#and while i knew this would happen it doesnt change the fact that im so fucking resentful about it

[arytha]

i hate how the cheapest and most filling lunch item i can get at work is the fried deli food. less than $3 to keep me fed for the entire day vs $7-8 sandwich or $6-8 salad

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

I'm up way later than I need to be and listening to music while I draw and this song gives me SUCH Sabo feelings and I would love to hear your opinions!! (Never Love An Anchor by The Crane Wives)

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Y07xArvIvjw&si=ffMbMHTWuHHnxY2C

You dare bring. The Crane Wives. Into this peaceful household.

Never Love an Anchor no less.

RELATING THE SONG TO THE BLORBO FROM MY SHOW NO LESS

The audacity.

Anyway.

Yeah it makes me think about how Sabo left Ace and Luffy on his own accord at the end. Of course it was a last resort but he left them because he knew that this was the only way for them all to be free.

He left knowing that he would probably not see him until they were 17. Or maybe even never again.

He left them so that they could be safe. Because as long as long as he was with him, as far as he could see, hands would still try to claim him, resulting in the ones he loves getting hurt.

There was no winning for Sabo or any of them. As long as he tried delaying the inevitable, it just never would have happened.

He had to give up what he loved so he could keep it.

And then after he regains his memories, him thinking how much he’s changed. His claws might hurt the one he loves so dearly, even though at this point he doesnt even know him anymore. What if when Luffy finds out that he was alive, it only hurts him deeper. Knowing that there was someone who would have made a difference that day wasnt there. Reliving not only that day in the moment of reuniting, but the say he lost Sabo, too.

I dont find it strange that Sabo didnt try to reunite with Luffy until dressrosa. And in fact i think that reuniting with luffy is something he did as an absolute last resort. I think he truly didnt want to meet him that day at all.

In the anime alone, it doesnt much show it, but in the manga and the Episode of Sabo his hesitance and nerves are really clear to me. He takes a second before he starts walking to talk to luffy. His hand is clutched and shaking. He walks as slowly as he can. And also he only does it after he knows that Luffy cant get the fruit.

They both need that fruit safe. An heirloom of their precious brother, the only thing they have left that can life on from him.

If Luffy could’ve finished that tournament, im fairly certain Sabo would’ve never revealed himself.

I think he feels like he might hurt luffy if he did, but i also think that he didnt feel he deserved it. To reunite with Luffy after all that time. After all that happened.

Going back to the song, the lyrics

“So, I did the only thing that i could And severed the rope to set you sailing from my harbor.”

Even though it was Sabo who went sailing from the harbor, what he was doing was sever the rope from his connections with luffy and Ace so that they could grow and be free without worrying about being held back by him and the weight of his life keeping him suffocating at the bottom of the harbor he’s being drowned in.

If sabo had successfully left Goa that day, and he had reunited with Ace or Luffy somewhere down the line, i think he would act the same way he did in dressrosa that day. I think he would feel his baggage is too much, someone could be after him. And he wouldnt want to reunite. Especially after how he left them.

To me, that letter didnt read as a “i hope i see you again”, but a “goodbye forever”. Which i mean,,,, it was one, at least in Ace’s case, so … 🤷‍♀️ kill me

Anyway, the sentencing of your crimes of Crane Wives-ing me will be capital punishment, i hope you understand.

Thanks for the ask!

[ganondoodle]

i might have already talked about this but i honestly cant remember if i did or if its one of my totk thoughts that keep haunting me in my head (and god knows how id find it on tumblr)

.. did they ever say how long link was gone for? like at the start? bc to me it feels like it must have been months or something given how some things are .. although others are the opposite

like the spypost alone is so weird to me, its a goddamn stupid place to put it, a SPYpost should either be concealed or in a hard to reach place with good look of the environment around it- which it doesnt have at all (despite higher up hills being right around the corner ...), who would put a spy post directly on flat ground at the castle doors?? (AND in a place where i think would have been the ONLY good place to put nothing there/dont change it- or have it bee a secret entrance into the castle you can find on your own .. if the castle was actually like a dungeon and inaccessible for the most time ...) makes even less sense if it was built before link disappeared bc wh- .. whats its purpose anyway? the calamity is gone and instead of rebuilding castle town or soemthing nearby you put the words least sensical spypost right at the front of the castle thats a dead dirty lump of rock (yes i know zelda mentions soemthing of the miasma being active or whatever but that changes nothing abotu how little sense thing darn thing makes to me .. ) (i will stand by my idea of rebuilding the ranch ruins into a little hub and tavern instead, a spypost can be a smaller thing higher up but that as a little new town and maybe with my personal little wish of having all your horses run around a ranch, of course its got little defense, this is a ranch and the calamity was gone and its not that close to the castle, its also rather in the middle of the map and a bigger wider area would be hard to miss, plus its using an old neat reference and making something meaningful out of it, soemthing this game is allergic to im- *breathes in* fine.)

death mountain, i assumed at least, cooled down with the cataclysm (.. way too serious sounding for .. largely just some pebbles falling from the sky) and it seems like theres alot of stuff built on there and even grass growing and everything, like its been that way for a long time, yunobo being dumbified by brainwash mask and the things he does also dont feel like they happen in a day or two

the other regions on the other hand ... ignoring how mcuh of a non issue the rito problem is (the oooooh blizzard doesnt even stop them from flying ..... its not freezing them either bc none of them wear any more clothes and just do business as usual .. but then food is supposed to be a problem? .... you .. you can fly ..... ... why wasnt the boss then a monster that eats everything of the region or soemthing ... a big ol worm razing entire forest, or .. you know, make the blizzard an actual problem, winds so strong you cant fly, temperature so low you freeze immediately without special armor), are just .. dealing with it themselves? and dont seem to even seek out the help of anyone else? like it literally just happend?

but then theres entire sonau research teams and people studying it but .. all the shit started to appear with the cataclysm ... so???? though zelda at the start talks about it like its been a well known every day life fact that the acnient stupid furry first king of gods holy lands was called rauru and he was a sonau (WHICH NO ONE KNEW ANYTHIGN ABOUT THE LITERAL ONYL THING KNOWN WAS THE ARMOR SET IN BOTW THAT ALSO DOESNT MATCH ANYTHING AT ALL TOTK SONAU) and his fridge wife was sonia like its just written in every history book and still somehow accurate (might i remind you its been MORE than TEN THOUSAND YEARS sicne then and nothign was known of them in botw) while no one remembers link from a 100 years ago, nor from 6 years ago, but then remembered the champions for the 100 year botw gap and then promptly forgot about them in totk (it really feels like that) BUT THEN you got kids in school that dont fking believe the calamity happend (which was defeated just like 6 years before that)

then again .... theres not a single soul on the sky islands, despite there, NOW more than ever, multiple ways to get up there, are you telling me everyones obsessed with the stupid sonau shit and then no one even tries to go up there??? arguing that it wasnt accessible until noodle zelda broke through the clouds at the end of the tutorial doesnt work bc those ruins already fell down, people must have known and no one even tried?? also they can go up there after it go opened up?? plus clearly the ruins were able to fall through also ... what even determines whether an island falls down or not? why do some fall when tHe dEmON kInG wakes up? you see it with those green sonau magic stuff but like .... who ... did that, both rauru and mineru were dead when zelda noodlefied herself and there everything was STILL on the ground? the only magical thing the constructs do is use fuse sometimes i dont think they can lift up all that shit .. clearly is wasnt rauru either bc he acts surprised about it being up here, but why does it falter when big il ganon man wakes up? mineru after the weird static non battle with ganondorf wasnt doing so hot and we have no idea how much time passed between that and the moment she goes into the purah pad (i could be annoying about that as well) either

in taburasa (tarrey town) they do all that shit with the sonau stuff, implying theres enough time that passed to make people tinker with it too so ?(though i still hate that bc its so .. shouldnt you of all people be scared of more techy bs materializing when the whole calamity is like back almost exactly like it was before? not even suspicious? no? you dont even know how it works yet everyone trying to work with it like there isnt anythign better to do??)

like with everything in this game it keeps contradicting itself, the inconsistency makes me want to rip my hair out anytime i try to make sense of it

[morally-earl-gray]

✨crisis time✨ pt. 4

so um. i have no idea whats going on with me. BEAR WITH ME, this is gonna be my last rant for the next little while (unless something completely fucked up happens, yk)

im having doubts about my sexuality again. i came out as aroace (only to one irl person, but i also started posting on this blog) a few weeks ago, and its been pretty good since then. BUT i just remembered something that made me question EVERYTHING

when i was in elementary/middle school, i had no crushes whatsoever. nothing. i didnt know about asexuality and aromantism back then, so i just assumed that i would find someone eventually, or that i was just a late bloomer. my friends and i never talked about crushes (i didnt know it at the time but half of them are gay), and it never crossed my mind that i might be queer because i had never really stopped to think about it.

when i was ~12, i heard the term "asexual" for the first time. it crossed my mind that that could be me, but i didnt think about it much because i didnt really think it was important, and i was still holding out for The Feelings to kick in

PLOT TWIST:

i almost forgot about this until now, but im pretty sure i was lesbian?? (CONFESSION TIME: ive never admitted this to anyone for a lot of reasons, so this is very scary for me) when i was 14-15, i got a crush on this girl. i had known her for my entire life and had never had feelings like that before (for her or for anyone). it was weird and i never told her or anyone else ofc, because my family is homophobic and shes straight (probably). we started high school and the feelings kinda started to fade ig? occasionally something would happen and The Feeling would return, but by the next spring, i had zero feelings for her.

now i know what this sounds like: doesnt this mean im demiromantic? that would make sense, right? and thats what i thought, too.

but then i remembered something else:

for kinda that whole year (when i was 15), i was like 96% sure i was lesbian. there were other girls i occasionally thought about, and i barely knew them but i think it was a crush?? additionally, whenever i met a girl my age i would get silly thoughts like "maybe shes gay" or "maybe she'll be The One I Get Feelings For" and basically i knew i was lesbian.

but now i dont feel anything, not even for girls. im now 96% certain that i am aroace, but whenever i remember being 15 i get really confused. and its not in a "i told myself i had crushes on girls because i wasnt interested in guys so i must be lesbian and didnt realize i was actually aro" way. im pretty sure that was LEGIT

i had a moment of epiphany when i realized that i was aroace, and i was VERY MUCH CERTAIN of the fact. but i dont doubt that i was lesbian.

i have no idea if this is a thing that can happen, but i think my sexuality changed?? all i know is that i used to like girls but now i dont have feelings for anyone. theres a chance that im just demiromantic, but for some reason i dont think so??

anyways, if anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated

[angy-grrr]

thoughts:

Himiko Toga never chose a villain name because she has always been the monster and demon for others, internalizing it. But also because she isnt trying to be someone else, but proudly show herself and her love -AFO exploited this to reaffirm the previous, so she never even realized she could give her blood for others.

Ochako Uraraka's goal and arc isn't finished until we see a few main points: "who will save heroes?" A discussion about heroism and saving, and I wouldnt be too surprised if saving villains also come up here as a developed version of the first. They are all people, and that's what matters over their assigned roles. "Himiko Toga". Where is she? Ochako's arc can't be finished until we see or hear what ended up happening. "What does she feel about it all?" She needs a resolution and express her feelings, and with the hiding she has done recently I cant help but wonder even more about Himiko's state, as she is the person who makes Ochako feel safe enough to talk about her thoughts. And lastly"You like him, dont you?" What will happen with her love for Izuku? Is she going to hide it, confess, talk about it more with Himiko? I still think about "the reveal" during her fight with her, and her hair covering her whole face... It could be because she "needs" to tell and show her whole face to Izuku*. I would prefer it another way tho

*She said she admires Himiko for being able to say her feelings and love who she does with her whole face, if I remember correctly, while remembering an Izuku who is looking somewhere (someone?) else smiling. I believe its important that she doesnt have her face shown there, but we still dont have a clear reason why. Is she just not able to show that love to Himiko because she hasn't shown Izuku first? Is it because she no longer feels it? In the next panel she says shes now going to stop her, we can see her face, and her mouth is covered in blood. Is it because their battle was never about him? Because she is ashamed of those feelings? Because she doesn't want to engage in them?

With chapter 425 taking us by surprise because of her first interaction with Midoriya after the war, I prefer to think she has her hair covering her face because she still can't be honestly herself with him. Partially? Yes completely, but she can't tell him her feelings like with Himiko.

I hope she expresses her feelings to the class, to her parents, her friends, the civilians... but I really don't think a confession to him and him only would solve anything.

She doesn't want or can't chase him and his feelings like with Himiko; Izuku is acting weird, upset about many things, and she doesn't see that, im sure she would have tried to help if she actually knew. Even tho she looks around to find a crying Himiko, she doesn't try to do the same now, and in fact rejects it; she decided her feelings are not for him or others to see, at least at the moment.

So how does Hori plan to change this in such little time? Is Izuku going to chase after her, when thats what he has always done with everything he wants? Doesn't he deserve to be chased back? Doesnt she deserve the right to decide how much of herself she wants to reveal to him? Or mourn the loss in her own terms, in case Toga's dead or she thinks she is?

With her feelings for both Midoriya and Toga she has tried to put heroism first, focus only on that; with the first one because she fails at her goals and just blindly imitates him without finding herself, and the second one because she shouldn't feel that way and questions herself over those quite frequently.

I have no idea if Horikoshi plans to make her put her feelings first for him over heroism like she did with her -risking it and acting against what a hero "should" do so they can both just be Himiko Toga and Ochako Uraraka.

I have no idea, but it would make me so sad if he did.

EDIT:

In chapter 424 we see Shoto first in the hospital, when the narration explains things cant be as simple as Deku thought as a kid. Then Ochako appears, with her arm over her stomach probably thinking about her fight. It can't end so easily, and I wouldnt be surprised if chapter 427 or 428 was about them.

Fun thought: what if Himiko is the one about to see Spinner? jkjkjk. It could be cute tho.

[radiostaticsmile]

Do any other fictionfolk have an experience where fandom interpretation of you used to be pretty accurate and you maybe liked seeing fan works but then and extremely popular fanfic changed everyones perception of you and now everyone writes you based on that rather than interpreting canon and now is far less accurate?

Especially in a painful or insulting way. I know a lot of fictionfolk avoid fandom anyways so I dont know how common this is.

but I used to love portrayals of myself and would see write ups on the character I am (dont want to say my name so i dont wind up in fandom tags) that felt like they somehow broke into my head and KNEW me. A lot of it could be painful but it was painful because its true. They understood i was cruel but based it on a moral code or reacted out of fear and paranoia while trying to look in control, at least some people did anyways. Now the only portrayal of me tends to involve not passionate hate for feeling like i was wronged towards the person i love which came up before and i was actually okay with, or pretending to feel nothing to hide the fact that I do care, or even silly not caring about him really which was wrong but fine. Now its all. I actively have Distain for him, but not even in an avoiding him way but actively using him and abusing this person on purpose for fun, having no love for him at all, delighting in making him suffer and not even out of feeling he is a bad person and earned it but just out of wanting to fuck with him because he can. And its.... just so opposite from who i am but close enough to what happened superficially (bc i did hurt this person in my canon) that its not even wrong number its actively painful and feels like. Honestly slandering me and now even I have to avoid nearly all content on this ship which is THE ship that matters to me (extremly important relationship. My partners who are the other character in this had to avoid it sometimes anyways since the accurate portrayal of the pain i caused still hurt but i tended to be okay with it or like it bc i tended to think abiut how despite this wr worked it out).

It doesnt have to be like that but im just having the experience of being wildly misunderstood when I didnt used to be and im wondering if others relate

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

[pupuyvs]

hi 👋🏼 im back after rereading the update and other peoples ask lol and sorry for the long rant but i just gotta get these thoughts out 😅 so while i dont agree with what chaewon did, i do agree with 😎 and i get where chaewon is coming from. chaewon said she saw herself building a future with jihye but that was crushed when jihye revealed that she'll be moving away for college - away from chaewon. from chaewons pov it seems like she was the only one thinking long term while jihye was only thinking about this year. and because jihye hadnt given her a heads up on her college choice, it seems like jihye just wanted to be together for the rest of the year and not long term like chaewon. because while jihye was jealous about yeonjun, chaewon was always reassuring her that it was only until prom and she won prom queen (her original plan when finding out prom queen was a thing and WAY before she even knew jihye existed) and then it would all be over and it would just be her and jihye. and every time jihye said she understood (though she was still jealous, she would tell chaewon she was okay every time chaewon would give her a heads up about posting something about her fake relationship with yeonjun). so again chaewon was thinking past senior (long term) and to her it seemed like jihye was too until jihye dropped the bomb about where she was going to college, then now to chaewon it seems like she was the only one picturing their relationship lasting. idk about you but i would be hella hurt if it seemed like me and my partner were on the same page about our future only to be caught off guard with the fact that we arent, so i get why chaewon is so hurt by that.

and i 100% agree with 😎 that chaewon running to jihye would be outta character and her changing who she was did start with dating jihye. but a change as big as not caring about reputation and what others think of you, and growing and releasing yourself from the influences that you grew up with and are ingrained in your mind dont just happen over night. and i think thats where chaewon and ning are different. chaewon met jihye this year and started dating her too (kinda going against what the norm is for people of her status). now ning and karina started dating this year too but ning has had liked karina since forever (i dont think you really specified but im gonna assume probs since she transferred from china so freshmen year) and she has publicly said it but no one believed her because of their different statuses financially and popularity wise. so chaewon really had just this year to try and change while ning had years and was probs fed up with people never believing her to be serious just because she came from money and karina didnt. now when chaewon and jihye fought, and karina breaks up with ning thats when that difference kicks in. chaewon doesnt want to take the risk because she has more to lose than ning. while ning is probs done with everyone telling her her feelings arent real just because the girl she likes isnt rich. and on top of that, ning and karina did date and ning got to be with the girl shes liked since freshmen year but then karina breaks up with her because of her friends - the same people telling ning her feelings arent real. so of course that pushes ning over the edge and she chooses karina over her friends because to her, she'd rather lose that all instead of karina. but chaewons character isnt there yet. yes chaewon was changing for the better with jihye but sadly they didnt have enough time with all the stuff going against them (yena, chaewons dad and friends, and senior year ending) and i think for me thats kinda what makes this angst hurt a even more.

probs in the minority but i am still team chaewon. i believe my girl can overcome this ✊🏼🙂‍↕️

-🦖

first off yall gotta stop apologizing for leaving long asks like this i dont think yall realize how happy it makes me to see ppl analyze the characters i wrote this much

like i legit read every asks especially ones like this with a huge ass smile

secondly yes to all of this while what chaewon did is wrong shes also still young and experiencing love in a way she never had before

i also love how u compared ningrina and jichae (are we calling it that?)

cause there are big differences there ning was never fearful of getting caught she made it clear she wanted her outside people chose not to believe her plus she never truly got along with winselle

side tracking from the comparison i think its also important to acknowledge that while jihyes friend group are close because they chose to be chaewons friend group are close due to their parents who are all well rich people so its not a surprise that there is this much animosity between them and even easier for ning to cut them off

back to couple comparisons i love everyone pting out that chaewon never planned for jihye cause thats the truth if yeonjun and aeri never pulled that prank chaewon wouldve never known who jihye was meaning she never got a chance to get over their popularity differences

now one thing i will pt out about their social classes chaewon never really thought about it too deeply if anything she liked jihyes lack of wealth but i think the fact she never thought about it is also a pt of tension in their relationship

when i thought up of the idea i knew i wanted to tie in their social class more because a lot of aus never really wanna touch on it (understandable it can be kinda heavy at times) but i felt it was important to show that that difference is not something small cause while chaewon can imagine a life of her attending *insert expensive college here* because she realistically can jihye cannot not (which ties into the imagining their futures together and what not)

i kinda rambled and idk if it makes sense since im half asleep rn (i will elaborate better tmrw)

to wrap this up: jichae endgame 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[chuchuminn]

just realized its been really really long since i posted (so sorry for being rlly lazy some stuff happened)

new content!!!!!

what if aruji sama was a DEMON??

smth ive been thinking abt!

im gonna come up with smth like whtever

name = ELENORA STEINE (nora, but none are her real name *its actually ____*

age = VERY OLD.

height = might be crazy... 6'2

facts abt nora:

- very bad memory (no she wont remember where her fork from dining went after going to the bathroom but its ok bc shes a grandma /j)

- came from germany (has a slight german accent wowzers)

- doesnt rlly like sweet but likes sweet if theyre not too sweet...??

- though rlly follows the main story of living in the modern world she just moved in recently 😔

- physically, magically, and mentally capable of murdering someone (any weapon works they should just be dead)

- if shes angry at you kill her or youre the one killed!!! waa waa waa. waa waa waa waa.

buh buh backstory!!! before butlers stuff

-----------

Back when DEMONS, HUMANS, and ANGELS still thrived..

"Is there really such a thing as a war anyway? That would never happen."

Nora says, looking at her two best friends, Kium (ANGEL) and Leon (HUMAN).

"Maybe! Theres a chance, y'know?"

Leon says in a cheerful tone, as Kium speaks up.

"I guess there's a chance as well."

"Anyway, aren't you hungry? We've been sitting in this tavern for a while."

All three nod and go get some food.

---------------

BANG!

Rings the sound of crashes and falling debris, scattering on what was once called the Human territory. Nora, Kium, and Leon were all called back to their own races. One thing was sure. It was war. Noone knew why but the lords of all three races. The three friends were all worried for each other.

They were all on the battlefield as well.

CLANG! CLANG!

The sound of swords clashing rang in Nora's ears. Whooshing of magic from demonic mages and angelic powers fly around.

"Oh, curses.. Why do I have to be doing this..- Leon..?!"

Nora sees Leon, collapsed on the ground. He's.. dead. Someone killed him.

"....Isn't this normal, though? Everyone would die someday."

*Kium says, facing Nora. He has tears running down his face, and he points a spear at you.*

"I have to do this, Nora. I'm so sorry.."

*He tried plunging his spear in Nora's body, but she managed to stop him in time, holding the blade. It couldn't be stopped anyway. Bound to be. She threw the double edged spear at Kium, killing him.*

"It's normal.. Right? Normal. Totally normal.."

*Nora fell down om her knees, and sobbed for a while. She returned back after war was over, and spent life until the modern world.*

--------------

butlers stuff abt NORA time!! (the story was rushed i am sorry)

Berrien:

☆ would love to learn her favorite snacks for tea time!!

☆ when shes sick (its possible ok.) he gives her Tea. (tea tea tea tea im like tea tea ooh just like tea tea ooh)

Lono

☆ he will make every single food she wants no matter the time because when shes rlly hungry she walks around to eat something that is probably edible for demons but not for humans

☆ knows all her favorite foods (hmm, let me guess.. nora's fav food is... Meat)

Bastien

☆ woodcarves her favorite things for her (maybe not a whole house but yeah) mistakenly sleeps in her room if he ever changes her bed (beds, right?)

☆ she teaches him sometimes for fighting stuff but again shes old. her bones are becoming nonexistent. every step you hear some cracking (/j)

Haures

☆ tries his very very best to cook for her (spoiler: it lit the kitchen on fire)

☆ decorated the garden with a lot of stuff because nora said she likes them at a really random time (eg: haures, i like ___.)

Fennesz

☆ reads books with nora then nora starts telling him about what happened during the old times when demons and angels had coexisted

☆ sometimes lifts weights with her because she got a bit bored of standing around (wants her muscles a lot)

Boschi

☆ nora asked him to put a giant pating in her room and it went on the ceiling but nora is happy because its still there (its kinda scary)

☆ flower arranging with boschi time every weekend even though nora gets headaches from them

Ammon

☆ when nora saw THAT scene (spoiler warning: the whip thing) she felt pretty bad for him and wanted to explode his mom

☆ constantly reminds nora not to touch the roses even though it won't hurt that much because he still doesn't want to see her hurt

Lucas

☆ scolds her because she doesn't yap when shes bored but actually runs around and ends up getting hurt

☆ wine lovers (theyre drunkards but nora has more tolerance than lucas because she had drinking competitions before)

Lamli

☆ one time nora ate a red mushroom because of hunger and became as silly as lamli

☆ lamli likes playing with frogs but nora would like to dissect them because its interesting

Nac

☆ nora doesnt understand nac and doesnt know why (his way of words make her brain become water)

☆ scolds her a lot for drinking lots of alcohol because he normally finds her throwing up

Miyaji

☆ doctor also, so... also scolds her with lucas for getting hurt a lot (only thing they can agree on)

☆ nora ate his cooking once after drinking the day before and started vomiting a lot (new rule: never let nora eat spicy after drinking)

Lato

☆ braids her hair but it kinda became a big mess but its fine because nora fell asleep

☆ other than miyaji and flure nora is the only one he likes + nora isnt very scared of him just thinks hes silly

Flure

☆ designed a lot of noras clothes because she really doesnt have that many

☆ nora tried sewing clothes with him once and it turned out pretty good but she stabbed herself a ton

Yuuhan

☆ sparred with her once, stopped because she had a stomach ache in the middle (he will try again)

Hanamaru

☆ talks abt his kids a lot to her and she listens while drinking green tea

Teddy

☆ kinda stalks her and has all her information in his notebook

conclusion....

sorry abt less content for villa butlers bc im not rlly familiar with them 😗

planning on making a new au sooner or later when i have time

thankz so much for reading all this pooks

[lets-jam]

1, 7, 16

im gonna do this for 2077, tho if anyone else does one feel free to specify a fandom

1 - the character everyone gets wrong

hmmm a tie for me between alt and goro takemura. alt ranges from like a generic 'good woman' to the far more common evil manipulative bitch which like. id be more upset about but given we get NOTHINGGGGGGG in terms of content for her about her like i cant get TOOO mad... I GUESS. i just certainly think shas far more multifaceted or SHOULD be far more multifaceted than.... whatever the hell we got. like i think theres something interesting with her setup being like 'sharp netrunner who got hired to make something she probably very well knew was... designed to kill people and could and would be used to kill people, who had her 'curiosity take over' (some fact i heard somewhere) but then also chickened out n tried to stop it last minute, and ultimately was one of the first subjects it was used on killing her body and forever changing her entire being, being forced to survive in a cuthroat alien world of no human basis despite still 'thinking' like a human, being even more forever changed by that and like kinda playing with this idea that yeah it is unfortunate that like traumatic shit not of our choosing can like irreparably change us not for the better, and that we can have dignity/human-ness given back to us by being treated as such even if its alien to her now. course like then its... id prefer her story not being so weirdly tied to johnnys as like a girl he happened to be fucking because... she was there i guess. and thats our only like reference point for her. which is all to say she has the potential you know? and alot of people dont... get that imo. for a cyberpunk setting shes really interesting case of how/what gets treated as a human and what we do when we dont have that treatment/what we do when we're given it back smthn smthn at what point does a self end (with memories? with how we're perceived by others? etc etc) but of course we didnt get to deal with any of that cause the game refuses to even ask these questions about johnny in any real fun exploratory way. and shes only in the game cause johnny fucked her and accidentally killed her... so yeah. and then GORO god this is mostly just me beefing with all the fucking idiots horny for this guy and like he gets fics n posts made about him how he would 'abandon arasaka for youuuuuu 😚😚😚' no he wouldnt! you are literally peon trash to him! he was chosen by a god emperor and elevated in his mind! he straight up believes capitalistic order is fine cause who cares doesnt affect him anymore and its a necesarry thing! which i like! hes completely head over heels for his corporation like a true 'samurai' ie serving a lord above everything else, even 'warrior code' if that ever mattered to him. hes been deepthroating the boot for years n loves the taste! he has never once thought in his life that you were his equal, and he has never once thought of you as a friend he sees you as a true means to an end full stop! hes not some secretly good bushido samurai man! which like more people should run with! if he was given a choice between arasaka and your life he would choose arasaka 10 times over like, hes terrible and i like that, everyone else seems to not.

7 - what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

fandom antics have really made me dislike this one complete side character like this person has like 2 lines but caused such fights in the fandom that im like i guess this is real to you. some gay guy and some woman fought over this side characters sexuality and one like made some weird kin claim to posting edits of him and like!!!! sometimes i have to remember people are unwell. it was fun for a time to watch ppl bitch about that for a while n see all the vague posting that or goro for reasons stated above

16 - you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

lmao sex god johnny silverhand. and related to that johnnys hologram being able to physically interact with v outside their body... ppl took like some 'its there for the cinema' stuff where he shoves v and like grabs their hands and ran with it now we have hard light hologram sex everywhere... even tho ppl shouldve just gotten freaky with it and had them like possession mutually masturbating using vs body like them as a single...being, cause again vs body is the only real thing in this equation and id like abit more realism if im going into some silverv smut, but those are few and far between the hologram sex featuring hologram cum and hologram fingering it just bugs me casue like the draw for me at least is they cant interact like normal separate people, nor can they 'feel' as in feel things like normal separate people, nor ARE they normal separate people like their whole setup is weird, they are literally the same person!!!! and i hate it when people dont get weird n creative in those paramaters with what we're given. esp when johnny flat out says 'masturbation is the only way for us to have sex' too. plus i love the draw of not being able to love or live or interact like you want to... famously i love a 'love' that cant be for whatever reason, despite it being there real girl what were you doing at the devils sacrement self report but it did bug me

[crossdressingdeath]

re: your last post. literally i go crazy thinking about how all the companions and everyone else in durge’s life all wanted something from them, but then ultimately the only thing gortash wanted from durge was DURGE. as a person. just them, exactly as they are. and their partnership, in whatever form it happened to take. the fact that durge brings him orin’s netherstone and he doesn’t even take it from them? or ketheric’s? he just wanted to know if the two of them could still be in this together. once he knew they could, there were no more prerequisites. complete memory loss? changes nothing. defying bhaal? changes nothing. holding 2/3 netherstones? fine by him, perfect in fact. he trusts them. and after being told who and what they needed to be by literally every single person in their life, im more surprised durge DOESNT burst into tears at that tbh

It's like, absolutely when the alliance started out Gortash and Durge were using each other. Definitely Gortash initially mostly just thought that having the High Primate of Bhaal's temple and an actual Bhaalspawn on his side was too good an opportunity to pass up. But by the time of the game it's clear that their partnership grew well beyond that point! Durge is Gortash's dearest friend, his one true equal, and having them by his side again is all he wants from them! Gortash has so few expectations of Durge, and while an expectation that they'll be who they were might not be the easiest to bear I think in a lot of ways it would be significantly easier than the party's expectation that they straight up go against their god and creator solely on the grounds that it's the right thing to do. I love the idea of Durge just completely falling apart when they're finally faced with someone whose response to the horrible position they were put in boils down to "I don't care if you reject Bhaal or not, I just care that you're you". And it's especially good because I get the sense that Gortash actually also prefers it if Durge rejects Bhaal! He's not fond of senseless slaughter and he consistently praises Durge's ability to keep the Urge under control; I get the strong impression that he liked and respected them in spite of their connection to Bhaal. But at the end of the day the fact that he prefers them separate from Bhaal isn't really his primary issue. All that matters is that they're still them and in control! Sure, that's made significantly easier by them cutting ties with Bhaal, but... well, he worked with them for probably a good decade with their ties to Bhaal intact. He'd be happy to continue to do so as long as they're still the person he knows, and I feel like after the party basically just brushing off what a huge thing defying the god who literally owns Durge's soul is for them to do it really would make a lot of sense for it to be at this point, faced with someone who really does still love them no matter what, that all the emotions this situation brought to the surface would finally come spilling out for Durge.

[cogbreath]

ngl even tho i had faith in both you and allah that whatever you had done would not be the end of you i WAS worried still so yeah like everyone else is saying i'm also rly glad that you're recovering. congrats on surviving life's bullshit yet again my friend. may the next one maybe be less painful tho bc that did/does not sound like a fun time

jazakallah khair ❤️

and i do wanna apologise for worrying you guys. we all do know that i didnt mean to but i do understand how even when we r aware of that, it can still hurt and be scary to see someone u care about end up in a situation like that and it can be confusing and frustrating cuz of the fact its so clearly not a good thing to do to oneself. but im rlly rlly thankful that despite all that you guys have it in your hearts to be so so gentle and kind to me which seriously means the world to me

im not entirely sure how bad my situation really was, because it's honestly difficult for me to remember how much i actually ended up drinking, my memory is rlly blurry about it but i do know that i did pass out for a while. i wasn't exactly worried at first that i felt that i needed to puke and legit was shocked when i started seeinf it turning red n shit. i wanfed to believe that somehow it was just something i ate that was also red but when i started tasting the taste of iron i Knew. because it seemed to be becoming more and more bloody i was like. "o fuck." i was still aware of ans believing in the resilience of the human body, reminding myself that people have literally survived getting hit with a particle beam in the head, but nonetheless it doesnt change the fact that vomiting blood is something associated with fatal outcomes. i guess honestly it really doesn't matter either way what the true severity of it was and i shouldn't trouble myself too much about trying to figure it out because no matter what, it was a dangerous and bad situation to be in. also im not detailing more now about what happened so as to be shocking or graphic but like i just want to be honest about it so i can help process it and help u guys have more clarity on what happened now that im not as delirious and panicked as i was when it all went down

i wasnt scared to die and honestly no matter what never will be because of the way my brain is wired about the concept of death, but what i was most scared of was that ppl i care about and that allah would be mad at me. so it helps a lot to have that affirmed that nobodys mad at me and nobody thinks that i'm stupid or had it coming

sorry if this is more than u expected as a response, but you guys are some of the only people i can feel comfortable being truly deeply honest with. i dont ever intend to trouble you with things that arent your job to manage and i dont intend to freak people out. but maybe thats not nice to assume thats what anyone is thinking. ily

[snoopyliker]

okay so. still trying to piece this all together before you know its done for me so Pausing the episode heres what im understanding

the santo berço is a town that exists in a place where the membrane is incredibly weak and the reason the people look different is because we know that bodies begin to shift and change when they stay too long in these areas so i believe the gray skin, point ears, and such is a side effect on these people who were once “ignaro” they transform the longer they stay. my thought process at least rn regarding their appearances

the reason the black eyes stood out to me is because during the 6th episode with the fight when they were losing the power checks and theyd lose control and their eyes would get blacker as if consuming them right? and theyd begin to have black tears running down their face. which is really fucking specific so im wondering if the black eyes there is the same type of scenario we’re seeing here. sorta implying some sort of controlled state? or heres the thing they call themselves lucidio? i forgot how to spell it kekw which is im assuming derived from the word lucid and that sorta represents an awareness of a dreaming state. unsure if that plays into something here with their consciousness and awareness of everything it seems

the blacksmith said the tree represents their life in a way and i found it interesting that the trial is this three year thing where when they return they chop down that tree. its like a metaphor for what happens when they choose to stay in santo berço right? this tree is growing their life and when they return its cut its no longer able to continue growing it stays in that state forever now. staying in santo berço is like ending your life the growth of it. and i wonder if thats what its meant to basically mean.

what i found interesting was that the gatekeeper was brought when he was 8 and he remembers his life before santo berço and the fact children can be brought here was really interesting to me because they generally lack a sorta agency when it comes to making decisions? idk if the gatekeeper talks more about his backstory but im assuming he was brought by his parents or guardian to live here. hes 23 now so this town has existed for a Long Time. a fucking while.

what i found interesting was they themselves dont quite understand the maze and treat it as this legend and tale. but it has this thick mist around it which we know to mean an area with a very very weak membrane. which isnt surprising with all of this. but they dont seem to know that themselves. the 5 statues i assumed were the doctors but i havent gotten there yet to where anything is said about them. so im just assuming the 5 guardians are them but the thing is their documents were recent years like 2019 and 2020 and we know FOR A FACT this town has existed way longer. so either the 5 guardians arent the doctors who were doing this project and founded this town and instead someone else OR IT IS THE DOCTORS AND THERES SOME TIME TRAVEL AT PLAY.

they all are relatively aware right like they knew about caprizinha and they knew about other towns nearby and they know how cellphones and the seemingly how different the world is outside their town etc the only real confusing discrepancy is how they bring people. supposedly just asking? and people accept? and stay forever? and are seemingly happy forever? murcilos case was really odd because when we met him he really seemed to love his girlfriend jessica but when asked about her here he said well you know theres other things to life and generally the notion that its fine he doesnt care he left a life behind with no warning to anybody. like it holds so little value? thats where im like okay clearly theres some trickery something isnt adding up for people to just vanish and leave their lives. but again theyre in this town right now and dont seem to be manipulated in any way? they still have that option to leave according to the blacksmith but again they did enter in an unexpected way.

now when they found the town they did pass by a fog where they couldnt see anything except the path and an illuminated way that led them to santo berço so i wonder what exactly happened there. because they were looking for The Cave and instead found this town and its like okay how does that fucking happen. i keep going back to cesars reaction where they were going to enter the forest. the feeling that there was no going back and that shiver.

now i think back to what the doctors were doing and trying to achieve and the major question remains as Why? i wish i had taken photos of all the documents so i can read them all myself again lmao. whats the reason? they live without names just titles they have no technology or electricity they called those things aberrations. why why why why whats the point? how is this town used in an ulterior motive. its not just a town it functions to do something clearly. but what?

ok ima play the episode again ive just been ranting kkkkkk

Still so confused about the old man fml. ik on one of his papers it was written “im the blacksmith” but like was he really? is the symbol burn mark on his back one of those markings the people of santo berço seem to have on their faces the same? do all blacksmiths have that marking on their back? was his tongue cut because he left santo berço? i need to understand how he plays into this meu deus. did he even write that paper? was he just holding it? he clearly knew enough to run down that basement and release subject whatever the fuck

[actualbird]

good morning mr. zak reptillianraven sir! as much as i loved the anniversary card, there are a few cards/events i feel should've happened first before tbh. luke's 2nd personal story and luke's 3rd bday card especially i felt was much needed character development for him to get over his fear of uncertainty, his self-sacrificing nature, and just for him to realize that he is in fact so deeply loved by the people in his life.

good afternoon mx. anonymous anon individual :DD

i totally agree about the 2nd anniversary card needing more development prior to its actual happening, though i personally dont as much agree with the other two you bring up (by 2nd personal story do you mean his blossom chapter (pre-relationship) or his sweet chapter (post-relationship)?).

i spoke at length about his 2nd anniversary card's flaws in this previous ask response, so you can check that out for that card! though for his 3rd bday card......

i get where youre coming from, but i feel as if the central conflict in his 3rd bday card isnt necessarily a fear of uncertainty, nor is it a skewed kind of self sacrifice that he didnt "deserve" to know his parents (even if bits of that were present in his childhood reasoning). it was more of what he says outright, "i feel like a bystander" and his difficulty in connecting with people who are no longer here. this isnt an insecurity, it's more him...fighting with the reality of things while missing his parents, which he admits to, but something (time, death, the sad reality that he cannot interact with them and cannot remember them) is in his way when he wants to feel a deeper connection to them.

like, worded a different way, i think the conflict in this card was him not reaching out for his parents' presence because he didnt know how to, because he knew he'd just face a block or a wall or some kind of distance that would stop him from true connection.

of course, his avoidance of the topic was because he didnt want to make mc sad, which is fear and self sacrifice, yes, but his honesty prevails and that makes sense at this point in their relationship. the main thing driving the story is really luke wanting to get to know who his parents were and what they wanted for him, which is why what mc does is so important: she finds a way for him to understand what hes been wanting to understand for so long.

in this card, him learning that hes loved doesnt come after him getting over a a fear or an insecurity, but it comes after him finally having an avenue to "listen" and almost "communicate" with his parents after their passing.

if that makes sense?? JVSKJDHFSDFDS apologies if it doesnt!!! though of course youre completely valid to have whatever opinions you have on the card, im just explaining my view!!

i do agree with you though that luke's issues run deep. but aside from my gripe with his 2nd anniversary card, im overall rather very satisfied with his character progression and change. it's been a long journey, and he still backslides into bad habits, but it's immensely evident that year 1 luke and year 3 luke are different people. hes getting better, and it shows

thank you for the ask <3 !!

[virtueisdead]

tumblr is the only corporate social im willing to use at this point, purely because of how vastly different it is from its contemporaries, structurally and culturally, but they're very clearly doing something that is quickly turning me away. for lack of less sensitive term, staff is practically gentrifying the platform. (forcing shit from other socials that tumblrs lack of were the only reason i still used it)

given i use spacehey daily, im sure youre already aware that im not a big fan of the contemporary concept of the "social media". i wont go on my whole pedantic/esoteric rant about distinguishing the definition of a social media and a social network because thats a whole other essay for another time and its not worth the argument given im already trying to discuss something else at the moment. (ive literally written a research paper about this because i seriously am that obnoxious about the subject)

so; one of the most substantial changes that happened to social websites in general over the past 2 decades was the introduction of algorithmic feeds. for those unaware, tumblr is in fact the very last major social platform that still doesnt operate (primarily) off of algorithmic content, and this is direly important to the continued use it receives from older bloggers. the majority of people who regularly use tumblr today and have for years are still here because it is the last bastion of chronological dashboards. this also plays a huge role in why theres such a dramatically different atmosphere on tumblr compared to other platforms.

reblogs are literally the only way that things can "go viral". posts do not ever spread if people dont actively decide "i want to share this with my friends" and hit the reblog button, as well if their friends dont think the same. whats especially important is that this system is entirely end-viewer-oriented; it does not particularly favor reactionary content like an algorithm does. on a platform like twitter, any kind of engagement at all (replies, likes, qrts, etc) will be taken by the algorithm as an indication that the post is likely to resonate with people in some way, regardless of whether the post in question is receiving positive or negative engagement, and regardless of whether or not it is thoughtful or warrants that- not to mention how this problem is even further exacerbated by the character limits on microblogging social media platforms like twitter.

so people love tumblr for the fact that posts that you wouldnt share with your friends simply will not garner any popularity most of the time. this fosters a far more unique and interesting community and types of viral content, but youll notice that a little while ago, tumblr quietly added the "for you" page. realistically, nobody who actually has used tumblr since before that tab was added would ever even touch it because it is a spit in the face of what makes people love the platform. but they they knew most people dont vocally give a shit like i do.

the first problem arises when you consider that new users from places like tiktok and twitter will naturally assume the tab was always there and likely use it as their primary means of discovery. they wont learn or understand the way that the proper system tumblr uses of follows and reblogs actually works, which is steadily creating an enormous and frankly insurmountable divide between new and old users of the platform. its already fostering the kinds of passive interaction from people who dont understand tumblr's mechanics that is honestly genuinely harmful to the community overall. people misusing the tools that the platform has due to not understanding their function or assuming similarity to things they already know from other platforms. honestly, this in itself would not even be that much of an issue because we could simply ignore the new users who refuse to make the effort to understand how to use the app and fall for the advertising trap that is the for you page...

but the problem is getting way bigger as tumblr is slowly but surely pushing the "for you" page onto other dashboards. youll see posts with a little "based on your likes" banner at the top crop up more and more. theyre quite literally trying to subtly force an algorithm into place where there wasnt one before. (ive been made aware you actually can turn this off from within an entirely seperate settings menu from the regular one that you open on the notifications screen for some reason?? the fact that i didnt even know this after using tumblr for this long is wild, but it doesnt invalidate my argument in that they turned it on automatically without asking or telling users) its not egregious enough to make me leave yet but its definitely been happening more and more frequently to the point that i am seriously doubting if i should consider continuing to use the website/app. this is the biggest structural issue, but its not the only example of what im talking about where tumblr is trying to pretend to be like other contemporary social medias in order to lure in new users without teaching them how things work so that they can use them as advertising guinea pigs.

another example would be the abrupt and frankly pointless introduction of tumblr live, which is entirely unnecessary and has received near unanimous criticism from older users. but a bigger one is something that a lot of people, especially newer users, mobile only users, or those straight other platforms have probably not even noticed- the completely silent removal of subdomain urls. (which is why people here call usernames urls in the first place) this one is way more apparent of an issue as far as my questionable use of the term 'gentrification' goes.

if i asked you the question "what is tumblr?" what would you say? more than likely, you would answer that its a social media- and to be clear, you would certainly not be incorrect in that assessment, but thats not the important part. as far as i can see, thats the first thing that comes to mind when they think of what tumblr "is" in its contemporary state. but if i asked somebody that a decade ago, they would likely give a completely different answer; they would say its a "blogging site". that's because fundamentally, that's what tumblr actually is and is supposed to be. a social blogging host platform. the dashboard and tumblr.com screen was always only half of it as far as the functionality went.

everyone used to have a personal website for their blogs, and people would often hook their tumblr blog up with its own custom domain as well. tumblr was first and foremost simply a blogging platform with social elements. while that subdomain (personal website) functionality does still exist, and you can see it on my blog because i customized my blog's css themes, they actually completely silently added a switch that gets rid of it, and they automatically turned it off for anyone that hadnt fully configured that page already which slowly consolidates everybody towards the exact same uniform tumblr-blog style like what you see on the mobile site. it forces a uniform visual aesthetic and functionality, which is one of the things i hate the most. in the first place, the enormous number of people who hadnt set up their page properly is largely because tumblr has for a few years now actively discouraged, hidden, or obfuscated the 'personal website' aspect of the service for whatever reason they may have using a method ill get into in a moment. it may be because they thought it was too convoluted for newer internet users who dont understand, or it may have been a more calculated effort to abandon older infrastructure and replace it with replicas of more contemporary systems like are used in other social medias, but it doesnt make a difference to me.

blogging is all about self-expression, and restricting that defeats the point so fucking hard. on the mobile app, my page will look something like this.

though this screenshot is taken on desktop. the url here is "https://www.tumblr.com/virtueisdead". this is an entirely separate and pretty recently added functionality called the profile view, which is entirely different from how the website used to operate, which is demonstrated for clearly by the fact that this is not what my blog is actually supposed to look like. in fact, you cant even see what blogs are supposed to look like on the mobile app at all. if you open your browser and go to my actual blog url, "https://virtueisdead.tumblr.com/", you can see the intended design, which is very similar to my spacehey profile.

im honestly not unconvinced that they intend to eventually completely distinguish the old blogging system (akin to wordpress and blogger) from the social media aspect of the site entirely, though thats more of a crack theory. the fact remains that they began to silently get rid of people's actual blog pages, slowly forcing uniformity with the mobile app. (this is less important, but another part of that that drives me up the fucking wall is that i cant even use the tumblr website in my main browser anymore. they made it so it only works in certain browsers, and im sure i dont need to explain why that is absolutely insufferable behavior)

tumblr is absolutely trying to mimic other social media platforms like tiktok and twitter in order to attract users from them or give them a more 'familiar experience' and its absolutely a detriment to the experience for people who use tumblr specifically because it isnt like other corporate social platforms. this is a separate gripe, but...

ive said before and will say again, twitter users should not look for an alternative to twitter, they should just stop fucking using it. thats like going from smoking a cigarette brand that uses slave labor to one that doesnt. youre a more ethical person but youre still giving yourself lung cancer.

[rainbows-but-the-gay-kind]

things that happened during the two weeks of my show in which we had 13 performances and dress runs that i deem iconic:

- a concoction called 'dragon juice' made up of seemingly vinegar, honey, lemon, and potentially chilli and some other random items. prescribed if you had any kind of sore throat. burnt like hell, but worked.

- during a scene in which the leads would face us (the ensemble) and we would face the audience, one of the leads would make eye contact with me and start pulling faces in an effort to make me break character. she never succeeded.

- i realised on our fifth performance, that what i thought was one person was actually two separate sisters that looked identical. upon this discovery, i spent about two minutes looking between them, befuddled (it took them being opposite each other for me to realise they were two people)

- after one of our shows, when we all came off stage and went into the hallways, there was just a kid throwing up (or actually dying of some kind of cough) in a corner.

- someone stood on my foot during a scene. doesnt sound bad, but they were in character shoes (VERY sharp heels). when i went to my dressing room after the show, i had a cut on two of my toes.

- when my hair got stuck in a prop. we had a rope dangling down from a prop, and during a performance, my hair got stuck in it (bobby pins + rope = not good) and i had to dislodge it while getting downstage to do choreography

- my friend, who was in tech, dared me to use his sunglasses instead of the ones we used in our final run of the show, which was filmed. i did it. my friend who saw that nights performance proceeded to ask me about it, because they were a very different style to the ones we were given. worth it.

- a ken doll that sat on one of our wardrobes in the dressing room.

- the change room next to ours which had a speaker that would play music from other shows. they never played any chappel roan. we accredited this to the fact that they obviously didnt have enough girls, gays, or theys.

- the fact that i dont think i talked to a single straight person the entire run.

- that time in a dress rehearsal where i had to run down a ramp and proceeded to fall on my ass when the entire cast was on stage. pretty sure that was what prompted them to put a grip paint over those ramps.

- said paint on those ramps was not DRY for the next show, which didn't matter, until we went to sit down on them after the show. quite a few people had to get their costumes emergency cleaned by our costume department.

- a scene that required glitter dresses. normally fine, but those glitter dresses shed like hell. i still have glitter in my character shoes, which wouldnt be strange, if it werent for the fact that i didn't have one, and didnt share a wardrobe with anyone who did.

- a quick change i had that involved knee high socks. i had about 30 seconds before i was called for the next scene. so picture me, rushing backstage, throwing off the sunglasses, tie and hat i needed for the previous scene and getting into my other costume frantically. i had about five people who would help me. i always made it on though.

- a discovery i made on performance five, which was that the overalls i had to get into in my quick change had buttons at the back. made it a hell of a lot easier to get into.

- i smudged lipstick on my WHITE shirt about three times during that quick change over the ten performances.

- my friends who came to see one of the shows, upon seeing the guy i liked on stage, dubbed him guntah, as in the pig from sing. word-for-word quote from my friend, "if he had cleared the whole stage, got out a cane and started singing shake it off like the pig from sing, i would not have been surprised". its worth stating that he was in a gold suit.

- when one of my exes came to the show and everyone i knew and had told about him proceeded to bully him at the after party. (he ghosted me for a month while we were dating and im still annoyed)

- when i kissed two girls at said after party.(he could literally never)

- a little group of us that would do the macarena to a tango esque song while we were preset

- the fact that i somehow managed to get makeup on every single one of my collars

- and that this year we didnt have any broken collarbones!!!