through shops' windows and booths for what you needed.

Jinx had run out of crayons, oil crayons and paint for her doodles, so she needed more.

But she hated the ones down below, they broke easily or were flat out ugly ass colors.

So she resorted to having Sevika getting them imported, but Sevika was on some away mission and Jinx didn't care enough to have others do it.

Sevika got the right colors, and only Sevika, she may be an ass but she's good at picking out crayons for kids.

"What about those?" You asked, pointing out some oil crayons to Jinx.

She picked them up, humming occasionally before she nodded.

She stuffed her hand into her pocket, trying to grab enough money for the price but turns out, yal spent it when buying else and your fabrics.

"Shit." Jinx cursed under her breath, she had to pay, you said so yourself.

You didn't want to be thrown into a jail cell on Monday, so she resorted to paying.

She didn't want to upset you and you be mad at her, no, no.

But, there was no choice in this. Especially since this was practically the only booth with her paints and crayons she actually needed.

"Hey, (Name)? We're out." Jinx broke bluntly, her giggle almost escaping once she saw you grimace.

"Really? Again?" You asked, feeling the oncoming headache and preparing yourself from what is about to happen.

"Yup. Sorry, you're up." Jinx smirked, you couldn't get another word in before she slipped away to get her paints.

"Really?! Ugh, fine." You sighed, preparing yourself and putting on your best fake smile before you walked over to the booth owner.

"Hello! Could you tell me about these crayons? They're…fascinating…?" You questioned, almost giving yourself away but the booth owner didn't notice.

"I would love too! You see these one's…" The booth owner's voice drowned out as you absent mindedly nodded, glancing back at Jinx as she stuffed her jacket pockets.

This went on for almost three minutes, the booth owner finally following your eyes to Jinx just as she stuffed another box in her pockets.

"Hey!" The booth owner yelled, alerting enforcers and people standing by.

"Put those back!" The enraged man yelled, going to stomp over but stopped as you pulled him back.

"Sorry for this." You winced, the man confused before you popped a balloon of paint onto his head.

You quickly ran to Jinx as the girl was giggling madly, grabbing her hand and yanking her just as enforcers made it to the booth.

The mad booth owner wiped paint from his face, yelling and pointing to you two as you booked it, running into citizens but pushing them out the way.

Enforcers yelled for you to stop, but you couldn't with Jinx on your back and the promise of not going to jail today.

"We're not doing this again!"

"That's what you think! This is fun!"

[bcolfanfic]

For micah and wyatt, are they eachothers first relationship or did they date/HU with other people before eachother? I would also just love to hear more about Micah

micahhh sweet boy. he’s so much like gale in my mind. was a real quiet kid and had some speech delays from stuff w/ being a preemie. john would joke that gale was their ‘micah translator’ because he could always make sense of his gesturing and mumbling. <3 they just get each other.

he grows up knowing wyatt somewhat because he sees him when everyone gets together. but doesn't know him super well because wyatt's a good few years older than him and micah being a shy kid kinda sticks to his sister and the girls (the croz girls, naomi, the twins, helen and blakely's girls).

though when he's applying for colleges and what not he ends up goin' where wyatt's at because they have a good undergrad program for what he wants to do. social work <3

even as a college kid he's painfullyyy shy but his roommate is more extroverted and gets him out of his shell (author's note: i am introvert and my college best friend was/is an extrovert, i am projecting). takes him to a party that wyatt's at and wyatt is so :0 hey you, what are youu doing hereee?? still sees him as that shy lil kid that wouldn't hang out with the other boys at all the unit reunions. but is *fascinated* seeing him in such a different environment. and feels real protective of him all of a sudden.

wyatt texts him the next morning asking if he wants to go get hungover breakfast together, and can't help but laugh a little at how dead on his feet poor hungover micah looks lmao. but from that morning on they become buddies (:

wyatt's um ~been around the block~ and has had a handful of college hookups and boyfriends. micah sees him making out with boys at parties and that's what flips the "oh hm" switch in his brain about being attracted to him lmao. but micah hasn't done *anything* with anyone ever past making out with someone in high school once or twice.

they start hanging out more on campus after that little breakfast. throw a frisbee around, sit in the lawn chairs and yap etc etc. and one of those lawn chair yap sessions is when wyatt is like you're gay right? micah gets soo flustered bless him. but wyatt is just like lol yeah i figured, ribs him a lil about how he was always hanging out with the girls when they were growing up but didn't seem the least bit interested in any of them. asks him if he finds any boys on campus cute and micah is just like (: no (: just focused on my studies (:

which *wyatt* finds cute. tells him he should come to a party one of his buddies is throwing that weekend and ofc micah goes. finds himself switching outfits like 3 times before he leaves which his roommate makes fun of him for lmao. could mean nothing.

but wyatt can sense the nervous energy all over him, can tell he put a lil more effort into how he looks than he normally does and the cogs in his head start going. tells him he looks good just because he wants to see him blush, and gets all in his space touching his arm when he's talking to him. doesn't go further than that for the moment but it's enough that micah's head is spiningggg.

micah tries to distract himself by talking to other friends for a bit, but eventually sees wyatt across the room. locks eyes with him and smiles all cute. and when wyatt kinda nods in the direction of a more isolated area of the house micah goes right over there like an eager puppy.

says he was just gonna come looking for him, wyatt is like mmm yeah? and kisses that boy good. <3 kisses him silly and blows him in an empty bathroom with the party still going on right outside the door he has him up against <3

[cutesharkstudios]

Owl House Group Chat 2

(Hexsquad) 11:07 Willow has entered

Willow: I AM SO SORRY I'M LATE! THAT TOOK WAY LONGER THAN I THOUGHT!

Willow: Hello?

Amity has entered

Amity: Hey Willow. No worries

Willow: Yes worries! I promised I would be off at 10 and lost track of time

Amity: It's cool, this is suppossed to be a casual thing.

Willow: Ok. Side note, what did y'all do when I was gone?

Amity: Scroll up.

Willow: Oh my

Amity: I AM GETTING HER OTTER PLUSHIES YOU SICK MINDED INDIVIDUAL!!!!!!

Willow: Ok, ok

Hunter has entered

Hunter: Hi Willow

Willow: Hi Honey

Hunter: 0//0

Amity: Cute

Willow: HUNTER I MEAN! SPELLCHECK! SORRY!

Hunter: I like that name.

Willow: Really?

Hunter: I think it's cute, like you

Willow: 0//0

Amity: oh my

Willow: Yeah I deserve that

Darius has entered

Darius: My Hunter senses were tingling

Amity: Uncle Darius?!?!

Willow: Uncle?

Amity: He babysat me a ton as a kid. He and dad claimed they hated each other, but they didn't, and he helped dad take care of me.

Darius: Speaking of him, I need some advice.

Amity: Sure

Darius: Could we do this in a seperate chat with you, me, and the twins? I'll hext you the link

Amity: sure, see ya guys

Hunter: have fun

Willow: bye

(DariusAndBlightKids)

Darius: Amity will check in soon

Amity: Hey

Ed: Hi Amity

Em: Hey Ams

Amity: So what's going on?

Ed: Darius needs our help with something wonder what

Darius: And this doesn't leave this chat, ok?

Amity: 100%

Ed: got it

Darius: Em?

Em: Sorry, had to turn off the oven for dinner. Your secret is our secret

Amity: What ya making?

Em: Centaur roast and carrots

Amity: Thanks

Darius: Okay here it goes

Darius: I want to propose to Alador

Amity: WHAT

Ed: Really?

Em: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Darius: I've drawn up the plan and will send them soon.

Amity: OMG, Darius, this is awesome.

Darius: Thanks Amity, I hope it goes well. We've really grown over the 4 years of dating, and I hope I can be a good parental figure to you and the twins

Em: You really mean it?

Darius: Yeah, I've always wanted to be a dad, and now I have the opportunity. I hope I do well.

Amity: Well you can't do any worse than you-know-who

Darius: Thanks for the support, though she didn't set a high bar

Em: She set the bar at all?

Darius: Touche

Ed: And hopefully we will be good kids. I know we're adults, so it's probably not what you imagined being a dad would be like, but we promise to be good.

Em: And we'll continue to be good siblings as well. Side note, Amity?

Amity: Yes?

Em: Now that we are at a slower time in our lives, I want to ask, are we good?

Amity: Yes, why do ask?

Ed: Well, we teased you a lot in our youth. We never meant any harm, but we realise we may have been, as much as I hate to admit it, mean to you.

Em: That was never our intention, and we're sorry if we crossed any lines

Amity: Well, the only real line crossed was with the diary and Luz. But given how much of a jerk I was back then, I kind of had it coming.

Darius: I'm just as guilty. I crossed my share of lines in my past that Alador only told me about AFTER we started dating. Oof, not my finest moments

Em: Well what happened happened. We can't change the past, but we can make a better future.

Darius: Anyways, here's the plan…….

(MEANWHILE)

Room Created: OldWitches

11:13

Raine has entered Eda has entered Lilith has entered

Eda: Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day! Today's the day!

Lilith: Whoa, sister, calm down, what's the occasion?

Eda: After so long of trying to get an appointment, Raine's getting their sigil removing treatment!

Lilith: Awesome. I had mine yesterday, and I gave my sigil a certain gesture before it went away.

Eda: That's my sister. So, Rainestorm, what new magic do you want to try first?

Raine: You're not going to belive this but, of all types, illusions

Eda: I take it you saw that article I sent of Goops moping the floor with Adrian?

Raine: Yep, I had no idea you could tell when someone was hiding behind and illusion. We laughed at Adrian all dang afternoon post incedent.

Lilith: I would have paid SO many snails to see that

Raine: I got the whole thing on my scroll. And backed it up on three of my personal devices.

Eda: Whatever happened to him and the other defect coven leaders?

Lilith: Trying to find them, but so far no activity.

Raine: They should be dormant for now, but the hunt is still on.

Eda: Check out this news article I found. [link]

Raine: What is it?

Lilith: It better not be one of THOSE websites again.

Eda: You'll see

4:20

Raine: EDA!

Eda: Yes?

Raine: Why did you not tell me about this wonderful thing called fanfiction? I don't even know who wrote this but, God, they have excellent potential.

Lilith: I think I know who wrote it

Raine: Who is the author?

Lilith: If you scroll all the way up, you'll see the author is AzuraFanOtter, take a wild witch guess who that is

Raine: Well no wonder Luz is getting A's in her writing classes, this is wonderful

Eda: And fitting 20 characters in one scene while giving them all ample screen time is tricky, but she made it work.

Lilith: Maybe she should write her own book. The money made from that could benefit her greatly in the future.

Eda: Indeed, though she'll probably be fine when she marries Boots, cause all the Blights are LOADED.

Lilith: Now now, keep in mind, there is a change things don't work out for them. It's not like they were made with the other in mind.

Eda: …

Raine: …

Eda: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raine: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lilith: What? I'm serious.

Raine: We know, but I'll eat griffon feathers if they don't work out.

Eda: OH SHOOT! RAINE! THE TIME!

RAINE: GAH! MY TREATMENT'S IN 10! THE NEXT TIME SLOT IS A WEEK FROM NOW SO I GOTTA GO!

Raine has left

Lilith: Well, I promised Darius I'd help with a "surprise" for Alador.

Eda: Cool, have fun.

Lilith: Thank you for not making an innappropriate joke for that.

Eda: Yeah, sorry about last week's prank, didn't think it go over as bad as it did.

Lilith: No no, I should have just taken the joke.

Eda has left

Lilith has left

[bnesszai]

skk Valentine's week day 7 @bsdfanweek prompts i used were: "kissing you is like a death wish", pining/longing, at your fingertips, and "you call that flirting?" Thank you @squidsandthings for the prompt ideas 💚

Hurt/comfort. I have 0 explanation for this. The writing mood of me last night is different than me this morning apparently so um. Yeah.

Kissing you is a death wish, Dazai thinks, delirious from the lack of oxygen.

Chuuya's brows furrow and he says something, but it sounds like Dazai is still underwater. He lifts a hand through the currents, heavy and slow, and traces Chuuya's jaw with a fingertip. 

A kiss of death, Dazai thinks, maybe that's why I can't die yet. Because I haven't tasted the poison on your lips. 

Something flashes across Chuuya's face but Dazai is so, so far away. He thinks he grins to himself, but then the world turns upside down so he isn't sure.

Black is such a nice color.

*

Dazai wakes up much the way he lives: gasping as if he can't breathe right.

“Shhh.” 

Something gentle rubs circles into his chest. His chest that is devoid of bandages and only covered by a thin shirt. Something thick crawls up his throat.

“It's just me,” a voice says. Warm fingertips, circles, one blue and one amber eye tracing the lines of his face. 

“Chuuya,” he murmurs.

“Who else?"

Dazai swallows down whatever it is that tries to climb his throat and escape. He bites at the words pressed against the back of his lips and regains control of his treacherous heartbeat.

“Chuuya,” he says again. “Why are you here?”

“This is my apartment.”

Which would explain the soft blankets and comfortable mattress. “Why am I here?”

Concern stitches its way between Chuuya's eyebrows. “What do you remember?”

A crashing of waves above his head, a rush of water in his lungs, the darkness edging into his vision. The sweet release was within reach, just past his fingertips, and then he was wrenched away and forced to breathe.

“A fever dream,” he says.

Chuuya sighs. “Do you remember what you said?”

Dazai is dumbfounded, which is an unusual feeling. He hates it. He could hardly drag oxygen into his lungs, let alone expel enough to say anything. Unless….

Something swarms in Dazai's gut. He can remember incoherent, mad thoughts. If those had not been contained to his mind, then— 

“What are you talking about?” Dazai pushes a laugh from his lungs. It burns. “Chibi must need his ears checked because I didn't say anything.”

Chuuya studies him for a moment longer. Then, he leans back and withdraws his hand. “I see,” is all he says, flat and not full of the bursting energy he always exhibits.

Dazai feels very cold.

*

The idea of longing is something that sits heavy on Dazai's chest.

The weight grows when he looks at Atsushi and Kyouka making a grocery list, or Kunikida smiling as he writes in his notebook, or when Ranpo delights in a new treat. The weight grows when he thinks about rest.

The weight of longing threatens to crush his lungs when he so much as thinks about gravity.

Dazai throws back warm whiskey in an attempt to drown it away.

*

“Why did you save me?”

“‘Cause, asshole, if you're gonna die, it'll be by my hands.”

“Well, get on with it then.”

In front of them, the television flashes with some generic action movie. Dazai has not paid attention to a single second of it. On the other end of the couch, Chuuya sits, looking oddly tense for someone wearing sweatpants and a shirt that hangs off one shoulder. His hair is pulled into a messy bun, hat hanging by the door, and gloves sitting on the coffee table. He's giving Dazai a look that Dazai can't quite discern.

“What's your preferred method?” Chuuya asks after a long stretch of silence.

Dazai's mouth falls open, just a touch. He recovers quickly. “Double suicide with a beautiful—”

“Stop fucking lying to me.”

Dazai's mouth clicks shut. He tilts his head to the side, seeing something burning in Chuuya's eyes. At the sight, the longing takes his breath away.

“You want to die by poison.”

The air that was sucked out of Dazai's lungs slams back in, resulting in a choked laugh. “Slow and painful,” he gasps between coughs. “I don't like pain.”

“I hear there are some poisons that are quick and soothing.” Chuuya has an eyebrow raised, like a challenge. He moves over on the couch, closer, fingertips just shy of grazing Dazai's thigh. “Would you like to try?”

There's something static in the air. Something in the way Chuuya's gaze burns right through him. Something in the way Chuuya's cheekbones are dusted pink but the smile on his lips is sharp and sure. Something in the way Dazai seems unable to nullify the gravity between them.

Instead of doing any of the things he wants to do, Dazai doesn't so much as move, he just smirks. “You call that flirting?”

“What, like you're any better?” Chuuya laughs and this time, his hand does land on Dazai's lef, caressing his knee. “What was it you said? I'll make you my dog for life, hmm?” Chuuya's other hand reaches up, fingertips ghosting over the lines of Dazai's face.

Dazai might combust, but he refuses to lose. He puts a hand at Chuuya's hairline and lets it fall down his face before tilting Chuuya's chin up with a finger. Leaning in close, he can see the glint in Chuuya's eyes. “It worked, didn't it?”

“Did it? It's been seven years since and you've yet to claim your kiss of death.”

“I'm a patient man.”

Chuuya scoffs. “Bullshit. You have the patience of a fucking toddler. You're just a coward.”

Dazai grips Chuuya's jaw, grinning when it pulls a subtle breath from him. “And what does that make you?”

The fire in Chuuya's eyes spills out, fanning over Dazai's skin, seeping into his veins, pooling in his gut.

“I'm the patient one,” Chuuya says, evenly, and then he closes the distance between them before Dazai can so much as begin a retort.

The kiss is scalding, hungry, wandering and clutching hands, teeth and tongue.

It is a poison. It is a poison that makes Dazai's brain turn to white noise, makes his limbs hot and heavy. It is a death wish in the way that it makes Dazai want to climb inside of Chuuya's mouth and be devoured.

Black is a nice color, but red might be better.

[saiilorstars]

ch.18: Goodbye Rubeus

Story Masterlist

Fandom: Sailor Moon (Crystal)

Rewrite of season 2, AU-ish in that there’s new OCs and the fusion of plots from the manga, crystal and the og series

Pairings: Eventual OFC x OMC, Usagi x Mamoru

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​​​​ @arrthurpendragon​​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​​​​​​​​ @stareyedplanet​​​​​​​​​​​ @foxesandmagic @kmc1989 @caplanbuckybarnes

Also on  on Fanfic ○ Ao3 ○ Wattpad

Asteria and Emica stood in the middle of their school's courtyard gazing up at the sky. Something about it was giving a rather hazy impression, like something was drawing closer...

"Do you feel it in the air?" Asteria quietly asked Emica.

"That odd feeling of...a presence?"

"Mhm," Asteria nodded, then glanced at her comrade. Both of them wore the same look of certainty.

"Sailor Circe is finally going to reawaken," they said in unison and with a touch of excitement. Sailor Circe was their scour leader; she always knew how to solve everything. With her finally awake and leading their group, they would find their princess for sure.

"And how would Sailor Circe greet us when she sees we have failed to work together like we are meant to?" Meroko's question made both girls turn to see the brunette standing behind them.

"She will see who's fault it is," Emica narrowed her eyes on Meroko but the latter returned the gesture.

"Yeah, and I'm looking right at her."

Anger flashed across Emica's face. "Do not forget your place, Hemera."

"Please," Asteria broke between them, actually pleading for a full stop. "If the Princess were here, she would be very disappointed in our behavior."

"That's just it, we don't know where she is," Emica snapped. "It's why I've subjected myself to such a ludicrous school system just to see if Reign is one of these teenagers. Perhaps we would have found her by now if someone" — she paused to glare at Meroko again — "wasn't more preoccupied fighting with the Silver Millenniums."

"I'll have you know that we've already taken down one Shadow from Senka's form," Meroko watched with satisfaction as both Emica and Asteria were left shocked. "Sailor Moon and one of the Black Moon Clan did it. I also discovered that Azula was not Reign. See, I'm being productive."

"When did this happen?" Asteria asked curiously.

"Two days ago. And now we're moving onto finding a different way to take down the next shadow in Senka." Meroko sighed, her entire demeanor changing. She didn't want to fight her comrades, much less her own sister. She would much rather they all work together. "We've already healed the Spectre Sisters from the Black Moon Clan and now we're definitely expecting retaliation from their commander, Rubeus. We're going to need all the help we can get." Emica looked away defiantly. "I wish to change our dynamic. I don't want us to deem ranks more important than our friendship. Emica, change is not bad. The circumstances that led us here were not good but we can still change its outcome. Please, think about that."

Asteria watched her sister leave and felt guilty. They never argued about anything. "Maybe she's right—"

"Oh don't," Emica shot her down with a wave of a hand. "Your sister's head has been brainwashed by those Silver Millenniums. She forgets who she is and where her place is."

Asteria glared. "She's not just some rank! She's one of us! Don't forget why Queen Nyx decided to put her in charge of protecting the barrier." With that, Asteria huffed and walked away. She was growing rather tired of Emica's stubborn ways.

~0~

Chibiusa found it difficult to stay so...calm...when she was just itching to get what she needed in order to go home. She discovered where Usagi kept her Legendary Silver Crystal after so long and now it was just at Chibiusa's fingertips...so close...

But she just needed to wait.

Admittedly she was never good at patience, but she needed to force herself to remember this was all for her family.

She poked her head into Usagi's bedroom and looked around to see if Luna was anywhere near. Usagi was taking a bath and Chibiusa doubted she would be out anytime soon. Quietly, she tiptoed into the room and scanned the area until she spotted the familiar brooch sitting on the bed stand.

"I'm just going to borrow it," she said, though the last time she said that it didn't go so well. "It's going to be different," she mumbled and picked up the brooch. Her Mommy would return it to this point in time after Crystal Tokyo was saved, Chibiusa was sure.

She then bolted out of the room, and out of the house.

~0~

Azula was tired of hearing the same scoldings over and over, but because she loved her friends so much she let them continue until they had nothing left to say about her secret plan with Meroko.

"You could have been killed!"

"It was truly irresponsible!"

"I was scared half to death!"

Azula shared the same bored glance with Meroko. The redhead ran a hand through her long hair and gestured with a hand to her friends if they were finished.

"You're not even sorry," Minako shook her head, completely disapproving of the secret plan.

"Of course not," Azula almost laughed. "At least now Senka will leave me the hell alone. You guys were just too soft to let me go through with it."

"It's one of the reasons why Emica and Asteria have doubts about working with you," Meroko added and immediately received hard glares.

"We're just not on the same page as you and we told you guys..." Makoto said sternly.

"But here's the thing," Azula raised a finger to remind them that this had been her decision and no one else's, "I made the call — my plan — and Meroko was nice enough to help me. You guys want to be mad at someone, be mad at me."

"We don't want to be mad at anyone," Ami sent the two girls soft smiles. She understood Azula's intentions and although she didn't like it, at least Azula was safe. "We just don't want you to try that again."

"I won't," Azula easily promised.

"Okay and since we're moving on, I wanted to tell you guys that I'm pretty sure Sailor Circe is waking up." Meroko hoped this piece of news would get them back on track to what really mattered. She herself was getting over the fact they had to start all over again with the Reign search.

"Really? How can you tell?" Minako asked.

"It's the odd sense in the air," Rei was the one to answer the question, bewildering the rest. Meroko nodded and gestured at Rei with gratitude. "I don't know how but...I think I can sense her. She's like...an ominous feeling, like..."

"Sailor Circe possesses different powers from a typical Sailor Scout. Magic runs through her veins and with it she has different senses that we," Meroko pointed between her and the Scouts, "wouldn't have."

"We're dealing with a witch then...nice," Azula shook her head at the computers.

"She's not a witch," Meroko rolled her eyes. "She's...mystical. But the important thing is the last of the Shadow Scouts is waking up and Circe is the most powerful out of all of us. She'll be able to put some order in our team..." she sighed, "She was always a good leader."

"Well then I guess we better start getting more sedatives," Minako figured they would need a large quantity just like last time considering each Shadow Scout tended to wake up like in a psychotic episode.

Meroko deadpanned the blonde girl for a long moment. "I'll have you know that I don't think Sailor Circe will awaken the same way that the others did."

"Why do you say that?" Ami inquired.

"Because Sailor Circe is protected by the same magic that I believe put Asteria and Emica into their deep sleep."

"I still say we should be prepared," Rei shrugged. You can never be too careful."

"Hm, that's funny," Azula's voice drew them to the girl at the computers.

"I doubt it will be." Meroko was the first to go up to her. "Is it Circe?"

"Um...no, I don't think so..." Azula zoomed in on the park's public cameras and located the source of a blinding light. "Whatever that is, it's releasing a ton of energy."

"The Black Moon Clan," Makoto assumed but still Azula shook her head.

"It doesn't look like the type of power they've been using on us."

"Whatever it is, we should check it out," Minako told them and took out her transformation stick.

"I'll call Usagi," Azula said and so they each split to do their tasks.

~0~

Chibiusa had never cried harder. She was sure she was saying the right words, holding her time key the right way...but she just couldn't get home. Did that mean there was no home to get to anymore? Had the Black Moon Clan destroyed everything? The idea made her cry even harder.

"Well, Rabbit, it seems you have saved me the trouble of searching for you," Rubeus appeared in midair, startling Chibiusa into silence. "Give me the Crystal!"

Chibiusa held the Silver Crystal close to her and shook her head. "It's not for you!"

Rubeus laughed. "But I think it is!" He thrust his hand and released the familiar dark power of the Malefic Crystal.

Chibiusa squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the energy to hit her...but it never did.

"How dare you try and hurt an innocent child!?" Sailor Asteria stood in front of Chibiusa. The ghosts of silver stars were spread around them like a barrier.

Rubeus came face to face with the unknown Sailor Scout. "You have no business here."

"That's rich coming from a time traveler," Sailor Asteria shook her head. "You've met my sister, Sailor Hemera, now meet me — Sailor Asteria, guardian of Night and Stars, and I will make you regret ever stepping foot into this era!"

"Sailor...Asteria..." There was no sign that Chibiusa didn't recognize the girl. It'd been the same as when she met the other Sailor Scouts.

"Run to safety, okay?" Sailor Asteria swiped an arm to the left and removed the two silver stars barricading behind Chibiusa. The pink-haired girl hesitated for a second but ultimately followed the order.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up," Rubeus surprised Sailor Asteria with. He too didn't seem to be in the dark about her. "What is it? The Shadow Scouts?"

"Hm, so there's a future where we also kick your ass? Doesn't sound like a bad future to me," Sailor Asteria smirked, even more so when Rubeus struck a growl.

He started firing repeatedly, possibly with one second gap between shots. Asteria jumped out of the way but was having a hard time keeping up. One of the energy blasts finally hit her and knocked her across the park. Her back hit one of the bench's metal legs.

"Your elder self would be so disappointed," Rubeus moved towards her in the air. "Then again, she doesn't have much to argue with. Last I heard she was fast asleep, poor little thing."

Sailor Asteria wasn't interested in hearing about her future, but the words did make her halt for a second. Asleep? She wouldn't just be 'asleep' and leave Reign defenceless. It had to be because of the Black Moon Clan.

"I guess if I destroy you right now, it's one less Sailor Scout to worry about in the future!" Rubeus raised his hands to shoot again, but a shrieking sonic cry blew him away like a ragdoll.

"I don't know who you think you are but I'll tell you who I am," Sailor Siren's voice rang clear in the sky. "The Sailor Scout of music and hypnosis - I am Sailor Siren!"

"Siren!" Sailor Asteria got up using the bench as support.

"You shouldn't have left like that!" Sailor Siren shot her comrade a sharp look.

One moment they were discussing possible strategies to find Reign and the next, Asteria blindly ran towards the golden light. Still, Sailor Siren wouldn't leave her alone. It was just them after all.

"Feel the rhythm of my lovely cry!" Sailor Siren sucked in a breath and used her deadly sonic cry on Rubeus.

The man grabbed his head and tried to cover away all the noise but it just wasn't possible. So he took another alternative. Snapping his fingers, his ship appeared over them, cutting short Sailor Siren's cry as a beam raced down on her.

"Siren!" Sailor Asteria got up and made a move towards her when the same beam caught her.

Rubeus laughed and slowly got back on his feet. With another snap of his fingers the two Scouts were pulled into the ship.

"No! No! No! NO!" Sailor Hemera came screaming into the park with the other Sailor Scouts except for Sailor Moon.

"Let them go, Rubeus!" Sailor Mars commanded.

"I've got a better idea," Rubeus rose into the air, feigning a thinking face. "How's about I take these two Shadow Scouts, not kill them, and wait until you exchange the rabbit and the Silver Crystal for them?" he loved seeing the terribly shocked Scouts. It meant he had the upper hand. Finally. "You've got three hours. Be sure to pass the message to Sailor Moon, won't you?"

And he disappeared.

~0~

"What were you doing with my brooch!?" Usagi snatched her brooch from Chibiusa's hands, ignoring the flinch the child gave.

She was furious. Not only had Chibiusa stolen from her but she'd also invoked a possible death massacre beginning with Sailor Asteria and Sailor Siren.

"Usagi..." It was Azula who managed to pull the blonde girl back. "Chill." The calm advisory only seemed to irritate Usagi more. "She's just a kid in the end. She doesn't know any better."

"Oh, that's rich! You weren't that calm when Reyna was here!" Usagi exclaimed.

Azula shrugged. "Yeah, alright..."

Usagi whirled around to face Chibiusa again, the quiet girl shrunk in her chair after so much yelling. "Which is yet another thing we don't know because you won't say! What happened to Reyna!? Are you sisters!?"

"Shouting isn't going to make her talk," Mamoru stopped her again. "We've seen that, remember?"

"It's not fair," Usagi crossed her arms and glared at the girl. "You come in, hypnotize my whole family, drive me nuts all day, keep secrets from us, steal my brooch and at the end of the day I'm the bad guy for snapping!?" she shook her head and stormed out of the base.

"She...needs to cool down before any plan can be made," Makoto sighed.

"I'll go talk to her," Mamoru gave Azula a nod to Chibiusa. She was in charge of the girl.

Azula moved over to the computers and started hacking into the street cameras. "Okay, well, we know where the spaceship is. That's an easy one."

Because Rubeus wasn't even attempting to hide himself. He parked his great big UFO ship directly above the district.

Ami joined Azula at the computers. She zoomed in on the ship and discovered readings of a protective barrier around the ship. "First thing's first, we'll need to break through the barrier."

"And how do we do that?" Minako got to thinking for a second.

"May I suggest combining your powers together and pushing through?" Azula raised a finger.

Rei chuckled and slowly pushed Azula's finger down. "You can...but it's easier to say that when you're not the one who's going to have to do it."

Azula cheekily smiled. "Yes, my bad. But it's still all we've got."

"It's not all," Chibiusa's voice was a frail whisper, but still the other girls knew she meant Rubeus' ultimatum.

Azula turned her chair around to the others girls. "I think...you should tell Usagi about the idea. I'll stay here..." her eyes drifted to Chibiusa who found the ground so interesting. "Good luck."

When they were gone, Azula cleared her throat and got up from her chair. She walked around to face Chibiusa's chair and sat on the ground, cross legged. With a straight face, she began to speak. "I discovered Sailor Moon's and the other scouts' identities after blackmailing Mamoru into arranging a meeting with them. I don't actually know what I'm doing half the time around here; I wish I had powers like my friends; I think Usagi's cooking is, for the most part, inedible but I don't say anything to spare her feelings. What else, what else?" she tapped her chin in genuine thought. "Oh! I actually had a crush on Mamoru in the beginning of the school year but once you see him try to play basketball, the magic just kinda goes away."

Chibiusa blinked several times with no idea what Azula had just done. Azula, on the other hand, merely smiled at the girl. "Why did you...why did you tell me all that?" Chibiusa asked.

"Those are things you don't know about me. But now you do. And...if it's possible, I'd like to know you too."

Chibiusa held her Luna P ball closely to her chest. "I can't...I don't... I'm sorry. I didn't mean for Rubeus to take Sailor Asteria and Sailor Siren. I just wanted to get home."

"With Usagi's Silver Crystal?"

"I was just borrowing it!" Chibiusa exclaimed. "I knew that once my Mommy woke up she would return the Silver Crystal to Usagi."

"So you wanted to use the Silver Crystal to help your mother. See, if you would have said something like that in the beginning, I know Usagi would have helped you."

Chibiusa hid behind her Luna P ball. "She's always shouting at me. She wouldn't have understood."

"But you need her to help. You came looking for Sailor Moon the same way Reyna came looking for Sailor Reign,"

Azula noticed something flash across Chibiusa's. She then quickly ducked her head. Azula waited for the girl to say something, or even to look at her again, but Chibiusa never did.

"That look...if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were guilty...but not for stealing the Silver Crystal tonight," Azula remarked cautiously, "Chibiusa, I keep asking you this and I sincerely hope that this time you answer me. Did something happen to Reyna?"

"I didn't mean to! I didn't mean for any of this to happen!" Chibiusa broke down in tears. "The Black Moon Clan came and destroyed the city before Queen Reign put up the barrier! Everyone in the city is asleep, or...or dead, I don't know! I don't know what happened to Reyna, I swear!" She jumped off her chair and threw her arms around Azula.

Azula wasn't sure how to respond to all that, but for the time being she supposed a hug would help Chibiusa calm down. It was clear that the little girl was in the middle of trouble way beyond her wits and years...and unfortunately the adults around her hadn't been able to beat the Black Moon Clan. She wondered who was left actually breathing in that city.

~0~

Even though it was a trap, the Sailor Scouts took Rubeus head on. It was the only plan they had and they didn't exactly have the time to think about anything else.

Luna and Artemis had taken control of the computers with Azula assisting in what she could. The girls were trying to break into the ship's barrier.

"Maybe we can use the Malefic Crystal against the barrier," Azula pulled out the pair of dark Crystal earrings Berthier had once worn. "You know, use it against itself?"

"But that would require us to calculate its energy levels and things have to be exact before we try anything," Artemis shook his head. "We don't have time for that."

Azula regretfully agreed and put away the earrings. Chibiusa came up behind the three and sighed. "It's my fault," she kept insisting. "I made a mistake and now two friends are hurt."

"Okay kid," Azula glanced over her shoulder, "the thing about mistakes is that it doesn't matter what we did, it's how we own up to them and fix them. You've already done your part so let us try to fix things." She gave an encouraging smile and returned to work.

Chibiusa was determined to fix things herself. If Azula was right, then she not only had to admit her mistake but she had to at least try and help. That's what her family did. Help people. It's what she would do now.

She silently tiptoed out of the base with her Luna P ball in hand until she disappeared.

~0~

"Nothing works!" Sailor Jupiter cried in exasperation after watching how Sailor Mars' fire didn't even scratch the protective barrier around the spaceship.

"Something has to work!" Sailor Hemera was the most frantic about their continuous failure.

"Maybe the combined powers idea isn't as far out as we thought" Sailor Venus remarked and turned to Sailor Moon to see what she said.

"Let's do it," Sailor Moon nodded. It was their best shot at getting into the barrier.

"But will it work including me?" Sailor Hemera wondered.

"The more power the better," Sailor Moon encouraged her to join them. At the end of the day, all Sailor Scouts were connected in some way, or at least that's the stuff that Luna and Artemis always rambled on about.

"And me!" Chibiusa's voice made all the girls freeze in their spots.

Even from the base, Azula, Luna and Artemis gawked at the sight of the little girl very present on the street.

"CHIBIUSA!" Azula shouted much like Usagi would in similar situations. When the hell had Chibusa left the base!?

"What is it?" Mamoru had come to join them in the base, totally in the dark about everything.

Azula pinched the bridge of her nose to keep all her snaps at bay. She pointed a manicured finger at the screen showing Chibiusa with the Sailor Scouts. In less than a second, Mamoru was out of the base again and running to retrieve the girl.

"Now I get Usagi's frustration," Azula rubbed her face then helplessly stared at the screens along with Luna and Artemis.

There was nothing anyone could do at this point.

~0~

"What are you doing here!?" Sailor Moon did not fail to make a scene out of the child's abrupt presence.

Chibiusa stood with her head held up high as she faced all the mortified Scouts. "I made a mistake and I have to own up to it and try to fix it."

"Oh, she listens to me now," the Scouts heard Azula bitterly say from the comms.

"Chibiusa, it's too dangerous for you to be here," Sailor Venus tried a much softer attempt than the previous time. It might be what they needed to push Chibiusa out of the place.

"I know Sailor Asteria and Sailor Siren in the future. They're assigned to protect Reyna but I know they love me too," Chibiusa ignored the shocked faces of the girls, knowing she was essentially telling them of the future. "They always let me help and they play games with me and Reyna. Right now, they're asleep in my city, because of the Black Moon Clan, but I can help them from here. I'm going to."

Her determination sparked awe from the Scouts. She seemed like a little scout herself. There was no backing down even when she was at a clear disadvantage.

"Well, well, well," Rubeus appeared in the air, protected by his barrier, "You've brought me Sailor Moon and the rabbit. Well done."

Sailor Moon immediately placed herself in front of Chibiusa. "You are not going to get away with this! Give us Sailor Asteria and Sailor Siren!"

"You know, I keep having better ideas than you girls," Rubeus snapped his fingers. Different purple beams shot down and started capturing some of the girls.

"No!" Sailor Moon cried out when Sailor Mercury and Sailor Venus got caught in the web of beams.

"Ah, who am I to break up the Sailor Scouts?" Rubeus began to laugh again as this time an entire beam scooped up the rest of the Scouts...and Chibiusa. "You're all invited to the party!"

The last beam attempted to catch Sailor Hemera but the girl put up a fight with a strange golden light. It was a light unlike the other Scouts, a familiar light that planet Earth had...

"Is she...?" Azula had to cover her eyes even from the computer screen.

"Channeling her power from the sun? Yes, she is," Luna quickly mapped out the energy levels Sailor Hemera was giving. It seemed to push back the Malefic energy but there was no assurance of how long Hemera would last.

"And look what's happening in the sky..." Artemis was gazing at another source of energy, a different one from Hemera's.

It was a dark pink beam seemingly exploding into the sky, causing a ripple effect.

"Could that be...Sailor Circe?" Azula quickly moved her chair closer to Artemis.

"Sailor Hemera's energy must be acting like a beacon for Sailor Circe!"

"She did say Sailor Circe might not awaken the same way that Asteria and Emica did," Azula remembered Meroko's words. She gazed back at the other screen showing them Hemera's ongoing battle with Rubeus' trapping beam. "We're mapping out her power levels right? Down to the bone?"

"You bet," Luna nodded, still doing that as she spoke. "Research of the Shadow race is of top priority."

"Good, because I don't think Hemera is going to last very long..." Azula sadly watched as the Malefic beam pulled out a second round of power that easily engulfed Hemera's body.

Sailor Hemera was the last Scout to be captured. Rubeus took home a mighty quantity of Sailor Scouts featuring a little girl of tremendous power.

~ 0 ~

Hours later...

"And you're sure this is the place?" Mamoru didn't attempt to hide his lack of patience and frustration from Azula nor the cats behind them.

He was gazing at some creepy, dirty alleyway where apparently Sailor Circe's power had been tracked to just before the girls were taken. To him, it looked like any ordinary alleyway. Putrid smell and nothing useful.

"We tracked the origin point of the energy Circe dispelled earlier," Azula explained, holding out a handheld device currently beeping the closer they got to the right spot. "This is where it led to."

"Azula, it's an alleyway." Mamoru was unusually harsh with his tone but Azula paid no attention to it.

"Well obviously I can see that," she remarked casually, totally unphased by his demeanor. He, in turn, was unphased by her sardonic tone. "But this is where the signal is leading us to, so deal with it. Finding Sailor Circe is the only card we have to get the others back unless you can somehow beam us up into that spaceship?"

Mamoru rolled his eyes at her. "Fine, but what do we do then? Follow that thing until it leads us to a literal wall?"

Azula came to a sudden stop and he bumped into her back. Again, she wasn't phased. "No, the first part of the plan was getting to the source of her powers. Now we're onto phase 2."

"Phase two?" repeated Mamoru, unimpressed.

Azula looked down at Luna and Artemis. They'd come up with a plan alright.

"We think you could find Sailor Circe's location through your abilities," Luna spoke up. She headed up to a spot on the ground where there was an oddly formed crack. "We believe this is where the energy Sailor Circe dispersed came from."

"Underground?" Mamoru gazed at the ground with some horror.

"It's reasonable to think that these girls were covered up as the centuries went on," Artemis joined Luna over the crack. "Eons ago, this place could have been the Shadow Kingdom's garden or palace or something along those lines."

"Yeah, things get buried," Azula shrugged. "History 101."

"Alright, fine," Mamoru walked up to the two cats and bent down. At this point he would try anything if it meant bringing Usagi and the others back. He placed a hand on the ground and focused on finding the missing Scout.

He saw a few visions in which a black haired girl was aimlessly walking the streets. Her eyes seemed permanently wide as she took in everything she passed by, including the people.

Above her, the scenery panned to a large building with a blinking sign advertising free gym membership for a month.

Mamoru raised his hand off the ground and straightened up, turning to meet Azula's anxious self. "She's walking by the Kalo Gym."

"But that's like...two blocks away from here," Azula threw a thumb over her shoulder, soon realizing just how close they were to their solution. With one look at each other, she and Mamoru bolted from the alleyway, leaving Luna and Artemis to dash after them.

~0~

When Sailor Moon awoke, she found herself in a room seemingly made out to be from dark glass. Strangely enough, the glass held no reflections.

"Sailor Moon!" Chibiusa crawled over to her. Her Luna P ball bounced behind her. "Everyone's gone!"

"What?" Sailor Moon shook her grogginess and examined the room they were in. It was true. They were the only ones there. "Where is everyone?" She got up on her feet and turned around twice to catch sight of anyone else.

"Hidden amongst my glass labyrinth, of course," Rubeus appeared in the air again. The malicious look on his face gave Sailor Moon shivers. "They can be returned if you give up the rabbit and your Silver Crystal the easy way."

Sailor Moon didn't believe him one bit. "You're not going to get anything."

Rubeus raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to wager then? One final game?" Sailor Moon's eyebrows knitted together in suspicion. Rubeus lowered himself to the floor and snapped his fingers to reveal the Sailor Scouts hung up on glass crosses.

"No!" Sailor Moon tried running to them but Rubeus snapped his fingers again and made the girls disappear. "Where are they? Tell me now!"

"They're on the ship, obviously. My wager is simple, really. An old-fashioned one-on-one fight between you and me."

Sailor Moon hesitated to believe it would be that simple. "Why?"

"Why?" Rubeus laughed shortly before glaring at her. "Because you turned my loyal followers into weakling humans. You've foiled all my plans and now I'm on the verge of death. If I bring your corpse and the rabbit I'm sure to be forgiven."

"You don't have to do this—"

"Spare me the lecture. I'm not the Spectre sisters. So, what do you say? One last fight?"

Sailor Moon bit her lip nervously. She glanced back at Chibiusa who was fearfully staring at Rubeus. There weren't many options...

Rubeus snapped his fingers and each of the unconscious Sailor Scouts re-appeared behind him, bound to the glass crosses.

~0~

"How are we ever going to find her around here?" Azula helplessly stared at the dozens of people walking down the streets. Luna and Artemis popped their heads from her bag to see what they were dealing with.

Mamoru was just a little up ahead, very focused on their search. His eyes bounced from one black-haired woman to the next. Azula nearly crashed into two people trying to catch up with him, and she was sure the cats were being jostled in her bag too.

"What does she look like at least?" Azula asked more questions that went unanswered. She sighed and broke into a sprint when Mamoru took a sudden turn down the block.

Suddenly, he broke into a full on run.

"WAIT!" Azula cried and tried her best to run after him despite getting scolded by people she was crashing into.

Mamoru had spotted a tall, black-haired girl who seemed to be watching every single thing around her with her head whipping in all the directions. It had to be Sailor Circe in a civilian form. All of a sudden she'd started to run and so Mamoru needed to follow her in order to get her.

He finally cornered her into an alleyway...or so he thought.

"You're following me," her raspy voice stated once the two were still. She turned around then, revealing some pale skin but shining black eyes. There was something twitchy about her, her fingers kept fiddling with each other. "Why?"

"I-I need your help, we need your help," Mamoru motioned he was coming in peace, raising his hands in the air. She tilted her head but even that was in pauses. Her eyes were blinking unusually fast too. "Are you alright?"

"How do you know about me?" she asked without any subtlety about her true form. It was as if...

"You know that I know about you?"

"You wouldn't follow a random person just because. You know me, you want something. I can feel it."

"Okay, fine," Mamoru thought this might be a little easier then if they could skip the whole introductions about secret identities. "I'm Endymion reincarnated—" her eyes stopped blinking for only a second in response, "—and your comrades and my friends need your help."

"Sailor Hemera," she blurted like it'd been a secret she'd been holding for ages. She flexed her hands repeatedly with no known desired action. "I felt her rage. I felt her power. It's what drove me to awaken."

"She's been taken by a powerful dark person and if you don't help them, they're going to get killed."

"There you are!" Azula came running in and stopped just beside Mamoru. Hands on her knees, she tried to catch her breath. Luna and Artemis jumped out of her bag, one over the other.

"Silver Milleniums," Circe gazed at the cats with wonder. "You've been reincarnated like Queen Nyx said you would be."

"It's her, then?" Azula pointed at the girl and took in a deep breath to finally get herself back in order.

"We need your help," Mamoru repeated to Circe. "We need to get on a spaceship that's protected by a barrier and God knows what else."

"I can't!" Circe exclaimed and bit her nails. "I-I have this power and I...it wants to explode! I can't..."

"Um, just to clarify," Azula raised a finger in the air, "you're holding the same excess powers that the previous Shadow Scouts have had?"

"Of course I would have. It was I who cast the sleeping spell."

Both Mamoru and Azula blinked at the revelation.

"You put Asteria and Siren to sleep?" asked Azula after a moment of silence.

"Queen Nyx ordered me to," Circe swallowed and balled her fists. "The energy inside me is bubbling...it needs to be released..."

"Release it then," Mamoru said, eyes raising to the sky. "But let's do it in a special spot..."

Circe followed his gaze to the sky and swallowed hard.

~ 0 ~

Sailor Moon cried out in pain when another of Rubeus' dark attacks blasted her against a wall. She summoned up her Moon Rod, even though her body ached terribly. "Moon...Princess...Halation!"

The golden wasps of energy were deflected with a swing of Rubeus' arm. He snapped his fingers and shut down the gravity in the room. Sailor Moon was pushed hard against the ground like something was weighing over her.

Chibiusa had plastered herself against a different wall. Her eyes fearfully flickered from Sailor Moon to Rubeus. The odds were not getting better. Rubeus shifted the gravity again so that Sailor Moon flew up to the ceiling. The blonde struggled to get her landing and glared at the laughing Rubeus. It was then that Chibiusa noticed the glowing Malefic Crystal at the other end of the room.

I wonder...She thought about an idea, a crazy idea...

But those happened all the time. Sometimes, they were crazy enough to work.

She started tiptoeing towards the Malefic Crystal...

"We're leaving Earth's orbit," Rubeus informed Sailor Moon in passing.

Sailor Moon reached out to the ceiling and used it to crawl like a spider would towards the nearest window. She gasped when she saw the deep darkness of space surrounding them. "Oh no..."

"Looks like you won't be escaping at all," Rubeus smirked. "I don't know how...but we will stop you!" Sailor Moon aimed her moon rod at him again, ready to try the attack with all its force.

Rubeus wouldn't take the chance. He killed the gravity and watched her crash face first onto the ground.

She was sure she'd just broken her nose right there. "Ow..." she gingerly touched her nose.

Chibiusa reached the glowing Malefic Crystal and took in a deep breath before wrapping her arms around it. The moment she came in contact with it, she felt the incredible pain shoot through. Her scream caused a momentary energy to flash on her forehead, but it only made Rubeus laugh.

"Well, at least now I'm certain you're the Rabbit." He thrust a hand forwards and slammed Sailor Moon into the wall again. "But let me just take care of this one first."

Sailor Moon readied herself to intake the attack but it would be damned if she would make it easy. Her Moon Rod met his dark energy and the two streams battled for dominance.

Chibiusa continued her own battle against the Malefic Crystal. The thing was just too heavy for her. And it hurt a lot. Her fingers were getting too numb from the pain. Were they beginning to slip? Oh no...she had to hold on...just a bit longer...

"Together now, Chibiusa!"

"Mamoru?" Chibiusa blinked at Tuxedo Mask beside her. He wrapped his arms around the crystal, along with hers, and started pulling the Crystal out.

Sailor Circe made her own presence known with an attack. "Magic sparkle venom!"

Rubeus didn't account for an attack from the side. His body rolled to a stop on the ground. "Who was that!?"

"A transcendental Guardian, I am the Guardian of Magic and Illusions - Sailor Circe!" The dark-haired girl had commanded authority despite her current frail-looking condition. Both Rubeus and Sailor Moon stared at her in awe. Sailor Circe twirled her staff and aimed its threatening sharp point at Rubeus. "You will pay for imprisoning my comrades and these Silver Milleniums! Feel the wrath of a Shadow Scout!" She let the bubbling energy inside her finally reach its climax and burst out of her like a crashing wave.

Rubeus was prepared to protect himself with his powers, but at that moment Chibiusa and Tuxedo Mask had successfully pulled out the Malefic Crystal and cut his source of power. "NOOOO!" he screamed at them but was soon engulfed in Sailor Circe's power.

Sailor Moon crawled towards her friends and ignored her injuries as best as she could. She didn't understand how Sailor Circe was found so quickly, nor how she and Tuxedo Mask had gotten on board but she was thankful they had.

Sailor Circe's power slowly died down, but the chaos it ensued afterwards was drastic. The ship rocked dangerously and sparks exploded from every corner. The responsible Scout fell to the floor, barely conscious.

"Circe!" Sailor Hemera cried first when she came to. She wobbled on her feet but she made it to her comrade.

"What's happening!?" Chibiusa fell into Tuxedo Mask's arms from the rockus of the ship. They pulled the Malefic Crystal out of its place, shouldn't that mean good things should be happening?

"You fools!" Rubeus laid crumpled on the floor, one hand over his abdomen. "The Malefic Crystal you pulled out controlled the ship! Thanks to your little witch friend over there, it went into overdrive. The ship's about to explode! And you're all going to die with me!"

"Can't Sailor Circe just teleport again?" Sailor Hemera shook her friend in question a bit.

Sailor Siren and Sailor Asteria rushed over to check on the eldest scout.

"She's too weak," Sailor Siren shook her head. "She used up all her excess energy anyways."

"Okay, but we can still do the Sailor Teleport," Sailor Venus pushed herself up on her feet.

"But Sailor Moon is still weak too," Sailor Mars reminded.

Sailor Moon shook her head. "I can do it," she assured. She stood tall and proud. "Let's hurry!"

The Sailor Scouts gathered in a circle with Chibiusa and Tuxedo Mask (holding Sailor Circe's unconscious form) in the middle.

Just minutes before the ship exploded with Rubeus, they teleported out.

~ 0 ~

It was dawn when the group re-appeared in the familiar streets of the Juuban district. Azula had waited for hours with Luna and Artemis, despite it being cold and dark out. None of them could bear to leave not knowing what became of their friends. She knew her sister would be furious for never coming home but when Azula saw her friends returning...it was well worth it.

"You're back!" she exclaimed and dashed forwards to give everyone hugs. She only stopped when she reached Sailor Siren and instead gave a little smile.

"And you're all okay!" Luna went scampering behind to see the group.

Artemis went directly into Venus' arms. "We were really worried!"

"What happened?" Azula stepped back to see what news she would get.

Chibiusa was the first to answer as she came practically bouncing to Azula. "I owned up to my mistake and I tried to fix it!"

Azula's smile was wide and fake. "And next time don't go putting yourself in danger just to prove my point!" Chibiusa still laughed. "Come here!" Azula pulled her into another hug. "I'm so glad you're all okay."

"Not all of us," Sailor Siren bitterly gazed upon her unconscious Leader. "She expelled too much energy..."

"She just needs to rest," Sailor Mercury reassured her. "We've seen it happen to you and Sailor Asteria."

"She took down Rubeus all on her own," Chibiusa told Azula in a rapid explanation. "She's just as powerful as she was in my home."

"We should get her to rest," Sailor Hemera said. "We'll take her back to our place where we can look after her."

Sailor Asteria cleared her throat suddenly and nervously looked at Sailor Moon. "Thank you...for coming to help us."

Sailor Moon was surprised by the sentiment but nonetheless smiled. "You're welcome."

Sailor Asteria then sent Sailor Siren a sharp glance, nodding to her to do the same. Sailor Siren rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Yeah, thanks," she took Sailor Circe from Tuxedo Mask and started on the way home.

"Really," Sailor Asteria smiled at the group, for the first time genuine, "thank you. We didn't deserve it and yet you still came. Maybe...my sister has better judgement than I have had."

Sailor Hemera smiled at her sister. "We'll see you guys later," she told the group and rushed off with Sailor Asteria.

"So...what exactly happened on that ship?" Azula asked the remainder after the girls were gone.

"Let's just say, Rubeus won't be coming back," Sailor Jupiter made a cutting motion across her neck.

Azula's eyes widened for a second before the shock wore off and was replaced with concern. "That leaves the question, doesn't it?" her friends hadn't understood what she meant right away and she really hated to be the one to take their momentary win away. "If Rubeus is gone, then...who's coming for us next?"

[a-drama-addict]

dont know if my ask got eaten again but JUST IN CASE i will resend it. If it didnt and you were just keeping it for a later moment instead imagine me posing a little fruitily in your inbox and leaving or something. Emira for the worldstate ask game with 2, 5, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 21, 25, 26!!!!

it didn't get eaten! But i will answer this one. YEAH EMIRA TIME!!!!!! [ask game]

2. are they skilled in The Grand Game?

NOPE! this girl has 0 political skill, it's a wonder she had allies at all during the Blight. She is a good smooth talker but GODS THE GAME WOULD KILL HER!!!

5. attitude towards the Chantry?

Positive-ish. She respects the chantry, she was raised Andrastian and has spent time reading every book on the subject. She's more critical of the chantry at time, but overall thinks it can serve a good purpose.

7. if they had to choose one person most important to them, who would that be?

Oh Leliana for sure. Emira 'Not to be a lesbian but oh my god' Tabris loves her wife to death. They are extremely fucking insufferable and i love them. Leli and Em have a really really strong bond, neither of them do relationships casually. And while Emira definitely has friends that mean a shit ton to her as well, no one really tops Leliana. (Leliana tops Emira if anything-- [gets shot])

8. who do they hate the most, and do they have an arch-nemesis?

Loghain was definitely her arch-nemesis, but the person she hates the most even far long after the fact is Vaughan. Don't think that needs an explanation. She'd kill him ten times over if she could.

9. what is their love language? 

Hmmm she is a sucker for physical touch. Casually leaning on someone, hugs, kisses, sex, she's pretty big on it. She likes being physically close to those she loves.

12. attitude towards Mabari?

BEST DOG BREED EVER FERELDEN FOREVER RAHHHH

13. their thoughts on the Grey Warden order?

Meh. It's fine, she doesn't like being a Warden, but she does feel good about what she's doing. She thinks it's a good order, just wishes she didn't have to be part of it.

14. who are they closest to from their family?

Shianni!!!!! The cousin ever!! they've been close since they were kids, and even get matching tattoos when older. they're very close. And they definitely are one of each other's best friends.

15. preferred weapon of choice?

DAGGERS!! SWISH SWISH KACHOW

17. what were they like as a child?

Pretty calm and well-behaved generally, but she definitely had a snark. She also really liked scrapping, she used to wrestle with Adaia a whole lot, and she definitely enjoyed being active. Active and calm kid generally

19. are they afraid of death?

No, but she is afraid of how she'd die. The calling terrifies her, the act of dying in battle terrifies her. Dying scares her, death itself doesn't.

21. what is their biggest regret?

Hm. Probably not being able to live the life she wanted to live. Part of her regrets the mere fact that she had to become a Warden, even if it ended up being a choice that led to meeting the best people she knows. She can't shake the feeling of wrongness from it at times.

25. what did they plan for their life to look like before the events of the game happened?

Emira thought she'd get married off to Nelaros, maybe have a child or two. (She's a lesbian but.. well she can do that if she must.) She'd probably just stay in the alienage with her family, raise a couple of kids, and just... live a pretty mundane life. She would've loved to get a dog though.

26. do they get a happy ending?

MAYBE. If she's found a cure to the calling, then yes. She'd live in lesbian heaven with her pope wife. Otherwise she's definitely dead in like DA:TV. OOPSIES

[hinatastinygiant]

1 | Army

Pairing: Tokyo Revengers x Fem!Reader

Wasteland Masterlist

Day 0

Just after sliding your feet into your sneakers, you stand up and kiss the photo of your parents by the front door goodbye. "I'll see you guys when I get back," you smile. "I'll tell Takemichi and Hinata you said hi."

You place the photo back down with the rest of the little shrine dedicated to your late parents. Today's finally the day you've been looking forward to for the past two weeks- Grow Tokyo, the weekend-long festival that has just started about one hour ago.

"Shit, I'm late," you whisper to yourself as you grab your keys and run out your front door.

After closing the door behind you, you walk quickly to your car and put it in reverse to pull out of your driveway. For some reason, you find yourself pausing just as you're about to put the car in drive. You look back toward the front door and something inside of you tells you to go back home. But no, you've been so excited to go to this festival, you'll be fine. You'll be with your two closest friends.

When you get to the festival, you meet your friends by the entrance.

"Y/N!" Hinata waves when she spots you. "You're here!"

"And you're late," Takemichi reminds you. "It started well over an hour ago, ya know."

"Okay, so then why didn't you go inside?" you chuckle. "I could've walked around 'til I found you."

"Because I insisted on waiting for you," Hinata smiles softly as she pulls back from your hug. "I mean, you came here alone. I was worried for you."

"I told you that Y/N would be fine. She's tough for a girl," he shrugs casually.

"Oh really? And what exactly is that supposed to mean Hanagaki?" you look at him with narrowed eyes.

"I, uh... that you can handle yourself. You don't need us to watch over you all the time," he replies nervously.

"I'm pretty sure you're the one who'd need to be saved in some kind of horrible situation," you laugh. "Tell me I'm wrong."

Takemichi grinds his teeth as he looks between you and his silent girlfriend for help. "Can we just go inside already?" he then grumbles.

"Yeah," Hinata chuckles. "Let's go."

"I'm starving. Think we can hit the food trucks first?" you ask the two of them.

"I'd love nothing more than to do that," Takemichi nods. "I could eat a horse right now."

"Oh gross," Hinata fake gags.

"Hey, look!" you interrupt as you point toward a black and blue food truck. "There's an egg roll truck over there."

"Ooo, let's check it out!" Hinata beams. "I was craving one earlier today!"

After the three of you approach the food truck, you each buy an egg roll and walk towards a large tent where other people are standing and eating.

"Mmm, this is amazing!" Hinata remarks after taking her first bite.

"Mine's really good too," you agree as you devour nearly half in one bite.

"Same here," Takemichi adds while he attacks his food as well.

Just as you're about to take your next bite, a loud high pitched noise rings in your ears so piercing that all three of you drop your plates to the ground. Your knees give in next and you cover your ears with your hands while your forehead touches the earth below.

It takes about thirty seconds until the noise finally stops. When you sit up, you take your hands off of your ears and hold them in front of you. The noise had been so rough on your poor ears that you had begun to bleed out of them.

"Oh my god, what was that?" Hinata asks you as she wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Were we drugged or something?" you ask as you look over at her.

"Uh, where'd everyone else go?" Takemichi then asks. When you look away from Hinata, you notice that nobody else is around. All the other people who had been at the festival are completely gone. The only ones left are you and your two friends. Not to mention that the whole place looks like it's been abandoned for years.

"Holy shit," you mutter as you stand to your feet. "What just happened."

Looking out across the town, you realize that the place you're now standing in is not the same place you were mere seconds ago. It's a strange world overgrown with vegetation as far as the eye can see.

"Um, where are we?" Hinata asks as she grabs onto Takemichi's arm.

"Tokyo?" he replies with uncertainty.

"It sort of looks like it," you agree. "But I swear it didn't just look like this two minutes ago. Or am I just going insane?"

"No, you're right," Takemichi tells you. "None of these crazy plants were here."

"And there were people. It was so loud before..."

"Before that buzzing, right? You guys heard it too?" you ask them.

"Yeah," they both nod.

"And now it's so quiet," you whisper.

"It's really weird," Hinata whispers back. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"What should we-" Takemichi looks over at you before hearing a loud booming noise from not too far away.

"What the hell was that?" you ask as you whip your head around in the direction of the sound.

"Something's moving over there," Hinata whispers to you.

"Like what?" you ask yourself as you squint across the festival area toward the main road. "That noise sounded like..."

Just again, you hear the sound again.

"Fuck, we need to get out of here!" you shout at your two friends. "That's a fucking gun."

"A gun?!" Hinata gasps, looking more terrified than you've ever seen her before.

"Run, let's go. Run!" you shout.

The three of you run away from the gunshots, only to hear more from yet another direction. As you run around, it seems as though whoever is out there, is starting to corner you in.

Eventually, you find yourselves standing out on the road. But you come to a sudden halt when you see a man in a black coat walking slowly toward you. He's got a shotgun slung over his shoulder which you can see clearly from this distance, even as he reaches for it and aims it in your direction.

"Behind the car!" Takemichi shouts as he grabs both your and Hinata's arms.

The second your body disappears behind the car Takemichi has dragged you toward, you hear a gunshot reverberate against the wall just beside you.

"Shit, what do we do?" he then huffs as he looks at the two of you.

"I don't know! Why are you looking at me like I've done this before!?" you whisper sternly. "Hinata, what do you think we should do?" you then look over at her.

"Split up," she whispers as she looks dead ahead.

"What? No way," Takemichi shakes his head. "I'm not leaving you two in this whacked-out place. We're sticking together!"

"Dammit, Hanagaki," you shake your head. "I think she's right. If we go our separate ways we all have a better chance at survival. We'd be a smaller target and we wouldn't attract as much attention."

"So what are you saying? We go our separate ways forever?" he asks.

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. But I think for now, we need to be apart. It's not safe."

"Uh, guys," Hinata squeaks as she looks through the window of the car you're all hiding behind. "He's getting closer."

"We meet back here in one hour! You two got that?!" Takemichi looks at you both sternly.

"Yeah," you nod. "Go! I'll distract this asshole."

While your two friends run off in separate directions, you take in a deep breath and prepare yourself for what you're about to do.

You stand up from behind the car and face the predator nearby. Though you can see him grin when you stand, you can't see much more of his face hidden beneath his dark hood. But the second he picks up his shotgun again, your feet take off.

"Shit, shit, shit, why did I agree to this shitty ass plan?!" you grumble to yourself as you begin to run down a small alleyway away from the hooded man.

Just as you reach a corner, you look back and see the man is still following after you. Though before he didn't seem to be in much of a rush, he's starting to get faster. You, on the other hand, are beginning to run out of energy.

You continue to run through the back alleys until you come face to face with a dead end. You curse your stupid plan again but you're quickly pulled from your internal monologue when you hear the sound of a soda can being squished behind you.

With a gasp, you spin around and see the armed man standing a mere ten feet away from you.

"Who the hell are you?!" you shout at him. "What the fuck do you want from me?!"

The man doesn't answer as he gets closer to you. He slings his gun back around his shoulder and reaches into his coat pocket.

"Don't even think about trying anything on me, you sicko! I'll kick you in the balls so hard it'll make your head spin!" you shout as you watch the man pull his hand out of his pocket. The unmistakable shine of a pocket knife in his grip makes your heart fall into your stomach.

This is it.

The end.

You're dead.

Wasteland Masterlist

[universalcas]

🌻 tagged by @castiel (thanks darling <3) like a decade ago to talk about 8 shows as a way to get to know me better (in no particular order) 🌻

1. Sherlock BBC:

yeah, i know what you are going to say: "that explains a lot about your mental state" and I will answer: "you are absolutely right, my love". I joined tumblr because of this show, right in the middle of the hiatus between season 2 and 3 when I was happy and innocent and the world was beautiful and bright and full of possibilities. I become obsessed with London because of it for a short period of time.

2. Hannibal:

"Achilles wished all Greeks would die, so that he and Patroclus could conquer Troy alone. It took divine intervention to bring them down"

Bryan Fuller owns me, as a human being. This show changed my DNA to the point that I haven't been able to write horror stories without having some scenes from the show in my mind. It's darks, and twisted and incredibly poetic. It has some heavy dose of art (s2 my beloved) and the relationship between Hannibal and Will Graham it's one of the most beautiful and erotic things I've seen portrayed on tv.

3. Good Omens:

I was terrified when Amazon announced that one of my favourite books was going to be adapted to tv. I didn't wanted anyone to touch it because I didn't want anything that had Terry Pratchett's (I miss him everyday) name on it to be tainted by the greedy hands of capitalism but oh boy how incredibly mistaken I was. Good Omens is my happy place, the show I always come back when I'm not feeling my best (and I'm actually excited for a completely made up season 2). It has the story, the funny characters (John Hamm as Gabriel my beloved) Tennant and Sheen are the perfect Crowley and Aziraphale and their chemistry it's just insane in every sense of the word.

4. Black Sails:

"A story is true, a story is untrue. As time extends, it matters less and less. The stories we want to believe, those are the ones that survive"

I don't know what to say about this show without risking a spoiler and I really doesn't want to spoil it to you if you haven't watched the show. If this is the case, go make yourself a favor. It's full of pirates, love, violence and righteous fury. And probably the most iconic characters I've seen in a while.

5. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell:

A one season show from a +1000 pages book. And it couldn't have been done better in my opinion. Highly recommended if (like me) you love dark fantasy, magic and History.

6. Fleabag:

I laughed so much and I cried so much and I didn't expect any of it but I had to let it happen. It's funny and thoughful at the same time and I really liked the way they depicted complex themes like love, loss and self-esteem.

7. American Gods:

And then it happened. Gaiman-Fuller, the match that was meant to be. The book was in need of an adaptation and the show did an incredibly service to it. It's powerfully visual and beautiful and onirical in all the right places. Watching it I feel like I'm walking on a dream.

8. Supernatural:

oh, god, oh, fuck

🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸

Bonus (these shows make me happy for different reasons, you can ask me more about them if you want):

Ted Lasso

The Office US

Hawaii 5-0

X-files

Law & Order

Tagging: If you see this, consider youself tagged. I'm honestly curious about what shows made you, well, you.

[helptheheart]

What is up, my guy. 0-0 So... A little life update. I don't remember if I already said this or not, but you know how H stabbed someone? I found out why, ad it was just literally something dumb. Some guy tried to mug him and his sister, so he stabbed the guy; the guy didn't die or anything and I was told that the guy dying wasn't like H's end goal. Anyway enough about that deadbeat whore. and on to some other whores.

SO. Its coming up to christmans, and the yule has just passed. With Christmas being in like lietteraly 2 days as Im typung this out. Yesterday, the pub I work at, had a little staff party, where we just drank the open kegs and open bottles of wine, so none of it went off or went sour over the two weeks were away for the holidays. So during that I had a few pints of our cass ale bitter. It was okay, and like it says on the tin. Bitter. I will list the drinks I had at work now bc from then on I was just stealing other peoples drinks. So I had: -2 pintes bitter ale -1 half pint of rosé -1 half pine mimosa -1 half pint of a IPA -like a quarter (shared the half pinte with someone) of larger. -1 tequila shot. Thats what I drank at work-. At this point I was probably a little more than drunk, but I have been told I hold myself together pretty well while Im drunk. ANYWAY. So its all the staff in the pub after the days done talking drinking laughing having fun and all that good stuff. A director, of the pub stopps by to drink with us. And From what I saw he had like 1 pint, but he was tripping over his own breath so Im assuming he had something to drink somewhere else. Im standing there minding my own business, and he stands next to me, I say stands this man could not keep still, he was like ACC looking like some seaweed bc the way he was swaying. And he started talking to me, Youknow Im cool with that, I sort of know who this guy is, I know he's high up in this company that Im working for and stuff so I humore him. and then one of the waitresses asked him, if we could do shots, I jokingly said no, but he took it for some reason as like I acc didn't want to do them. so he made me give like a fucking PEEL REEL speech as to why I think we should have those shots. the whole time he was touching my ass..... I don't know if I've said how old I am, but I am 18. this man was alteast in his late 30 early 40s. Just gonna let that sink in, cause what the fuck

Anyway thank god for the people around me cause two people noticed. One of the managers, my female manager that I don't ACC like like put her arm around my shoulders and I was like are you hugging me? and she said yeah. I don't hug this woman, bc like I just don't like her, but Im seeing a new light bc I see now that she is if not anything but a girls girl. Cause she hugged me and took me away from that Mr director man, so hed stop touching me. and then he kinda followed me around the room. I went and stood next to one of the biggest guys there, like ACC big, he works out all the time, and he's tall. Told him, he said he saw and that he and my female manager talked about it and that's why she hugged me and pulled me away from that man. But this guy would fucking leave me alone. he just stood there staring at me like an intrusive thought, with not a singular thought behind his eyes cause all of the blood needed for him to form a singular thought was in his dick. Im not sure if I mentioned my little work crush on my little chef. Yeah, so I just stood around him, bc well 1 were the same age and id have more to talk about with him than I would some of the other people there. and 2 Mr ominous thought the pedo was lurking behind me. So. I told lil chef and he agreed to stay around me. Which we love. Soon enough litterly all of the male staff members knew, bc turns out me exectuve man touch every female person there. apart from one of the only two female chefs that was there. So we all end up leaving the pub and go to, this pub, club mash up ig. called Beef licker I think. On the way there, all the chefs were yelling. "Where's executive, pedo." and asking everyone "where the pedo is"

Acctually made me laugh. so I walk with my arm linked with my lil chef. were walking were talking were having fun. Little time skip were in the pub/club. there's loud music and were all dancing, Im dancing with lil chef. and you know, the Dj see's at least two people of colour fucking shit up and bussing it down on the dance floor, they throw in a few carabean and Spanish songs, which if you know anything about any music, know that these are the songs of my people, and my people are the masters of winning and dirty dancing. I am caibaian, and the other coloured person is a Spanish guy. so were there fucking shit up anyway in a circle of white boys doing white body dances. Eventualy I go outside for a smoke. Lil chef comes out too, and we uses u coat as a blanket cause is like an XXXL men's jacket off temu. So, we talk while were sitting on the floor out side the pub/club snuggling together for warmth under my jacket. Imma say this rn. and probably go on for another half hour bout it but JUST KNOW I GOT GAME. bc He kissed me, and we ended up making out for a little. A little context about my face. I have snake bites. and I wear horse shoe rings for the jewellery. so yeah. After a while some of our friends come out and I pull a way and UK try to make it look like he wasn't just devouring my face like he was trying to undo my peircings with his tongue. Eventually the friends go back in, and were alone again. I mumble something like, do you like my lips better with or without my pircings,,. so I turn them upsidown and we make out a little more, he said he likes it better with them and I tell him he's gotta turn them back up for me, he does. then out friends come back out, they go back in bal bal bal. same shit again and again for like maybe an hour. me and lil chef make out, our friends come out we stop they go in we keep going. Now I'm just say this. I got a cocktail from the place we were at, only because it came with a duck. like a little bath duck. I got the duck and Igot the drink. the drink it was okay 10/10 would drink again. but I ended up losing the duck asking for another one and then finding my first one. I put both of them in my bra. so this little adlib was nessaserry cause. lil chef squeezed my boob a little and it like sqweeked...

I then put my hand down my shirt and pull out two yellow rubber ducks from the depths of my barely there b cup tits. I gave him a duck. the other one went back into my bra. But you know he said something that I'm still thinking about. We made out then we stopped for a little bit and just kinda cuddled into each other. and he said. and I quote. "You know this cant go any where right?" and ofc I was like why? he said "Cause, I'm just a boy, and we lead girls on, and I don't want to lead you on. Im sorry." and ofc I was like well why are we making out them if you don't want to lead me on. and atp I'm like pretty sure this guy knows I have a little crush on him. and again he just apologised and said "Im just a boy, and I don't mean to do it"

eventualy i get over that, and were taking a little more, and so he's leaving Saturday just passed was his last day being someone I work with. We talk a little more, he asked me to be hims 'work girlfriend' I ask what does that entail and he said making out in the toilets after shift. I was like yeah okay, but I'm more of a work wife kinda gyal. he said I skipped a few steps but I was now his work wife. but I sednt him a text after I got home. and was like, why don't you stay at the pub, like I cant be a work wife if we don't work together, then I'm just wife. time skip I wake up the next morning. as hung over as it gets for me, which is I'm just tired and super dizzy and thirsty. so I drink some water and go back to sleep wake up still dizzy but not like a lot. still a little dizzy typing this. but its like half 8 now. at 5 he responded to my text and was like no<3 I'm not gonna do that sos.and then asked if I wanted to go over to his. Atp its five Im literally just laying in bed, its not that late, sure its darker than the devils prostate outside, but its still like an okay time for me to be out. I wait a little bit so I can eat dinner then I'm like oh by the way where the fuck do you live. and then he says his mum came home and now he has to go out with family. and he's done this twice now. like invited me over and the flaked. So idk if he just invites me over bc he has balls at the moment and them if I go yeah sure give me a little bit and then lmk where the fuck I'm supposed to rock up to, and then he flakes bc its getting a little too real? But like I said before Im asexual so its not like Im getting blue balled or anything like. If I were to be in a relationship with him, we would really only be doing this bc he wanted to, UK like ofc id say no if I just wasn't feeling it but like you know, like he'd be the one to initiate every time. I personally just want cuddles and to feel like someone ACC loves me and values me. some one that isn't my family. bc my friends have been kinda crummby lately and Ive done a lot of emotional baking. Ive made so many cookies and loafs of bread for the past two weeks

But yeah no. I just want to be cuddled and just one made to feel a little special to someone, that doesn't 'accidently' hit me in the hed with his bong multiple times. oH I almost forgot, back to the i got game part. I made of with a different guy I work with. in a photo booth. I told one guy I'm like besties with that I lips two people and told him who they were and he sent me a vn being like "Im super impressed like u lipsed two of the most attractive guys that work(/ed) with us like u got game." and I was like bbg ikrrrrrrrr. But anyway that's all from me for now. Happy yule tide, merry Christmas, happy hanica and an happy holidays and I hope everyone is blessed with health and prosperity for the rest ofwhat little we have of 2024 and has the best 2025 they possibly can. (xoxo gossip girl)

[dreamfly-fitness1]

Porto 3-3 Man United, Europa League: Erik Clarifies Marcus's Half-Time Substitution As Rotation

After the Red Devils went 2-0 up through early goals from Rashford and Rasmus Hojlund, a strike from Pepe and a brace from Samu Omorodion had put them on the brink of another humiliating defeat

social Marcus-RashfordMarcus Rashford was substituted despite a positive display at Porto Erik ten Hag has insisted Marcus Rashford's half-time withdrawal during Manchester United's draw with Porto was down to a need for rotation, not a statement on his performance. (More Sports News)

United are still searching for their first Europa League win of the campaign, after Harry Maguire's late header salvaged a 3-3 draw in Porto on Thursday.

After the Red Devils went 2-0 up through early goals from Rashford and Rasmus Hojlund, a strike from Pepe and a brace from Samu Omorodion had put them on the brink of another humiliating defeat.

To cap United's frustrations, captain Bruno Fernandes was shown a red card for a second successive game after also being dismissed in Sunday's 3-0 loss to Tottenham, having never previously been sent off in any of his first 241 games for United.

It was the decision to substitute Rashford for Alejandro Garnacho, though, that dominated post-match talk, with no United player matching Rashford's eight touches in the Porto box or three successful dribbles all game, despite his early withdrawal.

Speaking to TNT Sports after the game, Ten Hag said: "We have to rotate. Garnacho, we didn't start him, but he had a great game not only Sunday but the whole season.

"We go quickly with a turnaround to Villa and they have had a day longer to recover and we have an away game."

social Marcus-RashfordMarcus Rashford was substituted despite a positive display at Porto Erik ten Hag has insisted Marcus Rashford's half-time withdrawal during Manchester United's draw with Porto was down to a need for rotation, not a statement on his performance. (More Sports News)

United are still searching for their first Europa League win of the campaign, after Harry Maguire's late header salvaged a 3-3 draw in Porto on Thursday.

After the Red Devils went 2-0 up through early goals from Rashford and Rasmus Hojlund, a strike from Pepe and a brace from Samu Omorodion had put them on the brink of another humiliating defeat.

To cap United's frustrations, captain Bruno Fernandes was shown a red card for a second successive game after also being dismissed in Sunday's 3-0 loss to Tottenham, having never previously been sent off in any of his first 241 games for United.

It was the decision to substitute Rashford for Alejandro Garnacho, though, that dominated post-match talk, with no United player matching Rashford's eight touches in the Porto box or three successful dribbles all game, despite his early withdrawal.

Speaking to TNT Sports after the game, Ten Hag said: "We have to rotate. Garnacho, we didn't start him, but he had a great game not only Sunday but the whole season.

"We go quickly with a turnaround to Villa and they have had a day longer to recover and we have an away game."

Rashford now has 14 goals in the Europa League, moving him outright fourth in the all-time UEFA Cup/Europa League charts among English players, behind only Martin Chivers (22), Alan Shearer (21) and Jermain Defoe (19).

Asked about the substitution again in his post-match press conference, Ten Hag added: "Yeah, but Garnacho was my best player on Sunday by far and also in many other games.

"I think in the season, as I assess it so far, he is bringing us so far the offensive threat by creating chances, assists, also scoring.

"Garnacho we also have to play as well and we have two very good players over that side."

Pushed on whether the decision had anything to do with Rashford's role in Porto's first goal, which came down the England man's flank, Ten Hag said: "I have to watch it back and I think over the left side definitely we didn't defend well tonight.

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 58 Transcript: Talking About Our Feelings (And Our Favorite Boybands)

[intro guitar music]

G: Hello! My name is Grey.

C: And my name is Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, a Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show several times...

C: And I, someone who only knows the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian.

G: Both Asian! For this episode, we will be discussing Season 3, Episode 14: "Long-Distance Call," written by Jeremy Carver [both groan], my enemy, directed by Robert Singer. Also my enemy. I feel like I've been making so many enemies with the Supernatural writers.

C: Well, they're just kind of the worst people ever. So, you know. That's what happens.

G: Yeah. This is his fourth episode in season 3.

C: Hmm. That's a lot of episodes.

G: How many episodes are in season 3? Is it like 16?

C: 16, so he's 25% of season 3.

G: Jesus Christ! [laughs]

C: Yeah. What a lad.

G: Well. [laughing] And then they made him-

C: A showrunner. They did do that.

G: - a showrunner!

C: They chose that on purpose.

G: Okay. So I mean, this episode is an episode.

C: Yeah. I mean, okay, I guess to contextualize where we're at, the last episode I transcribed, I said, "Remember when we took that one month break? This is after that one month break."

G: Yes.

C: And I feel like people are gonna assume that the one month break I was talking about in our "Jus in Bello" episode was our February one month break, but no. I was talking about our December one month break. [G laughs] This is the first recording after our February one month break.

G: Oh my god.

C: We are recording on March 4, 2023, and I have not thought about, touched, watched Supernatural for like, over a month.

G: An entire fucking month. How was it? What was the feeling like?

C: It was beautiful. It was freeing. [G laughs] I walked around. I didn't think about Misha Collins, ever. I like, played Disco Elysium, which is good. Yeah, you know, it was just a wonderful time. What about you?

G: Yeah. Well, I also played some games, which- there's going to be an outtake, I think, at the end of this episode where we just talk about the games we've been playing.

C: Well, not at the end of the episode. On our Ko-Fi-

G: On Ko-Fi.

C: - so you have to pay to hear about our video game opinions [G laughs], which, of course, are so fascinating and interesting, and everybody wants to hear them.

G: You have to pay $3 at least [C laughs]- I mean, I don't know. Is there an at least payment in Ko-Fi? I have no idea how Ko-Fi works.

C: Yeah, I think you have to tip $3.

G: Really? [laughs] Well, you have to pay $3.

C: To hear our entirely mid video game opinions, yes. [laughs]

G: No, you have to pay $3 to hear me talk about Kiryu Kazuma shirtless shower scene [C laughing] from Yakuza 0, so.

I mean, what did we think about this episode? What did you know about it, at least? That's our format. [laughs] I ask you that.

C: Nothing?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay, so what I knew about it- Okay. I knew nothing about it, and then I was talking to my ex-fiancee, and she was like, "What's your next recording?" And I said, "Oh, it's 'Long-Distance Call,'" and she was like, "I think I remember that one. There's like, demons that possess people through the phone." So I was here, waiting for the demons that possess people through the phone [both laugh], but there were no demons, and they possessed no people through no phones, so.

G: The whole point of the episode is that there is no demons.

C: Well, the point of the episode is- Yes, I think the first point is that there's no ghosts, and then the second point is that there's no demons, yeah. [laughs]

G: Yeah. I mean, did you feel that this episode was very quick-paced?

C: Quick-based as in- oh, paced. Paced.

G: The pacing- yeah, quick-paced.

C: I just don't know what Supernatural is supposed to be like anymore. I feel like my main feelings about this episode were that it was an interesting concept, like, they picked a monster of the week that allows for a lot of good stuff.

G: Yeah.

C: I don't think they like, took that to its highest potential. But I feel like Supernatural is always better when John's involved. Like, I mean, awful sentence. But it just makes Dean a lot more likable, and since they've decided he's the main character, like, that makes sense. But also, there was also just a lot of like, misogyny and racism in earlier parts of the episode.

G: Yeahhh.

C: But like, yeah, so, I don't know. I don't know if this was a good episode, but I do remember like, feeling like, "Oh, like, it was stupid of me to dread coming back to Supernatural so much because I'm having fun" at certain points in the episode. So I guess I like, generally enjoyed myself.

G: You thought that? You thought that? [laughing]

C: Thought what?

G: That you were having fun? [laughing]

C: Sam and Dean were yelling at each other, and I was like, "Yes, bite and kill. I do enjoy watching this."

G: I had the thought, "Oh my god! Sam looks so good." [C laughing] And that's the only positive thought I had this entire episode. And he does look very good.

C: Are you talking about the final scene, where he has, like, the red smudged, like, on his face from like, the fight?

G: Not even. It was like, when he was walking back from the house after talking to the man.

C: Mm.

G: [laughing] The vaguest explanation of a scene as possible.

C: I'm trying to figure out which fucking man- oh, the father of the teenage girl?

G: Yep, exactly.

C: Huh. I don't recall what he looked like.

G: He looked- Yeah, he doesn't have bangs anymore. And like, I was afraid that like, I wouldn't think him- I wouldn't be fond of Sam anymore-

C: Without the bangs?

G: - bangless. Yeah, but because he has the bangs, I actually quite enjoy it. I mean, that doesn't make any sense. Because, like, he doesn't have the bangs anymore, and I think he looks very attractive.

C: Huh, nice.

G: Huh. Yeah.

C: I think I actually have a note on my doc that says, "Sam looks bad this episode." [laughing]

G: Noo! You're so mean. He is-

C: I might have just forgotten what he looks like. [laughs]

G: Yeah.

C: Who knows?

G: While I was watching this- Maybe the reason why I thought it was fast-paced was because I've been pouring hours and hours into video games that are so, so slow. But like, when I was watching this, all I could think of was like, "Well, I mean, I've been playing games that are hypermasculine [C laughs], but I've been enjoying those. Why am I not enjoying this?" [C laughing] So real.

C: So real.

G: So now that we've talked about our conflicting opinions on Sam's visuals this episode [C laughs], let's start!

C: "Visuals." You're such a K-pop fan. [G laughs] Okay, let's start.

-

G: Yeah. Well, so, we start the episode with a man. He looks-

C: Oh, do we want to talk about the "Then" sequence at all?

G: Well, I mean, we can. But what's in it?

C: I think I just took really detailed notes this episode because after transcribing our "Jus in Bello" episode, I was like, "No, I have to do better." So I just have bullet points for fucking everything.

G: God, that episode. I mean, I just want to say, our "Jus in Bello-" I mean, how do you pronounce it? Is it "Yoos in Bello" or whatever?

C: "Yoos"? "Yoos in Bello," I think. It's probably "Yoos in Bello."

G: Is it for real? It's literally "Juhs in Bello" to me. But like, that episode was so bad [C laughing], so like, I want to apologize. It was horrible. It was so bad.

C: Henriksen deserved better from both of us, but we were so so sleepy.

G: Exactly. We were so eepy! [C laughs]

C: We were soo eepy.

Highlights of the "Then" sequence- I thought it was funny that Dean's voiceover was, "I have a year left to live, so why don't we make the most of it" over him like, stabbing Astaroth over and over again.

G: Yeah. Brutal stabbing scene.

C: Like, so true. That is him like, living it up. Having a fun like, farewell tour. Right. They have scenes where like, Dean's sad about John's death, which, since I didn't know what this episode was about, I was like, "Oh, fascinating! How does this come up?" But all the scenes are about Dean being sad and not about Sam's grief in any way whatsoever, which is a great foreshadowing to the episode.

G: Yeah. I'm surprised that, like, they didn't make Dean wear the leather jacket this episode because of that joke that's like-

C: He starts with the leather jacket.

G: Does he? Well, maybe that post about how "You know when an episode is gonna deal with Dean's John issues when he starts the episode with the leather jacket on" [both laughing]- Literally, so true.

C: God. That's so fucking true.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, I think those are the main highlights of the "Then" sequence. I think something about the "Then" sequence- because it was like, his John grief followed immediately by like, him talking about how he'll never get out of the Sam deal, I guess I was thinking about- Do you think that he would have made the deal if John was still alive?

G: Ohh. Wow, this is like, season 1 shit! [laughing]

C: Yeah.

G: You know what I mean? Like, [laughing] we've never talked about anything like this since season 1. [both laugh] That's interesting. I don't think he would have because he would- the like, "listening to my father" would come first. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he prioritizes Sam over his father in his life at that point. But like, their relationship when John was alive was very different. Like, his and Sam's.

C: Yeah. Yeah. They didn't just have each other. So that was different.

Yeah, I think my reasoning was that I don't think he would, because like, this is probably kind of uncharitable to Dean, but I sort of assume that the reason he made a deal for Sam is because, like, all he lives for is family, so like, since John was dead, Sam was the only family he had left, and either Dean would be alone forever, or like, he'd die and Sam would be alone forever, and Dean finds Sam being alone forever a better outcome for himself. Whereas if John was still alive, like, he still cares about Sam, and it would suck, but I think that he would be like, "I still have family, and I'm not gonna abandon my living family, so I don't need to die."

G: Also, I think it would cross his mind that, I mean, "Who am I gonna leave behind? Sam and Dad? Like, be fucking for real."

C: [laughs] Oh, yeah, they would kill each other.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. It would be done. I think if yeah, Sam and John had a better relationship, he might change his mind because I feel like he likes the fantasy of like, the Winchester family being together. So if he could be like, "Sam and John, like, will be together like, hunting, and like, the Winchesters and the family business will still be going strong," I feel like he might make the deal. But yeah, if Sam and John, the way that they are, would not- it would not work.

G: It would not at all.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

So we start with the actual episode now, and it's a man drinking whiskey, very, very distressed. And the phone is ringing, so he picks it up. And it's this woman named Linda, and Linda seems to be a mistress at this point in the episode. And she's saying like, "Come to me!" Like, "We can be together." You know, stuff like that. Like, [laughing] mistress stuff. [C laughs] I don't know why, I was like- And the guy's like, "I can't-"

C: It's mistress stuff because the guy is like, "My wife. I can't leave her."

G: Yeah. He says, "I can't leave my wife," and Linda's like, "No, please, please." And she keeps on ringing him and ringing him and ringing him to the point where he smashes the phone, and, like, the line disconnects, as in the line to the wall disconnects. Do you still have a telephone?

C: No.

G: At your like, family house?

C: No.

G: No?

C: We don't even have a home phone. I think we got a flip phone to be our home phone number, and then we lost it. [G laughs]

G: That's a slay. We do have a telephone.

C: Nice.

G: Yeah. And even here, like, I don't think it's that common. I think we're like, an old-fashioned house in that way, even here. So that's not like, a Filipino thing. That's just a my family thing.

C: Hm.

G: Yeah. Anyway, the line disconnects, but the phone still rings, and the guy's like, "Okay, fucking fine." And he opens his cabinet and pulls out a tiny ass gun, and he goes, "If this is what you want-" or something.

C: He says, "Okay, Linda, you win."

G: "You win." Agh. And then he shoots himself, and it's like, blood splatter.

C: Yeah.

G: And that's the end of our teaser. It's- I liked the teaser.

C: I agree.

G: Because it's like, you- Like, at every single point, you're like, guessing about what's happening, and then when it clicks at the end where he's like, "Okay, you win," and then- I think, like, Linda is saying like, before this is like, "We could be happy together." And he says, "Okay, you win," meaning that like, together means "in death." And you're like, "Ah, it's like, ghosts on the phone." And it's like, it's done pretty well. I like it.

C: Yeah, I agree. It doesn't give too much away about the case. And yeah, it is sufficiently creepy.

G: Yeah. And it's like, what a teaser is supposed to be like. 'Cause we've had teasers in this show that were like, I don't know. Like, it doesn't make you think, it's just, "Somebody dies!" and it's like, you can remove this from the episode and it wouldn't do anything

C: Right.

G: But this one sets up the episode pretty well.

C: Yeah, good teaser.

-

C: So we cut to some college campus, and we know it's a college campus because the first shot shows a hot dog stand with the title "Hot Dog on Campus." [G laughs] So true.

G: The hot dog is literally on campus!

C: It literally fucking is. So yeah, right. Dean is on the phone with Bobby, and he is wearing his leather jacket. I wrote that down.

G: Okay.

C: And yeah, he's like, finishing up the call, going like, "Yeah, okay, cool." And he has a hot dog. Sam comes over, and I guess Dean does like, this physical, like, gag where he shoves the rest of the whole thing in his mouth and then tosses Sam a can of soda. This can of soda is the most interesting character in this episode, because from the way it's tossed, like, and the fact that it's not open, it's a full can of soda. But when Sam angry-walks off at the end of the scene, he throws it away. [both laughing] Did you notice that?

G: [laughing] No!

Sam- maybe Sam has like, a cola preference. He has a soda preference, and this is not- Maybe he's a Sprite guy!

C: Right. I used to be a Sprite guy.

G: What do you- I think Sam- You know what? I've seen what Diet Dr. Pepper people are like on the internet [C laughs], and I think Sam could be one of them.

C: Huh! Fascinating. I'll go with that. I don't know soda personality types very well. What kind of a soda guy are you?

G: I'm a- I like Diet Coke, not because of the diet, but because of the-

C: It tastes different.

G: It's less sweet. Yeah, it tastes different, and I don't like Coke when it's too sweet, so I like Diet Coke.

C: That makes sense.

G: But other than that, I like- [laughs] I like sparkling water.

C: Oh god.

G: So yeah. Sparkling water-

C: Do I need to look for a new podcast co-host?

G: Noo!

C: I feel like this may be necessary. This is information you should have disclosed before we became friends. But okay, continue.

G: I like sparkling- I just- I don't like sweet stuff- sweet drinks that much. So like, if given the choice of drinking anything sparkly, like, okay. When I go to Starbucks, I buy the bottled kombucha-

C: Uh-huh. [G laughing]

G: - And that's what I drink in Starbucks. In a coffee shop. I drink kombucha.

C: In a coffee shop. At Starbucks.

G: Yes.

C: Well, you know, it takes all kinds to make the world go around.

G: Well, one of us has got to be Californian. [both laughing]

C: I used to be a Sprite guy, and then I realized that no one was forcing me to drink soda, and I never had to have my tongue attacked by evil little bubbles again. [G laughs] So now, I'm a no carbonation guy.

G: Oh my god. Sprite people are so fucking annoying. [C laughing] Like, that's- Unreal how annoying they are.

C: Okay. Tell me more.

G: They're very picky. They're like- Sprite people, I find, they're like, if you go to McDonald's and you accidentally order Coke for them, they won't drink it. That people. [laughs]

C: Well, yeah, because it's Coke. It's a very different flavor! [G laughs] Sprite is like, carbonated lemonade. Coke is like- what is it? Vanilla-based?

G: No, like, I understand that this is like, coming from a different place, but, like, I was taught, like, if somebody serves you food, you eat it, you know?

C: Mm, fair.

G: So like, if somebody serves you Coke, and you go, "Oh, no, I like Sprite," like, in my mind, I'm like, "You're so rude. You're a terrible person."

C: Fair.

G: [laughs] I know that's not true, like, but like, that's the instinctual reaction that I have.

C: I understand.

G: Yeah. And then people who order Coke Zero? Unreal. [C laughs] Like, you're un-fucking-real.

C: Wait, so what are the good soda people? Just Diet Coke?

G: Diet Coke, regular Coke. If you ordered that, like, orange, like-

C: Fanta?

G: I think it's Fanta. It's called Fanta in the US. And here, we call our orange coke "Royal." If you order Royal... I mean, live your life. [both laughing] But I am against it, so.

C: Okay. Yeah. 'Cause I feel like back when I thought I had to drink soda, I was Sprite and then Fanta, so good to know what you think.

G: I just feel like you don't have to mimic a fruit in soda. It's soda.

C: You don't have to mimic a water in soda, either. [G laughs]

G: That's true. Well, maybe we should move on from this.

C: [laughing] Maybe we should move on from this. I agree.

G: Yeah.

C: Oh, right, okay. Do you think when Sam saw Dean stuff half a hot dog in his mouth, he, like, his PTSD got triggered?

G: From what?

C: From "Mystery Spot." From "Mystery Spot," when Dean fucking died from like, one bite of sausage.

G: Oh my god, yeah! Yeah, he died eating sausage.

C: Yeah. Slay.

G: They don't acknowledge that episode at all.

C: At all!

G: It's like, a lot. It's a lot!

C: Yeah like, at no point does Sam have like, a little breakdown and go like, "I had to watch you die like, a hundred times," and then live six months-

G: Not even that. Not even that. It was like, the completely brutal time that he lived after that death for like, six months after, right?

C: Yeah. Six whole months. Right. I don't know. They're very bad at continuity in Supernatural.

G: That's true.

C: I would really enjoy if, like, I saw them like, flinch at things that like, hurt them in previous episodes in future episodes. Like, they don't even have to like, say anything about it. Just like, do some acting with your face. But yeah, they're bad at that.

G: Yeah.

C: So Sam tells Dean that, like, the professor that he consulted to ask about getting Dean out of his demon deal didn't know anything. And Dean tells Sam about the case by saying, "Pack your panties, Sammy. We're hitting the road." So yeah, a little ding in my head in some point category.

So Bobby has told Dean about the banker suicide that we saw in the beginning, and Sam goes, "Oh, so you guys were talking about a case?" and Dean goes, "No, we were actually talking about our feelings. And then our favorite boy bands. Yeah, we were talking a case." He's un-fucking-bearable. Thank god John comes in to like, make Dean just a scared little boy again, or else I would have killed him.

G: Talking about our feelings and our favorite boy bands is exactly [laughs] what our conversations are like off-podcast.

C: That is true.

G: Literally our feelings and my favorite boy bands.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Do I- have I ever experienced a boy band that I like? [both] I don't think so.

G: I think you liked the-

C: Solo artists?

G: The artists in the red- the movie Saving Red? Serving Red. [laughs]

C: Serving Red. Real.

G: [laughs] Turning Red!

C: Four- what is it? Fourtr- it's not Fortran. What's the name of the- it's Four something. "Turning Red. boy band." Google. Well, duckduckgo. 4*Town!

G: 4*Town! You know what's fascinating? They have a song that's like, it sounds quite similar, like a portion of it-

C: It's a Super Junior song?

G: - to a Super Junior song! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

C: You told me, yeah.

G: I'm a Super Junior fan, and like, the comments in that music video for a while were like, "Oh my god, this sounds exactly like the song from Turning Red. It's so cool." And I was like, "OMG, me and Crystal solidarity!" [C laughs]

C: That is extremely true and correct.

So Sam’s pretty surprised that Dean wants to talk- or wants to talk about a case and do a case because he says like, that the thing they're focusing on right now should be getting Dean out of his deal. And Dean tells him, like, "We have no leads, and we can't do anything, so whatever. Let's just hunt." And Sam has giant sad puppy eyes about it, and he tells Dan that they should summon Ruby. And Dean says that this is like, an argument that they've had a lot, and then Dean finally reveals what Ruby told him in "Malleus Maleficarum," which is that she doesn't actually have a way to save him. And yeah, when Dean yells this, Sam goes, "What?" And he looks like, so sad and betrayed, and I know it's mostly just because Dean has to die, but like, my Samruby heart does want to think that a lot of it is just that he's sad that Ruby lied to him.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. And Sam goes, "You didn't mention this to me?" and Dean goes, "I really don't care what that bitch thinks, and neither should you, so." [G laughs] Girl.

[mocking voice] Some people use misogyny to cope! He's just dealing with the fact that he's gonna die soon! [G laughs] [normal voice] Get over yourself, Dean.

G: Yeah. Damn.

C: And this is when Sam's like, "Okay, fuck this. I guess we have to do the case" and then throws his completely full, unopened can of soda into the trash can. He, like, does a little toss from like, two feet away, and you watch it go into the bin, and it seems to not actually fall in. It seems to get caught in the corner between the metal of the bin and the actual trash can. Fascinating. Love it. [G laughs]

G: They didn't think to reshoot it. They just went along with it.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Who decided that that should be a thing at all? Whatever. Is it to show that Sam's so angy that he's willing to waste the like, $1 of fake credit card money that Dean spent on getting him a soda?

G: Perhaps.

C: Perhaps.

G: Or maybe [laughs]- maybe he really just is a soda hater, just like you. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Saur true.

-

G: So we go to the house of the guy who died.

C: Yup.

G: And they're talking to the lady, and it's like, usual fare for Supernatural where like, the victim's wife is uncooperative, and is like, "The detectives have been here-" like, literally, it's just that.

C: Yeah.

G: And what they discovered is that at some point, the guy had been receiving calls, and one time-

C: Yeah. Do you wanna mention how Dean gets her to talk? [laughs]

G: Oh, yeah! [laughs] Dean says [laughing]- wait, where was it? Like, "It's capital punishment"?

C: "Withholding information from the police is a capital offense." Meaning, "We will fucking death penalty you right now if you don't talk to us." [G laughs]

G: And then, like, Sam goes, "Um, no." Dean goes like, "Well, it is in some places, perhaps." [C laughs] And I was like, "Dean, you're so fucking unreal."

C: Yup.

G: Anyway, what eventually- what happens is the lady says that, like, what I said earlier, the husband has been receiving calls, but whenever she picks up the other end - which is a fascinating thing with telephones - there's nobody on the line. So this- her husband was just talking to a woman named Linda, to static noise. So... creepy!

C: Creepy!

G: I mean, that's like, such a creepy idea, right?

C: Yes.

G: Like, you're- Someone in the other room is talking to someone on the phone, and you pick it up, and it's like, nothing.

C: Yes.

G: That's fucking terrifying!

C: It is really scary.

G: Yeah. In the motel room, Dean- This is why I said, like, it's a bit fast-paced. They never even like, do like, research on Linda. They just find her immediately. But basically Linda was-

C: She's a high schooler, and you know what Dean says about her photograph?

G: "She's a babe." [laughing]

C: She's a high schooler. She died in high school. And later, he calls a teenage girl "jailbait."

G: Yeah!

C: So, you know, big win for like, what? Pedophile Dean truthers out there? [G screams] What the fuck is going on?

G: The jailbait line? This one flew over me, the, like, "Linda's a babe," and she's a high schooler. But like, when he said like, "Okay, just hang out with jailbait, then," I was like, "What the fuck? What the fuck is happening?"

C: He's never met this girl. He just knows that there's a high school girl that Sam has spoken to once, and this is what he refers to her as.

G: Yeah, and it's like, so fucking creepy, even as like, a passing remark or a joke, it's still fucking creepy as all hell.

C: And he fucking hammers it in. Because he's like, "Oh, like, I hope that that guy from How to Catch a Predator doesn't show up." Like, what? What's happening? Jeremy Carver, do we need to talk?

G: Yeah. Ugh. I don't want to talk to that man. [laughs]

C: Yeah. Nor do I.

G: Well, he did shave- he did make that father shave- of two [both] shave his chest.

C: Right. And I guess that makes everything else okay. [laughs] Fucking- Anyway-

G: Yeah, anyway, Ben and Linda were high school sweethearts, and then she died because a drunk driver hit them like, I don't know. But she got cremated, so they don't know why she's still calling. And Sam figures out that the caller ID that they see, which is like, "SHE223"? 1233? I don't know. Doesn't matter.

C: It's like, I think it's "SHA33."

G: "SHA33," yeah. Apparently, that's like, a really old phone number. Like, way back phone number. And like, it's fascinating. It's over a hundred years old. Why? Why that tidbit of information?

C: I don't know.

G: Just to throw us off with the-

C: Yeah, just to throw us off with the Thomas Edison Museum, I guess.

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-

C: So we move to this phone company, and there's some man, who we find out his name is Clark. And he's leading them down to the basement to like, ask some people some questions about phone things, and Dean tries to social engineer himself into a free meal by saying, like, "Oh, the main office said that like, there's gonna be a lunch here prepared for us." And the guy's like, "Uh, yeah, sure, yeah, no, we can get you something." [laughs] Dean's so real for that. And there's like, a CGI fly-

G: Oh my god, this scene. I just remembered what this scene-

C: Oh, yeah, no. I look forward to talking at length about what's about to come up. There's a CGI fly that flies into Sam's hair, which I guess will be relevant-

G: Yeah, barely.

C: - and the guys like, "Sorry, we have a hygiene issue down here." And then they go into an office in the basement, and we see this guy named Stewie, and he's Asian.

G: Yeah.

C: Which is not a win for this particular character at all.

G: I mean, it's- [sighs] I mean, he does die a brutal death.

C: The whole time, I'm like, "Is this racist? Is this racist?" Like, everything he does, I'm like, "Is this racist?" Probably.

G: Well, it is. [laughs]

C: Yeah, I think so.

G: Well, I mean this may be a shock to people who are everyone else- I don't know. I don't think this is shocking. But like, people of different races can be racist to other people of different races-

C: [laughs] Yes.

G: - even they're all people of color. So yes, I do think it is racist.

C: Well, I think it's more- I was just wondering if the portrayal of Stewie in general-

G: Oh yeah, of course.

C: - as like, an Indian man who's like, an IT guy who's like, sweaty and like, dirty, and like, like, really weird and servile to Clark later is racist. And yes, it is. So yeah. This is Stewie.

Yeah, he's Indian, and he's sitting at a place with a bunch of screens. Like, there's junk food around, there's like, flies buzzing around him. He's like, sweaty, and there's like, porn all over the the screens in front of him. And one of those porn sites, we will find out soon, is the title of our podcast

G: Whoo! [laughing]

C: Whoo!

G: I shouldn't be cheering. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. So, okay. So Clark is quite rude to Stewie. He like, fucking flicks the back of his head. What kind of- that's like- Yeah, HR should hear about that, but unfortunately Stewie will be too dead after the episode-

G: Well, HR needs to hear a lot of things about this office. [both laughing]

C: Yeah. Right. I guess the murders should probably come first. [G laughs]

G: The two dead people in the basement should probably be at the top of their agenda.

C: Yeah. But then, like, Clark flicking Stewie's head should also be there at some point. Yeah.

G: Well, I think the pornography should also be in the agenda.

C: Oh, yes, the pornography should also be in the agenda. I agree.

Yeah. So, right. The man or Clark is like, "These people are from headquarters. You should give them whatever they need." Like, Stewie turns around and like, funny-crosses his legs to hide his raging boner.

G: I hate it!

C: Yeah. So what occurs next is, Stewie asks, "How can I help you?" and Dean looks at the screen and goes, " Is that bustyasianbeauties.com?" And we see some terrible graphic design of an Asian woman being sexy and shit. And this, like, fucking, weird robot voice comes from the screen and says, "Me so horny." Do you know what "me so horny" is from?

G: [laughing] No!

C: Okay. So "me so horny," is from a Vietnam War movie called Full Metal Jacket.

G: Oh my god. Yes?

C: Where like, a sex worker approaches the soldiers and says, "Me so horny. Me love you long time," and then, like, I don't know, they give her $10 for, like, whatever. Full treatment. And I guess this is a pretty important sentence to just, general Asian fetishization culture in that, like, I don't know, like, if you look up that sentence you will get like, ten articles from various Asian women that start with like, "Every Asian woman has been catcalled by someone yelling, 'Me so horny! Me love you long time!' at them on the street," which I think might be an older generation thing.

G: Yeah.

C: I think this movie is not as popular anymore. But yeah. I think this is like, kind of like, the Asian fetishization sentence. So you know, that's fun.

G: Noo.

C: Love it so much.

G: Yeah. Every time they do this gag, it like, gets worse and worse. [both laugh]

C: Yeah. The fucking worst one is the Men of Letters one because it just makes you think a lot about Western imperialism in Asia, like, so hard, but yeah, it just gets worse.

G: Yeah, like, they throw in another tidbit that's like, "Oh, okay! They're actually doing this like, as a joke," and it's like, yeah.

C: Yep.

G: Well.

C: Yaay. Love it.

G: I mean, at least when we were watching "Tall Tales," I was ready. I've been ready since Season 1.

C: Yeah.

G: But having it happen now [laughs], I was shocked, because I didn't expect this episode to be like this.

C: Right. Same.

G: I mean, also like, it's the same deal with the jailbait comment. Like, it came out of nowhere.

C: Yeah, it was just like, "Fucking whoa. Okay. I guess this is happening now."

G: Yeah yeah yeah. So yeah, I don't like that. I don't like being surprised.

This is a show that I've watched several times, according to my tagline. [C laughs] I don't like to be surprised by anything that happens in it.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, Dean tells him, like, "Hey, some advice. The platinum membership is worth every penny."

G: Oh my god. He has a platinum membership! [groans]

C: He pays money. He has a platinum membership to bustyasianbeauties.com.

Do you think Dean's like, "I'm supporting the workers by doing this"?

G: I mean, Dean- I don't think so.

C: I mean, he is, but like, I don't think he would think it. He technically is, I suppose. But yeah, I don't think that's what he's thinking

G: I mean, he is doing- There's the intentionality of it, right? Like, I don't think he's like, "Okay, I'm gonna jerk it to a hot Asian lady today so that she can have food on her table tomorrow!" [C laughing] Like, I don't think that's the logic.

C: Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. But I think that the scene does, like, bring up a point that I saw in a Tumblr post once, which is that BAB isn't really a Dean-specific thing. It's more that like, the writers of Supernatural believe that, in the Supernatural universe, every man attracted to women has an Asian fetish. Like, they just feel like it's a natural part of being attracted to women. Do you know what I mean?

G: Yeah.

C: Which is another fascinating, fascinating thing.

Yeah, I'm just thinking about the casting of Stewie in general. Like, do you think-

G: Yeah, like, was it a race-blind cast?

C: Yeah, did they race-blind cast- Because his full name is Stewie Myers, which sounds like a name that they would come up with for a race-blind cast, so I feel like probably. But also, I don't know, I feel like he just happens to fall into so many stereotypes that it's like, "Did they change the script after this man was cast?"

G: Well, I mean, the like, dirty nature was like, relevant to the episode.

C: Yeah, it was relevant to the episode, and it's actually a Clark thing, but like, Stewie's still the one generating the quote unquote "filth" that Clark, like, as a creature thrives among. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like- yeah, it's hard to tell. Right.

G: Yeah. And like, this is something I also think about when we discuss, like, stereotypes in a TV show, right? Like, you know, the concept that, like, you know, people of color, for example, cannot be anything but perfect because, like, representation, blah blah blah.

C: Right. Yeah.

G: And like, I feel like Supernatural is not the avenue to have that discussion. I'm bringing it up because it may be on some people's minds, but like, not in this white-ass fucking show. [both laugh] You know what I mean?

C: Yeah, I feel like my feelings on that is, like, it is fine to have characters fall into some stereotypes as long as they're like, nuanced characters that feel like people so they're not caricatures. But like, this is like, a minor character, and this is Supernatural, that only has a person of color once in a blue moon, and like, they either die or are like, just terrible in some fashion or both. So yeah, I feel like this is not the avenue to be having this conversation. But yeah. I don't know. I feel like every time there's a person of color, it's like, "This is like, the first South Asian character on Supernatural, and he's like this, and that's a problem." But also, just Supernatural has no people of color ever. Like, that claim could be made of every single person of color and whatever flaws they have. But, like, I don't- I feel like- Like, maybe we'll get into this more like, in the scene where, like, he's tied up and Clark kills him, but I just- like, the whole time I was like, "Would they ever have a white man say or do any of the things that are happening here?" And I just couldn't really imagine it in Supernatural.

G: Well, I think they would have like, a white man do it, but like, obviously, the visuals would be different, you know?

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: It's an issue mostly of, "How many South Asian characters do we see in the show?" You know?

C: I feel like this is the first one, and then we get the gods that get fucking killed in "Hammer of the Gods."

G: Yeah. Yeah. Literally, at the top of my head, it's this and "Hammer of the Gods."

C: Yeah.

G: And it's like, "Oh, okay. Anything else?" [laughs] You know?

C: Yeah.

G: If we had like, a wide variety of South Asian characters in the show, and then we had one that was like, falls into a stereotype, and it's like, "Okay."

C: Yeah.

G: But obviously, that's not what the show is trying to do or did do, so.

C: Yeah.

So Sam shows Stewie the phone number, and Stewie is like, "I don't want to run this phone number and see who's used it, because it's like, ancient." And then Dean, like, Dean like, convinces him by like, threatening him sort of by saying like, "There's like, a bunch of like, employee code violations down here," and he, like, yells at him a bit. And Stewie's like, "Okay, fine." And like, Dean, like, smiles at this, like, proudly, and Sam, like, smiles back, like he's like, proud of him, too, which was like, alright, I guess. Is this just like, "Look! I did better than threatening capital punishment"? Like, "I did something that actually makes sense"? [laughs] Is that what his smile was?

G: Yeah. Yeah, because he's like, "Well, earlier I told a woman she would die. Like, she would die on the electric chair [C laughing] because she wouldn't tell us that she was receiving phone calls from an anonymous person. But now I'm doing much better!"

C: Yeah, "I'm just threatening to get him fired. That's like, fine, right?" [G laughs] Yeah.

I feel like all of these things are funny because we know that these are just Sam and Dean, but like, from the perspective of the people they're interrogating like, these are police officers, and they are like, threatening police force on them-

G: Of course.

C: - and that fucking sucks.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, it's funny from our end because of what we know, but actually they are- they suck for this. Like, really bad.

Stewie runs the number, and he gets that, "Oh my god! Like, it has been calling people." It's called ten different numbers in the past few weeks, and he prints out the addresses for them. And then Stewie goes like, "Okay, can you guys go so that I can continue jerking off?"

G: God.

C: And Dean's like, "Haha, so true, buddy! Let's go." Yay.

G: Yeah. Dean's reaction was so- like, he was like, "Hahaha. Yeah. Right. Jerk it off, king!" [C laughing] What's the deal?

C: What do you mean by "What's the deal?" Are we Deanstewie truthing? What's happening? [G laughs]

G: Well, no, I'm not.

C: But yeah, this is just like- I don't know, like, I guess this is what Jeremy Carver thinks bro culture is?

G: Yeah.

C: And maybe it is what bro culture is. I don't know.

G: Yeah. I had had someone like- I was talking to someone about like, "I want to text my ex!" blah blah blah, and then he just goes, "Just jerk off, man." [both laughing] So maybe it is bro culture.

C: Yeah. congratulations.

G: Yeah.

-

G: So we're at Sam, and he's visiting, like, different houses. And this specific house that he visits involves- A man opens the door, and there's like, a little kid who is playing with a ball, and he's looking at them, and then he goes like, "There's been instances of dropped calls and static noises and strange voices at the end of the line on the phones, and I'm part of the phone company, so I want to inquire about it." And the dad is like, "Well, I know nothing about it." But Sam catches the eye of this teenage girl in the back who's looking at him, all terrified. So he figures out that there's something there. So, as he walks out, the girl actually shows up before he leaves and says that, "You are not from the phone company because your car sucks [C laughs] and your suit sucks!" Go girl.

C: Yeah. And for clarity, he's not driving Baby because he and Dean split up, so Sam had to go and fucking rent a car.

G: He rented some fuckass car, [C laughs] and his suit is like, apparently so ill-fitting that this girl like, noticed it immediately.

C: I couldn't tell, but I feel like- I feel like if we took like, every suit that I saw in my life, like, Supernatural would make up a large percentage of the suits I've seen in my life [G laughs], so I guess my like, taste in suits is just fucked.

G: The girl continues talking to him and saying that "I didn't hear anything. I- um- there's no reason why I'm here, standing so uncomfortably in front of you." And Sam just says like, in a roundabout way, in a way where she goes like, "I didn't hear anything, okay?" And Sam goes, "Well, if you did, then I would tell you that..." And then he says that he's been there as well, there was a time where he was hearing things and seeing things that he couldn't explain, but he thinks he can help out. So the girl actually confesses to talking to her mom on the phone, her mom being dead for 3 years now. So Sam just reassures her that she's not crazy.

C: Misha Collins voice. [laughs]

G: [laughs] "You're not crazy"! Yeah.

C: Yeah. I liked this scene. I like that Sam got a moment to talk about like, his psychic past. I wish that we heard more about how he feels about his psychic past, but like, it's nice to have it acknowledged.

G: I thought it was actually quite funny, because, like, you know how we used to make that joke that every time Sam sees, like, a potential mirror, he's like, "Oh my god! A potential mirror!"

C: Yes. Yes.

G: And I was like, he's literally looking at this girl like, "Oh my god. This girl is literally a potential mirror, and I will fucking-"

C: Yes. "She's so me."

G: "She's just like me-"

C: "- for real!"

G: "- for realsies!"

C: Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad we got a Sam mirror in this episode. We've been missing Sam mirrors for a while.

G: Yeah.

C: Also the way that he says this, like, it sounds like he's like, extending schizophrenia solidarity to her, right? Which is why it's like, such a weird turnaround when he's like, "But you're not crazy. And I'm against people with mental illnesses forever." [both laughing]

G: You're right! Agh. R. -

C: - I.P.

G: RIP.

C: Yeah. Ugh, yeah. I feel like I've heard some decent analyses of like, the psychic kids being like, a schizophrenia allegory, because all of it happened when they're 22 and like, schizophrenia usually shows up in like, your teens or early twenties. But yeah, Supernatural could never, would never.

G: Yeah.

C: So we have Sam and Dean on a phone call together, and Dean reveals that, like, all the people who he hit up also had calls with dead people. He said that he talked to an 84-year-old who's been having phone sex with her husband who died in the Korean War. "It redefined my understanding of the word necrophilia." And as he says this, like, a hashtag hot woman, like, hears it and goes like, "Ugh!" as she walks past him, and then Dean turns around to check her out. Okay, cool.

G: Yeah.

C: It was funny, though, when she overheard and went, "Ugh." [G laughs]

G: Literally me at seeing Dean's face. [C laughs]

C: Saur true. So yeah, Dean hangs up with Sam-

G: [laughing] Did you just say- did you just say "four true"?

C: I said- I said, "saur true." One of my roommates keeps saying "saur true," and now it's made its way into my vocabulary, even though I fucking hate when he says it. He can't hear me, can he? [laughs] Anyway-

G: Literally saur true.

C: Right, so after Dean hangs up, he gets a call again. He picks up, and it's static, and then he hears Jeffrey Dean Morgan's voice [G laughs], or I guess John's voice, say-

G: J.D.M., baby!

C: - say, "Dean? Dean, is that you?" And Dean goes [G gasps], "Dad?" And the scene ends, baby!

Okay, wait, quick question.

G: Yes?

C: This is so Dean-centric. Who else would you like to have called? Like, my number one vote is for Jess to call Sam.

G: Well, obviously.

C: Yeah. But are there any other people that would be interesting?

G: I think-

C: I guess, like, Mary, but, eh.

G: Yeah, I think maybe... I forgot her name. Magdalene? It's not Magdalene.

C: Maddy?

G: Maddy!

C: Yeah, yeah. I also had Maddy.

C: If we're still doing Dean calls, like, I think Henriksen should just hit him up two episodes later.

G: "What's up, bro?" [laughing] And they should have phone sex-

C: [laughing] - necrophiliac phone sex, yeah.

G: [laughing] Maybe Victor can redefine necrophilia for him. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Also Ash.

G: Ash. Interesting.

C: I feel like because Ash was such a plot armor, helping them point to like, new demon things, I feel like he would have made sense there.

G: No, exactly.

C: I feel like there was a mismatch with like, John and then this whole storyline being about, like, Dean trying to get out of the deal. Like, I feel like if John's the one calling, it should be like, a family relationships episode and not a demon deal episode, you know what I mean?

G: Yeah. And like, John literally failed to get out of his demon deal.

C: Yeah. [laughs]

G: And like, when Ash died, he was like, gonna tell them something, and like, that continuation of like, "In my death, I will continue to tell you important things," that's like, a good continuation. I think Ash is actually pretty good, but obviously a less emotional choice. But it it would make more sense.

C: Yeah, for the story they're trying to tell.

-

G: So it goes to Sam and Dean, and this is why I kept on saying that it's fast-paced. Like, we don't hear the conversation between John and Dean, at least not until later, but like, it's literally Sam and Dean sitting at a table, going, "Was it Dad?" "Yeah, it was. Maybe it was." And then like, Sam asking, like, "What did he sound like?" And then Dean goes, "Like Oprah." And like, "Like Dad, obviously. He sounded like Dad." And he says that the call dropped after Dad said his name. Why am I calling him Dad? Jesus Christ.

C: You do this often

G: Do I? Like, literally, he's Dad to me.

C: Yes. You do this often, and then you say, "Why am I calling him Dad?" [G laughs] I've transcribed you saying this before, I think multiple times.

G: [laughs] Noo.

C: Something to look into, perhaps. [G laughing]

G: Something to talk about with the professional mental health experts in my life. [C laughs]

C: So real.

G: And Dean is just sitting there, super hopeful. He says, like, "What if it really is Dad? What happens if he calls back? What do I say?" And Sam just goes, "Hello?" [C laughs] And Dean gets super mad at this.

C: Yeah.

G: He's like, "'Hello'? That's what you come back with? 'Hello'?" And then he literally like-

C: Fucking leaves.

G: - grabs his jacket and just fucking leaves. He just gets out.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. And I mean, the next scene is him immediately coming back in [C laughs], and he was gone for three hours.

C: And they're totally fine.

G: Yeah. Which I mean is so true. Like, that's just how it is.

C: That is how it is.

G: He comes back, and he says, like, "Did you find anything?" And Sam’s like, “In the three hours that you've been out, I found nada." And Dean was like, "Well, you're looking in the wrong places. Look at this hotel brochure!" and he shows the hotel brochure, and he says that it's the birthplace of Thomas Edison, the place that they're in right now, and Sam reads something in the pamphlet that he's like, "Oh my god. This is unreal. You're kidding, right?"

C: Mm.

G: And then they go to a museum.

C: Yes. It's also very important that Dean says that Sam has a Stanford education and a high school hook up rate of 0.0. [G laughs]

G: Well. It's still super weird to me. Maybe like, with brothers it's different, but it's so super weird to me that, like, Dean's-

C: That they discuss their sex lives with each other?

G: Yeah. Like, why are you so invested? And like, I know the answer that a portion of the fandom would give to that-

C: Oh god, don't.

G: [sighs] It annoys me.

C: I mean, I think he's just doing the masculine posturing "you get no bitches" thing. Like, it's important to know where they stand in their "getting bitches" points so that they know how to make fun of each other.

G: Yeah. He has zero rizz, as the kids nowadays say.

C: Yes.

Also, okay, like, this episode is so "Sam to is John's son," you know?

G: I like his characterization.

C: I guess I get that it's just that Sam's more skeptical about the phone calls at all, but like I feel like they just- I feel like if they want to establish stuff, they still need some longer, more lingering shots on Sam's face to show that he's like, holding back certain emotions or something.

G: Yeah.

C: But like, it's just like, nothing.

G: Yeah, I mean, I like the line where Dean goes like, "Even in death, you're still like, going against him."

C: Butting heads.

G: Yeah. But like, that's pretty much it.

C: Yeah, that's pretty much it.

G: But I did like it a lot.

C: Mm.

So we're in a museum, and there's a tour guide going around, and she introduces them to Thomas Edison's spirit phone that he like, made to like, communicate with the dead, and when she's talking, she like, puts air quotes around things. She's like, "Did you know that he was in an 'occultist'?" And Dean whispers, "What's with the quote-y fingers?" And obviously, I screamed, "Cas!" forever, forever and ever. Did you al- You also thought about Cas at this point, right?

G: Absolutely fucking not. [laughs]

C: What? But-

G: No!

C: But quote fingers are like, a Cas thing!

G: I mean, I know it is, but like, I feel like it's over-exaggerated in fandom portrayals.

C: It is, yeah. I guess since I've learned things from fanon and not the actual show, it makes sense that that is something that I emphasize and you don't.

G: Yeah.

C: So yeah. I just- "My 'people skills' are 'rusty'" is just a very good scene, so I get it.

G: Yeah. I mean, does he also do it in like, "wavelength of celestial intent"? "I have been, for a 'year'-" like, he puts "year" in a quotation marks. [C laughs] He's so cute.

C: Does he?

G: I don't know. But like, so true of him. "I spent the last 'year,'" and I was like, "Okay, you're cute." [C laughs]

C: Oh, he's doing like, the old people thing where they use quotation marks to mean like, italics like, in texts. Good for him.

G: Yeah, I suppose, yeah.

C: Right. So she walks off with the group, and Sam and Dean inspect the spirit phone with an EMF, and there's nothing.

G: Nothing!

C: It's so- like, Dean's being so hopeful. He's like, "What do you think?" when like, Sam's waving the EMF, and there's literally no sound whatsoever. [G laughs] Like, he still wants Sam to tell him that, like, he thinks he's picking something up. And, I don't know. I do generally enjoy like, what they're doing here. Like, this feels kind of like Dean's "Houses of the Holy" in that, like, he wants to believe that it's a ghost so bad so that he can believe that it's actually John, but Sam does not get Dean's part in "Houses of the Holy," and it would be nice if Sam got more of Dean's part in "Houses of the Holy."

They don't really have a better explanation, and Dean believes that it's still John. And then we cut to night in the hotel room. Sam’s like, asleep in like, a white shirt. He's looking so cute. And the camera pan slowly over to like, the empty bed next to him, and then a table where Dean is sitting, like, drinking coffee to stay up, with his phone just like, sitting on the table in front of him. And this did make me emo. And the phone finally rings, and Dean like, goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. Like, okay, if you were in this situation, would you wake Sam up?

G: Well, I don't like talking to my parents. So yes. [laughs]

C: So true.

Yeah, I think I would wake Sam up also just because-

G: No, because like, he's also John's son.

C: Yeah, he literally to is John's son. It's just so weird that Sam never is like- Like, even just out of skepticism, it would make sense for Sam to say like, "Wake me up when it happens."

G: "I want to listen too," yeah.

C: "I want to check if it's actually him." Like, even if he doesn't care to talk to John, which I think he does also care to talk to John, it's so weird that, like, at no point does Sam experience the phone call.

He's on the phone, and he doesn't say "hello" like Sam suggested. He says, "Dad, is it really you?"

Something else that makes me emo about like, Dean's question to Sam being like, "What do I say?" like, which doesn't fit with the direction that they go in, is that like, I feel like my thing would be like, "What if he calls again? Like, how do I verify it's him?" Or like, "What does it mean?" or whatever. Like, "What do I say?" is such a like, "I already fully believe that it's him-"

G: Yeah!

C: "- and I need to know, like, what I can tell him to like, tell him more about my life, or to get closure, or like, blah blah blah blah," you know?

G: Yeah yeah yeah.

C: But then, like, the rest of the John plot is just like, Dean demon deal shit, which is like, completely unrelated to Dean's feelings. So that's odd. But yeah.

So, you know. "Dad, is it really you?" and John says like, "It is, but like, there's no way that you can be sure." And then he goes like, "Dean, how could you do it? How could you sell your soul?" And Dean says, "I was looking after Sam, like you told me to." Was that the reason?

G: I mean, no.

C: Yeah. No, but-

G: That's like, something he would tell himself, you know.

C: Huh. Interesting.

G: Like, he would tell himself that, that like, "Oh, I'm just looking out for him, just looking out for him." But really, the reasoning is, as we talked about before, quite selfish.

C: Yes. But like, he says it so fast and like, so like, seemingly sincerely that, like- Has he rehearsed this conversation in his head? Does he like, sometimes try to justify himself to John in his head already, like, with this certain action?

G: That's a sad, sad thought. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. It is. But yeah, I think it is so interesting that he just like, defaults to like, his like, "I'm just doing what you told me to" thing.

G: Yeah.

C: Is his main goal just like, he doesn't want John to be mad at him? 'Cause like, I don't know, he genuinely seems surprised that John is like, upset that Dean sold his soul, you know? Which-

G: I think like, because he sees himself as a weapon of John to protect Sam, right? Like, when they were younger, that's what his job was. So I think he really is surprised that John could be mad at him for selling his soul. To him it's like, "That's my job to be Dad's replacement, and since Dad sold his soul for me, aka us, then I should also sell my soul for me, aka us." Like, you know what I mean?

C: Yeah, I get what you mean. He's continuing on the family tradition and such. I also just realized in this second- How did John telling Dean to kill Sam, how did that not come up in this conversation? [laughs]

G: Oh my- holy shit! Yeah, like, "You told me to take care of Sam-"

C: "But you also told me to [both] fucking kill him."

G: "You told me to take care of him like how one would take care of a lame horse." [both laugh]

C: Yeah. That's the last thing John said to Dean, and that does not come up at all in this phone call. Well, that's Jeremy Carver.

G: Yeah. Maybe he forgot about it.

C: Yeah, I didn't realize- I didn't even have that question while I was watching it. Just like, this second, I was like, "Wait a minute. Shouldn't this be relevant?"

G: Yeah.

C: Huh. Well, Jeremy Carver put John in a role that is not really suitable for him. Yeah. And then John says some fake-ass, like, Azazel possessing him shit, where he says, "I never wanted this. You're my boy. I love you. I can't watch you go to hell, Dean." In Season 1, this would be Dean's like, "This isn't him" hang up moment.

G: Yeah, but he's still so convinced now, you know.

C: Yeah. And I guess the true last time he saw John was after he killed Azazel, when John came over and was like, "I'm so proud of you" and then spat directly in Sam’s face [G laughs], and then went into the light.

G: "I'm so proud of you, Dean. Sam? Goodbye." [both laughing]

C: Yeah. So yeah, I guess maybe he's like, "Well like, in death, John has let go of some of his like, sergeant drill master ways, and is like, open to telling me that he loves me and doesn't want me to go to Hell," which is, you know, a very high bar for a parent to reach. This is like, a really great feat that he has accomplished.

So yeah, Dean says, like, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to stop it." And John says, "Well, okay, I know that you don't want to, because Sam would die. But I know a way out for both of you, because the demon who holds your contract is here right now."

G: Yeah.

-

G: And our next scene is a scene with the girl that we were talking about earlier, Lanie.

C: Yeah. This scene is fucking terrifying.

G: And- It is. Like, Lanie is just chatting with someone, and then suddenly, her mom, the SHA33 number, like, starts messaging her, and it's like, "Lanie, is that you?" And then it's like, "I asked you a question last night."

C: This is on a laptop, which makes it scarier.

G: Yeah, it's like a desktop. It's a desktop situation.

C: Yeah, it's not a laptop. It's a fucking clunker of a guy.

G: Yeah. And it's like, "I asked you a question last night. Have you thought about it?" And like, Lanie throughout this just looks terrified, right?

C: Yes.

G: And she's like, "I don't know what you want." "I want to see you!" And Lanie types down like, "I went to see you at the cemetery," and she goes, "That's not what I mean." And Lanie just goes, "I'm scared." And then- Oh my god! This scene actually terrified me.

C: It's so fucking scary.

G: Like, I'm so scwaed! But literally, like, the chat goes, "Don't be scared. I'm right here with you." And then the webcam fucking turns on.

C: Mm-hm.

G: Ah! I'm getting the heebie-jeebies like, talking about it. The webcam turns on, and then, like, Lanie can see herself, right, on the screen. And then a woman walks up behind her - in a nightgown, obviously -

C: [laughs] In a white nightgown, of course.

G: And like, holds her shoulder. And she freaks out. She's like, "Holy shit," and she turns around, and obviously, no one's there. And then the screen just becomes black. She turns off the screen, so it's black.

C: Yeah, she turns off the laptop. Or desktop.

G: Stop calling it a laptop.

C: Sorry!

G: Yeah. [laughs] And it just types over and over again, "Come to me, come to me, come to me." And Lanie is just on the side, crying.

C: Yeah. Oh my god. Webcam horror is so fucking effective. I don't know why. I think it's just because my laptop is my little guy, and it's so scary, the idea that it could act against my wishes is so, so terrifying to me.

G: Yeah! Yeah, I think, like, the webcam thing is like, a real fear that people have. Like, you know how laptops nowadays have the lap- the webcam cover?

C: Yeah.

G: So like, it's tapping into that as well, I feel like for me, that like, people could be watching you. Like, it taps into that kind of anxiety as well. So it's effective in that front, although I suppose during this time, that was less of a concern.

C: Right, Edward Snowden had not said anything yet.

G: Yeah. So- yeah. I mean, it was scary, and like, talking about it, like, genuinely, I was like- because I have my back against the room right now, and I'm like, "Oh my god! Like,

this is so creepy."

C: Yeah, also, both of us are on our laptops right now, so that part is also scary.

G: Yeah!

C: I'm like, "Don't turn weird. Don't turn weird on me, bud."

G: When I said that like, "And then the webcam turns on," I looked up at my webcam, and like, because I have a webcam cover, you can see, because it's a different color when it's covered, and I'm like, "Wouldn't it be so terrifying if it like, just turns, like, if it just switches off."

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. It's effective horror. Like, the horror scenes in this episode are actually really good.

C: Yeah, like, you can definitely see why these people killed themselves. I would kill myself out of pure fear in this moment. [G laughs]

G: It's terrifying!

-

G: So our next scene is Dean like, in the motel room. Sam comes in, and Sam says that Lanie had a spook regarding her mom last night. And Dean literally just goes, "That sucks." [both laugh]

C: Not even looking up.

G: As if I just didn't have the most terrifying moment of watching Supernatural I've ever had in my life. [C laughs] But he goes like, "That sucks," and he says that he has been researching about death omens and like, demon omens, and he finds that the weather report corroborates the idea that a demon is following them in some guy's body. And Sam is like, "And it's following you because?" and Dean goes, "I guess I'm big game." And in that moment, I'm like, "I don't like this. I don't like that he-" Like, obviously like, the point of the scene is to show that he's being like, unreasonable.

C: Yeah.

G: But like, I don't think he would be to this degree.

C: Hm. Right.

G: Do you think so?

C: Huh, like, you think that he wouldn't believe that the demon's following him?

G: No, I think like, he would be more reasonable than this. Because, like, the way this is presented to us is like, it's fake.

C: Ah, yeah, the weather reports-

G: And like, there's no omens. Yeah, the weather reports. He's just seeing a pattern that's not there.

C: I- What I thought was happening was like, if this guy can manipulate laptops, I thought like, maybe he was just like, manipulating the weather reports that Dean was looking up.

G: Ohh, yeah. Maybe.

C: Maybe. But I don't know.

G: Maybe. Yeah, so Sam is very unenthusiastic about this.

C: Wait, you forgot when Dean said, "My ass is too sweet to let out of sight"!

G: I mean, it's a whatever line. [C laughs]

C: I guess it's a whatever line. I just feel like it holds intrigue in some of our listeners' minds, so it's good to point out.

G: Yeah. For the Deanfuckers in the room.

C: Yeah. You say as if you are not one of them.

G: And are the Deanfuckers [both] in the room with us right now?

C: Are they coming up behind us in the webcam? [G yells]

G: That's so creepy! [C laughs] And Dean- okay. And Sam is, again, very unenthusiastic, and Dean just goes like, "Well, don't get too excited for me, won't you?" And Sam clarifies that he really wants to believe, it's just that, well he can't. And Dean goes on that he has to believe because it's the only thing he has. Like, he- Like, at some point, Sam says, "You're just going into this with blind faith," and Dean says, "Maybe blind faith is all I have." And I love that line.

C: Yeah. It's fun. Again, this is very Dean's "Houses of the Holy."

G: Yeah, like, literally, he just wants to believe that it really is John that he's willing to ignore everything, including the fact that they don't even know if the exorcism- or this time, it's not an exorcism. It's like, it will kill the demon. They don't even know if it'll work, but Dean is like, "It will. I trust in Jesus and our Father. Our literal father."

C: Yeah, our father who art in Heaven now that he escaped from the Hell gate, hallowed be his name.

G: Yeah. And Sam asks like, "Did Dad tell you where to find the demon?" and Dean goes like, "I'm waiting on the call." And Sam, instead of waiting with him, goes like, "I told Lanie that I will stop by." And Dean gets mad at this, and this is when he says the line that we have been upset about earlier, the jailbait line. He says, like, "No, you go hang out with jailbait. Just watch out for Chris Hansen. Meanwhile, I'll be here, getting ready to, you know, save my life." I didn't even know that Chris Hansen was a How to Catch a Predator person. Yeah. But damn.

C: Damn

G: What an uglyass thing to say.

C: I know! I just, also, is he just like, making a reference? Like, just the way that he makes this reference makes me think he's like, anti-Chris Hansen. Like, he's anti- like, catching pedophiles. Or like, he's like, "Chris Hansen's overreacting." Like, that's just the vibe I get from that sentence. Jeremy Carver, what are you saying? What are you trying to do here? Yeah.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Sam just leaves. [laughs] I love that!

C: Yeah. Also, when Dean says that line- like, Sam has been heading towards the door, and Sam like, fully turns around and makes like, a "what the fuck?" face at him.

G: As he should have.

C: Yeah.

G: This is like, you know in Succession, when Roman was like- when Shiv goes like, "Oh, nice perfume. What is that? Date rape?" and then Roman goes, "You wish," and Shiv like, literally goes, "You wish??" [C laughs] That's what that reminds me of. Completely irrelevant to this conversation. I just wanted to bring up Succession-

C: Because it's coming back-

G: - March 26th, yeah. Literally.

C: Yeah. I understand. And they have paid us to advertise in the middle of our podcast [G laughs], our wildly, widly successful podcast.

G: They paid us unimaginable amounts of money.

C: I'm sitting on a pile of cash right now.

G: Literally.

C: It was a bank transfer, and then I went and asked them to make it all out to me in $1 bills, so I could sit in it, like a nest.

G: Exactly.

C: Yeah. So right. Also, Dean does not give a fuck that, like, all the people getting these calls have killed themselves and Lanie's mom literally told her to kill herself. But I guess Lanie didn't-

G: Well, no, only one- only one person has killed himself.

C: That's true. I feel like phone sex woman's probably fine. Like, it doesn't seem like that has been a direction that her husband has been trying to take her in. Maybe the direction there is that he's trying to give her a heart attack with the amount of phone sex that they have. [laughs]

G: Yeah, I mean, maybe the creature is like, "Well, she's gonna die soon, anyway. So might as well, you know. provide her with some-"

C: Nourishment before she goes.

G: Nourishment, yeah.

C: Yeah. So we go-

G: I wonder if it's like- I mean, the way the creature- I forgot the name, so I'm calling it the creature. What's the name?

C: Crocotta?

G: Crocotta. So like, the crocotta is the one talking, right? Or is it like, "I've conceptualized a being-"

C: When we see him make his calls, what he does is he goes up to like, a phone box and like, basically humps it. [laughing] He doesn't talk!

G: Well, he doesn't hump it. He just like, holds it in a way that-

C: He holds it- he arches his back in a way that's very literally uncomfortable to watch.

G: Literally. He literally arches his back. I did notice that.

C: He closes his eyes and like, lifts his like, neck up, and arches his back as he like, strokes the phone box.

G: He does do that.

C: And that is how he's making these calls. He doesn't talk. He's just like, psychically like- I feel like he's just like- I don't know. Like, he has powers that can like, read minds and just gives people what they want while also adding in "kys"? I don't really know.

G: Yeah, maybe

C: Because, like, this thing that he has setting- this thing that he's setting up with Dean and that other guy is like, quite clever, but like, from what we see of him using his powers, like, I don't know how much of the brain work he's actually doing for that.

G: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. Like, is it like, all his ideas? Or it's like, "I'm letting this concept like, run wild."

C: Yeah. I don't know. It's hard to tell. Because he does say later- like, when he's like, monologuing at Sam while Sam's tied up, he's doing like, the Internet data collection/everything's out there in a way that like- And he's like, "I found like, your number and Dean's number, and like John's numbers, and then I like, looked through your phones," so that implies that, like, he's just doing this based off of like, information he gleaned from their texts, you know?

G: Yeah.

C: But that's not what we see of him using his powers.

G: It's like- you know that like, Black Mirror episode? Like, it does make me wonder about that, like, how much of these people that they're talking to are actually the same personality, and how much of it is just hoping that they are the person that they say they are?

C: Yeah. Because like, when we hear Linda in the beginning, like her conversation with Ben is so nothing.

G: Generic.

C: Like, she's just some crying woman going like, [robotically] "I love you. Forever. Don't you love me, too?" Like, she's some, like, Tricentennial Electronics-ass - sorry, that's a Disco Elysium thing - like, just like, weird like, computer-generated, magic-generated, like, concept. And like, it seems like John just keeps hanging up randomly, and all he says is Dean's name, and "here's how you can go find this demon to die." So yeah, I feel like there's not a lot of the original personality in there. It's just that people's emotional attachments to these voices are so strong that, like, they're just willing to take anything and believe it. But yeah, I don't know how much like, of the power is like, him actually thinking and talking.

G: Yeah.

-

C: So we are at Lanie's house, where Sam is there, and we find out that Lanie has not told her dad about any of this because she doesn't want to bother him at work? [laughs] So true.

G: I mean, yeah. I mean, given that her mother died, that doesn't do wonders for the relationship between a father and a daughter, I feel like. [laughs] So it makes sense to me.

C: Yeah. Yeah. And she explains that her mom kept saying she wanted to see her, so she went to the cemetery, but then that didn't work. Her mom kept asking her to do other things, "bad things." We do a brief cut to her little brother's room. And his like, plastic toy telephone starts ringing, which I loved, I thought that was so fun.

G: Yeah. I do love it. Yes.

C: Yeah. Though I guess I don't know how that meshes with the lore that like, this guy's operating out of a phone company and that's how he's able to interact with all these things.

G: You're right! How is he able to call a toy that's disconnected from everything?

C: Yeah, I have no clue. The lore here is quite inconsistent, but like, just the image of that toy telephone ringing and knowing that it's like, a malevolent thing is like, very effective horror. I just wish that they had a better explanation.

So he picks up. He says, "Hello? Simon Greenfield speaking" in his little like, 7-year-old voice, which is adorable. And then he goes like, "Yeah, of course I want to see you, Mommy. Where are you?"

And then we have Dean getting called by fake John and fake John telling him where the demon is. And we cut back to Lanie, and she explains that her mom told Lanie to take all of her dad's sleeping pills, and she's like, crying at this point like, very distraught. And Sam's like, "Yeah, I don't know why your mom wanted you to fucking kill yourself." And Lanie says, like, "Just so I could come to her?" And Sam goes, "Wait, no. What was her specific wording?" And she says, "She told me, 'come to me,' like, a million times." And there's like, dramatic music, and Sam's face, and he goes, [dramatically] "Lanie. That's not your mother." [laughs] Whoo! Fun.

G: Literally. I mean, the "that's not your mother" line was like, "Oh, okay."

C: Like, we knew that already.

G: We have known that. But the way the dramatic music, blah blah blah, I was like, "Okay!" There's also- I forgot which scene it was, but there was a scene in the show where we had very dramatic piano music, and I was like [C laughs], "I love that." Like, I know we used to complain about the dramatic piano in this show, but like, I think it slays.

C: Was it in the- Are we talking about the one where it was the episode where Gordon is killed and Sam and Dean have an emotional conversation? I don't know if that's the episode that- I remember there being-

G: No, but there are other ones where we also talked about like, "The music here is so dramatic, and it takes away from the episode." But like, this one, the episode is like, creepy enough, and like, sometimes unserious enough to be able to balance it out.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah.

C: So, okay. And then right, we're cutting back and forth between, like, the Dean sitch, the Lanie's house sitch. Dean goes into some like, random house in the suburbs with all his weapons. Sam is like, walking out into the hallway with Lanie and telling her like, "Do not fucking touch like, any electronics," and then Lady looks into her brother's bedroom and notices that it's empty. And then we see Simon walking across the road, like, with cars going past, and like, honking their horns. And he's just like, walking forward, like, completely ignoring everything. In the house, Dean's like, setting up holy water, doing a devil's trap below a rug. And then we get Simon still walking across the road, and there's like, a giant truck that's about to hit him, and then Sam fucking runs across the road, grabs Simon, and like, throws himself back as the truck passes by. And that's fun.

G: And then the truck doesn't stop, like, at all.

C: Yes.

G: Not even like a "How are you?"

C: Yeah, no, he does not give a shit. The driver could not care less about any of this.

G: They don't give a shit. Yeah. But like, I was like, "Go Sam! You're so handsome, you're such a superhero."

C: No, literally. It's like, yeah, saving a child from like, a truck is just such a superhero move. And yeah, he looked good doing it. So, good for him.

-

G: So Sam at this point calls, quote, "Dean," and says that "It's not Dad, like, it's a crocotta." And then Dean is the one who tells him, like, "Ah, crocotta, that makes sense. Because, like, crocottas are like, scavengers who live in filth, and remember the flies in the telephone company?" And Sam's like, "Ah, gotcha. You're right." And like, it makes sense that he thinks that this is Dean, because he did tell Dean to stay put, right?

C: Yeah, he said, like, "Don't go anywhere without me. Like, don't listen to what the phone says." Yeah.

G: Yeah. So like, it makes sense that he thinks this is Dean. But alas, as we learn a little bit later, it's not. Because Sam, like, goes towards Stewie in like, an alley-

C: Oh wait, yeah, we should mention that, like, Dean is just like, completely like, unemotional about the fact that it wasn't John, and like, I feel it that is supposed to be our red flag that this isn't Dean.

G: Yeah, yeah. He's like, [flatly] "Ah, damn it, you're right." He's literally like that tone.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Like, "Oh, no."

G: Is Stewie trying to like, steal a car?

C: I don't think so. I think he's just going into his car.

G: It's his car? He's just having a lot of trouble-

C: Yeah, unlocking it? Yeah. You know.

G: As Stewie unlocks his car-

C: As Sherlock Holmes from BBC Sherlock would say, "He's an alcoholic, and you can see the scratch marks around the keyhole in his car." [G laughs]

G: Maybe you probably literally can. But like, he's trying to open this car, and then Sam jumps him, puts a knife at his neck, and is like, "I know who you are, and I know how to kill you." And Stewie's like, "No, no-"

C: Why does Sam assume it's him? Aren't there multiple employees?

G: No, because he's the one who was-

C: Oh, living in filth.

G: Yeah yeah yeah. And then he was like, "If we're overcharging you for the call waiting, I can fix that. I'm your friend!"

C: [laughs] Aww.

G: And Sam, of course, is very confused by this. And then suddenly, the guy from earlier, the manager, shows behind Sam and smacks him-

C: Something I want to mention with Stewie is like, okay, like, he keeps calling Sam "mister," which is- is that- I feel like when it is said by like, an Indian man begging for his life, and I just feel like- I don't think people call people "mister" that much, right?

G: No, no, no. I know what you're talking about. Like, it's a race thing.

C: Yeah. Like, it's very like- it just feels like, servile or whatever.

G: Do you think it's like, a part of the script?

C: Like, what do you mean? Like, they specifically put that there because they cast an Indian man, or?

G: Yes.

C: Maybe.

G: Or you think it's like an actor choice? It could be.

C: It could be. I really don't- I don't know how much improv goes into Supernatural. I guess we would have to see the original scripts. I don't know if it's there.

G: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think at this situation, it is like, a "sir" thing, like, "mister" is a little bit out there.

C: Yeah, and the "I'm your friend" thing too is also, like, it's funny, but like, it feels different when it's said by like, an actor who like, was born in India, and thus has an accent, and also is like- they just do like, a weird, like, emasculating, "I'm so sorry to these two white men who are threatening me physically; I'll do whatever," like, you know? Like, it's a weird vibe because of various traits of the scenes.

G: And I'm trying to think- I'm trying to think whether like, the saying that it's like- Because if they did this with a white character, it would still have the same effect of like, "Oh, this character is like, emasculated," right? Because I'm not trying to fight for my life, I'm not trying to negotiate, I'm scared, and I'm like, giving up immediately. Like, that's the vibe. And I'm trying to think, if like, they would do this with a white character that they're not trying to emasculate.

C: 'Cause I feel like the only other like, character, who ends up being like, a victim who like, they are doing mostly for humor is like, that guy in "Nightshifter," but, like, he had a very different vibe because he was all like, about trying to be a hero and shit, so I can't really draw many comparisons there.

G: You know what I could think of, though? "Hell House."

C: Oh, yeah.

G: They do this, kind of, to Ed and Harry.

C: With the ghost, "holy lord of the rings" whatever, yeah.

G: Yeah, they do this kind of to Ed and Harry.

C: Yeah, but do they beg for their lives?

G: No, with Ed and Harry, that's why I was clearing it up earlier that they wouldn't do this to a white man that they're not trying to emasculate.

C: Yeah.

G: That is the point of this kind of dialogue.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Anyway, the manager sneaks up from behind Sam and bonks him in the head. And to be very-

C: Yes, with a baseball bat.

G: Yeah. Or like, a pipe. I'm not sure. Is it a baseball bat or is it a pipe?

C: It's a baseball bat.

G: Anyway, Stewie is very happy about this. He's like, "Good job, Clark!" And then, "Thank you so much."

C: He also says, "That's what happens when you mess with the phone company." [laughing] Could they not just come up with a name for this company? Like, it feels so out of place. Like, "This is what happens when you mess with office!" you know?

G: "This is what happens when you mess with the one monopoly of the phone companies in the United States."

C: Yeah, that is such a monopoly that it doesn't even need a name because it doesn't require brand recognition to continue its cultural and economic relevance. [laughs] Saur true.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Clark is like, smiling menacingly. And Stewie's like, "Clark?" And then the guy bonks Stewie in the head.

C: Yup. Goodbye.

-

C: So we're at the basement now, and Stewie and Sam are all tied up to rolly-chairs, which I love. And yeah, Stewie's- they're just continuing the emasculation arc where they're also trying to make him a comedic character, I guess, where he's going like, "I'm so sorry, Clark, for whatever I did to you. Please don't hurt me." And then Clark, like, has a knife that he's like, holding over Stewie, and then Stewie turns to like, "There's a good man inside of you. You're not a killer" tactic. And Sam's like, "Please let him go," like, etc., and Clark is like, "Well, I would, but I'm starving." And then he kills Stewie. He stabs him in the heart with the knife. And he starts eating Stewie's like, life energy, and like, his mouth opens like, way too large, and like, and his teeth are-

G: And he also arches his back.

C: Yeah, he arches his back. His teeth look all like, gross. They're like, very long and thin, and there's like, viscera clinging to all of it. Yeah. And Sam reveals to the audience like, "Oh, that was- you were on the phone as Dean last time. you led me here on purpose." And Clark's like, "Yeah." And he goes over and starts making out with and humping a telephone exchange cabinet [laughs], in order to use this powers. And he's like, "Yeah, so I'm either killing your brother or another guy. We'll see how it goes." And we cut to another guy, and, okay, I did not know that he was a police officer, but the transcript says that he's in a police locker room.

G: He is because he is with- he's sitting with a police officer.

C: Oh, I thought they were just like, vibing. I thought that they like, just both went to the same gym. Okay. [laughs] So yeah, he's a police officer, which, okay, makes sense. Because I was like, "Why wouldn't he just call the police on Dean being in his house?" But I guess if he is the police, then that makes sense.

G: Yeah.

C: So his phone rings, and there's this little girl who goes like, "Hi, Daddy!" And he says, like, "Hi, I thought you promised that you weren't gonna call me anymore because this makes me so sad, and I'm so upset, and I was so sad at your funeral." And she's like, [cheerily] "Yeah, I know. But I know who killed me, Daddy. The man who killed me, he's at the house right now, and he wants to kill you, too!" Sounding very cheerful, but yes.

G: I love it. I loved it!

C: Yeah. It was great. Shoutout to this child voice actress. Good for her. And he's like, "Okay." And he starts heading home meanwhile.

G: Sam says that, like, mimicking Dean was easy, but like, "The way you mimicked our dad, that's a trick." And Clark reveals that like, he figured out that they were hunters, and then he just found Dean's number, and then, like, everybody else's number, and he got contact with like, the voice emails and everything, which is what Crystal said earlier, which is what you said earlier that, like, he literally just found all these information from the Internet or like, from a database or whatever.

C: Uh-huh.

G: Which is very interesting, and we've talked about it quite a bit earlier. But like, this is not how information works, right?

C: Like, as in like, he couldn't get on a laptop and get all these things?

G: No, like, are they really stored? Like, your phone calls are recorded and stored?

C: I think, actually, what he looked at were emails and voicemails.

G: Oh, yeah.

C: I mean, the US government does wiretap phones in our country, so that information is probably stored somewhere. But yeah, I think he was looking at emails and voicemails.

G: Yeah, so not phone calls.

C: Which means that he got all the demon deal information from voicemails where Sam's like, "Hello, Dean. I am calling you about the fact that you sold your soul for me. Can you get back to me next week about this?" [laughs]

G: Yeah! [laughs] That's so funny! That's so fucking funny.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: And Sam says like, "Dean's not gonna fall for it. He's not gonna kill the guy." And then the guy says, "Well, that, or the guy is gonna kill him, so."

C: Oh, also a visual detail that happens at the beginning of this phone scene is that, after Clark takes the knife out of Stewie's chest, he, like, shoves him away on the rolly-chair, and like, he goes into like, another room and hits a wall and stops, and I found that image like, so like, creepy. Or just like- I don't know. It's like, a good way to show like, how evil Clark is because it's like, the horror of like, the sanctity of like, a corpse being violated, and also something that's dead moving when you feel like it shouldn't be moving like, seemingly on its own. But yeah, I I thought that that was a good choice.

G: It was particularly brutal, I feel.

C: Yes.

G: I mean, I know he got stabbed in the chest, but, like, the removing the knife and then pushing him away was like, "That's brutal. Don't do that!"

C: Yeah, that was like, pretty bad, and I feel like- I don't know. Like, the history of corpses and Supernatural, I feel like the ones that get like, defiled in some way after they actually die, like, I feel like there's just been like, this guy, and maybe, like, Gordon, we get the shot of like, his head on the ground, which is quite like, bad. And I feel like most people that die- yeah, like, it just feels like, a weird racism thing that like, the only corpses that get-

G: No, they do it last episode.

C: Oh did they? Wait, what did they do last episode?

G: "Ghostbusters"? "Ghostfacers."

C: Right. Corbett's dressed up in his little hat.

G: Literally, Corbett's gay body [C laughing] in a hat, dressed up and so miserable for a party.

C: Yeah. That is true. Right, okay, but I guess, I feel like if we have to tally up which, like, corpses Supernatural think are like, sacred enough to not do anything bad to them, and which ones like, it's okay to do something bad to them afterwards, I don't know. I feel like could be interesting data.

G: Well, I mean, it's not like, they're showing this and being like, "Well, it's a good thing!"

C: "This is good." That's true. But I think it's also like, we didn't really talk that much about like, the Henriksen toilet drowning, but like, I feel like there's like, a level of like, dignity or a level of like, "We won't show that because it's too bad" that Supernatural has about its horror and its gore.

G: Exactly.

C: And their, like, threshold seems to lower more often for people of color.

G: Yeah, that's- I think that's a better point than like, the point earlier.

C: Yeah, I think that is really what I mean.

G: This one was like, this one was more brutal than we're used to. Like, remember, when- you know how, when stabbing occurs, usually it's like, cut away? But like, this one was like, front and center, he gets stabbed, and then you can see the light get out of his eyes, and then like, he gets pushed around after that. You see the lifting out of the knife fully. You know, stuff like, that. And it's like, "Okay, this one, they really want you to see the violence."

C: Yeah. Interesting stuff.

G: Anyway, Dean's guest has arrived, and there's actually like, a lot of tension. Because he doesn't know that the guy knows that he's there, so he's waiting by the door, and he's like, "Why is he not coming in yet?" And then the guy busts in, rifle in hand, and Dean just about dodges before he gets shot. And they're just beating each other, and at some point, Dean gets the upper hand and beats the shit out of this man, and you, the audience, can feel like the like, "Noo! Noo!" like, that is how you feel. And I think it's so effective in that way.

C: Right. I do have a question about the styling choice here. This guy also has short brown hair, and is also wearing jeans-

G: Yeah!

C: - so there were so many points in the fight scene where I was like, "Wait, who's winning? What's happening?"

G: Yeah, that's true. Like, there are points where you're like, "I don't know what's going on, just that somebody is getting beat up, baby!"

C: Yeah. I don't know if that's like, intentional, as like, a "Look, they're the same because they both are confused-"

G: A parallel?

C: "- and they don't know what's going on, and they've been manipulated into hurting each other," or if they just like, didn't think hard enough to make them visually distinct during the fight scene. Not sure what they were going for.

G: Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, in the phone company, the crocotta is like, "Oh, I used to only feed like, twice every year. But now, like, I get to eat all the time, and it's because you people are so distanced from each other. [C laughs] You people are like, using technology to become closer, but it has driven you farther apart." And it's like-

C: This is so funny. Okay, Jeremy Carver. Write a thinkpiece about this.

G: Okay. [laughs] Yeah, it's funny to me that that was like, the thing that they were fighting for. He was fighting for that. He was like, "Technology is actually bad for you guys, and that's why I can murder more people." [C laughs] And also, I found it interesting that he's the opposite of the spectrum in terms of like, how modernization has affected him as a creature. Because almost everyone else is like, "Oh, life has been so much harder now that people worship other things or think about other things." But he's like, "Oh, life has actually become easier because I've adapted to the technology."

C: Yeah. Yeah. That part's interesting. But the rest of it is like, "Yeah, Jeremy Carver, this didn't have to be in your show. Like, you know you can publish op-eds elsewhere."

Oh, right. Also, a little bit about crocotta lore is that like, these were like, written about in like, bestiaries by like, Roman, and like, Greek so-called scientists or philosophers and shit. And in the original writings, they were like, "This is a creature that looks kind of like a cross between a dog and a wolf, and it lives in either India or Africa, and it can mimic human voices, and then it draws them out and then kills them in the night." And, like, I think what people have sort of decided is that what they were doing was just like, taking hyenas and like, messing them up down the telephone pole, you know? Like, they were just talking about hyenas but mythologizing them. Which I think is so fun.

G: Because they laugh like humans?

C: Yeah.

G: That's the thing about hyenas, right? Yeah. Have you- is that- I don't know. Have you interacted with one? Is that the proper term? Have you seen one?

C: A hyena? I have not. I don't know if they're in any of the zoos near me. I haven't been to a zoo in so long.

G: But aren't they like, wild animals that, like, you can see in the wild? As in, in the neighborhood?

C: Not- I don't think they live in the US.

G: They don't live in the US. Okay, got it. What- Coyote is what I'm thinking about.

C: Oh, yeah. I've seen coyotes. Right, which I feel like is a detail I would-

G: Is it coyote?

C: Coyotes?

G: Yeah. [laughs]

C: Are you gonna say that that sounds gay?

G: No! I'm just saying like, I said coi-yo-tee because I don't know how else to pronounce it.

C: Yeah, okay.

G: That's not something you want to hear.

C: 'Cause when I said "machete," you were like, "That's such a gay way to pronounce it. 'Machete.'" [G laughs] So I thought you were gonna go, "That’s such a gay way to say it. 'Coyote.'" [laughs]

G: Yeah. So real.

C: But yeah, hyenas do not- I don't know of any in the US. I've not encountered any. Society if Clark was just a hyena. Or if he just turned into a hyena. But Supernatural's just some guy-ism will never allow us to see a dog. [G laughs]

G: Well, we will, a couple of seasons from now.

C: Oh my god. Fuck. "Dog Dean Afternoon"?

G: I'm still repping that episode, man. [C laughs] I know it has problems. I know it has issues. I'm willing to turn a blind eye.

C: I- yeah, I'll know what I feel about it when I get to it.

G: Yeah. And basically, as Clark is about to like, eat Sam, Sam escapes from his ties! And he beats Clark. And then they're just like, fighting. And as they're fighting, Dean and the man are fighting, and the man- Dean throws the man into the rug, which under it is the-

C: Yeah, the devil's trap.

G: The devil's trap, and then he starts reciting the death for demons recital. [laughs] I don't know what to call it.

C: Yeah, the exorcism thing that John gave him on the phone.

G: The not-exorcism. Yeah, the not-exorcism. And the man is like, very confused, like, "What is this? What are you doing?" And then he starts walking, and then he says, like, "Is this is how you killed my daughter?" And then Dean, like, gets confused by this, and then notices that the man is stepping out of the devil's trap, and then he goes like, "How did you do that?" And he realizes that, "Oh, shit! This man is not a demon!"

C: Yup.

G: And then he goes like, "I made a mistake. I made a mistake." And the man was like, "She was nine years old!" and that actually made me sad.

C: Yeah, like, I actually was emo about that. Geez.

G: Yeah, like, Sam ends up killing Clark-

C: I love this kill. It's a rusty nail-ass kill.

G: Yeah! In a rusty nail situation.

C: But through the neck, baby!

G: It's one of those like- literally, the visual of a man being held on his like, base of his skull, up after dying. Like, that's the thing that's holding him up.

C: Yup. Yeah.

G: That's so cool. Yeah, I just wanted to say. Anyway, back to Dean and the man.

C: Oh, well, specifically, we didn't explain how the kill works. They're like, fighting, and they're like, near a shelf with like, hooks on it, for like, hanging things up, and Sam fucking like, slams this guy's head back into the hook, and it stabs him through his neck and he dies. It's great.

G: Yeah, it's so cool. Anyway, the man goes- Dean and the man are like, on the floor now, and then, the man is like, hitting Dean, and he's saying like, "She was 9 years old!" and Dean is saying like, "No, I didn't kill her!" And then he manages to turn around the situation where he's standing over the guy, and then the man is still crying, going like, "Why did you kill her?" And Dean just says, "I'm sorry. I didn't kill your daughter." And the man goes, "What are you doing here, then?" And Dean just goes, "I don't know." And I felt more emotion in this scene than in any other scene in the episode, which is impressive, given that, you know, it's a John episode.

C: Yeah. But you know.

G: I felt so much in this scene.

C: Yeah. Do you think this guy's a good actor?

G: Because child death-

C: Yeah, child death is pretty bad?

G: No, no. Yeah, child death is just sad because, like, I have children in my life, and like, the the concept of like, a child dying is so harrowing, and like, this man like, when he was crying, he was like- You know, like, when his child called him, and he was like, "You know this makes me so sad," like, the fact that he probably entertained like, talking to his kid until he realized that he literally can't do it because it just makes him so devastated. Like, the idea makes me so sad. So I think that's why this one really hit me.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Agh. Good stuff. So-

G: The case is good this episode.

C: Yeah, I think that this is a good case. Because it's a good monster. Like, it allows for a lot of emotional, like, whatever.

G: Yeah.

-

C: So in our last scene, so we see, it's a mirror shot of Dean like, like, wiping some of the blood off of his face or whatever. And then Sam enters behind him, also bloody-faced, and we see him in the mirror. And Dean says, "I see they improved your face." And Sam says, "Right back at ya." We don't- honestly, the whole time this scene was going on, I was like, "Why the fuck are you sitting here? You have to get out of town before that cop Dean beat up comes and tries to like, arrest you." But I guess we're just supposed to assume that they had a conversation where they were both like, "Well, I totally believe that both of us got tricked by a monster over the phone. Sorry for beating you up! Bye, bro." But okay, sure. Whatever. If they say that happened, why not?

So Sam and Dean go sit on their beds, and they have an emotional conversation while looking forward and not at each other, like men do. [G laughs] And Dean goes-

G: Yeah, this is how we have emotional connection- This is how we have emotional conversations. We look at the same direction [laughing], we don't make eye contact, and I berate you for ruining the mood. [C laughs]

C: Yes. And we do not talk about boy bands.

G: Literally.

C: So Sam says, "I'm sorry that it wasn't Dad," and Dean's like, "No, it's okay. I was like, kind of an asshole about that situation, and you were right." And Sam says, "Fuggedaboudit," but in his normal voice. And Dean says, "Well, I can't, because I just wanted to believe so badly that there was a way out of this," which is like, the general message of the episode, but still feels like a mismatch with John being on the phone, but whatever, I've complained about that twenty times already. And he says, like, "I'm staring down the barrel at this thing, you know. Hell, for real, forever. And I'm scared, Sam. I'm really scared." And the transcript says he's tearing up, but he fucking isn't. Sam's the only one actually tearing up in this episode, because Jensen Ackles can't act.

G: [laughs] Okay.

C: So Sam's tearing up at Dean's words, and Dean says that he was willing to believe anything because it was the last act of a desperate man. And Sam tells him that there's nothing wrong with having hope. Dean says that he "can't expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute," which I thought was an interesting line. I wish that there was more buildup to this, but, like, we do see like, in Season 1 like, how much faith Dean has in John as a hunter, and how much he thinks that, like, in "Home," for example, that, like, John will be able to come in and save them, so this like, makes sense, but I wish it was a sentiment that he had expressed earlier in the season that, like, part of him was just hoping that someone would come in and fix everything, and that someone would be John. He says that the only person that can get him out is him, and then Sam says, "And me." Which I like, that is what I assumed would be the next line. Like, that seems fitting. But Dean's immediately like [mocking Sam], "And me? I was having a deep revelation and a real moment here, and that's what you come back with?" And Sam goes like, "Do you want a poem?" And Dean goes, "No, the moment's gone." But, you know, they're like- the tension is relieved, at least. And then Dean turns the TV on, and we can hear the dialogue there. And it goes like, a man- It's like an old-timey movie sound. Like, in the audio quality, and also that everyone has a vaguely transatlantic accent. Yeah, and I think the last line of the movie that we hear is a man saying like, "Oh, I'll be around long enough for you and I to... Ah. I'll be around." So, you know. Themes or whatever.

G: Aww.

C: Yeah.

G: That's sad.

C: It is sad! He does literally die!

G: Damn! It's like, he does die at the end of this season.

C: Yeah [laughs], he fucking actually dies.

G: Like, he's actually gonna die.

C: Yeah.

G: It's like, unreal right now, but he is- this ends in death.

C: Yeah. In two episodes, he will die, for realsies.

G: He will be mauled to death.

C: Yes.

-

G: Anyway, what are your final thoughts?

C: I don't- I feel like I do like this episode generally, but it has a lot of weak writing points that we've already pointed out. And yeah, I don't know. I think it's fitting for where it is in the season, but I also hope Jeremy Carver dies. So, you know. [G laughs]

G: I mean, it's okay. It's not my favorite episode. It's not the worst thing in the world. But it's also getting there. [both laugh] That's my opinion.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. So what's our next segment? Haven't done this in a long time.

C: Best Line/Worst Line.

G: Best Line/Worst Line. Best line... I mean, my worst line is the platinum subscription line. I don't like it.

C: Yeah, that is also my worst line, followed by jailbait.

G: Yeah. I think my best line is like, "Why did you kill my daughter?" "I did not kill your daughter." "Then what are you doing here?" "I don't know." Because, like, the "I don't know," that line specifically, like, Dean realizing that he got tricked, Dean realizing that no one's gonna save him, that he's probably really gonna die for fucking real. Like, "What are you doing here?" "I don't know." And like, it hit me so hard that, like, he was so hopeful. And now all that hope is gone.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. [both] Sad!

C: Huh, best line...

G: What's your best line?

C: I did like Sam's little monologue to Lanie about how he's been where she is, like, hearing things and seeing things that can't be explained, and maybe he would be able to help out a little bit, because I've missed Sam seeing a mirror and running right to said mirror. And I think I also liked the line that I pointed out earlier where Dean says like, "What if he calls again?" And Sam's like, "What do you mean?" And Dean says, "What do I say?"

G: Yeah.

C: I feel like those were both emo moments for me. Good character moments.

G: Yeah. Damn. We got spreadsheet next.

C: We do got spreadsheet next. [laughs]

Misogyny. Present. How much misogyny? 2?

G: I would say it's not intrinsic-

C: Yeah, that's true.

G: We have "overall good," "casual," "intrinsic to episode." I feel like we've never followed this in our fucking lives.

C: Okay, I never followed the little scale that I have on the side. [G laughs]

G: Okay, so let's just go with it. I would say, I'll put 2 in misogyny because it's not particularly intrinsic to the episode, but it's reprehensible.

C: Yeah, there's just like, a lot, and it's very like, "What the fuck? You can say that? Why did you say that?"

G: Yeah, yeah.

C: Yeah. Racism, present.

G: Present. And kind of intrinsic to the episode.

C: And kind of intrinsic to Stewie's character, and also, we never want to see a BAB mention.

G: So I mean- but like, the last time we gave a 3, it was with Gordon.

C: Yeah, I don't think it's there. But also like, maybe we should have given higher than a 3 for Gordon.

G: Yeah. But, alas, we already did it.

C: Yeah, we'll change our weighting next season. So I guess we should probably do a 2 for racism as well, then.

G: Yeah. 2.

C: I feel like we are-

G: Homophobia, there's one.

C: The panties line with Sam?

G: Yeah, you think so?

C: Yeah, I think so.

G: Okay, let's put 1 there.

C: Sure. Let's put 1 there. I feel like we've been like, way, more like, generous with our misogyny and homophobia points than our racism points, so yeah, that's something else to change next season. But yeah, okay.

G: Yeah.

C: 2, 2, 1. Jeremy Carver's not looking good, folks.

G: Yeah. [laughs]

Well, what is our rating for this episode?

C: IMDb.

G: Our rating guess for this episode.

C: I guess it's probably just like, smack dab in the middle, maybe a little higher than average because people like, like when John shows up, right? So maybe just like, 8.4 or 5. Which one? I'll do 8.5 Why not?

G: Okay, I'll do 8.4.

C: Okay. Cool.

G: Okay. Damn! This one's low!

C: Oh shit, like-

G: It's 7.8.

C: Huh. Really?

G: People hate it.

C: Were people just still so mad about "Ghostfacers" that they were just like, low-rating all of these, or like- Let me see what the actual grievances were. Is it the racism?

G: Yeah, I don't know. This one literally says like, "On 'Houses of the Holy,' Sam was the believer, and now it's the opposite."

C: Right.

G: "Sam was a bit too cold on dealing with Dean's blind faith."

C: Was he? He seemed normal enough.

G: The pacing! They talked about the pacing, which I mentioned that I didn't like. This one says that the monster of the week is quite good, however, I guess the rest of it isn't. [laughs]

C: [laughing] One of these reviews has the sentence: "We live in such a society." So true. We do live in such a society.

G: And we truly do live in such a society.

C: Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. This person says that they feel like Dean's daddy issues were processed in season 2, so they feel like it's unlikely that Dean would fall for this in season 3. I don't know if that's true. I think Dean will have forever daddy issues.

G: Yeah. This one says that the monster is cool, but the monster itself, like, the concept is cool, and what he does is cool, but the monster himself is like, whatevs.

C: Mm.

G: And I do agree.

C: Yeah. Well.

G: Yeah, I think that's it.

C: For this episode of Busty Asian Beauties.

G: Yeah. Next week, we will be discussing Season 3, Episode 15: "Time is on My Side."

C: Oh no, is Bela gonna die?

G: Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

C: Follow us on social media! I hope Bela never dies. She is still alive in my heart. We are on twitter at twitter.com/BeautiesPodcast and on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #BABPod, B-A-B-POD. And thank you to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod. And also, check out our merch at babpod.redbubble.com.

G: Yeah! You can email us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[guitar music]

[burr-ell]

Honestly, imodna would be a good ship if the shippers/stans weren’t so damn insufferable. I also hate how they act like they are already canon and you can’t ship Imogen or Laudna with anyone else in the group. People got so mad when the conversation in the dust storm happened with Ashton and Laudna because people thought they were flirting. Or when on the first episode of 4 sided dive Marisha asked Robbie if Dorian’s crush was on Imogen, people got so mad at that! I also hate that they call them lesbians when THEY HAVE BOTH EXPRESSED HAVING FEELINGS FOR BOYS! Why can’t they be bi? Or Pan? I also hate how people read into Laura’s micro expressions/ movements, like last episode with the whole leaning shit “oh what was that lean Laura?!! Imogen wanted to kiss Laudna because look at Laura’s lean!” I dread the day that Imogen or Laudna fall in love with someone that’s not each other(especially if that person is a man.) because Marisha and Laura will harassed and hated because they didn’t give the people what they wanted.

oof. that's some frustration you really needed to vent, nonnie, and honestly i get it. full disclosure—my mutuals who are into imo/dna are all lovely, and none of them engage in this behavior. if imo/dna becomes canon, i'll be happy for (and potentially even happy with) fans like that. but enough shippers are doing things like this that it's becoming more and more of a source of frustration and friction as the campaign goes on.

i think a lot of fandom—in general, not just cr—still doesn't want to acknowledge that at the end of the day, they are looking at things like shippers, with a particular kind of confirmation bias. it doesn't make them necessarily wrong or right, but as easy as it can be to get swept up in it, i think it's important to take a step back every once in awhile and re-evaluate.

now admittedly, generally speaking, it takes a lot for me to get really invested in a ship; i usually only have one or two per fandom, even fandoms with tons of characters. i'm generally pretty passive about most ships if it's not the otp; like, vax/leth and pike/lan, for example, didn't need to be romantic endgame for me to enjoy CR1 (and honestly might have been more interesting to me if they hadn't), but perc/ahlia absolutely made the show for me and i honestly think them being together actively strengthens the narrative as a whole.

i say all that to say that for the most part, i very much consider myself to be along for the ride with respect to most relationships in most fandoms. if such-and-such pairing happens, great; if they don't, okay. and with CR in particular, it's such a long-form medium that i know going in that any romance is going to take a while, and most of them probably won't just reach out and grab me.

and as such, it absolutely baffles me to have seen shippers insisting, from the moment the characters first appeared in episode 1, that not only are imogen and laudna canon endgame, they're basically already together and just haven't admitted it yet. i feel this way about dor/ym and callow/moore as well—i saw a post making the rounds that claimed that all three of those ships are "not canon YET but let's be real" and like...why would you set yourself up for disappointment like that? because yeah! all three of those ships could be endgame! but they could also not be endgame. we're less than 40 episodes into a campaign that'll probably run well into the 100s.

i also fully agree with you re: the microexpressions and the cherrypicking, and i feel like a microcosm of this issue can be found in a conversation imogen has with orym early on—shippers latched onto the fact that imogen compares laudna's thoughts to music, something that finally brought her peace after the chaos of the world around her, and completely ignored the part immediately after where imogen says that the rest of the party also feels like that to her. i didn't even know that imogen said that about the whole party until i watched the episode, and to me it's an example of how shippers tend to warp canon interactions to suit a particular narrative in such a way that they become almost entirely divorced from their context.

and from the outside looking in, what confuses me about this sort of thing is like...didn't y'all already go through this? because if my understanding is correct, c2 ship discourse was full to the brim with beau/jes and wido/jest fans dissecting "laura's microexpressions" to prove that jester was for sure in love with our fave, really you guys we swear...and then not only was that not true, but jester also didn't even know about beau or caleb's feelings to acknowledge them at all, and from the actual words that came out of laura's mouth in various OOC moments like on TM, laura just...really really wanted to romance her husband's character in her dnd game and like, that's it. there was never going to be another romantic option for jester as long as fjord was on the table, and that was something that shippers always should have been taking into account.

laudna and imogen are canonically deeply important to each other. they love and appreciate each other very much. that love and appreciation could turn into a lovely romance with a great dynamic, and i certainly don't blame people for being invested in it. but it also could not be romantic endgame, and they remain friends or even get with other people. and as you said, fandom can and will turn nasty about their ships being sunk; we've already seen it happen. there's a certain smug, entitled undercurrent from that particular corner that i have very little patience with, and while i think there's something to be said for deciding to enjoy things in spite of the fandom and just be a cranky old curmudgeon shooing the wank out with a broom, i also understand the response of just "...aight, imma head out".