#and when he found only her son who was a lot older than Gandalf remembered

[silentstep]

           “Mahal in his forges— it’s the same old story,” said Dis with clear disgust.  “He was your father and you love him, fine; I do not forgive him one jot for not supporting his wife in her career the way she did for him in his.”

           “I beg your pardon: my father never worked a day in his life,” said Bilbo icily.

           “See, what’s really weird is that you sound proud of that,” Dis snorted.  “Seriously, I don’t care how rich either of them were, do you think there’s a male thief out there of half her caliber to whom it would even occur to give it all up just because he got married and had a kid? But Belladonna Took has to get completely out of the game if she wants to start a family.  That’s exactly why I’ve never married and never will.”

           “Duna’s married,” said Dori.

           Dis pointed emphatically with the knife.  “Yes, to my cousin, whom you better believe I brought up to know better.  Oh, damn—” She shook the knife close to her ear. “Thorin, the hilt’s coming loose.”

           “Triple-riveted full tang and it still comes loose,” sighed Thorin, taking it from her and tapping the hilt with his fingers. “You’re right, Princess, I’m sorry that’s happened.  Here, take this one for now��I know it’s not to your standards, just as a loaner.  I’ll get you this one back as soon as I can.”

           “Do,” she commanded.  “I’m not going to be patient, that’s one of my top four knives.”

           Thorin inclined his head smiling, this apparently being a compliment, and Dis turned the knife he’d handed her back and forth with a grimace, peering at the blade.

           Bifur rumbled a long sentence, and Dis grimaced again, then turned back to Bilbo.  “He says that if Belladonna wanted to get married and stay in the game both, she could have married Bombur and had all the support in the world, and that I’m projecting.  I don’t think I’m wrong, but he said you should hear it and that’s fair.”

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Back to school - Chapter 3 - Kira

So, my first short AU has turned into a soap opera really fast...

Here's another Kira chapter...❤️👩🏻‍🏫

Fandom : The Hobbit

Characters : Oh everyone

Rating : Gen up to now

Warnings: Turns a bit dark, a tad of crying, histrionics and it's a dilettantish attempt at an AU

Kira watched them walk away, the new kid almost tripping over his own feet trying to catch up with that monstrosity of a teenager stomping away moodily.

She remembered vaguely what it had been like to be this young and to stumble upon a pretty face that hit one unawares like a right hook into the jaw; and, just as she had that thought, one of those faces appeared just above her.

“Miss Kira, I see you’re still hale.” That man had a voice like running rivers, cold and beautiful, Kira thought. As beautiful as her new colleague, Thranduil, was, she distrusted him instinctively. There seemed to be a lack of that kindness in him that she had come to expect in a teacher.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She snapped, exhausted from this first day of work and troubled by all the secrets flitting around and nipping at her skin. “You’ve got the trash class.” He shrugged, his perfectly toned shoulders heaving with disgusting elegance and poise. Why could he not be as ugly as his words? It would make disliking him so much easier!

His freaking son was in that class, Kira thought, for crying out loud. How could anyone be that facetious?

“I’d be ever so grateful if you could refrain from making remarks such as these.” Her tone could grow just as cold and sharp as his, she decided. “Oh, you’ve warmed up to them, have you?”

There was a flash of something behind the obvious mockery; for a moment, Kira thought she had seen a hint of surprised joy, but the spark was gone before she could hold on to it or commit it to memory.

“They have been very nice. Your son has a rare talent for drawing.” She replied, carefully. “He’s a nitwit.”

Bitterness, Kira could taste it on her tongue as if that man in front of her was literally spewing acid. He was disappointed, but whether it was himself or that sweet-tempered boy of his who caused him such distress, Kira could not yet tell.

“He is not and you’re an asshole for saying so.” The words were out of her mouth before she could bite them back.

Wonderful, she had met exactly 3 other adults this far and she had managed to insult one of them to their face within the first day of her arriving at her new post. Kira deserved an award for hasty reactions that would lead to trouble and pain.

One thick eyebrow lifted with agonising slowness until it reached its zenith in a perfectly calm face.

“Strong words.” A drawling snarl, devoid of bite or anger; he seemed rather amused by her outburst that coloured her cheeks a flaming red and made her eyes shine with a ferocious fire. Kira liked to think that she looked intimidating or fierce, but she was old enough to be aware that she actually resembled a young girl running a fever when she got angry.

His eyes shifted into something that was now definitely mournful as he told her that there were many things she didn’t know and, with a sharp sadness, he added: “Maybe, someone with a soft heart like yours should not have come here.”

Bristling, she got up and pushed past him into the school building.

Who was he to tell her where she was to go or not? He knew nothing about her either, or about the things she had done and seen in her life. A soft heart, pfff, indeed.

Making her way through the halls and corridors, and getting turned around only twice, she finally entered the small administration office where a handsome woman with long, black hair was clacking away on her keyboard.

“I am…I have…I am new here and I’d like to see the files of the class I’ve been given.” Kira announced, rather badly, and the woman looked up with a disinterested face. “Which class would that be?”

Damn, she didn’t even know the name of the class, for she was sure that DD was not the official code. “Mister Gandalf’s class? I’ve taken over for Mister Smaug.” She mumbled, hoping that the lady would know which class she was talking about without her having to confess that she was a terrible teacher who had not done a rollcall or learned what the official denomination of her class was.

“You poor dear, how much time do you have?” The woman gave a wry chuckle. “Time?” Kira cocked her head.

“Go through to the library, I’ll bring you the files.” She patted Kira’s hand, lying cramped on the little counter before her. Those treacherous hands, she thought, always clenching without her knowledge, and betraying her inner turmoil.

As she sat in a corner of the library, she thought back on her first day: her colleague was like an ice-king from a fairy tale, cold and beautiful, and her class turned out to be a bunch of grumpy misfits.

Well no, only the two tall boys, the other ones seemed agreeable enough, but Kira was not used to scowling teenagers. It made her feel ill at ease and unwelcome; everything in this place made her feel unwelcome and she had half a mind to go home again and call it a day.

She had tried, but there was no place for her, not here, not anywhere else.

The door opened and the woman from before shoved a document cart piled high with folders in.

“You’re new to the town too, aren’t you?” The woman nodded slowly when Kira admitted that she was. “You and the curly boy, you don’t even know what mess you’ve gotten yourself into.”

Making a non-committal gesture, Kira encouraged her to go on. “You’ve met Dwalin and Thorin, I expect. They’re the local troublemakers. Hmmmm…” The woman pulled out a chair from under a deserted table and leant against it as if she couldn’t bear to sit down for this story.

“Their family, Thorin’s parents to be exact, they had a business. Beautiful it was. It burned down…some say, Smaug, the former teacher was behind it. We don’t know. There was some point of contention between them, but…”

“What about Thranduil?” Kira asked, the question falling from her numb lips.

“Oh…he…it was a beautiful business as I said and there have been important possessions of his lost in the fire. It…it is a time ago now. Thorin’s father has disappeared, you know, and Thranduil thinks he might have taken off with the most valuable parts. I don’t know if that’s true.”

The woman bit her lip, she knew she was gossiping, but she obviously thought that Kira had a right to know those things. Probably, she wanted to chase her away, but with every word, Kira’s faltering resoluteness firmed up again.

“Who is taking care of them? They’re kids.” Kira cried out, horrified by what she was hearing.

“Older cousins; they’re a strange clan. Secretive. Weird. Hostile. Thorin should have graduated, but he sticks around for his sister. Thranduil is her headteacher.” The woman sighed heavily. “We’re all one tangle of resentment and hate here.”

A fire, Kira thought, a future gone up in flames, a legacy fallen to ashes.

“What kind of person was this Smaug?” She then prodded on, curious about her predecessor.

“Smaug? Sly, charming, wickedly smart, very cunning…and dark. Oh, Kira, can I call you Kira? Leave girl, there is nothing here for you. Smaug and Thranduil? They survived here because their hearts have turned to stone a long time ago. The kids will hurt you; destruction is all they know.” She took a deep breath.

“Those children were raised on hatred, they absorbed distrust at their mother’s tit, they suckled on hostility. They will take everything from you if you let them.” The woman tapped the folders on the cart.

“I’m telling you, you don’t need to know. Leave this place. There’s too much death around here.”

Everything in Kira revolted.

“What made people that hard and bitter?” She asked, breathless with shock and pity.

“Loss. If you lose someone you love, you seek for culprits and there are more than enough potential candidates around here.”

Kira thought of young Bilbo’s flush, of Thorin’s shy smile and Legolas’ beautiful drawing, and grabbed the first one of the folders resolutely. “I have nothing to lose.” She whispered and plunged into the heart-breaking life story of one Tauriel; a girl who had impressed her with zealous interest and brave kindness.

The woman left and soon after, the door to the library was shoved open again and Gandalf strolled in, his grey wool cardigan stained with chalk and his beard hiding a sad smile.

“You’ve taken an interest in them, I see.” He said in a low voice, but his presence startled Kira so much that she uttered a frightened yelp. “Yes, yes, I wanted to know what all this talk of hate was about.”

Kira set aside the folder she had been browsing. “You have been crying.” Gandalf said softly, handing her a handkerchief and sitting down on the discarded chair the administrator had left pulled out.

She sniffed; she had just found out that the sweet-tempered blonde boy, son of the imperious colleague with the amazingly beautiful eyes, was semi-orphaned. His report cards said he was dumb, slow to understand and illiterate, but Kira had seen him read. All the notes about him betrayed a sense of impatience and exasperation that must have heightened the pressure on the poor kid, she thought. It was hard enough to be another teacher’s son, did people have to expect so much of a boy his age?

“Come, I’ll invite you to a milkshake, Miss Kira.” Gandalf extended his hand with the same natural friendliness as he had when handing her a handkerchief earlier. “Ah, you’ve kept the worst one for last.” He tapped on the thick folder bearing Thorin’s name.

Kira didn’t want to admit it, but she was frightened. The woman had been partly right and there was a lot of darkness in this town; shady things had happened, and Kira was unable to comprehend how people could burden mere children with past grievances they had not been a part of.

“There’s a little shop just down the main road.” Gandalf was chattering gently, shoving the last file into her satchel, and steering her out of the gloomy library carefully. “It will do you good to get out of this building.”

When she saw the blinking lights, her eyes burned and she wondered how long she had been sitting in the dark library, crying helplessly over the fate of children she had only met today.

“Miss Kira!” A honey-coloured mop of hair appeared in her blurry field of vision, and she was tempted to sling her arms around Bilbo. “Bilbo…” She sighed. “Oh, have you been crying?” Bilbo looked up, alarmed and worried.

“I’m okay, kiddo, it’s all fine.” She lied, she knew it and so did Bilbo.

“Oh, that girl over there, that’s Thorin’s sister.” Gandalf whispered into her ear. Kira looked up only to see the beautiful creature that had been with mopey Dwalin before class. She should have known, Kira thought, now that she saw them together, it was as clear as day that they were related.

“God, they’re such charming children.” Kira sighed under her breath. “Isn’t he just?” Bilbo sighed along, blushing a dark pink under Kira’s gaze that had snapped back to him. Kira didn’t know what this town’s ideas and beliefs were on that kind of crush; she had not been here long enough to gauge how people reacted to single women and same-sex couples, but it was clear that Bilbo himself felt terrible about his own words.

Kira wondered if there was no hairdresser in town, all the haircuts she had seen this far were exceptionally long and flowy, or awful like Ori’s, and the fact that half of all the people she had met this far were cramped into the small ice-cream shop reminded her of the woman’s words. They really were all packed one on top of another, all the time, no wonder there were frictions and animosities.

“Hello, are you the new teacher?” Kira snapped out of her reverie to be confronted with the fresh face of a young girl who looked up at her expectantly. “You sure are pretty.” She went on, which made Kira blush.

“I am Dís, I’ll introduce myself, old Thrandy interrupted me before and…my brother is useless.” She had the most dazzling smile, small dimples to either side of her generous mouth that was so unlike the grim line of her brother’s and eyes like a summer sky. She was the first happy person she had met, Kira realised, and her eyes flew to Thorin who observed them with meticulous sharpness.

His baby sister, of course, he’d throttle me on the spot if I threatened the girl in any way.

“I am…the new teacher. I’m not so sure about the pretty part.” Kira murmured, unsure how to proceed with Bilbo and the girl both now staring up at her as if she owed them some kind of explanation or answer to a question nobody had asked.

“Was Thorin very gruesome?” Dís asked with a mix of morbid pleasure and honest worry. Kira saw Bilbo flinch; so this was how they would handle things, she thought, Bilbo and her would be more or less mockingly warned so as to counteract every single potential disappointment…or expectation.

Squaring her shoulders, Kira lifted her chin and replied: “No, I expect great things of the young man.”

An eerie silence fell over the group and Kira could feel Gandalf stiffen just behind her; he was hovering in the door as if to keep her from retreating. Little did he know that Kira usually met her fears head-on, she would not back out of a shop because she happened upon a group of students; not even when it was obvious that she had been crying.

“Nothing ever happens here, so tell me, what did you think of old Thrandy? He was certainly flushed and a little grumpier than usual…” Dís had an infectious smile, Kira thought as she felt her own lips being pulled up by an unseen and unfathomable force. “Mister Thranduil was…very courteous.” She replied weakly, remembering with painful clarity how she had called him an asshole in the least civil display of discontentment possible, short of shoving him outright.

The idea of shoving someone that tall and strong made her giggle under her breath.

“He doesn’t like us much.” Dís said it off-handedly, but Kira had been a teacher for too long not to notice the tiny quiver that made her smile blur for a second. Once again, Kira wanted to protest and assuage the girl’s pain, but what did she really know? She had only arrived in this clusterfuck of a town.

“Do you think…could you like us? Please?” Her huge eyes shone like headlights. She looked so much like her brother, only softer, more open, and much more vulnerable. It was the age, Kira thought, it was the fact that he had always held his hand over her and, right now, he bulldozed towards them.

“Dís…leave the woman alone.” He gave her an apologetic smile; begging for affection was beneath his dignity apparently, so Kira turned her attention back to the girl and sighed: “I’m doing my utter best.”

“We’re not so bad, really. Don’t…don’t believe what people say.” She tapped her finger against the folder sticking out of Kira’s satchel. Her brother’s name was clearly visible and, unlike Kira, Dís seemed to know exactly what lay between the faded grey layers of cardboard.

“Dís, that is enough. Leave her be.” Thorin repeated, trying to pry his sister away. “Don’t mind her.” He said to Kira.

“Let go of me, you stupid oaf. How many times have you cornered old Thrandy in the hallway on my behalf? Can I not, for once, speak up for you?” Her eyes were flaming with blue fire now, reminding Kira of a copper flame.

“Don’t…don’t believe what people say, I can only ask you to make up your own mind. Both of you…” Dís then addressed both Bilbo and Kira who exchanged a puzzled look. “I don’t know anything about the idle tittle-tattle of the town.” Bilbo puffed up his chest and made a small gesture of dismissal.

Kira, on the other hand, did not know what to say. As a professional, she was bound to put at least some faith in the words of her colleagues and her predecessor; she knew teenagers to be manipulative, potentially mean-spirited, and profoundly selfish beings. It would have been more careful to heed the warnings others had given her.

“So…about your milkshake?” Gandalf prompted her from behind and Kira thought that she needed something stronger than a milkshake tonight to get settled into bed, but she would not get shit-faced in front of the students.

“The strawberry one is good.” Bilbo offered. Her eyes slid over the sign hanging on the wall.

“Chocolate-Mint?” She turned to Gandalf. “Unusual.” He commented. “Nobody likes that much.” He made a face.

“I am not everybody else…and I do.” Kira replied firmly and followed the man to the counter to escape the students.

The whole town seemed strangely informal to her and yet, there were so many things she could not quite understand, as if there was a deeper, darker truth hidden behind every brazen interaction.

“I see Thorin has taken a shine to the new kid.” Gandalf commented in a low voice when he returned with their drinks to the little booth Kira had taken in the meantime, far away from the kids, in a quiet corner. “At this time, he’s usually in the little hardware shop his family keeps.”

Kira could hear that Gandalf was trying to tell her something, but her head was still fuzzy with second-hand pain and first-rate confusion. “You’ll fit right in with us, I think.” Gandalf went on, nodding at her bare hands. No rings. For a woman her age, it was rare, and as her colleague and superior, he of course knew that she had come here alone.

No husband. No children. No emergency contact either.

“Young Bilbo is an orphan.” He murmured on. “There are too many orphans in this town.” Kira replied tonelessly.

“It wasn’t always like that…It won’t be like that forever.” Gandalf said and she had to believe in the faith vibrating strong in his voice. Of course, it wouldn’t stay like that, Kira thought, they would grow up and if this place was not right for them, they would find another one.

She drank her milkshake slowly, eager and reticent at the same time to take a look at that last file in her satchel. Her mind was full of what other people had told her: her colleagues, the administrator, that girl…

When she dared glance over, she saw Bilbo laughing at something Dís had said, and it seemed like the ghost of a smile danced on Thorin’s face. God, there were so many open scowls and just as many aborted smiles in this town.

“Are they…” Kira started to voice her concerns, but relapsed into silence, it was none of her business.

“Are they what, dear? Allowed to flirt? I’d hope so, these things come easier to the younger generation.” Gandalf tapped the side of his nose as if he knew that she was hopeless in the romantic department.

“I don’t need to know.” She said hastily, almost tipping over her empty glass as she got up and grabbed her satchel.

“Kira? You will soon learn that there is no escaping “knowing” in this town. I am so sorry, but you’ll eventually have to choose a side. Will you take the easy path?”

She froze.

“Here, take this. I’ll see you at work. Tomorrow.” He handed her yet another handkerchief, a beautiful, delicate thing that had no business being in the possession of a slightly scatter-brained, decidedly masculine headteacher.

“I bought it in the emporium that once was.” Gandalf said with a sad smile. “Before the fire.” Kira answered tonelessly.

“Thranduil said that someone with my soft heart should not be here.” She felt like telling on the colleague, but the recollection of his words cut deep, and she needed some kind of reassurance.

“Thranduil believes softness to be weakness. Do you have a strong heart, Kira?”

She did not know how to answer that question; it was novel to her, nobody had ever asked her anything remotely as confusing and irrelevant. She had never had any medical problems of the cardiovascular variety, but she doubted that this was the meaning he had been trying to convey.

“We’ll find out soon enough.” He grinned and when the door swung open, he sat back and waited.

“Miss Kira.” Already, she recognised the shy, quiet quality of the voice that reminded her of those wispy curtains her aunt Imelda used to have in her living room and that had ended up torn to shreds by her vicious Siamese cats.

“Legolas.” She turned around, satchel in hand, only to find her face almost pressed into the perfectly starched button-down of someone who has definitely not the nearly translucent boy.

“Mister…” – “If you can call me asshole, you can call me Thranduil.” His voice cut like a well-honed blade, slicing easily and elegantly through her defences…No jagged edges, no serrated indentations…Acid running like water and leaving nothing but burning pain behind.

She was tempted to call him asshole again, but she clenched her teeth before bowing her head slowly.

All the kids eyes were glued to her now; she could feel the prickling heat of their gaze on her neck. “Good evening. I’m on my way home.” She said courteously and tried to push past them.

“Legolas, go sit with your classmates, I’ll walk your teacher home.” Thranduil declared with icy determination.

“Why? What danger could lurk in the shadows for me when clearly, everyone is here?” Kira snapped.

“No, he’s right. It is not safe.” She had not noticed that the students had come up behind her, but she could hear that it pained Thorin to the core of his heart to admit that the hated teacher was, for once, not completely wrong.

“Stay with your classmates, Legolas, I will walk Miss Kira home.” Thranduil repeated and Legolas shuffled his feet for a moment before being pulled away by Bilbo. He didn’t get along with his classmates, Kira knew, but the fact that Thorin had not objected, told her that they all agreed to this plan.

Kira could not fathom what peril could hide in this sleepy, little town other than being smitten by a lightning bolt made of pure contempt and hatred, but when Thranduil held the door open for her, she moved outside readily enough.

For a while, they walked in resentful silence, each one thinking about the angry words that had been uttered between them. “I took…” She started, but he waved her words aside. “I know where you live.”

Of course, he knew. Everyone knew. Maybe, she’d be murdered in her sleep by the cloud of ominous darkness hovering over every square inch of this godforsaken place.

“Lock your door and say your prayers.” He mumbled, looking tired all of a sudden, as if the polish had worn away and washed off and all that was left was a middle-aged man who was alone in the world with a child he could not understand and a bunch of neighbours he didn’t like.

“If you see a fiery red sports car…” he started and waved her past her own building and towards a small corner shop.

“If ever anything feels amiss, you call Gandalf, the school, me…and you come here.” He went on insistently.

“Thranduil.” Another man stepped out, his eyes cautious and guarded as they fell on her tall companion. “Balin, this is Miss Kira. She’s your boys’ new teacher.”

The older cousin then, Kira thought, barely older. Where were the women in this town? Where were the mothers?

“It was mighty good of you to take her home.” Balin nodded slowly, giving Kira an appraising look.

“Now, look here lass, if anything happens, you come here.” – “What should happen?” Kira wanted to laugh, but she remembered: there had been a terrible fire, a man had disappeared, a car had been damaged, mothers had been lost. She was an outsider, and she knew nothing of the things that haunted these people.

“If he comes back.” Balin just replied and Kira was surprised at the grave nod Thranduil gave as a reply.

“Who? Smaug? What kind of guardians are you if you let someone that dangerous be alone with your little ones?” Kira exploded. “Little ones? Have you seen Thorin and Dwalin? They’re hardly little ones.” Balin laughed heartily.

“He held sway, let’s put it like that, and we could not dislodge him against his will.” Thranduil explained suavely.

“Not that you’ve tried really hard.” Balin mumbled into his beard.

“He was a fucking menace; he’s done terrible harm to those children!” Kira could not fathom how they could be so calm about that. “Aye, that’s a grief we all have to live with. I don’t think he’d come back, but if he does…well, we’ll know how to deal with him.” Balin said with pride in his voice.

“I’d rather let him tear me limb from limb than expose any of my students to that monster ever again!” Kira could feel the tears of anger and helpless indignation threaten to dash her brittle voice to pieces.

“You’re a fiery one, lass, I’ll give you that. Maybe, we all need more of this around here.” Balin chuckled and gave her a card. “Oi, Miss Kira, everything alright?” Dwalin came out, his hands covered in dark dust and his face glistening with sweat.

“Yes, I am fine. Suffocating on so much testosterone, but I am alright. One would think some evil power would send ghouls and dragons after me as soon as I step out alone.” She chuckled under her breath.

“Don’t wander around alone too much. I trust Thorin and Dís have taken care of the new kid?” Dwalin nodded when Kira’s eyes widened. They were being herded like sheep. With a tiny nod of the head, Dwalin and, what Kira surmised must have been his older brother, returned to their shop.

“They’re distasteful people, but they can protect you. We’re just up there.” Thranduil accompanied her back to her own suite of flats, pointing at a small rise where a beautiful white mansion peeked out from a patch of dark trees.

“Don’t call them distasteful.” Kira grumbled. “Lady, you call people assholes.” He reminded her.

“I’ll never live that one down.” She said through gritted teeth. “No, you won’t. We have a long memory when it comes to grievances and offenses.” It didn’t sound like a threat, there was no anger or even hurt in his voice; he was merely stating facts.

Rolling her eyes at him, she jangled her keys and made her way into the building. All of this was completely ludicrous, but she locked her door twice and fastened the bolt as well before taking off her shoes and cuddling up on the small sofa.

Kira wished she had someone to talk to, someone who would be interested in her first day at work and who would laugh and groan with her about that absurdly handsome, stuck-up, judgemental, overly sensitive colleague of hers whose eyes made her wish for summer and picnics outside.

Also, she yearned for someone to hold her as she opened the thick file and leafed through records of detentions and disciplinary procedures until she came to a clear line in Thorin’s academic career: he had been a good student, wild and impatient but also diligent and gifted, up to a certain point and only after that had he turned into a teacher’s nightmare.

Kira rubbed her eyes, she could barely believe that those words, “dangerous”, “vicious”, “devious”, “insane”, should be applied to a man that young. Thinking back, she saw a hunched-over youth, uncomfortable in his skin, wary, and definitely traumatised; she had never had the feeling that he had been threatening her in any way though.

One thing was for sure, Mister Smaug had hated the kid and he had not missed a single opportunity to make his life miserable, going as far as scribbling defamatory notes about Thorin’s family into the official records.

Piecing together what she could glimpse by reading between the lines, the family had built an emporium, but the grandfather’s megalomania had attracted the wrong kind of attention, and everything had literally gone up in flames. The father had disappeared, leaving the son to bear the burden of a reputation of being a greedy, thieving beggar – born and bred.

Nobody could see her now, so Kira lay down her head and cried.

It had been only one day, and already, she had no idea what to do and how to go on in this quagmire of secrets and lies.

Her mind wandered back to those fresh faces, to the willingness of Tauriel and Ori to work, to Bilbo’s calling out to her to give her opinion, to Legolas’ pride over a drawing, to Thorin’s and Dwalin’s surprising protectiveness, and she knew that even if Smaug came back and set her ravishing asshole of a colleague on fire in front of her eyes, what really mattered were the children. She would try her best to make a difference…at least for those who might change the fate of the world…in time.

[paradoxcase]

I was mistaken earlier: Dunharrow is important later in the story, but not in the Two Towers - it’s the place where the Dimholt, the entrance to the Paths of the Dead, is.

From what I remember of the movie, the chronology for Theoden et. al. in Return of the King is that they travel from wherever they were when Pippin looked in the Palantir (which I think was not the same place they were in the book at this point, because in the movie this scene happens in some sort of fortified stone building, but in the book they were camped out in the open) to Dunharrow to marshal the troops, and Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are all with them.  Then Elrond shows up out of nowhere with Anduril and tells Aragorn that corsairs are going to be attacking on ships and he needs to go through the Paths of the Dead to stop them, and also he should recruit the dead to join him, which he can do because he has this fancy sword now.  Aragorn seems to know what happened with the Paths of the Dead because when Elrond mentions them he refers to them as cowards and traitors, but it’s Legolas who actually gives the history of it and recites the poem that foretold Aragorn’s coming to recruit the dead to fulfill their broken oath.  This is kind of odd, because Legolas is not really the party member I’d expect to have a deep knowledge of the history of Gondor.  When they get to the Dimholt, Legolas reads “The way is shut.  It was made by those who are dead.  The way is shut.” in some sort of what looks like hieroglyphics above the door, and then their horses get spooked and leave, which was sort of foreshadowed by all of the horses at Dunharrow getting spooked just from being in the general vicinity of the Dimholt.

In the book, when they realize they need to start preparing for war, they all go back to Helm’s Deep first.  On the way, they are met by a bunch of Dunedain on horses, one of which is carrying a gift from Arwen, which is not Anduril, since Aragorn has by this point by carrying Anduril for the past several months, but is instead a standard that is later used to call upon the dead to fulfill their oath.  Elladan and Elrohir, Elrond’s sons, are also with them.  It is at this point that the Paths of the Dead are mentioned for the first time, and the prophetic poem is recited by Aragorn - it may be that Elrond appearing at Dunharrow was meant to be the movie’s version of this, since it doesn’t really make sense to introduce three new characters (Elladan and Elrohir, plus the guy bearing the standard) who are not really important again in the story.  It’s a little mysterious why these guys are here, though - they claim that a message was delivered to Rivendell saying that Aragorn was in need of his Dunedain friends in Rohan, and they just randomly happened to bump into the group of people containing Aragorn while they were looking for Rohan (they did not even know they had found Rohan until Theoden confirmed that yes, this is Rohan).  It’s not clear who sent this message.  The characters seem to suspect that Galadriel sent it, and somehow read Aragorn’s mind that he wanted them to come when he was in Lothlorien, except when the company was in Lothlorien they were still on a mission of secrecy to destroy the ring, for which thirty guys on horseback is not really useful, and also they were not really headed to Rohan, as opposed to how Aragorn is now in the middle of preparing for a big war, for which thirty guys on horseback is in fact quite useful.  So some sort of other Galadriel magic happened, or something.  I don’t think this is ever actually cleared up.

Anyway, they return to Helm’s Deep and Theoden and Merry do some bonding.  Gandalf had given Aragorn the Palantir after Pippin looked at it, on the basis that Isengard did at one point used to be a vassal of Gondor, so therefore the Palantir at Isengard technically belongs to the king of Gondor, which is Aragorn as far as Gandalf is concerned.  Anyway, while they are at Helm’s Deep, Aragorn looks into the Palantir and reveals himself to Sauron as the heir of Elendil, etc. and while doing this, perceives from Sauron’s mind that the corsairs will be coming from the south during the battle.  I believe Aragorn looks into the Palantir in the movie, but not until the end of the Return of the King, after the major battle has been fought.  The companion notes that this happens on the same night that Frodo and Sam spend climbing Cirith Ungol, where they are detected by the Nazgul in Minas Morgul.  But Sauron is distracted by Aragorn using the Palantir and doesn’t respond to the Nazgul reporting this, which allows Frodo and Sam to escape without alerting Sauron.  Anyway, after this, Theoden decides to travel to Edoras via hidden mountain roads that go through Dunharrow, and muster the troops there.  But Gandalf, who left already, has figured out that the muster needs to happen sooner, so on his way to Gondor he sends all of the Rohirrim to muster at Dunharrow, and they are all there to meet Theoden when he arrives.  Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and the Dunedain (+Elladan and Elrohir) see everyone off, have a discussion, and decide that they need to travel to Dunharrow as quickly as possible and then take the Paths of the Dead.  They actually beat Theoden there by a day, because they are not going through the mountains.

At Dunharrow is Eowyn, who has (in the book) been out of the action for some time now.  When Aragorn arrives, she begs him to take her with him, as she wants to do important things and be part of the story and also be close to Aragorn while doing it, etc., and she’s been sort of shunted off for a while now.  Book!Eowyn honestly has a lot more reason to think she’s been locked in a cage than movie!Eowyn, who went to Helm’s Deep and I believe was by Theoden’s side for most of this part of the plot.  The movie is much more direct about Aragorn rejecting her, but he also lets her down softer.  The book does something that I’m sure no modern English speaker would immediately understand unless they’ve been immersed in older varieties of English, where Eowyn uses thou/thee (familiar “you”) to address Aragorn while Aragorn uses you (formal “you”) to address Eowyn, reflecting their differing opinions about the intimacy of their relationship.

When they get to the Dimholt, the horses do not bolt - the Dunedain’s horses are said to love their masters so much that they are willing to go in with them, and the one Rohan horse, the one that Legolas and Gimli are riding, is calmed by Legolas’s magic elf powers.  This is important, because in the book, they actually do need the horses to get where they’re going after they leave the Paths of the Dead - in the movie the Paths of the Dead let out right where the corsairs are docking, really convenient.  “The way is shut...” does not appear at this point in the book - it’s part of a story that Theoden tells about some of his ancestors who poked around up there when he later hears that Aragorn has gone that way.  Also, this part of the story is told from Gimli’s perspective - the companion points out that the viewpoint character is always a hobbit when hobbits are present, but since no hobbits are present here it uses Gimli instead.  This fits with Gimli being the junior member of this particular group.  This is relevant because Gimli cannot actually see the ghosts, he only feels intense fear and horror in proximity to the ghosts and thus guesses that they are there.  Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir can all see the ghosts and describe them to Gimli, it’s not clear whether or not Aragorn and the Dunedain, who are of “pure” Numenorean blood, can see them or not.  They actually find the skeleton of the ancestor from Theoden’s story, who eventually went into the Dimholt and was never seen again, which is kind of cool.  Aragorn only mentions off-hand that he can hold the ghosts’ oath fulfilled when he is in the Paths - he then leads the ghosts out of the Paths and up to the rock that Isildur actually used to curse them in order to officially call on them to fulfill their oaths.  Meanwhile the people in the nearby town sense the ghosts and react sort of like the people in Corpse Bride initially reacted.

An interesting bit of history about the ghosts that isn’t present in the movie is that the reason why they didn’t come when called to war against Sauron the first time wasn’t so much because they were cowards as that they had been worshipping Sauron in the intervening time between then and when they had made the oath.  So they had actually changed sides, and apparently there are temples dedicated to Sauron in the Paths of the Dead that Aragorn, etc. did not explore.

[consortofkings]

‘THE HOBBIT’ FIC RECOMMENDATIONS - My Personal Favorites

I couldn’t think of a way to better enjoy Hobbit Day than to pay a little tribute to just a small sample of some of the amazing stories this fandom is lucky enough to be gifted with. There are many fics I’ve left out and will be adding to this list many times over before I’m done with it. Please feel free to let me know of any of your favorites that you think I might’ve missed as well!

It would not be impertinent to say this is less of fic rec post and more a love letter to this fandom.

NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY by perkynurples

Summary: Bilbo Baggins led a rather peaceful life, thank you very much, until an old acquaintance decided to turn it upside down, and he found himself agreeing to take a job that’s… let’s say not exactly up his alley, and might eventually cost him a little more than his treasured cozy lifestyle. Who would have thought tutoring a slightly menacing monarch’s more than slightly overbearing nephew could prove to be such an adventure? Bagginshield. Modern AU. King and I overtones. Novel-Length.

Thoughts: This was either the second or third Hobbit fic I ever read, and I honestly couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve re-read it. It was the first fic I ever added to my ebook reader just so I could read it whenever I wanted, and honestly, I could write an essay. The world building, the character study, the plot: it’s out of this world. I’ve read published novels that only had me a quarter as impressed as this story, and I wish I could pay money for it because I would buy multiple copies.

THE NAMING OF HOBBITS by Margo_Kim

Summary:  There's a certain point where you can no longer ask someone what their name is. Thorin isn't sure exactly when that point is, but he knows that it's probably some time before the person in question saves your life. On the far side of the Misty Mountains, Thorin realizes that he never quite caught the first part of Mr. Baggins' name, and he finds that it's astonishingly harder to learn than he would have thought. Fili, Kili, and Dwalin are no help whatsoever. Bagginshield. Humor.

Thoughts: This is not a long drawn out romance, but rather a short humorous getting together story and honest to god it is unfathomable how many times I have read and re-read it at this point. I could almost quote it word for word.

THE ROAD DELIVERED US HOME by  keelywolfe

Summary: In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End. He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him. Bagginshield. Cannon-ish compliant. Shire courting.

Thoughts: One of the first Bagginshield fics I ever read and most definitely one of the first to make me fall in love with the pairing. A tinge of angst sprinkled upon piles and piles of fluffiness like you’ve never seen before. The pining is above and beyond and the conclusion is so satisfying it’ll leave you feeling smug for days afterward.  

A MOST SENSIBLE IDEA by HildyJ

Summary: Bilbo Baggins isn't sure about this. Not one bit.

Frodo is definitely too young to enter into an arranged marriage with a dwarven king called Thorin Oakenshield. It's a good thing that Bilbo is there to chaperone him through their courtship.

After all, there's no chance that a fussy hobbit bachelor would ever catch the eye of a king. Bagginshield. AU. Erebor Courting.

Thoughts: In my slightly snobby opinion, very few Bagginshield fics get Frodo right. This is not one of those stories. The juxtaposition of Thorin and Frodo’s relationship with Thorin and Bilbo’s is fantastic, and the way they just can’t not be intrigued with each other makes this one of my favorite Bagginshield stories.

MY FAIR HOBBIT by Erinye

Summary: Take a dragon and get rid of it, take a Kingdom under the Mountain and let it thrive under Thráin’s rule, take the King’s eldest son - as proud and arrogant as you can picture him - and then send him to the Shire in order to refine his diplomatic skills. Or, as his sister puts it: to grow them at last. Now, throw in the Master of Bag End playing host for the dwarf prince: you’ll get a clash of cultures, an ill-advised bet about educating a certain hobbit in the dwarf-lore, and all the pride and prejudice business you could hope for, plus Khuzdul.

A retelling inspired by My Fair Lady. Bagginshield. AU. Shire & Erebor love. Novel length.

Thoughts: Thorin is such a shit in this story, and you can’t help but love him. The way they come together is slow and fraught but so believable and it romances me every time I re-read it. Great story to read if you love fleshed out characters who you want to hit over the head and smoosh their faces together at the same time.

UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED by  mortuus_lingua

Summary: "My dear Mr. Baggins," she replied, "how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of one of these unmarried king or princes marrying at least one of our Bagginses, and why not my Bilbo? He’s the prime of the lot."Smaug is defeated without the recruitment of a burglar, and several delegations, including one from the Shire, are invited to Thorin's public, official coronation. Bilbo, scribe, and bachelor, travel to Erebor with fourteen other Hobbits, embarking on an adventure that will change not only his destiny but those of many in Middle-earth. Or, the attempted Hobbit / Pride and Prejudice mashup that nobody asked for. Not to worry, knowledge of the plot of Pride and Prejudice is not necessary to understand this story. Bagginshield. AU. Courting Fic. Erebor Courting Fic. Lots of Hobbits.

Thoughts: I was very leery of this fic at first because I thought it might be just a standard Pride and Prejudice remake. To paraphrase a certain dwarf, I had never been so wrong in all my life. It blends the Regency life so well with the world of Tolkien that I was swooning. It seems to hit every single one of my favorite tropes of the bagginshield fandom (Bamf!Bilbo, enemiesToFriends, fleshed out OC’s, and MadBofurRespect, etc) but in a new and lovely light. It’s very Hobbit dense as well, which was refreshing and fun to read. I just can’t recommend this story enough.

COMES AROUND AGAIN by scarletjedi

Summary: Gimli closes his eyes, an old Dwarf on the brink of death in the home he had built with his husband in the Undying Lands, and opens them again as a young Dwarf in his childhood home in Ered Luin. He's returned to the tumultuous week before The Company set out to recruit their Burglar from his cosy hobbit hole. Gimli, once again an impetuous teen in the eyes of his family, must get into that Company--the lives of his loved ones, and the very fate of Middle Earth--depends on it. Gimli/Legolas. Bilbo/Thorin. TimeTravel-fix it.

Thoughts: I’m a big sucker for retellings of cannon, and this one is just lovely. I’m always leery of established relationship tags, but this story does the pining so well it feels like you get both for the price of one. Scarletjedi is also one of those authors who I would recommend reading through their entire catalog as well because there is not a dud amongst them.

A REMOVER OF OBSTACLES by MistakenMagic

Summary:  "Dis often chided her older brother for being a misanthropist. She did it so often it had become a term of endearment. It was true that Thorin struggled with people; he struggled to form and maintain relationships. Dr. Grey had diagnosed him with this and Thorin hadn’t the heart to tell him this wasn’t a symptom of his PTSD, it was a symptom of his personality. He exercised a sense of apathy with almost everyone he met… But Bilbo was different. Thorin actually found himself wanting to know more about him." Bagginshield. Novel Length 300k+. Modern AU.

Thoughts: A long story, that is going take up a week or two of your life, beat you up and wring you out, and you’re going to enjoy every minute of it.

A PASSION FOR MUSHROOMS by Chrononautical

Summary: There are many trials for a hobbit attempting to make a life among dwarves. A hobbit wants a garden. A hobbit wants to eat regular meals. A hobbit wants friends, good books, and comfortable chairs. Bilbo does his best to carve out a little hobbit life for himself in the mountain. If only there were not one final obstacle. For a hobbit heart wants love, and among dwarves that is a sticky subject. Bagginshield. Post BOFTA-fix it. Erebor Courting.

Thoughts: Oblivious pining idiots? Misunderstood courting? A fleshed out post-Bofta Erebor? Mushrooms?? What more could you want?

OAK AND MISTLETOE by HildyJ

Summary: After a life dominated by a strange form of sickness, Thorin is sent to the Shire to seek a cure only Bilbo Baggins can offer. Bagginshield. AU. Shire.

Thoughts: Pretty much all of HildyJ’s stories are a must read, but ‘Oak and Mistletoe’ remains’ my favorite. It’s a perfect rainy day read, that I’ve read so many times it’s become almost a habit. It’s a very deep character study into both Bilbo and Thorin and it’s impossible to not fall in love with both of them each time I read it.

SECOND CHANCES by authoressjean

Summary: Sebastian Moran can't pull the trigger on John Watson to save his own hide, and what the hell is it with the doctor, anyway? Then Gandalf shows up, meddlesome wizard, and reminds him none too gently of his past life: as Thorin Oakenshield, leader of a company that had once included a small hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. One that looked decidedly like John Watson. And this would be the perfect chance to make things right with Bilbo the way he really hadn't been able to before he died, and that's when Gandalf tells him John doesn't remember being Bilbo, and to leave him alone.

Right. Like that's going to happen. Bagginshield. Modern AU/Sherlock crossover.

Thoughts: I’ve never in all my 15+ years of fandom, ever, enjoyed crossover fics. It’s just not my bag. Which is why my love of this story completely caught me off guard. Even if you’re like me and you can’t stand the thought of it, I still recommend you give this a shot.

BURNED TO CINDER by  ferretbaby

Summary:  A Cinderella-esque AU. Bilbo, a lonely hobbit of the Shire in the valley outside Erebor, gets a job as a cook in the dwarf kingdom to pass the time and keep himself occupied after his mother’s death. One day he meets a regal dwarf, who he thinks is a thief and trespasser, and throws an apple at his head, never knowing he’s just assaulted the dwarven Prince. Thus begins the antagonistic and somewhat odd courtship of a hobbit and the next King of Erebor. Bagginshield. Cinderella AU. Erebor & Shire courting. Hidden Identity.

Thoughts: Unf. Just a superbly fun little AU that cannot be skipped over. The last chapter is missing but you really don’t need it to still feel satisfied at the ending. Has some extremely hot moments and some extremely lovely ones as well. Thorin is an absolute cad, but he eventually comes into his own.

AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT by Wizards_Pupil

Summary: ““This is a trinket I was given at your birth. I have never shown you it as the time was not right before now.” Thrain opened his palm to reveal a golden band. It was smoothed by touch and unadorned. Not spectacular, but Thrain would hardly hold onto such a trinket if it was not worth something.

“The wizard who gave it to me was quite adamant that you should have it when you were of age.” The king held it out to Thorin. The metal was cool to the touch, but quickly warmed up in the heat of his hand. He ran his fingers along it and nearly shuddered. He could feel it throbbing, nearly vibrating with a strange sort of energy.

“This ring is not meant for you to wear, of course. It is too small for you. This ring is made to fit only the person that will be your Sanzeuh. You have thirty days in which to find him.”Thirty days. Thirty days to find something as ridiculous as true love, or he'd have to marry a beardless, nagging dwarrowdame. Thorin Oakenshield didn't think it could happen.

And then Bilbo Baggins popped into his life. Though, Thorin could have done without the cats, shoes, and girly bits. Still, the course of true love never has run smooth. And the peppers were delightful.” Bagginshield. AU. Erebor Courting.

Thoughts: Such a fantastic courting story. I’m always initially leery of AU’s but this keeps them so close to their actual personalities to make it exciting and new while still letting you bask in their familiarness. It’s such an original idea touching so close to the tip of so many other cliche’s while missing them enough to be something totally new on it’s own. Not to mention, Bilbo’s and Thorin’s flirting is top notch in this. Can’t recommend enough!

THE DEEPEST SECRET by Wizards_Pupil

Summary: Bilbo Baggins was a desperate Hobbit.

Well, he was several things. Short, funny, hungry, and tired for starts. Desperate was at the forefront of his mind at the moment.

He would never be at Oakenshield Manor otherwise. Still, they needed a gardener, and as much as he didn'tknow about dwarves, he did know about plants.

Bilbo expected it to be difficult. Dwarves were hardly known to be the most accepting and open of races after all. He expected the garden to be in terrible shape, the dwarves to be loud, and secretive.

He could never have expected Thorin. Bagginshield. AU.

Thoughts: While the author has stated that this was not specifically a Jane eyre-Au it definitely has a similar feel. It’s just as haunting and just as lovely. There are constant surprises to keep you on your toes, and Thorin and Bilbo are both absolutely delicious in this. I’ve re-read it an untold amount of times.

LOVE-IN-IDLENESS by perkynurples

Summary:  Taking Bilbo Baggins, a successful movie actor who is only just getting used to the perks and intricacies of becoming A Face People Want To See, and putting him together with Thorin Oakenshield, with his very traditional (read: slightly backwards) ideas about what constitutes Real Art and Real Talent, might very well be viewed as just some clothead’s idea of a joke. But there are jokes, and then there are carefully calculated risks the size of controversial reproductions of classic Shakespearean plays - for Bilbo, it is the chance of a lifetime to prove himself to all those who have ever deemed him too one-dimensional to even attempt stage, while Thorin has the opportunity to get out of the rut that’s been hindering his career for so long now, and shine in a role worthy of his talent once again. That is if the two learn how to share the same space for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear each other’s hair out. The course of true love never did run smooth, after all… Bagginshield. Modern Au. Novel Length.

Thoughts: I feel like every fandom in the world has that one Modern AU that boils down that pairing to its very essence and then wraps it up into an entirely new package and delivers it gift wrapped to you. This is that story. It has nothing to do with Tolkein’s world, but instead gives you an entirely new plot set in the real relatable world. Still, the characters, their motivations, and even the plot are so close to the real story that it feels like an honor getting to read it.

A DRAGON’S TALE by vtforpedro

Summary: Bilbo Baggins has been a hobbit for many long years and he should very much like to keep it that way, thank you very much.

An old friend drops by Bag End with the offer of an adventure and despite Bilbo's refusal, the idea of only thirteen dwarves and a wizard facing a dragon may just convince him yet. After all, he has experience with the Great Dragons of the North. Once upon a time, he was one. Bagginshield. AU. BilboIsADragon!

Thoughts: First Dragon!Bilbo story and still one that I re-read again and again.

TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF THE FUTURE by authoressjean

Summary: "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel

In an attempt to get the Arkenstone back for Thorin, Bilbo discovers the ring he's been using is the One Ring. Seized by a need to destroy gold, especially gold with the ability to ensnare creature and king alike, he sets out alone for Mordor. Anything to forget about the love that gold cost him. What he doesn't know is that Thorin is no longer under the thrall of gold, and is desperately racing to catch up with him to keep him safe. They may have just started on another adventure, but this one may not end as well as their first quest. Bagginshield. Post Bofta-Fix it. Lotr re-imagining. Novel Length.

Thoughts: These boys break my heart in this story with their palpable pining, but it’s so worth it to see their romance drawn out from the small words of Erebor and the Shire and basically become this grand epic love story that spreads all across Middle Earth.

THE RIVEN CROWN by The_Kingmaker

Summary: ‘We may have won the battle, but I fear the war with winter is just beginning.’

The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honored, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place.

Then there is the matter of the gold...

Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?  Bagginshield. Post-BOFTA. FakeMarriage. Novel Length.

Thoughts: This story really hits all my spots.  Pretend Marriage, politics, in-depth story, oblivious and pining idiots. It’s my go-to read after finishing BOFTA to help heal the suffering and give me hope. I love the way they fully utilize the entire cannon world to tell a truly epic romance. Please read this if you get a chance.

LAY YOUR TROUBLES DOWN by Avelera

Summary:  An extended version of "the acorn scene." Bilbo sees his chance to snap Thorin out of his madness, and takes it. Bagginshield. BOFTA-fix it.

Thoughts: This was one of the most emotional porns I’ve ever read and I loved every second of it.

SOMETHING BLUE by Lapin

Summary:  Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things. Bagginshield. Post-Bofta. Pretend Marriage.

Thoughts: Short read and an absolute classic that’s undoubtedly included on every rec list, but I couldn’t not include it. The obliviousness and mutual pining are so delicious you could put in a plate and charge $100 to eat it, and you wouldn’t regret it a bit.

KING, COME RED AT MORNING by Tawabids

Summary: Bilbo has heard fairytales of the lost prince of the dwarves, Thorin son of Thrain, who disappeared the day Smaug attacked the Lonely Mountain. But he does not believe in fairy tales until he comes across the dwarf sleeping in the depths of Erebor, and kisses him back to life.

Now Thorin - a hundred and fifty years out of his time - has to confront a world in which his city is empty, his people scattered, his baby brother Frerin is king, two nephews he's never met are missing in action, and a war is brewing right on his doorstep.

And as if that wasn't complicated enough he's trapped in the body of an old man and falling stupidly in love with a gossipy, grudging little hobbit. Bagginshield. AU. Novel Length. Battle of the Five Armies retelling. Angst.

Thoughts:  I put this one off for a while, but it lived up to every promise that the summary and multiple recs had made for it.  Young Thorin is definitely a joy to read, and both his and Bilbo’s struggles never stop being so very painfully  relatable.   Prepare yourself for the angst though, as it’s almost palpable, but it’s definitely a must read.

PRAYERS TO BROKEN STONE by Avelera

Summary: Twisted by the effects of dragon sickness, Thorin banishes not only Bilbo but the entire company from Erebor. Days pass with no word from their missing leader and, fearing the effects the gold may have on the other dwarves, Bilbo decides to enter the mountain alone in search of Thorin.

What he finds may not be Thorin for much longer.

Or: In which the dragon sickness is slowly transforming Thorin into a dragon, and Bilbo must save him before it is too late. Bagginshield. BOFTA-Fix it. Angst.

Thoughts: This fic was made to hurt me when I need it the most. If I could draw, the cover of this story would just be Thorin stabbing me over and over again in the chest. It also has inspired me so much I ended up writing an entire DnD campaign because of it. Please read it if you have not.

GARDENING by The Feels Whale (miscellea)

Summary: Bilbo Baggins arrived home late one afternoon in the middle of the week and the entire west Farthing is still talking about it.

Poor Mister Baggins. He was doomed to be a nine-days wonder no matter what and is it any wonder after a year-long adventure? Even the Tooks haven’t the influence to hush that up, but Mad Baggins seems to have managed to silence every tongue in the Shire on that subject which would be awe-inspiring ...if not for the way he decided to go about it.

OR: That one where Middle Earth seems to be unclear about where baby Hobbits come from. Bagginshield. M-Preg-ish.

Thoughts: To say that I’m not a fan of M-preg is a bit of an understatement, but the way this story handles it never squicked me out once. It’s heartwarming and angsty all in one and I enjoy it every time I re-read it.

Tamâmebrulu Id-Mudtu (Lullabies of the Heart) by rutobuka

Summary:  As it turns out, even kings catch colds. After the reclamation of Erebor, Thorin finds himself confined to his bed. Luckily, his dear friend Bilbo Baggins is on hand to ensure he complies with Óin's strict orders for rest. (A multi-chapter Bagginshield comic). Bagginshield. Comic.

Thoughts: I doubt there is anyone in the Bagginshield fandom who has not seen ruto’s art or stories, but just in case you need to go check out everything of her’s right the heck now. Her art is basically Bagginshield cannon, and her fem!Bagginshield stories are the best ever written.

OF WARM IMPERMANENCE by Avelera

Summary: Thorin realizes he has gained weight since moving to the Shire, and tries to hide it from Bilbo out of shame and uncertainty of whether it will damage their relationship.Of course Bilbo finds out and, far from disappointed, he’s fairly certain he’s never been so turned on in his life. Bagginshield. Smut. Shire living.

Thoughts: I’m not sure is ruto’s art or this story were the beginning of my obsession with Chubby Thorin, but it definitely had a hand it.

BLESS YOUR SOLES by freakylemurcat

Summary: Feet were sacred to dwarves, and Thorin had always done his best to adhere to the rules and keep his feet to himself. And then comes along Bilbo Baggins with his ever bare feet, and Thorin suddenly finds he can't think of anything else. Bagginshield. Smut.

Thoughts: Just the best little smutty store that we all need but don’t deserve.

LADY IN RED by  windchijmes

Summary: Dwalin and Thorin are traveling together, and they find themselves in a ridiculous situation where Thorin has to disguise himself as a woman at a tavern. The effect is more interesting than they both expect - Thorin is openly leered at and propositioned and he fumes about it, while Dwalin enjoys himself playing the big, bad protector of his lady's innocence. But of course, the tension gets too much, and Dwalin drags Thorin away, hikes up his skirt, and fucks him against a tree. Thwalin. Pre-Journey. Smut.

Thoughts: Lovely little Thwalin smut fic that I can’t get enough of. Short, less than 10k, but I bookmarked for a damn good reason, and that reason is that it’s HOT and you should definitely give it a read.

THE EMPTY BELLIES DINING SOCIETY by sam_ptarmigan

Summary: Bilbo and Dwalin have two things in common: an appreciation for good meals and a case of unrequited love for a certain oblivious king. The only sensible thing to do is form a supper club. Bilbo/Thorin/Dwalin. Short.

Thoughts: After reading a thousand bagginshield fics there was nothing that I craved more than a good, solid, OT3 fics with these three and this one always hits the spot. The pining is on point, and Dwalin is so fantastically done. Even if you’re leary of reading an OT3 you should still give this bad boy a chance. And then hopefully you’ll fall in love with this pairing and write it because good god I need some more of it.

SMELL THE SEA AND FEEL THE SKY by Thorinsmut

Summary: Captain Dwalin - a privateer for the Crown - is in love with beautiful, sweet, innocent Lady Norine.

His main rival (whom he is most definitely not in lust with) is the cockiest little man he ever met - Captain Vulpes, a pirate with a fast mongrel of a ship and a bad habit of stealing his targets out from under his nose

....it's going to take him a while to realize they're the same genderfluid person.

Thoughts: If this story doesn’t make you fall in love Nori/Dwalin, you’re just absolutely doing something wrong with your life.

LITTLE INDULGENCES by sam_ptarmigan

Summary:  Dwalin is not entirely certain how he ended up propped up against a tree with his trousers down and Dori kneeling in front of him, but he's pretty sure good things are about to happen. Dwalin/Dori. SMUT

Thoughts: To call this a rare-pair is pretty self-evident but the porn is 11/10 and deserves to be read by everybody.

AND OF COURSE...

SANSUKH by determamfidd

Summary: The battle was over, and Thorin Oakenshield awoke, naked and shivering, in the Halls of his Ancestors. The novelty of being dead fades quickly, and watching over his companions soon fills him with grief and guilt. Oddly, a faint flicker of hope arises in the form of his youngest kinsman, a Dwarf of Durin's line with bright red hair. (Follows the story of the War of the Ring). Bagginshield. Gigolas. Cannon Compliant. LOTR retelling. 500k+. Not finished.

Thoughts: I don’t know what I could say about Sansukh that hasn’t been said a million times before but I just can’t repeat enough how much this story needs to be read. I know that seeing 500K words and WIP is going to scare a lot of people off - as it did me for a long time - but you’re just gonna have to put on your big girl panties and dive on in anyway and you will not regret a second of it. It will honestly raise your standard of what you think fanfiction can be for the rest of your life and this is not a bad thing. If you’re still not convinced, here’s a very impassioned post that will help give you that final push: here.

[lokidiabolus]

Oh man, I don't even know if you're still taking prompts for the challenge, but here goes my contribution: "You have one hour. Go."

I used the sentence at the end though, I hope it’s alright ^^

Ao3 version.

“Thomas, this is Newton.”

Newt sort of expected this type, tobe completely honest. Maybe a little more buffed, or with slightly differenthairstyle you had seen on about every other jock boy at school that remindedyou of a parrot, but the result was more or less the same – a boy about thesame height as Newt, but wider in shoulders and build, with big, brown eyes andmessy brown hair, and with an annoyed look in his face that was completelyexpected and basically identical to any other slacker Newt had to tutor.

They were all the same, when Newtthought about it. Either living a partying life where staying at home equalleda sin for them and not able to keep it social a torture, or jock types thatjust had to do their daily dose oftestosterone sports to feel manly enough, drank protein shakes and loved technomusic, therefore not having enough time for studying – or brain capacity onthat matter (Newt blamed the techno music – loud enough it definitely had tokill some braincells).

“Um,” the boy let out and criticallylooked Newt over, like he was analysing him. Newt didn’t need to guess what hewas thinking right now, it perfectly showed on his unhappy face. “Hey. Iguess.”

“I had about three days in a week inmind, minus the weekends, one to three hours per day,” the boy’s mother said andNewt was kind of glad she gave him a reason why to stop watching this guy’s distastefor a moment. His mother seemed like a strict type, but she probably shouldhave whipped him to obedience a little sooner than when it was practically toolate with all the failed subjects. “It depends on your schedule, mostly. And Iguess on Thomas’ progress as well.”

“It’s fine by me,” Newt shrugged. Itwas about the same as everybody. “I may have a little irregular hours schedulethough, if it’s not a problem.”

“Not at all,” Thomas’ mother assuredhim and glanced at her son like an executioner. It was roughly translated to you fuck this up and you’re dead and Newtkind of found this equally hilarious and sad – if she needed to look at himthat way, then it meant Newt was going to have a hard time with him. “He’sgrounded anyway, so he has all afternoons free.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, butthankfully didn’t say anything else and Newt was grateful.

***

Thomas wasn’t a jock, and probablynot exactly a partying type either. He did go out a lot though and apparentlyfound school too boring to bother doing anything else than sit there and yawn. Hewas one year older than Newt and it probably made him pissier that he was goingto be tutored by a 17years old who knew more than him. Maybe that was also whywhen Newt asked him about the subjects he was failing the most, he dumped thewhole content on his bag on the table, probably in revenge.

“Aren’t you a little too young fortutoring?” Thomas uttered when Newt ordered him to sit at his desk, not reallyknowing where to start. He was a damn case of a lost soul and Newt had afeeling he was going to spend a bit too long here for his comfort. His tutoringusually consisted of few months before big exams, but with Thomas it didn’tlook very black and white, more like with too much grey in between.

“Aren’t you a little old for not understandingwhat equals one and one?” he shot back and when Thomas opened his mouth tocounter with something, New crossed his arms on his chest. “If you play ittough and refuse to learn anything, you’ll never get out of here, because yourparents won’t let ya. So either cooperate or say bye bye to freedom.”

Thomas visibly deflated like aballoon and Newt counted it as a win.

***

“Does anybody call you Newt?”

Newt raised an eyebrow and glancedup from homework he had to do while he bestowed a history article on Thomas toread so he could give him a test later. It had been reasonably peaceful untilnow (for about fifteen minutes, which was a success, Thomas usually started tobe restless after five minutes of silence), but it apparently bored Thomas outof his mind already. Newt didn’t have too high hopes for the boy to rememberanything too clearly, since he usually just blurted something out that wasn’teven related to what Newton asked, probably out of spite.

“You’re supposed to read thearticle,” he uttered icily. He had homework due tomorrow and with today’sschedule he simply didn’t have when todo finish it, so he hadto sacrifice at least half an hour of tutoring time to get Thomas bend toself-studying.

“I’m reading. It’s a special case ofboring,” Thomas drawled. “So, doesanybody call you Newt?”

“You’re allowed to ask questionsabout the article only,” the blondshot back. “Any other questions are bothering me.”

“Pretty sure there is somebodycalling you Newt,” Thomas didn’t let himself to be bothered by Newt’s attitude,as always, and pushed the book away while staring at him like he wanted tosolve him somehow.

“Read.”

“After you answer my question,”Thomas opposed.

“You didn’t do anything for thewhole day and you want a reward? That’s not how it works,” the blond glanced upat him from under his fringe and his eyes were piercing. He just needed alittle more time, for fuck’s sake. This guy was a torture.

“I only asked about your name,”Thomas shrugged. “How’s that a reward?”

“Something you want is considered a reward,” Newt stated simply and scribbled aresult of one of the exercises. With the amount of disturbances today he wasn’tentirely sure it was right, but at least there was something and he tried. “Therefore for a reward there has to be aquest done.”

“God, you talk like Gandalf,” Thomasgave up and pulled the book back with a heavy sigh.

“Well, at least you read something,”Newt commented with a snort and Thomas only rolled his eyes and looked like hewas willing to stay quiet for a bit longer.

It took another twenty minutes untilNewt was actually done with his own homework and put it away while lookingexpectantly at Thomas’ book. It was a fairly long article, he had to admit, butprobably not as long as the time hegave Thomas to read it. He must have gone through it several times in that case– or maybe he simply ignored it until Newt was done.

“So during which years the civil warlasted?” he asked while fishing his bag for the test he managed to get made andprint it at school. Giving it Thomas with his own handwriting wouldn’t reallyprove helpful, since rarely anybody could read it after him.

“I dunno, from what century areyou?” Thomas shrugged and Newt rolled his eyes. “Gee, like 1861 to 1865 orsomethin’?”

“You’re going to be a hard work,”Newt mumbled more to himself than to Thomas, but nodded anyway. “What about thepresidential election? Who led the Republicans and when?”

“Lincoln,” Thomas answered with asigh. “1860.”

Newt nodded again and handed him thetest. It proved better for Thomas to answer right than when he asked verbally,because at that point Thomas simply made something up to vex him.

“My friends call me Newt,” he saidsimply. After all he earned the answer. “My family sticks to Newton.”

“Oh,” Thomas blinked in an evidentsurprise. “’kay.”

Newt didn’t really say anything elseuntil Thomas was done with the test.

He got an A.

***

“Are you always creeping in therooms of people you’re tutoring like that?”

It was Friday and Newt was tired. Heskipped the last lesson at school because he had too much to do and too littletime with today’s tutoring day as well. He managed to arrive sooner than Thomasthough and his mother let him in to wait in Thomas’ room in meantime, which inretrospect probably seemed a little weird.

“I usually wait for them to inviteme, but you’re a special case, so I skipped the pleasantries,” Newt offeredwithout hesitation and glanced at his watch. “Not to mention you’re lateanyway. I was here on time.”

Thomas shrugged and threw his bag tothe corner as he did every day and Newt was starting to get used to it. Thewall already looked like it lived through it for some years anyway, so itapparently wasn’t a fleeting occurrence or an anger part on Thomas’ side forthe tutoring punishment.

“How did the test go?” he tilted his head tothe side and Thomas stopped mid-move like it just occurred to him. He turnedaround and walked back to the bag and took out the paper with a nice, red A onit. He only made the paper a little more presentable from the state it was inand handed it to his tutor without a word.

“Not bad,” Newt spoke up afterseveral seconds of reading and his lips curled up in a smile. There werequestions Newt didn’t even go through with him and yet he got them rightwithout a problem, which proved he wasn’t stupid at all. “You’re actuallypretty smart, aren’t you? Why the bad grades when you know what’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Thomas mumbled andtossed his bag back to the corner. “I don’t like studying.”

He circled the table and crashed onhis bed and it looked like he was in a pretty bad mood.

“You study nicely,” Newt opposed,glancing at him from the paper. “An hour on Wednesday and you got the test onA, so what’s the problem? Lazy?”

“I guess,” Thomas shrugged.

“Maybe motivation would be inorder,” the blond offered, putting the test on the desk. He usually did thatwith students that were really trying hard to get better, because motivationwas always the best thing to reach the right result, and even though Thomasusually seemed like studying physically pained him, he did get an A on the test today.

“Maybe,” Thomas said shortly, watchingNewt intently. There was something calculating in his stare and before Newtcould come up with the right offer that could actually interest a guy likeThomas, the brunet leaned back in his bed and smirked. “How about a kiss?”

“I’m sorry?” Newt blinked. Surely heheard wrong?

“A kiss,” Thomas repeated calmly.“So I have something to look forward to after a day of school and another dose of boring here that,quite frankly, is slowly killing me.”

“That’syour motivation?” Newt pinched the bridge of his nose. Why did he offer it inthe first place? He should have known Thomas would try to make fun of himsomehow.

“Yep,” the brunet didn’t lookapologetic at all and Newt still waited for him to start laughing and maybe pullout a camera to snap a photo of his shocked face, but he just sat there andsmiled like he swallowed a canary. “You said it’s in order, so I’m telling youwhat I want in exchange.”

He didn’t look like the type, Newtmused. Why the hell would he even askabout something like that?

“Do I look like a kissing booth toyou?” he sighed in defeat, because sometimes it was really difficult to winagainst guys like Thomas. He could always tell his mother, of course, but thatwas low even for him.

“No, the price tag is missing,”Thomas opposed simply. “But you do look kinda kissable, just sayin’.”

“I can’t believe you even have theaudacity to ask about such stupid thing,” Newt shook his head. “Think again.”

“You’re no fun,” Thomas faked adramatic sigh and plopped back on the bed.

Newt was really, really having a badday.

***

“Do you even like kissing?”

Newt actually stopped writing andlooked at Thomas as if he grew another head. It was Monday and Newt all butforgot about Thomas’ weird-ass proposition from Friday over the weekend, justso it could bite him in the ass today.

“Why do you ask?” Newt inquiredrather unhappily, even though he knew he was not going to like the answer.

“I wanna know more about you,”Thomas shrugged like it was no big deal and Newt wanted to hit him withsomething heavy over the head. Maybe it would light up some synapses, finally.

“Cuz my opinion on kissing is vitalinformation,” Newt frowned and Thomas had the nerve to nod in agreement.

“Well, I wanna know.”

“I don’t mind it, I guess,” Newtuttered. It wasn’t like he had a huge experience in that field – he kissed fewpeople, yes, but it wasn’t anything special. He didn’t dislike it but he alsowasn’t a fanboy of it either. It was kind of… meh.

“With or without tongue?” anotherquestion and Newt banged his head against the table in frustration. Whobestowed him with such aggravating pupil? Was it a punishment from above?

“Seriously, why are you asking such stupid questions?”

“To stay motivated,” Thomas pointedat the test Newt had been correcting. “I’ll need the knowledge soon.”

“Wha-,”

“Would be a faux pas if you actuallyfancied French kissing more than normal one, you see,” Thomas grinned anddidn’t look that surprised when Newtthrew the pen at him. Too bad it didn’t leave permanent consequences.

***

“Are you a virgin?”

“An Aries,” Newt countered withoutmissing a beat and Thomas snorted.

Not again.

“Single?” he didn’t give up thoughand Newt gripped the pen he was correcting the test with tighter.

“Yes,” he bit out. This guy kept itup for a week already, and eachquestion was more embarrassing than the previous one.

“How so? No girl for tutoring whowould catch your eye?” Thomas leaned back in his chair and Newt let out asuffering sigh. “Or a boy. I don’t judge.”

“Unfortunately I tutor only the dumbones and they don’t exactly hold much of an appeal,” Newt glared at him withfrom his spot. “Like you, for example.”

“Ouch.”

“Your score is 40 %,” Newt scribbledthe mark on the paper and pushed it back towards Thomas. “Care to explain?”

“I’m not motivated,” Thomas shruggedwithout even looking at the test. Newt was pretty sure he got it wrong onpurpose and it was making his blood boil. He was gathering the tests forThomas’ mother, as a proof of her son’s progress, and as good as the first oneswere, the last ones during this week were getting worse and worse, and for apetty reason on top of that. “It had been a week and I still didn’t get mykiss, what do you expect? I had been working hard without a reward, and I’m fedup already.”

“Bloody hell, Thomas,” Newt groanedand rubbed his eyes. “How long are you going to keep this up? It’s not a game.You’re studying for yourself, not for me.”

“A kiss or we’re done talking,”Thomas replied stubbornly and Newt wanted to strangle him. What the hell washis aim? He seriously waited for Newt to agree so he could make a video aboutit or why the bloody hell would he want that?

“You’re insane.”

“Well, that wasn’t a no,” Thomas commented and stood up, justso he could flop down in front of Newt who was sitting on the floor. “Not goingto bite, I swear.”

Newt could only stare – this guycouldn’t be serious, could he? He definitely meant this as a way of teasing,because otherwise there simply wasn’t even a tiniest sense to it. But whenThomas’ hands fell on Newt’s thighs to pull him closer, the blond realized thiswas not just for a show. He wasreally going to do it.

“I told you I’m not here to do youany pleasantries,” he blurted out when Thomas started to lean in, and at leastit halted the approach a little.

“You’re motivating me,” Thomas opposed with a shrug and grabbed him tighterso he could pull him closer. Newt’s hands immediately flew up towards hischest, pushing against it. “That’s different.”

“Are you out of your mind?!”

“Nah, not yet,” the brunet respondedand one of his hands changed the location, so he could hold back of Newt’shead. His touch was surprisingly gentle and if Newt really wanted, he could getaway easily. “Getting my reward now.”

Newt was probably too stunned toreact properly, and his half-hearted defence was so lame even he had to admitit didn’t look very refusing, so when Thomas actually did press his lipsagainst his, he remained stiffly on the spot.

It wasn’t anything big or mindblowing, really. Maybe more like a peck, soft and not even forceful and beforeNewt could actually analyse the situation, it was already over and Thomas waspulling away with a blank expression, only silently watching the blond fromunder long, black eyelashes (Newt never noticed he actually had really niceeyes, which was obviously not good tothink right bloody now!).

“Oh look,” the brunet said lazily.“You’re still alive.”

Newt stared dumbly without any wordscoming to him, and when Thomas disentangled them and reached for the test hefilled today, he took the liberty and let out the breath he didn’t know he washolding.

Ten minutes of Thomas’ work laterand one more Newt’s correction after the test’s mark changed to B+.

***

“Focus.”

“My head hurts.”

“My condolences, now focus.”

Thomas groaned but actually lookedlike he focused back at the math problem as he should have. He had been terriblyrestless from the first hello today and it slowly flooded Newt’s mind as well.

“Can we leave it for tomorrow?”

“No, you have a test tomorrow,” Newtrefused sternly and Thomas clicked his pen several times with a sufferingexpression.

“I don’t want to do anything,” hemumbled. “I feel like shit and this is not going anywhere.”

“Thomas, please be a good boy andsolve at least this one problem, so I don’t need to worry about you fucking itup tomorrow,” Newt sighed tiredly. He too was not in the mood for math,especially not for equations and all the rubbish around it, but Thomas’ exam wasscheduled for tomorrow and they knew about it since Monday, so no matter howThomas struggled to delay it, Newt was not letting him. Not to mention the motivation system Thomas decided toestablish was officially on, and as much as the first Friday reward wasbasically a peck with nothing to be worried about, the Monday one actually gotlonger and little surer and Newt realized that even though it was stupid andprobably with a really bad intent behind it that was going to bite him in theass in the end, it kept Thomas on the track. Most of the tests Newt gave himafter a lecture were getting good results, and if not, it was in fact becauseThomas didn’t properly understand it. At that point at least Newt found outwhat they needed to focus on without his pupil playing the lazy card.

Thomas made a disagreeing noise, butactually did what he was asked to do and started writing, then crossed it outand started anew.

“Do you need me to explain itagain?” Newt asked while watching him struggling and Thomas shook his head.

“I get it,” he grumbled, visiblyaggravated. “I just can’t concentrate.”

“Take a break then,” Newt took thepen out of his hand and Thomas let out a long sigh. “Maybe go take a pill orsomething, if your head hurts?”

“I’ll sleep it off,” the brunetshrugged and dragged himself up and on the bed. “It had been a long fuckingday, I’m just tired.”

“You’re going to sleep now?” Newt turned to him with wide eyes;because really, he was paid forspending time here and Thomas wanted waste it while taking a nap? If his motherknew she would probably rage like a nine headed dragon.

“A lil nap,” Thomas mumbled whilecurling on the mattress. “Wanna join me?”

“Not at all,” Newt rolled his eyesand pulled his bag closer to him so he could take out his own work. He planneddoing his stuff in the evening, but since the opportunity presented itself, hewasn’t going to waste it. “I have a work to do anyway.”

“Spoilsport,” Thomas chuckledsleepily and before Newt could actually react, he was out cold.

***

It was a gentle tugging on his hairthat brought him back from the focused reading, and for a second he wasn’t surewhat was happening until he realized he had been propped against the side ofthe bed and Thomas just woke up.

“You’ve really nice hair,” thebrunet said while raking his hand through it and Newt let out a small sigh. Heseriously couldn’t read this guy – demanding kisses and petting him like a dog,was there more to it or was he simply so bored he decided to bother the onlyperson he could?

“Thanks, I grew them myself,” heretorted and closed the book he was reading. He heard Thomas laughing, but thetouch didn’t disappear, and quite frankly it didn’t feel bad at all. “Feelingbetter?”

“Mhm,” came a hum. “Sluggish tho.”

“Ready to try to solve the problemagain?” Newt avoided another touch and reached for the paper Thomas had beenworking on before, handing it to him. “At least that one.”

“You’re a slaver,” the brunetgrumbled, but when Newt gave him the pen and the book he could use as a table,he actually started writing.

He was a strange guy, Newt mused.The first impression told him he was going to be problematic, but outside ofhim being a little pushy with rewardshe turned out to be surprisingly docile and obedient, even worked hard. Newtcouldn’t say he disliked him, which usually happened with these types of guys.He actually grew to like him in a sense, his humour and lazy smile.

“Ha!” Thomas’ voice almost made himjump out of his skin, and then there was the paper with the math problem, allsolved, with Thomas grinning victoriously. “Is this the right result?”

Newt quickly went through it andsmiled.

“Yeah, good job,” he praised himproudly. “Guess you’re ready for tomorrow.”

“Ayyy,” Thomas slid down the bed andNewt yelped right the moment he got grabbed under his knees and pulled almoston Thomas’ lap, with his legs resting on Thomas’ thighs. Before he couldprotest against such manhandling, Thomas was already pushing insistently intohis personal space and capturing his mouth in a kiss.

It was different now – they were sodamn close Newt could feel Thomas’heartbeat against his chest, and the hands that usually only rested somewherenow kept on traveling over Newt’s back and sides and hips, like he was mappinghim curiously. This wasn’t only a peck either, Thomas was pushing him more,even sucking on his lower lip occasionally as if he was teasing him, and Newt’sblood was roaring loudly in his ears and his heart rabbited in his chest likecrazy.

Newt distinctly thought he shouldhave been offended somehow – this wasn’t justa kiss anymore, it was like they were making out, and it wasn’t somethingthey agreed on (hell, Newt didn’t even agree to the normal kissing part, Thomasbasically decided it on his own and Newt tolerated it because it improved hispupil’s grades, as lame as it sounded). But he didn’t fight it, he participated and if he wanted to refusethe fact he liked it, he would haveto hit himself for lying.

He just didn’t understand why was this happening.

When Thomas pulled slightly way,Newt realized he was out of air and gulped it down like a drowning man. He felthot, on board of feverish, and the proximity they had seriously didn’t help himto calm down.

“Wha-,”

“I can’t think of any suitableexcuse,” Thomas didn’t let him finish and Newt noticed how his pupils wereblown wide like crazy. He kept on skimming from Newt’s lips to his eyes andback up and Newt felt the hungry gaze somewhere deep inside of his chest, slowlytraveling to his abdomen like butterflies. Thomas was still holding him close,his grip firm like he was afraid Newt would run away, and quite frankly Newtshould have, but somehow couldn’t bring himself to do so.

“Can I get motivated in advance?”the brunet asked breathlessly and Newt’s stomach made a somersault. “Because Ireally, really want to kiss you again.”

No, hethought of saying. No, because it wasa bad thing, Thomas wasn’t the right person, couldn’t be – their worlds weredifferent, their schedules didn’t match up, and once the tutoring was over,what then?

“You have one hour,” he let out. “Go.”

Thomas didn’t wait for anything elsebefore swallowing any possible protest Newt could possibly say later. One hourwas simply not enough.

[shrikeseams]

.” #the hobbit modern heist AU#based off my consistent headcanon that Gandalf only came to Bag End looking for a burglar because he thought Belladonna was still alive#and when he found only her son who was a lot older than Gandalf remembered#he just pretended he hadn't lost track of time at all and getting Bilbo to do it was always the plan#because he'd already there - @silentstep

           “Mahal in his forges— it’s the same old story,” said Dis with clear disgust.  “He was your father and you love him, fine; I do not forgive him one jot for not supporting his wife in her career the way she did for him in his.”

           “I beg your pardon: my father never worked a day in his life,” said Bilbo icily.

           “See, what’s really weird is that you sound proud of that,” Dis snorted.  “Seriously, I don’t care how rich either of them were, do you think there’s a male thief out there of half her caliber to whom it would even occur to give it all up just because he got married and had a kid? But Belladonna Took has to get completely out of the game if she wants to start a family.  That’s exactly why I’ve never married and never will.”

           “Duna’s married,” said Dori.

           Dis pointed emphatically with the knife.  “Yes, to my cousin, whom you better believe I brought up to know better.  Oh, damn—” She shook the knife close to her ear. “Thorin, the hilt’s coming loose.”

           “Triple-riveted full tang and it still comes loose,” sighed Thorin, taking it from her and tapping the hilt with his fingers. “You’re right, Princess, I’m sorry that’s happened.  Here, take this one for now—I know it’s not to your standards, just as a loaner.  I’ll get you this one back as soon as I can.”

           “Do,” she commanded.  “I’m not going to be patient, that’s one of my top four knives.”

           Thorin inclined his head smiling, this apparently being a compliment, and Dis turned the knife he’d handed her back and forth with a grimace, peering at the blade.

           Bifur rumbled a long sentence, and Dis grimaced again, then turned back to Bilbo.  “He says that if Belladonna wanted to get married and stay in the game both, she could have married Bombur and had all the support in the world, and that I’m projecting.  I don’t think I’m wrong, but he said you should hear it and that’s fair.”