#and when i went back to present day photos i started feeling nostalgic for future me looking back at now

[korixae]

made a post about nostalgia a little while ago and i cant find it again to rb bc tumblr search system is bit shit but imagine i reblogged it bcs that’s the feels again

[dossi-io]

An introduction to DeVita

Do you want to learn all about the AOMG artist DeVita? This article will cover everything you need to know about the third female member to join the labels roster.

The content of this article is also available in video format, embedded at the bottom of this article.

Prelude

In early April of 2020, the Korean hip-hop label AOMG ambiguously announced that a new artist was signing onto the label. This label was grounded by the Korean-American triple-threat; Jay Park, who’s also one of its executives. This is a label with a very organic feel and artist-oriented nature, which stands out compared to many other music labels.

On April 3rd, the label’s official Instagram account posted a video. It was titled, “Who’s The Next AOMG?” where fellow AOMG members talked about this upcoming recruit. They sprinkled small hints and details by sharing their thoughts on the artist without mentioning who.

Around the world, fans immediately began speculating on who this could be. The major consensus was that it had to be the solo artist Lee Hi, due to reporting like this: “AOMG responds ‘nothing is confirmed’ to reports of Lee Hi signing on with the label”

A few other names got thrown in fan speculations like Hanbin (B.I), previous member of IKON, Jvcki Wai, and MOON (문) aka Moon Sujin. This despite a few of these already being signed to other labels.

On April 6th, three days later, the account was updated with a part two. This time dropping more hints, which would exclude many names from fan speculations.

On the 7th of April, the label’s official Instagram account posted a short teaser. The video sported an 80’s retrofuturistic setting, with a woman turned from the camera, dressed in all black, rocking braids, and some glistening high-heels. As it seemed to be a female, some were now certain that it had to be Lee Hi. A small few actually guessed correctly that the one who would be joining AOMG would be Ms DeVita.

Finally on April 9th, it was official! She debuted with the music video, from which the teaser clips was taken from, EVITA!, which accompanied the release of her EP, CRÈME.

What does the name DeVita mean?

The name DeVita, draws inspiration and meaning from two things. Firstly, Eva Perón – also known as Evita – who was Argentina’s former First Lady. When Chloe was learning about Eva’s life, it inspired her to combine “Devil” and “Evita”, thus creating “DeVita”. The name signifies the duality of how both Eva Perón and DeVita could be perceived. Either being a devil, or an angel depending on the eye of the beholder. Secondly, Salvatore Di Vita, a character from Cinema Paradiso, was also a source of inspiration.

An introduction to DeVita

Chloe Cho – now known under the artist name DeVita – was born and raised in South Korea, until the age of eleven. In 2009, she moved to Chicago, where she would learn English.

In 2013, she went back to Korea and participated in the third season of the show; K-pop Star. A talent show, where the “big three” (the three largest music labels in Korea) hosts auditions to find the next big k-pop star. However she didn’t win, therefore neither got signed.

Later on, she returned to Chicago and graduated high school. After reflecting on what she wanted to do next, she decided to make music. In 2014, her pursuit to become an artist brought her to the talent show Kollaboration. On this show, she performed covers and actually ended up being a finalist. Despite her talents, she did not triumph as the winner of the show.

Not letting these losses stop her, she started releasing music on Soundcloud. The earliest release I could find, Halfway Love (Ruff), was from 2016. Her catalogue consisted of both covers and original music.

One day, Kirin, an artist and CEO of the music label 8balltown Records, was introduced to DeVita’s music. He liked what he heard and the two linked up. In May of 2018, WEKEYZ, one of 8balltown’s producer duos released a track titled Sugar. This track featured both DeVita, and the AOMG rapper Ugly Duck. This was the beginning of many collaborations to come.

On August 28th of 2018, just a few months later, AOMG released Sugar (Puff Daehee Mix).

This was a remix done by Puff Daehee, the alter ego of Kirin. Along with this track, it was accompanied by a music video starring Kirin, DeVita, and Ugly Duck. For most people, this was their first time seeing DeVita.

DeVita continued doing features on many songs by Korean artists while creating a little buzz for herself. There’s one notable feature, which could be seen as an important milestone in her career. That is her feature on the track Noise, from AOMG artist Woo Won Jae’s project, titled af.

In a tweet a few days after the release of CRÈME, she shared the significance of this moment.

“I was still making minimum wage working at a restaurant back when Noise dropped- I wrote my part during my shift on the back of this receipt paper. This was about a year and a half ago. A little bit after that I got a call from Pumpkin at 3am Chicago time. He said Jay wanted to meet in Philly in 4 hours. They put me on a plane and the rest is history.”

The phone call she mentioned in her tweet, about Jay wanting to meet, must have been made around September 2018. Jay was performing in Philadelphia at the time. The moment they met in Philadelphia was actually captured through a photo of the two. However, this picture ended up getting removed later on.

Fast forward a few months and Jay had just released his Ask About Me EP. The project focused on a western audience, so he went to the States on a promo run. During his visit, he also met up with DeVita once again, as can be seen here.

Finally, on April 9th, her being signed to AOMG was officially announced and she debuted with her EP titled CRÈME. Her joining AOMG, looked like something that happened pretty naturally. The vast majority of artists she had collaborated on tracks with happened to be AOMG members. Getting comfortable with the AOMG family, likely made the decision to join crystal clear.

Artistically

Just a quick look at her body of work thus far, a majority of it is in English. However, she has no issues singing in Korean, as proven by her feature on Code Kunst’s; Let u in. The tone in her voice has this sort of mixture of many singers, a melting pot of sorts. It reminds me of Audrey Nuna, SAAY, H.E.R, some vocal riffs from Dinah Jane, and at times, just a tiny bit of Ariana Grande.

As an artist, she’s still in the early stages of carving out her own unique sound and style. There’s incredible potential here, but her distinct identity is not completely there yet. I see before me a caterpillar that within a couple years, will transform into a butterfly, with its own identifiable pattern to spread its wings out on.

From what she’s shown so far, I would say she seems most comfortable doing R&B and soul music. However, beyond a quick description I prefer to refrain from categorizing her. Mostly because artists generally feel limited when categorized. More importantly, because we have no idea what she has in store for the future.

Debut EP: CRÈME

CRÈME is DeVita’s “crème de la crème”. She constantly modified the tracklist to present her debut project in a way that held her personal standard; essentially presenting us her best tracks. The result is CRÈME, which consists of five tracks, with a runtime of fourteen minutes altogether.

This EP showcases the fact that she is a competent songwriter, able to write some soulful, emotional ballads. It is completely in English and all the tracks are written by her, telling both life stories of her own and that of others. A majority of the production was handled by her “musical soulmate”; TE RIM, but other notable names, like Code Kunst show up as well.

Tracks:

Movies, introduces the project in a very gentle manner. In the track, DeVita paints a picture of a criminal couple, getting a rush, by committing crimes together. The lyrics feel inspired by movies like Bonnie and Clyde. My initial thoughts were that, for some ears, it could possibly be “too” calm as an opener. It doesn’t demand attention the way EVITA! does. Simply put, it’s not a bad track. I would just have put this track later on in the EP.

EVITA!, is something different compared to what I hear from others in the K-R&B lane. I love the 80’s aesthetic in both the track and music video. Sonically, the nostalgic saxophone riffs, warm lush synth pads, thumping bass line, results in a trip back to the 80s. With this recipe, topped with DeVita’s “current” contemporary soul and R&B voice makes for an interesting combination. The music video had that futuristic 80’s look with the neon colors, and I loved how the guns she played around with looked a lot like the “Needlers” from the Halo franchise.  The title is once again just like DeVita’s name, an ode to the controversial Eva Perón. The instrumental was originally used by TE RIM, the producer of the track in 2017. His version has the same title as DeVita’s version and I recommend giving that one a listen as well, as it has a different feel to it. This track was definitely one of the highlights of the EP.

All About You, is a simple yet beautiful piano love ballad. Originating from her own tales of love, her vocals effortlessly capture what she felt during these moments.

1974 Live, is yet another ballad, but this time, with a calm guitar backing, playing a poppier R&B chord progression. DeVita’s voice is given a lot of space to be in the center of the track. As soon as I heard this track I became curious. What was the significance of this year, which would have her title the track as such? My questions were left unanswered… until the EP had marinated a while, when she tweeted: “1974 Live is about Christine Chubbuck”. In case you’re unfamiliar, Christine Chubbuck was a television news reporter, who made history in 1974. She was the first person to commit suicide live on air. According to her mother Christine’s suicide would on paper be due to an unfullfilling personal life. All throughout her life, she had experienced unreciprocated love. With this information tying back to the track, it becomes a lot less ambiguous and reveals a more cohesive narrative.

Show Me, is the final track of the EP, featuring immaculate production from the talented CODE KUNST. The sound is very moody, which fits her voice like a glove. This is my favorite performance on the entire EP, both lyrically and vocally. The lyrics present someone who’s fed up dealing with men, who talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. Now she’s looking for love with someone who’s honest and “real”.

With the project being a year old now, it has already gotten her nominated for both Rookie of the Year along with EVITA being nominated for Best R&B & Soul Track in the 18th iteration of the Korean Music Awards.

A majority of listeners seemed to enjoy the project. Many seem to be in love with her voice judging by the endless amounts of praise she has received, often described as painfully addicting, soothing, smooth, and so on.

I also asked a friend who’s a huge fan of Korean music, especially the hiphop and r&b scene to share her thoughts on the project. Here’s what she said:

"This whole project is empowering, in particular the tracks Show Me and EVITA! DeVita being a new artist, managed to impress me and many more listeners through this EP. As mentioned earlier, empowering lyrics with unique melodies and beats. Especially with the track EVITA! The fact that 1974 Live and EVITA! was referring to, two historically important women, is something that I love. This is one of my favorite EP:s of 2020 and DeVita is now included in my list of favorite artists." @Haonsmom

From what I’ve seen, only a few have been vocal about not really being too fond of the project. Some were left a bit disappointed, as they were expecting more hip-hop and R&B from an AOMG artist. The lack of “danceable” tracks was also a concern to some. Despite these criticisms, one thing was always mentioned; the girl has a beautiful voice and is obviously talented.

After listening to this EP, I hear a lot of potential. Being an EP with just five tracks, it definitely avoids overstaying its welcome. It’s brief enough to allow a listen through the entire project, no matter what you’re doing. My favorite tracks would have to be Show Me and EVITA!, but I found the whole project to be enjoyable. This EP is sprinkled with lovely vocal performances and simple but captivating production. I do still stand by my opinion that Movies would have fit better later in the tracklist if you’re chasing that mainstream ear.

I think the way EVITA! kicks you in the face, demanding attention, would’ve been a better fit as the opening track. In contrast to the other tracks, the energy level is unique, making the placement feel odd as the rest of the tracks have a chill vibe. All in all, this project gave me a taste of the “crème” but left me with a curious yearning for what this chef will whip up for dessert.

Bright future ahead

The addition of more female artists to the AOMG roster was much needed. Hoody was the first and only female member for about four years. This was the case up until late 2019, where she was then joined by sogumm, who had just won AOMG’s audition program called SignHere. Now funnily enough after DeVita, Lee Hi actually did end up officially signing with AOMG on July 22, last year.

Based on what I’ve heard during Devita’s Kollaboration days, she has improved immensely. This topped with her leaving the impression of someone passionate about their craft, bodes well for what's to come. She seems to be someone who'll constantly evolve.

Following an artist, at the early stages of their career, is something that I always find exciting. With such a lovely debut, I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for DeVita.

To view the content of this article in video format simply play the video embedded below.

Thanks for reading, watching. If you enjoyed this content feel free to follow my socials to stay up to date on when new content is posted.

https://allmylinks.com/dossi-io

Credits:

The first image in article: Original photo, pre-edit from @jinveun

Gif from the Sugar Puff Daehee MV: @moxiepoints

[bella-caecilia]

I just requested 22 for Chelsie but just saw you've already done that one with Cobert. If you're not doing duplicates of the prompts then may I please suggest a backup, #13 for Chelsie? :)

Thank you for your lovely requests for Chelsie 😊 After doing #22 (x) and getting so sweet response from you guys, I decided to do the other one too. I really enjoyed writing for Chelsie for a change :D I set this one shortly after the finale of the series. I hope you like it <3

13 – kissing someone’s forehead

A huff escaped him. Charles stood in his pantry and let his eyes wander across the familiar surroundings. The desk, the fireplace, the armchair. It had been his room, his place for years and years. Years on end, he had thought, but now there was an end. Charles would leave after today. It was his last day of working as butler here at the Abbey, and he couldn’t deny that he was feeling a trifle nostalgic.

He took the two steps towards his desk and his finger brushed over the tabletop. It was as clean and dust-free as ever. The drawers had been emptied earlier this day and only a few personal items were left on top of the desk. There was a picture in a frame Elsie had given him as a present once. The photograph it held, however, was a different one by now. It wasn’t the picture of Alice he had kept after all these years. It was photo of Elsie and him on their wedding day. Elsie had argued at first that she had given him the frame for Alice’s photo and her remembrance. Charles had assured her how thankful he had been and still was for that sweet gesture, but now something new had started in his life. Something he was very grateful for. It was only right to let her frame represent this. She’d smiled coyly and no more words of protest were heard.

Charles adjusted the frame on the desk even if he had to remove it in a few hours. He turned around and observed the room from this familiar angle, standing at his desk.

…

Elsie walked down the hallway with wide strides. She had been checking the maids’ work on the guest rooms and was on her way to find Baxter to ask a favour for some mending work when she caught a glimpse of her husband in his pantry. He stood there with a furrowed brow and seemed lost in thoughts. She stopped in her tracks and changed her plans. She would pay him a short visit before she sought Baxter. Slowly she approached his open door. When he took notice of her presence, she stepped into the room fully and closed the door swiftly behind herself. Her hands hold on to the door handle behind her back.

“Huh, Charlie? Brooding about your new life as a retiree?” she asked softly, tipping her head to the side.

“No, not really,” he answered curtly. His eyes scanned the walls beside her.

“You know? I think it can be really idyllic to spend your days at the cottage?” Elsie suggested. She knew that the change in his as well as in their life was also a chance. A new start for a new phase in life. That it wasn’t easy for him to leave Downton as a crucial part of his life behind was, naturally, clear to her. But it was not a goodbye. Charles and Downton would stay bound together. So Elsie tried to lighten his mood and somehow make this step easier for him.

“It is a wonderful cottage and we have an excellent garden,” she continued. Charles shook his head turned his gaze to her.

“I know, Elsie. But I don’t want to think and talk about what I might do with my life now. We have already talked about that, and there is plenty of time plan more after today,” Charles explained calmly. He sighed. “Right now, I only want to take mental pictures of this place. I don’t want to lose my memories of all that I’ve experienced here.”

Elsie hands sank from the handle. Her gaze was warm. She understood what he meant. She wouldn’t bother him with talk of the future. He should gladly take his mental photographs. She made a step towards him and her right hand reached out to pat his upper arm.

“Well, go on then,” she spoke softly. A tiny smile grazed Charles’ lips, but after a moment an expression of confusion appeared on his face as Elsie made no attempt to leave. She stepped to his side, with her hands folded in front of her. She seemed to wait for his next move.

“What are you doing?” he inquired.

“I’m watching you taking your mental pictures,” she explained casually. “Don’t mind me. I’m just standing here.”

“If you say so,” Charles relented and turned to his deserted armchair, looking at it and probably recalling countless moments that he had sat there. He seemed unbothered by Elsie’s continued presence, and he brushed the rest of the armchair with a faraway look on his face.

“Oh…” Elsie uttered, and Charles turned around, shaken out of his reverie.

“What?” he asked, as she was already approaching his armchair and sinking into the cushioning with a subtle grin on her lips.

“Take a picture!” she demanded while putting her arms on the armrests and leaning further back. She moved as if to make herself comfortable and gave him a warm smile.

“What?” Charles repeated.

“You shouldn’t go without mental images of me. Or do you think otherwise?” Elsie explained. She looked up expectantly into his slightly flabbergasted face.

“No. Of course I have memories here with you. Plenty of them. So I don’t have to take a picture of you exclusively,” he mumbled, but Elsie looked at him challengingly. His expressions softened and took his time taking in the sight before him. How relaxed she was leaning back in his chair and how amused she smiled up at him. His eyes traced along her fingers and round nails, which contrasted nicely with the material of the armrest. He observed how the fabric of her dress bunched slightly at her bent knees. His eyes found hers and he was sure that this image would definitely stay in his mind.

“Got it,” he whispered with a tiny nod. She rose and he could literally see another idea lighting up her face.

“One more,” she stated and went to his desk. She rounded it and sat down on his chair behind it with a straight posture. She rested her wrists on the edge of the desk and gave a him strict and serious look.

“This is my last chance,” she explained nonchalantly. “I’m sure Mr Barrow won’t tolerate it if he’d find me sitting at this desk in future.”

Charles chuckled lowly at her expressed thoughts. “Well, I tolerate it. So, take your time sitting there. I’ve definitely taken a mental image of that.” Elsie took in the items left on his desk. She smiled gently at their photo in the frame and picked up his favourite pen, playing with it lost in thought.

“Elsie?” Charles asked tentatively.

“Yes?” She looked up at him and when he didn’t continue, she stood up and went around the table. She halted directly in front of him and looked up at him with a questioning expression.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you for these nice images and for being by my side.” He took her face into his large hands gently. His eyes caressed her face softly.

“It’s alright,” Elsie replied in a hushed voice while Charles leaned forwards with pursed lips to press a kiss to her forehead. His lips lingered there a moment.

“It’s alright,” she repeated, but more in an attempt to reproduce the situation than to assure him. However, Charles decided to gently turn her head upwards and look into her greyish-blue eyes. With the loving look he gave her, she was just as pleased.

[yandere-sins]

Preparations

Yantober List! Feel free to participate at any point :3

Time to move! Ah, Yantober is almost over. I think I will kind of miss it and at the same time not at all. I am thinking of binding the story of Rhys into a book for myself, however, maybe someone else is interested? Perhaps I should do an interest check for it sometime... I am not sure yet, hmmm. But first of all, I have to end the story right? So let’s continue ^-^

»»————————————  ♡ ————————————«« 

Looking fondly at the first couple-picture you two ever took, Rhys laid it down on top of the wrapping paper after a few moments. You two looked so in love, despite your eyes still being puffed from crying a lot in the beginning time over your dear friend. Ever since he knew you, you had been such a sensitive soul, and he fell in love with that feature of you long before you even recognized him.

It would go to the fragile things, he decided, reaching for the cooking ware next.

Finally, it was time to move! There was no way Rhys could hide his excitement about that anymore, talking about it constantly. However, right now, he did his best to be quiet. You had just settled in and fallen asleep after taking your meds, so he didn’t want to risk waking you. Still, stuff had to be packed, things had to be sorted out, there wasn’t any time to waste.

Rhys allowed himself a small glance at your tranquil sleeping face, your chest rising and falling rhythmically with your breath. After almost a week, he had decided to change your arms’ position, going back to the bindings at the headboards, so now, you really looked like a baby. His little baby. Cute, adorable, tired, and worn out. Rhys loved you so much.

Gently, he sorted through what he wanted to bring from his old apartment to the new house. Undoubtedly, your parents and his parents too would be more than happy to send presents like pots and cutlery. Perhaps, even a few of your old friends would send their regards after the move. It’s been a while since either of you saw them, but Rhys liked to keep in contact, having told them that you two took some time off after the death of your friend.

You’d probably be thrilled to see them again if they ever came to visit. The new home wasn’t anywhere close to the college, but perhaps in a year or two, when you had settled in by the ocean and behaved well, he’d invite them for a weekend. Rhys only ever thought about your well-being, of course, and seeing your old friends might be good for your mental health.

Smiling to himself, Rhys felt proud of being such a good boyfriend to you, while he decided against bringing a lot of cookware. Most of it had burn marks anyway or started to rust, so there was no use bringing it along. How nice would it be if you decided to cook for him again in the future. He missed all the great things and small snacks you could provide. Sometimes you’d try something new entirely, and it would burn, but even your pout was cute, and he remembered hugging out your frustration with you until take-out arrived. Those memories, Rhys was very fond of.

Aside from essential necessities, there wasn’t much left in the apartment that reminded anyone of people actually living in it. Most of his stuff, Rhys had packed up already, putting the boxes into the corners. Mementos and things he deemed memorable for your relationship were little. You two had a lot more photos standing around, framed, or even things that you bought on trips in the past. But when you had your rowdy phase, you destroyed a lot of them. Rhys never resented you for it, but it made him a little sad not having much to remember your college time by since they were gone now.

The only thing left was the last drawer on the cabinet. Once, Rhys had just left it empty, but when you practically moved in with him, you used it for things that you brought from your childhood home, those you couldn’t let go of despite not really needing them in your life. Being close to the bed, Rhys tried to open it especially tenderly, but it squeaked as it moved, your eyelids slowly fluttering open.

“Hey there, sleepy head~” Instantly, Rhys was by your side, cooing to you to go back to sleep since you really needed it. A yawn escaped you, absolutely adorably, while you let your head be gently caressed, Rhys leaning onto the mattress to be on the same level as you, watching you fondly. You looked at him dazed and tired, before your view fell on the drawer, pupils dilating as you saw your stuff. Immediately, you were wide awake, childlike excitement glistening in your eyes, nostalgic feelings erupting. “Are those mine?” you asked, hands straining in their restraints to lift you up and see better.

“Yeah, I was just about to put them into boxes.”

“Can I see them?” your question came out of nowhere, your eyes actually looking at him for once in anticipation. This was a sincere request, something you hadn’t asked in a while. Rhys’s heart began to flutter, experiencing you really wanting something from him, and not just your usual wish for him to let you go.

He left the bed, giving you a quick hesitant glance again, wanting to see if you really meant it, asking him for a favor. But you caught his eyes immediately, showing no ill-will in them towards him, just honest desire to see your stuff. Reaching for the first, best thing that he could grip, he pulled out an old, worn-out photo album. With his back leaned against the bedframe, he held it so that you two could look into it, Rhys never having seen the inside of it before either. Surely, he wanted to, but you two postponed it until this very moment.

A fond smile danced onto your lips as you looked at the old photographs of your mom and dad, holding you as a baby. You, eating puree. You, swimming with inflatable armbands and too big goggles in a pool. You, on your first day of school. All those old memories were saved in here, and it almost brought tears to Rhys’s eyes as you told him a few things you remembered on occasion while he skimmed through the album with you.

“That’s Alex,” you whispered, remorsefully. A shade laid over your expression, teeth grinding and body tensing as photographs of two little kids appeared. They showed you two playing in the dirt, at the graduation, eating in a restaurant on vacation. The longer it went on, the quieter you got. You two became older, there were fewer pictures on the last pages than on the beginning. The last one seemed like you two as teenagers, on some kind of party, grinning like Rhys had never seen you smile before. This was a different happy.

A happy that Rhys couldn’t achieve.

Slowly, he closed the book, letting it sink to his lap. Aside from the ticking of the clock, there was silence in the room until you turned your head back straight and sighed. You sniffled one time, and Rhys didn’t want to find out why. If you were crying about Alex now, he didn’t want to know it.

“Hey… do you need this still?” he asked, waving the album in his hand. “We don’t… really need to keep it, right?”

Rhys got up, working to pull out the full drawer. He knew what you were feeling, even without looking at you. You were well aware that he wouldn’t discuss this, that he was about to discard all of those precious memories of your childhood like they were nothing more than trash. It broke your heart, and at the same time, you were giving up the hope that he’d understand you and have mercy on your things.

For a few moments, he looked through your belongings. Some headphones, the album, a few more loose photos of you and Alex. Those were nothing you’d easily get back ever again, and there was no way to make new ones either. It hurt him too, you know? It hurt him, knowing that you were hurt. But it wasn’t good for your relationship to keep any of it.

Just a little stuffed rabbit, about the size of his palm, caught his attention, and he fished it out. Walking over to you, he saw the silent tears, even though your head was turned away, and your eyes closed. The more you suffered, the less Rhys wanted to admit it was because of him, but his gut still clenched together tightly in sympathy for you. Placing the tiny animal on the bed next to your head, he didn’t wait for you to see it, taking out the ‘trash’ immediately and leaving you behind to pity your loss alone.

Soon, the preparations would be done, and you two would move into your new life. There, nothing of the old life, of Alex, and those things that made you sad would linger around. You’d make a new life, new memories, and find new things to keep that strictly belonged to you two. Things would get easier, Rhys told himself, over and over, like a mantra. Everything would become perfect.

He barely hesitated as he dumped the drawer into the big garbage can of the complex. When his eyes fell onto the album again, he scoffed, promising it quietly to return with a lighter in the evening. Rhys couldn’t risk there being anything in the way of your new life, even if he had to hurt you again. It was just another attest of his love.

Once your new life rolled around, he hoped, you’d understand that too.

Continue

[alwaysmychoices]

From Across the Room

Synopsis: Charlie Green and Ethan Ramsey fell in love, and after years together, they fell apart when it became clear they wanted very different futures. But when they have a chance encounter years later, maybe it’s not all in the past...

(separate from my With and Without series)

words: 1.9k 

rating: PG 

Based on this ask from this prompt list. The prompt ("You aren’t my homeland anymore”) is in bold. Feel free to keep asking from that list!

Hit me up if you want to be added to my permanent tag list! 

(photo source) 

I would love to say that I fell in love with Ethan Ramsey the day I met him, but that would be a lie. The first time I laid eyes on him, I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen, but as soon as he opened his mouth, I thought he was the rudest, most arrogant asshole I’d ever been forced to interact with. I spent the rest of the week fuming and staring from afar, hating him with such passion that it buried my instant adoration.

But in moments of vulnerability and shared secret smiles, I fell in love with him.

And for some time, we were happy — the kind of bright, beautiful happiness that painted every memory in a golden haze.

I still remember our time together with soft, warm smiles and fluttering butterflies in my stomach.

We got an apartment together where we cooked fancy dinners, painted walls, and printed our favorite memories on photos that we displayed all over our home. On weeknights, we read medical journals on our couch with our dog between us, and on weekends, we woke early enough to wander the farmers market. We took up jogging together in the mornings and shared mystery novels in our spare time.

It was perfect.

We fought, of course. We disagreed about the shade of blue we should paint the bathroom and how protective I should be of my career. He thought I was impulsive, and I thought he was too set in his ways. But our fights never lasted long enough to mean something.

The itch came on slowly. It took me several years to realize that, as much as I loved my life, I still craved more.

Sometimes, late at night, I regret it. I wish I could have been satisfied, that I could have just maintained our happiness.

In the end, I couldn’t help wanting more.

I wanted a family. I wanted a house with a yard. I wanted to leave work early to read bedtime stories to my child and spend my Saturdays cheering on soccer games. I wanted sleepless nights where I balanced my demanding career with my desire for a family.

But Ethan didn’t want more.

He was happy. He had a loving relationship and a career he valued. What we had now was everything he ever wanted but never expected to have.

He understood what I wanted, but he couldn’t give it to me. And I understood why he couldn’t. I couldn’t make him want something, and I couldn’t force him into a life he didn’t desire. It wasn’t fair to him, me, or a potential child.

We tried very, very hard to hold on. We took extra vacations and talked late into the night, hoping that communication and quality time could save us. We toured townhomes in search of a compromise, and we submitted an application to foster rescue dogs.

But it wasn’t enough, and once the cracks settled in, they began to spread.

I wanted more than he could give, and he begrudged me for it. I resented him for resenting me and for not sharing my visions of the future. The love that we shared, as strong as it was, was clouded.

The end came slowly and painfully. We stopped fighting solely because we stopped speaking. We went days without as much as a shared glance, and as winter fell, our relationship went cold and lifeless.

On our seventh anniversary, I was thousands of miles away from Ethan. I was in California, interviewing for a job. Ethan and I were both offered positions, and we saw it as a new opportunity to revitalize our lives and start over again. But really, we always knew that Ethan wouldn’t leave Boston. He didn’t even come with me to visit San Francisco or meet the team we were offered to lead.

Six months later, I was still in San Francisco, and Ethan wasn’t with me.

For the first year, I waited for him to follow me here, and often, I eyed plane tickets, imagining my own grand gesture. I called him late at night, just to hear his voice, and sometimes, he would call me with a consultation for a patient. Rarely was it a real mystery that required my help. I think he just wanted to hear from me, too.

But nothing had really changed. I still wanted a family, and he didn’t.

So, I made a new life.

I bought an apartment and adopted a dog, and I made friends. I went to parks and parties and coffee shops, and I was happy, even if I kept Ethan on my speed dial.

I was introduced to Dr. Mark Williams at a fundraiser. A week later, I met him at a trendy restaurant for our first date, and by the end of the year, he was on one knee, presenting a sparkling engagement ring. I said yes, even if I secretly wished it was Ethan standing in front of me.

Mark and I agreed on everything. We wanted children and dogs and little league games, and we were already looking for a home to build our future.

It was perfect.

Or it should have been…

Sometimes, I still felt like something was missing, something I hadn’t felt since Boston.

Not that I ever said, nor even admitted to myself.

It was easy to pretend that Ethan Ramsey was a part of my past. He was thousands of miles away, and I hadn’t seen him in so long that, if I tried hard enough, I could make his memory hazy. On a good day, I didn’t think about him at all.  

But tonight was different.

Tonight, I couldn’t pretend — not when I was so close.

For the first time in over a year, I was in the same room as Ethan Ramsey, and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t stop looking over at him, craning my head to catch sight of him in the crowded conference. I was on Mark’s arm, but I could only see Ethan.

Someone was talking — maybe even to me — but I didn’t hear it.

Not until I heard my name.

“Charlotte.”

I jumped, startled into the present. I tore my eyes away from Ethan to find Mark and another man facing me. I vaguely recognized the man as Mark’s friend from medical school that we had met this morning when we signed into the conference, but I’d been so distracted by Ethan that I didn’t notice him approach us now.

“Damon has some intriguing research he wants to share from one of the exhibits. Do you want to come with us, Charlotte?” Mark asked, squeezing my arm.

Charlotte.

Mark called me Charlotte. Something about hearing it in the presence of Ethan made it feel cold and formal.

As soon as the thought registered, I felt a wave of guilt.

I was engaged to Mark. He was compassionate and kind, and he wanted a family just as badly as I did. He was my future, and Ethan was my past.

I just needed to remember that.

“I’ll let you two go ahead. I’ll catch up later,” I encouraged my fiancé and his friend to go on without me, hoping to clear my head and regain my composure in their absence.

I was a grown woman. I was well-respected and responsible. I was not the kind to remain lovesick and obsessed with a former boyfriend.

I needed to control myself.

With my back safely to Ethan, I wandered through the conference, finding comfort in unfamiliar faces. I felt safe in the ambiguity. Few people here knew me, and even fewer knew my complicated history with Ethan. Every step felt like a new beginning, a world where I could write my own future without being unnumbered by my past.

Of course, it had a habit of following me.

I could run to a new city with a new job and a new lover, but I always found Ethan. Or he found me.

Even in a sea of strangers and their disinterested gazes, I saw him immediately. His blue eyes were piercing and determined. I felt like he was looking for me, pulling me to him until I found him in return.

He looked the same, if a bit older. The same haircut, the same hard expression to ward off fans tempted to approach him. He stood taller than the rest, a beacon of intelligence and arrogance. And he was looking at me.

This close, the distance and time between us felt so small. I could forget that we lived on different sides of the country. I could forget the months of fighting and the breakup and our time apart. I could forget the lives we built apart from each other. I could forget everything but how much I loved him.

I imagined going to him, forgetting and forgiving everything we did to each other. I thought about running away from my life – from California, from Mark, from everything. I pictured my life back in Boston, in that apartment we shared with all of our friends.

And the daydream was all so… so tempting.

So beautiful. So sweet. So nostalgic and wonderful.

He felt like home.

And right now, I just wanted to go home…

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman approach Ethan. She was young, probably just an intern. Her hands were full of pamphlets and journals, and I decided that she was probably his newest protégé. I felt a sense of relief when he looked down at her and lacked any obvious romantic attachment — not that it was my place to be relieved. I was engaged to another man after all. Who was I to judge if Ethan found someone else, too?

But even as I tried to write it off, I knew that I didn’t want him to find someone else. I wanted him to still be mine, even if I told myself that I didn’t want to be his.

From across the room, Ethan dropped his gaze, whispering something to his protégé. They spoke for a moment, but I couldn’t will myself to look away. I feared that, if I dropped his gaze now, I might not ever find it again. Once they concluded their discussion, his assistant walked away, and his eyes immediately returned to mine.

With a sad smile, he motioned away, signaling that he had to leave. There was something else in his eyes, a silent offer to accompany him.

I could have followed.

I could have moved through the crowd and rewritten my future.

But instead, I shook my head, even if it killed me to do so.

I whispered softly, knowing he couldn’t hear me as I explained, “You aren’t my homeland anymore.”

Before I could change my mind, I walked away.

I thought it would feel freeing, like a final goodbye after nearly a decade of shared affection. I expected to feel confident in my decision. I thought I would walk into my future knowing that I was on the right path.

But as a wiped away my tears, I felt less sure than ever that Ethan was just a part of my past…

Tag List

@starrystarrytrouble​ @utterlyinevitable​ @queencarb​ @eramsey28​ @choicesficwriterscreations​

[labyrinth-runner]

Oooh could I request “Your cheeks are rosy and cute.” With Obi-Wan x reader?

Word count: 1600?

No warnings :D

“You know I hate the cold,” you muttered as you made your way down the ramp onto the planet, shivers running down your spine. Your light clothes were fine on Tatooine, but here you found them lacking.

“If you think this is cold, you would never survive Ilum,” Obi-Wan chuckled.

You shot him a look.

“You’re the one wanted to come along while I went to visit Bail Organa,” he smirked.

“Because Tatooine is... well, I can’t even say its nice, really, because it isn’t. It’s a bunch of sand and heat. When you mentioned going off world, how else was I supposed to react besides jumping at the chance?” you asked. “I just didn’t think Alderaan would be this cold.”

“It’s not, darling. It’s fall here.”

“I would hate to see winter,” you shot back.

Obi-Wan wrapped an arm around you. “Smile. Here comes Bail.”

You plastered your best ‘I’m happy to be here’ grin on your face as the Viceroy came to greet you in the secluded docking bay.

“I apologize that you couldn’t land at the palace,” Bail murmured.

“I’m supposed to be dead,” Obi-Wan replied. “I’d be surprised if you had suggested I meet you there.”

“Fair enough, M- Ben,” Bail replied, catching himself. “We can’t accommodate you in the palace, but we have a lodge hidden in the forest that you two can stay in.”

“I can assure you, anything is better than sleeping in the ship,” Obi-Wan replied.   You watched as a blush settled on his face and a slightly masked look of hope settled into his eyes, “Will I get to see her?”

Bail gave him a sad smile, “Perhaps not up close. She’s become quite nosey lately. The last thing Breha and I need is her asking more questions. She’s already found one of the rebel bases.”

“She sounds a lot like her mother,” Obi-Wan said with a wistful smile and a faraway look.

“You should have seen her on her Day of Demand. I almost thought I was looking at Amidala for a moment. She had that same fire in her eyes that her mother would have when addressing the Senate,” Bail replied. “She even went to Naboo.”

“Oh?” Obi-Wan asked with an amused smile. “How did that go?”

“Oh, you know. Explosions. Madness. Too close for comfort for my liking,” Bail chuckled.

“I’ll bet,” Obi-Wan replied.

“Well, let me show you to the cabin,” Bail smiled, pulling the hood up over his face. 

The two of you followed suit as he led you to a speeder. 

“You know, Bail, most people would not feel comfortable being driven to the middle of the woods,” you joked.

“We’re not most people, are we?” he asked with a knowing smirk.

“No, I suppose not,” you replied.

When you reached the cabin, Bail handed Obi-Wan a comm-link. “If you need anything, use this. It’s a direct link to me.”

“Of course, Viceroy,” Obi-Wan nodded.

The two of them shared a long look before Bail turned to leave. “I’ll be back later tonight with news... and photos of the princess.”

“I look forward to it,” Obi-Wan replied before watching the Viceroy walk away.

He let out a sigh.

You placed your hand on his shoulder. “Credit for your thoughts?”

“It... felt like old times,” he admitted, turning to you. “I know that sounds odd. Especially since nothing has been like old times since... well, old times.”

“He’s your friend whom you haven’t seen in years. It’s normal to feel nostalgic,” you replied as you gently led him into the cabin.

“It’s just odd,” he sighed, leaning against the dining table.

“Odd, how?”

“We watch over Luke. He watches over Leia. Seeing the two children separated. Knowing what life they could have had if...” he trailed off.

“They’re loved. That’s all that matters,” you replied, cupping his cheeks. 

He leaned into your touch, giving you a small smile. “I suppose you’re right.”

“I know I am,” you winked. “Now... help me start a fire. I am freezing.”

Obi-Wan chuckled and set up a small fire in the hearth. “We’ll need more wood. I’ll gather some. You stay here and keep warm.”

You nodded, setting up a kettle over the fire to boil water for tea. Then, you proceeded to wrap yourself in a thick blanket and sit as close to the fire as you could without getting burned or inhaling smoke.

Losing track of time, you stared into the fire and contemplated everything Obi-Wan had said. It was a shame that the children didn’t know their biological parents, and it could be said that they were becoming more like them. But... you couldn’t help but think about how much of their personalities came from the Lars and Organa families. Perhaps, out of respect for their biological parents, they had tried to attribute things to them in order to keep their memory alive. You missed Padmé as much as the rest of her friends, but you knew Padmé would want credit to be given where credit was due. For instance, you’d seen Breha many times when Padmé had come for diplomatic visits. She had every bit of that fiery personality as Padmé. Leia could have just as easily gotten that from her as well. The Lars were sweet and kind people, accepting people. Much like Luke from what you could see. Sure, Luke may get his tinkering from his father, but you could see a lot of his aunt and uncle in him. What you didn’t understand, though, was why the Lars never claimed to be his parents. In a way, you always thought that would save them from answering a lot of tough questions later on.

The kettle whistled, pulling you from your reverie. Swiftly, you took it down, poured yourself a cup, and then placed the kettle on the outskirts of the hearth to keep warm.

“You look like you’re ready for a snow storm on Hoth,” Obi-Wan teased as he came back into the cabin.

Turning, you shot him a grin, “I made tea.”

“Aren’t you wonderful.” He placed the wood in the holder and came closer, chuckling at just how bundled you were. He settled into a lotus pose on the floor next to you and poured a cup of tea for himself. 

You leaned into his side as he leaned his head on top of yours. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and sighed.

“You sigh as though the fate of the entire galaxy rests upon your shoulders,” you commented. 

“I’m just worried.”

“About Luke?” you asked softly.

“Mmm.”

Gently you took his cup from his hand, placing it on the ground before crawling into his lap.

“You worry too much.”

“I fear I used to not worry enough,” he replied.

“You had to come. There was no way around it. The discussion would not have been secure if you took a call at home,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He smiled, looking up at you. You were wrapped in the warm glow of the fire. Your cheeks were tinged pink from the heat. In that moment, nothing else was more beautiful than you. In that moment, he saw you for what you truly were: home.

“What? What is it?” you asked, blushing slightly.

“Your cheeks are so rosy and cute,” he commented, reaching up to cup your cheek. He gently tapped your cheek with his thumb for emphasis.

“Its from the fire,” you replied dismissively.

“Doesn’t make it any less true,” he murmured, slipping his hand around to tangle in your hair. 

Slowly, you felt yourself being pulled closer to him. A gravitational pull that could not be ignored. You’d lived with Obi-Wan for years since the passing of your friend. It wasn’t as if you didn’t have feelings for the Jedi Master. But, you knew that your purpose was more important that your personal feelings. More than that, you knew who he was, and what he stood for. You would never ask any more of him than what he would give freely. On the whole, you were just very good friends. A couple to the outside world, but a companion to each other, mostly. There had been nights where loneliness took over and you’d lost yourselves in each other just to feel again. 

But, tonight wasn’t like that. There was something different in his eyes. On those other nights, he almost would look through you, trapped in a far away world that only the two of you working your bodies in tandem could bring him back from, banishing the numbness and guilt away for another short while and granting him a respite from the demons in his head.

Tonight, he looked at you. He saw you, and only you. He didn’t see his past. He didn’t dare to look forward to see the future, because the future was never set. He only saw the present, for the gift that it was. In that moment, he understood why Qui-Gon chose to live in the moment.

His lips were inches from yours when you pressed forward to meet him. You felt a warmth in your chest that wasn’t from the fire. His kisses were like a warm mulled wine, intoxicating as his tongue slipped over yours. His other hand came up your back to pull you close. His arms were a blanket, wrapping you in him as he gently laid you down on the blanket you had been using. His kisses seared as they strayed from your lips and ravished your skin.

I love you.

The words were clear in your head.

A different kind of heat enveloped you as you realized that with those words he had banished the last remnants of cold within you. 

Perhaps Alderaan wasn’t as bad as you thought.

[fairymadnessyeah]

Memories of the past

Or My Erasermic week day 1 2020

This takes place in my Shigaraki Youtuber AU.

You can find the fic in AO3 here--------------------------------------------------------------------> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23484736/chapters/57040882

And the AU Series here--->https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601044

Notes:  I completely headcanon Aizawa and Hizashi having a crush on each other in high school, but believing that the other had a crush on Oboro, so they would silently pine over the other, accepting they had 'one-sided' feeling, and Oboro would be in the middle of it all, trying to play matchmaker with Nemuri.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

meet cute/first kisses / a fresh start

It was a relatively normal day for class 2a. The weekend was in full swing, and the students were either studying, playing or simply hanging around the common area of the dorm. Shinsou entered the place, carrying two boxes with him.

"Hey Shinsou, what's with those boxes?" Kaminari asks him. He was talking with Ashido while they waited for Jirou to finish her project to listen to it.

"My parents had to clean off their home-office, and this is supposed to be all my stuff," He explained. Hizashi and Aizawa had been planning to clear off that storage room for years, but never got to it. Although now that Eri was living with them, the perfect moment to clean the office had finally appeared.

"You have your baby stuff in there?" Ashido asked excited, concentrating the attention of the others in the room.

"Maybe?" Ashido let out a squeal and took the two boxes from the purpled haired teen. Leaving them in one of the tables and opening them.

Shinsou shrugged as she went through the first box. He had little to be ashamed of, and there weren't many pictures of him as a child. He had hated being in photos when Aizawa and Hizashi had first fostered him. Only after they adopted him, did he seemed okay with the idea, and that was when he was around 10-11 years old.

Mina, and the half the class that gathered round to see, took all of the things inside the first box. There was a fluffy blanket with cats ("That was Nemuri sensei's first birthday present," Shinsou told them as he touched the blanket nostalgically.) , an ugly green sweater that also had cat faces in it  ("Eri has the same one, Aizawa has terrible taste," The others winced at the atrocious piece.) , an old lilac sock-puppet cat with long arms and legs ("Its name its Mr soft paws and I couldn't sleep without it, okay!" Shinsou admitted after a little of convincing and threats of taking it. He was completely red.)  and a used ukelele  ("Mic taught me how to play but I forgot most of the lessons," Shinsou tells them).

Then they opened the second box, now everybody had dropped what they were doing to hear Shinsou's childhood stories with their teachers.

"Look at this retro aviator jacket!" Kaminari says as he tries on the item.

"That's... not mine," Shinsou says confused.

"I think it belongs to your parents," Jirou deduces as she takes a lot of CD's off the box. "These are all very old bands and some of them I haven't even heard about them,"

"What is this?" Sero asks as he takes black plastic rectangles from the box.

"Those are VHS!" Momo says. "They are like old DVD's, maybe there are home movies recorded on them!"

"I have an old VHS player in my room, I'll go get it!" Izuku says as he runs to his room.

As they wait for Izuku, the others take out even more CD's and some photo albums. They don't get to open them though as Midoriya comes back with the device. They spent a couple of minutes trying to connect it to the TV, but they made it and they put on the first tape.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was night time and in the middle of the woods. Small chuckles could be heard through the video. The camera points to a tent and a tall young teenager, who was wearing a black undershirt and UA sport uniform pants, zip it open. The guy has white hair styled upwards and he is holding a tiny airhorn. He is trying to hide his laugh by covering his mouth as he shakes the small device.

"C'mon, Oboro, do it," An amused voice comes from the one filming.

The guy, Oboro, places his hand holding the horn inside and with a big smile, sounds it off. A lot of screaming follows.

"Ahhhhhh! What the Hell!? Who is that!?" A young Aizawa pops his head out of the tent and scowls at the retreating and dying of laughter albino and the shaking cameramen. "Hizashi, Oboro, you're  dead !"

"No, no, no,Shouta, No!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The video was paused. All the student were speechless. Because that was his teacher. A smaller, younger version of his teacher. In what seemed to be a camping trip. And somebody played a prank on him.

His teacher had been a stupid teenager.

They knew that Aizawa had been their age at some point, but seeing id beliving.

"Keep playing it!" Sero shouted in a frenzy. Exited, astonished and confused for seeing his mature and logical teacher doing things they had done.

The others joined in. Demanding they keep watching, and the video was unpaused again.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This time the video started in a bus, but the same low chuckles sounded through the tape. Aizawa and Hizashi senseis were sleeping right next to each other in the seats of the bus wearing the normal school uniform. The camera moves as a voice asks somebody to hold it. The boy from before comes into the picture, the guy their homeroom teacher called Oboro. He goes behind them, and moves Hizashi's head to Aizawa's shoulder and then places Aizawa's head over it. Both Oboro and the new camera crew are failing in trying to keep their laughter quiet.

Then, Aizawa opens his eyes and the Oboro guy goes away. Aizawa looks to his sleeping arrangement, then to the camera, back to the blonde and finally stays with the camera.

"Stop filming," The awake future teacher whispers as his face turns red.

More chuckles from outside the frame. "No way, this is gold," A low voice whispers back.

"Oboro, stop filming," The young raven whispers threateningly at the camera, giving it his scarry 'shut-up-class' stare but still blushing.

"Come here and make me, Shouta," The guy Oboro whispers in a challenging way. Aizawa moves, slowly and trying not to bother the other, but the blonde moans and stirs, making him stop dead where he is. Hizashi, then, reaches his arms around the raven and hugs him closer, placing his face in his neck. Somehow, Aizawa's blush deepens and Oboro's laugh gets louder. "Oh my god, Shouta, your face!... I didn't know it could get to that colour!" The boy continues to whisper.

"I hate you," Shouta whispers back and touches the back of the cuddling blonde.

Said blonde starts to stir and blinks himself awake. He looks up to his partner, get as red as a tomato and flings himself off the bus-seat with a 'WAAHH!'. His feet are over the handle and his back against the floor of the bus. Oboro laughs even harder and moves the camera to the blonde, showing a blushing Present Mic as he covers his face in embarrassment and repeatedly says he is sorry. When the camera returns to Aizawa, the boy is pouting with his arms crossed and looking through the window.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The video starts on the UA campus. The camera is pointed to an Oboro in his school uniform.

"Are you filming?" He asks to the camera and a feminine voice responds positively. "Alright, this is my last idea. If this doesn't work nothing will. Go to the other side of the field and hide under the bleachers, and make sure you film everything. Text me when you get there,"

"Roger," The feminine voice answers and turns the camera to two other young teens. One with a scar across his face and the other was a Tenya-look-alike without his glasses. "Follow me, men," She says and starts her way through one of UA's fields until she and then gets under the bleachers. The small group travels until they stop and point the camera to a young Hizashi and Aizawa, sitting on the opposite bleachers and using their sports uniform. The two are contentedly talking and each have the end an earpiece, probably listening to the rectangular thing they were connected to.

A pair of hands suddenly appear near the backsides of their heads through the space between the seats. Then, the hands grab their heads and smash their faces together. The reaction was instant.

The camera shook in excitement as the small team laughed and got amused, so you could barely see the two blushing teenagers with how much it moved. When the camera focused again, Aizawa and Hizashi weren't there anymore.

"WORTH IT!" Oboro shouted as he ran across the field, Aizawa and Hizashi close behind him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next video started on UA's auditorium. Aizawa and Hizashi were seated on the audience as well as the camera. The two were giggling with the same feminine voice asking what was she filming. Then they turn on the lights of the stage. And as the camera turns to the stage, Oboro that looks naked is picking up his stuff. The camera shakes and Oboro leaves the stage while the other ex-students laugh.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The class keep on watching and watching going through all of the tapes. They saw one where Aizawa threw their English teacher like a ragdoll in the sports festival, they saw them work together on the cultural festival, they saw them with Kayama sensei, Kan sensei and Iida's brother, Tensei. And they also saw the guy Oboro.

They were on one tape where they had all gone on a road trip, renting a camper van and following a band for the summer before the school camp. They were watching as Aizawa and Kan sensei were getting in a fight with Tensei and Oboro trying to stop them while Yamada and Kayama cheered for them when said woman stepped into the dorm's common area.

"What are you watching?" She asked as they paused the home-video and she got a better look.

"Well-" Shinsou started but never got to finish.

"Oh, I remember that day! We got kicked out of the bar!" Kayama sensei tells them and sits with them to watch.

Sensei Kayama answered every doubt they had and gave them context to the videos and pictures. They watch for a couple of more minutes with the only grown-up commenting on what was happening until Jirou asked what type of concert was that.

"Oh it was the moving concert of Japan, for two entire weeks you followed the concert through the road. You guys would have liked it, too bad the internet killed it," The woman explains.

"How did the Internet killed a concert?" Shouto asks confused.

"What made the moving concert so great was that you didn't know where it was going to go next. The only way to find out was by a connection, if someone called you or by the radio," She explains. "With Social Media, everybody knew in a matter of seconds, so the whole thing lost its magic," Then, she turned to the TV and squealed. "You are going to love the next video!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The video started in a bar with some sort of stage. Oboro was climbing on it and once he was on it, he took the microphone.

"Hello, people! How are you doing?" He started talking. "Before you throw me out of the stage, my two best friends who have been pining over each other for a year and a half, are making out in the parking lot right about now, and I want to embarrass the shit out of them, so do you want to help?" A murmur goes around until it transforms into clapping. "Okay, alright. Now, when my two friends come through that door, I need you to scream, shout, clap, celebrate, go ape-shit-crazy!" Even more clapping happens.

"They're coming!" A voice shouts in the background and Oboro shushes everyone.

The lights of the bar dims. The camera moves to the front door and through it stepped in young Aizawa and Hizashi hand in hand. There is silence for a minute and then the whole bar explodes. People are cheering as if their favourite team won the world cup, streamers and confetti flow around, the music to 'Celebration' is going on. And Aizawa and Hizashi are in the middle of it. Both blushing like crazy and squeezing the other's hand.

"KIIIIIISSSSSSS!!!!!" Somebody screams, starting a chant. The chant kept growing until Aizawa grabbed Hizashi's face and kisses him. To which the bar explodes again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The days after the weekend, when Aizawa entered his class, everybody clapped and cheered, and then giggled, as if it was some part of an inside joke. And it got even worse when his husband came in for English, as they also put the song 'Celebration', as they laughed

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 131

Chapter Summary -  It is time for Danielle to go shopping with Diana, Emma and Sarah again for Christmas, but there are a few tidbits of news from more than one Hiddleston family member.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine. All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​​ @nonsensicalobsessions​​ @damalseer​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​​ @salempoe​​ @wolfsmom1

‘Well, hello.’ Diana beamed as she walked in the front door, Mac and Bobby rushing over to say hello to her too as her son embraced her. ‘How are you all?’

‘Wonderful, how are you?’ He smiled as he let go of his mother to have his sister embrace him next. ‘Where’s the Duchess?’

‘Oh we are not bringing her today, I have to get two Santa presents that you two are bringing to Suffolk with you before Christmas.’

‘Good to know, though perhaps that is not wise, we could forget.’

‘No, you won’t, I am going to talk to Danielle about it.’ Sarah grinned.

‘Unbelievable, I am not even trusted.’ He shook his head as Emma gave him a hug. ‘Hey, Little sis.’

‘Hey.’ She hugged him tightly.

Tom frowned slightly and looked at her, noting there was something odd in her features that concerned him, but she gave a small smile and walked into the house, finding her friend nearby smiling brightly.

‘Hello, stranger.’ Danielle embraced her friend. ‘You look like you need some nice tea.’

‘I do.’ She confirmed as they all went into the kitchen, Bobby and Mac getting more excited as they went in. ‘He’s bigger than Poppy.’

‘Yes, well, boys are usually bigger in doggy world.’ Danielle smiled. ‘Now, what is the plan?’

‘Tea here, tube into town, shop, lunch, then shop a little more and then taxi back here.’ Sarah instructed.

‘Okay.’ Danielle nodded.

‘How about a slight alteration to include me for lunch and me bringing some of the presents back to the house while you continue?’ Tom suggested.

‘You are still not over being left out last year, are you?’ Danielle laughed, Tom’s response was to put an arm around her. ‘Poor boy.’

‘Stealing my family.’ He joked. Danielle smiled slightly. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, I just….I thought of my dad there for a moment.’ She could not hide her sad smile, inhaling deeply. Tom frowned and gently touched her arm in support. ‘My dad used to do that. It’s harder this time of year because we always made sure to do a lot together at Christmas.’

Tom brought her in against him tighter and kissed her head. ‘Would you rather I didn’t…?’

‘What, no, I would never want you to do that. I was just getting nostalgic about Dad for a minute.’ She looked at him and smiled. ‘I’ll have to get something for you after lunch though.’ Tom’s face dropped slightly, causing her to laugh. ‘Did you think I would be so dim?’

‘No, I just…’

‘Busted.’ Emma laughed.

‘I did not…’

‘Yeah, sure.’ Sarah scoffed.

‘I have too many strong women in my life.’ Tom commented as he looked at the different women around him. ‘I need more men.’

‘You have Mac and Bobby.’ Danielle pointed out.

‘And they are very cute, but they don’t help, not with you being the formidable woman you are.’

‘Speaking of formidable, the fax machine will be going bonkers this afternoon for about fifteen minutes, don’t worry about it, it is just some paperwork I need to read over and sign.’

‘How did you get that from “Formidable”?’ Emma asked curiously.

‘Because Formidable is the name of the company Safeguard just bought over. As a partner, I am required to sign my part of the paperwork.’

‘What does this mean for you?’ Tom asked curiously.

‘Bigger stake in the market, they will be busier Stateside so I will actually have to go there once an annual quarter and do a week of business and if business does go forward as planned, bring home a larger share.’

‘Woohoo, go you.’ Sarah raised her cup of tea at Danielle’s words.

‘Wow, that’s great.’ Emma agreed.

‘Wonderful.’ Diana beamed.

Danielle smiled at them before looking at Tom again, noting the frown lines on his forehead. ‘I didn’t want to bore you.’

‘That’s not boring, that’s really important. Though the four times a year to the US isn’t overly fun.’

‘They made a compromise and made it to New York, so everyone will have to travel a bit.’

‘That is something.’ He smiled. ‘Look at you, big businesswoman.’ He wrapped his arms around her again. ‘Congratulations.’

‘We won’t be too affected by it, I don’t think. I have a month or so warning before ordinary quarterlies, extraordinary meetings are different, but they can be done via video conferencing if needs be, apparently.’

‘You are only going up, aren’t you?’ Tom beamed proudly.

‘Yes, well, I don’t see it as anything of major note, I was hardly informed of the buy as it was started before I joined in. It was mentioned, but I said at the time that I trusted their judgement on that as it was clearly something they had been looking into.’

‘I had not realised.’

‘I meant to say it to you, but I got sidetracked with your oddness.’

‘Tom’s always odd.’ Sarah pointed out.

‘Yes, but his recent odder than usual odd.’

‘What was that about exactly?’ Emma asked.

Tom cleared his throat. ‘I was nervous.’

‘About?’

‘Asking Danielle to go to the Early Man premiere with me.’

His sisters and mother looked to Danielle, who nodded. ‘And?’

‘I have hair and makeup sorted, outfit next.’ She smiled sheepishly, Tom beside her looking proud.

‘Well, this is news.’ Sarah stated.

‘Well, after so long, it’s about time.’ Diana beamed. ‘I was starting to think you two were never going to move forward.’

‘We got a dog together two months ago, Mum.’ Tom pointed out.

‘Ah, yes, but you need to be moving more towards…’

‘Mum, please don’t mention that again.’ Tom interrupted. ‘Look, how about I drop you all in and meet you at two in Covent Garden?’ He looked to Danielle, who seemed very interested in her mug.

‘Okay, before we start this again.’ Sarah urged her mother towards the door. ‘We actually have a lot to get done.’ Emma left to go to the bathroom.

‘Do you..?’ Danielle cleared her throat. ‘Do you have a list of things you want me to get?’

‘Yes.’ Tom turned to get it but paused. ‘Elle…?’

‘We are going to get this a lot, aren’t we?’

‘Yes, I think so.’ Tom conceded. ‘I had Emma and Sarah say something to her, but she, and they….they don’t get that we are...’

‘We’re doing this at our pace, not other people’s.’ Danielle added.

‘Exactly.’

‘I can handle the comments, okay? Don’t think I am about to run off, and I can tell people we are not to that yet as well, so don’t worry.’ She smiled reassuringly.

Tom’s brow knitted together at her words and her use of the word “yet”. He said nothing but took note to see if it came up in that manner again in the future, having previously thought marriage was something Danielle was not even considering.

When everyone was ready, they got into the car and went into the city. With him gone, they went about getting what they required sorted.

‘So, do you have anything planned to wear to this premiere?’ Emma asked as they walked around Harrods.

‘No idea. It is fairly casual premiere from what I gather, so I don’t know what to do.’

‘We could go looking for something for it someday?’ She offered.

‘Perhaps.’ Danielle nodded. ‘So, when am I getting your news?’

‘Soon, Jack and I want to talk to you, Mum, Tom and Sarah together about it.’ She gave a small smile.

‘Really?’ Danielle looked at her with a raised brow. ‘Is lunch okay or private?’

‘Private.’

‘Well, we will have to see tonight so.’ She smiled. ‘What do you think of this?’ She held up a mug.

‘What is with you and prank presents?’

‘My mum was never as witty and outwardly jestful as my dad, but she used to do it to him and others, all the time and they thought her joke presents were almost as fun. I took her place doing it when she died, then after Dad……’

‘Elle,’ She looked at her friend. ‘Are you okay, you really are getting upset about your dad a lot today?’

‘Yeah, I just am thinking about him a lot recently.’

‘Okay, is there a particular reason why?’

‘It’s his birthday.’ Emma’s eyes widened slightly. ‘Yeah, two weeks to the day before Christmas, we used to joke about it and he used to give out about getting two presents because they were so close together. He thought we were wasting money.’

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

‘Because it doesn’t really matter.’

‘But you’re sad.’

‘I am not, I am just remembering a few things.’ She smiled sadly.

‘I don’t know if I could deal with not having Mum for Christmas. I am used to seeing Dad after it, but without both...I couldn’t, and you have neither, I forget that sometimes.’ Danielle nodded. ‘You don’t get to forget though.’

‘It is so much easier now, thanks to your mum, and you, then with Tom as well, I feel as though I can enjoy all of this and not feel guilty for not being a moping mess in the corner.’

‘Your parents wouldn’t want that though.’

‘No, doesn’t mean it doesn’t sound like a good idea some days though.’

‘I don’t think you need to have dead parents to feel like that.’

‘Definitely not.’ Danielle concurred. ‘Ooh, do you think Sarah would like this?’ She asked, holding up an expensive present.

*

‘So, what did you get me?’ Tom beamed as they met him for lunch.

‘A book, “How to Not Annoy Women” chapter seven, saying “hello before demanding presents like a seven-year-old”.’ Danielle joked as she sat next to Emma.

Tom frowned as he watched her take a place on the other side of the table to him and not by his side.

‘She loves me more.’ Emma joked, pulling Danielle to her, both women laughing.

‘It’s your own fault for choosing your sister’s friend as a girlfriend.’ Sarah laughed.

‘Yes.’ Tom looked at Danielle, who seemed to be smiling naturally. ‘The faxes came in, by the way.’

‘Good.’

‘I think it all but ran out of ink and paper. Do you have to read it all?’

‘It’s just a pile of rubbish most of it. Legal malarkey, but there are several bits that yes, I will be forced to go over. They said to have it done by Christmas, but I have a very dull day that I have to go into work anyway next week just to be there for a quick video call, I will get it all done then and be finished with it.’

‘I hate having to go into the office, I much rather when I am working from home.’ Sarah commented.

‘I prefer it with the dogs, I’d imagine even more so with herself.’

‘Yes.’ Sarah agreed. ‘I suppose those two are a lot like kids.’

‘Yes and no; yes because we can’t just pretend they are not there and have to care for them, no; because we can leave them there for a few hours with fresh water and a Kong toy while we go to lunch with my family and not have legal ramifications.’ Tom added to laughs and acknowledgements of the truth behind it. Try doing that with your daughter.’

*

‘Hey.’ Tom nuzzled in against Danielle’s neck, his arms around her waist. ‘Did you have a good day?’

‘I hate Christmas shopping, people go mad, but yes, getting time with Diana, Emma and Sarah was nice.’

‘Emma told me today is your dad’s birthday.’

‘Yes?’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I told you it was near Christmas.’

‘But not that it was today, I was worried this morning when you were talking about him like that. Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I just miss him.’

‘I wish I could empathise a little more, but at the same time…’

‘I am grateful you cannot because it means your Dad is okay.’ She smiled. ‘I miss him, but I am so grateful for twenty five years of having him come home in the evening, asking me how I got on in the day, how he asked me about things and how he grumbled at the fact a horse foaling had no appreciation for a nice roast dinner he had to leave behind to deal with it.’ She brought her hands to his. ‘I really wish he got to see you.’

‘I know,’ Tom kissed her shoulder. ‘Emma’s news was a little bit of a shock.’

Danielle laughed. ‘How do you find that a shock, she is married and they talked about having kids, so a pregnancy announcement is hardly too shocking.’

‘She said she would wait.’

‘Yeah, two years ago she said that, she has changed her mind.’

‘You suspected, didn’t you?’

‘Oh yeah, I knew. She was a bit tired looking today. She won’t be feeling morning sickness yet, but she will soon. I am happy for her. I can’t wait to start baby shopping again. I have had no willing victims of my baby buying splurges in over half a year.’

Tom chuckled as he recalled the shock on Ben and Sophie’s faces at the sheer amount of things Danielle saw fit to purchase on Hal’s behalf. ‘She will love it.’

‘Who knows, it might have a little cousin soon not much younger than it.’ Tom looked at her, then to her stomach. ‘Not us, Sarah, she seemed as though she would want another on hearing that. She was talking about it not too long ago either.’

‘I was wondering there for a moment.’

‘Not yet. I think we are too busy at the moment, with work and the dogs.’

Tom gave a small sound in agreement, adding that to her comment regarding marriage, noting that Danielle was very much talking more solidly about the “maybe” topics they had discussed in the woods regarding their future almost a year before. He could not help but smile at that.

[satyrcon]

an ode to tumblr: past, present & future

0heres just a rambling post about tumblr and how much it has impacted my life. i’m really sentimental and being locked inside all day due to the coronavirus, its making me nostalgic for the summer days i once experienced years ago, where i voluntarily stayed inside to blog, and hang out with the friends i’ve made on here. i haven’t been very active on here for the past year or so, but i think i’ll start up the old blog again and rejoin the fandoms i have once left. 

before tumblr...

in 2011, i was 13 years old, freshly graduated from elementary school, & feeling lonely. it was a couple of days after my graduation ceremony where my peers and i had our final hurrah and said our goodbyes. some of my classmates were crying, clinging onto each others silly-bandz strapped arms and signing each others yearbooks writing things like “i’ll never forget you” and “best friends for LIFE”, while others were already making plans to hang out at the community centre down the street from our school, knowing that they will be reunited the next year in the high school down the road. i was in neither category. 

the two years i spent at this particular school was marked by feelings of indifference, and the searing, hormone fuelled pain of not fitting in. I have always been the odd one out, the girl that was picked last for gym class, the one adults have described as having an “old-soul” for liking older music & being aware of pop culture and historical events that preceded me. I used to wear it as a badge of honour because these were parts of myself that i really liked, and my friends at my old school liked most about me,  however, my peers at this new school always found ways to make fun of it, to weaponize it against me, to make me feel alienated. these people would also make a point to make fun of my learning disability, my niche interests, & my clothing. i spent most of my days avoiding speaking out loud to avoid being laughed at, i would sit in class and be tormented by the boys who sat beside me, i would come home with tears falling down my face because i just couldnt understand why i couldnt make friends, why nobody liked me, and why was i such a target when i was trying my hardest to fit in. i spent countless hours writing about the bullying and the alienation in my diary, while fantasizing about my old friends from my old school coming to rescue me while the boys in my class spent their recesses following me around, taunting me and calling me ugly, fat, weird, etc. 

i got home from that final day of school feeling nothing. i knew i wasn’t going to miss anybody i went to school with, & that i probably wouldn’t see them again as i was going to a different high school that was located in my old area. but still, that crippling loneliness of spending another summer locked in at home and watching CSI reruns all day filled me with doom.  

Another summer of sitting around and doing nothing but listen to music and get yelled at by mom for not having friends i would think to myself, holding back tears. 

a few days after graduation, i was on Facebook, doing my daily rounds of cyberstalking of everybody i hated. This was before instagram, and before i even knew what a twitter was. i used to share a laptop with my sister & would divide my limited time to Facebook and writing shitty short stories on untitled word documents. writing has always been a form of escapism for me, but i was always too scared to share my writing with anybody but myself. i had dreams of becoming a best selling author, or a screenwriter, or an artist. i couldn’t decide. 

as i was stalking, i received a message notification from a girl named Stephanie, who was a year younger than me, but still tormented me from time to time with her seemingly picture perfect life and abundance of friends. I honestly thought she was trolling me at first. I opened the message, and it was a link to an illustrated photo of the Beatles, one of my favourite bands. 

one of my favourite hobbies during this time of my life was perusing the internet in search of every image possible of the boyband. i would save countless photos everyday to my ipod touch, (that i also shared with my sister). i never posted the photos anywhere, i was just obsessed with the idea of having every photo of them imaginable in my reach. i would spend countless hours categorizing the photos and swiping through them. it would fill me with joy, and make me feel less lonely, as if the band were my friends. 

i remember looking at the photo and really liking it, like i unearthed a new category of photos to peruse and save onto my ipod touch. 

“where is this from?” i typed back to Stephanie 

“I saw it on tumblr” she responded. “it’s a website thats full of photos. you should check it out” 

& on June 15th, 2011, i created my first ever tumblr account: monicahearsawho. 

tumblr days <3 (2011-2015) 

URLS i had that i remember

-monicahearsawho

-fromrockerstomockers

- pete-townshends-ass

- rick-wrong

-donutgirl2004

-eliwoth 

-swedishmodel

-cute2002

tumblr confused me at first, but then gave me the most wonderful sense of sensory overload i could ever dream of. i spent hours just scrolling in awe of all the content, and the mechanisms of the site. i could type blog posts about my life and since no one i knew personally knew about my account i could type my heart away, writing about anything and everything that came up in my head. my anonymity gave me a sense of power. no one on this website knows who i am, no one can make fun of me for my likes and interests, and i can make my blog into anything i ever want. 

i quickly got used to the site and started tackling the beatles tag, and following any blog that posted photos. i quickly realized that so many of these blogs were owned and operated by people like me: teenage girls who loved rock music & vintage things. 

i would look at gifsets of concerts and interviews of my fave musicians in awe, & drooled at the high quality scans that were available and within my reach. and, i would laugh at the jokes these girls would make about them. turning popular quirks and facts into long running and transformative jokes, that somehow felt like an inside joke altogether. 

i started to befriend many of these accounts, and found myself making friends easily, something i have never experienced in real life. once upon a time, we were taught not to talk to strangers on the internet, to never trust anyone you talk to, that we should never share our personal info online, and to never post our faces. i broke all of those rules within weeks of using tumblr. 

with the community i found on tumblr, i was eager and willing to share everything to my friends, who often offered their support and love in return. spending all day talking to my internet friends became my version of going to the park or to the mall with a group of friends. we joked around, talked about our lives, and had fun. we would do selfie trains, go on tinychat, & support each others original content and posts. 

the void i felt during school and was terrified of experiencing throughout the summer has been filled by this newfound friend group. and their friendship saved me, it really did. 

i remember hogging my sisters computer for hours on end, until i was finally gifted my own computer. this allowed me to be on the website more frequently, which led to me being able to start creating content and being more immersed in the community. i felt confident enough to start making my own jokes and memes, and finally have people laugh with me instead of having people laugh at me. i suddenly became a “funny” account, or at least an account that didn’t take itself so seriously. yeah, i liked reblogging “high-quality” photos on my blog, but that didn’t stop me from posting about things going on in my personal life, joking about the people around me, & reposting memes and other forms of shitposts. i couldn’t get away with any of the shit i was saying if i was posting on Facebook, and i loved it. i realized i didn’t have to spend my days looking at the lives of people who hated me, and i hated back. instead, i could spend my days with my own friend group, and have fun with people who wanted to communicate with me. 

i started high school, and while i made new “IRL” friends, i still used tumblr religiously. high school was not the transformative institution i once hoped it would be, but it at least gave me a clean slate, and an escape from the bullies who tormented me. i was a very plain student, i kept my mouth shut, did my work, and saved my energy for tumblr. i would get home from school everyday and run straight to my computer, where i would post for a bit until dinner, do some homework, and then scurry back on to post some more. i would inform everybody about my day, and really take advantage of the fact that no one i knew IRL followed my account. i posted about anyone i wanted to, i aired out my grievances about life and school without remorse, and i always had my group of friends to interact with. even though i really liked my IRL friends, my internet friends were my priority. I would spend weekends, cooped up in my bedroom, spending hours on tumblr, and gaining followers every day. 

having a following, having people read my posts and interact with me, being known as a “good blog” made me happier than anything in the world. once again, that feeling of being part of a group, not being the butt of every joke, & having fun filled me with so much joy. i remember when i reached 1,000 followers i celebrated with an impromptu solo dance party, but i felt my internet friends with me in the room. 

tumblr was with me through the good and the bad. i didn’t hold back about any of my feelings.i wrote about my good days and my bad days. i wrote about my insecurities & my fears. when i was feeling depressed or anxious, i would post about and would feel good after doing so because there was always somebody who would reach out to me (and of course, i would reach out to anyone else who posted about not having a good day). when my IRL friends would hang out on the weekend and not invite me, i would write about it on tumblr, and would be comforted by my internet friends. i felt so loved and appreciated. 

i used continued to use tumblr throughout the entirety of high school. obviously, as time went on i broadened my scope in terms of content. i still loved the classic rock fandom but also joined the film community and other niche bubbles on the site. i also began to become exposed to so many great resources. i first learned about social issues, current geopolitical events, & other topics through tumblr. tumblr was my introduction to things such as feminism and socialism. i would have insightful conversations with many other accounts about their experiences and educated myself on topics that were not being discussed at school. tumblr was a driving force in my education, as the resources i have been given gave me the opportunity to seek out more information on topics i would never learn otherwise. i seriously don’t know who i would be without the resources given to me from tumblr. 

the later years (2015-2019)

when i graduated from high school, i was 17 years old, and was experiencing the same level of loneliness i felt when i was 13 years old. that same feeling of feeling indifferent towards my IRL peers was there, and while i was (thankfully) not being bullied or tormented anymore at school, i was ready to escape the somewhat suffocating bubble of my peer group. by the time i was in the 11th grade, i realized that my school friends were just school friends. aside from one girl, there wasnt anybody else who hung out with me outside of school hours, i was never once invited to a party, & i had no date to the prom. i had an innate knowing that once we all graduated, i would once be alone, until i found a new social circle. None of us were attending any of the same universities or colleges anyway. and while i had tumblr, many of the friends i have made years ago have either deleted their accounts, or our friendships have outgrown. while i still posted on my tumblr daily, there wasn’t that innate sense of community. there were no more tinychat sessions, there were no more inside jokes, no fandom lore to make fun of. my tumblr experience just became me screaming into the void, and getting little to no responses back. i felt like i had outgrown tumblr much like i had outgrown my high school friends. 

throughout these years i continued to post but without much personality attached to it. i would use tumblr to collect resources, find links for TV show streams, & to pass the time. around this time i wasn’t at home much anyway, as i had started a new job, and began university, which was a shitload harder than high school. 

on the bright side however, during these years i finally found a real friend group to be part of, had boyfriends, existed in the social sphere moreso than i did online, and frankly, i enjoyed myself. i would come on tumblr from time to time but at this point, the fandom blogs i followed did not exist, or had transformed into something else. the tumblr experience became plagued with flagged posts, and boring content. everyone was on instagram and twitter now anyway. 

i would go weeks without opening the app, and when i did i would feel alienated and confused by all of the changes, by the lack of personalities, by the plainness. this would cause me the avoid the app for another couple of weeks before returning, only to be disappointed.

present: a return to the past (2020)

i graduated from university with a degree in history and communication studies in February 2020 i was 22 years old.  i didn’t post about it on tumblr. 

my graduation from university has been the most lacklustre of the three graduations i had experienced throughout my existence on tumblr. in grade 8, i won an excellence award and celebrated with my peers in a church basement, in grade 12 i won the film/video award and celebrated at a convocation hall downtown, in university, i was sitting at home, locked in due to the cornavirus when i received my degree. i’ve never felt lonelier in my life.  

at least before, i was surrounded by people, there was an element of buzz and excitement. there was at least a slice of cake and coffee, and there was always my tumblr to support me and send me a congrats. this time, there was none of that, me and a $20,000 piece of paper, and a pat on the back from my mother. 

yet, despite the years that separate these experiences, the same problems follow. i still am plagued by loneliness, i feel doomed by the future, and its only exacerbated by the pandemic currently going on. 

before, i would spend my days with friends, my nights at work. i had an active social life filled with friends. i started a new relationship that was full of adventure. and now, all of it is forbidden. i haven’t gone out on the town since december, i see my friends in small increments and always in a socially distanced backyard or park, my boyfriend and i spend our date nights in a similar fashion, i love it and am thankful for their presence admist these trying times, but the feeling of impending doom, the loneliness felt during nights alone when no one is available, the feeling of hopelessness and despair which feels so juvenile in theory but so real in practice has made me yearn for community again. 

i started to talk to old friends from the classic rock fandom on twitter, and we began to revisit some popular lore and memes that made our teenage years so much fun. since then we have made a group chat, and have continued to reconnect with other people who were once in the fandom, now as young adults. we stream movies and other fun videos together, we spend our nights talking about our lives and supporting each other. that feeling of being connected, and being involved in each others lives has rekindled a kind of lost hope within me. before, i used the internet to cope with anxieties that came with being a teen, and now i am using it to cope with being a young adult living through a pandemic and many existential crises. even though i dont consider myself such a beatles fanatic anymore, it doesn’t matter because our friendships have become so much more than what beatle we think is the cutest. 

i’ve realized that tumblr can become, once again, that form of escapism and community that it once was, and that with everyone being locked in, we don’t have to be alone. 

tumblr has always been my place when i have felt the most lonely and the most vulnerable. and the friendships i have made on here have been stronger and more supportive than most i have experienced in real life. and i miss the old days of spending my weekends and evenings on here. online communities like the ones on tumblr are powerful and beautiful spaces. and i am so thankful for my years being spent on here. 

[stellar-imagines]

SCENARIO REQUEST: ❝time swap.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Bakugou Katsuki ]

time (noun.) ― the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. 「Young Bakugou gets hit by a time swap quirk and temporarily swapped places with his 16 year old self.」 ❝From the past? Future? Time swap? Whaat?❞  

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

“Where the fuck am I?”

His vermillion hues glanced around the unknown apartment, taking its decorations and the items laying around. Did the villain had some sort of teleporting quirk? He looked down to see that he was still dressed in his hero outfit, littered with a few scratches here and there. The sound of feet padding against the wooden flooring snapped him out of his reverie, reminding him that he was standing in a stranger's apartment. As he was about to leave, he heard a familiar voice call out to him. He visibly tensed up, looking up to see a [Hair Color] haired girl dressed in a T-shirt that was clearly too large for her. He instinctively took a step back, a wild blush decorating his cheeks. 

 "Did you trip over your shoes again? I told you that you shouldn't―Oh?"  you cut yourself midway, observing the male who stood before you. 

 "Katsuki, did you shrink or something?" you asked with a teasing smile. 

 "What the fuck are you doing here, munchkin!?" he raised an accussing finger at you. 

 "Ah, how nostalgic. Just so you know, I live here with you." you pointed out. 

 He stared at you with confusion, looking at you as if you just grew another head. The male took 5 whole seconds to process what you had just said, eyes widening in shock and mouth dropping open in disbelief. Bakugou's cheeks redden, was this just a part of his fantasy? He had already come in terms with his feelings towards you. It was undeniable that he had dreams of holding hands, going on dates and living together with you ― also those other dirty things that he refused to acknowledge. You giggled softly at his flustered form, covering your mouth with the back of your hand. Bakugou noticed how much you've changed, your hair had gotten longer and you were visibly taller ― but of course, not as tall as he was. There were other things he noticed too but he kept those thoughts in the back of his head. 

 "Anyway, why don't you come in and sit down?" you offered. Bakugou still couldn't properly process the situation, finding this all hard to believe. He reluctantly followed you inside after discarding his shoes. You motioned him to the couch before running off to the kitchen where you began making some tea. 

He observed the living room, spotting a few things that caught his attention. On the shelves there were some photos. He saw one that appeared to be a graduation party, everyone was there. In the picture you were smiling brightly with him standing behind you, looking as annoyed as ever. Then he looked at the others. There was one with the two of you together at the Tokyo towers, one at Osaka and lots more. There were also photos of you and your family and one photo that Bakugou had in his own living room ― a picture of him with his parents. 

But one stood out the most out of the rest. It was a picture of his dressed in a suit, carrying you bridal style with a genuine smile on his face while you had your arms wrapped around his neck, dressed in a breathtaking white gown. You headed back to the living room with two cups of hot green tea, placing them onto the coffee table. 

 "So, you're from the past, huh?" you questioned, sipping on your own portion.

“You still look like you don’t believe me. Doesn’t that prove more than enough?” you questioned, referring to the pictures on the shelves.

“You....and I are together?” he mumbled softly. If you had been spacing out, you wouldn't have heard him. Putting down your cup of hot tea, the male slowly made his way over to the couch.

"Yes, is it that hard to believe? We've been living together for 4 years. Do you want me to show you the contract you and I―well you in the future―signed? Or perhaps, you want me to show you the video taken on our wedding?" you questioned with a teasing smile.

"What? Why would I want to see that shit!? You already have that fucking ring and I saw the wedding pictures! I’m fucking convinced already." his cheeks flared up, instantly looking away from you to avoid your gaze. 

With a smile, you moved closer towards him until your shoulders were touching. The ash blonde hissed and instinctively shot up, backing away from you.

"The fuck do you think you're doing, munchkin!?"

"Sorry, sorry. Its just a habit you know! You usually vent about some shitty villains and shitty coworkers you're forced to work with while we cuddle on the couch." you laughed lightly, finding the flustered boy amusing. The young boy muttered something under his breath before sitting back onto the couch. You moved away from the male. It was surprising to see Bakugou’s younger self placed in the future. You could easily relieve your past just by looking at him. You recalled the days you would persistently flirt with him to get his attention.

And it was really worth it. You couldn’t be happier. Living with the person you love and getting married was like being in a dream you never want to wake up from. When you were younger, you would feel depressed at the times Bakugou would brush you aside and not acknowledge your existence. You smiled softly at the events that let you to this point in your life where you are living with Bakugou.

“Well I didn’t tell you to stop.” Bakugou grumbled, snapping you out of your reverie. You beamed brightly, taking note of his reddened cheeks. You wasted no time and launched yourself at him, rubbing your cheek against his.

“Awwww, you’re so cute, Katsuki!”

“Stop that, shitty girl!” he yelled. Even though his tone was one filled with displeasure, he didn’t do anything to pry you off which made you coo at him even more.

“Now that I think about it I wonder where my Katsuki went.....because I promised him some cuddles after work.” you hummed.

You had always believed that if you continue to persist, put effort and show confidence, you could achieve anything. That was why you never gave up on your crush. At times, you would wonder if you were just being a nuisance or not, at the end of the way, you would always feel drained and exhausted. Sometimes you even wonder if what you were doing was right. The internship had managed to give you some time to think about your original goal and you were thankful for that. Your phone shook in your hands, causing you to instantly sit upright on your bed. With a wide grin, you excitedly unlocked your phone and replied to the message.

There was always something that sparked inside you when Bakugou texts you first. You would feel light, as if your were floating and resting on the softest cloud there is. At the same time, your chest felt tight and suffocating. You took a while to reply, wondering why he was asking your location all of a sudden. Confused, you informed him that you were in your dorm room and asked why he was asking you. Did he want something? You shook your head at the thought, it was impossible. Slowly easing yourself into a comfortable position on your bed, you let out a relaxed sigh. Today, you could just relax and chill, sleep away all your worries.

“Oi, fucking open up, [First Name]!”

Or not.

“Bakugou?” you rose from your bed and slowly made your way over to your door, slowly opening the door to see that the said male was standing before you.

“Uh....did something bad happen? I mean, you’re calling me by my given name which is.....something that has ever happened before in my entire life.....” you trailed off, starting to get a little bit doubtful. Something must’ve happened, the Bakugou you knew wouldn’t just suddenly start banging on your door and call you by your given name. With caution, you pushed open the door wider, only to be pushed back onto your bed.

A squeak left your lips when you felt his arms around your body, holding you close to him. You laid there frozen, unsure of what you were supposed to do. This was something that you had only seen in your dreams and not something that would happen in real life that easily. But it felt odd, the person hugging you certainly looked like Bakugou but he was so much taller and more on an adult too. Who is this guy? A villain or something? He grabbed your chin and moved in closer.

“W-Wait! What are you trying to do?”

"Wh-Who are you? Are you Bakugou? Or mot Bakugou? Or a Bakugou look-alike? A villain disguised as Bakugou!?" your head was already swarming with unrealistic scenarios and assumptions. As much as you enjoyed being held like a lover by your crush, it felt odd. His warmth was there and his arms didn't seem fake to you either. Your lips were unbearably close and you were sure he could hear the beating of your heart. And what flustered you even further was the fact that he appeared unfazed at all.

The sudden ringing that reverberated in the air interrupted him from advancing further. You watched as Bakugou pull out his phone from his right pocket, and answered the call, pressing his ear against the device. When he pulled away, you took the chance to calm yourself down and sit up on your bed, watching his every move.

"What do you want?" his voice came out harsh.

“Katsuki! Where are you right now?”

“Getting ready to devour your high school self.” he replied nonchalantly.

“H-Hey! That’s no good! I don’t know how pent up you are but please refrain from ruining the innocence of a pure 16 year old high school student who’s struggling to get their crush to notice her!” Bakugou heard you whine from the other side.

“I’ve analyzed this situation and come up with a conclusion that your younger self have been hit with some sort of time swap quirk, so you’ve swapped positions with your younger self―who is here by the way―Hey, hey, hey! Come here and say something to yourself. It will be kind of cool, don’t you think?” you said in a playful manner. In the background, he could hear his own voice in the background, protesting and yelling at you.

“Anyway, don’t do anything stupid until the quirk wears off―” Bakugou abruptly ended the call, not wanting to hear the future you lecture him about things at the moment. He shoved his phone back into his pocket. The male slowly turned his attention towards you.

“So, the future us are dating?” you questioned after he ended the phone call. You had this smile on your lips, one filled with joy and happiness but the tone of your voice was a little bit nervous. It was weird to have Bakugou come after you when it was normally you who chased after him. You would always feel down whenever you fail to make him look at you and today was one of those days. But after learning the whole situation, this was only temporary and something that you would have to face in the future.

“Yeah.” came his blunt response.

Although the fact that in the future you would be dating Bakugou, it didn’t change the fact that the Bakugou from your time never even bothered to look at you. Besides, this thing is temporary and it shouldn’t be wrong to take advantage of it right? You moved in closer, giving him your full attention.

“As expected, you’re handsome in the future too.” you beamed innocently.

“Wh-What the fuck are you saying, munchkin?!” Bakugou was flustered all of a sudden, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. You giggled, even as he aged, he’s still flustered when you compliment and flirt with him.

“I was just complimenting you. Even though we’re dating in the future, you still get flustered, that’s cute.” you cooed, leaning closer towards him, peering up at him with a teasing smirk on your face.

Smoke began to fill your vision for a brief moment, you coughed lightly and shielded your eyes. When you reopened your eyes, you found yourself staring into a pair of crimson hues. You blinked a few times before smirking even more deviously. It was the same Bakugou you had known for years.

“Aw, getting a little clingy, aren’t you? Huh, Ba~ku~gou~kun? Have you finally realized that you reciprocate my feelings? It’s only a matter of time until you realize that.” you said in a sing song manner.

“Shut up, shitty girl!” Bakugou hissed at you, cheeks burning bright red in embarrassment.

Meanwhile,

“Oh, you’re back, Katsuki!” you smiled when the male in your hands had changed into the man you can proudly call your husband. Well, the Bakugou from the past was basically a younger version of him. He growled lowly and wrapped his arms around your frame, holding you close.

“You fucking owe me cuddles.”

Total: 2200 words Published: 19.01.2019

Thank you for requesting! *｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و*｡ This was an interesting request to write! Hopefully that we didn’t confuse the timelines. We made a horizontal line to separate two different times. It will take us a longer time to finish the requests we have because I have tons of assignments to face uwu

For those who are in the same situations, good luck!  ― author Lou Thank you for requesting! I really like this request and this was my first time writing something like this. I, too, have tons of work to do and will be to busy to type so I will try my best to finish up everything. Have a nice day everyone! ― author Natsuki

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

[thisisusfan388]

This Is Us - season 2 finale

Ok, so I’ve watched the This Is Us season 2 finale last night.

 Wow- it was such an amazing finale!!! It was perfect, just perfect, everything that I’ve hoped for in a This Is Us season finale. It was a brilliant combination of flashback, present time and flashforward.

Do not read ahead if you haven't watched the episode, you've been warned...

 The Past

 The scene of young Kate asking Jack if she could marry him, and Jack telling her that she’ll one day find someone who’ll be even better than him, then bringing us back to the present where Kate walked don the aisle, wow, I really loved that! So heartwarming. <3

 The Present

 First off, Kate’s dream sequence in which the old Jack made an appearance and Jack and Rebecca celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary was just soooo beautiful!!! <3 <3 <3 I loved each and every scene of the anniversary. It’s such a joy to see Jack and Rebecca still so much in love with each other and everyone being happy for them. It was wonderful especially to see the looks of joy on the Big Three’s faces. Like Mandy pointed out in an interview, this is the first time that Milo got to shoot a scene together with everyone else besides her and the kids ( yes, he shot a scene or two with adult Randall and adult Kevin before, but this is the first time that everyone was there) so shooting this scene was a big deal for the cast members :)  She also mentioned in the same interview that the photos of the old Jack and Rebecca weren’t supposed to leak out and they were bummed that it did. This entire scene was supposed to be a pleasant surprise and a lovely tribute to all the fans! Also, loved Mandy singing Moonshadow <3

 All the scenes leading up to the wedding itself were great too!! :)

I love that they used the cabin as a place to spend the night to prepare for the wedding- it’s so nostalgic for them indeed. Also, Kate having the pre-wedding jitters and freaking out about not being able to find Jack’s old T-shirt, loved that! It is understandable that she wanted badly for her dad to be present in some form at her wedding, which Is why she was frantically trying to find something belonging to her dad to wear or bring to the wedding. She even went all the way to the ice cream shop they often visited only to be disappointed. Finally though, she found the only solution, and it was to let go of her father a little. It doesn’t mean that she’ll forget her beloved dad completely, she’ll still cherish her moments and memories with him which will last forever, but she needed to stop clinging onto memories of him which prevent her from enjoying her future and moving forward to the present. Jack was her past, Toby is her present and future. Which is why I really loved the scene of her siitting next to Jack’s urn and telling him that she needed to let go of him a little. This was what she actually needed.

 I loved Kevin and Randall’s scene in the car too, playing the ‘worst case scenario ‘ game and then talking about how they’ve ‘failed ‘Kate.

 Back at the cabin came the scene which made me cry. Rebecca, trying her best to pick her words to Kate carefully as she didn’t want to set her off, was about to leave the room as she didn’t want to ruin Kate’s moment. This is so sad, that Rebecca feels that she can’t be near Kate because every single thing she does or says would set Kate off ( which is true). But what Kate said next was what brought tears to my eyes. She said that actually, Rebecca was her way, and she wanted to be just like her- beautiful, a singer, and having a loving husband. Rebecca started crying and so did I. This scene was so profound and personal for me. This scene itself explains Kate’s behaviour towards Rebecca all this while. And it also mirrors my relationship with my mom, which is why this scene really got to me.

 Toby- I’m so proud that he told his parents off when they expressed their reservations about Kate. While it was understandable that they would have reservations about her after what happened to Toby’s prrevious marriage and his bout of depression after that, what Toby said was right. Kate is not his ex-wife and they should give her a chance. I’m so glad and proud of Toby for standing up for Kate :)

 We also are introduced to Zoe- Beth’s cousin, who was brought up by Beth’s parents, and so is like a sister to her. Off the bat, I already like her, she seems like a sweet and cheerful person. What I like the most about her is how she managed to talk to Deja and convince her to wear a nice dress. ;) I’ll talk more about Deja later.

 As for the wedding itself, it was soo beautiful1!! Kate really looked stunning in her wedding dress. :) And Toby looked handsome too. I loved seeing Tess and Annie be the flower girls and I really loved Kevin and Randall walking Kate down the aisle. If her dad couldn’t walk her down the aisle, at least her brothers could. In Grey’s when Amelia walked down the aisle alone in the season 12 finale, I really wished that Derek was still alive to walk her down the aisle. :(

Anyways, back to This Is Us- it was such a beautiful moment when Kate and Toby looked at each other and kissed, full of love for each other. <3

 The wedding night was beautiful too, with Kate dancing with Miguel and Toby dancing with his mom. Of course, it has to be ruined by something right? When Kate went Toby’s mother inadvertently set Deja off by saying that she ‘looks like her dad’, Deja goes to smash Randall’s car. This, I’ve to admit, has gone way out of line. I mean, I sympathized with Deja in the previous episodes , and can totally understand why she would be mad at her mom for giving up her parental rights towards her, but this is way too much. This is not how you repay a family who was kind enough to take you in again and again and give you a safe and warm environment to stay in and care for you. That time when they immediately went to check on her after returning from Vegas, and let her return back home to them, it showed that they really cared for her. Her behaviour has gone overboard. Enough is enough. It’s clear that Randall loves his car so much, so he would be devastated when he finds out.

 Back to the wedding night, Kevin’s and Randall’s toasts were beautiful. <3 <3 Kevin was right, the 4 of them needed to let go of Jack. They were clinging onto memories of him, and will of course still miss him and he’ll still be in their hearts. But it was time for them to move on and look ahead to their future. I think them taking deep breaths after his speech was a liberating moment for them.

 Randall’s toast was just beautiful. He gave a beautiful tribute to Kate and Toby. The best part of Randall’s toast? It was the fact that it was interspersed with glimpses into the future!! I really really loved that as I have always loved flashforwards <3 <3

 Future

 Speaking of flashforwards, we are now given a glimpse into the future of the characters.

 1 year later- Toby is back in depression and Kate suggests that he visit a doctor to adjust his meds. While it’s so sad that he’s back in depression, Kate is still there with him and I’m sure she’ll support him through this and they’ll get through this together. * fingers crossed*

 Also 1 year later- Kevin is on a flight to Vietnam, with a photo of Jack in his hand. But…hang on a second, he’s not alone. Who is that lady beside him, leaning on his shoulders? It’s Zoe, Beth’s cousin! And it’s obvious that they are an item now. This leaves a lot of questions- how did they end up together? ( We get to see how they meet though at the wedding). And if Kevin is now with Zoe, how about Sophie? I mean, is Alexandra still on the show? Also, will this mean that Justin will take a break from the show or something?

 20 years later- we see a scene of an adult Tess and an older Randall again. Randall suggests that they go to see ‘her.’ But we don’t know who is the ‘her’ he’s referring to. Lots of people would think that it’s Deja, because it immediately cuts to the scene of Deja smashing Randall’s car. Maybe she gets admitted into a mental institution or something. But, I actually don’t think the ‘she ‘he is referring to is Deja. I’m actually more concerned for Beth and Annie, both of whom are absent from the flashforwards we saw so far. Maybe Beth died and Randall is talking about visiting her grave. This would make sense for Tess to not be ready, as she is still grieving over her mom’s death. Or it might be Annie who is debilitated in some way and is lying in a hospital bed in a coma. I really hope not. It also might be another person,, someone we haven’t even met yet.

 Either way, this was a brilliant episode, which warmed our hearts and made us cry again, and leaves us with so many unanswered questions.

 Until then, we’ll have to endure the long hiatus before the next season returns. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to make the hiatus bearable by writing some This Is Us fics :)  Do not hesitate to send me a prompt if you have one. :)

 Please do let me know what you think of this episode ok- you can reply to this post, reblog with your own comments or send me a message- anon or not, it doesn’t matter. I would just love to hear from you!! <3 <3 <3

[gyeomgotme]

Youth

Request : I'd like to request a scenario with Mark where he meets by chance his young love? and make it smut if possible? 

Genre : Smut & Angst

Length : 4 818 words

Warning : Contains love/hate sex, rough sex and strong language.

Description : After a hard break with Mark and 4 years of absence you finally come back to your old town. What will happen then...?

A lot of memories came back to you instantly as you walked through the door of your childhood house. You hoped to see your parents again, sitting on the sofa, arms in each other's arms, but the harsh reality had hit you so hard when you realized the coldness of the place. Your parents weren’t here anymore, living separately from each other now, and you had to take care of selling that house which was once yours. You never imagined that being a real estate agent one day you would sell your parent’s house the day they would divorce.

You walked around the house, each room reminding you a part of your past. As you entered your teenage room you realized that nothing had changed. Your parents didn’t touch anything since the time you had argued with Mark and left to move in town. The lamp you had thrown that day was still on the floor, pieces of glass scattered around it. You remember rushing to get some suitcases and taking your most important stuffs, not wishing to stay here any longer. Mark behind you begged you to stay, melting into apologies but you weren’t listening, just acting like the stubborn teenage girl you were. Even though your decision turned out to be the right one in the end, you were able to do the studies you had dreamed of and find a job that suits you perfectly.

But still you couldn’t help but wonder what Mark had become during these four long years. When you were together he was the kind of person to live from day to day, never thinking about the future.

“Y/N? Are you upstairs?” you heard the voice of your colleague calling you from downstairs.

“Yes, I’m coming” you said as you were going down the stairs quickly, not wanting him to discover this part of your youth. He looked at the living-room with a curious eye, his hands in the pockets of his suit.

“Your parents were really serious when they said they had almost nothing to bring back, why? Don’t they want to keep the sofa, or even the TV?” he looked at the almost never used TV and then looked at you.

“Well, they had quite a hard fight and they don’t want to retrieve objects belonging to the past” you walked around the sofa to gather the glass fragments that were on the floor, beside some family pictures that had been broken in an excess of violence “at least that’s what my mom told me but they both asked me to pick up some of the furniture.”

He nodded “I see, but the house will still be sell as furnished right?”

“It will Jackson, don’t worry. You can go now you know? I think I’ll stay a little more to take a look of what I will have to do during the next days.”

“Fine, I’ll wait at the hotel then but don’t stay too late okay?”

You nodded and he got out of the house, leaving you alone in this big house full of memories. You got up from your position and took off your jacket, throwing it on the dusty sofa. Heading towards the kitchen you took a few garbage bags and started picking up the pieces of glass and broken frames. You took one of the boxes you brought and put the photos in it as well as the books that were thrown to the ground. So you started putting the books on the shelf, in the boxes and the time began to pass by quickly as you were packing up.

You didn’t check the time until you heard someone knocking at the door, it had already been two hours you were here and the night had started falling outside. You got up, wondering who could come here and you saw a face that wasn’t unfamiliar to you.

“What a surprise” you exclaimed “Dorine Tuan!”

“Oh my god, Y/N! It’s so good to see you again” she took you in a warm embrace. You invited her to come in and she did it without hesitation. You didn’t expect to see the mother of your ex boyfriend but especially the one that used to be your baby-sitter you when you were little.

“So how did you know I was here?” you asked, curiously.

“Your car” she smiled and sat down “actually I thought it could be your mom but it’s even better to see you again. You became such a pretty woman.”

She was almost looking at you in admiration and you sat down, next to her “thank you, it actually feels good to see familiar faces.”

“I see you started packing” she looked around “it will feel weird to not have your parents around anymore.”

“I guess you’re right” you sighted and looked at the time a second time, finally realizing that Jackson was probably waiting for you at the hotel. You took your phone out of your bag and saw the battery had died. “I think I should go now, I’m at the hotel with a friend and he’s probably waiting for me.”

“Of course sweetie” you both got up and you pulled on your jacket, taking your car’s key “how long will you stay? I can still see you right?”

“Actually yes, I planned to stay a couple days so I can pack on everything” you got in your car and lifted down the window.

“Good then, I’ll come tomorrow” she kissed your cheek and you waved goodbye as you drove away, well, at least tried to.

Your car first made a weird sound as you were turning the key over and over “come on, don’t let me down now stupid car.” You didn’t stop trying until you saw a thick black smoke escaping from the hood of the car. When you got out of the car, Dorine was walking back to you, probably because she had seen you struggling.

“Seems like you need help” she said a smile of sympathy on her face.

“Seems so yeah” you sighed while going out of your car “can I borrow your phone?”

“There won’t be that much persons working at this hour, let me call my son” she took her cell phone out of her pocket and made you a sign to follow her home, in the house in front of yours. As she was talking to the phone you had so much questions going through your mind, why was she calling Mark?

She opened the door of her house and you were surprised that nothing had changed here. The stain on the white leather couch on which Mark had bled after a fight was still here. As well as the one on the carpet near the chimney, only God knew what you used to do on this couch when his parents weren’t here. You had as many memories in this house as in yours and you felt a little pinch in your heart as Raymond Tuan stepped forwards you, arms wide open.

“Y/N it's great to see you again, you're beautiful” he said caressing your back gently as Dorine looked at you, a broad smile stuck to her face. You had always considered them like a second family and seeing that nothing had changed gave you the feeling of going back four years earlier.

“It’s great to see you too, I see nothing has changed here.”

“You’re right” Dorine said “by the way, Mark will be here in a couple of minutes, you’ll leave soon don’t worry.”

You couldn’t help but ask the question that burned your lips “why Mark?” your question probably sounded a little rude but he was actually the last person you wanted to see right now.

“Our Mark works in a garage, at Franck's remember?” you nodded, remembering the only garage that was present in this town “He is a mechanic there.”

“Oh I see” you said, wandering in your thoughts “can I borrow the bathroom quickly?”

“Of course it’s upstairs-”

“Besides Mark’s room, I remember” you smiled and went upstairs. You weren’t really surprised to see that the horrible pink wallpaper was still there, as well as the huge mirror at the end of the corridor. You knew what was behind all the doors in this corridor and the one where Mark’s name was written on it was tempting you. Hand on the doorknob you entered the room where a lot of your teen memories were still trapped inside. You weren’t surprised to see that nothing had changed here either, it was still the room of the teenage basketball fan. What surprised you the most is that there was still this place on his wall above his bed where he hanged all of the Polaroid you both took together.

Seeing all of those pictures made you feel nostalgic, you thought he could have probably thrown them away, just like you did. But he didn’t, he even kept the frame near his bed where there was a picture of you two at the beach, hugging each other.

“Y/N sweetie, Mark is here” you heard from downstairs. You quickly got out of the room, not wanting anyone to see you and went to the living-room. Immediately your gaze landed on Mark, god he was handsome. He had always been good looking, sometimes making girls in your school jealous because he only had eyes for you. As you were coming down the stairs he turned to you, revealing his face. Your breath was stuck in your throat while you saw him smile, looking at you.

“Hey Y/N, it’s been a while” he said approaching you, ready to take you in his arms. You put your hand on his chest to prevent him from hugging you, being too uncomfortable to do it after all these years and especially after your hard break. The atmosphere was now awkward and Mark lost his smile, making you regret your movement.

“Hum let me show you my car” you finally said, breaking the silence. He follows you outside and you open your car so he can take a look. He looks very professional in the way he acts and it's strange to see him as serious and focused. You only notice now by looking at him that he’s wearing an overall and it’s making him even sexier. When he lifts his head you look away, hoping he didn’t see you.

“Okay so, I think we got a problem here” he says, wiping his hands with a greasy towel while you look at him again. His eyes pierce you and you cross your arms to avoid showing any signs of nervousness.

“Which is?” you ask, clearly irritated.

He contracts his jaw because of the way you talked but doesn’t say anything “we need to change some of the car parts and unfortunately I don’t have them here, everything is at the garage.”

You sighed, even more frustrated than before “and can’t you go find them? I really need to go.”

“Why? A boyfriend is waiting for you?” he asked in an arrogant tone, a little smirk on his face.

“No, no boyfriend and even if I had one it’s not your business anymore” you turned around, quite upset now and were heading towards your house, taking the keys from your bag.

“So what, you’re just leaving? I see you still like to run away.”

This sentence echoed in your head and you turned around so quickly that you came in front of him in just two steps “you know what Mark? Fuck you! I left that day because of you!” you were almost screaming “you cheated on me! In front of my eyes you jerk! So yes I ran away and I’ll do it until I don’t have to see your face anymore” you finished almost breathless that everything came out so suddenly. Mark’s mouth was wide open and he seemed to be confused.

“I cheated on you? How could have I done that! I loved you since we were four” he said and your heart skipped a beat.

“Look, now is not the time” you sighed “I really need my car” and as you said that a downpour suddenly fell, soaking you up to the bone. Being closer to the door of your house you rushed to enter it, inserting the key in the lock. Mark followed you immediately and you both found yourself in the living room immersed in darkness. Only the sound of drops falling on the floor echoed, making the atmosphere heavy. You took off your jacket and you felt Mark looking at you intensely.

“You- you should take off your clothes or you’ll catch a cold” you said, suddenly losing all your assurance. He started lifting up is shirt but you stopped him, putting your hands on his “go to the bathroom, I’ll try to get you dry clothes.”

“It’s not like you’ve never seen me naked” he came closer to you, his menthol breath crushing against your face.

“Just go upstairs, for the love of god” you sighed and he laughed while going upstairs. You went to your parent’s bedroom, hoping that your dad had left some of his clothes. Searching in the wardrobe you were actually surprised to see that there were quite a lot of clothes left. You took a simple black t-shirt with a pair of basketball shorts and went upstairs to leave them in front of the bathroom door. You knocked on it “I’ll leave the outfits in front of the door” you said and walked back when you heard the door opening. You turned back to see Mark only wearing his boxer shorts. Your gaze wandered all along his body, not missing a single part and you had to say, he got really muscular with the time.

“What are you looking at?” he asked, that arrogant smile glued on his face. Obviously it wasn’t possible for him not to be arrogant for more than two minutes.

“Nothing” you said and quickly turned back to change yourself in your old room. Having left your suitcase in the car, you were forced to also take clothes from your dad’s wardrobe since your mom didn’t left any clothe. You removed your soaked clothes and seeing that your bra was also ruined by the rain you removed it and put on the large hoodie you had found. Suddenly you heard the door behind you being opened and you thanked God for having had time to dress before this idiot came to violate your privacy.

You heard him laugh “your room didn’t changed a bit” he walked around the room a little before he noticed something “oh look! Even the lamp you threw at me that day is still here. So authentic” you rolled your eyes at his comments and got out of the room, the fact of the two of you being in this room again reminded you too many memories. You went to the living-room downstairs and tried turning on the lights but the fate seemed to be ruthlessness with you because the light remained off, leaving you in the darkness.

“I love cliché situations” said Mark besides you, making you sighed “are we going to make love next? Next to the chimney maybe?” when you felt his breath coming closer to your ear you quickly pulled back.

“First of all, I’ll never have sex with you ever again, you cheater and secondly we don’t even have a chimney.”

“Oh you’re right, the chimney is at my house” he smiled and sat on the sofa, looking at you “but I still don’t know why you’re calling me a cheater, I already told you I would never do that” even after four years he was still playing innocent and that was pissing you off.

“As if” you sat next to him, looking at the black screen of the television “you know, I still remember the party we had at Jaebum’s house, is he still your best friend by the way?” you curiously asked.

“Yeah, he’s working at Franck’s with me. But seriously Y/N, I don’t get why you’re talking about that party? Did something happen there?”

“Listen Mark, you don’t have to play innocent anymore okay? I am a grown woman” you rubbed your hands together to warm them up “I saw you with Jenny that day.”

He looked lost “you saw me? What did you saw exactly?”

“You entered your room, both holding each other’s hand. Don’t you remember? I even heard you” shivers of disgust traveled down your spine as you were reminding what you felt when you saw this. A feeling of betrayal and a broken heart.

“I never went to my room with her! It was Jaebum! They had sex together that night and I said he could take my room!” Mark said as he got up from the sofa, raising his voice.

“Don’t you raise that voice! And if it was Jaebum why was he wearing your basketball jacket?” you rose up your tone as well, not wanting to prove him right.

His hand ran over his face before facing you, bending to be at the height of your face “did you even looked at the name on it? He was also on the team!” that time he started yelling at you and you felt like the time had stopped around you. You were confused, did you really left him and this town just because of a misunderstanding? You could hear your heartbeat echoed in your ears as Mark kept screaming at you.

“See? You’ve always had been like that! You take conclusions too quickly without even trying to understand!” you got up to face him “you fuck me up!”

“Stop fucking screaming! What is done, is done” you started leaving but he held you by the arm, turning you back.

“You’re not going to leave like that before you’re being fucked” you felt a bunch of chills running through your body as he pushed you against the wall, crushing is lips into yours. You gasped at his violence as the kiss seemed to deepened while the tension between the two of you intensified. You pressed your hands on his chest to try to push him back but he tightened the grip he had on your hips, squeezing his fingers in it. You hissed at the sting and he finally broke down the kiss.

“Who gave you the permission to kiss me? Stupid jerk” you gave him a few hits on his chest with your fist before he stopped you.

“Oh but baby girl, I never needed a permission” he moved forward you, making you stepped back until you tripped over the sofa, falling on it. He leaned his arms on the back of the couch behind you and slipped his soft lips into your neck, making you shiver. When you felt his hands running over your naked thighs you couldn’t help but whimper at the feeling of his cold hands.

“Mark s-stop, please” you pleaded even though you knew that’s not what you wanted.

A small raspy chuckle flowed out of him “save the please for later because I won’t stay gentle” you gasped at this and when he moved back from you, you could see his dark gaze, literally devouring you. Biting your lower lip you shut your legs to rub your thighs together, the flame in your core lit up. “I know you want it too, you always liked when I was rough” his hands surrounded your thighs to lift you as he laid you on his shoulder. A moan falls from your lips as his hand came down on your ass, delivering a harsh slap. You could see him climb the stairs and then enter your teenage room, throwing you on the bed. He crawled on top of you, resting his muscular arms on both sides of your head.

“What should we do with your case now baby?” his large hands trailed down your body, running down your waist as he separated your legs, making sure he was nicely positioned between them.

“I-I really don’t think that’s a good idea” you finally said, collecting the little courage you had left.

He grunted as he began moving down on you, ghosting his plump lips over your neck “of course it is. You left me for no reason so now I’m going to wreck you, so hard, you won’t even remember your name” when he finished his sentence, his lips came to your collar bone to suck up your skin, sometimes biting you. Your hands flew up to tangle in his hair while small whimper were coming out of your mouth.

“Ah~ Mark” you moaned, pulling a little more on his hair. He swiftly grabbed both your hands with one of his, pinning them above your head while going up to your face, his lips roughly kissing yours. His hand came up to your hair and pulled them so he could deepen the kiss as his tongue sucked up yours, making you moan into his mouth.

“I forgot how sexy your moans were” he seductively whispered between your kiss. You had the feeling that your lips were on fire because of his fierce kisses; he looks at you in a way that’s making you consume. The hand that wasn’t holding your arms slid along your sensitive body until you felt him caressing your skin under your hoodie, creating a swarm of shivers as soon as you felt his cold hands against you belly. Mark’s hands are always touching you, rubbing small circles into your skin, dangerously going towards your unclothed chest. Without warning he swayed his hips forwards, grinding against your core while his fingers were stroking your breasts and brushing your nipples until they stiffen into peaks.

“M-Mark we really need to stop be-before” he grinded a second time against your core, making you wetter and stopping your sentence.

“Before what baby?” he asked, a chuckle coming out his filthy mouth. Before you could have time to finish what you were trying to say he forced his tongue into your mouth taking your breath away. He pushed away only a few seconds to remove your hoodie as he returned into your swollen lips, barely letting you breath. His tongue was burning against yours, as well as the rest of your bodies. The feeling of warmth and of well-being made you lose your mind, forgetting that what you were doing wasn’t a good idea.

“Be-before it’s too late” you barely whispered when he finally left your lips. He straightened up to pull off his t-shirt and you couldn’t look away as you watched his perfectly draw torso. You took advantage that he had let go of your hands to touch him, your limbs trembling with excitement. That smug grin of his returned as he silently watched you, half-naked and completely turned on. Your hands slipped down slowly to his belly until you reached the edge of his shorts. You started playing with the knot retaining his bottom when you started undoing it, letting the shorts slipping on his firm legs.

“It’s already too late sweetheart” Mark said, hooking his long fingers around the crotch of your panties, pulling them down. Your timidity took over and you placed your hands on his, not wanting him to see your whole body uncovered “since when are you shy?” He asked, although it didn’t really sound like a question, as he ripped your panties off of you. You whimpered when you felt the cold air hitting your wet core. His fingers travelled down your stomach to found your sex and ran two of his fingers through your dripping folds. You bit your lip holding your moans as he looks deep into your eyes.

“Why are you trying to hold back baby?” suddenly he pulls a finger into you, letting a loud moan out of your mouth. His long slender finger is going deep as his lips struck your neck; latching onto the sensitive flesh. He curls his finger inside of you and you feel your body getting hotter while he suddenly adds another one.

“No, please, Mark” you plead, not even knowing for what. You would like him to stop, you would like to stop thinking about the consequences, but nevertheless, these thoughts remain in a corner of your head. “We can’t-” you moan one more time, feeling a familiar heat growing into your stomach. Suddenly you took off his arm and pushed him away with the little strength that remained in you. You got up from the bed and headed towards the door of the room but Mark held you back, gripping your arm firmly. You kept your back turned, realizing that you were still naked.

“We are not over Y/N” he said, increasing a little more the pressure he had on your arm.

You hid your body with your hands as you turned around “stop acting like I’m yours Mark! We’re not together anymore and what we were doing is wrong, so wrong.” He clenched his jaw, probably irritated but didn’t leave your gaze, his eyes becoming darker.

“I didn’t want to be rough” he sighed, a small grin appearing on his face “but you leave me no choice baby girl” hearing the old nickname he used to gave you caused a drag of chills along your spine. Despite the anger you felt towards him you couldn’t prevent your body from reacting as he spoke again “now go back on the bed, on all fours.” His order made you widen your eyes, detailing every inches of his face to make sure he was serious.

You frowned “yeah, dream about it” you said in an arrogant tone before trying to go out again. This time he pressed you against the door, his burning torso glued to your back. His hands wandered on your hips, going down your thighs to spread them brutally. “What the-” you stopped in the middle of your sentence when you felt the tip of his member grazing up and down your sensitive slit. When did he took off his boxers? You asked yourself, your brain not really working anymore as you felt the heat growing in your body, not prepared to what was going to happen. Suddenly he grabs you by your hair to put your head on his shoulder, teeth grazing the skin of your jaw as you gasped.

“Did you lose your voice?” his hands came to your sides, pulling you onto him so brutally that you have to grab the door so you won’t fall. He automatically started fucking you with rough strokes. You cried out, trying to adjust but the size and the speed was too important for you to. He pulled a little more on your hair so you could look at him; his expression was deformed by the pleasure.

“M-Mark” you breathlessly purred as he brought his lips to yours. One of your hands slipped through his hair as you were still trying to hold yourself with the other one. Just as you were slowly adjusting to his length since he had slowed down, he picked up the pace one more time, grinding deep into you.

“God, you’re so tight” he said, breaking away from the kiss. You felt his hand slipped on yours and then interweave your fingers. This gentle gesture contrasted with his hard thrusts. Your eyes rolled back as you roughly bit your lip, you didn’t want to give him the pleasure of hearing you moan. When one of his hands came to squeeze your breast, you planted your teeth in the arm holding you against the door to remain silent. You wanted to tell him to stop, but you didn’t have the courage. He suddenly pushed his head into your neck, his fangs biting your skin strongly, sometimes sucking it, probably leaving purple marks on your skin.

“I-I can’t take it” you faintly said as his thrusts became harder, making you cry out. You couldn’t hold your moans anymore, letting small whimpers out of your mouth as you arched your back against him. Tears started gathering as your orgasm builds inside of you. He feels it, too, and increases the rhythm, pushing you, higher, harder, faster - and you surrender, exploding around him - a draining, soul-grabbing orgasm.

Not even seconds later Mark finally gave into his high, “oh my-” he groaned as he bit down on his lower lip, resting his head on your shoulder. You feel your body becoming numb and if its grip on your hips wasn’t as strong you would surely collapse.

“I-I hate you” you whimper as he moves away, letting you breathe.

“Yeah right” he sneers and bends to leave a kiss on your forehead. At that moment you know that your story is not over, in fact, it just starts.

[aion-rsa]

Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 Episode 7 Easter Eggs & References

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This Star Trek: Discovery article contains spoilers for “Unification III.”

It’s Spock time! In “Unification III,” Star Trek: Discovery has continued a story that The Next Generation began in 1991. And, in doing so, the series has created an episode of Trek that is both nostalgic as hell and also forward-facing and new. Back before we even knew what Discovery would be like, we were told Michael Burnham was Spock’s adoptive sister. And now, Spock’s sister has come home! 

From TNG vibes to sweet nods to the reboot films, to a lot of references to Spock, here’s all the Easter eggs and shout-outs we caught in Star Trek: Discovery, Season 3, Episode 7, “Unification III.”

New Starfleet Logo on USS Discovery

During the opening moments of the episode, we see that a newer, more rounded Starfleet insignia adorns the shuttle bay of the Discovery. This feels commensurate with the upgrade we saw the ship get last week.

USS Yelchin 

One of the “black boxes” Burnham recovered is from an “old” Federation starship called the USS Yelchin. This feels like a huge tribute to actor Anton Yelchin, who played Chekov in the Star Trek reboot films. Tragically, Yelchin died just before the release of Star Trek Beyond. 

Two-Dimensional Thinking 

Tilly tells Burnham that mapping all the Burn data works fine in two-dimensions, but not in three-dimensional space. This could be a slight nod to Spock in The Wrath of Khan. In that film, Spock points out to Kirk that Khan’s strategies indicated “two-dimensional thinking.” 

Vulcan becomes “Ni’Var”

The new name for the planet Vulcan — Ni’Var — comes from OG Star Trek fan culture. In the 1968 fanzine called Spockanalia, fan writer Dorothy Jones came-up with the word “ni var,” which she claimed was a Vulcan word that referred to “two forms.” This is not the first time this word has made it into canon though; in the 2002 Enterprise episode “Shadows of P’Jem,” the NX-01 encountered a Vulcan ship named Ni’Var.

Saru and Burnham have no idea that Romulans have pointed ears

When Saru learns the Romulans are sharing the planet formerly known as Vulcan, he says: “The Romulans were considered enemies in our time.” Vance points out that “history forgot this in your time, but Romulans and Vulcans were two tribes of the same race…” All of this is true, but the funny thing is that because DISCO’s point of origin happens in 2258, that’s a full eight years before the events of “Balance of Terror,” in 2266, in which Kirk, Spock and pretty much everybody in Starfleet, learned that Romulans looked a lot like Vulcans.

Spock and “Unification III”

The title of this episode is a reference to the two-part episode in The Next Generation, “Unification Part 1” and “Unification Part 2.” However, in the TNG days, some of the multi-part episodes were styled this way; meaning the onscreen text read “Unification II” not “Unification Part 2.” This was also true of episodes like “Redemption II.” It was not the case with “The Best of Both Worlds,” “Time’s Arrow,” or “Descent.” It’s also not the case with the title of Discovery’s first episode of Season 3, “That Hope Is You, Part 1,” which very clearly spells-out the “Part 1.” That said, Discovery is the first Trek series to not actually show the episode titles during the opening credits, a tradition that continued with Picard. (Although Lower Decks used the TNG style and has the titles spelled-out in the credits.) That said, “Unification III” is the very first time an episode title in one Trek series directly posits itself as a sequel to an episode title from a totally separate show. 

Spock’s “death”

Vance mentions that the reunification of the Vulcans and Romulans “took centuries after [Spock’s] death.” To be clear, this is a presumed death. Starfleet’s records would show that Spock fell into a black hole in 2387, right around the time of the Romulan Supernova. They have no idea he actually went back in time to 2258, and also slid sideways into the J.J. Abrams universe in Star Trek 2009. Then, he eventually died in an alternate version of the year 2263 (Star Trek Beyond), which, in the parallel Prime Universe is like two years before Kirk and Spock even meet. 

So, Spock “died” in 2387, according to Starfleet records, but really went back in time to an alternate 2258, which in the Prime Universe, is the same year from which Michael Burnham went into the future. If you count Spock’s “presumed” death established here in Discovery, and his temporary death in The Wrath of Khan, and his “actual” offscreen death in Beyond, Spock has died three times. Starfleet’s recorded death of Spock being false when time travel was really involved also echoes Starfleet’s incorrect records of Spock’s bestie James T. Kirk, who everyone thought died in 2293 on the Enterprise-B (Generations) but, really, time-traveled via the Nexus and died with Picard in 2371. (It’s like space-poetry. It rhymes.)

Finally, it should be noted that all of Sarek’s children end-up as time travelers, except for Sybok, who, in The Final Frontier, touched the face of an evil space god, and got esploded. 

Multiple Spocks! 

The flashbacks we see of Michael talking to Spock (Ethan Peck), as well as kid Spock (Liam Hughes), come from the Discovery Season 2 finale, “Such Sweet Sorrow Part 2.” Combined with the archive footage of Spock (Leonard Nimoy) from TNG, this is the only episode of Star Trek, ever, in which Spock appears three times, played by three different actors and in none of the scenes is the character “alive” in the present. This is also the only time Ethan Peck and Leonard Nimoy appear as young and old Spock in the same Star Trek thing. That said, there are oddly several precedents for Trek episodes or films in which multiple Spock actors appear in the same story. 

In the TAS episode “Yesteryear” Spock (Leonard Nimoy) meets himself as a young child (Billy Simpson.)

In The Search For Spock, Leonard Nimoy appears in the same movie with four other Spock actors, Carl Steven, Vadia Potenza, Stephen Manley, and Joe W. Davis. All of these other Spocks played Spock in his various stages of hyper-aging on the Genesis planet. But, don’t get it twisted, like Billy Simpson and Liam Hughes, these Spocks are canon!

In The Final Frontier, Spock (Leonard Nimoy) is in the same scene with an infant version of Spock. We don’t know who that baby was, but it’s a good bet that it wasn’t archive footage of Nimoy’s actual birth.

In Star Trek 2009, Leonard Nimoy obviously appears alongside Zachary Quinto, but you also have a third, child Spock played by Jacob Kogan. 

In Star Trek Into Darkness, obviously, both Quinto and Nimoy appear.

In Star Trek Beyond, two still photos of Nimoy exist in the same story as Zachary Quinto as Spock.

In the Star Trek: Discovery episodes “Light and Shadow,” and “If Memory Serves,” Liam Hughes plays child Spock in the same episode that Ethan Peck plays an adult Spock.

Anyway. That’s a lot of Spocks! Does any other Trek character come close to having this many people play them? Second place seems to be a tie between Jean-Luc Picard and Christopher Pike, who have each been played by four distinct actors. Oh, and don’t even get me started on Molly O’Brien. 

The Spock flashback!

By now, it’s obvious, but just in case you missed it, the scene in which Michael views archive footage of Spock comes from two different scenes in “Unification II.” One scene, where Spock alludes to “closed minds” happens fairly early in the episode. The rest of the speech, however, happens at the end of the episode. In both instances, Spock was talking to Jean-Luc Picard. 

I never finished the command training program

Tilly mentions that she never completed her command training. This was a major plot point in Discovery Season 2, specifically the episode “Point of Light,” when we saw Tilly win the Command Training Program half-marathon. 

Graduate of the Vulcan Science Academy

Burnham mentions she is a “graduate of the Vulcan Science Academy.” This is something her brother did not complete. We saw Burnham’s graduation day in the Discovery Season 1 episode, “Lethe.” 

“Since the time of Surak”

Burnham mentions Surak, the founder of Vulcan logic. The first canonical reference to Surak was in the TOS episode “The Savage Curtain,” in which Surak fought with Kirk and Spock, alongside Abraham Lincoln. 

Qowat Milat and “absolute candor”

We learn that Burnham’s biological mother, Gabrielle Burnham, has become a member of the Qowat Milat. This references the Romulan warrior nuns, introduced in the Picard episode “Absolute Candor.” Like Elnor, Gabrielle Burnham has a sword on her back. This episode was written by Kirsten Beyer, who, along with Michael Chabon, Akiva Goldsman, and Alex Kurtzman, co-created Star Trek: Picard.

The Temporal Accords

The Vulcan president, T’Rina (Tara Rosling) tells Saru: “Your jump to the future is not widely known, even within Starfleet.” Saru tells her that’s because they don’t want to be “polarizing, given the Temporal Accords.” This references Enterprise, in which Daniels told Archer that the Temporal Accords prevented time-travel from being used illegally. But, it also seems to indicate that Vance hasn’t told all of Starfleet where Discovery is actually from. 

Essof IV

Burnham’s mom mentions that she landed “right back on Essof IV.” This references the planet on which the Discovery crew tried to “capture” the Red Angel. Presumably, Dr. Burnham didn’t land “right” back on Essof IV. She also, clearly, journeyed into the future. How long has she been living on Ni’Var? We don’t know. Long enough to become a warrior nun! 

Needs of the many

Saru and T’Rina briefly debate about the maxim: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.” This originates in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. That said, in The Voyage Home, Spock’s mom, Amanda, pointed out that Spock’s friends believed that “the need of the one” — specifically Spock — was “more important to them” than the needs of the many. Amanda raised Michael Burnham, too! 

Vulcan gongs and fire reference “Amok Time,” and The Search For Spock

When Burnham invokes the T’Kal-in-ket, some very retro Vulcan-ceremony vibes. The gongs and fire are not only evocative of Spock’s “wedding” in the TOS episode “Amok Time,” but also the ceremony in The Search For Spock, in which Spock’s Katra was put back in his body.

Tilly and Burnham still share a room!

After much speculation, it seems very clear now that Tilly and Burnham still share a room. This is because Burnham makes a joke about Tilly asking her to “switch my bed to the other side of the room.” This means that they have been roommates since “Context Is For Kings” in Season 1 of Discovery. Is there just not that much room on the ship? Or do they just like it? 

“Live long and prosper”

Somebody doing the “Live long and prosper,” thing isn’t exactly an Easter egg, but it is the first time we’ve seen Saru give the famous Vulcan salute. Saru joins several other non-Vulcan Starfleet captains who have flashed the famous hand gesture, including Captain Picard and Captain Archer. Is Saru the first non-human and non-Vulcan to do it? It seems so.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Star Trek: Discovery is streaming now on CBS All Access.

The post Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 Episode 7 Easter Eggs & References appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2KIGUj4

[talbottoimasaka]

         Evan Lee                                  

                                            Stephen Shore

           Stephen Shore’s works American Surfaces and Uncommon Places are similar yet different. Both group of works featured pictures of the American landscape back in the 70s and both were in color. However, Shore’s approach in these two works were different and the differences can be seen in the photographs that he made. Both works were influential to modern artists in different ways and are both important works that should be shown to photographers of the future generations.

           Shore’s work American Surfaces was completed in 1972, after Shore came back from a road trip to Amarillo, Texas. According to Shore, he was a New Yorker who never really left the city before until he met friends who were from Amarillo. This was the first photographic trip that he took and during the trip he went out west until Utah and returned east on Route 66.[1] During the trip he took photos of everything he did; everything he saw, everything he ate, and everyone he saw. The interesting part of all this that he took pictures of the mundane, everyday life which was different from how other photographers took pictures; others would take pictures with “sharp compositions and ‘decisive moments.’”[2] Not only this, he used color which was again not the medium used during that time. For this, he got a lot of flak as people did not saw his work as artistic.

           What I find interesting about his work American Surfaces is that all these pictures seem like photos that would be on Snapchat or Instagram. The pictures are from Shore’s everyday life during his trip to the west. They are not composed elegantly or professionally but feels more like someone taking a snapshot during their trip. For example, the photo that he took of a plate of burger and French fries in Dallas, Texas in June of 1972 seems like a photo someone would take of their supper during a trip. It is a photograph that shows us the food he ate and is seen from a higher angle. It feels like if somebody took a picture of their food during a trip to post it on their story on Instagram to tell them what they were having for that day. Another photo that he took in Amarillo, Texas in July of 1972 shows more of Shore’s concept. It is a picture of two telephone booths next to a vending machine in what seems like inside a bus terminal. If this were taken in black and white, it would have been drab and uninspiring as there would be not enough contrast between black and white. However, because he uses color, we can see the white, eggshell white and pink colors contrasting on the wall with the sky-blue color of the vending machine. They come together so elegantly and the pastel like tone of the picture really gives us that 70s feel. This is what Shore was looking for; in an interview, Shore says that every age and culture has a color palette, and by using color photography, you can capture the feelings of that certain period of time in a certain culture.[3]  

           This type of photography continues his next project Uncommon Places. According to Shore, Uncommon Places happened because Shore wanted to experiment with bigger prints. He thought the film that he used before could not really support large prints, so he bought a new camera and started taking pictures of America. His first intention was to do American Surfaces all over again with a bigger print, but the work changed as he moved on with the project. This project was longer than American Surfaces as it was from 1973 to 1981.[4][5]

           At first look, Uncommon Places looks the same with American Surfaces; both projects show Shore on the road, taking pictures of everyday life in America. However, what differentiates the two is the contents inside the photograph. With Uncommon Places, Shore used a 4*5 and later an 8*10 large format camera. This meant using tripods and taking time to set up the shot, which meant it was harder for him to take snapshots of everything he saw. So the photos in this project are more complex and more professional. For example, the photo he took on West Fifteenth Street and Vine Street in Cincinnati, Ohio on May 15, 1974 has so much information that was not present in photographs from American Surfaces. There are layers of signs and buildings and variety of colors from all the different buildings, cars and people. Also, Uncommon Places show more of a wider space than American Surfaces because of its large format. A picture he took on Fifth Street and Broadway in Eureka, California on September 2, 1974 shows a parking lot. What is interesting is again the different colors of all the cars present in the parking lot with the layer of the street behind the parking lot. There is just so many objects in the photo, that a person must take a minute to see and look at everything.

           I think his works are revolutionary and are the origin of photo culture today. His work in American Surfaces feels to me like the perfect predecessor to modern snapshot culture. We take pictures of everything in our lives to put it on social media and show it to our friends and family. Shore’s work in American Surfaces feels like this because he does a fantastic job of taking pictures of his life during the trip to Amarillo, Texas. Uncommon Places on the other hand seems to be the predecessor of large print photography. When one goes to a museum these days and look at photography, most of them are in large format instead. However, what I think is the most important part of Shore’s works is that he used color, when everyone else used black and white. His use of color was able to bring out this nostalgic feeling and tell viewers the story of the 70s and 80s. If it were in black and white, it would have been hard to capture the feel of that period unless there was a visible cue like cars and signs. However, because he uses color, he was able to capture the essence of the 70s and 80s and tell us his story and the story of the 70s together.

 [1] Stephen Shore, “The Road trip.”

[2] Claire Selvin, “Stephen Shore’s Iconic Road Trip Photography Shaped the Way We Take Pictures Now.” ARTnews. May 26, 2020.

[3] “Stephen Shore and American Surfaces,” Spike Productions, November 22, 2011, Vimeo video, 9:09, https://vimeo.com/32521780.

[4] Stephen Shore, “Uncommon Places: An Interview with Stephen Shore,” By Aaron Schuman, Seesaw, January 2004.

[5] Aaron Schuman, “Stephen Shore: “Uncommon Places”(2004),” ASX, December 5, 2010.

Bibliography

Schuman, Aaron. “Stephen Shore: “Uncommon Places” (2004).” ASX. December 5, 2010.

Selvin, Claire. “Stephen Shore’s Iconic Road Trip Photography Shaped the Way We Take Pictures Now.” ARTnews. May 26, 2020.

Shore, Stephen. “The Road Trip.”

Shore, Stephen. “Uncommon Places: An Interview with Stephen Shore.” By Aaron Schuman. Seesaw, January 2004.

“Stephen Shore and American Surfaces.” Spike Productions, November 22, 2011, Vimeo video, 9:09, https://vimeo.com/32521780.

[mokkoriness]

ROCK AND READ 070 - Hiroto Interview

Return To The Roots, From Zero

Taking the occasion of their 10 year anniversary in 2014, A9 (“Alice Nine” at the time) had parted from their company at the time, and pushing that even further this year, they have achieved true “independence”. Just like the hands of a clock come to a full circle, last year they did their 12th anniversary live with the idea of returning to their roots, and in January of this year, they are making a new start from “zero”. For Hiroto’s first appearance in this magazine in a long time, we did the photoshoot at his roots, a place related to HIDE.

2017 has become a year where the band actually returns to their roots and starts again from zero. You started your own company and do everything yourselves from management and such.

Hiroto: Yes. Because it really is the five of us restarting. Right now there are many things we’re doing for the first time, so everyday the members are all fighting as one. Thinking about it now, when we had just parted from PS Company, the company that we had been indebted to this whole time, we still hadn’t started from zero. Right after we left the company, in order to start activities again we moved on forward while receiving the support from the staff members around us that we had trusted. But after trying things that way for half a year, it didn’t really work out well. Honestly, the past two years up until now was the most difficult time for us. The roughest time for us was when we were making “LIGHT AND DARKNESS”, which we released last year.

It’s as if the situation the band was in was “darkness”.

Hiroto: Yes, it really was. It was really painful during the making of it. But the light was the tour that was to come after that. The fans were waiting for us. What we made just following the path that was lit up by that one ray of light was this album.

So it’s a title that reflected the mentality of the band.

Hiroto: That’s right. Then when we went on tour, the downtrodden feeling that was in the band really lightened up.

Meaning the tour had swept away the darkness?

Hiroto: That’s right. Although we had the resolve to keep on going on with this band and all decided to leave PS Company, after going independent, I think what made it painful for us was our own fault for not being able to fully stomach that we had to do this and bear all the responsibilities ourselves. So the time for us to start from zero came when the five of us all took equal responsibilities, just like when we had first started the band.

Since you had returned to the roots after leaving PS Company, was the 12th anniversary live done with the concept of also returning to your roots musically?

Hiroto: That was the idea. As a clock does a full revolution after reaching 12 and starts over again, we decided to do a live where the songs were limited to the songs we did in our first year. When we did that, our situation really had done a full revolution and we had returned to the start. It was a coincidence.

Meaning you ended up predicting your own future.

Hiroto: It was just a coincidence though. But that’s scary thinking about it now (laughs). But while that was happening, at the beginning of Spring last year we had received a phone call from Ken himself, inviting us to his live event “PARTY ZOO”. From the latter half of last year we have been appearing at many events, and we’ve gotten more and more invitations to appear at events.

You’ve already appeared at a few events right from the start of this year.

Hiroto: We have. Ever since we did the 2-man show last February with Plastic Tree, we’ve gotten more and more offers to appear at events. It seems like up until then, everyone thought that A9 was a band that didn’t appear at events. But as soon as we appeared at events, thankfully, more and more people have been reaching out to us. We also have been scheduling things so that we can appear at events.

Was that the kind of feeling that was in the band since last year?

Hiroto: Honestly, it has been that way ever since around the 8th year of the band. We had just finished our first show at Budokan, the band had overcome its first challenge, and the 10th year anniversary was in sight.

There was this theory at the time that PS Company wanted to avoid events with bands not from within the company.

Hiroto: That’s right. That’s true and after we left PS Company, we wanted to appear at many events. And so many things happened last year that we were in no state to do the tour that we usually do in the latter half of the year, so I think that it was a good thing we were able to perform at many events, both for the band and personally.

Before we further on the conversation, I’d like to ask you to look back on the 12th anniversary live. What was it like?

Hiroto: Before we did the live, I didn’t think that we would be trying so hard to match the feeling of the visuals from early on. But we had just started making preparations around the time we released “LIGHT AND DARKNESS”, and that was a time when we were the least decorated. It was a time where we did things like playing in casual clothing, trying to change the formation of the members on stage or having a two-part live. For us, those were very new things. But we realised that it wouldn’t be very persuasive if we were to do the 12th anniversary live like that. So instead we decided to go all out and had our outfits made based on the outfits back then. When we were getting fitted for the outfits, they were made so well it made me think “They went all out!”. After that when we went to do the photoshoot for the artist photos at Hamamatsu, when we had the heavy make-up with our outfits, we were like “This is pretty cool though?!” (laughs). It was from then that all the members got into it and were like “Let’s keep doing this!”. Since we were going to go all out with it, we prepared the songs trying not to change the arrangement as much as we could. And since we were going that far…we wore school uniforms just like the one in the music video when playing “Shunkashuutou”, just as we had done during the encore of our very first one-man tour final at Shibuya AX.

The now legendary school uniform performance, right?

Hiroto: We really decided to go all out.

So that was the members’ idea.

Hiroto: That was originally Saga’s idea, and we did it without having any tell us to (laughs). Since it seemed like people wouldn’t expect those guys who just released “LIGHT AND DARKNESS” a few months earlier to do something like this, when we went out on stage in the school uniforms, we got some high-pitched screams for the first time in a while.

(laughs). As we were able to see A9 in school uniforms and watch a nostalgic performance, the live was very well-received.

Hiroto: Lately, more and more juniors have been saying to us “We used to copy your songs”, and we have also been told things like “I was just a junior school student back then, so it was my first time seeing those songs live”. So in that way, it was a live that connected the past and present. It’s the same for us too. We also played a song called “Honjitsu wa Seiten Nari”, a song that we had only performed around twice back then. I remember the scenery from that time. I had slept overnight at the recording studio and my body was attacked by ticks so the company got really angry at me, and I kicked every electrical pole on the way back home. I did the live that day remembering even this sort of insignificant thing. Those memories came back to me as I played the guitar. And after reading the letters I got from fans, it seems like there were many fans who, like me, were watching the live with those kinds of memories.

So what have you gained from doing the 12th anniversary live and returning to the start point?

Hiroto: I recalled the things that I was thinking back then and my feelings back then, so personally, gaining that was a very big thing. It made me remember what the members were talking about at that time and with what kind of feelings we had doing lives back then, so that has become my source of power. Because ever since the band formed, we’ve not really looked back and kept on running forward. Returning to our roots at this time finally made me understand what position we were in. It’s like using Google Maps to check your location; we checked to see where we were standing. That was the 12th anniversary live. That’s what I think about it now.

What was it like when you left PS Company?

Hiroto: I had quit high school…… and before that I had just started a part-time job and until A9 left the company, I’ve not really stopped. I’ve also not experienced not having anything in my schedule, so right after leaving the company, I think that I was confused by the whole situation and didn’t understand what position we were in. I moved forward while trying to find out where I should be, or what I should be doing. I feel that during that live, it was the first time that where I was at was actually the place I was supposed to be at.

And then after finding out where you should be, there was “PARTY ZOO”, the live event you participated in. I think that this was an event where we clearly understood where the band A9 should be.

Hiroto: That’s right. The impression I got after the first day was over was that at the place we should be, we have to stand on stage at least understanding a little bit about our strengths, or we wouldn’t stand up to the competition. On the first day, we had returned to casual outfits on stage.

You also did a setlist mixing in some new songs from “LIGHT AND DARKNESS”.

Hiroto: Yes. We stood on stage as the A9 of the last 1 to 2 years. But…… it was no good. Like “This is not it”. Ken even said to us “A9 are boring!! Why don’t you use your strengths?!”. Miya (MUCC) also said something similar.

What did you think, after hearing those opinions?

Hiroto: I thought that we actually don’t know ourselves. We had received feedback from the “LIGHT AND DARKNESS” tour, so we did a live with our recent selves and added the energy that we had when we first started. But that was not enough. We weren’t up for it with the things that we had just recently gained.

How did you interpret the words that you weren’t using your strengths?

Hiroto: Even if we were to have the faintest idea that that was the case, bands want to use their most recent selves. We had the intention of giving our all and trying to balance that with what was expected of us. There is absolutely no way that we could compete with MUCC with the “Fire Level 1” that we had just learned. We learned this firsthand on stage on the first day. Since we weren’t used to appearing at events, we had no clue as how to compete there. Ken talked a lot about the feeling that we give off when the five of us are on stage. I thought that our greatest strength was those things people kept saying about us ever since we started; that we were in a good way, playboys, or hosts with a prince-like feeling.

Didn’t many people say things like that or “Those guys only have good looks!” when you first started? How did you react to that?

Hiroto: At the time, I hated it. That’s why as a reaction to that, the album jacket for “Alpha” was a photo of us from the neck down.

So you made another full revolution at “PARTY ZOO” in regards to looks. When your seniors questioned what you would do if you didn’t use your looks.

Hiroto: Yes. In a strange way, we started worrying about our age.

What?! Really?

Hiroto: I think that It’s because we were worried about our age, we dressed in a casual style on the first day of the event.

You wanted to appear in a style that would suit your age.

Hiroto: We thought that it was better that way. We thought we should appear in that style because it was an event that many people would be attending. But we were wrong. That’s why we underwent major changes at “PARTY ZOO” in Osaka (laughs). First of all, we were dressed from head to toe in white. We also changed the setlist to do song that were our popular songs. When we did that, the reaction we got was completely different from the first day, and we were finally able to compete. Also, having done things like that, it felt like people were finally starting to notice.

That A9 is Alice Nine.

Hiroto: Right. I think about that every time we appear at events. That people actually don’t know that. I think that there were many people who didn’t notice on the first day of “PARTY ZOO”. That’s why at Osaka, Show had said “We’re A9. We used to perform under the name Alice Nine”. Then there was some murmuring in the crowd (laughs). That’s why we’ve made it a point to say that. After that when we played at an outdoor event called “Visual Festival 2016”, we played in the same outfits as the 12th anniversary live and mainly played those old songs. After the first song ended, the fans that were there to see the younger bands were still seated. But learning from the response we got on the first day of “PARTY ZOO”, when we said “We used to play as Alice Nine”, the people who were sitting suddenly stood up. They had fully understood.

So you even had to return to the start at events too.

Hiroto: That’s right (awkward smile)

But had your seniors not given you advice at “PARTY ZOO”, then the idea of wearing all white outfits…….

Hiroto: Wouldn’t have come about. We had worn the white outfits that was from the time when we did our comeback live, as we had to wear that for the projection mapping. But as expected, this was us. When “PARTY ZOO” at Osaka was over and I was looking at all the bands’ outfits in the dressing room, I did certainly think that there weren’t many bands that suited this kind of look. I thought that our strength was being able to wear something like this. Also, what made me think it was great that we played at “PARTY ZOO”, was the importance of creating a stage together with BAROQUE, MUCC and AKi (SID), bands who were already there when we started. I think that it’s because we spent 2 to 3 months discussing this we were able to come together. The same goes with Ken. Because we were able to connect with him on stage, I feel like our connection with him has gotten deeper.

And then you appeared at “VISUAL JAPAN SUMMIT”. You played this event wearing the all-white clothing too.

Hiroto: Because of what happened at “PARTY ZOO”. Since we were playing the main stage, there was no other choice.

Apart from A9, you also appeared in X SUGINAMI, and played as HIDE. But actually before that, you played as a guitarist for Toshi’s solo stage. Your roots can trace back to HIDE. It really is a mysterious phenomenon, where after going back to your roots, events led you to perform at “VISUAL JAPAN SUMMIT”. It’s almost as if HIDE is guiding the way.

Hiroto: That’s the only way I can see it. First, SUGIZO has suggested to me that I play guitar for Toshi’s solo project, and so I first played for him in the Summer of 2015. That was when I first met Toshi. The reason that I’m doing music is because of HIDE. So I was playing HIDE’s part next to Toshi. I was so nervous and scared, it was the first time that during rehearsals my hands froze. I could only play about half of it. And then on the last day of rehearsals, we all got some private feedback sessions. That’s where Toshi said to me “You’ll be fine. You’ve played plenty of shows up until now, right?”.  And that’s when I wasn’t “Hiroto”, but I had returned to being that kid who had received a huge shock from HIDE. Only then was I able to play properly during the actual show.

You also returned to your roots with Toshi (laughs).

Hiroto: That’s right. That’s what I had done before “VISUAL JAPAN SUMMIT”. Even after doing the live with Toshi, there were things that I had personally been thinking about, so I said to Toshi “I’m going to write you a letter so please read it”. He said to me “Okay. I’ll be waiting”. After that I didn’t have the opportunity to meet him, but I was finally able to give him my letter at “VISUAL JAPAN SUMMIT”. Toshi did laugh about it though, like “You really did write me one!”. I had handed him my letter one and a half years laters, but talks of doing X SUGINAMI came 4 days before the actual show (laughs).  A week before that Miya had called me, asking “Hiroto, can you play X songs?”.

Playing with Toshi led you to X SUGINAMI.

Hiroto: Yes. Just around that time I had strained my back, but by some miracle I was able to stand on stage. But looking back on it now, last year I played as a support musician for Toshi, and now this year the band was invited to “VISUAL SUMMIT JAPAN”. So I thought that this must be something, and thinking that we had no choice but to do this, we played at the event.

You completely transformed into HIDE.

Hiroto: On that day, the same goes for me of course, but the make-up artists and whole team was really into it, so I turned out looking that way. When I watched footage of it afterwards, I did look quite like HIDE (laughs). I’ve never copied HIDE or copied his movements, but once on stage, I was moving quite naturally. I realised that after all, my roots are HIDE. Even if I didn’t think about doing it, it just came to me naturally. It was really strange. Even on Twitter, I received messages from people who didn’t know A9’s Hiroto, saying “It was as if HIDE was there”. I’m also a fan, so I was really glad to have fans who came to see the event of the real X JAPAN think that way of me.

And because of that, now we’re doing a photoshoot at a place related to HIDE?

Hiroto: That’s right. Actually, up until now I’ve never actually voluntarily gone to HIDE’s grave. He’s the reason I’m doing music and because he’s the person that changed my life, at first, I couldn’t accept the fact that he had passed away. That’s why I didn’t want to go there. But right after the entirety of “VISUAL JAPAN SUMMIT” had ended, I suddenly made up my mind that if I was going to go visit his grave, this was the time, so I went to HIDE’s grave without even going home. And perhaps that’s when I first accepted the fact that HIDE is no longer here, and I was overcome with tears. After visiting his grave I went to Miura Coast, and the sky was dyed bright pink. After that I had received an offer to appear in “ROCK AND READ”, so I asked if we could do the shoot at Miura Coast. It’s really great weather today. I went to visit his grave after the photoshoot. I was able to visit with my emotions in order. I thought that I was finally able to accept HIDE’s passing.

I see. So this was the year 2016, where you were able to experience returning to your roots in many different ways. And in 2017, you will be releasing your first new single as A9, “MEMENTO”.

Hiroto: When Saga had first brought the demo, I thought that it was a song jam-packed with all of the experiences we had in 2016 via live events or meeting new people. When we see the people we met while doing events next, we would knock them over with this song. That’s the kind of feelings this song was made with.

It seems like this song will go down well at lives, but it’s a song that changes pace quite fast it could make your head spin.

Hiroto: That’s right. We want to avoid approaching things in the so-called “tried and true” way. Both in terms of our looks and songs. Before we knew it, that’s what we were avoiding. And we had no idea that we were doing that. Many times it’s not our intention but it ends up being that way. That’s why I think we have more songs that are “in the middle”. But to reflect the things that we did last year, we are competing with “MEMENTO”.

So to you, who has retuned to the roots, what kind of year do you think 2017 will be?

Hiroto: I still don’t know. From recalling our roots and starting point, we were only finally able to understand our position. During the latter half of our time with PS Company, I think that we spent a lot of time being self-conscious and forcing ourselves to be more grown up, and even though that’s not who we were, we thought that we had to do things more logically, now that I think about it. I get the feeling that I was suppressing my truly wild side.

So what kind of person is the real Hiroto?

Hiroto: When I was a kid I had a lot of ups and downs. I had really bad mood swings. When I was feeling down I felt really down, and when I was feeling good, I felt really good. But by being like that, there was a time where it was really tough as I couldn’t communicate well with the people around me. So thinking that it would be impossible for me to be in a band like this, I fixed my character. But right before that I had met the A9 members. They were people who could forgive me, a person with all these ups and downs. And now we’ve come this far. As we’ve returned to our roots this time, I feel like I have released this part of my true self.

And you stopped trying to fix your character?

Hiroto: Yes. And now restraining it becomes more and more ineffective (laughs). Though I’ve become free, there are still some things I need to do about that. However, even if my true self has been unleashed, I think that the people who think that these ups and downs in my emotions are, on the contrary, interesting, will help me. Especially the members and the new team of staff that are supporting us. In these last six months, I’ve really been full of gratitude towards these people.

What do you think you would like A9 to be from here on?

Hiroto: Speaking in extremes, I would like for A9 to be able to continue on. Now we have made another start with a new team, and I would like to declare that a one place we will head to is a special place called Nippon Budokan. Rather than saying I want to show people the stage there, I want to create it together with everyone. I think that if we do it, the moment will come where we even meet those people who have parted ways with us. I want Nippon Budokan to be that kind of place for us. Also, this was something that was said to me by my junior. When we were talking about bands disbanding, he said to me “For the sake of the [Visual-kei] scene, A9 is a band that I don’t want to go away“. I wonder what kind of future lays ahead for a band that has been doing this for 10 years and is now exploring a new path. I get the feeling that the influence we will have on those around us will be great.

Certainly! I think that A9’s success will give the next generation an indication of what to do.

Hiroto: By watching how we fall. That’s why I want to keep hanging in there and move forward. It will also be the sake of those people who keep on going on too.

[candy-corps]

Plans for the Future

Jess belongs to @mygardenofmuses

After meeting Paleta during the break, Jess felt a little more better. It was good to see that Bernadette wasn’t the only girl who understood her pain. She curled up a little. It wasn’t that cold yet and the room was still warm, so she felt a bit sleepy. But there was no time for naps, the end of the classes would arrive very soon…

Yeah, so that didn’t work out. Damien was in a bad mood. The one time he actually was in favor of teamwork … and then that. Since Tom didn’t want to see Jess alone, he could pretty much cross him out of the schedule for now. All of a sudden he felt like doing things alone. He didn’t even feel like asking Blue for help anymore. He’s not been very helpful to involve Tom and Lucy during the break, after all…

Changing plans, he just wrote a note on the side of his paper. ‘Wait up for me after classes were over’ was all it said, but he turned it after a second thought and added ‘Make it look unsuspicious’. Better. He made a ball out of it. Sitting in the very back, he was pretty safe to stay uncaught, throwing it across the room. He just waited for a moment the teacher faced away and then threw it straight at the back of Jess’ head. Because in case he was caught, he’d rather look like a bully than to let it get unfolded and read out aloud.

Jess woke up from her nap when something hit her head. She turned around, frowning, and noticed that Blue was pointing at Damien. So Damien had thrown it? His expression seemed to confirm it. She looked down and noticed the paper ball. It seemed something was written into it…

She picked it up and opened it to read it quickly. What could Damien want to tell her? She wrote an ‘OK, will do.’ in the back of the piece of paper. As soon as the teacher turned around to face the blackboard again, she threw the paper ball back at him.

Stupid girl, but at least the teacher didn’t notice. Two other classmates that weren’t just as into the tasks they were given themselves at the moment did though, and so Damien ignored the piece of paper that landed not far from his chair. He kept sitting, looking busy, until eventually his tail moved forward to pull the paper ball close.

Lets see. He picked it up and made a face. He didn’t need a confirmation! Now that it got personal, he made a plane to send it flying at her back, but the first students started packing their stuff back in their bags. Classes were going to be over. Well, it was her lucky day. He packed his things as well, including the half finished schedule for Jess.

“I’ll stay a while longer. See you tomorrow” he said his goodbyes to blue, just before the bell began ringing.

Jess noticed the paper plane and picked it up. The classes were pretty much over by now, so there was no point into sending one back - she just could talk with Damien now. So she started to pick up all her things and waited until the teacher left to go talk with him.

Noticing Jess was approaching, Blue threw his bag over his shoulders and smiled to Damien. “Good luck with Jess, buddy. Call me if you guys need anything. See you tomorrow!” He waved at Jess on his way out, and left the classroom along the other kids.

Jess finally reached Damien’s table. She hid her hands behind her back, a little nervous. Had she done something to annoy Damien?

“Hey… you wanted to talk with me?” she mumbled, biting her bottom lip.

“In a second” Damien said calm, taking his time with packing his things. He’d rather wait until all the others were gone before leaving with Jess himself, to be true. Thankfully, the other students didn’t exactly mean to stay in the room for much longer. School was over, after all. He also might have worried too much. Well.

“Did you have something to eat? I have an apple left when you’d like one.” He knew she spend the last break in the girls room, and he doubted she’d actually eaten in there.

“Just a lollipop…” Jess mumbled. She was about to tell him he didn’t need to worry, when her stomach let out a loud growl. Good thing everyone had left by now! She blushed and gave him an apologetic smile.

“An apple would be wonderful. I’m starving.” she confessed, rubbing her arm. Maybe Damien had noticed she had avoided the cafeteria. It would be the first guy doing that…

He knew it. “Treat yourself” Damien announced, putting it on his desk in front of her and getting up now finally to shoulder his backpack.

“Is someone going to pick you up?” he wondered. Not going by his still non existing schedule, no, but maybe Jess made other plans since the last time they spoke. He just wanted to make sure.

“No. Mom had a photo session today until three o’clock, so I was thinking to take the bus, buy something in the market and chomp on it until my hunger was sated. But I’d be more than happy to try new things. What do you have in mind?” she asked, taking the apple.

“Thank you for this, by the way.” she whispered before taking a good bite.

“Thank my dad. I stole - uh - “ It wasn’t stealing when you got it from your parents, right, “ - got it from him. Good then. Tag along” he instructed, walking ahead and out of the room. He wanted to show her something, but for that they had to get to the highest floor. The short break between classes was about to be over and some poor souls that had another class this afternoon were mostly headed to their rooms until now. They’d not even stick out, looking like pupils that just meant to get to their classrooms.

“Your dad gave you an apple? That’s new. I thought he only ate candy.” Jess whispered, walking by his side. She took another bite from the apple. Walking with Damien always gave her this comforting feeling. As if she had nothing to fear while he was present.

“May I ask where are we going? Or is it a surprise?”

“I show you my hideout” he revealed. “My old hideout - I don’t need it anymore, so you can have it.” He decided so right after lunch time. As usual, he took the stairs and not the elevator - it took too long and would look very suspicious when they ran into any teacher they knew.

“It’s free during lunchbreaks and safe during classes and before and after school. In the time in between you gotta be careful, but no one will expect you there, so don’t sweat it in case someone comes in” he explained, climbing up the stairs and looking out of a window he passed, distracted by a bird flying by.

Definitely he had noticed she wasn’t in the cafeteria earlier. Chances were Blue had told him… She silently thanked the blue alien. He had contributed to this. But all the merits belonged to Damien. Others would have forced her to return to the real world - but not him. He respected her need for privacy.

“T-thank you, Damien… I don’t know what to say… Just… thank you. Thank you, really.” she bit her bottom lip and hugged herself. Oh, how she wanted to give him a ‘thank you’ hug! But she respected his need for personal space. “Probably I’ll use it mostly during lunchbreaks. Thank you, really.”

“Don’t sweat it.” He didn’t want to get thanked. He took the last stair. “Hiding on the toilet is just fun a week or two and it’s too good of a hideout to let it get wasted.” … right.

Sure as he sounded as he explained Jess the safe times earlier - as he took the last step - making sure he walked ahead - he hesitated anyway and listened intently to check if anyone would be around. There wasn’t.

Their destination was a door with not even a sign next to it. It was basically just a storage, so there seemed no need to. Damien reached to his back to a small pocket on the side of his backpack, where he took out what must have been a plastic card long ago. It was a little worn out from the various uses and smoothed out on the sharp edges where he cut out a little piece out of the square.

“It’s not locked, but you can’t turn the doorknob, see" he began to explain, reaching for it and rattling on the door, provong his point. “I need your hand” he went on, reaching his out without making a fuss about it. Up here there was no one to would see, so.

Jess couldn’t help but blush. It seemed Damien had been keeping an eye on her… That thought was oddly flattering. And he needed her hand? Maybe it was to teach her to movements to unlock that door. Yes, that made sense.

“OK…. Yes, I can see it. OK. Yes.” she nodded, and offered him her hand. She looked up to the door, then back to him. “How did you know I was hiding in the bathrooms? Was I being that loud…?”

Well that was weirdly nostalgic. Damien put the card in Jess’ hand and made her fingers hold it, leading her to unlock the door. It was easy enough - all she had to do was remember that movement. The door opened a split the second they pulled the card back out between the door and its frame, but -

“Now you try” he instructed, pulling it closed again right away. There was no real use to it when she won’t be able to open the door up herself. “And Blue said so” he answered, just by the way. He forgot where he got it from or if he had mentioned, busy with Lucy at that time.

Jess felt a shiver running down her spine when he touched her. It was so, SO rare that Damien touched her. The last time he had done it, she wasn’t even conscious. But now he was doing it and… it seemed that it didn’t annoy him? Maybe the presence of other people was the problem, and not her…

She nodded and tried to save in her mind the movement Damien was teaching her. The second time, when she had to repeat it alone, she wasn’t so sure if the door would open, but it did.

“I did it.” she whispered, a big smile peeking to her lips. She looked back to him, still smiling, the detail about Blue now forgotten. “I did it~!”

Okay, he couldn’t help it - he smirked, amused. She was so happy about such an easy thing. Was this how he looked like back when his mom showed him how to do it?

“I’ll make myself a new one. Keep that card” he allowed, nodding towards it. He then pressed his palm against the door to push it open this time. The interior was less than amazing - just a couple of shelves with worn-out school books, two big windows at the opposite wall and stacked up chairs and tables in the corner, apparently spares or broken ones that no one bothered to repair or throw away either. Still, definitely an improvement compared to the girls room, or so he would guess.

“Thank you…” Jess felt touched for the gift. She saved it into her pocket and smiled to him. “Thank you so much.”

When she walked in, Jess’s mind began to work. Some of those chairs and tables couldn’t be saved, but the spares were just perfect. The books could be interesting, she’d have to take a look later. The windows were perfect - if she could open them, getting rid of the dust should be easy. And she’s have plenty of room to turn this place into a good hideour of her own.

“This has a lot of potential…” she whispered, and smiled to him. “If we arrange it a bit, it could become not only a hideout for me, but… our own secret cave! Like Superman’s fortress of solitude, but smaller. A perfect shelter for a hero in training and his potential sidekick. It could be awesome!”

Oh right. Girl. Damien raised his hand and shut the door right after them. He didn’t need anyone to overhear, slim as the chances were. “No rearranging anything” he broke the bad news. “ - or someone would notice that someone’s been here when something was off. There is though … ” he went on, walking to the stacked-up-tables with the chairs arranged around and over them, “ … some potential on places that no one would see. Was what I was thinking.”

On the other hand though, he hasn’t been up here in weeks. He looked under the table to check it, but the mat he stole from the gym was still there, and so, as it seemed, was the box with snacks and tools in it. That was a relief. Even the lamp he attached with tape on the table above was in place, the cable leading to a wall socket that was hidden in the corner. He used it to recharge his phone here on more occasions than he could count.

“Step ahead of you regarding cave” he guessed, giving Jess space to take a look herself.

“Aww. Oh well.” Jess appreciated his honesty. This was his place after all. It was like renting, just… not money involved. She followed him, observing with detail all the stuff that wasn’t easy to appreciate at first sight.

“This is really incredible. The mat, one good touch, and that thing with the socket, it’s brilliant. It’s… it’s almost as if you had been living here. Wait.” she stopped with his last words, and looked at him in awe. “So you were living here before?”

“Now and then” he admit and put his palm on her forehead to make her stop looking at him. He didn’t like her to right now, even when it was for no reason in particular. Letting go again, he looked over to the side where the windows were, pointing below them, to the heaters. “These work, but try not to overdo it and put the setting back when you leave - again, no one should notice that something is off.” It was getting colder, so it was better she knew.

“Questions?” That was kinda it about his secret hideout. The tour was short, but what to do.

She nodded and blinked when he put his hand on her face. The touch was enough to make her blush. She wondered what he was trying to do. Maybe it was one of those bat things. Or was he checking her temperature, to ensure there weere no medical reasons that made her hide in the bathrooms? Either way, she could ask, since he pulled back very soon.

Jess paid her whole attention to his next words. It was good to know her new hideout had a heater - the bathrooms could be rather cold sometimes.

And finally, the moment of questions arrived. Part of her wanted to ask “Why are you doing all of this for me?”, but given how he had stopped her from looking at him a moment ago, Jess guessed he wouldn’t like such a straightforward question about his feelings. So better not to ask something like that. And she didn’t have any inmediate questions about the place, so…

“Right now, no. But, can I ask you in case anything comes up later?”

He shrugged and walked up to the windows to take a look outside. The view had changed since the last time he got up here. “Sure. You have my number. Plus we’ll see another, will we. I didn’t intend to leave you up here, alone. When you’re like … cool with it” he added, peeking back at her.

I didn’t intend to leave you up here, alone.

His previous acts of kindness had impressed her already, but this was the cherry on top of the cake. She felt incredibly touched. A crimson blush filled her whole face, and a giddy giggle escaped her. Boy, it was really hard not to hug him right now.

“Of course we’ll see each other, we are in the same class, and… it would be great to have you around. In fact, I… I do feel better you’re around. You’re a really good person, Damien.” she finally looked up, smiling shyly. “Thank you, really.”

Oh. “No problem” he assured, smirking again, if a little lighter than the first time. “Let’s get you home then” he suggested, heading back to the exit. There was time today, yes, but as long as the schedule wasn’t set up, he should not waste all too much of it.

He was smiling too? Definitely today it was a day of firsts. Not a bad thing, though, she usually loved new things.

“Yes, that will be the best. Don’t want my Mom to worry.” she chuckled a bit. It was then when a thought hit her. “Damien, I was wondering… Are you alone when you arrive home? As in… I know your dad works at night, so I assume he’s asleep now… Or does he wake up to cook the lunch and so on?”

Sure, this was a bit of personal question, but there was a good reason behind it. If he was alone and so was she, nothing stopped her from inviting him to lunch with her. It was the least she could do to thank him for such generous gift.

“Uh … ” It wasn’t the fact that it was personal, really. He just had to think about it, which made him hesitate for a second before he opened the door again to get out. “I guess I’m abouttofindout” he mumbled, walking ahead.

Since when was this about him, though. “You?” Wait, since when did he act interested. He meant to kept the door open for Jess. Not out of kindness but just because it was easier.

He didn’t know? That was a little strange. It crashed a bit with her idea, but… perhaps it wasn’t too late to talk about it. They still had a long way to go to her apartment, after all.

She did notice those little bits of kindness, and felt her heart melting a little.

“Well… It depends. Being an actress, my mom’s schedule can change very fast. There will be days where she doesn’t have to work, so she’s home when I arrive from school. But there’s also days where she’s caught in photo sessions, interviews or recordings of new adds, and she might not come until the evening. In those days I’d eat with Bernie or alone, like today.”

She rubbed her arm and bit her bottom lip. “If you want, we could eat together today.”

“Nah, I had lunch with the others already. Maybe tomorrow?” he offered instead. They’d be up here during lunchbreak when all was going well.

He closed the door behind her again to be sure it was locked, and went back to the staircase again. “Lucy might show up as well, I told her to call you. Maybe Tom” but he wasn’t sure about that one. He seemed a lot like he had some issues to work through, and he’d rather have him do that away from Jess right now, to be true.

“Others? You mean Blue and Minion?” Jess asked, not suspecting what he would say next. She got along with those two, so eating with them shouldn’t be a problem…

But then he said that name, and she froze in fear. “NO. No no no no. I don’t want to talk to her. I’m not going to the cafeteria. Nope.” she frowned. “She already hurt me enough and didn’t even seems to regret it like Tom does. I don’t want to talk to her.”

Jess turned back to look at the door of the hideout Damien had shown her. “I prefer to eat in your hideout during lunch. It’s safer in there.”

“Well that was the plan?” Damien asked, turning around in confusion when Jess didn’t follow and also started to … something. “I think she meant to visit you. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Well now he was confused. Also what, Lucy hurt her? This was making less and less sense.

“Calm down. You don’t have to do anything. School just started again” after all. He took two steps further down, hoping she’d follow when he went ahead.

Jess put her hands over her head. Panicking wouldn’t do her any good, but the idea of Lucy getting close, while it was necessary, it terrified her too. Funny how just a person could hold so much power, that her name alone was enough to shake Jess’s mind.

“I was hoping she’d come home in private and maybe apologize, but she didn’t do it, and it’s been… months… since the camping…” she was breathing too fast, one would think she was about to hyperventilate. Fear had a tight grip on her and she couldn’t move.

“I meant… Her actions… and Tom’s… even if it wasn’t on purpose… their actions and choices… hurt my feelings. I’m…  I’m afraid… it might happen again…” She shook her head and looked down. Feeling this vulnerable wasn’t something she liked, and she wished not to feel like this, but she couldn’t help it. “I’m scared, Damien… I… I don’t want to get hurt again…” she confessed.

Was that some girl stuff? It did sound suspiciously like some. And he could feel Jess’ anxiety affect him, which in return, was stretching his patience. “Okay. I mean, she meant to talk to you. I gave her your number during break earlier. Text then. Whatever … ” It was her thing. Damien kept going now, whether she followed or not. There was not much to go instead though, so he didn’t worry.

“You did what?! Oh my God… I… I can’t do this…” Knowing that extra bit of information just made her fear increase. She wasn’t ready to deal with her - and definitely not via text, not right now.

Even if the young teen knew that avoiding Lucy wouldn’t fix the situation, right now her fear was stronger than her will. She didn’t even move from her spot. It was almost as her feet were glued to the ground. And the worst was that she was beginning to feel overwhelmed - something that her psychologist had warned her about.

Avoid anything that will overwhelm or stress you if you can, Jess. Being exposed to stressing factors might cause you another episode, and we don’t want to give another scare to your family, right?

“I… I need to go home…” she whispered, fidgetting a little. She began to walk, though her steps were heavy and slow. She tried to focus her mind in her father’s garden. Her happy place. A place wherre she would be safe and sound. A place where no one would hurt her.

Damien clenched his teeth and waited, no idea Jess’ illness was giving her problems. Couldn’t he do one thing right here? She said she wanted to talk to Lucy, so sure he gave her Jess number to do so. He checked his phone, but there was no message from Lucy on it, so he didn’t have her number just yet to call er off. This was just so annoying …

“That’s the idea?” he called up once he heard what Jess said. Girl was making little sense today … wait. “You okay?” He looked up and finally went back to meet her half way.

“I’m sorry…” Jess covered her face. She didn’t want him to see her in this state, where she was such a mess. The girl could see he was doing an effort trying to help her, but her feelings weren’t that easy to control when there was so much guilt and fear in her mind. “I… I do want to talk with her and, at the same time, I don’t… I know it’s contradictory… I… I just… don’t know how to handle this…”

She rubbed her eyes, forcing herself not to cry. If she was alone, or with Bernadette, nothing would stop her from doing so. But this was Damien. She needed to keep it together. She had to be strong for him.

“I’ll… I’ll be fine… I just had a little moment of panic… but I’ll be fine…” she whispered, finally reaching him. “Thank you for taking all these efforts, Damien… I… I appreciate it…”

Sigh. “No problem” he assured, thinking about what to do. He didn’t make anything better yet, did he. He was still a failure at this whole being a hero thing. All he knew was how to be bad … and selfish.

So he went with that. As long as Jess was still some stairs above him, he took her at the middle and broke her balance to carry her over his shoulder instead to let her go alone. He felt it was safer.

“AAAHHHHH!” she squeaked, not expecting him to touch her and lift her like that. What was going on?!

In one hand, feeling blessed because Damien had decided to break his personal bubble to touch her. In the other hand, he was… holding her like a bag of potatoes?

Maybe it was another of those bat things…

“Huh… Wh-what are you doing?” she asked, a little confused.

“I carry you down. Maybe home, we see. Training” was his excuse. Once sure she was secure, he turned and took the first steps - unexpectedly bumpy with the additional weight. he had to get used to it, somehow.

He was determined, though. When he didn’t manage anything else yet today, he’d do at least this little thing - bring her home.

“Being carried sounds like a great idea… May I suggest an alternate way to carry me?” Jess had to stop herself from giggling. Boy, how could Damien be this adorable? Between carrying her like this, and how bumpy the road would become, she almost had forgotten what had made her so anxious in first place.

“I mean… You may not see them, but anyone seeing us might see my underwear from this angle… my jeans tend to slip a bit…”

“Urgh … ” he groaned. Sure she’d find a way to turn this turn bad, too. Though it wasn’t her fault, really. “And your suggestion would be - ?” he asked, letting her go as they reached the bottom of the stairs.  

“I could push you in front of me too.” An option that seemed actually tempting.

“I was thinking that maybe, carrying me in your arms intead of just over the  shoulder could help you to keep balance more easily, since my weight would be divided between both of your arms. Besides… most hero comics carry ladies like that…” she comment, a little smile peeking to her lips.

Yes, she could walk… but the idea of being carried sounded just as good. And she was curious. Would he actually do the thing?

He thought about it for a second. “I think pushing will be fun.” He stepped aside to let her walk in front of him and accept her fate today. Too late he remembered to pull his tail back too so Jess wouldn’t step on it on accident.

“Eeek!” Jess lost balance with the sudden shift and almost fell on his tail, but her instinct made her reach to grab the closest firm thing or person that could give her some support…

And that was Damien.

Suddenly he was too close. Like, too close. Just a few inches. She gasped, blushed and released him quickly. What the hell had happened?

“Huuuhhh I’m feeling much better I think I can walk on my own….!” she was talking very fast as she walked downstairs.

“Just … watch your step” he replied, the bridge of his nose feeling warmer than it should. Stupid girl with her stupid legs tripping over his stupid tail in this stupid school on this stupid day all of a sudden. He crossed his arms and followed her. The sooner they were out here, the better. He felt like washing himself. Too much contact with that girl. How was that supposed to continue? Looking after her for all week? How the hell… ?

“Y-yes… thank you…” she nodded, touching one of her cheeks. Jess was surprised to find it so warm. What was happening here? And why did she feel like his eyes actually… beautiful?

Overall, this strange feeling was more please than her previous moment of panic, but this was a emotion she didn’t understand yet. Maybe it was just gratitude. He had given her a place to hide, he was trying to help her, he even had been able to break his personal bubble in her presence… All these amazing, wonderful things that she didn’t think she’d live to see.

She looked back at him for a moment and smiled quietly. Despite his rough exterior, it seemed Damien was a really sweet person deep inside.

They walked a while like that, finally finding out the building. It was strange for students to leave at this time - before the last bell rang and so long after the last short break was over - but there was no one there to mind and so they stayed unnoticed. Encouraged by that, Damien walked up to actually stay at Jess’ side. Their classmates would be long gone by now.

“Remember I meant to put up a schedule?” he wondered, though he was sure she did. They had that talk not all that long ago, after all. “To pick you up and back to school. It kinda … didn’t went plain perfect” he admit with a side glance to her. “Blue and Lucy kept fighting … Tom gave himself all the blame … Kinda looking forward to spend lunch upstairs tomorrow” he admit. “ - I mean, in case you want to. We can go back to the cafeteria any time … ” he promised. Hiding forever wasn’t the goal here, after all.

She nodded. “Yes, you mentioned something like that. About Blue… Watching your old crush dating someone else is like putting salt on a open wound. Maybe it’s that… or perhaps he was just having a bad day. Remember how Mrs Fernzeuger critiqued his last paper in front of the class? I noticed he was rather grumpy after that hour.” she commented, and bit her bottom lip. “Knowing Blue, he’ll be better tomorrow. He never stays grumpy for too long.”

“I know about Tom doing that… I told him it wasn’t his fault but it seems he’s still stuck in that…” she sighed and bit her thumb. She wasn’t sure how to help him. “At least Tom is easier to deal with and we actually can have a conversation that doesn’t feel awkward. Maybe we could… I don’t know, maybe videogame afternoon, Tom, you and me?” she suggested. “I’m not ready to go back to the cafeteria yet… but eventually I’ll go there. Don’t know when. But I’ll go.”

“Okay.” He was actually positive he could scratch up that much patience. He frowned a little now that Jess mentioned it. He hadn’t thought Blue would bother himself about that. True, he’d turned to a wrong way that time, but he was smarter than the whole class put together. Maybe he was a little more delicate as he thought. As, as it turned out, happened to be a bunch of people in his close environment lately.

“Maybe … videogame afternoon” he agreed and ruffled his hair with a hand. He’d loose some advantage as it was. “I’ll talk to my dad.” Maybe he could count it off as some hero training, who knew. But he definitely had to have an eye on his own schedule, too.

Jess smiled to him gently. She could tell Damien was doing a big effort to help everyone. “Don’t feel forced to do it if you don’t want to, Damien. It’s just an idea to help Tom. But I’m open to listen other ideas.”

She bit her thumb. “You can also drag Tom to a ‘boys night’ with Blue and you. I’m not sure if boys have sleepovers like girls do… But I think it could do him some good spend time without girls. I’m not talking just about me… Girls, in general, can be complicated. So some ‘boys time’ could be a good chance for all of you to get to know each other better, maybe… I don’t know. What do you think?”

He thought that Tom hid behind Lucy when he felt pressured during lunch breaks and that he barely even knew the guy, but was sure he was alright without getting help from an 11 year old. “Why can’t we just … do things as we … did … before the camp?” he wondered. “Wasn’t that good?” He knew it was for him. He could tell because he didn’t have to wage how many days a week he necessarily needed a full night’s sleep to function.

“Because it’s complicated. Feelings were revealed. Truths are in the open. Emotional wounds need time to heal.” Jess explained, rubbing her arm. She could understand Damien’s point of view. Everything had become a whole lot more complicated because of her illness, her feelings… she was a problem. A nuisance, probably.

“If I lost my memories about loving Tom, it’s possible things would be different. Tom wouldn’t feel guilty, because I wouldn’t suffer. I’d be able to be friends with Lucy, because I wouldn’t remember I was rejected… Everything would be easier…” Jess bit her bottom lip. “Maybe I should ask Bernadette to erase my memories with her magic. Or just change them. That way, I’d stop being a problem to everyone.”

“Yeah … … ” He tried, really. “ … I don’t see how that helps Tom or … anybody else.” He looked at her like - no offense! - but … what … was that.

“His issues ain’t yours, just saying. In my opinion we all did our part to mess things up … but you, actually. Not your fault you’re sick?” he shrugged with one shoulder. “We should have kept an eye out. Not put all supervision on Bernadette alone. How’s she doing?” he wondered now. He didn’t talk to her before the camp, and also not after. But from what he heard she and Jess must be close.

Jess hugged herself, looking down with a sad smile. “I often feel like a problem. True, it isn’t my fault I have these mental issues… But they are still a problem…”

The girl blinked at the mention of her friend. “Bernie says she’s fine, but… I think she’s sacrificing herself a lot. She used to be close to Lucy, but after the camp things got so awkward between them and they aren’t talking at all… I don’t think Bernie is completelly alright. But see, this is part of her personality, she struggles to be the strongest because she knows the impact she has in everyone. She’s very brave… but it worries me she might get hurt and keep her mouth shut about it. It wouldn’t be the first time she suffers in silence.”

Damien just sighed and went on. Why couldn’t one person be okay? He looked up at the sky and continued their way, now finally off of the schoolground. It wasn’t that long since the camping had ended, but right now it did seem like an eternity away.

Jess caught that sigh and looked down. When she heard how everyone was suffering lately… how was she not going to feel like SHE was the problem?

Wait, no! Negative thoughts, go away! She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing. Her stupid brain was messing with her again. At least this time she had managed to stop those thoughts in time.

“I’m so sorry for all of this, Damien.” she whispered, clutching handfuls of her clothes. At least she wasn’t alone. That was great. “How can I reward you for all the efforts you’re doing? Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Hm … ” He thought about it. “Actually … Try to stay away from trouble, maybe. Tom and his issues, and Blue’s with his, Bernadette, Lucy, everyone - just, just … They’ll live. I try to figure something out” he promised, rubbing his temples. “I’m sorry this has to happen now of all times… but leave it to me and it’s gonna be good.” He’d beat up every single one personally when they wouldn’t cut it out around Jess.

She rubbed one of her eyes, feeling incredibly touched. What a pure, dedicated, generous guy he was.

“OK. I can do that.” she whispered. “I know Bernie is careful and she’s very strong… Blue… we both know he can be grumpy one day and smile the next. And then… the lovebirds are the only ones who worry me. You don’t need to apologize… I’m not sure what will happen, but…”

Jess bit her bottom lip. It was bold to do this, it was incredibly bold, but she felt that touch was the only way to actually make a point. She placed carefully one of her hands on his shoulder.

“I believe in you, Damien. You are everyone’s hero. And I’m so thankful to have you here…” Oh boy, was she getting carried away by her feelings? She did want to give him a hug…

“O-uh….kay” he replied after a while, gaze fixed on her hand in his personal space. Well, that was brave. He couldn’t exactly hit her for it at the moment,, so it was also a little unfair. But … okay then.

“Blue and Bernadette get a pass. Tom or Lucy get near you - and I’m speaking of a 15 meter radius - … they’re done for. You can tell the others about the hideout too. But - just when you wanted” he added. No stress. He kept still while she was touching him, waiting for her to let go before they’d continue their walk. Damien headed for the subway, knowing Jess’ place was pretty far away from school.

Jess released him, noticing the way he looked at her hand. Probably she wouldn’t hug him today, but as soon as she got home she’s squeeze a plushie to deliver hugs in a safe way. She blushed a bit with his words.

“Thank you so much…” she whispered. “I might invite Bernie and Pal. And you can bring Blue as well. I feel comfortable around you guys.” A little smile tugged at her mouth.

She cocked her her when she noticed the subway. “Are we going to take the train?” she asked. “I’ve never taken the subway before…”

Not? “How do you get home usually?” he wondered then. He was still not entirely sure of bringing Blue along. Maybe a day after, when he was sure that Jess was okay with the company they got. He’d also have to check out that ‘Pal’ person she mentioned. Never heard of them before… Maybe a threat to Jess’ recovery … maybe not. He’d see. For now, he kept going. The station wasn’t too far.

“Walking, or via bus. When my Mom doesn’t work, she comes to pick me up with her car.” she answered, following him. Jess looked around, admiring the graffitis on some of the walls. It was fascinating.

“Good thing I still have some money… Is it the subway ticket expensive? How much does it costs?

Pff. “I have some spares” Damien just said, going to cover that. He knew the station close to Jess’ house, having used the subway before to visit her after the camp, and so he passed the map that was crowded by tourists anyway.

Damien got a couple strange looks, but it wasn’t out of the ordinary, really. This may be Metro City, but he still stuck out. Just that he was kind of okay with it now. No more pulled up hoodies or caps whereever he went and he long since gave up to keep his tail covered, too.

“Wow… You’ve really thought of everything.” Jess was actually impressed. She had met many boys in her life, but Damien was… different, and not only for his looks. He had a brain and actually used it. It wasn’t like Blue’s, which was more book-smart. Damien was more… active-smart, knowing how to move, where to go, how to do things. He could be easily a natural leader.

Noticing the strange looks some people aimed at him, Jess frowned at them in return, instinctively defending him. She didn’t even think of what she was doing - she simply acted following her heart, and her heart encouraged her to defend him.

She smiled at Damien. “This is my first time in the subway… it’s… actually exciting! Something new!”

For real? Damien frowned. How did this girl get anywhere? “It’s handy. Here.” It was a little more crowded down here, but one or two trains would arrive soon, at least going by the sign ahead of them. He worried a little that Jess would get lost, so he grabbed her pink sleeve to keep her close to him. He decided to wash that hand later.

The tickets had to get stamped first, but there was a machine for that right next to the stairs. “No wandering off” he told her, eventually letting go. He needed his arms free to get his backpack off, in which was his wallet, in which were the tickets.

Jess nodded, understanding. “Thank you…” she mumbled, before noticing the crowd surrounding them. Where did all these much people came from? It was then when she felt a tug on her sleeve. She opened her mouth, but nothing more than a little gasp came out. It was just Damien holding her…

Wait. Damien is holding my sleeve? As in… not wanting me to get lost??

She blushed deeply and looked down. That was so sweet from him. The girl followed him, making sure to stay close to him all the time, even when he let go. “Ok. can do it.”

Good. She better. Damien checked his backpack for the tickets, but glanced at Jess now and then, like she’d turn into thin air at any given moment. “Stamp these” he instructed, finally finding the little paper tickets and handing both over. They’d have two hours to get where they meant to, which was more than enough time.

Jess remained very still, watching him work. Once he told her what to do, she  nodded and went to stamp them following the indications. It wasn’t too hard if one just followed the signals. The ‘beep��� of the automat surprised her, but she giggled. For a first time, this wasn’t so difficult.

The girl reunited with Damien, tickets in hand. “Did I do it right?” she asked, handing the tickets to him.

Instead of accepting them, Damien just picked one of the two. Because in case they were seperated, he’d prefer to have one herself. He turned it and then after inspection, stored it away. “Looks alright with me.”

Backpack shouldered again by now and squishing his wings beneath his jacket, they stood there now. Still a few minutes to wait, but at least another train arrived on the parallel gate and people rushed in. It would be less crowded soon. “How … about we go over there” he suggested, again grabbing her sleeve instead of her wrist to guide her to a better spot further down the gate.

“O-OK…” Jess blushed, accepting his touch. He avoided her skin, but at least it seemed he was warming up to the idea of touching her - would this mean he was more open to the idea of touching, or being touched in general? Perhaps it was too soon to make assumptions.

She followed him, and let out a soft sigh when she saw that area was less crowded. “Thank you. This place is much better.”

“That’s good.” Here, he could let her go again. Going to the less crowded spaces wasn’t what he did usually - quite the opposite was true. The subway was a perfect spot for pickpocketing people. Hence the many spare subway tickets.

He’d not do that while he was down here with Jess, of course. But with their train just arriving in a while, it mean all left to do … was wait. Which was new.

Jess looked around and bit her thumb. It seemed there was no place to sit here. Which was a pity, because in that case she would sit and start to check her homework - the sooner it got done, the more time she’d have to play with Elton later.

“How much we’ll have to wait?” she inquired, curious as she was.

“Two, three minutes” he guessed, still facing the wall and now, waving his tail a bit from side to side. He didn’t really like to keep still for long, but right now it was just something he did for fun.

“You got places to be today?” he wondered, rather not thinking so since Jess mentioned her mother wasn’t home. Then again, he didn’t really know what she did in her freetime, other than collect pink stuff.

“Hum, just home for some hours.” Jess shrugged. “Though I do have dance classes in Blue Haze at seven o’clock, and tomorrow too, at six o’clock. And I have taekwondo class right next.” Her smile faded.

“When the taekwondo master found out about my illness, he told me that he is considering taking me out of the competitions. I was hoping to kick butts on the next championship, in March. Mmh.”

“How does that line up” Damien wondered, frowning, as he heard the train come in. He’d been bad at guessing the time. “That’s stupid. Kick his ass and prove that you can do it.” It was his opinion on the matter. But their conversation was disrupted by a familiar sound coming out of one dark side of the tunnel. “Train’s there. Stay near - ” Um, well if that was any easy. Their small safe spot got crowded and people pushed another already before their department even came to a halt. It was one of those days, huh. “Okay, go first” he changed his mind, getting behind Jess so she had space to get in.

“He’s my teacher. I can’t kick him.” she laughed a bit and hugged herself. “I can beat my classmates though, and prove him I can beat anyone in the championship. I’ve won throphies for him during the last three years and…”

She couldn’t finish, as the train finally arrived. Jess wanted to cling to his arm, but he made things much simpler. With a nod, Jess walked inside and looked for a spot where they could sit. This wasn’t too different from a normal train…

“Do you have any favourite place to sit?” she asked.

“Just sit down!” In the subway it was sit or keep standing now that all seats are taken. He peeked over Jess briefly and found an unoccupied spot where he pushed her to, hand on her shoulders so there was no way for her to get lost.

“Ok, OK!” Jess was a little surprised for that shift, but she soon understood why. The crowd was filling the place, and if they didn’t sit any sooner, they’d be forced to stay up all the way!

Fortunatelly for them, no one claimed their seats. Jess sat and put her bag on her lap, bouncing her legs a little. “Heh, we made it!”

“Now, just a couple stations” he announced. He didn’t know how many for sure, but he knew which one they’d have to leave again, and the one before that.

“Doesn’t Blue have Lucy’s number?” he wondered out of the Blue. He didn’t knew where the sudden thought came from - probably his subconscious still brooding over the fact that he’d caused trouble for Jess by trying to help.

“Hum, I don’t know. Unless she changed numbers, probably yes? They were living together…” Jess shrugged. Truth to be told, all the talk about Lucy still made her feel umcomfortable. But she’d have to forgive her eventually if she wanted to stay friends with the others, right? She sighed and lifted her legs, hugging them. If only she could erase all the pain from her mind…

“Yeah, they fought about that during breaktime” Damien remembered, not really caring much, to be true. Seemed like it was an old thing and he had other trouble on his mind.

“You … don’t want her to visit?” he asked again, looking at Jess while he took out his phone.

“Blue… fought with her… for me…?” Jess felt oddly flattered. Blue always acted as if these things didn’t go with him, but it was nice to see he cared - even if it was in strange ways.

“I… I don’t know. I’d like to do things in my own pace… Talk to her when I feel ready to do so…” Jess rubbed the back of her head. “In one hand I’d appreciate her visiting, because it would mean she cares. In the other hand I’m afraid of having a panic attack when she comes, because she kinda intimidates me now…” she rubbed her arm. “Pfff…. I’m a contradiction personified. Do you understand what I mean?”

Strangely … ? But it wasn’t like he could tell. She was acting like a cat that was torn between whether it wanted someone to pet it or not.

“I tell you she cares. That enough?” he asked, frankly curious. She was down to help us bringing you to places. “She was offering to help with … bringing you to places.” Right. That schedule that didn’t quite work out just yet.

“Really?!” That sounded incredibly weird to her. It was so hard to believe! Maybe it was her bitterness what didn’t let her believe such thing, but this was Damien. He never would lie to her, right?

“Could you tell me exactly what she said? What places? What’s the context? Because I have the feeling I’m missing out lots of things here.”

“I didn’t write it down” Damien admit, leaning back in his seat and watching the window on the other side of their department and the objects behind it fly by. “Umm … I meant to … make a plan, to pick you up from school, bring you back, make sure you don’t go missing during school … or after … Basic” he shrugged. “And asked the others to help. And it … didn’t quite work out but I work on it” he mumbled, now tapping his fingers against his leg.

She blushed a lot. This was… amazingly sweet from him. Fighting the urges to give him a hug, Jess leaned slightly against him, enough so her arm touched his briefly. She was inmensely thankful, and it showed in her words.

“Damien Kent… Officially that is the sweetest thing a guy has ever done for me. Thank you.” she smiled happily, giving him a slight push. “Don’t worry, I won’t say a word. It will be our secret.”

She narrowed her eyes, her smiling weakening. “I really appreciate the effort, but I’m not sure if it will work out. Blue’s fight isn’t the real problem here, I think. I know Bernadette had a fight with Lucy right after the camp, and that was one bad one. Maybe… Maybe if Lucy, Bernie and me could talk, the three of us together, things could work out more easily. But I don’t know how, or when…”

“Remember what I asked of you?” Damien wondered, looking at Jess for a brief moment before he faced away again. When this was Amelia he’d taken that as invitation for a fight, but this was jess, and this was public … He’d had to get revenge soon for the contact, but not right now.

“These two are older, and they should act like it. It’s not your concern, it’s just to get better” he found. “I can ask Blue to call the meeting off, was what I was getting at.”

“Yeah, yeah, no touchy… and not mentioning family…” she nodded and rubbed her arm. “Sorry.”

Jess bit her thumb. “Talk with him before doing anything. Perhaps he’ll be doing better once he gets some time alone. And about the girls… Bernie is my best friend, the moment she’s in trouble, it’s my concern. She supported me when I needed it - it’s just fair I help her in return, don’t you think?”

“I think you should do so once you’re up to it but … it is your thing. So I shouldn’t message Blue and ask him to tell Lucy she and Tom shouldn’t show up tomorrow after school” he guessed, no real idea right now what Jess wanted and what not.

“Oh boy that is… a bit confusing…” Jess had to stop herself to think about the whole thing and its consequences for a couple minutes.

“Err… Talk to Blue. Everything is going a little too fast and… I kinda feel more comfortable when it’s just you walking me home. Though Blue and Bernie are OK too. Can we… start with less people at first? There’s no need to rush. I don’t even know if Tom feels up to see me. He began to act really weird after I told him about my illness. And with Lucy, well… let’s go slow. Maybe not this week yet. But eventually? One step at a time? Can we do that?”

“Sure do” Damien affirmed, finally feeling like he had all information he needed. He made sure to text Blue right away so he could go on and tell Lucy.

‘No visit from Tom and Lucy for now. Jess needs more time. Can you let Lucy know? Don’t have her number’ Damien typed, his ear twitching slightly as the voice gave the name of the current station through. They were close …

“Mmh.” Jess looked up, recognizing the name of the aforementioned station. “We’ll reach my building in no time…”

She looked back to Damien and blushed a little. She didn’t want to bother him, but she wished to return his kindness somehow. “You know… I’m really thankful you made all of this for me. I wish I could give you something in return… like a reward, or something. Mom always says it’s good to return people’s kindness, though I don’t know exactly what can I do for you. But if I ever can help you in anything - just tell me, and I’ll do it.”

“Just don’t stress about it” Damien replied then and hit the send button to send the message to Blue. “And don’t mention at school. I’ll deny any of this when asked by other people” he warned.

“I have my reasons.” With that, he got up. They should get to the door before the train came to a halt, so they won’t get squished again like before.

“I won’t tell a soul. I understand.” she smiled, getting up to follow him. For her first time using the subway, it had been really nice. Perhaps it was because Damien had been so honest, or due to the fact she was important enough to him so he had planned such a big schedule to ensure her safety, one thing was sure: she didn’t feel so alone anymore.

And if she thought of it… This wasn’t the first time Damien did nice things for her. He was willing to help her if she needed anything, he even had spent the last Valentines day with her to ensure she wouldn’t be alone.

What a good friend. She was very lucky to have him in her life.

The train slowed down already, and came to a halt shortly after they arrived on the door. He’d done well to go up in time instead to wait - as predicted, this station was quite popular and crowded with people.

“Head left” Damien warned, reaching for her sleeve again and by that, this time touching her hand. He pulled back like he got burned with acid, but the doors opened and he really didn’t like her to get lost for a split second -

Screw it. he grabbed her wrist and went first, leading the way.

Jess’s cheeks became rosy when he touched her. That was… actually the first time he touched her skin and… why was he so warm? Part of her almost wanted to reach for his hand again, but given the way he had pulled it out, maybe it wasn’t a good idea… Was he squicked out of humans? Girls? Or just her? Given he seemed to avoid direct contact with everyone, maybe it wasn’t just her and…

Her wrist. He was touching her again. Her blush became more intense. Sure, she could walk on her own, but… he was doing this not to lose her. He cared. It was something she already knew but it amazed her to see so much proof of it.

“Thank you…” she curled gently her hand, trying to hold onto him, though it wasn’t easy!

“Don’t mention it” Damien replied, making it sound much like an order as he kept to guide her to the stairs. They left the worst crowd behind them, but there was still little space to move. He sighed and kept going, dragging her along.

“You okay?” he wondered all of a sudden, looking over his shoulder, back to her.

“I’m… I’m OK…” Jess nodded with her head as well. She had to put herself together, for the love of God! This was just him him helping her out of the train, she had to keep calm.

“You OK…?” she asked him right next. Being in such crowded place didn’t seem something he’d enjoy much.

He just frowned at that. Didn’t he look okay? Huh. He kept pulling on her until the number of people decreased, then let her go.

He could swear her heart beat weird, but he really didn’t have enough experience to judge. It didn’t happen too often that he touched people at all.

He hadn’t answered… Maybe that frown was the quickest way to say ‘isn’t it obvious’. Or perhaps her question just confused him. At least they were out of the train now…

“Well, I think… just a few steps separate me from my apartment.” she looked back at him, and smiled. “Wil you take another train to go home?”

Home. He was about to ask ther to define ‘home’, but it might just confuse her, and he didn’t know if he wanted to talk about that now. “I don’t know just yet. Might visit … friends. Check my mom’s place, and get back to … ” How to explain. “My dad’s got a boyfriend and they … he … gave me a room, for myself.“ He really didn’t know yet. The plan was to bring Jess back home and then … there was just blank space. He should definitely go back to Roshan and Amelia so they wouldn’t worry - Not that he thought Roshan would, but it was a dick move to disappear in the middle of the night and not come back the next day. And he’d have to check on his mom’s cats, too, in case shedidn’t make it home to feed them. Didn’t look like he’d have much time for homework today …

“Ooh…” She didn’t know that his family was so broken. Until now, she had assumed it was just his father and him. But clearly there was more to Damien that one could see on the surface.

“Looks like you’ve got one full afternoon, between friends and family.” she smiled kindly, thankful that he had squeezed his own schedule to make some time for her. “Say hi to your Dad from me if you see him, yeah?”

“Sure.” Why not. She kept her mouth shut about him at school, for which he was grateful. Not that he’d show, or mention, though.

Damien checked his phone again to see if Blue had answered,

It was then Damien’s cellphone started to been with Blue’s response.

[text] Sure, I can let her know. Also… Sorry I was such an ass during lunch. I was still upset because of that paper. I shouldn’t have taken it out on everyone. I already sent Lucy an apology and she accepted it so I think we’re good now.

Finally reaching the end of the stairs, Jess turned to him. The sunlight touched her hair, and the warmth within her soul made her smile. She turned to him, leaving her hands behind her back to ignore her urges to give him a ‘thank you’ hug.

“I think I can make it home from here. Thanks a lot, Damien, really. Going home is much better when I’m not alone.”

“Mh. It better be” he thought out loud. He’d put effort into her being comfortable, after all. Though that came out kinda wrong. He looked up again, also enjoying the sun and nearly showing something close to a smile.

“Blue says he told Lucy not to show up. So you’re safe. You very sure I shouldn’t bring you to the door, though? I’m here already” he explained, shrugging slightly. He might as well when she felt just the slightest need to. He’d not when she didn’t want to, though. He’d respect when she thought she could handle herself.

“Thank you Damien. You two are really amazing.” she smiled, very thankful.

Him insisting so much got her to blush. Plus, was he… smiling? Was that a smile? Jess wasn’t sure, but… she couldn’t say no to that face!

“Okay~ if you insist.” she giggled, and finally walked outside. She took a deep breath. Funny how the subway had such effect on her. It was almost as if her anxiety had been left behind in the darkness, leaving her soul a little lighter.

He really didn’t … but it was alright with him. Hands in his pockets he trotted after her, in need to check himself where to go. Jess seemed to have an idea though, so he decided to give her the lead from here, just remembering faintly where to go without checking.

“Someone’s gonna bring you to school tomorrow?” he wondered.

Jess knew this street perfectly, like the back of her hand. She walked straight the Megamind Industries building, checking all the cars to see if her Mom was already home or not. She looked back when he asked such thing.

“My Mom, probably. Are you thinking to cover up the early hours of the morning, too?”

Obvious, wasn’t it. “Yup. At least till I got a working schedule with the others” he explained. He really had to talk to Bernadette… Maybe tomorrow since it seemed he got time.

“So … you can call me up when something doesn’t work out or your mom cannot bring you” he allowed. He kept looking around, trying to memorize the environment better this time. It might save him time in future. the big Megamind building though was kinda hard to miss, he had to admit.  

He was too kind… Such amount of kindness never ceased to amaze her. Jess felt her heart softening. Not feeling alone… It was a warm, soothing feeling her chest.

“Will do. Thank you so much for your offer. It means a lot, really.” she whispered. This meant they were going to walk together more often… which meant she’d get to know him better. Maybe not now, but one day, maybe, she’s know enough to return his kindness.

“Least I can do” he found. There weren’t many people who put up with him. Sure, he could get along with most, but it was usually nothing that deserves friendship bracelet levels. He knew he was the distant type, and he knew normal kids didn’t beat others up for standing a few inches too close to them. It was a habit and nothing he was good at changing anytime soon. As small as his progress was though, Jess somehow ended up making him that bracelet and sticking close despite. That meant a lot, as well.