#and we're in this together. until the fucking end no matter what happens. as I've said him and dark urge will have each other in the end

[eldrichthingy]

How do people even get rejected by Astarion because I have no idea- in each playthrough I have now he's the first to ask my Dark Urge out 😭😭 even on good alignment and even having him constantly disapprove (still having good - very good - perfect relationship though depending on save)...

[xxsabitoxx]

Fushiguro Megumi hates it when you get injured.

Something about it, no matter how big or small the injury is, just gets under his skin and pisses him off. Which comes off has him being mad at you, unfortunately. It’s not his intention, fuck no, he’s just so upset it happened in the first place.

It’s not till you get injured bad that you realize he’s not mad at you, rather, he’s mad at himself. There is a lingering guilt in Megumi’s eyes when you get hurt, as if he failed you.

“You know this isn’t your fault, right?” You had questioned late one night, laying in an infirmary bed with an IV in your arm because Shoko’s technique and the curse’s attack were not working well together. Meaning you were on strict bed rest until you were fully healed. Megumi hated that too, of course.

He didn’t answer, instead he flipped the page of his book with pursed lips. “I’m talking to you, Meg. It’s rude to ignore.” That got to him, closing his book slowly as he dragged his eyes up the bed to look at you. “You know this isn’t your fault, right?”

You repeated your previous statement, knowing he heard you the first time but he wouldn’t answer unless you asked again. “Yeah.” His tone was low, not convincing whatever. “Liar.” You shot back, moving your arm to rub your tired eyes.

Megumi watched the tube move with you, the dark liquid slowly dripping from the bag down the line and into your veins. “I’m not lying.” He nearly spat, anger bubbling in his gut at the sight of the retched medical machinery you were hooked too.

You sighed, “I’m sorry for getting hurt. I know it’s frustrating and all but li-“ but Megumi was cutting you off with a near incredulous look. “What?” Was all he said, leaving you to blink at him as you tried to wrap your head around his confusion.

“Y-you’re mad cause I’m careless, right? Because I keep weighing you down by getting myself injured?” You stated this as if it were factual, watching Megumi’s face morph into one of genuine bewilderment and mild offense.

“No?! What the fuck makes you think that?!”

"Because... you don't talk to me for like three days after the fact?" Megumi couldn't exactly fight you on that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it really did come off that way. "I...shit no that's not..." he tossed his book on your bed, hands coming up to rub his face as he tried to collect his thoughts.

"I'm not mad at you. I've never once been mad at you for getting injured. I just..." he sighed, turning to look at you now "...I just get frustrated with myself. I don't like seeing you hurt, it makes me feel like I didn't do enough. Then, I sit here promising myself to do better for you the next time we go out on a mission together, and then we end up right back here. With you in a hospital bed."

Megumi's face had turned a shade of pink. He always felt fidgety having these kinds of conversations. Especially with you, especially about his feelings. "Oh..." you started, mulling over his words carefully before sighing. "You can't beat yourself up over this stuff, Megumi. It's my life and my choice to be a sorcerer. Getting hurt is part of the job." You watched him shift in his chair.

"I know it's part of the job. I just don't like seeing you get hurt. Especially when I'm supposed to be supporting you. We're supposed to look out for each other on these missions and I keep failing you." Megumi's eyes darted anywhere around the room, hands folding neatly as he tried not to seem nervous.

"Megumi." You stated it bluntly, praying he'd look up. He did, of course, he did. For some reason, he couldn't deny you when you said his name like that. "C'mere." you whispered, motioning him to sit on the edge of your bed. He listened, getting up to move the small distance and trying his best to keep you stable as the bed dipped.

"You can't go on with your life quietly beating yourself up for things that are out of your control... and mine for that matter." Your hand carefully reaches up to touch his cheek, smiling at the warmth burning under your fingertips. Megumi looks at you, head-turning reluctantly. "I love you too much to let you feel guilty."

Quiet. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The look on Megumi's face was utterly priceless. Pure disbelief. No way he heard you correctly. His tired mind and sore back must be playing tricks on him. "You... what?" He croaked, brows furrowing in denial. You smile, huffing out a laugh. "I said I love you, Megumi."

He wasn't sure how to act in that moment. Every word he could think of was fizzling out before it could reach his mouth. Instead of killing himself trying to respond verbally, Megumi did the only thing he could think of. A surprised squeak left you as his lips pressed against yours, hands shaking as they gingerly cupped your cheeks.

The kiss itself lasted maybe twenty seconds, leaving you a little breathless from being unprepared as he pulled away. "I... guess that means you love me too?" you teased him, a grin on your face. Softly, Megumi huffed out a laugh before responding.

"Yeah, it means I love you too."

Started this a few days ago and didn’t even realize it was Megumi’s birthday today! So, happy birthday, Meg :)

Hope you enjoyed! - May

[jaysgirlx]

Can you do a fic based off of https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRcsG8Yu/ this TikTok when Jason and reader was talking and it got deep and he joked about off!ng himself and the reader sits with him all night just in case he wasn’t joking? Please? I love your writing so much and if this is a touchy topic feel free to ignore or correct. Have a nice day!

❝ 𝐈’𝐌 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ❞

❥ pairing: jason todd x civilian f!reader

❥ summary: Jason and you are close, you always have been so close that you thought you knew him well enough to read his mind except you're wrong about that, and what you learn ends up scaring you more.

❥ warnings: mentions of death/suicide/afterlife, reminiscing of torture, heavy angst, little fluff, happy ending

❥ wc: 1.5k

Your fingers, combed through Jason's black locks while he focused his attention on you. The two of you had moments on these where you sat together in a comfortable silence. They tended to happen when one of you was upset, usually you but tonight you could tell something was wrong with Jason. So you kept quiet and let him rest. You didn't know if late nights like these would last forever.

"How long are you going to play with my hair princess?"

"Until you tell me what's wrong Jay"

Again you both fell into a silence. This time it was awkward like maybe you should've played dumb but it was too late night to think that. Jason sighed and sat up on your couch and laid his head on your lap. You tried to remove your hand from his hair but he gave this look like this is what he needed at least for tonight.

You weren't sure if or when you and Jason had crossed the friend boundary. The two of you obviously had not slept together but you had kissed numerous times. Sometimes when he was anxious you'd kiss him just to calm him down and it worked, except for the fact you'd end up making out. Or when he would go on patrol and you were worried he would kiss you and then he'd end up cuddling you till you slept off. The kisses you both shared were like little reassurances of love. Though the two of you never actually spoke about what they really meant.

You had wanted to for the longest time but you didn't because in the end you always knew that Jason cared for you. You could tell by the way he always left you breakfast when he had to leave while you were asleep or by the way he'd walk you home if you had decided to work overtime. Jason cared in his own little way and you take what you got especially since he made the best pancakes.

"I fought with Bruce today, he took Dick's side on something and I just got mad…I know they both care, but it doesn't feel like it sometimes y'know? It still feels like they're Batman and Nightwing and I'm still Robin" He stopped himself from speaking further like if he spoke more, he'd say something he'd regret. Jason didn't want to drop all his problems on you because he knew you would listen and he knew you'd comfort him. You did so much for him and was slightly worried he was becoming too much. Jason didn't want to become a burden to you, he enjoyed spending time with you and he didn't wan to fuck that up.

"I've always got your side Jay if that helps and you're not Robin anymore okay and regardless of that, Robin didn't make you…well you" you say, caressing his face. "You're just you Jay and if they've got a problem with you well then they have a problem with me"

"Well, I think I hate myself if I'm being honest" Those words made your hands stop and now you started to really listen. You knew Jason wasn't exactly happy with his life but you didn't think he hated himself. He was so cocky all the time that you couldn't even fathom the idea of him hating himself. "These days getting up in the mornings is so difficult and a good night's rest…I don't remember the last time I had one"

"Well I think we all can relate to that, life kinda sucks for all of us Jay. Everything we do is out of our hands and it seems like no matter how hard we try we're never fully just happy"

"You got that right, the last time I was really happy was…well nevermind, But sometimes I think about killing myself"

"Well I mean we all have, I thought about it a couple of times when work gets hard but-

"No y/n, I mean like really killing myself, like just putting my gun to my head and that's it." He laughs but you still don't manage to find it funny. "I know damn well there will be plenty of people who will probably find it pretty, my brains splattered everywhere and my body lifeless"

"I'd really prefer you'd not do that Jay"

"Okay but in all seriousness-"

"I don't want to hear this Jay"

"I'd want you to plan my funeral, you'd make it beautiful and hopefully not gloomy"

"Jay is this a funny matter, stop joking around"

"I doubt there's an afterlife, seeing that I did die once and I don't remember any floating gates or firey pits"

"Jay please stop it"

"C'mon we both know without you, I'd be better off-"

"No." you said and it came out broken. Jason looked up at you, you weren't playing with his hair anymore, you were crying. He tried to reach up and your tears away but you pushed away his hand. He hadn't meant to upset you, he didn't mean it. Well, he did but he wasn't going to, not when you still cared for him. You were what he was living for. "No, you can't do that Jay"

He again tries to wipe your tears and this time you let him, he sits up and kisses your forehead wishing he had never said anything. You were his world and all he could ever ask for. Without you, who would be there for him after a bad run on patrol? or when his nightmares would start coming back? Deep down Jason Todd is scared of living, he's scared of living without you. "I won't sweetheart, I won't, I promise. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that"

Now he's holding you and rubbing your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. The two of you fell back into your comfortable silence, while Jason made himself comfortable again laying his head on your lap. He hates seeing you that way, with that look of fear and worry. He never wanted to cause it. He wanted to say something but all those hours of patrol and working overtime finally caught up to him. He thought he'd just take a nap, he didn't want to burden you with how heavy he was, lying on his lap but he couldn't help you, your lap was so comfy.

For a while, you watched Jason and didn't know why you were. He said he wouldn't hurt himself, he promised. Still, you were scared because of the way he talked about it...it was clear it wasn't the first time. You knew he had fallen asleep, his tell was that his breathing had slowed. You picked that up when he started coming over early in that morning to nap with you. Jason was only ever truly calm when was he asleep with you.

Watching him like this felt natural like you had to do this. You knew he was serious about killing himself and you just couldn't imagine a life with him, without Jason. Gently you caressed his sleeping face, admiring how handsome he was. The things that happened to him, you knew they affected him but you didn't want to think he'd go as far as to…no you couldn't think of it.

You leaned your own body back on the couch and tried to relax. You'd stay all night with him if you had to, you'd make sure he was safe. You weekend a vigilante like him, you couldn't fight and protect him from villains but you could protect him from himself. It probably seems crazy that you want to protect Jason Todd from himself but it's all you know how to do. You're not completely sure if Jason loves you but you know that you love him.

"I will always be with you, I'm yours Jay, I'm with you" you whisper sweetly against his forehead, before planting a soft kiss. You watch him all night and he sleeps quietly and hopefully comfortably with his head resting on your lap. You didn't work the next day and you had stayed up all night before, this wouldn't be difficult for you.

Even if it was, it was for Jason and he was always worth any trouble. You wish you could tell him that but that's a conversation for another time, for now, you just want to make sure he is still alive every morning.

When Jason Todd wakes up the following morning, you're drinking what he thinks is probably coffee and reading a book. His eyes fixate on you and he reaches up to brush his hand against your face, you smile at the soft touch. HE lets out a yawn and finally speaks up, "Whatcha doing up so early, princess?"

"Just admiring you Jay"

"M'sorry for sleeping on you, and I'm even more sorry for making you feel upset last night, you're…you're very important to me y/n, and as long as you'll have me, I'll be here"

"And I'm with you, for as long as you'll have me" you say with a smile as you hand him the rest of your coffee. He drank the rest before gently pressing a kiss to your lips. Another reassure of his love

Jason Todd was yours for a lifetime and you were happy with just that.

❥ a/n: sorry this took so long anon! I kept rewriting it because I didn't like how it was going. btw comment to be added to my taglist.

❥ taglist: @meowkn, @nia-jul, @woodenanemone, @millyhelp, @yourlocalcringydaydreamer, @kazzattack, @orchidsangel

[starrynights-sunnyskies]

as the flowers bloom, my heart does too ⋆*·ﾟmisa x putellas!femreader, social media au, (5/-)

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when your relationship ends and all you want to do is hide and cry, flowers suddenly start to appear on your doorstep.

or; misa hating to see a pretty girl cry and suffer and going out of her way to cheer her up while staying anonymous

fic: see my masterlist 🤍

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yourusername: feliz día de san valentín 💌 Liked by alexiaputellas, albaps9, bff3 and 3,927 others

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janafernandez3 I knew you were smiling more than usual lately!!!!

ingridengen Congrats, sweet girl! 😘

ona.battle Yaayy!

marialeonn16 Bambiiii, yes! 😭

salmaparalluelo Have the sweetest day!

bff3 At last 😉❤️

mikkykiemeney cuteee 🎀

marisabel_rguez Lucky girl! ↳ yourusername me or her? ↳ marisabel_rguez Uhh, trick question? liked by yourusername and 15 others

bff1 about timeeeee. i'm so happy for you 💃🤗

username1 the bracelet???? ↳ username2 THE M!! ↳ username3 the m! 😱 ↳ username1 who else do we know she hangs out with that starts with M that doesn't rhyme with visa? ↳ username4 mapi 🤣 ↳ username2 let's not pretend we don't know who it is lol

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Direct Messages marisabel_rguez Happy valentine's, mi querida. I've got a surprise for you. ↳ yourusername another one?? you spoil me too much 😠 ↳ marisabel_rguez As I should, please let me!! ↳ marisabel_rguez So, are you coming? ↳ marisabel_rguez Don't keep me waiting, guapa. ↳ yourusername fuck, okay Seen

alexiaputellas Hey hermanita, I know you were hesitant to tell us about your love life a little while ago, not wanting to jinx things and taking that time together to explore things in private before making things official.... but we will always love you no matter what and we want to love who's made you this happy too. So whenever you're ready, okay? Follow your gut and heart. I'd love to meet your special someone and learn everything about how she makes you happy, how you met, what she's like. I promise to be nice! 😉 Te quiero mucho, ardilla. Delivered

albaps9 yn i'm not going to lie, i'm hurt you've kept me out of the loop after i helped you get through it all. especially when i had to find out myself through instagram posts?? i always like to believe that you know you can come to me for your lows and your highs, so it hurts when you don't. i know you deal with these kind of things differently, especially after all that's happened, so i'll get over it and push my pride aside. but we'll still talk about this, kay? i just hope that you can let us in on your happiness once you're ready. and please don't forget that you deserve this and everything else you haven't even thought of. albaps9 btw, i'll keep my mouth shut for now like you asked, but i don't like keeping things from alexia and mama so it's best they hear it from you instead of connecting the dots as well. i won't lie to them if they ask me directly. i know you're hesitant to start anything new or to tell us so that we won't worry again. i get that you want to keep it private until you're sure it's serious, but we're here for you either way. no judgements, no standards. we just want to see you at your happiest and be there to see you like that. okay? vale. also, i love you, you fucking turd. Delivered

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↳ 21h ago: yourusername added to their story

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↳ 56min ago: yourusername added to their story

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Direct Messages

leilaouahabi Boooo, wrong equipo! ↳ yourusername you don't even play for barça anymore 🤣 ↳ leilaouahabi Once a culer, always a culer!!! Which you SHOULD KNOW! ↳ yourusername 😛 Seen

albaps9 lol alexia is sooo gonna interrogate you over this. good luck. i've kept my mouth so far but you're making it veeeery hard on yourself, little one. Seen

claudiaapina Just... why?! 😱 Seen

janafernandez3 Not cool 😣 ↳ yourusername sorry, lovely ): Delivered

alexiaputellas Que pasa??????? Yn...? 😟 alexiaputellas Oi, don't leave me on seen on this one!! Seen

marisabel_rguez You liked the match? ↳ yourusername sorry, what? was too busy ogling the goalie the entire match. still thinking about her, frankly. ↳ marisabel_rguez That's all I needed to hear. ↳ marisabel_rguez What about her are you thinking of exactly? ↳ yourusername well, what time she'll come back to the hotel, for example? ↳ marisabel_rguez Few hours or so, she just told me. Don't miss her too much in the meantime. ↳ yourusername welp... that's going to be hard! i need her here ): ↳ marisabel_rguez Keep the bed warm for her then. Think you can do that? ↳ yourusername on it. but tell her to not make me wait too long. ↳ marisabel_rguez Or? ↳ yourusername the door will be locked and i'll have a mighty entertaining evening all by myself... ↳ marisabel_rguez Y/n... 😫 ↳ yourusername 😊 Seen

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yourusername: found her. my missing piece 🧩 Liked by marisabel_rguez, marialeonn16, leahwilliamsonn and 4,287 others

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bff1 but you fucking hate puzzles. lockdown proved that. ↳ bff3 Because we couldn't find the missing piece for weeks, then found it in the couch!!!!!!! ↳ yourusername if i had known that’s where she’d be hidden away all this time, i would’ve deep cleaned the apartment waaaay sooner liked by 13 others ↳ bff3 🥹 ↳ yourusername that unfinished puzzle still haunts my dreams btw ↳ bff1 i too have nightmares of jigsaws, but i think that's a different sorta jigsaw entirely 👹🔪 ↳ bff2 who are you and what you have done with our friend for you to ignore that last slide @/bff1 ↳ bff1 the one time i behave and it's not appreciated? ffs ↳ bff3 I hadn't even noticed that one holy heckkk, yn!! so cute!! 🤩

albaps9 okay i see you, that’s why your door was locked ↳ bff1 be happy that it was 😬😂 ↳ yourusername um hello? can't a couple take a sweet bath together? ↳ bff1 um hi? sweet bath... my ass! ↳ albaps9 um HELLO? i'm still here?! 🤮

bff1 cheeseball ↳ yourusername only saying it how it is 🤷‍♀️

username1 still no tag?? 😫 ↳ username2 omfg leave them be ↳ username3 No need when the answers pretty clear ↳ username4 brb zooming in on that tatted hand 🕵️‍♀️

alexiaputellas Yn, everyone can see this ↳ jennihermoso You're just pressed that YOU saw it. And this was so tame. ↳ alexiaputellas Still my little sister. ↳ jennihermoso Part two: you're just pressed you don't know who she's snogging. ↳ alexiaputellas Can I dislike a comment on here, too?

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↳ 45min ago: yourusername added to their story This story is no longer available

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Direct Messages

albaps9 did you forget mama follows you too? she did NOT get the goalie joke and took it very literal albaps9 this one landed so wrong for ale too, she immediately called mami to call you 🤣 albaps9 ynn mami’s just asked me about it again. told her to text you, have fun with that. i love you but i'm not fixing your mess 🙃👋😘  Seen

alexiaputellas Y/n disculpe, but you posted it on your public story. And even if you'd posted it to your closed friends... I'm on there as well. Can I at least meet who you're seeing before I know, well... you know. Delivered

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Text Messages

○○○○○○○ mama 🌷(ICE) Why don't you pick up, laelia? mama 🌷(ICE) Mi hija... let me tell you something. mama 🌷(ICE) In relationships, some things are meant to be kept between the couple. To keep it special and protected. mama 🌷(ICE) If your story talks about what I think it does, you omg no mami, let's not, por FAVOR. i deleted it already!! mama 🌷(ICE) Vale, but seems I needed to say it to you, didn't I? You put yourself in this predicament. I see what you post too, linda. mama 🌷(ICE) Now, don't be embarrassed. When two people really love each other, that's just how things go. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to show that side to one another. you please don't, i will ignore you. mama 🌷(ICE) Y/n, there's no need to feel weird. You can talk to me about everything. About sex too. I'm your mother, I'm supposed to help you navigate these things in life. It's important to feel comfortable during intercourse with yourself and your partner and to both enjoy it. It's not good to learn everything from the internet nowadays and I would never want you feeling insecure or worried about something when you can just talk to me about it. Nothing is too crazy, vale? you ○○○ mama 🌷(ICE) But it so happens that your sister is well-known and that means that some of her audience finds your internet pages too. I'm sure you didn't mean it in a bad way, but think of it next time, okay, querida? mama 🌷(ICE) And I just want to add, a healthy sex life is important, so it's good that you have that and can talk about what you like or don't like with each other. But I'd prefer not finding out you do from the internet. Or before having met your girlfriend. This goes for Alexia, too. She didn't like it. I want my first impression of your girlfriend to be a little different than knowing what she's good at, so to say. I know, no judgements from me, but you're still our niña pequiña, laelia. you ○○○ you ○○○ Read

Text Messages

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you you free right now? albaquerque 🌼 nope. still at work. why? you ack, you butt, you're texting me rn aren't you? albaquerque 🌼 bc when my tiny munchkin of a sis needs me, i'm here. it wounds me that you still don't know that </3 albaquerque 🌼 no seriously why? you buy a shovel after work and please, PUH-lease, help and bury me alive. albaquerque 🌼 jajajajaja mami?? you si, i want the ground to swallow me whole albaquerque 🌼 well i don't have time to come and help you, but maybe your gf will help you dig it with her bare, good-working, skilled and strong hands? or are you going to say she's even better with her tongue now? 😂😂😂😂 you vete a la mierda albaquerque 🌼 now for the love of god, go and tell ale before it's too late. she knows it's a goalie now, it's only a matter of time, yn. after that i'll help you shovel both your graves. seeing as misa will likely need one too. it'll be sooo romantic being next to each other even in death 😍 Seen

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username1: Well, the match just ended and... that was intense? Wanna guess what they were talking about before the ref sent them apart? I also want to know what Alexia quickly yapped to Misa after the goal because whatever it was, it wrecked her up for the rest of the match 😬 1...2...3.. go! Liked by 120 people

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username1 rip misa ouch, she looked so hurt ):

username2 ✨welcome to the family✨

username3 Yeah that didn't look too friendly but still personal 😬

username4 i just knew alexia was waiting all evening to wipe the smug smile off misa’s face the second they all shook hands before the kickoff lol

username5 First run-in with the in-laws already 😆😆

username6 misa’s strong for still staying with yn after this, i would’ve ran and cried, tail between my legs if alexia had done this like yes ma'am, okay ma'am, sorry ma'am.

username7 this was prob just the initiation to the putellas fam 🤝

username8 “Yn babe? Do you think your sister likes me?” :

username9 Awwwkwarddd...

username10 not yn making it worse by going to misa first after the match 🤣🤣🤣

username11 alexia the entire time: 🤨😐 ↳ username5 fr if looks could kill 🥴 ↳ username10 yn would be girlfriend-less

username12 yn come get your woman 

username13 Bark bark.

username14 MISA! BAD! ↳ username10 exactly, misa’s down bad 🤪

username15 Would've killed to be a fly on the wall in that locker room and hear the goss

username16 well, looks like they were having a great time 😳

username17 not the camera panning to yn momentarily ↳ username18 the camera operator is one of us 😭👏

username19 knowing misa, no appropriate words came out of that mouth tho 🤣🥵

username20 claws out 🥊 

username21 "You fuck my little sister? I'll fuck up your saving ratio! ☺️"

username20 okay no, if my gf fought in my honour and looked this good while doing it, i’d swoon ↳ username18 she didn’t save it tho 🫠 ↳ username20 it is the thought that counts!!!

username22 Wait, what happened between them? I thought they were such good friends? They used to have all these sweet moments together. That entire pk situation seemed so hostile... ↳ username15 Misa's allegedly dating Alexia's youngest sister. But no idea why they seemed so sour.

username23 everyone always talks about enemies to friends, but what about friends to enemies🤣

username24 Who cares?? Forca Barcaaaa!

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Text Messages

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you proud of you 🖤

m 💌 Shit game, but I could hear you cheer me on multiple times. Gracias, querida.

you yeah? you did?

m 💌 Yes 😘 It probably wasn't easy for you to cheer on both teams, but thank you for having my back.

you ofc, my love. always. 

you i'll always be your favourite cheerleading wag 🤩

m 💌 My only one! And you look really good doing it.

you too bad you didn’t save that pk tho, bc i would’ve screamed your name

m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 We still have tonight, no?

you ○○○ you ○○○ you ○○○ you ○○○ you no. you not before you apologise to alexia. you i know you said some things to get her that irked

m 💌 I’m just mad she’s mad. You're finally happy and now she's not. We told her and the first thing she did was walk away and ignore us for two weeks. That hurt. I tried to mend things during camp, but she was cold the entire time. She's making me feel like I'm not good enough for you. I know I shouldn't let my insecurities talk, but I also didn't like how her reaction to us made you go back to your ways of internalising and such. I don't like seeing you like that. And maybe she wouldn't have reacted this way if you were dating someone she didn't know, and then she wouldn't have had this reaction towards you either.

m 💌 And I've been feeling this mad since that very first moment, so I guess it just came out. I feel even worse now, because I never wanted to put you in this situation or make things with her even worse.

m 💌 Dios mio, and your mother was there too. I'm so sorry, Y/n.

you it's okay misa, you're a passionate person and are loud and fierce when you love. never apologise for it, because it's the very thing i love about you. i would never expect you to change your ways for anyone. i know you've been upset, and i'm sorry that it's not something i could control. but alexia has every right to feel that way, we should’ve handled it differently... told her sooner. i could see it hurt her when she realised mama and alba already knew. we've owned up to our mistake, but she needs some time to come around and forgive us, accept this is happening. she will, in time. that's just her. she's known you for a while and now i'm with you... she needs time to adjust not only seeing you as her friend, but as my girlfriend too. she feels a little awkward. i don't know what you said, but that probably didn't help her feel comfortable about the entire thing. no matter how much it worked me up seeing you that way.

m 💌 I'm not that kind of person to talk that way about women. Or about you.

you i know, amor. you but what did you say to her?

m 💌 I asked her if she was ready to take it, if she was sure, just normal talk to get her off focus, you know? It wasn't meant as anything personal, but then she returned the question, but about you. Asked me if I was sure about taking it while you were watching. I said that it would only help me do better. Then she asked me if I was sure I was good for you. 

you you are, please don't ever doubt yourself. you so so so so are.

m 💌 I tried to, but it just hit me the wrong way. So then the whole tone changed but everyone was watching so we tried to keep it lowkey, but it was so hard. I asked what kind of sister would say such a thing when you're clearly happy with me. Probably got a little cocky and said you'd come to me when I saved it, not to her, especially after her recent behaviour with you. I might have implied something would happen tonight between us if I saved it, though. That you were mine now. And I hate myself because I keep hearing the way I sounded while saying it and it disgusts me and I made it worse and I would never talk or think about you like property but the way she looked at me and said those things I just really wanted to hurt her back and I knew that would do it. I fucking hate and regret it. 

you easy, misa, i know, love. it's okay. i know you don't see me that way, you've never treated me as such. but it's happened, don't dwell on that. we can think of how to fix things now, okay? you but what did she whisper in your ear when she collected the ball from the goal?

m 💌 It's fine, don't you worry about it, querida.

you you don't have to protect me from it, you know? it's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but i'll ask ale about it either way. i want to know what hurt you so badly, and don't even deny it. i know you. whatever she said, don't take it to heart. not going to lie, you probably hit some vulnerable spots. i'll explain later why alexia's extra aggy about it all. but we need to talk about this, the three of us. and you two need to make up too. i'll coax up to her first or things might get even worse. going to her and olga's place rn.

you listen to me, everything will be okay, babe. vale? i love you.

m 💌 Yo tambien ❤️ you you can make yourself welcome at my place. dinner's in the fridge. you oh WAIT m 💌 Patiently 😇 you DON'T eat my cannoli!!!!!!!!!!!!!! m 💌 I was kind of planning on doing exactly that tonight... with your permission, of course 😉 you fuck you i love you 😩 m 💌 I love you more.

you and about that me being yours thing, if you ever say that again, i will jump your bones.

m 💌 You better hurry up then. 

m 💌 But be safe.

m 💌 You're my everything. And I really love you. Can you please never forget that?

Delivered

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↳ 49min ago: alexiaputellas added to their story 

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Text Messages

○○○○○○○ ale🐻 Home? you home! ale🐻 Safe? you and sound ❤️ ale🐻 Wish you could have stayed a little longer but today was... overwhelming and I'm spent. you it's okay, ale, everything's good again, yea? ale🐻 With you, always. Just give me a little more time. It still hurts a little, I wish I had known sooner. For what it's worth, I think you've found yourself both a best friend and a lover in her. I'm happy for you. you really? ale🐻 Yes, of course. I'm sorry my behaviour lately has made you question that. ale🐻 I realise it wasn't fair of me to not give you the freedom to decide your own life. You're your own person, no longer the little pigtailed pipsqueak hanging onto my neck with all your million questions all the damn time jaja. you don't think the pigtails will make a comeback, but i'll happily tackle your back for piggyback rides again? ale🐻 Please ❤️ ale🐻 But when you got so hurt last time around, we lost you. Lost the smiley you. The giddy you. The hermanita we knew. We couldn't reach you and that was really scary. I didn't know how to help and was not always around because of football. It's still one of my biggest regrets. I guess I'm just scared of you ever losing yourself like that again because someone broke your heart, so anyone who gets close to you like that... well, I don't like them or want them around you. But that was never fair of me. Because that was also going against what I want, which is you at your happiest. ale🐻 But when Misa made that comment before the penalty, she just sounded a lot like... you my ex. ale🐻 Si. I hate how I accidentally heard your ex talk about you like that, but then I hate it even more that that was normal for you... day in, day out. And then I hate myself again for not realising sooner and having pulled you out of that environment the second you started dating. If only I'd been around, I would've seen through her the second we met. I'm so sorry. you Don't be. She played it well. But I don't want to talk about that. What's done is done. I'm sorry you felt like that. ale🐻 Don't apologise for someone else's behaviour. ale🐻 Anyway, it was stupid for me to take out my frustration on Misa. If I hadn't, she wouldn't have caught my bait. I know Misa's not like that. It was just a little bad-mouthing to get the nerves up. But she hit me exactly where it hurt. Don't think she realised. you she does realise. she doesn't know why it hurt exactly, but she feels bad and wants to apologise. face to face. can she? not tonight of course. go get your sleep now. you just, one of these days? please. you i want you two to get along again. i don't want our relationship to ruin your friendship just as much as i don't want you to hate my girlfriend. ale🐻 Vale. ale🐻 You love her, and I've loved her as a friend before she meant something to you. I'll try, okay? you you sound a lot like mama you did she give you a lecture after the game? ale🐻 😣 you how are your ears? still hurting from the pinching? 🤣 ale🐻 I'm too tall for that now , she can't reach me😁 ale🐻 But it's okay. Go to sleep, laelia 😛 ale🐻 I love you. you i love you too you and i'll never not look up to you ale🐻 And I promise that from now on, I'll never not be here for you 😘

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enjoy your week lovelies 🌻

[pers1st]

can't quit you - alexia putellas x reader

pairing: alexia putellas x reader

warnings: bit suggestive, angst but happy ending

Taking a quick breath in after sleepily glancing at your phone to check the time, you shoot up in the bed that is not yours, next to the body that is not your dog's, whipping around. Your head drops as you get ever so dizzy, and you hit the nightstand next to the bed with a loud bang.

"Ow", you wince, holding your forehead tightly and pressing against it, as if that would help your pain in any way.

"Joder", a soft voice mumbles next to you as you push the covers back, revealing your still naked body. Usually, it would be dark when you left Alexia's bed, but by now, the sun had risen and you were late.

Fuck.

"Get up", you instruct her as you crawl out of the warmth of the bed, hastily gathering the clothes you'd left on the floor last night.

"Ale, we have training." The blonde is still laying in bed, the duvet cover all the way up to her nose as she shields herself in comfortability. She doesn't react to your words.

"Ale, we're late", you huff as you pull your sweatpants on. At that, the seemingly unconscious body shoots up, banging her head the same way you had.

"¡Joder!", she curses as she mimics your actions.

It's been two months since you last spent a night in Alexia's bed. Your relationship was a long and stable one, and when you broke the news to your teammates, every single one of them was shocked.

You and Alexia, however, weren't. Despite the two years you called yourself her girlfriend, the both of you agreed that it was time to call it quits. Time to go back to being friends. You let yourself become too comfortable, and, along with it - clingy. The two of you could never be apart, and you both know that it wasn't beneficial for you or Alexia individually.

Still, you know that, no matter what happened, you can always count on Alexia, and so the breakup felt less like a stop in your relationship and more like a shift. That's how you found yourself in her bed after a team night out, and then, just a month ago, the two of you silently agreed that whatever this was - it was okay. You had, after all, agreed to remain friends (with benefits, it seemed).

But the golden rule of it all seems to be that you don't stay over. You and Alexia agreed to spend time apart, to be on your own, and although it included late night calls and (sometimes drunken) hookups, you didn't sleep over anymore. You didn't wake up in her arms anymore. Until today.

"Ale, I don't have any training clothes", you sigh, the realization dawning on you that of course, you didn't pack an overnight bag. Why would you? You never stay over.

"So? Wear mine", Alexia shrugs, throwing a pair of shorts into your face. You duck away quickly and watch as the fabric gets caught on the lamp.

"Yeah, sure", you chuckle.

"You go to training, I'll be there once I've driven by my house."

"But that'll mean more extra laps, no? Just wear mine", Alexia huffs, seemingly unbothered by your problem. It's, however, not as easy as it used to be.

"I can't, Ale. We're not together anymore, we don't share clothes, we don't fucking fall asleep together!"

You didn't notice your voice raised until Alexia raises her eyebrows at you, wincing ever so slightly.

With her still looking at you like a deer caught in headlights, you grab your keys from her wardrobe and leave her behind, not caring to say goodbye.

Your ex-girlfriend confuses you. How does she not see the problem? How does she not see the gravity that comes with the night you spent at her flat? How does she not understand the problems this causes?

You huff in annoyance as you walk towards your car, knowing that you'll be running laps for a good half-hour after training, seeing as officially, you were supposed to be there five minutes ago. With the extra ten minutes it took to go home, and the fifteen minute drive to the training grounds, you know that Jona will have a very stern talk to you. The only hope you can cling onto is that Alexia is already there, and the fact that no one notices how weird it is for the both of you to be late on the same day, when you usually never are.

Jona's words are harsh, but they are nothing you can't handle. Alexia already finished her laps during training, it seems, as she is not with you while you round the pitch over and over again. With only two laps left, you speed up slightly, not noticing the figure sat on the bench before you finally come to a stop, reaching for your water bottle.

Keira raises her eyebrows at you silently as you take greedy gulps. It's not a particularly warm day, but the sun is beaming down on the pitch as if it is Summer and the excessive running left you dry.

"What happened? You're never late."

You know by her tone that she is hinting at something, but you shrug as the two of you begin walking towards the building.

"My alarm didn't go."

It's a lie. You didn't even set an alarm, with how exhausted you had been last night. Keira wants to say something else, you can sense it in the way she keeps looking at you and then back down, but you don't urge her to, because you don't want to hear it. You don't want to hear anything, really. You didn't speak a single word to Alexia during training, dodging her every time you were asked to partner up and not cheering her on the way you usually did.

Even now, as you joined Keira for lunch in the cafeteria after a quick shower, you lead your friend to the table furthest in the back, away from everyone else. She doesn't mind, though, instead yapping to you about everything and nothing. Aitana joins you halfway through your meal, and you quickly become the third wheel, though you can't exactly complain. Your head is dangerously close to exploding, with the speed that thoughts are racing through your head.

Maybe sleeping with Alexia after the breakup has been a bad idea. After all, you split because it seemed impossible to spend time away from each other. With the excuse of remaining "friends", you still partnered with her every time, made conversation with her about everything and nothing, ended up in her bed every evening just to escape mere minutes later and pretend nothing happened. It's a vicious cycle, and it needs to stop. And that realization is what's bothering you the most. The fact that you need to stop. The fact that you actually need to be apart from the woman you still love so dearly.

You don't notice Keira and Aitana already left until a new body appears in front of you. Glancing up, you find the one person you didn't wanted to see.

"Estas bien?", she asks, looking down at your full plate. Feeling nauseous all of a sudden, you declare your lunch finished and throw your wet hair over your shoulder.

"Sí", you mumble as you rise from your seat, beginning to walk to the tray of dirty dishes.

"Estas segura?"

"Sí, Ale", you huff, reaching around her to discard your plate.

"Okay", Alexia shrugs. "Are you coming over tonight?"

You shake your head, looking at her with a stare that, admittedly, she doesn't deserve. Alexia isn't the catalyst of this problem, anyways. It was the both of you who made this decision, silently agreeing on a plan that now seemed so foolish. How did you expect to spend every night with her, not allowing yourself to be embraced by her warmth and love, and not fall for her all over again? Alexia agreed to the breakup. She is okay with the two of you not being together again. So, why the hell aren't you?

"No, I can't tonight", you reply, though it is a total lie. You don't have plans at night, ever, because you always know where you'll be. Where you would have been. If the two of you were still together.

"Okay", Alexia says, though it sounds more like a question. You can't seem to stand in her presence for another second, as you bid her a quick, cold-hearted goodbye only to sprint away from the cafeteria and to the locker room to gather your bags and speed home.

Alexia and you agreed. You need to be alone. And you need to practice it, now that you can't drag yourself into her arms again. There is no space for you anymore.

You can't seem to sleep on your own. Before, you were so worn out from Alexia's persistence to wreck you in every possible, leaving you in a sleep so deep the only thing to get you to stir was your shrieking alarm. Now, though, you fall into bed with a thousand thoughts rummaging through your head, and you lie awake for hours, watching the sun set, watching the sun rise, all while tossing and turning around, desperate to find rest.

It's not difficult for the team to catch on. You sweat off every bit of concealer meant to hide the shadows beneath your eyes, and your movements are slow - hazy, almost. Your performance is average, at most, and no one had ever seen you perform averagely.

Alexia notices too - at least you hope, because there is no way she can just forget about you, is there? She watches you curiously, but she never says a word about your piss poor sprints, your late passes or weak shots.

Even Jona seems hesitant to say something - and that is what you're left with. Everyone looking, no one asking. Everyone noticing, no one checking. The whole situation is beginning to drive you insane - Alexia is starting to drive you insane. Though she is not the culprit of this, you can't help but feel your heart wither away every time you look at her and feel just a little bit of anger. This isn't how you want to feel about the woman you loved for such a long time.

It takes you exactly a week to end up in her bed again. Alexia doesn't ask why you are behaving the way you are, and she doesn't react to your hesitation to come over to hers again, which makes you crave her even more. You're a bit like a child, when it comes to these things. You always seem to want what you can't have, to want what doesn't want you. Her head just peeks up from between your thighs as you lean back into her cushions, eyes hazy and head spinning. Alexia is so, so good to you. The anger is long forgotten, at this point.

"Estas bien?", she asks the way she always does, and it causes you to chuckle.

"Sí, Ale. Muy bien", you huff, as she lays down next to you gently, her own body covered in beads of sweat. You push yourself up from the mattress with the last bit of strength you have left, gently straddling her lap as you lean down to capture her lips in another kiss. Realistically, you are worn out, at this point. You've been in Alexia's bed for hours, and the both of you are likely satisfied. But it is so hard to leave.

She chuckles into your lips, intertwining the both of your hands with hers as you finally steal another kiss from her.

This- it felt oddly domestic. There was a softness in her eyes that you haven't seen- or potentially just not noticed, since the two of you broke up. It makes you stop in your tracks.

"What's wrong?", she asks as you lean back on her lap, looking at this glint in her eyes that completely captures you. You can't describe it, but this feels so right- being here, in her bed, being on top of her, laughing, kissing, sharing intimacy, the look in her eyes as she gazes at your every inch, that it feels entirely wrong. These moments are over. Your relationship is over. You have to remind yourself, again and again.

"I should go", you huff silently, pressing one last kiss to her lips before climbing off of her. You almost whimper at the loss of contact, but you rise to your feet anyways, searching for your clothes on her wooden floor.

"You could stay." Alexia sits up, patting the spot next to her as she looks at you, following your every movement with her eyes.

"No, Ale. I should go", you remind her, and remind yourself, and pull your hoodie over your head.

"I'll see you tomorrow?", you ask, though it is a given. The two of you always see each other at training.

"Will you partner with me for passing?", she asks back, a chuckle on her lips.

"Why? Miss me already?"

You only catch the meaning of what you said by the time you are in her hallway, and you pull the door of her apartment close a little harsher than expected. Alexia doesn't miss you. The both of you know it.

It seems like a vicious cycle that the two of you are caught in. Every time you decide to put some distance between the two of you, it leaves you craving her even more. It almost feels like an addiction you are so badly trying to break, but you relapse every time, soaking in every second you can spend in her arms. You go over to hers a few times, indulging the attention she gives every inch of you, and then you leave her high and dry, the wall between you rising again as you dodge her during training and outside of it.

Just last night, you were in Alexia's arms, letting her take care of you the way she always does, letting her kiss every inch of you until there was nothing left and the two of you were breathless.

Today, you didn't speak a single word to her.

Unable to stand the silence in your apartment, you asked Keira to join you for dinner at home, after texting Alexia that you couldn't come tonight.

Alexia, obviously, doesn't seem to believe you as she knocks on your door furiously, all the while Taylor Swift is echoing off the walls of your kitchen quietly, with Keira sitting on the countertop, stirring the pasta every now and then. It is dark in Barcelona already, and just twenty four hours ago, you were with Alexia. Still, she is the last thing you expect when you open the door.

She is dressed in sweats, but she still looks so good. It takes you a second to actually recognize her presence.

"Alexia, I have-"

a guest.

That's what you intended to say, but the woman pushed past you already, barging through your apartment.

"We need to have a talk", she declares as she strides through your hallway. You only manage to catch up to her by the time she has noticed Keira, who looks between the two of you questioningly.

"You, out!", Alexia points to the door as Keira shakes her head, a grin on her face.

"But we haven't had dinner yet!", she protests with a chuckle, but at seeing Alexia's stern face, which isn't kidding in the least, she looks at you, pleadingly.

You shrug. No one disagrees with Alexia.

"Wow, just kicking me out? I'm hungry, you were supposed to feed me! I can't believe this", she mumbles as she pushes herself off the countertop, shaking her head in disbelief as she walks past you.

"I hope your food burns!", she yells from the hallway when Alexia sits down on the couch and you go to turn the stove off. The door crashes closed with a loud bang.

"That wasn't nice", you point out to your ex-girlfriend. Alexia is strict when it comes to football, but outside of the sport, outside of the captain-responsibility, she is the sweetest teammate, friend, girlfriend. Her behavior towards Keira makes you sense the gravity of whichever conversation she is going to have with you, and it makes anxiety tingle in your stomach.

"Sit with me", she orders, though it sounds more like a question when she looks at you and you can see the slightest bit of doubt in her eyes. Along with that softness. That glint.

You are next to her within seconds.

"Y/N, I need to know. If we are friends or not- I can't do this hot and cold", she starts, and the vulnerability in her voice makes you shudder. You didn't know that this affected her at all, she never voiced any complaints, but the way she looks at you makes you realize that this whole situation had nagged her more than she admitted.

"Why did you agree to this- whatever, if you don't want it?", you ask, not knowing how else to describe the situation, curious to know what she is asking of you. Does she not want you to come over anymore? Does she want you to be over every night?

"Because I can't..."

You allow her the time to search for whatever word she is looking for, knowing that she always struggled with English.

"Quit you. I can't quit you, and seeing you, holding you, if you are in my bed I can convince myself that this isn't real, that we didn't break up", she mumbles, her voice barely above a whisper but loud enough for you to hear. She spins your head.

She agreed to the breakup. She agreed that it would be best for the both of you when you first opened the conversation of how dependent you felt on her. In truth, the realization of how much you love Alexia had only hit you when every footballer had suddenly gotten engaged, and you realized that all you wanted was to marry Alexia. The thought was scary, and it sent you into a rabbit hole for a bit, wondering silently whatever you were going to do with yourself when Alexia decided that this relationship just didn't work anymore. Now, as you look at her, you realize that it's foolish. Calling dibs on the breakup was your worst idea yet. But Alexia agreed.

"But you- you agreed, when I broke up with you. You wanted the breakup", you look at her with a questioning gaze, lingering on the freckles on her cheeks.

"Because I don't want to hold you back, amor. If breaking up with me is what you need then I'll try to survive, somehow. But that doesn't mean I want it."

At that, you throw yourself into Alexia's arms. How have you been so stupid? How have you hurt the one and only person you have ever, truly loved, just because you were scared?

You sense Alexia's hesitancy, but after a few seconds, she wraps her arms around you, pulling you even deeper into her chest. You can feel her heartbeat, and smell her perfume, and it makes you question how you have survived the past months without being hers. Her arms feel so familiar, so comforting, that you crave nothing more than to be here - in her embrace - forever.

"I only broke up with you because I was scared. I was so scared of you ever leaving me, and-"

Alexia interrupts you.

"I could never. I could never quit you, amor. You are stuck with me forever", she mumbles into your hair as she gently rocks the two of you from side to side, her arms never loosening around you. You chuckle at her choice of words, though you do admit it is somewhat fitting.

"You'll never quit me?", you ask, a slight smile on your lips as you pull back slightly. At that, she only tightens her arms around you.

"Never. I will never quit you."

notes: this is literally horrible

[lizardkingeliot]

Fair warning this is going to be a mess and my brain is running on fumes so... bear with me lol.

I'm thinking about Louis not uttering Lestat's name for 23 years until he starts unloading on a stranger trying to convince himself Lestat was nothing to him. He wasn't in LOVE what are you TALKING about. He wasn't a great musician who wrote me love songs so infuriatingly perfect I swam the Mississippi to bite him like a cat and fuck him on the floor! Lestat wasn't that great at all I promise look at me, Daniel, do I look like the sort of guy who would lie about something like that!!!

I'm thinking about how what Louis was doing here wasn't actually that at all. Armand read him for filth because he's always known who the real love of Louis' life is, hasn't he? And Louis couldn't bear it anymore. He couldn't find Lestat (which begs the question WHY they were separated after Paris if Louis knows he isn't dead at this point but I guess the show will tell us that in the upcoming episodes lol), and this was going to be his way out. Had he been searching for him in secret? Did Armand know? I'm thinking prooooobably not but I guess we'll have to see what happens in Paris and in the final three episodes to be sure why Louis was so INSISTENT he didn't want to see Lestat even while very obviously trying to do just that. I assume it has to do with the events surrounding The Trial???? A desperate attempt to protect Lestat (wherever he may be) from Armand? Who knows!

I'm thinking about Louis insisting all he did was talk trash about Lestat and Armand immediately answering... that's not exactly how you talked about him to me. Yet Armand says Lestat's name hasn't been uttered in 23 years. Which would have been around 1950 in the timeline. Right after Paris. So clearly we're meant to understand Louis confided something about the true nature of his relationship with Lestat to Armand. Yet Louis insisted right there in that coffin that Lestat was his maker and nothing more. Again, I guess we'll just have to wait for the end of the season to see how we're meant to piece that whole thing together lol.

I'm thinking about the way the show let us hear Lestat's voice as he spoke to Louis through Armand. They let US hear Lestat insisting Armand tell Louis "I love you". Yet that's not something Louis could possibly remember because he didn't hear it. Which seems confusing but it's actually confirming this theory I've had brewing in my head that the show intentionally shows us things Louis isn't actually saying in the interview. Like making out with Dreamstat in the park. If you rewatch 2x03 there's no way Louis actually told Daniel and Armand about that. Or in this case, it's the show showing us something Louis can't possibly know himself.

And I'm thinking... why? The only real reason to do that is to drive home that what we're watching is in fact the Louis and Lestat love story at its core. I mean... think about it. Every iteration we've seen of Lestat this season has been so ROMANTIC. They were so in LOVE. All the stuff Louis tried his best to omit in season one is leaking in around the cracks like sunlight through the slats of a window shade and it's only a matter of time before that shade is opened...

Also. One more thing. Not to dump allll of this in one post but....... we finally got confirmation in this episode that Armand IS messing with Louis' head and erasing things and overwriting memories and I am foaming at the mouth waiting to see what else is in there Louis doesn't know about...

[thatghostinyourbog]

THIS SCENE

THIS FUCKING SCENE

I always thought this scene SAID everything it needed to say

And I just never looked too deeply into it until now

Atsushi and his tiger are separate

They are portrayed as 2 separate beings throughout the entire show

And his ability might be like that

But if we're thinking of this from a storyteller point of view

Atsushi is the tiger

The tiger is Atsushi

In that scene atsushi admits how much he hates himself

And later Akutagawa reveals that Atsushi thinks he doesn't deserve to live unless he's helping others

But that doesn't change, atsushi just doesn't think he deserves to live. He is trying to earn to live but helping people is just keeping him alive

I think the tiger came out to help him (he helped himself) only because he finally thought he deserved to live, he was helping so many people and in that moment he realised this gives him a right to live

So why was that not the end of the season and his character development??

WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED

After all that happened SECONDS after the ENTIRE CITY was saved Atsushis main focus was still on making sure as many people lived as possible. After all that it still wasn't enough.

Then we move onto his quality bonding time with the little Victorian boy

I've already talked about Atsushi and Akus relationship so I won't say much more

But the interactions at the end of season 2

Aku not only figured out Atsushi was trying to make it so he deserved to live he also told him how stupid it was

Atsushi and Aku need to hear things like this

Natural behaviours and beliefs they have from their trauma are stupid, but they have so much weight to them neither of them can help but live by those things and sometimes it takes your rival to go up to you, stab you in the shoulders, and say you're stupid for you to think somewhat rationally

Aku tells Atsushi he doesn't have to live his life by other people's morals

He does actually have a choice

With Atsushis past at the orphanage hearing this must've felt like being hit by a truck

Atsushi realised he can have his own morals and he's free to help or kill whoever he pleases

Aku shows Atsushi that he is free

Now there isn't a set way to overcome trauma or improve your mental wellbeing

God everyone wishes there were but that's just life

And I think that's what bsd is

It's people trying to overcome their trauma

People trying to get better

People who seem to be worse at just living than others

Imo bsd is about getting better

Some characters won't

Some will

Some people won't get better

Some will

Bsd is so special because of that fact

It's the only show I've seen that is aimed towards people who simply find living more difficult than others

This is the show you watch when you feel completely alone

The characters are written so well and they're so different from eachother but they all are still suffering

It covers topics that the viewers probably thought they were entirely alone in even thinking about

(My thoughts were all over the place I can't figure out a better way to put all this together so just suffer through the edited thoughts of my brain)((Yea imagine how I feel I have to suffer through the completely unedited ones))

Atsushi views the tiger way higher than himself

The tiger represents the part of Atsushi who no matter what will help others

Atsushi himself does not believe he is such a good person

He doesnt believe he is as good as he is, he believes he can harm to people when in reality he would never be able to bring himself to hurt others

The tiger represents Atsushis natural good nature

And Atsushi himself represents all his doubts and worries and feelings of worthlessness

He thinks he is such a bad person he has separated the natural good things about himself and put them into his ability

Which is why in dead apple he seemed so lost and helpless

For half the movie he was following Aku and Kyouka around unsure of what to do

And once he faced his trauma and got his ability back he realised he doesn't HAVE to be such a good person

He doesn't have to be this perfect being who saves everyone and doesn't let anyone suffer

He learns he has to fight

He learns he has to kill some people and there's no way around it

That doesn't make him a bad person

It just makes him human

And this is what he realises at the end of the movie

It's also what he shows Dazai right at the start and the end with those little interactions they have

Atsushi never doubted Dazais humanity

They're all just human

And they're all trying to live to be better people

[mics-bootlicker]

Some random Erasermic drabble set after they get together in their early to mid 20s bcos I've been thinking about the whole Hizashi being Shōta's second choice thing

(Edit: also forgot to add, Hizashi being this honest about his feelings is rare lol)

M: If Shirakumo were still alive, would we have still...?

E: Don't think like that, it doesn't make sense. What happened happened, how would hypotheticals change anything?

M: I know it won't change anything, sheesh, but you loved him didn't you? Back then, me, I was just... a friend, and I knew that, hated that.

E: Yes, I think I did love him. But he didn't love me back, did you know that too? I don't think he even liked men.

M: I knew that. It's funny, you know? He would encourage me to confess to you. And I never did because I knew you liked him, but I couldn't even tell him that!! I got tight lips, hmmm?

E: Well, thanks for that, I guess. I can't believe he never knew, I was so obvious. People say I'm the closed up one, but in the end, everyone knew i liked him and only he knew you liked me, huh?

M: ...I was jealous of him until he died. How horrible is that?

E: Not horrible at all. Jealousy is illogical but... it happens. Just like accidents happen with Shirakumo's death.

M: God, why haven't we talked about it like this? Ever since then, we've barely had any open talks about it. Fuck, I miss him. I miss us.

E: Calm down. We'll be alright

M: You sure weren't acting like it for a while.

E: Well, we're back together now, and different than before. And what you said... about if Shirakumo would've survived... if we still would have... maybe, who knows? Shirakumo was never going to love me the way I wanted him to then. Maybe I would've moved on, then started noticing you more. Then maybe Shirakumo would've finally convinced you to make a move on me, and I would've said yes. Maybe you would've lost interest forever and fallen in love with somebody else. But nobody can say for certain, what's the point in speculating? Hizashi, I love you now. That's what matters

E: Shōta, I love you too

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

After the heartbreak of the Full Moon episode, I need some Stolitz fluff to soothe my soul. I would love to see a Stolitz and Adamsapple double date. Maybe even include some Fizzmodeus because they are extra cute too.

"Who are we having this date with again?" Adam asked as he fixed his tie. Him and Lucifer were getting ready to go on a double date with a couple he couldn't remember the names of.

Lucifer came over and fixed the tie himself. "Stolas and Blitzø, we will be meeting them at Ozzie's. So let's not be late."

Adam rolled his eyes, he didn't care for double dates or see the point. You're basically hanging out with friends and your boyfriend.

They walked through the portal and entered Ozzie's, looking to a far booth the other couple were already there.

"Lucifer! Adam! Over here!" Stolas greeted with a wave of his hand. Blitzø gave a curt wave of his hand.

"Stolas! Good to see you old friend." Lucifer shook their hands, Adam gave them a thin lipped smile.

"What's the matter, to good to speak?" Blitzo commented.

Adam glared. "I could say the same fucking thing to you, clown boy."

Lucifer laughed nervously. "Okay, okay we're here for a good time right?" He leaned in close to Adam. "Be nice."

"I'm always nice."

"Real nice, not bitchy nice." Lucifer deadpanned.

Adam narrowed his eyes. "You're trying my hands but fine." He took a sip of water. "So how did you two meet?"

Stolas perked up. "We met as children, I went to one of his many circus acts and uh, well." His face pinched pink at the memory.

"He's been smitten ever since." Blitzø finished with a smirk. "Though, I have to agree he's always been special. What about you two what brothel did you meet at?"

"You could say Adam and I go way back."

Adam snorted, "Yeah, since the beginning of time. We met in the garden of Eden."

"Wait." Stolas squinted. "You're Adam as in THE Adam? The first man?"

"The one and only." Adam smiled widely.

"Weren't you like the leader of the exterminations? That's kick ass by the way gotta appreciate someone who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty." Blitzø said, he had heard of Adam but wasn't sure what happened after that extermination.

Adam leaned back all smug. "Yeah I know I'm amazing. I'm a fallen angel now, the details aren't important."

"Hey guys! How is everything?" Ozzie came over with Fizz, who fist bumped Blitzø.

"Good Ozzie, as always." Lucifer said.

Blitzø rolled his eyes. "Yeah much better than the last time we were here."

Adam frowned. "What happened."

Stolas looked uncomfortable. "Not important. Let's order!"

They ordered their food and talked until it came. They are their dinner mostly in silence, making the odd comment.

Blitzø shifted in his seat. "So Stolas. I know things haven't been, perfect between us, ever, but what we have is real. And I want to keep having that with you. What I'm trying to say is, Stolas of the Goetia family, will you marry me?" He presented Stolas with a ring box that had a silver band and blue gem.

"Oh Blitzy!! Yes!!"

Adam and Lucifer smiled at the scene before them. "Isn't that just sweet Luci?"

"Yeah. Congratulations you guys."

Adam couldn't help feeling a little lukewarm. He was happy for their friends but yet at the same time a little bit jealous. Him and Lucifer have been together for a while now and they kind of talked about getting married but nothing concrete.

Lucifer turned to look at Adam. "Well, I was going to wait until after dessert but what the hell." The King pulled out a ring box of his own.

"Are you shitting me...." Adam couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"I love you Adam, I've always loved you. I will love you until the end of time. Will you spend eternity together with me as my husband?" Lucifer asked with a smile so wide it hurt his face.

Adam wasn't going to cry, not like Stolas. He blinked back the happy tears. "Fuck yes, it's about fucking time." He put the ring on his finger and kissed his fiance.

"I knew the short guy topped."

"Blitzø!"

[final-girl96]

Ageless Secrets Chapter Eight

4:00 A.M.

September 2023

I was woken up by the door to my apartment opening and closing. My hand slipped under the pillow and pulled my gun out. My room was blanketed in complete darkness. The only light came from the street light that cast a single stream of light through the partially closed curtains. I slowly stood from the bed and quietly made my way to the bedroom door. The hinges creaked as I opened it, making me wince. I stopped only opening it enough for me to slip out into the hallway.

I made my way down the short hallway, peaking my head around the corner to look out into the living room and kitchen. A figure stood in the kitchen at the skin, leaning on the counter. As quietly as I could I padded my way towards them. My gun was up with the safety off, ready to shoot just in case. The clor I got though the clear the person came. “Tess?!” She jumped and spun around. “Jesus, yn, what're you doing?”

I flipped the safety back on and dropped my gun to my side. “What am I doing? What the hell are you doing in my apartment?” I asked, setting the gun on the counter. I turned the lantern that sat on the table on so I could see better. Then I went to the one in the living room and turned that one on, too. “Why are you here and not at your and Jo…holy shit! What happened to your face?” She had a busted lip and a black eye. I walked into the bathroom and got the first aid kit And walked back out into the living room. “Sit down.”

“It's nothing. Just a misunderstanding. But that battery that Joel and I were supposed to be getting was fucking sold. Then the fucking fireflies blew something up and I ended up in lockup.” She flinched when I pressed a little too hard on the cut that was on her lip. “So Joel doesn't know yet and you don't want your little boyfriend seeing your face.” Tess sighed and pulled away from me and stood up. “No, Joel doesn't know. I came here first to clean up and get my thoughts together.”

“Right. Well, lock the door on your way out. I'm going back to bed.” I stood and started walking down the hallway to my room. “We're not together! He doesn't see me that way!” I rolled my eyes and kept walking until I got to my bedroom door. Before I went inside she said something else that had me freeze with my hand on the door handle. “I know how you feel about him, yn. I've known for a long time. I've seen the way you would look at him and act around him.” She paused waiting for me to deny it like she used to when I was a kid. But what use would it be to lie?

“I'm guessing you made your feelings known and he turned you down. That's why you went to Bill and Franks. Joel is and always was too old for you, yn. You're thirty-five and he's fifty-two. That's a seventeen year age gap. I mean his daughter…his daughter was a year or two younger than you.” I could feel the tears trying to break free but I refused to let them. I cleared my throat and nodded my head. “Yeah, I was young and stupid, Tess.” I turned and looked at her. “If I remember correctly you weren't much better at that age either. You were fifteen with what was it?” I tapped my finger against my chin making a show of trying to think.

“A nineteen year old boyfriend. Oh and let's not forget that Andy was almost ten years older than you. So don't lecture me on being attracted to an old man. What is it really that you don't like about me liking Joel? Is it really the age gap or is it that you like him too and don't want your little sister stealing him from you? Hmm? Is that it? Because let's face it, Theresa, at this point age doesn't really matter. Like you said, I'm thirty-five. That means I'm a grown ass adult woman who can fuck whomever she likes. Now, get out of my apartment.”

6:00 P.M.

I was relaxing on the couch reading when someone knocked on my door. I tried to ignore it. Today was supposed to be my day off and I wanted to relax. I want to sit here and finish my damn book but no, the person on the other side of the door knocked louder. “Okay! I'm coming!” I marked my page and slammed the book closed before slowly standing up. Another knock pushed my anger over the edge and I yanked the door open. “Fuck sake I said I was coming!”

Tess stood on the other side with her fist raised. “What the hell do you want?” I asked, crossing my arms. “I need you to go over to Joel's,” she said. I let out a humorless laugh and shook my head. “Absolutely not.” I went to close the door but Tess stopped it with her foot. “Please, yn, I need you to come with us.” Ibraird my eyebrow, “Come with you where?” I asked. She let out a heavy sigh and looked down at the dirty floor. “Outside the walls.”

“Are you fucking crazy? Why the fuck are you going outside the walls?” I asked. “I'll explain everything to you later but right now I need you to go to Joel's and wait for me. I need to go see someone real quick.” I didn't say anything and she looked up at me with pleading eyes. “Please. I promise I will explain everything to you.” I took in a deep breath through my nose and closed my eyes. “Let me change and get my bag in order then I'll go over.” She nodded her head and moved her foot. “Thank you. I'll be back as soon as I can.”

I closed the door and shook my head. “This better be fucking worth it.” I went to my room and changed into a pair of jeans, a tee shirt, and flannel, then pulled my boots on. I made sure I had an extra pair of clothes, extra ammo, a first aid kit, my book, a couple bottles of water, and some jerky in my bag. I grabbed my Walkman and a couple cassettes on my way out as well because if I needed to be stuck with my sister and Joel I was going to need something to block them out. Before leaving my apartment I looked around just to make sure there wasn't anything else I was forgetting before walking out of the door. I made sure the door was locked behind me and went to Joel's place just across the hall.

[mrsjavierp]

Where you belong?

Chapter 5 - Die For You

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing - Narcos Universe (not so accurate), bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader, only your clothes (sometimes). The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Narrator - 3rd person)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N:

So, I'm using narcos universe, but screwing up the timeline because we need plots and things for our couple. Nevertheless, just a warning for the accuracy of the series. Btw, I'd love to know about you're thinking about it so far! Your opinion is really important! Tks <3

**

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

After an investigation we did together with the CIA and the Mili Group, we finally had proof about La Catedral. 

Steve, Javier and I were discussing the possibilities and what Noonan would authorize. At the end, I knew what to do first: talk to Gaviria.

We were running against time and Escobar again...

"Yes, ambassador. I know it's risky... But I know we can screw that MF and try to bring Escobar to the US. I'll talk to Gaviria, let me handle it." 

Noonan sighed, I finally won.

"Don't disappoint me, Y/LN. You've done a hell of a job in NYC and have been doing it in Colombia. We trust you. You've got a backup plan?"

"Yes. Already on it, even with plan A working. We're not stopping until we get the motherfucker."

"Good luck, keep me posted."

I called Steve and Peña to my office. 

"I'm heading to Bogota. I need to talk to Gaviria in person about it all."

"I'm going with you, jefe." - Javier said.

"No need to. As a matter of fact, I need you both here... We need to be ready to all that'll happen to La Catedral. My gut is feeling really bad."

They both knew what it meant: bad things for sure. My gut were never wrong, unfortunately. Sometimes early, but never wrong.

*

When I tried to reach, none of them were available.

Something is off... I reached even for Connie and she lied to my face. I'm gonna chop someone's head off.

When I arrived back at the office, my head was spinning: 

An informant confirmed Moncada’s and Galeano's deaths a few days ago, meaning that Escobar was losing his senses.  Was that the La Catedral effect? What will be his next move? The Colombian media were, by the way, publicizing it badly. Noonan would fuck me and the rest of the DEA, probably, if she didn't got fired before that. I knew how the US thought about it. And, the cherry on top: Javier and Steve missing.

I was really fucking overwhelmed. 

A couple of hours later, while I was tracing possible steps for Escobar, trying to think like him, Steve showed up at my office. 

"Murphy, what the fuck? Where the fuck were you?"

At the same time, Javier barged in: "Y/LN, I've gotta talk to you, it's urgent! I think Steve..."

"Hey, man."

"Peña, close this fucking door now!" - I yelled, furious.

I turned on the TV.

"Watch it: it's a fucking disaster. The Colombian army is outside La Catedral, Sandoval just entered... Brace yourselves."

They looked at each other, in silence.

"Here's what I think and what I'm doing: I'm suspending both of you, for a week. Stay low. I know you both tipped the media. Major Wysession told me about what you asked him, Peña... Don't you ever do that again. When I arrived here, I told all of the DEA to be straight with me and I'd be straight with you... Don't go to Wysession or Noonan or anyone. Come to me. I'll handle it. And Murphy, let me guess, Cali? Co-operation proposal?"

Steve swallowed hard.

Javier turned his face away from me.

I poured a glass of whiskey for myself.

"You better hope that Noonan doesn't get me fired."

"Y/LN, yes. Cartel de Cali kidnapped me. They didn't like that we helped kill a few of them, but apparently there was someone innocent among them..."

His words faded away as the TV announced about Escobar's escape.

*

Narrator's POV

Escobar ran off again. 

Noonan got... A nice retirement.

You maintained your position, since Crosby knew and liked how you worked, but didn't stop you from hearing a bunch of shit.

You send Peña and Murphy to check La Catedral, but nothing worked.

"Here's the deal, niños. We're moving to CNP headquarters. Pinzón is such an ass, but I'm working on it. He hates our kind, but who doesn't in Colombia? He threw the tip line on my lap and I'm giving it to you."

"Telephone Operator? Really? Fuck me..." - Murphy complained.

Javier was... Distant. Weird in your eyes. You pretend not to care.

Something is off... - you thought.

Weeks passed since he last touched you, in that pool. A few casual happy hours, catching glimpses. Smirks. 

When you touched yourself, even without your vibrator, his image was right there: crystal clear in your mind.

You were almost giving up drinking your beloved whiskey and dear cigars... To be healthy? 

Fuck, no.

The whiskey's flavor and the cigar's scent remind you of his breath. You wanted to keep him far, but it was becoming unbearable.

"Be patient, you two. I'm not allowed to say much for now. At least pretend to do something. I'm working on our budget and relations with both governments."

After a few screw ups from the agents, as they captured Bush and became a joke, the days were appearing longer and harder. You were practically going insane to prove Crosby, the soon to be new ambassador, that your new, big and, overall, expensive plan was going to work.

You only needed a little luck...

Until it happened: the tip line handed to you three La Quica, one of Escobar's sicarios.

"Pinzón, I'll be a car and two men. Don't make me push further. We're just checking, we're not going to alarm'em." - you told him.

He sighed, made a joke about the fake calls... But said yes. 

As you all prepared to go, Murphy received a call from Connie and she told she was leaving Colombia.

"No, Con, please... Just listen!" - Steve was desperate.

"Murphy, go to the airport. You're not going with us. Go talk to your family, now!" - you spoked at him and he ran off.

"Let's go, boys. We all want La Quica." - I said.

*

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

"I swear, I don't know this one!" - Javier defended himself.

"I already told you, we don't care, Peña. But is this new? It's gotta be, as you don't know it..." - I joked, my heart was a little broken. 

The other cops laughed, as Peña rolled his eyes.

I didn't want to admit that his fame towards prostitutes and brothels made me jealous and a little resentful. 

He'd never know about how I felt nor my... Preference for a certain sextoy baptized after him.

"Stop by the payphone, back here." - I hid my gun and put on a cap, to match my jeans, sneakers and plain shirt. I could pass without no one noticing. - "Vamonos." (Let's go)

Me, Javier and one of the cops got out of the car, one by one.

But someone spotted us and told La Quica.

Out of the sudden, we're running around and, at the market, behaving as a predator hunting a prey. 

That place was so hot, so crowded... I couldn't see anything... Until he glanced before my eyes.

"Gotcha, pendejo." - I ran as fast as my legs could and a bit more. 

A fucking cross-fire started out of the blue and I had to hold a little.

Fuck! - I cursed alone.

I needed to think fast: we're just four and didn't know who to shoot.

Fuck it! I'm going after him! - I decided.

"Someone cover for me!" - I yelled and ran off again. I didn't have an answer before going.

*

Narrator's POV:

"Fuck! Where is she?" - Peña yelled.

When the shots stopped, they saw how the Colombians were frightened. They just wanted peace, not gringos and narcos shooting around.

"Where the fuck is my jefe?" - Javier asked again, screaming, to the other cops, seeing red, looking for you. The veins on his neck were bulging.

The backup arrived shortly with Pinzón.

"My men are looking for her, she went after one of the big fish. Some nerve the girl got, gotta say." - Pinzón mocked.

The other cops held Javier, asking for him to calm down.

Javier'd burn all the fuck down, until he finds you.

"Let me go. Not in the mood." - he said to the poor guy.

"Peña, look! It's her!" - He pointed out to you, a little bit hurt, your pink shirt torn and dirty.

Smiling like a kid on Christmas morning, you came out of nowhere, a little hurt, a few bruises starting to appear, your blouse dirty and torn up... But still looking pleased: a victorious agent.

Coming closer to Peña and Pinzón, you start:

"¡Mis amigos, mira que cosita más bonita tengo acá! I'd like to formally introduce you to this pendejo... Not La Quica this time, but we've got Luiz Rodriguez." (My friends, look what a beautiful thing I've got!)

"In my car I have a bag with 50 grand. If you give me one hour, I can make it ten times bigger." - he offered.

You burst out laughing at him.

"Oh, mi regalito..." (my little gift) - You had started, as one of Pinzón's men put on some handcuffs and you fondled his cheek. - "You're going to Disneyland. Don't worry, we're gonna take so much care of you, mi tesoro." (My treasure)

Javier knew you're mocking that sicario, but he still felt something awful on his chest, 'cause you're supposed to call him those sweet names, not that thug.

*

Arriving at the building, you and Javier went to the locker room, to change before going home. 

"Y/N, you scared the shit out of me. Luiz did all of these injuries? Or has anyone helped him? I swear, if there's someone else, I'll..." - he started, looking worried at you.

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

"No, Peña." - I interrupted him, as I searched for clothes in my locker. - "You're not doing anything. I can take care of myself."

Javier punched his locker hard as fuck.

"I thought I lost you! Don't ever do that again!" - he yelled.

I laughed, in a sarcastic tone, observing him. He seemed actually worried. 

"You know what, Peña? I don't care!" - I lifted my blouse, showing my huge scar on my ribs. - "Can you see it?" - his face shifted from pissed to desolated, as my eyes watered. He looked at another place. - "No! Don't turn! Take a nice long look at it! - My tone was so harsh. His eyes were so sad. - I always take care of myself! I've been alone in this world for as long as I remember, Peña. It's not my first fight on the field, it's not gonna be the last!"

His face was devastated... He felt sorry for me?

"Are you sorry for me, Peña? Oh, grow up! Why do you even care if I die or live? I know you hate me! And you know what? I fucking hate your guts as well!" - I screamed.

He remained silent. Why?

I started to change to a black shirt. I needed to leave.

I walked to the door, but when I noticed, he was behind me, holding it, not letting me leave.

"Y/N, cariño, I know you can take care of yourself, you've been doing that for a while now..." - he whispered in my ear. - "I heard you, by the way... Yes, I heard while you took care of yourself almost every night."

I swallowed hard, thinking:

Oh fuck, he heard me... Oh no...

"However, you called out my name, didn’t  you?" - he continued.

I leaned on the door pressing my back against it, turning to face him as Javier got on his knees and looked at my with those puppy brown eyes and said:

"Let me make your fantasy come true, cariño... Let me be your good boy, your obedient soldier."

His hands started to take off my boots and socks, one by one.

After that, he unbuttoned my jeans and slowly, so slowly, put it down to my feet, throwing it somewhere...

There I was, only in underwear and a shirt, my skin felt hot. 

His eyes never left mine.

I took off my shirt and bra and, lastly, his hands took off my red panties, at a slow pace, as if he was trying not to scare me off.

There I was, naked in front of Javier. 

He seemed to be thinking on what to do first, until he said:

"Tell me what you want, cariño. Let me be your good boy."

I just nodded positively.

"Words, please. Use your big beautiful mouth, cariño."

"Y-y-yes, Javi... Put your lips on me, show me how good you are..." - my voice barely came out.

He smiled, picked up one of my legs over his shoulder exposing me. His lips met my folds, oh so soft, so delicate... My hand grabbed his hair, pulling closer. 

He explored me, without any rush, as if he wanted to last as long as possible... Teasing my hole, opening me up with the tip of his tongue, fucking me. My clit throbbed, as my pussy clenched around his tongue.

I bit my lips, trying to stay quiet, my eyes closed. I couldn't look down, I was almost ashamed.

"Mmm..." - I sobbed, pulling his hair harder.

He slipped two fingers in me, and taking his mouth off me, said:

"Look at me, cariño, open your beautiful eyes while I make you feel good. Am I doing, at least, a nice job?" - he smirks, knowing he was. I opened my eyes, looking down, probably blushing. No one ever made me look as I was being eaten out. - "A little reassurance won't kill you."

"Y-y-yeah, Peña..." - I managed to say.

Oh, fuck.

His thumb met my clit, putting a gentle pressure as his middle and index fingers touched my g-spot.

"You can do better than that, cariño..." - he grinned, asking for more. - "You wet half of my face, Hermosa, you can call me Javi again."

"¡Hijo de puta!" - I cursed. - "Make me come on your lips, for God's sake... Be my good boy, Peña." - I asked.

He smiled and got back to suck my clitoris, making me shake under his touch. 

I came so hard, dripping all over Javier, calling out his name.

He took off one finger, slowing his pace. A very satisfied "hum" came out of him.

"You taste like heaven... You were such a good girl for me, cariño... But I'm greedy, you know? I want more from you and your sweet little pussy." - he smiled. - "I wanna see you beggin'... I'm not stopping now."

I was still burning from my first orgasm. 

Javier Jesus Peña was trying to kill me, for sure.

My hand traveled from his hair to his cheek, caressing him. 

"Javi... I'm only gonna say this once: do what you want with me. Do what you want to my body. I'm yours for tonight."

His finger left me, leaving me empty. 

Oh, fuck.

He stood up, looking deep in my eyes.

"My place or yours?" - he questioned. 

"Yours." - I responded, barely breathing.

He picked up my clothes, helped me get dressed and we went to his place.

Next

[lovecolibri]

It’s funny how some shippers think the lack of detail given to Marisol and Natalia mean that they’re not endgame and Buddie will still be canon. When to me it’s the opposite. That WAS the end, the presumed end, and it was so important to the show that Eddie and Buck end up with women that the women themselves didn’t matter at all. They gave more attention to one-off victim characters than they did to the woman halves of Eddie & Buck’s supposed happy endings. The message isn’t “this won’t last.” The message is “the femaleness of this character is all that matters because straight. Straight straight hetero straight. 🙃” I genuinely think Buddie would have more of a chance if they had bothered to tell us why Buck likes Natalia so much, or why Eddie thinks there’s a spark with Marisol. Given us anything about the characters themselves. But they gave us female blank slates because they wanted to message that the female part is the most important thing. So it’s just wild to me to see people interpreting it as a positive sign. Which I guess maybe I’m just a pessimist, but it looks a lot like denial to me.

"it was so important to the show that Eddie and Buck end up with women that the women themselves didn’t matter at all." 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 SAY THAT Nonnie! I've also seen a LOT of comments about how "well they had to wrap everything up nicely because they thought it was the end of the show so I get it, they didn't want to rush if it was Buddie" and like....*Chidi voice* You DO get how that's worse right? Because a) they could have absolutely had an open ending with Buck picking out his own couch and Eddie being content with his life right now and how full it is with family and friends and Chris, b) they COULD have done ambiguous Buddie with the Buckley-Diaz boys on the couch together playing video games which could be seen as platonic OR romantic so everyone is happy because it's a fan favorite dynamic AND they have been shown as a family for years so they don't need the build up, or c) they could have gone full on Buddie and yeah it would suck to not get more but again, the build up is already kinda there AND it would break the internet if people knew THAT was the finale and the buzz might have gotten them picked up if ABC hadn't already made the announcement.

They literally chose the worst, most lazy option that even outside of Buddie very specifically goes against things the show outright stated in the text that both Buck and Eddie needed to do this season wrt their dating lives. Which....to ME is a bit of a headscratcher because it says they KNEW the backlash that would happen about these relationships (we had the hint about Marisol coming back but Natalia? If that live with Aisha hadn't happened we would have been fucking BLINDSIDED they kept it so under wraps). So rather than commit to telling the arcs well and just ignoring the backlash from "a small part of the viewership", they waited until the last second to drop these half-formed love interests into relationships with Buck and Eddie at a time they thought the show was done and they wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. So which is it? Is the Buddie fandom so small it's inconsequential and we should all just be quiet and realize the show doesn't need us and therefore will never give us what we want no matter how much noise we make? Or is the backlash from social media actually something that's taken into consideration and the show had to make sure to get to the end of the season without alienating that part of the fanbase? They can't have it both ways. Either we're not important enough to be taken seriously in which case it's just shitty storytelling, or we're loud enough to cause serious problems so they have to do jussssst enough to keep the backlash down until they don't have to anymore because the show is over. Which sounds a lot like "shipbait" to me.

I'm leaving of with this quote of yours because fuck me, I've yet to see anything more true about this situation.

The message isn’t “this won’t last.” The message is “the femaleness of this character is all that matters"

[bravestworriers]

writer interview game <3

thank u to @pricemarshfield who tagged me in this :) i'm so glad we're friends and u let me bombard you with random writing snippets as i go along!

i will be tagging the og writing wife @atxvanhalen (circa 2012), ao3 famous bffl @riverdanceeee, fantasy-pilled love of my life @multilevelmargoting, the coolest film reviewer in the biz @kaafka, and my begrudgingly kind editor @takeavacation2010 . & anyone else who'd like to write a little something about themselves!

read below if you dare!!!

When did you start writing?

probably as long ago as i could figure out how to & started winning little competitions for it! i love telling stories, usually through a visual medium (storyboarding, screenwriting etc), but it's all writing at the end of the day, no matter how put it down on a page.

i recently located my half finished writing from elementary school (so i must have started from the age of at least 8), all in the email drafts of my oldest email account, and it's always a treat to see how i used to think about romance, about drama and all that good stuff! (i was wrong and sad, but adorably so!)

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

i love big sci-fi adventures, heists, life or death sort of stuff, just as long as it's grounded in something tangible and human. i also just love media where you can tell that the artists are having a lot of fun with the medium and they way they're piecing everything together. like i adore the films kneecap (dir. rich peppiatt) and american animals (dir. bart layton) and dick johnson is dead (dir. kirsten johnson), even though i could never see myself writing a true story/biopic feature like that -- they're just exploring what a feature film compiling those ideas looks like today, fighting against the rules of what people think it should be, and just going for it. other than that, i watch a lot of BAD movies and BAD tv because it's fascinating to pull it apart and figure out where things went wrong -- like looking under the hood of a fucked up car.

mostly, i think i read and watch a lot of the types of things i like to write, lots of introspective dramedies and coming of age stories. but usually no tragedy, it makes me too sad.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

in school i got compared a LOT to tim burton (i made a lot of fantasy focused films that existed in the real world), which honestly feels like a little bit of an insult now. if i was compared to henry sellick, now that would be a compliment.

i'd love to emulate documentarian and cinematographer kirsten johnson! (it's not going to happen. but i love her.)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

i really can write anywhere, as long as it's in complete isolation listening to the same piece of music over and over until whatever i'm doing is complete (that's the autism for ya!). usually when i'm working, i'm lying down in bed in the evening, or weirdly standing with my computer on a counter in the kitchen early in the morning as i'm getting ready for my day. i'm a slow writer and can't get anything done without a deadline (work related) or a special interest (fic related), and usually things sputter aimlessly until someone explicitly asks for it (this is why my ao3 never has anything finished. sorry guys! #shamelssplug!)

(right now the piece of music i'm listening to is norman's walk by jon brion. and yes, if you're curious, my repetition of single pieces of music always messes up my spotify wrapped.)

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

the only theme i can think of is one of meeting someone that you're meant to meet, exactly at the point in your life that you are meant to meet them. life is chance upon chance upon chance, i've found, and i love capturing that life-changing feeling as it balances temporarily on a pinpoint. i especially love when it ends in tragedy too.

agnes varda's cleo from five to seven is a favourite of this trope. a bit of severance by ming le also has this concept wrapped up in it. and billy wilder's the apartment.

i don't think it surprises me though, i think it's always something i'm looking for in life. to eventually look back and see the path i made, and to know even if i didn't at the time, that it was the right one because of the people i had the pleasure of meeting, even briefly.

i also love 90s wedding movies and the strict structure they're written with, it's fun to replicate and poke fun of in my own work.

What is your reason for writing?

i started writing because i would get really overwhelmed with my feelings over whatever was going on in my life, and need to parse through them somehow. they say it's always best to start with a nugget of something, and build off of it. it's how i've coped with everything from romantic kerfuffles, to immigration, and racism, to parents splitting up, death, and everything else life has to offer. explicitly in my writing, or not.

maybe i've just been exceptionally lucky, but every time i've shared something that felt so isolating and devastating i did not know how to deal with it, i've always met someone after the fact who looked me in the eyes and told me they felt exactly the same thing.

it makes me love being a person on this planet.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i don't know! if you like it, please let me know! if you don't, please don't tell me i'll think about it for the next twelve years of my life and also cry.

no, but in all seriousness, i just want to make people feel like some part of them is understood, whatever that looks like. yell into the void with me, or yell back at me from the void, whatever works best for you.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

pacing and emotional beats. i can always feel when a scene is done, or when i want it to be done. i love writing the emotional stuff, i don't really care about the stuff that it takes to get there, other than it makes those beats happen.

writing my dialogue is like pulling teeth. writing my inner monologue gets convoluted. writing, i'm a slower than the oldest, most decrepit turtle. writing my descriptions can get too long in screenplay format. literally nothing but pacing out a story and hitting those emotional beats.

How do you feel about your own writing?

it makes me sick to my stomach. after i've obsessed over something for months and it's done, i can't look at it. i'm always terrified that it's so much worse than i want it to be, or that i'm envisioning it is. (i've had this exact experience at a festival with one of my films before and it haunts me forever.) i need other people to tell me it's written okay before i start to feel normal about it. i want to get over this sensation eventually, but it doesn't seem like it's happening anytime soon.

that being said, i don't think i could make myself stop writing and telling stories if i wanted to. my cross to bear, i suppose.

that's all. thanks for this, sarah, and if anyone read this, i hope you enjoyed it :^)

[prideraiised]

@iruludavare asked: 🤕 + 🚬 ! (for gold) | Meme here!

🤕 + 🚬 for a pain headcanon + a bad habit headcanon!

(We're going to mix these together because honestly they're kind of the same thing, teehee)

Theres only one thing you need to remember with Gold when it comes to pain: It doesn't happen. It never really has. For as long as he can remember, some part of Golds body just...turns off when it's supposed to tell him he's in pain. Not even he really knows why, but he doesn't really care.

This isn't always the case, which makes it arguably even more confusing. In casual environments if you were to slap his wrist or bonk him on the head, of course he'd feel it. In combat though? Not so much. If you were to ask people in the know, such as Nate, they would say Golds almost primal obsession with fighting, the pure love of bloody knuckle combat and desire to throw as many punches as he possibly can until his body breaks rewired his brain.

To that end, in a fight, Golds pain receptors do not work. I've always maintained that Gold is one of the most terrifying people anybody could ever face, even in fights they're winning and this, combined with the sheer presence he has on a battlefield is why. It does not matter what you do, stab him, shoot him , cut him open or break his arm it wont matter. He'll still glare at you with a wide eyed toothy grin , skin stained with his own blood as if you'd barely scratched him, fully prepared to keep fighting until his body gives out, but it will always give out before his so-called 'fighting spirit' does. If you're not careful, he might even try and punch you with the arm you just broke.

Naturally, this is horrific. Imagine a regular human being shrugging off a gunshot or a fractured rib , and then imagine that same human being has razor sharp teeth and sharp, feline eyes staring at you, happily licking his lips as he gets ready to pounce, shrugging off even the most gruesome of injuries as if it didn't matter. This is also , obviously, a horrible habit. A lack of total awareness of the damage he's taken doesn't equate to ignorance, it equates to dismissal. In most scenarios Gold's fully aware that whilst adrenaline has overridden his ability to 'feel' pain anymore, he's still aware that he's been fucked up. Its a conscious choice for him to persist in those scenarios regardless.

Perhaps thats just another reason why he's so terrifying. A look at his bare form would reveal a body so mangled and scarred that there's barely any skin left that doesn't have at least a few signs of old scratches. Its a testament to his almost super human endurance and force of will that he's commanded his body to survive and work as well as it does , seemingly without any tangible sign of a lasting consequence beyond the scars themselves. Whilst he's not a Picasso of gruesome war wounds or anything like that, most injuries are more shallow than others, the fact that he's always littered with cuts and scrapes, new and old, depicts somebody so committed to his vices and absolute refusal to surrender that they will always choose to risk his body to the point of shattering it over and over, rather than just throwing in the towel and licking his wounds.

[jintatk]

My Biggest Pineapple Promise

My girlfriend and I broke up 3 days ago and we're gonna go out to celebrate our friends birthday and this is my rendition of what i hope to happen

There's a lot of backstory to this but I'm just posting this for manifestation. maybe if people are interested I'll start writing!

*I catch Z or bump into Z while rollerblading or we keep bumping into each other in bubble bash because she genuinely hates me*

*we form a bit of chemistry, we laugh together but not a word spoken between us*

_she still utterly hates me and im too scared to open my mouth_

*after the game i gather all my courage and i go up to her*

*her friends all shoot sharp cold stares at me.*

"this boys fucking up our girl again, he's nothing but trouble" they think to themselves

*the tension is so think you could cut it with a knife, the silence is so deafening you could hear your own heartbeat, and mine was practically trying to escape my ribcage*

_gulp_

J: Z please lets give this one more try

Z: No I've had enough of you I'm never trying again

J: Please Z or real this time Z. No more fucking bullshit. No more getting mad at you and starting shit up every 2 days. no more bullshit jealousy. no more too shy or lazy to socialise. no more lazing around spending the day doing nothing. no more indecisiveness. no more pressure for sex. no more constant physical affection when you don't want it. ive changed. ive been changing slowly over the months but the past few days has been my metamorphosis. the pain i feel has been nothing short of extraordinary; a living hell. everything i felt, all the jealousy, anxiety and stress is really nothing in comparison to this. i know ive been shit for so long and ive been working on myself but now ive really had time to reflect and really i wont be so retarded anymore, i wont get overwhelmed by my emotions because i know now that nothing is worse than losing you. nothing.

Z: jinta im so sick and tired of all your shit, and i still cant forgive you for what you did.

J: i know youre sick if my shit, im sick of it too. i pineapple promise i changed. and you dont have to forgive me. you just have to love me more than you hate me. and I'll move the sun in order to make you happy. i promise. pineapple promise. I've always meant it when i pineapple promise but I've never meant it as much as now. things will change. ive already changed. i was always so worked up about how you dont love me but i realise i need to earn your love. ill show you i can be the future. ill be the boy you always knew i could be. ill be the man.

Z:...

J: I know, I don't deserve to be given another chance, that's why I'll earn it. I'll work so hard for the both of us, for our future, I'll love you so fucking much. Please just give it a go until the end of the year at least. let me prove it.

Z: It's too late jinta.

J: Please. Better late than never. The past is just Mr Kumar's class, it doesn't matter and It's okay if I'm late right?

Z: what the fuck are you saying

J: Okay nevermind. just... just please. its no use Z we gotta have it out.

Z: ... fine. just keep your fucking pineapple promise. alright?

J: alright. *hugs her and lifts her off the ground* thank you so much Z... *tears come pouring out my eyes* ive really missed you 🥹

[andromedaexists]

WUPDATE: Desecrate

𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙾𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟿𝚝𝚑 || 𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰

HI! IT'S BEEN A WHILE!! a lot has happened! just a general life update first: I started my post-baccalaureate and then immediately dropped out of it because what the fuck. i've applied for a masters program at tiffin university that's designed with working people in mind so hopefully that goes better. i've gotten a really big promotion at work and i think i'm staring down the barrel of another promotion soon. my health has gone to hell and back and to hell again. i published another book!! and so much more but i think that's all imma go into here for now!

Because now it's time to talk about Desecrate! The big news: I completely scrapped what I had and started from scratch a few months ago. I mean like fully got rid of everything, bought a dry erase calender, and started re-plotting from there.

There were a lot of reasons for this, but the biggest one was that the pacing wasn't right. I started writing Desecrate as a novella, and the pacing was still going as if it was a novella despite being drawn out into a novel.

So where are we now? Now, we're roughly 13k into draft 2 of the story! I'm really pushing to have this draft finished by the end of November so that I can send it to editing and start getting ARCs together.

There's been a lot of changes to fundamental parts of the story with this overhaul, and I'm very excited to start updating my intro and character pages to reflect them! Some of these changes include:

Benny's looks changing

Benny's place in the story (from a one-sided attraction to a Queer Platonic Partner)

the introduction of polyamory to the story

giving Kit more issues

toning down the sexual content while simultaneously ramping up the themes of sexual freedom

THE CHURCH FINALLY HAS A NAME

the formatting!! god i'm so excited to talk more about the way that i'm formatting this book it's so cool!!!

and more!

And with all that talked about, it's time to get to the fun part...

snippies time!

“Oh my God!” Benny gasps beside him. “Kitty, you never told me that you were a cheerleader!” She points to a photo in the center left of the wall, one from eighth grade. The year before they moved. The year before Kit’s life changed. A pang of sadness resounds through Kit as he looks as the picture. He was happy, truly happy then. He misses those much simpler times when he didn’t know who he was but that didn’t matter, that didn’t stop him from doing what he loved to do with the people he loved to do it with. “Yeah, for a few years until we moved to the city. I miss it a bit,” he responds. Kit isn’t sure he’d ever willingly step back into the grueling days of practice again, especially not if he was forced to wear one of those suffocatingly tight skits, but idealistically he missed the routine and the excuse to find himself attractive.

and another

“Penny for your thoughts, Mr. Michaels?” “Just thinking about the excellent lecture, professor, and trying to plan out some extra reading for this weekend to dig deeper into the creation of the canons on my own.” Professor Leonard smiles at him, she had always enjoyed talking about Kit’s niche study interests. “What about them caught your interest?” she asks. Kit holds the door open for the professor as she situates her belongings in her arms so she can grab her cane.

and maybe one more:

Irritated, he answers the call. “Yes?” “Kitty!” Benny’s voice comes through the phone bright and loud. Kit takes a breath in, closing his eyes as he does so. “When are you coming to pick me up? You are coming to pick me up today, aren’t you?” “Shit, I lost track of time Ben. I’m leaving the library right now, I’ll be there in ten.” “Okay! I’ll see you then, love. Be safe!” she says before hanging up on him. Kit listens to the dead line for a moment before opening his eyes and setting his phone down.

and some texts, for good measure:

More updates to come!! I'm not sure if I'll be able to get these updates out every week, but I'll try!

TAGLIST

@lockejhaven @mr-writes @eleanordaze @flowerprose @starlitpage @dogmomwrites @annetilney @ceph-the-ghost-writer @inkspellangel @outpost51 @love-whatit-loves @bebewrites @smol-feralgremlin

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