#and while venting is nice its just i need something fun in life for once

[desire-mona]

siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

thoughts on 4WS? everybody and their mom knows the prelude,but would you be interested in talking about some of the other interesting vehicles with stuff like this?

or maybe other methods of decreasing turn radius?

I love the “everybody and their mom knows the Prelude”. Truly the embodiment of the silicate chemistry XKCD.

But sure! I can’t really say much about 4WS beyond “It’s when the rear tires steer opposite to the fronts to decrease turn radius at low speeds or when they steer with the fronts to increase stability at high speeds, and it really helps make cars be and feel more agile, which is why you see it on the new Range Rover and why you will probably see it in many other cars now that they are all ballooning out of proportion. Cool! Don’t park too close to curbs tho or your rear end will kick out into them and curb your wheels”, so let’s move on to… less orthodox ways to decrease turn radius.

You’d included a GIF of the Rivian “tank turn” which they were going to include in their models only to then not, but I took the liberty to place it next to a GIF of the BYD YangWang U8 showing it off at the latest and incredibly exciting Japan Mobility Salon [for some reason this post is stuck on the old editor so pretend that link is blue] to offer suitable accompaniment

(start at 1:36 if it doesn’t do so automatically)

Hope this will do in lieu of commentary because all I could offer is a demonstration of how many times I can type “what the fuck” in a row. Oh and if that wasn’t enough they also showed one do this.

I am genuinely pretty sure I came up with such a wheel design and then thought “no, this is stupid and absurd, forget I thought that” and then BYD was like “lol, lmao, rotfl even”.

But if you have wheels that don’t make you fear a robot uprising and surfaces that grip too hard to permit that Tchaikovskian bullshit, what are you to do?

Well, turn radius is a function of steering angle and wheelbase, so you can just alter those! Now, one would think the distance between the centers of your wheels would be pretty tough to alter, and indeed, it is. Well, it is pretty tough to alter without getting a wall involved and giving you more problems than you solved, if you know what I’m saying. Let alone to alter it reversibly. But some have done it! Enter Rinspeed, Swiss Porsche tuner turned concept car maker whose staying afloat I genuinely cannot explain, and more specifically its early-00s concept the Presto, a concept car that, once you realize you cannot for the life of you find four people willing to get near that horrendous front let alone in the thing, has the ability to cut your losses and accordionize itself.

“Yahchoo!”

Nice, Ron. And sure, the windshield is borderline nominal, the doors were sacrificed to the gimmick altar so one assumes you must get in Hazzard-style without even having a roof to paint something racist on, and it’s probably illegal in many fun new ways, but at least it’s gotta be a TON of fun.

You know what I suddenly feel like we should move on to something else. How about this thing?

“The Mk1 Golf?”Almost - as seen by the five bolt wheels, different bumpers and barely visible side vents, while this was an ordinary Mk1 Golf, Italo-Swiss tuning house Sbarro took care of that problem by shoving a Porsche 3.3L behind the front seats (what is this, Renault? [again, please record yourself saying “that link is blue” and play that recording back repeatedly over a spinning spiral GIF]). But the thing is, Franco Sbarro saw the whole ordeal and thought “Ah, but the engine that we put right in front of a massive trunk lid is going to need accessing at some point. I must think of the most rational way to accomplish that”, and then made the car fucking open in two. What is it with Switzerland and cars doing this shit.

So yeah. If you were willing to spend an absolute fortune to make your Volkswagen Golf a positive deathtrap, you could, through an incredible and unimaginably dodgy feat of engineering, shorten your wheelbase by a measure I measured at comfortably under two inches. Now, I cannot think that makes much difference in turning radius, but hey, I’ve seen masculinities built and shattered over less.

Fortunately, the wheelbase is just one of the determining factors of turning radius, and the other, steering angle, is a pretty popular thing to increase through aftermarket components because it’s very important in drifting: as explained in this brilliant-as-always article from Speedhunters, since drifting consists of holding your car at a big angle relative to where you’re going, if you want to maintain that big angle you kind of need the front wheels to be able to be at a big angle relative to where the car is pointing.

Unfortunately, your steering wheel doesn’t stop turning just because it feels you got to turn it long enough already - it stops because the wheels are about to hit something. So in serious drift cars the front wheels have to be pushed outwards to keep them from encountering car as they turn. But of course, there is an alternative to pushing the wheels out - pushing the wheel wells in! That, in fact, is the technique employed by the personal driftcar of world champion Piotr Więcek…

….no, not the 800hp S15, I said the one he drives for fun.

Perfection. Indeed, since the last generation Twingo shares its platform with the Smart Forfour which itself shares bits and bobs with the historically rear-engined Smart Fortwo, the engine is in the rear, meaning the front wheels have nothing in between to stop them from turning outrageously wide, making its turning circle great for city driving, city parking, and apparently tandem drifting with an 800hp S15.

But I cannot talk about ways to facilitate street parking without talking about the first thing I ever received by email, in January 2011, or more than twelve years ago (yeah I know, sorry): a video of this car.

Apparently, it was an idea that had existed since the 50s, too!

I find this to be a really clever idea - you already need to bring the spare tire around anyway, and you already have a shaft spinning in that direction because that’s what connects the engine to the differential! Unfortunately though, nowadays most cars -especially the space-conscious ones- are front wheel drive, which would make implementing what already was a packaging nightmare to begin with take up even more space, probably to the point of being counterproductive. Unless perhaps you put the spare in front of the engine and redesigned the differential to *spends the next six months thinking about this*

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

The Children

Hello hello! I absolutely love all of your stories, they're all such delights to read! Imposter syndrome and all the among us ones after it especially has my heart and have helped me through some rough times. The latest one made me think of what would happen if Cyan also was a little kid around purple's age and how different Black's reaction to them may-or-may not be, considering they're now both a kid and an alien? maybe they were hiding in the vents of the ship?(which, of course, you don’t have to write if you don’t wanna but it could be fun to see! Thank you and I hope you're having a nice day!) – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 2966

In yet another timeline...

Black finds not one but two hidden stowaways in the aftermath of the Skeld massacre.

"No, no, no—please, please!" Orange's fingers scrabble against the wall in a fruitless attempt to stop. "I won't say anything, I won't do anything, please, let me go!"

Black barely falters as they haul the body up and into the airlock. Orange snivels and whines and keeps begging, even as the glass closes.

"No! No! I'll help you! You need clearance—I can give you clearance! Please! I'll do anything!"

Black pauses, hand on the control. "Anything?"

"Yes, yes! Yes, I'll do absolutely anything, anything you want—"

"Then perish."

The vacuum of space sucks Orange out of the airlock, the last of their screams cutting off into static. Black shakes their head as they turn and make for Navigation. They pass by blood splatters on the walls from earlier kills and make a note to find a mop in some corner of Storage once they're underway.

This mission hadn't been particularly gruesome, not compared to some of the others, but it had its moments. Certainly this crew of humans had taken the 'do not go gentle' approach to dying, save for Orange who…in hindsight, definitely spent too long cowering in Comms to be considered 'brave.'

No use lingering over them.

They reach Navigation and reroute to Polus, carefully overriding the automatic updates back to MIRA and plunging the ship into radio silence. They scan radar for surrounding ships. None to be found. Excellent.

Black leans back in the captain's chair, stretching their arms until they hear a small pop. They've spent longer periods in complete human form, but for some reason this body's been giving them trouble for a while. Eh, no humans anymore, they can afford to shift just to stretch. Their maw lets out a groan of relief as sloshing sounds fill Navigation for a moment, letting them stretch out properly before assuming the human form once more.

They stop.

Listen.

Their attention slowly turns to the vent in the corner.

Was that their imagination, or did they just hear another sloshing sound?

Their maw rumbles for a moment, then they go still again. After a pause, they swear they hear something rumble back. But that's impossible. There's only one Impostor assigned to this mission, and no additional life signs detected upon moment of entry. They get up from the chair, kneeling down by the vent and carefully sending a tendril through the grate.

Almost at the limit of their reach, they smell it.

Something's in there.

They stand up, quickly going from Navigation to Shields, doing the same thing to the vent in the corner. Again, just at the limits of their senses, they smell it. Some bizarre amalgamation of human and Impostor scents, but something alive and moving.

Black's not enough of an optimist to hope that whatever's in there hasn't figured out that they've been alerted to its presence. And it probably has no way of knowing that—at the moment—Black doesn't intend to hurt it. It's clever; it's picked a spot equidistant from Navigation and Shields, which means whichever end Black enters the vent, it has the whole rest of the ship to escape to from the other end.

Black sits back on their haunches, thinking. Strategically, it would be better to isolate the problem until reinforcements—or at least one other Impostor—could handle it simultaneously. They're too far from Polus for a signal to reach and if it managed to stay hidden for the entirety of the voyage so far, it would likely remain so until they docked. Black could simply block off these vents and keep it contained.

…but in those little glimpses their senses managed to get, they smelled fear.

Both human and Impostor.

While it wasn't out of the ordinary to bring humans back to Polus, Black wasn't in the habit of unnecessary risks. Better to deal with a human here, now, then risk a containment breach on Polus.

With this in mind, they get up and reach into the electrical closet next to the manifolds, removing two sets of thin metal poles and attaching them in place over the vent cover. Then they move quickly back to Navigation and check their course heading. A quick confirmation that there aren't any asteroids that'll need to be cleared and they open the vent.

Immediately, they're caught with a wave of skittering noises as whatever it is shuffles to the other side of the vent. How have they never noticed this before? They've used every vent on the ship at this point, had they just always been picking the ones this thing wasn't in? Black shakes their head as they carefully enter the vent. Something to ask, perhaps.

The smells grow stronger as they make their way toward the other side, as do the banging noises as whatever it is works frantically at the jammed vent. Halfway through, Black stops, one hand on their knife as they send out a tendril. After a moment, they hear something else.

Fuck.

Fuck.

That's a pup.

There's a fucking pup in this vent.

Black's hand leaves the knife and their maw rumbles. After a long pause, they hear a chirp back. They shift slightly, just enough so their mother tongue will work.

"Pup," they rumble, "pup, can you hear me?"

The banging sound stops. Then: "yes."

Great. "Good, pup. That's good. Are you hurt?"

"No."

Black's maw rumbles. "I can smell your fear, pup, you don't have to lie to me."

Another jolt of fear, stronger, and they quickly rumble soothingly.

"It's just me on the ship now," they add, "no more humans. Just Impostors. It's okay, pup, I won't hurt you."

"You won't?"

"No, pup."

There's another quiet sloshing sound and Black shifts on their haunches.

"Can I come over, pup? You're hurt, I can tell, let me—"

"No!"

Black jerks, almost hitting their head on the inside of the vent.

"Don't come closer," the pup repeats, the smell of their fear growing stronger, "stay away!"

"Easy, pup, calm down. It's okay, I won't come closer, I'll stay right here, okay?" They rumble and trill a few times, their maw panting a little heavier. "Calm down, now."

It takes a long while—a long while for the sloshing sounds to subside, even longer for the fear to dissipate, but after a moment, the pup chirps back and Black's shoulders relax.

"If you don't want me to come to you, could you come to me? I won't move, I'll stay still, and you can decide how close you come, how about that?"

"You promise?"

"I promise, pup."

More sloshing sounds and then a small tendril flicks against theirs. They rumble, sitting down heavily in the vent. Slowly, so slowly, the pup crawls down the vent, following the tendril. Black lets the suit slip and their maw falls open, tongue lolling out slightly to allow the pup to hear it. They can smell them better now and they're young. Barely older than a nestling. How did they end up here?

At last, a small pup pokes its head around the corner of the vent, arms curled tentatively about the bolts. Black waves, their maw panting as the pup peers out a little more.

"Hey, pup," they call, "just me, see? I'm not gonna hurt you."

"You…you're Black," the pup mumbles, "are—are you the one they talk about?"

"The one they talk about?"

"Yeah. The—the shadow killer or something. Is that you?"

Oh, for—that moniker really is overdramatic at best and a gross romanticization of war at worst, but the pup seems to know who they are, so… "Yeah, pup, that's…that's me."

"Did you kill all the crew already?"

"Yes, they're dead. It's just me left. I won't hurt you."

"Are you taking us back to Polus?"

"Yes, we're on our—'us?'"

The pup shuffles. "Y-you know…the ship."

Black frowns. That didn't sound like the truth. But they let it go for now in favor of smelling the hurt still emanating from the pup. "You're hurt, pup, I can tell. Let me see, I can help."

"It's okay."

"That's not what I asked, pup, if you're hurt, we should make it better."

The pup's tendril shuffles against the bulkhead. Black rumbles again encouragingly and the pup trills back. Then they slowly move from behind the corner and oh, fuck—

"Pup," Black rumbles, reaching out for them, "pup—that's a stab wound, how did that happen?"

"Reactor. The vent cover broke."

"Come here, let me see—" they're so tiny, they're so fucking tiny, where the fuck is their nest, who let them be all the way out here alone— "you're very lucky. It doesn't look like it hit anything super important. But we need to get it patched up so it doesn't get infected, okay?"

The pup shuffles in their arms, their maw nibbling on another tendril. They're so tiny, how in the fuck did they end up all the way out here?

"I've got some stuff in the crew quarters we can use, can I bring it here?"

"Yeah."

"Stay here, okay? Don't leave the vent, then I won't be able to find you."

"H-how—" Black stops pulling away when the pup tugs on them— "how did you find me?"

"I heard you. Then I smelled you."

"You smelled me?"

"Yeah, pup, I can smell you."

The pup pulls away, shuffling a little on the floor. "Will you bring the stuff here?"

"I'll be right back. Stay in the vent, okay?"

"I will."

Black quickly climbs out of the vent and makes it to quarters, snagging their emergency tin and tucking it safely into their belt. Their mind won't stop running over and over—how the fuck did a pup manage to stow away in the vents? What the fuck happened? How did I not notice this?

They'll have to ask once they make sure the pup is safe.

They climb back into the vent, sending out a tendril and moving to where they were last time. After a moment, the pup reappears, crawling close enough that Black can start applying the medicine to their wound.

"Easy," they rumble when the pup whines, "I know it stings, just try and hold still. This will help, I promise."

"Why are you being nice," the pup chitters, "did—are—am I in trouble?"

Fuck. This is a baby, how in the fuck is Black supposed to know what to do with a baby?

"No, pup, you're not in trouble. I'm just worried, okay?"

"So you'll help?"

Black frowns. That twinge in their instincts is back. Something else is wrong. "Yeah, pup, I'll help."

Despite the feeling that something's not all what the pup says it is, the reassurance makes them relax a little more, letting Black finish applying the medicine. They toy idly with the pup's tendrils, their maw purring reassuringly as the pup begins to calm down.

…of course, as the pup's fear begins to fade, they smell something else.

Human fear.

The pup trills when their hands slow and they look over the pup's head, a tendril flashing out and down the vent.

The human fear grows stronger the further they go.

Fuck.

"Pup," they ask slowly, "is there a human down there?"

"N-no."

"Don't lie to me, pup." When the pup doesn't say anything, Black bites back a curse and reaches for their knife. How fucking despicable, that a human would hide behind a wounded pup. "Stay here."

"No!"

Black startles when the pup wraps its arms around theirs, spreading out as much of their form as they can to try and block the vent. They've got barely an akk-kitten's strength but they're trembling with the effort of keeping Black still.

"Pup—"

"You said you would help! Don't go down there!"

"Pup, you're hurting yourself—"

"Stay away from them! Leave them alone!" A tiny maw bites their arm and it—well, honestly, it tickles. "I'll—I'll fight you!"

"Calm down, pup, you're frothing."

The pup trembles and the smell of their fear begins to permeate the vents again. Black reaches out and takes them in their hands, tugging them gently off the vent and holding them in their lap. The pup still thrashes and tries to bite them. Black's maw rumbles and they take them gently by the scruff, rubbing small circles.

"Shh, pup, calm down. Shh, shh…easy, there you go."

The pup can't seem to decide whether to melt or keep fighting back, trembling in Black's hold as their maw digs into their arm. Black keeps at it, patiently waiting as the pup starts to whine, tendrils slowly curling in on themselves.

"Don't hurt them, please, they're—they're just a hatchling. They're just a hatchling, don't hurt them!"

"They're a human, pup."

"But they're just a hatchling!"

A juvenile, probably. Black sighs. At least it's not a fully grown human, that makes this a bit easier.

"Are they hurt too?" When the pup makes a noise of confirmation, Black adjusts their grip. "They'll need to get fixed too, pup, they'll have to go to Medbay."

"Don't hurt them!"

"I'm not going to hurt them, pup. I'm trying to help. Like you said, remember? I said I'd help."

"You promise you won't hurt them?"

"I promise."

The pup stills, finally, and shifts a bit toward the other end of the vent. Black glances behind them.

"If I go wait outside, will you bring them to me? I'll help."

"You promise?"

"Yes, pup, I promise."

The pup's jaw tightens on their arm in what would be a very threatening display if they were just a little bit older, but really is just terribly endearing. Then they let go, shuffling toward the other end of the vent. Black sighs, wondering how the fuck this happened for the eightieth time, and climbs out of the vent to crouch next to the opening.

The smells start to get stronger again and—really, it's worrying how much they blend together; Black's only able to separate the pup's fear from the human's after being right next to them for so long. Finally, they see a tendril poke out of the vent and flick one of their own against it.

Only years of experience keeps them from gasping audibly when the pup clambers out of the vent wrapped around a human so small it looks the length of Black's arm.

The human's eyes widen as soon as they see Black, tiny hands—fuck, they're so tiny, they're so fucking small, how is that real—grabbing onto the edge of the vent and trying to stop the pup from exiting. Their little face looks so scared and Black's rumbling before they can stop themselves.

"Hey, baby," they murmur, "it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you."

Small. Small human. Oh, fuck, small human hatchling. What the fuck is my life?

"Shh, it's alright." They hold their hands up. "See? I'm not gonna hurt you. I didn't hurt your friend and I won't hurt you."

The pup trills, squeezing the human carefully and getting more of their arms out of the vent. The human whimpers in fear—or pain?—and Black sits back.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay, baby, look, I'm not moving, see? I'm not mad, you're not in trouble, it's okay. I just want to help."

They watch as the pup starts to chirp at the human, wrapping their arms around them and pushing them gently out of the vent. The human's fear slowly starts to fade as they carefully climb out. The pup trills at Black, holding them out.

"Can I pick you up, baby? I want to see if you're hurt."

The human curls around their side—shit, did they get hurt by the same thing that hurt the pup? Black reaches down slowly, so slowly, holding out their hand.

"Come on, baby, you can do it, it's okay."

If you had told Black they'd be cradling a human hatchling in their arms as a stowaway pup fussed next to them, they'd have killed you.

And yet, the human blinks up at them with wide eyes as their maw rumbles, letting them peer at the stained part of their side.

"You're hurt, baby," Black murmurs, "we need to fix it. We have to go to Medbay, okay?"

The human glances around, as if looking for the rest of the crew.

"They're not here anymore, baby, it's just me."

The pup chirps as if in confirmation and the human reaches out. They tangle their fingers in the pup's arms and hold on tight.

"Can we all go to Medbay?" When the human nods and the pup clambers onto Black's shoulder, they stand up slowly with the human in their arms and start the long, slow walk to the other side of the ship. "Close your eyes, baby, it's going to be too bright for you."

The human shifts and tucks their head against Black's shoulder. The pup burbles and slides over to help shield their eyes. Black has so many questions but bites their tongue.

Once we get to Medbay, they think as they contemplate just how fucking weird their life has become, then we'll figure out what to do.

[kajinovaa]

i need some space to vent bark just for a lil tiny bit and yall can completely ignore the shit outta this if you want. im gonna just do a tinsy bit of journaling like my tarot cards suggested. nothing super drastic happened, nor is it aimed at anyone in particular, and no– iM NOT GOING ANYWHERE BDKBDNDDNDJND

--------------------------------------------

its just late night thoughts. thoughts that kinda got nudged to life over a very small encounter, but its done its job properly by reminding me of something i feel like i need to ingrain into my head. a lesson i havent yet processed properly hard enough for it to feel like its fully a part of me

i got reminded of the absolute bs ive gone through in my life, shit thats so unbelieveably unacceptable but i stayed with it cuz it was mostly a part of autistic masking but also cuz i had a big heart that i wore constantly on my sleeve. greatest lesson ive learnt.

ive bowed and bent over backwards for all the people ive met in my life, and now im coming to the deep realization that i dont have to give a single fuck? like i dont need to care so much about other people's emotions/feelings when i never gave mine proper nuturing??? its so fucking frustrating that its gotten like this and i wish i couldve told my younger and more naïve self that its 100000% okay to be selfish for once??????? i wanna fucking swing at something so bad over this but yknow what? im just gonna have fun instead

so fuck expectations, fuck standards, fuck tryna sound nice— im tired. im infuriated and exhausted. ive been tryna act fair when in actuality that was the biggest mistake of my life. like, the stars gave me strength on my day of birth. the legends sing of destined power like im supposed to express with and yet here ive always been, getting drowned out by other people's priorities and cleaning up after their messes. this debilitating path of being submissive for others isnt the shit for me. it never was in the first place, so im done. im done being nice for the sake of being nice.

dont like that aint giving you attention? not my issue. dont like that im elsewhere and you cant keep up? learn how to walk then cuz i aint holding your hand. dont like that im not sharing my happiness with you? it was never meant for you to have in the first place.

i started my saturn return this year, bday happened several days ago, im only just feeling the brunt of the energies right now. i wanna fuck around, have my chaotic runs and be cringe but free dating my fictional bfs

please stop thinking im the same person i was years ago cuz im not. im the monster you feared you didnt have come across and learn how fast you can get piledrived the moment i deem you useless in my life. sorry but not sorry, its for your own good. somethings in life you were never meant to walk alongside with. i still wanna thank you for being another cobblestone in my path.

goodbye, past life. it was a good run while i still had the tolerance for that hot mess of growth. its my turn to be selfish for once

[corkcitylibraries]

Cork in Verse | Ana Spehar Interviews Sloane Quirke

Sloane Quirke is an artist from Cork. They’re currently studying drama in Kinsale and have written pieces for the online publication Good Day Cork. They find poetry to be a really good emotional release for them, and it inspires their drawing and acting as well. They love trying lots of different art forms and try their best to have fun with it all.

Besides writing you are an artist and studying drama. How do you manage to fit writing with other demands on your time?

To be honest I do find it difficult to set time aside for writing. I can make time when there’s a deadline on it, I think because there’s someone relying on me getting it done. To fit writing stuff that’s just for myself or my personal projects in though, I find that keeping a notebook on me really helps. I’ll often have random ideas or nice sounding lines pop into my head, and I jot them down in there. Then if I’m ever waiting somewhere with nothing to do, such as on a bus or in a cafe, I’ll take out my notebook and develop those ideas a bit more. 

Where do you seek inspiration from? Who are your poetic influences and why?

Most of my inspiration comes from my life, sometimes I’ll have a great experience with something, and I just have to write it out to keep the memory. Sometimes I write to vent, sometimes as an observation on ways that I think or on the world. The vast majority of my writing is about my experiences of being non-binary and navigating the world and all my relationships with people as an autistic person. I am guilty of not reading a whole lot of poetry, but I know this woman, Róisín Taylor, and she wrote a book with her poems. It’s called Mind Full of Memories, and it’s about her travels around the world. I was really inspired by the way she told her story and conveyed her feelings through a series of poems.

Does the creative process of writing affect your mood, and if it does how?

The creative process definitely affects my mood. I very often write to vent so that I’m not keeping emotions and thoughts in me. Writing out what’s going on, whether it’s just a stream of words or a coherent piece of writing, is so useful to help make sense of the messiness that can be in my head. I’ve also found recently that it’s a good way for me to challenge my own thoughts and thought patterns. When I was writing my piece, I’m Choosing To…, I had pages and pages of my thoughts on the topic of binary thinking, and eventually realised so much of it was just me being annoyed. After making that realisation, I started to look at it from a different angle and thought about the beauty and freedom of breaking out of that thinking, while still acknowledging the negatives of being stuck in those binary thought patterns. I would really recommend writing as an emotional release, and it doesn’t have to be good, because nobody else needs to read it ever.

Could you tell us more about your creative process of writing?

I have different processes depending on each project. Sometimes a poem just comes to me in its complete form, in a burst of inspiration and I end up writing it out frantically. Then I go back to it a day or two later and make minimal edits just so it’ll flow better. If I’m writing about a theme, or even about an aspect of my life, I’ll take some time, get some tea or coffee, and write out whatever comes to mind regarding that topic. Once I have some thoughts out, I can look through them and see if there’s anything that could be a good line in a poem. I compile these lines or blocks of writing, write some stuff to link it together, then edit it all to make it sound better when read out loud. I find reading my poetry out loud really helpful, whether it’s just to myself, my dog or a friend. A lot of my thoughts or lines get scrapped from poems, but I try to never fully throw away or delete things, because going back over old work can spark inspiration for new work.

What book would you recommend to our readers?

I have to recommend Inside Out & Back Again by Thanhha Lai. It’s a semi-autobiographical book written in verse about a 10 year old Vietnamese refugee in Alabama in 1975. It follows her escape from Vietnam and her first year in America. The way it’s written conveys the mind of a 10 year old so well, I can’t properly explain it. Some of the poems read almost like diary entries, while others feel like in the moment thoughts and emotions. It’s a really good read, and definitely impacted how I look at storytelling.

“Sun”

If I am the moon, then she is the sun

Without her I could not shine

She brings warmth to the day when there is none

I am forever blessed to call her mine

Her smile lights up any space

And her laugh will always brighten your day

When I see her, she puts a smile on my face

When she is gone, my charm slips away

Every moment is Heaven with her around

And it will stay that way until we are six feet under the ground

“I’m choosing to”

I’m choosing to challenge binary thinking

I’m choosing to take the boxes

That I’ve been forced into

Crammed into dark spaces

Too small and cramped for me

I’m choosing to tear the boxes to pieces

To claw my way out

Until all that remains

Is shredded cardboard

That will be used as kindling

For the fire that is burning in me

Fire

A word that usually brings to mind

Images

Of chaos and destruction

And I choose to challenge that

I choose to not be a raging wildfire

Just growing and burning

Not caring what I destroy

Maybe I’ll be a crackling fire

In a hearth

Growing at the rate of which others give me fuel

Or perhaps a candle

Steady and reliable

Called upon in emergencies

I’m choosing to leave my options open

To maybe jump between forms

Even revisit wildfire if I see fit

And that suits me more

Than that cold, dark box

That I once dwelled in

[mikeyelistsukasa]

Hi!!! :>

Can I request Hanako and Yashiro with an powerful supernatural s/o that seemed super nice and friendly at first but then they start to realize they have a god complex? Over time, they only show themselves to be arrogant, fervently self-confident and with an excessive apathy for the people around them (something that people with this complex possess). Only once in a while S/o puts them down and how lucky they are to date them. S/o also don’t really hesitate to hurt other people and treats them as peasants and/or toys. Just remembering that S/o doesn’t love Hanako and Yashiro, they love the idea of them. Thank u!

And i’m so sorry if this request is too weird and wrong, you can refuse if u want!

I admit writing a mean s/o is harder for me then i thought but i tried to make the personality as fitting as possible for you! (11th request)

—————————————

Hanako and Yashiro with a powerful supernatural Darling who has god complex

Oh jesus this some chaos and not a relationship

How was he able to get fooled by you

You were so kind and lovey-dovey to him

He misses the kind smile you always showed him and when you all had fun in the bathroom all cleaning

And now he can’t even recognise you

It all started with the toilet cleaning

“s/o there you are! Why aren’t you cleaning with the others? Come hop hop!”

“Nah i don’t feel like it”

“I do not recall asking you it was an order~”

“Well I don’t recall being the slave in this relationship”

He was taken back at your words. He now kind of feels guilty for saying that

“Im sorry you’re right but yashiro could really use some help?”

“Fine” you said in a annoyed voice as you walked into the bathroom

“Oh S/O-san/kun! Im glad you came to help me ag-“

*splash*

You put the bucked that was full of water on her head

„There i helped her by cleaning her and now im leaving“

…this boy was too stunned to move he just stared at you in shock as you walked away

The next day he asked you why you did it

„isn’t it obvious? You told me your poor cinderella needed help so i cleaned her up so that her prince will come to the rescue and out of annoyance i left because it hurts to know im the bad guy and my bf goes to rescue the poor cinderella yahiro here yashiro there…im sick of hearing her it males me want to punch you in the face so that you remember with who you are“

2x feels guilty

„Im sorry its okay to be jealous but you don’t have to go overbo-„

„Jealous?????? Me!?!?!? Are you kidding hanako? Im a powerful supernatural who could end her life anytime i want and you’re telling me I’d be jealous of some girl with the most thick ugly legs like her?!?!“

You continued to act that way towards his other friends and you always managed to guilt trip him.

He tried to tell you that you can’t act that way but then you always replied with some mean comment

He probably asks his friends to help for a break up because he can’t stay in such a relationship where his partner hurts others and treats him wrongly.

She thought you’re a gift from heaven from her

You’re so handsome/pretty

Strong/powerful

And most importantly sooosooo kind and romantic towards her

God if only she knew before your actual true colours

„Stop hanging around with that stupid hanaroable n.7“

„Im so sorry honey its just remember i made a deal with him and-„

„I don’t care! And don’t call me honey that’s disgusting you’re not on my level to call me that“

Yashiro started to often go to hanako to vent about you to having a fight again

So hanako offered to help you break up because it’s obvious you will only bring nothing but toxicity in this relationship

So here she is standing in front of you saying she wants to break up

„You seriously want to break up? With ME? Are you crazy or something?? I knew you were spending too much time with your little friend ghost there.i should’ve gotten rid of him.After i treated you so nicely gave you a chance to be with me you are now saying you want to break up and thats how you repay me.pf im shocked you clearly forgot that if you leave me then you will be all miserable again every guy will reject you and your fat daikon ankels snd your big stupid forehead“

This was so hearbreaking to hear. She broke down crying

„Stop it with dour whining before I’ll give you a reason to cry“

Hearing that she immediately stopped crying fearing for her life she stood up and ran away from you glad that she Finnaly gor rid if you

Hanako and kou eventually had to always be closer and keep an eye on yashiro in case you might show up

Well i tried🥲😅 thank you for your request!!!hope i left you satisfied as always and that you will keep visiting my page ^^

[step-on-me-khun]

It's Mikey's birthday, so I thought why not write something for it. Again, this is a future Mikey, it might not be canon but I really don't care. Oh and gn reader.

I'm trying to do more fics for Tokyo Revengers, I do requests but even if I don't get many that doesn't mean that I won't keep trying to write. The next character I'm writing for is Kazutora.

Warnings: Smut, alcohol. No minors please.

Word Count: 2,967

You knew what was going to happen, not like it was a problem to you at all. It was Mikey's day, and everyone would make a big deal out of it. Of course, they would. Everyone loved Mikey.

Everyone was planning on heading over to Mikey's place, bringing food and stuff for him. Mikey had lost a lot of important people. Everyone made sure his birthdays were always a big deal.

You didn't mind it. Well, at least, you tried to look like it didn't bother you. It was just that you wanted to show Mikey how much he meant to you, so you were planning on getting him all to yourself so you could treat him.

Mikey's friends were your friends. When he needed someone to talk to, and you weren't there, he would always go to them. It was mainly you and Takemichi who drilled that into his head.

------

These guys, and you, were adults, so there was alcohol. You made sure to drink as small of it as possible. You wanted your mind to remain calm and clear.

It was nice. Everyone talked about the past, laughed about all the memories they remembered.

The mood of the room was great. Everyone was enjoying themselves. It was nice seeing Mikey with a genuine smile on his face.

Of course, the more liquor that was drunk, the more personality everyone had. Takemichi would cry at everything, the crying making him sleep under the kotatsu. Mitsuya appeared normal, and Draken was a little quieter. But Mikey hadn't had the same amount that everyone else had. It looked like he wanted to remember this day and have a clear head, just like you.

You and Mikey had been together for a while. Neither of you had moved in together yet. But whenever he needed you, you would always be there to listen to him. Or come over and cuddle together for as long as he liked.

The way his attitude changed whenever you or his friends appeared, you wanted to give him a reason to keep smiling and laughing. You were close to suggesting that the two of you move in with each other.

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Kazutora's voice. "I something wrong, (Y/N)?" He asks.

"Hmm? No, I'm fine, just lost in thought, I guess," you reply, smiling at him.

Kazutora says nothing and goes back to the conversation everyone else was having.

You could feel Mikey beside you, his arm snaking around yours, pulling you closer. His chin rests on your shoulder.

"I'm so lucky to have you, (Y/N)," Mikey says quietly.

"Are you drunk?" You ask bluntly.

"Shut up. I haven't had that much,"

"Of course you haven't," you say sarcastically. You knew that Mikey hadn't had that much, but you wanted to be playful, so, of course, you teased him about being around it all.

"Why do you have to treat me this way?" Mikey asks playfully, pouting and looking you in the eye.

"You know I don't mean it," you reply, smiling at him.

Mikey hadn't had much of a childhood, well, at least, not in his teenage years. It surprised you when he bought up his past life, Toman and everything that had happened. Mikey always seemed a little depressed, but it made sense when you found out about everything. You got close to him, became an ear for him whenever he needed to vent and rant. Then Mikey needed you in another way, causing him to admit his feeling mid-conversation. Things went from there, and you've been together seven months now.

The two of you didn't go slow. When you needed each other, you were both there. You would stay at each other's places quite often, too. Mikey's comfort blanket was something you never took away from him, so you let him be and became comfortable with it. Day by day, you became closer, and trust between the two of you grew. To everyone else, it was like he was a teenager again.

The night went on, the two of you never really leaving each other's side. Mikey was never this clingy with you, but tonight he was. Everyone's presence was the gift he loved the most.

Your elbow rested on the table, chin resting in the palm of your hand. Mikey was happy, smiling and laughing. It was something you always loved seeing.

"Aww, the way you're looking at Mikey, it's obvious that you love him," Hina says, worming her way closer to you.

You shrugged like Hina had seen right through you. It wasn't something that had embarrassed you as much as it used to. Everyone could see how much you adored Mikey. The way you would look at each other was apparent to anyone.

"I've seen you look at Takemichi the same way, though, Hina," you teased slightly.

Hina giggles a little at your response. They had been together for so long. You admired them for it.

Takemichi wasn't used to drinking this much. Hina was there to switch his drinks to water now and again. Mitsuya would do the same with everyone else, especially if they're acting a little rowdier.

------

It was way past midnight, and everyone had had fun. You watched as everyone left, saying goodnight as everyone did so.

The mess at the kotatsu could wait until later. The time spent around everyone had completed drained you and your energy.

You were tired. Standing up, you stretch your arms above your head, yawning as you did.

Your eyes were closed as you yawned, so you hadn't noticed Mikey getting closer to you, eventually his arms wrapped around your waist and lifting you a little off the floor.

"What's this for?" You ask, wrapping your arms around his neck and your feet touched the floor again.

"For putting up with someone like me," Mikey replies.

"Stop right there, you," your hands cup his face, "it's your birthday, no sappy shit,"

Mikey pouts at you. It looked like he didn't like your response.

You pull Mikey's face closer to yours, peppering his lips with kisses. It was such a sweet and caring series of kisses. You wanted him to be happy. There was no way in hell you'd let him be sad, not on today of all days.

Your hands slowly left Mikey's face and, instead, rested on his shoulder or collarbone.

The more kisses you kept planting on his lips, the more heated the room got.

You were going to show him just how much you loved and adored Mikey. It didn't matter how tired you were. You stuck with your plan.

The problem was that when Mikey wanted something, he made sure to get it.

Naturally, a fight ensued between your tongues. The way they glided over each other was enough to make you want to fall to the floor and just let him take you there and then. But you didn't want to give into him. If it were a fight Mikey wanted, then he'd get it.

"M-Mikey," you moan quietly against his mouth.

Mikey's hands gently cup the sides of your neck, holding you still as he pecks your lips a few times before biting down on your lower lip.

You felt like you were on fire. The hands you placed on Mikey's chest moved to his hands, pulling him over to the couch before kissing him quickly, letting go of his hands and roughly shoving him onto it.

Mikey's dark eyes were darker, and his face flushed red by all the kissing you were doing. He knew what you wanted to do, and he had no intention of stopping you right now.

"You didn't wait all day just to do this, did you?" Mikey asks playfully, his hand sifting through his hair as you lower yourself down in between his legs.

"Maybe," you reply, laying the side of your head on his thigh, your hands working on the button and zip of his jeans. You tugged roughly on the top of his jeans and boxers, and his erection soon was freed from its trap.

The cool air hit Mikey's erection, causing him to hiss and groan at the sudden feeling.

"You gonna make me feel good, pretty girl?"

"Is that what you want from me, Mikey?"

His hands reach your face, tilting you up and planting a soft kiss on your lips.

"I'll let you do whatever you want, just for now, at least,"

Mikey's hands move from your face, and he leans his back against the sofa, patiently waiting for you to make a move.

Then you lay your tongue flat against the head of his dick, sliding it up to its tip, the tip of your tongue played with his slit.

Mikey's grip was mainly on his hair, not yours. The last thing he wanted to do was to ram himself into your mouth.

There was something about you domming him that made Mikey shiver with excitement. Even you putting him in his place was enough to get him erect, but that would also make him want to destroy you right there and then.

The eyes that gazed down at you as you reached his base, slowly licking up his length, were dark, darker than usual. There could be dangerous thoughts lingering behind them. You sat there, a sudden shiver running down your spine from the devilish thoughts running through you.

You used your mouth so well on him, sucking on his head once your tongue reached his head again.

All that Mikey could do was sit there, the feeling of your wet, hot mouth sending him insane. It was almost torturous. Why hadn't you taken him all into your mouth yet? It was making him impatient.

The way Mikey bit his lower lip and let out a low groan, you could tell that he was getting impatient, but you didn't care all that much. You were going to take your time. The next time you do something, if Mikey decided to go all out and be as rough as he wanted to, then that was down to you and your actions right now.

Your lips left a string of kisses from his base up to his tip, smiling once your mouth left Mikey's length.

"You're not getting impatient, are you?" You coyly ask, leaning your chin on Mikey's thigh. Your hand roughly tugged on his dick, squeezing it lightly as you pumped your hands up and down on him.

The eyes that were watching your mouth before now watching your hand.

"Please, just stop fucking teasing me already," Mikey begs, his hand gripping onto the couch tightly, knuckles pale. "I need you, so damn much,"

"Since you asked nicely, I suppose I could give you what you want," you say in a teasing tone.

You wasted no time now. Teasing Mikey went out the window.

Once your mouth slowly came down on him, Mikey held his breath, eyes closed tightly. It didn't matter how many times you had sucked him off. Mikey could never get tired of it.

You wanted to take your time, make him feel as good as he made you felt when he took control.

As much as you wanted to edge him, it wasn't right to do that, not today.

Mikey tried as hard as possible not to buck his hips up. You were making him feel so much, but he desperately needed more from you.

You started bobbing your head faster, the tip of his dick hitting the start of your throat.

"Oh, fuck," Mikey groaned quietly, leaning his head back against the couch, his eyes still closed.

You released him for a few seconds to get some air into your lungs, then get back to doing what you were doing.

Once you got used to the pace and speed, you tried your best breathing through your nose. When you knew you could handle it a little, you would halt your movements on him when his head touched the start of your throat. The need to gag hit you when you stilled for too long, your head moving back up, bobbing on him again.

The noises escaping from Mikey's mouth, even if they were low and breathy, were enough motivation for you to keep going.

"(Y/N)," Mikey groans, his eyes open, staring down at you.

He was close. The way he groaned your name was enough of a hint. You kept your pace, not feeling any need to speed up.

Whenever you glanced up at Mikey's face, all you saw was dark lust filling his eyes. It must've been difficult for him to control himself. His hands still gripped the couch tightly. If he felt like it, he could readily grasp your hair and be as rough with you as he wanted. But once you started, the control you had would be difficult to stop. Plus, you looked angelic to him.

A string of curses leaves Mikey's mouth, a few groans of your name, and he came into your mouth. Without any hesitation, you swallowed, not wanting to waste anything.

You were breathless, your face just as flushed and as pink as Mikey's.

Standing up, Mikey's hand rushed to your waist. The heat in the room spurred your actions as your lips once again found his, picking up where you last left off.

Air hardly hit your lungs, and you were right back into him. The hands that were at your waist rushed to removed both your clothes. It was slow at first, but then the passion hit both of you quickly. Your clothes were off in no time at all.

You were close to being pushed down onto the couch, but you quickly stopped him.

"Let me show you how much I love you before you take control, okay?" You ask, trying not to be forceful but loving.

A soft smile lit up Mikey's face. He understood you, let you do your own thing. Those words were signalling that you hadn't finished. Giving yourself to him was kind of like a birthday present.

One knee at a time moved onto the couch. A hand reaches Mikey's shoulders again as you hover your entrance over the tip of his dick. Slowly you sunk onto him, his length fully engulfed by you.

You let out a breathy moan, moving both your hands to the back of Mikey's head, sifting through his hair as you slowly moved up and down on him.

Both of your eyes stared directly into each other, never wanting to lose their focus. Mikey was far too precious to let go of, and you were too damn incredible for him to want to let go of you, his hands worming their way up to your back, resting lightly on your shoulder blades.

Slowly, your speed increased, your hips desperately trying to slam down onto him. Your movements sent both of you into heaven, making you hotter and needier by the second.

Your moans made it more difficult for Mikey to control himself. Right now, you were the most dangerous thing to him, but you were the one thing he needed the most.

"You're so good to me," Mikey groans, his hands sliding down your back, groping your ass.

"I love you so fucking much," you say before pushing your mouth onto his.

"I know you do, beautiful," Mikey groans between kisses, "I love you too. You feel so fucking good,"

You pull away, leaving Mikey breathless. The hands that were on your ass moved to your thighs, grabbing onto your skin tightly. He was so damn desperate to snap his hips up, wanting to look at your face as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

The feeling of his head hitting your g-spot sent you insane, causing you to try to be a little rougher. Your hands were desperate to cling to his hair.

That constant movement against that spot was enough for your orgasm to creep up, your walls contracting around Mikey as you struggled to move.

"Fuck, (Y/N), I'm close," Mikey groans.

Your eyes were focused on each other again, wanting to watch yourselves as you eventually succumbed to the feeling of your release. Your breathy moans hit Mikey's face as you rushed to your end, hips snapping down onto him.

The feeling of your walls around him made Mikey hiss, his hands trying not to leave scratches on your back.

"Shit," you cry as you came, trying hard not to stop your movements, but it was almost too much. You tried no to be lazy and continued attempting to let Mikey come.

You close your eyes as your hips moved down on him. Mikey bit his lower lip as he came, holding your hips still as he did.

The two of you were tired, not just from what you had just done, but from the little party that had happened.

Both your eye wandered to the scene behind yourselves. It wasn't going to be fun cleaning all this up later.

"Was this supposed to be a gift to me?" Mikey asks playfully, his voice tired.

"Why, wasn't what I got you good enough?" You respond, faking being hurt by him.

He laughs a little at your response. "Do you want to clean this up now or later?"

"I mean, I won't say no if you're insistent,"

"But I don't want to do that now,"

"Then don't. We can do it later,"

"That's if I don't feel like repaying you,"

"Repaying me?" You were playing being clueless, but you knew what Mikey meant. There was hope inside you that he might, at least, have mercy on you and not make it difficult for you to walk for the next few days.

please don't steal what I write

I normally do taglists, but I've only done this fic and one other, so no one's on the taglist... yet

[miraculouscontent]

*rubs hands together*

The first thing to talk about with this episode is the pacing, and I think this might contribute to why people think it’s the best/least bad of Season 4 (personally, I’d rather watch “Furious Fu” but that’s just me; also, this isn’t the only contributing factor as to why I think people might feel this way, but I’ll get there later).

The episode has a very serious pacing issue, particularly with its more intense scenes. There’s only one minute of time dedicated to Ladybug landing on her bed, de-transforming, and her snapping at her friends plus them leaving. More time was spent on Chat Noir and Ladybug in the movie theater and Ladybug storming out.

I particularly remember watching the episode and getting eighteen minutes in, at which point I had the realization of, “It feels like nothing’s happened?”

This episode is supposed to be a big gut punch, but the season has been going by at the speed of sound, like they’re trying desperately to play all their cards at once (Lukanette break-up, Adrimi break-up, then Alya is told Marinette’s secret identity). Instead of letting things build and play out for a while in the interest of suspense, the show just throws whatever will get a big reaction out of the fandom (whether positive or negative) and it doesn’t care how shoddily put together everything is. The first two episodes feel like hastily put together drafts, and while this one is technically more put together, it still feels like a draft.

Let’s just start with Chat Noir, who feels completely out of place in the episode. Not only does he imply that he intentionally calls Ladybug “Bugaboo” (which she has told him to stop doing) in order to get a reaction out of her, but when Ladybug insists that she doesn’t want to talk, he tricks her into thinking that he has a good location to do so (and my heart breaks a little at how readily she trusts him) only to then take her to a romantic movie, then shush her when she calls him out for it because she “said she didn’t want to talk.”

Gee, and people wonder why she didn’t tell him her secret (even outside of “Chat Blanc” existing)?

And... look, I know it’s a joke, but I do not find it funny. The “joke” is basically that Chat Noir is taking advantage of the situation to flirt with Ladybug, and though I find it at least mildly cathartic that Ladybug is unaffected by all the people staring at them while Chat Noir is embarrassed, this episode is coming right after the one where Kagami broke up with Adrien, and here Chat Noir is getting his flirt game on. I already talked about all my problems with “Lies” so I won’t do it again, but I’ll just say that it’s not a mystery why Ladybug doesn’t want to talk to him and would rather avoid her problems.

(Not to mention that Ladybug knows that Chat Noir likes her, so talking about her romantic problems with him is awkward to say the least and would come off as insensitive.)

Honestly, at this point I feel like they must be building to something with Chat, like Ladybug finally going off of him with no mercy and that forces him to give up/fall out of love for her because reverse love square, but if that’s what they intend to go for, then that means Marinette is going to fall for this guy who’s repeatedly disrespected her feelings for multiple seasons, almost abandoned her and let Paris drown because she wouldn’t tell him a secret that wasn’t hers to tell, and just generally all the other things he did????

Ugh, I don’t wanna think about it. Let’s just move on.

Talking about Ladybug and her rant next, it basically summarizes the whole show in a nutshell, but simultaneously casts a shadow of sorts over “Truth” for people who maybe missed the episode entirely (which is also sort of the show in a nutshell). I mean, Ladybug confirming to the audience that she was genuinely in love and happy with Luka (you can’t watch how depressed she was over the break-up and not think that) was great, but Ladybug’s dialog implies that Luka “hated secrets” and that’s why they broke up, when Luka was more just... hurt that she couldn’t be honest with him, and he didn’t actively hate secrets. Marinette broke up with him because she felt like she had to; because she had to keep ditching and lie to him.

In addition, what she says also hints to the audience that they’ve both held and kissed each other, which not only indicates cowardice on the part of the staff (”yeah this happened but--um--off-screen; we’d still like credit tho plz”), but may perhaps go back to the theory I had about how Adrimi and Lukanette were supposed to last longer in Season 4 but their arcs got cut (based on the Adrimi kiss having supposed to have gone off). This could mean that Ladybug’s statement was originally accurate to canon but the scenes got cut and the scriptwriters just awkwardly left it in, which is made more awkward by the cinema scene in “Truth” that felt like Luka and Marinette were kissing for the first time (again, alluding to the whole, “this entire season has been a draft” thing).

Also, if you think about what that actually means - that Luka and Marinette did have successful dates and kisses but they were off-screen - then all it adds up to is that showing Marinette happy and comfortable was something that the series didn’t deem as “interesting/fun enough” to show, because Marinette being happy isn’t something they want to see; only watching her be miserable, which is exactly what Ladybug says, along with how everything was “almost too simple, too easy,” because Marinette isn’t allowed to have nice things without being jammed through the wringer first.

And... sure, let’s say that Chat Noir thought the movie was genuinely a good idea; let’s assume that it could be a joke, him wanting to flirt, and him believing that it’d make her feel better somehow.

If that’s the case, then where’s the apology when it fails miserably? Ladybug goes from her semi-anxious state at the start of the episode (a little scatterbrained but ultimately just looking for a distraction), to outright enraged by the movie, and then to this upon leaving the cinema.

She just got her heart broken from being forced to break up with a boy she genuinely wanted to be with and there’s not a single, “Okay, maybe coming here was a bad idea, I’m sorry,” (which could’ve been seen as another joke with the audience like “lol no duh Chat Noir” so there’s no excuse not to have it) or, “My bad, that was insensitive of me. I really thought this would’ve helped but I wasn’t thinking about what you would’ve wanted.”

No. The only people Chat apologizes to are the other people at the theater because he’s embarrassed by Ladybug’s reactions, yet he himself feels no remorse for taking her there and has the gall to go on now about how he’s “there for her if she wants to talk.”

Again, it’s no wonder Ladybug doesn’t want to open up to him.

And I’m sorry, I just don’t buy that Marinette suddenly has all this free time. It’s one thing for her to have a little more time now that she’s broken up with her boyfriend (likely avoiding spending time with him altogether now), but “Truth” went out of its way to talk about all of the emergencies she had to deal with and how she doesn’t have any spare time. which is causing her to become forgetful and lose track of certain events (patrols with Chat, dates with Luka, etcetera), yet Marinette spends most of “Gang of Secrets” simply sulking on her bed. It’s so jarring to go from “Truth” where she was doing “too much” (which I called them out on for not describing what the “too much” she was doing was) and now “Gang of Secrets” where she’s not doing anything.

It’s almost like they invented that plot point to break Lukanette up and it served no purpose outside of it.

Furthermore, the scenes of her finally talking to Tikki and then deciding to live as Ladybug does nothing outside of making the plot more predictable, the latter because of the “Alya almost sees Ladybug” moment (an obvious indicator that Marinette is losing control and is struggling to maintain her secret identity due to her emotionally breaking down) and the former because of Tikki herself and what she doesn’t say.

Because, really, think about what actually goes on in the scene. Marinette (eyes rimmed red and filled with unshed tears, as she is for a good chunk of the episode) is venting to Tikki about - yes - her love life, but also that she has to lie to everyone in order to keep her identity a secret. The fact that Tikki focuses solely on the note of Marinette’s love life and not say a word about the identity/lying issue or even consider telling Marinette, “hey, this is clearly too much for you, you should tell someone, I think the benefits outweigh the risks right now,” really proves that the episode tried to avoid the topic altogether to try and make the ending more shocking (which ironically made it more predictable).

So yeah, not only does Tikki’s dialog with Marinette provide nothing except for a line about how she can’t help Marinette with love issues due to kwami not falling in love (alright, I guess aros can’t give good love advice then or have any input whatsoever), but Marinette’s line about lying to everyone being why she can’t pursue Adrien nor Luka is repeated in the very last scene of the episode. The only reason that scene and the scene after exist is because the writers needed Marinette to be emotionally devastated enough to leave for her balcony as Ladybug for the almost-reveal to Alya and so Rose would get close enough to the dollhouse to have an almost-reveal with the Miracle Box, making the scene feel further contrived because the emotional punch of Marinette wanting to live as Ladybug lasts for barely any time at all.

And it could’ve served a purpose, like if Ladybug had genuinely left and Alya finds her goggles and towel, recognizing them from a news story about how Ladybug had gone to the swimming pool after losing her temper at the cinema, which could’ve led to Shadow Moth making the girls believe that Ladybug was no longer heroic and had kidnapped Marinette, or... heck, Ladybug coming back inside would’ve been so much less jarring if she came back because she heard the girls’ voices talking about the dollhouse and had to hurry (but of course, then they’d have to point out the ridiculousness of Ladybug not hearing Alya calling her and the girls not hearing Ladybug literally shouting for Shadow Moth to come fight her, even though the kwami heard the girls calling for Marinette from the balcony).

But instead, the entire scene feels off and unnatural, forcing every part of it in order to get to where Marinette has to snap at the girls to make them leave.

(Oh, by the way, just a little detail to add to the annoyance: they bothered putting Tom and Sabine in the episode when the girls are leaving, clearly saddened by something that happened, and neither parent even bothers to go and check on Marinette to see if she’s upset or just to see what might’ve happened. They’re such a “blink-and-you’ll-miss it” moment in the episode and it’s not like I’m surprised because they’ve done this multiple times by now but really?)

As for the girls themselves... oof, where do I even begin?

Alright, first off is the annoyance that they assume Marinette’s problems relate only to lovesickness. Marinette has been an anxiety-prone mess throughout the entire series, and suddenly now the girls care about Marinette’s love problems on an emotional level rather than “we’ll meddle sometimes unless we don’t feel like it and be wholly inconsistent on how much we push for it.”? It’s not that I don’t see how they came to the conclusion (hearing that Luka and Marinette broke up and now seeing Marinette is depressed, it checks out), but considering they bothered noting that Marinette hadn’t told them anything, one would think they’d come to the conclusion of, “okay, we haven’t talked to her, we have no idea of what’s going on, maybe we don’t know her as well as we thought then and shouldn’t make guesses.”

Secondly is the “eternal friendship bracelet,” which comes off as a copy of the “Secrets” game from “Syren” extremely manipulative. Mylene goes on to explain that one is supposed to give a secret to the pearl “mentally,” yet when the girls actually show up to see Marinette, they expect to be told the secret directly. I’ve already talked at length about peer pressure and the mental stress Marinette goes through when they mock her and/or meddle for her, but this idea of, “well we all used this friendship bracelet after we mutually agreed to it so now it’s your turn because we said so!” just comes off really bad. I know the episode is going for this idea that their hearts are in the right place, but they’re really not. It feels like they’re the ones in denial and are trying to compensate by forcing Marinette to prove that they’re friends, unable to handle the idea that they might not be as close to her as they thought.

Thirdly, the show acts as if the girl squad are her only friends when we know that’s not true because we’ve seen episodes like “Befana” (the guys in the class), “Reverser” (Marc), “Ikari Gozen” (Kagami), and “Silencer” (Ivan) that all established Marinette having more friends than just them, but for the sake of “drama” and the depressing line of, “at least I don’t have any more friends to lie to,” the episode just pretends like Marinette’s friends are limited to Luka (who she had to break up with) and the girl squad (who she forced to leave and refuse the friendship of).

Fourthly is the actual set-up and the sheer grossness of it all. The girls call Marinette and leave a message about how they much they love her and how she can talk to them “where and when” she wants, and then - immediately afterwards - decide that they’re going to go straight to Marinette’s house completely unannounced, go into her room completely unannounced (not even knocking, by the way), and when Marinette begs them to leave, Alya basically tells her that she’s overreacting. When Marinette demands that they leave, Alya refuses and makes demands right back that they won’t leave until she tells them what’s wrong.

So much for “where and when” she wanted, right? It’s already one thing for the girls to invade Marinette’s privacy and demand/guilt-trip answers out of her, but it’s another thing to give the illusion of respecting her feelings and personal space only to actively plan to go back on it. I can’t tell if it’s a bad draft that they didn’t catch in quality check (you know, the quality check that they definitely don’t have) or just an intentional way to make them seem more sympathetic so Marinette looks worse for driving them out, but either way, it’s awful and I hate it. I would’ve rather had them be all in on invading Marinette’s privacy and learn a lesson in the end than outright contradict themselves.

There are also little nitpicks I could make (like Juleka’s constant mumbling despite Luka’s crush on Marinette playing a role in the episode, Horrificator getting sidelined due to being mute, and the girls’ akumatization ultimately being for spectacle and nothing else, serving no purpose to the plot and being furthered by the fact that Timebreaker goes after Marinette despite it being a bad idea and Reflekta’s power clearly not lining up with any sort of plan), but the real issue issue here comes down to the fact that these are Marinette’s so-called “friends” and the episode refuses to address their actual issues.

Alix, who is known for making rude comments at Marinette (”Gigantitan,” “Chat Blanc,” “Miraculous New York”) and then gives mixed messages by going along with meddling anyway.

Mylene, who is the closest thing to a background character in the girl squad but nevertheless finds her way into being definite voice against Marinette in “Chameleon.”

Juleka, who blamed Marinette for things she didn’t do in “Reflekdoll” and got huffy with her until Marinette apologized for said things.

Rose, who outright screamed at Marinette in “Chat Blanc” over a freaking stuffed animal, which pressured Marinette enough that she snuck into Adrien’s room to deliver her gift which nearly led to the end of the world.

And, of course, Alya; freaking Alya. I don’t even have to go into every single thing she’s ever done because I have a history of giving her absolutely no mercy.

...But let’s go through some anyway because I want to.

“Copycat” - Alya gives Marinette a script and tells her to memorize it, then immediately pushes the “call” button when Marinette hesitates after Marinette had just told Alya that she’s awful at improv.

“Darkblade” - Alya takes a jab at Marinette when Marinette says that she’s too busy to be class representative, implying that Alya thinks that Marinette does absolutely nothing with her time.

“Gamer” - Alya is busy recording the gaming competition when she and Marinette were supposed to be researching for a term paper. Alya then scolds Marinette for wanting to use the competition to get close to Adrien only to do a 180 and put up a fight about it when Marinette decides to quit.

“Animan” and how “The Puppeteer 2″ follows up on it - oh, I’m not going to touch that particular point right now, but keep those in the back of your mind, because I am going to absolutely go off later

“Simon Says” - Similarly to Marinette’s parents, Alya gives zero damns about whatever might be going on in Marinette’s life that's causing her to miss classes.

"Despair Bear” - Alya laughs at Marinette being forced to kiss Chloe’s cheek and then outright compares Marinette to Chloe after knocking Chloe multiple times during the episode (sure, just compare your “best friend” to her multi-year bully, how "hilarious” of you).

“Gigantitan” - Alya has no qualms about mocking Marinette’s over her failures, even if it embarrasses her and she’s been through enough already.

“Frozer” - Alya tries to find ways for Marinette to prevent herself from third-wheeling for Adrien, but when Marinette tries to show character growth by wanting to go, Alya gets into a shouting match with the other girls over how Marinette has “liked Adrien forever and isn’t going to give up now”.

“Catalyst” - Alya claims that Marinette is only salty over Lila out of jealousy when “Frozer” exists and literally is the prime evidence of Adrien liking another girl and Marinette telling Alya outright and very genuinely that she’s not jealous.

“Chameleon” - Alya doesn’t care about her best friend sitting in the back by herself while Alya herself get to sit next to her boyfriend and everyone else in general gets to sit where they want (Alya even acting confused at the mere suggestion that she’d tried to engineer things to let Marinette sit next to Adrien), then not only believes Lila over Marinette but contradicts herself twice (asking Marinette for proof when she has none herself, then claiming that she wouldn’t let her best friend sit by herself).

“Christmaster” - Alya leaves Marinette to babysit so she and Nino can go out on a date.

“Desperada” - Alya suddenly is for Lukanette for literally one episode and doesn’t know how/doesn’t even try to cover for Marinette’s Adrien blindness despite mocking her for multiple seasons over it.

“Reflekdoll” - Alya invites Adrien to something that’s crucial for Marinette to focus on after Marinette has already told her not to and continues meddling to the point where it gets Juleka akumatized (she also doesn’t get punished for it and the blame gets thrown onto Marinette).

“The Puppeteer 2″ - Alya pushes her luck with Nathalie to try and get Marinette to come with her, Nino, Adrien, and Manon to the museum, then traps Marinette in a room with Adrien to force her to spent alone time with him, even abandoning and forgetting about the child that she offered to watch for Marinette so she and her boyfriend can go off alone.

“Miraculous New York” - Alya is told directly by Marinette that she needs help seeing Adrien as a friend, which leads Alya to do the exact opposite throughout the entire special, at one point shouting at Marinette and pressuring her to chase after a car, in the rain, while there’s a supervillain rampaging through Paris, and all of this right after the scheme that Alya had set up caused both Marinette and Adrien to go missing.

And just saying, as Marinette’s supposed “best friend,” Alya sure doesn’t know how to handle her. It was acceptable back in “The Bubbler” when she asked Marinette about signing the gift too late and the same goes for “Dark Cupid,” but by the time we get to late Season 2/3 and Alya refuses to learn Marinette’s weak spots (unless it’s to mock her) and adjust accordingly (like if she’d already made sure the gift was signed in “Chat Blanc,” which would’ve prevented Adrien seeing Ladybug at all due to the time difference), it starts getting infuriating.

A best friend is supposed to cover for their friend’s weaknesses. Alya doesn’t do that; she meddles and often drives Marinette’s anxiety even further up a wall with absolutely no consideration for Marinette’s feelings (”Dark Cupid,” “The Puppeteer 2,” “Reflekdoll,” “Miraculous New York”).

And here, she and the other girls are rewarded for it. Luka actively resisted his akumatization whereas the girls gave in immediately, yet Marinette still opens up to them in the end, likely because they had pressured her and made her feel bad for the secrets she was keeping while Luka was willing to actually wait for her to be ready to talk to him. I can’t put into words how frustrating it is watching these girls trample all over Marinette’s feelings, not have their worst actions called out, and then jump cut post-deakumatization to Marinette telling them exactly what they wanted to know about her love life.

You know what this entire episode is really missing, outside of a coherent plot, properly-paced development, and a basic understanding of rewarding a character for things they’ve held firmly to?

It’s missing the apology. Chat Noir apologizes to a bunch of moviegoers and Rose apologizes for the broken dollhouse, but no one apologizes to Marinette for how they treated her, especially not the “friends” who got rewarded in the end.

“Sorry, we shouldn’t have told you that we’d respect your feelings and then showed up unannounced to make you talk about them.”

“We’re sorry we came into your room and invaded your privacy. You were right to be mad at us.”

“Oh my gosh, Marinette, we got akumatized and we’re so sorry for literally all five of us going after you and probably scaring the living daylights out of you.”

And as if that wasn’t enough, guess what else this is missing? It’s kind of important and brought up directly in the episode, yet the episode simultaneously goes out of its way not to bring it up again.

It’s the reason why Marinette didn’t tell the girls about her relationship with Luka. It’s not there - it’s missing - and the girls never try to pursue the subject. They talk about how Marinette didn’t tell them but don’t think for a second that maybe it’s them who have failed as friends. Instead, they don’t guess anything about why Marinette wouldn’t tell them (which is already strange considering how much they already assume about her) and jump straight to, “well clearly we just need to push for her to talk to us.”

Gonna just go out on a limb here and say that maybe - just maybe - Marinette didn’t tell them because they are habitually pushy in everything they do.

Because they would’ve teased her relentlessly about, “ohhhh you’ve got eyes for Luka? what about Aaaaaadrien~? aren’t you sooo tooorn between both of these cute guys?”

Because they would’ve meddled to force her and Luka together and gotten on her case when/if she ever had to bail on him.

Because their intrusion on her feelings for Adrien had caused her nothing but problems and she just wanted to be with Luka in peace without them forcing their way into things.

Because--hey, wild thought--maybe they’re not really friends???

But the episode completely avoids it, because that would’ve meant addressing it; it would’ve meant acknowledging that they messed up, which - fun fact - they actually don’t do in the episode.

They invaded Marinette’s privacy, insisted that she tell them how she feels (not about them of course because that would imply that they felt like they screwed up), and in the end it’s Marinette who gives them exactly what they asked of her, and the closest thing we get to acknowledging anything is Alix telling her/joking with her that they’ll help her confess to whoever she likes as soon as she tells them she’s ready.

That’s not an apology. That’s not an acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Even when the five of them are about to get akumatized, it’s not a circle of them saying, “here’s how I screwed up, I could’ve done better but I didn’t and I lost Marinette because of it.”

No. It’s just them talking about how sad the situation is. Mylene has the closest thing to remorse in saying, “I hoped it would work,” but where does it go? A grand total of nowhere, especially because Marinette still takes the bracelet in the end instead of the girls mutually deciding, “okay, maybe the bracelet was a bad idea; how about we all agree on making something together instead, no requirements attached?”

And then the episode has the gall to act as if Alya has gone through character growth when all they did was put Alya through the same thing that Chloe did. I’ll explain that last bit momentarily, but first let’s talk about the whole “growth” thing.

Because there’s no apology or acknowledgement of wrongdoing, all Alya does when she’s finally alone with Marinette is do a 180 from where she was at the start of the episode, going from, “friends have to tell each other everything,” to, “hey, if you don’t want to tell me, then that’s your right.”

The crucial part that’s supposed to go in the middle is missing. Instead of acknowledging her failures, Alya just cuts straight to “””being a better friend,”““ but storytelling doesn’t work that way.

It literally would have taken zero effort to fit an acknowledgement into that scene. “You don’t have to tell me everything, I get that now. All my meddling’s done is hurt you and I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t trust me.”

In a world where Marinette has to apologize for everything, has to learn lessons and suffer because the narrative says so, I will not accept anything less from other characters who are trying to develop and improve. That’s not fair to Marinette, nor has it ever been.

Instead of properly developing Alya, the show does whatever it can to get its audience to root for her as Marinette’s “best friend” (ugh) without having to put in the effort of admitting that Alya hasn’t been Marinette’s “best” friend.

Remember when I brought up Chloe? Yeah, “Malediktator” did a similar thing, showing Chloe doing something awful, then being sad (while not actually acknowledging the thing she did wrong), and in the end she was rewarded with a miraculous prematurely.

One show of character from Chloe and Marinette gave her a miraculous. One show of character from Alya and Marinette told her that she was Ladybug.

(Also, for the record, I think Chloe is far worse than Alya character-wise and I’m not comparing their characters; this is just the simplest comparison I can draw here from a narrative standpoint.)

“Miraculer” is another apt comparison, perhaps even more so. Chloe got Hawk Moth in her head after an akuma landed in her photo of her and Ladybug, but Chloe resisted and fought back, ultimately forcing the akuma out of her and freeing herself from Hawk Moth’s control.

But it wasn’t to develop her character; no, it was to convince the audience of Chloe and Sabrina’s friendship so they’d feel something during Sabrina’s happy flashbacks, then lay the foundation of tricking viewers into believing that Chloe might not go to Hawk Moth’s side.

At the end of the day, it was doing something that’s “never been done before” in order for the character to earn brownie points for something that the writers can just have them do because willpower is an easy thing to just write in. “Gang of Secrets” does the exact same thing when Lady Wifi breaks free from Shadow Moth, with Ladybug even hammering it home by talking about how no one’s ever done it before.

And the pacing is - again - awful. Not only is Ladybug banking on this working when she herself says that it’s never been done, but the conversation between her and Lady Wifi where Ladybug tries to convince her doesn’t even take a minute.

It also has nothing to do with Marinette herself; Ladybug relies on Alya’s adoration/friendship with her as Ladybug (you know, after Alya took a photo of LadyNoir kissing and posted it online without Ladybug’s consent, betrayed her by putting information on the LadyBlog that Hawk Moth was able to take advantage of, and is the only hero outside of Chloe to resist returning a miraculous) in order to break from Hawk Moth’s control, because talking about Marinette with Lady Wifi didn’t even work.

(Ladybug also uses her yoyo as a portal to the Miracle Box when this has never been pre-established to be a thing despite Ladybug acting as if she knew it was; further proof that this episode was rushed.)

And of course talking about Marinette didn’t work, because that would’ve meant convincing Alya that her reason for getting akumatized was “wrong” and the episode didn’t want to do that. It didn’t want someone else actually learning something and feeling bad; surely, this is just Alya being manipulated by Shadow Moth and having the power to break free because Ladybug “needs Rena Rouge” and not because Lady Wifi and her friends are chasing after their supposed best friend and that’s--you know--wrong???

Rena Rouge’s reappearance is also yet another thing the episode refuses to address because it avoids the topic of “but my identity--”. At least “Heart Hunter” had the tact to have Kagami question why Ladybug was giving her the dragon again, but “Gang of Secrets” treads as lightly as possible on any discussion of identities outside of Marinette saying that she can’t, as if it were Marinette who made the choice of concealing her identity and not the basic idea of heroing that has been stressed over and over for the whole show.

Even Plagg of all kwami stated back in “Origins” that no one is supposed to know about secret identities, a rule that continues becoming flaky and muddled with each passing season, almost like they kept attempting to retcon and make the audience dulled to the idea so that the reveal in “Gang of Secrets” would be more acceptable.

But now, with the way they did it and how they don’t even have Tikki comment on the matter, it once again has it look like they’re making it - say it with me, everyone - Marinette’s fault.

Alya says that Marinette has a choice in telling her secret, Marinette insists that she doesn’t and goes on and on about how it’ll change everything, and then just... tells Alya her secret in the end.

And remember all the way back in Season 2? “Sapotis”?

Alya: What were you saying about her secret identity?

Marinette: Ladybug needs it to protect her family and friends. Otherwise the villains could use them to get to her.

Alya: Well, if I knew who Ladybug really was, I'd keep it a secret. I would even help her! Like say, if you were Ladybug, I'd cover for you — when you needed to transform in school, go fight the "baddies", you know?

Marinette: Oh yeah? Well, if I was Ladybug I wouldn't even tell you, to protect you from the "baddies", you know?

Alya: You serious? If I was Ladybug, I'd totally tell you! Because I tell my best friend everything.

And now here we are in “Gang of Secrets,” as if the narrative is saying, “See, Marinette? Alya was right all along, you were just being ridiculous and making yourself suffer for no reason!”

Yet Marinette had a right to keep her secrets. When Alya and Nino learned each other’s identities, Alya took a hit for Nino in “Catalyst” and both of them fell to Scarlet Moth’s akumas. Chloe was a mess and a half because of Hawk Moth knowing her identity. Fu had told Marinette that her miraculous would get taken if she and Chat Noir learned each other’s identities.

The only ones who received no consequences due to someone knowing their identity were Pegase (who Chat Noir and Markov knew), Ryuko (who Chat Noir, Ikari Gozen, and Hawk Moth knew), and Viperion (who Adrien knew). “Chat Blanc” also exists where Marinette got the impression that people discovering her identity would be a disaster, and even all the way back in “Lady Wifi” insisted that not telling anyone her identity was “listening to her head and not her heart,” and the narrative has relentlessly humiliated her for going with her heart, so yeah, probably for the best.

I hate that the episode avoids talking about anything identity-related outside of what comes out of Marinette’s mouth to make it appear like it was her choice all along. I hate that they had Tikki fixate on Marinette’s love problems instead of having her actually support Marinette and admit that Marinette should tell someone before she has a mental breakdown. I hate that the episode inserts Rena Rouge into the plot as if to brush all identity issues away so as to make Marinette’s identity reveal seem less jarring.

Now, of course I’m glad Marinette told someone. Of course I want her to get love and support from someone. Of course I think the benefits outweigh the risks, or I wouldn’t have written multiple fix-its where her identity gets revealed in some way or someone already knows.

But I didn’t want it to be Alya, because I knew how they’d do it. I knew they’d do it wrong and I knew that they wouldn’t have the courage to address Alya’s issues properly.

Those familiar with my blog will know that I’d been taking negative predictions for future seasons for a while and adding them to cards whenever they were proven right. Does anyone remember the Season 4 predictions that were proven correct for “Gang of Secrets,” specifically these ones?

- “Alya will suddenly be portrayed as a good/worthy friend to Marinette in/if there's an episode where Marinette tells her that she's Ladybug”

- “Alya resisting Shadow Moth/fighting back against him will be used to excuse telling Alya Marinette's secret identity“

- “Alya will know that Marinette is Ladybug first because "BFFs" despite being one of the worst candidates for it“

- “The secret that broke Lukanette up will be resolved in episode 3 when Marinette tells Alya“

Each and every one of those were mine, because I knew that whether Season 4 had a proper chronological order or not, the writers would not have the guts to develop Alya first and then have Marinette tell her in a future episode after Alya has properly earned it.

I knew that they wouldn’t take time to develop Alya. I knew that they would have Alya resist Shadow Moth to make Alya look “worthy” of the secret. I knew that Alya would swoop in during the last minute and a half of an episode, insisting that Marinette “didn’t have to tell her anything” when Alya had been pushy and insistent for the entire rest of the episode and the whole series in general, and would ultimately be rewarded with the big secret simply because she’s “the best friend” and that’s it.

The Alya at the end of the episode isn’t the Alya I’ve known for the entire rest of the series before this, or at the very least they turned her into an Alya I don’t recognize.

Alya claims during the ending scene that she knows that Marinette is hiding something beyond her love problems because she - as a reporter and “her best friend” - can sense such things, and all I’m left wondering is

w h e r e ?

Where and when has Alya been suspicious or worried about Marinette keeping a secret from her? What, back in “The Pharoah” where she didn’t immediately disregard Marinette for the role of Ladybug, or “Simon Says” where she vaguely teased Marinette about having a double life, both Season 1 episodes?

Where was Alya in “Truth” saying that she didn’t know Marinette’s secret but knew that she was keeping one? Where was Alya anywhere in Season 3 being concerned that Marinette hasn’t told her something? Where was this “supposedly very observant” Alya when Marinette needed her to out Lila because Lila got her expelled--oh wait, Alya “observed” that Lila did nothing and Marinette was just jealous.

What, is it only now that Alya suddenly “knows” that Marinette is hiding something else? Now, after Alya has already not known that Marinette was literally dating someone, even when Alya had multiples pictures of Marinette and said someone giving each other heart eyes and saw Marinette leaving school with said someone riding on the same bike together, you know, like normal, typical, average friends would?

Where’s the line where Alya acknowledges the problem? Where’s Alya sitting down with Marinette and admitting, “hey, I’m sorry I haven’t noticed this stuff, but I promise I’ll do better starting right now, and that’s how I know now that you’re hiding something else, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that it’s been hurting you”?

I can’t tell you where it is, but I can say that it’s certainly not in this episode. 60% of the episode features the Alya we knew from the rest of the series and then switches her out the second she’s de-akumatized for another Alya who hasn’t done anything that the old one has because she pretends like it didn’t happen.

You know how I know? Because of this absolute gut punch of a line that showed that the series wanted to handwave everything away.

“I know how to keep a secret.”

...Really? Does she now? Well, I hope everyone remembered my point about “Animan” and “The Puppeteer 2,” because I’m bringing it right back.

Considering that “Truth” has been burned into all of our memories, we all definitely remember when Truth shoots Alya and questions her on Marinette’s secret, to which Alya states that Marinette’s secret is, “She’s in love with Adrien Agreste.” Now, at the time of Season 4′s airing, this is very much not a secret, as most characters already knew about Marinette’s crush, to the point where it’d been broadcast on television during Season 2.

But do you know when it was actually a secret? Back in Season 1, specifically in the episode “Animan” where Alya told Nino.

And not only did she tell Nino, but she lied to Marinette by claiming that she didn’t, acting as if Nino knew that Marinette had a crush but didn’t know who she was crushing on, which is then directly proven false as Nino accidentally implies that he does know who it is. This is also after Alya had gotten on Marinette’s case for trying to set her up with Nino, and then she had the gall to say that she wouldn’t spill Marinette’s secret because she, and I quote, “doesn't go around making decisions for other people,“ a statement that is directly contradicted by this little thing known as everything Alya has ever said and done in the entire series.

And while Marinette meddling in Alya’s love life actually ended up working out for Alya, Alya meddling in Marinette’s by telling Nino who Marinette is crushing on comes back to bite Marinette - not Alya (because of course) - in the infamous episode of “The Puppeteer 2,” where Marinette realizes that Alya really did tell Nino that she was crushing on Adrien.

Marinette: You told me you wouldn't tell Nino!

Alya: I haven't told him. Right, Nino? I didn't tell you anything. (elbows him)

Nino: She didn't tell me. And besides, I told her I wouldn't tell.

Then, when she’s called out on it, Alya lies again, and shamelessly so.

Marinette: Why did you tell Nino everything? You promised you wouldn't!

Alya: I didn't, I swear! Besides, even if I had told him everything, he would still be clueless. Ugh, who cares anyway? I've set everything up with Nino, who doesn't know a thing, so you can finally pour your heart out to Adrien, girl!

And now, here we are one season later - and not even half of a season if you go by production code order - and Alya claims that she knows how to keep a secret.

No. No, she does not. In fact, she does even worse because she won’t even admit when she’s spilled said secret. I absolutely refuse to accept that Alya is “worthy” or “deserving” of learning that Marinette is Ladybug when she couldn’t even keep a basic secret like who her friend was crushing on.

And no, it didn’t matter that Nino was her boyfriend, or that maybe she thought it would work out because Nino was friends with Adrien. By that logic, Alya would tell Adrien that Marinette is Ladybug if she heard that Ladybug is who Adrien was crushing on and we all know how that would’ve gone.

Marinette has a right to tell her secret to whoever she wants and I’m glad that a burden has been lifted from her, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy that it’s Alya. That doesn’t mean I have to be happy that, after so many moments of Alya disrespecting Marinette’s feelings, she is the one who gets to hear the big secret that the fandom has been waiting for someone to find out about since the very start of the series.

Luka said it best in “Truth” that the truth is meant to be shared, not taken by force, but Marinette was forced to tell Alya by the narrative because Alya is her supposed “best friend.” It pushed Marinette to her breaking point, forced her to break up with the guy who has respected her agency and feelings since the day they met, and gave her a version of her “best friend” with the same name and face but with none of the responsibility from previous events so that said version was there at the right time and the right place to hear what had to be heard.

And in the end, I end up feeling nothing. Marinette doesn’t even have a “Marinette” reaction to saying it as one would expect; for her to blurt it out and then immediately start panicking until Alya hugs her to calm her down. Instead, Marinette just says it and stares silently at Alya - after blabbing this huge, very big deal of a secret - until Alya goes in for a hug (the “happy/hopeful” ending of which is why I feel like this episode also gets less flak, as the previous two ended off rather depressing/upsetting).

It’s off. Everything is off. The pacing, the delivery, and the logic that the episode uses. The emotion in Marinette’s voice when she’s rambling about how hard it is to keep her secret is so powerful, but then the ending hits and she just says it, breaking the momentum they had going. They pulled the card of Alya walking away too soon when they could’ve saved it, having Marinette go quiet and letting Alya take a few steps away in order to let the moment build before Marinette finally blurts out the secret she’s been painfully holding in.

But they didn’t, and I’m so many levels of dissatisfied. I wasn’t against the idea of Alya learning Marinette’s secret at some point (though honestly, Alix would’ve been a better pick considering that Bunnyx will know eventually anyway, and I say that not even liking Alix!), but not now; not when Alya had so much to work towards.

And now what? What happens now? Now Alya will turn against Lila, not because she learned to have faith and believe in Marinette, but because Marinette is Ladybug, which disproves Lila’s ultimate lie that got Alya’s attention in the first place? Now Alya will be supportive and less teasing/mocking whenever Marinette will be late, not because she understands that Marinette isn’t perfect and has so many other things on her mind, but because she’s Ladybug and has “hero stuff” to take care of? Now Alya will be careful about what she puts on the LadyBlog, not because she respected Ladybug and what Ladybug would want, but because Ladybug is now her best friend and that changes everything?

Because now, Alya has a free pass to all of that, the show making her spontaneously “developed” now so they won’t have to develop her later, and disappointing doesn’t even begin to describe it.

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 24

Hello everyone! Here we are with chapter 24

It’s winter in Orynth and the guys have a busy day. Rowan and Lorcan enjoy their ride with the team and we also have some Elorcan gossip.

Rowan and Lorcan also talk and we discover something about Lyria...

Have fun!

The following morning Aelin woke up abruptly and missed the warm body at her side and curled under the duvet in a human burrito.

“Ro?” She called with just her head peeking from under her cover.

A moment later he sat down in bed offering her a cup of coffee.

“Cold.”

He leaned over to kiss her “it snowed last night. There’s over a metre of snow outside.”

“Lovely,” she protested “heaters fires, accidents, roof collapses due to snow, slips, more road accidents, pile ups.”

“Doom and gloom this early in the morning?”

She groaned and grabbed the coffee, sitting up with still the duvet all around her “I love snow and winter, but on my day off.” She took a sip of her coffee “house fires increase wildly. All those mantlepieces not properly attended. Electrical fires because too many appliances are connected to an outlet. And let’s not forget carbon monoxide related deaths. Such a magical time.”

“We’ll build a snowman when you are off shift.”

Then he offered her a plate full of scrambled eggs and bacon.

“You definitely know how to woo a woman.” She grabbed the plate and tucked in happily.

“You and Lorcan need to stay on the truck. No matter what’s going on outside.”

Rowan nodded “we will.” And he kissed her head. He was really looking forward to ride with the team.

An hour later they were walking across the yard in front of the station when Lorcan and Elide arrived as well. Together. Hand in hand.

Aelin tugged Rowan gently and he nodded.

“Arriving together?” Joked Aelin “naughty, naughty girl.”

Elide smiled “yes, I slept at Lorcan’s. Guilty.”

“Hey, I am just happy for you two.” 

The four walked into the station and while Elide and Aelin went to get changed, the two men went to the common room where some members of the team were already there.

“The posh boys are here.” Shouted Aedion as soon as they stepped in.

Rowan bowed “indeed we are.” Then he noticed two new women and went to introduce himself “Hi, I am Rowan.”

“This is Borte, our new truck candidate,” Aedion went to the woman’s side and made the introductions “he is the captain’s flying boy,” then he pointed at Lorcan “grumpy pants over here is Lorcan. He grunts a lot but does not bite. And he’s Elide’s.”

Rowan burst out laughing.

“This young lady here is Evangeline.” And he moved to the side of the blonde-haired woman “she is our paramedic in training. She is riding with Lys and Elide.”

Rowan greeted her back and she gave him a timid smile.

Aelin arrived a moment later and went to give a kiss on the cheek of her cousin “did you remove all the snow from the entrance all alone?”

“No, he had two minions.” Said Brullo sprawled on the sofa watching tv “the man is a tyrant.”

“My arms are useless.” Complained Ress.

Aelin patted both on the shoulders “well, better get ready for a busy day. From the pile of reports I have on my desk from second shift it looks like we are in for a treat.”

“Are truck and engine all stocked up and ready?”

Aedion nodded “I did a check and we are good.”

“Lys and Elide are doing a final check on the ambulance for supplies.”

In that instant dispatch alarm went off calling all units of east station on site for a structure fire.

“Here we go guys.” They all scrambled, wore their gear and reached the trucks.

“You two, in there and stay put, ok?”

The two men nodded.

The trucks left the station and Rowan felt a thrill run through his spine.

“What’s a structure fire?”

“Bad news,” joked Brullo at Rowan’s side.

“Or usually, what we call Monday.” Added Aelin never averting the eyes from the road.

Rowan stared at Nox driving and was impressed at the skill. He navigated busy intersections with confidence.

Aelin honked the horn a few times “move, you idiots.” The traffic peeled to the side and the engine resumed its run swiftly.

Once they arrived at the site Rowan gasped. The fire had enveloped the entire house.

“That is a structure fire,” said Aelin and the team got off truck and engine and Aelin started to give orders.

“Manon, Luca, venting the back.”

“Wes you are taking second floor with me. Aedion, Kyllian, Nox, you go to the first floor. Borte you go with them and stick to Aedion. Asterin, Ansel, you do ground floor. Brullo, Ren you are at the water lines. We need to be quick.”

Both Rowan and Lorcan were watching the scene speechless.

“I know she does this on a daily basis, but seeing her jumping into a building on fire is different than just imagining it.”

Dorian arrived on the scene a moment later and got an update from Brullo and Ren who were ready with the water lines.

“Chief, captain, you have two minutes to finish primary search and rescue then you all evacuate.” He looked up at the fire and flinched “Manon, how’s that venting going?”

“Venting now, sir.”

Temporary relief washed over him when he saw Nox run out with a woman in tow.

Lorcan’s eyes set on Elide, jumping in the woman’s rescue with Lysandra.

Rowan stared as more firefighters came out with people but never Aelin. He noticed Dorian staring at the fire nervously “Evacuate now.” He ordered over the radio. The chief must have noticed a change in the fire to call for abandoning the rescue. Rowan followed in fascination trying to remember some of the thing about fire he had read in Aelin’s books.

Aelin was walking low, almost crawling looking for people hiding below the smoke “fire department call out.”

“I am all clear, we need to go.” Said Wesley at her back.

Aelin had a last look around and was about to leave the room when she heard a voice “Wes, get out. I got this.”

“Cap, we need to go. The chief ordered us to evacuate.”

“Wes, get out.” She shouted and left, running to the locked door where she heard the voice coming from.

She gave her back to the door and kicked it open. Then she turned and saw a crib and inside there was a toddler. 

“Aelin, get the hell out now.” Dorian’s voice came over the radio. She picked up the boy and squeezed him in her fire jacket and held him close for protection.

“Come on… come on…” Rowan heard Dorian’s order and his heart was racing painfully. Why wasn’t she listening?

Then he saw it the flareup in her floor and shouted “Aelin, please…”

Aelin looked around the room and realised the flashover had cut off her only exit route. Then ran to the window and with her elbow she smashed the glass all while holding the infant.

“There!” shouted someone from a lower level.

“Ress, move the aerial to her.” 

Aelin leaned over and sat astride on the window ledge.

Aedion ran up the aerial and grabbed the toddler “I got him, get your arse in here.”

She was about to fully climb over when another flashover rocked the house and Aelin got thrown off balance and grabbed the ledge with her hands and hung there.

Aedion saw her and ran back up “give me a hand.” The man grabbed a hand and pulled her over on the aerial.

“You are fucking crazy.” He told her quietly.

She followed him down and she was on the street again.

“I said evacuate.” Shouted Dorian.

“Don’t.” She bit back “I saved that boy’s life.” 

“Sit.” Dorian ordered her. Aelin removed her mask and marched off to sit against the truck, rotating her shoulders to ease the pain.

Lysandra passed her a bottle of water “are you okay?”

Aelin nodded while drinking eagerly and watching while the rest of the team put the fire out.

Rowan opened the door of the engine and went to her “you are insane. And I think I almost lost it in there.”

“I am fine.” She told him quietly extending her hand to him.

He marched back in the engine, joining Lorcan.

“Do you still think women can’t do dangerous jobs?” He bit back. A part of him was a bit mad at Aelin. What she did had been insane. But he could not ignore the deep sense of pride he had in her. He was utterly in love with a super badass woman. He watched as the team slowly wrapped up their jobs. Dorian had called for a secondary search and they were getting out the burnt down house right now. Aelin still sitting on the front bumper of the truck grounded by Dorian.

He looked at her and smiled. She was covered in soot but she still looked stunning to him. Rowan turned his head and saw Lorcan still studying Elide while she went from victim to victim and checked them out with Lysandra.

“I think I am badly in love with Elide.” He said very, very quietly.

“You what?”

“You heard me, Whitethorn. Don’t make me say it twice.”

“Would it be so bad?” Asked Rowan, sitting beside him.

“I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“Well, don’t.” In that instant the door opened and the team climbed back in. He took a seat behind Aelin and with his hand extended he brushed her cheek and she took his hand gently “did you enjoy the show?”

“It was literally terrifying.”

“Main to all units. Car accident on Southside. Multiple vehicles involved.”

“Copy that main, east station is en route. Dispatch an ambulance on site. Our one is on its way to Orynth general.” Replied Aelin over the radio.

“Copy that east. We are sending an ambulance to assist.”

“Punch it, Nox.”

“You two boys are in for a ride. A nice fire and a car pile-up. We just need a chemical spillage and most of the fun is complete.”

“Don’t jink it,” said Asterin from behind.

They drove for a short distance and at the site Rowan looked out of the window and saw a few cars all smashed against each other.

Aelin and the team got off engine and truck and she patted at his window and blew him a kiss and ran away.

Seeing her in action he suddenly realised why she ate so much.

“Luca, you come with me we’ll take the upturned car.” She shouted at the youngster “Aedion, take the red one with Ansel and Borte. Everyone spread and take the other cars. Remember fuel leaks.”

Luca grabbed his tools and started trying to pry open the door. 

Aelin kneeled down and checked the woman “I need a c-collar,” she screamed to the paramedics.

The woman’s head was bloodied, she checked the pulse through the cracked window and found it weak and she was not breathing.

Luca finally did manage to get the door open and together they pulled it away. Aelin sneaked into the front of the car and pulled the collar around the woman’s neck.

Lysandra and Elide were back from the hospital run and joined them ready and waiting for their patient.

“Aelin, you need to pull her out quickly.”

“I know,” snapped Aelin trying to cut the belt. Once the belt was free she realised the woman’s legs were stuck.

“Luca, I need spreaders. Right now.” She told him and the young man ran to the truck to grab the tool. He came back and with some acrobatics Aelin placed the tool in the area where the pedals were and started separating the metal. “As soon as she is free grab her.”

The metal slowly bent and freed the woman’s legs. “Go.” Luca took the woman and passed her in the care of the paramedics.

“Evangeline, grab an intubation kit and intubate the woman.”

The young woman nodded and Aelin stared with worry.

Once she was intubated Elide and Lysandra continued to do all possible to revive the woman. Aelin and Luca towered over them ready to help if needed.

She saw them use a defibrillator.

“Pushing epi.” She heard Elide say and Aelin knew from her emergency medical training that it was bad.

She paced nervously running a hand in her dirty hair. She took stock of the situation and noticed a few people out of the cars and being helped out and looked after by the other ambulances. Good at least the others did manage to save someone.

Aelin heard the long continuous beep of a flat line and realised the woman did not make it. Then she heard Lysandra calling it.

“Sorry, Aelin.”

Luca was at her side in an instant “cap, we did all we could.”

“Well, it was not enough.” She snapped while in her head she started going through all she could have done differently.

“Aelin,” Lysandra stood to face her friend “there was very little you could have done differently.” Knowing exactly where her friend’s mind had wandered off “She was in bad shape already. We did all we could, as Luca said.”

Dorian joined them a moment later “Aelin, come.”

They moved to the side “Get it out of the system quickly. Yes, you lost one person and it hurts, but I kept an eye on you and you haven’t done anything that I wouldn’t have done myself. You tried. But that was the car in worst shape.” He patted her shoulder “think about the boy you saved from the fire. Think about the second chance you gave him.”

Aelin nodded and walked away and joined her team in packing up all the gear once they were done. 

Once she climbed back on the engine she looked at Rowan and his expression was full of worry for her. Gods, she just wanted to melt in his arms for ten minutes and shut down everything. She felt his hand sneak in the space between seat and door and try to grab hers. He didn’t say anything. He just held her hand.

They arrived back at the station not long after.

Aelin got off the engine and started removing her turnout gear.

“Aedion, take Borte and show her the checks to do to the engines after a call. I’ll take the equipment. Before heading to their duties they all ran to the bathrooms to remove the layers of soot and dirt from the two calls.

Once everyone had stored their gear Aelin hid in the room for equipment and began doing her checks and clean it. She needed some time alone.

Ten minutes later a head of silver hair peeked through the open door “hey,” he said quietly.

“Come in,” she said to him and Rowan took a step in and sat on the bench at her side.

“I am in awe.” His knuckles brushed her cheek “I had an idea of what you guys did, but seeing it for real. I was amazed. But also utterly terrified.”

“I could not help that woman, though.” She said sadly, placing a mask on the ground “she died.”

“Fireheart, I heard what Dorian said and I agree. I am sure you did all you could. Her car looked in pretty banged up state from my corner. If she survived it would have been a big damn miracle.”

“I know,” she let out a loose breath “I know.” Her head heavy against a jacket “it’s just not easy. I knew she was in bad conditions but I still wanted to save her.”

“Come here.” He pulled her to him “I have a piece of gossip for you.”

Her head whipped to him and he saw a smile finally appear.

“Lorcan admitted to me he thinks he is badly in love with Elide.”

Aelin’s hand went to her mouth in surprise “this is big.”

Rowan nodded “I don’t think he told her yet. He is just worried he will mess it up.”

“He’d better not. Elide has strong feelings for him as well. He breaks her heart and I will have his head.”

He nodded “I have been keeping an eye on him.”

“Good, now go back to the others and let me finish.”

He leaned forward and kissed her deeply. Aelin dropped what she had in her hands and once free they grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer to her and then on top of her as she leaned back on the bench. He caged her head between his arms and was about to kiss her again when dispatch alarm went off.

“Really?” She stood quickly and kisses him “stay at the station.” He nodded and she ran out. And he walked out slowly and joined Lorcan and both men stared at the vehicles leave the floor.

“Are they alway this busy? They have been back for forty minutes.”

Rowan sighed “Aelin mentioned this morning that with snow, things tend to get busier.” Then he had an idea “ever built a snowman?”

Lorcan rolled his eyes “yes, I was a kid once too, remember?”

“Get your coat back on and come with me.”

Once both men were ready with warm clothes Rowan walked outside to the front of the fire station near the entrance “Here.” Said Rowan pointing at the spot.

“Here what?”

“The snowman. To cheer them up. They had a stressful morning and probably it will not slow down.”

Lorcan tied his hair and started rolling the snow to form a ball for the body. Rowan smiled and joined him, preparing a second one. Once Lorcan had the bottom part ready, Rowan lifted the second one on top and both started fixing the body to give it an even shape. Then Rowan created a smaller ball for the head. Once done he lifted the final piece and took a step back to look at their work “not too bad.”

Lorcan removed his scarf and placed it around the snowman’s neck. Then Rowan ran back inside in Aelin’s office and grabbed the plastic fake firefighter hat he had won the day they did drills, got back and placed it on the snowman. Finally they gave him eyes and a mouth and Lorcan added some wooden sticks at the side so that they looked like arms.

Rowan looked around and then spotted something more he could add. He ran to a corner and picked up an abandoned tool.

“What is that?”

Rowan lifted the tool “I think Aelin called it an Halligan bar. The guys use it to pry open things.” He explained placing it near the sticky hand of the snowman “now he looks perfect.”

Once they were done the two men went back into the station and decided to prepare a meal for them “they must be famished.”

Lorcan nodded “I agree. Let’s prepare a nice meal.”

They were halfway through making lunch when they heard the trucks finally return and both ran outside, and only truck and engine appeared. The ambulance must have gone to the hospital.

Rowan’s eyes landed on a wet Aelin, her body wrapped in a few thick blankets. He ran to her and wrapped his arms around her frame. She was freezing and he felt her shiver and her teeth clattering “What happened?” His hands brushed her back quickly.

“We had two calls. Another fire and then a kid who fell in the water while skating on the frozen lake in a park. Aelin grabbed the kid but fell in when the rope dropped.” Explained Aedion.

As on pure instinct Rowan got into action. He took Aelin and dragged her to her quarters “we need to get you out of those wet clothes.”

She stood in front of him shaking and hugging the blankets against her body. Slowly he helped her remove all the layers until she was stark naked in front of him.

“Any..” teeth clattering “any excuse to get me naked.” Her tone was deep with tiredness.

He chuckled and went to the shower block to grab some towels and once back he begun drying her up.

“I’ll be back in a second.” Rowan disappeared once more and this time went to Aedion “do you have any spare clothes for Aelin?”

The man nodded and he was back a few minutes later with a pile of dry clothes in his hands “how is she doing?”

“Trying to warm her up.” He was about to move away when he turned to the man “what the heck happened?”

“Aelin wanted Borte to practice with the ropes in a real situation so she had Borte drop her in the ice crack to help the boy. The girl lost hold of the rope. It happened so fast that I was not quick enough to grab her,” he explained “She kept diving in in the cold water until she grabbed the boy. Only once he was safe she let us help her out.”

“You should have taken her to the hospital.” Rowan bit back annoyed.

“Don’t you think we tried?” Aedion matched him in tone “she is stubborn. She refused treatment.” 

Rowan growled and grabbed the clothes “thanks for this.” And ran back to her quarters.

Aelin was sitting on her bed, the blankets still wrapped around her.

“I have dry clothes for you.”

“I have spare bra and knickers in my locker. The combination is your birthday.” Her speech was slow and he could feel her exhaustion.

Rowan gave her a smirk and rushed out once again and returning not long after with the garments.

“My underwear doesn’t scare you anymore?”

Rowan chuckled “we live together and I have seen enough of your daring lingerie not to be affected.”

Aelin slowly dressed up again and when she was done Rowan pulled back the blankets and pushed her legs under and finished drying her hair “now you relax, I’ll see if I can get some hot food for you.” A gentle kiss on her head.

Rowan then went to Lorcan and asked him to make something hot for her. She was still shivering hard and he was getting very nervous.

He was back in her quarters when Lysandra popped in with a bag in her hands “do you mind if I check on her?”

He stood “no, please.”

Lysandra took her temperature “still 33 degrees. It was 32 when we took her out.” She grabbed the transparent bag at her side “this is an IV of warm saline, it will help her and should bring her temperature up.”

“Lorcan is making something hot for her.”

Lysandra nodded “have water at her side as well.” And Rowan nodded “it might take a while before her temperature goes up again and she will be exhausted.”

The woman then hanged the IV bag against the edge of her closet and left.

Dispatch alarm went off again and Aelin made a move but Rowan stopped her “you are not going anywhere.”

“I-I am the cap-captain. I have to.” She was still shivering from the cold.

He ran to the apparatus floor “Aedion, Aelin is not coming. She is still cold.”

“I was not expecting her to. I told Dorian she is out for today.”

“Thank you.”

The man nodded.

“Stay safe, all of you.”

Lorcan met him halfway “I am making soup.”

Rowan patted his arm “thank you.”

“Lorcan is making you soup.” He announced as he got back to her “we’ll go home as soon as you are feeling warmer.”

“I am fine.”

“No,” he brushed his hand through her hair “you are still shivery. You eat something hot. Warm up and then we’ll see.”

“I should be with the guys.”

Rowan shook his head “Aedion alerted Dorian and told him you are out for the day.”

Aelin was about to reply but Lorcan joined them carrying a bowl with hot soup.

“How is our fearless leader doing?” He asked while placing the bowl on her night stand with a spoon on the side.

“Still feeling cold.”

“I hope you’ll like the soup. I made it the other night for Elide and she loved it.”

“Thank you, Lorcan.”

He gave her a quick salute and a tight smile and disappeared.

“Are we sure he is the same man?”

Rowan shrugged and grabbed the bowl but Aelin snatched it from his hands “don’t you dare and try to spoon feed me. Stop fussing, captain.”

“Fine.” He stood “I’ll leave you to it.” And left.

He reached Lorcan who was sitting on the sofa watching tv.

“You okay?” He sat beside him.

“Yeah. I put the food away until they are back.” He sighed “I thought we had it bad in our last mission but the guys don’t seem to have too much downtime either.”

“Yeah, today is pretty bad. I saw them on slow days when they have even time to play games. Today has been hell.”

“How’s Aelin doing?”

Rowan’s head snapped in his direction “this is the first time you finally call her with her name. It’s always the captain or your woman.”

Lorcan cleared his voice almost embarrassed “I am starting to like her.”

“Good because I am planning on keeping her around.”

“At least she is not whiny.”

Rowan sighed. He knew Lorcan never liked Lyria. He was the only person who had been the most vocal about his disagreement in him marrying the woman. His other friends were not her fans but had shown him support when he proposed and after. Lorcan had always made his opinion clear. He had told him in his face that he was marrying the wrong woman.

“Well, at least you approve of this one.”

Lorcan snorted “damn man, there is no comparison. Lyria used the marriage to try and change you into her puppet and when it did not work she lost it and became this jealous bitch.” He stood and paced “she came to me and begged me to invent an excuse to fire you.”

“I did not know.”

“I never told you because for some crazy reason you seemed attached to her. Truth is… the woman was toxic.” He stopped in front of Rowan “Essar told me she saw her a few times in a club with another man, while we were away.”

Rowan leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes “that I suspected, just as much as I suspected that the baby was not mine.” He confessed “before we deployed for the mission in which I had to go home for her funeral I found the divorce paper she had ready.”

“And you still grieved.”

“She was my wife.” He almost shouted “yes, she was not perfect but I loved her.”

“Loved her as much as you love Aelin? Because in all the time I have known you I have never seen you with a woman the way you are with Aelin.”

“No, not even close.”

“Would you marry her?”

Rowan only indulged on that thought once. It was far too early. They had just started to actually build their relationship. He was happy where they were right now.

“Not while I am still on active duty. I promised myself that next time I get married I will not be an absent husband again. And I want a family one day. I just need to hold on for a bit. Less than five years and the prison is over.”

“I can make a few calls and get you a full time position at pilot school. I know you have been having issue with the force recently but your skills are vital.”

Rowan shook his head “Thanks but no. Once I retire I will be out forever and I have another path in mind. I want to train to become a paramedic and work in a firehouse.”

“Well, I guess your time as nurse Whitethorn will come handy on your application.”

Rowan flipped him off and patted his leg “let me go and check on Aelin.”

He left Lorcan and joined Aelin and found her wrapped under the blankets with just her face peeking out. Her phone against the head of the bed. He smiled when he saw the bowl completely empty. Good.

“Hey you,” he sat her side and brushed her head “how are you feeling?”

“Not great and I can’t seem to shake the cold from my bones and I feel so tired.”

He lay down at her side and tucked her against his body and looked at the saline bag “the IV is almost finished.”

“You need skin to skin to keep me warm.”

He flipped her nose “we can’t do that here at the fire station so this is it for now.”

“I am going to write a review on the sexy nurse website that sent you and complain that I am not satisfied with the service.”

“Menace.”

“Are the guys still out?”

Rowan nodded “Lorcan prepared lunch for everyone and I hope they will have time to sit down and eat when they come back.”

Rowan nodded “what were you watching?” He asked as he noticed her phone playing a movie.

“I don’t know a random fantasy series Netflix recommended. I wasn’t paying much attention.”

He bent his legs and placed the phone against them and put an arm around her shoulder “well, let’s watch trash tv together.” He made sure she was all tucked in and cozy.

Eventually he heard the squad come back in the station, turned his head and noticed Aelin napping. He stood and joined the team at the front. They all looked exhausted and he hoped Lorcan’s meal would be enough to cheer them up.

“I saw our new frozen candidate.” Joked Brullo while shedding his turnout gear.

“Lorcan and I thought it would cheer you up guys.”

The tall dark-haired man joined them as well “I have loads of food ready. Come and eat before you get called again.”

The team cheered and scrambled into the kitchen. Aedion joined Rowan “how is she doing?”

“Warming up but tired. She is sleeping now.”

“How was the last call?” Asked Lorcan curious.

“Drunken driver. Crashed into a car with a family. The father is a goner and one of the kids is in bad shape.” Explained Manon reining in her rage.

Lorcan cursed savagely “the bastard.”

The conversation died after that, the topic too hard to even add anything else.

“Thank you for lunch, both of you,” said Elide, giving a smile to both Lorcan and Rowan.

“Honestly, it was all Lorcan, I was busy playing nurse.” Added Rowan.

In that moment Dorian popped in.

“Chief!” Shouted Ren “come have food.”

The chief sat down and joined the team “how are you all doing? You guys had a long day.”

No one said much “I went at the hospital and checked on the last family you saved from the drunken driver. The doctors are confident the boy will make a full recovery with time.”

Everyone sighed in relief.

He took a bite “how is Aelin doing?”

“She is in her bunk, sleeping under a pile of blankets. She is very tired and cold.” Rowan explained.

“Is she warming up now?”asked Lysandra “she was showing some very early stages of hypothermia. Her temperature was around 32 degree when we pulled her out.”

“She did not accept to be taken to the hospital.” Pointed out Aedion with a bit of annoyance in his voice.

“I heard that.” Continued Dorian “we should have pushed her. Aelin can be stubborn.”

 A few snorts echoed in the room.

In that instant Aelin walked into the room with her hoodie on and a blanket around her.

“Hey,” Rowan stood and went to her “what are you doing here?”

“I didn’t want to be alone.” And she sat heavily in Rowan’s lap, never letting the blanket go.

“How are you feeling?”

“Hungry,” she croaked.

Everyone laughed and Rowan gave her his seat and placed a plate in front of her. Lysandra sneaked in and took her temperature very quickly “35.5 you are almost back to normal. Do you still feel cold?”

Aelin took a bite “I still don’t feel great.”

“That is normal. Your body went through a lot of shock.” Explained Elide.

“Captain Whitethorn, make sure she takes tomorrow off. This is an order.” Said Dorian staring at the other man. 

“I am getting used to play nurse.”

Lorcan snorted “you can ask Lysandra or Elide to give you a ride in the ambulance, paramedic Whitethorn.” Rowan glared at him. That was something he had confessed only to Aelin and Lorcan.

“What is he talking about?” Asked Brullo curiously.

“I…” Rowan sighed “when I retire from the TAF in less than five years I want to retrain as a paramedic and work in a firehouse.”

“That is awesome,” shouted Asterin, sipping on her tea.

“You know that women will pretend to be sick to be treated by you?” Joked Ansel winking at him.

“Over my dead body.” Added Aelin while eating her food.

“If you need help to get into the program you let me know. I know it’s still a long time away, but, I work closely with the board and some of the trainers.” Added Dorian with a big smile.

Rowan nodded “thank you, sir. I will keep it in mind.”

“Are you sure you will be okay with leaving the airforce?” Asked Nox.

“I already did 12 years and signed up for five more a while ago. I will have no regrets when I retire.” He explained

Aedion was about to add something when dispatch alarm went off.

Dorian stood “come on guys. It’s one of those days.” Then he looked at Rowan “take her home.”

They all disappeared and Aelin sighed and drank more hot tea. Rowan and Lorcan tidied up the table and the kitchen.

*

It was an hour later when Rowan and Aelin got back home. He took her to the bedroom and she curled in bed hugging bird Rowan.

“Go under the blankets,” he said, pulling the duvet over her head “I can make you some tea.”

Aelin nodded “green tea, please?”

 He kissed her head “yes, milady.”

Rowan came back five minutes later with a pot of tea and a cup “here you go.” Then he touched her forehead with his hand “you seem to get warmer.” Another kiss on her head “that is good.”

He climbed in bed and opened his laptop and started Netflix “Fancy watching something silly?”

“Can we watch a stupid movie that we can make fun of?”

Rowan chuckled and browsed a few titles “what do you think?” He pointed at a movie “this one seems quite silly.”

Aelin nodded and he placed the laptop on their legs, bird Rowan tucked between them and then his arm went around Aelin’s and pulled her to him.

“You got a day off tomorrow. We can go to the theatre if you feel like it.”

Aelin’s head snapped toward him and she smiled “I’d love to.” She grabbed her phone and showed him something “have you seen this play?”

Rowan had a look on her phone and nodded and her saddened face broke his heart “hey,” he took her hand “we can go and see it. The first time I went I was on my own and I had no one with whom to enjoy it with.” She gave him a smile “I want to go with you. Also, it was another production. So it won’t be the same play.”

Aelin grabbed bird Rowan “yes, captain.” She said in a funny voice “I want to go to the theatre with you.” She brushed the toy in Rowan’s face “are you my boyfriend, sexy man?”

Rowan took the toy “you are actually cuter than your owner.”

“You are a mean man.” She hit him with a pillow.

“What do you think, birdie? She is also violent.” He hugged the toy “you and I we need to stick together, partner. Such a tyrant.”

“Well, I’ll let you two make out and I’ll go and make out with the last few chocolate brownies left.” She got off the bed and walked away swaying her hips on purpose to taunt Rowan “they are better boyfriend material than the current one.”

Rowan growled and got off the bed and padded quickly to the kitchen lifted her in his arms and placed her on the counter, his arms at either side of her.

Aelin’s stare was mischievous and she leaned over for a kiss but he moved away and Aelin pulled him back to her “come here, Whitethorn. Stop annoying me.”

“I should have really read the terms and conditions of this relationship.” He teased her moving a bit closer, reducing the space between their bodies.

“You might eventually get out of the airforce, but you are not getting out of this.” She whispered against his lips. Then tensed for a brief second realising the enormity of what she had just said. Truth was she did not want let go of him. A part of her, one that she kept still hidden, desired that they would one day become more. And those thoughts terrified her. She had gone from hating the man, to wishing he would never leave her. It was crazy but her heart was telling that what she was feeling was real.

Rowan stared at her, his pine green eyes on her and an expression that she could not read. Terror seeping through her that she had gone too far and ruined the moment.

“Is that a promise?” His voice low, almost hopeful, his gaze never averting hers. 

Aelin’s heart raced madly “if you want it.” She shook her head “I am sorry, it just came out.”

His hand joined hers on her knee and twinned his fingers to hers “did you mean it, though?”

Aelin slowly nodded and he smiled at her. His lips tugged up and the smile reached his eyes in a way that never fully happened before. The result left her breathless. Gods, he was even more stunning than usual. And she knew she had just seen a side of Rowan probably no one ever saw before. He smiled with others but she knew they were not full smiles. But this one… this one was something rare.

“And that’s all it matters for now.” His free hand brushed her face “there’s no hurry and I am loving this. Getting to know you. Spending time together. Spoiling you.”

“I am loving it too. So very much.” Her body inched closer “are you finally going to kiss me or you placed me on the counter to brag that you are taller than me?”

Rowan closed the distance and the kiss was everything but gentle. His hand shifted and grabbed her buttocks pulling her close while Aelin hands found their target on his back.

“We shouldn’t.” He pulled away “you need to rest.”

Aelin grabbed the collar of his t-shirt “you get me all wet and then back away? A nice energetic tumble in the sheets will get me all exhausted and ready for bed.”

Rowan did not answer, he just lifted her in his arms and her legs wrapped around his back and he carried her to the bedroom.

“Good boy.” She whispered.

And Rowan realised, while leaning forward to steal a kiss from her, that if he could do this for the rest of his existence, he’d be the happiest man of earth. 

TAGS

@rowaelinismyotp​

@swankii-art-teacher​

@courtofjurdan​

@whimsicallyreading​

@themoonthestarsthesuriel​​

@bruiseonthefaceofhumanity​

@acreativelydifferentlove

@mis-lil-red​

@thegreyj​

@sailorsassley​

@leiawritesstories​

@clairec79

[edwardelricsrightarm]

Riza Hawkeye as a child/young teen but she's just this Annie Oakley ass prodigal sharp shooter little shit who cuts her hair off with kitchen scissors and runs absolutely buckwild in the woods on her father's estate terrorizing small animals (humanely hunting I'm just being dramatic)

Roy boy is just this awkward nerdy little cornball who wants to get along, but they also kinda have that dynamic from the Swan Princess when Derek and Odette were kids ya feel me? Just watch the childhood montage from that movie you'll understand- ☠️

They have like nothing in common at the time (so they assume) and yet they end up thick as thieves cause Riza hasn't had many friends that she can see outside of her education and had an extremely isolated upbringing, so this goofy sweet baby faced dork just got her like that, even if he sometimes drives her nuts a little bit.

Riza would get upset fairly often bc her neglected social and emotional upbringing would get to her (bc realistically,,,,we know that was the case), and Roy got extremely good at knowing when she's upset and would often be the one to listen to her air her thoughts out (callback to the phone call scene after her encounter with pride, this lends background to how he knows her so well and reads her stress levels like a book even over the phone)

Mundane headcanons:

Roy would transmute little clay/dirt doves and targets for Riza bc he was worried about her shooting glass bottles and other assorted not necessarily safe objects.

Roy is trans, I can't untrans him that's just who he is to me. Riza is a self declared tomboy who I hc as nonbinary/demigirl. They're also bi4bi it's canon Arakawa told me.

Riza didn't really know good birthdays, and when Roy realized this it broke his heart bc Chris always tried to remember stuff like that for him and she's not even his own biological mother. So, he made an annual routine of gifting her something (often transmuted and unique).

Riza loved being out in nature back then and knew the wooded areas around the estate like the back of her own hand, when she and Roy had warmed up more to one another she made a routine of showing him all the neat little spots she'd found in the area for one reason or another, just for the sake of sharing that with someone. These remain some of their fondest memories.

Riza would be more likely to go out to shoot targets when she was angry or upset, if she was having a good day and had the time she would be more likely to go hunting because she enjoyed the hiking and tracking but couldn't focus on it when internally upset. Roy eventually figured this out as well.

Riza climbed so many trees, rocks, outcroppings, etc- and was always scraped up from something she probably shouldn't have climbed getting the better of her.

Riza used to have a nanny birddog named Otto, but he passed away before Roy came around, so making a new friend in him after that loss was a big comfort to her. She was hesitant to have other dogs until Hayate.

They're both autistic.

Relatedly, Riza would go nonverbal and lock herself in her room sometimes. Roy, concerned, would approach this by slipping little notes under the door offering company if needed, while not pushing her to talk.

Riza would sing/hum while doing chores or out and about exploring and on every occasion Roy overheard this he'd turn red from ear to ear- if she caught it and realized he'd heard she'd be twice as embarrassed.

Riza would take Roy foraging and showed him some useful/edible plants, and safe berries and mushrooms that she knew in the region. He was honestly always pretty impressed, especially considering some mushrooms that are safe have toxic siblings that look identical.

Both of them are varying levels of nerd. Riza is the type who's full of trivia, especially weird facts about her special interests (animal behavior, guns, bushcraft, navigation and tracking stuff, etc), Roy started out neutral to this but over time infosharing kinda became their love language, and he'd start to infodump right back. They'd spend hours like that some days.

Riza knows constellations really well for navigational reasons, and there were times that she showed Roy a way to get onto the roof from the attic and they'd stargaze. She would teach folk names of constellations, regional lore behind them, navigational uses for them etc; Roy would tell her basic facts about space and astronomy that come with understanding of alchemy.

Riza typically stuck to small prey (rabbits, fowl, easy to retrieve misc.), but Roy had an awakening when Riza first killed a whole ass deer (albeit a young one) and came back with it thrown over both shoulders with the determined energy of a small lionness.

Riza is REALLY good at cooking and baking because she had a bit too much free time to fuck around in the kitchen. She also learned how to cure and smoke meats bc of her hunting. It certainly helped them stay well fed.

Roy developed a habit of cooking for the household pretty regularly in a swapped routine with Riza after only a while of being around because he saw how much she had to be self sufficient in almost every way and honestly just wanted to relieve her of the constant responsibility and self parentification. He'd also help with chores constantly.

Roy had major internal conflict even early on because he respected his teacher greatly for his intelligence and brilliance, but also kned that Riza wasn't being raised well, and that no matter what he does, Berthold can only decline mentally. This is the root of his protective and caretaking behavior with her, ultimately.

Roy doodled and sketched a lot back in the day and had a little booklet that he guarded with his life bc it started out random assorted things, but eventually devolved into a book full of cute little doodles of mostly Riza jammed into the last half of the book (She can never know-). He still has it stored away.

Riza could easily pick him up even then, this never changed. She got to show this once when he sprained his ankle on a hike with her and she held half his weight as a crutch with no strain to herself. He never quite recovered from that (but boy did it make his crush worse).

Roy would notice rarely he'd have a shirt go missing and never could figure out why til he'd find Riza wearing an identical shirt. (She told herself it's just cause they're cozy of course- she just likes boys clothes too! They look nice under overalls and are comfortable to sleep in! nothing more /s) They never said a word about it even though it was right in front of them, they couldn't dare.

Roy had a bike, and she'd ride behind him down some of the rural roads and paths that could support it for fun sometimes.

During winter the home would get pretty chilly because of its size and not enough stoves/fireplaces to fully warm the declining estate, so when snowed in on miserably cold winter days they'd usually end up reclined in the study by the space heater or in the loungeroom by the fireplace reading separately, but still occasionally talking back and forth.

Riza stopped hunting post-Ishval. She couldn't bring herself to derive that same innocent pride and appreciation for the circle of life she once had, and felt she no longer deserved to have that respectful exchange with the cycle of life and death after what her skills had been used for. She never stops going to shooting ranges, but it's either for standard upkeep of practice or to vent.

[thewistlingbadger]

It's Over.

Summary: Spencer is approached by a handsome stranger while crying at Morgan's wedding. Inspired by the song it's over, isn't it?

CW: emotionally Hurt Spencer Reid, ralvez with post Moreid, angst, betrayal, Spencer has a panic attack, Luke is a good guy, they're both nuerodivergent, hurt/comfort, curse words.

To be honest, he never thought he'd be in this situation. He's at Derek Morgan's wedding, currently pushing his way through the crowd. Derek Morgan: The player of all players, getting married to some random girl. At least it felt random to Spencer. They don't even know each other, He thought. She doesn't love him. She can't love him like I do. The way I have been doing for the past 11 years.

The whole night he'd been trying to hold it all in. This whole entire time he's been trying to hold it all in, to not react. But how do you not react to the love of your life throwing everything you two had away? As though it were nothing? Was it nothing to him? Tears pushed out his eyes, He walked even faster. I gotta get out of here.

Yeah, it's safe to say that this is not at all how he expected the night would go.

He quickly scanned the venue for an area that wasn't heavily populated. After a few minutes, he found a quiet, secluded spot.

He descended to the ground. His fingers fumbled when trying to take off his tie. He threw it away from himself in fury, letting every pent up emotion out.

For once in his life he let the sobs rack through his body. For once he let out every fucking tear imaginable and he did not wipe them away. He let the snot drip down to his chin and his lungs feel like there was no air left on earth.

Spencer Reid was full on ugly crying. It would be a first for everyone, including Luke Alvez.

Luke didn't really know what he was doing there. I guess he was just stunned when Peneople Garcia, the person who hates him the most, asked him to be her plus one to this wedding. He couldn't even remember if he's ever actually been to a wedding before. But he was trying to get on her good side so he had said yes.

The whole night was weird for him. The venue was packed with faces he didn't recognize; And at first chance, Penelope ditched him to go talk to the groom.

At least the food was free and the champagne was expensive right? He started to wander when his ears picked up the sound of sobs. He cautiously followed the sound and and a person with shaggy light brown hair with a long torso was revealed to him.

"Are you okay?" The voice of a man breaking Spencer out of thought. God give me a break. How the fuck was he supposed to lie his way out of this? There's no way in hell he can explain why he's having a meltdown at a wedding.

Luke sat next to the crying person, now getting a better look at them. They were wearing a tuxedo, had white skin, and a sharp jawline. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to...interrupt what you were doing? I was just looking for a way out of the commotion. I don't really know anyone here." Luke stumbled through his sentences awkwardly.

How do you get invited to a wedding of a person you don't know? This encounter increasing in its weirdness, Spencer asked who the man was. "I'm Luke Alvez, Penelope's plus one. I work at the bureau like her."

"Oh of course you are." Spencer murmured without thinking. "What's that supposed to mean?" Great. Now Spencer's got this stranger on defense mode. "Nothing. She always knows how to pick the strong, attractive guys that work at the bureau." Luke thought about the compliment. "Like the groom?" He asked.

This made Spencer think too. How well did he actually know Derek? Did he even know Derek at all? "As of my knowledge, they never dated. But nothing would surprise me when it comes to that man." The bitter tone of the person brought Luke back to the problem at hand and away from his questions about the groom.

Luke desperately tried to ease his way out of the awkwardness. But he was Luke Alvez, so he failed miserably. "It's a nice spot you picked. Outside but not near the valet. It's nice to get the breeze through your hair. It's also not super-" A laugh interrupted his description of the site.

Luke joined in with the soft chuckles. "This has been a strange night to say the least." "Yeah no kidding." Luke said with a smile. "I never thought it would be like this." Spencer admitted, looking up to the night sky. "... what'd ya mean by that?" Luke was looking at the other person.

"I was fine, with the women. Who'd just stroll into his life now and again. I was fine, because I knew, that was just a silly game to him. It was just someone to grind with at the club. Someone to go home with, who he had no intention of seeing again. A 'How many women could I take home in one night?' kinda thing."

The person let out a sigh. "I was even fine with her! Because I knew, she'd be like all the others. Either he'd get bored of her in 3 weeks tops or she would be disappointed that he always had to go and then she'd leave. And after, being with him for over a decade, I just." Spencer hugged his knees. "I just never thought I would loose." Spencer brushed the tears out of eyes. The fuck was he doing? Crying in front of a stranger?

"I'm sorry." Spencer laughed. "I'm not one that tends to loose... I'm not accustomed to it." The man gave a look to Spencer that just made him melt. His composure was gone for the second time that night. Spencer started sobbing and this stranger, this person that wasn't even supposed to be at the wedding, was holding him. He was comforting him.

"I'm so sorry." Luke said softly. "Did....did anyone else know?" "No." Spencer barley managed to croak out. "We were on and off the whole time, off when he was seeing someone else. Most of the time a random girl from the club or some ditzy girl he bumped into on the street. Gay marriage wasn't legal yet we didn't want to be terminated. We didn't want our friends to see us differently." Spencer sobbed. "And now they won't see us at all."

Luke rubbed small circles slowly into their back. "I think the worst part is is that I didn't see it coming. The whole time I thought he was genuine. Then one day he walked into the office with a ring on his finger. That's when I knew it was over." The Luke leaned against him, resting his head against Spencer's and holding him close.

"He didn't even tell me! He didn't even address it. He just asked me if I would be a groomsmen as if we never even happened." His mind was telling him to shut the fuck up. You can't admit that you're gay to a stranger! But his heart was utterly smashed. He needed to vent, even if it was just for this one night.

Eventually, Spencer stopped hyperventilating and all he was left with was puffy red eyes.

"Well," Luke started, "From what you just told me, it sounds like this night has been horrible for you." Spencer gave a pathetic nod. Luke smiled at him in return, telling him it was ok. "No one should feel bad at a wedding, even if it's not there's. It's supposed to a celebration right? Or at least fun. Free food, free booze, cake even! Surrounded by people you love and- and music!"

"I don't drink." Spencer said. "Respectable. Tell you what- how about you and me, we get up and we go back ok? At least to get you a water you must be really dehydrated from all the tears. Did you get to try the cake?" Spencer shook his head.

"Oh man it was really something else. Do you like cake? If you like cake you'll think that the cake they got is fantastic. Let's go grab a slice and if you wanna go home then I can drive you home. You've had quite the eventful night you deserve to go home, only if you want to though I won't force you to obviously. I mean, it would be weird if I forced you to do anything I'm a stranger after all. How's that sound?"

Spencer smiled at the man. He's clearly nuerodivergent, Spencer thought. ADHD, was Spencer's guess. This night was already one he never wanted to remember, so it can't get any worse. So he took the hand of the stranger, introduced himself, and they went back to the wedding, arms linked together. Spencer grabbed a water bottle, Luke grabbed them a slice of cake and without saying goodbye, they went home.

By: Mic

[fishoutofcamelot]

Okay but consider: after her banishment, Gwen ends up crossing paths with Isolde and Tristan. Circumstances cause them to share a campsite for a few days - Isolde and Tristan have been separated from the rest of their crew, and a horrible storm has trapped the three of them in a cave for the foreseeable future. Naturally, bonding ensues, and these two grizzled smuggler people end up kinda-sorta adopting Gwen against their better judgment.

But like??? I'm just imagining a conversation between them, where they point out that Gwen is clearly bottling up Some Stuff, and it would really help her to just get it out of her system.

But Gwen turns down their offer and insists on bottling it up anyway, to which Isolde is like, "bro its cool that youre all polite and nice and whatnot, but you dont have to be that way all the time. its okay to be angry and upset every once in a while. you keep things bottled up because you think you have to, because thats what society expects of you, because everyone in your life needs to rely on your for strength and wisdom and support, and even though sometimes you dont want to be the responsible one there isnt much choice. and i get that, i really do, but right now we're all stuck in a cave together out in the middle of nowhere, and tristan and i are both literal criminals and also relative strangers, so no one will judge you or get upset if you just. go the tiniest bit unhinged for a while."

Naturally, Isolde has hit it right on the head. The next few minutes of wheedling and coaxing lead to Isolde and Gwen standing at the mouth of the cave, screaming loudly into the forest to vent all their pains and frustrations, just letting out every raw and ugly emotion they've got stuck inside them. Gwen is hesitant at first, but once she gains a bit of confidence she really gets into it. Isolde is...impressed and concerned by just how intensely Gwen can scream (she's got a lot bottled up, okay?)

Eventually they get the whole story out of her: her mother's death, Elyan's departure, her father's execution, Morgana's betrayal, the whole Lancelot mess, the various times she was sentenced to death, her complicated relationship with Arthur, that creep Agravaine...and the affair. She vents and weeps and screams at great length about the affair, and about her banishment, and about her fears and worries and frustrations and above all the self-loathing that has haunted her at every step of the way.

Isolde and Tristan listen, because clearly the poor girl has never had the chance to talk about this at length ever in her life and really really needs it. And okay, yeah, they're definitely keeping her now, it's too late.

Tristan smoothly yet gruffly brings up the suggestion that she tag along with them. She doesn't have anywhere else to go, after all, and they could use an extra set of hands. Gwen is of course reluctant to collude with smugglers, but after weighing her options she eventually decides to stick with these strange yet kind people.

Gwen doesn't start with smuggling right off the bat, though. She starts as the cook, and the horse-hand, and then one day Tristan hands her the reigns to one of the carts and teaches her how to drive it, and over time starts getting more and more responsibilities. she naturally acts polite and kind most of the time, but there are no expectations or consequences out here if she screws up or doesnt do her job perfectly every time. for perhaps the first time in her life, gwen finally has the chance to truly loosen up.

very quickly all the other members of the smuggler crew begin to adopt her as well, until this small army of hardened criminals are all collectively fawning over their mutual Sunshine Daughter. none of them liked King Arthur already due to his tax laws, but listening to Gwen's sordid tale gives them all a little bit of an extra reason.

One day, while going down to a nearby village to get some supplies, she overhears the news that Arthur is to marry Princess Mithian of Nemeth. And that gives her some...mixed feelings. Like, she's not jealous, that's just not her style, but she's not exactly happy about it either. She's trying to be. She knows she should be happy for Arthur. But at the same time, it does kinda sting.

She tries to bottle up those negative feelings at first, and just keep a brave face through the pain - until she remembers what Isolde said, and she remembers how all the other people in the smuggler crew taught her that ugly emotions aren't bad, and that it's okay to let yourself feel angry and upset from time to time.

So, armed with a new handful of complicated emotions and the full intention of not bottling them up for once, Gwen asks to tag along with the next away team. Which is weird because she never does that, she usually prefers to keep as far away from the actual criminal activity as possible. But something in her eyes tells Tristan that she needs this, so even though he has a policy against bringing amateurs he happily welcomes her along.

In this particular instance, they are going to be stealing some valuable goods from a particularly belligerent noble. While sneaking around the noble's extravagant estate, which stands in stark contrast to the dilapidated state of the nearby villages under his control, Gwen overhears the noble slapping one of his servants. She taps Isolde on the arm. Says, "I have an idea." Isolde finds that she likes the idea very much.

Next thing they know, they're running from the estate's guards while cackling, the noble's wardrobe full of disgustingly fancy linens in flames. Gwen is laughing, loud and unburdened; not only was setting all those silk garments on fire immensely cathartic, but it was also some of the most fun she's had in her entire life.

At breakfast the next morning, as Isolde proudly recounts their adventures to the rest of the crew, one of the other smugglers - a plucky young teen who looks oddly familiar, goes by the name Mordred - says that if Gwen enjoys fire so much, he might be able to hook her up with a spell or two.

And that is, more or less, the story of how Mordred began teaching Gwen magic. And that is also more or less the story of how Gwen learned to let loose and become the Robin Hood-esque arsonist sorcerer she was always meant to be.

(A few months later, Arthur and Merlin will stumble their way into camp, and that will be...interesting, to say the least.)

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou Oneshot: "Why are you acting like that?”

To keep busy I just thought that a oneshot of Shinsou getting self conscious/needy would be cute since we already have his redemption arc rolling in. The next part of the Incel!Shinsou series (Part 3) will have him proving his worth at the Sports Festival. So in thinking of how he will prove himself to you I thought of how will all of those people affect him, especially you. ( This oneshot takes place pre changes, so Shinsou is still his disgusting self but he's figuring out how to woo a woman, especially of your caliber.)

Incel!Shinsou Series:

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 2: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Incel!Shinsou Headcanons

"I know what you're doin' here. Made your intentions clear. Oh you, you terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Beautiful thing"

TW: Strong Language, Mild Sexism

People were never an obstacle when it came to the things Shinsou wanted. He’s aware that others would do anything for him if he played his cards right. The right words with the right question did wonders for him. So why the fuck couldn’t he have what he wanted when it came to you? You drove him up the wall with the kindness you showed him. He didn’t deserve it and you’re existence almost felt like a punishment from whatever deity that existed out there to make him suffer. You guys were suppose to be studying for your upcoming project that required a poster, a slide show, and one influential person that would help prove your projects point. You left him running circles within his own mind as to how you were so willing to challenge him. He wanted you to obey him not see through his bullshit. It wasn’t like you didn’t listen to him vent, or didn't give him attention, but he wanted to hold you under his control. To be the person you listened to.

In class you where both seated on the extreme ends of the room on opposite sides. You never realized this (you do), but his head would periodically turn towards your direction to look at you, to figure you out (liar). This time, you managed to catch him do it.

“What are you doing?” You asked plainly. You honestly didn’t care that he was staring, everyone does when you dress like you're attending an MCR concert in the middle of autumn.

“You look different....today.”

“Nice.” It was difficult to care. Shinsou was just some guy in your class that you had to deal with. Nothing special really....ok, maybe it wasn’t fully true. You didn’t really know him all that well or anything (Unless it was mocking and belittling everything you did, that was normal behavior for him so it wasn’t surprising to find out he was like that outside of campus.) but he wasn’t all that bad? If he cared for himself a bit more, hygiene wise he would be considered handsome or at least a competent human being (you weren't going to call him a man, men don't act this childish. At least the ones you knew.) Maybe then you would take his opinion seriously, but for now you’ll ignore his...interesting comments he's been throwing towards you today.

“It’s rude to ignore someone when their talking to you, you know?” The neutral face he had now possessed a frown and a furrow to his brows. You still couldn’t process how he took the time to make sure his hair stayed purple but didn’t care for his body odor. (This man dyes his hair purple yet cant bother to shower or use deodorant for once in his life.)

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just not interested in anything you have to say.” With that you get up and take your things and leave. There was no point in wasting time on someone who couldn’t even look at you directly and had to also sneak glances at you. "Do I really look that unbearable?" you thought to yourself. In the end you didn’t care anymore, everyone was entitled to an opinion and the last thing you need is feeling self conscious because of your out of place classmate.

Shinsou was fuming. How the fuck did you just get up and leave his ass while he was trying to complement you. You should have been more appreciative that he was giving you his attention for once. A bitch like you wasn't even worth it so he doesn't understand why he even tried with you.

He never goes directly home after school but instead to the local theater. It was one of the few places where he could be around others and could genuinely be himself. It was weird, he didn't feel like himself when he was speaking with his "friends", friends that he's never spoken to verbally, never seen, and never would meet. He knew that he didn't deserve this, to have a safe haven when he acts like an ass, yet here he was.

"Good morning Shinsou! How are you? Are you ready for rehearsals? You did remember to read your lines, right?" Shinsou rolls his eyes at his theater mates antics. Monoma never seems to stop but he does know when to tone it down and when it comes to Shinsou he tones it down a bit. (Because Monoma is canonically considerate of others, look back the Sports Festival and the Joint Training Arc.)

"Im good man, yes i did read and memorized the script, dont worry about it." What an odd friendship, the most chaotic gentleman like man out the bunch with the quietist incel in the group. Shinsou should have seen it coming when he was adopted by Monoma but he's running on 2 to 4 hours of sleep so he doesn't really care.

Believe it or not Shinsou does take showers (only for theater) but very quickly and with no care (no shampoo or soap, fucking why man.) Theater means more to him and so making his character look the best they possible can was his first and foremost priority. He puts on his costume, gets to makeup (the minimum, because it's "gay" for him to wear makeup and since the world is unfair and cruel he has perfect skin for a greasy headed asshole.)

"Everyone get a move on! Kodai, Tsuburaba, and Awase! Go to stage left! Light techs, how's it up there?" One of the tech heads shouted out. Shinsou and Monoma got to their positions on the stage and the rehearsals began.

Love, the play was about love. Love that wasn't rejected but also not accepted. He didn't understand the concept fully. Was it romantic? Platonic? Familiar? Admiration? He loved his dad, but he mostly admired him. He worked long hours and middle resents him for not being there for him, yet he realizes that his dad works to give him the world, a home with all the things he wanted. He never had a mother so he never had parental or familiar, again his dad was there but he wanted a parent that would hold him when he came back from school everyday. He didn't have a girlfriend, so he doesn't know romantic. So far all of his characters where villains, or evil in some way. He was starting to get sick of them. Shinsou wanted something more, wanted to play a character that wasn't how everyone saw him as on his day to day life. He wanted a challenge, he wanted....affection. Just to show it. He wanted attraction. Just to abuse it. He wanted...love. To just...maybe...feel...enjoy...understand it.

"You terrible thing you. My love, you're so cold. You've left me hanging on every one of your words. You've made me loose my self, lose my self-control because of you!" He pours everything into his performance, his loneliness, his regrets, his experience. He's been told by his co-performers and directors that he has a great future in the arts, in theater. If he just took care of himself more he would be an amazing actor, not only incredibly talented but also attractive. He would have the world kneeling, bowing to him just from his words alone. He could have anything he wanted just because of his existence.

" You've made me do things i don't want to do...for you." Kodai stands there looking horrified. He's covered in blood, the blood of her lover, the one she left him for.

"No, i-i didn't-"

"YOU MADE ME-MADE DO THIS FOR YOU! You terrible, terrible, terrible thing! You beautiful thing, I've done this for you!...and you still cant and won't love me." He doesn't see Kodai anymore. It's not her face he sees, nor her voice that he hears.

Its you...its your voice. You. You looking back at him while he slowly lowered himself to kneel and crawl towards you. It's you who backs away from him as he starts to cry and hiccup.

"You wreck me, you made me. You leave me in your wake, please let me go!" He sees you and feels you grabbing his wrists back, pushing him into himself.

"Don't you ever let me go...."

You terrible beautiful thing, you.

And here we are again. This was a lot fun to write since it feels more concrete when it comes towards his personality and his full thought process. In many cases people like Shinsou just want attention or some sense of validation, which there is nothing wrong with wanting those things but it's more about the manner you go about it. You shouldn't pressure or force others to spend time with you, but there is always someone out there that will like to give you those things.

Tag list: @blossominglark

[wonda-cat]

Some Thoughts on Tommy’s most recent stream (4/29)

(For the record, this isn’t going to be like my other formal analyses. I’m genuinely just ranting here, possibly unedited too. I’m only referring to the characters, unless stated otherwise.

Also obvious warning, this will be fairly negative/critical of the DSMP’s writing, so scroll past if that might bother you. I tend to criticize the media I love, so this is just par for the course in my case.)

Let’s start off with—

The Things I Liked

All of the comedy at the beginning of the stream was wonderful. Ghostbur was incredibly endearing and entertaining as usual, as well as the moments between bench trio. Tommy’s change of plans made sense and the entire journey through the prison was tense and fun to watch. As well as the moment Tommy got caught (it was inevitable.) 

It goes without stating, but cc!Wilbur and cc!Tommy’s acting was wonderful—they knocked it out of the park. I liked the little moments of Tommy calming Ghostbur down as Sam screamed at him. I also loved Wilbur's speech about his time in the afterlife when bench trio found him. 

As well as the moment with Wilbur admiring the sky and calling it ‘his sunrise.’ I’m also glad that the afterlife was explained to be caused by the Revival Book’s existence and not some general eternal torture every character will be sentenced to regardless of anything they did in life. 

But, sadly, that’s about where I stop and have to go into what I didn’t like as much, which is—

Everything Else

I’ll be talking about my major gripes with this particular stream in later bullet points down the line, but for now I’ll bring up the little things that annoyed me. This is all basically nit-picking and isn’t as awful or badly written as some of the others I’ll be discussing later. 

First off, Why is Ranboo There? In the stream before this one, Tommy had Tubbo promise to not tell anyone else about their plan. Did he just decide to tell Ranboo anyway? Why? What was the point of asking him to keep it secret if it didn’t matter? 

Adding to this, Tubbo and Ranboo were rather unnecessary for any of the other scenes that took place. They didn’t have any meaningful conversations with Tommy besides Ranboo asking why he was dreading Wilbur’s revival so much, as well as Wilbur’s comments to Tubbo about him being president. But other than that they have little to no notable speaking lines. 

They don’t Do Anything? Sure, they’re nice to have present so Tommy can vent to someone else and find comfort but, in the end, Ranboo was oddly angry and accusatory with Tommy and Tubbo was practically absent from the scene. The impression I got from Tommy and Tubbo’s conversation in the previous stream implied that Tubbo would be serving a larger role as a distraction, but I guess they changed gears or something? 

Then we have Ghostbur’s involvement, which, yeah, makes sense. Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo are not allowed inside the prison, so it’s best to find someone else who can get in without suspicion. But my first assumption, upon seeing Ghostbur with the group was, “Oh, he’s gonna go in there and Dream’s gonna use him to revive Wilbur. That’s the only reason why Ghostbur is here and not anyone else, who would also be willing to kill Dream. It’s not like they’re in short supply right now.”

And I ended up being right, which only frustrated me more. I wanted something unexpected. Something new. Something interesting. Yet, I got the most predictable outcome instead—Tommy fails, Wilbur is revived. 

Next, we have another big serving of ‘Tommy gets blamed for things he has no control over’ part 241. I am so, so sick of characters getting unreasonably mad at and blaming Tommy for anything and everything. It’s not new, it’s not interesting, it’s not fun. It’s just miserable. 

It is,, awful. And it’s highkey frustrating. I refuse to sit through another arc of Tommy being endlessly hurt and blamed for stuff he didn’t do or cannot control. Pick a new event in the plot. 

Try something out of left field. Do something, anything different to this. I’m begging you. 

Now, we get into the major writing pitfalls and shortcomings. Starting with—

We Need to Talk About Sam

I have no idea what is going on with Sam’s character right now. It is so genuinely confusing. I have no clue why Sam reacted the way he did to Tommy because it just doesn’t make any sense. Sam’s entire inner conflict is about him trying to cultivate and protect his humanity and morality while upkeeping a strict, closed-off demeanor.

He follows the rules, even if it hurts the people he loves. Even if these codes force him into a position to be unethical. He feels it is his responsibility should anything go wrong or if Dream escapes, because it puts others in danger.

His strict approach got Tommy killed, and it also took a life and an arm from Ponk. Both of these people are precious to him. So why on earth would he threaten to kill Tommy when, in their last interaction, he was glad he was alive—after he promised to never let something like that happen again?

He respected Tommy’s wishes to stay away from him, and rather politely too. Why would he then threaten to kill him just after weeks of saying Tommy’s death was his biggest regret? That’s not even touching on Sam saying, “This is why I let you die,” as well as blaming Tommy for something that was directly a result of his own refusal to act.

Why didn’t he have Ghostbur also hitch a ride on the same platform with Tommy? Why did he even let Ghostbur into the prison in the first place if he:

A.) Told Ranboo he wasn’t going to let anyone in there after what happened to Tommy.

B.) Also wouldn’t let people in lest they find out about Quackity’s plan.

C.) Couldn’t even kill Ghostbur because he’s incorporeal and thus cannot fully upkeep the contracts he is signing.

There’s also the issue of Sam breaking the rules he abides by when he decided to not kill Tommy after he snuck into the prison, despite it being in the contract. Why is it different now? He went against his own protocol but was also following it by refusing to let Ghostbur come back to the other platform?

Why does Sam refuse to listen to Tommy? Their argument is mind-numbingly ridiculous. Sam refuses to hurt Dream, despite him only being alive because Sam claimed Tommy wanted him alive.

But now Tommy is there, begging Sam to let him kill Dream, and Sam just goes, “No. We’re not killing Dream.” Fucking why??? Sam! You said you wanted to kill Dream at least four times by now! Maybe more!

You were on your way to do it with Quackity and the only thing that stopped you was your promise to Tommy. But now Tommy’s here, telling you to kill Dream and you fucking won’t???? I am absolutely baffled.

No matter how you spin it, it makes no fucking sense. However, if I tried,,, I could possibly come up with a reason or two. Maybe Dream is blackmailing him. Maybe Quackity is forcing him to keep Dream alive until he can get the info he needs (even though,,, why would he trust Quackity over Tommy, who he’s outwardly stated he trusts just as much, if not more?)

It feels like these plots are dancing around each other, trying to keep up this faux sense of conflict that doesn’t exist. But, here’s the thing, contrived conflict is never compelling. I can’t overstate it enough.

Dream’s Plan is Complete Nonsense

The method to revive Wilbur makes Dream seem even more short-sighted than I remember commenting on, during the stream where Tommy was brought back to life. He told Tommy that his plan was to test the book to see if it worked (which, okay fine, I can buy this.) But then he says all along he was planning to revive Wilbur in order to break out of prison, which is ???? This is baffling if he needed Ghostbur in order to pull this off. 

Which,,, I can’t even begin to explain how ridiculous it is that Dream’s entire plan hitched on not only the book working on people to begin with (which he tested on Tommy,,, for some reason, even though he would’ve lost his ‘favorite toy’ if he fucked it up. Which,, why even take that chance in the first place? there are other visitors he could’ve tried this with, surely. Like Sapnap and Bad,,) and it also relied on Ghostbur voluntarily going into the prison just to visit Dream?? And if he didn’t need Ghostbur after all, then why didn’t he bring Wilbur back weeks ago? 

That’s not even getting into the issue of Dream assuming that Wilbur, once brought back, would: 

A.) Want to be alive in the first place.

B.) Actually be willing to help Dream, instead of telling him to fuck off.

C.) Be even slightly capable of helping him at all when he has no allies, no PVP skill, no weapons, no armor, and no knowledge of the prison or its innerworkings. 

Why are the current DSMP writers so committed to making me think Dream is a fucking idiot? I don’t enjoy this. I used to like his character and think he was smart. Stop. 

ALSO, why did Tommy or Tubbo or Ranboo not think of the possibility that Ghostbur could very well be necessary to revive Wilbur? Why did that not cross any of their minds? It was the first thing I thought of when I saw him.

Another big thing that irks me is Tommy and Sam saying they saw Dream physically holding the Revival Book, which,,, how? Why? Dream said in previous streams that he burned the book and that was entirely the thing that kept him from being killed outright. If there was a book still in existence, did he hide it somehow? 

How did Quackity not find it? Why did Sam not take it from him when he was first arrested?? What? 

Also how the fuck did Dream kill a ghost?? They’re incorporeal? How does he not need the body to perform necromancy? That seems almost redundant. 

Also it took a matter of seconds to perform? It took,,, ?? nothing but words and sheer willpower to bring someone back to life? Why does it seem so easy? My mans just,, uses his vibes to bring people back from the dead??? 

Unless the book has instructions regarding that or has a proportional price in order to use, then I’d be more forgiving. But I’m guessing it doesn’t have too steep a cost if Dream could offer Tommy immortality despite that. But I’m sure we’ll get more information on this once Quackity (inevitably) gets his hands on the book. Hopefully… 

Which brings me to my last point—

Wilbur’s Revival (Derogatory)

Since the Revival Book was introduced, I have been actively dreading Wilbur being revived. It is the most predictable, low-hanging fruit of a plotline I could possibly conceive of. I understand that he’s a fan-favorite with a large audience (I love Wilbur more than you’d expect. cc!Wilbur is actually the reason I got into the DSMP in the first place), but there are other characters who could be developed more—utilized more. 

Unpopular opinion, I know, but I am just so incredibly unenthused about this plot development. In fact, I’d almost go so far as to say hate it. 

The Revival Book in and of itself is my least favorite thing the DSMP has ever introduced. It is a lack of consequences simplified. It’s also a lack of commitment to those mortal consequences. 

It is a ‘get out of jail free’ card for when they kill off a character and don’t want to deal with the hole that character will leave behind. Or a way to work around the reason they shouldn’t kill Dream on the spot. 

With Wilbur back again, I no longer feel compelled by his arc the way I used to. There is nothing to really leave a lasting impact anymore. Of course, there was a cater where L’Manburg once stood, but that was dug even deeper later on. You can’t make the death of a friend, of a loved one, worse than it is. It is death. 

The thing I found extremely interesting about Wilbur’s death is the way the other characters portrayed loss. It has consistently been the thing that was most comforting to me, oddly enough. When people die, there will always be loose ends. 

There will be holes left behind and things left unsaid. An unfulfilled promise. A forgotten relationship. A hollow memory.

What I always found compelling was the way Tommy and Fundy and Niki took this mutual loss and had to live with it. How they had to come to terms with the fact that Wilbur was gone and he wasn’t coming back. That they had to make peace with his memory, his legacy, and their connection to him. 

That they’d miss him and love him or hate him and try to forget him. It is a tragedy that someone like Wilbur wanted to die for so long, and in the end, he did. Because in reality, the people you love will die. 

There may be someone in your life that leaves you behind and all you’re left with is the broken pieces. And it is how these characters move on that brings me bittersweet company as someone who’s lost a lot of people. There is nothing more irritating than a story going back on its establishments—to have their cake and eat it too. 

All I want is the bare minimum—a story with narrative stakes and consequences.

The only way I could ever see myself enjoying this plot development is if Wilbur has a redemption arc and attempts to make amends with Tommy, Fundy, Niki, and Eret. OR if he aids in Dream’s downfall in some way and enjoys the simple realities of life and wants to live for the sake of living. I’d find that at least new and somewhat interesting. 

But if he’s just here to be a moustache toiling villain (or somehow worse than after his previous downward spiral), when the market is already so deeply oversaturated with antagonists, then I will probably drop the series altogether. 

Hopefully it doesn’t come to that because I love the Dream SMP and I want to keep loving it for as long as I can. 

I will hold onto more reasons to stay, so long as they keep giving them to me.

[my-writings-and-musings]

Hey, if you're still doing those angsty oxygen scenarios, could you do one with Rumble? I know he's not a lost light bot but it would mean a lot to me

He means a lot to me too, anon. Plus as I see it, being a Lost Light bot is a state of mind.

Here's all my previous posts with this popular prompt!

Part One: Here!

Part Two: Here!

Part Three: Here!

Part Four: Here!

Part Five: Here!

Part Six: Here!

Part Seven: You are Here!

Part Eight! Here!

Part Nine: Here!

Part Ten: Here!

Part Eleven: Here!

Part Twelve: Here!

Rumble

·The story of how you both ended up on the Lost Light is a long and rather ridiculous one, but thankfully you're both quite happy now with the way things have turned out. Hanging out and playing video games is one of the more calm and non-destructive things you two do around the ship, and it's an activity he adores having someone to share with, as not too many bots share the hobby. Being absolutely tiny by Cybertronian standards but huge compared to you, he typically encourages you to sit on his lap while you game together, something he claims is only done to ensure you both can see. Being a good sport, you agree so he can keep protecting his reputation as a tough bot who never cuddles anyone, and also because you know he's secretly in need of said cuddles despite his claims otherwise. You're well in to a rather relaxed gaming session when an emergency communication pings both of you.

·Quite open about how annoyed he is, the feeling only grows when the line is barely audible, static blurring all but every other word of what sounds like a rather urgent message. Though he does try to ask for a repeat of what's said, when the feed simply dies he's quite tempted to just ignore it and keep playing games. Admittedly that sounds good to you too, but being on a gigantic alien vessel makes you far less comfortable at the prospect of things being uncertain, as what's minor to the bots can be quite dangerous for you. Initially your gentle insistence on seeing what might be going on only gets an exaggerated groan regarding how it's probably nothing and that the two of you are having fun so who cares? The pouting is something you're rather accustomed to, so you follow a strategy of gentle pushing to get him moving, which results in him growing ever more dramatic until he's lying back on his second hand couch as if getting up would be physically painful.

·A gentle kiss on his nose finally melts away his immature resistance, but only after he blushes like a lamppost and huffs to try and pretend he's not doing it because you've convinced him or anything. With one last sorrowful look at his console, he hefts you into his shoulder and moves out, not willing to wait on your tiny human legs. Though he's obviously grumpy there's still care and consideration in how he walks with you, as he's never going to risk dropping your squishy human self if he can help it.

·Repeated attempts to comm anyone for some information turn up nothing but static, and that leaves both of you quite confused, with the minibot commenting on how odd it is that no one is answering. Being near the living quarters at this time of day means there's no one around to ask, so he hurries along whilst looking for a signal, reasoning that the two of you should head to the bridge or somewhere equally important to look for answers. Knowing he has way more experience in this than you do, you happily let him take the lead, smiling softly at how your agreement makes him puff up with pride. Being a mini has made him rather unaccustomed to any kind of leadership, so even the simplest praise or deference always means the world to him.

·His ego boost is quite rudely interrupted by a sudden tremor through the ship, though he's hardly knocked off balance for long due to his unique skills. Keeping his footing solid and you secure on his shoulders, he immediately asks if you're okay once the floor steadies beneath him, knowing that it was just a little shake but worried nonetheless. You assure him that you're fine, which convinces him to hold you a little less tightly. Looking up into his visor, you're concerned to see his usual calm replaced with a much more serious expression. It's one you know to only expect when things are about to get bad. As he starts walking again, he explains that, as an expert on seismic things, he knows that the ship has just been snagged. Having an internal sensory system specifically designed to detect these things also makes him certain of the exact size of the enemy and where it hit; and what he detected isn't good.

·Despite being less than half his height, Rumble is your immediate worry as he goes on to explain more of the situation, talking more to cut through the quiet to calm his nerves. You know that you're not built for alien robot battles, but quite frankly, neither is he. Not on his own at least. Though he'll surely deny it now, he's confided in you that without his brother or a bigger bot to sync up with... fighting anything but other minis is a lot harder. Knowing that makes you press him gently on a plan; where should the two of you go to be safe?

·As expected he's immediately adamant that he's fine, but his attitude to you is another story, as is obvious by how he shifts you completely into his arms and holds you tightly. With a promise that he won't let anything touch you, he surprises you with a completely unrestrained sense of protective drive, something quite out of character for a bot that usually struggles with deep feelings. Knowing that ships always have extra guards stationed at key locations, he decides to hurry his way to the medical bay, secretly hoping not to encounter any enemies on the way. Not that he's embarrassed to be a mini or anything, but in moments like these he really wishes he could be big and strong for your sake... Pushing those thoughts deep down, he hurries along and tries to focus on how cool he looks carrying you to safety. Maybe after all this is over he'll be able to tell some awesome stories about rescuing you.

·Seeing you get a little sleepy absolutely baffles him, and he gives you a little tap to wake you up with a tease about taking poorly timed naps. Not having realized you were nodding off, you rub at your eyes in confusion, suddenly aware of sleepiness that certainly wasn't present earlier. At your continued and obvious exhaustion he's quite worried. Had he better practice at driving with an occupant he'd have given you a ride to save time, but even at the best of times previous attempts at that were disasters, so in your current state you'd probably end up getting seriously hurt... It's yet another thing to regret as he holds you closer and hurries along, secretly trying to establish communication so he can hopefully get some answers. The lack of success makes him more worried with every passing minute.

·Though Rumble is no stranger to cuddling behind closed doors and carrying you to show off his strength, this is the first time he's held you like this in public for so long, and it feels very nice. You know he's worried about you, but it's getting harder to focus on staying awake and comforting him with his arms keeping you so secure, and his little spark humming so warm and strong right next to you. Only his gentle pleading for you to keep your eyes open prevents you from nodding off, mostly because his voice is so sad as he does so, and you can't handle seeing that sweet face grow any more worried. Clearly it must be bad if he's openly showing his softer side. You're aided in staying awake by a rather unexpected visitor nearly stepping on the minibot as he enters a hallway, and in the panicked blur that follows your mind is just sharp enough to catch the towering form of a very unfriendly alien before you're laid on the ground and Rumble charges forth in a preemptive strike.

·Though he's every bit as fearless as he usually is in appearance, in his spark he's absolutely terrified as he breaks out his piledrivers, the lack of his brother or Soundwave leaving him with a sense of total helplessness that he has to force down for your sake. The alien is a kind he doesn't recognize, but it's big and clearly hates bots by the way it strikes to kill. Using his tiny size to his advantage, he hammers the legs that are too slow to kick him away in time, striking with a level of force that strains his shock absorbers to a painful limit. The hulking alien collapses as its means of support are demolished in a messy and agonizing attack, but the mini takes no chances, hopping up to the head and delivering a blow capable of creating an earthquake all on its own. He's left panting from the exertion but grateful to have proved himself. Sore from the strain, he hurries back over to you and can't help but ask if you saw what he just did?

·Tiny jubilation is crushed when he hears your weak reply. Even though you're smiling at his victory, you're obviously barely holding on, and that means whatever invisible malady is afflicting you is growing more severe. Scooping you up in bloodied servos, he tries to keep the tears welling in his visor from falling, though admittedly he's not sure why since his image matters very little in the face of losing you. Thinking fast, he breaks open a vent cover and makes use of the claustrophobic shortcut to hurry to the medical bay, ignoring his own overworked body's protests to save you at any cost. Not knowing what the problem could be, he's still tearing himself apart inside over every tiny delay that could now result in the difference between life and death. If only he hadn't hesitated to stop gaming, or had been paying enough attention to avoid that alien... How like him, to prove unworthy of something by ruining it.

·You'd been physically incapable of staying awake as he'd closed in on the part of the ship where help would hopefully be found. Though you had tried so hard and been so heartbroken by his struggles, exhaustion unlike anything had ultimately forced you to rest, with his protective grip on you making it hard to worry as you slipped under. Tears had started to fall without restraint the moment you went quiet. It had made quite a scene when he'd burst into the medical bay, ploughing through a vent cover and startling multiple bots on guard as he yelled for someone to help you, nearly getting shot until he was recognized with you in his arms. Nearby medics had been quick to explain the breakdown of the atmospheric generators and the loss of oxygen, but he brushes all that aside with a single question; will you be okay?!

·Every bot present is immensely surprised by his demeanor. He's known as a troublemaker and a prankster, so even with your relationship to him being taken into consideration, his agony over your condition is not something they could have ever predicted. The loyalty to you is unshakable and obvious even after you receive the care you need, as he refuses medical attention for himself and doesn't care in the slightest when the alien ambush is declared defeated. Not even the prospect of free drinks at Swerve's to celebrate can make him leave you for a second. All he wants is for you to wake up, and to hopefully not be mad once you wake up and learn what happened, which he believes he made worse by being irresponsible and wasting time... Though it isn't allowed, he crawls into your berth with you to snuggle when no one is present.

·You awaken to a much clearer head and the warmth of a bigger body huddled closely around you, and as soon as you open your eyes a familiar frame welcomes you back to consciousness. Whispering a greeting, you're shocked when the mini suddenly clings to you and begins pleading for your forgiveness while also recounting what happened to make you "sick", confusing you beyond all belief at first. Why would the bot you remembered saving you need to apologize? It's only by listening that you realize his misplaced blame is likely motivated by fear, as his hot tears pattering against the berth suggest a bot recently scared out of his wits. The poor mini is blaming himself for his lack of action, in full belief he could have moved faster and should have the moment something was wrong, and sounding quite convinced of his role in your injurey before you shush him as gently but audibly as you can.

·Wiping away heavy tears on his cheeks, you speak clearly through the oxygen mask still secured to your face, reassuring him that he did nothing wrong and had no reason to believe things would play out as they did. When he tries to miserably reply that he's still should have jumped at the first sign of trouble, you remind him that he jumped into action when it counted, taking down an enemy several times his size without anything but his own fists as weapons. Perking up to hear you remember his burst of bravery, he asks a little more confidently if you recall how he punched the alien so hard the hallway shook from the force, and you smile while you assure him that you saw every heroic moment. Hearing himself be referred to as a hero seems to reassure him in ways he didn't know he needed, and the rush of his own gratitude is enough that he hugs you tight without a hint of bashful hesitation. Just being here and safe with you makes it hard to be worried about anything at all.

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love - Chapter 3

Here is the next chapter! Yay! 

Words:5500

Warnings: mild swearing, possessive Ivar (maybe?), mild sexual tension, hint of violence

Series Masterlist

Tags: @youbloodymadgenius​

"Korítsi, one of these days I'll convince you to take a day off." (Greek: girl)

 Kari smiled as she re-tied her ponytail. Glancing over at her boss, she replied. "You would miss me too much. Besides you know I like working here."

 The woman shook her head. "You need a life outside of working- friends, a lover, anything besides this studio."

 "You just like listening to drama."

 "I'm happily married with my dream job; I need you ladies and your drama to keep me entertained. 

 Kari could only laugh along with her boss. Lydia Hansen was the best boss she could ever have asked for. The woman was in her mid-thirties, settled in life and always happy with a smile on her face and a kind word to share. She also had a mischievous side where she loved listening to the drama of her female workers, many coming to her for romantic advice or to vent about relationships. 

 Lydia leaned forward in her chair, putting an elbow on the desk beside her as she watched Kari. Even under the fluorescent lights, Kari thought the woman looked beautiful with her naturally tanned skin, short black hair and strong Mediterranean features. Kari could not help feeling like a used ragdoll next to her. 

"Why don't you come in at nine tomorrow morning, I can open the studio."

 Kari turned around after grabbing her purse from her locker. "Tonight is date night for you and Nels, which means several glasses of wine and you naked in your bed. If your stories are to be believed. So I'm guessing you don't want to be here at six-thirty tomorrow morning. Really, it's fine. I don't mind opening. I do it often enough."

 "And that's the problem. You've opened the majority of the time the past two weeks."

 "It's only until Sasha comes back from her family's funeral." Kari reminded her. 

 "Fine." Lydia huffed, then pointed a finger at her. "Then you're taking time off. I'll bar you from coming to work if you try to sneak in."

 "What if I want to come for classes?"

 "No. I'll kick you out of my studio. Do your yoga at home. By the skies above, you are a yoga instructor yourself. Just pretend to be teaching but alone….and at home!"

 The brunette smiled at her boss, knowing all of this was because Lydia actually cared for her employees. Both their physical and mental health. "No promises. Tell Nels 'hi' for me. See you tomorrow."

 "Go do something fun for once!" 

 Kari walked out of the office, chuckling. She waved to a coworker as she passed the front entrance before stepping outside into the late afternoon sun. Checking the time on her phone, she tossed it into her teal hobo bag and slung it over her shoulder, making her way towards the bus stop. In her black leggings, sneakers and purple racerback tank top with Whole Wellness Yoga Studio printed on the front, she could not help but feel slightly out of place as she walked the streets. Though no one gave her a second glance, she always felt like a fraud as she passed others by. The location of the yoga studio she worked at was certainly in the more affluent part of the city, and it showed by the manner of businesses in proximity and the looks and clothing of those who passed her by. 

 At one time she had worn expensive clothing, never paying attention to price tags, but those days were in the past. Although she adored working at the yoga studio, it barely made ends meet. Lydia mentioned once promoting her in the future to a manager, which came as a surprise since Kari had only been working there for just over a year. For now though, she was content with life. Happier than she had been in a long time. Even if her life seemed boring to others, only focusing on work and what the next book or TV series to enjoy was. It was her life, her choices. 

 For a brief second, she paused in her walk, thinking she had heard someone call her name. Which was highly unlikely since, truthfully, she hardly knew anyone in this city. With a mental shrug, she continued on, enjoying the feeling of the sunshine on her exposed skin. 

 "Kari Larsen! Don't you ignore me!" 

 The sudden scream made the brunette freeze in place, stunned and slightly terrified. Hesitantly, she turned, scanning around to see who had yelled for her attention. Luckily, it did not take long to notice the tall, blonde wearing the thigh-high boots and white, boho dress waving like a mad woman as she leaned over the short half-railing, separating the sidewalk and the restaurant's seating. 

 Smiling, Kari made her way back towards the woman, who beamed at her. "Gyda! When did you get back?"

 "Just yesterday. I know I say this every time but jetlag is a bitch." Gyda sighed dramatically, though her eyes twinkled in mirth. Leaning against the half-railing, she towered over Kari. On a good day, she stood just under six feet but with the short-heeled boots today, she peered down like a goddess from Valhalla surveying the lesser mortals. 

 "I don't know how you do it." Kari shook her head, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. 

 "Eh, you make it work." Gyda turned and peeked over her shoulder for a second before looking back at Kari. "What are you doing? Just get off work?"

 "Yeah. Heading home."

 "Do you want a ride?" She offered, tapping a finger along the railing. 

 Kari could feel the stares of the other patrons sitting outside and the wait staff, most likely wondering why someone like her was conversing with Gyda. Awkwardly, she toyed with her trusty diamond stud in her earlobe. "Not this time, but thank you. I'm sure you want to get back to your friends." 

 "It's just some of my many siblings and Torvi."

 "Oh, you'll have to tell her I said 'hi'."

 Gyda was a regular at the yoga studio when her schedule allowed. As a freelance writer, her schedule was chaotic at the best for time. Lately most of her works had been commissioned for traveling magazines, so her time coming to the studio was sporadic based on when she was in the country. It was through the studio that Gyda and Kari met. They would occasionally exchange pleasantries before or after Kari's class or in passing. Their friendship solidified only after Gyda found Kari standing at the bus stop in the cold rain months ago and offered to give her a ride home. They had met up a handful of times so Kari could hear all about the latest places Gyda visited and see the pictures she took, satisfying her own travel-wandering soul, sealing their friendship. 

 And through Gyda, Kari met Torvi. Though both women were at least ten years her senior, she enjoyed their presence and conversations. Torvi only came occasionally with Gyda as her guest to the yoga studio. At first, Kari was surprised when she learned they were sisters-in-law because of how close they seemed. Yet she found it refreshing, since most of her experience with family was tense to say the least. It was nice to know her own family's tendencies were not the norm. 

 "I will." The blonde exclaimed, her smile widening. "Oh! Do you want to meet Bjorn? I know you've heard Torvi and I talk about him enough that it's funny you haven't met him yet."

 "Oh, I'd hate to interrupt…."

 "Shut up. You're meeting him. Come on, I'll let you in through the main door, meet me over there." Then she spun on her heel and sashayed away, garnering a few lingering looks from nearby patrons. 

 If there was one thing Kari learned over the past several months of knowing Gyda, it was that the woman was head-strong and always got her way. So with an amused roll of her eyes, Kari headed around the restaurant to its main entrance just off the side of the busy sidewalk. The restaurant screamed money and prestige, something Kari learned both Gyda and Torvi had in spades. It was unnerving at first but their welcoming and kind presences help alleviate Kari's fears of being viewed as less. 

 Sure enough, Gyda stood waiting for her by the door. Chatting like a bird, she slipped her arm through Kari's and led her past the shocked waitstaff. The restaurant was even more impressive inside than how it appeared from the street. It was modern with a sharp black and white color scheme, tasteful and exquisite photos on the walls, and dark wood tables and chairs. Kari figured the price of a meal here was similar in cost to her monthly rent. 

 Gyda led her to a table that was outside in the sun, but partitioned from the street by the half-wall railing she had leaned over earlier to get Kari's attention. The brunette quickly counted five people already sitting there, apparently carrying on a lively conversation if the laughter meant anything. Before she could get a good look, Gyda directed her towards Torvi who reclined next to a man with an imposing physique and a long, blond, braided ponytail in a smart suit. 

 "Kari, this is my brother and Torvi's husband, Bjorn."

 "It's a pleasure to meet you." Kari smiled politely, taking his outstretched hand in a handshake. 

 "Likewise. So, you are the famous yoga instructor these two go on about?" He asked, with a twinkle in his bright blue eyes. "I must confess, I find yoga a peculiar activity but with it helping Torvi's flexibility while we…."

 Torvi smacked his shoulder, making the men around the table laugh. "Ignore him, Kari. I don't know why I bring him out in public."

 "Hey!" He pulled her closer and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. "You love me."

 "Mmm…. most days."

 At that point, Kari looked up to peek at the others sitting at the table, ready to greet and then head out. Except the first thing she saw was a pair of stunning blue eyes that captured her gaze. Unable to move or look away, as if he was physically restraining her with only his gaze, her heart soared and stomach dropped simultaneously. 

 It was only when Gyda started to introduce the others at the table that she ripped her gaze from his, all the while feeling his eyes never leaving her. 

 "Let me introduce these other assholes quick. At the head of the table is Uncle Floki, and the two idiots across from us are Bjorn and my half-brothers, Hvitserk and Ivar."

 Hvitserk greeted her with a flirty smile on his boyish face; while the strange-looking man, Floki, just gave a single nod in acknowledgement.  

 "We've already met," Ivar said with a wicked smirk, letting his eyes blatantly trail over her form while he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, "isn't that right, kitten?"

 Kari hated how just from the sound of the pet name, her heart beat increased traitorously and a flush rose to her cheeks. It brought to mind how his hands gripped her hips, caging her to him, how his lips and tongue caressed her skin, the peak of pleasure that crashed over her without warning...and about all the ice cubes and make up she had to use to get conceal the marks and hickeys he decorated her skin with. "Um, yeah, sort of. I…. I didn't catch your name though."

 "It's alright. I can't blame you as we were otherwise…. preoccupied." The blue-eyed devil teased, either uncaring or not noticing the inquisitive looks from the others at the table. It was unfair how striking he looked in a simple black t-shirt, showcasing his broad shoulders and muscular arms that were award-worthy. 

 Mortification was the best description of emotion causing Kari to further flush but also avert her gaze to the food-laden table. For some reason she figured the likelihood of her ever meeting Ivar again was slim to none. Clearly they ran in different social circles and really they had no reason to bump into one another. Apparently universe, fate, whatever decided her life was going too well and decided to throw a curveball at her. Then to make matters worse, here he sat arrogantly and alluding to what occurred between them in front of his family. 

 It had not gone unnoticed by her that Gyda mentioned Ivar was her half-brother, making her a Lothbrok too, even if she did not go by that last name. 

 Kari peered around the table, a polite smile on her face in a poor attempt to mask any further revealing thoughts. "Well, it was lovely to meet you all but I need to be going." 

 "You sure you don't want a ride?" Gyda kindly offered again, already reaching over to grab her own purse. "It's not a problem." 

 "No, stay. The bus should be here in a couple minutes. Your food is getting cold."

 Gyda opened her mouth to say something, then seemed to reconsider and instead gave her a quick embrace. "Ok, I'll stop by the studio this week and we can catch up."

 "I'll hold you to that." Kari returned the hug; her body tingled as if bugs crawled all over skin making her want to flee the restaurant even faster. With a hurried "goodbye" to everyone else, trying to avoid Ivar's penetrating gaze, she headed out of the restaurant. With the looks she received from the waitstaff and patrons, she quickened her pace, feeling like an intruder in the lavish establishment. 

 Soon as she stepped outside, back onto the busy sidewalk and warm sun, she inhaled a deep breath. A part of her felt awful for how quickly she ditched Gyda, who had only ever been kind to her. Truthfully, she had wanted to meet Bjorn because of the stories both Gyda and Torvi shared. 

 All of that had been eclipsed by the sight of the man she had made-out with over a week ago in that dark club…. Ivar Lothbrok.  

 Never aloud would she admit how often she thought about him since their encounter. Yet she knew it was best to stay away from him, ever if a part of her fought the notion. It would be safer, for both of them. 

 Now suddenly coming face-to-face with him, her emotions warred within her as to how she should feel. 

 Her feet hurried along the sidewalk, worried she would miss her bus because of her detour in the restaurant….and maybe a piece of her needed to put distance between herself and the handsome, cocky man that plagued her thoughts. At the crosswalk, she practically bounced on her toes, willing the light to change color faster. Her mind whirled with the new information of Gyda's relations. Could they still be friends? It also answered her unspoken question of where the wealth came from that Gyda and Torvi were accustomed too. The Lothbroks may not be a household name but it was certainly known in the business world, especially since the many sons had stepped up and expanded its empire. 

 Without warning, a firm hand grabbed her upper arm, whipping her around. A shriek stuck on the tip of her tongue at the unexpected action. She turned to be greeted by a stunned pair of eyes and open mouth. 

 "Oh, I'm so sorry, I thought you were someone else." The flustered man said, retracting his hand from her and rubbing his beard with it self-consciously. "No wonder you didn't answer when I called…. I thought you were ignoring me. Are you OK? I'm so sorry again. "

 She placed a hand over her chest, heart hammering almost painfully. The man appeared so concerned about scaring her, it was endearing. "It's fine. You just startled me, I guess I was thinking too hard."

 He shuffled his feet for a moment, looking down at them before looking up again. "I'm Daniel, by the way."

 "Kari."

 "You headed, ah, to the bus stop too?"

 A genuine smile touched her lips as he sided up next to her amongst the crowd of others waiting to cross the street. "Yeah, actually. Just got off work."

 "Hey! What a coincidence. I plan on going home, eating whatever is in my fridge that doesn't have mold on it yet and sitting on the couch watching TV for at least the next three hours."

 "That sounds amazing. I may have to steal that idea."

 He turned to face her, placing his hand on her shoulder, and stared at her in mock seriousness that made her giggle. "I give you full permission, no need for thievery. And don't eat something healthy, it's a perfect night for gluttony."

 Before she could respond with her own quip, someone grabbed Daniel from behind, throwing him to the ground. Bystanders barely made it out of the way as Daniel just caught himself on his hands and knees. 

 "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER!"

 Kari stared in horror as Ivar loomed over Daniel, fists clenched and eyes blazing. Everyone nearby drew back, creating a wide circle and warily watching the fight that was threatening to happen. 

 "Ivar, stop!" Kari tried to move between the two men but he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back behind him effortlessly. 

 Daniel hesitantly got up, scraped hands held up in surrender. "Sorry, man. I swear I wasn't trying to make a pass on your girl. Just making conversation."

 "Sure. Now fuck off and don't let me fucking see you around her again." He seethed; the words spat out from between clenched teeth. 

 Eyeing Ivar as if he expected the man to suddenly attack him again, Daniel started walking away in the opposite direction, casting occasional glances over his shoulder. 

 At this point the light for the crosswalk turned green and those bystanders waiting began to move, all the while still leaving a wide berth around Ivar and Kari. Though she tried to ignore them, she could not help but catch a few looks of concern and pity directed towards her. 

 Pulling away from the arm still around her waist, Kari made to cross the street when Ivar grabbed her wrist. 

 "Where are you going?" He demanded, lingering fury coloring his tone.

 "My bus is just up there. I need to go or I'll miss it."

 "No, I'm giving you a ride home."

 "What? No, I don't need…. I told Gyda it's fine."

 He scoffed, relinquishing his hold on her wrist. "I'm not doing this for Gyda, now come on."

 "No, really, I…."

 "It wasn't a suggestion."

 Equal parts dumbfounded and angry, she looked back up the street only to see the doors of the bus closing. She closed her eyes for a second, begging for patience and understanding. What she really wanted to do was ignore Ivar and walk away, find somewhere to wait for the next bus. But if Ivar had followed her from the restaurant and was now demanding he give her a ride home, she figured he would not be beyond dragging her over to his car, or whatever he rode in, and continuing to make a scene. It made no sense why he would follow her to offer a ride or attack a random man. She wondered if this was the Ivar Lothbrok that her friends warned her about. 

 Deep down, she found herself still wanting to be around him again. To see if the man she met at the club was the real him or just a mask…. plus, she hated to wait for the next bus. There was a creepy lady that liked to sit next to her and tell her about the latest escapades of her many gerbils or the newest “friend” her adult son brought home for the night. 

 "Fine." She stated, turning back to him. 

 "Good girl. This way."

 Silently, she followed him back towards the restaurant and down the next street to a luxury Mercedes car. In her mind, she decided that just because she was getting a ride from him did not mean she had to be friendly. Her plan was to ignore him and stare out the window. Hopefully that was enough of a hint to leave her alone. He was the one who chased her down to give her a ride. His infuriating actions may have spurred her pettiness to supersede the wisdom of ignoring him, especially knowing he was a Lothbrok. 

 The driver held the door open for both of them to slide in. The bench seat was spacious with a detailed leather interior and that unique new card smell. Another time, Kari may have loved to ride around in a vehicle like this, pretending to be a celebrity or someone important. Now she just wanted to get home. Even if that traitorous part silently ogled him, an arm’s length away from her. 

 "Where to, sir?" The driver asked once he took his seat in the front. 

 Then with an arrogant smirk, Ivar rattled off Kari's address. 

 Kari's plans to ignore him flew out the window. She stared open-mouthed as he leaned back in the seat, brace-covered legs spread out obnoxiously. The first real trickle of fear since meeting him danced up her spine. 

 "How? I mean…. are you…. stalking me?"

 He laughed, cocking his head to the side, to eye her lazily. "You're harder to track down than most people. No social media really. Pay most things with cash. It's like you're trying to hide something."

 She gulped, the revelation he could find out all that about her so easily was unnerving. But his last statement hit a little too close to the truth to bring her comfort. 

 "But it wasn't too difficult." He added brazenly, apparently ignorant of the anxiety his prior statement caused. "And now I found you." 

 "Why? I mean… why were you looking for me?"

 He stared at her, those predatory eyes prying into her soul. She shifted awkwardly, wishing to be free from his gaze but unable to tear herself away on her own accord. Caught in his trap, his web, all she could hope for was mercy. Unconsciously, her eyes drifted down to view his lips, the memory of them against hers at the forefront of her mind…. even more than the anxiety still skating on her nerves. 

 In an instant, he reached over and hauled her across the bench seat and into his lap. A squeak flew from her as she abruptly found herself sitting sideways on his legs. 

 As her mind raced to figure out what to do, and honestly how to feel about this, his lips descended on hers and all prior thoughts vanished. His tongue invaded her mouth, forcing hers to comply, demanding attention. Without hesitation, she gave in. Her hands traced his sideburns and the braids on the top of his head. No matter how many times she tried to forget his touch, his kisses, it haunted her. Now having his lips on hers once again, she found even her memories were incomparable to the actual feel, of his lips, his hands, his breath, his body, his scent. It all drew her in like a beacon, directing her to her greatest desire and darkest temptation. 

 "All I can think about is you." He murmured, his tongue tracing her bottom lip. "Fuck…. how good you taste, how good you feel…. I could barely focus on work."

 "Ivar…" she moaned, feeling herself melting under his touch. As he pressed kisses along her jawline, a quiver ran through her but instead of feeling ashamed like before, she tilted her head to expose more of her neck. Normally so reserved with physical touch, for some unexplainable reason, she felt safe enough to embrace her wanton side with him. Somehow, she knew he would not make fun of her actions. Perhaps it was because of his reaction when finding out her virginal status. All she knew was his touch, his very presence, drew forth a side of her previously unknown while making her feel safe. 

 His hands gripped her with an almost possessive hold. "Gods, I want you." He groaned against her pulse point, the sound wicked with the sheer desire infused in it. 

 And for some reason, those three words broke the spell holding her hostage to him. 

 She froze. Slowly she leaned back to stare at him. The truth, the confession, tasted like poison on the tip of her tongue. 

 "I…. I can't." She whispered, hating how weak her voice sounded. 

 "What are you talking about?"

 "I won't…. I'm not having sex with you."

 What lust and tenderness towards her vanished in the blink of an eye. His hands that had been caressing, now gripped painfully. Eyes that beheld her as a goddess, now threatened to cut her without remorse. The very air between them threatened to catch fire with a single spark due to the tension. 

 "Why not? Cause I'm a cripple?" He snarled at her like an enraged animal. "You'll kiss me and let me get you off but you won't fuck me? Or did your friends tell you who I am? Is that it? Now that you know who I am, you're going to run away?"

 "No, it's not… no, I don't think I'm the kind of girl you'd want." Tears welled in her eyes, both from fear and the physical pain he was causing with his forceful grip. 

 "And what the fuck does that mean? You know me so well, huh?"

 That poisonous truth dripped off her tongue once again. How could she tell him that if he truly knew who she was, he would reject her? It was not even a question but a fact. It was better for both of them to stay away, to never see one another again. How twisted was her truth, how deceptive was she in the face of a man known for his violence. Even as her innermost being begged to let go of her past self and embrace this…. embrace him.  

 "I'm nobody. I'm boring. I don't have money or influence. I just am…. You'd get tired of me in like two days." She took a steadying breath, her hands fiddling in her lap as to avoid his piercing gaze. The lilac color on her nails was starting to chip at the edges, redirecting her attention for a brief second. Even if all she wanted to do was run, avoid this conversation like the plague, she knew in a way, she owed him the truth. Her next words came out in a rush, otherwise she knew they would never pass her lips. "And I don't want to have sex until I'm ready and with someone who cares about me."

 She wondered if this was the spark to set him off. How quickly he would reject her, push her off his lap, laugh in her face for her orthodox ideal, call her frigid like others before. Mentally, she prepared for it, even if every time the words were still a dagger to her heart. This time would be no different. 

 What she did not expect was after almost a minute of painful silence, for him to gently grip her chin and turn her head to face him once again. 

 "Go on a date with me."

 She balked. "What?"

 He stroked her cheek, his hand that had been gripping her thigh, most likely leaving vivid bruises, now created soothing circles. It was his voice that shocked her the most. What had been harsh and unrelenting in cruelty now was soft and gentle. "Let me take you out. I'll even follow your damn rule of no sex. Though I know you want me just as much."

 "Ivar…."

 "You can't deny it." He taunted, with a devilish grin, "You like the idea of me touching you, bringing you pleasure, showing you what you've been missing with my fingers," teasingly, he glided his fingers along her inner thigh, close to her core, "and my tongue," he licked the shell of her ear before whispering the next part, "and my cock. Tell me you haven't thought about it."

 Her breath hitched with each movement of his, his filthy words making her wet without her conscious approval and the cocky bastard knew it. "I…. please stop…." She tried to plead, only to make him laugh. 

 "Stop lying to both of us."

 "Please, don't do this. I just can't."

 "Why not?" Jaw tense, he regarded her with a look of pure hunger but also exasperation. "Give me a damn good reason."

 "It's better if we don't."

 He leaned back fully in his seat as if examining her. That devious and deadly gaze pinned her, reading her very thoughts and secrets. Beneath it she felt vulnerable and naked, something she detested. She tried to squirm out of his lap, to put necessary distance between them. His hands only tightened on her, keeping her restrained in his lap. 

 "It's not…" he started then stopped to lick his lips. And there it was, a glimpse behind the mask, that vulnerability she caught a peek of when they were at the club, "...because I'm a cripple?"

 "What? No, not at all. That doesn't…. no, you're beautiful." Soon as the last word left her mouth, her absolute shock at his question morphed into humiliation. Both of her hands flew up to cover her face, burning with embarrassment.

 "Beautiful, huh?"

 "Shut up."

 He chuckled, running his nose along the column of her neck and sending a shiver down her spine. "And you still won't go on a date with me?"

 Cautiously, she eased her hands from her face to meet his amused gaze. "I'm sorry." She replied with a shake of her head. 

 He eyed her as if trying to suss out more of her secrets, head tilted to the side and eyebrows furrowed slightly. After a long moment, he smirked. "Alright. We'll see about that."

 "What?"

 "You heard me. You'll change your mind eventually. I can be very persistent with something I want."

 With a push of a button on a nearby console, loud music filled the air but he did not release her. Instead, he continued to stroke her back or legs as he gazed out the window. Every time she tried to squirm out of lap, he would tighten his grip on her hip or thigh, silently demanding she remain. Finally, she gave up and relaxed against him, enjoying his soothing touches and the warmth of his body. 

 Ivar Lothbrok was the most complicated man she had ever met. Just in the past hour, she witnessed him go from cocky to murderous to sensual and now dare she even say…. charming. It baffled her that he purposefully sought her out, even if it was stalker-ish. That he wanted to go on a date with her, knowing she would not put out at the end for him. Her image of him and the one painted by her friends were so vastly different…. she wondered which one to believe. Not that it truly mattered, since they would not be seeing each other after this. She could not open that door. It was better this way. 

 She was disheartened when they reached her home. The way their bodies fit perfectly together, how comforting his touch and presence was, it was unnerving and intriguing. A small part of her wished the drive was longer so they could continue remaining in this bubble of illusion. That she could soak this feeling up just a bit more, for something to hold onto when she was alone. How life could have been between them if fate was different. 

 The driver pulled up the luxury car in front of the unoccupied, short driveway. With no car there, that meant her roommate was not at the townhouse. Probably for the best, since if Alana had seen Kari getting out of a vehicle with Ivar, she would have lost her shit. 

 "Come on… tonight." He whispered into her ear, entwining their fingers, those exquisite eyes begging for her to change her mind. "Let me take you out, kitten."

 "I can't…. but we can be friends... if you want." 

 Soon as the words left her mouth, she cringed. What kind of stupid thing was that to say? She needed to stay away from him, she knew it. But seeing that last hopeful gleam in his eyes and the despair that replaced it as she told him 'no' once again…. it was too much. 

 A cocky smirk slowly spread on his lips, like he knew something that she was not privy to. He laid a kiss on the back of their entwined hands. "If you say so."

 Carefully, he helped maneuver her off his lap, and out of the vehicle, his hands grazing over her hips and thighs quickly. She turned around and raised an eyebrow, for him to only stare at her in an innocent expression. Instead of being upset, like she should have been, she just rolled her eyes and unsuccessfully tried to keep the smile off her lips. 

 "Um, thanks for the ride." 

 "Yeah. See you soon…. friend." With a teasing wink, he closed the door and a second later, the vehicle pulled away. 

 She watched the car drive away and wondered why the word 'friend' left a sour taste in her mouth.