#and why tf am i so nervous about the semester starting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

Text

even more prompts catchup

April 5th: What was school like for you, or what is it currently like for you if you are still in school? Elementary, high school, post-secondary?

i Hate/d school lmfao......like i do Like To Learn and Know Shit, and of course Sometimes / on some occasions it was like, hey i'm having a good to pretty great time at school, but those were usually Special occasions or teachers going out of their way to give us you know, fun projects / go beyond the Standardized Testing curriculum, which natch they couldn't always do / did require sort of going Above & Beyond, rather than being the constant, guaranteed experience of like hooray for school......it's like, oh hooray re: the Play Scenes my fourth grade english class did that was like, an Extra thing, where we got to audition and i just had a great time like oh right, clearly Theatre in retrospect, or hooray re: the field trips, or projects we did In Class, since i hated homework.......i was always that accursed (i mean, not accursed for Me, but) combination of "really a terrible student but also gets great grades" lmao i forever do things Last Minute but like, when i was At school, in class, i'd just power through whatever work there was then & there usually, and in middle school would sometimes do hw on the bus, as i was the last on the bus route to be picked up in the morning or dropped off in the afternoon, but as soon as i got home i was in Home Mode and yknow. didn't just sit down and continue School Stuff asap. also hardly ever Studying unless it's the night / morning before a test lmfao but i had a great memory for that stuff, so studying that last minute was like "yep, i Do remember this from going over it 2 seconds ago" so yknow, despite hating school / no good Study Habits(tm) or anything, i did fine. i also read a ton, at home or at school and at any other point. so i was also like, quiet and generally ~well behaved~ or whatever lol (the like "how are kids (or anyone) supposed to stay focused and on task for 7+ hours a day..." thing), segue into next paragraph

i also remember like, 3 day a week preschool being the first time i was, you know, in some sort of School and also around other kids that much, i did have this sense that like, somehow there were Rules that i wasn't following, not re: Classroom Rules or something, but wrt socializing with peers, like that everyone else had something going on in how they interacted which i wasn't gonna get right, & i had this sense of like, not really being Allowed to interact lmao, even being 4 years old i have a few distinct memories re: this of like, a) choosing to play by myself in the classroom or when outside, and b) my "best friend" being the one person who just like, chose to hang out with me lmfao, but i was like oh cool Having A Friend lmao, like i didn't Not want to have friends, i was just already aware of like, i don't feel like i can just up and interact w/these people and i don't feel like they want me to, and c) re: that being aware of whatever Rules Of Interaction existing and that i wouldn't meet them / abide by them and thus there'd be some kind of repercussion for not meeting those rules, and not being allowed, i remember that like. there was this other indoor playspace in the lower level and there were toys i wanted to play with but Refrained from, and it was like, why did 4 yr old me get the idea i Wasn't Really Allowed, and most of what i can theorize is that it was like, well other kids might want to play with that, and the Normal / Better kids should get priority lmao, and/or being nervous that it just might otherwise lead to some sort of Interaction i wouldn't feel ready for.....and d) sitting at a table with like whatever 4 or 5 other kids or something and amongst ourselves someone was like "oh put your foot in the middle if you're [x]" and i tried to join in on a technicality lmfao and also just in, you know, active efforts to be Participating with these other kids on their terms, and it did not pay off, something that repeated uhhhhh, forever i guess lol. insert that post like can allistic people be normal for 5 seconds.....

like in elementary school i wasn't really making friends either, incredibly, i was Amicably Tolerated by many people then & like, again also at any point after at least lmao (and it helps that i was generally in teachers' good graces, not that i narced on anyone ever, but i had like, my Niche as the Academically Successful One, and also i was the kid who draws, another shoutout to some post and tweet about how being The Drawing Kid was like, some measure of respect but also disdain lmfao...) and sometimes people would again like. choose to interact with me repeatedly, and i'd sort of be nonplussed at best b/c it's like, okay thanks but in this situation i didn't Choose this any more than i choose [Trying to be in the group but being rejected/excluded], so it's kinda weird, i was friends with someone for a few years in elementary school but we just were Coincidentally in the same class for those years, when we were in different classes in 3rd or 4th grade and just weren't seeing each other it fizzled out, in middle school i made another couple friends where we were all being Funny lmao, but i didn't go to high school, so once again we weren't seeing each other, and [At School] was where i always had most Interactions with people, didn't see people much outside of school even if we were hanging out / being friends During school, for [a whole tangent] reasons, so. guess the good news is i'm still in touch / friendly acquaintances with some people from school from college, but even then, there was Some more social success or whatever, but not all That much, and i was still unhappy like, not having many friends, often being like "i'm going to the cafe a block away b/c i have no social occasions here and i want to get out of the dorm / be around people," that if i was with more than one other person i could end up the third wheel friend lmao or nobody is paying attention when you talk or oh no i put myself out there hanging with a friend group but maybe people thought you were a joke or something, thanks. smh

and that like, speaking of college, i went early but this was, for my part, truly primarily driven like "well i hate school so if i can Not go to high school, okay" and like, while i got in and everything it was still like "tf is college, i've never known what i Want To Do so i wonder if i'll figure this out, but i'm not expecting to last past the first semester / year b/c this is college and i'm a terrible student actually lol" but then turns out i kept doing well enough like A's & B's like oh woops i guess i'm still here, then, hope i can figure out what tf "credit hours" means (finally did lol).....then sophomore year was a bunch of just Agonizing over "what tf do i major in," something i never figured out, wherein i might bring something up & it got parentally shot down like "never heard you talk about that" like what tf Did you hear me talk about? are you thinking i had my life figured out by age 9, b/c i didn't think that, i'm only 15/16 even Now, even being the Regular college age it's like, nobody's figuring their life out then. also i didn't tell my parents things, so. and then i settle on something that sure, Might've been of interest, but also it was like, a) a program that barely existed and req'd taking classes at a like 30 min away campus and also the head of department had Just retired and the most heinous teacher in the related fields was now in charge, brilliant and b) the sort of thing you'd just wanna start taking prerequisites for like as soon as you set foot on campus, like, great. and c) i was like, hardly feeling all the Academic Ambition anyway b/c i never had, b/c i hate/d school, and b/c i still didn't Know what i wanted to major in, and i was stressed n depressed and also realizing oh right, i'm not cishet, and oh right, i'm never going to get along with my family b/c [long tangent] reasons and that's kind of concerning, here i am impending Being 18 and like, how do i get out of this b/c it's becoming clearer that i'm not just gonna start getting along with the 'rents now that i'm not an elementary schooler and also now that i'm realizing the Reasons being at home sucks. guess i learned stuff in college lol but also it was like, the experience of getting to be Away From Home and existing every day without parents literally / figuratively over my shoulder at some point every day, and getting to do shit on my own and figure things out while Not At Home.....i also had a lot of fun taking a couple classes from this one music prof lol. he was this weird really enthusiastic and really knowledgeable guy lmao like great, these evening classes where we go over to the arts building and he plays things on the piano off the cuff and tells a lot of tangential stories while we're learning about like, beethoven technically, or folk music. didn't need those classes but they were great, i've had these teachers who were totally into whatever they were teaching and had a great time with that

also acknowledgment to the fact i was a No Extracurriculars person all through school, k thru 6 and college alike really, although i took dance class for that k thru 6 period, just that was separate from school actually (and another fun "being away from home" thing and Theatresque performance thing i enjoyed) but besides that it was like, how do i figure out what i want to do without committing to joining this whole thing, i don't know How to sign up for stuff really either, and it'd probably entail "asking for stuff" and needing to coordinate more rides and etc and that's just a hassle, and i wanna go home from school asap anyways, and then like, when it came to college, i was again at first thinking like "well idk what i'm doing and i hate homework so i'll probably mess it up in this first year anyways" and figured that doing anything Extra outside classes was just gonna be too much, and also, it's like, i've never been in these kinds of groups before and why am i gonna start in college, where there'll probably be all these people who Have done this stuff before, and are also 18? e.g. even though it was like "hey you're away from home and don't have to ask/tell anyone else anything to do this club stuff or whatever!" supposed ideal environment for trying stuff out, it was like, maybe i'm theoretically interested in auditioning for the fall theatre production, but the last acting experience i had was like, "2 month drama class in middle school" or "that 4th grade [section of a] play" so like, not really Any education or experience or Training re: any of that stuff, and a bunch of 18 yr olds who might've, or [age peers] who were theatre people who had already done stuff so they weren't getting Lead Roles or anything but they were getting cast / taking classes / joining an a capella group while i'm like right on, i'm over here with some sort of Grade Honor Society (??) saying my gpa qualifies me to join and be able to experience some further academic rigor/requirements lmfao and i'm like absolutely not. get away lol. anyways so bit of a chaotique Post K12 Zone Education Experience there lmfao, all kinds of things i'd Like to Learn and even take classes on, but didn't like, right i love learning languages but never took classes, love math and shit but only got to a certain level of calc and even then seemed to miss some Lore, never did anything re: theatre, etc and so on. so you wonder if some advantages re: high school would be like, more chances for those extracurriculars (or regular curriculars) but, as though i wouldn't have the same qualms about getting in on any of it, and as if i wouldn't've still hated school but also still been at home, F. and i think people can be a lot more normal to each other when it's college and you're Not stuck in one building together 8 hours a day lmao, got some gentle "occasional Bullying style attention" in middle school, but had juuust enough like, [that Niche of good grades / kid who draws] and people who Were friendlier to me that it was you know, unpleasant, but didn't have to be that huge a deal, and then i was outta there soon enough. also, in college many people are 18 or older, as opposed to 11 to 13. anyways the rest of my school story was that in the end the problems were "i don't know what i want to major in and also now's a worse time than ever b/c i've realized my existence At Home is untenable, and naturally i am quite depressed & stressed about things, and i gotta say absolutely virtually every adult presence was either totally unhelpful to Counterproductive here lmao, like, not much anyone could do really but it's helpful when someone is like, i'll treat you like a person vs simply just going 'uh why are you not doing the academic stuff good enough'" lmfao like. the whole time Not having friends i'd wanna talk to through class and happening to get good grades in part b/c i somehow Could as easily as i did and also i was afraid of getting C's or worse b/c "tfw i wasn't even yet in a grade that gave you A thru F grades yet but my older sister caught shit for getting a C

like :/" and etc means adults are like My Student Is Fine, and also, what are you gonna do even if they aren't, i guess. i just had to figure out completely for myself Why and How i really wasn't Fine and that was quite difficult and also took a long time. then there was a mutual prank of "i drop out of college at the tail end of things" and "now i have to be at home with parent/s more resentful of your obvious Waywardness (insert: not being cishet, and the fact it occurs to me that my being autistic was always causing 'problem' behavior i was getting shit for like, the whole time lmfao, even if nobody knew / labeled it like oh this is for ND reasons, or if it was both true i tried to come out (smh, thought i Had to b/c that was part of Not Being Cishet) and it was simply ignored / unaddressed and yet it sure fueled further specific resentment of my not Performing Gender properly, or "worse," so that went well, in that i eventually abruptly left and did not maintain contact, in the interest of "the levels to which i was thriving was like, that if i bailed and like died 50 hrs later it'd still be what i want to do," true to that i did not / don't regret it. and what do you know, i was first able to bail to a relatively nearby friend from college's home, whose family also liked me lmao. shoutout to school still being where i made Any friends, except a friend i made who was a coworker of several years. and Online Friends, which, another school connection, that like, i can more readily Connect w/people via talking about interests, something that happened Sometimes at school in person lmao but not much, but also that i Talk About Interests in a way through Drawing, which, well shoutout to doodling in the margins of papers throughout school lmfao, it didn't hurt! that's my saga.

oh and that footnote, i also really enjoyed the "in middle school you either take language classes or 4 Electives you rotate through each year" and those electives sure featured some more varied and hands on activities i had a great time with. shoutout to like, cooking, and to shop class, my Car Designs were great apparently, idk how. shoutout to my Intuition re: engineering or something lmaoo.....very fun to just end the schoolday in that big garage space where you could actually open that garage door right to where all the buses were, beautiful. Oh, and that's another footnote, when my last class of the day in 8th grade was english, i'd sometimes finish work early and my teacher would let me go to our spacious library, with the v nice librarian who'd recommend books to me she thought should be checked out more often b/c she knew i liked to read that much, and also just generally had teachers / other adult staff kinda wandering in at the end of the day, talk about "i don't really relate to other ppl my age" where i did generally prefer to be around adults, so that was fun. oh and also shoutout to hating school lmao wherein during like, middle school when the schoolday started at like 7:30am or smthing disgusting and i just learned to like, view whatever time it was in a "at least it's almost [x]" like well okay, first period is math and that kinda sucks but at least once it's over this hardest part of the day will be over, then next class is kinda more chill at least, and then it'll be the last period before lunch, etc etc etc where i could sort of keep up that stamina like telling myself at any point it was Almost [a more encouraging time of day] lmao like. kinda fucked up to have to be dragging yourself through the weekdays like that, but

Oh! goddamn and i didn't even get into that if i ever got in ~trouble~ in elementary school it was stuff like Not Paying Attention, but where half the time that might be some other kid beside me messing around lmfao and i'm not gonna be like "uhhh follow the rules!!!" (and that even when i was In Trouble like go sit in the chair where you have to be quiet there for like 10 min i might say something to some other kid in that zone and they'd be like "um it's the quiet chair you have to be quiet!!" or "uh we're getting into the next lesson and you have to put that book back asap" like wow these other kids are dweebs about Rules lmfao) and there'd just be times like, it's 1st grade and i know how to read pretty well already but we're going over the alphabet like stoppp i know the Phonics already........or the ways ND people can kind of Intuit some stuff more successfully, like in third grade learning multiplication i neverrrrr studied but just broke it down like, okay i remember the Fives b/c of telling time, i know the 2x table and stuff, i know the commutative property, if we're all the way at the 8x and i haven't Memorized stuff, i can still like, break it down to say, [5 x 8] + [8 x 2] or something when i see 8 x 7, even if it takes a second lmfao.......and stuff like the tragedy of when i Did make a friend in like, 2nd grade, who i think we didn't even talk to each other ever?? i was playing legos or smthing by myself once during Indoor Recess and she just started playing agreeably along with me, aka someone socializing on My Terms apparently as our Introduction, and we just were friends past that but one time, not even during a Lesson Session, we were messing around quietly making each other laugh as the incredibly important process of "put papers in your folders" was going on, and since we were Not Paying Attention for some reason the teacher made a whole example of it where i had to carry my desk across the classroom for the Shaming Element of it and also so that i had to permanently sit way further from that friend, so that was kind of discouragement re: interacting at all. thank you to that teacher, who'd later once Gesticulate to me from across the gym that i should put my arms down at my sides rather than being crossed (we were rehearsing some class performance) & i had no idea what she was trying to convey, so afterwards she told me i had to have Reduced Recess Time or some shit because of Ignoring her instead of putting my arms down lmfao. and i was irritated at having been misinterpreted / my Intentions dictated to me and punished like that, but i was also used to it from adults lmfao and did not bother explaining myself lol like yeah god forbid i left my arms crossed on purpose and now i have to read some more during recess. tl;dr school has so much nonsense & i def had some Times re: being autistic & also just being someone who hated school forever lmao, think it was Also 2nd grade where one arbitrary sunday night i just cried out of frustration at having to go back for another normal school week. classic. oh and that also, while i wasn't like "oooo booksmart people who hate not having a Definitive Correct Answer to things &/or ohhh autistic ppl So Good at math, in a way everyone hates and disrespects, but they suck at Literature/Arts which requires you to reflect on humanity and shit," like, not only was i the drawing kid but i was also apparently ahead of the curve as it were at like, Literary Analysis lmfao where there was a few times in elementary school i'd be the kid providing the Interpretation like "what's this poem about / what's the theme or Symbolism in this story," but from elementary school to college it's like, for god's sake don't ask me to come up with a story / work with some really open ended prompt, i don't Invent in that way, and when i try to draw on Inspiration i'll get stuck on some specific source and be unable to do anything but just rip it off really lmao. but then again i was prolific in "it's 1st grade and you write and illustrate a little short story or smthing in these booklets

that we then have a simple little binding process for" like ohhh fancy, i got a tootsie roll lollipop at Awards Time for writing a shit ton of those lol. but that's like, when you're too young to have that much of a Creative Process anyways lmao. but then, my older sister, whose Thing was writing, has an incredible 2 Volume like, noir mystery saga from those elementary school times, it's a classic lmao. anyways once again so much to say about School lol closing the door after meandering on that one for this long lol

April 6th: Are you able to drive? If so, was it difficult to learn? What was difficult about it? If not, do you use any alternatives?

i did learn to drive, tbh just universally it's like, at any point you're driving there's A Lot to pay attention to at once, even if you think you're Good At That or whatever, which i sure don't think i always am lol, and it's pretty wild we just, you know, let everyone go around as fast as they want in machines that can kill you or someone else, and this is also Unnecessary b/c like, let's have accessible & reliable public transit so that everyone can travel without Needing to have a car / someone else who will drive them. i didn't think i had too much trouble learning to drive, but it had to help that i just took it very seriously from the start lmao like, well, i'm quite aware i could kill someone with this. the driving classes i took were alright, i remember the instructor being pretty chill and friendly lol. rip to the fact i could be tense when driving with parent/s, when driving a manual i'd always like screech the tires when accelerating out of a Stop, until all at once it was like "and i'm driving that manual car alone on a road trip & wouldn't you know it, only literally once did i have that issue of not getting out of a stop smoothly enough" lmao like the Anxiety......really like yeah i had an alright time learning and think i'm solid enough at driving / like doing it, theoretically, but Driving Is Wild just in general and let's have that public transit

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

i think i Usually get what people mean with these Devices but i can't really say lol, but anytime you know, someone is being more Implicit in what they say, plenty of times i can infer one implication and only later realize they probably meant a different one, or yknow, i make whatever initial inference i make and can be stuck like "???" and have to like, mentally run diagrams about the interaction lol......meanwhile i'm not always remembering that like, if i'm shifting context mentally that's necessarily able to be inferred by whoever i'm talking to lol, whether it's about getting into some adjacent topic or like, i don't think it tends to be very clear even in person when i've started being sarcastic lmao, like i know that can be true for anyone but it's like well, guess i gotta make it clearer i'm doing a bit......flipside of that or something lmao that people are more Obvious than they think they are sometimes about like, idk, when someone is sort of making some sarcastic remark to you but the sarcasm is also sort of only to themself, aka just like okay i know you mean this more dismissively / disparagingly than re: what you're saying just at face value lol like. just always fun >:/

#30daysofautismacceptance #2021 #you know that Read More means especially a saga even by my standards lmfao

2 notes · View notes

strawbewiminki · 4 years ago

Text

Roommates for life

Characters: Mingi x Y/N

Support: Yeoju x Yunho

Word Count: 2,226

A/N: Short story,, please show some love. dont’t mind the picture above, i can’t see blue haired Yunho together with Mingi.

Chapter 1

“Y/N, have you seen that guy? That tall guy with bluish hair?” – Yeoju, my best friend, asked with a wide smile on her face

“What? Who?” I asked, I was busy looking for my pen. We were in line at registration office for 2nd year curriculum.

“That guy” He pointed at the guy who looks like an idol, tall, with white complexion and yes has bluish hair. Yeoju’s eyes are sparkling.

“Oh, I don’t know him, do you know him?” looking at him while he was walking towards the guy that I’ve been liking for the past year. Song Mingi, my blockmate never in my life that I talked to him, he looks intimidating because of his eyes but he’s a soft boi I know it deep in my heart.

“Yes, I know him, he is Jeong Yunho my future boyfriend, he’s bestfriend is your boyfriend in the making” Yeoju smirked and laughed carelessly which resulted that those guys been looking at us.

“Yah! Yeoju-ah, keep your tone down, look! Those guys looking are at us whispering” as I whispered to Yeoju, Mingi’s been looking at me like I’ve killed a person.

It’s our turn to register to the registration office, we are in window 1 and Mingi and Yunho are in Window 2.

“Miss Y/N, please write your details here, give it back to me asap” Ms. Registration In charge

“Okay, Miss. Thank you” I am urgently looking for my pen, because the line is getting longer, Yeoju keep on poking me and handed me a pen when I was about to say something, someone spoke:

“Just give it back to me at class” OMG??? Is that M-m-mingi?!! I was dumbfounded and so is Yeoju, we look like someone stolen something from us,, yes our hearts. Just when I was about to say something they walked away and Yunho, smiled at Yeoju.

Yeoju keep screaming “Y/N! Y/N! Did you saw that? Yunho, oh my god, Yunho smiled at me!!! Today’s going to be a great day!” Yes, it was going to be a great day. I am keeping myself to scream, I’m so happy, that I wanted to call my eomma.

We were on our way to our classes, take note we we’re smiling from ear to ear, Yeoju’s been jumping and greeting everyone a good morning even though she doesn’t know them. We were looking for our class, new semester, new subjects and new classmates. I am wondering if Mingi and I will be blockmates again. I stopped walking when I realized something.

“Y/N why did you stopped, are you hungry? Yeoju asked.

“I just realized, Yeoju-yah do you think Mingi recognized me?”

“OMO, he recognized you for sure! Your future boyfriend finally notices you” I’m so happy I wanna cry.

“Yeoju-yah, please hold me, my legs are shaking” She holds me as we arrived to our designated room.

We find a seat near the exit, there’s two vacant seats next to us so we put our bags there so we could sit comfortably, we were writing our details for a subject requirements when someone talked to Yeoju.

“Hi, is this seat’s taken?” some guy spoke to Yeoju

“Uhmm no, you can have it.” Without looking at them, Yeoju continued to write.

“Yeoju, please lend me your red pen, I forgot to brought my pencil case” someone sit beside me.

“Yeoju, why’d you change your seats, go back to your sit?” no response

“Yeoju-yahhhh” then I look to my left side

seat --> I - I YJ I Me I - I exit door I

“Yeo—Mingi-ssi???!!!!” I was so shocked, I looked to my right, and Yeoju is busy talking to Yunho. That bitch!!!!

“Uhhmm, Hi. Sorry. I didn’t notice you, I thought it was Yeoju” I was nervous. My heart’s about to escape.

“No problem.” Mingi answered.

“Okay class, I’m professor Kang, this is your first day right? Since you barely know your seatmates take a good look on their beautiful faces, because you’ll be seating with them the entire sem” W-WHAT??? IS THIS FOR REALS???

“What?” classmate#1

“Awwwww” classmate#2

“Okay” classmate#3

Then here’s Yeoju’s response “Thank you, Professor. I love you!”

The prof chuckled and answered “Looks like you liked where you sit, huh?” he asked to Yeoju.

Yeoju just realized the situation then look at Yunho’s reaction, when he saw Yunho’s smiling, she began to smile from ear to ear.

“Yeoju, you really are thicked-face, I can’t believe you.” Yeoju just smiled. A smile that will haunt your dreams at night.

“Well, that’s how love works, you know” she points to Mingi using his lips, and I turned to my left to see what he was doing. When I turned, I saw his face so close to mine. Is he looking at me this close?

Mingi spoke, breaking the ice “Uhm, s-sorry. I was just asking for my pen. If you’re already done using it”

“Ah ah-yes, thank you for lending it to me earlier” I was nervous to death and shy at the same time.

Professor spoke “Students, have you already know your seatmates’ name? Your seatmate will be your group partner for weekly activity, and you’ll be forming groups by four, you decide who will be your group mates. This subject is knowing yourself, so be prepared”

Yunho spoke “So I guess, the four of us will be group mates?” Yeoju, smiled as expected.

“Yes, I guess so. Is it okay to you Mingi-ssi and Y/N?” Yeoju asked

“Uhmm, I’m okay with it” I answered.

“I’m good with it” Mingi answered, too.

“Great, can we exchange numbers for future purposes?” Yeoju asked. WHAT A THICKED FACE (WHAT A NICE FRIEND)

“Here’s mine Yeoju-ssi 010-1683-xxxx” Yunho willingly gave his number.

“How about you Mingi-ssi?” Yeoju asked enthusiastically. WHO WOULDN”T BE HE HAS HIS CRUSH’S NUMBER???? She looks like she could conquer every problems that will come to her way.

“Here 010-1684-xxxx” Mingi answered, Yeoju saved their numbers to her phone. I pretended that I didn’t see Mingi’s number so I just shrugged.

“Y/N aren’t you going to save their numbers?” Yeoju asked innocently.

“Ahh, I will. Wait let me take my phone” I start to copy Yunho and Mingi’s number and when I finished saving them, Mingi spoke.

“Call me.” Mingi said. I was dumbfounded, so as Yunho and Yeoju.

“Huh? Pardon?” o.O

“Call me now, so I could save your number” IS THE GATE OF HEAVENS OPENING?

“Uhhm—okay” what was that???

**dialing Seatmate Mingi-ssi**

Mingi peeked at my phone “Seatmate Mingi-ssi?”

“Huh?” confused me

“I got your number Y/N-ssi” Mingi answered.

I am dumbfounded, my soul has left my body. Yeoju has been poking my cheeks. I AM HAPPY!!!!!

“Sir, can you please explain how we can decide to group ourselves into two?” some girl at class spoke

“tf isn’t that’s too easy?” - Yeoju mumbled, but duh she is right. It’s easy.

“For example….” Prof looking at us

“You, Mr. Tall boy sitting next to exit, please stand up” prof asked Mingi to stand up. So Mingi, stood up.

“Who do you think your partner is?” Prof asked. So we are looking at him. God, my neck is aching this boy sure is tall.

“This girl, Y/N-ssi” points at me

“Miss Y/N-ssi please stand up, why do you think Mingi-ssi picked you as his partner?” my confused self, answered.

“Because Mingi like her” Yunho whispered to Yeoju, those two scumbag laughed like I didn’t heard anything

“Because I sat beside him?” I answered

“Yes, you are right. You two may seat down” Prof answered. Before he proceed to explain our groupings. He said something that made Yeoju scream like a murderer.

“By the way Ms.Y/N and Mr. Mingi, you sure don’t know each other? You look so good together.” Professor smiled.

“Yass!!!!” Yeoju screamed, Yunho laugh like there’s no tomorrow. Me and Mingi? WE ARE SHOCKED WE CAN’T LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

“Okay that’s it for today, guys. See you next class”

“Bye, Sir Kang” We bid our good bye to our prof.

“Bye, Y/N and Yeoju-yah. See you next class” Yunho said. This guy is so good looking.

“Annyeong, Yunho-yah. See you! Bye bye Mingi-ssi” Yeoju said, this girl sure is a flirt. Lol I also bid my good bye to Yunho-ssi..and Mingi

“See you next class, Mingi-ssi. Thank you again for lending me your pen”

“No problem, see you too, Y/N-ssi. Yunho-yah let’s go, stop flirting.” Yunho was startled and stopped talking to Yeoju. Wow they are that close already?

“Y/N, aren’t we so lucky today? Our crushes talked to us, is our classmates, our seatmates and most importantly we have their numbers. Aren’t we God’s favorite child?” YES GOD REALLY LOVES US FOR BLESSING US TODAY!!!

“Yes Yeoju-yah! I’ve been keeping myself from screaming. I am so happy, Mingi-ah my long time crush finally notices me.” I wanna cry.

“Girl, are you crying?” Yeoju asked while we are walking outside campus

“Huh? No. Btw, Yeoju what was that earlier?”

“What did I do?” Yeoju asked

“You yelled ‘Yass’ what were you thinking, are you insane?” Yeoju burst out laughing, her water spilled because of her demonic smile

“What? I’m just happy that our Prof has good eyes for seeing the best couple next to Yun-Ju” Yeoju proudly announce their love team.

“Whatever, Mingi-ssi doesn’t like me, so quit it. Let’s go pack our things; we have to find room to rent.” Yeoju fought with our landlord because one of her son flirted with her and when she rejected him he got mad, then he tell his mother crazy things that we are bringing boys to our dorm so we got kicked out. DUH how is that even possible??

So while walking, we saw an advertisement posted on the bus shed.

“Yeoju-yah look, someone is looking for Roommates. Wanted 2 Roommates, preferably studying at Now University please call 010-1685-xxxx for more inquiries” wow this is amazing, God is really great, his blessings are coming to us non-stop.

“Call them now, we need to found a place as soon as possible, and I hope that room is affordable too”

“Okay, I’m going to call them now”

**dialing 010-1685-xxxx*

*ring ring*

*finally picks up*

*woman answered*

“Hi, good afternoon. We saw your advertisement regarding the room for rent, is it still available?”

“Hi yes, it is still available, are you studying at N.U?” ahjumma asked

“Yes, we are 2nd year college students” I answered, I heard ahjumma chuckled. Did she say “thank goodness?”

“Okay, I’ll text you the address. I’ll expect you anytime soon. Thank you”

“Yes, thank you too.” Ends call.

“Yeoju, ahjumma texted the address let’s go there now.”

“Okay. Gajaaaa!” Yeoju-yah exclaimed she sure is happy.

*clicks doorbell*

*woman with primitive eyes opened the door*

“Annyeong, are you the lady who called earlier?” ahjumma asked, she is beautiful, she remind me of someone. She looked at me shocked for a second.

“Ah yes, I’m Y/N, 2nd year college from Now University”

“Hi imu, my name’s Yeoju, Kim Yeoju.”

“I’m sorry I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Song Hae Won, I’m the owner, but the room isn’t here, it resides near your school. I just wanted to meet you both, well, when do you want to move there?”

“ASAP, imu” Yeoju answered.

Ahjumma chuckled “Okay, here’s the key. You can move today or tomorrow I’ll just inform my two tenants there, don’t worry those 2 are good people.” This imu is so good; imagine she already gave the keys without talking about the payment first. And take note, she said we can pay her by the end of the semester.

“Thank you so much, imu. We’ll visit you some time.” Yeoju said

“Thank you ahjumma, you are so kind, can you please adopt us?” Ahjumma laughs, swear she resemble someone I know, I just can’t remember who.

“Y/N and Yeoju-yah can you please call me, eomma or imu, I’ve always wanted to have a daughter.” Imu said.

“Yes, we can Haewon eomma!” Yeoju and I shouted.

After talking with each other and eating some cookies Haewon eomma baked, we headed to our old dorm to get our stuff so we could move in with the new house.

After packing we decided to move out of that hell of a room, and it’s already 8pm we need to hurry up so we wouldn’t disturb our roommates when we get there. We’re very excited.

“Yeoju, don’t you think Haewon eomma resembles someone?” I asked because I can’t move on, my mind’s keep thinking who it was

“Y/N, yah I know, I just can’t say his name” yeoju-yah answered,, we kept thinking until we realized that we arrived at the house.

Yeoju ring the doorbell when I screamed.

“Yeoju-ah! I know who resembles eomma!” the door slowly opens

“It’s Mingi-ssi!” Yeoju shouted, she is facing the door while I was facing at her sidewards.

“Yes! Haewon eomma, resembles Mingi-ssi” I happily shouted because they really resembles each other

“No, Y/N. It’s Mingi, look” Yeoju points at the man who opened the door.

“What are you talking abou----? WHATTTT?!” MINGI IS THE ONE WHO OPENED THE GODDAMN DOOR

Mingi is our roommate? Someone slap me hard please. Is this real???

To be continued...

#ateez #ateez imagine #ateez mingi #ateez yunho #ateez atiny #ateez yeosang #ateez hongjoong #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #ateez seonghwa #ateez jongho #kim yeoju #ateez reader #ateez story

6 notes · View notes

aimlessinspace · 5 years ago

Text

Updates!

I passed my prospectus!! So I am now officially the most advanced form of Proto-Doctor!

Teaching has started this semester. I give a First Meeting “Quiz” to my students asking the highest level math they have taken (the astronomy lab I teach is for non-science majors, so I like to get an idea of where to meet the students) and if there is anything else they would like me to know (nicknames, etc). Two surprises.

1. About a third of my students have taken calculus!

2. About another third of them told me they are nervous/scared about taking a science class.

I am delighted by the first surprise and super bummed about the second. I don’t know if this is a result of “Big Bang Theory” BS of scientists are assholes? It is cool if other people love the show - I mean...I watch Dancing with the Stars so who TF am I to judge television choices? - but I do not like that that is the representation of scientists people have in their minds. If you already knew this stuff, why would you be in my class? And who the hell is anyone to make someone feel bad for not knowing things? Isn’t that the whole point of school...to learn new things? The attitude of elitism in science MAKES ME SO MAD!!! I am going to say this loudly and slowly....

SCIENCE. IS. FOR. EVERYONE!

And if you disagree, you can fight me!

#adventures - the phd edition

10 notes · View notes

deepdickdaniel · 7 years ago

Text

Hwang Minhyun | Host Club

prompt: you don’t really know how you ended up at your school’s host club...but the second you see hwang minhyun, you know that there has to be a reason.

note 1: so i’m turning my original daniel host club scenario (found here!) into a full series for all 11 W1 members! the first four bullets will be the same for each member’s scenario just to remind you all of the host club’s mission.

note 2: for whoever doesn’t know what a host club is, it’s a place where people pay to be entertained by male hosts! a customer usually pays to talk to a specific host of his or her choosing and talks/flirts/jokes around with him for however much time is paid for! the host club i’m writing about is mostly based on ouran high school host club.

your school’s host club was a new addition to the…extracurricular activities that one could partake in

you heard that there were eleven different hosts that you could choose from

each host was specifically recruited by the mastermind that came up with the idea for the club

and each host had a specific charity that he would donate his proceeds to at the end of every semester

you watched as one of your friends was dragged to the host club by your friend circle, and before they could pick you as the next victim, you just decided to go by your own free will

when you got to the doors, you let your friends choke on the perfume while you hid and giggled behind them - you were a bit smarter, tbh

you watched your friends pick their hosts and you debated on who you should pick, because no one really stood out to you?

but then a tall, black-haired gentleman walked in from the bathroom exit at the back of the room, wiping his hands on paper towel and then throwing it out

he straightened his black blazer and tie - you were amazed how he could make such movements seem so gentle and refined, despite them being so trivial

you knew then and there that you had to have him as your host

you saw how a few of your friends noticed the newcomer as well, but you practically slid into his eyesight and appeared in front of him

his eyes widened in surprise at your boldness, but he smiled kindly at you nevertheless

“hi, i’m minhyun. am i your choice to keep you company today?”

honestly, you were pretty shook™ too. you didn’t know what came over you and only when minhyun spoke did you realize that you didn’t even try to be subtle...

after talking for a bit, you noticed a stack of books at the side of his coffee table and nodded your head towards it,

“do you read a lot for fun?”

minhyun’s princely demeanor faded a bit as his cheeks reddened and he coughed to hide his embarrassment

“ah, yes. sorry about that, i didn’t have time to put them away after i got here from class. i can do it now if you’d like...?”

you shook your head faster than humanly possible, “no!!! i want to know what kind of books you like reading, it’s nothing to be ashamed of”

“it’s just that a few of my guests have told me that it ruins their view of me? mostly because they aren’t all academic and some are fiction. some say that it makes me a ‘dork’“

you felt your eyebrow twitch - you would pummel these people if you ever found out who they were

the overwhelming feeling of protectiveness you felt for minhyun surprised you, though - why were you so upset at him being upset if you just met him???

“don’t listen to them. it makes you even more well-rounded. people who read for fun are so cool and i admire you even more now”

minhyun sat in awe for a few seconds at how blunt and approachable you were, then he remembered something he forgot to tell you when you picked him as your host

“ah, i forgot! since we’re talking about reading, the charity you’re actually helping by picking me as your host is one that provides poverty-stricken children the opportunity to learn how to read and write...!”

he went on and on about how it was important for kids to have a bright future

and as the two of you kept talking, minhyun realized how easily the words came out of him when he spoke to you

usually, he’d have to put on some kind of act when hosting - not that he was fake, but he’d have to pretend to be a little more talkative, cheery, princely, etc. when he had other guests

with you, on the other hand, everything came naturally: the way he talked, how he moved around while speaking, how he listened to the stories you told him

so by the time your session ended, he was even more disappointed than you were

as you stood up and thanked him for a good time, minhyun suddenly grew quiet and stared straight instead of up at you

“minhyun? are you okay?”

he nodded and bit his lip, seemingly conflicted, “...would you mind coming back on wednesday?”

you felt your mouth open in shock, but you nodded nevertheless “yeah of course! but why not tomorrow?”

“oh, we’re only open on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays!”

on that wednesday, you were overhearing some girls talking about trying to get minhyun that day at the host club

wanting to keep your promise to him mhmm because that’s the only reason you ran to the host club

there, you controlled your breath and regained your cool, fixing yourself up before entering the doors

and as if they already knew where to look, your eyes landed on minhyun immediately the second you walked in

you were lowkey embarrassed, but it was worth it to see how excited minhyun’s face got when he saw you

but when he walked to you, instead of greeting you, he simply chuckled

“what is it...?”

he laughed harder the longer he looked at you, and quickly fixed some of your crazy hairs that betrayed you trying to look cool

“did you run here?”

you glared at him, but he continued to smile angelically at you as his fellow hosts tried to hide their amusement

“yeah, i just wanted to keep the promise i made to you on monday. you know, when you asked me to come back?”

“oooOOHHHH”

you recognized the howl coming from jaehwan, who was your homeroom’s class clown - you smirked proudly at him, who returned your look with a thumbs up

but jaehwan’s happiness quickly left as minhyun’s face quickly turned on him

“i’m sorry, please don’t make me clean anymore...!”

minhyun cleared his throat and the smile was suddenly back on his face, his eyes promising jaehwan a slow, painful death as he offered his arm for you to take

in the distance, you could hear sungwoon scolding jaehwan: “now he’s going to make all of us his personal mops after club hours!!!”

when minhyun led you to his usual couch, you saw your friend, who had come to the host club with you on monday, holding kang daniel’s hand

your friend’s eyebrows started wiggling and you were dying in embarrassment by every second

“oh shUT UP! as if you weren’t running here to make sure you got to daniel first!” you called out

your friend shut tf up immediately and when you turned to look at minhyun, he was trying real hard to contain his happiness

“you want me here or not?” you shot at him, but he just laughed and shook his head

“ah, you’re so cute”

you turned bright red - with the way minhyun said it, you were sure it meant nothing, but you couldn’t help but be shook™

minhyun, however, was also super shook™ because he didn’t realize how forward that sounded - he was so used to saying it casually with the rest of the guys that it just came out

but that’s when minhyun realized that he felt truly comfortable with you

three months later, as the two of you would continue to meet for your tri-weekly host club sessions, he could tell how much meeting you had improved his mood

you helped bring him out of his awkward shell. you gave him encouragement that who he really was, albeit a little awkward and shy, was still really amazing

you made him see that if his guests didn’t appreciate him for what he offered, they didn’t deserve to have such a wonderful host

he also showed his playful side with you quickly, which surprised his fellow hosts because they weren’t used to seeing him open up to his guests

one day, they heard him humming a love song to himself as he wiped tables before the host club opened

“so...when are you going to confess?” jaehwan asked casually as he mopped around the table minhyun was cleaning

minhyun dropped his cleaning wipes

“w-what?!”

“...when are you going to confess? you’re going to keep your favorite guest waiting?”

“confess? waiting?”

jisung heard the conversation and quickly interjected, “you honestly haven’t noticed your feelings for your favorite guest and your favorite guest’s feelings for you???”

minhyun stared at his reflection in the glass table, all of the things you ever made him feel suddenly slamming into his chest

“i...like...someone?”

jaehwan and jisung exchanged looks - how had such a handsome face make it this far in life without ever dating? the world may never know

they left minhyun to his thoughts and when the time came to open the doors to guests, he was a nervous and confused wreck

but guess what

that day, you just had to be sick

you went straight home that day, telling your friend to tell daniel to tell minhyun that you would see him another day

when minhyun found out, he was pretty sad about it - he didn’t notice how much not seeing you made an impact on him. he knew that you made him happier, but he didn’t know that not having you around would make him...sad?

that’s the day he really realized he was pretty much in love with you

you, on the other hand, had been waiting for a while for him to give off signs that he liked you

you knew you liked him halfway through your first host club session with him, but you also knew that he was oblivious and didn’t really know what the whole romance thing was all about

(aside from his books at least)

so you were patient - you were willing to wait until he had feelings for you to make a move

a part of you was slightly disappointed that he still didn’t seem to notice - your friend had already begun to date kang daniel and the two of them were ecstatic together

but in the end, you knew minhyun would be worth it

soon enough, you would prove yourself right

the next host club opening, you were bombarded with vitamin c drinks, cold medicine, and the like

minhyun was so worried about you - he felt your forehead immediately for a fever and told you to just tell him if you weren’t feeling well again and he would take you home in a heartbeat

the gentle, concerned look on his face, the closeness of his body to yours as the two of you were seated on the loveseat, and the kindness that always seemed to radiate from him all gave you the courage to confess

even if he turned you down, minhyun was still an amazing guy and would most likely do it in the kindest way possible...so you would still try

“minhyun?”

“hmm?” he hummed while he prepared a thermometer to make sure your fever was completely gone

“you know i really, really, really like you, right?”

you noticed how the hand holding the thermometer started to shake slightly in shock, but he kept his calm and took a deep breath

minhyun continued to check your temperature, simply smiling at you as he put the thermometer into your ear

“i do now. and do you know that i really, really, really like you back?”

your heart almost burst out of your chest as a smile bloomed onto your face, your happiness unstoppable as you looked up at him

minhyun quietly grabbed your hand with his free one and stroked it with his thumb as he told you your temperature,

“wait, i think your fever is coming back?”

“nope, it’s just because you make me hot”

“too soon...! i’m still learning!”

that was the start of your relationship

in the beginning, you would continue your sessions with minhyun as your first few dates, and you’d occasionally see him outside on the weekends for more traditional kinds of dates

but after about a month, minhyun looked pretty serious as he led you to the couch that started it all

“what’s wrong?”

“i think i want to quit the host club...”

he explained to you that while he loved his friends and their host club, he didn’t feel right talking to other people like he adored them, even if it was just for an hour, while he was in a relationship

“daniel told me that he quit for a similar reason. would you hate it if i quit?”

“never, it’s your decision and i’ll back you up no matter what!”

you would always be minhyun’s #1 supporter and he was endlessly grateful for that

so he decided to turn in his blazer and tie, ignoring the pout ong gave him when minhyun did so

your intertwined hands swung as you walked out of the host club for the last time, together

“does this mean we’re no longer going to hear jaehwan serenade his favorite guest every time we meet now?”

“i guess so...what a shame”

#hwang minhyun #wanna one #hwang minhyun scenarios #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #hwang minhyun imagines #minhyun scenarios #minhyun imagines #minhyun #everyong #host club

265 notes · View notes

suphoshi · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! I know this is totally random and I’ve been a lurker (Love your stories, btw!) for some time and I just remembered you’re a nurse!

Do you mind if I ask you for some advice? I’m going into college next year but I’m kind of in between pre-med (Biology most likely) and going to a nursing program. Is it alright if I ask you why you wanted to be a nurse? and if you ever regretted it?

I’ve grown up knowing I wanted to be a nurse (probably bc my parents have drilled it in me to become one) but had an epiphany a couple of months ago from watching medical dramas that I might actually want to be a surgeon. They’re two different things but I realized I’m someone who likes to take lead and taken interest in the OR. I’m not sure if nursing can give me that but I’m also not sure if I’d be mentally ready for school + residency. I also know for sure I want to have a family in the future and that’s a major wall from going full send into pre-med.

thank you so much!

Omg, I do not mind this kind of question at all!

I wish that I could say that this was my lifelong dream and that I was born and bred for nursing, but that would be an absolute lie lol I am the first nurse in my family actually!

Going into nursing was kind of just a chance thing for me honestly. I went to our community college here in town and just took general courses for 2 years before I had a friend tell me she was going to transfer to the nursing school we have here (it’s pretty small, but it ranks pretty high for pass rates, my graduating class in 2017 and every year after has had a 100% NCLEX pass rate except for 1), and I just kind of jumped on the bandwagon. I felt like everyone around me had goals and knew exactly what they wanted to do and I had 0 clue, so I was just making impulse decisions and running with them. Even throughout my first two semesters of nursing school, I still was not fully set on becoming a nurse. I almost failed out of my first semester (which is so embarrassing to say now bc it was v easy 🥴), and in my second semester my clinical instructor literally hated me bc of how poorly I did my first semester (in smaller colleges, they really thrive on NCLEX pass rates, so they try to weed out anyone they think is week from the jump). She literally told me one day “I have no idea how you are a MedSurg student” because I was unsure about normal ranges for something simple. She also made sure to have students come in and watch me do dressing changes on patients because she knew that I had anxiety doing skills in front of other people and would mess up, and she would also give me patients who were completely incapacitated with peg tubes and trach‘s so that I would have to do more skills that she could berate me for because I was so shaky and nervous. Even up to that point - that’s literally half of the most important classes that you will take in nursing school - I did not know that I wanted to be a nurse. I actually wanted to drop out, but my mom told me that it would look better if I ever decided to go back to just wait and fail out lol, but that didn’t happen. My clinical instructor somehow ended up really loving me towards the end of our semester. She always put me in charge when we would do team nursing, and I would oversee all the other students and their patients. She was def a bitch to me in the beginning, but I think it was because she knew that I had zero experience in being vocal and outspoken and sticking up for myself. It really gave me the kick in the ass I needed to study more so that I would be prepared for her, and in turn, I actually got to understand and sympathize with my patients even more. I also realized that semester how much I love taking care of people. Because she gave me so many patients who were unable to take care of themselves, most of them couldn’t move on their own, I was able to sit and talk with them and hold their hands and listen to them cry or make them laugh. That instructor is the reason I am still a nurse today, even though she really almost broke me lol

I definitely do regret nursing often, but only for short periods of time if that makes sense. All jobs have shitty spots, but nursing is definitely one with some of the shittiest spots. You come in to train wreck assignments that sometimes you’ll feel absolutely incapable of handling, you’ll get hammered with admissions, you’ll have to deal with short staffing and taking on so many patients that you don’t even have time to use the bathroom. I’ve had patients scream at me for things that aren’t my fault, doctors scream at me for the same things. And now, because I’m a travel nurse, I go into hospitals with staff who don’t know me, don’t trust me, they don’t like to help at first because I’m the traveler - I have to adapt and help them, not the other way around. So not only do I have to worry about my patient assignment, I also have to earn the trust of a group of people who don’t know me. The mental exhaustion I go through weekly is almost psychotic lol. I have days at work where the only thing I say from beginning to end is “why tf am I doing this” or “I literally hate my life right now”. I talked about this with my sister this morning though (she went into nursing school after me and now she’s a nurse also); even on the days that I literally just want to walk out, I walk into patients room and become a different person. Like, I want them so badly to know they are safe with me and that I care about making sure they’re okay, and I absolutely love making them smile and laugh. I had a patient the last 4 nights who usually screams all day/night because she is scared and hates being alone in her room. Every night after report, I walked into her room and sat with her for like 10-15 mins at a time to just sit with her and talk about her day and the first time I did, she squeezed my hand really tight and said “why are you the only one who comes back”, and it just absolutely broke my heart. These people are so scared and lonely and they just want someone to keep them safe. So yes, there are times I regret it, but becoming a nurse was also one of the best impulse decisions I have ever made. I have changed a lot of people’s lives just like they have changed mine, people who might remember me but I don’t remember them or even vice versa, and it was the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

If you really want to become a surgeon, do it! I think that would be such an awesome path, especially if your interested and it keeps you engaged in what you want to do. About taking the lead and being in control and that stuff, you’re definitely able to do that as a nurse also. I always tell people how insane it is that I am so different when I’m home vs. at work. At home, I am usually the biggest bum, I’m super lazy, I love to lay around on my days off and have such a hard time motivating myself for anyyyything. But at work, I am very organized and time meticulous, I HATE messy workstations and patient rooms. I am in charge a lot - even as a traveler which isn’t v common bc they want their own staff taking that role - so I do all of the staffing, I help everyone with their admissions, I make sure everyone’s getting breaks, passing meds on time, getting home on time. It doesn’t seem like an extreme leadership role, but you really take responsibility for a floor full of 40 patients while you have 5-6 of your own. Plus, with nursing, you have so many opportunities to specialize, you can be a circulating nurse in the OR (I gave up on that idea v quickly because they have too much responsibility IMO lol they’re rockstars for real), I always loved same-day surgery for some reason because it’s so fast paced - I got to pick up a few days there before when they were short staffed and loved it, and honestly there are a million other specialties/jobs you can choose. If you decide to do nursing, you will learn so much about the kind of person you are under pressure, how you handle stress, if you can adapt to situations with little to no help. If medical school is what you want to do though, go for it! Please don’t forget your nurses though after lol, I have so many surgeons that I love and who trust what we say and listen to us when we call, but there are waaaay too many docs who think they’re above our opinions/they know better. Whatever it is you choose, I hope you fall in love with it, and I really hope you’ll check back no matter how many years later and tell me how you’re doing!! I know this was a centuries long answer, but I couldn’t stop once I started lol

Thank you for asking this!!! Let me know if you have anymore questions I can answer 💘💘 have the best day!!

#tytytytytyty #💕💘💘💕💘

0 notes

feministbean · 7 years ago

Text

I Can’t Sleep So Imma Rant About Mean People From HS: Freshman Edition- Fuck Ricky

I was a baby among other fish babies but I didn’t know any of them cus I didn’t go to my feeder Hs bc I went to a rich snooty booty Hs bc better grades and stuff... anyways so like I’m over here tryna make friends and this guy named Ricky is like cool and we get along super well and we talk a lot and everything is great. We also talk with this annoying ass girl named Vivian but who liked to be called Aimee but deadass nobody ever fucking called her that and I remember she thought not being in top 10 made her a nobody like yikes pobresia (that last word basically means poor her in Spanish)... we digress lol.... Also this girl Andrea who liked to be called Emily (OOH BIH U DONT KNOW WHATS COMING WITH HER LMAO)

So this Ricky guy is fun to talk to and it’s one of those friendships where you just click right and ok well long story short. It was the beginning of the second semester and I didn’t have lunch with any of the little pals I would sit with in the fall semester lunch so I be out here looking for friends and shit and so then I see that guy Ricky and I’m like oh cool we’re definitely friends bc we shared so many laughs and conversations and I even thought that just maybe he had a crush on me (the feeling wasn’t mutual but the slight hints of flirtation he tossed around made me feel pretty and wanted, which I’m sure everyone enjoys and later I was told by Andrea that he did have a crush on me but I hurt his dumbass heart bc i was talking about my current boyfriend around him so maybe that’s why he did what follows?? Idk)

He sees me and as I expected, he’s like HEY!! You have this lunch?? :D and I’m like Yes lol (tryna play off like if I’m totally not a loser with no friends and like I have somewhere to go) and so he’s like Oh cool! I know you don’t eat any of the school food, but would you still go wait in the lunch line with me?? :)) mY naive innocent loving ass is like YeAh! So here I am in this long dumbass line for disgusting food, Ricky is like hey can you get a plate of *i forgot what food it was they were serving that day* so I could eat an extra one from yours? And I’m like yeah sure bc I mean it’s not like I was tryna eat nasty food.

sooooooooooooo...... we get our food and I follow him to his little table which is fullll of people and there is only one seat left (although if people are small then 3 could totally fit and ik this for a fact bc i would so that at other points in time) so that Ricky guy takes the last seat and I’m sort of just standing there like an idiot thinking uhhh is he gonna introduce me or make a little space for me orrrr??? (And let it be known that at this point in my life I was really unhealthy and would never eat so my ass was a STICK so making space for me literally was NO TROUBLE)

His friend who he’s sitting next to moves a bit over, implying for him to move so he could make a space and as she does that I’m like yay they don’t think I’m intruding and just as my ass sits down and is gonna introduce myself my boy Ricky is like... oh... you’re not leaving???... and the table laughs and so I’m left feeling mortified. // I wish he would’ve left it at that.//

I start feeling face flush as I finally admit, iN FRONT OF ALL HIS FRIENDS, oh well I don’t have anywhere else to sit none of my friends have this lunch... and y’all aren’t even ready for what he does next.... RICKY AND HIS HEADASS BRAIN say to me, oh well you can’t stay here. I stare back. Face flush turns to red rush and I feel my tears about to gush. He LITERALLY SAYS “shoo shoo go away” and everyone laughs :))) AGAIN, I WISH HE WOULD HAVE LEFT IT AT THAT.

THENNN, HE DEADASS GETS UP FROM HIS SEAT AND GRABS MY ARM AND GUIDES ME TOWARD A TABLE LITERALLY LIKE 3 TABLES AWAY FROM THEIRS WHERE THEY COULD LITERALLY SEE ME!!! And I wouldn’t have minded sitting by myself but this table was that table with that one weird white shy guy who always has his head down and hates everyone and like hisses at people and shit when they try to talk to him and is so nervous and hostile about everything you don’t know how tf to even interact with him so it was honestly worse than sitting by myself

Ricky even introduces me to the guy in the most patronizing baby voice he says to the guy “hey this is Cecy she’s really nice talk and be friends” REALLY NICE? THEN WHY DID U JUST HUMILIATE ME SO BAD so just as Ricky is about to leave he still has the nerve to ask for my lunch plate, my way of setting my foot don is saying no. I was wayyy too nice. ):

My innocent sweet baby self even tried talking to the weird guy but I found myself having a conversation where the only response I would get was occasional raging stare downs so I finally decided to quit for safety reasons, I pulled out my homework and as I watched Ricky’s horrible ass walk away I could hear and even see his friends laughing, he sits down where he has a view of me, his disposable entertainment.

I tried so hard not to cry as I pretended to have Spanish homework I needed to do in a rush because it was due the next class, but in reality I was getting ahead because I was a little embarrassing need, and was reminded of that every time I looked up at the table where Ricky and his friends sat.

Lunch was finally over and I hurried to pack my things as I desperately needed to cry in the bathroom before my next class, Ricky tried to go up to me and say something but I wasn’t about to listen to anything else he had to say so I just shoved my arm away from his grasp and walked off both proud of myself and heartbroken as I realized the world wouldn’t always be the bright pastel pink lovely land I’d always made it out to be.

Fuck Ricky man, but let it be known I’ve grown so much since then and am not out here letting boys make me feel like an embarrassment.

Also thanks to Ricky, because ever since that day EVERYTIME I saw someone sitting alone I invited them over to my table with my friends because I knew how bad it felt.

BE KIND TO OTHERS 💓

0 notes