#and we don't even have time to unpack how queerphobic that shit is

[luckthebard]

Some day I'm going to write a fucking essay about the wider fandom's inability to recognize and respect the Queer with a capital Q and intensely and deliciously complicated Caleb/Essek ending of C2 and then you'll all be sorry you drove me to such a thing.

[astraltrickster]

Some reminders for whenever you're in a predominantly queer hobby space:

There is no universal queer experience that is not also a universal HUMAN experience. No, not even that one. Not that one either.

Being gay and homophobic isn't a jokey laughable meme because it's impossible; it's a jokey laughable meme because it's as tragic as it is assholey

Just because a stereotype is affirming to YOU doesn't mean you get to throw it at other people

Top and bottom are sexual preferences, not personality types, which ties to -

Reinventing and especially holding others to stereotypes from ancient Greece doesn't become the height of progress just because you turn it around and say "and that's okay and fun to be uwu"

The line between celebrating queer genderfuckery and doing those last 3 things is easier to miss than you think it is when you're crossing it

Either all words can be degendered or none of them can (and in practice it tends to be a quantum superposition such that they all can but also can't); don't try to use surface-level feminism to make it "okay" to misgender someone in one direction but not another, and DO respect people's boundaries about gendered terms, yes this means WITHOUT accusing people of sexism and toxic masculinity for being uncomfortable being called "princess"

People do not owe you any details about their queerness, they don't even owe you being out at all, and trying to pry because you feel entitled to a disprivilege checklist to contrast against your own is not only a dick move but also highly suspect

Bullying someone for being a flavor of queer that you can argue is theoretically more privileged than you is still bullying a marginalized person for the same reason they're marginalized from mainstream society and you're still an asshole

"Gatekeeping is bad 99% of the time" means the 1% exception is for assholes who enter a space actively showing disdain for the people already in it, refusing to learn the rules and culture, and demanding it be changed to their specifications, NOT "cringey" obscure identity groups, no not even if you can stereotype the whole group as said assholes

Someone talking about their own oppression experience and how it ties into the hobby space is not denying the existence of yours

If you publicly use queer terms as insults, even lightheartedly, you are indistinguishable from a garden-variety 4chan troll

If you use slurs as insults against other queer people, you are not "reclaiming" them

If you are in a predominantly queer space and you're convinced that you're just SURROUNDED by an unprecedented concentration of pedophiles and other sexual predators, congratulations, you've internalized some VIOLENT queerphobia, now go unpack that instead of making it everyone else's problem!

The "vibes" you're "picking up" are probably just old stereotypes you internalized, especially if you're new here

You cannot make sex-negativity queer-positive; most queer people fuck, many queer people have WEIRD sex sometimes, and sometimes in creative hobbies we will even express it THROUGH that hobby; you're free to be grossed out by any detail but other consenting adults' sex lives do not have to be appealing or even palatable to you, learn how to say YKINMKATO and filter shit instead of making it everyone else's problem

Finding you personally annoying is not inherently queerphobic

Not being down with the specific approach you take to queering the hobby is not inherently queerphobic

Liking the same thing does not make people inherently compatible as friends and being queer doesn't change that; the block button, on the other hand, will ALWAYS be your friend

Just because someone doesn't talk about queer issues outside of how they relate to the hobby space doesn't mean they're "faking," "playing the queer card", or reducing their own issues to petty hobby drama; it's far more likely that it means they're using the hobby space to get AWAY from that shit but unfortunately can't do so entirely because too many people forget a lot of shit on this list

[horce-divorce]

And ykw, in re: queer people eating up terf rhetoric uncritically, I'm STILL reeling about how, when I came back from Twitter, i was seeing all these ads for Folx and Plume on Tumblr, and the ONLY comments and reblogs were attacks, things saying "this company exploits trans people, don't use it."

Plume is a company run BY trans people. It's a bunch of trans doctors who will prescribe you HRT via telehealth and do all your labs, refills, needles etc for like $99/mo (last time i checked). Folx is the same but a bit cheaper and operates in different states, in an attempt to cover gaps in trans Healthcare coverage.

As soon as I started blocking terfs I stopped seeing those comments. But I also stopped seeing anyone talking about Folx or Plume. Point blank. I dont even get the ads for it anymore. It's like everyone just absorbed the idea that they're "preying on trans people" by giving you HRT, which is TERF 101 LEVEL SHIT. None of you even fucking Googled it!!!

Like honestly I'm pretty bitter about this whole thing, and the fact that I've not yet seen ANYONE talk about this or own up to it in the 2-3 years since???? Folx and Plume are both still around. I've had to consider using them multiple times even in relatively "safe" states like Michigan, because sure, your insurance might cover HRT, but good luck finding a doctor who will prescribe it, because PP doesn't do HRT there, there's like 4 doctors in the whole state that will, and they will be like a 6 hour drive from you if they're accepting patients at all.

So like idk especially with all the absolute HORSE SHIT that you guys like to put TPOC, intersex ppl, asexual ppl, and trans men thru at the mere SUGGESTION of terfs, I just have to wonder how many of you are STILL repeating word-for-word terf rhetoric without unpacking it. (I mean, in addition to those of you I SEE STILL DOING THIS.) You may be critically/outwardly against TERFS, but if you don't actually take ANY time to block them, or even recognize and challenge their rhetoric in your head, you arent doing enough to avoid them. Cause you're STILL repeating it and you look foolish, WHICH WAS THE GOAL, BTW. To make queer (esp trans) people look foolish and disorganized, and to drive a wedge between our communities about struggles we actually fucking share.

Another example: I've said it before and I'll say it fucking again, "trans men can't speak to being oppressed bc you are MEN and therefore have Male Privilege, SILENCE, OPPRESSOR," is the SAME ARGUMENT from a few years ago about "ace and aro ppl aren't queer bc you don't experience sexual attraction, you can't be oppressed for something you dont experience, therefore, silence, cishet!" Signed, an asexual gnc transmasc. This was another instance of queerphobic, divisive terf rhetoric getting passed around uncritically for YEARS. (I can't speak to this bc I'm not a lesbian but it does feel eerily similar to "bi lesbians are harmful to our community" as well, that whole, "anything that could even feasibly one day sorta be tied back to Men means its #unsafe" vibe, but also a very, "anyone queerer than a cis political lesbian is a threat to our community," vibe, which feels r/dfemmy to me.)

I see people TALK about the dark ages of asexual hatred on this site, but I dont see a lot of you dissecting how that happened or how to prevent it from happening again to other communities. I see people talking about "wow everyone on this site sure was unhinged about asexual ppl" and then turning around and saying shit like "transandrophobia truthers." fucking look at yourselves.