#and we'll never know what she said
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Jaiden: Cucurucho, you have a lot of power, right?
Cucurucho: ...I don't know. Maybe.
Roier: Ah... Yes, you know, don't act like a dumbass, you have it. You have it, man. Eh?
Jaiden: Is there a way for us to protect all the Eggs? Do you know? I don't want anything to happen to the Eggs that happened to Bobby.
Cucurucho: Ha ha ha
Roier: WHAT? [Smacks Cucurucho]
Jaiden: [Bops him] Headpats.
Cucurucho: Maybe.
Jaiden: [Continues to bop him] Headpats. C'mon, I can get it out of you! Headpats! Chin scratches! Belly rubs!
Roier: [Joins Jaiden in bopping Cucurucho, chuckling and laughs]
Jaiden: Yeah? He's comin' around!
[Jaiden and Roier both laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#Roier#Cucurucho#QSMP#Jaiden#Animations Family#There is. So much I could say about these three#and so much I could say about their relationship / interactions with Cucurucho and Osito Bimbo#Cards on the table... I really would have loved it if Cucurucho / Osito genuinely cared about Jaiden#I mean I know they DID care about her to some extent that much is clear#But they / the Federation were also ABSOLUTELY using her. I'm not arguing that they weren't#But how could anyone not be charmed by Jaiden? The boba the tea parties the head pats–#The empathy and kindness and everything that made q!Jaiden who she was–#Cucurucho and Osito were tools of the Federation but I do want to believe they cared about Jaiden. Albeit in their own fricked up way#I dunno. I know this sounds like massive copium probably but I watched all of her and Roier's streams interacting with them#and I personally think that conflict and duality makes for a more interesting story#But that's just me and my own personal biases. I dunno how to properly put it into words but I am cradling them all close to my heart#I loved Cucurucho / Osito and I thought they were interesting and I'm SO SAD we'll never know what Jaiden did for them in the past#Anyways. For anyone who's read this far into my rant– you know how Cucurucho saved the Eggs and Jaiden said she died in Purgatory?#I like imagining that she survived the bomb and wound up finding the Eggs in the aftermath#and she helped them survive until Cucurucho found them#I imagine that Jaiden was the reason they were able to escape from the Island / The Watcher / ElQuackity#She stayed behind to slow down their pursuers. And Cucurucho rescuing all the Eggs fulfilled his agreement with Jaiden—#A promise to protect the Eggs#Like I said a lot of this is copium but that's what I like imagining#TLDR: Cucurucho / Osito did care about her in a weird way but that doesn't mean they weren't manipulating her#May 31 2023#Idk man I got a lot of emotions about q!Jaiden#Roier too but I feel like I've done way more analysis posts about him and Cucurucho. Jaiden needs time in the spotlight#Anyways there's my monthly tag rant
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*lovingly tackles Aine*
Read my Yandere! Pierro longfics first ♪( ´▽`)
Last week, my beloved mutual @ainescribe surprised me with Savior! Darling fan art and AHAI9232@2-!/! CRYING SCREAMING I WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ART AND WORSHIP YOUR VERSION OF SAVIOR THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR ART—
*clears throat* Anyway, now that I finally have the time to properly sit down and comment on the fan art, I’ll do just that. Feedback will be in the tags and it will be unhinged. Once again, thank you so much to Aine for drawing this <3
#feedback#fan art#ainescribe#AIIINE ;-; once again. thank you so much!! it rlly means a lot to me that you enjoyed my writing and felt inspired to draw this :'>#and as someone who loves fashion and character design. it's so so interesting to analyze your version of savior#there's so much symbolism and visual storytelling in each sketch/ outfit and i shall now proceed to pick apart each detail as best as i can#her snezhnayan fit.....god i love it. it's regal. distinctively snezhnayan. and draws attention to her--and you just know that was pierro's#intention when he dressed her in those garments. IT'S JUST SO...!! savior's wardrobe scrubbed clean of her original culture and preferences#replaced with the foreign garments of her captor's nations.....in line with this. i love how her kokoshnik and khaenri'ahn earrings are big#and attention-grabbing. you can't look at her without taking note of those accessories. it begs the question:: how many times has savior#looked at the mirror after being dressed up in snezhnaya and was unable to recognize her own reflection?? :'>#also shoutout to some details aine shared with me: 1) the face marks are inspired by weeping angels 2) the kokoshnik was traditionally worn#by married noblewomen BUT the veil was normally for unmarried women so savior's outfit can be seen as a form of compliance + rebellion#(though later on in history it became accepted for married women to also wear that veil. also my apologies if what i said is inaccurate)#lastly shoutout to savior's expression!! very poised and mysterious....due to her emotional state or pierro's rules on how to act as his#spouse in public?? we'll never know~ the first drawing hits even harder when you compare it to the next one!! such an interesting contrast~#savior in her plain attire. casual and domestic with a smile on her face....i'm guessing this is her pre-fatui version?? she looks so warm#and friendly. and i can definitely understand why pierro fell for her smile <3#also i fucking love the caption. sorry pierro but you are cursed to be a loser/ simp/ pathetic man in all of my fics and AUs xD#NOW ONTO GODDESS! SAVIOR AAAHHHH!! i love the greek goddess motifs. she looks so regal and awe-inspiring but in a different way from her#snezhnayan attire--archaic. divine. and more suited to her personal style.....yet both versions of her look so painfully isolated :'>#her blank eyes. emotionless face. and veil give me the vibes of a spooky victorian ghost...or would a statue/ portrait be more fitting??#the lack of a necklace is also an interesting design choice given what happens in the fic. and now i realized i forgot to comment on your#version of her snezhnayan necklace oops. similar to the kokoshnik and earrings. the size + grandeur makes it impossible to ignore#that and big jewels = expensive af. ohhh and i love the sparkles on her veil!! pierro rlly spared no expense in dressing up his wifey <3#it's also funny how all of these outfits are similar to my own version in terms of 'savior wore grand clothing during her glory days as a#goddess -> wore simple attire after her decline for practicality and to blend in with humans/ disassociate from her old identity -> is now#dressed in even grander clothing as the harbinger's spouse. but it's used to reinforce her new identity and pierro's control over her'#tldr:: your design is so creative and i can see the effort you put in analyzing her character and depicting her based on your interpretatio#thank you for being my mutual + reader and i hope we can share even more harbinger/darling brainrot in the future :>
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You win some: find out one of the undergrads in lab is into f1
You lose some: find out she's a staniel (and maybe a chirlie) within 30 seconds of speaking 🫠
#i walked up in my mclaren sweatshirt and she goes ''oh you like f1? how are you liking all the drama with lando right now? 🤭''#and i said ''not at all actually because he's my fave and it's made me have to get off social media 😩''#cue to her saying she never liked lando after how he treated daniel. i said ''but he didnt even do anything.''#and shes goes ''we'll have to agree to disagree''#like im sorry what? ma'am what? im not a gate keeper against dts converts (since i am one myself) but maybe we can just this once a little#but also i pulled up wearing a mclaren sweatshirt. you had to know there was at least a 50/50 chance thats who i was for 💀#suffice to say i will not be speaking with her about anything. ill focus my energy on the carlos fan in my class instead#taylor talks
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🌸Them🌸
#ssv#smallartist#own art#oc#seto kaiba#yugioh au#canon x oc#Bondshipping#them#Im such a sucker for warm drawings like this#Soft abd cuddly drawings#wholesome#gt fluff#gt community#giant/tiny#sizetumblr#i wonder what Eve is so happy about#is she laughing at something Kaiba said?#is she just smiling?#we'll never know#The amount of comfort they have for each other tho 🥲#Originally this was supposed to be a comparison with an old drawing i did back in 2020#A redraw if you will#but im not going to share the original because EUGH
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Agnes edition
Who would have thought? 🤭
Agnes "Nes" Sigrún 🌑RO: James Corvin
Personality: sincerity // cautious // friendly // merciful Traits: heart // compliance // believer Past affinity: writing [horror stories] Primary ability: empathetic impressions Past susceptibility: receptive
☀️Fernweh: She never really thought about leaving Fernweh… It was her place, near her family and friend(s). She felt good there and assumed she’s gonna spend her whole life happily in this little town. Even if Fernweh brings back devastating memories, she’s curious about what’s happening in Fernweh now, in her true home. It’s always been her dream to work in Turn The Page, and during her ‘short’ stay in Fernweh, she started thinking about it again. Why not stay for longer…? She would love to carry on her grandfather’s work and bring his legacy justice.
☀️Grandpa Jóhann: When she was young, she had an amazing relationship with her grandpa. They were completely honest with each other, and she loved him wholeheartedly. Some people thought that making her grandpa proud was her main hobby. She used to tell him all about her dreams that she had, which were always wild... and also about the nightmares… It took her by surprise when her grandpa, one of the most important people in her life, started being less involved. She was hurt and began to wonder if she had done something to cause the distance between them. His decision to move her out of Fernweh so quickly after this tragic event made a huge impact on her mental state. She needed time to cope and be with her closest ones, especially her grandpa...but after all she didn't blame him. She often heard that she looked exactly like her mother…like her grandpa's daughter... She assumed he could not look at her, without thinking about her... And she could not blame him for wanting to escape that pain. Agnes knew it was the best thing that her grandpa could do for him, and she accepted it, too eagerly. She always too eagerly took the blame for everything.
☀️Beckett Warrick: After what happened in Fernweh after James she had even more trouble interacting with other people and making new friends… However, Beckett was an exception. He was the first person who got to truly know her after the events in Fernweh. When she got the letter about her Grandpa, she considered hiding the truth from him, because she knew deep down that he would be there for her if she needed him… even if he would not particularly enjoy it. It's a good thing she’s such a bad liar… Her main concern is about Beckett’s well-being. She noticed that this 'little' trip made a huge impact on him. He wasn’t supposed to be here, and it’s because of her that he–... She needs to make sure that nothing happens to her friend. And she will somehow manage to bring him back to his home.
☀️Reese Verner: They had an unconventional relationship. Reese saw her as a rival, while Agnes thought of him as a friend. She was confused about why Verner, someone of great importance, would even look at her see her as a rival. She knew there were better candidates for his games. She had only one question on her mind - “why?”. Despite Verner's playful teasing, Agnes always remained polite and friendly towards him, even when he attempted to push her boundaries. Girl knew how to keep her true feelings behind a warm smile she still does. If I can be completely honest… Agnes was rather shocked that Reese still remembered her… and was actually looking for her, which sounded so unbelievably. His concern for Milton's well-being made her see him in a slightly different light. Of course, she already knew Reese had a good heart, but his behaviour really touched her. Additionally, Agnes noticed that Reese and James’ relationship became stronger and deeper… It’s for the best. James deserves someone as dependable as Reese. He will always be there for James.
☀️Sofia Dorran: Their bond was formed over a shared admiration for books and... the color blue. It may sound funny now, but these things became central to their lives and deepened their friendship. Sofia was the first person Agnes entrusted with her writing, and valued her honest feedback, knowing that Sofia would not make her feel bad if something needed improvement. They frequently borrowed books from each other's collections. Agnes yearned for the days when she and Sofia had reading sessions together, sipping on their favorite beverage. The only issue back then was when the book ended poorly or their library didn't have any new positions for them to read. She's willing to know how Sofia's taste toward books shifted (if shifted) and how she changed as a person. She's also extremely grateful because her grandfather received constant care from Sofia and her mother.
🌑James Corvin: …Do I really need to tell you that James was her first crush? And that she never found the courage to tell him so? maybe now will be the time? Agnes and James were always together, wherever one went the other followed. They were inseparable. Agnes even used to bake oatmeal cookies for James with her mother's help. They dreamed of their idyllic life together. As friends, obviously. Seeing him again after all those years was much harder than she anticipated. Agnes felt overwhelmed with stress from the moment she stepped out of her car. Every time she heard his surname, she unknowingly flinched. Her mind was full of questions about his well-being, life, and changes. She couldn't help but wonder if he would be happy to see her. …she did manage to hold his hand for a moment, I can consider it as a success
☀️Alex Corvin: Agnes has always looked up to Alex for their adventurous spirit and their willingness to embrace life to the fullest. She has always wanted to adopt a bit of Alex' wild side. Whenever they are around, boredom and dullness seem to disappear. They both share similar values and support each other's life goals. If I would say which person Agnes was the most willing to meet during her stay in Fernweh that would be Alex. She was confident in their friendliness towards everybody and was sure that their kindness had not wavered. Agnes was touched when she heard that Alex was looking after her grandfather's bookstore… It appears that Beckett has a new admirer, which Agnes wholeheartedly approves of.
☀️Mal: Agnes has a sense that Mal might be suspicious, but she is quite naive and doesn't believe that he could mean trouble. Although she is wary of him and finds him a little untrustworthy, Agnes believes in being kind to everyone, and she is willing to give Mal a chance, not judging him by her own impressions of him.
☀️Goldie: Agnes is grateful that her grandfather had a furry companion like Goldie, who probably managed to brighten his spirits. She fondly recalls how her grandfather would tell her stories when he once had a dog, when he was younger and how his eyes would light up with joy as he shared his story. Agnes is committed to taking excellent care of Goldie and ensuring her safety.
#don't get me started how she is BLAMING herself for the situation Beckett is rn. she needs to go back for her theraphy sesions right away#that's why she went with him into the woods looking for Milton and not James even so she wanted to spent every single second with him :sob:#she's conflicted. being with James is something that she dreamed of but in her opinion he deserves someone better //obviously//#...that's why she's cheering for James and Reese lol. Look she just wants James and Reese to be happy and she can see how those two care of#-each other. She's happy : )#she's an idiot 🙂#is there a potential happy ending for the three of them..? maybeeee. we'll see what the story will bring 👀#im totally confident that Sofia and Agnes had their own shared little library#Agnes wrote a poem for James when she was young but it wasn't really her forte. that's why she showed it to Sofia because she knew she will#-help her. //Agnes didn't want to tell for who it was but Sofia figured it out anyway. they both knew that the other knew but weren't-#-talking about it out loud. XD it was hilarious -- for me and I assume Sofia but Agnes was terrified. XDD//#....cough James never saw this poem anyway cough...#I have this headcanon that Agnes made up amazing horror stories that James was willing to hear (for a bunch of oatmeal cookies) when-#-they had a sleepover //those stories were from her nightmares but she never said that to James knowing he would only worry about her//#btw her parents called her 'little star' and James must have heard it and (maybe?) asked Sofia to make a necklace... Sun and Moon.#did you know that Agnes had her piece of the Sun as her necklace for the WHOLE TIME. but she hid it away under shirt... x"D she was looking#-if James had his Moon somewhere... but she did not see it. anyway she wears it always.#omg i finally made it. there's also one in my drafts nearly finished and three more to go. XD#sooo curious about book two <3#fernweh saga#my art?#Spotify#oc: agnes sigrun
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@beatingheart-bride
"I know, I know, but..."
But what if we could've changed it? Both brothers were asking themselves the same question, over and over again, wondering endlessly if they had been there with their family...would the outcome have been any better?
Could I have helped Willy overcome the drink? Would he not have drowned, had I been there? If we'd given them some money, if we'd been able to pitch in, would June not have gotten so sick, working herself like that?
Could we have kept those awful people from going after our nephew like that? Could we have made it so that he wasn't always so stepped on?
If I'd been there, I would've stopped that man...if I'd just been there, Randall and his lady love, they would've lived...!
All these thoughts continued to pile up in their minds, crashing into one another hard and fast, until June touched the pair's arms, pulling them out of their thoughts as she said, "There's no use dwelling on the past-what's done is done, there's no changing it. We've all made our peace with our lives, and our deaths. We're together now, and at the end of the day, that's what matters the most to us."
"I knew it'd be...hard to hear," Wilhelm said-understatement of the year, of course, and he winced a little saying it, before he continued, "But I didn't want to keep that secret from you. I wanted you to know-you...you deserved to know. You're my brothers, and...I just can't imagine keeping something that big from you."
Neither brother said anything more, instead settling for embracing their youngest brother, practically picking him up and off the ground when they did: It was a lot to swallow, a lot to take in, and they were sure the guilt would linger for a good long while...
...but they knew now, for better or worse. And at the very least, they were reunited now with Wilhelm, and that was worth its weight in gold to them both. There was a lot of catching up to do-and hopefully, the good stories outweighed the bad.
"Why don't we go downstairs?" Randall ventured to suggest-something to drink and some lighter conversation was in order.
#((i admit that i'm very skeptical of the claims christina crawford made about her mother))#((of course i want to believe a potential victim! i don't want to assume the worst of some either!))#((but i also have some skepticism nonetheless; particularly because joan's other children))#((have strongly contested christina's claims and poked a lot of holes in them))#((and overall casting a lot of doubt on what she's said! i imagine we'll never truly know like you said))#((given joan's been gone for several decades now and we only have christina's word to go on))#((so i admit; i'm on the fence! i want to believe potential victims like i said; i do!))#((but i also want to listen to all the evidence; so i'm kinda stuck in-between; unsure who to believe!))#((i don't doubt that joan wasn't always a perfect mother; she came from a neglectful household))#((with a mother who always favored her abusive brother and kicked joan out as opposed to her rotten husband))#((and i'm sure that had a profound effect on joan as such...but i dunno; i'm on the fence; i admit!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Two Worlds; One Family
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not to rant and vent and generally be annoying on main but to have it confirmed that my father wanted to take one cat whilst my mother took the other in the divorce ... reeling tbh
#we have two cats. he loves one to bits and doesn't care about the other#if he had his way we wouldn't have the second cat#my mum adores both#but the first one was in place of a child ... that she didn't want to have with my father.#he's very special to us all#we've had him 16 years#and i suspected my dad would try to pull the 'well you're taking one cat so i'll take the other'#but turns out he said it to her#in an email .......#they live in the same house.#but that's how they have to communicate now#anyway. mum obviously said No#but he's left her on email-read#idk what we'll do but she's not leaving the cat she's loved for 16 years#with someone who also does love him but likely won't bother to let her see him#god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck#he's so old as well#and father has never been on the ball with vet stuff#it's never been his job#he doesn't know we've been trying hard to look after the cat's kidneys#and he won't listen to my mum about it since he won't talk to her#kjhsgdfctgyui;okakwlemjnsvgdcfhtyulios;akd.lcjmbhnvghsagdjy#rant over i hope#i cant leave it all like this. but i have to for my own sanity and also third year of uni#helppppppppppppp#i want to spend my whole life chatting to my mum in the kitchen#if i could do that for eternity i'd be happy#but i have to leave and she's leaving too#and i'll now spend half my parent-visiting time#trying to pretend they both mean the same to me
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when you express your feelings to one of your parents and they take it as a personal attack..................
#like no because i was telling my mum for years that i cant just have a film degree and then walk into the industry#i kept telling her i have to make my own stuff to build up my portfolio cause the reality is they don't give af abt degrees#they just want to know if u can do what u say u can and she would constantly discourage me from making my own stuff#and now she wants to call me to say that shes encouraging me to pursue my dreams like... this always fucking happens#i will say i need to do something and she will disregard it or or shut it down and then years down the line she will tell me#to do what i was suggesting years before that... and when i tell her i said this years before she gets upset and starts yelling#when i told her shes been constantly discouraged me from making my own stuff for 3 years she started telling me its not true#because she helped me apply to a bunch of film residentials etc when that's not what im saying???? im saying when i#told her i wanted to work on personal projects. just because im excited she would shut it down immediately im not talking abt#you helping me find out about the bfi film academy??? but now she wants to push me to do it.... telling me about it like I've never#spoken to her about this before. she still has the mentality of no matter what age you are everything you say shouldn't be taken into#account because im older than you and i automatically know whats best. this happens all the time#all i can say is she actually apologised because in the past she used to never say sorry. i would just tell her im sorry and we'll leave#ot at that but atleast she said sorry. even tho she kept saying 'im sorry if u felt i discouraged you' like she still doesn't believe#what im saying. unsolicited advice but the advice is just shit i said to her years before..... its so infuriating#its why i rarely ever talk to her
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wait. i just realized. i might have been asked on a date or something similar a few months ago. and i refused. oh no.
#i don't know if i've told you about this girl i went to school with (well kinda. she's 2 year youngers but we were aware of our existance)#(she was in the school band for starters. and she's in a band still!)#anyways. i don't know if i told you about how she was one of the candidates for the local psoe party for the municipal elections#and how she actually is now a concejala (councellor? what are town hall members called in english?)#well i was interacting with her a lot during the campaign and we talked and stuff#cause i was really proud of her and also. psoe is as left as my town is capable of going so i voted for them and was interested in their#proposals and stuff#anyways she asked me to come to a meeting or to have some drinks a couple of times#i said no to all of them. like a fool#and she sometimes likes my stories (i also like hers but cause i genuinelly like her stuff!!)#i thought she had a partner but. yesterday she showed up on bumbl#e#i panicked a lot and i swiped left (so a 'no')#and now i'm realising what might had happened#i wouldn't be against dating her she's super pretty but i just. never imagined i was like in her league lol#tbh this could all be me conflating things and she never had any romantic intention#we'll never know i guess <3
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thinking about heathers was a mistake now im thinking about our love is god again
#why did they name it that. answer quickly#we can start and finish wars we're what killed the dinosaurs we're the asteroid that's overdue!!!!#they said sure let's put jules's favorite rehabilitative vs punitive justice themes into a musical and also make it a high school thing#and also make every song slap immensely. why did they do that#jules.txt#m: heathers#the way veronica sings along at first! because she gets caught up into it! she agrees with him!!!#''they could have been good but now we'll never know''#is just#so.
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mw3 spoilers etc :
idk if its just a coincidence but pre mw3 i saw tons of people complaining that makarov might be gone in one game and saying he needed to be built up more, and now i see a ton of people complaining he survived 😵💫
the campaign was *shorter* than i thought it would be, so killing him off wouldn't be impactful unless the campaign was waaay longer. i also don't doubt that part of the reason the release was pushed earlier than initially planned (it was either originally a smaller dlc or was supposed to come out 2024) was because of the microsoft acquisition so idk how much its the writers fault vs deadlines forcing the story to be shorter.
just kind of interesting how information about this has been known for months but the tumblr side of the fandom (and fans who don't play the game to be blunt) don't seem at all aware
#its really a case of he said she said for what it was supposed to be#and we'll probably never know. but i think theres a lot of buisness bullshit that forced an unrealistic deadline#reasonable reputable leakers seem to agree that it was at some point dlc (at some point might be as early as before pre production though)#cae rambles#mw3 spoilers
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No but sometimes I am so tired of playing therapist/neurotypicals translator for my neurodivergent friend like. It's exhausting, to have to be the one to explain why your friend got upset when you just signed her up for the same study group as yourself without asking her first or letting her sign up for what group she wanted herself.
Like. I am good at patiently explaining these things, which is why she always asks me about these things but it's exhausting. But also therapy isn't very accessible and she doesn't have anyone else who really gets her problems understanding stuff to the same level I do so....
Then another friend who doesn't do this on this level but who does go on about how great it is that we can kinda laugh about neurodivergent problems together and such and how amazing it is and how she never really talked about these things with anyone else, which I agree it's great to have someone to talk about it but? The way she phrases it, puts a lot of pressure on me and makes it kinda weird? Like it's this great secret we're sharing? Especially since we haven't known each other all that long?
And like. Idk. I get it, I get to you it's amazing to have someone to talk about this to, someone who gets some of your struggles, someone who talks very openly and happily about being neurodivergent but. Man. I'm great but I'm not an expert in all things neurodivergent. I'm not?? Idk I'm not "special" for having adhd or for talking openly about it, I'm just some perfect life coach, I don't have my own life together, all I've got going for me is that I know what my problems are and that I'm not super afraid to talk about them
Idk. It's just exhausting. Like.... These two in particular just have vibes of kinda putting me on a pedestal (though in different ways) and that just makes me uncomfortable but also idk how to set boundaries there bc "stop telling me that I'm awesome" is. Hmm. It's not like that's what they do. They just imply it. They imply that things I do or say that really aren't anything special are somehow amazing and like??? Idk man I'm just me? Compliment me for the things I do that are actually awesome, not like... For agreeing to do a fun thing with you? I don't do it out of?? Pity? Or whatever? I want to do the fun thing?
#idk it's weird#the second one especially bc like... the first one I've figured out how to set boundaries mostly#she exhausts me sometimes but it's ok#but the second one? it's so weird like? idk she makes me uncomfortable sometimes#like we originally started meeting up to study and obviously ended up chatting quite a bit during that too#and she sends me like. several paragraphs long messages shortly after our meetups end several times?#that almost read like she's reviewing our conversation? it just. i don't like it#like... idk. it makes me uncomfy when ppl who don't know me that well go on about how good it was to talk to me about x or y#or how they usually don't have such great convos or whatever#like.... it feels... like they are very quickly creating an idea of who i am and what i am like in their head#and even if that idea of me is very positive it's still not accurate and it puts a lot of pressure on me to then... be that person i guess?#idk idk#and now this whole neurodivergent thing... like she basically said ''ive never told anyone this'' and i said well you don't have to#tell me your exact diagnosis or anything it's fine#and she didn't and I'm glad bc that would put even more pressure on me#but like she made it a whole Thing and i get even saying ''i'm neurodivergent'' out loud is big for her and that's great#but again. why me. we've known each other for like 3 months. please slow down there#yes I'm awesome but you're projecting ways in which i am awesome that are not real#and you don't even know about some of the ways i am indeed awesome#idk i really don't. we'll see.#trouble is i do like her and i do wanna be friends but man stop assigning me as your best friend forever please you'll get disappointed#this post went far away from it's original point and is now about so many different things#it's fine#rant#personal
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AAAAAUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHH
#barry.txt#taylor swift#<- just so you know#when your midas touch on the chevy door november flush and your flannel cure this dorm was once a madhouse i made a j#oke well its made for me how. evergreen our group of friends dont think we'll say that word again and soon theyll have the nerve to deck th#e halls that we once walked through one for the money two for the show i never was ready so i watched you go sometimes you just dont kn#ow the answer til someones on their knees and asks you she wouldve made such a lovely bride#WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEAD!!!!!#they said but youll find the real thing instead#shell patch up the tapestry that i shred.#wait is she doing tolerate it
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Ya boi got a new medicine and a therapist.
#i had another psychiatrist appointment after a year! (i tend to neglect my mental health)#ive been dealing with a lot of paranoid thoughts and shit and so i told her#and she decided to put me on abilify#one of my friends takes abilify! we'll be abilify buddies#and ive realized that i need therapy#ive had a lot of shit happen to me in the last few years#and ive just been ignoring it instead of dealing with it#and now i cant ever sit alone with my thoughts because all of that shit comes to haunt me#i just dont know how to deal with it on my own#and for awhile i swore i would never go back to therapy. because my first therapist was a piece of shit#'just get used to the fact that your best friend might die so that it doesnt hurt so much if it happens' -about my suicidal best friend#'think about what your mom's going through' -about my transphobic mom who made me want to kill myself#but i realized that my life and mental state is only going to get worse if i dont deal with the shit ive got going on#and when i called to schedule. i just called for the first available therapist. and the guy said 'oh she'll be perfect for you'#and i trust this man that ive never met#i looked up the therapist. she seems lovely#she better be because i have like four appointments scheduled. the man on the phone did that so i wouldnt lose out on any appointments#he was very kind#im glad im gonna get some help. still scared. but looking forward to it
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teaching my grandma how to make bread for dinner tomorrow night bc "yeast scares her" and feeling almost like a real person ! wild times
#she thought my sweater i started was cool and said she was proud of me and you know what i'm Also proud of me#my cables and my tension are even as fuck and they look so nice and it's not even Blocked yet i'm so so happy with it#oh wait i never posted about it. i started the handsome chris 'knives out' sweater in a light gray yarn and it is beyooteeful <3#perhaps there is hope for this fanily visit after all ! we'll see what church does to my mood (i can't see this going well but i can dream)#a post
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