#and who even cares anyway who cares!! god knows we have bigger fucking issues in the world

[marshido]

i have no energy or passion and it is making me a worse and more uninteresting person to be around. GRINS!

[esilher]

Collaborative December klaine challenge 2023 between @esilher and @mynonah

Tiny Friends in the Neighborhood by @mynonah

"Blaine? What are you doing?"

"Feeding Theodore."

"Excuse me?"

"Theodore, this is my fiancé, Kurt." Blaine says, gesturing theatrically between the window and Kurt, "Kurt, this is—"

"It's a squirrel." Kurt interrupts.

"That was rude. Yes, it's a squirrel. Well, there are two of them, but it's early, I think Francesca's still asleep."

Kurt looks at Blaine as if he's suddenly grown a second head. "Okay, while I try to process this... may I ask what he is doing on our ledge? This is how you teach them to keep coming back, Blaine. And one day, they’ll come into the apartment. What are squirrels doing in this tree anyway?"

"The same thing you do inside the building. They live there."

"No." Kurt shakes his head wildly. "They don't belong here. Squirrels inhabit forests. Or at least... wooded areas. Here it's all concrete and people and bustle."

"They probably moved here from Central Park. But they build their nests in trees and that, in front of our window, is a tree. So it seems to me that they are at home, just like us."

"How do they get food here?"

"They are wild animals, they know how to get food. Besides... we are here for them," Blaine adds with a grin. "I looked up what they eat. Would you like to try?"

"Feeding him? No way! What if he bites?"

"Give him food, not your finger. With your palm open. Come on, Kurt, I'm right behind you. You'll love it and Theodore is hungry!"

Kurt rolls his eyes, but steps closer to the window and carefully holds out his hand to the squirrel.

"Oh," he giggles. "He's cute."

"I know, right? Look, there's a little hole. That's where they nest."

"Uh. That can't be too warm..."

"They live in the wild, Kurt. Don't worry about them."

"But winter is coming, Blaine. Theo and Fran need a more secure home than this. Wait, you were gonna make a bird feeder in the spring, remember? Let's do it now," Kurt says excitedly. "Well, mostly you, but I’ll decorate it. Just make it a little bigger. I'll go see what we need to buy and we can go in 20 minutes." Kurt announces with the same enthusiasm, then turns on his heel and hurries back to the living room.

"Wait… Are you serious now?"

"Mhm."

"Five minutes ago you didn't care about them at all and now you want to build them a house."

"It's your fault. You named them, Blaine!"

"Whoa... Okay. Understandable. Maybe I should have named the spiders you found in the bathroom yesterday."

"Ugh... have you killed them yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Then do it. Please."

"I don't know... It's a moral issue, Kurt. A whole family!"

"What? You're such a dork."

"And they're high up..."

"That's not a family."

"Okay. Not a family. Just two random spiders and two random half-sized spiders who happened to meet in the corner of the bathroom and have been hanging out together ever since."

Kurt narrows his eyes at Blaine. "Something like that."

"Hm. I still think they’re a family, though. I'll give them names."

"Don't you dare!"

"Everyone deserves a name, Kurt. Don't be cruel."

"Stop it!"

"Hmm... How about Lucas and... Frederick..."

"Blaine, stop it!"

"...and the kids are Charlotte and... ah, Samuel!"

"Shit! I hate you."

"You love me. Very much. So, are you starting to think they're cute?"

"No! They're spiders, for God’s sake. ...Lucas and Frederick?"

"Yep," Blaine says proudly, grinning from ear to ear. "They're gay. Spider family, Kurt. With two dads. And even if the kids manage to escape in time... A lot of little feet need a lot of little shoes, and you want to murder their parents. But of course, as you wish... I just..."

"Fuck!" Kurt exclaims, throwing his phone on the other side of the couch so suddenly, that he almost falls over.

"What’s wrong? Are you okay? Why did you... Whoa! Oh, my God. You actually googled ‘spiders + pets + feeding’?!"

Kurt holds both hands over his eyes frantically, and Blaine can't help but laugh. "You're cute."

"Could you just... Could you just... Just do something!"

"Should I close this and clear the search history?"

"No! Just... just type ‘TINY’... at the beginning of the text. Please. Tiny spiders. Like Charlotte. Thank you."

"I love you so much."

[medicinemane]

Just reminded of the time I was like 8, and my grandpa was doing what he always did and having a frustrating conversation with people while they were trapped in the car with him, and as a little kid I said to him something like "we need to stop talking about this because you're making me angry"

And he goes "No one can /make/ you angry"... and then was shocked when I got mad at him when he wouldn't drop it

Two things here I see as an adult:

One is that if I had a little kid I was dealing with who voiced their emotions so clearly I'd want to encourage that cause plenty of adults have trouble asking for space to cool down. I'd say "Well we need to talk about this at some point, but we can leave it for now. Thank you for letting me know you need a break from this"

(It's amazing the number of people, especially in that generation, who just HATE the idea of someone stepping out of the room for like 20 minutes to go cool off rather than blow their top, despite that being the right call)

(Also I still find it a real jackass move to have these kinda of conversations in a car where everyone's stuck, but that was intentional on his end. It's not like he was trying to be shitty, but he was obsessive and by god people needed to do things his way and he'd trap you so he could tell you what needed to happen... despite often being a fool. Not stupid, but a fool)

Two... honest to god there's so little you should be needing to discuss with a tiny kid in a way where you need to harass and brow beat them into listening to you

As an adult his behavior was just stupid, why are you making your grandkid be the one to take care of your daughter? You are kinda crazy and have definitely fucked up if you're making little kids shoulder massive responsibility... we're not talking asking them to help vacuum or something, we're talking "hey fix your mom in a way that even a therapist couldn't" and "help pay the bills" and "why aren't you fixing all the problems this family has despite all of them being of other people's making?"

Like no dude, there's no reason for you to be sitting there saying this stuff to a kid you have locked in the car with you going 50 miles an hour

Not only did this stuff not need to be said then and there... it didn't need to be said at all, and you guys were weird for how much you put on a literal child. You literally, explicitly would state how someone that wasn't even 10 should be fixing their mom... nah, like if I ever god forbid had a kid, they have exactly zero responsibility to fix me

What? They're gonna cure my depression? Some little 5 year old is supposed to undo all the systemic issues and internalized shit that makes me want to die pretty much everyday?

You're insane... but... yeah, that's more or less what my grandpa wanted me to do. That and somehow fix the finances despite me being a child and him being a college professor... great fucking plan my dude

Anyway, forget what in redstone made me think about him saying "no one can make you angry" (basically meaning "well it's your fault if you're getting mad just because I'm push push pushing you"), and I felt like mentioning this stuff

He wasn't a bad man, he wasn't stupid, and he did mean well... and yet few bigger fools have ever lived and he went about things in the stupidest ways and literally got the opposite of the results he wanted despite how obvious it was that's how shit would turn out

(Ah yes, simply harass a love of reading into someone, and then get mad at them when they're not reading the book you think they should... well why isn't this child reading? Doesn't add up)

As an adult... I don't hate him, I think we could get along now, but I don't respect him and I think he was a fool

[asklepiean]

Hi Can I ask you something?I'm a Hellenic polytheist Recently my divinations have pointed to a Roman God. But what stops me - other cultores and organizations. For me Gods govern the Universe here and now. So I don't get why many cultores seem to be LARPing. I don't understand the need for virtual state and senate We have real states and real politics.I have real career and ambitions I'm also trans Seems I should ignore divinations and move on,cause with my views and my lifestyle I'm not welcome

TL;DR: Fuck LARPers; develop your personal cult and thrive.

Idk if you noticed that they exclusively focus on the I century BCE Roman (as in: the city of Rome) civic cult and ignore everything that happened after Augustus's reign or in other parts of the Empire/conquered territories. It's not about religion, it's about the idea of order and grandeur (also why you can find so much crypto-fascist stuff if you read between the lines of what they say or post online and in the bibliographies they suggest).

There's a huge emphasis on reconstructing exactly what they did and 97% of the time these people/groups don't even rely on actual history or archaeology (and some of the bigger groups I saw are led by archaeologists...)*, which is shit because a) we don't know much about it anyway, and b) they're reconstructing stuff from one (1) city in a big ass old Empire. I also saw groups saying "Don't worship gods that are not exclusively Roman because your cult will be confusional and disorganized", which sounds a lot like "The eastern cults will corrupt the Roman Manly Spirit".

Ah btw they have their little silly fake senate with fake names and senators because of the moral superiority of the Roman Spirit vs "the unbalanced energy of this woke modern world". Also, most of them are insecure cishet men, and those in charge of the groups usually choose a god's name as their own to signal that they are Knowledgeable and Chief. Just saying.

You don't have to join Religio just because you add a Roman god to your life. I mean - I'm a Roman polytheist and I'm including (again) Norse and Germanic deities in my personal cultus. It's more about the approach and paradigm rather than the pantheon. You don't have to ask for permission to welcome a deity into your house, nobody can stop you. I know it's not the best answer, but it's true. You shouldn't care about the opinions of people who don't know you. If you prefer the helpol community because it makes you happier or you feel more welcomed that's cool! Choose the people who can give you peace of mind!

I get your frustrations because these are the same issues that estranged me from the community, but at the end of the day, we can do whatever tf we want with our cult. Don't ignore the result you got, ignore the community - or better, ignore the louder side of the community, because I can tell from experience that the majority of us cultores (including the LGBTQIA+ side) don't post online or join these organizations, and we're still thriving lol.

I don't know if my answer helped, but I hope the developments in your practice will be fruitful!

*if I had 1 euro for every cult recon group I personally know that is led by an archaeologist that swore to have the Knowledge of The Ol' TIme and could teach you how to do it exactly because what every other polytheist did was clearly shit I would now have 2 euros, which isn't much but it's fucking alarming. This is also why I don't trust archaeologists in religious circles.

[arttrampbelle]

Now that we see of liu kang ending and all of the garbage trainwreck of the new mk game

I bet y'all thinking

"Hmmm. Maybe shang tsung's ending in mk11 wasn't actually that bad and maybe he was *gasp* actually right all along about some things?!"

I mean this isn't just me as a shang tsimp.

This is sadly kinda true. I'd rather take my chances with big shangus. Then a pompus(and pooly and backhanded written) fire god liu kang. (Which in itself is sad. Because he never wanted that. Forcing him into a role making him miserable. Completely bastardizing his character. All for what?! Not my liu kang nrs. Not my liu kang.)

Anyways. Back to shang.

Liu kang vs shang is a klassic rivalry. But its as only as good as you actually write them on equal footing. But the have never truly done that. Liu kang has always had plot armor saving him and shang tsung has the unfortunate boxing in of "bad guy i beat up. Twirly mustache" which is horrible because that's not what he actually is. (Worse more when tagawa-sama never wanted that character he played,nor any villain he plays to be that way. Its always some nuance to his characters he portrays. And he said in an interview. He grew up with wimpy asian bad guys. He never wanted to ever see that again. So if he IS gonna be a buy guy. He is gonna be THE BAD GUY. Plus he hated seeing so many stereotypes but he had to trudge thru to be able to help make a better representation and positive impact. Tho nowadays he plays sweethearts,like himself mostly. Great actor,AMAZING man. Really cool. But for them to continue to make shang a "wimp" or to be "beat up by the "good" guys" is awful and a backhanded slap to the character as a whole even outside of the amazing cary hiroyuki tagawas portrayal.)

Again liu kang should be able to barely BARELY win against shang. Even if granted god powers. Shang is a stronk ass mofo. Bad,mean,nasty,in a fight. He wasn't champion formerly for nothing. He wasn't mk tournament master for nothing. He wasn't granted a seat under shao kahns heelboot for nothing. Granted that wasn't much of a choice but survival. But thats for another post. Like shang tsung is a BEAST! Not a heavy hitter. Not a beast in a way thats a tank. But a cunning,ruthless,and calculator. An opportunist fighter. He's cold in a fight. Like gives you chills. The serpentine gaze ready to strike. You gotta be quick...or you'll die. You gonna be careful and level headed otherwise he'll take full advantage of that opening and your soul? Is definitely his.

Look shang dont fucking play. (There is nuance and context depending on the situation but for the most part depends on who he's fighting and what the story is doing but overall he is not to be underestimated at all!)

Shang tsung Wasn't an og big bad for nothing!!!!!

Shao kahn was only a bigger bad and problems later. Then it became.

Better the devil you know then someone worse. Then we start to see.

Well fuck shang tsung actually is the only thing preventing shit from getting worse!

So yeah....you kill him....

Quan chi gets more power. Shao kahn gets free range. Onaga....welp. you're screwed. Dont even get started on shinnok! Oof. All the other bads?! Yeah they are gonna get WORSE AND MORE TOUGH AND BE MORE OF A PROBLEM. and honestly it would make things harder for everyone.

Yeah so think about it.

Take shang out ,you fuck up a whole ecosystem.

He only feeds on souls and of what he needs. Dont prevoke the man he wont steal your soul and go on a killing spree sucking souls for spite.

For the most part shang is best left tf alone. So as long as he has plenty in his soul well. He'll be fine. But the man is paranoid,traumatized due to shao kahn,many other things perhaps from his past. Oof cue my backstory for the death of his mother and his attachment issues and fear of decay,meaningless deaths,etc

But for the most part if you are respectful to shang. He'll be respectful back. Be genuine,be honest,and it will get you far. Dont be easy gotten either. Make it a challenge. Again this man likes a reasonable chase. Likes intelligence(not necessarily book smarts but people smarts,emotional intelligence) he values these things.

I could go on about this characters brain soup. I could add n talk about so much character analysis for shang. Unf 💖

But I'll leave it simple

Nrs fucked up a perfectly good rivalry. A potentially amazing story arch. And two amazing characters.

In short....i bet that shang tsung ending sounds really good about now right?

[hag-o-hags]

There's a trainer in my area who's apparently considered a ~wonderworker~ with Problem Dogs. My friend took her boy to this lady's program and came back with

Detailed instructions for using the shock collar

Spray bottle

Wand of Rolled Up Newspaper

Bigger issue with defensiveness over the dog's behavior, reactivity, and needs than before

NOW, this poor boy won the Behavioural Issues Lottery

(weened at 4 weeks)

(because his dam was too young and trying to kill her litter)

(herding dog mix)

(first 13ish months living mostly in an apartment)

(mom works in the hospitality industry so schedule and stability for dog is NOT GREAT!)

(several issues with VERY BAD pet sitters) (all relatives of mom or other mom) (moms were furious and none of those people are allowed to be alone with EITHER dog)

so like. I'm not at all gonna pretend like this kiddo doesn't have some pretty bad issues. I've been on the receiving end of his warnings a couple times, but he was warning me -- very clear visual snarl that he didn't want me near the barrier that he was behind (kennel once, pet gate once). I backed off and we were immediately cool. I got some sniffs when we were back on the same side of the gate.

And that's my thing with this boy. He's got Needs. Me too man, I'm right there with you.

I'm pet sitting right now, and in all honesty, all we're doing is hanging out. Nobody's getting redirected beyond "don't jump on me, and quit mouthing my sleeve". We had one incident of Misdemeanor Countersurfing and Resource Guarding with Intent. And I know -- I know -- how scary and intimidating it is to be on the receiving end of a reactive dog's warning! Second Mom is very scared of trying to take food from him and they have a whole protocol that uses the Wondertrainer's techniques.

But all he needed to give up the forbidden food was a normal ass dog biscuit. Swapsies, nabbed the remains, reactivity back to zero.

This dog, not least because of Our Lady of Aversion Training, is treated like a live grenade and the moment something SLIGHTLY bad happens, oh god no, klaxons, strobing lights, women and children to the lifeboats first.

He's not, though, he's just a boy who has had ALL his boundaries and communication ignored, and people are stressed out AT him. All the time. I'm sitting outside writing this, and the dogs run up, get up in my business hoping that this is a Sharing Doughnut I've got here (NOPE!!!!!) We started this weekend with him kinda sorta being okay with some ear scritches after he gave my hand a good sniff. This morning he wasn't fully sure about me initiating head pets, but he communicates that super clearly if you know what you're looking at. I'd offer, he'd get tense, I'd back off, and WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN KNOW. Now he running up and shoving his head into my elbow for pets.

BECAUSE IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL WHEN HE TOLD ME NO. Nothing he can do can make me freak out, so HE'S not gonna freak out.

Super bonus, I've been working on muzzle desensitizing with him as well, because right now the method is Mom And Only Mom Traps Him And Tough Tits If You Miss The First Time, Call The Vet to Say We'll Be Really Really Late. Which. Mmrg. Muzzle was a requirement to attend the Wonderclasses, which I get, it's a basket muzzle, we want everyone to stay safe. I guess the instructions were "Bring the dog muzzled and shock collared and be prepared to zap him if he gets aggressive or out of line." (FUCKIN. WHAT ARE PEOPLE PAYING THIS LADY FOR. JESUS FUCKING. SHRIEK.) (I mean where even is the fucking spray bottle in this hierarchy? FUCK.)

Anyway, boyo does not care if I walk around with the muzzle, will HAPPILY eat peanut butter off a plate with the muzzle ... this is a very, very teachable dog. He's not a live grenade, he's like. At WORST a firework. If you're a moron and you fuck around, sure. Finding out may involve losing your arm. But MAYBE you shouldn't have been fucking around that hard and engaged your giant primate brain for 12 seconds. Don't try to douse a fire with gasoline maybe?

[eldesperadont]

now with Jay White having left njpw ….. im mourning all the interesting development for his character that they didnt do. It makes me so tired of njpws „longterm booking“ and how it doesnt really work with their big name gaijins cause nobody stays long enough like an Okada or Naito.

since he joined Bullet Club it’s basically been the same plotpoint on repeat with some characters around him getting changed and replaced, and everytime sth happened that had me hoping for bigger development it just .. was the same again.

And i know im not alone with having wanted more out of Jays character, just look at the fan reaction to his WK loss to Ibushi, how that match and the promo afterwards got people to genuinely care for this pathetic asshole, cause of Jamies amazing performance as a broken insecure fucked up dude. Wishing for a faceturn or literally anything that wasnt the same “oh actually im great and im gonna ignore my issues”-thing again.

Over the last 5 years ive seen so many interesting ideas and speculations fans had about what we were shown on screen, but barely any of it actually led anywhere. (the amount of times they could have done an interesting betrayal with interesting fallout is driving me insane, instead they dragged this storyline forward like a corpse till Jay left)

I know that they needed Jay in that role with BC cause it makes them money, but as someone who enjoys wrestling the most cause of the stories: they are not getting me to pay for their product when i constantly have to hold back my excitement over sth cause the chance of it actually leading somewhere satisfying has been so damn low in the last 2-3 years.

from the top of my head: the last njpw storybeats that stayed with me and had me go „god this is why i watch wrestling“ were

Ibushi vs Despe cause of how perfect it was with their history (and that was on accident!! If hiromu wouldnt have been injured we wouldn’t even have gotten that)

the ELP/Robbie single matches saga

pretty much all of Jays big matches, BUT *read the above paragraphs again*

Hiromu and Desperados first BOSJ Final match cause of everything leading up to it and everything in the match - after that they kinda hit the repeating storybeat problem too

double champ Naito.

But also way too many that led nowhere/had immersion breaking ridiculous outcomes (I’ll never be over how dirty they did Kenta with that stupid US title).

Theres small stuff inbetween that i enjoyed, and theres definitely stuff i missed that i might have loved if i would have seen it, which i didnt cause all my issues with their product led me to stop watching 🙃

anyways: i have a toxic love hate relationship with NJPW and all their characters that i like are my ocs now, i took the kids in the divorce

[idkhow-redacted]

GOD dallon the morning after. waking up looking rumpled with mussed up hair and his skin glowing in the early morning light. him yawning, stretching out slightly, before wrapping his arm back around your torso and cuddling in closer. he seems like such a cuddler. big oversized teddy bear. side note: in my mind/j culture ig(?) there’s this thing that like skinny ppl give bad hugs because they’re all bony, and hugging larger people is way better/cozier/ykwim. then i realized that i am relatively skinny(just my body’s base state - i feel like my skinny-ness is about the same level as dallon’s) and have been told like my whole life that i give rly good hugs. once had a like competition at a sleepover with my whole friend group where we like figured out who gave the best hugs and i tied for first place with my friend who is slightly bigger than average/what i would think of a good hugger. and she fucking was best hug of my life.

anyway. got thrown off course. tldr i think dallon gives amazing hugs/cuddles i know it in my heart.

😵‍💫 him having morning wood and fucking you slow and sleepy as you both wake up. feeling so right to have him inside you again after he fucked you so well the night before. ugh sleep lines from like pillows/blankets on his face/body as he wakes up. again messy hair did i mention MESSY HAIR.

i think he said somewhere that he’s not that good of a cook but him making you breakfast and coffee while you chat about nothing in the kitchen. showering together washing each others hair. nice hot water and his body heat as he wraps around you feeling so cozy and safe. walking weighted blanket.

sleepy morning after with dallon my beloved. just waking up groggy morning voice dallon my BELOVED.

side note he’s so big, he doesn’t even seem like he has that much muscle yk but just by his fucking size in general i can imagine him throwing me around like a ragdoll. ooo or grabbing my hips and fucking me down onto him like a fucking fleshlight. but he’s still always so super sugar sweet.

i spend so much time thinking about that middle aged man taking care of me<3 (i have daddy issues)

-spiral anon 🌀

o also back to the intro thing(?) ig idk if i mentioned it but on my ao3 i have like an archive of all of the anons i’ve ever sent in(haven’t updated it in a WHILE oopsie getting to it i swear) so little self promo for that i’m lowbarhyperbole there. also godDAMN this ask turned out long. rip.

i also agree dallon would give great hugs!! thank u!! (i read the whole thing but holy you're great)

[catvampire]

i saw your reblog of the Matt gifset and what do you mean by "they ruined both of you for this arc?" I get that they made Barnes more despicable in cm compared to cmbb but what about Matt? Is it that the lack of references to his time in the IRT or his reduced role in the Barnes storyline despite their established history in favor of JJ or something else?

it's two different issues, it was just funnier to say that

my bigger issue is barnes, who was absolutely stripped of any and all actual characteristics she had, including but not limited to her positive sides. and god, you can see kim try to do interesting, non-obvious choices, like the few times where she plays some lines like she might just genuinely confused about the hostility and is trying to understand the team better on some level. they took away not just the nuance in her, but also just the most basic fucking things about her, down to using chess metaphors when she specifically says that she "likes boxing" when asked about her aptitude in understanding internal politics as chess. she even got an even shorter haircut than in cmbb, just so we all know she's an Evil Woman.

as for matt. they actually brought in something from the IRT. they actually had something tying to the other show. they could've actually displayed the emotional impact that barnes on matt, allowed for a character episode that ties into something other than family, and expands on the circumstances that led to him transferring. the set-up had SO MUCH POTENTIAL. in blowback, barnes tried to hammer the IRT down when she had every reason to think they were at fault, but eventually took a risk and arrested someone while knowing full well she would make waves and would need to quiet down some details as soon as the evidence was on the IRT's side. in the finale, she pushes for the rules hard, very clearly emotionally distancing herself in the situation bc there's just nothing that be done until jack's wife gets through her and she tells IRT to break the law to get ryan. and after that, presumably they got caught anyway and the unit is disbanded. that's twice she's been an antagonist, twice that she's been the key to saving the day; once fully by the book (if mismanaged by her temper and desire to get things Done over doing things with care), and once by breaking it, which turned out for the worst.

so here we have matt, whom i see as "compassion within the rules" and needs extreme circumstances to blatantly break from that, against barnes, who is "rules regardless of compassion (so make the compassion fit within the rules or help you god)". the bau has had a string of extremely risky behaviour, some acts that absolutely err on the side of wrong from a bureaucratic perspective, and after multiple already concerning events that have included the team, an agent finally died. it is the perfect storm to introduce her to, matt being the perfect opponent and the reason to care about and fear barnes.

so how in the fuck do you manage to not make matt the main character in the ensemble for a single episode during the entire four episode arc.

HOW DO YOU WRITE A THIRD OF THE SEASON TO REVOLVE AROUND THIS AND AT EVERY POINT, THE MOST OF WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT ITS IMPACT ON MATT IS THROUGH REACTION SHOTS SHARED WITH OTHER PEOPLE

HOW IS MATT A MARGIN MENTION IN AN ARC ABOUT HIS OWN ANTAGONIST. WHY IS IT SPENCER THAT COMPELS EMILY TO STAY AND NOT MATT, WITH WHOM EMILY ALREADY HAD A PRE-BAU DYNAMIC WITH AND WHO OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE THE ONE GOING "I KNOW WHAT'S AT STAKE, AND YOU SHOULD STILL STAY."

anyway tl:dr; barnes being ruined was about her character, matt about the writing of the episodes

[xxbloop-meep14]

Alright I love horizon both games are fantastic, but I have a lot of thoughts so why not share them here, I think zero dawn is better then forbidden west, zero dawns story was awesome, about a girl who grew up as an outcast tries to fit in with a tribe only to find out her story is bigger then that, so she explores for her mother, and its just a huge story that is easy to get invested in, but not only is the main story interesting the side quests are interesting as well, the character design is awesome every character is written well in my opinion, and the main characters are also so likeable especially varl he's so awesome and sweet, him and Aloy are besties nothing else I swear, I also think he really helps Aloy tells her to give herself a break, now i'm gonna take a bigger dive in characters.

VARL. my boy is precious he's so great he's sweet funny so caring, and plain just loveable, he's so sweet to Aloy always sicks by her side no matter what, even through all the crazy shit, he's gets use to a focus for her he stays even when Aloy snaps at him, he makes sure Aloy isn't putting the world on her shoulders even though it is, he lets her talk about rost and beta and Elisabet and about the zeniths, he has to be the best character.

EREND. ok I like him I do he's funny and stuff but fuck people ruined him for me, like your allowed to ship whoever you like yes but god I just hate that ship, Aloy and erend bleh gross NASTY. I don't know what it is it just annoys me so much. but he's a decent character but like I said the ship ruined him for me I literally ignore him in the game because all I see is the ship, its actually funny how much it bothers me.

KOTALLO. again the same thing happened people ship him and Aloy bro no come on he sees Aloy as a leader not a fucking girlfriend, but he's decent and funny he's adorable sometimes, I like how he doesn't wear his metal arm because he's accepted who he is I thought that was nice, I like how he's just a quiet dude he likes fighting and helping he's pretty sweet I like him I just hate the ship between Aloy and him please no.

ZO. bro she's awesome her and varl are adorable, I find it funny how she beats up erend, she's also really caring, my favourite moment between Aloy and zo is when Aloy is so puzzled when zo mourns for a machine that tried to kill them, she's pretty epic.

ALVA. alright she's cute she's just awkward and a nerd very likeable, she's smart and funny, weirdly I don't have many opinions on her I just think she a decent character.

TILDA. bro is interesting I swear she's just has so much trauma and so many issues most abandonment issues I don't think she's actually a bad person I think she's just kinda messed up and is scared I don't know.

ok i'm done with characters sorry I'm blanking ANYWAY.

I like forbidden west but sometimes its to much you know its fun the story is decent but its just to bloody much its kinda all over the place like the blight and then the zeniths random death you know it feels like its trying a tad bit hard, but I still like it, it can definitely be tedious at times but what game isn't tedious be real, and I like all the new characters but I don't fully understand why we got so many new ones, I feel like the game was really good when it was just Aloy and two other people but I like the idea of Aloy on her own and I understand its not great to be alone she needs company which I agree its good to have companions. but I just felt it was a good story like a girl on her own with all this responsibility she struggles but finds her way through you know I don't know I actually think its harder for Aloy with so many people around her because if she messes up she'll let down the world and her close friends so she tries harder which isn't so great because she's just adding more on her shoulders.

now one more character dive.

ALOY. Aloy is the best character ever. she's so strong and funny smart and just amazing, like I said I love the whole story of her saving the world going through countless things to get what she wants and needs, I think she wants to be alone because that's how she grew up alone she had rost but he was cold and I think she struggles with her friends because she just doesn't understand she does eventually get use to it but still I do believe she just wants to be alone and that's why she's out all the time yeah she goes out to get stuff but I think she also does it to get away from people in the base even though you control her I feel like she's just in and then out immediately she's always on her feet, she cares about people a lot but I think in the back of her mind she's still the little outcast who kids ran away from so instead of people running from her she runs away from them, but she doesn't notice this.

anyway I'm done hope you enjoyed my random thoughts and could relate to what I think. Thank you for reading :]

-Meep

[dumuzithemessiah]

A person’s race doesn’t make them a better leader

Especially since in Africa for example look how messed up it is over there! Wars, violence, witch trials[[I shit you not I read about this]], religious nutjobs trying to control and dictate other people’s lives, corruption, greed, I’ve heard of food problems, major anti LGBT problems[[Black people whine and cry about racism but the fact they discriminate on another group of people/lives in general is hypocrisy]], I know about the poaching problem, judging by that animal abuse is obviously a problem, robberies, anti human rights, like I said Christardnity is major problem as they dictate heavily over people’s lives over there and the bible teaches lies! I know so because of who I am!

So dear black people in the USA you may have it bad but if you were in Africa you’d be worse off.

I am not accusing every black person as bad but I am pointing out that black people aren’t just “victims” as they like to portray themselves as! In the USA gang wars are also a problem, like black people shoot other blacks yet think if they had a black leader it’d be all great and crap but nope!

Toxic blacks Republicans exist and they like their in Africa counterparts try to take away people’s rights! Those toxic black Republicans want to take away LGBT rights like white Republicans do! People cry about white Republicans but black ones are problematic too!

Also need I point out the blackwashing problem on the internet? Why is it okay to blackwash which is in reality as bad as whitewashing, somehow okay? Black people aren’t better than white people and white people aren’t better than black people. Having red hair doesn’t justify blackwashing someone!

I ain’t black and my hair is rose red and is dark rose red in my true form! Red hair doesn’t automatically mean black! Hollywood needs to stop blackwashing characters as it’s just as bad as whitewashing!

If you play Detective Pikachu you’d know they blackwashed the protagonist in the movie and tons of red headed characters get the blackwash treatment as if is only acceptable for black people to have red hair now? What the fuck is that bullshit?

Also Starfire ain’t black she has light skin just because she’s an alien doesn’t mean you can be racist and change her skin tone! I personally think an Asian actor would’ve been better based on her character and that’s my opinion.

This reddit points out the blackwashing problem:

Black people aren’t as oppressed as they think as it seems all a black person has to do to get their way is call someone the word racist and act like a crybaby on the internet and also resort to cyberbulling others while playing the victim!

Not saying the police problem isn’t an issue but you know what? Gonna say it: The race that cares more about what race someone majority of the time is black people themselves over other races. I’ve seen people on Youtube scream black supremacy too so it exists, and even has a page on wikipedia.

I’m from Nibiru - another planet larger then Jupiter - and am a real god - an advanced non human species - so franky I don’t favour any human race so you can shove your butthurt attitudes up your asses as part of my job is telling the truth so if you can’t handle a thing called reality check as CNN likes to victimise black people and we all know Fox News is full of shit, so, keep your crybaby bullshit attitude to yourselves!

Also gods and goddesses aren’t human and in pur humanoid forms we shapeshift as - we have pastel skin tones as no one on Nibiru is black as no humans exists so no human race exists except elves may have moved as elves are all olive anyways so pale olive-light tan olive is their range but they maybe in a different magical planet! Elves look way different then humans as they have slim bodies, bigger heads, big larger eyes, small mouths that look bigger when open, slim arms with only female being buffer, slim legs, small torsos, small necks, red hair ranging from magical reds to natural reds, so in short, nothing like you!

They maybe another hominin species but that doesn’t mean they look exactly like you humans!

But back on topic the point of this post is to wake up black people that they aren’t automatically the victims, they aren’t all good, they do wrong things just like white people do, they have members who discriminate and try to take other people’s rights using their religion of hate as to justify such hateful behaviour, and lastly they could have it way worse as like I pointed out in Africa that shit is way worser then the USA right now and the USA is shitty right now too but not nearly as bad as Africa clearly is!

Again not saying every single black person is like this but it needs to be said that many black people are highly toxic and are prejudice against non black people and the LGBT!

Race has nothing to do with the LGBT as LGBT was never about race but pricks decided to put black and brown - two colours that don’t look good with the flag and put trans colours too which why? Trans people have their own flag! LGBT is about sexuality, gender, identity, not and never was about race!

The so called “Progress” flag is racist and shouldn’t have been made period! Why only mention black and brown people and not other races?

If anything the black and brown bullshit addition is just creating racism and making black and brown people look like attention whores as with only two races it’s pathetically racist and makes those two groups of people look bad and attention whorish!

Plus there are more African and Asian people on the planet than other groups of humans so wth? That’s a statistic fact too!

Instead of whining at me for stating the facts you should hate the individuals acting like attention whorey assholes, blacks who spread racism, homophobia, transphobia, and intolerance, whites who also spread those issues, and realise that Earth is screwed up in general!

There is a reason my kind is coming to take down humanity and it’s because humanity has become too evil and wicked to the point my kind can’t even reason with you humans!

Man made religions are hugh massive problems as they teach lies, they teach hate, they teach discrimination, they teach racism, they teach others telling them to murder, kill, spread wars, lies, and spread chaos all so those man made religions could be in power and dictate over the lives of others!

Christianity is the worst one while Islamism is second and others follow after…

The letter J was invented by Gian Giorgio Trissino 500 years ago! Jesus is fake and his image is based on Cesare Borgia a Pope’s illegitimate son!

As the real Messiah whom is named Dumuzi a name which means “life” I am disgusted and disappointed with humanity favouring a false Messiah and using said fake Messiah’s fictional ass as an excuse to spread hate, murder, war, genocide, lies, and put evil doers who use these lies to put them in power!

This post is getting to long so I’ll make another post about the truth that needs be said as liars need to be told the hell off!

[hereiamtolive]

Encourage Myself

.

.

Hi It’s Monday! 

TUMBLR OVER MY WORKS.

Welcome 2023, it’s been 9 days..

After spent so many MONEY on 2022 i am in recovery mode for my own financial, you know paid the installments. I know i was such an impulsive last year, thinking that covid or something will come so i just used all my savings and paid all through installments, now i need to survive at least 4 months to save, until all bills are settled. Actually i still have a small amount of bill until end of year but just let’s make it 4 months.. (maybe small) so i guess i can pay it without even in a huge mode of saving.

Anyway, my english still sucks so either my life.

I hate myself for being lazy.

You know when i used to cry, i really want a macbook years ago? i thought that if i have it i will be more productive, now i rarely use it, i mean THE PROBLEM IS ME YET I AM STILL BLAMING MY LIFE. of course, when i cried to god i want to have fancy iphone 2 years ago? and also i want to travel overseas so i might be a traveller vlog? GOD JUST LET ME AFFORD ALL THOSE THINGS, and i did not make it again... i could have been created my vlog, i already got the phone, laptop, i travelled to bangkok and seoul i did nothing, i was too lazy. 

So, it’s me the same problem even the year has changed.

Why i am busy blaming the life for not being happy, 

Why i am so unmotivated

How can i encourage myself, that my life change is not because people around you, is it you, you are the one who can change your life. 

People are sucks, but you are not. 

You are the only one that won’t disappoint yourself..?

I mean you can get out of this fucking situation

So, I Hope you already make a progress when you come back to tumblr.

You do know, when you are confuse you just write everything inside your head here, trying to find your own answer.

You do not need to go to therapist, they are so waste of time and money IF YOU ARE NOT EVEN ENCOURAGE YOURSELF TO CHANGE.

So here’s the list of 2023 that i want to do... let’s perhaps you can read again when we are heading to 2024. I hope that all the list tick by the end of the year.

1. Move to a New Company (Bigger company, Experience, and Salaries)

2. Apply for Overseas Graduate School 

2. Get My Korean Intermediate-Fluent CERTIFICATE? (idk but my head told me to do it ?)

3. My instagram account FanArt shop will have at least 10k followers? (MEANS YOU HAVE TO KEEP PRODUCE A NEW DESIGN AND UPDATE IT EVERYDAY)

4. Travelling Overseas and Going Concerts 

5. Keep updating my daily vlog (regardless if i am broke) 

6. Working out! and Diet ... (i need to strict at this time to have ideal weight)

7. Open up to people

8. Apply skin care, Do not skip to take a bath even just a day.

9. Do not skip pray.

10. NO ISSUES WITH MY ANGER MANAGEMENET (be a calm person)

11. Moving out, living alone.

I am born in 11 so i need to have 11 wishes every year, 

So Good Luck! <3

[takalzuoom]

Hello! I hope you're having a nice day! I wanted to request savanaclaw with a bear beastman s/o? They have a huge appetite, is cuddly, and is almost as lazy as Leona.

Gasp? I’m doing requests again?? ik ik this is really really late, (and this was one of my more recent ones lol)

but there’s no time like the present!

𝐒𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐰 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐬/𝐨!

𝐋𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐚

black bear

Oh god, they’re everywhere, from swamps to desserts, even to fucking jungles. You don't realize how prominent bears are until you research em.  They also come in other colors?? Which is so weird to hear)

As much as I like to say Leona curls up into your bigger stature when you sleep, he doesn't, sorry babes 🤕

But oh my god, bears are adorable, like ah

Also, bears are (obviously) taller than lions… so except for an obvious height difference 🫦

And unfortunately… it's by a lot… Leona is 185cm / 6'0 so you’d be 200cm and 6’3 😺

I don’t make the laws, I only enforce them 😋

People don’t think you're a beast man, yeah I know, crazy right? Mainly because of your short ears and tails (Like how I found out Ruggie had a tail from one of his cards)

And since a lot of people think you won the genetic lottery, they just assume that the rising atmosphere is because you’re so tall and braully 

But Leona knew, oh god he knew the moment you entered Savanahclaw

Anyways, yall are like night and day. I mean, yeah, you're a bit sluggish, and a little slow, more of a gentle giant than a force of nature compared to Leona. Especially with his cold and calculating personality.

Yesh

But it surprisingly goes together??

No, you won't be able to pry Leona out of bed, but he can convince you to join him 😼🤭 (The most he’s ever done is offer you the spot with the most sun, and who are you willing to ignore an offer from the Leona Kingscholar)

Y/n: Leona get up, we gotta go to Trein’s class

Leona: And deal with his not-so-pop quiz, I don't think so. It'd be better for your health to take a nap, with me, in the sun. What’dya say 

Y/n :

If Leona ever loses you- what am I talking about, you're the tallest beast man/student in the school, which he likes- loves to rub in Malleus’ face 

Leona: Bet those horns are trying to concentrate on something 

Malleus: Interesting, cause I believe that ego of yours is compensating for something as well

Ladies ladies, please!

Even though you're more easygoing compared to Leona, you are still a bear beast man

Yes, you are a big cuddle bug and love hanging out with your friends/boyfriend… But my guy, you’re a fucking behemoth. So, unfortunately, you're gonna have some issues, like when people scurry away in fear whenever you're present 

Or dodge your ‘bear hugs’ matrix style because of your natural strength  

But that’s okay! Cause you’ve made it a game out of your friends to play ‘hide and go squeeze!’. They go about their daily life in constant fear of being ‘found’ by you… And boy oh boy do you get excited when you spot one. 

Floyd loves you

Though, there are some.... altercations.. about your reasonings on why you like squeezing the soul out of your friends 

Running full force with a beaming grin on your face with arms wide open, your long legs practically disappearing under you with how fast you were. Your friend's screams of horror echo through the historic buildings of NRC.

Obviously, Leona hears the shrills of your friends. 

He smirks ‘better them than me’

There will be some barriers to take care of. Like Leona’s pride, and his ‘no PDA rule’ …

Bitch 🙄

As previously stated, I would love to write about you encasing Leona in your big beefy arms as you lounge on his bed with the sun warming you both…

I mean you could try, just expect him to get VIOLENT

Or at least do it begrudgingly. 

And thus sparks your mission of getting him used to you

Now having a policy of not 1, not 2, not even3 or 4, but 5! Hugs per day!

And if you don't meet that quota with your friends… well.. 😈 

“Hug me and you’ll regret it” 

You're bound to at least get one hug from him!

Right?

:(

While you are more energetic than Leona; constantly chasing your friends around campus like Michael Meyers, you sometimes spend hours on end just lounging. 

Cause you, unfortunately, have a social battery that requires you to spend hours, and sometimes days alone. When your battery dies, it dies, and you won't budge. 

Becoming lazier than your boyfriend, you’ll just barge into his room, honey pot plushie in arm, and join him in bed. When he tries to wake you up... he can’t, cause you’re out cold

Of course, this had prompted some talks with Leona,  unfortunately for him (fortunately for you) you were in your mood and decided that you didn't care

Tbh, you're like an extremely toned-down Floyd

My guy, he loves you so much, he just doesn’t know how to show it 🥺

I’m lying, he buys you premium food and will dangle it over your head. 

If you aren’t terrorizing your friends or napping, you're munching 😼

Oh, you want that new black pasta with wagyu meatballs? Make Ruggie leave him alone

Ooooh, you want a bag of Doritos? Then deal with Ruggie

OOoooo you want this half-eaten lollipop he found on the field? Skip class and nap 

*double takes*

You are a human vacuum with an enabler

For my obey me fans, think of Beel

If Crewel takes away your emergency snacks, you're just pulling out more, if Trein confiscates those, you're simply pulling a bag of chips from your blazer???

Doesn’t help that your unique magic is honey pot. Allowing you to pull out what you want from any pocket/item you can place things in 

Ruggie: Man I’m starved… 👀

*Y/n pulling out a box of donuts from the trash*: Well I hope you have an appetite 

Y/n : *opens box*

Y/n: For nothing 🫵😼

you end up giving him another box cause you felt bad

You’re in the culinary club, sorry 🫤

Like yeah, you love having fun and physical activities and all… but free food 🤨

Delicious free food

But even if the food isn't all that great, food is food so you can't complain. And since you're the combined size of Riddle and Lilia, you need a lot

And you’re always bringing your food to Savanaclaw where you always feast with Ruggie. Sometimes when you're proud of your latest work, you’ll bring it to Leona to taste test

“Mid” This is the most delicious shit he's ever had-

Fine. If he can’t appreciate it then you’ll just bring it to Ruggie-

Leona: *Pulls out a slice of cake* Then you’ll miss out on dessert

Leona knowing that he got you to stay with him without actually having to put any effort / be vulnerable: 😼

You: 😦

I think that your tone shifts around Leona like with your friends you’re more outgoing. With Leona you’re calmer, not forcing yourself out there to not appear as the big bad bear you're implied to be. 

But just you. 

The good thing about Leona is that he doesn't care who you are (except if you're in Diasomnia) or what status you have in society. Cause if he likes you, he likes you

I think yall are cute, and many people don't see how you guys are even associated, let alone dating. 

𝐑𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐞

Also a black bear!

I know I didn’t go too into detail about your appearance in Leona’s, but let's be real, he'll use it to scare Ruggie / Malleus away

But Ruggie on the other hand….😺

Boy oh boy does he have fun scaring the shit out of people with it (Whilst you -pretend to- remain oblivious to it all)

For example, someone cut Ruggie in line for food, already seeing their grubby hands reach for Leona's lunch.

Ruggie has two options.

 He can of course use his UM 

      2. confront them 

what you didn't know is that there’s a secret third option!

 Work smarter, not harder! Is his motto for a reason. So he doesn't see the harm in having you (temporarily) go in front of him. tap them on the shoulder leering down at them. 

Cleanup on aisle 3🤭

Yeah you're also tall asf

Though something I want to get out of the way is that  male hyenas are more submissive to female hyenas… however

You're a bear, and as far as I'm aware, you're not female 

But you're taller than him, so I think you guys have a pretty equal relationship.

As long as you're happy, he can't complain. And as long as he's happy, you are too. 

The favoritism is awful. 

Like… lawd 🪑🧍🏻

If you cause trouble in the dorm all Ruggie's gonna do is groan, complaining how you're making his job harder than it needs to be

That's it. 

But if it’s someone else, he gets so annoyed, like passive-aggressive towards them for days on end

Like tripping, ignoring, glaring- basically the whole 9 yards. 

And if someone blames you or points out favoritism? 

:)

Leona gets involved cause they’re just causing so much trouble now! Constantly spilling things, causing fights, and bringing down the dorm's average 

Sigh, if only they kept their trap shut, oh well!

The more I think about your and Ruggie’s relationship, the more I think about bees

Ruggie will do anything for you cause you're just so sexy

But, it’s an equal exchange. If he does something for you, you gotta do smthn for him

-Like crush him with your thighs-

Be careful, cause he would do anything you wanted (within his power) only to ask for smthn outlandish, (I’m thinking sexy time stuff)

Okay okay, he’ll ask you to take care of some heavy lifting around to dorm, how you react is up to you cause he’s your sweet whittle bf..

now let's see those muscles -

Fuck you, Ruggie likes em thick

Where he’s from food is scarce, so even now he likes someone with a little meat on their bones. 

Something about the way your tummy peaks through your shirt as your snoozing away just makes him want to bite you

You're taller than him. There's more of you to love!

Ik I’ve been making him thirst the whole time, but that's his doing, not mine. 

He values your quality time together, which isn't very often. 

When all is peaceful within the dorm and Leona isn’t man-babying it up, he's immediately running towards you for an impromptu hang out

Okay, there's something called Ruggie bucks. Hang with me here

The way it started was when he started charging you ‘Ruggie bucks’ for each food run 

Ofc you never heard of that, so you had to pay actual money for them 

He doesn't like to exploit you like that, but you know he loves you for you and not your money and valuables.. right?

Even so, the transactions begun

For every food/errand run, homework completion, and excuse on why you weren't in class, you had to cough it up

Luckily he gave you 50, but now you had to start spending wisely cause you were running low…

“Eh? You don't got enough Ruggie bucks? Hmm, that is a problem…” He thoughtfully said hand scratching his chin as he looked out into the distance 

Before you could even speak, a grin stretched across his face “Well, it seems like I’ve saved enough, and you're now technically indebted to me…so” he drawled out

“So?”

“You have to do something for me”

Oh brother

You groaned, Ruggie’s laugh echoing as your brain wrecked itself for ideas on what Ruggie was planning

“15 Ruggie bucks for 2 hours of cuddle time”

… What?

Ladies n gents, that's how you request affection from your partner without outwardly saying your touch starved, thank you, n' good night!

But honestly, this is a win for you

This is canon, suck my dick

𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐤

A polar bear!

Okay- every mc is taller than their boyfriend 🤭

Jack is 192? (6’3?) Sucks cause you’re 205 cm (6’6) 😎

And like how 5’7 seems different on a guy and a girl, but you're still taller

Oh my god. Like Leona yall are night and day. you exude friendliness and Jack exudes emo wolf man. 

I believe that you two met before NRC, not like with Vil but you two were neighbors. 

He and his younger brother (more to come later) were out playing in the snow when he tripped!!

Jack, worried like how a big brother should be quickly went over to help (and to destroy the ice block that harmed his brother >:( 

As Jack was about to reach him, the ice block starts rising, snow trickling off and disappearing into the holes it created in the already snow-laid ground. Jack could no longer see his brother as there was an ice wall in the way. 

Alarm bells rang erractily in Jack’s head as his ears tensed up. He tried running faster, but his legs were too short to run efficiently in the snow 

“Y-“

“Aww you woke me from my nap,” the ice block said

Legs tripping from shock, Jack landed face-first into the snow, his ears twitching from the sudden coldness. 

As he lay there only one thing was running through his mind… ‘did that ice just talk?’

Though they were in a snow pocket, he was able to pick up the sounds of muffled voices.

Yep, it did

Ladies and gentlemen that's how I met your husband

But from then on you wouldn't leave him alone. Constantly there to play with him and his sibling(s) 

At first, it was begrudgingly, or more like he was watching out for his siblings not sure if you were a danger or not. By the looks of your tall, slightly pudgy exterior and white ears, you're a polar bear. He thinks, cause you certainly are lazy 

And that never stopped. Even at NRC

I like to think that you guys aren’t dating yet, but had a mutual pining for each other ever since you were little. 

Wolves mate for life, so when he revealed his crush to his mom at the fine age of 13, she made a huge emphasis to make sure you're the one

So that's what he's been doing, making sure. 

For 3 years… 

Yeah...

Remember how I said Jack was a lone wolf? Well, it’s usually him alone or you trailing behind. The first years joining later on as you two were dragged into the group 

They were fine with Jack, as there were some people around his height in their respective dorms… but you? You were in another ballpark. 3 inches does not seem a lot, but when you're tall every inch counts *cue Epel clenching his fist*

Oh yeah, Epel keeps on staring at you for whatever reason… and Jack does not approve of it and immediately asks if you've noticed it

“Huh? Oh, yeah I have, but I don't mind since he’s kinda cute” you hummed, stretching your arms as you muttered something about an afternoon nap. But Jack didn’t like how easily you said ‘ Epel was cute’.

Jealously jealously

Leaving to ask Epel, you couldn't help the small chuckle leave your lips.

“Oh y/n? Yeah, I really admire them for their strength and for how tall they are…”

Mhmmm

Now Jack may be a little naïve, but he wasn't stupid so he knows nothing's going on between you two and knows Epel wouldn’t try anything (if he wasn't stupid)

Mission success!

Jack tried to keep you happy, cause wolves are and were ahead of the times. Valuing their partners equally no matter who they are

And as long as you're happy, he’s happy. 

You couldn't do anything wrong in his eyes. Come in with mud dripping all over the floor, scratches littering your skin as another, smaller member of savannah claw comes in looking like he just got mauled by a bear

He’ll lightly scowl you while he’s just so passive-aggressive… no. While he's just so aggressive towards the other guy, even if it’s an upper-class man. 

You don’t even have to shed some crocodile tears to get out of trouble. Though when Ruggie comes along, or Leona...

They don’t care, just stop causing trouble. 

If you thought that did anything to improve your relationship with the wolf... you were wrong

Still dancing around each other in a love tango, everyone could tell Jack was getting more and more exhausted, from trying to convince you to join some kind of sports team, to stop napping all the time - and spend time with him :( - or to not miss class

And with you being the oaf you are, just turned around and shooed him away

At least once I see Jack trying to drag you out of bed. Ik ik ooc of him but he was tired of being ignored, plus you had classes to do and as your best friend it was his duty to make sure you were taking advantage of the education you were given (and to make sure he kept his promise to your mom to score mom points!)

So he did the only thing he could, brute force

Let’s say it sounded… quite misleading… and Ruggie wouldn't look him in the eye for a while

But back on track, he would try to get you to join a sports team as you have such ‘raw potential (as Vargas puts it) that it would be a disservice to both you and the school if you didn't. 

Plus he was getting kind of sad seeing Vargas so… depressed

Jack swore he saw his muscles deflate 

But eventually, you did join a club!

The cooking club!…

Okay yeah no you're forced into a sports club cause Vargas was going to deduct points from you

He has you join volleyball! (Sorry guys but I really like volleyball, sue me)

And Jack is a man of honor, so he doesn’t attend any of your games, but at that point, he gets tired of all the whispers around you about your uniform. With the constant bugging from Ace, decided to see what that was all about

He wouldn't lie and say you weren't on the heavier side, after all, you are a polar bear. You can get into all the different things about biology.

But mama mia you were thick and ripped. Sure you a little pudge but that only meant you were well fed and he's glad to see his friends so healthy! 🤭

Just image Jack twitching/ scowling every time he calls you a friend

But he ends up going to your game and enjoys it! you play middle blocker and you're just stopping these skinny white boys with ease. It’s hilarious. Had a proud smirk every time you would block a spike, or hell, even spike the ball so hard he swore it made an indent 

He was wondering if you even broke a sweat

But by the end you run over and gladly encase him in a hug 🤭 His face may be scowling, but his tail is wagging - which he hopes you don't see- 

You both leave together, going to Sam's shop for a cute little snack. Though Jack followed you rather than stood next to you to make sure no creeps would peep

Respectful king

Some part of me thinks Jack likes things the way they are, not wanting to ruin your relationship

But he can't stop the way he stares at the back of your head silently when you're talking so animated about volleyball (you didn't even want to take part of) 

He wouldn't admit it to himself, but he would gladly listen to you babble about your hobbies, interests, and thoughts any day of the week. 

Though, he could hear your chatters turn to mush as you spun around, your signature aloof grin on your face as you stared at him

“You should join the team!”

Now that stopped him in his tracks. And like Christmas morning everything erupted to sound again

“…Huh?”

“The volleyball team! You’d be amazing at it! You’re tall, fast, smart, and importantly: strong” you agreed with yourself. 

“Plus” 

 Like a snake, you slithered, arms around his shoulders as you pressed against his back

“We could spend more time together”

He stiffened, ears and tail at alert as he knew you could feel his rapid heart pound against his rib cage. 

“Can’t” was all he could muster out, breaking from your evil clutches

“ ‘M already a part of the track and field club”

He turned to face your pouting face

“And besides” he smirked “I’d rather watch you”

I know this was more of a best friend kind of thing rather than relationship headcanons, but suck my dick 🫵😶

i feel like this whole post was just ooc stuff 

[moon-light-jukebox]

Germs [Reid x Reader]

this gif isn’t mine

Summary: Reader is sure the resident BAU genius doesn’t like her, but she’s not sure why. But even if he did like her, he’s a germaphobe, so he wouldn’t be comfortable with the things she wants to do to him...would he?

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Word Count: 5.6k

Rating: Mature 

Category: Fluff and Smut 

Content Warning: Brief mentions of torture and violence, usually criminal minds stuff, nothing explicit. Light choking, oral sex (female receiving), penetrative sex, fingering, language (maybe?) 

A/n: I have come out of fan fiction writing retirement for this one. Let me know what y’all think!  masterlist

y/n - your name

y/l/n - your last name

italicized text is Reader’s sassy inner thoughts

---

I’m not sure if I believe in hell, but if there is a hell, I’m sure it feels exactly like Louisiana in July. Every time I walked outside I felt like I was walking into soup. Gross. I couldn’t help but feel guilty over my sigh of relief when I walked back into the local precinct the team was currently working out of. Young women are dying, and I’m worried about a little bit of heat.

But, fuck, it was hot.

Speaking of heat, I thought as I threw open the door to the conference room only to run smack into the hottest thing I’d ever encountered.

“Shit,” I exclaimed before I thought better of it. “I’m so sorry.” I ran my eyes up, up, up, all the way up his body until I met his eyes; those beautiful honey brown eyes that threatened to have me acting like an idiot if I stared into them for too long.  

Dr. Spencer Reid’s cheeks were tinged pink, his posture stiff, his fingers clutching the file he was carrying for dear life. “Don’t worry about it, Y/n,” he sounded uncomfortable, which made my stomach drop. “My fault.” With that, he quickly maneuvered around me and headed off to complete whatever genius task he had to complete.

My eyes followed him until he was out of sight before I mentally shook myself. ‘C’mon, this is pointless,’ I thought. ‘He doesn’t even like you.’ Which I really thought was true, the good doctor went out of his way to avoid me whenever possible. ‘Plus, he’s a germaphobe.’ This thought was confirmed true. He didn’t shake people’s hands, the only people I’d seen him touch during my time at the BAU were members of the team that he’d known for years, and some of those even seemed reluctant.

Admittedly, I didn’t know a lot about germaphobia; since I couldn’t ask the only genius I knew, I did the next logical thing. I googled it. Every person I’d read about seemed to experience germaphobia differently. Some people could have sex, but others were grossed out by the very idea. Knowing my luck, Spencer Reid and his beautiful hands, and his soulful eyes, and his cheekbones that could cut glass was in the repulsed by sex category. Which is fine! Right, it is fine to not be interested in sex; the only problem was I was very interested in every part of him.  

Maybe he thinks I’m gross. Maybe I stink? Maybe he’s just repulsed by my very presence. Regardless, I couldn’t see Spencer Reid ever shoving me against a wall and fucking me senseless.

I sighed, making my way over to the conference table, pulling out a chair before I flopped into it. I could feel the exhaustion settling into my bones. We had been in Louisiana for almost a week now and we were still no closer to finding our unsub. He was a white man, he worked in a lower-paying job, and he hated women. Obviously, that didn’t narrow it down much.

The unsub was targeting women in clubs and bars, following them outside before he bashed them on the back of the head. After that, he threw the girls over his shoulder and took them to his car; he moved them to a secondary location before he tortured them. The first two victims had survived. They were traumatized, but they were fighters; they both said the same things, ‘he kept my eyes covered the entire time,’ “I never saw his face,’ ‘I did whatever he told me to do.’

We thought the killing of the third victim had been an accident, but that accident had excited our guy enough that he changed his ritual; the killing was crucial now. We had 4 bodies, 2 live victims that couldn’t tell us anything, and no leads.

Sighing, I leaned forward, bringing the heels of my hands to my eyes. I hated feeling helpless. The answer to who this fucker was is in this evidence somewhere and I will find it. If it’s the last thing I do.

The doors swung open again, pulling me from my thoughts. Hotch lead the parade of people, followed by Morgan, JJ, and Dr. Reid. Our unit chef looked gravely serious…not that that necessarily meant anything, in the 6 months I’d been with the behavioral analysis unit I hadn’t seen him have any other expression.

Morgan pulled out his phone, hitting what I suspected was speed dial number 1. “Hey baby girl,” he said, without his usual swagger; even he was tired. “You’re on speaker. You’ve got me, Hotch, JJ, Reid, and Y/l/n.”

“And I have the always wonderful Emily Prentiss, and the dashing David Rossi on the line, effectively putting my favorite people together again, as they should be,” Garcia quipped. I don’t think she meant to include me in her list of ‘favorite people,’ but it made me smile anyway. “Okay, crime fighters, what’s the play?”

“We’re still no closer to finding the unsub,” Hotch began. “He’s highly organized, methodical, and paranoid; but he hasn’t killed in 3 days, this is a break from his escalation pattern. He’s going to strike soon.” Hotch leaned over resting his palms on the shiny fake wood of the conference table. “Our best chance is to send an agent out there as bait.” There was a general murmur of agreement before he continued on. “Garcia, we need you to find all of the night clubs, bars, and whatever else you can think of in the updated comfort zone.”

The sound of keys clicking made its way through the speaker. “Assuming we’re excluding the places he’s already hit, that leaves us with 3 possibilities.”

“So far he hasn’t struck a place twice,” Prentiss chimed in. “Do we think he’s going to hold to that pattern?”

Reid moved over to the board where the map of the county was displayed. “I think so. This guy is too careful to risk going to a place where he’s been before. The chance of him being recognized is too great, especially when everyone is on high alert.” He gestured to the area he had circled on the map. “His pattern seems to be focusing in on this center point right here,” he said, placing a pin in the map. “This area means something. Garcia, what is the closest club or bar to the intersection of Washington Avenue and Harrison Street?”

“That would beeeeee…The Blue Fox.”

“That’s where he’ll be,” Dr. Reid said confidently, his eyes moving to Hotch’s face.

The older man nodded. “It’s our best lead so far, we have to run with it.”

“It’s Friday night,” Rossi pointed out. “We’ll have to act soon.”

Hotch nodded, seeming to be lost in thought. “We need to send agents in there tonight. We know the victims were all on dates or flirting with a man right before their abduction. He targets women that are happy with their companions then waits til he can separate them.”

“Who are you planning on sending in, Hotch?’ JJ questioned.

“Y/l/n is the youngest, she fits the build of the previous victims the best.” His heavy gaze rested on me. “What do you think?”

Like it was even a choice. “I’m in.”

Hotch nodded, accepting my answer. “Good. You’ll partner with Reid.”

“What?!” I squawked, much to my embarrassment. I cleared my throat before I continued. “But, Reid and I…I just thought Morgan would be the obvious choice.” Fuck, I’m just digging a bigger hole.

Morgan gave me an easy smile. “You’re just saying that because you wanna see my moves, little mama.”

Hotch cleared his throat, bringing our attention back. “Morgan is too intimidating; the unsub might not move in if he feels too threatened. You’ll go with Reid.” When he was met with silence he continued on, “alright, let’s get to work.”

-

And that is how I wound up in a club in Louisiana on a Friday night, in a tight black dress, with Spencer Reid beside me. After he walked into the club holding my hand. He doesn’t hold hands, I cringed internally at the thought. He must feel so uncomfortable.

He waved the bartender over, ordering a drink for me and a water for himself before turning to me. “I thought a drink would loosen you up a bit. You look nervous.”

I am nervous. “Right. Thanks.” I drummed my fingers on the bar, my gaze sweeping around the club for anyone who seemed out of place and especially creepy. Most lone men at clubs and bars were creepy, but we need especially creepy.

“Is that because you don’t think I can have your back?”

My head snapped back around. “What?”

Spencer paused to accept the drinks from the bartender, sliding him the money. “In the conference room. You seemed upset that Morgan wasn’t going to be your partner,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Is that because you think I wouldn’t have your back?”

Fuck. I blushed to the roots of my hair. “No, Spencer! God no! It’s not that, I know you’d have my back.” I took a sip of my drink before I said anything else. “It’s just that…you don’t seem to like me very much, and I know you have a thing about germs, and I thought maybe that’s why you didn’t like me.” I was babbling; I was absolutely babbling. “I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable, that’s all. Morgan has never seemed uncomfortable around me, so…” I trailed off lamely.

The corners of his lips quirked up in amusement. “So, you didn’t want to partner with me on this because you didn’t want me to be uncomfortable?”

I nodded, fidgeting with the straw in my drink.

Spencer moved closer to me, his right hand coming to rest on the small of my back. He seemed as calm as he could be, meanwhile I suddenly had trouble breathing.

It’s for the case. He has to do this for the case. Calm down.

"What do my issues with germs have to do with this?" he wondered, leaning closer to me. I could feel his breath on my neck; my skin broke out in goosebumps.

Double fuck. “Well, we’re supposed to be…together. And you think I’m gross. What if you have to kiss me?” TRIPLE FUCK. “Not that we’d have to kiss,” I tried to backpedal. “But we might, you never know. And I just didn’t…I don’t want you to dislike me more than you do.”

The teasing smile slipped from his face, the fingers on my lower back flexing slightly. He regarded me with a tilt of his head. "You're serious?" At my shaky nod, he continued. "Y/n, I don't think you're gross."

“You don’t?” I squeaked.

He lifted his hand from my back then, sliding it up to my shoulder, his free hand moving from the bar to rest on my hip. Spencer brushed my hair back before he leaned forward. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I felt his lips touch the tender skin of my neck. My eyes fluttered shut, unable to suppress a gasp at the contact. Spencer Reid’s beautiful lips slid down to the place where my neck and shoulder met, then I felt his teeth nip the skin before he placed another kiss there. He worked his way back up towards my ear, the hand on my hip moving slightly so he was almost grabbing my ass. “I don’t think you’re gross,” he breathed, causing me to shudder. I could hear the smirk in his voice. “Germs don’t bother me in that way, especially around people I know. I wouldn’t have a problem kissing you, baby.”

I was going to need new panties after this. Spencer Reid, awkward, sweet, Dr. Spencer Reid just called me Baby.

“…Oh.” Really, y/n. Oh; you went with oh?

The good doctor pulled back, his face close enough to mine that I could see that he had freckles under his eyes and that those beautiful eyes got more golden towards the center. "Oh."

-

Michael Watkins was the name of our unsub. He was a short white man with a receding hairline and a bad temper. His last relationship had ended 3 months before the first attack; Spencer was right to pick this bar. Shortly after he tried to make my pussy combust with his neck kisses, Reid suggested I walk to the bathroom, assuring me he’d be watching if anyone followed.

Watkins’ hand was in my hair, dragging me outside before I made it to the ladies’ room. I felt a jolt of fear as I struggled to escape, strands of hair being ripped from my head. I shouldn’t have worried, because no sooner had the outside door opened than I heard the velvety voice of Derek Morgan. “FBI! Put your hands where we can see them.”

He attempted to run. Why would anyone try to run from Derek Morgan?  

After the medics confirmed I was okay, I was sent back to the hotel while the rest of the team went with the local police to book Watkins and try to get a full confession.

“Good work,” Hotch said, his hand clapping down on my shoulder.

The highest praise I’ll ever need.

I hopped into the shower right when I got back to my room, not wanting Watkins’ touch on me for a moment longer.

Spencer’s touch, however,…That was a touch I wouldn’t mind having on me. But he’d barely looked at me once he made it outside. I knew he was being affectionate in there because of the case, we were playing a role. I knew that. I still couldn’t stop the twinge of hurt I felt.

But he doesn’t think I’m gross. That had to count for something.

I had just got done blow drying my hair enough so that it wouldn’t look too crazy when I woke up when there was a knock on my door. Figuring it was Emily, I didn't consider the fact that I was in my pajamas, and my face was scrubbed free of makeup.  

It wasn’t Emily. Spencer Reid stood on the other side of my door, his eyes running down my body before he met my bewildered stare again. “You look comfy,” he commented with that damn little smile on his lips again.

“Oh. Yeah. I took a shower.” Way to go, y/n, you’re really killing it tonight.

“I see that,” he said, his cheeks going a little bit pink. “Can I come in? I thought we should talk.” Was he nervous? Why would he be nervous?

I ushered him in, shutting the door behind him. He sat on the bottom edge of my bed; his body angled towards the headboard. I briefly debated about where to sit before I joined him. Don’t make it weird, y/n.

He cleared his throat before he began. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable tonight. I just wanted to make sure we got the guy.”

Right. “Oh, it’s okay, Spencer. I get it. I wasn’t uncomfortable.” I picked at the frayed edge of my sleep shorts, my eyes dropping so he didn’t see anything on my face that betrayed how I was feeling; you can’t be too careful around profilers.

His hand reached out to cover my own fidgeting hands, one of his hands covering both of mine. His hands were so big. His fingers were so long, the veins in his hands were so pronounced. I bet those fingers would feel really – FOCUS.

“I’m also sorry you thought I didn’t like you.” His thumb had started to move slowly over the back of my hand. “I do like you. I like you a lot, actually. I just…” I brought my gaze back up to meet his eyes. “I just get nervous sometimes.”

“You didn’t seem nervous in the club.”

“No,” he chuckled. “I wasn’t nervous then because it was my job. I wasn’t worried about misreading a signal…doing the wrong thing…I’m not the best with social cues.” I had noticed that about him before. “But I am a really good profiler.” And he’s humble too, apparently.

“I know that you couldn’t fake your reaction to me in the club. Your breathing became quicker, I felt your pulse jump under my lips when they were on your neck. I saw how blown your pupils got." He shifted closer to me then, bringing his other hand up to push my hair behind my shoulder like he did earlier in the night. "Just like they are now."

He leaned closer to me, his voice was lower, and it made my stomach flutter. "You're clenching your thighs together, Y/n. Your shirt may be baggy, but I can see how hard your nipples are too." His tongue ran out to wet his lips. "If I'm wrong, just tell me now. If I've misread this, I will leave right now, and we can pretend this never happened." Spencer brought both his hands up to cradle my face; despite how wet my panties were, how tight my nipples are, how badly I wanted him to touch me, this gesture made me feel special. He was holding me like he actually cared about me like I was precious. "But, if I'm not wrong, and you want this too, Y/n, tell me. Tell me you want this too and I won't stop touching you until you scream my name."

I let out a soft whimper then. Like it’s a choice. “I want this,” I leaned into his touch. “Please, Spencer.”

His thumb brushed over my cheek, his eyes never leaving mine. “Please, what, baby?”

“Kiss me.”

No sooner had the words left my mouth than his lips were on mine. His lips were softer than I imagined, they were firm and almost…questioning. When I nipped at his bottom lip, something seemed to break free inside of him. His lips slanted over mine with a hunger I had never felt. His tongue ran over my bottom lip before I opened for him. Spencer’s tongue moved into my mouth while his hands moved; one hand moved back to grip my hair at the base of my skull, tugging firmly, the other moved down to my neck, not applying any pressure, just resting it there in a gesture that felt possessive.

The need for oxygen broke us apart, his lips moving across my cheek to my jaw, then down to my neck. “How could you think I didn’t like you?” he mumbled into my skin. “You have no idea what you do to me. None.”

I threw my head back when he sucked on my pulse point, a moan ripping from my throat. “W-what…what do I do?”

Pulling back from me, he gripped the bottom of my shirt, looking at me for consent before he pulled it over my head. His eyes were firmly on my chest, his lips parted, his breathing heavy. He pushed me down slowly on the bed; I was on my back and he was hovering over me. I felt his mouth place hot, wet, kisses from my collarbone down towards my breasts. His right hand landed on my breast, his thumb brushing back and forth over my nipple while his lips moved closer and closer to my left. I tangled my hands in his hair, urging him forward.

“You want to know what you do to me?” he raised his head slightly, making sure my eyes were on him when he flicked his tongue over my nipple, causing me to gasp. “What do you do to me in your little skirts, with your little smiles, and your little laughs?” He gave my nipple a sharp pinch. “You’re all I fucking think about, y/n.” With a growl, he finally took my nipple in his mouth, teasing it with his teeth and tongue. He switched to the other breast while he adjusted himself over me, bringing his pelvis down to rest at the seam of my body between my thighs. I shifted restlessly under him, trying to grind my pussy against him. He was so fucking hard.

With a groan, he lifted his head and started kissing his way towards the middle of my chest, moving down to the curve of my stomach. “Do you know how many times I came back to my hotel room after spending all day with you and was so hard I had to cum before I could think of anything else?” he peppered kisses down my body as he spoke.

My eyes shot open at this confession that he seemed to think was no big deal. “What?” I couldn’t believe this. “You…you touched yourself and thought of…”

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts and panties, taking my raised hips as an invitation to remove both from my body. "You. I thought of you." He threw my clothes on the floor, pulling my legs open. His eyes moved over all of me, his Adam's apple bobbing when he swallowed hard. “I thought about kissing you. About making you squirm for me.” He ran his fingers up and down my thighs, his mouth running slowly over my inner thighs. Spencer’s hands hooked around my upper thighs, moving me to where he wanted me. “But, most of all, I thought about this pretty pussy.” He placed a kiss on my clit, chuckling at the wanton moan that came from me and how my fingers tangled in his soft brown curls. “I thought about all the different ways I could make this pretty pussy cum all over me.” With that, he ran his tongue up my slit before flicking it over my clit.

Dr. Spencer Reid was good at everything, so of course, he was good at this too. His mouth moved over me, watching my reaction to see what I liked best. His tongue moved in circles around my clit before slipping down to my opening. His tongue plunged inside me, fucking me, while his thumb came over to rub my clit.

“Spence- fuck- Spencer, please.” My hips tried to shift restlessly, but his arms were iron bars holding me still. He slowly moved his left forearm to rest across my hips, bringing his right hand down to my throbbing pussy. He pulled his mouth away from me, much to my dismay. He pushed one finger, then another into me. My head thrashed wildly, and my thighs started to shake. “Spencer!”

He just smirked and curled his fingers, hitting the spot inside me that made everything in my body pulse. “What, baby?”

My breaths were coming in gasps, my voice was a needy whimper. “Make me cum, Spencer. Please, please make me cum.”

He needed no other encouragement. His fingers continued their steady thrust in and out of me while his mouth covered my clit again. He alternated between flicking my clit with his tongue, then circling it before pulling it into his mouth, sucking lightly.

“Spencer.” I felt my orgasm rising. “Spencer don’t- don’t stop. I’m gonna cum, please make me cum.”

He kept his pace steady, sucking on my clit, moaning at my words. His eyes had been closed, but at that moment they opened and met mine. Then I felt his teeth ghost over my clit, I saw the want in his eyes. That was my undoing. My back arched, my mouth hung open in a silent scream. I heard myself say his name over and over again. Spencer pushed his fingers inside me, massaging me through the most powerful orgasm I had ever had. With one final kiss on my oversensitive clit, he withdrew his fingers, putting them into his mouth to suck my orgasm off of them.

He kissed back up my body, and I tried to respond, but I was still so shattered. I had never felt anything so powerful before. He cupped my face in one hand and kissed me slowly. I returned the kiss, moving my hands to the buttons of his shirt.

Spencer broke the kiss, pulling back to look at me again. “Hang on, baby.” His hand came up to still my own. “We can take a second. It’s okay. Just breathe.”

This beautiful man smiled at me then. I felt my heart flutter when he leaned down to pepper soft kisses along my jaw, his thumb coming up to wipe a tear that fell from the corner of my eye that I hadn’t even noticed.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. He shifted to lay beside me, whispering reassurances to me while I came back down. This was just one of the ways that Spencer was so different from every other man. I didn't feel rushed, or pressured. I could feel how hard he still was, I could feel the tension in his body, but he simply kissed me while he cupped my jaw.

He made me feel…cherished.

I moved my hands to tangle in his hair again, deepening our kiss. He didn’t move my hands away when I started to work on the buttons of his shirt. The fire that I thought had been calmed by my orgasm had come roaring back. Spencer moved his hands to his belt while I finished with his shirt. His shirt came off, tossed in the same direction as my clothes. I pulled his pants and boxers down his legs, watching his cock spring free.

Everything about him was painfully beautiful. His angular cheekbones, the jaw that looked like it was carved from granite, even the toned muscles of his body. He had a small trail of hair that went down from his belly button to his groin. His cock laid against his stomach, the head glistening with precum.

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered, kneeling beside him, running my eyes over his body.

His soft hand came to grab mine, pulling it to his lips. He kissed the back of my hand, smiling softly at me.

I moved to straddle him, lower on his thighs. I took him in my hand, moving up and down, twisting my wrist as I neared the tip, swiping my thumb over his head.

“Baby,” he groaned. “Y/n, as much as I want you to do…whatever the fuck you want with me, I’m so close. I feel like I’m going to explode.” I bit into my bottom lip, unable to totally stop the smile spreading over my face. “Please, I need to feel your pussy wrapped around my cock.” He moved his hands to my hips, urging my body forward.

I raised up on my knees, taking him in my hand again, lining him up with my entrance. The tendons in his neck were strained, his fingers gripped my hips so hard I knew I was going to have bruises tomorrow. As I slowly started to sink down on his cock, Spencer let out the sexiest groan I had ever heard. His eyes were fixed where our bodies were joined, watching his dick slid deeper inside of me.

“Come on, baby,” he whispered. “You’re doing so good. Just a little bit more.”

He was so long, he wasn't overly thick, but just thick enough to cause a pleasurable stretching when he breached me that was almost painful. I gasped out a sound that might have been his name when he bottomed out inside me. I slowly circled my hips, adjusting to him. Spencer’s nails dug into my hips as he forced himself to stay still.

“Please move, y/n. Please. You’re so fucking tight.” He groaned as my walls fluttered around him. “Do you like it when I talk to you? Does that make your pretty pussy wetter?” He smirked at my whimper as I tightened around him.

I began at a slower pace, trying to tease him. Spencer quickly lost patience with that; he thrust his hips upwards, meeting my movements, his hands pushing me down onto him. I leaned forward, bracing on hand on his shoulder, the other on the bed. He pounded into me while I tried to match his pace. Spencer’s hand moved from my hip up to wrap around my throat. I nodded, forcing my eyes to stay open as he moved inside me.

His fingers squeezed slightly, pulling my face closer to his. Our lips met in a sloppy kiss. My thighs burned from matching his movements. “You feel so fucking good, y/n.” His grip on my neck tightened ever so slightly, which only heightened my arousal. “I want to feel you cum on my cock. Can you do that for me, pretty girl?”

He flipped us over quickly, never pulling completely out of me. Spencer moved to push my legs further apart, the change in angle allowing him to fill me deeper than I thought possible. His hair was sticking to his brow, his cheeks were flushed, his breathing erratic. He was the most fucking beautiful thing I had ever seen.

One hand held my leg, the other went down to my pussy, his thumb moving over my clit at a rapid pace. “Tell me what you need, Pretty Girl. Tell me how to make this pretty pussy cum all over me.”

I whined at his words. “Spencer, I-“ my voice broke off. I was so fucking close. "I need you." He seemed to understand my broken plea. He brought his body down, his chest flush against mine. He rocked into me at such a fast and hard pace. His hand still in between us rubbing circles around my clit.  

I felt his lips ghost over my ear. “I want to fucking hear you, y/n.” His speed increased, his thrust getting choppier. He was close. “I want this whole fucking town to hear what you sound like when I make you cum. When you cream all over my dick, I want you to scream my name.” With that, he moved his mouth down my neck. He bit the same tender area he had kissed in the club, where my neck met my shoulder.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck yes, Spencer!" I felt myself begin to splinter apart. “Please make me cum, fuck please.” My babbling finally broke as my orgasm tore through me. I couldn’t hear his deep groan when I came, my scream was too loud. I felt the vibration against my neck. It was only as I started to float down that I realized my nails were dug into his back. With a few last thrust and my name on his lips, I felt Spencer pulse, cumming inside me.

We lay there for a few minutes, just breathing before he rolled off of me. I felt overwhelmed, so I was relieved when he tugged me over to him. He wrapped his arm around me when I laid my head on his chest. I felt his lips on my forehead. “It’s very important for women to urinate after sexual intercourse to avoid UTIs, but you have another minute or so before that becomes more urgent.”

I couldn’t control my laugh at his comment. "Thanks, Doc." I kissed his chest. "Only you could make me cum so hard I almost blackout, then go back to being…you." I slowly untangled myself from him, going to the bathroom to handle business. When I returned, I found Spencer where I left him, his eyes were fixed on the ceiling, one hand resting behind his head, the other over his heart. He looked so lost in that moment.

“Spencer?” I asked, crawling on to the bed. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t pretend that something wasn’t bothering him. “When you said that I just go back to being me…Do you not like that?”

My heart broke a tiny bit at the question. “Spencer, no! I love that! I love your little facts and statistics!” How did he not know that? “The best part of my day is listening to you talk. Just being with you is wonderful.” I cupped his face, bringing his gaze to mine. “Sure, I like what we just did; but I liked you before that. I want both.” Fuck. “Assuming you want me,” I rambled quickly. “This doesn’t have to mean anything, I know that it doesn’t always-“

He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine in the sweetest kiss I had ever felt. It was filled with hope and promise and…Spencer.

“It means everything to me, Y/n.”

-

I didn’t see the rest of the team until the next morning when we all boarded the jet; I was so ready to go home. I personally didn’t think anything appeared that different. Spencer sat beside me on the couch, but that wasn’t weird…right? We were just co-workers, sitting beside each other super casually. Had we spent most of last night and a little bit of this morning screwing each other’s brains out? Certainly. But you couldn’t see that…right?

Morgan’s chuckle is what confirmed I was so wrong. “Hey, y/l/n,” he called, smiling so hard it looked like his face would split from his amusement. “You missed a spot.” He pointed towards his own neck.

There was a beat of silence before Hotch snorted. SSA Aaron Hotchner, the man who never found anything funny was laughing at me.

I felt myself turn tomato red, angling my body towards Spencer’s, burying my head against his shoulder, away from the rest of the team.

“I bet you’re glad pretty boy was your partner now, huh?”

I may have wanted to melt into the floor in embarrassment, but it was sort of worth it to see the blush on Spencer’s cheeks.

--

[sugamamacustard]

Let me help you

Pairing:  Alpha! Toru Oikawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Hajime Iwaizumi x Omega! Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, Hurt/comfort.

Request: Because I like a bit of hurt/comfort, and I love the idea of an omega depression, I'm curious on how alpha third years on Aoba Johsai (so like Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Mattsun) would do in response to their omega being in an omega depression.

Summary: Because of unseen circumstances, you drop, and you drop hard. How does your alpha help you/redeem himself?

Author’s Note:  Oikawa’s got really long, so I didn’t include Mattsun or Makki. If you wanna request a part 2 I’ll get on it right away!

Requests: Open!

Toru Oikawa

➵ Truth be told, it was kind of his fault. 

➵Right after you both bonded, he immediately seemed to drop any redeeming qualities he had while courting you.

➵He skipped out on dates, stayed later and later at practice, gave the mile to his fangirls.

➵And while you could get over that, the worse thing you realized was when you went to cheer him on at one of his games. 

➵His bond mark was covered with a scent gland bandage and when Iwaizumi noticed it (He knew of your bonding), he sent a worried glance your way.

➵He could practically see the heartbreak from his place on the court. 

➵What was worse was that you didn’t make a scene. 

➵You stood, turned and left. That was it. 

➵ Oikawa was busy doing his pre-game whatever to notice, making the situation even worse.  

➵Iwaizumi wanted to follow you but the whistle of the ref called him back. 

➵ You didn’t want Iwaizumi to follow you anyway. 

➵You felt numb. So, so numb. 

➵Like anything you previously felt-- any longing, or wishing for your alpha-- reduced to a numb buzz that kept your body moving. 

➵You felt like you were on Autopilot. 

➵Toru made it fairly obvious that he wanted your bond mark on display, so why weren’t the same standards held to him? It wasn’t against the rules of volleyball-- several alphas had theirs out on proud display with their omega cheering in the stands. 

➵Was it you?

➵God, you felt so empty. Like your will to live was dripping away. 

➵You felt your omega lay down, whining as they tried to figure out what was wrong. Where did you go wrong? 

➵You barely felt the soft fleece of your blankets as you settled into your nest for who knows how long. 

___

 Toru was lost. You were in the stands during warm-up last game, but was gone by half-time. Okay, fine. Maybe you had to pee. But then you didn’t show up at all after that.  While at the time it took a back burner-- because we all know how Oikawa plays-- it was now front and center. His alpha was on edge and snapped on him twice already, sending sharp throbs of pain to his temples. It had been three days since Toru had seen you, his mate, so Toru could tell that was a big reason for his frustration. But Toru didn’t know why you had been gone for three days. 

If you were sick, why didn’t you text him? Were you injured? Toru didn’t know.  His neck burnt with anticipation at the thought of you in any peril. 

Where were you?

 Shoving his way past a few fangirls, Toru made his way into the gym, racking his brain for any sort of hint. Vacation maybe and you just forgot to tell him?

 “Iwa-chan! I need your-” Toru paused, huffing when Iwaizumi roughly shoved past him. His alpha was on guard immediately, making Toru growl loudly.   “What’s you issue, Iwa? Blue-balled or something?” 

The laugh that left Iwaizumi made even him, the head alpha, shiver. “My issue? What’s yours?! You absolutely destroyed your relationship last game and ask me for help?! What the hell is wrong with you, Oikawa?!”  

Oikawa swallowed. There was no nickname. No sense of friendship in his words. They were straight malice, laced with acidic venom meant to hurt him. 

When Oikawa didn’t immediately answer, Iwaizumi continued. “You make them wear their bond mark for all the world to see, but cover yours up? What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?! How in the hell you got someone like them to glance your way for more than a second is beyond me, let alone bond you; but when you do, you fucking destroy them. You’re a failure of an alpha, Toru Oikawa.” 

Truth be told, Oikawa thought that him covering up his bond mark would save you from trouble. The less people who knew about him being mated the less people to harass you. But he was your alpha. He was supposed to make sure that didn’t happen anyway.  Fuck, Iwa was right. He was a failure. This became evident as more and more things came hurdling back at him.  He didn’t even grab his duffel before he was, quite literally, sprinting out of the gym. He didn’t care who he pushed over. He didn’t care who he snapped at. He didn’t care. He only care about one person and one person alone. 

___

You whined as hunger continued gnawing at your gut. You wanted to eat, really, but you just didn’t have the energy. You didn’t have the will. 

You still felt so numb and didn’t know where to go from here. At this point, it was clear you were in the midst of an Omega Depression, and to be fair-- that scared you. You wanted to spend the evening in your nest, restart and reboot, before talking to your alpha about it the next day. You truly didn’t mean to drop. 

But here you were. The aspect of ...starvation scared you. The aspect of no closure for yourself scared you. Death scared you. But you couldn’t fight yourself to fix it. Couldn’t bring yourself to even lift your head or stay awake for more than an hour. 

The door to your room slammed open, but you didn’t look up. It was probably your guardian coming in to try and get you to eat again. But you wouldn’t. 

Your heart dropped when the smell of burnt plastic invaded your sense. 

“No- no, no, no, no no- Please god no-” Oikawa felt his heart shatter at the sight of you. You looked like you had both feet dangling in the grave, hanging on by a loose root you grabbed onto in a last ditch effort. 

He continued repeating no while running his hands through his hair, already crying before he even set foot in your room.  When he did dare step closer, that was all it took before he was running to you, pulling you in close despite your whines of protest.  His grip on you was bruising, but he couldn’t risk letting you slip. Not again. 

“Please- please don’t leave me.” He sobbed into your shoulder, your own eyes stinging (Dehydration keeping tears from falling).  “I- I can fix this- I can fix us. Fuck- Please Y/N. Please omega, let me help you. Let me make this right!”

Though you didn’t say anything, the grip on his jacket told him all he needed to know. And though it would be a long road to recovery, you and him would conquer it. 

➵ Completely contrary to Oikawa, your drop wasn’t anyone’s fault.

➵Maybe the school systems, if there was blame to be put. 

➵So much had gone on in such a short period. 

➵You and your alpha, along with his team, had been bombarded with practice and paperwork in preparation for the upcoming tournament. 

➵But just because volleyball picked, doesn’t mean school drops off.

➵ You had essay after essay due, Unit exams which would soon fall into Final exams.

➵You and Hajime had barely even seen each other all week.

➵You both still sent each other good morning and good night texts, and if you see each other in the hallway you’ll give each other a quick peck. 

➵Honestly, it was obvious everyone was on edge. 

➵Teachers didn’t care though, they just kept piling on more, and more, and more work.

➵ And volleyball just kept getting closer and closer.

➵You stumbled into the gym with a chirp, trying to sort through the multitude of papers in your arms. 

➵Your back was aching and your arms were strained, but you couldn’t drop them. That would be a disaster. 

➵ The coach sent you a raised brow, offering a hand to help. You waved him off, sitting on the bench with a grunt.

➵Everyone was already sweaty and panting, practice in full swing. 

➵God, everyone looked so tired already. 

➵You could feel the waves of exhaustion.

➵ As they were just in deep in your bones as they were in theirs. 

___

“Did you finish filling out the registry forms?”

You looked up to the coach, nodding slowly before riffling through your papers and pulling out the ones you were looking for. You handed them to the beta, quickly going back to your notes once more. 

You noted the stumbled steps and slowed reflexes, but simply made it a point to emphasize rest with the boys. Maybe a day with no practice would do them more good then practice. 

Hajime was doing well, as usual, somehow keeping his head and energy high. You know he hasn’t gotten much rest either, and you felt for your alpha. Honestly, you just wanted one day with just you and your alpha, where you both could sleep the day away and come back good as new. 

That just sounded glorious. 

“You wouldn’t mind filling out the ref sheets either, would you?” The beta smirked, already handing you the sheets. He knew you had a tough time saying no to people older and/or bigger than you; and had you doing several things that most mangers would never touch.

It was tiring.

You reluctantly took the sheets, already starting on them. The notes you were working on were yanking from under you, the coach reading over them. 

He scoffed at your note of possibly skipping a practice. “Are you serious?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“Take a break?! These boys are on the brink of a skillful breakthrough, and you want to stop them?!” 

You closed in on yourself at the yells, trying to focus on the ref sheets. He continued yelling and berating you for the notes you made. You could feel the teams stares on you, but you also knew they wanted you to learn to stand up for yourself. They had been giving you a few minutes to try and collect yourself and if nothing happened they would step in. 

It only took seconds for you to finally break down, sobbing into your hands as the coach’s yelling reached a breaking point. The team took very time to act then and there. 

Oikawa and Kyoutani were snapping and growling, pushing him back and away from you while Hajime slid onto his knees in front of you, pulling you to his chest and kissing your bond mark. He rocked you side to side, purring and letting you cry. 

You sobbed and sobbed while the coach tried backtracking, but it was too late. The pack was on defense. One of them was in danger and they were going to make sure they all were safe. 

___

You don’t remember falling asleep, but when you wake up, your in Hajime’s arms, which are wrapped tight around your waist. 

Oikawa was on the other side of you, head on Hajime’s thigh, Makki and Mattsun were cuddling together a little to the left of you. Kyoutani was closest to you (He had a soft spot for you, almost like you were another older sister to him). You ran a hand through his hair for a moment before taking a deep breath in and out. The rest of the team was scattered in the puppy pile around you, and the gym was dark. 

In fact, everything was dark. There were chairs propped up by the door, just in case you supposed, and there were jackets littered everywhere. Your heart fluttered at the thought. 

Hajime’s arms subconsciously tightened around you, luring you back into sleep.

You, your alpha, and your pack.

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.”