#and when i listened back to myself reading the intro i was just like 'damn. breathe me.'

[jenndubya]

I did a new video essay/countdown video where I ranked every Kamen Rider Girls concert/live event. Is this going to be a thing?

It's officially November 29th, AKA the 14th anniversary of one of my favorite musical groups. (They grow up so fast. 😭) I had to do it.

[ohbueckers]

HEART OF A WOMAN. i put the blame on me for giving you chance after chance … it’s my mind and my soul versus your pride.

00, PROLOGUE. AND THIS IS JUST THE INTRO.

ju speaks. finished this quicker than expected so thank you to that anon for getting me on it early LOL. find the masterlist link to all parts on my blog. lmk your thoughts! pairing. wnba!paige bueckers x fem!oc. warnings. language, angst, toxicity, cheating, etc … general warning!

flashback, april, 2025.

paige: i love you 3:49am

nailea: ?

i love you too

is everything good?

read 4:02am

paige: yeah i’m good baby

missing you ao baD

paige edited a message: missing you

nailea: i’ll see you so soon

i’m sorry i couldn’t make it today

i’m really proud of you

read 4:09am

you’d think by now i’d be numb to it. that i’d learned the script—memorized the lines, the rhythm of it. but as i sit here, scrolling through her saved chats with her, i don’t feel numb. i feel fucking dumb.

it’s not even the months i spent doubting her, the nights i’d start an argument because i just knew she was lying, only for her to stare at me with those wide, innocent eyes and make me feel like the problem. no. it’s knowing that three nights ago, when she texted me after the game, telling me she loved me, that she missed me—that wasn’t real. that was just her guilt talking, a cheap cover-up. because that night, after winning her precious championship, paige found someone else to help her celebrate. and all because i couldn’t be there.

i don’t even have it in me to appreciate the short time she wasn’t doing anything behind my back. we’d had a conversation, a serious one, and it was enough for a bit. but there’s pictures, videos, a few from that night, and i feel sick.

the door opens behind me, and i barely flinch.

“yo, i forgot my—“ my bloodshot eyes meet hers, still holding onto the faintest trace of a smile. she has to notice i’ve been crying. has to see what she’s done.

it’s only been ten minutes. the breakfast spot’s close, maybe two blocks. she must’ve turned around. guilt? instinct? doesn’t matter now.

“nai.”

i glance down at her open phone, and so does she. i can’t see her reaction, but i’m sure it’s anything but pleasant. “oh, i can’t even fucking look at you,” i spit, letting out a breathy laugh as i push myself to stand, heading towards the door.

before i can even take a step, she’s in full defense mode. paige tosses her keys onto the bed with a clatter, closing the door behind her, planting herself firmly in front of it like she’s ready to block my any attempt to walk out. “you’re not leavin,’ bro. hold on.” she furrows her eyebrows, mumbling more to herself as she pulls me away by my arm. quite effortlessly might i add, i couldn’t really fight it.

“move, paige,” i demand. i just want out. want to be anywhere she isn’t.

“nah, we’re gonna talk. sit your ass down.”

“about what?” i laugh, cold and bitter, as i wipe my face again. she’s stupid for thinking i’ll listen to anything she says now, i know that much. “about how you played in my face, yet again? how you kept telling me to trust you when i knew better? or maybe we’ll talk about how the second i wasn’t here, you went right back to her.”

she wasn’t special. she isn’t. i’m sure paige doesn’t even know her middle name. she was just… there. someone to sex her up the way i couldn’t from across the country. it wasn’t like we didn’t see each other every chance we had, but i’ll be damned to let her live a double life. i wish i wasn’t so in deep.

paige steps forward, her hand reaching for mine, eyes softening in some pathetic attempt at damage control. “look, it was one night, alright? it was a mistake, nai, you gotta chill.”

chill.

i yank my hand back. “how many times does one night happen with you, huh?” i squint. “because this isn’t just one mistake, paige. this is you, every time.” the word tastes sour, and i spit it right back at her.

i’m not a doormat. i’m not one of the girls paige bueckers happened to pick up on her way to the top. i was here from the very beginning, and i couldn’t fathom how that wasn’t enough for her. all you could ever want is to grow into love with someone, but paige and i only go backwards, and i don’t think i’m capable of sitting around and letting that happen anymore.

paige’s mouth twists, some shadow of remorse that’s barely visible as she shifts from foot to foot. her hair’s still tousled from last night, strands falling across her forehead, a disheveled mess that somehow makes her look both beautiful and utterly wrecked. it makes my stomach turn—how i’d been unknowingly in the same spot as another girl just a few days ago, her hands roaming through that same hair, leaving their mark where mine should have been.

“let me get it right this time then.” paige’s head tilts back slightly, her eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that’s almost hypnotic, like she’s daring me to believe her, to give her yet another chance. i hesitate, against all logic, caught up in her. for a second, the anger knots itself up, caught in my throat, tangled in the remnants of whatever feelings she hasn’t managed to destroy.

we just stand there, inches apart, eyes locked, her breath barely steady, mine coming in tight and shallow. her hand lifts again, just slightly, as if she’s about to reach for me again, and i feel that familiar pull—like i’m right on the edge of giving in, of letting her words undo the mess she’s made.

my eyes glance down at her phone in my hand, and i can’t help but think about how sick i am of fucking words.

before i can second-guess myself, my hand jerks forward, and i launch her phone across the room. it skids across the floor, clattering against the wall, and she turns at the sound, head lolling against the door.

paige’s hand slides down her face as she lets out a low, humorless chuckle, her shoulders slumping back. her gaze flicks from her phone again, undamaged but undeniably thrown by an angry girlfriend ex, and then back to me, all narrowed. “you throwin’ my shit now?”

“fetch it. matter fact…” paige’s mouth opens, then closes as she watches me rip her oversized tee off like it’s some dirty rag. the shirt hits her chest and slides down to the floor, and she just stands there, staring at it with her jaw clenched so tight i can practically hear her grinding her teeth. “you can take all your shit back with it. i’m done,” i seethe.

paige looks back up, scoffing. “oh, you’re done?”

i turn on my heel, making my way to my suitcase. paige doesn’t move as i fall to my knees, throwing one of my own shirts over my head. i’m packing my things up frantically, silently, and i can tell it makes her feel unsettled.

“you’re not leaving, nailea.” she doesn’t sound so sure of herself now, and that only makes me move quicker.

i sniffle, even though i’m way past being sad over this. “i’ll stay with az until i can catch a flight. and i’ll ship all your stuff to storrs once i’m back.” i’m declaring my plan out loud, though i’m sure the mounds of her belongings that’ve accumulated in my apartment over the years is the last thing on her mind.

but then she moves, steps around the suitcase, stopping me with a quiet urgency, her fingers reaching toward my face. i pull back instinctively, turning my head, but she follows, her hands slowly cupping my head, steadying me as if i’m the one slipping. “paige, stop.” i mutter, shrugging my shoulders, trying to shake her off. but her fingers tighten, her eyes softer, pleading.

“c’mon…” she whispers. and then, slowly, she sinks down to her knees, meeting me there, her eyes desperately searching mine.

i swallow, hard, stopping my movements. “quit—“

“lemme fix it.” she mumbles, the words laced with something i can’t decipher, something that might’ve been real if it didn’t come too late.

i look up, and for the first time, i see something that almost looks like panic in her eyes. her thumb is focused on tracing the tear streaks on my cheek, and i have to force myself to think about why they’re there in the first place. because of her.

i don’t give her a chance to say another word. “you should’ve thought about that before there was anything to fix,” i say softly.

i turn away, reaching to grip the zipper of my suitcase. the metallic sound rips through the quiet, and it’s the finality of it that makes it feel like the right choice, like i actually just let go.

but with paige, nothing ever stays that simple, that clean.

[amityahasfanartnowapparently]

That Time Fox's Fat Tits Saved The Galaxy - Chapter 8 - Amity Ax - (INTRO ONLY)

Hello! Chapter 8 is still very very VERY much in progress, but I got inspired to release the first two pages early. Think of it as an early holiday present :D

If you'd rather save it for when the whole chapter is out on ao3, DON'T look under the cut ;)

Also DISCLAIMER: this intro is liable to change at some point while I'm editing everything else. And consider all the tags in my fic applicable to this post too. You've been warned.

DroidBoy6969:

ok, like, I get why everybody is talking about the tits. I really do. don’t get me wrong, they’re great tits!! but that ass needs some appreciation too! Just LOOK at it! the MUSCLES, the ROUNDNESS, the TIGHT AS KARK PANTS—it has EVERYTHING

TallMannSpotted:  @DroidBoy6969 YESSS I want to be those pants <3 <3 <3

whats_love090992:  @DroidBoy69 if this is a non-tits appreciation post, I’d like to give an honorable mention to the arms and back. Hot damn. I want him to pick me up and snap me in half like a 2x4. And that v-line in the front… *chef’s kiss* Perfect. Phenomenal. Breathtaking.

xXx_R4nc0rD3str0y3r_xXx: @DroidBoy6969 get out of here butt boy this is a tit-man only site!!!!

[See 21938451 more replies]

Unfortunately_YourMother:

everyone unfollow me right now this is going to be the only thing I’m gonna post about from now on. fuck. shit. Ohmygawdzzz

kenobis_glistening_abs444:

HUGE W for the war effort that this absolute UNIT be out here serving the people, if u know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

KittyqueeN:

No joke, I just clocked out for like an hour watching this guy run on repeat. the kriffing bounce is like… hypnotic. Literal drool down my face rn. I can feel the heft of those bonkers in my SOUL

dontlookatme.:

b…boobies…

cock_expert_420001:

Look, I’ll pay any amount, PLEASE more content like this @TheRepublic. I could feel myself becoming roughly 50% more patriotic just watching this compilation

ZDprofessional:

YESSS YES YES YEEEAAAS!!! OHHH MY GODS. OH MY GODDSSS BROOOOO!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ALSDGJDkjfifherALSDGJKHAG GRRRRRR!!!!! GRRRARRAARRRGRGRG! BRGRGRGRaaaAAAAAARRAR!GGRRGAA! I’M CRAZZY IM CRAZY IM CRAZY. YOU HAVE NO IDEAA YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!! sorry ok. I’m normal now. cool tits.

NautilaRulz:  @ZDprofessional Dude.

TiLeavesComments:  @ZDprofessional somebody get this fine gentlebeing some water. they’re about to die of Thirst

RyurayguYuhahyrrararr:  @ZDprofessional rabies core

[See 103020 more replies]

H00tH00tMutherfarker:

I can’t believe this is real. What are they FEEDING this one to make knockers like that??? He’s got some Enormous Boobs. Absolutely Perfect Pecs. A Rockin’ Pair of Hooters. A Prize-Winning Set of Black Melons. Some Tasty Teats. A Couple of Family-Sized Milk Jugs. Some Bountiful Baps. Some Gorgeous Gazoingas…[read more]

JustSomeGuy:

Listen, I get that everybody is horny about this, but I’d like to say that this trooper is like, actually NUTS. I went back to the OG video and timed it, he was in a dead sprint for like a full HOUR. The next time you’re out of breath climbing the stairs, remember this man’s existence and weep in shame. 

NotMyOrder:

Clones really do be built different…

Drgahamne14156994:

Hello, I’m Dr. Garm Hamne. I’m a doctor from Corellia and earn 600k annually. I’m looking for a sugar baby who…[read more]

TheCommenterrrrrr:

Screaming crying throwing up I need him to choke me

FoShadeDingKing!!:

Damn where do I gotta go to spend the night with one of those

RRoller:

This is fake. You bantha-brained morons are falling for a government plant. This has sphotoshop written all over it.

N3varG0naGiv3:  @RRoller It’s OK bro, just count backwards from 10 while you inhale the copium. It’ll be over in a snap :)

U_Up?:  @RRoller because that’s what I’D do if I was trying to sphotoshop a government-approved thirst trap into looking so good it brainwashes the minds of millions. I’d make the trooper running laps in the back of the vid busty enough to belong in an art museum instead of using editing magic to make the group of buff, sweaty men duking it out in the foreground look like living gods. what a totally reasonable conclusion you’ve come to 

Nvr_Gn4_Letudwn:  @RRoller bruh just grow up and admit you wanna fuck him so bad it makes you looks stupid XD

[See 348079 more replies]

[ebonysplendor]

Perfect Love Review 💖

TL;DR: Yeah, Milo is toxic and all, but growing up is realizing that, maybe I'M the problem. Maturing is realizing that it's not even a damn maybe; we're deadass the problem this time.

Game Link: https://c4game.itch.io/perfectlove

Notable Features: Sadistic MC, Gender options, LI turned Yandere, (8) Endings Tracker, Self-Insert Spiciness: 0/5 -- As far as I know, there's no spicy scenes, but I was so shook after my first playthrough, I just ran to make a review. That said though, this game is by no means wholesome LI MC Red Flags: 7/5 -- Sadistic, vindictive, manipulative, drugged someone, accessory to crimes, conspiracy to crimes, gaslighter, blackmailed someone, emotionally/mentally abusive, just..a lot of shit (and you thought Castiel was toxic)

Wanna know more? Well, let's get into it!

Fair warning, there may be way more grammar errors than normal because when I tell you that I played the first ending and ran to make a review, I mean that quite literally. That being exposed, just bear with me because this had very little proof reading because I was way too excited to tell you all about this game (without spoiling too much, of course) lol

What's up! Welcome back to another review!

Two things to start this off:

1. I know I already posted another review today, but I couldn't not write a review about this game and tell as many people that would listen to play it as soon as they could! 2. No, my friends, that was not a typo. It's not the LI we need to be concerned about; it's the MC. Yes, we're the problem this time around, and holy shit, please allow me to tell you about it! Or at least some of it, because I don't want to spoil too much.

As angry as this game made me, and as open and as wide as my mouth was during pretty much the entirety of this game, this has been the best damn visual novel I have come across to date! Yes, you read that correctly, and I will double down on it without hesitation; this is the best visual novel that I have ran across! Bitch, I would've paid money for this visual novel it was so good, and y'all know that I'm a cheap bitch! This was a $12.00 game (no, I still ain't over that! lol)! I would've gladly dropped that amount of money on this!

And I really hope I'm not exaggerating or overhyping it either, because I don't know which visual novels you guys have or haven't played, so let me clarify: For me, this is 1000/10 the best visual novel that I have read up to date. The pacing, the art style, the story its damn self, the fact that we're the problem this time around! Like, ugh, I could go on and on and on and on and on some more about this masterpiece of a game. I'm dead serious. I really believe that I could do an improvised one hour powerpoint presentation with absolutely zero prep time on how much of a chokehold this game has me in and STILL need an extra 30 minutes to an hour to really get my damned point across. It is that real for me. It is that serious.

All right, all right, all right, I'm gonna stop myself here because if I keep gushing, the intro is going to get way too long. That being said, it is officially time for me to write the synopsis. More than ever, I really mean this when I say, I'm going to tell you as much as possible without spoiling the game itself, and gods damn it, is it going to be difficult because, holy shit, the stuff that goes down?! I really want to tell you about it but fuck, if I do, then you might not play it yourself, and I can tell you right now, you have got to play this for yourself, and I highly recommend this game! Y'all are seriously missing out if you don't!

Okay, okay, I'm shutting up, because the intro's for real, for real getting too long and really redundant. Like, we get it, you love the game, start summarizing the damn thing! No worries, I hear y'all, and that's exactly what I'm about to do. Just a heads up, you're gonna need to buckle up for this one. Like, no, deadass. Buckle the hell up. I don't know what the hell kind of ride I'm about to take you guys on, but it's a damned wild one.

All right. Enough intro, enough talking. Let's finally get into it.

So, boom, and gods damn it, I mean, BOOM.

The game starts off with a little introducty-duction about how fucked up we are as a person. I'm not kidding about that. Basically, you know how we play these "dark romance" visual novels because the idea of someone being so unhealthily obsessed with you to the point of literally driving them bat shit crazy is something that just excites us for whatever reason? Yeah, we're like that in this game, except, we're literally delusional. Not the "quirky", cringey "aha, I'm so crazy~!", not delulu, like full on, needs to be admitted into the psychiatric floor of the hospital, delusional.

Anyways, we aspire to experience and permanently have that specific type of psycho crazy love, and damn it, we're going to have it, even if we have to go past just manifesting it and instead creating it ourselves, and I mean that quite literally. Let me explain.

See, at this point, there have been many failed attempts at getting this form of toxic love that we're after. At first, (or at least it's implied that) we tried to find it naturally, but it wasn't working out because, quite simply, it was never enough. I mean, sure, they cared about us, and sure, they would fight for us. Hell, they would easily do things for us if we asked, but they would always fall short because they wouldn't be willing to do anything and everything for us, let alone without us just being straight up about it and asking them to do so, and that, my friends, did not and will not fly.

Because we were tired of the constant failures and the constant disappointment, we decided to get on our boss shit and solve our problem instead of complaining about it. How do we solve it? By simply creating the love that we're after, and the first -- and most critical -- part of creating that love, is to find the right type of person. Someone who was a loner and an outcast. Someone that people ignored without so much as a second glance. Someone who allowed people to walk all over them and treat them any kind of way because they had no sense of self-worth. Someone desperate for affection, touch-starved even. Someone like...that new kid who recently transferred.

Milo Change. The perfect sap.

So, for totally non-selfish reasons, we play hero, and we step in to save the day. The bully -- his name's Ryan, by the by -- pretty much hightails it out of there once we intervene, and we're left with our suitor, and a suitor he'd better damn be because we didn't save his ass for nothing.

Milo gets off the ground, and he stumbles into us because he had gotten beat down pretty bad. True to expected nature, he apologizes, and starts rambling on about his friends for a little. He basically explains that, even though he knows that the people that he hangs around are really shitty, being new and not being used to the area makes him anxious to the point where he prefers their company over having no one and being alone. How coincidentally in perfect character he is...this is the one. Time to turn on the rizz.

When he asked why we jumped to his defense, we hit him with the ultimate "I was worried about you". This man's heart immediately gets to fluttering, and he's just making this too easy. It gets to a point where we make this "arrangement", so to speak. In exchange for giving him pointers on how to start standing up for himself, he has to date us. Of course, he jumps on this offer, because aside from him being the very type of spineless dweeb guy we're looking for, we knew that he had a serious crush on us. We know this because we had noticed that in passing and in the classes that we had together that he was always sneaking glances at us, so why not exploit that shoot our shot?

Anyways, we flawlessly sink the shot, and we get our date established. When we meet up, we decide to go to the batting cages, but it throws Milo off because they aren't the kind of batting cages that he was thinking of. Actually, quite frankly, it isn't really a batting cage but instead this really creepy room that has bats and is filled with mannequins.

Naturally, Milo starts asking questions, because now he's pretty uncomfortable with this whole thing, and it only gets worse when he sees us haul off and take a pretty ruthless swing at one of the dummies with a bat. At this point, Milo is holding one of the bats in his hands, and he's like "Nah, nah, I'm not into violence. Like, this is wild", but we reassure him that this isn't so much a reflection of character but a perfectly healthy way to get his anger out. He's still a little hesitant so we start planting thoughts giving him things to consider, and we're just like:

"Dude, are you not angry about the way that your so called 'friends' treated you? Did you actually like that they would use and abuse you when all you did was try to be nice? You did nothing wrong, and yet, they found it amusing to see you in pain. Do you really think you deserved to be treated like that...?" In short, we're just like "Getting your ass beat for the sake of friendship? Couldn't be me".

Milo stops for a second and really considered our words. After he really thought about it, he realized that he was and still is pissed about everything, and he goes in.

Like, really goes in to the point that the bat shattered and his hands started bleeding.

This scares the crap out of him because he didn't realize how much anger he had been holding in, but we find his performance desirable, not to mention severely attractive. Insert the Kronk meme because, my bois, it's all coming together.

We see the potential in Milo, and we're more than happy to help him reach that potential that we know he's capable of achieving. That being said, while he's trying to process what's going on, we just reassured him that we weren't scared of him and that it probably felt really good to finally get all that anger out. The tragic part is that Milo innocently agreed that it did.

We smile about the fact that he unknowingly took the bait, and we keep reeling him in. We tell Milo that we're really happy that he was able to get that anger out, because we understood that the world could be and is super cruel. While we're on the topic of the world being a really messed up place, we just idly bring up the concern of something happening to us and whether Milo'd protect us or not. Milo is once again thrown off because, yeah, the world is cruel, but why would we even picture a scenario like that? So, we explain that it's not necessarily that we wanted to think about it, but that because there's so much violence going on in the world, it was natural to think about.

That being said, we double down and tell him that he may have to protect us one day and fight back. We already know how Milo feels about violence, so we tell him to think of it more as self-defense and not so much as an excuse to be violent towards others for the sake of being violent. It was protection, really, for both himself and the people that he loves and "Milo...you'll protect me...right?"

And, once again, very innocently, he promises us that he will.

With that declaration, he became stronger. He upgraded from mannequins to glasses, plates, and whatever else in ramshackled houses to cars in abandoned lots. He even did classes that taught him how to fight, whether for self-defense, to protect others, or to simply hurt someone. He had become a bit more brash, and the "friends" that he had before started to back off because he was so different, but that was okay; that was what was best for him, and even more importantly, that was what we wanted.

Milo clung onto us. He knew that he was the only one that we could trust because our sweet Milo deserved the world, but the world didn't deserve him. He knew this because we told him exactly that, and why would we ever lie to him? We wouldn't, and because of that, Milo believes that we're the only one that he can trust -- as it should be.

Milo was slowly, but surely, starting to learn, but despite this improvement and despite this change...

...It still wasn't enough. Just the same as before.

Nah, nah, nah, I'm not telling you anymore, because it was hard enough withholding some of the details here. Know this though: this isn't even the halfway point let alone the thick of it, and this is one route out of eight that I just described to you. Yes, it gets damned wild, way beyond this.

FRICKIN FINALLY. I was about to explode trying to get to this part!

Guys, if it was not obvious, you guys have got to play this game! Like, I usually be like "Oh, if you want, and you have the time and feel like it, play this game" but nah, nah, nah, nah, NAH. This is not optional. You will seriously be missing out if you do not play this visual novel. Now admittedly, I got pissed at the MC because, shit, like, there's an option for self-insert, but I was so far detached from this character because this bitch is -- and Markiplier said it best -- fucking psycho crazy bonkers! Like, I saw certain stuff coming, but it's like, when it happened, it would be 10x worse than I thought it'd be.

Like, you honestly have no idea. The lil' synopsis I gave you at the top isn't even really a synopsis; more accurately, it's a teaser, because what I told you didn't even scratch the surface of what is going on. Guys, gals, gays, theys, all of y'all...please...I beg...play this damn game. Like holy shit, I cannot push this game enough. Like, yeah, sure, just to provide criticism or whatever, certain things or scenes are worded really "Ooh, I'm edgy and fucked up", and (unless I just read it weird) I think there were a few coding errors for nicknames and some super minor grammar errors, but like honestly, it doesn't even matter. I honestly couldn't give a damn because shit, the game is damned good! Like, there honestly isn't anything significant to complain about or critique. The dev? C4Games? They are out here, and they are setting the bar damned high.

Like, oh my gods, the fucking concept had me tripping out! Like, the whole "sadistic MC" or "The MC is crazy, too" trope isn't unheard of but, as far as I know, the execution itself is original, and I'm super geeked about it! A sadistic and twisted MC who is literally corrupting and molding an innocent guy to be the yandere that she craves. Like...what the hell? Ahhh!! I love it! Like, I literally cannot hold in the amount of gushing that I'm doing, and you can tell when I'm gushing because every other sentence will be "like, like, and like, like, like, and oh my gods, holy shit, like, like, like". Like lmao, I am gushing. I am ruined.

At this point, I feel that no other game will top this game. If I was making a tier list of the visual novels I have been reviewing, this is by far, no debate, an S Tier, God Tier, "whatever your highest tier would be" game. This visual novel is good, and I cannot wait to play the other seven routes, and guess what? The best part of all of this is that it's released! This is the entire game, and you can bet your ass that I'm going to be playing every route MUTLIPLE times!

Okay, I feel like the review and this overall post is long enough, and I want to stop myself from rambling and gushing anymore than I already have. That being said, that is officially all from me, and everyone's homework-- actually, nah. Everyone's project -- and it's going to be worth 100% of your grade -- is to play this damned game. EXPIDITIOUSLY. This is a requirement. This is an order.

Side note, I'm back on my sims kick, and I'm half tempted to make a family of the Milos I unlock because apparently -- pay attention! This is about to be a "pro, not really pro, but super helpful" tip! -- Milo's appearance and personality changes based on how you choose to mold him. Interesting, right? So, considering that there's 8 endings, I'm thinking there's 8 Milos, so...that's a full household in the Sims. Lol I might do it. I think I am.

Lol all right, enough rambling, I'm outta here for realsies! I hope everyone enjoys whatever time zone they're in, and, in case it wasn't clear or you missed it, play this damned game!

Anywho! Huge reminder! Drink water, don’t be dumb, play this game, and hope to see you around~!

Perfect Love

[lively-potter]

— nepenthe ; part four

— genre ; age gap, angst, fluff, smut, sheltered oc, ceo jungkook, mafia/gang vibes ( kinda/sorta )

— warnings ; please note that in the beginning, the oc is in an abusive home — and if this triggers you please do not read. the oc is of age but nothing smutty will be happening for a while — but there WILL be smut. A small bit of SA is in part two and if it tiggers you, don’t read.

— intro, part one, part two, part three

— 2024 © LivelyPotter

— find me on Wattpad ; LivelyPotter

— taglist ; @ahgasegotarmy116 @jk97bam

— word count ; 2.7k

***

SOLARIS January 22nd, 2024 Charleston, SC

"Damn it, gguk." a deep voice filters inside my ears as awareness creeps upon me. "What the hell did you do?"

I felt a softness underneath my head and I unconsciously nuzzled my head into it. My body felt like it was laid on a soft surface. What was happening?

"I scared the girl, okay?" a deep voice snarled back, "What else was I supposed to do when I found this little girl in my private room?"

"I don't know," a voice shot back sarcastically, "Maybe be calm and nicely ask her what she's doing in here. I mean, come now, gguk, she's a tiny thing – what harm could she cause?"

"You can never be too careful." the deeper, scarier voice spat back. "Don't question me, Theo."

Theo.

My lips parted as the memories of tonight came flooding back.

Father calling. Ataraxia. Theo...and...and the Chairman finding me.

Bile rose in my throat and I nearly felt like passing out again. Embarrassment flooded through my veins.

Oh goddess; what would Father think of me embarrassing not only me...but also damaging his image in front of Chairman Jeon? He is also known as his boss.

Oh God, please save my soul.

"Anyways, what were you doing in here? I thought you were in the other room with Mr. Caponeiv and his team?"

Chairman Jeon released a rough sigh, seemingly closer than expected to me. My fingers curled into my palms to ground myself.

How would I get out of here without being noticed?

I held perfectly still, holding my breath – listening closely to the Chairman's reply.

"Brittany came by."

"Called her didn't you?" Theo's accented voice rose an outcave in amusement.

A snort came out of the Chairman. "I'm going to be here longer than I'd like to. She offered. How could I refuse?"

Okay. It was time to 'wake up' now. Right?

Suddenly, a painful throbbing erupted at the back of my head, where I had hit it when I had taken a tumble off the soft couch. A loud whine of pain left my lips, and my tiny hand came out to grasp it.

"Oww!"

I kept my eyes clenched shut to not only hide behind my eyelids but to also keep the throbbing at bay. Shuffling was heard and the sound of the door closing was heard and I relaxed.

"Hello, little tesoro." I heard Theo say and then a big hand placed itself on my forehead. My body unwound from its tight posture in happiness.

If he was here then the Chairman must have left! Sweet Jesus, thank you! I'm not going to die today!

"Is your head paining badly? I can get you medicine," he asked kindly, helping me into a sitting position.

"N-no thank you, m-mister T-Theo." I stammered out in a rush, "d-did you find my Father?" I asked quietly, shoulders hunching.

My eyes were still closed as I cradled the back of my head.

"I did, little Tesoro. I gave him the money from your bag. He thinks you already went back home."

"Thank you. Is...is the s-scary man gone?" I whispered for clarification. Fear had the blood pumping through my veins rush at a faster rate.

I just wanted to go home and hold Mr. Carrots.

Theo let out a loud laugh, and I imagined his big shoulders shaking in the rhythm of his laughter. His hazel eyes sparkled in mirth as he beheld my trembling frame in front of his.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon, he had to step away from a moment."

Did he have to step away so his anger wouldn't get the best of him and he killed me? An audible gulp left me at the thought.

"Come, little tesoro, let's get you up on our feet." he smiled softly, grasping my hands in his and carefully helped me stand on my feet. The world spun for a split second, and I ground my stumbling feet to the floor.

"Thank y-you, Theo." I sent him a wobbly smile, finding my crocheted bag on the couch and slipping it across my body. My knees stung as they bent.

"C-can I go h-home now?" I asked, unable to look into his eyes without craning my neck back. At this gesture, a flash of the Chairman came to mind.

Goosebumps popped out upon my skin. He was even scarier and bigger than Theo was.

I'd do well to leave this place before he came back.

A look of hesitance crossed Theo's dark complexion; "You must wait a moment, tesoro. The Chairman may want to speak with you."

Paling, I stammered out a sentence.

"...w-why does h-he want to s-speak with me?" faintness passed through my body again.

The sound of the door opening had my feet stumbling forward to hide behind Theo's bulky body. The man I was hiding behind chuckled after the door closed and made his entrance known.

"Where is she?" he said.

My little fingers grasped the back of Theo's shirt in fear, huddling closer to the man.

"All is well, little tesoro. No need to hide." Theo spoke deeply, "He will not harm you."

"How are y-you so s-sure, M-mister Theo?" my voice came out small and meek in the Chairman's presence. I couldn't see him, but I feel him.

He could be in a crowded room and everyone would stop. Because that was the effect he had on people.

I heard an unfamiliar sigh and stiffened. I clenched the fabric of Theo's shirt tighter.

"Theo, Arilie needs you at the bar. Go help her." Chairman Jeon commanded, his orotund voice leaving no room to argue. In front of me, Theo said nothing, but I watched the back of his head move in a nod.

My pulse raced when Theo moved away, thus putting me right in front of the Chairman. Through my terror; I took the time to inspect the huge man in front of me.

As 'legend' goes; he was as intimidating as those women told me he was.

He towered over Theo by at least three inches. I would have had to put him at six foot four. His black suit and tie clung to every curve and crevice of his toned body to with every move of his arms – his biceps rippled underneath his jacket.

A tiny little gasp left my lips as my neck craned back to zero in on his face.

In short; his face was just perfectly breathtaking. Stunning, gorgeous, handsome, too perfect to put in simple words also fit.

It was his eyes that drew me in.

Chairman Jeon's deep brown irises were strikingly beautiful, his eye shape was something between rounded and almond-shaped and they even sparkled. His pretty eyes captivated me at first glance. It was as if he had a special power that drew people into wanting to know about the hidden shadows within his eyes.

His skin was a beautiful shade of tan with honey undertones.

My eyes squinted just a bit to catch a scar on his cheek and the freckle beneath his chubby double pierced bottom lip.

The Chairman's sharp jawline rocked back and forth as he turned his head, pretty eyes watching Theo retreating back.

I also looked at his pretty black hair, brushing against the back of his neck. It looked fluffy and inviting — my fingers twitched to get rid of the urge to play with his hair.

The door closed with a resounding thud and I was left alone to face the man that stood merely feet away from me. My teeth came down and captured my bottom lip between my teeth and bit down – a sting of pain rolling down my neck at the sensation.

I didn't know what to do with myself.

My white shoes scuffed along with marble floor, head hanging low while watching them kick at nothing. Unknowingly, I had drawn his attention to my silent figure.

"Come here." he acknowledged me, pretty sparkly eyes finding mine. I screached his eyes for any emotion, yet I couldn't detect one.

I quivered in my shoes and aquiesced to his demand without a word leaving me. It wouldn't do me any good to fight against him – I knew I would lose. I shrunk underneath his notice and slowly moved to stand in front of him.

It was then I realized, with a flush, that if I were to stand by his side – I'd only reach his bicep. How embarrassing.

Chairman Jeon watched with scrutiny, "Your name is Solaris?" he asked, gigantic body relaxing just a bit. He shoved his tattooed hands in his pockets, hiding his tattoos from view.

I nodded meekly, staring up at him with fear and admiration. Wow! He was terrifying, as expected, but I couldn't believe I was standing in front of him! He was basically a legend! World Famous and he said my name! It felt prettier and most important coming from his lips. 

He rose a brow, entirely unamused once I fought to swallow past the lump in my throat. "Are you going to speak?" he asked carefully, eyes glimmer just a bit more than before.

I flushed and tore my eyes away from his. "U-um...y-yes, sir." I simpered weakly, unable to look at the Chairman. I could only force myself to look at his shiny black shoes.

He was too appealing to look at. Way too perfect for someone like me to be allowed to stare at him.

"...m-my name is Solaris Celeste Vesper." I continued, pride flaring up within my soul as I spoke my full name aloud. My name was the prettiest thing about me, I believed.

Chairman Jeon made a small noise in the back of his throat.

It was soft and somehow relaxed my tense body.

"And how old are you, Solaris?"

It was official. No one had ever said my name the way he did. It made me love it even more.

I gnawed on my bottom lip, "...I'm n-ninteen, sir." I stammered respectfully, bowing my head in a show of upmost politeness. If I wasn't on my best behavior...well, it was just be my last day on this earth.

"Hmmm." Chairman Jeon clicked his tongue. Too frightened to take a peek at his face, I admired his shoes and how the color of his suit complimented his skin.

"Take a seat and I'll get your knees patched up, yes?"

My tummy fluttered as I wordlessly nodded and took a seat on the sofa and wiggled my bottom to get further up on the seat, feet swaying back and forth as they hung inches above the ground. I hesitantly looked up and was fixated as the Chairman walked behind me, pulled up slightly on the fabric of his pants and knelt down infront of my sitting figure.

I watched him open a small box with a bright red cross on the front and adverted my eyes when he glanced up.

"This may sting a bit," he said, lips pressed in a thin line as he tore open a small square packet and withdrew a white wipe.

"O-okay." I grimced in discomfort as he pressed the little wipe on my skinned knee, thoroughly cleaning my knees.

I rubbed my lips together and allowed myself to stare at the top of his head once his face was pointed downwards, focused.

He didn't seem so scary now. He was cleaning my wounds and being gentle, too. If he was helping me...well, he couldn't be too mean, right?

I was drawn to look at his hands once more.

His right hand had a plethora of pretty tattoos and I traced over every once of them with my eyes. My mouth formed a little O as I took in his pretty rings, they looked really expensive. But my favorite one would have to be the simpler golden ring, the one on his pinkie finger – it was classy and elegant all the same – with a engraved J on the flat surface of the ring.

A signet ring — telling all who looked at it exactly who he was and where he had come from.

Out of all of them; it was the prettiest in my opinion. Most of the time, the simpler things were the best.

My mouth opened and words came tumbling out before I could stop them.

"...y-you are scary...but not as s-scary as some p-people say, Mister." I uttered with a tiny flush as the q-tip swiping ointment along my knees stilled.

I paled, fearing that I had upset him, when he finally chuckled.

"Is that so?" he articulates, his perfectly chiseled face raising up to look at my pale face. I slumped back against the seat in relief when a small quirk lifted the side of his lips. Thank goodness he wasn't angry.

Chairman Jeon efficiently finished up cleaning my knees and placed pretty pink hello kitty bandaids on my knees that I giggled at.

I was beginning to relax around the man, enough to where I wasn't stammering my words in front of the man.

"Thank you, Mister!" I beamed up at him, wiggling my legs as I sat on the seat. My knees felt so much better after he doctored them and butterflies swarmed lowly in my tummy at his kind gesture.

"When is Mister Theo coming back?" I wondered, lips pouting out.

Chairman Jeon loosened his tie and blinked down at me, a light kindleding withing his eyes. "I have to go home soon, Mister. May I leave?" I admired his strong body as he took a seat across from me, and resting his ankle across his knee.

"Wait just a moment," he said, looking at my arms quickly, his glare sticking onto my upper arms. My eyes followed his and landed on the bruised skin. I covered my arms in shame and couldn't look at him in the eyes for a couple minutes.

His sharp jawline tightened when my hands covered what I could to shield the bruises from his sight. He pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, creating a bulb shape, and stared right into my eyes.

"I'll have Theo drop you off at home," he offered kindly, smiling gently at me – acting completely different to the man that I had met when he came into this room. My lips parted.

"...okay, Mister."

The Chairman nodded, face held in a blank expression, but eyes still kind. "Good." he remarked, taking his phone from his pocket. I watched him type something on his phone underneath my lashes, until he pocketed the sleek phone once more.

"Theo's waiting at the entrance." he passed on, running his fingers along his sharp jawline, his smokey sounding voice making me shudder.

"Thank you, Mister." I beamed and wiggled my bottom off the couch. I scurried across the room and opened the door.

I stopped myself before I closed the door. Remembering my manners, I poked my head back inside the door, and saw Chairman Jeon lick along his bottom lip, observing me in amusement.

"Bye, Mister! I hope you have a good night! And thank you!" I cheered, about to close the door – when I gasped once more. I poked my head back inside the room, "Oh – and I hope you sleep well! Goodnight!" I waved happily, feeling more at ease in the presence of Chairman Jeon.

The last thing I heard before closing the door, was his throaty chuckle.

author's note ; ✨

Solaris is so cute 😭😭🥹 I love her so much ❤️✨ As always, thank you so much for reading and enjoy!

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

My OFFICIAL intro post, since I never actually made one!

Hi!! I’m yourlocalbadgerscales ^^ My name is a reference to me being a Slytherpuff 💚💛

Yes, I’m a diehard Harry Potter fan and a Slytherpuff for life!

A little something about me then. I go by she/her pronouns and I am currently questioning my sexuality, but I’m pretty sure I am at least panromantic. And I feel like that’s all you need to know about my sexuality to know that this profile is a safe place for all you fellow queers (:

I feel like it’s also important to know that I am a teenager and therefore a minor, so any predators, please leave my profile immediately (I have already encountered one, sadly, and I’m new here! I made an account on Tumblr last week or so)!

But I do not mind making friends or just chatting with adults ^^

My interests:

• Music! I love singing and I want to learn playing the piano. I also love listening to music and I do it 24/7. My favourite artists right now are Conan Gray and Taylor Swift, but I also love a little bit of Eminem ^^ • Books! I read a lot, lately I have mostly read fanfiction but I want to change that, hehe. I also enjoy writing books myself (and fanfics).

• Harry Potter! I read the books when I was just a little kid, but I never really discovered the charm of Potterverse until last summer (when I btw realised that I was queer). I have strong opinions on many things in Harry Potter but there’s room for discussion! Feel free to comment on my posts and reblog, or just write to me privately so we can discuss!

• Marauders Era! I love the Marauders so much guys you don’t understand 😭 My favourite ships are Jegulus and Wolfstar! My favourite marauders era characters are James and Regulus!

•LGBTQIA+!

These are topics I will post a lot of stuff about on here!

Things I don’t like and won’t accept on my profile:

• Homophobes, transphobes etc.

• Racists

• People against feminism

• Bullies

• Snape apologists (unless you just want to have a polite, nice chat about your reasons and opinions, I love learning new things and trying to see stuff from a different POV!)

• Predators, pedophiles

• Trump supporters

• No picking sides between Israel and Hamas on here ‼️‼️‼️

• Nazis

• People who deny climate change

• People why deny that kids can have depression, anxiety etc.

• People who look down on other people with disorders or diagnoses

• Genuinely just people who look down on other, hate people for things they can’t control or are bullies. Yeah, you get it.

Other things to know about me:

• Don’t assume stuff about me

• I’m from Europe. Wtf is 5’6 and all that shi /j

• I don’t plan on showing my face on here. Ever. But I might reconsider.

• If you want to follow me elsewhere I am also on Pinterest and Spotify. Write to me and I’ll give you the links :)

• I am not diagnosed yet, however I am pretty damn sure I’m autistic and have ADD (ADHD), based on a lot of research and what professionals have said about me. So I am not self-diagnosed :)

• No slander of any kind on here. If you disagree with me or others here, be polite about it. I am kind of sensitive when it comes to destructive critism… learnt that the hard way.

• UNLESS I accidentally say something really hurtful! Don’t be scared to point that out! I can assure you I never meant to hurt anyone, if that’s the case.

Now you know a little more about me! I may have forgotten something so I might add stuff later!

I often follow back, BUT I would love if all my followers are just people who genuinely enjoy my content and not following me only to get more followers themselves.

Have a nice day and drink some water! ;) Your favourite badger xx ❤️

[channie-binnie]

Thoughts on the Stray Kids ATE Album

Wanted to just randomly put my thoughts and feelings regarding each song in the album because this is my first comeback with SKZ

Chk Chk Boom - Holy shit. This was the song I was looking forward to the most, and it did not fucking disappoint. As a Mexican Stay, just hearing them sing a little Spanish was everything to me. But what I loved most was Changbin’s flow. Idk it’s different from what I am used to hearing from him, but I enjoyed his parts the most. And the MV? I knew that Ryan Reynolds is a huge fan of SKZ, with Hugh Jackman being a fellow Aussie. I loved their cameo in the MV, and I bet they had fun filming it as well (Changbin could not keep it together and broke out in a smile when Ryan was speaking towards the end). As of now, have probably replayed the song more than 10 times due to it being so fucking good.

Mountains - This one I feel is going to take the longest for me to have it be up there as one of my favs. Not saying that it’s bad, but I don’t see myself going back to that song specifically (no hate please). I don’t have as much to talk about this one, but let’s see if my opinion changes in the future once I continue listening to it a few more times.

JJAM - I was moving to this one specifically. Well, I was moving to the whole song. The “peanut butter jelly time” line goes hard ngl (bonus mention of the “I know, you know, Lee Know). I love whenever Changbin and Han go back and forth with their raps. Idk what else to say except that this is definitely a no-skip for me.

I Like It - This song is right after Chk Chk Boom for me. Seungmin’s intro?? Hooked me right away. But damn once you read the lyrics? Damn. But that really is the reality of love for some people. The falsetto of Seungmin, I.N, Lee Know, and Chan’s voices before the chorus? Fuck yes. This is another song that is on repeat for me.

Runners - Chan and Hyunjin are just ugh. Their vocal delivery? Yes. And Seungmin killed it in this song. This is not to say that I am ignoring Felix, because damn. I thought I would get used to his deep voice, but there are still times I would get caught off guard. I.N’s voice continues to be absolutely heavenly to listen to.

Twilight - The song sounds rich, if that makes any sense. I can easily imagine this song playing at an expensive restaurant. I wasn’t sure if the album was going to have a slow song, so I was surprised to hear this one. My music taste is all over the place, but I immediately loved the slowness of this one.

Stray Kids - This one made me emotional. I know I haven’t been a Stay for long (like 2 months now) but it makes me feel happy to see how much they accomplished as a group, and I feel the fans that have been there since the beginning, that feeling is a lot more stronger. After hearing that they still want to continue doing music together (with them renewing their contracts for more years) is something that I am looking forward to in the future. With the callbacks to their older song titles, I’m just happy that they still want to be together. Older fans must be feeling something else right now.

Chk Chk Boom (Festival Version) - I will say, regarding Rockstar, I didn’t quite enjoy the rock version of LaLaLaLa, as I preferred the original much more. But this version of Chk Chk Boom? Both the og and this version are tied. I don’t know which one I prefer tbh. I might prefer the og, but this version is so fucking good I can imagine myself not caring which version gets played.

[all444miles]

songs that remind me of atsv characters! (series)

summary: just me saying what artists atsv characters would listen to, songs by said artists that js scream "(character)", albums, and lyrics that just make it make sense, yk?

warnings: pretty small spoilers, i suggest you watch the movie before reading this, of course!

a/n: i'm not proofreading this, so there might be some spelling mistakes. sorry if you see any, but enjoy! i also don't expect this to blow up, but reblogs r appreciated! (i will make a pt.2 if this gets enough attention, btw)

miles morales (1610)

miles to me seems like a future, frank ocean, kendrick lamar, steve lacy, PARTYNEXTDOOR, brent faiyaz/sonder and a lil sza, cuz lets be fr, its sza, kinda guy. he's the kinda guy to love music for the meaning, as long as its got a good beat to it. now, song wise?

solo by future, for sure. you can just listen to it and be like "yeah, thats miles." especially the lyrics, "i been solo now, i've been goin solo now". reminds me when he says "nah, ima do my own thing" in the movie.

her way by partynextdoor. this song feels like a song he'd play while he's drawing (coughs, drawing gwen for the 70th time) the lyrics, "She wasn't on a roll, now she roll with a winner" reminds me of gwen n miles cuz at first, when they met, it was kind of just the two of em, but now she's out with the spider society (well, she was) with hobie and patvir, "rollin with winners."

miles + brent faiyaz = perfection. needed portrays miles when he finds out about his friends' betrayal perfectly. "you and your friends, rammed my name to the ground." makes you think about the scene where he realises they knew what would happen to his father all along.

infrunami by steve lacy. ive seen this on tiktok too many dayum times not to include it lmaoo gwen and miles. every word of that song screams gwen and miles, but esp "can you come back to me? cuz I was blind to see that you were right infront of me." just remember that scene where miles was upside down infront of gwen and moved closer to kiss her but didnt cuz he was invisible? yeah, those exact lyrics match that exact moment and we ALL know it!

Let 'em know by bryson tiller. Ian even gonna go into the details but we all know why. "mf im him" (miles is him and always will be fr)

long time - intro by playboi carti. i also will try not to go tm into details but "i aint felt like this in a long time, i aint had shit in a long time" cuz miles hasn't had that "its me, myself and i (corny ik)" kind of vibe in a while. and "i'd rather die before i come in last" but think of it in a sense than he'd rather die than stand back and let his dad pass.

this is how it feels by d4vd and laufey. no explanation needed (ive js been talking tm), gwen and miles and their relationship

open arms by sza! i also think this song really reminds me of gwen and miles but miles' character overall, yk? gwen and miles primarily because "i gotta let you go i must, you're the only one that's holding me down." that "goodbye gwen", the look on his face while he says it and those lyrics make alot of sense together.

and yk what? loveeeeee song by rihanna, cuz why not.

i'm not gonna go too much into details with this so album wise:

sonder son by brent faiyaz

sos (slightly) by sza

starboy and after hours by the weeknd

DAMN. by kendrick lamar

petals to thorns by d4vd

call me if you get lost by tyler, the creator

her loss (coughs, spin bout U) by drake

a/n 2: and, thats all! i hope y'all enjoyed these hcs and found them accurate, as i said ill make a pt2 if this gets enough recognition! see ya'll soon <3

©all444miles 2023

- likes, comments, asks, n reblogs are rlly appreciated ! <3

[timeagainreviews]

From Page to Screen: The Star Beast

Growing up can feel like a lifelong process. I’m an adult, but I’m obsessed with a time-travelling alien show. Part of you will always feel like a kid, but another part knows the past is the past. While I may fantasise about revisiting my past like the Doctor, I admit it wouldn’t feel the same. I’ve changed. The ‘80s could never feel like the present. Every hairdo dated. Every new record in the shop window is a relic. Childhood always stays with you, but as an ever further memory. Understand then the implication that when my household of 30-40-somethings finished watching “The Star Beast,” we were like children.

In my “The Eve of the 60th,” article, I talked about how I don’t have a childhood nostalgia for Doctor Who. But sometimes, the things we love inspire a childlike enthusiasm within us. Somehow, Russell T Davies managed to retcon my past. In this timestream, Natalie has childhood nostalgia for Doctor Who. Using the TARDIS, RTD has managed to time travel back to our hearts. There’s something warm and fuzzy (and I don’t just mean the Meep) in my chest and I’d like to talk about it.

There are some Doctor Who reviewers who seem to think it’s impossible to talk about the Doctor Who episodes they enjoyed. But if we learned anything from the Jedi, it’s that walking the path of the light side is harder. Snarky shittiness is fun to partake in because it’s easy and immediately gratifying. But I’m not here for shittiness. I’m here for the love. It feels so good to say “I loved The Star Beast,” but it doesn’t mean I don’t have notes. I started out writing about the Chibnall era from a place of enthusiasm. I can’t help what happened after the fact.

My enthusiasm at the beginning of the Chibnall era isn’t a bad place to start this review. Because after “The Woman Who Fell to Earth,” I still possessed said enthusiasm. Seeing Jodie Whittaker as the first woman Doctor was a joyous experience. And seeing David Tennant in the TARDIS again was just as joyful. It’s a fabulous feeling, but I was burned the last time I felt this way. I further temper my expectations because, as I said, I do have notes.

When you spend a large portion of your time either watching, listening, reading, writing, or thinking about Doctor Who, you forget that to some, it’s just a TV show. It’s one of the many they try and watch but miss the odd episode. So while I may roll my eyes at the goofy PowerPoint presentation at the beginning of Saturday’s episode, I have to remind myself that not everyone has been obsessed with Donna Noble for years. Some people might need a little reminder. Fine. While the casuals and newbies are getting caught up on the Nobles, I’ll be over in the corner frothing.

Previously I mentioned that I was withholding judgement for Murry Gold’s new intro music until I heard the full mix. Now that I’ve heard it I can say I liked it much better. It’s far more bombastic with proper engineering. The intro sequence itself was colourful but safe. I enjoyed watching the TARDIS skim the perimeters of the time vortex like a surfer catching a wave. It’s ironic that Dan Slott admitted to writing The Silver Surfer to be like Doctor Who, as it was the Silver Surfer I thought of during this sequence. People have been musing that the Disney influence may have Doctor Who going down the path of the MCU, but this one is pure coincidence. The intro is stunning and fits this exciting new era perfectly.

It’s not as though “The Star Beast,” were an adaptation of a Marvel comic published in 1980. Oh it was? Oh right. Well they got us on this one! Surely they wouldn’t copy the MCU further by hiring the directors of Loki. Oh they have? Oh right. Well at least they didn’t do a Marvel Studios type of production logo that shows different characters across the franchise to play before every new show. Oh they did? Well damn, I guess they are going Marvel. It makes sense when you consider that many people said Loki was doing Doctor Who better than Doctor Who was doing Doctor Who. And on top of that, “The Star Beast,” is a fantastic comic in its own right. I would say Russell T Davies is a mad genius for mining gems from the extended Whoniverse, but he’s done it before with “Human Nature.” My only regret is that this somewhat undoes the continuity of the comics. The nerd in me can’t help but acknowledge the fact that the same comic recently canonically destroyed the Thirteenth Doctor’s sonic screwdriver, and put the Fourteenth Doctor on course to Skaro where we saw him briefly in the Children in Need special. Timestreams.

“The Time Beast,” has now gone the way of “Shada.” Both stories take place across multiple Doctors and multiple forms of media. Not only is there an audio adaptation of Shada featuring Paul McGann, there’s also an audio adaptation of The Star Beast starring Tom Baker. Add the upcoming Target novelisation and you’ll soon have both stories in book form. It’s the fandom’s new “The Doctor’s Daughter was played by the Doctor’s daughter who then went on to marry the Doctor who played her father in the episode ‘The Doctor’s Daughter.’” Get ready to hear that ad nausea. All of this is to say I love when Doctor Who acknowledges its other media and this one was well played.

This adaptation of the Pat Mills and Dave Gibbons comic is a loose one. While the Meep and Wrarth Warriors look fantastic, some minor liberties have been taken with the story. Yet it’s hard not to admire how Russell T Davies has woven the Noble family and a narrative about gender identity in such a way that it feels seamless. Themes of duality and stereotyping are heavy throughout this episode. Speaking of gender identity, I totally called it with Rose’s choice of name. I said I hoped they would use the trans experience of choosing ones own name to tell a wibbly wobbly timey wimey story, and they did. But this also brings me to my biggest sticking point in the entire episode. I’ve seen a lot of people online using the word “clunky,” and that’s exactly what I would call it. Having Rose choose her name from a latent human/Time Lord meta-crisis going on inside her was great. However, having it be a factor in her gender identity left me a bit cold. It may have worked better if it had been implied that Rose was non-binary at some point before.

Ultimately, it feels like a cis male trying to write an empowering trans narrative and missing the mark a bit. It’s like your uncle using the wrong language to awkwardly say “I support you.” It’s in no way problematic, but it could have done with being passed through a few different trans people’s hands before going into production. Donna’s line "Anyone has a go, I will be there and I will descend,” is the Doctor Who equivalent of David Lynch telling transphobes to “fix their hearts of die,” and I want it on a pin. As a trans woman, I do appreciate the trans representation, but it didn’t quite stick the landing. Moving forward, my personal preference would be to just let trans characters exist. We don’t need you to constantly point out our differences. On the other hand, we did get what seems like very positive disability representation. My disabled Whovian friends all seem to agree that having Shirley Anne Bingham with her rocket chair and a wheelchair-accessible TARDIS made them feel seen. One out of two ain’t so bad, Russell. 

It’s funny to me that it took the Doctor becoming a man again to even start asking questions about gender. Chris Chibnall felt as though he was afraid of bringing up the Doctor’s new gender. It felt very “I don’t see colour, I just see people,” like mentioning the Doctor’s gender would have been the real sexism. I can think of three moments where the Doctor’s gender comes up in the Chibnall era- when the Doctor called herself daddy, when Captain Jack thought Graham was the Doctor, and when the Sontarans thought the Doctor was a companion. It wasn’t until Juno Dawson, a trans woman, wrote “The Good Doctor,” did we get a great conversation about the Doctor’s non-binary nature. I guess “The Star Beast,” was right, trans people are fucking magic.

Seeing David Tennant in his new threads with a sonic screwdriver that draws shields in the air was very cool. He and Catherine Tate haven’t missed a step, and of course, they haven’t, they’ve been playing the same characters on Big Finish for years. But people still felt the need to point it out, so here’s me doing it too. That’s quality. Their meeting again played out almost exactly as I predicted it would in my article “The Future of Doctor Who.” The Doctor is going to see Donna behind some packages, freak out when he realises it’s her, but come running like a puppy dog at the name “Rose.” Only in this instance, the Doctor is torn away from this intriguing discovery by what appears to be an alien craft crashlanding in London. Donna, of course, remained oblivious, as per the terms and conditions of the the Doctor’s neural block he placed on her 14 years ago.

This “new” Doctor prefers to play things close to his chest at first. He avoids Donna and UNIT alike. He still doesn’t know why he has this face again, or why out of all the people in time and space, the TARDIS decided to put that face in front of Donna Noble. If there is a reason, he’s not going to assume what it is, or who might be responsible. I loved watching the Doctor question Shaun about Donna. The fact that the Doctor still remembers the name Nerys after hundreds of years made me laugh out loud. It’s nice to see the Doctor being Doctory. He’s skulking around. He’s getting clues. He’s not making assumptions. Already he’s learned that the rocket hadn’t crashed. Something is not as it seems, and the Doctor intends to find out what.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town we meet Fudge who tells Rose about the alien space pod that landed near their houses. Fudge is one of the few characters who kept his name from the comic. They don’t even call the Meep "Beep" anymore (sort of.) As in the comics, Fudge is an excitable boy interested in science and space. He also plays a major part in helping the episode feel like classic Davies era stuff. One thing we often missed from both the Moffat and Chibnall era was the human cost of alien invasion. Watching Fudge’s reaction to the streets of London turning molten was a nice reminder that the danger was real. Seeing the BBC news correspondant being thrown into the back of a UNIT van made me happier than you might expect. I was reminded of Trinity Wells giving us news briefs. I missed the clever ways in which Davies made the world feel involved in his stories while also getting a bit of exposition out of it. It was at that moment that I realised RTD and Doctor Who were officially back. 

While going back to the house to grab her phone, Rose meets the Meep hiding amongst her bins. Right away she feels kinship to the Meep who she sees as a misanthrope hiding from oppressors. Of course, she gives the Meep sanctuary. Even though the E.T. moment of Donna discovering the Meep among Rose’s “gonks,” had been played over and over throughout the trailer, it still made me laugh. Catherine Tate has great comedic timing, and watching Rose attempt to draw her attention away was charming. Everyone but Shaun seems hellbent on hiding aliens from Donna, especially Sylvia. I found Sylvia’s transition into a sort of June Whitfield à la Ab Fab entertaining. She’s just let herself in making enormous sausage rolls and tuna curry.

The Doctor says things like “I absolutely love her,” now. Even Sylvia feels warmer toward Donna. Her insistence that the Meep doesn’t exist, even as its holding onto Donna’s leg doesn’t come from her old streak of meanness, but rather from a place of protection. She’s horrified by the prospect of Donna seeing an alien and it burning up her mind. She’s carried the facade this long. This falls into line with the character growth she began experiencing toward the end of the original RTD run and I am happy she didn’t regress.

Most of the Donna Noble story remains in tact and accounted for. Shaun? Still her husband. The lottery winnings? Gave it away. Nerys? Still a snake in the grass, despite the accident. The only one missing is Wilf who the Doctor fears is dead. Honestly, who can blame him though? The only times people say “He’s no longer with us,” are usually when someone has either left their job or died. I guess it’s a nice fakeout for people who didn’t see behind-the-scenes photos from some guy on Twitter. We are given hints that we’ll see him at some point, probably in “The Giggle.” I liked the implication that UNIT has put him up in some comfortable digs. It’s nice to imagine that Wilf and Benton are probably playing chess in a posh retirement home somewhere.

UNIT is back in a major way, and it appears to have some new players. I feel like we’ll see more of Major Singh and Colonel Chan. It would be nice to get some recurring UNIT soldiers again. I feel like they missed a chance with Ross Jenkins in “The Poison Sky.” Kate Stewart is set to return, but replacing Osgood is Shirley Anne Bingham. I loved Osgood, but after seeing Shirley take those soldiers out with darts hidden in her chair I thought “Oh no, I think I fancy her.” She’s got a mischievous air about her that makes her feel a bit cheeky. It will be a lot of fun to see what Ruth Madeley brings to the table. I hope they don’t shunt her off as quickly as the rest of them. 

After a daring escape through the lofts of several people’s homes, the Doctor and the Noble-Temples escort the Meep to safety. But after witnessing the Wrarth Warriors’ tendency toward non-lethal force, the Doctor begins to piece together who might have taken over the minds of Colonel Chan and his men. The Doctor decides it’s time for the Meep to plead its case in the court of a parking garage. After gathering two Wrarth Warriors as witnesses, the Doctor dons a barrister’s wig and invokes Shadow Proclamation Protocols 15, P and 6. And dammit wasn’t it good to hear David Tennant invoke the Shadow Proclamation again? Blissful, even.

One thing I particularly liked about the barrister’s wig is that it calls back to the Fourth Doctor in one of my favourite stories- “The Stones of Blood.” Not only was it good to see the Fourth Doctor referenced in what was originally a Fourth Doctor story, but it also mirrors the circumstances of the original trial quite well. In both cases, an evil villain is posing as a harmless innocent and it’s on the Doctor to prove it. Like the black sun of the comics, a Psychedelic sun turned Meepkind into hideously evil monsters. Their once gentle natures now give way to sadism and conquest. The last remaining Meep, the worst of them all, stands before us today. If you had read the comic book like I did, you would have known this to be true, but up until the reveal, my wife would have died for the Meep. She was mostly alone in this as everyone else saw the Meep’s “I will either die or turn evil,” t-shirt quite early on. Interestingly, some people were actually drawn in by the Meep’s lies.

Casting off its ruse, the Meep’s face contorts as it produces a laser gun from its marsupial pouch. I absolutely love the transition from Puss In Boots to Dr Evil’s cat. The marriage of CGI and practical effects had me wondering how they managed the change. I imagine they had two separate sculpts for the head. One cutesy floof and one twisted grin. I know it’s difficult work, but I love an old fashioned person in a costume. It was cool to get a glimpse into the performance with the Cicely Fay interview on Doctor Who Unleashed. As a person interested in practical effects, this was right up my alley. It’s nice to see that no matter how big Doctor Who gets, they’ll still use a performer in a suit.

The Meep takes the Doctor and company back to its ship to keep them as an in-flight meal. But before the Meep can get them all on the ship, UNIT intercepts leaving only the Doctor and Donna onboard. It’s up to them to stop the Meep before the ship’s dagger drive takes out 9 million Londoners upon lift-off. Evoking the MCU once again, the Doctor deprograms Donna like she’s the Winter Soldier or Black Widow calming the Hulk. The code awakens the Doctor Donna which causes her to exhaust artron energy. We get another classic David Tennant yells at God moment as yet another member of the Noble family is separated by glass. But just as things begin to feel hopeless we learn that not only is Donna not dead, but Rose is also part human and part Time Lord. Using her brief taste of Time Lord consciousness, Rose fully disables the Meep’s ship and the molten cracks from the dagger drive powering up disappear. This was so cheesy and I adored it. Classic RTD right there.

A recurring argument I see in favour of Chris Chibnall is to point out how people often complain about things the Thirteenth Doctor does that other Doctors also did. According to this theory, every Doctor has their own “giving a brown man up to the Nazis,” moment. You know, kind of like when the Eleventh Doctor murdered Solomon by teleporting a bomb onto his ship as he was escaping. He could have teleported the bomb anywhere but chose murder. Who was it that wrote “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship,” again? Chris Chibnall? Oh. We do get a bit of that here with the Fourteenth Doctor ejecting the Meep from its ship. But the Meep was refusing to know when it was beaten. It’s the Sycorax all over again- no second chances. It’s dumb to call the Doctor a pacifist, but is it better that the Twelfth Doctor pushed the Half-Faced Man in “Deep Breath,” or that he talked him into jumping? These are some pretty heavy concepts, but no, the Nazi thing was still worse.

I was glad to see the human/Time Lord meta-crisis taken care of in this first story. It’s nice that Donna is out of the woods and able to have some final adventures with the Doctor before she bows out again. It would have been kind of distracting for them to have to keep worrying about her mind burning every time someone said the word Doctor. It also allows us to fully enjoy the TARDIS reveal. Watching David Tennant run through the slick new interior like a little boy was euphoric. It was cute to get confirmation that even the Doctor has a moment of discovery whenever there is a new console. You always assume the Doctor just knows how to pilot any configuration of TARDIS controls, but even he sometimes has to ask “What’s that?” The TARDIS redesign was well worth the wait. Such a gorgeous set. It’s easily my second favourite TARDIS interior after the Eighth Doctor’s. The changing colour of the round things will offer so many different moods. White for normal function, red for the cloister bell, and purple for the disco party. The Doctor should get some roller skates now. Maybe if they visit the ‘70s at some point. I pray there’s a mirror ball.

Along with a possible mirror ball, the new TARDIS console comes decked with a coffee machine. If you’ll recall “The Doctor’s Wife,” the TARDIS doesn’t always take the Doctor where he wants to go, but always takes him where he needs to be. This means that the TARDIS dropped the Doctor off next to Donna, redecorated knowing about Donna’s tendency toward spilling coffee on computers, and offers her a cup of coffee. That’s some 3-D chess there, old girl. But wherever it is she was so keen to take them in “The Wild Blue Yonder,” she seems as equally keen to escape. From some of the stills I've seen, I wonder if it isn't some sort of evil TARDIS they've found themselves inside.

Judging by Davies' past penchant for planting the seeds of future stories across multiple seasons, it may be a while before we meet the Meep's cryptic boss. Will this boss have anything to do with the woman in Dubai who is gaga over Rose's gonks? Was that just a red herring? Perhaps this boss is actually the Toymaker and I'm overthinking it. But why would he be interested in two-hearted creatures? Is he searching for two-hearted species to track down the Doctor for some revenge? I have so many questions! As wonderful as it is to be curious about Doctor Who again, we'll still have to wait until next week. But the longer wait is over. Doctor Who is back, and isn’t that exciting?

[aprillikesthings]

I think I finally have the energy for more rewatch

We're on the home stretch now folks

*cries*

s5 ep9 An Ill Wind

Me when I started doing this nearly two months ago: oh my god I can't do this for every episode it'll take me MONTHS to watch them all I want is to refresh my memory of the show enough to write my damn fic

Me now, having done this for Yes, Every Fucking Episode: I'm not ready for the show to be over ;_; Also I am devastatingly obsessed with Catra and learned I have a specific kink I didn't know the name of before and I keep practicing eyeliner like every night so I can cosplay Catra :D

ahahahah oh god

also from here on out I am going to not read the synopses

(I didn't do that for most of the episodes anyway tbh)

Glimmer can teleport relatively far distances with multiple people again but Catra is NOT a fan

also they're toUCHING

Adora, looking into the woods: hey come look at this

Catra: *still suppressing puking from some form of motion sickness caused by teleportation*

oh they find the empty torn up camp

Glimmer: maybe they went to Bright Moon or Mystacor? Catra: dude you know they could all be chipped so maybe we should be careful Glimmer: oh you don't trust princesses? Adora: Catra's right Catra: *grins in satisfaction*

just look at her

the fuckin. lack of subtlety here. as always. *chef's kiss*

("ugh they didn't HAVE to be so obvious don't you think it's Too Much" listen I've literally seen people who've watched Arcane be surprised to find out that people are shipping Vi and Caitlyn. "Really? I didn't think that was romantic." You didn't? Did we watch the same fucking show??? The one where those two have romantic tension so thick you could carve it with a KNIFE? The one where they had an overdramatic breakup scene in the rain even tho they hadn't kissed or anything? The one where they lay on Caitlyn's bed and talked about Vi's past while making significant eye contact and holding hands and Caitlyn pet Vi's face? That scene where they hug on the bridge and Vi does that like, face pet thing before walking off and they're clearly both in AGONY at being separated?! Are you really that fucking oblivious??? Jesus H Christ. Yes She-Ra made it SUPER OBVIOUS because some people are BAD AT PICKING UP THIS SHIT also She-Ra is aimed at kids and they haven't learned subtlety. Arcane was aimed at adults.)

no really I've seen people express surprise that people think they're going to be a couple. when that ^ was after they'd known each other like two hours

(seriously tho, if you can handle violence (there's a LOT ngl, it is not a show for kids) then you should watch Arcane, the people who make it have made it pretty clear that it's gonna be canon, and the next season is out in November; but also leaving shipping aside it's just REALLY, REALLY GOOD)

ANYWAY back to other animated lesbians

lol Glimmer teleports them all again without warning and Catra really does look like she's gonna hurl

And Erelandia ain't looking so good, oops

(but also yes Adora helped Catra up again)

intro is the same as the last episode

AHAHAH a dozen planets are rebelling against Horde Prime he's so pissed. And they apparently all mention She-Ra

yeah I am again surprised at how much of the actual plot I forgot lol (but I remembered that Glimmer liked to sneak into the kitchen to eat cake with her hands. Y'know. Important things.)

given his tiny facial reactions I think that's Hordak-Hordak. Our Hordak. Not the Wrong Hordak. I think.

once again I ask myself: where did y'all get those outfits

Entrapta teaches Wrong Hordak how to wink and it's so cute. I also love that she explains what it means--because I'm sure she had to consciously learn it, too: "It signals unspoken intent behind my words. In this case, our mutual deception of the Horde. Now you try."

awww

but yeah everyone in town is terrified and won't talk to them, and especially doesn't want to talk about any princesses

"should I buy property here?"

"...go team."

C'MON THAT WAS FUNNY, GUYS

Also, note to self, Melog definitely understands human speech--they split up, Catra is told to stick with Entrapta and Melog (and Catra frowns at this, just barely) and Adora tells Melog to keep them safe and it does a little noise of affirmation. (wait is Melog a he or a she or a they?)(fan wiki says it's an it but dang I feel weird using "it")

Okay so the scene where Glimmer, Adora, and Bow hide in a shop and then end up arguing with the shopkeeper is like, fascinating on multiple levels

Because on the one hand: I can't blame the townspeople for just keeping their head down and trying to get out alive. On the other hand, reporting them to the Horde isn't cool; they could just pretend not to be suspicious of these guys; there are in fact lots of places on the spectrum between "actively collaborating with one's oppressors" and "mounting a full-scale armed rebellion."

But on the other other hand I also think it's interesting that Adora's the only one of the three who's like "nah dude just let these people live their lives omg," something about Adora having lived in an oppressive environment for her whole childhood maybe

poor Adora someone get her an ibuprofen

Anyway Spinerella found them ack

Also Melog steals an apple for Catra, just magically takes it from someone's basket and into Catra's hand, which implies they're communicating non-verbally more than just moods, though I suppose "hungry, that apple looks good" is a mood

speaking of things that would make ANYone motion sick--

(Adora is saying it) Catra's right there, dude. You spent the last four seasons fighting her. lol.

Oh I paused it too soon lol Catra says this line:

LOLOL

Back on Horde Prime's ship, Hordak keeps looking at the chip thing Entrapta gave him and gets caught by Prime, whoopsie

oh hey, lore: Horde Prime can't access ALL the memories in his previous bodies without going into them, and he keeps his old bodies around in that green goo, that's fucking weird and gross, anyway he plugs a connection into his old body

Horde Prime: "The First Ones sought a new source of power of ancient worlds. Why? Why bend themselves to the whims of magic and myth?"

Poor Hordak has flashbacks to Entrapta and the Fright Zone. Mostly Entrapta. Including a moment of her looking at him fondly--I think it's the moment when she says "Imperfection is beautiful."

Horde Prime: "The fools took their secrets with them when they died. But I will find another way."

(I've seen a fan discussion suggest that there aren't actually any First Ones left--that when Light Hope made it so Adora came through the portal, the portal itself went back in time. I like that explanation in part because it means in my fic I don't have to figure out why Adora doesn't go looking for her birth family. Which tbh most fic-writers don't worry about anyway lol.)

Back with the rebellion, poor Catra is once again trying not to lose her lunch because they've all teleported.

And Netossa is like WTF IS THAT BITCH DOING HERE

Melog doesn't like that

Adora: "It's a long story, but she's with us now" Netossa: "...really??" (Catra in the background: hisses)

BAHAHA and then Netossa spots Wrong Hordak and they have to explain, no that one's with us, too 😬

But yeah p much the entire rebellion has been chipped except like Netossa and Perfuma

Adora and Bow have a guilt trip about having been gone for so long (...to rescue the queen! and also Catra)

and Catra's remembering what it's like to be chipped :(

Glimmer gives them all a ra-ra little speech

Adora just makes the sword appear in her hand without transforming lol that's cool

but they're doing the "I'm in" "yeah me too!" thing and

like, on dates?

(lol)

yayyy

Anyway the team heads back to Erelandia and starts kicking some ass

there's a great moment when Catra's like "you go deal with Spinnerella we'll take care of the bots" and Adora says "be careful" and Catra grins and says "always am!" like ma'am that is a LIE

Spinnerella is torturing some poor villager, and Netossa is worried her wife isn't still "in there"

Adora would know. From literal, personal experience. ;_;

She transforms into She-Ra and Netossa literally does a whistle of appreciation and says, "New look?" and She-Ra grins back. And somehow that is, like. Super queer. Like literally just one lesbian to another, in a flirty-but-not kinda way. Like I have *had* those interactions, where the underlying meaning is "I know we're each in a relationship, so I'm not actually hitting on you; but as one queer woman to another I want you to know that I see what you're putting out there and I like it." It's one of the best things??????

Netossa gives a little speech to Spinnerella about how she loves her and Spinnerella actually comes back for a few seconds ;_; but then she's gone again, but She-Ra and Netossa convince her to disappear for a while at least? And the locals rejoice.

And Catra would know. ;_; (She rubs the back of her neck after saying this.)

Anyway word gets back to Horde Prime that She-Ra is back on Etheria :D and he's so fucking pissed he's going to go there

...and Hordak spends a long moment looking at that chip from Entrapta again

They go to where the rebellion is actually hiding out, Glimmer and Catra recognize it

and I'M BLANKING ON WHY THEY'RE REACTING THIS WAY HELP seriously I have spent like ten minutes trying to figure it out, I don't think they talked about it while on Horde Prime's ship? Fuck!! IF YOU KNOW PLZ TELL ME

Any Perfuma ties them up and makes sure they're not chipped and then it's Happy Reunion Time with everyone :D

Adora to Catra: it's time for you to meet everyone Catra: are you sure??

I got that one without trying I didn't know it was coming lololol I was trying to get a shot of Catra looking hopeful

poor thing

Adora: long story but she's with us now!!!

Adora (well, as She-Ra) gives them all a little pep talk

ANNND EPISODE OVER

and I don't have time to do another one tonight and I won't have time tomorrow until like after 6:30pm aaaaaaugh

ON THE UPSIDE I only work two days this upcoming week.

Because it's Holy Week. I'm going to be in church like every day starting Wednesday and twice a couple of days ahahaha including an hour in the middle of the night on Thursday.

It is DEEPLY HILARIOUS to me that I'm going to end up watching the last episodes of She-Ra mere days before Easter. Like I literally have four left. Assuming I watch one tomorrow, I could end up watching the next one Tuesday night and watching the last two BEFORE GOING TO CHURCH ON WEDNESDAY how tf am I gonna focus for SHIT lolol

[kamorth]

Just as an intro, yes this post reads VERY white. Unfortunately a lot of recent history is only accessible through white lenses and as I myself am about as white as it is possible to be, I don't have another viewpoint that I can write from with any kind of authority. My lack of experience does not negate anyone else's experiences or views.

In the 80s, being punk was how you showed disdain for conformity. NO, I DON'T Want to be Like You THE WOLRD IS SHITTY AND I AM ANGRY. They were the trash that you warned your kids to stay away from because they were dangerous and violent.

Grunge quickly followed suit with Yeah the world is shitty why do what the boring conformist bougies tell you when you can just do your own thing over here instead. They were the trash you hoped your kids got sick of but the worst parents ever suspected of them was maybe a bit of weed and some clumsy make outs, not that big a deal.

In the late 90s (my teens) it was goths. We are so sick of you and your church and shoving it down my throat with pushing for prayer in schools and Christian Pop Rock all over the billboard top 40. That kid is a witch now and You JUST Don't Get It. Depression is my baseline and the idea of being like you is the cause. We were the trash that were just indulging in a phase and would grow out of it, so we could be humored but mostly ignored (unless your parents were hard core Bible bashers, in which case you would get sent to something akin to conversion therapy - since you were also probably Queer it often was just outright conversion therapy).

Then the emos showed up and people started getting annoyed, partly because suddenly there were goths that you COULDN'T ignore for two reasons, they were LOUD about being sad and THERE WERE SO MANY OF THEM. Since they couldn't be ignored out of existence, the Western world decided to collectively bully them instead. They were the trash that was Just So Damn Cringe!

And now poverty is skyrocketing. Homelessness is a plague that has struck so many people who have committed no crime outside of bad luck. Actual fascists are in positions of power. Planned obsolescence and decades of lobbying by the oil industry in favour of petrol and plastics is destroying everything beautiful about this planet.

And Punk is back. Be ANGRY at your politicians who don't listen. Let your anger be heard so that they know you will not accept these ideas. Grunge is back. It doesn't have to be new, it just has to be functional. Work together to make a community you WANT to live in. Goth is back. Mourn for the world we were promised but never saw. Learn about belief systems that are different to the one you were raised in, ESPECIALLY if doing so pisses off your parents. Emo is back. Fuck haters. Cringe is dead. Being comfortable in your own skin means being allowed to do what YOU want, not having to exist for the benefit of someone else.

Before us it was hippies and beatniks and flappers and dadaists and before them there were the coffee shop philosophers and the point is there have ALWAYS been people who want the world to see its own flaws and fix them. I know other cultures had the same sorts of groups, like the Japanese Subekan gangs (who created the original lolita fashion trend as a way to take femininity back from being sexualized) and Islamic Sufism (an Islamic sect who practice things forbidden by stricter groups, such as singing and dancing) but I'm an armchair scholar, not an expert.

When society is broken, our numbers surge.

We are surging.

Society needs us.

[borathae]

As usual I have no idea how to open a review without sounding like I belong in an asylum but anyway ... SIBI!!! IT WAS SO GOOD!! Like WTF? Is there anything you're not good at writting because that's far from your usual style!

FASDKFKASD THANK YOU!!! Gosh it makes me very happy to hear that you guys enjoy my more experimental stories as well 🥺💜 it definitely motivates me to broaden my writing horizons and venture out into more tropes as well 👀💜

I nearly had to double check on whose blog I was because that disclaimer was too serious but then I read the a/n and I was like nevermind 😂

HAHAHHAHA LISTEN I needed to get the officialities (is that a word?) out of the way first before I lost my mind BAHAHHA you never know with some weird people on this app 😂

I love the back in time story telling you used! Because that intro did caught my attention really fast (which is probably expected comming from me x))

ooh! thank you! I actually really like this type of narrative so I'm happy that you enjoyed it as well hehehe

Also it was weird reading a story where Yoongi and OC are truly toxic for each other because I'm not used to it anymore and even at the end he says he will change but they broke up before and there had to be a reason for those too ... also habits are hard to break especially the bad ones ...

this this this!! listen! it was actually so hard to write them be so toxic for each other because this is my boongie we are talking about here 😡 like I just hope that he actually meant it 😭😭

WHY? SIBI?! Why would you give me the cutest rookie police officer Kookie in a city that dark? The only thing I wanna do with hime is wrap him in the softest blankets and taking him far away from that damn place!! ... and then come back and fight Yoongi because no one scare and threaten my baby bunny on my watch 😡

ME!!! LISTEN ME!!! He was not part of plan at first but then it happened and each scene almost made me sob 😭😭 istfg if something happens to him I'm suing (myself) 😭😭

Also poor V ... getting raided just because your boss get his cold heart broken by his ex who apparently can't keep quiet when it matters ... he just wanted to break the laws in peace 😞

HAHAHAH Pookie just wanted to be a criminal in peace ✊🏻😔

The sex scene was hot though .... drunk sex as an apology is not my thing but I can't say it wasn't hot AF ...

omgmg thank you!! I'm happy to hear that despite your distaste for the kink you could enjoy it hehe 💜

As usual it's flawless! 💜💜💜 I loved reading it, you could feel the toxicity coming from Yoongi and OC and I may have or may not have wanted to slap Yoongi quite a few time ...

GOSH THANK YOU!! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!! Also needing to slap him is so valid bhahha me (but only in this story cause he is pookie otherwise)

Anyway I'm off to read so JK fluff because I need my baby to be his happy self after that read!!

VALID OMFG REAL OMFG ME!! I legit needed to write fluff with him after finishing this story bahahha

The Consequences of Fucking Up

“Your break up was messy and painful. All you want to do is to forget about him. His friends, who ever since you ended it with Yoongi see you as their bullying target, make sure that the memory of him stays fresh in your mind however, haunting you day by fucking day. While Yoongi makes it seem as if he gives no fuck about your situation. Until one night he is in front of your door. Drunk and fucking regretful.”

♥️ Requested by anonie ♥️

Pairing: Gangster!Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: Exes!AU, Messy Break-Up!AU, Crime!AU, Cop!AU, Hurt and Comfort, Angst, Smut, a lil bit of Fluff

Wordcount: 15.9k

Warnings: lowkey they're bad for each other, but also somehow so right?, OC is such a people hater, I feel like she has mental health issues which are never addressed tbfh, she is quite the pessimist, unhealthy consumption of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes & weed (listen. i hate smoking and stand by that but it sadly fits their characters), Yoongi is kinda apathetic and cold, or is he??, IS HE???, implied violence and murder, corrupt cops & lawyers, policeman!Jungkook makes an appearance and he stole my heart tbfh :(, he is so cute that i almost sobbed, drugdealer!Hoseok makes an appearance too, there is also detective!Namjoon and smuggler!Taehyung because I love this vibe :); abuse of power, fuck Yoongi just fuck he is so ngngn, slightly protective & possessive!Yoongi, intoxicated sex, desperate!Yoongi, no foreplay, but she is not uncomfortable, choking (m.receiving), rough desperate sex, position change from sex against a sofa to missionary on said sofa, a lil bit of strength kink hihi, he cums too soon, dirty talk, tears :'), he is actually so emotional during the sex, the ending is so cheesy and cute <3, Spoiler: he is willing to change!! and he is a cutie actually, jsjsjsj sorry but i love yoongi a lot :(

Disclaimer: This is purely fiction and isn't like my usual stories. It does not portray how the boys actually are and it is not how I see them. This is a work of fiction with no correlation to real life. The type of relationships depicted in this story are far from how I normally portray my relationships and I do not advertise for such relationhips or staying in such relationships. This story is supposed to be twisted and dark & so are the relationships in it, as well as the characters. You have been warned. If you decide to continue reading, then it is out of your own free will.

a/n: now that the disclaimer is out of the way i can officially bark because woof woof fuckkcc anonie thank you so much for this idea. i had the worst and best time writing this story like nfnfnf her mental state was definitely very difficult to write, but their tension just got to me. i made the ending as cute and fluffy as possible just as you wanted hihi <3 also i love villian characters who would set the whole world on fire just to prove their dedication :) i hope this is what you imagined, because i kinda made it longer and with more plot than i planned to at first sjjsjs i couldn't be stopped jsjsj ALSO this is giving me the perfect opportunity to finally write a Kook request I got years ago ohoho

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

Three months prior

“So you’re breaking up with me?” he asks, gawking at you with widened eyes. He looks more surprised than he does hurt. Probably because it hasn’t actually sunk in yet.

“I am.”

“No, you’re not.” He laughs because he never takes anything seriously.

“Yes. I am.”

“Too bad, I won’t act like it.”

“Yeah, you will.”

He laughs, “you’ve had better jokes, but I still admire the commitment.”

“You see. That’s the problem with you. Everything’s a fucking joke to you.”

He is smiling. It reaches his eyes.

“Your job, your men. Me. Everything’s a fucking joke to you. If you would have taken Sukuna’s thread seriously, Soojin would still be alive. If you didn’t fucking insult Miss Mei, you wouldn’t have lost twenty thousand in drugs and you wouldn’t have to fucking kiss asses like a beggar.”

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore.

“If you would have put any kind of effort into me, I wouldn’t be leaving now. You take everything as a joke, while in reality you are the biggest joke here.”

His smile falls. You stood up and that actually scared him. 

“Wait baby, wait. Princess, we can talk about this”, he argues, closing the distance with his arms stretched open. “I’ll fix the issue with Miss Mei, I promise.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m done talking. Soojin died because of your recklessness.” 

Yoongi touches your hands. He holds them, clutches them. You have never felt such a touch from him before. As if he actually loved you. 

“What can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it”, he offers, caressing your knuckles. 

This is what you craved for months. Affection. Attention. You were always a passing thought to him. Something to fuck and possess. Something low maintenance like all his other shit. His current touch almost makes you want to stay because for the briefest moment, your breaking heart wants to believe that he finally changed. 

But you know better. He doesn’t take you seriously and if you stay, you will one day end up like Soojin. Metaphorically or not, you will end up dead because of him. 

“There is nothing you can do. Sorry.”

You slip out of his touch.

“Baby”, Yoongi follows you with panicked eyes, trying to touch you again.

“Goodbye, Min Yoongi.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

You close the door and run, finally letting the tears escape. 

You love him.

You always have and perhaps always will. 

You don’t want to leave, but know that staying will kill you. 

One week passes. You spent it holed up in your small, shitty apartment, crying your heart out. Yoongi was the best and worst thing that ever happened to you and you miss him. You hate that you miss him. Because he was way worse than he was good. 

He was never abusive. He was a violent man to anyone but you. You, he always touched with utmost care. At you, he never screamed. But he was still not good. He was cold and apathetic at times, then terribly affectionate at others, only to become cold again. And you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You wouldn’t have left your apartment today if your fridge hadn’t been empty. It wasn’t always empty, but sadly enough, groceries don’t magically appear. Not even for an outlaw such as yourself.

The city is busy. The smell of street food, smog and body odor poisons the air. The weather is hot these days and people started sweating more. You can’t stand people. You pull the mask tighter around your nose, hoping to shield the stench this way. 

You greet the clerk when you enter the shop, lowering your mask. It smells of grocery store in here. Fresh bread, produce and clean floors. It’s a welcome change to the rancid outside.

You spent fourty minutes in the shop and pay with cash. You never pay with card because it can be traced. Someone like you can’t risk being found. 

“See you”, you say your goodbyes and leave the store. You plan on coming back in three weeks. You can’t stand being outside often.

The door just about closed behind you and then someone jumps you. Three people to be more exact. Two hold your arms while one rips the bags out of your hands. 

“Let go! Hey, you fuckers!” you fight them off instantly, surprised at how easily it is to do. Way too easy. They let go of you as quickly as they grabbed you. At first you think that nothing happened, until you notice your grocery bags in one of the guys’ hands. They stole your stuff!

“You motherfuckers! Get back here! They’re mine!” 

They run away, flipping you off over their shoulders.

You sprint after them, but before you reach them, they jump onto a tuk tuk and drive off, finally showing you their faces. Those were some of Yoongi’s underlings.

“What the fuck?” You stumble back in disbelief. “Did they fucking steal my food? What the fuck’s happening?” 

It takes you a while before you finally come to the conclusion that you have to buy everything they stole a second time. And you do. And nobody jumps you. And you go home, make yourself shitty dinner and drink a bottle of soju all by yourself. It isn’t a good night. It’s a shit night. But then. All your nights have been shit for years.

You met Yoongi four years ago. It correlates with when your shit nights began. Okay, you are being unfair. The first two years with him were paradise and your nights were wonderful. You were an aspiring lawyer, while he was in the midst of getting a promotion to superintendent.  You supported each other’s dreams, motivated each other and celebrated when your goals were achieved. Then the truth spilled out. The man you knew to love turned out to be a lie. Why you never left, you do not know. He gave you the chance to leave, but you didn’t. You made yourself low maintenance to him and your nights became shit. He pretended to be a proper policeman by day while you pretended to be a proper lawyer and at night he became what he hunted by day while you tried to hide whatever evidence about him flooded into the offices. You hated it at first, then loved it, then lost your job because of it and became dependent on him and started to hate it again. Well, at least working for him. You liked everything else. Having to work in the system and seeing how corrupt even the most eligible politicians or CEOs truly are, made you realise that perhaps stealing from them isn’t as bad as it first sounded. You liked being on the dark side of the law because the bright side was just as twisted. You just simply started to hate that it means being close to Yoongi.

It took Soojin’s death to finally make you realise that staying with him will end in your death as well. And so you finally left.

You will start a new life, make up a new identity, move to a different country and forget about him. Maybe. Who knows. You haven’t decided yet.

A letter comes five days after the grocery store incident. It is stuffed into an unsealed envelope and clearly delivered by the person who wrote it. You open it, feeling shit instantly. Whoever wrote this letter is calling you the most hurtful of names, telling you personal stuff which truly hurts. You throw it away and go back inside, opening a bottle of soju. It wasn’t Yoongi’s handwriting, but somehow you still think that it is connected to him. You try not to let it get to you, but you still end up rotting away in your bed for the rest of the week only leaving it to piss, shit and eat. 

The next week your packages are missing. You never get them back. The culprit is never found. You curse the sky, knowing that it was fruitless. Yet again, you think that it was connected to him. To Yoongi, the man you wanted to forget, but who keeps haunting you day by day.

The city at night is a dangerous place. If you don’t know where to walk, you could find yourself in a rather messy situation. Especially as a woman. You are glad that most women are clever enough to stay at home once darkness greets the streets. Most women don’t know how to defend themselves though. Properly and without the law in mind. You killed before. Once. It was self defence. Yoongi took care of the body, you never found out what happened to it. He stayed with you the night it happened, even let you cry in his arms. He was gone the next day and never spoke of it again.

You clutch the big knife tightly in your bag, scanning the streets constantly. It isn’t far anymore until you are home. Hopefully the heavy rain clouds stay dry until you get there. You aren’t in the mood to get wet. Not tonight. You would have never left if you hadn’t ran out of fucking cigarettes. The kiosk was closed, so the journey was useless. Thunder announces that the clouds aren’t your friends. Mere seconds later, it starts pouring.

“Fucking shit, I hate this city.”

Rain in this city is always dirty and never really cold. You take it as a bad sign. Rain shouldn’t be warm. Not always, not constantly. Something’s wrong with this city. Something is rotting slowly until one day it will consume everything in its wake. You hope to have left before it can wake up.

The way home is too long for the amount of dirty rain it pours. You find refuge under a shop sign. There are no rooftops or canopies in sight and the only thing close to a safe place was the stupid restaurant sign. Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in bright red letters. The place is stuffed with people and the smell of beef broth mixes with the dirty scent of rain. You grind your teeth. What a shitty situation you find yourself in. You prefer being outside though. You know that once inside, the restaurant would be hot and stink of digested booze and body odor. You take getting wet over breathing in people’s air.

Except that you don’t really stay wet for long. The distinct sound of rain hitting an umbrella meets your ears. You look up. Black. You look to the side at the person holding it. Yoongi. Your stomach twists, your heart skips a beat. He is wearing a suit tonight. Black with a black tie. His hair is slicked back. He used makeup to  conceal the scar running all the way from his forehead over his eye and down half his cheek. This is his work outfit. His police chief outfit. Yes. He is a chief these days.

Your instincts tell you to leave without saying anything, but it’s been six weeks since the breakup and you still love him. You hate that you do, but can’t stop staring at his face. He has his brows raised in a nonchalant way as he inspects the heavy rain. He doesn’t grant you eye contact, but holds the umbrella in a way which lets you know that he came out here after seeing you. His left shoulder is getting wet, while you stay dry completely.

“What are you doing here?” you hear yourself ask him.

“Work dinner. I have to pay ‘cause I’m the boss and all that shit. They’re eating like greedy pigs”, he scoffs, “fucking assholes.”

“I see.”

“You?” 

“Buying smokes.”

He finally looks at you, studying from head to toe.

“The kiosk was closed”, you answer his question about your cigarettes’ whereabouts before he can ask it.

“I thought you quit.”

“Some things happened which made me start again.”

“Mhm”, he hums and takes out a packet of cigarettes from the inside of his suit jacket. He lights himself one and puts the packet away again, leaving you to stare at the smoke he blows out through his nose.

He isn’t actually serious, is he? It is like he is mocking you. It is already bad enough that he sends his stupid goons to terrorise you, now he is mocking you as well? You hate that you still love him.

You stay like this for a while. You staring at him while he holds the umbrella for you and smokes. You don’t know why you stay. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much.

Yoongi takes a long drag of the cigarette and exhales the smoke in an almost sigh-like breath. He lifts the cigarette, holding it closer to you.

“What?” you sound disbelieved, scandalised even.

He doesn’t say anything. He just shows you the cigarette as his eyes follow the endless rain. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much. But you still take the cigarette and put your lips right where he had his’ moments before. But you still smoke it as if it was the most normal thing to do. Because it once was. You and he shared many smokes in the past. It was once the most sensual, erotic thing to do between you and him. Barely clothed, intoxicated minds and high on the other, you often shared a joint as you got each other off. Fuck, it was always so fucking orgasmic to be with him that way.

“Wanna grab a bite?” he offers, pointing at the restaurant behind him, “one more mouth to feed isn’t gonna ruin me.”

You are hungry. You haven’t had a proper meal in weeks. Instant ramen, frozen food and snacks is all your body has to run on. You have no energy to cook and with how shitty you eat, it is a vicious cycle. Shitty food gives little energy, you already have low energy. The motivation to properly cook grows lower and lower each day. You dread the day you have only enough energy left to open a package of chips and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

“I’m not hungry.”

He glances at you. He knows that you are lying. Your eyes have greyed in starvation. He almost rips the cigarette out of your fingers and smokes it angrily, huffing out the smoke. 

“I’m offering”, he hisses.

“And I’m declining. I can take care of myself”, you throw back and rip the cigarette from his grasp to smoke it angrily. 

You may be starving, but you will be damned if you make yourself dependent on him again. You left him to finally prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself. You don’t need his help. Not anymore. 

You take another deep drag, then hand the cigarette to him. He smokes it, glaring at you. You know that your stubbornness angers him.

“Tell your men to stop pestering me”, you say into the tense silence. 

He looks over his shoulder at his police team. They are too drunk and caught in conversation to pay their boss any mind.

“They’re inside”, he says.

“You know I don’t mean them. Tell your other men to stop annoying me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes. You do.” It is your turn to smoke. “It all started when they stole my groceries, but it’s been getting childish. My packages keep getting stolen, my internet cuts off, I find letters in my mail. Letters saying awful things about me. It’s getting ridiculous. Tell your men to stop terrorising me.”

“Stolen packages?” He takes the cigarette from you, brushing his fingers against yours as he does. The touch feels like the sweetest poison on your skin. “This doesn’t sound like my problem to solve. Go to the police.”

“Are you serious?” 

He inhales, exhales the smoke into your face. You should be disgusted by it, but almost huff it in like an addict. Yoongi watches your lids lower and your chest raise in a greedy breath, finding it hard not to stare at your lips as he hands you the cigarette. You smoke it. His eyes are still on your lips, glued to the shape of them as his throat runs dry.

“Very serious”, he rasps.

“You are the police”, you throw back in disbelief, exhaling the smoke into his face that way.

“Mhm yeah, I guess I am.” He takes the cigarette, smoking it with half lidded eyes. He exhales, handing you the cigarette. “When are you going to come home again?” he asks, looking back at the rain.

You almost choke on the smoke, exhaling it in a cough. Yoongi glances at you from the corner of his eyes.

“Your farce is getting ridiculous”, he says coldly.

“My farce?”

This break up wasn’t the first break up you and he went through. You left many times before, always thinking that you were finally strong enough to forget him only to come crawling back again. You don’t blame him for doubting that this time will be different, but you still can’t stop yourself from getting angry.

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“I did. Go to the police. I have nothing to do with it.”

You drop the half-finished cigarette. It dies in the puddle on the ground.

“I was smoking this”, he says dryly, “besides, don’t litter.”

“Pick it up yourself if you care so much about these dirty ass streets”, you spit and turn to leave. You take getting wet over being with him any longer.

Yoongi watches you leave, shakes his head in disbelief and bends down to pick up the cigarette. He won’t run after you because you will come crawling back eventually. You always do.

“Sir?” 

He turns his head. One of his officers. He is young and with sparkles of big dreams in his eyes. Yoongi pities him. This city is going to chew him up until there is nothing left of him. He had the same dreams once and knows what the viper nest, which is the justice system, is going to do to him. 

“What do you want?” he asks him dryly, rolling the wet cigarette between his fingers.

“Who did you talk to right now?”

“Just someone important to me.”

“Shouldn’t we escort her home? It’s raining and there could be criminals on the streets. It’s too dangerous for a woman to be alone.”

“She’ll get home safely.”

“Are you sure, Sir? I stayed sober for cases like these. I could get the car right away.”

“You’re sober?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“But it’s a work dinner. You’ve been off work for hours.”

The young officer salutes, “I know, Sir but a policeman shouldn’t slack, Sir.”

Yoongi feels deep pity for the young man. He is so motivated, so proper and full of good spirit. Waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him.

He pats him on the shoulder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon”, he says and swerves past him to get back inside. 

The young officer follows him with pride glimmering in his innocent eyes. Yes, waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him. 

Yoongi wasn’t always living two lives. He was like his young officer once. Full of dreams and motivation. He dreamed of using his powers to do good, to help those who needed it most and then he woke up. He watched politicians and men in power ruin, rape and kill the powerless without ever getting punished for it. He felt helpless. If even someone in his position can’t change the world, then who will? His criminal work was honourable once. He slipped evidence money under the table to hand out to the powerless, he let proof disappear for people doing crimes out of desperation. One time he was supposed to put a starving mother behind bars because she stole diapers for her babies. Yoongi couldn’t do it and so he disobeyed the law for these kinds of people.

But then his criminal work became less about the powerless and more about him. Making money the illegal way was easy and it is fucking addicting. Especially when he could make sure that evidence about him never reached the higher ups. Yoongi fucking loved the sudden power he possessed and he was too blinded by it to see that he became exactly what drove him to criminality in the first place.

Yoongi tells his officer to check up on your place that night. The young officer rings the doorbell like he was told to do.

You open it, swaying from intoxication as you do. The stench of digested booze wafts off you. But you somehow seem to sober up when you see the police badges on his shirt.

“You’ve got the wrong person”, you tell him, trying to morph your face into an expression of sobriety.

“Don’t worry, Miss. I came here to check on you.”

“Check on me?”

“Yes, Miss.” He salutes you. “I have orders from my captain to make sure that you arrived home safely and that you received this”, he says with an innocent smile on his lips, presenting a plastic bag to you. 

Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in red letters and inside, three big takeout containers of food are waiting to be eaten. 

Everything clicks into place. This is one of Yoongi’s employees. Another young, hopeful spirit which will be crushed in the system. You pity the young officer. You had the same innocent sparkle in your eyes once.

Hesitantly, you accept the takeout food.

“Thanks”, you mumble.

“Any time, Miss.” He studies you for a moment. “Are you…are you okay, Miss?”

You bite back tears. His empathy is going to kill him one day. But it feels so good to receive. You haven’t been asked this question in so long.

You shake your head. He straightens up in worry. 

“Should I call help for you, Miss?”

You know what he indicates.

“Thank you, no. I’m just going through some shit. Sorry, I’m being sappy tonight.”

“You don’t have to go through it alone, Miss.”

“I know. I’m just… I’m seriously alright, I won’t do anything stupid. You don’t have to worry, officer.” 

“Yes, well I still see it as my duty to stay because you seem sad to me”, he says and tries to go inside your apartment. He still has a lot to learn. You know from his eyes that he has no bad intentions and that he truly wants to help, but you know how the city will treat such deeds. One day he will try to help the wrong person and end up with attempted sexual assault charges. And it will fucking destroy him because people like him only see the good in the world and can’t imagine that others would want to hurt people.

You stop him with a guiding hand on his chest.

“That isn’t necessary, really. My packages keep getting stolen and I guess it’s been annoying me.”

He pulls out a pen paper instantly, stepping closer to you without noticing, “your packages? Have you seen anyone suspicious? How many packages have gone missing? When did it start?”

“No, I… Thank you for your concern and the food, but I will get through the night safely.”

He steps back, cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

“Forgive me, I don’t know why I did that. My captain said that you were important to him and that I should make sure that you are well, so I wanted to do a good job at it.” He bows at you deeply. “Please forgive me, Miss.” 

“He said that?” you whisper.

He nods his head, “yes, Miss.”

“Oh. Uhm. ” You clear your throat. “Thank you, I, uhm, tell him that I’m good.” 

“I will, Miss. Here, my card. You can always call me when you need something” he hesitates, “or when you just need someone to talk to.” 

“Thank you. This is so kind.”

“You are never alone, Miss.”

“Thank you”, you say, bowing at him. He is so kind. God, you want to grab him and tell him to run before it’s too late.

He bows as well, “good night, Miss.”

“Good night.”

You watch him leave. He gives you one last look out of the police car and a kind wave, then drives off. 

You close the door with a curse. This just sobered you up. The young policeman’s kindness just sobered you up. You check his name on the card he handed you. Jeon Jungkook. Why someone like him? He never should have found his way into this field of work. 

You look at the takeout food next, feeling your stomach twist. You are important to Yoongi. Holy fuck.

It’s been eight weeks since you left him. You don’t feel better. The cigarette you shared was two weeks ago and yet you still feel as if it was sticking to your lungs. Each time you breathe out, you swear you can taste him. It almost suffocates you and keeps you from relaxing. So you leave your depressing place for a walk to the kiosk. You read somewhere that walks are good for one’s mental health. You can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are loud and fucking stink.

The vendor must be fucking with you. The day is bright, but the kiosk is closed again. You bang your fist against the closed door, cursing loudly. You want your fucking smokes is that too much to ask? This city is fucking shit.

You’ll just call someone who will always help. You saved him as Jay. His real name is Hoseok. You don’t say his real name in public. He doesn’t say yours. Yoongi sometimes called him his best friend, but what is such a title out of the mouth of the most apathetic man you know? You were his girlfriend too and look at where this has gotten you, living as an outlaw in the shit and dirt of this city.

Like always, Hoseok lets the phone ring four times then he picks up.

“Flames are hot”, he says.

“And the arsonist works hard”, you answer him.

“Hyacinth, it’s good to hear your voice”, there is finally a smile in his voice now that you answered the code correctly.

“The same goes for you, Jay.”

“What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

“Nothing much. I’m out of smokes.”

“The corner in twenty?”

“Yeah.”

You and he end the call at the same time. Twenty minutes later you meet. He wears black overalls and smudged eyeliner. He says it keeps the char easier to hide. Like always, he greets you with a quick hug.

“What do you got?” you ask him.

“Whatever you want.” He opens his bag. “I’ve got cigarettes, but something stronger too”, he says, scurrying around the contents of the bag with his fingers. He always has burn marks on them, but somehow they are never dirty.

“What do fifty bucks buy?”

“For you? Two packs of cigarettes and two joints. That’s a steal.”

“Fuck dude, you’re getting expensive.”

“Yeah well, a man’s gotta eat.”

“Fine, I’ll take it.”

You and he exchange goods. He makes small talk.

“But why are you here with me? Did Suga run out of goods?”

Suga is Yoongi’s codename in public. The sound of it almost brings bile into your throat. You did such a good job in forgetting him and now the memory of him is as fresh as a new day. At least you like to pretend that you are doing a good job at forgetting him. Your heart knows better though.

“We, uhm…”

Hoseok exhales sharply, “again?”

You nod your head.

“When?”

“More than two months ago.”

“Damn, that’s long.”

“Yeah, I’m serious about it.”

He cocks his brow up.

“I am”, you insist just a little snappishly.

“Alright”, he closes his bag, “I gotta go now.”

“Already?”

He looks around nervously. Almost as if he didn’t want to be seen with you.

“Yup. Use the stuff wisely, I won’t have new stuff for a while.”

“Seriously?”

He nods his head and salutes you nonchalantly.

“See you around.”

“See…you?”

He turns his back to you and walks off quickly, soon disappearing into the busy crowd. Is this your fate? Even the people closest to you avoid you now that you aren’t Yoongi’s anymore? Were you truly only worth something as his little thing? You ball your hands into fists, bending the joints this way. You have to leave this fucking place. There is actually nothing holding you here anymore.

That night the phone terror starts. Numbers keep calling you over and over and over again. You pick up the first time, only to have to listen to the most hurtful things another human has ever said to you. The voice wasn’t Yoongi’s, but you still blame him. Now that you aren’t his thing anymore, you became free food to whoever had been waiting to make your life a living hell. You turn off your phone after an hour and go to sleep with the help of Hoseok’s joints.

The doorbell wakes you the next morning. You consider not answering because it’s probably just one of his goons wanting to terrorise you. But whoever is ringing the doorbell is stubborn, forcing you out of your bedroom. You look through the door cam first.

That young officer. He is in full uniform.

You open the door hesitantly.

“Good morning”, he greets you with a wave and a smile.

“Good morning”, you murmur. Your mouth is as dry as a fucking desert. You are also so hungry that you could throw up in his face right now.

“How are you feeling, Miss?”

“Good.”

“That’s good to hear.” He says and shows you a package which he kept hidden behind his back all this time. He smiles brightly and proudly. “Tada!”

“What’s that?”

“I caught the package thief, Miss.”

“Are you serious?” you gasp and your eyes instinctively drift to the car you have noticed parked outside your unit for days. The door is opened and someone is sitting in the backseat. He looked cuffed to the seat. You glance at the young officer and the shiteating, proud grin he is sporting. He has been watching you? Did Yoongi tell him to?

“Wait. You’re actually serious.”

“Very serious. For you, Miss”, he says and shoves the package into your face.

“Uhm, uh. Thanks”, you accept it, putting it under your arm. “Have you been watching me?”

“Did you notice the car? Sorry, I thought that I was better hidden. I’m still new to all of this. But I caught the thief, heh.” He points at himself with his thumbs. “That’s my first real arrest.”

He manages to drag an honest smile to your lips. He is kind of adorable in a way.

“That’s cool. Thank you for taking care of it. Now I’ve got nothing to worry about anymore.”

He grins and nods his head, studying your features afterwards. He opens his mouth.

“Jeon are you there? Over”, his walkie talkie interrupts whatever he wanted to ask you. He takes it off his chest harness.

“I’m here, Kim Sir. Over.”

“Come to the precinct. We need reinforcements. Over.”

“Coming right away, Sir. I caught a thief right now, Sir. Over.”

A pause where the higher officer is definitely baffled by his confession.

“Good job, Jeon. Over.”

The young officer giggles before he speaks again, doing so as seriously as possible.

“Thank you, Kim Sir. I am taking the criminal to the precinct. Over.”

“Understood. Over.”

He puts the walkie talkie back on its harness and gives you a sorry smile.

“That was my boss. My other boss, not your friend who is the boss of this boss. Anyways. I have to go now, duty calls. Are you going to be okay, Miss?”

“I am. Thank you for your kindness.”

“Anytime, Miss. Uhm, have a good day”, he says and leaves with a wave of his hand. He waves again as he drives off. You retort it, staring at his car until it disappears behind a corner. You sigh deeply. He is so nice. Why someone like him? Why does this life always find people like him?

It’s been ten weeks since you left him. You read somewhere that walks are good for your mental health. You still can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are still loud and still fucking stink. But it’s better than staying in your apartment. You’ve got new neighbours since Monday. They keep fucking like actual animals. They fucked when you left your place tonight. You were this close to kicking their door in and slaughtering them like pigs. You opted for a walk in the end.

You walk for a while then sit down by an empty bench next to the river. It is quiet. Nobody is really here. At least nobody important. A couple, how disgusting. A late night jogger, clearly a man. A homeless person, who uses another bench as their bed. You hate looking at homeless people because you feel helpless seeing them. You stopped being on the bright side of the law because of people like them. You thought that maybe if you stole from the corrupt men in power often enough, you would be able to help the ones who truly needed it. But you never managed to actually achieve anything. The homelessness in the city grows, while the pockets of the politicians become fatter and fatter in wealth. You fucking hate this city. It is rotten to the core.

“Look who we have here. If that isn’t our pretty little Hyacinth.”

You aren’t quick enough to get up to leave and then you already have two men throwing their arms over your shoulders while a third is grabbing the back of your head from behind. You try to reach for your knife but can’t. Their grip on you is too good.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

Their voices are familiar and one look at them confirms your suspicions. It’s them. The same three underlings who stole your groceries months ago.

“Leave me alone”, you tell them.

“Why should we? You are all alone. If the boss knew we’re leaving you alone, he’d grow angry.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Now, now don’t be like that. You’re just a girl and there are many dangerous men out there.”

You look to your side. One of them is licking their lips like a hungry animal.

“Yeah? And you’re being fucking inappropriate. Leave me alone”, you spit, shaking off their arms.

They let you. Just as they let you stand up and take your bag.

“Goodnight”, you tell them and leave. Quickly. You walk a good hundred feet until you finally dare to look over your shoulder only to realise in horror that they are following you. Quickly.

You can defend yourself. You know how to kill, but you also know when you are outnumbered. And three bigger men against a woman is sadly never going to end well for the woman. You hate this city and you hate this life. You know that their words were nothing but provocation. They know you aren’t with Yoongi anymore, that you aren’t under his protection anymore and that in some weird way, you sullied his honour. You also know how people who bring dishonour to the gangs of this city are punished. The men are murdered and the women, well, they are murdered too but not before being sullied themselves. You hate this city and you hate this life. This life which is going to fucking end for you soon.

You dare to look over your shoulder one more time. They are so close that you can see the hunger in their eyes. No. Nononononono. It can’t end like this. You were supposed to leave this city, start a new life, forget about Yoongi. You are not going to die here in this dirty, shitty park far away from your dream.

Thump.

You bounce back from the impact, letting out a blood curling scream. It was instinct. Just as it is instinct of the person you ran into to grasp you by your arms and pull you closer again.

“Let me go! Help! Help me!”

“Quiet”, the person hisses and shakes you. This voice sounded different. Familiar in an almost intimate way.

You dare to shift your eyes to them.

Yoongi.

“I, I, I”, you stutter, feeling delirious in both fear and shock. You grab his shirt, twisting it to get closer to him. The act is intimate and out-of-place but you are too frightened to think clearly. 

Yoongi brushes over the state of your glassy eyes to look over your shoulder. There are three men suddenly scurrying away, using the darkness to hide. He managed to get their faces.

He looks back at you. Your eyes meet. A little bit of clarity returns to you. What are you doing? Your fingers soften around his shirt. 

“I don’t…”

“Come on, we’re going home”, he say sternly and puts an arm around your waist, dragging you with him like this.

You follow him all the way to his car. You even let him sit you down on the passenger seat and you even stay seated when he rounds the car to get to the driver side. You think that you are in shock because you don’t protest when he starts the car, nor when he drives off. You simply stare outside with your knees turned to him because your body acts against your consciousness. The city passes you by in flashes of neon colours. His car smells like his cologne and leather. He has no music playing. 

Yoongi glances at your face. You have your head against the window, squeezing your hands between your thighs. The neon lights illuminate your features each time he passes by another light source. He can see that you are trying not to shake.

He takes a deep breath, shifting his eyes to the road. He has to grip the steering wheel, otherwise his hands would shake in anger.

“Should we get dinner?”

His voice rips you from whatever trance you were in. You sit up straight, looking at him. He is gripping the steering wheel to the point his knuckles pale. His long hair is hanging into his face tonight. A turquoise varsity jacket adorns him. His scar wasn’t hidden behind concealer. He wasn’t working his day job today. What was he doing at the park? Why was he there?

“Take me home”, you order him.

“I am.”

“No. Home. Not your place.”

“My place is your home”, he gets out through gritted teeth.

“No, it isn’t. Not anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Did you see what they were doing to me?”

“No.”

You are lost for words for a moment. The tears come afterwards.

“Stop the car.”

Yoongi looks at you because your voice was shaking. He holds his breath at the sight of your tears.

“What?” he makes sure.

“Stop. The. Car. Now.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

You pull the knife out on him. He swerves to the side on instinct, fixing the mistake so vigorously, you and he shake in the small space. You don’t let it affect you, holding the knife against his skin.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he hisses.

“Stop the fucking car or I’ll kill us both”, you spit, holding the knife against his throat.

“Fuck”, he growls and hits the steering wheel. The car rolls to a stop.

“Get out”, you threaten.

“I am. Fuck.”

He follows your orders because you have his life at blade’s end. He still slams the door closed. You leave the car instantly.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You could have killed us both” he tries to scold you, but you silence him.

“I’m talking now”, you roar.

Yoongi closes his mouth because he has never heard you like this before.

“You are such an asshole! Each day I regret the moment I met you! You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

Yoongi gulps. 

“I had a life before you. I had dreams and ambitions and, and goals and…a chance. I could have had a good life. I was supposed to use my degree to help people but you ruined everything for me.”

He rounds the car in big steps, coming so close to you that you smell his breath. It smells like chewing gum. 

“You could have achieved something? What exactly did you achieve as a lawyer? Mhm, what did you achieve? This city is fucked.”

“Yes, because you fucked it!” you hit his chest. He doesn’t budge, but also doesn’t stop you. “You fucked it and you fucked me and I hate you for it!”

“Don’t blame me for your decisions. I gave you a chance to leave me back then. You were the one who stayed.”

You inch closer until your lips are almost touching. Yoongi exhales shakily, placing his hand on your hip. 

“And I will regret this decision till the day I die”, you whisper, breaking the closeness.

You slip out of his hold. He follows you in a small stumble and a trembling gasp. 

“I never want to see you again. Are we clear?” you hiss at him.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, you don’t want this”, he hisses back at you.

“You’re wrong, I don’t want you. I thought I still did, but I don’t. You don’t care about me, it’s finally so fucking obvious to me. You don’t fucking care.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“They are terrorising me, Yoongi!” You finally scream. “I wake up to people ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night, I have to keep my phone turned off because the phone calls don’t stop. I keep getting my stuff stolen and, and I thought I was going to be raped tonight! They are terrorising me and you called it not your problem!”

“No, you-”

“I’ve been living in constant fear, our friends don’t even look at me anymore, I haven’t eaten in days and I can’t-”, you stop yourself. He doesn’t even deserve your anger anymore. “-you know what? Fuck this and fuck you. I’m leaving.”

You turn your back to him and leave. 

He says your name and takes your hand. He pulls, tries to turn you to him. But you rip yourself free again.

“Don’t go”, he says.

You don’t listen.

“I’m ordering you to stay”, he sounds desperate, yelling your name, “I am ordering you!” 

He can yell as much as he wants to. You don’t listen to him anymore. The subway station isn’t far. You will make an exception and take it tonight. Even if you hate it. It stinks. Just like the rest of this shitty city.

You are going to leave. Once you are home, you are going to start packing and then you are going to leave. You will call V. You don’t know his real name, but he can change your identity as quickly as others change their socks. You will call V and tell him to have your passport ready the day after tomorrow. You will pay him with the money you have under your pillow and then leave for somewhere clean. Maybe somewhere with lots of mountains. You always heard that the air at these places is breathable.

You call V the same night. He tells you that two days is too short and to wait another week. So you wait. Your bags have been packed. You live out of them in your own place. You don’t leave it. You are scared. With how little Yoongi cared about your situation, you doubt that he told his men to stop. You are scared that if you left again, they would finally go through with what they couldn’t finish back then.

The doorbell rings during a rainy, dark night. You flinch awake to the point where you feel sick to the stomach. The lights are turned on instantly eventhough you know not to do that in such a situation. You can’t think clearly. You just want this to be over. All of it.

You run to the front door because you suddenly feared that it was unlocked. It isn’t, but you can watch someone push an envelope under your door. The shadow blocking the light outside leaves the moment the letter is inside your apartment.

You don’t want to open it at first, staring at it as if someone had planted a bomb in your apartment. Fuck it, if that is how you die then so be it, you think in the end and bend down to pick it up. It feels different in your fingers. Sophisticated. Intimate. The envelope is glued closed as if someone licked the glue stripe and the faint smell of well-known cologne lingers on the paper. You open it with shaky fingers.

A letter. It is heavy and folded once. You open it, gasping when three photographs fall out of it and onto the ground. You don’t know what is on them because they landed on their face side. So you read the letter first.

“It has always been mine as well.”

Written in black ink and a familiar handwriting. This is Yoongi’s writing.

With even shakier hands, you pick up the pictures. You feel sick for a moment, gawking at the cruel pictures with your hand thrown over your mouth. The three men who terrorised you. Their mutilated corpses look back at you. He tortured them to death.

You rip the door open, stumbling onto the balcony. You look down at what tripped you. Two bags of your favourite takeout food and a six pack of water. Both clearly fresh. So it was him. Yoongi must be here somewhere. You look into the distance. The night is loud and blurry in a thunderstorm. The streets are empty. The ghost of your past is gone again. You squint your eyes. A person.

“Yoongi!” you call out, unable to realise that you are smiling and waving your hand.

The person moves. Oh. It was just the shadow of a tree. For just a moment you had hoped that the dark shape was him waiting for you. It was just a tree…and you were happy that if could have been Yoongi. The realisation hurts.

“Fuck”, you press out, going back inside. The lump in your throat makes it hard to breathe. You stumble back to bed, halting for a moment when you pass your suitcases.

It has always been mine as well. His words repeat themselves in your head. All this time, you thought that he didn’t care. All this time, you thought that your terror left him cold. Your eyes drift over the empty takeout boxes from the noodle place. You still haven’t cleaned them up. He made sure that you were properly fed for days back then. A glance at the new stuff he got tonight. He is still making sure that you are. Your eyes drift over the package next. He made sure that they stopped getting stolen. You look at the pictures in your hands. He made sure that they would never hurt you again. All this time, you were so blinded by your own anger that you missed how he had always looked out for you. You missed his way of showing you that you were important to him.

It has always been his problem as well.

Something inside you breaks and you scream. You don’t know what you scream for, but you scream. It hurts so much. It hurts so much because you will still leave. He will hurt you again if you stay. All his efforts healed your heart and it hurts so much because you will still leave. You were meant to stay broken hearted. Leaving would have been so easy this way. Now it hurts like a bitch. But you can’t sway. You have to leave this place. It will chew up what little is left of you until you truly cease to exist.

V comes to your place the next day. He rings your doorbell. It wakes you from the uncomfortable sofa you fell asleep on last night. You groan as you sit up and you barely want to open your eyes as you stumble to the door.

You open it without checking the camera first.

“Took you long en- you?”

Jungkook, the young officer, greets you with a smile.

“I swear I’m not stalking you.”

You have a headache today, so it is difficult not to snap at him. He is also not the person you wanted in front of your door today.

“I’m starting to doubt that.”

He laughs, “it’s not that. I talked to my boss. Your friend, the boss of the other boss. Sorry, anyways. I need you to come to the precinct with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Okay so, this is actually so cool and I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but you’re my boss’ friend so I guess it’s okay”, he begins with sparkling eyes, “turns out that the package thief is actually a serial thief and you aren’t the first one he stole from. Isn’t that cool? It’s like in those movies. Those cool cop movies.”

“Really? He stole from more people?” You highly doubt that.

“Yeah”, he laughs as he answers you, nodding his head excitedly, “now we’re calling in everyone who he stole from so we can take their statements. My boss says that we can’t keep the thief locked up for long otherwise.”

You know that this wasn’t really how the law works. After all, you were once a lawyer who was fucking good at her job. Is Yoongi trying to drag you back to him? First he tries to change your mind by killing your bullies and now he is trying to do the final blow by abusing his power as police chief? You check the time. Couldn’t the young officer have come later? You could have had your passport already and be far, far away from this place.

“Can I just give it to you here?” you ask him.

“Mhm”, he tilts his head to the side, “no, I don’t think that it works like this. I’m sorry, Miss. The captain said that it’s important that all the victims come into the precinct.”

You have to give Yoongi that. He is real clever about it. That means however that you can’t escape this situation. Any more resistance from you would make you suspicious.

You give up with a sigh. “Can I just change into something different?”

“Of course, Miss.”

The young officer lets you sit in the passenger seat. He is so new at all of this. With such naivety he tells you his entire life story. That he was from the countryside and that his dream has always been to be a policeman in the city. That he studied hard for years and that he completed his enlistment with honour just so he could be a proper officer. He sounds so proud of himself that each second with him makes you hate his presence more and more. He is so fucking stupid and it angers you. Why would he throw away his life like that? Why someone like him?

You are led to one of the precinct’s interrogation rooms and are told to wait there. The table is decked with different foods.

“What’s all that?” you ask Jungkook.

“Breakfast, Miss.”

“Did your captain tell you to do that?”

“He said that wanted to make sure you get your breakfast because we called you in so early. The captain really cares for the citizens.”

You stifle a scoff. Sure he does.

“Mhm, I see.”

“Either way, it won’t take long”, the young officer bids his goodbyes and leaves you in the interrogation room.

His words were a lie. You wait and wait and wait, but nothing happens. There are no clocks in this godforsaken room, but you still know that it has to be hours. You didn’t want to eat the breakfast at first, glaring at the two-way mirror because in your mind, Yoongi was behind it, watching you and making sure that you ate. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction at first, but had to in the end. The body begins working against one’s will when it is starving and the breakfast looked way too good. You eat all of it, then glare at the mirror again. You are still left alone and more time passes. It is as if they are trying to wear you down, as if you were the criminal in this situation. Granted, you are a criminal, but only Yoongi knows that and right now you are a poor civilian having done nothing wrong. You know that it’s Yoongi’s doing. That he somehow wants to terrorise you.

So when the door finally opens and he walks into the room, you almost throw the empty bowl at his head.

“Forgive the wait, Miss but something came up”, he says nonchalantly, flicking through some papers.

His second in command Kim Namjoon and the young officer Jeon Jungkook are behind him, which is why he is putting up this act. You grind your teeth.

“I already started to wonder if I’m in danger here”, you say way too sweetly.

“That depends on how you are going to answer our questions”, he says and sits down on the chair in front of you.

Jungkook stays by the door while Kim Namjoon stands a little to your side.

You look around yourself. He is trying to intimidate you.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I thought that I’m here to give my statement because of my stolen packages.”

Yoongi glances up from the papers. This is the first time your eyes meet after your fight and he killed your bullies. If only the others in this room would know how much blood he has on his hands and to which length he is willing to go to protect you. There were times where you would have dragged him over the table and kissed him senseless, but not anymore. You are stronger than your urges, even if it hurts your heart. You can’t give in again. If you do, he will take you for granted again. You won’t be happy with him. You finally have to fucking understand that.

“You’re right. You are here because of that”, he says dryly.

“Good. It started on May sixteen. I came home at around seven ten and noticed that my packages were missing. Two were stolen back then, but in total he stole eight packages”, you say and proceed to tell him the exact dates with the time as well as what was stolen.  

“You seem to know how such hearings work”, he says after he wrote down what you said.

“I had a few hours to practice what I was going to say”, you say with a poisonous smile.

One Yoongi retorts with just as much poison and a deep hum.

“Apologies again.”

“Don’t worry, I know how hard the police works at keeping this honourable city safe.”

He tongues his cheek. You give him a victorious smirk. This cut. Good. He takes a deep breath and releases it through his nose, reaching into his suit pocket to pull out a cigarette. He gets as far as to put it to his lips and then Kim Namjoon already speaks up.

“Captain. Smoking is prohibited in this building.”

“Fuck”, Yoongi presses out and takes the cigarette between two fingers to tap it against the table instead.

“Smoking is bad for you either way”, you say.

He tongues his cheek again. You know that he wants to curse at you right now, but can’t. He has to put up a friendly act.

“I know, can’t shake the habit”, he says and studies your face, “so what now?”

“Sir?” Kim Namjoon is rightfully confused. Yoongi slipped up.

“I don’t know, I was never in such a place before. Do you still need to take my information?” you act oblivious.

“We already have everything.”

“Great. Then I can go?” you ask, fluttering your lashes innocently.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Sir?” “What? Why?”

Yoongi shifts in his chair until he manspreads like an idiot. He crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“What are you going to do now?” he asks you.

“Uhm…is this still part of my hearing?” you ask, glancing at Kim Namjoon.

“No of course not, Miss. Please, follow me.”

“Sit. Down.”

The room is silent for a moment. You glare at Yoongi while Namjoon and Jungkook gawk in complete confusion. Their captain acts out of character. There is no reason to keep the innocent lady here any longer. This isn’t like him at all. He has been fidgeting all day, barely drank his coffee, went for far too many smoke breaks and now this. The officers have no explanation for their captain’s sudden behaviour.

“What is the reason for this?” you ask him.

“Just safety precautions. We wouldn’t want our honest citizen to get into danger”, he says coldly, “now answer my question. What are your plans now, Miss?”

“I will go home.”

“Where is that home?”

“Sir, I don’t know if that is necessary.”

“Shut up, Kim.”

Namjoon gulps, exchanging a confused look with Jeon Jungkook. This is really not like their captain.

Yoongi straightens up and leans forward so he is closer to you.

“Where is that home, Miss?”

You lower your eyes in anger.

“I don’t know yet, I’m planning to leave this city.”

“What?” his voice shook as he spoke. His fingers close and break the cigarette that way. His eyes almost bore holes into yours from how deeply he stares into them.

“This city’s become too depressing for me. I plan on leaving it for good.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. There is nothing holding me here anymore.”

“Yes, there is.”

“No, there really isn’t. I will leave.”

Bang!

You flinched back. Namjoon and Jungkook tense up as well.

Yoongi slammed his hand on the table, jumping to his feet.

“No the fuck you won’t!” he yells.

“Sir? What are you doing?!”

“Excuse me? It’s my right as an honest citizen to move”, you act oblivious as well.

“Keep her here”, he talks to Jungkook, pointing at him, “lock her up and keep her here.”

“Under what pretence, Sir?” the young officer asks with widened eyes.

“I, I, I don’t know. Refusal to, to, to cooperate or some shit like that”, Yoongi never stutters and he never paces, but he is currently doing both of those things.

“Sir…is…this legal?” Jungkook asks shyly.

Yoongi is by Jungkook’s side within a few steps, grabbing him by the collar.

“Do as you are told, Jeon! Unless you want to lose this job!” Yoongi growls, making Jungkook whimper with fear.

“Captain Min, you are stepping out of place”, Kim Namjoon speaks up, dragging him away from Jungkook, “and get off this poor officer’s neck. He is just doing his job.”

Yoongi whips around, now targeting his anger at Namjoon.

“If he was doing his fucking job, he would lock her up”, he hisses, pointing at you.

“I need you to step out for a moment, Captain”, Namjoon says and gestures Jungkook to open the door. The young officer obeys, holding it open as Namjoon shoves a protesting Yoongi out of the room. He closes the door again, muting the vivid fighting Yoongi was doing with Namjoon outside.

He meets your eyes, smiling awkwardly.

“Please forgive the Captain, Miss. He is very concerned about his citizens’ safety.” He is a terrible liar, but you don’t blame him. If you were in his situation, you would have no idea how to explain such a situation to a supposed innocent citizen either.

“Don’t worry. I, I’m just wondering if maybe I can finally leave? I’m sorry, this just really scared me and I just want to lie down at home now”, you act shaken up, looking at the young officer with pleading eyes. 

“Of course, Miss. Our honest apologies again, Miss. Please follow me”, he says and leads you out of the room.

Yoongi and Namjoon are still arguing, but stop when they see you come out. You lock eyes with Yoongi for the briefest of moments. 

He closes the distance and grabs your wrist, dragging you with him with such vigour that nobody truly gets time to act. Not even you know what was happening to you until you find yourself in his office with the door slammed shut. 

“What are you doing?” you gasp.

“Shut the fuck up, you’re not the one asking this question right now!”

“Yoongi, lower your voice. This isn’t the place for screams.”

He steps closer to you, pointing at your face in warning.

“I have every fucking right to scream right now and you know that”, he presses out through gritted teeth.

“Why? Because I finally don’t need you anymore?”

“You can’t move. What the fuck are you thinking?”

“I’m-”

‘I'm not done”, he interrupts you, “I killed them for you. I did it. Just for you. Because your safety matters to me. I care.” He hits his own chest. “I showed you that I care and you’re gonna leave?”

You hate that you love him, but not for the usual reasons. You hate it because it hurts. You are going to leave despite not wanting to. You love him, perhaps you always will but you are also going to leave. 

You nod your head.

Yoongi exhales shakily, taking a stumbling step back. He stares at you as if you were the ghost whose haunting hurts him the most. He huffs out air, rubs his hand over his mouth, then runs it through his hair and down the side of his neck.

“I’ll kill the thief”, he says in the end.

“What?” 

“I'll make it seem like suicide. He’ll look like a pisser who couldn’t take prison and killed himself.”

“Are you out of your mind? He’s just a thief.”

“Well, what more do you need?!” he screams

“Nothing! I don’t need anything from you!”

“Why not? I can give you whatever you want!”

“Look at you. Now that you finally realised, I’m actually serious about the breakup, you wanna act like you care.”

“I care”, his voice broke, but you are both too angry to acknowledge it, “i-i-if I knew that you- I just-” He breathes in, breathes out, rubs his mouth, then his neck. “It can’t end like this. It can’t.”

“It can. I’m done begging you for everything.”

Yoongi steps closer.

“I can-”

“Sir? What is the meaning of this?” 

Kim Namjoon and Jeon Jungkook are in the office. The rest of the precinct gawks at you and Yoongi through the doorway. The latter lifts his hands and steps back. His fingers are shaking. 

“The captain just voiced his worries for my move. Don’t worry about it, Kim Sir”, you lie and turn to leave, “may I finally leave?”

Namjoon tells Jungkook to handle it with a nod of his head. The young officer points at the open door.

“Please after you, Miss.”

Yoongi says your name. 

You look at him over your shoulder, despite knowing you shouldn’t. He takes a step closer, lifting his brows in pleading. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. You ball your hands to fists and turn your back to him.

Yoongi tries your name again, hoping for another look. One which doesn’t come. 

“Come back”, he tries, but gets stopped by Namjoon.

You can hear them talk as you leave.

“What the fuck’s your issue, man? You’ve been weird all day and now you’re screaming at citizens?”

“Watch your tone.”

“Hyung, I’m not here as your colleague right now. I’m here as your friend.”

“She’s gonna leave, she can’t…”

Jungkook leads you away from the office before you can hear Yoongi’s full answer. 

“Are you crying, Miss??”

“Hm? Oh that, don’t mind them. It’s just…” Your heart is broken and you want to run back to Yoongi. “...forgive me, I’m just a little shaken from everything.”

“I’m sorry, Miss. The captain isn’t normally like this.”

“It’s alright. I know how Yoongi can be sometimes.”

“Yoongi?” Jungkook asks, glancing at the captain’s office. He wonders what kind of friends you and he are. Maybe Those kind of friends? Is that why you are important to the captain? 

“I mean…sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I just wish to go home now.”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Oh god, I don’t even have money for a bus ticket with me”, you murmur to yourself, looking for your wallet. This is all a scheme to get Jungkook to drive you home again. You are worried that if he didn’t, Yoongi would somehow get to you before you could reach the station.

“Don’t worry about it, Miss. As a policeman, it is my duty to make sure that you get home safely.”

“Really? I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

“Of course, Miss.”

And so he takes you home and you hate yourself because of it. So it began. You were the first person who used his kindness to her advantage. You were the drop beginning the inevitable filling of the tank until one day it will swap over. And once that happens, it is almost impossible to stop the leak. Fuck, you are just as terrible as everyone else in this city.

But the young officer is oblivious to what you just did, driving you home with a kind smile on his face. He even walks you to your door and stays as you unlock it. Your neighbours are fucking again. He glances at their door, then awkwardly at you.

“Yeah, I’ve got new neighbours. You can’t go over there and flash your badge and tell them to shut up, can you?”

“Of course I can, Miss. Just one mom-”

“No stop, I was joking”, you stop him, studying him with exhausted eyes. You are so sorry. You are so fucking sorry.

“Ah, okay. Please forgive me, I always take everything way too seriously”, he says, scratching his own neck shyly. He furrows his brows. “What’s the matter, Miss?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Run.”

“What?”

“Run back to your hometown. Run and never look back.”

“Excuse me?” he laughs in confusion, furrowing his brows harder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon Jungkook. This city will fucking ruin you.”

“I…uh…” He laughs nervously. “I don’t seem to follow, Miss. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to get it, just listen to me. Please.”

“O…kay? I uhm…”

“Thank you for driving me home. I’ll think of you sometimes in my new home.”

“Miss, are you okay?”

“I am. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. Just promise me to run.”

“I promise?”

“Good. Be happy, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Miss, I-”

You close the door on him and lock it. You don’t expect him to knock or ring the bell. He is too proper to annoy you this way. You check the camera. He stares at the closed door for a few moments longer, looking confused. He lifts his hand to knock, hesitates and turns his back to the door instead, leaving down the steps to drive off. You know that you confused him, but you had to. Please let it be enough to save him.

V arrives later that day. He is stressed and clearly in a hurry.

“What’s wrong? You look like you need to be somewhere or like you need to shit. Do you need to shit?”

“What? No”, he sounds out of breath as well as annoyed, “I’m risking my ass being here. I’ve got your stuff. It’s the only thing except mine that I managed to save. Give me the money, quick.”

“Save?” you probe, giving him the money.

He stuffs it into his boxers hastily, looking over his shoulder again.

“My place got raided by cops. I was at the market getting food, then came back to five cop cars in front of my place. I barely escaped. If I didn’t always carry my stuff with me, I’d have been fucked.”

“What?!”

“Sorry, Hyacinth. Gotta leave the city for a while. I wish you all the best.”

“V, what the fuck?”

“Here’s to never seeing each other again, aye?” he jokes, laughing nervously. It’s a good thing he said. Never seeing each other again meant that you and he managed to escape safely.

“Wait. Where will you go?”

“I can’t tell you. You know I can’t.”

“Yeah, just…be careful.”

“You too.”

He leaves and you know that he will be successful. If there is one person who won’t ever be found it is V. 

You are in a trance for the rest of the day. Yoongi raided V’s place. He went as far as to betray his own people just to make sure that you wouldn’t leave. Carrying your new passport feels like a trophy, as much as it feels like a curse. Leaving this city won’t be as easy anymore now that he knows. You are so fucking stupid for telling him, but you didn’t want to miss out on his reaction when he found out. The small moment of satisfaction seems skippable now that you know how far he is willing to go to keep you close. And because V came as late as he did, your means of escape don’t drive anymore either. You have to wait for the earliest bus if you wanted to or not. Fuck, you did this to yourself. You stupid fucking woman. Look at you. You have this big, honourable degree and still manage to get yourself into shitty situations over and over again.

You go to sleep with a gun under your pillow. You won’t risk anything.

You don’t get a lot of sleep and then a noise wakes you. You heard it as clear as day. Someone unlocked your front door. He sent men to get you. Now he’s gone too far. You jump out of bed and grab your loaded gun, tiptoeing to a spot from where you could observe the apartment. You have to be strategic about it. First count the men, then calculate the fastest way to shoot them, then act. The door closes and locks again. Clever bastards, they want to make sure that you don’t flee. Oh, you are going to have a blast killing them. One last little thing to leave Yoongi before you abandon him.

The automatic lights turn on. Got you, assholes.

The first enters your vision.

“Hm?”

Yoongi. Clearly drunk, he is dragging his feet over the floor, using the wall as support. No one else follows him. So he came here alone. 

Overtaken by anger, you jump out of hiding and at him.

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

“I can’t believe you’re still hiding your keys under the flower pot. Don’t make me so worried, anyone could enter.”

“I’m gonna count to three and if you haven’t disappeared by then, I’ll shoot.”

“Can we talk?”

“One.”

“I know I fucked up. I can’t stop thinking about you. Please, can we try again?”

“Two.”

“I promise I changed. You were right, I was a joke. But I wanna do better now.”

“Three.” “I’m sorry!”

Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut. His death never comes. He peels his eyes open again.

You are staring, panting heavily. Tears are in your eyes.

“I’m sorry”, he whispers.

This is the first time he is the one to say these words first. It feels so good, but you can’t give in again. You made up your mind to leave…didn’t you? You study the state of him. He is heavily intoxicated. He looks the way and reeks of it.

“You’re drunk.” 

He nods his head, furrowing his brows. He touches your elbows, caressing them softly. Such touch you only get when he is drunk.

“I drank because of you. What you said today. I just…don’t move away, please”, he begs, eyes filling with tears.

“So now you care? I wasn’t important to you when I was with you and now that I’m leaving, I’m suddenly important?”

“You’ve always been important.”

“No, I haven’t. You took me for granted.”

“I did and I’m sorry. I never should have taken you for granted. I’ll do better now, please just give me a chance to prove it to you.”

“If I give you a chance again, you’ll just abuse it and hurt me.”

“No, I won’t. Please, I just.” He cups your face, running his thumbs under your eyes as gently as possible. “We were right once. We were so good together. We were a team and, and we had dreams and we made each other happy. I want this back, I wanna try to get this back again please.”

“I just want to be happy, Yoongi”, you press out.

“I’ll make you happy, baby. Please, I-I’ll make you happy again.”

“No, you’re drunk and talking fucking shit.”

“I’ll leave this city if you want me to.”

You falter. He would give up what he built just for you?

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“I would. For you I would. I’d set this whole city on fire and leave with you as it burns to fucking ashes behind us, please.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Please”, he whispers and drops his forehead against yours, “please, I want to make you happy again.”

You hate that you love him. You hate that he made you addicted to him. This is so awfully him. He gives you enough affection that you get addicted to it then takes it away again. And once he feeds it to you again, you drink it up like an alcoholic. It is always the same. 

“No, you won’t. You’re drunk.”

“Please.”

“Leave my place.”

He presses himself off the wall and grabs the nuzzle of the gun, guiding it right between his brows.

“You have to kill me if you want me gone.”

You gulp. He forces your finger to the trigger. Your airways close up.

“Kill me. Fucking kill me. I can’t live without you anyways.”

You could end it. You’ve got everything. Your suitcases, your papers, the keys of his car he drunkenly drove like an asshole. You’ve got everything you need to escape this place. You could end it, finally make sure that you have no temptation to return. You could end him and your addiction with it. He’s got your finger on the trigger, it needs just one flex and it would be over. But you never wanted him dead. No matter how much you wished for him to be gone, you never wanted him dead. Because in some fucked up way, all you really wanted was for him to put more effort into you.

“No”, you whimper, shaking your head. 

He rips the gun from your fingers and drops it on your dresser. 

“I don’t want to kill you”, you press out, sobbing softly. 

He cradles your face, wiping your tears. 

“I know”, he gets out, nodding his head, “I know you don’t, princess. I know.”

“Yoongi”, you squeak out, twisting his shirt. 

“I’m here, princess. I’m here.”

He pulls you closer until his kiss is just one breath away, feeding on the shaky breath you let ghost against his lips. His drunken eyes gaze at your mouth, his heart is racing in his chest.

“Push me away”, he tells you.

“I hate you.”

“And I love you.”

“Yoongi”, you whimper, finally touching his chest instead of his shirt. 

He moans and pulls you into a kiss. A deep, hungry kiss. 

You pull at his hair to get him off of you as much as you pull him closer, fighting for air. You hate that you love…do you really? Do you really fucking hate it? Do you really hate it when his kiss makes you feel alive again? You spent months feeling out of breath and now it’s gone. You can breathe again. At least metaphorically, physically he’s got you very close to passing out. You push at him to get distance. Air. He lets you breathe, but not escape. He pushes you to your sofa until your legs collide with the back of it. Your shaky breaths intermingle, your shared moans follow. His right hand slides to your ass, his knee lifts to your middle. 

You gasp, grinding down on him. You can’t protest because he kisses you so deeply it feels as if he wanted to consume your soul. He kisses and gropes, kisses and gropes until air is sparse. He gasps.

“Fuck. Fuck, I’m fucked”, he gets out and pulls your head back so he could drag his tongue up your throat. 

It should disgust you, but it doesn’t. You moan, running your nails down his chest and arching your back. He lifts his head, looking at you with drunken, crazed obsession. His fingers just can’t stay still on your body. It is as if he wanted to touch everywhere at all times. The attention makes you short of breath.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

You touch his cheek. He leans into your palm, closing his eyes when you trace his scar. You were with him when he got it. It was during a fight. He fought with his fists, his opponent chose the cowardly way and pulled a knife on him. He was lucky that he didn’t lose his eyesight. He hated it at first, but you made him feel handsome. You always looked out for him that way.

“Do you…do you think I’m handsome?” he asks. Such questions you only get when he’s drunk. 

“I do.”

His breath trembles as it leaves him. He drops his hand from your hips to take out his cock. He touches himself, gazing at you as if he needed the view of you to stay hard. And he does. He needs you. You are the only person who can turn him on.

You look at what his hand is doing, gulping heavily. He sighs, gazing at your face. You are as mesmerised by him as you were when everything was still good between you and him. His cock still has the same effect on you.

“Princess?” he tilts your head back up to meet your eyes, using only two fingers under your chin for it. 

You meet his eyes, heart racing unbearably.

“Yes?” One little lift of his brows and you give him the answer he craved. 

You part your legs, tilting your hips closer to him. You nod your head vigorously, gazing at his cock again.

He doesn’t bother to pull his pants down all the way, neither does he care about taking off your panties. He pushes them to the side and stuffs you full of him, gripping the edge of the couch and your right thigh as deep moans leave him. Your right leg is lifted like this, supported by him.

You gasp, tensing up. Your toes curl instantly, your fingers clutch his lower arms. His cock stretches you out and stuffs your walls. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is definitely intense. You gasp again, looking at him with widened eyes.

“I know baby, I know”, he breathes and bottoms out. “It’s been too long. Fuck.” 

He moves, chasing your warmth in drunk, sloppy thrusts. You writhe and gasp repeatedly, scratching the back of his neck. You want to hate that you love him. He should feel like an intruder. You should want to kick and scream for help. But you don’t want to. You feel whole again. No preparation, but he doesn’t hurt. His kiss and touch was enough. Your addiction to him runs so deep that his cock is pure heroin to you.

“Yoongi”, you get out, grabbing his throat. Your thumbs are on his Adam’s apple, threatening to press down.

He smiles, “I love you”, he gasps out and drops his head against yours. His long hair tickles your face, his drunken breath swirls over your skin. He gulps and moans under your fingers, pumping into you with no signs of slowing down. You start losing strength in your calf, standing like this is exhausting, but if you were being honest, you don’t want it to stop. 

“I hate you.”

“Fucking kill me then”, he rasps.

You close your fingers slightly.

“Harder. This isn’t gonna do it.”

“You first.”

“Fuck, baby”, he gets out and lifts you so he could round the sofa with you. He pins you down into the pillows, ripping the panties off of you and kicking his pants off. He pushes into you before you can truly realise what was happening, feeding you all of him until he can’t give any more. He twists the pillow next to your head as he takes on a punishing rhythm. His dark hair hangs into his face, his teeth are bared as he huffs like an angry animal.

“Yoon-”

“I know, baby I know. You already told me, baby. I know”, he whispers, wiping your cheek, “take me, I know you can. You’re my baby, you’re made for me.”

His praise is like medicine to you. This is all you needed. To know that he is still obsessed with you and that you still affect him. 

You close your legs around his hips, keeping him with you this way. You need him to always stay like this. He moans your name, slipping his fingers from your cheek to hold the pillow instead. You told him that you hated him, but your body betrays you. Your eyes betray you. You keep him close, gaze at him as if he was your everything. Yoongi’s head is turning. Not only from the alcohol, but also from being with you again. And from knowing that you still loved him.

Because he loves you so much. He hates himself for taking you for granted. He never should have. You are his everything. The fucking reason why he does all of this. The last three months were torture for him. He started smoking again, drank too much, slept too little, worked too many hours. And if he didn't distract himself with work, he tried thinking up ways of showing you that he was still there for you. He ordered his officers to look out for you, sent food deliveries to your place, parked in front of your place somewhere hidden to watch you smoke on the staircase. He also followed you sometimes after you confessed to him that some of his goons were terrorising you. And each time he followed you, he wished for you to notice him just so he could get a chance at talking to you again. But you never did and Yoongi thought that you will come back again soon. Then you told him that you would move and Yoongi finally broke. He was truly losing you. Three months of hell, of lonely nights and heartbreak and he was truly losing you. 

“I missed you”, he gets out, painting his name against your favourite spots. The eagerness with which you clasp him results in your hips to lift off the pillow, allowing your clit to grind against him each time he bottoms out. The necklaces he is wearing are tangling over your face. They were too long once, but Yoongi cut them to the perfect length so they wouldn't hit your face when you are underneath him. That was six months ago. During a time you thought he didn’t care anymore. You feel so stupid now. His way of showing you that he cared was always there. He was always looking out for you. You were just too blind to see. 

You gasp and whimper, mewl and keen, looking up at him with teary eyes and your fingers closing around nothing. You can’t tell him that you missed him too because you are too overwhelmed. 

“Did you miss me too?” but Yoongi is drunk tonight and when he is drunk he is needy for your affection. 

You nod your head. 

“Say it.”

“I missed you”, you get out, following it up with a sob. 

“Baby, I love you”, he croaks, wiping your tears before dropping his forehead against yours, “I love you, baby, I love you. Don’t leave me again, please.”

“You’re so drunk.”

“Yeah, drunk ‘cause of you. Thought I’ll lose you. Baby, I can’t lose you”, he croaks and shows you his honesty with passionate rolls of his hips. Somehow he goes even deeper than before, he hits your favourite spots even better. 

You arch your back and scream his name, throwing your head back as best as possible. This is electric. Holy shit, he makes you feel good. Your face scrunches up against your will, your feet shake on his back. 

Yoongi admires you with a pounding head and racing heart, repeating what he did before over and over and over again. You react in mewls and moans and screams and he can’t get enough of it. He wants for you to lose your fucking voice because you couldn’t stop screaming for him. Because if you sound like this for him, he makes you happy. It has been too long since you actually screamed this way, so Yoongi is especially affected by tonight.

He laces his fingers with yours – again, he is drunk – and squeezes them needily. He thinks that he is crying too. He watches pearls of something drip onto your face sometimes. His eyes also burn. He doesn’t want it to stop. He is willing to carry his emotions on his sleeve if it meant you were happy again.

“Is this what you needed? Does this finally make you fucking happy?” he gets out, chasing the ecstasy as much as he helps you with your own pleasure trip.

You squeeze his hands back, making him moan your name.

“Ye-yes.”

“Argh”, he growls, trying so much harder to fuck you right. It feels so good. He has to tell you. He stayed silent way too often in the past. You want his efforts and he wants to give them to you. “You feel so good.”

The first confession was hard because he isn’t used to sharing his feelings. It was hard, but it was also ecstatic because your sounds of pleasure became louder and you tightened around him, squeezing his hands happily. 

“You feel so good. You feel so fucking good. You feel so good, princess. You feel…so good”, he can’t stop now that he started, telling you over and over and over again how you make him feel. Good. So good. He feels so good when he is with you. “You are so good. Princess, fuck. I have to..I, I have to- ah!” 

You open your eyes in time with Yoongi collapsing on top of you. He whimpers into the crook of your neck, shaking almost pathetically.

There are two things you always believed to be true about Yoongi. First: When he fucks, his moans are always deep, raspy and growly. Second: He has perfect control over his orgasms. 

Both of these things are getting proven wrong to you right here and now as he whimpers and shakes and paints your walls with his unexpected orgasm. You want to blame the alcohol on it and maybe the months of abstinence, perhaps even the fear of losing you paired with the relief of having you again. Holy fuck, he actually loves you doesn’t he?

“I love you”,  he sobs, hugging you close. 

“Yoongi ah”, he breaks you with his confession and the tenderness with which he holds you. You swear that you can taste colours for a moment. You haven’t felt honestly good in your own skin in months. This right here is what feeling good is. This is it. 

You don’t know who comes down first. You think it is Yoongi, but even if he does, he doesn’t pull out. He lets you shake and throb and clench around him until your moment of peak pleasure is over as well. He holds you silently afterwards, catching his breath in the crook of your neck. He missed your scent like nothing else. Truly, it leaves him so drugged out that he actually finds himself drooling as he smiles like a giddy boy. 

You calm down with his weight atop your chest, his length still inside you and his hair between your fingers. It is still a little stiff and crusty from the variety of hair products he keeps in it during his day job. To think that mere hours ago, you were screaming at each other in his office. It feels so far away to you now. Like a memory of an unbelievable life.

You don’t hate that you love him. You really don’t. 

“How.” He clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Are you sore? Does anything hurt?”

“No, but I’m leaking.”

“Fuck”, he laughs into your shoulder, nibbling on it gently, “sorry, I just…am drunk and missed you.”

“You were pathetic doing that.”

He laughs harder. You and he have a peculiar sense of humour. He knows that you meant it fondly. You laugh as well. He lifts his head at the sound of it, cupping your cheek. 

“If it means you’re laughing, I can live with being pathetic.”

Your heart flutters.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Booze. Way too much booze.”

You laugh again. His eyes soften, he caresses your face. 

“Definitely too much booze, yeah”, you agree.

“Mhm, fuck.” He cuddles into your shoulder again. “I’m sleeping here.”

“And you think I’d let you?”

He nods his head.

“Fuck, you’re the worst.”

“Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not.”

You wake up alone the next morning. It hurts. So nothing changed. He got what he wanted, made you addicted again only to leave. Like he always did. And you are left feeling dirty and used and fucking awful. 

You probably would have stayed in bed to cry the entire day if a very worrying noise hadn’t come from outside your door. Someone’s in your kitchen. You roll out of bed and leave the room. You don’t need weapons today. You are angry enough that you will probably be able to beat whoever is dumb enough to break in. 

You cross the corner and stop, lowering your fists.

Yoongi. 

He took a shower and tied all of his wet hair into a messy bun. He is shirtless, wearing a towel around his hips. Music is playing from his phone while on the stove, breakfast is sizzling. 

“You?”

He turns at the sound of your voice, face lighting up instantly. 

“Good morning, beautiful”, he says, closing the distance to take you into a hug. “Did you sleep well?”

You don’t answer him, you push at his chest so you could look at him. You can’t believe that he is still here and that he is making you breakfast.

“What’s the matter?” he asks. 

“Why the fuck are you still here?”

He furrows his brows, “why not?”

“I, I don’t know. I just, just. I thought that…huh? You didn’t leave?”

He frowns in regret for a moment, before leaning in to kiss your cheek. He gives your left buttock an almost playful squeeze afterwards, stepping back to return to the cooking.

“I’m making your favourite. I also cleaned. Your place was a shithole, honestly.”

Still flabbergasted beyond relief, you look around your small apartment. He didn’t just clean up the garbage and tidy, he fully wiped the place down. You check the clock next. It’s way past one at noon. You slept for more than twelve hours. Damn. You never even realised how much sleep these last three months took from you until you finally fell asleep in his arms again and actually stayed asleep. You feel refreshed and not uncomfortable in your own skin. 

Last, you look at Yoongi. He is humming to the music, switching between stirring the eggs in the pan and chopping up some pork belly. 

At first you don’t want to accept that this is actually happening to you, but then the desire to be close to him gets too grande to bear. You almost run to him, colliding with his back in a passionate hug. 

He stumbles and grunts, following it up with a fond chuckle and his big hands rubbing your lower arms. 

“Please don’t make me regret this again. Please.”

He turns in your arms, caressing your waist. He shakes his head, looking at you in ways he hasn’t looked at you in ages. As if he honestly loved you. 

“Can you promise me?”

“I promise you, baby”, he says in a soft voice and locks pinkies with you. 

The gesture is so cute and honest, that you have to stifle a giggle. Your heart hasn’t fluttered like this in ages.

“I have an idea. How about I’ll take next week off and we’re leaving this city for a while? Maybe the mountains? You’d like the air there”, he suggests. 

“Are you serious? Do you actually mean that?”

He nods his head. You and he began swaying to the music, looking at nothing else but the other. 

“But first I gotta sort out the mess I made when I busted V’s place”, he says.

“Yeah true.” You slap his chest. “Fuck you for that. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I know. I acted irrationally, I admit. But I’m gonna fix this. You know how easily I can make stuff disappear. He’ll be able to return again in a week or so.”

“I hope you’ll fix this, you idiot you.”

“Mhm, I will and then I’m taking you on a long vacation”, he says, kissing your forehead before hugging you against his chest.

You close your eyes, melting into his chest. 

“And when we’re there, I’m gonna make you breakfast and make you cum and make you smile. Yeah?” he whispers.

“Yeah”, you snicker.

He smells like your shower gel today, but you don’t mind. He hasn’t shown such an actual desire to change in months and it feels so good to receive. You love that you love him. You really do. 

“I love you, Yoongi”, you whisper, feeling him squeeze you for just a moment as your confession overwhelms him. 

“I love you too, princess”, he tells you and he is sober for it because he swore to himself that he won’t need alcohol anymore to be able to show you his affection. 

He is willing to better himself, he truly is and a week later, you and he are in his car on your way to a long vacation in the mountains.

[thenomadinside]

Soundtrack of My Life: 2020 (Mid-Year)

In my junior year of high school, I enrolled in a honors creative writing course called ‘Search for Self.’ The class helped students discover personal identity, meaning and purpose through a series of creative writing prompts and literature. A few solid reads that I recall from this class include A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, The Snows of Kilimanjaro and The Pearl. My favorite assignment that came out of this class was one called ‘Soundtrack of My Life.’ Each student was asked to curate a music album composed of 10 select songs and write a paragraph for each song about its context to your life. It was an assignment that really complemented my “ikigai” and I’ve made a conscious effort to continue doing this assignment periodically over the years. Music is one of the few constants in my life and best illustrates my mental health and headspace in that time and moment. After nearly a decade, it is refreshing to go back and review the different genres of songs I was feeling during that time in my life, as well as which songs have truly stayed with me and still remain in my ‘top 10.’

Bullet Train Fantasy by Ibrahim and Luvbird Considered as part of the “chillhop” lofi family, this song is perfect for one of those days when your head is in the clouds. It is very much a song that I can imagine myself listening to while riding the Shinkansen bullet train while casually eating a bento box and sipping an iced green tea. The past few months have all blurred together and sort of feels like riding a bullet train with no destination in sight (think Snowpiercer). The question in all of our minds is just when will the train stop and we’ll be finally let out to breathe?

“From Now On (앞으로)” by Kim Min Seung (김민승) When shelter-in-place first took place, it had me (along with many others I’m sure) spiral down into a dark rabbit hole of binge watching K-dramas. The first drama I binged was ‘Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo,’ which stars Lee Syung-Kung and Nam Joo Hyuk. Highly recommend this one to anybody looking for a lightweight drama as it is an innocently adorable, quirky and easily consumable slice of life series. “From Now On” was one of the drama’s main theme song that brought an upbeat and optimistic energy whatever scene it was overlaid over. I can confirm that my mood definitely perks whenever I hear it playing!

“Heartburn (Jarami Remix)” by Wafia Very few people know this about me but I actually suffered from constant heartburn during my adolescent years. I never had it diagnosed but my assumption was that the pulses were triggered by a poor diet and lack of exercise. It has since disappeared but was always a mystery to me growing up and I’d always ask myself, “Tell me, why does my heart burn this way?” That being said this time around the relapse is a different sort of heartburn.

“Yummy (Summer Walker Remix)” by Justin Bieber Seriously, don’t even bother asking. I am ashamed to say how weirdly obsessed I am with this song because it’s just so…damn… catchy. And yes, I am well aware that the lyrics are horrendous and the meaning behind the song is pretty disturbing. I do think I gain a few redemption points since I prefer the Summer Walker Remix over the original. Summer’s voice adds just a touch of sophistication and balances an otherwise repetitive song.

“Airplane Mode” by Younha I first heard this song in 2019 but it has since resurfaced. This song helped me build a deeper connection with a person who had a completely different taste in literally everything than me. It was truly a monumental moment to be able to identify commonality. I truly value the importance of turning on airplane mode both literally and figuratively. The song reminds me to disconnect from my phone which seems to be spewing nothing but bad news across the world recently as well as investing in self-care time. A minute detail, but I love how the intro to the song starts with the raw shutter sound of a DSLR camera.

“Crashin” by Saint Wknd & Dirty Radio If there was a song that gives me all the “start of summer” feels, it would be this one. This song had already convinced me that this summer was going to be an amazing one and surprisingly, it was! When I listen to this song, I feel as if I’m ready to go somewhere and gives me the confidence and swagger to go about my everyday routine. If you see me walking around with a bit more pep to my stride, chances are I’m probably listening to this song.

“Paper Hearts” by Tori Kelly I first heard of Tori Kelly from her “Rocketeer” cover with AJ Rafael way back in the day before her rise to fame. From that cover alone, I was sold and convinced that she would eventually blow up. I love Tori’s angelic voice and she’s one of the few artists that sound just as good live (if not better) as online. Last year, I organized at a dance series workshop and the choreographer chose this song which made me fall in love with it. The choreography felt very fitting with the lyrics and definitely challenged the class to “feel” the song more and be more interpretive with the movements.

“If You Were Here I’d be Okay” by David Choi This was one of those songs that I distinctly remember binge listening to in the car during my adolescent years. It would give me the energy to get me through the morning grind (clearly this was before I discovered coffee). I’ve recently been on a mission to clean out my files and just happened to stumble across this song amongst my old journal entries. To this day, I’m still shocked that this song didn’t blow and gain the recognition it deserved. The only live video I could find of David performing this song is here – check it out. (skip to 1:18)

“Less of You” by Keshi Yes, yet another lofi song has made my top 10 list! I love all of Keshi’s songs but this one in particular really captures the rawness of his voice which is complimented with the guitar instrumental. There is a sentimental quality to the undertones that really add to the “pain” of the song that is very relatable. I would also like to call out the looping gif on Spotify of this song because it’s truly a mood.

“The Space Between” by Cleopold I find myself more often than I’d like to admit “dancing in the space between” in my everyday life. It can be difficult to get out of and I find it a major blocker when it comes to decision making. Sometimes it works in my favor but other times it doesn’t. This song was perhaps one of the first songs that I started listening to towards the beginning of the year and it gets my juices flowing which is perfect for a good run outside of home workout.

[remingtonisleithal]

Mortician's Daughter

Andy Biersack x female reader

Word Count: 3.2k...

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, big on the angst, pregnancy and miscarriage/still birth I think that's it.

Summary: it's my take on a fic based on the song mortician's daughter. For added angst, listen while reading. Warning, I made myself cry by writing this, but it does have a happy ending. It's also kinda bad as I wrote it fast and haven't really edited. Sorry! If you like, please reblog!

They were only teenagers. Just kids, messing around, trying knew things. Falling in love. It all went down so fast. But they'd rather the pain of the empty ending than banish the beginning.

On a hot summer day, Y/N was struggling with school. Socialising was terrifying, her few friends weren't so friendly and she was terrified to start her last year. Again. The bell rang and she got up, dusting the grass off her skirt and walking her way to room 15 when she slammed into some.

“Oh, sorry,” both mumbled in sink. Y/N looked up into the vibrant blue eyes of a face she'd never seen before. They both smiled at each other, anxious to get to class. Y/N made it just on time, sliding into a desk near the back of the room. At least then she could hide.

“Alrighty everyone, welcome back to school. I hope your holidays have been good and well rested to prepare you for the big school year!” Mr White said, tormenting students with the fact that it was their last year of school, like they didn't know the hell ahead. But it was more than any of them knew.

Then there was a knock on the classroom door, and Mr White opened the door to find Mr Hallway/Mr Blue Eyes. He looked in the room and held up a hand to say hi.

“OK everyone, new student. You know the drill, be nice, make friends and he does not come from Russia, so don't let another Brody happen, OK?”

“Ay, fuck off sir!” Brody (famous for pretending to be Russian for 2 terms until an actually Russian kid spoke to him) defended light-heatedly.

Mr White pulled a face back. Ah, school.

“This is-” Mr White dragged out until Blue Eyes spoke.

“Hi, my name's Andy.” His voice was darkly heavenly. Y/N felt weak. Oh no no no, it's WAY too early for this, Y/N told herself.

“OK Andy, take any spot available and don't let these guys scare ya.”

Andy looked around the room and recognized Y/N. Wanting to make a friend he sat next to her.

“Hey, I'm so sorry for crashing into you earlier,” He said, dumping his bag at his feet. “I'm Andy.” he said, stupidly, mentally cursing himself. Wow, great intro, he thought.

“No, I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going,” Y/N managed, trying to keep her anxiety at bay. “I'm Y/N,” she said, smiling.

The class went on, but Y/N was hardly able to think. The guy next to her was too damn cute, with piercing blue eyes, deep voice, black hair and a lip ring. A lip. Ring. And she was supposed to concentrate when she was sitting next to him?? Impossible.

The bell rang and Y/N jumped a little, startled. She saw Caitlin look at her and laugh. Y/n just sighed, and shoved her book deep in her bag.

“Hey, um, what class do you have next?” Andy asked. Y/N turned around fast, eyes wide.

“Oh, um, lemme check,” she pulled out her new schedule to find period 2, English.

“English, room 10. You?” She asked, fiddling with her bag.

“Oh cool, I've got the same. Mind if I sit next to you again?”

It was this simple sentence that started their friendship. At the end of the week they met up for lunch, talking the whole time about their passions and dreams. Two weeks later Andy was having dinner at Y/N's house and watching movies all night.

A month after that, Andy and Y/N were standing side by side, watching the sun set over mountains, leaning on the railing at a lookout. They could each feel their rapid heartbeats, energy rise just from sanding so close.

“Y/N,” Andy mumbled, looking over at his best friend.

“Yes?” she replied, voice high with anxiety.

“I... Would you...” he chewed his lip ring and turned back to the sunset, gathering his courage. “Can I do something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Y/N wasn't sure she knew what Andy was going to do, but was surprised when she felt him hand on her neck, gently guiding her lips towards his. Eyes fluttering shut, the two of them lost themselves in each other.

Kisses led to dates, which led to first love, vulnerable and new, scared but brave, determined to love with all they had. They were perfect for each other, and for a few months the world slipped away. All that mattered was Andy's laugh and Y/N's smile.

One night when Y/N's parents were out of town, there was a knock on the door.

Y/N rushed downstairs to open the door, knowing it would be her boyfriend, her soulmate, Andy. And being Andy meant she didn't need to change out of her pj's... But maybe taking her hair out of a ponytail might be nice.

The door opened to reveal a bouquet of roses of all colours—including blue and black roses, which took Andy a long time to dye—and behind the flowers, stood a boy in a leather jacket, eyes like the moon and smile brighter than the sun.

“Andyyy,” Y/N said, in way of thanking him.

“Y/Nnnn” Andy replied, saying 'you're welcome'.

Andy wrapped one arm around her waist and kissed her deeply, while she brought her hand to the back of his neck. Staying kissing, the pair moved back into the house, shutting the door. As the kiss grew in intensity, the pair climbed the stairs, hand in hand, until they reached Y/N's room. Passionate kisses turned into more, and they became bound to each other in a way neither would expect.

Only a month later Y/N stumbled against the bathroom wall, sliding down and sitting on the floor in shock. Positive. She was pregnant. But she was barely 18! What was she going to do, what would she tell Andy? Oh my gosh, what about her parents? They'd be so disappointed. She couldn't tell anyone. She'd just get an abortion. But how? With no money, no support, no ride? She couldn't keep it secret forever. She needed to talk to Andy, he'd know what to do, and he'd support her no matter what. Just the thought of him calmed her down.

Picking up her phone, she texted him.

Hey baby, she typed out, then deleting. Baby. Nope, nope, not thinking about that right now.

Hey, can we talk?

Her phone buzzed within seconds.

Uh oh. Good talk or bad talk?

Y/N: I'm not sure. I'm scared.

Andy: I can be over in a few

Y/N: No please don't come over. Can I go to yours?

Andy: Of course xxx

Y/N picked herself up off the floor and wiped the tears from her face. After a deep breath, she wrapped the pregnancy test up in toilet paper, put it in her bag, and went to Andy's.

Andy knew something was wrong, if not by the text, by the red, puffy eyes of his girlfriend. The second he opened the door and took one look at her, she was pulled into his chest, as he left kisses in her hair.

“C'mon in.” He mumbled, holding her hand and shutting the door.

Once the pair was safely in Andy's room, Y/N started crying and shaking. Andy guided her to his bed where she sat for a minute, taking deep breaths.

“OK. Um. Andy. I have something to tell you.” her shaking voice scared him, but he steeled himself, determined to replace her tears with a smile, even if it meant only being friends.

Y/N reached into her bag and pulled out the test. Andy sank down to the floor in shock.

“Say something,” Y/N whispered. “Please.”

“I love you. I'm not leaving unless you tell me to. Whatever you need, Y/N, I'm here, OK? I'm gonna support you through this, no matter what.”

Those words, while exactly what she needed to hear, caused Y/N to burst into uncontrollable tears, sobbing hysterically in her love's arms.

Many months later, Y/N was in hospital, giving birth. And though he was late, Andy was there as soon as he could, soothing his girlfriend and holding her hand, helping however he could for the birth of his son and the sake of his love.

Then one of the worst things that could happen, did. What should have been a healthy baby boy never took his first breath. There was screaming and crying, but not that of an infant.

Y/N held tight to her baby boy, crying over the smallest corpse, as a shattered Andy sobbed with her, ignoring the nurses and laying beside Y/N to hold them both.

No amount of tears would wash out the pain.

A year later, Y/N and Andy were still together, recovering from their loss, never losing their love. But their time together had an expiry date. It was set those years ago, Andy's flight to LA. He was going to be a singer. They booked the flight together, for both of them, in a haze of romance determined dreams. They were going to make it.

But life had other plans, and Y/N had to look after her family for a while, whilst her parents recovered and got back on their feet. She couldn't go with him. But she wasn't going to stop the love of her life from his dreams, just cause of a silly girl like herself.

They walked into the airport, air humid from the rush of passengers. Andy pulled one of his suitcases, Y/N pulled the other, determined to be helpful before she breaks down.

Then it was time to say goodbye.

They knew the chances of lasting long distance were low, and they'd be busy, there would be time difference, and they each thought the other could easily fall for someone better who could physically be there for them. Even if their lives where each other.

A single tear slid down Y/N's cheek. Andy wiped the tear away with his thumb, bringing her in for a kiss. After a long, slow kiss, which all but said 'I love you', Andy pulled away. Forehead pressed to Y/N's, he spoke.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said, with a low voice. “Please, open your eyes. I need to see your eyes before I go.” With that a tear slipped down his face, and Y/N opened her eyes.

“There's my favourite blue eyes,” she sniffled. He let out a small laugh. “I love you, you know.”

Andy just nodded, holding her hand with one hand, her cheek with the other.

“And I always will.”

“I will always love you, too.”

She kissed his hand that was on her cheek, and he pulled away. She watch Andy walk further away from her, each step another crack in her broken heart. She was just about to leave herself when he turned around.

“I LOVE YOU Y/N! I'LL BE BACK, I PROMISE!” Andy yelled, waving, desperate not to leave, unable to stay. It was his fate to go. Then, he whispered it again, “I love you.” and while she couldn't hear it, Y/N knew the movement of his mouth.

She yelled tried to yell back.

“I-” but her voice broke. She held up her hands in the shape of a heart, and whispered “I love you too.”

Andy smiled. Nodded. And got on the plane.

It was a cold sleepless night in another hotel bed. Andy was tossing and turning, trying to sleep. But every time he closed his eyes he just saw Y/N. It had been a year. But his love was never gone.

Grabbing himself a pen and paper, Andy got out of bed and sat at the table in the hotel room, leaving only a dim lamp on. And he started to write.

Tears slipped down his face. But he kept writing. It was the only thing he could do, remember and write, or regret and fall apart.

“I open my lungs dear

I sing this song at funerals... no rush.

These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush.

Baby boy you've held so tightly,

This pain it visits almost nightly

Missing hotel beds, I feel your touch.”

“I will await dear, a patience of eternity, my crush.

A universal still.

No rust.

No dust will ever grow on this frame,

One million years, and I will say your name.

I love you more than I can ever scream.

We booked our flight those years ago,

I said, "I love you, " as I left you.

Regrets still haunt my hollow head,

But I promised you I will see you again, again.”

Black Veil Brides. Andy's band. Y/N was so proud of him. Every time she heard their music, she couldn't help but smile, even if that smile killed her a little. She was happy for him, and sad for her. But she only cared that he was happy.

She'd just woken up, her dog barking again at the postie. Why can't they just be friends? She thought to herself as she got out of bed. It was too late, she was already awake, might as well get some food.

After breakfast Y/N got the post from the letter box. Riffling through, bored, she walked inside. Bank, bank, bills, bills, bills, mum and dad, me, bi—oh shit I got one.

She recognized the hand writing. She stopped walking, in the middle of the front yard. Dropping the other letters, she scanned the envelope addressed to her. She opened the letter so carefully the envelope didn't rip.

Unfolding the letter, she took a deep breath and started to read.

“Dear Y/N,

I'm not sure if you'll even get this letter, but I have to try. I hope you're doing well, and your parents are healthy again. I hope you still have that beautiful smile, the one that means so much to me.

You don't need to answer this letter if you don't want to, but I can't stop thinking about you. I promised I'd be back. And, well, my band and I are performing back home. Maybe I could see you again? If you would like.

This letter is saying way more than I was planning, the main reason I'm writing is I've written a song for you. It's called mortician's daughter. These are the lyrics,”

Y/N read the lyrics and broke down, sitting on the grass, wiping tears away as though it would wipe the memories. Anything but facing this pain. She missed him more than she could bare. And his words only made her love him more. But he was not there.

She got to the end and saw 2 tickets were tapped the bottom of the letter.

“I put 2 tickets if you want to come, I'm not sure if you'll bring someone with you though. If you do, they're welcome backstage too.

Love,

Andy”

There were no kisses like there used to be. But he wrote her a song. He said he loves her. Was it just for the song? Y/N picked up the letter and walked inside before she could overthink.

It had been near two years since that fateful flight, and Y/N was terrified to go to a concert. She wore her favourite outfit, and the leather jacket that Andy had left a her house those years ago. The familiarity soothed her.

The drive to the concert wasn't long, but the wait to go inside was eternity. She wanted to watch the concert before meeting him again. After all, Black Veil Brides wasn't just her favourite band because of Andy (though that certainly helped).

When the doors opened, and others rushed to buy merch and go to the toilet after waiting in line for hours, Y/N got as close to the stage as possible. She watched the opening band. She watched everyone come on stage. And she saw Andy.

Andy greeted the crowd, eyes searching for Y/N's. Just as Andy was about to announce what song they'd play, he saw her. Their eyes met. His breath caught. For a second, there was no one else in that room. Only Y/N and Andy.

“Actually, for a change we're gonna start with a song called Mortician's Daughter, if that's OK with you guys,” he said, turning around to check with his band, all of which nodded and said 'yeah'.

Andy sang from his heart, hardly moving the whole song, putting everything he had into the song. The audience sang along, but Y/N just stood there, paralyzed. Looking up at the man she had loved since she was 17 and bumped into him in a school hallway.

By the end of the song, Andy looked directly into her eyes as he say “now I'm home again”. Y/N couldn't stop the tear from falling, and as the crowd cheered, Andy blinked back tears, looking up.

After the concert, Y/N lingered as the crowd dissipated. Then a bouncer came up to her and asked her name. Once he heard it, he asked if she wanted to go backstage. She walked down through the door with a pounding heart, and at the end of the hallway was another door.

“They'll be in there,” he said with a smile.

OK. I can do this. Just going to see Andy. An old friend. Who you loved and still love. And it's bee years, well, nearly 2. OK not helping. Shit, I can't do this-

Just as she was about to talk herself out of it, the door opened, and out walked CC.

“Oh hi! Hey guys, we got a meet and greet!” CC announced excitedly. “Wait, are you...?” he asked.

“Y/N,” she replied.

“Hey, come on in,” he held the door open for her. “By the way, it's nice to meet ya.”

Y/N walked into a small room, full of heat and smelling of sweat, as the guys cooled down from playing under the intense stage lights. CC stood behind her, Lonnie and Jinxx sat on a lounge, Jake was standing at a water cooler. And Andy was in the middle of the room, standing. She could just about see his heart pounding.

The silence in the room became uncomfortable, and the guys took it as a hint to leave.

“Yeah, we'll just ah,” CC said, as they headed out. Jinxx winked at Andy and Jake rolled his eyes at him.

Once the door was such, Andy had the courage to speak.

“You actually came.” he stated the obvious.

“Yeah.”

“Alone?” he asked, but was really asking, 'are you dating anyone'.

“No one to take with me.” she said, knowing what he meant and saying 'no'. “What you said, in the song, is it-”

“Yes,” they both laughed awkwardly as he didn't let her finish. “It's true, if that's what you mean.”

“It is?”

“I still love you. I always will.”

Y/N walked forward in large, confident strides, not stopping until she crashed her lips onto Andy's. Surprised, he stilled for a moment, but then melted back into her arms. They kissed and kissed, smiled and cried tears of relief and kissed. And when they stopped to breath, Andy looked Y/N in the eyes.

"I've missed you so much," Y/N said, with a small sob. "I love you Andy."

“I love you, Y/N," he cupped her cheek, looked her deep in the eyes, and pressed his forehead against hers. "With you, I'm home again.”

Taglist: @smiling-girl @fandomfoodiedancer @sab-falco @fedorable-killjoys I'm not sure if I've tagged the right people so please let me know if you want to be on or off the taglist! :)

[misspearly1]

Oh hello! 😃 This intro already has me gripped, but let me just state for the record before I continue - I already know this is going to be a super good read. I can just feel it in my bones!

Forgive me in advance for the size of feedback, my love. I'm typing it up as I read so it may be a little long. There's more under the cut 💚

I find that there is something so comforting about watching & listening a storm, and the way you describe it here is painting a lovely image in my mind. Honestly, I'm not exaggerating. I felt my shoulders relax as I imagined how it sounded and looked. Thank you for that 🥰

Having said that though, it's very different being outside during a storm - ugh, I don't much like being caught in a heavy downpour lol - so I'm really relating with the reader here! She's having a rough day and I feel for her, and I can already feel how much Joel is going to make her fell better too.

This part right here -> Even worse had been tripping as you passed Cache Creek Park. One foot splashed down into a puddle that was deeper than it looked, which was followed by losing your balance and letting go of the cart as you tumbled face first to the ground. If you hadn’t been soaked previously, you were after ending up in the large pool of muddy water, one cheek scraping against the crumbling concrete of the roadway as you went down. <- I genuinely think I would cry if this happened to me. You write so well to make me connect with your characters, and that right there is some next level writing. I love it!

But then it got worse for!! 😭 Omg, when she fell down though?? I really adore the way wrote reader picking herself up, dusting herself off and moving on here. To me, she sounds emotionally strong and tough, and I like that. (because I would fr be moaning about falling over all day lmao) I'm really liking readers personality so far in this story. Again, you have captured my attention from the beginning and I'm becoming more invested as I read more.

Oh, the next day when she awoke and was feeling under the weather is transporting me back to all of those times when I've been under the weather too! Your descriptions of her condition progressively worsening is incredible, realistic and very relatable. It's an awful & shitty feeling to be so unwell like this and every damn time, I am crawling to my bed. I know I'm repeating myself a little here, but this is really good writing which makes me connect with the reader. I love that build-up in the story. It really makes the introduction of Joel that much better later on. Great work, as always, my love!

And here comes the man we adore! I love the way you brought him into the story. It's not rushed, nor too slow, the pace is just perfect overall. And of course, I am already feeling that fluff in the way he speaks to her. I can hear that concerned tone of his. It's lovely. 🥰

I really like how he questioned if she was bitten too. That's an important detail and I'm glad you added it in there. I think that would be a big worry on a lot of peoples minds after the apocalypse when coming down with a simple flu. Nice touch! I like it, I also really like that no matter how poorly the reader is here, she still has her humour.

Omg, Rachael... I want to cry for reader here -> but the single touch of the man’s hand reminded you that in nearly 20 years, you’d never had anyone present to comfort you through it. And now I do. <- really pulling on my heart strings 😭

When she finally cried, I felt a good release of the shitty few days she had, and I feel so relieved that Joel is there with her, comforting her through this. Maan! This fic is exactly what I needed. And it's exactly what I'm going to need when I'm poorly again int he future. Saving this one to my favs for sure!

Oh, I love the use of Joel's humour to make her feel better. I just knew this fic was gonna be good. Didn't I say that? Hehehe! You write this man so damn well. I love how supportive and helpful he is being with her, especially letting her lean against him while she brushes her teeth. It's the smallest gestures like this that really get me. They're so meaningful and it just shows how Joel really cares for her.

OMG, THE FLUFF, MY DUDE!!! It's everything, Rachael. I want to point out what I love most, but it's pretty hard because I love all of it haha. That relief I felt the next day when she awoke and sat on the edge of the bed, pausing to check for the dizziness, but there was none. It's so good, and I honestly feel the relief reader is feeling.

I love that he climbed the balcony to get into her condo! The man was determined to check up on her. 🥰 Oh, now I love the mention of Tess and the connection as to why he asked if reader was bitten. That's a real nice touch. Tess is important to Joel, much like Ellie, Tommy and other people in Jackson.

God! I love your writing. You go into the meaningful depths and really bring these characters to life. The domesticity, the compassion, love and fluff is beautiful. I really, really, enjoyed this read, Rachael. Thank you ever so much for suggesting this for my request. I will most definitely adding this to my favs so I can come back and re-read.

You’re Tellin’ Me Something Real

Pairing: Joel Miller (TLOU) x Female Reader (Just Too Good to Be Gone AU)

Word Count: 6,330

Rating: M (Swearing, description of general illness, mentions of sex, allusions to canon TLOU plot elements - but for me, this is very tame)

Summary: Even when you’re living somewhere safe like Jackson, there’s no way to prevent common illnesses … but being bedridden 20 years after the world changed means something very different than it used to. A surprise caretaker can make even the worst days so much better.

*Takes place after Waiting For This Sky To Fall, roughly a year after Joel and Ellie’s arrival in Jackson - but before We’ll Feel It All Tonight*

Author’s note: I know that we don’t see much ‘domestic’ Joel Miller within the games, but we DO see how much he cares for the people that are close to him - and this is an important step for them. This is also just me wanting to be cared for by this man while I feel like shit - and I hope you enjoy it.

THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE LAST OF US 

Continue reading at your own risk.

Suggested musicial pairing: Caught in the Rain - Revis

Just Too Good To be Gone Masterlist

There were times when you were glad that you lived so far away from the parts of Jackson that were busy. It meant that things were almost always quiet, you could sit back, enjoy the view and pretend like things were normal. But other times, your decision to live a solid twenty minutes from the majority of your neighbors felt like the stupidest decision you’d ever made. And I’ve made a lot of those. 

The storm had come from nowhere, blowing in from the west and soaking you to the bone halfway between Jackson Town Square and your condo, and there’d been nothing that you could do about it. In a matter of minutes, the temperature dropped nearly twenty degrees and pushed the rain almost to the point of freezing. That was something that you hadn’t counted on when choosing your outfit for the day, which consisted of a thin short sleeved shirt and jeans, perfect for the faux-spring days that Jackson frequently experienced in February and March, the air warm even with still-melting piles of snow everywhere.

Keep reading

[ieroween1031]

My Thoughts in Real Time as I Watched Episode 13 of Love in the Air That Absolutely Nobody Asked For:

- IM SO EXCITED I CANT BREATHE

- I can’t believe this is the (second to) last time I’m gonna see this intro, I already want to cry

- Fucking Sig, I love him so much.

- Can we get a spin-off just dedicated to Sig?

- Rain, you nosy motherfucker. We love you for this.

- Also, I’m so totally here for Sky finally not holding back his emotions. Agreeing to give Pai a ‘prize’ if he wins? We love to see it.

- Prapai’s posting picture of Sky on his Instagram? I’m fucking dead.

- These episode names are too much. Can’t do it!

- Aww, little baby Sky.

- Sky smoking? Oof. I don’t care how gross it is, smoking is hot. Sue me.

- If that was really the first time Sky took a drag of a cigarette, he’d have coughed it all back out. The first few cigarettes as a new smoker suck, and they fucking hurt.

- On that note, don’t smoke, kids! It’s bad for you!

- I knew that it was gonna be Gun, and as soon as I saw him, I honest to god growled. Fucker.

- Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. (To myself and to Sky)

- Listen to your friends, Sky!

- Okay, smoking’s not hot when this fucking dickbag does it.

- This should go without saying, but for everyone out there reading this, don’t let anyone take advantage of you or hurt you unless you’re into it. Don’t go along with shit you’re not comfortable with just to prove that you love someone. Fuck them, fuck their feelings, protect yourself.

- Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

- Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I don’t wanna watch this.

- I can’t imagine how hard this was for Peat. The reaction video is gonna hurt.

- Fuck, I hope someone kills this fucking asshole.

- I know this is an emotional scene, but I’m losing my shit over Pai calling Sky ‘baby’

- THIS FUCKING COCKMONGER AGAIN?

- Take your fucking eyes off of him and wipe that smirk off your face, you shitbird.

- Fluffy PrapaiSky will be the death of me.

- I’m so proud of Sky for not being afraid and being able to admit how he feels. My sweet baby has come so far!

- The look of terror on Sky’s face when he didn’t know who was hugging him is just one giant foreshadow and I hate it.

- “My lucky star” 😭😭😭😭

- Payu is 1000% done with Pai’s lovesick ass like he probably wasn’t just as bad a few months ago.

- We need more Payu/Sky and Prapai/Rain. The boyfriend/best friend dynamic is so freaking cute.

- Every time I see that bastard, I get so fucking angry.

- I was gonna yell at Sky to run as soon as he saw Gun, but I remember when someone who looked like my abuser walked into my job and I shut down and just completely froze, so I understand why he couldn’t run.

- It’s absolutely killing me that Pai knows that Petch is a slimy little snake, but that he doesn’t know why.

- Yes, Sky! You stand up for yourself! Your man loves you, and don’t forget it!

- Rain, I know you’re trying to be helpful, but I kinda wanna smack you.

- Rain really is a gold(fish)en retriever, isn’t he? Head empty, no thoughts, attention span that only lasts two seconds, but damn it, he’s a good boy that’s trying his best.

- I feel nauseous watching Sky walk into that apartment.

- You fucking liars. I’m so angry.

- I’m so glad that Sky doesn’t believe them. It’s amazing to see how much he’s changed.

- Sky Protection Squad in full force, yes! Go rescue him!

- Where the fuck are Rain and Payu while Pai and Gun are in the bedroom? Are they just making tea with the other assholes that were in the apartment? Come on, guys.

- Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.

- Love him to death, but for the love of method acting, someone please teach Fort how to properly throw a punch.

- He should have killed him. And Payu should have hit Petch, too.

- I don’t know what hurts more, Sky being catatonic and not being able to cry, or Pai sobbing for him.

- He brought him home. Like, home, home.

- That picture of the two of them on Pai’s desk, I could cry.

- I don’t even have any more thoughts, I’m just happy that Gun and Stop are gone, all four of my boys are happy, and that Pai knows everything about Sky now.

- There are a bunch of scenes from the novel that I’m sad were not in the series, but that could be a whole separate post.

- WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW?

- Aside from finish KinnPorsche (I still have two episodes left), catch up on Remember Me and Between Us, binge all the other shows I have on my To Watch list, and tear my hair out waiting for Just Say Yes.

- Excuse me while I rewatch the entire series over and over.