#and when I take a little time off to think I think of hsmtmts one of my favorite shows | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fbfh · 2 years ago

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rocks at your window pt 5 - ricky bowen x reader

disclaimer: this series contains smut and chapter by chapter warnings, so as with all nsfw works, ricky is aged up to 18 and he and reader are both 18 and in their senior year!!

additioanlly we're working towards a ricky x therapy plot, so as the series goes on he'll start expressing more symptoms of mental illness and bpd, and he gets worse before he gets better. also obviously i'm not a professional and this is for entertainment purposes only, I have done research but PLEASE take this with a grain of salt or several.

!! contains spoilers for season 1 of hsmtmts and previous chapters of this fic !!

wc: 7.8k

genre: slice of life, hurt/comfort, smut

pairing: ricky bowen x (afab she/her) reader

warnings: actually proof read thanks cici, anti nini/nini being a pick me, one sided angsty gina pining, reader has professional theatre experience, brief vague mention of your parents marriage falling apart, carlos is struggling, a few paragraphs of ricky spiraling about his mom/wondering if she ever loved them, ricky has some flashbacks about that, nini is a self centered bitch, nini writes sad songs about heartbreak in her little mitchie's song book, reader was in matilda annie and hairspray when she was younger (unspecified as to who), one good boy, a GRATUITUOUS amout of titties/nip play, partially clothed sex, cockwarming/cum plugging, subby boarderline puppy boy ricky, ricky's in subspace a little bit with you, cuddling as aftercare, ricky's mommy issues are so bad (sorry freud), slowburn red x ashlyn, nini is an unprofessional menace

summary: after a fun, only somewhat chaotic photoshoot, you're gearing up for the blocking of when there was me and you, until rehearsal grinds to a halt with the release of some troubling news. ricky finds solace in your arms once again, and is enamored with the way you always know how to solve whatever problems are thrown your way.

song recs: I can't handle change - roar, truth justice and songs in our key - hsmtmts cast, you're my world - atlas

a/n: I finished the second half of this in like a day because I was so anxious about a check up because I hate medical stuff but the chapter's done and it went well. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out next week so I'll probably be so busy distracting myself from that I knock out like 5 more chapters /hj

anyway this was supposed to be short and it's almost 10k cause I have no self control lol anyway ENJOY <333

tags: @yesv01 @afidiofobia @aliyahsutherland @hopefullhearts @pikzel @demirunner @matiere-detoiles @ifilwtmfc @uselesssapphickitten @nxstalgicnxbxdy @ggclarissa @n-slayaaaaa @stormi-ames

You exit the girls dressing room, running towards Seb, who just left the boys dressing room.

"Oh my god!" You exclaim, floored by his costume. It's pink and sparkly, and fits perfectly - even the heels. It's everything he was imagining.

"I know!" He replies, matching your energy perfectly. You’re so happy that Seb loves his costume. Miss Jenn even added in a subplot and solo about Ryan finding himself beyond being Sharpay’s brother. He’s absolutely killing this role, breathing new life into it, and you couldn’t be happier for him. He’s still a little nervous, so you and your friends are making sure to hype him up.

You hear it before you see him, a hush falls over the room as everyone on stage around you falls silent. Someone tries (and fails) to hold back a loud snicker while a few people gasp.

“Alright, let’s do this!”

You turn around at the familiar sound of Ricky’s voice, and he’s happy he got your attention. He’s met with a myriad of reactions at the questionably styled wig, but he only cares about yours. He’s only looking for yours. He gives you a look, a little quirk of his eyebrow that silently asks what you think. You smile radiantly, overjoyed to see him in costume for the first time. You feel like a mother sending her kids off to the first day of school. You have the urge to get pictures before the day is over.

Standing downstage of you, Nina stares at him with her mouth open in a dramatic gasp, eyes following him as you move closer to each other.

“Oh… my… god. There is so much to talk about.” She says. She watches Ricky closely, waiting for some kind of reaction to her words, but his eyes are glued on you. She tries again, letting out another very loud laugh, “I literally can’t even.”

“I think he looks great!” you say with a sincere bubbling smile. You reach up, adjusting the alignment of his wig, the way the hair falls. He’s sure it looks much better than it had when he’d tried to put it on by himself. You tug gently on his hoodie strings, making them even lengths. He watches you closely while you do. He loves the feeling of you fixing his hair and clothes, he wishes there were more things for you to fix. You smile up at him, and irritation prickles in Nina’s chest at how close you are to him.

“You gotta get the hair flip down,” you say, jerking your head to the side in example. He follows your lead, copying the gesture, and you go back and forth like that for a minute, quoting Troy Bolton and making each other laugh. Your eyes widen as realization strikes.

"Oh my god, I know what this reminds me of…" you gasp, pulling out your phone to search for something, “I’ll text it to you.”

"Okay…" Ricky chuckles, smiling in anticipation and watching you type. You glance up when you hear Carlos telling Seb how amazing he looks. You pause typing and walk a few feet closer to them.

"I know, he looks fucking amazing!" You say with a radiant smile, and Carlos thoroughly agrees.

Spotting an opening, Gina makes her way over to Ricky.

"Wow," she says with a smile, really taking him in. "You look great, Ricky." Just as she’s working up the nerve to playfully nudge him on the arm, he smiles, motioning over to where you’re talking to Carlos and Seb.

“Yeah, she said the exact same thing,” he smiles, greeting you as you walk back over, “Gina agrees with you.”

“I know!” you smile, radiant, “Not a lot of people can pull off the whole 2007 Mitchel Musso look, but you’re really making it work.”

His heart pounds when you talk like that. Your words, your praise, your attention give him a sort of high he’s never felt from anyone else before. He craves it, and he always craves it more than he expects to.

“You think so?” he asks. Part of him knows he’s fishing for your attention, but the sweet look you give him, so excited to see him in costume for the first time makes it worth it.

“Yes!” you exclaim, vibrancy rubbing off on him, “You look fantastic, Ricky.”

His heart pounds loud in his chest, cheeks flushing at your words. Behind you, Gina’s stomach sinks. Old feelings of discouragement get more and more stirred up inside her the longer she stands there, watching the way he looks at you. It’s almost too much to bear by the time she cuts her losses, making up an excuse about getting something from her bag that she’s not sure either of you hear.

Nina watches this, her gaze flicking between you and Gina. A gross feeling coats her stomach. She expected to stay friends with Ricky, expected to still be close to him. More importantly she didn’t expect so many girls to just throw themselves at him. It’s disrespectful. It’s disrespectful to how long they were together. She and Ricky have been friends since kindergarten, they have history. They’ve known each other forever, and… it’s just funny, she thinks, that you and Gina think you can just swoop in and replace her like that. Before she can fester in this feeling much longer, Big Red has everyone line up.

“Okay, Chad,” he calls, pointing stage left, “Taylor, Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, Ryan… good.”

Everyone gets lined up and spaced out correctly, as Red lines up the shot.

“Jump on the count of three.” he states, and begins to count down. The sound of everyone’s feet hitting the floor at very different times echoes through the auditorium. Red squints at the result on camera, which is nothing short of a complete mess.

“Wait, what happened?” he mutters.

“Where to begin.”

“Where do I start…”

You and Ricky say at the same time. You lean forward a little to share a look, a silent conversation exchange you both understand, both of you leaning past Nina to do so. She looks between you for that split second, then Ricky gets right back in line without even looking at her.

“I think you went early,” Seb says to you.

“Wait,” Gina interjects, “are we jumping on three or after three?”

“Yeah, the count of three. Ready?” Red replies, doing nothing to clear up the confusion.

“Red,” you say, and he looks up at you. Ricky watches you with a little smile, knowing you’ll no doubt know exactly what to do to get things back on track. “Are we jumping on the third or fourth beat?”

“Third,” he says, like it should be obvious, “on the count of three.” You nod, and turn to the others. “It’s one two jump.” you clarify, hopping as you do so to demonstrate. Your hair bounces and your skirt flounces and your heels make a little clicky noise as you land, and Ricky thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. He’s ready to try again, now fully confident the photos will turn out perfect thanks to you. Next to you, Seb lets out a puff of air.

“I think I broke a heel…” he says, and you turn to take a look. Something itches at the corner of your mind, then it clicks.

“Hold on, I saw some glue back here somewhere…” Red flashes you a thumbs up as you run into the wings, searching for the bottle of gorilla glue you remember seeing earlier. After digging around in the stage right wing for a minute, you see it on a shelf, next to what looks like a bucket of old paint. You stretch up as far as you can, but even in these heels, you can’t reach it. Before you look around to see if there’s something you can knock it down with, you turn back to the stage.

“Ricky?” you call. He looks over at the sound of your voice like a puppy, scurrying over to you without a second thought.

“Yeah?” he smiles. You point up to where the glue is.

“I found it up there, but I can’t…”

“Oh, I got it.” he smiles, touching your arm. He reaches up and hands you the mostly full bottle. You thank him, squeezing his arm appreciatively.

“Thank god you’re tall,” you chuckle. His chest puffs up at your words, a soft heat creeping up to his cheeks. He watches you as you and Kourtney fix Seb’s shoe, how cute you look when you’re focused.

“There,” you state, “as long as the glue holds…” Seb puts his heel back on, and does a few test jumps. The glue seems to hold, and Kourtney sends you back in line, adjusting one last part of Seb’s costume. You type something into your phone, texting it to Ricky as you head back to the front of the stage. Ricky catches the last half of what Carlos is saying. He’s clearly frustrated at the lack of productivity.

“...You leave the earth, you land.”

“We just need to get back on the same page,” you say. Ricky pulls out his phone at the familiar sound of your ringtone he set. You must have sent him the thing you remembered. As he passes by, Nina sees your name at the top of his phone, framed by hearts. His screen is full of texts between you, but the last text Nina sent him got left on read? Ricky never leaves her on read. She scoffs at how oblivious he is to your blatant attempts to steal his attention from her.

“Uh,” she says loudly, a performative smile on her face as she holds back a laugh when he gets closer to her, “I can’t look at Ricky, is that a problem?”

He doesn’t look up, instead he looks at the text you sent him. It’s an image accompanied by the caption ‘you today’, and when it finally loads, he recognizes it instantly as a gif from the Elijah Wood ‘will you wear wigs’ interview. It catches him by surprise, and a loud screaming laugh tears from his throat. It’s so sudden, so sincere it brings a laugh out of you too. Everyone else either starts laughing with you, or looks completely shocked.

He slaps a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the noise without much success. A smug satisfaction settles over Nina before Ricky starts to type something into his phone. He starts laughing again, tucking his phone back in his pocket, and when he shares a look with you she realizes it wasn’t her that made him laugh like that. It doesn’t sit well with her. You’re biting your lip, trying in vain not to laugh too loudly or obviously while everyone stares at the two of you, small chuckles echoing through the room.

“Okay.” Carlos says curtly, very clearly done with this bullshit, “Let’s take five.”

“Thank you, five.” you say automatically, and Ricky puts his hand on your back as you start to walk offstage to get some water.

“On five or after five?” he mutters, basking in the laugh you let slip out. Behind you, Nina lets out a shrill laugh at the comment, clapping her hands together in a way she’s sure will get Ricky’s attention. Her smile grows stale and evaporates as you sit next to each other without looking back once.

“So, why are you supposed to say thank you five?” Ricky asks as you take a sip from your water bottle, today filled with lemon and cucumber slices.

“It’s a call and response so the crew knows you got their instructions.” you say. He nods, and you continue, “You usually say it after a break is announced, when places are called, when they tell you how long until curtain, that kind of thing.” you conclude. Your knowledge about theatre never fails to amaze him. Hearing you talk about it makes him want to learn even more.

“When I was in Annie it seemed like something technical was always going wrong, so the call times were all over the place. It was a hot mess, but it was still so fun.” You reminisce with a smile. That’s not the first show you mentioned you’ve been in, Ricky recalls. He can tell you have… probably the most experience of anyone here, but he doesn’t think he’s ever asked how many shows you’ve been in. He would have remembered if you told him.

“How many shows have you been in?” he asks, watching your expression carefully.

“Uh…” you look over to where your castmates sit scattered about, then back to Ricky. You give him that look that means you have something to tell him when it’s just the two of you. “A lot. It’s a long story, though, I’ll tell you later.” You finish in a hushed voice. He loves when you talk to him like that, he loves the closeness between you in these moments.

You know you should probably mention you used to do professional theatre in New York before you moved here, but you always hesitate to bring it up. The last thing you want to do is sound like one of those theatre kids. Besides, you haven’t been in the professional circuit since middle school. You stopped in between shows a few years back when your parents' marriage got really bad and your dad left, and you couldn’t exactly perform while moving across the country, but you’re so deeply glad to be back in theatre now that you’re settled in.

Your mom was also worried about how much pressure was on you, being in a professional environment so young. She promised you that after you graduate, once you’re older, she’ll drive you all the way back to New York herself if you still want to do theatre professionally by then. You couldn’t argue with her, it was a lot to deal with that young, and your shitty dad didn’t make it much easier. She’s been able to watch the joy return, see your face light up when you tell her about how rehearsal is going, the progress you and the cast and crew are making, and you can’t deny she made the right call.

You think it’s good for you to act just because you love it for a while. You want the full suburban high school theatre experience, so if that means keeping a low profile and not being one of those douchebags who always brags about “doing professional shows” then you’re happy to keep that under wraps, but as you watch Ricky’s face while he rambles to you about how much more fun it is to be in costume than he expected, you feel like you can tell him. He knows you well enough to know your intentions, know that you’re not bragging about it.

At their next rehearsal, Red is relieved at how relieved Ricky seems.

“It worked! I just… I really made sure she knows how much I like her, and…” Ricky laughs, running a hand through his hair. “Thank you, for the advice, bro.” he lets out another bubbling chuckle, his mind clearly somewhere else. Red squints, wondering if it means what he thinks it means.

“Did you guys…” he starts slowly, not even needing to finish the sentence. The flustered look on Ricky’s face is the only answer he needs.

“Uh…” he says through yet another flustered laugh, the feeling of your mouth around him, the way you taste still fresh in his mind. He locks eyes with you from across the room, and feels his pulse speed up. “Yeah. I’ll fill you in later.”

Red playfully punches Ricky’s arm.

“I’m glad it went well! Cause I care about you, but also because I live vicariously through you.” They both laugh.

“Believe me, there’s plenty to catch you up on.” Ricky says, a wistful smile on his face, watching you talk to Natalie.

“Maybe we should get started. Or at least start warming up.” you say. Everyone’s wondering why Miss Jenn and Carlos aren’t there yet. You can sense her hesitance. It's not surprising, this show is new territory for almost everyone.

"You're the stage manager, you're third in command when Miss Jenn and Carlos aren't here. Why don’t you and Seb get everyone warming up, that way when they get here we can jump right in.” you offer, and she nods, gaining a little confidence.

“Yeah, you’re right.” she says, walking over to Seb, who’s sitting at the piano. You’re sure the only thing Miss Jenn and Carlos would hate more than starting rehearsal late is wasting time, especially with how tight of a schedule you’re on. Natalie and Seb are discussing said warmups when Carlos enters in a hurry, clearly frazzled, announcing that Miss Jenn won’t be here. One look past his chipper facade and you know whatever’s going on his bad.

“Miss Jenn had a… small personal matter to attend to, and won’t be here today.” in spite of the confidence he’s trying to project, you can see right through it. You’re sure the others can too.

“Is everything alright?” Nina asks, only now noticing that Carlos seems off. He laughs a forced casual laugh.

“Everything is fine.” he says, trying to convince himself, and you know that this is really bad. The next few minutes are spent arranging the blocking for when there was me and you. He introduces it as a forest of boys, and you think it could work really well if you execute it right. Instead of a giant poster of the basketball team to sing to, something in a tableau style will translate much better to the stage. It’s dynamic and expressive, while still making the same point, keeping the integrity of the message made in the movie. It’s also vaguely reminiscent of when Meg sings to the statues and the muses in Hercules, which adds to the whole Disney magic feeling. Overall you think it’s a great plan.

You’re about to express this, when you hear an all too familiar voice pipe up.

“Uh, Troy just broke Gabriella’s heart,” you resist the urge to roll your eyes, having a feeling you know where this is going, and Nina continues, "why would she want to see four more versions of him?"

You're somehow still shocked that she not only can't recognize that her character would handle a breakup differently than she would, but now she's trying to change a fundamental point in the show for no reason. Ashlyn, Kourtney, and even Natalie jump in and agree with her. This isn't the first time Nini has used her character as a thin veil to talk shit, and you're amazed at how bad she is at treating Gabriella like a character she's playing. For someone who wanted the lead so badly, she doesn't seem to care too much about it now. In all your years of acting, you don't think you've ever seen someone so unable to create a distinction between what they would do and what their character would do, and it’s very fucking weird.

Before she gets literally everyone else to agree with her, you jump in.

"Actually, I love this, Carlos. I think it’s really dynamic and effective without taking away from the song. Also," you turn to Nina, "it was 2006, so girlbossing your way through heartbreak wasn't really a thing. Plus, you're right; she did get her heart broken, she should be allowed to be sad about it."

"Yeah," Ricky agrees, looking over at you when you speak, "totally dynamic." He loves the way you talk about theatre, how brilliantly you analyze details or staging and character interpretations. He wishes he could hear you talk more about it, and makes a mental note to pick your brain later.

Nina looks at you, mouth agape, as Carlos gestures to you. Another perfect example of Ricky following you around like a lost puppy.

"Thank you, Sharpay, exactly." Carlos states as Nina scoffs, shocked at your response. He lets out a small sigh, grateful for the backup. "Gabriella is heartbroken, she can't stop thinking about Troy, about the guy she thought he was."

Ricky walks back over to his seat to set down his script. He leans down close to you before he does, wanting your opinion before he shares the idea he got.

"Maybe she could do, like, an acoustic guitar version. You know, strip it down." His voice is quiet, meant only for the two of you. You smile at him with such warmth before your gaze flickers to Nina. You hum, considering.

"I think you're the only one who could pull off an acoustic guitar ballad in the middle of such a… high energy show." A small, knowing laugh is shared between you, and as every kind word from your mouth does, your message comes across loud and clear, bringing a warmth to his cheeks and a puff to his chest. A rush of good happy chemicals hits his brain. As he heads back to his box, he ruminates on the sentiment. Not only do you think he could totally pull it off, you think he’s the only one who could. He fights a smile, trying to pay attention to the suggestions everyone starts giving Carlos.

“Or,” Kourtney jumps in, “she could be surrounded by a forest of supportive sisters.” she shares a look with Nina, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. You hope it’s not only obvious to you that no one’s even really talking about the show anymore. A few other girls agree, and you can tell Carlos is losing patience. You walk across the room to check on him when he snaps.

“Okay, guys, this is not a democracy!” he yells, hands falling to his side before one rests on his hip, the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Are you okay?” you ask, sincere and quiet, but not cloying, with a situationally appropriate level of concern on your face.

“Look, it’s not that deep,” Nina says, and you’re glad she’s finally backpedaling - or at least trying to - even though it took her this fucking long to realize she should. “We can just wait till Miss Jenn comes back and-”

“Well, she’s not here, and I don’t know if she’s ever coming back!” Carlos spits, relieved to finally get the distressing information off his chest.

Ricky’s stomach sinks, and he’s met once again with that disgusting cold feeling frying his nerves. It’s been a while since he had felt it this strong, this fresh. There were bad moments, sure. Like when he caught the family portrait of the three of them in the laundry room. He felt so sick looking at his mom’s smile. It seemed so genuine, and he hasn’t been able to stop questioning its integrity since. He’s spent every spare moment he’s not thinking about you or the show reanalyzing every conversation, every interaction, every passive aggressive remark and dish towel thrown too hard against the counter top, trying desperately to figure out if hers was the face of a housewife slowly losing her sense of self, unsupported, taken for granted and growing resentful, finally pushed to the edge.

Or did she never love them to begin with? Was everything out of obligation? Did she make him tea when he was sick or stressed or sad because she wanted to or because she had to? Maybe she loved them at some point, when he was too little to remember it clearly, or even know what he was supposed to be looking for. Old memories flood back, and he finds himself scouring them for a time when her tea might have started tasting different. Maybe that’s when she stopped loving him. Loving them.

He’s dragged into the undertow without warning, breath knocked out of his lungs by the force of it all, by the spike of anxiety that shoots up and stays there at the thought of Miss Jenn leaving.

“Wait, what?” he manages to choke out after that split second of spiraling, his stomach churning. Your hand finds and grabs on tight to his before he even speaks. You’re next to him in an instant, and he latches onto you, for once feeling like he has a buoy in this relentless sudden storm he always seems to get dragged into. Right when he thinks it’s going to be okay, right when he starts to get a handle on everything, he’s knocked off his feet.

You hold his hand with both of yours as he steps off his box, tighter and warmer and more reassuring than anything, and you rub your thumb against his skin while Carlos begins to tell you guys everything that’s going on. You listen with rapt attention, while keeping a close eye on Ricky. Everything is deteriorating so fast, and soon Nina grabs her backpack, storming to the exit and claiming she ‘needs a minute’. Kourtney follows her, then everyone else, and you feel Ricky’s hand shake in yours. His breaths get quicker as he watches everyone around him, his castmates, his friends, leave without a second thought.

“Rehearsals are officially canceled until further notice!” Carlos calls out, before leaving, defeated and fighting tears.

You continue to brush your hand over Ricky’s. The gesture is comforting.

“Well,” Gina says, grabbing her bag, “that fell apart fast.”

“Nothing fell apart.” you and Ricky say at the same time, yours sure and deliberate, his desperate to be true. Gina lets out a singular breathy laugh, unable to ignore how in sync the both of you are.

“Everything’s going to be okay. We’ll work this out.” you state, and Ricky latches onto your words, how assured you seem, throwing himself and all the belief within him that you’re right.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “it’s all going to be okay.”

Gina’s stomach twists at the way he repeats your words.

“Do you know something I don’t?” she asks Ricky. You send her a look, clearly asking what the fuck. Before you can call her out, Ricky jumps in.

“She’s Miss Jenn. She’s unstoppable. The whole show’s unstoppable.”

“But, what if-” she ignores your glares, demanding she knock it off. “What if it does stop?”

Ricky squeezes your hand tighter.

“Gina-” you say, a warning tone to your voice.

“Let’s not go there…” he says, a begging tone to his voice.

“Yeah,” you agree, “let’s not.” You turn back to Ricky, your free hand resting on his arm, rubbing gently. He wants to cry - both at the situation you’re both struggling to deal with, and the catharsis, the comfort he feels when you touch him like this.

“The show must go on.” You say firmly, “There’s no chance something as trivial as a mistake on Miss Jenn’s resume is enough to do any actual harm to the show.” there’s a light chuckle to your voice, one that he mirrors.

“Yeah,” he agrees, needing you to continue, which you do.

“When I was in Matilda when I was younger, the entire basement full of props got flooded the week of opening night.”

His eyes widen in concern, and you continue.

“Everything was soggy, and completely covered in mildew by the time we got back to the theater. You know what we did?” you ask Ricky rhetorically, who’s looking at you so intensely, hanging on your every word. “We paired down. We went for an abstract, minimalistic set design. Even threw in some shadow play for effect until the props and sets were all fixed.”

“Really?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you state, “and the critics loved it. They were raving about how genius it was, a brilliant way to showcase Matilda’s imagination and view of the world around her.” you say, quoting one of the more memorable reviews.

“So,” you say with a new lightheartedness to your voice brought on by the anecdote, “the point is, everything will be fine.” your sincerity is palpable, and you watch as he lets out a small, shallow breath. Gina doesn’t miss the way he relaxes when you put your hand back on his shoulder, the way he mirrors your expressions and body language and words without even realizing. He’s beginning to calm down from the worst possible news they could have gotten just because he’s with you.

“Y’know what?” she says, swallowing the lump in her throat, “I’m gonna head out, so…” she points toward the door. Ricky glances up, then back at you.

“Get home safe.” you say with a polite wave before continuing to reassure him. You talk a little more, and you’re relieved that you can see he’s starting to feel better. The distraction is helping him, you realize, as you stroll around the empty theater hand in hand. “Why don’t you show me that guitar version of when there was me and you?” He laughs nervously.

“I don’t know…” he mutters. A hint of concern flashes over your face. If he doesn’t even want to play guitar, it must be really bad.

“C’mon, pretty please?” you say, causing butterflies to swirl in his chest, “I want to hear it stripped down, and you’re so good at guitar…”

He lets out a flustered laugh, butterflies fluttering in his chest as he accepts the guitar you hand him, taking a seat. You watch him attentively as he begins playing the first chords, humming along.

In the hallway, a few feet away from the door, Nina sighs.

She can’t bring herself to walk away, not this time, not when she knows he’s probably wallowing, waiting for her. Letting out a loud, dramatic sigh, she decides to be the bigger person. She turns and walks back to the rehearsal room, hovering in the doorway when she hears familiar strumming. She watches Ricky, his back to her while he plays. She starts to enter the room, pausing when she sees that he’s singing to someone. Not just anyone, but you. You’re looking at him fondly, chin resting in your hand. She doesn’t have time to roll her eyes before you start singing along, noting how his voice stops shaking when yours mingles with his.

She’s having the worst day ever, EJ keeps texting her, and there’s Ricky, serenading you. She can’t even talk to him alone for five minutes without you hovering. She feels sick. She hates this, hates the way you ogle at him. She should be the one in there, the one duetting with him.. She’s known him since kindergarten for god’s sake, she has the right to comfort him. Tears welling up in her eyes, she storms off, pulling her song book from her backpack to pour everything into its pages. She’s ready to fill it with songs of betrayal and heartbreak.

After some more singing, wandering around, and examining old props from former shows, you and Ricky find yourselves on a stiff couch that’s been hidden in the back of the prop room for ages. Just being around props, costumes, old playbills and other paraphernalia makes Ricky feel better. There’s a restorative quality in theaters he never knew about until now. It’s like he can pretend that nothing is different than it was yesterday, like everything is still the same.

“Can… can we just stay here for a while?” he asks, hugging a basketball and leaning into you.

“Yeah,” you say softly, “‘course. As long as you want.” you press a kiss to the top of his head, and you both settle deeper into the couch, rough woven texture rubbing against your arms. He rests his head on your shoulder while you play with his hair, telling him more stories from your time in Matilda. Most notably how nice the person who played Miss Trunchbull was, and how tangled everyone’s hair was from being teased and styled so much. It smelled more like hairspray than when you were actually in Hairspray.

You trace shapes on his back while you talk. His breath is warm on your neck, and he can smell your perfume, the same peachy perfume you wore to homecoming. He’s flooded with memories of how beautiful you were that night, how you touched him, how you tasted. He lets out a soft sigh at the memory. He’s craving more than holding you, he needs to be closer, needs more. He needs to be inside you. He gives a fleeting thought to your location; it’s late, and he’s sure no one will come sniffing around the prop room in the guts of the theatre department. It’s enough justification for him, and he indulges his desires, beginning to press kisses to your face and neck. He grabs at your waist, drawing an anticipatory giggle. The noise soothes him, and he wants more.

“I-” he tries not to let his voice waver, but you know him so well by now it’s impossible to hide, “...just need you close. Need you with me.” he sighs into your skin, desperate for your smell, your touch, you you you. You rub his back, your touch so cathartic it makes him want to cry.

“I’m not going anywhere, Ricky.” you state gently, and he latches onto your words, wanting desperately to believe them. You pull him in to kiss you more, and he shoves his tongue past your lips, sighing into your mouth at how much better he already feels from that alone. He was right, he really does just need to be inside you, be as close to you as possible.

He climbs on top of you as you lace your hands through his hair, embracing the taste of your tongue against his. He lets out a shuddering sigh as you place your soft thigh between his, and he grinds against you, unable to stop his hips from rutting into you. He whines at how good it feels, how much better you make him feel. He tugs at the waistband of your pants, and you smile a little at how eager he is for you. You reach into a pocket deep in your bag, zipped up tight, to grab a condom while he makes quick work of shimmying both your pants down.

“Will- will you put it on for me?” he whines quietly into your neck, and you nod, humming and running your hand through his hair in response.

He’s already moaning and you’ve barely started to put it on. He’s so needy, so desperate for you that it brings a smile to your face. You can’t deny how cute you find it. He pushes into you, trying not to go too fast, and the air is knocked from both your lungs as he works his way deeper into your wet, welcoming cunt. He fucks you needy and desperate, whining cutely like a little puppy as he humps into you. He grinds his pelvis against your clit, needing to be closer to you, and the noises you let out are like a warm shower after a long day.

“F-fuck, Ricky, just like that… good boy…”

He speeds up, whining and panting into your mouth as you praise him, and he feels little tears begin to prick at the corners of his eyes. Both for how fucking bad today has been, and how fucking good you make him feel. Your touch, your words, the way you call him a good boy and reassure him as he tries to pull you closer to him even though you’re already as close as you can possibly get, it’s all so addictive. You’re so wet; tighter and warmer and more reassuring around him than anything. You feel so soothing, like aloe on a sunburn, and he wants more and more and more of it.

The head of his cock keeps rubbing against that spongy part inside you, drawing out more gasps and moans, more noises that make his heart pound. He can’t get enough. He’s grabbing at your clothes and clinging to you, begging, whining your name over and over like a prayer. He feels you tighten up around him, feels the way your legs shake, and it sends him over the edge. He had been sucking a hickey into your chest, but now his teeth and tongue graze your skin as he moans, rutting deeper and deeper into you as he spills all of himself into your welcoming embrace.

A few moments when he would normally pull out and get up, instead he buries his face in your neck. “Can we… just stay here for a minute?”

There’s still a fragile quality to his voice, and you begin running your fingers through his hair again, before pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Sure,” you say, nodding. You play with his hair as he sucks on your tits, his arms wrapped tight around your waist. He runs his tongue over the soft flesh, reveling in the taste, the way your walls flutter around him when he plays and sucks on your hardened bud. He finds comfort in the gesture, the way you taste. You stay like that for a little while, and Ricky feels his brain go fuzzy with how good you feel and taste, how sweet you are to him. If he could live between your legs - and with his face in your tits - he would in a heartbeat.

Your phone buzzes, pulling you slightly out of the warm little bubble you’ve created. It’s Ashlyn. You know she’s upset, she has to be after today. Ricky freezes, looking up at you to see what you do. You bring your finger to your lips, gesturing for him to stay quiet, then place your hand on the back of his head, bringing him back down to your soft chest.

You pick up the phone, chatting with Ashlyn, listening as she vents and worries to you, gently scratching Ricky’s back the whole time. You have such a casual, nurturing energy, and being squished between your tits, still deep inside you while you idly chat on the phone makes Ricky’s head spin. He can’t get enough of you, can’t stop thinking about how good you treat him, how nice your attention feels. When he wants a little more, he’ll grind his hips against your twitching clit, just to feel the way you throb and squeeze around him, to hear the little hitch in your breath that you try to conceal.

You send him a warning look, but you can’t keep a straight face, not when he’s looking at you like that.

“Hey, what if we did a song?” you ask into the phone, Ashlyn silent on the other end as she listens, “Like, what if we did a huge, original, show stopping number, and, like… a flashmob at the meeting tomorrow. You know, show them what we can do when she’s the one directing us.”

“I… love that. Oh my god, I’m dead. Yes.” she states, and you smile. “I- god, I’m already getting ideas. Uh… okay, can you meet me at Big Red’s?” she spitballs, excited to work on this.

“Yeah,” you say, gaze flickering back down at Ricky, “we’ll be over in a few, text everyone else - we’ll need as much backup as we can get.” you chuckle.

“Oh,” she says, a knowing tone to her voice, “is… Ricky with you?” Dammit. Now you have to play this off.

“Uh, yeah, we were just-” you trail off, fighting a giggle as he grinds against you. He chuckles into your tits, feeling them jiggle around his mouth.

“We were just hanging around the theater,” you finish, “he didn’t want to leave yet.”

“Yeah,” she says, thinking about earlier, regretting leaving so soon, “tell me about it. Anyway, get here as soon as you can so we can work on this.”

She hears a light, flustered giggle distantly through the speaker, and knows it’s him making you laugh. She could let it slide, but calling you out is too tempting.

“...Hi, Ricky.” she says. It’s silent for a minute.

“Hi, Ashlyn.” his voice is sheepish, and she hears you both giggle. She’s glad you know she knows you’ve been hanging out together, flirting too, no doubt. You hang up shortly after, then begin the process of finally detangling yourselves from each other, and cleaning up enough to look presentable. Ricky’s chest squeezes when you adjust his hoodie strings and fix his hair. He returns the caring gesture by helping you to his car, your legs still wobbly.

By the time you get to Red’s, Ashlyn already has some lyrics she’s working on, and part of a chorus. Red looks at Ricky, nodding toward you. Ricky looks at him pointedly, gaze flicking to Ashlyn, noting the flustered look on Red’s face. Red gives him a look that screams HAHAHA WHAT? NO! Why is it obvious?? Ricky makes a mental note to grill him on it later.

They watch you and Ashlyn work together, brainstorming lyrics and choreo as everyone else arrives, and Ricky is thrilled to see you in your natural habitat like this. By the time everyone else is there, you, Ashlyn, and Carlos have made great progress, with everyone else helping to bounce around ideas and iron out details.

“You know,” Nina starts, a performative tone of wisdom to her voice, “I think we should go for a power ballad.”

“Uh…�� you look over at Ashlyn, who you can tell is feeling defensive over the work you’ve already done. You look at Carlos, who doesn’t seem to want to do a power ballad either. You choose your words carefully.

“I totally see where you’re coming from, a power ballad would be really impactful, but I think in this case we need to go for something with more wow factor.”

“A power ballad has wow factor!” she says. Even she realizes how flimsy that sounds. She lets out a contemptuous sigh, “But a power ballad would show how much she means to us.” she’s clearly trying to tug on the heartstrings, and it’s not working on you. You check the clock. You don’t have time to debate with her.

“Realistically,” you start, a decisive tone to your voice, “I don’t think we have time to rework all this into a power ballad. I think we should stick with the direction we’re going in, and commit-”

“Oh, so you want to play it safe?” she asks, seeming like she caught you in something, “I thought music… was about taking risks.”

You hold back the biggest sigh of your life, when Ricky jumps in behind you.

“I think we should listen to her.”

Nina starts to thank him, the sees that he’s pointing to you. The words dry up in her throat.

“She is like,” he continues, “the most talented person I’ve ever seen. She really knows what she’s talking about, guys.”

Everyone seems to agree, except for Nina. You can feel the pissy aura radiating off her already. You send him a grateful look, then turn back to her, trying to be professional.

“A power ballad is still a great idea-”

“No, no.” she says, passive aggressive and dismissive, “you go ahead. I’ll just be quiet.” everything about her is making your irritation spike, but you know you don’t have time to babysit her or her feelings. If she thinks she can make you feel bad for that, then she’s wrong.

“Okay, as long as you’re sure.” You state, before getting back into it with Ashlyn.

As soon as you finish holding out the final note, you’re met with cheers that turn into roaring applause. Your mom and Ricky’s dad both advocated for Miss Jenn, tipping the scales for Principal Gutierrez to agree, letting her keep her job. Ricky finds you immediately, picking you up and spinning you around. He holds you so tight, and you both giggle, elated. You can’t believe it really worked. When he pulls away you can see it on him, the electric energy, the rush of a good performance. He doesn’t even need to say anything because you’re feeling the same thing, and the silent understanding is shared between you.

“This will be nothing compared to opening night.” you say, your smile infectious, and he can’t wait. Like, he genuinely can’t wait for opening night. He’s never been more motivated for anything than he has for this, performing alongside you again. He’s gotten a taste, and he wants more.

Nina hugs Seb. When she pulls away, she sees you and ricky talking animatedly - and very close together. She deflates at the sight before her. You’re holding each other and laughing, absolutely beaming at each other. A knot forms in her stomach.

“What are they even talking about?” she scoffs.

“Probably some cute story about when the basement flooded when she was in Matilda.” Gina mutters. Nina hadn’t noticed she was there, but something about that rings a bell she can’t place. It’s scratching around in the back of her mind, and she wonders why that sounds familiar.

Across the room, Ricky catches his dad and Miss Jenn talking real close together too. You follow his gaze, eyes widening. You see how his brow furrows, and think now would be a good time for a distraction.

“You know,” you start, drawing his attention back to you, “if you want to this weekend, I can show you some of the shows I’ve been in.” you offer.

“Are you kidding?” He asks with a chuckle, his whole face lighting up, “Yes! Yeah, absolutely!” You smile, your expression mirroring his.

“After we catch up on our sleep, though,” you say, exhaustion setting in from both the all nighter and the high energy performance you just pulled off. You rub your eyes, bleary. “Cause I am about to crash, dude.”

“Same,” he laughs, and it quickly turns into a yawn. You both giggle, making your way to Ricky’s dad’s car so he can drop you off before you take Ricky home. Your mom has a meeting starting ten minutes ago, so she had to rush over to city hall right after you got the good news, and Mike offered to give you a ride. He drops you off, watching the way you and Ricky talk. You’re still having a good time together even when you’re this tired. It’s a positive sign, he thinks. Soon they’re turning into their driveway, and he knows he has minutes before Ricky’s out like a light.

“She seems nice,” he starts, expecting Ricky to brush it off or act all embarrassed, demand you’re just hanging out, or whatever the kids are calling it now. Instead, he’s met with a wistful sigh.

“Yeah… she is.” he says with an exhausted, sincere smile. The openness of his answer surprises Mike. “She’s… the best.”

Ricky’s inside and falling into bed before Mike can ask any follow up questions, but he intends to a little later. He doesn’t know if it’s because of Jenn, or the show, or you, but he’s so glad to see Ricky smile like that again.

#ricky bowen #ricky bowen x reader #hsmtmts ricky #hsmtmts #hsmtmts smut #hsm x reader #rocks at your window #good news about the doctor thing is some stuff looks like it might happen way faster than i expected #which i'm happy about #also not going to think about #just going to write more rocks lol

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fudokaze · 3 years ago

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i used to not ship rina (embarassing, i know), so this is my essay on how season three has completely shifted my idea of them, and why i think that the wait until season three may be worth it if they play their cards right — which it seems like they are so far.

let’s start with season one. i feel like most of ricky and gina’s relationship was something you could brush off as something that the viewer could only think of as a plot device to make nini jealous, but that ultimately you knew or felt would never go anywhere. i would say they were meant to be only that at first and then, maybe, the writers changed their minds for season two when they saw fans liked the ship, but i can’t. no, because we know that scene with ricky and gina talking after the show, the “i wouldn’t give up on us” talk, was filmed when season one was filmed. do i think the writers were rooting for rina to be endgame all along? meh, not really, but they definitely had plans for them, that’s for sure.

why didn’t i ship rina at the time? simple, ricky and nini were cute back then. i genuinely liked them. sue me. the rini confession scene at the end of season one is still fucking amazing in my opinion, and there is no denying ricky loved nini, while i believe he only liked gina. i don’t think he necessarily even thought he liked her, i think he thought it was all very much platonic because, come on, he was so focused on nini that entire season. gina, though? she loved him. so it was somewhat unrequited, i guess, although i do not think ricky didn’t have feelings at all.

onto season two, ricky and nini are a fucking mess. they are not good for each other, for as much as i love them both, with ricky hating change and nini’s entire life changing so much in such a small period of time, as well as their individual struggles clashing, the long distance mess, and lily’s bafoonery in the middle. we could smell the breakup coming from miles away. that scene was really sad, honestly, but it was something i knew had to happen. right person, wrong time trope, if i may. on the other hand, portwell was thriving, and i honestly saw that coming from season one. i really didn’t think rini would break up back then, though, so the lingering question of “who will ricky end up with?” stayed around, and was somewhat answered by lily, though i wasn’t super happy about it. nonetheless, god knows i love season two portwell so much.

by the end of the series, gina is with ej, while nini and ricky have broken up. nini is on her little lesbian self discovery journey, good for her, and i could see her not being with anyone, especially considering olivia rodrigo has become increasingly more busy which has significantly affected how much screentime she has gotten in the series (and things point very much to my baby nini salrobs to eventually be erased fully, sadly, but good for liv honestly). but then what about ricky?

clearly the lily stuff was a misdirect, because onto season three, she barely appeared. and thank god. portwell are still thriving, then ricky shows up. and though i didn’t ship them up until then, things quickly shifted. yes, because the build up is what makes rina, rina. be honest, would you love the ship as much if they had become canon after season one? if you think the answer is yes, did you love rini in season one and ended up not liking them as much afterwards? did the same happen in season two with portwell? yes? that’s what i thought. and honestly, there is no shame in that, because that happened to me too.

i think what is so good about rina is that, unlike all the other hsmtmts ships, it’s taking its sweet fuckin’ time. and honestly? i will eat it the fuck up. it’s cool, it’s realistic, and it’s engaging. it’s cooler because i didn’t expect it to go anywhere at first, because they just looked like yet another plot device to create drama between the main ship, and then here we are, with ricky being canonly jealous over gina and ej in the last episode. rina is made of small hints even now that it’s (hopefully) on its way to become canon, it’s made of moments that come around the main story, it isn’t the main focus like rini was, and it’s beautiful. you don’t feel forced to ship it nor like it when watching it, it comes naturally with time, whether earlier on or later on, because the puzzle pieces come together and you don’t even realize how much you like them together until one moment it kind of just hits you.

nothing feels exaggerated or forced, things just naturally fall into place with them. honestly, i doubt the writers did it on purpose, because if so then why not do the same with the other ships, but kudos to them nonetheless because i can’t help but love this pair. i just hope they don’t do me wrong somehow in the rest of the show.

#rina #ricky bowen #gina porter #hsmtmts

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stilldancewithyou · 3 years ago

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what are your thoughts on the hsmtmts finale? I found it to be so disappointing :/

oh, I have so many thoughts.

first, let me preface this by saying I'm both a Portwell and a Rina. I really liked Rina's dynamic in season 1 when they first introduced it and I was here for it until they threw in Portwell. And then the narrative kind of told me Gina isn't Ricky's number one choice/priority but she is EJ's number one priority, andshe wasn't even a choice to him! She was the only person he was even thinking about at the point. I ate that shit up. They were so cute together and their relationship was built on such a great friendship. But I did also like seeing Ricky pining over Gina and realizing his feelings for her...I just hated that they couldn't just let him wrestle with his feelings for a while, he had to put EJ and Gina's relationship down (and he was kinda weird/rude to EJ at times in order to push the narrative of Rina...idk some quiet, semi-secret pining would've been nice to see). also just in case it isn't already clear...I am an EJ girl first and foremost. Idk why but I just liked him so much from the start of the 1st season for some reason. I also adore Ricky, but he drives me crazy sometimes tbh.

in no particular order, here are my thoughts on the finale:

I'm still in shock that Ricky said "I haven't read the full script yet" on the day of opening night of the show. was that supposed to be funny? cute or something? Why was Gina not mad at all about that? It's also kinda hypocritical of Ricky bc he was telling Jet at the beginning that he needed to practice his lines and show up and be a good Hans for Gina since it's her first lead role and I'm supposed to believe the same Ricky (who is apparently in love with Gina) didn't take the time to read the whole script and at least learn the name of the kingdom for her? Did he never run lines with her or anyone for that matter, have a conversation with anyone about the show, or even show up at rehearsals? I mean I'm pretty sure they would've said Arendelle plenty of times during rehearsals, so I feel like he should've known that.I know it was a small scene but seriously? Is this supposed to make me like Ricky? The narrative is confusing me.

I am so happy Miss Jenn was there! The kids needed her support and it just wouldn't be a finale opening night without her there. I kinda wish Mr Mazzara had shown up too but it's fine, I'm not gonna die on that hill. I thought Miss Jenn would talk to EJ, give him advice and stuff and then tell him what a good job he did at the end but unless I'm crazy or accidentally missed something...she didn't really do that. she was too focused on Nini and forgot about her tallest child

I thought it was a really nice send off for Nini, and I liked that she brought the lottery ticket for Ricky, it was a sweet little reminder of their friendship and how they've grown up together and of their relationship, and it also showed that they've let each other go. Although Ricky did look kinda shook when he heard Nini was there and was really upset over the idea that he didn't get a card from her...but I guess it might've been more bc of their friendship than the romance part. It did make me stop to wonder though, is he truly 100% over her (which I had been certain he was until that moment)

not gonna lie, I'm kind of sad that we didn't get to see any of Jet as Hans. I was actually kind of excited to see that and idk why, so I felt a little let down by that. I mean, we got to see Kourtney's Let It Go moment (which I loved and she sounded so good) and Carlos singing In Summer, which Frankie Rodriguez absolutely nailed and I loved it. But it would've been really interesting to include the Hans/Anna "if only there was somebody who loved you" scene.

loved the conversation between Big Red and Ashlyn. I realized she was feeling awkward bc she was trying to figure out how to tell him about her summer of discovery but for a full minute I was really confused and thinking she was wanting to break up with him/not feeling it with him cause the dialogue was a little confusing and I was like is this for real??? But then Big Red made his little "you're the one for me" confession and they were both happy so phew not a break up. Also, I love that this storyline showed ppl the concept that you can have a crush but that doesn't mean you don't still love your SO/doesn't take away from your feelings for your SO. not sure why they seemed to forget about this as it could've applied to the Portwell/Rina triangle but okay...

I had so much hope built up for a moment where EJ would get to sing his own emotional ballad, fall apart a little and have a moment, even if it was by himself, like the other characters have gotten and I don't know why I ever thought the writers would think to do that...but yeah I kept hoping for it anyway...when he started to walk away from the group huddle right before Everyday I thought he was gonna burst into a banger of a song as he walked away and then Corbin Bleu started singing and I was like oh, okay I guess we're ignoring EJ's feelings. Also the fact that he was so done he was just going to straight up walk away and no one was like "EJ where are you going?" "come back" "we're proud of you EJ" "how about a round of applause for our director" or "EJ are you okay? you look like you're going through it"

I loved the scene where EJ called his dad, I was starting to think they were just ignoring/had forgotten about that plotline so I was glad to see it given its moment. Matt Cornett did SO good in that scene...the emotion was unmatched and I was tearing up. I liked that Val was there and he wasn't having to deal with it alone, but at the same time...where were his friends? Did none of them notice his dad wasn't there? Gina even asked him about his dad whether he was worried about that and she didn't think to check back in with him about it? Also just the fact that he basically said he only felt comfortable having Val there with him...so he had to squeeze in the phone call during the show so she could be with him and didn't feel like any of his close friends from school would provide the support he needed in that moment? Not Gina,not his so-called "brother", not his fucking actual cousin, not a single one of his best friends that he brought to camp to spend time with???? I hated that the show just...jumped over that with no moment for EJ to tell everyone how they've made him feel. He just had to sit there and put on a brave and happy face for them while he was crumbling. And then the fact that his dad straight up hung up on him??? I knew his dad was a douche canoe but damn. That was harsh. It was really nice to see that little moment between him and Val afterwards, where she just kinda held him and he cried a little. It's pretty brutal though that after that, he had to go back to the show, put his Sven costume back on, and go back on stage AND he did it all without having an emotional breakdown. I really thought he was just going to either straight up not go back to the show at that point (although it makes sense, as a final fuck you to Cash, that he went back and finished what he started extremely well and didn't let his dad see that he had really gotten to him).

Corbin Bleu saying "what team?" really made my HSM loving heart happy and 4th grade me was shaking in her boots. I also kinda love the Corbin Bleu redemption arc (even though it's clearly only bc he's going to be in s4 in a more positive capacity). Although I do find it hard to believe that Corbin kicked Channing out, and likely the entire situation was explained to Disney/the doc producers yet they still allowed Channing to edit the documentary??? Also on this topic- am I really to believe they edited, cut, and produced an entire show in 1 month???????

Kristoff Lullaby...at first I liked it, the way they began it with Ricky singing the words but EJ and Gina sharing meaningful stares from opposite sides of the stage. It started out as such a nice reminder of the very real feelings still lingering between them (despite Ricky being between them and everything that means for them), of the fact that EJ didn't want to break up, and it kind of took me back to the cute friendship they had that they built their relationship on, despite EJ obviously noticing the tension and feelings between Ricky and Gina...and then Ricky had to make eye contact with Gina at the end, and EJ's heartbroken face...he was already sad enough as it is. maybe that look was part of the show? bc in that specific scene in the musical, Kristoff (Ricky) is singing to Anna (Gina)...so maybe that was just choreography and we are all interpreting this incorrectly. I kind of wished they hadn't done that with that song...I was hoping it would be more about Gina and EJ and they would realize they need to have a convo and then talk about things, like how even though they love and care about each other very much they're better off as friends and she should've been honest with him about Ricky, just a simple "I'm really sorry for doing this to you, you don't deserve it...I've been struggling with my feelings for Ricky for a while now and I thought I was over it, I thought you were my person...but now I think you're better off without me, I'm just going to continue breaking your heart because I don't know what I want anymore and I really need to figure that out first before I involve someone else's heart" period. If I was writing this show, I would have added a moment like that for them, so that Rina getting together at the end wouldn't feel so weird and abrupt. Also bc she and EJ never actually got closure (as evidenced by what EJ said/how he reacted in that final scene).

that whole This Is Me moment was kinda weird? I would have liked it more if the entire cast was singing together but it ended up being the little girl's solo with the cast doing back up and it was sort of just a weird sequence. I'm also just salty that they gave the little girl a song and not EJ. What a huge missed opportunity bc they could've written a really amazing ballad for him about being alone (although you're surrounded by ppl/your friends) and about breaking up with Gina, feeling like a failure in your dad's eyes and never living up to anyone's expectations of you, something like "All I wanted was to be good enough for you" or "what do I have to do to be good enough for you?" or "I broke my heart and tore myself apart/trying to make you happy/I destroyed myself for you/burned my house down to keep you warm/now I'm cold and alone/is that good enough for you?" or all of the above building up to an ending of "I'll never be good enough for you/but I tried everything/yeah, I was the best man I know how to be/and that's good enough for me". A golden opportunity and potential completely wasted. I'm so mad. Also, EJ bursting into "When There Was Me And You" would have also slapped (either they should have paused the Kristoff Lullaby scene had him sing it at that point, or the final scene should have been EJ singing it . They really flushed so much potential down the toilet.

Honestly every single song from HSM2 went to waste this season, they could have thrown ALL of them in- Work This Out in the first episode when they all arrived at camp and hated how rustic it is...and can you imagine EJ and Ricky singing I Don't Dance at some point? would have been hilarious. And Gotta Go My Own Way? Would have been PERFECT. Not mention EJ singing Bet On It and getting the angry dance sequence. Soooo many wasted opportunities.

Why did EJ have to do to curtain call in the Sven costume? I thought as the director he'd get to pop after curtain call separately and get separate applause/recognition. Literally every musical and play I've ever been to has had a moment after the cast does their bows where the cast makes sure the director (and tech ppl/crew, and orchestra if there is one) get their own applause from the audience at the end...it's theater etiquette. It's just weird that that didn't happen for EJ, after the big deal they made out of him directing the show. And then literally no one told him "good job" or anything like that, never mind "I'm proud of you"...they were all focused on the actors and congratulating them...and I know they had no way to know what happened with his dad, but I just thought since they all know he's spent the last 2 weeks putting all of his time, effort, and focus into it (and they know about the letter from his dad) that they'd be like "no matter what your dad thinks, we're proud of you" (Gina should have said that!). He didn't even get flowers or any other director thank you gift...just nothing. No one was proud of EJ, no director applause moment or appreciation of any type and I just thought that was messed up. Especially because you know he was already sad knowing he had graduated and they're all going to have a year of school going on without him...and he basically got a preview at camp that they can and will go on without him without even really missing him (and Ricky essentially replaced him). He basically got told by everyone, including his own father that they don't really care about him (not literally just looking at it from his pov). It was just really sad to see and I don't even know what the point of it was? Like what is his storyline from here and what was his storyline from this season supposed to be if it lead up to THAT? He just wants to matter and be important to someone! And it probably doesn't even have to be romantic at this point!

Lastly, the final scene...I found it (and the finale in general) kind of underwhelming? The premiere red carpet thing was weird and it felt like a dream sequence or something, and then from there we jumped into them watching the premiere trailer thing which they all had to know was a load of fake bullshit. I want to know what happened in that one month bc EJ still seemed really angry and upset about Gina, and he was kind of surprised-but-not-surprised by what was revealed about R*na in the trailer. Were they trying to reconcile their friendship or something? Because the look on his face of betrayal and hurt was so sad. I wanted to like the R*na scene, I really did...but it just felt cheap and flat and didn't have the power I wanted their first kiss to have. And the speech she gave....what. the. fuck. So she's been in love with Ricky the whole time (and apparently knew it) which in itself implies she didn't really have those type of feelings for EJ, but then add to that the "you're not a maybe to me" I could not take it seriously after she said that. I think what she meant to say to EJ was "you're a maybe to me, so I'm making up excuses to break up with you". First you have the audacity to piggyback off something EJ said to confess your feelings to Ricky, and then you're gonna say that to him? Was EJ still within earshot? It just felt like Ricky and Gina were putting EJ down (and for what??? it was unnecessary). Also why did I sit through 8 episodes of Ricky freaking out about telling Gina his feelings, being scared to do it, and all the drama about that convo between him and Carlos and him dead set on telling her before the documentary aired for him to NEVER TELL HER his feelings??????

Also remember when we were all arguing about whether it was okay for Ricky to *fake* slap EJ, even if he "deserved it" or whatever? Well I'm glad they let EJ answer that argument for us. He is the bigger person and took the high road, even though no one would have blamed him if he did. I do not know why he called Ricky his "brother" though? Like some brother you've got there. Worse than Conrad and Jeremiah Fisher. Also it just makes everything they did to EJ worse bc camp and the theater are both his second homes (bc his dad sucks) and he frequently refers to the Wildcats as his family, but his "family" doesn't seem to give a shit about him.

Overall, but especially the ending, it all felt weirdly out of character and overly dramatic and like over the top...I know it's always been over the top and dramatic but this felt off and different than usual. It felt like a weird fever dream. I am convinced they were still acting dramatic for the documentary and at the start of next season it will be revealed (Corbin even said they were showing them the trailer before the premiere thing started and people came in to "get their reactions". which makes me believe they were being filmed and they knew it). Idk I just don't know anymore. I do love the concept of season 4 though so I'll probably watch it just for the HSM cast and nostalgia. And also I'm already this invested might as well finish lol

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts 3 #hsmtmts season 3 #ej caswell #portwell #ej caswell protection squad #ricky bowen #gina porter #i'm sorry bc this ended up being way way way longer than I intended #there's just so much to talk about and unpack here!

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aquariusshadow · 4 years ago

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Live!Blogging Hsmtmts s2x10

Another Live!Blog at a decent time? Man, what did I do to get this lucky.

Portwell…..plz…….plz make me feel things. I’m begging you. Also, Rickerapy content we need more of that. No Rini make-up/back together. I’m too tired for that.

Lesssssss gooooooooooo

Nooooooooooooooo seblos confliiiiiiiiiiiict

These two were my wholesome “no conflict” ship

I mean ik conflict helps characters and relationships grow

But ive been through too much switching from Rina to Portwell

My poor heart cant take anymore conflict

Finally seeing ricky and Ashlyn act together

Shgjsdhfljsfh ricky stop

Sir

Youre supposed to be dying

I don’t think this is supposed to be this funny

No miss jenn

Its not working

Don’t sugar coat

Are we seeing a new friendship duo??? Ricky/Ashlyn friendship rights in the future???

Ricky that should tell you something if you keep breaking up and getting back together with the same person…over…and over..

Like something wasn’t working

I love how carlos refers to miss jenn as “Mother” lmao

Poor natalie

She doesn’t deserve this mask abuse

We love kourt coming in clutch

Ahlkjdslafsdjfalhsdf

I need to stop freaking out at every little portwell interaction ahaha

Lily

Why

How

Im tired

Big red should’ve turned on the power drill when lily talked shit on him hahaha

DO YOU GET DÉJÀ VU?!

Sorry sorry

Stream Sour everyone ehehe

I do really like mazarra’s and miss jenn’s interactions haha

Awwwwwww seb

Precious bby

Carlos loves you for you :D

Yaaaaaaaaaay everyone’s being sweet to gina about ej

Uh oh

We love honest gina telling nini about the chocolates fiasco

Hmmmmmm now this is interesting

I don’t blame nini for not being happy that no one told her about the chocolates thing

Hehehe ricky called ej ‘pretty boy’

not me carefully watching ricky’s reactions to the ej/gina conversation

yea he’s just concerned about the nini aspect

is mr mazarra

playing therapist for miss jenn

omfggggggggg

are these two gonna finally get together?

Cmon its there its obvious

Hand holding and cute fist bumps I mean come on

I really like how ricky’s reaching out to others in their friend group

Definitely shows us really cool and interesting dynamics

One thing that would be nice tho

After ricky is done talking to carlos about nini

HOLY SHIT HE’S ACTUALLY HELPING OUT CARLOS WITH SEB

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO SEE RICKY START DOING THAT

WE LOVE RICKY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Im so proud of my bby boy

Hjahldfhdjflsdfas

What

Carlos

“a high C is the bottom of my range”

Holy fucking shit that’s impressive

Nini

I get it

I do get why youre upset

But

Can we just

Hold off on the passiveness

Until when youre not focusing on the bigger picture

“Hey G,” voice crack heasdjlhfasjdfasdfas

Dfajdlfsdjfalhdsfjasdfasfdasdfasd

He did it

HE DID IT

HE ASKED HER OUT

FOR RISOTTO

YES

SHE SAID YES

PORTWELL CANON PORTWELL CANON PORTWELL CANON PORTWELL CANON

ITS HAPPENING PEOPLE ITS HAPPENING

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww carlos is serenading seb

This is so cute

Also his VOICE

HIS RANGE IS SO PRETTY

Seblos is my comfort ship ok

Seblos is my security ship ok

This song is super catchy

My hearttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

HIS WHISTLE TONES

CARLOS

NEEDS MORE SOLOS

I love this so much

Awwwwww ricky and carlos hug

That was so sweet

We need more of these interactions

……………

I knew something was gonna go wrong

Portwell is canon. It’s happening. It’s happening. Also, Seblos was so cute this episode my heaaaaaaaaart.

#high school musical the musical the series #hsmtmts #live!blogging hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2x10 #portwell #seblos #rickerapy #ricky character growth #gina porter #ej caswell #seb matthew-smith #carlos rodriguez #ricky bowen #man just as ricky was finally doing better mentally #really gotta put him through the ringer again dont we

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multimetaverse · 4 years ago

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HSMTMTS 2x06 Review

Yes, And was a messy ep that brings us to the halfway point of the season. Let’s dig in!

Tonight took some big steps towards the Rini breakup. The conflict isn’t quite earned as they did too much too quickly in making Ricky overbearing; to go from Ricky supporting Nini going to YAC and them singing love songs to each other just 3 eps ago to Ricky now accusing Nini of changing because she didn’t get pineapple on her pizza just doesn’t work. Largely that’s because it’s clear that the writers are working backwards from an outline that requires Rini to be broken up before the finale.

The Rose song is great and Olivia’s vocals are wonderful as always but again it’s not quite earned. The lyrics make it seem like Nini thinks Ricky is holding her on a pedestal and holding her back when that’s not what we’ve seen on screen. Ricky and Nini went through a lot as they were finding their way back to each other and they learned not to see each other through rose coloured glasses and while Ricky was sad that Nini went to YAC he was supportive and respected her wishes, notably the only time he admitted how much he wanted Nini to come back to Salt Lake was after Nini had already made up her mind to return.

Rini was always going to break up both because writers struggle with writing happy or stable couples and because Tim became enamoured of Rina after writing 1x05 and will want to explore them at some point. Tim’s claimed that he has future seasons all planned out but I’m skeptical that he’s really thought out how to keep Ricky and Nini and Gina on goodish terms with each other for the remaining 2 seasons of the show while also not completely closing the door on the Rini endgame the show’s been aiming towards since the pilot.

It’s clear that Ricky has unresolved issues from his mom effectively abandoning him which are impairing all his relationships. And while it’s true he could try calling Lynne it’s the parents job to reach out and she is obviously fine living her life without Ricky. Not sure how much closure we can get with Lynne when she comes back in 2x09 but I hope we at least get an apology on her part.

Yet another ep of Gina going through it. That flashback to Gina tearfully telling Ricky that she wouldn’t have ‘’given up on us’’ if she hadn’t moved certainly paints Ricky’s behaviour this season in a worse light. I do hope the show doesn’t take the cowards way out and have Ricky being too stupid to realize that Gina had romantic feelings for him. Though again we run into the problem that these emotions aren’t fitting the story. There really wasn’t an ‘us’ for Gina to fight for, she and Ricky had only been hanging from 1x05-1x08 and never actually dated or went on dates. Also by this point Gina should be questioning her feelings for Ricky and whether he’s worth it; it’s not like he’s done anything nice for her this season like getting her chocolates for Valentine’s Day.

Still Gina did make some strides tonight. She finally opened up to Ashlyn which seems to have lifted a weight off of her shoulders and makes the decision to stay in Salt Lake. She also brushes off Ricky wanting to be improv partners which leads to her accepting EJ’s offer which led to a sweet callback to them being wonderstudies. I’m glad she’s not going to Louisiana but it does mean we were robbed of a HSMTMTS/Secrets of Sulphur Springs crossover.

Kourtney and Howie are finally together. I’m glad they didn’t waste time dragging this out. Kourtney’s confession was very in character and I liked the earlier hufflepuff dragging. As an aside I wonder if say 10 years in the future, shows will still be making light hearted unqualified references to Harry Potter or will J.K. Terfling have completely destroyed the goodwill the series has by then.

Lily continues to act as if she’s in Glee working for Sue Sylvester to take down the One Directions and honestly I’m here for it. I especially liked that she stole some of the condiments on her way out of Salt Lake Slices. Antoine seems alright, the espionage bit was funny. Seems like Salt Lake City would be a pretty shitty place for a French student to study.

EJ remains underused especially since this is his last semester as a student. His Gaston answer was surprisingly thoughtful and hinted at him getting over Nini with Gina as he sat down next to her. His may I have this exercise was just the right amount of smooth and goofy.

Ashlyn had a good ep, she killed Home, Julia has a great voice. And she stood her ground with Gina but was also there for her and managed to help her decide to stay. Loved her line that she was still part Caswell.

Mike Bowen is sweet, thoughtful, and rocking that beard? Must have been hard for Miss. Jenn to let him go but ultimately she made the right decision as it would just be too messy to date the parent of one of your students.

Lots of funny little moments this ep; the camera panning to the exit sign during Gina’s confessional, the group chat with Miss. Jenn and the real group chat without her, Seb hula-hooping with wild abandon.

Looking Ahead:

Well we’re now at the official halfway mark of the season. It’s been an uneven first half, lots of pacing issues, and clear signs of the covid pandemic impacting production. Disney + has announced that future seasons of Disney + originals will be released on Wednesdays from now on so we have that to look forward to for S3 and S4.

Carlos uploading the Rose song will inevitably lead to disaster. Nini is very right to tell Kourtney not to let Ricky know, the lyrics paint him in a very bad light. The song gives us more context for why Lily said to Ricky that his gf needed some space in the trailer. I suspect Lily will end up being the party crasher that Ricky re-evaluates in 2x12, I don’t think Tim is going to keep Lily as a one dimensional antagonist this entire season.

Ricky said in 2x01 that he’s never breaking up with Nini again and I think that’s true because Nini will break up with him. I think it comes before 2x12, maybe them exploring an old haunt in 2x08 is where it happens though the description for 2x11 also sounds like it could be hinting at a Rini breakup.

Well we now know what one of the secrets rising between Gina and Nini will be in 2x10, Nini was already jealous of Gina and Ricky in S1 and I doubt she’ll enjoy hearing that Gina confessed to Ricky in 1x10. Since Gina has already confessed to Ricky it makes it less likely that her speaking her truth in 2x12 is related to her and Ricky.

EJ and Gina doing the morning announcements starts next ep, that should be fun. Especially since Mazzara is aware of EJ’s feelings for Gina. There’s a pretty clear path to end the season with Portwell or at least set it up for S3. EJ already likes Gina, the announcements help bring them closer, Gina starts getting over Ricky and realizes that EJ puts her first, maybe Mazzara helps one or both of them at the cast party, and Gina shares her truth and confesses to EJ. So far the show hasn’t done anything it can’t pull back from but sooner or later the writing will have to commit one way or the other. One thing I’ll say is that it’s already clear that making EJ a senior was a big mistake and I expect it to cause a lot more problems for the show in the remaining two seasons.

There’s also a path for Ricky and Gina to get together but that seems less likely given the clear mess Ricky is right now. Seeing his mom in 2x09 probably helps a bit but it’s hard to see how any relationship Ricky gets into won’t swiftly crash and burn. There’s also the matter of when exactly Rini break up, if it’s too late in the season then there wouldn’t be time to jump right into Rina. There’s also the matter of the unexpected facetime call he gets in 2x10 and the party crasher he re-evaluates in 2x12. Even if they’re not linked it does suggest there will be some curveballs in Ricky’s story and at least the party crasher info suggests there’s some non Rini or Rina related twist being planned for Ricky in 2x12.

Until next week Wildcats

#HSMTMTS #Rini #Rina #Portwell #Ricky Bowen #Gina Porter #Nini Salazar-Roberts #EJ Caswell #HSMTMTS Reviews

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vivi-rh · 4 years ago

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hsmtmts season 2 finale thoughts. spoiler warning.

oh my god. wow. ok

the fact that we never got to see the beast transformation when it was literally the cliff hanger of the last episode???? goodbye. AND WE NEVER SAW ASHLYN IS THE YELLOW BALLGOWN?? kill me kill me now

as much as i think ashlyn is a lesbian and is not romantically attracted to big red, their little thing that he did for her was so cute. they would be such cute friends. and i love how the entire cast knew and was just watching them. adorable.

howie is so sus. it was cute and all that kourt was making him nervous cause he’s so in awe of her but you cannot tell me he wasn’t up to something in the last episode *cough cough helping lily steal the harness cough cough*

SPEAKING of the devil let’s discuss the worst decision ricky has ever made. now ok i get it, she’s manipulating him, he doesn’t know she stole his harness, she’s a great actress and acts very genuine around him. and ricky has a very pure soul and believes in second chances (no pun intended) so of course he’s going to call her. i honestly don’t even blame ricky for this. i blame lily for being such a manipulative cold-hearted bitch.

moving on, gini. the hand hold. enough said.

i am a proud multishipper so while i freak out over gini, i am also going to freak out over portwell. let’s just take a moment of silence for matt’s acting skills. the way his face fell when he cancelled on gina and she walked away and stuff??? oh my god. i was sobbing. broke me. when ashlyn said that she didn’t know gina saw ej as a brother figure, a weight was lifted off my heart. i was cheering. i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the miscommunication trope and the fact that this time it only lasted one episode… i was ECSTATIC. portwell is adorable. i wish they would’ve kissed onscreen but i do understand the actor’s age differences so i get it.

if miss jenn and mr mazzara don’t get together i’m going to sue disney. i swear to fucking god. they are one of the only reasons i stuck through the beginning of season 2.

ej helping mr maz get that job???? adorable. so cute. ej caswell, my beloved.

while we’re on the topic of student / teacher relationship, let’s briefly discuss ricky and miss jenn. as much as i don’t ship ricky’s dad and miss jenn, miss jenn could be an amazing parental figure in ricky’s life. him giving her his blessing to date his dad and then her saying he deserves to be happy and then him saying that she does too??? my god. i was hysterically sobbing, my brother was concerned. UNDERRATED RELATIONSHIP🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣

i have so many more thoughts but i think i need to end it with, “i hated it because it was a horrible episode but i liked all the individual parts of it. 4/10.”

feel free to give me ur reactions :)

#hsmtmts #hsm the musical #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #hsmtmts season 2 finale #hsmtmts season 2 finale spoilers #gina hsmtmts #gini #portwell #oh also the rini scene was so cute #i’m so excited for them to be friends again #no i don’t ship them #big red #big red x ashlyn #ashlyn caswell #miss jenn #mr mazzara

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meiishu · 3 years ago

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lthoughts on hsmtmts episode 7 under the cut

i just wanna start by saying this was my favorite episode so far!! i love the pacing and the costumes and how we got so many different character relationships interacting and helping one another out. im gonna talk about each character in their own paragraph rather than try to remember what happened when i bounce around all the time lmao

first off: my boy ricky bowen. first off, ricky stuffing his face with pizza is a solid MOOD. love that he’s just being silly and having a good time. like, in past seasons, ricky has been focused on romance, on chasing nini or finding validation through a partner. im glad that even though he has very obvious feelings for gina that he’s working through, he’s not letting that control himself. he was very selfish when it came to nini, interjecting himself into her hobby when she didn’t want him there, forcing himself as a wedge between her and EJ’s relationship, trying to win her back. then trying to control her feelings when they had their breakup in season 2. i LOVE how ricky has grown from that, and how he’s changed his tune. with gina, he’s not being selfish. he’s looking out for her, he sees her first in the room, but he keeps his distance, because he respects her relationship with EJ. and he values their friendship. honestly, this is the arc ricky needed. i complained in the past about him and his character being too focused on romance. im glad to see his bond with carlos, and jet, and the guys and even his friendships with the girls really take center stage. EVEN WHEN HE KNEW EJ AND GINA HAD BROKEN UP, he refused to admit what he said on camera to gina. which, on the one hand, boy you better tell her because she’s gonna find out, but on the other hand, really shows ricky’s character development. rather than “jump on the oppertunity” so to speak, he feels bad about gina and EJ breaking up. because he cares about both of them. also, his salt towards EJ is real this season. i think he definitely still cares about EJ, but he’s mad that EJ isn’t giving gina the attention she deserves or treating her well. very interested to see how EJ and Ricky’s relationship will go from here, because EJ very clearly thinks/knows that Ricky has lingering feelings, and feels as though gina too has lingering feelings for ricky.

onto my boy Elton john!!!! really loved EJs prom outfit in this episode. love his little elvis dance too!! this episode really showed me how little FUN the writers actually gave EJ this season. like, i get that he likes to be in control and is worried about the play, but he really has no chance to goof off and be silly like the others. there were a few moments this episode (early on, at the end with the ice bucket thing) where we get to see EJ actually having a good time. he was literally set up to FAIL this season and i hate it. i wish they kept miss jenn as the director and let EJ, you know, be a KID. i felt so mad when he was blowing off gina for the script and show and events. when gina had her grand entrance, he didn’t even look nearly as stunned as ricky did, which made me mad at EJ. to be honest i feel like EJ feels like gina still likes ricky, and i think he’s pushing himself away because he feels like it’s easy to blame ricky for why they aren’t working. (when gina brought up certain moments, EJ was quick to say, “i think those two moments had a person in common”, implying ricky). He’s going to blame ricky for at least some of their breakup I can already tell, especially when that footage is leaked. I wish EJ got the chance to be himself this season. the pressure from his dad, the musical, and corbin bleu really got to him and made him revert to how he was in season one -- desperate to prove himself instead of desperate to be himself. Loved his little happy moment with madison though!!! he was so glad to see her. Also, ej still hasn’t had a musical solo.... will he ever get one this season... i suppose we’ll find out. I’m a bit worried that the writers are writing him out of the main group so that he won’t be in season 4, which saddens me.

moving to ashlyn!!! im so glad that she can be herself now. when carlos gave her that pin i literally wanted to cry. so SWEET. im so glad for ashlyn discovering a part of herself!! i did whish that big red would have made an appearance when seb did, but it would’ve thrown a lot of tension for ashlyn that i dont think she needs right now so from a writing standpoint i guess i get it. really hoping that next season she has a conversation with big red!!! also jsut because she’s bi does not mean they have to break up!!!! i KNOW for a fact big red would support his bi girlfriend. in fact i believe he too is bi. they are bi for bi and i will accept nothing less. ashlyn and carlos as best friends just warms my heart to pieces!!! i love that disney+ is showing the younger audience watching this show that while ashlyn is in a relationship and loves her boyfriend, she’s discovered she’s bi, and that’s OK. it’s not like she has to dump big red immediately and date a girl, you know? it’s just a part of her, her joining the community.

i really like how in the last few scenes of the episode, she encouraged kourtney. i remember a common critique in the early episodes was how badly ashlyn took being put in the ensemble, and here’s a moment where kourtney actually asks ashlyn to take her place she she refuses, encouraging her friend instead! I LOVE the friendship between all of the girls. when she started the therapy song for Kourtney it was so sweet! and kourntey’s moment climbing the rock wall was so good, too. I have a feeling next episode is going to have a lot of kourtney-focus, and I am SO READY for it. i want to see her excel as elsa. i want to see her belt let it go so bad.

also, that moment when maddox and EJ were talking about madison and ej says, “so you didnt get distracted by any of the girls this summer” and maddox was staring at ashlyn??? I CALLED IT! DID I NOT CALL THAT MADDOX HAD A THING FOR ASHLYN!!! I DID!!

jet and maddox really shone this episode. I love their musical number -- that weird 70s remix wouldn’t change a thing was a bop idc what anyone says. i love that jet reached out to madison. it really gave maddox the opportunity to really talk to madison, get some closure, and maybe even some hope for the future. also JOJO SIWA!!!!! i love that maddox and jet are moving towards a more understanding relationship. I’m also glad that, while maddox’s texts were exposed to their parents, their parents biggest concern was her ‘texting after midnight’. it makes me think that jet didn’t result in anything super negative for her... like forcibly outing her/getting her in trouble, stuff like that. and that maddox’s anger (totally justified) was just about her messages and relationship being exposed and not about any punishment she received for it. ALSO we have answers, people!! maddox is older!

lastly i want to give my girl gina a section!!! she was absolutely glowing when she and the other girls burst into the scene at prom. i feel so bad for her. gina was so ready to have a good summer with the guy who was always there, and then... he’s never there. feels like their relationship, which we saw built up in season 2, crashed. im glad gina was the dump-er. she deserved to put her foot down about feeling unappreciated and unloved. gina is in for a wild ride next episode i bet -- when she finds out the truth about what ricky said. i loved gina’s moments with maddox, gina, kourtney, and ashlyn. when ashlyn said “you know you’re one of us now right” to maddox, it was so sweet. i love their friendship so much. i hope that when kourtney is struggling with the show next week, gina is able to help her out as her sister-on-stage!! frankly, gina deserves to be focused on having fun outside of her relationship (lackthereof) right now because shes been trying so hard meanwhile EJ has been giving her like, 40 percent effort.

and lastly, my thoughts on the ships still remain: while I do love portwell, i think EJ will have to fight 110 percent for gina to prove to her that his heart is still in the relationship. sadly, i feel like EJ has already given up the second ricky came to came. and i feel like ricky is just fighting more for gina. like i said, not against portwell or rina, but i have a feeling we are heading towards rina in the finale. while i still like the idea of jet/ricky and my bisexual ricky arc, i dont think it’ll be happening this season (perhaps next season)?. BUT!!!! MADDOX AND ASHLYN!!!! my new ship. well, not new. but i really like them. I still love big red though and would only accept maddox/ashlyn developing farther than maddox’s onesided crush if big red got his own arcs/developments and wasnt just mentioned in passing.

ALSO!!!! SEBASTIAN AND CARLOSSSSS! SEBLOOOOOS!!!!! I was sooo happy when i saw sebastian!!! and i loved carlos taking a chance and doing the bucket challenge. also EJ’s supportive “we dont’ do hazing. you do what you’re comfortable doing” was really nice. i want more of EJ supporting the others instead of stressing them out.

also, sebastian interrupting ej and gina with “ELTON JOHN!!?!” killed me. like read the room seb

this got a lot longer than i thought, but i just had a lot of thoughts about this episode i guess.

#hsmtmts #mac speaks #hsmtmts conversations #hsmtmts season 3 episode 7

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missjennskiario · 4 years ago

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Hello HSMTMTS nation and hello Portwell nation,

Long time. First of all, we got the season 3 announcement yesterday!!! Exciting!! A few things to unpack. First, with the news of a renewal came a brief synopsis about the plot of season 3:

“That seems like the reasoning behind the next season of Disney+’s High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, which will send its characters off from their regular lives and to “the ultimate summer at sleepaway camp, complete with campfires, summer romances and curfew-less nights” when it returns for a third season.” (from this Vulture article https://www.vulture.com/2021/09/hsm-tm-ts-season-3-will-head-to-the-theater-camp.html)

I FINALLY get to share my summer camp prediction/headcannon that I’ve been stirring around since it was rumored back in early summer:

The summer camp the Wildcats end up at is the camp EJ and Nini met at. I think this could open HUGE doors in way of character development for both Nini and EJ. First, during Nini’s last stay at that camp she was boy-obsessed, and unsure of her talents. Now, she has realized her own self worth outside of boys and has a record deal in the works. During EJ’s last summer he was selfish, vindictive, guarded, and willing to do whatever it took to get what he wanted. Now going into this summer, he’s discovered new hobbies (hey, AV club) and been able to step outside himself and become a much more grounded, and humble person.

I think it would be wonderful to see both of them struggle with keeping their heads about them and confronting being in this familiar place as these new people. However, I want to see them succeed. This should be a plot device to solidify their development not have it backslide. Maybe old camp rivalries test them to see just how much they’ve changed, and maybe new ones will too (I would love to see North High end up at the same camp and be forced to work with the Wildcats but more on that later).

I definitely see EJ and Nini being driving forces in this season. Not in a pushing other people to the background way or anything like that, but in a “they know the camp the best and they’re two team leaders for different recon missions” way.

Speaking of recon missions and rivals, let’s revisit the East/North high alliance. I see a really fun and interesting “unlikely alliance/the enemy of my enemy is my friend” dynamic playing out here, especially if the writers really wanna push Ricky/Lily. I think there could be great set-up for this in the first episode alone. Stay with me here:

It starts with the East High kids on a bus to camp. There’s some banter and Ricky seems too engrossed in his phone to keep up with what’s going on. We see he’s texting Lily and he’s trying to keep it a secret from the other Wildcats cause he isn’t sure how to tell them. They show up and as they’re unloading they see another bus pulling in and out pour the North High kids. They argue and groan at each other and Mr. Theatre Dad Mazzarra plays peacemaker (along with the poor unwitting camp counselor). There’s a scene between Jenn and Zack where she tells him that if the North High kids sabotage this for the East High kids there will be hell to pay. There’s cute little moments with the couples, friend banter, etc. as they settle in. Ricky sneaks off to meet Lily and they turn up at the all-camp meeting late walking in exactly 30 sec. after each other (Kourtney and Carlos timed it). After the meeting, another group of kids approach them. They’re from a performing arts school that just opened up and is VERY prestigious (or I even see them being from YAC interesting. There are more interesting dynamics with Nini that could play out there). The other kids talent and experience threaten even the most seasoned kids of the groups and they go back to their respective spots in camp feeling uneasy. There’s a similar situation with their director and Jenn/Mazzarra/Zack.

Later that night, the girls cabin is talking and freaking out about these new kids, then they get a knock on their door. The boys are having the same thoughts. They sit in the cabin talking when there’s ANOTHER knock on the door. This time it’s the North High kids lead by Lily and Antoine. They suggest a truce and an alliance to take these other kids down. The East High kids agree and the episode ends on a tight-shot of a handshake between two of the kids. The rest of the season, hijinks ensue.

(tim, hire me!)

I think this could open doors for interactions between characters we don’t normally see together or would usually have no reason to be together. Maybe Big Red and Antoine get stuck on a recon mission together. Maybe Lily and Gina put their power to good use to take the other kids down (Gina 1.0 moments but for good this time). I also see it offering new conflicts that don’t heavily center around love-triangles and relationships. It would be interesting and fresh.

As for guest appearances and new characters, Kevin McHale has said he’d love to be a camp counselor and I FULLY endorse that. I’d love to see him as the nervous mediator between the grumpy and dramatic directors. I don’t have any casting choices in mind yet for new characters but like I said I’d love kids from EJ and Nini’s summer to show up and if the rival school is YAC, I’d love to see Nini have to confront those kids too.

That’s all I have for now but I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts the more information we get, so stay tuned.

#Portwell #hsmtmts #gina porter #ej caswell #ashlyn caswell #big red #ricky bowen #kourtney greene #sebastian Matthew-Smith #carlos rodriguez #high school musical the musical the series

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beyondd-dazedd · 4 years ago

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EPISODE👏 REVIEW👏 hsmtmts season 2 episode 10: get ready for some enthusiastic writing and a little too much looking into details

first off seb doing the intro made my heart happy i love him

ok i know everyone has been saying it but there is no way in hell they’re winning the menkies. unless the writers just go with the main character favoritism route, there’s just no way. however for the sake of comedy, watching ashlyn give us everything in the transformation scene and ricky being an absolute disaster is SO funny to me. like shout out to joshua because that scene made me laugh so hard. also a trio i need more of is kourt, red and ej. i just feel like they would be dramatic gossipy bitches and i love that for them.

normally i think ms. jenn’s reactions are over the top but after seeing the shit show that just occurred 2 mins before... i think her reaction is very valid because oh god.

continuing with the theme of friendship dynamics we haven’t seen a lot of but we absolutely need more of, ashlyn and ricky!! that scene was so sweet and wholesome. i’m so so so glad the writers didn’t fall into the trap of making characters take sides after a break up. i just feel like it’s been done a million times before. but seeing ashlyn being so genuine when checking up in ricky made me so happy. the caswells remain being the superior characters (including gina obvs)

ms. jenn and mr. mazzarra are cute don’t get me wrong but they should’ve spent more time developing that relationship instead giving ms. jenn like 3 random love interests and that’s all i’ll say on that.

i love imagining what characters are saying when they’re just ad libbing. like what could ej, gina, ricky and red be talking about before carlos shows up to start the scene?? my guess is they’re all gushing about how amazing ash is and no i don’t take criticisms on that.

alright i’ll say it. the seblos drama is weak at best. they didn’t spend enough time developing it and kind of pushed it to the background so when it was one of the main focuses of the episode it was kind of like ok?? HOWEVER i did love the resolution to it and the deeper look into their individual characters. (i’ll talk more about this later)

carlos calling ms. jenn mother and everyone immediately knowing who he was talking about sent me omfg. but also who the fuck let these high schoolers try to figure out this transformation scene by themselves?? they collectively have 2 brain cells and they just bounce around between the 9 of them depending on the scene. but playful sleepover competition!! also gina nudging ej when he goes a little too ej 1.0 was everything.

i hate lily and i love sassy red. that’s all.

(im going to talk about the boys/girls sleepovers like they’re each one continuous scene respectively because it’s way easier than switching back and forth)

fun new friendship dynamics!! the boys!! sebbie and the girls! iconic. i know that the show is meant to be in a mockumentary style so we only see parts of the characters lives but i would give my left arm to see the boys getting closer and becoming friends. this is also the first scene where i really noticed ricky’s shirt. ricky is queer disney are just cowards. i’m not a big ricky/ ej shipper but the pretty boy had me feeling some type of way. carlos being worried about seb and their relationship and then red being like well this is why. bc he’s got a spy on the inside was peak friendship. but seriously disney?? just say gay. it’s not a bad word. now imma freak out about PORTWELL OMFG I WAS ALREADY FREAKING OUT DURING THIS SCENE SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW WELL I WAS DOING LATER ON. but ej just being like im not ready to put myself out there because of nini i don’t wanna get rejected... again. my heart went out to him. you can really see how much he’s grown as a person. but sure ej y’all are “buddies” also him saying the one thing i’m proud of from my time with nini was letting her go and ricky’s reaction to that hurt me to my core.

alright let’s talk about the girls and seb. first off i love that they’re actually working and the boys are doing fuck all LOL. seb actually talking about how he feels?? good for him. i hate that he thinks that carlos is only with him because there’s limited options but at least he’s talking about it. a moment of silence for ash’s scissor bucket (i won’t make a gay joke. i won’t make a gay joke. i won’t-) anyways... i really thought that maybe ash would know about portwell but it’s fucking EVERYONE. like y’all are that perceptive about other peoples relationships but not your own?? that’s why all y’all have relationship drama. gina not wanting to put herself out there because she’s afraid of getting hurt?? ouch. gina thinking ej is just being nice?? ouch but also gina, sis?? what. also nini reacting that way to the chocolates is so out of pocket. like 1) y’all aren’t dating anymore so what’s got you so pressed? 2) gina made it clear that they weren’t actually from ricky 3) nini you know they had some sort of chemistry before you and ricky got back together so this really shouldn’t be that surprising.

anyways the scene with ricky and carlos broke me. the decision for ricky to not show nini the song was so mature. despite wanting to get her back, he KNOWS that that would only drag her back and that’s not fair to her and he knows it. but his awareness of seblos’s relationship and wanting to help carlos work things out with seb was so wholesome and so sweet and is kind of a big moment of character development for him this season. like he was generally very selfish this season (again i’m a ricky apologist til the day i die but he was so selfish) and seeing him take the focus away from his problems to help carlos out was so sweet. also i need more ricky/carlos friendship moments.

kourt talking about howie learning her love language?? bitch you mean espionage?? i mean me too but that’s so fucking funny

ALRIGHT THIS IS THE PARAGRAPH WHERE I SCREAM ABOUT PORTWELL!!! i am so so so so happy right now about this. the fact that ej asked about risotto but for real was so satisfying and was blatantly like him saying i know we faked being in a relationship but what about it not being fake and omfg that’s so amazing. also gina being skeptical and asking if ash put him up to it and him saying not that i know of?? THE PARALLELS?? also gina this whole season has been talking about signs and finding reasons to stay, finding signs to know if someone is right for her and you can literally see the moment she realizes she said the same thing about the duke sweatshirt to jack. SHE KNOWS THIS IS HER SIGN and that’s so special to me. also ej’s nervous laugh after she says yes?? omfg. let’s look at ej’s character. historically he’s confident, cocky and generally puts on this facade of having his shit together but gina makes him nervous (in a good way). he doesn’t feel like he has to pretend to be confident around her. he’s showing her that he’s just as nervous as she is about this and that is just *chefs kiss* honestly not to be an andi mack stan but ej’s little nervous chuckle and ok after she says yes sounds like he’s letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding which seriously parallels tj after the tyrus confession. i’m just saying. ALSO GINA’S LITTLE EXCITED WALK BACK TO THE GROUP AHHHHHH

the seblos song?? i have no notes. it was incredible. frankie killed that shit. it was such a good song. so sweet. so wholesome. also ricky and carlos’s hug was so fucking meaningful to both of them and you can tell. ricky was absolutely beaming because he helped the two of them and it feels like a little bit of season 1 ricky shining through.

WHO THE FUCK LET A BUNCH OF HIGH SCHOOLERS RIG A KID IN THE AIR COMPLETELY UNSUPERVISED?? of course ricky fucking fell. that group shares 2 brain cells. obviously some dumb shit was going to happen

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #seblos #portwell #rini #brenn’s hsmtmts shitpost

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tvandenneagram · 4 years ago

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HSMTMTS: Ricky Bowen - Type 6w7

Ricky is nervous, caring, kind and funny. Ricky cares deeply about stability and craves a safe place in his relationships.

At his best, Ricky can be selfless in his relationships. For example, he decides to step away from his role as Troy to not ruin the musical or Nini’s chances of getting accepted into the Youth Actors Conservatory.

At his worst, Ricky can be closed-off and reactive, as we see when he is stressed about his mother ‘abandoning’ him and his father. Ricky can also be a bit controlling when he feels scared, as we see in his relationship with Nini.

6s can often mask their feelings through humour, which Ricky often does. Ricky seems to be very emotional, but sometimes has a hard time conveying his feelings. This was one of the main sources of conflict between Nini and Ricky, as Ricky couldn’t understand his feelings until it was too late. However, once Ricky realises he is in love with Nini, he tries his best (even joining the musical) to get her back and show her that he is 100% committed to the relationship.

However, as Ricky’s friendship with Gina progresses, he starts to have conflicting feelings and doesn’t know how to deal with them. The way I see it, Ricky may have feelings for Gina, but he doesn’t want to leave the ‘safe place’ he has with Nini. Nini has always been a constant in his life, and in a time where his life is constantly changing with his parents’ divorce, he feels like he needs to hang on to the last shred of his life before it all changes. Nevertheless, Ricky wants to keep Gina in his life and almost takes advantage of the way she feels about him by overstepping his boundaries with her.

gif by @neve-campbells

6s really value loyalty and having a sense of community which we see with Ricky in many of his relationships. He has a strong bond with Big Red and tries to help him come out of his shell. He also grows to really enjoy being a part of the musical and even chooses to audition for the next musical, despite Nini not being there. Ricky also wants to be honest and true to Nini, but ends up becoming too obsessive and clingy, and has to let her go.

Ricky has a wing 7 as he is more expressive, extroverted and outgoing than a 6w5 is.

Tri-type: 6w7 - 9w8 - 4w3

Some quotes to describe Ricky’s motivations

“You’re my home.”

“I’m scared. I’m really scared this time. It feels different already.”

Ricky: “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time you picked up your ukelele and you wrote a song about clouds. A silly little song about clouds. I love you. And that night in your room, when you told me you loved me, I meant to say it. I meant to say it, and I’ve kicked myself every day since then, because I didn’t say it. But I do. I love you. I’ve loved you since 7th grade when I made you ride in the front row of Demon’s Destiny at Six Flags, and you told me you sometimes get a little seasick on roller coasters, and I said, ‘Come on, live a little.’” Nini: “I remember.” Ricky: “And then I puked all over your shoes, and you didn’t even make me feel bad about it. No, you just said um…” Nini: “No worries. I’ve been wanting to get rid of these shoes for awhile.” Ricky: “Yeah, because you outgrew them. The thing is I never outgrew you. And I don’t really know what happens tomorrow or in two minutes when we walk out that door. All I know is I want this feeling to keep going. Because this whole experience I’m just…I’m not ready for it to be over. For us to be, I mean. And if that means doing another musical, then fine.” Nini: “I get to pick the musical.” Ricky: “Fine. That’s fine. It’s all fine. I just…I don’t want this to be just a showmance. Really. I want it to be the real thing. I mean, I think it is the real thing. I just…I want a chance to prove it. I do.”

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organic-guacamole · 4 years ago

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205 SPOILERS (ignore if the points are out of order, I was sobbing so much I couldn't write it down in order😭)

My first thought when the episode started: "what in the horror movie-"

And then that shifted into "aw Seb's animals, Jimmy with social anxiety is my favourite"

Then at some point I'm thinking, "Zackey, with all due respect, shut up"

"Those hips never lie" ok Ms Jenn, there are children present.

Enough of this man's crusty face, lets talk about seblos holding hands in school.

And omg Carlos' locker is adorable.

Where can I get Seb's flannel though, that's the real question.

What is up with the sexual tension in this season-

First redlyn during the blackout and now Rini in the barn? y'all go to horny jail

Seb is adorable.

Gina what did you do-

She's scaring me, what happened that night???

The after the musical video calls we got were so ambiguous too. if they don't address this asap I will scream, it'll be just like them to drop this plot point and then forget about it.

Ricky.

Gina.

RICKY-

GINA-

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT RICHARD???

YOU'RE NOT DATING, STOP DOING THAT

GINA OMG YEAH GO OFF ON THIS IDIOT BUT STILL IT WAS HYPOTHETICAL CALM DOWN-

Anyways.

Mike Bowen is hot.

I said what I said.

The ok boomer-

I cant-

"I WAS BORN IN THE 70S"

I love Mike

Mike really dressed up for this woman-

I must admit, the writing for the adults is very interesting imo. I genuinely want to see what's going to happen, who's she going to pick?

Mike? aka "her biggest crush in salt lake"

Benjamin? aka "her arsonist partner"

Zackey Roy? aka "her gay ex boyfriend"

*sniff sniff* What's that I smell?

Jealousy, jealousy following Benjamin Mazzara.

Honest Abe who?

I only know honest Seb.

But fr, how adorable is it that he can't lie to the people he loves, so he just keeps his mouth shut so he doesn't say the truth?

Seb is adorable.

how did ash and Biggie make all those pizzas in a few hours-

honestly-

I've said this before and I'll say it again,

Don't: make Kourtney and Howie a thing.

Do: make them both gay and best friends.

YAY EJ!!!

As someone in the hsmtmts discord server said, "Wait Matt Cornett is in this show?"

Round of applause for Gina's dance. Also it seems like we're shipping Gina and Kaden(platinum blond dancer for those who don't know) now....I don't make the rules🤷🏽‍♀️

Alright here's the moment we've literally all been waiting for:

The Seb seranade.

The way Seb was inspired by Carlos all those years ago made me tear up full on sob.

Who made those mean comments? Drop the addy, I just wanna talk.🔪

Me after the song finished: sobbing "CARLOS BABY GET UP THERE AND KISS YOUR BOYFRIEND"

Me when Carlos stood up: "ITS HAPPENING"

Me when Carlos hugged seb: "ROBBED, IVE BEEN ROBBED! IM CALLING THE POLICE THIS ISNT FAIR"

Me when they lean in again: "OK WAIT"

Me and the police officer when they finally kiss: jumping up and down squealing "FINALLY"

I'm a little bit upset someone's head was blocking half of it but still, it's been years so I'm honestly just glad they got to kiss on screen.

Seb is adorable.

So after all that, I was an emotional mess, shaking like a jackhammer and spamming the server, and when Carlos chooses Ms Jenn as his madrina....I FULLY LOST IT.

"I look like the clown from IT" girl I look like that every day and I don't even wear makeup-

The writers of this show really don't like us to be happy for more than 5 seconds huh? the proof is that EJ's only on screen for 5 seconds at a time

They really had all that emotion, just to slap us in the face with reality/Lily and Zackey's faces.

But like, is that allowed in the Menkies? To just steal the musical that another school already registered with?

And why don't they just try harder with the little mermaid instead of trying to sabatoge and take over the one thing east high has???

But I mean, go off ig.

EJ and Mr Mazzara is like, the duo I never expected, but already love so much. I can't tell if they're "bros" or if they have a father-son relationship. Either way, I hope we get a lot more of it.

EJ's so sweet to Gina in this episode but I don't like the way he looked at her near the end.

Like yeah I like portwell, but as friends. Ignoring for now the fact that Gina is 15 and EJ is literally 18, I don't want them to be anything more than friends because rn it just seems like they're the "leftovers" so the writers wanna couple them up and get it over with.

But please, no.

Gina really just said "lemme crush their little hearts even more, right at the end😁"

Honestly, I feel really bad for her. I totally get where she's coming from with everything. I still don't condone the way she's been treating Ashlyn, not at all, but I understand how she may be excusing it in her own mind.

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ewwhothefuckiski · 4 years ago

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You Said Forever- Joshua Bassett

Joshua Bassett × fem!reader

Requested: no, I was trying to sleep and suddenly had this idea so here we are.

TW: Swearing, angst, emotional trauma, mentions of death

Taglist: @tclklater @spicygemini17 @bonobos-candy-bar @kaylinfayezink @jxznotfound {lmk if ya want to be added!!}

A/N: I apologise in advance 🤧 you can thank @hermes-creature and @nickalicious for fueling this fire. And yes this was heavily inspired on his new ep and Olivia's Driver's License. No not for the drama

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Love is hard. It can be wonderful, breathtaking. But it can also be painful, soul crushing even. When you fall in love, you give someone your all, you hand over your heart and pray that they don't break it.

But they will- It's inevitable.

Or at least, that's what Y/N told herself as she sat alone in what used to be her and Joshua's bedroom, holding their promise rings and letting out heart wrenching sobs.

She looked around, every picture of her and Josh like a new slap in the face. She looked back down at the rings, screaming as she threw them at the mirror resting on their dresser, shattering the glass.

Her hands tangled into the roots of her hair, tugging as she hugged her knees into her chest, rocking back and forth letting the sobs rock her body.

She didn't think Josh would leave her, he had been by her side since they were 16. But he did. They screamed at each other until they were red in the face; him eventually giving up and packing his bag.

Y/N screamed at him more, this time with tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you doing this?" She cried, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her. "You are the one who's in the wrong here, and you just decide to leave?"

Joshua felt his heart break as he stared at the girl. She was broken, hurting- and it was his fault.

But then he thought back to her words from earlier, anger flaring in his chest again.

"I'm in the wrong here? Y/N, you blamed me for cheating on you because of your insecurities. You scream at me after I come home from filming, because you're jealous. I told you nothing was going on with Olivia. But you can't get it through your damn head. You made me choose between you and my job. So I did, and I choose my job. Don't try and put this on me."

"I thought you loved me." She sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself; an attempt to keep herself from falling apart.

Joshua sighed as he zipped his bag shut, turning to face her.

"God Y/N. I do love you, I love you so much- and I always will. But we can't do this anymore. We aren't good for each other."

"You promised me forever." She whispered, staring down at the ring sitting on his finger. He followed her gaze, his heart breaking as he realized what she had been looking at. He slipped the ring off of his finger, gently placing it in her hand, before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. He grabbed his bag and walked to the door, turning to look at the girl who stole his heart all those years ago one last time.

"Goodbye Y/N." He whispered, turning on his heel and shutting the door behind him before she could see the tears running down his face. He stood there for a minute, hearing her sobs through the door, before flinching as he heard glass shattering as she screamed. He sighed and continued his journey to his car, before he finally pulled out of the driveway and left the love of his life behind him.

×××

Joshua shouldn't have had the time to feel the deep ache in his chest with each waking minute that passed without Y/N by his side- HSMTMTS had hit it off and soon his career was launched into full swing. His fans demanding an EP, him booking auditions, all while doing interviews back to back about the "love triangle" between him, Olivia, and Sabrina- but he did.

The fans had all assumed that Josh's sudden change in behavior was because he and Olivia called things off, but in reality, he just hadn't been himself since he left Y/N.

Everyone but him had saw it. So Olivia and Sabrina had been spending a lot of time with him, trying to cheer him up. But the fans read to much into it.

Josh knew Y/N was seeing the articles, he knew she definitely didn't believe him now. All he wanted was to take back the day he walked out on her. But he couldn't, it was too late. She was better off without him now.

At least, that's what he told himself.

Little did he know, Y/N had fallen into the darkest state of depression after he left. She didn't leave her bed unless she had to. She cried, a lot. She didn't have the motivation to get up in the morning, to do the basic things such as take a shower, brush her teeth.

What was the point?

Her friends tried calling her, coming over to help her get out and do something, but she had lost any part of her soul she had left.

When Joshua left her, he took her heart with him. She gave him everything, just to feel like nothing in the end. She loved him with every fiber in her body, and that was the hardest thing for her.

Before she met Joshua, she had been left time and time again. First by her parents, and then eventually anyone she's ever came to care about. She shut everyone out after that, afraid to get attached again.

And then there he was. The brown eyed messy haired boy in the back of the coffee shop.

He looked terrified. His hands were shaking, his face pale, breaths coming up short. She knew that look all too well.

"Hey! Hey look at me."

He snapped his head up to look at the young girl, his brown eyes wide as she talked to him.

"Breathe with me ok? In through the nose for five seconds, out for ten."

She demonstrated what she meant, smiling when the boy started to copy her actions.

"Good, just like that. Again."

She took his shaking hands into hers, interlacing their fingers as they breathed together.

She didn't try and tell him he was gonna be ok, or to breathe because he's fine. She knew when you were having a panic attack, your body looses control of itself. She knew the best thing you could do is to just focus on your breathing until you gained control again.

After a while, Josh finally gained control of himself again. He looked down at their interlocked hands, blushing, but not pulling away.

"How did you-"

"You were having a panic attack. I have them all the time."

Joshua nodded, glancing from their hands back to the beautiful girl in front of him.

"I felt like I was going to die." He whispered, looking down in embarresment.

"I know."

He looked up at her, shocked.

"W-What?"

"Your whole body tingles, you can't slow your breathing, your heart beating so loud you swear your ears are gonna explode." She listed, smiling at him sadly, her heart aching for the boy. "It's like you can't control your own body."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, Yeah that's exactly what it felt like."

Y/N smiled softly, her thumb rubbing the back of his hand.

"How about some coffee, on me?"

Josh grinned at the girl in front of him. "That'd be great!"

After that, they had been inseparable.

Until now.

Now they were in separate places, trying to forget every painful memory they made together in the last 4 years.

Eventually, Y/N's friends got her out of bed, convinced her to come to the park with them. She reluctantly agreed, but only on the condition that she could drive herself- that way if needed she could leave whenever she wanted.

So she got up, took a shower, brushed her teeth, and put on the best clothes she could manage without breaking down because it brought her a memory of Josh- which was harder than you would think.

She made a mental note to go clothes shopping later.

She sighed as she sat in her car, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before starting the engine and pulling out of her driveway.

When she pulled into the park, it was deserted, and she sighed in relief. Her best friends sent a text saying they were on their way, so Y/N exited her car and sat on the park bench, waiting for them to show up.

Josh was exhilarated. He had just finished his first concert, and the feeling of the fans cheering as he sang was still alive and electric in his bones. His adrenaline was running so high he couldn't sit still.

So he decided to take a walk.

He wanted to go to the park, it was his comfort these last couple of months. It was a place where he could breathe, where he could be alone with his thoughts.

He usually thought about Y/N.

But today was different, he finally felt alive again. He was walking around the park, humming his songs to himself as he took in the stillness of this afternoon. If it hadn't been for the adrenaline coursing through his veins, he would have found it eerie.

But he didn't. So he kept walking and singing, relishing in the feeling of the wind running through his hair.

Until he heard an all too familiar voice.

She was singing- singing in a way that sounded sad, like every word she uttered was forced- but it was beautiful. He knew that voice the second he heard it, but he just couldn't believe it.

He rushed to hide behind a tree, peaking his head out to glimpse at the singing girl. He couldn't believe his eyes, there Y/N was, right in front of him, looking just as beautiful as the day he left her.

But she was different, he could see it in the way she slouched as she sat on the bench, slowly swinging her legs back and forth while singing to herself softly. She was hurting, and he knew it was because of him.

"Y/N-"

He meant to say it in his head, but her name had slipped past his lips, and her head whipped around, her eyes catching his. She gasped in shock, tears welling in her eyes as she looked at the boy who stole her heart away standing in front of her after spending so much time apart.

She stood up quickly, wiping her eyes and running in the opposite direction towards her car, she needed to get out of there before she broke even more. She knew it was a mistake coming here, she should've listened to herself.

"Y/N wait-" he called out, reaching out to stop her. But it was too late, she was already long gone and pulling out of her parking spot, tears clouding her vision. Joshua ran out from behind the tree, running up to her car, before he stopped dead in his tracks, watching the scene unfold in front of him.

Y/N had been speeding out of the parking lot and onto the street, not bothering to look before she slammed on the gas and pulling onto the street, before she saw a speeding car coming at her from the side, ramming into her before everything went black.

She finally found peace.

And Josh had just lost it.

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