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mysteryanimator · 2 days ago

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Breaking down "Even the Iron Still Fears the Rot" (almost) shot by shot!

The fan-animatic can be viewed here!

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HEADS UP: This is a fan-made content. I am a fan. I just love Castlevania/animation a lot and I love storyboarding nuances and making people cry over character dynamics. Also apologises for any grammatical/spelling mistakes!

I wasn't planning to do another breakdown of my own work, simply due to imposter syndrome but I genuinely put so much love and care into this animatic! I want to talk about it! Also, people have been really open to hearing about my inspiration and notes, and why I take the directions I do for my work, even if it's fan-made, so here we go!

(Also the reciprocation of my animatics has been so kind and uplifting, and I'm really glad that there's a lot of love for them as much as I love doing them! I learn and grow with every single board I make, it's been really fun! I hope I get to shine this much passion in the future in actual work!)

Since this is also an adaptation of a fan one-shot by Aquila, (which you can read here!) I knew I wanted to evoke what they had written and interject some of my own nuances/personal readings to their story to elevate what they had! In turn, kind of created this monster (positive) of a fan creation haha. There are some changes/rearranging the placement of aspects of the one-shot to strengthen the existing tension going on!

With this out the way, let's begin!

(heads up, for any shots I completely skip over, it is because I'm reaching image limits here)

I wanted to evoke that strong halo light you see in a lot of media. Often than not, this visual is used to depict the character as a divine force of nature and/or when a character is bobbing in and out of death. It can also be a very very terrifying image, as, for example, s02e8, Mizrak is literally all dark with a brightly lit background. It is scary- BUT people will say hot because it's Mizrak but hey, look, all I can say is I fully understand haha. It all depends on your intentionality and what follows before and after to give context to your scene!

Mizrak is dead. Well, undead now. Olrox is the so-called angel giving him life and love and this halo of light gets repeated a few times!

By the end, not only do their literal positions switch, but their roles shift too so I hoped to convey that visually by also giving Mizrak that halo glow for the second last shot. At the start, Olrox consumes Mizrak’s love, and then it ends with Mizrak consuming Olrox’s love. Guh I love blood themes in vamprisim.

This shot honestly took me a bit to do, since I was going a lot cleaner than usual, the expression for Mizrak was super important for me to get right. I wanted him to look like he was about to die- yet still have an unwavering amount of life in him. (Also I hadn't warmed up drawing in this cleaned-up style so it definitely was me messing around). It was important for me for this to feel like a POV shot to contrast the first scene so we can get inside the mind of Olrox!

This too is where I only have sound effects since I can't have voice so I limit my SFX to the only most vital things to elevate things I personally find better elevate the scene with audio. It only happens TWICE. The heartbeat. His wrist is shown and from context clues from not only S01 of Nocturne with Tera's turning, but a whole bunch of other vampire media- the wrist is a place where the dead accept their new life of immortality!

Also, the pulse effect was definitely inspired by the transformation of Sekmet! I'm not sure personally if this went to a further stage I'd want to keep this since I'd personally want something more unique for vampire turning, more specifically for Olrox, HOWEVER, I think it still does a good job conveying the supernatural pull for the time being!

Wow who saw this coming HAHA

Immediately when I saw the line where Olrox said he went to straddle him immediately, my mind went to go and try to parallel this scene again! I don't have much to say about this shot rather than the feet are purposefully cut out for animation convenience's sake HAHA.

Jumpscare for sudden Olrox character layout (even though he's really off model and sketchy here HAHA)

I was again, wanting to depict Olrox BATHED in light and since this animatic is purely in greyscale (with accents of colour), I could really push for dramatic lighting when it called for it! This is also why some of the scenes just do not have backgrounds at all. I wanted to make some of the scenes as "heavenly" as possible and for Mizrak to be embraced by the light because Olrox is giving him a new a life.

If this were to ever be animated (I won't be since it would take too much of my time, but it's still a good thing to note when boarding anything... maybe I'll do cleaned screenshots since those are a breeze, or animate ONE scene from this animatic... we'll see what I have time for. I unfortunately don't have proper time to try and figure out the layout of s02e8 bgs and paint them. I did consider quickly doing a 3d mock-up but no haha), the light in the background can probably be lit with candles since it was already pre-established in s02e8! Also, the windows can reflect light into the room so there's that too since Mizrak was backlit in that episode too!

Fun fact, this entire scene was the first thing I ever thought up and why I started even making it. I thought about how cool of a visual it would be to have Mizrak's eye in the reflection.

I wanted to imbue the fact that Mizrak does not fear Olrox holding a blade, hell, he's not even looking at the blade. He's looking at Olrox. What is described as a relic from a terrifying past, Mizrak is not scared. Mizrak is not scared of Olrox.

This is where the heartbeat occurs AGAIN. This is mostly to signal to the audience what Olrox actually has planned. He's not feeding Mizrak from his wrist but from his actual chest, especially with how gently Olrox runs his hands over it.

I debated a lot on where the initial cut should go. The heart, for sentimentality, under the breast in the same way Christ had been pierced, etc etc- however I landed on just dead set in the middle so it could form a cross that would grow bigger and bigger as the animatic went on. (Fun fact, the blob of blood turns into a little heart as he squeezes his chest)

I wanted to put some weight to the repressed catholic guilt, so I thought a cool visual way to showcase that Mizrak has only known how to love is via worshipping God which has consumed his entire being and self. God has given him faith, a companion in the hardest of times when the world has abandoned him.

Now, once again, his world has abandoned him. The Hospitaller Order of Saint John of God is gone. In the face of death and fearing the devil will be waiting. Olrox has given him love, and he will be a companion in the hardest of times. He will not abandon Mizrak.

This aspect of the cross in the animatic gets expanded upon as time goes on. Both literally as the cross literally turns into a pool of blood more closely to the symbol Mizrak bares, but also it slowly expands upon Mizrak feeding off Olrox's love! I'll add some more of my personal notes when we get there!

Also by far one of my favourite scenes I've drawn. It's still rough but it decidedly made me go a lot cleaner with the rest of the storyboard!

This is supposed to be suddenly jarring because it cuts midway through Olrox in a midshot to a close-up of a hand! We need to see him actively halt Olrox for just a moment, but also to show that even when it's sudden- its not hostile, it's gentle.

This shot does a couple of things!

It showcases how gently Mizrak is reaching out to Olrox

It helps to continually establish Mizrak submission to vampirism. He is constantly placed on the bottom from the composition, or we as an audience, are always looking down at Mizrak! Seeing parts of Olrox here really cements this fact as Olrox towers over him to the point we don't even see him fully!

It helps to lead into the Fallen Angel reference!

This shot makes me sob because it is so gentle. Despite being placed constantly much higher in the composition in the animatic, therefore making him the most powerful in this dynamic- in no way Olrox is intentionally made out to be an intimidating figure. He is comfort. He is a companion. He will not abandon Mizrak. The act of turning Mizrak might be read as selfish. It may be read as cheating the natural cycle of life, it may be everything wrong and doomed as your mind makes it to be, however, it is done out of love. Morals, whether good or bad, no longer matters because Olrox is in love. Love has such a strong chokehold on this series, so I'm shoving as much love into these characters as I can. Both literally make these characters so sickly desiring love that it will be their doom and saving grace, but also me as an artist deeply putting love and thought into this board because care a lot about how to convey these complex emotions! Sure it is quite easy to churn out boards without care, but without putting care into your boards, your characters and stories lack life (in my personal opinion).

Immediately, this animatic shook me and told me to put in a reference to The Fallen Angel by Alexandre Cabnel!

Also, how does one portray the soul? EYES. Eyes are the window to the soul. Mizrak’s eyes are also considerably the most important/crucial part of his design. His eyes in both seasons ‘glow in the dark’ due to the highlights in his eyes. Mizrak is considerably really emotive too and that was important to me to emphasize. I wanted to capture his essence, his soul if you will, into this shot.

This is also why this shot is done really prettily if you will.

The reflection of Olrox's eye in Mizrak's is important here! Olrox is here to act to comfort Mizrak. Even when Olrox is not on the screen with us, he is majorly present here. He will not abandon Mizrak. Also, since it is coupled with this line, people can choose to infer what they wish with Olrox! It can symbolize Olrox does have a soul, it can symbolize how Olrox and Mizrak are now intertwined together, it can symbolize Mizrak reciprocating Olrox's love. The list can go on! I give that room for open interpretation (same as the rest of the animatic, the only reason I'm going through, breaking down almost shot by shot is that I deeply care about this sort of thing, and I know other people do too!)

This shot, is deceptively simple but it's here to actually initiate a bunch of scenes I wanted to happen after this!

Firstly, I needed a very nonchalant but easy way for Olrox to let go of Mizrak's hand without needing to overcomplicate. I needed something that gave it just enough importance for the hand kiss BUT not too much where it is the sole focus on the shot.

Secondly, I needed a way for Olrox to lean down to Mizrak and initiate him being way closer to him.

Thirdly, it acts to parallel another shot that happens with Mizrak where instead of going diagonally down, he goes diagonally up!

This is one of the points where I visually slightly deviate from the one-shot! I really REALLY wanted to emphasize Olrox's dialogue here so I chopped up and elongated the scene to make it that much more intense and tender. Which is why we get the next two close up shots!

Look it was very VERY important to me to have Olrox cup Mizrak's face and intentionally cut off his eyes. The important part I wanted to focus on solely was his hand and Mizrak looking up because genuinely, Mizrak's eyes are 'distracting' and it would remove the focus on the gesture! Also I am saving Mizrak's eyes for the next shot haha

After this shot too, you may notice the blood from his neck disappears for the rest of the animatic. This is because, after this, it began to take too much of a visual focus away from the blood on Olrox's chest since it is bright red against greys in the shot. We can chalk it up to Olrox wiping the blood off when he goes to cup him.

"The most beautiful soul a vampire can posses."

It was so important to me that we get a BEAUTIFUL shot of Mizrak. I needed the audience to see his entireeee face close up, unobscured by anything. Olrox is holding a beautiful soul in his hands. He's holding Mizrak. Actually makes me sob.

This shot by the way has been repeated 3 times with slight variations by this point. Yes, this is a very pretty shot so how could I not help but repeat it? HOWEVER, I was trying to make a reference to how Mizrak has said Olrox's name only 3 times in the show with a variation of what was said around it. After that, Olrox calls him my love, basically unlocking a new stage in their relationship.

So here, three times when he looks at Olrox, he's mentally calling out his name. After this, Olrox brings him to a new stage in the relationship.

Also in Catholicism, a lot of things are in 3s. One of the major ones is that three times, Christ fell over carrying the cross. On the third hour of that day, he died and on the third day, he was resurrected from the dead. The three sacraments that welcome someone into the Kingdom of God are Baptism, Communion, and Confirmation as they all build off one another! I could go on both those are the main points AND I feel you might get the gist now!

It was very important to me that when Olrox makes this promise, we HAVE to see his full face. This is why it's a close-up.

It lets for no shadow of a doubt that Olrox means what he says here. He's looking AT Mizrak. He's telling the truth to him.

This is a parallel to a much earlier shot of Olrox! He moves closer to Mizrak by going from top right to bottom left, while Mizrak moves closer to Olrox by going from bottom left to top right! You also both see them exit the screen too!

In this shot, we bring back that halo vibe but also this is a reference to S01E04 and S02E08! The curtain! It is BOTH their first-ever shots to establish a new scene, so I wanted to go “Hey this is establishing a new scene- a new life for Mizrak and Olrox.”

The camera is super purposefully cut just below the eyes. You can see them open then closed, but we will never ever get to see the look he had in his eyes, the single decision in his brain that let him indulge. That’s only for Olrox, and only Olrox will know.

From here on out, A LOT of the shots of Mizrak get segmented/have his face hidden for that reason too (except for one shot, also done intentionally).

When Mizrak actually closes his lips around the blood- it’s on the growling sound in the song. Mizrak has turned into the animal that he’s been calling vampires. In this new life, he is now given the choice to be freed from the man-made shackles of shame and guilt. To be untamed and unrestricted. A wild animal so to speak!

Honestly, I spent a lot of my time here (besides the pretty Olrox frames) because I was super particular about how I wanted to portray Mizrak giving into sucking the blood. The way he accepts vampirism is vital because it sets the tone and mood for how the rest of the board feel since his face gets hidden and you now have to infer from when you saw his face last.

If you have seen my analyses or my work before, you will know how much I enjoy having a frame within a frame. I loveeee my boxes! They're in the box! TOGETHER! THE CENTER TOO! There are no real divisions with the exception of Olrox's head which is important because it's not Mizrak we're focused on at this point in time, it's Olrox~

This is because the one-shot, even in third person, is mostly through Olrox's perspective!

Also, the camera is moving around in this shot, and the following subsequent shots! It hopefully gives off the "hand-held" feel, which often is associated with feeling as if you're right there in the moment with them.

Why pillows?

This is me shaking you to say how the blood-drinking is an allusion for sex if that wasn't already obvious enough. So showing pillows coupled with Olrox groaning really goes "Yes they are technically doing it."

Originally this shot (and the previous shot) was supposed to be way more pulled out, but I was saving it for the very last shot of the animatic so I went to pillows with the tinest hint of their body in the frame to make it seem super scandalous. Like what on earth could they be doing for me to cut them mostly out of the frame? Also also, the pillow was supposed to have an embroidery of a painting from 1790s or earlier BUT, for the life of me, I could not decide what I wanted and I did not want to keep reusing the same references I have had in past work. I didn't want to fuss about it for too long since its more of an easter egg rather than adding to the story. The main point is pillow = fucking HAHA.

Side tangent, you can get away with SO MUCH by having blood drinking be an allusion to sex. Like obviously when you have an age rating you must abide by, you must be creative with how you go about mature topics (my age rating is YouTube hahaha)! Not only is blood drinking in vampirism just inherently queer-coded, but the intimacy of it can convey so much more if it was just a regular ol' sex scene! I actually deeply enjoy conveying nsfw topics into art because you can discuss character dynamics at a much more vulnerable, raw state that literally bares them to just their essence and their current desires/needs. However I am getting off-topic, let's get back to it!

This shot was actually heavily inspired by the statue Adoration by Stephen Sinding!

While there are a lot of differences now simply because Mizrak is at Olrox's chest, I still hope that the vibe of that statue is still imbued. It also gives the sense of not only Olrox adoring Mizrak in this very moment, but Mizrak is too despite not seeing his face. Again quite intentional because it's only for Olrox to see.

Also, a lot of people have been telling me how Olrox is breastfeeding him, and in technicality, they're not wrong, he's feeding blood, from his chest. It is the funniest thing ever LOL

This shot was important to really focus in on his throat and how, much like in the one-shot, Mizrak is literally not taking breaths and is just continually consuming Olrox.

Wet sounds fill the room as his throat bobs with each steady gulp...He doesn’t stop, doesn’t take a moment to gasp for breath.

I also just wanted to make this scene feel very slow in order to contrast with a much more passion-filled desire that consumes Mizrak in this animatic! Also hopefully the descent of blood and the descent of the camera helps to strengthen the idea of Mizrak descending into vampirism!

It felt really cheesy to have this close-up shot of his eye HOWEVER at the time, I thought this was by far the clearest way to convey the immediate switch from gentle devotion to devouring devotion and how suddenly rapid it is. In my brain, the stylization for his eyes open would be textured and pulse in the same way Olrox's wrist did, which is why it's just outlined. I'm once again not 100% set on the pulse look and it probably needs some iterations if I ever came back to it again.

Also, the green hearts in his eyes only come through when he's actively consuming blood from his chest! The heart motif comes back later when Mizrak ends up throwing up the blood!

Here's the cross again, except it is growing bigger. This was very important to me that you see how "gentle" the blood-sucking is at first. A gentle devotion despite the "terrifying" shadow of Mizrak. Also, super an excuse to have kiss marks in my animatic, I love painting them in my art because it can say a lot with placement and how aggressively smudged they are!

Also, I thought it would be SO FUN to have Mizrak's turned self literally have his eyes overlay where Olrox's eyes are. It conveys how Mizrak and Olrox are now switching roles in this animatic! For the first half of this animatic, Olrox has been placed pretty high up in the shot composition, or where the camera looks up to put him in a high place of power! It makes him appear way more etheral and otherworldly, while Mizrak was placed lower in the composition, always looking up at him! Which I'm hoping invokes religious imagery of a God and his worshipper/follower!

When Mizrak's transformation is set, the dynamic switches up. For the rest of the animatic, Mizrak is now placed at a more supernatural/otherwordly position, while Olrox is just there passively, letting Mizrak BE in this position. He does not fight it, he embraces it, embraces how Mizrak reciprocates his love, his desire, and all his messy complications, much like how earlier in the animatic, Mizrak embraces vampirism.

Also if you slow it down enough you can see how I accidentally left my perspective grids in it HAHA, but it goes by fast enough it doesn't really matter! (I guess it's also kind of indicative of my natural style when it comes to digital painting too, I genuinely like having my sketch still peek through into the final painting!)

Wow even more shots to cement the new role switch AND how much much of the passionate need to consume is controlling his urges! Free to consume at his leisure, he is no longer bound by human nature (for now)!

This shot and his leg shot help to really strip Mizrak of his humanity. Faces in a shot really help to connect people to the characters because we see the emote, we see them breathe, we see them live. Especially for a character like Mizrak? He's super expressive face-wise and I'm purposefully not showing you the defining features of Mizrak. Here I am basically going "Mizrak is no longer human."

This is why in horror/thrillers with antagonist characters, we don't see their faces much and are saved for only key moments (usually, again your intentionality matters). It doesn't allow us to connect with the character on a much more human level. Think of Count Orlok from Nosferatu (2024). Purposefully a lot of his character is shrouded in darkness, focusing on his hands and other aspects, never his face, and even then it is really hard to make out because so much of him is obscured. It makes him that much of an imposing intimidating character! Otherworldly and something that we cannot fully understand.

This is a flipped version of Mizrak's close-up eye shot much earlier when he asked if his soul would remain. Again to hark on how Mizrak and Olrox are switching roles in this animatic! Olrox is looking at Mizrak's soul as we speak.

Despite us not seeing Mizrak's face, we as an audience noticing how unhuman Mizrak has suddenly become, Olrox looks quite gently at him and that was important to convey!

Woo! Lot's of horizontal lines here! While the camera is moving towards the left, Mizrak is moving right!

Originally this shot was going to have Mizrak's teeth sinking into Olrox like a very cool Olrox throwing his head back and Mizrak's fang reveal HOWEVER, I want to leave the "carnage" and bloodshed of the feeding out of the frame and only have it show up in very specific moments so I can have those moments actually have their proper impacts. I did not want to show any part of the front of his face at all since it would dampen the effect later on, so I opted for this instead. The legs give a sense of "something is happening but we don't know what, but it's to a point where Mizrak's entire body is moving oh jeez." Won't lie, this looks very sexual and I'm purposefully toying with that line again because blood drinking is an allusion to sex.

Also, I'm continuing the concept of having aspects of Mizrak's face only for Olrox's eyes. What does he look like when he's actively consuming him with such passion? Idk, Olrox you tell me.

This is everything I was building up for when I introduced the small crosses! The physical manifestation of how Mizrak reciprocates.

My thought process here was that Mizrak only knows how to love by fully devoting himself because that's all he's done for God. So he applies it here. He is reciprocating love, but it is FULL ON. It is intense. It is all-consuming.

The face once again is obscured for all the reasons I have mentioned before, but also it REALLY helps to really hard cut to Mizrak choking on the blood after because before it seemed like he was doing just fine. He is literally looking DOWN at Olrox, he takes up A LOT of the screen with just his back and head. He literally gets pulled into full focus while Olrox is blurred in the background. He appears like he is in control of the situation, however it could not be further from the truth.

Also, I was mostly inspired by the insane amount of bible verses talking about blood, so I'll drop some of those here!

John 6:53-56 ESV

So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.

Ezekiel 16:6 ESV

“And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’ I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’

Matthew 26:28 ESV

"For this is my [Christ's] blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

Absolute contrast to most of the other shots, not only because I decided to add way more character acting here, but it's because we actually see his FULL face. It's intentional because Mizrak realizes himself now so we need to see him have this reaction. I wanted to show that he is still a person. He still has a soul. He may not be human, but he does have a mind that can think and a heart that can love. He still retains human qualities.

He's choking on all the blood (a physical manifestation of love) and his body is rejecting it. He's not used to consuming this amount of love and he's not used to being self-indulgent. It's deeply overwhelming.

I wanted to say I LOVED drawing blood it is SO FUN, planning the camera movement, and how Mizrak coughs at specific moments was sooo fun. I wanted this to be MESSY AND INTENSE. I wanted the audience to feel the weight of Mizrak's sudden distraught. I wanted to throw him around and to really hark on this line from the one-shot.

What has he done? What has been done to him? What has he become?

It helps to deeply contrast with how still and gentle the next scene is!

Yes, that is right, Olrox's pupils are DILATED :)

Coupled with the fact that the blood splatters are hearts! They're outlined in cyan! Olrox has a massive heart-shaped blood splatter on his cheek while Mizrak has a few heart-shaped splatters BUT there are gaps in his bloodied mouth that create heart shapes as if Mizrak spewed out those hearts!

Firstly this is because Mizrak literally eats at his chest where the heart is. Secondly, I'm again pushing for Mizrak to consume and throw up his love due to how overwhelming it is. Not only is Olrox's love for him literally beyond his imagination, but Mizrak is trying to love back in with that same amount of passion and utter devotion. A lot is happening for this new-born vampire that is pushing and pulling at him. His emotional state is so overwhelming that it is manifested in physical form.

The green reflections are shown to visually communicate Olrox anchoring Mizrak back, as, throughout the animatic, it is one of the things that ease or calm him down. I could not portray it through voice BUT I can portray it via visual (guys walk with me here, imagine the insane combo of audio and visual, it would be so tasty). The sole reason why I did not have hearts in his eyes here is simply because I reserved the heart motif for when he's actively drinking out of Olrox's chest (so he's literally consuming his love) or when he's spitting out the blood!

Also, the reason why I cut to his eyes rather than pan to them is purely because I wanted the violence of his mouth to be suddenly jarring to the gentleness in his eyes. I didn't want the slow reveal, I wanted the "OMG the blood- aw Mizrak...."

"Lulled into a sense of hazy compliance by Olrox’s voice, the former monk carefully lowers himself and continues though not for long."

This final shot was soooo important to me to include. The “musty inn room” was mentioned much earlier during Mizrak’s transformation but there was a poeticism by having what is considerably the blossoming moment of their complicated relationship be the final shot. With the lyrics also ending with "Take me back to Eden" how could I not? Clearly, both the rooms between s01e4 and s02e8 are parallel to each other. The only difference is that s02e8 has the room be both red AND GREEN, while s01e4 is just earthy/green. Olrox has taken them both back to their earthly paradise. This is their Garden of Eden.

Woo ok and we're done! Also yes I do thumbnails for these, it's half the reason why I'm fast (this entire animatic, cleaned and everything, was done in 3 days good lord. Is that fast? I can't tell) I make the barest of bones chicken scratch of sketches to get a feel of pace/vibe, then I do my roughs/cleans and add/take away shots necessary for the story that needs to be told. I normally would not let this see the light of day because these are AWFUL BUT, this post is also half a documentation of my personal process so I'm going to close my eyes and share this HAHA

If you got this far, thank you for reading me geek out about this! I find a lot of joy in the visual storytelling medium. As much as I do enjoy animating, (wow could you guys tell in the name?) I have a deep love and passion for storyboarding personally and I get sit back, and enjoy crafting the entire picture! I still have a long way to go but I'm having fun and I'm pursuing my passions of storytelling!

I desperately want to make more animatics, dealing with different tones, pace etc, but I genuinely have to go prioritize other things for now that will help me build these skills hahaha. I say this but who knows, seeing my current track record haha, look I can do both. I follow wherever my creativity takes me. I may have missed a few things but I have to wrap this up now!

Thank you again! The final takeaway, go watch Castlevania again and go be inspired by animation <33333

#castlevania nocturne #artists on tumblr #mystery talks #i love storyboarding to death it brings me much joy #hopefully ill learn how to apply this to action scenes #all ppl on yt scare me in a positive way they're so nice #olrox/mizrak #castlevania spoilers #olrox #mizrak

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betweenthescarletmoon · 19 hours ago

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hello fellow mutual from tiktok!!! I am so happy to see you put your thoughts here, i feel it was much harder for us to discuss jayce over there!

I agree with everything you said. A fourth act would've worked wonders for Every Character, not just him. And it does anger me so much that Jayce wasn't seen nor Written as a profound character because of s1. I wish i could have a talk with Christopher Linke about this

The idea that people can only like characters because they're attractive to lessen the load of digesting media is imo most likely the Editing Effect of inatagram and tiktok. It pains me to say but i do wonder if arcane came out by the time we as a generation watched AMVs and 7min edits on youtube instead (or at least i did). Maybe then people would have more profound thoughts on all the characters, including Vi, Jinx, Silco, Mel. And i am glad we can discuss things more over here, but it's still not as common to discuss and analyze as it used to be either.

You've mentioned one of my biggest gripes with fandom interpretation in the cave, WHO would debate bisexuality when they have nothing left but the crumbling inner workings of their mind, building the last comfort it can?? Thank you, i really like the idea that he also found himself resenting them, that is actually a much closer observation to how he Looks at them. I truly like that transition from his tears (which represent his old, vulnerable, sweet self) to that colder bitterness that guides him for the rest of the season (until we get the ending, which from a character narrative standpoint, doesn't make sense to me tbh).

Here's the thing, I've also placed myself in the difficult position of liking those thirst edits, saving them in a folder called "thirst traps" to keep them apart from my Real Jayce Folder, laughing at some of the "why trauma jayce kinda" and the like...while also deep down just feeling so empty and sad about it but feeling like there was nothing i could do about it? I don't wanna be dramatic but it Felt isolating. And maybe it does make me a hypocrite! Conformity and yadda yadda, but i cannot imagine that Jayce was designed to not be hot. I believe that was fully intentional, but i also thought that they were prioritizing his character. When i first saw act 2, i didn't know his agency would be obliterated and his arc ripped from his hands to place it solely on Viktor's. So now it feels even worse, that That is what the writers used him for too. And people are completely fine with it! They're so happy about the soulmates.

Your observations about him not stopping and being stuck in survival mode bring me clarity fr. He's never truly been a man about rest, was he? Perhaps that was his main trauma response all along, sacrificing sleep and Academy grades to get Hextech running, almost killing himself the moment he felt he lost it. Of course he'd do that at a more extreme level, but because act 3 doesn't rest or let the story breathe, i frankly didn't interpret it as that, it just felt like he conveniently stopped being mentally ill to give a speech and fight the war 😂 if he survived, he probably wouldn't have stopped, because stopping meant that PTSD would rear its ugly head. But the tragedy of it all Was that he died. Saving the world yes, but it feels so empty and cruel that he suffered so much just to die. No real accomplishment or meaning, just him serving the narrative and saving Viktor.

PS : i adore viktor i really do but it's getting hard not to resent him bc of what the writers did to butcher him, and how they stripped jayce of everything he was outside of him. I still love him! I promise!

And mutual! If you wanna keep talking in DMs you are welcome to!!

Random Thoughts on the Arcane Fandom about Jayce

this is gonna be a mess but I have nowhere else to talk about this.

I've recently noticed how Jayce Talis has been subjected to all kinds of sexualization since the drop of Act 2 of the second season. People have mentioned many times how trauma has made him "hot". A good and well-known example of this is Danny Motta's reaction to episode 5, where he said, "Holy shit, they made Jayce hot! [...] My dude went from looking like a Muppet to the king of Rohan, and all it took was a little bit of trauma."

This isn't entirely new for him? If people didn't hate Jayce back in S1, they ogled him in the scene where he works on the Forge shirtless, which IS kinda the point because the animators are making him very obviously attractive. But most importantly, he as a character has been reduced to his sexual or romantic relationships since the beginning of time.

It seems that S2 is a response to this in a way. His arc from the ending of S1, where he took responsibility of his actions out of guilt for the child he killed, was slightly set aside for Viktor. Well, ALL of his life, dreams, decisions, everything about him was eclipsed by Viktor's shadow because of the whole "all times, all possibilities" twist. He wasn't expected to show up as a Councilor in any of the meetings, and we must assume he quits at some point, but he surely hasn't resigned from his position by the time Viktor wakes up. Apart from that much needed scene between him and Cait, and the one where he attends the memorial (and is attacked by a vengeful mother), we don't see many of his decisions or what leads him to make them, other than Viktor. This is beautiful in a way because we can SEE how it is a trauma response to losing him. He is obsessive by nature, and he clings to what keeps him and his loved ones safe excessively, but I still had to do a bit of mental gymnastics as to why he went back on the second promise: to not build Hextech weapons again. (Hint: it has to do with the fact that VI saved him with HIS weapon, but it went so fast it's hard to process in the first watch.)

Now back to the sexualization problem. Every time I look up his name and trauma, or PTSD, 95% of the results are thirst edits on Tiktok about how hot he is. No joke. One of the more serious results is my own edit. Of course, a lot of people connect with his suffering without naming it as trauma, and that is great. My concern is that there has been so much focus on Jinx's trauma, Viktor's trauma, even Silco's trauma (which are all valid and fascinating to explore), but there's less attention for other characters who clearly show how their own traumatic experiences has shaped them. Vi, Caitlyn, and Jayce are some of the clearest examples of this, and they've experienced some truly heinous things in the show. Trauma cannot be compared, ever. But why is it that Jayce, who lived through an apocalypse that HE knows HE caused, and lives in complete isolation except the "company" of metal watchers, to the point that he loses touch with reality, and is changed so irrevocably that he loses the naivety and starry-eyed optimism that has always defined him...is seen as hot? And more importantly, why is it that there is very little attention to his experiences on that cave? Every scene between him and Viktor is uploaded in 1080 HD quality, but the scenes of him alone? Fighting to survive? Showing remarkable resilience in the face of his suffering? No, that's not as fun. Not a single one of those scenes is uploaded fully, and I have checked many times. (Some people have actually skipped those scenes to focus on Timebomb. I'm...)

I went online and looked up "why do people sexualize traumatized characters" because let's face it, it's real, it's interesting, and I cannot judge or else I am a hypocrite. Bucky Barnes, Loki, Ellie Williams, Dean Winchester, Vi herself, the list goes on much longer but I can't think of others off the top of my head. We connect with their suffering, and we are pulled by their experiences.

However, Jayce is such a complicated case because he is usually thought of as the greedy himbo that fumbled two baddies, or the confused bisexual, or the guy who lost it because of a situationship (much like Vi, who DID NOT lose it because of a failed romantic endeavor bfr). And then the plot goes and tells us, "Actually, yeah, his life outside of Viktor doesn't matter, he's not even supposed to be alive, because Viktor saved him. All of time is completely inextricable from Viktor." People hate meljay because she manipulated him and "trapped" him in a relationship or something, only to celebrate it when something suspiciously similar happens with the male romantic interest? I initially thought it was beautiful too, bc Soulmates, but man. Mage!Viktor really left the man he loved to rot in complete isolation, eating raw reptiles until throwing up, losing his mind. Say what you want about the allegory for Viktor's life, at least Viktor's isolation was metaphorical up until the Glorious Evolution.

Despite us being shown this, people make thirst edits of him in his black fit, and fighting with sexual tension with Viktor. I fear...that I am the only one who finds this tragic. The man forced to create a larger than life persona to sell his work and be seen as an attractive pawn of the system, has become the attractive pawn of the narrative. Viktor's narrative.

Perhaps Viktor was forgotten by the world. But Jayce's kind heart, and brave soul, were forgotten by us.

Just some thoughts to chew about my favorite character and my wish that more people focused on his arc with me

#discussion #reblog #jayce talis #arcane discussion #arcane meta

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vettelsvee · 1 day ago

Text

COME WHAT MAY | Sebastian Vettel ✩₊˚.⋆ PROLOGUE: A PHONE CALL AND A NEW BEGINNING [PREVIOUS PART] [NEXT PART]

come what may masterlist | formula 1 masterlist

Red Bull Sebastian Vettel x Red Bull intern & Webber girlfriend!Reader

SUMMARY: Sebastian breaks up with Hanna and Y/N, his best friend, offers him to go to her hometown to try disconnect from everything. However, things take a turn for the worst when Mark Webber, Seb's teammate and Y/N's boyfriend, calls her and starts thinking she's cheating on him with Vettel.

WORD COUNT: 7337

WARNINGS: Angst, curse words and bad language, such a toxic Mark Webber, mentions of death, cancer and suicide

TAGLIST: @hc-dutch @raavadakedavra @coffeedestroyingperson @evey-kuznetskova @bowielovesyou @chaoswithus @isotopemylove @iceman-kazansky @residentdemonhunter @astronomyandfrogs @herdetectivetheorist @prttylight @i-love-sirius-black7 @dreamauri @03071987 [feel free to join the taglist!]

VEE'S NOTES: I absolutely adored writing this, so I hope you like it reading too! If so, feel free to comment me your thoughts, as well as rebloging it since I'd appreciate that a lot! Thank you so much for reading in advance <3 ↳ MAKE YOUR REQUESTS | TALK TO ME! | FORMULA 1 MASTERLIST

Linz, Austria January 15th, 2010

"Sometimes I wonder if, besides whether I deserve everything I've achieved, I'm actually doing good enough to keep it. I mean... do I deserve my position at Red Bull, or are they just keeping me because Seb was the one who got me in, and now I'm also Mark's girlfriend? And about that last part... am I really what my boyfriend deserves, or, like dad says, is it just a passing fling of a few months where I only want to sleep with him as some sort of stress relief? Seb says that, as long as Mark makes me happy, that's what matters, but... does Mark really make me happy? Or is it..."

"I'll open the door, Dad!"

Louisa's voice snapped you back to reality.

Carefully, you put away the journal he had given you for your twenty-first birthday, which had served as your therapy ever since, in the nightstand drawer. Then, you jumped out of bed with an energy you hadn’t felt in a long time and cheerfully walked over to your desk. You carefully moved aside the scattered notes you still hadn’t put away despite the semester ending two weeks ago and made sure everything looked as presentable as possible. Your straightened hair fell over your shoulders, though your bangs needed a little fixing, nothing you couldn’t adjust with your fingers. You also applied some lip balm, more to add a bit of shine than to keep your lips hydrated. Lastly, you adjusted your clothes as best as you could, trying to relax as much as possible and, most importantly, remind yourself that he would be more than happy to see you, no matter how you looked.

You knew that Sebastian Vettel was just your best friend, but in some way, you always tried to appear as perfect as possible before him to show you were worthy of his friendship.

You knew that, no matter how much Sebastian had cherished you since you both met in 2008, when you joined Toro Rosso as an intern while he was already a driver, he was better than you in every way.

The door suddenly opened, pulling you out of your thoughts and revealing your two younger sisters peeking through the gap.

“Why are you taking so long?” Amelie, 15, inquired. “It’s not like your boyfriend just arrived…”

“Yeah, yeah! Why are you getting all pretty?” The youngest, Louisa, 8, chimed in. “Seb is already downstairs waiting for you. He’s talking to dad and uncle Hans about football, and I’m so bored…”

“Shut up you idiot,” Amelie responded, giving her a light shoulder tap. “Don’t listen to her,” she turned to you. “What they’re actually doing is grilling Sebastian about why he’s here today and, more importantly, why he’s staying with us for a few days.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. As far as you could remember, Seb hadn’t mentioned anything about staying over.

“What do you mean, staying with us? Seb said that?”

“Uncle Hans thinks he’s just a friend, but dad believes you’re sleeping with him while also sleeping with Mark,” Amelie retorted.

“How the hell would I be sleeping with Seb?!” you shouted, making your sisters step inside the room and slamming the door shut. “That’s… ridiculous, that’s what it is,” you added, trying your best not to curse.

“But if dad says it, it must be true, Didi,” Louisa replied, a bit annoyed. “You know dad never lies to us.”

“Listen to me, both of you,” you cut them off. “I need you to behave and promise me something.”

Amelie and Louisa exchanged curious glances before looking back at you.

“I don’t want you to mention Mark in front of Seb. No jokes, no side comments about how much you dislike him… nothing. Got it?”

“Why can’t I tell Seb I don’t like Mark if it’s the truth? Do I have to lie to him?” Louisa asked with her characteristic innocence. “I like Seb a lot, and I don’t want to lie to him…”

“Because…”

“If you’re hesitating that much it must be because you really are sleeping with Seb.”

“Amelie, shut it! Lou’s here!” you scolded, glancing at Louisa.

“What does sleeping with mean? Does it mean you’re dating?” Louisa asked, looking at you one again with a mix of curiosity and doubt.

“Seb doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore, okay?”

Your statement left your younger sisters stunned. Louisa had liked Hanna quite a bit, and she had always been nice to her whenever they met. Amelie, on the other hand, even though she had liked the German woman, started wondering why that same German, who had seemed so in love with his girlfriend, had suddenly broken up with her.

“Seb isn’t with Hanna anymore?”

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself and give them a convincing answer, even though you didn’t have one herself.

“Yeah, Seb isn’t with Hanna anymore,” you replied as calmly as possible. “Don’t ask why because he didn’t give me many details other than, well… that he needed a break.”

“Does Mark know about this not-so-surprise visit?” Amelie asked, crossing her arms.

Your heart skipped a beat. If there was one thing you hated about your middle sister, it was how nosy she was for a 15-year-old. If she was like this now, you didn’t even want to imagine what she’d be like in a few years.

“Not everything revolves around Mark, Ame,” you brushed off the question because you didn’t know how to answer that no, your boyfriend had no idea about this visit, which you were more than thrilled about. “Seb is my best friend, and he’s going through a lot. And do you know what good friends do in bad times? They’re there for each other.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say…” Amelie replied, unconvinced.

Louisa, who was about to say how happy she was that Vettel was there with them and how much she preferred him over Webber as your boyfriend, was interrupted by their father’s deep voice calling from downstairs:

“Y/N Y/L/N, get down here! Your guest is tired of waiting!”

You quickly checked your reflection one last time, grabbed your phone, and, before opening the door, turned to your sisters with a stern look:

“You two,” you pointed at them, “no jokes today. Not a word about Mark or anything related to him.”

The youngest nodded enthusiastically, bouncing slightly as she headed for the stairs. Amelie, however, simply shrugged and smirked mischievously.

“I’ll think about it,” she said before following Lou down the stairs.

“Amelie!” you hissed under your breath.

“Fine, fine. I promise…”

Rolling your eyes, you made one final check to ensure you looked perfect before stepping out. Your heart pounded uncontrollably as you descended the stairs. You tried to push aside any thoughts that could make your reunion with Sebastian awkward, or let your nerves get the best of you.

However, everything seemed to go to hell the moment your eyes landed on the German.

Sebastian was there, chatting animatedly with your aunt, Johanna, who was chopping vegetables. You were taken aback to see him with his sweater sleeves rolled up, still wearing his Red Bull beanie, as he carefully cut something.

Afraid your friend might catch your staring, you quickly glanced at the dining table, where your father and uncle were still engrossed in the football discussion Lou had mentioned. Your sisters were at the other end of the living room, turning on the Wii console, likely to start a game of Mario Kart and try to get Seb to join them.

You looked back at the driver the moment you heard him laugh, probably at something your aunt had said. He looked so natural, so comfortable, as if he truly belonged in your family. He hadn’t changed much since the last time you saw him, nearly three months ago, but you suddenly felt a strange sensation in your stomach, similar to the anxiety you got during exams, but for an entirely different reason.

The more you observed him, the more you noticed how tired he looked. How… sad he seemed. And somehow, in a way you couldn’t quite explain, that made you feel absolutely awful.

Or perhaps you were beginning to admit what you had never acknowledged to yourself in order not to ruin the friendship you had always needed but never truly had.

“Ah, Y/N! Look who I put to work. He’s better than me at cutting onions. You should tell Seb to come visit us more often, so he can help me when your sisters don’t want to.”

Seb turned at the mention of his name. The smile he had missed so much appeared on his face the moment he saw you. Before you could say anything, he closed the small distance between you at an incredible speed and, without a word, embraced you.

You remained still for a few seconds, surprised and unsure of what to do. The contact completely unsettled you, but as soon as he started stroking your hair, you relaxed and returned the hug, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist and pulling him closer.

“You don’t even have an idea of how much I’ve missed you, Y/N,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your head.

“I missed you too.”

And you have no idea how much, you thought, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

Why did your entire being seem to change, becoming something so complicated and inexplicable, whenever he was near?

If only he knew what that farewell at the last Grand Prix of the season had meant to you…

When you pulled apart, the driver studied your face carefully. There was something about you that felt a bit unfamiliar… different. He couldn’t tell if it was your hair, a little shorter since the last time he saw you; the dark circles under your eyes, more pronounced than they should have been after three weeks of vacation before starting your final university semester; or the evident weight loss.

“I really wanted to see you again,” he forced himself to say instead of asking what had happened to you to make you look so… different.

You forced a small smile and lowered your gaze, embarrassed by not knowing what else to say. You had thought of telling him that he looked great, because, in your eyes, he always did, but decided against it, considering the reason he had come to visit.

“So they put you to work, huh?” you finally said, gesturing toward your aunt, who was watching them while continuing to prepare dinner.

“Not really. I volunteered,” Seb replied with a smile. Johanna was about to say something, but the young man interrupted her. “It’s the least I could do after you let me stay here for a few days.”

You swallowed hard. You were more than happy to have your friend stay with your family for a few days, but… why couldn’t you remember anything about that conversation?

“And let me tell you, he’s an excellent volunteer. If only Mark were more like…”

“You don’t have to treat him like royalty, Johanna,” you cut off your aunt before she could say more. Seb blushed and started nervously playing with his hands. “He’s just…”

“Yes, I know, your friend,” the woman replied, apologizing to you with a glance. “But, as your friend, he is also our guest, and he deserves the best. Besides, he doesn’t complain about my excellent taste in music, unlike someone I know…” She added, glancing sideways at her husband.

Seb chuckled, leaning against the kitchen counter without breaking eye contact with you.

“At least it’s better than those weird songs Ricciardo used to play when we were at Toro Rosso. Do you remember when he got obsessed with playing Nessun Dorma before every race?”

“Oh God, don’t remind me. I love classical music, but I still have nightmares about that.”

You both laughed at the memory of the year you met, when you had become each other’s biggest support. Everything had changed, perhaps too much, in those short two years, but what mattered most was that you still had each other, no matter what.

At least, for now.

You tried to step a little closer to Sebastian, but the sound of your father dragging his chair and moving toward you made you step back shyly.

“Well then… what’s the plan, Vettel? Are you staying here for a few days?”

Seb nodded nervously at Bernhard’s question. Even though he knew your father well and had met him countless times, he always felt nervous whenever they shared the same space, especially when they had a conversation.

“Well… yes. If that’s okay with you, of course,” he quickly added, stepping closer to the older man. “I needed to get away from Switzerland for a bit, and even more from Heppenheim… to clear my head. And, to be honest, there’s no one else I’d rather spend this time with.”

His gaze shifted to you, who were trying to process his words. You kept glancing nervously between Bernhard and Sebastian, afraid one of them might say something inappropriate.

“Of course, kid,” your father finally answered, giving Seb a pat on the back. “You know you’re more than welcome here. Hell, I should pay you extra for taking such good care of my little girl when you’re away!”

“Dad…”

“I do it gladly, Bernhard. I’ve already told her, but in case she’s forgotten, let me say it again: I love spending time with Y/N.”

You lowered her gaze, embarrassed by all the attention you were receiving, and especially by the scene unfolding before you. You didn’t need to look up to know that Seb had his eyes on her, just like your father. You also knew that your aunt was probably muttering some comparison between your best friend and your boyfriend, and that your uncle would soon join in.

Sebastian took a chance and, while continuing to talk with Bernhard who, due to his worsening health, had quickly taken a seat on one of the dining island stools, wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

To their surprise, no one objected.

“Uh… Dad?” you spoke up, your voice small and hesitant as you carefully removed Seb’s arm and leaned over the kitchen island.

“Something wrong?”

“Would you mind if… if Seb and I went for a walk?” You asked timidly. “And would it be okay if we had dinner out?” You added, this time addressing your aunt.

Johanna set down what she was doing and turned to you. She narrowed her eyes slightly, inspecting the pair of friends. Then, she placed the knife on the cutting board and turned to you with a smile.

“Why are you asking me? You’re twenty-one, almost twenty-two, sweetheart,” she answered, now turning to Bernhard, who agreed with his sister-in-law. “You don’t need our permission to go out, Y/N.”

You opened her mouth to respond but immediately closed it again. Your cheeks turned a deep shade of red, standing out even more against your now pale skin. You stared straight ahead, absentmindedly playing with the hem of your sweater to avoid saying anything inappropriate again.

To hide the fact that your insecurity and discomfort had, in some way, worsened since certain events with a certain person.

“I think Y/N just wanted to check in case you were making extra food for dinner, Johanna,” Seb intervened. You met his gaze, silently thanking him for stepping in. “But if you’re worried about anything,” or Y/N, he thought to himself, “I promise to bring her back at a reasonable hour, safe and happy.”

Johanna raised an eyebrow. Meanwhile, Hans and Bernhard exchanged knowing looks, probably misinterpreting the German’s words, as they suddenly started chuckling.

“Don’t even think about setting a curfew for my girl, Vettel. You’re a Formula 1 driver, and my daughter is six months away from graduating university. You’re both adults, for God’s sake!” Bernhard laughed, trying to keep a straight face.

“We just don’t want you getting into trouble,” your uncle added. “I’m a lawyer, but I wouldn’t want you two as clients, especially not for free.”

Sebastian widened his eyes, unsure how to take the comment. You, on the other hand, just tried not to die of embarrassment, silently praying that the German was taking everything in stride.

“Not to doubt you two, but, you know… trust is a dangerous thing.”

You can say that again, you thought, remembering the man twelve years older than you who, during your entire winter break, had barely reached out more than twice with phone calls that didn’t even last five minutes.

"Well, I think it's best if we start heading out," Seb commented as he grabbed his jacket from the back of a chair. "Come on, Y/N," he said, taking your hand while waving goodbye to your family with the other. "We won't be late, I swear!"

Your sisters said their reluctant goodbyes, thinking the German was going to play with them. Meanwhile, Hans and Bernhard started making bets about what would really happen between the two of you that night.

Johanna was the only one who walked you to the door, carefully adjusting your coats, scarves, and hats as if she was your mother.

"Have fun, you two, you deserve it. And you, Seb, don't think you’re getting out of helping me tomorrow. You still have to teach me that lemon cake recipe you always say your mother makes."

"Don’t worry, Johanna," Seb replied while holding the door open for you. "I’m saving my morning for you and your cooking sessions."

The woman smiled, delighted to have the German around, and said goodbye to you once more.

As soon as you stepped outside, the cool night air hit your faces. You took a moment to inhale and exhale, relaxing and feeling, for the first time in a long while, free. More than anything, you felt like yourself. Seb walked beside you, unable to stop smiling, grateful to be in his best friend’s hometown, with you by his side, helping him get through the rough patch caused by his breakup with Hanna.

"Do you always blush that much around your family, or is it just when you have company?" Seb asked after a while, nudging you playfully with his shoulder while keeping his hands in his pockets.

"Don't start with that, Seb! You know I can be a little shy sometimes..."

"It's okay, I already knew that," he interrupted. "I think it's really cute when you blush."

"Sometimes you're unbearable, you know that?" you shot back, playfully.

"I know, but you love me anyway."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. One you couldn’t argue with because she completely agreed.

And that, more than comforting you, made you worry more and more about your relationship.

Despite the recent snowfall, the streets of Linz were busier than you had expected. The ice-skating rinks were packed, and to your surprise, the winter market stalls, forming a kind of fair that attracted people of all ages almost daily and which you loved visiting, were overflowing with people.

Although taking Seb there had been your original plan for his first day, you had decided to do something more intimate with him instead, something you hadn’t done in a long time, not even with Mark. However, you knew your relationship with the German was special enough to share something so personal with him without regretting it afterward.

"Since this is the first time you’ve come to visit me, I’ve put together a little tour so you can really get to know my city," you explained, looking at him. "That way, when you leave, you’ll know Linz as well as I do. And maybe, if one day you bring someone here..."

"You’re going to show me what tourists don’t usually get to see, aren’t you?" he interrupted. "I mean… promise me you’ll show me every last little corner, even the ones way out on the city outskirts. That could really come in handy someday."

"No problem. I’ll show you everything you want," you replied, flashing him a proud smile.

He laughed at your comment. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he awkwardly brushed his right hand against your left one. You blushed and tried to move it away, but Seb didn’t let you, he ended up taking your hand, not caring that you were just friends and that you had a boyfriend.

Because you were just that, friends. No matter how much he wanted it, he could never, in his life, date someone like you. Because while Mark was already a man with a clear path and a well-established career, he was just a twenty-something still learning from every mistake he made.

With your hands still intertwined, Sebastian’s gaze roamed the streets, the people, and the buildings surrounding them.

"This place is beautiful, and peaceful in its own way despite the bustle. I can see why you love it so much..."

You nodded, feeling your heartbeat speed up. Linz wasn’t the best city in the world, nor did it hold many good memories for you since your mother’s suicide and your sudden move to Spain. But, at the end of the day, it was your home, and hearing him appreciate it meant more to you than you could ever admit.

You walked in comfortable silence for a while, stopping every so often so you could point out your old school, your university, and even your favorite café, the one you used to go to when studying at your aunt and uncle’s house became too chaotic.

However, just as you were nearing the place you wanted to take Seb, he broke the silence with a question that, while not entirely unexpected, was the last thing she thought he would ask.

"How are things with Mark?"

The casual question made you slow your pace slightly before quickly recovering and catching up with Sebastian.

"They’re… fine," you said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "You know, the usual. He’s in London, I’m here, we call each other..."

Don’t lie to him, Y/N.

"And does that make you happy?"

"Yes, of course."

You wanted to tell Seb the truth, but you couldn’t.

This time, he was the one who needed support, not to listen to complaints and tears about a relationship with a questionable age gap and an even more questionable dynamic.

"And how are you doing after everything with Hanna?" you asked, changing the subject and hoping you hadn’t overstepped. "Ever since you called to tell me what happened, I’ve been worried, but I didn’t want to push..."

Seb’s expression darkened slightly. He let out a sigh that you were sure he had been holding in longer than he would’ve liked, staring straight ahead as you walked.

"We’re okay. I’m okay," he corrected himself. "Nothing weird happened or anything, it’s just that…" he trailed off, possibly choosing his words carefully before continuing. "We ended things amicably, you know? No hard feelings, no fights, nothing like that."

"Well, I’m glad to hear that," you replied, choosing your words carefully as well. "It caught me completely off guard because… I don’t know, it seemed like everything was fine. You two were together for three years…"

"Yeah, three pretty good years, but I think we realized we were only staying together because we were comfortable, because it was our routine, not because we actually loved each other." He paused, looking at you. "She never said it, and neither did I, but I get the feeling we wanted completely different things in life, and that was hurting us, even if we didn’t mean to."

"And that makes it even harder..."

"Exactly," he admitted, giving you a bittersweet smile. "But I feel like it was the right decision for both of us. It’s just that… making such a risky choice after thinking about it for so long, and wanting to do the right thing, is tough. Honestly, right now, being alone again is really difficult, but I guess it’s just a matter of time before I get used to it."

You didn’t know what to say, and you had no clue what deeper meaning lay behind Sebastian’s words.

"You won’t be alone, Seb," you managed to say, trying not to get nervous. "You have me."

He looked at you, his body relaxing slightly as your steps fell back into rhythm.

"I know. And, even if you don’t believe it, that means much more to me than you can imagine."

For a moment, nothing and no one else existed, just you. You stared at each other, lost in each other’s eyes, as thoughts raced through your minds. Thoughts that, if spoken aloud, would haunt them for the rest of your lives, shattering everything you knew and had between you.

It wasn’t until you cleared your throat and quickened your pace that the moment broke.

"Come on, we’re almost there. I have a reservation at seven, and I don’t want us to be late."

"Wherever you say, my dear tour guide," Seb replied.

After walking for a few more minutes, you stopped in front of a restaurant tucked away in a small alley. Sonnengarten, garden of the sun in German, was written at the top of the façade, painted in a warm yellow color. Along with the soft lights illuminating it directly and the hanging flower baskets, it invited people to step inside. The instrumental music playing, what seemed to be rock from the '60s and '70s, was the cherry on top.

“Well, here we are,” you said, visibly excited as she entered the restaurant.

Seb watched you, noticing the special sparkle in your eyes.

“Thanks for bringing me here. It’s obvious this place means a lot to you.”

“It does,” you nodded, a small smile on your lips. “My mother used to bring us here every weekend. We always switched up our orders because, well, we loved, and still love, trying new things, but my dad always ordered a schnitzel,” you explained with excitement. That only made Seb feel even more grateful that you had brought him to such a special place. “My sisters and I would always try to convince him to try something different and share some of our food, but he always refused and made up some silly excuse.”

“So, this is like… a sacred place for you, right?”

“Yes, very much so. But since my mom passed away, we haven’t come back. Actually, this is the first time in years that I’ve come here to eat…”

Your statement made Seb’s chest tighten. He knew how Rosalie, your mother, had died nearly eight years ago. He was fully aware of the impact it had on your life, which was precisely why he was more than grateful that you were sharing this detail, this part of your life, this seemingly important family tradition, with him.

His friend. His best friend.

“Really, Y/N, thank you for bringing me here,” the driver said sincerely.

Before you could respond, a middle-aged man appeared in front of you. He quickly approached you and hugged you, a gesture you gladly accepted.

“My dear Miss Y/L/N! It’s been so long, little one! You finally decided to come eat here again… it was about time!”

“I’m really happy to be back as a customer, Matthias,” you replied kindly.

The man’s eyes shifted to Sebastian, whom he openly scanned from head to toe. Once he recognized him, his eyes widened. After all, it was widely known in the city that Y/N Y/L/N was not only an intern for one of the most successful Formula 1 teams of the past year but also lucky enough to be working with one of the sport’s rising stars.

“Well, well, Sebastian Vettel!” the man exclaimed excitedly, offering his hand to the German, who shook it with a smile. “Are you two dating?” he asked curiously.

“No, no! He’s just a good friend of mine,” you said quickly, avoiding Seb’s gaze. “My… boyfriend,” you managed to say, barely containing youR embarrassment, “is the other Red Bull driver, Mark Webber.”

“Oh, well, no problem!” Matthias laughed heartily, giving Seb a friendly pat on the shoulder. “Any friend of our Y/N is a friend of ours. Now, come on, I’ll take you to the Y/L/N family table. I’ve been reserving it since Y/N told me she was coming.”

Sebastian observed you as the waiter led you to a table in a corner by a large window. You simply shrugged and smiled, feeling proud to see how happy and, most importantly, how at ease the boy seemed.

You couldn’t help but feel a little nervous and special at the same time when, before you could sit down, Seb pulled out the chair for you and pushed it in gently once you were seated.

“Well, Miss Y/L/N, I’ll be back in a bit with the dishes I know are your favorites. Enjoy your evening.”

The waiter winked at you and, once he was far enough away, you buried your face in your hands, utterly embarrassed by the scene you had just lived through.

“Oh god… I can’t believe he thought we were together,” you murmured. “Everyone here knows I’m with Mark…”

“Well, maybe they think we’d make a good couple.”

Seb laughed at his own comment, and you shot him a death glare, though it didn’t last long as the corner of your lips curved into a smile.

“Don’t start with that too.”

“I’m just joking, Y/N,” Vettel said with a satisfied grin. “Besides, if people think we’re together and we get, I don’t know, good tables like this one,” he pointed at their spot, “and free pastries like the ones the bakery lady gave me near your house today, I wouldn’t mind pretending we’re a couple.”

You rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop the flicker of warmth that bloomed inside you as you imagined a hypothetical situation where you and Seb were together, where you shared more than just friendship.

“Well, I think it’s time we have a slightly more serious conversation, so no boyfriends, exes, or fake relationships,” you said as you leaned forward, resting your elbows on the table. “What’s the plan for this year? Do you think you can win the championship?”

“That’s the goal, my dear," he chuckled, pouring himself a glass of water and taking a sip. “For now, I think the car is good, and we have a strong team, but you know how things can go…”

“The important thing is that you have what it takes, Seb: talent and ambition.”

He smiled, a little shy at your compliment, and adjusted himself in his seat.

“So, you better be ready to put up with me every time you win,” you continued playfully.

“Only if you ditch Mark so we can celebrate properly.”

Sebastian immediately realized he might have messed up with that comment.

You, instead of responding, did your best to force a smile and act like you hadn’t heard what the German had just said.

“By the way…” the driver spoke carefully, knowing he might be treading on dangerous ground. “When are we going to plan something? I came here, but you know… plans like we used to make when we were at Toro Rosso and before you started dating Mark…”

You didn’t know what to say. You hesitated before answering, thinking about how things had changed since you were single and he was in a relationship with Hanna, who had always been wonderful to you and never minded Sebastian and you hanging out together. She had even tagged along on some of their outings, something that made you feel terribly guilty but, at the same time, too bad to refuse given how kind both of them were to you.

“I don’t know, Seb. Things are… complicated, different… It’s nothing you don’t already know.”

It’s obvious there are things Seb doesn’t know. Don’t fool yourself.

“Well, we’ll come up with something,” he replied, trying to believe his own words. “We could go out after a race, grab something to eat… Or, I don’t know, during the summer break I could take you to the karting track where I used to go as a kid and see Michael…”

You couldn’t keep listening because it hurt. The idea of doing such personal and meaningful things with Sebastian was difficult to process, especially considering you were dating Mark, and no matter how much you tried to talk to him about it, he wouldn’t take it well. You didn’t deserve that kind of attention, even though it was the only way someone had ever shown her… affection, love, or any of its variations. Mark had barely paid you any attention since you started dating, something you had noticed in other couples but had never experienced yourself.

Seb kept talking, but the sound of your phone ringing, a childish melody set by his sister Louisa, snapped you back to reality.

Your heart clenched when you saw Mark’s name on the screen.

Your stomach twisted, anxiety creeping in, the weight of everything you hadn’t told anyone, not even Seb, suddenly pressing down on you again, returning in full force as if it had never left, not even when Webber seemed to have forgotten about you.

“Are you going to answer?” Seb asked, tilting his head slightly as he noticed how doubtful you were.

You didn't move. You couldn't. You weren't ready to face a call from your boyfriend after weeks of not hearing from him, especially not in the situation you were in.

And even less so considering who you were spending time with at that moment, and how stubborn Mark had been about your relationship with Sebastian ever since you started dating, even knowing that you were, in reality, just very good friends.

“It’s just… It’s Mark,” was all you could whisper.

“And are you just going to let it ring? Come on, Y/N, he’s your boyfriend. It’s not like he’s going to kill you if you answer.”

“I’ll call him when we get home,” you swallowed hard, feeling your hands starting to sweat.

“Y/N,” Seb said, sounding more authoritative than he would have liked. “It’s just a call. What’s the worst that could happen?”

If only you knew...

“Come on, Y/N, pick it up. If he's calling, it must be important.”

Your fingers trembled slightly until you finally decided to press the answer button.

You forced a smile, even though the only thing you wanted to do at that moment was cry and tell Sebastian the whole truth. Instead, you put the phone to your ear and answered, trying your best to keep your voice steady.

“Hello, Mark…”

“Damn, it’s about time you answered. Do you mind telling me where you are? I’ve been trying to reach you for days and days, and you’ve just ignored me.”

It’s a lie, Y/N. He hasn’t called. He’s manipulating you because, once again, he’s forgotten about you...

“I’m out,” you replied, controlling everything you said while looking at Seb, who had started talking with Matthias. “I’m having dinner.”

“And who exactly are you with?” Mark asked disparagingly, totally suspicious of you.

You gripped the phone tightly and opened your mouth to respond with the first excuse that came to your mind. But before you could, Matthias started talking too loudly with your companion:

“You’re such a gentleman with our Y/N, Sebastian! Are you sure you’re just friends?”

“Just friends, Matthias, really,” Seb replied cheerfully, although alert to you, who seemed terrified.

“Sebastian? What exact Sebastian, Y/N?”

Your blood ran cold when you heard the aggressive tone Mark was using on the other end of the phone.

“Mark, it’s not what you think…”

“Who the fuck are you with, Y/N?” Mark exploded. Even Sebastian and Matthias, who were still talking, seemed to hear the yelling coming from the phone. “Are you with Sebastian Vettel? Is it the Sebastian Vettel I’m imagining?”

“Mark, please, let me explain…”

“Explain what?” the Australian's voice started getting louder and angrier. “That you went out to dinner with him as if that was the most normal thing in the world?”

Seb, noticing the sudden change in you, both in your mood and body language, became alert. He turned his attention back to the waiter, this time giving an excuse after he placed all the plates on their table so that he could leave and give you some privacy.

Your tense posture and the fact that you became so silent, just listening to what his teammate was saying on the other side of the line, didn’t go unnoticed by him, and he knew there was more between them than what his friend wanted him to know.

“Take good care of her, Sebastian. Y/N deserves the best.”

Seb smiled kindly at Matthias’s words, and his eyes followed him until he was far enough away. His eyes then returned to you.

Something wasn’t right, and it was creating a feeling of internal rage in Seb that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Mark, I’ll call you when I get home, okay? I don’t want…”

“So you’re with him, right?” the Australian spat, not letting her finish. “Sebastian Vettel... Out of all the damn people you could be with, you’re with him…”

“Mark, please… Let me explain…” You started, your words already bordering on pleading.

“Think about the kind of girlfriend you are, Y/N,” his voice, though calm now, you knew he was about to start throwing poisoned darts that would torment you in the weeks to come. “While I’m busting my ass working, training, doing everything I can to move the damn team forward, you’re out there with the guy you claim is your best friend, going on dates. How would you feel if it were the other way around, Y/N?”

“It’s not what you think,” you whispered, unable to control the tremor in your voice.

“Oh really? Then what is it? Because to me, it looks like you're acting with another man the way you should be acting with your boyfriend. How do you think that makes me feel, huh?”

Don’t believe his words, Y/N... He’s trying to convince himself that it’s your fault just because he’s ignored you for almost a month...

“Mark, he’s my best friend, and you’ve known that since before we started dating. I haven’t hidden it from you, just like I’m not hiding anything from you now.”

Sebastian, paying close attention to every word from you, felt his heart drop at what you had said, especially the tone you used.

You mattered to Sebastian, just as he mattered to you.

“I wouldn’t take a girl to the city I grew up in if she was just my best friend, leaving my girlfriend feeling like second best, but hey, to each their own…”

You sighed, unable to stop looking at Seb, hurt by the words Mark had just said, even though you convinced yourself, despite knowing you were lying to yourself, that the Australian cared about you enough to consider you a girlfriend.

Oh my God, Y/N, you haven’t even met his parents yet…

“You’re being unfair,” was all you could say.

“No, if anyone’s being unfair here, it’s you, Y/N,” replied Mark. “You’re selfish, and you think of no one but yourself.”

“I don’t want to keep talking about this, Mark…”

“Of course you don’t. Because you don’t want Seb to know what you’re really like,” Webber said harshly. “Maybe I should tell him myself. Do you think he’d believe me? Would he still want a bitch like you if he knew the real you?”

Your stomach dropped at what Mark had just said. You didn’t know what to say; you didn’t know how to contradict him because you knew it was impossible to make him think otherwise.

The worst part? Sebastian’s face went completely pale, which made you worry even more about what your friend might now think of you.

Without saying anything else, and while you still faintly heard the Australian’s reproaches, you ended the call, throwing the phone harshly on the table and unable to control your hands, which were shaking more and more.

“Y/N…” Seb spoke, unsure of how to approach the conversation he wanted to have with you about what had just happened.

“It’s... It doesn’t matter,” you corrected yourself. The last thing you wanted was for that heated conversation you had had with Mark to ruin your time with Seb, especially your stay with the German. “Let’s eat and let everything else rest, okay? I’ve been planning this for weeks, and I don’t want to ruin it because of a conversation that never should have happened.”

Seb didn’t seem entirely convinced by your words, and even less by your attitude. He knew you were broken inside at that moment, and nothing hurt him more than knowing he didn’t know how to help you.

“Y/N, if something’s wrong... you can tell me. You know that, right?”

You tried to force a smile again, but it was impossible. Instead, tears began to fall from your eyes, and no matter how hard you tried to control them, you couldn’t.

“It’s okay, Seb, it’s nothing. I swear.”

Lie to yourself if you want, but don’t lie to him.

“Really, Y/N... No matter what you need or when you need it, I’ll be here... You’re not alone, Y/N, okay? Come what may.”

You looked at your hands, now in Seb’s. His thumb was calmly rubbing over them, something Seb knew perfectly well relaxed you when you had anxiety, like now, when you felt on the edge of a panic attack; or at least, that’s what the constant feeling of suffocation you couldn’t shake off told you, no matter how hard you tried to control your breathing and especially promise yourself that everything would be fine.

Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N, Mark’s voice echoed in your head in such a scene, making you pull your hands from the table and hide them beneath it, embarrassed.

Sebastian sighed, knowing he wouldn’t stop trying to help you, no matter how reluctant you were. If you wanted to end the contact, so be it, but that didn’t mean he’d stop trying to make sure you were okay.

“I mean it, Y/N,” the guy insisted. “Whatever it is you’re going through, you don’t have to do it alone. You’re my best friend, and best friends are there to support each other. Just like you’re doing now, with me, with Hanna,” he added.

You looked up at him again, and your chest tightened. How could he be so noble with you? How was he able to say the words you needed to hear at every moment? With Mark, you felt small, as if you didn’t matter at all, but Seb... he made you feel like a princess straight out of a fairy tale, whose ending was still to be written.

“Thank you, Seb,” you murmured, unable to take your eyes off those blue eyes that so relaxed you. “For… everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. That’s what friends are for.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe that, unlike your boyfriend, if you even were, or ever had been, someone could care about you. You didn’t want to give your best friend false hopes, but the way he treated you, how it seemed like he cared...

Why did Seb make you feel like the most special person in the world when the person who was supposed to care about you the most didn’t even bother to try?

Sebastian Vettel knew you like the back of his hand, and that was exactly what scared you the most.

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not-xpr-art · 2 days ago

Text

Curled tight as a question mark...

(01/2025)

Ok so I've been super obsessed with the AMAZING Trolley Problem AU fics by @silverview & @unreesonable (where Drew is the 22 year old Blake abuses instead of Ellie) for literally ages so it was only a matter of time before I'd end up doing some art based on it pfft...

Links to the fics below btw (also gonna ramble about this piece a bit since, as usual, I put way too much thought into it pfft)!!!

a better son / daughter

special arrangements

and all I'll do is kiss him (btw title of this piece actually taken from a line in this one which I really loved!!!)

spaces between

Highly recommend all of them btw, they're so GOOD!!!!!

~~~

Ok, so I immediately wanted to do a sorta twisted version of Klimt's 'The Kiss' but the concept kinda got away from me as I was painting it... Plus I couldn't get the vibrant gold colour to work with the general colouring of the figures so the background became like vaguely vaginal curtains that I could probably spin some kinda symbolic link to Drew's mother if I wanted to lol...

(think I made a joke on bsky that I'm in my Georgia O'Keeffe era and NO one laughed smhsmh...)

I've also been wanting to do something based on the iconic The Fallen Angel painting by Alexandre Cabanel but never really had a particular subject in mind... until NOW! (ofc the emotion is different but idk I think the reference still works... Drew's tears are more desperate, hopeless, resigned, and perhaps less angry than Lucifer's?)

I wanted the piece to feel like Drew is trapped. Trapped by his turbulent relationship with his mother and father, trapped by his status and position in life, trapped by his sexuality, trapped by the drugs... And ultimately trapped by Blake, who was supposed to offer him a paternal embrace, a comforting hand on his shoulder, to properly help guide him out of the hole he's stuck in but all he did was take advantage of his vulnerability and drag him further into that pit...

Also, kinda funny story, but I tried doing a cute romantic in9 art before I started this but my brain and hand were having none of it lol... NO adorable yaoi for you manipulative toxic yaoi ONLY !!!!!!!

Stylistically I wanted to try and make this look sorta traditionally painted, which involved me using a combo of my regular program alongside ms paint since I like the texture of some of the brushes on there tbh (plus those brushes are really great for painting body hair which I had so much fun drawing a lot of here lol)! Overlaid with a vaguely canvas-y texture lol

Oh, and also I put the diamond pattern of the jumper Drew wears in the episode on his underwear here both because it was going to get covered if I put it on his t-shirt and because it's sorta a fun way to reflect how this is an AU lol

Also have some close ups since tumblr has completely destroyed the quality of this lol:

(final close up is actually of a version of the painting without the texture overlay btw which is why the colours are slightly different, but I thought it might be interesting to share so u can see the brushwork texture a little better??)

uh anyway... that's all folks lol!

#artists on tumblr #inside no 9 #in9 fanart #inside no 9 fanart #the trolley problem #drew dawson #blake chambers #art based on fanfiction #digital painting #digital art #au #this is an even more self indulgent art than usual and i regret nothing pfft

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goldsbitch · 3 days ago

Text

Twelve Grapes

-chapter 7, part 1 - A bit of a bad boy

Yeah, sure. Let’s do the talking on track. Only - the track is public roads of Monaco and the talking is a couple fight.

word count: don't even ask, it's getting out of hand warning: kissing, m/m, Jos Verstappen A+ parenting introduced, few awful homophobic comments, couple fight

"Max, if you don't want to have the whole of Monaco gossiping about us, you're going to have to stop touching me every time the realtor turns his head around," Charles stifles as he reluctantly pushes Max's arms away from his waist. Both of them know Charles does not really mind Max's hands roaming around his body.

The Dutchman laughs. "The guy is too focused on explaining why this specific faucet is the best in the world, I don't think he remembers we're here," Max argues and steals one kiss and pinches Charles' hip. But, after that he caves in and puts his arms away from Charles and does few steps back, to create a distance that would somewhat be acceptable for "a buddy who's helping him pick out a new apartment to move in". Charles walks toward the realtor guy to listen to a lecture on kitchen cabinets, something that Max knows he secretly enjoys. Max still does not understand why all of a sudden Charles needs his own apartment. Yes, technically, he's still living with his mother. However, realistically, he spends any free moment in Max's place. The phrase "a Ferrari driver can't be living with his mother" is not a strong argument in his opinion. He lets them debate about the marble tile materials and takes one more walk around the place. It's a particularly nice apartment, the best one so far. Main feature being the massive terrace overlooking the city and sea. Provides enough of privacy for them to let go and promises a notion of domestic freedom. It's been just a few months since they first hooked up. Seems like ages ago, everything went to quickly and naturally after that. Max especially appreciated the fact there was no bullshit needed with Charles. They both understood the predicament. Keep things private from others. Don't let their relationship affect racing and vice versa. It was surprisingly hard to watch Charles and his first potential win slip through his fingers. Max won't ever admit this to him, but it's going to be way harder to balance this than he ever expected. And the season has just started. He will uphold their unspoken agreement. Charles has entered his life in a measure like no one else before. Max prays that he is mature enough to not fuck it up for both of them.

He joins Charles back in the kitchen and waits for the damn realtor walk away to the bedroom again, before caging Charles against the kitchen counter, back to back. He bends him over and hold him by his hair.

"Max," the man, who's ass he's pressing into, warns. But even though he can't see Charles' face, he can hear the hidden amusement in his tone. Max chuckles and rolls his hips into him. It would only take a moment for the realtor to turn and spot them in this position.

"What?" he whispers into Charles' ear while giving it a quick lick. In return, he starts to melt under his touch immediately and almost gives in to whatever Max would suggest. As always. "I need to make sure the kitchen is up to our standards. We don't exactly use it for cooking," he comments, images of him fucking Charles hard against the counter at his home flooding Max's brain. He knows Charles enough to know that it takes everything he has to wiggle out of the embrace and walk away, like a responsible adult would. But it's all clear when he flashes him a flirty smile on the way over to the realtor. Just like Max, he is nothing but a horny post-teenager, who would happily get bent right then and there. His hot, desirable and inescapable Charles. With dimples created specifically to make Max lose himself in them.

The start of his dream career in Ferrari is about as hard as expected. Completely new environment to blend into, battling the strange combination of part of the team believing Charles is there to help them get to the top, generational talent and all that, and the other side of the garage, that is still bitter about Kimi Raikonnen getting replaced by a rookie. Then there is Sebastian Vettel. Someone he used to look up to. It took him the first two races to abandon that sentiment completely. Seb radiated a sort of tired, I'm-so-over-it energy that poisoned anyone who was willing to listen. And the fact Charles looked so happy to be part of the old, somewhat stagnant team, was not exactly helping their teammate energy.

The Ferrari engagement is ten times more demanding than his workload in Sauber was. Charles' life lately has been reduced to his work and Max exclusively. Time with friends replaced by PR duties and trying to make space for some downtime with one of his biggest rivals. And here's the wildest thought he keeps for himself. He'd give anything to have Max as a teammate. It might be not exactly the healthiest of wishes, but after getting stuck in another strategy meeting, when he's on the receiving end of Sebastian's self-introduced Ted talk about how the current newcomers into F1 don't follow the proper ethics of racing (something Charles finds incredibly ironic, coming from this man), he's getting more and more annoyed with this approach. They are not there to drive around all politely and harmoniously. He never thought that the biggest inspiration he'd take from this legend of a driver is to make sure he never falls into the trap of this attitude.

He can feel himself spacing out during the drivers parade. Sebastian is standing next to him, nagging something to his ears about a hot reporter standing nearby, challenging Charles to come out of his shell for once. He's not listening to him. His eyes keep sliding over to a certain driver.

Charles can’t stop himself from watching Max, even when it’s dangerous to look. Which seems to be the case all the fucking time. There’s something magnetic about the way Max carries himself, completely unaware of how he commands attention. Not just from Charles, but from everyone. It’s in the sharpness of his jawline, the way the light catches in his sun-streaked hair, and the way his eyes, icy and calculating on track, turn softer when they’re alone. Max Verstappen in public is a machine, a flawless embodiment of focus and precision. Max in private? That’s the man Charles loses sleep over. Endlessly proud to know he's the only one who can see him like that. They never discussed what they were - and Charles is grateful for that. Because there is no need. It took them one night spent together to know it is inevitable.

Max, dressed in his Red Bull kit, stands at the other end of the drivers’ parade truck, casually leaning against the railing. His laughter cuts through the general hum of the crowd, drawing Charles’ attention like a moth to a flame.

Charles knows he shouldn’t stare, not with Sebastian Vettel by his side, who is murmuring something that’s no doubt vaguely inappropriate. But Charles has stopped caring. He can’t help it. There’s a warmth in Max’s laughter that Charles rarely sees, a kind of unguarded joy that makes him wish they could exist in a world where nothing had to be hidden. Where Charles could walk across the paddock, curl his hand around Max’s wrist, and pull him into a kiss for everyone to see.

His pulse quickens at the thought.

He knows the paddock is connected through and through with affairs and relationships. But, he can't help but fall into the pattern of thinking the two of them are just so much more than what anyone here around them have. They don't need the layer of secrecy to keep the blood flowing. It's a burden, not a blessing. Max glances over at him, catching him mid-stare. For a moment, the world narrows to just the two of them. Charles feels like he’s standing still while the truck rolls on, the crowd cheers, and the cameras flash. Max’s lips quirk into a small, knowing smile. It’s nothing much, just a subtle curve at the edge of his mouth, but it’s enough to make Charles’ knees weak. It’s infuriating how easily Max gets under his skin, how even in a sea of people, Max can find him, target him, and ruin him with a single glance.

He recalls last night - another impulsive, reckless visit after terribly long day. Max had pinned him to the wall of his hotel room, breathless and relentless, as if daring Charles to pull away. He hadn’t. He never could. They made a deal to avoid visiting each other's hotel rooms as much as possible, keep their affair locked in Monaco, where they could be somewhat safe. But how does one do that, when they get to spend so much time together?

Standing on the track, anthem blaring, Charles feels the weight of it all. The impossibility of their situation. The inevitability of it. Max is the one thing Charles has, and nobody can ever know. The one thing making him able to unwind and with that, he's giving him all the power in the world to destroy him.

When the anthem ends and the drivers disperse, Charles doesn’t let himself glance Max’s way again. Not until he’s strapped into the car, visor down, engines roaring around him. Only then does he let his mind wander, let himself imagine what it would feel like to have Max beside him - not as a rival, but as a partner.

And in that fleeting moment, before the lights go out, Charles feels it in his chest. The ache of loving someone who has set his entire world on fire. Charles knows this is real. There is no need for the "what are we" talk. It's been so obvious, even for his anxious soul, that what they have is real.

At that time, he has no idea that last night was the last one he'd spend moaning Max's name in good faith and not cursing him until the morning hours.

It's his first Monaco home race as a Ferrari driver. The team has got his schedule planned out to minutes every day. Still, he manages to sneak in one dinner at mamma's apartment, just like the old days. Charles sits at the table, in the same chair he’s occupied since he was a boy, but tonight it feels different. Heavy. The kind of heavy that presses on your chest, makes you shift in your seat, and has your fingers nervously spinning a fork against the edge of the plate.

His mother bustles around, humming softly, the clatter of pots and pans filling the room. She’s always been able to fill the space, even when it’s quiet. Normally, Charles finds comfort in that. Tonight, though, it just makes the knot in his stomach tighten.

She’s been on him for weeks now - little comments slipped into phone calls, questions disguised as casual curiosity but cutting deeper than she probably realizes.

“Where do you spend your nights, Charles?”

It’s why he got his own apartment. Her gentle but relentless probing on where he hangs about when she knows he’s in Monaco.

“You’re doing a bad job at pretending you’re only happy because of Ferrari. Is there someone special in your life? You look like you're in love.”

The hardest one. The one that makes him want to blurt it all out something he had never said out loud to anyone ever, not even Max: Yes, I am in love, more than I ever thought possible.

“Why can’t you tell your own mother?”

He puts the fork down harder than he means to, the sound startling both of them. She looks over her shoulder, brow furrowed, silence crawling around the room, filling every free space.

Charles takes a deep breath, his heart hammering in his chest. He’s dying to tell someone. To tell her. To share the happiness that bubbles inside him every time Max so much as looks at him, the way Max’s smile makes his world turn upside down. He’s already nearly spilled it to Pierre more times than he can count. And now, sitting here, the words claw their way up his throat faster than his brain can stop them.

“Okay,” he blurts out, his voice louder than he intended. His mother turns fully now, watching him with that patient, all-knowing gaze that makes him feel like he’s still ten years old and caught stealing cookies. “Yes, I’m with someone.”

Her face softens immediately, curiosity lighting her eyes. “I knew it,” she says, tone laced with the feeling of winning, the same one he uses when he himself stands on a podium. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Who is it?”

He hesitates, his hands curling into fists on the table. Every muscle in his body tenses as the next words tumble out.

“You won’t like it, Mamma. Nobody will. It’s career-ending if it gets out.”

She sits down slowly, her brows knitting together in concern. “Charles,” she says carefully, leaning forward. “I might not understand racing as much as you do, but I do understand love. The time I spent with papa was the best thing I could ever wish for. And if my child, the one born out of our love, is experiencing the same thing, nothing else matters.“ It's becoming impossible to fight the urge to tell her the name immediately. Because what does one say to follow up that.

She continues. "Is it someone from Ferrari? You can tell me. You know you can tell me anything."

"No," he speaks, his voice sharper than he intended. Her expression flickers, and guilt washes over him. He softens, exhaling shakily. Fuck it, there goes nothing. Maybe the questions will stop after this. "It’s a man."

There it is. The truth. The first and most terrifying step.

She doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even blink. Instead, her head tilts slightly, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "And?"

Charles stares at her, his mouth dry, his heart pounding. That’s it? No judgment, no hesitation?

He swallows hard. "And... I’d like to bring him over for dinner," he mumbles, the words feeling foreign on his tongue. His chest feels tight with adrenaline, but there’s something exhilarating about it too. Like throwing himself into a corner on a wet track, knowing it could go horribly wrong but trusting himself to pull through.

His mother reaches across the table, placing her hand gently over his. "Charles," she says softly, her voice unwavering. "Anyone who makes my child happy is welcome in this house."

The weight in his chest shifts. Small wave of temporary relief washes over him, so profound it nearly makes his head spin.

"Sunday," he says quietly. "After the race."

She nods, smiling warmly as she squeezes his hand. "Sunday it is. I’ll make something special."

It all dawns on him on the way home. By patching a small wound, he managed to create a whole different one. He’s not just made a promise to his mother. He’s made a promise that relies entirely on Max agreeing to something he knows Max won’t like. Charles stops in the middle of the street, the cool night air biting at his cheeks. He can already imagine the way Max will react. The scowl, the tension in his shoulders, the way he’ll cross his arms defensively and say something like, "Schatje, why do you always have to make things complicated?"

For a moment, Charles considers calling the whole dinner off. He could make an excuse, tell his mother Max is traveling, or the timing isn’t right. But then he thinks about Max - about the softness in his eyes when they’re alone, the way he reaches for Charles in the quiet moments, the quiet vulnerability he hides from the rest of the world.

Charles loves him, even if he struggles to say it out loud. He’s just going to have to convince him, let him break through his shell.

As he unlocks his apartment door, Charles resolves to talk to Max. He can already feel the nerves twisting in his stomach, but for once, the fear doesn’t outweigh the hope.

For Max, for them, he’ll make it work. He just has to. Otherwise, what is the point of all of this? He does not need to flaunt their love in everyone's faces. But he wants at least someone to know. He's proud of their unlikely journey. So proud, it makes his heart want to jump out of his chest sometimes.

Max loves race and practice debriefs. He always has. The precision, the data, the raw feedback, it’s where he thrives. Things are clear when data is involved. No margin for assumptions of decision based on false pretense. But today’s debrief feels different. Suffocating. Mainly, because the data speaks for itself.

The sour feeling starts with the slides. A giant screen dominates the room, displaying Charles’ lap times from practice, sector by sector, alongside Max’s. Every thousandth of a second where Charles was faster is highlighted in beaming bright red, as if to drive home the point. This season, there are people specifically designated to dissect Charles’ times. He’s the main enigma, the unknown. Max tries to shut off any guilt creeping in. His personal life has nothing to do with what happens on track. He knows that’s not what team would think. Had they found out that Charles regularly wakes up in his sheets, they’d find a way to use it for the team to beat Ferrari.

“Leclerc was gaining on you in Sector 2 here,” the one of the strategists assistants speaks, circling a specific corner on the map with his laser pointer. “You carried too much speed into Turn 6, and he took a tighter line—clean, precise. That’s where the gap started.” Long gone are the times when the people in the room would feel like they had to sugarcoat the truth to Max. Overtime, they leaned that the best way is to serve it as it is.

Max’s jaw tightens. He stares at the screen, but the words blur together. This isn’t the first time they’ve dissected Charles like this, and it won’t be the last.

“His medium-tire stint was particularly strong,” another engineer chimes in, clicking to the next slide. It’s a chart, Charles’ performance in clean air compared to Max’s in traffic. “He’s consistently managing his degradation better than you in the latter half of the stint. We need to figure out how to counter that.”

Max’s fingers tap against the table, a restless rhythm that no one seems to notice.

"It’s not just the car," the strategist continues. "Charles is not afraid to play dirty with his teammate." Max should feel proud. He’s the one who’s been drilling that into his brain. Now, it’s starting to feel more like digging his own grave. "You saw how he defended in Turn 3 today." The unspoken end of the speech hangs in the air. He’s beating you, Max. If he goes like this, he’ll finish the season above you. Get a grip.

There’s an edge to the words that grates on Max’s nerves. He knows what they’re implying. That Charles is evolving, becoming sharper, stronger.

"He’s reading you," the engineer adds, tapping his pen against the table. "You’re predictable to him in some situations. We need to mix things up. Throw him off. Make him doubt himself."

Max finally looks up, his expression blank but his voice cold. What a bizarre thing to get asked of. "You want me to play games with him?"

The room falls silent for a moment. The engineer hesitates before replying. "Not games, Max. Just… keep him guessing."

Max leans back in his chair, exhaling through his nose. His team has no idea how hard it already is to keep things straight with Charles. On the track, off the track - it’s all a balancing act. A line he has to walk perfectly every single time.

"Anything else?" Max asks flatly, his voice cutting through the tension.

The strategist frowns, glancing at the screen before turning back to Max. "We’re not saying he’s unbeatable, Max. But you need to stay sharp. Leclerc’s coming for you, and he’s not going to let up. He’s your biggest threat this season."

The words linger in the air, louder than the hum of the projector or the scribble of pens against paper. Max doesn’t respond. He doesn’t trust himself to. Because what can he say? That Charles has already gotten under his skin in ways his team could never imagine? That every time they ask him to find a way to "beat Leclerc," they’re unknowingly poking at something far more personal?

Max clenches his fists under the table, his nails digging into his palms. He forces a small nod, his face carefully blank.

“Understood,” he says, his tone clipped. "Monaco race this weekend is a crucial one,“ the head strategist adds and Max almost laughs, because he says this about every fucking race.

The debrief continues, more slides, more data, more dissection of the man Max has to pretend he’s indifferent to. But the truth lingers just beneath the surface, raw and unresolved.

Charles isn’t just his biggest rival. He’s his greatest weakness.

As he drives home, he can’t stop small doubts forming in his head from getting louder with each corner he passes. Days, months and years spent, sacrificed, only to get him to where he is now - and suddenly, it feels like he is letting that all pass through his fingers for few moments of unfiltered pleasure. Guilt enters the chat. Work of so many people tainted, because he can’t keep it in his pants. This is the first time he cancels on Charles. He does not trust himself around him today.

It's a long Thursday evening talk, topic being the Sunday dinner. And it goes just about as Charles expected. Back and forth - it's not a fight per say, but it does resemble one.

Max argues that Charles is pushing things too quickly. That to bring up the topic of official introduction to his family day before qualifying is a low blow. That he should have talked to him before agreeing to step big like that. Charles apologizes many times, comes close to pleading for making this happen. Apologies don't seem to land well with Max. Surprisingly, Charles is the first one to reach anger. Does not understand why Max pushes so much against this. He asks hard questions that Max can't answer. Throughout the talk, Max becomes more and more numb. In the end, he agrees to the dinner. They fall asleep next to each other and don't fail on kissing each as a last thing of the day.

Once the idea flourishes in Max's head for few days, he becomes more accostumed to it. Pascale is a kind woman. If Charles believes she will be supportive, he just has to trust him. He wishes he could find the time to tell him in person, but another busy weekend prevents him from doing so.

DNF. In Monaco. Charles is fuming. He's smashing things again. Tears fall down his cheek in the privacy of his driver room. His home race. Fumbled from the start, he didn't even get to finish - which in hindsight might be a blessing. Having to drag his half functioning car back to the pit and look at the faces of sympathetic mechanics. As always, he stares misery right into its face and watches the rest of the race, eyes glued to the monitors. He gets to watch Max, cruising through and then experiencing the brutal Hamilton ruling the world of racing. He's witnessing the cheer in Ferrari garage as penalties push Vettel in front of Max. He's not even sure how he feels about that one. What he would like to believe is that there isn't any part of him that would be happy about Max missing the podium. The internal decision comes - ignoring any thoughts reaching that topic, shutting down and focusing on his own tragic race. Next year. It will just have to be next year. As he walks through the hoards of reporters, sponsors, fans and just about everyone he's ever met, he feels so painfully small. A confused, beaten up child. It all melts into one big blur. He hides in his new apartment and ignores Max's texts.

Max manages to get hold of Charles the following noon. It's clear in Charles' tone that this one stings. Max tries to distract him and for a moment it almost works.

"I'm excited about this evening," he hears Charles getting little more relaxed once they get onto this topic.

"Are you sure you don't want to meet up before that? So that we could like, hang out prior to speaking to Pascale?" Max can't shake this strange feeling that he does not want to walk in there without seeing Charles first. Just few months ago, the man on the other side of the phone call would do almost anything to prevent her from finding out. And now, he's urging him to walk in as if it was the most casual thing ever.

"I think I need to clear my head from the race alone. Just for a little longer...Oh and Max, just a reminder - my mom does not really like red roses," Charles says instead and has Max roll his eyes. Talk about subtle demands.

"You're impossible," he says instead of any filler words.

"And yet..."

"And yet."

Somehow, with the way how tragically his first home race with Ferrari went, this dinner is starting to become the one light that's still up there to guide Charles out of this with at least some achievement in his pocket. The one thing he can win. Last part of his life where has some control left. These past few days have been several steps back for every one tiny leap forward. But his mother and Max might just be the last people who won't look at him with the quiet, suffocating pity that twists the knife of his own humiliation. With Max, it's an agreement - they don't hang out together directly after one of them has a bad race. It's too hard to navigate. They don't feel sorry for each other. The urge to seek validation after a failure is something they have to saturate elsewhere. It feels like first day of school. Charles gets ready at his apartment and arrives to his childhood home with enough time to spare, with the intention of pretending to help his mother in the kitchen, while both of them know she'll do anything in order for him not to meddle. He ignores everything else happening, pushes all this weekend inside and fills his head with daydreams about Max and Pascale finding common ground, about Max fitting into his safe space perfectly, cementing their connection. They'll tell the story of how they got together for the first time and truth be told, Charles can't wait to hear Max telling his point of view. His mom will get to be the first witness of their connection. He'd been terrified of her finding out about them, so to allow himself to make this extra step has been a thrilling distraction from it all. He can see it clearly: Max in his sharp, casual confidence, offering his blunt humor in the way that always disarms Charles, even when it shouldn’t. Pascale teasing Max, probably about his awful performance at the hair salon that morning after their first night together, and Max would lean into it, charming her in that effortless, maddening way of his. By dessert, Pascale would see exactly what Charles sees - the real Max, the man beneath the hard edges. He has a good feeling about this - his mom is already asking him so many question about "the mystery guy" that's on his way. And Charles talks and talks and talks.

A long hour later, the table is set, the food is warm, and Pascale is opening a bottle of wine. But Max isn’t there.

At first, Charles tries not to think too much of it. Max is probably running late, nothing unusual in the racing life. He tries to ignore the fact Max is rarely, almost never, late. Charles double checks the text he had sent him, just to make sure he did not mess up the information about the time or address. In the middle of each of her stories, Pascale finds a moment to pause, seemingly addressing the situation, non verbally. It only takes one look. While she does not approve of this behavior, she is there as a supportive figure. It keeps Charles going. Max won’t miss this.

Still, as Pascale lights the candle in the center of the table, Charles finds himself glancing at his phone. No messages. No missed calls.

Pascale has a talent for addressing the unspoken. She’s been silent on this topic for some time, filling the space with latest stories from the neighbors, skillfully getting away from the topic of Charles’ visitor.

"He’s probably just caught in traffic," he says aloud, mostly to himself. "Lot of the roads are still blocked," he addresses the obvious. Like this is Pascale’s first time being in Monaco during a Grand Prix.

Pascale doesn’t comment, though he notices the small glance she gives him, her quiet way of observing.

Charles picks at a piece of bread, his nails all gone now as a result of his never-ending bitting. Ten minutes pass. Then twenty.

The silence starts to press in. Pascale makes an effort to fill it, chatting lightly about the neighbor’s new dog or the strange man she saw at the market, but Charles can’t focus. His mind keeps drifting to Max.

What’s taking him so long?

His phone vibrates, and he grabs it instantly, his heart leaping. But it’s just a notification from one of his racing group chats. He sets the phone back down, his chest tight. Pascale is doing her best to lighten the mood up. She began to avoid the subject of Charles' lover just when it started to be clear he is late. Painstakingly so.

The bouquet of white lilies and pale pink roses sits forgotten on the counter, the paper wrapping soaking at the bottom. Max glances at the clock for the third time, his chest tight with the nagging guilt of being late. Pascale is waiting. Charles is waiting. He needs to leave.

But, that is currently not an option. Just as he was about to put his shoes on and head out, his dearest father decided to pay him an unannounced visit. One of the pro's of Monaco racing weekend. Everyone is in town.

"Dad, I'd love to chat, but I really have to get going," he says again, speaking in Dutch, as they always do when their alone. But Jos is standing firmly, blocking the hallway, his arms crossed, and that familiar expression - half-smirk, half-glare - plastered on his face. He owns the room. Max knows this face. Whatever is about to follow is not going to be nice. He asks him once more, if the matter at hand really can't wait until tomorrow. The only reaction he gets from his father is a nod towards the kitchen table. There is nothing else for Max to do than follow his lead, unless he want to get into a fight immediately.

"So, where are you rushing so much?" Jos asks once they're both seated, his tone calm but carrying the unmistakable weight of trouble in the air.

Max knows better than to not proceed with caution. This is not a friendly catch up. This is a screaming warning: negotiations ahead.

"Dinner," he keeps his answer deliberately short. Somehow, even this one word gets Jos rilled up. His lips shut into a thin line, his gaze stuck on the table, where his fingers are tapping the glass.

"With who?" Jos shots back, his voice slicing through the air.

Max is calm on the outside, storm of panic brewing on the inside. He knows. "Nothing serious," he lies.

There is a momentary shine is Jos's eyes, as he smirks once again. "That is a good answer. Remember it."

It's like a knife to his chest. Before diving into the difficult conversation, Max manages to send a quick text to Charles, while his father smirks at him. He does not have time for an apology.

The text message is short. Too short.

I’m not going to make it. Need to talk.

The words blur on the screen as Charles stares at them, his breath catching in his throat.

He reads it again, and again, his fingers tightening around the phone until his knuckles turn white. Need to talk. The phrase feels like a punch to the gut, its weight heavy with implications he doesn’t want to consider.

Pascale’s voice pulls him out of his spiraling thoughts.

"Charles?" she asks softly, her brow furrowed with worry.

He blinks up at her, forcing himself to breathe. His mind races, scrambling for something to say that will keep her from asking too many questions.

"He’s not coming," he concludes finally, his voice flat, hollow. ůSomething came up."

She frowns, leaning forward slightly. "Are you okay?"

"I’m fine," he lies, sitting still. "He’s not like this…He cares," Charles does not know where the tendency to defend Max comes from or why it is here, but it's an automatic reflex. Nothing is lost, yet. He tries, desperately, not to panic. His racer instincts kick in and his body is taking in this new wave of adrenaline. He must have pushed Max too far. It was a mistake to force this upon him. He’ll need to do some damage control. The realization that just because someone is willing to spend every available night kissing you goodnight does not automatically mean that they are ready to be your official partner. Charles is a romantic person - something that not everyone might share. He like to believe life is better than it usually is.

It’s fine. It’s fine, it’s fine, totally fine. He’s trying to hide his hand that began to shake a minute ago. If he stays strong, his mom might just believe that Max is not a complete asshole.

There is unmistakable sorrow and a hint of disappointment in his mother’s face, but her words tell a different story. Somehow, this disconnect makes it all just a little redundant. She is dancing around the truth that both of them don’t want to address. "I know, Charles. I’ve known you well enough to know that you won’t just settle for anyone. It’s ok. A strong relationship won’t crumble over one missed dinner. Don’t let that happen."

They sit like that for about ten minutes, which for Charles seems like seven hours. Charles knows there is nothing his mother can say to make this go away. He is still for one more second, before he stands up abruptly, the chair nearly falling down.

"I'm sorry mamma, I have to see if everything is alright." Without waiting for her response, Charles grabs his jacket and heads for the door. His heart pounds as he pulls it on, his mind a swirl of emotions - anger, disappointment, confusion, fear and all of these are tripping one over each other creating a cacophony he does not want to listen to. Not this weekend. Not after the fumble of a race he's had.

As he steps into the night air, one thought rises above the rest: This isn’t like Max. Something’s wrong. All he knows is that he can’t sit still, can’t wait for Max to decide when and where they’ll have this talk, which is apparently so important they can't have dinner at his mother's house prior to that.

Rip the bandaid quickly. If Max won’t come to him, Charles will go to Max. Whatever’s happening, he’ll find out. He has to.

With a swift move, Jos whips out a paper folder, its edges worn as though it had been handled too many times. He sets in on the table, slowly, and to be honest, overly dramatically. It slides toward Max.

Max glances at the folder and then at his father's face, obviously inviting him to open this up. Max is determined to stand his ground as long as possible. He does not move.

His father only smiles at the lack of reaction. "You already know what this is, don't you?" It could be anything - leaked texts, phone call recordings...But most likely a photo. Max tries to brace himself and his last though is that maybe, just maybe, he is wrong and whatever this folder contains does not have anything to do with Charles. He is not wrong. It's obvious from the first second he sees the image. Staring back at him is a blurry, but clear enough photo of him giving a small peck on Charles' cheek. The smile on the Ferrari driver, wide as the sun, makes it sting all that much more. On a normal day, he would be almost grateful to have a photo like this in his possession. He recalls precisely what moment this commemorates. He forgot himself, or possibly ignored for one second the fact they were out in the open, and kissed Charles, after he messed up yet another English idiom. It was the cutest thing. He was about to pay a gigantic price for the warmth he felt that one time. Max is not a man to cry easily. But there's only so much he can take as a person. After the initial drop of his stomach, he gathers up all the strength he has within him to keep it together in front of his fucking father. He looks up and is met with one of the worst expressions he has ever seen on him.

"What, you're only going to look at one photo?" Jos teases, raising his voice, while smiling evilly and starts to shuffle the folder. "Because, there are plenty. Oh, look at that, here it looks like you're holding his hand! It'll look great in the family photo book!" He smashed the pile of photos down with unnecessary force. There must be about ten pictures mapping their short trip from Max's apartment. His heart keeps sinking.

"I'm sorry," Max mumbles quietly, not really knowing what else to say. Part of him hopes that this is all just a really bad nightmare.

Jos switches up his expression, going from almost mocking Max to more distressed. "I'm not even going to comment today on the fact my son likes to fuck pretty boys," he says casually and ultimately, by putting it like that, it brings Max back to when he's ten again, keeping his helmet on just in case his father decides to hit him because of his bad performance on karting track.

"Where did you get this?" Max asks quietly with the intention to keep the conversation as factual as possible.

Jos snorts. "Where do you think? Do you think this kind of thing stays hidden? Do you think nobody is watching you, waiting for you to slip up?" He gestured at the photo. "This? This is a gift. A warning. One that I had to pay a hell of a lot of money to make disappear. More than most people earn in a year."

There is a part of Max that is grateful for his father being one step ahead of him. He just wishes he wasn't so cruel about it. "How long do you know?"

Jos clearly has no plans on being the one answering questions. "How long is this going on?" It's rhetorical one, a mockery laced with Jos' obvious disgust. He has the upper hand. Max is barely able to hold it together. Anything he says will result in an angry response from his father. Because even it this talk lasts for ten minutes, it's too long.

"Let me be absolutely clear, Max," he speaks again, before actually giving him a chance to respond. "This - whatever it is - ends now."

"You can't force me..."

"I can't? Well...Oh ok. You go and fuck whomever, for what I care. You know what, go on and stay with Leclerc. Wait until someone finds out and then you finally become someone who makes a mark on motor racing. The first openly gay driver. Doesn't that sound amazing?" The way he says it makes it sound like the most pathetic title in the whole world.

"Dad.."

"No, seriously. Judging by your performance of late, you don't have it what it takes to become the legend I've managed to convince everyone you will be. So maybe, this actually might be the only way for you to have a legacy." It stings. Awfully familiarly.

"The world has moved on from this homophobic approach," Max tries, but his words come out weak.

Another half-smirk. "Not the world of F1. Half of our sponsors are from countries where they stone people like you," he says with utmost snobbishness. "This is a direct path to ending your career. But maybe it's good. At least you'll have something else than your abilities to blame for not winning a championship." It's like Jos is a cook and Max is nothing but a piece of bread for him to rip apart. No words come for him to defend himself, or Charles.

Jos takes a dramatic pause and closes the file. "Leclerc is using you. He knows he's not better than you, unless he gets into your head. Which is exactly what is happening now."

Max knows deep down his father is not right. Charles can't be doing that and it would take a hell of a lot trying to even get Max to consider this option. It's everything else that his father has said so far crawls around Max's brain and he struggles to find any arguments to defend the whole affair.

"I saved you this time. But we got lucky. I trust you know what to do."

Max wishes he never woke up that morning.

Charles does not wait before knocking loudly, nonstop. No sound comes from the inside, after a moment the door opens to silent Max, who stands in his otherwise empty apartment. Charles takes a good look at Max, who seems to not be hurt or particularly distressed in any way.

Charles gulps. The air of casualty floating around Max, as if this is just another boring day, is infuriating. His expression speaks a different story. Cold, unapproachable and icy. He imagines this is the look other drivers receive when they cross him. The worst kind of Max is silent Max. He manages to become completely unreadable and in that moment, Charles questions whether he had imagined their whole encounter.

Max does not even greet him. He just stares. There is no quick pulling inside for a kiss. It makes Charles feel guilty, the thought that he’d rather see Max in some sort of crisis, something that would give him a valid excuse for ditching the dinner. But no. There he is. And the sight hurts. Charles fights the urge to rip the beer he’s holding and smash the glass on the floor.

"I see you're ok," he proclaims as casually as he’s currently able to. His mother's words are ringing in his ears.

A strong relationship won’t crumble over one missed dinner. Was this even a relationship?

Max nods and reluctantly steps back, inviting him in and refusing to meet his eyes once he gets closer. Charles can't stop his memory from flashing back to the first time he stormed his apartment and his stomach turns in disgust. He'd probably give up his seat in order to get back to that night, rather than this one.

He has to fight his body from shaking, and his mouth from spilling out sour and needy comments.

"You said we needed to talk. And here you are - not talking." Max shifts his weight, fingers tightening around the beer bottle in his hand. "I'm sorry for missing the dinner." His voice is flat, too controlled, like he’s reading a scripted apology and hoping it’s enough to move on.

Charles does not want to know "what came up". Whatever he might say would probably be a lie anyway. He always believed Max’s biggest issue was telling the truth obsessively. But he has seen him lie to others about them endlessly in the past few months. Keeping him like a little dirty secret. His heart sinks. That must be it. He is so ashamed of being seen with him that even the idea of his mother seeing them together is too much. "I'm sorry I pushed you into it." He does not know why he’s apologizing.

There is a pause on the other side of this conversation. "I like it when you push me out of my shell. I mean, this is how this all started in the first place," Max exhales sharply. It might sound like a fond sentence on paper, but his tone makes a clear emphasis on being pushed.

"I'm sorry I pushed you into that too," Charles lets the words out flatly.

"Stop apologizing, please!" Max finally snaps, his voice cracking with something that’s neither anger nor frustration, but exhaustion. His grip tightens around the back of his neck as he turns away, like he can’t bear to look at Charles when he says it. Like it might break something in him, too.

And it does break something, mainly Charles' patience. "Well then, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell how embarrassed I feel, how I couldn't look my mother in the eyes because even after the shitfest of a weekend I've had, this was the moment when she started feeling sorry for me? Because you couldn't even say why you didn't show up?" Max won't even acknowledge Charles' pain. He's searching for any proof in his eyes that he cares.

Finally, an emotion creeps into Max’s face. Despair and guilt, if Charles is still able to read him correctly.

"I can't do this," Max says the damning sentence. Charles flashes him a look and more adrenaline kicks in. No. He stares back at him. And, like the enigma Max is, he follows that sentence with launching onto him, gripping Charles' head with everything he has and connecting their lips together, before Charles can even register the words. Charles is helpless. Leans into his touch without any hint of self-control. His thoughts are still, but his tongue is roaming about Max's mouth and this kiss is anything but cute, light or romantic. It is hungry, desperate, borderline aggressive. Somehow, they're finally on the same page. Anger ruling their bodies and it all ends up with Max slamming Charles into the wall, full force, so much it almost hurts. In return, he grips his t-shirt as if the goal was to rip the fabric apart. This is wrong, everything about this is like from a bad dream. He can sense it in Max's touch. Charles feels the first tear of the evening rolls down his cheek and it's all so unhinged, which he realizes only once he can taste his own salty tear mixing with Max's saliva. It acts as a catalyst and he breaks down completely, gripping Max's shoulders, as if he's about to disappear if he lets him go. He knows he's losing him, unless he's already lost him. Charles can feel it in the way Max kisses him - desperation, restraint unraveling at the seams, a kind of hunger that feels more like a last resort than something born out of love. He's never felt smaller, so insignificant and down right doomed. Charles is selfish and a dreamer - he wants to have it all. And right now, it’s making him drown in it, as he grasps on the last remaining straws.

Inevitably, Max slows his movements down, initial fire dying down and Charles bites his lip one last time before he starts pulling back. "You're the worst things that's ever happened to me," Max whispers and it's probably intended sarcastically, but right now it only makes a harsh chuckle and few more tears come out of Charles. He leans against the wall and stares into the ceiling, trying to swallow the words I love you before they can escape.

He doesn't say them. Max's words burn him like fire.

"Well, then get ready, because we have a long journey to go through. I have not pulled out my greatest weapons, yet" he replies, not even sure what he means by that. It does however earn him a small sad laugh from Max.

Then, he exists Charles' personal space and starts pacing slowly around, hands on his hips and Charles can't do anything but watch him and wait for his final sentence.

"This has gotten too far," Max announces after few moments and Charles can't but agree - but most likely in a completely different context than Max intended. While he's probably referring to their affair in general, Charles would be referring to the fact he left him stranded and cancelled the last minute - and as it looks like, with zero to no remorse. He stays silent. Max stops pacing, his hands still on his hips, his jaw clenched so tight that Charles wonders if he’s actively holding himself back from saying something worse. There's something new in his expression now - something calculated. Charles braces himself for whatever comes next.

His speech is becoming apathetic. "So, one dinner with my mother is too far."

"No."

Charles spots set of flowers on the table, looking truly out of place in Max's apartment. They're smashed up, like he'd thrown them against the wall and then tossed them aside. Kind of like he does with Charles.

He thought they were meant to be. Painfully similar destinies, yet different enough to keep it fresh. Nobody understands him like Max does. And at the same time, nobody understands him less. They won't make sense to the outside world. He'd always thought that's a good thing. A proof that what they have is real. If it's there, loud and clear, but without a reasonable explanation. That's what love is suppose to be, right?

"Max, what is going on? Tell me. Speak to me. I'm so lost," he pleas, holding on last strain of hope that this is all just one big mistake.

Max stops abruptly, voice heavy with something final. "I can't keep doing this."

Charles grips the wall behind him. Max shakes his head, like he's convincing himself of his own words. "Things are different now. Too complicated. We're risking so much and one mistake can cause us our lives. Fuck - I - Charles, you're my biggest rival."

Charles freezes. It's the desperation with this the last word hit the ground that shuts off all the roads leading back to the place they were at just few days ago. He can't help but laugh.

Max exhales sharply, raking his hands through his hair and speaks in a defensive tone. "Every single meeting, briefing, interview - your name is the first thing to come out of their mouths. ‘Charles is faster in Sector this and look, he's doing that...'" his voice tightens. "Do you know what that's like? To sit there and listen to them rip you apart, to tell me exactly how to beat you - and then come home and pretend none of it matters?"

Charles swallows. Of course he does. He's been sitting in meetings like that for the past two years in F1. Ferrari strategist bring up Max at any given opportunity, mainly to avoid the subject of Sebastian. But...they agreed. Racing and home don't mix. He promised. "Max…" The hint of yet another betrayal is probably more than noticeable in his voice.

Max laughs, but it's cold, tired. "You think they wouldn't drop me in a second if they found out I was fucking my biggest competition?"

Charles flinches. Because now he gets it. This is not about Max being afraid. This is Max's ego swallowing him up hard. This is him, unable to tone out the voice of people who don't even have an idea on what kind of damage they cause with their casual remarks. Max probably loves him - but, he will never hear those words. Because Max also has to destroy him. And he doesn’t know how to do both.

It's clear as day. Some sort of mania takes over his body. It's what it is. Now he gets it. It's sudden, quick - the total opposite to the way how he fell for Max. Charles takes a breath, nodding slowly. "Okay."

Max stiffens. "Okay?"

"Yeah." Charles laughs, but it's empty, broken. "I actually get it now." He leans away from the wall and heads towards the door.

Max moves forward like he's going to stop him, but Charles doesn't let him.

His breath shakes, hands clenching at his sides. "You know, I always thought we had something special," he tilts his head slightly. "But maybe we were just inevitable. Two drivers, too fucked up to be anything but this." It's plain as a day. They were way past their expiration date anyway. Charles tries to burn the image of Max permanently in his memory, standing in his kitchen, vulnerable and open - because he knows he's never going to see him like that again. In a way, Charles appreciates that they depart in this way. He probably couldn't stand watching Max grow sick of him. They were fine just two days ago and now there is no "them" to even speak of. Simple, clean cut.

Max studies the floor, as if it holds some answers. "Charles-"

"No." Charles shakes his head, voice all calm now. "You're right. I don't want to be your weakness. And you don't want to be my distraction," he says, making sure to have the last part come out as cruelly as possible. "So I guess that means we're nothing."

Max’s face twists, his whole body going rigid. "Charles, wait - let's pause and think this over, you're everywhere in my life and I-"

Charles interrupts him, because his mind is already made up. "Well. Let me solve one of your problems for you," he says bitterly and does what is most natural to him when he feels like his presence is making the situation worse than his absence. It's like he's being served this option on a silver platter. He has to smile. They'll end just how they started.

So, he walks out. He recalls promising Max he won't ever do that - and there is a part of him that is doing this purely out of spite, because he knows just how it’s going to infuriate him. And it gives him a sense of control. No longer just reacting to things. He does not need Max. There must be a guy somewhere that will not think of him as an obstacle in his life mission. As an accident that’s gotten out of hand. It's a wave of rush all of a sudden. So he opens the door to unknown rooms inside his head and leaves self-control behind. Invites the most malicious parts of himself inside.

He has to, in order to save what's left of him. It's bitter and he hates it. But he fails to see any other option.

Major chords turn into minor. Leading vocals fade out and the only thing guiding him now is the background noise and the beat of his heart.

He's barely out of the building when his phone start blowing up. Brief check confirms that it's Max. He mutes the phone and buries it deep in his pocket. He needs to get out. For once, Monaco truly has him in a choke hold and he will do anything to leave the city behind. It could burn all down, for what he cares. With Max in it.

Max stays glued to the floor as he watches Charles vanish into thin air. Again.

There was no clear plan when Charles inevitably stormed into his apartment. His father kept on urging him to break it off with Charles, so much that Max smashed the flowers when the door closed behind him. His brain worked in overdrive, justifying following Jos' direction, while every cell in his body screamed to do anything but that. And it all mixed together in a perfect mush. There is a way, there always is. But definitely not the way he handled the whole thing up until this point. Do something, you moron. He's fighting himself on every front and if keeps on doing that, he'll stay frozen in the same spot for eternity.

He whips his phone out while he reaches for his car keys. Charles' number on dial - and then few times more - always ending up in voicemail.

That's it. Unable to just stand there and let this slip past his fingers, he heads out the front door of his apartment building and frantically looks around every surrounding street for a glimpse of Charles. The ghost of him seemingly gone into thin air. So, he hops into his fastest car, cursing himself for losing time.

There is zero remorse regarding road traffic rules as he springs out towards Charles' apartment. He's driving on autopilot, lost in the thoughts about the only person who makes him drive like a possessed madman even outside of the track. Nobody else does that to Max. Is that good? Is that bad? Let's not dwell on that.

The brakes certainly do not appreciate the way Max slams them down, the car barely heating up before he swings it into a violent stop against the curb. The tires screech in protest, the engine growling as if it, too, is furious with him.

Max does not care. The only thing he's focused on is Charles, who is approaching his own car right now. He barely registers throwing the door open, feet hitting the ground with the same force that’s been thrumming in his chest since Charles walked out of his apartment. He calls his name, in loud and sharp voice, cutting through the empty street, but Charles doesn’t even flinch.

Max swears under his breath, picking up his pace and crossing the street. "Charles, wait. Just...Just stop for a second." Nothing. No reaction. Not even a glance over his shoulder. Max's heartbeat pounds against his ribs, frustration boiling over. He reaches out, fingers curling into a fist like he's about to grab Charles by the arm, force him to listen. But Charles is already pulling his car door open. He slides into the driver's seat, fingers gripping the wheel with the kind of easy control Max knows too well. Max watches, helpless, as the engine roars to life.

The brake lights flash red against the night, burning into Max’s retinas like an direct beam of sunlight. And then - Charles drives away.

Not with fury, not with recklessness. He doesn't spin the tires, doesn't make a show of peeling off in a rage. No, Charles drives away calmly. Smoothly. Effortlessly. Not skipping gears or overbearing the clutch. Still, in the split second before he disappears down the street, Max swears he sees it. A smile. It's small, barely there, but it's real. A cruel, bitter thing. A smile that tells Max everything he needs to know. Max stands frozen for a moment, the street too quiet now, the air too thick. His pulse is still racing, and the back light of Charles' Ferrari seem to mock him too. His fingers twitch at his sides.

Slowly, stiffly, he turns back to his own car. The driver's door slams shut behind him. Max grips the wheel too hard, the tension in his jaw spreading through his entire body. The engine hums beneath his hands, ready and waiting. He exhales through his nose, sharp and short.

Then, without hesitation, Max slams the pedal.

Fine, have it your way.

He accelerates at alarming speed and leads his car to follow the annoying red one. There is no tears speared for anyone living nearby, let them all suffer with the sound his car is making. It's a long straight followed by a turn to the left - and then he can see Charles' car again. He's still driving like a civilian, perhaps slightly above the speed limit. Max flashes his eyes further down the line. The road is narrow, but not impossibly narrow. He does not think twice about his actions. Let's hope there is no car driving in the opposite direction. No hesitation. His car surges forward, roaring past the tiny gap between streetlights, sliding up alongside Charles, like they're racing down a straight at Spa instead of a dimly lit city road. Funny, how overtaking becomes possible in Monaco all of a sudden.

Max barely registers the blare of a distant horn, the way the world tilts slightly as he swings into position alongside Charles' car. The only thing he's focused on, apart from the road, is him. Hands steady on the wheel, streetlights flickering over his face, mouth set into something too sharp to be neutral. And finally, Charles turns his head.

Max catches the split-second flicker of pure disbelief in his expression - the way his brows snap together, lips parting just slightly, like his brain is still processing the fact that Max is actually here, driving next to him, in the wrong fucking lane. It's not panic, just shock. Max does everything in order to convey to Charles to stop his car. But, the only thing that does is replacing Charles' shock with something else. Something equally crazy as what can be found in Max's eyes.

Charles fixates his look ahead, position of the hands gripping the steering wheel changing. His shoulders settle, his body falling into something that Max knows better than anyone. The click of instinct taking over and just like that, the all-polite Charles is gone. Max barely has time to react before Charles yanks the wheel right, cutting across the road without warning.

"Fuck!" Max slams his brakes as Charles' car swings violently into the turn, tires marking the street. His tail lights flicker as he disappears around the corner, leaving nothing but the smell of burnt rubber behind. Max barely breathes before he reacts. He shoves his foot against the brake, twisting the wheel hard as his car twists into the intersection. The back tires lock up, the entire chassis shuddering violently as he spins - too fast, too fucking sharp, the whole street blurring past in a rush of movement.

He lunges after Charles. Quickly, he's right behind him again, but this time the other car is ready and expecting him. Max has seen these moves countless times before, but never outside of his helmet visor. Charles does not give him any space, recklessly driving in both lanes, only barely letting random car in the opposite lane pass by. He's reading the street like the beast on wheel he can be. Predicting Max's moves and doing everything possible to avoid Max getting ahead of him. At this rate, this is going to end badly very quickly. Max does one more thing to make this even more dangerous and shuffles around, searching for his phone. This makes him lose few seconds on Charles, but nothing he won't be able to catch up to. Once he manages to find it, he dials up Charles' number, his phone thankfully connecting to his car automatically, as Max has to do another manic turn of his steering wheel. Another intersection passed by. The sound of the phone dialing echoing through the whole car, mocking him and making this all much worse.

Charles is heading east, away from the centre and onto the highway. But, before they get there, he turns the car over the an actual part of the Monaco circuit. A track that has barely been dismantled few hours ago.

Max is now calm and focused. Charles is leading them through turns that feel like they should still have barriers up, marshals waving flags. The ghost of the Monaco Grand Prix lingers. Finally, the familiar angles of corners they both know, not just streets of Charles' childhood hometown.

The hairpin is coming up. Max is calculating all the possible moves the Ferrari can make. Charles is setting up wide, making sure he owns the entry, just like he did in the actual race. Max knows what he's doing. The bastard is using the street as his personal defensive line, keeping Max behind him just enough to make sure he can't dive in without risking everything, in a car that is nowhere near as safe and a formula 1 car. For a moment, he considers doing just that, to prove a point and get the lunatic to talk to him, like a normal person. But, racing instincts prevail. It's a Monaco move. And it's fucking working.

The phone still rings, unanswered, the sound piercing in Max's ears. He clenches the wheel tighter, body moving on pure instinct. The next thing he does is a fake move to the outside, knowing full well Charles will react, will shift his car to cover the line. And the second he does, Max cuts inside.

It's a lunge, one he wouldn't have dared to try in an actual Monaco race, but this isn't an ordinary race. It's something else entirely.

Charles reacts fast - of course he does. He sees Max's front light tilting and closing in and jerks his car over, forcing Max to hesitate for couple of milliseconds. That's all it takes. Max almost gets alongside him again, but Charles slams the gap shut, leaving Max inches away from scraping against the concrete barriers still lining the street.

Max slams the brake, feeling the car lurch beneath him, his heart pounding as he barely avoids disaster.

The phone stops ringing. Finally, Charles picks up. There's a pause, just breath and static, before Charles speaks. His voice is frighteningly calm, steady, like he’s completely unfazed.

"Max. Are you trying to kill us?"

It only makes Max chuckle. He's in line behind Charles' car, practically glued on his back. If Charles slowly down even by one second, Max is full on crashing into him. He does not think about that, he only stops at the thought that this is strangely thrilling. Once again, they're speaking the same language.

"Stop the car and talk to me," he orders and copies Charles' racing line.

Charles laughs. It’s breathless, sharp around the edges, the kind of sound he makes when he’s seconds away from snapping.

"Stop being a little bitch, Max. It's pathetic," he sings and hangs up the phone.

Strong words coming from someone who cried in his apartment just minutes ago. Is this his position now? Playing it out tough, acting like a baby? "Dickhead," he comments to no one but himself.

And then - Charles takes off. Max barely has a second to react before Charles swings his car out wide, flooring it onto the open stretch ahead, heading toward the tunnel.

Max doesn't think. He just follows.

Full send into the last turn of the circuit as he heads over to the regular road. The other lane is filled with cars, preventing Max from making any moves. He's cursing himself for missing few opportunities before, the words of his strategist ringing in his head like a loud alarm he can't turn off. Ironically, this might be the best Charles has ever driven around here. Simply fuckin' lovely. It's impossible to get ahead of him. And even if he does, what will happen then? Is Charles going to crash into him? Will he turn the car around without a care for safety of anyone nearby and this whole circus is going to happen all over again?

They are forced to drive more calmly now, nevertheless, to the other people on this road, it still looks like two reckless idiots trying to kill each other. As the scenery changes and houses get replaced by small trees, Max starts to doubt his genius plan of following Charles. They drive like this for half a kilometer. It's obvious where Charles is heading. The last place where Max can be seen.

He dials the phone one more time. To surprise of no one, Charles does not pick up. Max counts his options one more time. His emotions settling down and reality creeping in. Charles does not want to be caught.

All the fury is gone with the wind. Reluctantly, he slows down the car and at the first opportunity turns in the side of the road and kills the engine. He watches, as the scarlet car keeps on going and going, until it disappears over a hill.

He sits in the car for few minutes, then gets out into the cool spring air. The sea below does not provide any answers into what's going to happen now.

chapter 7, part 2 incoming

------- @chezmardybum @biancathecool

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radioactiverats · 18 hours ago

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Mentor Starscream x seeker!reader (8.5/?)

A little snippet because I am Inspired TvT

——

Joors into your repairs, Starscream had let himself back into the med bay. It was abundantly clear that he wasn’t going to leave.

It took a few lengths of pacing back and forth before Knockout tiredly told him to stay the frag put, and Starscream looked ready to throw hands before Knockout pointedly told him it was a distraction to your repairs - Starscream promptly shut his intake and slunk away to perch sullenly on a nearby medical berth.

Starscream’s optics remained glued to your prone frame, but he would look away every time he felt he was being watched.

Knockout stopped working to look pointedly at him, and Starscream’s optics slid stubbornly to some vials in the cupboard by the door. He probably wasn’t even aware that his wings were twitching something awful, shoulders nearly up to his audials with tension. Ex-venting, Knockout returns to his welding.

“You don’t need to pretend in front of me, you know.”

At that, Starscream bristles.

“Pretending?” He snarls. “I’m not pretending.”

Knockout glances at him.

“If you feel nothing, then why are you shaking?”

Starscream’s optics widen for a nanoklik before he leaps off the berth, wings quivering as he jabs a finger against Knockout’s chassis.

“You don’t know anything,” he hisses. “You’re the one who needs to stop pretending that you do.”

Despite having a faceful of angry seeker in front of him, Knockout merely sighs and, having ascertained that you were stable, clicks the welder off.

“Is it so hard to accept that you’re not the only one who cares?”

Starscream bares his denta, optics alight with fury. “If you care, why do I see no evidence of it?”

“Oh, please.”

Knockout rolls his optics, rounds the table to retrieve a jar of nanites. “I’m just better at hiding it than you are.”

He layers a section of torn mesh with nanites. “Cadet patches you up so often,” he drawls, before Starscream can work himself up even further. “Where do you think the endless medical supplies come from?”

That stops Starscream short. Reluctantly, he realises that he’d never actually thought about that.

A snarky retort dies in his vocaliser with an abrupt click as he raises his optics to Knockout’s faceplate - unlike the smugness he’d expected, the expression on the other mech’s faceplate is… sympathetic. Starscream clenches his servos into fists and turns away with a snarl.

Was he really such an open book? He’d spent endless nights struggling with the thought. Against his better judgement, wants you to know that he cares - the last thing he wants is to see your spirit broken. But… Starscream glances back over his shoulder to your frame, caked in drying energon, optics shuttered and oh so still. He shutters his optics with a shuddering ex-vent. Look where his care got you.

His shoulders slump. Reluctantly, he concedes that Knockout has a point. He’d let his weakness get the better of him - thought it would be okay for him to get attached, thought he could keep you out of harm’s way. When would he learn that he would always be alone? The most unbearable thing, however, was for you to become collateral damage. Never again.

“Don’t,” Knockout warns quietly. “They need you.”

Starscream whirls around, servos clenched.

Instead of the fight Knockout expected, though, the pain in Starscream’s optics is damning. No wonder Megatron had picked up on his weak point so quickly.

“I can’t do that to them,” Starscream murmurs, vocaliser thick with static.

“You-“ Knockout ex-vents harshly and curses his luck for being the only mech with any ounce of emotional self-awareness on this ship, even if he does understand how difficult Starscream’s position is. Still -

“You need to get it through your thick helm that their chances of survival skyrocket as long as you’re around,” Knockout snaps. “How can you think of abandoning them at such a crucial point?”

“I wasn’t-“ Starscream growls, and snarls when he meets Knockout’s challenging gaze. “You cannot hope to understand!”

Preserving your spark was the most important thing. Even if he had to keep his distance from you. Even if you ended up hating him. Even if you thought he’d abandoned you - Starscream’s fist abruptly meets the wall of the med bay even as Knockout yells at him to keep it together.

For a klik, his ragged ex-vents are all that fill the med bay.

“There has to be another way,” Starscream rasps. Alarm bells sound off in Knockout’s processor, sensors firing off when the air commander turns to meet his optics again. Starscream’s frame is strangely still, optics huge and glittering in a way that Knockout has only seen in cornered animals before.

“What are you planning?” Knockout asks warily.

Starscream doesn’t reply immediately. On stiff pedes, he approaches your side and, as if for the last time, gently strokes his servo over your cheek.

“Keep them safe,” Starscream whispers, and faster than Knockout can blink, he’s gone.

Mandatory @radioactiverats fic drawing… not an actual quote but I saw that line on Twitter and thought “yeah that’s so them”

#transformers #maccadam #transformers x reader #starscream x reader #Starscream #TF Starscream

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realtapiocafan · 1 day ago

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The way people talk about black NFL players always has me side eying 😭😭😭 some of the comments I’ve seen about Ja’marr today have been crazy

Ok, incoming rant. Please do not read if you're uncomfortable with discussions of racism

Wow, I was just looking in the insta comments of ja'marr signing shit for fans and omfg, i couldn't believe my eyes. 'Show a little excitement' 'look like you care a lil' 'don't look away while you're shaking someone's hand' well what if i shake in RAGE. like he stopped and signed the jersey and he took a picture, what. 'smile' GIRL THE CAMERA ISN'T EVEN POINTED AT HIM. and like you compare that shit to joe signing shit yesterday (in which joe didn't smile either) and it's all 'oh thats my qb' 'making a diff in the young generation' 'so compassionate'. The sheer difference in perception is just... 💔

The thing is: there's a lot of racism in the NFL.

Like, just as a whole, we're watching a predominately black population fight each other for our entertainment. Yes, NFL athletes get paid, but for the longest time, the main argument for NIL was that colleges were benefitting from the free 'labor' of student-athletes, who were basically putting their bodies and futures on the line (it's been proven you can get CTE from even youth football which. yikes). It's not

Don't get me wrong, the NFL has gotten a hell lot better with coaches. Like a couple of years, there was just one black head coach (which is another rant bc the racial makeup of the league was even more skewed in past years), and this year there was nine. So it's... progress? The thing is: I get the Rooney rule, I do. But interviewing for a job that you know you aren't getting... I don't know. Considering someone for an interview and considering someone for a job are two entirely different things. I don't know how to fix it, it's kind of a microcosm of the whole DEI debate. On one hand, African Americans are at a historical and thereby structural disadvantage, but teams are still gonna hire who they think is best (and surely it's just a coincidence that 'who they think is best' is white).

And there's a lot of just casual racism. There's a common myth that black athletes tend to be faster. No one likes to acknowledge it, but it's basically entrenched into our society. And that myth permeates through the NFL and football in general.

There's a reason why you never see black centers and we're only recently seeing black qbs. Those are the 'thinking' positions, the leadership positions, arguably the most important positions. And there's a reason why so many WRs and corners are black. Those are the 'athletic' positions. (There's also the fact that wide receiver and corner are positions far more prone to injury than qbs or centers or kickers but that deserves its own rant).

In large part, the racial segregation can be traced to youth/college football, where black players are predominately pushed to the athletic positions. Black players are perfectly able to play qb thank you very much -it's that their coaches and agents and whoever switch them to WR or corner.

There are a lot of stories about how people were trying to convince Lamar to become a RB -and that's still a common insult for Lamar (oh he's just a glorified RB). And that's basically reducing Lamar to just his athleticism, completely ignoring the FACT that he's an elite passer. Like fuck right off with the 'he's not intelligent enough' argument (which some people still say). The discourse around black quarterbacks, as a whole, is still very much centered on 'oh it's just their athleticism', always praising their 'two-way threat' and that just. Ugh.

And also running backs! The current devaluation of running backs, considering that most rbs are black... there's something disturbing about just how much of the discourse around rbs is centered around how easily they can be replaced. How they're seen as commodities and things, rather than people. This can be extended to all players, because of how profit-oriented the NFL is, but it's especially applicable to rbs and I don't think the fact that most rbs are black, is a coincidence.

Back to WRs. The media loves to just toss the label of 'diva' on wide receivers. And like those hand-wavy comments, 'oh that's just the diva gene'... Again. Most WRs are black. The correlation between accusing overreacting with race is... it makes me uncomfortable. Racism isn't about calling people slurs, it's stereotyping a whole group of people and in this case, there's a long history accusing black people of overreacting. When people call Ja'Marr a diva for wanting to be paid his worth, yea, I do think there's racism there.

#i'll put this in this tags bc it's even more controversial #but there is. a difference in the coverage that deshaun watson received and justin tucker is now receiving #both of them belong in hell don't get me wrong. but. the lack of national media attention on tucker just rubs me wrong #i'm tired i don't want to proofread this #those comments were so disgusting 🤮#racism #nfl #my asks

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murderofravens · 3 days ago

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wait do you think in-ho would get turned on by a scared reader? like making her a guard or something knowing she'd hate hurting someone but she's so so eager to please him ;(, me when I self project because id still fall in love w him

oh he definitely would! i do believe since he's a very meticulous person he wouldn't make her do something she isn't capable of doing though, because his work cannot afford being careless. if she hates hurting people, he wouldn't put her in that position not out of care for her but because she would compromise his work. but he would devise other strategical ways to play with her emotions that way; like a game just for her where she'd be put in a difficult position at best. i think her fear would definitely give him a power trip and he'd be much more interested in how she feels about it, how she adapts to it. take gi-hun for example— i know his staring being the 'love stare' is a running joke in the fandom which i indulge in, but realistically speaking the whole time he was analysing him, which would go for everyone. he uses glares and stares as a way to settle fear into the hearts of the guards as well, and to warn them, which would go for his partner as well, atleast with current inho. sometimes fear play can be enjoyable for both sides, which is why if he finds out you're just as into it he would absolutely go crazy with it. and if you're the kind who just wants to please him, then that's exactly what he'll make you do.

#why cant i be normal about him...#im sorry for this long ass paragraph 💔#but i cant not go on a whole rant about him i fear #my ravens #hwang inho x reader

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thelastspeecher · 1 day ago

Text

Stanuary '25 - Week 4: Healing

I'm a day late but I'm still here! I figured I'd set this one in my Purposeful Abduction AU, in which Ford insists on being abducted by aliens and starts a life on an alien planet as a doctor. Meanwhile, Stan gets abducted by alien traffickers, and manages to escape, but is in very poor shape when he winds up at Ford's hospital.

This prompt is perfect for the AU, and gives me a chance to write Stan's recovery. Which, uh, I wrote a lot of. A lot more words than I thought I would.

Enjoy.

———————————————————————————————————–

Stan hunched over the sterile, futuristic toilet, trying to fend off another wave of vomit.

“Are you doing all right in there?” Ford’s voice called. Stan retched again, but nothing came up. He groaned loudly. The door to the tiny hospital bathroom opened.

“Didn’t say you could come in,” Stan mumbled. Ford pulled him up. Stan’s legs, weak from poison and malnourishment, buckled under him once he was on his feet. “I can make it back to the bed.”

“Sure,” Ford said, infuriatingly patient. He helped Stan back to his hospital bed. Stan immediately curled up into the fetal position, shivering.

“You poisoned me, I know it,” Stan muttered under his breath.

“The opposite,” Ford replied. “The antidote for the toxins you ingested yesterday has strong side effects.”

“Ugh.”

“Press the call button if you need to be helped to your bathroom again,” Ford continued. Stan rolled over to glare at him. Ford didn’t react, annoyingly remaining in professional doctor mode. “I’ll increase your fluids to compensate for what you’ve been losing from vomiting.” Finally, Ford looked up from the hologram screen of his clipboard. “Get some rest.”

“Not much else I can do.”

“Then you should get very good at it,” Ford said shortly. He turned on his heel and walked out of the room. The door closed behind him. Stan curled up into a ball as his eyes drifted shut.

-----

The mysterious liquid concoction in the cup in Stan’s hand was purple. A deep, rich purple. Stan looked up at Ford and the fish-headed alien that Ford had brought in as a “refeeding specialist”.

“You said this was a chocolate milkshake,” he croaked. Like the rest of him, his voice had taken a beating from malnourishment and poisoning. He hadn’t smoked a cigarette in months, but sounded like he went through a pack a day.

“It is,” Ford said. Stan shook his head.

“Nuh-uh. You put blueberries in this or something.” After a day in intensive care, he’d been moved to a general care room, to begin treatment that would help him recover properly. Now that he was no longer in danger of dying.

“Blueberries don’t exist on this planet.”

“But chocolate does?”

“Yes!” Ford said, sounding exasperated. “Centuries ago, visitors to Earth collected chocolate plants and brought them back here. The different environment, however, results in cacao beans that are blue, not brown.”

“This is purple.”

“The roasting process turns- oh for the love of-” Ford pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just drink the damn thing. Dr. Quartir is a very busy fish who took time out of its day to observe you consume something for the first time in months.”

“Not the first thing I ate in months,” Stan said under his breath. “I ate that poison hot dog. That’s why I wound up here.”

“Stop being difficult. You know what I mean. If you keep this down, it will be the first step in being able to eat properly so you can get back to normal. Don’t you want that?” Ford snapped. Stan stared down at the milkshake again. He swallowed.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then drink the damn thing. Slowly.”

“Bottoms up,” Stan mumbled to himself. His stomach churning, from either nerves or anticipation, he didn’t know which, he brought the cup up to his mouth. The taste was heavenly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d tasted chocolate so rich. Stan’s eyes widened. He tilted the cup back at a higher angle.

“Slowly, Stan,” said the fish doctor in its papery thin voice. Stan reluctantly took a small sip instead of the massive gulp he wanted. “Good.” Stan finished the rest of the drink. When he was done, Ford took the cup from him. Dr. Quartir tapped the watchlike band on its wrist. “I’m going to set a timer. If you don’t vomit before it goes off, we can officially introduce ingestible fluids into your diet.”

“Excellent. Dr. Quartir, should we talk in the hall?” Ford said. “Perhaps give Stan some privacy in case he doesn’t keep it down?”

“Yes,” Dr. Quartir said. The two exited the hospital room, leaving Stan alone.

Stan laid back on his bed to stare up at the ceiling. The possibility that he might finally keep something down at this point felt as likely as summiting Mt. Everest.

But as the minutes passed by and Stan’s stomach didn’t eject its contents, his hopes rose.

Finally, the door opened. Ford and the fish walked inside.

“Well?” Ford asked. Stan sat up, unable to fight the grin spreading across his face.

“Keep the milkshakes coming.”

-----

Stan grabbed the twin rails. Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself up out of the hover chair to wobbly stand on his feet.

“Excellent, Stan, but remember, you have to use your upper body and lower body strength,” said the physical therapist, whom Stan had mentally dubbed Dr. Hardass because he couldn’t remember her alien name. Her voice was robotic, thanks to the translator Stan had to wear to understand and be understood. She was green-skinned, and like the other members of this planet’s dominant species, over seven feet tall.

Stan had to use the physical therapy equipment designed for children.

“Even before everything happened, my arms were stronger than my legs,” Stan argued. Dr. Hardass shook her head.

“Perhaps. But I imagine that your legs could still bear your weight and move you forward,” she pointed out. Stan grit his teeth. “We are focusing upon getting you walking. You cannot rely upon your arms. Now. Come towards me.” Stan muttered a few choice words under his breath. “Stan. If you do not start now, you may never do so.”

“Fine,” Stan griped. He took a deep breath.

Your arms are there to help, not to be the only way you stay up. Stan lessened how much he was reliant upon his arms. Immediately, being upright became a lot harder. Fuck. C’mon. You can do this. One foot in front of the other.

The first step was agonizing. Stan felt like his knees were going to buckle. The second step wasn’t any better. He could practically hear his ankles screaming at him.

Ultimately, Stan only made it halfway to Dr. Hardass before he had to call it quits.

“You are doing better,” Dr. Hardass said as she helped him back into the hover chair. “You have a great amount of resilience. Much more than I usually see from my patients.”

“...Really?” Stan said doubtfully. Dr. Hardass nodded.

“Before you know it, you will be jogging again.”

“I wasn’t a runner.”

“But you did do some form of exercise recreationally.” Stan looked at her, surprised. “I can tell by how easily you understand my instructions.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Stan looked down at the floor. “Yeah. I did boxing.” He sighed. “And I’d give anything to get back to it.”

-----

The doors opened with a loud woosh. Stan stepped inside and looked around, his eyes drinking in the sight of a gym on an alien planet. Most of the equipment looked similar to what was on Earth, probably because the dominant species of the planet was very similar to humans. But there were a few things that Stan couldn’t even begin to imagine how they’d be used. Equipment that looked like bench presses or leg presses, but were in shapes that a human couldn’t physically make.

The alien accompanying him, Ford’s brother-in-law Lute, chuckled.

“Your brother had a similar reaction the first time I took him here.” That got Stan’s attention. He turned to face Lute.

“You took Ford to a gym?” Stan asked.

“He asked. He was curious about how it would compare to one on Earth. According to him, it’s very similar.”

“Yeah.” Stan looked at a nearby alien doing chin-ups. The alien looked a lot like Lute to Stan, but he wasn’t sure whether that was because they were both blue. “Yeah, I’d say so.”

“Ford told me that you have some experience in gyms.”

“I was the sporty one,” Stan said. He looked down at himself. “I guess you’ll just have to believe I’m telling the truth,” he mumbled. He was still in physical therapy, but now that he was just about fully functional again, his appointments were slowly being phased out. Fully functional, however, wasn’t good enough for Stan. Which was why he wanted to go to the gym.

My legs and arms haven’t been this twiggy since I was five. I’ve gotta get back to normal. Or at least close to it.

“Since you have some experience, I’ll let you lead the way,” Lute said brightly. “You can suggest what exercises you’d like to do and I’ll let you know if you can do them safely.” Lute, whose human nickname was apparently from him mishearing Ford’s attempted nickname of “Luke”, was a physiotherapist. He wasn’t on Stan’s medical team, but due to his expertise, he was the only reason Ford was even allowing Stan to go to the gym.

Stan didn’t respond well to Ford initially outright telling him he couldn’t go. Luckily, Ford’s husband, Fiddleford, stepped in to suggest his brother going with Stan.

I’d probably be lost without a guide anyways. But it’s the principle of the thing. I’m not a fucking kid. Ford shouldn’t treat me like one.

“Stan?” Lute said, breaking through Stan’s frustrated thoughts. Stan looked at him. “Where would you like to start?”

“Uh…” Stan rubbed the back of his neck. He looked around again. “It looks like most of the equipment here is too big for me.”

“I would agree,” Lute said with a nod. He put an arm around Stan’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, I run into the same issue all the time.” Though Lute was more than a foot taller than Stan, he was considered abnormally short for his species, as was his twin sister.

“I was gonna ask if you guys have any boxing equipment, but that would probably be too big anyways,” Stan muttered. Lute frowned at him.

“Boxing?” he asked. Ford had taught all his in-laws English, so Stan and Lute didn’t need to use a translator to communicate. But every now and then, Stan would use a term that Ford hadn’t bothered to teach. Stan sighed.

“It’s the sport I did back on Earth. It involves a lot of punching.”

“Punching?!” Lute looked shocked. “That’s a sport on your planet?” Stan nodded. “Ford didn’t tell me that.”

“Yeah, well, he wasn’t very good at it,” Stan said under his breath. Lute snickered softly. “I’m gonna guess you don’t have anything I could punch.”

“Hmm.” Lute frowned. “No, there’s some equipment I can think of that would be beneficial to working the muscles involved in a punching sport. Some of it is even accessible to your size. This gym caters to multiple species, after all, and while my species doesn’t engage in bloodsport, some of the smaller species on this planet do.”

Bloodsport? Okay, whatever. Focus on the important thing.

“There’s stuff here that would help me get back to boxing?” Stan asked. Lute tilted his head one way, then the other.

“I believe so.”

“Great. Take me there,” Stan said eagerly. Lute shook his head.

“It’s too rigorous for you right now. You need to start off doing something that you can do slowly and gently.”

“Like what?” Stan grumbled.

“Swimming, perhaps. Do you like to swim?”

“…Yeah.”

“Great!” Lute beamed at him, showcasing the haunting needlelike teeth that his species had. “Then let’s go swim!” He leaned in. “Ford told me that our swimming pools are different from those on Earth. Apparently yours aren’t on the ceiling?” Lute shook his head in disbelief. He began to walk away. Stan stood still for a few moments, processing what he had just said. Finally, he gaped and chased after Lute.

“Your swimming pools are where?!”

-----

“Yeah, Uncle Stan, punch that thing!” Stan grinned at the encouragement from Ford’s oldest child, Proteus. He slammed his fist into the punching bag, eliciting a cheer from his nephew. “Wow!” Stan stopped to catch his breath. He wiped the sweat from his face and turned to face his small audience.

“You’re good,” said Lee, Ford’s nephew via his sister-in-law, Angie. And, depending on how things went, one day via Stan. Lee looked like the other members of the dominant species on the planet, with the exception that he had human-looking eyes, a trait randomly inherited from his human great-grandmother.

“Can you teach us?” Proteus asked. He was technically adopted by Ford and Fiddleford, but thanks to his shapeshifting abilities, often looked like he could be their biological child. That was the case today. Stan had insisted if they came to Human Town with him, Proteus couldn’t take his natural shape. Too many of the inhabitants of Human Town, a part of the capital city inhabited by abductees from Earth and their descendants, had negative emotions related to Proteus’s species.

Including Stan. The trafficker that had abducted him years ago was the same species as his nephew, currently staring up at him with starry eyes. Stan would die for his nephew. But still, seeing him in his natural state was too much.

“I might be able to show you two a couple things,” Stan said idly. “I mean, I’m the only one on the planet who can teach you.” He winked at Proteus and Lee. “I’ll even do it for free.” Proteus and Lee giggled.

After Stan had become healthy enough to get back into boxing, he’d run into the issue of there not being anywhere he could train. The lack of opponents was another potential problem, but the more pressing one was Stan not being able to get his hands on a speed bag. Luckily, one of Ford’s brothers-in-law was a carpenter, who knew someone that made custom exercise equipment and furniture.

Then, one day while at a bar in Human Town, Stan mentioned his boxing equipment to someone. That person happened to own the only gym in Human Town, and insisted Stan set up some demonstrations for any humans interested in learning about an Earth sport unheard of on this planet. Things snowballed from there, and now, Stan had a steady job as a boxing trainer at the gym.

Lee handed Stan his towel. As Stan was drying off, there was a polite cough. Stan dropped the towel and looked over at the doorway to the room. Ford stood there, a wistful look on his face.

“Hey, Sixer,” Stan greeted him. Ford nodded his head.

“I see the boxing is still going well.”

“Oh, yeah. Being an ‘exotic’ human that knows things about ‘exotic’ human culture is a pretty big draw around here,” Stan said. Ford nodded. “Have you told your kids you used to box, too?”

“What?” Proteus said eagerly. He looked over at Ford. “Really?”

“Our father signed us up for lessons when we were young,” Ford said. “But Stanley was always better than me.”

“Yep.” Stan raised an eyebrow at Ford. “We should put on an exhibition match.”

“Ah. No.”

“Oh, c’mon! We’d make a killing!”

“I don’t have any interest in putting on an exhibition match with you,” Ford said firmly. “You’ll just have to wait until one of your students reaches that skill level.” He paused. “Or until someone abducts a boxer.”

“Second one would probably happen sooner,” Stan grunted. “My students are too scared to put much power behind their hits.”

“Such is the difficulty of teaching,” Ford said sagely. Stan rolled his eyes. “Proteus, Lee, are you ready to go?”

“Yep!” Proteus said, hopping off the bench he and Lee had been sitting on. Lee nodded and slid off as well.

“Excellent.” Ford looked at Stan. “Enjoy your date with Angie. Where are you taking her?”

“That hole in the wall place on Zerbz Street.”

“Earthling Eatings?” Ford asked. Stan nodded. “I’ve never been.”

“You’ve gotta go there sometime. They’ve done some crazy sh- stuff with Earth food,” Stan said, barely remembering to censor himself.

“It’s good!” Lee piped up. Ford smiled at him.

“Stan has taken you there?” he asked. Lee nodded.

“I went, too!” Proteus said. Ford ruffled his son’s hair.

“If it has the seal of approval from the two of you, perhaps we should go there for dinner sometime.” Ford waved at Stan. “I’ll see you after your date.”

“Yep. See you later.”

“Bye!” Lee and Proteus called. The kids and Ford left. The large, circular door closed behind them. Stan sighed. He looked down at the electronic band on his wrist. It almost completely covered the scar from his poaching cuff. It was glowing slightly, signaling that he had a message. He tapped the band. A hologram display lit up above the band with the message from Angie.

“I’ll be there in twenty. I can’t wait to try food from your culture.” Stan grinned. He pulled up the hologram keyboard and typed out a response.

“Make it thirty if you want me showered.” After a few seconds, the reply came back.

“Deal.”

Stan waved away the hologram screen. He grabbed his all-in-one soap and began to head for the showers, whistling. His band chimed again. He tapped on it. The hologram screen popped up again, this time displaying a picture. Stan froze.

The bands required profile pictures for all users. When Stan first got this band, it wasn’t long after he was discharged from the hospital. Thus, the profile picture was of him near his lowest point. His face was gaunt, his hair stringy, his skin pale. He barely recognized himself then, and he barely recognized the picture as himself now.

At the bottom of the picture was an automated message.

“It has been two years since you set your profile picture. Would you like to change it?”

Stan went to press the button to open the camera. He paused. After a moment, he shook his head. He closed out of the notification.

“Nah. I’ve got a date to get ready for.”

#I hit 3k words whoooooops #Stanuary #Gravity Falls #Gravity Falls AU #Purposeful Abduction AU #Stanley Pines #Stanford Pines #Lute McGucket #ficlet #my writing #my stuff #speecher speaks

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