#and what you interact with during your formative years can impact the way your brain interprets things and people around you

[onlineufo]

the paranoia perpetuated on social media is so sad

[unification]

the interesting thing about major life changes is how they show the extent to which a person is context dependent and how self perception is relational. and the bigger and more abrupt the changes, the easier this can be viewed. as in through removing absolutely everything, what becomes clear is the high degree of influence of external factors hold over your perception of/ relation to self, others and the world. people places institutions structures etc especially those present during your formative years are mediums from which you perceive and orient yourself. the boundary of self and environment is not clear cut, your surroundings leak into you and emergent properties arise from you as a response to feedback offered by external factors.

anyway. if you get rid of all of that in an instance, your frame of reference is destroyed. removing perceived fixed constants is removing the media is creating a vacuum where nothing inherently ties you to anything. things that were once perceived as unquestionable fundamental properties of self sort of just go. no longer applicable.

for example, at the time when i did this, i had only ever lived in one place. unconsciously, I perceived the place where i lived and had always lived as my “home”. in this place, the foundation of my conceptualization of the whole world was formed. in leaving that place, the concept of home no longer existed as an unquestionable fixed constant and the way that i perceived the world fundamentally changed.

more impactful is how interpersonal relationships function as entities and things about you end when relationships end. I left all the people in my life i perceived as fixed constants at that time. a part of myself was solely realised through interactions shared with those people. through leaving, the fundamental properties of me realised through those relationships no longer existed.

the takeaway being: >properties of self aren't fundamental universal truths but are conditional, context based truths. >the conditions that once existed for those things to arise in will never arise in the same way ever again >there is no guaranteed constant- internal or external, in relation to self or other >you will now go weird

this did something to my brain on a deeper level though, because none of my memories prior to this feel like they are really my memories, though i completely understand that they are.

[stellatenuem]

mmm love writing ren post-royal and his character regression and people hitting me with the 'thats ooc for joker though' and im like listen. listen? reverse character development is fun and sexy actually. let them become Worse

and within my ren's canon, a character regression works because ren was raised in an enmeshed family. and toxic familial abuse cycles are magnified by proximity. especially wherein the abuser is unable to see the victim as anything other than an extension of themselves.

an enmeshed victim doesnt act like themselves when under the abusers influence. ren the person takes a backseat to a series of behaviors (healthy or otherwise) he developed while trying to cope with and survive the trauma he went through while living with his parents for 16 whole years. that doesn't just... become resolved even though he was able to grow in tokyo.

if anything, something like that can make it even harder to be put back in that kind of environment. i speak from experience. its such a devastating thing. you live in the dysfunction for so long you dont realize its impact until youve been away from it. you were okay. you felt better and you didnt even realize it until things go back to the way they were before. that moment of mindfulness, of being horribly aware of the before and the after can be so depressing.

environment is everything.

during his year on probation ren started developing emotional equity and forming the closest thing they've had to secure attachments up to that point. ren arrived in tokyo traumatized. he was planning on keeping his head down and staying quiet. he didnt want to make any friends. he didn’t think he could. what would be the point in trying? others would make up their minds about him as soon as they’d find out he was a criminal. they would abandon him, too.

ren didn't trust anyone around him. they decided they would create a personality as cold and distant as they needed to in order to protect themselves. then the universe dropped one Ryuji Sakamoto in front of him and those plans began to fall apart. ryuji, ann, and morgana literally opened ren up to wanting to TRUST people again. that maybe he isn't as damned as he was made to believe.

he grew as a person and found where he belonged. but he isn't free yet. ren's parents do everything they can to erase that person. they still command enough control over ren through their traumabond that re-inspires rens learned fear of them. so ren's trauma brain allows them to slowly pick away at the confidence and sense of self he'd come to find. even if its a betrayal of himself. even if at times he's able to summon the courage of joker put up a fight, its rare for him to see any wins.

ren's parents rule by emotional abuse. fear. and isolation. they go from shaming him heavily for a year with the silent treatment, to scrutinizing and watching his every move. trying to have control over every aspect of him again. where he goes. who he talks to. what he spends money on. how he spends his time. ren begins regressing more and more. and its not only their toxicity that lend to this. even if his parents were healthy and loving, ren still would have struggled deeply because of everything he'd been through over the year he was away.

aside from the horrific trauma he endured at the hands of the police, being toyed with by a malevolent god who erased his friends from existence in front of his eyes, and being betrayed by an adult he trusted in maruki, ren lost goro twice, and in the wake of that loss, was separated from his irl support system.

death and the grief that comes from it transform the life of the person experiencing it. it changes how you interact with your routines, hobbies, relationships, and even yourself. the person that emerges from a grief situation is not the same one who experienced the tragedy it in real time. and rens grief at times is powerful enough to swallow him whole. to impact his functioning as he tries to go about his life.

and every time he falls below his parents standards, tries to establish autonomy, they just punish him more. isolate him more by taking away his phone, his laptop, his only lifelines to his friends. he's going to get worse. hes not going to act like his authentic self. hes going to fall into his worst mindsets and make unhealthy decisions. even someone like ren, who knows full well his parents treat him like shit, at his core, still wishes for their love and approval. its one of the hardest things to reconcile with, even as a adult, that your parents will never be the people you need them to be.

in a way, he's got to grieve over that, too, now that he knows now what unconditional love looks like. (because of his found family and friends) like, this kid was ghosted by their parents for a whole year. after his life as he knew it was completely shattered and he was shipped off to the city to live with a total stranger. ren had been effectively abandoned by them to fend for himself. i cannot begin to comprehend how fucking emotionally damaging that is.

imagine that happening to you and then at the end of your year away, after you've been through so much more hell (most of which you cant tell any normal person about) youre just supposed to??? go back to living in their house with them??? after they did that to you? like. thats fucking sick. and then go back to gaslighting you and acting like they didn't hurt you. and theyre the victims, actually.

[lancedoncrimsonwings]

Depersonalisation Derealisation is hell. I've had it 24/7 for as long as I can remember, from early childhood- thank you early traumas- and honestly. I don't know if I've ever known what it was to feel alive, or present, or like my body is even my own.

I describe it in the following ways, some more poetic than others;

- I'm ghost, whilst everyone else is alive. Maybe I've tricked them into thinking I'm one of them, but I can never truly reach them or interact with the world, and they can never truly reach me.

- Existing, but a step to the left.

- Sort of like that hazy state when you're drunk, but oh boy, life is sober

- Like when you're playing VR, and you're aware its a game, but its real life and I can't get this fuxking headset off... added bonus of hearing yourself speak, but the voice does not sound like your own. Your face looks like a stranger in the mirror, your hands move, but you don't truly feel in control of them.

Also? Dissociative fugue states and dissociative amnesia are a thing, and they suck. "Waking" up not being able to remember the past few hours, days, even months, still feeling incredibly unreal, not truly able to explain why you are where you are is the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. Thankfully these states are rare, I have short lapses of the amnesia these days, and few fugue states.

I legit ended up funded to see a clinic for complex trauma and dissociation, my therapist specialises in dissociation disorders, and have been through years of therapy in general. It will never be cured- mine appears to stem from some combination of trauma, genetics, being born 3 months premature and comorbid diseases that impact the brain function- but I now have a solid understanding of it. I'm not afraid of it anymore, but by gods, did I used to be.

Its one of the single most isolating things I know of, and so hard to succinctly describe. How can you make someone understand what it feels like not to be real? How can you explain that you just. Don't exist? That your body is a shell, that you're living a stranger's life, that you don't know who you are or what reality actually is...

But hey! Its great for writing trauma/whump, and decidedly underutilised in both. Dissociation is the brain's natural response to complex and prolonged trauma, and whilst I have rarely met anyone with dissociation as severe as I experience, 99.999999% of people who have experienced trauma will be intimately familiar with Dissociation in some way shape or form. Hell, almost everyone trauma or not will have experienced very mild forms of dissociation even in their day to day life- that feeling of being spaced out during a long day, or not really having a memory of your ride home from work - do with this info what you will (note again these examples are mild , severe dissociation is much worse please don't downplay what I and others with trauma truly go through)

Well this turned into a ramble, sorry OP for hijacking your post I just... like talking about dissociation, it makes me feel less alone.

i think the funniest thing about living such a surreal life while having dissociative disorders is that shit sometimes starts feeling so profoundly unreal that im not exactly sure how to even explain to myself anymore what my life is, like this just feels like a weird cyberpunk tv drama im watching sometimes but like no girlie this is ur life

[navabharathnationalschoolsstuff]

Early Development Essentials: Key Tips for Parents of Young Children

The foundational years of a child's life play a key role in their overall growth and development. From birth to age five, a child’s brain forms vital connections that impact their learning, behaviour, and emotional health. As parents, understanding how to nurture your child’s development during these formative years is essential for ensuring they thrive. In this blog, we’ll explore key tips for parents of young children to support their early development in a healthy, positive, and enriching way.

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1. Provide a Safe and Stimulating Environment

A safe environment is the foundation for any child’s development. In the early years, children are highly curious and will explore their surroundings. However, it’s important to create a space where they can explore freely while minimizing risks.

Tips:

Ensure that sharp objects, choking hazards, and dangerous chemicals are out of reach.

Use childproof locks, gates, and covers on electrical outlets.

Include stimulating, age-appropriate toys that encourage creativity and learning. Blocks, stacking toys, and musical instruments can help improve motor skills and hand-eye coordination.

2. Foster Emotional Security and Bonding

Strong emotional bonds with parents or caregivers provide children with a sense of security, which is crucial for their social and emotional development. The first few years are especially important in forming these bonds, as a child begins to trust their caregivers and the world around them.

Tips:

Respond quickly to your baby’s needs, whether it’s hunger, discomfort, or simply needing affection.

Practice positive touch, like hugs, kisses, and gentle caresses. Physical contact promotes trust and emotional warmth.

Maintain eye contact and engage in conversation, even if your child is too young to understand. This helps build communication skills and strengthens the emotional connection.

3. Encourage Language Development

Language skills begin developing as early as infancy. Children learn to speak by listening, interacting, and imitating the language they hear from parents and caregivers. The more you engage with your child, the better their language skills will be.

Tips:

Talk to your child throughout the day about what you're doing, even if they can’t respond. Read aloud to your child every day. Picture books with bright colors and simple words are a great start.

Sing songs, make animal sounds, and encourage your child to mimic you. This builds their vocabulary and language comprehension.

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4. Promote Physical Activity and Motor Skills

Physical activity is essential for the development of motor skills and muscle strength. Both gross motor skills (like crawling, walking, and jumping) and fine motor skills (like grasping small objects and drawing) play a role in your child’s overall growth.

Tips:

Encourage your child to explore physical activities like crawling, walking, running, and climbing. Make sure the environment is safe and supportive for these activities.

Provide toys that enhance fine motor skills, such as stacking cups, shape sorters, or drawing tools.

Spend time outside: Playing in the park, running, jumping, or playing ball games is great for physical development and helps your child burn energy.

5. Encourage Socialization with Peers

Social skills are crucial during the early years, as children start learning how to interact with others. Positive social interactions help them develop empathy, communication skills, and a sense of belonging.

Tips:

Arrange playdates with other children, even if it’s just a few minutes of interaction.

Teach sharing and taking turns early on, even if it leads to some struggles.

Model positive social behavior by using polite words like “please” and “thank you” and showing respect for others. Children learn by watching their parents.

6. Support Cognitive Development Through Play

Play is a vital component of cognitive development in young children. It helps children solve problems, think critically, and understand cause and effect. Through play, children learn to process emotions, work through challenges, and develop important cognitive skills.

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Tips:

Provide toys that challenge their thinking, such as puzzles, blocks, or memory games.

Engage in pretend play, like pretending to cook or playing doctor, which helps stimulate their imagination and problem-solving skills.

Ask questions during playtime: “What do you think will happen if we stack these blocks higher?” or “Can you help me solve this puzzle?” Encourage them to think and express their ideas.

7. Establish Healthy Routines and Good Nutrition

Healthy routines and a nutritious diet are essential for your child’s physical and mental development. A well-balanced diet supports brain function, while regular routines give children a sense of stability and security.

Tips:

Offer a variety of healthy foods, including fruits, vegetables, proteins, and whole grains. Limit sugary snacks and drinks.

Establish a consistent bedtime routine to ensure your child gets enough sleep.

Keep a routine for meals and activities, such as playtime, learning time, and outdoor activities. Routines help children feel more secure and manage their emotions better.

8. Be Patient and Offer Positive Reinforcement

Every child develops at their own pace, and it’s important to be patient with them as they reach milestones. Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small, and offer praise for their efforts. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and encourages them to keep trying.

Tips:

Offer specific praise, such as “Great job stacking those blocks” or “I’m so proud of how you shared your toy.”

Be patient with mistakes and struggles. Let your child know that it’s okay to make mistakes and that trying again is important.

Avoid comparisons with other children. Every child has their own developmental timeline.

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Conclusion

The early years are a time of rapid development, and your involvement as a parent plays a crucial role in shaping your child’s future. By providing a safe, nurturing, and stimulating environment, you can give your child the best possible start in life. Support their emotional, cognitive, and physical growth with patience, love, and consistency, and watch them thrive as they reach new milestones.

[thegr8startacademy]

From First Steps to First Words: Nurturing Growth with Infant Daycare and Kindergarten Programs

The journey of a child's growth is a remarkable one, marked by countless milestones that shape their development and pave the way for future success. At The Gr8 Start Academy, we understand the significance of these early years and the profound impact they have on a child's lifelong learning journey. That's why we're committed to providing nurturing and enriching environments through our infant daycare in Edmonton. Join us as we explore the importance of these foundational stages and how The Gr8 Start Academy supports children from their first steps to their first words and beyond.

The Importance of Early Childhood Education

Research has consistently shown that early childhood education plays a crucial role in laying the groundwork for future academic achievement, social-emotional development, and overall well-being. The first few years of life are a period of rapid brain development, during which children are highly receptive to learning and forming connections with caregivers and peers. By providing high-quality early learning experiences, we can maximize children's potential and set them on a path toward success.

Infant Daycare: A Safe and Nurturing Environment

Infant daycare at The Gr8 Start Academy offers a warm and welcoming environment where babies can explore, play, and learn under the guidance of caring and experienced educators. Here's what sets our infant daycare program apart:

1. Responsive Care: Our educators are trained to provide responsive care, meeting each baby's individual needs for feeding, sleeping, and nurturing. We understand that every child is unique, and we strive to create a secure attachment with each infant to support their emotional development.

2. Stimulating Environments: Our infant classrooms are designed to provide a stimulating environment for sensory exploration and early learning. From soft play mats and age-appropriate toys to colorful mobiles and soothing music, we create spaces that engage babies' senses and encourage curiosity and discovery.

3. Partnership with Parents: We believe in building strong partnerships with parents to support children's development both at home and in daycare. Our educators communicate regularly with families, providing updates on their child's progress, sharing developmental milestones, and offering tips and resources for promoting learning and growth outside of daycare.

Kindergarten Programs: Preparing for School Success

As children grow and develop, they transition to our kindergarten programs, where they continue to build on the foundation laid in infancy and prepare for the academic and social challenges of primary school. Here's what our kindergarten programs offer:

1. Play-Based Learning: We believe that play is the natural way children learn best, and our kindergarten programs are rooted in play-based learning principles. Through hands-on activities, group games, and imaginative play, children develop essential skills such as problem-solving, collaboration, and creativity.

2. Emergent Literacy and Numeracy: Our kindergarten curriculum introduces children to early literacy and numeracy concepts in a fun and engaging way. From storytelling and phonics activities to counting games and math manipulative , we lay the groundwork for future academic success while fostering a love of learning.

3. Social-Emotional Development: In addition to academic skills, we place a strong emphasis on social-emotional learning (SEL) to help children develop important life skills such as empathy, communication, and resilience. Through positive relationships with peers and educators, children learn to navigate social interactions, manage their emotions, and build self-confidence.

Contact The Gr8 Start Academy for Early Learning Excellence

Are you ready to give your child the best possible start in life? Contact The Gr8 Start Academy today to learn more about our infant daycare and kindergarten programs in Edmonton. With our nurturing environments, experienced educators, and commitment to excellence, we'll help your child grow and thrive from their first steps to their first words and beyond. Invest in your child's future with The Gr8 Start Academy. Together, we'll lay the foundation for a lifetime of learning, growth, and achievement.

[writingwithraum]

Mental Health 101 (What’s Going on in There?)

Hello everyone! Today I figured it would be helpful to lay out a foundation of exactly what’s going on inside your head, in terms of what the brain is/does.

So: what is the brain, exactly? The most complicated organ, the brain is the control center for your nervous system, responsible for controlling muscle activity and the creation of chemicals called hormones. Often referred to as a “biological computer”, the brain functions by collecting outside stimuli (such as sights, smells, sounds, or tastes), storing it, and then processing the information to construct our reality and how we interact with it. The brain is broken down into three main sections: the cerebrum, the brain stem, and the cerebellum.

The cerebrum consists of two hemispheres, the left and right. Although the left and right hemispheres are broadly similar in shape and function, certain attributes are associated with specific sides. For instance, the left hemisphere is often considered the more analytical and logical side, while the right is often thought of in conjunction with creativity and emotionality. Within these hemispheres are four lobes: the frontal, temporal, parietal, and occipital. The frontal lobe is important in that it’s responsible for things like self-control, planning, reasoning, and abstract thought. The temporal lobe is what allows you to recall people and places, along with recognize faces, interpret language, and understand others’ emotions. The parietal lobe takes in information from the rest of the brain in order to perform homeostasis for our body, determining what “normal” looks like for both ourselves and our environments, while the occipital lobe controls what we see and how we process shapes, colors, and movement.

While the brain finishes growing physically along with the rest of your body during puberty (typically around age 13), experts are finding that full mental development is achieved around age 25. This means you have 25 years for your brain to grow gray/white matter and compose your identity in terms of morals and ethics. After this, while still possible, it becomes much more difficult to take in new ideas and form new habits. The upside is a matured prefrontal cortex, which includes the ability to better control our impulses and make long-term plans/goals more effectively. The thalamus, hypothalamus, and pituitary gland are other parts of the brain that help with the creation/regulation of hormones and chemicals. The thalamus, which sits above the brain stem, is also called the “switchboard of the Central Nervous System”, as it relays sensory information (like sight, sound, or touch) to the rest of the body. The hypothalamus is directly below the thalamus and controls hormone regulation, our autonomic functions (like breathing and heart rate), hunger, thirst, and sleep. Finally we have the pituitary gland, which itself sits below the hypothalamus, and creates/releases hormones to the rest of our body.

Out of all the different hormones and chemicals that our brain produces, there are four in particular that are important in regards to mental health: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. These are the main contributors towards our feelings of happiness, contentment, love, and fulfillment. Dopamine is what gets released after we accomplish a task, and is associated with pleasure and reward. Serotonin boosts our overall mood, and helps us to feel happy. Oxytocin is what helps us form bonds with others and fall in love, while endorphins serve as a sort of natural pain killer, helping us cope with stress by providing feelings of well being.

Trauma can impact the brain in a number of ways. Physical changes can occur from the loss of gray and white matter, as well as hormone/chemical imbalances affecting our moods and our ability to function in a productive way. By having a greater understanding of the brain and the specific anatomy responsible for our involvement and interpretation of the world, we can more easily communicate with others when problems begin to occur. In later posts, we’ll delve more deeply into some of the most common types of illnesses one can contract, the ways in which they can affect the brain, and treatment/recovery options to repair or improve damaged areas or ideas. Below is a number of sources used to create this addition, and a YouTube video that further elaborates on the information above.

Thanks for your time, and I hope you have a wonderful day. :)

[archxvxd]

Hi fellow Taurus bestie…I’m a long time reader and first time anon 🙈 so I got this idea and I had to share incase you wanna write about it 👀 anyways…I was listening to Slow Down by Chase Atlantic and this time the lyric “she said fuck me like I’m famous, I said oh-kay” stuck out to me and I was like wait a min 🤔✋🏼 what if there was a fic where the guy (I thought of Bakugo/Kuroo/Iwaizumi 🙈🙈🙈) was a singer and the reader is his crush/new gf…?? Anyways!! They’re getting ‘into it’ after a show/concert and she’s like… “if you can fuck as good as you sing, show me.” And he’s like bet and he wrecks her, breaks her back and all that

Anyways lemme know whatcha think bestie…🙈 I was kinda nervous to send this but I was like fuck it lemme do it before I forget and yeah…

A/N: Taurus Bestie🥺 You’re brain is immaculate please. Don’t ever hesitate to send me asks! I love interacting with y’all, I’m just not very good at initiating :(( I love this idea so much and I really thought it fit Iwaizumi well so I hope you enjoy!

Prompt: “If you can fuck as good as you can sing, show me.”

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Iwaizumi x fem!reader

Warnings: spit, oral (reader receiving), daddy kink, impact play, degradation, praising, swearing, hair pulling, choking, creampie, breeding if you squint, heavily unedited bc I hate editing my own smut😔✊🏼

Word count: 2.43k

You and Iwaizumi had been friends since high school, but even so, you had never been to one of his band’s shows before. Sure you had heard him sing many times and you knew he was talented, but this experience, getting to watch him from a VIP box while hundreds of thousands of people were cheering for him and singing along to his music? It was absolutely surreal. You admired how Iwaizumi seemed to belong on that stage.

However, the scene of Iwaizumi singing his heart out was doing things to you. Tonight was the last show of his tour, after that he was planning to go on hiatus for a few months before going back to the studio with his band. This was it. You had backstage privileges, courtesy of the singer himself, and you planned on making your move tonight. When Iwa left for his tour at the beginning of the year you were faced with some surprising feelings.

You realized you missed him more than just a friend should…

The set ended and the crowd was still going wild. You make your way backstage as the band plays a final encore song. When Iwaizumi emerges from the stage, sweat gleaming off of his ink littered muscles you practically salvate at the image. The lead singer immediately sets his eyes on you and makes a beeline towards you.

Iwaizumi doesn’t give you a chance to say anything. It had been over a year since he had last seen you in person and his adrenaline was running high. It was now or never. So he scooped you into his arms and crashed his lips to yours. As soon as the shock passes, you reciprocate his extremely passionate kiss.

Iwaizumi hums in approval at your quick submission and bites your lower lip before pulling away, letting a string of saliva form keep the two of you connected before it snaps.

“Shit, Yn. You know how long I’ve wanted to do that. I missed you so much it was maddening.” He lays his sweaty forehead on yours, pupils blown wide with adrenaline and lust.

You giggle at his declaration. “Missed you too, Haji. Where are you staying?”

A deep chuckle escapes his swollen lips. “At a hotel, Princess. Why?”

“Want you to show me if you can fuck me as good as you can sing.” You grin devilishly and Iwa returns the expression.

The musician opens his mouth to say something but is cut off by one of his band members who has already been eyeing you. “Hey, Iwa! Ya coming to the after party or what?”

Iwaizumi slings his arm over you. “Nah, man. Go on ahead without me. I got a different party to attend.”

The band member chuckles and shakes his head before waving and taking his exit.

You two lead by example and take your own exit.

The second the two of you make it to Iwa’s room, he has you pressed against the wall with his lips attached to yours. His tongue has already made it past your lips, exploring the cavern of your mouth, occasionally dancing with yours. You moan into his mouth, and as much as you don’t want to, you have to pull away for air.

Iwaizumi takes this opportunity to trail kisses along your jaw and down your neck. His hands, which were previously holding onto your hips in a bruising grip, move up your torso under your shirt. He makes a delighted chuckle when he notices that you're not wearing a bra.

“Hmm not wearing anything underneath your shirt to my show? Is that why your tits looked absolutely delectable bouncing around while you danced during the concert, huh?”

You whine as his hands grope at your chest and tweak your nipples. “Hah-fuck- wanted you to have something to look at, Haji-“

Iwaizumi cuts you off with a low growl and a particularly pleasing pinch of the nipples. “No. I’m not Haji right now, Princess. Say it.”

You let out a moan at the singer’s insinuation. “Wanted you t-to have something to look at, Daddy.”

“Mmm well you certainly didn’t disappoint, Princess. Had a hard time keeping my eyes off of you.” Iwa chuckles while he lowers himself down to his knees. “Between how cute your ass looks in this short little skirt of yours and your tits I almost lost my damn mind. Messed up a few lyrics thanks to you, Princess.”

You whimper as the singer nips and sucks on your inner thighs. “Fuck- Daddy… Wanted your attention. Didn’t mean to distract you.”

Iwaizumi’s lips are everywhere but where you need him most. He continues to kiss your thighs and lick them and give the occasional bite and suck combo. Your hands find their way to his sweat damp hair and tug, earning a groan and particularly harsh bite from the man below you. You whimper at the singer’s rough ministrations. Your head is thrown back on the wall behind you as Iwaizumi inches closer to where you want him.

“Daddy, please~” You tug on his hair eliciting another groan.

Iwa looks up at you in amusement. “Hmm what do you want, Princess? Gotta use your words, Pretty Baby.”

You huff in frustration but indulge him anyway. “Need your mouth and tongue, please~”

A chuckle can be heard but you’re no longer looking at Iwaizumi. “I’m giving you my mouth and tongue aren’t I. Princess? Is it that you need them somewhere specifically?” Iwa kisses your lower pelvis, just above your clothed clit.

“I- hah- Fuck, Daddy need your mouth and tongue and fingers in my pussy and on my clit. Please, please, please~ Need you s’ ba- ngh~”

Iwa cuts you off by the sting of him ripping your panties apart and diving his tongue into your drooling cunt. The slurping noises he’s making are obscene but you don’t have time to be embarrassed because at that very moment the singer replaced his tongue with two fingers and reattached his mouth to your clit. You moan and tug harshly on his hair, Iwa lets out his own moan that reverberates throughout your entire being.

“Mmh- Fuck~ feels so good, Daddy. S’ much better than my own fingers- Oh my- fu- fuck right there please keep touching me right there, Daddy…”

You're lost in your own pleasure and you don’t even notice the way Iwaizumi is watching you. His eyes gleaming with pride and lust at the thought of you feeling so good because of him. He can feel himself growing uncomfortably hard but ignores the nagging heat pooling in his lower abdomen. His focus solely on making you cum at least once before he lets himself fuck you senseless.

Judging from your increasingly desperate pleas, you were close to giving Iwa what he wanted. Your fists in the man’s hair are clenched so fiercely that your knuckles have turned a lighter shade than the rest of your skin. Your breathing has increased in both speed and volume, moans and whimpers constantly spilling from your lips, keeping you from forming any coherent sentences.

Iwa chuckles and you nearly screech at the sensation that shoots through your body from his amusement. “You gonna cum, Princess? You sound so damn desperate. Sounds like you’re gonna cum all over my mouth, hm?”

It takes everything you have to respond, knowing if you don’t it may not end well for you. “Hah— F-fuck— mmmm gon’ cum— wan’ cum— Daddy~”

“Do it, Princess. I want to drink up all that you got.” Iwa starts curling his fingers inside of you and that’s what does you in. Your back arches and you nearly scream from the sudden burst of white hot pleasure. Iwa doesn’t slow down his ministrations either. His fingers curling incessantly and tongue lapping up everything you have to offer him. Your mind becomes fuzzy and you don’t even register Hajime picking you up and tossing you onto the king sized bed.

In your dazed state you hardly recognize that Iwaizumi is speaking to you until his hand is cradling your cheek. “Hey. Princess. You with me? I need you to tell me you’re good before I move further, okay?”

“Daddy… ‘m good, want you to fuck me now, please~” You sigh at the thought of Iwa filling you up and begin to grow impatient.

Hajime chuckles. “That’s my pretty baby. Can you strip and get on your hands and knees for me, Princess?”

You nod and quickly remove your remaining clothing. You make a show of turning around and arching your back just to wiggle your ass up at Iwaizumi. A low groan can be heard as a result of you teasing the man behind you. Then suddenly your body is jolted forward as you mewl at the impact of Hajime’s palm connecting roughly with your ass.

“Such a fuckin’ tease, Princess. Havin’ your tits out on display, wearin’ that cute lil’ skirt, and now shakin’ your plump ass at me. Hmm,” Iwa caresses the cheek he had just previously assaulted. “ I would punish you if I didn’t wanna stuff this pretty lil’ cunny of yours with my fat cock. Maybe next time, hm? Bet you would like that wouldn’t you, Princess?”

You take in a shuddering breath before responding desperately. “N-no not doin’ it on purpose, daddy. Promise~ Wanna be your good girl please~”

“I think you’re body is betrayin’ you, Princess, the way you just gushed from a single smack to the ass tells me otherwise. I think you like being a naughty little cockslut, hmm, like being punished. But I guess for now we can pretend you’re my good girl, hm?” With that Iwa rubs the tip of his cock up and down through your folds lamenting his previous words of stating just how wet you were for the musician. “You ready for me, Princess?”

Instead of answering you push back into Iwa’s touch and sink the tip of Iwa’s length into your dripping entrance with ease. Large fingers dig into your plush ass to stop you from going further and lull a whimper to pass through your lips. Iwa leans down and growls into your ear. “Such a fuckin’ impatient and bratty little slut, hm? Couldn’t wait for me to put it in. Had to take it upon yourself?”

As Iwa growls into your ear about how much of a brat you are as he’s sinking himself deeper into your pussy. Your eyes roll back into your head. His sheer size alone brings you close to your second orgasm. You can hear breathy curses fall from Iwa’s lips. His fingers dig deeper into your ass as you dig into the pillow you’re whimpering into.

“F-fuck, Princess, you’re so fucking tight. This pretty little cunny is already squeezing me so tight. You that close, pretty baby? Just from me putting my cock in you, fuck that’s so fuckin’ cute.” Hajime releases one of his grips on your cheeks to tangle his fingers in your hair and experiments with a gentle tug. He’s more than pleased with your reaction as your back arches further and multiple whimpers stumble out of you.

The coil that’s been building in your stomach is snapped by Iwaizumi bottoming out with his tip prodding your cervix. You wail and violently clench around the musician as your vision blurs. You’re babbling nonsense while Iwaizumi throws his head back.

“Oh fuck, Princess. You really came from me just bottoming out. Fuck, your such a desperate little cockslut. Feel so good, sucking me in like this-- shit think you got one more in ya my pretty little cockslut?”

You whimper and plead. “D-daddy, please~ Want you to move-- need you to fuck me so good~ Please~”

Iwa amusedly chuckles at your babbling but grants your wish anyway. His hips draw back slowly, allowing you to feel every single throbbing vein on his dick and once he’s pulled out to just the tip he lands a harsh smack to your ass and snaps his hips into you. His rough pace doesn’t let up after that. He’s ramming into you as you cover your screams with the pillows underneath you. Iwa clearly has other ideas, though, as he tugs on your hair to pull you off the slobber stained pillow.

“Shit-- Wanna hear those pretty screams, Princess. Let everyone know that ‘m making you feel good okay?” After no reply Hajime tugs on your hair again,

“Y-yes daddy! You’re making me feel so f-fuckin’ goo’! Gonna make me cum ‘gain- mmmm fuck~” Your eyes roll to the back of your head as Iwa brings you up to his chest and changes the angle.

He’s reaching further into you and if it weren’t for his arms securely holding you-- one wrapped around your waist, the other crossed your chest and his hand gripping your neck-- You probably would be thrashing in pleasure. Iwa leans down to place his mouth right next to your ear and growls.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck pretty baby. ‘M so fuckin’ close. You gonna cum with me, Princess? Gonna cream all over me while I fill you up with my cum? Bet you'd like that hm? Your slutty little cunt filled to the brim with my cum?” Iwa moves his hold around your waist to play with your clit.

Your head falls back onto his shoulder and let out a silent scream. “Shi- oh my- Fuck, daddy, gon’ cum, want you to cum with me. Cum in me, please! Fuck! Daddy ‘m cumming- shit~ “

You’re seeing stars and screaming incoherently as you vaguely register Iwa’s grunts and sloppy thrusts. His hot seed spurting into you as he rides out both your orgasms. Your vision comes back to you and you feel yourself slump into the musician's hold. You hum contentedly as you feel Iwa begin to soften inside of you.

He peppers you with kisses and nuzzles himself into your neck, causing you to giggle. “Fuck, Princess. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hold ya like this.”

“Hmm what a couple of idiots huh?” Iwa looks up at you and chuckles.

“I guess so,” you squeal as Iwa flips the two of you so you’re on your back with him hovering you, expertly keeping himself inside of you, “we’ve got some catching up to do now don’t we, Princess?”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “W-what do you mean? We’re not done?”

Iwa chuckles as he slowly begins to pump himself into you. You whine from sensitivity. “Princess, we’re just getting started.”

Hq!! Permanent Taglist: @katsulovee

[knoxyourself]

I went for it

Pairing: Wolfstar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Balck)

Words: 2,7k

Warnings: none I think

(english is not my first language so it's not perfect)

The ‘Gryffindor Pride’ party was incredibly loud, as everyone probably expected. They just won the Quidditch Cup third year in a row, it was a good reason for a party. But then again, one could always find a great reason to party with Gryffindors.

Muggle booze, brought by Mary, and Firewhiskey were flowing like waterfalls, which meant that everyone was having a great time. If not, they were few drinks away from it and soon enough it’d be just fine.

It was probably the last party of the year, right before the exams, so in all honesty everyone wanted to loosen up a little.

That’s why two sixth years were handing out bottles of butterbeer to everyone, who passed their ‘station’ at the table. Sirius and James were never ones to give up some fun, although Sirius had decided to stay sober that night. It didn’t stop him from getting James, who was currently laughing at something with Marlene, incredibly pissed.

Remus silently watched their interaction from the other sofa. He was slightly tipsy himself, but not to the point where he’d have a hangover the next morning. He watched James acting like a goofball in front of Lily – that’s when Remus heard the laugh.

His eyes involuntarily fixated on Sirius’s profile. The black-haired boy looked like he was glowing. His silvery eyes were shimmering with joy, bright smile plastered on his incredibly alluring lips. He realized, that he wanted to know what the boy tasted like, he wanted to examine every single part of Sirius’s body with his fingertips, he wanted Sirius, and he wanted Sirius to acknowledge that fact. Merlin, Remus was definitely feeling the impact of alcohol he consumed. Remus knew that he had a silly crush on the dark-haired boy, he fancied Sirius Black and he was somewhat okay with that, he just hadn’t realized, that his desire was that intense. Sirius was his best friend for fucks sake, he wasn’t keen on ruining it. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, Remus slouched in his place, eyes still eagerly absorbing Sirius’s features. He only shifted his gaze when Lily plumped next to him on the couch.

“You look like you’re having fun,” she said, sarcasm present in her voice. “What’s up?”

“I am having fun.” He retorted rolling his eyes. “I think I’m drunk tho.”

Lily laughed loudly, shaking her head with amusement. She definitely drank more than the light-haired boy.

“Drunk?” she mused. “You’ve had like, what, two butterbeers?”

“I don’t do good with alcohol.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it.” Lily had a pretty good idea why Remus’s mood suddenly changed. She wasn’t stupid, she could see the longing eyes, hidden smiles, Remus’s blushing whenever Sirius came way too close. They were both more obvious than they thought. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me what’s, or rather who’s, on your mind. I think I already know enough.”

“What d’you mean?” Remus felt his ears heating up.

“Nothing,” she smiled sympathetically, patting his back. “But I think you should talk to him. I have a feeling that you won’t regret it.”

With that said, she was gone, jumping back on to the dance floor.

The moment when Remus’s eyes shifted back to Sirius, Queen’s Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy started playing on full volume. It was Lily’s doing, but Remus would never know that part of the story. He let the girls words sink in to his brain. He knew that he’d have to talk to Sirius at some point, but until that, he’d rather avoid the topic.

When he heard the first notes of the song, Sirius felt a pair of eyes staring at him. He didn’t turn around immediately. Sirius noticed Remus’s gaze earlier and he hoped that it was also the light-haired boy this time. It was a weird feeling, being watched by Remus. It always made Sirius’s stomach twist and he felt like he was drowning. But it was a good kind of drowning, he was drowning in his own feelings. The positive ones. Finally, he gave in and locked eyes with his best friend.

Remus’s eyes were smooth, warm. Almost soothing. When Sirius stared into them, he felt like he was home.

They were gazing into each other’s eyes for quite some time. Sirius needed more. He knew that Remus didn’t feel the same, but to wish was not a crime, right? He shook his head and tapped James’s shoulder.

“Prongs, I’m gonna go to Remus, you’ll be okay?” he asked the boy.

James wasn’t anywhere near sober, quite the opposite actually. He was currently arguing with equally pissed Marlene and Mary over the latter’s sexual experiences. He turned to face Sirius when he felt the tap.

“Wha-? Oh, Re-mus, sure.” James slured, sly grin forming on his lips. “Go get ‘em tiger!” He threw fist in the air while both girls laughed their asses off.

Sirius rolled his eyes in amusement, he’s never seen James this drunk.

“Don’t let him touch any more firewhiskey Marls.” Sirius looked pleadingly at the blonde.

“You are notme mother, Black.” James stumbled trying to stand up, and fell face first on the table. That of course caused another fit of laughter from the girls and a pained groan from James.

While Sirius tried to get rid of his drunk company, Remus found himself talking to a sixth year Ravenclaw. Justin Haywood sat next to him on the couch and offered him Remus’s third butterbeer.

Justin was slightly shorter than Sirius but equally good looking. He had a define jawline, deep emerald eyes that were now glossy from all the alcohol, and a blond buzzcut. He, unlike Sirius, played Quidditch so his shoulders were much broader. It suited him well.

Remus knew Justin from his Advanced Charms study group, they got along quite well. With Justin everything was easy, there wasn’t any distracting emotions, he could just talk to him and admire his physical appearance, not like with Sirius. Sirius was complicated, Remus never really knew what the dark-haired boy thought about him.

“I don’t think I understood our last assignment correctly.” Justin sighed relying slightly on Remus’s shoulder. They were going through last Charms lesson, really interesting topic to dig into during a party. “There’s shit-load of theory.”

Justin apparently was much more full-mouthed after couple of drinks. Not that Remus minded, he wasn’t a saint himself.

“I’m sure you got it just fine,” the light-haired boy laughed gingerly. “But I can help you if you’re really that worried.”

At that point Sirius finally left James with the girls. He searched the room for Remus and that’s when he saw it. Justin’s arm around Remus’s shoulders, the Ravenclaw boy leaning slightly on Remus. He came closer so he could listen on their conversation.

“So,” Haywood started with a pleased smile. “Hogsmeade this weekend?”

Unfortunately, form his place Sirius couldn’t see Remus’s face, only his back, which tensed slightly after Justin’s question.

“Oh, I um- I thought we could go over it on the study group meeting?”

Sirius wondered what was this all about, but he didn’t want to expose himself just yet.

“Well, it’s a hell of a work, I think we can meet up one on one, y’know?” Remus nodded his head, still a little tense. “So, Hogsmeade?”

“I’m actually going with James, Sirius and Peter.” Said Remus. “Sorry.”

“Aw, c’mon man!” Justin groaned playfully. “I’m sure Potter and his bitches can manage one day without you.”

Remus laughed stiffly when Justin pulled him even closer to his chest.

That was probably when Sirius lost it. Haywood was way too close to Remus, he didn’t like it. He clenched his fists and shoved them into the pockets of his jean jacket. After little to no thinking he stepped right in front of the two sixth years.

“I’m truly moved Haywood, that you care ‘bout my well being.” He sneered. “Problem is, Hogsmeade is kind of a tradition for us.”

Justin looked up lazily.

“Bullshit, you’ve missed lots of Hogsmeade trips.” He said defiantly.

“Doesn’t change the fact that Moony made plans with us first so you can kindly fuck off.”

Now it was Remus’s turn to grow mildly annoyed. He freed himself from Justin’s embrace and stood up in front of Sirius.

“What the hell Padfoot?! I can speak for myself.” He growled and then turned to face Justin. “I’m sorry Justin, but he’s right. He’s incredibly nosy, but he’s right. I can’t just cancel it, I already promised Peter I’ll go with him to Honydukes while we’re all there.”

Justin looked really disappointed for a moment, but then he just smiled brightly at Remus and also got up from the couch.

“Nah, it’s cool Remmy. We can go next time.” He caressed Remus’s cheek and disappeared in the crowd.

“Moony-“

“Don’t. Say. A. Word.” Remus cut him off sharply. “Why did you feel the need to speak on my behalf?”

Sirius didn’t answer, instead he just followed Remus through the portrait out of the common room.

“Maybe I wanted to go with him.” Remus stated sternly.

“Did you?” Sirius looked up at the boy when he finally caught up to him. “You wanted to go with him?”

Remus wouldn’t dare to say that, no, he didn’t want to go to Hogsmeade with Justin fucking Haywood. He wanted to go with Sirius. So instead of answering the question, Remus pretended not to hear.

“Great,” Sirius sighed annoyed. “Besides, I don’t really appreciate being called James’s bitch. If anything, James would definitely be my bitch.”

“Yeah sure, forgot what a princess you are.” Remus laughed despite himself. “You got any cigarettes on you?”

Sirius did a quick search through his pockets to discover that he did in fact had a pack of cigarettes. He pulled them out in triumph.

“Great. I need one.” Remus started walking up the stairs to Astronomy Tower. “You comin’?”

“You’re not mad anymore?” Sirius asked anxiously. He hated when Remus was mad at him, it always resulted in some nasty sleepless nights.,

Remus sighed heavily when they reached the top.

“I wasn’t mad in the first place.” He said after a while. “I was annoyed.”

“Well either way, I’m sorry.” Sirius handed him a cigarette. “I shouldn’t have eavesdrop or talk like I knew what you wanted.”

The light-haired boy nodded, smiling in Sirius’s direction.

“I think what annoyed me the most, was the fact that you actually knew what I wanted.” He mused. Sirius furrowed his brows questioningly, so Remus continued. “I didn’t want to go to Hogsmeade with Justin Haywood. I’d much rather hang out with my friends.”

“Good to know.” Sirius said, lighting both of their cigarettes. “You should really start going for what you really want. You deserve to be happy, you know?”

They were smoking in silence for several minutes. Sirius was admiring Remus from the corner of his eyes. Everyone knew, that Remus Lupin with a cigarette was a sight you’d want to see. It wasn’t unseen or unheard of, but it was definitely rare. And it was absolutely beautiful. It was bringing out two different, almost conflicted sides of the boy. His soft sweaters would always smell like smoke after, which changed his entire aesthetic immediately. From the soft looking-sweet-well mannered-nerdy guy that everyone knew and adored, Remus was becoming the fourth marauder, troublemaker who only a few people got to see every day. Sirius of course knew, that he was still the same guy, it was just his aura and how other people perceived him was changing, but it still was, truly, remarkable (and it was turning him on quite a bit). The way Lupin’s lips were curling around the rolled paper, almost like the cigarettes were made perfectly for his curved lips. The way smoke fell from his mouth, floating near his chin for a little longer, like it wanted to stay with him. And the smell of burning chocolate, warm and rich. In conclusion – Remus Lupin smoking cigarettes, Sirius’s cigarettes especially, was something that the dark-haired boy would willingly watch till the day he dies.

While smoking, Remus could only think about one thing. Sirius’s reaction was way out of his character. Sure, the boy was chaotic, blunt and incredibly hotheaded, impulsive, but he and Justin seemed to get along just fine before the party, even more, Sirius commented on the Ravenclaw’s Quidditch talent few times, they sometimes chatted in corridors. So what changed? Maybe, just maybe… No, he couldn’t get his hopes too high.

Remus needed answers. That’s why, when their cigarettes were almost finished, he spoke up.

“Why did you do that tho?” he asked, fully turning his body so he’d face Sirius.

“I did what?” Sirius asked visibly confused.

“Reacted that way.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“He was flirting with you, if you didn’t notice.” Sirius mumbled and Remus’s heart skipped a bit. “You were a bit tense, so I stepped in. He deserved it tho, that guy’s a git, you can do better.”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked slightly confused.

“I mean, that you don’t have to limit yourself to just okay guys. And girls. You can date people, that you really like. You just have to start taking what you want. You deserve love, Moony. Don’t settle on guys like Justin just because they show interest in you.”

Remus was so stunned by Sirius’s rant, that he didn’t really know what to say. So he said the first thing that came to his mind. Why was this boy doing it to him?

“I thought you liked Justin.”

“Haywood?” Sirius snorted, he stubbed their cigarettes with his shoe and shifted his attention back to Remus. “He’s a fucking narcissist. And he’s build like a truck.”

“Truck?” Remus laughed, putting his hand on Sirius’s shoulder. He didn’t eve realized they were that close. “I happen to think that he’s quite fit.” He said as he was quite obviously checking Sirius out, love pouring out of his eyes.

“Oh, do you, now?” Sirius’s smile dropped slightly. Remus couldn’t believe that this boy could be so dense. He decided to see, how far he could go with this.

“I do, he’s a really fit bloke.” He took another step closer to Sirius. “Objectively looking, that is.”

“You know any other fit blokes?” Sirius gulped.

That was it, Remus was either fully going for it, or he was running away from his feeling as he always did. He was really close to doing the latter, but then he remembered Lily’s words from earlier. Then there was also Sirius’s behavior. Maybe there was a chance? He had to know.

Fuck it, he thought, I’m going for it.

“Fit? Yeah, but I’d rather call him beautiful.” He tried to make his voice sound as confident as he could. Their chest’s were now only centimeters away. “But I don’t think he’s got the same opinion ‘bout me.”

“Well that’s some bullshit.” Sirius breathed shakily. The dark-haired boy never seemed that nervous, Remus noted. “Everyone thinks you’re stunning.”

“You think so?” Remus whispered, his gaze dropping to Sirius’s lips for barely a second.

“Yeah. I do.” Sirius nodded eagerly. “You should totally go for it, you never know until you try it, right?”

“Right.”

This time Remus’s eyes lingered on the other boy’s lips longer. It wasn’t like in all those tacky romantic books that Lily adored so much. There wasn’t any slow-mo moment, the world didn’t magically disappear or went completely quiet. The opposite actually. Remus was extra aware of everything, every little sound was echoing in his head, he could hear his own heart pounding. Everything was screaming do it!And Sirius looked so fucking beautiful, constellations of stars locked safely in his silver eyes. Before he could register anything else, Remus was kissing Sirius.

Remus was kissing Sirius.

After all this time of hopelessly dreaming about it, he was finally doing it. He was kissing the Sirius Black.

And Sirius was actually kissing him back.

It wasn’t perfect, there was no fireworks, no orchestra playing in the background. It was rather messy, chaotic and rushed. Just two teenage boys kissing at the top of a tower in the middle of the night. But it was the best feeling in the world.

But like everything, it had to stop at some point.

Sirius gently pushed him back. Not far tho, just so he could rest his forhead against Remus’s.

“What was that?” he asked in a weak, happy voice.

Remus didn’t even had to think twice about the answer.

“I went for it.”

[wulfies-kpop-fanfics]

One Photo → Mark Lee [5]

↳  Pairing: Mark Lee/Reader

↳  AU: Soulmate!AU - The first touch of two soulmates permanently scars their bodies.

↳  Warning: Smut, loss of virginity, unprotected sex

↳  Word count: 6,964

↳  Chapters: Prelude | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | You Are Here! | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

⁙ Summary: For an end of the year photography project, you’re tasked with taking a photograph for your favourite group, NCT127, and coincidentally, discover your soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRIDAY - 5 - Part 1

The covers that enveloped you were warm and soft, keeping you nearly trapped under the weight of a thick duvet. Time ticked by slowly as you found the most comfortable position in bed. 

Mark's body was pressed taut against you, and you could feel nearly every inch of him attached to your backside. His arm was draped over you, his hand casually coming to rest over your tummy, only he had put in the lazy effort of slipping it underneath your nightshirt. 

Even when Mark is asleep he's driving you crazy. You doubt he's even noticed that your skin is twitching under his touch, the comfort and warmth of blankets making every feeling warmer and sensitive. You feel his steady breath tickling the back of your neck, his pelvis pressed against your ass, and you let out a whimper when he adjusts himself. 

"(Y/N)?" Mark's voice is groggy and filled with sleep. He grips your hip gently, fingers sliding over the flesh of your side. "Are you okay?" 

"What would you do if I told you no?" You ask sheepishly, turning around in bed so you were facing him. The darkness of your room left a lot to the imagination, but you could still slightly make out his twinkling eyes. Again, you felt like he was staring straight at your soul. 

"Then I'd ask why you're not okay," he says, and you can tell he's smiling at you. His hands are beginning to wander up your body, from your hip to your waist.

"You, silly. I can't get you out of my head. Everything you do sets my heart on fire - I can't sleep or study, I-" another whimper escapes you when you feel his index finger gently flick your nipple.

"You do the same to me," he admits. "I can barely keep my hands off you. You're intoxicating…" his hand slides away from your breast, running down your arm to grasp your hand. "Here," he guides you down to tuck your hand underneath the pant line of his sweats, his member hard and hot. You circled your hand around it and Mark sighed in relief.

You suck in a sharp breath. "Mark," 

"Don't talk," he commanded lowly. "Just kiss me, please," 

Through the darkness, your lips met in a wet kiss. His hips thrust into your hand, causing him to groan and separate from the kiss so he could rest his forehead against yours. 

"Good," he groaned, closing his eyes tightly and licking his lips. "Fuck, grip it harder." 

As soon as you comply and tighten your grip on his cock, he moans again and began thrusting harder into your hand. Hearing and feeling all of this nearly floods your underwear, and you wished that he was fucking you instead of your hand. 

Mark kisses you again, desperate. You can feel the puffs of him breathing through his nose on your face, and you can barely keep yourself sane.

"Mark-" his voice rolls off your tongue once you manage to break his kiss, as if you were begging, and he barely slows down. He tightly holds your shoulder, and you think it might bruise. 

"Y-yeah?" 

"Please," you really feel like you're begging now. 

(Y/N)!

That wasn't Mark's voice. 

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)!" 

Groaning, you begin to open your eyes. The room isn't quite bright yet, and suddenly you feel a great weight on your abdomen. 

"Mark?" You ask dumbly, the figure shaking you awake not quite clear enough for you to see. 

"No, it's me!" 

One you realize you can move your arms, you bring your hands up to rub your eyes. Your vision clears up and you realize Rhiannon is sitting on top of you, looking down on you with a giant grin on her face. Her hands are gripping your shoulders tightly, enough that you wince.

"Rhiannon, what the hell?" You ask, barely reaching your glasses that were perched on your desk. You slip them on and even further notice that she is shirtless. "You woke me up. Put a shirt on."

"I know, dummy!" She exclaims. "Look!" She shoves her chest further into your face until you see it. Puffy scar marks in the shape of hands on her shoulders. 

"You have-" 

"Donghyuck is my soulmate!" 

You’re too tired for this, and coming out of a dream that surely will not leave your brain. “Rhiannon, I’m happy for you, but can you please get off me?” Raising an eyebrow, Rhiannon lifts herself from your body and sits on the edge of your bed. She’s still grinning like a maniac, tracing the scars. “My hand marks are going to be on his chest,” she reminds you, tapping her feet excitedly on the floor. “I’m gonna rip off his shirt tonight so I can look at them. And do other things. As you do.” 

Groaning, you peel the covers off yourself. “Jesus, TMI,” you say, rubbing your eyes. “You’re way too excited about this.” Rhiannon scoffed. “You’re not excited enough! We’re soulmates with two members of NCT! How amazing is that?! All the fanfictions in the world could never have actually prepared me for this! What should I wear?” You’re soon enough drowning out her hushed ramblings on if she should try looking for a new dress at Forever 21. “I’m happy for you, Rhi, but you should really stop worrying so much. Didn’t you have an outfit planned out a month ago?” You ask, standing up and moving out of your room to start the day, Rhiannon following close behind.

“Yes,” she replied immediately, watching you dig through your clean clothes for the outfit you set aside for the day. “But now that I know I’m Donghyuck’s soulmate, I think I should wear something better.” “We’re going to an NCT concert, dude. NOT wearing neon green is gonna make you look just plain weird. Just go with what you picked out.”

Rhiannon sighed, conceding with a dejected nod. “I just don’t know if he’ll like it or not.” You smile, finally pulling out your own neon green tank top and blue shortalls. “He’ll love it, stop worrying.” You pull on your own outfit, adding a handmade hairband with the word 마크 written in little neon felt letters atop it. "How do I look?" 

"Stunning, as usual," Rhiannon replies, smiling. "I'm gonna go get changed. See you at the venue." Rhiannon disappears into her bedroom as you grab your backpack and a granola bar, heading out to the last class of the week.

Let's hope I don't trip and ruin my clothes…

Friday. Two days left to submit your final for evaluation, but if you were to get the grade you wanted, you decided to submit it at the end of class. From your locker, you pulled out your finished portfolio, a playfully decorated photo book covered in stickers and polaroid photos. All that was left was your mini-essay.

You arrived into class and greeted Moose warmly, quickly letting her get back to her own project that she was finishing up. Once you sit down at your computer, you read through your document that you had been working on whenever you weren’t with Mark.                                       - Final Portfolio and Bonus Objective - 

                                                  Love in Photographs

                                                          (Y/N) (L/N)

                                                         Ms. Prentice

                                                     Photography 203

In this essay, I will address the personal effects of photography and how, in the second and final year of my program, my entire life has changed within a week’s time. In this final, my photos will reflect on why I chose to use the concert program as my focus. 

Photography is, to me, an incredibly emotional profession. From weddings to sprawling landscapes, a photo will mean something to someone. It means a beautiful memory that will last forever, the progression of nature and our planet, or solid evidence of a crime that could provide closure to a mourning family. 

Photography can also have an impact during the social interaction of business. It didn’t occur to me for nearly two years that I’ve spent studying the profession. When I signed up for the concert program, I was just a fan of the group I happened to see a flyer for. NCT is a K-Pop group currently touring in North America and the group that hired me for the program. 

It was my emotional connection to them that made me want to take the job. It was thrilling to think about working for them as my first clients, even if it was a co-op program. I wanted to meet them, talk with them, learn what they wanted and do my best to make it a reality. The program was always going to be an emotional experience for me, but I truly learned about how photography was an emotional two-way street after I met Mark Lee in person.

After this week, I truly believe that everybody winds up getting the jobs they’re supposed to get.

Mark Lee is the main subject of my portfolio and a member of NCT. He was the person I spent the most time with, and considering the specifications of NCT’s commission, he was the person I worked with the most. While NCT specifically asked for one singular photo, Mark was insistent on spending time with me, letting me take photos of him for my project. The day after meeting him, my scars appeared. Mark Lee was my soulmate, something that I never thought I’d find - and would never have looked for intentionally. 

The connection we formed was stronger than any other emotional bond I’ve had throughout my life, and from that moment on, every photo I took was a passion project. Sealing my soulmate in the immortality of a photo was exhilarating. Something I could keep close while he was away. It made me think of future clients, an image was clear in my head of someone asking me for the same thing. Something to see and remember even if the subject of that photo was too far away to touch.

In the past, I had been sceptical of having a soulmate of my own, but I knew I had to dampen my prejudice for the sake of future clients, especially those looking to hire me for their wedding photos. In wedding ceremonies, I would be photographing soulmates that could be naked for all I knew. Soulmate marks could appear anywhere, after all. Still, my worldview made me reluctant to think about that branch of career. I told myself I would only photograph wildlife or do fully clothed modelling, even if that decision cut my clientele in half. Until Mark Lee.

In this portfolio, you can see Mark on various outings with me and the rest of NCT, or just posing for the sake of a ‘cool picture with the subway in the background’. Photographs don’t need to have a purpose as a photograph holds meaning no matter what the subject is. For me, the photos in this final represent letting go of my fears and finding love, humbling myself and seeing that I can branch out and do more than I planned. Instead of seeking grandeur, I want to take photos of anything someone might find the smallest amount of happiness in. A smile, a flower, a kiss. Even if someone is worried about asking for something that may seem trivial, I want to assure them that if it means something to them, it means something to me, too.

Any photo here of Mark Lee, or even the one photo I took of NCT, to me, is a symbol of love. To make new friends and experience a culture different from mine, to see their dreams become a reality in front of me. If this final project before I graduate is the gate to my own dream coming true, these photos will definitely represent my passion. To see more than just myself. To see others and the love they share for anything this world has to offer. 

Originally, the portfolio I was going to create was going to be just one photo from the program, but in the end, over half of what is included was from the past week. An emotional connection to the world and everything in it is every bit important in the world of photography as skills with a camera. Both of which I hope to carry into the world with me as my career truly begins.

Satisfied, you saved your work and went through it once more with Grammarly to make sure you hadn’t let any mistakes slip past. Your heart beats rapidly in your chest as you send the document to the classroom printer, knowing that once you tape your essay inside of your portfolio project, it was time to submit early and wait for your teacher’s sign of approval on your graduation form. After submitting your papers into the printer, you make your way to the classroom’s printer and log in to your account, selecting the pages you’ve sent to it. Now it was time to wait. Your phone buzzes, and you pull it out to read a text. Mark: How’s class?

You: I’m almost done my paper 

You: Gonna submit it and then I can leave early

Mark: Sweet see you soon?

You: Yeah, see you soon

Mark: I can’t wait, I had a strange dream last night

Before you can reply, your paper finishes printing. Deciding to answer his text later, you return to your desk and finish up your final. You quickly flip through the book to make everything is secured, and with a deep breath, you stand. Ms Prentice is smiling at you from her desk, beckoning you over once she realizes you have your portfolio in hand. 

“Glad to see my top student is still consistent,” she said in a sing-song voice, taking the portfolio from you as soon as you reach her desk. “Are you sure you don’t want to take the weekend to add more? I heard the concert you’re attending is today.”

You shake your head. “No, ma’am. I completed the task I was hired for, so any photos I take at the concert won’t have an impact on the messages I want to convey.” 

She smiles at you. “I look forward to looking through it, then. You’re dismissed if you have nothing else to complete here.” “Nothing else unless you have a task for me,” you answer, smiling down at her.

Ms Prentice shakes her head, still smiling. “Go ahead, enjoy the rest of your day. Say hello to Mark for me. He’s quite the polite young man.” Blushing, you nod. “Okay, I will.” 

As soon as you stepped outside the classroom, you breathed a deep sigh of relief. All of your finals were completed and after the final week of classes, you would prepare to graduate at the end of June. 

After making a quick stop to the arts building to pick up a photo frame, you put on some music and headed out to the streetcars. It was still quite early in the morning, so you had a place to sit down during your trip to the venue. You noticed you still hadn't answered Mark's text, you decide to do so while you waited. 

You: sorry, was submitting my final - prof says hello

You: I'm on my way now

You: What do you mean by strange dream?

It didn't take Mark long to reply. 

Mark: travel safe

Mark: Well it's a little embarrassing to explain kinda 

You: I had a dream too last night with you in it 

Mark: what happened in it 

You: you stayed with me last night and you slept in my bed 

Mark: and that's it?

You: hell no >\\\> 

Mark: I think we had the same dream

You: how did it end?

Mark: well, uh, you know…

You: mine ended with rhiannon waking me up so I think mine got cut off 

Mark: oh 

Well I think you can infer what ended up happening 

You: aaaaaaaaaaa 

Mark: I just wish I could have stayed 

You: I wish too but I'll be there soon 

Mark: I'll meet you at the station

You: arent you worried about fans swarming you

Mark: nah it's too early for any fans to be showing up since everything is seated there is no reason to camp out 

You: okay as long as you're sure 

You: Thank you

Mark: of course <3 

You: I'm really nervous 

You: That dream I had felt really real 

Mark: it did for me too 

You put your phone down and licked your lips. If anything, you would have loved to live out that dream. Go all the way. It made your body ache thinking about it, but it also made you nervous to think about sneaking around the others if you suggested it to Mark. 

You arrived at your stop, a little surprised the place was mostly empty save for Mark sitting inside one of the bus shelters. As soon as he saw the streetcar pull up, he stood to wait for you by the curb. 

Mark was still dressed in casual clothes, jeans and a black t-shirt with a pair of yellow converse. That probably meant they hadn't started getting ready for performances yet - which was reasonable considering it wasn't even midday.

Mark smiles when he spots you through the window, waving at you as you exited. Without a word you approached him and trapped him in a tight hug.

"Woah," he whispered, wrapping his arms around you. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah," you reply into his chest, voice muffled. "I just missed you." 

Mark kissed the top of your head, "I missed you too." Gently holding your shoulders he separated from the hug. "Come on, let's go inside." He takes your hand and squeezes it gently, smiling down at you with a blush consuming his cheeks. 

Mark leads you across the street and toward the venue, enjoying a comfortable silence blanketed under the warm summer sun. Just as you reach the maintenance doors, he pauses. "Oh, I almost forgot. Here, you'll need this." Mark reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled up lanyard. On the end of it was a laminated card that had the Neo City cover photo inside with "Backstage Pass" written on the bottom.

"Oh, thank you. I almost forgot about these." You let him put the lanyard around your neck, smoothing it out gently. He smiles and nods approvingly, then continues leading you inside. 

There are people milling about, hauling things into the stadium from trucks. You don't have to explicitly show your lanyard, you assume, because you're with Mark, but workers are still cautiously watching you as you pass by. 

Once you two enter the arena, you notice that you're close to the back section, where you originally bought tickets for. You spot everyone lounging around the stage that looked like it was just finished being put up. Rhiannon is there as well, sitting with Donghyuck and Jungwoo.

The arena itself was smaller than the largest one you've been to for another concert the year before, but it was still impressive. You take a quick look around, noticing the different sections and the VIP rooms that were attached to the ceiling. This place was originally for hockey, after all.

"Hey, guys!" Mark calls into the stadium. Everyone perks up from their conversation and wave at you, prompting you to wave back sheepishly. "Do you want to go see them, or?" Mark held your hand tightly, speaking softly. 

"What do you mean?" You look at him, eyebrows furrowed in curiosity.

"You know… what we talked about. Make time?" There's something in Mark's eyes as he speaks like he's begging you, the usually bright and playful twinkle in his eyes replaced by love and need. His gaze flicks from your eyes to your lips, and he steps a tiny bit closer to you. 

Before you can answer, you hear Rhiannon shouting in your direction in Korean. You quickly glance at her, and even though you're too far away to see her face properly, you can tell she's making an obscene gesture at you - making a circle with her thumb and index finger, passing the index finger of her other hand through the circle. The other guys burst out laughing, and you feel your cheeks light up in an embarrassed blush.

"Uhm, what did she say?" 

Mark smiles awkwardly, face bright red. He still keeps eye contact, licking his lips before answering your question. "She said she better not catch us trying to fuck in the hallway again…" 

You press your forehead into his chest, groaning. "Now they all know about that?!"

Mark chuckles gently. "Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay though, they're all understanding, I promise. Come on, I have a place for us to go. If you want, that is." 

"Y-yeah, but I don't want them to make fun of us…" Mark once again begins leading you out of the stage area and into the main hallway of the venue. 

He holds you close as you walk, "I promise that they won't. They can have their fun now, but they'll be doing the exact same thing when they find their own soulmates."

You guessed that you could agree with him on that. You're not exactly sure where he could be leading you as you eventually approach a stairway. Mark stops, searching your expression silently.

"Are you okay, Mark?" 

He licks his lips again when he hears his name. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just want to know if you really truly want to do this, and not because you feel pressured." 

You gently squeeze Mark's hand, nodding. "I really want this. I give you my full and utter consent. I don't want you to be uncomfortable or pressured, either." 

Mark smiles gently at you, relieved. He starts to go up the staircase. "That's why I came here with Donghyuck earlier than the others. Come on, we're almost there." 

A little confused by what he meant, you let Mark keep the lead. At the top of the staircase was another smaller hallway lined with doorways. You figured it was to the observation boxes you saw when you were in the arena. He leads you to the end of the hallway, stopping at the final door.

"This one," Mark says to himself, looking back and smiling at you. 

"You're not-" 

Mark quickly opens the door and holds it open for you, allowing you to enter first. The premium seating area was a lot fancier than you expected- and a lot more closed off. The window overlooking the stage was covered by a black curtain, leaving the room dark until Mark entered the room behind you, flicking on the lights and setting them to be dim. He closed the door behind himself, leaving the two of you truly alone.

On the left of the room was a little kitchen area, complete with cabinets, a mini-fridge and a counter with an electric kettle sitting atop it. In the corner of the counter was a little sink accompanied by soft-looking tea towels. By the window was a bar table with some high chairs, next to it a coffee table shoved against it. On the left of the room was a couch with a soft blanket spread over it. 

Mark kicked off his shoes and set them by the door. "What do you think?" He asked shyly. "We have this room until about 2, so plenty of time before people start looking for me."

"Wow," was all you could really muster, also managing to slide off your own shoes. You set your backpack next to them, placing your lanyard on the top of your bag. "You really did this just so we could have some time alone?"

"Yeah," Mark moved to stand in front of you, gently taking your hand and bringing it up to his face so he could kiss your knuckles fondly. "It beats a broom closet or the hallway outside your apartment," he grins. 

Your face goes red as your memories flood of his knee nearly meeting your crotch the night before. "Yeah, you're right. Thank you for making me comfortable." 

"Of course," he replies cheerfully. "Want me to make you some tea?" 

"No, thank you," your gaze meets Mark's and you swallowed thickly. "I really can't get that dream out of my head," your voice quiets to a whisper, like someone outside could still hear you.

Mark's expression changes quickly, from cheerful to something you could almost discern as predatory. "Me neither," he agreed, his voice deeper and softer. "Can I kiss you?" 

"You can do a lot more than that," you manage to breathe out before his lips are on yours. You wrap your arms around his torso, grasping the cloth of his t-shirt. His hands are resting gently over the jean material covering your hips, mouth moving against yours perfectly. 

You whimper into the kiss, deciding to be a little bold. You untucked his shirt from his jeans and slide your hands underneath the fabric. He takes in a sharp breath once your hands land on his skin, and he breaks the kiss.

"Wow," he sighs, looking at you with half-lidded eyes. His face is flushed and he's smiling warmly at you. 

You sigh in return, swallowing thickly. You want to kiss him again, but he backs up. The next thing you know, he's pulling off his shirt, the fabric landing gently on the floor. Mark then begins guiding your hands to touch his chest. His skin is smooth and soft, toned but not too muscular. His hands are wrapped softly around your wrists, guiding but not completely controlling where you touch.

"Feels good," he sighs, and you wonder if you should stay bold.

"I have an idea," you whisper, your gaze flicking to the couch for a moment. "Sit down?" 

Mark silently agrees with you, both of you approaching the furniture. Mark sits down first, and you take a moment to drink in the view. He's already nearly panting, watching you and running his tongue over his lips. 

Even though his soulmate scar has changed much of what his chest would originally look like, you see his pecs, hard nipples and the outline of nearly formed abs on his tummy. Your eyes continue down to the small black trail of hair that ends your gaze at the band of his boxers peeking out from his jeans. You can tell he's already half-hard in his pants, but you try to not let your gaze linger out of shyness.

"You're stunning, Mark," you say, possibly paralyzed as you stand in front of him. 

He smiles, reaching both arms out to you. "C'mere," he says, "I want to know what you had in mind." 

Licking your own lips, you nod and approach him, climbing onto his lap and straddling him. You gently kiss him once more, and when you back away, he tries to follow and catch your lips again. You shake your head at him, feeling his hands wander back to your hips.

Taking in a deep breath, you dive in. First, your lips meet the crevice of his neck to his traps, lightly trailing your lips across his skin. You feel the slight swelling of his scar, then normal skin as you end your little expedition on the edge of his shoulder. Placing a hand on his chest, you feel his heartbeat, a little fast-paced but steady. You close your eyes for a moment, readying yourself and hoping that he was going to like what you were about to do.

You lean back to look Mark in the eye, even if he is already lost in how he's feeling. "This all is okay, right?" You ask, just to make sure. Your hand slides from his chest down to his hip, slipping a finger barely underneath the band of his boxers.

"Oh yeah," he sighs. "Keep going." 

You comply, lowering your mouth to gently flick your tongue on his right nipple. His reaction is immediate, a whimper that nearly sends you to the high heavens, a strong tingly feeling surging through your crotch. 

"Fuck," the word sounded so obscene yet sweet coming from him, "that's good." 

Smiling triumphantly, you continue with your plan. Gently licking and sucking ever so slightly on his chest until he's a moaning mess, his grip on your hips getting tighter and you start to feel his cock straining in his pants. 

"(Y/N), wait, wait," 

You immediately perk up and begin to worry. "I'm sorry, did I-" 

"No," he nearly laughs. "If you keep doing that, I'm gonna cum in my pants."

You sheepishly look away, "oh," 

"(Y/N), it's okay," Mark says softly, his hands coming to your chest to unclip your overalls, "let's make this about you, too." 

You're speechless as he slowly guides you to stand up, the loose shortalls falling to the floor. His eyes are almost immediately glued to your panties, and you nearly forgot you were wearing your Avengers themed underwear today, the A symbol brandished proudly on the front.

Mark is grinning at you now. "Please tell me there are Avengers on your butt."

Whimpering out of embarrassment, you hide your face in your hands and you drop to your knees in front of him. Mark kisses your forehead, gently taking hold of your wrists again so you can't hide your face. 

"It's okay, I really like them. Come and sit on my lap again, please?" 

Once you realize how you're sitting, you look up at Mark. He's towering over you, and you like that he is looking down at you. "Do you not want me to-" 

Mark shakes his head gently. "Not this time. I just need you in the real way right now." 

When those words reach your ears, you know you're whipped. Standing and stepping out of the jeans pooled beneath you, you clamour back onto Mark's lap. Instantly he's back to kissing you, his hands now freely roaming up the sides of your body, softly. Like in your dream. 

Before Mark can take off your shirt, you both began pressing harder against each other, causing you to moan into the kiss. It felt good to feel his clothed cock over your panties, one less layer preventing complete feeling. 

"Fuck, I wanted to drag this out," Mark says in between kisses that are growing in intensity, "I can almost feel how wet you are and my pants are still on,"

"Take them off, please?" You ask, borderline begging. Mark smiles up at you and doesn't hesitate in complying. You balance on your knees with your hands on Mark's chest as he slides his hands between you both to unbutton and wriggle out of his pants, bringing his boxers with them. Once his cock is free, it sits flush and hard against his abdomen. You find yourself unable to peel your eyes away from it.

"Like what you see?" He jokes, gripping the shaft and moaning once he gives it a couple strong tugs. "Fuck, need you.."

"Mm," you're barely able to form a response, especially when Mark hooks his fingers against your shirt, coaxing you to lift up your arms and allow it to slide off. Next is your bra, and you help him unclip the back as he presses soft kisses to the swell of your breasts.

"God, you're beautiful, I'm so glad I have you," Mark then takes your hands to lace your fingers with his. Slowly you sink your body back down to rest against his cock, moving your hips ever so slightly, sliding the fabric of your panties against his bare member.

"Mark," you whimper, thrusting forward a little stronger. "I really want you to…"

"To what?" Mark asked, his voice husky and his pupils blown with lust. His lips meet yours one more time. 

"Fuck me, please," 

Mark licks his lips and groans. "Just wait a little, gotta make sure.." he lets go of your hands, leaving them to rest again on his shoulders. His own trail down your sides, causing you to squirm and whimper at the touch, your skin incredibly sensitive. He soon takes a hold of your panties, sliding them down your legs. "Fuck, look, it's sticking to your underwear, that's so hot…"

You look down, and you notice a tiny string of wetness still attached to your underwear. You almost want to hide your face in the crook of Mark's shoulder, but instead, he coaxes you to stand long enough to rid your legs of your panties. 

"Look at you," he whispers, making you acutely aware that you're completely naked in front of him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you look him in the eye, straddling his lap once more and leaning against him for a quick and intimate hug. "I've just never been naked in front of anyone before."

"Me neither, it's okay," he says softly. "Can I touch you?" 

"Yes," you suck in a sharp breath as Mark trails a finger down your stomach. As soon as he reaches your crotch, you feel like you could explode into flames. You think this is the first time Mark has really hesitated, but you're fine with it. 

"Like this," you say softly, using your hand to guide his. Gathering some wetness on his fingers, you guide him to rub a few tiny circles on your clit before you let him take over.

"Good?" He asks, continuing the movement until you nod, sighing. It felt amazing that you were finally getting to some relief of the ache that's been building inside your abdomen. Soon there's another jolt of pleasure running through you as Mark slips a finger inside you. 

"Fuck, Mark," you whine, pressing your forehead to his. You can feel his breath on you, ghosting your lips against his own. Once Mark adds a second finger, you feel like his soft movements could make you cum right then and there. He's fucking you ever so slowly with his fingers that you could nearly call it torture. "Please, I think… I think I'm ready," 

"O-okay," Mark stutters for a moment, and it feels just as good when his fingers slip out. "We can go slow, right?"

"Any way you want," you answer, pecking his lips again. 

"Okay," he sighs sweetly, guiding your hips downward with one hand and lining himself up with the other. "God, I can already feel it," he whines, feeling the tip of his leaking cock nudging your entrance. "Better than what I dreamed."

Ever so slowly, you're sinking down onto him. There's a bit of a stretch and a little bit of pain, but you work through it as best you can. Mark is clenching his jaw, eyes shut tightly. His hands are gripping your hips hard enough to bruise, and his breathing has picked up to wanton panting. 

"Fuck, fuck, (Y/N), this is so good, it feels so good to be inside," His words cause you to pulse around him, making you both cry out. Without warning Mark's hips snap upward, his voice slowly groaning out more curse words, following your cry of surprise. "Fuck, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

You wince but nod at him once he opens his eyes. "Yeah, I'm okay. I think. I think we can move." 

"Okay. I want to fuck you, is that alright?" 

You nod, your face burning. You brace yourself, hands balancing on the back of the couch and gripping the soft blanket. When Mark starts to move, you can hear your wetness squelching and his accompanying quiet moans of 'fuck, that's hot.' Mark leans forward, his arms coming to broadly trap you in a hug as he slowly thrusts upward to meet with your pelvis. He presses wanton and open-mouthed kisses to your neck, and you can feel him smiling faintly every time you say his name. 

You know for sure that you've quickly given up most of your ability to hold yourself up. Even though you're full of energy and are being consumed by a swirl of wanton feelings, the constant build of pleasure in your abdomen and the contracting of your pussy around Mark every time any noise came out of him left you feeling like a ragdoll. Mark is holding you up through his hug, and because of how your chests are squished together, you can feel him breathe.

"Mark," you managed to cry out once his slow thrusts began to grow faster and more needy, "Mark, I'm close," 

"Please tell me you're gonna cum first, fuck, (Y/N), please cum first!" Mark is losing his rhythm now, crying out stuttered moans between his begging for you to cum. 

"Mark, don't stop, please… I'm gonna cum," You're unable to feel embarrassment from the obscenities leaving your mouth as the pressure that's been building inside you reaches its peak, your pussy rapidly pulsing around Mark's cock. Your eyes are rolling back as clear ecstasy washes over you, sharp spikes of pleasure eventually dulling.

"Fuck, tight, need more, fuck! Fuck, (Y/N), I'm gonna cum too, fuck, I'm cumming!" You're nearly about to begin whimpering from overstimulation before you feel Mark's cock still. It hardened even further, twitching inside of you and following it was the warmth of his cum. 

Slowly, you both come down to reality, Mark gently kissing your neck as you lay nearly limp on him, his fingers tracing delicate patterns on your back. There is a clear sheen of sweat between you, and soon it becomes a little uncomfortable.

"Hey, do you think you can sit up? I need to get some stuff to get you clean," Mark's voice is calm and sweet, if not still a little ragged. 

"I think so," you manage to answer, trying your best to balance again on your knees, your whole body starting to tremble. Mark's softening cock slides out, a dollop of his cum following. Somehow, you feel less complete without him there.

"Let me help," Mark says softly, gently guiding you to lay down on the couch. Once he knows you're comfortable, he pulls on his boxers and wanders to the counter. 

You're watching him with hooded eyes as he reaches into one of the cupboards, pulling out a small pack of baby wipes, following with dampening two of the washcloths in the sink. 

"I got these on the way back last night and that's how Johnny figured out what I wanted," he said sheepishly as he came back to you, kissing you softly before kneeling down and opening up the little packet. "He had the idea of bringing that blanket." 

"I really didn't expect that to happen," you say, taking in a sharp breath when you feel coolness over your thighs as Mark cleans you up. "Thank you."

"Anything for you," he said, passing you the damp washcloth. "Just so we both don't look like we just had sex." 

You nod, taking the cloth and dabbing it over your forehead and chest. Once your fatigue begins to fade, you sit up and watch Mark sitting cross-legged on the floor, wiping away the layer of sweat from his chest. His eyes meet yours, and the way he smiles at you makes you tear up. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Mark immediately looks concerned, standing and taking a seat next to you. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course," you wipe a tear away with your hand, "I just really love you." In that moment you feel more vulnerable than you ever had in your life. Naked, scarred and crying in front of your soulmate. 

Mark's smile returns quickly, pecking a quick kiss to your cheek. "I love you, too, (Y/N)." His eyes are sparkling again, something that makes your heart ache even more, but in a good way. "Come on, let's get you dressed." 

Soon he is standing again, coaxing you to join him. He helps you slip your underwear back on, making an idle comment and bearing a giant grin when he realizes that there really are Avengers characters on the butt of your panties.

Mark takes extra care in making sure you were comfortable and your bra was sitting properly on your chest. He blew raspberries on your tummy, grinning as you laughed. Honestly, the thought that should have been in your mind was completely dismissed in the sweet moments of Mark helping you get dressed. 

"Now I'm hungry," you say as you finish putting on your shortalls, laughter on your lips, pretending to pout at Mark as he slips on his shirt, tucking it tightly back into his pants. 

Mark nods, "yeah, me too. We can get some food in the green room. Here, you have a twisty strap," Mark approaches you once more and unclips one of your overall buttons, straightening out the strap and smoothing it along your shoulder. "There, all better." 

"Thank you," you look back over the room, noticing a backpack that wasn't yours sitting next to the couch. "Is that yours?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah. After the show, I'm gonna come back here to grab it. I just have to fold the blanket and put away the washcloths." 

"I can help you," you say, turning around go grab the blanket and fold it, but Mark gently takes your hand to stop you once you try to reach for the backpack to stuff it inside.

"It's okay, you can help me after. We should get something to eat now," Mark is smiling fondly at you, nodding toward the door. Huffing a tiny sigh you agree, putting the folded blanket down on the couch and following him to slip on your shoes, grab your lanyard and backpack, heading out the door.

[mannatea]

*1) did you read the end of AoT, or hear about it? Has your opinion about aot changed during those years? now that it's all over I can definitely say that I'm disappointed and deeply hurt (especially with the death of my babies sasha and hange) although for some reasons different from yours. I understand if you don't want to talk about aot anymore, but the thing is,

Hi, hello, thanks for sending this almost out of nowhere. I really appreciate it! (Like, genuinely. That isn't sarcasm.)

I do recall that post I wrote about characterization, because I believe I also had a request to do one for Hange (which I think I did? I feel like there was a hideous artwork I did to go with it and I remember that way more than the post). I can't believe how long ago that was LOL!

I'll hit on a couple of points, or try to. I'm super flattered that you'd come to me for characterization help/advice... FeelsGoodMan. I mean, I'm kind of a washed up ol' fanfic writer now (blows the dust off of my works) but the one thing I've always tried to do is write right by the characters. They are the reason people are clicking on your story, after all; you'd best write them right.

(I fully acknowledge that I was not always successful in this endeavor. Of all the levihan works I put out into the world, the picky picky new me would probably chuck about half of them in the landfill for being OOC.)

I did not catch up fully on the series, though I do still follow a couple of people who read to the end so I have a kind-of moderate understanding of what happened (props to them, by the way; you are stronger and braver than me).

I think I've made peace with the series going a direction I had not anticipated and did not like. At least...to an extent. I'm sure with the right people I could spew endless rants into the air, but the reality is this: sometimes things evolve and change in a way that you, the audience, either:

1. Are not happy with.

2. Do Not Like.

3. Are disgusted/revolted/angered/saddened by.

These are three separate points because honestly, I think if the degree of unhappiness with a direction your favorite series takes is low, or even at the Definitely Don't Like That point, you're not likely to drop the thing, especially not cold turkey.

However, if that direction makes you feel a strong negative emotion, and makes you feel it for long enough—because the shift has a lasting impact for whatever reason—you may find it's in your best interest to, uh...part ways.

And when I say this, I don't just mean This Series! The same issue is taking place in my current fandom as well, to the point where I even made a post talking about it—about how hard it is to feel those sorts of disappointments, rage, fear... I know it sounds silly but when you write fanfiction, draw art, engage in a fandom by making friends or interacting with fanworks...you emotionally invest yourself in it. That makes it hard to let go, but sometimes you do have to ask yourself: should I, though?

That full post is for another day or maybe never (idk, if anyone wants to read that hit me up), but I let go of SnK. It started out interesting but before the timeskip they'd already lost me. It ended up becoming a series that was not meant for me. I've accepted it! And when I've kind of low-key paid attention to what was going on in the series (because even though I dropped it, I still wanted to know how it ended; I mean sure I'm nosy af, but I didn't invest myself into the series for four years only to lose interest in knowing how it ended) it just further solidified my understanding and belief that I did the right thing in dropping it.

Anyway, unfortunately I cannot offer you any "updated" advice for either character, because I'm just so separated from the series it's like...I've lost touch with them (if that makes sense). The one thing I think is probably true though, is that Hange and Levi are the types of characters whose core essences would not be significantly altered by temporary or short-term circumstances. And when I say short-term, I mean relative to how long they've already lived. Yes, Hange undoubtedly gets more "serious" and depressed as time goes on, but it's not as if she's lost what makes her her. Circumstances force her to put on that brave face and take charge where necessary, to put more energy toward serious discussions and making difficult decisions, but the curiosity, the desire to protect humanity: that would never go away. After all, Hange's curiosity, her drive to Do Good in the World: all of that came along way before the newest set of circumstances. So it's still there—she's still Hange. It's just...this looming disastrous new issue is in play and it requires a lot of energy that she used to devote to other things (and can no longer afford to).

I have no earthly idea if any of that will help you, but the most important thing about characterization is to try and put yourself into the shoes of the characters you're writing. Try to fully immerse yourself. Don't make the mistake of thinking, "What would Hange do?" and then really writing what YOU would do in that same circumstance. Pull from canon where you can to get a better grasp on characterization, ask a friend you trust (not a Yes Man kind of friend—someone who isn't afraid to tell you that your idea is OOC), write down character traits that you've seen to help you recall them more easily.

One last advice: no one is perfect at character writing. We all make mistakes or bite off more than we can chew with a character. Heck, the creator himself made sure we knew what a genius Erwin was and then had him form the most hare-brained dumbass plan ever (the suicide run YES I AM STILL SALTY I LOST MY BOY MARLOWE!!!). The key is always going to be to think twice. At least with fanfic you have the option of being able to take as much time as you want because you don't have deadlines to meet, so you can iron out issues like that (provided you can catch them, but you can also find yourself a lovely beta-reader to assist in those matters). Heck, if you try to write something and you realize you're out of your league, you can simply Not Post It, saving yourself a lot of pain and suffering. (Even I do this more often than I want to admit!)

Best of luck out there, and if you think of anything else feel free to send me another message. I hope this was at least one percent useful lmao.

[woman-of-culture]

The traitor (1/2)

Dabi x reader

Part 2

Warnings: Dabis identity, 3rd year age up, this does not accurately follow the plot when it comes to timing and character introduction, (most likely) a lot of grammatical errors

This is gonna be a 2 part story with the smut in the 2nd part! (Not to mention it’s gonna be much longer)

The semester is finally over! No more assignments and no more work so I present to you my first ever fanfiction. Hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Words: 3,056

The League of villains might not have the best plans. Sometimes, they're poorly thought out, other times... Again, not all that effective.

From their poor managing skills to the attack on USJ where they consequentially lost the perfect nomu, their planning could use ‘some’ work. The leader, Shigaraki, being quite immature for his position, executed his plans prematurely and without much thought - oftentimes underestimating his opponents (even if they were just high school first years). Saying he has a ways to go from being the perfect leader would be an understatement.

But no matter how much you complain, you can’t ignore the fact that he’s also a valiant leader who fights for what he thinks is right, even if he does need some help along the way. That’s where you come in, being Shigarakis right hand (wo)man, alongside Kurogiri, wasn’t an easy job. Having to deal with his temper tantrums, being forced to execute a plan you didn’t 100% agree with and having your advice ignored completely most of the time wasn’t exactly what you thought joining The League of Villains would be like, but eh, nothing ever goes the way you want it to.

Which is exactly what led to this situation.

"So let me get this straight..." You say, whilst letting out an exasperated sigh "You want to kidnap and persuade, of all people, Bakugou Katsuki to turn on his dream of becoming a hero just because you've seen him compete in the sports festival?"

Not really getting your point, Shigaraki just nods with an assertive "Yes"

"No" You turn your back on him, disappointed he would even suggest this thought.

Narrowing his eyes, as if to challenge any further refusal on your part, he demands to know why you so vehemently refuse the suggestion of your next big mission.

Not at all wavering with your determination, you look him in the eyes, practically begging for him to understand how fruitless this endeavor would be.

"He might act...villainous when facing certain confrontation but he is solely focused on becoming the number one pro hero one day, it would take a hell of a lot more than just kidnapping and talking for him to turn his back on that dream. He’s determined, passionate and has a real fighting spirit. I believe if you really want him to join you need to break his spirit in some way, target him when he’s at his lowest"

Contemplating your words for merely a second he decided against listening to reason on the ground ‘It’s the perfect next move for the League to cause distrust among society, even if he refuses there will be chaos from the fact that we managed to capture a UA student whilst on a training camp.’”

Seeing no point in arguing further, you declare that you will have no part in this plan since:

1) You truly believe this will end up a failure

2) You are a student participating in the training camp and your involvement would be too risky

"Goddamn it, I knew I shouldn't have told you where the training camp will be held..." You mutter under your breath, as you look to Kurogiri, who has been silent during that whole argument, to open a portal to your apartment.

Exhausted and in need of some food, you trudge your way up to the small apartment you've called home ever since AFO took you in 4 years ago.

It was a small one bedroom apartment fit for one person, certainly better than the streets you've come to know so well during your years of desperation and homelessness.

A sigh of relief escaping once you managed to close your door and take off your shoes.

"Good evening doll."

"Good evening burnt rat, who I specifically warned not to come here anymore."

He winced, as if the comment actually hurt his feelings. "Ouch, why the sour attitude sweetheart?" Walking up to the couch, glaring at your ‘guest’ who had decided to make himself at home despite your warnings of dumping his body in the nearest ditch.

“You tell me Dabi, why in the world would you continue coming here after all my threats and the fact UA is 5 minutes from here?” “Isn’t it obvious? Despite your constant nagging, you never kick me out, you have a pretty fucking nice TV and not to mention you’re a decent cook.”

Ah, Dabi...one of the newest members of the League who joined not even 2 weeks ago. He’s a peculiar guy who comes to raid your fridge and annoy the shit out of you every other day, refusing to leave until the next morning to go God knows where. When it comes to the topic of kicking him out...you never seem to find the will to do so, whether it be the crippling loneliness forcing you to get some form of social interaction or the fact you find his company kinda enjoyable. Of course, you wouldn’t admit either to anyone even if it costs you your life.

You look at his form lounging on the couch in his pants and pale gray, scoop-neck shirt. “So, I’m guessing you ate my dinner again...?” You picked up his dark blue jacket that was lazily tossed onto the back of the sofa and made your way to the front door in order to hang it, just then noticing the dark dress shoes placed haphazardly next to the shoe rack.

With a sly wink sent your way he confirms he ate the tempura you prepared that afternoon. “But you know what? Could you be a sweetheart and make some more food? It was just so delicious but unfortunately not all that filling.” He asked, hoping flattery will get him some more food.

Looking into the fridge you could physically feel a headache coming when you confirm no tempura in sight. You would feel more frustrated if a brilliant idea didn’t come up that second. “Listen Dabi, let’s make a deal.” You turn the corner, ready to give him an ultimatum. “Oh? Where is this going? In exchange for some of your cooking I’d eat something else out first?” He tries to guess, suggestively lifting one eyebrow whilst crossing his arms at the back of his head.

Stopping in your tracks, you look at him speechless, the blood rushing to your cheeks undeniably creating a faint pink blush.”W-what!? No, you asshole! T-tomorrow are final exams so I wanted to suggest you spar with me and after I’d cook anything you want.” In what little time you knew Dabi, that was the first suggestive comment he has made towards you, breaking your thoughts for a hot second - enough to make you stutter during your protest.

Looking proud with the pink he managed to conjure on your cheeks, he closed his eyes with a smirk on his mismatched, pale-burnt lips. “Don’t know ‘bout that doll, sounds like too much work and I’ve had a long day.” He groans to emphasize his point.

“Ok then, starve”

...

“Well, actually-...”

--------------------------------------------------

The next day, during the practical exam, you ended up with Jirou against Present Mic (I’m sorry Koji but plot) which you managed to win with ease considering Dabi helped you strategize. Not to mention he gave you tips on how to improve your quirk which you implemented in the battle only to end up victorious. You’d probably need to thank him later.

Whilst reminiscing on the event, Aizawa enters into the classroom informing that no one will be left out of the training camp, but the ones who failed will receive harsher training. He gave out lodge guides and all the information needed (which you of course knew thanks to sneaking into the teachers lounge after hours) Everyone also decided to go on a shopping trip to buy the necessary things for the trip, with the exceptions of you, Bakugou and Todoroki.

Worrying about the events that will transpire did you no good so you contently walked home thinking of going to the store for some ingredients in case a certain uninvited guest decided to show up again.

Thinking about what will inevitably happen reminded you of the fact you haven’t visited the bar since your little disagreement with Shigaraki. ‘I guess I can’t blame him, even if Bakugou doesn’t join it will still provoke some fear and distrust among the general public, I guess I should apologize to him...’

-------------------------------------------------- 

“TOMURA!” The bar rattles with the impact of the door against the wall, barely keeping itself on it’s hinges after the kind of force you used. The people inside the bar looking at you with mixed emotions, some shocked, some indifferent and some enjoying the drama. Spinner, Toga, Dabi, Magne and Kurogiri silently looking at you for answers to their unanswered questions while Shigaraki looks at you completely shocked for he has not yet seen such an outburst from you.

“Wasn’t this supposed to be your plan? How careless can you be? In order for a stunt like this to succeed you’d need to be extra careful and methodical. Yet, what do you do? You confront Midoriya at the mall as if it wouldn’t have consequences”

“Oh, that’s all?” He returns to his planning as if you didn’t almost break down the door.

“What do you mean ‘that’s all’? Do you understand how irresponsible that was, you could have gotten caught! The whole mall was swarming with police officers literally 5 minutes after your little ‘chat’.”

“They wouldn’t have caught me even if they showed up that instant, if you used your brain you would remember that Kurogiri could just teleport me out.” Scratching his neck, clearly done with this conversation, he turned to walk away to get some quiet to finalize the plan in peace.

“You don’t get it do you? Aizawa announced the camp will not be held in the forest lodge it’s usually held every year because of this ‘incident’.” You explain taking a step to his form that stopped walking the moment those words left your lips. He turned, the scratching getting more violent by the second. “Well, where is it then?”

You don’t want to admit it but the way he looked at you, as if it was your fault the camp relocated, sent a chill down your spine. “I don’t know, the new location won’t be revealed until we get there.”

“Then you’ll send your location the moment you get there, is that so hard?” You felt your anger and frustration bubble the moment he dismissed the problem as if it were nothing, however you continued your calm-ish facade. “Tomura, I’m begging you to understand! With this there are a lot more unknown variables. You won’t have time to prepare, to get to know the layout, the schedule, anything! You’ll be going in there blind, this is definitely not a safe plan for the members. What if some of them get caught? What if-...”

You weren’t even able to finish the rest of your concern before he yelled out for you to shut up, that it was none of your concern since you weren’t apart of this mission. “We will simply have Dabi burn down half of the woods so they won’t know what’s going on, the rest only concerns the participants of this plan which, again, you are NOT, now LEAVE!”

You looked Tomura in the eyes, tears welling up in yours due to the sheer frustration of the situation. Did your opinion really mean so little to the man? You wanted nothing more than the success of the League, to fulfill your debt to AFO for saving you so many years ago. Sometimes staying up past 3 AM helping with whatever you could just because you felt as if the League really needed you. Were you really so useless to the man before you, who you would consider a dear friend, family? He ignored your advice, existence even, except when he needed insider information. You were quiet most of the time, rarely giving resistance to the point your bottled up feeling reached their limits. You lifted your head, a single tear making its way down your face as you uttered your next words.

“I will send you the location, I will figure out the schedule, I will inform you on everyone's position during the attack but just know this Tomura, your carelessness will shoot you down from that pedestal you made for yourself. You’re childish, immature, naive and juvenile. If you continue thinking you can do all of this alone it’s gonna cost you your life, the members lives, masters life-...”

That was the trigger...the last straw that finally diminished his last nerve. Lunging at you with all five fingers ready to disintegrate your arm as a form of cruel punishment. It was like slow motion, not really thinking of this outcome proved to be your downfall as you could only watch his hand getting closer.

20 centimeters...

10 centimeters...

5....

Oh fuck...

As if God heard your prayers, an arm found it’s way around your waist, pulling you to a lean, muscular chest while the other grabbed Shigarakis, pulling it away from your form and pressing his hand, that was moments away from your trembling arm, onto the counter, decaying a part of the wood until there was nothing but dust left.

The shock of the situation being felt all around the room. You didn’t fully process the severity of the event until Dabi let out a low growl, ready to use his quirk if need be. Looking up his face, situated not even 5 cm away from your own, you saw the burning fire behind his glare directed at Shigaraki, a threat, daring him to move a single finger in your direction.

In any other situation you’d pull his arm off, threatening to cut it off. However, this wasn’t any other situation. His warmth providing a sense of security you’ve never felt before, making you wish it could stay there just a minute longer. His natural musk invading your senses, calming your pounding heart to the point you almost forgot the predicament you got yourself into.

All too soon, he let go of you only to pull you behind his back with his arm stretched to the side, blocking the view of your leader with his back. Relieved, angry, confused, terrified... You couldn’t exactly categorize your feelings, the information not fully processed in your mind. You grabbed onto the back of his jacket as a means to get closer to him, scrunching it between your fingers to keep him where he is.

Whilst this was going on, Shigaraki looked at his hand, eyes wide open. For a few seconds he couldn’t fathom what he just tried to do. He looked at your form, cowering behind Dabi who only glared daggers at him silently questioning his actions.

“Out.” was the only word able to come out of his throat, not knowing how to deal with the consequences of the previous moment.

Not needing to be told twice, you ran out of the bar as fast as your legs could take you. Stumbling on your own feet, chest heaving and vision blurry you didn’t notice the set of footsteps following behind you until a hand reached out stopping you in your tracks. You panicked, kicking at your assailant in an attempt to get free.

“Calm down, would ya? It’s only me...” Turning around, to face what you had correctly presumed to be Dabi, you lunged out of his grasp narrowly missing the wall behind you.

“Why did you do that?”  “What do you mean why?” He looked at you, not understanding the point of the question. “I mean... Why did you jump in to defend me? This was between me and him. Don’t get me wrong I more than appreciate your help but why... You ran the risk of a fight, not to mention injury, just because i provoked him.” You said, your gaze following the trail of his body further down till you reached his black shoes.

He scoffed, as if you just uttered the stupidest sentence he has ever heard. “Provoked? What you did in there proved you have some serious balls. You pointed out the flaws in the plan and confronted hand-job about them. You prioritized every ones safety over some mission and even put yourself at risk by ultimately agreeing to the plan and sending vital information that will be used.” He took a step forward, lifting your head between his index and thumb caressing your cheek along the way to hopefully calm you some more if his words didn’t help.

“That being said, you should still have some faith in us, well, in me specifically.” He smirked noticing the corner of your lips twitch up at his comment. “I’ll burn down every obstacle, every hero that comes in my way so you won’t have to worry so much.” Finally, pressing his forehead to your own he managed to fully calm your nerves, unintentionally, you also synced up your breathing to match his.

You looked at his beautiful teal colored eyes unable to focus on any of your surroundings ‘Were his eyes always so mesmerizing?’ You felt your eyelids droop almost closing them by the time he took your hand in his and started to lead you down the road. “H-huh? Wait, where are we going?” “We’re going to your apartment to eat something and sleep, perhaps watch a movie to forget today.”

You look at the man in front of you, his coat waving with the wind to make the moment just that much more special. Has he always been like this? He actually made the effort to defend you, to run after you when you thought nobody cared. He assured you that what you did was the right thing and plans to make you forget what happened today. Did you finally have someone that cared for you?

“Yeah, sounds good”

(A/N This was my first ever attempt at writing so I hope I didn’t flunk it TOO bad. And I’m not all that satisfied with this but eh... I feel bad for having to cut it short, but I actually got requests to do more stories and I’m bad at multitasking so I’m terribly sorry for the precious users that sent me requests and the readers that want a part 2, maybe)

[sidercal]

* & ASK MEME ( ACCEPTING )!

@ofmusingsxandmayhem​​​​​ pinged: Mun Questions - 10, 20, 30,40 ,50 ,60

10. What’s the hardest thing for you to write?

very canon intensive things & smnut. once upon a time I thought I could write fairly well in regards to the latter, but I just stopped and then lost all skill lmao. as for canon things... i’ve always had this thing about being a stickler with knowing every single detail of the original lore. if it’s my own creation then pft– easy peasy. but it’s based on someone else’s imagination then um.. i’m a ball of anxiety. 

20. How much time do you spend roleplaying on average a week?

oh boy.. a good amount I feel like since I take some time out to rp during work. but I don’t really write on the weekends anymore so it’s not an exhaustive amount.

30. What do you like about roleplaying fluff?

it’s nice, easy, and i’m simply a sucker for soft romance at heart. and while angst and dumb things are equally as great, sometimes it’s a nice change of pace to write some fluff every now and then. also, there’s a sense / reveal of how a character can be when vulnerable in a safe space, etc.

40. Do you like to plot or improv?

a bit of both! though I do like to plot a little bit with new writing partners. just so I can get a basis of how their character is / how we might vibe, y’know? after we’re pals of some sort, it’s a roundtrip to random town. 

50. What’s something you like about FCs/Play-Bys?

helps give structure to specific muses / ideas for me. that’s.. about it though.

60. Who’s a roleplayer (or writer) you think you have learned a lot from? 

Eh heh heh heh hehhhhhh IT’S MY TIME TO SHINE BOIS. THE FOLLOWING FOLKS HAVE MADE THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON MY WRITING, IDEAS, ETC. 

@amelorates​ from the get go. longest mutual ( i think ) that i’ve been frequently(ish) writing with for... x amount of years. first person i made private muses for, responsible for a good chunk of my muses over the years ( all across x amount of blogs ), and highly influential with the way my writing’s changed overtime. also? definitely helped me overcome that weird fear of writing canon characters, and is a genuinely great friend.

@riastracl​ you’re next, bud. talk about a lore king. always insightful with potential dumb ideas, helped my dumb of ass with forming muses especially with the sea goons. also very influenced by the way he writes ( like hello???? all of that prose?? how can I Not? ). also a seriously great friend to have over the year(s) ( i lost track of time oops ).

@moonwoken​ where do i even start. the easiest would be how amazing your writing is. simply put, it’s always been jaw dropping. i vividly remember how inspired i was to follow along when we first started writing – not to mention how nice of a challenge it proved to be! also? the overall kindness you show to others is aspiring, and i’m truly grateful to have gotten to write with you thus far!

@huntershowl​ `taps mic` HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?? IT’S A CRIME TO NOT MENTION RAINE. the sheer thought and time put into hellhound actually inspired me to give dnd a try. i was also given the incentive to actually y’know draw my own dang muses, because before that i just.. never thought to do that??? but also, also i can say for a fact that you’ve brought so much additional life to some muses that i honestly wouldn’t have been able to do without that wonderful brain of yours ( like specifically litho and oryn ).

@conorbyrne​ hi, yes, hello i have always greatly admired your skill in writing from both afar and up close ( whenever i didn’t fall off the face of the earth oops ). also? those hc posts always blow me away, because wow the D E P T H is astounding. 

@gothamicarus​ another pause because you are the sole reason joel and so many others have grown so much – hands down. not to mention, your writing has always been so beautifully constructed. also, i actually gained some interest in dc simply because your characterization of jason makes it impossible not to be. 

@womanlives​ and HELLO YOU. i know we haven’t been mutuals for a horribly long time, but i just had to say how a) your writing and muses are striking and b) you are a mastermind when it comes to plots. like?? the ideas never stop and it’s never not interesting!

@godbanes​​ i’m going to be 2000% honest here. i seriously didn’t know a whole lot about greek mythology until i started following / interacting with you. like the amount of knowledge you have blows me away – like at least 2 planets worth. and while it’s still a lil’ intimidating, i’m extremely happy to be able to interact with you and your muses!

@gentledeaths​​ never have i ever come across a writer that has created so much inspiration and awe in me. like your portrayal of thanatos genuinely had me deep dive into hades and gather the courage to extent the few demigod muses i have with existing mythology. not to mention that your writing is simply flawless!

[chatonyant]

im just so sad about this funky crow ninja

Listen

Listen

Itachi is just

Such a tragic character and it makes me so sad

Like he's a pacifist at heart but he was forced to be the literal opposite at such a young age and I'm just so sAD ABOUT IT

(Under cut cause it’s long and it’s about the uchiha massacre if yall would rather not read bout that But it also has some soft ideas down at the way bottom if yall wanna just speed scroll to the bottom)

How he came to the choice he made regarding the Uchiha massacre totally makes sense to me. It wasn't a good decision, it wasn't a decision best suited for the situation, but it made sense. And it gets worse once you realize that he was 13. Thirteen. No wonder he couldn't find/use a third option. He's still a child, even in this world of child soldiers. He bloodied his hands and wore a mask so that the home he loved and the brother he adored could be safe.

I wish his story could've been written... better, for a lack of proper words. Maybe that is the right word. But I want to see him do more for Konoha. He became a missing nin for Konoha to spy on Akatsuki/Madara but we don't see the results of that. What information does Konoha get from him? Because we know that he's still loyal to Konoha after all this time. Did he do anything to slow Akatsuki down? Did he do things to benefit Konoha or stop something from badly impacting it? What did he do?

And then he dIES AND HE JUST DOESNT GET A BREAK AND IM HHHHH :((((((

And he was sick and going blind too!!!! I swear he was the universe's punching bag (though one of many cause the naruto universe just Be Like That)

Fuck ok I came on here to ramble about Itachi in my au but then got sad sO AU TIME NOW

For one I want to make him.... more sympathetic? A redemption works best when its shown from the start that there is more than meets the eye. Like Zuko, for example. He was a jerk, but there are moments where it's clear that he's not as much of a jerk as he could have been. And I wanted to do something similar with Itachi (and a couple other villains tbh but it's also a matter of "Should you survive" coughObitocough I love you but idk if you survive in this au or not but I have ideas nonetheless but that is for a later time)

Anyways, morally grey but more clearly Itachi

Honestly I've got more ideas for his ending than the beginning. Which is... very annoying. This is unfortunately the case for many... many of my ideas....

An idea I've been juggling with is Itachi not killing everyone. He definitely kills everyone who's activated their sharingan and anyone who is/was a shinobi. So everyone who's not a civilian. So,,, the survivors are very very little and are civilian mothers and civilian children too young to even attend the academy and like the occasional shop owners. The massacre was to stop the coup and prevent it from ever happening, so those who have the power to set forward this coup are any shinobi. And unfortunately, the Uchiha clan is an old shinobi clan.

Itachi is not a blank mask and does cry when he kills his parents and they leave their parting words. He's 13, forced to commit a crime that goes against his every wish, moral, and beliefs. Plus I believe the Uchiha are naturally every emotional- or at least feels it more intensely than others. Their whole defining ability has to do with emotions. They feel Very Strongly.

And thus by "cry" I mean he cries a lot. He almost has a breakdown right then and there when little baby Sasuke crashes in and see his crying older brother holding a bloody blade over his two very dead parents. 

For someone willing(ish) to murder a(lmost) a whole clan for the sake of his little brother, Itachi sure does directly hurt Sasuke a lot. Like genjutsu torture? Placing responsibility of avenging a whole clan on his tiny, angry shoulders? Oof, Itachi, bad ideas. 

So Itachi wants Sasuke to be safe. To be happy to the best of his ability. So instead, he uses a milder form of Tsukuyomi to place a suggestion in his baby mind that Itachi was in fact a cold hearted murderer. But the human mind is a strange thing that is difficult to understand, so for years Sasuke has nightmares of that night with his perception of Itachi varying wildly between a stone cold face and a tear-stained one. 

Itachi doesn’t do the whole “hate me and kill me for vengeance” because, again, he wants Sasuke to be safe and happy. Considering that he lives in a shinobi village and just had a highly traumatic experience, both are hard to come by, but the least Itachi can do is not have Sasuke’s whole life be overcome by hatred. Curse of Hatred is a very real thing, Itachi. I know you want Sasuke to have a goal to drive him forward and not waste away but bad idea Itachi. Maybe he says something else. Maybe he tells Sasuke to get stronger (but not in a “so you can get revenge” kind of way). I don’t know. But he doesn’t quite plant the idea of vengeance in his mind, so Sasuke’s motivation and drive ends up differently. Butterfly effects oho Also since Sasuke unlocked his sharingan during the massacre... is it possible to activate mangekyo as well? Cause he loves Itachi most, yes, but he also loved his parents, his mom especially. Would that be enough? Wiki says “death of someone close to the user”, so it’s possible, I think.

So many ideas about the massacre holy shit

Like Shisui. I’d totally love to make him live but frankly, I’ve got no idea how. :”D sorry Shisui, you’ll have to stay dead until I can find a solid reasoning as to how you survived and why

As for Madara/Tobi, well in anime he went after the Police headquarters while Itachi went after everyone else so there’s that, not much to change there

Then there’s a whole bunch of aftermath hijinks

Itachi is said to have aided Konoha within Akatsuki, but it’s not very clearly shown. Considering how we aren’t shown what exactly he passed on, that will be uh.... perhaps expanded on later. 

Sasuke and Itachi interactions before Shippuden would be different due to Sasuke’s own differences, but those differences haven’t be set yet so that will be explained later.

Ok, now the whole Itachi dying and being reincarnated shebang. Fourth War sure is wild as fuck. “Let’s mass reincarnate people!” what.

I don’t want Itachi to die. I want to let him rest. But not in death. 

So the general idea I have for the “end” of the story is:

He becomes legally blind. Not completely blind, but very close. His chakra coils are fucked and his sharingan are stuck in a way that he can kinda see chakra but very vaguely. 

His illness isn’t completely healed, but it’s much better than before; Sakura and Tsunade are legendary at what they do

He returns home to Konoha. Not sure how he will be accepted into the village but I was thinking the village makes a half-lie half-truth story pinning the blame on Danzo (Cause when in doubt, blame Danzo. Or Zetsu. But Zetsu isn’t blamable here)

He may not be imprisoned, but he isn’t free to roam. He’s monitored and has a (temporary?) seal placed on him limiting his use of chakra.

Itachi is surprisingly ok with all of this. He gets to retire from a shinobi life and he’s unraveled the story to Sasuke and was gifted a form of forgiveness. Life’s chill.

He works at the Yamanaka flower shop. It’s calming, peaceful, and it’s run by Yamanaka, powerful shinobi and also knowledgeable on psychology.

His crows are now seeing eye crows. They sit on either his shoulders or head and squawk whenever Itachi is too close to bumping into something. Sasuke very much enjoys when the crows are on Itachi’s head because when he tosses little treats at the birds, sometimes they land in Itachi’s hair.

It’s very hard for the shinobi to fear this honestly tiny man (because Itachi is small, fight me) who’s humming while watering plants with a bird on top of his head while the various heroes of Konoha take turns tossing treats at the bird like it’s a dog. 

“Nii-san. Nii-san stop squishing my cheeks.” “But Sasuke I want to see your face.” “Nii-san-”

oh my god so much brain power used on the massacre just so i could make itachi have a very domestic ending

[stevetonygames]

Spotlight Post: Canon Soulmate Bonds

Yooo, this is a blog takeover, Mizzy here, ready to champion one of my favourite fictional causes: canonical soulbonds in the Marvel universe.

We all love a good soulbond fic. Words on your body, names on your wrist, red string of fate...so many glorious versions, and all of them *completely awesome*. The problem sometimes with starting a soulbond fic, though, can be all the worldbuilding required to make it work. But what if I was to tell you that no worldbuilding was necessary? That you could technically write a soulbond fic without having to set it in an Alternate Universe? What if you could set your soulbond fic *directly in main canon?*

Marvel 616 delivers you a canonical soulbond mechanic… not once… but at least *twice*. There could be more. There’s a lot of comics to go through and I’m only smol. But here’s the two I know about and I’m here to introduce you to today. :)

The was a ripple of mild confusion around fandom when Kevin Feige announced that the Eternals were getting a title movie in the next phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Created by Jack Kirby in the 1970s, in a wild combination of mythological fascination and spite at DC comics for not letting him finish his New Gods saga, the Eternals were an offshoot of humanity, created by the Celestials for humanity’s protection; this reason for their existence would lead them into their ongoing conflict against the deadly Deviants. There have been a few Eternals runs (notably one run by Neil Gaiman, which did not serve to bring the Eternals the commercial success Marvel was searching for with the title, that nevertheless remains the most fun and accessible Eternals volume), but they’ve not yet really reached wide-reaching traction among even the most die-hard comic fans. The MCU might change that, and here’s hoping, because I love these nearly-immortal idiots, and I’m hoping not to be alone in that for much longer. :D

But even my Eternals-happy soul has to admit, Eternals canon for the most part is dense and can be convoluted, and the spellings—both of their character names and one of the main fun parts of their existence, the Mahd W’yry—are enough to give one a headache. The idea of the Eternals is that they’re long-lived and have interacted with human history over the years in various impactful ways. You might think at first glance that you’ve never heard of the Eternals Sersi, Ikaris, Makkari, but I think you wouldn’t find Circe, Icarus, or Mercury unfamiliar names.

The Mahd W’yry is a symptom of the Eternals being so long-living. In order to stop them going insane, the Eternals have to bond into something known as the Uni-Mind, which basically squishes all their consciousnesses together into one, where they can share memories and blend temporarily into one mind. Regularly bonding into the Uni-Mind allows them to stave off the Mahd W’yry. (Yep, that’s just a headache-inducing spelling of ‘mad worry’, we know.)

Anyway, did you need to know all this? Eh, maybe, a little bit of canned backstory is always handy for you to briefly glance over and promptly forget. Because along with some dense mythological adventures, some glorious angsting across beautiful landscapes, and that ability to turn into a big massive floating brain, the Eternals also gave us a beautiful gift:

The Gann Josin.

In Avengers #361, Ikaris comes down to Earth and decides that Sersi needs to be bonded to Dane Whitman, an Avenger who canonically didn’t have any powers, he was just a *really good guy*, destined for tragedy. Honestly. That’s his bio. Really good guy. Destined for tragedy. The character creation in the 90s was peak talent. Dane, sadly, was in love with another woman, but did this matter to Ikaris? No. Apparently the Eternals don’t know about the dangers of letting himbos like Ikaris have life-changing powers, like the ability to create the Uni-Mind. 

Because the power to control the Uni-Mind also gives an Eternal the power to form a Gann Josin bond. And that’s what Ikaris does in Avengers #361—he forces a Gann Josin bond on Eternal Sersi and tragic human Avenger Dane Whitman.

Gann Josin (sometimes Gan-Josin because what is spelling continuity in Marvel comics) is both the name of the bond, and the title given to an Eternal and their chosen life-mate. It has a bunch of cool side effects. Both Gann Josins get glowing full-red eyes. It’s a really intimate tiny form of the Uni-Mind (without the part where you become a big floating brain), and creates a small scale mental union. The Gann Josin bond makes the Eternal and their partner lifelong soulmates. As the bond progresses, it creates a telepathic/empathic bond that strengthens in time. According to the Eternal Sprite, humans are rarely chosen by Eternals for the Gann Josin.

Now, Dane Whitman does manage to break the Gann Josin several issues later. But… it’s not easy. It’s rare. When Dane manages it, it is called an “astounding act.” It’s pretty dang hard, in other words. There’s every chance your chosen Gann Josins won’t have the mental fortitude of Dane Whitman to break it. (Although, we’re talking about Steve and Tony, and are there any bigger stubborn idiots in the universe? Probably not.)

But Mizzy, I hear you saying. I don’t want to write about Ikaris, even if he is a party king and that sounds pretty nifty. I don’t know anything about the Eternals and I don’t want to go down that gnarly rabbit hole.

That’s totes fine, my friend. I am here to save you. Because in very recent canon, during Jason Aaron’s turn at the helm, the Eternals are all dead. Very dead. That whole Mahd W’yry thing got ‘em, it got ‘em good. But before Ikaris died, he granted his Uni-Mind power to someone we all know and love.

Yep. Tony Stark. Tony Stark currently has the power of the Uni-Mind.

Which means that Tony Stark can now Gann Josin people.

In Avengers #361, Ikaris performs the Gann Josin by basically just pointing his hands at Sersi and Dane and some light goes WHEEEEEEE!! in their direction, and bam, this rare and special bond is done. And Tony Stark can do that now. To anyone! Unfortunately Ikaris is dead and didn’t leave Tony with an instruction manual. But the point is, he *can*. You can make up all sorts of fun things with this canonical fact (or write your own version because lbr Canon Is Dead; Long Live Canon.)

There are so many possibilities. Does Tony deliberately learn how to use it so he can bond himself to Steve? Does Tony *need* to be able to hear Steve’s thoughts (to thwart some bad guys) and thus end up soulbonded forever to Steve in result? Is Tony’s power activating at random because he can’t control it, and he ends up soulbonding everyone around him? Does he just subconsciously bond himself to Steve without consciously meaning to? Do Tony or Steve want to try it for science?

Gosh, I love comics.

But WAIT. There’s MORE.

It’s not just 1990s comics going ham on the soulbond idea. No, we got some *this year*. Canonical soulbonding? TWICE? In one universe? Two different kinds??

And this time, it’s not in a D-list Marvel title. We’re up the ranks to the big leagues this time, folx, with a brief trek to the world of the Fantastic Four.

In Fantastic Four (Vol. 6) #15, we’re introduced to a Spyre citizen called Sky, a winged team member of the Unparalleled (more cosmic-powered superheroes), who work under The Overseer. (The Overseer, in a burst of beautiful retcon in the way Marvel comics keeps doing to us, is apparently the entity who is responsible for giving the F4 their powers. Huh. The more you know.)

On the planet Spyre, all children are brought before something called The Great Eye. This measures them against the radiation signature of everyone on the planet, divining who their perfect match is. 

Sky looked into The Great Eye, only to find out her match was Johnny Storm, who was 44 light-years away at the time. Long-distance relationships can be tough. Anyway, plot happens, the F4 get stuck on Spyre, get told they can’t leave, and Sky tells Johnny Storm that she is his soulmate. Oh, and she attached a soul binding onto him while he slept. Neat, huh, all the bodily autonomy people get in this universe before being force soulbond to people? So neat, much consent, wow.

Johnny feels a connection to Sky, which is supposed to let us know this lack of choice is a good thing I guess. The Overseer wants Sky to renounce Johnny and crush the F4 which obv doesn’t happen, so of course she leaves The Unparalleled and skips off to Earth to be with Johnny. 

Who knows how this relationship is gonna last. I mean, you can look at the rest of Johnny’s relationship history and have a good guess. Who knows. Anyway, Reed and Sue are each other's soulmate, and also share a “Soul Binding”, so there’s some canonical proof right there that maybe this system has some validity going for it.

The soulbond for this form takes the form of a golden bracelet worn on the upper arm, that Sky explains her people call a “Soul Binding”; it represents them as being soul-mates. This bracelet can only be removed by your soulmate. This soulbond doesn’t seem to come with any extra powers, it’s just to show that The Great Eye has measured their radiation signature and declared them a match that is supposed to mean they’re perfectly compatible in every way: spiritually, mentally, and physically.

I don’t know about you, but I have a pretty good feeling that Steve and Tony might just have matching radiation signatures… Or what if Steve and Tony have perfect matching signatures….with other people? (Someone else on Spyre believes Sky is *their* perfect match, after all!) What if Steve has feelings for Iron Man, but he’s a perfect match with Tony Stark? I feel faint already just thinking about it.

So here you go. Two canonical types of soulbonds for your fannish consideration. Feel free to ask me questions! You can find me on tumblr (@mizzy2k) or on discord (addy#0908).

[agent-cupcake]

Dimitri and mental illness

**Warnings for Blue Lions spoilers and armchair psychology

Depending on who you ask, Dimitri is an innocent sweetheart whose actions are entirely excusable and justified or an unforgivable war criminal and overall terrible character. Arguments for both sides have been exhausted, usually in the form of the popular Edelgard versus Dimitri debate, but I feel that both statements are heavily flawed and, truthfully, I think I take more issue with the former. Does it strike anyone else as rather patronizing that the audience (and the game, to an extent) treats Dimitri like an innocent, broken uwu soft boy both before the time skip and once he begins his recovery arc? Of course, a lot of this can be blamed on the awful pacing and poor writing of said recovery (which is the most valid structural critique of his character imo), but there’s a lot to be said about the fan depiction of Dimitri and the way people treat his mental illness. I think the reason this gets me is because I see it as an extension of the problems I have with the romanticization of male-specific mental illness. In this case, “all depressed boys are emasculated, soft, sad bois” and “anger is an accessory that is vanished once the cute boy takes it off” with the related sentiment of “the only two real mental illnesses are depression and anxiety, with a splash of PTSD for argument's sake”. And, speaking of arguments, while many people bring up mental illness in regards to the discussion around Three Houses characters, it is often supplementary to support their points rather than the main point unto itself. Dimitri’s mental illness (aka, the thing his entire arc is predicated upon) is mostly given only a passing recognition in the discussion of his actions. Even then, it’s often used as a justification to defend or lambaste him.

TL;DR Dimitri is a flawed person with a debilitating and incredibly well written mental illness that, while not excusing his actions, allows for further exploration of his character and a well-deserved shot at a recovery arc that is not usually awarded to people with the “non-traditional” mental illnesses. Furthermore, the game offers a wealth of insight as to what they intended his mental illness to be, the symptoms that manifested, and a plausible background to match up with it all and I have the receipts to prove it. Let’s go~

“Me? Oh. Um. Please forgive me... It's difficult to open up on the spot, don't you think? I'm afraid my story has not been a pleasant one... I do hope that doesn't color your view of me, but I understand if that can't be helped.”

I know that mental illness can be singularly caused by a traumatic event or events. That is, generally, how I see people framing Dimitri’s mental illness. My argument, however, is that the Tragedy of Duscur was not the genesis, but the trigger for issues that would exist otherwise. Perhaps it’s due to my own personal experience with mental illness, but I’m almost always more inclined to believe that issues stem from an unlucky combination of many things. 

Regardless, my evidence to entertain the idea that he would be naturally predisposed to mental illness is slim. Aside from arguing that it wouldn’t be out of the question for his mother to have been unwell while she was pregnant with him considering she would later die of plague (a cause that in and of itself is subject to skepticism), I would bring up his Crest. In-game there is clear proof that Crests have wide-reaching effects on the person, there are actually a few analysis posts that hypothesize that Crests could be the reason for certain character motivations. In ng+, the Crest of Blaiddyd is called the Grim Dragon Sign. There’s no definitive proof to point to here, but if his Crest was one of the reasons for his mental deterioration it would follow other rules set in-game. Rather than inherited human genetics creating the blueprint for mental issues and the writers having to face that issue on its own terms, it was the Crest’s influence. This goes along with the fact that the game never overtly references Dimitri’s illness, essentially using “the dead” as a blanket symptom of his problems. Both these things are cool ways to imply a possible way to read more deeply without having to use anachronistic medical terms.

Side note: There’s something uncomfortable about the idea of a Crest that gives the individual inhuman strength and mental issues. Grim Dragon indeed.

My next point is one that I don’t see being brought up too often in regards to how it might have affected Dimitri, likely because the events that came later in his life far overshadow it, but Dimitri lost his mom when he was young. The date is not given, but I think it’d be when he was about six-ish. Admittedly, the timeline is strange and non-specific around here but if that were true, it would mean that the plague, Dimitri’s mother’s death, and Lambert and Rodrigue’s war campaign to subjugate the southern half of Sreng would all have happened around the same time. Dimitri says he doesn’t remember it, but that doesn’t necessarily matter. At six years old he had lost one parent and the other one left him to go on a battle march, leaving this child without any sort of parent figure to console him in a country that is culturally opposed to expressing emotion. Lambert will probably always remain a mystery, but I think it could be fair to say he was a poor father. Or at the very least a distant one. Dimitri was undoubtedly a sensitive child (if we’re to judge by the sensitive person he grew up to be) and during the years where he was actually becoming old enough to remember, he had nobody to teach him how to properly navigate and manage his emotions. Emotional neglect in a child who is predisposed to being emotional and empathetic can leave them suffering from a sense of isolation, an inability to ask for help, and a predisposition to having break downs as they get older.

But three-ish years later, possibly one of the best things that ever would happen to Dimitri came to pass and Lambert married Patricia. Dimitri adored her. 

“I share no blood with my stepmother, but to hear you say that... It pleases me greatly. She was the one who raised me. I suppose it makes sense that we would share certain mannerisms.” (Dimitri’s B support with Hapi)

I don’t think Dimitri’s feelings about Patricia can be overstated, as I feel it’s one of the most defining aspects of his reactions to things that happen later on. Dimitri talks about Patricia more lovingly than he talks about Lambert. She was in his life for around four to five years but had such an impact on him that even his mannerisms are similar. 

Soon after, a ten-year-old Dimitri made his first friend that wasn’t knightly, who didn’t embody those Faerghus ideals of stifling emotions and swinging swords.

People point out the Faerghus crew as Dimitri’s best friends, and yet Edelgard is the one associated with his best memories. It’s just my own assumptions, but I think that it’s because both Edelgard and Patricia gave Dimitri space to be an emotional child, to not have to be the knightly prince who had no emotions and engaged only in the most masculine of activities. And, I mean, look at them. He’s learning to dance and she’s bossing him around, absolutely no regard for propriety.  

It’s pretty clear that Dimitri doesn’t feel romantic feelings towards Edelgard in the academy phase, but I think it would be fair to say she was his first love when they were young. He essentially says this was the best year of his life and establishes Edelgard as someone very precious to him (as well as the daughter of one of the most precious people to him). Strong feelings beget strong feelings, do they not? 

Google says that eleven to fourteen is the general age of male puberty. It’s the time that kids begin to more fully define how they’re going to emotionally interact with people and the world at large. Meeting Edelgard was at the cusp of this period of Dimitri’s life, and the Tragedy of Duscur was right in the midst of it. 

And we all know what that turned out.

Dimitri’s accounts of what happened during the Tragedy are... conflicting. This CG of an unharmed Dimitri in a field of corpses is... conflicting.

“My father...was the strongest man I knew. Someone I loved and admired deeply. That said, he was killed before my eyes. His head severed clean off. My stepmother, the kindest person I had ever known, left me behind and disappeared into the infernal flames.”

I’ve seen people create a plausible scenario in which Dimitri’s recollection is entirely accurate, where he saw Lambert call for revenge and get beheaded, saw Glenn’s ruined body and face twisted in pain, saw his step-mother disappear into the flames, and all despite the raging chaos of the battle and how people would undoubtedly be targeting the prince, but I think it makes more sense that his memories are unreliable. Dimitri suffered a severe head injury (very important to keep in mind) at Duscur. Maybe that happened early on, after seeing who attacked Lambert but before he was an actual target himself, which merely made him look dead. Maybe he saw a version of the events he described, but through the filter of confused head trauma, smoke inhalation, and intense terror. To think that his recollection isn’t exactly entirely reliable sets a precedent for his later skewed take on reality. 

Regardless of opinion, though, the facts are that Dimitri left Duscur with a traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder. 

After that, from thirteen to seventeen, Dimitri was pretty isolated. Most of the people he cared about were dead. His entire emotional support system (Patricia) was gone. He saved Dedue (although they were definitely not on even terms, that relationship is unbalanced to the extreme) and occasionally saw Rodrigue (who I have no reason to believe was emotionally accommodating in any way considering the way he sees Dimitri as an extension of Lambert to his dying breath). Again, it’s strange. People act like Dimitri was super close friends with the Faerghus crew, that he was surrounded by people who loved him (although it is clear there is a lot of love there), but he never presents things in a way to imply that’s the case. In fact, he highlights his isolation:

“In Duscur, I lost my father, stepmother, and closest friends. I didn't have many allies at the castle after that. In truth, I had only Dedue for companionship.”... “I once had people I could confide in. Family, friends, instructors, even the royal soldiers. But they were all taken away from me four years ago.” (Dimitri’s C support with Byleth.)

Two years passed before the next time Dimitri saw his friends and it was a war campaign, putting down the rebellion in western Faerghus. Dimitri speaks about those battles from a place of deeply affected emotion, expressing empathy, pain, and disgust with his actions and the killing.

“I recall coming across a dead soldier's body. He was clutching a locket. Inside was a lock of golden hair. I don't know to whom it belonged. His wife, his daughter...mother, lover... I'll never know.... in that moment, I realized he was also a real person, just like the rest of us… Killing is part of the job, but even so... There are times when I'm chilled to the bone by the depravity of my own actions.” (Dimitri’s B Support with Byleth)

I love this support, honestly. It’s so very telling about the destructive quality of empathy. Although caring can be a good thing, it’s also arguably one of the most destructive of Dimitri’s qualities. His empathy is what presents him with situations he cannot accept, the thing that pushes him to disassociate from reality so he can be rid of it and fight without remorse like he was taught to do by his father and other soldiers. Dimitri is a man of extremes. Either total control or none, without any room for error. This dialogue is also the first time Dimitri brings up reconciling himself with reality and hints to the fact that he has been unable to do so. This is contrasted perfectly in this line from Felix,

“The way you suppressed that rebellion... It was ruthless slaughter and you loved every second. I remember the way you killed your victims. How you watched them suffer. And your face...that expression. All the world's evil packed into it...” (Dimitri’s C Support with Felix)

Dimitri doesn’t deny this. Just like all of the other terrible things Felix says, he takes it without protesting in an act of what I think is stilted contrition. Although, it’s not just in supports that Dimitri’s contrasting behavior is brought up. The Remire incident probably works as a good reference for what Felix saw all those years back.

This is the first time we see Dimitri’s darker side in full. The similarities in the situation to what is shown to have happened in the Tragedy of Duscur are interesting. The fire, the utter chaos, strange figures watching it all from above. This is another case of a perfect disaster. I wonder if his ultimate snap would have been so destructive if not for Remire.

Anyway, this draws parallels to his and Felix’s separate recall of the rebellion because later Dimitri apologizes.

“Professor... I...I'm sorry you saw that side of me in the village… When I saw the chaos and violence there...my mind just went completely dark.”

Dimitri is unreliable. A lack of control, a separation of self, and becoming consumed by a dark rage only to come to his senses later, full of shame and a sense of confusion about why. From my own experience, it’s not unnatural to come out of an episode like this without being able to explain what was happening and being baffled by your behavior. This firmly establishes Dimitri’s uncomfortably fast mood shifts in relation to his trauma from the Tragedy and confirms all of the warnings Felix had given. When Dimitri was faced with a reality he could not accept, he lost control of his emotions and his mental state shifted to adapt accordingly.

This is when I’d also like to note something interesting about how Dimitri discusses his trauma. He is very honest and open about his experiences, explaining exactly what happened to him to Byleth. However, he uses the truth to hide. In recounting the events of the Tragedy of Duscur, in talking about how his family died and saying how badly it hurt him, he does not make himself vulnerable. When he admits weakness, he does so in the past tense or apologetically, vowing to be stronger. “Stronger”, aka, he’ll be better in suppressing his emotions. 

“I always strive to keep my emotions at bay, but... Sometimes the darkness takes hold and...it's impossible to suppress. It just shows you how lacking I am... I have much to learn.”

Dimitri lies by using the truth, shoving down his feelings, and blaming himself rather than attempting to figure out how to handle his emotions. In his own words:

“Everyone has something that is unacceptable within them. I certainly do, and I'd wager you do as well. I wonder which is best, Professor... To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway...”

Good advice Dimitri. Might want to keep that in mind.

It is at this point is when I’m going to get into my personal thoughts and armchair psychiatry nonsense.

First off, when I mentioned earlier about “non-traditional” mental illness, I did not mean abnormal or rare. Although people mostly just point to Dimitri having PTSD (and depression) as the source of his issues, I’m going to use all of my above information to make the (decently common) argument that Dimitri is schizophrenic, which is, contrary to popular belief, not too unusual. I state that with the caveat that I understand that there’s a lot to be said about schizophrenia and the tumultuous relationship between mental health and fiction. However, now is not really the time to go into mental health politics and representation or the many lies spread about the illness so instead, I recommend that you read into the topic if you’re personally interested (This has some good information). 

At the very least be aware that this IS sensationalized.

That said, Dimitri does not, to my understanding using grossly simplified terms, meet the qualifications generally (very generally) used to diagnose schizophrenia through the majority of the White Clouds chapters. These qualifying symptoms include, but are not limited to, the duration of the psychotic episode, the concurrent presence of hallucinations and delusions, and a greatly lowered ability to keep up with basic quality-of-life tasks. You only see these symptoms in the final chapter of White Clouds and the first few of Azure Moon. This isn’t unusual, however, because schizophrenia manifesting fully in younger individuals is extremely uncommon, sometimes taking years to trigger during a person’s late teens. And since the diagnosis generally relies on the occurrence of a psychotic episode, it can be mistaken as other mood disorders. Actually, the idea of him having a mood disorder was one of the things that caught my eye originally. Prodromal symptoms such as depression, irritability, headaches, sleep disruption, and mood swings are common in bipolar disorder (and, of course, schizophrenia). 

Still, I don't deny that Dimitri has PTSD and depression, only that I don’t think PTSD is his main (or only) issue. In reality, PTSD and schizophrenia are closely tied. They share many symptoms, even the symptom of psychosis. There’s also evidence that those with genetic precedent to develop PTSD overlap with those at risk for schizophrenia, and that the nature of PTSD triggers can act as a severe stressor to aggravate a schizophrenic episode. 

(From here)

This falls into the realm of being uncertain where one ends the other begins, highlighting the lack of concrete understanding about schizophrenia and the dependency of diagnosis and treatment to rely entirely on the individual experience, but that’s not a conversation I’m actually qualified to have. 

The study that truly caught my eye and while researching for this was one called “Psychiatric disorders and traumatic brain injury”. As I mentioned, at some point during the Tragedy, Dimitri sustained severe head trauma. We know this because of his development of the rare inability to taste called ageusia. I was originally interested in following this narrative thread because, as you might know if you follow true crime cases, there are many murderers who recall having sustained a head injury as children. Not that Dimitri shares similar psychology to people that kill and eat their victim's feet... Although his body count is higher. Besides that, head trauma, in general, is known to be linked to mental illness and altering a person’s behavior. There is even a correlation between TBI (traumatic brain injury) and schizophrenia. 

From the study I linked above:

To put it more simply, patients in the study who had suffered TBI and developed schizophrenia reported that their most common symptoms were delusions of persecution, auditory hallucinations, and aggressive behaviors. The auditory hallucinations were often voices. Many of the subjects experienced psychotic episodes two or more years after the initial incident (although, as I mentioned, Dimitri’s age could also have something to do with the timing as children rarely have fully developed schizophrenic episodes). Furthermore, the behaviors classified as an absence of normal behaviors called “negative symptoms” (which include apathy and disordered speech) were rare in this testing group. 

Dimitri exclusively displays “positive” symptoms of schizophrenia (“positive” meaning the presence of symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions). He also clearly suffers from delusions of persecution in his belief that Edelgard is the sole instigator of Duscur and the war and that he immediately accuses Byleth of being an Imperial spy upon meeting them post time skip. I think it’s pretty fascinating how closely Dimitri’s symptoms follow the outline of the study, especially with the aggressive behaviors, as those aren’t actually very common in schizophrenics. 

In very, very simplistic terms, if I’m right and Dimitri was born with the genetic blueprint for schizophrenia/PTSD (through Crests, inheritance, or environmental causes) and later suffered severe head trauma in an event that also gave him PTSD in combination with his pre-existing parental issues and stilted emotional development, then this could definitely create the type of person who loses all sense of reality, can’t control his emotions, and is prone to episodes of murderous rage when being reminded of the trigger (however tangentially) of losing everything he loved.

However, I’ll add real quick that the study I mentioned should be taken with a grain of salt. 

I use it mainly because I thought the similarities were interesting and it shows that there was more thought put into Dimitri than maybe people appreciate.

This brings us to my final point; Some kind of twisted joke.

A major point I saw being made as proof of how terrible Dimitri is as a character was that he blamed Edelgard for the Tragedy of Duscur (a time where she would have been twelve). More accurately, he blamed her for everything that had happened and the thing is, I don’t disagree with that critique entirely. However, this is a case of him being a bad person, not a bad character. This might seem like an odd distinction, but I think it changes the scope of deserved criticism.  

As I’ve been trying so desperately to illustrate, Dimitri snapping wasn’t just because of Edelgard being revealed as the Flame Emperor. Rather, it was an unlucky combination of many things. His grasp and interpretation of reality were already hazy at best by the time she was unmasked, slowly falling apart as his prodromal symptoms worsened. Going into the fight, he believed the Flame Emperor to be responsible in whole or in part for the worst thing that had ever happened to him, guessed at Arundel’s involvement, had found (and lied about) the dagger, and was rapidly mentally deteriorating. While Dimitri suspected Edelgard’s involvement to some degree, he did his best to act like it wasn’t true.  

Dimitri didn’t want it to be true. To the extent that he was willing to lie to Byleth (and to himself) to avoid reality. He cared deeply about Edelgard. The best year of his life was spent with her, she was his first love, and she was the daughter of the step-mother he adored. Strong feelings beget strong feelings, do they not? This reveal confronted Dimitri with something that he could not accept, so his mind sidestepped the issue altogether. Delusion convinced him that all of the fears and worries he had beforehand were related, all into one larger delusion that Edelgard had sole responsibility. It’s not right and maybe not even excusable, but it falls in line with everything else.

Edelgard and Dimitri. Bound by some twisted fate but forever doomed to be separated, unable to understand the other’s chosen path. 

I do recognize the flaws of Dimitri’s character and arc. There are some pretty major flaws. I have parts of a post typed out about his shoddy recovery and how I’d fix it that, hopefully, one day will see the light of day as well as many complaints about the way the story is hindered by the need for flexibility to accommodate gameplay and a happy ending.

But, despite that, this has all been a very long-winded way of praising Dimitri’s writing. His mental illness has a surprising amount of depth and I loved studying it as intently as I did. I learned a lot about his character as well as about mental illness in general.

Ultimately, Dimitri is neither an innocent sweetheart whose actions are entirely excusable and justified or an unforgivable war criminal and overall terrible character. You can feel bad for his pain and his struggle with his illness and understand that as a reason for his actions, but you shouldn’t use it as justification. He had the opportunity to seek help before things got too bad. He was selfish with the mismanagement of his emotions and goals. However, he also was a victim. Dimitri worked to recover and mend the mistakes he made while he was unwell, which is a side of this mental illness that is rarely shown in media.  

I wholeheartedly believe that, love him or hate him, Dimitri is the most well-written of the Three Houses characters,