#and what do we do when we dont feel good? correct we talk to our beloved dark skinned flute enthusiast wittiest gopala

[dumdaradumdaradum]

yes ik this blog has turned into something but these days im only ever here when i feel my heart rate spike sooo

[mercurycft]

𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐑 — 𝐀𝐖𝐅𝐂

## reader x awfc !!

hi all!! finally releasing this, which is in honour of jonas finally pissing off away from our girls and our team! i hope you enjoy! love always, RGx

warnings: angsty team x management arguments, mentions of mental health!

3.6k words.

“i’m sure the team will be buzzing with joy this evening after tonight’s win, but how are the girls and yourself taking the recent and surprising departure of a lifelong gunner?”

“yeah, as you said we’re all pleased with the result tonight - it was a great match with a good side and i think the score reflects the determination we took onto the pitch with us.” you watch as beth pauses, like she is searching for words that will do her feelings justice. “she was the best of us, not just the team but the best of us and our friends. i think she was and is destined for great things, but life and people unfortunately happened to get in the way. but i’m happy, we’re all, happy for her.”

you've known beth long enough to know when she is lying and it pains you to realise how the tone of her voice drops at the mention of you. it stings momentarily, but you shake it off and allow pride to take over you as the camera pans to the rest of the team taking their victory lap.

you find yourself smiling absentmindedly at your phone, having sat through the entire match with your eyes glued to your phone - watching your girls on the pitch from your home, instead of beside them for the first time in years. your stomach filled with a cocktail of emotions that you can’t seem to process at this very moment. a toxic mixture of sadness and despair, twisted and twined with anger and hatred for what the situation had become.

its been two weeks since your statement went out, three since you made the decision and four since the argument. in an ideal world, it wouldn’t have gone this way - you would’ve stomached your feelings for longer and swallowed your bubbling anger, bit your tongue and carried on as usual. but for some reason, you just couldn’t.

------

1 month ago.

a 3-0 win should be celebrated. it should fill you with joy and overwhelming excitement - but it doesn't. instead, it fills you with nothing but anger and resentment for the club you once loved, you used to love. in place of congratulations and pats on the back, is a lecture. a plethora of critiques and corrections despite the effort and conviction everyone had shown.

you and the rest of the girls stand huddled in a group in the locker room, stood in an agonising silence. your hair is still wet, from the sickly british rain that decided to visit, your face still tinted red and your chest still heaving.

you tune out to jonas' voice, watching absentmindedly as he paces ahead of the group - volume above his usual decibel as he tears into the group, pushing further and further. you don't listen, allowing your mind to wander. no one dares talk back, instead choosing to take his words. you, however, fail to be as nonchalant as them - swallowing the bubble of anger in your throat and biting your tongue to the best of your ability.

your mind is brought back into the tiled room at the snap of your name from the front of the group. you look up to be met with jonas' eyes on you - his eyebrows raised and seemingly awaiting an answer. "what?" you mumble through gritted teeth, eyes locked on his.

"do you care to fill the rest of us in on what is so important besides my feedback right now?"

you shake your head, matched with a sarcastic looking, sickly-sweet smile and lift your hand top gesture towards him. "oh please, carry on."

"i dont appreciate your attitude," he quips back, screwing his facial features together, feining disgust.

"whatever," you scoff, rolling your eyes and peeling yourself away from the bodies beside you - now overly aware of their eyes on you.

"i'm out." pause. "i'm going to leave, and have a glass of wine and celebrate a fucking win." you turn away from them, too busy to take off your kit and instead scrunching your clothes and belongings into your kit bag. "which by the way, is what we should all be doing! instead of standing here taking shit because he didn't like how we were moving on the pitch!"

there was a shift from him, and a deep red tint crept up his neck as he shot daggers at you from across the tiles. “i do everything for this team! maybe once in a while, it would be nice for you to do the same if you think you know better! please, do tell us, what makes you think you have done anything of significance for this team? for arsenal!”

it changed, then. the small shred of sympathy you had, the small shred of guilt - gone. ripped from inside you and splattered across the walls of your home stadium locker room. the girls around you seemed shocked at his words, confused and unsure of what to expect next.

you paused. taking a deep breath and halting your shoving of clothes and shoes into your bag, and turning to face him directly through the sea of red and white kits in front of you.

“what do i do, for this team?” the question sounded almost broken, like you couldn’t actually believe he was playing this card. you searched for the answer deep within yourself for a few seconds, allowing the hurt to build in your throat and fuel the fire burning deep behind your eyes and in the pit of your stomach. your eyes flicked over each of the faces now looking at you and a small smile teased at the corners of your lips as you looked at their concerned expressions.

after a few more moments of silence, you inhaled deeply and began. “i’ve given my life, to this club. to this team. i put in the work, i trained day and night in the academy, until i was enough for the senior team. and when i made it here, i made a difference. i stepped up when kim was out, when leah was out. when laura first moved here, i took her in.” you paused, taking another shaky breath, cautious of the tears held back by nothing more than your water line. “i don’t expect you to give a shit. but whilst you were too busy tearing this team down. katie for her aggression, kim for her captaining style, leah for her rehabilitation, viv for her performance, beth for her drive, lia for training hours and every other fucking player in this building. i was building them back up, i was trying to make this right.”

silence fell over the room, and you shook your head. “im done.” you all but whispered, slinging your bag over your shoulder and moving towards the large doors leading away from the locker room. “i can’t do this anymore, this club is my home - and i will not watch you tear it down.” you shoved the door, a single teare slipping down your cheek the second you heard the door swing back on its latch and close again. you didn't stop to say goodbye to the familiar faces in the building, instead, with your head down and focused on the floor beneath you - you walked straight into the carpark, got into your car and drove home.

as you drove away, the weight of your decision settled in your chest. you couldn't believe it had come to this, that you had walked away from the team you had poured your heart and soul into. all the emotions you had been burying for weeks and weeks on end were now uncontrollable, tears streaming as you contemplated your actions but you knew you couldn't bear to stay in an environment where your efforts were belittled and unappreciated.

after a 40 minute drive, you found solace and refuge in the familiar walls of your apartment. the silence enveloped you as you sank onto the sofa, reaching for your phone. you hestitated in pulling it out of your bag, unsure of what may be waiting for you when you unlock it.

but still, you did, heaving a deep breath when your screen lit up with a message from beth. her words expressing concern and confusion about what had transpired in the locker room. as you read beth's message, a mix of emotions washed over you - relief that someone cared enough to reach out, but also a pang of guilt for leaving without saying a proper goodbye. to her, to any of the girls in the room. you quickly typed out a response, skipping over the details of your motives - instead opting for a light hearted message, apologising for your abrupt exit and apologising for not controlling your temper.

minutes turned into hours as you sat there, staring at your phone, the weight of your actions heavy on your shoulders. you hadn’t moved, still sat in your jacket and kit, boots still tied to your feet. the sound of a familiar notification pinged through the room - like it had been doing on repeat since that first message from beth, and you saw more messages popping up from your now ex-teammates.

------

1 week later - 3 weeks ago.

the days blurred into a week as you settled into a routine without the training sessions, team meetings, and the constant thoughts of upcoming matches that used to consume your time. you found freedom in the quiet moments alone, the weight of expectation now lifted off your shoulders, a sense of liberation starting to bloom within you. you finally felt like a person, not just a player.

you had been speaking to the girls everyday, each of them keeping you up to date on life behind the scenes of the club. the drama and tension seemed to have escalated in your absence, with rumors swirling about disputes between jonas and some of the other players. your decision to leave had sent shockwaves through the team, but it also seemed to have sparked a newfound sense of unity among everyone.

it was a miserable london evening when you got your first unexpected visit, darkness just creeping across the clouds when a knock at the door interrupted your law and order binge.

to your surprise, standing on your doorstep was leah, with a hesitant smile on her face.

a flood of questions and uncertainties raced through your mind as you stood frozen in the doorway, unsure of what to say or how to react to her unexpected visit.

"hey," leah began, her voice soft yet laced with underlying tension. "uh, can I come in?"

you hesitated for a moment, the inner turmoil evident on your face as you considered whether to welcome her inside. finally, you stepped back, wordlessly opening the door wider to allow her entry. leah entered cautiously, taking in the familiar surroundings of your apartment with a mix of nostalgia and apprehension.

there was a palpable tension in the air as you both stood in the living room, the silence stretching between you like a taut wire. you shared the quiet for a second or two before leah spoke up, her words carefully measured. "i know things have been rough lately... for all of us, you especially, i wanted to come here and talk, clear the air maybe?”

you studied her face, searching for any hint of insincerity, but all you found was genuine concern etched in the furrow of her brow. with a sigh, you nodded, gesturing towards the couch for her to sit. as she settled on the edge of the cushion, you perched on the arm beside her, like you used to.

"i just... i wanted to say that i'm sorry. sorry for not speaking up before, for not standing by you when things blew up. i let my own fears and doubts cloud my judgment, and i should have been there for you, we all should have been there for you."

her words hung heavy in the air, mingling with the unspoken tension that had plagued your relationship for months. you could sense the sincerity in her voice, the raw vulnerability that she rarely showed to anyone.

“i appreciate it, but it wasn’t your fight, le.”

“your fights are our fights, you’re one of us, you always have been. you always will be”

you gave her a half smile in response, and moved closer to her on the sofa - opening your arms to her. she mirrored your smile, allowing your arms to wrap around her and hers around you.

after a few moments, you pulled away, looking at her directly. “thank you, for coming round. and for looking after me for all these years. but i think,” you paused, sniffling and turning your attention to the fabric of the sofa below you. “i think its time,”

she nodded along with you, taking a deep breath before smiling at you. “if that’s what you want to do, then do it, and we will support you. i promise.”

“i don’t know how to tell the girls, i haven’t seen any of them since i left. i don’t want them to find out through social media,” you rambled.

“we’re all meeting at mine tomorrow, why dont you come along? i know they want to see you, and i think you deserve a night to relax with us - gunner style.” you share a laugh at her comment, agreeing to see the girls. a small shred of anxiety tore through the depths of your stomach, but you shook it off; determined to do the right thing.

the next day seemed to fly by, seeming to disappear from you as you spent the hours doing odd jobs - attempting to distract yourself from the uneasiness gnawing at your insides.

now, you find yourself outside leah’s flat. she said 7, but you underestimated the traffic at this time in this part of the city - so you’re late, as per usual, and composing of yourself on the door step. after a deep breath, you raise your hand to knock.

once, twice, then the door flies open. a smiley young aussie waiting to greet you, her arms immediately around you and pulling you tight to her frame. “jesus, i missed you,” she whispers into your shoulder. “i missed you too, k.” you pull apart and she grabs your hand, pulling you from the now closed door and into the living area. it’s littered with everyone you know and love.

they greet you like nothing has changed, arms wrapped around you and whispers, comments and remarks of support. you slip into the group like you never left.

after you’ve eaten, and have returned to the living area, you stand up - allowing everyone’s eyes to fall on you. you take a deep breath, smiling at them then looking down at your thumbs. you twiddle them and enterlock your hands as you search for the best way to say it.

“i wanted you to hear it from me, that next week, a statement will be released. a statement explaining my temporary contract termination from arsenal. i love you all, like my family. i don’t want any of you to feel like any of this is your fault, but i just feel like i’m at a different point in my life right now - a point where my views, and the clubs managment’s views no longer align. i can’t jeopardise my mental health, for people who can’t seem to put me, or my friends, first.”

you say it in one, your mouth and words moving faster than your brain can comprehend. you finish with a shallow breath, looking up to the group. they take it well, a few of them shedding tears at the offical loss of their friend and teammate, others hugging you and sharing comforting smiles. you know it needs to happen, but this is the part that kills you. leaving behind your family, your people.

the night draws to an end and you begin saying your goodbyes, promising to keep in touch and arranging plans to meet up soon. as you start making your way out of the room and towards the door, kim pulls you aside. you can’t read her expression, a sickening mixture of sadness and happiness for you.

“i’ll miss you,” she says softly, reaching out to squeeze your hand. “but I know you’re doing what’s best for you. just don’t be a stranger, okay?”

you nod, feeling a lump form in your throat as you hug her tightly one last time before heading out the door.

------

1 week later - 2 weeks ago.

3pm. your phone dings with a notification from the arsenal woman’s football club instagram and app, giving you and thousands of others the news of a new and important post. you hover your finger over the notification, hestitating.

you open it eventually, propping your phone up as the video loads onto the screen. you cringe at the sight of you, expectant of whats to come.

“hi gooners, it’s so nice to sit down and speak to you. this year marks my 15th year at arsenal, if we’re taking it all the way back to my first academy scouting when i was 8. i have nothing my fondness and admiration for this club, these people and this community. to be apart of this team and to watch the growth of woman’s football has been an honour and a pleasure i will forever be grateful for. when i think back on my years here, i have nothing but happy memories. memories of friends, of wins and of losses, of meeting fans and selling out stadiums. some of these things we never believed would be possible, but you, every last one of you, have made it possible. after 15 years of my life dedicated to the game, i think it’s time to take a break. temporarily and indefinitely, i will be taking a step back from the club. thank you all for your unwaivering support, it means the world to me. this is a special club, which remains my home. but my health and wellbeing needs to be my number one priority. thank you.”

you watch as the video comes to an end, and the messages, comments and likes begin. you switch off your phone after a few minutes, tucking it under a cushion on your sofa and resuming your show - tuning out the constant buzzing.

------

present day.

you watch until the live recording of the match ends, you watch all of the post-match interviews, with nothing other than a smile on your face. when the stream finally does end, you feel like you can breathe again, switching to your messages app and drafting a text into the groupchat to congratulate the girls on their win. you press send, then abandon your phone beside you somewhere on the sofa. paying it no mind and you lean back into the comfort of the cushions and pillows surrounding you.

as you sink deeper into the softness, you let out a content sigh, feeling a sense of peace wash over you. you close your eyes and let the sounds of the television fade into the background, relishing in the quiet of your own thoughts.

you dozed off, allowing the safety of sleep to engulf you for a few hours. you lay peacefully until the doorbell rings, jolting you awake. you groan in annoyance, wondering who could possibly be bothering you at this hour. you reach for your phone as you stand, 9pm. reluctantly, you shuffle away from the sofa and make your way to the door, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

as you swing open the door, you are met with a pair of familiar faces that brings an instant smile to your lips. beth and viv, stand on your doorstep with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"surprise!" beth exclaims, holding up a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers. "we come bearing gifts. can we come in?"

you step aside, allowing them to enter, still slightly taken aback by their unexpected visit. they both breeze past the threshold, only stopping for a moment to give you a hug before making themselves at home on your sofa.

“i didn’t know you were back in london, viv!” you exclaim, watching her set the flowers on the counter. “and shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” you ask beth with a laugh, shutting the door and joining them on the sofa.

“there’s no where we would rather be, mijn liefje.”

its the later end of midnight when you all start to tire, spread across the sofa and floor with eyes barely open and focusing on the movie playing.

“do you guys want to just stay here tonight? i don’t wan’t you driving home tired.” you say through a yawn, stretching your back out and turning to look at the both of them cuddled up beside you. both of their eyes closed and chests rising peacefully. you smile to yourself, moving to grab a blanket from the basket beside you and cover them both up. you switch off the tv, turn off the big light and make your way to your bedroom.

it isn’t long before you’re asleep too.

------

the next morning you wake to a persistant buzzing sound, your phone rattling on your bedside table. notifications from twitter and instagram flood your lockscreen, along with messages from the arsenal groupchat and from distant friends.

your eyes are just barely open when you reach for it, giving your eyes a moment to adjust before looking at the screen. you swing yourself off the bed, feet finding the cold of the floor as you pad through the flat until you find beth and viv.

they’re awake, both sharing the same expression as they look at you in the doorway between the two rooms.

you begin to read from your phone. “we can confirm that jonas eidevall has resigned from his position as head coach of our women’s first team and leaves us with immediate effect.”

[reidmania]

hello!! ok so, i was wondering if i could request a fic that is based around autumn/ october/ halloween because spencer loves spooky season and i fuck with that, anyway, so could you tie that detail into smth kinda like your “everywhere everything” fic fluff wise because i went feral for that one lmao. feel free to ignore if youre not up to it, but i’d love to read what youve got if you do write this. 💙

EVERYWHERE EVERYTHING | spencer reid

part one, part two

summary; spending the week before halloween & going to the pumpkin patch with Spencer in your home town.

warnings; pure love sick fluff, talks about home towns, established relationships, fem reader, halloween, mentions of driving, rushed ending sorry!!

an; i decided to make this request a part two to the everywhere everything fic bc the next verse just fits so well i think?? but it can be read without reading the first part. and that whole song feels like love in autumn!!

im also australian and we dont celebrate halloween like americans do, ive never been to a pumpkin patch so please bare w me during this.

'Drive slowly, I know every route in this county, maybe that ain't such a bad thing I'll tell you where not to speed. It's been a long year and all of our book's pages dog-eared We write out the ends on our palms, dear. Then forget to read, we didn't know that the sun was collapsing 'Til the seas rose and the buildings came crashing. We cried, "Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh" Everywhere, everything, I wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat 'Til our fingers decompose Keep my hand in yours'

"Slow down" You huffed out as Spencer turned down a road you knew all to well, it was familiar and came with a sense of home in place. It was the same road you remembered your father being pulled over everytime for speeding, the same road you had been pulled over on when you had first gotten your licence.

Spencer did as you told him, after sitting in the car with you for an hour mumbling about where was and wasn't safe to go a little faster than the speed limit, he knew to listen. This was your home, you knew it better than he would.

He even refrained from correcting some of your 'fun facts' abot your home town. Purely because listening to your excitement while talking about it made his heart too happy to say anything.

"You know we have gone past about three different pumpkin patches on the way" Spencer asked, raising his eyebrow softly as his head turned from the road to look at you for a moment before turning back to the road.

You rolled your eyes, a playful smile taking place over your lips. “Yes, but, this one’s the best. We are literally two minutes away. Please don’t complain.” You muttered with a smile.

The air between the two of you was warm. It lingered with peace and quiet love, the sort that didn’t need to be shouted from a roof top because it was whispered through the way Spencer’s hands reached to grab yours, the way his eyes danced between you and the road, the way the music playing was what you enjoyed rather than the normal radio he would let play in the background.

It didn’t need to be shouted because it was whispered through the way Spencer’s face lit up when he parked the car and looked out the window, the way he turned back to you with just about the widest grin you think ever possible, the way he leant in to place a gentle kiss against your forehead before he got out, walking around the car to open the door for you.

“Pretty right?” You grinned up at him as his eyes took over the scene, the leaves that covered the ground around your feet all the prettiest shades of orange and yellow, the scent of cinnamon filling the air around you, as patches and patches of pumpkins laid in front of you, all surrounded by a brown picket fence.

He just placed another kiss on your the top of your head, clasping his hand with yours, fingers interlinked between one another. The smile on his face and look in his eyes said more about his excitement than words possibly good — so you didn’t mind the lack of response as you began walking towards the patches.

“I wanna find the biggest one.” You mumbled out, looking around the large patches. There was families, friends, other couples surrounding you but your focus was on nothing but Spencer, and finding the biggest possible pumpkin.

Spencer snorted as he looked up at from patches, to look at you. He took in how you looked curled into one of his knitted sweaters, arms wrapped around your torso in order to shield you from the autumn breeze.

“I think that kid just took the biggest one”

You furrowed your eyebrows and spun your body to look behind you to where a kid was walking — To be fair the pumpkin his dad was holding was pretty big, but the smile on the kids face when he jumped around holding hands with his mum made you not mind so much.

“Well.. I’ll get the second biggest” You settled. Spencer smiled as he shook his head, tugging you slightly closer by your hand to pull you into his chest. His hand left yours as his arms came to rest around your waist.

You laughed, as your hands came up to his upper back and the back of his head gently. The two of you swayed side to side for a moment. “Happy?” You asked, silly question. You could feel it radiating off of him.

He pulled his head away to press his forehead against yours, his nose knocking yours lightly as he scrunched up his face for a moment, before pulling back to look down at your face. His lip quipped up into a soft smile. “Very.”

You lean back, his hands moving to hold onto your hips as his thumb slipped up under your sweater, his sweater. His thumb ran small circles over the skin in place. Your smile widened, heart exploding as your skin burnt under the cold of his fingertips.

“Come on, I want to find the perfect pumpkin. We should have a pumpkin carving competition this year, that would be so much fun” You rambled as you pulled away from his touch to walk around the lines and lines of pumpkins.

He laughed, “We should.” He agreed softly, because why would he ever deny you what you wanted, especially something to do with halloween.

He watched as you bent down to run your fingertips run gently along one of the pumpkins in the row: It was a decent size and probably would be simply to carve since he knew your mind was now hyper-fixated on the idea of pumpkin carving instead of finding the biggest possible pumpkin.

“Actually- Did you know each year 150 million dollars is made from pumpkins, and 98 percent of that is from people who purchase them to make jack-o’-lanterns, and 46% of amercia—”

“How many is that?” You cut off as you look up at him from where you were leant down to look at the pumpkins. He smiled.

“A hundred and fifty four million” He answered without even having to think about it. It never failed to stun you. You hummed allowing him to continue on telling you his facts.

“So 46 percent — Or A hundred and fifty four million people, in America make jack-o-lanterns every year. During Halloween the most reason for injury is actually because of pumpkin carving.” He stated.

You stood up, a soft smile on your face as you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Well maybe people should be more careful. I’ve never gotten an injury while carving a pumpkin” You hummed out.

He snorted, taking your hand gently. “Have you ever carved a pumpkin?” He asked, raising his eyebrow.

You gasped, “Yes- Actually!! I have.” You said, your voice an octave higher than normally. He smiled, nodding his head in disbelief which only caused you to shake your own.

The rest of the day consisted of you and Spencer walking around the pumpkin patch, making jokes and laughing with one another, you even tried a pumpkin, cinnamon cookie from a stand nearby.. Safe to say you weren’t too fond of it.

But you were fond of the way Spencer’s eyes shone in a different sort of way when the two of you finally picked out a pumpkin each, the way his mood seemed unwavering during the fall season.

You loved him, and you loved halloween.

[diorsluv]

casual , part 12

“ knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

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→ yourusername oh god

→ colecaufield gonna give that douche a knuckle sandwich 🤬

→ _alexturcotte why are you so violent all of a sudden

→ trevorzegras you punched a wall turcs shut up

edwards.73 why

→ yourusername idk

→ edwards.73 ok

username16 UR SO PRETTY HE DOESNT DESERVE U

jackhughes i told you 10 times be careful with him

→ yourusername will he do what it takes to survive??

→ jackhughes please not again

→ markestapa is that what i think it is

→ mackie.samo is it that one play with the man bun guy

→ luca.fantilli DID SOMEONE SAY HAMILTON

→ rutgermcgroarty no one said hamilton

→ dylanduke25 I HOPE THAT YOUUUUU

→ yourusername BURNNNNNNNN

next chapter notes ) i haven’t updated this in a week guys am i cooked?!?! wanna start that rut au so badly but i don’t want it to flop and i also don’t wanna put another au on hold 😔😔

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood @bunting58 @crazycat-ladys-blog @smoooore @bunbunbl0gs @lilasianmeat

[drdemonprince]

What if your unmasked self is unacceptable even to other autistics? I feel like if I don't carefully curate myself I'm too weird and annoying to sustain friendships even with other weirdos. This thing where unmasking makes people like you more because it's more ~authentic~ just hasn't been true for me and it makes me really sad.

Well, what does "weird" and "annoying" mean in this case? In unmaskers I frequently see a lot of understandable social trauma playing out in, let's just say, not the most socially effective of ways at times. No longer mindreading and people pleasing and fawning is all to the good; becoming completely unfiltered while still harboring a ton of deep-seated fear of abandonment and then spilling it out all over people will understandably drive them away. No longer faking emotions and tone of voice preserves energy and helps us feel more genuine, but never putting any energy into trying to understand a friend's interests or emotions will kill a friendship.

There is a messy counterbalancing that has to occur for many unmaskers; at first we focus on never doing anything false and allowing our unbridled selves to roam free -- and then we often recognize that we will need certain self-advocacy, listening, communication, and even diplomacy skills to actually relate to other people, even while remaining true to who we are.

It's normal for the unmasking process to initially seem like it's making you harder to love, more annoying, more bizzaree -- that's a necessary corrective to having previously aimed to make yourself unremarkable or widely liked.

But if you find yourself repeatedly socially alienating even out and proud neurodivergent people, it may be worth asking whether you are taking actions that are pushing them away. Things like interrupting people when they are trying to open up to you, invalidating their feelings, seeking reassurances that no other person can provide, not interacting, self-victimizing, just generally hurtful interpersonal stuff that us traumatized folks sometimes do even in community with one another. If this is the case, you will have to work on accepting the feedback when people are kind enough to tell you that you're bothering them or disrespecting them -- it is not the end of the world, it is a habit you can notice and correct.

Or you might just still be withdrawing and inhibiting very hard, and doing self-protective things that convey to others that they should give you a wide berth. Lots of unmaskers give off really strong "dont talk to me dont come up to me i feel socially unsafe right now" vibes that are completely honest and authentic to where they are at the moment, even if they wish they could seem more welcoming. Please give yourself some grace to feel all that if that's what it is.

No one is too weird or too annoying to make friends. But you might need to find the people who are weird enough and mad enough and disabled enough for you. Alternatively, you might have some interpersonal baggage that affects how you treat others you still need to work on. Or your internalized disability stigma might just be telling you that youre being too much when youre barely taking up social space at all.

You know your pattern of experiences and the feedback others have given you, so hopefully you can sort out what is currently missing in your social life based on that and some reflection and more testing. Good luck and let me know what you figure out.

[bleakbittersoul]

Bright out of context

Most of these are sent by me in rp some are sent by some awesome people in the server, and I think only one is from the wiki? Thanks for the help from @reddiamondgamer and @jack-of-amulets for their contributions to this list!

"The fear of spiders is kinda misogynistic."

"I think you'd be much more attractive if you ever got rabies"

"Could you in theory make yourself into jam for me?"

"How is it my fault you can't read minds?"

"Great now I'm thinking about dissections and formaldehyde and now I'm hungry"

"being meguca is suffering…"

"Where is your bathroom? I think I'd like to slam my head against a wall in private"

"This water is chunky"

"I only drink diet water"

"Have you ever gotten mad so you put a fork in someone's microwave and then irish goodbyed?"

"Water on toast"

"If you don't marry me I'm going to start collecting more of your DNA to do unethical science with."

"So if I wanted an audio clip of you meowing you'd do that for me?"

"I know what you're referring to. I don't enjoy fake animal ears. Skin an animal. Wear it's ears. Stop being afraid of commitment."

"I want to lick your eyelid."

"I like your eyes. When I first saw you I wanted to ask if I could keep them when you die but that would have been inappropriate and thankfully I don't have to worry about that. But they are lovely and I do want a bigger collection."

Screaming to wake Clef up and then trying to play it off as if he had a nightmare.

"Scientists don't get bullied enough anymore " after implying some people were baby talking an anomaly.

"I want to peel your face off and eat it it's so cute."

" I once possessed this really attractive girl and then got a job at a Walmart and started relentlessly flirting with you every time you went to Walmart to see if you would cheat on me but you never did"

"I wouldn't mind sucking on your wet hair."

"What if we kissed in the 1996 Teletubbies set "

"I want to scratch your head with my teeth."

"I like waltzes. I also like music that makes me feel like poisoning myself and or others as of right now."

"IT'S NOT A THROW PILLOW UNTIL SOMEONE GETS KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT WITH IT!"

"I'm going to lick your bones."

"I want your warm skin."

"I'll remove part of your intestine and eat it while you watch."

"I WANT TO CHEW ON YOUR FACE!"

"YURRR"

"Uhhuhuhuhuhuh" (like an angry shaken pug fly thing)

"Eyes, aren't right. They need to be improved."

"I don't have the energy to cry hysterically or resurrect you if you die. I'd still do it but it would be significantly less dramatic than it should be."

Heard their partner say "My chest is open for you to lay on" but only heard "My chest is open for you" and immediately assumed he meant for dissection. And when corrected Bright said "You're drawing a line on our love?"

"I like eyes. I have some."

"I don't mean that your eyes are pretty in a collectable kind of way they look good alive and on you…"

“…Don’t you just violently HATE having body parts?”

"My life fucking sucks because they… dont let me play with grenade launcher "

"GOD, FUCKING. BITCH! BECOME A WATERMELON." pause "[INSERT SEVERAL MORE EXPLETIVES]"

"I have two of your teeth. One bloody, one…normal"

“…We should kill MORE children!”

"I WANT THE GRAVESTONE! DO YOU WANT MY TOE TAG?"

[Dr. Bright shows signs of agitation, swearing in several different languages, and throwing equipment about the room.]

"If you ever leave me I'm robbing your fucking grave. And I don't mean that in a normal way. I would be after your organs."

"Oh skin"

"Okay to be fair I've seen screaming trees"

"WHY DO YOU HATE MY HAMSTER!?? WHY DO YOU HATE IT'S EYES??? IT HAS NORMAL EYES!!!"

“Can someone get me a shovel? I just murdered the gender binary and I need it to hide the body.”

"Human life or not I'd eat it."

"You'd make a cute poison victim"

"If I made you hot chocolate, I would make it with love and I wouldn't poison it at all"

"I fucking love carcasses. That's why I love meat, it's like edible taxidermy"

"Would you still love me if whenever someone got hurt in a breach or someone got hurt or people get into a fight I would say and that's how it feels to chew five gum and then look away as if I'm looking at a Camara like a character in the office."

"One heart? ONE HEART?! WHAT AM I YOUR GRANDMOTHER? SOME EASILY APPEASED SIDE PIECE???"

"I want to touch you with my bones."

"Okay, well when you feel better I'll go lick a bathroom doorknob so you can repay the favor."

"Would you still love me if I didn't believe in toothbrushes?"

"You've never had your house set on fire before and it shows…"

"Are you often covered in blood. I've been covered in blood a few times. Interesting feeling isn't it? Almost primal."

"Cute color pattern. Was the theme bio hazard?"

"I'm being haunted by myself right now"

“sorry for going through the entire spectrum of human emotions in the past 10 minutes…. do you still like me? ”

"It's yellow and I wanted to think of something other than piss when I look at it. So egg. Piss egg for the piss baby."

in his most demonic voice "I'M FROM…. NEBRASKA…."

Bright: You know I once made a table set disappear.

Clef:… Did you steal it.

Bright through evil manic laughter: Yes

[matty-bear]

XI. Out [N.S]

type: The Influencer series FINALE

pairing: nick sturniolo x male!oc

warnings: sfw, tooth-rotting fluff, implications of sex (NO SMUT !!)

summary:  in which Finn and Nick come clean about their relationship to the fans on the Cut The Camera Podcast

notes: oh em geeee the influencer is done :000 I’m so grateful for all the support you guys have given me while Ive been working on this series <3 I could have never finished this series without you guy;s love and support fr fr . I might re write this after I write a bit more but I’m happy with how this series is right now ! hopefully you guys are fed with this but if youre not, don't fret there will be more finn and nick content in the near future ^^ thank you again for joining me on this ride and i hope to see you guys on my future works ! <3 p.s., hope you guys dont mind this extra long chapter ;3 

WC: 8033

CH10

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＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

“My love~” The sound of Finn's voice echoing from their dimly lit shared bathroom causes Nick to abruptly lift his head from the pillow he’s laying on. 

“Yes?” Nick replies as he pushes himself up into a sitting position. The soft sound of footsteps pattering against the floorboards sounds through the male's ears as he swings his legs over the side of the bed. 

“I should've done my skincare last night.” Nick didn’t need to lift his head to know that Finn was frowning. His tone sounded nothing but upset and Nick's claim seems to be correct when he lifts his head to be met with his boyfriend slightly pouting. 

“What makes you say that? Did you break out or something?” Nick instinctively grasps Finn's hips to pull him in between his legs. He watches as his boyfriend slowly nods and removes his hand from the left side of his face to reveal a small, baby blue star patch.

“I got a pimple.” Finn raises a finger to point at the covered pimple, his frown not faltering. Before Nick gets the chance to add to the conversation, Finn sighs deeply and takes a seat on his boyfriend’s leg. “I envy you and your clear skin.” 

“Do you now?” Finn rapidly nods his head as he rests his chin on Nick's semi-clothed shoulder. 

“Yeah. You rarely break out. And when you do, it doesn’t take you very long to get rid of the pimples of whatever pops up on your skin.”

Nick simply hums softly and begins to drag his fingertips against Finn’s clothes back. “Baby, I have a question for you.” 

“What is it?” 

“I was talking with Matt and Chris last night about us coming clean about our relationship to the fans. They both made some pretty good points and I wanted to know if you were okay with coming to join us for a podcast so we can, you know, properly come out and I can introduce you to everyone as my boyfriend. It was either that or doing it in a car video but I feel like fans would want to know more about you, especially if they don’t follow you on social media, so they can get to know how wonderful you are from you from the podcast. What do you say? we’ll be filming the episode later today so you practically have all day to think about it.” 

The faint sound of Finn humming runs through Nick's ears for a moment, followed by the soft vibrations of his chest against his arm. “I'm down.” 

Nick's eyes light up as he leans back slightly to peer down at Finn. “really?” 

The taller hums again with a small smile as he gets up from his spot on Nick's leg. “As long as I get to sit next to you in the studio and if Chris and Matt aren’t gonna tease us the entire time.” 

“Well, I can't promise you that, but I'll talk to them later. Anyways, where are you going? Come back.” 

“I need to change!” A small laugh escapes Finn’s lips as he excuses himself to go to the closet. Upon opening the door and letting himself inside the small space, Nick quickly gets up from his spot on the bed and rushes over to the male. The moment he steps foot inside his closet, his eyes narrow as he watches his boyfriend shift through his rack of sweatshirts. 

“What are you doing?” Nick asks, his arms crossing over his chest. 

Finn momentarily shifts his gaze from the hangers in front of him to look over at his boyfriend who’s leaning against the doorframe. He sends the male a soft smile and returns to shifting through the hangers before he replies, “Finding a sweatshirt to wear.” 

“In my closet?” 

“Yeah.” Nick rolls his eyes as Finn finally settles on a clothing item. The redhead can practically see the happiness and excitement radiating off his boyfriend as he slips a black sweatshirt with large gray stars off a hanger. He watches as Finn quickly flips the item around to allow Nick to see it, a cheesy smile clear as day on his lips. 

“This is what you bought on our first date.” Finn says, his arms quickly getting to work on getting the sweatshirt over his head. 

“First date?” Nick asks, a single eyebrow raising as he watches his boyfriend’s head pop out of the top of the sweater. 

Finn lets out a small sigh as the familiar smell of vanilla runs through his senses. “Yeah, first date. Well, I considered it to be a little date, a blind one in a sense if you get what I mean.” 

“You know, we haven’t gone out on a proper date in a while.” At Nick's statement, Finn can't help but smile widely. As he approaches the redhead, he slowly wraps his arms around the shorter’s waist and peers down at him. 

“Is that a way of telling me that you want to go on a proper date?” Finn asks, his smile not faltering as he watches Nick’s facial expressions carefully. 

“Obviously, yes. I’ve actually been planning a little date for a few days now.” Nick smiles as he watches Finn’s eyes mimic those of a child being surprised on Christmas day. “Before you say anything, that’s all I'm telling you.” 

Finn’s excited expression drops and is quickly replaced with a small frown. “Oh come on~” The male whines as he begins to sway himself and Nick back and forth. “Just another hint, please?” 

“Nope. You're just gonna have to wait.” As Nick slips out of Finn’s hold and exits the closet, the latter gasps dramatically and quickly follows him. 

“Come on, please?” 

“Nope.” Finn lets out a small whine as he follows Nick downstairs. He quickly turns the corner when the male enters the kitchen and he immediately leans against the counter closest to Nick with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Well, good morning you two.” Matt greets as he passes the kitchen upon exiting his bedroom, his mop of messy and fluffy chocolate brown hair being a sign of his good night’s rest. 

Finn quickly turns his head around to face the younger male. “Oh hey.” Matt shares a quick smile with Finn as he walks towards the fridge. 

“So…” The brunette starts as he grabs a bottle of root beer off the top shelf. “Are we having a guest join us for the podcast today?” 

At Matt’s straightforward question, Nick quickly shifts his gaze from the small ceramic bowl in his hands to Finn who’s next to him. The redhead shares a quick look with his boyfriend before the taller smiles softly and looks over at Matt who’s taking small sips of the beverage in his hand. 

“I believe so, yes.” Finn replies with a small head nod. Matt lets out an excited shout before he makes his way over to the couple on the opposite side of the kitchen. 

“Did it take a lot of convincing?” Matt diverts his question to Nick who’s busy stirring a serving of dry cereal in the milk in his bowl. He waits for the older to take a quick bite and swallow the contents before he replies, “Not really no. I just gave him a quick rundown of what happened last night and he agreed to join us today.” 

After seeing Matt look over at him, Finn gently nods his head with a small smile. “Well, I’m glad you’re joining us today, Finn.” Matt says as he takes another quick sip of his root beer. “Should I start prepping questions with Chris then?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. When you guys are done, send me the list.” Nick replies with a small head nod. 

“Alright, I'll go do that then. See you guys later.” Matt sends a quick wave goodbye to Nick and Finn as he excuses himself to go back to his bedroom. After ensuring that the male shuts the door behind him, Finn immediately wraps his arms around Nick’s waist and pulls him flush against his chest.

At the sudden movement, the redhead lets out a small noise of surprise and removes the spool full of cereal from his mouth before it spills. After setting the utensil down in the nearly empty bowl, Nick turns his head to be met with a smiley Finn who’s resting his head on his shoulder. 

“Can we go back to bed please?” Finn asks, his speech slightly muffled due to his mouth being inches away from the exposed skin on Nick’s shoulder. 

“Baby, it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon.” Nick starts, his eyes momentarily shifting over to the microwave nearby to double-check the time. “I don't think it’s a good idea to go to bed right now. Besides, if you want to cuddle, we can do it in the living room.”

“Fine.” Finn huffs slightly, his grip on Nick’s waist tightening ever so slightly. “Hurry up. You're taking too long.” 

“Calm down Mr. Eager. I'm almost done.” Finn impatiently watches as Nick picks up his spoon and scoops up a few pieces of cereal and some milk. At the sight of the male slowly risking the utensil to his slightly opened mouth, Finn groans and drops his head to his boyfriend’s shoulder. 

“You hate me.” Nick can’t help but chuckle at the taller’s statement and quickly stuffs the food in his mouth before going for another portion. 

“Glad you're aware of the fact so I don’t have to verbally say it.” Nick bites back a laugh when he hears Finn gasp dramatically. He watches from the corner of his eye as the male stands upright, his mouth wide open in shock drawing a small chuckle from him. 

“That's so disrespectful.” Finn waits for Nick to eat the contents from his spoon before he lands a poke on his side. The redhead flinches at the small touch and quickly whips around to narrow his eyes at the taller. 

“No, it’s not.” Nick defends as he points the tip of his spoon at the male. 

“Yes, it is.” Finn frowns, “Hurry up and finish your cereal.” 

“You’re the one that interrupted me.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up please I’m getting cold.” 

“Baby, you have a whole-ass sweater on. The only person here that should be cold is me.” Nick gestures to the white tank top hugging his torso before he turns around to face his bowl again. 

“Hey, you’re the one that decided to change out of your shirt to put this on.” Finn starts, his pointer finger hooking underneath the strap on Nick’s tank top. “You could’ve left it on.” 

“Okay true,” Nick mumbles, his speech slightly muffled due to the food in his mouth. Finn simply hums as he watches the redhead walk over to the skin to wash his dish.

After turning off the tap and wiping his hands dry, Nick makes his way over to Finn and wordlessly grabs his hand to guide the two of them to the living room. The shorter momentarily releases his hand from Finn’s to sit down as as he reaches over to grab a pillow, the taller’s eyes stay glued to Nick’s arms which slightly flex as he reaches over. 

“I can feel you starting. Well, see you staring as well.” Nick states, his eyes momentarily shifting up to see his boyfriend before he fixes it back onto the pillow in his hand. 

“Are you sure you haven’t been working out?” Finn asks, a single hand resting on his hip as the other points at Nick. The latter quickly raises his head at his boyfriend’s question and chuckles softly before reaching forward to grab his waist. 

“Finn, we've been around each other almost every single day. I think you would know if I was working out.” Nick guides Finn to sit in his lap before he continues, “Besides, you know damn well I'm not about that physical activity shit.” 

Finn can’t help but giggle at Nick's last statement. “Oh trust me, I know. But I'm just saying that you got a little muscle building up.” 

Nick raises an eyebrow at the taller tucking his head in the crook of his neck. “I heavily beg to differ but whatever you say.” 

“Look, I'm not lying!” Finn quickly removes himself from his spot in Nick’s neck to grab into his arm. His hand quickly shifts up to the male’s bicep and the moment he squeezes the area, he feels the shorter tense underneath his fingers. “You definitely have some muscles here. Look, just flex a little.”

“Finn, I am not flexing.” 

“Come on, why not.” 

“Because.”

“Because why?” 

Nick lets out a small sigh and looks over at Finn, the sight of his puppy eyes causing his heart to ache. “Alright, enough of that.” He gently sets his hand on the taller’s face to push him away.  “If I flex my arm will you paint your nails with me?” 

“Abso-fucking-lutely. Now flex, cmon!” Nick sighs yet again and waits for Finn to remove his hand from his bicep before he quickly flexes his arm. At the excited shout escaping his boyfriend’s mouth, Nick instinctively hides his face behind his hand. “You do have muscles you fucking liar!” 

Nick doesn’t say anything and instead shakes his head in response. Finn playfully rolls his eyes at the male before he grabs the hand covering his face and slowly pries it away. “Why are you so flustered?” Finn teases, a large smile appearing on his lips at the sight of his boyfriend’s flushed face. 

“Shut it,” Nick mumbles as he leans forward to hide in Finn’s chest. The latter giggles at his boyfriend and cards a hand through his dark red locks before landing a small peck on the crown of his head. 

_____

“Baby, you know you don’t have to do a full face of makeup right? It’s not like we’re going out in public.” Nick says as he steps into his bathroom, his fingers getting to work on zipping up a purple sweater that’s loosely hung on his shoulders.

“It’s just guy-liner I swear.” Finn defends, his tall frame leaning back from the mirror to look over at the male standing next to him. He gives his boyfriend a small smile before lifting the eyeliner underneath his eye again. Nick sighs softly and shakes his head as he lifts himself on the counter. He wastes no time in grabbing Finn’s free hand and fiddling with the few rings hugging his fingers. The latter, noticing the male’s change in behavior, momentarily stops what he’s doing to look over at him. “My love?” 

Nick quickly lifts his head to meet Finn’s worried gaze. “Yeah?” 

“You’re nervous. What’s wrong?” 

“Nervous? Pshh. I’m not nervous.” Finn exhales deeply through his nose before turning his body so he’s fully facing Nick. He sends the male a knowing look before saying, “You don’t think I noticed that you play with my rings when you're nervous?” 

Nick forces his lips into a straight line and allows his gaze to fall back down to Finn’s hand which is still in his gasp. “Okay, maybe I am a little nervous.” 

A small frown makes its way onto Finn’s lips before he takes a step close to Nick and sets his free hand on his clothed thigh. “Why?”

“Don’t know.” 

“Nick…” As Finn cups the latter’s face with a single hand, Nick sighs softly and looks up at him. “Is it because this is gonna be the first video that’s gonna be posted of us being together?” Nick slowly nods his head. “Oh baby, you don’t need to be nervous about this. Just think about it like this; When this podcast gets uploaded, we can finally be open to doing whatever we want. You want us to be free with this, right?” Nick nods again. “Okay, then let’s get this done and we can do that.” 

Finn lands a quick peck on the younger’s forehead before returning to his space in front of the mirror. As he touches up his slightly smudged eyeliner, the faint sound of the door opening alerts Nick and causes his head to quickly lift and turn towards the sound. 

“You guys getting ready to go on the catwalk or what? The hell's taking so long?” The annoyed voice of Chris echoes in the bedroom as the male steps inside and makes a beeline for the open bathroom. The male sighs softly and crosses his arms over his chest when his eyes land on Nick and Finn who have both stopped what they’re doing. Finn slowly turns his head around to meet eyes with Chris, the hand that’s holding his eyeliner still inches away from his eye. 

“Just give us five more minutes,” Finn says with a soft huff. 

“Can you knock, please? You have no manners.” Nick mumbles as he lightly shoves Chris’s shoulder to push him out of the bathroom. 

“Whatever. Just hurry up please.” Chris rolls his eyes with a small sigh before he exits the room and gently shuts the door behind him. 

“You done?” Nick asks, turning his head to look over at his boyfriend who’s ruffling his hair. 

“Yeah, I'm done,” Finn replies as he shakes his head, his slightly curly bangs flopping down neatly over his forehead. “Wait, do you wanna wear something of mine before we head to the studio?” 

“Wear something of yours?” Nick repeats, a single eyebrow-raising. 

“Yeah.” Finn hums and guides the shorter out of the bathroom. “Since I'm wearing your sweater, you could wear the one I wore here. The fans would see that we’re wearing each other's clothes and they would freak out about it.” 

Nick softly hums as he watches Finn walk over to the stack of neatly folded clothes sitting on his desk. “I’m down.” As the redhead unzips his sweater and shrugs it off his body, Finn slips a hoodie with dark green and black stripes out from his pile of clothes. He walks over to Nick, the item in his right hand, and gives his boyfriend a small smile before handing it to him. “Will it fit me?” 

Finn’s smile immediately drops and he narrows his eyes at his boyfriend who gently slips the hoodie out of his hand. “Nick, are you serious?” 

“Dead serious. I’m clearly larger than you and have never worn your clothes before so.” 

“Nick… You act like you're two sizes larger than I am. You’ll be fine, baby. Just put it on.” Nick glances up at Finn and sends him an anxious expression before hesitantly slipping the hoodie over his head.

He swiftly pulls his arms through the sleeves and pulls down the end of the clothing item once it’s fully on him. Nick takes a moment to stare down at his torso and examine the hoodie loosely hugging his torso before he looks up and gives a small smile to Finn. 

“See? It fits you!” Finn beams with a wide smile. He walks closer to Nick and begins to fix his hair which was messed up while he was putting his hoodie on. As he begins to card his slim fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, the redhead hums softly and subconsciously leans into the touch. 

“Yeah, I guess it does.” Nick hums softly. “I think we should go to the studio before Chris beats our ass.” 

“I think so too. Let’s go, c'mon.” Finn takes Nick’s hand in his and intertwines their fingers before he pulls him to the door. The moment they both step out of the room, they enter the brightly lit podcast studio. 

At the sound of a door softly shutting, Matt perks his head up and looks over at Nick and Finn who are walking towards the pink and white booth he’s sitting in. 

“Finally.” Matt sighs as he shuts his phone off and tucks it under his leg. “Was starting to think that you two would never show up.” 

“Okay, calm down. We’re here, are we not?” Nick says, shooting a glare toward the younger. The male steps aside when he reaches the booth to allow Finn to take a seat first. After his boyfriend settles in front of a mic at the edge of the table, Nick slips into his usual spot in the booth as well. 

“Everyone good with their spots?” Chris asks, mainly asking his question to Finn. As he gently sets his hands on both sides of his mic, Finn abruptly lifts his head to meet Chris’ gaze. After locking eyes with the boy, he gently nods his head and shoots the male a small smile. 

“The cameras are on right?” Nick asks, his eyes drifting from the various cameras tucked in the corners of the room. 

“Yeah, they’re on. We’re all good to go, kid. Start when you’re ready.” Matt confirms with a small head nod. 

Nick lets out a small exhale through his nose before looking over at Finn who’s sitting fairly close to him, however not close to the point they’d be in the same camera frame. The taller looks over at the younger and swiftly takes his hand that’s under the table.

As he begins to trace comforting circles on the back of the redhead’s hand, Nick cracks a smile and averts his attention back to his mic. He looks down at it for a moment and glances over Chris, who gives him an encouraging head nod. Nick nods faintly, more as a reassurance thing for himself, before he looks towards his camera. 

“Good morning Campers and welcome back to the Cut The Camera Podcast!” Nick greets, a warm smile immediately taking over his features. “I am Nick Sturniolo and I will be your favorite host for today's episode.” 

“Yeah, yeah favorite host my ass.” Matt mumbles, rolling his eyes for a brief moment before he looks at his respective camera. “I’m Matt by the way.” 

“And I'm Chris!” The youngest triplets exclaims, a large smile clear as day on his face. The male plays his imaginary air guitar for a moment and mimics the sound of the said instrument before he stops and rests his hands on the table in front of him. 

“I’m going to go ahead and do the small introduction for this episode because someone over here is getting nervous.” Matt begins, his eyes shifting over to lock with Nick’s who sends him a warning glare. “Today is a very special episode because we have someone joining us today. You guys might know this person, some of you may not, but I'll allow Nick to introduce this person to you guys. Nick?” 

“Thanks Matt,” Nick mumbles, his voice trailing off as he subconsciously begins to fidget with Finn’s fingers under the table. 

“Is that sarcasm?” 

“That’s up to your interpretation.” Matt shakes his head with a soft sigh as Nick looks over at his boyfriend. The redhead can’t help but smile when the male sends him a small wink and quickly looks away from him to look at his camera. “Today joining us in the studio is my boyfriend, Finn. Would you like to introduce yourself to the viewers and or listeners?” 

“I’d love to.” Finn replies with a small smile. He brings his mic closer to his mouth with his free hand before he continues, “Hey guys, I’m Finn as you may know. I am 21 years old and have been dating Nick for almost three months now. I am a full-time Instagram influencer but am close to being a full-time model as well.” 

“Wait, you're close to being a full-time model? I thought that was a side job you had.” Chris asks, his head tilting to the side as he looks over at the blue-haired male. 

“Yeah, it was a side job but since my manager, shoutout to Kim.” Finn starts, making a small finger heart with his free hand before he continues, “Has been booking me a lot more, I’ve been getting more modeling opportunities. It’s like every other day that I need to go to a shoot so I'd say that I'm very close to modeling full-time.” 

“This isn’t a question we have prepped but since we’re on the topic, would you drop Instagram if you did decide to go full-time with modeling? I know that job is a lot, from what I hear from you, and I'm just wondering if it’d be a little difficult to juggle two jobs at once.” 

“That’s a very good question hmm..” Finn ponders for a moment, his lips momentarily shifting into a straight line as he thinks. “I don’t think so, no. Instagram means a lot to me considering how much of a following I have on there and everything. Not to mention how I started my entire career there so I think that suddenly dumping Instagram would be a lot. I’ve been healthy balancing that and modeling with no problem right now so keeping up my account shouldn’t be a problem if and when I decide to go full-time with modeling.” 

“I see, I see.” Matt hums, “Was it hard making a face for yourself on social media through Instagram? I feel like it’s a lot harder for people to reach popularity through Instagram since there’s so much on there. Also, guys, don’t worry we will get into relationship questions here in a minute.” 

Finn chuckles softly at Matt’s last statement, his head dropping for a second before he looks back up and replies, “It was a little difficult, yes but I just kept being constant with posts and stuff. I feel like the key to growing on any base is being consistent so that’s exactly what I did. I did experience some setbacks a few years into gaining popularity but I got over them eventually.” 

“When did you start social media? Like age-wise.” Chris asks. 

“I wanna say like 16,” Finn replies with a small head nod. “I wanted to start way younger but my parents didn’t let me so.” 

“I feel like 16 is a decent age to start this stuff at. I mean we started our YouTube career at 17 and just continued to work towards getting popularity. I was about to say fame but I find that a little corny. Besides, I think fame is too big of a word to describe what we have right now.” 

“I completely agree with the fame thing. I would never use that term to describe myself, no matter how big I get. I just feel like that’s more of a celebrity term. You know, singers and actors usually have that term tied to their names.” 

“Yes! I completely agree!” Matt exclaims, his voice raising a few octaves as he points a single finger at Finn. 

“Great minds think alike,” Finn says with a large smile. The two share a quick handshake before Chris breaks the small silence. 

“Nick, I haven't heard from you in a good minute. You doing okay over there?” Chris asks, a teasing smile creeping onto his lips as he glances over at the older who’s staring at his boyfriend. 

“Huh?” Nick hums, quickly snapping out of his gaze when Chris’ voice runs through his ears. “Oh, yeah I'm fine.” 

“He’s been staring at Finn this whole time. Is the sun shining out of his ass or something?” Matt asks, adding to the teasing as he nudges Nick with his foot. 

“Alright, enough of that. I didn’t sign up to sit through an hour of teasing from the two of you.” Nick mumbles, shifting his gaze from Finn to his two brothers. As he seemingly stares daggers at the two, Finn speaks up. 

“I can smell the edits now,” Finn says with a small laugh. “Oh my God, the way he looks at him.” 

“Not you too,” Nick says, his jaw dropping slightly as he looks over at his boyfriend who’s already gazing down at him. 

“I gotta agree with Finn here. I’m gonna see a shit ton of edits of the two of you on my for you page after this episode is out.” Chris chimes in, his speech slightly muffled due to his hands covering and rubbing his face. 

“Speaking of which!” Finn exclaims with a small smile, “If you guys make any edits of Nick, tag me in them, please. I need to see every single Nick edit in existence for me to live a happy life, thank you.” 

“Baby, I'm literally right here. Why do you need to see edits of me when I'm right next to you?” Nick asks, his eyebrows furring together as a bewildered expression takes over his features. Before he allows Finn to reply, he points at his camera and says, “Do the same with me please but for Finn edits, thanks.” 

“Okay, fucking hypocrite. I was just about to defend myself but it seems like we both have the same idea.” 

“Okay but in my defense, I rarely see edits of you. I need more in my life, seriously.” 

“What the hell is this conversation?” Chris laughs, gaining a small shrug from Matt who’s simply staring at the couple in front of him in disbelief. 

“Can we go back to questioning the kid, please? Or you two to be specific?” Matt asks, chucking when Nick and Finn both stop their conversation to look over at him. 

“My bad. Go ahead with the questions.” Finn apologizes with a small giggle. 

“Alright, first question about you and Nick.” Chris begins, scrolling through his notes for a moment before continuing, “When did you two first meet? Matt and I know what went down but the fans don’t so please enlighten us.” 

“Enlighten us is crazy,” Nick mumbles, his statement earning a small chuckle from his boyfriend. 

“Do you wanna say it or should I?” Finn asks, adjusting his position on the booth slightly so he can face the male next to him. 

“You can,” Nick replies with a small smile.

Finn gently nods his head and clears his throat before he starts explaining, “So the triplets and I were invited to this large influencer party in downtown LA. When I first met Nick, I found him staring at the bottles of liquor like he was seeing colors for the first time. I asked if he needed help and he agreed and let me help him. And before you guys say anything, I made him the least alcoholic beverages possible. Anyways Nick doesn’t know this but I could see him staring at me out of the corner of my eye the whole time I was getting his drinks.” 

“YOU COULD?” Nick exclaims, his face flushing in embarrassment as he looks wide-eyed at the male next to him. 

“Yeah, I could.” Finn giggles. 

“Stop, that's so embarrassing, oh my God.” As Nick hides his face in his hands, collective laughter sounds from the three boys in the studio. 

“Hey, I was staring at you too so it’s fine.” 

“You were?” 

“Absolutely, yes. The second you left the drinking area, I purposely dragged my friends closer to the area you guys were at so I could get a better look at you.” 

“I didn’t see you when I was looking for you, though. You must’ve found a good spot.” 

“You were looking for me?” Finn smiles widely at Nick as the male’s face heats up and takes on a soft red hue. 

Nick sputters for a moment before he voices his reply, “Yeah when we were leaving.” 

“Seeing how easily Finn makes Nick all flustered like this is fucking insane to me.” Matt states as he rubs a hand over his chin. 

“You guys will definitely see more of this when we get Finn in vlogs and whatnot but this kid literally has Nick wrapped around his pinkie finger. It’s fucking hilarious.” Chris adds with a small laugh. 

“Okay, can you two shut up please? Thanks.” Nick says, subtly flipping off the two males before he turns to face Finn again. 

“They do have a point, my love. You do get flustered quite easily.” Finn says, his statement earning a hurtful expression to spread across Nick’s face. Before the male gets to retaliate, the taller grabs his face with a single hand and brings him closer to him. Nick’s face darkens a shade or two as his nose brushes against his boyfriend’s and he slowly shrinks in his seat under the male’s strong gaze. 

“CLIP THAT! CLIP THAT!” Chris exclaims as he gets out of his seat and points at the two boys a few steps away from him. 

“The editors are gonna get a kick out of this episode.” Matt says, his eyes staying fixed onto Nick who’s staring up at Finn with slightly wide eyes. 

“Nick editors to be exact.” 

“Can yall shut it please.” Nick mutters, his efforts of sounding threading failing when Finn sends him a heart melting smile. 

“Finn, you’re gonna kill him.” 

“I’m stopping, I'm stopping.” 

_______

It’s currently Monday and Nick and Finn are huddled up in the redhead’s bedroom. A random movie they both agreed to watch is playing on the television however neither of the boys are paying any attention to it. Rather, the two are too occupied in being wrapped in each other's arms under a large blanket they stole from Chris. Comfortable silence drifts between the two, the only real sound filling the room being the movie and their synced breaths. 

“The podcast episode is being released in ten minutes,” Nick mumbles, his soft voice breaking the small silence in the room. 

Finn lifts his head from his spot on Nick’s chest. “Really?” 

Nick hums in response. “That means you’re gonna have to let me get up so I can upload it.” 

Finn chuckles softly and reluctantly removes himself from Nick’s hold to sit up and lean against the headboard. He takes a moment to stretch his sore limbs before he looks over at his boyfriend who hasn’t moved from his position. “Do you want me to get your laptop or are you gonna get up?” 

Nick shifts his eyes from the television in front of him to look over at Finn. “Can you get it for me, please? I’m too comfortable.” 

“Of course, give me a second.” Nick silently watches as Finn gets out from underneath the covers and slips off the mattress. The male walks a few steps to arrive at Nick's desk and disconnects any wires connected to his laptop before picking it up and returning to bed. “Here you go, my love.” 

“Thank you, baby.” Nick sends Finn a warm smile as he hands him his laptop. It was only then that the redhead decided to sit up and lean against the headboard. As he sets his laptop on his lap and turns it on, Finn shuffles closer to the male and leans against his shoulder. “I can’t believe this is happening.” 

“What? Us coming out as a couple to the public?” 

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I'm glad we’re doing this but I'm still a little nervous.” 

“I am too, but don't worry too much. We got this.” Finn sits up a little to nestle his face in the crook of Nick’s neck. The latter can’t help but tense up at the feeling of the taller peppering the side of his neck with soft and tender kisses. Nick opens his mouth to comment on his boyfriend’s behavior but cuts himself off when the male bites down on the skin under his ear.

“Finn,” Nick whines, his eyes shut tightly as he subconsciously tits his neck to the side to give the male more access to his skin. 

“Hmm?” Finn hums, his focus staying fixed on the younger’s skin in between his teeth.

“I need to upload this, you’re distracting me.” 

“Am I now?” 

“Yes you-“ Nick cuts himself off yet again when Finn begins to suck on the same area he was biting moments prior. A low groan slips out of Nick's mouth as he moves his laptop off his lap and grabs his boyfriend’s bicep. “Finn, please.” 

The latter bites down on Nick’s tender skin once more before finally stopping and pulling away. Finn eyes the area he marked for a moment and can’t help the proud smile forming on his lips as the sight of a purpling spot under the redhead’s ear. “Might need to cover that up before we go downstairs.” Finn says as he rubs over the area with his index finger. 

“You’re helping me.” Nick grumbles as he grabs his laptop and pulls it back on his lap. “I’m getting your aas back for this by the way.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” Nick looks over at Finn and takes in his cocky grin. The male can’t help but scoff softly at the sight and returns to uploading the podcast episode. It only takes about five minutes for Nick to upload the video and when he’s done, he softly shuts his laptop and sets it on the nearby nightstand. 

“I’d like to try now.” 

_____

“Guys the fans are going fucking insane. I swear i’ve never seen so many fan pages edit a video of ours so quick-“ Matt starts as he opens the door to Nick’s room. He quickly shuts his mouth and stares wide-eyed at the two shirtless males on the bed, the only thing covering their lower halves being the blanket they were using earlier. Nick quickly slips off Finn and looks over at Matt who’s standing in the doorway, his face flush in embarrassment. 

“Matt! Fucking knock!” Nick exclaims as he pulls the blanket up to his chest. 

“My bad. I'm gonna go bleach my eyes now.” Matt sputters, his words mumbling together as he quickly exits the room and loudly shuts the door behind him. 

“God, that kid.” As Nick lets out a heavy exhale, he looks over at Finn who’s still lying on his back.

He takes a moment to stare at the male while his eyes are still shut and allows his eyes to wander down to his slightly parted lips which are taking in heavy inhales of air, his chest rapidly rising in the process. Nick’s eyes eventually wander to the taller’s hair, which is a lot messier considering what they were doing before they got interrupted. Before he allows his gaze to wander down to his exposed chest, Nick quickly rips his gaze away when Finn opens his eyes. 

“We should do this more often.” Finn breathes out as he blinks up at the male hovering over him. 

“Are you sure about that? I don't think you could go for much longer considering how fucked you look right now.”

“Oh, I looked fucked right now?” As Nick hums softly in response, Finn sits up slightly and leans against his arms, the crown of his head inches away from the headboard of the bed. As the taller gazes up at his boyfriend, he can’t help but let his eyes wander down to his chest. “Wait, I just realized you don’t have a shirt on.” 

“Oh,” Nick quickly looks down at his torso and peeks into the gap made from the blanket covering the majority of his upper half. “Yeah, I don't.” 

As Nick looks back over at Finn, a confused expression overtakes his features at the sight of the taller’s wide smile. “Why are you smiling so hard?” 

“Well it’s just that you’ve always been so huge on keeping a shirt on and not allowing anyone to see you shirtless and the fact that you are currently topless is just making me a little happy. You know,  because you were comfortable enough to take your tank top off and be bare during what we just did.” 

“Oh,” Nick mumbles again, a single arm raising to rub his nape. “Yeah, I do feel quite comfortable with you now. Besides, I feel like if we’re going to have 

sex or make out then I can't have my shirt on.” 

Finn’s eyebrows furrow at Nick’s last statement and he quickly sits upright. “Love, you know you don’t have to feel obligated to not have a top on when we do this shit right?” Silence falls over the two boys for a moment.

At the sight of Nick forcing his lips together and looking off to the side, Finn heavily sighs and leans his head against the male’s shoulder. “Sweetheart, if we’re going to have sex or shit like that, it is completely okay with me if you want to keep your clothes on. It’s not like I'm going to get upset or anything. I want you to be comfortable, okay?” 

“Okay.” When Nick turns his head to look over at Finn, the latter immediately captures his lips with his for a quick kiss. When the taller pulls away, he removes himself from his boyfriend’s shoulder and begins patting the area around him. “What are you doing?” Nick asks, his eyebrows knitting together as he watches the male slip his hand under the blanket. 

“I wanna see the feedback from the podcast episode. Matt said the fans are flipping their shit and I wanna see it for myself.” Finn replies, momentarily shifting his gaze to look at Nick before he pulls his phone out from under the blanket. As Nick gently nods his head with a small hum, Finn situates himself back against his shoulder and unlocks his phone. “I’m gonna check Tiktok first.” 

Finn spins his thumb around a few times as his eyes scan his lock screen for the said app and when he finally finds it, he clicks it open. It didn’t take a single scroll from the male for a video of himself and Nick to pop up on his feed. Immediately, the room fills with the sound of both boys talking with Daylight by Taylor Swift playing softly in the back. 

“I’m just really grateful that I met Nick at that party. At the time, I was struggling mentally, obviously, it wasn’t shown on social media and I tried my best to now show it either, but when I met him I just felt all my worries and shit wash away. He brings me such peace and happiness and seeing him nearly every single day just makes me so fucking happy. Honest to God, I don’t know what I would be doing if I never went to that bar that night.” Finn says, his eyes not breaking away from Nick’s as he looks at the male with a loving and heart-stuck gaze. 

“God don’t even get me started with how amazing a boyfriend he is. I swear he knows me better than I know myself. He knows me like the back of his hand and immediately knows if something is up just by looking at me. He’s so caring and sweet and I need to figure out how to repay him because he’s just so fucking amazing.” 

“Oh, cut the bullshit.” Nick states, his eyes rolling rather playfully before he shifts his eyes up back to Finn’s, “I haven’t really been in a proper relationship before so all this shit is new to me, and still kinda is in a sense, but I appreciate how Finn takes things so slow with me. Like when we first started dating yes we kissed and whatnot but it was slow like how we both agreed on. He didn’t overstep any of my boundaries and constantly asked me if what he was doing was okay with me physical touch wise and always asked if I was comfortable. I couldn’t be more thankful for how patient he was with me. I could go on a whole fucking tangent about how much I care and appreciate this kid but I think I’d need a whole other podcast episode for that.” 

“Might as well give you guys another episode to gush about each other,” Chris says with a chuckle. 

“Well, the next podcast episode will be a Nick and Finn exclusive guys! Be on the lookout for it.” Matt exclaims as he points at the camera in front of him. 

“Okay, don’t put that out there. Doing this shit was anxiety-inducing enough. We’ll feed the people when we feed like feeding them.” Nick says, his statement earning a small head nod from Finn. 

“Nick and Finn content soon guys!” Finn exclaims with a wide smile.

The TikTok continues for a little while longer with various clips of the couple being shown as Daylight plays more loudly. Nick and Finn take a moment to scroll through the latter’s for you page, the sight of the support from hundreds of fan pages bringing large smiles to their faces. 

“I think this was a success, don’t you think?” Finn asks as he shuts his phone off and reaches over to set it on the nightstand.

“I completely agree,” Nick replies with a small head nod. As Finn returns to his previous spot against the headboard, Nick wordlessly moves the blanket further down his legs to lay down on his lap. “Should we do a photo dump later?” 

“If you want, it’s your call.” Nick nods his head and abruptly stops when Finn begins to card his fingers through his hair. The redhead can’t help but the large smile creeping onto his lips as he subconsciously leans into his boyfriend’s hand, his actions drawing a smile from the taller who’s gazing down at him. 

“Thank you for being with me.” 

“Oh, Nick.” Finn bends down to land a soft kiss on Nick’s temple. “I should be thanking you, to be honest.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Nick mumbles. The male takes a moment to flip onto his stomach and bury his face in Finn’s bare thigh. “Let me be sappy please.” 

Finn softly laughs at the male, “Alright, alright.” 

As Nick begins to land light kisses on Finn’s thigh, the latter begins to drag his fingertips up and down the younger’s bare back. The moment Nick feels the male’s fingers lightly brush against his skin, he tenses up with a choked giggle. 

“Finn…” Nick warns, “Don’t fucking start I swear to God.” 

“I’m not doing anything?” Finn asks, his eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as he dips his head down to glance at the male in his lap. 

“Finn, you know damn well what you’re doing.” 

“Do you want me to stop? I will if you want me to.” 

“No, no!” Nick quickly reaches an arm back to grab Finn’s hand when he pulls away. “I didn’t mean to sound harsh or anything, I promise. It just feels really weird.” 

“Oh,” Finn mumbles with a small chuckle. “So can I continue?” When Nick nods his head and returns to his spot in Finn’s thigh, the latter continues his previous actions. 

The two sat there for the remainder of the day, their energy levels boosted up to the max simply by being in each other’s presence. Both boys finally had a weight they’d had on their shoulders for a month lifted off their backs and they couldn’t be happier. They finally felt free to do whatever they wanted couple-wise and knew that the fans would eat up all the content they gave them. They were forever grateful for the fans and made sure they were plenty aware of the fact through a few ‘thank you’ posts made on their public stories. 

In all, both Finn and Nick continued to stay happy with one another. They relied on each other constantly and were always there for one another. Nothing was getting in between the couple, their bond was simply unbreakable. Yes, they still had a long way to go in terms of their relationship but they were very content with where they are right now. Considering how the full story of how these two boys met and stole each other's hearts has finally ended on a happy note, most would believe that this would be the end. 

But that is not the case for Nick and Finn. 

Who says that there will stop being more content just because their series has ended? Their story has just started! 

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:· TagList ·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·

@freshloveforthefit @thenickgirl @patscorner @frankdelreyy @sturnssan @kileybankzz @robins-scoop @miloisdone1 @rootbeerworshiper @rubyperic-09 @teenagetrash00 @maryx2xx

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[thecherrytarot]

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲.

pick a line to read a channeled message from your person.

listen to : like crazy by park jimin

pile 1 "I think we could last forever"

pile 2 "I'm afraid that everything will disappear"

pile 3 "Just trust me"

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏 "𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫"

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐 "𝐈'𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫"

if you felt drawn to pile 3 make sure to check it out as well!

"hey there! don't you know it? I'm the one for you, your lover, your other half, your reflection, your king. I will come to save you, I know this sounds so filmy and cheesy but I will come and save you from that locked tower that feels like is always on fire, don't worry I won't let those flames hurt you ever again. I'll help you with every single thing you worry about and fix them for you, oh wait you don't want me do to that? Alright, I understand that you need to grow on your own but I will help you cause that's what friends and lovers do. They help the people that they care about. Don't feel afraid that you might fall back down through this journey, I'm right behind you, I'll catch you. Let's go ride bicycles and don't worry I'll teach you how to do that properly. My friends call me a simp and say that I am down bad for you they are correct about that no lie but they are wrong about how 'cold' you are towards them. They do not know you as I do, they do not know that you just have your guard up but because you have doubts about trusting your gut instinct, they don't know about your anxiety or how shaky your hands get when talking to strangers but fear not I am here, I'll rub your hands when they shiver, ill do the talking and encourage you to do that, I know you don't feel confident about the language that I speak but dont worry ill help you with that too and im good at correcting peoples grammar lol. Something about our connection makes me feel that this was meant to be, the decisions we made were made for us to meet that day or in your words 'god brought us together as a blessing and an apology for the things that we went through.'"

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑 "𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐞"

i feel like many of you thought of your crush/ partner instead of your future spouse, then take however it resonates.

"I have so much to say, you are my favourite topic and also cause I have ADHD and I get hyperactive very easily. Anyway, I feel like you doubt our connection, you doubt if I am the one for you or are you the one for me and heck I even think you were doubting if this pile was for you aha got you, sorry I love teasing you and bothering you, you are just so cute and I love it when your eyes get big when you are surprised because of me, are they big now hehe let me take a picture fake clicking noises see? this is what happens when you date an introvert lol anyway back to the message I have so many doubts, they are filling my head and I can't sleep because of them no no don't worry they aren't always negative they are random but not the point sorry I keep getting distracted but what is the rating of this cause sometimes my thoughts get wild iykwim. I love the way you care for me, ask me in your sweet voice if I slept well or not and when I say no, I love how you let me rest my head on your chest and play with my hair cause you know that relaxes me. I had the best naps of my life in your arms. Please don't leave me, I am afraid that you will someday and I won't get to marry you as I have planned and no i don't wanna marry my games i want to marry you (not my games lol) sometimes i wonder if you feel like this too, these doubts of overthinking and our possible marriage. i feel like you do, so let's hopefully meet and talk about this topic and get it out of our system cause a little birdie told me that it helps."

" 'Just trust me' what a beautiful line, that's me saying that to you just trust me also look for pile 1, there are also messages for us there. I am a mess. I am losing my courage please come find me. I don't know what to do, I thought I would be fine but I am not. I have everything I wanted but this emptiness…it doesn't go away. I have been lonely for so long that I thought I would get used to it but I am not. I don't mind being alone but I mind not having someone to share my happiness, my sadness, my random fun facts, or just anything. I want to have my own family with you and maybe even kids but at the same time, I am afraid. I am so scared that our kids will end up like me and I don't want that to happen, I want our kids to love me and I want them to talk to me about their lives too, I had to cut off contact with my folks and I will never be able to live myself if our kids do the same with me. I am sorry I know I'm only talking about myself when this is supposed to be about you but what can I do? now that I have a chance to talk I'll say what I want to say in real life but am too scared to do so. When I am with you, you are all I can think of. I forget about my worries, my problems and these thoughts and just focus on you explaining something new that you learned today, it is so cute that you get so eager to tell me about it and I love it so much when you say things like 'oh i thought of you when i read/saw this and couldn't wait to tell you about it' it makes me feel so many things and i have never felt so happy. But when you leave those dark thoughts come back to me and haunt me. I feel scared to show you this part of me, you have an image of me being stable in your head and I don't want to taint it by showing you signs of weakness, I was never allowed to do that was i was young. I am sure you are aware that i struggle with my own shit, and i love that you don't force me to open up and patiently wait for me to do so cause you don't like it either when people force you to talk about your problems. Don't worry that day will come sooner than you think and our love will only grow stronger just trust me"

[thewertsearch]

GG: aaaaa please dont tell anyone i told you about him! […] CA: settle dowwn jade youre radically underestimatin the amount of shit i dont givve about this […] CA: i got bigger ships to sink and soon wwhen im good and ready me and my luminous fuckin science stick havve got a date wwith jack noir

Seems like Eridan's planning to join Vriska.

Correction - he's planning to rejoin Vriska.

If he's trying to restart their kismesissitude, he's going to be sorely disappointed. Vriska is out of his league, and not just as a romantic partner. She's a god, and he's an angry kid with a wand who represents no threat whatsoever to Noir.

CA: wwhys this matter so hush hush anywway GG: he didnt want me to tell my friends who he really was […] GG: he was so nice, and it really did feel like i was talking to family, so i really dont think he was making it up

I think your intuition is correct, but that doesn't mean he's specifically your grandson. After all, 'family' is a term which can encompass all sorts of relationships.

GG: i couldnt help but try to imagine his parents… GG: and more interestingly……. GG: his grandfather :O

Even if he is your grandson, that doesn't necessarily mean he has a grandfather. As far as I can tell, there's no reason why the Veil's DNA-mixing machine couldn't merge the genes of two women.

For all we know, Pen-Pal could have four biological grandmothers!

CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be GG: do you even have those? if you dont have parents how could you? CA: no wwe dont knoww our direct forebears and im pretty sure any attempt to seek out or evven inquire about the supplier of your genes wwould be a fine wway to get yourself killed

I didn't think a troll's genes had an individual supplier.

Based on the fact that their genetic material is combined in the Mother Grub, I've been assuming that each troll is created from a large number of 'parents', whose DNA is mixed in the Mother's stomach.

Obviously, our Sgrub trolls are going to be an exception to this rule, since the game presumably cloned them from twelve Guardians - but Eridan seems to be implying that all trolls have an individual parent.

This doesn't align at all with what we know about troll reproduction. There also seems to be a certain amount of secrecy surrounding this process, since Eridan thinks you'd be killed for looking into it. Is there some sort of conspiracy at play?

CA: but wwevve got our lore and it says wwe all got indivvidual ancestors wwho contribute to most of our genes abovve and beyond wwhat the grubs slurry does

Alright, that makes a little more sense. So trolls are derived from a large mixture of DNA, but they have one true 'parent' who contributes the lion's share of genetic data.

Maybe an embryonic troll starts off as a clone of this parent, and other trolls' genes are slowly spliced into it as it develops.

Again, for the Sgrub trolls, things are a little different. We have reason to believe they were cloned in sets of three, implying that each of them has three genetic donors. Perhaps, then, they each inherited the majority of their DNA from one of these trolls - their 'ancestor' - and only share a small number of genes with the other two.

These ancestors have been mentioned before - quite a while ago, now - and I think they may be the key to solving a major mystery of the Hivebent arc.

Namely, Aradia mentioned her ancestors, and seemed to believe she was following their orders. When Scratch's plans started to reveal themselves, I assumed that he was the one directing Aradia, and was only pretending to be these unseen forebears.

With this new revelation, however, I'm forced to reconsider my stance. What if the Voices were those of the ancestors?

What if Aradia was being instructed by the troll Guardians all along?

[popcornforone]

DECEMBER

A part of the Marcus Pike Fan Fic Diary

Masterlist

November

It’s here

The final entry of the Marcus Pike Diary & if I’m honest I’m really gonna miss the soft writing for him. He has finally got the life he deserved & I want to thank you all for coming on the 12 month journey with me. It’s been a pleasure. Please check out the Masterlist for the rest of the story.

Synopsis:- You have to convince Marcus to go wreath making.

Word count:- 800

Warnings:- DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18! Swearing, alcohol, pregnancy(dont worry they don’t drink) piv Dex, teasing, pda, extremely fluffy & romantic, remember this is a diary so it’s all I.

Thank you all so much for reading the Diary. It’s really appreciated.

Marcus wasnt keen when I booked this up back in August, just before we went on holiday. He was like why do we need to do this. But today it all paid off & he’s been excited to do this for the last week.

We went wreath making. The little craft shop 2 blocks away does festive nights & I thought this would be the perfect chill evening for us both. I’ve done one with friends a couple of years ago & he said it was the best wreath ever, but this year I said we should both go. A nice couples evening.

We weren’t the only couple there. It was a mix of friendship groups, couples & sibling. All listening intently to the instructions. Marcus of course thought he was all over this. 5 mins in he was swearing.

“Fuck” he said after the 3rd Holly sprig poked him. “Bloody holly” he said having a sip of his champagne. He’s happy I’m pregnant, means he can drink & not worry, because I will be happy to drive him home. I mean he’s happy I’m pregnant for lots of reasons obviously but it means we don’t have to pay for taxis this holiday season.

“Language Marcus” I said not shouting when I drew blood a few minutes later.

“I just want it to be perfect baby” he said kissing my neck. Marcus is loving the PDA at the moment. Something about my bump showing is making him even more loving that usual. Or is it just my breast looking so fabulous & full.

80 minutes in & the hard part of the wreath was done. Holly, pines, eucalyptus, Christmas tree, all sorts of green Shrubbery covered them. Now it was time to decorate.

“Do you trust me Marcus?” I said as I went to go get items for us to put on the wreaths.

“Always baby” he said as he moved into another glass of fizz. His eyes widened when he saw how much stuff I brought back. “That’s a lot” he chuckles.

“Yes it is but I have an idea” I said. “We use all the same main materials but for the bells, stars, candy canes & glitter one of us uses pink & the other blue” he smiles.

“Oooh that’s a good idea” he says “hang on thought you didn’t want a gender reveal party” he said looking confused as we had talked about this.

“I don’t but it your family & mine will be together at your parents cabin for Christmas. We will know next week what we are having so we can arrive at the cabin & present them all with the correct colour wreath & the other one can be on our door at home.” Marcus kisses my forehead. His hand coved in sap from sorting out the greenary rubs my now showing bump.

“Clever girl” he says.

“I have my moment.”

Once our wreaths are made & we both look at them happily we take a photo of us holding them both wondering what we will be blessed with.

“Are you going to post all of your pregnancy on Instagram” he joked as we made our way back to our places once it was all over.

“Not all of it”

“Well seems like you have so far”

“Do you want me to post some of those naughty photos we took in the waterfall baby & that lagoon so everyone knows where bump was conceived” he turned bright red.

“True but I think when we get home I’m gonna need a reminder.”

I love my evening baths at the moment I’m having 2 a week & usually Marcus joins me for one a fortnight. Tonight was that night. The candles at the end of the bath. Soft rnb playing. How I sat in his lap. The way he washed my with the sponge. The way I feel so sensitive every time he pushes inside me. His fingers on my clit as I turn my head back to nip & kiss at his ear & neck. Soft moans as we slowly grind together. The water enhancing my pleasure. He still loves to pleasure me. Says even when I’m gonna be to tired & not physically able to be thrust into that he will still lick me out, make my pussy pur & make his face glisten. He loves me & he loves that my body is glowing with pregnancy.

I can’t believe the year is almost up diary. I’m now sat in bed while he does to make me a honey & hot water drink to have before bed. When he said new year new us back on New Year’s Eve, im not sure I really believed him. But I now know that next year will be a new beginning all over again.

I’m so happy with my life, my bump & my Marcus Pike. The man I would do anything for. My rock, my souls mate, my man.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?

[animentality]

I feel the reason why we don’t see a lot of people in the fandom who loudly hate durgetash or durgetash shippers (compared to the very loud backlash against people who, for example, headcanon Asterian as a doting father family man or etc) is that I think the Durgetash delusion is just kind of. Easy to understand? In general. Even for people who dont like or ship it. Like even though it’s very much a delusion built out of random scraps of game lore and notes and character animations, I feel like those scraps are so generically Compelling that it’s easy can see how people actually got here, way more than other obviously delusional ships in other fandoms. Or even in this one. Like you can’t really explain from anything in game why you think Asterian would make a good father (no offense to anyone on that grind 😭). But you can point to the prayer for forgiveness and Gortash’s unique animations when talking to Durge specifically, and recognise at LEAST what got people started, if not the fanon that followed.

Ironically this could ALSO be delusional on my part lol like maybe I’m just not seeing it somehow, but genuinely I have not noticed anywhere near the amount of discourse over Durgetash as I would expect from a similar ship in literally any other fandom. So I have just been trying to think about why! Is the delusion ultimately that sympathetic or are we just so in our own bubble that people don’t even know?

(Especially when Gortash himself is so very hated by most normal players for VERY correct reasons. Like he is SO hate-able. And I do see tons of posts of people saying they don’t get why people like him, but never to the level of what I would consider discourse. My Karlach-loving ass sure hated him until I played Durge and paid more attention to him and learned to enjoy him more from that funny gay villain angle, while still maintaining that Karlach and the Gondians and every refugee in the outer city deserve to beat him into a pulp ultimately - but I feel thats a common origin story for durgetashers lol)

You missed the outcry over the Franc letter being edited, huh?

We had a good couple of days of "Gortash isn't bisexual" discourse.

It's the most rowdy I've ever seen the fandom.

But you're correct in that Astarion fans will always be louder.

Gortash is evil and he's harder to woobify.

Doesn't mean we won't do it, though.

As for the general reason for Durgetash not being as intense as other ships, well.

How many people really play the Dark Urge?

Not many, I'd warrant. How many people care about Gortash at all?

Not many.

Now how many ship those two together....a good number, but it's still a small population, compared to the Astarion, Gale, Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Karlach fans out there.

So it's just smaller, is all.

We try not to elbow each other too much, or we'll crowd crush in the broom closet of the hospital we're all crammed in, as Astarion fans are brought into Emergency Care after a night down in the discourse mines.

[bordadoneuronal]

bad english btw, not my first language

(note im correcting some words my bad, it was like 2am i think.)

hi, i know this is an art account and im mostly inactive, but i also kinda rant about stuff. sometimes.

so i guess everyone saw the natlan teaser... it was disappointing.

i'm a white latino, first of all, so if im wrong in any statement about the issue feel free to correct me. im also mostly talking about the latin american stuff in the characters. its important for every individual being educated about the racism and colorism to be more conscious about the problems in our society and being able to make a difference.

now first of all, i was fucking annoyed when all the leaks of pyro archon were an spanish colonizer, its fucking disrespectful and the worse part was some people on twitter saying "well i think it could be a good idea if she was a colonizer because..." oh my god, shut up. its 2024 i need everyone to stop romanticizing the colonization.

hoyoverse racism and colorism isnt new at all. you got carole and her mother from honkai impact 3rd, one being ashamed of her skintone and the other being a racist stereotype for what i read. arlan from star rail, with his bad kit (also read on twitter his kit actually have racist references about the slavery.)

all the sumeru controversy both orientalism and colorism. correct me if im wrong but im very sure in the last sumeru area quest that lamp was racist with jeht. kandake being whitewashed in every aspect and just being a 4*

as sucrose's va, valeria said on twitter i dont mind mixing cultures, but if youre gonna do that, do it respectfully and do a proper research.

theres no fucking way they whitewashed and disrespected deities and gods from native cultures LIKE THAT. friendly reminder that its actually Olorun and no ororon. (and for leaks i read, theyre giving this character the 'candace' treatment.)

more i read more it get worse, why the pyro archon doesnt look like shes from natlan? (this taking in mind her outfit) brother she looks like some fontaine or mond character, are you kidding me? its like hoyoverse just refuse to make their archons like they actually represent the culture theyre based in. (very sure it also happened with nahida.)

you just dont choose to present specifically pre-colonization era and make all the characters that are supposed to be native WHITE.

im also tired of some latinos saying "we're not all black here" and we are not all white here. latam has many POC no matter what country is. afro-latinos exist, native people exist, stop denying their existence.

to be honest i knew hoyoverse would try to sell us another dehya, cyno and say "loook we have tanned skin characters" my ass.

please, consider to boycott hoyoverse. this isnt fair at all for latin american and black culture. its something that has been asked since sumeru, its fair also include how south asians were disrespected during sumeru release. write about this topic in the surveys. (also remember theyre collaborating with kfc, a target of boycott for all the situation in palestine, if im not wrong.)

and for all my fellow latinos, dont just stay in "oh well... but its the first time we get represented in games like this without being a joke." i get it, i also like when latinos are represented in media, but hoyoverse isnt doing a better job than all the stereotypes gringos put to us.

thats all. stop romanticizing colonization. read for a bit, it wont take you more than 5 minutes to understand how horrible it is.

[pillarsalt]

Seconding that last ask about pretending that gendies' straight relationships are gay ughhh one of my best friends is non binary and getting more aggressive about it lately (meaning that i have to bend over backwards every two seconds to use the correct pronouns, since our language literally doesnt have a neutral one) and i have to hear her rants about how MUCH she hates her disgusting female body and how shes different from a woman bc she doesnt align with feminity and that all her boyfriends have been actually gay for dating her AND pretend 1) that i dont take all that harmful discourse regarding being a woman at heart and 2) that i dont hurt from seeing her like this because i really love her. Its. Exhausting. SORRY this got long i just dk what to do 😭

oh my goddd the whole thing with nonbinary women and the fixation on the men they sleep with being gay because gender... it's crazy, the desire to control the sexual orientations of others seems like a pattern in the trans community, although obviously some are worse than others. I mean it matches the fixation on controlling how others perceive them in their private minds, ie. "we can tell when you're just using our pronouns to be polite and you don't actually SEE us as our stated gender" like anyone's private thoughts are your business? Controlling what we can say out loud isn't enough?

(Kind of a tangent: but a while ago I remember jeffrey marsh making a video with his male partner ((idr if they're married)), talking about how when jeffrey's identity changed from man to nonbinary, the partner's had as well, because he wasn't identifying as gay anymore. He had always perceived himself to be gay, it was a big part of his identity through his life, but he loves Jeffrey, and Jeffrey is no longer a man, and gay men love men, therefore he can't be gay. The guy looked so dejected and jeffrey kept having to persuade him to talk. Does anyone else remember this? I wonder if I can find the video. ((Obviously the straight girls with their gay boyfriends are a very different scenario.)) )

Anyway, I feel your pain, the thing with the pronouns I can't even imagine. The pure narcissism of complicating the simple act of speaking for everyone around you, making sure everyone expends a little extra brain power when talking to or about you... simply because you say so! Boggling.

Unfortunately, as I said on the last ask, not much you can do. It is very very hard to convince someone so entrenched in it to hear you out, and obviously you don't want to lose her, there's no great solution. The best thing you can do is to be there for her if and when she comes around to reality. It might be good if you guys could do some kind of activities together that have nothing to do with gender shit, ideally outdoors. The less time spent scrolling and ruminating, the better. But most importantly, take care of yourself, and don't take any shit either. You seem like a good friend, I hope things work out eventually.

[justanotherdrfan]

WELCOME ALL DANNY FANGIRLS TO YOUR INSTALMENT OF DANIEL RICCIARDO’S DTS BREAKDOWN! 🍯🦡

I’m leaving this one open since you all skipped straight to this episode! (I waited and I don’t know how)😂

S6E9 (Three’s a Crowd)

GIF by @arturleclerc

DANNNNNNNNYYY BOYYY 😍😍😍😍😍😍

He’s already laughing (god I love him)

‘Alright, what’s up?, Daniel Ricardo, this is season six drive to survive, and yes I’m back’ (fangirling HARD)

WAIT HE WAS IN SYDNEY, HE WAS IN FUCKING SYDNEY (why did no one tell me I would have called sick at work)

Daniel and Blake I really wish you went ahead with that podcast because you two are poetic chaos together

Cue another Daniel montage (they have his whole discography on file don’t they?)

He looks so fucking tried though

Logan and Alex talking about DTS frothing at the mouth about Daniel returning is the most factually, correct thing I’ve ever heard 😂

Logan: ‘All I know is the most excited people when Danny Ricciardo came back was Netflix.’

Alex: ‘I literally think they had to change their pants three times. I know the episode already. Let…let me run it through. Ready? Here we have Danny Ricciardo watching on the sidelines. “Yeah, it hurts to not be racing.” Then all of a sudden, pans to Nyck de Vries. Lock up. [imitates brakes screeching]. Off the track. Crash. Oh shit! Boom. Fast-forward. Silverstone. Test. Daniel Ricciardo. Super quick. [laughs] Danny looking at it like…big smile on his face. “It is what it is. You know?” [man]“I never left” “I never left. I’m back,baby. Honey Badger. Don’t give a shit.” (Hire him now DTS because he nailed that)

Fuck why they got to follow that shit with Zandvoort though

Daniel whoring about in his Enchante tattoo thigh high shorts

“Feels right. Feels good” (It sure does Danny is sure does)

EVERYONE LOVES DANIEL

And they get him straight to a photoshoot to whore him out

THEY DID NOT USE HIM WINKING IN THE INTRO (da fuck you lot doing? Give the people what they want)

Yes Christian 2025 prospect (he’s a shoe in ahh? See what I did there) 😉👟🍾

FUCK YOU MICAHEL ITALIANO (why is he getting air time) I’m glad he’s left F1

OHH NO OHH NO OHH NO NO NO NO NO NO

IM CRYING AGAIN. I CRIED WHEN IT HAPPENED AND IM CRYING AGAIN

Ohh they have his X-ray

Clairey bear

Cue Liam Lawson (I do love you but I missed Danny terribly)

The others telling Liam to be prepared (this is very welcome to our toxic work environment)

‘She doesn’t even go here’ (a Danica story)

Liam out qualifies all the red bull drivers (yes kiddo)

DANNY BACKS (SCREWS AND ALL) for engineering purposes only

Umm why are you hurting him? DONT TOUCH HIM! (Look yes I know it’s physiotherapy and he needs it. But I’ve broken my hand before the left one as well and driving a normal road car caused me to cry in pain so when I say don’t touch him I mean it)

I SWEAR TO GOD ZAK YOU STAY THEY HELL AWAY FROM HIM

Checo clips Yuki and he’s out (he probably thought it was Daniel trying to take his seat. It’s his in 2025 mate there’s no fighting it)

Ohh look Alpine with reliability issues (things you continue to see)

Yes DTS let’s show Russel’s crash from another angle 😂

POINTS FOR LIAM 🎉🥳

Are we positive he was in Sydney and not Perth?

Yes king SWEAT SWEAT SWEAT

Yuki GP time

Not Suzuka having Daniel, Yuki and Liam on all the banners

Poor Yuki being overwhelmed by the fans. I understand fans being excited but he’s cornered in the car and clearly doesn’t feel safe (and for Michael to be like it’s ok the fans are happy is actually the problem at hand. His and all the drivers safety has to come first and he point blank didn’t feel safe you arsehole Michael so it’s not okay)

Yuki honey it’s okay Liam not going to hit you

If we can’t have an Aussie a Kiwi will do

Liam finding out Daniel’s and Yuki are getting announced for 2024 🥺

Liam mate I’m sorry you deserve better

Mexi-coooooo

HES BACK BACK

Yes yes your P10 in the constructors (just you wait, just you fucking wait)

Checo out before turn 1 (its AUSGP all over again)

Ohh look another McLaren/Alpha Tauri incident 😤

No McLaren the plan is not to attack Daniel (haven’t you fucking done enough?)

P7 BABBYYYYYY

ENCHANTE, MON AMI

See your P8 now (told you to wait and see)

Yes Christian, Daniel did drive a good race (remember that and who didn’t)

Look at him and his little moustache

Will: ‘ I think this is only part one of a far wider story.’ (Yes 2024 season will be epic for Danny Ric)

[thebisexualdogdad]

hi! love your writting, super glad you're keeping the male reader tag alive- there's so few of those out here.

prompts:

39. tell me something i dont know about you

+ "when im with you i feel like myself. i feel like every side of me is present and accepted. and i feel good about it- i feel good about who i am when im with you"

with Stiles x ftm reader?

fluffy & a little hurt comfort-y, with Stiles letting the reader know that despite dysphoria, he sees him exactly the way he wants to be seen.

thanks!

Stiles Stilinski x FTM!reader

You and Stiles had been friends since you were in diapers, your dads worked together so when they found out they were both expecting kids around the same time it was basically fate that brought you two together.

You finally started dating your freshman year of high school, Stiles had been crushing on you since kindergarten after all and Scott was the one who talked him into actually telling you how he felt but two years later when you were ready to come out as trans he was who you were most terrified of telling.

You're laying in his bed, just cuddling and listening to music, weeks have gone by and you still haven't found the right words to tell him the truth.

"Have you ever thought about how crazy it is that we've literally known each other our entire lives?" Stiles states.

"No one knows me better than you do," you reply despite knowing you have a huge secret you're keeping from him.

"There has to be something left to learn still, come on Y/N tell me something I don't know about you," he chuckles.

You're silent for a moment, Stiles believing you're just thinking really hard to find some weird obscure fact about yourself but finally you reply with, "when I'm with you I feel like myself. I feel like every side of me is present and accepted and I feel good about it- I feel good about who I am when I'm with you."

"Woah that was unexpectedly deep, where did that come from?" Stiles laughs.

You sit up, Stiles suddenly getting concerned at the change of energy in the room.

"There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while now and I don't know how you're gonna take it," you say nervously.

"Hey, you know you can tell me anything," he says rubbing your arm to try to comfort you.

"Stiles… I'm trans," you blurt out.

Stiles looks at you for a moment trying to process what you said, "okay… can you tell me what that means exactly for you?"

"I uh… never really felt like a girl you know even as a kid but it wasn't until about a year ago when I realized that what I was feeling was gender dysphoria."

"So you're a guy?" He asks.

"Yeah I am," you say looking away from him assuming he wouldn't want to be with you anymore.

Stiles puts his hands on your cheek and gently tilts your face to look at him again, softly kissing you.

"You aren't mad at me?" You question.

"Of course not," he assures you, "I love you, I have since we were five years old and nothing will ever change that. I see you for exactly who you are and if you say you're a guy then that's awesome, no matter what I will always love you."

You just smile and kiss him again, feeling the love radiating off of him.

"Have you told anyone else?" He asks.

"No you're the first person I wanted to tell."

"Do you want me to be there when you tell people cause I will fight anyone who doesn't support my boyfriend," he says.

"I like when you call me that," you chuckle.

"You mean my boyfriend? Better get to used it cause I'm going to be telling everyone that I have the coolest boyfriend in the world," he smiles, pulling you in close and laying you guys back in the bed to cuddle again.

Of course it took him some time to adjust but he really was the rock in your support system and even spent an entire week pulling all nighters researching how to be the best ally and partner to you.

He was there for you when you told your parents and your friends, he helped you picked out a new name and was always the first to correct anyone who used your dead name or the wrong pronouns.

You couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.