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Ok maybe kinda of a weird question you don't have to answer if you don't want to but I've seen some people saying that Chilchuck is canonically misogynistic so, as the Chilchuck especialist, do you have an opinion about that?
Anon you are brave and I love you. Listen if you, person reading this, get peeved or upset when people say Chilchuck might have had not insignificant flaws as a father and husband then probably stop reading here, we will be looking at Chilchuck like a petri dish and defile his pristine allure. Tldr: yes but actually no but really both at the same time aka people & social dynamics are complex and please let your blorbos be flawed. With that said I will be pretty casual and playful if that wasn’t clear already, sorry.
"Aren’t you happy to be in a harem party" "No it’s soul-crushing save me". Toshiro has been drinking his fear women juice since he was young, surrounded by an assassin nanny and her fellow assassin girlies, meanwhile Chilchuck having flashbacks of getting wrung out by his 4 women household…
Waiting on people is something we see he hates doing a couple times throughout canon and extras, here and how he says "it’s not a date" -bless his summer child heart- he frames being slow to get ready as a gendered trait to have? But I can forgive him for this one because honestly the framing of the whole page leans into that, it’s kinda questionable if we’re being highly critical of anything misogynistic or regressive. But it itself is the classic subversive "Women are desirable wallflowers— Wrong! They are a monstrous ruthless force that wears on the mind, body and soul" trope. I don’t fault Kui though, I got giggles from it, it makes sense for everyone’s characters, and Kui has never shied from gendered dynamics in her worldbuilding & characters so it’s not like she’ll write as if sex changes nothing and no one has opinions about it.
Alright alright let’s step back from analyzing this page specifically and get back to the question, is Chilchuck canonically misogynistic? It’s a complex question not because we don’t have hints but because it’s a very black and white answer to give and because misogynistic can be very wide or pretty narrow depending on how the term is applied.
What I would say? Yes, he is, in a realistic way that doesn’t automatically make him a piece of shit, though that doesn’t mean it isn’t uncomfortable or harmful. On the spectrum of misogyny he classifies to me as "It’s in the normalized lighthearted way of being a horny uncle who’s a little too loose about it around the dinner table", he’s a solid "He wants to treat women as pieces of meat and jokes about it but in actuality he’s a gentleman and a family careerman who has a job so he don’t really care about that rn".
Going back to Toshiro’s party, Chilchuck being weird about it being full of women doesn’t even happen only once but TWICE. I made a compilation of every time he’s crass, happens less than you might expect but the overall picture it gives throughout reading the manga is pretty straightforward. Repeatedly he’s shown to be dirty-minded and shown to objectify & sexualize women both lightheartedly and unprompted. They’re a punchline and they’re eye candy and it’s "of COURSE my succubus would be young women, of COURSE women would desire a muscled statue’s [redacted], of COURSE women are sexual beings and of course I am attracted to them".
Dungeon Meshi doesn’t bring up sexuality much and gendered dynamics tend to be more subtle than you’d expect from media in general, so there’s that, but I honestly struggle to think of any character that acts less normal about women existing than him. Like yeah he’s joking but Hien, Benichidori, Inutade and Maizuru were just breathing and doing their jobs. Who else’s misogynistic uhh, that guy working for the shadow governor that licks Cithis’ ear when she’s bound in ropes? The sheer jump from ‘makes demeaning jokes about women’ to ‘assaulter’ between these two, god.
Honestly it does feel odd to me that he’d be kinda demeaning like that about women even in a workplace setting —Chilchuck the union man out of everyone?— but Kui has spoken man idk, think what you will don’t shoot the messenger. It’s not like he’s weird about Namari? I guess he respects her too much- Wait that sounded wrong. Maybe it’s literally just because she and the other women party members are his direct coworkers, in line with his rule and all? But yeah, even if he canonically had a thing for blondes and pretty young women he has managed to only tease Marcille ceaselessly for fun & entertainment and make her hair extra shiny as his shapeshifter, you get a good behavior star there Chilchuck. He complains on waiting for Marcille to get ready in the barometz chapter and the first anime ED but he also does with Laios when he’s late to meet up the party in extras. He constantly pulls on Marcille to get her to safety as if she can’t protect herself but she’s referred to as clumsy a lot so he has that justified reasoning. He constantly berates everyone so no point to make there. He undermines Marcille’s opinions often but it’s because he dislikes mages and elves and idealism. Clearly Chilchuck knows women can be capable and clearly he can have women coworkers (and friends! Again, Namari) without belittling or sexualizing them, clearly he can be normal about women and knows that some of his attitude can be inappropriate. It’s just harmless fun to him, that he keeps for occasional playful banter and taverns and the ‘right’ moods.
And as I mentioned earlier! Chilchuck is also pretty gentlemanly and protective. As always desires vs wants and instinct vs rationality show up as themes. Yes his succubus aka his ideal, the deepest allure he can imagine, is beautiful naked women, but a chapter just before that was the bicorn, all about how faithful and virtuous he is, how his heart’s in the right place. His brain is virtuous but his heart is monkey. My point is that when it counts, aka 90% of the time and when things are serious, we don’t see signs of sexist bias and he treats women well. Often takes on a protector role or at the least takes them seriously, even Benichidori. He doesn’t want to hurt women or thinks they’re insignificant or anything. He’ll give a handkerchief to a woman in need with a slimy face.
Okay okay this is really entering speculation territory but in my own tally, the way he dismissed his wife’s ‘bad mood’ as some meaningless tantrum that he shouldn’t think any more deeply about, him starting out not reaching out to her as a resentful silent treatment, and her getting dissatisfied in the first place enough to leave makes me think he took her for granted and was kinda dismissive of her in general. Marcille’s theorical scenario is hypothetical and factually untrue at least in parts, but if we do follow it, him forgetting he’s out with his wife for once (in the precious counted time he’s home spending time with her) and not paying attention to her all outing, resulting in her being left out of conversations and just an ornament beside him the way she might have felt for a long time as his housewife waiting home for him to come back………
Editing this paragraph in: Okay I don’t know how I missed mentioning this but, when he’s asked why his wife left him, Chilchuck literally point blank thinks that being thought to have cheated on his wife is LESS SHAMEFUL than not knowing the reason why (due to poor communication skills or whatnot). It’s so ridiculous that it can be hard to see beyond it as a gag or twist, but make of this what you will but this is not a great look for his priorities and his view of women especially in regards to toxic masculinity, good lord. When I talk about him having a sense of being entitled to his wife and dismissive of her emotions that’s sort of what I mean. He thinks it’s better for people to think he mistreated his wife and did something terrible than just failed at keeping her affection for reasons he doesn’t grasp. His pride, both in giving her the silent treatment and doing damage control when talking about it to others like Marcille and coworkers, takes priority over their relationship and love.
Half-foots seem to be patriarchal. The last section of this essay’s chapter (not by me!) + combing through its half-foot chapter should give you insight on that if you want. It’s in their patronymic, it’s in the way marriage seems very important especially for women, and it’s in the implied gender roles, being a housewife whose life revolves around raising her husband’s kids and taling care of the family home waiting for her husband who’s out working to come back. I think Chilchuck is a bit a result of his environment and upbringing in that way, that most of the misogyny is internalized and subconscious and passive, it’s taking his wife for granted because not only does she trust her, his most precious person he’s known since he was a kid, but because she’s his wife, his woman, conceptually something that’s unwaveringly devoted, something that is very valued and enforced in half-foot communities. Here’s a short post on half-foot family bonds culturally + here’s a post on marriage and half-foots for more. The community aspect of half-foots is very strong, which makes sense especially for how empoverished and discriminated against they are, which does come at the expense of not unlike dwarves (dwarves which half-foots idolize) having more pressure to fit in and have a good reputation to not be cast out and have no support lines. By being scared and needing stability people will often be more conservative, etc etc, though the reverse is also often true, like Chilchuck with his union. But yes Chilchuck seems to have many biases he clings onto, harsh on especially Marcille and Laios, Marcille for her idealism, race and magic meanwhile Laios for his lack of social skills and ‘reckless’ behavior.
He also does the classic "Don’t you dare date my daughter!!", though it’s a bit up in the air because he only gets agitated about coworkers being suitors, not nearly as hostile to the idea when it’s some nameless dwarf. But y’know when a guy assumes every men is as horny and sleazy as they are so they’re like "never trust men"… Chilchuck does embody a lot the tropes of just, the everyday flawed middle aged man. The absentee father and careerman husband who does care despite it all. Disillusioned grumpy old man. Old divorced drunkard joe with a thing for cute young blonde women, as a friend put it.
We know Kui subverses tropes a lot, I definitely think Kui leans into these if nothing else for the bit. He’s tropes of the strict family Father, man doing inappropriate jokes around a beer with his drinking buddies, working man exhausted and frustrated by his job, midlife crisis. Also because of how he acts with Marcille, I always say he’s the boy on the playground pulling on the pigtails of his girl friend bc he thinks it’s funny. Because he thinks she’s pretty.
So point blank, Chilchuck respects women as individuals but he can get a little lost in the sauce when thinking about women in general and jumps to sexualizing them in ways that can be objectifying and dismissive. Casual lowkey misogyny for the bit that may or may not slip into non-jokes as well sometimes when it comes to seeing women as something inherently to defend or take for granted, though he’s well-meaning. He engages in gender roles of "men should be strong and burly" and "daughters should listen to their fathers’ opinion before dating a guy". A guy engaging in patriarchy without thinking much of it y’know, more or less passive and unaware. He’s good in economic and human rights issues but would not win the political correctness medal (though he does care about optics and is very conscious of appearing as upstanding and innocent with the elves or Toshiro’s and Kabru’s parties to avoid getting thrown in jail. Overcompensating for half-foot criminal reputations etc etc. Post on that here).
Do I believe Chilchuck would march for women’s rights? Yes. Do I believe he would make ‘ye old ball and chain’ and ‘my wife’ and ‘ah women’ jokes? Yes. Do I believe he would punch anyone making one such jokes about his wife or daughters? Yes.
I was pretty flippant bc honestly Chilchuck the Sleazy Horny Old Man is hilarious to me but yes hopefully the post was decent. "How could I be sexist? I love bitches"
#Chilchuck tims#ask#meta#discourse#tagging bc i am scared and the topic is understandably unpleasant. Look ma i tagged one character main tag#I need him to get hit by hammers but most importantly i need him#I wanna hit up the sociopolitics and the controversial lately i have milsiril being abusive and mickbell being an incel posts on the mind#Posts my pr team begged me not to make#I don’t want ppl to reblog this one actually help me god#Anon you have made me type about chilchuck misogyny for like two hours. I may be cursed but I’m taking you down with me in spirit#I just had a debate on the position of chilchuck’s hometown bc of map ambiguity possibly contradicting a panel. And how Chilchuck’s had#3 houses that we know of so there’s so much possible fuckery and the timeline is flexible help i feel like i have cranial bleeding#I should make a half-foot culture compilation one day it’d save my ass. I’m tired I don’t want to argue what constitutes a patriarchy
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Baritone Darry you are always in my thoughts
#brent and jpc and dan ily all youre all amazing amazing singers#but i hope one day we get baritone darry#thats a pet peeve i have with modern musical theater in general its all belty mezzo sopranos and tenors#and they sound great!!! theyre all very talented!!!!#but oh my GOD wheres the baritone and alto love. hitting high notes is not the only way to be a talented singer#yes well hit high notes are beautiful and impressive but have you ever heard a bass hit a note lower than the seventh circle of hell?#ITS SO GOOD#stop making everyone a mezzo soprano and tenor PLEASE im on my knees begging#they have their perfect places but PLEASE give me BARITONES give me BASSES give me ALTOS give me SOFT SOPRANOS#PLEASEEEEE#i wanted to do theater professionally for a hot second in middle and high school#and one of the main reasons why i gave up on that was because i was an alto (and knew if i started testosterone id be a baritone/bass)#and i know i wouldnt be able to book SHIT#and if i did go on testosterone (which i did eventually) i would basically only have a CHANCE at booking something if it was a revival#of a show from pre 2000#cuz i cant dance for shit so i couldnt be ensemble with a baritone track#that wasnt the only reason i chose a different career but godamn was it a big one#two-bit talks#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#darrel curtis#darry curtis
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no you don’t understand. if i watch the last ep of we are, that means it’s the last time tan and fang will be on my screen, and i honestly don’t think i can continue living after that
#like you really don’t understand#as an aouboom stan from the first moments of a possible ship in viceversa#like look at my icon I literally made it my everything#having to go through all these side couple characters that just didn’t hit right#to finally get tan and fang#it wasn’t just a blessing it was like the fates aligned and every single wish I’ve ever made came true#it was more perfect than I could’ve ever imagined#like aouboom just are these characters for me#and as much as I can’t wait to see them in more stuff and hope for a main role show for them#in some way it just won’t ever match what tan and fang is#aou and boom fit these characters so perfectly they play them so well and the dynamic is both my personal favourite thing ever and also just#so perfect like I could write for days just trying to convey how every seemingly unimportant detail of this dynamic makes it pure perfection#I JUST DONT WANNA GIVE THEM UP#I CANT LET GO#give me the tanfang soap opera where I just watch every week of their life in all its mundane yet beautiful glory#I would tune in every week until the end of days#we are#tanfang#aouboom
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Im going to pull an all nighter (for the plot)
#I hate fucking sleeping#I have things to do#(shhh it’s not bc I have nightmares be quiet)#AND I HATE FUCKING SCHOOL#JEJDJWIDJSGGGRRRAAAAGGHHGHG#IN MY HATEFUL ERA#WHO NEEDS SLEEP#IVE GOT HOMEWORK ANYWAYS#UGHHH MY LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I DIDNT NEED SLEEP 😭😭😭#I honestly wonder if I could survive a day of no sleep#so we shall find out I’ll hit you guys with an update tmr 😭#yes im posting this here so the irls on main don’t find me 😭🙏#skillzwontshutupmoment
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You know .
#my mental breakdown this summer was actually completely explainable and while i did/said things i dont stand by#i dont actually think i was the bad guy here. interestingly.#i had to help my mom move and it triggered a huge panic attack bc of past trauma from moving house#and so now my family is saying im going insane#and my friend kept egging me on to ask out his friend#who he and i had developed a really nice friendship but he did kind of like. seem like he was trying to be my personal savior#idk i had a big crush on him bc ofc i fucking did no man has ever treated me that well before#then i jokingly tell him how i feel and he goes all serious#oh and it was four days after the 17th anniversary of my fathers suicide#who i think had bpd/ptsd#so i may be developing the same disorder . and it’s freaking me out#this guy claims he knew i had a crush on him which actually means the way he was talking to me means he was to keep my attention#(he sent a picture of him zoomed in naked hours before this so EXCUSEEE ME FOR ASSUMING)#and i started getting upset with the way i was being talked to and asked him to just say he was talking to me that way for attention#for my own peace of mind. like mind u we were talking every day throughout the day for months#voice calls would last over 5 hours. that kind of thing#i snap at him finally but immediately apologize#he then sends me a screenshot of his ex telling him ‘you have experience in dealing with mentally ill women’#followed by him saying ‘youre right. teehee love you’#so yeah duh i went to the fucking hospital it’s like someone hit me with a hammer in the head three times#then my fucking friend who goaded me into confessing to him tells me when i get out that he feels like im trying to make him choose between#when all i ever did was apologize profusely over and over again#fuck my entire ass man. oh and then two weeks later my best friend abruptly told me she was moving to maine#in two weeks. well no she didnt say that. she said can i stay at yours for a week#and i said um. what? and she said yeah im moving. and then used the fact that she had to get an abortion weeks ago as an excuse for not#telling me. and i said dude what the fuck? and she never talked to me again! so#one two three all gone BAM BAM BAM#oh this was also a week before my birthday#the trauma from moving wasnt actually abt tbe moving it was about how i was treated when we were moving#or basically any stressful family event
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I think it's kind of cute how in Playboyy just EVERY character has found someone who likes and celebrates that character.
I've seen so many who curse Captain, but at least as many who like him. The same goes for Zouey, for Soong or Aob, even for Porsche. No matter what the character has done, there has always been something for everyone (not in a "I excuse very action"-way, but rather in a "yeah, he is a bastard but he is MY bastard"-way, you know?)
Of course, everyone has their personal favorites as well as candidates who got on our nerves. But unlike in some previous series, I didn't get the feeling that a character had been completely "canceled" (or the bubble I'm in on tumblr is just too nice, could also be the case😂)
Anyway, it's been kind of nice.
Every character is celebrated by someone, maybe not so much by others, but we're able to agree on ONE exception:
Jason Lee is outlawed and released to be hunt for fun and everyone, most notably Porsche, Aob, Zouey and Nont get to punch his face at least once.
#guys you are very nice to be around#forgot the third option:#he is a bastard but he is MY bastard so please let him wreak havoc i want to see the mess he caused by being willingly destructive#anyway in the end with giving the finale one day to settle i can say i really enjoyed every single character we got#they got very different personalities as well as motivations fears and goals#yeah i wish we have seen more of some of them but wven with the pieces we got i did not get the feeling of#this is main character a and these b c d f g and h are the side characters who just exist because someone hit copy paste too much#kudos for pulling this off and not getting repetitive especially with this many characters#playboyy#playboyy the series
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watched some of the available scenes on youtube but honestly forgot how often people commented to ku.ro about how 'normal' mahi.ru was for an eve which, at the beginning is rather easy to relate to mahi.ru's simple outlook of life but also equivalates to how, before this, ku.ros life has always been alongside other supernatural beings.
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#the main scenes on there that arent chara compilations are ku.ro and mahi.ru meeting when hes in human mode and#meeting lawl.ess and lich.t#and hearing lawle.ss say ' but your so normal ' as opposed to simple is so ....#damn the more you know everyone!! he really DID nail the nail in ku.ros coffin#deserved. i admit- man was already raging over the reminder of that day and now is forcibly reminded of the other person he left ... 5#stages of grief here.#but tbh early series kur.o is such an avoidant he just stays silent. and unresponsive and when the rage seeps out still looks dead inside#i forgot how powerful lich.t was tbh guys :(#me after seeing him slam ku.ro 5 times: yeah there was a REASON you got taken out early king you would have had them all crushed in no time#anyway happy wednesday i am fueling myself for the penultimate sv chapter that comes out this friday#( but will probs arrive for our records like next week )#the ending is. most likely going to be rushed but with this chapter being 40 pages and them getting that extra volume. i hope theyre able t#tell all they need.#if this is the end of the battle. im gonna sob ... if theyre all back with their loved ones ... im also gonna sob.#we will. ultimately see though!#were getting two more colour page spreads and an update TOMORROW on a drama cd#which might mean more canon voices for some of the cast????#EXCITED EXCITED.#i will probs finish up gaming and then message some people tonight#we've started hitting the xmas rush ( ppl want their teeth before christmas ... )#so its been busier and busier !
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I could fight Marvel's What If and win.
#I have LITERALLY written a million words on the 'single point divergence leads to roleswap' trope#it is not the only trope I write but it's the feature of gambit backbone morning yonder (and horizon) other side and various concepts#actually if I count horizon wake and the concepts in both fandsoms#that pushes it WELL over a million words#none of this makes me the world arbiter on this trope but it does make me insane about it#also#this is a captain carter hateblog#I do not say this lightly because I don't like hating things!#but everything they've tried to do with captain carter makes me crazed#AND it hits my 'we are bringing the animation to live action' sw hot button that makes me have The Bad Reactions#home is actually such a weird outlier because that's not the main trope lol#home goes back to my time travel days#bedlam watches the mcu
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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goofin around while i wait for my headphones to charge cause i forgor to last night and cannot do anything w/o them
#.yappin#mvm far and away my favourite way to play. that or just not actually playing and hanging out on community servers#once had a whole rp with a total stranger about our failing marriage that got the whole server watching like a soap opera#all because i said 'jim i cant keep doing this'#that person added me in discord btw. we still chat to this day lmao#also my journey from mains has been from medic to engineer to pyro to sniper to demoknight. all cause i have shit aim unless im 50 feet awa#if anyone wanna play bootcamp w/ me hit me up i need more tf2 friends
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and the truck of doom strikes again!!!!!!!
#tv: moon in the day#moon in the day#pyo ye jin#kim young dae#kdrama#local gay watches MITD.txt#local gay watches k-dramas.txt#well. it's not white this time we have to have some variety in our lives at least but uh. the way Young Hwa froze in front of it i need#to know how fast her roommate was moving to be able to push her to safety and then get hit#main event fr fr f*ck that ghost
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please
#talking tag;#ok so. story time sure why not#today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine#and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words#and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time#to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just#i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will#care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it#and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just.#there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool#cretive people and that my prose is any good at all#just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good#but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out#i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago#but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be#i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well#i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess#and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess
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there are some bits of what they did with the rooftop scene that i like and others where i was like :/ this isn't as good as it could be. and this is an important scene lmao
#bobtalk#p3reposting#this is also a scene where i'm really attached to the old translation. so lol.#still sad that we dont have you will be given one year move forth without falter with your heart as your guide <- attached to this one also#also kind of split on the reload version of kimi no kioku. it's a good song no matter what though (the best persona song in general)#(no arguments there. nobody does it like my goat kimi no kioku.) (the reload version is good ive decided btw)#IN GENERAL. the reload cutscenes. well. the production value is higher or whatever than the original.#but man they're just. not as good im sorry. im the most annoying person in the world possibly but#i think the worst offender by FAR is the opening cutscene because the original was so striking and well directed. and reload's just does NO#hit the same at allllll. major loss imo#the awakening is the runner up when it comes to lost oomph. as one would expect lol#that's a thing with the remake like it's modernized and higher production value and it looks GREAT. and i LIKE a lot of its changes#i really do. tartarus has never been nicer to explore#but in the process there are quite a few spots where it's lost some of its. artistic vision(?) i guess.#anyway reload second persona game for me to physically cry during lmao. voice acting in the sun SL second last day scene got me#i think my main takeaway from reload is that it doesn't replace the originals. but of course it was never going to. and at the end of the#day. i'm glad it exists. i had a good time...and now i'm going to rest. lol
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hi clari! after reading ur posts about being a film and basically lit major i was curious about why u decided to study film at a university level n how it ties into ur “story” if u know what i mean
hello!! hmm i’m not like 100% sure what you mean by story (like, as in the story of my life???) but i decided to study film at a university level because i love cinema with everything in me and planned to work in the industry in any way, whether that be in production or distribution or exhibition or on an even more academic level (it’s a dream of mine to create my own film journal and publish academic pieces written by women).
my goals have changed a little now—i still love cinema, and i’d still die to work in the industry, but i’m currently more focused on creating (writing for) indie games + publishing novels & collections of short stories. everything i studied in school + the skills i developed n sharpened there are still helpful and applicable to these fields as well so!! i definitely do not regret my degree at all and i’m really happy i went with it! c: i also loved my program so so so much <3
#fun fact i did start off as a video editor#but then covid hit :((#anyway my goals have changed now#the main goal has always been the same and that is just to work in art in general#but the film industry is literally IN THE GARBAGE right now#like it’s so awful#hopefully one day in the future we’ll have some sort of resurgence there#but for now i’m focusing my efforts on other fields#i’d also love to work as a curator for tiff#or even just at a production / distribution company on the admin side#anything rly!!!#but yeah! that’s why i chose film#it’s great because so many video game publishers are looking for people with cinema degrees#because the study translates quite well especially in this day and age where we don’t yet have many full courses/programs dedicated to vgs#as a a whole medium??? i like to call them the cousin of cinema#and i did study them in my own degree#so!!!#hope ur havin a good thursday anon! <3#stay safe n stay hydrated <3#inky.bb#clari gets mail
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can't believe i missed our 6th birthday here! damn ... time flies, eh? ❤️
#QUICK TAGS UPDATE WHILE I'M HERE!#last day at work ended up being 9/13 and ngl it's been practically non-stop ever since#mostly moving things - packing - organizing - etc. it's been exhausting mentally emotionally and physically tbh!#SO! like i've mentioned i've got tumblr on hiatus at least until i can get moved to cali and settled in a bit (we should hit the road 10/15#it's just been ... a lot#and then trying to figure out what's next since i won't have my job or a consistent income starting on 10/13 for the first time in 11 years#no insurance either so that's another thing to sort out!#i'm trying really hard to be hopeful and optimistic and i DO believe that this is all going to be for the best#it's just hard right now#trying to rest and relax whenever i have a moment or two but still need to find time to get some 'professional' stuff taken care of lol#why are careers??? like i just wanna live and vibe i wish i could just retire *sobs*#ANYWHO.#i love you all and i'll be checking blogs more consistently sometime after i move i hope!#until then feel free to hmu on discord! i'm down to chat / plot / write there in the meantime! ❤️❤️❤️#☆ main — ( OOC. )
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